#this show has always been a mess
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Ok as someone with a longstanding special interest in scooby doo, I feel qualified to pitch an actual "real" reboot. They're poly, in a qpr, and instead of solving random mysteries, people come to them to help solve crimes that the police have brushed off. They're Benoit Blanc except they're four people and they have a dog. Scooby can still talk, somehow
#stupid flighty bullshit#scooby doo#the core defining trait of scooby doo has always been the gang's love for each other!!#whether its romantic or platonic that is a found family right there and creating arbitrary drama between them is just stupid!!#like if you want to make a realistic version of scooby doo you could do soooo much better than that mess of a show!!!
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I've only recently started having my own thoughts about Emanator!Sampo and I think my favorite version of this is that he is technically an Emanator, it's just that he doesn't talk about it because Aha is a dick who only blesses people that don't want it and Sampo hates it here dkjxkdkdck
Aha blessed the Mourning Actors! A whole faction of people who have specifically made it their life's mission to resist Elation! THEY made a literal worm THEIR Emanator just to see if it would be accepted into the Genius Society! And when it wasn't, Aha just as easily killed it and tossed it aside! So I feel like there is a good possibility that Aha looked down at Sampo, this little oddball who doesn't seem to even like Epsilon or a lot of the Masked Fools and was like.
Hey.
You know what would be really really funny.
And I feel like being an Emanator wouldn't even be a plus for Sampo, because of how he operates. Sampo excels at blending in; he managed to smuggle himself onto a planet
that had been isolated for 700 years,
with only one (1) single city on it,
and going even further, he snuck himself into the Underground,
where the population is even more sparse,
and STILL. Not a single accusation of him being an alien! Not even after the Astral Express lands and proves that interstellar space travel is possible! Sampo is so thoroughly ingrained into Belobog that yeah, some people admit they don't know his origins, but none of it ever comes with the question of whether he actually is a Belobog native or not. Sampo knows exactly how to blend himself into his surroundings in the most subtle way possible. And being an Emanator, something far more powerful than any normal human or Pathstrider could ever hope to be, would only throw in a massive extra variable for him. Sampo would have to be so so careful to keep a lid on his Emanator traits, to keep up the appearance of being totally normal and average at all times. It doesn't help him at all.
And this part is pure indulgence, but I love taking Aha's closeness with mortals, and THEIR tendency to take human form, and twisting it into a case of THEM using Sampo as a vessel.
I want Aha to look at Sampo the same way all of us look at Sampo. A chew toy. A plaything. Something to shove through the meat grinder. Aha thinks Sampo is hilarious and a funny, silly little guy, and THEY want to put him in Situations just to see what he does. Sampo is not a fan.
This though, this is what makes Sampo so wildly entertaining as a vessel. Because Aha knows that Sampo does not want to be a vessel, does not even want to be an Emanator, and THEY find it SO much fun to watch the mental gymnastics he has to pull to convince himself he's ok with it, this is fine actually, because he's not exactly about to tell off a literal god. He doesn't feel like getting a smiting today, please and thank you.
Because squeezing yourself into a human vessel is so different than merely adopting a human disguise, there's already a human soul in there, it's kind of a tight fit. If Sampo doesn't make room, doesn't all but dissociate right out of his own body, it could cause. Consequences.
And so, Aha always gives a warning, just to watch him squirm.
It begins with the sound of bells.
Just little ones, at first. Small, clinking little sounds that could even be considered nice. Something almost gentle, like a wind chime in a pleasant breeze on a warm day. This is the signal for the countdown.
Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Makes himself as small as possible within his own body.
The bells rise and multiply, tinkling wind chimes give way to sleigh bells, to shopkeepers bells, the sound of something inevitable approaching, something entering.
Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Dilutes himself, weaker and weaker concentrations.
The bells rise and rise, multiply and multiply, celebration and tragedy resonating in the sound of church bells, ringing bright and loud, the sounds of weddings and funerals both the same.
Sampo breathes in, breathes out. Becomes like smoke, like vapor. Hollows himself out.
