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niteshade925 · 3 years

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Meta Theory: Man vs. Nature (Long Post)

(SPOILER WARNING for Historia Antiqua act 2: No Mere Stone; I was clearing my drafts box, saw this draft, and just went “why not” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This post is a month late coming on the tail end of v1.5, but it does contain lore speculation, so anyways, hope you all enjoy reading it.)

The biggest thing No Mere Stone contributed to the overall lore is the idea of "erosion" from time. TvTropes nailed this one on the head with the "who wants to live forever" trope entry for Zhongli. But old age wasn't the full reason for Morax/Zhongli retiring. The other part of it is because he's seen what erosion did to Azhdaha (made him forget his pledge to Morax to protect Liyue), so he wanted to prevent this in case it ever happens to himself. He wasn't just tired, he was also afraid of turning back on his word to protect Liyue due to erosion, because he still has a considerable amount of power, and if he ever went full-on berserk like Azhdaha did, it would spell disaster and maybe even doom for Liyue.

“Even I cannot avoid it. But there is something I understand better than most: When the door opens, it is time to leave.”

So what exactly is this "erosion"? Zhongli refers to it as a curse from Heavenly Principles/天理 (this was one of the many things lost in the English translation), which is interesting, since this points to the Heavenly Principles, Celestia, the Archons, and the various gods of Teyvat being simply forces of nature or natural phenomena. This is made even more clear with Azhdaha. The original Chinese had Zhongli using a phrase to describe Azhdaha: 地龙翻身，撼天动地, which roughly translates as "when the Earth Dragon turns, the heavens shake and the earth quakes". The first part of the phrase, "地龙翻身", came from traditional Chinese folk belief and astrology, and was used as a metaphoric term for earthquakes. Thus we can definitively conclude that Azhdaha is the literal representation of earthquakes. So what was Morax? From his elemental burst, I'm guessing that Morax could be a representation of meteors, which accounts for his combat style of dropping boulders from above. The same extends to Barbatos and Decarabian, and possibly each of the other five Archons. The elements themselves represent different forces of nature, and there’s even hints in game of the existence of many more elements than just the seven we know about:

Coming back to Heavenly Principles/天理. Based on all of the above, we can conclude that the Heavenly Principles is some sort of representation for the laws of nature, physical rules of the universe, kind of like fantasy equivalents of the 26 fundamental constants or laws of thermodynamics or conservation of mass and energy. Basically something that rules over all forces of nature and natural phenomena. This has interesting implications for the nature of the central conflict of humans vs. gods that I have posted about before, and partially turns it into the classic conflict of man vs. nature.

Going further along this theme, the whole story can be viewed as a sort of fictional retelling of the timeless struggle between humans and nature, which also very roughly paralleled real life human history. In the beginning, humans were totally at the mercy of the gods and the elements (nature), and because they did not understand how the elements (nature) worked, they worshipped beings of different elements (different aspects of nature) as different gods and sought to appease them. The gods (nature) helped humans by giving resources: in Mondstadt, people have windmills to utilize the wind, and in Liyue, people mine resources and trade with gold. However, the gods (nature) also kept them from knowing the true inner workings of the universe. Eventually, humans sought to understand the elements (nature) and harness it for the betterment of their own lives, and so alchemy (meant to parallel science irl) and technology came into being. The most technologically advanced human nation, Khaenri’ah, stopped worshipping on the gods, and instead relied on their own technology. This is basically what we know about Teyvat history up until Khaenri’ah’s destruction.

So what exactly happened to Khaenri’ah 500 years ago? In other words, why, according to Dainsleif, did the gods destroy Khaenri’ah?

Assuming the parallels to real life hold up, we might have a feasible answer to that question right now. In real life, human-made technology is so effective at harnessing and exploiting nature that it may have changed Earth forever. However, this has plenty of consequences, some of which I’m sure we all know about. From a purely mystical point of view, it’s as if nature is “aware” of what humans did, and is beginning to punish humans.

Perhaps the gods of Celestia, the Heavenly Principles themselves, destroyed Khaenri’ah because its technology posed too much of a danger for nature, or Teyvat itself.

This isn’t just baseless speculation either. In No Mere Stone, the part of Azhdaha that sought to peacefully coexist with humans told us that the reason Azhdaha lost it wasn’t just because of the “Heavenly Principle” of “erosion”, it was also because humans overmined the resources that sustained him. Treat nature badly, and nature will fight back.....this might be literally true in the world of Teyvat.

However, this isn’t the entire story of Genshin, of course, and there’s much more to the storyline than just “man vs. nature”, even if this theme does turn out to be real. The writers are pretty ambitious with this story.

#genshin impact #man vs nature #no mere stone #historia antiqua #zhongli #meta theory #genshin lore #speculation #thoughts

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os-hyoideum · 3 years

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Fake - Hawks/Takami Keigo x fem!Reader

Summary: Keigo wants to be there for his struggling love.

Word count: 3232

Content/Warnings: Hurt/comfort, angst(ish), depressed feelings, mention of suicidal thoughts, self-indulgent, third-person perspective

a/n: I started writing it in March 🤡 but I felt like I couldn't abandon it, so here it is, finally! ngl kinda exposing myself here oop- idk if it's a comfort fic, but I hope you enjoy :)

During the late hours of the evening, the city below looked particularly beautiful. Colorful neon lights, emanating from dozens of advertisements and signs, illuminated the people who, without care, carried on with their evening tasks, be it a trip to a bar or the travel home from work.

Hawks stood on the roof of the building, looking down and just taking in the scenery. It was not a particularly special day, but the rain that poured earlier has left the ground wet and glistening. The lights, bouncing off the pavement and people, created a picture truly from under a hand of a masterful abstractionist. The pinks, the blues, the yellows, all the colors created the effect of a spilled paint from his point of view.

While admiring the city, Hawks’ phone vibrated in his pocket. Taking his eyes away, he took out the device and, when the screen lit up, was met with the face of his love.

It was his favorite picture in the whole world and he knew, deep down, that any professional photographer couldn’t capture anything better. Truthfully, it wasn’t really a masterpiece, just a simple selfie, but the memory connected to the photograph made it exceptional. He remembered the quiet moment (so little of them in his life) when he could take his partner away and just enjoy an ordinary day with her. A walk, a picnic, anything that made him forget about his everyday life. The smile he saw in the picture truly made him feel like the surroundings brightened a bit.

The message on his phone was simple, a request for him to come back to the office, probably to take care of the stack of papers that adorned his desk.

He put the device back into his pocket, took a last look at the city down below, and, after putting his goggles on, spread his scarlet wings to take off.

If he were being honest, he would say that, given the option, he would stay in the air, in the sky, far above the ground, forever. The wind, howling loudly in his ears, silenced the worries of his everyday life. The air flowing around his body, through every feather of his wings gave him a sense of freedom. In the sky, he was able to see the horizon and just let himself be carried.

There was just one thing missing among the clouds.

On his way back to real life, where he would need to take care of mundane work-related tasks, he took a little detour.

Maneuvering expertly over and around the buildings, he found himself in front of an ordinary apartment complex. The grey modern building had a few floors and, quickly locating the right window, Hawks flew over to where his partner’s apartment was. Some people looked at him, from the street or through their own windows, but they were used to his random visits and paid him no mind, for which he was grateful.

He stopped in place seeing the inside of his lover’s bedroom and peeked inside, as the blinds were open. Some crumpled clothes lying on the bed, along with a few books. Through the open door, he could see the light coming from the TV.

Normally, he would just knock on the glass for her to open the window, but suddenly he got a hunch that something was not right. Maybe it was the fact that her texts became drier as the day went by (just like the last few days) until they halted completely, or maybe the open blinds, usually closed soon after it got dark. Whatever the source of his uneasiness was, it made him fly down and go inside the building through the door. He climbed a few flights of stairs to get to the floor she lived on. The only sounds, keeping him company during his walk through the corridor, were faint voices from behind some of the doors and his own footsteps.

He reached his goal. The alertness in his mind only became stronger as he knocked and waited patiently for the door to open.

A few dreadful seconds later he heard the sound of the turning mechanism inside of the lock. Only for a split second was he able to see the cold numbness on the face of his love before she noticed who had visited her. Her expression changed immediately and she smiled, oh so brightly.

Moving and pulling the muscles in her face, she was always able to make Keigo’s days better. And she could do it in an instant too, and so well that others never noticed the difference between the fake and the real. But he had sharp eyes, trained from a young age to catch any irregularities around him. He noticed, every time, how she faked and he hated it, especially knowing that when he did the same, she always pushed just enough for him to give in and let her in, more and more every time. He would push a bit too, at least to let her know that, if she wanted to, she could tell him anything.

“Keigo!” she exclaimed, voice high in pitch to sound happier, “What are you doing here, baby?”

“I was on my way to the office and thought I could drop by for a moment… Can I get in?” He asked pointing to the inside of the apartment.

“Oh! Of course.” She opened the door wider. “I got back from work not long ago, so… I guess, it’s not that clean.” She added with a small laugh.

Keigo knew it was a lie. He knew when his partner worked; she finished three hours ago.

He entered her space and when he kneeled down to take off his boots, he caught the glimpse of her cheerful expression falling. Still in her work clothes, she looked like she would get crushed any second. He knew her mind could get heavy at times.

“Come here.” He outstretched his hand towards her and lightly pulled her into himself.

At first, she was slightly rigid in his arms, but relaxed a bit, feeling Keigo’s soft strokes along her back. She hid her face into the high collar of his jacket and he noticed how tightly she gripped the material with her fists.

“You should get changed… wear something comfortable.” He whispered to not disturb her too much.

“I’m so tired.” She mumbled, her face still hidden. He just held her for a little while longer, allowing her to let go of him first. When she finally straightened her back and looked at him, this time without a fake smile, he felt like his heart broke, for her. He lifted his hand and gently stroked her cheek.

Her face was virtually emotionless, but he noticed the tensed jaw. The eyes, that hypnotized him every time he gazed into them, were looking more into space than actually at him. Her spaced-out expression made it seem like she was sculpted in marble.

Keigo squeezed her arms lightly to ground her a bit into reality.

“Do you want me to help you?” He asked softly, giving her a way to back out, if she truly wanted to.

“I don’t need…” She looked down with hesitation. Being vulnerable was never easy, even with some of the closest people. Admitting the need or want for other’s presence was quite a feat. She sighed. “Yes.”

“Do you want to take a shower too? Or just change?” She saw not even a slight sliver of judgment in his eyes.

“I’ll take a shower.” She said quietly and took her arms away from Keigo’s. She turned around to go to the bathroom but stopped when he made a move behind her. “Alone, but… stay… please.”

He just nodded with understanding and watched her drag her feet to the other room. At first, nothing came out of there, but a few minutes later he could hear the water from the shower. Going into his partner’s bedroom, he looked briefly at the messy clothing laying on the bed, pushed them aside, and took the clothes he knew she used as pajamas and always put under the duvet.

After the water stopped running, he waited ten minutes before knocking on the door. After getting quiet permission to enter, he went in and saw her sitting on the toilet, wrapped in a towel, with her unseeing gaze focused on some point before her.

“Come on.” Keigo softly broke the silence in the bathroom and reached out to her with one, which she took. He pulled gently and, without saying anything more, gave her the clothes he was holding.

With no request for him to get out, he just stood in the doorway while she put on her sweatpants and T-shirt. It was strange for him to see her vulnerable because she always closed herself off in those moments. He knew it was important that she just let him be there.

“Do you feel… better?” He asked when she stood in front of the mirror slightly squinting at herself.

“Hmm…” she hummed, “Perhaps. Not any lighter, though.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He felt like he was going through a field full of land mines. His training made him an expert at obtaining information, but he did not want to use his, masterfully crafted by the Commission, manipulation skills on her. He hoped that he was enough to bring her any semblance of comfort.

She shrugged and, after pushing him slightly out of the door, moved out of the bedroom and sat down on the couch, empty staring at the TV playing some meaningless show. Keigo took a place next to her, his wings hanging behind the backrest.

For a second, he cursed his lack of experience with human emotions. Of course, he was trained to observe and he knew when something was not right, but since he was never allowed to get close to anyone, his skills turned to nothing in the face of his love slowly getting pulled into the darkness of her own mind, all while maintaining the smile he adored so much.

After a minute of silence between them, the girl took a pilot and turned the TV off. She looked at him, the quietness becoming almost unbearable, but quickly, she broke it with a question:

“Do you really want me to… talk?”

And he just nodded.

Unable to look into his worried, gold eyes, she lowered her gaze. Leaning slightly on her elbows, she stared at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers.

“Well… I haven’t been feeling… um, really good, lately. Mentally, I mean.”

“Yeah… I’ve noticed. Should’ve said something sooner.”

She turned to him and put one hand on his knee, which he gently covered with his own and started to stroke with his thumb.

“No.” She opposed, “I’m actually grateful that you took more of a, hmm, silent-observer approach. I had space… but still knew you were there, somewhere, for me.”

“Good thing then that I’m not completely useless here.” He tried to joke with a small smile that fell quickly.

“No, but I am.” Before he could protest she took his hand, the one he’s been stroking her with, into both of hers. “Kei, Keigo… I can tell you what’s going on up here-” she pointed at her head “-but it’s just, so hard. And you have so much of your own shit going on… I don’t want to worry and burden you with my... stupid mind.”

He sighed, brought his free hand to the back of her head, and put his forehead against hers.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah,” she said, “I think I do…”

She closed her eyes, letting her sense of touch be the center of her attention. She focused on the weight his head put against her own, the way his messy hair brushed her face and his slow warm breath felt against her lips. It grounded her mind, silencing (if even for just a moment) the annoying white noise constantly present in there.

“I don’t want to look at you,” she started, “when I’m talking. It’s just… I don’t want to be seen, only heard.”

Keigo shifted his head and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

She turned away from him, putting her legs on the couch to sit cross-legged. It took a few moments before she started talking. Organizing the thoughts and feelings plaguing her was not easy.

“I… I just feel so bad. And I don’t even have a good reason for these stupid feelings,” she said, sounding slightly annoyed, “Why the fuck do I feel like this? I have a home, I have friends, I have… you. I have everything I could hope for and yet… I feel so bad, so… so numb. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

Keigo looked at her hunched back and saw that she put her face into her hands. He wished he could just take all her troubles away, be the hero that he was supposed to be, but of course, he couldn’t, and that - he hated.

“I’m so fucking tired. I have no energy for almost anything. Yesterday, before bed, I sat in front of my computer for hours. Doing absolutely nothing… Why am I even telling you this? It’s so stupid. You do so much for everyone and I’m just dumping my shit on you… saying how tired I am, while you’re so much more tired than me.” She straightened her back with a dry chuckle.

He leaned slightly towards her and put his arm on her shoulder. She turned her head to the side and looked at him from the corner of the eye.

