#this is things that are extremely clear to me in my mind but ive never seen anyone mention it so im putting the thought in your minds:
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hajime is soo autistic guys do you not see it. he is seen as "slow" by his peers and can't do things that come naturally to others, gets anxious easily in new situations and hates change, is very sensitive and emotional, emphathetic towards everything including bugs, can talk for hours about the things he likes
#(points to the time he cried over a firefly)#also the occasional acting like an animal thing -the time he licked tomoya's hair in sweet halloween#the lavender satchets also#this is things that are extremely clear to me in my mind but ive never seen anyone mention it so im putting the thought in your minds:#he is autistic#hajime shino#enstars#mar's midnight rambles#i should try to make a compilation maybe#<-still has things to read#how to ra*bits
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Jealous over Astarion's affections
Pairing: Astarion x Reader -- This is set in Act I
I got triggered by some flirtations banter between him and Shadowheart and I realized, my tav, if anything like me, would probably feel extremely jealous too. We are not together yet, so do I even have a claim on him? I needed to write down this scenario.
Tags: angst, fluff, sadness, angst, fluff, then maybe eventually smut because I do love that
Part I. Crowned light moon of mine - I found you too soon
Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight
Part III : maybe tonight I'll rest in peace
Part IV: There is much to do and I still want to live
Part V: Our futures bound, our bodies known
Part VI : These ain't my sins, I broke my chains
Part VII: You are not mine and am I truly yours?
Part VIII : your blood like wine, invite me in
Part IX: I'll welcome my sentence and give you my penance
Part X : I can't go yet...don't let me die
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What a day. As you all were sitting down next to the campfire, your eyes couldn't help but wander at Astarion. While you all were fairly new to each other, you noticed, Shadowheart was quite comfortable around Astarion. and Astarion was acting quite familiar around her too. You wished you didn't see that. So you quickly averted your eyes. Every one else seemed to be busy being merry, laughing, drinking and having a good time. So why couldn't you relax?
You stood up, intending to clear your head. Why do you feel such a sharp pang. You don't love him. You barely know him, he may not even be a good person for all you know. What had you hoped? That he would favor you over everyone? But why... is it because, you yearn...
You yearn for him.
Your heart lit up. And then, you remembered, he didn't, yearn for you. He likes Shadowheart. The beautiful Shadowheart. And she is powerful. Of course he would. She was like a dangerous flower. But a flower all the same. And you? Just a nobody, with no past, and a future you cannot envision. Nothing to your name. Except for a sword, bound to you by a pact. Power. To dispel enemies. To fight your way in this madness that has engulfed your world. But they weren't enough. Not enough for him to yearn for you...
You ran.
Through the woods, far away from your friends, and the warm fire. Through the darkness, like your racing mind. Till you were out of breath in a field bathed in silver moonlight. And the world was quiet. And you felt welcome by Nature. And loved. By the world around. There was not a soul around, and you broke down, in tears. As you felt sorry for the state your heart was in. And how brutally it was crushed. You blamed yourself for even getting your hopes up.
You wailed.
Your cries could not be heard by anyone here. You felt grateful for the serenity. You lay on the grass, hugging yourself. Before long, you closed your eyes, and were drifting off due to exhaustion. The day was hard. The night even more so.
Your light sleep was interrupted by the sound of twigs cracking under approaching light footsteps. You jolted up and were shocked at the shadowy figure looming over you. Instantly your hand reached for your Pact Weapon, but the other party - just as shocked initially - cried out in self defense. "Its' me! Astarion! Please, I did not mean to scare you. Please."
You lowered your weapon. But he had some explaining to do.
"I am sorry, I - I didn't realize it was you. I - I thought you were someone else. A bandit. And I, I was going to well... I was hungry."
He took a deep breath. Resolved to his fate. "I would never hurt you. Or any of my friends. I want you to trust me."
"Alright, let's say that is true, what did you want with this.. bandit? You wanted to loot him I suppose." You put your weapon away.
"That's the other thing. I am not sure, if I should be telling you this, but, I am so hungry, and .. and I have been very unlucky tonight, you see."
"Did Karlach not leave you any food? Or were you so distracted, talking to Sha- other people, that you forgot to eat?"
"I, I need blood to survive."
Silence followed. Deafening silence. He looked down. As if he was ashamed. Then looked up at your with pleading yes.
Your eyes widened in disbelief. Incredulous, you couldn't believe you had missed the signs that were there all along. Everything pointed to him being a Vampire. So that boar..... But now what? There is a Vampire in your midst! OMG. Had you just put your entire party in danger?! You and your stupid trusting heart. What now? Should you kill him?
"I never, please believe me, I never hurt people I know. Those who are my friends. But please, I am very hungry, I just need... a little bit.. it will help me fight better, and make me feel like myself, again".
He knelt down. On his knees... "If it isn't too much, I only need a little bit - or you are free to stake me".
You looked down at the sorry state he was in. This man who you were yearning for, on his knees, pleading you. He was pleading for your blood. That was the only problem. You didn't want him to, but wanted him to not be in such a state either. You wanted to help him. There went your stupid kind heart again. You never learn.
"Will it hurt?"
Astarion looked up - incredulous that you even entertained the idea. "What? Oh! No, only a little prick. And I can be extra careful too -"
"Does it have to be the neck? Because I don't want-" "And you don't have to - if you don't want to" He had stood up. He lifted your right hand, and lifted it to his lips - placing a light kiss. "I am more than happy, with your hand. May I?" He looked up. A darkness in his eyes. Hunger? Greed? Deception? Maybe all of it. You nod slightly.
He caressed your hand with both of his, dragging his lips over your wrist sending sparks through your body. This felt so wrong, yet your body liked his touch. You could smell his hair, bergamot. He was taller than you. Lit up in the moon, this man was gorgeous. And dangerous, as he was just about to prove himself to be. You looked away as he bared his fangs. You hated anything piecing your skin. Hoping you don't feel a lot, you closed your eyes, and you did not. It was barely a prick like he promised. You were grateful.
After a while, you decided this was more than enough of a favor. You tried withdrawing your hand. He got the hint. He let your hand go and stepped back, and looked at your with a grateful smile. "Would you like me to...escort you back, to camp?"
Should you let him? Weren't you running away from how he was making you feel. Wouldn't Shadowheart notice? What would she think? But, how could you refuse him. After all, you may never get another chance...to walk with him. Through the woods. Just the two of you. Even as friends. Or strangers. You grasped at what you could get.
You two walked back in silence. Him next to you. Every now and again you would look at him. He seemed lost in thought, smiling. You figured he must be thinking of her. Your heart sank, and the gratitude you were feeling at being able to walk next to him, quickly dissipated to pangs of sharp pain again. What started as a romantic moonlit walk quickly turned into an unbearable awkwardness for you, and you wished you were back already. So you quickened your pace.
Very soon, you could see the warm glow of the fire. What a relief. You just need a hug. From Karlach. Or Halsin. And you could forget about the unceremonious way you let your heart pine for a man out of your reach. And upon reaching camp - you did just that. You forsook Astarion immediately and without another glance at him, ran to Karlach and buried your face in her, lest you start crying again. You didn't care what he did, whether he went back to Shadowheart, you did not want to witness that.
Afterwards when the whole camp had quietened down. You hung around with Karlach, Gale and Wyll. You assumed, Shadowheart was in Astarion's tent. And you dare not look that way. You asked those lingering - what their reason to live was. Did everyone have something to live for? What would they do, after all this was over?
An interesting discussion followed. You felt you got to know your comrades a bit better. It made you feel warm. The cold that was left due to the lack on one was filled by the warmth of many, and you smiled. You liked it. And you liked your new found friends.
Later that night, you lay in your tent, and tried to drive away all the thoughts about how no one would miss you. If you were not there, or how you were not as interesting as some of the others. And as you fought hard, with yourself, you realized, that there must be others like you out there who needed someone to know them, to look at them, and value them. And you realized you had a purpose. You could be needed. You could carve out a meaning for your existence in this crazy world. You wanted to be there for those that needed you. You will be the hero. And that would be the reason to exist, you would love yourself, so you can love those who needed to be loved.
And with that comforting thought you drifted away.
Part II : Lace your heart with mine Let your sleeping soul take flight
#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#astarion bg3#astarion romance#baldurs gate 3#angst#jealousy#forbidden love#pining
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i feel like ive seen too many very odd reads of this whole thing, so i do wanna go through jaime & the brutal murder of rhaegar and elia’s children situation.
first of all, we know jaime’s main function as a kingsguard at 15: he is a pawn in aerys and tywin’s beef. he is a hostage and a means to rob tywin of an heir
this is what rhaegar tells him too. despite jaime’s guilt, it was not a “i am leaving everything in your hands 💔 you are my most trusted knight” being said to an unseasoned teen, rhaegar isn’t dense, but a: “he is tywin’s son, he is the ideal hostage to keep him under control. a crutch for aerys and his dangerous paranoia (even if just to satiate him, which is why he was kept close, again, people knew that aerys was erratic atp.)” we have the actual conversation. rhaegar is open about this, he isnt really tricking jaime here. they also emphasize that he has to stay near aerys. that is his primary role, not anything else. what rhaegar didn’t take into consideration is that tywin, when it comes down to it, will sack the city anyway (neither did he know what would happen at the trident, and how badly the tides will turn, how it will affect aerys and how he will think he was betrayed by lewyn and dorne, how he will not let elia and the children leave etc), the stakes are too great for house lannister and we know tywin will not pick the losing side. it is already a pretty grim situation for jaime, who had witnessed the brutal executions of a bunch of people at this point, to be left alone in the hands of a mad man as someone who eventually becomes solely responsible for the red keep, while also being functionally a hostage while his father decides to betray the crown, but of course, aerys has a bigger plan to retaliate and therefore jaime also has bigger things to worry about.
jaime feels guilt and responsibility about the whole thing anyway, and the way it is read in the most bad faith way imaginable is kind of odd to me. the dream is extremely integral. it reveals things to us that jaime pushes down as a narrator. it peels off the layers. first of all, jaime is explicit about ned’s judgement, the kingslayer complex, and the role that played, and his concious expects ned to show up in the dream as well, but it is revealed to be not actually about that. he, and that external source of judgement and scorn, is not the thing that haunts him. we see that it is a deep sense of failure over being unable to triumph over contradictions. he reflects on this after the dream too: “it was not him. it was never him.” and the message is deliberately delivered by the ghosts of the people that embody that initial quixotic view of the world that he had as a boy.
i have seen people claim that the “light dimming” is meant to indicate jaime lying about not knowing (being aware that tywin can be very brutal and is capable of hurting innocents is different from jaime knowing or suspecting this order). even if that wasnt contradicted in the text (ill get to this), it doesnt seem to work with the dream? the fires also gutter out when he gets condemned for killing the king right after, there is no clear him “lying” consistency here. and even if you go by that interpretation, the flame is unaffected by the claim of “i was with the king”, which would then have to be true (and it is—so again what is jaime meant to do here?) because we know the scaling of maegor’s holdfast was happening simultaneously with aerys being murdered and the wildfire plot being stopped. the main function of this part of the dream is jaime’s light, a “romantic burning out” as george puts it, being destroyed by contradictory oaths and a fundamentally unjust and cynical world. the light being withered is about losing hope & purpose, and failing to keep vows that actually matter. rhaegar’s children, his guilt over them, and the oath they embody (protect the weak, defend the innocent) plague his mind. the “I never thought he’d hurt them” is relevant in a different way. jaime is guilty of being an extension of the lannister regime. he is guilty of enabling it. and this is more relevant to him after this event, in the present. the whole dream operates on three levels: past, present, and future.
it is why this idea comes up with the tysha situation as well. whether he knew or considered it at the time (and i do not personally think he did, or it was compartmentalized) or not is not whats truly relevant. i think the point that is being emphasized is that tywin and his legacy is something that has to be rejected entirely in the present. he knows by now inarguably. no more “looking without seeing.” this justification does not work anymore. anyway, the point is that his light goes out because of the terror of being confronted with these contradictory oaths and impossible situations where these heavy choices have to be made, with devastating costs. the vows cannot compromise. these are situations and choices that destroy a nonexistent ideal that he had always romanticized in every aspect of his life. it is a culmination of the build up of everything jaime held close to his heart being torn down during those two years serving in the kingsguard. it is about the conflict between ethics and morals: “In some queer way, that had been worse than Lord Chelsted’s screaming. “We are sworn to protect her as well,” Jaime had finally been driven to say. “We are,” Darry allowed, “but not from him.” & “After, Gerold Hightower himself took me aside and said to me, “You swore a vow to guard the king, not to judge him.”
but this situation is intentionally impossible in every aspect. morals and ethics conflict. we have the obvious of what do you do when killing the king breaks the oath you swore to protect him? what if not doing it means breaking the oath to protect the innocent? what if your heroes condemn you despite you telling them the full context of this dilemma and make the fire gutter out permanently? what if being with the king (be it to protect him or kill him to save a city) means you are not there to protect the children from your own father (who you are also sworn to obey)? the moral constructs that this society operates with is nonsense, and it is not confronted by people. can the horrors be fought at all? this is how you have someone described as a “very idealistic young man” by george turn into the amoral bitter cynic we see in the actual series who proceeds to revolve his life around another delusion instead, the only one that remains to him, and loses his own moral code due to how extremely it all conflicts with all code of ethics. it results in a cowardly acceptance of the horrors, his selfishness and faux nihilism, and leads to the enablement and perpetuation of evil.
there is a reason this whole thing haunts jaime and his narrative, and starts blending together with the starks in adwd (something jaime is directly accountable for), and is a huge factor when it comes to jaime effectively contradicting tywin’s dogma when he goes with brienne. jaime became that “knight” in many ways, he, by his own admission, became the smiling knight, who he later also labels “the mountain of my boyhood.” but he is not anymore, which is why there are notable anti parallels in that chapter.
when it comes to how much jaime knew back then, i think the text is pretty clear:
1. if jaime knew or suspected that tywin had the massacre of an entire family already in motion the hope of “leaving to make terms” would not really be there. 2. after he is found, crakehall informs him that they secured the city and the castle. jaime points out in retrospect that this was only half true, and that he couldn’t have known about the scaling (and other things) still happening by this point. jaime is under the impression that everything is secured as a result. he orders everyone who yields to be spared. he is also under the impression as per his narration that aegon is still there, safe and alive, and could be a potential king. however, he does become concerned about the possibility of another aerys. there is a reason he climbs the throne here imo. i never read this as “jaime too busy fucking around lol” or “is intentionally letting them die because his blood is in both of them.” again, he orders everyone who yields spared, and is under the impression that the castle is already secured. he even entertains the possibility of tywin being hand to aegon as king (clearly not possible with what is in the middle of happening —and if he even suspects this threat, why is this considered a possibility by him?) until he gets an aerys flashback, and decides against it despite it serving his family. he has a lot of things on his mind right now anyway to figure out tywin’s current strategy when it comes to house lannister (not to mention this is not really how jaime’s brain works, he is not very machiavellian minded) considering he just damned himself by committing one of the most significant oathbreakings in history, and that someone will fill the hole left by the person who had the power to nuke a city, something that jaime has nightmares about nearly 20 years later. and even if he was aware of this threat that he clearly wasn’t, considering the fact that it was happening simultaneously with jaime killing aerys and being found, if he knew and tried to rush over there after killing aerys, judging from the distance, it would have been too late. hence “i was with the king…” in the dream.
