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oneeyedgrimes · 1 month

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Beat This World.

Summary: you were inlove with Daryl. you had been for a while but you hid it telling yourself you’d tell him one day, one day too late.

Tw: major character death, angst, pinning, all that good stuff.

ELLO TUMBLR This is my first time writing here I just needed to write for my husband because if I didn’t I would COMBUST. this DEFINITELY isn’t proof read as I started this at 2 and it’s 4 now so if there’s any errors don’t be afraid to let me know, constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated, enjoy loves!

You had always noticed Daryl. Since the day you stumbled upon the quarry, you’d been by yourself for who knows how long and when you finally found the group, he was the first person you laid your eyes on, pointing his bow ready to shoot and end your life at anytime and the only thing you could think was how pretty his eyes were in the sunlight.

From then on you found yourself trying to get to know him more, sitting next to him when the group would cook the squirrels he found, trying to get him to teach you how to hunt. The two of you even found yourselves up late unable to sleep and you would find eachother and just sit and look at the stars and that was all the both of you needed, you’d barely speak on nights like that you’d just soaked up each others presence.

By the time the group found Alexandria you and Daryl’s relationship was better than ever, though with the recent loss of Beth after just finding out she had been alive, watching her die infront of him Daryl had been more closed off, but you understood, ofcourse you did, so you gave him space, made yourself busy working on things around Alexandria.

But soon distance became barely seeing each other, and that only made your heart ache for him even more, you so desperately wanted your bestfriend back even if that was all it would be, even if you wanted him to yourself, even if you did want to feel the feeling of his lips on yours, you would take what you could get.

You’d finally found Daryl sitting on carol’s porch sharpening his knife, you stopped just before you came into his view and just looked at him, seeing him up close after not seeing him for so long, it felt like you’d fallen inlove with him again right there and it hurt.

“ Daryl can we talk please? I get it if you’re too busy but I really just wanted to talk to yo-“ Daryl looked up at her the slightest bit of a smirk sitting on his lips before he cut off your rambling “ hey, I ain’t ever ta’ busy for ya’ wha’s up” Daryl’s attention was fully on you and now you were nervous.

“ I miss you. I’ve barely seen you since we got here at this place and everything’s so weird and these people look at me like I’m some kind of alien and I know you’re working and doing things to keep people safe and this may be selfish of me but I miss you and I want you to be around more” Tears prickled at your eyes, whether it was from frustration or genuine sadness you didn’t know. Daryl looked up at you and and sat the knife down and brought his finger up motioning you to come towards him

“ c’mere,” You looked at him and slowly walked over to the porch sitting next to him blinking away the tears now feeling embarrassed you let your emotions get the best of you. “ why ain’t ya’ tell me ya been feelin’ like tha’ i woulda’ done som’ ‘bout it” Daryl guided your head to his shoulder, his voice a soft tune he only ever used with you. “ because i.. you were busy and I didn’t wanna bother you and I just..”

You trailed off going silent realizing you’d almost said something you’d probably regret, and Daryl just pulled you in closer wrapping his arm around you “ I’m sorry I ain’t been checkin’ on ya, I’m gon’ try an’ be around more, can’t promise nuthin’ but I’m gon’ try”. You got your friend back, and that was more than enough for you, even if your heart screamed to tell him what you really want.

It was a few weeks later, and Daryl did what he said he would, he was around a lot more and he kept you company whenever he could, and you were the happiest you could be. You were both sitting on Carol’s porch eating whatever cookies she made that day when Rick walked up to the both of you asking if you guys were up for a run with a few others from the group, you agreed and went to get ready.

As you walked inside your house you told yourself you’d tell Daryl how you felt when the two of you were back from the run, you thought of how you were going to do it as you finished putting on your boots and grabbing your bag putting a few water bottles in your bag. Daryl came and got you walking with you to the gate helping you into the car and you laughed looking at him thru the window “ thank you mister strong man” He looked at you with a straight face though you could see the tiniest smirk on his face “ stop.” He told you as he got into the car nodding to Rick as he pulled out of the gate.

Everything was going fine, they found a few cans of food and some bottles of body wash in a nearby store, you turned your back for just two seconds, you saw a toy you thought Judith would like and you smiled and reached on your tippy toes to grab it, at the same time a walker turned the corner from behind the shelf and fell onto you knocking you down to the floor, you reached for your knife but couldn’t reach it, atleast not before the walker sunk its teeth into the side of your hip causing you to let out a scream as you finally got your knife out of the holster plunging it into the back of the walkers head pushing it off of you as Daryl came running to you.

“ wha’ tha’ hell happened “ Daryl kneeled infront of you he saw the walked beside you and looked back at you all the confusion on his face gone “ you ain’t bit are ya’?” He looked up at you waiting for your answer, his face falling a bit when he saw the tears building in your eyes, his face now filled with worry as he looked down seeing your hand covering your side, he gently moved your hand lifting your shirt revealing the bite “ no, no you can’t fuckin’- this ain’t fair! You can’t leave me y/n you can’t” Daryl’s voice became wobbly and his lip quivered, something you had only ever seen a few times “ I’m sorry d, it all happened so fast I couldn’t get my knife out fast enough” You looked at him squeezing your waist tighter, your own lip started to wobble. “ you know what’s funny? I was gonna tell you that I’m inlove with you after we got back from this run, was gonna take you to my house and take you up to my room, and I would let you lay in my lap and run my fingers thru my hair and tell you how I’ve been inlove with you since you held that big crossbow at me” you laughed regretting it after as you started to cough harshly, Daryl just stared at you his eyes wide in shock “ I’ve loved ya for a while y/n a good long while too. Wasted all dis’ time when we coulda’ been ta’gether”You smiled finally letting the tears fall

“ we would’ve been a match made in hell dixon, will you be okay?” You ask him holding his face in your hand that wasn’t covered in blood “ Hell no, I don’ know how i’ma go on without’ ya. “ “ you’re strong I know you are, you’re gonna live for me and you’re gonna be okay I know you will I love you Daryl.” “ I love ya’ too girl.” “ then beat this world for me Dixon”

You smiled at him with the last bit of energy you had before your eyes shut and your movements stop completely, daryl sits there almost as still as your own lifeless body before he pulls out his knife stabbing you in the back of the head and sits with you for a few more seconds before he stands up picking up your body laying you in the back of the car as he calls the rest of the group, and they all see it on his face, so they don’t ask. They have a makeshift funeral and Daryl dressed up in his best button down he has, and when he goes to his room and it’s late at night and it’s quiet and you’re not there to fill the room, he doesn’t cry but he whispers into the air

“I’m gonna beat this goddamn world for you .”

#daryl x reader #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd daryl #daryl dixon #daryl x female reader #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixion imagine #x reader #daryl fanfiction #daryl x y/n #daryl x you #the walking dead #daryl imagines #Spotify

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zegrvshvghes · 1 year

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Emotions- AX72

Check out my masterlist for more! 💌

Arber was a rising star in the world of professional ice hockey. He had worked tirelessly to reach the top, honing his skills on the rink until he became one of the most sought-after players in the league. Despite his success, there was always something missing from his life – someone to share it with.

His chance came when he was interviewed by me, a television reporter covering the hockey games. Arber was smitten with me right from the start – I could tell.

Due to my knowledge and experience in the sports world, I think I made him feel like he had finally found someone who understood him. We began a flirtatious friendship, and I guess he thought that our connection had potential to turn into something more.

"Hey, good game today!" I greeted him after one particularly successful match.

“Thank you,” he responded, “tiring but none the less exciting, glad you watched..”

Over the next few years, we stayed in touch, always catching up when there was a hockey game to report on.

Eventually my reporting took me out of town, but we’d still talk every now and then.

Arber's feelings for me continued to grow and I took great notice to that, but he sensed that I didn't feel the same way, and that was true. I believed I had met the man I would marry. Despite his disappointment, he tried his best not to let it affect our friendship, which I was truly grateful for.

Soon, I had excitedly revealed to him that I was getting married.

“Arber,” I greeted him with a hug, “I have some exciting news for you!” He smiled and listened while I spoke.

“i’m getting married next year, Matt proposed!” His face dropped almost immediately.

Arber felt a pang of sadness in his heart, realizing that the woman he loved was now officially off the market. I still believe had he confessed his feelings sooner maybe we’d be something.

He attended my wedding, a bittersweet experience for the two of us, and watched as I walked down the aisle with someone else.

Years went by, and Arber continued to dominate on the ice. He dated other women, and I always felt a sense of jealousy, even though I was “Happily” married. Despite my marriage, he continued to hold out hope that maybe one day I would see him in a new light.

Which I already had, I just wish I knew about his feelings sooner.

About a week ago, we ran into each other at an NHL charity event. I am now divorced,the marriage felt too rehearsed and fake. He spent too much time working and focusing on his business that we never saw eachother. I guess I should’ve known what I was getting myself into. Arber could see that I had changed since our last encounter. I was hopeful that maybe we could rekindle our connection and finally start something truly special.

But as we talked, I could sense that the spark between us was no longer there. Arber seemed distant and aloof, and even though we spent the whole evening together, I felt that he was a complete stranger to me. It was as if they had never been friends at all. As the night ended, Arber realized what a fool he had been for holding onto his feelings for so long.

When a woman sat down directly next to him and held his hand, I immediately understood why the scene had been tense. The sight of him with somebody new was unexpected, and I wasn't sure how to react. The new girlfriend seemed friendly enough, but there was a distance and awkwardness that lingered in the air.

“This is Adrianne, my girlfriend." He spoke,

"Hi, it's nice to meet you!" her friendly voice made my eardrums want to bleed.

"Hi. It's nice to meet you, too." Forcing a smile I once didn’t have to do when I was around him.

The greetings were polite enough, but the conversation had nowhere to go. The girl seemed nervous, i’d assume he’d never spoke of me but I knew she knew there was something between us at one point, while I tried my best to be cordial while suppressing an array of mixed emotions.

"So, how did you guys meet?"

"We met through work, actually. We started talking and hit it off pretty quickly."

"Yeah, it was really sweet how we just clicked right away."

There was a strained quality to the conversational thread, and I was finding it difficult to stay engaged. It was hard not to notice the affection the two clearly had for each other, awkwardly acknowledging what could only be an undeniably comprehensive romance.

"Well, it's been good seeing you both, but I should be on my way."

“Sure, it's been great seeing you, too. Take care." A very in-genuine smile resting on Arbers face.

I got up and walked away, feeling a great sense of loss, as if an empty void had opened up within my chest. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't rekindle the flame that had burned so brightly in his heart so many years ago. It was a sad, painful realization that I had no choice but to accept.

We both sort of moved on, Arber focusing all his energy on his sport and new lover, using it as a way to stave off the loneliness he still felt deep down inside even though he had never been lonely. But I knew that I would never forget the man who had captured my heart, even if he no longer loved me back.

(This is my first time writing on tumblr so please criticize everything, I mean it. I want to be better.)

#Hockey #arber xhekaj #Arber #Xhekaj #NHL #arber xhekaj x reader

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mygloviesme · 8 months

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cool about it. || myg

no. 6: we don’t have to talk about it

predebut/debut!yoongi x female idol

summary: kanako is an established idol with a growing career and a secret relationship with a producer from her label, haneul. when she’s asked to work with yoongi and rm to create a track for her, she gains unexpected feelings for a certain upcoming rapper. with her increasing fame, her controlling boyfriend, a set of six boys who seem to have grown an attachment to her, and a new boy who’d give her the world, how will she figure out a way to balance it all?

(definitely inspired by boygenius)

word count: 3.0k

genre: ANGST, friends(?) to lovers, slow burn, lots of pining, slight fluff

chapter warnings: toxic relationship (not w/myg), mentions of mental health, mentions of grooming (not w/myg)

inspo song: anything by adrianne lenker.

"i dont wanna be the owner of your fantasy, i just wanna be a part of your family"

FEBRUARY 15TH, 2012, 11:51PM

Once the games and conversations have settled, I sit in Yoongi’s bed once again, scrolling on my phone as the rest of them do. It was an eventful night with lots of screaming and jokes and fun. Something I’ve forgotten about these past ten months. I feel like I’ve been wrapped in a heated, weighted blanket and put to bed. That’s how this night has made me feel. I wonder if they know how much this has meant to me, I think to myself.

If they did, would it scare them?

I use that thought to my advantage and choose to not express those feelings, not for a while at least. They can’t know how lonely I've been these past couple years. How drained, isolated, and unhappy I’ve been. I want to enjoy this non-complicated bliss for a while longer. They don’t have to know just yet.

I see a notification pop up on the top of my screen, causing me to freeze. I click to see the full message, It’s from Bang-PD.

Bang: Hello Kanako, sorry to bother you so late at night. I’ve been informed by a colleague who knows someone that works at K-Station, that the story of you and Haneul will drop tomorrow. I’m unsure of how the story got out to begin with, but that will be discussed later. I know this is a big worry for you as much as it is for everyone here at BigHit, but I negotiated with him as much as I could. Unfortunately, all I was able to do was convince him not to release Haneul’s name, though he’s still releasing other information about him that still connects him to BigHit. I’m sorry for this, Kanako. The least I can do is cancel any sort of promotion that’s been previously booked for you this year. Please let me know however I, or any of the staff here, can further support you during this troubling time. There’ll be a meeting to cover more at 8AM tomorrow.

My hands shake as I grasp my phone tightly, rereading the text over and over again. Over and over and over again. This can’t be real, right? How could this situation get any worse? Why does this always happen? What’s so wrong with me that I’m always hurting?

I click the call button and PD-nim answers almost immediately.

“Yes, Kanako.” He says, knowing what I’ve called about.

“One moment,” I mutter, rushing over Yoongi’s laying body and to the balcony door. It doesn’t occur to me at the moment how frantic I must seem to the boys. But I don't care. All I’m thinking about is what’s going to happen. To me, to the company, to the boy’s success. If they don’t succeed, it’s my fault isn’t it? This scandal is going to burn this company down to its core. It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it's my fault.

I step onto the balcony, feeling the fresh hair hit my face and I close the door behind me. I bring the phone back up to my face and start to cry, “T-This is all my fault, isn’t it? I’m going to ruin the company’s name?” I choke.

“Kanako please calm down-”

“I CAN’T calm down! It’s my fault, it’s all my fault…” My cries turn into sobs.

“We’re going to handle it, I promise you. We won’t go down without a fight.”

I clutch my hair with one hand, shutting my eyes tightly. “What about the boys? The group? Will they still debut?” I whisper.

His answer is delayed, and I can feel the hesitation that stalls his voice. Stop feeling. Stop feeling.

“W-We will cover that tomorrow, they’ll be attending the meeting as well.”

I shake my head uncontrollably, “No, Bang. They have to debut. You have to promise me that will still happen. I don’t care, let me go, I-I’ll give up my career. I’ll stop performing, just promise me.”

I can hear him sigh through the phone, “It won’t have to come to that, Kanako. There is just some things we need to discuss. Tomorrow. Everything will be handled. Our priority is you at this moment, okay?” He aims to comfort me, but that doesn’t comfort me whatsoever.

I don’t want to be the main priority, I feel like nothing compared to those boys. They have so much hope, so many dreams, and I’m fading away. I’m withering into the background and I’ve accepted it. I don’t matter.

I swallow the growing lump in my throat with a wince.

“O-Okay. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Kanako.”

The phone call ends and I place my phone in my sweatpants, Jungkook's sweatpants.

I walk over to the balcony railing, placing my hands along it softly. I sniffle my tears away and stare up to the night sky. It’s so quiet. I wonder, will the streets be rioting tomorrow? Will there be people at my doorstep, telling me I’m a horrible person? Will there be anyone left after everything’s been taken from me? It seems the universe isn't satisfied with my misery, not just yet.

I hear the door crack open behind me, looking to see who it is. I see all seven boys piling onto the balcony, knowing they won’t fit. So they all just stand amid themselves, some with hands in their pockets, some looking at me directly. Yoongi stands behind them, almost hiding.

“Hi guys.” I laugh through my tears painfully. Jungkook, the lanky sixteen year old, snakes his way in my direction. He stands next to me, placing his arm around me. It catches me off guard but I don’t reject it. Just this once, I’ll soothe into someone’s consolation. Just this once.

“You heard that, huh?” I say, knowing this situation brings déjà vu for the both of us. He’s always here, isn’t he? Coming to my rescue. He shouldn’t have to be. He’s so young, just like I was.

“We, uh, all did.” He speaks with a gentle grip on my shoulder. Although being younger than me, he’s still much taller than me. But this time it doesn’t scare me that I have to look up to him, to someone. There’s a glimmer in his doe-eyes that makes me smile.

I peak behind to the boys who stand there, all looking at the night sky with us.

Yoongi steps forward through what seems to be a crowd, standing on the other side of me.

“We’re here for you.” Is all he says, locking his eyes into mine. The care that rests in his demeanor is enough for my heart to glow shiny, bright red. But in this moment all I want is to be held, consoled. So I set those feelings aside and rest my head on Yoongi’s shoulder. Like he’s an old friend, someone who’s done this with me many times before. That’s how it feels anyway.

I feel the rest of the boys surround us closer, and we extend to a group hug. It’s vulnerable, unexpected, but wanted. I feel wanted. Not in a lustful, wrong way. But in a grounding way.

Is this how it feels to be loved truly, hopefully, madly, properly?

FEBRUARY 16TH, 2012, 8:00PM

I sit in the same conference room, but this time with the boys. Bang has no idea we had all just come from the same room, which I know is another stupid decision I made. But this one isn’t something I’d like to feel bad about, not yet.

“First I’d like to say, this meeting will be met with zero judgment. We’re treading on very thin ice and I’d like this meeting to be beneficial. Is that understood?” PD-nim says, and we all agree unanimously.

“Great, moving on. Kanako, how do you feel about canceling the rest of your previously booked events? This means,” He shuffles through his stack of stapled paper, “-Interviews, promotions, performances, and award shows.” He clears his throat and focuses on me.

I lick my lips slowly, thinking of his question. I knew he asked that last night, but I was unsure even then. This means losing money. Lots and lots of money, from both ends.

“What will it mean for my career?” I question honestly.

“We still have an ongoing contract for you that we intend on fulfilling. It’ll be up to you if you’d like to renew it, as it ends on November 18th later this year. We are still wanting you to be an idol under this company, though. Your renewal will be met with zero hesitation from us, if you do decide to do so.” He says.

I nod, “I’ll take a break, then.”

He gives a half smile and writes something down, before looking at the group of boys.

“There will be a stallment to your debut, as me and the team have discussed. The set date was,” He looks down to his papers again, “April 12th, 2013. Now it will be June 12th, 2013. Just to get everything back in order so we’re well organized for that time.” He concludes.

I sink into my chair just a little and glance at the boys who nod, unexpressive.

“How does that make you all feel?” I hear myself mutter. Didn’t know I’d be speaking like this.

Namjoon sits up from his chair, setting his arms on the table, “We’re ready whenever the company is. We, uhm, are in full support of Kanako.” He expresses, which meets agreements from the other members. PD-nim’s mouth parts slightly, nodding slowly.

“That’s…good to know. Anyway,” He slides us all a piece of paper, “This is an NDA. All of the staff have signed it and we need you all to sign as well. We need utter privacy at this time, nothing that you hear or know in this building leaves it, is that understood?” Before Bang finishes speaking, Yoongi has already reached for a pen and gives a hurried signature.

He lays back in his seat and his expression still hasn’t moved. The rest follow, the sound of signatures after the other. I grip the pen and give mine as well, with a little hesitation. Maybe it’s the embarrassment of having dragged everyone in this mess with me.

“Before we wrap up this meeting, there are some notable mentions. The trainees we had here have been moved to various entertainments, just as an added precaution. We as a team expect there will be press covering all grounds of this building and there isn’t any need to have more information leak. As for questions you may get asked, we have asked our publicists to ensure that all will be avoided in future interviews. If there happens to be a time when you do get asked,” He looks over to the boys, “The answer is to not answer. We will handle it.” He purses his lips to create something of a smile.

He gets up to collect our papers, stuffing them in his folder and placing it on top of his binder. He stays standing, “Since we’ve moved the trainees, there are more dorms available. You boys will be moved to the same unit Kanako resides in. The rooms are more spacious and we’ve decided to split it up in two, so who is staying in who’s dorm is up to you seven. As for you all in total,”

His gaze travels to mine, “I urge you all to stick together during this time, including Kanako. It might be helpful for you to have peers to talk to. There may be other meetings as the situation develops, but for right now I encourage everyone to rest.” Ah, the calm before the storm.

