#this is why i could never be on twitter tbqh
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#i have been betrayed by the 10-option limit#but even more so by the character limit per option#tumblr how am i meant to express the nuance of betrayal in 80 characters#this is why i could never be on twitter tbqh#polls#betrayals the surest way to my heart#id fodder
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May I ask why under construction is going to be your final kylux fic?? I'm gonna miss your writing for them if that becomes true 😭
So I talked a little bit about this on twitter, but tbh should’ve here both because half my audience is here and also because tumblr actually has the room for a complete explanation without worrying about character limits lmao
At this point, I don’t intend to stop writing star wars stuff completely if that’s any comfort. I have some renbens I want to do/finish, also a recent bentai idea, plus who knows what inspiration will strike. Even kylux inspo is possible, especially if we get new stuff at some point (like perhaps that comic in august). Nothing is set in stone here. I never thought I’d actually be at a point where this fic feels finishable lmao, yet here I am, so who knows
However, I have been writing kylux for over 7 years now. I posted that moodboard on my anniversary of the first fic I published, though I was reading fic and stuff for a few months before that as well. And it’s just… after this fic is complete, I’m not sure I’ll have anything left to add to kylux, you know? With it, I feel like I’m saying everything that I want to say about them. Writing this, as both rough and rewarding a journey it has been, feels a lot like closure to me. Tbqh I’m expecting a lot of people not to like the subject matter or agree with some things regarding this fic, but for the first time in a while, it really is about me and what I want. It’s a story I have to tell - that’s why it’s driven me mad for 3.5 years lmao. And after it’s done? I’m not sure what will be left to say. Maybe something, in which case more kylux will happen, but also maybe nothing. Essentially, I’m preparing both myself and the people I care about in this fandom (including lovely readers like you) for the latter just in case it is what happens, even though it may not. Maybe when I post it, it’ll get a ton of love and I’ll get flooded with sudden inspo. But maybe not. Everything has to end eventually, sadly, and this just feels to me like an ending, like the closing of a chapter. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s just the feeling I have. I’m going with my gut here rather than a specific plan
Also, as much as I have people in this fandom I truly care about and adore and I have people who care about and like me, whether we’re close friends, mutuals, or just a follower and a person that have never spoken to each other yet the care is there regardless, there’s also some elements to this fandom that are not so great. I know a lot of people who’ve been driven out. I myself was cancelled on twitter for running a particular event and the rest of the fandom hasn’t treated me the same since. The fandom has changed a lot in those 7 years, some of which is for the better, and some of which I think we could’ve done without. Plenty has also stayed the same; both the good and the bad. And I think the fandom as it is today and what I want to get out of it are just unfortunately incompatible. It’s no ones fault, but sometimes a space isn’t giving you what you need it to. I wish it could still give me that, I really really do, but right now it just seems it can’t. And that’s not the entirety of the reason, but it is a factor as to why I’m not as interested in continuing as I once was. I’m just not getting what I need out of the fandom right now. Again, everything is mutable, but it’s felt that way for a bit now
All that being said though, kylux will still very much exist on this blog. I still very much enjoy the ship and I don’t have a new fandom to move to permanently as of yet, so reblogs will continue, as will shitposting and memes and all of it. I recently finished collecting all the tweets I want to preserve here, so there will be an influx of posts, ficlets, memes, all of it, that will be coming sometime in the near future (whenever I have the energy to actually start the process lmao). This is still the kyluxtrashpit, after all lmao
So I’m not leaving the fandom by any stretch, it’s just that I feel like this fic will say all the things I have left to say about kylux. And because the fandom space isn’t giving me what I’m looking for at the moment, I have less interest in seeking out inspiration and rather am letting ideas to come to me, which at present I just don’t have any more beyond this fic. I could be wrong and who knows, maybe there’s another 7 years of kylux ahead of me lmao. But I want everyone who’s supported me at any point during these last 7 years to know ahead of time that it is very possible for this to be my last fic for kylux because I think that’s the least I can do for you all
#I hope this answer explains it well enough#I could still write more kylux#it’s possible#but it’s also very possible I will not and I want to be transparent with the people who’ve made this fandom experience great#that is: my readers#but more sw will happen#and I have a ton of stuff to bring over from twitter#and I’m really excited about this fic#so please don’t be too sad I promise this isn’t the final end of everything forever#ask tag#anon#text#long post
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For me, it depends on the media and how personally attached to it, or the way I'm attached to it, how much I will or won't care about ships in that media, and going another level down, how much the Problematic* ships bother me.
It also matters how the fandom interacts with these things when they're present.
Spardacest shippers have always been aggressive, rude, and far too pervasive in the main fandom space to be able to brush under the rug as the usual Fandom Space Weirdos.
Story context is definitely a big factor too; to take the Sparda family relationships and make them into something sexual inherently cheapens EVERYTHING about the narrative, and I'm deeply opposed to that. Like I find it to be the same kind of disrespectful as that one girl that was being really loud in the DMC tags about how Vergil was a prime example toxic masculinity, that he didn't deserve his redemption arc, while being Big Mad that V wasn't a separate character from Vergil for her to Kylo Ren simp for. The kind of disrespectful where it's like, "Why are you here? Are you even paying attention to the games you're playing?"
Censorship is a slippery slope that honestly terrifies me quite a bit coming out of a really strict Christian upbringing, so I hesitate to align myself with the side of the argument that wants to purge these things from existence, because I know from experience that it will never stop with just the stuff that people like you and I find distasteful or even triggering.
I do wish this stuff could stay on a place like fuckin. Rule 34 or something though. Keep the Nasty shit sequestered somewhere where the common folk don't have to risk having a Bad Time just scrolling through their comfort media.
I've been doing a lot of research into psychosexual pathologies recently and it's... a fucking rabbit hole of an endeavor lemme tell you. Some things in this vein are more complicated than I could have ever imagined, the kinda stuff that keeps my eyebrows at my hairline the entire time, and tbqh, sometimes it really is better to just back away slowly and pretend You Did Not See.
I guess my personal bottom line is I'd rather devote my time and energy to intervening in cases where an actual, living, breathing person is being harmed or exploited, rather than wasting energy running around in circles arguing with horny jackasses whomst don't care about making other people profoundly uncomfortable, or even causing them to walk right into triggers like a field of rakes.
Feels real "get a fucking room" vibes as I smash the block button.
I full heartingly agree, I know there's no getting through to them at the end of the day. They're stubborn that way and it's just arguing with a brick wall each time you interact with them and it's exhausting. I try not to talk about this matter too much because like you said, there's better things to do with time and again it as a topic is a bit triggering for me but sometimes you have to address it at sometimes because they're fucking everywhere and they don't keep their shit on places like r34 or some shit like that just ugh 😑 you have to get something out or you're head will explode.
And yeah it does feel like they don't get the whole family narrative dmc has had since the very beginning they just turn everything sexual when those things were never supposed to have that intent.
I've never heard of the whole "toxic masculinity vergil" thing but like I said in an earlier post about the early days of pre launch of dmc 5 and those fans getting mad over the V twist... it lines up.
But hell I've seen a Spardacest shipper on twitter before claim Kyrie is "abusive" to Nero just because apparently (according to this person) she was the one responsible for taking the foster kids in and Nero had no say in it (also according to this person) and that it's her fault that Nero goes out to work in old ragged clothes and only accepted food as payment instead of money so he can't buy new clothes, guess what? All according to this person using the before the nightmare novel as "evidence" but also admitting to never reading the damn thing to know any context about the points they made and if they actually read the summary or the translations they would've known it all wasn't just "big bad abusive Kyrie's" choices, just taking the ball and running with it all because Kyrie got in the way of their ""ship""
It just baffles me of all the hoops they go through to justify this shit, but again I do try my best to just block and ignore it but I've been in this fandom for years and it's just impossible to miss this type of shit that slips through the cracks and maybe just watching them also making themselves look fucking stupid also makes me feel better on the whole trigger thing.
Anyway, if I'm ever asked further on this I'll answer and restate my stance but anyhow I'm not letting them ruin my fandom experience, I've dealt with this shit long before and I don't doubt it'll ever go away. I'll just block, block, block every time I see it and watch the clownshow of ""justification"" that slips through the cracks.
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Yugioh Ep 32 S4: Most Disturbing Kid’s Show Award Goes to This Episode
I often talk about how wonderfully effed up Yugioh is. What a freakin delight, how effed up this kid’s show is, somehow still remaining a Y7 kid’s show, despite everything it tries to do to get pulled off the air.
Y’all this was a filler season and it didn’t even have Bakura in it so...why did it go so edge? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for how many levels of “OK THERE, KID’S SHOW” it was.
But what the hell was that, Yugioh?
Anyway we start off completely normal in this foggy ass graveyard--Halloweens in this season so I’m down for this. Halloween is also...cancelled...this year, so at least I can celebrate it somewhat in a Yugioh episode. Then again, can you imagine how many people would be dressed up as sexy Covid?
So I don’t really talk about the card game mechanics on here, and (full disclosure to any new people) I don’t know how to play this game. But, considering that this card doesn’t usually send you to distant graveyard memories IRL, lets get into it.
We’ve clarified before that Card Graveyard is a place--like an actual place--but that it isn’t the same place that the cards vibe in within the Puzzle necklace. It’s a separate place, but ALSO not the same place as the Shadow Realm, either. Card Graveyard is just...some other third place we never talk about.
TBQH I think the people who make this show have kinda forgotten how many random pocket dimensions we’ve made that are basically the equivalent of hell (including California, PS), and are just like “no one will write a blog about it and list them all in one place, we’ll be fine.”
We’ve only seen Tristan bum out here once in like S1 and he spent most of his time running away from the Grim Reaper. But, if you remember correctly, the Grim Reaper is currently hanging out and living his best life haunting some park in Japan, so now instead of the Grim Reaper it has...this?
So is this a memory stored within the card graveyard, or did Dartz literally take Raphael to the card graveyard and tell him this was a real ass graveyard?
We’ll never know! It gets very vague from here on out!
(read more under the cut)
First off, I’d like to welcome our new guest star--the Rain--there’s a lot of rain in this episode, and we animate it by just making all of our characters glow. This comes through fine in animation, but in caps I just want you to know that no one has gone super Saiyan, they’re just...wet.
PS get a gander at Raphael’s baby boy mutton chop mustache. They somehow got longer with time? And also, when soaked his hair is just as spiky. Everyone on this show has unparalleled hair gel. The real heart of the cards.
Anyway, Dartz shows Raphael a bunch of gravestones and is like “Get it???”
and me, the audience, was like “no???”
The headstones, by the by, aren’t...normal, either, they have Orichalcos symbols on them instead of words. So like...it sort of infers that his family was taken by Orichalcos, too. I mentioned before that it sorta feels like Dartz caused the whole shipwreck to munch up a bunch of yummy souls, and maybe he did in the Japanese version--cuz like...
...why else do all these headstones have Orichalcos symbols on this graveyard that you can only access through a card god like Dartz or Yami?
Just throwing that deep lore out there, and the fact that Raphael can’t really see it or understand is either because that didn’t happen or...Dartz totally killed his family, right? And that makes this relationship between the two of them extremely effed up?
This is a great show for kids with separation anxiety.
Which is...somewhat convincing of a motive for Raphael. He gives Raphael a way to move on from his trauma in the past, and it’s not a GREAT way to move on--but it’s falls in line with things Dartz has done with his other card generals by offering false redemption.
Like Mai needed to move on from her insane jealousy, so Orichalcos was her way to prove she was better than Joey Wheeler (which, honestly, no one needed proof of). Alister needed to move on from his dead brother, so Orichalcos was his way to get revenge. Valon also had a backstory but a bunch of it got deleted in the English version apparently so...
And Rex and Weevil needed...cards? I guess? I think they just needed a ride, mostly. And Orichalcos can give you a ride. It’s not like we had Uber in 2003 and clearly they were not fit for Caltrain.
And like Gurimo.............existed...?
Anyways, they’re looking for justice that they can see. Justice for their pain. To make that pain worth something for more than just suffering. A system where this type of thing can’t happen anymore. But the thing about justice is that...eh...it’s probably not done through cards that kill people.
OH OK, KID’S SHOW.
Mmmmm take in that burying up your grave imagery. Again, this show is rated Y7 for 7 year olds, and I think that’s amazing.
Anyway, this is symbolism that is so heavy handed that it really needs no explanation, so he’s just gonna dig dig dig for...days I guess? Relive his trauma over and over again? Dig up that past like you’re a popular artist on twitter and you gotta make all of your followers relive that time you got called out because you offended a hell ton of people?
(Which is so many people on art twitter right now, ps, you don’t even know which one I’m talking about because It’s SO MANY of them. Art twitter during Quarantine is like watching the fall of Rome but it’s freakin Art Twitter. Everyone’s the freakin worst and just poopin all over themselves as they roll all the way down the steps.)
But I want to know. Who’s grave this is? It has a slightly different meaning if it were his family’s or his own. I guess I’ll have to save it for the fanfiction.
And so to add another level of spook, Raphael’s card mom shows up and kinda just stands there with a sad face?
Raphael’s reaction to seeing his card just alive and hanging out was “I’ll get to you in a sec, I gotta do some unforgivable evil, first.“
WHERE DID THEY GO?
These two shots are like nearly back to back. They’re just GONE. No explanation.
And yes I’m gonna talk about the outfit because it makes no freakin sense, even for a Yugioh card. Granted, this was a show made in Japan, for kids, with a budget that had a limit. A lot of people get involved with these productions, many aren’t artists or historians versed in American History, just basic ass business people. That be TV.
But her outfit looks waaay too modern. Like she’s gonna go to a musical festival, drop acid and climb on top of a statue and take a bunch of instagram selfies and regret all of them 4 years later. If these are Atlantean cards, this is not an Atlantis outfit to match with Dartz, who has been dressed vaguely medieval. So whyyyyy would this girl be dressed more like a vague old western costume bought at a discount so she could vogue in front of installation art at Burning Man in 2008?
