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nosferatyou · 4 years

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If I Can Be So Bold: Chapter 4 (Jack White x OC)

Summary: A time line of Lee’s life after a certain event. Chock full of hardships, odd music choices, and the FBI watchlist. Overall an incredibly important chapter.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, cursing, frank iero

NOTES: Fuck. Its been a while hasnt it? schools a bitch. anyways i thought this was the best way to move the story along. Besides the early days werent really important. well it was, but it was th lead up. Still I think this is pretty damn good. Took me for fuckin ever. I hope you enjoy!

I think I could’ve saved myself from more heartbreak if I just stopped fucking the man that was slowly breaking me, sparing me from the years of emptiness I just floated through. We could’ve only been friends and ended it at that, but I fell in love with him.

It took me a year to realize id made the biggest mistake of my life. He was my mistake. I saw all this like I did relish every moment we had together, like every time he kissed me, I felt my chest grow warm. I never had a bad moment with him. When we fucked it was just me and him, which is so incredibly cheesy, but when you’re that intoxicated by the touch of another, its all you can think about. Nothing else existed. Bad breakups, a growing rift in old friends, the unpaid bills sitting on your counter. The truth. It genuinely was witchcraft on his end. I think the songs he wrote when we were together were actually just love spells.

This went on for a year. I waited for him and meg when they went to the meeting that landed them their first studio album. Hell, I even taught him slide and played on their track “Suzy Lee.” Looking back at that moment always makes me laugh, the irony of it all, how I shielded myself from any truths. I think I realized I loved him when I opened my apartment door to see him with freshly cut hair. The sides shaved, the red just as wild as always but dyed a firetruck red. To this day, its the worst haircut I’ve ever seen someone get, and that day I died with laughter. He was always so confident in his looks, but that day he was in a panic. I had to console him and try to convince him it wasn’t that bad.

“Rosie, it looks like someone glued fake fur to the top of my head.”

The both of us sat cross-legged across from each other on the bed, trying to assess the damage. He couldn’t stop fidgeting. Fixing any loose hairs, which was the entirety of his hair. I scooted forward and played with it, trying to find any feasible angles.

“Jacky, it’s not that bad, it looks quite handsome from this angle.” I pretended to style it. There was no fixing it, but I could boost his ego to last until it grew back.

He grabbed the hand mirror sitting next to him and tried every angle. Worry had found its way into

every part of his face.

“Mmm well, I guess it’s not as bad as I thought,” He couldn’t stop touching it. “Thanks, Rosie.” He smiled at me the same way he always did, lips pulled tight, making his face scrunch up with those warm eyes.

I still looked at him and saw the most handsome man, even with that ridiculous haircut.

It never took much to convince him of something or to do something for that matter. If you put any liquid in his hand he’d drink it, I think I watched him drink hand sanitizer on a dare made by Ben. I never convinced him to go on a date with me, though. We always spent our time alone together, holed up in my room. Though back then, I always considered our late-night solo show adventures a good filler. He never noticed how happy they made me. That should’ve been a red flag, but they always just look like flags in rose-colored glasses. I seemed to be an expert at collecting red flags. I convinced myself for years that my time with my ex back in Nashville was normal.

Harriet pulled my head out of ass, though, and brought me here. To more red flags. It’s funny how completely opposite the two of them are. Jack and John (John and John if you want to get technical). John, at first, took me everywhere. He knew everyone and could get in anywhere. He showed me off and always made it clear who he was with. Once he had me fully wrapped around his finger, and we were living together, it switched. I wasn’t allowed to go out, not without his permission. I couldn’t talk to anyone except my bandmates, that was limited too. He held my playing shows above my head. If I was “good,” I could play under his supervision. I mean, he managed our band, he always knew our every move. It’s easy to misconstrue love, confuse what possession is. I was his pet, his thing to show off and shove in a closet until he needed me again. It took years to notice that it wasn’t okay.

The beginning is always just so intoxicating.

