#this playlist is so fucking good though. so good. god i love folk music
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Currently "coping" aka listening to my playlist called 'gnashing my teeth at god', crocheting, and drinking an apple flavoured smirnoff ice
#applied for a new job today. we will see how that goes#my brother (who has the job i applied for in a different building than the one the opening is for) said everyone gets an initial interview#the real test is to see if you get a second#who knows man lmao#he was technically underqualified for it but insists that that doesnt matter but i am COMPLETELY unqualified so. lmao#this isnt what im coping with per se but its on the list somewhere#nate.exe#this playlist is so fucking good though. so good. god i love folk music
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Got tagged by @annah-kitathryne to put a Spotify playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs <3 Used my playlist longest playlist which has 982 songs.
tagging @meantaylorsversion, @wanderingoracle, @fallingwaynes, @childofthewargod and @yeahimcal to do the same if you feel like it. idfk. life your best live
under the cut because i like to yap
bad idea! by girl in red
i don't listen to girl in red too often anymore, but i still really love this song. did forget i put it in this playlist, though.
2. How To Never Stop Being Sad by dandelion hands
ouch! have not listened to this since i was going Through It™. i meant to add this one to my depression playlist but i added it to my main one instead and never removed it
3. favorite crime by Olivia Rodrigo
probably my second favorite song from sour. do not have much to say about it, though. it's neat.
4. I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE by Måneskin
i love måneskin soo much it's unhealthy. listened to one of their songs over 200 times in two months and my friend got very concerned to say the least.
5. Itch by Ewy
i recommend ewy's music so much i love them. this isn't my favorite song by them, but it's definitely up there. they released a new album at the start of the month but i have yet to listen to it
6. Breathe by Crawlers
vibe! i don't listen to this band as much as i used to but they make such good music. i thought they were way more popular, because i know at least one of their songs went viral on tiktok, but they don't really have that many monthly streams.
7. drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo
She's back.
8. Figured Out by MALINDA
yeahhHH!!! not my favorite song from her (that title belongs to I miss her and I blame you) but i adore every single one of her songs. she has such a nice voice and oughhh i have been a fan of her for ten years now
9. Let Me Drown by Soundgarden
holy fuck. complete tone shift from the previous song. this playlist is designed to give me insane whiplash and it works every time without fail. i love rock but i do not remember ever listening to this song before in my life.
10. Common Sense by Bug
i fucking love this song and bug and oh my god. bug only has one album under the name just "Bug" but he has a band called Bug Hunter now and i love his music so much. i've talked to bug before and he's such a cool guy. listen to his music pls
Bonus 11. Shady Grove by Nastee Chapel
if any other artist was next i never would've put a bonus song lmao but i love nastee chapel so much and they deserve so many more streams. if you like folk music, check out their album Lost & Found. this is a threat
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MORE. FOR U
Ok ok ok we all collectively will not shut up about how Percy is endeared by Vex's ears, right? well UNO REVERSE CARD! His lil round human ears are so fucking cute to Vex. It's also very funny for her to parse out how sensitive they are vs half-elven or elven ears.
In modern AUs their taste in music seems very different at a glance but meshes SUPER well. Percy is rocking to MCR and anime intros and Fallout Boy and old rock'n'roll (that his dad and Julius loved), Vex is grinding to pop and country, and everyone is like 'surely not' until they pull up to give Pike a ride and are just blasting a Taylor Swift song together (she joins in obviously). Or on a train sharing earbuds and the poor folks the next seats over can hear Monster by Skillet from there and these two are mouthing along and sharing Dramatic Looks.
Trinket keeps bringing cubs home. He's a male bear, bears don't raise cubs in pairs (males don't participate at ALL), but he's a Ranger companion and lives as long as Vex does. And given he's a fit specimen he's probably the sire of a lot of cubs in the area (Vex and the Grey Hunt have got to watch out for inbreeding effects KJTRNHRKN). So every now and then he'll find a hurt or abandoned or sick cub and bring it back, and Vex nurses it back to health (and Dan too), and suddenly they Have Another Bear. Oh Dear. Sometimes Vex and Trinket make a conscious effort to train the cubs to live in the wild and release them a ways away once they're old enough, but the three bears we see in C3 is Only The Beginning.
The first time Percy tried really growing a beard, Vesper made Unhappy Faces when he'd give her kisses and in a fit he shaved it all off. He needed some talking-tos about it. His baby girl was SO upset and it make HIM upset OKAY -
It's advised that guests do not wander the halls of Castle Whitestone alone at night. They assume, naturally, that this is due to Ghosts or Restless Spirits - no the de Rolos are just. like that. Cass would rather everyone avoid the trauma of hearing them having a good time. Also the kids' darkvision means they have shining pupils if light hits them in the dark and someone fell down the stairs once so there's that too.
Percy fucking agonizes over blue now. Getting a gift to match Vex's feather takes up at least 3-12 hours of a given project. At this point he has custom paints mixed for it and will scour stalls and shops for gems of the right turquoise.
He also owns way more fur than he'd expect, because Vex is a ranger and can at least make a decent muffler or trim for mittens or ruff for his winter coat out of some of her more impressive catches. His favorite, though, is a tiny fur thing that's badly worn. Vex insists it's a bird. *it does not look like a bird,* it looks like a pointed rock with two bead eyes. It was the first thing she tried making him and it, well, it didn't come out as she'd expected. He still stims with it often, it practically lives in his pocket - like she was in Pandemonium, when VM were transformed into birds. She says she hates it, but his earnest adoration for this little silly thing she made really makes Vex so damn happy.
OH MY GOD SHE WOULD LOVE HIS EARS,,, HIS LIL ROUNDED EARS,,, SO SOFT N ROUND,,,,,,,, OMG
YOUR MUSIC TASTES FOR THEM ARE SO IN LINE WITH WHAT'S IN MY HEAD NGKJRNGK. vex imo has the most chaotic playlists because there's just one for all of her music. it switches from lizzo to mumford & sons without rhyme nor reason. and they WOULD be taylor swift stans with pike i LOVE THIS. AND GOD,, THE MENTAL IMAGE OF HER AND PERCY DRAMATICALLY LIP-SYNCING LIKE HUGE NERDS..... MY CROPS ARE WATERED. MY SKIN IS CLEAR
THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING NGKJRNKJGNR i simply think vex deserves an entire legion of bears who love her, and many of them on the castle grounds. only the best for the grand mistress of bears. (trinket mimicking vex's adopting behavior is SO CUTE I'M GONNA CRY)
percy upsets his baby One Time and suddenly he must change everything about himself. i love him so much i cannot stand it
NKGJNKJENG the de rolos fuck nasty and it is a burden upon those who think themselves to be fearless... my heart goes out to the unlucky few who dare. ALSO THE FUCKING. QUARTER ELVES. JUST LIKE A BUNCH OF CATS IN THE KITCHEN AT 2AM WHEN YOU WANT A SNACK. IS PERFECTION.
GERKGNERJN percy will do anything to maintain his wife's aesthetic
VEX CRAFTING HIM THINGS...... PERCY KEEPING HER FIRST LIL BAUBLE BECAUSE HE LOVES HER................ STIMMING WITH IT CAUSE IT'S SOFT................................ picturing vex finding out and endeavoring to acquire so many soft things, making him a bunch more knick-knacks once she's better at it, wearing soft clothes, just, oh my GOD she loves him SO MUCH
thank you again for this absolute unfathomable joy, i squeaked out loud at least 3 times, i am full of serotonin once more
#THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT AS BURR WOULD SAY#oh my god you make me want to write so many little things for them#i'm crying. i LOVE THEM VERY MUCH#vex’ahlia#percival de rolo#perc’ahlia#fave#critical role#vox machina#blorbologist
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yoo could i ask for a playlist for a tallulah qsmp fictive mayhaps? she has an insatiable hunger for music it's frightening (/silly) ,, she likes soundtracks (child of light is her current fav), stuff like the oh hellos/cavetown/bears in trees, and generally cozy sorta feeling songs, plus anything lullaby-ey if that makes sense :] hope u guys are well! sorry this is a tad long or vague hhaha -–🔉🌠
hello! Admittedly I rushed this a bit I’m not as sure about these as I was about 🌾🪶 Phil’s but I took a swing we’ll see if I missed later I guess. I tried to include as many artists as possible so you have plenty of people to look through since you said she was a bit insatiable when it came to music! I did phone in the last few songs like the lullaby-eque ones. yeah again this was a bit of a mess on my end. Though I have been writing down songs for this for a while I didn't have an easy time narrowing down things as to what I wanted to include so at this point I've just thrown my hands in the air and declared it done now. Sorry if the playlist is messy or unsatisfactory.
Art used is by @/sallomezz on tumblr and can be found here!
Hope you find something to enjoy on the playlist or in my bonus ramblings below! -phil
okay so I kinda cheated my self imposed rule of one song per artist but in my defense I couldn’t choose between Moonlight and Paperwork… They’re my two favorite Fish in a Birdcage songs and I thought both were kinda fitting so oh well both of them are there.
Anywho I could go on and on and on about how I was this close to fighting myself to the death (<- hyperbolic) over this. Let's just get to other recommendations I didn't put on for one reason or another.
Starting with musicians I put on there but didn't include a song from for whatever reason:
Myxrite! My personal favorite song Now and Again doesn't look like its on Spotify at all so uh yeah I'm linking it here because I like it a lot.
Bug Hunter is on there too but he's currently in the top ten of my favorite musicians so yeah here's more suggestions! Go With The Flow and Listen to Your Mom pretty high up there in terms of my favorite songs. Making Up Words is one of my favorites lyrically (though I must say that Disco in the Panic Room is up there too), and of course I have to mention Try My Best and Slow Burn because I keep using lyrics from them to inspire drawings (that I'll never post anywhere online). Okay fuck I need to move on before I link literally every single one of his songs lol
Same as Bug Hunter, The Narcissist Cookbook is up there in terms of my favorite musician + he put the MOTH album (one of his old ones that wasn't on on youtube yet) on youtube recently so he's been in my head a lot. Ghost Stories and UNWELCOME GUESTS (warning: unwelcome guests starts with a phone ringing noise idk my friends always get surprised by it so I'm just gonna mention it in case) are rahgjagh they are so good they exist in my head rent free
Madilyn Mei has been on loop in my head cause a friend of mine. Anyway Six Legs (tippy tappy toes) and Sleeping in the Kitchen. just live in my brain now because of them lol
The actual recommendations that aren't just more songs from folk on the playlist already:
I Fight Dragons! I fucking love them! Their music tends to have techy/8-bit noises and they're a bit more on the rock side of things but their stuff is really good! Good Morning Sunlight and Oh The Places You'll Go... They are the most <3 to me forever... Sunny Afternoon too... God I love IFD I need to make my friends listen to them with me more
If you like IFD you may also like Jonathan Coulton or the portal song guy as my friends know him lol. Nobody Loves You Like Me or Now I Am an Arsonist or really anything from the Artificial Heart Album is always my go to for showing people besides the songs from Portal (Still Alive and Want You Gone) that my friends know.
Similar to IFD, a lot of Going Spaceward's songs have techy noise in the like proper releases, but his youtube has a lot of acoustic versions of his songs that don't have those. His covers are good but really most of his music is just funky. Uh since I will absolutely not narrow this down in any timely fashion I'm just going to link the entire Can You Hear It Album and uh Count Past 23.
Joseph Dubay is a musician I only got into like a few months ago but I really like his stuff, kinda similar vibes to what i was going for with this playlist but a lot of his songs just didnt fit the vibe so I didn't feel like adding them. That being said I am obliged to tell absolutely everyone I talk about music with to listen to Pastel Goth and 4evr so yeah.
Completely different vibe but San Fermin may be of interest to y'all! Astronaut and The Woods are the ones I listen to most from them but everything about their music just scratches the brain itch for me. Their stuff is indie rock which is kinda in the genres of the bands you mentioned!
A bit of a different suggestion but since you mentioned her liking soundtracks AZALI might be a cool youtube channel to check out! They make short songs in FL Studio and idk I'll be honest I don't listen to soundtracks or things like you mentioned in that part of your ask but I do listen to every upload AZALI makes and I think they're all pretty neat. The songs are all like a minute or two long but I like to just put them on loop when I'm writing. Truth, Violence, Warmth is my go to for writing for this specific project, but Mechanical God was how I found their channel and I'm just fond of City of Shattered Glass so there those three are my suggestions.
#phil posts#sbi asks#playlists#qsmp fictive#tallulah fictive#🔉🌠 anon#somethings might be a bit messed up wrote this while half asleep haha#if anything is messed up I'll fix it when I wake up -phil
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september was not great folks, but we're trying <3
in the saddest realization of the season i discovered that my favorite part of the day is my 40m drive to work because it's chilly and i can see a lot of trees and the morning light and i also am in the perfect headspace to listen to Good Music and it's like when i used to make my morning playlists for opening the coffeeshop except soooo much more enjoyable
been listening to lots of holly humberstone and NF's new album and justin vernon stuff (bon iver, BRM, etc) and unfortunately gracie abrams - there's just something about all these artists being like "I AM THE PROBLEM ITS ME IM SORRY" that just speaks to me! that's not concerning at all!
laura and i talked for like two hours last night and it was like old times and god i really do miss when we'd just ride the same bus home and i could walk to her house ):
i've been trying to make taylor's chai cookies for like a week and i realized i absolutely have time to make them today so i'm trying to buck up the energy to do that in the next two hours before i have to be a person and go to a photoshoot
"good day" by olivia barton
i'm trying to get back into crying in h mart because mom finished reading it and we're supposedly buddy reading it so we can discuss it but i haven't felt like reading all month because i've been depressed...but like damn cancer sucks guys
in other news, i think because i've had such a shitty brain month this september i've almost pushed myself so far that halloween season sounds really fun!!! i'm trying to work through my halloween hate bc i think it's kind of silly and all my friends love halloween so i should love it too! and like i wanna watch spooky movies and be chilly and have FUN! god!
i kinda forgot a vital piece of jennalore which is that when i was a kid my mom's college roommate used to send us frosted sugar cookies shaped like bats every halloween and it was actually kinda the best thing ever? so i'm trying to channel that energy this season
work is batshit insane and i'm so exhausted by it i literally slept for 11hrs on like wednesday night bc i was so tired but also......when we're busy i always feel like i'm actually Doing Something and my bosses are so happy with the work i do so like.....it's good even though it's bad!
therapy has actually been really really good? like it Sucks bc it's therapy and i hate talking about my feelings but my therapist is the sweetest NB person ever and they're always just like "uhhh that's emotional abuse my dude!" and i'm so fucking excited bc at the end of october they're gonna have saturday openings which means i can finally go talk to them in person and not on my lunch break in our tiny break room!!!! at this point i have to pretend like my coworker can't hear everything i say during therapy otherwise i'd go insane so i always leave my sessions being like ......did max hear that i'm aroace and i have depression and i might be neurodivergent??? idk!!!