#jaime lannister#i am genuinely baffled at how something so clearly presented can be skewed to the point that it usually is#like this is the core of much of his character too like hello#ig bc none of this was in the show??? lol???
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im going to put my answers below bc i know some of these vids are likely not returning to dnp and i do agree with that i just wanted to do a fun poll abt if you could have another of these vids then which would you choose. ofc like ive said before we have no control over dnp uploads and i fully know some of these won’t come back lol
ok first of all i don’t think pinof is coming back and i think that’s been clear for ages anyways like ten is a nice number to leave it. HOWEVER i do think an april fools dapc pinof would be hilarious. answering crafties questions and whatever they send to craft universe dnp.
same with amazingdan BUT maybe there’s a slight chance of reacting to amazingdan. maybe not since so much time has already passed since pinof reactions (four months …..) honestly out of the options i’m not that bothered about pinof or amazingdan i feel like they’re classic dnp content that’s fine left as it is
ok for the pizza mukbang thing i don’t care for it to be a mukbang video lol like the actual thing was the nice sit down talk vibes pyjama pizza w friends maybe this is exactly what dan means abt being parasocial 😭 but that video is nice so i don’t think the actual mukbang part of it is that important it’s more the sit down talk style vid
i think i would do anything for another day in the life but i feel like it is prob peak parasocial content. would it count as phouse tour probably. do i think there will be a phouse tour no bc it sounds like it is still having a lot of work done 😭 and i honestly don’t really care abt it… i think the sims renovation was fun and an insight into their interior design opinions lol and that is enough for me
i put it takes two bc a lot of people want to see the next bit i like the game but not rly enough. idk it’s been awhile since that first vid and in terms of other games and things from dnp i don’t rly mind about it takes two being ignored 😭
i know baking is not a discontinued thing anymore bc HALLOWEEN but BUT i really believed easter baking would be a thing 💔 dapc had so much put into it that i kind of forgot about wanting a baking vid but 💔 i can’t lie i think i got set on the expectation for it. like the baking vids have always been absolute classic staple dnp content but definitely the cinnamon roll one was like the baking vids to the extreme… the full potential AND THE BAKE WAS GOOD TOO. the vid was also pretty popular. so my expectations for easter were a bit high. ok so if this poll is like magically summon a dnp vid 🪄 maybe id consider baking because i just love it so much like irl as a hobby but also then dnp doing one of my fav things too and it being so fun idk it’s some of the best dnp content imo. i would love them to try a series of making food from videogames but no offence to them i don’t get the vibe that they cook a lot…… so i think it might not happen. but dil is turning TEN in september so maybe dnp special dil birthday cake baking vid 💔 pleaese pleasemaybe
i think tumblr tag is totally plausible although ik the april fools tumblr tag thing 💔 bc the twitter vid happened i think they’ll do a tumblr one at some point. there’s so much amazing art on here not just fanart but written stuff video and photo edits so i’d want them to see all of that as well as the funny stuff. this isn’t like top of my list of things i’d want to see but it’s definitely one of the more plausible things
dapc behind the scenes content its either happening or it will never be spoken of
honestly idk if they would do reactions to the super amazing project. bc like what vids would they choose. maybe i can see them referencing it or discussing it if someone asked or in a live but idk about reaction vids.
ok draw my life would be fun and i’d watch them. i’d watch an updated dil draw my life too. they put so much effort into that dil draw my life. maybe an updated one for dil’s 10th birthday will happen? that would be pretty fun.
i think if i had to choose it would be a ditl vid. top 3 would be ditl, mukbang or literally just any sit down talk vid, and another baking video. ditl may literally just be bc of nostalgia i don’t really see it happening again but who knows. again just a poll about which vid you’d want to see if you could magic up a dnp vid i definitely know some of these aren’t coming back or very unlikely to
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best hands ive ever seen pt.2
ship: loubbie x fem!reader
word count: 695+
warnings: none, mention of sex but none (yet)
synopsis: You finally learn what Lou and Debbie want with you
After what seemed like the longest car ride, you eventually reached wherever these women were taking you. “Let’s go honey,” Lou taps your leg and urges you to get out. You do as you’re told and stand next to the car, waiting for the other women to guide you where you needed to be. Debbie smiles at you at walks towards an old building, which looks like it should be abandoned. “Is this where you’re taking me?”, you ask nervously. Lou chuckles, “don’t worry, its much nicer inside.”
Lou tosses Debbie the keys and waits for her to open the door, then you take a look inside. A massive loft, covered with expensive furniture, shelves stacked with records and racks cluttered with fur coats and empty hangers. “Do you guys live here?”, you ask, still inspecting the place. “Well, not so much anymore, it’s pretty much just where we plan,” Debbie explains, throwing the keys on a nearby table. “Plan?”, you question, sitting down on the sofa. “We should probably explain,” Lou sits down on the chair in front of you, Debbie adjacent. “Lou and I have been doing this for years, getting away with stealing and making millions from it. And Lou happened to find you, a girl with good hands,” Debbie explained, Lou nodding along with her. “Basically, we’re asking you if you’d want to be in the next heist?”, Lou asked bluntly.
You were shocked to say the least. That’s definitely the last thing that you were expecting from these two women. “I, uh. I’m not sure what to say,” you laugh out. “Well?” Lou teases, leaning forward, placing both her hands on your knees. You blush, obviously, and look at Debbie, hoping for some sort of support, but she just cocks her head and raises a brow. “S-sure,” you answer, unconfidently.
"Please doing business with you," Debbie shakes your hand. It was just now that the two women realised they never caught your name. "Oh, I'm Y/N by the way," you said, as if reading their mind.
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Over the coming days, you learn their body language and how they spoke to eachother. Lou was extremely flirty with everyone that she saw, apparently, and Debbie was there to apologise for her. You also noticed how much more intense the flirting had became. Both women teased with you and gave eachother a smirk.
One night, after the rest of the group had went home and Debbie had went to bed, it was only you and Lou up. She had poured you a whiskey with ice, however she had it neat. Her leg propped up on the table in front of you both, one hand held her glass, the other entertaining a lighter. "So, Y/N," Lou begins, her low voice helps to accentuate her accent. You turn her attention to you and also prop your foot on the table. "Are you single? Any lady we should be aware of," Lou jokes, sipping her whiskey and raising a brow.
You blush and hesitate to answer, Lou grows impatient. "So?", she pries. "Well, no. It's a bit complicated," you say quietly, almost embarrassed. Lou only hums in response, waiting for you to continue. "I've never really had a thing for girls my age," you practically stutter out. Lou's smirk was plastered across her face. "You have a thing for older women honey?", her lighter is soon thrown on the table and she moves closer to you.
Nervously, you clear your throat before answering, "you could say that." The older woman clearly notices the tension rising between you and decides to see how far she can go. "So, Debs and I, we've been talking," her veiny hand is palming your knee. You nod, thinking that it's better not to speak. "Would you be interested in joining us? In the bedroom?" Lou asks a bit too casually.
So many thoughts are going through your head. The main one being: yes. All you could do at that moment is nod. Lou simply hums before downing the rest of her whiskey, giving you a quick kiss to the forehead before whispering in your ear, "Stay the night, we have a spare room."
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Taglist: @mllkw33ds @isle-of-earle @chillinftladygaga @cordeliaswife @angelick1sses @gmtsu @thenazwife @ladysc @midnightlove30 @blanchettlovebot @bellasbaxters
Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!
#fanfic#lgbt#gay#cateblanchett#cate blanchett#oceans8#lesbian#lou miller#oceans 8#lou miller x reader#debbie ocean#debbie ocean x reader#debbieoceanxreader#loubbie x reader#loubbiexreader#sandra bullock#sandrabullock
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The Archer | Chapter IV: Peace
Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X
Summary: Adapting to the Metkayina is harder on you than you thought it would be. Friction develops as both you and Neteyam's seeds of resentment for each other start to grow. Gideon discovers a secret in the forest that will change his purpose.
Pairings: Neteyam x Avatar!Reader, Lo'ak x Tsireya
Word Count: 11.8k words
Warnings/notes: smut(18+, minors DNI!), angst, mentions of death, blood, violence, cursing, SPOILERS for ATWOW
A/N: This chapter has probably been the hardest thing I have ever written - still finding writing the film whilst somehow finding a way to make it feel new and fit with the story extremely difficult. I tried to fit a lot of the Metkayina storyline in this chapter, but still have a long way to go, and so this will probably be a couple more chapters than I had originally planned. It was nice to reimagine the movie to fit the reader in, and I hope you enjoy reading about what I think went on behind the scenes we did get to see 🥰 Next chapter is when everything picks up and becomes angst-central, so enjoy this aptly named instalment x
Also, Lima Charlie means Loud and Clear, for everyone like me that was confused in the cinema x
Series masterlist (x)
And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences
Sit with you in the trenches
Give you my wild, give you a child
Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other
Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother
Is it enough if I can never give you peace?
Neteyam woke up naturally with the sun, something he has always been able to do. Whether willing or not, he has always been an early riser, ready to make the best of each day given to him by the grace of Eywa. It was strange sharing a tent with his family again, but he did enjoy hearing all the soft rhythmic breaths and the slight snore coming from his father. His attention swiftly turned to you, and he watched as you slumbered peacefully, chest rising and falling with each deep breath. Your mouth was slightly agape and there were strands of hair fallen over your stunning face, that Neteyam reached over and moved. Atan..
He didn’t think you were ready to get up yet, so he gently removed himself from your loose grasp, trying not to wake everybody up as he did. His gaze shifted to a little blister pack, you said it was called, and his mood worsened instantly at the sight of the pills, those damned pills.
“What are these?” Neteyam picked up the little pill pack you took everywhere with you and the pills you took every day since you have become an Avatar just a couple weeks ago. “Is it for the virus?”
Neteyam watched intently as your gaze shifted from his, busying yourself with something else as the morning comfort faded away. You moved swiftly from the warmth of your new mate’s body and the sheets you were wrapped in all night, and went to your desk, where you struggled with your hair, untangling the pieces that were flowing freely down your back. You didn’t look at him as you answered.
“No, they’re not for the virus.”
Slight panic rose in Neteyam’s chest thinking of what these could mean. Were you sick again? Did the remnants of the disease in your human body transfer alongside your consciousness?
“Atan, you are starting to scare me. Just tell me what they are.”
You sighed and put down your brush, staring at the hands now tugging at each other in your lap.
“They’re birth control pills.”
“What are birth control pills?”
“They are pills so that you don’t get pregnant.”
There was a distinct pause in Neteyam’s mind, where his entire brain just stopped functioning for a little while. Neteyam knew that Mo’at has certain herbs and potions for situations where a pregnancy is wildly outside of what is appropriate, or for when the woman’s life is at risk, but neither situation seemed to apply here, and Neteyam couldn’t help the sudden pain and anger that seemed to rise in his chest.
“Why?”
You were picking at your nails cuticles so badly they were all bleeding and Neteyam found himself putting his hands over yours to stop it, the thought of the pain you were putting yourself through eating at him, above everything else.
“Atan… Just tell me. You’re my mate… and beyond that, you’re my best friend, my soulmate. I want to know.”
“I don’t want to have a baby. Not yet. I am still a baby myself, learning to take my first steps in this new world, in this new body - this new life. I have so much to learn, so much to live, so much I want to experience for myself first. I have been stuck in a lab for 18 years. I have been in pain and hurting and suffering my whole life. I am finally getting better, but there is still so much I need to do, so much growth I need to go through myself before I can take care of another being.”
“I also just don’t want to share you. Is that so bad?”
Neteyam thought about it long and hard, and felt the anger subsiding slowly. It made sense to him, although unnatural, but you are human. You don’t think about things the same way, and he has always tried to bear that in mind. And to be completely truthful, he wasn’t ready to be a father yet, either. He just got you. You had a lifetime to be a family, but once you have your first child, it will never be just the two of you again, and Neteyam also wanted to be selfish in his desire to keep you just for himself for now.
It’s been almost a year since that happened, and although most of his feelings remained the same, through time, a seed of hurt and pain was planted every time he saw you hurry off from his embrace in order to make sure you don’t miss any pill whatsoever. A hint of anger dwells in his soul every time you forget it and the subsequent terror that envelops your being, like the thought of having his baby was inconceivable to you, it was horrifying to you. Neteyam didn’t think he wanted a baby, but he definitely didn’t like how much you didn’t seem to want his baby. Neteyam knew he was being irrational, and the much more logical explanation was that, just like you have mentioned multiple times before, you were just not ready to be a mother yet, and it had nothing to do with him. But he couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that ate at him each time, regardless how much he tried.
He was so deep in thought, sitting with his legs in the water at the edge of the marui, that he didn’t even notice Kiri making her way outside until she placed a hand on him, making him jump slightly, which elicited a small laugh from his baby sister. He rolled his eyes, then sighed quietly.
“What is wrong, brother?”
“Soon, it will be one year since she and I mated”, Neteyam said, gazing at you, still sleeping peacefully in the tent.
“And that upsets you how?”
“It doesn’t upset me. I am so happy, happier I’ve ever been. Her and I, we’ve spent our whole life loving each other, exchanging longing looks and secret moments, I almost lost hope that she would ever be mine. For so long, I thought what I felt for her was impossible, what I wanted was wrong. And now she’s here.”
“I still fail to see the problem.”
Neteyam didn’t know if he should say this out loud. He hasn’t even thought it to himself, and he was now going to confess to another person, to his baby sister? He didn’t want to burden her with his issues.
“You’re right, there’s no problem.”
“Brother, you are the worst liar. Just tell me.”
“I feel like we are not in the same place sometimes. I feel I’ve grown, I feel like our relationship is in one stage, and I feel like she feels our relationship is a few steps behind.”
“I find that hard to believe. You two are the most connected people I have ever met. Sometimes it feels like you are constantly linked through Tsaheylu. It’s a little freaky, if I’m being honest. Have you talked to her about it?”
Neteyam finally removed his eyes from your form, looking at the water he was stirring with his feet and the fish that were swimming peacefully around him.
“I’ll take that as a no. Don’t you think you should? Before you jump to conclusions and drive yourself crazy?”
Neteyam saw memories flash across his mind’s eye, of you holding Tuk tightly as you slept in your tent and you teaching her and protecting her, and of the pills that haunted his dreams, and with a sigh, got up and decided it would be better to go for a quick walk.
Kiri rolled her eyes at her stubborn, closed-off older brother, and said “You haven’t grown if you still feel the need to keep everything inside and not communicate with the person you love most in the world. Also, do something special for the anniversary.”
“Already on it. Thanks, baby sis.”
Neteyam came back a little after everyone else was ready to get on with their days. His eyes immediately went to yours, and he saw you had a concerned expression on your face, eyeing him curiously. What’s wrong? You might as well have been screaming the words to him, they were so clear in his mind. He gave you a small smile, and shrugged minutely. Just a weird day. You scanned his face for more information, and he felt a small blush make its way to his face under the scrutiny of your gaze. You could read him like a book, could read most people like a book, and Neteyam always found your ability to see into people’s souls a little intimidating. He couldn’t keep secrets from you, and right now, there was one he kind of wanted to.
“Ok, Sullys fall in.” Neteyam heard his dad calling out to them all, and when he saw Lo’ak wandering around the marui aimlessly, he pulled him to his knees forcefully.
“Remember? Family meeting.”