He gives one last bow before leaving the conference room. Once the door has closed and the dust settles, I hear a small voice.

“Does this mean I can move in with Kanako?” Jungkook whispers.

FEBRUARY 16TH, 2012, 12:00PM

I hear loud footsteps and the voices of the same boys I was with just outside my dorm. This has been happening for two hours now, and I assumed they were moving into their new dorms. I took these few hours to ease my mind, turning off my phone semi-permanently. I thought it was best I avoid any news outlets or messages from people I went to school with. I’m sure my phone is about to implode with how many texts and missed calls I’m getting.

Besides, there’s no family members that I need to contact. A painful reminder as I stuff my phone in my junk drawer. I take a deep breath before stepping outside my room, seeing a box toppled over with clothes and various objects pooling the floor. Taehyung and Jimin are bickering in the other dorm, and Jungkook runs outside to see me when he hears my door open.

“Kanako! Help us!” He begs, and I tilt my head in confusion. He grabs my wrist to lead me inside the dorm, but when I feel his grip I back away aggressively, jerking my hand from his. The notion was too familiar, my spine being sent chills when I remembered his name. Haneul. I know Jungkook didn’t mean any harm, but when I saw, felt, his long fingers on my wrist I went into fight or flight.

“D-Don’t do that.” I say assertively, rubbing my wrist with my other hand. His expression falls, and I sense he’s at a loss for words.

The edges of his mouth turn into a gentle smile, “Of course, I’m sorry. Do you-would you like to come in and help us move in?” He asks, gesturing to me to come in. He’s not upset with me?

I accept his request and caress his arm in reassurance as I step inside. The place is mostly empty, with boxes and tubs on top of each other. Yoongi is on his back, underneath the bunk bed. Jungkook follows and stands next to me, sighing, “He thinks the creaking noise it’s making means it’s broken. He’s been at this for thirty minutes.”

I laugh and walk over to Yoongi, leaning down so I’m on my hands and knees. I lean my head down to meet with him, looking at him with curiosity. “You know these beds are very, very old. Actually, the one in my dorm is 10 years old, I’ve been told. And it has not collapsed once.” I say. He plops his head down on the carpet, “That’s not a problem when your bed isn’t being slept on by two people.” His voice is slightly muffled.

I hum, “That’s true. But listen,” I scooch under the small space so we’re lying side by side. The space between us is minimal to none, and if we turn our faces we’d only be inches away from each other. I realize this closeness and in turn, my cheeks flush. “Nothing is going to happen.” I assure him.

He licks his lips and closes his eyes, “It’s better hearing it from your mouth instead of Jungkook’s.” He says, which makes my palms embarrassingly clammy. It also makes me feel like I need to go to the bathroom, badly. But you did not hear that from me. My eyes are hesitant to look at him, but with a leap of faith, I do so anyway. And it feels freeing. I feel like this is how these things are supposed to go. Natural, awkward.

These feelings are okay to have. As long as you don’t go any further.

But I think back to last night, when he let me rest my head on his shoulder for what felt like hours. When he saw me after my horrible dinner, mascara down my face and snot dribbling above my upper lip. He’s already seen me. He knows me, he knows what I look like when I’m broken down, vulnerable. Then why is it that I still need a wall between us? Why is it that I feel like I’ve failed when he looks at me the way he’s looking at me right now?

His almond eyes are almost blurred from the darkness of being underneath this bed, but I can still see him, and he sees me. X-ray vision. He looks down to my lips in a quick motion, and I feel my breath hitch. But I’m leaning over, and so is he. We’re so close to each other, I can feel his breath on my face. It has a hint of mint and something else I assume to be his breakfast.

And I want to be his next meal, in the most wholesome sense of the phrase.

“Kanako..”

“I love when you say my name.” I confess in the form of a whisper.

His lips brush mine, before I’m grabbed and dragged from my ankles. I bonk my head on the edge of the bed and look at Taehyung who’s looking at me like a lost puppy. I rub my forehead and close my eyes, unable to process what just happened this past minute.

“What the fuck..” I groan. My head throbbing.

Yoongi scooches from under the bed so he’s sitting up next to me, staring at Taehyung with a look I can’t read but it seems like Taehyung can. He stutters, “I-uh, we just…sorry about that, Kanako.” Tae hangs his head low. I try to shake my head but I’m too busy soothing the pain that’s building up in my frontal lobe, surely damaging it. “Uh, it's fine. What is it?”

Taehyung pouts, “Is it true Jungkook is staying with you? And if so, can we all take turns spending the night because I think it’s very unfair that he gets to-”

I interrupt him, “No, he’s not staying with me.” I sigh, “Jungkook!” I call out his name in annoyance. I hear small thuds that turn into louder ones, Jungkook peering from the dorm door. His head peaks in slightly, afraid of being scolded. “I’m sorry but you can’t stay in my dorm, there’s just not enough room! It’s a single.” I say while placing my hand over my heart playfully, emphasizing my pity.

He pouts just like Taehyung, “But maybe you could sleep over here sometimes? Now there’s no excuse for you not to, it’s not like you’re doing anyth-”

“Jungkook.” Yoongi snaps.

The young boy nods in apology, “Just a couple nights a week?”

I roll my eyes, “A couple nights a week, sure.”

click here to read more of this story!

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guizh0ng · 1 month

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Remember

Chapter 8: Rumor Has It..

(TW: OOC ALOT OF OOC SO STFU)

"Shinden. Sono gādian ga kaettekita" ("The Shrine..Its Guardian is back").

Sora remained as quiet as possible, hoping to eavesdrop on the two of them and hear more of the conversation, yes she didn't even know what they were talking about, but the way the ladies talk says like it was something important and she was curious to hear more of that.

She slowly moved closer, trying to get a better position where she could hear their conversation better.

"Nani.. ? Mori no naka no furui jinja no kotodesu ka? Demo sore wa mō hōki sa reta n janai no?" ("What..? Do you mean THE old Shrine in the forest? But didn't that got abandoned already?")

"Hai! Demo obāsan wa mite ita ndesu! Aka to shiro no kimono o kita chōshin no dansei de,-gatana o motte imasu! O bāchan ga kare ni chikadzukou to shita toki, kare wa kanojo o sashi-sō ni narimashita" ("Yes! But Grandmother saw it! A tall man wearing a red and white kimono, and he has a sword! When Grandmother tried to approach him, he almost stabbed her!")

"Sate, anata wa ima kore o detchiagete iru dakedesu" ("Okay now you're just making this up")

"Iya, honkida yo, chikau yo!" ("NO I'M SERIOUS I SWEAR")

"E e, sonotōri.." ("Yeah, Right..")

Sora breathed a sigh of relief as she heard the two of them walking away and their footsteps fading.

She finally let out a tense breath as she turned back towards herself and began trying to recall the information she had just heard.

Sora tried to remember everything that she had heard and tried to piece it all together in a logical way, considering the context.

Shrine..?

Guardian..?

What do they mean?

'Wait, why am I even thinking about a stupid rumour..its probably not real..probably, but what if..okay stop!'

Sora shook her head and snapped herself out of the useless thoughts that had been swarming around her.

She clasped her hands on her cheeks and rolled her eyes lightly, trying to stay focused on more productive thoughts.

After composing herself, she took a deep breath and exhaled sharply.

"I should go back..she'll worry, I can see the stands tomorrow.." Sora softly mumbled to herself as she started to walk back to her room.

She was slightly disappointed that she had to retreat to her room, but she knew that it was the more sensible decision at the moment.

Sora was an 'agent' now, after all, not a little kid who wanted to see silly lights.

Although sometimes, she wishes she wasn't.

Sora came back into her room, finding that Adrianne and Viktoriya were still sleeping soundly just as she had left them before.

She quietly slipped back into her futon, feeling disappointed that she couldn't fall asleep after all, even though she was exhausted.

Sora's mind is filled with regrets about not going to see the displays and her curiosity about the rumour has only grown stronger.

Her mind was now filled with regrets and curiosity, and she swears one day this curiosity of hers will kill her.

_____________________________________________

Sora woke up the next morning feeling exhausted, as she had barely gotten any sort of complete sleep the night before.

She rose from her bed with a small groan of frustration, noticing that Adrianne and Viktoriya were both gone from their futons.

Sora let out a heavy sigh as she realized that she was now all alone in the room.

She also wondered where the two had gone and what they could be up to.

Sora got up from her bed and decided it would be best if she got changed before she went out to meet up with the two others again, wherever they were.

She opened her suitcase and proceeded to pull out a large clump of clothes, which she suspected was a long dress.

However, she couldn't say for sure as she hadn't seen the clothes yet.

Sora sighed and stood up from the suitcase, thinking that it would take quite a while for her to change into the dress if she decided to try it on.

Sora took off her clothes and began to put on the 'dress', or technically a kimono, that she had taken from inside the suitcase.

She ignored the slight pain from the bullet wound on her arm as she continued to dress in the more traditional Japanese clothing.

Once she was done and had the kimono fully on, she took a look at herself and examined her appearance.

Sora wore a beautiful floral-designed purple kimono that featured long sleeves.

The bright colours and intricate patterns of the floral designs created a very eye-catching outfit.

As she stood in front of the mirror, the kimono was slightly loose on her, allowing her to move around freely and comfortably.

She thought that she looked like a complete Japanese lady with the kimono on, for some reason, it felt wrong and right at the same time.

Sora gently closed the sliding door once walked out of the room, her eyes now blinded by the bright sunlight.

She quickly covered her sight with her sleeves, wanting to avoid any unnecessary nuisances like brightness right in the early hours of the day.

She proceeded calmly and slowly as she tried to adjust her eyes to the brightness of the sun.

Sora made her way out of the building and walked along the hallways, where a few of the workers greeted her with a smile.

She politely returned their gestures, giving a small nod or wave, even if it wasn't seen.

Once she made it out to the entrance outside, she stepped outside and squinted her eyes as she attempted to look for her fellow agents.

The bright sunlight was starting to slowly become more bearable, but it still left her slightly blinded.

"Hey, Over here!" Sora turned her head towards the sound of the voice calling her, hoping to find out who it was.

It didn't take her long to find who it was, she quickly spotted Adrianne waving her hand up in the air from near another's building, wearing a short kimono.

Sora noticed that Adrianne's kimono featured a green, floral design, which was quite common for this area as she noticed, as well as the short skirt that only went up to her knees.

Sora also noticed the pink and green socks with the black boots, which was a bit of an..interesting combination to put it in a nicer tone but Sora didn't judge anyone's style choices.

Instead, she simply shrugged and let Adrianne be with her weird outfit choice.

Sora quickly sped up her pace and walked towards the other agent.

When she reached her, Sora gave a polite bow as a way of greeting.

"Took ya long enough to get here" Sora rolled her eyes internally when she heard Adrianne snicker, questioning why she was dealing with yet another nuisance first thing in the morning.

Was it gonna be worse from here? She hoped not.

Sora shook her head slightly as she tried to remain positive and keep her composure, "Where's Viktoriya?"

"Geez, do you miss her that much? Don't you wanna see your dear instructor too?" Sora instantly recognized the sickly sweet tone that Adrianne had put on, causing her to roll her eyes mentally again.

Adrianne seemed to enjoy teasing Sora whenever she got the chance, causing the latter to sigh in frustration.

'No. I rather not.' Sora thought to herself.

"Just drop it, Where's Viktoriya?" Sora asked once more in a nonchalant expression, causing Adrianne to cross her arms and look at her.

"I know I said you should get to the point when attacking during our trainings but can't you chill for a while?" Sora looked at Adrianne with an impatient gaze, wanting to get this conversation over with so that she could go do something more productive.

Adrianne seemed to find Sora's response quite amusing, as she continued to chuckle internally, "Okay fine, Viktoriya's inside, she's been waiting for you" She pointed at the door on the building behind her.

Sora couldn't help but facepalm internally when Adrianne finally answered her question and told her where Viktoriya was.

'Of course that's she were! I mean why else Adrianne is standing in front of this conveniently placed building!.. I need to get my common sense checked' Sora sighed to herself.

Sora nodded in response to Adrianne's answer and walked past her to the building - in proper terms, kaiseki, that was located right behind her.

Adrianne watched Sora as she made her way to the building.

_____________________________________________

Viktoriya sat there in her seat awaiting Sora's arrival.

She had sent Adrianne outside in case Sora went looking for them, and she had let the new agent get some rest.

This might seem unprofessional but this was all an investment on Viktoriya's part, as she knows that if Sora got some decent sleep, she would be able to perform better on the mission that they were on.

Viktoriya continued to sit down with a cup of green tea in her right hand as she took a light sip.

The morning had started very calm, with only a few minor interruptions so far.

Viktoriya was thankful that she had asked Iris not to give her a kimono, she never liked the thought of wearing one either.

Viktoriya wore a plain black yukata with a dark blue obi around her waist as she sat there and sipped her cup of green tea.

She had her hair twisted into a messy bun, which was pinned down with a blue and gold floral pen, a simple yet effective way to complete the look.

She was also wearing a pair of wooden geta sandals, which made the outfit even more simplistic and appropriate for the sake of blending in.

She wished she didn't have to wear the floral pin, but for the mission's worth, it was necessary.

Viktoriya suddenly felt her earpiece connect, hidden behind her hair that fell from the tie of her bun.

She pressed it closer to her ear to allow for clear communication with the person on the other end.

She cleared her throat to prepare herself for speaking, but she would have to wait for the person on the other end to start talking first.

"Mazekeen," It was Iris, Viktoriya immediately fixed her posture as if it was an instinct "How are things going there?" She asked, sounding concerned and Viktoriya wasn't a fool not to notice this.

"Affirmative" Viktoriya responded as she heard the voice on the other end of the earpiece.

She lightly gestured her cup in a circular motion before drinking and finishing it all.

"..Yeah, sorry, I was just worried in all of this, especially with Sora..being new and..them being back" The voice of Iris could be heard on the other line as she spoke to Viktoriya.

Iris seemed to be slightly frustrated as she had to pause her words in certain parts.

Viktoriya chuckled lightly and smiled, "Yeah I know, don't worry, are you okay?" Viktoriya asked Iris another question.

She felt a bit strange about the way she was speaking to her, she knew herself in all of the years but she never actually genuinely talked to someone like this, but she assumed it was just the way for Iris to get to people's hearts, like always.

Iris's unique charm was a great thing to have as her business partner and friend, but Viktoriya still wished that she could have done more for her.

"I am, just thinking y'know.. for the future of this agency, I just-..After everything I've been through, I don't want it all to go to waste" Viktoriya was aware that Iris often tended to overthink during missions, which could sometimes become quite annoying.

However, now that Iris had stopped doing so, temporarily, Viktoriya knew that it probably meant that there was something more significant than just simple overthinking going on, she knew where she was getting this from.

The two of them had been working together for many years now, She knew that she was probably right in her assumptions.

"But I'm still here with you, I'll still be here till the end, partner" Viktoriya's smile grew bigger as she heard Iris laughing lightly on the other end.

"Pfft- HAHAHA! That's so corny!" Iris was laughing heartily on the other end, and Viktoriya couldn't help but smirk at the sound of her laughter.

"But hey, it made you laugh, didn't it?" Viktoriya leaned in towards the table and raised an eyebrow, amused by the comment that Iris had said. Even though

Viktoriya could not see her, she still got the feeling that Iris was rolling her eyes for a moment, "Yeah, yeah.. good luck, Mazekeen" Iris cut off the call, leaving Viktoriya alone with her thoughts.

It was nice talking to a friend.

Viktoriya found herself randomly smiling for no apparent reason, but she quickly shook herself and returned to her professional persona.

'Right! The mission, focus Mazekeen, don't mess this up!' Viktoriya repeated on her head multiple times.

Just as the call ended, Sora and Adrianne both conveniently entered the room and took up their positions beside Viktoroya.

Sora sat to her right, while Adrianne took her place on her left.

"Ohayo" (Good Morning) Sora greeted Viktoriya in a very tired mood, while the latter gave a polite nod in acknowledgement, "Anata mo ohayō" She replied.

'She looks tired even getting more sleep than the both of us..eh, who am I to judge, I slept for two days once and I looked like I'd been making up theories for days when I woke up' Viktoriya's thoughts were totally different from her expression as she plastered up an automatic smile to Sora.

"Are you ready for today?" Viktoriya asked Sora a question while Adrianne called up for the chef in the background.

Sora looked dumbfounded when Viktoriya asked her the question, her jaw slightly dropping in response, "Today?"

'If she's not ready, she has a high chance of getting herself killed...maybe I should've gotten that deal on coffins when I had the chance' Viktoriya thought to herself.

"Oh, yeah! I'm so ready..!" Sora nervously replied, but the latter could tell that Sora was just trying to play it off.

"Really? Then what are we doing today?" Viktoroya put in an as if, innocent manner as she asked Sora another question.

However, Sora started to stutter and avoid eye contact, a clear sign that she was feeling nervous about the conversation, "Uhm, for the.."

"We're gonna go around the square today, getting to know the place and locals, I'm sure they have a lot we can use for what we need" Viktoriya quickly interrupted Sora before she could make a complete mess of herself and ended up embarrassing herself.

Adrianne slipped a cup of tea into Viktoriya's hands, which was a good thing, as she needed another good morning tea to get her going.

"Right." Sora briefly said.

"Anyways, we're gonna split around the square, I'll inform you later where you'll go but I'm asking, since your new, do you want someone to accompany you? I could simply ask..'Sayuki' to accompany you" Viktoroya gestured towards Adrianne, who was now busy slurping a bowl of hot ramen, clearly enjoying her time as her attention was on her meal.

Sora's thoughts were elsewhere now, her mind seemingly fixated on being alone with Adrianne.

"Nope, no thank you." Sora straightforwardly declined, even shaking her head for extra measure.

"Alright..just remember to call us up when you need us" Viktoroya said but Sora's eyes grew confused as she realized that something was amiss.

Sora wasn't wearing her earpiece right now, and she had lost hers on the last mission.

Sora was about to correct Viktoriya when she suddenly took something out of her belt obi and looked back at Sora.

Viktoriya gently pinned Sora's hair behind her ears and positioned the earpiece perfectly so it could be secured in place.

Sora was quite taken aback by the gesture, feeling slightly flustered even.

However, she quickly cleared her throat and looked back at Viktoriya, "..Thanks" She replied briefly, not being able to look for her long, she turned away quickly.

Viktoriya smiled at Sora, seeing that she was trying to hide her appreciative feelings.

It was cute to see her struggle to keep cool, and Viktoriya decided to just let her be for now, "No problem"

"What's the problem?" Adrianne suddenly poppedinton the conversation as she held both hands on her empty bowl, Sora slightly frowned on her random appearance, not noticed.

"Nothing, say where's our food anyways?" Viktoriya turned her body to face Adrianne but she just looked at her blankly.

"Oh! I didn't know you guys wanted food, I only got two bowls for me, actually, this isn't enough, Chef!" Adrianne immediately raised her hand calling up the person in charge of the food.

"Of course you did" Viktoriya replied hollowly.

_____________________________________________

After having their breakfasts, Viktoriya immediately instructed them to start scouting their respective areas for any suspicious activities.

Adrianne would scout near the forest, while Viktoriya would wander around the village itself. Sora was sent to the nearby marketplace area, which she was more than happy to oblige.

With the group all assigned their areas, Viktoriya made sure that they each knew what they were supposed to do and be on the lookout for.

Once everything was clear, all of them went to their separate ways.

Sora arrived at the marketplace and immediately got swamped with visual and sensory stimuli.

The whole area was crowded with people, and the sound of happy chatting was all around her.

The atmosphere was cheerful and peaceful, adding up to the wonderful aromatic aromas that filled the air from the variety of food stalls.

Sora felt her once-dreaded spirits lift as she took in the sights and sounds of the vibrant marketplace.

It was a complete contrast to her previous mission with its dark and dreary atmosphere, and Sora felt energized and excited by all the positive energy surrounding her.

While Sora found herself completely captivated by the lively atmosphere of the marketplace, she still remembered that she was here on a mission.

'Focus! You have your priorities, yes but we need to do this mission properly if we wanna go back!' Sora was about to actually start on her goal until she was captivated yet by another stand '..Okay, one last glance'

Sora could feel her willpower faltering, and she was just about to give in to her final desire.

The stand looked like it was quite worn out, as the sign was almost falling off, but the sweet old lady running it was just too sweet-looking for Sora to turn away.