Jack just had this air to him, that same confidence as john. He knew he was talented and certainly knew he was good looking. The difference is Jack is humble. He could barely take a complaint from me, and as he grew, he didn’t know how to handle the attention. He didn’t lavish in it as John had, as short-lived as his attention was. Jack and I hid away, our confessions of our true feelings hiding on lyric sheets feet away from the other. That made my want stronger, I never felt I could have him, but we were so close it almost felt like I could have him. Its that moment, though, when you stare at each other with such love and warmth, faces growing so close you could feel their body heat. Your so close you can almost taste it, and that’s the moment he leaves. We didn’t cuddle. We weren’t affectionate. It was his choice. He left after tender moments, he left before breakfast, and he left before we finished the last verse of our song. We never were anything, and we never got anywhere. Me being me, it never was a thought in my mind. My judgment was clouded every time he looked at me with those eyes that pulled me in the first time.

While we grew closer, nothing ever changed, he came over, we fucked, and then wrote together. Sharing the same Camel pack every time. I never thought he shared my feelings for him. He never showed it. He was as open as he was closed. He only let you see what he wanted. That was until me, and the girls were all hanging around during a White Stripes practice. Which was quite common. We all watched each other play, testers for anything new that we cooked up. Meg was weirdly good at knowing what riffs people would like. She always was smarter than any of us would ever be.

That day Jack introduced a new song. It wasn’t entirely new to me. I taught him the parts, I always played the solos. He never quite got it back then. I was overjoyed to finally hear it. None of the girls were too focused on them. They always got stupid high. Jack and Meg’s landlord didn’t quite care if they smoked, not that ever did, though. It was a slower song, and a lot of work was put into it. Knowing him, the lyrics always had just as much care.

He refused to meet my eyes. He didn’t look at me once. His eyes quickly flipping between the wall behind me and his guitar. It was very, obviously intentional. He was a storyteller, he always did it so carefully in songs, hiding the message. This seemed incredibly open. Too obvious. He was hesitant. It wasn’t until the “Chorus” (it could barely be called a chorus) that he started to get a bit more confident. It was apparent he had a lot to say.

Miss Suzy lee

The one I'm speaking of

The question is

Is she the one I love?

That made my ears perk up, my eyes locked onto the floor. Why was I afraid to look at him?

Maybe I was thinking about it too much. My hope tends to get the best of me. Still, this pit in my stomach was growing with each note he played.

She sent me flowers

The name of an incredibly sappy song I showed him

With her tears burned inside

Again it was embarrassingly open

And you know what I'd do?

I would run and hide.

Fuck. I think my imagination and reality were clashing. I might actually have finally snapped and lost it.

And the paper

On it was my name

Okay, I definitely did hide the unofficial nickname I made for him. I didn't use it often. I called him “Tree” when I was annoyed with him.

With the question

Do you feel the same?

I knew. I knew he didn’t notice my intentions that day, though he should’ve won an oscar for his acting. He pretended like he didn’t notice.

I think I’m going to legitimately throw up on their ratty couch. I’m going to throw up, and it’s his fault. Jesus, I’m overreacting to a song that’s probably not about me. Fuck I need this to be over so I can breathe. Maybe look up from this thrifted carpet.

Again his words make my head snap up. This time I met his eyes.

To end this tale

The one I'm speaking of

I wish I had an answer, but I just don't know

Is this really love?

I left the room as fast as possible after he said love. I didn’t think I could stomach it. Fuck. Shit. Jesus Christ, retribution may be in my future.

Everything changed after that. I couldn’t look at him, I avoided him, the hope would kill me. It was killing me. I’ve always gotten too excited over people, too attached, and whenever this moment came, I spiraled. I had longed for his love for so long, and the idea of getting it overwhelmed me, being around him overwhelmed me. I avoided him, said I was busy every time he asked to hang out. I didn’t even bother to hide that I was making excuses. It took him a week to stop taking my bullshit. Jack was incredibly blunt. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush. One night he knocked on our door, and someone other than me answered, and they sent him my way. I didn’t tell the girls my feelings. I was too afraid to say it out loud. I didn’t want to be in love again. I loathed it. I wanted to be the person who could be fuck buddies and be fine with it, but I fall too hard. Every fucking time. It’s inescapable.

My dad always said I loved harder than others and should hold onto it, but it only hurt me.

