#this is the most first world problem ive ever had hands down | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gavisfanta · 3 months

Note

Reader cheating on her boyfriend with Gavi? Pleaseee

SEVILLE - GAVI

summary: you cheat on your boyfriend with Gavi.

a/n: this is my favorite fanfic ive ever written.

if you want to be on the taglist comment!

warning: smut 18+

2010

"INIESTA, GOAL INIESTA!" Gavi jumped up and immediately started celebrating. You also joined him and that led the two of you to jump around together in the middle of the living room.

Your parents and his parents were sitting on the couch, celebrating but smiling because Spain won the World Cup.

"Mama, did Spain win?" You asked and looked over to your mother. Gavi then turned to face you and then looked at the TV again.

"Mira, they won, we won, somos campeones del mundo!" Gavi then grabbed your shoulder and then the two little children you were, started jumping around again.

"Campeones del mundo!" Gavi and you celebrated. Your parents were watching in awe as their two children were getting along so well. You two were truly made for each other.

"I want to be a world champion too." Gavi then turned to face you and you smiled as you put your hands on your hips.

"What about me?" You then crossed your arms and let your head sink. Gavi then took a step closer to you and hugged you.

"You're gonna be there to watch me. I promise." Gavi then lifted your head with his hands and then kissed your cheek.

He promised.

2022

"It's okay, you did your best." You held Gavi close to yourself as you stood in the middle of his hotel room. His arms wrapped tightly around your body while his face was buried in the crook of your neck, soft sobs coming from his mouth.

"I wanted to win, I wanted to win it for us," Gavi mumbled but you shook your head, your hand slowly moved up to his head, going through his soft curls and twisting them around your finger.

"You did more than enough, you played amazing, it's okay. You'll win it next time." You tried to calm him down again. He then lifted up his head and kissed your forehead in the pitch dark you two were standing in.

"Thank you for being here with me. I promise I'll win it next time." He said in just above a whisper to which you responded with a nod.

He promised.

2023

"Amor, we're going, come on!" Your boyfriend Paulo yelled through the entire apartment.

You pushed yourself away from your makeup table and grabbed your phone from the charger. Then you made your way towards the living room and saw your boyfriend standing there.

"My god, why do you always take so long?" He complained in a harsh tone. You just shrugged it off, it wasn't the first time he complained about you.

People would say your relationship is toxic. Because there just have to be fights every single day and if not then you didn't talk that day.

He somehow always found something to complain about and be mad at you about.

Most of those arguments were caused by Gavi, well not really Gavi himself. Paulo has always had a problem with him. it was either "Every girl has a crush on him, I know you do too." or it was "Go and cheat on me with Gavi".

He always had to give his opinion on what Gavi did and everything revolving around him.

You of course protected Gavi with your life, after all, he is your best friend, you had known him since you were born and you wouldn't step out of contact with him because of your boyfriend.

Like now, Paulo drove you to your parents' house to spend the weekend there. Just what he didn't know is that you wouldn't spend the weekend at your parents but at Gavi's place.

After he dropped you off in front of the door you waited 10 minutes before you called Gavi and told him to pick you up.

You couldn't help but smile as soon as you saw his car drive up to you.

"Hola preciosa, que tal?" Gavi smiled as soon as you sat into the passengers seat.

"Soy bien, y tu?" You asked, you two got into a conversation quickly about how annoying Paulo is and how you should drop him.

You then told Gavi that you did plan to drop him and he said that he'd support your decision no matter what.

You two then went to his house and then sat down on the couch. "Oh by the way, I have to show you my room, I got a new bed." gavi turned his head towards you.

You grinned a bit and then nodded your head. "Show me then." You both made your way up the stairs and while you walked uo front of Gavi, he couldn't help but look at your ass, he didn't know what he felt but it was a weirdly sexual attraction towards you.

He didn't know where it came from either, but he had to do something about or against it.

As soon as you stepped foot into his room you smiled and sat down on the bed. "It's fancy isn't it?" Gavi asked as he looked at the black bed with white sheets.

"It's cool yeah, I like it." You whispered and watched as he sat down next to you. You two sat in a few seconds of silence.

"It concerns you, doesn't it? The whole thing with Paulo." Gavi finally spoke up and you turned your head to look at him and push his hair out of his face.

"It does, I just wanna be with someone who loves me and can handle me the right way. I hate to admit it, but I miss having fun while having sex." You groaned and Gavi nodded his head as he looked onto the floor. Then Gavi looked up at you again, and for a second you felt like you felt the connection between the two of you.

In the next seconds, Gavis lips were on yours and his hands were all over your body. Your hands were running through his hair while he pushed you down on the bed.

He then started tugging at your shirt and you pulled it off almost immediately, revealing your black bra. He looked down at your tits sitting perfectly in the black bra. The thought of him about to sleep with the girl he has known his entire life turned him on and you felt as he got even harder in his pants.

"Take off your clothes," Gavi commanded and you did as he said, you took off your pants too while Gavi stood back and took off his shirt and pants too.

You were left in your panties and bra as you were sitting up on his new bed. Gavi had his hand on his dick that was visibly hard in his boxers.

"Come here" You invited him and opened up your legs for him. You pulled his face closer to yours and began making out with him again, he put his body down on yours and his hands moved to your hips.

"We shouldn't-" You said in a whimper as Gavi started planting sloppy kisses along your neck.

"Then stop it" Gavi mumbled as he kept sucking on the slightly red spot on your neck.

"I can't" You whispered and

Your hand traveled down to his boxer shorts and he pulled away. "You really wanna have sex?" Gavi looked at you with a concerned look.

"Yes, please, I just need to feel you inside of me." You mumbled and Gavi nodded as he pulled down his boxershorts and you quickly pulled down your panties. You couldn't keep your eyes off of his dick, you had known him for so long and you never would have thought that he would end up naked in front of you.

"Lie back amor," Gavi said and you lied back down. He crawled over you and held himself up with his hands.

You looked down at his dick as he aligned himself with you. "look at me." He whispered and you did as he asked.

As soon as you two held eye contact he pushed himself into you and you immediately whimpered.

He was way bigger than Paulo and you weren't used to him yet. "Fuck you're so tight" Gavi groaned and you relaxed a bit so you wouldn't clench around him anymore.

As soon as you got adjusted to his size he asked for a confirming look and you just gave him a nod.

He then started pushing himself in and out of you at a rapid speed while you arched up against him.

He groaned and hid his face in the crook of your neck while he kept moving his hips. He felt you so tightly wrapped around his cock that he could have come any second.

He decided against it and that it was his goal to make you cum first.

"Do you like that? Wrapped around my cock like it's your hobby?" Gavi then whispered into your ear. "I can feel your walls clenching around me so tight."

Gavi's dirty talk only made the heat in your lower stomach grow and he noticed when your moans became louder.

"Come all around my cock, you nasty bitch. Taking it all at once like the good slut you are." It only took a few thrusts from there on.

"Gavi-" You moaned out loudly and came. He trusted inside of you two more times before he came inside of you.

"Joder you're so hot, my cum dripping out of your pussy." Gavi looked down at your pussy immediately after he pulled out and saw his cum dripping from your hole.

He took his two fingers and pushed it inside again, just to tease you, he decided to curl up his fingers inside of you.

You who was obviously still sensible from coming and your legs were shaking, you yelled his name.

"That's what I like." Gavi then laid down next to you in bed and looked at you. He pushed a strand of hair out of your face as you were staring up at the ceiling, coming down from your high.

"Are you okay?" Gavi asked and you shook your head.

"That was the best sex I have ever had." You mumbled and Gavi couldn't help but smile. He then leaned down to your boobs and left a few hickeys on them.

"Do you regret it?" Gavi looked at you again while he was still sucking on your boobs. You put your hand into his hair and messed it up a bit.

"No, I don't." You said in all honesty and he went back up to your face.

"How would you tell them that when you were supposed to visit your parents, not even two hours later you were laid out naked on my bed with my cum dripping out of your pussy?" Gavi asked and your stomach cramped at what he said.

He was turning you on so much, you've never seen this side of him before and you were loving it.

"I'll break up with him" You decided and he nodded his head. Then he leaned closer to you again and you two began making out.

After you pulled away to breathe since you were so out of breath Gavi's hand slipped down to your clit.

He started rubbing it and slowly he slipped two fingers inside of you, then he leaned in for a slow make out session.

As he was pumping his fingers in and out of you, you moaned into his mouth. That made you feel his erection against your hip and you then pulled away.

"Can we do another round?" You asked him and he smiled as he pulled out his fingers and pumped his hand up and down his dick a few times.

"Are you ready?" He looked up at you as he leaned over you and pushed his tip in.

"Yeah," You nodded and he pushed himself inside of you again. You whined a bit at his size, this time you didn't need that long to adjust so Gavi started thrusting in and out of you faster than he did before. He then moved down his hand to your clit and started rubbing it at a rapid speed.

"Fuck, Gavi" You held onto his back and your nails ran along his back. Gavi felt that they were gonna leave marks but it turned him on so much.

So after both of you finished, he suggested a shower together. You of course agreed but the shower started with Gavi fucking you against the shower wall.

Sometime later

Just as Gavi walked inside the locker room to get changed for the practice session, Pedri smiled at him.

"Hola Hermano, que tal?" He asked and took off his shirt, Gavi also took his shirt off.

"What the fuck is that?" Pedri asked just as Gavi turned his back towards him.

"What?" Gavi asked confused and it took him a few seconds to realize that there were still your nail scratches on his back.

He cursed himself mentally and turned around. "I fell while working out." He said in all seriousness and Pedri nodded his head with a huge smile.

"Sure Gavi" Pedri said, before he could have continued Fermin walked into the dressing room too.

"Hola chicos qué tal?" Fermin put down his bag next to Pedris and as he walked past Gavi he saw the red marks on his back.

"Damn, what did you do hermano?" Fermin immediately asked and Pedri gave Gavi a look.

"Gavi had a chick over" Pedri pushed back Gavi's shoulder slightly to which he only responded with a small smile.

"Damn, who?" Fermin pulled out his shorts and his shirt and also his shoes. Gavi shook his head and covered his face with his hands.

"I can't tell you" He mumbled and took the shirt to pull it over. Since it was a sleeveless shirt there were still some slightly visible marks on his shoulders.

"Mira, Mira." Pedri stood in front of him and put both of his hands on his shoulders. "Hermano, you tell me and Fermin who it is, and we will cover your lie that you fell while working out."

Pedris smile spread across his lips as he heard Gavi scoff. Fermin was just sitting on the bench, listening carefully.

Gavi did have to admit that that was a good deal.

"Joder" Gavi muttered under his breath and pushed back his hair. Meanwhile, Pedri leaned back a bit and crossed his arms.

"Just say it, except she's my cousin." Pedri laughed and looked at Fermin who stood up and also walked up to his two friends.

"I can't, You're gonna kill me." Gavi mumbled but Pedri gave him an angry look, then he inhaled sharply and looked the canarian in the eyes.

"It's Y/n" He mumbled and Pedri's and Fermin's jaw dropped. Both of their eyes widened and Fermin laughed out while he sat down again.

"You slept with Y/n?!" Pedri asked and his wide open mouth curved up into a smile.

He truly couldn't believe it, he expected him to sleep with some random chick, a one-night stand kinda type.

"You mean the Y/n, the girl whose parents are best friends with your parents?" Gavi nodded. "The girl who is your childhood best friend?" Gavi nodded. "The girl who's best friend with Aurora, your sister?" Gavi nodded, once again. "The girl whose dad is best friends with our coach?" Gavi nodded.

"The girl who has a boyfriend?" Gavi nodded one final time and Pedri shook his head.

"You have lost your whole mind." Pedri said and Fermin burst out laughing.

"You're crazy hermano, loco" Fermin poked Gavis head with his own finger.

"Is she at least good in bed?" Fermin pushed back Gavi's shoulder slightly and Gavis eyes widened at the question.

"Dude, she's my best friend!" Gavi said and Pedri shook his head while he smiled.

"Yeah and you fucked her, so is she good or nah?" Pedri pressured Gavi into telling him. Gavi wouldn't even have to think twice to answer that question.

"Why do you even ask that?" Gavi laughed out awkwardly, he wasted time in the hope that someone forgot something and come in to get it.

"So Fermin can know if his fantasies are true or not, now tell us." Pedri started getting impatient and put both of his hands on Gavi's shoulders. Fermin laughed out as Gavi looked to his left.

"Yeah, she's good." Gavi muttered and Pedri's lips curled up into a smile.

"Was she on top?" Pedri asked but Gavi shook his head. Fermin was honestly just standing next to them and listening to their conversation.

"No, what the hell, no she wasn't. I'm done with talking about how I slept with Y/n, get ready." Gavi ended the conversation and Pedri gave him a wink while turning around and putting on his shoes.

Gavi knew this practice session would be horror.

While Gavi was at practice, you were at home, hanging out on the couch. So without really anything to do, you were scrolling on TikTok.

I mean you were until the doors opened. Inside came the only other person who had access to your apartment, Paolo.

"Hola Amor." He smiled at you while he walked over to the couch and sat down next to you.

"Hey" He grabbed your jaw and turned your head to look at him, he was still very gentle with you. Then he leaned forward to kiss your lips but you pulled away.

"What's wrong?" He asked but you fake coughed. You scratched your neck and then stood up to go to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Just in that second, you received a text.

[GAVI:] Can you come over to my place tonight? Aurora will cover for you.

You smiled a little and texted back a simple okay.

"Ay Paolo" You walked back to the couch and then looked at him. "Me and Aurora want to have a sleepover, I'll stay at hers tonight. Just so you know, in case you planned to sleep here." You told him and almost walked away when he spoke up.

"Oh, that's okay, but you're staying at Aurora's house right?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Of course?!" You lied and smiled at him. Then you went to pack together the things you needed and then walked downstairs again.

"I'll see you, bye." You locked the door before he could have even responded and then basically sprinted to your car. You wanted to get some five guys before you went to Gavis.

Paolo usually didn't allow you to eat that kind of fast food since he said it's greasy, this was your chance.

After a successful stop at Five Guys you drove to Gavi's house. However, you decided to go to Aurora's house and leave the car there.

"Gavi?" you asked as he picked up the phone.

"Where are you dude, I'm bored." He groaned immediately and you jumped out of the car.

"Come and get me from Aurora's house, please. I left my car here for safety. " Gavi immediately stood up after he heard that and then you two hung up.

So you waited outside until you saw Gavi's car drive by. You sat inside and pulled him into a hug.

"Hey, how are you?" Gavi asked, admiring your eyes like always.

"Awesome, what about you? Did something interesting happen at practice?" You asked, genuinely interested in his answer. Gavi was afraid of that question, ever since he texted you, he was afraid that you'd ask.

"Pedri and Fermin know, they saw the marks on my back." He muttered while keeping his eyes straight on the road.

"Oh, okay." You answered in the most calmest tone ever, Gavi turned his head to look at you with a weird face.

"Okay? Aren't you scared that your boyfriend Paulo is gonna find out?" He raised his brows and then looked at you for a second after parting his eyes from the road.

"Well, I'll break up with him next week, since I'm gonna visit my grandparents in Seville on the weekend. He won't be there harass me there if he gets mad."

Gavi pulled into the driveway and you turned to look at him.

"Sounds good" He mumbled and you smiled. Then the two of you went inside and you decided to cook something.

"What do you wanna cook?" Gavi leaned onto the countertop, his biceps flexing as he held onto the edge of the counter.

"Let's make Paella or something" You suggested and he raised his brows.

"Paella? you wanna be here until tomorrow?"

"Please, your mom always made that amazing Paella. I miss it" You pleaded and eventually, he gave in.

"Fine, you're helping me clean up tho." His finger was pointed at you to which you just gave him a smile and a friendly nod.

After about 1 and a half hours you two were sitting at the dinner table, the two pans in front of you.

You were just finishing the rice and Gavi waited for you to finish. "You eat with so much appetite, it's amazing to watch." Gavi smiled and you couldn't help but smile too.

"What do you mean by that?" The question was asked by you shyly.

"The way you eat, I don't know how to explain it-" You scoffed at him and shook your head.

"Oh my god okay." A small snicker escaped your lips and you then finished your food.

"Okay, let's go clean up" Gavi jumped up and walked into the kitchen. It only took you two almost 3 hours to clean up.

Not only that but the most difficult thing was trying to clean while Gavi kept coming closer to you.

"You look so hot." He whispered against your neck as he leaned over you from behind.

You were just cleaning the countertop with a wet sponge and he was being horny, or rather weird.

"Gavi, later." You pushed him back with your shoulder and just smiled to yourself. Gavi walked around you and stopped right next to you.

"Later? You promise?" He lifted up his pinky finger.

"Promise" You interlocked it with his.

So that's how you ended up not even 20 minutes later on his bed, half-naked.

"Take off your thong, show me how wet you are." Gavi told you and your hands immediately traveled to your waist.

Your fingers hooked into the waistband and pulled it down. His face was right in front of your throbbing pussy.

"Gavi-" You moaned out after his lips attached to your core, sucking slightly on it. Then he stuck out his tongue. "Keep still for me Amor." He punned down your tighs onto the bed and then started to lick your whole core. Then he slowly moved his fingers to your pussy and without a warning, pushed them inside.

You arched your back up against his face as he was still buried inside your pussy.

"Yes Gavi, ah yes-" You moaned and he started pumping his fingers faster than before.

Your moans became louder and your breath quicker. "Yeah, right there." You moaned and just as he licked up at your juices you came. Not only did you come, but you also squirted all over his face and his back.

He was covered in your juices as your legs were still shaking like crazy.

"I need you inside of me, please." You whimpered as the cold air hit your pussy and Gavi just smiled slightly. Your juices were all over his face, chest, stomach, and arms. He looked so hot.

"You want me that bad?" He chuckled and you gave him a look. He just laughed a bit and then pulled down his boxershorts, his awfully hard dick hitting his abdomen as he did so.

He pumped his hand up and down his dick after he spit on it and then leaned closer to you. After he aligned himself with you, he made eye contact and then pushed himself inside.

In his opinion watching you throw your head back and close your eyes was the hottest thing ever.

"You're so big, fuck" you whispered almost as he pushed himself even further inside. His cock stretches you out completely.

He waited a few seconds and after your breath slowed down he pulled himself out so that only his tip was inside of you.

Then he slammed himself inside, hard, you moaned loudly as he immediately hit your G-spot. He definitely knew what he was doing.

"You're doing so good." The praising made you clench around him, he then pushed down onto your lower stomach and you whimpered.

Then he moved his hand down to your clit and started rubbing it while he thrusted in and out of you at an even faster pace.

The hot knot in your stomach began to build up and your legs were shaking already. However, he kept going, and as his thrusts began to fall out of rhythm you realized that he was close.

"You look so beautiful right now." Gavi managed to make eye contact with you, since you were always closing your eyes shut it was a bit difficult.

Then his thrusts became sloppy and you felt as if he slowed down. Seconds later he came inside of you, you felt his cum filling you up as you waited for him to regain his strength. His groans were turning you on so much that you clenched around him

"Wait, I'll finish you off in a second." Gavi muttered and you nodded your head.

After a few seconds, Gavi stood upright again and began thrusting into you at a very fast pace.

His balls were hitting you as he slammed in and out of your pussy. His thumb rubbed your clit as you felt your orgasm approach.

You arched your back up against him and it took one final thrust for you to finish. Your legs began shaking like crazy and you whimpered as he pulled out of you.

He then pushed his cum back inside of you and pumped his hand up and down his dick while he looked at your wet pussy.

"You want me to finish you?" You asked and Gavi nodded his head but kept pumping his hand up and down.

He then crawled over to you and you turned to the side. You at first put your head on his tip, spreading your juices over it as you then slid your hand down further and put the tip into your mouth.

Gavi looked down at you as he held the back of your head, he was holding back your hair in a makeshift ponytail as you began to swirl your tongue around his tip.

He immediately began to push you down a bit further on his cock.

As his tip hit the back of your throat you coughed and he immediately let go of you. You pulled away and looked up at him with tears in your eyes while your tongue swirled around his tip again while both of your hands were pumping his dick.

You then eventually felt his dick twitch and took as much as you could of him into your mouth. The warm liquid hitting the back of your throat as Gavi groaned while he looked down at you.

After you swallowed everything he leaned down and cleaned the edges of your lips. "Open up" He mumbled and you opened your mouth. He stuck his finger inside and you sucked off the remaining cum.

"Good job" He then leaned down and kissed you again. You pulled him into a much deeper kiss and eventually, you pulled away.

"Do you want to take a shower?" Gavi suggested and you nodded your head.

"Gladly" He winked at you after you said that and then he slid his arms under your body to carry you to the bathroom.

So after you two were done showering he gave you one of his boxer shorts and an oversized shirt too.

"Thank you" You mumbled and he nodded his head as he flashed a smile.

After that, you quickly fell asleep as you were cuddled up in his arms.

24 hours later

You were now lying on your bed, wearing some shorts and an oversized white shirt. You were waiting for Paulo, he got off of work about 20 minutes ago. So as you predicted he walked into the room a few minutes later.

"Hey" you smiled and he flashed you a smile as he immediately started to get changed.

"Hello Love, how was the sleepover with Aurora?" Paulo asked as he then took off all his clothes and got into bed.

