#this is the first time ive drawn them before!! i think i did okay :)
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fantasy au aleenadette!!! i love them sm :]]
bernie's a werehog and aleena's a fae!! ill definitely post more about this au when i get the chance >:D
#this is the first time ive drawn them before!! i think i did okay :)#i really wanna post more about this au but i keep forgetting to draw stuff for it and i am NOT writing anything. i refuse to.#anyways. fun fact. this was supposed to be sonic and shadow#then i decided it should be yuri#ill draw fantasy sonadow some other time lmao#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#aleena the hedgehog#queen aleena#bernadette the hedgehog#aleenadette#sonic underground#i guess.#technically#lol#dex draws#oh the little diamond things above aleena's head are antennae btw#idk why they look like that. they didnt when i was drawing them. whatever#dex doodles
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Much needed cuddles!
Raising Dominoes has reached double digits!!! I've never been this committed to a project before and I can't wait to share more!
Here's Chapter 10 - Reunited.
Prologue: 00 Previous chapter: 09 Next chapter: 11
Summary: Rex and Fives visit Echo at the hospital.
CW: Implied/referenced child abuse, food insecurities, hospitals, missing limbs
Chapter 10 – Reunited
Fives bolted into Echo’s room before Rex could even think about stopping him. One second the boy had been holding his hand, the next the door was beginning to swing shut after him.
In the split second that Rex had been able to see into the room, he caught sight of a familiar figure in a long white coat standing next to a bed occupied by a small boy. The shades were not drawn this time, and there were less machines beeping away. From the fleeting image it looked like Echo was doing better.
Rex followed Fives into the room and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of the kid climbing up onto his twin’s bed. Worried that Fives was going to accidentally hurt his brother, he quickly covered the distance between them and reached for Fives, ready with a lecture about proper behavior in a hospital, but faltered when he heard a deep chuckle.
“It’s alright, Rex,” Kix said, smiling as he finished hanging a bag on an IV pole.
Rex frowned, worry etching creases in his brow.
“He’s being careful. He won’t hurt him,” Kix reassured. He walked around the bed to Rex’s side and lowered his voice so the boys would not be able to hear, “Trust me, they need this. That was the first time I’ve seen anyone get near the kid without him flinching.”
Rex nodded, but his frown deepened. Echo weakly shifted over in the bed to give Fives more room.
“See if you can get him to eat anything,” Kix whispered before turning on his heel and starting for the door. When he reached the door, he looked over his shoulder at the twins and waved, “Okay, Echo, I’m going to go now. I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on you, alright, trooper?”
Echo made no response, but Kix did not seem to expect one since the door was already clicking shut behind him.
Rex should not have felt uneasy being left alone in a room with his twin boys. It was ridiculous, really, but the way Echo stared put him on edge. The boy’s eyes never left him, not even as Fives snuggled up next to him, close but not touching. Not even when Fives called his twin’s name.
Echo’s eyes were cold and evaluating. Sizing him up as if he were a threat. Rex supposed that was probably what he thought he was: someone else that would hit or yell, someone else that would poke and prod with needles.
Rex really only had one move. He backed away from the edge of the bed slowly and sat in the chair pulled up beside it. Echo’s eyes followed him.
It was Fives who broke the silence, “Are you better now?”
Echo blinked, his eyes slowly pulling away from Rex’s to settle on his brother, “…yes.”
His voice was so small and though he wanted to sound brave for Fives, it was more than clear he was lying. His face was pale and gaunt, his voice hoarse and dry, and he was still surrounded by bags of meds and beeping machines.
“So, we can take him home now?” Fives asked hopefully, lifting his head from the pillow to address Rex.
Rex shook his head, “We have to wait for Kix to discharge him.”
Fives let out an exasperated sigh and let his head drop back into the pillow dramatically. After a minute of silence, he turned to Echo, his voice soft, “I missed you.”
The corners of Echo’s thin lips quirked up into the image of a smile, but an image was all it was. There was no sincerity to the motion and the smile dissipated quickly, face contorting in pain, or grief, or sadness.
The boy’s mind was elsewhere, his sad eyes darting around the room before drifting back over to study Rex. Rex smiled, though he was afraid his was as empty and meaningless as Echo’s had been, “Uh, Echo, it’s nice to meet you. I’m… I’m Rex.”
Rex cringed at his awkwardness, but he forced himself to gauge the boy’s reaction. There was none. Echo remained still, eyes locked onto his.
Rex broke eye contact, dropping his gaze to the gift bag still clutched in his hand, “Oh, um, Fives, do you want to give your brother his present?”
“Oh, yeah!” Fives jumped off the bed and retrieved the bag, crinkling it around loudly as he climbed back up, kneeling at Echo’s side. He held out the present in front of his brother, “I saw this at the… the gift shop and- and Rex said I could get it for you!”
Echo reached out slowly and took the bag, letting it rest on his chest as he used his remaining arm to attempt to fish out the gift.
Fives watched his twin struggle for a moment before his excitement won out, “It’s a book!”
Echo finally pulled out the book and turned it over, looking at the cover.
“It’s a- a guide book. For Kamino- no, um- Coruscant. That’s where we are!” Fives exclaimed, excitement and his difficulty remembering what Rex had said about the book causing his words to come out breathless.
In Rex’s eyes the book was worthless—a cheap tourists’ guide to Coruscant—but it had been the only book in the gift shop, and Fives had insisted Echo would like it. Who was Rex to dispute his claim?
Echo turned the book over one more time to look at the back and set it down at his side. “Thanks,” he said quietly, looking at Fives before turning his attention to Rex, voice now so soft Rex had to strain to hear it, “Thank you, sir.”
Rex smiled, and this time he was sure it looked genuine, “You’re welcome.”
“Do you like it?” Fives asked, beaming at his brother and bouncing a little on the bed.
Echo nodded, his eyes flicking over to Rex and shoulders tensing.
He was lying.
He was lying and he thought Rex was going to what? Punish him for it? Call him out on it? Make both of them upset?
“Wow,” Fives breathed, flopping back down onto the bed, seemingly oblivious, “I’m so happy to see you.”
“I’m so happy to see you,” Echo repeated, tearing his eyes away from Rex to face his brother.
“Does- Does it hurt?” Fives asked, looking at the places on the sheets where the lumps ended.
“Not really, I’m just tired.”
“Can I see?”
Echo shifted to sit up a bit higher on the pillows and pulled the blankets down. The stumps where his limbs used to be were wrapped up in bandages. His right arm had been cut just above the elbow, his right leg above the knee, and his left leg below the knee. It was a miracle the paramedics had been able to arrive in time to stabilize him before he bled out.
“Not much to see,” Echo rasped, letting out a strangled laugh that quickly morphed into a coughing fit.
Rex rose from his chair instinctively, “We should get you some water.”
Echo flinched back at the sudden movement, screwing his eyes shut, coughing subsiding for a moment to allow a small whimper to escape his throat.
“Okay, okay, I’m sitting down,” Rex slowly lowered himself back into the chair.
Fives hovered over Echo, hands twitching like he wanted to touch him, but he was not sure he should. Instead of offering any sort of physical comfort, Fives opted for verbal, “It’s okay, Rex is nice. He’s nice.”
“He’s nice?” Echo managed weakly, eyes opening a crack.
“Mm-hmm! Nice,” Fives answered cheerily.
Echo began coughing again and it took all of Rex’s strength not to get up from the chair for a second time. There was a glass of water on a tray full of food next to the bed and Rex pointed to it, “Fives, can you get that water for Echo?”
Fives turned and grabbed the cup, pressing it into his twin’s hand. Echo took it and brought it to his mouth, arm trembling under the small amount of weight. Much of the water spilled down the front of the boy’s papery hospital gown and onto the sheets, but Rex was relieved to see him take a few gulps.
Echo passed the glass back to Fives and relaxed back into the pillows, giving out one final cough.
“That feels better, huh?” Rex asked, relaxing back into the chair himself.
Echo blinked, “…feels better?”
“Yeah, doesn’t it?”
The boy slowly nodded, “Yes, sir.”
“You know what else would help you feel better?”
Echo swallowed, his eyes darting over to where Fives sat next to him before returning to stare blankly at Rex, “No, sir.”
“Some food in your tummy,” Rex nodded to the tray of food by Fives.
Fives pushed the tray over to Echo, who shook his head, “I’m alright, sir.”
“Aren’t you hungry?” Rex questioned, concern written across his face.
“A bit,” Echo confessed after a moment. The boy dropped his eyes to the bowl of stew and looked at it like it was a cup full of bugs.
“Are you allergic?”
Echo shook his head, still watching his meal with disgust.
“You just don’t like it then?”
The boy shrugged.
“Okay…” Rex mumbled, wracking his brain for a nicer what to ask what the problem with the food was.
It turned out he did not need to.
“So then why won’t you eat it?” Fives asked.
“I…” Echo started, his voice barely audible, “I don’t deserve it.”
Everything stopped for a moment: the beeping of the machines, the little particles dancing in the waning light, even the beating of Rex’s heart. The kid thought he did not deserve hospital food. Hospital food. It brought Rex back to the first night he brought home Fives, when the boy had cried because he was “being too nice” to him.
Vaguely Rex wondered if Echo thought he did not deserve the meal because it was nicer than whatever type of sustenance he was used to, or because he was accustomed to having to work for his food. Neither option made Rex very happy.
In fact, he was angry.
No, angry was not quite right.
He was livid.
Rex gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before his heart exploded with rage. When he opened his eyes he was met with twin sets of chocolate colored irises staring back at him.
His heart melted, “You deserve it, Echo.”
The boy kept his face unnaturally still and Rex wished he could read what was going on under that carefully maintained mask.
“You deserve it,” Rex repeated, louder this time. He looked down at the floor, hoping to hide the sadness in his eyes, “Everyone deserves to be able to eat when they’re hungry.”
The room was silent again. Rex did not dare look up from his shoes. He did not know if he could bear looking into their innocent faces after everything they had been through because of him. Because he had done everything he could to not look back.
If only he had, then he would have found them earlier, before-
“I can eat it,” Echo’s quiet voice cut through Rex’s thoughts.
He snapped his head up to see both boys looking at the tray of food with downcast expressions.
“I’m sorry, sir” Echo muttered, his shoulders tensing, “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
“What? No, no, I’m not upset,” Rex said, waving his hands around as if that would prove his sincerity. The last thing he wanted was for his boys to be tiptoeing around him and worrying about upsetting him.
The twins looked up at him skeptically.
“Not upset,” Rex reassured, giving them a small smile, “Not upset, just- Hey! I’ve got an idea.”
Echo’s head tilted to the side, one eyebrow cocking up in interest.
Rex turned to Fives, “Hey, bud, are you hungry?”
“Uh-huh?” Fives’ brows crinkled together.
“Why don’t we go down to the cafeteria real quick and get some dinner to bring back here? Then we can all eat together.”
“Okay,” Fives agreed easily, sliding off the bed. Once his feet hit the ground he turned back to his twin, “Okay?”
Echo nodded, “Okay.”
The rest of the evening was spent answering Fives’s one hundred and one questions about the hospital and watching Echo slowly pick at his food long after both Rex and Fives had finished. When he finally pushed it away, he had only gotten through around half, but when Kix came in to say goodbye at the end of his shift, he seemed ecstatic that any of it was gone at all, so Rex counted that as a win.
At around 8 pm both boys were exhausted. Rex was about to suggest that he take Fives home for the night when the boy passed the Coruscant guidebook to his twin, “Can you read to me?”
Echo smiled softly and took the book, sandwiching it between his chest and his hand so he would be able to keep it steady as he read.
There was no way Rex was interrupting this. He leaned back in his chair and listened to Echo rattle off facts about the Bureau of Ships and Services Heritage Museum.
After a few minutes Fives shifted in the bed next to his brother. “Cuddle?” He asked, looking at Echo hopefully.
Echo put down the book for a moment to pat his shoulder, “Here.”
Fives smiled sleepily and inched closer to his twin to rest his head on his shoulder.
Echo resumed reading and in no time at all Fives was asleep. Rex watched as Echo carefully set the book down so as not to disturb his brother. He then pulled the covers up around Fives’s shoulders. As he did, he noticed Rex looking at them and frowned in a silent question.
“You take such good care of your brother,” Rex said softly.
Echo looked down at Fives, a real, true smile spreading across his face, “I love him. I’d do anything for him.”
@marierg @stressed-cherry @ffdemon @renton6echo @bambambunny @tearfulsolace @rndmpeep @brokenphoenix99 @nerdy-valkyrie @xylionet @tazmbc1 @eyayah123 @the-bad-batch-baroness @sarcastic-nebula @ihaventpickedausername @sexysmeagolshitposting @emma-1409 @marcadamia
#Fives takes care of Echo just as much as Echo takes care of him#but we'll get there#eventually#the clone wars#tcw#clone wars#arc trooper echo#arc trooper fives#clone trooper echo#clone trooper fives#captain rex#clone medic kix#clone trooper kix#domino twins#baby dominos#superlarva
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AU where *Vox* is the one who disappears for 7 years, and ALL of Hell suffers for it. The remaining 2 Vees end up with their souls contracted to Alastor, Carmilla and Zestial have to become allies and join forces-most overlords do by the time Vox comes back there ARE no solo Overlords left, except technically Rosie and Alastor but even they are 'allies' in the loosest sense. Everyone else is paired up and it all because of the madness of Radio Demon at the disappearance of his muse. He's shacked up inside of The Vees Tower, taking over Vox's floor as his own, adding a radio tower to the side of it.
And then, 7 years after his disappearance, Vox reappears and joins Charlie Morningstar at her hotel for rehabilitation of sinners of all things, with Angel Dust as her first client, and--
The very foundations of Hell shake.
OHHH this one is fun. yesyesyes im so onboard with this one!!! i think about swap aus very fondly no matter how many times i see premises where vox and al get their storylines swapped ill ALWAYS eat it up.
okay so i do have some questions i want to get over with first. did al and vox breakup before the whole. (waves hands) seven year leave thing. like did they fight before he left because that brings a wholly different dynamic to the table rather than 'oh vox just disappeared one day', which in fairness i can see driving alastor crazy in a much different way, but also if they'd fought beforehand and alastor had expected to see vox back with the vees the day after or something, only to find him missing with no one aware of where he was... hoo boy. and also- does alastor take over the entertainment district here? like, he's got val and velvette as contracted souls, so do they stop running the district because they can no longer hold the respect of those they were once under and just do menial tasks under al's servitude, or is there a completely different dynamic here that ive passed over?
anyway with that over with... (bashes my head into the wall) YES I NEED THIS. ohmuy god. the aus where vox is sponsoring the hazbin hotel because of a deal he made with lucifer or something have been haunting my head for weeks upon end and i cant help but imagine something similar here- i can just imagine how pissed alastor would be to learn of the fact that vox was back and didnt even think to go and SHOW HIMSELF to him first??? vox was HIS. his muse, his rival, his stupid, stupid picture box- and he went off to make a deal with that bright-faced, stupid little princess of hell? instead of going back to alastor? no, no, no, that cant do, absolutely not, VALENTINO, you have to get your oblivious little employee under control before i rip out both your throats-- anyway. i imagine al probably hates intearcting with either of the vees but he does to make sure theyre not dead or trying to kill him (its all for voxs sake. he wouldn't be glad to return and find his friends slaughtered, after all.)
sorry i dont really have any other thoughts to addonto this (theres a reason why i havent written/drawn a swap au with them and its because ive no idea how the story would change given all the different nuances that we dont yet know... so. yeah) except maybe that alastor would probably be pissed as hell at the attention vox gets when he returns- because he was a celebrity figure before he was gone, too, and his return is like the equivalent to a comeback on princess diana's revenge dress level. instead of being pissed that other sinners are paying attention to vox in a 'they should be looking at me' kind of way though he's more pissed in a 'no one should look at him except for me' kind of way which really weirds charlie vaggie and angel out who are kinda just going like... 'are you sure about that guy man' and vox just shrugs like 'well last time i was face to face with him we had a really bitter breakup fight so idek if hes sure about me tbh'
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An Yujin of IVE x Male reader smut [well kinda]
an; tbh did decent for first try, open for constructive criticism.
Word Count- 762
An Yujin sighs softly as she stretches out on her bed, relaxing after a long day of practice and recording. Though tired, her mind is restless, as it often is when she finds herself alone with her thoughts. Her thoughts drift to her beloved boyfriend Y/N, as it so often does lately. A gentle smile tugs at her plump lips as she imagines his face, his warm smile that always makes her heart flutter. She misses him every time they're apart like this.
Just then, there's a soft vibration in her phone, a video message pings on her kakaotalk. And low it behold it is from the man she holds closest to her heart.
Yujin settles back against her pillows, tapping the play button eagerly. She misses his face, and the sound of his voice as it brings her dire comfort. What surprise has her loving Y/N sent her this time? Her heart swells with affection, ready to see his smile once more.
