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shannankle · 4 months

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My Running Thoughts on DFF (Episode 5)

It's interesting to see their early motivations and varying levels of investment in this project

We also are getting insight into who is a follower or not. Cause from what Por said to convince Tee, it seems like Jin wants to do the project but not if Tee doesn't

Interesting that we first see non as a reflection as if he is a ghost or not fully present

Awww he's so awkward. Interesting that they play his entrance kind of creepy awkward

Clearly there's something between him and Jin sparking. Does that mean Phee is non? Or will he be a target? So much to speculate on, I got to be patient

And clearly these guys are assholes at least Top and Por, geeze guys

Jin seems like the only nice one here, waiting for that shoe to drop, cause he seems like a follower maybe

Oh what a cool shot with the 2 hallways. One side with people the other where Non is alone. Like his reflection, he's separated socially. And Jin is crossing that threshold

Oh and they're pulling in the use of reflection again. This time Jin is with Non but separated from Por

Jin seems to know a lot about Non's interests. I mean he was reading a book but does Jin know this stuff from rumors or is he already observing him

Por is taking on a weird level of authority and acting like he's doing this for Non and his benefit

Okay how conscious is Jin of the fact that he is flirting?

Oh another catholic school eh? Shadow parallels, hello. But it does fit the fact that this is pulling on Western slasher horror.

I really want to know what the writing on the board says, especially since we get the contrast of Por vs Non writing something

Okay so even the Janta cult stuff came from Non so like clearly its not necessarily based in legends about the forest near Por's cabin. That does make me less inclined to think the cult stuff is part of a supernatural component (though I do still think there is some element of the supernatural).

Por clearly trying to fight for leadership and control by harassing Non over the ending and physical copies. And here goes Top. Aww Jin's at least standing up for him a little, but maybe fight back a bit more

Oh and Non's so resigned telling them to call him whatever, I'm adopting him immediately and all these other boys are on my shit list

Okay what's Tee's deal? They lingered on him a bit too long

Noticeable that Fluke isn't actively bullying but being a bystander

Another shot of Non very boxed in and isolated with life and motion outside that (cars this case)

And Jin crosses into that space again. Even the first shot of non as a reflection was boxed in the door frame .

Oh it's the same spot as earlier but from a different angle, love that

Awww Jin's little half wave after non turned, boy is crushing

And now Jin is alone in the boxed in space.

Over to Non's house, there're 2 kids in the photos so maybe the killer is Non's sibling? Ah an older brother, New living on his own and struggling. But clearly Non is poor compared to these other boys

Wait I need to go back and see what Fluke said about Tee's dad, cause what if he's a debt collector and somehow related to Non's family's issues with money

Wait did New actually go abroad and is struggling or are they lying to Non?

Hmm pills, so are we going with mental illness here? How very Trin. I mean they could be anything but still. Hopefully this is a good rep not a "the mentally I'll kid cracked" narrative

Oh someone with just a heart for a name in his phone, and they know he takes meds. A boyfriend? Crush? At least someone who cares about him most likely, who might want revenge (could it be one of our new boys?). It's clearly not Jin since he texts next.

And look at that face drop out of a smile. So at this point it might be one sided on Jin's part?

Oh he's wearing a red bracelet I wonder if that'll come back at some point. His backpack is also red, so we could call that his color.

Jin half standing up to his friends and half letting them still kind of win.

Uh oh dragging him to cram school to bully him more uggg

God they're treating him like he's physically dirty. Which is a contrast with Jin who openly touches Non. Ooof brings back memories of kids doing this shit in middle school.

Jin just sort of nodding in encouragement, like dude you need new friends

Are they going to get pissed when he shows them up and not pay the class fee?

Oh I like the teacher telling Top he asked Non his name

Is this the teacher Jin saw in the temple? I'll have to go back and check.

Okay a slight change in tone, why cause he knows math? What the fuck are Por and Top up to?

Another boxy shot, lovely

Okay meds again, does that say diazepam? No it's lorazepam, which is used for anxiety

20 seconds into a call with Por(?) And non is asleep, can't blame him

Ugg okay yeah they decided to play nice for their own benefit

Interesting that only Non and Tee have stronger colors in this scene, especially the redish brown color, what's their connection going to be?

This cram teacher knows how to market his class, just plaster his face all over 😅

Mmm maybe don't offer him a ride this feels iffy and icky

Tee in a gambling house. Is this the family business?

Oh shit was the mule Non's brother and now they'll go after his parents. No, Tee will pick Non to open the account for his uncle

Okay Tee's actually in a bind too, his dad needs meds and he's basically working for his uncle. But maybe go do any other job. This does explain why he's so grumpy and stingy with where he spends his time and effort.

Wait so in the film each character will see the mask differently so does that mean there're 5 different masks? It certainly brings up similar questions and themes about perception in the present.

Non wasn't even in the pitching room, ooof

Polaroid photo, a Shutter reference? Jin, I'm watching you bystander boy!!!

Ditch these guys, Jin. And maybe stand your ground and don't agree to not invite Non. And there he goes silently folding.

Tee needs the money from the film and Por is clearly more interested in just getting the fancy camera, which the proceeds will largely go towards paying back

Jin putting Non in the camera box, I'm getting more Shutter flashbacks

A shadow and boxed in Tee now, he's feeling the pressure

Who just leaves that expensive of a camera unattended? I guess a rich boy

Oh Top, parading as a hero and defender but literally one of the first ones to run. And then the one to kill one of said friends. And of course he breaks the camera and is too scared so he ropes Tee in to protect him

Guys maybe try taking the camera to a shop first, see how much a repair costs. Still might be a lost cause but better than just assuming you'll have to pay for an entirely new one

Fluke pfhdkfk the consumate bystander, he's bystandering so hard he jump scared Top lol. Interesting that he really hasn't talked much this whole flashback

Jin at least being a little smart and catching on that Tee is being suspicious.

Okay Fluke flipping Top off was great? But he's still not helping so still a dick

Oh no the heart person isn't there when Non needs him 💔

Oh shoot Non, please don't take that much. Sighs in relief

Aww Jin is trying to help but doesn't really get poverty huh

They're boxed in visually again but Non is sort of slipping out of the light

Oh, this time Non finally smiles for Jin. Are the feelings starting to shift on Non's end?

And we're back to feeling cornered.

Tee you realize that sounds as incredibly sketchy as it actually is

Is that a bruise or a birthmark on Tee's arm?

Well at least Tee isn't denying that it's not entirely legal, still lying about the risks though

Tee continues to be number 1 on my shit list, but Por and Top aren't far behind

#dff the series #dead friend forever #my posts #my reactions #dff episode 5

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viatagrinner · 1 year

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Gilbert's POV. Ch. 8: I want to tame/to discipline Miss Bunny.

TW: Description of the deaths of minor characters.

━━━━━━━༻❀✿❀༺━━━━━━━

I remembered something I didn't like.

Albert: Listen, Gil. I'm on your side no matter what .

Albert: I promise. I won't leave you alone. So...?

Gilbert: Really....?

Gilbert: Would you really say "Welcome home" to me if I came back from Rhodolite?

Albert: Oh, naturally. When you say, "Have a good day," you must always be greeted with a "welcome home".

There was a lot of blood in Obsidian Castle at that time.

The fierce struggle of the older brothers for the succession/emperor's throne was so cruel.

Everyone who is entitled to the throne kills everyone who gets in his way in order to gain absolute power in Obsidian.

Albert, who was three years older than me, was no stranger/unrelated to the story.

It was at this time that my mother and Albert unexpectedly suggested that I go to Rhodolite for treatment.

The poor prince, who was sickly and about to die before the succession battle, was sent out of the country in secret....

It could have been the farewell of a lifetime in a court where deaths occur every day.

Albert: It's all right, Gil. By the time you get back to this castle, hell will be over.

Albert: I will greet you with a smile, so get well soon.

Mother: I hope you make some friends along the way. Gil is often alone. //It would be nice if you could make some friends while you're at it. Gil is alone a lot.

Mother: In Rhodolite you can make friends without worrying about your status, right?

Mother: Friends are a good thing. I know there will be a lot of hard times and a lot of fun times ahead.

Mother: When you have someone to share with, your heart shines brighter every day.

Mother: But you're sweet/kind and smart, but you're afraid to make friends... Aren't you?

Gilbert: Because..... a kid who befriends me might get killed, no?

Albert: You make friends, you just have to protect them. Because Gil is talented, he can do that much.

Mother: Besides, one cannot live alone. We definitely need someone to share our worries and our joys with.

Mother: Right?

Gilbert: ....OK, I'll do my best.

Albert: This rule. Eat lots of good food. Your health depends on the food you eat.

Albert: You're too skinny. Eat more when you can eat, like I do.

Gilbert: If I do that, I wonder if I can become as strong as you, Albert.

Albert: Yes, you can. You can run every day.

Albert and my mother both smile as warmly as the sun.

So I, too, smiled.

Gilbert: I'll come back stronger.

Gilbert: See you later.

And when I returned after my recuperation period, Albert and my mother welcomed me back.

Headless, with their heads recently severed.

━━━━━━━༻❀✿❀༺━━━━━━━

Luke: Hey, what are you doing!

Luke's angry shouts push the memories of the past into the distance.

(...Oh, I just did it.)

Miss Bunny hit her back against the wall as she lunged, and I threw her off with force.

Even though it happened suddenly, I had forgotten how to adjust the force.

(But it can't be helped, can it?)

Gilbert: What, Miss Bunny was in the way.

Luke: There is a better way to protect her.

Gilbert: Protect? Why should I protect Miss Bunny, who got in my way by doing unnecessary things?

The lives of many of the people gathered at Clavis' secret evening changed on Bloodstained Rose Day.

I assumed in advance that some of them would hate Obsidian so much that they would want to bite me.

(But I never thought Miss Bunny would try to cover for me.)

(...I wonder why you're trying to hurt my prey.)

MC: Ha…. hah…

Miss Bunny repeatedly breathes painfully.

She didn't give up, as if throwing away unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings.

(Seemed to need discipline/taming here.)

*The sound of a cane* I approach, Luke protects Miss Bunny.

Luke: Stop, Gil!

Gilbert: ...Stand back.

Luke: I'll never back down!

Even Luke, who should be more accustomed to killing than Miss Bunny, could see a faint trace of sweat.

As I watched him embrace the trembling Miss Bunny, I was reminded once again that I am a big bad guy.