"It was amazing, thank you for asking." You smiled and he turned off the lights as he got into bed.

"No worries, by the way, when are you leaving for Sevilla?" He turned to face you in the dark.

"Friday evening" You answered as shortly as possible. You planned on telling him on Friday that you wanted to break up, but not that you were hooking up with Gavi.

He didn't need to know that.

"Ah okay, good night." He snuggled closer to you and sooner than you knew, his arms were wrapped around your body.

You tried to maintain some space between the two of you, even as his hands slid below your shorts and gave your ass a light squeeze.

Just a few seconds later, he froze. Then as fast as possible he turned to his nightstand and turned on the flashlight. He showed it as he pulled down your shorts and as you lifted up the blanket you saw that you were still wearing Gavi's boxershorts.

"What the fuck" Paulo turned to face you and immediately you thought of the only really logical thing to say in this situation.

"They're yours, what do you mean?" You raised your head, knowing damn well that you were lying.

"I'm gonna beat up whoever those are. Don't fucking lie to me, who did you cheat with?" Paulo looked at you, he had an angry expression on his face. His brows furrowed and his eyes dark.

"What are you talking about?" You acted confused, you obviously didn't want him to find out that you cheated on him with Gavi.

"Where did you stay yesterday?" He asked again, you flinched a bit as he came closer to you.

"At Aurora's?" You mumbled and Paulos expression suddenly changed. It was like something inside of his head clicked.

"I'm gonna kill that motherfucker." He whispered under his breath and then stormed out of the room.

You sat up confused but then called Gavi immediately just to make sure. "Gavi" He picked up immediately.

"Yes Princesa, are you feeling lonely tonight?" The smile on Gavis face could be noticed by the way he was talking.

"No, no, Paulo is on his way to your house I think, he found out that I'm cheating." You said at the fastest pace ever. You haven't been anxious for a very long but this time you were genuinely scared for him.

"Are you okay and healthy tho?" You couldn't help but smile at how much he cared for you.

"Yeah yeah I'm fine. Just act like you aren't home. Turn off the lights, close all the windows, and don't make any noise, also hide from the windows." You explained carefully to him.

"Or I'll just beat him up-"

"Gavi." You said in a harsh tone.

"Okay, your plan sounds better." You couldn't help but feel anxious after you heard the car drive away.

"I'll pack my things and go back to my apartment. Just be careful, please. Don't make any trouble." Gavi smiled a little while he walked around the house to turn off all the lights.

"Yeah, but it's sweet that you care for me Princesa" You rolled your eyes and also stood up to get dressed.

"You just shut up and do your job." You then pulled the phone away from your ear and hung up the phone.

Gavi grinned while he slid his phone back into his pocket and turned off the final light in the living room, then he walked over to the door and locked it.

He has that bad habit of forgetting to lock his door, that's why he has an automatic lock. But it only locks the door 10 minutes after it got closed and he came back 7 minutes ago. Pedri and him were driving around with his car to just hang out a bit and talk.

You on the other hand were already leaving the house and walking towards your car.

Just as Gavi wanted to text you to drive save, he heard a car pull up to his driveway.

He quickly walked to the staircase and sat down on it, it was out of sight of the windows, that's why he chose them.

So just a couple of seconds later he heard someone banging on his front door. "Gavi man, I know what you did with my girlfriend." Paulo yelled. Gavi sighed and rolled his eyes.

No matter how many times you told him that you're in love with Paulo, he always got annoyed.

Because to Gavi, Paulo was an absolute joke. He didn't have any idea of what he was doing and most importantly, he probably didn't have a brain.

"Gavi, you mother fucker, get out here!" Paulo kept yelling. Gavi snickered.

"You calling your girlfriend mother now?" He whispered quietly to himself and covered his mouth with his hand.

After about 5 minutes of waiting Paulo drove away with his car again.

So as you made your way towards your apartment again, you had an incoming call.

"Y/n," Paulos voice drung through the speajers of your car as you just made the turn to your apartment complex.

"Hm?" You hummed and then parked the car.

"Where are you?" He had calmed down now, his voice didn't seem so aggressive as it was before.

"I'm at my apartment." You mumbled. The car engine turned off after you turned the keys and you leaned back in your seat, waiting for him to speak.

"Can I come over?"

"Look, its probably better if we dont see eachother for a while." You tried to make it sound as nice as possible. There was a few seconds of silence before Paulo spoke again.

"So we're breaking up?" His voice was shaking. Even tho you cheated on him, he wasn't mad at you, the only one he was mad at was Gavi. Because if Gavi wouldn't have come across your relationship, you two would've still been happy.

"Yep" You answered, Paulos expression dropped and it went from confused to sad.

This was the first time he was glad you couldn't see him.

"Okay" He answered and then hung uo the phone.

You on the other hand were still sat in your car, zoned out. You haven't felt save in that relationship since about 2 months, so you were happy that it was over. On the other hand you didn't know what to do now.

So you did the best possible thing that came to mind.

A few minutes of driving later, you were standing in front of Gavi's door. You rung the bell and heard him skipping down the stairs.

"Hey" His messy brown hair was hanging into his face as he opened the door. No matter how bad in a mood you were in earlier, you definitely felt better now.

"Hello" You smiled at him and walked closer. The door got closed shut by Gavi and seconds later you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"I wanna be with you." As soon as you said that Gavi pulled away to look at you. "I wanna be together with you."

"Are you for real?" He asked to which you responded immediately with a nod.

"I didn't want anything more than to be with you." You repeated and he smiled.

"I want to be with you too." Gavi smiled and leaned closer to kiss you. But before he could put his lips on yours, you whispered something.

"I love you."

He crashed his lips into yours, he pulled your body closer to his and he gripped you even tighter.

A sudden stroke of adrenaline hit him and it felt like the only thing in this universe were you and him.

Then Gavi broke the kiss for a second as you two held eye contact. He pushed your hair behind your ear and cupped your face. "I love you too."

#barca #fc barcelona #gavi #pablo gavi #football #futbol #fanfic #mustread #espana #gavi x reader #gavi fluff #pablo paez gavi #gavi smut #pablo martín páez gavira #pablo gavira #sevilla

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eclipse-rain · 1 year

Text

Fwel Tsaheylu (Broken Bond) Part 4

☆☆☆

Part 1 •Part 2 •Part 3

Masterlist~

Once when i was younger i had an accident.

I did something wrong.

What it was is hardly relevent now, insignificant as it was, but at the time it felt as if my small world was collapsing.

My eldest brother, the one i was the weakest to, ended up fixing the situation and my parents never found out it had ever taken place. But to this day my heart still races whenever someone questions how i got the faint scar on the palm of my hand.

As a child who accidentally cut my hand with a blade my first instinct should have been to cry, to ask for help, to tell my mom or dad.

My first instinct instead, was to hide.

To hide my problem. To hide my mistake, my imperfection.

We hide when we dont feel safe. When being seen was unsafe.

As a young uneducated child I somehow felt that sharing my authentic emotion was not going to be safe.

Authenticity and attachment are two equally important needs for a child but if they had to pick one or the other a child would most likely sacrifice authenticity to keep attachment.

This is because we need attachment from our caregivers as children for survival.

This is shown even in animals. Show any kind of weakness and you could be abandoned by your flock. Or in my case, my family and or clan, my safety net.

Mabey this is the cause for the way i distenced myself from anything my young self deemed wrong, unworthy.

My cause for distencing myself from anything human.

If i look back on my younger self now i would not be able to find compassion for the person i was or the situation i endured.

However, if i pictured my siblings being in any of the same circumstances that would be a diffrent story.

You could wonder what happened to a child to make them feel so unsafe to show their own emotions and yet the answer wouldnt be a simple one. Neither would the healing process.

I dont know why or what any of this means, ive never been good at or able to read my own emotions properly.

But i had always been told in my clan that i had a certain air about me.

At first i thought this was because the other na'vi people in the clan thought i was more human like than na'vi, like how they thought of my twin brother. This thought was soon pushed away however because of how i would hear my grandmother often say the same thing about me to my mother and father.

I knew it ment something diffrent then because my grandmother would never say anything harmful about me, much less to my father who was once human before becoming one of the people and Toruk Macto.

Than again, this realization didnt help in figuring out what they had ment otherwise at all. I could only guess, only assume, but never confirm and i would not be one to ask.

I would not be a bother, i would not be a burden, i would not be unworthy of my parents love.

However when i landed on that warm silky sand. The sand of the metkayina clans bay where they dwelled i finally figured out what my previous clan members and grandmother had ment.

~~~

My family had gone ahead of me to the place the metkayina clan dwelled.

We had been forced to fly in last nights storm as we were only a little ways off from where the metkayina clan stayed and father wanted us to power through one last time. During this one of Tuks posessions had been blown away and in my haste i had promised her i would look for it after the storm had passed in an attempt to calm down the destraught child.

I was now flying solo on the calm warm wind currents beyond the reef trying to find the thing that i knew i had no chance of actually finding.

My father had reassured me before hand that we would find safety and a place to rest with the Metkayina people so that i would not need to fear being separated from them even if we did not arrive together.

I had the coordinates, the directions, the knowledge and the talent to handle myself. My mother had been worried and tried to do it herself or have Neteyam go instead but even she knew that at this stage everyone was exhausted from the extensive journey.

One we had never done before and hoped would never have to again. This was something my father was trying to reassure us of by finding a place within the Metkayina clan.

My father knew i would be fine, he knew i was capable of handling myself. I just hoped i believed in myself as much as he did about this.

When you grow up the way i did, in the forest, constantly surrouded by danger, constantly needing to be alert, you develope certain instincts. Gut feelings and sharper sences. I could pride myself on these instincts, the ones i had, they kept me safe and out of danger.

It was something that was built into my body through time, through trial and error. Watching and learning, learning from my mistakes and bettering myself. I may not be as connected with the forest as Kiri but i sure as hell made it so i would know what was going on around me when i was in it. To not only further improve myself to gain my parents aproval and recognition but also to protect myself and my siblings.

This was one of the main reasons my father was so addament to send me. Also because of the whole insident that made us all have to flee our home in the first place. The incident where my siblings were captured by humans in avatar bodies, putting knives to their throats and even going so far as to kidnap Spider who was also human.

If i had been with them at that time i would have, for one, been in my right mind as to not do something stupid like that, which might be the reason they didnt have me come along with them. And i also would have known especially to not bring Tuk along while doing it. But also i would have been able to sence something was wrong, that someone was coming. Hear twigs snapping in an unnatural way, the sound of footsteps indicating how many people were headed our way.

How heavy they were, how tall they were, if they were trying to sneak up on us all or not and which direcrion they were coming from. I would be able to sence all these things. I had taught myself to, spending countless hours alone in the forest training myself while also practicing everything my mother had taught me and everything i had witnessed while observing others, which i had absorbed like a sponge.

My father might have been giving me a chance to prove myself to my mother like how my brothers yearned to prove themselves to him. Rather, to me, i didnt think it would do much but tire me out even more than i already was. And if i was unlucky enough i could even get stranded if my bond with my ikran started acting up again.

Having said that, we were only a little ways off from our destination so this had put my mind at ease about doing it. It seemed to calm my mothers mind as well, who seemed the least willing to let me part with them. It was also reassuring to her and, although i wouldnt admit it, to myself as well, that father had told me to catch up to them after a day and no later even if i had not found what i was sent looking for.

"Wow great idea, make a promise to your little sister to do something dumb when you both know you never break a promise" i said to myself out loud as there was now no one around to hear me.

Technically i never said i would find the thing, only look for it, but now i felt the need to find it before returning or it would nag at my conscience everytime i looked at tuks pouting face. As i knew she would be sulking about it for the next week at least and that wouldnt do after she was already sad enough having to leave her home.

The leather seat of my ikrans saddle burned into the sides of my legs from the extensive riding. I was sure that if i hadnt been wearing my riding pants that i would have had cuts lining my thighs from all the sharp turns i had to make in and around rock formations i had seen too late.

I definitely had burns from the leather because of all the jerking left and right of my ikran i had to do. I had been anxious the whole time we were riding, just waiting for my bond with my ikran to give out and for us both to go tumbling out of the sky together. My family would find out and- oh i couldnt even think about it any further.

But thankfully my ikran had held up and i got comfortable enough to have Tuk sit with me, to take her off my mothers hands, when i felt less anxious that we could possibly fall.

After a while of searching for Tuks posession i was lucky that i had found it and even more so that nothing bad had happened with my ikran or bond while i had been alone and separated from my family.

I had memorised the directions my father had explained and even written down for me and followed them to a tee. I soared over head flying lower to the sea than usual, trying not to give off a threatening posture as i arrived upon my destination.

I arrived in the early morning a day later than the rest of my family to the residence of the Metkayina clan. I saw many of the clans members working and doing chores around as i flew high above them.

They called out to me and i responded in as much of a friendly and non-threatening manner as i could in turn.

Even though my father had reassured me that the Metkayina clan would take them in the day before, i could not help but worry that they might have been turned away and i would have to go in search of them.

Although going in search of my family didnt seem very likely since i knew that even if they were turned away my father would have at least barginned with the Metkayina clans leaders for them to stay at least until i returned.

And when i did return if they could be so kind as to show hospitality until we were rested enough to continue our journey and move on to possibly the next nearest clan or whatever else father and mother had in mind.

When i finally landed on the bay of where the Metkayina clan dwelled i hopped off the back of my ikran onto the warm sand down below. It was an odd and new feeling but not one that was uplesant. What was really unpleasant was the way the people of the clan gathered around me immediately like a hawk to prey, looking at me like i was a meal.

We had learned all about the leaders of the Metkayina clan and how fierce they were before we departed, their Olo'eyktan Tonowari and especially their Tsahik Ronal. We had also learned about their children, the youngest Tsireya and the eldest and heir Ao'noung. This knowledge was deemed necessary for us to have by father if we were to ever make a good first impression or find our place in a diffrent clan.

When i felt their eyes roaming my body as if to look for any weakness they could find and exploit i did as i always would in these situations. I had observed many a time how my mother and father dealt with affairs and how they and other senior members of the clan showed their authority. But since i was suposed to keep a friendly attitude as my father had said i toned it down a bit, simply blocking out any and all ways i could appear weak to my new clan.

Shoulders down and back. Chin up. Hold your head high. Keeping your tail and ears stiff, dont let them twitch, dont move them. Dont fiddle or figet with your hands or anything else. Dont let the gleam in your eyes waver as they stare you down, soaking in every aspect of your being, even if you feel as if your awaiting death row.

And that was it. They backed off. The hungry gleam in their eyes faded out. Usually they relaxed back into themselves and carried on with what they were doing, mostly just ignoring me afterwards. Thats what the people in my clan did when i put up this version of my shield as they had grown used to the flame i had, the fire my heart contained. But the people here were not used to me, they seemed even slightly tense after the gleam had left their eyes, their confidence with it.

'Maybe this is what Grandmother had ment' i thought to myself as i witnessed the situation that played out before my eyes.

Instead of dropping and relaxing their shoulders completly they looked almost scruched up slightly as if I were the one who made them recline into themselves instead of the other way around like they thought it would be.

Yes. I was sure of it now. This is what my Grandmother had ment.

The spark im my heart. The one that i kept under wraps, contained, but that yearned to be set free, that yearned to rage a blazing fire. It peaked its head out at moments, moments like these and when it did it demanded respect. It could enrapture peoples attention and in turn their own hearts.

If only i could use it to its fullest, my fullest potential. But alas, i had to be careful. Be careful so as not to lose control of that spark, of that fire and burn away what i yearned to keep close. What was most precious even over my own heart, my soul, my own true self.

Soon enough a boy who looked around about my age passed through the crowd as they made a clear path for him to walk through. I assumed him to be the first born and heir of the clan, like my eldest brother had been of our former clan.

I had seen him arrive a little earlier then wence he approched me but he seemed to be looking on from afar and observing the situation, possibly seeing how i would react and if i would recline into myself or step up to the challenge. Thats what his eyes were telling me, they were hungry like the others had been and they still were after seeing my 'little performance'.

As he approched i put my hand to my head and brought it downwards lightly as a sign of respect. I had expected him to make some sly remark, even though i had always been told to 'never judge a book by its cover' by my father, but to my surprise, although i didnt show it, he returned my gesture in full.

His eyes still told an entirely diffrent story and i was far too used to that look to fall for it at this age. Yes, I'd play along. We could be civilised to each other as of right now, but in that moment i could tell with every ounce of my being that we both had the same thought.

'If you so much as step one foot out of line you'll answer to me'

Preditor had met preditor head on and prey hid for their lives. Of course this was all coated underneath a layer of politeness for the sake of peace and friendship. For the chance that would be given to the other until it was knowingly going to be broken one way or the other.

But he didn't know me. He didnt know what game he was playing, what game he was getting himself into. He had no idea what kind of self control i had. And if you havent already gathered from what you've read so far, I'll tell you, its a whole fuxking lot.

I could play the long game, the fun part was just watching how long he could keep up.

My attention was captured as my youngest sister ran up to me eagerly followed by my parents one after the other. They had heard word of my arrival after having kept look out for me for all of the time i was gone. Tuk started to search my body for her possession before she started jumping around when i returned it to her. Quickly there after, she hugged the lower half of my body as if she was latching onto me for dear life. I was embraced multiple times by my parents as well before i was hauled off to help my three other siblings who were setting up our new sleeping area.

As i went to see my new living quarters for the first time, with a new outlook on the situation i was thrust into with the rest of my family, i had a final thought.

'Maybe my new home wont be so bad after all'

~~~

Oh boy was i wrong. So very wrong.

I was standing waste deep in the water off the bay where the Metkayina clan resided. The first day of arrival had been given to my family for rest but i didnt get to indulge in that pleasure as we were quickly thrust into learning the ways of the Metkayina people. Today my siblings and i would be learning how to ride an ilu guided by Tsereya, Ao'nung and their friend Rotxo's instruction.

Apart from the semi-welcome, semi-unwelcome welcoming my family had recieved upon arrival they had not been hesitant to tech us all their ways and i was now starting to find my way here. Tuk had picked it up fast with Tsereya as her mentor and Kiri was a natural as usual without any instriction nessecary. My elder brothers Neteyam and Lo'ak had been taken to another area away from the rest of us to learn from Ao'nung and Rotxo. I wondered how they were doing and if it was going as well as how my sisters and i were doing.

Us three got lucky. Tsireya was a gentle soul. She was very kind and made sure to look after Tuk as the youngest. I cringed when i thought back to how my younger sister Kiri had informed me after my arrival, while snickering, that our older brother Lo'ak had eyes on her from the moment they had landed. She seemed to like him too, much to his delight. I would be happy to have her as my sister if it turned out that way but felt sorry if she was going to get stuck with my troublesome twin in the process.

With Tsireyas guidance i had picked up how to ride an ilu fairly quickly. It wasnt as hard as i thought it was going to be. I was nervous that i wouldnt get it right at the start, especially since about every joint in my body still ached from my extra long flight, but Tsireya made it feel more fun than like a chore.

As i first sat myself down onto the saddle of the ilu i stroked his head and leaned down to whisper to him a silent prayer. Wheather it was to the ilu, myself, Eywa or all three i wasn't completely sure.

'Please, please work. Keep on being normal like you have done so for the past few days.'

The ilu chittered in response, most likely not understanding me at all but it felt somehow reassuring even so.

Nothing had gone wrong over the past few days and i was starting to actually grow uneasy instead of being happy about it. It was almost like the calm before the storm and everyone knows how that scenario ends.

After Tsireya helped Kiri onto her ilu she had gone off on her own without a hitch, Tsireya then went to help and guide Tuk after making sure i could handle myself as the eldest there.

"I will stick beside Tuk the whole time, as she is a child. Please feel free to go off on your own and dont be burdened" she had said

"Yes, thank you" i replied after hoisting myself up onto the ilu i was given

It was definitely a new feeling, like the sand had been. Although it was not unpleasant, it did give me a certain anxiety. It was a joint mix of wheather or not my bond would work, if i could hold my breath long enough and if i could steer it properly because it was not my ikran.

But i was also partly excited. Excited to see the world below, like i knew Kiri was. She only had one thing on her mind ever since father had told us where we were heading for our destination.

Deciding to follow her i had my ilu go forward just like Tsireya had taught us to do. I wanted to see the look on my younger sisters face as she witnessed all her dreams about this place become real. And what a sight to behold it was. The way the water wrapped around me so tightly as i made my decent down into the depths below made me feel safer than i ever did in the forest.

It felt like being swaddled in a big blanket and as if none of my worries could reach all the way down here, just like how it felt when i would fly for hours on end up in the sky on my ikran. I saw Kiri off on her own not too far away, admiring the scenery and playing with little fish and other underwater animals i hadn't seen before that passed us by.

Down here the water was crystal clear and the sun danced off of every surface it touched making a kaleidoscope of patterns along them. I watched kiri as she let her body sway with the flow of the water as she rode her ilu, i copied her mannerisms and found how much easier it made riding my ilu properly already.

I let the water guide me as i passed under her, scanning the ocean floor and tracing my long slender fingers across any shells i saw in passing. I looked back and noticed kiri following me doing much the same thing. She noticed me and we both shared a smile as i could tell in that moment that we also shared the same feeling in or hearts.

Until mine was spiked by anxiety.

