"other people can like your special interests you dont own them" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

Remember how I said I would write about Nicky having ADHD and then I DIDNT well here it is

Quick disclaimer that this is based entirely of how I experience my ADHD. I dont speak for everyone and my experiences are not universal but this is how I experience my symptoms

He was so fucking hyper as a kid holy fuck like,,,,, chill, chill where do you keep finding this Energy™️ stop hoarding it ):

Got into exy to ✨release✨ some of that hyperactivity bc you just know his parents dont believe he has ADHD

Coffee to self medicate baby oh u gotta focus? Bam 20 espressos in my body

Speaking of using coffee to self medicate the foxes are always a little nervous when he does that, because Nicky is pretty hyper most of the time and coffee equals hyper, but it actually makes him really calm!

Still tho Matt finding Nicky in his dorm surrounded by a lot of coffee and just,,, fear

Nicky hyperfocuses on the weirdest things, its a little annoying (for him) bc these hyperfocuses jump from one thing to another. One week he is obsessed with pirates the next he is trying to learn how to play the lyre

Concentration who? Or concentration wishes it was me. No inbetween

Dolphinbraining like no other Kevin is talking about exy technique and Nicky goes “oh speaking of Exy!” And tells a story about??? A trip he took to some city once? How does this make sense? Hell if I know sometimes u connect A to Z at the speed of sound

ALWAYS REPEATS STORIES (this is my worst symptom in my opinion) oh you heard this story five times already? Well guess what im gonna tell it again. Nicky once told the story of how he met Erik ten times on the same day to Allison. It was their anniversary and he was so excited he couldn’t stop talking about it

Infodumps a lot, he has to sometimes bc if he doesn’t its just,,,, stuck in his brain and it is yelling to come out and he has to tell Andrew about how this obscure sport works that he found out

Hyperficates on series and books and stuff, gets super invested and then one day he wakes up and goes “huh, I dont like this anymore”

Extreme in his emotions, when he is happy he is super excited and jittery and loud and laughing but when he is sad its devouring and it hurts and it wont go away and it leaves him feeling numb

Very forgetful, has forgotten to pick the twins up at least 10 times. (Its okay they understand and its not like they can’t get home on their own. Sometimes they bully him a little about how he left them at walmart but you know)

Executive dysfunction is a bitch and Nicky hates those days when it kicks in and it is hard to get him to do anything. Sometimes its hard to just get up and do anything on the bad days. He wants to fuck he wants to do it so fucking bad but the very thought of getting up is hard.

Has a lot of weirdly specific knowledge because he spends a lot of time watching those youtubers that don’t show images but read scripts? This is hard to explain but thing those reddit channels that just read posts to you? They’re great he likes to put those on when he is cleaning, because extra stimulation makes it easier to do things

Is always, always moving his hands! He pulls on his lips, twirls his hair, taps on surfaces, cracks his knuckles he is always moving always in motion he has to stim in some way at all times because the ✨jitters✨

Funniest motherfucker you will ever meet. Yes being sexy is a symptom of ADHD 😘 /joke

He runs his mouth a lot. He doesn’t think before he speaks he just flaps out whatever comes to mind yes this has gotten him into trouble a bunch of times but he also cant entirely stop it

He doesn’t have an ADHD diagnosis, not for the longest time because his parents didn’t believe him, it isn’t until he goes to the foxes and he talks with Betsy a bit about it that they get him a professional diagnosis

Nicky: I have sexy bitch disease

Allison: get better soon

He learns to manage, he aint a fan of meds so he learns to manage his symptoms and sometimes its hard especially on bad days but it is what it is

Actually this is quite a lot of the “negative” aspects of ADHD so you know what here are some plus sides to having ADHD

Nicky is very creative! He has a lot of fantasy and as a kid he would “read” stories he came up with to his stuffed animals. He would tell the most vivid stories to his friends in kindergarten.

He is pretty spontaneous person, though changing his plans suddenly a minute before he was supposed to do it causes him distress

Impulsive,,,, but evil. He makes a good backliner but sometimes he is like “I should punch tbis striker who was mean to Aaron” and before he can go “wait no” his fist has made contact with the guys face already

Is very emphatic, is a good listening ear and helps his friends when they need someone to vent to

Surprisingly good problem solver?

Says he is gonna do something and then he doesn’t,,,, spends the whole day being like “oh I gotta write this essay tonight!” But he got distracted by his phone

Deadlines are fake ❤️ he will do everything the day before its due fuck that shit. You gonna make me do this three weeks before its do? I hear three weeks of no homework sir!

Just,,, I really like the idea of Nicky with ADHD man,,,, I just sometimes recognise parts of my ADHD in him and that makes me happy. I know it isnt canon but whatever I can project✨ again these are largely based of of my experience with my symptoms! This isnt universal for everyone with ADHD!!!

hi!! can i request a hc of the batfam reaction of their eastasian!reader gf  experiencing racism? thank you <33

just a reminder if you took place in any involvement of asian hate block me rn bitch :)

a/n: i hope you enjoyed this anon, i tried to make it accurate without stepping over any boundaries since im not asian myself. if anyone finds any sort of this offensive pls dm me !!

warning ; racism, batfam beating hoes, mention of blood

parings : bruce wayne x asian!reader, jason tood x asian!reader, dick grayson x asian!reader, stephanie brown x asian!reader, tim drake x asian!reader, damian wayne x asian!reader

BRUCE WAYNE:

it’ll honestly take a minute for bruce to realize what happened

when first entering the store he took notice of the man glaring but brushed it off thinking it was directed towards him as bruce wayne

you however didnt really pay attention to the dirty looks being thrown at you

with bruce excusing himself to the restroom and makes a promise of a quick return, you wander around the area by yourself

it was all fine until a man approaches you, giving a fast glance at him before turning away. there was definitely something up with him

“you don’t belong here”

your head shot up at his words, looking around you to make sure he was talking to you

“excuse me?” you lift an eyebrow at him, knowing what he was hinting at

“you fucking heard me, you don’t belong here. go back to your country.”

you inch away as he steps closer,”you better back the fuck away..”

he simply gives a smug face only coming closer,”or what?” you tighten your jaw when he loosely lets out a slur, your fists clenched.

“or i dislocate your arm.”bruce’s voice rings out, deep in anger as his eyes flicker to you and scanning to see if you were ok physically.

the ugly bitch’s face pales when he realizes who’s your boyfriend. without hesitation bruce yanks him away from you, slamming him to the wall

demanding for a first and last name,  squeezing his neck when the guy stays quiet

shaking he gives in and tells, flinching when bruce slams him against the wall one last time before dropping him

“i guaranteed whatever poor status you do contain i’ll tear it completely, say goodbye to your job.” he grabs for your hand and brings you into him as you both walk away.