As the video starts playing, Yujin's eyes are immediately drawn to Y/N's handsome face filling the screen. He smiles and it makes Yujin melt.
"Hi baby," he says softly. "I miss you. Hope you're not working too hard like always." He chuckles. "I wanted to send you something to cheer you up since we can't be together right now. Uhhh Close your eyes, I have a surprise..."
Yujin smiles and does as he says, closing her eyes in anticipation. She hears some rustling sounds from the tablet, her boyfriend’s quiet laughter. "Okay, open them!"
Opening her eyes, Yujin gasps softly. On the screen, Y/N is shirtless, wearing only sweatpants that hang very low on his hips. His pale [or tan], muscular torso is on full display, along with the teasing trail of dark hair that disappears below the waistband.
"Like what you see?" Y/N asks playfully, his dark eyes dancing with mirth. "I know how much you enjoy admiring my body, baby. Wishing I was there to please you, make you scream in pleasure."
Yujin feels her cheeks flush hot at his words, her heart pounding in her chest as desire pools low in her abdomen. Even just seeing him like this has turned her on so easily. She lets her eyes roam hungrily over the sculpted planes of his chest, his abs, wishing she could reach out and feel their hardness under her fingertips and palms.
Y/N must’ve imagined the want in her eyes, for his smile turns wicked. "Enjoy the view for now, babygirl. I'll be seeing you soon. Be a good girl and touch yourself for me, thinking of the things I'll do to you when we're finally together again..."
The video ends abruptly, leaving Yujin aching and breathless. Her boyfriend knows just how to wind her up and leave her wanting. Now alone with her thoughts and the lingering image of his hard bare torso, she can't help but let her hands wander as desire takes over...
Yujin lets out a shaky breath as her hands slide down her body, cupping her perky breasts over her shirt and giving them a gentle squeeze. Her nipples tighten in real time, aching to be touched through the thin fabric. Lowering, her hands travel, coming to rest in between her thighs. Even through her sweatpants she can feel the heat and wetness in there, a witness to how easily her Y/N turns her on.
Slipping her hand beneath the waistband, Yujin breathes shallowly as her fingers make contact with her slick, swollen folds. She spreads them open, finding her sensitive nub already throbbing for attention. Her slow, teasing circles do little to nothing to ease the ache, only making her long for Y/N more and more. Memories of past ‘workouts’ with Y/N come rushing into her mind - his skilled tongue and rough fingers coaxing orgasms after orgasms out of her until she sobs for him to stop, as it becomes unbearable. The thought has her moving faster now, rubbing herself with increasing urgency as fantasies of him take over.
It isn't long before the first waves of bliss begin to wash over her in pulses. Yujin bites her lip to stifle her moans, as to not alert her beloved members. Her fingers work busily between her thighs, chasing that necessary peak, until her body finally convulses in the pleasure. Only the memories of Y/N can bring her such pleasure, even when he is miles away.
As she comes down from her high, satiated for now, Yujin smiles dreamily. Waiting and yearning to be in Y/N’s arms again soon.
#smut#kpop smut#ive#yujin#ahn yujin#izone smut#ive smut#an yujin smut#ahn yujin smut#izone yujin smut#male reader#idolxmalereader
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✧*ೃ࿐ TONGUES & TEETH
[ ACT V: AN ANGEL'S FRAGILITY ]
xavier thorpe x valkyrie! reader
#SYNOPSIS— you and xavier go for a walk, you and enid think that tyler's an uber driver, and xavier needs to figure out his feelings.
#CONTAINS— enemies to fwb to lovers, slowburn, academic rivals, intimidating and flawed reader, familial issues (will be mentioned in this part), gore, blood, death, aged up characters (everyone is 18 except for eugene), sexual content (in this part & some other parts)
#AUTHORSNOTE— this took me longer to write for some reason but it's okay. thank you for all the support lately ily all xx
ACT I, ACT II, ACT III, ACT IV, ACT V, ACT VI
xavier didn’t like hospitals.
he didn't particularly spend a lot of his time in them, but when he did, he always hated it. the florescent lights, the strong smell of sickness and cleaner intermingled in the air, and the patients he passed by on the way to your room. all of them, either awake or asleep, had someone in the room with them; holding their hand, praying, talking with them. helping them.
he had to admit, it was awkward coming to visit you with weems. but weems offered to drive him so long as he kept a low profile about your condition, so he agreed to tag along. you were finally announced as stable after five days in the hospital; he guessed that having godly blood helped.
but while everyone had people in their rooms, all of them caring for their loved one so deeply, so tenderly, your room had only a black dahlia, a bouquet of baby's breath and lavender, and one of your mugs on a table.
the dahlia was from wednesday. the bouquet was from enid. xavier had brought you one of your own mugs the day prior.
but as he and weems entered the room, there was a woman standing at your right side. her hair was long and blonde, tied into a long dutch braid that reached all the way down to her hips. she wore a white turtleneck under a black trenchcoat and was the same height as weems. in her hands was your leather jacket from the night of your attack, now neatly sewn as though it hadn't been ripped to shreds.
none of your siblings looked like each other. you all had different mothers, but you all had odin's blood.
xavier placed his own gift next to their's; a random collection of your mugs from art class, and a pot you had made in pottery with a single white orchid in it. weems placed an envelope and a 'get well soon' balloon in the corner that xavier knew you'd poke fun at.
"you're one of y/n's sisters— eir, was it?" weems asked, approaching the valkyrie.
"yes. we met on y/n's first day." eir glanced at xavier, who only stood far behind weems. he looked perturbed, his jaw clenched as he sent daggers towards eir, but eir only sent him a kind smile before focusing on you again.
"i'm truly sorry for what has happened to your sister," weems continued, clasping her hands in front of her as she observed your sleeping face. "i'm sure that y/n has told you about her adventures—"
"it's all she ever truly talks about," eir laughed softly to herself, "she has always been drawn to trouble. even as a child— i'm sure you've seen it in her old forms."
"i have." an uncomfortable silence hovered in the air. the only thing that filled the quiet was the beeping of your monitor.
usually, when xavier came to visit you, he went alone or with enid. wednesday hadn't spoken a word to him since the attack.
xavier held you for what felt like hours. he rocked you back and forth as your sobs died down into sniffles. he pressed a quivering kiss to the top of your head as he breathed heavily in the cold. your hands were still wrapped around him, gripping his shirt.
until they fell at his sides, limp and lifeless.
"y/n? fuck, y/n?" xavier pulled you away from his chest to look at you. he desperately moved your hair from your face, his hands shaking violently as he held you in his arms. your eyes were shut, your face peaceful but lacking any sign of life. panic settled into his body as he shook you gently, careful not to move your wings. "y/n, answer me, c'mon," he pleaded, feeling the burn of tears behind his eyes.
your blood was everywhere; all over his hands, all over his pants and on his shirt. but the worst thing about feeling your blood wasn't that it was warm; it was that it was turning cold.
the sound of running footsteps on fallen leaves made him look up, a small sense of relief overcoming him when he saw wednesday with thornhill close in tow.
"get away from her," wednesday seethed, and with that, every ounce of relief disappeared from his body. she ran up to the other side of your body, her eyes widening at the sight of your snapped wings. "what did you do?!"
"you can't be serious, wednesday, she's dying!" xavier yelled, his eyes pleading for help as he fixed you in his arms. "we," he sniffed harshly, "we have to get her and eugene out of here. now."
"her wings will only bring her more pain," thornhill murmured, making xavier look at her in horror. eyes were set on something glinting in the distance, and she made her way towards it quickly. she returned with your sword in her hands, the weight heavy but manageable.
"no, you can't do that to her," xavier shook his head at he held you closer to him. it was a pathetic attempt to get you away as thornhill neared. "you can't cut off her wings ms. thornhill—"
"we need to do this, xavier. it will make it easier for us to get her to the hospital quicker." thornhill huffed as she raised the sword up, the weight far too heavy in her hands. it glinted in the moonlight menacingly, shining down on its owner. "i'm sure she'll understand."
"ms. thornhill, don't—" wednesday protested, but it was already too late.
thornhill let the sword fall on the elbow of your wings with a sickening thump. the sound of your bones and skin being cut seemed to echo in the woods like a haunting whisper. when one came off, the other followed.
"i'm going to visit eugene," weems said as she passed xavier, who could only nod as she left. yet again, there was that uncomfortable silence in the air as he stood in the room with eir. quietly, he moved to your other side as he peered at you.
you were so peaceful when you slept. your hair was a mess on the hospital white pillow, but it surrounded your head like a halo. your eyes were shut gently, and it looked as though you were only sleeping.
sometimes, xavier forgot you were quite literally an angel on earth.
your wings, now cut down to what xavier assumed was its elbow, was behind your back, completely bandaged. the hospital did everything they could to stop your wings from bleeding, but you lost so much blood; not only in the forest, but under their care. rumors circulated around school that you almost died.
"the nurses told me you and some girls visited her every day." eir spoke with a soft nordic accent, but she was easy to understand. she glanced at xavier with the same irises you had; calculating, strategic, and observant.
always on guard.
"the girls were enid and wednesday, her roommates." eir's eyebrows raised at his bitter tone, but said nothing as xavier continued. "i'm xavier. her.. friend."
eir placed the jacket in her hands on a nearby chair, smoothing it out as she left it. "it's our father's jacket," eir explained, her tone gentle, "he gave it to her years ago, when he saw her last." she turned to xavier, her eyes cold but her smile warm. "thank you for visiting her, xavier. i'm sure she'd be happy to know that you have come here every day—"
"where have you been?"
"excuse me?" eir blinked as she looked at xavier, who looked at her with a dirty look.
"you're her sister. one of nine, from what i heard from enid, and yet this is the first time i've seen anyone from her family visit," xavier scoffed, shaking his head to himself, "and only one of you showed up." his voice was pained; not for himself, but for you.
xavier knew what it was like to be lonely, to exist without the presence with others. he knew better than most how it felt to roam an empty home like a ghost, how it felt to be treated as though he wasn't even there. he knew how it felt to be in a room full of people and still be seen as nothing more than someone's shadow.
and to see you, someone who quite literally lost their wings over someone else, it pained him to see that it took your family nearly a week to appear.
"where's her dad— odin?"
"elsewhere."
"he couldn't even appear for her? not even for this— a near death experience?" xavier asked with a mirthless laugh, "does he even care for her?"
a smile appeared on eir's face, like a shadow from the sun. it brought nothing but anger to xavier to see her smile at his accusations, but she knew fully well that xavier was right. odin didn't want to appear, even when his daughter was within death's grasp. her sisters were off doing their jobs in other countries, all too deep in their jobs to manage time for their little sister. eir continued to say, "are you aware that y/n is the weakest of my sisters?"
"that isn't what we're talking about—"
"she is the youngest. the first born in the modern age; the rest of us were born millennia ago," eir looked at you fondly, one of her hands reaching out to touch your face. she stroked your skin under her calloused fingertips, a small sign of love. "valkyries age slowly— we aren't goddesses, you know. but many of us become stronger the more we age," eir shook her head, laughing softly to herself, "but not y/n."
"her body is weaker than ours. her back cripples when her strength runs thin and her skin bruises when you punch it— not like the others." eir shook her head, her hair flowing like water with her movements. "my sisters and i have seen vikings fall at our feet. men and women alike have begged us for mercy," eir swallowed as her face suddenly turned cold. it was as though she was reminiscing the memory of soldiers clawing at the ground as she pulled them away from their world, their pleads still fresh in her ears. "but y/n.. she fell at the feet of others."
"why are you telling me this?" xavier couldn't help but ask, his curiosity getting the better of him as he looked between you and eir.
"because all y/n knows is survival," eir stated with a sigh, "my sisters only know war. we grew up under the safety of our father, but y/n has never been as lucky," a bitter smile tugged at her lips, "it was as though trouble was constantly in her wake. war is temporary, but for it to happen every day in nearly every home you had," she spat her words out like poison, her words gritted and forced, "is cruel. it's cruel and merciless."
"where were you?" xavier asked, his voice no louder than a whisper. her entire explanation of your history did nothing to coerce his anger; if anything, it only made him angrier. eir's eyes looked into his, shining brightly with tears as she answered.
"valhalla. odin didn't deem y/n worthy enough to be with us," eir sniffed harshly, a hand coming up to wipe her nose. the valkyrie cleared her throat, fixing her trench coat over her body. "her wings will grow back when she truly needs them. it will be a painful process, but i am sure that you will be with her, xavier thorpe."
before xavier could protest, eir already left, leaving nothing that even showed that she had arrived in the first place.
you woke up without that familiar weight on your back.
your hands shook as you reached behind you, a whimper leaving your lips when you were met with your clipped wings.
and with that, you screamed again. nurses and doctors alike rushed into your room. you fought them all off, your recuperating strength almost no match for all of them at once. like a wild animal, you shoved them all off, your cries of horror being carried out into the pale hallways of the hospital.
"who did this to me?" you demanded, "who did this to me?!" your eyes burned red with tears as you fought against their restraints. tears streamed down your face as you wailed for the wings that had been so cruelly taken from you. the one thing that provided you peace and tranquil was mercilessly torn away from your hold, like a child whose mother was ripped away from them.
you knew you were lucky enough to still have the roots of your wings intact. that meant it could grow, but you had seen how painful wing regrowth was. how the sickening crunch of a wing being forcefully regrown brought on unimaginable pain.
but wing regrowth only happened when it needed to happen.
your punches and kicks were rendered into nothing as a doctor put a syringe into your neck, and the world went black again.
you were dispatched the next day, as your wings had miraculously healed their cuts. they were small and useless now, nothing more than an ornament you held on your back. they couldn't fold into your back anymore, only folding close to your body as you walked down the hallway of the hospital.
deep eye bags hung under your eyes as you roamed the hospital like a ghost. nurses, doctors, visitors, and patients alike watched you in awe, for in their eyes, all they saw was an angel with clipped wings. but you paid them no mind, too numb and too exhausted to care as you arrived in the doorway of a patient. your hand held a singular sunflower.
eugene's room was bare, but had a small mason jar of honey that someone from nevermore had brought. it brought a smile to your face to see it, but your smile didn't last when you landed on eugene's form.
the glow was soft around him, almost barely visible in the sunlight that shone over his body through the window. but you saw the golden particles that surrounded him; the gods were still deciding whether he would stay or he would go.
"you're y/n."
you turned around, eyes widening when you saw his moms. "i.. i just wanted to visit him—" you swallowed thickly, looking back at eugene's body. the machine on his nose and mouth that helped him breathe and the scars that littered his face made those familiar tears start up again.
you did this to him. you didn't protect him.
"i'm sue, this is janet," sue said softly, placing a small beehive sculpture onto a nearby table. she looked at you with a soft smile, taking in your weakened form. "honey, are you okay?"
"i'm so," you swallowed, avoiding their gaze as you felt the tears start up again, "i'm so sorry."
wordlessly, one of his moms stepped forward and engulfed you in her arms. your arms were dead at your sides, the guilt rippling through your body like crashing waves as janet wrapped her arms around you too.
they held you so tight. so tight.
"he talks about you and wednesday all the time," sue laughed as she and janet finally pulled away from you, "he always talked about how cool he thought you were."
you smiled, shaking your head to yourself. "he reminds me a lot of the friends i made in my foster homes," you said softly, looking at eugene fondly.
he was like a little brother you never had.
"thank you."
you furrowed your brows in confusion at that, turning your head towards janet. "what for?"
"for protecting him." janet looked at your wings, nothing but empathy in her eyes.
you clenched your jaw, the words doing nothing to calm the turmoil of guilt in your mind. but after a second you forced a tight lipped smile. "i have to go— weems is waiting for me outside." you moved past them awkwardly, avoiding their gaze. "i'll visit him as often as i can."
you retrieved your things from the hospital on your way out. your leather jacket was all fixed, to your surprise, and you pulled it over yourself before you walked out to the hospital parking lot. with your items in a box— you silently wondered who had brought a variety of your mugs and the orchid, as the other gifts were obviously from your roommates— you walked out of the hospital. weems stood next to her car, her outfit, hair, and makeup as perfect as ever. but even in her usually unreadable eyes, you saw sympathy.
you didn't like sympathy.
"it's nice to see that you are strong once again, y/n," weems commented, and you only forced a tight lipped smile.
"yeah. i guess the gods didn't think it was my time yet," you said dryly, already making your way into the passenger seat of the car.
the ride to nevermore was silent, as you weren't really in the mood to socialize with anyone. you simply watched the forest pass you by from the window.
"when we return to nevermore, it will be the beginning of parent's weekend," weems interrupted your contented silence, "i suggest you keep eugene's condition under wraps as to not cause panic."
