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weirdestbooks · 3 years

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Secret States Chapter 1

A Normal Beginning

America's POV I rubbed my eyes as I began waking up. I had finally gotten enough free time, without my insomnia keeping me up, so I was able to get an hour of sleep. That's not a lot, but way more than I normally gets.

"I can't believe I actually slept." I muttered to myself as I pulled myself out of bed, holding my chest where pains remained due to COVID and the capital riot. I looked around my room, which was pretty empty. I had a desk that was covered in paperwork, along with my laptop. Next to it was a printer. The desk and printer sat between two bookshelves, which were filled with books, non-fiction and fiction alike.

There was a couch next to the bookshelves, underneath a window that looked outside.My bed was opposite of my desk. It was plain, with blue covers and red sheets. I had a bedside table with a lamp, and a picture of me with my kids.

Unlike what most other countries thought of him, I could be and was mature. I love my kids, all sixty-two of them. My states and territories, along with DC, NASA, NATO, Liberia, Palau, Marshall Islands and Micronesia. I even considered Philippines and Cuba to be family, even though I wasn't sure they, especially Cuba, returned those feelings. I would tell them, but I didn't want to make things awkward between us.

I got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing my Stars and Stripes, along with my black eyes. My black eyes were very odd. No other country had them, only the organizations, although I wasn't technically a country myself. The United States of America was called the Union for a reason.

I didn't always have my black eyes though. They looked like any other country's eyes until the large waves of immigrants that changed America from having one culture, to having so many, I can't claim a nationwide culture.

Even though both my father, the United Kingdom and the Soviet Union are also technically unions as well, they didn't have the black eyes I do, which lead me to believe black eyes were a sign of having no or many cultures, as opposed to a main one.

This theory was only further cemented when New York developed black eyes as well. Although, he was pretty sure Soviet had one black eye, which was the reason for his eyepatch.

I got myself ready for another day of mind numbingly boring meetings with the rest of the world. I hated how other countries always liked blaming me for things or just making fun of me. I know my country had done horrible things and I hate myself for being unable to stop the government from doing them, but the other countries didn't need to bring it up.

At least my family stood up for me, along with my friends, like Germany and Japan, although how Japan could be friends with me after what I did to her mother was a question I could never find the answer to.

I shook the pessimistic thoughts out of my head, muttering "No pienses así América. Estas tratando de compesarlo. Deja de culparte cuando las cosas van mal." (Don't think that way America. You're trying to make up for it. Stop blaming yourself when things go wrong.)

I opened the door to my room, before almost being barreled down by American Samoa and Hawaii. American Samoa and Hawaii were dressed very similarly, with t-shirts and shorts, although Hawaii wore a lei. Hawaii's flag had a Union Jack in the upper left hand corner, with blue, red and white stripes. American Samoa's flag was dark blue, with a white triangle that had a red outline coming from the right corners. In the triangle was a bald eagle holding a war club and a fly whisk.

"Faʻamalie Tama. O aʻu ma Hawaii sa na o le taumafai lava e faʻatumu le isi vaega o atumotu o le Pasefika e faʻamalosi ai atumotu Caribbean." (Sorry Dad. Me and Hawaii were just trying to get the rest of the Pacific islands to prank the Caribbean islands.) American Samoa said. Due to not having an official language, I was able to understand and speak all languages spoken within my borders. This wasn't a small amount, with approximately 350 languages spoken in the US. I loved this however, as it allowed my children, especially my adopted ones to speak their first language, or just whatever one they preferred.

"Mai hopohopo makuakāne, e hōʻoia wau ʻaʻole e ʻeha kekahi!" (Don't worry father, i'll make sure no one gets hurt!) Hawaii stated as she grabbed American Samoa by the arm pulling her brother towards Guam and the Northern Mariana Islands room. I smiled at my kid's antics as he walked towards the stairs. As I walked downstairs I bumped into another person, causing them to drop their papers.

"Sorry D." I said as I helped the district gather up her papers. The District of Columbia, or Washington DC, was wearing a pencil skirt with a button up dress shirt. Her flag was white, with two red lines though the center and three red stars at the top.

"It's okay Dad." She responded, smiling, "I'm glad you finally got some sleep though. You know I can help you if you get overwhelmed. I am the capital after all."

"You do enough as it is. You're also up early. Are you heading to the capitol building to try and convince Congress to grant you statehood?" I questioned, handing DC back her papers which consisted of plans on how they could redraw the capital to allow for Washington DC to become a state.

"Yeah. I'm upset that Trump prevented it from happening, but hopefully with a new president I can get closer to achieving statehood. I'm going to head out now. Vermont's making breakfast. Love you Dad, goodbye!" DC said as she walked out the front door.

"Love you too" I responded before sticking my head in the kitchen.

"Bonjour Vermont" I said as I looked at the nation-turned state. Vermont was wearing a green and blue plaid shirt along with jeans and worn out boots. His flag was blue with a coat of arms in it, the central image being a pine tree.

"Bonjour Papa" Vermont said as he took another couple of pancakes off the griddle. "Je prépare des crêpes pour tout le monde, alors ne vous inquiétez pas pour la cuisine. C'est une journée de repos pour vous." (I'm making pancakes for everyone, so don't worry about cooking. It is a rest day for you.).

"Merci Vermont." I said as I walked into the dining room, being met with the faces of NATO, New York and Delaware.

"Hey guys. Did you get any sleep York?" I asked them as I sat down.

"Like your one to talk Dad. And I did." New York said as he sipped a pot of coffee. New York was wearing a suit and had a blue flag with his coat of arms on it.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure York gets some sleep before he collapses." Delaware said. Delaware was dressed in a shirt and jeans. His flag was a colonial blue, with a yellow sideways triangle with his coat of arms on it. The flag also showed the date he ratified the Constitution, December 7, 1787.

"I was founded by twelve countries, why's this the family that I have to be a part of?" NATO asked. NATO was wearing a suit, as he also had to participate in meetings with other countries. His flag was blue with a compass rose, with four lines coming out of the four cardinal directions.

"Really?"

"Come on NATO, you know you love us."

I laughed at my kids' protests to NATO's comment as Vermont came out with the pancakes.

"Foods ready. Where's everyone else?" Vermont asked and he put a plates of pancakes on the table.

"Sleeping." Delaware said.

"Del, we're Americans, we don't sleep for this long." Vermont said, crossing his arms.

"The South are messing around in the backyard, but surprisingly, the West is still asleep. I think the Midwest is doing something with the crops. The four corners are doing something. NASA on the phone with Navajo talking about names for that Mars mission he has." NATO said as he began to eat his pancakes.

"How do you know what everyone's doing?" New York asked.

"I don't. I have no idea what the territories, Mid-Atlantic's, Hawaii or Alaska are doing." NATO responded.

"Sam and Hawaii are trying to convince the Pacific islands to help them prank the Caribbean islands." I said, thinking back to the conversation I had with the two islands earlier that morning.

"Are the former territories going to be involved?" Delaware asked.

"That I don't know. I'll let you know if any of them tell me something about it" I said. As I said that, an alarm on my phone went off.

"Time to go?" NATO asked.

"Yep. Del, you and the Thirteen are in charge, along with Vermont. Alaska has been having nightmares again, so help him with that if you need to." I said as I got up from the table.

"Got it." New York said as he took another large sip of his coffee.

"Á bientôt!" (See you soon) Vermont said.

————————————————————————

Canada's POV (BTW, I am not describing the flags of any countries that are well known, only the states because they aren't as well known) I sat down next to my brother Australia as I walked into the meeting room.

"Hey, have you seen Ame recently?" I asked Australia.

"No, but 2020 was crazy for everyone, he's probably just dealing with COVID stuff. UN did cancel all in-person meetings in 2020 because of COVID. Thank god for the vaccine." Australia said, rubbing a hand on a burn scar.

"Mes fils!" (My sons!) I heard my mother announce from behind me. I looked over to see my father, UK; my younger brother, New Zealand; my uncle, Ireland; and my mother, France.