“i’m sorry i shouldn’t have left you alone, my fault,”he presses a kiss to your temple.”and please don’t think any worth of that garbage’s words.”

you shake your head,”he was just some lowlife, not worth thinking about.” you reply leaning into him.

he looked at you and could tell no matter what those words still hurt somewhat and it angered him to no end

no one deserved to hear that disgusting shit, especially not his girlfriend.

his eyes hardens but doesn’t push further to make you anymore uncomfortable than you probably already are

giving another kiss to the side of your head he makes a quiet promise to himself not to leave you alone anymore in public with disgusting people like that around

jason todd:

as soon as the slur leaves the guy’s lips jason’s fist collides to his jaw, no doubt   shattering it

you and jason were grabbing lunch at some restaurant slash bar since it was the first time in a few days jason was free

everything was okay until you got up to go to the bathroom and some guy bumped into you

jason watched with hardening eyes as you apologize instead of the guy who slammed into you

“watch where the fuck you’re going at.”

you fall shock at the word, staying in place

while jason is on his feet in no time, swinging to the asshole’s face

screams were heard as well as the sound of bones breaking from his fist impact, the guy stumbling to the floor

“you racist fucking prick that’s my girlfriend you ugly fuck,”lifting him by his shirt he grabs his face and turns him to you.”apologize to her before i break your fucking face.”

he quickly rambles apologizes, crying in fear or pain. most likely a mix of both

jaaon lets him go and gives him another punch, this time to the nose. finding satisfaction at the pool of blood now seeping out

jason grabs your hand and starts to lead you outside,”let’s go eat somewhere else and forget about this shithole.”

you barely had time to give a reaction to anything as everything happened so fast

“hey look at me, don’t listen to that worthless fuck and his fucked up mindset. i dont know what to say to comfort you since i never experienced anything like this.” he stops at the car, placing his hands onto your shoulders

you nod sighing lightly, you only wanted a simple lunch with your boyfriend but instead got hate crime for simply  breathing.

“it’s nothing i haven’t gone through before,”he shakes his head blue eyes filling up with rage.

“no one’s gonna be doing that anymore, or at least getting away with it while i’m around

DICK GRAYSON:

he was completely taken by surmise at the slur being thrown at you, as well as the fault of you being the root of the covid 19

but before he had any time to react you were already on your feet glaring,”the fuck you just called me you piece shit.”

before he could reply you already kneed him and punched him between the eyes, dick laughing at the cries of pain

“you want me to take over or you wanna handle it babe?”

even how badly he wanted to beat the shit out of the pos the choice was yours

you denied and wanted to handle this on your own

but everytime the guy tried to get up dick would just shake his head and tell him to stay down, or simply push him back down

eventually if you start going too far richards would pull you away and tell you hes not worth it

he understands your anger but he doesn’t want you to past a line you won’t recover from bc of some worthless grime

“c’mon, he’s not worth anymore of our time. lets go eat pizza.”

DAMIAN WAYNE:

swing first talk later

he’ll just look at guy for a few seconds with a blank face

then he’s literally knocking them out

will probably kick him into the wall or ground

u dont know if you wanna pull him away because you already the tabloids, or if you wanna let him continue to beating the guy

damian probably wouldn’t realize how much he beat the guy to a pulp until you’re tugging him away

nudging his neck with to your nose to try and calm him down

he’ll end the fight with spitting on him tbh

your face reddens with anger when your eyes met the racist bitch, enjoying the view of his blood on the floor

“racist piece of shit,” he hisses before finally turning his back brow still frowning with anger

unlike the others (mentioned) he also knows and experienced racism and understands your point view way more

and know bow to comfort you better tbh

afterwards he’ll talk to you and comfort you, as well as opening up about his racist encounters, as well as his mothers.

if you’re still upset about what happened some hours later he 100% offers to beat up the guy again

you laugh it off cos hes serious about doing detective work, finding the guy and beating him to a pulp

you thank him but deny his offer and settle to confiding into him and just telling him how your feelings

STEPHANIE BROWN:

“are you fucking serious right now bitch?”

steph deadpans staring at the girl who called you the slur with ease, going on about how you were the cause of corona and to go back to your country

shocked at the words, hearing all of this before but it still doesn’t fail everytime you hear them

turning to you and seeing the hurt on your face from the word, she quickly turns to seeing red

without a second thought she grabs the collar of the woman’s shirt

“you’re gonna fucking apologize to my girlfriend right now or i’m gonna slam your face into the floor and break it

you stay still, pleased at watching the girl shake in fear under steph as she chokes out a mesh of a shit rushed apologizes

stephanie throws her down to the ground after her third apologize

“are you okay?” she knew you weren’t but asking the question would lead into the stage of comforting you

you nod but go on to tell her that this isn’t the first or last time this will happen, but it still never fails to shock you

she frowns at your experiences and doesn’t quite know what to do to help since she never went thru anything like that

she offers to take you to your favorite restaurant and end the day in wayne manor watching whatever you wanted

smiling when you accept, pulling you in her and pressing a kiss on-top of your head

“dont worry i’ll beat any jackass that pulls any racist shit.”

TIM DRAKE:

i think he’ll be the less  violent one out of everyone

he would honestly be so disgusted and gross out at humanity and how the woman thinks shes superior just because she’s white

if it was a guy saying what was said, then he would probably hit them ngl

but he takes the higher road with the woman, belittling and ending her with his vocabulary

and you’re pretty sure that his words hurt her more than an actual punch would 

you laugh when he compares her built to a buffalo

he then goes on to a more education lean, explaining how skin tone has nothing to do with a person, and she should adapt to modern times and stop being a racist cunt

after he ends it he goes on to find out who she is and email/call her workplace to inform what kind of employee they have

probably also goes on to make sure she wont be hired anywhere else

comforts you alot and and will get you anything you want

prob gets you both milkshakes as you vent to him about today and other racist things said to you

hates how you have to go thru any of this for simply existing

the  incident opens his eyes and he starts talking to bruce about opening a charity for ‘stop asian hate’

would shy away from the press and say you both came up with the fund

u’ll dismiss that rq and tell everyone it was all tim’s idea

all the money goes people got assaulted and paying for any hospital bills or anything needed

hii,, ive been havin kinda a sad baby day n was wonderin if u had any headcanons for any of the sides cause ive read ur like ur whole blog n 💖 i love it

i'm sorry i couldn't get to this earlier anon i rlly hope ur feeling better 💞

but this morning i am very soft about protective big brother roman so let's do this

i’ve said before that Roman is bad at caregiving because he cares so much about vee and overthinks it - not because he is actually bad at taking care of his baby bro

and i stick by that RELIGIOUSLY

he’s never going to be a caregiver, or “uncle roman” as he puts it, but he  is able to take care of vee on rare occassions when for some reason no one else can and does a great job (these are very rare tho)

baby vee looks up to his brother so much and copies him a lot - it used to annoy roman and he pouted and told vee to stop copying him and then vee pouted

until the CGs explained that it means vee wants to be more like him

now roman gets really smiley and stand taller when virgil copies him because he feels important and loved

once roman finds out about the cyberbullying virgil experienced he actually really struggles to go into his littlespace for a few days

he just doesn’t feel the need to, he doesn’t want to let his guard down, he wants to be able to look out for virgil

and when he usually sees virgil start to regress he always 1) calls one of their cgs and 2) goes into his own littespace when they show up and he knows vee is being looked after

but during the week or so after finding out about the bullying he hesitates to call the cgs when vee regresses with him

he stays big and he cuddles his baby brother and talks to him softly and sings to him a couple of times

when logan found them both in romans room with roman rocking vee in his lap and hummin a lullaby he was quite shocked to be honest

and roman got really embarrassed and felt a bit guilty because he was supposed to get the caregivers when vee regressed, that was the rule

but logan realises that roman is not little and that he clearly wants to protect his brother, the rule is really only for when roman is little

so he does takes vee away briefly to change him because he’s sure roman wouldnt know how to deal with any accidents, but he brings vee back to romans room and hangs around for a few minutes then slips out to let the boys have their time together

after a couple of hours, roman calls him back in and says thank you and is finally able to go into littlespace

because he got to protect virgil for a while and that’s all he needed, he needed to know he could keep his baby brother safe and now he feels much more relaxed about it

