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#this is like more of an experiment thing

sonasnowdrop · 1 year

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Lil Zinel fic cuz I’m beyond bored. Wanna give a warming for self harm, pls read the tags on my posts b4 actually going into em. Especially my fics, anyway, hope y’all enjoy!

——————

“Healing.”

Zaza laid atop his mattress, shifting and stirring around. The mansion was rather silent tonight. Aside from Lapis’ snores. She slept on a hammock above Zaza’s bed.

Zaza squeezed his eyes shut, but couldn’t help but open them again as the sound of scrapping and scratching filled his ears. He assumed the sound was all in his head, and tried to ignore it.

It was silent for a moment, until the scratching noise returned not even ten minutes later. The boy laid flat on his back, when realizing the noise faded, he yawned, and curled into his blanket in an attempt to fall back asleep.

The cracks and scraps returned, realizing these noises were real. Zaza slowly sat up, feeling rather exhausted, he sleepily blinked away the fog in his vision.

He tapped the back of Lapis’ hammock in an attempt to wake her. She stammered. “I’ll be right back…” Zaza whispered, the blue gem stirred. She was awake whoever, she nodded and turned back around.

The boy checked the time, it was nearly two in the morning. Who could be making such a ruckus at this time of night? Maybe it was Pôgél, he was known for rummaging through the fridge at this hour.

Zaza slid off the bed, slipped on his puffy bunny slippers and made his way to the stair case. He flinched when hearing another crack. It seemed every time he heard it, it sounded more aggressive, no, desperate rather than last time. The boys puffy white brows furrowed, with each step he grew more and more uncomfortable and nervous.

What if it was an intruder? Not like that’d be an issue, since he does have powers after all. But the thought of a stranger in his house made him nervous.

He took more steps forward with a wary and racing mind, though, his thoughts were interrupted once he reached the staircase. There standing in the darkness, only illuminated by the moons light spilling into the windows, was the familiar outline of pink tightly tied up pigtails, and jester clothes. The boy squinted when realizing this was no intruder, it was his friend. She was hunched over and seemed to be crying and…shaking?

Zaza took some steps and called out to his jester buddy.

“Spinel…?” The boy softly called out, so he wouldn’t startled the gem. Zaza was immediately met with a sight that made him slightly tremble.

Spinel quickly whipped her head around, tears streamed down her rosy red cheeks. Her eyes as wide as the space between her and the white haired boy. She looked like a deer caught in a cars headlights. Her entire body trembled and her pigtails were low on her head, she seemed to be holding something shiny very very close to her chest.

Zaza noticed her lips quivering, she looked as if she were going to say something to him, but only small whimpers could escape her throat.

“Spinel, what happened?” Zaza uttered, while slowly approaching the pink gem as to not frighten her, she still quickly stood up and backed away.

Due to her standing in a different spot than before, Zaza was able to see clearly that whatever she was holding so firmly, she didn’t want him to see. Was she ashamed of something? What did she do? Then he noticed, she was also covering her gem.

Zaza swallowed a big lump in his throat and took another step forward, “Spinel, please answer me, I want to know what’s wrong…” the boy said softly, fear filled the spinels sockets as a river fell from her eyes.

By now, all the sleepiness that he was feeling before completely vanished as it was now replaced by worry and fear.

Every time the boy took a step forward, the gem took a step back. Zaza could now see a more panicked expression painted on Spinel, she squeezed whatever object she had tight and didn’t utter a sound. Her eyes darted around.

The boy parted his lips to speak, he was startled to see the gem bolt towards the warp pad in the living room. He stood there in shock, but quickly regained himself and speeded after the jester.

“Spinel, wait!” He shouted, confusion filled his tone. The girl didn’t dare look back, not even a little glance. Her eyes fixated on the glimmering teleportation pad ahead, desperate to escape. But why?

She was nearly there until she was suddenly tackled to the ground by the person she wished so desperately to be away from at the moment. She yelped when Zaza tackled her with full force.

Spinel fell harshly onto her stomach, Zaza laid atop of her.

The gem cried out for him to leave her alone, he ignored her yelps however and immediately went for whatever she was grasping. Which proved to be rather difficult.

She kicked and frantically flailed her arms and legs about, making it very difficult for Zaza to grasp the item she was holding. Zaza firmly held her waist in an attempt to keep her still.

The white haired boy eventually managed to grip her wrist and snatch away whatever she so desperately didn’t want him to see. Once he glanced at the object, his dark skin slightly paled. He held a large kitchen knife, the end of the knife is what frightened him the very most, it had pink glimmering fragments at the end of it. The boys hold around Spinel tightened as he threw the utensil as far away as possible. A loud thud echoed as it hit the mansions walls, then the tiled floors.

Spinel continuously squirmed underneath him, trying to free herself from his weight and hold. “Z-Zaza, let go!” She shouted, the boy released her for a moment, before she could get away he grasped her shoulders and firmly pinned her to the floor on her back.