“Don’t invalidate yourself. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Call it my… bird senses-” he smiled a little “-but I felt like you might need someone. And nothing you do or say is stupid. Not to me. Not if it’s you.”

“You… remember?” She asked with raised eyebrows, after turning her body sideways to him.

“Of course. I remember a lot of things about you,” he said with such tenderness in his eyes that, while looking into them, she felt like she could suffocate. But it was good, it wasn’t nothing. “The quote you like, how you make your coffee, what is the song you listen to on repeat… everything I see and know about you, I remember.”

Pushing away the shame and the nagging voice, saying that Keigo didn’t really care, she faced him completely and moved close enough for her knees to touch his thighs. He could see now how shiny her eyes became.

“You can cry, if you want to.”

“I wish I could… no matter how teary my eyes get, it’s just… nothing comes out of them. But on the inside, on the inside, I’m weeping.”

She talked mostly with a flat voice, little change in her tone, but he sensed the grief deep inside her. Grief for herself, grief for her crumbling mind.

“That’s okay. It will come when the time is right.” He really hoped he was doing it right. That he was able to give any comfort.

With slight hesitation, she touched his leg with her fingertips before resting her palms to play with the fabric of his pants.

“I don’t get it. Why you are so… here. You could just leave and I would be okay… in time.”

“I told you that I love you, right?”

“You did, but still…” Her eyes became unseeing again. She looked through space with a spaced-out expression. “If I wasn’t here you wouldn’t have to bother, you wouldn’t have to worry.”

“Are you saying that you’ve thought about…” He did not want to end that sentence, too scared to actually hear it.

“Death?” So she ended it for him. “Yeah, I do… from time to time. But I don’t think I’d do it. Even if I think it would be better without me taking up space, I’m too selfish to just let go of everything…”

Keigo was a bit shocked with how calm she was. Death was something that he himself contemplated in the past, but hearing it said by someone he loved was on a whole another level. Fright and relief washed over him.

He took both of her hands into his and brought them to his mouth. He put his lips on her skin, not kissing, just feeling, making sure that she was indeed there with him.

“I… am so glad. So glad that you trust me enough to let me into your mind.” He made sure to look her straight in the eyes. His (just barely) trembling fingers squeezing hers. “You are my Sun. The most important star in my galaxy, in my whole universe, even. And I will do anything in my power to prevent you from burning out. I… I just need you like flowers need the Sun.”

She did not expect such a statement from him, it wasn’t really in his nature to make proclamations of that stature. But she knew it was on purpose, another thing he remembered: her love for the stars. If he loved her like she loved the unknown universe… It was almost overwhelming. She also understood the implication of his power - he would try to help her and if she needed more, he would get anyone more suited for this particular job.

He sighed and put their hands down (never letting go).

“It sounds selfish, doesn’t it? You need me and I say that I need you.”

She gently pulled her hands away from his and changed her position to sit on her feet. Leaning forward, she cupped his face softly, fingers getting tangled in his messy blond hair.

“Do you know what is it about us, Keigo? Why do we even work?” She asked quietly.

“Hmm?”

“We’re fake. Both of us.” He knew what she meant. “We’re fake to the world. But we know the truth and need each other to tell it.”

He said nothing, instead just embracing her, the words still echoing in his mind.

The position they were in was uncomfortable. His arms around her torso, hers around his neck with her head on his shoulder, both leaning into one another a bit awkwardly. Still, they both savored the warmth the other provided.

“I will stand by you all the way, as long as you want me,” he whispered right in her ear.

“You’re betting on a losing dog…”

“A losing dog...? Then I’m losing by your side.” He felt her slight smile on the crook of his neck. “I’ll wait for the day when you sing along to songs again…”

She lifted her head to look at him from the corner of her eye.

“You know, that’s a bit cheesy.”

“Maybe,” he said with a sigh, “but when you do it, you always seem happy or content. When you stop singing, the silence is almost deafening…”

She hummed in agreement, he was right, after all.

“Hide me away, Keigo,” she whispered gripping the fabric on his back, “Just for a moment, please.”

His wings spread to the sides before enveloping tightly the two of them.

They sat in their own crimson bubble, a safe haven, while his phone lit up in his pocket with a reminder of forgotten reality.

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theprologues · 3 years

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SUBMISSION - Grammys performance symbolism, part two

So, with those reservations safely out of the way, and a warning to readers NOT to hurt themselves by getting their hopes up again …

What aspects of Taylor’s Grammy’s performance made me think there might be light at the end of the tunnel for Kaylor?

First, Taylor’s blue and gold performance dress. “Deep blue but you painted me golden” is a line from Dancing With Our Hands Tied, a song that is widely assumed to be about the night of Kissgate. It’s a song where Taylor talks about how miserable (“deep blue”) she was after the collapse of her relationship with Diana and her public reputation in 2013. She describes how her new lover, Karlie, brought her back to life and lit her up with the glow of a new, true love. She painted her golden. But then they were caught in an intimate moment at Kissgate, and Taylor panicked. Her fears and anxieties threatened to drown her, and though she and her new lover tried to dance through the catastrophe, they eventually came to realize they were doing so with their hands tied. They had no hope of swimming to the surface together and breaking free. They could only have done so if Taylor had stood firm and owned their love in the moment, instead of setting in motion the bearding contracts that would change everything. (This is what she means when she says that “if I could dance with you again”, she would “kiss” and “hold” her lover, instead of presumably backing away. If she could do the moment over, she would claim Karlie as her lover, and hold her hand for the world to see, through hell or high water.)

Though it’s a depressing motif in DWOHT, Taylor has, interestingly, returned to this imagery of a golden tie several times in other songs, painting it in a much more positive light. Most recently, the Willow music video explores this, visually representing the “single thread of gold that tied me to you” which Taylor sings about in Invisible String. Both IS and Willow are happy songs, which describe their lovers as being tied together by fate. “Wherever you go, I’ll follow,” Taylor sings in Willow. In DWOHT, the lovers followed each other to a place of deepest blue. The bottom of the ocean, under the waves, where they couldn’t breathe. In Willow they follow each other to freedom.

That freedom is represented in the Willow music video by the open cabin door the lovers step through at the end of the video. Taylor incorporates this door into the Willow section of her Grammy’s performance, performing first in the open doorway and then stepping through it to perform with her band out in the open.

But returning to the blue and gold dress. This is not only a very Karlie motif which keeps recurring in her art (often to postitve effect). It’s also a representation of Taylor finding happiness WITHIN the closet. It’s talking about how her partner’s love helps her to bear the depression being in the closet, and fearing exposure, causes her. The fact that Taylor chooses to wear this dress throughout her performance, with no costume changes, suggests a) she is still in the closet, and b) she is still with Karlie, and still considers her love to be such a lifeline.

If Toe was real and Taylor was happy with him, she could have chosen to wear an all-gold dress for the occasion. If Kaylor was over and she had decided to return to the closet, she could have communicated that by wearing all blue. If Kaylor was over and so far in the past she had moved on with someone new, there was no need to evoke the motif at all. She could simply have laid claim to another color, or worn another prairie type dress to fit the aesthetic. And yet, she didn’t. Why not, if not to communicate what I said above?

What else is worth considering, in Taylor’s medley? Well, there’s the cabin setting. Taylor and Karlie famously took a trip to Big Sur forest and stayed in a cabin together in 2014, where Karlie was the first person to hear 1989 in full. They took many photos on the trip, including one captioned with “on the way home” (a lyric from You Are In Love, which talks about hearing love in the silence) and one of the two of them looking up at a fallen tree. A VERY similar looking tree appears in the Cardigan music video, and the slanted, moss-covered roof Taylor opens the medley lying on also looks a lot like this tree. Again, curious that she would call back to this if she and Karlie have separated.

Moving on. Taylor opens the medley singing on the roof, looking straight up into the camera. When we pull back we see the stage around set to that of a starry night. Taylor is thus cast as the romantic, the star-gazer. She also calls back to another lyric Kaylors have previously tied to Karlie - “up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush”. It’s been repeatedly tied to Karlie and Taylor’s attendance at the Victoria Secret show after-party. Again, why evoke imagery so tied to the early, happy days of this relationship?

We then move through a progression of events that sees her hiding inside with friends, before eventually stepping out into the light. That all reads like a visual interpretation of her relationship with Karlie, from her early loneliness and lovestruck dreaming, to the happiness she finds within her little hideaway, to her eventual decision to step out of it and claim her lover. The medley ends on a repetition of “that’s my man”, seemingly hinting that Taylor’s freedom is tied up in her ability to finally say those words.

What else? Well, there are the Ivy allusions. Taylor’s cabin covered in greenery can’t help but evoke the lyrics of Ivy - “my house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you”. Ivy is widely interpreted as a sapphic song about two women finding love despite their commitments to men. Another line in the song “he’s in the room, your opal eyes are all I wish to see, he wants what’s only yours” is alluded to in Taylor’s choice of opal jewelry on the night. What a weird thing to draw attention to, if you’re not secretly in love with a woman while parading a beard around in public. We’re also told in the song that “he” (possibly the same man, possibly another) wants to burn the house of the Ivy lovers down. Jerk just so happened to announce the baby’s birth on this night, in what felt like an attempt to undermine Taylor’s joy. Hmm. Curious.

You know what else is curious? Taylor’s choice of outfit for the Grammys red carpet. Not only is the floral dress very reminiscent of a floral ensemble Karlie wore to cover a June (pride month) issue of Spanish Vogue. (Cover subtitled, “flowers of change”.) It’s also by the designer Oscar de la Renta. Taylor and Karlie famously attended one of his shows together early on in their relationship. They sat in the front row looking very cozy, while Taylor refused to answer questions about why she was there and reportedly giggled “my publicist will be mad at me”. Hmm.

Taylor has also worn Oscar de la Renta on numerous occasions while out with Karlie, including most famously at the Met Gala. That iconic pale pink gown that she was buried in the Look What You Made Me Do music video? That was an Oscar de la Renta. There are many interpretations of the scene in the video, but it’s worth noting that Taylor is buried alive in it (which could be interpreted as a metaphor for being closeted) and that in a video all about her various revenge fantasies, she depicts herself crawling back up out of this grave. She views coming back to life and walking away from the flaming wreckage of her past with Big Machine as the ultimate revenge. At the end of the video she clips her own wings while all the past iterations of her argue amongst themselves. This would seem to suggest that she can defeat her enemies but she can’t defeat herself, because she can’t outrun her past, and until then she will always be doomed to self-sabotage. Nevertheless, this Taylor (lurking in the background bedecked in peaced-out palm tree print) is in a much better position than the Taylor who opened the video as a zombie corpse. She’s on the surface and has some hope of freedome, at last. This is a theme we see carried through in the following video, where Taylor goes one-on-one against herself and eventually breaks free.

Long story short? Taylor wearing such a floral, literally blooming dress from THIS designer, of all people, suggests she may finally be about to rise again. The aborted coming out apparently planned for the Lover era (and thus seeded during the Rep era) may finally be a go?

Again, I’m very reluctant to get people’s hopes up here. But it’s hard to look at this dress and not think of that June (Pride month) floral magazine cover. Or of the Spade riddle, “Why worry? She blooms in June.” Or of the fact that Taylor’s stunts are often loudest before the end. She acknowledged Calvin and hugged him at an awards show before he was booted out of the narrative and Tom H appeared to replace him. (Something like ten days or so after the “split”, if I remember right?) And the inconsistencies of the Toe timeline speak for themselves. There was speculation - unpopular though it was - among Kaylors in the Rep era that guessed Taylor wouldn’t come out until 2021 / 2022. It seemed a world away at the time but who knows? Maybe this was always the plan. Maybe this is all “part of the fucking story”, even the parts that seem ugly or counterproductive. A lot can change in a couple of months in Hollywood, and with Taylor in particular. By June, it’s possible we COULD be looking at a vastly different landscape. Maybe this was one last hurrah for the Toes. Many of them are just harmless fans taking Taylor at her word, after all.

Only time will tell, and I don’t blame Kaylors for checking out. This isn’t healthy, especially for those of us who are gay ourselves, and can’t help but feel a personal connection to Taylor’s journey out of the closet. We know what a big deal it would be. But for those who still want to hope … It’s just possible Taylor has a plan, and this is the dark night before the dawn.

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Pro: I added the photos and the bolded parts. Love symbolism. This was truly a spectacular performance. Awesome submission anon!!

#submission #submitted by anonymous

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woogyu · 3 years

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A World Tinted Gold | Mingyu; Chapter Two

Kalon; beauty that is more than skin-deep

streamer!y/n x werewolf!mingyu

notes; werewolf au

word count; 1749

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summary; The only werewolves you encountered were the ones living inside your video games. They were nothing more to you than mythical creatures you often had to kill in order to complete objectives. You had a good thing going with your online gaming setup. Your supporters were kind and usually tipped well during streams. Sure it meant you had to deal with the occasional creep sliding into your DMs, but it was worth it. Playing games online was putting you through college. Little did you know your quiet life was about to be turned upside down at the hands of someone you didn’t think existed outside of the virtual world.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Are you seriously watching that steamer again? Why don’t you just play the games yourself?” Seungcheol questioned as he stepped into Mingyu’s room, chuckling as the younger wolf quickly turned around and blushed.

“It’s not the same… I’m not really interested in the games, I’m interested in her” Mingyu admitted sheepishly, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. He didn’t know what it was about you that made him so transfixed, but he had a hard time tearing his eyes from the screen. Hell, just the other day when you read his comment aloud, he was over the moon.

“It’s rare for you to show interest in a girl at all” Seungcheol remarked, eyebrow pulled up in question. Until a wolf found its mate there was little reason to get involved with or show interest in others romantically. There were of course some wolves that preferred being unmated; it allowed them to be explorative with their romantic partners. Not all wolves longed to find their mate, and not all wolves would end up finding their mates. He knew destiny had a hand to play in it all, but the thought of never finding who he was supposed to be with made the wolf in him whine. Mingyu wasn’t an unmated wolf that enjoyed exploring his options, he was desperately waiting for the day he met his mate. Right now, Mingyu wasn’t sure if he was simply lonely or if there was something more going on.

“There is just something about her…” Mingyu started, pausing for a second to find the right words, “I just have a hard time tearing my eyes away from the screen. There is something about her that just draws me in” Mingyu explained. He wasn’t doing a very good job at explaining the feelings that bubbled up inside him when he saw you on screen. When he tried to explain it he could never quite describe the feeling that settled over his chest and body, it was a warmth almost like a subtle glow within him.

Seungcheol didn’t comment on it any further as he moved into the room and crossed his arms over his chest. Mingyu knew better than to ignore the alpha, closing his laptop he turned to face Seungcheol fully. Their pack had a different dynamic than most. Normally a thirteen-member pack would be impossible because of the strain it put on the head alpha. It worked for them because while Seungcheol was their main alpha, they had two secondary alphas, Jihoon and Soonyoung. The three of them shared the work of looking after the group and it worked perfectly for them. He liked that the alphas didn’t abuse their power, there was a lot of lenience in the pack and it made for less confrontations.

