#this is a rough week idk if i can make it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bella-goths-wife · 3 days

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I feel like we should have an actor au for the pet series where like the vees actors comfort the actor (who is the reader) after really distressing scenes I just like imagine vals actor being so sweet after the scene where val locked pet in a room with him to make her panic idk just a thought I would love to see because even though I luv the story line it always kills me when there is no comfort after things that happen even though sometimes they do comfort her it just makes me feel so icky and I feel like having an actor au will help people like me so that we can still enjoy it, with the reminder in the back of our heads that it is not real because even though its not real it still kinda feels real if you know what i mean because I get really immersed in x reader stories. I know this is a lot but just a suggestion no pressure I will still read and love it either way

I actually think this is a fun way to comfort the readers without straying from canon, I think I’ll probably do one for each of the characters each

Also they all have the same names as their characters :)

Vs pet actor au (Valentino version)

Warnings: val is worried, pet acts panicked, crying, non canon events,

“Come here princesa” val coos in his characters voice to your character as you act out a fake shiver of fear

You act out the scene of abuse with fake tears streaming down your face. The scene was one that you had been nervous about for weeks, having known that it was a disturbing scene to watch and film.

In the scene, vals character had locked your character in a room with him to imply that he would possibly assault her like he had done to angels character to cause her to panic and breakdown.

You and val had gone over lines together in your trailer and lamented about how it would be a rough filming day for the two of you, considering you had the punishment scene to film just after.

But you put on a brave face as you acted out your scene with minimal distraction. You followed the script and your weeping character sat beside Val on the soft couch as the camera did a close up on your face to ensure they captured the panic in your eyes and the quiver in your bitten lips.

as it came time for val’s character Valentino to touch your thigh in a menacing implication, he did so and you felt a shiver uncomfortably run through you.

You suddenly became hyper aware of the people behind the cameras who had their eyes peeled on you, and how the pink lighting shined so brightly on you.

As your cue came to jump into val’s arms, you froze completely with your face lowered to your thigh and tears running down your cheeks.

“Cut” the director called out and it broke you out your frozen daydream

“Everything okay kid?” Val whispers with a concerned look as he removes his hand from your thigh

“I don’t think I can do it” you whisper back through tears as you face your back to the cameras

“Everything okay up there guys?” The director called out with a concerned expression

Val uses his wings to hide your face and tucked you against his chest before he answered, making sure to spare you any embarrassment.

“We’re gonna need a 15 minute break” val called back politely “private please”

The director nodded with an understanding look before calling most of the set to go on a break away from the filming Scene.

Val turned to you and put a hand on your shoulder.

“Are you okay kid?” Val asks with a worried look as he pulls you away from his chest to observe your expression

“Yeah” you say with a shaky inhale as you wipe your tearful eyes with your palm “it all got a bit much for me”

“I get it kid, it’s a hard scene to film for everyone” val says with a nod and a soothing tone “that’s why I tried to put it off for as long as possible”

“I’m just not used to doing scenes like this guess” you say with a sigh “I had the same problem with Vox during our panic scene, I think it just gets too much for me”

“Your playing a very difficult role honey, it’s understandable that you’ll get a bit freaked out during your scenes” val says gently

“I can’t believe I made them stop shooting, I bet they’re all so mad at me now” you say with an embarrassed groan “I should have just continued”

“Hey, hey, no one is mad at you” val says with a reassuring tone “your having to put yourself in very disturbing scenarios, you have every right to stop filming when you feel uncomfortable and anyone who tells you otherwise hasn’t got a clue about how much work these scenes take”

You nod with a frown, still embarrassed about your freak out, Val notices and wraps his arm around your shoulder

“How about we go get some water and then go talk to the intimacy coordinator about how we can make it feel less overwhelming” val suggests with a smile “or we can try and ask if we could use your body double for the scenes where my hand is physically touching you”

“Yeah” you say with a small nod and a smile “let’s go talk to the intimacy coordinator please”

“Of course sweetheart” val says with a gentle smile as he wraps his hand and wing around your shoulders and begins to guide you to the door.

You managed to work out a way to make the scene to work after a few different attempts and you captured your best shots before retreating to your trailer with Val in tow as you both celebrated a successful scene by eating food while you had your wigs, makeup and costumes removed.