Luke: Why are you suddenly so angry?

Gilbert: I'm not angry. It was just an unpleasant decision/completion.

Gilbert: Or maybe I didn't notice as much.

I threw a glance at the man and the knife lying on the floor. To me, accustomed to combat, this weapon is of little importance, but to Miss Bunny it is dangerous.

Gilbert: Do you have something to say?

(I hope you realize what a foolish thing you've done.)

I bring the tip of my cane to her eyes.

The beast of trampling/conquest is such that its killing power alone can rob you of your words.

In spite of this, Miss Bunny breathes in full-throated air as if she is trying to resist and trying to get up.

(━━....... I think this is the first time I've ever gotten such a cheeky response in return to bloodlust.)

MC: .....If you refuse to engage in dialogue... that's what's going to happen.

MC: I don't think violence ....is justice...

MC: An effort must be made..... to fill any gap.

Gilbert: ......

MC: Only violence.......is what you’re good at.

MC: And that’s what..the beast truly does.

(........)

Gilbert: .....Huh?

(I see, so that's what you're thinking now.)

(It's an obvious answer, and frankly, I don't care.)

Miss Bunny shows no signs of remorse.

(I was hoping to hear her defense of her stupidity in "covering for me".)

In this state, I don't even know where to direct my bloodlust.

Luke: That's enough, Gil. You're on the side of the weak, aren't you?

Luke: What are you doing threatening MC?

Gilbert: ......

(Luke says so, but .....)

(...What if I hadn't reacted sooner and Miss Bunny got stabbed?)

━━━━━━━༻❀✿❀༺━━━━━━━

Again and again, and again, and again, I remember that scene in my dreams.

Albert and my mother were accused of giving their opinion to the emperor in order to stop the dispute over the succession to the throne.

I don't need to ask now why they tried to stop the conflict.

It was to protect the sickly prince.

It was a life that was lost to protect.

As with Miss Bunny's stupidity earlier, she does everything without being asked.

(It is impossible to forgive/allow.)

━━━━━━━༻❀✿❀༺━━━━━━━

Gilbert: ….Hmm, that’s right.

Nevertheless, the bloodlust was gone.

Any further pressure would cause breathing difficulties.

(....The bad guys don't need intervention.)

Gilbert: Of course, that wasn't like me.

Gilbert: Sorry, I got upset when Miss Bunny did that stupid thing, right?

(Don't betray me, even you, my "friend".)

(I'm the only one allowed to kill my prey [you].)

Even after my bloodlust had passed, Miss Bunny kept shaking. Luke picks her up, and she disappears from the hall.

I never once made eye contact with Miss Bunny during that time.

━━━━━━━༻❀✿❀༺━━━━━━━

Gilbert's Masterlist

#The trigger warning itself came out more than the trigger sentence itself. But I'll leave it at that #Poor Gil #ikepri spoilers #ikemen prince spoilers #ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen ouji #ikepri translation #ikemen gilbert #gilbert von obsidian #ikemen prince gilbert #ikepri gilbert #gilbert von obsidian masterlist #ikemen prince gilbert von obsidian

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pink-strawberry-kissess · 10 months

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do u have some hcs for when the twins are newborns? i imagine leon would be soo protective he would be scared to break them (im so normal about his big arms) so imagine tiny babies on his arms hejdbjejsjsjjdndj

AEON TWIN SUPREMACY

they'd be so tiny, i still don't really know if i'd have it so that ada has a perfectly good pregnancy or not, especially since i'd hc that she's in her early 40s so i wonder if like- it'd be also harder since it would be twins (also we can assume she's pretty healthy??? she flipping around a lot during re6 lol)

i don't wanna get into the pregnancy part for rn so i'll talk about after they're born

but they'd be so tiny!!!! i dunno why but ada is also kinda thin, i can't imagine her getting HUGE HUGE lol

i think about ada holding one, leon holding the other after she's had them and they're just in awe of how small they are. they can almost immediately tell them apart (leon will get confused if he's really tired though)

one is kinda fussy and the other isn't haha

leon has the fussy one and she's just kinda pouty sometimes

he would jokingly say he can carry both of them in his arms and he can technically but he wouldn't just on the off chance something goes wrong T_T

LEON WITH A DUEl CARRIER ON HIS CHEST AND HIS BACK WITH THE TWO BABIES I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS

when they're a bit bigger he'd let them hang off of his arms hehe, and ada would just be like, "be careful with the girls leon," just kinda rolling her eyes but the girls are so giggly playing with daddy hehe

they love leon playing with their hair but ultimately mommy has to do their hair cause she does it better

whenever he's holding them he just feels how small they are and how fragile, he just wants to protect them. he feels better if they fall asleep on his chest. he barely wants to leave them and starts to realize that one day he'd have to let them have some space when they grow up

leon is SUCH A GIRL DAD

he'd love spending time with them and having tea parties and just letting them get paint and glitter and stuff on him lol

i think that he might be strict SOMETIMES but that's when they're older.

he would want them to grow up not spoiled in a sense and want them to still do chores and stuff around the house

feel like leon would be best dad but he would also be worried that he wouldn't be doing a good job sometimes

god i really do go all over the place i started talking about them as they're older lol

uh anyways

yes when they're small, he would just kinda need reassurance that he's doing good or not. sometimes they would just be crying incessantly and he just can't get them down for a nap or something

ada would help, she suffers with it too- thinking that she's not doing a good job as a mother but she tries her best. they both do but they suffer with thinking that they're just fucking up

they both (i think canonically) didn't have good childhoods so i can see them struggling to understand what it's like to have a good healthy household.

they just want their babies to be okay :(((

leon does a lot of the stuff with the babies

changing them, feeding them, playing with them

i see ada probably being okay with breastfeeding and feels a bit emotional about it cause she wasn't expecting to have leon's babies. so to have them in her arms makes her extremely emotional

ada does a lot of the dressing them up, bathing them, getting them to bed

they always read to them at the end of the night no matter what

they also have bear toys!!!

YES

they take shifts a lot to take care of them but also spend time together taking care of them because it's easier that way

they didn't expect the babies let alone twins, so it was very overwhelming at first

when they can have more foods, leon's eager to get them to try different foods like banana or blueberries. they love how they react to the foods hehe

HELENA CAN NOT TELL THEM APART

HELL YEAH AUNTIE HELENA IS HERE

she has trouble if they don't have differing bows or outfits, but when they get older she can tell them apart better.

they both are just cute little copies of ada lol

i know genetics can lead to aeon babies having the recessive gene, but i just don't headcanon them to be extremely blonde. maybe slightly brown hair but that's it. it's just unlikely for them to have a blonde hair blued eyed baby (but if you headcanon that, that's fine) for me i just don't see it

BUT ALSO I'M A SUCKER FOR ONE BLUE EYED AEON BABY, and then the other slightly lighter hair tone

but also for this they can not be identical, which i never really headcanoned tbh. i always thought of them to be fraternal twins

I ADD MORE LATER

#ask heart #heart answers #anon #ada wong #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #aeon #leon x ada #leon kennedy x ada wong #leon s kennedy x ada wong #aeon twins #aeon twins headcanons #aeon headcanons #aeon parents headcanons

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tanmono · 11 months

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GILBERT VON OBSIDIAN MAIN ROUTE....

CHAPTER EIGHT, HIS SIDE STORY.

I want to discipline the little rabbit.

translations are not 100% accurate. expect mistakes.

minors and ageless blogs dni.

━━FLASHBACK━━

I remembered something I didn't like.

Albert: Listen, Gil. I'm on your side no matter what.

Albert: I promise. I won't leave you alone…..okay?

Gilbert: Really….?

Gilbert: Would you really say "welcome home" to me if I came back from Rhodolite?

Albert: Yes, naturally. When you say, "see you later", then I must always greet you with a "welcome home".

There was a lot of bloodshed at the Obsidian Castle back then.

The fierce competition between the brothers for succession was that severe.

Anyone who has the right to inherit the throne kills those who stand in their way in order to gain absolute power of obsidian.

Albert, who is three years older than me, had nothing to do with it.

In the midst of this, my mother and Albert suddenly suggested I should go to Rhodolite for medical treatment.

The poor prince, who was dying of illness before the struggle for succession, was secretly sent abroad——

It could have been the farewell of a lifetime in a court where deaths occurred daily.

Albert: It's okay, Gil. Hell will be over by the time you come back to this castle.

Albert: I'll welcome you with a smile, so get yourself well soon.

Mother: I hope you can make friends as well. Gil is often alone…..

Mother: In Rhodolite, who knows, you might even make friends without worrying about your status/identity, right?

Mother: Friends are good. I'm sure there will be a lot of hard times and a lot of fun times ahead.

Mother: When you have someone to share them with, your heart shines brighter every day.

Mother: But you're a sweet, and kind boy, you're afraid to make friends….aren't you?

Gilbert: Yeah….because the children I get along with might get killed, right?

Albert: Even if you make friends, you should protect them. Gil is talented, so you can do that much.

Mother: Besides, one cannot live alone. We definitely need someone to share our worries and our joys with.

Mother: Isn’t…it?

Gilbert:….Okay, I'll do my best.

Albert: Great job. Also, eat lots of good food. Your health depends on the food you eat.

Albert: You eat too little. Eat as much as you can, just like me.

Gilbert: Then maybe I can be as sturdy as Albert.

Albert: Yes, you can. You will be able to run around every day.

Both Albert and my mother smiled warmly like the sun.

So I, too, smiled and laughed.

Gilbert: I'll come back stronger.

Gilbert: See you later.

And when I came back from the medical treatment —— Albert and my mother welcomed me.

In freshly severed heads.

━━FLASHBACK ENDS━━

Luke: Hey, what were you doing?!

Luke's angry shouts push memories of the past far away.

(——Oh, I just did it.)

The little rabbit, who had slammed her back against the wall when she was thrown off, was coughing violently.

Even though it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, I had forgotten how to use force.

(But it can't be helped.)

Gilbert: What, little rabbit was in the way.

Luke: You know how to protect her a little better than that!

Gilbert: Protect? Why should I protect the little rabbit who tried to drag me down by doing something unnecessary?

Many of the people who gather at Clavis’ secret evening party are those whose lives have changed after the bloodstained rose day.

I assumed in advance that some of them hate Obsidian so badly that they would bite me.

(But I never thought the little rabbit would try to protect me.)

(….I wonder what kind of prey she is trying to hurt herself.)

