It is, I think, maybe ironic the way I've been processing the whole Project Moon mess. Or maybe appropriate? The theme of the games is so often "caring to act is important in itself, regardless of the outcome of those actions". Chesed's 6th dialogue in Ruina is about the importance of doing something even if the situation is hopeless. Canto IV is about how nothing could be done to fix Yi Sang's past, but that it was still important he care about life. The entire point of the Seed of Light was to stop people from being so apathetic. The moral, time and time again, has been "We live in hell, and we will never not live in hell, but it'll be a bit more bearable if you simply care about something".

And maybe that's part of why I stuck to this series so hard in the first place. I've always been of the mind that the world is fucked, permanently. Climate change will kill us all if we don't become a victim of capitalism before the tides come in. I am absolutely, 100% nihilistic in this regard. The world is ending, and we are watching it end. But I still care. I care to do what I can. I care to urge others to take action. And I care to make the people around me happy. Because it doesn't matter that it's hopeless, to me, it matters that people try.

I've joked with friend groups that I'm Distorting amidst all this mess. But maybe the truth is that I've manifested EGO, and that I did so a long time ago.

The stories have always been about how important it is to care. And I certainly care.

Celestial

Armin Arlert x reader

⚠ Sexual Content Ahead ⚠

Content Warnings: sort of public sex?, Cunnilingus, vanilla sex, masturbation, a lil bit of fluff too

Summary: A date with Armin at his family owned theater, Armin makes you feel like the luckiest girl alive. *cough*y'all bang too*cough*

word count:3.4k

Also, fanart is by atosaido on insta.

Gazing at the sunset at the horizon spreading its rich hues of red blended with orange, purple and cimsons into the grateful sky when you heard your phone chime. The name on the notification itself was enough to pull the corners of your mouth into a smile. Gently you placed the book that you were reading on the table to grab your phone and unlocked it to see the message. It was from your boyfriend, Armin. Your heart swelled reading the contents. Armin requested you to get ready for a date that he was coming to fetch you in like an hour, however he didn't mention where he'd be taking you. Not giving yourself a chance to try to assume the location, you looked at the time. It was currently six in the afternoon, plenty of time to dress up until seven.

Clothes thrown all over your room, scavenging the closet you were having trouble settling on an aesthetic for your outfit. Since Armin was the type of person to take you to places that could be either cosy or extravagant or both, you made up your mind to a dark academia getup. A brown checkered mini skirt complimented with a beige sweater seemed to be quite perfect for the date. Your hair straightener was heating up while you were doing a light make up. Ten minutes later you were ready. It was almost seven as you went outside to wait for Armin's car to pull up to your apartment.

A fresh chilly wind brushed against your face pickling your nostrils but it brought you out of your daydreams to your senses as you felt alive and connected to reality. You rubbed your nose for warmth with your sleeve when right at that moment a white BMW. You swore your heart leaped in your chest upon seeing him. Like a happy puppy running to its owner, that's how Armin saw you when you were running in your boots to him. Throwing your arms around his neck, you jumped for a hug. Armin being quite well-built was able to handle your weight as he lifted you up to spin you around.

"Ahaha y/n I'm so glad to see you," Armin's voice muffled against your hair.

"Me too Armin, me too," you replied pulling back to make eye contact with him.

You had no idea how Armin liked you saying his name, especially when you were screaming it.

"Let's get in the car shall we? It's getting a little chilly," Armin said opening your door to let you in. You gave him a light smile for his chivalry. Closing it after you sat, he went to take his place in the driver's seat.

"So, are you going to tell me where you're taking me?" you asked him.

"Hmmm, nope," Armin answered bopping your nose with his index finger, "I'm keeping as a surprise till we reach it, besides I think you'd probably guess it with the route we're taking."

"Well then, let's see if I guess it right. Let's go!" you excitedly shouted.

Analysing the passing buildings and blocks, a light bulb went off in your head.

"Wait, are we going to your family owned theater?" crossing your fingers you questioned.

"Heh, you've got a good memory," Armin smiled over to you one hand on the steering wheel, the other on your thigh rubbing small circles.

Shrieking in happiness, you couldn't help it as that theater was nothing but a comfort place for you. Pressing the button to pull down the transparent glass, you let the cold wind hit your face making your hair fly, a smile stretching your mouth aware that this was going to be a good night well spent. Across the seat, Armin admired you for a while before pulling into the parking. How he wished he could keep looking at you forever. You were like drugs to him, no matter how much he consumed of your presence or just you in general, he's never satisfied.

Before you could get out, Armin came to your door to open it, extending his hand. Taking it, he pulled you closer to him, faces millimeters away. Smiling against his mouth but you didn't kiss him. Instead, you placed your finger between your lips, "Quite a gentleman, aren't you?"

"Only for you my love," Armin replied dragging you to the theater's entrance.

Hand in hand, you both ran to the magnificent creation that was the building. Nobody was in sight signaling you that you two were the only beings present in that place. The only sounds that could be heard were you and Armin's giggling and the rustling of the trees with the wind. The moon was shining so bright in the sky lit up by thousands of stars. It's brightness was the same as the one Armin brought in your life. He was your sole source of joy alongside the reason why you adored being alive so much.

"You really like the night sky, don't you?" Armin asked as he looked at you staring at the moon.

"A lot. The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I could die happy."

Your heart felt lighter than air at his answer.

"Before we go inside, mind if I blindfold you? I don't want to ruin the surprise," Armin requested holding up a black cloth.

"Sure thing," you replied as he tied it lightly so as not to hurt you.

Rather than taking your hands to guide you inside, Armin choose an easier method which was to carry you in his arms. At first you were bewildered but then when it hit you, it didn't really faze you as he was always doing sweet unexpected actions like this. He treated you as though you were the most precious thing to him, which you in all honesty were.

While he was walking to take you to the destined spot, he couldn't stop himself to gaze at you. You gave so much meaning to his life and to every little thing to him. From the feeling of the first sunlight hitting his skin, he was reminded of your warm smile to the moonlight illuminating the dark sky, he thinks of the way you bring him positivity even in the toughest of situations. He couldn't be in anymore bliss as this was the definition of heaven to him. Your arms wrapped around his neck for support, he was carrying his literal embodiment of happiness.

Gently putting you down, he asked, "Are you ready?"

"I'm more than ready!" mirthfully you exclaimed.

"Okay then", Armin said removing your blindfold, "Ta-dah."

At that moment, you couldn't decide whether you were more likely to smile because of what you were seeing or more likely to cry because of what you were seeing. Your mind chose the later as tears started to run down your cheeks.

"He-Hey, don't cry, why are you crying?" Armin confoundedly wiped your tears with his thumbs as he cupped your face.

"Did you do all of this... for me?" sniffing you looked at him.

"For who else did I do this stupid? Of course it's for you y/n", he beamed.

Apart from the usual dark room with a dark vibe like a traditional theater has, for this date, Armin had set up projections on the ceiling. And it wasn't any type of projection, it was the space scattered all across the white roof.

In awe, your eyes widen at the celestial beauty in front of you. Stars twinkling like little fairy lights, even a nebula in vivid details. It doesn't stop at that as there were loads of other spatial phenomenons occurring. Not only did Armin set up a picnic on the stage but beside it was also a mattress big enough to accommodate both of you to 'stargaze'. The fabric set with Ratatouille in a bowl, a bottle of red wine glimmering under the light and various pastries sat in soliditary splendor in the middle of the wide open space which was the stage.

"I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have you Armin", you said sitting on the cloth spread on the wooden floor.

"No, I feel like the luckiest man to have the most perfect woman," he corrected you as he was pouring some wine into your glass.

Red tinted your cheeks.

"Cheers ?"

"Cheers," you raised your glass to clink with his.

This night couldn't be any more flawless.

A nice dinner in your favorite place with your favorite person, what else could you ask more?

As soft as clouds, the mattress sunk in with both of your weights. The wine coursing through your veins served as intoxication transporting you into this realm of abstractional interstellar.

Still mesmerised by the exquisite visual that resembled as though some heavenly artist had crushed crystals into his paint and then colored the cosmos with the finest of brushes, it didn't even compare to the beautiful man on whom you were laying on. Your hand on his chest, head on his shoulder, Armin held you so close to him as though you were going to disappear if he looked away. The blues and purples of the projection caressed his face.

Moving strands of your hair away with his finger, Armin asked, "What's the matter y/n?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering how pretty you are."

"I-I thank you," Armin blushed.

Gosh he was so cute.

Lifting yourself up, a frown on Armin's face at your action but then replaced by a astonishing look when he realised that you were straddling him. You had no clue of what you were doing, maybe it's was the wine or maybe it was just your desire for him, nonetheless, you craved his touch.

Your soft skin reflecting the light of the led made his fingers curl with the urge to stroke it. To his surprise, you grabbed his hands and placed it on your thighs revealed with your skirt lifted up. A light squeeze was given to them as Armin began stroking with his thumb waiting for your next move. The light illuminating from your behind aligned your figure making you appear as an angel in Armin's sight. Running your index finger from his cheekbones to his lips, you neared your bodies to press your boobs on his chest as you kissed him. His left hand dragged up your flesh to grab your ass while the right one entangled itself in your hair pulling your faces closer. Lips overlapping each other as you fought for dominance with him. Though Armin seems like a very sweet guy but looks may deceive, well, not completely. In bed he's like a cocktail, a combination of gentleness like flavored syrup or juice and of roughness like the alcohol in the drink.

Pushing your hips to his pelvis area, a groan leaving his lips cued you to further tease him. Up and down you grinded on him. Breaking the kiss to pull back, Armin went lower to your neck to pepper small kisses all over your sensitive skin, all the way to your jaw, your cheeks, the corner of your mouth to back on your neck to suck on your sweet spot. A light pain accompanied with pleasure made a tiny 'ah' leave your lips as he was marking your body. This only turned Armin more than he already was the moment he saw you.

Bringing his face back up , you collided your lips to his, more passionate than before. Sloppily you unbuttoned his shirt.

Abruptly he grabbed your back to switch positions with you. His chest now exposed was in front of your eyes. Removing the fabric off his body, his muscles shined in the light. This man was built like an art piece, his chest sculptured like the Greek soldiers.

"Allow me to be the one to please you," Armin's breath tickled your ear.

Feather like touches brushed your throat down to between your breasts to your stomach through your clothes. He took all the time in the world to appreciate the fact that you were with him and for him. You've probably never experienced such tenderness before meeting Armin. While making out with you, he his hands underneath your sweater to cup your boobs unaware of the dampness pooling between your legs.

With a swift motion, Armin took off your sweater and threw it across the stage. Black laced bra covering your breasts made you look more lustful. Armin's breath hitched in his throat.

"I don't think I'd ever get enough on beautiful you are y/n, everytime I undress you, it always feel as though it's the first time", he breathed.

You tugged at his belt, unbuckling it.

"Then show me how much you want me," you swiped your thumb over his lips.

Armin smirked. If looks could kill, you'd probably be dead by that.

"As you wish my lady."

Armin's big hands stroke your curves, brushing his lips from your collarbones slowly down your bellybutton but he didn't kiss your skin until he pulled down your skirt for your damp fabric to come in view to him. His soft lips didn't hesitate to press against your core.

"Ah- Armin-"

"You look so hot making that face, baby," Armin replied mouth still on you, you felt the vibrations of his voice through your underwear giving you goosebumps.

Armin dragged his tongue from the buttom to your clitoris, sucking on it making your underwear even wetter.

"Does this feel good?"

"Hmmm yes~," you reached out to grab his hair.

He chuckled at your reaction and proceeded to remove your last piece of garment. Your entrance dripping with anticipation, Armin gulped hard.

Like a wild animal out of cage, Armin attacked your pussy with his mouth. You leaped at his rough action and gripped on his hair for dear life as it seemed like this man wasn't going to leave you until he's had every part of you. Out of nowhere, Armin stuck his tongue into you making you arch your back. Thrusting it in and out of you, he gripped your hips in place so that you wouldn't squirm away.

"Gosh you have no idea how good you taste y/n," Armin panted sending chills down your spine.

Your tiny little pants and moans only fueled him to gain speed as he flicked your pearl in his mouth with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh-ah-Armin- Don't stop I'm close ~"

Taking your words into command, Armin didn't cease until you gasped and released everything in his mouth.

He swallowed every single drop of you as though it was his last time drinking any sort of liquid. While he was licking his lips to consumed everything he removed his pants as you were catching your breath. His dick sprung free from his cage, tip leaking with precum.

"May I?"lining his dick in front of your cunt he asked for consent.

"Just fuck me already Armin."

Slowly, Armin stoked it on your wet folds to lubricate it for it to enter more smoothly. Wet sounds of both of your excrements mixing filled the theater.

"Fuck you're so tight,"Armin groaned in his first thrust into you,"Are you okay baby? Do you want time to adjust? "

Still panting over his big size you nodded your head, your arm covering your eyes.

"It's okay love, take your time," Armin gently moved your hand away from your face to stroke your cheeks.

"Okay, you can move now," a minute later you told him.

Intertwining your fingers, Armin held your hand while the other held for support on the bed, Armin began to move.

With the projector in the background, this moment seemed so magical.

"You feel so good y/n arg-"

You hummed still doused in this dreamy state. The world around you blurred as the only thing visible in your peripheral vision was paradise. You could feel him moving so slowly between your walls, each of his popping veins so clearly. With time passing, your need for him grew bigger.

"Please go faster Armin."

"Anything for you," he replied as he picked up speed, this time more rougher on you.

Skin slapping, you arched your back, this time Armin slipping his hand on your back to make your bodies touch each other. Chests rising and falling rapidly, you brushed Armin's hair from his face to see his expressions better.Face twisted with pleasure, this man was so attractive.

It wasn't long until you felt the knot building up in your stomach.

"Y/n I'm-I'm close"

"Me too Armin, please cum with me"

Eyes boring into yours, Armin didn't hesitate to go even more rough with you.

Bending down Armin kissed you as he released his hot fluids into you.

"Are you okay? I hope I didn't hurt you my lady," Armin moved your hair away from your sweaty forehead.

"No Armin, I know you could never hurt me, that's why I love you."

"I love you too y/n," Armin kissed your nose.

Helping you to get up, he took some tissues from the straw bag in which he carried all the food in. While you were tying your hair into a ponytail, Armin wiped his cum from your body.

"I'm sorry I made such a mess on your beautiful skin y/n."

"Armin, why are you even appologising for this, please don't ," you giggled then grabbed his hands and kissed them.

Inhaling a deep breath, Armin got up to fetch your clothes and helped you wear them.

"Let me drop you home okay?" he carried you in bridal style to the car due to your legs shaking and being unstable. Throughout the whole voyage back, you just wished this night could last forever but alas reality is a bitch. His hands warming your thighs till his car reached your house and he took you to your bathroom to help you get into the bathtub.

Not wanting to hold him any longer, you reassured him that you were now okay and that he could take care of the theater to clean it for business the next day. The thought of people coming to a place where you and Armin banged without them being aware of it brought all the blood to rise up in your cheeks.

Parking the car, Armin entered the building with the scent of sex still lingering in the air. Taking care of all the stuff on the stage and cleaning it, he went to remove the projectors. Out of the blue it clicked in his head. Security cameras. Heaving a sigh of relief that he recalled this crucial detail, he rushed into the surveillance room to discard of the recordings for the night. However, before he did that, he did in fact consider to watch it. Debating in his head like attorneys in a courtroom he finally yielded to looking at them. He didn't even play the video that he was already blushing redder than his blood. Pressing the play button, he sat down on the wheelchair.

Holy shit did he not regret watching it. Even in bad lighting, you looked so hot on camera. It felt illegal for Armin to be doing whatever he was doing then.

"Ah-ah Armin-" you moaned his name and that awakened something in him or more like that hardened something in him.

"Fuck," he whispered under his breath.

From his pants, he could see the lining of his growing erection but he tried to ignore it. Eventually it began to feel a little painful from the restriction of release. Giving in into his urges, he unzipped his pants to let his dick breath from its suffocation.

He hissed as he spread the oozing precum across the tip looking himself eating you out. With his face buried between your legs, at that moment he couldn't clearly see your facial expressions compared to now.

The way your breath got stuck in your throat, your mouth made an 'o' when you tried to control your moans. The next time he was going to make love to you, he's keeping in mind to prevent you from holding back the sounds you make as he wants to hear each and every one of them.

Stroking his shaft up and down just like he's thrusting in and out of you, his motions rhythmic, he threw his head back on the chair hearing your sweet voice resonating the room.

Sinful.

To his shock, he came at the exact timing he came within you in the recording. Letting his actions absorb, still drown into the cloudiness of his mind, Armin couldn't wait for the day he could at last marry you.

Without further ado, he deleted the clips after he sent them to his phone as a token.

End.

Thank you for reading this. :)

𝐎𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧 | 𝐖𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 (here) | 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 | 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 - Second part to ‘Ocean’! Hope you enjoy it :> Reblogs, comments, shares and likes are really appreciated!!

𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐚 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬 - @getousuguruwife​ @amjustagirl​ @aliteama​

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 - Amnesia, Memory loss, Blood, Mild gore, Death, Blood loss, Corpses, Food, Manga spoilers, Pre-canon and canon compliant to a certain extent, Nightmares, Relationship Issues (lack of communication), Overthinking/Anxious Thoughts, I criticise Nanami’s choice of clothing

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 -  Nanami Kento's life has been... Good, bad, and everything in between. He  (and many others) thinks he's mature, independent, the definition of  what a proper adult should be like. But really, the only way he's made  it this far is because you've been holding his hand the entire time. 

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 5k

Nanami decides to enter university and get a degree. He casts a life of sorcery behind and turns a blind eye to curses that peer at him curiously on the street. When you text him and ask about how life is in the city of Tokyo, he replies that it would be much better if you were here with him. You choose to ignore the meaning between the lines and tell him that he’ll do great in university; you’re sure of it!

Truth be told, his parents are more than glad to fund Nanami’s ventures and encourage him to do so. As a result, he finds himself engulfed by the world of rigorous studying. Lectures and tutorials drain his time from morning to evening, not to forget project meetings and whatever the hell ‘socialising’ means.

But campus life is invigorating. He wakes up to the smell of coffee and his roommate singing a foreign song with a catchy tune and has time to enjoy a lovely breakfast before he heads off for morning classes. Everything is done in his own time. No one rushes him to save the lives of innocent civilians, nor does the weariness of a day’s fight linger in his bones.

Quietly, gently. That is how Nanami’s time in university goes by. Writing essays on analysing market trends or a project on that sociology elective module he chose is nothing too tricky, especially when one compares it to sorcery. 

He learns to relax, unwinding in the golden hours of the evening with a Murakami paperback and a steaming cup of coffee by his side. Nanami meets new people — people who have never heard what a curse is (though he does find his witchy neighbour intriguing), people who have families at the furthest ends of the earth. Their companionship is refreshing.

You, meanwhile, earn a nice sum from working at Jujutsu Tech. You don’t work directly with curses (something which Nanami is thankful for) and enjoy your time surrounded by nature, treating the younger students with a smile and warm cup of tea. 

You and Nanami decide to move into an apartment where the commute is halfway between both schools. It’s a nice change of pace, really. You wake up next to each other in the blinding morning light, still entangled in the cheap (and slightly scratchy) duvet you got on sale. Nanami presses a kiss between your brows. You smile, your hand warm on his skin. 

“Good morning, Ken,” you croak as the sunlight frames your face.

You lean forward and place your head against his chest. Nanami’s hand strokes your shoulder lovingly as the both of you make small talk on the day’s events, then laughing when he makes a cheesy (and slightly indecent) joke about what he enjoys eating for breakfast. Your heart soars in your chest, catching the upwind and slicing through the clouds. It feels like heaven.

But the sea does not always remain calm and peaceful. Its tides rise and fall with the waxing and waning of the moon, and waves can come crashing down on boats that dare sail through its treacherous waters. 

Nanami buries the constant nightmares of Haibara under his pillow, waking up in the middle of the night with your arms around his waist. He pretends he does not see the curses that linger in the corner of his lecture theatre, nor the ones that stare back in the bathrooms. Nanami slips a pair of spectacles onto the bridge of his nose. His fellow classmates call him intelligent, quiet, but kind. 

He wants to believe that, too.

☆*: .｡.

Nanami joins a hedge fund company after graduation. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want to do, Ken?” you ask over the table.

The restaurant you had booked for dinner boasts of its month-long waitlists and seasonal menus. You poke at the raw fish that sits on your plate, Nanami holding a glass of amber liquid. He watches its colour swirl under the dim light.

“The pay is good. We’ll be comfortable.”

“I don’t care about money, Ken. I’d rather you do something less stressful and be happier.”

“Let me try it out for a year or so. That can’t hurt, right?”

He smiles, you smile. 

Your hand slips into his comfortably over the table, and your eyes meet in silent understanding. You squeeze his hand.

The company changes Nanami. Some things are obvious — the way he now parts and combs his hair back with wax, the pressed suits that line your shared wardrobe, the work phone that buzzes with notifications every minute of the day. Others are more… subtle. He comes home later and later each night, occasionally staying over in the office. His alcohol consumption increases. You spend the weekends alone. 

It’s gotten to the point where you’re lucky if you eat dinner with him once a week. You’re busy with your own work, too, but you assume that Nanami would be able to come home on at least the weekends. Your mind begins to drift.

Is there a colleague who wears a skirt too short, a manager who touches his shoulder a second too long? It’s been at least four years since you and Nanami had gotten together, and you still don’t know his stance on marriage or children yet. Does he love you, or does he love his job more? 

You fall into a pit of doubt and despair. Perhaps you should have been a lesser burden on Nanami. He spent so many hours taking care of you back then, wearing himself thin between missions, that the idea of him getting tired of being a caregiver to someone who didn’t remember him at all was… possible; reality, even?

There’s nothing original about you, either. Your handwriting is the same as a girl you’ll never remember from middle school, the way you text influenced by the students you work with. Maybe you laugh too loud. Or you’re too fat, too skinny, too quiet, too noisy, too blunt, too shy, too clumsy. So what made him love you? Or was he just in love with a previous version of you that you weren’t now?

It feels like you’re staring into a mirror when you try to remember who you used to be with childhood journals and photographs. The same face, the same body, memories that don’t make sense and a head that has become a blank canvas. A parent’s child, a teacher’s student. Unable to reach past the glass.

You don’t know who you are anymore with how you’ve changed to please Nanami — a person of personalities that switches in the blink of an eye. So why does he still keep you in his rented heart that’s full of other tenants, and under the contact name ‘Dear ♡’? You place the button in a drawer amongst a mess of spare keys, bits of tissue paper and promotional pamphlets. 

It’s tiring. Nanami’s head is in the clouds as you share a parfait, and you ask him, “Kento, do you really love me?”.

“What?” he asks incredulously. “Of course I do.”

The eyebags that are on his face have been there since two weeks ago. Nanami can’t remember when the last time was when he got a proper night of sleep, and currently, he’s thinking about the new client that-

“Kento,” you interrupt. “You’re exhausted.”

You point your spoon at him for extra emphasis, the tip of it having a dollop of whipped cream. 

“Pointing your utensils around is bad manners.”

“Never knew you cared about table manners.”

“Well, now I do.”

You lick the spoon clean and eye Nanami. He returns a tired stare before his gaze falls to the side and he lets out a sigh. He almost wishes that you would stop bothering him about this and let him go back home. There are so many emails he needs to send, and he can’t sit still without checking the stock market every hour or so. 

“Do you want to break up?”

The words come easier than expected.

“Huh?! What makes you say that?”

“You seem like you want to.”

“You can’t just assume things like-”

The girls sitting by the next table fall quiet. Nanami thinks that they’re eavesdropping on your conversation; you think so too. You glance quickly at them and they pretend nothing had ever happened, hiding their looks of surprise as they shove spoonfuls of dessert into their mouths.

“Let’s go somewhere else.”

You sound irritated. Nanami pays with his card, grabbing his things as you step outside of the cafe first. 

“Slow down,” he mumbles and pockets his wallet. 

You whip around.

“You can’t just assume things like that, Kento.”

“Fine, I’m sorry.”

Staring at him, your eyes seem glazed over. Tired, maybe. Tearing up, maybe. Maybe, maybe. Many maybes. Nanami doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what’s been going on with you, actually. You seem distant, out of reach when you’re lying in the same bed as him. Is it the money; is he making enough to make you happy?

Nanami reaches out and tries to hold your hand (when was the last time he had done that?) when his phone buzzes. He retracts his hand and reaches for his back pocket, but you grab his wrist. He looks at you.

“What are you doing? Let go.”

Irritation laces his voice. 

“Don’t answer that.”

“Are you crazy? It’s from work. I have to.”

“Work this, work that! You spent the last year basically married to your office and the one time we get to go out together, you want to work?”

Your voice is sharp, slicing Nanami’s hazy conscience. He watches as it pools at his feet, a gust of fresh air tickling his skin. He relaxes his wrist and you pull your hand away. Passersby glance at you briefly before continuing their daily commute, not bothering to give you a second glance.

“Sorry,” you mumble.

“It’s okay,” Nanami replies. 

The both of you stand in the street, suddenly feeling as if you’ve drifted away from one other unknowingly. Like a boat in the ocean, Nanami rocks with the waves that splash gently on his hull. Everything is blue and vast around him. He can’t see the land. 

Nanami thinks about that girl at the bakery. The way she always cried out ‘Come back soon!’ every time he left as if he wouldn’t return a second time. And then he thinks about the clients he serves, all outfits and jewellery that easily cost half his salary. They shove money into his hands, expecting even more in return without a word of thanks. 

“Hey,” Nanami says. 

He reaches out across the waters and grasps your hand in his. You look up, eyes brimming with tears. He swipes at the corner of your eye with his thumb. Understanding washes over him and he takes a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry,” Nanami whispers sincerely.

That night, he calls Gojo when you’re safely tucked into bed. Nanami tries to ignore how the older sorcerer cackles at him and hangs up once the call is presumably over on his end. He slips under the covers as you turn over in your sleep, resting against his chest. Nanami kisses your brow. 

He gets his first night of good sleep in a long, long time. 

☆*: .｡.

Nanami falls back into the rhythm of sorcery. He trains for a good month until he gets his stamina and strength back, obtaining a new weapon from the school for his missions. Gojo seems oddly delighted to see him return, laughing when Nanami’s out of breath from a workout.

“Ken,” you say, wrinkling your nose when he steps out of your shared bedroom. “You’re going to work in that?” 

Nanami adjusts the cuffs of his sleeves, staring at you. 

“Is this not appropriate?”

You observe him from head to toe. The leopard print tie, blue shirt and tan suit — you resist the urge to tell him he’s so close to looking like a pimp. Out of all the lovely suits that Nanami has, he chooses to wear this one?

“It’s a bit bright, that’s all,” you laugh. 

“I thought I would go with something eccentric. You don’t get to wear this at the office,” he remarks, striding over to the kitchen to grab your packed lunches. 

You remain quiet and fiddle with a loose thread on your own suit jacket. 

“Something the matter?”

“Oh! Nothing at all. Let’s go.”

It’s more convenient now since the both of you work at the same place. Nanami drives to Jujutsu Tech every morning and picks you up in the evenings as well. He detests how Gojo makes fun of him for it, calling him a ‘lovely husband’. It makes your cheeks warm, and you duck your head before Nanami can ask you anything about it.

Peace reigns true for a few months. The morning routine is a nice change of pace compared to Nanami’s previous job. You’re able to spend more time together, even to the point of going grocery shopping or watching a movie with takeout on Friday nights.

Nanami relaxes only a little. Compared to office work, this is probably just as bad. First of all, he has to see Gojo almost every day and have him talk his ear off. Secondly, he returns to being the balance between life and death for civilians once more. It’s not a task he enjoys. However, he harbours that the thanks he receives and the lives he saves are a good enough exchange. 

Years come and go, as do students of Jujutsu Tech. Nanami sees more dead sorcerers and exorcises more curses. You quietly type away at a laptop, filing their deaths and completing any tasks you’re given from the higher-ups. It seems that life has slowed down once more and you return to a monotonous pace. 

You wonder if your relationship with Nanami will progress any further. It’s been close to nine years and yet… nothing has developed beyond living together or the odd weekend date. That’s not to say that you don’t love Nanami. You do, honestly. He treats you well and listens to your occasional nagging to put his stacks of books away, but you want something more. You crave the thought of getting married, to be lawfully his and maybe start a family. But, contrary to belief, Nanami isn’t opposed to it when you bring the topic up over dinner one night.

“Marriage?” 

His chopsticks pick off a portion of grilled salmon and he brings it to his mouth with some rice. He chews, swallowing.

“Yeah. I mean, we’ve been together for so long, you know? So it kind of seems natural for us to do so.”

Your gut twists nervously. The steam from your miso soup rises silently in the air, wisps of white smeared out at the edges. 

“Sure.”

“Huh?”

“Sure, let’s get married.” Nanami says.

You have to physically close your mouth and your eyes are widened in shock. Your heartbeat accelerates that much faster.

“Are you serious?”

“Well, were you serious when you asked me that question?”

Heat rises to your face. 

“As you said, we’ve been together and living under the same roof for quite some time. Marriage seems like a plausible idea.”

“Then let’s-!”

“But I have one condition.”