I couldn't breath. I had been intending to go up for air soon but now i couldn't breath for another reason. The calm before the storm. I knew it would never last, i was now in that storm. I could feel myself losing control once again and i almost screamed at myself in rage, losing any breath i still had.

With what control i had left over my tsaheylu with my ilu i rushed towards the surface as fast as i could, leaving Kiri behind. I felt my ilu thrashing around as it was loosing my guidance and instruction but we eventually broke the suface of the water. I felt the buring in my lungs cease as i gasped in the air i was presented with.

I quickly detached my que from my ilu and broke the bond. My ilu gradually calmed down with just a few pats and strokes from myself and began chittering away to itself once again in no time.

Kiri broke through the water not even a minute later. After following me to the surface she had an odd look on her face.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah i just needed a breather, you know?" I replied to her questioning, noticeably out of breath as my heart raced a million miles a minute.

"Me too. It's hard to hold your breath for that long. We still need to get used to some things here."

"Yeah..." i was glad i didnt have to be the one to explain myelf, she seemed to have covered all the excuses i had whipped up in the minute i had to think about what i might say. It wasn't exactly like i was lying though, i really was planning on going up to gather my breath anyway.

I was just witholding a small piece of information that wasnt necessary to give her at all. It would only stress her out.

Tsireya and Tuk had joined us not long later to catch their breath as well and with that we all joined back up with the boys for a joint lesson on breathing.

The sun was setting behind us as exlipse was drawing nearer and we all sat in a circle to focus on the techniques shown to us by the kids of the Metkayina clan. By now with todays techings we had all picked up the basic nessecities of the skills we needed to not be a nuisance to the Metkayina clan while staying with them from here on out.

Thanks to these techings i learned how to hold my breath for longer which was a good experience except for the fact that i had to sit next to Lo'ak and witness as he spluttered nervously like a love struck fool when Tsireya so much as touched him.

I looked over at Kiri and made a face before we both erupted in fits of giggles, working hard to stifle our laughter so as not to embarrass our brother any more than he was doing so on his own. The day faded away into eclipse with laughter and hearts that were full.

I know i said i was wrong about thinking staying here wouldn't be so bad after all but...

Thats not the bad part.

In fact everything started off relatively normal. Everyone was kind and happy but i wonder if that really all was just a facade. Just a layer of politeness over everyones real feelings for the sake of diplomacy. I couldn't tell what the future held then, but even if i tried i sure as hell wouldn't have guessed in a million years.

Though it did start going downhill the way i always knew it would. Because there would always be people who saw us, my family, my siblings and even i as less then na'vi, as human, as alien.

My brother, my twin, being treated as live fish bait and what was i doing? Absolutely nothing. I should have been there for him, i shouldnt have let that happen and even worse he took the blame for all of it. For that a$$hole Ao'noung who started this whole mess and i bet didnt even thank my brother in return for covering for him.

Our parents might not have been able to tell Lo'ak was covering for Ao'noung or maybe they did but they didnt see what had happened themselves so they just had to take the word of the one owing up to it. Either way i knew my brother and even if i had not seen what had happened between the two of them or outside the reef where he was attacked i wouldnt believe his pretty lies.

He was not the type to own up, as much as it pains me to say, our older brother was always the one to stick up for him. And even when he did Lo'ak would never retaliate and say it was his fault and not our elder brothers, letting him take the blame as he pleased. I knew my twin did not do this because it came from a bad place, because he had a bad heart, but because he was scared.

I knew that much, we were twins after all, like i said before, it would be wierd if we didnt have at least a couple things in common. But i suppose i wouldnt know as much as i used to about him now, we had grown more separated than we used to be. I take the responsibility for that due to my own fear. We both feared the unknown, he feared failure and letting people down and so did i.

Mabey we were, are, more alike than i had previously thought. As we grew further apart i started to think that we never really had anything in common but how would i really know since we never talked deeply about anything. We didnt confide in each other, we didnt know what the other was thinking and somethimes i wondered or even hoped that he might feel the same as me.

Only this time in a diffrent way. I thought it might be the case when we all saw him return safely, he owned up and my father said the harshest words he could have to him.

"You dishoner this family"

I could only imagine how my brother was feeling but as for me i felt them in my soul. We are twins so i could assume Lo'ak felt the same, only much worse since he was the one those words were directed at.

But they made me feel sick to my stomach, when i heard those words it dropped straight down and then lurched upwards like i was being spun around and around. This was because we are twins, he is one half of me, the other half of me. I felt those words to my core and they whispered that i was next.

Sometimes i think theres something wrong with me.

I have both my parents and my siblings. Theyre all nice people and none of them have died. I have a nice home, a nice clan and a nice grandmother. I have people who will support me through anything. So when i see them in front of me i know i should feel something...but i dont.

These are the people who raised me, who are my parents, who love me. They gave me a home and shelter, they fed me and protect me. They are the people i call to when i have a problem that i cant fix on my own or when im sick because i need thay sense of familiarity. Because they are my safety net. The only safety i know, they always have been.

So i know i should love them, i should reciprocate these feelings...but i dont. I look at them and i feel nothing. I think ive been tricking myself into thinking that i really do feel something, that i really love them and that i dont feel like its just because they were the only ones who protected me as i grew up. Because i had no choice in the matter and no one else to give me that sense of familiarity and safety.

And when i came to realise this, that i had been tricking myself, living in my own ignorance and delision, i started to act...started to lie. I thought 'well if i can trick myself what would be so hard about showing that emotion outwards and making life better for everyone else with a little white lie'.

'Lying is a form of love'.

With this white lie people would then begin to say 'you look happier as of late', 'you smile more now', 'you've changed', 'im glad your finally opening up to us'...

No. Its a lie. Its all a lie!

This isnt the real me.

Its just the me that keeps the peace, keeps the balance, keeps a sembalance of normality and familiarity because im scared of letting go, im scared of the outcome and im scared of hurting others even when i dont mean to. But how can i help it if its what i really feel, if its the real me, I cant help it, i dont know whats wrong with me....so i just lie instead. Its the better option...for everyone, everyone but me.

You often times hear how mothers or fathers do not feel connected with their child after its birth. They feel nothing towards this child and feel great grief over it, knowing they should feel all these diffrent emotions toward their child. They think somethings wrong with them but then over time as they are around the child more and watch it grow they learn to connect to the child, to love it. They watch them become their own person and the cycle might continue once that child becomes an adult and has children of its own, it has done so with many others.

I feel like that too. Can it be the same thing but the opposite way around, with the child being the one who wants to learn to love their parents? It wasnt always like this, i think i used to love them but my memories of my childhood have all faded into one big blur. I cannot recall any memories save for a few that have impacted me the most and only these i recalled recently or have kept with me and never once have left my mind. So i want to learn how to love them again, not just for them but also for me.

Lying and acting go hand in hand. One cannot exist without the other. You lie to act and you act to lie.

Thats the way i see it. Because i have known no diffrent. I do not know how to portray my feelings, my emotions, outwardly...not the real ones at least. So i lie. I lie and i act and i lie some more. Over and over and over again until i get twisted up in this web, this net of lies and fall down the rabbit hole until i dont even remember what i was like before. Before the lies, before all of it.

I dont know who the real me is anymore. But there is one thing i know, one thing i cant do.

Imagine this ; your going to bed at night and your parent comes to see you off one final time before you fall into your dreamland, and they say 'goodnight, sleep tight', 'see you in the morning', 'I love you'.

All the normality in the world, all the feelings and safety that should make you feel happy but all you feel instead is grief. Grief at yourself for only being able to reply back with a 'Okay' or 'Night' or a 'See you tomorrow' but never being able to utter the words 'I love you'. Because they carry so much weight to you, so much raw emotion that you cannot let escape from your being in fear. Pure fear of the unknown, of what will happen if you put these feelings on display, for the whole world to see.

Its not that i hate them, my parents, i just need to relearn how to let love win over fear, let them take my worries so i can love without restraint. Its like my heart is aching to be let out of its confinments within my chest where its tamed and trained to let the outershell act and lie while it rots away my entire being from the inside out.

Because 'I love you' are the only words i cannot speak out loud.

They are the only words i cannot bring myself to lie.

☆☆☆

@jakesully-sbabygirl @dreamsholdpowers @alohastitch0626 @1ntefly @arminsgfloll @bobojojoba69 @bucky12345 @destinylb @exactlyhappyflower @eternallyvenus @heart-an0n

(Everyone who used to read this is gone by now just watch😭✋)

#avatar #avatar way of water #avatar x reader #avatar x you #fanfiction #jake sully #kiri sully #lo'ak sully #neytiri #neteyam sully #tuk sully #platonic sully family x reader #platonic x reader #platonic

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h-harleybaby · 1 year

Note

can i have some jimmy dating hcs please ive been deprived if him😫

xxx

Ugh I’ve been deprived too 😭

But I’ll do it <333

Literally had to go look for Jimmy Valmer x reader to get a feel of it but I barely got shit so I’m just making this up as I go-

I wrote over half of this, and tumblr didn’t save it so I lost it >:(((((

Dating Jimmy Valmer hcs

• Jimmy’s such a sweet guy <33

• He probably shows up at your house with your favorite flowers and a few jokes he made with you in mind

• Y’all can’t hold hands a lot (because of his crutches, duh) but he loves physical contact so y’all probably go places arm in arm (more like you have your arm around his) if you can, but it’s pretty difficult

• Whenever he can, he tries holding your hand. If you get a bit embarrassed, he’ll hold your hand under the table and occasionally intertwines your pinkies

• He loves cuddling with you, and likes it when you lay on his chest with his head on top of yours or on your shoulder (he probably kisses your neck a lot at the same time too). He probably sits next to the stairs or somewhere that’s not the cafeteria and cuddles you so no teachers bother y’all.

• If you think Jimmy’s affectionate in public, he’s even more so in private. He loves when you hug him from behind, with your arm either around his waist or his shoulders as he writes jokes or something

• He would love to hang off you but he can’t really because he needs his crutches to walk, but he’ll gladly have the roles switched and let you hang off him

• He also loves to lay down with you and cuddle while y’all nap or something. Mid day naps with you are the best because normally during naps he wants to lay on you, so he tries being sly and laying between your chest. He thinks he’s the smartest person alive but you know what he’s doing. You don’t really say anything about it besides smile because you love him doing that

• He definitely tries to have sleepovers with you a lot and tries sneaking in (ofc with your knowledge) but his crutches are so noisy and if you have a room on the 2nd story of your house, forget it. But if you’re on the first floor he can just throw his crutches in and try lifting himself up through your window

• Jimmy’s a good guy tho, so he gets along with your parents and leaves a good impression on them. So it’s not too hard to convince them to let y’all have sleepovers and stuff

• He always wants to kiss, whether in public or not. He doesn’t even care if y’all are one step away from making out he can’t get enough of you

• Likes french kissing and he’s always smiling when y’all kiss

• “How do flowers kiss?? With their tulips” and then kisses you really quickly

• “My gf told me, ‘When you kiss my neck, it feels magical.’ guess you could say I'm a neckromancer.” (He says this while kissing your neck btw)

• He loves making you laugh, it makes him feel like he’s on top of the world. That and he loves the sound of your laugh

• Jimmy takes pride in knowing that he’s the one who can make you laugh and smile the most

• He also has a staring problem tbh

• I read this hc somewhere but completely agree with it, he probably stops in the middle of what he was saying because he looks at you and remembers why he thinks you’re the most gorgeous person he’s ever seen

• He likes helping out with anything he can, especially in the cooking department

• I don’t give a shit what you say, he likes cooking and always wants to help out in the kitchen >:(

• It’s perfect, isn’t it? Gf who loves baking and bf who loves cooking

• Doesn’t matter if it’s the most disgusting thing on this earth, if you made it he’ll eat it and say it’s delicious

• Most of the time tho, he brutally honest. It’s a life saver sometimes

• Hear me out, he took 3 straight days making a playlist for you

• He’s all secretive and asking you all sorts of questions about your favorite songs, song writers, and genres. Then once he’s done he sends you the link with a smiley face and says he hopes you like it. The playlist is 18 hours long 💀

• Jimmy’s love language is probably physical touch and acts of service. I’m not really good at thinking about those kind of stuff. But one of them is definitely physical touch

• Y’all are probably attached by the hip tbh

• He thinks about you all the time, but not in the obsessive way. It’s the I’m so in love with you way and they’d probably love this thing way

• Like I said in some other Jimmy hcs, he definitely talks about you in his comedy routine

• “Love is when I walk to the other side of the classroom to sharpen my pencil just so I can see her. And then I realize that I am holding a pen.”

It’s a smidge long, sorry 🥲

#south park x reader headcanons #south park x y/n #south park x reader #jimmy x reader #jimmy valmer x reader #Jimmy Valmer x reader headcanons #h harleybaby needs help #Harley’s anons <33 #Harley’s favs #harley’s requests!

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phatm0th · 4 months

Text

Archie the Painslut

18+

heyy so i recently started the show The Great on hulu and even though i haven’t finished it yet (not even on season three yet) i really wanted to write about Archie. This was meant to be much shorter but i kept coming up with new ideas and it snowballed into this.

this is a plus size reader fic because im plus size and i say there aren’t enough of those out there. this is like, the second fic ive ever shared with the first one being on ao3. (i’ll post this one on ao3 soon) i feel like it could’ve been better but im still quite happy with the results. hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!

tags: plus size!reader, priest kink, femdom, overstimulation, oral sex, nuns, riding, slapping, choking

You were enjoying your gig as a nun in the empress’s court so far. A month prior, Russia’s new ruler sent out a pamphlet encouraging women to join the church. Other parts of the world required quite a bit of work for a woman to become a nun, but this was Russia. You jumped at the opportunity, not wanting to be married off to one of the men in your village. All you had was a brief interview with Catherine The Great herself and secured your position as a nun. You truly enjoyed it, too. Food was nice, you had made a few friends, and it was quite a simple job. Celibacy got a little difficult, but self pleasure always helped. There was one thing though, one man, rather, that annoyed you to your core.

Well, most men of the court annoyed you, always either undressing you with their eyes or making jokes about your size. This particular man annoyed you in another way, though. Archie, the patriarch of Russia, wanted absolutely nothing to do with you. He regularly interacted with other members of the clergy, but you might as well have been invisible to him. He seemed pretty high strung the first time you met him. He offered you a curt, “Hello, pleasure to serve the lord with you,” or something, and not much else. When you passed in the halls, he looked straight ahead. If there was a risk of brushing up against you, he would walk in the opposite direction. There were plenty of people in the court that didn’t interact with you and you didn’t give a shit. The truth was, you really, really wanted him.

One night, at a party, you saw your friend, Marial, drinking and speaking with someone you couldn’t see. She saw you walking towards her and beckoned you forward, smiling. “There’s my favorite nun! Are you enjoying yourself?” she greeted. You nodded, slightly tipsy. Then you noticed, directly to Marial’s left was a stone cold sober Archie. “Oh. Hello Archie,” you mumbled. He stood up abruptly, “Hello. Must go,” he said, then quickly walked off. You sighed heavily, and plopped down onto the spot he was sitting. “What’s his fucking problem with me? You know, he’s barely said a word to me since I got here!” you slurred. Marial smirked and asked, “Is it not obvious?” She paused and stared at you as if waiting for you to give her your best guess. You lifted your shoulders in confusion. “He wants to fuck you!” she said with a laugh. “Very funny jape, Marial,” you lightly elbowed her. Her face became as serious as you had ever seen it. “I’m serious! And it is quite fucking obvious,” she gestured with her hand holding a drink to Archie, stood in a dark corner by himself, staring at you intensely. You locked eyes for a brief moment then he left his corner, disappearing into the crowd of drunk nobles.

Marial confided one other thing in you regarding Archie before the party ended. That being, he was very easy to tempt. He was slipping into his “old ways”, she said. And the only way he prevented himself from fucking his way through 70% of the court was self-flagellation. With that information, you hatched a plan.

Your plan commenced the very next morning and you woke much earlier than usual, hoping to catch him before the court grounds filled with people. On some mornings, Archie would have his too small breakfast in the garden on a bench. You managed to get your hands on an especially juicy peach, and you followed Archie to his place in the garden, careful to not be discovered. You waited a few moments for him to get comfortable and take a few bites of his food. “Beautiful day, Archie!” you said as you walked towards him. He choked on a mouthful of slightly burnt and very under-seasoned eggs. He swallowed thickly, trying to regain his composure. “Yes. As all things made by God are. Must you be so… energetic?” the irritation in his voice was apparent, but you didn’t miss the way his eyes drank you in, looking up and down your curvaceous form. You brought one arm up under your breasts, lifting them in a way you hoped was subtle but still seductive. You rested the other arm on top of that and brought the juicy peach to your lips.

“Do you like peaches, Archie?”

Before he could reply, you took a large bite of it, sighing in satisfaction as if it was the best peach you’d ever eaten. (it was) A bit of juice from it ran down your chin and onto your large breasts, staining your habit. Archie averted his eyes from your body, focused entirely on his food. You tossed the peach aside. “Oh, I have to do something about the mess I made,” you said, feigning concern. “Enjoy your morning!” You walked off, swaying your hips much more than necessary.

Phase two of your plan was to occur that afternoon. You watched Archie’s every move for the second time that day, and found yourself lying in wait like a predator hunting its prey. You stuck your head out of an empty room watching Archie walk down the hallway with one of his notebooks in hand. You waited until he got close enough and rushed right into him, “accidentally” knocking his notebook out of his hand. Several sheets of paper spilled out, one landing right under an end table next to the both of you. “I’m so sorry, Archie! Let me get that for you!” You got down on your hands and knees and arched your back, sticking your ass out as you reached under the table. You collected all the papers that had fallen around his feet and picked those up too, then presented them to him, still on your knees and staring up at him through your eyelashes. He shuddered quite violently and let out a harsh breath. Without a word, he snatched the papers from you and quickly walked off.

The third and final phase of your plan was that same evening. Catherine had planned a celebratory dinner for one successful month of introducing nuns in her court. You got there as early as possible, securing your seat right next to Archie. Before dinner began, Archie said a prayer to bless the food and you looked up at him from your seat, squeezing your thick thighs together. It was both meant to tease him and provide yourself with some much needed relief. You weren’t entirely sure if your plan would even work, but just the thought of finally fucking him was enough to make you wet and needy. He noticed and began stumbling over his words, clearing his throat. He managed to get through it though, and sat back down. A few minutes into the dinner, you rubbed your leg against Archie, lifting his robes slightly. He stopped eating and looked at you with a pathetic look in his eyes. He opened his mouth shakily but before he could say anything you stood up quickly and excused yourself from the table. Nobody seemed to give a fuck as everyone continued eating and having their hushed conversations. The only one that seemed to notice you spoke at all was Marial, giving you a knowing look.

You made your way to a completely empty room pretending to look busy with a vase of flowers. You were counting on Archie following you into it, but after a few minutes of waiting, you were beginning to believe he wouldn’t show. Maybe you should’ve explicitly said what you wanted. Maybe he just wasn’t attracted to you. Maybe he just really wanted to stay celibate. As your mind wandered, you didn’t notice the door close behind you.

You felt his presence when he was just a few inches behind you. His hands rested on your shoulders then slowly moved them to your tits as he started kneading them through your habit. “I want to fuck you,” he whispered harshly. Any other man would’ve gotten stabbed right in his cock for such a bold move but a wave of heat overtook you as you felt his breath hot against your ear. He sank his long fingers into your thick waist and gripped you roughly. You hoped it would bruise.

“Fucking finally, Archie.” You grabbed his forearms and ground your wide hips back onto his clothed, impossibly hard cock.

He started licking your ear and panting like a fucking dog. But before you could really get started you heard the empress call his name, likely wondering why he had disappeared from the dinner.

His perfect hands stopped groping you and he gasped as if waking from a trance. “This cannot happen!” he hissed, quickly prying himself from you. “Disgusting!” Before you could reply, he left you in the empty room. You weren’t sure if he was disgusted with himself or with you.

The next day was slow. You slept past breakfast and when you finally emerged from the bedroom you shared with another nun, the first thing you heard was some guard joking about you finally going on a diet. Any other day you would’ve had a comeback. Or a slap. Nothing today, though. You couldn’t even give him a dirty look. You just walked off.

You roamed the grounds, trying to find something to keep yourself busy but you to no avail. Archie found you disgusting. You faced rejection before but nothing ever stung this badly. Maybe it was because you had your hopes up this time? Marial herself told you how he felt about you, and she knew him better than anyone else did. Marial saw you walking alone, eyes downcast. She looked concerned as she walked towards you. You noticed and quickly walked off randomly turning corners of the palace until you believed you lost her.

You stood still, trying to catch your breath when you heard something strange. A shaky groan, muffled by the door you were standing in front of. Archie’s door. You held your breath and listened hard, thinking it might’ve been a groan of pain. He panted heavily, and let out a strained exhale of your name. You acted on impulse and discreetly opened the door.

There sat Archie at his desk, chair turned to the side so he could stretch out his legs. Cock in one hand, and a peach with one bite taken out of it in the other. He didn’t even notice you when he brought the peach to his mouth, licking into it as if it were a wet cunt. You thought he must’ve swiped it right after you tossed it yesterday.