And for when they are both big because i’m a sucker for that too:

big virgil is just as respectful of roman, more than he has ever been before, because he sees how hard roman is trying to be a good brother and it means so much to him

it bleeds into their adult relationship too! they still consider each other brothers when they’re grown-up even though they don’t actually acknowledge it aloud

they’re a lot quicker to stop bickering and it’s a lot easier for them to say sorry and forgive each other - because they won’t ever stop bickering tbh it’s just a part of who they are when they’re big

but it’s always over trivial things, never anything big, they don’t ever hit each other where it hurts

they really trust each other a lot now because there’s just a special bond you have with siblings that will never be matched by parents, they even talk to each other about emotional stuff that they’re not sure how to tell their cgs

not big stuff, but things that bother them that they don’t really want to make a big deal out of - their cgs love them and are wonderful but they do take every negative emotion very seriously and sometimes you dont want it to be taken seriously you just want to vent

and sometimes roman just wants to rant about writers block without actually hearing advice and solutions and Virgil listens to him ramble without saying a word and roman almost always reaches a realisation of OH IT’S BECAUSE I SHOULD BE WRITING FROM CHARACTER B’S POV NOT CHARACTER A’S!! and thanks virgil and virge is like i didnt do anything but romans like you listened and virgil kinda feels soft

and sometimes virgil just wants to growl and complain about this stupid disastrous scenario that keeps replaying in his head and doesn’t want to be told how unlikely it is or be calmed down, he just wants to growl and when roman wordlessly hands him a pillow he smushes it into his face and screams then pulls it away blushing and whispers thanks and hands it back to roman who is giggling a bit - then roman won’t offer sympathy or logic, he will just say ‘yeah that sounds annoying’ then virgil will yell ‘I KNOW RIGHT??’ and actually smile and laugh because thats all he needed

it’s always really casual too, it’s usually when they’re paying a video game together and they dont need to look at each other bc they are focussing on the screen, or when thy’re both up at 3am in Roman’s room leaning against each other as they gaze up at the constellations from roman’s nightlight and trying to be quiet so the other two don’t hear them awake

and yeah i said in the minecraft hc that roman and virgil become comfy with physical contact

they cling onto each others hands when theyre little but when theyr big too if roman notices virgil getting a bit nervous about something or if he just feels like he needs some contact he will silently slide his hand over virge’s and splutter some random comment or joke to distract attention from it

virgil always calls him dumb and sappy as he wraps his fingers around romans hand

and virgil always flops on the couch when he’s tired or moody for whatever reason and he used to do it just precisely so that he avoided landing in anyones laps and bent his body at awkward angles to avoid touching anyone bc he was nervous he would be rejcted

but now he will happily collapse right across roman’s lap, bonus points if it annoys him

actually he seemingly does it just to annoy roman, but even after roman complains andvirgil sasses him and they bicker and go FINE I WONT TALK TO YOU and FINE IYOU TALK TOO MUCH ANYWAY

they pout at their phonescreens and cross their arms but virgils legs are still laid across romans lap and roman is absentmindedly running his fingers over the rips in virgils jeans

K lemme clear some stuff up since some of you cant read, and yes im gunna be aggressive as hell in this because none of you listen

First few things, i am not suicidal, i did not say i was going to off myself, i do not know who that anon was but because of everyone saying that anon was me, that anon is not getting the help they deserve from you people so maybe instead of looking for another petty reason to justify your actions against me, think for a second how ignorant your actions are to someone who is legitimately struggling with life right now. How do you think that anon feels? To have posted that as an attempt to seek help or something or to vent, and then see everyone going “omg vlixxie did this to guilt trip deku!!1!” Yeah, please use your brains thank you

To clarify, what i said was that i have struggled with suicidal thoughts and tendancies in the past, im getting help and im getting better, but i still struggle with heavy depression, i did not intend for this to be a guit trip, i realized how aggressive i was towards deku and i attempted to explain why i got so angry at them, receiving vivid violence threats like that really can trigger memories of when i was struggling with life, it can trigger a lot of dissociation and anger and hard shit to deal with, please do not take my words out of context if your going to go off on me for that, no one likes a hypocrite

K second thing, can you FUCK OFF with the ableist autism comments what the actual fuck is wrong with you anons. Seriously? You think people are defending me because im uwu autistic cant do shit? Yeah i have autism, yeah its a disorder thats hard af to deal with, but you know what? I fucking deal with it because life doesnt go soft on you because yoy have more trouble navigating it. I know how to control myself, i know how to form words, i can function as a human being and implying that i cant and that thats the only reason people are defending me is sickening and dehumanizing. Stop minimalizing me and the autistic community as a fucking whole just because you want reasons for me to be at fault

Next point, the slurs, oh the slurs, deku used the R slur against me. Deku did not know i was autistic, i did not ever expect them to have known that as i didnt tell them so i’d appreciate it if you dropped that whole “how could deku know!!” Im not mad because deku used a specific slur against autistic people against me. Im mad because deku used a slur as an insult. As i have been informed, deku also has some kind of disorder, but thats none of my business so i wont ask. The point is, deku has a disorder so in technicality he is likely eligable to reclaim the R slur. The issue with how deku used the slur was they used it as an insult, thats not how reclaiming works, reclaiming a slur is a process used by the minority to slowly take the edge away, to take away its power, so it cant be used against them anymore. When you “reclaim” a slur by using it as an insult, your giving it more power, your using it to descriminate, your doing literally the oposite of reclaiming. So dont come at me with the “deku can use the slur” because while thats true, using a slur to belittle or insult someone takes away any rights you might have and makes you just as discriminatory as anyone else using a slur as an insult

My triggers, so as i gave mentioned in this and as i have mentioned in notes and past posts, violence indicators and threats in general are pretty triggering for me, i dont know why ya’ll started saying “how could deku know??” Because i never said i expected them to know, newsflash, i really dont. Im not open about most of my triggers because most are centered around trauma or are embarrassing to talk about, ya’ll think i wanna be out here talking about how i used to wanna off myself? Ya’ll think im enjoying that? Nah not one bit i’d rather shut my damn mouth on that but it’d just give you people yet another reason to come at me so here we are. Deku did not know those two things would especially set me off, but the fact of the matter is that deku used a slur against me, and deku threatened me. Wether those two things are triggers for me or not they’re disgusting behavior and sick. The reason i brought up the triggers was like i said earlier, to try and explain why i got so aggressive at deku in addition to the original nature of the threats and insults

I legitimately dont know what “evidence” ya’ll have against me but your claiming you got screenshots of me doing/saying something that apparently warrants you to attack me, before ya’ll start sending those screens out like u claim your gunna do, maybe you should dm me and ask for my side, instead of furthering the one sided nature of this shitshow. I do have beef with endo rn, i have had beef with endo for a while now, but i kept it all in private, i didnt say anyting, i vented to my friends a few times because it was stressful as fuck and it was eating me up inside, i gave them screenshots when they asked but i literally never took this public. So before you try to attack me for “publicly” shaming endo, maybe consider that you are literally the people who made this a public affair and literally publicly shamed *me* for nothing