Momentarily, your heart wavers. Nanami finishes the last drop of miso soup in his bowl and balances his chopsticks on top of the porcelain. As usual, his plate and bowls are scraped clean. 

“I’ll only get married after I stop being a sorcerer.”

Your face twists in confusion as you try to understand where Nanami is coming from. You don’t get it — didn’t being a sorcerer mean that Nanami faced death everyday and that he should be taking advantage of what time he has left? But, of course, you don’t mean to curse him into an early grave like that. Except… Except that your face visibly falls and Nanami takes notice of it.

“I’d rather not have my life entangled with curses more than it should be. Once we both earn enough money and have a nice savings account, we can retire and go do whatever we want. Besides, I’ll invest. It’ll be more than enough.”

You remain silent and stare at your half-finished dinner. Nanami reaches over the table and takes your hand in his. 

“Can you give me some more time, please?”

You don’t reply. 

☆*: .｡.

“Did you hear about the new first years?”

“Mm. The one who died, right?”

“Gojo wants me to mentor him for a while.”

Nanami’s hands are positioned on the steering perfectly. His palms guide the car carefully through the steep roads that climb up to Jujutsu Tech. You flip through a checklist of things you need to do for the day.

“Will you be heading out of school?”

“Probably. There’s a scene I need to check out.”

“Stay safe, alright?”

“Of course. You too, don’t forget to have your lunch again.”

Nanami pulls into the parking lot of the school. Leaning over the clutch, he presses a kiss to your hairline. You gently peck his jaw.

“See you tonight. I might not be able to pick you up, so get Nitta to drive you.”

“See you, Ken.”

Nanami watches as you open the car door and step out. You turn back, giving him a wave and smile through the window. He returns the gesture. Once you’re out of sight, Nanami pulls out his phone as he sits in the car. He thumbs through his emails and his Adam’s apple bobs as soon as he sees the confirmation sent to him. A loose sigh worms its way out of his chest. He pushes the door open and steps out. 

The rest of the day is spent teaching Itadori Yuuji about the sanctity of being young and simpleminded. Sorcery isn’t child’s play — especially when there are lives involved. He watches as Itadori’s face crumbles at the mention of the transfigured humans. He wants to comfort him, place a hand on his shoulder and tell him that it isn’t his fault.  

They have a quick debrief of the situation with Ijichi before parting ways. Nanami shoulders his burden once more, watching as the car pulls away in the direction of Yoshino’s home. 

As night falls, Nitta drives you home. She’s chatty, serious about her job and does it well. You smile when she gushes about how lovely Nanami must be at home, and, oh! Do tell him to lighten up at work. 

You thank her when she drops you off. As you walk through the lobby of your apartment complex, you make a routine stop by the mailboxes. Junk, bills and… a box? You flip it over to see who it’s addressed to; perhaps Nanami had ordered something online. However, your name is printed neatly across the label.

The first thing you do when you get home is to open the box. It’s small, probably not more than a hand’s breadth in length. Your pen knife slices through the tape cleanly and when you push aside the flaps, you spot two velvet boxes sitting in a mess of paper filler. Your fingers tremble when you pull one of them out and open it. 

A silver ring sits in the furrow of a cushion with Nanami’s name on the inside. Your heart skips a beat and you reach into the cardboard to pull out the second ring box. This one is a little larger, with your name engraved on the interior side of the band. It must be Nanami’s, then.

It’s already well past 6p.m. as you dial his number with your lower lip between your teeth. You pace around the house, bouncing on the balls of your feet. What were these meant to be? Promise rings? Engagement rings? You hadn’t dared to slip the one with Nanami’s name engraved onto your finger just yet.

“Hello?” 

Nanami’s breathing is laboured. Your heart falls and you stop in the middle of your living room, staring ahead at nothing.

“Ken? Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Just… just a little hurt. It’s nothing serious.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve called Ijichi to pick me up, don’t-”

“So it is serious, then!” you cry out in horror. 

“No, no. I said I’m fine. Look, did you receive the rings yet?”

“I did, but that’s not the point now. Are you safe?”

“I-”

You hear Nanami’s phone clatter to the ground and the thump of his body on the floor. 

“Kento?” you whisper.

He doesn’t reply. 

☆*: .｡.

You’re seated on the floor of your shared home, an oversized pajama shirt stolen from Nanami’s closet swallowing you. Sunlight pours in through an open window at two in the afternoon and the quiet hum of vehicles outside can be vaguely heard.

Clip, clip, clip.

One hand holds a nail clipper, while the other cradles Nanami’s fingers gently. The blond watches you absentmindedly while you trim his nails. He had insisted he was perfectly capable of doing them on his own, but the glare you gave him made Nanami sink back into the sofa. 

He was hurt after a fight with Mahito — the wound on his side made him grimace whenever he stood up, and Nanami found himself relying on you more than he wished to. Thankfully, he had passed out from blood loss and pain but nothing too devastating had happened. That didn’t change how concerned you were about him, though. You try to forget how you had hailed a taxi just to rush back to Jujutsu Tech to see Nanami lying in the sickbay with a blood drenched shirt. 

Nanami thinks it’s childish. When was the last time someone had clipped his nails for him? Was it his mother? A warm breeze wrings itself through the window. You run the pad of your finger over the cut edge, feeling for any sharp portions. 

Nanami stares at the top of your head. Your fingers feel uncharacteristically soft against his own calloused ones — wielding a weapon in battle wore his palms down at the end of the day. He doesn’t particularly want to admit he likes it.

Nanami is a man of truth. He hates lying, and definitely doesn’t tolerate beating around the bush. But if he spoke as he thought, told you everything he felt about you as often as it came like the wind, how would you react? He clutches his heart in the aching hand of a budding teenager, the fears of facing a cruel world fresh in his mind. 

Being a sorcerer means facing death on a daily basis, especially with the increase in curses with modern times. It doesn’t help that with both of you on the field, it means double the chances. Sorcerers never die without regrets.

Nanami wishes he could love you more, let you explore each crevice of his heart without fear of leaving you; being left behind one day. He doesn’t want to curse you if he dies. He doesn’t want to become a burden to you any more than he should be. 

Clip, clip, clip.

“Is it too short?” 

You glance up briefly at Nanami and brush the hair out of your eyes. He stares down at his fingers and feels them over with his thumb. He shakes his head.

“No, it’s fine.”

You nod and move on to his next hand. You’re systematical about it — trimming off most of the grown parts in three portions, then a couple tinier clips to finish the job off. A nail file sits on the ground beside you, the tiles of the floor cool against your bare legs.

“Hey, Ken?”

“Hmm?”

“I heard that there’s a new bakery opposite that popular department store. I was thinking of going to take a look later. Do you want me to get anything for you?”

“Nothing too sweet would be nice.”

“Okay.”

The living room falls back into a comfortable silence.

Clip, clip, clip.

☆*: .｡.

It takes a few more weeks before Nanami is cleared by Ieri to return to regular sorcery work. He tries to rest in the downtime he has, he really does — but the itch to get up and finish Mahito off has him restless. 

At this, Gojo sends Nanami and you off to Hamamatsu on another curse investigation for a change of scenery. Gojo doesn’t want to admit it, but he had mumbled to you something about taking care of Nanami’s mental health. Maybe the beach would help? You told him he sounded like a doctor from the 20th century. You’re not one to refuse a free trip outside of Tokyo, though, so you and Nanami pack your luggage and troop off to Hamamatsu on the Shinkansen. 

“Thank you.”

Nanami’s fingers curl around the ice cream cone handed to him, the sun scorching his back. It’s too hot for this; for anything, really. He makes a mental note to give Gojo a good stare of disapproval once he returns to school. 

Why did the mission have to be on the warmest day of the year? With how the heatwave makes perspiration trickle down your back, though, the dangers of facing a possible special grade curse is the least of your worries right now.

“It’s so hot!” 

You eagerly lap at the soft serve, savouring the cold, sweet treat. Nanami wanted to take a photo of the ice cream, but- oh well, you’ve begun eating, and the horrendous heat would have probably melted it before he found a good angle, anyways. 

Protected by the shade of a shopping district, Nanami and you had agreed to find refuge for a few hours — the curse could wait till the sun began to set. Besides, it would be more likely to turn up after dark. 

“How does yours taste, Ken?” you ask and peer over at his cone.

He had gotten a cookies and cream flavoured one, despite how you egged him on to try out the local eel flavour. Nanami was not going to ruin his taste buds just like that, thank you very much.

“It’s alright,” he says, licking traces of ice cream off of his lips. “Could do with a little more cookie.”

“Wanna try mine?” 

You stick your cone into Nanami’s face. He’s greeted with your half-eaten soft serve, where your tongue has made a path of its own against the original swirl. He eyes you carefully and you offer the cone to him once more.

“That’s unhygienic.”

“Oh, come on, Ken! We’ve kissed before, sharing saliva on ice cream is nothing compared to that.”

Heat rushes to his face, though Nanami assumes a composed facade. He blames it on the weather without hesitation. Not wanting you to tease him anymore, he leans forward and nips a tiny portion of your ice cream off of the tip. 

“Yummy, isn’t it?”

“Mmm.”

“Want to try mine too?” 

The words leave his lips on reflex. Nanami wonders when he’s begun letting you try his food — when he used to be so adamant that no one could even touch its container or look in its direction (thanks to Gojo’s greedy fingers). You nod excitedly and lick off of a portion. 

“It’s good!” 

What was the first time he had said it to you? Over oden in the winter; over those disgustingly sweet slurpees you insisted on from 7 11? All those small moments that had built up culminated in Nanami’s affection and understanding towards you. The way in which you offer him a bite of your food without expecting anything in return; is that what love is like? 

“You’ve got some ice cream on your face,” Nanami says.

You instinctively use your tongue and try to clean it off. “Did I get it?”

Nanami shakes his head. “It’s on this side,” he replies, pointing a spot on his own face.

You try again, to no avail. Nanami sighs.

“What would you do without me?” he asks monotonously, using the pad of his thumb to wipe it off.

You stand there, frozen for a second when he leans in. His promise ring is cold against your cheek.

“Kento?” you whisper. 

Under the light of the shining sun, he presses his lips to yours, shielding you from warm rays and the glances of passersby with his back. You let out a muffled sound of surprise as you taste cookies and cream, your eyes fluttering shut instinctively. 

Nanami isn’t a fan of public affection. God forbid Gojo see him kissing you, really. But as he leans back and watches your half-lidded eyes stare up at him, he asks himself if you’ve ever received his own sort of love in return. 

A relationship’s all about give and take; but has he given as much as he should have? Has Nanami loved you in a way that matters? Life is a fleeting concept to all sorcerers. Should he die and leave you behind, Nanami wonders if he would pass without any regrets. Did he do enough when he tugged the covers over your shoulders when you fell asleep on the sofa, was there more he could have done even after buying you that watch you had eyeballed for the past few months?

There’s that sort of incompetence that curls up in his chest on sleepless nights, even with you tucked into his side. It makes his head spin and his heart fall into a bottomless pit. With all the eyes of juniors and students that look up to him, Nanami can’t help but wonder if he’s truly as good as everyone thinks he is. Being a sorcerer holds little problem. But what about a lover, a husband?

He couldn’t save Haibara, so how dare he think about…

“Kento,” you swallow. “Ken?”

Nanami snaps out of his daze. “Huh?”

“I dropped my ice cream,” you whisper. 

He swivels his head and spots your cone face down on the sidewalk. His own cone drips down his hand, the melting liquid staining the sleeve of his suit. For once, Nanami’s mind runs blank. 

“Kento? Are you okay?” you ask gently.

“Hey,” he murmurs. 

“Mm?”

Nanami’s careful to avoid the pool of melting ice cream as he steps closer to you, lips brushing the shell of your ear. Your breath hitches as his cologne invade your senses.

“I love you. Let’s get married.”

You know, you expected nothing, and yet you're still let down.

"Aw, come on master, where's your sense of wonder? Of adventure?" Astolfo's hand is firm around your wrist as he guides you forward. "You are on the Moon, master! The Moon! A little enthusiasm, will you?"

It's not that you're against it, per se, it's just that...

well...

"Well, this is where all the lost things lay, after all. Can't help it if it gets a little cluttered!" He slows down to wave at the piles and piles of various items around you. "On my version of the Moon, anyway. I'm sure the real Moon is cleaner than that. But dreams don't have to be accurate. That's what's so great about them!"

Sometimes, people say Things, and you've learned quickly not to ask.

Astolfo, bless him, doesn't elaborate. Instead, he points at what looks like, for all intent and purposes, a pile of chairs. "Here, check it out! It's all the time lost gambling." And then, a little further, urns pierced on the side. "And these are the projects you will never get down. And-"

Astolfo suddenly pauses, in front of a lot of oil lamps. A second passes. He is still. Two seconds pass. He is silent.

"... Astolfo?"

"Oh! Sorry, master. I got distracted." Must be quite the distraction then. Astolfo is always moving, and even more often talking. For him to stop both of these things, it must be important. "It's a history that never was."

A history that never was...? "... Like a singularity?"

"Precisely. This one is Orleans, specifically." He raises the lamp a little higher. In the reflection, you see something like fire. "The memories no one hold. The events that never were. Everything you've ever done or said in Orleans, that history erased with the back of the hand. That's what it represents."

... Oh.

But you thought this would be...

"Lost?" He smiles as he sets the lamp down. "I mean, that's precisely why it's here. When I said where everything lost lays, I meant where everything lost lays." He strokes his chin with a thoughtful look. "Though, I guess, in a way, that means nothing is truly lost? Since I am here and all. Whatever is forgotten or tossed away, I can get it back."

"Isn't it kind of cheating?" The universe makes no sense. You've known that for a long time already, obviously. But every once in a while you still get reminded of it full force. "What even are you doing up there?"

Astolfo blinks. This is the first time you've ever seen them so surprised.

"... Aw, master!" They're back to grinning and- oh, they're hugging you. Alright. You can work with that. "I think you're the first person I've ever met who doesn't think me lost."

Huh. Really? "Chaldea is filled with Berserkers. You're a little wild, but I wouldn't call you insane."

"Most masters don't survive a bond with one Berserkers, let alone as many as you, master." He sticks his tongue out at you. "That's fair, though. My insanity is much closer to yours than theirs."

Uh. 

Come again?

"It's easy! Most berserkers' mad enhancement stem from obsession, you feel? Lancelot and poor Artoria, Darius and Iskandar... okay, some times, it's more of a 'no thought head empty' deal, with Tamamo Cat or Hercules, I guess. But you get my point, right?"

He's dragging you among the piles again. "You and I, it's different. Our insanity isn't due to some deep obsession, or because we can't hold a train of thought. We're perceived as insane because we fail at properly mimicking humans."

... This is an Uncomfortable thought. But you kind of get it? You think? "As in, social cues and all?"

"Yeah!" He squeezes your wrist. "I've heard Nightingale threaten you of amputation, like, three times. And you didn't react. At all. Normal people don't do that. They get scared. If you don't act scared, then that must mean you are not normal. So. Insane."

"And you're 'insane' because you have no impulse control and no shame?"

"Yup! And I'm not interested in having any. I'm quite happy like this." He takes a sharp turn suddenly, and starts scaling up a mountain of- jewels? Treasuries? You wonder what this is supposed to represent. "Though, I don't really have the option not to. Such is the nature of the Moon."

"Didn't you say earlier you could get anything back from here? I thought that included your sanity." Or maybe it's buried somewhere too deep for Astolfo to get it back?

But Astolfo shakes his head. "Of course I could. But that'd be useless. My existence is tied to the Moon, in a fundamental way. Like that dragon and Old Man Siegfriend, you see?"

"Isn't it pronounced Siegfried?"

"He's a Siegfriend to me." He sounds awfully proud of himself. "But yeah. I can't not be like this. Because my nature is of the Moon, and the nature of the Moon is to-"

[reflect]

There's something strange in the way he says that word. It's like it wasn't his voice at all. Like it echoed from beneath your very feet, from every golden coin slipping between your fingers.

"I can only partially act normal, because the Moon only partially reflects the sunlight. Here, let me help you up." Ah, finally, the top of the hill. "That's also why most of my noble phantasms are borrowed. I have to [reflect] someone else's power. Because my nature is of the Moon!"

Your hands ache from climbing through sharp jewelry. But, you have to admit, the view is beautiful from here.

And then, something suddenly strikes you. "You are a man."

"That is correct."

"You are a woman."

"That is also correct!" He grabs your hand. His fingers may look delicate, but his palms feel rough and calloused. "I'm whatever people see me as. Man, woman, non-binary, bigender, demigender. I'm all of them. I'm none of them. Your guess is as good as any! I [reflect] what others see me as."

He runs his thumb on the back of your hand, softly. "Ready to run down there?"

What?! Wait, no, hold-

Astolfo doesn't wait for you, obviously. He rushes down the hill and pulls you in his wake, cackling like a madman. FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCKFUCKFUCK-

"Hey hey hey! Master, master, wasn't it fun?"

It was but please give a warning next time, Astolfo.

He laughs again, and reach out to ruffle your hair. "My bad, my bad. But hey, at least we're here! Wasn't the shortcut totally worth it?"

Here?

He was actually guiding you somewhere?

"Obviously." The next pile he drags you to is of bottles. Some small, some large, all filled with what you can only assume to be liquor. "You know, usually, I don't like getting all philosophical. I'm more of an action person, you feel? But for you, I figured I could make the effort."

He tosses a bottle at you. It's quite large; you're so surprised by the weight that it takes you a second to realize your name is written on it.

"... It's not alcohol, is it?"

"Pft, nah. I wouldn't have dragged you here for some cheap wine." He shakes his head. When he speaks next, his voice is just an octave lower. 

"Master. This is your sanity."

...

Ah.

That's... a lot more than you'd thought.

"Yeah." For a fleeting second, he looks- sad? Pitying? It's gone before you can analyse it further. "If you want it back, you just have to drink. It's that simple."

... Just... to drink...

You stare at the bottle. Then Astolfo. Then the bottle again.

You... just need to drink. Just. Need to drink.

Just.

Faintly, you notice your hands are trembling.

Finally, you hear a sigh, and you realize you have no idea how long you've stood here. It could have been hours. It could have been years. It most likely has been a full minute.

Astolfo reaches out, and takes the bottle off your hands. You don't try to stop him.

"I figured you'd do that. But I thought, I should at least offer you the option to have it back, you know?" He sets the bottle back on the pile. "But you're right. This would only do you a disservice."

He turns to you again. Reaches out. Brush hair off your forehead.

"Had you been a little saner, you wouldn't have been able to handle any of this, would you?"

If I could see in your eyes the truth

Thomas doesn't know, why he finds Richard's eyes so captivating. He doesn't see them nearly as much as he'd like to - distance be damned. But he's witnessed their reaction in different situations by now, causing them to be tinted by different emotions. And the palette of Richard's irises is probably his favourite study he's ever conducted.

1. Mischief

Thomas sees the mischievous sparkle Richard's eyes can produce for the first time after the phone call. After Richard hangs up the receiver, his glance meets Thomas', the mirth in his eyes causing them to shine. It's got something childish and adventurous and makes Thomas want to run away, keep running, until he's out of breath and feels alive with the cold air rushing through his lungs. That's exactly what it feels like - the view briefly knocks the air out of his lungs. It makes him forget the boundaries in his life, the rules of a game he never signed up to play. Richard's shine is invigorating. And all of that with a simple blink in Thomas' direction.

2. Joy

Richard's loud laugh slowly ebbs away after Thomas tells a joke that really wasn't that funny at all. But the butler isn't going to complain, adoring the melodious waves of the other man's voice. As Richard composes himself, with laughing creases adorning his eyes, leaning forward on his elbows once more, he looks at Thomas from across the table, just a few yards away. Yet, to Thomas it seems like miles on end, when his eyes meet the deep blue of Richard's. The dark current with strikes of light blue in them reminds Thomas of a summer day in his childhood years: it had been the first time he'd seen the sea. It had been drizzling, the temperature rather low for a June day, but it hadn't mattered. The billows of the ocean, sea spray dancing in frothy chunks on top, had raised a sense of longing in him. A yearning to go, where the waves came from; out into the world, wherever the wind would take his little sailboat.

Tuning back in to the present, Thomas feels the same tugging at his heart now. But not for the great wide openness of the ocean. This time, he longs for nothing more than to draw closer to the little bit of wild sea Richard Ellis carries in his eyes. A piece of the swirling, dark blue freedom of the Atlantic, just not on the other side of the country, but right here with the man he so dearly loves.

3. Rage

Thomas admits that he hates having seen this colour of emotion in Richard's eyes. He also hates that he holds no power, as to make it go away instantly. They are walking through York - Richard is officially visiting his parents, not so officially spending most of his stay with the butler. It's past dusk, the fading moon, the weak street lamps and the windows with partly drawn curtains illuminating the cobble stone streets. Few people cross their path along the way, but enough to remind them that they are under constant surveillance. No funny business allowed. Circumspection.

The two of them are walking up to the car, it's time to head back to the Abbey. They stop in front of the bonnet though, not being able to stop talking and staring at each other. Richard leans against the front of the car, crossing his ankles smoothly. A warm grin spreads across his face in response to their light-hearted bickering. Richard's pupils are hugely dilated in the darkness of the night, as if someone dripped poisonous drops of belladonna in them. Only the moonlight is reflected in the almost-blackness of them. Thomas finds it frighteningly beautiful.

Thomas loses all control of his limbs. It isn't him, who raises his hand to Richard's cheek, it must be some other divine force, one his human self is subservient to. The flesh of his face is warm against the cold fabric of his leather glove. The tips of his fingers react to the feeling like to the jolt of an electric shock. A tingling sensation spreads through them, crawling up along his arm, right to his torso.

A shout makes Thomas drop the hand with the speed of lightning.

"Fuck off, you fags!"

Both their heads snap to the source of the slurred call. A single drunk staggers along the pavement, hatefully spitting on the concrete slabs in their direction. The short man is too hammered to impose a real threat, Thomas and Richard's trained physique would easily allow them to take him down. Thomas feels feeble and sick anyhow.

The abuse doesn't trigger the same reaction in Richard though. When Thomas turns his head back to his face, he can see the muscles in his jaw clenching, the fists in his coat pockets balling. The gentleness of the dark in his eyes has fully disappeared, giving way to a flaming, savage black. The hot anger seeps through his irises like hot coals, ready to annihilate anything they settle upon.

For a short moment, Thomas thinks he is going to act on animalistic instinct, commit a stupidity he'll regret as soon as it happens. Therefore, before anything can happen, Thomas swiftly moves to the door of the vehicle, climbing in to the driver's seat. The abrupt action is enough to startle Richard, and after some internal wringing, he follows suit. Thomas ignites the engine, wishing for nothing else but to drive away as quickly and quietly as possible. The drive home is silent.

4. Wistfulness

Thomas knows this one too well. He sees the subtle hue of pain whenever they say their good-byes. At train stations, in his office, at the threshold of Richard's parents' front door - he would recognise it in a swarm of eyes. Richard always lowers his eye lids a bit, like he's trying to tune out everything else and solely focus on Thomas' features. His eyes flicker across them, attempting to map the butler's face in detail in the last remaining seconds of company. It's also the look Thomas remembers at night, having been the last thing he sees of Richard before he leaves, once again. Thomas analyses it in his head, over and over, when he feels awefully cold in his bed without strong arms wrapped around him. The memory of his sweetheart's eyelashes fluttering closed as Thomas places a peck on his cheek is enough to get him through those sleepless hours.

5. Insencerity

This one is actually quite tricky to spot, it took Thomas some time to decipher when Richard is lying. He's fairly good at it; like an instantaneous polite mask that shields him whenever he pushes the right button. A grey veil clouds the blue of his irises then, dimming the brightness that is normally so enticing to anybody who crosses Richard's path. He uses it whenever other people are around and asking personal questions, in London more than at Downton, perhaps out of fear of being exposed. But one time, he plays the trick in the beginning of their relationship on Thomas himself. It's just a simple question the butler asks, nothing he thinks would result in tension. Only wanting to know, how he was doing down at the palace. Nothing more, nothing less. Richard shifts in his seat, his index finger tapping the surface of the desk in Thomas' office. He looks him in the eye, and before he even says anything, Thomas knows he's lying.

"Fine."

Four letters, carrying the exact opposite meaning of what the word they form actually mean. Thomas recoils at the insencerity, it stinging like the bite of a bumblebee.

"Sure?"

Richard raises the cup of tea in front of him to his lips.

"Yes."

The 's' is a little too sharp in his intonation, his jaw line too visible. Thomas doesn't want to be responsible for further discomfort during the limited time they have together, so he pretends to buy it. But in his mind, he files away the dull light a lie projects on to Richard's countenance.

6. Lust

It's a similar wide-blown, penetrative stare like when Richard is angry, the belladonna effect kicking in. When they stand this close, almost touching but not quite, Thomas can see the positive hunger in Richard's eyes. Like they're already devouring him, even before their lips can taste each other. Thomas cannot bloody resist it. It makes him go weak in the knees and hot in the face - restraint being a word in a foreign language. It takes both of their brains to come up with a coherent excuse to retract themselves from the servants' hall and drive each other crazy in the darkness of the broom cupboard up the three flights of stairs. Hot breaths and rough touches, tugging of hair and broiling feelings in the pit of their stomachs. Somehow the air seems warmer and thicker here, causing Thomas having to inhale deeper to satisfy his body's need for oxygen. Eventually, he needs to pull back completely though, his lungs giving in. Richard notices and leans back too, but his eyes still stick to Thomas' like the hungry stare of a lion waiting on its prey. The possessiveness of it makes Thomas shiver; he'd never have thought to like belonging to someone, but with Richard he doesn't mind one bit.

7. Something Thomas isn't sure he can place

The first time it happens is when Thomas jogs up towards Richard, who is standing on the path next to the lawn. During the motion, Thomas' open jacket flops at his sides, Master George and Lady Sybbie's high-pitched laughter in the background. Thomas outwitted the children in a short game of football, his nimble feet always kicking the ball just out of their reach. In the end, George just latched on to Thomas from behind, the butler thereby dragging the boy along the grass. Thomas gave in at the effort of it - he isn't 25 anymore after all. The youngsters having stolen the ball, Thomas returns back to his company beside the mown field. Richard stands on the gravel, watching Thomas with a bemused smile. Yet, when Thomas finally arrives and halts right in front of him, he senses another new layer of fondness in Richard's eyes. It's something that causes the familiar dark blue to seem even deeper, a sky you could fall in to, an ocean you could drown in. And they sparkle, oh so lovely, in the rays of the setting sun. Thomas is unable to name the emotion that tints Richard's eyes in that moment. But he knows that he'd move mountains and valleys to keep it there.

Hello, have been following your work for many days. Sorry if I do not review (shyness). I hear you were asking for prompts, what about A Gentle “I Love You” Whispered After A Soft Kiss, Followed Immediately By A Stronger Kiss, please? :) P.S: I will write a review one of these days I promise >_< and you will meet me.

Hey, stay anonymous as long as you want!!!  A review would be nice though.  Maybe on FFn where it’s easy to be anonymous.  Speaking of...

FFn Link ---> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13580393/1/Brighter-Than-the-Moon

Yeah...okay, here it comes.  And Anon, this has literally nothing to do with you personally.

Attention readers:  you need to review the fics you read.

How would you feel...if you worked SO hard on something, put hours and hours of time and energy (because yes, that's what it takes—especially for the people who write multi-chapter epics) and truly, your heart and soul into something...and no one says a word?

Fanfiction doesn't make money for the author. Fanfiction is a passion project! It means something to us, deeply.

We want the reviews. We want the anonymous one-word reviews that just say "nice." We want the long detailed analyses of character motivations. We want the constructive criticism! If I could have phrased something better, or if I made a typo...I want to know about it!

Also...most fanfiction writers aspire to be professional writers someday. Of the several people I have specifically asked this question of, only one of them has said no, it's just a hobby. This is their passion! It's their soul! I know of three individuals who have in fact already removed some of their fics from the web because they are getting them published! I know three different individuals who have shared some of their original writings with me!

If you've read this far, thank you. If you've been skipping this, I will now get your attention because THIS IS IMPORTANT. Your silence hurts. Deeply. Please leave a review? Especially for the multi-chap writers. They deserve it SO much more than a flash-fic hobbyist like me.

Now on with the passion project...

---------------------

Brighter Than the Moon

Shego frowned as she walked with her hands on her hips, putting distance between she and Drakken. It wasn't that he had insisted on their going on an outdoor date, at night... It wasn't even that he had insisted it be a picnic in a rural place he had 'spotted' that he liked.

It was that it was so humid!

The charcoal purple linen tank-dress she wore helped slightly, even though the garment was fitted at the waist. She wondered how Drakken was surviving the heat in his dark charcoal pants and electric blue button-up shirt even with his sleeves rolled up, and if he would later regret the outing.

They had parked the hover-car and he was carrying the large picnic basket under one arm and their blanket under the other. She glanced at him and saw sweat already forming on his brow and on his neck. The sun had dipped below the horizon during their flight and the light was presently an odd mixture of the remnants of the sun and the growing light of the harvest moon that was already high in the sky.

Shego dropped back a step as she reached behind her head and pulled her high ponytail a bit tighter, eyeing Drakken's hair as she did so.

"Are we there yet?" she asked.

Drakken's brow furrowed lightly.

