they don't see it, because it is around them like air. to them, it would have to be through movies, through magazines. they think it happens outside of life, like it must be selected to be interacted with.
but you discovered in the fifth grade that you couldn't wear shirts with words on them, it was an excuse for someone to look at your chest. you were catcalled before you were in middle school. sometimes you look at that memory and deny it - surely that can't be right, you were young. but you were in a skirt, so maybe that was a natural byproduct. it was a skirt from that place "justice by limited too" - a store literally for kids. it was popular around then. you wore that skirt twice and then never again.
you can't wear headphones, because what if a man wants to talk to you? there's a guy on the internet who complains that women shut themselves off from being approached. at night, you often keep the headphones positioned but with the sound off, just in case you need to hear something behind you.
you learned at 12 that you can't make eye contact, don't acknowledge the aggression. just walk faster and hope he picks on somebody else. don't wear your hair like that. do not park next to that kind of car, park an entire cityblock away if you must.
you can't go to the museum, you're sitting and tying your shoe when he approaches you and mentions that nobody understands art anymore. that in the whole world, it's just you-two. you have no recourse for eating a meal (it's rabbit food if it's salad, and someone will roll their eyes, eat a sandwich. it's pick-me behavior if it's a burger, we get it you're a cool girl). if you like mushrooms you are cottagecore, which is cheesy. if you like video games you're an egirl (similar to a pick-me). boys do not get categories, but if you point out the categories are sexist, you are told okay but these girls really exist.
it is somehow developing, a little undercurrent that you've been uncomfortable with. the nickname "karen" went from being "a white woman that uses her whiteness as a weapon, particularly against people of color," to now mean "any woman raising her voice or being even a little upset." the reappropriation of a term used specifically to call out white women for their racism has set your skin on edge. now it is just another version of "bitch," one that can be said on television. recently you saw a woman get called a karen because a drunk driver sideswiped her, and she screamed when it happened. the comments on the dashcam video all say "why do women always scream about everything." "when has the world ever been bettered by women screaming." "this fucking karen. she deserved to get hit."
in the sitcom, it's a joke that the wife is furious; slamming her hands down into the sink. i do everything around here, might as well do this too. in your house, your father is always in-his-office. before you know better, your first boyfriend is the type to say it's just easier for you. you used to beg him to take you on dates. he used to make a big deal about it, about the sacrifice of effort, even if you were the one who did most of the planning.
someone on the internet makes a "POV: the most boring person you've ever met" where he puts a towel on his head and just talks like a normal person. his impression of a boring woman is just a woman that is talking about her pretty-average life without exaggeration.
you are sometimes actually sad in the reverse, because actually you did used to struggle to pay attention in conversations. you were also easily bored of normal things, your adhd pinging off of every radio tower in the vacinity. it took time and therapy and patience, and now you delight in the small things about your friends. you like having them show you their organizational systems and talk about their taylor swift tickets. you are entertained by them because you learned to be, even though your brain is structured to only be excited by novelty. you kind of hate the idea that the reason your father will never actually pay attention to you is that you're no longer interesting. eventually the shine wore off, and you were just a person, not a spaceship. he never learned how to just, like, form an actual intimate friendship. it was always at a distance, this sense - emotional closeness was too much. (and yes. he's homophobic).
you're already tired of whatever the fuck is happening with the words "divine feminine", a rancid take that is basically just a rebranding of the patriarchy in action. what the fuck do they mean "being small and delicate and needing protection" is feminine. the words they are looking for are that they want a partner, not that their desire for equivalent support is relegated to gender. the human desire for community is not actually gendered at all. also, what fucking wolves are these "divine masculine" men even battling. fuckken taxes? shouldn't their "desire to protect" also mean "protect you from emotional neglect", or are all emotions off-limits (and how sad would that be. that's a horrible bar to set.)
and they tell you it's really not bad actually, because it's just there. they suggest you get off the internet or you stop reading that book or you stop thinking so hard about the movie or you stop just-being-a-feminist because honestly it's a killjoy sort of thing and then you tilt your head to the side and there's that little siren in the back of your head. if things were actually fine, being a feminist wouldn't put a stop to anything, it would go completely unnoticed, because you wouldn't have any comment to make about any of this
but you are ruining your own life, they tell you. also, girls don't sit like that. also, all girls are catty. also, all girls are bad drivers. also, all girls just need a cute bracelet and an iced coffee.
you do like iced coffee, is the thing. when you close your eyes, the world around you has this strange note to it. and once you hear it, it never stops ringing.