You had no reason to make this public, you had no reason to attack me, you’re grasping at straws trying to find a way to justify your actions, your trying to use me as a scape goat to take the blame off you, but you know what? I own up to my actions, i apologize when necessary, i genuinely want to better myself when i fuck up. And i dont use my mental health or my disorders as a sheild, i explain them when it’s necessary to the situation so dont twist that against me because it’ll only make you more of an asshole

Finally, people arent defending me because i have autism, people arent defending me because im “helpless” people are not defending me because i cant control myself or for any reason your describing, people are defending me because someone blatantly publicly threatened me with no basis and continued to harrass me and bully me into submission. To keep saying people are defending me because i have autism is not only offensive to me as a person with autism, its offensive to the whole ass community, we can take care of ourselves, just because we’re different doesnt mean you can pick our strengths and weaknesses apart and force an identity upon us

So before you make another post trying to further pin everything on me and make more shitty comments against me to justify yourself, consider that maybe you actually fucked up

And for the record, you keep saying i fucked up and im deflecting and i got called out, no one has told me how i fucked up, no one has told me why i apparently deserve this, so how the fuck do you expect me to apologize for actions i did that you wont tell me about. I cant apologize for things i didnt know offended or hurt you, not unless you downright tell me that it hurt you, im not a mind reader, and publicly shaming me isnt going to change that

Thank you.

vent #1

i wish my doctors would listen to me because i would like to be on different meds to prozac. it has been messing with me in weird ways, for days i cant sleep and although i feel great abt myself i literally trance around and people are mad at me for talking too much and running around and then i miss one just one dose and im eating everything and miserable again and its hard to move or do simple things :( i hope next week when i go (on tuesday im p sure) they wont dismiss me again. last time i tried to say something about how i couldnt sleep i was just told “yeah but you could just be thinking it” NO!!!! i literally have had nights where i KNOW i havent slept and its unusual!! i have been like this once for a week and im scared its happened again because i was thinking of running away or jumping out of a window last time!! and noone listened to when i tried explaining that. just called me self destructive and told me to actually get something done. whats the point im trying so hard and i cant do it on my own, and im just told to try harder, and the people who are supposed to be helping dont give two damns, my “friends” dont ask me or try to find me when isolate myself (my fucking SOSE/eng teacher cares more. she asked where i was to you assholes. fuck you. my teacher is an angel and you guys should stop asking me for money to buy you caffeine and ditching me and ignoring me i hate you I HATE YOU I REALLY HATE YOU STUPID “FRIENDS”) noone cares everyone pretends to care. its only lawful they do. its not like they want you to kill yourself. they just wont care about anything more than being moral about it or their reputation and jobs if you do. its only common protocol to call people against your will to ruin your life. the exec teachers only pretend to care because they get paid more as an exec and unfortunately that means dealing with people who are having breakdowns, life issues and such.  you are worthless unless you are able to work. noone cares if you are suffering. just be stable or “high functioning” enough to suffer through your job. you are getting “taken care of” to push you back into the wageslave system. die homeless, be considered a financial burden to society and “unproductive”, get thrashed around by psychologists, or snap and seriously hurt yourself or others. its always lose-lose and its win-win for the top 1%. i hate saying this and every single part of the following sentence but: i fucking hate normies. gosh i said it!!! i hate normies.... oh man what a horrible person i am, what a “im not like other girls i like video games XD!!” what an *gasp* incel (dude im 13 if any of you come at me and call me incel thats just... im blocking you), oh man how horrible am i!!! yes!! i am horrible!! i am a horrendous creature oh no. i hate normals because they have ruined my life, threatened me with the streets and fucking conversion therapy, abandoned me for days and came back with “ooh i love u uwu you better love me right hahahaha remember allah hates gays! also im forcing u to do ramadan hehe”, force me to wear dresses with such harsh intent, isolate me and call me weirdo, make me think im a gifted genius and make me TERRIFIED of ever fucking up one thing, exclude me, and think i dont know what petty games your instictual mind does.  i fucking hate normies and i have the right to hate them for continually being shitty to me and until they stop i will continue. do i want to kill all normies? no, because they make up for a majority of people and we would perish without them. or maybe not... if we come together and become self sustainable.... we can isolate ourselves and truly enlighten ourselves and not even have to do the stupid “how are you” thing where people get mad when you tell them how ur day rlly was.

1/ti/fi anon, thanks for ur reply. to clarify on 1+6, by smoothing things i mean making an active effort to resolve matters by saying sthing that is opposite of what i think is true, which i wont do. but i am fine not saying anything so as not to create or exacerbate a conflict. to illustrate, recently a friend vented at me+my isfj friend about someone she was mad at. from her words it was obvious she was misunderstanding the other person. i didnt point it out right then bc she would feel worse.

2/but tho i knew she wanted to have someone be mad with her/validate her feelings, i couldnt bring myself to dogpile on the other person when he’d done nothing wrong (which she realized few days later). so i said something neutral/noncommital like “im sorry ur having a hard day” technically true and i took care of her chores instead to help but withheld the entirety of my opinion. like i wont actively contradict if the situation calls, but i disengage/deflect instead of saying what isnt right.

3/my isfj friend joined her in anger tho she later told me she had no strong feelings but the other person was a stranger so he didnt matter, her priority was supporting her friend. i dont think shes wrong, and this was a very minor matter in the grand scheme. but even if im never going to meet this person it feels unfair to him and i cant help but wonder, if my friend had felt validated enough to take the argument with him further it would have caused needless strife.

4/re: se, i did consider it, worrying about potential bias in my typing. i test as INxP, but i know its bc i answer “yes” to qs on whether other peoples feelings matter and ofc u cant be a thinker unless ur a misanthropic edgelord. i ruled out judging; while im organised at work, i struggle with decisions and detest planning in advance. my first q was whether the N typing was right. i like adventure sports tho my lifestyle is sedentary. i love tinkering with things to see how they work #TOOLS.

5/but ur old post that resonated was how often im frustrated with the real world for not living upto the conceptual world in my head. my awareness of the physical world is poor for high se (i get lost easily). i crave novelty, but im among the “travels the world but only eats chicken tenders” people. im not sure i understand ur first statement, could u explain it a bit more? to clarify on my end, i know there are things people wont indicate, but i consider that not my business, even if im aware.

6/as they have a reason for not telling me. so i operate based on what they have said, rather than what i know. because of this, i give a lot of weight to words, both my own and others. i agree no one has intrinsic understanding of other people’s minds, incl. high fe. if anything, i find high fe can be bad at this on an interpersonal level as they impose generalizations on people whose needs differ but are bizarrely confident they can “read” people even with said person tells them otherwise.7/re: #8, by social world, i was referring moreso to rules of social convention/appropriateness, which fe users have a knack for (or perhaps define?). they comment on innocuous behaviour (not overt rudeness, things like not greeting every person as they walk into the office) as violating a norm i never picked on and it makes me second guess myself since i never thought of those things. surely everyone has some self doubt, but the frequency of this happening to me made it notable to mention.