The alternative boy’s eyes widened in horror, his suspicions being confirmed as he tearfully stared at the jesters chest. Spinel’s gem was covered in scratches and cracks and chipped corners. His grip on her shoulders lightened and she scurried out of his looming shadow.

Zaza rubbed the back of his head before trailing his vision onto Spinel’s mitched matched eyes, which were filled to the brim with tears. She pouted, before turning around and flopping to the floor. Her sobs echoed throughout the mansions halls, Zaza crawled up to her, worry and panic sprayed his face.

The boy placed his hand on her side in a comforting manner. He didn’t say a word, his actions acting more powerful than his words. Until he did finally decide to speak,

“Spinel, p-please,” he stammered, the gem didn’t turn over to face him, but he assumed she was somewhat listening “let me heal your gem before…before it becomes worse.” The boy begged, Spinel didn’t respond, to Zaza’s dismay, she just kept sobbing.

Zaza wore an extremely saddened and worried face, he slid his hand underneath her small form, and lifted her. She immediately pressed herself against the boys chest, and began to weep even more, she gripped his back tightly, and her arms drooped to the floor.

The boy placed one hand onto his poor friend’s back, and the other held the back of her head. He rubbed her back slowly in a comforting manner, he murmured words of reassurance to ease her whimpers.

This continues for about twenty minutes, the boy rocked her back and forth with many reassuring words. The gem eventually calmed down, her cries soon turned into soft sniffles, Zaza sighed in relief and lifted his head from atop hers. He was very focused on fixing Spinel’s cracked gem, but everytime he attempted to pull away and look, she’d squeeze him tighter or cover her gem so he couldn’t see. The boy split his lips,

“Spinel?” He said quietly, she nodded her head, but didn’t speak. The boy continued, “Please, let me heal your gem…I just want to help.” Zaza’s voice trembled, as he begged her to allow him to help. Once again, he was met with silence, the gem beneath him shuffled occasionally. He swallowed the fear forming a lump in his throat as nothing but silence filled the air. He grew more and more nervous, afraid Spinel would never let him fix the damage she caused to herself.

At some point, Spinel shakily pushed herself away from Zaza. They both studied one another’s facial expressions, Zaza looked tired, worried, and scared all at the same time, while Spinel, also looked awfully tired, but also hurt, and weak. She raised her hand up to her damaged gem, the girl traced the cracks she created with her fingers, she picked at it like it were a wound. She seemingly fought the urge to make the cuts even deeper. She couldn’t help but notice Zaza flinch as she clawed at herself.

The boy grasped her wrist, she turned over to him, as he let go the gem could see the concern in his eyes. She couldn’t do it, especially not in front of him.

She swallowed her discomfort and turned to the boy with teary eyes, before she could say anything, Zaza cupped her cheeks and whipped her sorrow away with his thumbs. “Spinel…” the boy sighed, before he could get another word out, the gem interrupted him,

“Okay…” she said, her voice shaking “You can heal it…”

Zaza sighed in relief for a second time, he moved his hands down to her shoulders and thanked her, “I swear I’m gonna help you okay? You’ll never even think about doing this again.” He said in an attempt to reassure his jester friend. The gem couldn’t help but very faintly smile.

Zaza moved downwards, being eye level to Spinel’s gem. She looked away, not being able to bring herself to stare at Zaza as he healed her. The boy held the girls waist to keep her still, and gently pressed his lips onto the center of her gem. Just then, she felt a shock spring from her gem to the rest of her body, and just like that, all the damage she caused to herself was completely gone. Despite being fully healed, Zaza remained fixated on her gem to make sure every crack and scratch was gone. Spinel couldn't help but feel her cheeks heat up under his gaze.

He soon rose and met Spinel’s eyes, she looked away, feeling flushed again as he stared. The two sat there in silence for a minute, at least ten minutes. Spinel was the first to speak, not without looking away from Zaza, she just couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact with him.

“I-I’m..so sorry…” the girl stammered, she felt herself choke as her words clumped in her throat. She met Zaza’s gaze, he looked on with a worried smile,

“Don’t be, it’s okay. I’m just glad you’re okay. You…you have to tell me about these feelings.” The boy said, holding the troubled soul gently by the shoulders “you scared the absolute daylights out of me.” He sighed, looking down. Spinel felt an overwhelming amount of guilt rush over her for making Zaza worry. She wanted to apologize again, but kept her lips sealed.

“How about you come with me? To my room?” He asked, silently hoping she’d say yes, he was fearful of leaving her alone now, afraid what she might do to herself if alone.

Fortunately, she nodded her head in agreement. The boy sighed, and stood up, he helped his jester companion to her feet. He walked over to the knife he threw earlier and made sure to firmly wash it before accompanying Spinel. Once he did that, he led the pink gem up to his room.

Luckily, Lapis was still in her hammock sleeping, it’d be embarrassing if Lapis came down and witnessed Zaza healing Spinel.