His baby sisters both looked a little despondent - Kiri was still in a foul mood from the move and this whole ordeal and Tuk looked sad. Neteyam’s heart tugged at the sight, and then did some more when you pulled her closed to you and placed her in your lap.
“Ok, take a knee, let’s go.”
Jake looked only at him and Lo’ak as he spoke - figures.
“Now, I need you kids on your best behaviour. I mean it. Learn fast, pull your weight.” His eyes fell on Lo’ak. “Don’t cause trouble. Got it?” Neteyam chuckled at the specific need to address only Lo’ak, and he grabbed his baby brother’s neck affectionately, pulling at it. Lo’ak hissed in his brother’s direction and Neteyam let go, a little hurt at the overly defensive action.
You were nervous about today, you realised. Firstly, your mate seemed off. You were worried about him, in light of everything you two have been through in the past week, and you were hoping this whole situation wasn’t affecting him too much. You hoped being in the water, being together for the first time in a while with no looming threat of death and violence, of humans killing everything you hold dear, would ease his anxiety. Secondly, you weren’t looking forward to this, to being in this village with people who looked at you like you were a demon, where the spiritual leader hates you. It reminded you so much of your childhood, and how the Omatikaya eyed you down with disgust plastered all over their faces, with fear, with anger. You were not looking forward to reliving these experiences.
You were comforted slightly by the feeling of Tuk in your lap, and you were slowly running your hands up and down her arms when you felt slight shaking from her part. A small whimper escaped her lips, which made you painfully alert.
“I want to go home.” Your heart broke at her words, and tears filled your eyes as you took in her trembling voice and hunched body, almost as if she was trying to make herself smaller.
Jake took her hand in his and gently played with it as he spoke. “Tuk, this is our home now.”
He turned to face the rest of his family. “Now, we’re gonna get through this. We’re gonna get through this if we have each other’s backs.”
You were holding Tuk tightly in your arms, letting her cry it out in your lap.
“What does your father always say?” You heard Neytiri say in a calming tone, which brought comfort to your worried disposition.
“Sullys stick together.”
You met the girl, who you now knew is named Tsireya, and her brother, the annoying Ao’nung, at the edge of the village. You exchanged a few awkward interactions, taking in how Lo’ak withdrew in himself at the mere sight of your new beautiful friend, and laughed softly, poking him in the ribs, and much like his earlier interaction with Neteyam, you were met with an annoyed hiss. You laughed louder now - you were going to enjoy this.
The two siblings and their friend Rot’xo gracefully dove in the water, followed by Neteyam and Lo’ak. You, Kiri and Tuk were last, and you jumped in holding hands, trying to remember to hold your breath so as to not drown. You were not the best swimmer, and your anxiety built up at the thought of the struggle ahead of you.
Every feeling you had, every thought melted away instantly, the second your eyes took in the spectacle around you. A whole underwater world appeared in front you, and you struggled keeping your mouth closed, feeling the need to open it to showcase the shock you were experiencing. The most beautiful views you have ever seen, the most wondrous creatures and plants, plankton and coral, colourful and bright, unique and dazzling, taking your breath away if you had any to spare. You looked over at Neteyam, who had a similar expression on his face, and when your eyes met, you smiled at each other, as well as you could underwater. So the water did help. Good.
You glanced over at Kiri, who dove much further than any of you, and was fully immersed in the experience, touching all the fish that naturally seemed to gravitate towards her. You watch as the Metkayina kids swam deeper and deeper down, their tails undulating in the water and propelling them forward, an evolutionary advantage you lacked, and with the heartbeat you could feel painfully in your ears, you made your way to the surface. You gasped for air when your body found it again, trying to make up for the oxygen deprivation you experienced while in the water.
Soon enough, Neteyam, Lo’ak and Tuk joined you, trying desperately to catch their own breaths. You felt Neteyam’s hand reaching for yours under the water, and you felt happy his mood seems to have improved significantly in just the span of a couple hours.
“Bro, let’s go.” Lo’ak nudged you and went back in the water, and you and your mate exchanged an amused look. “Someone’s in looove.” You said laughing. Neteyam shook his head lightly, but smiled at your childishness. You took as deep a breath as you possibly could, and, still holding on to Neteyam’s hand, you both submerged, trying to actually go deeper in the water as opposed to just staring in awe until your lungs feel like they were exploding.
It didn’t take long for the need to resurface to become necessary, and you found yourself once again grasping for air trying to settle your breath. You saw Tsireya, Ao’nung and Rot’xo return from their deep dive, and with a gentle voice, Tsireya spoke, and her voice calmed you instantly. You were wondering if it had the same effect on your baby brother. You doubted it.
“Are you alright?”
A squeaky voice came from behind you. “You’re too fast!! Wait for us!!”
“Just breathe…breathe.”
An aggravating voice broke through Tsireya’s calm one, and you felt the twinge of annoyance taking over you as Ao’nung spoke in a mocking tone. “You are not good divers…maybe good at swinging through trees…” A smack in the head coming from his sister was duly appreciated, or you would have done it yourself if it hadn’t happened.
“We don’t speak this finger talk, guys. we don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I will teach you.”
Gideon was still in shock, still unable to process what he was told hours ago, in the dead of night, by a kid he’d rather never have met, if he was being honest. One of them is yours. One of them is yours. One of them is yours.
His own. His kid. How was that even possible? Jo wasn’t pregnant, was she? He thought all the kids were Sully’s, they are all blue. Did they manage to make you an Avatar? He thought that was impossible.
He had so many questions and not a single answer. It was driving him mad. It was killing him, not knowing. It would be long until he would be able to be alone with Spider again, and he had to know something. He had to find out anything. He made his way to one of the security rooms, where a few men in a uniform were attentively watching the many screens displayed in front of them. God, what a fucking boring job, Gideon thought.
“Morning, guys. I was sent by General Ardmore to review the footage from the train attack. If you can pull those up, that’d be great.”
“Right away, sir.”
He watched as the footage from all angles played on different screens, and he took his time rummaging through its entirety, focusing on one at a time. He recognised Jake and his wife, and winced as he saw the damage they were inflicting on the humans piloting the helos. In certain angles, he saw the pilots and gunners being shot down from a great distance, and saw fleetingly a girl on a white banshee, shooting a sniper rifle. His heart stopped in his chest. None of the other people were shooting a gun, outside from Jake, who was a marine. Everyone else was using bow and arrows. He can faintly make out the girl’s features, and he recognises her from the woods. She was the one by which they figured out they were Sully’s. She had 5 fingers and eyebrows, like an Avatar, and a mean aim. He watched in wonder as this kid shot gunner after gunner head and chest only, and felt a swell of pride overtake him.
Could it be? Could this possibly be true? Could this be his daughter?
Gideon stalked off as soon as he finished getting the information he wanted, and moved on to the lab where he knew Spider was being tortured for information. He had to put an end to this, now.
He heard the screams before he made his way in the room, and with an uneasy feeling in his stomach, he entered. General Ardmore was standing on a platform and watching as the poor kid wailed in agony. He didn’t pay much attention to it, going straight for Quaritch, who was also watching, an unreadable expression on his face. He didn’t think he was enjoying this either. This was his son, after all. No louder than a whisper, Gideon approached Quaritch. “We need to put an end to this.”
The commander turned his head in Gideon’s direction, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. “Why would we do that?”
“Because you know as well as I do that this is fucked up. This is your fucking son, Quaritch.” Gideon saw a flash of guilt and sadness pass over his face, and he was surprised to find out Quaritch did indeed have a heart, albeit a small, tiny, inconsequential heart, but there nonetheless.
Feeling empowered by the silent confirmation, Gideon went to the machine and pushed the big glaring button that meant the stop of the torturous process. His general turned around with a feral look on her face. Crazy bitch, Gideon thought.
“General, we can use this kid. This kid’s been with the Sullys for 19 years. He has lived amongst the Na’vi, he knows his way around, knows everything about Pandora, about the Omatikaya. He’s loyal, he won’t give them up. But maybe if we try the…personal approach,” he said, looking at Quaritch, standing limply on his left, “we might get better results. He can teach us the ways, the language, he can help us integrate better in the environment, so we can travel the Hallelujah mountains easier, and find them faster.”
Gideon saw the she-devil processing his words carefully, and he knew he won. He was one step closer to his daughter, and nothing was going to stop him from finding the truth.
You watched as Ao’nung stepped forward and clicked his tongue rapidly in the direction of the open sea, and you watched in amazement as a few beautiful sea creatures made their way to him, circling all of you docilely. Your gaze fell on your mate, who was holding his baby sister up in his arms, the chiseled muscles of his limbs on full display, and between the way your ovaries throbbed at the sight of him being so paternal, so protective over the child, and the sight of his incredible body, you were just about a puddle of desire, grateful to be surrounded by water for once.
“These are ilu.” The Metkayina boy’s voice pulled you out of your indecent musings, and you tried to focus, tried to learn. “If you want to live here, you have to ride.”
After hours and hours of pure torture, you were ready to admit to yourself you hated this, and you sucked at it, which probably contributed to that feeling. Turns out riding the equivalent of a baby ikran underwater and being thrashed around every few seconds because you didn’t have the lower body strength to hold onto it was not fun, and by eclipse, you were tired, wet, grumpy and definitely ready to call it a day. You were at least a little happy to know that the two Sully boys didn’t fare any better, but you were a little jealous of Kiri and Tuk, who seemed to fit in right away, and they were already riding their ilu to your family’s marui for the night.
You could see Neytiri and Jake chatting over the fire, smiles on both their faces, and you felt a wave of contentment envelop you at the sight. Maybe you could all begin to heal, in the midst of this untouched, tropical beauty, far away from the threat that was plaguing you in the forest. Maybe you can learn to live without fear again, or for the first time in your life.
You were walking towards the tent when you felt a soft hand wrap around your waist, pulling you snugly against a strong, taut body. Neteyam’s breath fanned across the side on your face as he whispered lowly in your ears, sending pulses of electrical current down the column on your spine.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
You turned your head slightly to meet his gaze, needy and full of desire, and your stomach filled with messy, energetic butterflies. “Wherever you want me to?”
“Good girl.”
You walked all the way through the village and towards the forest, and called for your ikran, that you spent a little quality time with - the whole ilu business made you realise how much you loved Neyn, and how irreplaceable to you she’ll always be. She was feeling a bit down, you could tell when you bonded, and you knew she also missed her home, just like you all did. You gave her a few treats, some fish you managed to get a hold of on the way here, and you were off. Eclipse rides with your mate was one of your favourite ways to spend your nights, but whatever you were about to do would definitely always be the top contender. Nevertheless, the bliss of the open air against your face, the races and the laughs as you bumped into each other, the feeling of the wind taking your breath away, the thrill of the power coursing through your veins as you went so fast the whole world blurred around you - nothing would ever compare.
You sighted a small island - island is probably a generous term for this patch of sand with one lone tree adorning it, and you both landed on it, Seze a few seconds before Neyn.
“And the master wins… again.” He says cockily, with a mischievous smile as he dismounts and reaches for you, and you jump from your banshee straight into his arms. He catches you, as he always does, and his hands find your ass as your legs wrap around him.
“I let you win.” You look at his beautiful face and you laughed when you saw him giving you a look that you assumed was the equivalent of raising his eyebrow at you.
“What’s your punishment for this face, huh? Whenever I do it, you tell me I need to be taught a lesson.”
He pretended to think about it for a second.
“Huh, I think either way you’re the one getting punished.”
You smacked his arm playfully and feigned indignation.
You loved when he was playful. It happened rarely, as he has always been a serious, no-nonsense kind of a guy, but when it did, there was no one who shone brighter, no one whose eyes sparkled more, no one who made the world more beautiful. He put you down on the ground gently, and his soft lips found your forehead. It was such a simple gesture, but so intimate, so heartwarming that your heart picked up pace in your chest. “I love you.”
“I love you more, Atan. I need you to remember that, cause it won’t feel like that in the next couple hours.”
Your mouth flooded with saliva at his words, and the warmth in your chest swiftly moved in between your thighs and you remember that it’s been a while since you were alone, a while since you felt his hands and mouth on you, in you, the only place they belonged.
He took the blanket he always kept on Seze and spread it on the warm, soft sand, and motioned for you to lay on it, which you were more than happy to do.
He slowly started removing his adornments, much easier job now, having left the Omatikaya jewellery and cummerbund behind, leaving him in only his loincloth and the bracelet he refused to ever take off. He saw your breath quicken laying on the blanket and you parted your legs for him, like on command. “Now…before we were rudely interrupted by Lo’ak in our tent, I was asking you to be quiet for me. I think I’d like to see that now. Do you think you can keep quiet for me, baby girl?” The look you gave him drove him feral, and his loincloth was hurting him, painful against his hard-on, twitching wildly, begging to be set free, begging to feel you - to fill you. He slowly got on top of you, planting kisses on your body, purposefully avoiding your needy core.
“Neteyam…”
“Shh, Atan, what did I just say?”
He removed his mouth from your body and came face to face with you. “I said we have to find a way to keep you quiet. How is this for a way? You don’t keep that beautiful mouth shut, I stop.” He laughed at the way you squirmed underneath him, raising your pelvis trying to get some release, any sort of friction, but he skilfully avoided you, and continued his onslaught, lips and tongue all over your beautiful body, that he couldn’t wait fuck until you were crying with your eyes rolled in the back of your head.
“So fucking unfair.”
“All in good time, my love.”
Torturously, he made his way to your belly button, and slowly descended, taking both of your legs and placing them on top of his shoulders, until he could feel your heels on his back. You were too far gone to see anything around you, so fucking desperate you were sure you were ripping the blanket by how tightly you were coiling it around you hand. This was torture, agonising torture, and you felt your ass dripping in juices from how wet you were. You wanted to scream, you wanted to let this island, the village, the whole world know what he was doing to you, how wild the feelings you were experiencing ran. You wanted to cry out his name in pleasured moans , falling from your tongue like a litany, like a prayer to never stop, to never take away this feeling.
He saw how desperate you were by how hardly you were biting down your lip, so hard he was sure he could see blood, even in the dark. His poor Atan, so damn needy. He would have to make it up to you.
You moaned loudly when he inserted two fingers in your drenched core, and left them there, unmoving and cruel.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll stop. Just move, please. Please.” You started grinding against his fingers, trying to get your own release. He removed his fingers and looked at you sternly. “Do you know what happens to bad girls, Atan?”
You panted wildly but said nothing, refusing to look at him. He rose from the position he was in and faced you again, opening you mouth with the two fingers he had in you and pushing them down you throat. You sucked on them, loving the taste of yourself on him, wishing it was his dick instead. You licked his digits clean and it was his turn to moan, to which you raised an eyebrow. “Unfair!”
“All’s fair in love and war, baby girl. You taught me that.”
He removed his fingers from your mouth and was trailing them down your throat and chest, until he reached your nipples, that immediately hardened upon contact. He flicked them in between his fingers and placed his mouth on one, sucking and licking til they were sore, after which he moved to the other. You were bruised now, hickeys all over your body except in the one place you wanted. Your eyes were glossy with unshed tears, and he knew the need was becoming too overwhelming for you to bear.
