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redbullgirly · 3 months

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Million Dollar Man [LS18 smau]

Lance Stroll x reader [social media au]

Masterlist

Summary: Lance's girlfriend isn't afraid to show how much her boyfriend loves and spoils her. Unfortunately, "fans" seem to think she's a gold digger. But who would Lance and Y/N bee if they just let it slide?

Warnings: A lot of hate towards the reader by online trolls and just toxic fans, at the end she and Lance shuts them up but if you're not in the right head-space to read this, then please don't.

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by lance_stroll, fernandoalo_oficial, astonmartin and 192,344 others

tagged: astonmartin and lance_stroll

yourusername life lately... how about you? 🍰💐

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user1 more like: life lately 💸💸💸

user2 LOL

lance_stroll life lately has been great ❤️

liked by the author

user3 Lance don't worry we're going to save you!!

user4 our guy is lyinggggg i can feel it

user5 Oh my god let them live a happy life you trolls🤦‍♀️

user6 how can you know it's happy when she clearly uses him for money?🤨

user5 And how can you know it's not? Besides I don't think she uses him for anything🤷‍♀️

user4 then your just as naive as him user5 lol

user7 she's so classy a love it!😻

user8 Can she even drive or she just wanted to take a photo in his car?

fernandoalo_oficial You are slaying Queen!😉

fernandoalo_oficial Did I do it correctly yourusername?

yourusername it's great nando, just please never use that emoji again and you'll be ready do graduate from my gen-z university!

fernandoalo_oficial Damn it I knew all you use these days is this one: 💀

yourusername 💀

user9 OKAY I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYONE SAYS ABOUT HER AND LANCE CAUSE I LOVE Y/N AND NANDO INTERACTIONS MORE THAN MY OWN LIFE!!

user10 i'm convinced she holds both aston drivers hostage in her basement and is forcing them to comment on her posts

user11 It's probably not even her own basement but Lance's😭

user12 nah she ain't even that pretty

user13 omg no way this post is the way I found out lance mf stroll has a girlfriend?🤠

user14 GIRL you have so much lore to catch up on

user15 Yeah welcome to the worst wag ever fandom xd

user13 wait I'm so confused... why do we hate her???

user14 bc she's basically a gold digger, like from the moment her and lance started dating she's been posting only about shopping and showing off herself and her bf's money

user12 plus she ugly af

user15 Yeah and there are rumors on twitter about her being really mean to everyone and that the whole paddock hates her and stuff...

user13 okay I get that but tbh we can't believe everything that's on f1 twitter

user14 idc she's a bitch even without the rumors

user15 I can tell Y/N is trying so hard to have the rich girly aesthetic... it's actually embarrassing😂

astonmartin Wow you have a great car right there😍

user16 more like her sugar daddy lance has it lol XD

user17 guys be fr if you had a rich boy you'd be spending his money too!!!

twitter

yourusername and lance_stroll posted on instagram stories

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by estabanocon, lance_stroll, astonmartinf1 and 206,948 others

tagged: astonmartinf1 and lance_stroll

yourusername thank you spa for having me! what a race, congrats to my favourite driver lance_stroll on p9 & his teammate fernandoalo_oficial on p5! great team work, hope to see you on another grand prix in the future astonmartinf1 💚🏆

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astonmartinf1 we hope to see you on another grand prix as well Y/N!🤩

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user1 you don't have to lie admin, it's waste of money on her... better give the paddock pass to someone else

astonmartinf1 well, we definitely won't give it to you user1, so no need to worry about it 😙

user2 daaaamn, the admin is coming for y'all haters

user3 Of course she had to wear the racing suit... c'mon that's so embarrassing🙄

user4 actually it's pretty normal, I'm pretty sure Max's gf also wore his racing suit at some point

user3 Yeah but I at least like and respect Kelly... Y/N is a horrible gold digger

user4 well then I'm pretty sure it's your problem, not hers🤷‍♀️

user5 girl stop pretending you care about racing we all know you do it just for pr and cash xdd

user6 Honestly I'm not a Lance Stroll fan, but he deserves someone better than her...

lance_stroll Thank you to my favourite wag! 🥳❤️

yourusername love you baby!!!💞

user7 favourite wag😂 good joke😂😂

user8 am I the only one who finds their interaction cute??

user9 yeah you are user8... like just look at it, it's so forced... wouldn't be surprising if their whole relationship was fake

user10 You can hate on her all you want, but she's actually gorgeous in the third pic😻

user11 YUUUCCKK🤮🤮🤮

user12 you see I would be fine with this post if she didn't have to show off the aston martin car again!!!

user13 Hey did you notice she tagged Nando in the caption and he didn't reply to her? I call it ✨karma✨ lol

user14 maybe he escaped from her basement😭

user15 💚💚

user16 sorry but I can't help it. There's just something fishy about Y/N and I can't bring myself to like her at all

user17 Guys who is this girl and why does she get more hate in her comments than hailey bieber??💀

user18 I hate how she makes the whole Grand Prix about herself

user19 no but fr... like honey, idc about you and your favourite driveeer

user20 Tf?? She literally called LANCE her favourite driver how is that about her... you haters are so dumb🤦‍♀️

user21 I bet she read the comments on twitter about how she's bad gf for not going to any races and decided to fix her image by this XD

user19 lmfao didn't probably work the way she hoped

messages between Y/N and Lance

lance_stroll posted on instagram

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel, f1 and 330,219 others

tagged: yourusername

lance_stroll As some of you now, I am not very active on social media. Today I'm making an exception for Y/N, my lovely girlfriend I've been dating for almost a year now. She is one of the greatest, most kind, caring and selfless people I know. I don't know where the idea of our relationship being unhappy, one-sided or even insincere came from, but I would like to make it very clear once and for all that these assumptions are as far from the truth as they can be.

In my life, I experienced a lot of hateful comments and reactions myself. It is not something I wish anyone should have to go through and it's disgusting. I love Y/N with all my heart and I hope that one day, she'll make me the happiest man alive and allows me to marry her, build a family together. No one will ever again speak about her in an inappropriate way, or they'll be blocked and possibly face legal actions taken agains them. I am very serious about this.

Y/N, I'm not afraid to call you the love of my life. I never want to see you cry because of some meaningless hater. Love you to the moon and back, sweetheart ❤️

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user1 It's just so heartbreaking how Lance himself had to go through so many waves of hate because of his dad and now he had to watch Y/N go through it too...😓

yourusername love you to the moon and back too lance!!!💖

lance_stroll Wouldn't have it any other way honey!😌

user2 you know it's serious when sebastianvettel shows up

astonmartinf1 once the it couple, always the it couple!💚 proud to say we were never a hater😘

user3 i still think it's fake

fernandoalo_oficial and I think you are fake🤪

user4 LMAO nando come and get the haters lets goooo

user5 That's how you shut them up xd

fernandoalo_oficial how do you children say it? I AM LANCEY/N DEFENDER

user4 yeah yeah nando exactly that or you can say your a lancey/n truther

liked by fernandoalo_oficial

user5 omg I can't believe I just had online conversation with THE Fernando Alonso😭

user4 GIRL ME TOO AND HE EVEN LIKED MY COMMENT😭😭

f1 What a beautiful couple you are!🙌 Hope to see you in the paddock after summer break!😏

user6 "they'll be blocked and possibly face legal actions taken agains them" daaammmnn man is standing on business here

user7 Tbh I never understood why y'all hated on her sm she's literally so beautiful and seems kind as well🤷‍♀️

lilymhe pretty giiiirl

lance_stroll I couldn't agree more!❤️

yourusername oh stop you two I'm blushing

user8 Can we take a moment to appreciate how beautifully the caption is written?🥹 Lance really has some poetic talent!

liked by yourusername

user9 aaah she's still a gold digger and he's too blind to see it😂

user10 Yeah she probably charmed him in bed or sm

user11 Ohh user9 and user10... I wonder how it feels to know Lance and probably some other drivers hate you🫢

chloestroll My brother and my future sister-in-law!🥰

liked by the author and yourusername

yourusername 🥰🥰

user12 im actually so happy to see y/n replying to some of the comments and just being active without so much hate on her now!!!

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by lance_stroll, kellypiquet, fernandoalo_oficial and 299,102 others

tagged: lance_stroll and dior

yourusername they say if he wanted to he would... I say he wants to so he does 🌹❤️

comments have been limited

lilymhe she ate you jealous people up with that caption

liked by lance_stroll and fernandoalo_oficial

lilymhe also alex_albon me when??

dior Wow!❤️‍🔥

lance_stroll That's what real men do instead of trolling others on the internet.

yourusername daaammn baby

lance_stroll What? I'm just stating facts 😌

kellypiquet shopping trip to Paris when?😍

yourusername anytime you want!!!💕

astonmartinf1 So lucky to (basically) have you on our team💚

fernandoalo_oficial I call that a slay admin

astonmartinf1 ...should I tell him slay is kinda out dated??

yourusername aaah let him have his moment

fernandoalo_oficial WHAT?! YOU TRAITORS I THOUGH I WAS GEN-Z APPROVED

yourusername 🫢

THE END

Author's note: I hope you liked my first ever social media au story! I'll be glad for every feedback, comment, like, reblog and everything! You can definitely send me asks and requests for another smau's and even 'normal' fanfictions. Have a great day!

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mediumgayitalian · 15 days

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fic rec friday 10

hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!

something borrowed by @rosyredlipstick

In the Solace Wedding Planning agenda, on the fifth page into their summer schedule, there are carefully scrawled out notes reading this: Bride and Groom - Hazel Levesque & Frank Zhang Best Man & Maid of Honor - Percy Jackson & Piper McLean Wedding Court - Annabeth Chase & Jason Grace Mellie & Gleeson Hedge Reyna Ramírez-Arellano & Leo Valdez Ring-bearer - Chuck Hedge Flower-boy - Nico di Angelo - Will plans wedding and now, apparently, Nico stars in one. Except...sometimes there's a bit more confusion on that last part. AKA the AU where Will plans weddings and thinks Hazel and Frank are going to have to cutest, gap-toothed ten year throwing flowers down the aisle, all while wondering why this 'Neeks' guy is always hanging around, and what business he has looking that good.

yes i am back on my rosyredlipstick (dude she's GOOD okay). however this one is my favourite i think. this is the kinda story you could use to explain to people what dramatic irony is bc LORD i wanted to SHAKE THEM 😭😭 will falling like deeply in love with nico and being intensely stressed about everything the whole time is so real and on brand. i love him and i love the fond exasperation that just bleeds from this fic its GREAT

2. Rental Love by @rosyredlipstick

*Read Terms & Conditions - Male/22/Long Island N.Y.C. Tired of showing up stag at holiday events? Want your family to stop thinking there’s something wrong with you? Just want some arm candy for a work event? Look no further. Your solution is here! I will attend holiday events with you as your paid date. Accepting all genders as applicants. Email [email protected] if interested. Interview & application will be set up there. - Nico di Angelo has been telling Hazel Levesque about his boyfriend for weeks. The bad part? Nico doesn’t have a boyfriend, the holidays are coming up, and not all of Jason’s ideas are horrible. They’re all a bit surprised about the last one.