Anyway, I won’t even get into the bird that is slowly devouring her face as a stand in for a headdress or wtv. Just a lot of stuff happening here and I just wanna say, Yugioh did it so you won’t need to. Just delete that desire. Yugioh already did it so you are now free from wanting to draw...anything like this problematic situation on your own OCs.
And then Yugioh predicts exactly how I’d feel about this outfit.
And she then lights ON FIRE and falls dead into the grave he just buried for her.
And in case you were like “kinda on the nose there, Yugioh, that got DARK” she climbs out of his own grave with a spooky ass face and no more coconuts to share with her bros and he’s like...
Rapheal’s reaction was like...Ya OK I can get used to this, and Yami is just pointing at the scene desperately trying to follow Raphael’s brain waves.
And like, this is YAMI.
Yami just walked through Yugi Hell earlier today. He’s seen some stuff. He’s already undug his own grave this morning in a more poetic card sort of way. But Raphael’s memories of literally digging up his family’s graves with his bare hands because Dartz told him to was...stuff he didn’t want to see today. (especially since it’s super suggested Dartz was the one who...murdered them in the first place, like I know it’s a reach but...it just feels like we were supposed to reach that conclusion)
But whether or not Dartz put the bodies here or gave Raphael a bunch of phoney graves, Raphael is still essentially siding with the guy who ruined the only thing he has left of his family--this paper card mom--and turned it into an undead evil Mom. And it just had...no freakin impact on Raphael at all.
Like what?
He just murdered your card mom. This is fine?
Card shenanigans continue and Raphael eventually realizes what he should have realized like 10 years ago when he was digging up graves and killing card Mom’s. That maybe it’s a bad idea. So Raphael decides to sacrifice his remaining monsters to “free” them from the graveyard and basically commits suicide. There’s no other way to say it, really. He kills himself.
But wait, right when you figure this episode will end like every other Orichalcos fight before it...They decide not to.
Like an angel from heaven, our drunk ass looking music concert reject descends from the clouds, along with all of Raphael's dead family members!
Yeah.
I REALLY didn’t expect them to show up. This was so much content it’s like...an entire season of any other TV show. I say that a lot with Yugioh but these episodes really like to just jam-pack it in there.
And here I thought I’d actually have to take them off the Death Count one day. Here I thought 4 kids would do something to like...prevent this many dead kids, but I was wrong.
Everyone’s HELLA DEAD.
it’s both vindicating to actually say that, despite 4kids, these kids absolutely died, but also disturbing because even Raphael is like “ah, the hallucinations today are really swell, right?”
NO, GHOST CHILD.
DON’T TELL ME THAT.
And I’ve been over before how “heart of the cards” is a catch-all phrase that can mean literally anything in this show, and it’s not the first time that cards have kept someone’s spirit around. No word on his family members if they are thrilled to be trapped in a Pharaoh situation, or whether they only occasionally drop from the heavens, or whether they have actually been the spirit that was within each of these cards the whole time. I don’t know.
And so the card family “cures” one of the most evil people on this show.
He’s fine now. This guy murdered the hell out of Yugi, our main character, but don’t think nor worry about it. This isn’t the show to worry about such things.
This show has Marik.
Bro and I were talking Star Wars the other day, and mostly about the Kylo Ren arc and how a lot of people happened to dislike that particular ending. Mostly about how there is a difference between your character being redeemed and being forgiven. I think this children’s show wants to redeem Raphael, but honestly, much like Kylo Ren--he’s just forgiven. And that’s fine. You don’t need to have your characters redeemed. We can stop at forgiveness.
And also, Yami forgives him immediately because he knows he can’t throw a single damn stone, his house is made out of 2 mm of extremely problematic glass.
Man, RIP Weevil, right?
Weevil who just pretended to rip up a card that could have been Yugi and got tossed off the freakin Caltrain? Raphael got off so freakin lucky and I am boggled he’s still alive. He freakin killed Yugi!
The injustice to Weevil right now, omg. Not like I enjoy Weevil. I super don’t enjoy that character. But DAMN. Yami murdered Weevil for even mentioning Yugi. Just feels like there’s a bit of a hypocritical line here in how the justice is dished out and...that tracks for a Pharaoh so I’ll just let it go.
And also, looking at that sunshine and I’m pretty sure they’ve been up over 48 straight hours. No one’s slept since Yugi died, right? I mean Yami is fine. We know from Bakura that puzzle people don’t need to sleep, or eat, or have blood in their body. But like Seto really needs to get Mokuba to bed.
(Although I am 85% positive that Mokuba is still part Noah Kaiba so it is...also unlikely that kid sleeps anymore, just leaving Mokuba’s future therapist so much to unpack.)
The GALL of this show right now.
Of all the generals--they saved RAPHAEL? Arguably the worst one?
I would take even Alister. I would take even Weevil.
Raphael?
I mean if he ends up as the next Duke Devlin, just driving us around for the final season of this show I guess I’ll accept this but, damn.
Raphael?
Are you sure, Yugioh???????????????????????????????????
Can’t we just let that guy die? He’s basically dead already, Yugioh. This guy does NOT want to be alive anymore. Literally everyone he cares about is super dead and now he doesn’t even have Card mom because she sacrificed herself to save his soul. This GUY.
I can’t believe Mai is dead but we still have Raphael.
The same disappointment when I watch British Bake off, man, they just...sometimes they save people and I’m like...no man...that one can’t bake. Just because they pulled something off last second does not mean they get to the semifinals. Raphael can’t bake.
Anyway, the episode attempts to end on a cliffhanger but like.
Just want to reiterate how common and boring Earthquakes usually are to a Californian. This was the most normal thing in this episode.
Man.
Freakin Raphael.
Anyway, if you just got here and is like “I don’t know who the hell Raphael even is,” Yeah, I know, I didn’t think twice about the dude until like just now, but if it’s because you’ve never seen my recaps before, I’ll direct you to the link to read these in Chrono order:
https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono
Anyway, stay safe and have a very happy and safe Halloween alone eating your own carmel dipped apple slices.
#yugioh#ygo#recap#photo recap#yami muto#seto kaiba#raphael#weird redemption arc#tristan taylor#tea gardner#mokuba kaiba#joey wheeler#'s still a corpse#someone digs up their own grave at some point#it gets very dark for a character I have literally no interest in#and then like they're cured? freakin#this one was like for the Raphael fans in the house#shout out to you guys I know you must exist or else why is this episode even here?
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I hope this isn't too weird of a message to send, but doesn't it seem like Jonawagon doujinshi are pretty uncommon? I've only seen maybe 3 posted online & I have a copy of a SpeedJona doujin but aside from those I haven't come across any. Is it like a rare pairing or something? I thought they were fairly popular
It isn’t weird at all, anon! All the opposite actually, cause I love getting asks even if i'm not always around or it sometimes takes me a hot minute to get to them gfjhkjh
This is gonna be long and probs gonna have bits that might sound rant-ish to some, but I hope that’s alright! :'D
For starters, sadly, jonawagon/jonaspeed/speedjona or however you call the ship is quite an underrated ship. This has to do partly with the wrong perceptions some folks have built around it and around the characters as well (that them both and the couple itself are the epitome of "purity" and "innocence", sometimes even labelling them as "boring" as a result even though both characters are far from that, that "it could only be a one-sided thing" on Spw's end despite both showing and sharing a certain bond/closeness towards each other -closeness that sometimes Jonathan didn't show towards anyone else-, etc), partly because of the many timeskips in PB and all the scenes the anime cut out and people wrongly assuming that the main events happened in the span of a few days and thus people dropping the ball on the ship/characters when Jonathan and Speedwagon actually knew each other for as long -sometimes even longer- than other more popular characters/ships in jjba did, partly because neither Jonathan or Speedwagon are as popular as other characters in the franchise as a whole, and also partly because, as sad as it is to say this, the ship lacks a LOT of support, especially from it's own fanbase. While jonawagon is a popular and well liked ship overall (in the sense that even general fans who don't care much about shipping, or those who are still on the fence about mlm ships, or those who just don't actively ship jonawagon actually like and support the ship or the idea of it upon seeing the actual dynamics between the characters and their potential and the fact that the ship can actually coexist with jonaeri without altering the characters/making them ooc, nor altering the story and so on), it still lacks a lot of support from it's fans. I often see most other ships/characters get lots of reblogs and exposure from their fans on literally any and all platforms, helping those ships/characters reach new audiences and gaining more popularity and drawing interest from potential new fans, while jonawagon stuff as well as solo Jonathan or Speedwagon stuff usually only get likes and a few reblogs at most from their fans, which is nice and all, but it doesn't give the artists/writers any exposure nor get those works or the ship any farther than that and just keeps them within part of the already existing fanbase at best, which often times makes the artists/content creators lose interest in continuing to create stuff for the ship/characters. This is also why I always strongly ask -almost beg at this point ngl- for people to support the artists/writers/etc via reblogs!!
The ship having a bunch of different names also might have an impact on all of this, as it's not always as 'easy' to tag/find contents if you don't know how to tag/search for it. Jonawagon (normally used in the western parts of the fandom), JonaSpeed/SpeedJona (Western version of the ship's most popular names in Japanese: ジョナスピ/スピジョナ or JonaSupi/SupiJona respectively], SpeedStar (a name that became a bit more popular more recently after a mini jonawagon event in 2019), being the most common ones afaik, asides from the standard JonathanxSpeedwagon/SpeedwagonxJonathan ie and others. In short, Jonathan and Speedwagon as well as jonawagon are quite well liked and even popular to an extent, but they lack a massive amount of support from the fans, which also usually translates into artists and content creators for this ship losing interest in continuing to create new material for it and thus end up not making any more contents.
In regards to doujinshi more specifically, I’m a bit disconnected when it comes to Jojo doujinshi in general, but it seems to be a bit like that for most of the non "crazy popular" Jojo ships if you ask me, which is kinda normal considering the massive amount of characters in the whole series. Putting my experience as example, if it helps, I used to collect doujinshi from one of my previous fandoms, which had a shit ton of them for plenty of it’s ships and it was somewhat easy to acquire hard copies of despite it being an “old anime” basically while most Jojo doujinshi (especially anything that is not parts 3, 4 and 5) seems to be a bit hard to come across regardless of the ship(s) in them, even in auction sites or places like pixiv that sell digital copies if the author puts them up on sale, which is understandable since the aforementioned parts are some of the most popular parts in Japan, where most doujinshi is created, and thus take most of the fandom's interest -authors’ and readers’ alike-, as well as the hype for parts like Phantom Blood being long dead (with it being dead/dormant since the original airing of the anime ended in 2013, and it coming back ocassionally whenever there's a 'special' re-airing of PB in Japan or when events such as the Joestar Radio take place), so maybe my parameters on the whole subject are somewhat disproportionate?
This is also gonna sound all boomer-like, but I’ve also noticed, or it seems to me at least (still in comparison to the doujinshi from my previous fandom), that doujinshi books as we knew them aren’t /as/ common nowadays as they used to be a while back. Even the works themselves don’t seem to be much that way either. For example, doujinshi anthologies used to be a big thing a while back and, while they still exist, they don’t seem to be too common anymore (these worked as "promo books" of sorts for all the artists featured and they also helped lesser known/popular artists and ships to get some exposure to newer audiences). Nowadays such thing still exists, and I actually recall seeing a Jonaspeed/Speedjona anthology being made “recently” (recently as in 2019, if I’m not mistaken? it was published and sold during the mini Jonaspeed event they held at a Jojo con in Japan that year), but they aren’t nearly as common as they used to be, since now most artists can post any samples they want (much more reduced tho, cause you normally get a few pages instead of a full mini story) in places like Twitter or Pixiv. And it’s kinda the same with regular doujinshi. Before, most doujinkas had to publish a book in order to get their stuff out and get some exposure, so they were always working on new stories and making new books to sell and promoing their stuff, sometimes one after the other and even creating multi-volume stories in some cases. Now, thanks to how "easy" it is to get some exposure on social media, it’s much more common to see doujinkas for any ships/characters making short stories (1-4 pages, sometimes more) or just 1 page illustrations instead and posting them on their social media every now and then as a promo for their works. They also still make and sell their books (a few jonawagon artists on twitter do, at least), and these short stories/illustrations serve to boost their works instead, which is not a complain at all cause I think it's amazing tbqh! But this also translates into less stories/doujinshi being created as many of these artists often opt for leaving those stories that years ago would have been their own book or a mini story in a book as a prompt or a short story only.
As for actual jonawagon doujinshi, while it is not as common as say pt 3 doujinshi, there is quite a bunch of it. Some date from 2012-2013 (when the PB anime was originally aired), some are much older than that and some others are much more recent (as there are still some active jonawagon doujinkas around). There are also "fanfic books" that are also considered doujinshi and that seem to be a thing sometimes, but these contain little to no art at all and are usually written 100% in Japanese. The problem here is that not many of them have been scanlated/translated yet, sometimes because they aren't easy to find on sale online, sometimes because re-sellers who do have them set high prices for them plus shipping costs, sometimes because the artists/online shops won't sell stuff overseas, sometimes because those who do own doujinshi copies don't always know how to properly share them (since scanning a doujinshi in high or decent quality without destroying the book can be hard af) among other reasons.
All that said, there is a bunch of jonawagon doujinshi that has been scanned and is available online! but it can be tricky to get sometimes due to the different names this ship can go by and because of the "translations" of said names into different languages (as some doujinshi can only be found in Chinese sites, or Russian ones, and so on for example, so it can take some serious time to figure that out and have a successful search).
In all honesty, anon, I'm a dumdum and I had never thought about doing so in a more public manner until now, since I've already shared my entire jonawagon collection (pics, doujins, etc) with friends who have requested it more privately, but I can upload the doujins I have scans of if anyone's interested?? (I’d post the links where I found most of them but since my hd is pretty much dead and I can’t access Windows or my windows/mozilla profile, I’ve p much lost all my old bookmarks).
They were only like... 8 last time I checked (9/10 if you count the Japanese and English versions of the "Joestarsaaaaan" one), but it's something :D Just be aware that some of them are nsfw! and that a couple are either part of a book that has stories from other ships in them (I only have the jonawagon parts tho) or contain other ships implied or openly shown in the jonawagon story.