Empty, empty, empty until he echoes, like a bell, like something with the sole purpose of being shaken and rattled around, a thing to be struck, the sounds jarring and punched out and gasping and piercing the air, the lung, the eardrum.
Sampo breathes in.
Beaten he rings, bashed in he sings.
Aha breathes out.
#sampo koski#hsr sampo#hsr aha#emanator!sampo#emanator sampo#hsr#honkai star rail#my fics#pardon me I've been listening to a lot of kara kara kara by kikuo lately dkxjkskdmd#I really like Emanator Sampo theories and even think canon is pointing that way- assuming he isn't just Aha in disguise#but I also like Sampo being a pathetic little guy. a squeaky toy. just a little dude.#and thus. this skzjnskdkd#an Emanator but pathetic about it haha#stringing Sampo up like a piñata so I can beat him with the possession angst stick ☆#he just has a lot of personality. Sampo is very bright and vibrant and distinctive-#-and always perfectly in control of himself to put on the best show.#so I think it's most jarring to see him dissociate- to see him go completely still and quiet just trying to breathe and settle#breate and settle breathe and settle breathe and settle#until he looks distant and hazy and goes unresponsive. until he feels like he is barely within his own body.#aha thinks this is funny#sampo tells himself he does too because it's easier that way#(shaking hands with Aha and Sparkle as I too like to mess with Sampo and put him in situations snkzjsjdkd)
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rouge >>>>>>>>
#rouge has never really been a favorite but theres something about how shes written or animated or designed that just clicked and i love her#so so much now#ive always loved her !! this one just hits different#struggled so much to make the pinks purples and blues work together tho .literal bisexual mess but it works somehow#personally a big fan of her bigger wings theres no way game canon rouge can fly insert bee movie script#sonic the hedgehog#sonic prime#rouge the bat#sth#doodles#this show will be the end of me
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Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!
There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!
I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)
And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.
#there’s a whole other bit to this about how like. it’s hard for fandom to hold the idea that someone can be both a victim and abusive#at the same time. that the ways someone has been hurt don’t always shape them into kindness and wide-eyed sympathy. occasionally it just#makes them hard to live with. and I think most obviously is the thing that a lot of what Dean does is an expression of love. of protection.#he’s very much his father’s son in that way. that’s why Sam. the guy he’s been Told to protect his whole life. is also the person he ends up#hurting the most. it’s tragedy. it’s realistic. it’s a good fucking mess.#and that’s why I don’t get interpretations of dean that are determined to shave off the ugly parts of his character. to me those are the#parts that make him a character worth revisiting. he’s so full of love. and he uses it to hurt people. he means to sometimes. a lot of the#time he doesn’t but hurts them anyway. he has been shaped by violence his whole life. and it’s just. I get why someone might take this#part of him away. to make him easier to love. because I get that he’s stressful to watch also like I get that. but he is.#he is compelling. in his anger and his controlling behavior and his strangling love. he is compelling in all the ways he has become this.#Dean’s degradation into these behaviors can be both a failure of a show that ran to long but also the believable trajectory of a man who#can’t heal. and I love him for that. I love him for emerging from pain as a angry sharp thing. I love that it brings the glimpses of him#being gentler and recognizing his actions as bad into stark relief. I love that this recognition often only lasts until he is hurt again and#then he backpedals into the safety of behaviors he knows will allow him to control a situation through force or manipulation.#it’s good fucking mess. you know? dean winchester everybody.#maybe I should have put all that in the main post. oh well. too late now.#spn#dean winchester#tw abuse
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different asker but i would like to add on to the last ask if thats okay? curious to know which characters you think would be the opposite, like who can't shut down no matter how hard they try? bonus for the characters who have to outsource their self regulation a little
Nekomaru is an emotionally healthy man and he lets it all out! Usually in the gym but sometimes you might catch a Very tight hug and/or some tears (mostly a problem with the touch-averse crew). He can't fully shut it down you'll Notice the mood even if he doesn't say anything.