which speaking of, even though max and i definitely aren't like friends by any sense of the word....we are also just like having a time together! it's wild i see him most out of all the people i know but i think we're both going a little insane from the workload and being Depressed so we just spend all day being kinda wacky and for whatever reason i've reached a point where i stopped having a filter with him so i just start talking about the most random shit and he's cool with it lol
i think i might maybe be a little lonely! idk! i've been struggling to figure out what i need or who to talk to and i generally just want to talk to like two or three of my friends or my gc and everyone's just busy ): but then when i have the chance to talk to anyone and i Sit Down to try to interact bc i know some people are probably around i just get a little overwhelmed idk make it make sense!!!
and i realized i don't have a lot of IRL friends anymore bc a lot of the ones i had from the coffeeshop are Not My Friend and the ones i met on instagram are also Not My Friend and the ones i used to live with are Not My Friend and so my list of people to hang with is teeny tiny and idek what i need or want anymore so it's just my brain screaming .
the most frustrating thing rn is that i know i'm in a bad mental place however i cannot distinguish what i need! but when someone asks me what i need i get this intense panic/dread and i spiral real bad and if anyone tries to be kind to me it makes me feel worse and so it's like....i'm stuck in this stand still where i can't get what i need but i don't know what i need so i just eat cereal, listen to music, and go to bed early!!!
i don't wanna watch anything, i still haven't finished this season of only murders, i need a DVD player bc i want to watch the director's commentary of hill house, there's a bunch of shows and movies coming out soon that i feel overwhelmed by at the moment and it's just like !!! this is all so unfair
and i need to make all these appointments like getting my oil changed and going to the doctor for my annual but i cannot bring myself to do those things but also like should i ask my doctor about medication for depression??? surely it isn't that serious but like maybe it is idk!!!!
the depression isn't as bad as it's been in the past (i think?) like i felt a lot more hopeless in 2017 and i think a lot of that is because i do have a support system and a therapist and a good paying job and things to look forward to but like i'm very aware that many days i do just feel that feeling of "everything is meaningless and nothing will bring me joy ever again" so it's like !!! idk!!!! maybe i'm gaslighting myself into thinking i'm not that bad when in actuality i am!!!
i've just been stuck in that space of middle limbo with all my "diagnoses" that i cannot rationally understand if i'm allowing myself to see myself the way i am? like i always felt like i wasn't depressed enough to be Depressed bc i'm not suicidal but like ??? that's silly !!! maybe i am Depressed!!!!! but i don't even know how to go about getting meds and what they would do and it's almost more overwhelming to think about that than to just be depressed ): bc i still am convinced a lot of it comes down to the heat and the lingering effects of summer
but now i'm thinking about 2021 when it was the bad times and i stopped working on creative stuff or literally any year from 2017-2020 when i just spent the early fall Not Creating and having a crisis that i'd never create again and it's like.............is that bc i'm always depressed around this time? it's comforting bc i know life is seasons and i will come back around to making things and doing my silly projects but it's just sort of making me wonder how it would be different if i tried to find a way to get meds ....like would that Fix Me....would that Solve the Problem....what if it doesn't! what if i'm not depressed enough for that!
(this is all just thoughts, i'm fine, etc, just haven't let myself fully think about the depression this month bc i don't think there's a solution rn i'm just trying to get through it)
anyway, "good day" by olivia barton
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I was tagged by @alwritey-aphrodite to do this, thank you hon!
Favorite time of the year: autumn, ofc! it's the time of year where the weather is bearable, where you can feel the significance and potential in the air like magic, and it's the time of year I feel the most like myself.
Comfort food: grilled cheese has a soft spot to be sure, but also mac n cheese too. and pastas! mm. pizza is good too.
Favorite dessert: apple or pumpkin pie! I'm not big on desserts because I don't have a big sweet tooth but my god I will go to bat for pie. Walmart had NEITHER the last time we were there and I consider this a personal fucking offense.
Things you collect: anything to do with poe dameron tbh, stuff about england, books on the paranormal, and pops!
Favorite drink: irish breakfast tea, water (basic, I know, and we're out of bottled water so I'm suffering bc the Taste Of the Tap Water Isn't Pleasant For My Autism), sweet tea, coca cola (hi space mom), lemonade, HOT COCOA BELOVED I need to get some, and root beer. Also I had some cool blue Gatorade last week and forgot how damn good it is so that too.
Favorite musical artist: florence + the machine, queen, imagine dragons, halsey and taylor swift are probably the ones I have most songs on spotify for. but atm it's definitely f+tm
Last song you listened to: willow tree march by the paper kites (I'm listening to my fall playlist! I'm very soft for this song bc i discovered it the same time I met my current group of friends back in 2017 here in tumblr dot com so it reminds me of all them).
Last movie you watched: multiverse of madness and it was so fucking good, so much better than I was expecting? I like that it felt like a comic book movie and the horror elements of course I ate up. I love that they didn't try to water down the ridiculousness of a comic story to make it more palatable for neurotypical mainstream audiences. It looks, sounds, and is paced like a comic book and I fucking loved it. Let Raimi do more movies!!!!!!!!!!
Last series you watched: *error noises* my memory isn't good. I'm pretty sure it was Moon Knight though because I rewatched The Friendly Type again last weekend because I was sick and needed the comfort lmfao. Last one I watched all the way through was, again, Moon Knight because I rewatched it with my mom (it was her first time watching it). Before that, I watched the first season of only murders in the building :')
Series you’re currently watching: well we were watching s2 of omitb but my folks got tired of it ldndksksl. I might try to finish it but idk yet? Aside from that, I'm still painstakingly making my way through the west wing (Josh Lyman I WILL kick my executive dysfunction for u)
Current obsession: *glances at my blog* I think it's kind of obvious nfjdfhd. Moon Knight is definitely one of my biggest spins right now, alongside Poe and the sequels. I think at this point I have to admit to myself that Oscar Isaac's filmography has slid a little ways from 'hyperfixation' to possible 'spin' as well. That guy's like catnip for the asd crowd and also the asexuals what's up with that.
Dream place to visit: so many places are you kidding? England, New York, New Orleans, and Rome!!
A place you’ve been you want to go back to: there's a comic store about an hour drive away that has sO MANY FUCKING COMICS IT HAS SO MANY BACK ISSUES but we haven't been in absolute y e a rs and honestly I want to go there so badly again and flip through the back issues and maybe find some mk stuff 👀
Something you want: currently a nap because I couldn't sleep last night lmfao. I'd also like to get to read more of seraphina bc I keep. saying I will and getting distracted (same goes with princess and scoundrel), snuggles, and pops of Marc & Steven to put by my bed...my heroes.
Currently working on: is it really fucking cheesy to just say myself? It's been a difficult year of really struggling to process the amount of bad that happened in such a short timespan for me (one of my pets passed away in january, I got and then promptly lost a job bc I was hoh), and the depression hit bad. I'm just a little bit proud of myself for where I am now (standing up for myself more, being more cautious with my energy & time), but I still have more to work on terms of really beginning to move on and find confidence in myself again and accept all the parts of me, even the oddest neurodivergent things about myself.
I tag: the usual mutuals, if they wanna do it <3
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Medicine (h.s.)
You’re finally given permission to cover the song you’ve wanted to perform for years and a special surprise during your performance sweeps you off of your feet.
Word count: 11.5k
Rating/warnings: NSFW - A lot of this is plot but there is smut as well. Contains explicit language and consensual sex acts between a man and woman. This is a story written in the 2nd person (“self insert"). This isn’t written to be exclusionary, it’s just my preferred style! Author’s note can be found at the end!
"Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot thank you enough for coming out tonight to listen to me and the band. We've got a couple more songs coming up for you but I just wanted to take a minute to tell y'all how much we appreciate you." You gesture to yourself and the band behind you as the lights on stage come up a bit. "We wouldn't be where we are without your support. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!"
The crowd cheers and you can't help but experience an insurmountable feeling of joy. It never gets old. You'd been in the spotlight for a few years now, already at the end of touring your second album, though the size and scope of venues this time around was much, much larger. There was nothing that compared to being able to sing your own songs and have a crowd of thousands scream them right back at you.
Being an up-and-coming singer and songwriter in the genre of country music hadn't been easy. Girls your type had been a dime a dozen, hoards of Taylor Swift-wannabes covering "Teardrops on My Guitar" during open mic night. You held nothing against them; there was a path to success for everyone, but yours had been, well, different.
It was a karaoke cover of Brooks & Dunn's "Boot Scootin' Boogie", a song that you'd been singing since you were a toddler, that had gotten you noticed by a recording artist one night while out with your girlfriends, which led you to where you stand now, performing in front of thousands. You were liked for the range of your voice, with it's easy easy transitions from the sounds of pop to country and rock, in addition to the way you performed, and your take-no-shit attitude towards the entirety of the industry. People liked that you were forward and left nothing on the table, though you had to admit that it was mostly an act, a means of coping with the pressure of working your way to the top.
///
"It's refreshing!" Jax, your manager, had shouted one day, arms flailing as you had argued that maybe your attitude was going to get you into trouble one of these days.
"Aren't you, as, you know, my manager, supposed to be the one keeps me in line?"
"You aren't out doing coke, killing anyone, public indecency and all that," he had shrugged. "Far as I'm concerned, you are in line. People talk about you because of your attitude. They like it! They like you. Why is that so hard for you to accept sometimes?"
"Maybe I just haven't been caught doing those things," you grinned, effectively dodging his question. Fame hadn't helped break down the walls that you'd long ago built around yourself. If anything, you had done some reinforcing, built a moat even, in an effort to ensure that you protected yourself from getting too close to anyone that would only end up using you in the end. You had seen the way people in life had been used, and what it ultimately led them to, and you had promised yourself long ago that even if it meant being known as the Boot Scootin' Bitch, you would protect yourself and your heart at all costs.
"Your momma would tan your hide for much less than any of those, you know. Hell, you should be more afraid of her than you are of me or anyone else… 'cept maybe God."
///
You shake your head, working the memories free from your mind as you grab a bottle of water from the platform on which the drum set rests.
There's one more song of yours to sing before you performed a new cover, the one you had been looking forward to for months. Although you'd gotten permission to perform it not long into the start of your tour, the set list had been rehearsed already and every other detail ironed out around it. You'd convinced Jax and the crew to let you slot it into the last concert of the tour, Austin, Texas. These folks knew their music and for some reason, they liked you so you were thrilled to be able to share something new with the crowd that had welcomed you to their city with open arms.
You grab your guitar off its stand and slide the strap over your shoulders, adjusting it as you step forwards to the mic stand. A shimmering blue shirt catches your eye in the crowd and you do a double take because surely it can't be Harry because he's—
And it's not him, of course, though the fashion of the gentleman in the pit area would surely catch his eye as well as it's right up his alley. It's not him - it can't be him - because you know exactly where he is right now and it's not in the pit of your Austin performance.
A grin stretches over your face as you think of him. You strum the first chord of the first song you'd ever written about him, although there had been many more since. He probably knew this one was about him, having come just after your first meeting.
///
A friend of yours was good friends with Kacey, who had been the guest artist that night. Her name had been added to the VIP list and in the summer of 2018, just as you were hitting your own stride in your career, you tagged along with her to Harry Styles' live tour performance in your hometown of Nashville.
If you were being honest, prior to his concert, you hadn't heard much of his solo work, apart from the various huge hits like his Kiwi or Watermelon Sugar and a few other ballads. You liked his sound, seemingly influenced heavily by rock stars of days past, but you'd had other influences to worry about in your own side of the industry.
Sure, he had country music connections through the likes of Kacey Musgraves and Cam, and legends like Stevie Nicks, but his pop and soft rock style was pretty far removed from most country playlists that you yourself had graced. Your genres just didn't cross paths and the two of you seemingly operated in different realms of the music industry, topping your own charts and breaking your own peer's records.
Of course, you hadn't been completely oblivious to The Harry Styles. One Direction had been too big of a deal to ignore and you'd often found yourself bopping along to their old hits, singing along as they played amongst the other nostalgic pop hits to which you listened.
The concert had been in June, a hot sunny day followed by a perfect breezy evening. Downtown Nashville was always busy, but that night the city seemed to buzz, bright with music and life. After meeting for drinks at Acme on the River, you allowed yourself to luxuriate in getting lost in the crowd that milled about on Broadway. It was a surprising thing to not be recognized in your hometown, but you weren't one to complain about it. It was one reason that you value your time in Nashville over other music-centric cities like Los Angeles - it seemed that people here respected the private lives of musicians. There was an odd fan here and there, but you'd lived a majority of your "famous" life in Nashville in relative peace.
You were early to the venue, your friend having wanted to have a chance to see Kacey backstage. You were excited to finally meet the star - though you'd been around the block of fame a bit already, there would always be people that you never had an opportunity to meet in passing. You had been greeted at will call and had been led backstage.
The arena was alive with excitement. At that point, you yourself had never toured a venue that large, so the experience of being backstage and seeing the operations first hand were thrilling and a bit overwhelming. In her dressing room, Kacey pulled you straight into a hug, gushing about how excited she was to watch your career take off. She insisted on sharing her personal cell phone number with you, urging you to call her to get together on a collaboration. You were in shock leaving her room, blown away by her kindness and the way the music industry worked in the most bizarre of ways, when you turned a corner and ran smack into a tall, solid, smiling Harry Styles. His arms had come out quickly to steady you on your heels boots.
"Fuck," you swore, shaking your head at your clumsiness. "I am so sorry. What a great way to introduce myself."
He laughed and the sound flowed through you, warm and sweet like a cup of tea with honey. "Y'alright?" His eyes looked you over, and you couldn't help but notice the way they lingered.
Your cheeks blushed and a wave of embarrassment washed over you. "I'm the one that should be asking you that. I don't think your adoring fans would be very happy if I took you out with a textbook tackle right before you're due to go on stage." You took a moment to give him the same appreciative glance he had already given you, admiring the way his deep blue custom-beaded suit jacket fell open to reveal a black dress shirt, unbuttoned halfway down his chest.
"Ah, 'm fine. Lil' thing like you couldn't do too much damage to me, even in those heels. Don't think they'd be very happy though," he said, nodding his head in acknowledgement of the already-rowdy crowd while offering his hand. "I'm Harry."
You laughed as you introduced yourself, shaking his hand.
"I've heard that name before, but I'm sorry to say that I don't recognize you. You don't seem like one that's easy to forget."
"I sing, write music," you shrugged, not sure how to explain to a superstar that you were on the way up, yet still somewhere much farther down the fame totem pole than him. "Country, mostly. Not sure if that's on your radar."
"The new stuff's not, but I may have to change that." He was tapped by one of the event producers, needed for another pre-show procedure. "Where will you be tonight?"
"To your right, in the pit."
He smiled and you had almost immediately fallen in love with the crinkles that appeared under the corners of his eyes. "I'll look out for you. It was wonderful meeting you. Oh, shit, wait, just remembered— may I?" he gestured for the phone that was in your hand and you unlocked it before passing it to him.
You watched as he dialed a number and put the phone to his ear. He paused for a moment before he grinned. "Hi Harry, it's you from before the show. This is a message to remind you to text this number and ask the owner of it out on a date. She's the one with the beautiful smile and great tackling skills. You won"t have forgotten her. 'Kay, bye!"