“Joshua has to head into town tonight and won’t be able to run the perimeter. Would you be alright with doing it?” Seungcheol asked, pursing his lips as he looked down at the younger wolf. Mingyu normally enjoyed running the perimeter, it meant he got to shift and stretch his body, but this time he was a little bit more hesitant with his answer. Mingyu knew that later on tonight you would have a new video posted and he would have to wait even longer to watch it. It seemed like a silly reason, but his heart ached at the thought of not being able to ‘see’ you on screen until early tomorrow morning.

“Sure! I don’t mind” Mingyu answered with a half-smile, Seungcheol never asked him for much so he figured he could help him out with this. Seungcheol breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned back against the wall.

“Thank you, I didn’t really want to be the one stuck doing it again” Seungcheol admitted, the alpha had been on perimeter duty for the past 3 nights and must have been eager for a good night’s sleep. Mingyu smiled and nodded his head a few times, his own wants would just have to be paused for a little while.

Before leaving the room Seungcheol patted him on the shoulder, yawning a little bit as he headed toward what Mingyu assumed was his own room. Mingyu was thankful that Seungcheol’s parents had left him their families pack house. Coming from a family of alpha’s certainly had its perks, and it meant they all got their own rooms.

Once Seungcheol was gone he checked the time, he had roughly 4 hours before he would have to head out.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“I just don’t understand what this trend is supposed to be” you complained to Ciri for probably the 20th time over your video call. Apparently, there was a trend going around among streamers to recreate video games in real life. You hadn’t thought much of it when it first gained popularity, but now Ciri thought it would be a good idea for the two of you to join in on it. Her big plan was a two-part video where the two of you recreated iconic aspects of the Witcher 3 video game. You should have known she would want to do it, she already owned a Cirilla cosplay.

“It’s going to be fun” Ciri reminded you, drawing out the last syllable as she drew a fake scar along her face, effectively transforming herself into the iconic video game character.

“Come on, I even sent you the Yennefer cosplay and everything!” she exclaimed, using her make up brush to point at the camera accusingly. You rolled your eyes as you reached up to adjust the dark black wig that you now wore. To her credit, Ciri had sent you everything you would need to transform yourself into Yennefer of Vengerberg. How she somehow guessed your sizing right you would have no idea. Probably the Witcher powers.

“I wish we lived in the same city” you sighed, leaning your head back and looking up at the ceiling. Things would be so much easier if you and Ciri, and the other girls, didn’t live so far away from one another. But that was the price you paid for finding your friends online.

“Me too” Ciri said with a gentle sigh, setting her make up tools down and picking up her phone, her face coming into full view.

“I sent you the script, I won’t be able to stay on the call with you while we are filming because data rates are crazy, but I know you’ll do amazing” Ciri said with a reassuring smile. You would have to film all of this on your own, which was just a little bit intimidating. Ciri’s script mostly just directed you to do a lot of handwaving and she would add in the ‘magic’ elements later.

“Just find a good spot in the woods and it’ll be perfect” Ciri finished with a nod of her head. You sighed, straightening yourself up and looking down at your phone.

“I’ll call you later on when I’m finished to send you the video” you mumbled, pouting a little bit as you stood and picked up your phone.

“Good luck!” Ciri told you, waving a little bit before ending the call. Great, now you actually had to go do it…

»»————-　♡　————-««

You were lucky there was quite a bit of woods around where you lived, the problem was going to be trying to get to the woods without anyone seeing the ridiculous clothes you were wearing. You threw on a huge coat, effectively covering up most of the costume. After grabbing the bag with your equipment, you ventured outside, keeping your head down as you walked to avoid drawing attention.

Twenty minutes later you were standing in the middle of a beautiful calm forest. Now that you were here you questioned why you didn’t come out here more often. You couldn’t hear the loud noises that came with living in a bustling city and the air felt fresh on your face. Once you reached a small clearing by a river you laid your things down and took a deep breath, basking in the coolness of the air. Maybe this trend wouldn’t be so bad.

After setting up your camera in a place you were at least half sure wouldn’t result in it falling over, you walked into frame and took a deep breath. You briefly checked your phone to see what Ciri’s notes asked of you, before you began doing your best to follow directions. Your portion of the video wouldn’t be long, but you did re-film it 4 times to try and get your motions to be less stiff.

After forty-five minutes of waving your arms around, you walked back to your camera, picking it up before taking a seat on a nearby log. Reviewing the footage, you winced at how awkward it looked, you seriously hoped that Ciri could work some magic on this because you didn’t have it in you to film it again.

The forest around you was darkening as the day began to draw to a close, but you couldn’t bring yourself to head back right away. The forest was too peaceful and serene. Reaching up you pulled your wig off, stuffing it in your bag as you sighed with relief. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, focusing in on the sounds of nature around you. Maybe coming to the woods would become a weekly thing for you, like therapy.

A low deep growl broke you out of your trance, your eyes flying open and flickering around to find the source. Your heart hammered against your chest, and your whole body stiffened in fear. A few moments later a dark black wolf emerged from the trees, larger than any wolf you had seen on tv. You could vaguely see blood dripping from its muzzle, and its dark red eyes were focused right on you.

It paused at the edge of the clearing, its lips pulling back to reveal sharp blood-stained teeth. Your breath came quick as you leaned back, unsure if you should run or try and hide behind the log. Both seemed unhelpful in this current situation, but you were really low on options.

The wolf’s body tensed before springing toward you. Your hands instinctively grabbed whatever was nearest to you, which happened to be your very expensive camera, and threw it toward the wolf. This did nothing to deter the predator from its prey, and within seconds the beast was on you.

#seventeen werewolf #werewolf!seventeen #werewolf!mingyu #seventeen x reader #ultkpop #seventeen #svt #seventeen imagines #seventeen fanfic #seventeen scenarios #kim mingyu #Werewolf!AU #werewolf!svt #mingyu imagines #mingyu scenarios #mingyu x reader #seventeen mingyu

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heymusings · 2 years

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One of my favorite take away from No Way Home is Tom Holland’s Peter Parker is now a fully formed superhero in his own right. In the previous films: 1) we watch him slowly come of age-- a kid eager to please and be equal to those he respects, almost wanting to be or emulate those he respects as heroes rather than finding his own niche, leading to a lot of rash and childish decisions and a misunderstanding of the ‘suite’ that he needs to be more than the suite. 2) In the second movie he experiences the pull between normalcy and the hero business, and begins to come to terms with the inevitability that going forward they would be tied and there will be a need for balance-- this film is also about him really coming into his powers (such as having to rely more on his sense than his eyes).

The experiences in both films are important; however, Peter ALWAYS had people to fall back on when things went sideways, whether that was Tony, the Avengers, and even Aunt May-- along with easy access to things that make his life as a superhero a little bit easier (Stark tech, etc.). These people have all impacted and inspired Peter in a variety of ways and helped him learn; but the continued presence of these mentor figures have really extended the story arch of his development into a superhero. The impact of Tony’s death, while impactful as he was both a mentor and in someway a defacto dad, was the only real change in Peter’s personal life, and Tony wasn’t necessarily part of his personal life either so the loss didn’t really change anything for him personally-- and Tony had arguably already imparted all the knoweldge he could onto Peter (which was also part of Peter’s development for the second film). Its weird to say, but in some way, those mentor figures are what has given Peter such an extended origins story by limiting his development, but I mean that in a good way-- slowing it down is perhaps the better phrasing. I would argue up until this movie he had not really taken on such a role fully because he had yet to really stand on his own or the need to do so, nor had he really undergone a total loss...that completely changes in this film, in many, many ways.

These films have done the best in really emphasizing Peter’s age and providing these mentor figures, as well as their CONTINUED presence in his life during these points in his hero’s journey have really allowed a steady development and for audiences to be reminded of Peter’s age. The previous films had the tendency to: here is Peter Parker, he’s smart, kind of lame, but with a heart of gold, and he’s a kid (although he doesn’t look it), now he has powers, now he’s an adult doing and worrying about adult things...while also being a super hero. We just never got a really sense of his youth and how that would effect him-- even an instance (Uncle Ben), while incredibly impactful, would not change someone’s whole state of heart/mind over night. Will it impact their mission statement, YES, as is the nature with superheroes, but its just not going to suddenly have a high school kid or someone who is18-19, max 20-22 years old suddenly acting like a word wearied and seasoned 30-40 year old superhero.

At the end of No Way Home, Peter has only himself, literally, in more ways than one. He has been inspired by all of the important mentors in his life and they have contributed their experience and world views onto him, and he has taken them into himself, and learned from them them. He now understands that while he may not always want to be the hero, he is, and even more, he wants to do what is right and he is willing to do that, even if it is full of risk and you can’t always save everyone-- you can try, because it is the right thing. And now he has developed enough to where he can perhaps go about it a little bit more smartly and maturely.

I really have appreciated how TH’s Peter has slowly developed over the course of each film he’s appeared in, really emphasizing just how young Peter was when this started for him (even at the beginning of this movie he wasn’t mature enough to realize there are easier ways to at least try and fix a problem other than magic/power), but also noting how the active presence of others like Tony and the Avengers, and even those closest to him knowing his identity really early on, have effected that development while also really playing with how it develops to give us something different while also still remaining true to the origins.

That last image of him, now taking on a classic hand made suite, is the MCU Peter becoming the real Spiderman for the first time since his run began. So what I am pretty much saying-- they duped us into thinking they just skipped over the origin story (it had been done 2 other times in film after all). But no, all three films have been the origin story. I dig that.

#peter parker #things fangirls say #text #film #mcu #marvel #spiderman #no way home spoiler #no way home

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tripleaxeldiaz · 3 years

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maybe one day i’ll fly next to you

chapter 6/8

read on ao3

start from the beginning

Eddie gets cleared with two weeks to spare, and they celebrate by making out on Buck’s couch for so long it actually starts to hurt.

Buck can admit that as excited as he was to give this thing of theirs a go (“You can call me your boyfriend, Buck, it’s not a bad word”), there was still a part of him that was nervous. Nervous about how it would affect him, would affect both of them, especially now, when they’re physically and emotionally exhausted as they hurtle closer and closer to Beijing. For the first week, Buck kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Eddie to realize this was a mistake and break it off cleanly, before they got in too deep. He knows what a monster he can be when he’s strung out on stress, and only Maddie has ever been able to see past the short words and shorter temper and get him to breathe again.

But one day, after an awful practice that brought the monster out in full force, Eddie found him hiding out in the locker room, fuming by himself and at himself. He didn’t chastise him like he could have (like he should have), didn’t tell him he was overreacting or that he was too much. Instead, he did what had become such a pillar in their friendship: he sat next to Buck and waited. And when all the anger and frustration finally seeped out of him, Eddie was there with a warm, solid, grounding hand to pull him back to his feet and away from the edge he was mentally leaning over. No judgement or invalidation, just genuine empathy.

And that’s all it took for it to slot into place for Buck. That no matter what, they’re friends — best friends — first, and their very unique life paths means they understand each other on a level that no one else can. Being boyfriends just means they get to do more fun things together now, like making out on couches like the real teenagers they never got to be.

The weeks after Eddie’s clean bill of health fly by, and they’re heading to Lake Placid before he knows it. Buck’s excited — he’s always excited for Nats — but he also feels a looming sense of foreboding, like any minute, something is going to go terribly, terribly wrong. The last time he competed here was four seasons ago, when he won his last Nats gold, two weeks before shattering his leg and Olympic dreams in one fell swoop. Who’s to say it won’t happen again? Maybe the universe has decided that the Olympics are not for him, and this weekend will result in a last place finish or another injury or something else that takes everything away from him again.

He feels a warm palm against his and a squeeze, looks up to see Eddie watching him, framed by the snowy mountains whizzing by the bus window. His brow is creased in worry, like he can see the storm starting to swirl in Buck’s head. That worry, the way Eddie knows him, is strangely grounding, pulling him out of his dark cloud enough to actually enjoy the view of upstate New York they have as they make their way to their hotel.

The pre-competition routine is easy, familiar, and Buck lets himself get lost in it, block out any and all doubts that keep trying to sink their claws into him as the weekend gets closer and closer. Eddie’s there every step of the way too, not at all the distraction Buck had been worried about for way too long, but a welcome calm in the clusterfuck of his emotions, something for him to hold onto and gravitate back towards when it all starts to be too much. He can’t believe he survived this season — or any other season — without this to balance him out, but he knows for a fact that he’s never letting it go.

It’s the morning before shorts, and Buck is woken up by obnoxious pounding on their hotel room door. He feels a groan rumble through Eddie’s chest where it’s pressed against his back, smirks as he feels his arms wrap tighter around his waist.

“If we’re quiet enough, maybe they’ll go away,” Eddie whispers.

“Get up losers, we know you can hear us,” Chim yells through the door. Buck throws back the covers, chilly morning air making him even more irritated, and yanks the door open, coming face to face with Chim and May.

“Oh thank god, he’s wearing pants,” May sighs in relief.

Buck squints an eye at her. “It’s 8:00am, what could you possibly want from us this early?”

“It’s team bonding day,” Chim says with a grin. “We’re going to Mirror Lake. Grab Eddie and your skates and meet us at the bus in 15.”

“What if we had our own plans?” Buck asks, crossing his arms. “How do you know we weren’t gonna spend all day in bed having—” A hand clamps over his mouth from behind him before he can finish.

“We’ll see you guys down there,” Eddie says. He shuts the door on them and pinches Buck’s side, turning toward his suitcase to find clothes.

“What?” Buck asks, laughing. “I was gonna say having a movie marathon, you didn’t let me finish.”

That earns him a sweatshirt thrown at his head, but Eddie’s looking at him all fond and soft when he throws it, so Buck’s not complaining.

Mirror Lake is the very definition of “winter wonderland” — the ice seems like it’s never ending, so clean and smooth you almost feel bad skating over it. Mountains and forests surround it on all sides to hide it away from the rest of the world, and Christmas lights are still strung up in the trees and around houses. It’s fairly empty this early, just a small group of kids playing a pickup game of hockey near one of the inns. A dusting of snow covers and muffles everything, bringing a sense of stillness and calm that’s unmatched anywhere else.

Buck takes a deep breath and revels at the bite he feels in his lungs. All the thoughts and voices filling his head finally quiet down, and he can just be here, enjoy this time with his friends without worrying about what’s going to happen tomorrow or next month. He knows it won’t last long, will all come flooding back as soon as they leave the lake, but he’s going to soak it all in while he can.

He’s fallen behind the group a bit as they spread out, taking in the sight of everyone — Maddie and Chim holding hands and matching strokes like always, Hen and May making up some kind of obstacle course, Bobby and Athena lost in deep conversation as they glide. He keeps looking until he spots Eddie, a little ways from the group, moving and spinning to the music only he can hear in his head. He’s as graceful as ever, confident in every movement, but there’s peace in him too — he’s at ease, free from the pressure of competition and perfection that Buck knows rests so heavily on his shoulders. The early morning sun bathes him in golden light, but it’s nothing compared to the smile sent his direction when he catches Buck watching.