A wave of heat overtook you and you slammed the door behind you and locked it. “I thought you found me disgusting,” you said, voice even. Archie jumped violently, but notably did not let go of himself. He looked at you guiltily and gave his cock a tight squeeze. His chest heaved as he worked his mouth, trying to speak. “It - it was not you I was disgusted with. It was me. I should not give in to my urges so easily, but every time I am around you I cannot control myself!” his voice rose on that last sentence as he broke away from your gaze, staring at the floor.

“Archie…” You didn’t know what to say. You decided instead that words wouldn’t be very effective anyway and decided to walk towards him. Your breasts heaved as you tried to even your breathing. You had never been this horny before, not even yesterday when you had Archie pressed against you. Before you realized it, you were looming directly above him, watching him subtly pulse his fist on his cock. Archie said, “As the patriarch, I really should not-“ SMACK. He let out a startled noise as your hand made a quickly brightening red mark on his face.

He looked up at you, panting, mouth agape as he wrenched his hand away from his cock. He dug his fingertips into the arms of his chair and furrowed his brow. You were worried you had taken it too far before he shot up out of his seat and pushed you backwards against the nearest wall. He gave you no time to speak - not that you were complaining - as he pressed his lips against yours. His tongue wormed its way into your mouth and you savored the taste of each other. You felt one of his long legs jam its way in between your thick thighs. He ground his leg onto your clothed pussy, feeling your wetness through three layers of clothing. His hands roamed every inch of you he could reach without breaking away from the kiss, as if he was trying to commit your shape to memory. You buried a fist in his long hair, yanking his head away from yours. He moaned harshly and dropped to his knees rather violently. His hands caressed your calves as he inched his nose closer and closer to your heat. He buried his face between your thighs, almost suffocating himself as he sniffed you through the thick fabric of your habit.

You pushed his head back and lifted the hem of the habit to your mouth, unwilling to wait another second. He gasped harshly and shook as he finally got a full view of what he had been fantasizing about for weeks. He lunged forward and sank his fingers into your plush thighs, trying to pull them apart so he could have his fill. He kissed your mons first, savoring the feel of the hair against his lips. He pushed his head even further, licking and biting at your already wet inner thighs like a man starved. You supposed he was starved in that regard. As much as you enjoyed his exploration of your lower half, he wasn’t licking where you needed it the most, and you were starting to get desperate. You decided to take matters into your own hands - there’d be time for his perverted licking and sniffing another day. “Archie!” you said with the fabric still clenched between your teeth. You roughly grabbed his hair and angled his head exactly where you wanted it. His mouth was right against your clit and he immediately put it to good use, licking one slow stripe along the sensitive bundle of nerves.

You heaved a breath of relief as he finally, finally started giving you what you needed. Archie moaned as he sucked your clit, the vibrations only doubling your pleasure. “It feels so good to finally give in, right Archie?” He pulled back to reply but you roughly shoved his face back where it belonged. He made a sound between a gasp and a whimper before going right back to servicing you. He moved his tongue from your clit to your pussy. His nose bumped your clit each time he moved his head, making you feel better than you thought possible. Your hips bucked, and you curled your fingers in his hair once again, trying to ground yourself.

After a bit of tonguefucking you, he replaced his tongue with one of his long, perfect fingers, and his mouth took its rightful place against your clit yet again. Pleasure shot through you like lightning as you felt his finger brush up against something you hadn’t known was there before. His assault on your gspot in combination with his relentless sucking of your clit made you dizzy almost. The sight of him almost made you cum. On his knees, one hand wrapped around his long cock and the other pleasuring you. His eyes were closed in bliss as he devoured you. You gripped his hair, forcing his head still as you ground your hips into his face. His eyes shot open and met yours. They were watery, and dilated. He somehow looked completely serene, but enraptured at the same time.

You had seen that look only once before. You followed him into the woods one day and watched him eat a berry. You watched him talk to God, watched him partake in the purest, most sacred form of worship he knew.

That was it. Once the realization dawned on you, you were cumming all over his hand and face before you knew it. You were loud and shaky, the hem of the robes shoved in your mouth did very little to muffle your voice. You pulled his hair so hard he was sure to have a headache in a few hours. He let out a few short grunts himself, eyes rolled into the back of his head and the hand on his cock finally stilled.

You let go of his hair and managed to relax the tense muscles in your body. He stood up on shaky legs, eyes wide as he watched you collect yourself. When your vision finally cleared you saw that he was still hard. “What the fuck?” you asked, panting. “I still want to fuck you. It took a great deal of effort to not cum just then but I managed to stave it off. I wanted to save it for something special.” You were still buzzing with oversensitivity, but you couldn’t deny that you wanted to fuck him too.

You both made your way into his more than humble bedroom and you were finally able to take off your now dirty clothes. You faced each other, just admiring each other’s bodies for a few moments. You were finally able to take a good look at his cock. It was long and leaky, protruding around 7.5 inches from his skinny frame. Archie himself looked almost frightening. His head was tilted slightly downward, pupils blown, chest heaving from excitement. (?) He wore a wide grin as he drank you in, eyes lingering on your tits. You almost wanted to ask him if he was okay, but then he embraced you, jamming his tongue in your mouth and groping you yet again. He broke the kiss just as fast as he started it, saying, “I want you on top. Please.”

Archie was much taller than you, but you weren’t sure how strong he was. What if you hurt him?

Oh. Right.

You lightly pushed his chest, encouraging him to get on his bed. He quickly sat on the bed and you followed, climbing into his lap. You stood on your knees, slightly towering over him as you leaned down to kiss him again. “Sit,” he all but demanded. You could not deny him. And you were eager to see his reaction to your weight on top of him.

You sat in his lap, finally resting your weight on top of him in the way he’d been so eager for since he first laid eyes on you. Well, not quite. He wanted you on his face, but he was too eager to fuck you, so this would have to do. He placed his hands on your ass, kneading the cheeks apart, admiring your softness. You moaned and ground down onto his cock impatiently. Archie wouldn’t budge, too focused on kissing you and feeling you up. You lifted your hips, much to his chagrin, to guide his cock inside your eager cunt yourself. He let out a harsh exhale as if he had been punched in the gut. You breathed shakily, surprised at yourself for taking all of him at once like that.

Archie buried his face into your neck, whimpering. You didn’t move just yet, trying to adjust to the stretch of him. You occasionally clenched, liking the effect it had on a desperate Archie. You were ready to move after a bit, and you lifted your hips just once to test the waters, pulling him out almost completely before slamming back down onto his lap. You leaned back so you could get a good look at his face as you began grinding yourself on his cock. He was biting his bottom lip so hard he drew a bit of blood. His eyes rolled back in his head as shaky, high-pitched noises escaped him.

“Archie,” you said, an idea forming. He didn’t notice. “Archie.” you said again. Your hips stilled, and that seemed to rouse him from whatever high he was chasing, but then you slapped him. Hard. To make sure he was paying attention. You felt him throb inside you. “What?” he asked, confused as to why you had stopped moving, but grateful for the slap. “Do you want me to hurt you?” you asked, hand still lingering on his cheek. He throbbed again. “Yes. I will not last long.” Neither would you. You slapped him again, enjoying it almost as much as he was. “Lay down then,” you said as you rose off him.

He guided himself back into your wet heat as he laid flat on his back. His hands made their way to your lower back as you immediately began riding him again. You wanted to slap him again but decided instead to curl your fingers into his hair, pulling his head back onto the under-stuffed pillow it rested on. “Ooooh,” he moaned weakly, enjoying the dull burn in his scalp. “Open your mouth,” you demanded. He obeyed, sticking his tongue out for good measure. You spat in his mouth and he swallowed gratefully. You moved both of your hands to his chest and scraped your nails across it. “Yes!” Archie shouted. You pinched his nipples roughly, twisting and flicking them. Archie’s legs shook and he dug his nails into your lower back as he moaned. You liked the sting of it more than you thought you would, and your orgasm was approaching quickly.

You decided you wanted him to cum first. You rose your hips and slammed them down harder than necessary, feeling his balls and thighs slap against your ass loudly. He gasped, startled by the change in pace. “Close!” he shouted. Your right hand shot to his neck, closing off his airflow as you moved at a punishing pace. All Archie could manage like this was “c- c- c-“ You assumed he was trying to say “cumming,” as his entire body became stiff. You felt him pulse inside you a few times, each pulse followed by a spurt of cum.

Your hand around his neck loosened. You stopped moving your hips. He gasped for breath, savoring every bit of air that made it into his lungs. After he was breathing normally, you angled your hips so that his cock would hit your gspot on each stroke, and began riding him again at your relentless pace. The air he had just gotten back was knocked out of his lungs as he gasped from oversensitivity. You watched him writhe, unsure if he wanted to get away from you or drive himself even deeper. High, undignified noises left his mouth as you overstimulated him. Your orgasm hit you suddenly, and began grinding into him again, enjoying the feel of his pubic bone grinding against your clit. He laughed madly as he watched you take your pleasure from him, uncaring of his pain.

“Fuck,” you whimpered as you collapsed next to him. You were both sweaty and in need of baths, but that could wait until later. You stared at the ceiling, wondering what to do next in regard to Archie. You turned to face him and saw that he was staring at you intensely as if he saw God himself, and all his infinite love and wisdom, in you.

#the great hulu #the great #priest kink #plus size reader #fat reader #smut #archie the great #fanfic #body worship

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actualbird · 1 year

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hi zak! I saw the tags you left on a reblogged post about Luke and suffering in relation to catholicism and that made me think. one of my classmates used to mention "the catholic guilt" (particularly about having desire), and I just thought it fits Luke so well. He felt so guilty about loving Rosa (and leaving her alone...) for so long T-T. Also, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about catholic and filipino luke if you'd like to write about it!

irt to these deranged tags i left on this post abt suffering as salvation and luke forever ago, screencapped below for reference

hello hello! sorry this response took Ages but now im finally down to answer this so....

//steeples hands.....is luke pearce catholic coded? to Me, yes, and ive been casually throwing around this concept ever since 2021 HAHA. the filipino bit is actually just me projecting, so i wont go too much into that, but the religious bit Is something i wanna talk about. and i apologize in advanced for how long this response is gonna end up being

quick disclaimer b4 i start tho: im Not a theologian or an expert in religious theory, im just some guy who went through over a decade of catholic school and lives in the philippines, a primarily catholic country. this whole response is not saying "catholicism bad." it's more the institutions from where we experience catholicism from can twist it into something harmful, and i got to experience that first hand and how it affects one's view of themselves

ANYHOO, LET'S START FROM THE BEGINNING

like....the Beginning beginning

part 1: in the beginning, adam and eve did an oopsie so now we're all saddled with original sin (i swear this is important to luke pearce, bear with me)

quick recap on those who are unfamiliar: in the book of Genesis, god told adam and eve not to eat from the tree of knowledge. and then they did. this was the first ever sin in the history of humankind, and it is inherited by all humans through birth. so like, yay, happy entrance into the world, newly born baby child! you are guilty of sin already. this original sin is most usually absolved though through baptism, so it's not too much of a problem. but what im interested here is less of the nitty gritty semantics and more of the concept this all puts forth:

that under catholicism and similar denominations, a child, somebody who has not done any wrong at all, is inherently tainted by sin

now, the Good reaction to sin or any wrongdoing one has done is to recognize it and to atone for forgiveness. and within the "recognition" part is where guilt lies. functionally, guilt has a purpose. it makes us realize that we had done something wrong, it makes us feel remorseful, and it adds motivation to atone, to turn a new leaf, and to be better. in healthy amounts, guilt is useful and a natural part of being conscious over the things you do. and in unhealthy amounts, guilt is agonizing.

but thats for stuff you actually Did.

if the thing you are guilty for isnt actually something you were responsible over, the guilt cant do anything to make any of it better. you cant be a better person from it, because you didnt even do it. it just sits there, making you feel horrible for something that was out of your control. but because guilt is a Good thing to do, it doesnt matter if it's functional or not. it needs to stay. because it's Good, and the sin youre saddled with (whether or not you were responsible) is Bad

now let's bring in luke

luke's parents died when he was very young. this led him to living with mc's family, and a huge insecurity and fear he had from the beginning was that he felt guilty for burdening them, for stealing the love and care from mc's parents when that shouldve been for mc alone. the story SSR Shape Of You goes into this particular childhood experience extensively (and i highly reccommend it to anyone who hasnt read it yet), and tells us that his guilt was so bad that he wanted to run away and even erase himself from existence.

but luke didnt even do anything wrong

at the time, he was a child. he had no bearing whatsoever in the accident that killed his parents, he had no sway over who wouldve ended up looking after him, he had no control over the situation. like a newborn baby born under catholic doctrine, luke finds himself inherently tainted by and guilty for the circumstances that landed him to where he was.

this kind of pattern is going to follow him for the rest of his life, and the concept of inherent sin and inherent guilt begins to evolve. if luke can find himself guilty for things out of his control, then he can also find himself guilty for things that arent even sins in the first place

key example: love

like you said, luke feels immense guilt over loving mc. but why? love is the opposite of a sin, afterall.

it's just a sin when luke does it. because luke sees himself as inherently bad, and sees mc as inherently good. he sees himself as unworthy of her or someone who will just bring pain into her life, and causing pain someone you love is bad. if love is the knife he uses to hurt someone he loves, then that love is bad. that love should not be realized, and luke should feel guilty for even yearning for her.

by this point i think it's obvious that original concept has become twisted and overly punishing, even cruel. and thats because:

a lot of institutions teach catholic doctrine in an unhealthy and harmful manner. this is why many catholics and lapsed catholics experience The Catholic Guilt(TM). what was originally a pretty reasonable thing gets blown out of proportion from the places we learn these things from, and then getting exposed to this for majority of our lives lets it worm its way into our brain where it'll tend to stay

and if one's brain also has a tendency for self hatred and/or mental illness........well. it all gets worse.

it's clear in canon that luke is uhhhh not the most mentally well individual. his guilt is so overwhelming that it's the driving force in so many of his choices, stories, and experiences. which is big reason #1 for why luke just seems so catholic to me, because of the sheer intensity of his guilt and how he sees himself as inherently bad and unworthy.

but in the roadmap of sin, thats only the beginning. because the process goes:

sin (bad) -> recognition of the bad aided by guilt (good) -> atonement to become better (good)

which leads to big reason #2

part 2: suffering, pain, and misery as atonement

it's important to note that catholicism does not posit that "suffering is good", but there is a clear pattern of veneration for people who endure suffering under noble causes. many, many people in catholic history have been martyred (and many also sainted), one of the biggest examples being jesus himself.

pain is not good, but someone who chooses to take it on for good reasons (self-sacrifice, martyrdom, putting others above one's self) or stays good in spite of all the pain they experienced (unwavering faith, a heart of gold), well, THAT person is good.

however, like a lot of stuff in catholicism, things get twisted into extreme variations because of how it gets taught or experienced. it doesnt take a genius to see how "people who endured pain for good reasons were brave and devoted people" can transform into "to experience pain is inherently noble" when you take into consideration that many sins (like, of the seven deadly sins variety, pride, sloth, lust, etc etc) are variations of indulgence.

specifically over-indulgence, yes, but there's a dichotomy now. here, in the list of Good Stuff are things that feel not-so-good, and over in the list of Bad Stuff are things that do feel good

bad stuff is a sin, and from part 1, sins are things you should be guilty for

and now, to feel good is also bad, so you should be guilty for that. which reinforces the concept that to feel bad is good.

congratulations, you've unintentionally glorified suffering and demonized pleasure! //sad trumpet noises

you can see this kind of thinking pretty clearly in luke pearce. there are the big examples like the previous one i brought up, where he feels so guilty for his feelings for mc. but it appears even in smaller casual situations, like in his 1st birthday event story. this moment was seared into my brain

"can i look forward to this?" is indicative of hesitating in the face of happiness. even something as mundane as anticipating a birthday surprise is something to be approached with caution, feels too good to be true, to be allowed, because feeling good is bad and luke doesnt see himself worthy of it

but okay, we're all guilty now of the horrible sin of enjoying life. what comes next? atonement, becoming better, growing from the bad to become good, right?

and what better way to cleanse one's self from the sin of feeling good but through the nobleness of enduring pain?

luke is guilty over the sin robbing burdening mc and her family -> thats okay he's leaving for college anyway! wont be able to burden them there -> oopsie the NSB happens but hey at least this lone wolf suffering is a great way to atone for his past sin -> oh god the guilt of abandoning mc though -> oh GOD the mission that killed everybody but him -> NEW ACHIEVEMENT: SURVIVOR'S GUILT ON TOP OF THE CATHOLIC GUILT! -> oh GOD he's even guiltier now of his feelings for mc because of his illness, he'll only bring pain to her, how selfish of him to have feelings like this, bad and wrong -> the best way to handle this is to stay away from her to let her live in peace (lacking the pain that luke will bring) and deprive himself of her who brings him joy (inflicting pain of separation onto sinner as punishment) -> the path to salvation (to being good, because only in being Good is someone worthy of love) is through constant suffering and endless self-deprivation

kinda insane how luke's self-perceived sins and self-inflicted sufferings gain compound interest of misery, but his spiral into self-loathing is littered with this kind of nonsensical "because i did [THING], i should deserve pain/NOT deserve happiness"

for luke, suffering became the mode of atonement, it became the solution for sin and guilt.

part 3: conclusion

to wrap this all up, i wanna make it clear that i dont necessarily think luke is like, catholic in the story. nor is even it a headcanon i have. it's more that the intensely self-punishing thought patterns luke has in relation to guilt and suffering are very, very familiar. it resonates in a way that is horridly relatable to people who have experienced these specific catholic experience woes, but it can also resonate in completely different ways to other people as well.

but given that....yeah. based on my own experiences, all this //gestures at too-long response, is why i keep using catholic language and imagery whenever i talk about luke. it's so familiar. he's so familiar. luke would not be out of place in a filipino catholic high school crying during a 3 day retreat

thanks for the ask!!!

#tears of themis #moonstruck-writing #asks #luke pearce #xia yan #tot luke #tears of themis analysis

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threepoint14art · 3 months

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Ok so first of all i love reading your guys' tags always and forever, second of all @chocottang HIII CHOCOO (please do tell me if tagging annoys you!) You turned my braincell on, you asked such a simple and normal question and now you are gonna get lore'd about spring im so sorry- ok ok so answer here and then i start ranting about all the things ive done to this poor man if anyones interested:

He is not on the aro spectrum he just never really thought about romance for the LONGEST time. Rubbing my hands like an evil fly why would that be? Read to find out

Also while spring himself is not on the aroace spectrum i do present cami, owynn, bonnie and puppet to you humbly, the silliests ever

Basically, as you MAY have noticed, the guy has a lot of burn scars (shocking), that's because when he was little his house burnt down and his parents died and he got super fucked up, he's been in the foster system since he was like 10, no family wanted to take him in because his parents had him when they were super young and thus were disowned. So we start off strong with that, and it gets worse!

I wanted to make spring a little more unhinged because wowzers the sprintrap animatronic is evil, however his chill attitude captivated me, so i decided to make the unhinged him be his younger self, children are cruel adults are scary people in the foster system get treated as "a way to give people who cant have bio kids families" or "charity cases" instead of normal children with a lot of unnadressed issues who deserve a change to grow up with a semblance of normalcy. He was alone and scared and angry at life and thus tended to get into a lot of fights and to stealing stuff and such. Problem kid status + visibly scarred led him to never really finding a permanent home, not that he wanted one, because most of the adults in his life scared him and also wanted him to have a "new" life, AKA forget his parents and accept these new strangers as parents, horrible!

This little kid who is very scared and alone and wishes for nothing more than his parents calming him down again meets 2 even smaller kids and just, projects onto them. He started coping with all the stuff in his head through taking care of children and pretending it was also him who was being taken care of so softly and tenderly, the children being meg and fox. He just starts taking care of them and subconciously growing up really fast to get them the support and whatever they need and then out of literally nowhere hes 18. He's like "oh crap wth" Gets send off to the real world having BARELY graduated from highschool and with some money, he cannot bear the thought of losing any more people and just looks into becoming the other 2's legal guardian and gets them out of the system to live with him in the worlds cheapest house he could find

So what I mean is that he hyperfocused on being a caretaker and getting money and growing up and getting ten thousand things that the thought of romance was not even anywhere near his head, having FRIENDS was nowhere near his head. He had to find a job he had to enroll the other 2 into school he had to find another job he had to make sure their house didn't fall apart by the seams. Also fun fact, the more he grew up the more he realized he is a literal carbon copy of his dad, but visibly scarred! have fun looking in the mirror buddy

In his head, he does not really see himself as a full grown adult even though hes 24, and his weird thought of "adults being scary" still persists even though he himself is one, he doesn't like talking to grown people and that isn't helped by how he spent most of his life with Fox and Meg, he is not used to talking to people his age or older and he was too busy to actually process that romance might be something he wanted when he was just drowning in ten other thousand things already. As he got older and fox and meg also got older and got partime jobs his burden was lessened a lot and he was allowed to CHILL a little

So those 2 idiots in the drawing are vincent and leti,,, they might look like ocs and at this point they kinda are but they ARE based on the bg characters of Camarero and "Novia", they both also have their own can of worms to unpack it's insane.