That night fucked everything up. He didn’t look at me. If he did, it wasn’t for long. For the first time, he looked cowardly. He stormed into my room. I could hear his very distinguishable and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart pounded into my throat with every footstep. He didn’t knock. He always knocked. His hair had grown out, it lost its curl, but it hung in his face just as it always did. He didn’t look smug. He didn’t have his bubble of confidence. He was meek. He was small. I remember his hands flying to his pockets. He did that when he was nervous.

As I said before, he doesn’t beat around the bush. I wish he did that day. Spared my heartbreak for a few minutes.

“Lee, I can’t love you.”

Those fucking words. They rang through my mind for years. Every time I saw him in the news, saw his face in magazines in passing at grocery stores. It felt like id been ripped in half, I was speechless, I physically could not form words. That feeling happened every once in a while when I reminded. Overtime I numbed to it.

`He was married. Can you believe that? I was the mistress and with my best friend’s husband. The moment he pulled his hand out to scratch his face, I saw it. The wedding band that was never there before. I think he wore to mess with me, one last laugh. He knew this would be the end of us ever seeing each other, working together.

He said he kept it off during shows for the brother-sister act, and just took it off before seeing me. Jack was never a coward, but it took him a year to tell him he was married. I hung out with them daily, I watched their dog when they toured, and I never noticed once. He was fucking married. The real kicker is that the girls knew too and didn’t tell me earlier. They let me live on with my sins. I felt so dirty. He just kept talking that day. He didn’t stop. Nervously rambled on, and he never did that. He was quiet. He opened his mouth to say something that’ll either make you cry laughing or make your heart swell. He was whip-smart and knew when to speak. I just let him go until he ran out of steam, tears quietly slipping down my cheeks. Still, stone-faced. The moment he stopped, I just silently showed him out and softly shut the door behind him.

That night, I about committed arson, okay I didn’t, but I sure wanted to. At first, I cried. And cried,… and cried. It was a mess. Soon that turned to me having a small existential crisis and dumping everything on the cashier at the liquor store who definitely knew the others, and was incredibly uncomfortable. We went there a lot. As soon as the alcohol had been bought, it was gone. I spent the night binge drinking and wrecking everything in my room. I ripped up my journals for songs, I set a small fire to my sketches of him, and I very furiously tried to wash the smell of him out of my sheets. I also punched a hole in my wall, which I kept a secret until the girls moved out. The next day I switched to Marlboros, the smell of camels gives me that same gut punch. It was his brand.

I said some not great things to the girls. I blamed them for my downfall for not telling me. I made them my excuse. I shortly left the band. We had tried to do a show, but I was so drunk I couldn’t remember most of the songs. I was also told I was lost my pants at some point.

I moved out of the house and lost all ties to them. I cut all ties to jack. I couldn’t go home, though. I burned too many bridges with my family and friends, a bad habit I seemed to have. I still played shows.

The good thing to come out of my rage and fall into substance abuse was my music. I went through some phases. I was playing my standard stuff for a while, just with a bit more... Anger? Then some months later, in ‘99, the stripe’s first album came out. Of course, I fucking bought it. I kept all their records. I couldn’t let go for some reason. I listened to it on repeat. I was so outraged that it was good. I heard myself in their songs, saw my name in the liner notes, I heard myself in his lyrics. I was obsessed; it was great. For two years, I fought and scratched to get some kind of record deal. I got a two-album deal. I toured nonstop, played with some damn good musicians, though I never was happy.

I lived a life of driving and playing. Most of the time, I had no fucking clue what state I was in. In New Jersey around 2003, I’d made some friends and played with them for a bit, fucking around in their basement. I lived there for a bit. I couldn’t stomach Detroit. I stayed consistently drunk from that night in ‘98 until 2004 when I received a friend’s call, showing me where I was headed.

We talked through it, and both decided to get sober. We both were sick. They sparked something musical in me, though. I started to get heavier, I played punk, I put my aggression entirely into my music. I produced my own stuff then, scraping what I could together. I made that record and went back to Detroit. As painful as it was, I couldn’t go back to Nashville, so I was stuck here. I mostly just fucked around, still living pretty much like a hermit, making music in my basement. When the Elephant came out, I couldn’t avoid hearing The White Stripes. They were an international success. I still collected all their records and listened to them extensively. As time went on, my existence in his lyrics disappeared. As for him, it did for me, I’d given up. It was dumb to be upset over it all these years later, still, thinking of him hurt so much. I was restless. I was bored. I wanted to be back out on the road again.