Fuyuhiko is fine at shutting down more sensitive feelings but he needs like actual help with his anger issues. They go 0 to 100 real fast and he doesn't even think to temper himself before he's already said or done something unhelpful. If he's sad he won't act on it but you'll still notice, he's worse at pretending than he thinks he is
Ibuki doesn't see why she would ever even try. (Redirecting the emotion is different)
Mikan obviously is very bad at keeping level headed when it comes to sadness, anxiety, and at times anger (but the last one is the quiet kind, less noticeable but more scary)
#not an art#Fuyuhiko Mikan Hiyoko and Kazuichi all need some help with emotions#Fuyuhiko with genuine aggressive anger Hiyoko with the mean girl bully stuff#Mikan with the over-apologizing (actually not helpful when you *are* sorry!) and inability to confront#And kaz with just. How he shows emotions to people (like Sonia and Gundham...) Like the fact that he has them is fine-#-but people aren't always ready to actively indulge them and he tends to take it as rejection rather than a boundary#But honestly everyone needs emotional help. This class is a mess. Let's not even mention teru and nagito#I assume that's what you meant by outsourcing?#Obligatory disclaimer: none of these are a diss on the characters it's observations#And also something most people need to do at least once in their life. Like cmon don't tell me you've never been overly nonconfrontational#Or somehow otherwise emotionally disregulated. Everyone does it everyone has it it's a human thing not a Moral Flaw
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Luke Arnold did not put his entire psyche and pussy into John Silver to the detriment of his own health for yall to say Silver is a mastermind liar and not a fucking repressed bisexual MESS
#have you SEEN him?#fucking LOOK AT HIM??#watch the actor act his performance is EXTREMELY layered of Man Desperately Trying to Suppress Weird and Big Emotions about Flint#especially in s2 check my woof woof tag the body language is VERY READABLE#but it doesn't GO AWAY in later seasons it just Shifts#black sails#john silver#he's trying to hide it but it peeks through a LOT#lemme find a post#listen just this Idea I've been seeing over and over that Silver is Always Performing and like... there's no genuine expression#or that he somehow has complete mastery of himself LMAO it just utterly discounts the Actual Text of the show#and the actor's performance#which is... SLOPPY BITCH TRYING REAL HARD TO PERFORM BUT IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE... A LOT#treating Silver like a narrative device can be fun and great but uhhh yall have bought into the legend you got tricked#he's literally just a fucking ptsd ridden mess 30 traumas/snakes in a trenchcoat#My Opinion About This Has Been Well Documented in Fic#but I guess I just lost my mind in the tags blaming this one on Etoile
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Every time I see the English translation of a certain Clear Card panel with Touyuki appearing on my TL I want to pull my hair because that line was mistranslated so, so badly and people are making speculations and going nuts about it in the tags and it's all based on something that doesn't exists because that's not what Touya says, not at all. Like, not even remotely. It's also so out of character for him to say something like that, I don't know how his fans don't realize something is off in that line.
One day I will compile those translation mistakes in one giant google sheet or something, I need to turn this into a mission because it's honestly so irritating to see how riddled with mistakes this localization is, sometimes to the point of messing with important parts of the plot. I don't see them releasing a decently translated edition in the near future, so it's all I can do to give back some respect to the story. Clamp are aware of the translation mistakes and how they change the perception of the story for the foreign readers, just as they are aware of the posts I've made about them over the years (they talked about this in a Space long time ago, and I still cherish that mention in my heart with pride). But there was basically nothing they could do at the time, if not suggesting the English readers to check the posts mentioning the translation differences. That's great and all, I'm glad I have their blessing but this is also not really how ideally one should read a story. My posts are long and filled with personal comments and maybe that would deter many people from checking out what a certain line actually says, so I need to find a quicker and easier way. Also, I started to do those only from chapter 40 onwards (and in the beginning I was way overzealous, I would need to revise) and this panel I'm mentioning above is part of the butchery they did in the first volumes, which weren't covered by my posts yet.