"Bonjour Maman. Comment ça va?" (Hello Mom. How are you?) I said. Maman smiled.

"Très bien. Avez-vous vu Ame?" (Very good. Have you seen Ame?) She asked.

"Non." Canada replied.

"What are you talking about? I heard Ame's name, but I don't know French." New Zealand cut in.

"Sorry Kiwi." Maman said.

"I heard my name. Are we talking about me?" I heard America's voice from behind me.

"Ame!" Australia said. I turned around to see my brother, who had his hands in his pockets. He had his sunglasses on and had a slight smile on his face.

"Hello America." Père said.

"What up Pops? How's everyone been?" America asked, sitting down next to Australia.

"COVID's been tough. I'm glad for the vaccine though." Père answered as he and Maman sat down.

"Thank god for the vaccine is definitely on everyone's mind." Maman said. UN then walked into the room followed by NATO, ASEAN, EU and AU.

"Hello everyone. I am hoping to continue our meetings for now, but if there are any complications involving COVID we will head back to online meetings." UN stated. "We will begin with the countries most affected by COVID. First up will be the United States of America, followed by the Federative Republic of Brazil and the Republic of India."

————————————————————————

The meeting was incredibly boring, just everyone talking about their cases and vaccinations, the same thing we've been doing since COVID started. After the meeting, I walked out with my family as they discussed random topics.

"Man I wish Uncle Scotland, Uncle England, Uncle Wales and Uncle North could attend these meetings. Then we could really have a family reunion." New Zealand said.

"Your Uncles would make a mess out of the meeting. Nothing would get done." Père stated.

"So we should definitely let them come. It would make it more fun!" America said.

"Yeah Britain, let our brothers come. They would definitely add spice to the boring meetings." Uncle Ireland said, draping an arm around Père's shoulders. America and Uncle Ireland always loved joking around trying to get a rise out of Père. I think it stems from their independence, but they are still close regardless.

"We should try and get together, we are vaccinated and we can wear masks if anyone gets truly worried about it." Australia suggested.

"Let's. I need to see someone other than myself. Maybe tomorrow?" I asked. Everyone gave nods of agreement, aside from America.

"America?" Maman asked, questioning his lack of a decision. America bit his lip.

"I'll have to check, but I'm pretty sure I'll be able to." He said, but still seemed conflicted. I was worried about my brother. He had a lot of COVID cases and seemed to be a lot more tired than usual. But if something bad was happening, surely America would tell someone.

"America, can I speak to you alone?" A voice behind us asked. I turned around to see a country with a flag very similar to America's, but instead of the fifty stars there was one big one.

"Sure thing Liberia. I'll be right back, guys" America said, walking over to Liberia.

"I didn't know Liberia and America were friends." Père commented.

"Ame's friends with everyone." Australia said. He then paused and continued, "Well not with North Korea or Iran or Russia-Okay maybe he's not friends with everyone, but he has a lot of friends."

#weird’s wattpad stories #statehumans #countryhumans #countryhumans america #secret states by weird #writing

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thatgamefromthatad · 3 years

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Seen this ad? (Tumblr Ads Decoded - “This Simple Morning Ritual Changed My Life”)

(You can skip to the bottom to just read the conclusion if you’re not interested in the investigation part!)

Disclaimer: This is an ad I saw in screenshots from other users so I haven’t clicked on this ad myself and can only go from what’s included in the screenshots. I can’t guarantee where this ad actually leads to if you click on it.

The first thing I did to investigate this ad was check the link, mybeautifulbestself.com, which is not a registered domain. The next thing I did was search for the exact text of the ad, first the main headline part and then the description part underneath.

The headline part linked to a Medium article that started out in a similar way with “From 154 kilograms to 59. I’m sixty-three ... Three years ago, I could never have imagined hiking.” This ultimately led to a link for a “metabolism boosting” supplement called CarboFix. (I don’t endorse any products mentioned in this post btw in fact I tend to assume weight loss stuff like this is a scam.)

By searching the “I’m down from 248 to 135, and life at 61 has honestly never been better” part, I found a Facebook page called Healthy Choice Daily, which is running several ads with different random pictures and the same exact description as the Tumblr ad. The ads link to a page on the Healthy Choice Daily website, which then links to a video on the website for Meticore, another “metabolism boosting” supplement.

I tried to sit through the video for as long as I could and I toughed it out for maybe 20-25 minutes before I decided I wasn’t going to get much more from it other than the fact that this is all an ad for Meticore, which was apparently created after some guy from North Carolina got a heart attack from being too obese and some mysterious doctor from Madagascar decided he was going to give this one patient the magical secret to weight loss known only to the Malagasy people which is made from plants that only grow in Madagascar or something like that (yes that’s what the video was actually about there was even a line like “you are the first Westerner to know this secret” lmao.)

So my best guess would be that the Tumblr ad links to Meticore but that doesn’t explain the vinegar bread foot part. I did a reverse image search and the earliest result was from spam site Boredom Therapy but I couldn’t confirm that was the original source. Then I noticed the little logo in the bottom right corner of the full image, cropped it down to just the logo and found out it was the old logo for LittleThings, another spammy “lifestyle” site. I found the bread foot image on the LittleThings website from an article titled “Wrap Your Feet In Bread and Saran Wrap To Naturally Remove Yucky Corns and Calluses” that was published in 2016, and the photo was credited to “Celine Haeberly for LittleThings.” Haeberly seems to be a stock image/freelance photographer so it’s not a stretch to say this is probably is in fact the original source of the photo (and definitely the source of the Tumblr ad version since you can see the top of the LittleThings logo still visible in the screenshot).

According to the LittleThings article, placing half a slice of stale bread soaked in apple cider vinegar onto your foot can help get rid of large calluses that go across the heel or ball of your foot. The article recommends using plastic wrap to wrap the bread onto your foot, cover with a sock and leave it on overnight to soften the callus. I have no idea if this actually works but according to HealthLine the acid content in apple cider vinegar does supposedly soften calluses. Take that for what you will.

Conclusion: From the other examples of ads with this same exact text that I found on Facebook, my best estimate is that this ad links to the site for Meticore, which is a weight loss supplement. The “Simple Morning Ritual” is just taking the supplement each morning. The image comes from a completely unrelated article about using bread soaked in apple cider vinegar and wrapped onto your foot with plastic wrap to soften big calluses.

What does it mean? Assuming this is ad is for Meticore, it means Meticore is using completely unrelated eye-catching images to get people to click and view its weird sales pitch video about the secret solution for weight loss that your doctors have been hiding from you or whatever. Or it could just be another ad for a “life hack” site like the ones I’ve covered before, and is just using the Meticore ad text for some reason (maybe even a combination where Meticore’s press releases are published on a life hack site).

You can find all my other non-mobile-game-related Tumblr ad investigations here! Thanks for reading! 🥳

#tumblr ads #weird ads #tumblr ad #let me reblog ads #tumblr #tumblradsdecoded #weight loss tw #food tw #gross tw #fetishization tw #for the madagascar part #sorry if that’s not the right term

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flerponius · 3 years

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Akinator Clone

It all started with Akinator. You know Akinator, right? I’m sure everyone does, but just in case you don’t, it’s was a fun website to waste your time on. You think of a celebrity or fictional character, and an algorithm asks you yes-or-no questions, and tries to figure out who you’re thinking of. Also the mascot is a genie for some reason.

Well, I spent a lot of time on this website, and I’ve had a lot of fun with it, but it seems to be in decline now. The site barely manages to function under the strain of all the ads now, and on mobile it constantly tries to get you to download the paid app. (Also a lot of people complained when they changed the artwork but that never really bothered me so idk.)

So anyway, Akinator had gone downhill, but I still wanted to play (play in heavy quotes cause it's not really a game) something at least similar to it. I looked around on some of those “alternatives to” sites, but the only ones I found were either incredibly dumb, full of popup ads, or more often than not, both. Eventually I found a forum similar to the sites I was checking, where people would also submit things that they’ve found. Most of the websites posted were ones I had already tried, but some were new, and some were even decent.