He’s so beautiful it actually takes Buck’s breath away.

Eddie makes his way back to him, the light following in his wake. His smile is even brighter up close, but Buck only gets to enjoy it for a moment before he’s being pulled into a kiss so sweet and slow and perfect it makes him dizzy. Eddie pulls away just as quickly as he came in, the smile replaced with a smirk, and Buck barely registers the words “Race ya!” before Eddie’s speeding off to the other side of the lake. He’s stunned for a minute before he pushes off too, catching up with Eddie and doing his best to cut him off the rest of the way. Their laughter echoes off the mountains, surrounding them in their own joy, and Buck for the life of him can’t remember the last time he was this happy.

~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie’s in first and Buck’s closing out the group, because apparently the universe gets a kick out of watching him suffer.

They’ve been in this same situation so many times before, and he used to be able to turn his irritation at another flawless skate from Eddie into determination, propelling his own skating to be as close to perfect as possible. Now, though, he feels...proud. And happy for Eddie, because despite the weeks out and any lingering pain, he was flawless again — everything perfectly landed and rotated, a commanding presence on the ice. It’s a weird feeling, but it’s also nice, especially when Eddie winks at him and mouths good luck as he makes his way to the kiss and cry, and Buck’s whole body fills up with giddy butterflies.

Turns out butterflies work better than anything else for him — he’s 10 points in first place after shorts, and he feels so electric, so on top of the world he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Until he sees Eddie again on their way to the presser, costume still sticking to him with sweat in all the right places, hair mussed and cheeks rosy.

Then there’s only one thing he wants to do, and he can’t believe he has to be polite to reporters before he can do it.

He manages to be nice and not stare at Eddie the whole time, but he snaps as soon as they get back to their hotel room, pushing Eddie up against the door as it closes and kissing him fast and dirty.

“Is this your way of distracting me so you win tomorrow?” Eddie asks, breathless from the kiss, fingers threading through Buck’s hair as Buck trails kisses down his jaw and neck, pausing only to shove Eddie’s jacket and shirt off so he can get to more skin. He stops again just as he gets to Eddie’s chest, his breath ghosting over a nipple and leaving goosebumps in its wake. Eddie’s pupils are blown wide when he meets his eyes, and the blush on his cheeks and crawling down his chest is so pretty Buck could write sonnets about it.

He smirks, the novelty of the effect he has on Eddie far from wearing off. “Do you want me to stop?”

Eddie shakes his head, cupping Buck’s jaw to pull him back up. “Fuck no, don’t even think about it,” he says before kissing him hard again, tongue licking into his mouth immediately, and Buck can practically taste the quiet, subconscious sounds Eddie makes as his fingers run down his chest and stomach. He quickly thanks whoever made track pants a part of the Team USA uniform before shoving Eddie’s down his thighs and finally getting a hand on his cock, already hard and leaking. Eddie whines as Buck breaks their kiss, but it settles into a sigh as he resumes his trail down his body. Normally he’d spend a lot longer working his mouth over as much of Eddie’s skin as he can reach, relish in the salty sweet taste of it and hit all the places that make Eddie’s hips buck forward without his permission, but he’s only got one goal in mind at the moment. He’ll make it up to Eddie later.

He finally swallows Eddie down, hears a “fuck” and a thump above him as Eddie’s head hits back against the door. He knows exactly what Eddie likes — the first week of their relationship was pretty much dedicated to figuring out all the best ways to make each other fall apart. Eddie gets a hand in his hair again as he hollows out his cheeks and hums, vibrations sending another wave of shivers over Eddie, making his hips rock even more. Buck looks up, and Eddie looks wrecked, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, head thrown back and neck bared. It’s a miracle, really, that Buck doesn’t come right then and there.

“Christ, Buck, I’m—” Eddie tugs on Buck’s hair in warning, but it just makes Buck go faster, coaxing and coaxing until Eddie’s spilling into his mouth. Buck just barely has time to finish swallowing before he’s being yanked back to his feet and into a searing kiss, Eddie wasting no time in tasting himself on Buck’s tongue. He barely registers where Eddie’s hands are until he feels one wrap around his cock, steady and determined. He’s so keyed up now that it doesn’t take much — a few twists of Eddie’s wrist and a bruise sucked onto the underside of his jaw has him spilling over Eddie’s hand before he knows it.

He presses kisses to every part of Eddie’s face he can reach as he comes down, soaking in the warmth radiating from him, only stopping when Eddie not so discreetly tries to wipe his hand on Buck’s pants.

“Hey!” he cries, laughing at the look on Eddie’s face. “Go wash your hands like a normal person and come meet me in bed.”

“Room service?”