After that day, Val made it a point to always be present during your harder scenes and was always checking in on you during the breaks between takes. He also made sure to update the intimacy coordination on your preferences so they could be added to your filming contract.

You were the youngest of the actors he was working with, and he wanted to make sure you were completely protected while on set.

Should I do more?

Sorry it’s so short 😭

Tag list:

@the-faceless-bride @idontreallyexistyet @ivebeenthearchersstuff @hazbinhotelxreader @fandomaddict505 @corvid007 @buttercupfangirl @lilyalone @rerarlo @perkypeony @sparkleyfishies @repostingmyfavs

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wonbin-truther · 3 days

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casual (TEASER) jaemin x reader - 600 words but final fic is ~2.5k hopefully warnings- mentions of sex but idk if im gonna include smut, makeout session, jeno and yn smoke a joint, jaemin is an asshole, some jeno x reader "this isnt anything serious," jaemin said as he zipped his pants up and watched you pull your skirt down. "yea just casual," you agreed.

you where at yet another frat party with chaewon and karina. you hated these parties so much and the reason why stood about 6 feet in front of you with his tongue down another girls throat. "im surprised you haven't gotten mono yet," chaewon handed you a red solo cup filled with some mystery liquid. "you need to move on already. hes a bum," karina groaned. "he's nice," you could feel the tears brimming your eyes. "do not cry over that loser," chaewon grabbed you harshly by the shoulders. "what you need to do is get some non diseased dick and show him what he's missing playing around." you nodded and downed whatever was in the drink and made your way through the crowd, knowing exactly who your target was going to be. naturally you had met jeno within the first couple of weeks fucking around with jaemin. you knew jeno was attracted to you but had some kind of bro code going on. you were quick to find him sitting on the couch smoking a blunt. you sat in the empty spot next to him, making sure to get as close as possible. he adjusted so that his arm was around you, pulling you into his side. "you saw him didn't you?" he pressed the roll to your lips and you happily took a hit. "yea. it's nothing serious between us so it's whatever." "so that's why you came to press onto me? because it's whatever," he let out a low chuckle. you put your head on his shoulder, already feeling the weed mix with the alcohol in your system. "if he can go around with other girls then I can be with other guys. it's only fair," you pressed a kiss to jeno's jawline. "careful princess," his hand moved down to grip your waist as you continued leaving open mouth kisses and marks around his neck. he swiftly pulled you into his lap so you were straddling him. you took a quick glance up and locked eyes with jaemin who looked like he was about to kill jeno. you gave him a smirk before you got up from jeno's lap, taking him by the hand and pulling him upstairs. jeno watched from his spot on the bed as you cried into your hands. "i just want him to want me like i want him," you were pacing back and forth. "yn that's how he is. did no one warn you?" he replied. "they did and im a dumbass for fucking around with that loser but-" you let out a scream that you hoped was drowned out by the music downstairs. "you're in love with him," jeno laughed. you threw yourself face down onto the bed next to him, "i hope his dick breaks." jeno let out a louder laugh. "i hope so too. being his roommate is rough. maybe if it broke he wouldn't have a girl over every night". "you're so not helping right now," you got up and gave a light punch to his arm. "if it makes you feel better he's never been as consistent as he is with you." you rolled your eyes, "yea that makes me feel so much better. a new girl every night makes me feel a million times better." "just tell him you like him. trust me he doesn't even know it yet but he likes you back," jeno stood up and stretched. "i'll tell him we fucked if it makes you feel better." you stood up and followed behind him, grabbing his hand, "yea we can tell him that."

a/n - yippee im so excited for this !!! im hoping for it to come out around next week ^^

#jaemin #na jaemin #jaemin x reader #jaemin smut #jaemin imagines #na jaemin x reader #na jaemin smut #nct dream #nct dream jaemin #nct dream smut #nct dream x reader #nct dream imagines

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hemeruni · 2 days

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Well. Here’s what I’ve been planning on doing… I’d like to introduce you all to-

The FIRST ANNUAL tumblr User hemeruni direct, a special event where I get to actually go into more detail about the projects I’m currently more so focused on, while giving important news to what’s next on our menus.