A while later, I got an alert that someone had posted something in the forum (I had forgot that I had subscribed to it). The message was short: “Sorry for bad English but i find this site. Seem good but simple (no cartoon).” Underneath was a really long url. It started with “https://” which from what little I know about computers means it’s at least slightly safe. The rest was just a bunch of letters and numbers. And I mean a bunch; like a good fifty or sixty. It looked sketchy as hell, but I thought what the fuck, this is a piece of shit laptop anyway and It doesn’t have anything important on it. What’s the worst that could happen?

“simple (no cartoon)” was right. The website was the most basic a website can possibly be (don’t quote me on that). No artwork, no images, no genie staring at his iphone. Just text and buttons. But that also meant no ads. At the top, it said “Think of an item. Press ‘Begin’ when ready.”. I started with something simple: Sans.

“Is your item real?” A typical start. There were three buttons: “Yes”, “No”, and “IDK”. No “Probably” or “Probably not” though. It guessed right in twelve questions. A little more than Akinator (I checked), but still not bad. The site worked a bit differently than Akinator did too. Instead of stopping the questions and actually guessing, It just asked “Is your Item Sans from Undertale?”. When I clicked “Yes”, all it said was “Item recognized. Press any button to begin again”. I tried a few more times, with characters of increasing obscurity. I finally stumped it with Huey from No Evil (go check it out btw it’s on youtube and it’s great), which gave a text prompt: “Item unrecognized. Please submit item name and origin, separated with a semicolon.” Afterwards, just to test it, I tried Huey again. The second time it also didn’t get him, but the third time it did.

Then, just for the hell of it, I decided to try myself. I had tried it on Akinator before, and it eventually guessed right. The algorithm probably just recognized that none of my responses matched a character in the database or something. I figured I might as well test this thing too.

Things started off normal enough: “Is your item real?” “Is your Item a person?” “Is your item a Twitch streamer?” But things started to get weird after it asked “Is your item famous?”, and I said no. Below is an edited transcript of the rest of the game (from memory so it’s probably not one hundred percent accurate):

Game: Does your item live in the USA?

Me: Yes

Game: Does your item live in California?

Me: Yes

Game: Does your item live in northern California?

Me: Yes

I was starting to get nervous, and I don’t know why I kept going.

Game: Does your item live in [my hometown]?

Me: Yes

Game: Does your item live at [the address of the apartment building I live in]?

Me: Yes

Game: Does your item live at [apartment next to mine]?

Me: No

I was seriously starting to freak out now, and I still don’t know why I didn’t just close the fucking laptop.

Game: Does your item live at [my apartment]?

Me: No

Game: Did you answer the previous question honestly?

Me: No

Game: Is your item [my name]?

Me: Yes

This is where I thought it would end, but I was wrong.

Game: Is your item having fun?

Me: IDK

Game: Is your item scared?

Me: Yes

Game: Does your item understand?

Me: No

Game: Does your item want to understand?

Me: IDK

Game: Does your item want to understand?

Me: IDK

Game: Does your item want to understand?

At this point I was scared shitless, and it just kept asking the same question over and over. Eventually, I clicked “No”.

Game: Item unrecognized. Please submit item name and origin, separated with a semicolon.

For some reason, I tried typing something into the text prompt (not my name obviously). Submitting took me to an error page that said “Input rejected.” with nothing else but a button to return to the main page.

I haven't been able to find the site again. I never bookmarked it or copied the url, and when I went back to the forum, the post that I had gotten it from had been deleted by a moderator. I haven’t played Akinator, or left my webcam uncovered since.

#flerps writing #writing #story #original fiction

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masterweaverx · 4 years

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Okay, now it’s time for team JNPR to get Dungeoneering. And first up is our good boy Jaune Arc! All about healing and protection, with just a touch of deviousness. Let’s see what we got.

For this build we want to be mostly basic: armor, shield, sword, and the ability to use them all. Jaune does have the ability to heal and boost his allies, mind, so that’s going to be important. And as much as he’s tall, blonde, and scraggly, he does have an ability to talk to people when he’s not overcome with doubt.

So, point array as per usual, and I’m going to be unconventional and give Jaune 15 points in Wisdom; he’s only really dense when he’s focused on image rather than the person, and once he works through that he’s actually able to make some very good points. Strength is next with 14 points--the dude served as a launching pad for an AMAZON GLADIATOR one time! And we follow that up with Charisma at 13 points, he has a lot of charm when he’s not trying to be suave. Also, we’ll be multiclassing (gasp) so Jaune needs all three of those to be 13 or higher. Constitution gets the 12 point marker, boy has a lot of aura, and Intelligence has 10 points because, well, he’s not dumb but he’s got a lot to catch up on in school. That leaves 8 points for Dexterity, and I mean... Jaune is not nimble. At all.

Variant humans get two ability points they can spend anywhere, so evening out Wisdom to 16 and Charisma to 14 might be useful. They also get a free skill proficiency, and Jaune is good with a guitar, so I figure we’d get Performance (not like we’ll get it anywhere else). And of course there’s a free feat--War Caster lets a character cast spells while their hands are occupied with a sword or shield, plus they have advantage on Constitution saves to keep up concentration spells and they can use spells in their attacks of opportunity. This is an absolute must for Sword/Shielders with a lot of magic and, trust me, Jaune will have a LOT of magic.

Jaune forged his way into Beacon--spoilers, BTW--so we’ll pick up the Charlatan background for him. That gives him proficiencies in Deception, Sleight of Hand, Disguise Kits, and Forgery Kits. It also gives him the False Identity feature, so he has the ability to pass as his cousin from Mexico Vacuo without anybody asking questions, and he can forge documents if he’s seen a copy of them before. I mean, Jaune’s a nice guy and all, but remember that time he suggested the group steal an airship? And his big sister helped him? The Arcs are one heck of a family, I gotta say.

The obvious class choice for Jaune would be Paladin... and that’s exactly what we’re going with. Twelve levels as a Glory Paladin, which gives him proficiency with all weapons, armors, shields, Charisma and Wisdom saving throws, and two more skills. Athletics and Persuasion would be my pick, the guy might fumble a little sometimes but he keeps up with his team when the going gets tough. Multiclassing into Cleric doesn’t give us any new proficiencies, but it does give us access to Cleric spells and a Domain; Solidarity Clerics really fit well with Jaune’s whole thing, so 8 levels of a Solidarity Cleric will round him out.

With those class selections, Jaune has a total of 5 Ability Improvements, which means 10 ability points to spend. I’d suggest putting two points in both Strength and Charisma, bumping them up to 16, and then pouring the remaining six into Constitution for 18 there. Running the numbers that’s 16 in Strength, Charisma, and Wisdom, 18 in Constitution, and 10 and 8 for Intelligence and Dexterity. Not the best in anything, but pretty decent for whatever the party needs.

Paladins get a lot, all things told. Divine sense lets them detect fiends within sixty feet--the Grimm are pretty demonic--and Lay on Hands gives them a pool of five times their Paladin level of HP they can spend to heal a person. Divine Smite, at 12th level, deals 1d8 radiant damage, and Jaune can spend a spell slot to add 1d8+a number of dice equal to the spell slot’s value radiant damage, and gets an extra 1d8 on top of that if he’s attacking a fiend. Grimm. Seriously. Paladins also get a Fighting Style--Protection works great for a shield-bearer--the ability to make one Extra Attack per attack action, and Divine Health that makes them immune to disease. Not poison. That might not come up, but good to clarify.

All Paladins get Auras, which I’m going to clarify now: an Aura in D&D refers to an invisible field of power centered on a person, not the ‘power of the soul’ stuff going on in RWBY. As a 12 level Glory Paladin, Jaune has three Auras that give allies within ten feet of him certain perks. The Aura of Protection gives a bonus equal to his Charisma Modifer to any saving throw, the Aura of Alacrity boosts speed by 10 feet, and the Aura of Courage makes creatures immune to being Frightened. Auras apply to anyone, including their source, so Jaune is able to dodge a lot of damage and rush headfirst into the fray without breaking a sweat, and his pals get to do the same.