You laughed at an almost embarrassing volume, blown away by his cheek.
"Why not ask 'her' out now?" you pondered to him as he handed the phone back.
"What, and risk getting shot down? Wouldn't want to be sad and disappointed through my whole show, now would I?"
"It would make the ballads a bit more emotional," you had reasoned with a grin.
"Ouch! They're already filled with emotion, love. You'll see, I'll sing 'em right to you if I have to. Gotta run, thank you for letting me use your phone, that was a very important message!"
You laughed again as he took off. "Harry!" you had shouted to get his attention in the busy hall. He turned quickly, a small smile on his face. "She definitely won't say no, but you can wait until later to ask if you want to."
His grin stretched wider and he'd pumped a fist in the air before turning and jogging down the hallway.
You liked to joke with anyone who knew the story that your life had changed that day all because you met Kacey. Which wasn't a complete lie - it had been her dressing room you'd come out of before slamming into Harry in the hallway.
///
Singing the last lines of one of your songs, your stomach began to flutter in a bit of nervousness and a lot of excitement. Performing the next cover was something you had been looking forward to for months, and the moment that you got to share it with your fans was finally here.
You retreat from the mic stand to pass your guitar off to a stagehand, taking another sip of water to settle yourself.
"Doing alright?" Wyatt, your drummer, shouts over the pounding bass drum and you give him a thumbs up before turning back to face the crowd.
"I've got one more cover to play for y'all tonight," you say, grasping the mic stand to keep your hands from shaking. "I've been working on getting permission to play this one for quite awhile now. I fell in love with it the first time I heard it played and now here I am, performing it for you all. It's an unreleased piece by a very, very good friend of mine, but his performances of it are all over the internet so some of you may know the words. This song is called Medicine."
The song starts out with a steady bass line and the rhythm centers you a bit, steadying any nerves that still linger. The intro gives you a minute to shake out your shoulders and get comfortable at the mic stand once more like Harry does at each performance. You catch yourself having fun mimicking him and feel thankful that you're able to perform one of your favorite songs of his. When the bass drops in pitch and the electric guitar riffs, you slide in close to the mic stand.
"Here to take my medicine, take my medicine," you sang the opening lines, already settling into the sexy rock sound of the song you and the band had rehearsed relentlessly over the last few weeks. No, the genre wasn't one you normally dabbled in, but part of the fun of performing was taking chances, risks. You had to admit, you liked the sound a lot. It tempted you to branch out a bit more on your upcoming album.
The opening lines of the first verse throw you back into thoughts of meeting Harry that first night. You hadn't imagined what would follow the concert, let alone have the foresight to see it bringing you to this very moment in time.
///
You had been standing outside the arena after the concert, ears buzzing and heart thumping still from the incredible show Harry had put on. As soon as he disappeared from the backstage hall earlier, you had immediately saved his number to your phone, still in disbelief over the night's events.
Your heart had soared when your phone began to vibrate, not in a text message but in a voice call. Harry's name appeared on the screen and your friend had nudged you, clearly approving of the night's turn of events.
"Harry," you answered, ready to praise him halfway to Sunday on his performance.
"Let me take you out," he interrupted you. "Right now. Please? Anywhere you want to go."
You laughed and paused. "Yeah, okay. I might know of a place."
There was a lot of shuffling on his end before his voice came back on the line. "Might've had to do another fist pump."
"Told you she wouldn't say no."
"Where are you?" You heard the smile in his voice, already familiar with it.
"Demonbreun and John Lewis, headed towards the park."
"Give me 10, I'll pick you up." He paused. "Be careful, okay?"
"I'll stick with the hoards of your fans milling about, maybe ask some of them for the hot gossip on you while I wait."
"Don't believe anything they say," he said, and you could tell he was still smiling as he hung up.
He and his driver arrived shortly after, Harry's hair damp and covered with a baseball cap, dressed down in black pants and a simple loose white shirt, tattoos peeking out everywhere you looked. He exited the car and opened the back door for you, helping you balance as you stepped up into the large Suburban.
"We'll go to Pecker's," you said to his driver, laughing as Harry snorted next to you. "Shut up, it's just a bar. Take a right up here onto 24 and it'll take us all the way to Fairfield. It'll be on the right."
He looked at you and smiled before reaching out to hold your hand in the middle seat between you.
Taking Harry to Pecker's had just felt right. It was where you'd been discovered, where all of your adventures had started, and you weren't sure why but you wanted to share that small part of you with him after watching him up on stage that night.
"Won't people recognize you? I looked you up before the show, you're apparently a pretty big deal around here." He had asked, smirking, sipping on the locally-brewed beer that Clint, the regular bartender, was serving that night.
"Locals are pretty good about not interrupting our normal lives. Pecker's isn't as well known to tourists either, so it's a good hideout. This is where a lot of producers, executives and all the other professionals come to unwind." You ignored his comment on your fame and had taken a sip of your margarita instead. "Unless, of course, there's a drag show scheduled, then it's a bit of a madhouse."
Harry laughs into his drink and you grin. "So," he started after a pause, twiddling with the rings on his right hand. "What'd you think?"
"It was incredible," you said without hesitation. "Truly one of the best live shows I've seen in a long time, country acts included. You've got such a magnetism about you that people can't help but want to watch." You blushed a bit, alcohol and the quick comfort of him loosening your lips. "The whole water spraying trick was hot," you admit, making him blush. "And don't tell Stevie, but I think I might prefer your version of The Chain."
"Sacrilege! That's some incredibly high praise," he said, a small smile teasing at the corners of his mouth.
"Earned and deserved," you said, tilting your glass to his. "Honestly, Harry, you're an incredible musician. There aren't many out there that have the whole package like that."
"What about you? You seem like the whole package."
"I don't know if I'd say that. If you looked me up, you've likely seen what they say about me. 'My attitude won't get me far' and all. But I don't think it's my attitude, so much as it is my willingness to take the risks that others won't. I'm not out here to make music that's just there to be sold. Hell, I couldn't care less about the money. All I want is to create music that makes me feel fulfilled, and I think that honesty scares them." You twirled your finger in the condensation of the glass in front of you. You glanced up to his face finding his eyes already on yours, holding your gaze steadily. "It doesn't scare you, does it?"
"It's the most refreshing thing I've heard in a while. Not many people in the industry are fearless in the face of failure like that."
"I'm definitely not fearless; I just refuse to change who I am to make a buck."
"Who are you then?" Harry had asked, and telling him your story was easy. You couldn't understand how it was so natural, opening up to a stranger, but as the conversation wore on, you realized how similar you and Harry were in terms of the way you conducted your professional lives and that was without apology.
And you also realized, as the evening continued and you and Harry crept your bar stools closer and closer to one another, feet and knees bumping, his fingers tracing the ridges of your knuckles as you shared life stories like long lost friends, that you didn't want it to end.
///
"He's acting like a gentleman," you continue, changing up the lyrics slightly as you finish the first verse. The line always made you smile and you let yourself briefly flash back into your reminiscing about the night you'd met Harry, and how, even though he had acted gentlemanly upon dropping you off for the evening, you wanted to be anything but a gentlewoman.
///
After enjoying drinks late into the evening at Pecker's, Harry had insisted on having his driver take you home rather than allowing you to call an Uber.
"Such a gentleman," you commented as he opened the car door for you once again.
"Maybe my gentlemanly actions have motives," he said, sliding his hand along your lower back as you step past him and into the car. Your grin matched his smirk as he shut the door and you decided that he'd been right - not calling an Uber was the right thing to do.
The car ride back to your apartment building was too quick and before you knew it, he was at your door again, offering a hand for you to hold for balance as you exited the car. Neither of you let go as you walked through the lobby towards the elevators.
"You're uh— You're welcome to come up, if you'd like," you said, suddenly shy but not wanting to chicken out on asking for what you wanted, asking for some continuation of this sweet but likely brief meeting between you two. "For a drink, I mean, or to keep chatting, you know."
Harry smiled and glanced around the empty lobby. His hand in yours smoothed up the length of your arm, over your shoulder, and came to rest at your jaw. "I'd love to, believe me. You have no idea how much I want to." He leaned towards you, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead and your skin burned at the contact of his lips. "But I want to do this the right way. Don't want you to get the wrong idea of me."
"What if I want the wrong idea of you?"
He laughed, the sound open and honest and it had given you hope. "You called me a gentleman earlier and I have to admit that I liked it, coming from you. Would like to keep up the facade that I am, even if it's just for a bit." His face searched yours, each of you trying to read the thoughts that were flying through one another's minds. "You have beautiful lips," he whispered suddenly, his accent thicker than it had been all night.
Your mouth quirked into a smile, unable to do anything but preen at his compliment. "You do too," you replied, just as softly.
"Can I kiss you?"
"Please, yes." Before the words had settled he was kissing you, slowly and with too much care, like you would break if he wasn't gentle enough. It was over much too quick but you knew you would remember every moment of it for the rest of your life.
"Christ, I'd wanted to do that all night." His thumb smoothed over your cheekbone, smiling when you leaned into the touch. He glanced up as the elevator doors swung open and gently nudged you towards them. "Thank you, truly, for a wonderful evening. I promise to give you a call soon."
"I'll send Kacey after you if you don't!" you laughed, stepping into the lift.
"Good night darling." He winked and the doors slid shut, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the delicious ghost of his lips on yours.
///
"Give me that adrenaline, that adrenaline, think I'm gonna stick with you," you finish the first verse as Ryann rips through the chords on her guitar. You loved that the song built slowly, and even though that meant a quieter beginning, it promised an explosive end.
Though the crowd had been hesitant at first, you can see that the first few rows of them are nodding along, countless phones out recording the performance. You know that somewhere out there at your request is a member of your press team, professionally filming the cover. You may only be doing it once, but you were determined to make sure you would never forget it.
///
You had enough time at home to check some of your social media accounts, shower and get comfortable in bed before your phone rang again. For the second time that day, your heart soared seeing Harry's name light up your screen.
"If you're going to say that you're downstairs because you've reconsidered my offer for that nightcap, I'll need a few moments to prepare as I'm currently in my pajamas," you said as a greeting and you were met with his warm laughter once again.
"No, no, I had to go back to the arena for a bit anyways, pack up and all of that," he said, still chuckling. "I just— I wanted to make sure you weren't offended by me declining your offer. Because I wanted to— I didn't want the night to end there. There's something about you that's… Transfixing. And I don't want to ruin that and make you think you're just a fling."
"That's quite a compliment," you said, a bit awed by his words.
"What was it you said earlier, "earned and deserved", yeah?" He said, quoting your toast to him at the bar, making you grin. "I want you to be more than that. I'd like to get to know you, the gentlemanly way."
"Okay. Will we have a chaperone at our next date then?" He laughed but didn't correct your referral to that evening as a date. You had snuggled a bit deeper into the sheets, still disbelieving that all of this had been the result of being dragged along to a concert.
"No chaperones," he chuckled, "but yes, I do want to take you out again, if you'd let me."
"Hmm," you jokingly pondered aloud, as if answering with anything other than a resounding "yes" was on your mind. "I suppose I could fit something into my schedule."
"I hope that's a yes."
"Of course it's a yes! I didn't want the night to end either. And don't you dare say that you just did another fist pump," you had laughed, hearing the familiar shuffling of the phone on his end of the line.
"Me? Never!"
"You're adorable," you had said, a smile stuck on your face.
"And you're beautiful. Two can play this game."
There had been a comforting silence between you for a moment before you had spoken up again. "Harry?"
"Yeah, love?"
You had blushed at the pet name but loved the way it sounded being directed your way. "Thank you," you had whispered.
"Should be me thanking you. Sleep well sweetheart." You'd fallen asleep with your phone in hand, hopeful that you wouldn't wake up the next morning to realize it had all been a dream.
///
It hadn't been a dream, and here you were, nearly two years later, performing one of the songs that Harry himself had sung the night that you'd begun falling for him.
The second verse continued quickly and you let the lyrics wash over you as you sang, loving the way the rock energy of the song sounded with a bit of your band's country influence.
"Here to take my medicine, take my medicine, rest it on your fingertips," you sang, holding your pointer finger in the air much like Harry did every time he performed the song before bringing it to your lips as you sang the next line. "Up to your mouth, feeling it out, feeling it out."
///
Beginning to date Harry - properly date him too, not just make FaceTime calls to one another from across the world and sending texts back and forth until the wee hours of the morning thanks to the differences in time zones, sharing everything and more with one another as best you could digitally - had been the most exhilarating experience of your life, and you had performed in front of sold out crowds and accepted awards on live television. His tour was due to stretch on for almost another month throughout North America and the next time you saw him was when you'd been invited as Harry's guest to his show in Chicago just a few weeks after you'd met.
While he had put on an incredible show for the United Center, there had been moments that felt like he was performing just for you, glancing over to where you stood in the Friends and Family area, meeting your eyes and grinning. By that point, you could sing along to every song of his and you knew he loved it, loved watching you dance along to the music that he had created and was performing.
In a moment where you were thankful for the differences between the genres in which you two performed, you hadn't been recognized at all by his fans. You'd both talked about wanting to keep things quiet as you got to know one another, and you hadn't wanted a relationship with him, an already incredibly famous artist, to somehow influence the trajectory of yours. While it had been easy when you were apart, being together without seemingly being together was difficult. Especially in that moment, when all you wanted to do was curl up into him and soak in the post-show bliss with him. Instead, you sat on the couch with him, a cushion apart from one another, holding his hand tightly while you chatted about the concert.
"Someone is gonna notice that you looked to my side of the pit constantly all night," you said and he grinned guiltily.
"I like knowing you're in the crowd," he shrugged. "Besides," he scooted closer and threw his arm around you before dragging you in close, "you look incredible, how could I not want to stare at you all night?"
"Anyone could walk in," you pointed out, watching as his eyes followed your lips.
"Just want a little taste," he said, moving in closer, "Haven't I earned a kiss from my girlfriend after all of that work up on stage?"
Your eyebrows raised in surprise as you looked at him and he seemingly realized his slip-up.
"I mean— What I meant was— Shit," he scrubbed a hand over his face but you could tell he was hiding a grin. "Wasn't exactly how I wanted to ask you, but… Will you officially be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, H. I'm all yours."
"Love it when you call me H." He pulled you in for a kiss that you both lost yourselves in, finally able to experience the feeling of one another after being denied it for so long. When a knock at the dressing room door came, Harry had to all but drag himself away from you, hair disheveled and lips swollen, scowling at the door.
You threw your head back and laughed as he stalked over and pulled it open with a flourish.
"What?"
"The hell's your issue?" you heard Mitch ask before Harry widened the door so he could see you laughing on the couch. You raised a hand in greeting and Harry's scowl deepened as Mitch chuckled, taking in both of your disheveled appearances. "Oh, shit, hey, sorry. Uh, car's ready when you are. See you tomorrow bud."
"Harry!" you chided once he'd closed the door in Mitch's face, giggles still bubbling out of your mouth. "He was just being polite."