Now let’s go ahead and get this show rolling shall we?

NURSE PHILLY UPDATES

As you know, Nurse Philly has been placed on the back burner for a while as I took the time to work on my other projects. But, starting today, I’m working full speed ahead to officially get the Askblog up and rolling! The scripting process has been tough, but a rough outline has been finished and a overall timeline of arcs and events are all laid out, so it shouldn’t be long for you all to see the nurse in person!

I’m not the type to give out dates, but expect this hush puppy to start around mid-late 2024.

Alright we’re getting the hang of things! What’s next?

GLIMMERLOVE NEWS

This project started as a one off post that quickly spiraled into one of my favorite projects thus far under the hemeruni brand. While there isn’t plans to get a Askblog rolling anytime soon, the askbox will always be open for asking questions to these mysterious folk.

This project doesn’t have much besides that, but if things change revolving my work ethic, I’ll surely consider it.

No date on this one, as it’s currently in a fine state from where I’m seeing it.

HAPPY HATCHDAY HEMMY!!!

By the time I’m writing this, Hemera’s birthday is still ongoing and it might honestly been the most exciting days I’ve had in a long time, considering the fact that I’ve just… haven’t been active as much.

This fox means so much to me and I have Sparklecare and only Sparklecare to thank for creating such a wonderful creature that deserves everything wonderful on this blue marble of a planet.

I love you Hemmy, don’t stop being you.

Me and Uni are making a coffee shop au

Yeah idk what else to say

It’s news to me but I’m just posting this since I thought the idea was funny.

Personal au?? I think?? Only WE get to make one not YOU /J

Now. I mentioned something at the beginning of the whole thing about a change that is going to happen. Before we end this, I might as well say what I want to say.

The Future.

I’m breaking away from this community, for my own mental sake. I’m saying this with a heavy heart, knowing that this whole 'fame' thing isn’t something I enjoy. Besides fame, I’ve been so caught up in comments and reblogs that it mentally drains me to see one post that I spent less time on doing better then one I actually put my effort into.

This culminated in a unfollow from the official Sparklecare account that I’m still assuming is over the criticblog situation. Nevertheless, it left me bed ridden for weeks, realizing that what I worked so hard for was taken from my own dumb mistake.

That taught me a valuable lesson though, which is why I’m finally deciding to just cut contact with the community entirely, besides friend groups and servers I’m in you won’t really see me active on my main, mostly just au updates.

That also means I’m no longer reblogging stuff to my main account, but I’ve already came up with a solution revolving a account called hemerunireblogs (which will be linked later down the line)

That’s the most you’ll see me interacting with this community, I hope you can understand.

Now.

We’ve reached an absolute.

The End.

I wish things could’ve been different, but it’s either I continue down this path and further ruin myself for others sakes, or I finally start to work on myself again. In the end, I decided to choose myself. Call me selfish, I could care less.

For some, I’d like to wish the best, even though we may have not talked much, I’d love to see you again sometime soon.

You all have been a wonderful audience, I hope you all had a wonderful Hemmy Hatchday. Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight my friends.

-Mx. Hemmy

#my art #sparklecare #hemera philly #hemeruni #uni cornelius #nurse philly #Glimmerlove au #text post #ramblings #long post

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rkivefr · 5 months

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. ࣪ . 𝒮𝗆𝗈𝗄𝖾 𝒮𝗉𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾 . ࣪ .

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deus-ex-mona · 1 month

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just a v e r y rough tl of lxl honeymoon 2: collab boogaloo

be sure to check out the anime (which hails from the ultimate box of the album) if you're able to!!! and support the official release!!!

all screenshots in here are from the trailer btw

Aizo: Hi Julieta! I’m Aizo!

Yujiro: Hello Julieta, I’m Yujiro.

Aizo: Today, the two of us, LIPxLIP, are on a trip.

Yujiro: We’ve come to Izumo as a reward for completing our album.

Aizo: We’ll be sharing a little glimpse of today’s trip with you guys, so enjoy!

Yujiro: We’ve been here since yesterday, but let’s start off with our wake up call!

Aizo: You’re showing them that?!