"to not cause panic?" you echoed in disbelief, turning to the principal with a skeptic look, "principal weems, he's in the icu—"
"keep it under wraps, y/n." even with such a bright smile on her face, weems was able to sound borderline threatening.
the car came to a stop outside of nevermore. the second it was parked, you were already making your way out of the car and into the quad.
the entire quad was full of students' parents and family. you swore that you had never seen the quad so full of people from all over the world. parents, grandparents, siblings, even uncles and aunts all surrounded their kids as they all talked and caught each other up.
your wings ruffled gently under the confines of your leather jacket, still fairly weak. you didn't make your entrance grand, instead opting to stay near the the side of the quad and away from others as you observed them all.
a pang of envy hit your body when you watched everyone with their families. as much as you wanted to play off that you thought parent's weekend was cheesy, you wished that some of your family would make time to show up.
a part of you wished that your father would appear, but that was just the inner child in you talking. you had only ever seen him twice in your life; once when he pulled you out of your orphanage, and the second when he left an entire empty apartment to you. he paid the expenses, but he never visited.
"y/n?" enid's voice made you jump in surprise before you were practically tackled into a hug, her werewolf strength making you hit the wall gently.
"hey, hey; i'm strong but not as strong as i usually am," you managed a laugh, gently pulling enid's arms away from where your wings were hidden.
you didn't know why you were suddenly so embarrassed to show your wings now. maybe it was because it was a huge sign that you lost a fight. maybe it showed just how weak you really were; you didn't know. but feeling enid's hand brush against your wings from over the jacket made you want to hide your wings even more.
you used to be proud of them.
"why didn't you tell us that you were back?" enid asked, almost tearful as she held your shoulders. she looked so worried your original idea of keeping to yourself was hindered for just a second.
"i didn't want to make a scene." you managed a smile as wednesday appeared behind enid. her facade fell ever so slightly, her cold eyes softening as she looked at you.
"i did not doubt that you would fully recuperate in time for this horrible weekend. you have shown yourself to be quite a sadist," wednesday stated, glancing briefly at the other parents in the quad. she swallowed thickly before nodding her head once. "thank you for being there for eugene."
your eyebrows raised at her sudden sincerity. this was the first time you had ever seen her like this, and you nudged her gently as you stood between her and enid. "don't go soft on me, addams. we still have a monster to find."
the sound of weems clearing her throat in the mic made the three of you look up at her. her warm was as bright as ever as she addressed all the family in the quad. you didn't care enough to listen to her words as enid began to talk to you.
"the monster hadn't attacked anyone for the past week," enid said, "maybe you finally scared it off, y/n."
"maybe," you mumbled, "or maybe it's just regaining its strength to finish off the job."
"i realize most of you have heard about the unfortunate incident involving two of our students," weems said into the microphone, making you look up in shock.
she better not.
"but i'm happy to report that eugene is on the mend and is expected to make a full recovery, while y/n has already arrived back from the hospital," her arm stretched out towards where you stood with enid and wednesday.
oh, how you wished you could fly away from everyone's stares. you shifted uncomfortably at the smiles you received from strangers and classmates alike, the sudden spotlight fresh from you arrival from the hospital making you nothing short of embarrassed and annoyed.
"so let's try to focus on the positive and make this weekend the best parent's weekend yet!" weems' smile grew, and claps rippled through the crowd in agreement.
"on the mend? try in a coma," wednesday grumbled under her breath, making you nod and shove your hands into your pockets.
"i'm the reason he's in the hospital," you murmured, primarily to yourself. guilt stained your tone bitterly as you forced yourself to stop pondering about your lack of action.
"that is not your fault, okay?" enid said softly, her usually bright eyes darkening with concern. she turned to wednesday, "you stop beating yourself up over it, too."
"maybe the reason why the monster hasn't been seen is because of this weekend," wednesday said dryly, her expression only darkening at the entrance of her family.
you wouldn't lie, they all fit each other's aesthetic very well.
"i knew i should have worn my plague mask," wednesday practically seethed, already dreading the upcoming socializing she would have to do.
enid tsked, nodding over to her own family. her nose scrunched in slight embarrassment. "would you look at my family?" her mom and dad stood a few feet away from their rowdy boys, who were jumping around the picnic table wildly. "talk about toxic pack mentality," enid sighed, "i give my mom 30 seconds before her judge-y claws come out."
you and wednesday looked at enid with concern, who only let out a slow exhale before forcing a smile. "let's get this over with." she looked at you with a small tilt of her head. "are your sisters coming to parents weekend, y/n?"
"no," you responded curtly, backing away from your roommates. "i'll leave you both to it, though. good luck."
you watched on from the walls of the quad, your arms crossed over each other as you watched on from your brooding corner. everyone seemed happy enough to have their family around.
your eyes drifted up to the second level of the quad, and your eyes met familiar green ones again.
his face was unreadable as he looked at you. you sent him an awkward wave that quickly fell when you noticed bianca standing next to him. but she seemed equally as down as you were, so you awkwardly waved to her as well.
you watched them both talk, bianca obviously bothered by what xavier was saying, until she turned around to a woman wearing gold reptile clothing. she looked shocked, to see her, to say the least, almost like a deer in headlights. your eyes followed xavier as he left bianca with her mom, a sigh leaving your lips as you focused your attention to the families in front of you again.
the amount of family togetherness made you want to cry and throw up all at the same time.
you began to walk away from the quad, wordlessly moving past people like a ghost. you didn't want to stop and chat no more than you already had. you didn't have the energy to force yourself to be civil when you felt nothing but self blame, guilt, and anger for what had happened over the last week.
but most of all, as you walked out to the archery range and felt the wind blow gently against you, you felt grief. because you wanted nothing more than to feel that wind under your wings.
your hands were clenching and unclenching, your chest heaving as you desperately tried to calm yourself. you found yourself too deep in your thoughts to think straight, too guilty to talk to others who obviously cared about you, too angry for feeling so weak that you wanted to do nothing but destroy. you wanted to destroy that monster for leaving a 13 year old kid in the hospital, fighting for his life. you wanted to destroy the monster the same way he destroyed your wings.
you walked towards the rack of bows, hands working on their own as you grabbed them and one of the quivers, carelessly hoisting it over your back as you stood in front of an array of targets.
you loaded a bow in and pulled it back, aiming for a mere second before you let it fly. it hit the middle of the target with a thump, but you were already loading another into the bow. you let each arrow fly carelessly, so desperate for some kind of escape from your mind. from the memories of the mauling not even a full week ago, of you being carelessly thrown around while eugene screamed for help.
how pathetic was it, that you wanted to help eugene but couldn't even help yourself?
you never wanted that to happen to anyone else again. you were so close to experiencing the pain your sisters had told you about— the pain of being too attached only to lose them moments after.
you had to stay away.
"y/n."
another arrow in the middle, cutting through the last.
"y/n, stop."
you reached for another arrow, mindlessly loading it into the bow.
"are you even listening to me?" a hand grabbed your shoulder, and you immediately walked back and turned towards the person, the arrow pointed right at their heart.
xavier raised both of his hands in surrender, worry ghosting over his face as he looked at you in concern. "it's me," he breathed, eyes trailing down to the unwavering arrow. ever so gently, he took a step towards you and pushed the arrow aside so that it pointed away from him. "it's me," he repeated, green eyes boring into yours as you swallowed thickly.
you let the bow fall at your side, the arrow easily dropping to the ground.
"don't do that," you muttered, turning your eyes away from him first, to his surprise.
" 'm sorry," xavier couldn't help but say, the apology slipping past his lips before he could exchange it with a snarky comment. he exhaled slowly, taking a step towards you as you looked at the damage you had done to the archery target. "you shouldn't be training."
"why not?" you huffed, walking away from him to place the quiver and bow back.
"you know fully well why not," xavier said in exasperation, walking quickly after you. he knew you wouldn't stupid; you were just avoiding the idea that you simply weren't strong enough. "you need to be resting."
"you need to let me be."
"i'm not going to."
"and why is that?" you snapped, that familiar glare meeting his eyes. "you think that after that night suddenly our entire relationship has changed—"
"i held you while you were bleeding," xavier seethed, and you stepped towards him, stabbing an accusatory finger at him.
"you stopped me from getting to eugene."
xavier chuckled in disbelief, your words making him shake his head. he was sure that it was just the attack speaking; you were obviously still on edge over the whole thing, but he had to admit, to hear you be so mean hurt him. "do you know how much blood you lost?"
you opened your mouth to fire back, but xavier stopped you.
"it was everywhere, y/n. and your wings.." his eyes drifted to the leather jacket that covered you, your wings hidden under them. "your wings looked horrible."
your pained gaze left his eyes as you looked up at the sky, feeling that familiar pressure behind your eyes.
"thornhill had to cut them to bring you to the hospital," xavier continued, making your sadness slip away for a moment for it to be replaced with anger. but xavier saw it. "don't blame her for it, y/n."
"i feel like blaming everything right now," you said with a joyless laugh, "i feel like.. burning everything."
xavier looked at you, observing the way your turmoil was finally shining through the cracks of the walls you had built. "do you wanna go on a walk with me? you don't need to say anything— i know that you're definitely not in the mood for a conversation but.. i don't want you committing arson."
you couldn't help the small smile that tugged on your lips at that, xavier's eyes softening when he saw the genuine smile. his heart tugged in his chest when he looked at you; not out of sympathy, but out of something else unexplainable.
the both of you began to walk around the school grounds, the ambiance of nature being the only noise between the both of you. every time you approached the woods, xavier found himself moving to the side of where the woods were, walking along the border so that you didn't have to.
"i met your sister two days ago."
"you what?" you couldn't help but say, eyebrows raising. "they actually visited?"
there it was again, that tug in xavier's chest. "why are you so surprised?" he couldn't help but ask, but he continued anyway, "it was only one of them— eir," he listened to you sigh and murmur a small, 'of course it was,' before he proceeded, "and it was the first time she visited in that entire week."
"how are you so sure?"
"because wednesday, enid, and i visited you every day." xavier could feel your eyes on him. his cheeks burned red at the small confession, but he played it off, saying, "i got mad at her."
you swatted his arm in response, making xavier wince as he rubbed your mark. "stop interfering with my family matters," you scolded coldly, and he groaned at your words.
"fine, it'll be the first and last time, but that was the first time she ever visited. your father didn't even come."
"eir has always been the one that visited. she's never visited a lot but," you sighed, "she was always there. odin would never go." your tone was bitter as you kicked at a bunch of dry leaves on the ground.
"i understand." you looked at xavier curiously, and he took it as a sign to continue. "my dad told me in a text that he wouldn't make it to this year's parent's weekend," a forced, tight lipped smile appeared on his face, "he hasn't gone to all the others, so.. i don't really know what i expected."
you stayed quiet at that. you knew how that felt, to want a parent's presence and always be turned down. it was as though you were nothing but a burden to them. but silently, you weighed your options of opening up to xavier. you didn't want to get attached.
you wouldn't get attached.
"did eir talk to you?" you asked, changing the subject quickly. you didn't want to get into the nitty-gritty about your father when you barely knew him. he existed, you knew that much, but it was as though he was a figment of your imagination. like an imaginary friend that appeared only when they wanted to.
"she did," xavier nodded, looking ahead of him. it was a particularly cloudy day today, and the sun barely shone through all the thick clouds that hung in the air.
"about?"
"you." he listened to your groan, a fond smile gracing his face at the sound. "i think i learned more about you from her than i have from you."
"eir and her big mouth," you muttered under your breath. "well? what'd she say?"
"that you were the youngest of the ten," xavier began, "that you were always attracted to trouble—" he watched as you opened your mouth to protest, only for him to interrupt you, "don't even try and argue when you know it's right."
you shut your mouth and let him continue.
"and," the words ran around in his head as he chose them carefully, knowing that it would be a sensitive subject to bring up. but he pushed himself over the edge to say it. "that every home was war for you."
your jaw clenched, the immediate subject of your various home lives making you immediately close in on yourself. it was as though you could feel all of your walls strengthen at the comment, all to fight against xavier.
"you don't need to tell me more if you don't want to," xavier stated, and with that, the walls fell again.
"good."
you both continued your walk in silence. whether it was uncomfortable or comfortable, you didn't know, but you were silently thankful for it. you didn't feel particularly conversational.
but you found yourself being more curious about xavier. if anything, he was as guarded as you were— what a hypocrite. but maybe you were a hypocrite too.
"do you still think i'm the monster?"
you couldn't look him in the eye. but you know those green eyes of his were staring at you in hope that someone believed he was innocent. you didn't look him in the eye as you responded with a, "i don't know who it is."
xavier sighed, his shoulders falling at that. he didn't know how to convince you or wednesday that he was innocent— you were both far too stubborn to even hear him out. oftentimes, he heard wednesday's accusatory voice yell at him much like she did the night of you and eugene's attack.
"i'm sure you aren't fairing too well after the attack, either," you commented, changing the subject yet again. "how do you feel?"
"honestly?" xavier sighed heavily, "i can't get the feeling of your blood on my hands."
a spark of guilt ran through your body. "i'm sorry," you mumbled, the apology barely audible. but the wind carried it to xavier's ears, to which he could only shake his head in response.
"it isn't your fault," xavier said firmly, turning his head to look at you. but your head was focused on your shoes as though it was the most interesting thing in the world. he nudged your shoulder gently. "i mean it, y/n. besides— i've been using art to cope with all of it."
your eyebrows raised in curiosity. you guessed that his primary muse was the monster; you were right, but xavier knew that he had pages full of you and only you.
if anything, you had been his muse almost as much as the monster.
"can i see some of it?" xavier's skeptical look made your eyes widen, "not for evidence! gods, i just want to see."
you looked around xavier's dorm in interest as he shut the door behind you. he had kept rowan's side of the dorm just as he had left it; it seemed as though he was stopping himself from adding items to rowan's side.
there were two easels set up near his desk; one of them was covered by a sheet, while the other was the unfinished painting of the monster. your throat dried as you peered into its crimson eyes and its long claws; the same claws that hooked under your skin as though you were nothing but a piece of meat. your fists clenched and unclenched involuntarily— a small sign of your nervousness as you continued to stare at the painting.
but your trance was broken when xavier turned the canvas so that its back side was towards you. "this is how i cope, remember that," he told you, and you found yourself nodding. "that wasn't what i wanted you to see," xavier said, his cheeks burning red as he turned to the other easel. swiftly, he pulled the blanket off of the painting. "this was."
it was you.
the sketch he had done of you prior was now alive on the easel— literally. your wings were flapping behind you as you flied high in the sky. the armor you wore shone as the nearby moon hit it, and your helmet seemed to glint under the stars. your wingspan was huge, reaching from one side of the canvas to the other side. he paid so much attention to detail that you could see the familiar pattern of brown on your feathers you looked so powerful. so mighty.
but to see it in front of you after knowing what you've lost, you couldn't help but turn around immediately. "i have to go," you managed through the lump in your throat. you moved past xavier, his face falling as he reached out to hold your shoulder before you could leave, his hand brushing against the top of your wings over your jacket.
"wait—"
you immediately pulled your shoulder away as though he had burned you. you looked almost scared as you stared at him, your eyes misting over in tears.
gods, you really needed to get yourself together.
"i.. i appreciate the painting. i really do— but when i look at it," you exhaled sharply, unable to finish your sentence. you glanced at it, taking in how powerful you looked. how your wings were a symbol for many that everything would be okay. how you looked so strong. "it reminds me that..i don't look like that anymore."
xavier's brows were furrowed as he looked at you. your words hung heavy in the air, and you were almost too ashamed to look at him.
" 'm sorry," you laughed, looking up at the ceiling as you blinked your tears away. xavier walked closer to you as you did. "you're a creep, actually, for making paintings like that. i honestly expected it to be of wednes.." your words died in your throat when you felt his hands hold your face gently, pulling your head down to look at him.
xavier didn't say anything as he used his thumbs to wipe away your tears. he touched you, someone who was so accustomed to war, as though you were delicate. his green eyes studied you as you looked at him, your eyes drifting down to his barely parted lips.
and as he held your face between his hands, he kissed you. not in the way he had before. he kissed you as though he was telling you something that only you would understand. as though every slide of his lips against yours was another promise.
but you ignored those promises, because to you, promises would only be broken. because you didn't want to promise yourself to another if it meant that you could lose them in the end.
xavier pulled away from you, his forehead pressed against yours as he looked at your features. he was looking at you like you were his favorite painting. it was as though you had been sculpted by such a tender hand that part of him couldn't believe that you were truly here in front of him.