"Interrupting arse is what he is," Harry said, sitting down and pulling you into his lap. "Where were we?"
You threw your arms around his neck and pressed your body as close to his as possible, hoping that he'd thought to lock the door before returning to your embrace. "Right about here, I think." With a hand on your hip, sliding under your shirt to reach warm skin and one at the back of your neck, Harry kissed you until you were breathless and not only wanting more but very seriously needing it.
"Come back to the hotel with me," he murmured against your lips as you ground your body down on him, reveling in the way the action made him throw his head against the back of the couch and exhale sharply.
"You sure?" Your hands smoothed over the chest of his skin, tracing the dark swallows with your fingertips as you rolled your hips.
He shuddered at the light touch and gripped your hips tightly, pressing his up as you pressed yours down and the action made you sigh, the pressure a delicious tease of what was hopefully to come. "Absolutely," he said, his grin telling you he was pleased with the noises he was causing you to make. "Want you so bad, like I won't be able to breathe right until I properly have you."
You leaned in to kiss at his neck, his shower-damp curls tickling your cheek. "The feeling is mutual. Adored watching you up on stage tonight. Have I told you yet how much I love seeing you perform?" You nuzzle at his neck, urging him to tilt his head back farther, exposing more of his skin to you.
"Yeah, you have, but tell me again," he sighed, his hands running up and down your back.
"It's like when you get on stage no one else before or after you matters," you said honestly, letting your lips against his skin hide how truthful you were really being, spilling all of your thoughts about seeing Harry up on stage. It was scary, feeling so deeply for him already. But you wanted him to know, at least in part, what it meant to be able to watch him perform. "Something about your live voice just makes my breath catch in my throat, I can't get enough of it."
Harry breathed deeply for a moment, working to center himself while you nosed at the curls around his ear and heaped praise upon him.
"It's like you connect with every person out in the crowd, like you're singing just for them. You can tell that you're having fun and people want to join you in that. They know you love the attention," you whispered and he hummed in appreciation (or agreement), the sound low in his throat. "They'd stay out there all night for if they could, screaming about how much they love you."
"And you feed into it, playing it up for them. You know exactly what you're doing when you get to act a little bit naughty up there, driving them all mad," you said with a smile.
He chuckled and you could hear and feel the sound rumble through him. "Played it up for you tonight. Did it work?"
"You mean did it make me want to jump your bones the second you came off stage? Yeah, it worked."
"Fucking hell," he said, holding you close with his hands on your butt as he stood up. "Our first time is not going to be in a dressing room so we need to go now."
He let you slide down his body and held you steady as you balanced on your legs. "Would be pretty fitting though, don't you think, given how we met and what we do?"
"Yeah, but then I'd think about it every time I was in one. You wanna torture me relentlessly?" He pulled you tight against him, kissing you once more before separating to grab his bags.
"Yeah, relentless torture sounds like something I might be into."
He glanced up at your words, eyes dark and hungry, a smirk on his lips. "Careful what you wish for, love."
///
The bass line increased behind the riff of Ryann's guitar and you leaned into the mic stand, eyes closing as you continued singing the first bridge. "I had a few, got drunk on you and now I'm wasted, and when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you…"
There were a few fans of yours and Harry's who apparently knew the words as they helped you out, screaming the unwritten word that finished the sentence: "tasted."
///
Harry was quick to say goodbye to everyone on the team before pulling you quickly through back hallways and down quiet staircases, sneaking quick kisses when he was sure there was no one around. You were both out of breath when you finally climbed into the car, grinning like kids getting away with sneaking around.
The hotel ride was quick, mercifully, but Harry had been anything but patient, his hand at your knee creeping up slowly, closer and closer to the hem of your dress, toying with the hem while he chatted with the driver.
"I'm gonna head in first with Martin and Eric will loop around and drop you off at the side entrance. I would wait in the lobby for you but this hotel hasn't been the best in the past with uh— containing sensitive information, we'll say, so Martin will meet you on your floor to get your stuff, then bring you up. Is that okay?"
"You sound like you've done this before, Styles," you said with a wink, using humor to cover the nerves that had settled in the pit of your stomach.
He blushed and you loved knowing you got under his skin so easily. "The band used to stay here when we toured… and I was young and dumb once, yes."
"Just giving you a hard time, H."
His grin stretched as he leaned over to peck your lips once more. "See you in a minute, love."
Harry climbed out and the driver took off once again, slowly circling the block. "He's quite taken with you, you know," he said, glancing up in the rear view mirror as he parked the car at the curb. He got out and opened the door for you in the empty street then used his keycard to unlock the heavy side door of the hotel.
"Thank you," you said, both for his actions and his omission about Harry. Sure, you had talked to him as often as possible over the last weeks and had yourself been on the receiving end of his attention, but it felt validating to hear that Harry's feelings for you may have gone a bit farther than just a small crush if people around him had also noticed his behavior.
Harry's bodyguard was waiting by the elevators and escorted you to your room to gather your luggage, then led you to Harry's door.
"Car'll be around about 9 tomorrow morning, H. Flight's at 10:30." He turned to you. "I understand you have business to continue here in Chicago?"
"Yes, meetings tomorrow and then I fly back to Nashville in the evening."
"There'll be a driver ready for you tomorrow as well. He's been instructed to take you wherever you need to go and he'll stay until you depart. Have a nice evening," he nodded at Harry, who was smiling in the doorway, before departing.
"You didn't have to do that for me, I could've managed by getting an Uber," you said, stepping into the room past Harry to set your bags down and kick your shoes off.
"I didn't, was Martin's idea; says he doesn't want anything to happen to the one thing that's made me so happy these last few weeks."
"Oh yeah? I'm the one thing, huh?"
"You're everything, honestly," he replied a bit sheepishly, taking your hands in his. "Think I might like you a bit more than I already should. Lettin' my heart get a bit ahead of my head, I suppose."
"Yeah, I know the feeling," you said softly and he beamed.
He moved his hands up to cup your face, pulling you close for a sweet kiss that quickly turned insistent, heat rising between the two of you. Harry slid his hands under the hem of your shirt to rest where your spin ended and yours wrapped around his neck, dragging him down to you as you stepped behind you towards the bed. His long legs tangled with yours and you tumbled backwards, laughing as you hit the plush bed and Harry collapsed on top of you.
He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at you with a smile, pushing the hair that had fallen into your face aside. "Hi baby," he said softly.
"Hi."
"Missed you," he said, leaning down for another sweet kiss.
"We were apart for like, eight minutes," you giggled between his kisses, your laughter giving way to a sigh as he moved to press a kiss to your nose, your cheek, your chin.
"Doesn't matter," he breathed into the crook of your neck, pressing small open mouth kisses to the soft skin there, "Any time apart is too long."
"The two weeks left of the tour will fly by. You should enjoy them while you can."
"Wish you could come with me, love performing for you." He kissed his way across the base of your neck, collarbone to collarbone as his fingers trailed to the small straps on your shoulders. "Would you like to take this off?"
"Please," you sighed, desperate and aching for the feeling of his skin against yours.
Your first time sleeping with Harry had been exactly what you'd wanted and expected - hot and fast, admittedly over a bit more quickly than either of you had wanted, but worth the weeks of wait.
Harry's skill set hadn't ended at singing and playing instruments. If anything, his vast experience using his hands and mouth only helped him excel in other pastimes that also utilized those parts of his body. To both of your delights, he had proven his adeptness in all areas multiple times that night, and once again in the morning before he had to rush into the shower, dragging you along with him simply to get more time together before you were forced apart once again.
///
You had spent the next two months away from one another, Harry having wrapped his tour and immediately beginning work on his next album. You'd spent your own time mixed between writing and recording an upcoming single. You had already written a handful of songs that were inspired by him and you'd wondered, albeit a bit nervously, if the sentiment was shared. When he stopped in Nashville on a long layover, pushing his flight back even longer to stay with you for another night, you'd tried to pry the information out of him. Unfortunately, no amount of sexual teasing or denial had convinced him — he, however, had you singing like a canary almost immediately, teasing you in the best way about how easily you opened up for him, telling him all about the music that he had already inspired.
You had been FaceTiming him late one night weeks later, both tired from long days spent in the studio. He had suddenly gotten shy, biting at the skin around his fingernails.
"Hey, stop that. What's the matter H?"
"Wanna ask you something," he mumbled, but a smile was peeking through where his fingers were still at his lips. "Jus' don't know how to."
"Baby," you sighed, "you can ask me anything. Y'know that."
"I know, I know." He paused and took a deep breath before a wide smile stretched across his face. "Would you maybe want to come home with me this Christmas? To London? Wouldn't be for long, maybe just a couple nights, I just wanna introduce you to my mum already, she's been pestering me nonstop lately 'bout meetin' you and Gem's joined in on it now too, so it's two against one when they call and I've told them that—"
"Harry," you said chucking, trying to interrupt his nervous rambling.
"—and she actually called me Harold last time she told me to bring you 'round and that got me a bit worried so I—"
"Harry! Of course I'll come with you. I'd absolutely love to."
You met him at the airport weeks later, desperate to pull him close and kiss him silly in the confines of his darkly tinted car, but you refrained, knowing how seriously Harry took the protection of your relationship from the press. You may not have been able to see anyone straining to capture pictures of you two, but you knew there was always the chance.
It was an entirely different story, however, when he'd finally pulled the car past the mechanical gate and into his private drive. You both reached for each other immediately, arms tangled and shifter knob pressed uncomfortably against your side, but perfectly content so long as his lips were against yours.
"Fuck— I missed you— so much," he muttered between kisses. He pulled away, forehead resting against yours, sly smirk pulling at his lips. "Mum won't expect us for a few hours at least."
"What is it that you're insinuating, Mr. Styles?"
"That there's plenty of time to give you a tour around the house, that's all," he said innocently. He gave you a sweet smile before hopping out of the car and coming to the passenger side where he helped you out and picked up your bags.
You were eager to be given a house tour, more than keen to learn all of the things you could about his London life. The house was decorated in a way that made you smile - eclectic but with a definitive air of cohesive taste. It suited Harry to an absolute tee. From the artwork that decorated the walls to the mismatched but homey furniture, you could tell immediately that this was Harry's sanctuary - every inch of the home screamed his name.
"It's incredible," you said as he led you into the largest room, the master. He walked over to the dresser that sat under the window and pulled open the top two drawers.
"I know we won't be here long, this time around, but I cleaned out a few drawers for you here, if you want to unpack some things. And there's space in the closet for you too," he nodded towards the door on the other side of the room, dragging a hand through his hair as he talked, "I had too much in there anyways and some of it needed to go and I wanted you to be able to leave some things, if you felt comfortable, of if Mum drags us out shopping and you don't want to take it all home now you can leave it here and-"
"You- you cleared out a drawer for me?"
"Well, yeah," he said, resting his hand on the back of his neck. "Made some space for you in the bathroom too, though I doubt it'll be enough, with all that you bring along to fix yourself up." He paused and thought for a moment. "I know how our lives are. I just wanted you to have some of your own space here; want you to feel as comfortable in my home as I do. Is that too much?"
"H," you said with a sigh, your lips curling into a smile, "it's perfect, and so thoughtful. I'm sorry I haven't done the same for you in Nashville yet."
"'s alright, love. I've already got a toothbrush there at least. I can take some time when we fly back to come and help if you'd like me to. As long as you don't end up wearing all the clothes that I leave there," he chuckled.
"You know me too well," you said, reaching for his hand. He lifted your entwined fingers to his lips to brush a kiss over your knuckles.
"You do look good in my clothes," he confessed, pulling you close to face him. "Look good in my house. But you always look good anyways."
"Said the pot to the kettle," you said with a smile. "I like being here already," you shrug, hands resting on his shoulders. "It feels like you, like home. Thank you for inviting me," you add, as though the measly voicing of your appreciation is enough to convey what you truly feel.
"You're welcome anytime, if I'm here or not."
"You trust me that much?"
"Yeah, I do. I'll get you a key and everything." He leaned down to kiss you slowly, relearning the map of your lips and mouth, before pulling away. He laughed when you made a noise of protest.
"The bathroom's over here if you'd like to freshen up." He had pulled at your hand, stepping towards the other open door in the room. "Figured a shower might sound nice after a long day in an airplane. Besides, I've gotta clean up before we go to Mum's anyways."
"Gonna join me?"
"Yeah, thought I might, if that's okay." His smirk had been wicked as he pushed you the rest of the way into the bathroom. He dropped your hand to reach for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head quickly. As he reached for the buckle of his pants, he had met your staring eyes. "See something you like, love?"
You definitely had, though you didn't think your attraction — physically or emotionally — for Harry had stopped at something that was as weak as "like." Getting to know him over the last six months had made you worry that there wasn't ever going to be anyone else like him, anyone that made you feel like he did. You had fallen for him, desperately hard, and the realization of it as you stood in front of his half-naked self almost embarrassed you.
"Babe? You alright?" he asked as he stripped down to his boxers.
"Yeah, you just got me all distracted," you had grinned, pulling your sweatshirt and remaining clothes off quickly before joining Harry under the warm spray of the water.
Meeting Harry's mom that evening went better than you could've ever dreamt it would. The two of you got on like old friends, and Harry had stared, almost in wonder, at how easily you seemed to bond with her. And then he had stared in horror as Anne offered to pull out the photo albums filled with pictures from Harry's childhood, particularly when Anne offered up the album filled with photos from Harry's and Gemma's emo phases.
As the evening wore on, you caught Harry on more than one occasion glancing your way, cheeks bright from the red wine he was sipping on and eyes warmly reflecting the bright Christmas lights. He always looked like he was a split second away from saying something, only to shake his head and look away with a small smile.
Later, in bed, Harry pulled you close to him. He was laying on his back, you on your side, and you threw a leg over his waist, soaking in all of the cuddles you could get on this short trip together. The room was only illuminated by the ambient light coming in through the blinds.
"Mum liked you a lot," he murmured, gently stroking the skin at the base of your spine, "said I should hang onto you".
You returned the gesture, running your fingertips along the lines of ink that make up his many tattoos. "I liked her too. She's wonderful, I see where you get it from now."
"Hey now, 'm wonderful all on my own!" He tickled your side and you couldn"t help but arch towards him, shrieking and laughing at the touch.
"Stop that! You are an absolute pest, you know that?" you said, grinning up at him.
"Ah, you love me," he whispered, and his joking tone made you smile but the way he pulled you tighter as he said it made you brave.
You let the weight what you were about to say wash over you, aware that things were going to change forever with just a few words. "I do love you, Harry," you whispered, moving up his body to press a kiss to his lips.
"Thank God," he had said, wrapping his arms back around you and pulling you on top of him. "Cause I love you too."
Leaving Harry after that had been even more difficult. All you wanted to do was be with him, but you had too much coming up with the future release of your album and Harry was still in the midst of doing his own writing and recording.
It was your professions, along with the desire to keep your relationship private, that kept you apart. You weren't sure how you did it, but your relationship had withstood the distance and odd-hours. The only step now would be deciding if, when, and how to confirm the suspicions to tabloids and fans alike that you were an item.