“I think you’ve suffered enough. I need to fuck you now.” He plunged three fingers back in your desperate core, and he started pushing in and out of you with slow, languid motions, knowing exactly which spot to hit to make you see stars all around you. His mouth then followed, sucking and licking masterfully at your clit, unrelenting in his attempts to ruin you. You tried so hard to keep quiet, and you were doing so well, only the lewd sounds of his onslaught could be heard, sloppy and hot and you came all around his fingers and mouth, biting hard into your arm til blood came out to keep silent.
“That’s my good girl.” He licked the cum dripping over his fingers and moaned at the taste.
“You should taste yourself again, Atan, you taste unreal.”
“Only if it’s licking it off your cock.” He growled at you like an animal, and you could hear the loincloth ripping at the stitches as he pulled on it with such ferocity it would be scary if it wasn’t so fucking hot.
“You are such a little slut, aren’t you? Always wanting to suck my dick, you like milking me dry, don’t you, Atan?” He pistoned in you with enough strength you let out a pained cry, and there was no warming up, no slow burn, no building anticipation about the way he fucked into you until you felt he was going to break through your cervix. You still tried to keep quiet, the sounds of skin on skin slapping and his balls hitting the underside of your ass over and over the only ones you could hear and it was maddening, the pace, his look, the way his biceps were bulging to allow him to keep this ruthless pace, the way his abs contracted over and over to get him deeper and deeper in you, the way he lowered his mouth on yours and licked the blood from your bottom lip that was dripping from when you bit into it, it was all too much, and you felt yourself nearing that second orgasm, desperate for his cock to fill you up.
“That’s it, baby girl. Come all over my cock, let me see what a good girl you are. Let me hear you, Atan.”
At his permission, you came so hard you felt like you were going to pass out, loud shrilly moans escaping your lips with no concern for his previous command anymore, or the thought of anyone hearing you. Let them hear, let everyone hear how well you were being fucked on a nightly basis.
He removed himself from your still throbbing heat, and didn’t give you time to come down from the high, as he scooped you up from the blanket and took your place.
“Come on, baby, sit on my face. I want to come in your mouth.”
“Neteyam, I can’t..”
“Yes, you can, baby. Come on, let me make you feel good.”
You did as you were told, and gasped when your pussy made contact with his mouth, and his tongue immediately found your insides, fucking you with it like you didn’t just cry in pleasure from your last mind-numbing orgasm. You reciprocated though, licking his cock from balls to tip, loving the taste of you on him. You sucked on him like he was your favourite lollipop, which he was, teasing and licking the slit of his tip, taking him all in and moving your head up and down while pumping the base with your hands. He moaned loudly in you, the vibration making you clench around his tongue. You started grinding aggressively on his face while he fucked your mouth and you felt thick spurts of cum sliding down your throat as you cried out from the overwhelming sensation, slightly overstimulated, but deeply satisfied. You licked the last drops of cum from the tip, smiling as you felt him do the same with you. You learned in time that nothing gets wasted on Pandora.
It took Kiri and Tuk no time at all to learn the ways of the Metkayina, and you wish you could say the same about yourself, but in reality, you were struggling - a lot. It was taking a toll on your mental health, as you have never struggled with learning anything new your entire life. You prided yourself on your intelligence and self-sufficiency, on your prowess to always excel at any new tasks. You were trying to give yourself some grace, as you have only learnt to swim properly in the last year, and even then, you were doing it mostly as a fun post-training activity with Neteyam, never as a serious endeavour.
On a positive note, you and Tsireya bonded over your love for the ocean, pretty jewellery - she commented on multiple occasions on the bracelet adorning your arm, which lead into a deep discussion into the best places to find shells and stones fit for a Metkayina warrior, that she was sure you would be in no time -, your maternal care for Tuk and your mutual admiration for a certain Omatikaya troublemaker. You were over the moon to observe the pure, puppy love developing in between your favourite brother and this beautiful, caring, smart and gentle girl, who looked at Lo’ak like the sun rose in his eyes, just like you told him someday someone would.
“Breathe in…” Tsireya says in a calming tone, as she follows her own command. “And breathe out. Imagine flickering a flame. You must slow down your heartbeat.” You watched as she placed both her hands on Lo’ak’s body, and you could tell he was hyperventilating inside just by the look on his face.
“Breathe in. Breathe from down here.” She instructs with her hand on his torso. “Breathe out slowly.”
It was taking all the effort of your being to not start laughing at your baby brother, who was staring at his newfound flame like she was the only person in the world.
“Lo’ak. Your heartbeat is fast. Try to focus.”
“Sorry.” he says meekly, and you couldn’t stop yourself - a small chuckle that you tried to no avail to mask as a cough. You turned your face towards your mate, who was also snickering silently, and you both reached for each other’s hands, gleefully reminiscing about your own beginnings.
“What’s this?” Tsireya liked to come by your marui, she did so often, even when there was no one else around but you. You found yourself alone a lot more often these days, as Jake was training with the Olo’eyktan, Neytiri with Ronal, the rest of the siblings were always out in the water, and you found it hard sometimes to find your place in this new life, in this new world. In time, you and Netetam spent less and less time together - he was working hard, as he always was, to make sure he was doing well and pulling his weight. You felt a bit jealous over the fact that you no longer felt important to the kids, especially to Tuk, who now spends most of her time with the Metkayina girl, going as far as to adopt her way of dressing. It’s been a while since you and Lo’ak were alone and bonded over your many shared interests, as all his attention was now swiftly placed on the girl sitting in front of you. Between all of that, your hardships adapting to the new environment and feeling the gaping hole that the forest and leaving Norm and Max left in you, you ended up alone a lot, in this Marui that you learnt every square inch of.
Your gaze turned towards what she was pointed at, and fell on your guitar. “It’s called a guitar. It plays music.” You smiled at her. You liked Tsireya, and didn’t feel any resentment towards her, despite what the darkest parts of your being told you. She had a kind soul, a brave heart. And if there was anyone to replace you in Lo’ak and Kiri and Tuk’s heart, you were happy it was her.
“Can you show me?”
“Sure I can, but only if you ask me in English.” That was one of the things you have liked the most about being here - your daily English and Sign Language lessons with Tsireya. She taught you, you taught her, and it was the only thing you felt good at, so you always looked forward to it.
“Can…” you encouraged her with your expression, urging her to go on. “..you…see…me?”
“Show.” She smiled apologetically, a small blush colouring her cheeks.
“That’s great, Tsireya! You’re getting better every day.”
You picked up the guitar and tuned it quickly, and then played a familiar tune, humming mindlessly as your fingers glided across the strings.
“You have a beautiful voice. You should sing more, you should sing during our communal dinners.”
You smiled a small, sorrowful smile. You used to do that in the clan all the time - your clan. You wondered if this would ever feel the same.
“Why are you so intent on learning English? I mean, you have no real use for it.” You knew the answer as you asked, but you were curious to see her fumbling for an explanation outside of ‘I’m desperately in love with a boy who is half human and speaks English every day with you’.
It was just as amusing as you imagined it, and you felt a little bad for how hard she was blushing as she was picking at nothing on her loincloth. “It just seems useful, with all the humans that are plaguing our planet.”
“That makes sense… you can also just admit you like Lo’ak, you know?” You placed a hand on hers, trying to get her to stop messing with her clothes. “He likes you too, you know?”
You smiled widely at her doe-eyed expression, so overcome with happiness, your mood shifted instantly to one of hope, that at least something good came of all of this.
Gideon watched as Spider and Quaritch made their way to the helicopter they were all huddled in, and he felt grateful that the kid didn’t have to suffer anymore. As soon as he was inside, he immediately gripped the gun posted in the door, and Gideon reached over and pushed him on the seat.
“Woah, hold on there, hot shot.”
Quaritch was not far behind, and when he entered, he grabbed his son by the arm and spoke to him. “You listen up. There’s a tracker built in that mask. We hit the ground and you take off, I’ll have you back in two minutes and give you an old-school ass whipping. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
The Avatars landed in the midst of the forest, huddled together to listen for instructions from their commander.
“Ok, listen up. Jake Sully’s gone underground. Don’t matter. Wherever he is, we’ll find him… and his batshit crazy wife too. To do so, we go Na'vi. Full tilt all the way. That means we eat Na’vi, we ride Na’vi, think Na’vi.”
“And that starts with speaking the language.” Gideon knew a little more Na’vi than most soldiers, having learnt it in time from his beautiful Jo. He knew enough to know Quaritch was butchering it, and badly. He heard Spider snicker mockingly.
“Is that what you call speaking Na’vi?” Spider continued, but Gideon didn’t pick up what he was saying.
“Alright, smart guy. You just went from being our monkey mascot to official interpreter.”
It’s been a few weeks since you have arrived in Awa’atlu, and things were slowly moving forward. You were getting slowly - very slowly - better at this whole water thing. This morning, you decided to leave Neteyam alone with his parents for a while, thinking it would be beneficial for them all to spend some time together, outside of military training and practice. You and Kiri settled on going to the beach and just enjoying the clear warm water and endless sandy shores. You loved spending time with Kiri, and you felt guilty that it’s been a long time since you were just the two of you, alone together, talking about everything and nothing, just being in each other’s presence enough to fill endless amounts of time. You always felt connected to her, and you had a lot in common, which has always brought you two together. You used to spend many an hour just discussing your mothers, going through footage of them both, trying to understand the biology as children, just so you can feel closer to them, feel like they weren’t gone.
You were laying together on the sand, laughing at something she said, when she became a little more serious and turned her gaze to you.
“How are you? Like really?”
You were a little taken aback by her line of questioning, and the sudden shift in the mood of the conversation. You thought about it for a second.
“I don’t know, to be honest. There’s just a lot going on, a lot of new to adjust to. But then again, we are all going through the same things, so I can’t complain.”
“Well, we are not all going through the same thing. It’s only one of us whose father rose from the dead and is now attacking us. Well, actually…” Her voice faded when she realised, and a small tears fell down her cheek, before she quickly brushed it away with her hand.
“I’m sorry about Spider, Kiri. I know how much he means to you. But I think you shouldn’t be too worried. He’s a tough kid, this knucklehead brother of ours, and he’s going to be back with us in no time.”
“I hope so.”
“Do you think you’ll ever reach out to your dad?”
You scoffed, resigning yourself to drawing little figures in the sand. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. And I don’t think there’s any point. He’s always been dead to me, why change anything now?”
Kiri rolled her eyes at your stubbornness, but to be fair, he couldn’t blame you for not wanting to relive a part of your traumatic human life.
“Let’s go in the water.”
You were both just looking at the sand in the water, her - just because she liked it, you because you needed to get better at breathing underwater and fast. She was laughing as she watched you struggle and you almost drowned, but then continued for a while, enjoying yourselves until turquoise feet came into your line of sight. You brought your head out of the water and saw Ao’nung and Rot’xo, as well as two other Metkayina boys you have never met before.
“What? What’d you say?” Said Kiri innocently. Neither of you heard whatever it was they said just a few seconds ago, but based on their mocking tones and faces, you assumed you were about to get very angry.
“I said, are you some kind of a freak?”
You hissed, barring your much larger canines at the people in front of you, placing a protective arm in front of your baby sister.
“No…” Kiri continued, trying to move away from them, but they were unrelenting, following you across the beach.
“Are you sure? I mean, you’re not even real Na’vi. I mean, look at these hands. Look at them.”
You pushed the boy as he reached for your hands, and Lo’ak’s voice broke through all the noise, bringing all the attention to him.
“Back off, fish lips.” He walked until he was so close to Ao’nung, he started backing away to maintain the distance between them, but continued laughing and insulting your appearance.
“Oh, another four-fingered freak.”
They all got impossibly close to you, starting to touch your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted a blue form moving quickly towards you, and you knew instantly who it was, and you were now worried for the men currently harassing you. Neteyam put his body in between yours and the Metkayina’s, aggressively pushing Ao’nung away. God, he was hot. You were a lucky girl, you thought to yourself, smirking at the new development.
“Back. Off. Now.” A flash of fear crossed Ao’nung’s face, and with his stupid smile wiped off, he brought his arms out in defeat, backing slowly away from all of you.
“Smart choice.” Neteyam was fuming, you noted by his tone and voice, but he maintained his calm demeanour, always choosing to try the non-violent way first, if possible.
He looked at each one of the boys individually, before he continued. “From now on, I need you to respect my family.” He placed a gentle hand on Kiri’s shoulder, silently telling her to leave, and he did the same to Lo’ak, who kept looking back at the perpetrators. Your eyes locked and you thanked him silently, to which he gave a soft smile, before clicking his tongue in Kiri’s direction, asking you to follow. As you did, you notice Lo’ak falling behind, until his body was fully turned away from you and the rest of his siblings.
“Lo’ak.” You snarled in his direction, knowing all too well where this was headed.
“Don’t worry, sis. I got this.”
Those words have literally not once not made you worry.
He made his way back to where all the boys were, and stopped only when he was in front of the Olo’eyktan’s son.
“ I know this hand is funny.” He says, bring his hand into view, twisting it around to show it from every angle. He points his pinky, raising it even closer to Ao’nung’s face. “Look, I’m a freak. Alien.”
“But it can do something really cool. Watch. First, I ball it up really tight like this, ok? And then -“ you watched as Lo’ak punched him straight in the nose, and then twice more, in the chin and cheek. “It’s called a punch, bitch. Don’t ever touch my sisters again.”
You sighed and rolled your eyes at Lo’ak, but were a little impressed with his technique, that you knew Jake would be proud of under normal circumstances. A full-blown brawl emerged, a tangled mess of limbs and tails, and you saw Neteyam scratch his face and huff in amusement, joining in to stand up for his brother. In any other conditions, you would be mad about this, mad about Lo’ak’s immaturity and Neteyam’s interference, that you knew would cost him a big scolding from the Sully patriarch, but you couldn’t help the little smirk and swell of pride that overtook your being, watching your two men trash the four Metkayina boys, watch them get what they deserved for the weeks of incessant bullying. You and Kiri both started laughing, just watching and enjoying the show, before you felt like it had gotten far enough, at which point, you decided to break it apart, and take your family home.
Neteyam watched his dad’s body go stiff as soon as his eyes landed on his two sons, who were bleeding and bruised, and knew he was in for the ass-kicking on a lifetime. He felt mildly comforted by your being, knowing his father never lost it as much anymore when you were around. As you entered the marui, you instantly went to your medical bag, and left them to their own devices.
“What was the one thing I asked? The one thing?”
“Stay out of trouble.”
“Stay out of trouble!”
“It was my fault.” Neteyam put his hands up in defence, positioning his body between his father and baby brother’s. He heard a low growl coming from where you where, and he saw his dad look over to you, taking in all the information he was receiving.
“Yeah, I don’t think so. You have got to stop taking the hit for this knucklehead.”
“Look, dad, Ao’nung was picking on them. Called them freaks.”
Their dad stopped in his tracks, eyeing them intently, then sighed deeply. He knew then the fight was over. Jake Sully could stand a lot, but disrespect to his own family, especially his daughters, will not be tolerated.
“Is this true?” He saw his eyes go back to where you were, and Neteyam watched as you made your way back to them with supplies in hand.
“Yes, it’s true. Jake, they have been bullying us for weeks. I don’t care about myself, but it’s getting to Kiri. They had it coming.”
“You’re not helping.” Jake rolled his eyes at his new daughter, but couldn’t hide a ghost of a smile.
“Go apologise to Ao’nung.”
“He’s the chief’s son, do you understand?”
“I don’t care how you do it, just go make peace. Just go.”