While I was usually blackout drunk every day, I still loved it. Playing something new somewhere new every day. That’s when my friend frank from my New Jersey days called me up in ‘07 to join his new band. I think he was just as fed up and restless as I was. We played “hardcore punk.” though that's debatable. We were sick of shit and needed to yell about it. It was my last hurrah with my inner turmoil. We finished the album and got onto the FBI watchlist for a political song.

I looked down at my phone to see I was getting a call from “Party Dad.” I knew what this is about.

“Did- did they show up at your door too?”

“Frank, you know they did.”

“Dude was fucking on the FBI’s list!” He was just as excited as I was.

“Hell fucking yeah, we are! You know we were still playing the song.”

“Oh, you know it. We will find a way around what they said. Plus fuck the government, that’s the whole point.”

“Two 30 something-year-olds on the FBI watchlist for a fucking song. This day could not get better.”

See here for the song

And toured. We toured for a while. Our last tour date was actually on my birthday in ‘08. In Nashville, no less. I didn’t tell my family, and surely didn’t expect them to be there. I never saw them, but I did see a familiar face. A significantly grown-up Ben Blackwell front and center. It caught me by surprise, that’s for sure, I slipped up a note or two upon seeing him. Though when we met up after, I was surprised how cool I stayed. I hadn’t seen anyone from my past in the years since. Ben has always been the sweet kid. I could never be mad. After that, we always stayed in touch, and whenever one of us was in Detroit or Nashville, we always met up. We recorded a couple tracks too. He’s always been a hell of a drummer.

The band didn’t live long because of the others projects, but I always worked with Frankie when he asked. I even played drums for most of his last album. I got a call while trying to make a drumline for one of the tracks. It was my mom. I hadn’t spoken to her in 14 years. The last time we talked, we’d gotten into the screaming match to end all screaming matches over my focus and direction in life. She didn’t want me to move, she didn’t want me to pursue music, and she didn’t want me to leave John. She always worried I’d die an old maid. I hadn’t dated since Jack, so I can see her concern now.

She dropped the bomb that my dad was sick. Of course, he was sick of all people. He was the most important man in my life. I hated being away from him. I could never bear to see him, and it turns out I’ve been wasting my time with him. All the tour stops, and I hadn’t seen him once. Guilt filled me. I felt the weight of it all. I felt the same tearing feeling, the same gut punch. I told frank everything, and him being him, he sent me off as quickly as possible to be with my family.

My mom didn’t mention the fight. She just hugged me and sent me to my dad’s room. She couldn’t look at me, though.

The moment I entered the house, I could hear Willie Nelson, a Red-headed stranger. It was always his favorite. My dad never showed his pain. He wanted to show us strength. It was heartbreaking to see him now in this state. I pushed it down. We talked for hours, and I told him everything, good and bad. He was always understanding. He knew my mind and reasoning better than I do.

When Ben invited me to a Third Man event, I hesitated. We see each other frequently now that I’m back in town for who knows how long. He always invites me shows and record release parties. I always declined, even though my feelings have changed, I still can’t see jack.

This time though, he said jack wouldn’t be there, something about his kids. Which took me by surprise, yet didn’t surprise me at all. So I agreed. To my dislike. I love ben, but the thought of being in Jack’s business nauseates me.

I watched the show from behind in the control room. Even though id heard it a million times, Ben did not hesitate to talk me through the live recording process. I was half paying attention, aimlessly looking at the crowd.

Then I heard that laugh, the same from all those years ago.

My heart leapt, panic-filled. I about pushed Ben over trying to get his attention. The footsteps. The heavy thuds came down the polished hallway. I nearly tore ben apart, trying to ask him if there was a bathroom.

I was waiting for my breath. There were two entrances. Both blocked. I could either join the band on stage or run straight into the man I’m trying so hard to avoid. Ben looked so frazzled, trying to calm me down. I felt a shiver run through me, and I suddenly stopped. I was frozen, looking at the hallway.

The bustle stopped, the footsteps stopped, all the people around him stopped in confusion. I locked eyes with him the moment he entered the room. No one dared move. Ben looked terrified next to, and the men around jack were whispering to themselves, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Then he spoke, almost like he didn’t believe I was in front of him.