Besides, she was selling some cute little pieces of fabric that had patterns on them.

Sora looked over at the different designs that the old lady had on display.

Some were designed with intricate waves, some with delicate floral patterns, and some were even just simple lines and shapes.

They were all very beautiful and vibrant, and Sora was instantly drawn into their details.

"Hitotsu hoshīdesu ka, shin'ainaru?" ("Would you like one, dear?") The old lady perked up, sensing Sora's gaze.

Sora had tilted her head up to look at the lady, "O ō! Īe! Tada mi teta dakedesu… gomen'nasai" ("O-oh! No! I was just looking..sorry") Sora's reply was a bit shy and timid, as she was being extra cautious with her word choice.

She didn't want to accidentally say something that would upset the old lady, or even worse, make her suspicious.

"Shinpaishinaidekudasai, muryō de te ni ireru koto ga dekimasu.. Kono shissoku wa dōse nagaku wa tsudzukanaideshou.." ("Don't worry dear, you can have it for free..this stall won't last long anyway..") The old lady's reply was rather somber, as she shared how she felt about losing things.

Sora could relate to the old lady's feelings, as she had gone through something similar.

She had lost everything she knew for most of her life too, and the pain of that was still fresh in her mind.

"Naze?" ("Why?") Sora gently asked the old lady a short question, trying to engage her in some conversation.

The old lady looked melancholy, "Ā, chōdo watashinokazoku no jidai ga kita nodesu... Watashitachi ga kazoku no jinja o ushinatte irai, hoka no hitohamina, gendai-tekina seikatsu yōshiki ni ikō shimashita... Watashitachi wa sono jinja de pafōmansu o hirō shi, dentō o tsukuri, arayuru basho de watashitachi no isan o jikkō shite imashita. Sedai... Demo ima wa mō nakunatte shimattaga, watashitachi wa mada koko ni iru" ("Oh, its just my family's time has come..ever since we lost our family shrine, everyone else moved on to a modern way of living..you see we used to perform and make traditions in that Shrine, carrying out our legacy in every generation..but now it's gone, but we're still here")

Sora's heart softened as she sympathized with the old lady, feeling bad at seeing the woman's melancholic expression.

Sora wanted to hug her so badly but she wasn't sure if the lady would appreciate a hug from a total stranger at this time.

Wait, did she say, shrine?

'Ah SHIT, I completely forgot to tell Viktoroya about that.." Sora bit her lip and cursed herself silently for forgetting to relay important information to the team leader at such a crucial time.

But now that the old lady had mentioned it, something seemed rather off.

There was supposed to be someone at the shrine according to what she had heard in whoever she heard from last night, but it seemed the old lady claimed that they lost the shrine, meaning its abandoned..

Now Sora was unsure which one was the correct shrine, or if there was indeed an entirely different shrine in town..

"Soshite kono jinja wa haikyo ni natte shimatta…?" ("And this shrine was abandoned..?") Sora queried tilting her head to the side.

"Zan'nen'nagara,-sōdesu. Menimieru mori no naka ni aru node, soko ni kite hōmon suru no wa muzukashīdesu.." "Unfortunately, yes..its within the forest you see so it's hard to come there and take a visit.."

'Something doesnt add up..do I have to check it out myself..' Sora sighed and agreed to her thoughts, she bowed down to the lady to say farewell.

As she quickly dashed to leave the stand until she suddenly stopped to remember something and walked backward to the old lady's stand.

"E ̄ tto, moshi yoroshikereba saki hodo no ofā wa mada nokotte imasu ka?" ("Umm..if you don't mind, is the offer earlier still stands?") Sora hoped she hadn't come across as rude but she still gave her best effort at asking her question anyway.

"Mochiron, sukinamono o erande kudasai" ("Ofcourse dear, pick whatever you like") the old lady smiled sweetly as Sora's eyes grew in delight.

_____________________________________________

Adrianne had been hanging out on a tree for quite some time now, looking for any signs that would signal a connection to this mission.

She had become rather bored from the lengthy duration of this watch and was starting to roll her eyes in frustration.

However, as she rolled her eyes, she finally spotted someone familiar passing by in the distance.

It was Sora.

"Huh, what the.."

Adrianne saw Sora look around her area before making her way towards the forest, which was quite strange.

Sora's intended place to patrol was the marketplace, not the forest.

That's when Adrianne realized that something very suspicious was going on..

There seemed to be no logical reason why Sora would just abandon her area without explaining her reasoning to anyone.

Adrianne had already been bored out of her mind during this mission, and now someone interesting had finally caught her attention.

So she decided to take matters into her own hands and follow Sora wherever she was heading.

_____________________________________________

Viktoriya walks through the village and exchanges friendly greetings with the locals, acting like she was a part of the community.

She also helped out the elderly villagers with their daily tasks, as they seemed to make up the bulk of the population.

While everything seemed quite peaceful on the surface, Viktoriya couldn't help but think that this calm atmosphere felt a bit too quiet for her liking..

Things were too peaceful in the village for her to trust completely, and she had a feeling that something was bound to happen eventually.

As she continued to walk through the village, Viktoroya's ears caught on some news being spread around by the locals.

Any information, even false news, could be invaluable in her eyes, and she was willing to collect it and assess its validity later.

".. Yamada no kodomo ga kesa yukue fumei ni narimashitaga, nani ga okashī ka wakarimasu ka, darekaga shin'nyū shita keiseki wa mattaku arimasendeshita" ("..Yamada's child disappeared just this morning but you know what's strange, there wasn't a single sign that someone broke in") A middle-aged woman chatting softly to another woman, who was obviously very shocked by whatever she had heard from the first woman.

"Nani? Chōkō wa hitotsu mo arimasen ka?" ("What? Not a single sign?")

"Kon'nichiwa, minasan, o ni-ri no kaiwa ga kikoezu ni haira remasendeshitaga, kore wa dō iu kotodeshou ka?" ("Why hello ladies, I couldn't help but hear the conversation between you two, what's this all about?") Viktoriya approached the two women with a charming and confident demeanor.

She had used this strategy on several missions before, and she was quite proud of it.

Her pride was apparent in her thoughts, but her expression remained neutral as she hid her emotions behind a smile.

Obviously, her charm worked like a 'charm' during their conversation, as the two women seemed quite flattered by Viktoroya's pleasant demeanor.

"Ō! Anata wa nanto utsukushī wakai joseideshou. Tsumari, kesa, watashitachiha kodomo no fukōna shissō ni tsuite hanashiatte ita tokorodesu" ("Oh! What a beautiful young lady you are..I mean, we were just discussing a child's unfortunate disappearance this morning..") The first woman's tone changed from one of flusteredness to a sad one, her mood abruptly shifting.

The other woman stepped in and took over, "Sōda ne! Jissai, sore wa shibaraku mae kara okotte imasuga, sono riyū wa dare mo shirimasen. Shikashi, kita no mura no hitobito ni wa tsuneni onaji koto ga okotte iru tame, ichibu no hitobito wa basho o idō shite imasu" ("Ye-Yeah! Actually it's been happening for some time now and no one knows why..but it always happens to the people in the North village, that's why some of them are moving places") ,as she tried to comfort the first woman and help her regain her composure.

"Ā, hontōni gomen'nasai, minasan no anzen o inotte imasu." ("Oh..I'm so sorry about that, I wish all of you safety..") Viktoriya adopted a sad tone in her voice as she bowed down to the women, putting on an expression, apologetic, and so she walked away with a sad tone in her voice and a look of apology on her face.

Viktoriya felt satisfied with the information she had acquired from the women, smiling.

She hadn't wanted to press them further for more information since it seemed to be a sensitive topic, but she still had her curiosity aroused and wanted to dig a bit deeper.

Viktoriya decided that she would gather the information herself, as getting it from the locals first-hand would probably provide her with more details.

_____________________________________________

Adrianne was following after Sora into the forest, feeling quite bewildered by the whole situation.

She didn't have a precise idea of what she was supposed to do here, and she was feeling odd and curious about what was going on.

The fact that she was sneaking into someone else's place to patrol was definitely suspicious, and Adrianne felt uncomfortable with the whole thing.

Adrianne kept on following Sora through the woods, feeling a sense of slight judgment towards the woman's level of awareness.

If it were anyone else following her through the woods, Sora would probably be dead by now.

Sora had stopped in front of an ornate shrine with a red-colored gate for the first entrance.

Adrianne had been observing her every move, and she could tell that Sora was hesitating to enter the place.

"Just what are you up to.." Adrianne quietly uttered words under her breath as she watched Sora finally enter the shrine.

She had decided to take a different route than Sora, going through the outside area between the main path and the sacred forest near the shrine.

This would allow her to remain unnoticed while still being able to observe Sora's movements from a safe distance.

Adrianne continued to follow behind, but she noticed that the shrine was empty and rusted, though it still retained its beauty and cleanliness.

It was..odd now that the shrine was abandoned, especially with how well-maintained it still was.

This place locating deep in the middle of the forest was also strange, Adrianne let out a scoff in disbelief.

The whole situation seemed suspicious about why the shrine was so well-preserved and why it was placed in this remote location.

The walk was indeed pretty long, and Adrianne was slowly making her way along the side of the path.

She kept using her fingertips to touch the vegetation along the side as she occasionally stole glances towards Sora.

Adrianne didn't seem pleased with Sora's overall aloof and careless behavior, as though she hadn't taken away any of the lessons from their training.

Adrianne huffed and looked at Sora with a disappointed expression, as though she expected more from Sora but wasn't getting it.

Adrianne took another glance at Sora and saw that she had finally stopped walking.

She had arrived in front of the Komainu, the stone guardian lion-dogs that guarded the shrine.

'Alright, this is getting weird..' Adrianne thought to herself, 'I mean yeah Sora is weird from the moment I met her but this is beyond that level..'

Adrianne was thinking about the odd situation with Sora when she saw her about to touch the stone guardian lion-dogs that guarded the shrine.

However, before Sora could do anything, Adrianne sensed a dangerous presence about to charge Sora from the side.

Acting on instinct, Adrianne immediately jumped over to the main path and pushed Sora away before dropping down on the ground with her.

She dragged Sora along with her, feeling as if they had narrowly avoided an attack.

Adrianne quickly got up and scanned the area looking for possible culprits.

"WHA– HEY!.. Wait, weren't you.." Sora's voice had just begun when Adrianne silenced her by covering her lips with her hands.

The quick and unexpected action caught Sora by surprise, and she let out a slight murmur of confusion as Adrianne shushed her silence.

Sora's wide eyes stared up at Adrianne as she was pinned to the ground, awaiting further explanations on what the heck was going on.

Why did Adrianne cover Sora's mouth?

Why was she shushing her?

What the hell was going on here?

"How about more hush-y and less touching random objects unguard-ly" Adrianne spat out some words in a frantic tone, and Sora rolled her eyes at Adrianne's strange choice of word usage.

"Mrkin oh it.." Despite Adrianne's attempts to silence Sora's voice, it was still clearly perceptible.

Sora's muffled voice could be heard even with Adrianne covering her mouth, and a slight edge of impatience could be heard in her whispers.

Adrianne took out her pocket knife from her Obi.

The sharp blade shone brightly under the setting sun as her guard was fully on alert, awaiting any sign of an imminent attack.

Just then, Adrianne felt another dangerous presence about to strike at her from another direction, causing her to react swiftly.

She quickly got up but was a bit too slow as the mysterious figure suddenly attacked her from behind.

Her sandals dragged roughly along the ground due to her sudden movement, and her razor-sharp knife just barely parried the attacker's katana in time to prevent her from getting injured.

Sora was watching the entire event unfold from the floor, and she felt a mixture of shock and terror as she witnessed Adrianne struggle against the mysterious attacker.

Sora quickly got up and moved away from the fight to a safe distance, her body shaking slightly from nervousness and fear.

The sight of an intense fight was overwhelming for her, especially having that she had no idea who this man was or how strong he was.

She kept her distance from the fight while watching Adrianne bravely face off against the mystery opponent.

The sudden clash of blades caused a sharp sound as it echoed throughout the forest, and Adrianne was slightly off-balance due to the unexpected attack.

Adrianne faced her mysterious attacker, standing there unblinking as she struggled against him.

The attacker had white skin and stares at her with his teal-colored eyes in a seemingly emotionless expression.

Adrianne noticed that the man was wielding a sharp katana, which he was holding in a perfect stance.

As he moved his arm, Adrianne also spotted something quite peculiar.

His sleeves had rolled down due to his arm movement, revealing the shape of a watermelon etched into the man's wrist.

Adrianne immediately knew what this meant.

Adrianne snickered, "Hah..I see those assassins are still old-school, sending a samurai..LIKE YOU" She said as her breath was limiting as this goes on, still attempting to stab the man on the side with her knife.

However, the man was quick to react and knocked Adrianne to the ground by using the handle of his katana to strike her stomach.

Despite Adrianne's best efforts, the man was too fast and agile for her to get a clear hit in.

Adrainne grunted as the blow landed firmly on her stomach, and she coughed roughly as she pressed her arm against it as to stop the pain.

She was about to get up and continue fighting against the mysterious samurai, but he quickly reacted and pointed his katana at her cheek, cutting it slightly.

The cut to her cheek was just a minor wound, but it was nothing compared to the pain that she had felt on her stomach.

Adrianne looked up at the samurai, observing his features.

The man had long dark purple hair that was tied high up and neatly, extending all the way down to the middle of his back.

The samurai was dressed in a traditional Japanese attire, consisting of a red haori over a black-colored nagagi kimono with a white umanori-style hakama.

He also wore a pair of zori with red straps, and white tabi socks.

"I work for no one, I only serve for my family's legacy." The samurai spat at Adrianne, and while she couldn't understand what he said, she didn't like the tone of his voice either.

Adrianne's brows furrowed in disapproval at the man's attitude, and she decided to use her feet to sweep him off his feet with a swift kick.

The samurai was caught off-guard by the unexpected blow, and he fell to the ground with a grunting sound.

The samurai was about to fall onto Adrianne, but she reacted swiftly and rolled over to the side just in time to avoid being pinned down.

Adrianne took her opportunity to try and retreat to the forest, but a sharp hand grabbed her on her ankle, causing her to fall down face-first on the ground as she lost grip from her pocket knife.

Adrianne's body took a real beating from the samurai's attacks, and her inability to regain her bearings was growing increasingly difficult.

The combination of the pain from her previous wounds and the constant physical exertion was slowing her down, and she was beginning to worry that she would not be able to get up this time.

As her thoughts began to spiral in a panic, she suddenly remembered Sora.

'WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?'

Adrianne was just getting ready to search for Sora when another sharp pain shot through her hand, causing her to let out a shrill scream of agony.

She looked up just to see that her hand had been stabbed all the way through, and a heavy foot had stepped on her back causing her to fall back down.

Her painful screams echoed within the shrine walls and filled the surrounding area, but the samurai was completely unaffected by her cries.

He looked down at Adrianne with a cold stare and no sign of empathy whatsoever.

As Adrianne finally gave in to all the pain and passed out, her cries faded out along with her consciousness.

The samurai finally removed his katana from her hand, taking a moment to examine its bloodstained blade before sheathing it back into his scabbard.

The man watched over Adrianne's unconscious body with an expression devoid of any emotion or sympathy.

The samurai turned his body and his gaze towards Sora, who had witnessed the tragic incident that had just occurred.

Sora was cornered on one side, sitting with her knees pulled close and her hand firmly covering her mouth, almost as if trying to hold back tears of fear and despair.

Sora's eyes were wide with terror and shock from the whole situation, and she was clearly terrified by everything that she had just seen.

The samurai walked slowly towards Sora, and her body froze in a mixture of fear and helplessness.

She wanted to get up and defend herself, but she felt utterly powerless after witnessing what he did to Adrianne.

Sora was weak compared to him, and she knew it.

The samurai finally reached Sora, crouching down to her level and making eye contact with her for a few long seconds.

Sora felt a chill run through her spine as she locked eyes with the samurai.

After a while, the samurai suddenly struck her neck with his hand, causing Sora to lose awareness and fall to the ground in an unconscious state.

"Sleep Well."

#assasin au #i made this for my friend #mafia au #original character #original work #personal work #spy au

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soda-boots · 1 year

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Ep2 - a harsh, incandescent sorrow

I hate being alone. Ironic because I spend most of my time alone.

I always feel slightly left out. I don't even know if I want to go into this because I feel like I'm just feeding into all my negative feelings. What do you mean you feel like an outsider. You go to these societies and seemingly fit in. I feel so awkward interacting with people sometimes, in fact all the time.

They speak and I reply, but I never truly feel like I've succeeded with the interaction. Like I have I truly connected with you? This may just be me being overly critical with myself, but I truly feel like I never have anything useful to say. Maybe that's why I feel so compelled to write my feeling out and share them than say them aloud to other people. I talk aloud to myself in private, free from the judgement and the glare of others. In my head I'm surely the funniest and smartest person out there, right? My jokes are always the funniest to me. Im not scared of alienating myself from myself. Though I hate the sound of my one voice when its bounced back at me through a recording. It sounds whiny and dainty and unintelligible. No one ever understands what I mean 'mushrooms or mustard', " 'Immigrant song' - what's that?", you do mumble a lot. I just want to be understood, to be seen. To be noticed.

However, is that even true ? When people compliment my shoes it's like yay(?) thank you, but that's so trivial. I appreciate it. Moreover, I feel odd being actually perceived. Someone told me they found my instagram story funny and I was actually shocked that they paid attention to it. I'm always surprised when someone says something to me about something I post. Like oh you see me or this part of me that I've shown.

Ultimately, I think I just struggle being alone, but I enjoy my space and my atmosphere. Almost like I want to be secluded, but still know there are people around me, like when I'm at home. I yearn for that family dynamic whilst I'm not home. Where I can float in my own, but still reach out and merge and sunder from others. It seems like whenever I want to hangout with people, they're indispose. Though this isn't always true (and I will not act like people are running away from me). I hang out with people, and people want to hang out with me. I just yearn for semi-constant company is all at the end of the day.

Do I yearn for a partner ? a girlfriend ? Just a best friend that is around more? Do I want an eternal rest? I don't know. My thoughts are starting to slow, so I must be calming down. I think I need to learn how to just stay alone after moments of social interaction. I need to make my own music (both figuratively and maybe literally too).

I need to be ok with not knowing things and feeling left out because of that. It hurts a little, but what can I do.

album - vulnicura by Bjork. Slightly triggered by forwards beckon rebound by Adrianne lenker (I should listen to more of her stuff).

#adrienne lenker #vulnicura #dear diary #saturday #musings

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anitosoul · 3 years

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My Favorite Albums of 2020

9. Adrienne Lenker, songs/instrumentals

Favorite Tracks: zombie girl | come | not a lot, just forever

This album is really special to me because it’s tied to one of my favorite days of 2020. Amidst the chaos that was the global pandemic, the lead up to the 2020 election, and attempting to continue with life despite all of the external strife, I decided to have a “treat yourself” day alone in the Bronx. I had wanted to check out the Bronx Zoo and NY Botanical Garden since I moved to the city and always saved it thinking it could be a good idea for a date or something, but my solo day in the Bronx ultimately ended up being consolation for the (trying not to be pathetic) fact that I didn’t have anyone to go with. I couldn’t be more grateful, though, that I ended up spending it alone, as this album guided my journey and helped me reflect on a lot of my life and insecurities.

The day I decided to do my Bronx excursion ended up being rainy and dreary, immediately adding a wave of melancholic introspection (and slight disappointment) to my plans. I started off at the zoo and wasn’t really feeling it. It was just weird walking around a zoo alone as a 23 year old and seeing the animals just wasn’t as exciting as I’d remembered it being as a kid. After cutting my losses and walking over to the Botanical Garden, I was immediately more interested in the beautiful plant and flower arrangements throughout the grounds. I got a hot chocolate and walked around until I found a part of the botanical garden that was preserved and protected land, allowing visitors to experience what the area would look like without human development. I found a log and sat down, feeling overwhelmed from the day so far and relieved to take a load off. I remembered that songs had released a few days prior and started playing it from my headphones.