"i want you to make me feel better." the request fell out of your lips before you could catch it. it was barely audible, like a whisper in the wind, but xavier heard all of it.
xavier only nodded, and you both met in the middle again. the kiss, once so composed and gentle, became more passionate as you felt him under your touch. his hands held your face as he kissed you over and over, as though your taste alone was addicting. and to xavier, it was.
your hands ran through under his shirt as you found yourself on his bed yet again. you pulled it over his head before the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed, making him fall back. xavier quickly used his elbows to raise the upper half of his body to look at you. a frown tugged at his lips as he fully sat up, bringing you closer to him.
you sat on your knees on the space in front of him. your eyes were on his as his hands gently want to the zipper of your leather jacket. you gripped his wrist before he could pull it down, nervousness evident in your eyes. you took in a breath before you used your hand to guide his hand down to fully unzip your jacket.
his hands paused before he could fully pull it off of you. "may i?" xavier asked softly, waiting patiently for your response. when you nodded, he shook his head, murmuring, "i need you to say it. i want you to be sure."
"take off my jacket, xavier," you said, never pulling your eyes from his. your stare only fell when you felt your wings flutter out of the confines of the jacket; they were weak enough to not be as responsive as they usually were. xavier let out a slow exhale when his eyes trailed from your clipped wings to the three neatly-stitched scratches on your back, the memory still fresh in his mind.
"you're so beautiful," xavier breathed, his fingers feather light as he traced your tattoo.
if your fear for love didn't burn so strongly, then maybe you would've found yourself seeing him in a different light.
but you found yourself yearning for something else entirely.
xavier's lips met yours again as you pushed him so that his upper body was propped up against the headboard. you straddled him, his eyes looking up at you innocently. you throw your shirt over your head before leaning down to kiss him again. you rocked your hips against his, reveling in the low moan that he let out into your mouth. you felt him through his jeans, distracting him from kissing you properly as another groan left his mouth.
you lips left his, leaving a single line of saliva between you. your mouth met his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses along his skin that made him whine for more. your hand found its home at the base of his neck, squeezing ever so lightly.
"i thought i was supposed to be taking care of you," xavier said with a breathless laugh that quickly turned into a groan when he felt you press down against him again.
"you are," you mumbled, pulling at his pants.
xavier helped you take his pants off along with yours, both of you in your underwear as you kissed him again. he could feel how wet you were with every rock of your hips against his cock.
"i want you," you whispered against his mouth. you felt his hands trail down your body, mapping every inch of you under his fingertips. his fingers hooked under your underwear, stretching the elastic before letting it slap against your skin. he pulled it to the side, allowing his fingers to rub your wetness around, your small moan being swallowed by his mouth.
xavier hummed against your lips, pulling away for a second to whisper, "you have me."
another empty promise.
your eyes darkened at that. you pulled his cock out of his underwear, teasing his tip along your pussy to gather up its wetness. xavier's eyes were half lidded as he looked up at you, cheeks flushed as he bucked his hips up desperately. "patient," you scolded, before you sank fully onto his cock. the both of you gasped at the feeling, your hands on his chest as you allowed yourself to get used to his size. you shifted slowly, a low moan leaving his lips as his head fell back.
steadily, you moved up and down his dick, reveling in the feeling of being so fucking full. but you couldn't look away from him as you worked up and down; how his hands held your waist to guide you, how your body moved so fluidly against his, how his long hair framed his face so perfectly. his rosy lips were parted, letting out a whine when you slid down slowly, the pace almost unbearable but so so good.
"pretty boy," you said, your hips moving back and forth. you watched a sinful smile appear on his face at that. the glow from the sex only made him so much more beautiful under your gaze, as though he was the angel and not you. and how lewd was he to smile so sinfully as you fucked him. "so fucking pretty."
"y/n, move faster," xavier said, eyes pleading as he looked up at you. he was taking in every part of you; your heaving chest, the sweat that was misted along your skin, the way you looked at him. he was so addicted to you that it almost felt as though he felt something.
your hips followed his request, his eyes rolling back again when you began to ride him faster. your moans only spurred him to buck his hips up in time with you, the added pressure nothing short of delicious as you felt him hit that spot in you that made you see stars. "xavier," you moaned, and he fucked you harder.
"say my name again," xavier murmured, leaning forward to kiss your neck feverishly. you moaned his name again, feeling him leave marks in his wake. like water color, he painted you purple as you moved like water under his fingertips. so fluidly, your hips moved together, the friction borderline delicious as you chased your high.
the knot in your stomach was almost too much to bear, your moans raising in volume as you felt xavier bite down on your shoulder, hiding a particularly loud groan that threatened to leave him. "so beautiful," you heard him mumble, too high off of sex to make a comprehensible sentence. "gon' cum jus' for you," he continued, hands rubbing your hips and holding you close.
your head flew back as you finally came, your eyes rolling back as the pleasure surged through you. your hips continued to move as xavier's hands moved you back and forth, letting you ride him through your orgasm. xavier's lewd noises were muffled in your neck as he came right after you, spilling his cum into you and feeling it leak down.
ever so slowly, he raised you off of him, and moved you to lay down next to him. he peppered light kisses over the hickeys what decorated your skin, his fingers moving some of your hair out of the way as he allowed you to bury your head into his pillow. you looked at him, eyes unreadable as you left a lingering kiss at the corner of his lips.
and with that, you turned away from him to sleep.
by the time you woke, you felt his skin against yours. your hand had found itself holding onto his wrist gently as his arm stayed draped over your body. like a drum, his pulse thumped against the pads of your fingertips, strong and steady. you felt his soft breathing brush against the nape of your neck as he slept soundly.
you gently pushed his arm off of you, letting it fall behind you as you sat up at the edge of his bed. you looked up at the moon that shone through his window, your heart aching at the sight of it.
how you wished to fly close to the moon again.
your eyes floated over to the little details in xavier's room. the photos of him, rowan, and ajax, all smiling at the camera. an photo of a younger and enid, with enid on his back. doodles that ranges from cartoonish to realistic, all pinned up messily above his desk.
a page from his sketchbook of wednesday, playing her cello. now of all the pieces of art he had on the wall, he seemed to have paid attention to her's the most.
"why aren't you resting?" his soft voice brought you away form your thoughts, grounding you to the earth. he shifted behind you, the bed moving in his wake as he propped his head up on his arm. you were looking away from him, oblivious to the pained way he was looking at your clipped wings. the cut had already fully healed thanks to your godly blood, but the scars from the monster remained on your back.
"i have to go," you managed to say, turning back at him. xavier looked so drowsy, his eyes slowly blinking as he struggled to stay awake, but his green irises were alert as ever. your eyes followed each mark you had left on his skin like a constellation that only you knew of, the blooming purple nothing short of sinful.
"this means nothing, right?" his question was asked before he could stop it. it had been on his mind even before he had closed his eyes. he had gotten an intense feeling of deja vu as he asked you the question, knowing fully well that you had said something similar when you first slept together.
"right," you murmured in response. it was as though you were both signing a strict agreement that day. no strings. no feelings. only empty promises.
"i don't understand why i'm being invited."
"because it's a girl's night, silly!" enid smiled brightly, fixiing the snood she made for you over your head. it was an off white color; one that matched your color palette (enid's words, not yours). "and no one's seen you out of the dorm for a week unless it's for class. everyone's been worried."
for most of the week, you had kept to yourself. you didn't have the full energy to converse with others, and you hadn't been speaking to anyone for no longer than a few minutes; even xavier. but you needed time to recuperate before devoting your time to killing some monster and solving a murder.
your wings were strong enough to fully disappear into your back now. but it had been far too long since anyone had seen any sight of them. you guessed that you were forcing yourself to get used to the feeling of them being in your back forever; if you didn't have all your wings, then you might as well not have them at all.
wednesday had caught you up on what had happened during your week of rest and relaxation, telling you all about garrett gates and crackstone. in the same way she caught you up, you caught her up on what happened the night of the attack.
"i didn't get to see much before the explosion. i covered eugene with my wings because i was scared debris would fly at us."
wednesday looked down at the taxidermy kit her parents had given her. her surprise party was the night prior, and you had to say that you did a pretty good job at acting unsuspicious (though, you and enid kept sending each other excited looks all night).
enid, because she believed every birthday should be celebrated. you, because you couldn't wait to see how miserable wednesday would look when given a party.
but it was interrupted by a vision; one that wednesday had told you about moments prior.
"but someone definitely knew that we had gone in there with eugene earlier. whoever it was, they knew about the monster and was either covering for them or was covering their own tracks because they were the monster," you twirled a knife in your hands absentmindedly. fidgeting helped you think. "i think that we shouldn't rule out the possibility of there being an accomplice, but i'm gonna be honest— with weems covering for rowan's murder," your words turned bitter as you spoke about weems. the anger you had towards her for covering up a murder and not allowing rowan's friends to properly grieve still ran heavily through you. "i wouldn't be surprised if she knew something about the monster."
"besides, aren't you excited that it was wednesday's idea? i mean, she rarely does this— i guess it's because it's her birthday today." the werewolf was practically jumping on the ceiling from excitement, her hands moving passionately with her words as she walked away from you to talk to wednesday.
"wednesday's idea?" you echoed, your brows furrowing at the thought of wednesday addams planning a girl's night. you walked to your closet and grabbed your holster for your dagger.
just in case.
you knew you were smart enough to bring it, because you found yourself stopping as you opened the car to what you believed was your uber driver, only to see tyler staring at you in disbelief. "since when were you an uber driver?" you asked with furrowed brows, climbing into the car and shutting the door behind you.
"since never?" tyler responded, equally as confused as you as his eyes darted between you and enid in the backseat and wednesday sitting coldly in the passenger's seat.
"wait— you're our uber driver?" enid asked confusedly, turning to wednesday for answers.
"why do you keep asking that— i thought we were going on a date." tyler too looked at wednesday for answers.
"we thought it was a girls' night out!" enid explained, her look of disbelief slowly turning into one of realization. there was no girls' night out.
"there's been a change of plans," wednesday said curtly, not even looking at them.
"what's with the weird matching hoodie scarf things?" tyler asked, making you send him a warning glare.
"don't ask," you stated, your tone enough to make him shut up.
the gates tyler drove up to were overgrown and much too rusty; it practically screamed tetanus. fog obstructed your view of what was beyond the gate, as did the overgrown plants. you found yourself standing right at the front of the gate, looking up at the top of it.
if you had your wings, you could've just flown over.
"this isn't what i signed up for," tyler protested as wednesday began to pick the lock, his eyes nothing short of concerned as he only watched her pick the lock easily.
"ditto!" enid cried out, obviously terrified, "and i bet y/n didn't sign up for this either she's literally healing from getting attacked!"
"i'm healed," you corrected, your lips tugging into a frown as you turned to wednesday. "you should've just asked us to come along instead of getting their hopes up," you muttered to her, your tone only mildly annoyed.
"you knew that if i was planning something for my birthday, i wouldn't celebrate it with a dinner or a surprise party," wednesday said pointedly, not even fazed by tyler and enid's complaints, " if you didn't, then you wouldn't have packed your dagger. i want to do this."
"y/n's right—" tyler said with a nod, "you should've just asked us, not tricked us."
"if you want to go, you can." wednesday gave them a look before pullling out a flashlight. "i'm going to check out the garage."
the entire mansion was overgrown with ivy and vines, doing little to calm the hard beating of your heart. it looked as though there hadn't been anyone in and out of the area in years; which made sense, since supposedly all the gates family members either left or died.
"it's, uh, nice to see you're all better."
you turned to tyler, who was walking behind you. his flashlight was in his hands, illuminating the small smile on his face. but that smile quickly faltered when he saw the skepticism on your features. "wednesday told me about the wings," he added in explanation, watching as your skeptic look turned to a stone cold one. it was as though the mention of your wings left you numb once again. but tyler's eyes were still on you, observing you quietly.
"right. thanks."
the door rattled as wednesday struggled against it. she frustratedly tried to pull one last time, only to huff angrily when it refused to budge.
"let me try," enid said, walking closer and putting her flashlight in her pocket. with one strong pull, the door flew open, making enid's lips tilt upwards into a smile. but the look of shock wednesday gave her made her chuckle embarrassedly. "werewolf thing."
you reached for a nearby light switch as you entered. eerily, the light began to flicker as it illuminated the garage, focusing on a car that was parked right under it. it was covered by a sheet.
the the most confusing thing that you could see about it was that it looked spotless. even the cover looked as though it was recently used— not like the rest of the house.
wednesday pulled the cover swiftly, revealing a blue cadillac. "this is the car that ran the cadillac over," she breathed, and enid whimpered out of fear.
"this just took a horribly dark turn," the blonde said worriedly, her hand pointing towards tyler as she continued, "we need to call tyler's dad right freaking now."
"why?' wednesday asked, turning to enid, "so he an take me back to nevermore and get me expelled? it's not gonna happen." the pig tailed girl walked to the door that led into the house without another look.
"stay close," you told enid as you walked after wednesday, enid nodding as she followed behind you.
"how can she be so stubborn? i mean, all we wanted was a girls' night out!" enid's voice raised an octave due to her fear, her arm coming up to hook under your's.
the door creaked open as you entered it with enid close in tow. her flashlight moved around the abandoned hallway, the dust creating a layer of gray everywhere you looked. it was as though the house was left to rot and decay on its own. there were still photos of the gates hung up on the walls, all smiling at the camera. you let your hand run along the walls that peeled like a snake.
you found yourself in an office of sorts, decorated with an old t.v, a desk, a sofa, and a chair. the chandelier that one illuminated the room had fallen onto the desk. but what truly caught your eye was the painting of the gates. they were all positioned professionally and painted with a delicate hand; so delicate, that it seemed as though their eyes were following your every step. your eyes narrowed as enid and wednesday's flashlight focused on garret gates, who stood proudly next to his mother in front of a background of flowers.
"the tacky painting is fitting for a bunch of outcast haters," you murmured to enid, but primarily to yourself as you observed them all.
you followed wednesday as she walked into the library. cobwebs upon cobwebs covered the table like a sheet, creating multiple layers with the dust. antique items of all sorts were toppled over and rendered lifeless in what you would have considered a beautiful room. you looked at the titles of all the books, your eyes trailing up to follow wednesday's flashlight. it was shining directly on an area that had no dust and no cobwebs; the top of a mahogany wall design right between the books.
wednesday reached up and pressed on it, and the mechanisms from within the door began to click and move. one of the library shelves pressed in and moved to the side, revealing a shrine for no one other than joseph crackstone. at the sides, someone had written 'blood will rain when i rise,' in red marker; you knew that it wasn't real blood. you looked closer, frowning at the sight of multiple candles that littered the small shelf below the pilgrim's painting.
"you'd think that of all the things they'd worship, they'd worship someone that isn't a colonizer," you said with a judgmental look. but to say that you were surprised that a family who hated anyone remotely different would idolize a colonizer would be a lie.
"who doesn't have a spooky built-in alter in their family library?" enid managed out with a hesitant smile.
"our is in the living room. more seating for year-long dia de los muertos," wednesday mumbled, watching as you reached forward to press a candle wick between your fingers. you pressed another wick between your fingers. your face dropped at the heat you felt from both.
"they're still warm," you told the others, hearing enid's uncomfortable whimper.
"tyler, you search the ground floor. enid, y/n, and i will search upstairs," wednesday ordered, glaring at tyler when he looked at her skeptically. "what?"
"why can't y/n stay on the ground floor?"
"scared?" you couldn't help but ask, rolling your eyes as you crossed your arms over your chest.
"she is the second person who knows the most about what is going on," wednesday said curtly, looking at tyler with narrowed eyes, "or do you need her protection?"
tyler raised his hands in surrender. "fine! jus' seems unfair, that's all."
wednesday only huffed before turning around, already making her way to the stairs.
"sad, isn't it?" you said sarcastically, moving to follow wednesday and enid as they began to walk back down the hall. you were careful not too make too much noise as you walked up the stairs, as you could hear some of the steps groan under your feet.
you walked behind wednesday and enid, looking up the walls and further up ahead to assure your temporary safety. wednesdsay came to a stop at the top of the steps, turning to the both of you. "you go left, enid and i go right."
"do you seriously want to split up? here?" enid asked frantically, her voice falling to a harsh whisper as she said, "that is literally how every best friend dies in a horror movie."
"i'll be fine. don't worry about me." you briskly turned around to search the left side of the upper floor, your hand floating over the holster of your dagger as you peeked into every room. but it seemed as though every room was rotten and decaying; bed frames were slanted off of the walls, rooms were left to the rats and spiders, and the strong smell of asbestos wafted all throughout the house.
but the longer you walkers, the more you felt as though something was wrong. something was horribly off in the house, and it wasn't the evident racism against outcasts or the fact that they had a shrine.
you peeked into the last room down the hall, your face falling at the sudden neatness of it all. it was as if every room was hit by a tornado except for this one, leaving it spotless. the pink sheets of the bed seemed washed, as did the rug that sat on the ground. not a speck of dust remained on any of the furniture, showing off how well it had been taken care of. on the side table of the bed sat a vase full of pastel pink roses.