I also have about 4 more, but the scanlator of one of them openly requested for the file to not be reuploaded, so Idk if it'd be alright to share it? (and they also deactivated their blog, so there's no way to ask them for permission). The other 3 are scans a friend sent to me of their own doujinshi copies, so I also don't know if it would be okay for me to post them?? (i haven't seen this friend in over a year so idk gfhgjkjlkñ). 2 of those 3 are nsfw.
#long post#super long actually oof#sorry about that#i tried to make this shorter#i swear#orz#anonymous
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Hi c: I remember a post, I think it was from you, about long covid and getting it? Was that you? A friend of mine is struggling and I was wondering if you had any advice about what she can do :< Thank you!!
Oh no, I hope your friend feels better soon! That might have been me, I think I posted about it here a few times and there have definitely been twitter threads.
Standard disclaimer stuff: I am not a doctor. What I found helped me might not help someone else. Long covid is kind of fucked up to deal with because it seems to hit everyone in different ways, in different areas, and months later something that wasn't a problem before can suddenly become one. The long haul groups talk about it as something that feels like it moves around the body, like a total shit gremlin.
The thing that helped me the most initially was joining the facebook groups with other people figuring shit out. This was back April/May for me but they're still very active and full of people sharing resources.
Survivor Corps is I think the big one and they've been the ones reaching out to media and doctors to try to gain some recognition with the medical community initially (as far as I know, all kind of a blur tbh). There's also a long covid group here, and if your friend searches for like, long covid + the country they're in there are usually more local/regional ones for resources closer to home too.
Because we don't really know what specific mechanism is triggering a lot of the long covid stuff yet, most of us are just treating symptoms. Some people have been diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and I don't know diddly squat about that but it might be something for your friend to look into. My whole thing has been inflammation and my immune system basically attacking itself because immune systems are both very complex and compellingly fucking stupid. Not to victim blame the immune system or anything.
What helped me depended on what was going wrong at the time, obv, but it means it's a long list.
This is just going to be a brain dump, sorry.
- I never had pneumonia. Mine started in my throat, probably damaged my vocal chords, but never turned into pneumonia. I still had shortness of breath, pressure in my chest, and my oxygen levels dropped. I could breathe but with great difficulty and described it to the EMTs as "breathing is like work." It took all of my energy and focus to breathe in enough. If you are that this point, ever, like, literally fucking ever, call an ambulance.
- Tylenol for a fever.
- Blood thinners if necessary, I never had any but we know now that a lot of problems are blood clot-related. Tbqh my blood is more thin now than anything but I always had anemia and some sort of “your blood is too small actually?” problem and we don’t know why. I just bleed a lot and bruise easier now.
- If they try to tell you it's anxiety or in your head or you're not that bed, tell them to go fuck themselves and go to the hospital. Get tested if you can. A lot of the problems long haulers ran into was that we got sick before tests were available, or we were talked into staying home by the emergency workers, and we never got tested. This opens the doors for doctors to tell you it's all in your head, psychological, anxiety, allergies, etc. Just. Go when you first feel sick if at all possible. Get tested before it turns into long covid.
- I was not sure in the beginning what "shortness of breath" or "pressure" actually felt like, and it made me delay calling for an ambulance for a few days as well. For me, it felt like there was an elastic band of pressure around my lungs. I couldn't fully inhale. My diaphragm was fucked in ways I still don't understand. My lungs also felt heavy, like there was a weight on them or like my lungs themselves were too stiff to inhale. That all counts as pressure/tightness/shortness of breath. So does air hunger, or feeling like you want to be swallowing air.
- I know I'm being super obvious but seriously shortly before I got sicker, I hit up twitter to ask what "pressure" was supposed to feel like because I couldn't tell if what I had "counted."
- Breathing: lying on my stomach with my chest propped up by pillow, in bed helped. So did pursed lip breathing: here.
- I was prescribed salbutamol initially, which did help with the worst of the wheezing and opened up some of my lungs so I could breathe easier. When I went to the ER again a couple months later, they gave me like 5x the usual dose and sent me home.
- I'm also taking Flovent/fluticasone twice a day for asthma maintenance.
- Histamines are a problem for a lot of people. Some develop a histamine intolerance, which can be helped by eating a low histamine diet.
- Antihistamines helped me the most. I was taking Allegra-D daily. Pepcid AC also helps, because it targets a different kind of histamine. There was such a run on Pepcid when this started that it was actually impossible to find in my area and I had to order some online.
- I was recently prescribed Singulair and it has been life-changing this past week or so. As far as I know it's not really an antihistamine but blocks/inhibits a particular receptor involved in inflammation that comes into play when allergies do.
- Electrolytes. I don't know why, but my electrolytes are permanently fucked and too low now. If I don't go through like a litre of gatorade a day (or whatever, pick your brand of supplements), I am even more tired and brain foggy than usual. Helps a lot.
- Inflammation is a major problem all around. Sometimes I go for the naproxen or advil and it will help any really major acute flare-up now (like, I can feel when my gallbladder is getting inflamed and about to spasm and I can cut it off sort of), but mostly it's also daily maintenance. I take cucurmin and black pepper daily.
- Other supplements: vitamins A & D, a multivitamin, NAC.
- CBD oil. This worked wonders for me for a lot of the side-effects of covid, costochondritis and shingles pain especially.
- Diet. I mentioned the low histamine one above. Other people have had some success with a low inflammation diet. Some folks also have so many GI problems that they basically ate chicken and rice and slowly reintroduced foods to see what would trigger something. I appear to get super fucked by nightshades now, e.g. Alcohol is an absolute no. I had to cut caffeine for months because of my heart. (No caffeine/alcohol/red meat was my doctor's first and best advice for heart stuff at the time.)
- Speaking of the heart stuff, if your friend is dealing with that: electrolytes again. I have pedialyte freezies that I would suck on whenever heart palpitations started and it helped calm it down some. My heart was so, so fucked for months that whenever I ate or stood up or sat down it would hit like 140bpm and I had to spend an hour moving as little as possible or I'd just about pass out. There are a LOT of long-haulers now dealing with POTS and I can't really speak to what helps that in particular but if your heart is messing up at all: call a doctor. I still don't know how damaged my heart is from all of this because doctors and wait lists, etc. Get a jump on that.
- Insomnia was absolutely the worst I’ve ever had and I’ve had lifelong, “I’m awake for three days wee” insomnia. The Singulair knocks me right out at night, so that's a bonus, but there has not been a single night since getting sick where I didn't have to take something to help me sleep. I was on Zopiclone before getting sick, at least, but seriously talk to someone about insomnia if necessary. The sleep deprivation alone was making so many things worse.
- Brain fog? Brain fog. I don't have any or many answers for this. My short-term memory is wrecked and usually I'll remember something 2 weeks later, so I live my life on a 2-week lag now.
- Related to brain fog, fatigue. Don't fuck with it. Do not. Chronic Fatigue and Myalgic encephalomyelitis are both brought up often with long covid. I am dealing with it but don't know what to say about it yet because I haven't had a single doctor give a shit thus far. I've spoken to a relative who's an occupational therapist about it and her most helpful advice was about "energy envelopes," which is basically spoon theory. If you feel tired: stop. If you don't, or if you try to push through, we relapse hard and fast and you can pay for one day of walking 10 minutes too long with weeks of being stuck in bed. It's miserable. It will take longer to get back to normal. Some of us can exercise and feel amazing after; others are exercise intolerant and it wrecks them. (I feel best after like, 10 minutes of walking and sunshine right now, which is after months and months of being bedridden.)
- Treat mental exertion the same as physical. Doctors told me to drink Gatorade after mental work because it's still work, and it has helped a lot for whatever reason. It also helps to work on one thing at a time, take a break, switch gears, take a break, etc. I can't multitask anymore anyway.
- Eliminate whatever stressors you can. Stress will make everything worse.
- It comes and goes. Every relapse was a bit shorter and a bit easier for me, so that now when I fuck up it's like 2-3 days instead of weeks, but it's a rollercoaster.
- It can be random as hell. For about two months my gallbladder just decided to up and die, basically, and we were talking about having it removed. And then it was fine. Hasn't bugged me again lately. I know I said it's symptom management, but it's also like... symptom chasing and trying to figure out what's happening every time the sun rises. This is also exhausting. Everything is exhausting.
- Brain shit. Some of us have serious trouble reading. Sentences swim together. Letters wouldn't turn into words. I took this as a Challenge and started reading children's books and then Animorphs again, like... slowly, as much as I could do without pushing it, and it's still not perfect or great but it was an okay place to start. Honestly the hardest part was the embarrassment and going from a PhD program to reading kids books, but. Do what you have to. Do what you can.
- Sticky notes and labelling things around the house so I could see them when I needed them. I am not fucking around when I say brain fog. I can open the fridge, know I have milk, know it is in the door, and literally not see it to find it. I will put the cream in the dishwasher. I will spin in circles in the kitchen remembering and forgetting and remembering why I’m there again. Sticky notes. Also: journals, index cards, write literally everything down if you need to remember something. Put it somewhere obvious. I like writing on the bathroom mirror for the important shit. (Don’t use lipstick.)
- Unsurprisingly, a lot of us are struggling with anxiety and depression. Don't let doctors get it backward: it's not anxiety making us sick, it's being sick and ignored and fighting to be helped that's making our mental health worse. So many doctors tell us it's all in our head. I did not move across the country because I was too sick to take care of myself because of ~allergies~ or ~anxiety.~ Fuck off.
- So, so many people report that they relapse whenever they menstruate so if your friend is in that group, they might want to prepare to feel like fucking trash every 4 weeks no matter what they do. I don’t have any advice on this one, I’m sorry. There are a lot of people discussing it in the FB groups, though, and those are searchable for symptoms.
- So... a tl;dr list of things that might help: anti-inflammatory diets, anti-histamine diets, pepcid AC, allegra or other allergy meds, vitamin A/D/E, multivitamins, electrolytes and gatorade, albuterol, fluticasone, zopiclone (or anything that helps with sleep), CBD oil, singulair, anti-nausea meds (buscopan), muscle relaxants (spasming gallbladder). Rest, so much rest, do not fuck with The Rest if you can help it. I also encourage just getting high and edibles as much as you can because it sure helped me chill out big time and I think was a big factor in my recovery, at least as far as helping me calm down and helping my heart were concerned.
- The actual most helpful part outside of what to take or do was other people. Friends would go out and get me things when I could not, including like, cat food deliveries and all. I had co-workers ready to step in to take over my work on days I could not. I had friends calling doctors because I was too tired to fight them or self-advocate. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say they helped save my idiot life this year. Literally. It's a lot to ask of anyone but it's also that level of support that some of us need, and there shouldn't be any shame in it. (I still feel bad about it anyway but what are you gonna do.)
Depending on where you live, some places are setting up long-haul covid clinics to help people. Reports are mixed: some demand you had a positive test even if you were sick before tests were available. Some people are getting a lot of help regardless. Some are being sent home and told not to come back anyway. It’s kind of a gamble right now but either way, there’s at least some medical recognition making headway now so my fingers are crossed.
Anyway you basically sound like a good bean and your friend is lucky to have you asking around. I have absolutely forgotten something at some point in here because, well, brain fog and no memory, but if you have any questions or want something clarified please just ask. Stay safe!
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I'm a jonsa fan, but she straight up nailed you, unfortunately. Just own up to it. You claimed something that was clearly a lie and they've pulled receipts on you that shows it was a lie. Honestly, the more jonsa fans that behave like lunatics about daenerys and call her crazy shit, the worse jonsa fans look. We all need to chill out.
Nailed me on WHAT? And own up to WHAT?? And WHAT tf do those so called “receipts” show, exactly?!?
Did you happen to miss the part where she said, “ETA: oh wait i DIDN’T actually send her those links that I SPECIFICALLY SAID I SENT HER but she’s still a terrible person who I hate sooo…” (x)
And no, I didn’t want to get involved. I was TRYING to take a step back from wank and a step back from fandom in general (both for fandom related reasons and for personal reasons, many of which I told this person but would rather not publicly get into detail about). A fact that I told this person MULTIPLE TIMES, and yet they STILL continued to bring up wank to me and drag me into it and demand I insert myself into conversations and situations that made me uncomfortable, which I refused to do as is my right. You can count on one hand the number of times I have actually TALKED about D on my blog. I don’t like the conversation that surrounds her, it is unpleasant, unproductive and (CLEARLY) toxic af. I don’t know why I have the ~responsibility~ to talk about things I have never talked about in the first place or what ~accountability~ I have for things I have never fucking talked about. And I NEVER said there wasn’t toxicity or issues in the fandom when we talked and on the NUMEROUS occasions where they continued to try to show me wank when I specifically said I was trying to AVOID WANK and had it Blacklisted, TS-ed, blocked, and filtered all I possibly could. They were forcing things on me that I was not seeing BY DESIGN for my own personal reasons which I explained to them on more than one occasion. Me saying “I didn’t fucking see this” isn’t me saying “that didn’t happen,” CLEARLY it happened given that they showed it to me. They are just completely misrepresenting what occurred here.
(Oh and not to mention that the times that I DID get involved or try to do something, they were deemed “not good enough“ or “not supportive enough” or “not specific enough.” Remember the Love Train thing I tried to do to be supportive after the whole Campfire Fuckplot bullshit? Yeah, apparently that was me just trying to “bury them in wank.” Like, I cannot even EXPLAIN to y’all how draining and degrading and fucking depressing it is to have people CONSTANTLY nitpicking your every goddamn move and word trying to find some kind of insidious intent and make everything you do or say a personal insult to them. To CONSTANTLY have people hinting at or vague blogging about or a lot of times just down right telling you what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person and friend you are. To be CONSTANTLY accused of using people for popularity, of being fake, of lying, of gaslighting. And all this coming from people who are supposed to be your “friends,” it’s NEVER ENDING and it’s just awful to be around tbqh.)
(And it’s REALLY CUTE and SUPER CONVENIENT that the part about “oh wait lol I DIDN’T ACTUALLY SEND HER THOSE OR SHOW HER ANYTHING!!!” didn’t make it into the original call out post. Nooo no no, that call out post is just about how I’m a lying bitch who no one wants to be friends with because I’m fucking shady, and that’s what is making the rounds and that is what people are believing.)