“Hello? Let me at least clean their wounds first. Lo’ak!” But it was too late, as with a shake of his head, Lo’ak was gone. You turned your head to his father, with a cross expression marring your features.
“I know you’re unhappy, but there’s rule of conduct that has to be followed. You are Na’vi now, it’s time you learn.”
You rolled your eyes, but said no more. You motioned for Neteyam to follow you outside, and he did, before turning back around when he heard his dad’s voice.
“Hey…so what’d the other guys look like?”
Neteyam smirked. “Worse.”
“That’s good.”
“A lot worse.”
With a small smile, his father pointed at where you stood. “Get out of here. And keep an eye on your brother.”
You felt intense annoyance overtake your being as you were patching up Neteyam yet again, for - yet again - another one of Lo’ak’s reckless decisions. You said a silent prayer to Eywa that at least this time it wasn’t as serious, but still, it brought back many painful memories and many unresolved issues within you. You found yourself angry yet again, at your baby brother, at your mate, at your surrogate dad, who all were happy to let Neteyam take the fall for everything. You’d hoped with the Olo’eyktan pressure out of the way, things would change. You hoped that he would finally be safe, finally yours to keep, so you can shake off this feeling that you were going to lose him and move on - move forward, start a family in time. But he wasn’t ready. It was made clear to you again today, like it has been many times before.
“Atan…”
You didn’t want to bring it up yet again, this conversation you have had one too many times, so you continued cleaning his wounds, mostly found on his face. His lip was bleeding, and he licked the blood off which he regretted when you smacked him across the arm.
“Stop that. Let me clean it.”
“Let’s go for a swim, just you and me? I feel like we don’t get that much time to ourselves anymore.”
You sighed as you continued patching him up, feeling tears swimming in your eyes. You chewed on your bottom lip mindlessly, trying to ignore all the feelings of inadequacy that have been plaguing you for weeks, trying to ignore how your heart sank at the thought of the home you left behind, that you couldn’t seem to forget as easily as everyone else did.
“Life was easier when swimming just meant splashing around in the river of our clearing and you carrying me around like I was a doll pushed away by the current.”
“It was, but this can be easier, too. You just have to want it, Atan. You are not a doll anymore, but a rock - unwieldy and unmoving against the current. You have to remember what it’s like to just let yourself go with it, and see where it takes you. I miss home too, so much I will never be able to express into words. But I also want to make the best out of a bad situation. So let’s go, just you and me, let’s swim. Let’s flow with the current.”
“I always thought I was the philosophical one.”
“You’re the science-y one, and I still have some aces up my sleeve.” He winked at you with his boyish smile you loved so much, and you knew he was right. You could be making more of an effort.
“Fine…”
You were happy you went with him. Turns out swimming just for the sake of swimming and not trying to compete or not make a fool of yourself was liberating you and making you perform better, and in no time, you managed to break your own - albeit unimpressive - breathing record. You both called for an ilu, and just enjoyed yourself, admiring the beauty all around you, admiring each other, tumbling and doing acrobatics on the back of your new marine friends. You both came up for air at the same time, and he had an awe-struck look to him, and you felt blood rush to your cheeks at how he was staring you down.
“See, Atan? You’re annoyingly good at everything you do, you just needed a good teacher.” You both laughed at his comments, and you raised an eyebrow in his direction.
“Are you saying Tsireya’s not a good teacher?”
“No, I think Tsireya’s a great teacher. You just need a… more assertive presence.”
“Is that so?” You say with the same expression on your face.
He growls lowly. “Let’s go back in before I show everyone in this village things they will never be able to unsee.”
You were actually impressed with yourself by eclipse, as you have made more progress in one day than you have in weeks. Tired, but content, you made your way out of the water, your mate close behind you, when Ao’nung came by in a hurry, panting - fear clear on his features.
“… I…”
“Just spill it, what did you do?”
“It was supposed to be funny…”
“What was supposed to be funny, dumbass?”
“I think Lo’ak’s in danger.”
Both you and Neteyam came to a halt, breaths hitched as you took in the boy’s words. Neteyam’s face immediately changed to one you knew well, one that Ao’nung cowered at, one that was forged in time by years of being the future Olo’eyktan.
“What. Did. You. Do?” He spoke lowly, purposefully, enunciating every word.
“He came to apologise, but he did it as a joke, so we took him to Three Brothers and left him there. We thought he’d be back in no time, but it’s been hours and his ilu came back missing part of its fin. It was supposed to be funny.”
You hissed at the same time Neteyam snarled in his direction, moving his body towards his and taking him by his queue roughly. You could see Ao’nung being pushed towards the village, and you considered just calling Neyn and looking for him yourself. It was dark, and even Lo’ak wasn’t this irresponsible. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, fear overcoming you at the thought of your baby brother in danger. You couldn’t imagine how your mate was feeling.
You made your way to your tent, where Neytiri and Jake were.
“Tell them. Tell them what you told me.”
You got on Neyn as soon as Jake gave permission and left alongside Metkayina that would cover the water, while you would look from above. It took a while, but you eventually spotted him, making his way… on top of a huge animal, the biggest you have ever seen. A tulkun - you recognised in awe. It was beautiful, and leaving of trail of mystical glow in the darkness surrounding them. You whistled from on top of your ikran, and watched Lo’ak’s face shoot upwards, a big smile at your sight.
You made Neyn lower you towards where he was floating peacefully, and you watched as Lo’ak said goodbye and ushered his new friend away.
“Need a lift, lil bro?”
You stretched your arm out for him and he took it, getting on your banshee and settling in behind you.
“Expected to see you half dead washed on some stoney shore, not chilling on the back of a tulkun. Want to catch me up?”
“I’m going to kill those assholes.”
“No, you won’t. Still the chief’s son, no matter what a bunch of jerks they are. They’re just bullies, which probably means they have their own shit going on that they are overcompensating for. So tell me.”
“I was attacked by a fucking akula, and he almost got me, but the tulkun saved my life. He was impaled by some sort of metal hook, and I helped him, and we bonded. It was great, Angel. Best thing I have ever done.”
You smiled a little at your brother and his pet name for you, that you were surprised he was still using, endlessly relieved to hear and see him - alive and kicking.
“Why would you go with them, Lo’ak? You know you’re not allowed to go past the reef. Why must you always knock so loudly on death’s door?”
“I was just trying to do what dad told me, just trying to bond with these kids.”
“Bullshit. Maybe you can feed that to the family, but not to me. What’s going on with you?”
“I don’t know, Angel. When he told me, I instantly said no, but then he teased that he’s asking the wrong brother, and… I don’t know. Whenever someone compares me to Neteyam, it triggers something in me, a blind rage that I can’t walk away from. I’m -“
His train of thought was interrupted by a big horn announcing his return, and you saw the village in an uproar, waiting for your arrival. The last thought on your mind is that you and Lo’ak will forever be bound together by your daddy issues.
You landed on a wooden platform, in front of Neteyam and Jake, as well as Tonowari and his family. Jake rushed to his son’s side, checking for injuries, as Lo’ak angrily kept his gaze onto Ao’nung, ready to pounce on him at the earliest opportunity.
“Let’s have a look at you.” Jake said worriedly, trying to also defuse the tense situation unfolding in front of him.
“He’s fine, he’s fine. Just a few scratches.”
Neytiri made her way through the crowd and rushed to her son’s side, gasping while she took him in. “I pray for the strength that I will not PLUCK the eyeballs out of my youngest son.” You saw her ears flatten in fury, mirroring his own submissive ones, so pushed back they were getting lost in his hair.
“No! My son knows better than to take him outside the reef. The blame is his.” You saw a wince make its way on the Olo’eyktan’s son’s face, and you felt a small ping of sadness at the sight - it reminded you a lot of Lo’ak and how he is treated by Jake. It seems you found a reason for Ao'nung's need to bully others.
Relived, Jake took you both and started making his way home. “No. This was not Ao’nung’s fault. This was my idea. Ao’nung tried to talk me out of it.” Oh, baby brother…
“Sorry.”
Jake sighed looking at Tonowari, and started walking away. “I got this.”
As you walked away, hand tightly in Neteyam’s, Lo’ak turned to face his family. “Dad, you told me to make friends with these kids. That’s all I was trying t-“
“I don’t want to hear it. You brought shame to this family.”
A low guttural snarl made its way out of you without your consent or control. You hated how Jake treated Lo’ak, hated how this was the exact reason Lo’ak always acted out, what then got Neteyam involved and endangered. Jake looked at you out of the corner of his eye, but said nothing about your little outburst.
“Can I go now?”
“Any more trouble you get a knot in your tail. Do you read me?”
“Yes, sir. Lima Charlie.” You saw Lo’ak walk away, and you wanted to follow him, wanted to talk him down, but you were interrupted when both the parents turned to you and Neteyam.
“Where were you?” Neytiri says, a stern look on her face.
“Yeah, what happened to keeping an eye on your brother?”
You nose flared and your teeth bared at the unfairness of it all. You couldn’t believe either of them, and you could believe Neteyam even less when all he said was a quiet “Sorry, sir.”
Neteyam and his mum walked ahead when Jake pulled on your arm, keeping you in place.
“You have something to say, kid? It seems you’re very vocal about your opinions today.”
“Oh, there’s a lot I have to say. But I’m too pretty to have to live by myself in the forest when you kick me out of the marui.”
“That’s never stopped you before. What, you think I’m too harsh?”
“On your adolescent son who looks at you like the universe was born in your eyes and does everything he does to gain some respect, some recognition, some love, and all he gets in return is constant ass chewing and disappointed stares? Yeah, a little.”
Jake removed his hand from you and took a step back. His widened eyes took a second to recover, and a hard look replaced it when he found his composure at last.
“Lo’ak will live because of me. Because he won’t have to make the same mistakes I did, because I can stop him from being just like I was at his age.”
“I think all you’re doing is pushing him into those mistakes without realising. Look, I have hated my dad my whole life. I just don’t want Lo’ak to hate you, because unlike my dad, I love you. And I love him. And neither of you will make it in one piece if you keep going like this. You’re going to push him so far he will never recover, and you’ll hate yourself when that happens. And by that time, it’ll be too late to fix it. You still have time to fix this.”
You turned around and walked away, and hoped in silence their relationship has a better chance of surviving than yours and your father’s did.
Gideon landed in the forest that housed the Omatikaya on the back of his new banshee, a beautiful beast that he felt more connected to than to most people he’s ever met. It was surreal and a little scary, feeling another being’s heartbeat, breathing, emotions. He could tell when the banshee was anxious, or scared, or elated. He could feel it all. In return, Ikran (not the most original name, Gideon can admit) could sense his emotions, how frightened he was when he first connected their queues together, how free he felt on his first flight, how anxious he is feeling right now, having to rummage through the forest for a sign of the people he is meant to kill. They all spread out, hoping to cover more ground this way, and so he was left alone, with his thoughts that plagued him without interruption.
The forest was lush and brimming with life, and Gideon stopped to admire it for a while, to feel the beauty that surrounds him. He was close to the village, close to the labs that were now just empty, lifeless metal crates and he couldn’t help wonder how many times Jo passed the exact spot he was currently on, how many times his daughter did. He’s learnt a couple more things in the weeks that have passed, a small bond forming between him and the blonde kid with a big mouth and an equally big heart.
Your name was something him and Jo have discussed before, on one starry-night escapade, laying on the Pandoran grass that was dangerous for both of them, while making plans for the future.
“And if we have a daughter, I think we should name her after that crazy aunt of yours - what was her name again?”
“You want to name my daughter after my crazy aunt?”
“Well, yeah, she was good crazy, driven crazy, smart-ass crazy, cat-lady crazy, and that’s exactly what I want my daughter to be.”
“My Jo, you are weird.”
“You love it.”
“I do love it, you crazy girl.”
He couldn’t believe that he had a daughter. A 19 year old daughter, who grew up completely without him, whose presence in her life is non-existent at best, tortured and messy in most-probable reality. Gideon didn’t know how he died - didn’t know if he ended up executing his orders or following his heart and he felt guilty either way. He was betraying one family or the other, no matter the choice.
As he was walking through the wilderness surrounding him, he was stopped in his tracks by the sight of a small clearing, full of scattered light that left pleasing forms on the ground. He was stunned when his gaze landed on two exo suits, like the ones the RDA still used. Residue from the battle that transpired almost two decades ago, no doubt. He was surprised to find out the RDA just left these here, surely they could be used for spare parts. As he was walking towards one of them, he reached for his radio in order to call it in and have someone pick it up, when he saw the name on it, that was covered in vines. BARLOWE. His hand dropped instantly, reaching instead to break down the creepers to see better. So this is how it all ended. There was no body that Gideon could reasonably see anywhere, so he assumed he died somewhere else, alone on this planet where no one could find him, no one could mourn him.
He took the screen on the exo suit in his hands, that looked a little less dusty and disheveled than the rest of the suit, and fiddled with it until he could hear it start up. The last few moments of his life would play out in front of his eyes, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to face it.
In his viewpoint stood Weinfleet, reloading his gun and pointing with his exo-hand.
“Captain, I think if we go through this clearing, we should be closing in on the tree of souls in about 3 clicks.”
“You’re right. But I don’t think we should do it.”
Lyle looked stunned, and he stopped whatever he was doing to turn around and look and where Gideon stood. “Barlowe, what are you talking about?”
“This is wrong, Lyle. You know it, I know it, everyone here fucking knows it. And if you don’t, you’re even a bigger psychopath than I thought you were. We have to go back.”
“I’m not fucking going anywhere, Captain. These freaks are going to kill all of us if they get their way. Someone has to stop them.”
Gideon saw himself pick up his gun and point it at the bald man he knew too well. “Are you disobeying direct orders, lieutenant?”
“You’re not my squad leader, Captain. And I have orders from above.”
The last thing Gideon saw was the ugly fight that ensued and that resulted in both of them needing to evacuate their suits. The last shot of the camera was Weinfleet hurrying to him with a knife.
Gideon Barlowe could count on one hand the amount of times he had been left speechless in his life, and most of them ironically happened in the last few weeks. There were so many shocks to his system, he felt he would short-circuit in time, nothing left of him but fragments of a soul no one would be able to upcycle.
Betrayed by his own squad. What a shit way to go. Although, he assumed he had betrayed them first - it was at least consolation to know he didn’t go to the planes of eternal life with his last act being genocide of innocent people. He had chosen right. He had chosen to sacrifice himself for the good of this planet, that was a lot more beautiful than his own, for his soul that was maybe not as broken as he had thought, for his love who lived and raised a daughter 10 years after his passing. He had done the right thing.
He continued walking to a tree, where he spotted something that he couldn’t quite place. He now had to count on both hands, cause there he was - again - too stunned to speak. There was a skeleton in the natural nook made by the roots of the tree, and Gideon reached his hand in between the flowers and vines covering it to pick up a rock and a necklace he quickly recognised as his own dog tag. The rock was decorated with shapes and patterns, typical of the Na’vi, and in the middle, was writing carved on the surface.
“You won’t be forgotten, dad. Thank you.”
Gideon held the rock so tightly his knuckles were pale blue, almost white. He wiped the tear that fell down his face and swore he would make himself worthy of your gratitude.