Emma: Ha….hah…

The little rabbit repeats a painful breathing.

I didn't take it easy on her, as if I were trying to hit her with some unpleasant, uncomfortable emotion.

(Apparently, she needs to be disciplined.)

As I approached with a clunk sound of my cane on the floor, Luke defended the little rabbit.

Luke: Stop it, Gil!

Gilbert:…..Stand back.

Luke: I will never stand down!

Even Luke, who should be more accustomed to killing than little rabbit, is sweating a little.

Seeing him hugging the trembling little rabbit reminded me once again that I am a big villain.

Luke: Why are you so angry all of a sudden?

Gilbert: I wasn't angry. I was just feeling unpleasant.

Gilbert: How could I not have noticed that much?

I glance at the man and the knife lying on the floor.

For me, who was accustomed to combat, the weapon was no big deal, but for the little rabbit, it was different.

Gilbert: Do you have something to say?

(I hope you realize that you have done something stupid.)

The tip of the cane is pointed in front of her and she stares at it.

The trampling beast is an existence that can steal words with its murderous intent alone.

Even so, the little rabbit took a deep breath as if resisting and glared back at me.

(——…..It may be the first time I've received such a cheeky reaction with a murderous intent.)

Emma:….If you give up on the communication...this is what happens.

Emma: I don't think…..violence is justice...

Emma: No matter how many gaps….there are....we should try to bridge it.

Gilbert:……..

Emma: Only violence.......is what you’re good at….

Emma: And that’s what…the beast truly does.

(……)

Gilbert:…Hmm?

(I see......so that's what you're thinking now.)

(It's an obvious answer, and frankly I don't care.)

The little rabbit shows no signs of remorse.

(I wanted to hear an excuse for the folly of "protecting me".)

In this state, I don't even know where to direct my bloodlust.

Luke: That's enough, Gil. You're on their side, aren't you?

Luke: What you’re doing right now is threatening Emma.

Gilbert:……

(Luke says so, but...)

(….What if I couldn't react earlier and the little rabbit was stabbed with a knife?)

━━FLASHBACK━━

Again and again, and again, and again, I remember that scene in my dreams.

Albert and my mother were accused of giving their opinion to the emperor in order to stop the dispute over the succession to the throne.

I don't need to ask now why they tried to stop the conflict.

It was to protect the sickly prince.

It was a life that was lost to protect.

As with the little rabbit's stupidity earlier, she does everything without being asked.

(It is impossible to forgive.)

━━FLASHBACK ENDS━━

Gilbert:….Hehe, that’s right.

Still, the bloodlust/murderous intent disappeared.

Any further pressure would cause breathing difficulties.

(....The bad villain doesn't need intervention.)

Gilbert: It certainly didn't feel like me.

Gilbert: I'm sorry, I got upset when little rabbit did something so stupid.

(Don't ever betray me, even you, my "friend".)

(I'm the only one allowed to kill my prey.) // (I'm the only one allowed to kill you.)

Even after my bloodlust had passed, the little rabbit kept trembling. Luke picks her up, and she disappears from the hall.

I never once made eye contact with the little rabbit during that time.

▸ [ previous / next ]

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen ouji #ikemen prince spoilers #ikepri jp #ikemen gilbert #gilbert von obsidian #ikepri gilbert #ikepri translations #ikemen series #cybird

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somnianyx · 2 years

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Gender Neutral Reader || Soulmate Au || Angst?

Tattoos: matching tattoos with your soulmate - Lilia

Some destiny are just meant to be. Warning: Death, strangulation.

In a world full of soulmates, its not uncommon to find out that your enemy is your soulmate. In fact, its quite common as 25% of the world population went through it.

You loved hearing their experiences, wondering if one day you could experience such romantic story with your soulmate too.

Unfortunately, you had to let the thought go. Your tattoo is not one that could potentially have your soulmate be your rival. It was a heart shape love tattoo and even though you love it, you can't help feeling a little dissapointed.

"(Y/N)!" Startled, you looked towards the voice calling you to see your best friend waving at you. "Why are you still sitting around?! I told you we have to meet up with the others!" They scolded you, motioning for you to come.

"Coming!" You packed up your stuff and went out the door of your beloved house. You can't wait to see them!

As you walked towards the meeting place, you were happily reminiscent of the fun time your adventures had been. Until you spotted his black hair and immediately ran to try and jump on him.

Unfortunately, Lilia is ruthless and once again you met face to face with the floor. He chuckled at your antics, "Oh sweetie, give up already. You will never surprise me. My sense of danger is very good."

You sat up, pouting a little. "Why can't you just let me surprise you for once! You're so mean." He held out his hand, blessing you with that benevolent smile of his. You can't help but feel butterflies looking at him.

"Well, it's not fun if I just let you do whatever you want right? Fufufu~" He let out that weird chuckle of his as he assisted you up, dusting your clothes for you.

You giggled at his action, earning a raised eyebrow. "What's so funny?" "Oh nothing, just thinking that despite your young appearance, you act like an old man!"

Lilia shook his head at your statement, "Have you never heard of the saying 'Don't judge a book by its cover'? Who knows if I'm actually older than my appearance" He snickered.

You giggled, "I'll be so surprised if you're over 35! How could you even maintain such a youthful appearance? Even magic can't win against ageing for humans!"

Before Lilia could retort back, he was interrupted by his companion. "C'mon guys! We don't have enough time before the sun rises!"

Looking at each other, you grinned at him. "First one to reach Joseph gets the loser's dinner!" You yelled and immediately took off towards your group.

Spending time with Lilia was a lot of fun. Turns out he knows a lot about history and would often tell you the stories behind each ruin you encountered. You weren't a big fan of history but watching his face lit up telling you all about it makes you feel warm inside.

Each day with him makes you feel as if you're the luckiest person on earth. Slowly, you begin to develop feelings for him. You tried your best to stop yourself as you knew it wouldn't end well but...

Reaching a meadow, you began admiring the beautiful sunset appearing from the hills. "Woah! Look at all those colours, I know we could see them everyday but they look much more cooler from here! Right Lilia?"

As you turned around to face them, fear struck you. Josephine's hand could be seen around your best friend's neck, visibly strangling them. They tried to struggle but eventually fell limp.

As you tried to process what the fuck just happened, both sibling left you and Lilia alone. You looked at him, trying to find some sort of explanation only to be greeted by his cold eyes. The eyes that was once full of emotions is now dull and empty.

"L-Lilia, what the fuck is going on?!" Your voice trembled, you couldn't believe that the man you love will eventually be the death of you.

"Oh (Y/N)... I'm so sorry... but it had to be done. After all, murderers don't deserve to live." Without any hesitation, he plunged his summoned sword into your heart.

You coughed up some blood, "M-murderer? W-wha what are you talking about?" It starting to hurt to even talk. He pulled you closer and whispered in your ears.

"Don't act dumb, (Y/N). Don't you remember what you did 10 years ago?" War flashback started playing in your head, it was also a major part of your life as killing all those faes was the only way to live.

"Y-you- you were-" "That's right, I am also a fae and those people you brutally murdered were all of my fucking friends. It hurts doesn't it? To see your friend die brutally? I'm most certain that seeing it being done by a close friend hurts even more."

Your conciousness began fading in and out, you desperately wanted to see the kind of face he was making before death. As you slowly started to close your eyes, you noticed his soulmate tattoo on his neck and whispered the words that will be engraved in his mind.

"I'm so happy that you're my soulmate..."

The week after your death was devastating, he kept thinking about your last words. Nightmares keep visiting him every night. He could barely sleep a wink without being haunted by your appearance. Missing you was the last thing he wanted.

As he sat up from his bed, he wiped away the cold sweats that appeared. He isn't going to let you ruin a joyous day like today. The day that he will be bestowed the title of Phantom Commander for defeating faes biggest enemy.

Slowly dragging himself towards the mirror, he scanned his appearance. Black hair all messy, heavy eyebags visible and he looked so skinny as if he didn't eat well.

Lilia curse at himself for letting an enemy make him feel this way. Your death shouldn't have impacted him too much yet he keeps missing you. Missing your laugh, your touch, your smile, the way you always tell him that he should dye his hair pink. Everything about you is making him go crazy.

He search for the tattoo on his neck, realizing that it was gone. He unbuttoned his shirt and instead of being greeted by the usual sword tattoo. It was now stabbing a heart and it moved towards his chest.

Confusion formed in his expression before realization hit him. Your words...

"I'm so happy that you're my soulmate..."

Ngl, I actually gave up like halfway through writing this💀💀. I no longer have interest in Twisted Wonderland. It was a good phase but I quit like almost a month and a half ago.

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animehouse-moe · 7 months

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I'm terrible with timeliness and acknowledging things, but I hit 300 followers on Tumblr a couple of days ago now, which I thought was pretty cool. The conditioned response is a "thank you", but that doesn't feel right (and not in a selfish way, at least I believe). It's really cool that 300 people actually follow me and this account on a platform as I talk about anime and manga and whatnot, but it's one of those things where the longer I think about it the more I wonder as to why.

It's not like I offer anything unique with my stuff. I don't post art or fanfictions or anything that I can say is my creativity alone. As far as I see it, I'm just a crazy person scribbling away at a wall in an empty and white room. But I also don't really make any attempts to humanize myself in a lot of what I share, mostly because I struggle with riding the line between getting my point across effectively and in a meaningful fashion, and sounding like a person instead of an AI-generated response.

So maybe I should try a little to express myself some more, starting now.

I never intended to ever make something like this, nor do a lot of people. I was a university student over 2 years ago now that wanted to work on a project, but I needed a direction, a purpose. I deeply struggle with creation without reason, so I tried to find a way to drop a carrot in front of my face to encourage progress. A blog website is a very simple and easy thing to build to fill out your project portfolio, so I thought on what I'd be interested in making it for. Cars? Cool, but too costly to really do much of anything with. Computer hardware? Similar struggle. At that time, "Anime" came to mind as a cheap and accessible focus thanks to my increased watch time of media due to covid, so I ran with it.

I would just build fake or temporary blog posts to fill out the site and test it. Then I thought, if I'm going to have a blog site I should probably make a Twitter account for it as well. Oh, I should probably do this too, and that also. And so I accidentally made an entire platform based off an idea for a programming project. After about a year I abandoned the blog website because the project was "complete" and it's not like I was getting much traffic to it. But I kept the Twitter going, and going. And then one day I ended up here, and just kept going until I reached this follower count. It's weird to think about, in a sense. I never intended this for last, but it won't let go of me. It's even weirder because in all of my life I've never really been one to do anything like this before.