THE LEVEL OF STUPID THAT THEY ARE...😭😭 kills me fr. like this whole fic is just a manifestation of truly one of the best tropes of all time…..like what if we took a hallmark movie and made it gay as all hell. iconique indeed

3. A Match in the Making by @coconutcranberries-blog

“You’re a morning person,” Nico muttered, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palms. He ran a hand through his black hair, which stuck up in disarray, the same way it did every morning. He was a mess, and Will Solace looked annoyingly put together, and Nico didn’t even care, really, he didn’t.

friendship is the core of romance!! it is!! every time!!! and it's such a core in this fic....which is fucking??? ten years old??? im just realising?? jesus christ??? anyways. "Nico had the sudden, warm feeling that Will Solace had never bought his act." i YELLED

4. Perception by scorchedtrees

In which everyone thinks Nico and Will are together.

i love this trope i love it SO BAD. both ways. when your love is so obvious that no one misses it.....love to see it truly. and will can have one second of beingn smooth and not a dweeby loser. as a treat

5. the world is brighter than the sun now that you're here by @finalizer

It was hard, Nico eventually concluded, to maintain one’s air of spooky otherworldly detachment with a blinding ray of sunshine trailing one step behind him every minute of every day.

grouchy nico my beloved truly. honestly hes such a bitch i love him like "Seriously, give the guy a perm and a few cats and he’d be that weird aunt that everybody avoided around the holiday season." why does he ALWAYS have something vile to say 😭😭 hes a mood fr

thank you for joining me this saturday friday!! happy reading!!

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kadextra · 4 months

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q!Forever & q!Bad, comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin

(little meta rp analysis & appreciation)

Comedy and tragedy- complimentary concepts when it comes to the dynamic that is these two characters.

Their lore together is truly like a soap opera to me in the way it operates, entertaining in how goofy it is- I laughed so much during interrodate. They had a whole elaborate musical prank war over a stolen gun (which neither of them even had, they’re just too dedicated to the bit.) The first thing they say to each other after q!Forever returns from the nether is “You look terrible!” 💀 and my guy gifted a bloody chainsaw as the flower of the day to q!Bad in purgatory 1 which was happily accepted.

Even when the characters show attraction for each other, it’s usually through some ridiculous romcom thing. q!Forever is in love with q!Bad dressed as pink barbie and thinks photos of her are the best gift a person could ever receive?? 🤨 q!Bad daydreams about q!Forever as a lobster with blonde hair and a six-pack??? brother be projecting him onto larry the lobster from spongebob squarepants dude what is wrong with them 😭 sometimes I wonder how they’re able to do all these bits in improv and take it seriously, it’s impressive

The characters are not normal, their relationship is not normal, it cannot be viewed normally. the ccs know exactly what they’re doing in creating whatever *gestures* this is, and it’s amazing. over the top, cute, played perfectly for comedy

But the characters aren’t just that, you can’t have them without the inverse 🎭 like a punch to the gut after all the sillies, they really know how to do tragedy well.

I very much look forward to whenever they’re at the top of their angst game, bc they both LOVE to make their cubitos suffer. to an insane degree. My god these two can’t go 3 days with their characters experiencing some peace and joyful whimsy, they *must* rp their ocs actively dying, horribly diseased, going crazy

And they go hard with it. I’m very serious when I say multiple times during the lore I’ve had to get up and walk away to calm down because it was too intense. super special shoutout to the q!Forever first happy pills arc stream & October 1st q!Bad psychotic breakdown stream. I’ve never been so shocked as I was watching those live, the stamina to do highly emotional rp like that is actually nuts. some of the most angsty mfs on this server fr (the #1 spot goes to quackity though. hey maybe i’ll make a tierlist)

So when Bad & Forever bring the best of their angst ability into serious rp interactions together that Aren’t comedic…? we are in for a treat. that talk they had right when q!cellbit died to the code, the richas rescue mission, the election, voting arguments, post-ron kidnapping, colorblind test/therapy, flower of the day. many scenes that are seared into my mind, but none is more so than The Happy Pills Proposal. goosebumps whenever I think about it… the scene ever. the way it was framed, the lines they said, how it had tense, chilling buildup before a literal explosion. how are these people capable of doing the most silly things and then turning around to stab us in the heart 50 times

So you bet I’m crossing my fingers for a meeting between @v@ & q!Bad. Forever is absolutely killing the role so far. If q!Bad gets involved I can already taste the glorious angst…. since he has specific traumatic experience in also being possessed, & having killed his possessed friends in another life. he recalled the memory when talking about how to save q!Forever last night. fun! *shaking*

anyways that’s all :D love these characters, I had been wanting to do a little meta appreciation post for a while so I thought why not now ^^

#qsmp #qsmp forever #qsmp badboyhalo

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fatuismooches · 8 months

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Hello! :)

I found you're works a while back and finally worked up the courage to ask you something.

I love all the scenarios that you create but the Fragile Reader X Dottore works are some of my favourites, and one of them that stuck out to me was the one with that Tsaritsa that acts like a mother to the reader. I like to think that once a month or every so often she shows up to a harbinger meeting to check on their progress with the gnosis/gnoses.

How do you think the other harbingers would react if after a meeting she asked Dottore how Reader is, if they are getting better/worse etc. And if Reader is better how they would react if she asked if they could show up to the next meeting or when would be a good time to see Reader.

Don't feel obliged to reply at once if you have other requests, this just popped into my head and I figured it would be good to ask.

-❄️

Ps. If someone has already used ❄️ I'm sorry. Have a good day :)

Hi ❄️ anon! I'm really glad you like my fics, thank you for the ask ❤️ And YES... i love mother Tsaritsa to fragile reader SO MUCH. Every time she sees Dottore she never fails to ask about you, even if she saw you recently, you're her child fr 🥺 I too think she does that, also to see how her Harbingers are faring and all. She cares about the mission but also them.

Not the Tsaritsa exposing Dottore in front of them 😭😭 She probably does it at the very end of the meeting, when everyone is walking out the doors when all of a sudden she questions him about you. And Dottore just freezes because he did not expect that, and now quite a few of the other Harbingers have stopped in their tracks as to the mention of someone called "[Name]." Particularly Pantalone and Columbina... two people who like to make his life miserable.

Dottore is very careful about others knowing about your existence, he knows that a clone is always with you so you can never get hurt but he is still very guarded when it comes to you. He simply can't risk anything happening to you, with your fragile state. Nor does he want to deal with anyone else pestering you or him. Only Pierro and the Tsaritsa know that you exist for real. Though, he knows you can't stay cooped up in your room all the time, so regular soldiers still see you, but they are sworn to absolute secrecy unless they want to... die a painful death.

But now... it seems that the cover has been blown, but he still tries to save it. He doesn't mean any disrespect to the Archon, though he answers her questions very quickly and dryly. You're doing fine, he says, and that you're always waiting for her. And it's then the Tsaritsa realizes that the other Harbingers are unaware of you... from how Columbina and Pantalone are looming behind him with the most horrible smirks ever and how Dottore is like 😐 The other Harbingers know not to push into the Doctor's affairs of all people, yet they can't help but be a little curious, you must be fairly important if even the Tsaritsa is worried about your wellbeing... They won't directly ask or get near him but they won't complain if they overhear some... things. (Arlecchino and Signora are Columbina's gossip victims and Childe catches wind of it too from Pulcinella 💀)

The Cyro Archon quickly finishes the conversation but the damage has been done lmao, you know the Regrator and Damselette are suddenly finding excuses to visit Dottore's lab to try and find you. Dottore and his clones swat them away everytime, though eventually, everyone finds out about your existence 😭 Dottore is exasperated, but you're just happy to have new friends! Mainly Bina and Pantalone, being best friends with them as fragile reader has been rotting my brain lately 🥰 I like to think they come visit you every now and then too and the clones are hella hostile to them but let them through solely because you're happy talking to them.

#smooches talks #❄️ anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #i am a sucker for adding platonic side relationships in my romantic fics #fragile reader being friends with tsaritsa and some of the other harbingers fulfills my desires

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azsazz · 9 months

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I wish we knew more about the other Vanserra brothers, SJM didn’t say much besides they are horrible people basically…do you have any HCs for them?

ugh, me too. i refuse to believe the vanserra family is that fucked up to where they never got along and they all dislike each other. i know beron has been pitting them against each other for literally centuries smh.

So, in my fictional universe, the order of the brothers is as follows: Eris, Pyrolas (Pyro), Conleth (aka Connie 🥹), Oakland (Oak), Finch & Foxe (twins, both deceased), and Lucien.

We know Eris. We love Eris.

Pyro, man what a hot head. We've discovered a little bit about him through You Know I Always Liked Playing with Fire. He's messy. Second born, second best. Never enough to live up to his older brother. Beron has pitted them against each other for the longest time. Deep down, Pyro really just wants someone to be proud of him. But he's a little twisted because he's never had love and all he's seen is the piss poor excuse of a father treating his mom like shit. Except for when he found out about Lucien and his partner. There was a flicker of guilt as he watched the twins pin Lu down while his lover perished before them all. He's so incredibly hurt that he takes it out on others, on his brothers, parents, people of the court, his partners. He wants someone to hurt as much as he hurts. He's a master at the art of façade. No one knows that he wants love because he's so good at pretending he doesn't need it and pushing people away.

Connie, my baby. Ngl I had him as deceased for a bit until that anon reminded me that he was alive. so here he is, im introducing him. Conleth is third born, middle of the pack. he's pretty docile compared to pyro, but he really does enjoy the simple of things in life. he's second mommy's boy, coming after the biggest mommy's boy of all, eris. he's lethal with a bow but those skilled hands are good at many things, like in the bedroom or in the kitchen. he can make a mean pie. i'm feeling as i write this that he's just like us and has a MAD crush on cass and az, have you seen those wings? those powerful bodies? cuz connie dreams of it (he's just like me fr). he keeping it much on the down low because of daddy Ber.

Oakland, love him. Oak is the rational one. He appears in The Autumn Chill, and he's the one that none of the brothers can ever stay mad at. He's the mediator, the strategist. He sees everything and anything and is ever-calculating. Everyone adores him, he's so sweet, but can also put on a show when he needs to, just as all of them can. In Creepy Campfire, we see his playful side, joining in on his brothers jokes because he likes it when his brothers are happy. He wants a better world for his court even though he knows that berons power probably won't fall to him after he dies, he'll stick by the brother that does and off him his intelligence.