Spring met Vincent at work, new coworker new hire and then Leti just stopped by sometimes to talk to vincent and he went thought ten billion crisis because "having a crush as an adult is so embarassing i need to be paying taxes"

So TLDR he had his first crushes ever at 24 because at that age he was actually allowed to chill a little and his brain finally had the room to process that romance was in fact, real. He also had to go through the "i like men???????? Im poly??¿¿" thoughts at 24, he shoulda've been at the club/ref

#ask response #NOT REALLY BUT FOR SORTING THINGS LMAO #sorry i went crazyyyyy so sorryyyy i love spring #anyways hes much chiller now hes so chill and clear pilled #fnafhs au #theres always a character people thought was an adult pensive emoji #he shouldave been at the club/ref

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wilder-depths · 6 months

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L could never win on his own

recently rewatched death note with the roommates cuz one of them hadn't seen it before and ended up in a bit of a debate over the second half of the show. (spoilers ahead)

essentially the sides boiled down to the fact that after a rewatch i really appreciate the second half of death note (even tho its rushed and got some holes) bc i don't think L could have beat Light. and this isnt out of hatred for L. i LOVE L. to an insane degree. my roommate did not agree with this idea of L not being able to win tho.

basically the way i see it is there's a couple things against L winning:

hes too close to the case and the criminal, to the point where he considers the perpetrator a friend

he doesnt have all the cards in hand to solve the case

Light holds all the power. all of it.

for point one you gotta understand that i believe L is a bit more emotional than Near ends up being (a different convo is the split of L's personality between Mello and Near). he's so unused to having someone next to him or on the same level that he's a bit emotionally affected (as much as he might tell himself he's not) by potentially accusing someone who is his friend. he actually says this in the show: "that is, it would be a problem if you WERE Kira, because i feel you're the first friend ive ever had". he also explicitly states that the case not going his way makes him depressed and sort of ruins his ability to do things. there are limits to how logical L is. Near ends up being able to cut himself off from emotion a bit more because he's grown up with Mello and had to compensate for Mello's extreme emotional outbursts, imo. that's strike one against L being able to effectively solve this case.

point 2: L doesnt have all the cards and he knows it. he's not playing with a full deck, whereas Light has pretty much all the cards and all the information since he's both an investigator AND the villain. this is an interesting callback to one of the first meetings of Light and L where L gives Light 3 photographs and asks him to interpret them (then later revealing there were actually 4 photographs and Light should have known). idk if this counts as irony or just dramatic irony and foreshadowing but its definitely interesting.

this lack of cards leads to L having to take risks during the investigation that are life-and-death for him, whereas for Kira, most of the risks he takes can be solved by killing someone if it goes wrong, or manipulating a shinigami into doing something for him.

point 3: because L doesnt have all the cards, and Light has all the power, he stands no chance. Light can control people in death, he's also a master manipulator who has wrapped around his finger: 1) all his classmates and community, 2) his family, specifically his father, 3) the entire task force, 4) an entire news station and a good portion of the internet, 5) a literal GOD OF DEATH. TWO OF THEM. (Rem moreso than Ryuk but Ryuk is still manipulated a few times via apples and the promise of seeing more human action). 6) the Japanese police, 7) the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 8) the second Kira/Misa, 9) another unhinged Kira in Mikami, 10) a news anchor/woman who loves him? and later 11) basically all of Japan/the world. he can afford to take risks as his power grows. (this power and cockiness is eventually his downfall but he's held in check by the mental chess game with L.)

with all of this, L didnt stand a chance. but a lot of it was because of his unique situation and proximity to Light. Near and Mello, on the other hand, had outside distance from the case. they were wild cards that eventually ended up causing Light to break (partially because he saw too much of L in them).

so L could never win on his own. but it still took two geniuses to match his power, which i think is a testament to how cool L is as a character.

i dont think this is enough to convince my roommate but i figured i'd write it down anyway and yall can judge me

#death note #ryuk #rem deathnote #anime #light death note #l death note #light vs l #character analysis #l is the best

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chiangyorange · 1 year

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Soda stabby <3

THE WRETCHED SODA.

(v excerpts taken from chapter 6 v)

sherlockcorn: explody sody Bootyyyshaker9000: … Bootyyyshaker9000: I hate how compelling that argument is. sherlockcorn: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sherlockcorn: its finally time for that nasty cough syrup elixir to perish

first of all; they are teens, theyre gonna do stupid meaningless shit sometimes and it means SO much to me. ALSO!! presenting this implies that this isnt the first time they exploded sodas!

sherlockcorn: then i saw a pack of 12 mini bottles with a cute little cherries on them and i had to try them cause u know chchchchchcherry bomb i had to

april is gay cherry bomb is my reference to show that she is gay. thats it thats all i have to say on this.

sherlockcorn: they were cheap for a reason ig and now ive just been waiting for an excuse to get rid of them sherlockcorn: they haunt my dorm sherlockcorn: so now they DIE

april had been HAUNTED by these sodas and ofc, like any friend group, when you discover the most heinous shit ever, you make it everyone else's problem too to share the burden of knowledge.

then the actual sodie splosions

NeonLeon: [video description: Mikey is seen standing away from the camera in a darkly lit parking lot at night. He is holding his arms up and behind him with a bottle of soda in his hands. Leo’s voice is heard, “Okay go!” Mikey throws the soda down hard on the concrete. It bounces two times before the neck of the bottle breaks and soda burst out of it, making the bottle spin more times. Surprised shouts are heard when the bottle spins towards the camera. /end video description]

leo has always been mikey's hypeman and its SO endearing to me. THATS HIS LITTLE BROTHER!!!!! HE CARES ABT HIM SO MUCH!!!!! and gah. GAH. when the older sibling lets you do something cool instead of them that literally means the fucking world are you kidding me?

esp with how much mikey looks up to leo, this moment is saying "i am good enough to do this dumb stupid shit because if i do thisi dumb stupid shit im more like my brother and i love my brother"

ILL CRYYYYYYYY

green2: A story in 3 pics green2: [image id: A picture of the same dark parking lot from the previous video. In the dark, two eyes are seen reflected from the distance. /end id] green2: [image id: An open soda bottle is thrown at the eyes, the liquid visibly spilling out of the neck. The picture is blurry with motion. /end id] green2: [image id: Leonardo is standing in the view of the camera with eyes closed. There is soda splashed on his face, neck, and shoulders. /end id]

fleo unintentionally scaring the kids and being immediately punished by having soda thrown on him is fucking hilarious to me but other than that, he was checking up on them!

its late at night and while splinter is used to the late night teenage shenanigans, fleo ISNT. casey jr is a good boy and i dont rlly personally imagine him as being the type to go out alone and fuck around during the apocalypse, and its a habit the present teens are trying to slowly break out of him.

so obviously, fleo would kiiiiinda get worried about where the teens were so late at night and went out to check on them after asking splints and checking on casey sleeping in the lair

Bootyyyshaker9000: [video description: Leonardo is sitting down with April standing in front of him opening a 16 ounce soda bottle. April says, “Smell first.” and offers the bottle to Leonardo. He takes the bottle in hand and sniffs, immediately backing away with a scrunched face. “That is not soda, this is a chemical.” he replies. April faces the camera and looks off screen with a pointed look while Leonardo pauses and takes a tentative sip while she is turned away. Leonardo sputters and coughs, doubling over himself. The bottle crushes in his hands and the soda spills all over the concrete. April backs away quickly with a yelp. /end video description]

fleo is still a leo and hes not immune to getting stupid ideas.

sherlockcorn: [image id: a pocket knife is stabbed through a soda bottle right through the middle. The soda inside is leaking out. Donnie is seen in the background looking at something off camera with a soda in hand. /end id] sherlockcorn: nasty soda die <3

sometimes people dont write april unhinged enough and im personally fixing that /lh

no but fr this is a girl who canonically has a canoe and hazmat suit ON HAND. IN NEW YORK.

queen shit

i love her so much she means the world to me. blunt weapon wielders hold a special place in my heart and they just hit different. LITERALLY!!!!!

#wmas asks #wmas creator commentary #we'll meet again soon

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saintmurd0ck · 2 years

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hey babe hope ur doing well. i've been scrolling through ur nyc posting and... ur making me miss nyc sm i'm actually tearing up. i love. that fuckin city so much idk how to describe it. i know it sounds so fckin stupid and cliche but legit since i was little i wanted to live there.

seeing it in shows and movies when i was little and becoming obsessed with various marvel characters who lived in different boroughs (my main one being matt ofc lol)

and then visiting for the first like a few years ago and staying in the city a long weekend and finding little local places to eat. getting into the residential areas and everything just feels so... right.

you can hear people moving down on the street, you can see the chrysler building from your window, you can hear the ambulances and the construction workers and the trash collectors, you can smell the food the neighbors are cooking when you step out in the tiniest hall and into the tiniest elevator

seeing people talking and yelling at each other from open windows cause these people have lived here years and sitting there eating the best damn food youve had in your life from a tiny hole in the wall place on the edge of china town.

going across the street and down steps into a second hand bookstore where the floorboards creak with EVERY step and the back is literally a shed shoved up to the door taking up most of an alleyway and you just feel so fucking at peace and alive because the city is alive and FUCK

the subway and the architecture and the PEOPLE

RHI the first time i ever visited i was doing all the dumb tourist things and was walking through hells kitchen (didn't even realize I was at the time) and some middle age guy stops me on the street

he has a thick ny accent and starts asking me about my day and if i'm a tourist and what attractions ive visited and hes cracking jokes and acting like he's known me for years and telling me about his wife and hows hes traveled the world and giving me tips on how to dodge random vendors

and he tells me he stopped me cause i reminded him of his kids and he says "oh, welcome to hell's kitchen by the way, best part of the whole city"

and i. i'm so fucking broke im so broke but i swear im going to live there i have to live there i have to

and i thought it would wear off, cause that's what everyone says. the more you visit the more trash you see and the more bad things you see. and you do. i saw more trash and rats and all of that but. it just made me fall in love with it more

everyone's just there, trying to survive and trying to live their lives and i love that. yeah it has it's problems but i don't care. every time i visit i see one bad thing and twenty good things, and twenty-one reasons to love that stupid city even more

anyways let me actually shut the fuck up, ily hun, hope your day continues to get better

i am absolutely over the fucking moon receiving this, ren. i hope you know how much it means to me that you took the time to write all of this out and share your thoughts with me. firstly let me say, i feel like new york city is kinda a city of clichés, but they're all true. it has this... magic to it, and it kinda sucks you in.

when you say everything feels right, i know exactly!!!! what you mean. here i was, in a country i'd never stepped foot in before, over 15 thousand km (9320 miles) away from familiarity, but yet i knew what i was doing. it felt like some kind of puzzle piece had just clicked into place, and it only took me 21 years to find out.

i feel that the thing with new york is, the residents all have the same thing to say. "oh yeah this city fucking sucks" or some sort of variation on the criticism. but at the end of the day -- at the end of the day, they step back and think, "oh yeah, i live here. in new york freakin city." and it's such a bonding thing.

i thought it would wear off too, and after a while you'd just get used to it and everything would be mundane, but it never felt like that. even being back home, back to reality, i'm pining for it. the thing i've stressed the most about going away is that it never was a holiday. it was never supposed to be that. it was actually the chance for me to go there and ask myself honestly: "can i actually live here? would i like it?" and i am so glad i proved myself right.

so yeah, let's get an apartment in hell's kitchen. let's wake up to the sound of traffic and sirens and someone yelling on the street below, then go for coffee where the baristas pretend to care about our coffee orders (until they do). everything's a subway ride away, one way or another. fuck it, let's go on the staten island ferry at three in the morning and laugh about all the people who've paid $200 to go see lady liberty (when they can be doing it for free).

the city is alive, and while it can take and take and take from you, it leaves a part of its magic in your soul. and you know what? i'm fine with it.

the city awaits with open arms...

and i can't wait to go back.

#saving this forever <3 #rhi's mutuals 💗#rhi responds 💌#rhi goes to nyc 🗽

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ravenveenova97 · 1 month

Text

IRL Pokémon Journey (Part 1)

youtube

(this is the first song i chose to listen to wile wile wrighting this, you dont have to lissen to it wile u read but it sets the mood)

It was a calm night in the middle of spring and I left mine to just get out of the house to reflect on everything in my life, so I took a strole down to my local riverside, as I'm looking up into the clear night sky and took a deep breath of the cool night air “i love nights like these so peaceful and no people around” I'm happily walking down past the park to get to the bridge that crosses over a rail way witch i normally come to if things get bad at home, I would just stand there and look at the rail and be optimistic saying to myself one day I be moving forward in my life just like these lines, as you can't tell this is on earth the world we all live in today full of war and hate crimes and bad news all over the tv that one country determined to destroy the next, I hate it here and I feel like I was borne into the wrong world half the time like I wasn’t meant to be here, I'm not the only one though that feels that way I have a very close friend I've grown up with for just about 20 years and she feels the same way I do, like we were not meant to be here.

Not saying growing up was bad it was a lot of fun but gradually like with all people when they grow up your life just starts to full apart we all go through this in our life time but to be honest it like I'm living ground hog day same stuff different day, plus my romantic life is non-existent it's been over a year now and I'm now starting to feel the loneliness and missing the intermont side of things, that’s not the sex though more the cuddling up and kissing someone you love and feeling safe in their arms, it makes me sad most of the time and there are nights were I just cry because I'm feel so alone with so much love to give but no one to give it too, iv not been very good at choosing men to love they were ever violent or they mentally fucked me up, so I gave up on finding love even though I crave it but I know the kind of man i want don’t exist, you can say I'm picky and my standards are too high but that was never the case I settled for the bare minimum and look where that got me, full of messed up mental problems so I can see why my standards are high now.

After I mentally reflected on the rail bridge while looking at the rail lines i continued down my path and soon reaching the riverside, the tide was in and the moon illuminated the howl area so I lessened to all the waves washing upon land as I made my way to blurs Walf, it’s a big open area like a pier were it goes out into the water and when I arrive I walk to the edge and just sit down.

I look up into the sky and sigh to myself “life.....what's the point of living it if nothing good ever happens to me” I become sadden and look down at my hands and start picking the skin on the side of my finger “is there any point of living to continue with my life here in this world.........i just wish I could be somewhere else but here” I've really have reached my rope in this world I'm not happy and I've tried to do things to make it better but no matter what I do something always comes along and destroyes my peace........it's not like I just want to end my life I still want to live I still want to be alive and the only reason why I've got this far is because of my sister I could never just leave her in this world on her own, I wouldn’t want to put her threw that pain and have her walk the dark path alone she made me promise to not off myself the day I was close too, but the thing is when I was going to do it I had a flicker of hope that things will get better for me so I didn’t end up doing it, I guess I was scared to end my life I was scared of all the people I love would be left behind and suffer if I was gone.

It's not easy being suicidal but also having the will to live to not die to keep going as there could be a bright light at the end of the tunnel just waiting for me and if I gave everything up I wouldn’t get to that light, I continue to contemplate on things as my legs dangle of the edge of the pier and I'm kicking them out while looking up into the night sky seeing all the stars out and twinkling away “i guess there one thing I love about this world.......and that’s the way the starts and moon glow in the sky” a small smile creeps on my face as the moon shines down on me and having the stars twinkle above my head “so this is where you got to sis” I look round and i see my friend and sister Kim standing behind me “heheheheh yer sorry to make you worrie........i needed a walk” she smiles softly and sits down next to me and also dangles her legs of the side and looks into the night sky “it's a beautiful night agen” I smile and nod as we both look up “hay sis remember we spoke about being in the Pokémon world.........i know it's not posable but if by some myrical do you think a portal will open up for us so we can go there and leave our old life's behind” Kim looks at me and giggles a little “that would be great if that was posable and I know the first person you go to wile getting there” I look at her and laugh “hahahahh ow really who would it be” she smiles brightly and winks at me.

“well it be either Jacq or Arven right” I chuckle at that and smile to myself as there the two I've fallen hard for iv even wrote a fanfic where I grew up with Jacq and I was he's childhood friend but ended up leaving Paldea coz of my parents with my sis Kim, I was so in love with him that in the fanfic I got with him and also Arven my MC’s name was Raven and everything that happens in that fanfic traumatically is a little glimpse into my actual life.......how I suffered but threw out it I fell deeply in love with both of them, Arven was the first from Violet and then Jacq soon after, I didn’t plan to make him my Mc’s boyfriend I was just going to keep him as a friend but slowly I felt the need to have him too but I didn’t know how hard I loved that non-existent man, there was rumours going about he was going to be a villain in the next Violet update the indigo disk and it hurt me to see people think of him like that knowing he's a kind genital soul and wouldn’t hurt anyone, I remembered crying over it.

But that wasn’t the only time as soon as the teal mask was released I brought the DLC and played it and that unova teacher Brier when she called him charming my heart hit the floor, I was scared I would lose him to her so I refused to play the DLC and cried for three days strate, but all it took was my friend to send me an image that you go on a little picknick date with Jacq and that gave me the courage to finish the DLC in one sitting I might add hahahahahah, but yer it was then that I truly grew fond of Jacq so everything changed in my fanfic leading up to the first DLC, I know he's not real and its stupid to be in love with a Pokémon dude but..........i just couldn’t bring myself to fall in love with a real life man anymore......i have my reasons and I know people will ether judge me or call me dilutional but I know the differences from reality and fantasy and I know I never see him in real life.

After my sister said that I just chuckled and looked out into the water that was hitting the side of the wall “hahahaha I guess your right” but I soon became sad and sighed “sis what wrong” I smile wirily and griped my hands “i don’t know, if its anything like the games im sure there both be in a relationship........Jacq with Brier and.......Arven with Jullianna” Kim smiles softly at me and moves a little bit closer to me and takes my hand into hers “well what about the others you like? You have Leon and Raihan plus your bad boy Guzma” I just lightly chuckle to that and look at her “i think there be taken too.........there no way I can compete with Sonia and Plum” Kim saw I was sad as she knows iv been alone for a while now, I let go of her hand and sigh and lay back so I'm looking up into the night sky “to be honest sis I think its best I remain alone........that way I can't get hurt again”

Kim's eyes soften as she looks down at me “i guess........ok let's change the subject then, what would your team of six be?” I laugh at her infusiasem and answer “well I have to go with my Zoroark as my main partner of course as I love that Pokémon and have a deep fondness for them, I say my other five would be Dragapult but has to be a shiny then I go umbreon.......I would like a Flygon I've always loved them since ruby erm........i guess I go Gorgiest and lastly one of Jacq’s Pokémon Arcanine” Kim smiled at me and layed down with me too “well if by some Mirical one of us find that portal into the Pokémon world we tell each other ok” I turn my head to her and nod, living in the Pokémon world......that would be amazing and existing........I finally have a reason to wake up in the morning instead of sleeping my days away “well shall we head back home, I get us a few drinks and we have fun tonight what do you say” I sit up and nod at her, so we got up and made our way back home or so we thought.

We walked the path back home and soon walked threw a tree canopy that’s on the path on the way back we were happily talking so it took us a while to relies that we were not coming out of it we walked for a while and I spoke up “sis we been walking through this for a while now and I don’t remember it taking this long to get out of it” Kim looked around her as well “i agree and is it me or have the trees become more thicker” I look to my side and nod but we both looked ahed and we saw moon light shining at the exist so we quickened out pace to reach it and soon steped out of the tree canopy and looked around “did we take a wrong turn......no we were walking in a strate line” I look behind me and the path we walked threw was gone and nothing but bushes “WAIT WAHT!”

I ran over to where we walked out and there was no tunnel it just disappeared, just then we herd the bush rustle and looked at it “please don’t be a rat” I move back and then a black mass jumped out and me and Kim full back and land on our asses shielding ourselves with our arms, “Vollll” my eyes shoot wide open as I recognise that cry and so did Kim, we looked to what was standing behind us and our eyes widen “sis.......that’s” the little fox ran off and we looked at each other and shouted in unison “THAT WAS A FUCKING VULPIX” soon the realisation struck us and we got up and looked about properly “this........it's the wild area” Kim's voice broke as she said it and im shaking “were in the Gala reign” we stop in silence and take in the entire area, im stood there with tears streaming down my face “we made it........we’re finally here” I full to the floor as happy tiers stream down my face and im lathing threw them, Kim got super existed and was pointing out every Pokémon she saw.