#sorry for the vent but everytime I see certain panels my blood boils#i love Touyuki they're soulmates and I'm all for their moments together but damn that line was really NOT IT#it's so maddening to think how little respect was used in the translation of this work#and how much of the translator's bias shows through shamelessly#this is also referencing to how people probably still believe Lilie had a thing with Momo#while being very much engaged to Akiho's future father#another terrible translation mistake that hinted at a wlw pair when there was none of it#as I always say headcanons are free real estate#and you can mess around with them however you like#but canon must stay canon and the translation has to reflect precisely what's been said in the original JP text#no ifs and no buts#people deserve to know the real story#not being lied to for the sake of inventing stuff or giving 'flavor' to things#that's not Clamp's story anymore#it's the translator's story at that point#me being mad about this shitty translation all over again was really not what I needed when I'm so tired after a wedding party#goodnight#please do me a favor and read this story in Spanish if you can read Spanish#Norma's translation is really WELL DONE#always grateful to Agnes Perez for actually doing her job with love#goodnight again
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Really really excited to compare Martha, Esther, and Agnes when theyre all grown up!!! I hope I can convince my mom to show them for me! Theyre all from really good lines, and they look great so far! Also i just need to send in a couple papers and tattoo Agnes and they’ll be registered soooo 🙂🧡
#id show them myself but i have ermmmmm really bad anxiety about that stuff#i’m working on walking them a ton because nubians are especially bad at things like that#also my mom has been showing goats forever and she’s really good 🧡#my mom has always had alpines so messed up for me to have nubians but 🧡#also all the goat people we know haaaate nubians but i get it they’re really annoying and stupid sometimes 🧡#theyre almost all alpine people#im an embarrassment with my floppy loud things 💔#goats
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and btw im in my hater arc rn. as time goes on the more i find a lot of 'fandom' stuff insufferable (i like art n stuff. just the way that fandom refits every media to fit a single mold and set of boring archetypes is exhausting.)
i just get really easily annoyed lately. and have been unfollowing people on a whim a lot. its not personal i promise
#fandom culture has made me actively dislike shit i was fixated on a year ago. looking at your ninja turtles#its not even like what they were doing were particularly offensive it was just exhaustingly boring#im sorry i just really dont care about ur 2 million fics about leo being a sadboy. or one million seperated aus.#theres definetly a part of the whole situation in general which has been me coming to terms with my own internalized misogny#actively re-examining my tendencys to gravity towards male characters#idk maybe its making me dislike art more. but idk. ive always analyzed why i react certain ways to certain things. this isnt new for me#anywaays. i had been following a bunch of ninja turtle blogs and they sorta kept messing around with shows like ninjago too#and at some point i was just like. i dont know if these shows are actually that good guys. i think youjust like shows for little boys#and fandoms tend to shaft female chars so it sure helps that their casts are 98% male .#maybe theyre not your blorbo maybe theyre just Guy McAverageMan. thats not inherently bad but you have to consider it.#guys rottmnt is isnt even that good . its not that good ok. its alright/pretty good. and the movie does a few neat things#i feel like ive become one of those people that turn 18 and then immediately go 'minors dni'. im not there yet but i just.#we're watching kids shows. its ok . you can say it.#you may have noticed ive been reblogging a lot of dungeon meshi stuff. i read it all over the past week.#but here's the thing. i thought it was mid/good for like 70% of it.#i think its got some really really cool worldbuilding ideas and stuff#but i think a lot of the writing was sorta. uninteresting to me.#my discord friends have been raving over izutsumi for months.#but i found her presence in the story to be weird and underdeveloped. she felt out of place and her introduction felt clumsy#i felt when the story was ramping up the manga got a lot better. because again theres some rlly cool ideas at play#all the shit with the lion? incredible. the way all the infighting led to more problems bc the elves refuse to explain anything? rlly good.#marcille landing in power? reallly good shit. (i still thought it was a lil undercooked still tho)#i cant stop thinking about laios in that climax scene. i think he shouldve been feral a lot more often#uhh. i got distracted. fandom bad and annoying.#saw a post talking about marcille realizing izutsumi is only 17 and then describing how 'omg shes a mom now' and i wanted to throw up#im done. i swear. im done talking for real. aagh#text
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early op/dc au fic plot points