“Rosie?”

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dumbdancemomssideblog · 4 years

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S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world.

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh]

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :(

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged)

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4:

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call?

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho....

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

#dance moms #s1e1 #season 1

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sup4l3e · 3 years

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I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

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th3okamid3mon · 4 years

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JoJo Rabbit, a well thought and heart-wrenching satire [SPOILERS]

Even in a comedy you can´t help to cry, there´s no way you can talk about any war without crying or feeling such a deep horrible feeling of fear and distraught.

(I´m gonna be disclosing a lot of SPOILERS, which include the ending and several key points of the story.)

Sinopsis:

Johannes Breztel is a 10 year old german fanatic who wishes to become a good nazi soldier. He goes to a military camp where he has to learn everything you need to know about being a good soldier and make Hitler proud. JoJo, with his imaginary friend Adolf, began their adventure to becoming a better German for their homeland and fighting against the evil plaguing it: jews.

Writing and Characters:

I heard a lot about Taika Waititi, haven´t watch Ragnarok since I´m not exactly a huge fan on superhero movies (Watched most of the MCU movies mostly out of duty, in a ¨God, please just end it¨ kind of way. Loved Iron Man, hated the 3, Thor was boring, and etc, etc.), I heard how awesome he is, how good is he at also acting and such. This is a huge and great example for his brilliance to shine.

Every story about WW2 is really predictable, you know people are gonna die and people are gonna be miserable or happy at the end of the war. Waititi does a flip by using dark comedy and the perspective of a child, which a lot of people seem to not want due to how disturbing it can be (once you get all the comedy out of the way).

You follow Johannes ¨JoJo¨ Betzler, a 10 year old who is, as the character of Elsa says is:, ¨just a little boy playing to be a soldier with a funny costume trying to get in a club¨. We see he has blind devotion towards the evil Adolf Hitler and is really excited to participate in a training with the hopes of becoming a soldier or better yet, Hitler´s personal body guard. It is disturbing to think a young child, or any child by any means, want to become part on the worst human activity there is: war, and not only that, idolizes the worst and evilest bastard who could have ever been alive. Of course, JoJo is not good for war at all. No kid has the killing instinct in their blood, it´s not something you inherit its something they learn or, in this case, brainwash into believing. He gets into a hilariously portrayed accident that involved a hand bomb that exploded his left side.

His character is the most developed in the entire movie, we follow his steps, we see what he sees and we feel what he feels. His mother tried very hard to taught him how awful war was, he saw Elsa hidden in a tight spot where she had to keep quiet or she and the rest could get in serious trouble, he saw the military before and after going to war. He began to understand how awful can war be, but it wasn´t fully absorb until several traumatic events happened that no child ever had to see in their young life. It´s a very likable child, you are never angry at his devotion he was literally taught from infancy how he had to serve a dictator. The fault falls in the regimen, his actions, the things he does and acts are his only responsibility and thanks to his child innocence and wonder and compassion we know he is a good person in the inside just a bit confused.

Rosie Betzler. If you didn´t like Scarlett Johannson for his previews acting on the fucking MCU movies (like me, GOD I hated her), well I bet you are gonna like her in this one. I mean... SHE SMILES? WOW, DIDN´T KNEW SHE COULD DO THAT. Seriously, the directing in the heroes movies fucked her seriously. She is a brilliant actress and is so wonderfully funny in this one. A kind mother with brutal honesty trying to raise her now beloved child alone (since her husband is at war and her older child died from influenza, I didn´t exactly got that from the movie) while keeping certain secrets to keep him safe is hard enough, but during NAZI GERMANY while being part of the jewish resistance is IS ANOTHER LEVEL OF HARD, ITS LIKE NIGHTMARE MODE IN FUCKING OUTLAST. Badass character, keeping a balance between trying to make her child feel like a child and also keeping the orphan Elsa a secret. She didn´t had a huge development and she didn´t need one, we only needed to see what secrets she was hiding and damn... They cost a lot once you knew them all.