Or how that part about me “reblogging with a rebuttal” is a FLAT OUT FUCKING LIE, given this is the post and the version of the post I reblogged…
Or how my url is NO WHERE in the notes of the 2 year old post she posted a screenshot of that is somehow supposed to prove my ~insidious knowledge~ of something…
A post which I do not remember seeing… I very well might have; but like I said, it has been 2 years, and it’s not a time I particularly care to look back on or think about. (I was also being placed on meds for the first time due to the personal/mental health issues I referenced at that point and my doctor was trying to figure out which dosages I needed so I was out of it A LOT.) Nor does this post refer Hitler at any point, which is supposedly what I am being a “fucking liar” about having never seen.
Or how those DM screenshots (of our private conversation from over a year ago) don’t say a fucking WORD about Hitler…
Or how she left out the original part of the Twitter thread where I specifically stated that it is the “D is Hitler” argument that I’ve never seen. (and for the last time: NO, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE IN FANDOM SAY THAT!)
And left out the ENTIRE rest of the twitter thread/conversation in question (which does not say ANYTHING about albinism). And in which I did NOT say that I have never seen anyone comparing D or the Targs to other things like Nazis, nor deny that there are any problems with this fandom being toxic (because, i mean, lol CLEARLY there fucking are)…
(**this is where the tweet in the photo above would go but I’m not putting it in again because that would be redundant**)
(Links to this whole twitter exchange for anyone who wants them: x, x, x, x)
Or how this person is accusing me of just caring about ~popularity~ and wanting to maintain my “BNF-ness” and gain “popularity points;” an issue THEY are fixated on (and have brought up and accused me and other people of in multiple times in multiple conversations) not me (x, x)…
Or where they have straight up admitted to keeping tabs on me (or hate scrolling i think is the term the ~youths~ are using nowadays) on twitter even though we do not follow each other on twitter (or on here), and we are not on speaking terms and haven’t been for some time, and they have stated they wanted to curate me out of their fandom experience (x)…
Or where this person is bringing up private and very personal shit (that I told them in confidence because I thought they were my friend and that I could trust them) because they hate me (x)…
**Backhandedly referencing the fucking terrible depression I was going through at the time where I couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning. A fact that I, again, told her in confidence because she was supposed to be my friend and I trusted her.
(Also, this wasn’t the worst few months of MY fandom life. My fandom life doesn’t revolve about YOU or the things YOU care about, believe it or not. I’d have to sit down and think about when the worst time of my fandom life was. There are a few points in time that are strong contenders. But I gotta say… right now is NOT PARTICULARLY FUCKING FUN.)
AND bringing up personal things that happened between us which have nothing to do with what they are accusing me of or the situation at hand…
And for the fucking record: yes, our friendship crumbling DOES stick out in my mind. There are several events and things said that I remember VERY CLEARLY which happened over a number of months. I have NO DESIRE to get into all of that, I personally don’t like airing my dirty laundry for everyone to see or broadcasting my personal issues with someone like it’s one of those fucking Jerry Springer talk shows… But given the fact that the last text this person sent me was about 5 months ago on October 10, 2018 (yes, I have “receipts.” but no, I am not posting them. I, for one, don’t like violating the trust people had in my or their privacy by posting stuff from our private conversations) over a YEAR after this wank happened in September 2017, the dissolution of our friendship has very little to do with THIS.
Or how that was a call out post made up completely of misrepresentations and flat out lies, yet ironically has the goddamn NERVE to call ME a “fucking liar.” And that it was full of false information that she “stands by” and is not only LEAVING UP to let it continue to spread through out the fandom, but also NOT CHANGING OR CORRECTING the part where SHE FUCKING LIED. And how now I am having people like YOU who didn’t even read the post or look at anything she said (which is nothing) calling me a fucking liar too.
Or about how all of this (whatever ~this~ is or whatever tf they were trying to prove) probably has nothing to do with the incident in question in the first place. No, this is more about their person feelings on ME and the shit that went down between us and whatever ~sins~ they feel I have committed against them. And that I didn’t let them boss me around and do what they told me to do and fall in line or CONTINUE to let them use me as their fandom punching bag and take out all their fandom frustrations (that had nothing to do with me and that I could do nothing about) out on me. And that they are using this as an excuse to lash out at me and come after me with bullshit that ISN’T EVEN TRUE. They are straight up, flat out using LIES to call ME a liar… I don’t fucking like this, I don’t want to “Go” or “Do This.” In fact, I fucking hate this; it makes me feel icky and I just want it to be over. But I am NOT going to just not stand up for myself. Of course THIS isn’t the shit that will get spread around or that people will see or believe, but I’m not going to let myself just take it lying down.
DON’T call me a lunatic, DON’T demand I take responsibility for shit I didn’t do and didn’t say, DON’T call me a fucking liar, and DON’T come into my ask with this crap again.
Hate me all you want, you clearly aren’t the first and I’m sure you won’t be the last… but DO NOT SPREAD LIES ABOUT ME.
#like get tf out of my house dude#and take your BULLSHIT with you#alys answers#alys anons#anon wank#wank for ts#fandom wank for ts#got wank for ts#got for ts#asoiaf for ts#jonsa for ts#long post
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INDEFINITE HIATUS.
Fun fact: I’ve been trying to write this for over forty minutes, and nothing good is coming out of it, so I’ll just do what I do best and talk nonstop about my problems while trying to tell you about something (mildly?) serious. Maybe that’ll help.
For those who don’t know, my main account, tyrionslannister – the one I had for almost three years and which contained most of my writing work, none of it backed up because I’m apparently really stupid – got terminated on the 8th. Tumblr emailed me back on Monday, but due to a problem with my email address, I don’t believe I’ll be getting it back, so I’ve been working on letting go of my hope lmao
That blog was many things, but, most of all, it was my escape from real life. Lbr, roleplaying always helped me with that, and when I finally came to Tumblr I felt like I’d found a whole new world (Aladdin reference intended). I never thought I’d someday come here to say ‘hey everyone, thanks for the memories, but my time has come and I must leave’. At some point, this website became a priority in my life.
And I didn’t realize that until last friday, when I lost everything. Okay, it would’ve probably hurt either way, but it shouldn’t have sent me spiraling into one of the most awful anxiety crisis I’ve ever had. And I shouldn’t have been stressing over it for the past week. Losing work is awful, but as the person behind it, I know I can do everything all over again. I shouldn’t have treated it like the end of the world. Yet, here we are, and I’m being dramatic online again. Sigh.
The reason I’m writing this is: I entertained the idea of starting over with a new blog. I mean, I could do it all again. I could set up new themes and char blogs and continue playing all my beloved plots and ships, and I’d eventually forget about what I’d lost, or at least stop suffering over it. I could redo all my replies (ugh, I’d finally answered everyone after months, and then everything disappeared, because my life’s just that great).
I could do that. But I won’t.
I don’t know how many people know about this, but just a couple months ago I was rejected by my dream uni. That meant I had to do what I dreaded the most, and go back to school. My classes started last Monday, and that’s when I finally realized: I won’t manage it. Redoing replies, char blogs, the main blog itself... It’d take a lot of work and time I won’t have to spare. I have to actually focus this time, because if I have to do another year of school after this... Eek. Let’s not talk about that.
With that said, I almost never gave up a plot before. And, tbqh, I don’t want to give up all of them. I love my characters as if they were my children. (Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration. I wouldn’t know, I don’t have kids.) So I won’t say I’m quitting, but I’ll be putting them on hold... For which will probably be the longest of times.
I’m not sure about that, because I’m unpredictable as shit and it’s very possible for me to come back in a month and say, “you know what, fuck it” and just start rebuilding, but this termination has given me a new perspective, by which I mean it showed me I gotta get a grip on my life. I am almost sure I’ll be here reblogging ship insp and sending you drabbles from time to time, because this girl does not live without her drabbles. (I won’t post them privately on Tumblr this time, though. Who knows what they can do with this account.) But I can’t promise to be an active partner, at least not for the next 10 months or so. And that’s a hell of a long time, which is why I understand it if you wanna drop our plots.
Aaaaand, while I don’t have time for Tumblr (so many things for me to set up!), I also don’t live without a few threads. So, if you’re the kind of person who plays through WhatsApp, *wink wink*. Hmu. We can work things out. (Although I’ll probably only answer monthly or some shit because I’m an AWFUL human being. God, I’m sorry.)
Additionally, to partners & mutuals I just tagged here because I love talking to and don’t wanna lose contact, if you ever wanna hit me up but don’t know where else to find me (I deleted Tumblr from my phone, so I’ll also take a while to answer IMs here eep), I’m _laurahi on both Twitter and Instagram, laurahi8 on Pinterest, and hissnake 🐍#8651 on Discord. And, of course, you can always message me for my number. :)
@berensaats @yas-suo @scumbag1x1 @shierazade @monique1x1 @harleysqvinn @bellawrits @dandelionsx @hxzel1x1 @lullyandher1x1 @stefanosvalentinis @nahshedidnot @hopeplots @glimmrglcss @thelovelyonewitch @06thelovers @capituwrites @yujuus @livplots @sammyroleplays @goldrosc @latristereina
#another fun fact: i express myself better in english#why? the world may never know#ugh there's this one partner whose url i cannot remember#her name's kat and she played a char named graham against my aiden ):#also i'm sorry for my mutuals who are not my rp partners and had to read through all this lmao
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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Spain to Eurovision with whole lotta fun
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Dare I say Operación Triunfo is a little bit of... a Choice?
I mean, you got yourself a format that a bunch of young-aged/teen/late-teen aged droolies follow for the drama more than the music, at least that’s what I suppose it is because it’s one of those singing reality shows where you’re oh so very welcome to follow the lives of all the 20-somethings that were unfortunate to sign the contract of the show, not being able to read all the fine-prints in the contract and later regretting not doing so because things like Eurovision. In Israel. But more on that later.
But this is Espain, and this is the sad state of television that is today - if they like your shitty talent show with 24/7 followship of the contestants, and if they watch that, and if they eat that with a spoonful, chances are you’re going to prolong its post-mortem revival state in order to maaaaaybe attract a new audience and acquire a new shippable couple people will vote “a Eurovisión”. Even if your last couple sucked. And even managed to break up unceremoniously sometime before the 2019 show’s Eurovision final <3 god bless them for finally breaking the chain and breaking the hearts of thousands who were ‘dying’ for the ship. It was never EVER meant to last.
So is it a no surprise that Operación went thriving for another year? Certaintly at least it’s no joy to bear with another amount of subpar desperates from every other corner of Spain, but only because Spain deserves a better NF format. I mean, with these other NF formats we can at least have a variety of artists with their own (or composed by others) songs, and it doesn’t matter an inch whether the public’s big fave gets rigged out to me - as long as it’s just a NF I can get easily over with, it’s all fine to me! And of course OT is also fine for me, it’s just that people are begging for it to get axed for some reason. Maybe because of all the ships?
I don’t want to put too much more thought of what happened in the reality show other than the Eurovision Gala, BUT I seemed to notice something rather crazy. You see, at first we had Natalia (or was it Alba Reche or Sabela even?) heavily speculated as the winner pre-show, but in the end the OT glory was all handed to some Dutch-born boy of Nigerian origin named... Famous. Not shitting you, it is his name. But what’s the saddest part about this? Famous CLEARLY wanted it all to himself just because of Eurovision being included in the contract. Yet his only victory in life is being the best among the rest of these stars that were watched over 24/7. Unfortunately, Mr. Oberogo couldn’t make this out to be in his favour in the Eurovision-special gala, to which the “triunfitos” can attend if they have songs chosen for them in the lineup, and yes he was admitted, but then he was given a SUCH DISAPPOINTING SONG EHMERGERD!!!!!!!! :’(
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(lol calm yer ladyhormones, “No puedo mas” wasn’t THAT bad, it’s just that given Famous did songs like “Nobody but You” (yes THAT one) on the show, you’d expect something contemporary soulful, not just blatant radio filler that could have easily been an EYD reject?)
So how did it all happen that the girls were rooted for to win OT, but in the end the one that wanted Eurovision the most won? And how come the one that wanted the Eurovision the most was given a song that paled in comparison to that one song that was performed by someone who was blatantly against going to ESC because “nuuuuu Israel stop hurting Palestine” and that one being favoured to win? AND HOW COME ONE OF THE BIGGEST SHOW’S VILLAINS GOT HANDED ABSOLUTE SLAYAGE OF THE SONGS?? Honestly it’s for the best if Spain is just there to subdue everyone’s expectations, just like they did when choosing Manel (be it because of a corrupt juror or whatever). They did it every single turn of the time this year during OT’s run.
And of course I’ll forever love them for that, as the end result was AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING FIESTA BANGER. Courtesy of Miki (Núñez).
Ngl, the first thing I went in for about “La venda” before listening to it was through this first impression tweet on Miki’s ‘eliminated’ song from the selection, “El equilibrio”:
BITCH HOW WAS SHE NOT READY TO SEE THAT COMING AT HER.
Granted, the sudden start of happy sounds rushing right at me was a little startling, but I was able to cope with it and jam to the song in the end.
I completely adore this one, it’s so powerfully joyful with all its instruments and the Spanish language, the interesting turn of events in lyrics, the incredibly easy probability to sing along to this (LO QUE EEEEERE! LO QUE ERE ERE E!), the authenticity, the cultural roots (tbqh Eurovision countries should be welcome to embrace their culture rather than stray further away from it! also this is why more native languages other than English are encouraged)... mmm-mmm.
And like I said, for some reason Miki was seen as a grand villain to the show, and even if I didn’t follow OT all that much, I was constantly questioning why, and after seeing him eliminated I only wanted to know if people in Espain were rejoicing about it. The against-agenda turned up onto him again when he happened to have the most songs in the internet selection bunch handed to him (THREE!!! Two solo tracks and a duet.), but nothing there was to worry, as instead other favourites were discovered, therefore Miki ended up in the dust for a while. Up until something happened that got him a big surge of votes at the end. Go figure.