The wait was killing you. All you wanted was to show off to the world that Harry was yours.
///
The bridge of the song was followed quickly by the chorus and the heavy guitar and pounding drums had you rocking on your feet, body swaying into the mic stand as you let yourself get lost in the lyrics. "If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive."
The crowd was even more into the song now, many picking up on the words quickly and screaming them along with your singing. The rock and roll vibe of the song was coursing through you and the crowd, the arena electric with energy already.
"You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it."
You remove the mic from the stand and dance towards one end of the stage, singing as you move to the beat. "We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh! La da da da da! You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh!"
///
You had been on the phone with Harry one day in July, nearly five months after the release of your album, having him help you decide what the setlist of your tour would be when it began in November.
"I wish I could cover one of your songs."
He had laughed and slurped his tea, the sounds comforting to you, even over the phone. "That'd be a bit obvious, wouldn't it love?"
"I don't mean cover Golden or Kiwi," you said, tapping your pen against the pad of paper in front of you. "What about one you wrote for 1D? What about Perfect? Or Stockholm Syndrome! That was always one of my favorites."
"Getting permission on those might be a bit more difficult, s'not just me that's gotta sign off on it. Besides, do you really wanna be the artist that covers a One Direction song on her own headlining tour?"
"Guess I'll stick with singing along to them in the shower then."
You were both quiet for a moment, lost in your own thoughts.
"What if I covered Medicine?" you asked suddenly, realizing it was the perfect compromise, not to mention your favorite song that Harry himself performed oh his own tour. The rock sound wasn't a far cry from the roots that country music had and you knew it would sound great. "Even if it was just for one stop!"
"Hmm," Harry mused. "It would sound great with the band, I'll give you that. But videos will go around, people will know it's my song you're singing and they'll connect the dots about us."
"H, I'm ready for that if you are. I love you, and I'm ready to be able to share that love that I have for you with the world. Sneaking around has been fun but I want people to know how proud of you I am and how much you're loved and appreciated. Half of our fans know already, it's just a matter of us confirming it. I think that we could really-"
Harry was laughing at your rambling on the other end of the line. "Alright, alright, you drive a hard bargain, love. I think you're right, maybe it is time we stopped sneaking around. I'll try, but Jax and everyone else still have to agree to it too. It might be easier to convince everyone if it's just a one time thing. Pick another cover, something you'd normally do, in case it takes some time to work things out."
"I'll ask him right now! Thank you Harry!"
"I just have one condition," he said, and you could hear the grin that was surely pulling at the corners of his lips.
"What's that?"
"I get to perform it with you," he had said, and the smile already on your face widened exponentially. "If we're finally gonna make "us" public, may as well do it with a bang."
///
In the moment after the chorus, an 8 count beat is carried by the drummer and guitarist. For this performance, and the only performance you'd put on of this song, you had rehearsed the 8 count repeating once between the chorus and the next verse, as you needed a bit of extra time to announce your guest performer.
"Ladies and gentlemen," you shout into the mic, grin wide and face beaming already at what was about to take place. "To help me finish this performance, please help me welcome my very good friend, Harry Styles!"
Harry emerges from behind the stage holding his own wireless mic as much of the crowd screams - he may not be a country artist, but he was absolutely known worldwide. You step back with a wave of your arm, smiling as he begins the next chorus. His performance is for the crowd but he's singing the words directly to you.
"Tingle running through my bones, fingers to my toes, tingle running through my bones," he sings, voice smooth like whiskey, and the crowd adores him, eating out of the palm of his hand. "The boys and the girls are in, I mess around with them, and I'm OK with it."
You can't help but dance as he sings, his voice and the energy of the crowd propelling you to move. He watches you, eyes no longer on the crowd, as he sings the next lines. Immediately, heat pools low in your belly at his glance and the words.
"I'm coming down, I figured out I kinda like it. And when I sleep I'm gonna dream of how you…"
You gyrate your hips at the unsung line of "ride it", listening with a sly grin as some in the crowd scream the two words that go unsung.
///
After giving him a key, Harry had moved some of his clothes to your apartment in Nashville some time while you were away on the first leg of your tour. He had found the city to be incredibly welcoming and inspirational for his upcoming album and had decided to stay there for a spell while you continued to tour around the country.
You had scheduled a short break between your concerts over New Years, wanting to be able to grab at least one or two nights at home with him to celebrate the holiday before you were back on the road again.
"So fucking glad you're home," Harry panted, pulling your shirt over your head before attaching his lips to yours once again. "Missed you like crazy."
"Missed you too," you moaned as his lips moved downwards, across your neck and over your collarbones, down the valley between your breasts. Before he could reach around to unhook your bra, you reached for his shirt, as desperate as he was to see and touch what you'd been missing.
As he pulled the half-unbuttoned blouse over his head, you pulled your leggings off and reached for him, pushing him back onto the bed behind him. He unbuttoned his pants as he scooted up towards the middle of the bed, shoving them and his boxers off in one swoop.
You climbed on top of him, hurriedly reaching to kiss him as you rubbed your clothed center along the length of his hard cock.
"Fuck," he hissed, throwing his head back to allow you room to kiss his neck. "Desperate aren't you, darling?"
"Want you so bad it hurts," you whispered, sucking a bright hickey right where it would absolutely be seen by anyone.
You moved to continue kissing down his chest but he stopped you with a hand under your arm. "Not gonna last long, love. Wanna be inside you."
His cheeks and chest were flushed bright red, lips puffy and pupils blown wide. This was when you loved him most, being able to have him like no one else did. The same feeling always hit you at certain moments, particularly ones of domesticity, like when you watched him back the car out of the driveway or when he stood in the kitchen in the morning in nothing but socks, boxers, and his ratty old robe, singing along to old big band jazz as he waited for the coffee to brew. There was Harry Styles the musician, Harry Styles the actor, and Harry Styles the performer, but then there was your Harry.
"Yeah, okay," you sighed, moving off of him quickly to remove your bra and panties. You climbed back onto the bed and threw your leg over his hips, straddling him. He immediately reached for you and pulled you flush against his chest, his lips capturing yours in a bruising kiss.
You rocked your hips against him as he held you, your slick arousal gliding along his length, drawing a moan from both of you.
"Baby, please," he panted, and you could only mod in agreement, lost already to the sweeping feeling of your close release.
His hands rested on your hips as you positioned him at the entrance between your legs. You groaned in harmony as you worked down him slowly, the only sound in the room was your shared heavy breathing and gasps.
"Fuck me," he sighed as you set a slow pace, rocking on top of him to reach each spot that you know will get you there.
"Workin' on it," you grin. A quick swivel of your hips hit at just the right angle and you tossed your head back, repeating the movement over and over again until you shuddered with a final snap of tension, your orgasm rolling over you as Harry helped you move, hands tight on your hips, to wring all you could from the release.
"You look so beautiful right now, like a fuckin' angel," Harry said, voice low and gravely, accent thick with need.
"How's that line go?" you said as you slowed down, smirking when a harsh rock of your hips caused Harry to moan. "'Turns out she's a devil in between the sheets'?"
"Fuck," he groaned again, eyes closed tightly. "Can't just go reciting my own lyrics to me while I"m buried in ya like this, love."
"And there's nothing you can do about it," you continued, singing the line of his song this time, and his hips buck up into yours harshly.
"You're gonna pay for that," he had said, quoting another of his songs, before he had flipped you over onto your back and set his own brutal pace.
///
Like he can read your thoughts, Harry beams and wags a finger in your direction and the crowd screams at your chemistry together. You grab your mic from its stand and take a step towards Harry to sing the chorus together.
"If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive." Harry dances off to the side of the stage, performing once again for the crowd.
You dance at center stage with your wireless mic, too excited about performing with Harry that you can't stand in one spot. The music and Harry's energy make you want to move. "You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it."
"We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh! La da da da da!" Harry throws his head back, singing along in his own world and you can't look away from him. He really was a rockstar and getting to share the stage with him like this was an experience you'd never forget.
"You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh!"
There's a great pause in the lyrics where the guitar, keyboard, and drums play together, increasing the tension of the song. You and Harry take off towards opposite ends of the stage, both reveling in the performance for the crowd as you dance and stomp to the beat. Eventually, with a slide down the keys of the keyboard, the instrumental quiets into just the steady beat of the bass line joined by the hi-hats.
You and Harry urge the crowd to clap along as you both return to the middle of the stage to sing together once again. He always said that this portion of the song was one of his favorites to perform, the repeated line from the bridge ending abruptly with the lights going out before flashing back on, the added theatrics of the performance elevating the climax of the song completely. Having rehearsed that Harry would sing the following chorus alone, you let yourself get lost in his gaze as it settles on you.
You stand facing one another behind the mic stand, once again singing more to one another rather than to the crowd. You step closer towards him as the lyrics progress, nearly chest to chest now with your voices sharing one another's mics. "I had a few, got drunk on you and now I'm—"
Before you can sing the last word of the line and the lights can blink out as rehearsed, Harry leans forwards and captures your mouth in a hungry kiss. The crowd erupts with screams as the lights above the stage go dark.
You can feel rather than hear him say the words "I love you" against your lips and you have just enough time to repeat them back to him before the drums and guitar pick the beat up once again, the lights flashing back on brightly. He moves away and continues to sing the chorus that follows as if nothing had happened. You're a bit stunned, not having prepared for his relationship-revealing public display of affection to happen during your performance of his song but it was perfect and he knows it. Your smile is wide and you can't help but stand rooted where you are and laugh at what has just finally happened.
"If you go out tonight, I'm going out 'cause I know you're persuasive," he sings, smirking at you while you blush across from him.
You join him in singing the last lines, your right hand joining his left hand where everyone can see your fingers entwine.
"You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it. We're getting dizzy, oh, we're getting dizzy, oh!"
You urge the crowd with a waving hand to join in and they do, singing along with you and Harry. "La da da da da! You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh!"
The drums and guitar end the song on five quick beats and the crowd erupts once again in screams. You immediately jump towards Harry, throwing your arms around his neck in a close embrace. His hands wrap around your waist to hold you close, and you can feel him smile where his face is pressed close to your jaw.
"How was that?" he asks, chuckling against you.
"It was perfect, you're perfect. Thank you, H. For everything."
"Can take you on a proper date now, yeah? Wanna show my girl off to the world."
"Yes, please!" You can't wipe the smile from your face as he sets you down and Harry continues to beam at you as the crowd continues screaming, reeling from your shared performance.
Harry nudges you gently before turning back to them, lifting his and your arms high in the air and leading you in bending for a bow. He steps away from you and turns, opening his arms wide to you for the crowd to praise and you laugh, tearing up at his gesture and the overwhelming emotions of the performance while you take another bow just for yourself.
He pulls you into another hug and you can't help but angle your face up towards him, wordlessly asking for another very quick, very public kiss.
He glances down at you, smiling. "You're gonna love this now, aren't you?"
"Course I am. love showing them you're mine."
He leans down to peck your forehead, your nose, and finally, your lips, as the crowd goes wild. "Love showing them you're mine. You've got a show to finish, love. Go kill it."
///
Ahh! So much fun! This has been such a joy to write and I appreciate you taking the time to give it a chance! It’s my first (of hopefully many) Harry fics - reading all of the stories here has been immensely inspiring, and I’m so looking forward to writing more!
Tagging my love @morganlatte who is a wonderful hype woman and beta reader. Thanks buddy!
Anyways! Thank you for reading! My love language is words of affirmation (aka I have a praise kink) so leave me a comment here if you feel so inclined!
#harry styles#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles story#harry styles smut#harry styles one shot#harry styles fluff#one direction fanfiction#harry styles x you#reader insert fic#my writing#wow!#that was so much fun#i'm so in love with it
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theres just something about seanwhite thats so beautiful, especially in todays episode. they both are hiding things but they almost see through that and its just very nice!! they were very warm and soft in this episode and i hope they continue to be!!
i do however hate (/lh) sean for doing a trust fall ON THE EDGE OF A BUILDING like oh my god my heart stopped. it was an interesting choice though because white catching him there makes his point that hes living for his cause and for white all the more true. ( i do think its really unhealthy to tell people youre living for them especially in the context of a romantic relationship but i think this will be fine? idk we shall find out if its brought up again)
danyok continue to be the queer people who have met once and now know each other deeply and i love that for them!! im interested to see dans arc since hes fully admitted hes unhappy being a cop and he disagrees with what they do. hopefully we get him resigning and also maybe rethinking nfts… (someone get pran and pat on the phone we need eco friendly solutions) oh!! im also super excited to see yoks art in color and everything!! the portrayal of art in this show has been so stunning and i cant wait to see yok express his opinions on art more <3
and finally, in honor of the new episode, heres my playlist (please let that link work jdjdjsjdjdjd) at the moment, its mostly political songs (admittedly us centric) but im planning/hoping to add some romantic songs as well!! i had a hard time with this playlist because when you think of anticapitalist, antifascist, etc music, the first genre that comes to mind is punk (and folk). i did however, start the playlist with songs that are decidedly Not punk or folk so i wanted to keep the flow of it!
- lost anon
ps. my bad buddy playlist is in my “show playlists <3” folder if anyones interested as well :D
heyy, dearest lost anon!!
seanwhite were truly incredible today. but as for the whole "living for a person" thing, i think... relationships are complex, you know? it's not like sean was giving white some sort of an ultimatum, i don't think it was said in a sense of "i am only alive because you are around" but more like what white is helping sean understand is changing him and making him want to live? if that makes sense?
yokdan absolutely blew me away as well. i had to pause to take a breath every three fucking seconds. they are just so!! i have no words. i think we will all love seeing dan's arc, they are setting it up beautifully.
as for your playlist, honestly, when i first read what you said about punk and folk i was like 🧍♂️ because my favorite genres are literally post-punk and indie folk, but i am currently listening to it and i am very much enjoying it, despite you going in the opposite direction of those genres. i have also been thinking of blood // water by grandson as a not me song for weeks now, so i got you ;) really recommend everyone listens to the playlist!! it's really good!!
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🐦 Robin’s top albums of 2021 🐦
These aren’t in order of my favourites, but I like these alot and i listen to music from them ALOT. you guys should see my brain its mostly these guys and some stragglers. im just gonna name them in order lol
1. Do- Cosmo sheldrake
This is Cosmo’s newest album and it bangs really hard though i espesially like ‘Did don’t do’ it’s my favourite outta there. I usually play this when I’m writing beacuse it’s not as heavy as other stuff i listen to so i can pay attention to the words i write lol
2. Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?- Of Montreal
this almbum is so good it managed to make Of Montreal one of my top artists within the month i first listened to it. insantiy incarnate. this one is a really good walking album for me, like i put it on and i am enpowered with the energy to speedwalk.