There’s also the ability to Channel Divinity, but Clerics have it too. In fact, because Jaune has 8 Cleric levels, he can Channel Divinity twice per short rest, and he gets five options from his Glory oath and Solidarity domain. Turn Undead lets him basically scare away undead (and outright destroy any CR 1 or below automatically). Preserve Life lets him spread up to 5 times his Cleric level HP to creatures in range (so 40 HP). Oketra’s Blessing can let him give +10 to an attack roll of somebody within 30 feet of him, which is great. Peerless Athlete gives him advantage on Athletics and Acrobatics, doubles what he can push around, and increases his jump movement by ten feet, and it lasts ten whole minutes. Inspiring Smite, triggered by his Divine Smite, lets him give 2d8+his Paladin level temporary hit points to anybody within 30 feet, spread how he likes. Have you notices I went heavy on the healing in this build?

Most of the non-spell benefits of Clerics are covered by Channel Divinity, but Solidarity Clerics do get a few unique perks. Jaune can use Solidarity’s Action to Help a person and make a weapon attack as a bonus action, an amount of times equal to his Wisdom modifier per long rest. He also gets Divine Strike, letting him add 1d8 damage to a weapon attack once per turn--and that’s on top of the Divine Smite stuff. And then... there’s the spellcasting...

So here’s the thing: Multiclass casters have a few rules. You can only get spells for each class up to the level of slots that class gives you, BUT you combine the classes to calculate what level caster you are and use that to determine the number of spell slots you actually have. With eight levels in a pure caster class (Cleric) and twelve in a half caster class (Paladin) Jaune has a total Caster level of 14, giving him slots up to level seven... but he can only learn up to level four Cleric spells and level three Paladin spells. Of course he can upcast them--spend a level seven slot to cast a level one spell--and that can increase the power of the spell quite a bit. It’s still a little odd though. Especially since a Cleric’s casting ability is Wisdom, and a Paladin’s is Charisma.

But it gets stranger. Clerics get four cantrips and prepare a number of spells equal to their cleric level plus their wisdom modifier (eleven for Jaune), and Paladins don’t get any cantrips and prepare a number of spells equal to half their level plus their charisma modifier (that’s 10). BUT! Both Oaths and Domains give auto-prepared spells at certain levels that don’t count toward the limit, so Jaune just knows eight spells from the Solidarity Domain and six from the Glory Oath. Well, technically one of the spells he gets for free is on both those lists, but that doesn’t mean he gets special abilities with Guiding Bolt, just that it’s on both those lists... the point is, Jaune has a HUMONGOUS spell list. So here it is.

Cantrips:

Guidance (Cleric) (Concentration)

Mending (Cleric)

Spare the Dying (Cleric)

Word of Radiance (Cleric)

L1 (four slots)

Bless (Solidarity Domain) (Concentration)

Compelled Duel (Paladin)

Cure Wounds (Cleric)

Guiding Bolt (Oath of Glory)

Healing Word (Cleric)

Heroism (Oath of Glory) (Concentration)

Searing Smite (Paladin) (Concentration)

Thunderous Smite (Paladin) (Concentration)

Wrathful Smite (Paladin) (Concentration)

L2 (three slots)

Aid (Solidarity Domain)

Branding Smite (Paladin) (Concentration)

Enhance Ability (Oath of Glory) (Concentration)

Gentle Repose (Cleric)

Lesser Restoration (Paladin)

Magic Weapon (Oath of Glory) (Concentration)

Prayer of Healing (Cleric)

Shield of Faith (Paladin)

Spiritual Weapon (Cleric)

Warding Bond (Solidarity Domain)

L3 (three slots)

Aura of Vitality (Paladin) (Concentration)

Beacon of Hope (Solidarity Domain) (Concentration)

Blinding Smite (Paladin) (Concentration)

Crusader's Mantle (Solidarity Domain) (Concentration)

Dispel Magic (Paladin)

Haste (Oath of Glory) (Concentration)

Life Transference (Cleric)

Mass Healing Word (Cleric)

Motivational Speech (Cleric)

Protection from Energy (Oath of Glory) (Concentration)

Revivify (Cleric)

L4 (three slots)

Aura of Life (Solidarity Domain) (Concentration)

Death Ward (Cleric)

Freedom of Movement (Cleric)

Guardian of Faith (Solidarity Domain)

2 L5 slots, 1 L6 slot, and 1 L7 slot, but no spells of those levels.

Look at that list. Look at it. Jaune has so many ways to help, heal, and boost his allies, and bonus spell slots to up that up to ridiculous levels, and then you add his non-spellcasting class features. Sure, he can only have one concentration spell up at a time, but Gosh Darn It he can keep a group plugging away at a problem for however long it takes. Respect.

So yeah, that’s Jaune.

#RWBY #Dungeons & Dragons #D&D 5E #Jaune Arc #Character Build

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transrightsjimin · 4 years

Text

honestly class consciousness is one hell of a ride bc i didnt think abt it much until more recent years. i told my friend as a kid we were poor nd my mom got so pissed at that, nd i mean shes right that we rly werent as bad off as it could be, the family is just working class. but when you suddenly realize youre not on equal footing w middle class ppl, or ppl like my uncle who is one of the very rare few who started working class and not highly educated nd ended up becoming a millionaire in the US (im still coming for his wallet istg), its suddenly all... oh wait there are ppl whose reality is not this full of hurt and few opportunities.

like, being in a university in one of the most diverse cities in the country nd still having so few poc on it and most poc u meet are international students, and having heard some posh classmates talk abt studying "just like our parents" like it's the most evident thing in the world (while im the only person in the family that did college level, nvm university, and family was super proud, it's not a given to us that you do this!), hearing classmates claim that poverty and class are not really relevant for the netherlands anymore bc you now have the nouveau riche and art is less elitist now, so apparently class is less of a thing?? nd university is just such a wakeup call or a slap in the face bc my primary school was called ghetto, my high school was called ghetto, but then my art college prided itself on being very "diverse" while i had never seen this many white students in one place, and it's even worse for my university.

shit like my brother being in prison all the time when i was younger, my best friend when i was 4 having to move away bc her mom ODed on drugs, living next to a house that had 5 weed plantations in it over the years nd our greek neighbours even got pulled into that mess bc they needed money, living across a 'coffee house' tht stored rifles in it, someone across the street setting his house (and thus half the street bc dutch homes are often connected as one row) on fire, my dad working 50 hours a week as a parcel deliverer bc w less hours he doesnt earn enough, even if the fucking job means carrying 80 kilo boxes up stairs and other bullshit, his stress leading to two TIAs (strokes), my mom being super disabled by many physical impairments nd illness nd still not being granted help in the household bc she had a 'healthy daughter and boyfriend' nd also her being left w/o an income for 2 years, practically every high school friend's mom being disabled in some way, then at my mail delivery job where my coworkers complain abt another deliverer bc it took her 3 months to get back to work again nd they called her ‘lazy‘ for not working immediately despite having multiple illnesses and disabilities bc, and i quote, my colleague said “i’m in my sixties and have arthritis and i’m working too“ dude :// hes literally the person my other colleagues say has had it hard and needs a break, and then those coworkers too need a break nd have disabilities nd are nearing pension age and still doing this work while trying to do household work and all that stuff at the same time. my mom said my cousin’s job (in construction; scaffolder) pays “really good“ (i wonder if its really that much bc it’s apparently around €1700-2700 on average) but that he already gets bad physical complaints from it while hes young nd formerly rly fit and might need to quit soon and then figure something out like studying for something else if possible.

the neighbourhood i used to live in as a baby was ‘too criminal‘ according to my parents so then they moved out to the town next to it into a neighbourhood that was eventually labelled among the top ranked ‘criminal‘ neighbourhoods of the country nd now i live in rotterdam south which is basically seen in the same way bc again, more poverty, more families with migration backgrounds etc. it’s like, you can never escape this negative image unless the whole bunch is gentrified or smth stupid and the poor are pushed to live elsewhere again. and just the whole thing of being at home, being at school, being at work, it’s such a trip bc university is so fucking different to me nd u see all these people there who are quite confident in getting good jobs nd u have business students with rich parents who are already some stupid fucking greenwashing entrepreneur aiming to become a CEO, nd even though ppl at my study w all these artsy ppl, they are generally not upper class, most still seem to be so used to the safety of being middle class and make these huge statements about poverty not really being a thing here.