in honor of finding my notes finally after five months have passed since writing them and after i just wrote out a huge block of what happens during part one of the fic relying entirely on memory and wit alone, here are some freebie things-that-will-definitely-happen (and just random Things to throw in between) to think over while i'm trying to get back into writing this fic
also tagging @kiteou who created jason/sabo and 100% inspired this verse (please look at their ship art it's all so impeccably goooood)
sabo wears make-up to cover his scar when he goes crime fighting and chooses to hunt criminals in a distant district of gotham to avoid being recognized since he doesn't wear a mask
though he doesn't weak a mask, he does adorn a large tophat with a wide brim and uses the shade to conceal his face from view; when he runs into jason and snarls about a hero not posibly wearing a fucking full-face helmet mask, jason argues back about protecting his identity and accuses sabo of being a hypocrite since his hat also hides his face
jason quotes old literature sabo has never heard of when he's trying to make the most of a situation (so rarely) and sabo scribbles illegible-chicken-scratch words in tattered notebooks when he needs to vent about Life in general (it's maybe his goal at some point to create an autobiography of life in gotham and how much It Sucks, Bad™)
sabo using a metal pipe as his choice weapon reminds jason of damian (he's in his bo staff days) in kind of a fond but wary way - this does not last; at some point the pipe scraping against concrete or brick sets jason off, triggering something in his subconsciousness bad enough to make him lose focus in a fight, and it gets to the point where he tells sabo they can't fight together anymore if he's gonna continue to use the pipe as a weapon
ace and sabo are 19 in the beginning because it takes place in fall, and jason is newly 20 - because of this, sabo is 5'9 and ace 6'0 but sabo wears platform and heeled (the heel is inside so it's not visible) boots when he plays vigilante so he's taller than jason by a couple inches; at some point when ace meets jason he implicates sabo's true height and sabo shouts at him (shut the fuck up, ace!) before ace can finish; even later on, sabo ends up at jason's apartment and when his shoes come off, he stands shorter than jason, much to jason's surprise; sabo admits gruffly that being over six foot makes a person more intimidating, which is his goal at night when facing off with criminals, but also insists that he's still growing (which he is, and eventually he doesn't need the boots to stand at 6'2 properly); even though ace is (barely) taller than sabo (just like he's barely older than sabo), he's still shorter than jason, which rubs him the wrong way (and sets off the comment about sabo's alleged height)
while ace is just trying to survive in gotham, owing nothing to the city that's chewed them both up in childhood and spit them back out again in adolescence, sabo chooses vigilantism in a bid to 'just do what's right, or at least try to'
^ going with this, ace and sabo both have awakened meta-genes that grant them fire powers; ace got his first and is proficient in using his powers - in contrast, sabo develops his after his accident that leaves a portion of his upper body scarred, and refuses to train or even try and control/subdue his powers at all due to his intense fear of fire; this causes daily strife because ace should be able to coach sabo through developing (or at the very least, getting under control) his powers so they don't cause accidents all the time, being the more experienced and honed of the two, but because he's never willing to overstep and always afraid of reigniting sabo's trauma, he never pushes sabo toward what should be the reasonable solution
aaaaaaaa smth smth jason being more experienced in relationships but none of them ever going well, versus sabo who's never been in love and doesn't know how to act, doesn't know how to be vulnerable in front of another person (who's not ace, but even then) or what's considered normal for their relationship status, and eventually having to tell all of this to jason to dispel some worries threatening to make him sick; jason tries his best to insist that sabo doesn't need to act a specific or certain way and that they were going to figure this out together and find what worked for them; in the beginning their "romantic" relationship is super dysfunctional and not much different from their status before when they were just friends, but it slowly becomes more functional when they start to clue in to what they and each other want out of this
i CANNOT find my notes which makes me sick (< actually i did!!! not long after i wrote this which makes me SO mad in hindsight) but in this verse jason runs around with roy harper and artemis crock, who are roughly the same age as him and sabo but have the dynamic they do in earth-16 when they're (sibling) in-laws, meaning, they get along like a tight pair and often will team up to lovingly tease jason whenever the opportunity present itself; when they're introduced to sabo, the initial reaction is them recounting ('oh so this is the boy you're always mentioning') various things jason has said about him and then low-key embarrassing the both of them with their teasing, so it takes a bit for sabo to warm up to them