Yujiro: Good morning, everyone. It’s 6am. It’s still too early to have breakfast, but I’m going to show you Aizo’s sleeping face.

Yujiro: He sure is asleep, hm?

Yujiro: He’s drooling.

Yujiro: Aizo, you’ll be late. You’ll be late, you know?

Aizo: Eh? What?

Yujiro: It’s already 9 o’clock, hurry! Get up!

Aizo: Ah? It’s 9?

Yujiro: You’ll be late for work!

Aizo: Why’re you filming me?! You’re lying for sure! Stop it!

Yujiro: [laughs] And that, Julieta, was Aizo’s sleeping face!

Aizo: And here we are at the breakfast table. We’re about to have our breakfast.

Yujiro: Aizo has woken up too.

Aizo: Wow, Yujiro, you’re having Japanese food as expected, huh? Ooh, isn’t that Izumo Soba?

Yujiro: And you, Aizo, are having Western food as expected… Wait, what the heck? You’re having pasta first thing in the morning?

Aizo: I just felt like having it today. Even you feel like having Western food in the morning sometimes, don’t you?

Yujiro: I guess so. I wouldn’t eat pasta in the morning, though.

Aizo: I’m sure the Julieta watching this will be like “I just knew Yujiro’d be eating Japanese food and Aizo’d be having Western food”, huh?

Yujiro: Maybe they will. We do give off those impressions, don’t we? Just like how we’d have either coffee or cocoa respectively.

Aizo: I got it. Wanna change the impressions we give off by trading our breakfast meals?

Yujiro: I don’t wanna. I want to eat my soba.

Aizo: Yeah, yeah.

Yujiro: Julieta, which do you prefer? Western food? Japanese food? Tell us, okay?

Aizo: Yum!

Aizo: We don’t usually shoot vids all by ourselves, huh?

Yujiro: Though you say “usually”, this is the first time we’ve done it, right? The staff always tag along with us.

Aizo: They plan all kinds of programmes for us too, right? Yeah. So, where do we go now?

Yujiro: Ehh, I don’t know. You decide, Aizo.

Aizo: Me? You decide, Yujiro. I dunno where to go either.

Yujiro: You decide, Aizo.

Aizo: Eh?! You’re kidding! Hmm… I can’t think of anything.

Yujiro: Planning ahead sure is important, isn’t it?

Aizo: Yeah. Let’s just walk around for now.

Yujiro: And so, we’re now at the footbaths!

Aizo: Phew, it’s hot in here!

Yujiro: We came here too last time, didn’t we?

Aizo: Yeah, back during our live tour, right?

Yujiro: Oh right, Aizo, how do you feel about the release of our second album?

Aizo: Of course I’m happy ‘bout it. I mean, releasing even just one album’s already pretty amazing.

Yujiro: Yup. The fact that we’re able to release a second album is all thanks to our Julieta, right?

Aizo: Yeah. We’ve gotta try even harder to meet their expectations, huh? How do you feel about the album, Yujiro?

Yujiro: I guess I feel differently about it than I did about our first album.

Aizo: Eh? How so?

Yujiro: I feel as though I wouldn’t have been able to do it alone. It’s all thanks to the support and expectations of our Julieta that we’re able to stand on stage. And, as that stage grows bigger and bigger, I get the feeling that I wouldn’t have been able to respond to the size of the stage all by myself.

Aizo: Yeah, I feel the same way. I’ve had thoughts like “Why are there 2 guys in LIPxLIP? I could do it by myself.” before. But this has made me realise once again that going at it alone would just mean halving our power.

Yujiro: We’re able to develop better together as a pair than we would have on our own. I'd say that we’re indispensable to each other for sure.

Aizo: Yeah, we are. Plus, things would sure get boring without a rival around, huh?

Yujiro: Yup. Aizo, the friendly rivalry between you and me… Wait a sec! This is going to be a bonus video! Isn’t this conversation getting embarrassing?!

Aizo: Yeah, it is. But isn’t it fine for us to talk about our true feelings when the two of us are on a trip together?

Yujiro: I guess so. We’re alone on this trip together, after all.

Aizo: Yeah. Aight then, let’s end this off with a word of thanks to our Julieta.

Yujiro: Thank you for getting our second album, Julieta.