Taglist (thank you ily x) @changing7 @erenjaegerwifee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @winchestertitties @puffb4ll @rebeccao03 @ultimatebluff @cottoncandy23 @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @n3t3y4msm4t3 @loquatious-josephi-krakousky @eternallyvenus @fresh-new-yoik-watah @lu-the-ghost-reader @@miawastakens @mm0thie @fanboyluvr
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lucien flavius x reader
warnings: pwp, blowjobs, finger sucking, mild choking, jerking off, dom!reader, sub!lucien, orgasm denial, begging
author’s note: ive never sucked a dick before unfortunately so i apologize if this is written weird. as always feedback and requests are very welcome!! i still have a nagging feeling that there are some weird clunky sentences and mistakes and/or i overused some words too much even though ive read this over three times now and sent it to two different people to read so i also apologize about that. however one of those people was a lesbian and she said “the fact that it kept me interested is extremely impressive”
“Why don’t we work on your training, Lucien?” As much as you wished he’d let you train him on more than one thing a day, you had to admit at least the days seemed to fly past when you were with him.
He looks up from the enchanting table, his face lighting up. “Really? Oh, I’ve been looking forward to this. What shall we work on this time?”
“Well.” You smile wryly. “Don’t take this personally, but I was thinking we should build up your stamina.”
His face pales dramatically. “Oh dear. You’re going to make me exercise, aren’t you?”
“Come on, come on, outside. You want to be able to hold your own in a fight for longer, don’t you?”
He groans, dragging himself dramatically toward the door. “I suppose so.”
You roll your eyes and walk out to the sprawling, vibrant yard of Tundra Homestead. Despite his complaints, Lucien is close behind you, as always.
“We can start easy,” you say, fighting back laughter at the look of dread he’s giving you. “15 push-ups. Make sure you count them.”
“Easy?! You overestimate me.” Resentfully, he lowers himself to the ground in the most dignified way he can and begins his set of very undignified push-ups. You fold your arms and watch him amusedly.
“One… two… three… f-four…” His strained, breathy voice gives you butterflies — and not in your stomach. To make matters worse, Lucien lets out a soft, broken moan as he reaches the sixth push-up. You tighten your grip on your arms, trying with all your might not to react visibly (or audibly).
His body shakes as he struggles to raise himself up and down, breathing heavily. You imagine what he would look like, unclothed and trembling beneath you, completely at your mercy-
You clasp your hand over your mouth, horrified at your own thoughts. Holy shit, this is so bad, he’s just your traveling companion, he probably doesn’t even-
Your train of thought is interrupted by Lucien exhaling loudly and collapsing on the ground. He looks up at you with forlorn puppy eyes. “Can that please be it for today?”
You nod stiffly. “Uh- yep. That’s fine. I’m gonna- I- I’m gonna- I’ll be right back.” You turn around and practically stumble back into the house.
You sit down on the side of your bed and stare at the wall, mind and heart racing. The attraction itself wasn’t even that bad- it had always sort of been there, ever since your first meeting when you asked if he was flirting and he got all flustered. It was cute. He was cute. But now, he’s hot, which is a completely and vastly different beast to deal with. And really, it’s the implications of the attraction that have you so frazzled. Also, how did such a short and simple thing drive you so insane with lust? Where did all of this come from? What if you accidentally change the way you treat him and then he feels bad or he starts treating you differently back?
The wooden rapping of knuckles against wood breaks through the deafening silence. Lucien poked his head through the door nervously. “Is- is everything all right?”
Gods motherfucking damn it. “Yeah, it’s okay, Luce. I dunno.”
“Were my push-ups really that bad?” He asks, the slight lilt in his voice and his concerned smile clearing the cloud in your mind a bit. You chuckle.
“Can I come in?”
You nod and pat the bed next to you. He sits, his knees tilted in towards you. “Do you, er… want to talk about anything?”
“I want you,” you blurt out. Lucien stares at you, mouth open.
“I’m sorry,” you choke out, quickly standing up. “I shouldn’t have- oh my god, I’m so stupid, I’m sorry. You-”
You stop as he grabs your wrist, not pulling you back but not letting you leave either. “Do you mean, like-”
“Yes.”
He lets go of you, putting his fingertips to his lips. A deep coral hue floods across his cheeks. “Oh! Well. That’s- certainly something!”
“Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything- I especially shouldn’t have said it like that- if you’re disgusted and want me to leave, you can just say that, I won’t-”
He gives you an incredulous look. “What? No! No, that’s not what I meant at all! I’m not- I mean, I’m not… opposed??”
Your brain seems to have shut off. “You… really?
“Well, I wouldn’t lie to you!” He says defensively. “Especially not about this, that would be cruel!”
A fiery sensation begins to burn in the pit of your stomach. “Lucien.” There’s a new deep, sultry quality to your voice, sending visible shivers down his spine. He looks at you, silently, expectantly.
“Would you want to? Right now?”
He swallows. “I suppose I wouldn’t-”
You don’t even allow him to finish his sentence before you push him down onto the bed, climbing on top of him. He gasps quietly, almost paralyzed.
You straddle him, placing one hand on his waist and leaning down to run the other through his soft blond hair. “Relax,” you purr into his ear. “You can tell me to stop at any time.” You move your hand down to palm the growing bulge in his pants. He lets out a soft whimper, and the fire in your stomach begins to burn brighter. “Fuck,” you whisper. “You’re so pretty.” You move your hand back to his waist and start grinding against him, eliciting more muffled moans from his closed mouth. You run your thumb across his lips. “You like this?”
He nods fervently. “Yes- gods, that feels- really good-” His high, whiny voice is like a divine symphony. Your hands travel slowly down his sides until you slip your thumbs under the waistband of his pants, causing him to stir in anticipation. You drag them down his slim, downy legs, and slide yourself back onto your knees. He whines at the absence of stimulation.
“Sit up, Lucien.”
He inhales sharply and slowly props himself up with his arms, which you can see are shaking with nervousness and excitement.
“Now take your shirt off.”
He nods and eagerly pulls it over his head, tossing it to the side. You allow your gaze to indulgently explore his exposed body. “Look at you,” you breathe softly. “So obedient for me.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head back, whining again and rolling his hips forward. You reach out and hook your fingers onto his loincloth, slowly and agonizingly pulling it down to reveal his rapidly hardening cock, dripping with precum.
“Hmm,” you hum appreciatively. “Already so wet. You want me to suck your dick, Lucien?”
“Yes,” he says in a quiet, choked voice.
“Oh, you’re gonna have to do better than that, Luce. I want you to beg for me. I want you to show me that you want me as much as I want you.”
“Please,” he mewls. “Please, please, I need you- I n-need you, please make me feel good, please-” His words dissolve into incoherence as you grasp onto his thighs, your fingers sinking into his plush skin, pushing his legs further apart. He lets out high, shuddering moans as you put your lips against his cock, swirling your tongue languidly around his tip. “Fuck- oh my gods- aah-”
You continue to suck teasingly at his tip, thoroughly enjoying his taste, the heat of his skin, the high desperation of the noises he’s making. You can feel him squirming, and you can see his hands grabbing fistfuls of the sheets in the corners of your vision.
“Please,” Lucien moans. “I need more- more, please-”
You laugh softly, the vibration of the sound making him sigh wantonly. You move your head down his shaft, sucking and caressing him with your mouth and tongue. His hips buck up involuntarily, his long cock hitting the back of your throat. “Ah- sorry- fuck. It feels- so good- so good-”
You smile and reach up, grabbing his wrist and placing his hand on the back of your head. His fingers immediately lace through your hair, holding firmly onto you. “Oh my gods,” he groans, and starts slowly pushing your head up and down. You relish in his pleasure, in how perfectly his dick seems to fit in your mouth. You shift your hands to his hips, and he whines loudly, thrusting forward.
You can tell he’s holding back, trying to keep his composure. You wish you could tell him it’s okay, he can let go, but you don’t want to stop. His cock is absolutely intoxicating, and you need more of it. You want to make him completely unravel. You increase your pace, bobbing your head up and down, and using your grip on his hips to pull him closer to you, farther down your throat. He cries out your name, and you can feel him quivering beneath you. Yes. Fuck. Oh my gods. Your hands curl into claws, your nails scratching at him in blind desire. His yelps and moans only make you more and more insatiable.
But suddenly, you have an idea that makes an evil smile spread across your face. As wonderful as it would be to swallow every last drop of his cum, you want to see him. You continue to suck on him, rapidly and passionately, coaxing him towards his orgasm-
-And then, you pull back. He practically screams in agony, thrusting hopelessly into the air. You look up at his face; his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth wide open, his features twisted together in pleasure and pain. “N-no,” he gasps out. It takes every ounce of willpower in your body not to pounce on him and finish him off right there.
He opens his eyes and looks down at you pitifully, panting and twitching, leaning back on his hands. “Please, please, keep going, please-”
You climb up on top of him and then swing around, pressing yourself against his sweat-slicked back and putting your lips against his ear.
“I’m going to help you jerk off that pretty cock of yours, and you are not going to cum until I say you can.”
He whimpers quietly, and you reach forward and place your hand on his, guiding it to his throbbing dick. He wraps his fingers needily around it, and you did the same between his. He starts moving his fist up and down, but you tighten your grip and force him to slow down, to which he lets out a heavy, drawn-out moan. You splay your free hand across his smooth chest, stroking his skin, slowly traveling upward until you clasp it around his throat.
Lucien lets out a depraved keening sound, his own free hand shooting backward and finding your thigh, then clutching onto it for dear life. You look at the hopeless expression on his face, completely lost in pleasure. “That’s my good boy,” you croon in his ear, earning yourself another sweetly strangled moan.
“Please,” he stammers out, hardly able to speak. “Please let me cum, please, I want to cum, please, I need it so bad-”
“Mmm, not yet, Luci.” He groans in pain, both at your response and as you remove your hand from his. “Don’t stop, now. Keep the same pace. Be a good boy.”
“I will, I will- I’ll be such a good boy for you, please, plea-” You cut him off by shoving two fingers into his mouth, essentially having him in a headlock now. “Suck.”
He moans again around your fingers, and does as you ask. Your entire body feels as if it might burn to a crisp at any moment, seeing the pleasure he’s in because of you. He can barely concentrate on jerking off and sucking your fingers at the same time. The beautiful noises he’s making are steadily amping up in volume and desperation, and he’s becoming sloppier and shakier the more his restraint fades into utter ecstasy.
You push your fingers further into his mouth. “Does my pretty boy want to cum?” You ask sweetly. He nods and whines in response.
“Cum for me, Lucien. Show me how good you feel.” You clamp your legs on either side of his torso, spreading your fingers out in his mouth, squeezing his throat in encouragement. In a few seconds, hot streams of cum burst out of his dick, covering his hand, his legs, his stomach, the sheets, even the floor. You press hard, passionate kisses against his shoulder, cheek, and neck, everywhere you can reach, as tremors rack his body and his moans reach a heavenly climactic chorus. He calls out your name, over and over, pushing himself into you as he orgasms.
Finally, he goes limp, breathing like he had just run a marathon. You let yourself relax in the blissful intimacy of this moment, before peeling yourself off of him and gently lowering him down onto the bed, pressing a final kiss to his lips. “You’re perfect, Lucien. You did so good.”
“You,” he answered breathlessly. “You’re amazing.”
You cup his cheek in your hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up, hmm?”
The you spend the next few minutes cleaning the mess off of him and his surroundings with rags from your bedside table, while he apologizes profusely no matter how many times you assure him it’s okay (and you actually think it’s very hot). He still doesn’t seem to have complete control of his motor skills back yet.
What a man. You already can’t wait for the next time you get to rail him senseless.
#cross-posted to ao3#skyrim x reader#skyrim smut#skyrim#skyrim fanfiction#skyrim custom followers#lucien flavius#lucien flavius x reader#fun fact the aforementioned lesbian friend actually accidentally opened this as a document on her school account#she was called down to the office and the counselor said i have a career in writing
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Prank Wars AU: How does Cinder react to Adrian calling her Aunty, even though her and Jaune have only been dating a few weeks?
Prank War IV
Saphron: So, how did my brother land a hot babe like you?
Cinder:There’s not much of a story to tell.
Saphron: Seriously? Jaune, getting a girlfriend like you, and there isn’t one hell of a story to tell?
Cinder: You don’t think your brother can’t get a girl like me?
Saphron: Yes.
Cinder: Are the rest of your sisters like this to, Jaune too?
Saphron: Well… It’s, Jaune. So yeah.
Cinder: Well… That explains, Jaune’s self doubt issues.
Saphron: Quit looking for excuses, and tell me how you two got together!
Cinder: Very well. Jaune, and I got into a prank war. Just playing little pranks, and teasing one another. But, there was an unspoken rule that no pranks could be done if we hurt one another, or were too embarrassing.
Saphron: Bet, he got you good. We used to have little prank wars all the time. Jaune was… rather vindictive with some of his pranks…
Cinder: Oh, he was… Anyway, this was just between me, and Jaune. Then one day this team of students, Team CRDL got involved, and pulled a prank on me…
Saphron: What happened?
Cinder: I rather not talk about it. All I will say is that it was extremely humiliating. Everyone was pointing in laughing at me in a way that… broke me. I saw, Jaune among them, and I was terrified how he would act, but, he grabbed a blanket, and covered me up, and took me to the nurses office to gwt looked after. Called my team, and then when they came to check up on me, he left.
Saphron: Then what happened?
Cinder: Nothing. He did nothing because of what happened so, I tried to do something myself.
Saphron: Another prank?
Cinder: No, but he thought it was one.
Saphron: Oh ho ho ho~! You did something spicy didn’t you~?
Cinder: I wore a rather… skimpy maid uniform as a thank you for him helping me.
Saphron: Oh, I bet you looked good in it~!
Cinder: Well, we did make use of it later~! But, he ran when he first saw me in it. But, we managed to clear things out after that, went on a few dates, and here I am; Taking a mini vacation with him to visit his family.
Saphron: But, your happy though, you seem very happy.
Cinder: I’ve never been more happier in all my life before. Meeting, Jaune was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Saphron: That’s nice to hear. He seems really happy with you too. Take good care of him, or else.
Cinder: Don’t worry, I’ll keep good care of him.
Saphron: I’m serious; You hurt him, or you’re gonna regret it…
Cinder: N-Noted…
Saphron: Good! Well, I best get dinner ready. You mind watching, Adrian for a bit?
Cinder: What?! No! Nonono! I don’t think that’s a good idea!
Saphron: Oh relax, you’ll be fine! Adrian’s a little angel! Well, have fun!
Cinder: Uhh…?!
Adrian: …
Cinder: Hello…?
Adrian: Bwah~!
Cinder: …
Cinder: Oh you are so adorable~!
~~~
Jaune: Hey, Saph, Cindy, we’re back!
Saphron: Hey, Jaune! go check on your girlfriend, she’s in the living room watching, Adrian.
Terra: Is something wrong?
Saphron: No, everything is fine! Mostly…
Jaune: Okay…?
Terra: Is everything fine?
Saphron: Eh… Depends on how you look at it.
~~~
Jaune: Hey, Cindy! Is everything… Okay…?
Cinder: You are so precious! How can you be such a cute little angel! Yes you are! Yes you are~!
Adrian: Bha-hahaha~!
Jaune: Uhh… Everything alright, Cinder?
Cinder: Adry! Adry! Tell, Uncle Jaune what you called me!
Adrian: Aunty Cindy!
Cinder: you hear that, Jaune! He called me, Aunty Cindy! Oh that is so precious!
Jaune: Oh that is cute.