"No... There's a really beautiful spot up ahead, Shego."

She was tempted to roll her eyes, but since he wouldn't see it she didn't see the point.

"Stop for a second," she said. He glanced back at her as she approached him. "Hold still."

She pulled the small blue elastic out of his hair and re-did his ponytail for him much higher. It looked...ridiculous. But it would keep him cooler.

She stepped to his side again and he blinked as he analyzed her action. "Eh heh...thanks," he said shyly.

She smirked lightly in response, and they continued walking.

"...So why the long hair anyway?" she asked after a moment.

She'd always wondered. The whole...'getting to know each other' thing was suddenly awkward, now that they were going on dates instead of just sniping at each other in any of their various lairs. All the things she had bugged him about without a thought before suddenly seemed odd to say.

"Just...never cut it, after I dropped out of college," he muttered, walking ahead again.

Shego watched as he switched the basket and blanket awkwardly between his arms, pausing to wipe his brow with the back of his wrist. She considered offering to help...but then she'd get more sweaty. She stretched her arms over her head instead, avoiding touching her hair.

"Would you?" she asked.

"What?" He paused and glanced back.

"Cut your hair?" she asked.

His brow furrowed. "I'm not sure."

Shego caught up to him and they continued walking up the hill. She felt the most annoying fluttering in her chest as she debated on whether or not to voice her next thought. She rearranged some words and the fluttering feeling diminished.

"I think it would look good," she said, keeping her voice as even as possible.

"Hn?" he asked, turning his distracted gaze toward her.

"Your hair. If you cut it, I think it would look good," she said with a shrug.

Drakken blushed faintly and looked forward again.

Shego sighed silently. It had been almost four months since the Lorwardian invasion, and just over two since they had started officially dating. It had been a bizarre but understandable beginning, as before all they seemed able to do was yell at one another. And then finally Drakken had been the brave one, to admit that he desperately wanted to try 'going good' to just to see what it felt like. He could always return to villainy if he didn't like it, but...he couldn't bring himself to try being 'good' without her. And then with much embarrassed grumbling and very little eye-contact, he'd confessed to having greater feelings for her than just those of a boss.

Shego hadn't laughed or mocked him, which surprised her. Instead she'd found herself at a loss for words. And each time she thought of something dark to say that would destroy him emotionally, she found something holding her back. He'd taken her silence as hope and had shakily asked her on a date. She'd been shocked to hear herself saying yes. And now he was a researcher for the US military, and she was...still there. Living with him in one of their mainland lairs and...just existing.

There was still a lot to work out. But at present she was trying to figure out why on earth she kept saying 'yes' to his date requests. Some dates had been nice. Others had been laughably cheesy and hadn't gone well at all. And yet...she still kept saying yes. And kept living with him and doing nothing, while he built a career.

Drakken had apparently reached his desired picnic spot as he set the blanket and basket down and then leaned over with a huff. Shego stood next to him and looked at the ridiculous high ponytail she'd done for him. As soon as the air cooled down and the humidity abated, she was putting his hair back to rights.

Drakken straightened and cautiously put a hand on the small of her back, guiding her to turn around.

"Shego, look!"

She turned and her brow rose. He had indeed chosen a prime spot. In the distance, the last of the sunlight was clinging to the peaks of towering red sandstone buttes. City lights blanketed the flatland between the buttes and the place Drakken had found. And wildflowers of varying colors peppered the side of the lush, green hill they had climbed. The particular spot Drakken had selected was beneath the shade of a massive oak, and she was already feeling cooler from the few moments they had stood there.

"Isn't the view nice?" he asked.

"Yeah..." She had to admit, it was.

Drakken spread the picnic blanket and Shego sat down, turning her legs out to the side in an attempt at comfort in the humidity. Drakken joined her a moment later, sitting cross-legged as he happily spread out the meal from the picnic basket.

There was some sort of slaw with broccoli and cranberries, lobster rolls, fruit salad, two thermoses of iced tea, and for dessert a strawberry cheesecake. He finished setting up for the meal with a small vase of pink hydrangeas placed between them.

"Looks good, Doc," she said as he began making her a plate.

"Thank you," he said with another slight blush.

Shego realized looking at the hand-packed food that he must have made everything himself. How long had that taken, she wondered? Because it was Friday and he had worked a full day at...wherever exactly it was he worked.

After he passed her the plate and was loading up his own, she thought again about how different conversation was now. Before, she wouldn't have even considered whether or not it was important to have something to say. But now it was expected.

"How was work?" she asked, the question feeling odd. Her brow furrowed.

Drakken smirked and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I'm not supposed to say."

Shego's brow rose and she met his smirk as she took a bite of the slaw. It was delicious.

"I built a laser that can travel over three hundred kilometers with no loss of energy," he blurted out.

Shego's smirk grew. "What are they gonna use that for?"

Drakken grinned as he chewed on his own bite of slaw. He shook his head as he swallowed it down.

"I'm not supposed to say."

Shego shifted and continued eating, giving him a devious look.

"Just communications," Drakken finally said. "But I did...suggest some more aggressive options, during my presentation."

Shego dropped her gaze as she continued the meal. He may be on the side of good to all watching eyes, but inside she knew he still had evil leanings. And he enjoyed sharing that with her.

She considered that the evening might be a good time to talk more about plans for the long-term... Because the position he'd put her in couldn't possibly be more awkward. She was his live-in...what exactly? Who did nothing each day but work-out, read, watch the news, and wait for him to come home. It was uncomfortably domestic.

And the question she had yet to voice that she knew he hadn't even considered was...if he decided he did like 'good' and wanted to stick to it permanently, then what would become of her? She had been surprised to discover she cared about him. But switching sides for him... And especially doing nothing with her life, wasn't what she was after. He needed to be aware that if he kept including her in his plans...then he actually needed to include her as more than the person he talked to over breakfast and dinner and then bid a good-night to each day.

But such serious talk was antithetical to her personality. It could wait... She hoped.

"I also refined the targeting lasers for the army's tanks."

Shego grinned.

The meal continued for about half an hour with Drakken rambling about all of the work he'd been doing, which was no different from any other night. But it was easier to listen to that than to talk about the future, and she had to admit...the setting he'd chosen for their date was very romantic. The full moon was so bright that it was casting shadows over the landscape and created an other-worldly atmosphere. They didn't need any additional light to see their plates. And the food was absolutely delicious.

"Did you make all of this?" she interrupted as she used a fork to stab a grape from the fruit salad.

"Oh..." He seemed caught off-guard by the non-sequitur. "Yes."

"When?" she asked.

"After work today."

Shego was not a good cook. But she looked at the remnants of the meal they had eaten and considered how long it must have taken to prepare the perfectly succulent lobster, the well-balanced slaw with its dressing...

"Even the cheesecake?"

Drakken nodded. "Yes. Are you...ready for dessert?" he asked.

She nodded her assent, and he served her a piece.

He hadn't put any strawberries in the fruit salad, and she realized it was probably so the cheesecake was all the more special. How did he even know strawberries were her favorite? She was sure she'd never told him. She took a bite.

"This is incredible!" she said.

Drakken blushed again—a reaction that was becoming more and more common with him, she noticed. He leaned down on his side as he continued eating his meal—he'd not yet finished for talking so much—as she slowly enjoyed the cheesecake. She shifted to move her legs around to her other side to give them a chance to breathe in the humidity, which was thankfully dropping.

"You must have worked really hard on all this..." Shego said, thinking again about his fourteen-hour work day prior to preparing their picnic.

Drakken blushed again and continued eating. A few minutes of silence passed, and Shego's mind kept returning to one subject. Despite her desire to put the future out of her mind, she found it impossible and was suddenly speaking about it.

"Do you like being good?" she blurted out.

Drakken started and looked thoughtful. He opened his mouth to answer, and then paused. His brow furrowed in a way that she found adorable—'Adorable?'—and he shoved the last bite of his lobster roll in his mouth, looking frustrated. After swallowing he took a long drink from his thermos of tea.

He lay down on his back and looked up at the clouds in the twilight sky. "I don't know..."

Shego poked at her cheesecake. "You seem happy... When you talk about your job every day."

Drakken shifted back to his side and pulled at his hair in annoyance. Shego reached over and pulled his high ponytail out. He took the elastic from her and fixed it back to normal himself.

"I do like the job..."

Shego took a drink and then moved her plate aside. She suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. She lay down on her back and listened to the sounds of the night. Distant sounds of traffic and chirruping tree frogs made up the majority of the chorus. But there was also water somewhere that she could hear.

"That cloud looks like a turtle," Drakken said, pointing.

Shego followed his gaze and found the indicated cloud. He was right.

"How was your day today?" Drakken asked, turning to look at her.

Shego felt her chest tighten. He never asked... He only ever talked about himself. Her day had been like every other. Eating. Napping. Working out. Reading and finding no enjoyment. A purposeless existence. And one that she was rapidly realizing she couldn't live anymore. That's why she was suddenly so concerned with the future.

Because she hoped that her future included Drakken, perhaps as much as he hoped his included her.

"That one looks like a donkey and a pig on a date," Shego said, pointing to a larger cloud.

"That was...very specific," Drakken commented.

"Well, look at it."

She watched as he narrowed his eyes as he gazed skyward, and then he yawned.

Shego chuckled. "Am I boring you, Doc?"

He turned toward her in a panic. "No! No, I—"

Shego reached out and touched his shoulder. "I'm just teasing. I know you're tired."

Drakken's whole frame relaxed. "...Oh..." he sighed in relief and lay on his back again.

They talked of nothing but clouds for several minutes, and gradually fell silent. Fireflies performed their silent, mysterious dance around them and faint stars began peeking through the bright moonlit sky above them. Shego found it to be unusually pleasant, just to be there with him. But of course, her mind wouldn't let her enjoy it. She wondered again about the future—a thought which was beginning to become a torture, and decided to ask him again. But when she rolled on her side to face him...his eyes were closed.

She blinked in surprise...and then realized it made perfect sense. He had been awake since around four that morning, had worked a fourteen hour day, cooked all evening, and now it was after eight o'clock.

She sat up and quietly cleared away the remnants of their picnic on the blanket between them, smelling the hydrangeas before moving them aside as well. She moved closer to him and studied his sleeping face. He looked calm...but his brow was lightly furrowed—a near-constant state of being, for him. The dark circles under his eyes seemed darker in the evening sky, not at all helped by his blue skin. But, somehow...the electric blue shirt he wore made his skin look healthier, with almost a glow to it. The moonlight aided the effect, and for a moment he didn't look like Drakken the tired nerdy scientist, but just...very handsome.

Shego moved nearer and lay on her side leaning slightly over him, debating on whether or not she should touch him. When he'd touched the small of her back earlier without asking, it had been very bold of him. That was one thing at least, about their dating... He was much better at respecting boundaries.

The decision was taken out of her hands as Drakken's eyes suddenly opened, seemingly startled by nothing. He blinked frantically for a moment before focusing on her face.

"Did I fall asleep?" he asked worriedly.

She nodded and grinned.

"I'm so sorry!" he said, his face twisting into a grimace.

"I don't mind," she said softly.

He suddenly seemed to become aware of how close she was to him, with the hair of her ponytail falling over his shoulder as she leaned over him. His anxiety faded as he looked up at her in a mixture of awe and nerves. And she didn't blame him, because she hadn't given him many indications one way or another if she enjoyed their dates.

It wasn't much different than being back at any of their lairs. They had the same conversations with occasional odd deviations, such as cloud formations. It was just the setting and their clothes that changed.

But she wanted to send him a clear message then and there. She leaned down and pressed a light, lingering kiss against his lips. It wasn't their first kiss, or their second... But it was the first that seemed to be without obligation motivating it. Not a good-night kiss after a date, or a kiss for the gluttonous reporters. This one was just theirs.

When she pulled away, Drakken was blushing and had a bit of a silly look on his face. He hummed delightfully almost to himself, and she reached up and pinched his cheek.

"Ow! Hey!"

"You just gonna dwell on that one, or really kiss me and make some new memories?"

Drakken looked elated. He set his hands on her waist and pulled her gently nearer. She set her forearms on his chest and settled her weight over him as she kissed him again, and this time he responded in kind. She felt a familiar fluttering in her chest, and that in combination with his touch took her breath away. When she pulled away to breathe, she was surprised to feel his hands pushing her away slightly.

"Would you like to go for a walk?"

There was a smile, and an eager hope in his eyes that compelled her.

"All right," she answered.

She moved away, and he rolled to his front and got up on his knees. He took another drink from his thermos and then rose to his feet, offering her his hand. She took it.

They started down the opposite side of the hill. The greenish-yellow flash of fireflies covered the field, occasionally brightening some of the color of the wildflowers but mostly giving the night a very surreal effect. Shego was so used to either spending her life either hiding indoors or on the move, that she never stopped to actually look at the world.

As they descended the hill the sound of water grew closer, and Shego saw a small brook flowing through the trees. She wondered if Drakken had a destination in mind or if they were just walking. She had actually...been excited about the idea of kissing him more. Maybe she could incorporate that into their walk.

She definitely liked the feel of his hand gently holding hers.

"Where are we going?" she finally asked when they neared the bottom of the hill.

"Nowhere, really..." he said nervously. Why was he nervous, she wondered?

She held his hand a little tighter. The air around them had become cool and pleasant, and the other-worldly glow of the moon and fireflies was quickly making her forget everything except being with him. She looked up at him and noticed again how the moonlight and his bright shirt made his skin seem to glow. He was smiling softly and appeared thoughtful.

"Drakken..."

She stopped and set her hands on his shoulders. He smiled a bit nervously, but he set his hands on her waist. She leaned up on her toes to kiss him gently.

'Who am I kidding...'

"Mm, Shego?" Drakken asked after slowly pulling away.

"Yes?" she smiled up at him.

He took a step back and brought his hands together to fidget. He suddenly looked very anxious.

"Are you...having a good time?"

She smiled broadly. "Yes." It was true. And she hoped her smile encouraged him. She was rather hoping he would make a bolder move...or else she might have to.

"I..." Drakken glanced away and took another slight step back. Shego followed his gaze to the small brook, which wasn't so distant anymore. There were even more fireflies over the water. She looked back at Drakken. "I know it...hasn't been long."

Drakken got down on one knee.

'Oh no.'

He started to reach into his pocket.

"But I...think it's been long enough."

'Please no.'

He produced a small, black ring box from his pocket and started to hold it up.

"Shego, I—"

"No, no stop!" she said frantically, waving her hands and backing away.

Drakken's face fell. She felt her chest clench in pain at the hurt in his eyes. But she couldn't let him do that.

"Get up!" she demanded, hoping the tremor in her voice wasn't audible.

He got up, fidgeting with the box in his hands, his eyes desperate and innocent.

She turned on her heel and walked away, back in the direction they'd come. Her heart was pounding in panic and she didn't have any words for what he'd just done. So she walked away.

The fireflies had lost their mystique and suddenly seemed chaotic, their flashing like little tiny attacks on her mind and emotions as she hurried back toward their picnic site.

The chaos within her intensified as she thought of what had been about to happen. He was without a doubt about to present her with a ring and offer her forever. But what was forever? If it was just the life she was presently living, then...it wouldn't make her happy. And she couldn't break his heart by accepting the proposal and knowing she would only get more miserable as the days went by.

She heard him jogging behind her to catch up.

"Shego? I...uhm..."

She turned on her heel, the glare in her eyes halting his approach.

"How could you even dare...? I don't believe you, Drakken."

He looked so apologetic and scared, but everything that had been bothering her about their relationship was threatening to burst forth. She hoped she could hold it back. She wanted to let it out.

"I...I'm sorry, I... It's just...I know we've only been dating a short time, but we've been together for so long..."

"Yeah, and you know what? We were better before we were dating."

He recoiled. She'd hurt him. She felt a pang in her chest, and tried to explain.

"At least then we were...doing something together. We had common goals, we came up with ideas together, we worked well together and made each other better... What are we doing now?"

Her anger started to calm at the confused and devastated look in his eyes. She truly didn't want to hurt him. She'd been going along with his new experimental life, after all.

Drakken bit his lip and swallowed slowly before speaking. "I thought... But you agreed to...to stay with me, while I tried—"

"I didn't expect my life to be...sitting in the lair doing absolutely nothing while you go to your nine-to-five. Don't you realize I have done nothing since we moved and you took that job? I can't spend my life playing house, Drakken."

Shego was glad that for once in his life, he seemed to be listening and not immediately making the situation all about him. Yet another sign that he took them seriously, and that maybe...what he'd been about to offer her wasn't just a whim. But she couldn't just be his trophy wife.

"Are you saying...you want to go back to being evil?" he asked slowly.

Shego turned her face down and lightly rubbed her forehead. How could she know?

"I haven't even done anything while you've been trying out good, so I don't know. I have to do something, and I..." she shook her head, "I can't do what you do. I can't be...someone's employee."

He took in her words and then she could see his mind racing behind his eyes for a solution. But...she didn't know if one could be found. After the life she'd lived, first as a hero with Team Go since childhood, and then as a villain for much of adulthood... She didn't think she could settle for anything less than...

...Ruling the world. She sighed.

Drakken didn't seem able to find an answer either, and after a long minute where the only sounds were the chorus of frogs, he sighed too. He looked up at her.

"If I do...want to keep being good..." he began carefully, "will you still stay with me?"

She felt another pang in her chest. She could see in his eyes. Good was what he wanted. He liked his new life. She pursed her lips and considered for a moment, but then slowly shook her head.

"I have to do something. I need..." she took a deep breath, clenching her fists and raising them, igniting them for just a moment before releasing her breath in a sigh. "More."

She saw a sadness flit through Drakken's eyes, but it was gone in an instant. He cleared his throat.

"So if we go back to being evil...you'll stay with me?" he asked, nodding through the last words.

The clenching in Shego's chest grew stronger. She grit her teeth and turned to walk away again. In her distraction she'd passed the path that would return her to their picnic site and was closer to the brook now, and the hill next to her had grown too steep to ascend. Why did he have to be so...so...sacrificial? Why would he...

She stopped and turned to face him again, slightly startled by how closely he was following.

"Why would you give up what makes you happy for me?"

He swallowed anxiously, his eyes cautious and yet pleading. "Because I...because..."

Shego saw that he still held the ring box, clenched tightly in one of his hands.

"It won't mean anything if you're not with me."

His tone was a hair stronger than pathetic, and she wanted to scoff at him. But she couldn't for his sincerity.

She turned away again, but this time only stared out over the landscape, her eyes not focusing on any one thing. Why did he have to be all about her? He usually made things all about him! Which would be so much easier to deal with. Because if he said it was about his new job, then she could find it within her to walk away and break his heart. But when he was willing to leave the new life he'd found, for her...

She let out something between a grunt and a sigh as she rubbed her forehead again. The conversation was giving her a headache. She realized suddenly that it was both of them that were the problem. She turned around again.

"We have to stop this."

He blinked rapidly. "What?"

"You have to...stop making this all about me, and I have to stop making it all about you. We need to...have a serious discussion about what we really want. Or we're never going to get anywhere."

Drakken bit the inside of his cheek. He very clearly had a response, but he was holding it back.

"Then...what do you want?" he asked slowly.

Shego took a deep breath as her eyes narrowed and her jaw set.

"Power. What do you want?"

Drakken pursed his lips. He glanced to the side and took a step as if to start pacing, but then he looked back at her. The war on his face over behaving like a mature adult versus the emotional outburst she knew he wanted to make would have been comical in another situation. But as it was, she looked at him seriously and waited.

The battle was brief and the real him won, and he threw his hands out to the sides as the explosion came.

"You! I just want you. I don't care what else I do as long as you're with me!"

Shego felt the fluttering in her chest again. But she also felt the headache.

"Doc, life doesn't work like that. There has to be something else—"

"Whatever you want, Shego. If you want to take over the world then...that's what we'll do. If you want me to use my new position to infiltrate the highest levels of world governments and build a network to slowly topple them from within and rule the world that way, we can. If you—"

"Whoa, hold on. It sounds like you've thought about this."

Drakken glanced away nervously and shrugged. "Maybe."

Shego couldn't help the smirk that came to her face. But she confronted him again. "It can't be all about me. It has to be about you, too."

Drakken shifted and took a stronger stance in front of her. "I told you what I want."

His eyes were so dark blue they were almost black as he stared at her. The fluttering in her chest increased. Why was that happening to her? That shouldn't be happening to her.

His nervousness had dropped away and his gaze was so intense he almost looked angry, but she knew he wasn't. It was just a laser focus that he only applied when he was dead-set on something and nothing could shake him. She'd seen it a few times before, either on schemes that were near to succeeding or on others where he was so desperate not to lose that he seemed willing to give it all.

"Shego, I...we...we can figure the rest out. But what I want is— ...What I need is you." He went down on his knee again and held up the ring box.

"No!"

"Will you marry me?"

The opened box revealed a diamond solitaire set in a gold band. The moonshine caused the gem to almost glow in the same ethereal way that he was.

Shego's heart pounded as she looked between the ring and his intense gaze. And she knew...he meant every word he'd said. But what if in the end, it didn't make him happy?

"I want you to be happy, Drakken," she said, surprised at how weak her voice sounded.

"Then...marry me."

The feelings swirling in her head and chest were making her lightheaded. She didn't know how much longer she could take them. She fished for an excuse.

"We haven't even said 'I love you' yet."

Drakken closed the ring box and stood up. He fiercely grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him. She let her forearms rest on his chest as her fingers weakly gripped the front of his shirt. She was actually grateful for the support, as she didn't know how much longer she could keep her feet under the dizzying emotions and his intense gaze.

"I love you," he said.

The swirling and spinning in her chest were out of control. Her mouth moved to try to form a response, but she couldn't. She finally tilted her chin up and placed her lips softly against his. The rush that was washing coherent thought from her mind calmed ever-so slightly and when they slowly parted she knew.

She moved one arm up around his neck and rested her hand on the back of his head.

"I love you," she said. It was true... It was true.

She leaned forward to kiss him again, but he took her by surprise as his lips crashed against hers with passion. The kiss was like fire, their lips like tongues of flame as they danced wildly over the other's, seeking to consume. Just as Shego felt her trembling legs wouldn't hold her, she hopped up and wrapped her legs around Drakken's waist and held on with the last of her strength. He was surprised for a moment and stumbled, but soon found a sturdy stance as his hands gripped beneath her thighs to support her, never breaking the kiss.

A sudden luminescent flash of green right in front of their eyes startled them out of their passion, and Shego had the briefest moment to register 'firefly' as Drakken stumbled back and tripped, falling into the thankfully steeply inclined hill. The impact was unpleasant, but it had been a short fall, and he'd only held tighter to her as he went down. He blinked in distraction and irritation, but Shego's grin brought him back to the present as she shifted and adjusted her body comfortably atop his, resting her bare knees in the cool grass on either side of his legs.

Drakken blushed deeply at the intimacy and cleared his throat. Shego plucked a wildflower from near his head and playfully touched the petals to his lips. His fingers pressed into her back and slowly dragged upward. The intense swirling in Shego's chest returned, and she tossed the flower aside. She leaned down and kissed him soundly. His fingers pressed deeply into the flesh of her back as he returned the sensuous touch, and she moaned desirously into his mouth.

The pressure of his grip decreased and he slowly pulled away. She smiled down at him, and he returned her warm gaze. But the hint of fear in his eyes told her it was just a little too much too soon. And judging by the dizziness she still felt, it was probably too much for her too.

"I want to hear more about this idea to infiltrate world governments from within," she said with a smirk.

Drakken shook his head. "Not yet."

Shego was about to frown, but his hand left her back and she felt him shift slightly to the side. A moment later, the ring box was suddenly right in front of her face, the diamond ring shining within.

"Marry me."

The swirling feelings began to calm. Shego's face sobered as she stared at the ring. To actually commit to forever was very different from just...going on as they always had.

Drakken's face began to fall. In a panic, Shego leaned forward and kissed him. She couldn't bear the idea of his unhappiness...

And then the realization came, like the soft flash of a firefly. Wasn't what he was doing, exactly what she had been doing? He was willing to give up everything he wanted just for her, and...she had already done so. She'd lived with him for over two months now just...supporting him in whatever he wanted, doing nothing for herself. And as much as she dwelt on the seemingly pointless existence she'd been living...she was still happy. It was a joy every time he returned home, with a smile just for her.

It was love. And he was right. They could figure the rest out. The only thing she was really missing...was what he was offering.

She slowly lifted her lips from his to find him watching her in hope and confusion. She smiled and shifted to pick the ring up out of the box.

"Yes," she said, her smile growing. "Yes, Drakken. Yes."

His smile was brighter than the moon. He took the ring and slipped it on her finger. She leaned down and kissed him again, softly, and he hummed in delight. When it ended she shifted and lay her head down on his chest and under his chin, cuddling as close as she could.

'This is everything I want...'

She felt his fingers in her hair, and a thought suddenly occurred to her. She shifted up to look at him again.

"Drakken? Would you cut your hair?" she asked, hoping it didn't sound too blunt.

But his smile remained bright, and his eyes filled with a wonder and joy. Suddenly she was blushing. He continued softly stroking her hair.

"Anything for you," he said.

Book Club: Tallstar’s Revenge, chpt. 19-27 overview.

Meta analysis of Erin Hunter writing tropes and trends, courtesy of two acclaimed e-sports commentators: 

“[Erin Hunter is] like, we need these characters to seem smart, so they will be the ones to call out all the bullshit. But they [the writers] don't go, wait, why is the bullshit even happening, it doesn’t make sense, and then write something better in the first place. I guess because we read these books on such a meta level so often, it really feels like watching one person play ping-pong against themselves, but one persona needs to look good so the other persona keeps giving themselves wedgies at the table and holding the paddle the wrong way. Which is... less impressive overall than just watching a nice normal game of ping-pong.” - S.

“Erin Hunter, about to self-own: I'm gonna pull what's called a pro-gamer move,” - K.   

“Literally! I can’t get past it. I know both players are you, Erin Hunter. I can see you putting on your dunce hat and walking to the other end of the table. You’re not tricking me.” - S. 

This week we’re discussing this chapter through these nine questions. Please feel welcome to do the same and @ailuronymy + use the tag #ailuronymy writing challenge. Happy reading and I’m looking forward to seeing your feelings about this book.

1. First impressions?

K. Oh boy. Lots of emotions, lots of rollercoaster moments. I'm actively hating the things that are happening, all the time, forever.

S. Mood. I would say actively detesting what's happening is the primary emotion now.

2. How did you feel reading this section?

S. Very much bounced between anger and frustration, with moments of genuine delight. Very much extreme ends of the negative and positive spectrum.

K. I don't think I've been more confused and full of pure venom in my life. As a writer I am appalled, and as a reader I am... so uncertain. The good bits were truly lovely to read, though. They made it feel worthwhile, when they shone through.

3. What chapter did you find most interesting/moving/effective, and why?

S. I think it's got to be the conversation with Heatherstar and Barkface. I think that most hooked me. I was also interested with the Flailfoot conversation, although I hated the turn it took. It will be different in my version.

K. Chapter Twenty is the one that actively had me yelling aloud. I was so ready for the Erins to make Tallpaw a tunneller out of sheer fear, and so to see the back-to-back catharsis of Heatherstar disbanding the tunnellers and then Dawnstripe being so A+... god. It got me good.

4. What chapter did you find least interesting/effective/most frustrating, and why?

K. I honestly blue-screened throughout all of Chapter Twenty-Seven, the last chapter. Without anything happening at all,  I saw a swathe of unending, dull descriptive text and my mind just blacked out to save me from comprehending any of it.

S. Was that the moonstone one?

K. Nope, that's like, the very last chapter of our reading. When he leaves the Clan and finds some rogue cat to lead him in the direction of a house.

S. Oh right. I forgot that too. I'm going to go with the Moonstone chapter, though. I fell asleep and dreamed of a better book for that whole time.

5. Is there a passage that stuck in your mind–for good, or not-so-good reasons? What is it, and why did it stand out? Try breaking it down and analysing what this passage does and how.

S. There were several things in this chapter I loved and that really resonated with my concept of Tallpaw and my writing. 

S. “He’d be a warrior soon, then a senior warrior like Hareflight. One day he’d be an elder, limping like Whiteberry and sharing stories from moons ago with his denmates. Above the vast sky stretched toward distant horizon. The Clan looked small and fragile beneath it. Was this it? His life laid out before him like an old story, told again and again through countless moons? Tallpaw’s chest tightened. Suddenly he felt trapped, as though he were in the tunnels once again.”

S. “A thought flashed in his mind. We’re just visitors, like the rogues. We arrive, we eat, we sleep, and then we move on to StarClan. The only difference was that Clan cats stayed in one place their whole life. I’ll only ever see heather and grass and sky. Tallpaw felt WindClan’s borders pressing closer.” I loved this kind of thinking showing up in the story, and I’d have loved way more of this and far far less of literally everything else. You could honestly cut out all of the Sandgorse angst and just lean into this, because it's good and it's real.