From the moment I put on the album, I was instantly put at ease, feeling a sense of relaxation and calm that I had been seeking all along. Adrianne Lenker recorded the album entirely analog directly to tape in a secluded cabin. In the liner notes, it mentions that the album features “Lenker’s vocals and her playing acoustic guitar, as well using a paint brush and the needles of a white pine tree as instruments. It also features recordings of the rain, the wind, the fire from a wood stove, the chimes on her front porch, the birds, and the insects of the forest.” songs/instrumentals are the ultimate expression of complexity in simplicity: despite the sparse instrumentation, Lenker delivers a rich, gorgeous project filled with deep musicality.

songs is an album drawing upon lived experience, but at its core is a representation of individual interpretation of solitude. In this write-up I don’t want to do the album injustice with some pretentious analysis of the meaning behind Lenker’s thoughtful and deeply personal lyrics; you can read Pitchfork reviews for that. I do want to write about some of the things I ruminated on in the rainy botanical garden forest based on one lyric from my favorite track, zombie girl:

oh, emptiness tell me ‘bout your nature maybe i’ve been getting you wrong i cover you with questions cover you with explanations cover you with music - Adrianne Lenker, “zombie girl”

As I walked through the forest, I thought a lot about what it means to be alone. I thought about the stigma I felt about being out in the world by myself: in so many ways it feels as if the world pushes those who are alone out of sight, as if activity can only be enjoyed with company. I always felt insecure about being alone, realizing the pangs of envy when I would see a couple in the park or through a restaurant window. I felt the pressures from all kinds of sources to fear loneliness, that as a young person I should be constantly seeking sex or a relationship and filling the rest of the time with a vibrant social life, that being single and dating is just a hurdle before finding some sense of security and settling down with someone forever. Ever since I could develop crushes, I found myself feeling an inexplicable longing for fulfillment from another person, but this year I’ve finally started to unpack that feeling. This was the first year I truly felt satisfied just being myself and spending time with myself: the space from work, school, and social life gave opportunity for reflection and connection to the environment, allowing me to realize that I feel just as alive sitting under a tree in the rain as I do moshing with friends at a music festival, that my own self-love can be as affirming as that of a partner.

I also thought about solitude in terms of family and how lucky I am to have the life I live. My parents were both born into poverty in the Philippines, which is basically the least privileged position to be born into in the world given the developing status of the Philippines. Recognizing the amount of struggle that was required from my parents, and all my ancestors long before them, to provide me with such an opportunistic life allowed me to view my situation in a different light. My solitude was powerful and gave me reflective space, but I was not alone: I’m bonded through a beautiful, rich culture that continues to thrive despite the impacts of colonization. The awakening of this ancient connection has spurred powerful healing and inspired a relationship with my heritage that I have never felt before.

By giving emptiness and nature its own space and not covering it with questions, explanations, or music, I’ve gained more wisdom than I’d ever thought possible. I considered the fact that the world is a living system in and of itself and it doesn’t have any expectations for us humans—we’re exploiting it, but it continues to nourish us and give us life. Trees don’t have to establish some elaborate rule system about how not to destroy each other like us humans do, they just exist and help each other. Hearing songs on that rainy forest day was the first step towards my 2021 resolution: be more like trees. Thinking about solitude and nature and the process of recording this album also spurred me to commit to building a sustainable off-grid cabin with my dad, something he’s always talked about and that we’re finally turning into a reality. Overall, this album became much larger than a musical body of work; it became a teacher, perfectly capturing my range of reflective thoughts and inspiring action. To me, this album is like looking at a plant—truly noticing the natural grace of its colors, shapes, and textures—and taking that appreciation a step further, planting a seed to inspire that beauty for others in the future.

#aoty 2020 #aoty #albums #adrienne lenker #music writing #music #reflects

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canonicallyanxious · 3 years

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what’s on your mind?

Druck | Fatou/Kieu My | 1.3k words

Inspired by the following prompts:

“Kieu My finds out that Fatou is not as "chill" or "laid back" as she thought. Fatou opens up and it takes her by surprise.” from Anonymous

“Fatou being kissed on the forehead “ and “zombie girl by adrianne lanker” from @dwarnian

Thanks for prompting me, guys! idk why but listening to this song made me think about being on the metro late at night when no one else is around so that’s what i rolled with. Honestly i’m not 100% sure when this takes place so you know what y’all can decide for yourselves lol. Please enjoy!

She’s sitting across from Fatou on the train, legs stretched carelessly out into the aisle and face turned toward the window. Her chin is propped up on her elbow, hand covering her mouth, but Fatou can still see the way her tired smile touches her eyes. It’s the kind of smile she puts on whenever she thinks no one is looking. A private sort of smile.

More private now than at other times; it’s nearly midnight and there’s no one else in the car with them, nothing but the flickering of the fluorescent lights above their heads and the constant rumbling of the tracks below their feet to keep them company. Fatou leans her head back against the wall and closes her eyes. She’s tired too, as it turns out. God, she’s so tired.

“Hey.” Kieu My’s voice floats over to her from somewhere far away. “Don’t fall asleep on me now.”

Fatou cracks her eyes open and answers her with a lazy grin. “Come keep me awake, then.”

She’s mostly joking so she’s a bit startled when Kieu My actually stands up and makes her way across the aisle. It’s impressive how she doesn’t lose her balance in her big platform boots. Fatou doesn’t know if she can trust her legs right now or even at the best of times. She watches as Kieu My sits down heavily next to her, their sides pressing warmly against each other, and wraps her arms around Fatou’s waist with her head coming to rest on her shoulder. It’s a comforting embrace, as Kieu My’s always are. She likes the way their bodies fit together, Kieu My’s weight solid and real against her. Makes her feel grounded when she needs it the most, rooted to the earth. Being held by someone is as good a reminder as any that she belongs to this world - to right here.

And if it’s someone like Kieu My - all the better.

“Is this helping?” Kieu My says, words vibrating pleasantly against Fatou’s arm.

Fatou leans her cheek against the top of Kieu My’s head. “Cuddling makes me sleepier, actually,” she murmurs.

“Oh no.” Kieu My’s arms tighten around her. “That’s terrible news.”

Fatou laughs as she rests her arm lightly around Kieu My’s shoulder. “Uh huh.”

Kieu My sighs, the feeling of her breath delicate against Fatou’s neck. “Can’t imagine falling asleep on the train, anyway,” she says. “You’d have to be so chill to do something like that.”

Something tightens in the pit of Fatou’s stomach at that, inexplicably. It does feel cold in a way.

“I’m chill, huh,” she says.

She can feel Kieu My shrugging, her arm bumping up against hers a bit. “Aren’t you?”

Her voice is light and teasing so Fatou can tell she means it as a joke or maybe even a compliment. The way it sits in her chest doesn’t feel like it, though. It feels like a heavy stone. Like someone stuck a label on her heart that she didn’t ask for.

“Can I tell you something?” she makes herself say before she can talk herself out of it.

Kieu My hums tunelessly. “What is it?”

Fatou swallows.

“I pretty much never feel that way,” she says quietly.

There’s silence, for a long moment. Fatou worries briefly that she’s offended Kieu My somehow. Then she feels a hand brush against her elbow, and she recognizes it as reassurance. It occurs to her, a little belatedly, that Kieu My is waiting for her to keep going.

“I don’t know.” Fatou taps her fingers lightly against Kieu My’s arm. “People tell me that all the time. Oh, Fatou, you’re so laidback, I wish I could be like you, nothing ever seems to bother you. But it doesn’t feel true. Lots of things bother me.”

“What bothers you?”

It takes Fatou a little while to answer.

Honestly she can’t remember the last time someone asked her something like that.

“Like…” She purses her lips, searching for the words. “Like how I can’t keep things straight in my head. It’s like my brain is a kind of cheese that’s full of holes or something. Forgetting stuff is supposed to be an old person thing so I wonder sometimes if my brain is breaking down before it’s supposed to. If I’m an old person stuck in a young person’s body in the worst way.”

It sounded stupid in her head and it sounds stupider out loud. It doesn’t even make any sense. She wants to smack her head a bit, dislodge the right words - the correct words - from wherever they’re hiding in the back of her mind. But now that she’s started talking, her mouth doesn’t seem to know how to stop.

“And sometimes I feel like a child. Because people our age are supposed to know things, right? We’re supposed to know what we want to do with our lives and how to do things and how to be functioning members of society. But there’s just so much to know and I can’t hold any of it in my brain so sometimes it feels like I don’t know anything about anything. Like I never will. It makes me feel - ”

Dumb? Stupid? Useless? All of the above?

“It makes me feel like a waste of space.”

She cuts herself off, then, a little alarmed to discover the words she hadn’t quite known lived inside her before now. Too much, she thinks, eyes burning. It’s too much and no one needs to hear something like this. Least of all someone like Kieu My.

“I’m sorry,” Kieu My says.

She feels herself blink. “What? Why?”

“I had no idea you had all these things in your head,” Kieu My says. “But I should have known. You carry so much.”

Fatou’s throat is burning now, too. “It’s okay. I never told you.”

“I’m glad you did,” Kieu My says, in a soft way. Fatou can tell she means it.

Kieu My straightens, and Fatou’s arm falls down to her side. Before she can say anything else Kieu My’s hands are on her face and they’re turning her head and now she’s staring right into Kieu My’s eyes, inches away from her own, and the look on her face is completely and utterly serious.

“I need you to repeat something after me,” Kieu My says. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Fatou says, too confused to say anything else.

“You,” Kieu My says, “are not a waste of space.”

And just like that, her whole throat goes dry.

“I’m not a waste of space,” Fatou says. She can hear the way her voice wobbles, just slightly.

Kieu My’s fingertips press into Fatou’s jaw. It’s a strangely nice feeling, like her whole face is being cradled. Like she’s being held afloat through the sheer force of Kieu My’s touch.

“Say it like you mean it,” Kieu My says.

“I’m not a waste of space.” She feels a smile take hold of her mouth before she can quite stop it. It’s kind of an amazing feeling.

Kieu My’s eyes are impossibly bright. “Louder!”

“I’m not a waste of space!” Fatou shouts, voice echoing through the empty train car. It surprises her, how loud her voice can get when there’s no one to hear her. It delights her to hear it. It doesn’t even matter that there’s no one around to witness this. She doesn’t need them to. She is here, and Kieu My is here too. It’s enough.

The thought is so overwhelmingly wonderful she starts to laugh, and then to cry a little. Which would probably make her feel foolish, at a different time. But right now her heart is so full it has no space inside it to feel anything else.

Kieu My tilts Fatou’s face down and presses her lips to her forehead, so gentle it makes something tight in Fatou’s chest melt away, as if it was never there in the first place.

“And don’t you forget it,” Kieu My whispers against her skin, and Fatou closes her eyes.

If Kieu My’s the one telling her something like this, maybe this time it’ll be easier to remember.

#druck #kieutou #kieu my vu #fatou jallow #sarah does writing #kieutou prompt fill

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rairun · 2 years

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First Impressions: Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You

Yesterday I received my Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You pre-order, and I sat down with the booklet to read the lyrics as I listened. At first I found it hard not to think of the Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness — the Pumpkins were my favourite band then; Big Thief are my favourite band now; and both double albums have been described as 'kaleidoscopic' and praised for their breadth. The reason I want to lean on the MCIS comparison right now is that it speaks to something DNWMIBIY is not. MCIS is about child abuse, trauma, and how such trauma colours your experiences and relationships. It is about being voiceless, and it's about finding your voice because in your hearts of hearts you know you are "meant for this world". But most importantly, MCIS is an album written by a person in his late 20s which is largely about his upbringing — this doesn't mean it is cold or distant (you can accuse the Pumpkins of anything but not wearing their hearts in their sleeves), but it does mean each song seems to reach for a deep emotional truth; each song sounds like the effort of someone who is making narrative sense of his tumultuous history. I reckon Adrianne Lenker's approach to songwriting on her latest solo album, Songs, resembles this type of focus. Though the end of a relationship is at its centre, I don't like calling it a breakup album because it goes far beyond it. The breakup is the driving force that leads her to explore her history, going back to her childhood and her relationship with her mother, pulling at the threads of her past in an attempt to make sense of this loss. All paths return to this. The title Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You is a direct reference to a line from Songs, and I take it first as an indication that it is meant as a direct sequel (more on this later). But DNWMIBIY does not — or better yet, does not always — ask such questions. It seems to me like an album primarily concerned with the present, when you realise you can't always sing your way into meaning, when no amount of coming to terms with your past will carry you into the future. Nowhere is this clearer than in "Spud Infinity", which is such a tonal shift compared to Adrianne's previous output: its humorous existential ponderings don't come across as a meditation on existence at all. It is not a song that makes you think, "This is it, these words and sounds peel away all the layers to express a truth that I once thought ineffable." It will never be a song that I could call a favourite by those standards, but the thing is that it is not meant to be: it is a song that feels like shooting shit with your friends, both lyrically and musically. Adrianne makes no attempt to be precise or profound as she's proven time and again that she can be; the band does not create a soundscape that hints at the mysteries of the universe. It is the equivalent of sitting around a fire playing country music for fun, laughing at the fact that we don't really know where we are or where to go, saying, "This shit is crazy, uh?" Elsewhere, there is so much meandering into the more quotidian aspects of life. In "Dried Roses", Adrianne sings "Leave the bed unmade / Draw the light green shade / Start the microwave" and "Steep the black coffee / Set the plates, pour the tea / Three for her, three for me" before asking, "Half-dead, half-awake / Make a pie, bake a cake / Which road will you take?" In Songs, Adrianne very much knew which roads had been taken, and which road she was on; here she doesn't, not really, and the everyday stuff of life, the things we don't necessarily ascribe narrative meaning to, grow as big as the sky. Meanwhile, in "Red Moon", she says:

Bedroom rising from an old growth tree Bringing out the sawmill, cutting the twelve-inch beams Building a pattern, the reservoir to fill with dreams Rings like Saturn telling their old story Windmills turn and turn eternally What do you yearn for? Where do you long to be? I've been here before, looking at the wild country Open the screen door, talking with Diane Lee (That's my grandma!)

Which you really need to listen to if you want to understand just how funny it is to hear Adrianne yelling "THAT'S MY GRANMAW!!!" It's such a great juxtaposition: you can trace the history of the place where you stand, and you are but a tiny person in this big old home of ours; you can wonder, without really knowing the answer, what you yearn for; but then you open the screen door and talk to grandma! Not exactly the narrative grandma who raised your mother, who then raised you, in a tale of care and generational trauma; not the grandma who is like an old growth tree. It's the grandma you're going to make a pie and bake a cake with — the person whose sheer presence rises above mythologising. Now, you might be starting to get the impression this is an album about making meaning out of the quotidian, almost a celebration and embrace of our lack of direction, but I don't think that's quite true. No, I wouldn't go as far as saying that everyday life here is just fold for its counterpart; its rediscovery, its insistence on making itself large and known, is itself a part of the puzzle we eternally attempt to solve. But alone it fails again and again at answering the question, "What do you yearn for? Where do you long to be?" It still leave us asking, "Which road will you take?" Throughout the album, alongside this embracing of life as it presents itself to us, lies a real sense of restlessness. In "Wake Me Up to Drive", Adrianne sings searchingly:

We never plan ahead We take the gamble on instead And if they turn us down Find a warm bed in the next town If they turn us down Wake me up to drive, wake me up to drive Even if I'm tired, I don't wanna miss a ride

In "Certainty", she talks about trying to love someone whom she is unsure she loves. It sounds like a contrived attempt to turn this relationship into something bigger than it really is, to steer her mundane life onto a familiar story of "romance, action, mystery". There is no malice to this, and sometimes you never know until you try it, but she notices her certainty is weaving and does ask herself, "Why do I string you along?" So much wishful thinking. In "Little Things", the roles are inverted somewhat. Adrianne talks about a missed connection in New York, which she describes as a crowded place where she "still [loses] sight of every other face". She talks about the little things she likes about someone who she is maybe "a little obsessed" with, someone who, she concludes, maybe uses her. The music dances around unpredictably, and it feels like her voice is trying and failing to catch up with it. Though she has not yet stopped to ask why she is pursuing this, deep down she does know the answer: because "I was inside of you / kissing your mouth / you were inside of me / kissing my mouth", and that brief sense of connection is difficult to let go of when your foundations are gone. At times there are real glimpses of desperation, like in "Love Love Love":

You are so hard to resist I can't help but breathe your love When I'm scared to die alone That's when I call you on the phone I tell you that I need your love

Or in "Blurred View":

I am the water rise The waterfall Filling up your eyes and when you give the call I run for you, run for you Run for you, run for you

Or even in "Flower of Blood" (which really reminds me of Bloodflowers-era The Cure):

Give me some time on Earth to know you Help me unearth the map and show you Thinking of her, thinking of him, want to? When you touch me

These are all so different stylistically from the everyday minutia of the country songs in the album. The music is moodier, almost shoegazey, and the lyrics convey an almost unfiltered sense of need, desire and hunger — feelings that you'd first need to parse if you were to create meaning out of them. They are like the night time songs you hear when the world has gone to sleep and you're left alone with your feelings. And then there are the songs that are neither country nor shoegaze, the ones that are most quintessentially Big Thief: the introspective ones where Adrianne tries to contextualise her place in this big wild world. It is no coincidence that the opener, "Change", serenely speaks of the change of seasons, of the natural cycle of life and death, and then asks:

Still, like a stone, like a hill, like home Still, what I find is you are always on my mind Could I feel happy for you When I hear you talk with her like we used to? Could I set everything free When I watch you holding her the way you once held me?

This really sets the tone for the entire album. There is a very human struggle to see our present as a bridge between our past and future, even when the significant characters of the past recede to the background. Indigo — and I am going to name her here because she is named in "anything", which in turn gives name to Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You — is the one figure always looming over these songs. In "anything", Adrianne tells her "I don't wanna be the owner of your fantasy / I just wanna be a part of your family", and now this sentiment permeates everything. I resist reading this through the heteronormative impulse to either irrevocably let go or to see everything as a path to reconciliation and "true love". I think Adrianne does too, and she expresses as much in the title track:

I believe in you Even when you need to Recoil

I believe in you even when you need to recoil — this is the emotional truth that underpins the entire record. All the searching, all the aimless driving, all the humour and all the pain, it's not so much about trying to forget as it is about doing what you must do when you love someone, when that person has a place in your history that will not — cannot — be erased. It is about respecting and trusting them as their own person, and it's about coming to terms with the fact that sometimes your story will not be a love story, not in a traditional sense, and that you have no choice but to open your heart to this truth. And perhaps at her most open-hearted moment, she whispers:

I've been listening to the memory, the way that it was Listening to the echo of whys and because Listening to the echo telling me to let go I could never tell you now what I had often said before Because promise is a pendulum just hanging at the door And I'm not saying I'm not jealous or scared anymore I'm just saying

You need to find a way to make sense of your life as a place where they can be simultaneously present and absent; you need to find your own path into the future, but you also know that when you are old and dying, this is what you will remember. I keep thinking of Matt Berninger’s lyrics: "You know you have a permanent piece of my medium-sized American heart". Meanwhile, the present is here, and it is just so concrete and real, so big and unperturbed; so full and so empty at the same time. I think a lot of us are a bit touch-starved and searching right now. This would probably have been a good place to end this post, but it'd feel strange to leave "Simulation Swarm" unmentioned. It is probably my favourite song on DNWMIBIY, and it is the one to which the absence of Indigo isn't the main backdrop. Don't get me wrong, she is very much there, but it feels like it is about everything at the same time — the ones we've lost, the ones we've never had, and life as almost a hallucination where everything comes together in ways we don't always understand. Anyway, these are my first impressions. Thanks for reading, lol.

#big thief #adrianne lenker #dragon new warm mountain i believe in you

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midrarethief · 3 years

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Adrianne Lenker - Songs

Across an album Adrianne lays her heart bare. While in other Big Thief songs, Adrianne frequently uses names and addresses those names in the songs, here Adrianne only says “You” as though she’s directly addressing the one she is writing these songs to. The album cover depicts beautiful watercolor flowers and the album too feels as though it is created with water. All of the songs feel so incredibly free, and Adrianne frequently deviates from traditional song structure, like on “my angel”, where she doesn't start singing until a minute in. And Adrianne’s song writing is so clear, so crushing, and so beautiful. Creating vivid imagery in the songs, like “Drying blueberries, figurines and the angel leans At the head of the bed. The juice of dark cherries cover my chin”. I think that these beautiful lines of imagery are great, but for me, the most poignant lines are the ones when Adrianna sings directly to the listener. Like in Two Reverse when Adrianne sings, “Is it a crime to do what you asked me to?”.