Then there's Finch and Foxe. I can see them being like night and day or super fucking similar. cliche to say night and day, i know, but what if they were fire and wind? Foxe gives more bad boy than Finch (who will do whatever his twin asks of him) and they're trouble makers through and through. Foxe is fire while Finch is wind (appropriately named). Where Foxe sets a blazing fire Finch is there to add fuel to the flames. They back each other and aren't worried for title of heir to the throne because they know it won't happen for some time, they'll discuss it when the time nears, if it should happen. both playboys, and i bet they've even shared women between the both of them too. they give that vibe, as strange as it sounds. But, they are no longer, killed off by Lucien and Tam in the books and also in Safe Haven. They held down Lu while Beron killed his lover and they found sick delight in watching, in having a hand in it. They're both twisted as hell tbh.

And of course, Lucien. We know him and we love him too.

so yeah, i guess this is how i'd view them in my personal world 🤷🏼‍♀️😅

#azsazz vanserra brothers #ask azsazz

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 9 months

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Trimax Thoughts Vol. 7 Pt. 1

I am slowly but surely catching up! More stream of consciousness thoughts below! This one is a doozy... I almost couldn't verbalize my thoughts clearly; I just had so many.

[All images are from Trigun Maximum Vol. 7.]

[ID: A set of five panels in a row, each a close up of a different face of a crew member. They all look pensive. The panel below is of a nondescript part of the ship's ceiling. The dialogue reads "A great scientific discovery... huh..." End ID.]

...seems like this is not the first time you people have come across a "great scientific discovery"...

Yikes. Rem's trying so hard to keep the twins a secret but her eyes in that scene... she does not trust these people. And I'm pretty sure I know why.

Hjhfdjhf Knives is a little troublemaker. He's so cute.

Interesting that it's Vash who sees Conrad first.

Knives is so happy to be accepted he just started crying... augh...

I do find the way Conrad talks to them is kind of interesting though. Idk, saying "Let's move forward together" isn't really something I'd say to a couple of young kids... it's just that I still think Conrad sees them as a new sentient form of life before just being children, you know? But at least he's being nice to them.

"We can work through a few little differences. If we just talk to each other, we can come to understand one another. Because there's no difference between human hearts and ours." <- Oof. He was so optimistic. I'm paying special attention to the words "we can work through "little" differences" and ""no" difference between them".

...the apparition of the girl there, who I'm going to assume is Tesla, is eerily similar to the strange apparition Vash saw of Conrad being killed in the previous volume. Is it an intentional thing that Knives did? If that's the case, it implies Tesla is intentionally trying to show them something... which uh...

...the flower is fresh. That means Rem is changing it and checking on it. It's kind of a miracle these two didn't follow her into this wing beforehand if she keeps disappearing to do this.

Vash is the first to catch on that something is weird about all this. Or, well, I don't think that's quite true. Knives also seems to know something is up but his face makes me think he doesn't want to admit it.

[ID: Vash squishes in next to Knives, trying to see the screen, saying "Who?! Why?! What does it mean?!" Knives has a cartoonishly annoyed expression as his hands ready to press on the keyboard, and says "I don't know! Quit pushing, Vash!" End ID.]

Ah... siblings... :')

Oh what the fuck. This is so much worse.

Literally what the fuck. And what makes it so horrible is you can tell these people were so excited by their new discovery that they weren't even listening. We don't actually see any of Tesla's perspective but there is a small panel where she's crying. The "question of ethics" is given a single sentence, like it wasn't even contemplated. These weren't "villains", they were ordinary people. And that is even more terrifying - because all of us would love to believe that the line between good and bad is a firmly drawn thing.

Ah... so this was the inspiration for Vash not eating in Stampede... :/

Rem's perseverance is going to make me cry

Ah... never bring a knife or sharp object around someone who is suicidal...

HOLY FUCK REM. Oh my god. Certified mom moment fr.

Hey. Do you ever think how this is probably the first time Vash has seen real blood (excepting the possibility of maybe some scrapes or bruises but I'm talking actual bleeding). Anyways I just. It clearly triggered thoughts of Tesla and that fear, that trapped feeling, that "lash out before she hurts me" took over, and that upwelling of momentary relief because he's safe only for him to look down and it's Rem's blood, not his, and it's his hands, not hers, holding the weapon and I just ahgjuhbfgsjbhgjbadahhhhhh

I don't even know what to say. I have no insightful commentary I just... Vash clearly got her to the medical area. Eating his food where she can see. Clearly still wary, deeply shaken, gauging for a reaction from her. And she just smiles at him. Augh.

Sorry, is this a Night on the Galactic Railroad reference??? AS IF THIS WASN'T PAINFUL ENOUGH.

*sounds of crying*

*SOUNDS OF CRYING INTENSIFY*

[ID: First image is of young Vash, with closed eyes, a faint grin and a sweat drop, saying "I don't fully understand though. I've never even seen a train." Second image is of a very cartoony Rem and Vash, Rem at first glaring then grimacing as she says "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" and Vash shocked with sweat drops. End ID.]

The sillies... ok but this is so sweet and tells us a lot about Vash and Rem's dynamic, for all that we only see particular scenes of it - and in spite of everything, it's a good one. Everything that's happened over the past while has been incredibly emotionally charged, and there's definitely no going back to how it was - but Rem is telling him her honest feelings, holding nothing back at this point, and Vash not only clearly listened (you can see the light come back into his eyes... augh), but he is the one who takes the step to break the tension and be a little silly (which I'm going to take a wild guess and say that's something he did before), and Rem sees it for what it is - it's not alright, and it hasn't been resolved (god, could something like this ever?) but she will never give up on him (on either of them) and he doesn't want their relationship to be tense and fraught with conflict. Anyways, that takes a deep level of love and understanding on both sides. I adore them. I adore complicated yet loving parent-child relationships.

...Knives doesn't remember??? WHAT

Sorry, Conrad opposed the experiments??? And the fact that apparently they caused an "uproar" and it was still only given one brief mention in the official report. Ugh.

Knives' breakdown and eventual decision to cause the Big Fall is so so well done. Augh this poor kid...

"I made a completely rational decision" <- me when I lie

"You need to look at the larger picture" <- I think I can finally get around to writing about Knives' trauma now. Oh yeah. It's all comin' together.

Oh this is so weird that the flashback appears to be different... because first we see Knives saying the Plant ships will survive, but now apparently several were "sacrificed". Knives kicks Vash when he accuses him of not "being" human but now it's because he accuses him of "being afraid" of humans. I'm. Confused. Is this the difference between what the brothers remember...? Is it just an extended scene?

"This is not fear. This is anger." <- ME WHEN I LIE

BRO HE ABSORBED HER? WHAT. (Also these panels are so fucking cool. I would include them here but it would literally just be three continuous pages.)

[ID: Wolfwood has flicked a rubber band at Vash. It hits him in the face. His head moves to one side from the impact but his expression doesn't change. End ID.]

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled doom, trauma and destruction for Wolfwood certified annoying older brother comedy relief moment.

There's something about Wolfwood being the one to break up a potential shootout by playing up Vash's reputation (as Vash himself did in the first volume of Trimax) before a single person can get hurt... but it comes at the expense of continuing to damage Vash emotionally... as I suppose his brand of pacifism always kind of does huh?

[ID: Vash smiles broadly with closed eyes. It is clearly forced. Wolfwood watches from the entrance, leaning against the Punisher. End ID.]

Ow. Just ow.

I have so many emotions from this scene. I don't even know what to say I feel like I've been pulled in about ten different directions by my heart strings. I will say the lines about taking solace in forgetting your past and that people will one day forget you is in stark contrast to Vash's insistence on remembering...

"Wolfwood, you are really my guide, right?" <- I am experiencing shrimp emotions

Knives knocking out the communications network... that's a good move. Also kind of symbolic lol

"before the end" ugh it really does sound like Vash expects to not make it out of this... but well. there's like... 7 more volumes. so.

Wolfwood: *experiences a viscerally horrifying vision involving him getting impaled and then literally ripped apart* Also Wolfwood: "I'm not gonna say anything I don't want to burden him" (for the love of... talk to each other you two!!! you're stronger together!!!!! we've established this!)

He noticed anyways... and then Wolfwood tried to follow him aghhh

...so Wolfwood didn't kill that man... and somehow that guy's the one who transmitted that weird vision??? ("How did it feel to die" <- either terrible old man transmitted it himself or he knows how it was done.)

Elendira is fascinating. I don't know what she wants really. I don't think she wants to die, but... idk. It seems like she wants to choose how she goes out? That dying along with the whole world in an instant is preferable to... idk what the alternative is. Anyways. She's cool.

[ID: Knives is leaning against a pillar, sleeping. He is partially draped in what looks like cloth, but it likely an extension of his powers. The limbs, face, and single wing of a dependent Plant can be seen blended in with the folds. End ID.]

Knives finally gets some sleep! ...Do you think absorbing his sister, and her proximity, eased his loneliness enough that he felt safe enough to rest? Rip to her though, she doesn't look too pleased about this.

"finest human specimens" Holy fuck Knives. Do you even understand how you sound. By your own admittance, you sent them in knowing they would fail and die.

The whole "no human could've killed you anyways we're so much stronger and can't coexist" to "when they crush an ant, they don't even notice" -> so which are you? The foot or the ant? He's tried to frame them as both on multiple occasions... or maybe the dependent Plants as "ants" and him and Vash as a foot above the trampling feet... or something. Idk.

Pov: your brother has mutated his own body by clearly absorbing one of your sisters, tells you you're dying with no lead up whatsoever, and then just straight up attacks you. (sorry, sorry. Knives is a little funny to me in a... dark comedy kind of way)

OUGH... it's the lines from Stampede... except it's Vash trying so hard to appeal to Knives... "there's another way"... D':

[ID: Cartoony drawings of Elendira and Wolfwood. Wolfwood asks "What exactly were ya plannin' to do anyway?" and Elendira, sweat dropping, says "Well..." End ID.]

Love that Elendira latches onto the first decently sane person she finds and immediately starts chatting away to him. Didn't know I needed this dynamic. hhdjfbhsdjf

WHAT. KNIVES THAT IS NOT THE SOLUTION. "I can't make you see things my way so I'll just absorb you" WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

...Legato just saved Knives... and him knowing Knives was in danger was the whole reason he was so frantic... in a twisted way, that's... almost sweet...?

I wonder why Vash's gate is so overly powerful compared to Knives'... I have a theory but I'll need to think on it a bit.

I can't believe Knives just left Vash at Legato's mercy... bro wasn't Legato's whole "I want to murder your brother" thing the whole reason you literally crumpled him like a soda can???