3. Through the looking class- Siouxsie and the Banshees
very good album but also i mostly listen to it absently and not specifically as an album. im mostly there for spellbound, you’re lost little girl, gun and this wheel is on fire. those are the ones i like i skip the rest lol oopsie
4. Chumpfrey- Feed me Jack
god i love this album its so so juicy and i really like the sounds they do it makes me happy in the brain. rosies is a great example but also pirate muse. those songs are amazing and the whole album is really good as a whole but those guys are the best like i specifically cant wait for them to come on when i know they’re in a playlist. love
5. Just a Lad- Oingo Boingo
goes insane goes evil rolls around on the ground scratching and clawing. this album is the best ever it should be sent to space so aliens can listen to it. This entire thing is pure gold its my favourite thing ever. the specific sound of oingo boingo in general i love but this whole ablum encapsulates every single thing i LOVE into one place. this is the only album i repeatedly put on as an album and not because alot of the songs are in my playlists. its insane. listen to this thing if you want but only the enlightened can survive
6. People who can eat people are the luckiest people in the world- AJJ
Dont make me talk about this thing i’ll explode into a bajillion peices and make a firework noise as my meat bits are launched into the sky like a bloody lightshow. This album is so so so so good its my favourite AJJ album it holds a special place in my heart. this album is just important to me and i love it. love
7. A history of public relations dilemmae- Petrojvic Blasting Company
this is a little unfair since this is their only album asides from their offical work in Over The Garden Wall, but i really really love this album. I love the jazz mixing with folk and it just. lights up my brain. Like princess andy and SINKING SHIPS oghhh i love sinking ships. love love. SIMON WAS IS ALSO RLLY GOOD i love this. theres some songs in here that are only okay but even still it doesn’t effect my love for the album. heart
8. Bury me at makeout creek- Mitski
Guys im sorry you see me Mitskiposting im very very feeling the winter and she’s my best friend. i listen to mistki talking about falling from balconies and kissing people drunk and not caring it sucks and i go a heem heem yes mitski me too mitski. close to being here was the only heartbreaker or Retired from sad new career in buisness. mitski forever
9, Testosterone!- Talkshow Boy
ok im transgender, alright? what do you want from me. i can be a little emo. a lot emo, actually! leave me alone. i like this album alot and it reminds me of 2015 in a good way and i like the funky sound. The contents are very fucked up like seriously this guy is having a bad time but we’re besties its ok. He’s fighting a tiger on the floor and i’m watching. thats my cousin. parasocial relationship with this guy he’s my weird friend’s brother.
this was fun actually i havent talked about my music like this before lol. Thanks to Anne for tagging me <3
urhmmmmmmmm i have to think of who to tag eruru
@heyits-hardy @elesketchii @beeapocalypse
thats all i can think of lol if you want to be tagged or untagged you can just ask
#i actually had to look trhough alot of my music bc i don't rlly pay attention to albums only usually songs i like#most of these have songs in the albums i don't care about or skip exept the ones i rlly rlly like#again ty anne this was fun#Talking2Myself
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Still Into You
genre: songfic, fluff, smut
pairing: graffiti artist!changbin x afab!reader (gender-neutral language)
word count: 2k
warnings: drug use (cannabis,) trespassing, oral sex (f,) car sex, little dialogue, changbin and reader run from the cops lol
a/n: i was listening to still into you by paramore and this just kinda. came into existence. it’s also very song focused so if you’ve never listened to 2000s alt rock... i’m sorry lmao. the sugarmill in the story is also a real place that my friends and i used to visit and smoke take pictures at, although the cops never found us there haha. anyways enjoy folks.
Your nails had been tapping on the windowsill enough to wear them down to nubs by the time Changbin pulled up in front of your house. When his beat up Subaru pulled up next to the curb, you just about jumped out of your skin from excitement. Today was your fourth anniversary, as well as Valentine’s Day, and the adrenaline rushing through your blood was a sign that you were more than looking forward to whatever fun plans he had up his sleeve.
Compared to most couples on Valentine’s day, your outfit was pretty plain and not at all glamorous. Practical boots, jeans, an old band hoodie and Changbin’s dark green parka were your clothes of choice, but you knew that your boyfriend wasn’t going to take you to some fancy restaurant. No, you two were going adventuring.
As soon as you hop in the passenger seat of the car, shoving a couple of receipts into the foot well, Changbin reaches into his hoodie pocket and gives you a card. It’s crude, made of a folded sheet of printer paper and hastily scribbled on in pen but it’s very fitting for him.
“You better enjoy the card,” he says with a smirk, “because it came to me in a dream. This is pure, undiluted Changbin, packaged for your enjoyment and convenience.”
Giggling, you open the card. Inside is a barely legible “i love you so much y/n” surrounded by hearts, and in the corner is a drawing of a cow dressed in a lab coat and holding a beaker labeled “Moorie Curie.” It’s perfect, but what else did you expect from him?
“Happy anniversary, my love.” When you look up at Changbin, he has the widest smile on his face, cheeks dotted with flecks of paint and eyes crinkled up into little crescents. He’s dressed similarly to you, hair sitting in a pile on top of his head, clearly not having been paid attention to before leaving the house. It doesn’t matter, though, since the both of you will be wearing hoods over your heads anyways. You lean over the center console to give him a quick kiss, although it takes a couple of tries to get his lips since you’re both smiling so hard.
Changbin kicks his old car into gear as he sets off towards his destination. He’s explaining where you’re going, but you can barely hear him over the car speakers blasting Simple Plan and Green Day.
“So yeah, it’s this sugarmill that caught on fire in, like, 1910, and they never renovated it. There’s a bunch of cool abandoned shit around there, too. I think there’s, like, three fucked up couches.”
As you listen to him talk, you stick your fingers through the gap at the top of the side window. It’s permanently cracked open like that, and you have vivid memories of trying to throw cigarette butts through the gap when the two of you were bored.
After a while of listening to pop punk and playing with Changbin’s fingers over the gear shift, you arrive at your destination. Several charred brick buildings sit in the middle of a field, dead trees framing an open area in the center where someone has set up some logs and rocks to form a makeshift circle. Your boyfriend’s eyes scan the landscape, looking for his next canvas. Eventually, he tugs your arm and leads you towards one of the buildings, smiling back at you. “C’mon, let’s go explore this place.”
The two of you wander for a while, over rickety walkways and up staircases, taking pictures with your Polaroid and holding hands the whole time. Eventually, Changbin finds a stretch of wall big enough to start his work. Setting his duffel bag on the ground, he beckons you over and crouches down, inviting you to hop onto his back.
He pulls out a can of white spray paint, shaking it and popping the cap with his thumb. As he starts to paint, making large, sweeping motions with his arms, you really wished he had worn something sleeveless, however impractical. After lighting a slightly crushed joint you’d fished out of your pocket, you nestled your nose into his shoulder, holding the joint up to Changbin’s lips. He takes a few pulls as he works, the previously bland wall turning into a beautiful blend of blues, purples, and whites. It’s always fascinating to see how he works, seemingly not thinking before laying down a line of paint, yet each stroke seems to perfectly fit in with the others.
As he’s switching colors, Changbin lets you off his back, settling his hands on your sides. He stares at you for a bit, trying to study every bit of your face that isn’t covered by the oversized hood of his jacket. After a while, he smiles, pulling you close and kissing your forehead. Changbin always called you his muse, but you never expected him to take it as literally as he did, often staring at you or asking unrelated questions when he was stuck with a piece. He sways gently back and forth, pressing little kisses to your head, as Good Charlotte emanates from the tiny phone speaker in his back pocket. Occasionally, he’ll pull back just a tiny bit to really study your face, kissing you softly and muttering something along the lines of “i really can’t believe how fucking incredible you are” or “i love you so much it’s unreal.”
It’s not until a few more songs have ended that he pulls away, inviting you back onto his back as you light another joint. The piece is almost done, the tag “SPEARB” painted in blobby letters, shining artificially. All he has left is the outline, but his work is cut short when you hear the faint sound of sirens approaching and the light creeping in from the broken windows flashes a faint red and blue.
What happens next is like clockwork. You hop off of Changbin’s back, putting out the joint on the wall and throwing it into his duffel bag along with the other cans of paint he’s left out. What you’re supposed to do next is grab the bag and run, but Changbin is trying his best to finish a really specific detail and the more time he has that can in his hand, the less time you guys have to get the fuck out. After what seems like an eternity of whisper-yelling and (gently) stomping your foot at him, he caps the can and throws it into the bag. Finally, the two of you are off. As he’s picking up the bag, however, you notice what he was taking so long to finish. In tiny lettering, in the bottom corner of the piece, 4 words. “fuck cops” on one line, and “for y/n” on another.
As the two of you clamber over wooden planks and piping, pulling your hoods over your heads and your masks over your faces to hide your identities, Changbin grabs your hand and squeezes. He lets go almost as quickly as he grabbed it but the sentiment is still there; i’m here, i’m gonna keep us safe. It’s a welcome sentiment when shouts of “police,” and “show yourselves” echo through the abandoned hall.
Fifteen minutes of running and one chain link fence climb later, you’re back at the car, cops nowhere in sight. You’re panting heavily as you throw off the parka and throw it into the backseat, and Changbin doesn’t look any better as he’s gulping water and fanning his face. Right as you’re about to climb in, he grabs your arm and spins you so you’re pressed between him and the car, holding your cheeks in his hands and grinning at you.
“God. Fuck. Wow. You’re unreal. I love you so much.”
You’re unable to do anything but nod. The two of you are still breathless and in that moment you realize that’s what your love was like. In the four years of you dating, your love never went stale, you never settled into a routine. You were always doing new things, like going on spur of the moment road trips or fucking around at playgrounds in the early hours of the morning. You never thought about the future, just did your best to enjoy your time in the present and bask in the glow of each other’s affection. You expected that after such a long time together you’d at least feel a little duller, but everything still feels as fresh and new as when you were teenagers and sneaking out to make out on park benches when no one was looking.
As you’re lost in thought, Changbin pulls you impossibly closer and presses his lips to yours, hard. Music is still playing from his phone as the kiss becomes more heated, and you make sure to add 1985 by Bowling for Soup to your “running from the cops” playlist later. Almost every memory you have with Changbin is attached to a song, and this one is no exception.
Changbin pulls away to wrench open the back seat door, guiding you to sit and kneeling on the dirty floor. He heaves the duffel bag on the seat next to you and you dig through it, searching for the joint you threw into it earlier. Once you’ve gotten to My Own Worst Enemy, you’ve lit it and Changbin has gotten your jeans halfway down your legs and your thighs over his shoulders.
Your boyfriend wastes no time in burying his face in your heat, licking hot stripes up and down and moaning loudly into your core. He pulls away to rest his head on your thigh and take a few puffs of the joint, and in that moment you remember your Polaroid exists and manage to snap a picture of him blowing out smoke, with your hand in his hair and his face squished between your legs.
Changbin pays it no mind and gets straight back to work, sucking on your clit and easing his tongue into your hole. Your grip on his hair tightens and you arch into his mouth, fucking yourself back on his tongue. Picking up on this, he hooks his arms under your thighs and pulls your towards him, close enough that you’re afraid he’s going to suffocate himself trying to pleasure you.
It’s hot and sticky and perfect, and the atmosphere combined with the weed and the fact that Seo fucking Changbin is eating you out is too much for you and you cum all over his tongue, which eagerly laps up your release, taking long, languid strokes to make sure he gets every drop. As you come down, Changbin is stroking your thighs and sucking hickeys into the soft flesh, and you register that Misery Business needs to be added to your “dirty car sex” playlist.
After basking in the yellow glow of the car’s overhead light and the thrilling afterglow of just having done something you shouldn’t have for a while, lazily finishing off the rest of your joint, the two of you get your things in order and begin the journey to Changbin’s apartment, speeding down the highway with the windows cracked the whole way. He carries you into the building like he always does, setting you down gently on the couch before heading off to the kitchen so you can make some blueberry muffins together. You do, and they’re terrible, so you heat up leftovers instead and watch reruns of old James Bond movies, cuddling on the couch. The night ends with Chasing Cars and you laying on Changbin’s chest, naked and sweaty and anticipating lots of aches in the morning, whispering tiny i love yous into each others’ skin and it’s perfect. But everything is always perfect with him. What else could you possibly expect?
please let me know if you guys enjoyed this!! feel free to send an ask, i always love receiving them🤌🏻🤌🏻
#stray kids imagines#changbin imagines#changbin x reader#stray kids fluff#stray kids smut#changbin fluff#changbin smut#stray kids x reader#skz imagines#skz fluff#skz smut#skz#stray kids#stray kids fanfic#skz x reader#changbin#can u guys tell i miss hanging out with my friends 😔
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when ur not drunk bud id love some sources on those songs if you’re up to it 👀 i’m gonna add em to the sex-free songs playlist i’m making myself for pride month as a treat
Certainly!!!
Before I begin, I must of course mention the Rulers of Technical Filk: Hymn to Breaking Strain, written by Rudyard Kipling and set to music by Leslie Fish (my favorite version until now is here). I don't even know which part of it I want to quote to give you an idea - the whole thing’s amazing:
We only in Creation - how much luckier the bridge and rail! -
abide the twin-damnation: to fail and know we fail
Yet we - by which sole token we know we once were gods -
take shame in being broken
however great the odds -
the burden or the odds
and Hope Eyrie (voted most appropriate as a Galactic Hymn of Humanity by yours truly)
Worlds grow old and suns grow cold
and death we never can doubt
times cold wind wailing down the past
reminds us that all flesh is grass
and history's lamps blow out
But the Eagle has landed, tell your children when
time won't drive us down to dust again
The two songs I quoted yesterday are both from Minus Ten And Counting (Link to Full Album on Youtube here), specifically Everyman and Toast For Unsung Heroes. This album also has my fave version of Hope Eyrie. There's also several songs about specific missions and/or memorial songs for lost missions and astro- and cosmonauts, like Fly, Columbia
Fly, Columbia! Fly, Columbia!
Thunder t'ward tomorrow on an oxygen stream!
Thunder t'ward tomorrow, fire, flame and rocket song!
Mark a new time of man, booster candles light the dawn!
Fly, Columbia! Fly, Columbia!
Foundation of the future, courier of dreams -
Thunder on!
Another song from that album that I like a lot is Pioneer's Song (about the voyager probes)
We send them out to the planets, to worlds beyond our own
where frail man dared not venture they traveled on alone
though they be no more than robots to the stars they steer
and we wish them on their journey all the luck of a pioneer!
But in general, this Album is great. I won't say there's NO sex or romance nor whether there isn't objectionable stuff in there, because I don't remember all songs exactly right now and it's OLD, but if this is what you're looking for, here it is.
And of course, there's the unofficial 'reboot' of this album (which is also on Spotify! here on youtube), which has cleaner/imo sometimes better versions of some songs from Minus Ten And Counting and a more electro pop-folk vibe, like this version of Witnesses Waltz
Twelve-thousand, half-million, million and more,
picnicking out on the warm-water shore
nobody knows that we're always at hand
to watch all the spaceships that take off and land!
Politicians ignore us, the media too,
but if they don't notice, the ships always do
see her landing so lightly, you'd swear that she cares
that she flies on two wings and a good million prayers!