——-

Okay, going through this:

1-2: that clarification is helpful. That can just be decent maturity in most types (though as you mentioned FJs tend to side with the friend) - few people are going to full-on throw someone under the bus just to make someone else happy, so the smoothing over, especially if the person who’s upset is someone you like, is often just a neutral statement or “that sounds frustrating.” The just giving in is something I at least use for people I don’t actually respect much and for situations where I don’t think a strong stance will help. Kind of a “don’t get in a mud fight with a pig, you’ll both get dirty and the pig will like it” situation. If it’s a friend who’s actually upset, even if I think they’re wrong, I think most people who aren’t assholes will try to remain neutral or focus on comforting the friend but not arguing until a later time. So…doesn’t really indicate anything other than you’re reasonably mature as a person and probably not an FJ.

I do think Se makes a lot of sense. I don’t know what old post it was but if it was pretty old, disregard it. We’re all capable of idealism - I’m confident that I’m a sensor and I get frustrated with the world sometimes. (I also have garbage spatial intelligence, though weirdly a good sense of direction). I think a current issue now that “intuition is psychic” is no longer as much of a thing is that people think they need to be absolutely flawless in their sensory understanding to be a sensor when it’s really a preference for the concrete. Also, the picky eating is not exclusive to Ne users - that’s one of the many statements that’s true about a lot of Ne users but isn’t really evidence for Ne on its own. My ISTP sister is one of the pickiest eaters I know, my ISFP sister is pretty adventurous. Food especially is weird and influenced by a lot of other things. But getting back to Se, the thought process of “they didn’t tell me, they must have a reason, let’s take them at their word” is more sensor. It’s not that sensors aren’t capable of realizing they might not have the whole picture; it’s that they aren’t going to look for the deeper meaning if there’s not a really good reason, whereas intuitives might look for the deeper meaning even if there isn’t one at all.

You are right about Fe (I find that high Fe users, and especially NFJs, are the worst offenders in imposing a generalized view of how people should be responding) but I think we’re sold that you’re not a high Fe user. The description of not feeling like you know how to interact with people does seem more like that of a thinker. While it’s tough to be positive on Ti/Fi at times, I’d seriously look at ISTP. You sound more like ISTPs I’ve met (than either INTPs or ISFPs), which I get isn’t super helpful but it’s what I’ve got. I’d also look at enneagram 9, which might be influencing the desire to just stay neutral and not instigate disagreement (and is pretty common in both ISTPs and ISFPs but I find more so in ISTPs. ISFPs have somewhat less chill in my experience.)

ALL

i did the wrong set of questions ... so we’re getting the ones i reblogged to my main blog lmao

the outdoors

overcast: do you think you’re an overachiever? what do you your friends think? 

oh no not at all i cant be bothered to put in effort although i do love being Great 

clouds: is there anything someone has ever said to instantly make you sad?

“i dont understand” like... this doesnt make me sad really it just makes me feel stupid bc when im trying 2 explain smth and they say this i feel like i failed as a person trying 2 help rip

gray skies: what calms you down?

sleeping helps and just distracting myself with other things

thunderstorm: how do you prefer to resolve tension in your life?

tension between me and someone else?? i just confront/talk to them which usually ends up badly b4 i dont think before i act and i end up saying dumb shit

wind chill: what makes you feel cold inside?

hm. ......... ... .. finding out i mean less to someone than i originally thought if that makes sense???

droplets: to you, is physical closeness more or less important than frequent communication?

tbh.. physical closeness is very important.. i talk to this person through message more than i talk to them irl so whenever we see each other irl its super awkward???? though its not exactly the case so communication is important too i guess??? 

puddle: what is your emotional outlet? why?

venting!!!! bc its easy and i have a lot of thoughts so typing it all out is soothing 

morning fog: do you prefer waking up early or sleeping in? 

uhvhhdslkskkl i love waking up early but sometimes i kinda just . lay in bed and hug my thing that i hug to bed and ??think abt soft shit like cuddling someone idk its bad but NICE so i do end up sleeping in?? except im wide awake idk

mist: 

me seeing all the mx shit

drizzle: what is something you would like to know more about / explore?

personally id like to explore the streets of sg more/?? i always travel by train/bus/car so i never walk outside a lot and i kind of want to/??? with a friend???? just explore and walk arnd and take pics u kno

the indoors

fairy lights: what makes your eyes light up?

seeing my special ppl friends included

coffee shop: where is your favorite place to be?

home

windowpane: what music do you listen to the most?

lately its been kpop ever since i got into day6

teabag: do you prefer tea or coffee? how do you take it?

tea!!! with 2 packets of sugar always

candlelight: what is your favorite scent? why?

THE SMELL OF FRESHLY CLEANED LAUNDRY!!!!!! and lavender 

throw pillows: what is your favorite type of relationship? do you have one like that?

friendship ..?????????????

cozy: have you ever been in love? describe the feeling.

i wont count my universe tm so no

bustle: do you enjoy being busy? why or why not?

depends on what im busy with??? if its sch work/exams then no!!!! but busy doing things that i like??? ya i love it but im always 2 lazy rip

succulents: do you like taking care of things, people, and animals? which one do you enjoy the most/least? why?

ive never taken care of anyone in my entire life before and i was p irresponsible when i had hamsters so ....... .. taking care of things is the best???????? its easy???????? and i always remember to be careful with my laptop, etc.

chatter: what are your favorite things to talk about? with whom? why?

my favourite things to talk about are the things that i like with friends who like that thing as much as i do and bc i can feel the BOND between two fans and shit????? its like????? i can relate??????? i agree???? me too????? idk

your body

baggy sweater: what keeps you warm? 

blankets. ... the sun/.. 

daze: do you meditate? why or why not?

no i cant just sit there and do nothing

damp: do you cry often? what makes you cry?

i really dont lmao do geminis cry a lot or smth (falen and jen)

bc i cry so rarely its gotta be actual emotional shit??? stuff that i can relate to?? for e.g not having a friend write a proper birthday message (this is too specific but its more like.... having a friend who doesnt actually care that much) or idk its mostly always bc of friendships bc im weak

umbrella: what makes you feel safe?

i used to be rly paranoid and would make sure the doors are locked and shit but now i dont care as much? some guy could break in and id probably thank him

gleam: what makes you feel the best about yourself?

bell and boxy laughing at the nonsense i say

yawn: who takes care of you when you’re sick? who do you take care of when they’re sick? 

my mother when i was younger??? but she’d always get so mad about it so i dont tell her anymore i just take care of myself by resting and shit

i dont take care of anyone 

hum: besides music, what is your favorite sound?

silence..??? unless im home alone then no thanks lads

oh shit boys the sounds you hear when ur underwater are actually nice??? i love it

brush: do you enjoy having your hair played with? what about massages?

no to both but ill gladly play with other peoples hair

fuzzy socks: do you prefer warm or cold weather? why?

cold bc its always hot here

gloves: do you like working with your hands? why/how?