nd then the whole stress nd anxiety tht my parents passed onto me, partially bc of their trauma nd them being fed up w my ‘laziness’ (executive dysfunction nd burnout lol), partially bc they believe strongly in this workers’ ethic thats strongly in line with capitalism (even if my mom used to be part of a socialist party nd still adheres to many of those ideas) but also with this calvinistic and Rotterdam ( / Rijnmond area) ideology that you need to work hard for the entirety of your life in order to be a decent person, so not so much for an economic payoff or ‘success‘; you just have to work hard. my parents always told me ‘you can rest when you’re dead‘ every single time i mentioned or even implied i was a bit tired and it was frustrating to hear. this mentality is what lead to my dad practically getting two strokes, and to my mom overworking herself nd being taken away by an ambulance on my birthday party, it’s the whole fucking reason i do not like the prospect of work bc it is just so associated w something awful you need to get done and that you need to exhaust yourself on it until you hopefully get pension money, if the govt hopefully doesnt raise the pension age even further than 67. and then you see ppl in uni talk abt fun future “careers” like what the fuck are you talking about? how are you gonna get a job in the arts and culture field in this pandemic? im already happy if im able to find a job and dont have to quit due to disability or a chronic illness that runs in both sides of my family. im sorry im being so negative but im stressed about jobs and i think i went on a tangent today all bc i saw one post abt being scared of PE classes nd my mind went to bad places. this is ok to rb or reply to btw, as long as youre a mutual

#i rly dont mean to whine or anything but its just wild how normalized this shit is #i hate capitalism i rly hate it dude #rambles

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belphegor1982 · 4 years

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AND ALSO THAT TIME YOU KILLED PHIL

I’m never gonna live that one down, am I :D Okay, let’s go.

He always says it, and Lawrence always shrugs. It’s almost becomean in-joke now.

The prompt was “You don’t have to stay”, and I have no idea why my mind conjured the image of Spy (at the end of a long, eventful life) in a hospital bed saying this to Sniper. But once it took hold it wouldn’t let go. And, y’know, for all that I love writing humour, banter, and/or fluff, sometimes I just have to let rip with the brutal down-to-earth feels. Like when I wrote If.

Of the two of them, it’s hard to say who hates hospitals the most,so Philippe is always grateful when Lawrence comes to visit. Usuallyhe comes alone, but sometimes one of his grandnephews or nieces comeswith him, Lizzie’s and Christian’s kids and grandkids, of course! and the conversation is livelier and dwells less on thepast, which is just as well. Their past is splattered with litres andlitres of blood, half of it their own.

Spy is French and, I suspect, remains French in certain aspects of his life. Hence the using “litres” instead of “galleons”. Also, while the premise of TF2 is “a bunch of cheerful dumb psychos who can’t die killing each other for a paycheck” - classic video game fare, and goofy as hell - the implications are interesting. By “implications” I mean “possible PTSD” and by “interesting” I mean “fun to explore through writing/torturing characters”, naturally.

Does killing people for a living make you a murderer when said deadpeople keep coming back for more the very next day? Philippe haspondered this more often than not, these past few years. Sometimes,instead of asking himself, he asks Lawrence, because he’s the onlyone left he can ask, but Lawrence has no answer of his own.

See what I mean about the premise? Hence my taking crack seriously. It’s a reasonably good question, too - it makes you an assassin, but does it make you a murderer if you know the people you keep killing keep coming back?

(They’re not the last ones left, but it certainly feels like it.Scout’s in Boston and Miss Pauling lives in Louisiana and theyhardly see each other any more. Sometimes they Skype. Ever sincePhilippe checked into the hospital he’s refused to do anything morethan chat, though.)

TF2 is set in the 1960s/early 1970s. That means this snippet is set in the late 2000s/early 2010s. Notice how Scout and Pauling are the youngest? This is why they’re the only ones left. And the reason why Spy doesn’t want to Skype since he’s checked into the hospital is because he’s wasting away, knows he’s not coming out alive, and refuses to appear as weak/leave a bad impression of him in their memories. Or, how vanity can make you sad instead of making you want to roll your eyes. (but you do anyway.)

* * *

“You don’t have to stay, you know.”

“That’s all right, I don’t have anywhere else I need to be tillsixteen hundred.”

Sniper spends a lot of time in that hospital.

They still use military time. It reminds them of the bad old days andthe way Soldier – ironically enough – never got the hang of it.

Don’t tell me Jane Doe would understand military time :D was he even in the military in the first place? Also, this is just funny to me, because in France we use a version of that to tell the time. 1PM is “13 heures”, 8PM is “20 heures” (but midnight is “minuit”).

Philippe still uses the metric system in his head, come to think ofit.

As I said, for some things he remains 100% French.

When it comes to plunging your knife into someone’s back with theintention of causing as much damage as possible, a centimetre willalways be more precise than an inch.

…and that’s also a factor.

* * *

Philippe stays at the hospital. Lawrence stays at his side.

He brings him news of his nephews and nieces (Lizzie’s andChristian’s kids) and their children, and it’s a treat, watchinghim awkwardly sliding the photos on his phones with his huge, bonyfingers. He loves technology – has a ridiculous amount of apps onhis phone – but the emphasis on touch screens lately annoys him.

I didn’t want to go the obvious route and make old!Lawrence a grumpy curmudgeon with no technological skills. But I liked the idea of him being grumpy because his fingers are getting a little stiff with age and he prefers buttons to touch screens. My dad is the same, btw.

Philippe hasn’t touched his own phone in a couple of days. Justpicking it up seemed like too much of an effort.

* * *

“You don’t have to stay.”

Hey, notice how the last time this sentence pops up it’s just a little different? :3

“Keep that up, spook, and I’ll end up believin’ I’minterrupting something each time I come in. Is it that red-hairednurse, ya know, the one with the freckles?”

I purposely didn’t specify the gender of the nurse. That’s because 1) I like the idea of Phil being bi and 2) at the time I wasn’t 100% sure - and didn’t want to decide for the readers, Chaos in particular - whether he and Law were a couple or really close friends. That’s for you to decide. They 100% are each other’s family, though.

Lawrence’s voice is low on purpose, even as he’s gently ribbinghim. Philippe murmurs because his chest feels like a slab ofconcrete.

Or a slab of stone. Like the kind they put on people’s graves.

What can I say? I love wordplay. In this instance it’s effective.

“No.”

“Ah well. Thought he liked ya. I was all ready to get jealous andeverythin’, too.”

He’s ribbing him, of course, as Phil is a little too far gone for Lawrence to get jealous - but again, I deliberately kept the nature of their relationship vague.

Lawrence’s slight smile – the sort that says ‘Come on, playalong’ – is warm and gentle, and it makes Philippe almost not saywhat he means to say.

Almost.

Okay, truth: this was the point I knew death was imminent.

“Lawrence…”

Even whispering is an effort. Putain de cigarettes.

“Fucking cigarettes”. I usually put translations when I write in other languages but I thought this one was obvious enough.

“Yeah?”

“Could you… look away, please? For a… moment.”

There’s a French series called Lazy Company, about a handful of idiots through the Battle of Normandy; it’s three seasons of 10 episodes and while hilarious is a big case of Cerebus Syndrome and mood whiplash. In one of the last episodes, one of the main characters is shot and another character is there for them, but the dying character asks them to look away as he dies. It’s not for the same reasons at all, but it was such a powerful moment that it stayed with me a long time, and was still on my mind when I wrote this.

Lawrence says nothing, but his eyes narrow.

“It’s just… I need… intimacy.” Suddenly he’s not sureit’s the right word. He’s been speaking almost exclusivelyEnglish for over fifty or sixty years; words usually flow withoutthinking. But right now he has thrown his whole body into the laststruggle, and it’s an effort that dwarfs all others, including thesearch for vocabulary.