Despite all this, I think it’s the right direction for Spain songwise! Me gusta mucho, and not only personally, but also objectively, honestly. Miki’s got a right enough good song for the nation and provided the revamp doesn’t make it crash and burn (yes, the good friend of a Eurovision song - the revamp! It’s happening), it’s safe to say that Spain can stand a chance. Not win, for now, but stand a chance. Yes.
Before I repeat myself some more I’d probably have to add this part for no reason as it came from my Twitter review for “La venda” this time, as I heard songs 1 day before the NF as when I expected the NF to go on Saturday but it was on a Sunday:
BITCH HOW WAS I WRONG. Well mostly thanks to the fact the fanwank-ess of OT ESC Gala actively asked to direct her votes to Miki’s song (Monika Marija teas amirite), but still, WRONG!
Now that I finally composed my thoughts I guess, let’s all go and read the below verdict I’m putting this up for:
Approval factor: I’m giving this a big fat SÍ!
Follow-up factor: Of course I like it way better than “Tu canciYAWN”, there’s no doubt in it :) and after Almaia’s romance advertisement they’re doing a great job by coming back to their great Spanish roots of music, honestly. And it’s better that way than forcing a ship onto a Eurovision 2018 ship, so yeah
Big 5 factor: As of this time Spain lowkey fizzled out with everyone now that a big wave of other faves arised, BUT I don’t think that Spain’s drowning in misery this year, not at all! With right kind of energy of the staging and uplift Spain can totally woo them televoters this time around, making them “lo que ere” their worries away to the sunset. And this is a positive thing - as if juries decide to drown this sometimes and televoters don’t, it will still soar somewhere up high enough in top 15.
NATIONAL FINAL BONUS
Now, I don’t quite think this year’s OT was quite as memetic as I expected, but we still have had some pre-NF gems, just like this:
• “THEN POLKA”. That one moment was also brought up to her on her OT Eurovision Gala postcard.
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• and this one contestant’s gloriously accidental butt-shot
Though we did have a handful of these kind of moments on the Gala itself (and surrounding it), such as:
• NF’s biggest favourite to win songwise not even trying. Yes, there are those NF winners which underperform but only because they don’t seem to know better, but did you know that there are THOSE like María Villar who decide against it? Basically, she was one of those opposing against the situation in Israel with Palestine, so out of protest towards all this, she voluntarily went against doing Eurovision in a nation like this by encouraging her fans to vote for Miki the night before and sacrificing any slightest grains of trying with her performance - by barely dancing on stage and not outselling anything vocally. And it worked to some extent, as she came SECOND only, and shortly after Miki won, she spoke out loud that she was satisfied to not have become the victor (I mean she just thanked everyone for not voting her to ESC lol). But you know what, for situations like these I really do love ESC NFs - where everything predictable is upturned by some sort of events like these. I mean, I like "Muérdeme", it’s catchy, Latino-appealing enough (for those whores thirsty for Luis Fonsi and similar fucks who sing in Spanish on English songs these days), has a cool breakdown and what not, but it would just probably bring back another disappointing result from Eurovision much to fans’ dismay, especially if the Tel Aviv (oh wait sorry... for Maria’s case this would have probably been Limassol or Vienna) edition was to bring many bops for this time around that are BIGGER and BETTER than this one. It’s just happening that it’s unfortunate to be Spain...
• Yet again, putting Famous up on here, but of course he was disappointed to not get that win. I know I’m not the right person to judge considering I’m WHOLE THREE DAYS YOUNGER than him, but I’d still tell him he only had RTVE to blame for giving him THAT in the end and putting him through online voting rounds... and speaking of:
• Like I mentioned before several times, there was an online voting round for to pick-pocket the songs that sounded the best out of the demo-ic snippets of a minute or less. Its top 3 was of course dominated by ladies and their own bangers/just likeable enough songs, with poor Famous being 4th in it (and the top 3 is a must on there to be automatically admitted to the show without any higher-ups shuffling the other competitors ‘round later on and toying with their fates). I liked the complete final cut of the Gala for the most part, but boy did they miss out some, like this male laidback-acoustic pop bop “Sale”, courtesy of Damion Frost. I can at least forgive the loss of “El equilibrio”, but this? Nah siree. And yeah I know this whole shtick is a tire, but I like some of it, and I saw a worse track from the same shtick collection qualifying through higher-ups and that’s NOT boding well with me.
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(yes of course Manel happened but still)
• Miki joining the glorious wall of epic NF victory reactions with his O face of total cartooney awkwardness <3
• and Eleni Foureira being able to rock a trashbag as a dress during her guest performance of both “Fuego” and her ‘new’ ‘smash’ hit in partially more Spanish than “Fuego” was - “Tómame”. Granted the juxtapose transition was a little too jarring, but hey - 2 songs for a price of 1. Go get them Spanish audience people acknowledging your pop art Elli <3 (also her chitchat with the ESC Gala host about what do you need to do good in Eurovision <3)
At this point I’m too not fucked to remember more of them but I’m really sure I missed a lot of the OT lulziness that happened before the Gala, during and after it (such as Natalia (who also sang one song in the NF with Miki himself) not wanting ESC but still trying better than Maria). I don’t want to be reminded of them, as my review’s as long as it is. But I’m sure someone else remembers, so I’ll let them judge.
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Can you please rant about jk Rowling she’s fucking awful with her queerbaiting, racism, and transphobia. Like I need someone else to validate me for not liking her
absolutely i hate her!!!!! this is a REALLY long post but she’s written so much and she’s been in the spotlight since her books got famous so like… there’s a lot to talk about i guess. anyway @ jk rowling get ready to be called out
racism
first of all on this valid bitch of an i hate jk rowling post, the ilvermorny houses. it’s like…. Big cultural appropriation of native american ideas and stories, twisting them to fit her narrative for harry potter and completely disrespecting their history and origins. the history she creates for north american wizards is shit too, saying that native americans would “primitively” practice magic until europeans civilized them with wands (even tho…. it’s like really impressive to do magic without wands in her universe??? like sounds like the native americans were way ahead of europeans, but ofc she twists her own narrative to make the natives primitive). her whole history or north american wizardry also apparently just follows white wizards immigrating to north america and shit……
this video is……. a really good poem on the stereotypes and fetishization of cho chang and there’s no way i can reword what the speaker says bc she says it too good so,,, watch it
jk rowling is also really good at speaking out about racism when she wants to on twitter and yet all of her canonical poc characters in the books are background characters. i know hermione is black in the cursed child play, but that feels a bit like the dumbledore thing to me, like they never actually talk abotu it in the books? and if she wanted hermione to be black why didn’t she have any protests about emma watson being cast? if she wanted harry to be brown why didn’t she have any protests about daniel radcliffe being cast? i don’t know if she had any say in that, but i guess she had a say in insisting that the actors had to be british, so if she cared about making a main character poc, why did she not have any qualms about the cast, even in retrospect, even respectful ones like “i love daniel and emma to death but in retrospect i wrote them as characters of color”?
like she didn’t have to push dean and cho and the very small characters of color to the side but she did. she didn’t have to stereotype cho but she did. there are no poc in fbawtft, or there aren’t in the movie at least – and if she’s so happy about johnny depp and can speak out about that relentlessly, but she wanted there to be characters of color in fantastic beasts, why can’t she speak out about that?
like the cultural appropriation is enough to see that she’s clearly a racist asshole who doesn’t care about the cultures of people who aren’t white, but it’s also clear to see in the background of her writing that she doesn’t care about research for shit if it’ll help to respect people of color in her stories, and she certainly doesn’t care to ensure that there are important characters of color for people to look up to when they read her books or watch the movies about them
transphobia
i guess she liked a terf’s article on twitter? like i dont’ knwo how reputable my sources on that were or if she meant to, but if she did, yikes
and from what i saw of the article it was Deep Terf Rhetoric, and tbqh i wouldn’t put it past her to have meant to have done that
i’ve seen ppl saying harry potter has transphobic aspects to it as well but i couldn’t find anything under all the times she’s “defended” trans ppl on twitter like idk i can’t take anythign she says on twitter by heart bc everything she does feels performative and fake af, and i haven’t read the books in like four years so i can’t say for sure based on my own memory
also she wrote a trans woman in a more recent novel and she’s apparently totally impulsively violent like wow great way to conform to nasty stereotypes about trans women lmfao
like esp bc of this i wouldn’t put it past her to be a terf
homophobia & queerbaiting
saying! dumbledore! is gay! after! the fucking! book series! is not! representation!!!!!
even if she HAD make him gay during the series, he’s not good rep??? he was a manipulative asshole who let a child stay in an abusive home becuase he was too big of a dumbass to think about a way around the issue so that a little boy could live in a home full of people who treated him fairly. so uhh?? the cishets can fucking have him, i don’t WANT him in the goddamn community.
but she thinks that she’s not homophobic bc he’s the only gay character who never even got to talk about being gay, who we never see in a relationship with a man. like throwing gay ppl scraps isn’t?? rep??? it’s queerbaiting you dumb bitch @ jk rowling….
she specifically said herself that werewolves are meant to represent diseases like AIDS, and characters like fenrir greyback are predatory werewolves who want tos pread around the AIDS-like disease, conforming to 1980s homophobic stereotypes against gay people for “wanting” to spread around AIDS like how can you in one breath say you want to bring light to diseases like AIDS and in the next make a character who literally models homophobic stereotypes with the same disease??
also, remus was supposed to be gay apparently, but he “changed and fell in love with tonks” like ok first of all bi people exist, second of all why would you write a straight person who’s supposed to basically have AIDS when that sounds a hell of a lot like “predatory gay man infects poor straight kid” like there’s SO MUCH wrong with that, and yeah you kind of have to dig into it a little bit to get there, but when you’re writing about risky topics and you literally admit to it, you need to be WELL-VERSED on what you’re writing about!! and to say you’re writing about AIDS is deeply mixed with gay history! and to say that the main character who is a werewolf was SUPPOSED to be gay and then pretend you’re NOT associating it with gay people is just… such cognitive dissonance, or maybe really ridiculous ignorance
also, dumbledore is dead. so even if he was good rep, and it was within the books, he’s fucking dead. another buried gay, fuckos! pile em up!
and i’ve heard there’s a shit ton of queerbaiting between harry’s son and draco’s son in cursed child? which like…. may just be subtext, but there’s a huge section of the fandom who’s all about harry x draco (i have not good feelings about that ship personally but to say it’s not popular is to never have seen anything in the fandom), and she must know that? like she’s not oblivious is she? so why would she like…. put subject between their sons? ?? it feels like it’s a bone to “hey i never gave you harry x draco, so here are their sons, who i’m also never going to give you”
also? if grindelwald WAS dumbledore’s bf at some point, what does that say about what she thinks about queer men? he’s deeply predatory and preys on credence in a very creepy way that plays on stereotypes about older gay men preying on younger gay boys, and he’s also a disgusting villain played by johnny fucking depp, an abuser (who SHE SUPPORTS) of all people. what does that say about what her mind goes to when she thinks about gay men?????
i don’t actually know her role in those films, but she has said she loves depp, what he’s done with the character, and where the darkness of grindelwald is going in the first movie and its sequels, so even if her role is very little, she supports what is being done.
also…. um apparently newt scamander created a werewolf registry…. a little honest to god werewolf registry in the fucking 40s….. ??????????? what r we supposed to think here, about a registry of discriminated ppl in the FORTIES…….????? and that’s the protag of fantastic beasts… cool it’s fine it’s fine
ableism
when talking about irredeemable characters like voldemort, she literally said that “whether it’s a personality disorder or illness” they’re not redeemable…. !!!?? here is a post on that subject with links to the sources of the interviews she said this in.
i don’t know where to put this bc this could be any number of things but i just thought about this so i’ll put it here: the thing that’s created in fantastic beasts, where it’s like basically a personification of anguish from suppressing magic – that’s quite blatantly a reference to any number of minorities, like gay people suppressing their sexuality, trans people suppressing their gender, the mentally ill and disabled pushing themselves too hard or trying to ignore/hide it… and credence was vilified and killed and the protags weren’t even… really sad about it?? and the ministry of magic never really THOUGHT About that they just killed him….. and that’s okay…. that’s fine… they’re just going around killing a bunch of KIDS who are inconvenient to them and who basically symbolize a whole number of oppressed groups. cool, it’s fine
you could also make a point that werewolves also represent the mentally ill, and all the same fucked up shit basically applies here
she also said that everything that muggles can get can be cured by magic, thereby effectively giving some bullshit reason for not actually having any disabled or mentally ill characters, also assuming that it’s not totally ableist to just…. “cure” all that? she didn’t say it specifically about mental illnesses and disabilities, but it’s clear to see that with her attitude on “irredeemable” mentally ill people, she would
fatphobia
most fat characters in harry potter are shitty people. the dursleys, pettigrew, and umbridge – all characters we’re supposed to find deeply wrong, the ones we’re supposed to hate the most other than, like, voldemort. like…..? a lot of the other fat characters are all “matronly” like molly weasley or stubborn and “lazy” like cornelius fudge who allowed voldemort to rise to power. like what’s that supposed to say about what she thinks the extent of fat people is? stubborn, evil, or motherly?
she actually has a character grow fatter and fatter based on how shitty she acts towards harry because of a magic mishap. she also usually describes the nice fat people as “plump” and “pleasant,” while she describes dudley as “so much like a pig” that he couldn’t even be turned furhter into a pig when it was attempted, or as a “killer whale,” or vernon dursley as “having no neck”
her fascination with abusers
exhibit a: she loves johnny depp, she loves him for the part of grindelwald, she praises what he’s done for the character, she praises his casting. he’s abused his wife..................
exhibit b: she loves dumbledore. he is constantly manipulating harry and not actually helping him get out of difficult situations at home or at school, putting him and the other kids in danger multiple times, not talking about important information to keep them safe, like??
exhibit c: snape. a fucking nasty ass creep to lily. neville’s GREATEST FEAR. like i dont’ even need to talk about this, we all know snape, dumbledore, and johnny depp are shitty lmfao
and yet she named harry’s kids after dumbledore and snape, like they didn’t fuck harry’s life up, especially snape, who terrorized him and his friends.
in conclusion fuckos
she’s nasty!!!!! i was going to do a section on sexism but i can’t find anything – i think she’s too much of a White Feminist to be sexist, probably. likely she cares more about researching feminist issues than she does about researching native myths before she steals them for her own gain lmfao. there is the fact that she supports an abuser like johnny depp, tho!
she is constantly like… going against all this on twitter too lmfao, like it’s hard to find good articles on her shittiness on the first page of google bc most of it is “jk rowling defends trans people against transphobic tweet, jk rowling defends muslims against islamophobic tweet, jk rowling defends [this group or that group]” and yet she includes so much bigotry hidden in the details of her books and what she says about her books. like i know some of this isn’t quite on the surface, but ultimately when you write a book with subjects you don’t really know about, your inherent biases are going to be apparent under the surface, and since she’s such a famous author with so many books and so much spotlight on her, if you dig in a little you can make easy conclusions/clearly see what she thinsk about minorities. so it’s really fucking annoying that she’s so “good and progressive” on twitter because it’s obviously performative so she can get the progressive points required for more people to buy her shit. like that’s the best word i can think of to describe her: performative.