"guys!" you called behind your shoulder, reaching out a hand to touch the roses gently. they were still fresh; not a single sign of death.
wednesday and enid ran in, their faces equally as shocked as yours as they began to poke around. enid went up next to you, gazing at the roses in thought. "these are really new," she commented, making you nod as you turned to everything else in the room.
"most of the things in here have been taken care of. even the sheets and the rug have been washed." you ran your hand down the sheets of the bed, the fabric soft under your touch.
"this is laurel gates' room," wednesday said, her eyes set on a music box. you and enid approached her, peering over her shoulders as she shone her flashlight on the embossed 'l.g.' on the outside of the box. a ballerina stood proudly inside of the open music box for all to see.
"looked like somebody moved back into their old room," enid said, her face now in what seemed like a permanent frown.
"not possible— she died 25 years ago. drowned overseas."
you placed your hand on the table where the music box sat, silently catching the attention of your roommates. you raised a finger to your lips, your hairs standing up straight as the sound of objects clattering reached all of your ears. "we have to go," you said firmly, unsheathing your dagger as you walked quickly to the doorway, peeking in both sides before motioning for them to follow.
wednesday nodded, grabbing the ballerina box as she took enid's hand and dragged her along to follow you. enid's complaint of, "this is officially the worst girls' night ever!" didn't distract you from finding a way out of the house.
"guys! get out! it's here!" tyler's panicked yell was muffled by the floors of the house. the three of you made a beeline for the stairs, fully ready to go down, until the familiar sound of claws slashing skin made you stop the other two.
the sight of the monster's shadow made your blood run cold. its claws were as sharp as you remembered it, and you found yourself gripping your dagger as hard as ever as you felt the feeling of being pierced through your back like a meat in a freezer. those long nails, sharped than daggers, were in your back only a week and a half prior.
they were the same claws that brought eugene into a coma.
and you almost found yourself giving into the impulse of revenge. the impulse that wanted you to dig your dagger into the monster just as it did to you, to give it a slow death that would allow you to watch the life die in its eyes. you wanted to tear it apart limb from limb just like it had torn apart its victims. you wanted it to experience the same pain they all felt.
but you didn't.
you pushed the dagger back into its holster. "go!" you told the others, pushing them back up the steps as you allowed yourself to turn your back to the monster, feeling the steps rattle with its every step.
"the dumbwaiter!" wednesday said, already running towards it and pushing enid inside.
it was right behind you. you could feel it walking closer and closer as you pushed wednesday into the tight space before following quickly behind her. you looked at the monster dead in its red eyes before you shut the dumbwaiter door, pushing the others back as you allowed yourself to shield them.
"oh my god, oh my god," enid whispered frantically, her hands shaky as she turned her flashlight off. you raised a finger to your lips again, your eyes wide as you looked at enid and wednesday.
they weren'y hurt. that was good.
wednesday swallowed thickly, her eyes set on the door before the dumbwaiter rattled. outside, the monster roared in anger as it tried to get to the three of you, its arms seemingly shaking the entire dumbwaiter as it only became more furious by the second. wednesday reached forward, her snood in hand as she began wrapping her snood around the two handles of the dumbwaiter to keep it shut.
"no, not your snood!" enid said desperately, her eyes pleading as she tried to stop wednesday from using the scarf she had worked so hard on.
"stop," wednesday said, her eyes stirring with something unreadable as she continued to use it to keep the handles shut. you looked at enid, who seemed close to tears, and murmured a small, 'don't worry,' that honestly didn't do as much as you hoped it would.
the sound of screeching metal reached your ears, and you turned around, your throat running dry when your eyes met bulging red ones. the monster had scratched the dumbwaiter with its three claws, allowing it to look right at the three of you. like a predator stalking its prey, it readied itself to reach inside to grab you until—
the rope snapped, sending the three of you plummeting down. enid's screams and the sound of rushing wind were all you heard before the dumbwaiter reached the basement with a loud crash, sending the three of you flying out of it.
you groaned as you landed on your back, the stinging pain pain from the healing scratches still making you wince. you prayed to the gods that the wounds didn't open up again.
you stood up, turning to enid and helping her up easily. the sound of wednesday pulling the light open made you look towards it, your heart falling at what you saw on the shelves. jars of human remains, from a foot to half a face, were neatly preserved and on display for you to see. you could feel the pain radiating off of them as you took a step closer, your face only showing your disbelief. "these body parts were taken from the monster's victims."
how could their family and friends grieve if they didn't have every part of their family member to bury as they wished?
dust fell on you with every step the monster took, the old wood practically bending under its weight as it walked slowly to where the basement door was. you rushed the two girls towards a nearby window, helping push enid up and through before pushing wednesday up.
"y/n, come on!" wednesday yelled, the monster right behind you as you forced yourself to jump up to the window, their hands grabbing you and pulling you through.
you let out a groan when you felt those familiar claws only swipe at your leg right before you were fully out of the basement. you laid on your back on the ground, your eyes set on the starless sky as you felt the pain radiate from your calf and your back. but quickly you forced yourself up, hiding your new wound with your pant leg.
"you okay?" you heard wednesday ask enid, only for her to scoff and walk away, saying 'since when do you care?' over her back.
you and enid ran down the woods, her run slowing to a jog when she saw that wednesday wasn't following her. "what the hell are you doing?!" she yelled; you had never seen her more stressed. but she had every right to be.
"we have to go back for tyler!" wednesday yelled behind her back, running quickly to the side of the house.
"we have to go with her," you told enid, who only stubbornly shook her head as she pointed in wednesday's direction.
"no! she put all of us in trouble, y/n—"
"you and i both know that you care too much about her to leave her with someone who's wounded," you hissed, making the werewolf shut her mouth immediately. "there's no place for grudges during a time like this." your words hung in the air for a few seconds, your eyes studying the discontented look on enid's face before she reluctantly nodded in agreement.
"fine."
"great." you led her back to where wednesday ran, your hand holding your dagger warily as you followed wednesday's general direction. you found wednesday knelt down next to tyler, who had three deep scratched on his chest.
she turned to enid, handing her her flashlight. "enid, hold this," she said, her voice panicked as she knelt back down to tyler. enid reluctantly held it up for her, her foot tapping impatiently on the ground.
"that thing is still inside!" enid cried, head whipping between tyler's wounded form and the area around them.
you stood by as a guard, your focus entirely on the woods and the possible areas the monster could attack. your hand held your dagger so tight that your knuckles paled, the handle's groove leaving indents on your skin. you could feel blood seep down your calf from your wound, but you refused to acknowledge it, too focused on protecting the others to even care about your own health. their panicked voices faded out into the background when you heard the crunch of nearby leaves.
your head turned quickly to the side, your dagger ready to be thrown before your muscles relaxed at the sight of xavier.
"xavier?" you asked in confusion, his face falling when he saw you.
he turned his head to the side, seeing tyler bleeding profusely from the scratched. xavier ignored wednesday's look of shock and suspicion as he tugged his scarf off of his neck, handing it to tyler. "here. take this."
tyler grunted as wednesday applied pressure to his wound, her face showing subtle signs of worry and panic as she cared for him. but she looked back at xavier in shock, her head already putting the pieces together and coming up with a conclusion for his sudden appearance.
you sat at the table next to enid and xavier, your eyes set on your fidgeting fingers as wednesday patched tyler up.
you hadn't said a word since the attack at the house, your body far too tired and your mind too spent to actually come up with meaningful words to say. you felt nothing but pain as you massaged your hands over and over; pain from the body parts you had found in the house, pain from your back hitting the ground after a week of being out of the hospital, and pain from the wound you were hiding from everyone. you were sure that your socks were now stained crimson with how the blood had seeped down, but no one had noticed that you were wounded, as your pants were black.
"thanks doc," tyler said with a weak yet lighthearted smile as wednesday placed another bandage between his scratches.
you peeked up to look at xavier after the comment. you were met with the face of jealousy and envy. clenched jaw, a subtle eye roll, a frown tugging at his lips.
he cared about her so much. it brought a small pained spark in your heart.
you nudged him from under the table with your wounded leg, ignoring the pain that shot up your calf at the action. xavier looked at you with furrowed brows, and you only mouthed, "stop being jealous."
xavier huffed at that, only turning back to look at wednesday. to say that he wasn't sure what you meant would be an understatement; he knew fully well what you meant. he liked wednesday. he wanted to tell her how he felt, but she cared so much for tyler.
of course, to you, xavier's answer seemed simple; just tell her about his feelings. but xavier was never good at words, and he was even worse at figuring out his emotions. maybe that was why he found himself sleeping with you again and again; he didn't have to deal with them if it was with you.
feeling a romantic connection with you was different from worry, in his eyes. because he found himself looking at you, fidgeting so strongly with your fingers, heavy eye bags under your eyes, the usual healthy glow of your skin now gone and replaced with something duller, and he felt nothing but worry.
now, it was his turn to nudge you. "you're quieter than usual."
"am i usually loud?"
"loud and annoying, yeah," xavier said, making you roll your eyes. you leaned back in your chair, placing your clasped hands on your chest.
"what is it?" you asked him, your voice dry as you looked at him expectedly. even your eyes didn't have the same spark in them.
"are you okay?" xavier asked, the question no bigger thna a whisper. he was looking at you with furrowed brows, his eyes tracing over your form as though he was checking for any sign of a wound.
"'m fine," you only managed out, letting out a heavy exhale through your nose. you turned your head away from him, moving your legs slightly.
but as xavier looked you over for injuries, his landed on the sock under your loose black pants. they rode up slightly as you moved— that was why you were able to get away with hiding the scratch, as the bottom of your pants had ridden up slightly while you were getting away —but your socks were white. from where xavier sat, he could see that the white cloth had been stained crimson with your blood.
he stood up abruptly. "tyler," he forced out through gritted teeth, his eyes lingering on how wednesday's hands pressed the bandages down for a second before focusing on the guy, "where's your bathroom?"
"that hallway, to the left," tyler responded, offering a small yet kind smile that xavier didn't return.
"c'mon, y/n." xavier stood next to you, offering a hand to your seated form. you looked at it with a skeptical look before looking up at xavier.
"excuse you?"
"we need to talk, y/n." xavier lied, his lie believable enough to make you groan and take his hand to stand up. he saw you wince ever so slightly when you put your weight on your wounded leg, but you played it off.
you pulled your hand away from him as you followed him into the bathroom. "what is it?" you asked confusedly as he pulled you in, shutting the door and locking it behind you.
xavier didn't respond as he set the toilet seat down to close it. "sit there," he told you, moving past you to rummage through the galpin's bathroom drawers.
you scoffed at his order, crossing your arms over your chest. "not until you tell me what was so important that you had to drag us away from them."
xavier didn't respond, pulling out a gauze pad, petroleum jelly, and a wrap around bandage. he bent down to look under their sink for clean cloths.
"gods, hello? are you even listening to me?" you asked irritatedly, your tone making xavier stand up straight and look at you.
"why didn't you tell them that you were hurt?" your look of irritation fell, confirming xavier's hunch as he sighed, shaking his head to himself. he didn't say anything as he organized the items on the floor of the bathroom, his throat moving as he swallowed. "i saw your sock when you moved. you're bleeding."
you didn't speak as you reluctantly sat on the toilet seat, relief spreading through your body at the lack of weight on your leg. you watched as he knelt down to sit on the floor in front of you, a clean cloth in his hand. he applied pressure to your wound, hearing you hiss at the feeling. "well?" he asked, looking up at you. "why didn't you?"
you clenched your jaw, wanting so deeply to avoid his gaze, but his green eyes were searching your face for some kind of answer. "it wasn't important. just a scratch."
"tyler got a scratch too."
"why are you bringing him up? you literally hate the guy."
"and how do you know that?" xavier challenged, making you scoff.
"i see the way you look at wednesday. how you want her to look at you with the same look she gives tyler," you said, sighing as you continued, "how you want her to care for you the same way she was caring for tyler. it's nice— slightly sad —but nice because all of your problems could be fixed if you just told her how you feel."
xavier looked up at you at that. his eyes were clouded with something you couldn't read, his small murmur of, "i don't think that'll work," making you groan in frustration.
"seriously, xavier. just tell her—"
"stop changing the subject, y/n." xavier's voice wasn't firm at all. he didn't even seem irritated with you as he continued to apply pressure to your calf. his voice was soft as he addressed you, only full of worry as he continued to treat you. "why didn't you tell anyone?"
you swallowed thickly. "i didn't want anyone to help me."
xavier didn't say anything. he stood up, exchanging the bloodied cloth with a clean one. he ran it under the water of the sink before sitting back down in front of you and your leg. he gently cleaned it with the wet cloth, choosing his words carefully before he asked, "why?"
your hands clenched and unclenched, showing your obvious nervousness before you replied. "because it makes me feel weak. weaker than i already am."
you expected him to laugh. to tease you for being so sensitive about meaningless acts of service. to poke at you for complaining about being weak when there were other pressing matters to worry about.
but xavier only hummed in response. he grabbed the petroleum jelly as he set the wet cloth down. he waited for a minute for your leg to air dry, taking the moment of silence to speak.
"i'll patch you up quietly, then. whenever you want me to."
he wasn't sure if there was something hidden behind that small promise of his. xavier's eyes pulled away from you as he put petroleum jelly on your wound, his touch so gentle as he spread the ointment. he feared that too much pressure you make you wince again; he didn't want you to worry about that.
but as he said that comment, that small reassuring quote that would have meant nothing if xavier wasn't an overthinker, he wasn't sure what he was promising. the thing is, xavier did overthink. he folded his thoughts over and over a lot in his head, to the point where art was his way of dealing with it all.
that was why a part of him knew that there was a hidden meaning behind that statement that even he couldn't figure out. as he sat on the floor of the bathroom, patching up your leg so tenderly, the words simply felt like more than what it was. more than those two sentences.
and while you never wanted to hold onto a promise, you could only nod in response.
ACT VI
#AUTHORSNOTE— i feel like this is the longest part i've ever done but oh well! i hope you all enjoyed it and thank you sm for all the support lately it makes me wanna write even more xx
#TAGLIST (usernames that aren't underlined are unable to be tagged) — @gamorxa @rayliz793 @cali-888 @targaryensswp @hopefulfuturenovelauthor @just-amess @maystecc @cmac-writes @ahnneyong @importantpuppyshark @mannstarkey @alienm0vie @carinacassiopeiae @simonsbluee @g3org1al33 @killmewithafanfic @nattheartless13 @astrynyx @idontknowwhattodo35 @addisonnie @wxnderingthoughts @r1dd1kulus @smol-book-nerd @555stargirl555 @wonderlandco @siriuslysmoking @skye231 @boomitsallie1 @southernraven @buckleylips @yunoguns @theprettytragic @levylovegood @slut4fictionalcharacters28 @archernotfound @trixiemills @sucker4angstt @charliedaltonsteponme @wittle-bunnyboo @rowanlaslowsgf @importantpuppyshark @blehhhhdhdhbs @parkersmyth @holachicos @nanamin-pointo @chicken-taco-burrito @manofworm @sincerest-one @lp223344 @alexayoonlee @queer-coded @whore-for-eddie
#wednesday imagine#wednesday fanfic#xavier thorpe x reader#xavier thorpe#xavier thorpe fanfic#xavier thorpe x y/n#xavier thorpe smut#xavier thorpe imagines#xavier thorpe imagine#xavier x reader#xavier smut#xavier wednesday#xavier thorpe wednesday#xavier imagines#enid sinclair#wednesday addams#xavier fanfic#xavier thorpe fanfiction#xavier fanfiction#xavier wednesday fanfiction#wednesday imagines#wednesday#TONGUES&TEETH—!
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Pumpkin picking
Sooo this is the fic ive been working on!! It's a silly lil huntlow/hexsquad fic that takes place the day before TTT!! Also it's my first fic posted here, so don't be too harsh pls
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"So, are we there yet?"
"Hunter, this is your third time asking", Amity sighed. "However, are we there yet?"
"Yeah, it's right over this hill!" Luz said. "But i wanna do a dramatic reveal, so you have to climb up the hill first, and i'll show you and you all will gasp!"
"Whatever makes you happy", Amity said. She hasn't seen Luz smiling much in the past couple of weeks, but this brought her so much joy, so Amity didn't mind some theatrics.
Luz stood on the top of the hill, covering most of the field beside it with her arms and body. She was wearing a red shirt with some bats, a black denim jacket, a pair of black shorts, her usual white boots and unmatched striped socks. It was pretty warm for Gracefield that autumn, so she took advantage of that. Luz watched her friends line up in front of her and took a good look at them - they all decide to wear halloweeny outfits for the ocasion.