Do you know the worst part of being bilingual? You end up searching for words in both languages, especially when you’re tired. Incidentally, I love writing characters who speak more than one language, especially if they live in an environment where they have to speak a second language.

Lawrence still squints at him silently, as though he’s waiting foran explanation. Philippe isn’t sure he’ll hear the end.

“T—thank you. For staying. Thank you. But…”

They’ve dealt death so many times, the two of them; they’ve diedso many times, too, whether in the heat and chaos of battle or curledup on themselves, bleeding to death in a corner. They’ve never diedalone. There’s always been someone – the enemy standing overthem, allies running towards them in a last ditch attempt at rescue,their comrades’ and the Administrator’s voice in their earpieces…

Again, crack taken seriously. Usually in fiction, dying alone is about the worst fate a dying character can meet: there’s just something about facing that pain and that terrifying unknown without the comfort of a fellow human being that’s heartbreaking. But when your life used to be death, repeatedly, with someone ALWAYS watching you or listening to you… Well, I thought Phil might see dying without someone else’s eyes on him for once as going out with dignity.

And then there is the other sort of death that Philippe saw wellbefore that, the slow death of the human mind as he strugglednot to turn into a living shadow because it was just one step awayfrom the corpses the SS guards cleared off the ground as though theywere refuse.

Look, Em, I don’t know when you got the idea that Spy was a death camp survivor, but you pulled it off magnificently and when I think of TF2 it’s your version that comes to my mind first. So - Phil has seen that kind of impersonal, industrial death (mental and physical) before the violent, repeated kind of his chosen profession. I used the reminder to segue into the next idea:

Philippe has never seen death as being dignified and intimate. He’sseen way too much of it for that. But if this is to be the end, he’llbe damned if he doesn’t do this on his own terms.

And that’s what this is about. Dying with dignity, side by side with a friend who doesn’t think any less of you for not fighting one more minute and allows you the respect of not prying while staying and holding your hand.

Lawrence stares at him, waiting for the rest of the sentence. ButPhilippe is struggling for breath now, not vocabulary. So Lawrencenods slowly, takes his limp, emaciated hand in his own, big andgangly and calloused, and resolutely turns his head right, towardsthe window.

It’s not a bad sight.

I’m usually pretty uptight about third-person limited PoVs, and only switch PoVs after a dash or something else that makes it clear you’re seeing the action through the eyes of a different character. In this instance, though, I didn’t, and made the switch from Phil’s to Law’s mind just as Phil passes away.

Philippe’s hand twitches at some point. Lawrence waits a littlebefore looking down again.

Then he reaches out and slowly, gently, closes the half-open eyes.

The reason I didn’t write tears was because I thought I didn’t need to. Which also means you’re free to imagine whatever you want. Is Lawrence crying? Will he cry later, when it sinks in? Yes.

Whew, this was A Lot to revisit :D

#fic commentary #mercenaries of chaos #ask reply #TF2 #thatsoneginger

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thelimeonade · 5 years

Text

Tag Game! 15 for 15

Rules: Answer 15 questions as either yourself or one of your OCs, then tag 15 people.

Thank you so much @mvcreates for the tag! I love your blog btw

Tagging (you don’t have to do it if you do not feel like it): @mediocre-prose @farrradays @adenhamcreations @atbwrites @thescribesloft @knightedwriter @selcouth-descendant @power-of-ages-writeblr @anonymous-ivplay @paige5462 @hollie-writes @juliawritesbooks @lemonayyyyyde @onedayillwriteabook @haroldosaur

Going to answer this as Tut from Extinct Galactic:

A bit of warning though!!! This is not ‘using somebody’s identity’ as a book character! This Tut is an entirely different person than the actual King Tut! (also I got a permission slip to do this so fight me!)

1. What is your full name?

Well [He pulls out a long scroll from the pocket of his hoodie and clears his throat.] I will not read all of those because “ain’t nobody got time for that” [He throws the scroll over his shoulder.] My name is Amun Tutankh

[One of the other characters: shouldn’t it be Tutankhamun?]

Well, that’s because you lot are disrespectful. You say the god’s name first then your own name.

2. What does your name mean?

Well what was in the scroll that we just disposed of is all of my titles and names but the full name we speak of – Amun Tutankh – means ‘The living image of Amun’ in Ancient Egyptian.

3. What are your other names\ nickname?

[Shrugs.] Tut

[One of the other characters: It fits you perfectly because it rhymes with butt and you are an ass!]

You little fucking sh– [This part was censored because Tut has a toilet for a mouth.]

4. What is your gender?

Male... [Looks down at his lap then back at us and says with much more confidence..] Male!

5. What is your sexuality?

Straight as an obelisk.

6. Where are you from?

Well I was born in Egypt but my people originated from a galaxy far away called Ellumina.

7. How old are you?

[Tapping vigorously on calculator.] three-thousand, three-hundred and sixty Dunam years old! But I still look Eighteen! [Winks.]

8. What is your magic form\ species?

[Shifts uncomfortably in chair.] Well, this is not a topic you speak of. My specie is Elluminum. My magical form is technically my regular Dunam and Elluminum forms. My cursed form is mummified.

9. What does your human form look like?

Sexy. As. Fuck!

Bitch, have you seen my jawline? my eyes? Heterochromia suits me perfectly and it makes the world fall in love with me.

10. What’s your aesthetic?

[Points at golden accents in the jacket he is wearing, gold stud earrings, black and gold shoes, gold mask, gold sarcophagus, gold everything. Waves hands around at all the gold.] Do I really have to say?

11. Who is your best friend?

Ay!

[Another character: What?]

Ay!

[Character: A pirate?]

No!! His name is Ay. [Crosses arms mumbling sadly.] Nobody understands me... Also, I guess Aximus is a good-enough friend.

[Aximus in the background: Gee... thanks...]

Also Wisher because she understands my Ancient Egyptian rambling.

[Wisher throws peace signs with her hands then dabs.]

12. Would you ever get a tattoo\ piercing?

[Points at the gold stud earrings.] Already got piercings! As for the tattoo, I would fucking love one! But in Ellumina you have to earn your tattoos so I am currently working on that.

13. When are you happiest?

When I am eating Cheetos. Also when I am asleep.

14. What is your biggest secret?

[Tugs leather gloves off and shows us his mummified skeletal hands.] I cannot fully manifest in this form... my hands always give away what I am.

15. What was your first impression of Alys?

Who the fuck is Alys?

#Extinct Galactic #thelimeonade #writers #writing #witer #writeblr #excerpt from a book i'll never write #write #writers on tumblr #excerpt from a story i'll never write #excerpt from a book i'm writing #excerpt

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warmbeebosoftbeebo · 5 years

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hey, this isn't meant in an angry way or anything at all, I just wanted to know why you think my comment about the term "same sex attraction" being outdated and exclusive is homophobic. I know a lot of people I've seen/spoken to in the community don't like the term and my personal reasoning/disliking behind it is that it tends to lead people to believe sex equates gender and excludes members of the trans community and thus has been used to invalidate my gender and sexuality by people before.

homosexuals are 2-4% of the population, remain criminalized in many parts of the world, and face violence consistently throughout it, esp from males, due to their same sex attraction. for a start, may i suggest googling corrective rape. gay liberation, lesbian feminism, the homophile movement of the 50s-early sixties, etc are founded based in a shared experience of same sex attraction, of experiencing bigotry, violence, criminalization, dehumanization, etc based on said longing for the same sex to the exclusion of the other/opposite sex. for centuries to millenia, depending on what part of the world we’re discussing/how long organized patriarchy has been a part of it, homosexual men and women have been subject to torture, conversion therapy, death, rape, etc for this exclusive, outdated desire.

i can get behind the idea that gay is an umbrella term for same sex attraction, including bisexuals when their same sex attraction is relevant eg same sex relationship, same sex crushes, etc. call yourself queer or bi or pan or pomosexual or whatnot all you [general you] want but don’t take the definition of homosexuality away from homosexuals, the specificity of gay as a term for same sex desire away from the people who fought for the word, for pride and joy in their desire and passion and love. this is a great example of old school gay lib sexual politics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgN_iZLJTMs also, doing a google image search of gay liberation gives a good taste of it too.