S. I also lost my whole mind at this bit: “They’re survivors, like you,” Barkpaw purred. They walked in silence for a while. Talltail gently steered his friend toward Outlook Rock.  “I love this view,” he mewed as he led Barkpaw out across the stone. Barkpaw peered into the night-shadowed valley. “Why? Everything is so dark and far away.”  Talltail sat down, beckoning Barkpaw to sit beside him with a flick of his tail. “Just wait.”  “For what?” The sky was growing pale as the sun pushed up toward the horizon behind them. Glancing over his shoulder, Talltail saw weak rays seeping through the bare branches of ThunderClan’s forest. “You’ll see in a moment,” he told Barkpaw.  As he spoke, the sun lifted above the trees. Sunlight swept the moor and lit up the tips of Highstones.  S. I was basically like fist-pumping. Canonical evidence that dawn is Tallstar's favourite time of day. I didn't know this before I wrote my other story, but damn it feels good. I love when things line up serendipitously like that. 

K.  Absolutely. Those felt so good to read. Not a very long passage, but: “How could his Clan be so unfeeling?” — This isn’t a galaxy brain take or anything, but I do love how evident it is that Tallpaw is just. Solidly projecting his own feelings onto everyone else. They’re not unfeeling, dog! You are!!

6. What themes have you noticed in this section? Are these themes a continuation of the themes you noticed in the first section, or has the story’s focus changed since then?

S. In the first chunk, I picked out "division" as a theme. And that feels very true still, as far as what's happening in the story. It's even more emphatic, with Palebird pushing Talltail out of her family (or so he feels, and with reason, in my opinion) and his self-imposed removal from the clan.

K. "Desire" might also be poignant for this section, actually. Talltail's desire to go off on his own, Barkface's desire for Talltail to be happy, so many other background characters doing something with their lives to have a new start (while Talltail broods).

S. Yes! I agree there. It's actually pretty interesting how the clan's unity in the face of tragedy and their kinship with the visitors is actually a big catalyst for Talltail to feel that division happening. The more together they are, the more apart he feels. I think desire is true of this too. There's--as always--a lot of emphasis on individuality, and choosing your own destiny and doing what you want.  It reminds me of that line from Hawkheart that I really liked, how every cat has to choose their destiny.

7. If you were going to learn a lesson from this section, what lesson would it be? What message stands out to you most clearly? Do you agree with it?

S. I think insofar as I can glean a lesson from this section, I'd go with learning from Heatherstar: sometimes it will be difficult to help people and they might resent you for it, but if you have the power to make a positive change, you should act, even though it's hard. S. That feels very appropriate, given the state of the world right now. So many people are angry that authority figures are telling them to stay home and prevent the spread of COVID, and are resenting the very people who are trying to save their lives. I can see that same issue playing out so clearly in these chapters, after the death of Sandgorse in the tunnels.

K. Absolutely. It's so, so easy to direct anger towards something or someone tangible, rather than accepting that there are things that Just Happen and there's nothing you can do about it.

K. I was going to say something very similar: the things you need to make yourself better aren't always the things you want to hear. So many people try to help guide Talltail away from his anger or towards other, much healthier ways of thinking -- all of them trying to tell him he doesn't HAVE to be a tunneler is one moment -- and he just HATES hearing it, every time. He doesn't want to accept it. It feels better to be in his emotions about it, even if that's most obviously the worst thing he could be doing for himself and for others. Sometimes you just have to let other people give you the honest to god vibe check and learn to put your heart down for a bit, to see what you need to see.

S. Definitely. I feel that getting better necessitates taking responsibility for yourself. It seems like Talltail is resisting that, maybe because it's difficult to be honest with yourself. If you try, you risk failing. And the problem with any kind of self-improvement or recovery is that it's overall made up of little moments of trying to be better every day. That's so much failure to face, it can feel insurmountable. Whereas one grand gesture of revenge? So much easier.  Anger is a motivating emotion, so if you stay in anger, you can often get things done. But anger is also an emotion that makes it harder to react with patience or think clearly. A double-edged sword, if you will.

K. Absolutely. Pinning "if I complete X Task, I will feel better and fix myself" on some big goal is way easier.

S. I think that's what's happening for him at this time. He's not willing to do the mundane, scary work of trying to be better each day, and is going for something he thinks will alleviate guilt instead. But of course it won't.

8. The title of this novel is Tallstar’s Revenge. How do you feel about that title so far? Does it reflect the content of the story well, or would you choose a different title? What alternative title would you suggest?

S. I personally feel the title sets up the story poorly. Because I knew it was hinged around revenge, I was alert and looking for it from the start. I was paying attention to potential betrayals or crimes, so on. And when I realised this extremely unlikeable awful character, Sandgorse, was the catalyst, I got real mad.

K. I don't even know what better title would work, since I'm honestly not very fond of the Super Editions titles. They just... all do the same, on-the-nose shit and it makes it very boring from the start.

S. I think if we were allowed to tweak it a little, The Forgiveness of Tallstar, would be a title I would potentially enjoy more. There's an ambiguity to it, re: who is being forgiven. Is it Tallstar who needs to be forgiven, or is it Tallstar doing the forgiving. And I think you could thematically tie that in so much better to the kinds of beats this story is already showing up.

K. The only like, quote from the book that I think you could mangle into a title is "We guard the edge of the world," which like... I dunno, having something like "On The Edge" included in there feels right. The book's obviously full of big tension and drama within Windclan, while also noting that they literally are on the fringe of Clan territory.

S. I think maybe Beyond the Edge of the World? Since that’s essentially where Tallstar’s journey takes him? 

K. Yeah!

9. Many of us read because we’re curious to find out what’s next. How has curiosity featured in your experience of this book? What’s motivated you to keep reading?

K. Hoo boy. Honestly, half of the reason I'm reading is just with crossed fingers that somehow, SOMEHOW, Talltail becomes better. I know he must. He has to.

S.  For me, curiosity is a big part of why I'm reading--and continuing to read--this book. I want to know what happens next! I'm just usually expecting not to like it.

Final notes:

K. I'm excited for Jake to show up, because I feel that'll help break up whatever the hell Talltail is doing. He needs an excitable twink to break him from the evil fog he's in. S. I don't know if Jake is a twink, honestly. K. Oh, very true. We do love a good himbo. S. He's a bit of a rolypoly boy, according to the wiki. K. OH, even better. K. I forgot that Talltail is the twink. S. He's just a long sad string bean.

K. I AM APALLED AT THIS TURN OF EVENTS, ERIN K. This book is… it’s like being consistently starved to death and then given like, a single apple slice and going ravenous for it. There are so many moments that FEEL great (even if they’re not miraculous, writing or content wise), almost solely because so many things that precede them straight up cause my reader brain to flatline. The despicable one-two punch of Chapter Nineteen into the handful of great moments in Chapter Twenty makes me feel like I’m being waterboarded by Erin Hunter. K. Erin Hunter, holding my head down into the waters of godawful content, before yanking me up for air to see Heatherstar and Dawnstripe saying Good Things just to shove me in again. S. I can't disagree with you. S. I genuinely had moments of going "yeah!!!" followed by "NO!!!" like that one John Mulaney skit.

S. Anyway, I'd like to start us off with a familiar old Erin Hunter classic theme, quoting my notes:  - "Is it even a Warriors novel without multiple birth scenes?" - "Oh excellent another peripheral birth scene, I felt that there wasn’t quite enough in this book so far" S. If I don't have multiple women moaning and/or shrieking and/or groaning from birthing pains in my Warriors novels, I'd be devastated. K. It'd break the immersion.

K. I am very happy to see Deadfoot on the scene though, even though he shows up for like. .5 seconds before he's gone. A very good and lovely baby boy. S. “Tallpaw turned back and tucked his nose under the black tom’s belly. “Hang on!” he warned, flipping the kit onto his shoulders. Tallpaw purred as the young kit dug his tiny claws into his pelt, and carried him over to his littermates.” uhhhh what the fuck K. YUP K. Y U P K. HEY ERIN S. Let me just uhhh toss this child like a sack of potatoes over my cat shoulder real quick. K. Tiny Tim over here S. I lost it. I'm like, you really don't care what cat bodies can do, do you?  K. Erin Hunter: hmmm what if we just pepper in some wack shit. Like, what if it's just. Nonsensical as fuck. Who's gonna tell us we can't? Harper Collins? S. And the answer is: of fucking course not, kitty kung fu time.

K. “You’ve turned mean, Tallpaw,” Reena spat. “ That’s why you’ve got no friends anymore. Whenever a cat comes near you, you bite their head off.” “So?” Tallpaw hissed. “At least I don’t kill them.” “See what I mean?” Reena’s gaze hardened. “Why don’t you talk to me once you’ve finished feeling sorry for yourself?” — God I love Reena, calling it like it is. S. Mood, but also: hate Erin Hunter for doing this to him, over Sandgorse. K. "Flailfoot is trying to reason for a Sandgorse Redemption Arc and I will NOT be having it, you LOSE sir, GOOD DAY," S. Note two from my notes page: "I DON’T CARE ABOUT SANDGORSE" S.  Gets abused by father. Father dies in what is objectively an accident caused by his own defiance and hubris. ??? Goes on a hateful revenge spiral to try and make daddy proud. K.  The worst part is that, unlike Bluestar's which was a fucking awful mess the entire way through, this one gives us just enough to show that the Erins are capable of like. SOMETHING. They can write okay things! They know what they're handing us is bullshit and they do it anyway! It's infuriating. S. From a writing perspective, it's kind of fascinating to see this all happen, because like. What a fucking horrorshow. S. Really feeling in this moment for the people who think Erin Hunter is a good writer. They're getting swindled on Sherlock is Garbage and Here's Why levels. S. Where's the secret good fourth episode, Erin???

K.  “Tallpaw’s wish to learn the skills that led to his father’s death shows true courage.” — HEATHERSTAR WITH THE PREMIUM ROASTS K. Followed by: image: “fuck them [tunnels]” K.  “Shrewpaw!” Dawnstripe glared at the apprentice. “Show some respect to your Clanmate.” Hareflight joined them. “Stop teasing him, Shrewpaw!” “This has gone beyond teasing!” Dawnstripe snapped. “If Shrewpaw were my apprentice, I’d claw his ears.” — HOLY FUCK, GET HIM K. The fact that nobody has noticed Shrewpaw using his claws during training is fucking ridiculous, though. He's done it the whole book, Erin. They would know. They would know. S. Admittedly don't love how everyone's concept of discipline is straight to violence, but we'll overlook that, I guess. K. I understand that like, bullying is something that can go unseen very often, but like. Come on, man. S. Yeah. It's like wearing knuckledusters to a playground fight. Hard to overlook.

S. It's what happens when your characters don't have internal worlds. They're just props standing there until you need them, not people watching and listening to what you're writing right in front of them. S. The problem with Erin Hunter's writing for me is that by this point it's hard to read their female characters generously. S. Most of the time I can go, "okay but if we pretend this woman is real, what rich inner world does she experience?" and try to pick up where lazy writers leave off, but like... Erin Hunter's characters are so vapid. K. It's horrible to read. It's just the worst. S. Not just the female characters, but especially the female characters. And I hate it. K. I'm genuinely surprised that Dawnstripe and Heatherstar haven't been mangled already, but honestly, half of my rage at this book comes from their moments, because it shows that the Erins know exactly what they're doing and how bad this fucking plot is. K. Two major background characters are constantly talking about how things Should Not Be The Way They Are, and it just makes me wanna bang my head on a wall. I know you can see the elephant in the room, Erin. You know this. You know the bad things you're making. S. I genuinely feel that’s why they do it. They make bad plots because it’s easier to make certain characters seem smart or likeable if everyone’s a rude idiot.  S. They’re like, we need these characters to seem smart, so they will be the ones to call out all the bullshit. But they [the writers] don't go, wait, why is the bullshit even happening, it doesn’t make sense, and then write something better in the first place. S. I guess because we read these books on such a meta level so often, it really feels like watching one person play ping-pong against themselves, but one persona needs to look good so the other persona keeps giving themselves wedgies at the table and holding the paddle the wrong way. K. FUCK, THAT'S EXACTLY IT S. Which is... less impressive overall than just watching a nice normal game of ping-pong. K. Erin Hunter, about to self-own: I'm gonna pull what's called a pro-gamer move, S. I just can't get past it. S. I know both players are you, Erin Hunter. I can see you putting on your dunce hat and walking to the other end of the table. S. It makes it really hard to sink into the story. Whenever something stupid happens, I'm brutally yanked out of the narrative, and it's happening constantly at this point, because of the direction they're taking Tallpaw. S. I've tried to like, put that aside and imagine his perspective, but it's so challenging for me to envision an experience where I'm a nice boy on a moor with an idiot backwards dad who bullies me and tries to control my life with emotional manipulation and disregard for authority, and then he dies of the thing everyone was saying was super dangerous and off-limits, and then I lose my mind because I didn't make him proud while he was alive (which he's not anymore, because of tunnelling) so I need to do the thing that killed him (which is tunnelling). S. Tallpaw can't be smart and also have this characterisation for me. It's too incongruent.

fine line analyses

these are thoughts; my thoughts. if you don’t agree please be reasonable and just ignore.

tumblr fucking ate this post so here i am. rewriting it all.

tw: i talk about alcohol, drugs, grief, and death

the album in general uses the extended metaphor of yellow. the colour is mentioned in nearly every song and i’ll explain why or why not later. the yellow is hope, happiness, and all things nice but as all archetypes it has a ‘dark’ side; it means cowardice and/or deceit. it also seems to follow the hero’s journey which is interesting.

side a: love/light vs dark. exposition.

golden begins the album already in sunshine; in happily vibes imo. gold is the ultimate illuminated colour, so to use it is... the next level, especially as the album opener. “take me back to the light / i knew you were way too bright for me” are ideas that come back in lights up. i love the juxtaposition in this song: “hold [the golden (light)], focus, hoping,” and then a couple lines later, “i’m hopeless, broken”; showing that at the same time, he’s hopeful and hopeless. i love that he alludes, in the entire song, that his person is the sun but he never says it outright: “you wait for me in the sky / [your light] browns my skin just right / you’re so golden,” which come back in sunflower. “i know that you’re scared / because hearts get broken / because i’m so open” immediately made me thing of strong. both he and his lover overwhelm each other at times: “you were way too bright for me,” “you’re scared / because i’m so open”; but ultimately this is a song about devotion: “i don’t wanna be alone / loving you’s the antidote.”

watermelon sugar doesn’t have anything outright yellow; however, the entire lyrics are rooted in imagery surrounding summer which inherently involves a sunny, especially when he calls out that it’s “warm,” that there are “berries,” that it’s “the end of June,” so my point stands. this song has already been analysed, i think, so i’m not gonna go too into it; in a nutshell, it’s the sweetest of loves. “tastes like strawberries on a summer evening” calls to we made it’s “remember how it tasted / looking into your eyes,” and the absolutely feral warm image of tasting moments makes me crazy...the tenderness..oh god.. “it sounds just like a song” comes back in many other tracks; in sunflower, “plant new seeds in the melody” -- try to find new beginnings in the music -- and also “want you more than a melody.” harry says this one was “the hardest one to finish” which could suggest ongoing events.

adore you has yellow in “honey” and “lemon” and hidden in “summer skies” and “brown skin.” thematically, this song is the same as watermelon sugar; devotion. “walk in your rainbow paradise” -- a rainbow is renewal, promise; a gateway, the calm after the storm. to be with his lover is to walk in paradise, away from all evil. though their lack of communication plagues them, it can sometimes be how they find their peace: “you don’t have to say you love me / nothing / [that] you’re mine.” “i’d walk through fire for you” reminded me of happily and through the dark. 

lights up, too, has already been discussed at length; “what do you mean? / i’m sorry by the way / i’m never coming back down / can’t you see / i could but it wouldn't stay?” will speak volumes to anyone who’s been closeted, even if nothing extreme. “i’m never coming around / it’d be so sweet / if things just stayed the same” would be the melancholy and fear of watching those you love slip away because of something you can’t change; and, even if it doesn’t, there will always be the little things that change, like how you’re perceived. “all the lights couldn’t put out the dark / running through my heart” is one of my favourite lines; it speaks of the things within himself he’d rather hide, and yet, all the pride he’s told to have does nothing to erase his bitterness towards the feeling -- internalised homophobia/transphobia. however -- “step into the light / so bright sometimes / i’m not ever coming back” -- as overwhelming, as scary, as engulfing as it all may be... it’s much better to be in the light than in the dark; back to golden. the yellow in this song is in the ‘light.’

side b: complete abstinence of yellow. abyss.

cherry presents vibrant red rather than yellow, perhaps to illustrate the glossy jealousy he expresses in this song, and possibly to say he is angry despite sounding defeated. thematically similar to woman. i don’t think this song is dismissible because its aspects all come back: “gallery” is again in sunflower; “don’t call me baby” returns in to be so lonely. “there’s a piece of you in how i dress” reminded me of “painted nails make harry beautiful” :’) also, “your accent” is pretty loud. if anything is to be said about the ending, is that it’s in the “language of love.”

falling is very clearly the death in the hero’s journey; the lowest point from which he could only rebirth. again there are communication issues: “forget what i said / it’s not what i meant”; “we’ve run out of things we can say.” and then there’s rediscovery: “what am i now?” he asks, after having asked the listeners if they know who they are; and his despair seems tied to insecurities -- “what if i’m someone i don’t want around? / what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? / what if you’re someone i just want around?” (notice the flip of pronouns in the last two; switching the blame. harry and louis seem to do that a lot; the blame is passed from one to another in songs. he blames himself in this one, though: “there’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands.”) the biggest insecurity lies in the line: “i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again,” in which harry just wants.. to be needed; to be loved and to be in love. overall he’s asking for redemption, whatever of.

to be so lonely is still sad, but obviously a rise; a rebirth. “don’t blame me for falling / i was just a little boy / don’t blame the drunk caller / i wasn’t ready for it all / you can’t blame me, darling / not even a little bit / i was away / and i’m just an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry” -- the opening verse is just all excuses, all flimsy at best; pushing the blame around. “i was just a little boy” had me screaming; “don’t blame the drunk caller” is distancing himself as far away as possible even though....that’s him, drunk-calling; he said so in falling: “there’s no one to blame but the drink and my wandering hands.” the last one is not even trying; he just straight up says he’s arrogant.. lol. again he’s rooting onto insecurites: “i just hope you see me / in a little better light” asks his lover not to only see him as the stupid little boy who became a needy and arrogant drunk caller; and again he pleads for mercy with rather nonsensical logic: “do you think it’s easy? / being of the jealous kind?” overall, these three songs together could be interpreted as a breakup, though the romantic songs in the album would support better that there have been really rough patches in their relationship; specifically times in which they were caught in untimely scheduling inconveniences amid fights. but see it how you will.

she is a projection. harry tries out the ‘normal guy’ archetype, giving his character a nine-to-five office job and the predictable (supposedly married) life with kids; he likely did this to try out a different perspective of his feelings and/or to appeal to his audience, who is mostly not made up of millionaires. right away, he’s pretending, with the most basic of things: “[he] sends his assistant for coffee in the afternoon / around 13:32 / like he knows what to do.” as for the whole chorus and “a woman who’s just in his head / and she sleeps in his bed / while he plays pretend” is, to me, the woman inside him who aches to be seen; she represent his struggles with binary genders, both of which are oppressing. “he takes a boat out / imagines just sailing away / and not telling his mates / he wouldn't know what to say” is literally eroda?? and shows communication issues. again.

side c: ascending

sunflower makes the yellow comeback.. loud and in your face. the sunflower is commonly associated with the sun tarot card, which often depicts them with children, who are mentioned... the card stands for clarity and success. this song is thematically like watermelon sugar and adore you, but it just has that stoner vibe you know ? “kids in the kitchen listen to dancehall” triggered “even as young as you are.” again, there are communication issues; “i’ve been trying hard not to talk to you” “let me inside, i wanna get to know you / wish i could get to know you” “i was just tongue-tied / i’m still tongue-tied.” “i’ve got your face / hung up high in the gallery” again shows adoration; with cherry’s “does he take you walking through his parents’ gallery?” it could be interpreted as, are his parents showing you off like i do? a big note about it: “hung up high in the gallery / out of this shade” in the light! this is major.

canyon moon shows yellow in “the world’s happy waiting / doors yellow, broken, blue” -- happy, first of all. the doors are portals that they’ve taken, will take, or could take; some are happy, some deceitful, some sad. i find it very interesting that in she “the man drops his kid off at school” and in this one jenny tells her husband to “go get the kids from school.” “two weeks and i’ll be home” loud loud loud. paris and rome are both romantic cities. “[she -- jenny?] pretends not to know the words” again shows some pretending, perhaps to show that we all pretend about things in life, even mundane activites... just a fun song about being away and missing each other like right now.

treat people with kindness is the only song outside of side b that does not have yellow. i think that is because, though this is a happy song, it’s jus a cover up -- he’s burying his grief in the music and drugs/drinks. “and it’s just another day / and if our friends all pass away / it’s okay.” “feeling good in my skin / i just keep on dancing” shows the other effect of numbing all the insecurities and fears he normally carries. 

side d: settling. the first sign fine line is a track to be paid attention to is that it’s the titular the track. the second push is giving it its own side on the record. 

fine line is another side of she, for which i liked this eloquent explanation. it’s a drastic shift in mood from tpwk to fine line; harry truly shows how vulnerable he is. he’s divided -- “you sunshine, you temptress”; god, when i read/heard that i cried. so beautiful, so appeasing, but it looks like such a distant dream. unachievable. furthermore i think making this song about a relationship, or anyone other than harry and harry’s inner demons is belittling it; belittling his internal struggles to reach the so desired fine line...

Moon rocks could help reveal how life evolved on Earth – and may enable us to resurrect extinct species

by Duncan T Odom

Earthrise. NASA

Life is the last thing you would associate with the eternally dark craters of the lunar poles. But these craters could hold the key to explaining how complex, multi-cellular organisms evolved on Earth hundreds of millions of years ago, affording unimaginable insights into our planet’s biological past.

That’s because huge asteroid impacts, such as the one believed to have killed the dinosaurs, happen frequently and launch thousands of tons of the Earth’s material into space – bacteria, worms, and all. Some of this has ended up on the moon and may have survived intact in craters. Sadly, though, if we push ahead with current moon exploration plans, we may end up destroying them.

On Earth, DNA rarely, if ever, survives much longer than a million years. In principle, however, DNA kept at a few degrees above absolute zero and protected from harmful ionising radiation could survive indefinitely.

Life permeates the entire crust of the Earth. As the Deep Carbon Observatory project has shown, even rocks ejected from kilometres underground would carry complex microbial communities and animals like nematodes into space.

Any living matter that reached space after an impact would be freeze-dried immediately, with its DNA preserved. When ejected at around 11 kilometres per second, terrestrial rocks would linger in an appropriate orbit before being captured by the moon. Scientists have calculated that a typical 100 square kilometres of the moon likely contains up to 28,000 kilograms of terrestrial material.

Researchers examining the material returned from the Apollo missions have confirmed predictions that terrestrial, biological molecules are indeed present, albeit faintly. This is the case even for rock samples exposed to brutal and unprotected day and night cycles. These cycles involve two-week periods of constant, unfiltered solar radiation which can destroy biomolecules. Remarkably, new research also shows that Apollo appears to have returned at least one rock that is actually a meteorite from Earth.

The most likely locations to find well-preserved DNA from Earth would be the craters at the lunar poles that maintain eternal darkness. The Shackleton crater at the south pole has existed for over three billion years, a period of time covering the vast majority of Earth’s living history. Shielded from the sun’s intense radiation, it could have captured biological samples from every major asteroid impact in Earth’s history. And its cold, shadowed interior would act like a preservation chamber.

Artist impression of impact. NASA/wikipedia

But simply being kept in the dark does not guarantee the survival of genetic material. Though protected from direct solar radiation, the samples would still be exposed to harmful cosmic radiation from the galaxy which could easily destroy molecules such as DNA. Genetic material sufficiently embedded within or under boulders or lava flows, however, might have a chance of being protected.

Genome sequencing

It would be worth finding out. Any DNA preserved in the lunar poles would be of incalculable value for understanding the true history of Earth’s life. For instance, the Chicxulub impact (thought to have caused the last mass extinction which killed the dinosaurs) was recent enough that any genetic material ejected by it would provide an important snapshot of what species were alive then.

Less likely, we might also identify candidate precursor organisms to current life forms on Earth – helping us to trace evolution. And there may be an exceptionally remote chance that sufficiently protected DNA samples of vertebrates, such as dinosaurs, could provide a blueprint for resurrecting the extinct species (a la Jurassic Park).

In contrast, the Sudbury impact, dating to 1.85 billion years ago, ejected rocks containing DNA of early prokaryotes like bacteria. These preceded the development of eukaryotes, which have more complex cellular structures. Sequencing DNA obtained in craters like Shackleton could therefore provide direct genetic information needed to help understand how complex eukaryotes first evolved hundreds of millions of years ago.

Right now, our understanding of ancestral organisms mostly comes from comparing the DNA sequences of species currently alive. For example, if you want to understand what the common ancestor of humans and other great apes was like, you can compare the genomes of currently living species, and guess the identity of many DNA sequences from our common ancestor 5-10m years ago. When combined with hominid DNA sequences from archaeological sites dating to a few hundred thousand years ago, these approaches have spectacularly contributed to understanding human origins, revealing for instance that hominids interbred frequently.

But ultimately, reconstructions of far more ancient common ancestors must always remain an educated guess if we only rely on DNA evidence from Earth. This is certainly the case if you are asking about common ancestors of plants and animals which likely lived more than 500m years ago. Comparative approaches are also limited in their insights into the functional metabolism of the first photosynthesising prokaryotes alive two billion years ago. With any luck, the lunar poles may hold DNA samples that could answer these profound questions.

Exploration threats

Given the stakes, it is clear that sites containing potential samples must be protected. Worryingly for scientists like me, who would like to analyse such irreplaceable material, current plans for lunar exploration may be a threat to this.

Moon’s south pole. NASA

Many companies and space agencies are looking to create a moon base in the next few years, which would most likely involve mining the craters of the lunar poles for frozen water deposits.

Even valid scientific research that risks contamination, such as the deliberate crashing of spacecraft into these craters, poses a risk. So do planned rovers, which are intended to explore the lunar poles and might contaminate these areas.

For these reasons, current flagship missions to the lunar poles should be undertaken only after humanity has established whether these craters might hold an unexpected – and invaluable – paleogenetic legacy.

About The Author:

Duncan T Odom is Director of Research in Evolution and Cancer at the University of Cambridge

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. 

Suddenly, you awaken, unable to remember whatever jarring dream came before.

At least, that’s what you thought at first, but it quickly becomes obvious that this isn’t exactly reality either. All around you are these coloured beams of light, twisting and moving in these dreamlike ways your brain can’t comprehend, a vast digital network being weaved around you. It’s amazing, leaving you awestruck as the lights spiral and connect, projecting out further than you can imagine, the scale of it all striking a chord in your heart. Vast. Empty. Alone. 

The lights try to recapture your attention, but the emotions begin to creep inside you, make you search for any other signs of life within this world. Distract you from the fact that you’re frozen in place, like a corpse in a coffin. You’re suspended in this vacuum, there’s no air or ground to hold you, like something is keeping you here against your will. The lights and patterns are encircling you but refuse to enter within a 10 foot sphere around you, while you notice that their patterns begin to loop, like a screensaver on repeat. 

No matter what you do, you can’t move, can’t scream...only your eyes can look around, show the dread crawling through you.

Perhaps that was a mistake.

The light show abruptly stops, a deep red background with a green grid taking its place, like a prison. The slightly whirring of background noise you didn’t notice before is now completely gone, and you desperately want it back. 

You are not supposed to be conscious.

You are no longer alone.

Your body is tilted upward so that you’re standing upright instead of flat on your back, but you can’t bring yourself to look. You closed your eyes the second you felt the other presence, desperately trying to calm your breathing. It’s a bad dream, calm down and it’ll end. Wake up. Nobody else is there, if you panic it will notice you-

“Well, I suppose the game is over...though, if this is the way you prefer things to go, I can’t say that I blame you. I can’t believe anyone would be taken in by those lazy attempts at illusions or whatever half-hearted lies they’ve told you...”

A voice you recognise immediately, a quiet ringing beginning to perforate the overwhelming silence of before. His voice was deep, soft, attempting to coax you out of whatever panicked spiral you had fallen into, it’s silk-like touch enveloping your senses. It plastered over the mocking venom laced into his words, letting you feel his presence before you, large and intimidating, but not quite looming over you.

“Come now, there’s nothing to be afraid of here...this may be a shock, but I’m sure you’ll get over it...” His footsteps came closer, the echoes of his words getting stronger as he demanded more of your attention. His pauses were as deliberate as they were natural, as you felt him analyse your face, looking straight into your core to see the effect he was having on you, what tactics you would respond to, as something hidden within the echoes snuck inside your mind during the silence. You still can’t bring yourself to look at him, it makes it all too real to think about, but you’re more relaxed than you realise. Everything has slowed down to a crawl. It’s the last step, something whispers into your thoughts, take initiative and let yourself go. Your thoughts are a whirlwind of confusion, overthinking, fear of the unknown-

“I have all the time in the world if need be. I’m not going anywhere. Accept it.”

The sudden low hiss in your ear was enough to force your eyes wide open, the gentle motion of his hand down your cheek, his other arm locked around your waist enough for you to ignore the threat within his words. 

You would’ve gasped if you could. 