...Well. This seems to be going great. I'm going to be doing a quick write-up on Plant anatomy and powers, as well as finally digging into Knives' trauma so if anyone is interested, stay tuned for that! Might take me a little bit though... things have been pretty hectic unfortunately and I'm uh... not in the greatest of moods. But I'm really excited to write them and to catch up! :D

#trigun #trimax #trigunbookclub #storyrambles

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midnightfangz · 11 months

Text

Flee the fire that devours

‧₊˚✩彡 a gift fic for my dearest friend @probablylilly. Happy birthday bro!! You mean the world to me fr <3

(link to the ao3 version just in case)

The world, as they knew it, would be ending soon. Not too long after that, the Cycle would begin anew. The Cleansing, nearly at its peak, towered over the imaginary horizon. Ellowen, known as the Prophet by many, knew what had to be done. They were stuck in a cycle, destined to fail from the start. Except they weren’t. Not this time. This time, they chose to resist.

Or: a retelling of the scene following the aftermath of the Black Guardian's defeat.

Pairing: Jespar Dal'Varek x Ellowen the Prophet

Word count: Roughly 2k

Warnings: Major spoilers for the ending of Enderal: Forgotten Stories, angst and tragedy, implied/referenced character death

A/N: Ellowen uses she/they pronouns. I tried to use them equally without sacrificing the comprehensibility of the story, but as the writing fog set in, things just...happened. A friend pointed out that I, and I quote: "when it's real life/action related things, you use she/her pronouns, but when it's about their inside world, you tend to switch to they/them pronouns". As a fellow she/they, I refuse to comment on this.

Title is from Pale White Horse by The Oh Hellos. Beta-read by the amazing i'm your man on discord. thank you so much dude you rule <3

It all begins with the dreams.

—Maybe you weren’t looking hard enough, hm?

It was the masked men!

First, you set this horrible fire to your sister’s crib… she screamed and screamed and Mommy heard it.

The dead don’t forget! Do you hear me? The dead don’t forget!—

Of what, you ask?

Many things. They can be haunting to some, beautiful to others.

But that is not important.

—Now would you look at that…our mysterious survivor has awoken.

And it came with these visions?

Quite the sight, isn’t it?

Oh, yeah, I do, and this goal is called ‘surviving’.

How unexpectedly death calls us to him…it is bitter, is it not? Unfair.

Three words: I…don’t…care—

Heed my words.

The connections you forged, your little adventures, ambitions, heroics— in the grand scheme of things, none of it really matters.

…

Now, now.

There is no need to get upset like that.

—Deep down you wanted them dead, didn’t you?

I thought about joining them when all of this is over…and let’s just say, I wouldn’t mind some company.

This is the last stand. They are afraid of us, I can feel it!

Let’s just…see where it takes us.

You just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Will you give yourself to Coarek as he said he would?

You saw an opportunity, and you took it.

You could have made the right choice, but you refused—

It will happen again. And again. And again. And again.

Devour. Strengthen. Cleanse.

They will reap, over and over and over.

It is pointless to resist.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The outcome has been decided from the very beginning.

People screaming and running away, foolishly trying to save themselves from their inevitable demise. Bodies littering the streets, charred beyond recognition, faces forever stuck in an expression of despair—

Everything hurt.

As they limped through the corridor, Jespar supporting most of their weight, Ellowen told him everything she learned from the Black Guardian.

Everything besides the two options to forestall the Cleansing, as well as her choice.

If the new information surprised him, he did not show it, but she did not miss the way he kept glancing at her with a worried frown. Her ribs kept hurting, a hollow pain that spiked with every step they took. It did not matter. They had to put some distance between her and the still smouldering body of a pretender God.

—You were meant to dissolve, like the rest of mankind.

Yet here you stand, and I tell you the truth.

This was never meant to happen—

They were stuck in a cycle, destined to fail from the start.

Except they weren’t. Not this time.

To Ellowen, the solution was obvious. Better her than thousands of innocent people. Still, it did nothing to calm her wildly beating heart. What would they tell Jespar? They searched for the right words, thinking of a way to soften the blow, but came up empty. How does one even tell their partner they want to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of mankind?

A dry chuckle, bordering on a sob, forced its way out of their throat. They immediately grasped their throbbing side, vision swimming.

“Whoah, hey! No passing out just yet,” Jespar said and shifted his arms around her body. Ellowen sagged against him. “One foot after another– that’s it, you’re doing well, just stay awake.”

His voice washed over her, mixing in with faint sounds of rushing water. The combination helped to soothe her frayed nerves, somehow. The next few minutes passed in a blur, as they focused more on breathing through the pain, rather than the surroundings. They couldn’t remember closing their eyes, but somehow they found themself in one of the open chambers of the Undercity, slumped against a cold stone wall.

“The Black Guardian…” Ellowen said, voice hoarse. Jespar dug through her satchels, hurriedly taking out healing potions and food. He set everything beside him and cupped her face with his left hand.

“Shh, shh, just stay still for a moment, alright? Can’t have you dying on me, now can we?”

Slowly, the pain subsided as the potions did their work. Her vision cleared, breathing coming out less forced, but her chest still ached– ached with the knowledge of what was about to come.

They both stayed silent for a while, pretending as if they hadn’t nearly died just now– Ellowen watched the river pass by and tried to collect their thoughts, while Jespar busied himself with storing away the now empty potion flacons.

Jespar was the first one to break the silence before it got too unbearable. “You wanted to say something. About the Black Guardian.”

Ellowen swallowed. They worked their jaw, still collecting their thoughts. “Yes, he…before he attacked me, he told me of a way to circumvent the Cleansing,” they began softly and forced themselves to look him in the eyes.

“More than one, actually. One, we flee to the Star City and escape death, while the rest of Vyn is wiped out. We do not age– we become immortal, Gods, in our own right.” They wrinkled their nose and scoffed. “This allows us to oversee the creation of a new world, give birth to a new humanity. They will not know pride, they will not know deceit, effectively starving the High Ones and stripping them of their power.”

“A utopia,” he spat out the word. “A senseless fairy tale. And the other one?”

Ellowen looked down, carefully choosing their words.

“Two, we destroy the Beacon and halt the Cleansing. It will drive the High Ones away for a while, giving us the time we need. I know which one I want.”

“Alright,” he said, reaching out to grab their hand and intertwining their fingers. He stared at them for a while, seemingly mulling over something. When he spoke again, his voice was even, but she could feel something else hiding underneath the surface.

“Your decision… is it final?”

“Yes.”

“I still don’t understand this…fleshless thing. I mean, you’re here, right before me, and I can see you. Touch you, hold your hand. Could you really be an…an illusion?”

Ellowen looked at their connected hands. They opened their mouth to respond and—

Jespar hunched over and gasped in pain. Ellowen barely had the time to catch him by the shoulders.

They brushed a couple of strands of hair out of his face, noting the way he seemed to glow from within. Their heart skipped a beat. “Are you alright? What is it?”

“It’s– the Cleansing. Agh, my skull…burns, it burns– like it’s on fire,” he gritted out, holding his head. “You…seem to…Don’t you feel anything?”

“Faintly, it feels…dull, somehow.”

He took a deep breath. “Your…situation– it, it protects you. By the Wise Hermit– it burns, if this is how it feels down here…fate have mercy on those who are on the surface.”

They slowly got to their feet. “I have to go. Before it’s too–”

“No!” his hand shot forward and gripped her leg. “No, The Black Guardian is right, sacrificing yourself would be pointless. Even– even if I somehow manage to escape the explosion from the Beacon.”

Ellowen watched him struggle to get up, torn between helping him and leaving when they still had the chance.

“No, no, no– you can’t.”

“I have to. I have to stop the Cleansing.” Ellowen took a deep breath. “I can’t let all of those people die, I can’t let all of this be for nothing.”

“Then I’m going with you,” he said and stepped forward, raising his chin defiantly. His tone brooked no argument.

“Jespar, I’m not going to let you do that.” They took a step back. “There's…there’s no need for you to die as well.”

“And I’m supposed to let you?” He laughed bitterly. He threw a hand up. ”We have an out, we can both live if we escape to– to the Star City, as bizarre as that sounds.”

Silence settled between them, so heavy it was almost suffocating.

Ellowen watched as his body lit up and he spasmed again. They couldn’t turn back. Not now.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” they said, voice soft. On the verge of breaking.

I’m sorry, Jespar.

“You and your fucking idealism, what about all of the things you still want to do? What about Lethonia?”

They balled up their fists, ignoring the sting of pain as her nails bit into the flesh. Looking anywhere but his face. I’m sorry. I have to. “After the High Ones are defeated, you can still travel the–”

“—It doesn’t mean anything without you!”

Once again, silence descended over them, but this time it was tinged with something else. She searched for something, anything, to say– anything that was not a hollow apology or a fake smile.

Jespar gasped softly, realising something. A mask slipped over his face, eyes distant and cold.

—Burning, blazing– their screams echoed through the modest wooden house. Ellowen, young and full of righteous anger, eating away at their insides like acid, just watched. Watched as the flames licked their way up the building, hungrily devouring everything in their way. They deserved it, after all the things they have done to her—

“But this isn’t about saving everyone…is it? You think if you sacrifice yourself, it will finally make up for what you’ve done to them. To your family.”

“Jespar, don’t–”

“Is it not?”

—You wanted them dead, didn’t you? You wanted them dead, didn’t you? You wanted, wished, prayed, desired—

Jespar reached his hand out— to grab them? They did not know anymore. Everything spun. They were sure their breath was coming out of their chest in shallow, erratic bursts. It was too much, too much, crushing guilt and endless sorrow, when will it ever end? —and retracted it, swallowing. He stepped closer. Ellowen automatically took a step back, all of their senses on high alert. Blood pounded in their ears.

They had to do something. Stop this. Fix this.

I’m sorry, Jespar. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—

“Ell, you have to stop letting this dictate all of your actions, you–”

Her hand moved unnaturally fast, unerringly finding his temple. A brief flash and he stopped dead in his tracks.

Ellowen forced out a weak sigh, which quickly turned into a sob.

Jespar’s gaze became unfocused. Distant.

“Please forgive me,” they whispered, ”for doing this, but this is the only way I can make sure you can get to safety.”

Ellowen swallowed. “And maybe you’re right…maybe I am doing this for selfish reasons, but…it’s the choice that has the potential to save everyone.” They gave him a tired smile. “Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, does it?”

They took a step forward, brushing his fringe to the side with a shaky hand. They touched their foreheads together. A tear slipped down their cheek. “I wish we had more time together.”

Jespar’s face remained blank, eyes glassy.

“Find a Myrad and get to Qyra. The spell should wear off within an hour.”

They kissed his forehead and closed their eyes.

“I know you can beat the High Ones. Kick—” their voice broke, as did her resolve. Tears streamed down her face, unbidden. “Kick their asses extra hard for me, alright?”