Cinder: Aunty Cindy~! Oh that is so cute~! He needs a sibling!
Jaune: Uhhh… You want, Terra to have another kid?
Cinder: Only if you, and Terra are willing to have another one!
Jaune: Uhh… W-What are you talking about?
Cinder: Don’t lie to me, Jaune! I recognize his adorable pout anywhere! Its the same as the one you have!
Jaune: …
Jaune: Saph!
Saphron: You’ll thank me for it!
Jaune: Haa… Okay! I am the father, just leave at that. Besides, I don’t think, Terra wants another one anyone.
Terra: If it means I get to sleep with you again I do!
Jaune: Wait, what?!
Cinder: Wait! I have a better idea~!
Jaune: Haa… And, that idea would be?
Cinder: Well, how about you give me a baby instead~?
Jaune: …
Saphron: Why don’t you have a threesome with, Terra! That way you can each have a kid!
Terra: I’m down for that!
Jaune: WHAT?!
Cinder: Oh, now doesn’t that sound fun; what do you say, are you up for it too, Daddy~?
Jaune: …
Jaune: Haa… I knew I would regret bringing you here…
#rwby#jaune arc#cinder fall#terra cortta arc#saphron cotta arc#adrian cotta arc#jaune x cinder#cinder x jaune#terra x jaune#jaune x terra#rwby knightfall
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talk. about whatever’s on your mind. aaaanything and everything just in case u needed an invitation to yap today 😻😻
taking this as a excuse to have a yap session about my nonhuman aus because there are SO. many things that are included for very specific reasons(mainly elf laurens cause its my main nonhuman au, but the divinity AU isnt exempt from secret meanings either >:3c) but i just never elaborate on any deeper meanings because technically theyre supposed to be up for interpretation but screw that things are included for very. very specific reasons
OKAY STARTING WITH ELF LAURENS !! Im starting off with his design itself because while its not necessarily a secret, his markings are extremely important to the story because obviously its a massive focus with the whole insecurity thing and attempting to scratch them off so!! In his early design it isnt included, but theres two things i added to either foreshadow things or that make more sense because certain things previously didnt have reasoning. For starters, his voice! I make it *very* clear that Laurens absolutely hates his voice - yknow, with that high pitched nonhuman growl? Theres a reason for that! In my AU, elves arent supposed to have markings on their throat; it fucks with their vocal chords. Yknow who does have a marking on their throat? Thats right, John does! So not only does he have 'two' voices, he also has a big reminder of that just straight in the middle of his throat - so rven if he didnt talk people would know why. Then theres the dots on his head. Thats foreshadowing. Cant tell you what its foreshadowing, but take that information how you will.
Also would like to elaborate on his relationship with Kinloch in the fic because no, Kinloch is not evil or bad or abusive. I try and make it clear that their relationship isnt necessarily healthy, but thats also not Kinloch's fault either way. Its Johns own inability to stabilize his emotions surrounding someone he cares about(ex. begging him to run away with him - when rejected, he runs away himself.) This is a massive mischaracterization of Laurens on my part but like I said in the fic itself, its just me projecting for 4k words. Oh, and he gets that scar on his lip when he's 20 in what i call a 'drinking accident.' Dont ask me to elaborate on that either, John is just a reckless drunk.
Obviously theres the whole art thing, but i think its pretty self explanatory on why hes drawing. I think i stated explicitly it was a coping device but if not i think thats obvious but i never elaborated on his medium of choice; graphite :3!! Its messy. Thats it. He uses the powdered graphite, which i think he would find it was a representation of process rather than product. The point of using graphite is the limited choice of color that only leaves an artist with shades. It also just goes with the theme of his art because idk, hes out here drawing the idea and/or image of death itself in a way its gorey but also gorgeous, so take that as you will.
Also I have had many yap sessions on why exactly John draws the gorey and grotesque but ill save you on insane details and simplify it down to; after his mothers death, he was naturally drawn to the beauty found within something so vile and horrifying.
Okay ive talked all too long aboute the elf laurens thing, so now the divinity AU! There isnt much meaning inside of this other than the very very clear toxic relationship between Alex and John; but its toxic for a reason. As dysfunctional as they may be, they are better of together than apart. Like mentioned in the fic itself, Alex was cruel to his devotees and followers before John came along. I wont go into specifics or anything, he was just cruel. John, on the other hand, was also cruel. Thats why hes a fallen angel, obviously. He fell due to others actions but the reason he followed this other person in the first place is because they were holding something he did over his head, threatening to tell higher deity's and whatnot. But instead, John is a fucking idiot and ended up doing what this person wanted which ultimately ended up in him falling and losing everything. Obviously, this leaves someone scarred because ill just say it, in this AU at least, falling from wherever they may be is not a painless experience.
In turn, he hasn't physically fallen anywhere, but there are physical signs and overall, you can tell by how they act. So, upon finding Alexander - a god, basically - the only other purpose he has in life is to peldge devotion to someone. Hes basically shunned from other angels, and so finding a deity to pledge devotion to is the only thing he can do. Their relationship is not at all healthy. Ive described it as a worshiped/worshiper dynamic because thats what it is. No matter if Alex views John as an equal, Laurens will always view alex as a higher being than he is and in short its a massive power imbalance with how willing John is to bend over backwards for him(ex. ripping off his wings ! Never happens, alex wont physically let him, but like i said, John is willing.) The only reason I say that they should stay together is that other deity's wouldnt stop him from doing this kind of thing. 'Offering your wings to prove your devotion? Yeah, hand em over.' is basically what would happen and it would be 10x more of a corrupted relationship than john and alex have. Alex keeps him in line basically, and John worships him like..well, like the god he is i guess.
Again, this AU is me majorly projecting so take it as you will. But Alex is also completely unaware to why John is a fallen angel anyway. Even being a god, he cant just see peoples sins. He only knows when someone has sinned.
"A shame Alexander may not know his transgressions, he’s sure he couldn't have done much wrong with how much of a pleasure he’s been."
Pulling out the quotes for this story because i personally think its just easier to explain things if its been read.
AND THE BIGGEST THING!!
John nods absentmindedly, leaning into the heat of his palms that make his face contort in a painful type of love.
Its mentioned a few times, but being touched by Alex at all brings physical pain. Mostly because he's not supposed to be touched by a higher being while being a fallen angel, but it also has something to do with the fact he 'swore on his ability to love to prove his devotion.' In short, John didnt think he had the ability to love, much less deserve it. So, being touched by one he fell for brings him physical pain because he shouldnt be supposed to! The love he spoke of when he exempted Alex from this was love a devotee has for their god, not love like as romantic love. Obviously, in a way, he broke his own promise. This is also why the pain goes away after alexander admits he loves him because at that point, 'his god' basically just excused the fact he broke his pledge by announcing any feelings he may have are returned. So yeah! Thats fun.
Anyway, that was my yap session. I talked for way too long uhm..oops! Im not normal about nonhumans :(
#alexander hamilton#amrev#john laurens#historical lams#lams#dolirants#asks#divinity au#nonhuman au#amrev au#tw long post#jesus christ#im so sorry for this
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terrified to even use our sign off for this.
we, well, actually i, have been so fucking scared that this makes us invalid. i once talked about it and our system friends didnt go "oh yeah that happens!" they went "oh... hm thats weird, usually..." and its scared me. im so terrified.
normally, we dont split with roles. our mind and body have a huge struggle connecting, and we have a hard time understanding our needs due to trauma and other disorders (adhd, reactive attachment disorder, undiagnosed autism), so i think that may be why. we have some caretakers and soothers, a worker, a protector, and one alter whos kinda like a gatekeeper but he cant control memories, but thats all ive ever seen. most are fictives with no clear roles.
ever since i figured out were a system, i.. regretfully didnt try to change how we– how **i** functioned. i let everyone do whatever they wanted, and i simply did everything. i tried to function like a singlet while i had 70+ people in my head dissociating or screaming or complaining. sometimes others help, but its not their role. sometimes a few have a mindset of "i dont have to do it, im new here, idk what to do" and i get it. theyre new, they really dont know how to live our life and function yet.
but we never even tried to function as a multiple
we are extremely young, no adult or professional believes us, we arent diagnosed, and were afraid to talk to our therapist because she gives us a weird look and constantly tries to shoot our experiences down as something else.
no one is a true frequent fronter, so i have a hard time thinking of who i could "assign" roles to.
i think my bfain needs help in figuring out WHAT we need help with, because were just splitting alters with no roles. they dont seem to be fragments really, or maybe they are and i just cant tell the difference?? because they feel fully fledged. just no role. its like my brain just gives me random guys on the street to hire or something.
its frustrating, and holy fucking shit my head hurts so bad right now auuggh
It’s not weird to split and an alter have no role upon first being around. It’s normal for a few, if not a majority, of systems. Even we do this.
We give the parts that split with no roles a few days to get their bearings and see if they front or if they’re just around to help out other alters or something else. If they don’t front, they have no role because they’re the only ones that need to know what they do at that given time. If they front? Hey, what role best describes you? We have a list. One doesn’t describe you? Okay, we’ll go to a blog and anonymously ask for a role name with a flag specifically for you and others like you to have a role as a just in case.
Not every alter needs a role or has one that you can tell. It’s okay to not force roles onto an alter.
If you can, try asking them what they’d like to help with. Cleaning? Caretaker. Protecting the body from others? Protector. Things like that.
You’re young. Focus on what you need rather than what others want from you. Be patient with yourself and see what everyone can say in your system to help function together.
#anti endo#did system#system#osddid#endos dni#traumagenic system#actually did#endos not for you#actually traumagenic#did plural#did plurality#osdd plural#osdd plurality
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You want to talk about doomed payjay sooo badly. I went on a huge rant about it yesterday and im curious to see what you think about it (also thank you for causing the payjay nickel incident that killed me)
YOU BET I DO!!! also im glad my superchat affected so many payjay fans, i find the result of it quite amusing
my favourite kind of doomed payjay is when their mental illnesses intersect... it's also fun to exaggerate them. ive found a lot of people like delusionally jealous oj? whenever i bring it up people get excited. to clarify, it's. pretty much just yanderizing oj LOL! here's some of the issues that can occur with delusional jealousy (disclaimer: i don't believe oj would ever do these. this is just a way i like to explore his character and push his jealousy and possessiveness to extremes for fun! at the very most, oj would fantasize about this, but he'd try to push the thoughts of it away because he'd think it makes him a bad person.)
ive been wanting to draw some of this for funsiessss. make that man go crazy bonkers insane like im monika ddlc turning up The Yandere Dial on yuri
another thing that's fun to explore is paper's need for attention!! my friend is better at explaining and detecting paper's hpd than i am, but i still notice some symptoms and scenarios myself: paper making a big deal about getting possibly eliminated while sitting on the bench, paper dramatically telling oj to go on without him then getting upset when he Does That, paper socializing quite a bit and generally being pretty extroverted, etc. and that can be. fun to think about! mind you i think more about oj's npd and bpd but i, of course, love paper a lot too. my friend suggested this, but paper feeding into oj's obsession (paper is oj's fp to be clear, umm i can give proof if someone wants?) to get attention & fucking things up just so he has to fix it and help him and Observe him is fun to consider. there's also the fact paper is bullied and shunned pretty often both in ii1 (remember apple) and in the hotel (they canonically just. destroy things. and paper has to fix them), and he's often not given attention other than to be useful... which kinda explains paper's eagerness to help in canon! id say it started off with paper trying to help people a lot in ii1, then they got used to it and started to assume he'd help all the time in the hotel, which he just went with because it's The Only Time they give him attention. also is why he canonically likes to cook :) he loves the reception it gets!
i like divorced payjay, but i don't think it would happen realistically. they're together for life. it definitely gets hard sometimes (they're both Suffering in general) but they're never ever Ever going to give up on each other. and that's beautifullll ahh my little Worms
um. i just realized i rambled more about their respective mental illnesses than doomed payjay LOL welllll it causes problems in their relationship ok
if you want you can send me an ask rambling about doomed payjay... id love to see what you were ranting about yesterday!
#juice.txt#ii paper#inanimate insanity#payjay#ii oj#oj ii#paper ii#thank you nutakuro!!!#ough i need to talk more about npd oj sometime im really into it rn#also oj's dilemma with the hotel ruining his life and his devastating fear of admitting failure and his need to be useful
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to be fair I think the reason why people think you're anti kink is because you said you find edgeplay morally wrong even when done in private between older adults
(unironically would be super interested to hear your reasoning behind that! I didn't totally agree with your original post but I do think your perspective is interesting and valuable and I'd love to know more about what you think)
Simulating rape, pedophilia, and racism will always be morally grey if not outright wrong. And its not fair bc i outright said in my post I dont always strive to prevent edgeplay even at the dungeon because it happened before I was born itll happen after I die. I dont like people who post about it constantly and publiclly and try and encourage the habit in others. None of this is anti kink. Its just me having standards and expectations for safe kink. Someone privately doing this things is unstoppable, people seeking out young people and vulnerable partners online and irl consistently to fufill the most taboo extreme kinks is dangerous and you should question that and anyone whose telling you its common. Most kink isnt like this.
Other forms of edgeplay are much more acceptable to me but again I would never tolerate the normalization of dangerous and extreme play. Again, anyone minimizing needle play, gun play, blood play, hell even suspension does NOT have your interest at heart. Its not about limiting peoples fun but theres a reason the predators at a kink club are the people who will do anything with you. These are dangerous and high risk activities that people spend lots of time getting safe (as safe as you can be) and prepared for. They dont just do it with anyone. Again, these kids online probably arent actually doing it, but theyre being encouraged to normalize the extreme and have nothing sacred. If they ever participate in irl theyre a liability to themselves and others.
Safe players are people who question why they why wanna particpate in certain kinks. Sexuality isnt an excuse to romantisize the harm of others. Any kink thats simulating something literal to me has the potential to be dangerous to someones morality and those around them. Sexualizing the REAL clothing and activities of children. Sexualizing and fetishizing the REAL abuse of rape victims and black people. It is DANGEROUS. Im never going to advocate for it, make explicit spaces for it, or justify it. Theres people that do these things its hard to ignore and its mever going away but ultimately like I said stark difference between having a public blog creating a community and culture around it, vrs ppl in their private lives being fringe. I admit and reliquish control over that. I just steer clear of it. Im even a CNC player myself- a term which was bastardized online to b code for rape play- I dont engage in rape play. I make sure my scenes frankly cant even at a distance be interpeted that way bc why would I want to draw that link in my mind? I also never advocate for CNC for most players. Its risky and unsafe. Theres riskier types of play in my personal risk profile, but for example having a scene while high, thats edgeplay. Id never normalize or encourage a community around that. Ive done it, and its consensual non consent, because were honoring I could never give true consent while high, so I give it while Im sober the hours before. That is risky play though, what if I green out? What if my high isnt what I expected and I regret my scene the next day? Etc. So yea Im not outright against edgeplay, I just literally like I said, cant always say I always condone extreme kink esp rape play, age play, and race play. Not to b dismissive but its fascinsting to me that in my time coming into BDSM this is somehow a interesring or unqiue viewpoint.
What you get off to is just as much a representation of your values than say knowing its bad to enjoy watching extremely racist television. You guys understand that moral grey area around that but cant understand why using extreme hits of dopamine during sex might normalize these things ? Again it is an abadon and recklessness in the pursuit of pleasure. Individualism to the max. If it feels good surely its okay? Fuck everyone else, it gets you off right?