“Duh.” He kisses Eddie’s nose before flopping onto the bed and flipping through movie rentals. The rest of their evening is quiet, full of bad movies and french fries and conversations about everything and nothing, and Buck feels an ease that he never feels the night before free skates. Tomorrow may be make or break for him, for both of them, but in this little cocoon of theirs, his face tucked into Eddie’s neck and Eddie’s arms around him as they drift off to sleep, the worry and nerves and anxiety feel too far away to touch him.

~~~~~~~~~~

The worst part is that he knows it’s a dream.

He knows if he jumps in real life, he’ll always come back down. Maybe not gently and maybe not on his feet, but after half a second of air time, he will touch the ground again.

But now he’s taken off and he just keeps going — it’s completely impossible, but he’s still scared. Scared of the unknown that he’s propelling towards, scared that he can’t control his body or where it’s going, scared that it’s all going to end and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Fear turns to pure terror as his weight shifts of its own accord and starts sending him back to the rink he’s made up in his head. He thinks (hopes) he’ll wake up before he makes impact, but the panic is still clawing at him, sinking into his bones and running all the worst case scenarios though his head. He crashes through the ice but it doesn’t stop — flashes of disappointed faces, snippets of voices tinged with pity for him and the fact that he failed once again. It’s cacophonous and overwhelming, but he catches specific voices — Maddie, Bobby, Eddie — that try to push through, try to pull him out, but it’s not enough. He’s falling into the nothingness of his own failure and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.

He finally wakes up, his skin feels like it’s buzzing, alive with lingering panic. He’s got an arm around Eddie’s waist and his face pressed into the back of his neck, and he takes a minute to breathe him in and get his heart to slow back down. It’s early, barely light out, but Buck slips out of bed, grabs the comforter from the other one, and quietly slides open the balcony door. The snow is just starting to glow from the first rays of sunlight, and everything is quiet, still, a direct contrast with the thoughts and feelings still swirling in Buck. He sits on the little bench facing the surrounding forest, does his best to focus on the chill in the air and the quiet nature sounds around him, tries to shut out everything else and be right where he is.

It takes a while, but it helps.

The sun is fully up by the time he goes back in, and Eddie’s just finishing packing up his skating bag. Buck’s bag, actually. Eddie’s is already set by the door. He feels on the verge of tears again, but not in a bad way.

Eddie turns to him as he slides the door shut. His eyes track everywhere, like he’s cataloging Buck, taking stock before making a move. Buck’s stupidly grateful for it — he feels like one wrong move could send him cracking all over again, and it wouldn’t be Eddie’s fault, but he’d get the brunt of it. But Eddie knows him better than almost anyone, so whatever move he makes will be a good one.

He watches Eddie move slowly toward him and reach for his hand, giving Buck every opportunity to back up and say no. That’s not at all what he wants, so he meets Eddie halfway and laces their fingers together.

“Do you need another minute?” Eddie asks quietly.

Buck shakes his head. “I’m okay. We have to leave soon anyway.”

“Will you believe me if I tell you that everything’s gonna be fine?”

“Probably not.”

Eddie nods. “Okay.” He tugs Buck toward him, gently kisses his forehead, cheek, and lips. “We need to be downstairs in 30 minutes.”

Buck squeezes his hand and heads towards the bathroom. He steps into the shower and tries to convince himself that Eddie’s right.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Channel your nerves, Buck. Everyone here is rooting for you. Show ‘em what you got.”

Buck nods at Bobby before pushing off the boards. He hears On the ice, representing the 118 Skating Club of Los Angeles, Evan Buckley and the applause that follows, but it sounds tinny and far away. He’s trying to channel everything — his nerves, doubts, fear of failure, whatever — and make it work for him, but it’s not as easy today. He feels heavy, like his body isn’t quite in line with his mind and what he needs to be doing, and he knows he’s going to be fighting himself for every element for the next four and a half minutes.

The music starts and he tries to float with it, use it to push through the extra gravity he feels and lift himself up more. He lands his first jump — his triple axel, usually one of his strongest — but feels himself wobble, knows his GOE will be low. He misses the second jump on his first combo and has to mentally comb through his program to figure out where he can tack it onto to make up points. On and on it goes — he doesn’t fall, there’s no monumental breakdown, but he’s subpar, doesn’t meet his own expectations and probably doesn’t meet those of the USFSA. He finishes with the fakest smile he’s ever slapped on his face and all but sprints to the kiss and cry.

Nats scores are always inflated, so he doesn’t do bad, but he’s certainly done better. There are three skaters left, including Eddie, and a terrible part of him hopes that the other two eat ice so he can still finish on the podium and salvage his spot in Beijing.

They don’t. Naturally. He sits in the green room as they each have the best skate of their season and leap frog over his score. Eddie’s last to go and he lays it all out there, like he’s already at the Olympics, but Buck’s hardly mad about that. He’s a force, attacking every jump but still keeping a softness in his movements to match Jeff Buckley’s voice. Buck’s got chills up and down his back during his last step sequence and into his final pose, and he knows it’s a gold medal by a mile. And he’s happy for Eddie, ecstatic even, but he also feels his heart break a little bit, because Eddie winning puts him in fourth.

The pewter medal. A stupid consolation prize that only the USFSA gives out. He’s technically still on the podium, but it somehow feels worse than if he’d finish last.

“You had a great Grand Prix this year, that counts for a lot more than Nats,” Eddie says on the ride to the airport the next day. It’s the first time Buck’s let him talk about it without changing the subject or kissing him or literally walking into another room. He’s run out of energy to avoid it anymore.

“They’ll want someone consistent, and that’s clearly not me.”

“You have the second highest overall score in the country this season, fifth in the world. They can’t ignore that.”

Buck shrugs, picks at an errant string on his hoodie to avoid looking Eddie in the eye. He feels lips press to his temple and unconsciously melts, head moving down to rest on Eddie’s shoulder.

“It’ll all work out. We’ll be in Beijing together, I know it.”

Eddie’s always so confident, so sure in his convictions and unwavering in his beliefs. Buck loves him for it but it’s also unnerving, because he wants to believe as hard as Eddie does, but he knows how this goes. He works and works and pushes and pushes but in the end, it’s not far enough. All his hard work, his literal blood sweat and tears, can’t get him that extra inch closer to where he wants to be.

It happened four years ago, and he can feel it happening again. And this time, he won’t be able to blame a broken leg for his failures.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Buck, stop shaking your leg, you’re gonna trigger an earthquake.”

Buck scowls at Chim but stops. It’s been three days since Nats, three days of waiting, knowing that at any minute, the USFSA is going to post their final Olympic team. He’s been on edge for 72 hours because they won’t have an idea it’s happening until it happens, and he thinks he might be starting to go insane.

“It’ll be soon,” Maddie says from where she’s leaning on the boards. They’re all supposed to be warming up, a long day of practice ahead, but they’re congregated around the benches instead, anxiety crackling between all of them like lightning.

He doesn’t even notice his leg starts shaking again until Eddie places a hand on it to stop him.

“Opening ceremonies are in three weeks,” May says as she stretches on the floor. “They’re cutting it awfully close if they don’t announce, like, today.”

Chim groans as he stands up from the bench to join Maddie. “Why is it even taking so long? They’ve seen how the season’s gone so far, there can’t be that much left to deliberate.”

“Do you think they’re actually still deciding, or just waiting because it’s dramatic?” Buck asks.

Eddie snorts. “Probably the latter.”

“Guys!”

They all turn towards the doorway to the locker room, and Buck feels his blood run cold. Hen is there, looking calm as ever on the outside, but he meets her eye, and he knows.

“They just posted the list. Bobby has it up on his computer.”

Chim grabs Maddie’s hand and sprints, and May is hot on their heels. Eddie gets 10 feet in front of him before he realizes Buck hasn’t followed. He’s frozen in place, hands numb, heart beating so hard he’s worried about his ribs. Right now, on the bench, he can convince himself he’s living in a world where his dreams haven’t been crushed, where he still has a chance. Once he takes a step, that all ends.

Eddie comes back for him, grabs both of his hands and waits until Buck meets his eye. When he does, he gives him that small, soft smile Buck knows is just for him, and it feels like he’s saying I believe in you. It’s enough to get him moving.

They catch up with the others just as they get to Bobby’s office, and they jostle and crowd around the desktop, trying to get a clear view. Buck’s thankful for his height and looks over everyone, the world quickly narrowing to just him and the computer screen.

From the top, the list goes men, ladies, pairs, dance, so he starts from the bottom to delay any disappointment.

He feels the tears prick when he sees Chim and Maddie listed, his smile nearly splits his face at May’s name. Eddie was inevitable, but his heart still soars when he sees it written out.

And then.

His name. His name, just above Eddie’s.

Evan Buckley. Right there, clear as day, in Times New Roman font.

He’s glad Chim and May are already crushing him in a hug, because he’s pretty sure his knees have given out.

This is real. This is happening. Eddie is squeezing his hand and Maddie is crying and it’s happening.

They are officially, officially, going to the Olympics.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #buddie fic #911 fic #LET'S GOOOOO reading this chapter over again made me so excited for y'all to read the last two chapters #also WORLDS IS HAPPENING NEXT WEEK and it DIDN'T GET CANCELLED i'm pumped #fs au #ficcery

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forever--rain · 3 years

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*hops up and down excitedly* EVER I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON HERE RN BUT FHDJKSFHA I CAME OUT OF MY CAVE TO SAY SUKKA PLAYLIST!!! DO IT DO IT DO IT I THINK WE ONLY HAVE ONE? ON SPOTIFY WHICH IS A TRAVESTY MAKE ONE PLEASE

BLUE, YOU ARE LITERALLY MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THIS FANDOM. YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL BRAIN. I'M NEVER GOING TO GET OVER THIS ASK.

Footage of me creating this playlist:

Look. You guys know that I love Zutara. But I don't think you all realize that I love Sukka just as much. Their love is so pure and their vibe as a couple is just... *sigh* 💙💚💙💚💙💚 So putting together this playlist was so much fun. I'll put all explanations of songs below the cut because this reply is already long without what comes next (but you should read them because you'll get the full effect of this playlist).

All The Small Things by blink-182

Cross Me (feat. Chance the Rapper & PnB Rock) by Ed Sheeran

I Think He Knows by Taylor Swift

I Like Me Better (Spotify Studios Version) by Lauv

Ho Hey by The Lumineers

Jackie and Wilson by Hozier

Passenger Seat by Death Cab For Cutie

Stand By Me by Florence + The Machine

The Bones - with Hozier by Maren Morris

Yours - Wedding Edition by Russell Dickerson

Send me a playlist title and I’ll give you 5-10 songs I think would go on it!

All The Small Things

She left me roses by the stairs/Surprises let me know she cares

First of all, Suki would. Second of all, I firmly believe that Sokka and Suki would constantly be doing little things to show each other that they care. Sokka would send Suki his drawings and things he's carved for her. Suki would send Sokka little gadgets and pick up fun little accessories for him at the market. They'd leave out snacks for one another. And they would always, always be there to support one another 100% of the time.

Cross Me

Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me

"WHERE. IS. SUKI?"

I rest my case.

I Think He Knows

He's so obsessed with me, and boy I understand/Boy I understand

I love this song for Sokka and Suki because we all know that Sokka throws off major "THAT'S MY WIFE" vibes in regard to Suki. As he should. But if you think that badass, super cool Suki isn't also low-key super into Sokka in the same way you are wrong. She's the type of girl to totally get why he's into her. (Why wouldn't he be? DUH.) But she would also 100% be like, "Check out this hot, goofy genius! HE'S MINE. I LANDED HIM! THAT'S MY HUSBAND!!"

I Like Me Better

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me//Damn, I like me better when I'm with you

I picked this song because of the influence Suki had on Sokka's character. Their interactions on Kyoshi Island really did change him for the better. Sokka spent so much of the series lost and feeling as though he didn't belong, but Suki brought out the best in him and helped his character evolve. He saw her, this incredible warrior with a heart of gold who wouldn't take his misogynist crap, and started working to be a better person. And I think we can all agree it was awesome to see him come into his own as a strategist and warrior. A large part of that is thanks to Suki. And Sokka would acknowledge that.

Ho Hey

I belong with you, you belong with me/You're my sweetheart

I don't think this choice needs much of an explanation. Just... They belong together, you guys.

Jackie and Wilson

She blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild/Laughing away through my feeble disguise/No other version of me I would rather be tonight/And, Lord, she found me just in time//She's gonna save me/Call me "baby"/Run her hands through my hair

Again, I'd like to point back to Sokka and Suki's first meeting. She comes out of nowhere, sees right through him, and it's thanks to her that Sokka changes his views on women (it takes time, of course, and loss, but he gets there). Also, the loss that Sokka experiences with Yue clearly affects his relationship with Suki in Book 2. He has to learn to be comfortable with the fact that Suki can save herself as well as him. And by the time Book 3 rolls around, we see them working together as a seamless team. He knows she has his back and she knows he has hers.

Passenger Seat

When you feel embarrassed/Then I'll be your pride/When you need directions/Then I'll be the guide/For all time

Oh, this song is so subtly Sukka. I hear these specific lines and think of Toph and Aang laughing at Sokka's Suki sand sculpture and Suki being proud of the fact that he even tried. I think of them being each other's compass, guiding light, and level head in stressful situations. They are so steady for and so true to one another. And I'm not crying, you're crying.

Stand By Me

If the sky that we look upon/Should tumble and fall/Or the mountains should crumble to the sea/I won't cry, I won't cry/No, I won't shed a tear/Just as long as you stand, stand by me

I chose this song because of how Sokka and Suki make one another stronger. They bolster each other. They face down certain death in the knowledge that their partner has their back and that's a beautiful thing. (Also, Florence Welch's voice on this track is incredibly emotive and intensifies the Sukka feels.)

The Bones

When there ain't a crack in the foundation/Baby, I know any storm we're facing/Will blow right over while we stay put/The house don't fall when the bones are good

This is my quintessential Sukka song. I always think of them older, maybe ten years after the war, when I hear this song. The two of them are as unshakeable as they've ever been. Was their first meeting great? No. But they grew together and formed something solid and real. I'm not one to advocate for childhood sweethearts or high school sweethearts (which is what they would've been in a "normal" storyline), but my god. These two would've been the teenage sweethearts who made it. They'd still be super into one another at 85 and just as in love as they'd ever been. If they had trials, they would've only pulled through stronger. These are two people who are capable of seeing past first impressions and loving one another for their true selves and... UGH. I LOVE them, okay?

Yours

I was one in a hundred billion/A burned out star in a galaxy/Just lost in the sky, wonderin' why/Everyone else shines out but me//But I came to life when I first kissed you/The best me has his arms around you/You make me better than I was before/Thank God I'm yours

Sokka said it himself: Compared to the others in the group, he didn't feel special because they could all bend and he couldn't. He lost his boomerang and had an identity crisis. That's the boy Suki met on Kyoshi Island--the boy who felt inferior to his little sister and to the Avatar; the boy who had to put on a false facade of bravado because he was scared... The boy who thought that it was a man's job to be the protector. The boy who thought a girl couldn't kick his ass purely because she was a girl.

Our girl ignited that change in him. Sokka knows full well what Suki's influence has done for him and he adores her for it. He's grateful for her impact on his life and he's obviously blown away by the fact that she loves him. You can tell it's the kind of relationship where he realized that if he was going to be worthy of her, he needed to prove it to her because she knew her worth. She wouldn't settle for a guy who thought she was inferior to him--she wanted someone who would see her as an equal. By the end of the series, she's his partner in every respect. He proves to her that he trusts her to have his back, that he trusts her judgement, that he trusts her in general.

Sokka knows that he's the best version of himself with Suki. He would 100% spend the rest of his life in awe of the fact that she loves him and that he's landed this miracle of a woman who has always seen him as an equal--even when he didn't feel equal to anyone else because he couldn't bend.

#ask evergreen #evergreen answers #playlist asks #thebluesunflower44 #sukka #really #read the explanations for each song you guys #get the full Sukka Feels effect #their love makes me so happy #THANK YOU BLUE FOR REQUESTING THIS PLAYLIST #blue and her big beautiful brain #when I got this ask I lost my mind #and I'm still not over it #*cries in sukka*#sukka my beloved

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shadowhuntering · 3 years

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Matthew & Alastair comparison

I’ve been re-reading Chain of Gold in prep for Chain of Iron and I've noticed that Matthew and Alastair are a foil of each other.

I’ve also been re-reading Cast Long Shadows for investigative purposes and it furthers my realization.

Matthew and Alastair have been through similar issues, but are the opposite (if that makes sense) in some ways. eg. Alastair had to pick up after Elias who is a drunk; Matthew is also a drunk. How they responded to these issues tells you a lot about their nature.

This is my observations, purely for analytical purposes so if I sound particularly harsh towards a character, I do not mean to be.

1. Personalities are the opposite to the other.

Matthew’s personality is literally meant to "blind people" because he's sunny, outgoing and is meant to be the life of the party (or his mask).

Alastair on the other hand is literally "dark" he is broody, not very forth coming and can be very prickly

Ironically though, both have the façade of being conceited when they are the opposite. Though you could argue that Matthew’s alcoholism is a result of being selfish. However, he has little regard for himself which is the danger.

Definition of selfish: Concerned chiefly or excessively with oneself, and having little regard for others.

2. They share a similar notion of love not being real, or won't last.

Alastair just having a very pessimistic view in general, but Matthew says it about himself. He has full faith that other people will have happiness, where he doesn’t see it happening for himself.

3. Alastair is unapologetically himself, whereas with Matthew he hasn’t been himself for a while, and even back before the events of Cast Long Shadows he was trying to fulfill what people needed at the time.