“I’m sorry. I love you, you know that? All this is– was worth it. All of it. Travel safely.”

Ellowen turned around, clearing her mind. They hastily wiped their eyes and took one last look back. Out of their sight, a solitary tear slid down Jespar’s cheek.

They made sure their weapons were in their respective places. The Cleansing, nearly at its peak, towered over the imaginary horizon. They had a job to do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last Black Stone shattered and soon after that, their vision went dark. The Prophet, known by many as simply Ellowen, ceased to exist.

The world was safe– for now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The entire world mourned, but it did not know why. Something tremendous had happened– something important, that much was certain –and only a selected handful knew the truth of it.

Yet, only a limited amount of time remained until the Cycle began anew.

It all begins with the dreams.

Breathe.

A/N: Special thanks to @min1nova for emotional support, @zaahvi for nudging me in the right direction and phoenix dan cong tea for getting me through this. You're the best!

#ao3 #fanfiction #my fanfiction #midnightfangz-writing #enderal forgotten stories #enderal #jespar dal'varek #prophet #jespar x prophet #ellowen #vynblr

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afmis · 3 months

Text

Inspired by my last post… the SONGS I’d pick for c!beeduo? SO GOOD ‼️ my c!beeduo playlist was literal genius guys

If I may share some… 😏

Friendly Neighborhood Poltergeist by Rory Webley-

I like to pretend Ghostboo never existed. But if c!beeduo had been portrayed well and cc!beeduo hadn’t been such PUSSIES ‼️ …ghostboo could’ve been SO good. Such a painful arc for them. Like a love triangle 🥰 but it’s two of the same person and their husband 💀 anyways 😭 this song always reminds me of ghostboo. How c!tubbo would’ve just ignored him in favor or missing c!ranboo. While ghostboo felt like he could’ve been better

Lovefool by The Cardigans-

A classic. Obv, after the burger arc. Where c!ranboo immediately jumps to conclusions. Tho I also feel like with the way c!tubbo was written in that arc… ya can’t blame c!ranboo 💀

Francis Forever by Mitski

Mitski is literally c!Tubbo’s artist. Her songs are literally like all in c!Tubbo’s pov. But this one I’d imagine is after c!ranboo’s death, and where he doesn’t know how to go on after

If You Leave by Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark

I kinda imagine, in my better canon ending. They kinda wistfully parted ways. I think this one captures that ending well (OFC in my ending they got back tg after)

It Will Rain by Bruno Mars

In my perspective, c!Tubbo was written HORRIBLY. I think bc cc!tubbo hated cc!ranboo he didn’t even try with c!beeduo’s relationship 💀 but I imagine, and I rlly wish he was written in this way, that c!Tubbo really did love c!Ranboo. He was just as smitten as canon c!Ranboo was with c!Tubbo. He just wasn’t great at expressing it, and he always thought c!Ranboo could do better. But he was secretly terrified of c!Ranboo leaving, and he didn’t want that. Ofc, “cuz there’ll be no sunshine if I lose you baby” and “if you walk away, everyday it’ll rain”. He would be devastated if c!Ranboo left, not uncaring like c!Tubbo was portrayed

Warning Sign by Coldplay

Like my last one says, I think c!Tubbo was very insecure when it came to c!Beeduo’s relationship. He 100% thought c!Ranboo deserved better and thought c!Ranboo would be better without him. So I think he would’ve let him go. I think this song would show that kinda misery that came with actually LOSING c!ranboo and not having them in his life. He’d be running into c!ranboo’s arms fr 😭

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

I think in the fucked up canon where c!beeduo weren’t meant for each other in the end. They would come to the conclusion that being married wasn’t for the best. So this song would be c!Ranboo leaving bc they know they aren’t what c!Tubbo needs. C!Tubbo would need more than c!Ranboo. Hey, I never said I liked my perspective of canon c!beeduo 💀

The Exit by Conan Gray

Every time I hear this song I remember c!Beeduo and just cry. But I kinda imagine post burger arc, c!Ranboo is just heartbroken and c!Tubbo is unapathethic. They grow apart. c!Tubbo is happier away and living his life. Even months later, c!Ranboo is still left wondering what went wrong with their life and their family and trapped in the past. They haven’t healed, aka “feels like we had matching wounds, but mine’s still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine”. They’re just sad and heartbroken 😿 c’mon c!tubbo

Save Your Tears by The Weeknd

Every since this song came out, I think around the divorce arc, I’ve immediately thought of c!beeduo. In c!Tubbo’s pov ofc. “You look so happy when I’m not with you. But then you saw me, caught you by surprise . A single teardrop falling from your eyes. I don’t know why I run away. I make you cry when I run away. You could’ve asked me why I broke your heart. You could’ve told me that you fell apart. But you walked past me like I wasn’t there. You just pretended that you didn’t care. “ and “Girl take me back cuz I wanna stay, save your tears for another- I realize that I’m much too late and you deserve someone better. “ I feel like this would either be present burger arc or post. Maybe both. c!Ranboo heartbroken and c!Tubbo realizing and wanting to fix things

Level of Concern by Twenty One Pilots

Present burger arc. “Cause I told you my level of concern, but you walked by like you never heard” I’m act not quite sure for which of them I picked this song for. Maybe c!Ranboo being worried during the whole like. c!Tubbo and c!Quackity partnering thing and c!Tubbo being oblivious/dismissing it. Or c!Tubbo being worried about them and c!Ranboo ignoring his questions due to being angry

Little Talks by Monsters and Men

I think this song fits the change from the happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase where everything is perfect, to the “uh-oh, something’s wrong” start of unraveling and distrust of their relationship. Obv, c!Tubbo is the one who is panicked and feeling unsure, while c!Ranboo is the one who is trying to comfort him

Christmas in June by AJR

This is just bc of the animatic I saw years agon💀 but I feel like it is fitting. GO WATCH THE ANIMATIC THO IT’S SO CUTE, I THINK IT’S CALLED CHRISTMAS IN JUNE. BEEDUO? ANIMATIC? IDK 😭 GO WATCH IT THO

Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng

This isn’t less of the divorce arc and more of just c!beeduo in general 😭 to where I’d imagine the canon where they wouldn’t end up enemies LMFAO. This song is SOOOOOO c!Tubbo, panicking bc he accepted he’d never have a happy ending and here comes warm, loving c!Ranboo to turn that around. So cute

When He Sees Me (a lot of artists, it’s from the Waitress musical 😭)

c!Tubbo fr. Post L’Manberg, logical and pessimistic c!Tubbo who doesn’t ever see himself finding love. But he does want to be loved and meet the one, he’s just scared because he doesn’t feel like anyone could love him

Love Like You (Steven Universe lol)

I’M SORRRYYY IK THIS ONE IS SO OVERDONE 💀 but this fits c!Tubbo so well. Sorry I love me some c!Tubbo study y’all. Once him and c!Ranboo get “platonically” married, become really close and they rlly start to love each other. c!Tubbo is like holy guacamole. He’s literally the most incredible and kind-hearted person he’s ever met and he’s just too good. Nothing like c!Tubbo. And he’s like what’s he doing with me 😿 (hence the whole “he deserves better I’m so emo” thing)

I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

This song makes me so emotional it’s so beautiful 😭 but I’d like to imagine c!Beeduo as this beautiful, loving, completely smitten relationship. I feel like in the beginning, around like March-June 2021 where they’re like wow this is new I’m like secretly in love with my platonic husband (or after they finally makeout) and we’re staring into each other’s eyes and everything’s so perfect and I’m so happy. This song is what I imagine c!Beeduo’s relationship as. Completely in love, like a dream

Strawberry Blond by Mitski

(Back to the divorce arc again LOL) c!Tubbo being oblivious and happy with his new life selling… burgers. c!Ranboo just smiling through the pain like I’m SO happy for you *ugly sobbing* but he loves c!Tubbo too much so he’ll put up with whatever

Sally’s Song (Nightmare Before Christmas)

I watched this movie for the first time around the c!Beeduo divorce arc. Yeah ik 💀 but when I heard this song I was like HOOOOOOOO THIS IS THEM FR ‼️ naw bc like “I sense there’s something in the wind that feels like tragedy’s at hand. And though I’d like to stand by him, can’t shake this feeling that I have. The worst is just around the bend. And does he notice my feelings for him? When will he see how much he means to me? I think it’s not to be” LITERALLY the whole song is c!Ranboo I’m just not gonna copy and paste the entire thing 😭 in the canon I think c!Ranboo would be the one who’s aware that the burger arc can only lead to bad things, and c!Tubbo’s oblivious (HE WOULD NOT BE BUT 🙄). Alas, c!Ranboo doesn’t want to say anything and silently supporters c!Tubbo’s decision, knowing c!Tubbo is ignoring c!Ranboo’s feelings

I Love You So by The Walters

I would play this song on loop just thinking abt c!Beeduo back then 😭 and every time I hear it I’m like ah. The gays. “You’re saying I’m the one but it’s your actions that speak louder” c!Ranboo seeing c!Tubbo isn’t SHOWING that he loves c!Ranboo. “I’ve got to get away and let you go, I gotta get over… but I love you so” c!Ranboo knowing he needs to leave c!Tubbo but he loves him too much to leave. “I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul, cuz you were cruel and I’m a fool, so please let me go” c!Ranboo eventually building resentment and leaving

Happier by Olivia Rodrigo

“Oh, I hope you’re happy. But not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know. I can’t let you go. So find someone great, but don’t find no one better. I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier. “ c!Ranboo would 100% be the bitter ex-wife who loves c!Tubbo but also wishes him the worst LOL. He’d be like “yeah we’re done and I don’t wanna be with you, I hope whoever you end up with or whatever you end up doing doesn’t make you happy”

Feeling Lonely by boy pablo

“Can’t help it, I just miss you. How did I lose you now again? “ c!Tubbo. After the burger arc, c!Ranboo is bitter, distances himself, starts spending less time in snowchester and with c!tubbo, talks to him less and less until he’s not even there anymore. c!Tubbo finally stops being oblivious and is like “pookie what happened 😕💔” and turns into actual devastation bc he’s actually sad that c!Ranboo’s gone and he lost him

Alr folks 😭 that’s it. I’ll link my sloppy, unfinished (and probably will never be finished) c!beeduo playlist if desired. Y’all can take a look if desired :) if you actually got this far, I commend you. But I probably would’ve as well 💀 I’m desperate for any ounce of c!beeduo I can get. LOVE YOU, BYE!

playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5BmmigtYA6GkOfFpaiFMda?si=uzocViyuRSyjK6scrJeKfA&pi=u-hU4qqT47SwqK

#c!beeduo #beeduo #cbeeduo #c!beeduo /r #c!tubbo #c!ranboo #dsmp

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haysprite · 1 year

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you said you had headcanons of Julie which involve frank, please share 👀.