Some other highlights from that album are imo Surprise (Silly fun about the Sputnik Shock) and Starfire and Fire In The Sky, which are also both 'Fuck Yeah Human Ingenuity!'-Songs
One last song! Rocket Rider's Prayer from Free Fall & Other Delights is a Praying To Every God I Can Remember Oh Shit Oh Shit song
So we pray to great green mother earth and the grim old god of space
and the gods of flame and metal who we summoned to this place
oh you gods of flight and physics now you have us in your care
we hope that you will listen to a rocket rider's prayer
In general, that channel (Songs from the Stars) is a great new place for out-of-print filk.
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ITADAKIMASU FOR NUMBERS 1-15 PLS 🙏🏻
FLORA LMAO ILY
ok *cracks knuckles* let's goooo
1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?
in total honesty, laziness and fear of commitment lmao. It's my first ever ongoing project and I knew the chances of me finishing a full length chapter fic was slim to none so when I saw smau's growing in popularity I thought 'hey, I could probably do that'
2: What scene did you first put down?
The ending >:)
3: What's your favorite line of narration?
oooh this one's a toughie. My true answer is from a passage that hasn't been released yet, but from what i've written so far, this little paragraph here always made me laugh and I think it's definitely up there with my favorites:
'When you saw something akin to the five stages of grief cross his face in a span of a few seconds, you knew that putting Osamu Miya in his place was going to become your favorite past time.'
4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?
“Kuguri, have I ever told you that I’m a fucking god?” I couldn't tell you why, tbh lol
5: What part was hardest to write?
answered here! <3
6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?
It's a lot of firsts for me!! I'm pretty sure it's my first ever hq fanfic, I literally had started planning it before I even watched season 4 lol. It's also my first smau, my first multi part fic, and its the most I've written for one story, social media caps aside. Itadakimasu also broke a 5 year long break I had taken from writing, which, looking back, was a real questionable decision on my part lol. I really stepped out of my comfort zone with this story and the journey has honestly helped me fall in love with writing again <3
7: Where did the title come from?
Itadakimasu is a term Japanese folks say before their meals! I thought it just made sense with an smau that was food based and osamu lol <3
8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?
My initial plot that I ended up scrapping wasn't really inspired by anything I can remember, but the new plot line is (very) loosely inspired by Next Time, one of my fav x reader chapter fics to date! (if you haven't read it, you need to, its everything) other than that, any scenes/bits that have inspiration get credit in the author notes of each chapter!! <3
9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?
nope! but if I feel good enough about it when I finish it, I'm toying with the idea of uploading it to AO3 and replacing all the smau content with written chapters :)
10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?
<3 Osamu <3 that's it. that's the reason lol
11: What do you like best about this fic?
I really like osamu's dynamic with the reader. It's my ideal relationship lol
12: What do you like least about this fic?
I am very nitpicky, so even though I've edited chapters I always have to fight the urge to delete my whole account and fly to a foreign land under a fake name because I hate my writing lmao
13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?
muahaha, playlist coming soon <3
14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
Osamu is Big Husband Energy and he needs more appreciation
15: What did you learn from writing this fic?
chapter fics are hard!! lol
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url song titles game
Rules: spell out your url with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your url
thanks for the tag, @i-am-just-a-kiddo! I am always ready to talk about music
Absolutely not tagging 22 people because I am a sensible person and that would be crazy, but @circumference-pie, @tofufei, @angelxhunter, @ahlanzhan, here’s a tag if you’d like to share!
Generally pulling from songs I’ve listened to recently, though a person only has so many v- and y- and u- songs. If something comes up from 2009 we get what we get ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Read on for commentary
N – Nothing is Safe by clipping. – forever thinking about the line “truth like death comes for everyone” in the context of LYB
O – Out Like a Light 2 by The Honeysticks and Ricky Montgomery – the original version of this song is a classic for me but this version, uh, changes the meaning of the lyrics a bit
T – Tactics by Japanese Breakfast – currently reading Michelle Zauner’s memoir (Crying in H Mart), so I’ve had the whole Jubilee album on repeat to get in the mood
S – Sinnerman by Nina Simone – a masterpiece, need I say more
A – Agnes by Glass Animals - not sure if I can articulate all I feel for this song in anything shorter than a novella, will not attempt
Y – You Wouldn’t Like Me cover by Sleeping At Last – every song is improved if it’s covered by Sleeping At Last, send tweet
I – Il male è grande e vasto by Na Sang Jin and Park Se Jun - asdfghkjl this is from the Vincenzo soundtrack... say what you will about the show itself, but the soundtrack fucking slaps and I will put that on my gravestone (I beg thee, how often must one make a playlist called ‘songs that make me want to join an international crime syndicate specifically so I can play them while doing bad deeds’?)
N – Nước chảy hoa trôi (Reborn) by Nguyễn Trần Trung Quân – I watched the music video so many times when it first came out that now I need only throw the song on to enjoy a little screening inside my brain! Love when that happens
G – Gang Gang Schiele by HYUKOH - I started listening to them idly while working a few days ago. It started out as “sounds like a good vibe” and then it became “a lot of these songs are actually really great” and now it is “I think I need to consume their entire discography”
R – Rainy Night in Georgia by Brook Benton – when I was much younger, I would put this song on during early morning workouts, which makes no sense because it is the definitional opposite of a workout song
E – Extrication by SHIO 郭修彧 – I quietly associate this song with The Ghost Bride for reasons that aren’t clear to me. Did I maybe see a video with this song for that show? Am I imagining things? Who knows, certainly not me
V – Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks by The National – prime example of how I choose most songs based on vibes alone. I don’t even want to look at the lyrics because it would ruin the experience
O – Oh You Are Not Well by Chloe Foy – what it says on the tin! I particularly like the folk elements of this one
L – Le pré des corbeaux by Maxenss – this song feels like summer but is textually not very much about summer at all
U – Under My Skin by Jukebox The Ghost – I’ve been listening to them for quite a while and I keep thinking they’re going to break into mainstream pop and I won’t be cool anymore
T – Tujhe Dekha To by Lata Mangeshkar and Kumar Sanu – from Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, which I have not watched in I don’t even know how long but remember liking
I – I Of The Storm by Of Monsters and Men – "Little Talks" was the anthem of my mid-teenage years. Since then, I’ve come to appreciate the rest of their work on multiple levels. Also, the music video for this song moves me to tears every time I watch it
O – Oh my god by (G)I-DLE – I heard this soon after it was released two Aprils ago and had a “wait... did I just hear a she pronoun???” kind of moment. I appreciate the aesthetics of the music video as well
N – Nar_C by Holland – my experience with Holland began with “the first openly gay k-pop idol? Yes let’s see what he has” and is now “I will listen to anything he creates and also I would die for him”
B – Bad Dreams (Stripped) by Faouzia – despite being obsessed with her voice, I actually haven’t listened to much of her work beyond this song? Gotta get on that. Nevertheless, the powerful vocals + piano makes an excellent combination in this version
U – Underdog by Mayaeni – another artist who I would like to explore more! I connect a lot to the lyrics of this one
T – The Way You Felt (你的目光) by Alec Benjamin – linking the Mandarin version because 1) I like it more than the English version and 2) I more often hear songs that are translated from their original language into English. This is one of the few (contemporary) English bops that I’ve seen a mainstream artist intentionally release in another language and I do respect Alec Benjamin for that
(this got real long, shoutout to anyone who read to the end <3)
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I write and conceptualize story to music, so I’ve compiled a playlist of 30 Darkest Dungeon-specific songs that I listen to when writing (and subsequently re-writing) in no particular order, which I hope will help you set the vibe too. :+)
Names in bold are links for easy listening - tons of Hozier and Of Monsters and Men up ahead, five minute warning.
1. ‘Fire and the Flood’ - Vance Joy
If you listen to nothing else on this list, listen to this one - it’s the kind of song that’s made for movies about yearning. Folk influences, choruses of trumpets and vocal harmony, and instruments that are layered for a rich, resonant sound. This is the song I imagine Dismas and Reynauld horse-racing through a crowded outdoors market in the hamlet to, and the song I listened to nonstop freshman year when I first started writing The Myth of Sisyphus.
You're the fire and the flood
And I'll always feel you in my blood
Everything is fine
When your hand is resting next to mine
Next to mine
You're the fire and the flood
The chorus is built around biblical allusions to the fire (the burning bush signifying first contact) and the flood (destruction of the first world), the beginning and end. Every line is similarly evocative of Darkest Dungeon in their simplicity (“I’ve been getting used to waking up with you,” etc.)
2. ‘Soldier, Poet, King’ - The Oh Hellos
By the title alone you can guess who this is for. Even the Guild quote for the Leper approaches these three things as the defining parts of his character (specifically it’s “a ruined man, a warrior, and a poet.”) This song coincidentally has an old world influence to it, with a Medieval Renaissance style from a guitar playing a lute-adjacent melody.
There will come a ruler
Whose brow is laid in thorn
Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord
Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord
Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord
To be smeared with oil is to be anointed by a prophet and thus chosen by god himself to be king, just as David was and his boy after him (presumably Solomon). There’s something strangely wistful about the imagery, which is just how I like my songs about bygone kings.
3. ‘Exit Hymn’ - Bear Attack!
This song is about the end of the world in a version where everyone simply stands together in silence watching, rather than having the masses swarming in panic.
Lovely shapes to the world descending,
Brothers and sisters.
Lovely shapes to the world descending,
Brothers and sisters
Mute.
It defies Lovecraftian horror, which is based on the premise that “common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large” - it flies in the face of existential nihilism and the despair that it should bring us. That’s why I like this song for deaths in the end-boss fight; it also has a special place for other death-related ideas, like full-party wipes - entire teams of people vanishing into the dungeons, gone insane, holding hands while the darkness surrounds them.
It’s a bare song which has a sanctity to it, mostly just piano and rain and human voices. Just what you would hear at the end of the world.
More under the cut:
4. ‘Pursuit of Glory’ - Jhameel
This song is laid-back. It doesn’t have the Homeric intensity that some of the other songs here do - it’s a guy with a guitar and vocal harmony. By god is it a great piece of writing though (all of Jhameel’s older songs have that quality to them), and all of it is evocative of Darkest Dungeon.
So many eyes set on the path to glory
Too many ties, friendship is for the lonely
Can't still my heart, my tongue has tasted folly
Thirsty for art, hungry for power and money
This is a song for everyone in the barracks, especially the ‘laundry list’ of people and their approaches to the pursuit of glory.
5. ‘Good Old Days’ - Macklemore (feat. Kesha)
This fucker put a Macklemore song in here. I did, yeah. It’s not even the only song with Kesha in it here (I’m sorry.)
It’s a sentimental pop song, and I am sentimental to a fault. This is Darkest Dungeon AMV material, and I always mishear one of the lines as “we were underground, loaded mercs in that 12-passenger van” so it’s here.
We've come so far, I guess I'm proud
And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile
I've got some scars, I've been around
I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now
Those good old days
6. ‘Past Lives‘ - Kesha
Here it is, the other Kesha song - this was introduced to me by a good friend, also in a Darkest Dungeon context. There’s just something about the lovers spanning time trope and finding each other in one life to the next that is irresistible (for the obvious reason in the context of Darkest Dungeon.) It’s a soft song, totally out of place in Kesha’s typical discography, and has a line about losing someone to the crusades, so... you know.
There's just somethin' about you I know
Started centuries ago though
You see your kiss is like a lost ghost
Only I would know
But I, I keep on falling for you
Time after time
Time after time
7. ‘Viva la Vida’ - Coldplay
You cannot fight this. You know that this is the song for King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, you know it is. Did you know the official name of this genre of music is “Baroque pop”? Yes, that means more songs like this exist. You will live with this information now.
Don’t fight it. Just let it wash over you.
I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field
For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never, never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world
Mirror, sword, and shield, the three other members of his party, his missionaries in a foreign field. Thinking emoji. I typed that out so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the crab emoji incident.
8. ‘The Boxer’ - Jerry Douglas (feat. Mumford & Sons, Paul Simon)
Partly inspired by the Bible, Simon & Garfunkle’s ‘The Boxer’ is a folk rock song about poverty, loneliness, and homesickness. It’s written and sung in a style that’s strongly reminiscent of older times, and the final verse about its eponymous boxer is particularly powerful:
In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains
This is what I use for Dismas’ life leading into organized crime and his foolish abandonment of stable job prospects in a half-baked bid for fame, as well as being punched down over and over again but with nowhere else to go. That last part is widely applicable across the cast.
9. ‘I Will Wait’ - Mumford & Sons
I am but a simple man. I see 'folk rock' and add it to my Darkest Dungeon playlist. This song I use for Reynauld - it has that sort of “salt of the earth,” somewhat biblical humility in its choice of words and style.
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
10. ‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford & Sons
Have we not beaten this song to death yet? Can you blame us? This is the people’s song. We reserve it for all of our favorite fuck-up characters, as primal as Saturn devouring his son. We love this song. Jesus.
Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck
The line about learning from your mother in particular is why I think of this song for Dismas’ introspection, but I also associate it with the Hellion.
11. ’From Eden’ - Hozier
There’s too much Hozier in my playlists. There is so much of it, and it’s all important to me, says the hoarder. There’s something about profoundly intimate folk music that I love, and god put folk, R&B, blues, and alt rock into a Vitamix for 45 seconds to make Hozier.
Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword
Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
‘From Eden’ is, according to Hozier, about idolizing someone from a distance, written from the perspective of the devil “looking longingly at something he desires - for everything that he does not have.” I associate this song with the Grave Robber for its playfully nihilistic tone - Audrey does say something to the effect of being left for dead by high society and the affectionate bordering condescending address is on-brand.
12. ‘Cherry Wine’ - Hozier
‘Cherry Wine’ is unabashedly about domestic violence, and its sincerity is heartbreaking, the sanctification of the blood spilled in the name of keeping her.
The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine
Open hand or closed fist would be fine
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.
This song is strongly tied to the Vestal for me.
13. ‘Work Song’ - Hozier
A song about unconditional love - heaven and hell were just words, indeed.
When my time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave can hold my body down
I'll crawl home to her
I think of this song for both Dismas and the Abomination - it’s a song about love transcending spiritual and even physical need, complete devotion, but something about it is also not quite right. It’s morbid and excessive, self-pitying, and almost ugly in its sincerity.
14. ‘Sunlight’ - Hozier
The strong gospel influence with the choruses, church organ, religious fervor - I think it makes a great song for traveling scenes and church/altar scenes.
I had been lost to you, sunlight
Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight
Oh, your love is sunlight
Oh, your love is sunlight (sunlight, sunlight)
But it is sunlight
15. ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’ - Hozier
The gospel this time is paired with electric rock instrumentation. Something about the lamentation is unapologetic and matter-of-fact in its disturbing inclinations - this is Paracelsus’ song. Arguably representative of Bounty Hunter and Flagellant as well.
Now that I think about it, it’s great for Abomination as well. Damn.
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep 'em on a leash
16. ‘We Sink’ - Of Monsters and Men
Of Monsters and Men are closer to the indie rock/pop spectrum with influences of folk, with much less biblical influence and more folklore-inspired lyrics. They make for great trailer and action songs.