#this took me two hours to compile please appreciate me hhhhhHHHH#i know i didn't source a lot but i can find sources if y'all want. most of it is me just talking about what she's said anyway#ask#anon#anti jk rowling#anyway let it be known i love harry potter as much as the next asshole of this generation but you can love hp and hate her
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Considering the fact that I adore your ds posts, and seeing you now are playing ff7r (oh my, my 3 fave things in one! Haha), I'd definitely like to hear your take on the game overall vs OG (if you played), the love triangle debate, Real!C vs SOLDIER!C. I guess I'd like some fresh insight? I like hearing multiple opinions, even if I do have my own.
Well a few notes:
- I actually finished the remake already, I just didn't leave commentary on it, and my verbal commentary the whole way through was mostly fallen on the ears of my wife and adoptive mama (depending on if you go to twitter, you may recognize them respectively as the Honeybadger and Doris Helmick)
...actually this is gonna be long and touch on spoilers so I'ma put it behind a cut.
- Yes, I played the original. In fact it has an anchor point in my life, I think, as to how I consume media, as it was the first game I ever played on my own console. My mom was one of those “video games rot ur brain” moms and my experiences until then were being loaned a game boy by a friend and a few of their games and playing under the blankets when I was little, smashing things with Link or playing pokemon or whatever here or there.
- It’s also one of the best memories of my late mother, who eventually slid into major opiod addiction due to mismanaged health issues. She was a disabled single mother and I was the illegally-working-way-too-young-to-stay-alive kid. She eventually cracked and, around when the PS2 was being freshly released and everybody was selling off their PSX, she went to a pawn shop.
- It’s fresh in my mind to this day. First she had me open the box and I lost my mind, and then, huddled up in her pained position she had, she held out a plastic bag to me that christmas, apologizing because she didn’t know anything about video games but the nice man at the store said they were all very popular. Inside were a spyro game, a Star Wars game, and FF7-9. My jaw dropped. I told her she did better than she could ever understand. Hearing the most about FF7, I grabbed it and ran to the playstation to put it in, and started crying at the initial cinematic sequence.
- I 100% approve of this reboot. It's designed in a way where it maintains the full spirit of the original, and hit on speculation points my wife and I had through the course of the game. (Eg, I hadn't spoilered myself but started addressing the whispers of fate, and the chance to change the course of history, maybe even saving Aerith. She countered with the fact that Advent Children would then be moot. At which point I said, yeah, but isn't that the very point of showing us the fates and making an alternate timeline? And then the ending dickslaps you repeatedly at the Crossroads of Destiny). They made it true to the *full body of work* while still making sure that just because you played the original you don't know what's coming.
- To avoid public spoilers being too specific despite the cut, there is literally a "death” around the Jenova fight I yelled THAT ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN, WHAT THE FUCK, NO, WHY, WHAT THE FUCK and poor Doris was like "????????? what what what???? I mean that's sad but WHAT" because she never saw the original and couldn't figure out why I was flipping out.
- Despite knowing better with the way they were arranging the fates, they arranged it so dramatically that in the moment I completely forgot about that and started panicking and losing my nut. I was yelling it the entire fight too, like, BUT WHY, WHY HIM, THAT ISNT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN while doing dramatic dodge flips avoiding tentacles shitting all over me. Timing and execution is A+.
- While augmenting parts of the narrative, it really just emboldened the original rather than writing over it. I can’t emphasize enough how this game, from 1997, is so politically on point for today, right down to the blackmask avalanche cell, the propaganda, corporatism, controlled government, and the goddamn antifa flag painted in one of the fucking sewers lmao wtf
- when it comes to the love triangle debate, I’m actually not the kind to say, pick one side or the other. As I mentioned in my previous post, I see both sides of the discussion (eg Tifa, Aerith) as valid. Because the weird competitive ship warring in fandom is as hilarious to me in any other place as it is in SPN fandom tbqh.
- I do see them ~possibly~ setting up a potential of even changing or revising Zack’s fate and letting him reunite with Aerith which, long term, would probably slide Cloud -- awakened to his truth and self -- towards Tifa’s court. Original I’d say both are equally valid, despite nobody doing any kissing, love confessions, etc. Because again, when I talk about not holding my queer pairings to unequal bars, this is exactly what I’m talking about -- and I think part of what I said about sculpting how I receive media at a young age. Not only was I buried in mountains of classic literature my entire life, but my engagement with modern media still showed that you don’t HAVE to have some giant make out session or perfectly poised I LUFF YEW to be valid in romance, the same as old books. Hell, this even applies to the few animes I watched, like X. They were always orbiting around complex interpersonal relationships, nonphysicalized romance be it het or queer, whatever else. I don’t know what kind of media diet people grew up with to act like every straight pairing ever gets a humpa-dumpa-horny-scene or perfectly poised confession or whatever the fuck, tbqh.
- In the end though, I do consider it unfair to say, OG!Cloud rather than Soldier!Cloud to also infer any and all attachments he had to Aerith were manufactured. Cloud gained patched over memories for Zack, sure, but he wasn’t really witness to Aerith and Zack to just take that on. Aerith definitely saw the ghost of Zack in Cloud, too. But you’re really not gonna get me to say “Cloud/Aerith > Cloud/Tifa” or the other way around, even if personally, Cloud/Aerith hits on a far more emotionally impacting level to the point I started crying again any time I heard her theme play in the remake, or her being cute, or whatever, or even saw the fates swirling around her because I knew what inevitability they were driving home.
- There’s also other reasons that hits very truly home for me that I can’t even get into in a public post tbh
- I think I answered everything for this but IDK?
- I will type Aerith to appease the nerd crowd but I refuse to say it out loud and I’m sorry. After decades of saying Aeris, I feel like I have a lithp if I thtart thaying aerith. Like no offense to people who have lisps and no judgment but it theriously metheth with my head.
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i can't find all these emojis on my phone so...ALL EMOJIS LET'S GO DO ALL THE EMOJIS
oh lordt okay [lady gaga voice] here we go! (the rest of my answers are after the jump, woo!)
🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone? - i cant think of anything? i’m incapable of keeping shit to myself hashtag queen of venting
💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be? - well i wish i had a dog so i could hug them
🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why? - squirtle because i identify strongly with those pictures of squirtle in sunglasses. also all of the hoenn region starts (torchic, mudkip and treecko) because they are beautiful brilliant angels and i love them
🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like? - well, first of all it would be legal to eat the rich so jot that down
👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had? - last night i had a dream that i went grocery shopping with zoe kravitz does that count
☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend? - i like that my best friend (@gryffinddor) doesnt judge me for my bad decisions and that she supported me even when i used to caption everything with ‘me gusta’ and ‘THIS^^’ (on the real shes just an all round brilliant and beautiful person aw)
😘 talk about your crush or partner - well i dont have a crush or a partner so, next!
💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back? - you may be petty punk but being honest...im just as petty and would definitely be rude back
🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!) - oh jeez okay I like my eyes, I enjoy my own sense of humor and I enjoy being tall as heck
🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it? - i’m really scared of octop*s tbh and i guess i’ll try and overcome it by watching The Handmaiden a bunch
🎁 what never fails to make you happy? - bipharah.tumblr.com/tagged/rainy-days i stock it with good, joyful content
💙 what annoys you about some people? - ignorance and being judgemental.
😤 do you get angry easily? - not really? I get frustrated but not outright angry
🐇 what do you always daydream about? - living my best Gay life
🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? - the ignorance, the judgement and the general lack of compassion
🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry? - ya didnt send me any names ya goof!
✈️ what is your dream city and why? - idk about dream cities but I really really want to go back to Paris. I love it there and wanna experience it as an adult
☕️ talk about your ideal day - i get to stay in bed and watch a bunch of netflix. my imaginary gf is real and next to me and there is a dog snoozin on ur feet
🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert? - OH big introvert
💧 when was the last time you cried? - idk about a full blub but i genuinely teared up yesterday looking at the photos of yr dogs
🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes, Down by Fifth Harmony, Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood, Winter by Pvris and Bad 4 Us by Superfruit
⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why? - i’d be able to teleport. I just wanna visit all of my friends all of the time. like, I just want that to be easy
💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say? - no one cares that yr a wuhluhwuh ya big gaymo, dont worry about it
💚 who are you jealous of and why? - i’m jealous of people living fulfilling lives with loved ones and partners and careless attitudes. god i wish that were me.jpg
💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why? - bravery. i’m not an idiot, i don’t think i’m totally hideous, i’m not an asshole and i’m not struggling financially either. just wish i had a bit more courage to get shit done.
🙊 what are you ashamed of? - i’m ashamed of my lack of courage lmao. everything would be grand if i would just take more leaps and didn’t worry so often. it’s embarrassing
🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn? - I studied German for a bit so I know some of that but I’d like to be fluent. I also want to finish learning Korea and start learning Mandarin and Spanish
🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be? - i wanna be friends to lovers trope with fareeha amari please and thank you
☁️ talk about your dream universe. - whomst on earth has a dream universe, goodness gracious
💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? - the day is nearly done but tomorrow i’m going to say some affirmations to myself. self-care is kindness am i right
🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why? - i would turn into an elephant. they live in a matriarchy and thats #goals
🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike - the tories can eat shit. they were the first people that came to mind, so!
😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately - what doesnt make me anxious these days hahahahaahah, fuck.
🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now? - i wanted to be a writer. now that i’m a writer i want to be a better paid writer
🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods? - in this house we appreciate DOUGHNUTS
🍑 what are you obsessed with? - my current obsession is ovw. but i’ve been obsessed since launch so that ain’t new!
💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed? - one time i was so stressed that i started losing my hair so uh, that.
😪 what are you sick of? - me, self-sabotaging my own dam self!
🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker? - oh heck no
💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have? - that wynonna earp is a good show, actually
☔️ would you consider yourself a good person? - yes, i think so.
😊 what do you like to do as hobbies? - does spending an exorbitant amount of time on tumblr count as a hobby
🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself? - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes bc I couldn’t remember what it was called
🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it? - I’m not always so open about my thoughts, feelings and fears. I guess I’m improving it by just being more straightforward?
🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored? - i can’t draw for shit my dude, so I don’t doodle
🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams? - it’s the anxiety
🌷 what’s your mbti personality and why do you think it suits you? - intj. I have no idea if it suits me tbqh
🐶 send me 3 fictional people and I’ll choose my favourite! - okay well i can’t do this one
👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? - normani kordei x 1000. because i love and appreciate her and she’s just good people
🐴 opinion on __? - can’t do this one either!
🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person? - me, whomst cries at dogs? being emotional? its more likely than you think!
📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them. - honestly i’m too lazy to go and find three books i’m sorry
😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help? - focus too much on work/use my rainy days tag. and it works sometimes!
😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad? - i remind myself that being sad is unproductive and try and shut that shit down
🌍 which country do you live in? - england
🐧 describe yourself in 3 words - tall, gay loser
🐵 which quotes changed you? - no quotes have changed me oops
💭 do you keep a diary? - no i do not
💫 who inspires you? - my mother
👻 do you believe in ghosts and why? - i refuse to answer this question because i don’t wanna get haunted
🎀 what’s your fashion sense like? - smart, preppy and includes a lot of blue
🎬 what are some of your favourite films? - Carol, The Handmaiden, Up, Imagine Me and You and White Chicks
🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory? - playing mario party 8 on a gamecube with my cousins i miss when we all had time for that
🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why? - i would meet normani and say thx for following me on twitter bbs
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I'm gonna ask Klance as I can't swing a cat without hitting 12 things tagged with that lol
Frrsajfddajgda I KNOW, RIGHT?? Like ffffff, I have nothing against the ship on principle (and more on that in a second), but I actually do have it in my tumblr savior because I could not go into Keith’s tag without seeing KLANCE, KLANCE EVERYWHERE and it got really tiring. I kid you not, once I added it into my Savior I once had a page with just one visible post because everything else was Klance. Jesus.
But anyway, to talk about the ship itself . . .
Again, I have nothing against it on principle. I don’t ship it, really, but I don’t mind it either. I think that, if written well, it could be interesting and fun and even cute. The problem is, I feel like it’s really . . . really hard to find it written well.
My main issue---and part of the reason why I wanted to stop seeing it so much all the time---is that I feel like, since it’s such a juggernaut ship, at this point it’s become kind of removed from the characters and who they actually are, versus how fandom at large wants them to be. If you watch the actual show, there really isn’t anything romantic about Keith and Lance’s interactions. They’re certainly not the type to call each other “sweetheart” and “baby,” or otherwise act very sappy and in love. But fandom wants them to be like that---they want to believe that one or both of them are pining for the other, that everyone in the castle ships it (and has shipping it as their #1 priority, depending on the work), that this is some grand love story and that, if it doesn’t end up canon, the writers were queerbaiting (when, no, they haven’t been---there’s literally nothing in canon to suggest that this ship is going to be official). It’s to the point where the fandom is so large and so vehement that fanon has superseded canon for many people. Rather than viewing the characters as they actually are in the original work, fandom has decided that they prefer their versions of the characters. And when fandom realizes this, that’s okay (albeit not my cup of coffee), but I think that, by and large, fandom has a hard time realizing it. That’s why you get situations where the shippers harass the creators and voice actors and whoever else on Twitter (which, yes, has happened, apparently---it’s as bad as Steven Universe fandom, ffs).