I eventually got up and wiped my tears away and we started to walk about taking everything in and I got existed “sis look it’s a Purloin eeeeee adorable” just then I get an idea that struck me I remember we talked about if we came here there could be a slim chance the Pokémon we chose would be in our bags, so I quickly opened my bag and I see six balls inside of it “sis check your bag” Kim opens her bag and gasps “I've got six pokeballs inside” I smile bright and then reach for my purse “i wonder if our money got converted too” as soon as I opened it notes exploded out from it and im stood there shocked “i don't remember having this much in side I swore I had £50 the rest of my money in my savings account and that a lot of money in it” I quickly get the money that exploded out and put it all into my bag, Kim did the same thing and it also happened to her “sis I think our money multiplied........” she got up all her money and we looked at each other and smiles grew on out face “WERE FUCKING RICH SIS HAHAHAHAHAHA” we hugged each other and Kim pulled away and got existed “ok we got the money pick a place to live” I giggle at her and I smile softly but it soon turned into a smirk “you're going to live in Spikmoth arn’t you” I fold my arms and look at her she smiles bright “you know it and I don’t have to guess for you, it be Hamerloke right”

I laugh and nod at her “yer but you only want to live in Spikmoth because of piers right” she goes rosy cheeks and smiles “nothing gets past you dose it” I giggle and shake my head “well at least we won't be living far from each other so that’s a bonus” Kim giggles and walks off with a smirk on her face and I follow her “sooooo.......who you choosing sis, Leon or Raihan” I end up blushing super hard and bring my hands up to my face to hide how red I've gone “sis don’t tease me like this, if I ever saw either of them I think I die right on the spot” Kim lathed at my reaction and walked back up to me as I was behind a little “or you got Hop.......that's if he's of age that is” I just keped on getting more and more red in the face and I shook my head “no I can't see them I....i....i might pass out "Kim continued to lath at me but she soon became serious “ok so were in the Pokémon world now......so sis from now on call me Kio ok” I look at her and nod “and were biological sister too” I smile bright at her and get a little giddy “ok so what name would you like to be called I know you have a few being Raven,Nova or Vee but witch one” I think for a bit I could go by any of those names but Raven is my paldea MC and Nova is what Arven calls me and Vee is Jacq’s......i need a new name to go by, I look into the Gala night sky and look at the moon “how about Ayla......it means moonlight” Kio smiles at me and puts her arm around my shoulder “ok then I call you that from now on then” I giggle and we walk thither into the wild area from where the portal spat us out and we make our way to Mokastoke all the way to the Budew inn to get a room for the next couple of weeks till we found our own place to live at, once we got our key cards we opened the door and walked into our twin room “it's nice in here” I look about and see the beds and grin “i hope these are soft.......well one way to find out” I ran for the bed and jumped on it and I started to sink in a little, I started to lath and was happily rolling around on it “hahahahah its swishy, I love it”

Kio lathed and did the same thing, we were both happily lathing away and after a while I calmed down and was hanging upside down off the edge of the bed and looked at the balcony door, my eyes soften as I feel happy emotions well up inside me and I see that the street lamps were glowing outside and there was three little Rokidi’s sat outside on the balcony pole sleeping away, I slowly move my hands up to my face and pinch my cheeks “nope it's not a dream......were actually here.....we finally found the Pokémon world” Kio sighs in happiness and sits up from laying down “we sure did.......we can make a new life here and be happy” I nod then sit back up and look at her “so what's the first thing we going to do” she smiles happily at me and she lays down on her side “i guess we have to find a place to live” just then she looked down at the clothes she was wearing and giggled “and maybe a style change too, so looks like we need to go clothe shopping.......any idea what you're going to do with your look”

I think and move over to my bag that was on the floor on the bottom of the bed and reached my hand in to get my phone but I was shocked to find another one in side “er sis I have two phones” Kio shoots up and lunches herself across the room to were her bag was hanging up “ow shit we do have two phones......this is a Rotom phone” I see the one she holding and I look at mine “hahahahah ours are different colours” I show her mine that was a pastel purple and she looked at her one “mines is Phthalo blue that’s so cool, any way back to our styles” Kio walks back over to her bed and plonks herself on the edge of it “well I like to go cute pastel and maybe a little alternative.........i also like to change my hair colour......and my eyes, im guessing you're going to be wearing all black” Kio nods at me “yep I live in black hahahahha so might as well, I do the same as you but more gothic alternative” I giggle as we both have similar tase but yet so different styles, so she be in all moody colours were I be in bright bubbly colours, hehehehehe I've always liked that were so night and day but its why we get along so well “well sis we got a big day ahead of us tomorrow so we should get some sleep”

I nod at her and then look at myself “you don’t mind if I sleep in my top and underwear for tonight do you” Kio lathed and took off her black skinny jeans “pretty much what I'm doing tonight so knock yourself out, we get some pjs tomorrow and a few other bits” I smile and get out of my blue high waisted skinny's and got into bed, I pulled out one of the pillows from under me and hugged it “well night sis, let's start our Pokémon journey together in the morning” I giggle at her and said night, Kio drifted off fast, must have been all the excitement to finally be here..........i wonder if we meet the three tomorrow......I wonder what Jacq and Arven are doing right now, after that last thought floats around in my head my eyes grew heavy and I closed them, I'm happy to finally be here but I hope my mum will be ok.........good night mum I love you........and it all faded to darkness.

#pokemon #pokemon fanfiction #pokemon galar #pokemon romance #Youtube

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wizkiddx · 3 years

Note

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

#tom x reader #tom holland fic #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #famous!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader #harry holland

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amoristt · 3 years

Text

Grazing the Fire | IV

well hello. here i am, four years later, once again enamored with nathan enough to finally dust this baby off and pick up where i left it. im a little rusty so bear with me this chapter! much more to come <3

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this :)! it also helps motivate me!

story continues beneath the read more. let me know if you can’t access it!

Warning: language, very vague s/a mentions

want to support me? heres my kofi!

__________________________

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?”

A few hands raise in the corners of your eye, but yours remains atop your desk. Eyes far away, mind in a murky haze and almost completely unaware. All you could focus on were the memories playing on repeat within the confines of your tired, tired brain. Hours ago, you were warm, you were comfortable. Safe.

Cheeks heated to a dusting blush when you remind yourself just how you had awoken that morning. At some point in the night, an angel had blessed you. Allowed you to wake up wrapped around none other than big, bad, Nathan Prescott. Your face nuzzled into his chest, broad but wiry hands pressed firmly over your shoulder and his arm slung over your waist to keep you against him. Thankfully you had been the first to wake up, blinking away the morning sun blazing through his blinds and painting the room stripes of gold. At that moment, before your headache came crashing down onto your skull, you were astounded by him.

Eye lashes brushing the top of his cheeks, his lips parted ever so slightly, chest rising and falling rhythmically. In that moment, there was no anger, no bitterness. Just a soft and peaceful slumber. It was like being the sole viewer of a magnificent painting- each stroke and detail placed just there just for you to pick out, to remember the curves and sharp edges down to the very foundation. From his unkempt hair down to the way his hand flattened onto the mattress where your indent still lived. Nathan was so beautiful like this.

For a long time you stayed there. It was as though you were afraid to move- you couldn’t bear to disturb him. You had wondered, if he was always like this, so at peace, what would he be like? Likely soft voiced, mild mannered. He’d do his school assignments without hassle and donate to the charity board. He would wander the town with his friends and listen to music in a beat up truck flying down the stretch of highway overlooking the bold, blue, and beautiful ocean. An entirely different version of himself- carefree, and a fair blue as opposed to a burning flame of red.

But, if that were the case, you’d never have gotten here. You’d never been both the outsider, and the only seeing eye. A lucky, albeit firstly unwilling witness to the display of depth before you.

It never hit you like it had quite in that moment how lucky you were.

But- just then- an alarm disturbed what serendipity existed. You nearly leapt out of your skin, clutched your hands to your chest at the sudden sound. A headache wove its way into your once untouched temples. Nathan groaned, mumbled, ‘god damn it’, under his breath, and thus his body was reanimated into life. He rubbed his eyes and he stretched, that familiar scowl coming over his eyes and lips as he took in the sunlight damn near blinding him. A polar opposite to the being you’d appreciated just moments earlier.

“Ugh, fuck, how the fuck is it seven already.” He groaned. “I feel like shit.”

“Well good morning to you too,” You started, welcoming Nathan into the world. “‘I’m feeling pretty shitty as well.”

You said that, but really… You were more than alright. Your head had hurt, slight nausea crept into the wells of your stomach, but other than that you’re sure you were phenomenally better than you’d have been waking up whereverTate would have left your ass.

“You need to get outta here, before everyone gets up.” Nathan drawled, but he didn’t sound as urgent as you expected him to be. You’d expected him to be angry that you were still in his room, but instead he just… accepted it.

You snickered, climbing out of his throne of a bed. “Wow, you’re giving me the morning after treatment?”

“Sure am. Get outta here, whore.”

“Oh fuck you.”

You located your heels from last night, resting upright near his dorm room door. Heels didn’t sound like the most practical to sneak out of a dorm with, so you instead opted to grappling them by the straps and carrying them at your side. Hair a mess, outfit riddled with wrinkles and makeup smudged under your eyes, you stood before Nathan in all your glory. He stared at you for a long, odd moment- and you for some reason felt exposed, or even, shy.

“What?” You ask expectantly, placing a hand on your hip.

His eyes trail to your line of vision. He shakes his head. “Just thinking about how now you really do look like my morning after.”

“Yeah?” You hummed. “Find it hard to believe you get a lot of those.”

Nathan shoots you a suggestive glance. “You’d be surprised. Everyone wants a piece of Prescott.”

Surely, he was joking, or maybe he wasn’t, but you… Didn’t like hearing that. It made your stomach feel odd, uncomfortably heavy. As he stood up, reminding you how many inches he had over your size, you swallowed and cleared your throat to flush out that crappy feeling. “Well,” you started, mood having dropped. “I’m gonna go, then.”

“What got your panties in a twist all the sudden?” He asked, raising a brow and pulling some clothes from his closet, tossing them onto the bed.

The bed you two had shared.

You hated the idea of his morning afters- whoever they may be.

“Not feeling great. Probably a side effect of the roofies.” You mumbled.

Nathan breathed a laugh. “Probably.”

He seemed so calm, right now. Perhaps due to it being so early, before the outside world had a chance to remind him just why he was so uptight all the tight. Before he needed to be so uptight all the time. He really did have so many versions of himself- all of whom you were slowly becoming familiar with. Compared to the person you’d believed him to be before your run ins, you’d never have assumed someone so dangerous could be so soft as last night, as this morning. In the beginning, you’d feared him. Avoided him like a plague, or a wild animal. Even when you were enraptured in the existence of him, you still wanted to keep away. You’d never have believed someone like you could wake up clutched to his chest, as though he were afraid if he released you, you’d be gone long before he woke.

Then, a sudden thought struck your mind.

He’d held you so tight. He’d welcomed you in the morning. No anger, no annoyance. His soft laugh at your banter and taunts. How your heels were standing upright instead of tossed haphazardly into some random corner, where he’d watch your struggle to find.

How he’d stayed awake to ensure your sleep.

“So are you just gonna stand there?” Nathan called you back to reality, hands gripping the hems of his shirt. “I gotta get ready and you need to wash up so you don’t look like a five dollar stripper.” Cruel words, but with absolutely no bite. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah. But, hey,” You started. “Thank you for last night.”

“Yeah, yeah. You gotta start learning to watch your own back.” He says. “There’s gonna be times I won’t be there to drag your ass out of the fire.”

If you’d been charged, if you’d been stricken with a strange defensiveness, you’d have retorted, ‘than stop helping me’, but… Instead you allowed yourself the comfort of protection. You allowed Nathan Prescott to watch you.

“I know,” You reached for the door. “Thank you.”

With that, you bounded out of the dorm silent as a mouse.

-----------

In hindsight, you should have left earlier. Class was merely 15 minutes away when you slipped out of Nathan's room and bounded towards the women's dorm. Albeit not exactly a long walk, by the time you discreetly snuck back into your own dorm, you had roughly twenty minutes to somehow pick an outfit from your countless unopened boxes and make yourself even slightly presentable.

Wiping off whatever make-up you could get and reapplying it, brushing out the tangles of your hair and nearly tearing off your scalp in the process, scattering your nightclothes over your floor and managing to scrounge out a semi-decent outfit for the day… You still looked a mess. If the mirror could laugh, it would have. Black mascara smudges under your eyes and frizzy untreated hair. What a lovely look.

You’d made it to class just five minutes late, but those five minutes were all it took for all eyes to be on you as you tried to slide into the classroom unnoticed. A couple classmates whispered to their table mates as you passed by, smelling of oversaturated cherry blossom perfume to hopefully cover the scent of alcohol. You sauntered to your seat and sank down with all your weight, suddenly exhausted. You’d made it with just five minutes tainting your record of attendance. The teacher greeted you with a disappointed sigh, and thus, the day began.

But, it was so hard to focus. All you could think about was Nathan.

“Alright class, who can tell me,” A board stick clacks against the chalkboard. “Who can answer problem four?”

You lowered your head.

“Ah, how about, ___?”

You snaked back into reality, blinking up at the chalk board that was somehow already riddled with math equations. Since you hadn’t been paying attention even in the slightest, your mouth gaped wide open, eyes scanning for something you understood even slightly so you didn’t look like a total idiot.

Sadly, you were out of luck. The teacher shook his head. “I’m shocked,” He said. “You're normally so on top of things. Oh well.”

“Oh, I’m sure she was on top of things,” A female voice sniggered behind you “Last night.”

Your face flushed a red, hot, ruby. What the hell was she talking about? How had they found out you were with Nathan? You were so sure of being sneaky, there was no way-

“Her and Tate totally got it on last night.”

You whipped around in your seat, facing girls who looked to be clones of some sort. Both with the same dark eyes, short brown hair, and freckles. “What?”

“Alright-” Your teacher blurted. “That's enough. April, May, enough. Let’s not discuss things outside of the classroom.”

The two girls batted their eyes. “Sorry sir.” One spoke, twirling a hand through her hair. Her sister's wide toothy grin never fumbled.

“Back to it then. Kate, can you help out __ with number four?”

The small, blonde girl nodded quickly, brushing a lock of hair behind her eyes and offering an empathic nod.

As you turned around in your seat, her answer fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing in your chest, hands balled into fists while you stared ahead blankly.

They couldn’t seriously think that you chose to leave with Tate, could they? Surely someone must have seen the state you were in. Someone other than Nathan.

The clock ticks forward but time feels like it's passing almost unnaturally slow. With just 10 minutes left, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

‘Nathan: consider ur favor officially returned

Your tongue poked from your lips, the tiniest of smiles taking over your once sullen features. Terrible thoughts and worries flew out the window while you type back, ‘damn. here i was gonna to ask you to do a backflip off the roof with me. there goes my plans.’

Nathan types for a moment. Typing, stopping, typing again.

‘Nathan: soundz like a blast. where and when?’

A small blush heats your cheeks. ‘very funny. thanks to last night i have an entire 24 hour session of studying to catch up with.’

His response is almost instant. ‘Nathan: boringgg. txt me when ur fun.’

Rolling your eyes, you shove your phone back into your pocket. It seems you’ve been able to secure enough of a friendship with him for some mindless banter even outside your little visits. You smile. He’s… Fun to talk to. Surprisingly.

Class comes to an end and you start to pack up the books and papers you’d hardly even glanced at the whole period. Whatever had been upsetting you before is lost in your mind while you think of the morning, the night before. All the things in-between. But, your happiness doesn’t last long. As you get up, you’re almost forced right back into your seat as a weight shoves into your shoulder. Your books scatter to the floor. April, the one who’d remarked about you earlier, glares at you in what looks to be disgust.

“Careful April,” Her sister hums as she saunters past you, keeping distance and raising her already shrill tone of voice. “Might wanna watch where you’re walking- I’d hate for you to catch something from this slut.”

You absolutely gawk at her. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

April scoffs. “Oh come on, like everyone doesn’t know what you were up to last night.”

“Sleeping around isn’t a good color on you.” May hikes her bag over her shoulder and snickers at you. They both leave the class together, sickeningly in sync. You’re left stunned where you stand, unsure how the hell your life came to this so quickly. How you’ve stooped so low that the daughters of the world's most uncreative parents are able to bully you based on something that didn’t even happen.

Next class goes no better. The person to your right, a jockey looking brunette guy, asks, ‘have you ever heard of a Tate?’. You say no, that that’s the dumbest name you’ve ever heard. The idiot grins and goes back to marking down likely wrong answers on his test sheet and you debate kicking the leg of his chair out- but you don’t to avoid even more eyes on you. It makes you sick to your stomach- even more than recovering from the roofies does. How can everyone believe it? You barely even knew the guy and you were clearly uncomfortable with his advances. No one saw that?

After everything you’d worked for to build a reputation, trying so hard to not call out peoples shit for the sake of seeming friendly, tainted over something that didn’t even happen? And the kicker was that it hadn’t even been your fault! He’d drugged you, he’d have taken advantage of you! Yet you were the bad person?

Class came and went in the blink of an eye this time. Your mind wrapped up in the situation, your stomach churning. You wanted the day to be over with but you still had 4 more classes to suffer through. Why was this happening to you? Was Tate being treated just as horribly, or was he getting pats on the backs of his unaware friends?

Wandering down the halls to your locker, you noticed Lance and Kaz hanging around one of the drinking fountains. Your nerves quelled- your friends would surely make you feel much better. Especially since they had witnessed how awful you were feeling as you left. You approach with a relieved smile, ready to say your truth and finally have someone on your side.

“Hey guys.” You smile, but Lance looks down at his feet while Kaz places her hands to his hips. Your smile fades.

“You could have told us you were gonna spend the night with Tate,” Kaz snaps. “You didn’t need to lie like that just to leave. We were all worried about you and it was for nothing.”

“What?” You feel like you could cry. “No, Kaz, I really did try to leave. Tate tried to drug me and take me home, and-”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Lance interrupts, with a frown. He looks back down at the floor with knitted brows. “I’ve known Tate since before time. He wouldn't do something like that, especially not to one of my best friends. Plus he told me he was really into you. Why would he even try?”

“Are you serious?” You sputter. “You think I’d lie about something like that?”

“You’ve been lying about all sorts of things!” Kaz huffs. “What’s going on with you lately? You’ve been so distant, and secretive. What are you hiding that’s making you lie like this? We’re supposed to be your friends and then you lie to our faces just to go and fuck the first guy that shows you attention.”

“What…?” It was like acid. It was like the rug had been pulled from your feet sending you spiraling down the unending cliff. Kaz, your best friend, all that venom. How could they turn against you like this? What the hell is going on? You felt your throat tighten. “Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been distant, but I’m not lying to you, I-”

“We gotta go.” Lance isn’t in the mood to hear it. “We’ll catch up to you.. Some other time.”

Kaz says nothing as she pushes past you. Lance, at least, spares a short glance over his shoulder. You stood there alone in the hallway, your bag falling off your shoulder and clattering onto the floor with a thud echoing off the walls. Everything you had, all gone at once.

No one believed you.

---------

With nowhere to go where you felt like you could truly allow yourself to process the day's events, you went to the only place you knew.

Just outside of campus, where rocks lined the edge of the boundary, overlooking the outskirts of the town and the ocean stretching as far as the eye could see. You settled yourself there, staring at the vast waters and wondering how this had all happened. Unlucky didn’t even begin to cover how it felt. Not only did you feel violated with Tate attempting to do unthinkable things with your unconscious body, but you also felt alone, and walked on. Your best friends hadn’t believed you. While Lance seemed saddened, Kaz was so… Angry. Her words cut like knives into your skin.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. You didn’t deserve this.

You want to talk to Nathan, but knowing him, he’d see your state and bounce instantly. After all, this isn’t exactly very fun of you.

As the sun began to fall, splaying orange and blues over the wide open sky, behind you, you could hear voices. A group of them, some male, some female. Memories of when your notebook had gotten snatched by those two horsed face assholes came flooding back and with all your alertness, you stood up, and decided that this sitting place was no longer safe. Nothing was.

Before you even made it ten feet away, the group had found their way to your spot and gotten comfortable, one of the girls cheering, ‘this’ll be our hangout! look at how pretty the view is!’

You took a short drive down the stretches of road and decided that if you were going to lament in your own sadness, you were at least going to do so in a place that had something to cover the sound of your tears. Plus a nice view.

The beach, littered with its picnic tables and the sounds of crashing waves would suffice just fine. So, you pulled in the desolate parking lot and wandered down the sandy shores until you stumbled upon a picnic table shaded by a large willow cascading lushious branches to block out the sun- a perfect canopy for you to wallow under.

You had nothing at that moment. No friends, no reputation, no one to believe your tragic tale. And now, you’d just lost the one spot that made you feel comfortable when stress was building into your body like concrete. Tears pricked into the corners of your eyes and you bit your lip, dreading that feeling of a lump in your throat. Why you? Everything had been going so well. How could not even a single person believe that Tate had tried to hurt you?

Well, actually, there was one person.

Of course Nathan believed you. He’d been the one to rescue you, after all. Time and time again it seemed. How was it that even the ones closest to you would turn their back so fast, yet Nathan seemed to be there even when you didn’t want him to be? Even when you yelled at him, and he yelled right back, fire and sparks falling into embers around the two of you.

In that moment, you almost felt like you could finally relate to him. A reputation based on lies and things out of your control, paired with a hardheaded attitude to try and combat all the assumptions.

No wonder he was so angry.

“Hey bitch,” A voice suddenly called, and you had a split second moment where you were terrified of once again being the victim of a cruel prank or some classmates boredom. “How about next time you have a pity party you don’t fucking call me in the middle of it.”

You blinked away your tears and through the blurriness saw a figure coming towards you. All that sass, the tone...

“Nathan?” You breathed. It only takes moments before he’s in front of you, holding his phone in view, seeing that the call that had been running for nearly ten minute. You flush in embarrassment, pulling your phone from your back pocket. “How did that happen?”

“Well, can your ass dial numbers?” He taunts, ending the call.

“Damn it, dumb phone must have butt-dialed you. I knew I should’ve gotten a different one.” You mentally kick yourself. “It must have unlocked in my pocket.”

“You don’t have a password on your phone?” He taunts. When you shake your head, he whistles. “You are just begging for a robbery. I’ll keep that in mind when I’m in the mood to send random messages to all your buddies.”