Matthew cares too much about the people around him to think about himself, but also tries not to care as he fulfills the bad reputation people have of him. He has a mask/façade(s) to help liven or distract, yet he also openly degrades himself. He keeps people at arms length so that they will not be disappointed by him, but also forms close bonds with people. He so badly wants someone to love him, but he doesn't want to help himself or be vulnerable to other people. He’s a walking contradiction.

Alastair does regret the things he did, but he doesn't think less of himself because of them. He did all those things to protect himself from hurt. Alastair also doesn’t care for his attitude. It’s not his problem if people don’t like it basically 😂 He clearly has people he cares about like Sona and Cordelia and prioritises them also. He is also actively trying to right his wrongs on not dwell on his past. He wants to move on with his life.

4. Matthew doesn't want to help himself, Alastair does want to help himself and become a better person.

Matthew openly degrades himself yet keeps his own secrets and thoughts of himself. He self-destructs as he feels he deserves it, even when people reach out and try to care for his well-being and that of others they also love (eg. Lucie’s confrontation). He doesn't see that he is hurting the people around him and also himself because of his attitude towards his own life really. He doesn’t have much of a quality for life. He is clearly depressed. He fails to let anyone in because he doesn’t want to help himself and also thinks too much about what people think of him when honestly the perception they have of him now is probably much lower now because 1. how he has chosen to deal with his mistake 2. how he has kept it to himself therefore making it look like the people who care about him would cast him out.

Alastair knows what he did wrong and is trying to improve himself for the betterment of himself. It was evident that at the time of Cordelia finding out about Charles, he wanted to break free, but once he got over being mad at Cordelia for snooping (rightfully so tbh) he understood that she loves him and would give him the support he needed; he had the inspiration from her to commit to moving forward and make amends for himself. Sure, he kept people at arms length in order to protect himself but inherently he does make himself vulnerable for other people. He still let in Charles, made himself vulnerable to love. Then with Thomas... he let Thomas see his guard down in Paris (and before that Thomas just saw right through him) and he ended up allowing Cordelia in, taking heed of her advice and love. He knew that Charles was hurting him and other people, so he stood up to him. He is much more open and vulnerable which is ironic really.

To me, the progression Alastair has already made makes me believe that the same will come for Matthew. However, the bottom line here is that Matthew self-destructs and doesn’t want to help himself whereas Alastair wants to be a better person and look after himself. Alastair has self-love which is what Matthew severely lacks.

5. Both had to grow up fast due to responsibilities of looking after their father...

Matthew arguably has "Mommy issues". This is not me making excuses for Matthew, or even criticizing Charlotte in any way, this is just my interpretation of Cast Long Shadows...

Matthew seems to have low self-esteem and love for himself due to abandonment issues it seems. He probably felt abandoned as a child by Charlotte. It's not that he was unsupportive of her or holds anything against her, but when you look at it objectively, his upbringing shaped his reaction to Alastair and to himself. She literally left him crying at 6 years old and told him to "look after your father" as she had to go off with Charles. Cast Long Shadows is a huge emphasis of how the feeling of abandonment from Charlotte, leading to how he instantly believed that Charlotte had an affair with Gideon and took drastic action. This I feel is because he never felt comfortable to openly discuss to her about himself really. He also didn't trust her...

I do not wish to insult Charlotte as her job is serious and I'm so proud of her, but unfortunately, due to it, it made an impact on who Matthew is now. He didn't trust, nor feel comfortable enough to sit down and talk to Charlotte because he never really got to know her properly or wanted to burden her. It probably also felt like she had favoritism over Charles, and Matthew didn't want to step on her toes. She also never noticed the little things he did like make her favourite scones and he just went feeling unloved or unappreciated (though he should have said something?). She would ask of him to be sensible, didn't really engage much in his humor which probably contributed to how he viewed himself as well as he already was so self-conscious and was vying for her attention. No offense to Henry but his immersion into his science probably left Matthew feeling abandoned as well as he was the one caring for him, then Christopher is the one who understands and engages. Matthew was his carer, effectively, making sure he ate, drank, slept and wheeled him about. He did love his father though, so he didn’t mind. Though Henry does praise him when he breaks the news about them expecting which just made Matthew feel more guilty of his accidental poisoning.

It’s like Matthew wants all of the attention, but he never voices what he wants aloud. This results with no one paying him much heed. In Cast Long Shadows there is also a comparison to James and Lucie’s relationship with Tessa and Will. James and Lucie have communication with their parents, along with known support and trust. Matthew does not seem to have this as he seems too afraid to voice it, not because he is scared of Charlotte and Henry, but because he is too considerate of them. I also find it Ironic that the next story in GotSM is Every Exquisite Thing where there is a huge emphasis of Anna and Cecily’s relationship with each other. Anna being too scared that Cecily would be critical and not understand her, but when Cecily comes to Anna at her worst, she completely understood Anna and supported her, making her feel better. To me this is another stark contrast to Matthew where his parents are too busy to build a good relationship with him, and when there is a heart to heart (Henry talking with Matthew) it is too late and doesn’t ease his mind. Anna also points out how no one would approach Matthew because “he did not do well under confinement”- it makes sense, he doesn’t like confrontation.

(I can go into further detail about Cast Long Shadows with Matthew’s upbringing being detrimental to his view of himself)

Alastair however has "Daddy issues". Alastair has a similar case of looking after his father, but he came to resent his father because he never got himself better or was so drunk to even remember or acknowledge Alastair and his help or I suppose confront his problem. Alastair knows what it can do and simply does not want to re-live it, and as Cordelia is now friends with Matthew, he doesn't want Cordelia being hurt by Matthew either or having to pick up after him as he did for Elias. That is also where they butt heads. It is too coincidental that Matthew is also drinking to forget, and is not wanting to make himself be better and deal with it. Alastair is trying to protect Cordelia, but he is also allowing her to make decisions for herself.

In ChoG Alastair says he was 10 when he learnt to fill the brandy bottles with water to mask the levels that had been drunk. He was probably picking up his father and "looking after him" well before that. Alastair tried to protect Cordelia from this because he was being more considerate for her sake. He wanted her to have a childhood he was robbed of. He is also being a foil here of Charles. Charles was so self-involved that he never decided to even think about his younger brother, Matthew. Alastair was compassionate; Charles was not. Alastair is a good older brother; Charles was not and was even accusatory that Matthew being parabatai with James and being in London is what caused Charlotte to be ill... he just has so much resentment...

I also believe that Alastair wanted the burden off of his mother, and I'm wondering if he knows more about Sona and her feelings towards Elias being sour and terrified (This is I feel what is indicated in the teaser of when Elias appears where Sona seems to go pale) despite rushing to him and hugging him etc.

“Sona went white and laid a hand against the wall to steady herself. "Elias?"”

Alastair was bitter and twisted and he never wanted people to know because he knew it was a weak spot for him. It is what sparked him telling Matthew the rumor in the first place.

“ "I wish I could say the same for you," said Matthew. "Has no kind soul thought to inform you that your hairstyle is, to use the gentlest words available to me, ill-advised? A friend? Your papa? Does nobody care enough to prevent you from making a spectacle of yourself? Or are you simply too busy perpetrating acts of evil upon the innocent to bother about your unfortunate appearance?" “

...

“Instead Alastair said: "Who are you to play the moralist, talking about tricks and papas, considering the circumstances of your birth?" “

He ultimately had inherited his father's shame which was wrong. It's what Cordelia has told him as well. Alastair shouldn't have to think of the mess of Elias; it is his shame to deal with, not Alastair’s.

Though arguably, as a result of Alastair giving Cordelia an innocent childhood, it opened the doors for Cordelia to want to reach out for him, due to her optimism and love, and as he loves his sister dearly, he takes what she has to say to heart. They will now face things together as a support network and hopefully they also have communication with their mother. Although their family may be "broken" they arguably have more communication and togetherness than Matthew does with his family.

(Sorry, that bit was long)

6. Result of their nature after childhood being robbed

Matthew seems to act more of a "child" anyways, being more “frivolous”. He is being reckless, he is a little petty as well. Whereas Alastair decided to grow up too fast and is more mature and relatively grounded. It did harden him to begin with, but he doesn’t want to completely isolate himself. He’s just simply more rational. This I feel is in their nature though, not nurture.

7. Matthew is slowly driving everyone away, this is kind of what Alastair tried to achieve

Alastair at the Academy decided that he would be the bully in order not to be the one being ridiculed, thinking that he would be better off and retain a hard skin, but all it did was make him regret and never allowed him to create good bonds with people. Then when he came back from the Academy, he distanced himself from Cordelia. I interpreted this as him dealing with his guilt and regret and tried to not get Cordelia too close to him because of it, but Cordelia cared about him too much. Though it could’ve just been that he got too used to having a hard skin, not letting anyone close. Throughout ChoG he builds his bond with Cordelia, and we also see James coming around to Alastair. Thomas as always was curious and saw his better side and Christopher was seemed ready to give him a second chance. Though due to Matthew’s spew at the end, there is distance between him and Thomas and others (save Jordelia).

Matthew is driving everyone away, simply because he is being so reckless. He had originally established good relationships with people. Then, when Lucie confronts him he literally avoids it, no matter how realistic she was being and how much he cared for her, but that was it; he cared too much for her to tell her. We see that even James will snap at him in COI

Teaser #41: "There is no point to it," said Matthew. "If you will never see reason or good sense—"

"Because you're a bastion of reason and good sense?" James snapped. He knew he had a temper, just like his father; his anger spilled past everything else, tasting of copper and fury. "Matthew, you are drunk. For all I know, you mean nothing you are saying."

"I mean all of it," Matthew protested. "In vino veritas—"

"Don't you quote Latin at me," said James. "Even if you were sober, you've never taken love seriously enough to lecture me. Your passions have been a series of dalliances and ill-conceived attachments. Look at me and tell me there is something you love more than that bottle in your hand."

Matthew also decides to move out and get his own place to force independence and probably drive even more of a wedge between himself and Charlotte. We also knows he has an argument with Charlotte; his apartment and car is undoubtedly a result of that, escaping the conflict and confrontation.

Anna had wanted to talk to him (Every Exquisite Thing), Magnus also wanted to help him. Lucie has always wanted to help for the sake of James and James has always known something was off. They just know that he wouldn’t say anything, and I think most were in the hopes that he would eventually say something. We know that Cordelia is most likely the one he tells thankfully! It is ironic that it is Cordelia for both Alastair and Matthew as well. So it already looks like Chain of Iron will provide the break and repair of relationships for Matthew, similar to Alastair’s progression of self-love.

8. Matthew is very open about his sexuality. Alastair does try and keep it hidden, however it’s more complicated. This is a reflection of their concern of judgement.

Although Matthew keeps things to himself, he admittedly is not afraid of what people think of him as his expectations of himself are so low. However, he is also ruled by the expectations of others, all through his life people had low expectations of him (again, another thing that influenced his actions in general) and he feels to fulfill that obscure one in spite?? The reputation the he has, has always been obscured because in everyone's eyes it will and always has been Charles who will inherit and uphold the good reputation as Consul as they don’t see Matthew as smart or responsible. However, the latter there he doesn’t help prove them wrong...

Alastair keeps his sexuality secret, that is until Cordelia finds out and he eventually warms up to her. Plus he was dependent of Charles as well, but committed himself that he wouldn’t be the side-dish. He wants to love himself for himself, not be hidden as a secret.

There is also a "reputation" element of the family that he still wants to uphold. He is learning though that he has to put himself first and should make amends for his reputation and not have to be burdened by others. Though I would argue that Cordelia is the one who is more concerned about it, but now she knows the truth she is wavering. It’s more complex.

To conclude:

I feel like their stories will either reflect the other, or will be intertwined somehow. As Alastair has dealt with a drunk and looks down upon alcoholism in general because of his experience makes me believe that Matthew might need Alastair's perspective to grow up. Once he understands Alastair I feel it may pave the way for forgiving and loving himself.

Alastair was the "spark" of making him spiral, but he was well on his way of questioning his family's loyalty and love of him before that (hence why we were given so much background) and it played into his weakness. Matthew I think wants to take it out on Alastair (he says he didn't blame Alastair or the Faerie. Alastair is just easy to take his frustration out on) as he is not prepared to come to terms with himself or even his family for that matter for his grievance. He loves his family very much and that’s why he feels so guilty, but it's wrong for him to believe so easily and hide his guilt away and that has to be due to his upbringing...

tldr; Alastair and Matthew have stark comparisons to each other that it’s probable that they are detrimental to each other’s character arcs.

@sparkofsummer

#tsc #matthew fairchild #alastair carstairs #coi #tlh #chog #cog2 #chain of iron #chain of gold #the last hours #shadowhunters #the shadowhunter chronicles

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blubberquark · 3 years

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E-Sports

Occasionally, you can read about a game adding or already having “e-sports features“ like tournaments or spectator mode, or about trying to “bootstrap an e-sports scene“ by hosting a tournament with a five- or low-six-figure dollar amount prize pool.

This is not how it works. You can’t turn any game into an e-sport by paying people to play it, or by adding features that enable players to run their own tournaments. E-sports are computer games as competitive spectator sports.

For this to work, you need:

Full-time competitive players

A large audience of passive viewers

A media industry/tournament circuit with sponsors, commentators, broadcasting channels, hosting and monetising professional matches

You cannot have #3 without the first two. You cannot have full-time professional players without #2 and #3. It all feeds into the other pieces.

Maybe, if you cannot afford to have a tournament circuit and full-time pro gamers, you can instead have something similar on a smaller scale:

A high-level hobbyist competitive scene

A small, but committed crowd of enthusiasts keeping the game alive

Enough interest for the enthusiasts to fund an annual tournament

The small-scale model seems to be how speed running and the fighting game community operate. The large-scale model is how StarCraft used to work, and how League of Legends, CS:GO and Overwatch work today.

Professional Competitive High-Level Play

E-sports depends on world-class players who can make a living playing your game at a world-class level. They are called “professional gamers”. They train for the game as their day job, probably with some cardio, gymnastics, and hand-eye coordination exercise mixed in. They have sponsors and trainers, which I will cover more in depth in point #3. For there to even be world-class players, the game has to reward high skill.

A competitive scene needs a a balanced, but competitive game. A competitive game with has skill measurement and a high skill ceiling.

E-sports pro gamers are playing the same game as regular players, but they are very good at it, so good that they dominate matches against average players, and even matches against good players. That’s what makes them world-class. If you could spectate just any game on the ladder, the e-sports scene would nor be special. If the outcomes of a match are heavily influenced by randomness, there can’t be a big difference between world-class players and people who just picked up the game. If the game provides high skill measurement at low levels, but runs into ceiling effects at high levels, for example if pro players frequently play a perfect game of computer golf, or a perfect game of computer bowling, there is no skill measurement at high levels, and high-level matches become boring.

An e-sports scene can only exist when the game is balanced for high-level play and has a long skill chain. I the game is discovered to have boring solutions, it must be patched.

How can you determine who is a “world-class“ player after the game launches? How can you be sure the pro-gamers are really world-class if they only play against other pro gamers? How do players ascend from competitive hobbyist to pro? An e-sports game needs a lively hobbyist competitive scene. Good matchmaking and a public ladder allow professional players to practice against random high-level players, hobbyist players to measure their skill against pro players, and everybody everywhere to know where the metagame is at. After all, what good is skill measurement if you never measure yourself?

An e-sports game needs a ranked ladder and good matchmaking.

The pro gamers will probably spend a significant amount of time each week training, sparring against team mates, practising specific moves, techniques, or strategies. This requires custom matches (ranked ladder matches are still good for raising team brand recognition on twitch though, in addition to getting a feel for the metagame). I heard that during the heyday of StarCraft II, some teams spent hours practising defence against cheese like 6-pool Zerg rush, a bunker rush, or a Zealot/Stalker all-in.

Of course, if you practice defence against bunker rushes for days only for bunkers to be nerfed on the day of a tournament, it’s all moot.

There must be a way for competitive players to practice in custom games against colleagues. Patches affecting balance or tournament play must be small and announced well in advance.

The Passive Watching Experience

The audience cares about the game, knows what’s going on and who is winning, and loosely follows the metagame and the goings-on in the e-sports scene, but not necessarily all the beef and player transfers.

The simplest, but not easiest, way to a large audience for an e-sport is to have a large player base. People who occasionally play the game at a hobbyist level are already familiar with the mechanics, and a little emotionally invested in the outcome of games. Even in some real-life spectator sports (like football), you expect almost all people in your audience to have played the game at some point in the past.

A large hobbyist player base also feeds into the smaller pool of more competitive players, and thus ultimately into the pro gamer scene.