Even setting aside the absolutely horrendous behavior of some of the shipping base, however, the mischaracterizations are really just not my thing. I like these characters because I like these characters, and so when they act super OoC for the sake of a fanart, fic, or whatever else, I immediately lose interest. I get that people do change how they behave around someone once they become romantically involved (to an extent---their personality shouldn’t do a complete 180), but I’ve seen so many fanworks that supposedly take place in the canon timeline where Lance and/or Keith are so OoC they’re barely recognizable. I remember seeing one fic where Shiro seriously injured / killed(?) Keith (what the fuck tbh), and Lance was crying over him and calling him “sweetheart” and whatnot and I just . . . no. That’s not Lance. It’s not Shiro, either (even though it was an accident on Shiro’s part, to be fair), but that’s really not Lance. When you get to the point that the characters are unrecognizable, why are you even writing fanfiction? What is it that you really want? Is it that you actually want these characters, as they are, to be together, or is it that you just think they’re pretty and want them to fill the tropes that you’ve already become attached to from other fanworks (/yaoi manga)?
I also have an issue with the fact that so many Klance works I’ve seen treat Keith as basically a prop or accessory to make Lance look / feel special. Like, it’s not necessarily that Keith is outright bashed (though I’ve seen that too, and it’s pretty disgusting), but it’s more like they want him pining after Lance as a way to make Lance seem super cool and amazing because he clearly has to be if Keith is pining after him! Or there are instances where like, Keith is the one to stay behind and fret and worry while Lance is out there running dangerous missions all the time (when, in all honesty, why wouldn’t they be on missions together?), or Keith obviously is just the supportive trophy boyfriend who wants Lance to be the leader, etc etc, you get the idea. And I’m not the only one who has noticed this; there was a post someone made a little bit ago about this very issue, where OP actually talked about how they’re a very passionate Klance shipper, but they’ve seen a “a disturbing number of Klance fics” (their words) where Keith is bashed. Keith is my favorite character, so obviously I’m going to have a real issue with Keith being mistreated (whether that’s bashing him or treating him as a trophy / prop to make Lance look better), but even if he wasn’t my favorite I feel like that sort of behavior is garbage. Why ship a ship in which you treat one of the characters horribly? Why are you using Keith as a prop or trophy for Lance? And why would you think Lance, even though he does see Keith as a rival, would want that? (/ why would you think Keith would tolerate it, because again, he’s not the type to stay home and fret while someone he loves does something dangerous---he would be throwing himself into the conflict right alongside them, tbqh).
So I have a lot of issues with how the ship is treated in fandom, and I’m tired, too, of the fact that it’s everywhere to the point where it’s essentially The Ship™ and so it’s present even in things that have nothing to do with it (like Broganes content that comes with a side of Klance out of nowhere, like, sometimes I just want Broganes, can we just focus on that, please?). But that’s more fatigue, rather than actual dislike.
But that said, as far as the ship itself and potential for it goes . . .
Again, if I look at it from a canonical perspective (i.e. if I see these characters how they actually are in canon versus how fandom wants them to be), then I really don’t mind it, and could even like it if it was developed properly. The way I see it is:
To begin with, I see Keith as asexual. His romantic orientation is up in the air; I haven’t decided, and I think that Keith hasn’t had the time nor inclination to really think about it either, because he’s been through too much in his life + is waaaaaaaaay too high-key stressed at the moment to even begin to think about it. Certainly there’s no way he was thinking about it throughout season two, when he was so preoccupied with the thought that he might be Galra (he is) and finding out the truth of his heritage. So even setting aside his orientation, I think that there’s absolutely no way that Keith has feelings for anyone in canon at the moment. I do like the idea of some Keith ships (for instance, I think that Keith/Hunk has potential to be pretty damn cute), but I think that, right now, Keith is just not in the right headspace for a romantic relationship, and it’s not even on his radar. He’s not pining for anyone, Lance or otherwise. He has way too much on his plate right now for that to be the case. I also feel that, similarly, he wasn’t pining for Lance (or anyone) prior to season two, either. Even when he was less stressed / had less going on . . . I mean, let’s be honest, here: Keith didn’t even remember who Lance was in the first episode. It took him a minute before he remembered, “Oh yeah, you were a cargo pilot, weren’t you?” Keith’s interactions with Lance never gave me the idea that he had some massive crush on him. Even his, “We had a bonding moment!!” only really counts toward friendship, because he spoke similarly to the Red Lion (“I’m BONDING WITH YOU” --- oh Keith, that’s not how bonding or friendships work). So as far as canon goes, I don’t think that Keith has a crush on or feelings for Lance. I just don’t.
Lance, on the other hand, I see as bisexual, but I think that he thinks he’s straight, and I think (though note that this is headcanon) that this is part of the reason why he’s so insistent on flirting with pretty much every woman (or female-like alien) that crosses his path. Lance is pretty much closeted even to himself, so he acts aggressively heterosexual in order to try and maintain that denial. Eventually, as he becomes more comfortable with who he is as a person, he’ll come to accept this part of himself as well and that will help him tone down the insistent womanizing, but until then, he’s pretty much bisexual in denial. He’s trying really, really hard to convince himself (and everyone else) that he’s straight.
So that said, I could see him having a crush on Keith, particularly since we know for a canonical fact that he was very attentive to Keith prior to the show even beginning, to the point where he easily picked him out through binoculars in the first episode and ran hell for leather in after him. Yeah, it was all under the guise of “NO I’M NOT LETTING HIM WIN THIS ONE!1!!” but god, how much time did he spend staring at Keith to be able to recognize him like that, despite the fact that Keith had the lower half of his face covered with a bandanna? That’s suspicious af, Lance. Suspicious af. I think that with Lance’s feelings toward Keith, it’s a bit complicated. I do think that some of his rivalry, and some of his desire to chase after / catch up to / surpass Keith is genuine. I think that Lance sees Keith as this amazing goal to chase after, and he gets himself fired up in chasing that goal because it motivates him to keep working and to try harder. Everything seems to come naturally to Keith (from Lance’s perspective), like Keith never struggles, and that simultaneously inspires and pisses Lance off, because Lance works hard for what he gets (even though he wants it to be effortless), and so for Keith to (seemingly) have everything come naturally to him, that makes Lance want to work three times as hard to surpass him.
But at the same time, I also think that there’s a measure there where . . . Lance WANTS Keith to be The Ace, he WANTS Keith to be amazing, he LOVES that about him. Like, again, it’s half inspiration, half anger; he doesn’t actually hate Keith, he doesn’t actually resent Keith, and posts that talk about Lance being an antagonist if Keith becomes the Black Paladin because Lance would never follow him are absolute bullshit because a.) Lance has already taken direction from Keith in the show (last episode of season two), and b.) Lance doesn’t actually hate / resent Keith ffs, he just uses his rivalry with Keith as motivation to push himself to be better. But for that to work, Keith has to be at the top of his game. I think that a lot of people see Lance’s hostile attitude toward Keith dropping out as some resentment / bitterness for Iverson only saying that he (Lance) was in the program because “the best pilot in your class washed out,” and I do think that it’s true that Lance is hurt by Iverson saying that. However, I also think that Lance might have taken Keith’s dropping out personally because . . . Keith was supposed to be the best. He was supposed to be at the top of his game and here he is, dropping out, what the fuck? So he’s super hostile and aggressive toward Keith at first because Keith sort of dropped the ball on being a goal to chase. Meanwhile, Keith is just like “I don’t even know who tf you are” at first, which makes matters worse, haha.
All of this is to say---I do think, certainly, that there’s potential for Lance to have a crush on Keith, that he saw Keith as a sort of goal to chase, as a rival, but also that he couldn’t help but be attracted to that, that he couldn’t help but find Keith extremely, extremely cool (and, though he ignores this part of his brain, damn pretty, too). Keith and Allura have a lot in common in terms of personality, and so it’s possible that the parts of Allura that attract Lance (personality-wise) are the exact same traits that Keith has, and therefore Lance projects his crush on Keith onto Allura, because again, he’s in denial about his sexuality, it’s easier for him to hit on Allura than it is for him to hit on Keith. And it’s extremely possible that his feelings could grow stronger as he gets to know Keith better, though at the moment I still see it as a crush that Lance hasn’t even allowed himself to really acknowledge, because he’s not quite in the right head-space for it at the moment, either.
I could see this relationship working over time, particularly if we got to a point where Keith is the leader of Voltron (I still want Shiro back in the immediate future, though), and Lance is his right-hand. They work really well together as a team and I think that, out of everyone else on the team, Lance is best suited to be Keith’s right-hand, to back him up in terms of leadership. I could truly see them growing closer in this context, could truly see them coming together and, perhaps when things have calmed down and Keith has more of his life in order, he could develop romantic feelings for Lance as well. It’s definitely possible, just not right now.
So yeah, I have nothing against this ship in terms of the characters themselves, but my feelings on it are certainly complicated thanks to the fandom and I don’t really ship it, haha. Maybe someday, but not right now.
(Though some of the art is really pretty, I will give the fandom that.)
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so, I asked @banira-san from this post and she asked me these:
🌈 + tell me about your day
it was so-so haha. I woke up early this morning and head to the university to settle my enrollment and fees. it was nothing big and then I went to the library to do some design research until noon. on the way back, there was students' central event in the leisure area of our university and they had barbecues and hot dogs for free! the queue was so long and I was kind of in a hurry so no hot dogs for me ;A; back home, I settled down and start to cook for lunch + dinner then internet surfing! currently, reading my research materials orz what is life.
🔥 = vent
lol xD right now, it would be; WHY THE DUE DATE FOR THE FEES PAYMENT IS SO FREAKING NEAR as it, the duration between fees announcement until due date was so short that it became a burden for a private student like me :/ I just wish they'll let student pay it, at least, until middle semester so the students won't feel so pressured but oh well.
💕 = tumblr friends
not gonna lie, @banira-san is my closest friend here too and we always chat through tumblr and twitter whenever we can. she’s like, the nicest person you could ever find and very chill most of the time. I’m always thankful for her constantly sharing stuff especially about AAA and lol. oh yeah, she’s the reason why I starting to like honoka a lot!
I have a kouhai! @egutan is one of my longest online (and now, real life!) friend since 2010. known her through livejournal and our interest always collide from j-idols to anime, to drama cd and seiyuu asdfghjkl; she’s very sweet and her graphics are always on point!
@chuutohanpa is my architecture comrade + johnny’s + jdramas xD she can be really funny and talkative when you read her tweets. also, we share the same disease; ossan fever! haha
@basashichigo and @tanteichigo are my fav yutoyama stans :) whenever I see these two on tumblr and twitter, my dashboard and timeline become active :) I rarely talk with you guys but we have good relationship bc some of our interests are similar. IDK why but whenever I think of riko, vai’s name will come next and vice versa :P
I know @carrotcouple back few months ago because of our intense love for akayona and noragami. bc of her, my dashboard is full of those two anime and now I’m crying because of hakyona kiss and that last part of noragami’s latest chapter. thanks sunny, for inviting me to ‘jae-ha is the bae’ skype group though I literally went missing after couple of chats, I’m sorry I’m very old and I’m lazy orz
@yoletshaha is actually my real life best friend. we went to the same university and both of us are a very private person. but then, she got busted with me when I saw her SHINee stuff and since then, we were always together. it feels natural to have her around me. currently, both of us are pursuing our Masters at different university but we always keep in touch with each other and I went out with her quite a lot when I came back to my home country. and tbqh, I never met anyone that is so similar to me hehe
haha, your crush is so cute, citra! I guess, I understand how it feels because I’ve been in that situation before lol. and thanks for the questions xD it was funnnnnn and I just realised I am blessed to have these amazing people around me.
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dO ALL OF THEM
u make me suffer (I’m kidding thank u I love doing these)
SEND ME NUMBERS
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
@omgitsthatgingergirl !!!
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
yes
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
@omgitsthatgingergirl !!!!!
4. Are you easy to get along with?
i wanna say yes??
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
i don’t drink but i hope so?? yeah
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
this has always been a weird question for me like.. simply put & getting rid of details it could be anyone we just have to click you get me? but i want us to be similar enough so we have things to enjoy together and talk abt but not so different for it to be boring, which is why I’m beyond happy rn!!!
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
hell the fuck yeah
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
@omgitsthatgingergirl
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
nope not at all lmao
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
my friend Melanie!! or my friend Jake. One Of The Two
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
“Here we goooo”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
OH GOD
Dragula by Rob Zombie
Redbone by Childish Gambino
Everyday Robots by David Albarn
Lonely Press Play by David Albarn
From The Sun by Unknown Mortal Orchestra
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
g o d y e s
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
YEA
15. What good thing happened this summer?
nothing this past summer sucked for the most part it was just one big Depression Session
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
im dating her so yes
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
would be lame if there wasnt
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
yea!! she’s one of my best friends now
19. Do you like bubble baths?
i don’t take baths i love me a good shower tho
20. Do you like your neighbors?
half of them
21. What are your bad habits?
i procrastinate like a motherfucker & i sleep in too much & i never go out unless i either really really want to or am forced to & i forget to eat
22. Where would you like to travel?
anywhere the water is clear
23. Do you have trust issues?
YEAH THE WORST LMFAO
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
sleeping
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
yes
26. What do you do when you wake up?
keep my eyes closed and hope i fall back asleep or i take a drink of whatever drink I have on my nightstand
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
im like a ghost so i wouldn’t mind a tan or smth but otherwise I’m happy
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
friend & family & my amazing gf
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
no
30. Do you ever want to get married?
yes but in this economy it isn’t presently feasible (the second half is a joke yes i do one day want to)
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
not right now!
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
none gross
33. Spell your name with your chin.
hicj (nick)
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
None but i like hockey!