That's about it for the history though, I should probably add some details to the present.

As I write this I'm listening to a playlist of my favorite Nine Inch Nails songs. I'm a really big fan of their earlier work from albums like The Downward Spiral, that Industrial Rock sound is just so satisfying to me. But I'm also a bit of a music whore myself. When I say "everything except Country" I really mean it. Everything under the sun aside from Country music I'm cool with, but no matter how many phases I go through in terms of genres, I'll always gravitate towards the older music I used to listen on the radio to in my dad's car as we traveled for sports tournaments when I was younger. Foo Fighters, Muse, Soundgarden, Rage Against The Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, all the great bands of the early 2000s.

I also really do love art books. I'm terrible at art though I've never seriously tried, no matter how many times I tell myself I will. It does make me feel like an asshole though when I comment on art when I have no talent. It makes me feel unqualified to offer input on it, and makes me painfully aware of how shallow my analysis can be in comparison to what actually knowledgeable people can provide. I feel very similar with how I talk about anime. I refuse to view my words as an end all be all to any of the creative aspects because I've never even tried to what some of these authors/staff members have. But just like the couch potato dad will critique all the star athletes making hundreds of thousands a game, I'll sit myself down at my desk and belt out my complaints with very little reservation. A very hypocritical activity.

Sometimes I struggle with a healthy relationship between myself and this account. I think it's important to view them as two separate things for sanity's sake as well as to stave off an inflating ego, but it doesn't always happen. There's days I feel guilty for not saying something, for not making use of the platform I've created. I can feel a need to post, to be productive and compare myself to actual content creators despite my adamant declaration that I'm not one. It's a silly thing, but the internet and social media can be a terrible place that inspires people to desperation, to a deep desire for validation and popularity and that the numbers that you can see matter a great deal. It's not really fun.

Despite my (self proclaimed) "knowledge" of social media and the spheres of it that I engage with, I'm pretty terrible with outreach. Someone asking questions or challenging a point that I've written are things I can do very naturally, but genuine outreach and interaction is something that I struggle with. Should I do a giveaway? What's the best way to do it to make sure it goes to someone that deserves it? How should I go about finding similar accounts to interact or collaborate with? Is it okay if I reply to this post or ask a question? Truthfully, I might go as far as to say that I'm socially inept in regards to social media. It's a wave that I struggle to ride despite my reliance on it in several ways. But it's something I'm at least trying to stick with, so if there's any accounts similar to mine or anybody reading this thinks I'd be interesting in, tell me about them. Yes, a pathetically lazy request to make, but I just find myself intensely apathetic to a lot of the forced nature of social media.

But I'm still here, for whatever reason that may be. And I like talking about anime, manga, and all sorts of other similar things, for whatever reason that may be. And people follow me and like my posts, for whatever reason that may be.

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cr1mson5returns · 9 months

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Personal under the cut. I'm just feeling many Things.

I had an appointment today at a charity/non-profit health clinic. I've been struggling to get my medical and psychiatric needs met for several months, since I'm currently uninsured. Since it was my first appointment there, I had to fill out some new patient paperwork - demographic information and contact information, the works, including an emergency contact.

And I hesitated, because...traditionally I've always put my dad in that space as my emergency contact. When I was a kid, he traveled a lot for work, and so it was smarter to put down my mom because she was more likely to be in town. But as I got older, I started putting down my dad, because he was more likely to have a level head about the situation, especially if it was anything self-inflicted. But today, sitting in that clinic, I couldn't bring myself to put down my dad's information. I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea. So I put in a friend's instead, even though I hadn't asked him beforehand if I could, because he's one of the few people I have local anymore who could reasonably show up in case of an emergency.

I'll concede that if it was life or death and truly very serious, I'd at least want my parents to know where I was, if not what happened to me. But anything less than "your daughter will literally die in 24 hours or less" I don't really want them to know about. I stopped allowing them access to my medical records when I moved out, because things had gotten so toxic as a result of me coming out. I didn't want them to have information they could potentially use against me. I just didn't have the strength to unpack that revelation back then.

It felt really strange to make that choice after so long of hearing "they're your parents, they deserve to know" on loop in my head. But the reality is that biological proximity to me doesn't mean they deserve anything from me. Not after the way they treated me, not after everything that happened to me. I didn't want my dad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding in 2020 because I felt like he would do it out of a sense of obligation, not because he loved me. I disinvited them because of how awful they were about everything leading up to the wedding. When I found out a relative had given them the livestream link, I was outraged. I hadn't wanted them to have access to that moment they didn't really care about. That they never even publicly acknowledged after it happened.

There's a part of me that feels like I'm giving up on my family by maintaining this no-contact state of being. Many different people have emphasized their feeling that I should be open to the idea of reinstating contact one day. But the thing is...I don't think my family deserves it. I don't think it'll ever be worth the anxiety of wondering if they've really changed, or the anticipation of the terrible treatment happening again. I don't think I could handle the idea that I'd fold back in just to have to exit once more. I can't imagine a world where they're willing to change their behavior. They loved the idea of who I was more than who I actually was, let alone who I am now. Sometimes I'm crippled with this fear that they'll mail me something to my old address, and it'll get forwarded to where I currently live. But then I remember that they never recalled my address the same way they did my oldest sister's, and they'd have to actually miss me to mail me something. Even if they did mail me something, I'd probably just throw it away. I can't hurt myself like that anymore. I can't go back to those places and mental spaces and all the things that kept me under that abuse for years.

Still, there's a part of me that craves that chaotic feeling of wondering if I'll ever be good enough for them, so I might as well try again because it might change this time! They might actually love me and be proud of me for who I am this time! But it never changes. I was always hurting myself with those efforts. It has to stop. Even when it's new and scary.

So I have a new emergency contact for the first time in my life.

#cr1mson talks life #emotional breakdown blogging #trauma recovery #emotional abuse

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dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3 · 4 months

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This is for the end of year writer fanfic thing! Sorry I do have a few of them, but 10, 16, 24, 35 if you wouldn’t mind awnsering them :)

Oooh, thanks!! And no worries about having a few, I love answering these things, ha. ^-^

I'll put the answers in a read-more since I always write way too much in response to these, ha.

Fanfic Writer End of Year Ask Game

10. What character did you fall in love with this year?

Hmmm... It's hard to say, since most of the media I've consumed this year are continuations of previous series I already loved, so I've not really "fallen" in love with any character I don't think. However! I did gain a much deeper appreciation of Bowser as a character thanks to the movie. I had never thought of him much before, but now I think he's a cool character, ha. I also fell back in love with Loki. I always had a soft spot for Loki, especially after Dark World (which, ironically, was my first Thor movie. I'd seen Avengers before it so I knew the characters, but I'd refused to see Thor with my brother and dad when it came out when I was... 13 I think?), but it wanes whenever Loki media dries up. But season 2 of Loki reignited my love of the character and I hope that he comes back again in a later film. <3

16. What ship stole your heart this year?

Hmmm I also had a few here... Bowuigi is one. BlackBonnet (Blackbeard/Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet from Our Flag Means Death) is another big one. I forget the ship name, but Geralt and Jaskier from The Witcher, to a lesser degree. Currently it's Loki and Mobius from Loki, since they are just so cute together in season 2, it's honestly adorable.

24. Is there a fic you wish you hadn't posted?

Hmm... no, I don't think so! I have a love for all of my fics, even the ones that make me cringe in retrospect. It's why I still keep my old FF . net account around and don't delete my old fics (though I will never link anyone to it!! The writing on the older fics is definitely a product of my age at the time). Part of me wonders if I shouldn't have posted my Bowuigi fic, Luigi and the Beast, since I don't think I'll ever finish it, but I don't regret posting it. Even if I never finish, a lot of people liked it, so it has value for that alone.

35. What words of advice do you have for yourself and other writers?

Honestly? Just write. Write how YOU want to write, not how you think other people want you to write. I always compare my writing to other people's and it is draining to see my writing style after comparing it to others, since mine is very different to what I usually see. I add a lot of introspection and emotion into my fics, since that's what personally interests me, and I always get concerned that people won't like it, or it's not mainstream enough, or whatever. Especially since I write like I think, which includes lots of pauses and emphasis on certain words, which comes across as a lot of... ellipses... and an overabundance of italics that I can't help but notice. Plus, I reuse words and phrases a lot. But honestly? People still like my writing despite it. Hell, some might like it because of it. I've gotten a lot of people who compliment my writing style and say I'm a really good writer, and while I struggle to see myself in that way, it does show that people will like what you do even if you sometimes don't. As long as you are enjoying the writing process and you want to write it, write it. I've tried to censor myself with writing, not using as many ellipses and italics, and you know what? I hated it. It didn't feel authentically me and it made writing a drag sometimes. Once I let go and did whatever, writing was a lot more fun and engaging to me. Is the writing perfect? Hell no. Is the writing uniquely mine and something I wanted to write? Hell yes.