Elsa, brave and aggressive Elsa. Of course anyone would act the way she did if she had to be quiet to avoid being sent to a concentration camp. The girl has a lot of knowledge in popular culture, telling JoJo about different artists who, not only were writers or musicians, but also Jewish (to the dismay for poor, silly JoJo). She didn´t have a huge development, she begin to understand JoJo deeply as well as Rosie, since both where there for her (even if they had different and opposite motivations). Elsa is like an obstacle for JoJo except she doesn´t do much and wouldn´t do so if it meant putting herself at risk. We can see she is really brave once the Gestapo stop at their home, brave and smart that is. Without her quick thinking the movie would have ended then and there. I can´t imagine how deeply horrifying it would have been to do that and how awful and sad her life was after not only loosing her fiance to tuberculosis but also watching her family getting in a train and leaving to a place where no one returns. She acts aggressive and is harsh because she needs to survive and when she begins to trust JoJo, their bond become strong and deep and become like siblings.

Capitan Deertz is a very apathetic and silly capitan, the guy is really tired of the war and doesnt really want anything to do with the children at the camp, not because of a moral compass he just doesnt give a fuck. You get this character and you laugh at his commentary and at how Rosie can easily threaten him. And then you see more of his character, he seems to care at certain some points. He cares about Finkel, who is a second in command. Every time they appear in screen they are literally whispering stuff at each other or have certain looks, clearly a gay couple. At that time period it was EXTREMELY dangerous to show any type of love towards another man and this two werent that subtle about it but since they were high in command guess no one actually care or said anything (considering most of the people in their command were children, no one would probably even care). Finkel was just this goofy guy who follow Deertz and show a deep appreciation. Not the main thing to focus, it´s just there and it´s funny and its normal. They dont have to look or act in ¨gay way¨, they are just there and they do their work and such. Which is fine until you get the war scenes and then you want to bawl even more (Because when you get at the war scenes you already should have bawled your eyes out due to a lot of sad circumstances). He also cared about Rosie and JoJo, even when he seem not to. When he saw Gestapo in Rosie´s house he helped JoJo save Elsa and when he was trapped by the Allies he helped JoJo again by ripping a nazi jacket off of him and shoving him to the ground while screaming at him. General jerk is actually a caring character, cliche move but man, does it always fucking works.

The dialogues were impressively well thought, no one felt out of place and they made sense. The way they make fun of the whole blind fanatism and how the military views boys and girls it´s all in your face and its hilarious, it is presented as that so please no one start saying how sexist or how wrong it is for saying the things they say. It´s a SATIRE. It´s a MOVIE. ITS COMEDY.

I cannot thought of any kind of plothole, I´m sure it has or it probably has but the story is so well thought and so well acted you are absorb into it. Your whole attention is in what will happen next, the story of WW2 can be predictable, but this story is always at 2 steps of ripping your heart and then replacing it and hoping it pumps blood normally and when it does pump blood normally it rips it off again. It´s a rollercoaster, and it´s capturing. Your attention is in the story 100% of the time, and you gotta pay attention to the details because they foreshadow so much good and so much PAIN.

Directing and Acting:

I almost go off in the other section about Scarlett´s acting, now here it comes: MY GOD. I hated her so much in Avengers. The mot disliked character for me was her, and I always forget it was the directors fault. Here´s a note: When an actor acts bad, it´s not always, if not NEVER, their fault. Most of the time is the directors fault, you have to give straight and good orders and to maintain a communication with them if not the story falls. When Black Widow was shown in Iron Man, I was like ¨Wow, I like her! She is really good and badass!!¨ and then Avengers happened and it fucking fall all over the fucking lava floor. And IT WAS A FUCKING SHAME. Scarlett Johansson is a really good actress! She portrayed an excellent character, even if it was a minor character, she did it perfectly and shown so much emotion with the looks and the words she said and the actions she did. She was a mom in this movie, and it showed! THIS! THIS CHARACTER MADE ME LOVE JOHANSSON! Please dont go to shit directors ever again, my god. Avengers was a fucking toxic relationship and SHE GOT OUT AND SHE IS BRILLIANT.

Taika Waititi is such a great director, he really put his love and passion into this project and it shows. It bleeds passion, it fucking tastes passion. I dont understand, he needs more money to make more works. GIVE THIS MAN MORE MONEY.