“Cmon’ we both can sleep in my bed. You can watch my phone to help you sleep easier, if you want?” Zaza turned to the jester, she slid onto the bed and nodded. The boy neatly tucked in his friend, and put on some videos for them to both enjoy.

Spinel lies her head on Zaza’s chest, using it as a pillow.

“We can do something fun tomorrow.” Zaza suggested, and put his arm around the girl. The gem in question heated up again at his affection. “that sound good?” The boy asked, Spinel nodded.

Eventually, the gem fell asleep. When the boy noticed, he set his phone on the nightstand, he moved carefully to not wake his friend. After making himself more comfortable, he too fell asleep

#sonawritesstuff #shut up sona #zaza upsidedown #spinel #lapis lazuli #Zaza x spinel #Zinel #Zinel fic #// Sh #// self harm #this was a rewrite of another fic I saw !!#original is in the comments !#this is like more of an experiment thing #it’s still canon to the universe #it’s just a big ol time skip #wanna see if this goes well then I’ll post season 1 of dqftim #late blogging #might delete l8r

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inkskinned · 11 months

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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

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cemeterything · 7 months

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an angle i enjoy in cosmic/eldritch horror is when, instead resorting to the old classic "the horrors being so incomprehensible that they break your brain and drive you mad" cliché, the premise is that in comprehending the horrors you are so changed by the experience that your new state is indistinguishable to an outside observer from madness. you comprehend the unknowable just fine, but actually communicating that to anyone else is impossible because they just don't have the mental framework required to understand it. the eldritch horrors don't drive you mad. what does is the ordinary everyday horror of finding yourself isolated, ridiculed and doubted at every turn, no matter how hard you try to make yourself heard and understood.

#🐉#this is why i liked the way tma did it #where the eldritch is more or less a direct allegory for trauma (among other things)#and how those experiences can make the entire world seem like a different place and make you feel crazy #when other people dont understand what seems so clear and obvious to you #apartment 'complex'? actually i find it quite simple. no guys really its so simple you gotta believe me. why dont you believe me.

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loz-tearsofahomo · 10 months

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I was telling my dad about ao3 and he asked "But why would anyone do it if they're not being paid?" And that genuinely makes me so sad. The fact that the majority of people are told things are only worth doing if there is financial gain in it. Oh you're an artist? Artists don't make any money.

Sometimes the point isn't money. Sometimes it's just to create.

#like god damn have some joy #in my experience doing things for reasons other than money is far more rewarding or enjoyable #its literally been studied and proven that doing things for money and or superficial rewards takes the joy out of tasks #in people and other animals #anti capitalism #anti capitalist #ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction #ofc doing art for money is 100% fine and okay #its just that isnt the only reason ever for everyone #loz posts

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rosekasa · 6 months

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i think what i adore about ladynoir beyond high school age (18 and over) is the opportunity it leaves for some of the most DELICIOUS best friends to lovers scenarios. because, like, two people who've been fighting side by side for years? who've known each other long enough to make jokes about it, haha remember when we were fourteen and you-- we AGREED to never speak of it!!!! who've spent so long learning each other inside out, even, in chat noir's case, getting over feelings, that the idea of anything romantic between them is so far off the radar that they don't feel the need for certain boundaries, because why would it matter if they made jokes about how attractive they find each other, about getting married, about how they could totally mess with the rest of the miracle team by pretending they're hooking up because it's so far out of the realm of possibility.

but then there would be that imperceptible shift. the moment where one of them makes a joke and it feels just a bit more loaded than it should. gazes lingering where they never lingered and playful smiles turning curious. the sudden awareness that, while maybe they were cuddling on a rooftop with their best friend, they were also wrapped up in the arms of someone they trust with their lives, and is extremely attractive, and, wait, if the only reason it was platonic before was because there were no feelings, what does THIS mean?

THE TENSION. THE PINING. THE INHERENT MESS OF BEING IN YOUR TWENTIES. PLEASEEEE

#as i go through more things in life i ache for ladynoir to experience it too #i want them to be at a grocery store and for him to reach out to tickle her and she turns around and makes a joke but their gazes linger way #too knowingly #i want them to sit down and have a 'okay like this is so tmi but isnt the concept of sex so weird??' conversation #i want them to joke about starting a podcast together #make impulsive amazon purchases that make no sense #find a song that one of them hate and then continuously play it on loop #compare spotify profiles and one of them steals the other's login to sabotage their spotify wrapped for the year #do you know i am so normal about ladynoir #♡alizeh talks♡#tagged:ladynoir

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redysetdare · 5 months

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Oh no, you found a post where someone is saying they think sex/romance is gross! Whatever shall you do?

ignore it. literally ignore it. I'm 100% serious just fucking ignore it. it literally is not a personal attack on you. do not take it as a personal attack. scroll past it, hell block if you really need to, but you do not need to respond. it is not about you buddy - not everything is about you. close your eyes and move on buddy it's that easy. literally it is not systematically oppressing you for someone to say "Ew sex" or "Ew romance". just walk away pal.