after sabo is burned by a lighter and his make-up runs, jason believes his old face scars to be part of the fresh injury and rushes sabo to leslie's clinic to get seen; sabo is bandaged up and none of the staff ask questions about the vigilantism that would (tie him w illegal activity) but in the beginning when someone asks sabo a basic question in regards to the injury, sabo clams up; jason has to snap at him that (leslie) was a doctor and not the fucking cops, so would sabo please put an ounce of trust in someone for once and let them take care of him; sabo relents and lets himself be treated
when he arrives home with his eye covered, ace is shocked because sabo never lets anyone but ace bandage him up; ace asks what (the fuck) happened and sabo clams up, flinches back when ace tries to reach for the wrap, and snaps at him to leave it because an actual medical professional treated him for once; ace says smth like 'but you always let me patch you up' and sabo appeases him by saying he can redress the wound later when it needed changing, but right now, he wants it left alone; later ace gets to see the damage and immediately realizes sabo got burned which terrifies him, putting sabo's shying away from him earlier into a new light, and ace takes on a new perspective when he helps sabo tend to the injury in order to frighten sabo as little as possible
sabo lives with ace and rouge until zero year, when their apartment floods and rouge gets sick and eventually dies in the hospital without proper medical care; without rouge, neither of them go back to the house in coventry and instead spend most of the remainder of zero year in a church - despite spending a good portion of their upbringing from that point on around clergymen, sabo refuses to believe in a god that would let him and ace to suffer through life to the extent that they had, and when ace curses 'god damn' or 'oh god' sabo isn't even willing to humor it, always blunting insisting 'there is no god' that ace in turn always counters with 'it's an expression, sabo, it doesn't have to mean anything'
aaaaaaaand since i've been sitting on this intro for a good six months now here's a small actual written pv :)
(if tumblr blurs the ss just click on it and it'll clear up)
#op#dc#writing#little longer than intended but this is maybe 10% of the beginning so its fiiiiiine#idk how many yrs this fic is gonna span thru but tbh#i dont see either falling for e/o quickly or even in a normal amnt of time#its not slowburn but their relationship progression is slow af#somewhere in their twenties at least so sabo can cash in on the height diff bc its cute af to look at#anyway the last dc comic run i read in full was the dark knights of steel series....... DOES IT SHOW AAAAA#for anyone expecting this to be all one standardized timeline that makes sense: gonna disappoint you right now#do not set your expectations high bc dc verse has always been a mess n its not my job to sort thru it to write au fic#ig this is loosely post-2011 continuity (w/e earth number that is)#but also no its not bc there are elements from so many other things#im gonna regret shoving this one into the ao3 dc comics tag but in true xover ship fashion i will be doing so regardless#anyway x2 if any of this appeals to you PLSSSSS go look at kiteous art its so so sosososo good
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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I KNOW MARK WOULDN’T DO THIS TO ME. I know damn well Onlyoneof wouldn’t treat me like this. I JUST KNOW THAT SOME OF MY FAVS DESPITE BEING MALE WOULD NOT DO THIS TO ME BECAUSE THEY ARE EITHER GIVING FRUIT OR RESPECT WOMAN LIKE BE FUCKING FR AND I NEVER WANT TO STEP FOOT IN FORMULATION AGAIN.
#new anime plot: miagwyn bitches#not to be sexist but when I say I hate men#when I say they make me uncomfortable#when one man shows and acts a certain way it completely taints my perspective of men all together#like and it’s not fair#cause I want to believe there are actual good and respectful men out there#who aren’t creepy and nasty and give me quite literally ‘the ick’#but all it takes is one person to mess everything up#no matter what the situation is#ugh#I recently have been wishing a lot more that I never left my old job#even tho I hated it and was miserable this new job#the formulation made me uncomfortable from the first day I worked there#never wanted to go back and I keep getting sent over there#no one else has to but my sis and me are always sent there#ugh idk I need to quit lol
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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[A] is a character who is in an emotionally-delicate state and needs constant contact with someone to feel stable. [B] is the only person [A] feels understands them, so they form a close relationship with [B]. Little does [A] know, [B] is also in an emotionally-delicate state, but they need to be away from people 24/7; so [B] never calls [A], because [A] never gives them enough time to recharge before they call again.