that last one entwines the male and female symbols. there’s a few variations. one has two linked male symbols and two linked female ones, no interlocking between the sexes. another has a female symbol one linked to female symbol two, which is linked to male symbol one, which is linked to male symbol two. so one is only linked to a person of the same sex, and the other is linked to the same and the other sex. homosexuality and bisexuality represented together, under gay. the above one could be taken to be all around bisexuality, and/or of how they want men and women to have justice/equality, the unity of oppressions, the similarities between different revolutionary struggles, etc.

i could only find a small version so far

something re gay that really gets my goat is people using it to refer to an aesthetic, fashion, even fucking noises wtf, that have little to do with an organic outgrowth of culture built by gays/gay enclaves, or to refer to any attraction/crush in general eg a female calling her attraction to a male gay. that’s not gay, that’s heterosexual, even if you [again general you] want to peg his sweet ass into next week, or have him go down on you till you can’t think, or for him to be your sweet good boy, or rub off on which ever part of him you please, or rim him, or for sex to centre on your pleasure and comfort and orgasms…. gay is not a quirky flourish of fashion or pop culture or fandom or whatever. it means same sex desire.

n calling female desire for males that’s not typical within porn/porn culture/pop culture/religion gay implies that that desire is so bizarre, strange, wrong, unnatural for the natural order of heterosex that it must not be heterosexual, but homosexual. that heterosexual desire can only occur within certain narrow parameters of male dom/female sub, male sadism/female submission, female risk, sex centred on male pleasure/the penis, etc. [btw, there is actually a history of that in sex research, eg of calling females mounting males and males presenting themselves to females for mounting homosexual. those homophobic, sexist, gender role loving researchers found it quite disturbing.]

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sineala · 7 years

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Sine, Sine! I'm sorry to bother you, but do you have any good tips for writing 616 Tony! I just love your characterization so much :)

Oh, boy, an opportunity to talk about my fave! I was actually sitting here thinking, gosh, I hope someone asks me to write meta about my favorite characters sometime soon! And then you did, so thank you, anon! (And thank you, I’m glad you like my characterization.)

Uh. This got long.

I don’t know if what you want are tips on writing 616 Tony as distinct from other Tonys, or 616 Tony as distinct from other people in his universe, but I will try to hit both.

If you haven’t read Elspethdixon’s 616 Steve/Tony ship manifesto, you really should, because it contains the most important tip for writing 616 Tony, namely: Tony hates himself. A lot. Self-loathing is the background radiation of Tony Stark’s life.

The second most important thing, which you will also learn from that ship manifesto, and which you already knew, is that Tony Stark has a suit of Iron Man armor. Now, in MCU, we know that the way this goes is that Tony spends most of his life fucking around and being rich and wasted and making weapons until he gets captured in Afghanistan, takes a bunch of shrapnel to the chest, and decides to devote himself to superheroing. He has a secret identity that lasts… until the end of Iron Man 1. He is Iron Man, and it’s made him reevaluate his life. Also, he probably doesn’t hate himself. As much. I will leave that discussion to people who are more into MCU than I am.

616 Tony, on the other hand, becomes Iron Man when he’s really, really young. Like, early twenties. He doesn’t spend decades in dissolution. Vietnam is his impetus to become a superhero, yes, but it’s really not the same thing at all. By the time we get to modern canon this means he’s spent basically his entire adult life being a responsible superhero, and now he’s busy mentoring the next generation of superheroes – Kamala, Sam, and Miles while he was alive, and Riri now that he’s dead. (”Dead.” Comatose. Whatever.)

But the way that Tony’s self-loathing intersects with Iron Man is that he does the secret identity thing. No one knows. No one knows for years. Even after Steve finds out in the early 80s, most of the team doesn’t know for at least a decade after that. The public doesn’t find out until the early 2000s. (Twice. It’s complicated.) So even if you look at him now and see a guy with a public identity, you should realize that this is a very recent development in his life.

A lot of superheroes have tension between their caped and non-caped identities. Steve, for example, has a bunch of angst about trying to be Steve Rogers, a regular guy, versus Captain America, and how to live up to that, and how much of a regular life he should try to have. This is not Tony’s problem, as Tony’s regular life is… pretty out of the ordinary, as these things go. No, Tony uses his identity as Iron Man to fuel his self-loathing.

Iron Man is a hero. Iron Man saves people. Everything that is good about Tony, Tony puts in a box and calls it Iron Man. He compartmentalizes. (I could probably write a whole other post about how Tony’s a control freak.) Iron Man’s fine, and Tony develops a drinking problem. (Demon In A Bottle actually happened while Tony had a secret identity, and included him deciding that he was sick of being Tony Stark and was just going to be Iron Man.) While with someone else it might not be a bad thing to say that Iron Man is all the best parts of him… that doesn’t leave a lot to be Tony. And he doesn’t really like the parts that are left.

However, I think Tony Stark is still a really good guy. I mean, early canon is early canon, sure, but even as a boss he’s always depicted as, basically, the most benevolent face of capitalism you could possibly imagine. Like, the fantasy job that was available in the fifties and sixties where a dude could support a family of four and buy a nice house in the suburbs and then retire with a generous pension? A SI job is clearly that job. He knows his employees’ names, all of them, and he just seems deeply concerned about them, all the time. And, hey, how about that time he let the Avengers move into his house and never leave, huh? :)

Also he’s… not really a playboy, as I would use the term. During the early years, when he was dependent on the chestplate, he certainly used it as a cover, and we see him deliberately keeping himself from getting close to people because he was just going to die and make them sad (no really), as well as presumably to preserve his identity. We see him wishing that he could get closer to people because he has so much love to give! In the romantic relationships we’ve seen him in, he’s generally very devoted, occasionally more than the other person is, occasionally to the point of creepiness. (Okay, that’s not really one of his best traits.) He falls hard and fast. He just falls in love a lot. He sincerely does. He’s a romantic, even if his persona says otherwise. So, yeah, he has a public persona. Tony Stark is a public persona. It’s pretty evident that that’s not really him, either.

He’s not as quippy as MCU Tony, or as all-around warm-and-fuzzy nice as AA or MA:A Tony, or as utterly flamboyantly campy as Ults Tony (although, man, if you want to talk about drinking problems, go see Ults Tony). If you’re writing his internal voice, I tend to go with a fair amount of obscenities (more than Steve, anyway), and bring your science metaphors to the party if you got ‘em.

But, yeah, the self-loathing. I like to joke that you can tell it’s a good Iron Man comic if Tony is naked and crying, possibly in the rain, because he thinks none of his friends love him. (By this criterion, Iron Age and Execute Program are very good.) Possibly contingent upon the self-loathing, he never passes up an opportunity for self-sacrifice. Sure, any superhero worth his or her salt will happily die to save others – it’s part of the character type – but they all have to get in line behind Tony, who will be there killing himself first. Possibly several times. As many times as it takes. You know that moment in Red Zone where Tony rips off his helmet, exposing himself to deadly flesh-eating bacteria, to give Steve CPR and save Steve’s life, because Captain America is more important than him? That’s Tony Stark. I will also once again point to Execute Program, where Tony literally stops his heart to save Steve. He really likes killing himself for Steve.

I guess other than the self-loathing the main trait I think of as characteristic of 616 Tony is the sense of responsibility, and yeah, I do mean that in the Spider-Man “with great power” sense. He’s a founding Avenger. He knows what he’s doing. If you’re writing an MCU or an Ults story, say, there are a lot of things you could put the Avengers or the Ultimates up against that they’ve never seen before, and they might freak out. Just a little. (When the Ultimates first fight the Chitauri, Tony nearly gives up. He’s just a regular guy. He’s having a hard time dealing with this stuff.) But the thing about 616 is that it’s going to take a lot to make the Avengers, and by extension 616 Tony, freak out about anything. Their lives are weird. So, yeah, he’s seen it all, he’s vastly experienced, he’s been a professional superhero for ten or twelve years now – which, unlike in MCU, means it’s more or less his whole adult life – and he’s going to step up and take charge and do whatever needs to be done.