mmmmm yes?? personally im a very “itchy” person so ill always have to be fiddling with smth??? idk why tbh and my skirt and shirt??? have this thing??? idk how to describe it but i kind of like fold it?? and rub the pointy part against the inner part of where the nail ends??? god this is the worst and weirdest description ive ever had to write im signing off

thank you so much for asking this once again falen i love u :-o

Ok so major vent/fuck coworkers post because I swear if I don't I'm going to punch this fucker's teeth in. Its long without a tl;dr so im sorry viewers There is this slimey mother fucker at my work... lets name him Graig... and he is that insufferable "teacher's pet" kind of person (read as: the store manager's bitch), and hes that fuck that will kiss everyone's ass and act really nice and polite but then actively talks shit and tries to snitch on u for something u may or may not have done the moment ur back is turned. But he talks the most shit on people who are "in his way" (ie: people whi arent managers but are still in a higher position than him) and he actively tries to sabotage blue shirts because he thinks that if the one in front of him is gone they have no choice but to make him a blue shirt. In every case he successfully pisses off a blue shirt to the point they leave, my manager just hires another blue shirt Here's a little segway to explain how the heirarchy of Dankin Doodoos works. At the top of a specific store is the manager who wears a red shirt in the middle are the shift leaders who wear blue shirts and at the bottom are the crew who wear white shirts Now backstory for Graig so this will make sense: at this point he is a White Shirt and hes pissed because he is p much the store's bitch and all he does is complain about how he doesnt have a Blue shirt, how he deserves a blue shirt even tho he takes waaaaay too many short cuts, actively ignores when Blue shirts ask him to do something or tell him to move to a different station, actively creates and perpetuates rumors to cause discourse, is very rude to customers, didnt know how to do most stuff that ur p much supposed to learn in training, literally fucks up most of his drinks, etc the list goes on and on for why he shouldn't have one and shouldnt even work here for that matter and we were all even told by our District Manager (a big higher up) he will never have a blue shirt. I came to work at this location after him but as a whole I was an actual manager at my old store so i was immediately put in a blue shirt position. He was not happy about that one fucking bit. I didn't care. I was nice to him, hoping if i didnt give him anything to bitch about hed eventually fuck off and do his goddamn job. Now onto the reason I say fuck Graig. I used to stream myself playing video games on twitch on my off time from work, which was A) a great stress reliever and B) something I've wanted to make a career for a while now. My manager knew I used to do this because I'd gush about how much I loved doing it so much. Id given a lot of my coworkers my twitch url and told them to come watch some time and it was all fun! But then one day my manager calls me into the office (with, of course Graig pretending to need shit out the office every 5 seconds so he can eavesdrop) and she tells me that someone had sent the url of one of my stored videos on twitch to my the district manager. It would have been all good, because i literally never say anyone's name and i never say i work for Dankin, it was just a fun stream i did with my friend and honestly my hair was long and i look way different with my hair pulled up so i might not have even been recognised so any of the foul language and dicks and stuff i joked about wouldnt have even mattered. But of course they absolutely had to try and get me with something, so they saw my shirt, which said DankinRonpa (a parody of Danganronpa) on it with a bear on it was close enough to the Dankin Doodoos design that I was representing my location and decided that everything i was doing was inappropriate so I was literally almost fired. And my district manager even made the comment that she had saved the url to my page so that shes going to check in from time to time to make sure im not doing anything inappropriate. Thankfully my manager saved my ass by pointing out it was a first time offense, i didn't know that my shirt would let people know where i work, promised it wont happen again etc etc I was so upset i still havent back streaming because im terrified shell keep her promise. So now if i want to continue streaming i have to abandon my current twitch channel (and all 200 followers) and start fresh. Of course after my shift is over my actual friend that worked there at the time also as a blue shirt let me know that Graig decided he had "had enough of me" and decided to prove that he had "eyes everywhere" and sent the link to my district manager. And the kicker? The real fucking kicker? He got a job as a assistant manager at a dollar corporal and he had put in his two weeks in the same fucking email he sent my twitch url in. He legitimately had no fucking reason to do it other than to be a petty piece of shit. Oh and even after he left, he kept calling the store, asking whoever answered the phone how much they were making, then told them they could make more at his dollar corporal like are you fucking serious? And what hes doing is trying to convince people to leave their job here and to come work under him. And from what the other managers say, its because he acts like hes a fucking bigshot and yells at everyone and hes already driven off half the staff. And wouldnt you know it, because of that they severely cut his hours to the point where he came crawling back this past week. But because right now, my store is so severely understaffed because all the hires have additudes and refuse to come in on time, they damn near handed him a blue shirt. But he always nags me when i dont let him touch my drawer or count the safe, or let him in drive thru. "Oh why dont you trust people?" And then try to guess why: "is it that rumor i heard about you getting in trouble over youtube?" And honestly that pisses me off even more because he was there when i had the conversation with someone esle i worked with and even asked questions about it, so he knows. And one of these days hes going to catch me when im not in uniform and not in the store and im gonna whoop his fucking ass if he doesnt leave me alone

hey im just gonna vent abt something i normally dont (woweee) bc its been stressful lately, and being stressed abt this makes me feel like a terrible person

so like ppl who give at least half a shit abt me would know that my sister is mentally disabled (not lala btw i refer to her as my ‘little’ sis bc shes the youngest) but that last year she graduated high school and moved on to community college (shes an art major)

but like ???? shes been falling really hard in her math classes, and her gpa is very low and shes on academic probation and she could loose her gift aid

and like ?? she doesnt want to do those classes which i understand but the general ed requirements make it so she has to

and like the thing is that we contacted disabled student services but LITERALLY all they could do was give her longer test taking time (which she doesnt need) isolated testing (which she also agrees she doesnt need) and one-on-one (a note taking assistant) but the thing is they say she herself has to ask them and literally the convos go like this:

me: she has a communication disability, so im here to ask for services

them: yeah but she’d need to ask for them herself

me: i just said ???? she has ???? a communication ??? disability ????

NA DLIKE i will explain to them in full detail what her disability is but they ??? wont ??? get it 

bc like ppl hear you say “she has Autism spectrum disorder, also a learning and communication disability” an d they only ever think of autism in the sense of savants, shy timid fidgety kids, etc. basically only think of high functioning ppl who look “””””””””””normal””””””””” until u really ask them

shes more ?? mid-functioning ? i suppose it the correct way to say it

and it FRUSTRATES me so much that no one gets it and no one wants to help her

but also like,,,, my family stresses me out about this too

bc its clear that she is very uncomfortable in these classes, maybe they move to fast for what she was used to, etc. 

but my mom INSISTS on keeping her in school, which i undertand and my sister is genuinely interested in going for an art degree

but like ,,,, when we had registration problems last semester they made me handle all the business. i get that i speak fluent english and all but they made me go to the offices of the college ahave to talk to like 10 different people for many different things. i remember one of the days it was very hot and i hadnt eaten all day and i had to wait in line for almost 2 hours,,, i was ABOUT to pass out until a girl saw me and offered me a protein bar

adn they administration doesnt take me seriously

they either think im in high school and dont know shit, or think i already go here and know everything. it wasnt until one person was like ‘u know how to do that already right?’ and i said ‘no i dont go here and i dont know how this system works i go to the university and its very different there’ AND ONLY THEN did they actually outline everything for me

but like,,, they blame me for her falling behind bc i dont help her enough or check her work etc. but !!! i !!! have school !!! i have a lab job !!!! i have a retail job !!! there are other ppl in this house who are just as capable as me to help her but ???!!