The kids? Holy- How old are th- 12!?!?!?!? ROMAN GRIFFIN DAVIS WAS 12?!?!?! How old was- HIS SIBLINGS ALSO WORK IN THIS?! Ok how old is the othe- 11!?!?!??! ARCHIE YATES IS 11!??!?! Ok, as you can see, I am very impressed by this child actors. It can be a challenge to direct them because sometimes there are a lot of different needs they have and they also can´t work as much as the adults and such, this means there´s less time to work with them and maybe they have school and other child responsibilities. Waititi must have had a lot of patience and a really big understanding of their work hours, not over pressuring them and knowing how to explain the whole script. That doesn´t mean they dont have talent, though. This kids are EXTREMELY talented, they are funny and they show a lot of emotion, even when one is comic relief you can sense and see how exhausted he is while saying ¨I´m going to see my mom, I need a cuddle¨ LIKE... THIS ARE KIDS, THEY SHOULDNT BE AT WAR, WTF!?

The actors protrayed their respective characters in such a way, deeply understanding what emotions go in each scene and making the scene so heart wrenching.

[BIG SPOILER, SKIP IF YOU DON´T WANNA KNOW] There´s a scene I enjoyed a lot by how it is presented, it´s a good sequence and the punch hits you really hard. During the movie you can see a couple scenes where they only show Rosie´s feet, dancing or just moving while JoJo sees amused or not. Anyway, the scene I´m talking about is when he is following a really pretty blue butterfly that is flying at floors level. He walks towards it and smiles, he squats to take a better look at it before it flies away. And when he stands up again, he is next to a pair of legs, and not any legs, they have a specific kind of shoe, and they have a specific blue coat. Oh no. You dont have to see the face, there´s no need to see the face. You dont have to see the expression you only need to see JoJo. And this is where I have no idea how this kid did it, but his expression goes from wonder to horrifying sadness and desperation. I dont know what direction, what mental image did Waititi told him but he manage to portrayed a really raw and deep sadness and heartbreak you can only see in people who lost someone. And the kid is just holding his mother´s lifeless legs and crying and desperate trying to tie her shoelaces and then giving up and hugging her again. And then he is just broken, looking at her hanging with other people who might have been with her or not. The realization of how harsh the punishment is and how awful life is that day at that time. And he can´t believe it, he doesnt want to believe and maybe if he had acted differently she would have still been there but no. It wasn´t his fault, he had nothing to do with it. He later was explain what possibly happened. She was with the resistance, her husband was with the resistance in Italy. She was against nazi´s but she never told him to protect him and to protect herself. She sacrifice for other people, she put herself in danger for other people and for a better future for her son. JoJo wouldnt have known, he couldn´t know and now that he knew he just loved her so very much and it hurted him. It wasn´t the jews´ fault, it wasn´t his fault, it was the people of the regimen he was following, the regimen who promised a bright future for him and the other children.

Sound design:

It was delightful. Dialogues kept at their respective volumes, background noises were there and not overbearing, the sound of steps, something being dragged, the sound of bombs and artillery. Not a single time was any sound out of place, it was as if you were there, it immersive. The sound played a huge rolled into being capture in the story, with such detail at every sound that could be played at the scene. The silences where used perfectly, only backgrounds and atmospheric sounds plagued the scene, and when the moment hit you there was still no music until the realization was made. Perfect timing.

The soundtrack was beautiful, endearing and melancholic at their respective scenes. When there was music to dance on, the music played, when there was a hilarious montage the music exaggerates the ridiculous situation they are presented in. It was wonderful.

Art design:

They went all off!!! The clothes, the cars, the food, the plates, everything! I wonder how much investigation did they had to do to fully dress up an entire cast and also to do the little details. One thing is getting the clothes that, to be entirely fair, thanks to photos from those times and more investigation from books, you can figure out the type of clothes and materials they used, but the details from the streets, the kind of bikes and the inside of a house its an entire story:

Investigation is not entirely what you need to do, you have to consider what colors go well, what makes the character pop but also make sense, how the decor should be done and what kind of table and chairs are in a normal house. How do the hidden rooms worked and how where they hidden at plain sight, how do you make it work and how will it look. All has to be thought out, everything has to have a purpose, even the smallest change can be a whole new set. Make it look pretty but make sure it makes sense to the era.