Aizo: Thanks, Julieta.

Yujiro: This album is packed with our thoughts and feelings. It'll make us happy if you listen to it many times over.

Aizo: You’ll listen to it, won’t ya? We’re going to keep growing from here on out, so follow our progress, yeah?

Yujiro: Follow us, okay?

Aizo: Till we meet again, Julieta!

Yujiro: Bye bye Julieta. See you around.

Aizo: See ya!

#no im not subbing the anime i dont have windows movie maker anymore :(#but hmmmm ig this can be used as a very rough reference for those of y'all who have the anime but can't understand what they're saying?#may delete this post later idk that's future me's problem #some lines are prettyyyyyy iffy bc 1: my ears are complete and utter rubbish #and 2: i was relying heavily on autocaptions for this to compensate for 1 and it messed up on occasion #and ofc 3: some overcompensation was done in an attempt to make the lines flow decently sooooooooooo~~~~~~~~#in any case thank you autocaptions for making this possible. genuinely couldn't have done it without you #fingers crossed that a better tl will manifest someday~~~~~~#ok that's enough lxl for one week gnnnnnnnnnn #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—#lxl tl things

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copper-skulls · 3 months

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just_grillb.png

#idk i haven't touched my tablet in over two weeks but I need to draw something rn so . making sure i can still draw before getting on That #fanart #undertale #rough #grillby #digital art #krita

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silenthillbunni · 2 months

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🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head;#im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out.#like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to ://#i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool.#then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway..#im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀#im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks.#but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

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galaxywhump · 5 months

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going through it, venting in the tags

#idk the last few weeks have been so rough #i recognize it's mostly the shitty weather and general gloom making my depression worse #but that doesn't make it suck any less #it's been this constant onslaught of negative emotions #and even more negative thoughts #including very drastic ones #i'm behind on a lot of things but i can barely motivate myself to do anything at all #and i'm yelling here cause i don't have irl support and bottling all that up is horrible #so i don't know. if anyone has any advice or something that would be wonderful #but i'm not really expecting or demanding that #just needed to get it out #so thanks for sticking around #today's been a day filled with full-on sobbing and randomly tearing up #i'm gonna have one hell of a headache tomorrow #anyway #marti vents #venting #suicidal thoughts tw #just to be safe #mental illness tag

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elegyofthemoon · 4 months

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i want to change my mobile theme but also. have to make a list of ideas for what i even wanna change it to.... and even then might bug yall to pick for me bc i am! indecisive :D

#we're /really/ riding the 'NEW YEAR NEW ME' vibes B)#goomorning here but i am Tired as hell T _T #these next two weeks are going to be Rough tbh (read: too much going on within the new ward i have to work in)#BUT WE WILL KEEP GOING !!!! WE GOT THIS !!!!! (PUNCHY ARMS)#snow speaks #like ok tot would be fun to have but i dont play it THAT much i just miss the characters #and its impulsive choice bc its just 'i miss characters'#i wouldve went hon//kai but uH its probably going to be ant//ientropy if i did. maybe. >_> maybe.#if i did h//sr its probably the lan//daus again.#...i can live out my dream....being perceived as ge//pard LMAOOOOO #NOOOO WHAT IF I DO A LUKA THEMEEEEE #idk see ? indecisive because theyd all make me happy anywyas #listen. id do a dan h//eng one HOWEVER HES BEEN MY THEME LIKE 3 TIMES ON A DIFFERENT BLOG #he doesnt need more power get out of here (gently pushes him away)

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gibbearish · 2 days

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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes

#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit #and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While #like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days #we shall see #also ajr live fucks severely #the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience #like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad #like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go #so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times #notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with #and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what #idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath #much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck #so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb #the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least #meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion #prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got #taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert #so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school #and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player #and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap #like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible #which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow #her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated #like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most #and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard #fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there

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thanager · 9 months

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whats up girls i am crying for no reason now