OH GLADLY <3 These are the main ones that live in my mind rent free teehee (besides the ones I've already drawn out/talked about before ofc ofc)!

• They absolutely LOVE listening to each other talk. They’ll take turns talking about whatever is on their mind, whether it's just something they find interesting, a rant, whatever. Even if the other has been talking for 10+ minutes nonstop, they’ll just sit there and listen, completely enamored by the other.

• Frank will go looking for one of his shirts or jackets, only to find Julie laying around wearing the exact thing he was looking for. Although a bit annoyed, he can’t help but smile as he goes and finds something else to wear.

• Frank is a HORRIBLE dancer, he can’t dance to save his life. Julie, although not the best dancer herself, still tries to teach him as much as she possibly can. Even though he doesn’t particularly understand WHY she wants to teach him, he still enjoys it, since he gets to be close with her and it makes her happy.

• When Frank was still attending Fairview and on the basketball team, Julie would drag the other two to all his games and be his biggest cheerleader. He got distracted on the court by her every so often, but he didn’t mind (though the rest of his team sure did lmfao).

• Whenever they get in a fight, they can’t really stay mad at each other for too long. It would take a LOT to get them to not speak for a few days, but they always make up in the end. Frank blows up a lot, but he’s slowly learning how to control his anger and direct it elsewhere with Julie’s help.

• Frank has like, a sixth sense when it comes to Julie being upset. He’s able to tell almost right away if she’s feelin down or angry, and though he doesn’t always know how to help out, he still tries his best. He’ll typically just scoop her up and cuddle with her until she’s either ready to talk or has calmed down.

• Though it took a little bit of convincing Julie on Frank’s part (since Julie is a bit indecisive with certain shit), they eventually got matching tattoos. No idea what they’d be, but they’d either be on their wrists or their shoulders.

• Frank runs super warm, so whenever she’s feelin too cold, Julie will run up to him and just snuggle against him. This catches him off guard every damn time, cause how tf is it physically possible to be this cold? He’s her personal heater

• Frank is very protective of Julie! He tries not to be overbearing, since he knows she’s a bad bitch that can handle herself, but he’ll gladly beat the shit out of anybody that tries messing with her when he’s around.

• Frank is one of the main subjects of Julie’s silly art/doodles. She never shows em to him, but he catches her eventually and drowns her in compliments. She’s a bit embarrassed about it at first, but he’s her hype man, and his appreciation of her art means the world to him.

-They love watching horror/slasher films together a LOT! Both of em are pretty desensitized to like, everything, so they honestly just end up talking about and making fun of the movie the whole time. They’d point out stupid shit or crack jokes. Half of the time they’d barely make it halfway through the movie before they’re laughing their asses off over the stupidest shit or making out.

• While Julie is a morning person, Frank is very much not. Julie will try to get out of bed, only to be dragged back by Frank despite her protests. He’ll always say “5 more minutes”, which tends to turn into another hour before Julie has to kick him off the bed and book it so she can finally grab a bowl of cereal or somethin and get her day started.

• Julie is the one typically driving them around, since Frank honestly probably got his license taken away and doesn’t really have a car (he’d steal one, but it’d be a lot harder to get away with that than anything else, doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried tho). She’s always the one in control of the music, despite all of Frank’s protests.

• Julie tends to plan out most of their dates, and will always make sure everything goes according to plan. Frank, on the other hand, will sometimes surprise Julie with spur of the moment dates that honestly typically end in disaster a good chunk of the time.

• Frank loves to get lil treats for Julie since he knows she’s a major sweet tooth. He’ll snatch her some cupcakes from the store whenever he gets the chance, and Julie is always super grateful for this.

• Whenever it's a really bad snow day and neither of them feel like going out, they’ll just hang around in the lodge all day by the campfire, huddled up in some blankets and drinking hot cocoa while they snuggle.

• The amount of shit Frank would steal for Julie and just leave around for her to find is immeasurable. He’s like a lil crow sometimes, he’ll find something that reminds him of her, snatch it, and give it to her.

• Whenever alcohol is involved, I feel like Julie gets super sappy over the smallest stuff, and will drunkenly blabber on to Frank about how much she loves him. It takes a LOT to get Frank drunk, on the other hand, so he’ll kinda just be dealing with a silly Julie for a while until he’s absolutely wasted himself. Then they’d just be stupid together before passing out and waking up with the worst hangovers.

• They love pulling harmless pranks on each other a lot, mainly just to see how the other would react. They also lightly bully each other, mainly just calling each other names or making fun of each other. Neither of them takes it too far, of course, and will quickly stop if they know they’re about to hurt each other by accident.

• For their 1 year anniversary, Frank purposely took her to the coffee shop where they originally met. They sit in the same spot and just laugh and talk for hours, before they proceed to spend the rest of the day doing their silly shenanigans hand in hand.

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links-hella-fine-booty · 4 months

Text

2023

Holy shit. This year had to have been the most eventful year of my life and that's saying something.

Beginning of last year, Gavin and I were struggling to do whatever we could to find an apartment. Well, come February, we did. We finally were able to cross the biggest gap in our lives and relationship. I packed my stuff and suddenly, I was with him and living in Texas. My 28th birthday came and I got to spend it with friends. I haven't spent a birthday with a friend in so long. It felt wonderful to have people that wanted to be around me.

April came around and another one of my biggest dreams came true. I finally got my first puppy. Bliz has been a name for a dog I wanted for years and now he's my precious baby. I love my dog so much. He might be a little special needs as I've come to discover, but he's perfect and I know that fate brought my Bliz and I together. AND along with April, I got my beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, cunty, stunning, sweet, passionate, loving new pookie Niran. He literally brought me back to Overewatch single handedly and I love him. Fell for that man harder than any other fictional man ever. I want him carnally fr.

May was lovely and just as exciting. Not only did we once again have a wonderful time with friends for Gavin's birthday, but we got a new baby as well. Toast and Bliz actually got along and she was our kitten. Sly little thing she is, but I can't imagine life without her. Never was a cat person but I suppose she really changed me. I love my fatass little cat.

June was, hard. While being so excited to see Mexico for the first time ever in the following month, my dad ended up in the hospital. Just after Father's day. Quite possibly the scariest thing my family has ever had to go through. Weeks of nothing but worry and stress. He pulled through, but he will never be how he used to be. He's mostly in a wheelchair and can no longer walk on his own. I miss my father. I miss him so much. I took for granted all the times we went to the grocery store and taking him to the bank. I know everyone says it, but do not take time for granted. It really can be gone in an instant. I am happy to say my dad is okay. Him making it to his 81st birthday and to the New Year, means everything. I want nothing but comfort for him this upcoming year, and for my mom and sister to take it easy too. We all love him.

July, was wonderful. I got to go to Mexico with Gavin's family. They showed me nothing but kindness and caring the whole time. Mexico was beautiful and I want to go back. I have to get my passport updated but hey I will. After Mexico, it was back home to NJ. Being back home felt so right and I wish Gavin and I could move over there, but it's not in the cards right now. But! I enjoyed a great time seeing my dad and going to the Jersey Shore. Time with my mom, sister, and dad pretty much recharged me. Stayed about two weeks longer than intended but I know in the long run I needed that.

August. God. August. It started out great. We were back home and Gavin was ready for his appointment to start T. Both of us were so happy that he could finally start his journey. We went, he got it, life felt so good. However, it seemed like Gavin and I couldn't catch a break and life decided, "yeah, throw them in a car accident." Gavin's car was towed and we were in horrible pain. My stomach was so bruised I couldn't bend down and Gavin could barely use his hands. A whole week of stress and anxiety over what to do now that we didn't have a car. Thankfully his parents were once again, so kind, caring, and understanding that we were able to get a new car. His name is Ramram and he's kept us safe which is all we could ask for.

September wasn't so bad other than learning two of our friends, weren't the people we thought they were. October was pretty okay which was nice. Throughout these months it was mostly financial stress which we still have but the hell am I supposed to do about it at this point.

November. I usually hate November. Halloween is gone and done and I don't really care too much about Thanksgiving. But I suppose Gavin changed that. After weeks of severe depression and anxiety, crying every day, it all stopped. He proposed. He had gotten me the most beautiful ring. Goth and elegant. With one question, everything melted away and I haven't cried a sorrow tear since.

Now that it's December, I realize just how many things happened and how things still are happening. My family and family's friends accept my engagement and are excited for me. They are happy. I'm planning a wedding. I made it far enough in life that I am getting married. I'm getting married next October. I'm still tearing up as I write this because 19 year old Lauren didn't think she'd make it to 20, let alone 27. I'm getting married. It's incredible. Other than being in a dream like state from that, of course I had to get a whole ass addiction to Baulder's Gate 3. Perhaps it's not the traditional dnd experience but I can't say I don't love it. I now get to have some fictional men be here without me needing them. I get to have Astarion and Halsin and Gale at my happiest. That's, so different than all of the ones before them, Niran included. It almost doesn't feel real.

2023 was something else. 2024 is going to be wonderful. I am soon going back to NJ to plan where to have our wedding. Gavin and I will have our first anniversary and Valentine's day together too! I get to go back to NJ a few more times for wedding plans and vacation and then the wedding. My biggest hope for 2024, is that Gavin and I can start a process to start my dream.

I want to be a mother. I wanted to be a mother since as long as I can remember. If I can just start this journey into being a mother, everything up until that point will have been worth it. Every moment of stress, pain, tears, and more. I hope sometime next year I can make a post saying we've succeeded. I know the process won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Happy New Year everyone. I made it through this year. I can make it through next year, and you can too.

#cia mode activated #teared up like 4 times writing all this #long post

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ff7-has-taken-me-over · 1 year

Note

I’m bad with more prompts I have just been in different fandoms (1 being Hannibal’s they are very gay i say that) so I have unfortunately neglecting COD a bit 😔 But I’m back here two prompts that once again keep awake this whole thing https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRTfbakF/ graves felt something for soap fr ghost was punching the air hearing them speak and the second one would be soap x Rudy they just seem so cute together very soft also blushy ghost makes me so happy he gets so shy after soap kisses him that’s all :p loved hearing all your thoughts on my prompts <3

You and me both buddy, I’ve been hanging out in Resident Evil and Honkai 😂 also i love receiving all your prompts, they’re heaps of fun to write/think about

It still catches me so off guard when i see things where Graves genuinely cares for Soap, but its also so funny cause every time i try and think of that man trying to rizz Soap up, all i can think of is that scene where he sucks his teeth and shit before telling Ale his men have been detained.

And the thought of him being so bad at flirting but Soap either being that oblivious or finding it too fuckin funny that he just lets it continue is amazing to me. Especially when Simon’s listening into all of it and is absolutely losing his mind over these horrible fuckin pick up lines and hearing Soap laughing in response. Its just *chefs kiss*

Omfg Rudy and Soap? They’re so bloody cute. Those two would take over the world with how adorably soft and badass they’d be as a couple. Its like the polar opposite of Alejandro and Valeria as a couple and I love it.