Amity was wearing and orange turtleneck, a black skirt with buttons and black heeless shoes. She tucked her hair back with a headband, Sabrina Spellman-style, and looked determined(and extremely beautiful). Gus stood next to her, and he was practically shaking with excitement. He dressed up in an orange sweatshirt with a pumpkin face drawn on it, a pair of black jeans and black converse shoes. Hunter slightly calmed Gus by putting his hand on his shoulder. Hunter himself was wearing an orange shirt with another white long-sleeved shirt under it, light blue jeans and a pair of red crocks, which looked horrendous, but Luz was happy that Hunter was discovering his fashion sence(even if it's awful). Willow, who was standing beside him, was rocking a long black dress with many layers. She tied her hair into a small ponytail, and, for some reason, her footwear of choice was a pair of yellow rubber boots. Luz perfectly knew the energy that was sparking between Willow and Hunter - these two, for sure, wanted to hold hands, but couldn't bring themselves to do it. Vee was absent - she said something about dishes to wash, but Luz was pretty sure it was her strange secret fear of pumpkins.
"A-a-and, you can look!", Luz put her hands down, and the gang saw a field of pumpkins.
"This is not as exciting as i expected..." Hunter said.
"This is just as exciting as i expected!", Gus yelled.
"Okay, first we need to split! I'm going with Amity and Gus," Luz said with a sly smile. "And Hunter is going with Willow! Okaythatsitthelastonetogettothefieldisaloser!"
After blurting it out, she grabbed Amity's and Gus' hands and ran down the hill. Hunter and Willow rushed after them. They gave up almost immediately and decided to walk slowly and take their time.
The first minutes alone with Willow were awkward. Her eyes were so green, full of confusion and wonder. She had a beautiful smile on her face. All the orange around them highlighted her black dress. All Hunter could think about is how much he wanted to hold her hand. And all he did was trying to stare at pumpkins, not at her.
But then she said:
"Look, this pumpkin looks exactly like our abomination teacher did after we beat their team at flyer derby!"
That just made Hunter burst out laughing and broke the tension.
"Can we not choose this one then? That guy creeped me out. Maybe we should take that one that looks like a coffee cup."
"A cup of pumpkin spice latte!"
"Exactly!"
"I love pumpkin spice," Willow said, hiding her eyes away. "Maybe we should get some someday. Like, um, just the two of us..."
Hunter knew what that meant - Luz watched all those crappy romcoms all the time, and when one character wanted to date another character, this is exactly what they said. This meant a lot.
Willow wanted to date him.
Willow wanted to date him!
This thought filled Hunter's entire mind and heart. His face was so red he was sure it's actually on fire. Panic overtook him, and the best he could do is say:
"Yea...um...i need to go to...wash my flowers and...sorry..."
He walked away, slowly at first, but then just started running.
What was he running from? A girl he really, really likes liked him back... Maybe that actually was the reason. No one's ever looked at him like Willow. No one talked to him like her - like she knew everything about him, and accepted all of him. And that novelty was scary, even though Hunter knew that-
He tripped and fell on his face. Great. Absolutely what he needed right now.
"Oh my titan, dude, you found the best one!"
It was Gus' voice. Hunter turned around and saw Luz, Amity and Gus. The latter was holding the pumpkin Hunter tripped on.
"I totally agree!" Amity said. "It's big, and tough, and just the right color!"
Willow reached the group. "Does anyone want to ask Hunter if he's okay, guys?"
"I'm fine", Hunter replied. He looked at Willow, who was so worried about him, and still cared deeply about him even after he ran from her, and added: "And yes. I'd love to go with you very much."
"Go...Where?" Luz said, confused.
"It's a long story," Hunter said. He stood up. "Let's grap this pumpkin and head home."
Him and Willow were holding hands the entire trip back.
#not art#the owl house#toh#the owl house fanfiction#the owl house fanfic#toh fanfiction#huntlow fanfiction#huntlow fic#winter fic#luz noceda#amity blight#willow park#gus porter#hunter wittebane#huntlow#hunter x willow#winter
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Ode to Togashi
Stream of conscientious incoherent rant about manga/hxh below, read at your own discretion as i AM NOT EDITING IT:
While I’m still in the mood to talk about art and what i love about manga, i feel like i wanted to share (some) of my thoughts on why HXH continues to be one of my favorite stories. Togashi’s writing method continues to be probably like, the closest one that i aspire to replicate in my own work, partly because i love to see how much it builds and learns from itself, reinvents itself, ect. But i DONT think Hxh is perfect, even if i wouldn’t change anything about it or togashi’s writing style.
When I first got into HXH, it was actually through the old anime. I watched that all the way thru before reading the manga, and when i was watching the anime it was during a period of time when i hated all shonen. I still kinda hate “the shonen” model, despite loving many shonen series, but something abt HXH pulled me in to give it a try and i was quickly hooked. I of course, already had experience with YYH growing up as a teen but i somehow missed HXH completely until my early 20s. I had already started trying comics by then, but it was EGGSHELLS and i had not started FFAK at that point.
HXH almost lost me at greed island my first round, ngl. I appreciate it now, andi still think the set up for Greed island was amazing but the arc itself.. I was not into it, mostly cause i think the villain for it was kinda lackluster and i didn’t really think the world of greed island had a strong design sense. There was interesting aspects, i enjoyed Bisque as a new character and she helped carry a LOT of the weight of that arc for me, but it was kind of a drag. IDK if it was also partly the adaptation for that arc, but i didn’t enjoy it much more in manga form either. It just went a bit faster. However, the end of that arc and the final fight was surprisingly brutal and enjoyable, which made me optimistic and helped me to continue. And then the chimera ant arc was the first arc i read ONLY manga first and i truly fell in love with it, obsessed even. That arc, as many readers already know, is probably like the closest thing to FFAK’s “Parent” for inspiration. Obviously, FFAK draws from a lot of things (Trigun is probably the 2nd strongest influence on FFAK) but it isn’t quite the same as HXH. As MUCH as i adore hunter x hunter part of me does cringe and laugh that like, in the end, a battle shonen manga still excited me that much but like.. As MUCH as i clearly love battle manga.. I am so over them. You know? Who cares. IMO. No matter how great it looks, i probably am never going to be more impressed (visually) with an action scene than the ones Yukito Kishiro drew. He did it, He won the action manga game to me. I have no idea what’s actually happening in Gunnm most of the time but as far as the visual spectacle of it all, it literally doesn't even make sense how good his action scenes look. (I could talk a lot about Gunnm too, but i’ll save that for another time IG) Like how the fuck does someone draw that good and it just made everything else by comparison just like, not.. Matter too much to me anymore. Which is great, because I can then look at other aspects for a work rather than just being drawn in by the visuals. And stuff.
Where i’m at now.. I dont want to read another, even if its drawn well and .. the powers are SO powering or whatever. And i love to draw action scenes, they’re really hard and i still have so much more to go to learn about them. At best, I think im okay at them. But even when i work, i just get tired now so i cut them down a lot. Thats partly because i jsut dont have the time to draw fighting scenes. So i kind of feel embarrassed by a lot of them that ive made, i know I was lazy. Lazy in a way I’m not proud of the result, but im proud of the compromises to get the shit done. Which is the most important think in the end, to juggle your own expectations and limitations with the timeframe you have to get somewhere you need to go. I will still read more action/battle manga in the future.. But im in no rush. And im certain, for the most part, they arent going to teach me anything I don’t already know. They might entertain me and i might be like “..huh!” at a few things, but my expectation for them to do more than that is pretty low. I’m delighted when im wrong, but i cannot deny the apathy towards them is super deep. Togashi to me, is one those authors, that makes me really wake up and realize there’s still a lot of unexpected territory out there.
He writes like an enthusiastic newbie, not a seasoned old timer that he is, who basically helped popularize the “tournament arc” and “dark edgy shonen” stuff with YYH. All his characters in HXH are geniuses, which is kind of a valid critique and can be annoying as hell too… Id say most readers dont really get how the hell nen works, yet somehow the story still functions so well in its character motivations/conflicts that it kinda doesn’t matter too much that.. It doesnt really make sense? We have to relearn what nen is basically every arc. Its not gonna stick. And yet im just so excited every time it updates and i really want to know what he wants to do with his new arc, if he is going to be able to do it. Nen to me is like a fake fantasy science that is tangible and real yet also you’re in a dream and you try to read the letters on a page, and you can read it but if you stare hard at it. The words are just blurs, or it doesn’t really connect. I like that there’s this malleable illusion that it functions in a way, that is concrete, but it isn’t really. But its enough that i can believe that for the characters, who are also not real, it is real for them.
The fact that i can talk about “”””NeN””” like this to me is essentially why it becomes the perfect shonen to me because it takes itself so seriously, so genuinely, yet it also is nonsense but not in the way where its like.. Irony poisoned, “gotcha” twists? Im sick of all these subverting shonens that arent subverting anything. Or even just the attitude that is what makes a good shonen these days is to subvert, diminish, laugh, ect at shonen while completely stepping inside the same footprints again and again. So much manga just wants to be dragon ball, but dragon ball was good cuz it was just a fun, well drawn action manga that wasn’t trying to BE dragonball. It was just dragon ball. (maybe now its trying to be dragon ball, which is why i dont care about whatever sequel attempt we’re at now, but that’s another story.)
Its fun to me that i dont know if Gon is gonna come back in Hxh. like, maybe he will and his powers will be restored ect.. But at the time of writing this, and for YEARS we just.. Have the main pals of the manga separated. Their friendship has changed. There’s a great shift in it. Gon met his dad, who sucks, but that kind of was his main quest. Sure, we have kurapika’s arc, and many other routes to go - but in a weird way HXH is done and it isn’t done at the same time. I’m just like, what are we going to do now. TOGASHI said flat earth real and was like, the other half of it is UNEXPLORED AND SO DARN DANGEROUS and theres SOM BIGGGGG DINOSAURS THERE and it just feels so gleefully like.. You’re on the swingset and some kid just keeps having to up the stakes but in the most kid-like way possible. For serious. But Togashi’s 58. But he’s right too, the dark continent IS so cool.. I just imagine leorio going there and getting so sick and shitting mutant diahrea and dying the SECOND he sets foot there and its awesome. That’s NOT what’s going to happen but im delighted at the opportunity.
This is the point where I’m writing something when i take a pause and wonder how the hell i got here. I have skimmed the above written text. Whatever point i think i was going to make, wasn’t made, but i expressed.. good feelings here. This is how i write. I typed all of that in about 15 minutes with no idea where it was gonna go. Part of the process now would be to go back, organize, edit, ect. To *TRY* to make it a little more comprehensible, as with all writing. Believe it or not i have gotten better at editing my own work. But the true nature of it all is still the same. And its the same in the way that i dont want, no matter how much i improve at my craft, i dont want to lose that enthusiasm i feel when i reach 58. I think that would be such a triumph, id be so lucky to be able to muster that energy. When I think of togashi, i think he has that. He has that real artistic spark that no amount of time/experience has ever diminished and that’s why i think he’s truly my personal favorite mangaka.
(maybe tezuka too)
#felt like sharing more of my journals#ive really cut down on these but you know what .. fuck it#togashi time#hunter x hunter#togashi#hope anyone enjoys this if you manage to read it#its kinda all over the place lmao
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Hunted
Pairing: Liam Dunbar x reader
Warnings: None
Chapter: 5.09
Liam leaves your side and storms towards his alpha, “What do you mean no?”
“Liam, look at her,” Scott says quietly. “She’s too weak. It will kill her. Plus, we don’t know what attacked her; it could be something that’s already started to turn her.”
Your attention is drawn to Theo, who starts cleaning some of the sweat off your forehead, “I’ve got a confession to make. I found out who your biological dad was, which was pretty easy considering how hard your mom tried to hide the truth from you.”
You give him a pleading look with your eyes, mentally begging him to somehow end this. “You were right, btw. The name you scored off your list was in fact your dad's name.”
No.
“You promised!” Liam yells. “You promised me you’d do everything you could.”
“Which is why I’m not going to do something I think is going to kill her. There has to be…” Scott begins to gasp for breath. “There has to be…”
Theo winks at you before putting on a concerned voice and giving Scott his inhaler. “Guys,” he says, squeezing your hand. “We need to do something, otherwise she’s not going to make it.”
—
You awake with a burning pain shooting through your body. You feel as if your heart and head are about to explode at the same time. The inside of your ears start to hurt when multiple alarms start to go off at once.
“She is awake! She’s awake! Mason, go get Liam now!”
You open your eyes to see Melissa McCall standing over you, adjusting one of the IV drips. She smiles at you brightly, “It's working. You just need to keep fighting, okay?” When you try to speak, she frowns and says, “No, no, honey, you've got to save your strength.”
“He's…” Your voice comes out extremely hoarse and crackly. “Is..." in…”, you start to gasp for breath.
“Shh, shh, please don't say anything else.”
You ignore her instructions and continue trying to talk. “Theo... Scott... danger!”
She leans in closer to you, looking alarmed at hearing the word danger right after her son's name. “He's... he's…” Tears spill from your eyes as the pain becomes more intense, but you refuse to give up trying to warn her. “He... he...He’s going to kill Scott.”
Melissa drops whatever’s in her hands and runs from the room. Seconds later, everything goes black.
—
Your eyes flutter open and the first thing you spot is a figure slouched in a chair with her head resting near your feet. You can only see the back of them, but you already know who it is.
“Derek?”
He slowly sits up and turns to face you. He looks petrified and exhausted, “y/n…”
“Lulana, I don’t like being called that. Kate was the only one who ever really called me by my first name.”
An uneasy feeling settled in your chest. Why did he come? And was he really your dad?
You try to clear your throat but end up coughing instead. Derek picks up the cup of water from the table and brings it to your lips. You take a drink from it before continuing. “Uh thanks, are you?”
He answers before you have the chance to finish the questions. “They ran a DNA test, and it’s a match.”
Your mind feels as if it’s going into overdrive. Derek Hale was your real father, but the man who raised you as his own was recently killed by your mom. That, paired with all the other shit that was going on, would give anyone a headache.
“Why did you come?”
He sits down on the foot of the bed, “Scott called me.”
“He’s alive?”
Derek nods. Tears of relief fall from the corner of your eyes.
“I didn’t know.” His voice was so low it was hardly audible. “I never knew Kate had a daughter until I saw you that day in Mexico.”
“Believe it or not, I’d made a list of all the potential fathers and removed your name from it because I didn’t actually think Kate would go anywhere near a werewolf.”
“I know. Stiles showed me the list in his room.”
“He just showed you his crime board?”
He shrugs, “I might have twisted his arm a bit.”
You had no idea if he was joking or not. Stiles referred to Derek as a ‘sour wolf,’ and he was very aggressive. You wondered if he’d always been like that or if what Kate did made him that way. hybrid. Theo’s voice echoed in your ears, and you knew what he meant. You were a Hale and an Argent.The thought of coming from a proud family of hunters amused you, and you let out a small laugh thinking about it.
“What’s so funny?” Derek asks, confused.
“The Argent family really is one big joke. Our name literally means silver, but yet we can’t stay away from werewolves.”
He stared at you blankly, “Your boyfriend has been waiting outside for days. He hardly ever leaves.”
“Days? How long was I out for?”
“Three days. Chris was here but he needed to leave. He said it was urgent and that he would be back with help.”
You sigh, “is Liam outside now?”
“No, but your other friends are,” he answers bluntly. “Do you want me to get them?”
“How long are you staying for?”
“However long you want me here for.”
The Calavera Kate, Hunters.
A sinking realization presses on your gut, “I don’t want you putting your life in danger by staying here.”
He lets out a soft chuckle, “I’m not the priority anymore.”
The moment he opens the door and gives a nod for the others to come in, Stiles practically shoves him out of the way to get to you. Derek lets out a low growl, clearly irritated when Stiles pulls in for a tight hug.
"Seriously? Are we doing the overprotective dad act already?” Stiles asks sarcastically.
Not finding him funny anymore, you hit him in the arm lightly. Your eyes light up when Mason walks into the room carrying a tray of food for you. “I knew you'd be hungry,” he says as he places the tray on the table beside you. “You had us so scared, Lu, I honestly thought you were a goner.”
Your eyes continually shift between your two friends, Derek and the doorway, as they explain that Theo had been working for the dreadful doctors. It surprised you how natural it felt having Derek, occasionally chiming in. They fill you in on Hayden dying and coming back to life, but each time you ask where Liam was during all that time, they avoid the questions or change the subject.
“Where’s Liam?” You ask.
“He’s coming by later,” Mason says, faking a smile. “I called him. He was so excited that you were finally awake; he almost cried.”
You look between your friends and notice how shifty they have suddenly become. “What aren’t you guys telling me?”
Stiles looks hesitant, “he’s coming later because…”
“He’s coming later because he can’t be around Scott at the moment,” Derek says interrupting.
“Yip, thanks for that,” Stiles says, giving him a thumbs up. “Now your answer is going to lead to more questions that we can’t answer.”