All this is presupposing that the e-sport still resembles the game as most players know it. If the high-level matches look completely different from hobbyist ones, if different skills are important, and if it is difficult to know for a hobbyist player what is going on and who is winning, it is much more difficult to parley a hobbyist player base into an e-sports audience. In some Nintendo party games, like Mario Kart and Smash Bros, (but not Mario Party, which is only casual and does not have a competitive scene) most players are playing only very casually against friends, and in others, most players are only playing in single-player mode. They don’t care about winning or getting good at the game, so they are less likely to care about e-sports.

For a large player base, the game has to be easy to pick up, easy to understand, and still fun and competitive at the entry level. Being easy to pick up and understand also makes e-sports games easier to watch and understand passively.

Having multiple games modes can be a nice compromise, allowing casual players to play in a low-skill game mode while competitive players have a higher skill ceiling. This works best if the cards, units, weapons, or whatever your game has, and all mechanics and physics still follow the same rules, and only a few elements are swapped out. Playing with the same rules but different starting configuration and goal state is better than playing “easy mode” with a completely different balance. Casual observers can follow and appreciate e-sports matches if they know what’s going on. By changing the win condition, starting state, and introducing a couple of new mechanics, new game modes can mostly maintain the game mechanics while shifting the dynamics of a match. Keeping the dynamics but making the moment-to-moment gameplay less predictable for the casual observer is much more confusing.

For the viewers who are not playing the game at all, e-sports broadcasters must explain what’s going on, who is winning, and what the current metagame is.

In some games, the metagame is more important than in others. Card games like Hearthstone are difficult to understand for viewers who are not up-to-date on the metagame, even though the mechanics are easily explained, and the card-specific rules are written on the cards. Without knowledge about the current metagame (which decks are dominating the ladder, whether aggro, control, or combo decks rule, what kinds of tech cards/adjustments players can add to react to small shifts in the metagame) it is nearly impossible to make sense of what is happening. That is true even when the viewers see all the cards and know both decks in advance. Specifically, it is difficult to understand why a player is playing fast or slow, greedy or safe, defensive or aggressive, and also who is winning. The same goes for Magic - The Gathering. It’s nigh impossible to understand how a matchup between two decks works without knowing what other cards could be in there, but aren’t. This can ruin the experience for people who know the rules but play the game only very casually.

Other games may have clearer indicators of who is winning and what is going on, but even fighting games with health bars, RTS games with supply counters, and MOBA games with lanes whose battle lines you can see on the minimap won’t let you tell who is winning based on one factor alone. Such a game would be boring! In every competitive game, there should be a way to sacrifice hit points for better positioning (e.g. in Smash Bros or Virtua Fighter), or to fall back on a lane in exchange for gold, so there is never a “simple” metric to see who is winning. If there were such a metric, the first player who gains a small advantage by that metric would just snowball out of control and dominate the match.

In any case, passive spectators benefit from additional visual feedback, because while the players know which buttons were pressed, the audience does not. Passive watchers have much less information than active players. In the first-person view, it can be enough to just indicate whether something failed or succeeded, hit or missed. A fighting game player knows which button he pressed, and his opponent knows whether he blocked correctly or not. Nonetheless, the game should also communicate visually which type of action the players chose for the benefit of the audience.

Visual spectacle and clear legibility are sometimes at odds with each other, but visual spectacle can make watching a game more “fun“.

Having too clear an indication of who is winning can be a detriment, too. It’s good to have clear visual feedback, but not to have limited gameplay options. If the future trajectory of a match is set in stone as soon as one player establishes a clear lead, the game is no longer fun to watch from that point onwards. In games with perfect information, or with enough information, the losing player might simply resign instead of drawing out the match to its bitter conclusion, but in some games with fog of war, one player might be oblivious of his disadvantage, or he might go on and on looking for “outs“ while the audience already knows how everything will eventually play out.

This is just one way in which games can be boring to watch at higher levels of skill, even if the audience understands what is going on. There needs to be a certain flow of action, to keep viewers engaged and entertained. The game should get going without a long set-up phase, and should wind down without a drawn-out endgame. To keep viewers involved at all times, decisions throughout every phase of the match should influence the outcome.

Comebacks, reversals, pivoting to different strategies, risky plays with big pay-offs are all ways to introduce drama into the watching experience.

Fighting games are harder to read for the audience moment-to-moment, the matches are shorter, they can end abruptly, and they are difficult to get into. All this means they don’t make for as fun a watching experience compared to MOBAs, RTS games, or objective-based modes in first-person shooters.

Digression: Let’s Play and Variety Streaming

E-sports is not the only way to broadcast games for entertainment. Your YouTubers and variety streamers can make a living on games, but they don’t have to be world-class. People don’t watch them because they are good at the game, or sometimes not at all because of the game, but because of the streamer’s personality, the community, and the funny commentary. Playing the right game is a way for small twitch streamers to gain new viewers, but it’s not what keeps people around. Some streamers mainly stream the same single-player game every time, and are so good at it they have a streak of hundreds of games in hard mode. Even they retain their viewers because of their personality, not because they are the best at the game.

Of course, a variety streamer or Youtuber can also play competitive games like Chess, PUBG, or Rainbow Six: Siege. It’s played a different format though: Viewers see what the streamer sees, and a face-cam, and if the streamer is eliminated from a round of PUBG or Fall Guys, the streamer often does not spectate the rest of the round for the viewers find out who wins.

YouTubers of average gaming skill can even play tournaments of casual but competitive (in the sense that you play against each other) games against other YouTubers, or organise tournaments in more casual goofy games like Ultimate Chicken Horse, Duck Game, Mount Your Friends, Golf with Friends, or Rock of Ages and still draw in viewers. This is a common method of cross-promotion.

Variety streamers also play party games like Quiplash, Cards Against Humanity, or Mario Party as a backdrop for conversation with other streamers.

They sometimes play competitive games in a team with other streamers, but the necessity of coordinating within the squad in League of Legends, PUBG or CS:GO means more airtime will be dedicated to the actual game, and banter will suddenly have to make way for tactics.

Events and Broadcasting

E-sports events have legitimacy, teams, sponsors, brand recognition that draws an audience, and commentators.

E-sports broadcasters usually call the commentators their “talent“, not the players. The players or “athletes“ come and go, and they get sponsor money from elsewhere, but the commentators and moderators are hired by the broadcaster/event organiser. The commentators are usually both entertaining personalities and knowledgeable about the game. They fill dead air with background info about he players and their recent matches, explain what’s going on, crack jokes, or just do play-by-play commentary. Viewers are often more attached to commentators than to players. There are usually two commentators and a dedicated off-screen observer controlling the spectator camera, in addition to a referee spectating the game, and the players. Additional moderators and interviewers may be on the stage during an e-sports event. Sometimes experts (retired pro gamers) are brought in to analyse a replay in the pause between matches, like in real sports.

While variety streamers play both the role of “entertainer“ and player, this is split up between players and the commentators/moderators, so players can focus on winning and commentators can focus on filling dead air.

By “legitimacy” I mean this: Players in tournaments are supposed to the best of the best, and the organiser’s brand guarantees that viewers won’t see any old boring game, but a pro game with high stakes. If there is a random member of the public in the pool, you know he played his way through some preliminary rounds. I could host a LAN party, throw a Kernel Panic tournament, and declare the winner the 2021 world champion, but I would not have any legitimacy in the eyes of the player base. Large prize pools, a structured and well-regulated tournament, big-name players, and a blessing from the developers can bestow legitimacy.

Getting players, sponsors, broadcasters and an audience into a room takes a lot of money. E-sports sponsors are usually manufacturers or brands of higher-priced gaming hardware, like Alienware, Razer and ASUS ROG, or snack foods and energy drinks. The products are either used by the pro gamers, thematically connected to the game in some way, or used by the audience. Snack foods go well with watching e-sports, but less well with playing. You wouldn’t want to eat a packet of crisps and move your hands back and forth between the crisps and the keyboard and mouse...

With so much money invested and riding on the success of e-sports events, there is a lot of incentive to diversify and look for the next big thing, but also

Takeaway

When you read news about a developer or publisher “establishing a game as an e-sport“, it often means throwing money at a tournament and getting sponsors on board.

When you read about a developer “adding e-sports features“, it often means a ladder, tournaments, or spectator mode.

Of all the prerequisites established above, the most important to establish a game as an e-sport are:

balance

skill measurement/high skill ceiling

easy to learn

interesting to watch

fun to watch

A game like Fall Guys is popular and “fun to watch“, but not particularly interesting, the drama only works if you follow a single player all the way to the last round, not if you watch the action from high up. Fall Guys has a lot of randomness and a low skill ceiling.

Amazon once even hosted a casual game tournament in which variety streamers played mobile games against each other. The goal of that event was to sell their Fire (Android) tablets. This did not kick-start a competitive mobile gaming scene.

There were rumours of EA trying to “establish“ Star Wars: Battlefront II as an e-sport, by funding a large tournament, but the game was neither interesting nor fun to watch.

It is a fool’s errand to “add e-sports“ to a game, instead of trying to make a good game first, or at least one that is fun to watch.

#game development #game design #e-sports

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blackhakumen · 3 years

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Mini Fanfic #810: Watching the Moon Together (SSBU X Animal Crossing)

1:43 a.m. at The Horizon Island, On The Rooftop of Star Wolf's Cabin......

Isabelle: (Resting her Head onto Wolf's Shoulder While Watching the Moon Together) ('Sigh Relaxingly') Isn't the moon look lovely here tonight, Wolfie?~

Wolf: (Shrugs) Eh. It's alright. I've seen a lot better in other places

Isabelle: (Turns to Wolf) Oh really? Which one is your favorite?

Wolf: Huh. (Place his Hand on his Chin While Thinking) There's a lot to choose from now that you mentioned it. But if I have to pick one, I'd say......Sauria?

Isabelle: Sauria?

Wolf: It's a planet where Krystal used to live at. You know, the blue fox girl who used to be a member in mine's and Fox's team.

Isabelle: Ah yeah. I remember Fox mentioning her name once. I wonder what happened to her....

Wolf: No one knows really. Probably out in space or whatever. But anyways, Sauria is a planet filled with dinosaurs and junk. It also has one of the best sunset and moonlight viewings I've ever seen. See? (Takes his Phone Out and Show Isabelle Pictures of Sauria's View of the Sunset and Moonlight)

Isabelle: (Eyes Widened in Awe at the Pictures) Wow..... They look so pretty~ Can't decide which one I love more!~

Wolf: (Chuckles Lightly) Yeah. They're both beauties already. I remember this one time where I kept looking at the moon so long that it actually put me to sleep.

Isabelle: (Giggles Softly) Oho no~ (Starts Smirking Teasingly at Wolf) I bet you were snoring back then~

Wolf: ('Tch') Yeah right. I never snore in my life.

Isabelle: Oh really?~ Then how come I heard you snoring while you were sleeping on my lap last night?~

Wolf: (Eyes Widened While Thinking About the Memory in Question) Uhh....You.... must've....(Shrugs While Smiling Awkwardly) heard it wrong?

Isabelle: (Immediately Pouts Playfully at Wolf) Wolfie!~

Wolf: ('Sighs in Defeat') Okay okay. Fine. You caught me. I do snore....But ONLY on occasion! (Starts Blushing a Little) And only..... when I'm with you.

Isabelle: (Happily Squeals Before Hugging Wolf's Arm Lovingly)

'A Bit of Silence'

Isabelle: Hey, Wolfie?

Wolf: Yeah, babe?

Isabelle: This might be weird to ask, but.... Could you howl at the moon for me please? I really wanna hear how beautiful it sounds at night~

Wolf: (Gives Isabelle a Playful Smirk) You sure you want that, Izzy?~ Leon's gotta get real pissy in the morning if he hears this.

Isabelle: (Giggles Softly) I'm positive. I'm willing to risk it all for one night~

Wolf: (Chuckles Lightly) My kind of girl~ One howling performance coming up.

Wolf gets up from where he was sitting, does a few stretches, and clears his throat. And with one, deep inhale, he let out the biggest howl towards the full moon.

'OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

Isabelle: (Gasps Loudly Before Happily Clapping her Hands) That was wonderful, Wolfie!~ Bravo!~

Wolf: Oh (Turns Back to Isabelle While Chuckling Lightly and Blushing) Thanks. I was not expecting that one to be that good.

Isabelle: Are you kidding? This has to be your best one yet. Ooh! I wanna give it a try too!

Wolf: Seriously?

Isabelle: (Happily Nodded) Mmhmm. It might not be as good as yours, but I still give it a go!

Wolf: ('Sigh') Alright. Give it your best shot, Izzy.

Isabelle: (Nodded Once More) Right! ('Inhales Deeply')

'OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

Isabelle: ('Phew') Okay....How was that?

Wolf: (Genuinely Amazed) Holy shit, Izzy. That was amazing! You should definitely do it more often.

Isabelle: (Starts Blushing While Giggling Once More) Aw~ Thank you, Wolfie~ I've always wanted to try howling in the night for a while now. But I was afraid of annoying people if I did.

Wolf: Ah please. Who cares what those normies think. Your howling was beautiful and I'm proud of you for it. I love you, Izzy.

Isabelle: (Smiles Softly) I love you too. Wolfie~ Ooh! Can we start howling together then?~

Wolf: (Starts Smirking Once More) Hell yeah.

And with that, the couple begins to howling the night away, with little to no care in the world.

Meanwhile Inside the Cabin......

Panther: (Groans Loudly While Using a Pillow to Cover his Ears From the Howling Outside) Do they HAVE to start howling now!? I am TRYING to get my beauty sleep!~

Anhka: (Rest her Head onto Panther's Shoulder in a Tired and Irritated Fashion) ('Ugh') Same......

Panther: (Turns to Leon, Who is Completely Unfazed by This) And how come YOU'RE not effected by this!?

Leon: I brought ear plugs from the gift shop yesterday. Works effectively well for most part. And they're only one dollar each if you're interested in buying them.

Panther: Good to know....(Turns to Anhka) Do you want me to buy you one of your own, dear?

Anhka: Only if they come with two of my favorite colors.

Panther: Brown and Gold?

Anhka: (Snuggles her Head onto Panther's Shoulder) You know me too well~

Panther: (Smirks Confidently) That I do, hermosa~

Leon: (Gives Panther a Deadpinned Look on his Face) She told you about all of that yesterday.

@keyenuta

@caleb13frede

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

@italian-love-cake

@26shann

#super smash ultimate #animal crosing new horizons #wolf o'donnell #ac isabelle #leon powalski #panther caroso #anhka #krystal (mentioned)#cute romance #moon watching #wolf x isabelle #panther x anhka #new horizons vacation #lots and lots of fluff here

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off-in-the-moors · 3 years

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Joseph Kavinsky analysis, part 2

aka no voice and no dream pack

Warnings: spoilers for the whole Raven Cycle, mentions of: drug-use, abuse, death, s*cid, xenophobia

Part 1 // Part 2

Before starting, I wanted to thank for likes and support, not only on part 1 but also on my other posts. I was writing this more for the catharsis, after months of seeing and not really speaking about a lot of stuff. It’s nice to know, somebody read it. Some say, Kavinsky is their comfort character and, well, he will stay with me for a very long time. But enough of that. Let's talk about the point of view, xenophobia and the Dream Pack.

PoV

The running motif in TRC is, all antagonists get PoVs. No matter if they appear in one book (like Whelk) or reoccur (like the Greenmatles). The reader gets multiple chapters with their backstories, internal thoughts and goals. This move by the author is a double-edged sword, on one hand we get a better understanding of them but on the other, by knowing them better they become less effective antagonists and the air of mystery and surprise of what they're up-to/what they know is lost. E.g. In TDT we are first told about Colin Greenmatle and what is he capable of, making him a good threat for our main characters. But when we finally meet him in BLLB, with his attitude and scenes like dissing Ronan's Latin grammar or making cheese crackers while his wife is held at gun-point, he becomes more of a comedic antagonist than a villain to fear.

But here's the thing: I already lied to you. In TRC, all antagonists get PoVs, except for Kavinsky. It's a odd exception from the rule, considering Gray Man in TDT and The Wasp Demon in The Raven King, also got PoVs. But why? There are two things to look at. One I already mentioned. By giving a character PoV, the reader gets better understanding of them. By not giving Kavinsky one, Margaret didn't give anything to make K or his actions clear or understandable. By not knowing his motivations, K is left to pure interpretations, but how the reader will do it mostly will be influenced by his demonetization. Of course, not everybody will just accept what the book tells them without thinking for themselves but most fans don't.

"Bang", he said softly, withdrawing the fake gun. "See you on the street."

Alone, this single line can be interpreted in many different ways. Is it K being angry and threatening Ronan? Or maybe Joseph breaking inside because he was proofen, he really has no one? It all depends on the reader.

Second, when asked on her tumblr, if she'll ever write anything from K's pov (in 2015, before The Raven King was published), M*ggie said she won't, because: she already explored that type of character ("the thoughts and motivations of a powerful, suicidal, creative person with few inhibitions") in Sinner (2014, spin-off/companion book of her older series, The Wolves of Mercy Falls, 2009-2011 for the main three) with Cole St. Clair; that writing through PoV of such character is emotionally and mentally draining for her (which is understandable); and even if she wanted to explore it again in the future, she would through a different character's lenses than K's.

Let's talk about St. Clair.

The characters of Cole and Kavinsky have some similarities: both are drug addicts, who are rich.

That's where they end.

Cole was a famous musician, having the stereotypical rock-star life (drugs, alcohol and sleeping with fans included) with good family relationships, while K was a son of a mobster who tried to kill him and a mother who was a drug-addict herself. While their perspectives would have similarities, there is also other problems. Cole St. Clair already got PoVs in his series and a stand-alone book, Joseph Kavinsky got nothing and will get nothing. Cole had friends that cared for him and helped him, Joseph Kavinsky had his Dream Pack (which whom we don't know what type of relation he had) and his customers who we can safely say, only cared for what he can provide them with, he tried to befriend or start a relation with Ronan who rejected even the idea of it and no one even reached out to him. Cole got his happy ending and (hinted at) a girl he loved, K got rejected by everyone and committed public suicide. (Now, I heard a opinion that K didn't commit suicide, because the dragon killed him. Here is the thing, K could move out of the way multiple times, even Ronan shouted to him to move. But he didn't. He watched the dragon fly towards him and just said "The world is a nightmare.". He choose death.)