Anyway, thanks for the ask!! I always love answering these things, so thanks for sending some in. :-D

#ask answers #personal post #ask game

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marinaers · 6 months

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@sentinaels : tell me more about pradeep and ann chief

thank u thank u i never want to shut up abt them actually but i'm gonna have to pick the highlights or i'll be here all night

they are best friends. i said this in their intro post but i'll say it again. best! friends!

it's hilarious that ann and ravi dislike each other so much because they are the same person in different fonts. pradeep befriended both of them for the same reason and they would both have an aneurysm if he told them that.

the reason being that he saw two people who would fully rather die than admit to having An Emotion, lonely and homesick and missing the people they love, and dealing with it by isolating themselves and being insufferable, and decided someone had to do something about it.

pradeep is the youngest of three ( an older brother and sister ) and ann is the oldest of five ( four sisters ).

pradeep loves his siblings very much, but he'd be lying if he said part of the appeal of the job wasn't getting out from under their shadow a little. he may not be the first one to get a phd ( his brother, archaeology of the lunar colonies ) or to leave their home planet ( his sister, political correspondent for an up-and-coming martian news site ), but he's damn well gonna be the first one to travel beyond the known galaxies and document the microbiology of previously-unexplored planets. not that he's competing.

ann and her sisters were brought up by their grandparents. by the time she leaves, her grandfather's been dead for a few years and her grandma is already very old; it's a very real concern for ann whether her grandma will still be alive when she gets back, especially since nobody can contact her during the mission.

ann's little slice of life vlogs for her sisters? pradeep is usually the cameraman.

never mind your watch, you can set the ship's entire calendar by pradeep mishra. he knows the major holidays people are likely to celebrate and makes sure they're always observed — decorations, food, music, whatever it calls for — but he also finds out the little things that are important to people, too. lesser-known holidays, cultural traditions, variations that spread among human planetary colonies. he believes everyone should have some connection to home if they want it.

pradeep vc: i would follow ravi into hell i just wish he'd stop going there

ann's role as a paramedic means she gets to go planetside a lot in case anything goes wrong on expeditions, and it's unequivocally her favourite part of the job. sometimes someone will get hurt, but often it's just research teams collecting data and she gets to chill. take photos of the places they explore. record some more vidoes to take home. sit there and experience the wonder of being on a planet so far from home they don't even know its name. she fucking loves it.

i repeat: they're best friends and they love each other SO much.

team karaoke nights? the two of them always duet.

look, was ann wrong to be concerned about pradeep falling for ravi? not really, she loves her friend and doesn't want to see him get hurt by someone who's seemingly made it their mission to ruin any ounce of good will extended to them. but pradeep is very capable of taking care of himself, more than people would assume from how chill and nice he is usually. he will not take anyone's shit, he won't let himself be treated like shit, and he's not afraid to be vocal about it.

even though pradeep and ravi were kind of, sort of, together, if things in general hadn't gone so horrifically wrong, i think pradeep would have broken things off. not in a forever way, but in a find me when you're really ready for this because i deserve better rn way.

ann farthing vs the utter inability to truly leave someone alone when they're struggling because she's a GOOD PERSON and she was RAISED BETTER THAN THAT but jesus christ some people test her patience and she can hold a grudge like nobody's business so yes she once spent twenty minutes muttering angrily to herself in the kitchen at 2 am ship time as she made a grilled cheese ( it didn't take that long but she needed the extra time to finish her angry little soliloquy ) so she could bring it to ravi because nobody should be crying alone in a deserted common area in the middle of the night. but she's gotta keep some sense of normalcy so she also flipped him the bird on her way out.

insatiable gossips. both of them.

when everyone is dead, and ravi finally brings himself to move the bodies so they're not just sitting where they died, he puts the two of them next to each other.

#sentinaels #answered.#re : pradeep mishra.#re : ann farthing.#love that i was like i'm gonna give u the highlights #then wrote such a long post it had to go under a read more #i have even more to say i had to stop myself!!!

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theendlessrambles · 11 months

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6/27/23

Life for me is still content. My biggest complaint is an auto shop overfilled my tires and popped on the highway in a construction zone. I got a new tire for 67 dollars but needed a new rim. Then ended up needed to get all new tires, they were older tires and then over filled with tire pressure costing me over 800 dollars after spending 400 dollars on the car already. That's about a paycheck and a half for me.Thankfully my partner was there with me to calme.me down as we waited three hours in the middle of nowhere for a tow and then be told he'd be back later since he did not have room for both of us to be taken to the shop and we had to call my partners mother who thankfully just got out of work. My phone is also badly damaged and I'm in desperate need of a new one and due to the car am having to hold of awhile longer rather than sooner.

Besides that I still have my adoring partner, a wonderful roommate, a cat, and a dog. Sunday we got more free groceries from my roommates family and were very thankful for that and my boyfriends mother always gives me eggs her chickens produce. With out the help i don't know how well we could stick our pantry and fridge I'm very grateful for them. I have a vacation coming up in July with my partner at cedar point in a cabin we rented alone. Then after my vacation I will attend another parade with my friend in a pirate charity group. Their father, who was the captain, recently passed away and they are continuing his work as the new captain. This parade will be in my home town and I am excited to see my family and friends there. My relationships with those around me are well, even my mother and I have bonded more especially with a kitten she's adopted that doesn't have a tail.

Though my relationship are they also have their struggles. My roommate still is looking for a new job and worried about driving. Their lack of transportation has been stressful on both of us. I told her when I finally save up for a new car, after getting a new phone, I would sell her the one I currently have if its still in good (and by good still safe and running) condition. Her place of work, where I used to work and my pirate friend works, is now open to 12 am and she gets home at 1am or later. I often have to pick her up which is also hard for both of us. My next closest friend is helping out her mother. Her mother's boyfriend/father of her child overdosed and they kicked him out of the house. It's a stressful situation. She is trying to get into trade school, but she is vocal about how nerve-wracking it is for her. My pirate friend is trying out the dating scene and has been quite lonely with her mother gone often with her new job running tour/party buses. The other night we went to the bar at Applebee's after spending a day on the beach. We were bought drinks and it was fun, however their was a drunk and sexist man who wouldn't leave us alone and hugged on us a couple times. She seemed okay and I handled him well, but that part was still unfortunate. My partner also struggles. He hit a deer on his way to see me two months ago and his car is still in the shop. He borrowed his oldest brother's car since he was jobless, but his older brother took his car back to Door Dash due to family pressures and needing to pay his medical bills. His car should be back this week and he is relieved about that.

I did change jobs as of last week. I moved up into a CMH building in a poorer county. I get paid less but there's health insurance, pto, paid holiday, and a union, which makes up the difference. I would of had my RBT, but due to how awful online testing is with their anti heating system I was disqualified when my face became out of view when asked to show what was in the background. So I'll have to take it again.

There are some concerns with my coworkers. They are wonderful techs and has nothing to do with their work with the children, but their standpoints. Even though it is a mental health there has been racist and transphobic comments from half of the techs. One of the techs also admitted to violently robbing hookers as a teenager. This shocked me especially since she is newly a mother. The comments however I am not surprised about since it's a poorer rural area and I have seen dozens of trump stickers on staff members cars. Even things on the road made me realize how rural the area is such as a diy wooden nativity scene with signs saying "FEAR NOT GOD" and "REPENT WHILE THERE IS TIME". I also am not a big fan of the puzzle pieces in the shirts and cubicles on staff when it comes to autism awareness, but most autism centers have puzzle pieces so I am not upset, but rather uncomfortable with it. The company autism speaks, which uses the puzzle piece, has many faults and often covers up the voices of autistic individuals rather than lift them up. I prefer the rainbow infinity symbol made by the autistic community. I find it hard to by myself there.

My supervisor assigned me a mentor. I would be job shadowing but due to subbing in the building for half a year I do not need to job shadow. My mentor in this case is someone to go to for questions, which I tend to ask the first person I see truthfully. My supervisor picked the newly mom who used to violently rob hookers. She said she needs to soften up and I need to toughen up. So far it's gone well, but we don't speak often. I do think she is a wonderful tech and that there is much I could learn from her.

National news is all over. Trumps next trial is in December and he is running. His old vice president he almost let get killed is also running so that should be interesting. I like this one women who is running named Marianne Williamson. She seems to be quite honest about what is going on in the country especially after the pandemic. I am still nervous about all candidates even her. I don't trust our system and I don't believe capitalism and democracy work together. Greed tends to overpower freedom. Whatever freedom means now a days.

There were also some multimillionaires who died in a submarine on their way to the titanic. We all joked about them online and I am guilty of this. The submarine was poorly built and for the trip cost them about an iced Starbucks coffee to us. Lots of tax payer money was spent finding the already dead millionaire as they let immigrant boats sink killing thousands. So there were more laugh than tears for the rich. I do feel bad for the child, 19, on board.

Russia has a coup that was stopped in a day, however it shows the Russian citizens and even military grows tired of the war in Ukraine. It may even spark or already has sparked a civil war.

Pride has not been fun this year I did not do much for it as I wanted to. In fact a national emergency has been called for LGBTQIA members. It makes me nervous, I know I have a male partner at this time which keeps me more safe but I am still afraid. Two women who kissed each other were arrested since a child has seen it. They are now considered sex offenders and in one state that crime is punishable by death. They are finding ways to kill us. Trans have it the worst and our country is committing genocide against them it's no secret. Again even at work the hatred of trans are spoken of. I have friends who are trans and I worry for them. It really is a national emergency.

I think that sums up the last few months. It's almost 4am here now. I fell asleep around 8pm and woke up when my roommate came home. I had an apple took my medicine and began to write all this down. I will likely write again in a few months.

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thedeviljudges · 1 year

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I don't want to be invasive, but I saw your tags and wanted to tell you, that I'm honestly feeling the same way as you. I turned 26 recently, so I'm still in my 20s, but the way things are, I'm feeling like I already reached my expiration date. I never was in a relationship, haven't had my first kiss or even a date yet, and to my knowledge noone my age was ever interested in me. All my friends are in relationships, and I'm happy for them, but it only makes me feel more grotesque. I was always the fat friend, but nowadays I feel like a side character in my own life. I'm just there to further their's, and go to school. That's it. I'm sorry you also feel like this. You don't have to respond, it's a very personal struggle, I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone, even though it feels like it.

finally getting the chance to answer this bc 1. been busy but 2. had to find it in me to do so without crying because it's so familiar.

you're definitely not being invasive. in fact, i really appreciate this ask more than you know because it's incredibly relatable. i find that very, very few truly understand this experience.

most people by now have had these experiences in their formative years, but when you spend yours being the outcast and fat/ugly one, it really shapes you differently. it doesn't help that as you get older and those things still don't happen for you, you feel even more fucked up and ugly - and it's gotta be true, right? common denominator says so.

it's also hard because i know exactly what you mean about being the side character - i still navigate being in a room full of people but knowing that everyone is outright ignoring me or avoiding me. there's this awful experience where you watch everyone be so kind and interactive with your friends, and you're just there tagging along like the fly on the wall.

i'm happy for my friends, too, but it's also so hard to witness. i have to keep myself from thinking about it or else i'll end up crying. what i would give to experience just a fraction of what they've all known for years now. i've never wanted to be overly pretty, but i do wish, every single day, i could be thin and worth someone's kindness.

it's also hard to talk about it because it's so shameful. like not only is it embarrassing being a monster, but the evasiveness you have to play because you don't want to talk about these things to others because they wouldn't get it is also frustrating. the judgment is so real that i've even lied about have a bf when someone asked a question. i genuinely cannot face people's reactions if i were to ever admit that no one has ever been interested in me.

i'm sorry you've been going through this, too. it's something i don't wish anyone to ever experience. it's so lonely and no one truly gets what it means to be unloveable.

just from this ask alone, i think you'd be a wonderful person to get to talk to and know. ❤️

#anonymous #answered

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rum-and-shattered-dreams · 5 years

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Updates and hermit mode again

Yup, I’ve been in hermit mode again for a few reasons. Mostly, it’s that I’ve been busy and tired (but not sick so yay for that!) I’ve still been working on projects in short bursts whenever I have the time/energy but it’s all been going pretty slow and has mostly been crafty stuff rather than art.