Finally, your gaze is forced upon him as he pulls away, a smile snaking onto his pale lips. The suit is as impeccable as always, his stance powerful, the duo-chrome of his aura swallowing you whole. His hair seems speckled with silver, glistening like a starlit halo around his head. His smile, almost genuine, sharp in the way his teeth lock together, too tight to be natural. His gaze looking down on you, unreadable, something lurking within its depths.

“That’s it, good...isn’t this much better? There’s nothing to fear, nothing at all. I am merely your companion on this little trip of ours. It would be a terrible time if you just stood there with your eyes shut the entire time...I at least hope you’ll try to be better company moving forward.” 

There’s a glint in his eye that makes it feel less like a suggestion and more of a command. The feeling begins to return to your body as you notice the stillness of the river around you, the pitch black night above your head as you push the ore through the water. When had you gotten into a boat? Where am I? 

“At least it’s a clear night. I hope you brought enough to pay your toll.”

He chuckles a bit, looking away into the ripples of water. He’s not rowing, that’s not his job. Instead, he’s watching his reflection in the river, melancholy beginning to cloud his features as he looks on. You try to glance at what he sees, the face that is not his own, heavily distorted and crying out as the ripples-

“Keep rowing.”

You snap back to the task at hand, unable to stop even if you wanted. Thoughts seem to leave you, existence has faded away to just you, him, and the ore in your hand. You don’t know where you’re going, whatever came before this infinite moment. You’re not even tired, despite the fact that you’ve been rowing for...god knows how long.

But you finally stop, in the middle of nowhere, the moon’s judgement harsh above your head.

“Ah, are we finally here? Are you sure this is your destination?” He cracks his neck, turning back to stare at you, a quiet smirk on his face, a secret inside joke.

Your hands let go of the ores involuntarily, letting them sink into the abyss. 

You couldn’t speak, even if you wanted to.

“And I was hoping I wouldn’t get this suit dirty. Oh well.”

Suddenly he grabs you by the scruff of your neck and shoves your face into the water, pushing you down deeper and deeper as you choke, icy water forcing its way into your lungs. Your limbs are thrashing but his grip is strong, his other hand running through your hair softly, a lullaby to send you on your way. Forget about fighting it. Drift into the depths calmly, let go of your anger. Let the light of the moon cradle your soul and leave the world behind. 

You get to move on.

The Girl In The Alley

prompted by @quishaphantom "Maddie finds a little girl down an alley who sets off all their ghost equipment. And she looks just like Danny." Words: 6167 Warning: themes of abuse, mild angst/feels

      It was almost one in the morning.  For Maddie Fenton, it had been a very long night.  She'd watched the moon crawl halfway across the sky in her search for the dead, and she was beginning to think that, perhaps, she wouldn't find any.  It would be a shame, too - she'd even brought her brand-new spirit-smasher with her in the hopes she'd be able to try it out.  Instead, the evening had been a disappointment.       She paused on a street corner, specter-detector in hand, and frowned.  It had been infuriatingly empty all evening, and she was beginning to think that some of the wiring inside was shot and that she'd have to take it home and put it on her list of things to repair.  She couldn't remember the last time she'd come out this late and there hadn't been any ghosts; she knew that she rarely found any before ten, no matter what time the sun went down, but midnight was supposedly the haunting hour - and yet, she thought dryly to herself.  With a sigh, she turned and gave a look back down the block to FentonWorks.  It was getting pretty late.  Maybe she should call it a night and have the specter-detector fixed tomorrow.       A quick flash of movement in the alley across the street made her turn.  Her first thought was ghost! but she scolded herself.  She knew there was a little gray cat that hid around the alleys a block over, and wrote it off in her mind.  If her specter-detector hadn't begun to beep when she crossed the street to get home, she would have thought nothing of it at all.       Maddie turned, casting a glance down at the screeching device in her hand.  A single blip appeared on the screen, and a second later it darted further down into the alley.  Her heart leapt; maybe she would have a chance to try out her spirit-smasher after all.  She kept her eyes on the mouth of the alley, her movements silent, and readied her weapon.  Peering around the corner, she spotted a small shadow duck behind the dumpster on one side.  She smiled to herself.  I saw you, ghost.  She slinked closer, careful not to make a sound, and kept her eyes on the spot behind the dumpster.       The thing that peered out, to Maddie's surprise, was not a ghost.  Two bright eyes stared back at her, and Maddie faltered.  The spirit-smasher was tossed aside; she knelt down, one hand on the side of the dumpster as she peered around the corner.  She was struck by just how small the girl was, hiding under a dark hoodie and baggy shorts, and something in her gut pulled at her.  What's she doing out here?  Is she by herself?  Someone's got to help her.  She spoke in only a whisper: "Hey - don't be scared, now, I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."       The girl said nothing, eyes locked on Maddie.       "What are you doing out here all by yourself?"       "Holding myself together," said the girl, arms wrapped around her knees.  She looked down for a moment, as if concentrating very hard on something, and then met Maddie's eyes again.       Maddie asked her: "Where are your parents?  I'm sure they must be worried sick about you - "       The girl shook her head.  "I don't have any."       "No parents?"       The girl shook her head again.       "What's your name, dear?"       The girl flinched.  After a moment of hesitation, her gaze fell again.  "Danielle."       "Danielle," Maddie echoed, "and don't you have a place to stay?  It's not safe out here at night - "       "I know," was all Danielle said.  She pulled her arms a little tighter around herself, and slipped her knees under the edge of the hoodie.       Maddie's heart broke.  All alone out here, and no parents - the poor dear!  The motherly instincts in her swelled, and she set one careful hand on the girl's shoulder.  "Would you like to come home with me, Danielle?  I can't just leave you out here on the streets - I'll make up the spare room for you - "       Danielle said nothing.  Underneath the hoodie, her hands were shaking; Maddie's voice stung her, even if she was doing her best to help.  It was burned into her memory from the start - analyses and data readings, mostly - and now here she sat, not by a fizzling projection but by a real human that sounded exactly the same, and she wanted to take Danielle home.  She couldn't say yes - somehow, that was too much to even consider - but she found she couldn't tell her no, either.  She was caught somewhere in the middle, and every time Maddie spoke it took her back to the beginning of it all.       Maddie saw her hesitation, and gave her a concerned frown.  "Danielle?"       Danielle stiffened.  "I - okay.  I'll come with you."       "Alright," said Maddie, her mind made up, "My house is that one on the end.  We'll get you set up in the spare room.  You're not hurt, are you?"       Danielle shook her head.       Maddie got back to her feet, and offered Danielle a hand.  She couldn't believe it - and I thought it was going to be a ghost! I probably scared her out of her wits!  She'd made some calls in the morning, after they'd both gotten some sleep, and after the poor kid had been fed.  Something about her reminded Maddie of her own son; perhaps that was why she already felt so strongly.  She swung the front door to FentonWorks open without a sound and led Danielle inside.  The lights were still on but her husband had fallen asleep on the couch, and she didn't bother to wake him before leading the girl through the kitchen and to the spare room at the end of the side hall.  She flicked the light on and pulled the bare mattress down from where it had been leaning against the wall.  "It isn't much, but it's better than being outside on a night like this.  I'll get some blankets from the hall closet - is there anything else you need?"       Danielle sat on the side of the mattress.  It smelled faintly of cardboard and dust - it had probably been kept in storage at some point - and she shook her head.  "No.  That's fine."       "The bathroom's just across the hall.  I'll see if I can't find a change of clothes for you tomorrow.  Did you want me to leave the hall light on?"        Danielle shook her head.  "I'll be alright."       "If you need anything else, let me know, alright?  I'll make you breakfast in the morning, and we can get everything sorted out.  Good night, Danielle," Maddie turned, leaving the door ajar, and let all of her breath out at once.  Poor kid.  In the light, she saw even more of her son in her - the shape of her nose, the deer-in-the-headlights look when she was scared, even the way she fidgeted just so.  If Maddie didn't know better, she almost would have thought they could have been siblings.  That's just silly.  She dismissed the thought with a shake of her head.  Siblings?  I'd remember doing a little trick like that.  She went back out to the living room, where Jack was still asleep; she sat on the end of the sofa next to him.  She was caught up in thinking about Danielle, and almost forgot about the ghost she'd let get away earlier.  She wasn't angry with herself, given the circumstances.  What else was she supposed to do, let the kid sleep with the stray cat in the alley?       Her eyes fell to the specter-detector she'd left on the end table.  It was still blinking, and she was certain that it was a malfunction.  She picked it up anyway, adjusted the dial on the side, and frowned.  That can't be right.  It thinks there's a ghost in the spare room.  I was just in there.  It was only one in the morning; she decided she had the time to take it downstairs and crack it open to see what the problem was.  It would give her something to do other than fuss over Danielle, at least, although she supposed she'd probably be doing that for a while anyway.       The lab at night was somehow more peaceful than during the daylight hours, even though it really should have been impossible to tell.  Maybe it's just because Jack's asleep, she thought with a little smile.  She really did love the man, but sometimes his antics could get a little out-of-hand.  Just last week he'd spilled a half-baked concoction across half the lab; he'd taken care of the mess, of course - he was a bit clumsy, but not inconsiderate - but she could still tell where the floor had begun to warp, and one of the work-tables wasn't quite level anymore.  She supposed, in the grand scheme of things, that it gave the place character.  When they'd built the lab after moving into the house, it had been almost painfully sterile.  It was like the morgue in some hospital somewhere, where everything was cold and even the smallest sound echoed off the too-smooth walls, and it had taken them almost a year to make it bearable.       Those were the days, went her mind as her hands pulled the device in front of her apart.  She remembered how empty the house had been before the kids were born - she'd thought, at one point, that the house was entirely too big for just the two of them.  The only reason they'd gotten it was because it was dirt-cheap for a city house, and she knew that the value had dropped even more when they'd built the Fenton Ops Center over the roof.  Her husband had a great time with that one, even though it was a bit gaudy.  It had just been "the house" for those first few months.  "FentonWorks" had come later.  Jack had gotten his hands on a laser-cutter one day, and had brought it home already very proud of it, and without any explanation of where it had come from or how he'd gotten his hands on it.  He'd cut out the letters and had the sign up within a week.  Everyone will know that's our house now, he'd said with a grin.  Maddie had added the arrow later as a joke, but Jack had been ecstatic.  It suited the house somehow, just as the house suited the two of them.       Maddie frowned.  She'd run a diagnostic and had pulled out the circuitboard of the specter-detector, hoping to find the source of the malfunction; nothing appeared to be wrong with the thing, and she knew that couldn't be right.  "What in the world," she said to herself.  She thought maybe it was just shot, and that she'd have to make another one, but that didn't sit right either.  It had never given her any problems before this; she'd have noticed something was wrong with it long before it quit entirely.  She reluctantly reassembled it and gave it a reboot.  Maybe I'm just too tired for this, she thought, I'll come back to it in the morning.  She set it down as it restarted, still not entirely satisfied.  The screen defaulted back to the shape of the lab, with rough rectangles in place for furniture and such, and from somewhere out of the room the blip appeared.       Maddie turned.  That's where Danielle's sleeping, she remembered, the fretting in her mind rearing back up again.  Maybe she'd check on her, just to make sure she was doing alright, before bed.  She gave the defective machine one last glance and then turned to go back upstairs.  What if there's really not anything wrong with it at all?  She grumbled to herself, decided that it was going to keep her up if she didn't get any sort of resolution at all, and slid into the rolling chair by the desktop computer.  The Ops Center upstairs might have had the biggest and most impressive weapons, but the mainframe was just as easily accessible from here, and she tapped into it.  The entire house was riddled with equipment (well, except for the kids' rooms, anyhow - Jasmine had argued tooth and nail for their privacy when they'd mentioned installing anything up there), and she'd know if any sort of spectral anomaly had made its way inside.       The little red dot on the screen was coming from the spare room, and Maddie's face went blank.  She knew there couldn't be a ghost in there - it would have caused such a ruckus, and it would have been impossible not to spot - and yet the little blip remained.       She remembered the alley, and how she'd assumed at once that something was wrong with her equipment.  It didn't take her long to reassess the situation; it was increasingly obvious that her readings were correct - or, at the very least, consistent - and her mind turned instead to the girl upstairs.  She wondered, cobbling together several hypotheses, if perhaps Danielle was being plagued by some sort of ghastly affliction.  Was there a spirit that was haunting her directly?  Had she been possessed?  Was she hiding a ghost with her?  Had she been exposed to some kind of ectoplasmic radiation, and that was what was setting her equipment off?  She could think of half a dozen tests to run right off the bat, but immediately scolded herself.  Just ask her in the morning.  Maybe she's got an explanation.       The scientist in her wasn't content, but the mother spoke louder.  What are you thinking?  Don't you dare scare the poor thing again!  She's been through enough.  She'd bring it up tomorrow, and see if there was anything that could be done to help her.  She wondered, too, about Danielle's parents.  She'd said she didn't have any - what happened to them?  Were they the ones haunting her?  Just thinking about it made her sick; she couldn't imagine having something like that hanging over the poor girl’s head.       She shut the lights off in the lab, leaving the specter-detector out on the work-table, and shuffled upstairs.  She'd have to have a talk with Jack in the morning about what had happened - she knew he'd understand.  He'd want to help poor Danielle out too.  She paused at the end of the hall, and peeked into the spare room.  Danielle was asleep; reassured, she went upstairs to bed.

      Danielle was not asleep.       The light had clicked off, and Maddie had gone, but the lump of dread in her stomach persisted.  She'd left Amity Park to find a way to stabilize herself, and to escape the wrath of her father; she'd heard about a group of ectobiologists out on the east coast that she'd thought might be able to help her, but she never made it that far.  By herself and with her ghost powers steadily draining away, she hadn't even made it across state lines before she'd been forced to turn back.  That left her at square one, worse off than when she'd left, and she knew she was running out of time.       Her mind turned back to Maddie.  She was certain that was the woman's name, despite the fact that they hadn't met.  To see her walking and breathing was disquieting, in the same way as hearing someone casually mention an  from so long ago that you weren't even sure anymore it had ever taken place at all.  It dredged things up from the haze of memory and brought them into a spotlight of clarity, and you'd find that, perhaps, you had preferred to keep those details obscured in shadow.       She could hear Maddie's footsteps as she descended into the lab.  She was tuned into that sound - she had been for as long as she could remember; some days, when she wasn't allowed out of her father's chamber, she looked forward to them.  He might dote upon her, or bring the cat down and allow the two of them to play for half an hour so he could have some time to himself.  On days like that, he would call her precious or dewdrop.  The first time he'd let her outside to the see the sun, he'd called her dearest angel.  She'd been over the moon, rolling in the grass and flying clumsily over the impeccably-trimmed hedges because she hadn't gotten good at it yet.  She smell of rain the day after that had sent her into a fervor.  Those were the days when she thought she loved him.  She'd forgive anything he'd done, and she'd do any favor that he asked.       She hadn't realized until much later how few of those days there were.  More likely than not, she'd be downstairs.  Every time she closed her eyes, she could still see it: her containment chamber, dark on the inside except for a rectangle of glass that allowed her to see out into the surrounding laboratory.  Her first memories came from the inside of that rectangle, isolated from anything he didn't want her to see or hear, back when she hadn't been given a name or a purpose.  Sometimes, she'd be pulled out and he'd put her to sleep.  When she woke up, she'd always be dizzy, and she'd feel different.  Different wasn't always bad; she'd woken up one day to find that she'd grown her very own legs, instead of the awkward and slimy tail that was there before.  Her father had opened her chamber after that and taught her to walk.  It hadn't taken long.  You're picking this up so quickly! he'd said.  He'd said that about most of her ghost powers, too.  It wasn't until he'd told her about her failed siblings that she found out that it was because he'd made her this way.  Until that point, she'd thought it was because she had tried her best, because she loved him, because she was special.       He'd only tell her she was special when he needed her to do something for him.  It was only for important things, not simple favors, and it was usually on the bad days.  He had a fair number of those; he'd storm downstairs, cape flying behind him, yelling in a frenzy about That Accursed Phantom, and whatever else had been plaguing him.  He'd always be in an uncontrollable rage - uncontrollable, at least until she promised to sneak somewhere and get something for him, or whatever other dangerous task that he'd have for her.  As soon as she said yes, he'd always give a huge sigh.  I knew I could count on you, he'd say.  I was afraid I was going to lose it.  I'd feel simply awful if I hurt you.       I always knew you were special.       For a long time, she'd believed it.  Until the day she'd met Danny, she believed everything Vlad had told her.  She'd taken it all, no matter what - why would he lie to her?  He was her father.  Fathers didn't lie; they didn't fight; if they punished or scolded, it was because she deserved it, she said something wrong, she broke something she wasn't supposed to touch, she hadn't tried hard enough.  The first time she'd seen Danny, he'd been That Accursed Phantom in her mind.  That was what Vlad would always call him.  He'd told her to hate That Accursed Phantom, and she had.        She had, until she'd talked to him, and until Vlad had pushed her too far.  Everything had come undone very quickly after that.  She'd found out that Vlad had been using her, and that he'd intended to discard her afterwards; her learned hatred for Danny vanished; she'd run away from it all after making a wreck of her home.  She'd ventured out but she discovered the hard way that she couldn't do it on her own.  Now here she sat, back in Danny's own house, having been taken in by his mother of all people.       She knew she had to talk to Danny.  That was the only thing keeping her here.  She wasn't sure how much longer she could stay whole if he didn't help her; she couldn't even risk transforming anymore, much less using any of her powers.  Even running too fast in her human form had begun to make her palms and her feet slimy, and she couldn't bear to think of what might happen if she was caught in any sort of fight.  Just wait until Maddie goes to sleep.  Then see if you can find him.      Could she even do that?  She knew how many ghosts came out at night.  Danny had a lot of enemies in Amity Park, he said once.  He'd cautioned her against meeting them.  Certainly, they'd be stronger than her.  Just because you're a ghost doesn't mean all the other ghosts won't come after you.  Dani, please be careful.  She'd been careful so far, hadn't she?  Of course she had - and she was still falling apart.  Falling apart means no ghost powers.  That was what she'd told herself when she'd started to melt even in her human form.  No ghost powers means stay out of trouble.  When the sun comes up, I'll find him.  There won't be any ghosts during the day.       She wondered, though: could she even last that long?  Even as she lay in bed, a small pool of ectoplasm had begun to stain the spare mattress.  It wasn't an issue when she slept, at least not yet, but that had been three days ago.  She had to get sleep sometime.  She was exhausted, and she was tired of being exhausted.  What would Danny say when she saw him?  What would he do?  She realized he'd probably want to bring her home.  His mother, he'd said once, was a ghost hunter.  She had a ghost lab, and she'd know enough to be able to help a ghost as well as hurt one.       That didn't make her feel better at all.  She wasn't going to get any sleep.

      By the time Maddie was awake, Danielle had disappeared.  She hadn't even gotten to tell Jack about it - she'd gone to check on her, and the spare room had been empty.  The nagging little voice in her was scolding, as if she had failed Danielle somehow, and she felt a twinge of guilt.  Was it something I said?  She sighed, and tipped the mattress back up against the wall.  There was a tiny puddle of dried fluid on the corner, and she frowned.  Well, at least it's something, I suppose.  She'd take it down to the lab for testing later.  Whatever was the matter with the girl, Maddie was sure it had something to do with ghosts.  She'd thought about it as she'd been drifting off to sleep the night before, and she'd come to the conclusion that there was at least one spirit, possibly several, that were haunting her directly.       Poor kid.       She turned and fetched a pair of scissors, snipping carefully around the sample of fluid and setting it on the work-table downstairs.  She contemplated about whether or not she really should tell her husband about this at all; he had one of his little pet projects to complete, and she knew they shared the space well even with separate agendas.  Besides, if the sample didn't yield anything interesting - perhaps she'd drop her hunch entirely.  What was she going to do, track the girl down?         Maddie turned back to the sample on the table.  At least half a dozen tests came to her off the top of her head, and in her curiosity she performed them all.  She'd left her notes open on the side of the work-table, and kept a chart of her results as they came in.

      Danny had slept through class again.       The final bell woke him, and only with the help of his invisibility powers did he slink past Lancer without being caught.  He ducked behind one of the vending machines in the hall to reappear (not that it was particularly important, he thought to himself - as far as he was concerned, being careful about this sort of thing had become optional most days), and then darted down the hall to his locker to meet up with Sam and Tucker.       Instead of either of them, he found Danielle.  She sat, propped up against the lockers, with her hands shoved into her pockets.  Her face was paler than he remembered, and she wore the sort of worried frown that told him she wasn't going to give him any good news.       "Danielle?" he asked, reaching through his locker and pulling out his backpack, "What are you doing here?  You don't look so good."       She shook her head.  "I don't feel so good either.  You remember those guys I was going to go see?  The ones that were going to help me?"       Danny's face fell.  "They couldn't, could they?  Man, I'm so sorry - "       "I didn't even get that far," said Danielle, pulling herself up to her feet.  "I had to come back here - I don't know what else I can do!"       "Hey - calm down, we'll figure something out," said Danny, "I can hide you away up in my room for the time being.  I promise I'll find a way to get your strength back up, okay?"       Dani hesitated.  "Well..."       "Well what?" Danny frowned, "Is there something else going on?  Is there someone after you?  Do I need to know about it?"       Inside her pockets, Dani's hands balled in an effort to keep them from melting too much.  She wouldn't meet Danny's eyes.  "I was at your house last night."       "You what?"       Dani flinched.  "Your mom - her name's Maddie, isn't it?"       Danny softened.  "Yeah.  Did you see her?"       "Yeah.  She found me outside, and she said I could stay."       "Are you going to?"       Dani shifted her weight onto one foot.  "I don't know, she's - I don't know if I can do it."       "Is it because of the ghost hunter thing?" Danny asked, "I can give you the pointers if that's what you're worried about - "       "It's not that."       Danny paused.  "What is it?  She didn't say anything mean, did she?"       "Not this time."       "This time?" Danny asked, frowning.  He couldn’t imagine his mother ever having said anything about Danielle at all, mean or not.  Had they even met before?  They hadn’t, as far as he’d been aware. "What do you mean - ?"       "I don't want to talk about it," said Danielle, who had refused to meet his gaze the entire time.  "It's just - I know it's stupid, but when I see her it makes me remember things - things from home, things I don't want to remember, all the stuff Dad did - "       "Danielle.  Listen to me."  Danny put both hands on her shoulders, giving her a serious, unblinking stare.  "I promise he's not going to hurt you.  Even if he finds out you're here - I'd kick his butt halfway across the state before I'd let him touch you."       Danielle nodded without looking up.  "I know."       "Look.  I'm not saying you have to stay at my house if you really don't want to - but you gotta have someplace safe, right?"       "Well, there's that empty building a couple of blocks from - "       "Dani, I'm serious!" Danny exclaimed, "Look at you!  You're one ghost attack away from melting into a puddle and you're sleeping in abandoned buildings at night?  When's the last time you've eaten?"       "Yesterday - I found half a sandwich out by - "       "That's not good enough," said Danny forcefully, "You think you're going to get any better out there?"       "What else am I gonna do?" Dani said quietly, "I can't go back home - no one else can help me."       Danny's heart sank.  He knew she was right; the only place with the equipment to help her was Vlad's creepy basement, and there was no way he'd ever go back there either, if he could help it.  Last time, Vlad had tried to force his transformation for one of those clones - he'd destroyed most of the lab during his escape, but it hadn't been easy.  He'd watched himself melt away into ectoplasm, and thinking about it still made his stomach turn.  That had been one of the other clones - he couldn't let the same thing happen to Danielle.  He'd never forgive himself.       A sudden idea struck him.  It was absurd and he hated it - but the longer he thought about it, the clearer it became that it was the only option.  "Danielle," he said suddenly, "I think there might be a way to keep you together.  I don't think you're going to like it - I know I don't, but - "       "What is it?" Dani asked, "Even if it's dangerous - you have to tell me.  It's not like I've got anything to lose at this point, really."       Danny let all his breath out at once.  "This is going to sound really crazy, and you're going to have to hear me out, but - I gotta tell my mom I'm half-ghost."       "What?" Dani faltered, "Why would you - ?"       "No, listen," Danny insisted, "She's the only one that can help us.  She's got everything in the lab downstairs - if I tell her everything that's going on she'll understand - she'll be able to help us.  I know she'll listen to me, and we'd need my DNA anyway in order to stabilize yours."       "But you've kept it secret - "       "Forget the secret," said Danny, more aggressively than he'd meant to.  He paused for a moment, let some of his tension out, and then continued: "I'd tell everyone in the world I was half-ghost if it would keep you whole.  I can't watch you drain away like this."        Danielle just stood in rigid silence.  She knew it wasn't fair for Danny to have to out himself like that - to the face of a ghost hunter, no less.  He was right, though.  She didn't have much time left.  Despite her best efforts, the tips of her fingers had begun to seep into the pockets of her hoodie, and she was certain she'd liquefy in an instant if she tried to use any of her powers.  She might not even make it to nightfall as it was.  Finally she just nodded.  "Okay."       Danny let all his breath out at once.  "Come on.  We gotta get you home."       She followed him back to the house, keeping her head down as if she'd been in trouble.  She could feel herself slipping away a little at a time; her skin had become slick all over, and her fingers had all but stuck together.  Even when she concentrated, the best she could do was keep herself from leaving slimy footprints on the sidewalk.       Danny pulled the front door open and dropped his backpack by the stairs.  He turned and peered through the kitchen, hoping to find his mother.  He could hear something whirring downstairs; she must already be busy.  "Mom?"       "Down here, hon!" she called back from the basement.  She was humming to herself - she must have been in a good mood.  Great.  Here goes everything.       He led Danielle down the steps, and he paused a few short of the landing.  He knew this wasn't going to be easy.  He'd put it off for so long, and made so many excuses for himself, that part of him had begun to assume he'd never let it on at all.  He steeled himself.  "Mom?"       Maddie turned, pulling the hood of her jumpsuit down.  "Danny, how was school - ?"       "There's something I have to tell you," said Danny all at once.  The anxious twinge in his gut dissolved as soon as he began, and he was glad for it.  "It's really important, and you have to promise you won't freak out because it's about something even more important - "       "Is this about school?" she asked, suddenly suspicious.  "You didn't get detention again - ?"       “No, Mom, listen," Danny insisted, ignoring her question entirely, "I need your help.  You have to trust me on this."       Maddie stiffened.  "Danny, what's this about?"       Danielle peered slowly out from behind him.  If either of her hands had still been intact, she might have given Maddie a nervous wave.  As it was, her heart sank a little further.       "Danielle?" Maddie asked, gaze shifting between her and Danny.  She still had her compilation of analyses on the work-table; the results had been conclusive in that the girl wasn't plagued by ghosts - she was one.  She turned back to Danny.  "What's this about?"       "I'll tell you everything," said Danny, taking a deep breath, "But first, you have to promise to trust me."       Maddie hesitated, but then nodded.  What was she thinking?  What sort of mother would she be if she didn't trust her own son?  "Alright, Danny.  I trust you.  Now what's this about bringing a ghost into the house?"       "You have to help her," said Danny, "She's unstable and falling apart.  I know you can find a way to fix her."       "Well, I - " Maddie faltered.  "Danny, I don't know, it's just that she's a ghost, and - "       Danny's eyes flashed.  "I know!  It doesn't matter!  She's just gonna melt away otherwise!  I can't let that happen!  Not after everything - "       "Everything?"       Danny's gaze fell.  He took a deep breath, let the tension out of his shoulders, and nodded once to himself.  Here goes.       He transformed.  He'd done it a million times, under any circumstances imaginable, and yet somehow this one was the worst.  The pounding heartbeat in his ears quit in an instant; the sudden void was gut-wrenching, and the deepened silence was almost too much.  He knew that he'd been wrong.  His mother wouldn't help them.  It was too late to take any of it back.  That and a thousand other things clamored in his head at once, but it was too late.  The secret was out.       Maddie was in shock.  Her mind ground to a halt, and one hand slowly came up over her mouth.  "My god...Danny, you're - "       "I can tell you everything," said Danny, meeting his mother's eyes at last, "But first, you have to save Danielle.  She doesn't have much time left."       Maddie was silent.  Her own son - a ghost?  Not just any ghost, she realized a minute later when her mind began to process again, he'd been the rogue hero Phantom the entire time?  She was suddenly acutely aware of everything she'd ever said about him - to his face, no less - and she knew she had failed him.  "Danny, I..."       "I know.  I should have told you about this a long time ago," said Danny, "I promised you I'd tell you everything, remember?  I meant it.  Dani and I both will."       Maddie's gaze fell to Danielle, who had gone almost deathly white.  "Is she - ?"       "Like me.  Mostly," said Danny, "She's got a lot of the same DNA as me.  Thing is, she was never completely stable, and the more energy she uses the more she falls apart.  There's got to be something you can do.  You're the expert."       Maddie forced her focus onto Danielle instead.  "Well, I think there might be a way.  If she's got the same genetics as you do - " (which would explain why I saw so much of him in her) " - in theory, I could borrow some of yours and get a stabilizer ready - "       Danny nodded.  "Do it.  Whatever it takes."