Even though this album is somewhat of a breakup album, the songs do not inhabit or project any areas of anger or blame at either party. These songs feel as though they are just simply expressions of how Adrianna is feeling, and there is a beauty in the way that she creates melodies that do not sound immensely sad, even if the content of the song is depicting incredibly painful images. Love still seems to be filled in many of these songs, you can feel her love particularly in songs like ‘Anything’. I love the way the chorus is so normal, how she almost quickly sing-speaks the verses and starts to sing slower in the chorus. This song is a stand-out in the album not because of say an incredibly complex melody, but because of its simpleness in expressing something that almost everyone can feel about someone they love. “I want to sleep in your car while I’m driving, lay in your lap while I’m crying”. “Zombie Girl” feels so warm. The chimes open the song, and can be softly heard in the background, as well as birds chirping. The song feels like a distant memory, or as though Adrianne has dreamt something and written it quickly, and pouring out all her thoughts. At the end, her voice disappears into a whisper, as though the dream is fading, and reality is approaching.

One of the most heartbreaking moments in this album comes near the end of the album, with the tracks ‘not a lot, just forever’ and ‘dragon eyes’. Not a lot, just forever, feels so raw, as though Adrianne is begging, yet it never feels desperate. Throughout this album, Adrianne’s voice frequently floats into falsetto, which she utilizes heavily in this song at the end of some of the words. “And your dearest fantasy. Is to grow a baby in me. I could be a good mother. I wanna be your wife. So I hold you to my knife. And I steal your letter”. Here, again, Adrianne writes so directly and powerfully. In ‘Dragon Eyes’, Adrianne attempts to hold onto her lover, saying she just wants a place with them, and she doesn't want to change them. It feels like there is so much love, which makes it so sad, because for some reason her and her love cannot be together.

Adrianne creates an incredibly personal and meaningful album, and when I listen to it, I can find incredible comfort in her lyrics. I think a lot of music is incredibly black in white in their delivery, as though they are one way and the other person is another way. Here, I think Adrianne paints a much more realistic picture, and I can really feel the love in her voice, when she sings.

#adriannelenker #music

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jjkpls · 4 years

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crayons ‘net’ (finale) (PG)

> genre : fluffy fluff, light angst, comedy

> pairing : kim namjoon x reader

> words : 4k

> warnings : none (except a rusty quill)

>Y/N, a primary school teacher, is way too soft for the quiet, timid new child in her class. Little did she know, the adult version, who engendered this cutie, is even more charming.

> prior

Time heals every wound.

Even the deepest, bloodiest ones, alike the ones inflicted to the ego.

It felt like you wouldn’t ever get over how embarrassed you'd felt but you did, to a certain degree, get over it. The fact that Mr Kim didn’t appear before you for a few weeks helped a little, and the one that Jimmy was doing great -way better than you had expected, somehow, after overcoming the very first difficult step, he’s been able to improve profusely, consistently- helped immensely.

You felt like you've done your part regarding him and his overall situation at home. You helped as you could, you pushed the buttons just waiting to be pushed, needing that little extra help, and on his own, progressively, Jimmy’s found himself influenced by his environment and naturally, has been learning to adapt to it.

You shouldn’t interfere anymore is what you keep telling yourself. But for the past week and a half, after the class has been long dismissed, you've been seeing his little backpack, with the two bear ears decorating the top, skimming through the hallway as Jimmy's little legs shuffle to keep up with Adrianne‘s energetic walk. If you don’t see them, you hear them, or more accurately you hear her, talking to him, or mostly to herself, out loud as she furnishes the quietness of the corridors after all the children have left.

The curiosity is eating you alive. You resist for as long as you can until you break, grabbing your mug in one hand and your dustbin in the other, not sure which one is a better excuse to be bursting in her way, and you catch them exiting one of the adjacent classrooms. Adrianne seems shocked, startles, and you mimic her as well as you can, feigning a coincidence.

“What are you doing with this? You know I was going to take care of it.”

“Oh, you know...” And you see that she doesn’t know but you don’t either and you have no idea what to add. Therefore simply you drop the subject altogether and start with what you're interested in. “Jimmy, why are you still here?” You ask kindly, tending a finger forward to swipe back one of his lock falling on his face. He doesn’t flinch nor winces at the gesture. You internally smile. Only half committed to answering, he looks back at you simply shrugging, pouty mouth twisting a bit.

“His daddy is always late. I think they don’t have a nanny anymore.”

“Oh is that right?”

“Hm. So little Jimmy keeps me company while I clean the rooms. I have to do the rooms, even if it can't be too fun for a little boy. Is it fun, Jimmy?”

And Jimmy nods, quite eagerly even though he can’t possibly be sincere. Especially given the fact that if Adrienne is a lovely respectable woman that you appreciate dearly, you can’t deny that her boisterous voice with her tendency to go on and on no matter the lack of encouragement from the other end, can’t be too pleasing, especially after a full day of working the brain. You're guilty of sometimes closing your door when you stay late in your class to quiet down her ranting to herself as she goes from room to room to tidy up.

“Do you want to leave him with me? It’d be more convenient for you.” You're not exactly sure what motivates you as you suggest it. You can tell, from the line her eyebrows are drawing, that even if she won’t express it in front of him, having to watch over him and take him along on her route is not the most practical, definitely must make her waste time and efficiency. Still, you're not even sure why you propose to relieve her.

You just like the kid, you suppose.

You ask yourself the question, actively, as Jimmy and you silently stroll back to your classroom. It’s only when you take a seat, him at his desk and you at yours, that you see the pile of today's writing exercises the kids submitted to you that an idea occurs.

You're not sure of the ways your brain works. It seems to be working backwards recently.

You decide you could teach him. Jimmy, if he’s not lost behind his other classmates, is still lacking a bit. Having started life in a whole different culture, being suddenly thrown in this new one, having to learn a new language on top of another drastically different one, while being lost in a sea of other children, the same age as him, but somehow way ahead of him, all of this is, you suspect, one of the main reasons why he doesn’t like to participate. His father had a point on that. And you want to give him the tools, the confidence to simply try.

But it’s not like you can work over basis the other children mastered subconsciously, effortlessly, already long ago the few years of their lives.

Here comes an opportunity though. Late afternoon classes, while waiting for his dad, assuming his schedule will keep allowing you the time.

“Thanks a lot. I’m sorry again, I’ve had a little issue with the lady who took care of him and-“

“It’s fine. Don’t apologise. Have a nice evening. I see you tomorrow Jimmy?”

You're all smiles and soft words but you don’t give Mr Kim much attention. Not meeting his eyes, facing towards Jimmy instead of him. You're not being petty. It’s simply the warmth who started spreading along your neck and cheeks as soon as you heard the opening of the main hall door from the distance, highly uncomfortable and impossible to ignore. You thought you were over it but clearly, you were wrong. Not seeing him directly for those few weeks of resting was entirely misleading.

He is now standing in front of you and you have this awful feeling again, the one that’s making you feel like you regret every single life choice ever made by your own stupid self, any swipe of a butterfly’s wings that led to this moment.

You're effective though. Not wasting any spare moment, as gently as possible, yet firmly, you intimate their way out.

This is how it goes.

Somehow he allows it to happen. From his stalling around, the way his lips open slightly full of intention but nothing ever coming out, he means to say something. He feels the awkwardness, the tension. He perhaps wishes to diffuse it but as polite and agreeable as you naturally show yourself to be, you're able to show yourself cold and distant.

You've given up on this anyway.

You don't know what this is, precisely. And you do not care to figure it out. You know it's not something reasonable, something you want to spend time thinking about. It's something that won't lead you anywhere, it's something that had never started yet made you do dumb craps and feel awful. So, screw this.

Carefully, meticulously, you apply the same routine to every single day. Mr Kim's schedule does happen to allow those extra courses. For a while, it's simply how it goes.

Until embarrassment -this bitchy disease- seems to grow on his side. You're not sure where it comes from, maybe he misinterprets your attitude, take it too personally. In any case, he grows weary of the time and energy he seems to believe he's making you waste on them.

He starts arriving, forehead soaked from how hard he runs to get to the school not too late. Sometimes he manages to be right on time and Jimmy doesn't even get to come back to you, escorted by Adrienne, for a quick reading of a short story or a low, very discreet recitation of a short poetry you've learned together before. In those cases, you're annoyed, and so is Jimmy -you can tell, from the puff of his cheeks and even sometimes, from the way he refuses to raise his eyes from whatever you're working on, purposefully ignoring the loudness of his dad appearing before you two, not ready as he is to go home yet.

Therefore, naturally, you have to talk to him.

It's not a pleasant thought. You're not enthused at the idea, you don't even know what to tell him incisively but you know, you have to talk to him.

It's all ridiculous. Jimmy has made progress even you didn't imagine possible. He's almost good to go and expend his freedom born from a tiny, shy but very much existing newfound confidence. But you like your late afternoon classes. And you know he does too. Also, he doesn't have much interaction with anyone besides his father. From what the later told you, even talking with his cousins is a challenge he struggles to submit himself to.

And there's his mom, gone, never to come back. Your heart aches each time you think about it. It's not your place, you have to remind yourself constantly. Yet, you can't help it. Because somehow maybe it is. You're not sure what that place is but maybe there's one for you. One that is a strange, coincidental, sort of fated little space for you to fill, for a little while, that will mark him enough to help him through this awful test Life had for him and possibly, even, later on in life.

Life is strange. It's filled with curious encounters with strangers that leave a trace within you, that you'll carry forever. They can hurt and engrave a nasty scar that'll affect you forever or the opposite, they can help heal, help bloom hope, inspire friendship and love and benevolence.

Somehow, even throughout your constant reminding yourself that you should not get too involved, you should not care so much as to let it affect your everyday life and state of mind and emotions, you've done exactly that. You don't exactly regret it.

It's a thing, so stupid and useless, that makes it feel like you regret it.

Because now, you have to talk to his dad and explain to him, fully, with sentences and blanks for him to answer and probably looks to spare his way for polite measures, what you've been doing and how it's more than fine that he's late after the classes end because it allows you time to spend together and work on a lot of different essential things.

"You had something to say to me?"

God. You don't want to talk to him.

You've been dreading this moment so hard for the past week that your steeping anxiety turned into deep aggravation and you can't stand looking at him. Just seeing him makes you angry.

"Mr Kim, I've told you multiple times before not to worry when you're late." He frowns a little, looking back at your severe gaze, confused. He nods slowly, not saying anything, and you assume it's because he isn't really in capacity of speaking right now. Not when his breath is so ragged and his brain probably dizzy from the race he submitted himself to from his office. "Yet you keep running in my class every day, all dishevelled and- and all-"

"But. But I shouldn't bother you-"

"Mr Kim. You are bothering me by not listening. What I've tried to tell you is that Jimmy and I can take advantage of your schedule.” Deep breathing in and out to calm down and slow the high ladder your voice naturally wants to climb, and you start again, only slightly less on edge. “If you're late, we can work on things we can't do during the day with his classmates. Haven't you noticed his improvements?"

"I- I did but-"

"But what?" You're plain rude. Arms crossed tight on your chest, eyebrows low above your eyes, sighing and almost tapping your foot on the floor. You look like a cartoonish version of an angry teacher. In other words, you look ridiculous. It's not justified whatsoever. Or more like, the reasons you're so mad are ridiculous and absolutely not related to his being thoughtful of the time he might be stealing from you by letting you, sort of, babysit his kid after your official work hours. You'll be embarrassed by it later.

He's cartoonish too. With his helpless "but-" and sheepish looks. Until he's not anymore. He has the shadow of a grin creeping on one corner of his lips.

"Feels like you're scolding me, Miss ___." He bites back a smile. His forehead has softened out, his gaze gentler and calmer, he doesn't seem to take personally your attack. Which he should but whatever. It's even more annoying because smiles look really nice on him and it's hard to stay as mad as you'd been when the dimples coupled with them are hinting their way on his honey cheeks.

"Precisely. I wouldn't have to if you'd just do what I'm asking of you." He beams blatantly now, having decided that somehow you're not mad anymore. As you said, staying angry when the softest looking dimples you've ever seen on anyone dig their way in his cheeks is an impossible task. And Your frown progressively turns into a barely upset pout.

A ridiculous, childish pout of a stupid child who's upset about being teased and flustered.

"You really like your students that much?" He asks, tone sweeter, not in a rush to obtain an answer. You're thankful for it because you wouldn't know how to express how you feel.

You do like your students “that much”. You like people. You want the best for them and you know how those couple of first years living in the world, experiencing it and its beings populating it are determining. You're not too crazy about all of them because some, unfortunately, have already been rubbed with distasteful attitudes by distasteful parents. But for the most part, you do love them a whole lot.

Also, you really like Jimmy Kim, for some reasons. He just directly affects your heartstrings and you simply can not help it. If you just wish the best for anyone, and especially for your students, for Jimmy, you wish even more. You wish only happy days and wonderful experiences and people. Maybe it's the sadness you read for months since you first met him in your class, reinforced by the newly glint of joy and excitement you've been catching recently.

It's all very abstract and confusing and hardly decipherable. So much so that simply trying to figure out your emotions, to convey them into an answer for him, you feel yourself getting emotional. You think he even notices. Therefore, simply, you settle for not much,

"Jimmy is a really sweet kid."

"I'm grateful for you noticing it." Mr Kim starts before taking a deep breath. "I just feel like you're too nice to us. I don't know if- I mean, maybe that's what you do for every family and if it's the case, it's- it's wonderful, very kind of you. But- I mean, don't you, I don't know, you must have your life to get back to. After work, even if I like my job, all I want is leave and you know, get back to my life."

"My job is my life, Mr Kim. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to."

"It can't be all of it. You- you must- I don't know, want to go home to your boyfriend and go out with your friends and unwind and do fun things and I'm just trapping you here to care for-" You're ticking at that. Bold of him to assume that you have a boyfriend. Fortunately for you, you've learned from your mistakes and you know better, this time, than to correct him. You're not falling into that trap again.

"Mr Kim-"

"Namjoon." You raise an eyebrow, searching your brain for an explanation you missed. "My name. Sorry. You keep calling me Mr Kim and it feels weird."

"I-" It takes you a second to compose yourself. The firepit of rage has a little blaze threatening to bring the whole back to life and consume your whole gut. "Listen. You expressed your concerns. I listened to them. From that, I said that not only did I not mind, I wanted to take this opportunity. So now, the reasonable thing to do is to simply accept what I said. I'm not deceiving you but even if I were, it's my problem, you don't have to worry anymore, do you understand?" How can someone so concerned about making you waste your time can also waste it so expertly and your energy and sanity along with it? He, Namjoon, just stares for a second. His eyes then fall upon his son, a couple of meters away. You're both standing in the hallway while the boy sits patiently at his table, in the back, far enough for him not to hear a simple conversation but given your tendency to heat up for no proper reasons, you're worried he catches bits of the friction. He seems pretty engrossed in the book he's looking at though.

You observe his dad, watching over him, frowning. "Except if you have a problem with me." As on a reflex, his head spins around for his wide eyes to face you. "You do, don't you? You have a problem with me and that's why you're being so difficult!" He gasps, looking awfully offended but you can't even trust it. It'd make way more sense. It's all making sense. "Well, fine, but just say it then, instead of-"

"I don't have a problem with you!"

"Yes, you do. It's obvious. I don't even know how I haven't noticed before..."

"I don't have a problem with you, Miss ___!" Jimmy has definitely noticed now. He's watching you from his seat, four rows away. Curiously, he doesn't seem too fazed. He seems intrigued by the noise but not that concerned. "You're doing so much for us and I feel burdened because I want to give back to you but there's no way- I don't- nothing seems appropriate and I don't know what to do."

"You don't owe me anything, Mr Kim."

"I want to. Can't you be reasonable and accept that?" On his side, the fury has diminished, only a fading shadow remains, colouring his words into something more animated than his usual way of talking. "I really like you, I don't have a problem with you. I'm so thankful for you just entering our lives, sincerely. I'm sorry if I gave a wrong impression." Here comes the awkward tingle that has no right to be appearing. You have to chastise yourself, to rationalize, loud and clear to your delusional all-over-the-place heart, that his thoughts got lost and distorted by translation. He can't mean what he said no matter how much, apparently, your heart would like it.

"Well, ok, then." It's lame. Not very eloquent, pretty self-reflecting. But this man is a rollercoaster. It's hard to adapt and honestly, it's a miracle he hasn't thrown you out of the circuit. You don't know how to react. How to come back down from your suspicious accusations, from your childish outburst, from your giddy excitement at the words he didn't really mean the way you heard them.

That will do anyway. Deciding that most of your issue has been settled and that probably, by continuing this conversation, you're taking the risk to lose it again and possibly traumatized innocent Jimmy this time, you conclude, on a common agreement, the impromptu meeting. Mr Kim goes to help Jimmy pack up his stuff and slip his vest on.

They express goodbye to you, Jimmy waving quickly a hand half-hidden by his sleeve, Mr Kim nodding his head, lips tight as if not meaning to take the risk of saying something wrong.

"Have a nice weekend. See you on Monday, Jimmy."

Then Mr Kim stops in his track, his son bumping into his leg and almost falling to the ground if it were not for the strong grip keeping him upward by the hand. They were just about to reach the entry doors, a few steps away only from them. Mr Kim crouches to his son's height, says something to him, one of his hand cupping the side of his face, fingers brushing his cheek before he stands up, trotting quickly to you, still standing in the doorway of your classroom.

"Miss ___." He's slightly out of breath, weirdly enough for a man who keeps in shape, at least, with the daily runs he makes from his work to his son's school.

"Do you like running that much?" He smiles a bright, wide grin that makes your heart skips a bit.

"I don't actually." He stops and throws a look over his shoulder, towards his son. "There's something I meant to ask but as I said, I feel it might be too inappropriate."

"Ask away."

"If it is, please just say so and ignore me and let's just pretend I've never said anything, ok?"

"Fine. Ask your scandalous question." He looks boyish for a second. Swallowing hard, Adam's apple bobbing obnoxiously along his throat, glancing one more time to Jimmy before he finally gets to it.

"Would you allow me to treat you to a restaurant some time?" You can't deny it, the flutter from earlier is back, stronger than ever. You're so enchanted, feeling tickly all over, like a fucking fifteen-year-old being asked on a date for the first time. It's absurd. Because you're not even sure that's what he means, again. This time, even if you're frustrated and flustered and you want to get mad at him for putting you through this, you can't because the unfamous butterflies are too excited, celebrating the sudden blooming of a garden full of flowers in the pit of your stomach.

"Like a... 'thanks for being the best teacher for my kid' type of diner?"

"Maybe." He has a pout on his mouth his teeth bite on. His eyes are smiling at the corner, but they hold a sheepish hesitation. You don't know if you can trust your perception. He does look like you imagine yourself to look like right now. You wonder if he feels the same way too. Or if, once again, you're imagining a lot of things that are not there.

"Ok. With great pleasure."

You're a coward. You know that. But it's ok, you decide. Because if it turns out to be a date, surely you'll figure it out, won't you?

There's a little stalling moment. A short instant where eyes discuss silently. They're better at speaking then your mouths are. Not arguing, meeting somewhere they understand each other and you have an evident sense of comfort there you're scared to lean in, but that screams at you that there's something very soft and gentle and deeper than simple politeness floating around. He nods, smiling to you or to himself, until he waves you goodbye, quite alike Jimmy did earlier and then he's trotting again, this time back to his son.

It feels like you're walking on some sort of stilts, jumpy, giddy, too excited to just saunter back in your classroom. On your table there's a drawing you've never seen before, sitting next to the neat pile of your documents. It's an adorable, colourful illustration of a girl. With the blue hair and the purple eyes, you hesitate for a second, but after further observation -the similar dress and hairstyle help- you conclude it's a portrait of you. A lovely portrait of you Jimmy has made, while his father and you discussed, that he left on your desk for you to find.

A/N: what an abrupt ending lmao; sorry i couldn’t figure something better out. I really hope you liked it, thank you SO MUCH for reading :) kisses & hugz

#btswriterscollective #networkbangtan #thekimlinenet #bts fluff #bts angst #bts drabble #bts scenario #namjoon fluff #namjoon angst #namjoon drabble #namjoon scenario #my writing

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peppersjam · 3 years

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My Top 10 Albums of 2020

Ok, it's nearly February. Let's do this.

Revisiting the 2019 list, I'm struck by how my taste hasn't really changed. All of those albums are still in my regular rotation. This might be the first time that's been true year over year. The only one that has sorta fallen off is My Finest Work Yet but that's just because it's up against Andrew Bird's entire oeuvre.