People wanted K's PoV, because they wanted to know, what pushed him to do what he did in TDT. But, in my opinion, even if M*ggie gave K pov, she would use it to further demonize him than to make the reader understand him more. She already did write a whole post exaggerating and straw-manning the canon, just to also say "Kavinsky has a very logical backstory that leads him to this place". A backstory we as the reader never truly see and one she forgot to write into her book. At the end, she truly cared only about Ronan.

Xenophobia

The Raven Cycle is a very flawed and problematic series, there are already many other posts taking about racism, misogyny, lack of diversity and many other issues with it, but in regards to Kavinsky, I'll only touch on the xenophobia. (I could talk also about portray of metal-illness, but I'm not the person to talk about it and I would feel comfortable with it.)

Kavinsky is a stereotype of a Slavic person, one we see in American media since the Cold War, especially in 80s movies. The Evil Russian trope. The son of the mobster, drug-addict, forger who can get you anything even illegal stuff, a thief.

When describing Kavinsky, one of the things Ronan mentions is: "refugee's face, hollowed-eyed and innocent". One could argue, "refugee" has many meanings, but boiling it down, is a person who came to the country to escape and seek a refuge. Many people moved to America to find a better life, in the believe of the American Dream, and many of them where driven to do that, especially from ex-Eastern Bloc countries. Kavinsky's Bulgarian, unknown if an immigrant himself or a son of immigrants, but the point still stands.

About Blue’s comment "import from somewhere else" I don't need to say much. First, obvious: You don't import people, only foreign goods, like cars. Second: this shows, he is "the other" in the eyes of the characters.

There is more to it, then just the physical description. We need to look at the outfit he wears. White tank top, white sunglasses, a small earring in one ear and a gold chain around his neck. This gives two images: one of a typical douche-bag, party asshole and the rich kid; the second of a Slavic stereotype, especially of a Russian criminal. If Margaret wanted to make K even bigger stereotype, she would dress him like a dress/gopnik, in a tracksuit.

The thing is: M*ggie could had saved the situation if she had subverted the stereotypes. E.g. K didn't wanting anything to do with the crime live, his family was forced into by circumstances or K being the guy to get stuff from, but he isn't doing it for any gain.

The truth is, K being Bulgarian doesn't add anything to his character, except for xenophobia. (Personally, I tried to find where the surname "Kavinsky" came from. It is Slavic, that much I can tell you for sure, but the rest is my speculation and searching. My best guesses are: Russian (it appears most commonly in Russian, after USA and a use in Russia set novel) or Polish (because it has uncanny simulates to the surname "Kawiński", if it was anglicized like e.g. "Kamiński" into "Kaminsky"). This isn't a common surname and with Peter from the To All the Boys trilogy and the musician, it's hard to find any information.)

But for now, K's portray is one of the many issues.

The Dream Pack or the lack of it

The Dream Pack is the unofficial name for K's group, with whom he parties and races (the canon name is "Kavinsky's Pack of Dogs" which is ugh). They're unfortunately, a non-characters. It's bolt to even call them background characters. Their portray, or again, lack of it, leaves them as props, their only role is to be K's followers and to show K as a leader on a equal ground as Gansey. We're lead to believe, they are like Kavinsky, yet another raven boys, and to make are main characters so “not like the other raven boys”. Problem rises in connection to the previous point, out of four members, only one has an English surname.

Prokopenko is a Ukrainian surname and for his description, we get "ears like wingnuts", "crooked shoulders" and his voice as "milky with drugs". It's said he had "recently attained official crony status", and was noted being in close desecrate to K for a while. Later we discover Proko is a forgery, a dream creature like Matthew and Aurora. It's heavily implied the real Prokopenko is dead, but if K had something to do with it, is unknown. He is the only character to "chortle", which Margaret said she hates and also "fratty boys and the chortling men they turn into". From this we can deduce, that not only the Dream Pack and people at K's parties but all raven boys (with the exception of the main characters) were writen like this on purpose as the personification of everything M*ggie hates. We are also informed, he drives a Golf.

Skov, who according to a deleted scene, full name is Blake Skovron, is polish (or at least anglicized version of it). In said deleted scene he's described as "major asshole, minor bigot" (unfortunately I couldn't find it to confirm it). The only canon stuff about him is: he drives a RX-7 (Mazda RX-7).

Jiang is Chinese, making him one of three canon Asian characters we see in the series (not counting Henry's father, because he's just mentioned, same goes for the Vancouver crowd). Like Proko, his role is a little bigger. In the Raven King, after Ronan finally returns to school after a long time of skipping, he tells him: "Hey, man, I thought you'd died". Ronan doesn't respond, but tells the reader he doesn't want to see Jiang outside of his car, racing. The only other thing we know about him: he drives a Supra (Toyota Supra).

Swan is the only one with an English name, but all we know about him is: he drives Volkswagen Golf, one that matches Proko's.

(For future writers: what car a character drives, isn't a personality trait.)

With the already minimal diversity, this shows the non-Americans as the antagonists or at least "the worst". On the opposite side, we have our main characters. Richard Campbell Gansey III, who has the whitest and British name I ever saw; Adam Parrish, born and raised in Henrietta, Virginia; Ronan Lynch, son of a Irish immigrant, whose Irish identity starts and ends on tit-bits; Blue Sargent, who is half-tree and ambiguous, but was drawn as white by the author multiple times (Yes, I am aware of the Instagram post, but Margaret herself said, she isn't confirming anything that isn't already written in her books. She couldn't even confirm Adam's hair color and made a joke out of it.) The only exception is Noah Czerny, whose surname is Slavic (probably Czech), but this bares no effect on his character.

The Dream Pack are the whole communities babies, created by head-canons and fanons, their relations with Kavinsky and themselves are explored, who they are as people, their appearance, their interests... This is beautiful how many different versions and interpretations of non-existing characters is there. (I, myself also made a version for a rewrite, based partly on the fanon.)

But at the end of the day, the fans did the author's job of creating believe friend group and in the end, their only function was to show, Kavinsky is a king, just like Gansey.

#joseph kavinsky #the dream pack #anti maggie stiefvater #anti raven cycle #anti trc

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chayacat · 3 years

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Devil’s Sweet Star (23)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut

***

Wealth. There is a lot of meaning for this word. Of course, the first thing that comes to people's minds when we talk about wealth is the financial side of the term. And that's normal! As we say, it's money that makes the world go. Because without money, we don't have anything. No house. No food, no clothes, no care, no access to knowledge... Absolutely nothing. Some manage to acquire a great wealth honestly, by working with the sweat of their hands, by continuing the family tradition or by starting his own business. Others acquire this wealth dishonestly, stealing, lying and cheating the work of others to take credit for it. And in some cases... money can solve many problems. This is how some people avoid prison, paying justice to corrupt them. Not just justice for that matter...

There is also the wealth of knowledge, which is essential to our survival and evolution. Knowledge has allowed humanity to evolve and gradually reach places and stages that until now was impossible. The thirst for knowledge and the wealth it provides can get you out of very dangerous situations. Because knowledge helps to identify what is deadly or not, how to save lives, think about a strategy that can save as many people as possible, build solid buildings, pass on this knowledge to future generations so that they can perfect it even more.

And finally... there is the wealth of the heart. The most beautiful wealth in the world. The richness of the heart is that which one acquires by being good, generous and always ready to help others. Sometimes all it takes is a kind word, a friendly smile or an outstretched hand to feed that wealth. Many people forget this wealth there in favour of money. Money doesn't really make you happy. It is to be with those we love that makes us happy.

But back to the financial aspect of wealth. As I said, money solves a lot of problems when you are rich. But sometimes she can't save you from the media pressure. And currently for a certain Hoggins... Money cannot save him from the scandal that has just erupted about him. The newspapers of the region were getting their hands in gold since the "stock market scam" as they called it in their article, had been updated. And in Roseville, the newspapers were sold like buns, rumours and debates about it filled your coffee.

“Do you realize that? This rotten Hoggins makes money by stealing and destroying its competitors illegally! this guy has no Honor or fucking dignity!” said a man, throwing his newspaper on the table.

“The worst part is that he denies it! while the evidence is there! he can't lie and say that this e-mail he exchanged with his accomplice is fake! And there he is, free to move as he wishes, saying that he has never done anything and that all this is just bad luck! He struts around like a king!” said the woman in front of him.

“He will eventually fall... one way or another. And if this goes on, he's even going to get shot. In a way it wouldn't be any worse. For once if Ghostface could slaughter him and McKellan... It'd make us less shit in this country.”

“Yes, you’re right, for once, I Hoped that Ghostface kill them... Let them pay for what they have done.”

You listen to people argue and see how hateful they are towards the rich of this world. To want Hoggins dead to the point of praying that Ghostface would kill him.... That means everything. It’s true that he deserves to be punished but... not to the point of wishing him death. If Ghostface were there, and if he’s there among the customers, he must rejoice, lick his lips, enjoy himself from these words. Melina entered the café at the same time, with a big smile on her face. She heard the conversations but didn't pay attention to them.

“Hey there Beauty! How are you? Not too busy?” she said with a big smile.

“It's fine, it's fine. I don't have a lot of people right now. But hey it's only the beginning of the day ... The biggest one is coming. How about you?” You respond posing on the counter.

“The whole newspaper is in a state of boiling between the Ghostface murders, the Hoggins scandal... It's a real furnace, we're running everywhere! Sometimes I dream of being on a beach.... in a sun lounger... a cocktail in hand. But I have to stay realistic for now and focus on the work.”

“Haha my poor Melina... Courage, once he is arrested, tried and thrown in jail, you can breathe a little more... even if there are still the Ghostface murders. But for that there is Jed to write them …"

“Speaking of Jed! Did you transform him with a magic wand? He arrived, his hair loose, in a short-sleeved t-shirt and with a much more confident look than usual! well he still has his glasses in his nose and sometimes he is shy but damn! I feel like I've seen a stranger at work!” She replied, surprised and smiling.

“Well, I just made him buy new clothes so he would change his wardrobe a bit... But I didn't think it would have that much effect...” you respond embarrassed.

“I don't think it was any new clothes that did that. It must be good for him to have found the soulmate he had been waiting for so long. You see I told you: You were meant to meet you both. You were related! It could only have happened that way.

“Yeah, you’re right...Same as usual?”

“Same as usual.” Melina said with a wink.

As you turn to prepare Melina's order, you hear the door open and the bell ringing. When you turn around, you see Jed, and as Melina said, he was really more serene than usual. He made you his usual angelic smile heading towards you and Melina, the latter giving him a little punch in the arm. Jed laughs, rubbing his arm before turning to you.

“Well... when we talk about the wolf... We see his tail. We were just talking about you. And you confirm Melina's claims by your presence.” you said.

“I haven't taken off the glasses yet. And then I thought if I didn't put on my new clothes, you'd sulk.” He responds smiling, before kissing you.

“You're really cute both... My heart is melting. Is it still running in the office?” Asks Melina.

“Yeah, Everyone's in a rush with the murders and everything else. Even the boss runs everywhere. We didn't think this scandal would get so big. And the worst part is that this is just the beginning. Imagine if we find out anything else during this case.” respond Jed.

“In any case, public opinion doesn’t need more to judge him, they want him dead. Some even say that for once, they would be happy if Ghostface killed Hoggins...” you said, looking at Jed, who froze immediately upon hearing that.

“Wow... At this point? Oh, really? let's not forget that Ghostface is a murderer not a hero. He's not much better than Hoggins. He's even worse than him, he kills while Hoggins steals from other rich people.” Said Melina.

Jed didn't say anything. You notice a strange smile on his face, a smile you've never seen before. He was looking into the void. You finish preparing Melina's order before you give it to her. The latter greeted you before leaving the café. This strange smile had not left him. What could he think of? He ends up sighing as he shakes his head before turning to you, and making you that beautiful angelic smile of his own.

“What are you thinking?” you ask.

“That either the world has fallen very low... Either he goes crazy to asks a murderer to kill someone. Even if he is a rich asshole who deserves it, I think that justice is still in the care of doing its job... At least I hope so.” Jed responds.

“You hope so?”

“You know how the rich are. With good arguments and a good lot of money... a case can be quickly closed. But I believe in justice. I mean, with all the evidence that's been updated... if Hoggins gets away with it...”

Suddenly he got a call. It was his boss, Mr. Hembrook. And in view of Jed's face... it looked very serious. You didn't dare disturb him and once the conversation was over, he turned with a serious look.

“They found McKellan's body. It was one of the guards who discovered him in his office. Apparently, it had been several days since he had given any sign of life.” He said.

“No one has worried about it before??” You ask.

“It seems not, McKellan only calls his guards when he goes out or when it's an important meeting. But otherwise, he lives alone and no one comes. Looks like Ghostface hit a big shot. I have to go right now with Mattew. Have a good day, my love. I love you.” He replied before kissing you and leaving quickly the café.

“I love you...” You simply said.

A lot of things jostled in your head. And to know that Ghostface had accomplished this mischief and that he had told you it was anguishing. Why did he tell you? Maybe because he knows full well that if you said anything, you'd be on board with him as an accomplice? Yes... he knows exactly what he's doing. By telling you who he has or is going to kill, he's preventing you from doing anything. Because if you tell the police, they'll want answers or worse! They'll guess you're seeing him and they'll get on board, before they throw you in jail. You're his best asset. Against your will.

Plus, as he told you... you'll owe him a "reward" for getting rid of McKellan. And that's what you wanted to push back as much as possible. Unfortunately, Ghostface has to decide otherwise. One thing's for sure, you can expect to see him at home tonight. It's full of worry that you spend the rest of your day at work. In the meantime, you start preparing a job offer to recruit an additional seller. Jed is right, you can't manage coffee on your own if its reputation keeps growing. After a while you will be overwhelmed by the influx of customers. An employee to support you would not be a refusal.

As you predicted, the afternoon was busy. And the sun was the cause. There's nothing like a good coffee or a cool drink to enjoy the warmth of the sun. The end of the day came, and something that made you smile, the customers don't get tired to come to your shop! and that's positive. The more you innovate in your recipes and the like, the more customers will come back. If only your parents could be there to see this... In a way they see it all from heaven. And they must be happy to see you safe from need.

You close the coffee after your monitoring ritual, do some shopping to fill the cupboards and fridge, and then you go home. You see Jed's van, but you decide to leave him alone for tonight, the poor man having to be overworked and probably exhausted. You turn on the living room light and startle when you see Ghostface in your living room, standing in front of you, making your usual little hand gesture while giggling.

“Goddamnit ! You could stop coming to my house like a... Fucking ghost?” you said by going to put your shopping bags down and starting to store food.

“Nice attempt but unfortunately you still have some progress to make jokes. It seems... People want me to kill Hoggins? I confess that when I heard this, I was...how to say.... surprised. But flattered.” said Ghostface, playing with his knife.

“And? Don't tell me you've decided to play heroes in search of repentance. You'd be the king of liars.”

“Hahaha me? A hero? No no my beautiful angel... the only hero I want to be... It's yours in bed. To hear you say my name while I make you discover a forbidden pleasure, to hear you ask again until the end of the night ... That's what I want. And I'm sure you'd like to see how God I am. Even Jed compared to me will be weak in front of my power and control.”

“Oh really? How can you say that? Have you ever seen him in action, while you masturbating from the building at the opposite? You can always dream.” you replied by finishing tidying up.

“But I'm already dreaming about it! and believe me, I don't lose a crumb. I enjoy every second of my dreams where you beg me to take you to heaven.” replied Ghostface approaching you from behind, sticking you to the wall, his hand descending to touch with a firm hand your ass.

You make a little moan at this gesture, which made him sneer. He passed his other hand in front to unbutton your pants and drop it to the ground. you hear the sound of a zipper before you feel his crotch sticking against your underwear. He began to make small movements back and forth, before accelerating as he went along. He put a hand over your mouth, so no one can hear you. You couldn't stop yourself from moaning and you try several times to get out, to no avail.

As you felt the climax coming, he recoiled and put away his crotch while sneering. You gradually find your breath, and you had only one desire, to hit him. You get dressed quickly to face him, and even if you don't see his face, you could feel his animal gaze on you, a look that scans you.

“I'm going to make you languish a little more... just for fun. You only had a little glimpse... maybe if you're wise... You'll get the rest. Good night my sweet little star... Have a beautiful dream.” He said, before vanishing.

You feel ashamed, defiled and angry. For him it's just a game. And he knows he's in his hand for now! What a bastard... You sigh before you go shower and change. Then you eat, watch a little TV before going to bed. The tension has not left you and it is with a ball in your stomach that you fall asleep.

He'll pay for it. Sooner or later, he'll pay for it.

And you'll enjoy making him regret it.

***

(Phew! I finished it! I hoped you’ll like it just like the others! and i see that you’re almost 50 to follow me! Thank you so much to support a little French potato like me! have a good week-end you all! See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

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