      An extra chair had been pulled from the hall closet so they could all sit at the kitchen table: Maddie, Jack, Jasmine, Danny, and Danielle.  The discussion began with Danny explaining about most of his ghost powers, and some of the escapades he'd had.  He and Danielle ratted Vlad out, and Maddie adopted her on the spot.  Jack was upset, which was to be expected, but he swore that he'd have Danny's back from then on out, no matter what happened.  Danny showed them the folder of notes on the various ghosts he'd encountered, and the map he'd drawn up of the Ghost Zone.  Maddie kept an increasingly extensive list of modifications to be made to the lab downstairs and a lot of the equipment in it, as well as a handful of other tools that would be for Danny and Danielle.  They'd go out together from then on, of course, and Maddie would excuse as many late notices from school as she needed to.  She and Jack would patrol on the weekends - even a ghost needs a day off, Jack said with a laugh.  Even Jasmine would start spending more time in the lab.  Fighting ghosts wasn't as much up her alley as designing and building tools and weapons, but she had a few ideas of her own that she'd like to see put to use. The discussion took almost all night, and ended up over ice cream.  Danielle was given the spare room, and of course they'd help her paint it and decorate it.

She was family now, after all.

Manifestation

(feat. @yunkinko​​) (theme 1) (theme 2)

From darkness, a line of bright yet sickly light pierced through. This gap widened, as the intense groan of metal followed; an attempt to resist giving away secrets long plunged in shadow.

Finally, however, the gates were thrown wide.

Kharaa stood at the threshold, relaxing her stance upon having pried the doors open until the conceded to her forceful entry. She narrowed her gaze as she attentively peered in; a ramped corridor, descending into a veil that light’s reach quickly tapered off, again to near-pitch black.

“That clinches it. Let us proceed.”

“Oh, well done!” Ai responded, as she came around to flank her friend. “But, um, Miss One— Sorry, uh, Kharaa, I guess— Are you sure about this?”

“Positive. I was bade to return to this place, and since we arrived it has been as if a beacon has been guiding me, beckoning me home. This is it, I am certain.” Kharaa glanced back at Ai. “Ready?”

“Ah, I— yeah…” The girl nodded back, rubbing her hands together. It was then that she thought to reach into her bag and pulled out her magitek bit, giving it a soft toss upward to let it take flight. 

In truth, she was more concerned about the fact that they were in the Gamma Quadrant. While this made sense, given its importance in Azys Lla for developing machina, it was nonetheless crawling with Imperial troops. None would take kindly to intruders. Still, Vision One was made— born for these kinds of endeavors, she knew, even while having her in tow. If One had no concerns about the Empire, then she would do her best set aside her own.

“Just stay with me, and permit me to lead. There may yet be hidden security protocols in this facility.” Kharaa followed up, and Ai tried to focus, chakrams ready in reply. With that, the two disappeared into the abyssal hall.

The pair and bit did not walk for long before finding a conspicuous sort of platform in the last dim light. Kharaa stepped forth and knelt to examine it.

“Well, what is it?” Ai inquired.

“An elevator,” The Xaela replied, rising back to her feet. “However it seems it no longer functions… “There appears to be an alternative route. Let’s head that way.” She turned to another threshold - more descending hallway, and they proceeded. Shortly, the last vestiges of ambient light were snuffed out.

“I can’t see for the life of me down here… um, must be great for you, though!” Ai scoffed toward Kharaa, whose striking yellow eyes were unmistakable. She could also make out a certain whirring of mechanisms opposite her…

“Hey, Bit! Lights, please!” Ai reached out unceremoniously tapped her fist against the magitek bit, sending its flight path swerving for a brief moment. Still, in compliance, seconds later did it project a cone of light ahead of them, granting Ai the sight she yearned for.

All sides of the twisting, descending hallway was in that signature Allagan fashion: intricate trails and ridges of copper with interspersed neon, only with no fluorescent glow proceeding them. Being otherwise plunged in silent darkness, it made the path seem all the more claustrophobic and foreboding. There was no telling to its end, it seemed.

Still, to their benefit, they had yet to meet with any lurking threats.

“I sense a change in the air,” Kharaa finally spoke up. “I do surmise the end is near.”

“Um, could you word that a little nicer, Miss Kharaa?” Ai chuckled nervously, only to be stopped and startled by bumping into her bit - hovering in position. Quickly, she took stock of her surroundings; the corridor had opened up to a much larger room. 

Ai’s gaze followed the bit as it scanned its light abroad: an array of computers, empty containment vessels and other cryptic machinery filled the room. All seemed to be long untouched, and Ai couldn’t begin to parse what it all did. Her hands hovered beside her chakrams…

“Hm…” Kharaa began to step forward, in slow measured steps. It was then that Ai noticed … a change. The further her friend went, more light seemed to pulse out from those steps, running throughout the room along geometric trails. They almost seemed like echoes made manifest, or the very room was reacting to her approach. As the light grew brighter, a hum followed. And then a flicker.

“U-uh, Miss Kharaa…??” Ai started stepping back until the room came alive. The apparent facility and all of its machines brimmed with neon blues and greens, instilling a sense of awe in both parties.

“Whoa…”

“This really is it, Ai,” Kharaa looked back. “This is where ‘Epitaph’ began.”

“‘Epitaph’...?” Ai mulled that over. “Um, right. That was your weapon. That node?”

“//Epitaph is more than a simple node, child of Allag.” An electronic voice rung out in reply, startling the girl.

“Eep! Um… hello? ‘Child of—’ Well… I guess I am a clone... but what does that make you?”

“Maxie,” Kharaa realized. “That is your voice, am I correct?”

Between the pair, a conspicuous sphere the size of their heads promptly formed and took shape, hovering fulms above the floor.

“//Affirmative,” MX-I responded. “//It has been a while, approximately thirteen moons, not counting for lack of calibration. “//...It is good to be at your side once again.”

Ai looked pleasantly surprised. “Oh! It’s your other node friend! Did she not get crushed too?”

“//At approximately 1900 yalms below ground surface level, yes my original shell was destroyed. However, my software has long been backed up in this facility, allowing me to retain and restore my existence. The same factors applied to Epitaph systems, courtesy of developer C. Veld.”

As Maxie spoke, numerous projected screens filled the air around them, displaying curious imagery and swathes of text in an ancient script..

“Um, this is all… a lot,” Ai rested her hands on her hips. “What is this Epitaph? It saved, er, Miss One too, right?” Kharaa quietly observed.

The ancillary node hovered around them while screens changed and more piled up. “//While significant quantities of data remain corrupt or missing as a result of the Fourth Umbral Calamity, such is certain; Epitaph was an attempt of Allag to create a node-based global network with superior intelligence, based on the highest understanding of technology and aetherochemistry — not unlike the basis for Vision One. The name ‘Epitaph’ would suggest that its creators perhaps foresaw Allag’s ruin in some way or another, and as time would show you, mankind pushes its limits when they believe they are at the brink.

“//It is a system of data that has only been layered on over time, made to evolve, thriving as a vast cloud of information, retaining as much of Allag’s legacy as possible, albeit limited by the ruined state of its infrastructure. Because Vision One has long been synchronized with the Epitaph’s intelligence, their own data — their soul — was also preserved and floated upon the network by which we have a hold; albeit there was nominal control over where or when Vision One would ultimately arrive.”

“Wow... Amazing! That makes sense!” It did, in sooth, not make sense to Ai.

“//Regardless, it was through such coordinated means that One could be reintroduced to a physical form… However, it was always imperative that you find your way here, not only to retrieve a restored processing unit, but to properly reintegrate yourself with our updated drivers. At this point, all that it requires is that you make contact with this node.”

Promptly, a nearby platform seemed to generate a silver sphere, comparable to a giant ball of mercury; not quite solid, not quite holding shape. As it hovered, it took form like another Allagan node.

Kharaa turned to the sphere and stared with a measure of hesitance, before she began to approach it. Ere she had a chance to get too close, however, Maxie chimed in again:

“//It is advised, however, that you momentarily discard any personal effects of organic or chimerical nature before you proceed, as potentially irreparable damage may occur in the process. Epitaph holds no liability for such expenses.”

Kharaa paused, then shrugged gently before beginning to undo her tabard and sashes.

Ai snapped herself out of her moment’s lapse in focus to find the Au Ra nonchalantly pulling off her top-- 

“Aaii!! Miss O— K-Kharaa?!”

--prompting the young woman to flinch and shield her eyes.

“Hm? Is there a problem?” Kharaa looked back to her flustered friend.

“N-no! No! I’ll just - um - look over here for a bit!” Ai hastily turned away and tried to avert her attention toward anything else; in this case, the number of projected displays at present. Her bit joined her at her side. “Mph..!”

Ai’s eyes darted from screen to screen, trying to make sense of all the various analyses and diagnostics checks. Most of it escaped her, especially since it was all in Ancient Allagan, so she tried to affix on any images that drew her attention. One of them did.

“What’s this…?” The display seemed to shift at intervals to convey a variety of individuals, or perhaps one type of individual with different variants — among them Ai could swear to make out those with semblances to One, both past and present. These were accompanied by streams of code - different from the other Allagan letters but still quite incomprehensible.

Maxie floated over at Ai’s curiosity to single out the display. “//Inquiry acknowledged. Subject reads as project code: SERAPH. A cursory scan of supplementary data infers a possible continuation of the clockwork replicant project that fostered ‘Vision One’. This data, however, is incomplete and offers no indication of having progressed. Probability is reasonably high that no further units would see functionality up to or after the Fourth Umbral Era.”

“Hm…” Ai looked pensive. “That’s so sad... It’d be nice if Miss One had a little family in the realm.”

Kharaa heard this, giving a soft smile at the sentiment. By that point, she had taken off the last of her attire and was ready to go forward. 

She sauntered forth, stepping carefully onto the platform and standing before the amorphous sphere. She could only gaze upon it, weighing her own thoughts in doing so.

“Just one thing,” Kharaa said. “I have felt as if the more I know, the less I have been able to grasp in my continued existence. What am I supposed to make of this, exactly?”

“//...You have the right to be here,” Maxie responded, seemingly taking a softer, slightly less formal tone. “What you make of it falls upon you; It is up to every inheritor of Allag’s legacy to decide their place in this world, and what they have to give to it. Nothing else can answer that, not even Epitaph.”

Kharaa furrowed her brow, contemplating for a soft moment. “...You seem different, Maxie.”

“//I could apply the same sentiment to you, Kharaa. Not to mention, I adapted from you.”

The Xaela grinned, point taken. With a small sigh, she reached out and placed her hands on the sphere. To the touch, the malleable metal seemed to harden and then take on a glow.

“//Initializing. Calibration in process.”

Numerous beams of light and esoteric panels of steel accumulated around Kharaa before culminating to gather around a single bright pillar.. 

“Oh!!” Ai turned back around, taken aback by the sudden illumination. “M-Miss One?”

“//Validating…”

“//Confirming…”

“//Complete.”

The surrounding steel withdrew and the light dispersed, particle by particle, as One stood - eyes opening bright before fading into standard, limbal rings assuming their place. For appearances, One generally remained unchanged as an Au Ra, although in this interim state her body’s panel and joint lines were made visible, bringing awe to Ai. Notable also was that her hair appeared to have withdrawn in length.

“//All systems green. Nominal deviation detected.”

“//Systems check and synchronization complete. Please stand by.”

The android flexed the joints in her hand and looked up. She turned to Ai, somewhat alarmed by how her friend’s gaze looked; piercing eyes almost a life of their own were made even more poignant in contrast to black sclerae. But an assuring smile gave her ease and cause to smile back.

“//Now preparing and initializing supplementary loadout sequence.”

One raised a brow, then looked back down, examining herself as matter seemed to manifest out of nowhere around bare skin, atom by atom, trailing static in their wake. It all felt rather light, actually, like the materializing suit was an extension of herself. A mask on her face was last to form.

“Whoa…” Ai mused. “Um, is this still even Allagan?” She noted that it seemed unlike anything she had seen prior, be it from the Allagans or the Garleans. 

“//Your new tactical and special operations rig, a late period design,” Maxie clarified. “You will find that it utilizes a blend of cutting edge nano-tech innovation similar to those in the Vision and Epitaph projects to shift and adapt to your current style protocol. Field testing is highly recommended; feel free to access the database for further information.”

Lastly, a pair of bizarre yet familiar blades appeared in One’s hand.

“//Finally, your renewed core equipment in their ferrofluid-based potential. It will change in shape as necessary, and further battle data has been pre-installed for your usage. Continued combat testing is recommended.”

The node spun in almost an excited manner around the android. “//Orientation briefing complete. Welcome back, Master. Awaiting further query.”

One put her blades away and stepped off the platform. Her full-face visor withdrew as well, seemingly into the suit. Ai approached, gathering her partner’s clothes in the process.

“Um, what now, then?”

One smiled. “...For now let’s leave, and we’ll figure it out from there. One step at a time.” 

A series of thuds ensued as if in response, like more machinery firing back up.

“//Central lift is now fully operational. Warning: multiple signatures detected near surface level. Preliminary analysis suggests magitek units of the VIth Legion.”

One crossed her arms and smirked.

“Well, there’s the first step.”

what sign placements need to work on

🌙 MOON SIGNS:- 🌙

Aries moon: You need to stop rushing into things because you feel like it. You’ve likely been told this a million times but you’re not completely convinced anything’s worth being patient for. As an Aries moon, you have a deep need to get things done, move on with life, as fast as possible, it’s always “on to the next one” … losing an opportunity because you didn’t act on your impulse fast enough would be a nightmare to you. When Mars’ ruling sign is in the moon, impulse is a key word especially when it comes to emotions. You need to learn that feeling strongly about something does NOT always mean you have to act on it. You choose to ignore that sometimes it is possible to act too early for example, coming on too strong with potential partners and scaring them off, or expecting someone to get over upsetting events quicker than they can and dismissing them when they can’t. Use your head for once. You need to be aware that what you feel and what you do, don’t always have to be aligned. It may be better not to start something rashly that would be a waste of productive time so… do learn to weigh the pros and cons (something your sister sign Libra excels at). Normally what happens is you start something on an impulse but you grow bored of it quickly and divert your attention elsewhere. You excel at initiation, but you lack endurance and perseverance. This emotional need for excitement and new projects can hold you back in your life, especially in most careers where skill like patience and perseverance are highly sought after or required. Also, just because you move on from things quickly doesn’t mean everyone else does. Learn to be respectful of others’ pacing and approaches even if it doesn’t feel “right” to you - not everything is about you and you are not the world authority on the right way to feel no matter how much it feels like you are, ESPECIALLY when you’re so painfully oblivious to any depth or causes behind your emotions.

Taurus moon: You need to learn to get your mind out of the gutter. If you don’t, you will never grow emotionally. With a fixed earth moon, you genuinely believe holding on to things is the ‘right’ approach, even if these things are currently of no use or value, out of fear that you’ll need them later. This applies to both possessions and principles. You’re so stubborn with your beliefs and you’re well aware of this… The reason most of you choose to do nothing about this is because you’d rather stick to what you know and be wrong than to risk adopting a new belief or approach that proves to be ineffective and a waste of your time. This leads to stagnancy and a feeling of being stuck… And you know why! STOP letting your deep seated fear of change and ‘losing’ valuable things/people hold you back from taking risks and leaps out of your comfort zone. STOP letting your emotional need to be absolutely sure of details/pros and cons hold you back from iniating or making a move in relationships or careers. Time isn’t forever, you know this better than most. What you need to do with all this fixedness is ACTIVELY challenge your schemas and thoughts. Learn to prioritise rationality over comfort and it will become gradually easier to step out of your comfort zone. Unlike Aries, you excel at persevering but lack initiative. Wouldn’t it be better to start something without being completely sure of all the details and pros and cons and slowly become more certain over time than to lose an opportunity because you were too busy meticulously assessing if it was worth the time and effort? And if you end up at a disadvantage then at least you know for certain whether it is worth your time or not. Let. Things. Go. Your way is NOT always the ‘right’ way of approaching things just because it feels comfortable or practical to you. You need to learn to be more tolerant of others’ approaches to things. You’d think you’d have learned that by now with all your apparent love for peace…

Gemini moon: You need to find stability in every aspect of life, especially emotionally. All that chaotic Mercury energy might seem fun and great at first, but gemini moon natives can find themselves feeling lost, confused and annoyed with their scattered mind. It is therefore extremely important to find some grounding influence if you want to achieve personal growth and, for this particular moon, a way to calm the restless mercurial energy or risk imploding in on yourself with your propensity to rationalise and analyse your emotions instead of simply feeling them. One way you can express this is through communicating/teaching others or stimulating your nearly insatiable intellectual abilities through being the student and learning new things. Your strength lies in your resourcefulness and ability to bounce back from most difficult situations. This changeable nature also means your moods are like the wind.. fleeting and unpredictable, the Gemini moon combines the mutable signs’ adaptability and the air signs’ abstracted and detached logic. You need to learn to develop empathy for others or at least be supportive of their emotions rather than dismissive. You need to stop avoiding working through your emotions and get over with the painful process sooner rather than later. Being ruled by the planet of communication is no excuse for being insensitive to the emotional needs of others and/or your own. Most importantly, you need to find a core. Stick to your plans, see what happens.

Cancer moon: Stop giving into your emotions. While you do feel emotions more strongly than most, you let them control you too much and they guide all of your actions. In order for this moon to reach true self-actualisation you must develop objectivity. You have to develop your rational skills and actively attempt to distance yourself emotionally from situations; this will be extremely difficult but it is vital for your growth and it will help you feel more in control of your emotions. Moreover, you need to stop being so stuck in the past - your sentimentality means your past or childhood memories had profound effects on you that you tenaciously cling to, but you must let go and live in the present, look towards the future. The possibility are endless which is why looking to the past to guide the present and future is so detrimental and counterproductive. Learn that clinging onto things that are already slipping away wont keep them in place, it will only elongate the healing period. You know this. You have a tendency to wallow in self pity though… Stop being self-involved and divert your enormous emotional capacity to others, that’s when you are at your best. You also need to learn to take risks in relationships and become less guarded - not everyone will hurt you.

Leo moon: You need to stop being so dependent on attention or praise from others to feel emotionally secure. Moreover, having an enormous emotional need to be recognised is not an excuse to demand attention from everyone you love. Stop assuming you are everyone’s top priority cause really you’ll just end up hurting yourself with this assumption. It’s childish and arrogant to expect everyone to pay undivided attention to you all the time and you know this and yet… You still continue to do it? Just because others give you a free pass to be as demanding and bossy and self-absorbed as you wish to be doesn’t mean it’s ok for you to grow complicit with this, no matter how much you want to be. Your optimism is contagious and your will so strong it’s infectious, thus therein lies the problem: pride. You are always under the deluded assumption that you are right and everyone else’s opinions are inferior, wrong or irrelevant but you must work on being more open to criticism and correction from others, otherwise you’ll drive people away with your prideful insistence and stubborn refusal to admit you are wrong. You must also work on adopting more reasonable expectations of the people you love as you often demand a lot.

Virgo moon: You need to adopt a more forgiving, positive lens for the faults you find in others and yourself. While your high standards and nitpicky nature allow you to achieve great accomplishment and have competent capabilities, they can ultimately be your downfall. Stop being so critical of yourself and others out of a mistaken assumption that it’s helpful and necessary. Sometimes focusing on your strengths and positive traits is what’s needed in a situation. Your perfectionist and obsessive tendencies can make you go over the same thing several times which actually conflicts with the productiveness and efficiency you so desperately need in order to feel emotionally secure. In order to achieve self growth, you must accept that you cannot achieve perfection or you’ll spend your entire life chasing it. The best thing you can do is give things your best. Tell yourself there was nothing more you could’ve done, which is normally true. Burn out your restless mercurial energy through analysis or other forms of detailed communication, but do not rely on this. To reach full potential you must be able to remain calm in moments of chaos which you despise. Skip or change routines.

Libra moon: You need to stop depending on others’ companionship to develop your own personality and/or feel emotionally secure. In order to self-actualise you must learn to be comfortable and confident on your own. Realise your own worth by going out alone, eating alone, staying in alone etc until you’re comfortable with being left alone. Stop letting others decide things for you. You need to develop your decisiveness and not let people take advantage of your easygoing personality. While you do require equality in a relationship, you can be a bit of a pushover with others in fear of being left alone if you assert yourself. That’s not healthy. Work on standing up for yourself and making your own decisions - ignore your superficial desires to have companionship and realise that this is vital to your personal growth. Also there is a tendency to be somewhat detached and rational with emotions, so you need to make a conscious effort to be more empathetic to others’ emotions.

Scorpio moon: You MUST stop trying to control everything and everyone. Manipulating others and controlling them will not ensure their loyalty to you. What sense does it make to control what can’t be controlled? And yet you never stop trying. Closing yourself off from people to avoid betrayal is unproductive and unwise. You may be eliminating any chances of betrayal, but you’re also effectively denying yourself any meaningful relationships and emotional intimacy with others - an integral need of the Scorpio moon. You need to put more trust and faith in people. Not everyone is out to get you. Isolating yourself does not make you invincible, it will only make you miserable.

Sagittarius moon: You need to let yourself form meaningful relationships with people without getting flighty. Your biggest issue is emotional commitment. Even all the traveling in the world won’t necessarily make you feel whole, as enlightened as you pretend to be. You want constant excitement and stimulation but you need to learn to make do with what you have and enjoy the simple things in life… The world won’t be accommodating to your need for variety and change, so you feel smothered by routines and any stagnancy. You need to learn that committing to things is not a punishment, but actually reap many benefits - especially with Jupiter watching over you. You also must learn to develop a sense of empathy and respect towards others’ emotions as your bluntness comes off as insensitive and irreverent (and it is). Not everyone moves on as quickly as you.

Capricorn moon: You have an innate sense of self-control and resilience which are both your greatest strength and weaknesses. Your need to have things in order and in control hinders your potential to grow, explore and learn because you’re so terrified of making mistakes in the first place. You think sticking to what you know/the comfort zone will stop you from making mistakes because it’s already ‘tried and tested’. However, you must experiment and develop some versatility to truly learn. Making no errors doesn’t teach you anything. With the moon in detriment, you are uncomfortable openly expressing emotions and affection and prefer to keep it under wraps. The main challenge with Capricorn moon is to overcome the saturnian ‘block’ and express their feelings and emotional needs without shame. Capricorn moon is terrified of emotional intimacy however and preoccupies themselves with work and career. There is a deep need to be productive and useful which they often focus on fulfilling when their need for firm yet gentle guidance/love is unfulfilled. You must learn to open up to those who care about you and thrive on a little disorder to achieve self-actualisation. Learn to enjoy rewards without feeling guilty.

Aquarius moon: You need to stop searching for your identity through global causes. You disguise your detached insensitivity behind a faux-altruistic worldly veneer, as a transparent attempt to hide the fact that you don’t really know yourself. You stubbornly refuse to interact with your emotions outside of analysing them and you must learn to acknowledge them sooner or later! It’s just over quicker when you make the right decision and address this weakness early on. What happens often is Aquarius Moons often neglect figuring out who they are deep down and instead preoccupy themselves with global issues that they find more “noble” and “important”. However there is no way of achieving personal growth without knowing yourself on an inner level. Don’t be complicit in this cycle of obliviousness.. you’d think you’d have learned to break this routine by now when your moon is ruled by Uranus.

Pisces moon: You need to learn to stop yourself from getting lost and drifting off in foggy daydreams. When Neptune meets the moon, the imagination is rich and vibrant. There is a tendency to maladaptive daydreaming and escapist tendencies which can turn dangerous if this leads to addiction/substance abuse. Work on being more in touch with reality and the menial world. It’ll keep you in check. Face your emotions and fears head on, stop running away! Avoid your flight tendencies and stick to a plan, make lists, all sorts of menial tasks that engage you with the “real world”. Do anything to keep yourself from losing your grip and giving into unhealthy temptations.

🌐 MERCURY SIGNS:- 🌐

Aries mercury: Learn to just… pause for a second and read in between the lines. Actually think about things… The surface level won’t always be honest to you. Learn to rationalise thoughts and weigh the pros and cons.

Taurus mercury: Learn how to open your damn mind. It’s a cliche phrase only because few actually invest mental energy in developing tolerance to other viewpoints and very few actively challenge their fixed schemas. Regardless, that is what you need to do to achieve a ‘growth mindset’. You want practical advice? Actually listen to what others are saying, not what you can prove wrong. Prioritise logic and rationality over your comfort in sticking to mental routines. It will be uncomfortable but it’s vital for your growth.

Gemini mercury: Learn to look at the details. Stop skimming over everything, that will inevitably bite you in the ass if you keep looking for the ‘gist’ of things. Also learn to develop mental endurance. You excel at absorbing a variety of information and mental versatility but you get distracted too easily. Some things are worth paying attention more than 2 seconds for… Every time you catch yourself diverting your attention, be proactive. Force yourself to go back and see if you missed anything worthy/important.

Cancer mercury: Stooooop linking every mental stimulus to your past and stop confusing your sentimental insistence on using the same emotion-based approach for practicality. You might have a rich imagination and great memory, but you need to learn to be more rational. Try to memorise things in different ways. Pay more attention to reality and the present.

Leo mercury: Ok 1) stop yelling and 2) stop blowing everything out of proportion. Constantly exaggerating details will eventually get in the way of your not-so-subtle goal to be credible/recognised and respected.

Virgo mercury: You need to learn to look at the big picture. Nitpicking over tiny and often irrelevant details may have bode well in high school but it can cause you to miss the point or answer that is in plain sight. Perfectionist tendencies make you go over things a million times paying utmost attention to all the little things and… this reductionist and obsessive way of thinking ironically gets in the way of the efficiency you claim to prioritise.

Libra mercury: You need to learn to be more decisive, and more importantly learn that extremes are not necessarily inferior. If you act as a mediator in an argument, actually try and reach a practical solution and/or conclusion instead of just endlessly weighing abstract pros and cons. Learn to think on your feet. Some decisions are better made with less deliberation. Prioritise productiveness over logical assessment. As for indecisiveness, if you’re stuck between two decisions flip a coin or use an online decision maker for more than two decisions and in the moment it takes to generate a choice, you’ll know what decision YOU want to make as you’ll find yourself secretly wishing for it. If you genuinely are unsure, go with the decision the generator made. This will help you become more confident in making decisions.

Scorpio mercury: You need to learn to accept that sometimes there’s no depth to things. Learn when to stop probing and go … probe somewhere else instead of wasting your time. Some people really are that shallow. Some jokes really are that inexplicably bad. Some information really is that cryptic and you can’t figure it out simply because you don’t know all the information. Stop over thinking every single thing. Some things are a lot simpler than you think they are. Save your time. Distract yourself with something intense or complicated enough to override your overly analytical​ mind.

Sagittarius mercury: Stop preaching oh my god.. giving a generic ass answer to faux-deep questions does not make you a philosopher. Learn to look at the details. Also stop being oblivious to how blunt you are, it can be detrimental to your growth. Learn to exercise self awareness in the way you communicate.

Capricorn mercury: You need to learn to pay attention to what you can’t see. Like the other earth mercuries and Aries, what you see is what you believe. Only looking at things at face value holds you back from mental self-actualisation, along with that God complex. You think ignoring whatever’s between the lines in favour of logic is practical and yet ironically insist your line of thinking is right to the point of bias. Focus less on what’s ‘efficient and productive’ and more on detached logic as well as paying attention to the unobservable.

Aquarius mercury: Stop thinking you have all the answers holy fucking God complex… You claim to be tolerant and open minded but go off at or shun anyone who doesn’t share your opinions, even when evidence is presented. Work on being less rigid with your opinions and accept that others might know more than you/be more ~globally aware~ than you.

Pisces mercury: Learn to like…. be present. Stop daydreaming your life away. Stop giving in to your indulgent fantasies. It’s not productive, but that’s foreign language to you anyway. Basically actively remind yourself to pay attention to the real world, and in detail. Set external reminders. Do you really wanna look back on your life realising you wasted most of it daydreaming? You’re a deep thinker in a way the other signs aren’t, but on the downside there’s a reason Mercury is in detriment when it’s in Pisces. Your path to mental actualisation may be more difficult for you than others, but that’s why it’s so VITAL that you start now if you haven’t already. A developed Pisces Mercury has all the answers to the questions no one knows. Don’t let yourself slip away. Even if it’s tempting.

♀ VENUS SIGNS:- ♀

Aries venus: You know relationships can like… have a few moments of quiet right? Like it’s possible to have a fun and exciting relationship without going to a different rollercoaster or nearly dying every day. You need to learn to pause every now and then and actually think about what your partner would enjoy, because half the time you just seem like a chaotic bumbling mess incapable of just chilling for a while. Learn to COMPROMISE in relationships like your sister sign Libra. Venus is in detriment in Aries so it’s hard for sentimentality or romance to be expressed. The relationship doesn’t have to be fun 24/7 or about doing things. If it is then the relationship isn’t about being in love with the person let’s be real it’s just about doing things you feel like doing, just with a companion. Learn that it’s ok to just stay in sometimes. It doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is stagnating or the spark is dying or that you’re ‘settling’ - you may simply be growing through the relationship by feeling secure enough in the union to do stuff you wouldn’t normally do. Also liking someone doesn’t mean you have to immediately jump into a relationship, try extending the chase for a while and you might be pleasantly surprised how fun that stage is. Outside of the area of relationships, you can be impulsive with regards to finances and you indulge in immediate gratification. Learn to CONSERVE, hold back and appreciate the beauty in things. And the next time you try to show a friend or someone you care about an appreciative gesture, consider lending them an ear without judgement instead of suggesting a fun night out for faux-selfless reasons..