As for writing, I have a fair amount of draft written for the next chapter of The Man Downstairs but it probably won’t be ready to post for a few more days. It’s going to be a rather Soos-centric chapter this time. Basically, this AU’s parallel of Blendin’s Game is going to be shuffled between Carpet Diem and Boyz Crazy to fit Soos’s birthday into the timeline for the appropriate date. I have a feeling a certain demon who’s getting a little impatient with his other pawns will be poking around in his dreams in this next chapter. ;)

Anyway, I have also been trying to prioritize consuming media a bit more lately (vs almost not at all for the past few years) which has been nice. I’ve caught up on a few shows (Hilda, The Good Place, She-Ra, 3Below, The Dragon Prince, the Marvel movies Netflix currently has available, and I’m currently catching up on the Tangled series, to name a few), casually played some mobile games, and I’ve even been trying to regain my focus for reading novels again (still a little wobbly but better than it has been). Nothing has struck me as the next big thing to obsess over but I’ve definitely enjoyed and appreciated it all.

Ha... honestly I feel like this is a weird cocoon stage, like I need to just hide for a while and gather energy then come back with hopefully some new inspiration...

#updates #mo's rambling and such #there is a lot going on in life right now but I'm trying not to let it get me down #it's not like things are terrible #there's still good and all #but just some things weighing heavy on my mind #inevitable changes that will be drastic when they happen but who knows when they will #and having no idea what to do when it eventually does happen #It will be tough but I do have ideas for things to eventually and hopefully get better #though I struggle with wondering if I'll be alone as I get older #It's tough to not see past failures as a forecast for the future and all #the man downstairs #the man downstairs fic #the man downstairs au

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kiridarling · 3 years

Text

"𝐒𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐀𝐘𝐒."

izuku midoriya | friends older brother!izuku + college student!reader + f!reader + squirting + size kink + more! minors dni! does this count? as dark content?

— 2.4k words

"It's simple: I'll stuff you full with two fingers, but they only do what simon says. Understand?"

“[Y/N?]”

“Uh, hey Izuku!” You smile, grip tightening around the strap to your bag. Izuku fills the doorway, broad shoulders kissing both sides of the frame, and you can’t help but feel minuscule in comparison. “Kota around?”

Izuku shakes his head, peering over his shoulder for a second before returning his attention to you with a click of his tongue. "Uh, no I think he's out with Eri. They should be back soon though...it's been a few hours."

"Shit," you curse under your breath. Your friend's older brother smiles in apology, biceps straining under his white tee.

"You need something?"

"Yeah," you nod, forcing your eyes back onto his, instead of the broad chest presented at eye-level. "Just my precalc book."

Izuku waits a second, thinking, before his palm claps against the doorframe and he's walking deeper into the house. "Come on in, then! I'm sure he won't mind."

You step into the house after him, and it's...weird. Weird being with your Kota's older brother without Kota there, because despite the thousands of times you've been in your best friend's house and as well as you know the greenette, you and Izuku have never been alone.

"Find it?"

You've been rummaging through Kota's room for a solid ten minutes and somehow still empty-handed, moving slowly in fear you'll see something you can't unsee. And hey, with Kota and Eri dating, anything's possible.

"No," you sigh, ready to give up rather than find a strap-on. "It's fine. I can just come to get it tomorrow or something."

"How soon do you need it?" The greenette asks, his forearms leaning against his younger brother's dresser. You take a seat on Kota's comforter instead, silently hoping you'll find your book by accidentally breaking your tailbone against the damn thing; you're a little disappointed when all your ass comes in contact with is a plush mattress.

"Like, tonight," you grieve, knowing that tomorrow morning, your math grade will suffer severely. "'S fine though. There's always another test."

Izuku snorts at that, crossing the room to take a seat next to you. The bed whines under his weight but doesn't collapse, and you feel a little bad to say you're surprised. Voice full of reminiscence, he sighs, "Ah, the college days."

You giggle, "You act like they're lightyears behind you."

"They might as well be," the greenette shrugs, before reaching behind your waist to steal a pillow. "Couldn't tell you a thing I learned."

You shrug trying to remember the last time you’ve felt prepared for a test, “Neither can I.”

Izuku chuckles and nods, though you’re convinced it’s because he has nothing to say. An awkward silence takes possession of the room by the neck, and you shift awkwardly, unsure of what to say that could give you an excuse to leave, or at least redirect his strange yet heavy gaze. As Izuku licks his lips, you notice how close you two actually are, as he's big to the point where your shoulders almost brush, but not quite.

"How um, hows your boyfriend?"

You scoff at that, but you suppose it's been a while since you and the greenette have talked one on one—and the last time you had, you weren't single.

"Oh uh, he's fine, I guess," you brush it off with a shrug and a wave, cringing at the thought of how that ended. "I don't know. We broke up a while ago, so."

"Oh sorry!" Izuku flushes and throws a hand over his mouth, and you giggle.

"You're fine. He was an asshole anyway," you chuck a laugh, but it's not really that funny. Frankly, he's left too many emotional scars to count, along with the ones healing from past exes. "I...don't have a good reputation when it comes to picking boyfriends."

“So, I’ve heard—no offense,” he says sheepishly, though you don't blame him. You've definitely had a few surprise visits caused by a nasty break-up or two, knowing this is the place you'll probably find both of your best friends hiding out. When Izuku speaks again, it’s borderline awkward as his eyes dart around the room, cheeks puffed and lips pursed in apprehension. “Found...anyone new?”

You frown, “Anyone new.”

“Yeah!” Izuku exclaims, and it’s almost encouraging. “Like a new boyfriend.”

“Oh,” you laugh, shaking your head. “Um, no. Like I said, I don’t have much luck with that type of stuff.”

Izuku snorts, rolling his eyes before he’s adjusting himself to lay on the pillow, half of his body upright. “I bet you do. You might not realize it, but you do.”

Now it’s your turn to snort and roll your eyes, leaning back on your hands with a huff. "You're just being nice, Izuku."

"No, seriously!" He props himself higher so you can see he really is serious, evergreen eyes locked and deadset, "Like—okay, and this might be a TMI or something, but how do they, y'know, and then be dicks, y'know?"

"They don't."

"They don't...what?"

"They don't...make me cum," you heave with great depression, despite the seemingly surface-level complaint. With wrists tightening around your ankles, you hate uncomfortably in the silence, and watch Izuku's mouth open and close, before it opens and closes again.

"Like...never?"

"No." You give him a weird look.

"But what about your last boyfriend? I thought he—"

"I don't know what you're looking for, Izuku," you chuckle, shaking your head. The greenette seems more pained than he is shocked, eyes wide with a big fat pout in place of a neutral face. "It's not like I haven't had an orgasm before. Just...not with someone else."

"That's not the same!" Izuku defends, slowly becoming more animated than you've ever seen him. "It's like...more passionate with another person, you know? And that makes everything a whole lot hotter."

"Thanks," you huff, mood souring more than it already has. Izuku's mouth stills once he realizes what he's essentially bragging, guilt clouding his face. As you exhale out of your nose, you can't escape feeling bad for snapping. "Look. I'm perfectly fine with being the only person to be able to make myself cum. It's not that deep."

"You sound like you expect no one to be able to," Izuku snorts with a raised eyebrow, shoulders bumping against yours. "You've just...had bad boyfriend luck. That doesn't mean no one's capable of doing it."

"Well," you click your tongue bitterly, because you've heard all of this before, and you're utterly tired of hearing it. "They've been able to make all their exes orgasm. And it's not like it even matters, relationships aren't abou—"

"I could do it."

"I—" you blink, shaking your head at the pure audacity of his request? Suggestion? Comment? Whatever the fuck. "Excuse me?"

"I—wait, listen," Izuku rushes like you're getting ready to book it the fuck out of there, sitting upright so his body is turned to yours. "You're...it's...I've been told I'm good with my fingers, right?"

And what a way to start a story.

"Izuku, in the nicest way, every guy is like this," you scoff, "He thinks he's all that just because a chick or two said you made her feel really good. I don't need to fake another orgasm."

"You won't have to," Izuku purrs cockily, leaning forwards on his hands and making you wonder where all of this is coming from. "Let's play a game of simon says, yeah?"

"Simon—" your chest collapses with a giggle of pure disbelief, "I'm not that much younger than you, you know."

"I wouldn't be offering if you were," the greenette reasons, eyes growing dark slowly, if any. "Yes or no?"

"What's the catch?" You bargain and Izuku huffs a laugh. You can feel it on your face.

"No catch, Pretty," he hums, and you can feel the vibrations in your fingers. "It's simple: I'll stuff you full with two fingers, but they only do what simon says. Understand?"

You gulp as Izuku lifts a hand—and a very large one, at that—and it's jagged and rough with scars and bulky knuckles. His free hand makes you grab his wrist and you're fingertips barely touch, but you’re pulling his hand south by your own volition.

“Gotta take your pants off first,” he chuckles, and you flush red. That would be helpful, yes.

It doesn't take long before they're off though, flung towards a corner somewhere—and this is when you realize that maybe, you shouldn't do this on Kota's bed.

"Izuku maybe we shoul—"

But before you can say anything else, he's pushing your panties to the side and shoving both fingers into you at once, eyebrows folding as he groans under his breath from the sensation.

"So wet already? Clearly, someone likes this more than they let on."

"I—what the fuck happened to simon says!" You yelp, but his fingers don't move. Izuku just beams like the deceptive asshole he is.

"Game starts now," is all he says, and you're huffing, propping yourself up on your elbows. Izuku's fingers might as well have knocked the wind out of you, lungs struggling to find room to breathe as he curls his fingers to tap directly onto your g-spot with worrying precision.

"Simon says um, move please," you grunt out. Izuku's fingers stay still, and you frown, kicking him in the thigh. "Hey, I sai—"

"You gotta be more specific than that, Pretty,” he says with a grin. You snarl. "Tell me what you want me to do to you."