like as if im the only one responsible for her

and like,,,, i know im responsible for her. i always knew. i learned very early on in my life that i will always be responsible for her and that my life will be dedicated to her. i knew from an early age that i had to let my family put me aside to support her. i knew that i understood it. i understood that i had to be like another parent for her (and my other sister) ESPECIALLY when my parents began to argue and threaten eachother with divorce and their estranged family came back into their lives

and it stresses me out so much bc i feel like im failing her

im not doing enough to help her and it frustrates me and kills me so so much to know that life for her has never been easy. of COURSE i wish some days that she wasnt autistic. bc she suffered through bullying and administration coding her communication disability as ‘’ESL’’ just to get more money to the school, shes been on and off many medications, she had to go to so many doctors to get blood work (which she absolutely hates to this day) and brain scans etc. her sensory sensitivity makes her anxious and i can see it in her face when the rest of my family is having fun that she feels scared and overwhelmed. she feels frustrated and hurt adn hopeless no matter how much we assure her . i feel like such an AWFUL person for saying so and that kills me. 

and i wish that i could fix everything and make it so that her life is easy but i know that since i must do that, i have to sacrifice so much of my life and future for it. like i want to move out after i graduate ucr but ??? leave my family behind ??? and her behind ??? ill look like im running away from the responsibility. and i feel so awful everytime i think like this and anytime i feel suicidal and whatnot . i feel guilty and shameful. i wish things were easier than this and easier for her

wow long

my aunt and I have this thing where we vent to eachother about the toxicity of this family and I honestly dont think what were doing is bad because were not insulting anyone or anything we just talk about negative reactions/situations with my siblings, fights in the family, and what my parents did and how it made us feel and the possible connections it could have to how my siblings and i react to things due to being in this environment (my aunt, though affected by it, did start living with my nuclear family when she was nearly an adult already so she wasnt raised in this environment). The toxicity constitutes how my family continuously talks bad about eachother and somehow manages to pretend that they hadnt and they claim they love their family and its hard to tell if they truly mean it or if their brain kind of just tells them they should feel that way? idk how to explain it but its very unintentional...they dont even realize they do it. Irrational behaviors on the plate too bc my mom doesnt handle negative situations well so when she actually does something to handle a bad situation its usually in an unhealthy way and if she isnt doing something she is enabling the bad behavior of others, with my dad being the main target of these actions (she rationalizes his behavior, tells us to ignore it, doesnt confront him because she fears his reactions [he is not abusive he just might not take it well] and much more). He loves and cherishes intensely, but he constantly thinks nobody loves him (despite how often I have expressed my love deeply and how my other siblings have too, which to be honest is infuriating because it feels like he doesnt acknowledge the love WE DO give him ex. he’ll complain like “why'd u do that for ur mom but not for me” on MOTHERS DAY even tho we did something similar for him on Fathers Day... are u really in that much need of constant validation...) and has a history of my grandparents disliking him at the beginning of my parents relationship (to the point they eloped), despite them living with us now and , to be honest, i dont think they care much for him (theres not even hatred, just no feelings for him). This has lead him to have a vicious cycle of constantly needing attention and feeling badly almost instantly when he isnt given it. Along with this hes rather obnoxious and has a terrible sense of humour and is bad at reading social cues. (ex: he says a terrible, rude, joke and none of us find it funny/or tell him that was inappropriate to say. sometimes reactions from my siblings are more intense than they need to be but its because of how we were raised...he often leaves this situation thinking “everybody hates me, i cant even joke around with my kids, i shouldnt say anything at all because it just makes people mad because they hate me” rather than actually take what were saying and reflecting on his behavior. He has very similar reactions when he talks negatively about our grandparents who are honestly doing nothing and we dont reply the way he wants). There is also a constant habit my parents do of keeping secrets, talking behind eachothers backs (in the most toxic way possible, its not for pure venting or wanting support), or constantly thinking that every little action has a deep meaning behind it (ex: my aunt doesnt talk much one morning- this is because she is sleepy from having a late work shift and is rather introverted. My parents think its because shes mad at them and come up with all these reasons as to why she could be and why shes being “terrible” rather than simply asking “hey whats up you dont seem very talkative this morning are you okay?” This later influences how they treat her) We’ve only started talking about it in the recent years and we only do when either I feel she has been wronged (they do treat her differently after talking about her and she is constantly out of the loop of it because they never confront her - another habit, fear of confrontation, that was passed down to my siblings and i- and she is often left confused and bothered) or they have hurt me emotionally.

Recently, I think my aunts been acting more openly, expressing more of her feelings about these behaviors to them or having negative reactions that she normally hid when talking to them when topics such as my dad, who she feels is mean and irrational (he talks bad about my grandparents/her parents and its true his reactions to things are often irrational unfortunately). My mom talked to me about it in the car and was like “hey it seems ur aunt has been reacting negatively when i bring up your dad...” and I know she knows we talk, but not specifically what it contains. I feel it is limited to venting in her mind or she possibly projects that we talk like how she talks about others, with the latter being extremely toxic. I of course dont tell her about what my aunt and i discuss because I’m not sure how she’ll take it. She tells me “your aunt doesnt seem to be one to talk about her emotions (this is true..my aunt prefers to handle her emotions independently and its not because shes trying to not rely on anybody, its just how she prefers to handle them) so if somethings bothering her you should tell me so I can change myself for the better...dont tell her you told me though and I wont react drastically so she knows we’ve talked....i know you guys vent to eachother because your close but...itd mean a lot if u told me when shes upset by something Ive said...also keep this conversation just between us ( I feel like she sometimes thinks I tell my aunt what we talked about...sometimes I do do this so i have no right to get mad. Obviously my mom is observing my reaction at this moment to see if I actually do that [which I just know from experience] and I try to keep my emotions very hidden and just say okay)”. And I honestly...dont know how to handle that. I dont know whether I should actually tell my mom when my aunt is bothered, especially since the whole “dont tell her” thing was tacked onto the end, which feels uncomfortably secretive. Or if I should tell my aunt about this conversation we just had because its bothering me and I usually rely on her for support when I dont know what to do, but IM hesitating because Im not sure of how she’d react to this information, it also never feels good to tell her specifically after Ive been told not to. Or if I should choose to just not tell my mom anything regarding my aunt and not tell my aunt about the conversation, which I feel could present consequences of its own/it might slip because I constantly think about it. Its stressing me out. To the point I feel like dying because my brain is never relaxed and I feel like I cant handle it sometimes. Life really shouldnt be this complicated and it makes so uncomfortable and anxious and I just want to leave.