Runners up: - Fleet Foxes - "Shore" (I got into Fleet Foxes pretty heavily in the Fall when this came out, but I found myself gravitating to their older albums. It's hard to disentangle that) - Caribou - "Suddenly" (It's good) - The Avalanches - "We Will Always Love You" (Also good) - Four Tet - "Sixteen Oceans" (Yes, good)

The pre-2020 albums that should've ranked:

Sharon Van Etten - "Tramp" (2012)

Sharon Van Etten - "Are We There" (2014)

Sharon Van Etten - "Remind Me Tomorrow" (2019)

🙃

10. Fiona Apple – Fetch The Bolt Cutters

I didn't listen to Fetch The Bolt Cutters many times, but it was one of my most memorable listens of the year: I took a day off of work for the first time since COVID protocols began, and I went on a long walk around Pittsburgh with FTBC in my ears. It's hard for anything to live up to a Pitchfork 10/10, but for one afternoon, at least, I agreed.

9. Sylvan Esso – WITH

A live album? But Sylvan Esso dropped a new new album this year. And wait, I've never even had any Sylvan Esson on my year-end lists before!

I miss live music so much. I didn't know that I would, though. Lately I've found myself (like many 30-somethings, probably) having a little bit less fun at concerts than I used to. They're too loud and you have to stand still for too long if you want to have a good view of the stage, and people don't dance as much as you wish they did, etc. etc. The last show I went to was Big Thief at The Fillmore in late November 2019. I stood up front like I used to (sore legs and all), but thank god I did.

WITH is not just a live album but a concert film. They formed a band of their musical friends and performed as a large group rather than as a duo, and the result is, surprisingly, my favorite Sylvan Esso album.

Ugh, and the crowd singing on "Coffee," "my baby does the hanky panky... my baby doessss..."

8. Perfume Genius – Set My Heart On Fire Immediately

This is yet another spectacular entry into the Pefume Genius catalog. Shrug emoji.

7. Taylor Swift – folklore / evermore

CHEATER ALERT! Two albums for the price of one! If I had to pick one of these to keep on a desert island, I'd probably pick evermore. It might be recency bias, but Taylor sounds like she's having more fun on that one. Regardless, Taylor delivered on (a) making TikTok go absolutely bananas trying to decipher hidden messages and (b) giving us the ultramainstream National(Dessner)-produced pop we didn't know we needed.

6. Charli XCX – how i'm feeling now

This album was a perfect palate cleanser to 2019's underwhelming-to-me Charli. She managed to capture the essence of being in COVID lockdown without losing sight of what makes her Charli XCX (i.e., all caps EARWORMS).

5. Adrianne Lenker – songs / instrumentals

CHEATER ALERT PT. 2! I talked a lot about Big Thief on my list last year because of their double whammy of U.F.O.F. and Two Hands (for which I did not, mind you, cheat). Adrianne's 2020 albums were released on the same day, so they're basically one album (right?). Adrianne spent some time with a binaural mic in a cabin in Western Massachusetts and recorded - complete with diagetic birds and windchimes - the most intimate indie rock/folk album I can recall. That entire sentence is Steve catnip.

4. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

I had a big Waxahatchee phase in 2018, so I was looking forward to 2020's Saint Cloud, especially after seeing glowing reviews. But I bounced off of it hard after a couple listens.

Sheep that I am, I decided to give it another shot when it started showing up at the top of end-of-year lists. And of course, I loved it.

3. Andy Schauf – The Neon Skyline

This is the only album on this list that I listened to pre-COVID. So there's something special here, for sure. It hooked me with its storytelling, which is smaller in scale than a lot of "story" music. But the smallness is key because it makes everything plausible. There are a bunch of "sad" albums on this list, but none of them wrecked me quite like this one.

2. HAIM – Women in Music Pt. III

Pt. III improves on the HAIM formula in every way. The choruses are catchier and the experimental bits are weirder. I think HAIM may have blown up this year if it weren't for gestures broadly. Not saying they aren't successful as is - but this is an album full of should-be festival hits.

1. Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher

Phoebe's Punisher arrived at the perfect time. Me and everyone on TikTok (at least the TikTok that I was algorithmed into) needed a sad album to lose ourselves in. A lot of these people didn't know Phoebe before this album. I'm jealous of their getting to discover this and Stranger In The Alps and boygenius (and BOCC, I guess) at the same time.

When I saw boygenius in 2018 (HOW was it that long ago?) I came away stunned by Lucy's performance and Julien's raw emotion (mirroring my thoughts from her captivating Outside Lands set in 2016(?!)). But I didn't know exactly what I thought about Phoebe.

I figured it out though! It was very obvious and I am very dumb for not realizing it until Punisher. Phoebe is a brilliant writer. She captures everything with a specificity that that simultaneously draws you into her brain and ejects you out into space.

So it wasn't just that we collectively wanted (needed) a good cry, it's that we were asking (begging) to be ejected from Earth completely, to return when everything was some facsimile of normal again. Phoebe delivered - not just with her patented ballads but with the hilariously uptempo "Kyoto" that asks us to dance alone in our apartments to I wanted to see the world / through your eyes until it happened / then I changed my mind. Yep, this was the perfect year for the equal parts earnest, funny, and sad 2nd Phoebe album.

#Phoebe Bridgers #haim #andy schauf #waxahatchee #adrianne lenker #Charli XcX #taylor swift #Perfume Genius #sylvan esso #Fiona Apple #Sharon Van Etten

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balladofsallyrose · 3 years

Text

i was tagged by @stevielynnicks and @hofnerviolinbass ~ i’ve combined both into one post; just some personal answered questions ♡

relationship: i’m single and feeling comfortable !!

favorite colour: pink, blue, mint & earth green

three favorite foods: spaghetti, soup & chicken fried rice

song stuck in my head: ‘hallelujah (i love her so)’ by humble pie

last song i listened to: ‘smoke of dreams’ by thurston moore / ‘girl afraid’ by the smiths

last thing i googled: some artists for uni research ~ ruth asawa, chris drury etc.

time: 1:51am - now 2:42am

dream trip: italy ~ in particular florence, canada and a trip back to the uk

anything i really want: some humble pie vinyls / cds; in particular smokin’ or self-titled ~ i’ve been on the hunt for awhile!! but i have found a record shop in town with an artist category of them, but it remains empty :/

nickname: none, though my sister calls me ‘horsefly’

gender: female

star sign: pisces

height: 1.76 or 5′9 since i’ve last checked

birthday: march 4th

favorite bands/groups: oh my gosh!! there’s too many ~ manic street preachers, humble pie, small faces, traffic, the pretty things, the smiths, the church, the cure, strangelove & others

favorite solo artists: mainly independent female singers: daughter, mazzy star, emiliana torrini, dodie, adrianne lenker, lana del rey, & of course steve marriott

last movie: the karate kid

last show: gilmore girls and had recently finished a rewatch of teen wolf

when did i create this blog: sometime in 2014, but didn’t start posting until 2015

what do i post: lots of music, and anything that interests me

other blogs: *hides* @lovemccartney & @groovywoolhat ~ just some old music sideblogs and the ones i only use these days, occasionally or sometimes...

do i get asks: only when associated with ask games or on rare occasions

following/followers: i’m following 633 & have 705 followers ~ a new milestone!! feels quite balanced

average hours of sleep: 6/7 hours or 4 hours

lucky number: 3 !!

instruments: i have an old acoustic guitar which sits in the back of my wardrobe - took brief lessons on piano

what am i wearing: an aqua t-shirt & leoprint pj pants

dream job: something in a creative field or perhaps a teacher?

favorite song: at the moment ~ ‘hummingbird’ by seals and crofts, ‘thorn in my pride’ or ‘remedy’ by the black crowes, ‘fall to pieces’ by velvet revolver, & ‘patience’ or ‘don’t cry’ by guns n roses

last book i read: i haven’t finished reading a book in awhile, perhaps kenney jones’ autobiography. i’ve been skim reading other books and but have recently brought a copy of j.m barrie’s ‘peter pan’ finally !!

three fictional universes you’d like to live in: -

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guizh0ng · 2 months

Text

Remember

Chapter 2: Workplace Experience

Sora looks exhausted even though the day is just starting, which is understandable considering everything she's been through.

Despite the fact that she's trying to get used to her new name, she can't shake the feeling that it doesn't feel like a suitable choice.

She may have settled on 'Sora' for now, but it's clear that it's not a name that she's completely warmed up to yet.

Additionally, she might have preferred other options like 'Vivianne' or 'Vagatha', as those names sound more fitting to her preference and personality.

Regardless of her feelings towards her new name, Sora will have to learn to accept it, as there was no turning back now.

The room was silent, with only Sora's own presence. As she gazed at her reflection in the mirror, she couldn't help but let out a deep sigh, having accepted her reality, albeit reluctantly so.

Sora finally mustered up the courage to step out of her dormitory and face the day ahead. Upon exiting the room, she was immediately greeted by Nemo, whose energetic demeanour was palpable, even at such an early hour.

"Goodmorning!" Nemo jested, his enthusiasm really contrasts Sora's tired demeanor right now.

"..Ohayō" Though it was a late reaction, Sora still responded to his greeting as the both started walking through the hallway side by side.

"So..Sora huh? Hey, I can call you something now! I don't have to call you Miss anymore!" Nemo stirred off a conversation, trying to get Sora engaged in it but she remained silent with a nod although she wanted to respond desperately.

"Yeah Iris told us everything during dinner! Welcome to the agency by the way! I can't wait to have you hear about the different sections and codenames, oh your gonna love it!" Sora follows Nemo, who surprises her by taking her hand, then runs through the halls, ignoring her hesitation.

While the duo hastily rushed along, they crossed paths with other individuals such as Sara, Yamir, and Adrianne, who were stationed in the hallway in a conversation.

As Sora and Nemo drew near, Adrianne spotted them and took notice. She proceeded to halt the two, waving at them as she gave them a warm and friendly greeting "Oh, it's you two! Hello!"

The other two meanwhile just waved and then went back into their own little conversation.

"Goodmorning Adriann–"

"Ah, your names Sora right, good! Congratulations on not being nameless!" Adrianne strategically interrupted Nemo's stride, causing the girl to momentarily redirect her attention to Sora.

The latter appeared somewhat flustered by the unexpected turn of events, briefly bowing her head in acknowledgment of Adrianne's gracious act.

"So..where are you two headed to?" Adrianne queries.

"Oh y'know, we're just heading to the kitchen! Iris and Amara are cooking breakfast so it'll be great, I hope I get some tea though" Nemo waltz in once again in the conversation, took the chance where Adrianne won't be interrupting her as he stepped closer beside Sora.

"Hah, okay..you two together?" The uneasy tone in her voice caught Sora's attention, which sparked her curiosity. Sora wondered if perhaps there was something Adrianne knew that she did not.

The two nodded to her question obediently.

"Alright then! Go on!, oh and goodluck on your stay here at the agency, Sora! Remember to always be aware for your enemies" Adrianne swiftly shifted her demeanor back to a cheery and cheerful one, patting Sora's shoulder lightly.

However, as Sora locked eyes with Adrianne for a moment, she detected a hard stare that seemed to convey an unspoken message.

The glint in Adrianne's eyes was seemingly conveying something that may have been important to Sora, causing her to become increasingly alert and curious.

__________________________________________________

As Sora and Nemo entered the kitchen, they saw Iris preparing buttered bread and Amara busily engaged at the stove counter, preoccupied with whatever was responsible for the tantalizing aroma that had permeated the room.

"Heyyyy, Iris! Amara! Goodmorning!" Nemo took the initiative to extend a friendly greeting to Iris and Amara upon entering the kitchen. Both ladies reciprocated his enthusiasm, turning to acknowledge him and greet him in return.

"Oh hey, Goodmorning Nemo!" Amara responded with an enthusiastic wave of her mixing spoon in the air, raising the utensil above her hand and waving it from side to side in an animated manner.

"Goodmorning Nemo" Iris, in turn, responded, taking a bite from the slice of bread she was just buttering, tasting the savory substance with glee.

With the brief greetings exchanged, Sora chose to take a seat on the kitchen counter close to Iris, while Nemo preferred to maintain a standing position, opting to munch on a chunk of apple plucked from the fruit basket held nearby.

"So..ready to choose your position on this agency?" While continuing to slather the fresh slice of bread with a mixture of melted butter and garlic essence, Iris turned her attention to Sora and queried her.

Sora in return just shrugged in response.

"Oh, that's alright, Viktoriya will be meeting you soon, she'll be teaching you English, Oh! and the codenames of everyone here! Nemo knows the whole place here like the back of his hand so you can trust him with that!" Iris, beaming with delight, passed over the bread she had just prepared, offering it to Sora for her to taste.

Sora accepted the bread and lingered on the freshly prepared snack for a brief moment before plucking off a piece and popping it into her mouth, to her surprise..

It wasn't poisoned.

The bite of bread that she had taken was nothing short of delectable, with its garlicky nature complimenting the savory taste.

Without wasting much time, Sora took a second bite of the bread, finishing it off before its deliciousness fully enveloped her taste buds.

"Hah, you liked it didn't you?" Iris, a satisfied smirk plastered on her face, conveyed a sense of pride in her tone as she reflected on the delicious bread she had just prepared, which Sora found her rather full of herself "Amara, I told you she'd like it!"

"Oh please, she hasn't even tried my Pad Thai yet! Trust me, Sora, you'll love this more than that..bread, its family recipe!" Amara, in a manner reminiscent of competitiveness, countered the statement, indicating that she carries the family's legacy with regard to culinary abilities.

"Ooh! Pad Thai! This is the third time you cooked that this week, I want some!" Nemo skipped off to Amara to try some of her dish, leaving Sora and Iris alone.

"Hey, just do your best for today alright? Don't worry, everyone will take care of you..I know you probably made that decision out of desperation but..your part of us now, goodluck out there" Iris, in a brief motion, offered Sora a comforting smile before setting off on her separate way, offering her some alone time for her to process whatever she had on her mind.

Sora, in hindsight, felt compelled to admit that yes, there was some truth in what Iris alluded to.

At the same time, Sora also understood the gravity of the situation she was in, as Nemo had brought up the importance of survival.

With that said, Sora acknowledged that her compliance might have been a necessary step in order to ensure her safety in the unknown..

But the other side of the story hasn't been spoken of..

"Hey Sora, shall we go?" An abrupt motion of Nemo's arm brought her back to the present. With a quick nod to demonstrate her understanding, she got out of her seat and left the kitchen, following behind Nemo in order to depart from the room.

__________________________________________________

"I'm telling you Barn, if you invest on that now, your firearm stability will increase by 15%!" Viktoriya's vocalizations carried a sense of contradiction as she instinctively gesticulated using her hands in a way that attempted to sway one's opinion.

"And I'm telling you that you should sleep instead of working 24/7" Barnaby, feeling uneasy regarding the woman's well-being, countered Viktoriya's words with his own opinion, physically accentuating his discomfort by placing his arms across his chest in a crossing manner.

"Umm are we interrupting something?" Nemo suddenly showed up in the midst of their discussion, causing them to immediately create physical separation, moving further apart from one another in a manner resembling a respectful retreat.

"Oh hey Nemo, nothing nothing, Vik here just keeps insisting on another idea of her when she should be sleeping!" As Barnaby's elbow jested contact with Viktoriya's shoulder, a joyous smile appeared on his face, projecting his apparent delight.

"But you have to admit I am right" Viktoriya immediately repositioned Barnaby's elbow away from her shoulder, placing her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, yeah, sure..anyways! what brings you two dwarves here?" He seemed dejected for a brief moment, but he quickly recovered from his feeling of disappointment, casting out a shrug as if his reaction was simply a byproduct of being accustomed to her behavior.

After that, Barnaby redirected his gaze to the other two individuals in the area.

" 'Dwarves'? Hey–! Fine, whatever, well 'Sora' here is having her first day now! I'm helping her on deciding what position she'll take here" Nemo began.

"Oh thats right! It completely slipped off my mind, yeah don't worry Sora, I'll also help you out as your mentor!" Viktoriya, after making the motion with her hand to symbolize a "thumbs up," found confirmation from Sora, who responded by acknowledging her statement by nodding her head.

It appears that Sora has found herself in a situation where her constant nodding has become quite tiresome.

"Alright then let's start testing your physical strength, maybe you'll fit as a fighter!" Viktoriya turned her back towards Sora before strolling over to the weapon rack, where she began examining all of its contents in order to determine which one she should permit Sora to attempt to utilize first.

"How about this?" Viktoriya tossed a Spear with a sharp tip to Sora, who swiftly managed to snag it out of the air.

"Nice Catch." Viktoriya chimed.

"Woah! Viktoriya, you can't just throw it to her, what if she didn't catch it, we'll be held responsible!" Nemo experienced a state of alarm as he darted in front of Sora in a quick fashion, concerned at the potential consequences should she fall short of intercepting the Spear that Viktoriya had thrown her way.

"Oh don't be such a worry, I designed these weapons ofcourse I know what will happen, that's why I placed..extra measures"

Upon realizing the danger of having handed Sora the Spear, Viktoriya made the decision to take it from her grasp in a polite manner and then pointed the spear in Barnaby's direction, proceeding to throw it across the space with a swift motion.

As he had anticipated getting stabbed, Barnaby swiftly ducked to avoid the attack.

However, upon striking the wall, instead of being impaled by the spear, the sharp object merely hit the surface before falling completely flat to the ground.

"Safety is my number one priority afterall" Viktoriya made it a point to walk over to the area where the Spear that she previously threw had fallen to the floor and proceeded to fling it in Sora's direction again, where she skillfully managed to secure the Spear in her grasp once more.

"I- How?! Literally how?! You HAVE to tell me, Viktoriya!" Nemo emphasised as he walked over to her direction but only for her to deject him and walk over to Sora.

"Well then, let's start training shall we?" Viktoriya advised.

"Hey, Viktoriya! What was tha—"

"Barnaby, get up from there and help our new comrade here" Viktoriya broke the flow of Nemo's statement by mocking Barnaby's hunched position. Barnaby then swiftly rose to his upright stance when Viktoriya beckoned him to do so. "Sure, whatever you say Vik!"

"Viktori–!"

"I never tell my secret to success, Nemo, you should give up now before you get hopeful" Viktoriya advised, placing her hand on his shoulders followed by an action of patting them before she proceeded to walk away.

To proceed further below the level where they currently were, Viktoriya descended down the steps to the primary arena, placing the mechanical target figure on one end of the arena while Sora took position at the opposite end, assuming a fighting stance, preparing for her imminent trial on her combat abilities.

"You ready, Sora? Remember, just do your best, I've set this on beginner mode" Viktoriya offered Sora some encouraging words before stepping away, positioning herself alongside Barnaby and Nemo.

As the mechanical dummy tilted its head upwards and assumed its own fighting stance, Sora gave a subtle nod in confirmation, and in that manner, the battle commenced between the two opponents.

As soon as Sora initiated her attack on the mechanical dummy, she attempted to plunge the weapon into its stomach, but the figure evaded her thrust, causing her to miss her target entirely.

Determined to penetrate the dummy's body, Sora made another attempt to impale it, but its rapid movements proved too quick for her to intercept, enabling the opponent to strike her in the back forcefully, resulting in Sora's prone position on the ground.

"Ugh.."

"O..kay..maybe speed isn't your thing.." Viktoriya hastened herself over to Sora's side and assisted the young lady in getting back up on her feet.

"Hahah! Well obviously she needs a taste of the ol' firearm! Lessgo Sora, let me show you what a real fighter has!" Moving towards Sora at a quickened pace, Barnaby made haste in offering her a gun, which he had retrieved from his side pocket.

"Wha– Okay, I think its too early for that" Viktoriya fought.

"No way! She may look frail and shit, but she can totally do it, right Sora?!" An enthusiastic Barnaby embraced her with his arm, leaning it across her backside, and in this gesture, placing enough physical pressure to cause Sora to slump a little bit due to the considerable weight that he was applying on her with his limb.

"Okay..I think you shouldn't pressure her, Barnaby, she literally just got here yesterday! I thi–"

In an attempt to cut Nemo off mid-sentence, Sora placed a single index finger over her lips in a shushing motion, silently requesting for him to remain quiet at that moment.

"Aw YEAH! That's the spirit, go for it Sora!" Barnaby cheered.

With some space having been created around Sora, everybody else left the central area of the arena, allowing her to assume ownership of it, which she did, right after Viktoriya readjusted the mechanical dummy to a position where it was standing upright.

Sora extended her arms in preparation for aiming, raising her firearm as she prepared to take aim at the figure that stood barely a foot away from her.