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these pics are from after i already did this a couple times so yours is gonna look a bit different.
Ok so first undo these^^^^ four screws. take out the little half circle with teeth. it holds in a lot of the fur thats attached to an elastic band. theoretically you could use it to hold it back inplace after putting it back together but ive never actually gotten it to go in with the fur.
you dont need to undo this one:
i recommend keeping it inplace tbh.
then youre gonna get to the six clips. theyre extremely hard to get out. i ended up cutting all of them along the bottom. it sucks. ive seen people say you can push them out with a screwdriver but i never got that to work. hopefully you can do it better. this is my first custom.
ive also heard people say you can cut a thread or two and then theyre easier to get out but i didnt want to cut any threads so i cut the clips instead.
then pull the fur up as high as itll go and undo all six housing screws. the top two are really far up almost ontop of their head. then undo the two clips on the side:
then you can just lift the back housing cover completely off. this next picture already has one ear removed. ignore that sorry. unscrew the two screws with washers on the pink plastic. these are holding the ears inplace.
using a flathead screwdriver you should be able to leverage out one side of the ear posts. after that you can just pull them out fairly easily. do this on both sides.
^^^then you should be able to flip the front housing cover up just enough to push out the clips holding the front fur on. then remove the front housing and faceplate. this picture already has the faceplate removed. its held in by three screws. i took it off to paint it.then you want to unplug the ears from their little square connector dudes and remove them from the fur. try not to pull too hard on the wires.
theres a small hole they go through the fur thats lined with plastic. its kinda tricky but doable. dont be afraid of this part just be careful of the wires.
if you want to paint the eyes youre gonna have to scrape or sand off the current design and the white parts. its too slick to paint directly. it helps to prop them up with something while painting because theyre on a spring for when they open/close. i used the cover for my scrapey tool.
dont forget to sand the lids if you want to paint them too! i forgot and my paint was kinda thick and now they dont always close all the way. most of all be careful not to get any of the dust in the internals.
this is the fun part now you can paint whatever you like!! clear spray paint makes a good sealant ive found.
the rest of this post is gonna be things to be mindful of when putting them back together that i wish i had thought of before i learned it the hard way.
if you have to really force anything its probably not right.
this long part in the back is gonna get in the way!! took me forever to figure it out. lay it flat in your hand as you put the housing on and make sure it lines up right.
before trying to get the back housing back on make sure the silver top button is lined up correctly! it should fit in the two groves on the very top of their head.
when screwing the housing toegther BE CAREFUL OF THE EAR WIRES. BE CAREFUL OF THE EAR WIRES!! i caught mine and accidentily shredded most of them the first time i put them back togeher and ended up having to resolder a bunch of it together and it was doable but a pain so just be careful when you put the holes into their notches that theres no wires in the way.
the wires are right next to the pegs/holes that get screwed together. the four wires in the back are for the ears:
i think everything else has already been documented better than i could do. i also carved a bit off of the ear poles to help but i did too much on one end and now that side doesnt move so thats probably not the best idea! i also highly recommend reading furbinthewoods' post on doing this i wish i had been able to find it when i was doing mine. ive reblogged it and put it under the "furby teardown" tag.
heres Feral my first custom ever and first furby since the 90s (I Love Them):
have fun and dont be afraid to fail!!
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the list that makes me and @dentist-brainsurgeon mortal enemies from now on i guess
extremely lengthy explanations under the cut:
i actually think the S+A tier speak for themselves?
S tier: the goats. im aware its full of third versions but they just happen to be extremely good and added some insane shit to already solid base games (ok diamond and pearl werent solid but the foundation was there). replayability is insane for these.
A tier: the Oh Fuck Yeah games. not in any particular order actually. hgss is absolutely the best remake of all, only held back by the few inherent flaws of the Johto region and by not emulating Crystal enough. as much as i like bw, reverting back to only one region of pokemon never sat right by me, but it's been a while since ive played it, and nowadays i make much more of an effort to try out all new mons. so i could change my mind on this.
i liked usum more than sun/moon, if only for the post game. replayability isnt as high because of the cutscenes every 3 steps, and rotom dex is annoying as shit. aside from that, insanely solid story & postgame imo. red/blue and gold/silver are brimming with weird places in their regions and are chock full of in game lore and legends, which i really like. the ruins of alph & pokemon tower are some of the best locations theyve ever made imo
B tier is the "good but couldve been better" tier. lets go is insane for shiny hunting, but it stops at that imo. the new rival is garbo. sun and moon are good, but the postgame + alola in general is just lacking enough in these games that they dont reach A tier for me. loveeed the island challenges tho. alola itself has just such a good vibe. you really feel like its about community rather than competition.
legends arceus couldve been insanely good, but i have never felt as ripped out of a pokemon game as i did when i walked through that cave in the coronet region and started seeing stray pixels around my character. which wasnt a one time thing btw this happens to anyones game & every time as far as ive seen. its gonna sound dramatic but this combined with other graphics glitches made it so clear i was playing a game that it just took me out of the adventure entirely. this is where the graphics glitches really started, and they havent stopped since.
C tier: yellow is just kinda there? i dont care for starter pikachu. i want to, but it gets killed when breathed at, so. idk. the gimmick doesnt work that well for me.
sword and shield introduced some insane mons that i love and i want to call it solid real bad, but the story was hot garbage even for pokemon standards, and while the wild area was a great idea, the execution was lacking & because what i assume is a time crunch, the towns were boring as shit as well. diamond & pearl are mediocre to bad, with a great story and mediocre to bad execution, and i shouldve put oras in the :( tier, but the postgame is worth it.
actually im gonna rant about oras. i was so hyped for it but, just, ugh. if youre gonna turn a 2d vague not-specified-what-a-character-is-doing-or-feeling player character to 3d, at least do it correctly. 2d sprites where someone can fill in the blanks not seen on screen but hinted at in text (ie expressions, actions like handing someone something) work infinitely better than 3d sprites who show it badly. also still suffers from the desaturation curse that the 3ds games suffer from. postgame was dope, though. shame the mega latis are ugly as shit.
:( tier: garbage, im so sorry. SV's only redeeming factor is the area zero story. there is nothing else in the game that held my attention. fuck the star team, fuck the big pokemon quests, fuck the towns where you cant talk to anyone or find anything interesting or walk into a house and where every shop looks the game. fuck stores not even having an interior anymore. fuck this larger but emptier and stripped down world full of graphical glitches. fuck the weak ass gyms, fuck geeta, and fuck terrastalizing most of all. i will die for Koraidon & the professor fight fucking ruled but that's all the game had to it for me. do any of yall remember the gym leaders besides like, iono and the snowboard man? no you dont, stop lying to me. gen I put more life into lavender town by making a npc reference some ghost hand on your shoulder than SV does for any town, and they only had black and white 32mb cartridges or whatever to work with. for fucking shame gamefreak. give your devs some time to make a halfway functioning game.
firered and leafgreen do nothing new. i will not discuss the sevii islands. what the fuck even was that. boring.
same with brilliant diamond and shining pearl. theyre lower than diamond and pearl because why the fuck did they not decide to remake platinum. what the hell was their damage. seriously platinum was RIGHT there. i caught a full odds shiny ghastly in that game and i still dont care about it.
X&Y suffers from. everything.
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im just gonna leave this here and i'll probably get kicked or banned for it but
Y'all seriously need to make things extremely clear. I'm an autistic adult, I was not diagnosed until recently. I also have a sister who is diagnosed with DID. I know what real systems are like and have lived with it. You ened to make some stuff extreemyl clear when it comes to slur usage, bot purposes, and rules around systems. Just because you have a mental illness or disability does NOT excuse your behavior and you need to be aware of that. I am an adult, I've gone to therapy, I have worked on my stuff but I have been in servers like this in the past and it never ends well unless clear boundaries are set. I get you're all young and this is a chaotic fanbase to be in but that does not excuse shitty, toxic, unwanted behavior. Just take this as a lesson for the future and move on. Have fun but dont.. fake mental illnesses (not accusing anyone ehre but ive experienced it like 4 times). And for the love of god, rather than just collectively punishing everyone, just punish whoever was involved. It is not cool or goofy. Anyway, that's my view on it. Y'all can punish me or whatever for speaking my mind
YOU NEED TO STOP THIS
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Hunted
Pairing: Liam Dunbar x reader
Warnings: None
Chapter: 5.09
Liam leaves your side and storms towards his alpha, “What do you mean no?”
“Liam, look at her,” Scott says quietly. “She’s too weak. It will kill her. Plus, we don’t know what attacked her; it could be something that’s already started to turn her.”
Your attention is drawn to Theo, who starts cleaning some of the sweat off your forehead, “I’ve got a confession to make. I found out who your biological dad was, which was pretty easy considering how hard your mom tried to hide the truth from you.”
You give him a pleading look with your eyes, mentally begging him to somehow end this. “You were right, btw. The name you scored off your list was in fact your dad's name.”
No.
“You promised!” Liam yells. “You promised me you’d do everything you could.”
“Which is why I’m not going to do something I think is going to kill her. There has to be…” Scott begins to gasp for breath. “There has to be…”
Theo winks at you before putting on a concerned voice and giving Scott his inhaler. “Guys,” he says, squeezing your hand. “We need to do something, otherwise she’s not going to make it.”
—
You awake with a burning pain shooting through your body. You feel as if your heart and head are about to explode at the same time. The inside of your ears start to hurt when multiple alarms start to go off at once.
“She is awake! She’s awake! Mason, go get Liam now!”
You open your eyes to see Melissa McCall standing over you, adjusting one of the IV drips. She smiles at you brightly, “It's working. You just need to keep fighting, okay?” When you try to speak, she frowns and says, “No, no, honey, you've got to save your strength.”
“He's…” Your voice comes out extremely hoarse and crackly. “Is..." in…”, you start to gasp for breath.
“Shh, shh, please don't say anything else.”
You ignore her instructions and continue trying to talk. “Theo... Scott... danger!”
She leans in closer to you, looking alarmed at hearing the word danger right after her son's name. “He's... he's…” Tears spill from your eyes as the pain becomes more intense, but you refuse to give up trying to warn her. “He... he...He’s going to kill Scott.”
Melissa drops whatever’s in her hands and runs from the room. Seconds later, everything goes black.
—
Your eyes flutter open and the first thing you spot is a figure slouched in a chair with her head resting near your feet. You can only see the back of them, but you already know who it is.
“Derek?”
He slowly sits up and turns to face you. He looks petrified and exhausted, “y/n…”
“Lulana, I don’t like being called that. Kate was the only one who ever really called me by my first name.”
An uneasy feeling settled in your chest. Why did he come? And was he really your dad?
You try to clear your throat but end up coughing instead. Derek picks up the cup of water from the table and brings it to your lips. You take a drink from it before continuing. “Uh thanks, are you?”
He answers before you have the chance to finish the questions. “They ran a DNA test, and it’s a match.”
Your mind feels as if it’s going into overdrive. Derek Hale was your real father, but the man who raised you as his own was recently killed by your mom. That, paired with all the other shit that was going on, would give anyone a headache.
“Why did you come?”
He sits down on the foot of the bed, “Scott called me.”
“He’s alive?”
Derek nods. Tears of relief fall from the corner of your eyes.
“I didn’t know.” His voice was so low it was hardly audible. “I never knew Kate had a daughter until I saw you that day in Mexico.”
“Believe it or not, I’d made a list of all the potential fathers and removed your name from it because I didn’t actually think Kate would go anywhere near a werewolf.”
“I know. Stiles showed me the list in his room.”
“He just showed you his crime board?”
He shrugs, “I might have twisted his arm a bit.”
You had no idea if he was joking or not. Stiles referred to Derek as a ‘sour wolf,’ and he was very aggressive. You wondered if he’d always been like that or if what Kate did made him that way. hybrid. Theo’s voice echoed in your ears, and you knew what he meant. You were a Hale and an Argent.The thought of coming from a proud family of hunters amused you, and you let out a small laugh thinking about it.
“What’s so funny?” Derek asks, confused.
“The Argent family really is one big joke. Our name literally means silver, but yet we can’t stay away from werewolves.”
He stared at you blankly, “Your boyfriend has been waiting outside for days. He hardly ever leaves.”
“Days? How long was I out for?”
“Three days. Chris was here but he needed to leave. He said it was urgent and that he would be back with help.”
You sigh, “is Liam outside now?”
“No, but your other friends are,” he answers bluntly. “Do you want me to get them?”
“How long are you staying for?”
“However long you want me here for.”
The Calavera Kate, Hunters.
A sinking realization presses on your gut, “I don’t want you putting your life in danger by staying here.”
He lets out a soft chuckle, “I’m not the priority anymore.”
The moment he opens the door and gives a nod for the others to come in, Stiles practically shoves him out of the way to get to you. Derek lets out a low growl, clearly irritated when Stiles pulls in for a tight hug.
"Seriously? Are we doing the overprotective dad act already?” Stiles asks sarcastically.
Not finding him funny anymore, you hit him in the arm lightly. Your eyes light up when Mason walks into the room carrying a tray of food for you. “I knew you'd be hungry,” he says as he places the tray on the table beside you. “You had us so scared, Lu, I honestly thought you were a goner.”
Your eyes continually shift between your two friends, Derek and the doorway, as they explain that Theo had been working for the dreadful doctors. It surprised you how natural it felt having Derek, occasionally chiming in. They fill you in on Hayden dying and coming back to life, but each time you ask where Liam was during all that time, they avoid the questions or change the subject.
“Where’s Liam?” You ask.
“He’s coming by later,” Mason says, faking a smile. “I called him. He was so excited that you were finally awake; he almost cried.”
You look between your friends and notice how shifty they have suddenly become. “What aren’t you guys telling me?”
Stiles looks hesitant, “he’s coming later because…”
“He’s coming later because he can’t be around Scott at the moment,” Derek says interrupting.
“Yip, thanks for that,” Stiles says, giving him a thumbs up. “Now your answer is going to lead to more questions that we can’t answer.”
You become irritated quickly as they go back and forth on how much they should tell you. Suddenly, the door swings open and Liam runs over to you. He hugs you tightly. “I’m so sorry, Lulana,” he sobs. “I had no idea Theo was the one who attacked you. I trusted the wrong person and almost got you killed.”
You can see the rage of emotions on Derek's face, and notice the daggers Stiles is giving your boyfriend as well.
You cup the side of his face, “we all fell for his act.”
“You didn’t,” Stiles chimes in. “You warned me about him. “You figured it out before the rest of us." He stands up from the chair he’s in, “I need to get going. Scott and I are going to Mexico.” He motions for Mason to follow him and taps Derek on the shoulder, “Let’s give them a moment to talk.”
Reluctantly, Derek stands and glares directly at your boyfriend, who is shaking with nerves beside you. “I will be right outside.”
He slams the door shut behind him. You brush it off and look at Liam, “Where have you been?”
He avoids your gaze, “I went for a walk because Scott was here. He doesn’t want to be around me right now.”
“Why not?”
“Because I... I tried to kill him.”
#teen wolf#liam dunbar x reader#Liam Dunbar x you#teen wolf rewrite#teen wolf fanfiction#teen wolf fandom#teen wolf x reader#Liam Dunbar#derek hale#stiles stilinski#mason hewitt#theo reaken#hunted#Liam Dunbar/oc#Liam Dunbar/reader#Liam Dunbar/you
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