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
tv goodbye
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
mmmmyes
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
nothing or “"someone please talk” if it’s bad enough
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
@omgitsthatgingergirl
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
i can’t shop im an impulse buyer
40. What do you want to do after high school?
be a psychologist!! i wanna help people a lot
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
depends on what you did.
42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?
probably either pissed right the fuck off or im zoned waaaaay out
43. Do you smile at strangers?
yeah!! spread that positivity
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
space
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
liquids, a need to use the bathroom, food, i have things to do, and i wanna text @omgitsthatgingergirl
46. What are you paranoid about?
all of my relationships and friendships are fake it’s all one big elaborate prank
47. Have you ever been high?
ish?? some concerts I go to have weed in high volume n the smell kinda gets to me and i get sleepy as fuck
48. Have you ever been drunk?
nope!!!!!! miss me with that fuck shit
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
no wtf
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
black
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
…yeah… BUT NOT RECENTLY LEGGOO
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
yes
53. Favourite makeup brand?
i don’t use it but i prob could/should
54. Favourite store?
…five below
55. Favourite blog?
SO MANY
56. Favourite colour?
SO MANY!!!
57. Favourite food?
SO MSANY OH GOD
58. Last thing you ate?
Chinese food
59. First thing you ate this morning?
…Gatorade
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
no im lame as fuck
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
nope im a Good Child
62. Been arrested? For what?
IM A GOOD CHILD
63. Ever been in love?
yeah i am right now what’s up ask me anything
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
junior homecoming.
65. Are you hungry right now?
…i just ate but I could eat more
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
yeAH
67. Facebook or Twitter?
twitter tbh
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr?? i guess
69. Are you watching tv right now?
no
70. Names of your bestfriends?
Angela ( @omgitsthatgingergirl follow my gf she’s amazing), SHOUT OUT TO LETITTY ( @tattami ), Melanie, Dennis, Abigail, Tiphanny ( @t-kristen go follow them!!), Nick, Victor/Vogner, Megan ( @lapisslazupee a quality meme), and a whole lot of others!!!
71. Craving something? What?
yes my gf to be near me so i can hug her and we can chill and sleep
72. What colour are your towels?
they change colors a lot there’s white and purple and blue and more
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
…four or five-
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
one rn his name is O’Shaugnessey
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
S o m a n y
75. Favourite animal?
so many but wolves have a special place in my heart
76. What colour is your underwear?
currently it’s grey
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
yes
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
probably phish food
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
dark blue!
80. What colour pants?
they’re plaid i think?? w red and black they’re sleep pants and im comfortable as FUCK
81. Favourite tv show?
SCRUBS
82. Favourite movie?
… Moana? rn yeah
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
first one
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
either
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
yes
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
im nemo
87. First person you talked to today?
my friend jake
88. Last person you talked to today?
couldn’t say still tkkkng to people
89. Name a person you hate?
a lot…
90. Name a person you love?
ANGELA!!!!!
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
YEA LMAO
92. In a fight with someone?
ish?? they’re just being… rude rn
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
i dunno like maybe two
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
at least 5
95. Last movie you watched?
Jurassic World
96. Favourite actress?
so many
97. Favourite actor?
EZRA MILLER !!!! LOVE THAT BOY
98. Do you tan a lot?
sometimes?
99. Have any pets?
three fat cats!
100. How are you feeling?
bueno
101. Do you type fast?
fairly fast compared to my friends
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
the entirety
103. Can you spell well?
as a writer (a shitty one), yes
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
a few
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
yeah? kinda
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
dunno tbqh
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
no!
108. What should you be doing?
sleeping, probably
109. Is something irritating you right now?
yeah lmfao
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
YEAH
111. Do you have trust issues?
you asked this (yes big ones)
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Angela
113. What was your childhood nickname?
nicky… if you call me that you’re dead to be tbqh like you’ve gotta be Real Close to call me that
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
mhm!
115. Do you play the Wii?
not for years but catch me at the resort
116. Are you listening to music right now?
not rn but i usually am
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
mhm!
118. Do you like Chinese food?
yeah but not much
119. Favourite book?
The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (fucking read it it’s amazing)
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
yeah sometimes!
121. Are you mean?
i motherfuckin can be
122. Is cheating ever okay?
HELL THE FUCK NO WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
who buys white shoes these days i don't
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
yeah!
125. Do you believe in true love?
mhm
126. Are you currently bored?
a bit?
127. What makes you happy?
a lot of stuff
128. Would you change your name?
I’ve always liked the name Alex ngl but i probs change my last name i don’t want to be linked to my father more than I have to be
129. What your zodiac sign?
Cancer!
130. Do you like subway?
never been (not big on sandwiches)
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
knowing me, prob like them back
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
you asked this it’s my friend Melanie
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
check my blog title tbqh i change it to what I like most at the time
134. Can you count to one million?
never tried but I probably could?
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
i don’t know but i know it was the dumbest shit
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
closed
137. How tall are you?
6′1″
138. Curly or Straight hair?
yes
139. Brunette or Blonde?
yes
140. Summer or Winter?
a cool summer or winter so the answer is yes
141. Night or Day?
NIGHT
142. Favourite month?
i love december honestly
143. Are you a vegetarian?
nope
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
yes?
145. Tea or Coffee?
hot chocolate
146. Was today a good day?
yeah!!!!!
147. Mars or Snickers?
neither thanks
148. What’s your favourite quote?
there’s a lot
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
yes
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
“Trembling, I pulled myself from the shaft and tried to dust off.” - Virals, by Kathy Reichs. Great series, which I do recommend!
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a freaky and disorienting thing is that ive realized that, as i accept more and more that i am a trans guy and thats ok, the more i sympathize w/ male characters that are just........ objectively The Worst. like i suffered through the ENTIRETY of Just Friends(2005) for Ryan Reynolds, and-- actually, hold on a sec, before i get back to the point i gotta take a quick sidebar to explain the pain, the TORTURE that is Just Friends, the 2005 film starring Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart, and written by Adam 'Tex' Davis.
i had to watch it muted for like 90% of the film. the intensity of the “cringe” aspect of this film that bills itself as a “cringe “”””comedy””””” was so off-the-charts that i physically could not stop myself from vocalizing my discomfort through groans and screeches. i would mute the film, turn the screen away, play on my phone for a minute because i literally could not handle seeing the rest of the scene, only to turn my computer back around and find it STILL ON THE EXACT SAME SCENE. i skipped entire swathes of the film. it literally got to the point that i could not handle what was happening and i just--
i gave up! i gave up and i just skipped forward until i found scenes i thought i could handle, or that featured two people Talking instead of some Event Happening, and i’d watch that, and then the scene would change and i’d be in Suffer Town again, population 1: me. Me is the only inhabitant of Suffer Town. so much of the movie hinges so thoroughly on like-- like. A Person Failing At A Thing They’re Good At. and it made me want to die. i think this movie gave me depression, on top of my preexisting depression. it squared my depression.
OKAY, back to my original point. or like, a mixture of explaining The Film, and explaining why my own reaction to it startled me so much. anyway.
so, ignoring the intense amount of Suffering you’ll have to live through if you’re bound and determined to watch ryan reynold’s entire filmography and you get to this monstrosity, the gist of the plot is thus: ryan reynolds plays a man who was a Stock Dweeb Character in high school. overweight, very low self-esteem, “uncool” hobbies, a very uncomfortable fixation on the one pretty girl who is nice to him and hangs out with him(who herself is dating a Stock Jerk Jock Football Player, who we’ll call SJJ, because I can’t remember his name and he doesn’t matter). on their graduation night they throw a party, he signs her yearbook with a Love Confession, and intends to give it to her.
something something The Yearbooks Accidentally Get Swapped, something something She Reads The Wrong Note And Goes “Um. Wtf My Dude????”. cue him going “NOO I DIDNT WRITE THAT WHAT? WHAT? WAIT OH NOOOO!!!”. cue him running downstairs and seeing SJJ reading his confession aloud to a chorus of twittering classmates.
so yeah, he’s embarrassed, the whole school’s laughing at him because of Course. he runs from the party yelling that he’s going to “be somebody” and also something about how the rest of them will never be anybody. ya’know. that usual thing you see Generic Stock Nerds saying when their feelings are real hurt in movies.
cut to the future. he looks like ryan reynolds in 2005, so, you know. Really Fucking Good. like, Only Reason To Watch This Garbage Film levels of good. like, They Should Have Given Him Shirtless Scenes As Payment For Me Sitting Through The Rest Of It kinda’ fine. anyway. he’s hot and beautiful and is a talent manager for celebrities. he’s all rich and attractive, and he’s a complete sack of garbage to women.
he’s actively horrified of the “friendzone”(im cringing right now just writing the word. its so awful) and he’s really not interested in women above a surface level. we see a woman at a bar who’s clearly his date telling him that he’s the Worst and that he needs to see women as people. as she talks he is disinterested at best. she walks away and another lady, who’s overheard the conversation, looks him up and down and decides she doesn’t really care what he’s like because he’s pretty, they flirt, and suddenly he’s been broken up with and acquired a NEW date in the span of about a minute of screentime.
he gets women basically wherever he goes, because he’s only really interested in a specific type of person and(i promise this is the last time i say it) because he looks like 2005 ryan reynolds.
so because of some Plot Devices, he ends up back in his hometown and unable to get a plane out. he sees SJJ who is now a washed-up drunkard who wears his old varsity jacket around because Of Course. ryan finds him offputting, as do i, and it’s one of the few nearly funny scenes in the film, just because i enjoy juxtaposition and so(despite it being the most boilerplate, run-of-the-mill, dull point to make in a film) it actually was something i didn’t hate to see.
he also sees Pretty Girl From High School. they semi-hit it off. she’s shocked that he looks Like That(i know i promised not to mention it again but it’s a legit plot point this time leave me alone), he’s shocked she still looks Like That. they agree to get food the next day.
ryan acts like a bit of a dick, name-dropping celebs he works with left and right, and getting really aggressive when a waitress drops off a plate of his old usual(a really fattening pancake... thing. it looked gross tbqh.) and like, ok, so, i just, here’s where i--
okay. okay. okay. okay. in Ye Olde Days, i wouldve written him off as a douche, and hated him, and, i. i
i couldnt help but, feel, SO bad for him???? like. okay. he just. he had NO self-esteem as a teen. he felt extremely bad about himself, for a TON of reasons, so he literally ran away and reinvented himself entirely and, found a marginal amount of enjoyment from his life???? like, was he happy? no. but he was... he hated himself a little less maybe? he worked really hard to feel good about his body, he worked really hard to get a job he felt any semblance of pride in, he worked REALLY hard to eventually get to a place where he could feel... literally anything positive at any point. he genuinely truly put in real effort to become healthy and have a good career.
and then he, he gets stuck back at his old house, and people are trying to force him to eat food that makes him feel awful and then mocking him when he gets defensive about it, he gets injured and needs to go back to wearing his retainer again, he openly fails at a BUNCH of stuff that he’s specifically been working REALLY FUCKIN HARD AT, for YEARS, because he was insecure about being bad at it in high school(like ice skating, he’s really good at it now because he sucked in high school and he wanted to overcome that), and then also receives more mocking for failing at it, and. you just.
you’re watching someone who was at the bottom of a pit of despair, who clawed tooth and nail at the clay walls of their misery-prison in order to haul themselves all the way up to the lofty height of “misery pit again, but different this time”, as they get caught in a downpour that completely erases all their progress and they slide right back to where they started. you see him completely regress and it K I L L E D me. he gets stuck back in a place where every single flaw he tried to overcome is just! shoved! back! on him! all over!
and, yeah, he’s. not great to women. he’s not beating them or anything, i don’t think he treats them SUPER badly, or actively thinking of them as lesser. but it doesn’t change the fact that he is BAD to them, and he thinks of all interactions with attractive women as transactional. and thats TERRIBLE. but i just!!! i cant help myself man i cant stop i just i look at him and all i feel is like!!!!!!!
leave him alone!!!!!!!!!!! get the boy therapy or something!!! dont tear him down like this!!!!!!! we cant just tear someone down every time they make a semblance of an attempt at being Not Miserable!!!!!!!! just!!!!! he doesnt need this, man!!!!! hes literally just The Saddest Person with The Lowest Self Esteem Of All Time, so he uses his newfound ability to find people willing to sleep with him, as a way of raising his self esteem. is he the Best Person? not on your life. but he’s just! a sad little man! who’s trying his best! i dont wanna see him torn to shreds, man. i just want him to realize that his self-worth doesn’t have to rely entirely on whether or not he’s sexually appealing.
because at the end of the day, i think that’s his major problem??? his own self-worth is so thoroughly wrapped up in whether he perceives himself as someone who’s sexually appealing to others.
which like! fuck you! thats considered a Big Problem and So Sad when it’s a girl, if she feels her only self-worth comes from being sexually attractive to men, but, it feels like every time i see a dude goin thru somethin similar, its like “oh hes just a Bad.” and i get it, not only do men have the societal power in this equation, but also when theyre dealin with this same problem, dudes tend to externalize it in really unhealthy and sexist ways, and im not. im not saying every sexist dude just needs a manic pixie dream girl to waltz into his life or some shit!!! im just!!!!!!!!!! idk!!!
i just cant stop sympathizing w/ the dude. and wanting him to get Help. and suffering immensely when i see him literally regressing into a place of misery right before my very eyes.
when really all i was supposed to get from the movie is “man was Fat and Gross. he grow up 2 b Sexist Womanizer. now he see old crush and learn Sexism Bad. then kissy”
#long post tag#LIKE. this is simply one example#i still generally go ''nah hes a Dick'' but ive been. more and more. just bein like#''but...................... b- but........ tht poor guy :(''#and im so lost. i feel like im in a wind tunnel of confusion#maybe this is a Healthier way to be and maybe im just Maturing and this happens to be coinciding with like#getting more comfortable w/ saying im trans and acknowledging im A Dude#so idk. but. still. life is weird and bad and i dont understand#maybe im loosing the Female Perspective. maybe in a month i'll be an incel complaining about Femoids#(im joking)
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