She placed the tip of her forefinger on the trigger, preparing to pull it if necessary, while she closed one eye to focus on the target in front of her.

All she needs to do now was shoot.

*Bang!*

A loud bang erupted, which was subsequently followed by a deafening silence, as it turned out that the projectile did not puncture the mechanical figure in her direction but instead lodged itself into the wall directly behind the dummy.

Sora instantly thrust the firearm into the air before it left her grip and flew in a horizontal direction. It seemed as though she had an intuition that the weapon held some unpleasant memories..

Memories she can't even remember.

"Sora? Sora! Are you okay?! Hey, hey don't worry no more guns no– Barnaby hide the gun! NOW!" Viktoriya bolted towards Sora, her movements imbued with a sense of desperation, a stark contrast to her previous composed demeanour.

"Sora, Oh my god! What happened to you?! I told you firearm sucks!" Nemo turned his head to Barnaby who's busy hiding the guns around them.

"Okay..I get it, no firearm for you.. let's try a simpler weapon..uhh how abou–"

"Knives!"

"Exactly!" Viktoriya gave a high five to Nemo for the idea, following by her helping Sora to compose herself once again.

At that point, a visibly rattled Sora decided to depart from the group, electing to walk over to a nearby seat in a bid to have some quiet time to herself and reflect on the experience she had just undergone.

She sat upon the bench and stared into nothingness, lost in her thoughts.

While Viktoriya was scolding Barnaby's carelessness, Nemo made the conscientious decision to approach Sora, whose emotions at that point were still in turmoil, in an effort to console the troubled girl with some words.

"Hey..uhh Sora? You alright?"

Sora just turns her head at him with a look that screams 'Do I look like I'm alright?!'.

"Right..you aren't, sorry." Nemo decided to have a seat next to Sora, but he refrained from making contact with her by maintaining a small distance.

In this manner, he remained still by her side for some duration in silence, not speaking a word.

"Hey..I'm sorry, in behalf of them, we're really not used to having a person like you- not that weird your anything! It's just..your someone new for experience.." Nemo rubbed hid nape as he avoided eye contact with Sora, who's in contrast looking directly at him.

"O-..kay, I see you were quite taken back there..you must be triggered huh? Okay how about this, no firearm, no guns, no nothing..let's just try something new..?" Nemo suggested as he clasped his hands in a manner.

Although Nemo's method of consolation did not necessarily have the desired impact, Sora still expressed gratitude for his efforts, acknowledging that he was attempting to assist her to the best of his abilities.

Despite this, the young lady chose to not let the issue consume her time and attention any longer, electing instead to rise to her feet and move on from the spot with a small sign of acknowledgement.

Sora made her way back to Viktoriya's vicinity and positioned herself directly in front "Oh hey Sora..you alright now? Don't worry, I already scolded Barn here" Viktoriya asked.

As Sora gave her reassurance that she is already fine, Viktoriya sighed in relief "Alright then..okay one last trial then we'll move on alright?" Viktoriya raised her right hand above her head and snapped her fingers, resulting in Barnaby promptly throwing a knife towards her.

She then proceeded to transfer the weapon into Sora's hand, presumably for her to utilize.

"Alright, I've already set the dummy to training mode, hey..don't push yourself too hard okay? Goodluck.." Viktoriya lightly tapped Sora's back, a gesture that suggested approval while simultaneously establishing a sense of camaraderie, then proceeded to exit the fighting arena, signifying the start of the upcoming fight.

Sora took on a firm stance as the trial started and brandished her knife, quickly making her way towards the dummy.

Raising her right arm high with the knife in hand, she leapt into the air and descended, pushing her knife in a slightly lowered position.

Upon making impact with the mechanical figure, she managed to sink the blade deep into the dummy, forcing it to press against the ground.

Sora, despite having a slender physique, attempted to execute her attack in a timely and efficient manner.

However, as she lunged towards the mechanical figure with her knife, the dummy swiftly counterattacked by shoving her away with a considerable degree of strength.

Despite suffering from a few butterflies in her stomach, Sora tightened her grip on her blade, once again lowering it slightly as she prepared for her next move.

Sora hurriedly stood up after being knocked down, moving in swiftly with her knife at the ready.

By employing unexpected and rapid movements, she was successfully able to disorient the dummy, making the latter fumble slightly.

Capitalizing on this newfound advantage, Sora proceeded to plunge the pointed end of the blade into the mechanical figure but to her dismay, her hands inexplicably loosened, and the knife slipped from her grasp, causing the dummy to seize the opportunity to swiftly push her away, causing her to lose balance and land back on the ground.

"Kore wa kuso bakada.." Murmured Sora.

"Okay! I think we had enough!" Announced Nemo as he hurriedly ran over to Sora, supporting her back as she gets up, Viktoriya following up tp him and supporting the other

Nemo announced his presence by rushing over to Sora in order to help her up, wrapping his arm around her and providing support as she successfully made her way back onto her feet.

Viktoriya also came over to Sora's side, assisting her right arm while the other male held her left, creating a unified front in an effort to aid the young lady in regaining her equilibrium.

"I agree..Alright, Barnaby please take it from here, we'll be heading out" Viktoriya turned to him as he just saluted and happily replied with "Yes Ma'am!"

With Sora supported on both sides by Nemo and Viktoriya, the trio made their way out of the arena, leaving Barnaby to loiter alone in the central portion of the fighting ground.

__________________________________________________

"Okay..let's just sit you right..there" Nemo placed her gently on the side of the hospital bed with the help of Viktoriya although it was mostly because of Viktoriya's strength.

Viktoriya looked at her, "Alright, I'll get you some bandages, you wait right here.." She went on the back, leaving Sora alon with Nemo, who immediately sat beside her.

"Okay..maybe physical training isn't your time to try yet.." Nemo conceded.

"Anata wa omou?" Sora firmly muttered.

Nemo looked away, "Okay, look I'm sorry I immediately put you up with this! I should've let you learn the basics first! I'm really sorry.." His voice faded, finally looking back at Sora again.

Sora merely took in what he had to say, but instead of acknowledging his apology or accepting his regret, she let out a weary sigh.

She made it abundantly clear that she doesn't have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with other people's apologies, especially while she is preoccupied with the concern that Nemo looks like a goldfish that was about to be eaten.

"Daijōbu, shinpaishinaidekudasai" Sora murmured.

Undeterred by the fact that there was a high chance that her efforts would fall on deaf ears, Sora made a valiant and genuine attempt to comfort Nemo even though there was a great chance that he was incapable of understanding her attempt at consolation.

"Hai, anata wa chotto saiakudesu" Sora blatantly told him even after she tried to comfort him before.

"What did you say?" Nemo said.

Okay, that definitely broke the atmosphere.

Sora just groaned and rolled her eyes, looking away from him.

"Hey! Wait I wanna know what you sai–!"

"Okay Sora, I'm back, now let's see those injuries of yours!"

Viktoriya made her return to Sora, holding a first aid kit firmly within her hand, and after allowing Nemo to exit the clinic, bandaged the young woman on specific body parts, employing a considerable degree of meticulousness to execute the task with accuracy and efficiency.

__________________________________________________

"Okayyy, Let's try a less physical activity, shall we?" The group comprising of Sora, Nemo, and Viktoriya, took up their positions on one side of the entrance, with Viktoriya firmly gripping the door handle.

Sora's left arm, which was covered in bandages, was essentially immobile, making it an exceedingly difficult task for her to attempt to exert any degree of movement while engaging the muscles in said hand and arm.

Nemo, being the ever-watchful guide he was, was right beside Sora, carefully monitoring her arm and taking necessary steps to ensure that she didn't end up injuring it further.

Viktoriya swiftly opened the door, immediately permitting Sora, Nemo and herself to gain entry into the dimly illuminated room, an environment primarily illuminated by the collection of computer monitors strewn throughout the area.

In addition to the individual who was occupied in his own task on one of the machines, there also seemed to be a number of coffee cups scattered about his surroundings, emanating a peculiar scent, with an extra cup of the same beverage being held in his hand.

And that individual is Aiden.

"Okay Aiden, times up, I'm the only one allowed here to overwork" Viktoriya made her way towards the individual who was in the midst of his work, crossing her arms while maintaining eye contact with him.

Aiden appeared to give off an expression that was rather stoic and emotionless, merely directing his gaze back towards her in response.

"Oh please, your not my mom, Halte dich aus meinem verdammten Geschäft raus.." Aiden said, with a rather sore tone in his voice.

"Okay! Just because I don't know German and you do doesn't mean you can talk shit at me like that!" Viktoriya mockingly said as she took away the cup of coffee in Aiden's hands "And..what is this?! I-..wha- Can't you drink something that's not just coffee mixed with rum and sugar?"

Aiden stood up and immediately took back the cup away from her hands, "It's called Pharisāer, thank you very much, and what are you doing here anyway?" He asked, taking another sip to finish off his drink.

"Oh right, forgot about that, well we're here to help Sora get a position in the agency" The moment Viktoriya mentioned her, Aiden found himself unexpectedly choking on his cup of hot coffee, unable to take a single sip without coughing uncontrollably.

In a hurry to clear the obstruction from his throat and regain normalcy, he hastily placed the cup on the nearby table before recovering from the sudden coughing fit he had suffered.

"Wait, as in THE Sora, Iris told us about??"

Upon being greeted by Aiden, who merely mentioned her name, Sora took this as a cue to protrude her head out from the area behind Viktoriya, who was standing in front of Aiden at the time.

Realizing that Aiden was now aware of her being present, she moved to his side, placing herself beside Viktoriya rather than remaining in her initial location.

"Oh! Oh, hey, Ms. Hoshi..Sora, right yeah, Hello, I didn't know you were there" Aiden's demeanor appeared to undergo a subtle shift, transitioning into a friendly and inviting one.

With a warm expression, he 'gently' pushed Viktoriya to the side in order to obtain a clearer viewpoint of Sora.

"Kakogo Chert–"

"Hey Aiden! Guess you didn't see me, take care of Sora for awhile, I'll be booting up my computer" Nemo also appeared behind Viktoriya, interrupting her, as he went over behind one of the computers.

"Anyways, what..happened to your arm over there?" Aiden's facial expression remained friendly and welcoming, however, a slight tone of concern could be detected underlying his voice when he asked Sora the question.

From Sora's perspective, it was starting to seem like this guy was becoming progressively weirder with each passing moment.

He was asking an overwhelming amount of questions in a rather quick succession which was somewhat strange and slightly concerning to her.

Although she maintained an outwardly composed temperament, internally, she couldn't shake off the strange vibe that she was getting from him.

Responding to his question, Sora just shrugged, not wanting him in the business.

And this just made Aiden more curious.

"Wait, hold on, is everything okay? Did these two got you in a fight?" Aiden turned towards their companions and, with a finger raised in their direction, made a disparaging remark about their perceived inability to provide adequate care for Sora.

This statement appeared to offend both Viktoriya and Nemo as they glanced over in a combination of surprise and irritability.

"Hey! What do you mean we're the ones who got her in a fight?!" Nemo broke away from his work at the computer and turned towards Aiden with a noticeably displeased demeanour.

"Yeah okay, well your wrong, your judgement is wrong, we were just trying to HELP Sora here find her station and its not like we forced her or anything, and who are you to say that we're irresponsible? Mr. passed-his-report-in-11:59." Viktoriya's retort, seemingly coming out of left field, left Aiden momentarily stunned, unsure of how to retort to the contradiction she presented.

"Okay fine, whatever Ms. debate-every-conversation-she-has, but what did happen to her?" As Aiden spoke with Viktoriya, he cast a brief glance at Sora, who seemed to be losing focus and spacing out.

"We trained her with my, self invented, premium, training dummy ofcourse" With her chin held high and her hands on her chest put flat, Viktoriya proclaimed proudly which was just met with Aiden rolling his eyes at her statement.

With a scrunched nose and an annoyed tone, Aiden gestured towards Sora.

"Look at her," he muttered, "She's totally zoned out, not even paying attention to me- to us!" He raised his voice a bit, sounding frustrated.

"We can't just let her wander around like that!" He gestured in her direction as if to imply she might get hurt if left on her own.

Meanwhile in Sora's wonderland of thoughts, 'I wonder what we'll have for lunch, maybe I can try the Pad Thai, Amara was talking about earlier..'

Viktoriya snickered, "Oh please, we haven't even fleshed out her abilities yet".

"And done, rebooting! Sora, come here!" In a swift motion, Nemo gestured for Sora to come over to him, snapping her out of her thoughts which she did so.

While Viktoriya and Aiden continued their heated discussion, Nemo took it upon himself to show Sora the ropes of coding to its basics.

"Okay, right here I already set up the program your gonna be working with, we'll start with Variables! Them obviously you kearn the basics, you can have Aiden teach for you or Viktoriya, which honestly is a better option" Nemo slightly lowered his voice and gave a light chuckle, as if he found something amusing about what he had just said.

Once Aiden and Viktoriya finished their bickering, they shifted their attention to monitoring Nemo's guidance to Sora on coding.

The three of them worked together, with Nemo serving as the primary teacher, weirdly enough.

After a few hours, Sora began to visibly show signs of tiredness, indicating that she was running low on energy for social interaction.

"We'll just have to teach you Debugging and we're done here!" Nemo stated as the door opened, revealing Azzurra on the other side "Oh hey, Aiden, Viktoriya and Nemo, Iris called for you three at her office" She said as she exchanged waving to Viktoriya.

"Tell her we're coming" Viktoriya informed, she then turned to Sora "Hey, you'll be okay here right? We'll be back soon, I promise" She swore, as she gestured for the other two to follow her outside, leaving Sora alone.

Sora didn't want to believe what was happening was real, but earlier that morning, she was forced to accept the truth.

She was feeling exhausted and bored, and as she checked the time.

It was currently 3:58 PM.

She was quite surprised she lasted for so long, but now when she's reminded by it, she haven't eaten anything since the Garlicky Bread from Iris.

"Jikai wa Amara no pattai o tabete mitai to omoimas–"

*Ding!*

A pop up notification interrupted her.

Sora shifted her gaze to the computer monitor and found that the message notification was indeed an email.

Upon closer inspection, Sora discovered that the email was from a mysterious sender named "AofD."

The subject line of the email was blank, but when she opened it, she found nothing but an image of the Joker card, accompanied by the sound of a deep, booming chuckle that seemed to echo through her mind.

The image and sound conveyed the feeling that the Joker was laughing at her, she was played.

Suddenly, the sounds of sirens filled the air, echoing throughout the space and making it clear that this emergency was happening outside of just the room.

At the same time, the room began flashing red, making it clear that whatever was happening was a serious situation.

Sora instinctively stood up, covering her ears to block out the noise, and then looked around at the other computers in the room.

To her horror, she saw that they were all displaying the same image of the Joker card that she had received in the email.

As the chaos unfolded around her, Sora felt a sense of confusion and helplessness wash over her.

All she knew was that she was in serious trouble, and she had no idea how to get herself out of it.

The fear and uncertainty that washed over her made her feel like she was trapped in a nightmare that she couldn't wake up from.

"Sora! What did you do?!" Viktoriya burst into the room, pushing the door open forcibly.

Behind her, Aiden and Nemo were hot on her heels, panting from the run.

Only to find Sora who had sheer terror and distress in her eyes.

__________________________________________________

"I understand your upset but please hear me out..!"

As the crisis began to calm down and the initial danger was subsided, Iris could be seen pacing around the room, speaking to someone on the phone, her tone becoming more and more distraught as the conversation progressed.

"I mean ofcourse..Hah! But please- I've been doing my job properly and i can fix this, please!" Iris chuckled nervously.

Sora sat huddled in the corner of the room, her eyes filled with a mixture of fear and anxiety.

Despite her best efforts, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was in deep trouble.

Nemo sat beside her, keeping her company and trying to provide some soothing presence.

Viktoriya was standing nearby, looking concerned for Iris, who was still talking on the phone and seemed to be in a state of distress.

Aiden was assigned outside to take care of the other's questions.

"Hey..is Iris gonna be okay?" Questioned Nemo.

Viktoriya just looked at him, she's as clueless as he is "I..honestly don't know"

"Your not listening to me! This isn't fair..! Hello..? Shit.." As Iris dropped her phone, gravity took over, with the device clattering to the ground.

Viktoriya noticed Iris's slip and immediately rushed to her side, extending her arms to catch her.

She held Iris in a soft embrace, providing a warm and comforting presence as Iris tried to regain her composure.

"Is something gonna happen?" Nemo chimed in.

Iris groaned, "..The President's Secretary will visit tomorrow.."

Nemo's eyes grow wide, and he gasps, as if in disbelief.

However, upon further consideration and realization, he decides not to express his confusion and returns to his previous state, coming up to the conclusion he doesn't know what she's talking about.

"Wait, is that bad?"

"Yes it is bad, ugh! Last time visited, we had to tent outside because a single piece of paper was on the floor!" Iris exclaimed, getting out from Viktoriya's grasp.

Iris lets out a sound of frustration, her body slumping forward.

Nemo notices and immediately gestures towards her with concern as he quickly stands up to offer his assistance.

Viktoriya approaches Sora.

"Go back to your room for now." Her response was icy, and her expression devoid of emotion however, there was a brief pause.

This was the first time Sora had encountered someone like this ever since she woke up, and it sent horror down her spine.

Despite this, her obedience took over, and she reluctantly followed, placing her hand onto her other arm as she departed the room.

____________________________________________

As Sora walked down the hallway, she moved swiftly and with purpose away from her starting point.

She paced with a sense of urgency, and didn't bother to look left or right, her attention solely focused on reaching her destination.

And then stopping.

Sora felt the tears begin to build up in her eyes.

Despite her attempt to stop them from falling, she felt a lump forming in her throat.

She felt upset with the way Viktoriya had spoken to her, the suddenness of it all, and the way it wasn't what she was expecting.

She knew she made a mistake, but why was she getting so upset about someone she barely even knew?

Sora quickly snapped herself out of her thoughts, slapping herself in the face to clear her head.

She shook off the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her and took a deep breath.

She reminded herself that she needed to be strong and protect her emotions, especially in the face of a potential visit from the government.

She steadied her nerves, preparing herself for whatever might come her way.

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ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au · 4 years

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part four: my thoughts on the characters of agents of shield

preview of what’s underneath ‘KEEP READING’

adrianne palicki — i would let bobbi do whatever she wants to me. blonde or brunette.

luke mitchell — i didn’t even ship it that hard & i was bawling my eyes out.

b.j. britt - i’m not over trip dying.

link to part one - LINK

link to part two - LINK

link to part three - LINK

adrianne palicki — still bitter. gonna say it again. B I T T E R.

but moving on - i wanted her + simmons to hook up (not stay together cause fitzsimmons) with how she looked at simmons & how simmons gushed about bobbi when she saved her from hydra. speaking of. her reveal at hydra? that right there, that scene, is my entire sexuality. i would let bobbi do whatever she wants to me. blonde or brunette. the scenes where she is being tortured both broke my heart & impressed the hell out of me? cause her acting was on point. her come back scene with the fight next to the pool - also my sexuality.

this will go into my writing/storyline post but the entire ‘secret shield’ thing felt... meh. especially with bobbi. i don’t know why. i know she’s meant to be an expert on infiltration so she could easily act like fitting in with coulson & the team was perfect + whatever but after a while with the team, the idea of betraying them the way hydra did to all of them? it just doesn’t feel right.

luke mitchell — i’m gonna say off the bat that i am biased because i’m a lesbian. so i was, off the bat hoping that skye/daisy would be a lesbian too or at least bisexual & end up with a girl. also as a lesbian - i am legit blind to men & their attractiveness. i can barely tell when they are alive, let alone attractive, they all fucking look the same. so when i say i didn’t think lincoln was cute or attractive it is 100% with bias.

that being said - he was a good character & his relationship with skye/daisy was fucking adorable & tragic. the way he took care of her in afterlife, showing her his control over his powers by making her float a bit. not immediately attacking her when she turned against afterlife, listening & understanding that she was right. helping to take down the rest of afterlife even though that was the one place he had been safe.

then everything with hive??? daisy tricking him but him understanding & loving her anyway? knowing that she was gonna do something stupid like sacrifice herself. then taking her place because he was already injured & he loves her. fuck. i didn’t even ship it that hard & i was bawling my eyes out. that scene between lincoln & hive? i get chills thinking about it.

b.j. britt - i’m not over trip dying. i don’t think i’m ever gonna be over him dying. how he died. the method. the scene. his chemistry with the rest of the team. how it was just... brushed off almost? they did not fully explore the grief that a normal team would have felt. they got maybe two or three scenes of real grief. i’ll talk about it more in my writing/storyline post.

i considered putting trip in with the “side characters” post i’m gonna do but fuck that. he was part of this team & he deserves to be on this list.

the way trip interacted with the entire team was a treasure. how it started with jemma’s little crush. how he had this bond with skye. when he would say “girl” in that way he did that made it such a nice word. it was never misogynistic. he always had a smile too.

b.j. acted the hell out of that final scene of his too. “i came to get you” - then when skye started to cocoon & he kicked the monolith hoping for something to change but nothing did. then he screamed & realized that he had been stabbed with the crystal. slowly he turned to hollow rock. i think the saddest part to me is that trip died thinking skye hadn’t survived. that he failed. fuck.

trip deserved better.