Taurus venus: You need to learn to be more spontaneous in relationships. You are very loyal and stable and therein lies your weakness. Learn to take risks in relationships whether you’re attempting to start one or in a deeply committed one. Stop using the fact that you’re ‘settled down’ as an excuse to be lazy and complicit. You can have fun outside your comfort zone… You just take a while to assess whether a relationship is worth investing in or not. Keep in mind that they won’t wait forever though, better to take a chance in a relationship and realise it’s not going to work than to miss the opportunity to start one because you kept wondering if you should take the risk… At least then you’ll know for sure. Aside from relationships, Taurus Venus can be very indulgent so they must be careful not to over indulge and become lazy and too preoccupied with worldly pleasures. You need to stop focusing on your own comfort. Take chances. Change up the routine. Don’t let life become stagnant. Just because something feels comfortable doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

Gemini venus: As a mercurial Venus, you need to talk less and do more in relationships. You’re not fooling anyone by just being verbally expressive, your actions have to back up your words. Stop freaking out when someone says the words settling down. You can have a healthy, exciting relationship even when you commit to someone. Outside of relationships, you really just need to listen to people, like actually listen to what they’re trying to say between the lines instead of listening to wait for your turn to speak. You give up on pleasures easily, the type to give up on a show two episodes in because it’s not mentally stimulating enough or too boring. Stop that. Learn to be patient.

Cancer venus: You need to stop being a creature of comforts and stop being so reliant on reassurance. Work up the courage to be affectionate with people even if they aren’t reassuring you 24/7 and actively challenge any insecure thoughts when the people you love aren’t around you. Learn to be more independent, not everyone appreciates clinginess - not to mention this placement is more likely to have dependency issues. Get out of the house, have fun by yourself. Learn that a relationship is strongest when you don’t need reassurance because the security between the people in the relationship is that unbreakable. Outside of relationships, there is a tendency for comfort eating or comfort spending if the wallet allows it. You need to develop confidence and security from within rather than from these external factors. Learn to let go of past hurts.

Leo venus: You need to learn to be more reasonable with your expectations. You have a larger-than-life, almost childlike view of love and these demanding expectations can be exhausting and even crippling to the people in your life who can’t give you the flamboyant over-the-top grandiose displays of affection you dream about. This is disappointing to you, but not everything can be grand all the time - a lesson that must be learned when the Sun’s shining hot rays meet Venus. That doesn’t mean your partner/friends/family love you any less, they may simply have a more toned-down way of expressing love. Loving you can be… expensive. Leo expects grandiose luxury 24/7 and this can lead to over indulgence and laziness in relationships. Leo Venuses may also be impulsive with their spending and always treat themselves if the wallet allows it. Keep an eye on this and control your appetite for luxury in order to grow. Be considerate of your partner’s needs/other people’s needs rather than endlessly thinking about how they don’t measure up to YOUR ideals.

Virgo venus: Venus falls in Virgo so the planet’s desire for calmness, beauty and social grace conflicts with Virgo’s critical, nitpicking, finnicky nature. Stop being so quick to judge others’ appearance and point out their flaws just because they don’t match up to your extremely high standards. These standards can be unreasonable. You constantly criticise those you love because you think it helps improve them, yet you are extremely sensitive to any criticism thrown at you. In order to reach personal growth you need to develop confidence in your appearance and self worth to the point where you are unaffected by outside criticisms. You also need to express your appreciation for those you love in more positive ways, like compliments. Constant criticism will make no one think kindly of you, despite your seemingly good intentions… Insecure virgo venuses can be critical out of a dissatisfaction with their own appearance. Work on being more reasonable and less judgemental.

Libra venus: You need to work on your sincerity. You’re friendly and peace-loving so people enjoy your company but you have a tendency to treat all people the same, regardless of how close or distant you are, bringing your sincerity into question. You yourself often wonder if you like people or if you only like the idea of them but you rarely probe beneath the surface to avoid awkwardness. Your interactions can therefore be quite superficial. You value respect and peace above all so you may be reluctant to bring up issues in relationships. Learn to stop avoiding conflict and address important​ issues even if it disrupts the peace. Stop thinking of people as abstract concepts and really decide whether or not you like certain people. This will help eliminate miscommunication and any resentment from the other party.

Scorpio venus: Love doesn’t have to be painful and dramatic in order to be transformative. Your need for over the top drama in relationships can be tiring and exhausting to others. Stop relying on intense drama to work out your trust issues. Instead, you need to work on challenging your paranoia of being betrayed, letting go of control in relationships and avoid guilt-tripping/manipulating people into staying in the relationships. When Pluto is expressed through Venus, there is a tendency to destroy relationships before they even start (and then some more destruction if it does take off). Just because you find love painful and messy doesn’t mean you have to make it that way for the people who care about you. Stop treating them as toys that need to be tested. Address YOUR trust issues directly to achieve personal growth and form/maintain healthy, strong relationships. With this venus there is a strong attraction to the taboo so be careful, don’t get carried away by your desires.

Sagittarius venus: Stop looking at people as “experiences” to be tried. In order to achieve growth and fulfilment you need to surround yourself with loyal and caring people who don’t disregard your need for freedom and independence. But for full self-actualisation, you need to realise that commitment and freedom are not simultaneously exclusive; instead of leaving relationships the second you’re not stimulated, try waiting it out. Learn to develop patience with your friends and people you love. Not everyone can be intellectually stimulating 24/7. Avoid buying too many souvenirs when traveling.

Capricorn venus: Learn to enjoy pleasure without feeling guilty and learn to loosen up and quit treating relationships like a business contract. If you keep assessing the costs and benefits of relationships you may miss out on an opportunity, not to mention this cold and calculated approach to relationships makes it lose its sentiment. Sometimes it’s better to just jump in even if you don’t know how much you have to lose. This is not to say you are cold and calculated, but you hide your warmness behind a cool veneer. The problem is, most people won’t/forget to look beyond the surface level. Therefore, you must put in an effort in being more socially trusting, warm and at ease until you actually feel less tense and stiff. Not that it matters. You’ll likely distract yourself with work anyways….

Aquarius venus: Learn that don’t have to prove your uniqueness to the world through your partners. Aquarius venuses often enjoy being in progressive relationships and challenging traditions. This stems from your fear of being tied own down and discomfort with traditions that make no rational sense. This is fine, but do not toy with others’ affection for you out of a need to prove something. You can be in a stable and committed relationship while still being progressive - you need to understand they aren’t mutually exclusive. Moreover, you can be careless with or oblivious to the needs of other people in relationships. Most people have no idea how you feel about them. Take initiative and explicitly let them know. Work on being more attuned to the other person’s needs, even if they feel “lesser” than your own “global humanitarian” ones. Ironic that this needs to be mentioned to a sign that seemingly values equality..

Pisces venus: Learn to set boundaries in your relationships. Don’t let people manipulate you, walk all over you or completely disregard your basic needs and get away with it just because you think you love them/care about them. Setting boundaries will not get in the way of forming relationships/finding Tru Love (if you believe in that). In fact it channels and filters the purest and most transformative forms of love towards you. You also need to stop projecting your idealistic standards onto the people you love - you will start to associate love with disappointment inevitably because most people wont live up to your unrealistic standards. You may not realise how unrealistic they are, but wherever Neptune goes, there is danger of illusion and deception. You also need to put more action into showing people you care because your displays of affection can be too abstract. Just BE there. Finally, stop giving in to escapist tendencies. Don’t fall into temptations. When neptune meets Venus, there is danger of addiction/substance abuse or at best maladaptive daydreaming. You are not doomed. Simply learn to control your temptations. Pisces also co-rules Jupiter so there are overindulgent tendencies. Be proactive. Actively try and catch yourself indulging in escapism and force yourself to snap out of it if you can. Jupiter will keep an eye out for you.

♂ MARS SIGNS:- ♂

Aries mars: Stop being so rash in your decision making! You’ve heard this before and you probably got into trouble many times but you always seem to bounce right back. But if you don’t exercise self restraint and control you will land yourself in irreversible trouble one day. Immediate gratification will never give you the high achievements you so ambitiously seek. You HAVE to learn endurance and patience.

Taurus mars: You HAVE to learn adaptability. Your fixedness and stubbornness work well in persevering and career accomplishment but it also means a lack of malleability, difficulty in bouncing back. You may be tough to break, but once you’re broken it’ll be difficult to put you back together unless you learn to be versatile. Don’t have your mind set on one thing, always have back ups in case things don’t work out. You are not always right and you will end up pushing people away with your rigidity. Learn to compromise. Control your temper when you finally do blow up - this placement has a tendency to push down anger in moments where they can be righteously angry and then build this up until it turns to rage and comes out at completely inappropriate moments. Curb this. Learn to speak up when something angers you right then and there instead of holding on to your anger… Little to no good comes out of this.

Gemini mars: Watch your tongue! With Mercury meeting Mars, you have a propensity for saying hurtful things in arguments. You need to learn to control your crass indifference to others’ emotions when you feel threatened. You need to realise that it’s not acceptable to discard emotional values and principles in order to assert your intellectual superiority e.g. spilling secrets/insulting things the other person is insecure about/using manipulation, etc. There is a tendency to be deceitful and flighty in arguments and life in general here, so you must develop perseverance instead of taking the easier way out. Once you do this, you will be a worthy opponent.

Cancer mars: You MUST learn to stop resorting to, or more often relying on, manipulative tendencies. Mars is in fall when it enters Cancer so it can be more difficult to develop the placement’s strengths and thus there is a tendency to rely on the weaknesses instead. There has to be a way for you to get your point across or win the argument without victimising yourself and demonising the other person/people. You need to learn to assert yourself in the moment express your anger the instant it comes up, instead of holding on to your anger like Taurus Mars. When you do this, your outbursts will seem more reasonable and less confusing and deluded to other people… Make an active effort to be as DIRECT as possible. Say things plainly and explicitly. Soon you will develop more confidence in your assertions and you will feel less defensive about everything. Being rational is very, very hard for this placement when mad which is why you have to start working on this from an early age whether it’s through simple common sense mantras that engage your intellectual mind or taking anger management classes. When you’re angry, the whole world revolves around you. It doesn’t matter to you how the other person feels, you’re blind to this when you blow up despite, or perhaps because of, how empathetic you are generally. All that matters in that moment is that YOU feel hurt. You have to work on being less self-absorbed when irritated, or dangerous things can happen as a result of your blind rage. Learning to prioritise rationality over your own feelings is a must for this placement. Also stop fronting and acting like you’re tougher than you really are… it could land you in deep shit one day if you go looking for trouble to prove your worth. Regardless of how powerless or insecure you feel, your manipulation is maladaptive and must be actively curbed. If and only if you take a proactive stance against this will you start developing confidence from WITHIN, and succeed in all aspects of life regardless of oppositions.

Leo mars: You must learn how to be objective and less self-involved. Simply yelling that you’re the best doesn’t make it true - it in fact conveys self-esteem issues. While you do have a natural confidence, this confidence is highly dependent on the reassurance and praise of others which you manage to constantly receive, so is it really confidence? Your journey to self-actualisation has to begin with developing confidence in your own worth regardless of the attention you get. Also stop being so prideful and rigid, it’s not productive and it’s a waste of time. You’re not always right, that’s a fact - the only way to know if you ARE right in a particular issue is to step back and shove your ego aside and look at the situation from a distance, from different perspectives, etc… THAT is how you know for sure. Learn that letting go and/or considering alternate viewpoints is to your advantage too. Learn to listen to others, accept that they may have better ideas than you. How can you expect any one to believe the whole confidence act if you’re so easily provoked by the tiniest perceived slight?

Virgo mars: Another Mercury-ruled Mars like Gemini, you need to watch your tongue. Stop using the fact that your sharp-tongued criticisms are factually observable as an excuse to berate others, especially if you attack weaknesses they let you see/ told you they’re insecure about. You’re not as mature you think you are when you’re angry, in fact you can be quite relentlessly petty from all the built up restless frustration that comes with being a co-ruler of Mercury. This gives you an immense drive to intellectualise why you’re right… which is also borderline childish. You need to work on your hypocrisy if you expect anyone to take your criticisms seriously/be affected by them, especially when you’re the type to constantly dish out criticism but unable to take any. You also need to work on being more accepting of other people’s approaches - like Leo and Aquarius, you have a hard time believing others know better/more than you or have better ideas and approaches. You have to accept that you’re not the authority on how to do things ‘right’ if you want to achieve personal growth. Zooming in on and obsessing over details isn’t always as efficient as you think it is, this finnicky nitpicking can actually be your worst enemy and a waste of productive time - learn to look at the big picture. The whole is not the sum of its parts.

Libra mars: You MUST learn to be more decisive and straightforward​. Endlessly weighing the pros and cons in tense situations is rarely productive - sometimes a quick, swift decision needs to be made. In order for you to grow as a person, you need to be able to think on your feet. You have a tendency to insert yourself into arguments to act as the “mediator” but fail to reach a concrete solution or conclusion out of fear of ruffling any feathers/escalating the tension or due to getting lost in weighing the situation. Don’t do that, don’t appoint yourself as the mature mediator if you won’t take mature actions. Learn to directly tell someone if you think they’re wrong instead of beating around the bush - chances are, their reactions will be the same. Learn to explicitly express and assert your needs to others instead of dropping hints… The worst that could happen is they ignore it, but that’s almost a given with your passive aggressive approach.

Scorpio mars: You MUST let go of control and stop being so defensive. Like Cancer Mars, you can be easily provoked but not out of feeling hurt, but rather out of paranoia that your privacy is being invaded or the implication that you don’t have as much control over things as you think you do. Guess what, you don’t. The sooner you accept this, the quicker the path to self-actualisation will be. You’re sensitive and hyperaware of power struggles as a result of a deepseated fear of losing the upper hand and being on the lower end of the scale. This may have been spurred by potential feelings of powerlessness early in life. Regardless, you need to let go of your need for control. You need to stop resorting to manipulation or downright ruthlessness to get what you want. Control your emotional impulses that urge you to display dominance… A developed Scorpio Mars won’t need to display it. Thrive on the loss of power rather than fearing it; Scorpio is ruled by Pluto after all, the planet of transformations and shifts in power. Once you start to loosen your grip and become less defensive as a result, you are actually at your best as you are fulfilling your Plutonian purpose of destruction of the self and completely rebuilding a new self from the ashes.

Sagittarius mars: You need to work on your crass indifference to others’ emotions like your sister sign except here this is more impulsive and self-serving. Your bluntness means people can rely on you for your honest opinion, but you use it like a dagger when provoked. You get over it fairly quickly, but you can’t expect others to do so too. You have to be respectful of others’ approach to things - you’re not as accepting as you think you are - and the time it takes for them to heal, don’t expect forgiveness for your (often insincere) apologies, it only makes you look more entitled. You must learn to commit to your projects and not move on to the next interesting thing that catches your eye. You might have an unrivalled enthusiasm for worldly experiences and education, but you lack the perseverance and steadiness required for this. You need to learn to persist even when you feel that your interest is starting to fade. Like Aquarius, you need to practice what you preach if you expect anyone to adopt your views.

Capricorn mars: You must learn when to let go and be inflexible. You pride yourself on self-control, but you hold back from indulging in the merits you get as a reward for your ambition and work ethic. So what’s the point? Do you only do it for pride? Is that the only way you feel important? You must learn to let go and live a little. Stop being so rigid about everything; your need for control and order can be stifling to others. You call yourself a long term planner but where do you see yourself going if you constantly overwork yourself without allowing yourself to enjoy the rewards? You also need to humble yourself down. You may be practical and down to earth, but a confident certainty in your own abilities and knowledge can sometimes manifest as arrogance. You have a God complex that needs to be addressed in your journey to personal growth… You’re so sure that you’re right that you rarely stop and think and consider the other person’s viewpoint without pressure. You’re so concerned with what’s efficient and practical that you always stick to what you know, losing the very objective and logical nature you like to pride yourself on… You must learn to adapt to occasions where things don’t bend your way, where you turn out to be wrong or where you have to experiment with new methods - you have to learn to do all this without resorting to the very level of pettiness you consider yourself above. Rise above this tendency to do whatever to win the argument/ have the last word, it’s childish no matter how you masquerade it. Also be wary of a tendency to step on others to reach the places you want out of a hunger for power… If you want it bad enough you can get there through your own work ethic.

Aquarius mars: You must learn to stop being so inflexible in your views and opinions. You rarely resort to emotional manipulation or rage when angry, not out of respect for others but out of a HUGE superiority complex. You think you’re ‘above’ that like Capricorn Mars but instead of being hypocritical by ending up resorting to the very pettiness you think you’re above, you simply cut the person off and disappear from their life if your values were incompatible and you couldn’t convert them to your side. Ironic considering the tolerance and open-mindedness you constantly preach to others. Learn to humble yourself down and stop thinking your opinions are always right or that you know more than others. Like your sister sign leo, you need to learn to accept that others may know more than you/may be right. Just because you disagree with someone on something doesn’t mean they can’t be in your life.

Pisces mars: Toughen the fuck up and grow a backbone. You need to stop letting people walk all over you and pretend it’s for ~selfless~ reasons when really you do it because you loooove wallowing in self pity. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and relying on escapism. Snap out of it. You MUST be proactive and combat the disillusion that comes with a neptunian Mars. Stop relying on external sources to deal with difficult situations. Face it head on for once. You’ll be relieved. You’ll get through it sooner if you do. Do everything you can to stay in touch with reality. Distract yourself with lists or mentally/physically demanding activities. Don’t let yourself slip away. Stick to plans for once. Focus inward on your emotions to find the root/cause behind certain emotions. You MUST learn to set boundaries. Once you start focusing on yourself and set hard limits instead of excusing others’ actions, asserting yourself will be much easier.

*This is based on the archetypes and basic traits of the zodiac signs. Maintain an objective approach when reading these.. if a description seems off, remember to look holistically at your whole chart. Obviously I don’t know you personally, but astrology is inherently neutral even if my interpretation isn’t and just because YOU don’t express a certain trait does not mean it is not a trait of said sign. So don’t bother with the “not all ___” rants lmao save your energy. **Astrology is not deterministic, nothing is set in stone just because you have a certain placement - don’t try to justify detrimental behaviours using this excuse e.g. ‘i have a Scorpio Mars and Moon so I can’t help but rely on manipulative tendencies :/’ which is laughable because 1) it’s a shitty excuse 2) it just reinforces underdeveloped traits that discourage any personal growth. You have some degree of control over your behaviours, use that to your advantage. ***I excluded Sun & the outer planet sign placements from this particular post as the description would be too generic and generalised due to the nature of the post. They will be added on the Aspects version of this post as aspects are more personalised and relevant when it comes to the Sun and outer planets. for more posts like this please follow @jupiteronic​

CAPTURED BY THE CLANS (part 1 of 3), a Science Fiction tale.

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to Science Fiction

Captured by the Clans

by

Glen Ten-Eyck (De Writer)

© 2020 by Glen Ten-Eyck

All rights reserved

written, 2006

18231 words

All rights reserved. This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

//////////////

Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may reblog the story.  They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions, provided that such things are done without charge.  I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.  

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fictions is actively encouraged.

///////////////////////

Captured by the Clans (part 1 of 3)

T’cass was getting another headache. Trying to explain the M’cratt strategy to the Combined Clans Strategy Board was beyond frustrating. The problem was the same one that T’cass had faced for most of her young life. The Clans war leaders weren’t stupid at all. They just weren’t Warriors.

T’cass’ three mothers had been a trade ambassador to the Emperial Triad in the City of Empire on M’cratt. They had enrolled their kit in K’lass’ School of All Conflict, the most respected and absolutely the toughest school of the Warrior’s Way in all of M’cratt space. To everyone’s surprise, T’cass, a Clan kit, had done very well. She had done so well that the “civilizing” influence of the Embassy was set at naught. She was well on her way to becoming a true M’cratt Warrior when her mothers were recalled to Clan Space.

Nobody that she had found in Clan Space had wanted to become friends with the intense, Warrior’s Knife carrying T’cass. She simply didn’t think like a Clanner.

When Lezon Treh K’lass had begun to lead the M’cratti advance on Clan Space, nobody took it seriously until it was far too late. They were waiting for the Treaty Commission to act against the Empire. It didn’t act.

T’cass could have told them why. She had tried to, in fact. What she’d said fell on deaf ears. The Clans had written that treaty and they knew what it said. They thought.

T’cass knew better. The translation had been bungled by skilled linguists who had failed to grasp one simple fact. It was impossible to say peace in M’cratt. The concept didn’t exist in the language. The Treaty Commission, limited to enforcing the treaties written by others, did know the correct reading and waited for a violation. There had been none yet.

The war had changed part of T’cass’ problem. Her talents in a fighter had proven to be past extraordinary. Her past let her know how the enemy thought and would react. Her fighter wing’s amazing record had brought her to the attention of the Strategy Board. They had recruited her for her talents.

The deal that she had struck left her in the pilot’s seat of her fighter when there was action. They were between engagements at present. It was terribly difficult to get the admirals of the Clans to listen to her. They were such straightforward beings. Their skills were nearly useless when facing an unorthodox and wily Warrior like Lezon Treh K’lass.

Getting a grip on herself, T’cass pointed into the holographic chart again. Exasperated, she tried to show the admirals what was so obvious to her. Using a light pointer to illustrate what she was saying, she tried again to say, “Lezon’s fleet is going to hit us here, at K’stall.”

“Ridiculous!” Admiral Lusan snorted, laying her ears back into her mane. “They will have to fight their way past R’iggin and D’far. Those fortress systems will slow them down for weeks at least! Besides, they will need time to lick their wounds after the defeat I gave them at C’ustance!”

Appalled at the ignorance of war that she was hearing, T’cass asked, “What defeat, Admiral Lusan? They drew you far out of position for defending K’stall and lost only a few ships doing it!”

Admiral Lusan did not like the implication that her victory, broadcast as such all over Clan Space, had been less than complete. Eyes slitted in rage, fangs bared, she snarled, “The M’cratt fled the field in disarray!” She slapped down a scouting report on the M’cratt retreat. “There’s your proof!”

“Yes,” said T’cass, picking up the report. “They all fled on vector 07.334, 45.680, 123.935. What’s out that way from C’ustance?”

Admiral F’rufan wrinkled her brow in thought and actually studied the chart. “I see. There’s a singularity in that direction, right there.” Her light pointer highlighted the black hole. “Perhaps we can catch them while they re-group around it. Nasty business, fighting in that sort of gravity well, but we’ll have the advantage of a position further out, in flatter space.”

“A good start,” said T’cass encouragingly. “Just feed these scouting reports into the computer and project them into the chart. Get a scale for the region so that it just includes K’stall.”

In moments the Strategy Board as a group were looking in dismay at a disaster unfolding. The ‘disaray’ of the M’cratt fleet had put them into a carefully planned order based upon the mass and acceleration abilities of each ship. As the ships whipped about the singularity under power they would come out at the enormous velocity of 54C. Gravity slingshoting packed the enemy into a tight formation aimed unmistakably at K’stall, leapfrogging right past the fortress systems.

Facing reality, Admiral Lusan asked, “What could be worse than this? We are light years out of position and can’t even get the main fleet there in time. Once K’stall falls, R’iggin and D’far will be cut off. The Central Fleet will be lost along with them.

“They will only need a battle group coming in from the direction of C’ustance while their main fleet comes back from K’stall.”

T’cass looked doubtfully at the chart and said, “Lezon could do that, of course, but why? Just six months cut off from resupply will weaken both the fortress systems and the Central Fleet. They could then be safely taken out by a few Talon carriers. It’s M’onafar that we need to worry about.

“M’onafar is not that far from K’stall and it has several gas giants in tight orbits for planets of their type. There are other tactical nightmares, besides. If it wasn’t such a perfect refueling and slingshoting point for all of the Combine Worlds, it would be classed as valueless. Nearly all of the trade to or from the Outer and Frontier worlds passes through that system. From M’onafar, all of the Combine Worlds of the Clans will be in striking range. If we lose M’onafar, we have lost the war.”

Admiral F’rufan scratched gently along her right fang as she thought. Nodding, she said, “I think that I see what T’cass is driving at. What can we marshal at K’stall? We can strip the defenses of the fortress systems. They’re not in particular danger now. What else? K’stall is mainly a supply depot and refit center. What’s in their repair inventory that can fight?”

Without meaning to, T’cass once again showed that she was at least several jumps ahead of the pride and already on the prey’s back. “They have a system siege unit that is up to full power in all combat systems. One of it’s four main engines is still at only sixty five percent output. There are two fighter carriers, one just refitted but not yet assigned, and the other has hull damage but is fully battle ready for short range work. There are nineteen moon or orbit based heavy tachyon batteries of twelve to forty megatons per second output, and an old interstellar signal laser that is still fully operational.

“From the fortress systems, we can pull thirty seven fighters, a light cruiser and the Fleet Operations dreadnought C’aliban. This battleship that we are on can get there in time to be of use as well.”

She laid out a sheaf of papers on the operations table and began to hand them about. “This is what I thought that we could do with them. It is a controlled holding action with a retreat to M’onafar to reinforce the Main and Central fleets already there.”

Admiral Lusan cocked her head and asked curiously, “If the Central fleet can’t get to K’stall in time to help, how can it possibly get to M’onafar? That’s an even greater distance. Also, how do you plan to get the Main fleet there? It is going be needed to defend the Combine Worlds.”

Bluntly, T’cass pointed out, “If M’onafar falls, the Main fleet will be functionally helpless as a defensive unit. Because of that, it will be best employed as a battle force at M’onafar.”

Ears lowered almost into her mane, T’cass said softly, “We must break Lezon’s advance or the best course for the Combine Worlds, indeed for all of the Clan Space, is surrender.”

T’cass’ ears cocked back up to a jaunty angle as she said, “As to getting the fleets there, we steal a page from Lezon. The Central fleet must boost for the singularity with all power. Each ship can choose its best course for M’onafar rather than trying to get together as a fleet after the singularity. Optimum use of the singularity’s gravitational well should get even the slowpokes up to 60C. Nobody even tries to go to K’stall. With deceleration time and the enemy’s lead, that battle will be over before any help can possibly arrive. Both of our fleets will get to M’onafar first, though. That’s what counts.

“The Main fleet can just advance from their present positions and get there in plenty of time.”

Guessing the answer already, Admiral F’rufan observed, “I see that you have a lot of other papers there. Strategic and tactical analyses?”

“Yes,” said T’cass quietly, laying out papers. She didn’t understand why she felt somehow ashamed for being right.

**********

Lezon Treh K’lass had a headache of her own. Once again, she was trying to explain to proud admirals who were good Warriors in their own right, how they had put the last strategic plan in the latrine, even while winning the engagement. Now, she also had to explain exactly what they needed to know to carry out the next strategic plan.

She knew what they thought of her. “Named in haste,” was the gentlest insult of the lot. When they thought that she couldn’t hear, “Low ranked favorite of the Empress Triad” was another favorite. True, she was young to have earned a Name, let alone the achievement of the full compliment of three Names. It had been the decision of the Empress Triad to Name her at all.

Before the deadly business of the Feront contact, Lezon had been another nameless corvette pilot. True, she had gone to K’lass’ School of All Conflict at the same time as the latest wife of the Empress Triad. True, at that prestigious school, every conflict that she participated in came out as she had planned it. True, that had brought her the notice of the rulers of the Empire. Also true, though they had watched her career as a Warrior, they had not intervened. Lezon was not the only one that they watched. Others had risen faster.

Now, by her own choice, she was a lowly Talon pilot. That was exactly what she wished to be. She could easily become any rank short of the Empress Triad, simply by making her wish known to her rulers. And the admirals who came to her knew it. There was no mistaking who was in charge of the war.

Lezon knew who was proud of serving with her and who was jealous of her skill and ability, both in a combat craft and politically. The war that Lezon had planned was proceeding exactly as the Triad Empress desired and that, to Lezon, was quite enough.

Even if the war did not go as planned, so long as she guided her actions by the Warrior’s Way, Lezon would have accepted the result. Sometimes the Triple Goddess simply did not favor you.

The battle at C’ustance had been disturbing for two reasons. One was that some of her own prey-minded Admirals had tried to make an actual battle out of a simple sucker play. Those who did fight, against orders, had run into something new on the Clan side.

At least, through underestimating the enemy, they wouldn’t get any more Warriors killed unnecessarily. They were gone. What was unforgivable was that their ships and the irreplaceable Warriors who manned them were gone too.

The second disturbing item was that something new that they had seen on the Clan side. Some of the Clan units had fought with disciplined and unorthodox combat behavior as if they were being led by a true Warrior. Those units had cost all of the real losses to Lezon’s fleet.

Idly, Lezon wondered what it would be like to fight a Clan Warrior. Would she know the Warrior’s Way? Would she even know of the Warrior’s Way? How had a Clanner even learned to carry out a true combat? So far as she knew, Clanners failed to grasp the most basic understanding of the nature of Conflict.

She pulled her mind back to the problem of updating her attack on K’stall. She appreciated once again the efficiency of M’ace, Captain of the Hand of Claws, her Executive Officer, in organizing her data without sifting out “useless” information. It had been difficult to find an XO that she could work with so smoothly. It made dealing with the Admirals so much simpler.