You become irritated quickly as they go back and forth on how much they should tell you. Suddenly, the door swings open and Liam runs over to you. He hugs you tightly. “I’m so sorry, Lulana,” he sobs. “I had no idea Theo was the one who attacked you. I trusted the wrong person and almost got you killed.”
You can see the rage of emotions on Derek's face, and notice the daggers Stiles is giving your boyfriend as well.
You cup the side of his face, “we all fell for his act.”
“You didn’t,” Stiles chimes in. “You warned me about him. “You figured it out before the rest of us." He stands up from the chair he’s in, “I need to get going. Scott and I are going to Mexico.” He motions for Mason to follow him and taps Derek on the shoulder, “Let’s give them a moment to talk.”
Reluctantly, Derek stands and glares directly at your boyfriend, who is shaking with nerves beside you. “I will be right outside.”
He slams the door shut behind him. You brush it off and look at Liam, “Where have you been?”
He avoids your gaze, “I went for a walk because Scott was here. He doesn’t want to be around me right now.”
“Why not?”
“Because I... I tried to kill him.”
#teen wolf#liam dunbar x reader#Liam Dunbar x you#teen wolf rewrite#teen wolf fanfiction#teen wolf fandom#teen wolf x reader#Liam Dunbar#derek hale#stiles stilinski#mason hewitt#theo reaken#hunted#Liam Dunbar/oc#Liam Dunbar/reader#Liam Dunbar/you
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sorryyy its late and i am filled with joy and whimsy. i love them so much, my sibling always gets annoyed with me cuz theyre all i talk about.. can you blame me? to have that vast boring nothingness shift into excitement and happiness and real true love? if you were me, youd talk about it too
its so funny cuz my life seems to move in cycles, familiar patterns that ive grown really sick of.. traumatizing and terrible, horrible bloody mess.... and then the most long drawn out boring slice of life youve ever witnessed. trauma! nothing! trauma! nothing! really tired of that.. i never thought that my nothing could be broken with joy, isnt that strange? for once, im not really hurting anymore. when i do hurt, i can handle it on my own and let go, and if its too much then i know im safe to express it
ive come such a long way, i dont tend to see myself positively, but.. its hard not to be proud. guys it turns out all you need to be happy is like. LOVE isnt that so corny isnt that so unbelievably predictable... APPARENTLY its true, i guess it feels different when yr actually experiencing it firsthand
im like on the verge of tears right now but. theres no sweeter joy than this, its so fucking BIZARRE. how did it happen this way? all the little bits and pieces that fell into place, delivered me angels and made me whole again.. cheesy, i know im being cheesy but i cant help it!! im sweet on them as often as i can be but theres still a lot of things i just.. dont have the strength to say directly. so i say them here, im sure only one of you will see this anyways. but i dont need either of you to see it, just speaking my feelings out into open air eases my mind a bit more
sometimes im like wow! theres no way this is healthy im . can i really experience true love? love that doesnt hurt? love thats REAL? as much as im tempted to deny it, im living it every day!!! i wake up and theyre both there to greet me, isnt that sweet? the first people i speak to when i wake up, the last people i say goodnight to when i go to sleep
i think i just need someone, i think im the kind of person that just.. ive been alone for a while, its OKAY its whatever, ive definitely grown used to it but. i thrive when im with them, its so? maybe all i need is someone else to keep me here.. ive got two!!!!!
maybe thats not clear enough
the way id get through that droning loneliness is escapism, nonstop daydreams and dissociation, i was barely here. only to eat and take care of my body a little bit, then its back to fantasy, because .. theres people who love me in my dreams! but.. im honestly finding it so hard to slip back into that habit now. its scary, because its whats kept me safe. hiding in fiction has kept me safe, kept me calm, happy.. but i cant shake it out of my head!!!! any time i try to fall back into those routines, the only thing i can think of is THEM.. like yeah this is great and all but.. i dont want to be trapped in my head anymore!!! theyre out there, i want to be out there..
if im honest? its terrifying. im forced to come to terms with ME as a person, who i am, something ive neglected to acknowledge for my entire life, but. im so completely wrapped up in my love for them that i hardly think about that!!!!! for once, it sorta almost feels like time is moving how it should be.. like every day that passes is different, every day that passes is SPECIAL. it hurts me to say this, but i think i love being alive? can you imagine that? how is it possible that two strangers could just.. fall into my life one day and before i even know it, im healing, im happy, im whole. MAKE ME SICKK its so foul. its almost pathetic!!! is that really all ive needed? this whole time, and i couldnt find ONE proper candidate throughout 20 years of life? its hard to really be upset about it, cuz.. ive got them now. thats all that matters
idk, i just. i think its really telling the kind of people they are, i know im only me, but.. for what its worth, theyve improved my life so drastically, i wouldve never thought id see myself happy like this. they do that for me, they do that and so much more. i love you 💞
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Idk if that's the appropriate topic for an ask so feel free to ignore, but what's your opinion on the new kids in enstars (and on Mr. Thunder)?
i wouldnt say theres any topic thats FORBIDDEN or not appropriate for an ask, because i love interactions like these & talking to people A LOT and want them to happen as often as humanely possible, but i would prefer to avoid enst talks that are more than necessary 😭 some of my older followers already know the below cut but it is a lot to talk about so i put it there, but i will include my opinion of them there too at the end (though it wont be much)
i always bring back previous fandoms ive drawn a lot for from time to time, either as little references or drawings again for those fandoms, but enst was quite literally something that was so out of the ordinary for me to bring back because i outright stated before its highly unlikely for it to happen — furthermore i even have rbs off on most if not all of my old enst arts because i have very bad memories with this thing. i cant even say it is the fandoms problem but just with the canon things there are in itself and how i am 😭 the fandom it has especially on here was super nice and lovely to be around —, but i didnt shy away from drawing shu again because to me right now hes literally just pink ribbons . and probably my love for ribbons exceeds any kind of love ive ever had for a character before. i think its fine to talk about it sometimes again but i really would want to avoid it as much as possible, still, for nothing else but my own mental health 😭
this will be previous things that have happened that i also did mention publicly back then so its nothing new to my older followers, but i did take not one but TWO hiatuses from it (and a bit from art on the first one as well) due to enst taking a high toll on my mental health, with the second being a bit permanent but i dont know if that really fits with how ive drawn shu (and hiyori once now) again; though those were again fine by me because shu is okay in my books and the only one that im willing to even discuss anymore and the whole thing with hiri and hiyori together i even thought about before so i thought itd be cool to draw, but i was even thinking of mentioning i dont really want more enst related requests past these because its already a bit much to me.
i have enst, all words related to it and whatnot muted on all my socials, so also with this i think it is even a miracle i did see the new guys, but sincerely i know NOTHING about them because i do not care 😭 i just saw their designs and that was it. i hope mr nice gets a better gradient suit and i hope the kids (?) do not get to experience. the horrors. but they absolutely will because theyre stuck in enstars
i like the purple ones design and uhhhh the blue one with outwards huge hair looks like kanatas distant relative, so if he doesnt go puka puka too what even is the point
#the sumi rambles#please dont feel bad about asking this; i know you had no way of knowing and im not saddened by it so its fine 😭#just giving a heads up this is a . no enstars zone ever since march of 2023 probably
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Hello sweetie ! Congratulations for your 1k, you totally deserve it, your writing is so soft and, how could I say it, light? I mean it's always so sweet to read and I'm always in a good mood after ❤️
If I dare ask for a little cupcake🧁 (but really if you don't feel it or don't have time it's ok ^^, I'm just really curious 🫣)
About me: I'm a short woman (157,5cm) but I'm kinda okay with it. True Hufflepuff, I have only a few friends but they mean the world to me. I love reading (fantasy or swashbuckling novel kind), my puzzles and just enjoying my time quietly or with some music. I'm shy at first but when I'm at ease, I laugh at good jokes and can't stop talking, mostly when the subject is interesting. I love when I can have a real talk with people, not just small talk, I can't stand hypocrisy.
I think that's it. Thank you for taking time to read this at the very least and really, don't feel presure ❤️
Have a lovely day and again, congratulations 🌸🌸🌸
Val 🌸
hi val! thank you so much for the congratulations! I’ve never had someone describe my writing as ‘light’ before so i’m quite happy that you did and even more happy to know that you feel better afterwards! thank you also for wanting to celebrate my milestone with me through a cupcake! I’m sorry i took so long, darling and i hope you enjoy!
from what you’ve told me, i ship you with Remus Lupin!
i. you two are a match made in heaven! Such a true pair, in fact, many people speculated you were dating before you two even spoke a word to each other, they just found so many similarities between you. The rumours grew so much that it eventually reached the two of you and made your first encounters rather awkward. there was a lot of teasing from the marauders on remus’s end whereas your friends also teased you on your side of things so it took a little longer for the two of you to properly get acquainted outside the rumours people had built up around you
ii. deep down, you didn’t want to succumb to their fantasies of what your relationship with remus should be, platonic or romantic, but you couldn’t help but be drawn to him and him, you. even though it made it hard to spot you in a crowd, remus adored your shorter size compared to him, it was a charming size difference to him. people often see him looming over you with a soft and tender aura, his gaze gentle on your adorable form doing mundane things before him. you, however, found a lot of comfort in his towering height, it was very helpful having him around to get books from higher shelves in the library or have him easily cast his cloak over you if it ever started raining. since his presence was largely comforting compared to his size, you’ve grown a particular fondness for his loftiness.
iii. the two of you have this thing where you’d exchange some books for the summer and return to provide your reviews in person. remus quickly grew to know which genres and tropes you liked in a book and often searched for them, even pushing himself to read them quickly before summer so that he could lend them to you and the two of you can have fun going through the story together. people would usually find you both pressed close together on a library or common room sofa sharing a book with you leaning in close as remus hovers from above your height, his gaze regularly drifting to stare at you
iv. you introduce him to puzzles and he introduces you to chess. he teaches you well and soon enough you’re beating him at almost every game of chess he challenges you for. it hurts his pride to have you overtake him so quickly in terms of skill but he doesn’t know that it’s only because you worked so hard in order to impress him. your efforts weren’t in vein either, because he really was impressed and, over time, grew to accept the challenge and looked forward to every chess match with you.
v. for puzzles, you got him a huge elaborate one as a present and the two of you worked through it together over the christmas holidays when he - and the rest of the marauders - decided to stay at hogwarts for sirius. the boys can’t count how many hours you and remus spent by the common room fire going over the puzzle together as you softly humm christmas jingles under your breath. The boys would have complained more about you stealing ‘their remus’ despite not being official if you didn’t bribe them with snacks and treats from the kitchens. — ‘she’s a keeper remus!’ peter cheers around a mouthful of pastries before chugging some of his hot chocolate along with sirius and james who fought over the chocolate chip cookies.
vi. another favourite activity you and remus liked to do together was reading in bed together as soft melodies played from an enchanted lyre you were gifted by your aunt who adored music. He’d have one of his long arms stretched out across your shoulders as he read his book in one hand while you rested your head against his chest and flipped through the pages in front of you. whenever the marauders would see you too cuddled up and comfy together, they would pucker their lips in mock kisses and dramatically flutter their lashes until remus threw a spare pillow at them and you became a giggling mess.
vii. remus could listen to you talk all day long, adding in his own thoughts and theories here and there but not often. you’d be sat next to him as he rested his chin against his palm, propped up by his elbow on the desk. it was when you two were mid sentence that you finally saw the adoring look in his eyes and stuttered to a stop. remus saw no fault in your flustered appearance and simply tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear before uttering “go on…”. after this moment, a flip switched between you two and it wasn’t long before you made it official with a bashful but sweet kiss between the bookshelves of the hogwarts library.
viii. like a true hufflepuff you were loyal to him, you didn’t care of his scars or his ‘furry little problem’ when he finally confided in you his struggles, especially when the boys urged him to be more open as his secrecy put a noticeable strain in your relationship. you were there for every full moon no matter if your role wasn’t like the boys, in fact, you took care of all the boys before and after a full moon to show your support and willingness to help — a demonstration of true love that remus wouldn’t ever dare breaking or take for granted
ix. honourable mention, i also, lowkey ship you with, james potter! He’s a sweetheart but a little intense and you’re someone who grounds him gently, your presence calms him and makes him feel like everything is going to be okay, which is especially good whenever he has pre-game jitters for quidditch matches - you’re like his lucky charm. He’s just as talkative as you are so the conversations the two of you share are always so engaging that other surrounding people feel compelled to listen in. sucks for them, however, because you two make up a lot of code names and shortcut phrases that only you two know the meaning of to be able to understand. you’re the first person to call james out on his hypocrisy when it comes to the treatment of slytherins as some aren’t as bad as the louder, more evil ones tend to be. you made him see through his own prejudices and fixed up his act as soon as you said ‘i hate hypocrites, james,’. you made him a better person and he loves you for that.
#☀︎ : 1k#☀︎ : 1k milestone#🧁 : cupcake 1k#remus lupin#james potter#remus lupin x reader#james potter x reader
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amateur art advice from an amateur artist.
disclaimer. this isn't for people who want to make art their jobs (some of the advice may be useful to you, but some will very much not be). keep that in mind.
1. it's okay if you're not good. seriously. what matters is that you're creating and having fun (and if you're not having fun, perhaps there's something wrong).
good is subjective. when I was 13 and I drew big pretty anime eyes for the first time, I was super happy! and for me, it looked good. and it still looks good for someone out there, just like how people tell you how good your art looks when you think it's mediocre. it's not. your art is good, because you made it. Its true quality does not matter until you need it to for work. You're still learning, be good to yourself.
2. you've heard the PRACTICE advice from everyone ever, so I'll go with something different : try new stuff.
for all the summer holidays of 2021, I didnt draw at all, only doodled silly cats because yknow. mental illness. when I drew again, I tried drawing a full body pose, which I never succeeded in doing before. and I did it! obviously it wasn't perfect, but it was the best ive ever done. and now im pretty okay with drawing poses!
so try new stuff. try to draw busts from another angle, try to draw profiles. draw noses, draw combat poses, draw folds and old people and fat people and black people because i know most of the starting artists start with one type of character and stick to it (for me, it was front facing busts of skinny white girls with straight hair and no nose).
this also counts for objects, and animals, try to draw them (and try to draw people if you've only ever drawn animals or objects)
and again, it does not matter if it doesn't look good at first. don't get discouraged. your favorite artists have something they struggle with, the most famous and respected artists have struggled with some things and probably still disliked some parts of their work at their peak.
3. look at people. try to draw who you see. if you don't get out much or are scared to draw people when they're with you, then draw from photographs you have, or references (im begging new artists to look at references of actual human people. I'm on my knees. references are important, study what you see).
study your own face! when you take selfies or when you put on makeup or even just when you see your reflection - if you can, look at your face, the shape of your eyes, your nose, your lips, your face. I rediscovered this year that I actually have freckles and realized I have more of them on one side than the other. I realized my face is actually pretty androgynous and I have a soft square jaw. look at people. look at yourself, look at everything around you.
4. learn and try the tips other artists give you. once someone said that to draw both eyes the same way, you had to draw them at the same time, step by step, instead of doing one then the other. and it works! for me at least. don't be afraid to try stuff. you don't even have to keep doing it if you don't like how it looks or doesn't fit with your style, that's fine! just try to do things for a while, and if in the end it doesn't work out, you at least know this is a thing that exists and you know it doesn't work for you. knowledge is useful.
5. STOP. BEING. SO. HARD. ON. YOURSELF.
no one cares there's 10 years old kids who can draw better than you. no one cares you're starting at 30 years old, or 40, 50, any age that isn't teenagehood. and if there's people who care, they should not. you should draw because you want to. if drawing isn't making you happy, then stop, or try something else. if you are able, take art classes! do whatever makes you happy and stop thinking what you're doing is cringe, or bad, or ugly. it does not matter. what matters is if you're having fun or not. how "cringe" or "basic" it is does not matter.
I hope you keep loving art and I hope you keep doing art because there are people who want to see it. even if you think it's mediocre, even if it really is, even if you're a beginner. I hope you never stop doing art because you think it's never going to amount to anything.
good luck doing art, and have fun!
#this has been in my drafts forever!#if you have more advice for amateur artists#do tell in tags reblogs or otherwise#artblr#artists on tumblr#art#drawing#traditional art#digital art#art tips#art advice#new artist#queer artist
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I FINALLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO WATCH NOBITA'S SKY UTOPIA
I'm going to go ON A RANT BELOW SO OFC SPOILERS AHEAD
OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL I NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD
SONYA
SONYAAAAAAAAA
WORST DESIGN OF A NEW CHARACTER YET
HE LOOKS CURSED AAAAAAAA
it's like they can't commit on a new art style. They tried to emulate doraemon's design because he's a cat robot from the same century as him BUT THEY ALSO WANT TO MAKE HIM LOOK ATTRACTIVE BY FORCING THE NEWER ARTSTYLE (like the one used for Luca in Nobita's Chronicle of the Moon). The same artstyle can also be seen in the three sages but they can just say they are supposed to be beautiful and they emulate adults (ive seen that the adult characters other than the one from original doraemon are drawn differently since 2019 ish maybe) BUT AT LEAST IT LOOKED... NOT AS CURSED AS SONYAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. PRODUCER PLEASE JUST STICK TO ONE ARTSTYLE AND COMMIT TO IT. I CANT BEAR LOOKING AT HOW WEIRD SONYA BE LOOKING IN SOME FRAMES.