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look man i just wanna ramble about romeo & juliet because it's a play that's near and dear to my heart
ok ok SO.
I feel like I keep seeing the take that Romeo & Juliet is REALLY about how dumb teens are and how their love was too impulsive and it's supposed to be a cautionary tale because their love gets them both dead.
And that's a fine takeaway I think! That's something you CAN get from the story. BUt I must confess it makes little sense to me.
I may be foolish, but I feel like everyone forgets about the whole familial conflict aspect of the play. like bro the first lines of the entire thign are like "hey guys there are these two families that ahte each other SO MUCH and they have FOREVER and now they're murdering each other." the first scene is about how the Montagues and the Capulets super duper hate each other so much so they're gonna square up in the middle of town with swords and shit after flipping each other off a few times
The turning point of the play, when it shifts from a silly romcom to a Balls Wrenching Tragedy, occurs firmly when Tybalt kills Mercutio.
THe actual romance aspect of the play is going FINE until this point! Romeo and Juliet the couple are pretty on the same page about everything happening in their relationship (even if that page is guided by impulse). Romeo is pretty jazzed at the start of the murder scene, and is in fact entirely unwilling to do the murder thing at all.
BUT! Tybalt is kinda a dick! And IS NOT willing to overlook the whole family-conflict-clown thing. And Tybalt's whole "i need to challenge romeo right this instant oh my god" impulse has very little to do with Romeo and Juliet's actual relationship. While a lot of adaptations have Tybalt see Romeo and Juliet being all Romantical at the party, textually Tybalt entirely is ready to brawl because Romeo showed up to the Capulet party at all and Tybalt is all Death Before My Rival Commits a Minor Social Faux Pas.
And Romeo murdering Tybalt and getting banished ALSO has little to do with Juliet or their relationship. His bro just died man. Yes it was stupid and impulsive, but man sometimes it's hard to keep your head on straight when your bestie just died (worth noting that Mercutio curses the family conflict itself when he dies!)
Like Romeo's issues all stem from that key interaction with Tybalt, who upholds the family conflicts above all else in every single scene he appears in.
Juliet on the other hand, is in the SHITTIEST situation. Her father is physically abusive towards her, and her parents are pressuring her to be married off to this random dude that is at best mostly well-meaning and adhering to general romance standards and at worst a massive creep (that's something that depends on acting and directing choices, I think. Paul Rudd Paris has never done anything wrong in his life). Juliet is trapped in this situation in which she is surrounded by pressure and abuse and familial conflict and death. It is reasonable to want to escape that at all measures, even if she acts impulsively and doesn't think through every single thing about the Friar's Genius Plan because god how could she in her circumstances?
If you're Juliet, your one escape from a shitty situation and environment is a boy who you firmly believe loves you, even if he has done some weird shit. If you're Romeo, your entire life has fallen apart because an ancient conflict resulted in your best friend dying and you getting banished for murder. What do you have to care for but someone who you think loves you and who you love amidst all the conflict?
To me, so much of the story hangs upon the familial conflict that the ending of the story is representative of a societal failure as opposed to a personal failure of our two leads.
No matter whether you see the relationship between local weenie romeo and local brain cell juliet as true love or as some passing fancy (i personally think it can be considered love but that's a different post for a different time, send me an ask if youre curious), it SHOUDLN'T end in several deaths and two suicides. The reason it does is because of a pointless family conflict our leads are brought up in.
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