We are the sleepers, we bite our tongues
We set the fire and we let it burn
Through the dreamers, we hear the hum
They say come on, come on, let's go
So come on, come on, let's go
In Lovecraft’s Cthulu mythos, dreams are how the Old Ones commune with humans on the earth’s surface while they slumber in the ocean depths (Cthulhu fhtagn meaning “Cthulhu is dreaming”); I like to think of the ‘sleepers’ as the heroes being tasked to “set the fire” and the ‘dreamers’ being the Heir and Ancestor driven by some unseen force to unearth the antediluvian underground.
17. ‘I Of The Storm’ - Of Monsters and Men
Very somber song, overwhelmingly piano and snare drum and vocals. Also a great death scene song, or for introspection around the campfire, or played to reveal a major event.
If I could face them
If I could make amends
With all my shadows
I'd bow my head
And welcome them
18. ‘King and Lionheart’ - Of Monsters and Men
My favorite OMAM song - it’s clearly written about two children, kind of reminiscent of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ in its fantastical nature, and very upbeat about the end of the world.
His crown lit up the way as we moved slowly
Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind
Though far away, though far away, though far away
We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same
This part is reminiscent of the Leper’s journey, but the mentions of taking over a town, howling ghosts, the end of the world, a black sea and creatures lurking below, etc. are all evocative of Darkest Dungeon.
19. ‘Little Talks’ - Of Monsters and Men
Also very upbeat for its subject matter - according to OMAM, it’s a narrative of a woman speaking with the ghost of her dead husband, or going insane and believing that she’s speaking with her dead husband.
Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear
'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
The call-and-respond style of the song is haunting. I like this song for expeditions and afflicted heroes.
20. ‘Wolves Without Teeth’ - Of Monsters and Men
Suitable for both Occultist and Abomination, being consumed by an unseen and otherworldly force that inhabits them - well, maybe just rarely seen, in the Abomination’s case. Special mention to OMAM’s ‘Human,’ same conceptual backing but more raw.
You hover like a hummingbird
Haunt me in my sleep
You're sailing from another world
Sinking in my sea, oh
You're feeding on my energy
I'm letting go of it
He wants it
21. ‘Desierto’ (Original Motion Picture Score) - Woodkid
This is a full album, because all of it is dark orchestral cinema music described as ‘unsettling,’ with the sole exception of ‘Land of All,’ which has vocals to it. I reserve this album for writing fight scenes and for particularly unsettling events because it’s tense and wordless. I read Junji Ito to this soundtrack too, it’s insanely high-strung and discordant.
22. ‘Iron’ - Woodkid
‘Iron’ qualifies as Baroque pop - you might recognize this as the Assassin’s Creed: Revelations song. The large-scale, cinematic style of it and thematic lyrics make it great for writing about dramatic encounters or brigands.
This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands
I'm frozen to the bones, I am
A million miles from home, I'm walking away
I can't recall your eyes, your face
23. ‘Never Let You Down’ - Woodkid (feat. LYKKE LI)
Another somber song, orchestral with some industrial noise in the mix - another great introspection song, or one for a scene with some hard decisions to be made.
Will you come along cause I'm about to leave this town
In my eyes, a waterfall, all I can hear, a siren call
Could you be waiting by the shore, oh I could drown without you
Will you be holding out the line when I fall?
24. ‘Run Boy Run’ - Woodkid
Church bells, fast percussion, strong orchestral presence. For chase scenes, obviously, but great for fast-paced sneaking scenes as well. Also has a strong quasi-Medieval fantasy setting style to it.
Tomorrow is another day
And you won't have to hide away
You'll be a man, boy!
But for now it's time to run, it's time to run!
25. ‘I Love You’ - Woodkid
Don’t let the scream effects and aggressive percussion at the beginning deter you (it kind of took me by surprise the first few times too) - it soon fades into more of the church bells and melodic string accompaniment.
Oh yeah, unrequited love song? It’s free (mental) real estate, baby.
Is there anything I could do
Just to get some attention from you?
In the waves, I've lost every trace of you
Where are you?
26. ‘Vagabonds’ - Grizfolk
A rare departure from folk! Grizfolk is alt rock/indie pop. Stylistically it doesn’t match the feeling of Darkest Dungeon, but lyrically it’s almost 1:1 to arrival in the hamlet and the subsequent expeditions. Good song for writing about recruits bonding.
Oh this careless ground, guessing this is home now
Oh in no man's land, at least we're still standing
And we're all just fighting, some of us will not return
And there's no redemption in trying to find your way out
27. ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ - Lorde
Great trailer fuel, if you’ve seen the AC: Unity E3 trailer with this song - I listen to an extended version when writing fights in the Guild, especially one where two heroes are beefing. It’s got a primal kind of thing going on. I also associate this song with the Arbalest - lyrically, it fits her backstory like a glove.
Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you
Acting on your best behavior
Turn your back on mother nature
28. ‘Torches’ - X Ambassadors
More alt rock/indie pop - kind of a rallying song for dark expeditions, hopeful but still somber in nature - some gospel elements. X Ambassadors’ more popular ‘Renegades’ is also a fun tavern song.
Come on, carry your flame
Carry it higher
Leave it in the darkness
Carry your torches
29. ‘Passing Afternoon’ - Iron & Wine
This is a song I use for reconciliation or domestic scenes - Dismas with Junia in the garden, for example. It’s soft and kind of meandering, and features vintage piano - you know, the piano you heard in the basement of your church turned community center as a child.
There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms
30. ‘Some Nights’ - Fun.
You know this song, your mom knows this song, everyone knows this song from like, middle school. Thought it’d be fun to end this list on an uplifting and very popular song. This is the song that a Disney adaptation of Darkest Dungeon would use in the Training Montage™ - from the point of view of Reynauld. It hits all of the points - being their commander rather than their equal, his stern and antisocial zealotry with no true ideology behind it, the ghost of his wife.
Verse 2, starting with “Well, that is it, guys, that is all / Five minutes in and I'm bored again” is where I see it transitioning to Dismas.
Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win (I always win)
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for?
What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know
_____
Well that’s all from me! Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the replies, and I’d love to know what you think about my personal picks. :+)
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Do you have any songs for the TF2 Mercs? Sort've like their theme or just songs when you listen you think of them?
Sorry this took a bit, I needed to find some good songs! I'm such a huge fan of music (I don't really want a career in making it or anything, I just really like it!) So I'm gonna give each character 5 songs each, but seeing as I'm not as in-tune with a few of them… this was a bit hard to put together, but I think I’m fairly happy with the results!
Engineer: Cabinet Man - Lemon Demon : That's Okay - The Hush Sound : Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin : Rooster - Alice in Chains : Old Town Road - Lil Nas X. The first song is a bit out of place, but I like to think Engie is just a lil’ more in love with his work than most folk. Other than that song, I tried choosing a few softer songs as well as country ones, or just ones that reminded me of him. I hope you’ll like them!
Demoman: The Beer - Kimya Dawson : High Hopes - Panic! At The Disco : Gasoline - Halsey : Amsterdam - Imagine Dragons : Hey, Asshole - Watsky. I’m not as knowledgeable of Demo’s lore, but from what I’ve read, I really like him, and I think he could relate with a few more depressing songs, while still wanting to blast some happy tunes! A lot of contrast with these songs, but I think they fit Demo well!
Soldier: Popopo - Steampianist : Burn - Admiral Fallow : The Weight of Us - Sanders Bohlke : The House That Heaven Built - Japandroids : This is War - Thirty Seconds to Mars. A lot of war related songs, as well as just songs about wanting to be greater than you are, even when it’s hard. That’s the sort of vibe I get from Soldier- you know, other than being Feral- and I tried to incorporate those things into this mini playlist!
Medic: Touch-Tone Telephone - Lemon Demon : Control - Halsey : Lent - Autoheart : When You're Evil - Voltaire : Handlebars - Flobot. I like to call Medic’s mini playlist “I’m Feral and I Don’t Care How You Feel About it!” All in all, very dramatic and vicious playlist, but let’s be real, that pretty much sums up Medic as a whole.
Heavy: Kids - MGMT : Idioteque - Radiohead : Zombie - The Cranberries : Your Best American Girl - Mitski : Work Song - Hozier : The Call - Regina Spektor. I struggled a lot with Heavy’s playlist, as I have a bit of trouble trying to get who he is as a character, but at the end of the day, I think he cares deeply for his family and teammates, and would enjoy songs about working hard, trying to fit in, and tragic childhoods.
Pyro: Little Game - Benny : Billions of Eyes - Lady Lamb and the Beekeeper : Edge of Town - Middle Kids : Elevator Operator - Courtney Barnett. Very happy go lucky playlist for the most part, with a pinch of LGBT undertones from the first song. I dunno, I just want Pyro to be happy!
Sniper: Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland : Johnny Boy - Twenty One Pilots : Future Me Hates Me - The Beths : Lemon Boy - Cavetown : Fill in the Blank - Car Seat Headrest. Oof ouch, the bushman be depressed and honestly I feel that on an emotional level. Lots of sad songs, but with a hint of Sniper wanting to feel better and work hard!
Spy: Pigeon - Cavetown : Not the Ghost - The Crane Wives : Problems - Mother Mother : When I'm Gone - Eminem : Tarifa - Sharon Van Etten. Now we’re in the big leagues (aka why I made this 5 for each and not just 3); I get the feeling that Spy is rather self-destructive, at least when it comes to forming relationships, and I tried to convey that through my song choices, as well as songs about wanting to be there for someone *cough* his son *cough*.
Scout: Devil Town V3 - Cavetown : peacefall - Purity Ring : Hey, Ma - Bon Iver : Squealing Pigs - Admiral Fallow : Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons. As usual when answering Scout questions, I project, but hey, I think this time it’s pretty valid! Most of the themes for Scout’s playlist are about growing up, and the unwillingness to, as well as dealing with frustration and homesickness.
BONUS Miss Pauling: Help - Pink Guy : Pristine - Snail Mail : Don't Let's Start - They Might Be Giants : Today Today - Jack Stauber : Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko. Gay rights (I think it’s canon that she’s a lesbian??? Man I gotta read the fucking comics). Bit of depression paired with women being badass af in this playlist!
BONUS The Administrator: Oh No! - Marina and the Diamonds : Matilda - alt-J : Big God - Florence and the Machine : Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin : Army of Me - Björk. I may as well have asked the Administrator to step on me with this playlist; lot’s of selfishness and a longing for power for her songs!
BONUS Scout's Mom: My Mom - Kimya Dawson : Fast Car - Tracy Chapman : Your Ex-Lover Is Dead - Stars : I Will Wait - Mumford & Sons : 1985 - Bowling For Soup. Gosh, I miss my mom... anyways, I think Scout’s mom is a good mama, and even though I also think she’s been through a lot, she still loves her kid and husband, even if they’re far from home at the moment!
I went a bit overboard, didn’t I? Oh well, this was very fun to do, so thank you so much for the ask!
#supercasey askies#anonomi#tf2#tf2 headcanons#tf2 engineer#tf2 engie#tf2 demoman#tf2 demo#tf2 soldier#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#tf2 pyro#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#tf2 scout#tf2 ms pauling#tf2 miss pauling#tf2 administrator#tf2 scout's mom#tf2 mercs
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Instructions: Always repost with the rules, answer the 11 random questions left for you and leave 11 more for the people you tag!
TAGGED BY: @conorbyrne ( ilu )
TAGGING: whomstever. don’t wanna swamp y’alls notifs again, but do tag me in it so i can see ur answers
QUESTIONS TO ANSWER
1. make a mini-playlist for the day & post links please?!
don’t really jive to music nowadays, because i’m stuck in podcast land. but here’s a really small, hilarious podcast. check it out!
2. what is the book you are currently reading or the last one you finished? how’d you like it?
... well. currently isn’t the right word, because i stopped.. like 1/3 from the ending and forgot to continue it ( like a clown, i know ). but it’s song of achilles and i really enjoyed it. gonna get on circe next once i’m... eventually done with it.
3. how are we feeling about 2021 so far?
it’s somethin’, ain’t it? not as brutal for me, personally, but there’s still a ton of time for that to change.
4. name one piece of media that has gone through a recent critical re-evaluation that you really loved to see.
i cannot think of a single thing for the life of me. so i’ll just.. say what i rewatch / read / listened to recently?? on my third rerun of schitt’s creek ‘cause that’s my emotional support show. relistening to the magnus archives bc i’m clearly a glutton for pain when it comes to 230273205 seasons of dense material.
5. please describe your character ( for multi, pick one ), badly!
a fucking rat bastard, and can be an actual rat, that will absolutely gnaw on your ankle if close enough while simultaneously stealing your wallet.
6. what is your favorite scent in the world? describe it!
wow what a toughie. i’d have to go with fresh laundry but mainly in the form of blankets and pillow. fresh from the dryer and you just swaddle yourself and i just get immense peace from it.
7. how involved in politics are you?
not that involved if i’m being real honest. i don’t go searching for the latest news ( even though i should, i know ), and happen to hear tidbits from friends that are more involved.
8. how deep into astrology are you? what’s your sign, babey?!
not that deep but i think it’s fun! i’m a taurus and... a cancer in something??????????
9. i want 1 (one) unpopular opinion about food!
tapioca pudding is horrid. i dont care if grits and oatmeal are of the sameish texture ( altho i loathe grits ). i dont want to be gummin’ that shit unless i don’t have any teeth left.
10. what is a current fad in the rpc community that you dislike?
god i’ve honestly like given up caring for just about everything in the rpc at this point. idk if it’s considered a fad, but i’m real tired of the members vs. admins debate that’s been circulating. it’s a push and pull y’all. both sides gotta put in some work for a rpg to take off and stay active. indie wise ig folks that only base their decision to interact based off of fcs alone. it’s weird. stop it.
11. anyways, what’s the hot gossip? i love some drama. online or offline.
i haven’t come by anything hinky on here recently thank goodness. used to get plagued with that kinda stuff, but it’s all old news ( altho i do have some inch resting rp horror stories if any mutuals want to know just dm me ).
the only hot gos i have is about work. apparently one of my coworkers had driven himself up the wall, because he didn’t like the election turnout. huge conspiracy theorist in regards to covid and all of that. and he hadn’t been in work because he was admitted into a mental hospital so uh.. there’s that.
MY QUESTIONS FOR YOU
1. favorite type of clothing ( regardless of if you wear it or not )?
2. what’s a favorite thing you did pre-covid?
3. what’s a recent accomplishment that brought you some amount of joy ( doesn’t have to be a huge thing btw )?
4. what’s a show / movie / book / etc. that you’ve repeated several times? and if you haven’t ( no shame in that ), what’s something that you could see the potential in repeating?
5. describe your muse ( one muse if you’re a mumu ) with a meme or tiktok.
6. anything you’re excited for this year?
7. have.. you been hydrating? please do if you haven’t :(
8. favorite quote?
9. if you had to choose to be a creature of any element, what would you choose?
10. what space do you feel the most comfortable in?
11. i’m always going to ask this at least once... how’ve you been, bud?
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