“Fuck off.” You scowl, and he grins, hopping up on the picnic table next to you. The sun flatters his skin. He’s almost glowing.

“Speaking of buddies, how the hell did it pick my number out of your sea of friends?”

You shrug. “Probably cuz’ it’s a priority contact.”

“Oh lala, I’ve been upgraded to priority huh? Does it display a superman logo whenever you give it a ring?”

“Nope. When I press call it rings the nearest asshole in my vicinity. The fact that it’s you is your own problem.”

“Haha, fucking ha.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He stares out at the water, watching waves pull and crash onto the beach. It’s almost beautiful, until he ruins it. “Yknow, you’re a really ugly crier.”

“Wow, thanks.” You shake your head. “That's exactly what I needed to hear right now. Why did you even stay on the line?.” Wiping your eyes, you start to forget your tears. “Couldn’t have been that wild of a conversation.”

Nathan shrugs. “Between the crying and the sound of the waves it was pretty nice.” He grins. “Very educational.”

“Awesome. Glad I was able to make your day.” It doesn’t feel like your usual bitey remarks. You’re tired, you’re still a little hurt and you can’t stop thinking about how such an amazing morning had turned into such a horrible day.

“So what’s got you all fucked up? Never seen you act like this big of a baby before.”

“Nothing. You already paid off your debt to me per this morning, so feel free to resume our regularly scheduled mutual hatred.” You say, lying through your teeth. You know you’re both past the point of hatred, but you’re feeling jaded, you can’t help it.

“Oh shut the fuck up,” He groans. “I didn’t drag my ass all the fucking way out to this shit hole of a beach just for you to give me that bullshit. What, did you fail a test? No one matched you on tinder?”

“Everyone thinks me and Tate slept together last night.” You blurt. “I think he’s telling people me and him had sex.”

Nathan tenses his shoulders and grimaces. “Fucking werido.”

“I told my best friends that he tried to take advantage of me and they don’t believe me. One of em’ even said he wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Fuck em’. Who needs best friends.”

“And to make everything so much better, these two bitches that I share four of my classes with harassed me all goddamn day. I mean, fucks sake, how the hell are girls named April and May of all things able to get to me. It’s bullshit. And to make matters worse, Tate is just… Getting away with it.”

“Yeah well, something tells me that Tate’s gonna get a real nice fucking taste of medicine eventually. I just gotta find him first. He’s got a lot of nerve spreading shit around given I knocked his ass onto the pavement.” Nathan brows knit at the memory.

You test the waters. “Why would you do that for me?”

He seems caught off guard, or maybe, surprised that you’d ask. Maybe he thinks you’re both beyond that point. He grumbles, “Why does it matter.”

“I’m just curious. We don’t owe each other anything, remember?”

“Yeah, well,” He huffs. “Don’t ask me questions to shit I don’t know the answer to.”

“You say that an awful lot.” You tease.

“Yeah well you ask dumbass questions an awful lot. Not everything I do has to have some weird ass motives behind it, ___. Maybe I’ve got beef with Tate that’s outside of you.”

“Uhuh. Sure.” You’re about to say something else, when your phone lights up with a text. The display makes your heart fall all over again.

Unknown Number: you should just pack up and go somewhere else. no one wants std’s from breathing your air xoxo

You don’t even know who that is. Now absolute strangers are on your case. You want to throw your phone into the ocean and leave.

Nathan scoffs. “Don’t even bat a fucking eye for that bitch, whoever the hell they are. Half the hoes you’ve mentioned have slept with half the football team,” he pinches his jacket, “and I would know.”

“Ew, Nathan,” You grimace, that same feeling from the morning returning. It feels, oddly, like jealousy. He nudges your arm with his elbow and grins playfully. It’s cute.

“Chill, I’m just fucking with you. You gotta know even I wouldn’t fuck girls that desperate. I’m a man of class.”

That last comment actually forces a laugh from you. It’s soft, but it’s real. The first laugh you’ve genuinely had all day. “That’s horrible.” You remark, giggling again.

It's almost like the slight restoration of your mood puts him at ease as well. He leans back on his hands and stares off into the ocean, those sparkling waters under the setting, orange sun. “I’m for real though. Those hoes aren’t worth your time. One day when we blow this shithole of a town they’re not even gonna matter.”

Your brows knit, eyes blinking up at him. Had you heard that right?

“We?” You ask, perplexed, albeit a little… Hopeful.

Nathan sputters. “Well- Like, when everyone’s older and-”

“You know what, it's fine.” You interrupt. “Fuck it. You’re right. We’re gonna blow this town and they’re just gonna be some shitty memories.”

He sucks in a shaky breath. You’ve never heard him scramble like that, like he’s been unmasked. The look he casts you when you agree, when you don’t tease or patronize and finally hop on the idea that yeah, what if the two of you really didn’t have to deal with it anymore.

What if the two of you could just exist, without the anger.

You look up at him. “Would you actually do that though?” You start. “With me, of all people?”

He swallows. His expression is tense, but he’s not upset. He appears nervous, caught off guard. Nathan tries, “I-”

Your phone rings. Shrill, piercing. Mood destroying.

“Jesus Christ, it’s my mom.” You grab your phone and Nathan looks forward, stone faced and silent as you hop off the table and answer. It’s your mother, who all but shouts into the phone that her and your father are taking a surprising visit to Arcadia Bay while they’re traveling by on their vacation. She insists that you be ready in about an hour for dinner, and likely there will be family photos.

Which means if you still look as wrecked as you did this morning, you’re gonna have a lot of washing up to do. With a quick goodbye, a short and sweet, ‘love you’, you hang up and sigh.

“You still tell your mom you love her?” He teases. “What are you, five?”

You frown. “You don’t tell your parents you love them?”

Nathan side eyes you, and just shrugs. It is all the answer you need, really, and for his sake you decide it wouldn’t be best to press the issue. Not now. But- it still makes your heart hurt just a little. You wished that he’d had it better growing up.

“Right… Do you want a ride home?”

“Fuck no, what am I,” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “a fucking girl scout?”

“I was just offering, weirdo.” When he doesn't get up, you feel like you’re missing out. Like if you stayed, maybe, just maybe, you’d get to know him a little better. “Hey, if you want, I can stay for a bit longer.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re needed elsewhere. But,” he shrugs. “I don’t know. Fuckin’... Text me or something. Or not, I don’t care either way.”

There’s a small warmth in your chest that rises to your cheeks. He wants you to text him. “Yeah,” You say. “If I’m feeling fun.”

And with that, you bid him farewell, beginning your descent to the parking lot.

“Hey,” He calls, and you turn just in time to catch a small item he’s tossed right at you. A tiny key resides in the palm of your hand. “Spare. If shit hits the fan again-...” He shrugs, and actually looks away. “Just don’t be too fucking loud of I’ll kick your ass out myself. No Madison needed.”

The widest grin plays over your lips. “I’m gonna re-decorate your room while you’re gone.”

“Ah, you fucking better not.” He shouts. “Actually- you know what, give it back.”

“No, no! I’m sorry.” You play with the key between your fingers. “Thanks for this.”

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t lose it and remember- emergencies only. I don’t need you watching me sleep like fucking freak. We’re past that stage.”

“How many times will I have to say I was never watching you. Christ… But, alright. See ya, then.” The key is heavy in your palm.

You place it into your pocket and give him one last glance before you take off, leaving him to enjoy the sound of waves, birds, and the absence of your tears.

#nathan prescott #nathan prescott x reader #life is strange #grazing the fire #scenario #fanfic #fluff

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poptod · 3 years

Text

Will You? (Rami Malek x Reader)

Description: Meeting Rami in the back alley behind an awards show.

Notes: ugh ive been having writers block for the first time in like two years so ive only been writing short stuff. i have a couple fics backpiled for various rami characters so thats coming up! gender neutral as usual WC: 1.5k

Ugh.

How quickly it all became too much. You wondered, clutching your aching head, why you even came here; large parties were never your scene, public events even less so. A world-wide broadcasted movie awards event was nothing near anything you'd done before. Earlier in the day, as you were dressing and readying yourself for the evening, you stared into the mirror and wondered then, as well, what you were doing.

Maybe––probably––it had to do with the fact that one of your favorite actors' presence was assured, and you rarely ever visited New York, making this the first time you'd been in the right place at the right time to have the opportunity to do this. You steeled yourself then and you steeled yourself now, digging into your clutch bag to pull out a carton of cigarettes.

You fumbled with the cigarette as you reached back in, searching for your lighter. A frustrated grumble grew in your mouth and came out as a curse. With a harsh sigh you yanked your hand out, throwing it up into the air, and sitting with a thud on a wooden box laying by the side of a large trash bin. You rubbed your face harshly, attempting to wipe away the irritation. To no avail––you had no lighter, and your nerves were itching, teeming with aggravation that crawled like bugs beneath your skin. You needed this and the world didn't like you.

The door you'd left the building from opened once more, swinging shut with a loud clanking sound that seemed to echo in the vacant alleyway. Drops of water fell into the puddles at your feet, still present from the earlier rain, and now filled with bits of trash. The very same water almost splashed onto you as a car passed by, its' wheels revving and spinning away through a massive puddle. It must've been midnight, but assholes were still awake as well, and the city lights showed no sign of stopping.

This was why you only visited New York City.

"Here," someone with a deep, rough voice spoke, and you looked up to find a vein-filled hand balancing a blue lighter between the second and third fingers.

There weren't any active lights in the alleyway, but the puddles reflected the street lights that stood a few meters away. That was enough to recognize him when you glanced to his face.

Rami fucking Malek.

He turned almost the second you looked up at him, meaning he didn't catch the sudden, stumbling recognition that flooded your expression. Thankfully, you had the time to calm yourself before he sat down across from you on a dirty (and probably wet) stool.

"Thank you," you said, lighting your cigarette and breathing in the sweet smoke before you said anything else. "You're a lifesaver."

"No, I just have a smoking problem," he said.

You both laughed, softly, and looked away.

You took another drag.

"You're Rami Malek, aren't you?" You said through the smoke that escaped you. It was rough on your throat, but you didn't especially care anymore. Somehow, you remembered a flask of water––just not the lighter.

"Yeah," he said with another soft, bashful, chuckle.

"I like your work. Or, your style," you mumbled as you tapped the ashy end away. He might've been a star of your dreams, and mere images of him might've taken your breath away, but you would treat him like a regular person. "It's.. unique, but familiar."

"Thank you," he said, nodding, a charming grin on his face. "May I ask your name?"

"(Y/N)." You shifted in your seat as you looked down. An ounce of humor came to you once you said, "you won't recognize the name."

"No, but I'm happy to recognize it in the future," he said, tilting his head in your direction.

You broke out in a laugh and a wide, blushing grin, shaking your head. God, he looked good in a suit––all black. Silver in his lapel. His neck revealed colored veins that led up to a jawline that would surely cut you. Why was he talking to you? Why was he being nice?

"You're a charmer," you finally said through your giggling, continuing with, "do you want some?" before he could say anything.

You handed the cigarette to him and he took it, pursing his lips and letting go with a puff of smoke. Even in the hot, humid air, those clouds coalesced and drifted away just as usual.

"You're not an actor," he stated, his eyes fixed on the cigarette as he tapped the ashes away. "Not here for that, so why are you here? Just out of curiosity."

"That's... a very good question," you said with an exasperated laugh. "I'm a teacher, I don't know what I'm doing here."

"Teacher?" He repeated. "My brother's one of those. What d'you teach?"

He handed the cigarette back to you.

"Third graders," you grumbled. He sucked in a sharp breath in a wince. "I usually do first graders, but not this year."

"That's rough, I've heard those are demonic years," he said, earning a laugh from you.

"Yeah, that's a good way of putting it," you said as you doted on the cigarette. "I guess this is just the first time I've visited New York when an awards show is happening."

"How do you like the big screen life so far?"

"Not very much, but I never thought I would," you said quietly, but he still chuckled. "I... I did think about being an actor, when I was a kid. I think a lot of kids do these days, though. Actors are.. like the new Gods. You know, in ancient times people would worship idols, and that's what people call you now..." you met his gaze and couldn't tear yourself from it, "... idols. Images of something to strive for."

He nodded, his brow creased in deep thought.

"After a while the world shows you what celebrity life is really like, and you read all sorts of things, see how people change... eventually you don't really want it anymore," you said, shrugging. "Or you decide you want it, or want part of it despite the other stuff."

He nodded again but had little to say despite being a celebrity himself.

"Which was it for you?"

"Hm?"

A spell broke over his eyes and he appeared to return to normal, having not heard or comprehended your words.

"Did you become an actor because you wanted all of it, with the bad parts, or you wanted a specific part and still became an actor despite all the other things?"

"... complex question," he said after a moment, rocking his balance back and forth awkwardly as you laughed. "I wanted to become other people, transform myself into characters. I was attracted to the job. Not the other things attached to it."

"Well I'm glad you became an actor anyway," you said, relighting the cigarette with a quick drag. "That way I could meet you."

"And I could meet you, as well," he said in that same, deep voice he used when he first spoke to you.

You could do nothing but chuckle and cast your eyes down, shaking your head.

"Yeah, I guess you could," you mumbled.

He reached forward, snagging the cigarette from between your fingers. That made you look up, drawing your attention back to the subtle lines marking his face, and the glow of fire that revealed cool, green eyes behind thick lashes.

A loud wave of cheering came from inside the building, and the both of you looked back at the steel door. Still unopened.

"I should probably get inside, the cameras might notice my seat's empty," he said in a similar mumble.

The cigarette, now nothing more than a filter, dropped from his lips and fell to the ground, squashed beneath his shiny, black shoe.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Have to be," you said as you stood. "Not wasting a fifty dollar ticket on my damn social anxiety."

He chuckled and said, "I'd invite you to sit with me, but there aren't any free spots. How about..." He'd been opening the door, but he paused, causing you to misstep and halt yourself only when your chest was an inch from his. Your eyes darted up to his. "Come see me after the show. I have a '97 bottle of Montalcino at home that I think you'd enjoy."

You nearly choked on your own spit, but fortunately for you, it only came out as a cough and a clearing of the throat. 'What', almost escaped your mouth in the most astounded tone before you bit it back.

Was he propositioning you? Was this a friendly invitation? Why was, again, Rami fucking Malek asking to spend anymore time with you than he had to?

You realized a silence had spanned between you when his eyes flickered down to your lips, at which point shock fully brought you back into your body.

"Will you?" He asked hopefully.

"Yeah," you murmured. "I'd like that."

#rami malek x reader #rami malek

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meruz · 3 years

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once again i am answering asks in a big compilation post. included is... gotham, patrick stump, tips about drawing backgrounds, tips about drawing in general, links to my faq, and infinity train

like.... the tv series? No... I’ve drawn dc comics fanart before, though. But it’s been years since I’ve been really into it. I like jumped ship like 10 years ago when the New 52 happened LOL.

AFJHDSLKGH I’m sorry I (probably) won’t do it again??

Actually full disclosure I have a truly cringe amount of p stump drawings/photo studies in my sketchbook right now LOL. He’s just fun to draw... hats, glasses, guitar, a good shape... but I don’t think I’ll rly post those until I can hide them in another big sketchbook pdf.. probably Jan 2022. Stay tuned........ (ominous)

(ominous preview)

These are all sort of related to backgrounds/painting so I grouped them together even though they’re pretty much entirely separate questions.... ANYWAYS

a) How is it working as a BG artist? Is it hard? What show are you drawing for?

I think you’re the first person to ever ask me about my job! Being a background artist is great. It’s definitely labor intensive but I think that could describe pretty much any art job (If something were rote or easy to automate, you wouldn’t hire an artist to do it) and I hesitate to say whether its harder or easier than any other role in the animation pipeline. Plus, so much of what truly makes a job difficult varies from one production to the next, schedule, working environment, co-workers etc. But I will say that I think while BGs are generally a lot of work on the upfront, I think they’re subject to less scrutiny/revisions than something like character/props/effects design and you don’t have to pitch them to a room like boards. So I guess it’s good if you don’t like to talk to people? LOL

A lot of my previous projects + the show I’ve worked on the longest aren’t public yet so I can’t talk about em (but I assure you if/when the news does break I won’t shut up about it). But I’m currently working on Archer Season 12 LOL. I’m like 90% sure I’m allowed to say that.

b) ~~~THANK YOU!! ~~~

c) What exactly do you like to draw most [in a background]?

@kaitomiury Lots of stuff! I really like to draw clutter! Because it’s a great opportunity for environmental storytelling and also you can be kind of messy with it because the sheer mass will supersede any details LOL.

I like to draw clouds... I like to draw grass but not trees lol,,, I like to draw anything that sells perspective really easily like tiled floors and ceilings, shelves, lamp posts on a street etc.

d) Do you have any tips on how to paint (observational)?

god there’s so much to say. painting is really a whole ass discipline like someone can paint their whole life and still discover new things about it. I guess if you’re really just starting out my best advice is that habit is more important than product. especially with traditional plein air painting, I find that the procedure of going outside and setting up your paints is almost harder than the actual painting. There’s a lot of artists who say “I want to do plein air sometime!!” and then never actually get around to doing it. A lot of people just end up working from google streetview or photos on their computer.

But going outside to paint is a really good challenge because it forces you to make and commit to lighting and composition decisions really quickly. And to work through your mistakes instead of against them via undo button.

My last tip is to check out James Gurney’s youtube channel because hes probably the best and most consistent resource on observational painting out there rn. There’s lots other artists doing the same thing (off the top of my head I know a lot of the Warrior Painters group has people regularly posting plein air stuff and lightbox expo had a Jesse Schmidt lecture abt it last year) but Gurney’s probably the most prolific poster and one of the best at explaining the more technical stuff - his books are great too.

e) Do you have tips for drawing cleanly on heavypaint?

@marigoldfool UMM LOL I LIKE ONLY USE THE FILL TOOL so maybe use the fill tool? Fill and rectangle are good for edge control as opposed to the rest of the heavy paint tools which can get sort of muddles. And also I use a stylus so maybe if you’re using your finger, find a stylus that works with your device instead. That’s all I’ve got, frankly I don’t think my drawings are particularly clean lol.

f) Tips on improving backgrounds/scenes making them more dynamic practicing etc?

Ive given some tips about backgrounds/scenes before so I’m not gonna re-tread those but here’s another thing that might be helpful...

I think a good way to approach backgrounds is to think of the specific story or even mood you want to convey with the background first. Thinking “I just need to put something behind this character” is going to lead you to drawing like... a green screen tourist photo backdrop. But if you think “I need this bg to make the characters feel small” or “I need this bg to make the world feel colorful” then it gives you requirements and cues to work off of.

If I know a character needs to feel overwhelmed and small, then I know I need to create environment elements that will cage them in and corner them. If a character needs to feel triumphant/on top of the world then I know I need to let the environment open up around them. etc. If I know my focal point/ where I want to draw attention, I can build the background around that.

Also, backgrounds like figure compositions will have focal points of their own and you can draw attention to it/ the relationship the characters have with the bg element via scale or directionality or color, any number of cues. I think of it almost as a second/third character in a scene.

Not every composition is gonna have something so obvious like this but it helps me to think about these because then the characters feel connected and integrated with the environment.

Some more general art questions

a) Do you have any process/tips to start drawing character/bodies/heads?

I tried to kind of draw something to answer this but honestly this is difficult for me to answer because I don’t think I’m that great at drawing characters LOL. Ok, I think I have two tips.

1) flip your canvas often. A lot about what makes human bodies look correct and believable is symmetry and balance. Even if someone has asymmetrical features, the body will often pull and push in a way to counterbalance it. we often have inherent biases to one side or another like dominant hands dominant eyes etc. you know how right-handed artists will often favor drawing characters facing 45 degrees facing (the artist’s) left? that’s part of it. so viewing your drawing flipped even just to evaluate it helps compensate for that bias and makes you more aware of balance.

2) draw the whole figure often. I feel like a lot of beginner artists (myself included for a long time) defer to just drawing headshots or busts because it’s easier, you dont have to think about posing limbs etc. But drawing a full body allows you to better gauge proportion, perspective, body language, everything that makes a character look believable and grounded.

Like if you (me) have that issue where you draw the head too big and then have to resize it to fit the proportions of the rest of the body, it’s probably because you (I) drew the head first and are treating the body as an afterthought/attachment. Sketching out the whole figure first or even just quick drawing guides for it will help you think of it more holistically. I learned this figure drawing in charcoal at art school LOL.

oh. third mini tip - try to draw people from life often! its the best study. if you can get into a figure drawing/nude drawing class EVEN BETTER and if you have a local college/art space/museum that hosts those for free TREASURE IT AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, that’s a huge boon that a lot of artists (me again) wish they had. though if youre not so lucky and youre sitting in a park trying to creeper draw people and they keep moving.. don’t let that stop you! that’s good practice because it’s forcing you to work fast to get the important stuff down LOL. its a challenge!

b) I’ve been pretty out of energy and have had no inspiration to draw but I have the desire to. Any advice?

Dude, take a walk or something.... Or a nap? Low energy is going to effect everything else so you gotta hit that problem at its source.

If you’re looking for inspiration though, I’d recommend stuff like watching a movie, reading a book, playing video games etc. Fill up your idea bank with content and then give yourself time/space to gestate it into new concepts. Sometimes looking at other art works but sometimes it can work against you because it’s too close.