#agents of shield #marvel #tv shows #my thoughts #my opinion #b.j. britt #antoine triplett #luke mitchell #lincoln campbell #adrianne palicki #bobbi morse

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that-banana-headed-bovine · 4 years

Text

Season 2 Shenanigans

AHEYYY sO I went on a giant Knight Rider binge the last few days, and I've FINALLY seen all of Season 2!! Big thank you to @trust-doesnt-oxidize who watched with me and stayed up absurdly late because I wanted to see Garthe before I went to bed AIDBWJFNEM

I just wanted to post a quick reaction to all of the episodes, spoiler warning activated!

Goliath Parts 1 & 2

I LOVE MY DOOFY VILLAIN SON. K.I.T.T. is HILARIOUS, I love his dynamic with Goliath, as is evident by my handle oops- I hate how Season 2 starts with my son almost dying tho, almost had a heart attack tyvm! This is back before I knew anything about the direction of the rest of the series so I was legitimately in shock lmbo- Moustache Michael is a gem tho I love him. I SURE HOPE HE STAYS A DUMB VILLAIN WHO'S JUST REALLY SILLY TO WATCH. SURE HOPE THEY DON'T TAKE HIM TOO SERIOUSLY.

Brother's Keeper - Blind Spot

I- forgot that these episodes existed until I looked at the episode list for this, soooo...

I should really not be lazy and look up an episode summary and try to remember what I thought of these but the problem is that I am in fact going to be lazy because this post is already taking so long

Return to Cadiz

This episode is so,,, frustrating. Not the plot or the format or anything like that, nono... I mean how they essentially introduced April. Like, okay, I know that she has been here since the beginning of Season 2, but she hadn’t really said much up until now. This was where we really got to know who she would be, and, uh... After this episode, I absolutely hated her. Despised even. She forces my son to go drive on the same ocean on the same beach where Karr DIED without any testing beforehand AND is chastising Michael in a flirtatious way. The heCK is this woman?! WHERE’S MY BONNIE???!!! I was so mad at her you guys I. But the thing is, I don’t hate April, not by a long shot. In some ways, the rest of Season 2 does a better job giving her a character than all of Season 1 did for Bonnie! I really enjoyed April and wish that both could have stayed. BUT THIS EPISODE makes her SO HATEABLE and I just ugh.

also I tried to watch this a long time before I got to and after seeing the intro and not knowing the title of K.I.T.T. vs. K.A.R.R. at that point in time, I thought Karr was gonna come back based on all the panoramic shots of the underwater and I am so sad that he didn’t so oops this episode gets my wrath a bit

K.I.T.T. the Cat

0/10 there are no cats. False advertising.

Seriously tho this episode was a pretty run of the mill episode. The best part of the episode was Kitt, because it always is, but seriously that guy with the hedges was amazing- I GOT THE GAG BY THE THIRD TIME IT HAPPENED BUT THE FIRST TIME HE GOT STUCK IN THE TREE OH MY GOSH I WAS DY I N G- Also the fact that Kitt messed him up again trying to apologize is so sad yet funny ahosihdfiohasdf

Custom K.I.T.T.

APRIL GET THAT STUPID DECAL OFF HIM OH MY G O S H-

Somehow her 2-d design ideas looked almost worse than the actual thing and I thought the actual thing looked like a that default sticker decal that you get on a Hotwheels car. I’msorryI’mnottryingtoroastanyartistsIjust I why there’s so much potential with giving Kitt decals :(

Seriously I want to use my drawing software to draw fire on Kitt at some point because it could be done so cool and that ain’t it chief. I’m probably not going to be too great at it either since I don’t do backgrounds nearly enough and fire would be a background element for the most part but I could at least alter the colors ; m ; OR LIGHTNING OH MY GOSH AAA LIGHTNING WOULD BE SO COO L ON HIM- anyway it needed so much more red- and it was so asymmetrical too aHHHH-

I. I’m fine it’s fine I’m fine it’s fi-

I don’t even know why Kitt needed a decal anyway, the other cars didn’t have to have decals to be considered custom, surely his dash alone could have done it-

ANYWAY

This ep was so WEIRD at times oh my gosh. What was that series of insults the two ladies spat at each other? Like the one just complimented her eyeshadow aggressively and the other one accused her of wearing “training bras” or something like whAT EXCU S E ME What is this episode?! Kitt was so upset about the decal too :[

Soul Survivor

OH MY GOSH IT’S CUTE IT’S SO CUTE YOU GUYS-

I was recalling @knight-rider-fan-2000‘s theory about this episode (plz go check them out btw aaaa), and after watching it I totally agree. Michael was especially kind in this episode, and he seems to be overall a more supportive mentor for Kitt this season, starting with Soul Survivor and being pretty consistent throughout. I love their new dynamic so much- There’s definitely still episodes and moments where he’s closer to Season 1 Michael, but Season 2 Michael is a far superior human being in my opinion.

KITT’S SO ADORABLE LIL TINY CPU OH MY G O S H YOU’RE TELLING ME OUR SON IS ACTUALLY T H A T SMALL AAAAA

Michael really is so sweet in this oh my gosh, that whole arc where Kitt is his partner no matter what and that the car isn’t what made Kitt-- AW!!!! ADORABLE! Kitt being so unsure that he repeatedly asks Michael how it feels to see the Knight 2000 without him in it or fusses about his limited functionality as Michael patiently reassures him again and again that he’s wanted just the way he is, I just- Feelings.

One thing that hit me as funny though is when Michael finds Kitt’s CPU in the garage and the trash can is just like PULSATING and then he like yells at it like “tAlK tO mE kItT” and Kitt’s jus sitting there as a box of colored lights like “...”

I can just imagine a cut scene where Kitt’s like, “Oh and by the way Michael, if I could have said something I would have done so LONG before you started asking me to. Believe it or not, I don’t like being in a trash can.”

“You Dingaling.”

Also Michael and his whole “I’m an honest man you can trust me listen I’ll give you a small TV just like this one” and then he proceeded to not do that. Hmm.

Anyway, yeah, it doesn’t get any cuter than this. The only thing that would have been better is if Adrianne didn’t exist. Good thing she’s gone now~!

Ring of Fire

THIS IS SO TRIPPY THIS EPISODE IS SO TRIPPY

I would say that I hate Michael trying to get Kitt to subject himself to testing if he can withstand insane levels of heat. I would say that if April did not then walk in and karma the crap out of him. Gosh I loved it. How he immediately was like whAT NOOO YOU WOULDN’T MAKE SOMEONE DO THAT and Kitt’s just like :/

dang hypocrite, Michael my feelings towards you are so complicated sometimes

anyway

So. Many. Dogs. I usually love seeing Kitt interact with dogs but this started to get unsettling, I can’t blame him for not loving 6 different dogs all swarming him at once whAT- Have they nothing better to do than to jump on my son. What the heck language were those banjo players singing in? Was it a language or was it just gibberish keyboard spam that accidentally made it to the final script AOSHDIAOHSD

This whole swamp setting is really unique to this episode, and part of me really does commend the chance they took by switching up settings. It’s almost always a small town on desert roads. The way this all happened though was??? What?

I think the scriptwriters forgot that Return to Cadiz exists because Kitt got so much water damage AHSIDHAOISDH- I know April said the system was damaged but surely it would have minimized this a little bit. Also did literally anything change by the end of this episode? We didn’t see the guy get arrested, did we? And the girl decided to stay living out in the swamp forest thing. The only thing is that she, like, conquered her fear or something? Even though she still isn’t acting in that direction?

This episode didn’t actually d o anything did it LOL

alsowhatevenwasthatexplosion

It’s not a bad episode though, just really bizarre.

Knightmares

YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID ABOUT IT NOT GETTING ANY CUTER?

I WAS WRONG.

THIS EPISODE this episode THIS EPISODE. TOP TWO MATERIAL? MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK. TDR will always be my fav until the end of time I’m pretty sure because I don’t think another episode will get me to ugly sob like that (aLTHOUGH I AM MEGA HYPE HERE BECAUSE I WATCHED KvK AND IT WAS GOOD ALSO BUT WE’LL GET TO TH A T LATER) but in terms of sheer adorable buddies happiness this is the winner by all accounts. I really like how they portray Michael Long, and I genuinely think the arc here has an impact on the rest of the season in terms of how Michael treats Kitt.

I love how Michael had told Kitt a long time ago how they were partners, like how he used to have a partner when he was a police officer, and how now when Long is so confused about everything everyone is trying to tell him, Kitt chooses this specific word to help introduce himself, and everything feels a bit more grounded for Long. I love how Long immediately revolts against the way Devon and April try to tell him he’s wrong about who he is currently, which is, despite good intentions, the opposite of what he needs. I love how Kitt then swoops in behind him and decides to treat Michael Long like a WHOLE NEW PERSON, one who Kitt tries to get to know. I love how Long recognizes just how hard Kitt is trying and genuinely opens up to him. I love how he never reverts to being mean or rude to Kitt after he gets in the car the second time, NOT EVEN ONE sarcastic comment. How he never calls him a computer again after Kitt asks him not to, how he compliments his new partner left and right, how despite having no clue who Knight is he really wants to be that person for Kitt, because Kitt seems sincere and pretty great. I adore that bit where Kitt gently, lovingly lists traits good and bad about Knight and how Long can finally connect to this other version of himself.

“One more thing about Michael Knight.”

“What’s that?”

“I was extremely fond of him”

I love how Long starts saying “Good work, Kitt” after they complete parts of their mission and how Knight does not stop this for the rest of the season, even after he regains his memory. I love so much about this and could frankly talk about it even more than this but this is a brief summary so. So yeah, we’re moving on ;W;

Silent Knight

It’s funny so. I didn’t realize that Knight Rider had done any Christmas specials. I knew about the Halloween specials, but I didn’t realize the Christmas special existed. And so I was laughing at how funnee I was while I was like “SILENT KNIGHT HOLY KNIGHT ALL IS COME-” and then that’s exactly what the pun was meant to be. they done bamboozled me.

ANYWAY THIS MIGHT BE THE STRANGEST CHRISTMAS SPECIAL TO EVER EXIST EVER.

They kept mentioning the Christmas banquet thing to make it mildly related to the season but then it wasn’t, it really wasn’t, it all revolved around clowns. There was. There was a Santa I guess. Albeit a bank robber Santa--

And the kid is juuust obnoxious at first, I love how Kitt absolutely hates him immediately for some reason even though Kitt usually doesn’t hate people unless they do something really bad, but it feels so deserved because the kid is a jeeerk. Maybe it’s because the kid accused him of endangering human life and that Hurt?

Kid: Just let me drive and I’ll throw away this dumb clock thing

Michael: No

Kitt: YES

Michael: W H A T ?!

Kitt: YES

Michael: ugh whatever

I was kind of expecting Kitt to pull some sort of shenanigans while the kid was driving as payback for whatever he absolutely despised him for, but Kitt was actually just really sweet and gave him a bit of freedom until he started endangering himself and then helped him get back into control. Very wholesome.

AND the end was CUTE though, like the boy who had previously been a jerk going over and patting Kitt and being just sincerely nice to him ;w; wholesome

A Knight in Shining Armor

Gosh I always forget what this episode is about because the title is so loosely related LOL

The dynamic with Michael and the girl of the week was actually really cute and chemistry was not entirely nonexistant, so that’s a nice change from some of these that come out of nowhere. Her arc was actually pretty sweet, how she resented technology because she wanted to be loved and cared about, how she thought computers were incapable of doing that until she talked to Kitt...

And the cave was prebby.

But why couldn’t she understand that her DAD was in PRISON.

“Why didn’t he ever come to see me?” “Because he was in Jail.” “oh. But why didn’t he call???”

Diamonds Aren't a Girl's Best Friend

SOMEONE

AHAHA

SOMEONE CALLED MICHAEL

AHAHA

BERNIE CALLED HIM A DINGALING. Speaking of Bernie, all I could think this whole episode was

White-Line Warriors

LONG-LEGGED PUNK-

Seriously idk what this season’s love affair with the baddies picking on Michael but I love it.

Honestly the twist of this episode was really interesting, I still don’t fully get how the baddies’ plan comes together though. So the song plays on the radio and the police go to investigate the drag racers and the crims are IMMEDIATELY ready? okay then.

Radio announcer Kitt tho. That is blessed.

I want Radio Announcer Kitt. Then again, I just want more Kitt in general so.

Race for Life

INHALE

Y’ALL ARE REAAALLY TRYING TO MAKE ME DETHRONE KNIGHTMARES AS THE CUTEST, AREN’T YOU?

Well ha, joke’s on you episode, you’re getting docked points for only giving Kitt and Becky two interactions. And for making the donor obnoxious for most of the episode (although that end scene was pretty adorable). So, okay, second cutest.

THE WAY KITT WAVED I-

HE IS SO CUTE

he is so cute.

Devon was really sweet this episode, not gonna lie. I’m not sure if I’ve said it on this blog before, but I had strong dislike for Devon after Season 1. I can explain that later if anyone wants, I’d be perfectly willing to compare the two seasons, but Season 2 Devon is pretty alright. He doesn’t have much of a presence, but when he does, he’s kind. I’m assuming he let Becky win at checkers, in which case uh, aW?! Devon that’s cute.

KITT TRYING TO TEACH THE TEN YEAR OLD CHESS AHSIODHOAISD I LOVE YOU BUDDY

Also, I feel like this is the episode April really became her own character, separate from Cadiz. She’d kind of just been a slightly perkier Bonnie, but now we get to see her family, her concerns... And April’s a pretty good character.

OH AND THE WHOLE “Kitt is family” ARC IS THE SWEETEST THING ASHDHAOSDohIAD

“Julio, meet Kitt. He’s part of the family”

“Thank you, Michael.”

MY. HEART.

Speed Demons

Okay so. This is another one of those episodes where very little seemed to change by the end of the episode. The guy who was actually in danger quit motorcycling anyway soooo... The episode plot itself isn’t what I feel like talking about.

What was WITH that one announcer guy? Were we meant to like him or not??? First he tries to Kick the Kitt and Kitt’s like :/ whatever

and then he comes back and they start to have like, a deep conversation, and he lovingly pats the hood before walking away. And we’re like AWWW OKAY THIS GUY IS NOT TO BAD

AND THEN he asks Kitt to talk for someone and Kitt’s like “...” and the guy riots. Why did Kitt not talk for him and why did the guy go so absolutely bonkers when he didn’t? Were the cameras rolling and I just didn’t realize? And then we kind of hate the guy again because he once again absolutely went ballistic at Kitt. “That’s Showbiz.”

But then the dynamic with that coworker keeps coming up, and yeah, I guess she does seem a bit annoying. But she also seems like a potential lady of the week and a potential protagonist. So when she gets splashed with mud or whatever that was and the guys all like :D

What are we meant to be feeling?

Are we meant to feel bad for her or happy for him?

Because I just felt confused.

Goliath Returns 1 & 2

GOSH DARNIT ADRIANNE IS BACK

ALSO I-I-I I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU BEING A DOOFY AND STUPID VILLAIN JUST P L E A S E STOP ; M ;

SERIOUSLY WHEN DID GARTHE TURN FULL PSYCHOPATH-

THE FEELING I GOT REMINDED ME OF WATCHING THE SHERLOCK FINALE. S H E R L O C K F I N A L E.

Sigh, I should have known he’d gone off the deep end when he walked into a hot tub with jeans on.

I will forever be mad at some versions coughincludingtheoneIwaswatchingoncough for cutting out the fact that Kitt’s microchip was almost ENTIRELY WIPED/OVERWRITTEN AND PUT INTO GOLIATH. Because uh, the way the show cut it up for TV, it seems like Kitt’s really in no danger other than being annoyed. But no, literally everyone almost dies. Fun times!

Seriously why did this convoluted garbage get a two-parter but Kitt vs. Karr didn’t?

This episode makes me sad. Not just because Garthe tried, and almost succeeded, to take away everything we love in this show. Not just because this episode strayed far enough from the typical formula for this to seem like some dystopian nightmare version of Knight Rider. Not just because freaking Adrianne is back.

I mean because I loved Garthe’s character, and this totally changed it. I like that they went into Garthe’s trauma a bit more with this one, but unlike some villains in the Knight Rider canon (okay let’s not play games, UNLIKE KARR-), what he does is so dastardly, SO insaNE, that there is no way to argue that he might be justified. No. No. Garthe, Adrianne, and Goliath are gone now, and that’s how it had to be.

OH ALSO GO O F F APRIL YES QUEEN I LOVE YOU- I honestly felt so bad for her when she turned around and broke down right after standing up to him, like dang, that hurts. And Devon was sweet in this episode too ;w;

Okay but were they planning on making another episode of this? Because that end scene was such an obvious teaser it’s not even funny.

“I hope we don’t run into those very much drowned people out in the streets again, Michael. And I especially hope that they do not construct another semitrailer with the exact same scale and name as the previous one that was driven into the ocean.”

“Yes, I agree Kitt, this is also an anxiety that I possess despite the fact that they are very much definitely Deceased. I sure hope that plot convenience does not interfere in the future.”

THANK GOODNESS THAT ADRIANNE IS GONE

wait what? her actress is in another episode as another character who’s just as awful? wHYYYYYY

A Good Knight's Work

THAT BEAR NEEDS TO DIE. I am so glad Michael ejected the dumb thing at the end, Kitt deserved it. Especially after Michael essentially told him to temporarily kill himself. Michael's a cyberbully now ig. The arc with Kitt and the car salesman was cute. Apparently deactivation is considered programming now? Michael my mans you could have given Kitt any warning at all (I kind of take this back after one of the Season 3 episodes I’ve watched uHHHH this was a lot of warning compared to how Michael rolls in S3 what the heck is wrong with him). Cute episode overall tho I guess. ALSO I JUST NOW REALIZED "A GOOD KNIGHT'S WORK" IS A PUN BECAUSE KITT IS WILTON KNIGHT'S WORK AND I'M MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT NOTICING IT SOONER-

Mouth of the Snake and that other garbage one that's title makes no sense

David might as well be a plank of wood. A plank of wood that yeets himself ten feet into the air whenever possible, but I digress. Does this count as superpowers? I just love how he offended Kitt 0.1 seconds after meeting him and then Michael proceeded to tell Kitt off for reacting. Love that soooo much. It's also hilarious to me how most of this episode has a similar structure to most Knight Rider episodes and then they randomly start reacreating the Most Dangerous Game--

Let it Be Me

Why isn't this the season finale?! I mean, I'm glad it's not, but why? This is way worse than White Bird like why- I feel like the Stevie episodes are kind of a controversy in this fandom? I loved the first one. This one's just, blegh it's okay. She and Michael still have pretty great chemistry WHEN THEY ARE SPEAKING IN REGULAR SPEECH. I do not like Stevie singing the same song with Michael 100 times. The duet at the end is kind of cute though, sue me I like corny things.

Stevie: I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have been with this one guy but ;m;

Michael: has been with approximately 100 women by now

Also Michael: How could you ;m;

Big Iron

This episode is kinda wild. Why does the guy manage to have a full out breakup with Lucy in less than one minute? Why is Michael a marriage counselor now? Why couldn't Kitt take the oxygen out of the cabin when Michael was definitely going to die if he didn't? Since when does Turbo Boost use a ton of oxygen anyway? Why does this man just immediately make up with his wife after finding out that she helped him? And most of all, WHY DIDN'T THAT BARTENDER LADY ACT THE LEAST BIT CONCERNED WHEN THEY ABSOLUTELY TORE UP THE PLACE??? Lmbo she's just like "Stop it guys :/"

It’s so bizarre that this is the season finale ahsdoifhasodf but go off I guess NBC

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