Rudy would be the softest fuckin lover and would balance out Soap’s chaotic energy but he’d also subtly endorse that shit if he saw fit. He would be giving out affection and gifts like he was getting paid to do it and he wouldn’t give one single shit if you didn’t like it.

Soap would be so blushy and giggly when Rudy kissed him on the cheek in the middle of a pub, heedless of anybody else because if he wanted to show affection to his boyfriend he’ll damn well do it.

Johnny’s just so used to being the one to initiate any and most physical affection/pda that when its done to him he isn’t entirely sure how to react to it. He loves it to bits but he’s also so shy about it and its adorable to see.

And last but not least! Our poor Ghost and his affection starved self. Simon absolutely adores getting kisses from Johnny because they’re always so soft and gentle.

They never ask for anything in return or leave him feeling icky and grossed out. It’s just Johnny’s way of showing him affection and Simon loves it so damn much.

He can’t help but blush to the tip of his ears when Johnny mindlessly kisses his cheek before leaving for his duties, the Scotsman smiling brilliantly before he leaves. His heart warms when the sergeant, without fail, kisses him goodnight, regardless of whether their sharing the same bunk or not.

Johnny will quite literally track him down across the base just so he can kiss him goodnight and its so unbelievably heartwarming and it makes him blush something stupid whenever it happens. But he wouldn’t change for the world.

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thatiranianphantom · 2 years

Note

i wanted to give jt a chance because i love jug and i wanted him to be happy while betty went off to do whatever with archie for awhile. the jt friendship seemed like it had potential and i was optimistic this would be a fun ‘in between’ romance for both jug and tabitha.

then they started dating. ive really never seen anything like it. both very lovable characters, perfect situation, HORRIBLE execution. i’ve never seen two people have less chemistry in my life and this is coming from someone who has sat thru way too many bad tv shows. what is the deal there though fr? why do you think it’s so bad? i still can’t figure it out tbh—

i think i’d rather watch ba and trust me that is really saying something because i freaking HATE them lol

Agreed, anon!

I will openly admit I am biased to BH but that tends to shut me off of ships like BA, but I'd venture to say my dislike of JT had very little to do with ship preferences. I didn't like it, wouldn't have chosen it, but if it was a brief fling it could have had some potential before inevitably going back to their OG ships.

As you said, then they started dating. It truly looks like they're being forced to interact at gunpoint. As I've said I've seen LOTS of ships I hated on TV, but I've never seen two actors more clearly communicate that they cannot even stand to be in the same room as each other. At a certain point, I was less looking for chemistry and more looking for them being somewhat tolerant of each other? It was that bad. The J*bitha effect should be studied. Should I ever take a pop culture course, I will do an analysis on this very phenomenon, and why instead of saying "oh, this is actually the most unpopular pairing CW wide and is dragging the most popular character down, maybe we should end this" they just pressed in harder. Truly incredible. Could only be the work of a mediocre man failing up.

As to why, well...you know what my opinion on this is controversial, as is my wont and my reputation but I'll stick it behind a cut anyway.

First of all, part of it is acting ability. I'm sorry, I have nothing against her as a person, but Erinn Westbrook is not a good actress. She just isn't. In her earlier scenes as more of a side character, they could get away with it because she wasn't on screen much and was kinda propped up by other, better actors? But Cole is the kind of actor that needs a good scene partner. Lili is one of the most talented actors, so they work well as a pairing. But Erinn...she just reads her lines. It is truly to her detriment that they had more scenes with her in later episodes. She and Cole can't pull any genuine responses out of each other, and the chemistry dies there. It's not just Cole, too. In her scenes with Cami, you can see Cami trying to pull some genuine responses out of her and getting nothing. Again, nothing against Erinn as a person. Maybe she'd do better in other roles, who knows. But this was in my mind a contributing factor to why JT was so bad. Also, while I don't think the actors disliked each other and don't think there was any sort of drama on set, I think they did have different personalities and they don't strike me as the type that would hang out ordinarily if given the choice. That's pure spec, but yeah.

I think the other elements just came down to bad writing, bad storylines and whatever the opposite of lightning in a bottle is. A perfect storm for good, but kinda the opposite as a perfect storm for bad.

I don't like BA obviously but at least it appeared they could stand to be in the same room? It was quite a time that season. Part of what made the OGs work is it paired up weaker actors with stronger actors, but they threw all that in the trash in 5 and 6 and paired their weak actors together. And the result was....this.

#Answered #Riverdale #Controversial opinons #Don't look if you're just going to come yell at me about how wrong I am #I will literally screenshot the definition of opinion for you

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hafula · 2 years

Note

uhhh vash! IM WRACKING MY BRAIN THINKING OF OTHER MEDIA WE BOTH LIKE HOLD ON

OMG HI I DIDNT SEE U SENT THIS SORRYYYYYYYYY its ok trigun is tge only thing necessary. my answers r gonna cover manga anime AND some stampede thoughts >:)

My overall opinion on the character

there is a reason why he is the main character and so beloved <3 i think hes so CUTE! i love the idea of a gunslinger in a scifi space western who refuses to kill and im so glad that nightow made that concept and brought it to life because vash is so! lovable! in all forms! hes everything to me!!! i LOVE manga vash the most rn, though subject to change once stampede comes out 😏😏 i love the way his hyperpacifism was handled and the fact that in the manga its obvious that it has HORRIBLE consequences. LIKE hyperpacifism does not exist in a vacuum. and he saw something so traumatic but hes still so kind?! the only main character. i love him genuinely. i have 3 introjects of him by accident

One virtue they have

the way this ask game is phrased makes me so confused all the time cuz im an excath who went to a catholic school for 6 years. huh. but i think that vash is very emotionally intuitive and just intuitive in general of course. hes super freaky smart. but he picks up on peoples emotions no problem and i always thought it was interesting how he reacted to them even when he was still acting like he was a clueless dumbass!!! he definitely saw through wolfwood quickly which makes me insane, and he picks up on his enemys' emotions too which is why he knows when they decide to not kill him anymore. crazy stuff. i like him

One flaw they have

same as knives. black and white thinking. i think vashs black and white thinking is so interesting because its the root of his hyperpacifism—no killing under any circumstances. he is put against the ROCKS thruout the story with horrible people who want him to die no matter what but to him, killing is inherently always bad. there is no grey area with either twin. because knives is a killer hes bad to vash. there doesnt seem to be a lot of nuance! ngl im just interested in seeing how both twins are autism creatures in opposite ways

Favorite moment from their arc

umm there are so many. in the manga i have always howled over vash going to mass in one chapter and being forced out by bounty hunters, and the bottle of alcohol in his coat breaks. like its not a HAPPY moment but this has always been the part where im like oh fuck. the consequences of his actions are catching up to him. he realizes he is making people around him suffer even though he refuses to kill and its literally driving him towards trying to be drunk at any possible time. he LICKS the alcohol off of his glove. it shows so well that even the most noble deed can turn out to have consequences we cannot deal with because nothing is black and white everything is grey and i wanna EXPLODE.

Least favorite moment from their arc

i hated how creepy he was in the movie. like fr. i know he does a lot of things so ppl underestimate him but it felt like they took his characterization way too far in that. vash in the anime was obsessed w/ pretty women (which always felt fake as hell LOL) but in the movie it is WAY too much for me lol. i wish that weird side of vash was never highlighted in the anime/movie

One relationship they have with another character

his and livios relationship makes me insane. like it sort of feels like after nick died that vash adopted his little brother. and its so obvious that hes OBVIOUSLY grieving at that point because Nick Just Fucking Died, he lashed out with his powers in response to the point where he sped along his OWN death, but like always he treats livio with kindness. he also makes them enough food that they get sick and doesnt bring up the fact that livio kind of is the reason why nick died. he falls asleep in the car while livios driving and he trusts him enough. i just love that livio got a second chance at all, it was obviously deserved but its very refreshing to see a system character become one of the main good guys and friends w vash :)

One relationship I'd like to see explored from this character

lina :(((( and granny :((( i wish we got to see them again besides the one thing at the end of the manga cuz they really were emphasized to be important to vash and that theyd meet again and it did make me sad to see them disappear off the face of the planet. i just love lina a lot shes so swaggy. generally though i think there are so many interesting relationships with the people vash meets so its hard to choose which should be explored more, luida is another option cuz i feel like she just appeared in the manga with little explanation and it would have been cool to see more of her & vashs relationship among other things

What I would have liked to see happen with them in the media

this is more anime geared cuz the manga satisfied me. but i did wish that they would have given vashs actions consequences. in the anime its very obvious that its got the shonen show swag, but they also made it impossible for there to be like. nuance in vashs actions imo. it just didnt hit as hard in the anime! where is vash crumbling under the weight of the fact that everything he does only makes things worse for the people around him! once youve read the manga its hard to feel like the anime did that ngl, because what i can commemorate the anime for is being a really good 90s shonen anime that captured the spirit of trigun well, but of course the manga being a seinen kind of freaked it. i also am just salivating at stampede rn im so excited 4 it i wanna see how they approach EVERYTHING!!!!

#bumåbaba #asks #nastronde #THANK U FOR THE ASK I LOVE CHARACTER ANALYSIS IM INSANE ❤

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kart0 · 2 years

Text

meds update plus rant: day 20

almost 3 weeks guys ! I'm doing it !! I need to schedule an appointment cuz I only have 10 pills left oof

hmm...folks, not gonna lie... these few days have been tough.. I started becoming more and more frustrated cuz I felt like they weren't working ( days 16-18 ) and my mom also asked me a few days ago "so... Dani... have you been feeling better ?" in which I replied "nope" and she asked "do you feel any different at all ?" and also again "nope"

btw it's not PMS lmao I swear

and then I got even more upset that, maybe I might just be undiagnosed with adhd ? cuz I'm still struggling with doing tasks, procrastinating, forgetting stuff, getting overwhelmed easily, getting angry easily. I had to change my bed sheets and I really started crying. I am so tired.. and it's hard to change the sheets cuz of my mattress and the shape of my bed and also I have to fold and put the comforter a certain way and its not exactly a simple and fast task and it can mess up the sheets and make everything look and feel wonky and... like fr I am not exaggerating... and then also I just. started going on a spiral yet again :(

I feel so insecure and I just wanna cry all the time. because I'm so tired. I keep forgetting or procrastinating to fix my sleep schedule. it's 2am rn...

I feel horrible with my appearance, I hate my face and my body, I hate everything about how I look. and I feel very ugly all the time, I'm too self conscious and too self aware of my surroundings and I can't never relax... don't slouch, don't show your teeth when speaking or smiling, don't move your head too much, don't touch your hair, don't stand this way it makes you look weird. I'm exhausted, why can't I just accept how I look...