Also something that helps me is remembering that art doesn’t always have to be groundbreaking... like it’s okay to make something shitty and stupid that you don’t post online and only show to your friend. That’s all part of the process imo. If you want to hit a home run you gotta warm up first, right? Sports.

I should probably compile everytime i give tips on stuff like this but that’s getting dangerously close to being a social media artist who makes stupid boiled down art tutorials for clout which is the last thing i want to be... the thing I want to stress is that art is a whole visual language and there are widely agreed upon rules and customs but they exist in large part to be broken. Like there's an infinite number of ways to reach an infinite number of solutions and that’s actually what makes it really cool and personal for both the artist and the viewer. So when you make work you like or you find someone else’s work you like, take a step back and ask yourself what about it speaks for you, what about it works for you, what makes it effective, how to recreate that effect and how to break that effect completely, etc. And have a good time with it or else what’s the point.

for the first 2, I direct you to my FAQ

For the last one, I don’t actually believe I’ve ever addressed artwork as insp for stories/rp but I’ll say here and now yeah go ahead! As long as you’re not making profit or taking credit for my work then I’m normally ok with it. Especially anything thats private and purely recreational, that’s generally 100% green light go. I only ask that if you post it anywhere public that you please credit me.

(and I reserve the right to ask you to take it down if I see it and don’t approve of it’s use but I think that case is pretty rare.)

a) @lemuelzero101 Thank you!!! I haven’t played Life is Strange but actually that series’ vis dev artist Edouard Caplain is one of my bigger art inspirations lately so that’s a really high compliment lol. And yeah I hope we get 5-8 too...!

b) Thank you for sticking around! I’ve been thinking about Digimon and Infinity Train in tandem lately, actually. They’re a little similar? Enter a dangerous alternate world and have wacky adventures with monsters/inanimate objects that have weird powers... there’s like weird engineers and mechanisms behind the scenes... also frontier literally starts with them getting on a train. Anyways if anyone else followed me for digimon... maybe you’d like Infinity Train? LOL

c) @king-wens-king I’M GLAD MY ART JUST HAS PINOY VIBES LOL I hope you are having a good day too :^)

a, b, c, d) yessss my Watch Infinity Train agenda is working....

e) aw thank you!! i think you should watch infinity train :)

#ask #trying this new thing where i tag people in the body of the post instead

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 3 years

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All Men Have Limits - IV

Character: Dick Grayson x Reader x Bruce Wayne

Summary: A certain bat believes that Y/N is in way over her head, that she’s too naive to act in her best interest. So, whether she wants it or not, the vigilante family is going to help and protect her before she gets herself killed.

Word Count: 3,800+

Previously on…

As Y/N packed her bags, she was also brainstorming her route once she got to her safe house. She’s just stay there for a couple of nights. Then she’d leave town. Gotham wasn’t safe for her right now. And if she was out of city limits, The Court of Owls had less influence. Though she didn’t doubt they’d send an assassin to the other side of the world to hunt her down.

Y/N looked around her extravagant room.

She doubted she’d ever be back here.

Things were getting…complicated.

It was a cruel reminder for why she kept to herself. People meant drama. Drama meant distractions. And distractions meant she wasn’t focused on the task at hand – which was bringing down the corrupt.

Y/N was just zipping up her duffle when there was a knock on her door.

“Come in!” She turned to see Dick walking in.

He eyed her bag. “What are you doing?”

“I was just about to go pack up my equipment in the cave.”

“No, you’re not. You’re staying here,” he confirmed.

She gave him a repulsed look. “Uhh…No, I am not. This mansion is about to be flooded with unidentified members of The Court.”

“Sure is,” Dick smirked. “But I have a solution.”

He held out his hand to show a bracelet. It looked expensive. The band was gold but there was a giant garnet gemstone at the center of it.

Dick handed it to Y/N.

“You shouldn’t have?” Y/N asked with confusion.

“I called in a favor with an old friend. She’s a magician.”

Y/N tried not to laugh, “A magician?”

Dick gave her a playful glare. “Yeah, a magician. But it’s not tricks and gimmicks. She knows actual magic.” He tapped the gemstone. “When you wear this, you’ll look like a different person. It’s a cloaking spell.”

“Why didn’t you guys suggest this right away?”

Dick sighed. “Bruce isn’t fond of metas and…magic.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier for me to just leave?”

“I would rather have you in disguise with our eyes on you, than have you out of reach,” he explained softly. “When you’re wearing this, all of us will still be able to see the real you. But not anyone else.”

“I don’t want to go to this stupid gala. I’ll just wear this and stay in my room or the cave.”

“Well…that’s the other part,” Dick cleared his throat awkwardly. “You’re gonna be my date.”

Y/N blinked in surprise. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone asked her on any kind of date. Not that Dick even asked. He more so told her.

“That wasn’t exactly a request, Dick.”

“Everyone knows everyone. If you’re by yourself, people will ask too many questions. But if you’re my date, no one will think twice why you’re there.”

“I-I don’t have anything to wear…”

Dick laughed lightly. “Alfred already sent out for a dress and shoes for you.”

“…why do I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?”

“Come on, Y/N. You know it’s not like that.”

Y/N remained annoyed.

“I’ll be here at your door around 8 tonight, k?” Dick gave her a soft smirk.

“Fine.”

———————

This was just another night for Dick. He’d been dragged to enough of these stupid galas to know the drill: wide smiles, forced laughter, and lay the charm on real thick. With the way this family handled their identities, they could’ve been a family of actors instead of vigilantes.

Dick straightened his cufflinks as he made his way to Y/N’s room.

He could hear the murmur’s of the guest from the ballroom, proving just how many people were attending for the sound to reach him in such a giant manor.

There was a part of Dick that half expected Y/N to be in her usual baggy sweaters and leggings when he opened the door. A silent protest that she wasn’t going to be anyone’s arm candy tonight.

Dick knew he didn’t give her much choice.

When his family had been discussing the situation, Dick tried to off to stay hidden out of sight with Y/N. But Alfred was having none of it. They all knew he took these events rather seriously. Especially one that was started and named after Bruce’s mother.

Dick knocked and turned his back to the door, he double checked there were no guests exploring where they shouldn’t be.

When the door opened, Dick turned around and was stunned to silence.

“Is this bracelet working on you or do I really look that bad?”

Y/N shifted as he stared at her like she’d cast a spell on him.

Dick was seeing Y/N. That was for sure.

“I see the dress fit,” he finally spoke.

What the hell was the matter with him? That’s really what he chose to say?

Though Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at the comment. “That it does.”

Dick woke up a bit and cleared his throat. “You look…beautiful.”

He never had a problem charming women. So why is he suddenly talking like a total cave man?

“Don’t look so surprised,” Y/N call him out teasingly. “Just because I dress like a scrub every day doesn’t mean I don’t know how to clean up.”

His brow furrowed at the first comment. “You’ve never looked like a scrub, Y/N.”

OK. OK. He was getting back to his normal self.

“Well…” Y/N broke eye contact from her bashfulness. “Thank you.”

Dick held out the hook of his arm. “Shall we?”

Y/N inhaled, “Right.”

As soon as she hooked her hand onto Dick’s bicep, a wave of relief washed over her. She wasn’t doing this alone; she was doing this with him at her side.

“So, what’s the the plan here?” Y/N asked nervously.

“The plan is to blend in. Don’t talk to any press. And…” He smirked. “It wouldn’t hurt to try and have a good time.”

“Right. I’ll try to do that while I’m in a room possibly filled with people who want me dead…” Y/N sighed.

“Not ‘possibly.’ There will be.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. “Way to make me feel better, Dick.”

He laughed. “You’ll be fine. I’ll be with you the whole time. Damian, Tim, and Bruce will be there, too. And somehow Alfred convinced Jason to even make an appearance. You’re not in this alone, Y/N.”

“Mhmm,” Y/N answered as they arrived to the party. She didn’t bother hiding that she was still extremely nervous and on edge.

“I did really mean it,” Dick told her quietly.

His tone made Y/N tear her eyes away from the party to look at him. “Really mean what?”

“You look beautiful.”

His words didn’t fumble this time. He was confident and clear, leaving no room for doubt or insincerity.

Y/N gave him a shy smile.

“I’m guessing a drink would make this a bit easier, huh?” Dick offered.

“Yes. Yes, it would.”

Dick guided her to the nearest bar.

All the staff knew what the Wayne family looked like. Which meant the bartended skipped over all other guests and b-lined for Dick when he requested a drink, and then looked to Y/N to order what she wanted.

There was loud laughter from a group of people near them. Followed by a voice that Y/N thought she knew, but still sounded a bit off.

When Y/N looked over, she realized it was Bruce talking to a group of guests, who were absolutely fawning over him. He was smiling and laughing, and taking very frequent sips of his drink.

This was Bruce Wayne: the character. Charming playboy, debatable narcissist, and spoiled brat. But in the eyes of Gotham’s elite, he could do no wrong.

Y/N wondered if Bruce had ever considered bringing her as his date. ‘Don’t you start,’ said a voice inside her head.

Dick followed her eye line.

“Doesn’t it make you nauseous watching him like this?” Y/N mumbled.

“Not Dick. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Jason answered.

Dick and Y/N turned to see Jason and Damian.

Yes, Dick adopted Bruce’s charm. But he didn’t rip himself into pieces, building characters that were unrecognizable to the people who actually knew him. Dick’s charm was a part of his personality. His flirtations came naturally. But he only used them on people he intended on building a genuine connection with. (Though Nightwing was guilty of using said charm on targets during missions a few times.)

Y/N looked around for Tim and saw him talking to what appeared to be serious businessman. He was the only one carrying on the legacy at Wayne Enterprises. If any of the boys needed to be here, it was Tim.

“Shouldn’t you guys be making rounds or something?” Y/N asked.

Jason shrugged. “People only cared about us when we were cute kids. Now we’re just spoiled adults who are the product of nepotism.” He smirked down at Damian. “But this one isn’t out of the clear yet.”

“Don’t remind me,” Damian groaned. “At the last one, a woman pinched my cheeks as if I was some toddler.”

“I thought I was about to watch him murder someone,” Dick added.

“I wanted to,” Damian clarified.

Dick started talking to Jason about something.

It provided Y/N the perfect window with the youngest Wayne.

“I’ll sneak you alcohol if you do a mercy killing for me,” she offered Damian.

The boy looked amused but gave no indication that a deal was made.

“Your date that awful?” Jason teased as he smirked at Dick, who ignored him.

“Do you have the hearing of a dog? Fuckin’ Christ.”

The four of them stuck together for most of the night. Tim would touch base with them every so often. But he kept getting dragged away by board members or partners or anyone that wanted to kiss the ass of the future head of Wayne Enterprises.

Dick and Y/N were laughing at Jason about something when Dick’s face suddenly fell as he spotted something on the other side of the room.

“God damn it, Damian.” Dick hissed as he put his drink down on the nearest counter. He turned to Y/N. “I’ll be right back. Stay here.”

Y/N just nodded.

But then Jason seemed to spot the youngest brother as well.

“I should probably help him and do some damage control,” Jason sighed.

Y/N laughed and nodded for him to go ahead.

“Now you can see why I avoid these shit shows.”

She laughed but pushed him away, “Go help Dick.”

Now that Y/N was alone, her senses was hyper focused on the party around her.

As she reached for her drink, she noticed that her surrounding area had gone eerily quiet. And she felt far too many eyes on her. There were hushed whispers and even gasps.

“Would you care to dance?” A voice asked from behind her.

Y/N’s entire body tensed.

She turned to see Bruce waiting patiently for her response.

But the look on his face was that of a man she didn’t know.

Bruce had a charming glitter in his eyes and his smirk was arrogant.

Y/N looked around at their audience, then at the dance floor. She was desperately trying to remember the last time she danced with someone.

“Umm…I don’t really know how–” her words came out so slowly.

“How to dance?” Bruce offered.

Y/N nodded.

“You just need a good partner,” he reassured her as he held out a hand.

‘What a fucking line,’ Y/N thought as she tried not to roll her eyes. She half expected him to add a wink.

Bruce guided her to the center of the dance floor and then pulled her closer with his right hand while his left wrapped around her hand.

Y/N wasn’t expecting him to pull her so close, but their body’s were now pressed together.

Bruce moved his mouth to her ear. “Relax,” he murmured.

“It’s hard to relax when you’re using me to set up your new flavor of the week,” she criticized. “Everyone is watching us.”

Bruce may be used to such scrutiny, but Y/N had zero experience with it. And it was safe to say she hated it.

“They’re not looking at me. They’re looking at you,” Bruce corrected.

“A woman who’s not even me. It’s just the dress.”

“I’m happy you like it, seeing as I picked it out,” he commented smugly.

Y/N’s chest tightened at the revelation.

“I see the real you right now, and that’s who I asked to dance.”

Y/N wanted to make a run for it. She didn’t want Bruce with an audience. She just wanted him to herself and she wanted him as he really was.

But her brain shut down for just this song and she followed her heart.

If Y/N concentrated hard enough, she could ignore all the invasive gawking. If she closed her eyes, it was just her and Bruce. So, Y/N tucked her head into his shoulder and let Bruce glide them across the floor.

Somehow she felt that Bruce was allowing himself this as well.

One song was not enough for what they both needed and wanted.

But Y/N would take what she could.

Though what she did not expect was to finally pull away to see Bruce looking utterly heartbroken. As if pulling away from her was the hardest thing he’d ever have to do. And for the first time, Y/N legitimately considered that Bruce might want the same thing as she did.

He’ll just never act on his feelings.

If Y/N had blinked, she could’ve missed the moment of honesty and vulnerability Bruce had colored all across his face – bleeding from his eyes.

Because, the next moment, the character was back.

As the party clapped for the band, someone called Bruce’s name. And their locked stare was broken.

And just like that, Y/N was snapped back to reality as if someone threw a bucket of freezing water over her.

Now that Bruce had moved on, no one bothered to keep their voices down. And the upperclass women of Gotham made it loud and clear that they were not pleased with Y/N’s presence.

“Seems he’s found his next prey.”

“She looks half his age, of course he would go for her. Typical man.”

“She’ll eventually learn like we all did.”

“I still say he was the best lay I ever had.”

“Remember when we both slept with him in the same week?”

Now Y/N wasn’t just brought back to reality – she was put in her place.

Before she could even realize what was happening to stop it, her eyes were filled with tears. She had to get out of there.

“Excuse me,” Y/N whispered desperately and she tried to push her way through the crowd.

As soon as she made it outside, she let out a gasp. The fresh air helped, but it wasn’t enough.

There wasn’t any guests outside, but Y/N didn’t feel a safe enough distance from the party. The gardens and maze were in her peripheral and it took her all of two seconds to decide that would be her safe haven.

She hurried through the maze and prayed that no drunken couples had tried to also sneak away from prying eyes.

But when Y/N reached the center of the maze, she was alone.

A fountain sat in the middle and the sound of its moving water calmed Y/N down a bit. But even that couldn’t stop her tears from finally escaping.

Y/N sat on the edge of the fountain as she tried to get a hold of herself. She could only imagine what this was doing her makeup that she spent an hour doing.

‘What a waste,’ she thought.

Her escape was short lived.

Dick called her name repeatedly from a distance.

Y/N panicked at the idea of him catching her crying. She quickly tried to hide any evidence of tears and pull herself together.

Dick finally caught up and let out a sigh of relief from behind her.

“Y/N, you can’t run off like that,” he tried to tell her.

He opened his mouth to lecture her further, but when he finally made it around the fountain and was facing her, his concern shifted.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Y/N struggled to speak without sounding nasally. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. You were crying.”

“I’m fine,” she tried to laugh. “Seriously, Dick.”

But he wasn’t having any of it. He moved to sit next to her on the edge of the fountain. Without hesitating, he wrapped an around her shoulder and pulled her into him.

“Come here,” he muttered softly.

Why did it feel so natural for him to do that? Like he’d done it a million times before?

He rubbed her arms. “Jesus. You’re freezing.”

Then he was taking off his suit jacket and putting it over her shoulders. But he didn’t miss a beat, quickly bringing her back into his arms again.

“Wanna tell me what’s got you so upset?” Dick asked after a few minutes of silently comforting her.

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid to me if it made you cry.”

Y/N took in a shaky breath, feeling like she was on the cusp of crying again. “I’m just like the rest of them.”

Dick waited, feeling like she needed to say more before he spoke.

“They were whispering terrible things. But it was everything I already knew. I’m just another stupid girl that managed to convince herself that she was different.”

Dick was silent as he processed his words. It wasn’t hard for him to know Y/N was talking about Bruce, even thought she never uttered his name.

“I’ve got an idea,” Dick announced. “Let’s ditch this stupid gala. Get out of these clothes. Put on some sweatpants. And I’ll have Alfred order us as much pizza and wings as you want.”

Now Y/N wanted to cry for a completely different reason.

Dick was the sweetest man she’d ever met.

“Sound like a plan?” He asked her when she didn’t respond and instead just stared into his blue eyes.

Y/N nodded.

“We can even invite my good-for-nothing brothers if that’ll make you happy.”

Her first instinct was to say yes. They all amused her beyond belief. Watching the way they all interacted with each other was like watching a reality show. And it was always obvious how much they loved each other deep down – even with Damian, who would rather die than admit such a thing.

But if all of them were included, who knew when Bruce would eventually make an appearance. And Y/N just didn’t think she could be in a room with him again tonight.

“Just you and me,” she clarified.

That seemed to please Dick and he nodded.

“Just you and me,” he confirmed as he offered her a hand up.

When they started walking back to the manor, Dick wrapped an arm around her shoulder, keeping her close to his side.

“I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to be completely honest with me,” but she said it through a smile.

Dick looked a bit nervous, but nodded. “Alright.”

“Do you know how to order takeout on your own?”

Dick threw his head back and laughed. “How dare you!”

He pinched her waist, making her yelp. But he didn’t let her escape his hold. “Yes, I do. In fact, when I’m at my own place, I live off takeout. And let me tell you, no one can order food quite like I can. Thank you very much.”

Once they reached the second floor of the manor, the two of them parted ways to changed out of their fancy clothes.

Y/N washed her face, scrubbing the layers of makeup off. But before she could rid herself of the evidence, she noticed the smeared mascara and eyeliner.

Words could not describe the relief of putting on baggy sweatpants and a hoodie and fluffy socks after wearing a fitted gown and high heels.

30 minutes later, just as promised, Dick was bringing up a huge pizza and a box of wings to Y/N’s bedroom.

They ate on the floor. Dick managed to light the fireplace that was in there, because Y/N didn’t know what to do with the thing. The television was on, but neither of them were watching it. It was simply white noise.

Two hours later, Y/N was laughing so hard at a story Dick was telling her that she had tears in her eyes and her stomach hurt.

“I don’t believe you!”

“I’m not kidding. Ask Jason. He took my clothes and I was ass naked, running through the streets of Gotham. I wanted to kill him.”

Y/N grabbed another wing and got sauce all over her face.

“What?” She asked when Dick was watching her with adoration. “Do I have sauce on my face?”

He tried to hide his smile. “Nope.”

She knew he was lying and then purposely smeared more sauce around her lips. “How about now? Do I have anything now?”

“No. Nothing.”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how attractive am I right now?” Y/N laughed as she wiped the sauce off her face with napkins.

“11,” Dick responded without hesitating.

The playfulness was sucked out of the room when they both heard how serious his tone was.

Y/N’s face went somber as she looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry I didn’t dance with you.” She laughed lightly, “I’m a lousy date, huh?”

“That’s not true,” he immediately shot down. “This is the most fun I’ve had…” His words died out when he realized he couldn’t even remember. “Well, it’s the most fun I’ve had in awhile.”

“Me too,” she replied with a quiet sweetness.

Through her full-body laughter, she had moved closer to Dick without realizing it.

He glanced at her lips. He just couldn’t help himself.

The thing about Dick wearing his heart on his sleeve was that it was nearly impossible for him to hide his feelings, his desires. It was all in those blue eyes of his, waiting to easily be read by someone.

And while Y/N looked at him looking at her, she felt beautiful. Because that was all Dick could possibly think as he stared at her.

Neither knew who leaned in first. Perhaps this was their dance that they weren’t able to have earlier.

But they made up for it by sharing an impassioned kiss now.

Dick’s lips were softer than Y/N expected. His hands gripped her waist possessively, making it very clear what he wanted – but still being ever so gentle and soft with his touches.

One of Dick’s hands moved from her waist up her back to tangle his fingers in her hair. He tugged on the strands and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.

They both could slightly taste the pizza and wings on each other’s lips, but neither of them cared at all.

The kiss didn’t last long enough for either of their liking.

But Y/N pulled away anyways, gasping for air a bit.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” he whispered through hooded eyes as he brushed some hair away from her face. “I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile,” he added with a smirk.

But Y/N wasn’t really sorry about the kiss.

She was sorry because she knew that things were far more complicated than ever.

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Part V

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Please, please, please write me a book report of what he thought of this chapter. It will be your VDay gift to me 😘

#all men have limits part 4 #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne reader insert #bruce wayne x reader x dick grayson #dick grayson x reader #dick grayson reader insert #batfam #dick grayson x reader x bruce wayne #batman x reader #nightwing x reader #batboys #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #nightwing

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