#p #the past few weeks have been really rough on me and idk why #even though we've gotten more staffing at work and it was less stressful today #and my new supervisor in my department is super nice and actually knows what he's doing #i'm still so stressed every day i come into work #and i'd say at that point 75% of my shifts i don't get a lunch break cause i quite literally don't have time and no one fucking knows how t #-run my department #i've just felt so empty recently #i know it sounds edgy but i don't know why i cant explain it #i havent felt this way in a while #i just feel like im constantly stressed and not even the comfort from my mom or my boyfriend can make it go away

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mejomonster · 5 months

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To get good at telling stories... writing stories... one must... practice by writing stories ;-;

#rant #i tell u what i think id have functioned well in a wrbnovel publishing format. but i dont think #any good sites for that exist in english as of yet? (i think theres one but its contract is Yikes i heard)#but just like. the idea of publishing chapter ever 1-2 weeks until youre done. maybe 20 chapters maube 2000. maybr you never finish.#most of the chapters free and maybe idk you make some advertizing money on ads viewed on your chapter page. or make the last couple extras #paid only idk. but the big thing? the point im getting to - sorry i got lost in the sauce -#my point is: you probably DO write shit at first. or write fine with some SHIT ARCS or rushed chapters to hit ur weekly updates #and 5 years from then youll look back and wanna overhaul some of those fucking stories (weve seen many a jjwxc writer revise later).#but wow will you have practiced writing a LOT.#youll have 100k 500k 1 million 5 million words worth of writing under your belt in a few years #and youll probably be a hell of a lot better at knowing how to make more chaptwrs on average interezsting and Building Consistently to your #main plot and arcs. you'll probably get much bettwr at raw scheduling of wriitng and pre-planning that works for you and structure mapping #youll have a much better idea of your personal strengths whrn you need to lean on them for a rough month when your story's turned #into a mess. youll value your own writing more (i hope) cause LOOK how much you fucking accomplished.#like. npss? dmbjs author? idk about others but i can definitely see the improvement in wriitng skill #between dmbj book 1 and the recent heihua book and mountain village book #(in terms of style in word choice. and goals for the story set out to be told)#i look at priest and newer novels by priest are as impressive as any literary novel ive ever analysed #(and older ones while i also love i do see their slightly rougher word choice and how some were executed a bit #more up and down/not as tightly)#i just. agh. i am :c feeling that ill probably write 200k words this year #and none of it will be as good as i want. but i NEED to write these first 200k #because the only way i get better. get to the way i want to write. is to make the progress of improvement with this first 200k.#ToT fun fact i wrote 170k words this year. WOW. and maybe 400k words of fanfic in the 4 years prior (so 100k words on average)#i know i am imptoving. i just gotta keep at it.#also? annoying i cant focus my attention lmao. 160k words is mkre than enough to finish a 1st draft novel #but me? i split those among like 20 projects this year. so the novel most written so far is still only at 40k #and im probably going to need 60k more words to finish it

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ozlices · 3 months

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v personally & candidly speaking i rly wish how much depression can fuck w a person's ability to keep up w their personal hygiene was discussed more & w more empathy/sympathy attached.

during depression spikes my ability to keep up my personal hygiene is the first thing to go & it sucks. i Feel gross & i can't do anything abt it bc my executive dysfunction keeps me chained down in a dirt covered chokehold. sometimes for over a week.

& it's also v difficult to combat bc my disabilities make showers rly rly draining for me. like ik once i shower im down for the rest of the day, so that just adds to it as well.

i have numerous alternatives i TRY to do when im stuck in that layer of hell for awhile, but sometimes they take even more mental energy than just simply forcing myself to shower & if i could do that i wouldn't be needing to consider the alternatives in the first place

idk i just. like. it sucks feeling fucking disgusting bc u physically cannot bring urself to take care of urself & it's completely out of ur hands & knowing ur also probably judged for it u know

#idk if this even makes sense i was just thinking abt it while i was in the shower #bc it's been long enough since my last one prior that i don't rmr when it even was #& it's rly draining honestly #i can't take baths in this stupid fucking house & it sucks bc when i can take baths i do rly well w keeping up w them #they're so relaxing & comforting for me but i Have to take showers here & they're so exhausting & even painful sometimes #like the worst part of a bath is having to clean the tub but i can manage that since ik the bath will soothe me #a shower? im just in pain from standing & i can't hear anything over the water & im so tired from standing & it sucks #ive had a v v v rough couple weeks i dont even wanna hold convos anymore i just wanna be outta this gd house im so miserable #mine

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dredshirtroberts · 1 month

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hey. hey universe. hey fucker universe.

no one said you could bring back the Wednesday Curse, bitch. fuck off with this shit i didn't need any of this first thing today.