"I..." you start, but it's fucking embarrassing, and you know Izuku feels you twitch around him when you say: "Can you um, fuck me with your fingers."

He doesn't move.

"Simon says fuck me with your fingers, asshole," you grunt with narrowed eyes, though they widen when he starts to pump his fingers in and out, chuckling when you shiver from the dexterity.

Except, his fingers move painfully slow, and you find yourself gritting your teeth at the speed when he doesn't make an effort to go any faster. You click your tongue—he's really going to make you request everything, isn't he?

"Simon says faster," you growl with a challenge burning in your eyes, and Izuku meets them with equal fire, fingers finally forgetting their torturous pace for a much quicker one. Finally.

"Fuck! Simo—simon says right t-there," your legs spread wider and Izuku makes more room for himself in between. He hums with dark eyes as you whimper and whine his name, writhing in his younger brother's sheets like they belong to him—like you belong to him.

"I wanna touch you all the time, you know," Izuku grunts before cursing at the sight of your wetness around his fingers. "Make you feel good, make you mine. I don't think Kota would approve, though."

"We don—" you wheeze and he places a hand next to your head, towering over you. The angle only gets better, your hands digging into the sheets as Izuku's fingers curl just right. "We don't have to tell him."

Izuku chuckles at that, chest rumbling as he leans in closer to the point where your noses nearly touch. "You dirty fucking girl."

You moan at that, hips bucking into his hand. You're so close and yet you need more, something else to push you over the edge for good. With a whimper behind a bitten lip, you say, "S-Simon says rub my clit."

Izuku's thumb falls upon your clit and you squeal from the amount of initial pressure, thighs jolting from the white-hot waves that pump through your bloodstream as his thumb moves in small, ever-quickening circles that have you gripping for Kota's comforter for dear life.

"Iz—Izuku I'm gonna—g-gonna cum," you pant, and he's ripping his hands away before you can even reach a hint of the edge. You glare at him out of pure and utter betrayal, and he beams.

"Simon didn't say, did he?"

Your mouth flies open before your brain has time to process it all, "Simon says make me cum, p-please, I need to—fuck!"

Izuku's stuffing you full with his fingers in an instant and his thumb returns to its rightful place.

"Yeah? You gonna cum for me, Pretty?" His hands somehow find the energy to speed up to the point where the clap of his palm against your pussy fills the room, slowly being replaced by a lewd squelch as you tighten around him. He chuckles when all you can do is whimper, grappling for his big shoulders as he says, "Oh, yes she is. So fucking close I can feel it."

You let out a broken moan and in a blink you're squirting, body buzzing as you make a big wet mess of Kota's sheets. It doesn't even register how screwed you two are because you're too busy wading waist-deep in the sea of Izuku's eyes, chest heaving in time with his as he gives you a look of pure awe. Not at what you've done, per se, but at you, and that's when you understand it—the passion.

"We should uh, probably clean up," Izuku flushes as he chuckles, cheeks pressing into the crescents of his face, and you find yourself smiling along with him. With a final click, he pulls his fingers out, gesturing to a circular wet spot on his now see-through shirt. "You made quite a mess."

Fuck the passion.

You shove your fists into his chest and Izuku laughs, pushing your hands away with his one dry free hand, wiping the wet one on Kota's sheets.

"Izuku!" You gasp, looking at the new and improved addition to your mess. The greenette shrugs.

"What? We're going to have to clean it anyway," he shrugs before assuming the dry spot to your right and nestling his forearms in the pillow to peck you on the forehead. Then he freezes.

"I uh...am I allowed to do that?"

You roll your eyes, grabbing him by his squirt-soaked shirt to pull him into a kiss. Izuku hums at that, suppressing the urge to smile as his big hands find their way to your waist. He's an annoyingly good kisser

"No, you're not," you say with swollen lips once you pull away. Izuku grins, teeth digging into his bottom lip as his eyes flutter to yours for a moment, before they're staring into your soul again.

"I like you," he boldly states, albeit quietly, like he's talking to your eyes and nothing else. "Like, a lot."

"I—" You start, but you're interrupted by a click of a lock and the sound of the front door opening. Shit.

"Oi! We're home, Izuku!"

#— 𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐊𝐔 #deku smut #izuku smut #midoriya smut #bnha smut #bnha imagines

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warriorsbutnotreally · 2 years

Text

Mapleshade Drowns But Her Kits Live AU

firstly, thank you for the kind words <3

I'm far from the best out there but I like sharing ideas and hearing things from other people around me as well

It's one of the big reasons why this fandom has kept me for so long. There's never a dull moment and there's always creative ideas - whether good or bad is [mostly] subjective.

edit; this post was mostly done and was supposed earlier but then the other posts became more important and I implore you go to my blog and check out what's been going on

of course, we're here for the au and I'll gladly hand off my idea for this AU;

When Mapleshade and the kits go under, a yowl sounds and hits the ears of Appledusk and the nearby patrol.

Quickly, the patrol runs and sees three little heads bobbing above the river, all three struggling to stay alive.

Without a second thought, Appledusk leads the patrol into the river and they grab the kits.

As he's swimming, however, he feels one of his paws kick down on something and he feels whatever it was sink. It isn't until after they stumble back onto land that he realizes he felt fur under his paws.

The rest of the patrol had felt it, too

A couple warriors dive into the water, but return with nothing

Appledusk stares at the kits, wondering to himself if that was Mapleshade and, if so, what she was doing dragging their kits through stormy waters like that

Angry, he realizes she put the kits in danger and that they could've died - hell, they were still at risk of dying if they didn't get them somewhere safe and dry.

He orders the patrol to carry the kits to camp, as they can't wait out here and risk the kits getting sick

The rest of the patrol agrees and they take the kits to camp

Appledusk can only hope that Mapleshade had tried to save the kits after her reckless move and wasn't trying to take them down with her

It's a couple days later and Patchkit, Petalkit, and Larchkit are deemed healthy.

However, with no place to go, they end up adopted by Appledusk and his mate, Reedshine.

The three are unsure about this - though, Patch is the least bothered, as he remembered how Appledusk had saved him from drowning the first time when Mapleshade had taken them out to try swimming Plus, he's a little more happy to have a father around

He thinks highly of the RiverClan warrior and does his best to convince his siblings that it's cool, since he seemed to be friends with their mom anyway

Larchkit hesitates at that

He just wants their mom

Patch understands

Petal, meanwhile, is just upset they had to leave ThunderClan at all and she isn't pleased with anything or anyone, including her brothers

Despite Patch's best efforts, she just wants to be left alone

As they're being taken to the nursery where Reedshine is, Appledusk pauses, pretending to show them around camp for a bit before pulling them to the side

He asks if they knew why their mom was trying to get them to cross the river

Larch states, distressed, that they weren't allowed in ThunderClan anymore

Petalkit adds, coldly, that they didn't like them because Birchface isn't their father

Patch almost loudly states that Appledusk is their father, but is silenced quickly by the warrior

The older tom looks the three over and he mutters something to himself about how this is going to be complicated

Out loud, he tells the three that him being their father has to be a secret

The kits are confused why

He tells them, cautiously, that he has a mate in RiverClan - Reedshine - and that she's currently expecting his kits

They're confused

Petal, glaring, asks why he has more kits and if they weren't enough

Appledusk assures he loves them more than he's ever loved anything, that they are shining stars within RiverClan But he was never supposed to be with Mapleshade and how he had ended up falling in love with another when he and Mapleshade were apart

Petalkit accuses him of not loving Mapleshade and he shushes her and she almost raises her volume

He assures he did care for Mapleshade, but he knew their relationship wasn't meant to last and he hadn't expected to see it all fall apart so quickly

Patch wants to try to give this life a chance, but Larch and Petal are apprehensive Patch understands why He misses their mom, too And this is a lot for the three to try to take in in just a couple short days

He promises not to tell, even if Larch and Petal never make that promise

Appledusk is a little relieved and he gives Patch and small nuzzle on the forehead before bringing them all the way to the nursery finally

Reedshine greets Appledusk with affectionate licks and nuzzles before turning her attention to the three kits

She seems nervous at first, having not been expecting to need to take care of kits while expecting kits, but she still shows them warmth and kindness nonetheless

The kits aren't sure how to feel. They already had a mom, but Reedshine never pushes the kits if they're not comfortable with the attention and even gives them the option to have their own nest or to sleep in the larger nest with her

The first night they choose to have their own nest and she understands, though it's clear she's worried that she's not making a good first impression on these suddenly adopted kits

As expected, there is some struggle with adjusting

Though Patchkit takes to it well, Larchkit and Petalkit struggle and there comes a point that Patchkit becomes worried that his siblings would let the secret slip

A moon later and Reedshine's kits are born - Willowkit, Shykit, and Seedkit

This is when a change happens in Petalkit and she takes to being an older sister like a champion

She helps watches after the kits and she feels a spark of excitement as she tells Reedshine how she looks forward to teaching them how to swim and how, when she's an apprentice, she'll show them all the coolest battle moves

Larch, meanwhile, grows more distant

He watches as Appledusk dotes over these kits and he feels a bitter resentment towards his father, realizing how old he and his siblings are and how shortly after they came here that Reedshine had her own kits

He doesn't know much, but the dots don't line up in his head in a way he likes

Especially since Reedshine was already expecting these kits when they arrived

Though, they keep their secret and do their best

Patchkit even follows Reedshine and Appledusk around much like he had done with Mapleshade, which creates some tension with Larchkit and some mild annoyance with Petalkit Though Petal's reasoning is that he's too old to be following cats around like a lost kit

After becoming apprentices, becoming Patchpaw [Spiketail], Larchpaw[Darkstar], and Petalpaw [Milkfur], the three have a shared dream

In that dream they're approached by Mapleshade, who lovingly dotes on them

She apologizes for not being there

And when the kits understand that she drowns, she turns an accident into a horror story She lies, saying that Appledusk had intentionally drowned her and that he was trying to get her out of the way

There's some hesitation from these young cats as their mother asks them to spy on Appledusk and Reedshine, who had been nothing but kind to them

Waking up the next morning, they are greeted by Appledusk, who wanted to see them off on their first official day of training, he grooms each of them and even Reedshine stops by before they head out, nuzzling them each before returning to the younger kits

Seedkit even runs up to Petalpaw as she heads out to camp, having her swear on all the fish in the river that she'll learn some cool battle moves to teach them when she returns

Petalpaw promises

Patchpaw, with his mentor Spiketail, head out on a hunting patrol while Petalpaw and Larchpaw are sent on a border patrol