i told myself i wouldn't bother people on anon anymore but i need to vent if that's okay? my parents were watching tv and my mom said something, which without full context it's hard to understand so i'll basically say that she said something he wasn't satisfied with and started talking down to her, like hinting she was hypocritical because some journalist had said something before, (mind you, she was talking about a union man who makes deal with the government to fuck workers over)

and said journalist said something rly insensitive about a person with cancer, which idek how tf one has to do with the other, but either way he used that to basically imply she was being a hypocrite, and i was sitting there like?? why u talking to her like that, and he does it ALL the time and she never tells him to fuck off she gives him so many explanations for what? he will still talk to her like that, so i jumped into the conversation to make him see that her saying what she said had no

correlation bc a she's not a famous journalist, and b she's not actually making a public statement so his argument makes no sense?! and obvs he went on to say that i'm very rude because no one invited me into the conversation and i said he barges in on other ppls conversations all the time, he's the one being a hypocrite now, and ofc he denied it and my mother said NOTHING. i dont even know why i bother defending her anymore she's like this all the time, ill stand up for her and she wont say

a word and let ME be slandered now even though i did it to defend her but its literally so frustrating because im supposed to sit there and listen to her being humiliated by a stubborn arrogant man, and then im the one facing the consequences of standing up for my own mother while she says NOTHING. idek why i bother but it literally makes me so mad. and ofc she afterwards talked to him and he ignored her bc he was so mad that i shut him down, walking away in silence like someone had done

something unforgivable to him, walking around with the shittiest face which is such an example of his signature passive agressiveness and ugh, i always say i hate men and i swear to god, my father is a the very top of that list. why are men trash. anyway im sorry i just needed to get that off my chest and i saw you were answering questions i didnt mean to bother you 😪😪😪

hello!! ur not bothering me at all im so glad you feel like u can vent to me! also im soo sorry this took so long to reply to, ive been super busy with uni work and ive barely had time to be on here and i wanted to take the time to answer this properly!! anyway i cant sort of relate tbh bc growing up my dad was such a dick to my mam, like he was so argumentative and just talked to her like shit and its so awful to see it happening bc u feel so powerless...but idk, maybe try talking to your mum about it and tell her how you feel? and explain that you feel frustrated by the whole thing and see what she has to say..its always best to be honest about how u feel especially when something is bothering you! and im rly sorry u have to live in a situation like this, like i said i grew up in a very similar environment and it sucks lmao :( men rly aint shit tbh and i truly hope things get sorted for you and your mum !!

BOOOooooooiii what a pain

Decided i wanted to vent tonight about some stuff. I didn’t want to type a fucking book so i decided to film myself talking everything out..i went on for a while and made the file too large so it was absolutely impossible to upload anywhere to get it back to here. 

So fuck it, ima type a book. There’s no real point to it though, i already vented and talked it out..i mean yeah it was to myself but still it was a release. I guess with me using this to write about certain things, i might as well keep it going and write the summary of what i wanted to talk about so it’s out there somehow.

Sooo where to begin..

The past month has just been really fucking rough..i’m beat. Mentally, physically, emotionally..i’m just so tired and the way this past month has went, i’ll be tired for much longer. At the beginning of March i hit a bad depression spell..bad. I did the usual; kept myself closed off, didn’t socialize much or feel all that great. What started it all though was i was actually neglecting the one person who was giving me any sort of joy at the time and that was my girlfriend. 

I was ignoring her calls. Getting upset easily and just bein grumpy all the time...she thought i didn’t want to be around her. I’ve tried explaining the way i get in those states but it’s hard to get used too. She got tired of feeling unwanted so she break up with me. I don’t blame her, i’d do the same. I felt like shit though..i had driven the one person, that cared for me so much, away..

So now i miss her. We still talk but it’s different..shorter conversations. I don’t like it. 

About 3 days later, my dad says it’s time for me to move out. He thinks I’ve been there long enough to where i should have enough to have my own place. He gave me the time of my next check (2 weeks) to find a place, a way too and from work (I don’t own my vehicle, i use his truck to get to work) and enough to like live on once i get all that. 

...Look dude, i don’t wanna live here. I don’t feel welcome in this house at this point. That’s why i shut myself off in my room all the time. I wake up, go to work, come home and stay up by myself till like 4 and then do it all over. Anytime he talks to me it’s to tell me I’ve done something wrong. So fuck yes, i want out. But goddamn do you know how paychecks work? 

I make money, yes. I have a decent job, sure. I still pay for my own stuff. Phone bill, my own food because i wont eat yall’s groceries out of courtesy, gas that i use. I smoke cigarettes and weed so that takes some but fuck. I just started this job. I aim to get a full time position soon but it takes time. I had a plan and he did what he always fucking does and he rushed me. Why is life so short in his eyes. why do i have to immediately fend for myself. 

Fuck it, anyways the 2 weeks go by and i have nothing to show for it. He’s pissed. We have a fight. He makes me want to hit him  one day but i know that fucker would kill me. It’s awkward now talking to him because he doesn’t want me to hate him..i don’t either. I miss me and him having fun. Now i’m like a burden in his eyes and he wan’t me gone so he can wipe his hands of it all. 

Around that time, his girlfriend who lives with us, allowed her brother to move in as well..okay this dude gives me a weird vibe. He’s nice i guess but he’s 40 somethin actin like a 16 year old. He brags about all the weed he smokes and is always up when i’m up. I don’t have my alone time anymore from like 12-4 HE”S ALWAYS AROUND. I can’t just go outside to smoke without him following me and talking my fucking head off. I don’t want to tell him to shut the fuck up because that wouldn’t be good...

But the one thing that i think has nailed the final nail in my coffin...is that i’m being sued for 2200 dollars for an accident I was in from December of 2015. I was working at Chic-Fil-A at the time and was leaving work. I drove a big truck and was turning right and i guess i turned wide and was in the other lane a little. Well this little car was comin up behind me kinda fast and tried to zip by me and we scraped each other. I got freaked out because i had never been in an accident like that before. I stopped and they were up ahead since they were going faster, they got into the turning lane, i followed them. Instead of them turning left like i thought they were going to do, they made a U turn and went up towards the Interstate.

...uhh i was like wtf i’m not following ya’ll down the interstate after we just ran into each other..they left so i fucking left. WHat else was i supposed to do? Well i get home, 15 minutes go by and a cop pulls up my driveway. Fuck my life. “That your truck?” Yes sir it is. “It was reported being in an accident today.” I explained the whole thing to him and he didn’t seem to care. He kinda just kept asking for my father like i was some little shit kid who didn’t know anything. I call my dad and he shows up pissed as fuck and talks to the officer. The cop leaves and my dad just starts yellin at me, but he never tells me anything the officer said. Couple days later he says they were calling him into court to discuss the situation. THAT”S ALL HE FUCKING TELLS ME!

He didn’t say I had to got to court, he didn’t say WHEN the court date was, he didn’t say shit to me. If they had asked me to come, i would have but the letter was to him and was asking for him by name. After that i never heard about it again. It just went away and since i had never dealt with something like this before i assumed he handled it. He didn’t

He wakes me up this Monday and throws a letter at my face saying that me and him are being sued for 2100 dollars of repairs and 140 bucks of court costs. I have to pay that. I accept that i have to pay that. I was the driver. I’m just pissed that it happened now of all time. When i asked him what i should do about it he said to get a second job. Good idea. I’m actually planning on doing this since i have no other choice. And the best thing of it all is, he asked me today if i had found a place to live yet. He still wants me out soon as well as paying these payments. So that’s that.

 That’s been my last month. So i’m currently looking for and apartment, a mode of transportation, a second job and 2200 dollars worth of savings. Not a bad checklist -_-

Sorry this was so long. I just needed to type that all out for myself. I’m gonna do this..I have too. Just send good vibes my way. I need it..i’m overwhelmed at the moment and just feel like i’m drowning. But there’s a saying i heard the other day that relates to this scenario. 

“Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.”   Frank Abagnale Sr