As an illustration of both his sense of responsibility and the degree to which he regards Tony and Iron Man as two different people, I want to point you to Iron Man v3, the Secretary of Defense arc. Following Red Zone, in which it was revealed that the Red Skull was the previous Secretary of Defense (616 governments are terrifying, okay?), Tony has been nominated to replace him. And we see his Senate hearing, and one of the senators has reservations about Tony’s suitability, based on his public persona. (This arc happens shortly after the first time the public learns Tony is Iron Man.) And this is Tony’s response:

Senator: We can’t let you loose in the Pentagon. You’ll turn it into a cult of personality and you’ll never listen to this body again! You’re too smart for school, Mr. Stark. You make up your own rules. For legal behavior. For being honest with people. I won’t even get into your personal life…

Tony: Is there a question in there, Senator?

Senator: It’s all a question! Why should anyone think that Tony Stark would put this nation’s safety before his own personal aggrandizement?

Tony: Because I’ve been doing that for years! Because I’m Iron Man – and I never ONCE took the credit!

Senator: What exactly do you mean, Mr. Stark?

Tony: Just what I said, Senator. “I’m Iron Man – and I never took the credit.”

Tony: Did I try to associate his positive image with my companies? Yes, I did. But that’s all. I never, ever asked for a direct reward for anything I ever did as Iron Man.

Tony: And for every life I told you I saved as Iron Man, there are tens – hundreds – that I’ve kept to myself. To save lives, I have traveled far. Farther than any of you will ever go. I have traveled to dark places. All alone, away from anyone who could see, hear, or help. I have staved off threats that you will never, ever hear about. The simple knowledge of them would wreak more fear and ruin on the world than I could ever hope to gain from them.

Tony: Yes, Tony Stark is Iron Man. But Iron Man is not about Tony Stark. Iron Man is about everyone else… and if Tony Stark is Defense Secretary, it’ll work the same way. That’s all I have to say. Thank you.

(This is IM v3 #76 & #78, BTW. We get half the speech during the hearing, and then half in boxes later while we see Iron Man risking his life to save people. Tony gets the SecDef job.)

So I think that speech basically sums up 616 Tony. He’s Iron Man, and he never took the credit. And that’s who 616 Tony Stark is, to me. It’s not just that he’s about accountability, as the MCU arc goes; it’s true that he’s also about accountability, but he’s about accountability not as something he’s finally learned but as a part of the core of his character from the very beginning, as a part of being responsible and doing the right thing and saving people. And not needing to take the credit.

I hope that helps answer your question!

#Anonymous #replies

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ggiame · 7 years

Text

all the stuff under the cut

Everything is wrong at the moment, its 70 degrees in february, DT is president, and everything just seems transitional and out of place and temporary. I have 6 jobs right now. im working all the time and yet theres no money. i dont know. just having one of those weird surreal chunks of weeks that im trying to capture with a long text post on a public forum. here we go.

(heads up, me and my therapist named and externalized my anxiety into a character I call ‘chanel’ after the terrible ex and I quote her for clarities sake when ‘quoting’ my anxiety. so yeah. thats who chanel is)

money:

none, somehow.

work:

float sixty, leghorn chicken, aloft reception, pole teaching, online tutor, property manager, and also segway is coming back and also maybe still street performing? dude.

okay highlights version

F60: my boss is Lia, a White Lady who used to work in the beauty industry and is On. a. Diet. She is neurotic and perfectionistic but also a weird hippie which is an odd combination of traits i happen to understand well so we get along nicely. She likes me and I like her. All of my co workers seem cool. Also There is a Cute Boy there who i know next to nothing about.

LH: wow okay its food service but i really like my co workers and also the food is decent but not addicting and i do make some tips. Im making friends there the fastest but its also the job im least attached to. conflicting feelings.

Prop Man: oh my god. rats. broken washing machines. broken stoves. intrigue. sabotage. tune in sundays at 8/7c

My family was joking yesterday that i have the “Karlin Family Work Ethic” and that i was doing too much but somehow i still feel like a lazy, useless, slug who should really just work a little harder. Weird.

The injury-----

The elbow is healing relatively fast. it still feels like a year and a day since i last climbed a rope. its probably two weeks out from being -mostly- functional. right now its int htat good enough for life but not for circus zone. Also now im kinda scared of going back up a rope. which is. not. good. but ill deal with when i get there. fear is the worst. ugh.

FeElings-------------

Okay theres a lot of relationship feelings stirring around in my life despite the fact that i have no significant other and here’s why.

boys:

east coast boy- just as bad at keeping in itstouch as I am. is still wonderful. but its been so long theres really only echoes left.

west coast boy: all that weird buildup for an extremely short lived fling that did next to nothing to release all that pent up wierdness. it continues. This boy is much better at keeping in contact. its getting harder for me to keep talking to him as it gets clearer that neither of us is going anywhere soon.

work boy: cute, seems cool, but i have no idea who he is at all.

tinder boy: i like him a lot, but im not attracted to him yet and i dont want to do that to another person. also can i make myself be attracted to someone? thats playing with too many things. no answers yet. needs more pondering.

Other work boy: Chanel “he did not come to the diner with you on valentines day. has not liked any of your social media posts. probably hates you and also thinks youre ugly. its okay you probably wont see him for another two months.”

Girls and others:

Theres a couple straight girls im into and we all know how that goes. They have boyfriends. it sucks.

the circus one:i havent seen this person in a frustratingly long time. dammit.

also im still afraid of flirting with girls because of Amber Chanel B. the Ex from Hell. which is super awesome.

not.

The Room Mate:

1) is mysterious and doesnt say much

2) is clearly in a bad mood a lot. cause shes working sleeping or working out and never gets a second to herself.

3) which totally means that shes mad AT ME ALL THE TIME

4) and she has taken this super central place in my anxiety tornado which I am now worried that she is aware of and annoyed by. which is also part of the tornado. yeah.

The pot:

wow i started to get into serious problem territory this past month and i felt it building up to the moment. which happened a few days ago. i came to this conclusion

- I have the capabilities of controling and being responsible with my drug usage but my situation right now is making that difficult. The next time i end up on solid emotional ground ill stop until the cravings go away.-

and here i am. the good weather is helping a lot and i finally felt ready to cut myself off for a while, so i smoked it all and now im out and well see how this goes.

Bonus---Musings on hunger and stuff-----

So body talk.

Ive been injured and unable to exercise the way i like

ive taken a job in a fried chicken place.

so yeah i have some weight gain and acne and loss of muscle tone and its making my body image issues flare up. So ive been doing okay and I havent made myself vomit but I have been eating noticeably less and ive started to just kinda let myself be hungry more which is something i had forgotten about.

and then i was thinking about it and I realize that im part of this weird subgroup of extremely priveleged people who also know what its like not to eat for 3 days at a time, or what its like to eat less than a thousand calories a day for more that a month, and that I got complimented for what that did to me. I would sleep through classes and almost pass out when i stood up all the time but i weighted 105 pounds and everyone said i looked great. its a weird thing especially cause it was never really about how I looked, and was entirely about trying to control myself when i have needs that are at odds with my situation.

Then i thought about last year when i was training so much that my body could not get enough food, but my anxiety and depression were at such a place that I could barely eat, and the way that kind of hunger was different. I had never vomited from hunger before but I got to find out what that was like. That was where the weed problem really started btw cause if I hadnt had pot last year I would not have eaten at all and would probably be dead. Having anxiety so bad that your stomach clenching makes you nauseous and then you get nauseous with hunger on top of that and then you have to fly to ankansas to be at your fav cousins wedding and manage to pull it off and not be a zombie. whew.

Also I would like to thank lin manuel miranda because (along with pot) Hamilton is what got me through that experience.

yeah.

thats all for now.

#TMI #body stuff #life stuff #boy stuff #girl stuff #all the stuff #journal

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