New scouting data had come in and she needed to see how it affected her plans. Um, not that much. The old communication laser had been shifted into a solar orbit to get it out of the way of the planetary approaches. The capital ships in the system for repair and refit were moving about the system conducting routine function testing. Everything seemed normal.

At the Battle Groups meeting, Lezon presented the latest update to her plans and delegated the different parts of the attack to the Admirals that she trusted. They would do their jobs well and had a proven record of ability to improvise as necessary to reach a strategic objective.

Lezon spent an extra three days maneuvering the fleet into an attack position that was perpendicular to the ecliptic of the K’stall system. She brought the fleet in fast, coming straight down on the primary and breaking out around the star in powered cometary orbits. As the fleet scattered to the chosen targets, Treh’s Hunt exploded. In moments, Lezon’s Wisdom followed suit. A Talon fighter between the primary and the Fangs of the Goddess erupted fractions of a second before the Fangs of the Goddess.

Lezon saluted her unknown enemy. The Talon was the tip-off. They were being hit by the old interstellar signal laser in its solar orbit, firing from behind the scattering attack fleet. Lezon ordered her own Talon Carrier, the Hand of Claws, to launch. She broke the ranks as soon as possible after launch, spending her power recklessly to brake and dive back toward the star.

From the scouting data, she knew the orbit used by the ancient piece of equipment that was destroying the capital ships of her fleet. It was cunningly hidden in the tachyon noise of K’stall. Since the laser operated in the Electromagnetic spectrum, its attacks were invisible on the tachyon detection equipment now in universal use. Lezon admired her enemy’s brilliant cunning.

Diving around the star in a powered orbit at 0.6C, Lezon came up behind the antique device. In her entire life, she had only seen two of them. It was a long, narrow unit with a fairly huge and very dangerous antique fusion power plant at one end and a monster set of lenses at the other. The lenses were moving to focus the collimated beam of deadly light at another target as Lezon opened fire.

The laser was cut into unequal parts by her disruptor battery. She checked with close range instruments to be sure that the life system was intact and that all defenses were destroyed.

As a true Warrior of the Way, it was her duty to kill whenever necessary and then to protect the life of all non-combatants when possible. Those aboard the laser might be Clan but they were no longer a threat. She flashed past, rising away from the star, back into active combat.

The rest of the fleet was running into unexpectedly stiff opposition. Those capital ships under test, the ones that had looked like sitting snacks had turned out to have claws after all. There were also two dreadnoughts that her scouts had missed entirely. The bypassed fortress systems had supplied almost exactly the number of ships and fighters that she had expected.

Watching the battle unfold from the screens of her specially equipped Talon, Lezon could see that she had no need to interfere. Her Admirals were handling the situation. She returned to the basics of a fighter pilot’s job and left her command frequency silent.

Lezon could sympathize with her unknown Clan Warrior’s frustration at a good battle plan being destroyed by over-eager glory hunters. The dreadnoughts had been neatly hidden by the same tactic as the laser. If they had simply waited longer to deploy, they could have demolished most of the Empire Talon Carriers as they were lifting away from the star. The dreadnoughts would have remained difficult to detect in K’stall’s tachyon noise.

Now, those dreadnoughts were being hard pressed by Lezon’s Carriers and their swarms of deadly Talon fighters. The damaged and refit Clan fighter carriers had to break their positions to rescue the dreadnoughts and that functionally sealed the fate of the K’stall system. There would be hard fighting yet but a brilliant defense was ruined.

Lezon dove into the fray, dog fighting with the Clan fighters. Her disruptors were beginning to run dangerously hot from heavy use. Some of the superconducting circuits were beginning to boil the liquid nitrogen coolant in the cables. She broke away to clean space to cool her weapons.

A lone Clan fighter came after her. It fired a low powered warning shot. That did get Lezon’s attention. Clanners didn’t fight that way. They engaged. The deadly dance of the fighters began.

Her opponent was a true master of her craft. Lezon was unable to get a clean disable or kill hit. By the same token, her opponent couldn’t hit her either.

Her instruments began to tell Lezon an interesting tale. The tachyon batteries of the Clanner were running out of power. Her physical missiles were already used up. If the combat went on this way, Lezon would win by simply having a larger combat energy reserve.

Lezon was preparing to fire again, when she realized two things at once. Her enemy’s weapon reserves were gone and she had turned broadside to Lezon’s weapons and rotated her life system to face her enemy. A surrender position for a Warrior of the Way.

Lezon closed carefully to direct visual contact range. Now that she could see her enemy, she could see something that no Clanner would ever do. Her enemy had raised a Warrior’s Knife, and was holding it toward Lezon, handle first.

Lezon, deeply moved, unsheathed her own knife from its safety clips and held it up to her opponent, blade across between them. Her adversary promptly shifted hers to the same position. She had accepted the Obligation. If the war allowed, they would fight again, to a clear decision.

Lezon took an escort position and flew in formation with her antagonist. She didn’t break off until her enemy was safely back in reach of one of her fighter carriers. She had earned her Warrior’s Return along with the Obligation. Lezon flourished her knife and saw the return salute before she left.

Shortly after that, the K’stall defenses crumbled for good and the Clans were in a full but orderly retreat toward M’onafar.

Lezon let them go, sending only two Talon Carriers to harry them. She ordered the fleet to hold position at K’stall and use the captured repair facilities. There was a Warrior on the Clan side. One who knew exactly what she was about. Lezon wanted the greatest strength possible when they hit M’onafar.

In spite of all of the necessities of battle, M’ace had Lezon’s reports organized and waiting. There was a synthesized snack and a salted drink bowl laid out along with the data blocks. M’ace always seemed to know what was needed.

Lezon sat quietly in the data station on the command deck of the Hand of Claws, her Talon carrier, and munched the snack and the drink as she studied her reports from scouts and spies to see what she could learn about the M’onafar situation. Lezon hated spies and other traitors but only a fool refused accurate information because of its source.

She sent for the prisoners from the signal laser to congratulate them for their excellent part in the battle. To her, excellence was excellence, regardless of side.

Captain D’saric, of the cruiser Fangs of Empire, informed her smugly, “There were no prisoners to be taken from the laser. The life system received a direct hit during the battle.”

Lezon’s ears laid flat back into her mane and her lips curled away from her fangs at the lie. Her eyes slitted and her claws slid out. In a voice gone soft with rage, she demanded, “Let me see the recording.”

A picture of the laser’s ruined life system appeared in the hologram screen. Lezon studied it briefly. She turned to Captain D’saric and said in a dangerously mild voice, “That damage was done by a class four disruptor battery. Only medium cruiser and larger ships have them. There was just one vessel of that size within range of them. Yours. You were sent to pick the prisoners up, not execute them.”

Captain D’saric dismissed the accusation, contemptuously saying, “They weren’t Warriors. They should have known better than to oppose us. They paid the price.”

Lezon, ears still laid her flat into her mane, snarled, “Have you ever heard of intelligence? I wished to find out who, among our enemies, thought of that trick. Now we must face the key battle of this war ill prepared!”

Lezon whirled about and pointed at the hologram chart. “Your stupidity may have cost us M’onafar! If we lose there, we will need to sue for an end to hostility! We are seriously overextended unless we can consolidate our position at M’onafar.

“You are relieved. Your contempt for the Warrior’s Way is not tolerable. The Empress Triad will have the full information of this event. Your future is in their claws!”

Commander M’ase, captain of the Hand of Claws, had held her silence until D’saric was gone. Now, she asked, “Was that wise? D’saric is popular among the capital ship commanders. They may see this as a petty reason for dismissal and possible execution.”

Lezon cocked one ear thoughtfully and nodded, accepting her Executive Officer’s point. “They may see it that way. It isn’t a petty or minor breach, though. She deliberately fired on a helpless enemy. By the Warrior’s Way she was honor bound to protect those lives. Besides, their information was of inestimable value. I don’t know how it happened but the enemy now has a genuine Warrior on their side. I fought her.

“D’saric has breached the Warrior’s Way. That is what defines us. Without it, we cannot understand the basic nature of Conflict. That leaves us no better than animals.”

M’ase, nodded understanding, “I recognize that and honor the Way. Others may not. It is often difficult to remove oneself from one’s feelings and many, even in the higher ranks, have not fully succeeded.”

“True,” Lezon conceded, “but whether they have succeeded in following the Way or not, they must follow the orders of the Empress Triad. They have put into writing this simple directive. ‘Fight the best war that the Way of the Warrior allows.’ D’saric violated that order as well as mine. At the least, those Clanners were to be valuable slaves. My personal booty.”

M’ase shook her head sadly. Warriors like Lezon happened only once in many lifetimes. The problem was that they never seemed to fully understand the deep gulf that lay between them and those that they led.

Her eyes slitted in thought and she nodded to herself. Actually, the other commanders might well respond better to the idea that Lezon’s anger stemmed from a financial loss than the true reason. She determined to let both reasons “slip out” at the next meeting of the Battle Leaders.

M’ase had been honored when the War Leader of the Empress Triad had chosen the Hand of Claws as her flagship. M’ase had no loyalty to anything but the Empire and the Warrior’s Way. Others had felt slighted that the War Leader had not chosen a more impressive ship.

Lezon’s answer to such was simple. “I am a Warrior. I choose to fight at the closest quarters that I can. I can’t do that from inside the armor of a dreadnought.”

M’ase knew the answer for the simple truth. Others, who habitually thought in more subtle terms, saw the answer as an insult to the bravery of the admirals in those dreadnoughts. This was particularly true of those primary admirals who had to take their orders from a “not so simple” combat pilot.

M’ase herself took Lezon’s orders without worry. She knew that if there was one thing that Lezon valued above all else, it was the lives of those that she led. That many would die, Lezon understood perfectly. That no death on either side be wasted in achieving the goals set by her Empresses, was Lezon’s highest aim.

Many otherwise good Warriors simply could not grasp that the lives of the enemy were as precious as the lives of your own. What else could give the Conflict value? D’saric had been one of those who failed to grasp that fundamental principle.

The primary reason that the Hand of Claws had been chosen for Lezon’s flagship, instead of one of the mightier ships was the simple fact that M’ase did understand and honor the principles of the Warrior’s Way. As Lezon’s Executive Officer, she also understood Lezon’s frustration at being denied vital intelligence about her enemy by D’saric’s pettiness. In space battles, captives were scarce. Ones with valuable knowledge were scarcer yet.

Lezon thought deeply about the upcoming engagement at M’onafar. This battle was the true pivot point of her entire campaign. Now there was a new element in the mix. Only superior numbers and luck had enabled the Empire to win here at K’stall. However it had happened, there was a true Warrior on the Clan side now.

She too, was brilliant and unorthodox, just as Lezon was. What unpleasantness could she cook up for the Empire? Something occurred to Lezon. She dispatched the fastest scout ship in the fleet to take a look at C’ustance.

**********

T’cass had not fought the admirals over the best use of the fleets. She had simply offered her analysis of the situation and the best way to deal with it. Seeing resistance to the idea of leaving the Combine Worlds undefended she had stalked from the room, snarling, “M’cratt historians will love your decision.”

To T’cass’ surprise, it was admiral Lusan that caught up with her as she was starting to secure her combat harness for the hop from the Flagship to FC 417, her carrier.

“T’cass, wait!” called admiral Lusan as she came running up to the fighter launch bay. “We still need you to explain those deployments!” She paused by the fighter’s still open canopy.

Looking in, Lusan saw T’cass’ big Warrior’s Knife in it’s sheath. “Why do you always carry that?” she asked. “There’s a perfectly good survival knife in the emergency kit.”

T’cass countered with, “Why do you need me to explain ship deployment? The answer is, I’m a Warrior. You are not. You are a good fighter and nobody questions your courage. Unfortunately, courage is simply not enough when there are true Warriors in the fray.

“I earned the right to make and carry this Warrior’s Knife. K’lass’ School of All Conflict allowed me to have it over a year early. Lezon Treh K’lass is the only other one who graduated from K’lass’ School of All Conflict that early. It is not merely mine, it is of me.”

At once, Lusan said contritely, “I did not mean to offend. The truth is, none of us understands the enemy. You do. We don’t understand you either but we do trust you. It’s just so difficult for us to understand either you or Lezon.

“The K’stall defense was brilliant. Now that we have analyzed it, we have even admitted our errors. If we had fought it as you planned it, it would have been an even better engagement than it was.”

She offered a hand to T’cass who carefully unfastened her harness and dismounted her fighter. “If you have decided to follow my plan, we need to talk to a Treaty Commission representative as soon as possible. It would be best if it was the Feront that we talk to. However it works, what one part of it knows, the rest knows.”

Lusan replied, “That won’t be hard. They’ve moved three of their big fusion ring System Siege vessels into the M’onafar system. Why do you want to talk to them? All that they ever do is watch.”

“It,” corrected T’cass absently. “The Feront is one thing composed of many creatures. That was a key to how Lezon managed to fight it to a standstill and open communication with it. I’ve talked to it before, when I was still in K’lass’ School.”

“About the T.C. watching,” T’cass added tiredly, having been over this so many times before, “the T.C. is simply waiting for a violation. There hasn’t been one yet.”

Lusan wrinkled her brow, causing whiskers to rise as she tried to sort out her companion’s thinking. “We had a peace treaty. I’ve read it. This is a war. The violation is obvious, isn’t it?”

Suddenly T’cass had an idea. Perhaps if she approached the notion with humor, she could get it across. Grinning, she said, “I can’t stand laying down.”

Lusan did chuckle at the old snack of a gag but knew her companion well enough to realize that there was a point in what she said. “So what is your point? Is it the impossibility contained in the statement?”

“Yes. In M’cratt it is impossible to say peace. The very title of the treaty is a logical impossibility like that joke. The translators tried to say, ‘a time of no conflict.’ In M’cratt, absence of conflict is an impossible state. The translation fault, which was the doing of our people, invalidated everything that they tried to say. What they needed to say was ‘a time of conflicts managed for balance.’”

Finally, Lusan got it. “The Department of Clan Affairs isn’t going to like hearing that they brought this mess about by a translation foul-up.”

Tartly, T’cass replied, “Don’t I know it! My mothers were recalled for listening to me and trying to get the treaty fixed. I know all about those dead and decaying snack brains!” As they made their way through the busy corridors of the huge ship, T’cass’ claws half extended in rage at the memory.

Diplomatically Lusan let the matter slide. Instead, Lusan asked something else that had been bothering her. “There is a rumor going around that a Talon escorted you almost to FC 417, during the K’stall battle. Is it true?”

Lusan was utterly taken aback by T’cass’ instant response. “Of course it’s true. We had a good fight going. Neither of us could get any decisive advantage. When I ran out of power for the tachyon battery and all of my missiles were already gone, I rolled my fighter to a submit position. Instead of taking a surrender, my opponent imposed the Obligation of Conflict and saw me safely home. We will fight again, if the Triple Goddess allows, and come to a proper decision as to which is the better Warrior.”

Lusan honestly tried to figure that one out. All that she could think of was to ask incredulously, “You mean that you agreed that one of you will kill the other later?”

T’cass nodded nonchalantly, “Perhaps. If one of us shows a clear superiority, the other will submit and become the student of the winner. That is part of the Way.”

As they entered the War Planning room, Lusan offered, “Perhaps that may be a weakness in that Warrior’s Way thing that the M’cratt put so much stock in. If our fighters could use that maneuver to lure …” It was as far as she got. She had been knocked to the floor and T’cass had her helpless. Lusan was staring into the eyes of death itself, personified in T’cass.

Angrily pronouncing each word separately, T’cass said, “If. I. Ever. Hear. Of. That. You. Will. Die. I. Will. Not. Fight. With. Those. Of. No. Honor.” Mastering her rage slowly, she helped Lusan up. Then she added, “I do not understand you. Clans and M’cratt are the same species. All that separates us is a gulf of thought. Trust me when I say that the Feront is easier for me to understand than you are.”

Sliding her claws back and raising her ears out of the protection of her mane, T’cass glanced about the War Room. She saw shock and fear printed on many faces. Acknowledging the alien ways of the Clans, T’cass ducked her head in apology and said, “Admiral Lusan, I am sorry for this incident.

“Understand, what you proposed is the action of a beast, not a person. If that tactic is tried, every prisoner that the M’cratti hold will be killed as a beast. The only exceptions will be those already taken as personal slaves and thus having a protection as persons under M’cratt law. It will also open up more deadly methods of war between us and make a peace of any sort impossible. The M’cratt will not treat with beasts. They will exterminate them if they feel that they are a danger.”

Admiral F’rufan with forced mildness asked, “Maybe we should know what set you off like that. I don’t think that I want you going for me that way. Was that an unarmed combat style or just anger and fast reflexes?”

“Both,” answered T’cass. “It was a simple V’naris take-down. V’naris is an ancient school of unarmed combat.”

Lusan spoke up, “I suggested doing something that would violate their Warrior’s Way on purpose. I should have remembered that T’cass considers herself a Warrior first and of the Clans only second. She has made the point often enough.” Turning to T’cass, she said, “I accept your apology. I had no idea that my notion could cause so much harm.”

T’cass nodded and said, “Has anybody raised one of those T.C. ships yet? I need to get permission for something from the Feront.”

F’rufan dismissed the notion. “They’ve been trying to contact us. Since they won’t do anything to stop the blatant treaty violations of the M’cratt, I ordered our communications people to ignore them.”

Calmly, T’cass said, “That was stupid. Those three ships by themselves, without backup, have enough firepower to destroy both our fleet and the M’cratt fleet. The M’cratt haven’t broken the treaty. That’s why the T.C. hasn’t acted. It was genius on Lezon’s part to get the Feront into the Treaty Commission. We need them to approve my strategy since it involves deliberate planetary damage.”

Next==>

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to Science Fiction

Feminist/body musings/quotes from Sally! LFF Founding Editor

Hi! I don’t typically feature myself! But I have had some thoughts lately, about feminism/body and the complexity around that issue as I am a feminist, while also enjoying participating in some of mass media culture some feminist’s may disagree with -- I’m a finalist for Maxim Mag’s Cover Model 2020 - very small chance - but how cool would it be to infiltrate with an almost 40 year old feminist??. 

I am a mother artist curator and sometimes art model! I am a complex feminist and while obtaining a graduate degree in art history and feminist theory, I always found myself challenging and agreeing with both sides, while attracted to more real world theory than deconstruction theory.

Sally Brown Deskins: “Sword (Tribute to Wanda Ewing”, acrylic and ink on canvas

My abstract body prints challenge social and cultural body standards by abstracting my body. Beauty is subjective, though I believe objectification is human and can be coupled with respect. I don't believe it has to be one or the other. Recognizing my privilege as a woman who does have a relatively culturally acceptable look (I could point out "flaws" but waste of time). I celebrate my body along with everyone elses’ (and their celebration too whatever qualities!) when I make my work both artistically and as an art model.  In this light, I’m going to share some quotes from feminists and artists around these topics, all of which I agree with, though some of them seemingly in opposition, with some of their art to complement...

“...the battleground of greatest intensity has been and remains the body--the female body.  The taboos are still in place. The transgressive works...focus on outrage accorded to the male sensibility, constructs of male culture. Female creative assaults--with their deep spiritual implications, their attention to gender declivities are surfacing in male consciousness...we are still streaming in from the Moon...from our planet.” ~ Carolee Schneemann, in conversation with Aviva Rahmani, 1989, M/E/A/N/I/N/G

Fuses (Carolee Schneemann, 1967)

“There’s a greater power and charisma when a woman is aware of her sexual prowess when it’s not necessarily about victimization or someone else’s pleasure but her own feeling about her own body and understanding and loving herself.” Mickalene Thomas

Mickalene Thomas, Racquel: Come to Me, 2016. Collage, 108 x 84 inches. 

“What is cunt? We have definitions of ourselves by men. Cunt is passive, cunt is receptacle, and cunt is vessel, cunt is giver of all rewards and blessings-mother, cunt is evil and demonic — will sallow you up. Those are all fantasy projections but what we have to do is seize 55 Broude & Garrard 61. 21 our own cunt, grab it firmly in our hands and proceed to announce what it is. Announce that it’s real, it’s alive, aggressive, outgoing, it looks like this, it needs this, it has this kind of dimension and what does that mean? It means to take control over our own identity as women and our cunts are symbolic of our identity as women. When people put people down by calling then cunt it means that it is an image of contempt. That is what a cunt is. We have to get a hold of our own image. That’s why I changed my name because I took hold of my own identity, henceforth I shall determine who I am, I reject the definition that society has given me because the definitions that society has given me are non-operable, they are incorrect, they are crippling, they are dehumanizing, so I take hold of my identity, I take hold of my cunt. Henceforth I shall say what cunt is, I shall build cunt myself.” Judy Chicago and the California Girls. DVD. Judith Dancoff, 1971. 

Miss Chicago and the California Girls, 1971. Poster produced by the Feminist Art Program. Fresno State College, California, 1970-71. Judy Chicago is Miss Windy City. Nancy Youdelman is Miss San Francisco. 

“I wish we didn’t have to be nude to be noticed. . . But given the game as it exists, women make decisions….I think that we need to change the culture, not blame the people that are playing the only game that exists.” Gloria Steinem

“If I vibrate with vibrations other than yours, must you conclude that my flesh is insensitive?”  ― Claude Cahun, Héroïnes

Claude Cahun, 1927

“No erotic work of art is filth if it is artistically significant; it is only turned into filth through the beholder if he is filthy.” Egon Schiele

Egon Schiele: Nude

“Censor the body, and you censor breath and speech at the same time...Write yourself. Your body must be heard.” Helen Cixous

“To diffuse self-prejudice, women must take control and have pride in the sensuality of their own bodies and create a sensuality on their own terms, without referring to the concepts degenerated by culture.” Hannah Wilke

Hannah Wilke: from SOS, 1974

“In a world ordered by sexual imbalance, pleasure in looking has been split between active/male and passive/female. The determining male gaze projects its phantasy on to the female form which is styled accordingly. In their traditional exhibitionist role women are simultaneously looked at and displayed, with their appearance coded for strong visual and erotic impact so that they can be said to connote to-be-looked-at-ness.”  ― Laura Mulvey, Visual And Other Pleasures

“Any action a woman engages in from a spirit of joy, and within a similarly safe and joyous environment, falls within the city walls of feminism.”  Caitlin Moran

"It is said that analysing pleasure, or beauty, destroys it. That is the intention of this article.”  ― Laura Mulvey, Visual And Other Pleasures

That last is one of my favorites - feminist killjoy at its finest. And I love that, and I also love complex, happy, reframing optimistic feminism, which we all hold as well. 

 Is it odd that i am a #maximcovergirl2020 contender as a feminist, almost 40? Probably but that's what is interesting. My selflove is about more than me and I'm excited to add to the hundreds of beautiful women out there, some of my fun, domestic, silly and artistic images in this contest. I can and do get dolled up as well becausec I'm a #playfulartist. Thanks for playing along. Voting is FREE and if in the slightest chance, I win, it will not be a traditional Maxim cover shoot. 

Find and vote for me me at maximcovergirl.com/2020/sally .

Sally Brown Deskins: “Prostitutes,” acrylic and ink on BFK

Photo of me by Faby and Carlo, London 2019

https://sallydeskins.wixsite.com/feministart

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Booksis a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017).Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current prompts:

What does a womxn mean to you/your work?

Home Studios: Show us where you create!

https://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/614036096689504256/new-series-call-home-stud

asks for fanfic writers: #10-30

 Oh wow *_* First off thank you for the ask??? and your curiosity too lmaoo I know a lot of my answers will probably be boring but oh well, here goes! 

how do you do your researches? 

Well, I feel like I don’t write super complex AUs, so I rarely go into super in depth research, but when I do I usually just start with a google search or visit writing help blogs. I have several bookmarks on character analyses, strengths, virtues, and ways of showing emotion that really help me write sometimes when I’m struggling. Reading fics that are similar to what I’m going for also helps A TON omg. So yeah, nothing specific, but I do have my go-tos ^^

do you listen to music when writing?

Yes lol all the time. Half of my fics are based on specific songs as is? Like seriously name one and I could give you the song behind it honestly lmfao. So usually when a fic is inspired by a song or genre I tend to listen to it while I write!

favorite place to write

I’d say I write most productively when I’m sitting at a desk or table to be honest, when I’m on break from school I write at my parents’ dining room table because it’s really peaceful and in a closed off section of the house. Otherwise though, I write in bed because I’m lazy af orz

hardest character to write

For K, I’d say Yata (besides all the minor characters, who can be tough too, but I feel like I have a bit of wiggle room for them at least). While I don’t dislike how I write Yata, it’s always a lot harder for me than writing Saruhiko for some reason. Plus there’s lots of authors who I admire that write him SO AMAZINGLY and I’m just…I am but a pleb. 

easiest character to write

Saruhiko because I am difficult and emo just like he is -shot- In all honestly though, it’s mostly because exploring his character and thinking about how he’d act in certain situations is a lot easier and more fun for me for some reason, I don’t know ha. But yeah, I’d say writing Saruhiko is a lot more fluid for me! 

hardest verse to write

Oh man, definitely Shaking in My Skull for K project pft. It’s my favorite verse really, but sometimes it gives me a lot of issues plot wise. I worry about making it too boring or slow, and sometimes I wonder if I explain things enough, and it’s always a fight between dialogue and actions klsdnfkdsj *cough* But yeah, it’s troublesome but it’s one of my favorite ideas so I must go on lol

easiest verse to write

Nothing is easy for me to write because I suffer lmfao. But errr, maybe There You Are? Mm don’t get me wrong I know I must’ve struggled with it when I was writing it but compared to the stuff I write now, I think I finished it rather quickly, and even wrote a sequel pretty painlessly so ^^

favorite AU to write 

I love weird AUs lmaooo, like as much as coffee shops and model aus and fake dating are the best (I could read them all day ffff) I love stuff involving supernatural elements and special abilities or really weird first meetings? Like even if it’s not supernatural force just…really strange, unique scenarios always get me very excited

favorite pairing to write 

HOW DARE LOL I have no idea orz Tbh I’ve written saru-mi for so long that it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, and while I’m expanding my fandoms, it’ll definitely hold one of my top spots for a long time ^^ I love my boys ; ;

favorite fandom to write

I really haven’t written for many fandoms so I can’t say either way honestly fffff, I love K, but I also love HQ (especially right now ahh) but it really depends on the mood I’m in. Lately I’ve had pretty bad writer’s block too so I haven’t been writing much for either orz

favorite character to write

Again I’d say Saruhiko for this, because exploring his personality and thought process is so interesting and fun to me, he’s really complex but also a pain in the butt and I love him *_*

least favorite character to write

Probably Mikoto xD I really don’t get why, he’s just so reserved with words and I am a dialogue whore so that’s probably why haha

favorite story you’ve ever written

I don’t think I can pick honestly, I’m very attached to my ideas ha (whether or not I execute them well) but fffff out of my finished stuff I’d say At Your Service or Keep It in the Chat, mostly because they were super fun and silly and those are my favorite types of fics ^^

least favorite story you’ve ever written

Pencils and Paper probably, I just personally don’t think it was my best writing looking back. I wish I could’ve done it more justice, because the request was super cute and amazing, but weh I think it was wasted on me because I was still a newcomer in the fandom :P

favorite scene you’ve ever written

Oooo that’s so hard *sweats* FFF I feel like its from a fic I haven’t posted yet honestly lmao but out of what I have posted, maybe the scene in Shaking in My Skill chapter 5 where the S4 squad mourns Saruhiko, I just really love writing S4 family ughhh I adore them so much, and I got to write my brotp SaruSeri too so it was great!

favorite line you’ve ever written

Damn lmao that’s so many to choose from…hmm this one from my kuro-tsuki fic? It’s the most recent one I remember ha

Kuroo closed the gap between them as if he were the tide pulled by the moon, giving into the gravitational forces of his emotions, of Tsukishima standing so closed off but there, willing despite it all.

story you’re most proud of

Either Shaking in My Skull or one I have not yet finished or posted, it’s a saru-mi fic lmao so hopefully one day it sees the light of day. 

best review you ever got

I got a really sweet review on Chasing the Rush a little over a month ago from ckttt_sabi and it honestly made my day. Especially to get a comment so nice on my first fic for the pairing…it honestly made me so happy. They told me they loved my characterizations and how the characters interacted and how they wanted to see more from me, so I was really flattered. It meant a lot

worst review you ever got 

I’ve gotten quite a few where people would complain about how my smut fics shouldn’t be misaru they should be saru-mi, and it was just really annoying. Not necessarily negative but meh, its a big letdown to get a comment and that’s all it says -shrugs- 

favorite story/poem of another author

If we are talking fanfic, from K one of my favorite fics (tho there are a ton) would have to be Peak (Call Time) by melonsflesh on ao3 @yatatsukki

and for HQ I would have to say…Hidden Gem by realmSpinner omg it’s ongoing but it’s an amazing fic *_*

hardest part of writing

Everything lmao (just kidding), ummm for me, it’s definitely trying to keep the story from being too stiff. As in like…I feel like I tend to just rattle off actions in fics like “oh this happened and then he did this and then he said this” and I always have to try to flesh stuff out and put in details to make it more real and entertaining I think. 

Once again, thanks so much for the ask!