As a result, [A] believes [B] to be just like the rest of people; they think [B] finds them annoying and doesn’t care about them. But nothing could be further from the truth; [B] may not ever go out of their way to contact [A] willingly, but [A] is the only person [B] ever talks to. [B] doesn’t find [A] annoying in particular; [B] finds anyone who tries to talk to them annoying, but finds [A] less annoying than most, because [A] is like them, letting [B] vent on them for hours because they recognize no one else will give them that quality time. [B] becomes jaded with so-called “extroverts” because they shun [A] for their quirks, and let all the duties of being a halfway-decent emotional support fall to them.
#writing prompts#whump#angst#I’m [B]#When you create a hostile environment for someone because they’re “annoying”#Be aware that the person you shun is suffering because of you#and somewhere out there an easily-drained (equally-weird) introvert is cleaning up your mess#because you couldn’t find it within yourself to show even a shred of basic human decency#I’m not a nice person; everyone thinks I’m nice because I don’t ostracize weirdos… WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT#Weirdos are human beings with all the same needs as you oh normal person#You don’t recognize that I’m a weirdo too because I’m quiet and don’t fuck with social interaction if I don’t have to#So you label me as shy and try to include me because you feel sorry for me when I want to be permanently left alone#But when a weirdo wants social interaction; you don’t give it to them because they’re “too much?” You’re weak.#And they say neurotypicals read social cues? aha hahaha#Fuck off#This is how it is with me; this is how it always has been and will continue to be#I cannot be everyone’s support system.#I’m not nice. I avoid walking on the same side of the street as people because I hate talking to strangers#I never say hello unless someone says hello to me first (unless I need something from someone)#I don’t like it when people talk to me when I’m doing anything that doesn’t require speaking#I actively avoid the sound of human conversation because it’s overwhelming (especially if the people in question are loud and emphatic)#I don’t go outside if the neighbors are out there because I don’t want to talk to them (even if they’re genuinely nice)#When I am in a conversation I don’t listen to what the other person is saying and I’m just waiting to say what I want to say#(which never happens because everyone talks right over me unless their speaking skills are lesser than my own)#(but if the other person is more awkward or introverted than me; I feel more inclined to listen because I know they’ll listen to me)#But yeah. I’m decent; not nice. There’s a difference.#People think that because I draw pictures for them that I really care for them.#No… It’s easier for me to draw than it is to write a thank you card (I always use the same sentence structure for thank you cards#so my words are never genuine)… I’d rather just repay them with a good or service; so they get a drawing.#idk thank you cards (in some situations) just seem fake and tacky to me
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Bunny girl tls123… ?
#han Sooyoung#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#read those tags at your own discretion#need an au where tls123 meets with kdj and tells him she wrote his fave book#kdj is so confused#he doesn’t believe her so she invites him to dinner#they talk a bit about twsa and then she starts flirting with him#kdj who has never touched a women in his life gets so flustered#turns out tls123 is actually a very attractive women and she clearly wants sth from him#now hsy mainly wants to mess with him but she’s also a grown women who hasn’t had seggs in 13 years#plus she’d always thought he was good looking in his own way even back in the 1863th turn#and he looked so gullable now…#now there’s more to this but main point is they hook up#and hsy shows kdj how to have fun bc he clearly has never done any of this before#(she also punishes him for being a prick in the 1863th turn)#he’s super shy bc he’s never been with a girl and on top of that this was tls123#also this is pre scenarios if it wasn’t obvious#and hsy medical condition isn’t that severe so she gets to actually have control of the body lol#my art
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im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit
#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life#its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help#and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning#thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety#and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen#until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again#these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working#im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED#after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.
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