Spiketail teaches him the basics, but before they head out to practice, he admits that he was confused at first

He knows Mapleshade is Patchpaw's mother and he wasn't sure why Appledusk was willing to adopt with kits on the way

Patchpaw nervously wonders if Spiketail caught on, but the deputy goes on to admit that he assumes Appledusk felt responsible for the three, since he had rescued them twice He also mentions Mapleshade's death

Patchpaw asks about it

Spiketail hesitates, but Patchpaw insists, saying he's old enough and he knows Appledusk might not tell them

He informs Patchpaw that they hadn't seen Mapleshade in the water until they had felt fur brush against them after they had rescued the trio of kits

Spiketail personally blames himself for the queen drowning, saying he should've knowing something was up the moment he felt something heavy under the kits, but he had assumed it was a rock that was somehow holding them against the current

Patchpaw feels sympathy towards the tom

He doesn't think it's anyone's fault

Spiketail does add that, personally, he doesn't think she should've had the three near the river, but he wasn't going to speak ill of the dead

Patchpaw nervously thinks of how the dead is thinking poorly of the living

A couple more moons pass with the trio learning more and more about living and hunting in RiverClan Though they haven't been taken to a gathering yet, the three are made aware that ThunderClan knows they're with RiverClan and the cats are acting hostile about it without saying what the problems is

they know

RiverClan just doesn't

On top of that, Mapleshade has been coming by, asking for news Patchpaw and Petalpaw are becoming more and more uncomfortable as she comes up with ideas that she doesn't talk in detail about

She assures they'll know when the time is right

She also starts asking about news about Seedkit, Shykit, and Willowkit Every time she hears that they're healthy and well, she snorts at the thought

The most recent morning, Patchpaw is woken up from the dream early as he hears noises outside. He learns quickly that they're coming from right behind the apprentice's den, being nothing but hurried, worried whispers

It's Perchpaw - now Perchleap, as his ceremony had been the day before -, talking to Appledusk He listens in as Perchpaw frets that they can't keep the three away from ThunderClan forever

Appledusk asks why his apprentice is even worried

Perchleap knows

He can see it in the kits

Specifically Patchpaw, who looks more of a blend of Appledusk and Mapleshade

He knows ThunderClan knows, too He's heard hateful whispers about Appledusk being their father and he can't keep denying that he sees it, too

Appledusk hisses He doesn't care what ThunderClan has to say And he knows his kits belong here ThunderClan didn't want them, so they should at least stop whining as the three are where they belong

Perchleap mentions that ThunderClan wants Appledusk punished even more now and Appledusk is outraged Birchface's death had been an accident, as had Flowerpaw's

Perchleap knows, but they see Appledusk as complacent in the lies Mapleshade told

Appledusk is cautiously confused

Perchleap explains that ThunderClan believes Appledusk told Mapleshade to lie about Birchface being the father

Appledusk is outraged and has to force himself to stop from yowling, making his voice sound strained as he assures he had never heard of anything like that Nor would he have approved of such a lie if she had told him, as it would've ruined their lives even more

He mentions how their Clanmates are waking up now and it's not the time to keep talking

Patchpaw lays his head down and closes his eyes, pretending to sleep as the two return back inside of the camp, though he wasn't even in his nest anymore, having had to move closer to overhear everything

Once they're back, he quietly moves back to his nest and closes his eyes again, only to feel Petalpaw nudge him

She asks if he heard, too

He confirms, though she had already been closer to where the two warriors had been talking

Petalpaw feels shame that Mapleshade lied like that She worries that, if Mapleshade was bad, they'll be bad, too

Patchpaw promises they're not That they're good cause they'd never lie

Petalpaw mentions how she once lied to Willowkit by telling her that there was a badger just outside camp ready to gobble up sneaky kits to keep her from following outside of camp

Patchpaw laughs lightly and says that wasn't a bad lie That she was keeping her safe

Petalpaw frowns

She says there shouldn't be a thing as 'good lying'

Patchpaw's expression falls and he states that she's probably right, but her lie wasn't hurting Willowkit

Petalpaw halfheartedly agrees "I guess so.."

Patchpaw's mind is buzzing all day and eventually he drags Appledusk to the side, Petalpaw and Larchpaw with him, and asks for the truth

The whole truth about everything

Appledusk tells them everything he knows, unaware that two of the three of them had overheard him and Perchleap

His story lines up with what Petal and Patch had heard

Larchpaw doesn't react much to what he hears

That night, they wake in the dark forest and Larchpaw spills everything he heard

Patchpaw and Petalpaw are surprised and don't like that Mapleshade is pleased with him telling

She assures that Appledusk only tells the kits lies, but Patchpaw and Petalpaw don't believe he'd lie so easily to Perchleap

She decides that the time is coming soon

She needs the three to spill the secret

There's hestiation until Larchpaw agrees

The next night is a full moon and Larchpaw gets Darkstar to allow the apprentices to go

Gathering reveal similar to how Hollyleaf revealed her parents' secret

Shock ripples through RiverClan and Petalpaw and Patchpaw are upset they couldn't stop their brother in time, as they had been trying to

The gathering ends short and Darkstar brings her cats back to camp and the first thing she does is wake Appledusk up

She drags him into the middle of camp and many cats are confused on why she's calling a meeting so late

She lays down Appledusk's crimes and he's unable to counter them, especially since Oakstar confirmed most of them

He holds fast that he never told her to lie, however At least not lie about Birchface

Darkstar's still angry

Reedshine stands up for Appledusk and Darkstar is about to banish them both when Perchleap steps up to stand with Appledusk

And then Patchpaw, which angers Larchpaw

Petalpaw joins them soon after

Darkstar still has mixed feelings about the apprentices, but even their mentors stand up Though not for Appledusk Only for Patchpaw and Petalpaw

Larchpaw will remember all of this

Especially because his relationship with Darkstar is now damaged now that he knows she'd so readily kick him out

That night there are no dreams At least not for Petalpaw and Perchpaw

Larchpaw and Mapleshade however? They're making plans

One of them involved the fact that Larchpaw 'accidentally' lead Darkstar into danger and she ends up losing a life

Though upset about the situation, she doesn't suspect he's to blame

Moons of plotting and now Seedpaw, Willowpaw, and Shypaw are apprentices

Patchpaw notices that Larchpaw is leading the apprentices out of camp the night after their apprentice ceremony and he wakes Petalpaw up

They sneak after, where they find Larchpaw take them to the river

The young apprentices think he's going to show them a secret fishing technique

Then, in a flash, he throws himself against the three while they're standing together and send the younger cats into the river

Patchpaw and Petalpaw run to the river only for Larchpaw to stand in their way

He claims they need to die

That Mapleshade will be avenged

They try to reason with Larchpaw, but he doesn't listen

He won't let anyone save them

Petalpaw attacks and gives Patchpaw a chance to get to the river, where he dives in

Larchpaw is outraged, but Petalpaw is keeping him well distracted

Patchpaw begins helping them Pushing the three to shore while showing them how to swim Seedpaw is struggling however

He manages to grab Seedpaw and he almost has them to shore when he sees Larchpaw hurt Petalpaw badly and she falls to the ground

Larchpaw then sprints to the river and is going after Patchpaw, Seedpaw, Willowpaw, and Shypaw

Patchpaw hauls the three onto land before shoving himself between them and Larchpaw He tells them to run

A fight breaks out between the brothers as Patchpaw stops Larchpaw from chasing after the apprentices

Larchpaw calls Patchpaw a traitor

Patch insists he's not

Larch says he's betraying the memory of their mother

The ginger and white tom insists Mapleshade was lying

His brown tabby brother doesn't agree

He sees Appledusk as the liar and he's angry that Patch and Petal were so easily tricked

"I'm not the one being tricked, Larchpaw!"

It hurts Patch to admit it, as he had loved his mother, but Mapleshade was using them

She didn't care what happened

She just wanted them to hurt others

Larch doesn't want to hear it and the fight continues until Larchpaw is shoving Patchpaw's head underwater, trying to drown him

He almost blacks out until Petalpaw saves him, still hurting but able to stand

Larchpaw hisses and the fight gets shoved closer and closer into the water

They come near an area where the currents are rough, but no one notices until Larch and Patch are both swept into the waters

They manage to reach some stones, but they struggle to hold on while Petalpaw is trying to help them

Patch tries to reason with Larch, but his brother is certain of what he believes

As a RiverClan patrol arrives, Patchpaw begs for Larch to understand that Mapleshade was in the wrong

He doesn't want him to be punished

Larchpaw glares at Patchpaw

He states, frighteningly calmly, that he's sure of what he has to do And going back to RiverClan isn't one of them

With that, Larchpaw releases the stone and Patchpaw watches in horror as the water sweeps his brother away

Crying out, he tries to go after, but is grabbed up by Spiketail

The moment they're on land, Patchpaw races down the river, calling for Larchpaw

There's no answer

He's about to give up when he noticed a heartwrenching sight of Larchpaw's body, spine cracked from impacting with a snaggled stone that was sticking out of the water

From what the warriors can tell, his death was swift

This is no comfort

Larchpaw gets a burial, but the Clan knows what Larchpaw had tried to do to his younger half siblings and there's not much mourning outside of from Patchpaw

Not even Petalpaw, who needs to stay in the medicine cat den

After the burial, Reedshine approaches Patchpaw

She's so sorry this happened

He doesn't blame her

He just wishes things had been different

She does, too

That night Patchpaw and Petalpaw have a shared dream, seeing Larchpaw glaring at them from warping shadows before vanishing among the trees

notes;

not long after, Patchpaw and Petalpaw become Patchshine and Petalstorm for their brave deeds

Patchshine still has nightmares about that night and he keeps trying to think of ways he could've helped Larchpaw

Neither ever take a mate or have kits, though Petalstorm spends a lot of her time helping queens and is even there to be a wonderful aunt to Shellkit/paw/heart

Petalstorm ends up passing away from illness and Patchshine lives long enough to see the birth of Oakkit and Stormkit before being swept away in the storm they were born in

During his last moments, he swore he could feel Larchpaw's claws clinging to him, making sure he didn't make it to see another day

#au #mapleshade #patchkit #larchkit #petalkit #perchpaw #appledusk #reedshine #warriors #warrior cats #bitter dead woman manipulates her kits the au #to confirm #larchpaw is in fact in the dark forest #petal and patch in starclan

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