#the Wednesday Curse is related to a span of about... almost 10 years of every single wednesday having something major go wrong #''major'' is a strong word but it would always feel big and afterwards would be when i would notice it was wednesday #it was a lot and i got very tired of it very quickly but it eventually stopped and i stopped noticing wednesdays #because they stopped being bad every single week #i would wake up on a wednesday bracing for whatever terrible news i would learn or whatever horrible thing would happen inevitably #and i stopped having to do that #my dreams lately have been absolutely horrific and last nights/this mornings was.... worse than usual in a way i wasn't anticipating that's #made me very very worried about a dear friend i can't easily reach out to and i'm doing my best at waiting patiently for a response #but it's hard and then the tire on the car exploded *again* so we're scrambling to figure out how to fix that and we've got a plan #and at least 3 butches on the job and it's going to be okay in the end but i have extreme car anxiety and tires going out is one of the mai #triggers for that and i'm just #i'm also still dealing with the tail end (hopefully) of an upper respiratory infection which makes all the crying i keep doing difficult #because i keep needing to hack my lungs out because breathing sucks rn even though i've had all my meds for it #and i'm just... it's just... anyway #i'm having a rough morning #but i am surrounded by people who are very lovely and care a lot and are willing and able to help with whatever they can #and that's helped a lot and it's just... i know i gotta wait patiently for resolution on things and i'm gonna do my best #to calm myself down and try to be less anxious but i'm only able to do that because of the love that surrounds me and it's a lot #it's all a lot and idk man #the spectre of my dad is doing his best to ruin it but he doesn't exist here in this space it's just a bad memory and no one is at fault

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cinna-bunnie · 6 months

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talking about not being loved on back as a top and being unwanted and unloved as children on tumblr's hitting too close to home this morning (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

#p a i n #i know things r different these days and if i died right now people Would notice and Would miss me but god it's hard to like..#Feel™ like u rly matter to anyone u know.. u have friends n can always make some when u try but never quite talk or hang as much as u need #no family no loved one just a girl with more time on her hands than she'd like and her little kitty 🧍‍♀️#the closest thing i have to consistent interaction is feeding the birds and squirrels when they show up it's been p rough ngl #🥲 i need someone 2 talk with everyday and to be around every week. talk to me hang out with me love meee #i am so full of love that it overflows and spills out 2 others but it's always so one sided (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)#i need someone 2 drown me in their love. platonically romantically Whatever. i am a social creature without a true pack rn #i hate transitional periods in my life!!! they r always so so slow and isolating and miserable until one day it's not #and then u don't even remember what being alone felt like.#idk how to get out of this besides moving somewhere cheaper so i can go out more and eventually just moving towns #it is uniquely isolating around here (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) u go 25 miles south and it's like night n day they r so so sweet and warm. hate it her #i could use a rly long hug 2day

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treypug · 1 year

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💊

#personal #im stressed the fuck out about everything #and depressed as hell #again #i tried to go back to the psych office i used to go to but bc its been so long they consider me a new client #so i filled out all the new client paperwork and turned it in online like they asked and they said after that they would call me back #and schedule the appointment #well its been over a week and they never called or emailed me back and work has been so rough that i havent been able #to get out of work early enough before their office closes to call and be like wtf can i make a fucking appointment #so i dont know when ill get this damn appointment and on top of that the 1st appointment will cost double bc im now a new client i guess #and the office is like an hour drive away but none of the other offices near me have good reviews #maybe they just had a backload from winter breaks idk #but yeah stressed about that and i can never fucking sleep well #cant fall asleep cant stay asleep dont feel well after rest its bs #and im eternally broke #really need a new bed thats bigger so i can maybe sleep better with my bf #i could ask my parents for money help but i hate doing that im almost 25 i shouldnt be so fucking broke and dependent right #also ive been feeling ugly for over a year #and this weather has me fucked up #and bills have me fucked up #ugh

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