AND THIS IS A GENERAL COMPLAINT BUT EVER SINCE THE 2019 MOVIE THEY'VE GONE FURTHER AWAY FROM THE ORIGINAL ART STYLE VISION AND IM??? KINDA FURIOUS ABT IT???? IT DOESNT SCREAM DORAEMON ANY MORE YOU KNOW??? I KNOW YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM MORE MARKETABLE AND GOOD LOOKING BUT- NOOO???? PLS NO????
okay now that's out of the way let's talk about the plot.
I FUCKING LOVE THE PLOT. It's giving midsommar. It's giving the tip of the iceberg of how easy it is to fall into a cult trap and become a cultist. Usually if fujiko fujio wrote this they'll make it seem like the paradapia creator is the one in the right (bcs honestly fujiko fujio kinda gives off eco fascist stink. i've talked abt this before). So I'm glad that from the start they are already portrayed as an ominous community that seemed to be hiding something more. They tried to make it seemed like that paradapia creator is also suffering that's why he needed to make paradapia but i think bcs of the run time they did not really flesh out the reason and other things are happening so there's no room left for sympathy towards dr ray, and i LOVE THAT. No need for any sappy sad backstory for a fascist villain i'd say, no matter how important he thought his reasons are lol go die in jail.
Oh. Yea the run time. For the first half it was paced very nicely. Paradapia started to look even more unsettling with ominous shots and dialogs. However for the last half of the movie it become completely rushed. The rebel characters (Hannah and Marimba) was used as walking lore dump for the audience to understand how paradapia became to be instead of showing more things that make them seemed different. I guess it's because they ran out of run time (the movie was only 1 hr 47 min). Not much scene to be emotional with. When a thing happen it quickly jumps into another thing, not letting the audience to cry much bcs?? SO MUCH SHIT IS HAPPENING??? Nobita become the last piece of the paradapia project (literally why? never explained) somehow a whole island can fit into a plastic bag (why designed the trash bag as a plastic bag anyway? there's already and existing gadget for that), sonya died, sonya didn't die, oit there's dr ray getting surrounded, end scene? There's not even much of chase scene. Not even a chase scene with the big bad villain happening. They've used it for Marimba's scene (the action scene in this one was... let's say they definitely blew more budget here), and a chase between sonya nobita doraemon and marimba through the time hole. OH AND LET'S TALK ABOUT THE CHASE SCENE WITH SONYA BECAUSE-
THIS SCENE HAD ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. for almost the rest of the movie there's going to be ambient music btw (weird choice but ok). and when important scenes happen the music will stop, dead silence. only the important characters talk and their voice is going to be crisp and loud. this scene started cheesy, the usual doraemon tells sonya he has a heart too and in this scene he'll started to get swayed and then when he was about to lower his gun- BAM THE THREE SAGES THREATEN SONYA THEY'LL DISPOSE HIM AND MAKE HIM NOT PERFECT ANYMORE AND THEN LIKE A PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING HE INSTANTLY PULLED THE TRIGGER AND SHOT DORAEMON AND NOBITA DOWN LIKE BROOOO??!?!?!? I cant explain it any better it's truly an experience IT'S SO HEART WRENCHING GHRHHHHHHGRRRRR I LOVE THIS ONE SCENE THE MOST
AND WHAT I HAVE THE MOST PROBLEM WITH IS-
why is he not in more scenes?- No. In fact, WHY IS HE JUST NOT BECOME ONE OF THE MAIN CAST THIS TIME?
Bro this movie is literally about being HIM. Nobita kept whining and wishing "man i'm soon gonna become like Dekisugi" FOR ALMOST THE ENTIRETY OF THE FIRST HALF. THAT'S HOW SELF CONSCIOUS THE WRITERS ARE WHILE WRITING THE STORY. BECAUSE. THIS. IS. ABOUT. BEING. PERFECT. SCHOOLBOY. LIKE DEKISUGI.
FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK WE WERE ROBBED IMAGINE THE PROBABILITIES. And if the director said they dont want dekisugi to finish the problem quickly, trust me he cannot. He's a child who doesnt know much regarding doraemon's gadget and the villain is literally a fucking cult. No matter how perfect or smart someone is, a cult will still have their way to make others join them. In fact, it'll be even more interesting because that means Dekisugi's skillset will make him even more vulnerable since he'll thought that he found his people along with paradapia's citizens. ISN'T THAT INTERESTING OR IS THAT JUST ME???? AND MAYBE IT'LL HELP MORE WITH EXPLAINING PARADAPIA'S LIGHT AND HOW IT WORKS? I mean let's say the paradapia light radiate "perfection" and the key is Dekisugi whose name literally means "too fucking good at everything" and nobita is immune to the light because??? idk he's already perfect as is??? that's so cheesy but at least it'll explain how the light became to be and why it's important to go to the gangs hometown???!! FUCK ME AND MY WISHFUL THINKING HONESTLY. WE CAN'T HAVE ALL THE GOOD THINGS HUH
I want to cry in this scene, honestly. But like I said the pacing is too damn quick and the viewer (me) didnt have enough time to process wtf is happening. It's quite brutal too with how Sonya forced others to leave him by SHOOTING THEIR TAKECOPTER??? Well we already know beforehand that the air pilot suit have parachute attached BUT STILL. Watching Doraemon still insisted on being with Sonya until Sonya had to shoot his takecopter..... I can see now why there's an influx on the sonya x doraemon fanart for like, last march-april. And i think it'll be much more harrowing if sonya stayed dead but hey guess it's still a kid's movie so in the end he'll get to live and guess the sonya x doraemon ship will be sailing smooth (i shouldnt... but i really want to... oh god.... will i add another ship in my ship list.....)
okay i think that's it for now. Oh and i wanna draw nobita in the paradapia uniform.... i saw someone did it first and did a blue archive AU tho.... i still want it.... hhhhhhhh..........
hannah also gives off suletta vibes... cutiee.....
#doraemon#doraemon spoiler#nobita's sky utopia#sonya#minamoto shizuka#takeshi goda#honekawa suneo#nobi nobita#hanna#dekisugi hidetoshi
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sorry if youve addressed this and i havent found it yet, but i was reading your post about stone butches transitioning out of stone. i am a femme coming to terms with the possibility i may be a stone femme and i was just wanting to hear others thoughts about what transitioning in and out of a stone femme identity might be like. maybe this doesnt make sense and im overthinking my identity somehow since im already thinking in terms of leaving it before ive even accepted it. as i am now i dont have any reservations about accepting the identity of stone besides somehow hurting or misrepresenting the community by viewing it this way. i wouldnt want to rush leaving stone behind either your post just sparked me to think long term what i may feel and be like. sorry this was probably unreadable, thank you for reading anyway if you did! it was nice to even write it somewhere at all. thank you 🙏 🩷
Hey there! Sorry about the late reply, it’s been an intense few days at work placement.
First of all, no I have not addressed this yet, there’s no need to apologise. The idea of ‘transitioning’ in and out of stone identity, either butch or femme, is an interesting one. It’s a way of acknowledging that accepting and taking on of this label is a process that takes time, as is the release of that same label.
I believe this is a fairly unique process to each of us, as individuals. Heads up I am not stone, but I am partnered to someone who is currently negotiating with their own use of the term. Much of what I can share on this is based on discussion with them, and is drawn therefore from a stone butch experience, not a stone femme experience. I would strongly recommend you reach out to other stone femmes for further support, if you feel confident doing so.
That being said, I feel that considering the ‘lifespan’ of your own stone identity is not an unreasonable thing to consider. This is something which you may feel differently on at different points in your life. It is important to extend compassion to yourself, not judgement, as you navigate this. Some people might arrive at stone identity feeling soothed by it, and more secure within it, more able to function, or be themselves. Other’s will arrive at it with mixed feelings- there is self-knowledge and empowerment in the term, and yet also for some, exhaustion and hurt, and a need to rely on it temporarily. You will know in yourself whether stone feels like a temporary shelter, or home. It is okay if it’s home. I feel like I can’t really stress that enough.
You can know in yourself that you might want to leave stone behind one day, even as you are just embracing the term. It would hurt if you were discussing stone as something that can be ‘cured’ or something that’s wrong with you that you need to get rid of. But it seems clear to me that is not what you’re doing.
I’m really glad you were able to share these thoughts with me. I hope they provided some release, and I sincerely hope my prior post was helpful to you. Good luck with everything, and remember to take your time figuring all of this out.
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Feel like talking about art... I worry a lot that I've passed some kind of 'peak' in my art, not per se skillwise but productivity wise.
'I made a 65 page full colour full shading comic chapter and had it printed! Oh my god, I could never do that now', I think. But thankfully in this age I've seen this exact thing happen to so many artists slightly older than me... intense productivity in school, sudden drop in early 20's, figure shit out in late 20's. It makes sense, art was basically the only thing keeping me together for many of those productive years, and I was miserable.
And now, yeah, I'm back in a high stress environment, but this time I'm managing my own progress and am doing things I want to do on some level, that aren't art. Is it any wonder people go on massive hiatuses when theres no longer One Thing they want to do?
And well also. The classic. It is bonkers the amount of people I grew up admiring who crashed and burned in college and then get diagnosed with, well usually several things but especially ADHD. I'd like to think I'm "learning from other's """pitfalls"""" by nipping that revelation in the bud early (healthcare system tho... pls gimme anything... an appointment, maybe...) but I've been ruminating a long time on art advice and life advice and a lot of the time it's not possible to 'skip' on doing the 'wrong' thing.
So much art advice is like 'man i wish i learned anatomy or x thing when I was younger, so much time wasted' and yes it seems true in hindsight, learning anatomy is pivotal to my current art... but I think I had to *get* to a point art and well growing up wise where that was even something I could fully comprehend. Theres lots of things where, yeah, I'm sure sitting 12 year old me down and getting them excited about Bones and Muscles wasn't *impossible*, but there was like 100 mini lessons that have no names I had to learn first. It's like, a skill tree in a video game. You have to learn fireball I and II before great fireball IV or whatever. It's easy to say man, why didn't I learn Hard Thing sooner, I would have been so much better by now, when in order to be able for Hard Thing you had to learn all the smaller easier things it leads to. Going straight for the big guns isn't impossible, but you'll end up having to go backwards at some point. In fact I feel like that's what's happening to me now!
I'm like, why is my art shit conpared to a few years ago, why am I half-assing everything, and you know what I spent 5 years only doing full colour full shading stuff because that was The Inevitable Artistic Conclusion and doing Less would be Wasting My Time! And I think that was the right choice actually. *Because* it made me learn that thought process wasn't true.
Also ummm FFAK by kosmicdream who I am sheepishly not tagging basically rewrote my brain? A 6000+ and not even half finished comic drawn with maximum speed and not sweating the details? And its great? And at no point did I think the story was worse off for not being polished to 100% 'completion'? Preposterous!
Well, not really. Loads of comics are like that. I knew I didn't want to be like them. But hm, its a conscious choice now rather than a feeling of shame at not completing things. The reassurance that, it's okay to not finish things, and it's okay to do less in order to finish things. Balance. FFAK just really punched that lesson into my skull rather than the light jabs of comics I'd loved before. I can count the comics I read as a kid that actually *finished* on like, two hands max. I reevaluated, what do I want to be, perfect incompletion or finished imperfection. And chose both and neither because I'm a vile little contrarian.
Am I going to finish my comic? Finished doesn't exist, so no. Does that mean my tedious perfection is justified as long as the unfinished work is what I envisioned? Also no, because I am not the same person I was when I stopped lifting the pen and my idea of perfection is also always just out of reach. Also it's. A story. I want to tell it. Not look at it.
Like, just... do what you want. What you want will change, you can't put a box around it. But also develop discipline, because that box helps. It's always breaking and expanding and shrinking but the box has to be there. You have to try. But you won't succeed. And that's okay, because that's not the goal. It's a dance, not a house.
You might want to build a place to dance easier but you've gotta dance. And you suck at dancing but you love it. And if you don't love ot anymore, go work on the house until you want to again, and you'll think, why am I building this goddamn house instead of dancing, and you'll keep forgetting that the house exists to dance in. Then someday you come back off the scaffolding and realise, woah, holy shit, dancing here is going to be so much better.
And you think, why didn't I make the house like this in the first place? Well, because you only started building the house when you didn't want to dance, imagine if you made the house perfect, and then stopped liking dancing? Well you'd be me, you'd knock that house down, and you'd rebuild it all shit, because you didn't need the house to dance, you needed the process of building it. You can make that perfect house all the time, but you can only make a shit house once. No matter how you try, you're gonna figure out why the house is shit, and make it better.
And you'll say, why didn't I make this first before! I'm learning so much! And you'll remember why, it's because everyone said 'man, don't make a house like I made it. Look at my new house, its so much better, do that! I wasted so much time on the shit house!' But they didnt. They learned. You made their perfect house with no understanding of why it was perfect. You had to break it, to rebuild it, to retrace the steps, to learn.
#oh god I finally made my point#long post#does this make sense I dont know#hit post and maybe someone will get it but its okay if no one does its the process not the result
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Ive been a silent reader of yours all this time but I have to speak up on this. I'm sorry but I just can't agree with this "San has done bad things but that's okay because so did others" that's like saying this murderer is horrible for killing innocent people but it's not really THAT bad(?) because there are others who committed murder too I don't know if I'm explaining it right because English is not my first language lol. Regardless if others have done bad things, it doesn't justify San's shitty deeds. One's bad deeds should never be downgraded/downplayed just because there are others who do bad things too so I find it pointless to bring up others like y/n seonghwa wooyoung etc when we're talking about San and the things he's done or why people think he's irredeemable. Also maybe because I've dealt with someone irl like starring role San and that's why his character is just irredeemable to me. Like I don't care how bad he feels after for doing what he did, the impact of his actions is still 10x more hurtful than whatever remorse or guilt he felt and the fact that he KEEPS doing it despite being self aware makes it even more worse than it already is actually. I wish we can have a conversation about people's terrible deeds without bringing up others to either make justifications or comparisons.
Like if a person killed somebody then feels guilty about it but then does it again. It just doesn't make sense to me (I know San is not a killer lol but I'm trying to make an analogy and this the best my non English speaking ass can come up with)
For me San is an asshole point blank period and if we're being for real, a person like him who grew up with that mindset can't change in as little as two years. Before anybody come here and say i'm team mingi and thats why I'm saying this, actually I'm team nobody. I'm just here to read this very entertaining and we'll written au 🥰
ouuuuuuu i love this, had to get a drink before i started typing. and don't worry your english is fine everything is great, i get what you're saying. soooo let's talk;
first of all, i need all of us to be on the same page here so let me ask you guys (all of you that actively participate in these little quiz nights 😭), what is it that san did wrong exactly? and i don't mean "he did this wrong so he doesnt deserve to be with yn" we're not talking about that and frankly don't care about, its what did he do wrong that makes him a bad irredeemable character? i'm genuinely curious about this.
while writing this story, i can think of two instances where he actually fucked up but still not to the point where its not redeemable.
you say bad deeds of the other characters shouldn't be brought up when talking about san's? and i disagree! you know why? it's not bc i'm trying to downplay his wrongdoings ( or trying to justify them, if it ever seemed like that then i probably didnt word myself right) or bc it's "Oh san my poor meow meow he can't be the bad guy!!!!!" but because all of the characters that i've compared him to are halfway ( if not the whole way) already forgiven by the readers and why is that? what makes them more redeemable than him and where is the line drawn when it comes to forgiveness? again we are not talking about relationship-with-y/n forgiven but "he's not the villain" forgiven bc apart from y/n's mother i don't think there are any other villains 😭
(and this is not defending san, he is an asshole i'll be the first one to say it bc i literally created him😭 but that's simply not all that there is to him bc as people we are not one dimensional. no one is all good and all bad, there's no such thing unless we're talking about idk psychopaths or something lol and just bc we haven't seen san's good towards y/n doesn't mean there's no good at all. i've already written all his parts for the next chapter so this is just a formal notice that i won't be trying to make him more appealing so he can get sympathy points or something and i can say that he won't be asking for forgiveness either but he will be in a huge chunk of the chapter and for all of you that plan on just blocking out everything he says well...u wont be having a good time😭)
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