I feel dumb, and untalented. I feel lazy, and stupid, because I keep seeing people around me succeed and I can never do that. yes I am fucking envious of people. no I do not wish them bad things but all I can think about is.. that could've been me if I had tried harder. if I had tried enough. if I forced myself to do it.

and it's taking such a toll on me rn I feel stupid and dumb and lime a failure.

I'm frustrated cuz I can't improve my artstyle either, nor my poses or composition. my art is so repetitive and unoriginal, and uncreative. predictable. forgettable.

boring.

n also, no one fucking interacts with me on twitter and I don't blame them cuz I never post art, not interact with them, and all I ever do is cry and vent like a fucking loser. who wants to read this shit anyways. but what makes it worse is that I'm currently at my peak, I have never had this much followers ever. and I know it doesn't mean worth but I can't seem to change this mindset

which makes me feel like such an imposter... how can I have this many followers when I don't post shit. when my art is shit. when I am a shit person. why are they following me, I don't deserve anything. and now it's even more pressure I want them to be happy I want them to not see how much of a loser I really am.

and I just. I don't know. I could do such great things. I know I have the talent. I know I am smart. but why can't I just be better, use my time more wisely, and improve myself. I am such a waste. that's how I feel most of the time, I'm wasting myself, wasting my time, my parents money. I'm so tired of being stupid and not doing what I have to do just cuz I don't want to do it.

it's a bad bad bad day and week. I guess this is the confirmation that the meds aren't working, or haven't started working yet. I just want to die

#me #update #rant #antidepressants

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sxamykevinxs · 8 months

Text

||Ramble Ramble because I love writting||

Ok so, I know I've been inactive for a while but that's cause I was on my other socials (I'll post them at the end since I'm active more on them)

But also because I feel like I recently fell in love again, and I know I've had like bad relationships in the past, I know. My friends are worried if I get into another relationship, they'll think I'll leave them and I'll get heartbroken again. The thing is, I really do love them

I mean, I have screen shots of what our conversations (these were confessions and just corny stuff)

Now I know it's obvious, but I feel like it's platonic or something. I don't know. it's either romantic or platonic, I don't know. My aroace side is saying it's platonic, but i also feel like it's romantic. I mean, I guess since they have been in a relationship for months (poly powers fr fr) anyways, they've been in a hurtful relationship and I feel bad since they were forced to make out with them. I felt horrible for them, and I wished I could comfort them more irl, but they're a long away from me. They keep saying I make them smile and they did make a gift animation for me (it was Candybats related because me and them are a Kevin and Streber irl) and they're always rambling about love stiff about me. But I still don't believe it, I don't know why, I just don't. But I really do love them a whole lot. I've been thinking about them, I've made art of them and my persona (I've never shown the drawing but I'm gonna show it here and the one they made for me hebdjsnd)

Anyways, I feel so obsessed with them, and it feels like I'm annoying. Now I know they have other friends to talk to (I do too), but I feel like I get too jealous to the point where I get remembered of my recent ex. Like I decided to let my ex hang out with someone to the point where they left me for them, and I was absolutely broken down. I'm not letting the same mistake happen, but I'm still letting them have friends, I don't care because I'm not that long of a person. I just don't want the same mistake to happen. Ok and to be honest, I've been sritting them love notes and that just made them more happy and I'm glad. But I don't know if it's still real love. Ok but maybe I'll wait a little longer yo actually think I'm in love.

Although, I do really believe it's real love. Unless it's my mind tricking me into falling in love just to feel more devastated just thinking about it. I feel like I'm falling in love too fast and it scared me, it may be bad though, we've known each other for almost a month and it feels like we're taking it too fast. I mean we love each other a lot. Still not jumping to conclusions though

Also about this candybat gift they made for me (please do not say anything about this btw, I'm not ready to tell them all of this I'm just here to support)

youtube

Anyways here's the socials

Discord : xoxo_amy.kevin_xoxo (🍬Kevin the Kandy🍬)

Instagram: amy.kevin_x3

Tiktok: sx____amy.kevin___xs

I recommend checking my tiktok and discord though

#Youtube

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therealbuunee · 1 year

Text

"I can't erase you. It's your birthday ! Today would've made 4 years. If we stuck it out. Life happened though and even though things are way better than they have ever been. It's more than that when I miss my friend." - Kimaa 9:37 am

I get it . I understand

Wyd today?

Idk yet

That's different

You normally already have plans.

Yeah I'm cooling this time around

That's good honestly but it's your birthday you gotta do something!

Nah lol

No fr

You gotta blow candles out today tf

At least do that

Lol nah

📵 Missed Call

I said I'm otp I was gonna call back

📵 Missed Call

Everything after that is far from a mystery we've done this before...

Dinner turned into a walk in the park literally. After drinking and finishing two cups of passion fruit margaritas. I started to wonder if you needed to drink to be around me. Yea it was that obvious. The hookah was far from done and the food wasn't hitting how I thought it would. So I sat and puffed away. I invited you out tonight so the bills on me. Before long we were headed out of CARNEVAL and standing out front really wasn't it for me. I could've gone home from there that would have been fine by me. You asked me how far DOMINO PARK was from where we were. At this point I'm thinking to myself. This is too good to be true. No yelling no cursing eye rolling. No attitude as calm as can be. From the moment you hopped out that Uber waking across the street in that dress I knew what you came to do. You had changed so much. I had evolved and was afraid to show you. Many things crossed my mind during these short moments with you. Between the phone call to ask me where I was to the instant I laid eyes on you. The eruption of butterflies in my belly grew. I just hoped you wouldn't sense my excitement. No matter how happy I was I refused to tell you. You asked if I wanted to go to the park. Nothing but confusion filled my mind. What's being in that park mean to you ? Til this day I have no clue. Thinking back to the first night we did that I'm pretty sure you remember that night too. How you slept for hours in the car. I stayed up making sure no one would interrupt you. The relaxation over your face as you leaned back in your seat still so close to me. Maybe it was the liquor or the fact that you made me kiss you in front of every body. This kiss was nothing compared to others we've shared many. It was the way you did it lol . I hated the fact that you were actually in there. Spending the amount of time that I did there was nothing compared to growing up there although I spent a lot of time. I guess it would never be the same. You being there is being there together felt wrong. Who were those bitches you brung with you. I wanted to take you home get you away from there. I wanted to go home too. That night is such a blur ... Amy heart aches alot was going on ! I could taste the tequila on your lips when ours met. You were drinking. I asked if you drove and you said yeah ! The bitches that came with you I had never seen them before. I knew Thea and Mani Emoni what ever her name is. The one you said smelled like piss. I had already planned to make the gang shirts. I offered you one and all these bitches wanted one too. I didn't like Mani simply became you exposed me to her. I shouldn't have been mad at her I should been upset with you. I have never done anything like that to you . Why would you expose what's yours ? Why would I expose what's mine ?... We gave each other parts of one another that no one else had seen ! Foolish of me to believe I was special. Mani wasn't even a horrible person. I could feel your energy good bad ugly fake I'm going to know. Playing dumb has its rewards every time. Posted up in front 340 the next generation of red bullies ! Double S Byron My Fave just came home. You walked up the ramp towards us the way you and Shay talked to each other it was as if Footz was there. Nobody else seemed to notice but us. You told me to stay here you'd be back to pick me up. I had no clue where you went. I waited for you until I couldn't wait anymore. Being in that apartment you could feel everything, most of all the hurt the pain was heavy. I wished at times that this could all be a bad dream. When you called me from OT crying on the other end of the phone. You just said you needed me. I put you on mute and begin to laugh to my bros like this shit gotta be a joke.

It's been 51 days since I seen you last I've been trying to burry my mind in just about anything trying to consume so much so that I wouldn't think about us. I'd been trying to figure out in my mind what I would say to you. What could I say to you I could tell you the truth that life has been difficult. I lost my sense of clarity my peace hope all of these things I possessed on my own that seemed to be enhanced by your presence I still love with all of me whole heartedly I still wear my heart on my sleeve and now that your away from me I found a new sense of peace light love and clarity. My hope still lives in you. I knew you were capable I believed our love wouldn't allow you to do it. I could tell from the look in your eyes that day I blew it. I never imagined the day would come where I lost you. I knew at some point in time that I had you. The wall you built was so tuff to break yet hear I was everyday with a bag of tools. I still don't know if I hurt you. 51 days I used you have this thought that I knew you sooo well it turns out I didn't no amount of time could make you or me see the bond we created was soo deep.

I didn't know how I could make what ever you were going through better for you. When you said the words out of your mouth Kima I need you ! I knew something had to happen but what. You told me what was going on and like a ton of bricks the weight of the world seems to be on my shoulders. I hurt because you hurt 😢. I wanted him to wake up too ! Nobody deserves for their life to be taken from them too many people in the world playing GODS. We talked all night you seemed to relax a little more after each conversation. When you needed me just like Superman I'm your savior.

Later that night ⓑ

Well in this case it had to be the patron. She told me to look for a room. I wanted to so badly say no. Whenever we go down this road it never ends well, your phone was already dead for almost an hour and my phone would die soon. We both looked and looked you told me you knew a place after calling the we drove toward downtown and I'm thinking to myself why am I always in the position with you. I parked your car across the street and you came back to tell me you had the key. As we made our way up in the elevator. I wanted nothing but to finally get some sleep. You took a shower It took everything in my being not to get inside of there with you. Getting out and climbing into bed with nothing but a towel I decided I'd go shower too. While in there you came inside and drew a heart on the glass shower door. As the heart begins to drip downwards I rinse my body off grab a towel and made my way out to the room. I have no idea how long I took in there but when I came out your eyes were closed and you seemed to be asleep. I'm not afraid of the dark anymore and that's all thanks to you. Turning on the small light near me I wrote in my notes and asked myself how could you? I laid down beside you and my body just seemed to have some type of magnetic attraction to you as I climbed in bed and got under the covers. I could feel you move closer to me realizing I had nothing on. You held me closer haven't slept in a bed with you in a while. It wasn't abnormal for me to find comfort in your arms. Early that morning I felt your hand on my thigh as you pushed my legs apart I felt myself dripping for you. My body always reacted this way to you before I'm not surprised. I felt like I could explode just from being touched by you my body was on fire. You rubbed my Clit before sliding one finger then you added another slow and then you kissed and sucked on my neck. I woke up to this. As I felt your lips on mine I couldn’t control myself I let soft moans out. Nobody ever made me feel this way. Maybe I love you … I could feel the way my heart beat as if it would beat out of my Chest. I was almost there. A couple more mins and I might’ve came crazy in that room but your phone rung and you stopped !!! If I had a dick I would have blue balls. Why tf would you tease me that way.

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