Photography:

Let´s talk photography, shall we?

Look at how the colors vary, look at the highlights and shadows. Look at the saturated colors. I LOVE saturated colors, not many photographers used them out of fear, the colors can be very bright and distracting, but Mihai Mălaimare Jr. made it work! His shots are spectacular, they work perfectly to capture whats going on and how the characters feel.

JUST LOOK AT THE CONTRAST. In the first picture there´s a big open shot, both Rosie and JoJo are in the very left corner while you can see the bright green grass. They are free from everything when they are out of town, they can be happy or enjoy their time while being there, even if JoJo likes to pretend to be mature and to still want to be a soldier while his mother is trying to make him understand how life has to be enjoyed while it last and how war has ruin that for everyone, including the nazi germans. The second shot is at the town, look at how grayish it looks. Everyone is miserable. There´s no such thing as a good war, and whether you believe it or not, even the nazi germans were suffering, the ones who werent fighting were frighten to be attacked, hungry because the food was not enough or was given to the soldiers, no one was happy at that point in life. The color palettes help tell a story, and influence how you look at the lives of the characters. It´s visual storytelling and you can feel the fresh air, the relief from the first shot and then the limited, claustrophobic and fearful atmosphere from the second.

What a better representation of what war is. Kids going to get killed for an evil regimen disguised as the savior for their homeland. JoJo who finally sees that horrors of war, a kid who has lost so much now, who knows heartbreak but never fathom the idea of horrifying, raw, disturbing and sickening war is. How you loose more than you gain from fighting, how you see your friends being send like pigs to a slaughter, how the military blindly follows orders for a falling regimen. The look of utter disbelief and horror contrasting the he blind joy of dying for your country. This shot is everything and in motion is even more epic yet disturbing.

Conclusion:

I might be too blinded by how well it was made that I don´t see any problems in it. I would have to watch it again to see if there´s some inconsistencies but going by the first watch I have to say it was really good. The plot was understandable, it had high points and slow points, but those were well made. It was smooth how the story evolve, the turns were expected but maybe not in the way they were presented. What i mean is, it can be predictable but you dont expect HOW it is presented. With War stories death is at every corner, it´s the manner that you don´t expect or hope to happen to anyone. The acting was phenomenal, the star was totally Roman Griffin, all the actors were amazing but you gotta give the kid credit, THIS WAS HIS DEBUT and he NAILED IT!

By the looks of the trailer you expect so much and it gives you that and more. To the eyes is a delight, to the heart is a pain and comfort and to the ears is a melody. To the soul is a story that has to remind you history, war is not a good thing and so many people get more damage by it than saved. No kid should ever be put in that situation, and yet there are kids suffering in this world. This movie could potentially be an Anti-War movie, because it literally shows how awful it is. Wars are awful in general! It´s kind of ridiculous we need to be reminded of that but here we are.

We are shown a cruel environment with a humorous tone to get the message straight into our heads and it works perfectly. Give it 3 watches and then watch another 3 times, every time you feel like everything is going down, remember there´s still hope even in the darkest more horrifying places and times. We have the choice to make good, humans can be evil but can be extremely brave and compassionate. Never give up being a good person, it can be hard but it is more rewarding. People need kindness and compassion. We need to be those compassionate people for others. It always starts with one brave person.

The last thing you leave the theater is with a verse from Rainer Maria Rilke:

Let everything happen to you. Beauty and Terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Sincerely moved, T.O.D

PS: Fuck Hitler.

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nightmaretyrantvantas · 5 years

Text

So I’m finally getting around to writing out a bunch of info about my Sander Sides au so I hope youre all ready--(its like 1 am im so sorry for any spelling mistakes and missed tags)

So its 1 am on a work night and I cant sleep and I’ve had lots of ideas and canon things for this au bouncing around my head for days and now TONIGHTS THE NIGHT ITS HAPPENING IM DELIVERING YOU ALL THE DETAILS AND EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF AND TYPE

Also please feel free to ask about this! I know I got a few new followers from all my recent sander sides art and also thanks to @sugarglider9603 reblogging some art I made of their au I got the biggest flood of exposure and attention on my art ive ever had and I have so much to thank them for, for all recent exposure ive gotten the past couple days( theyre so sweet and lovely and easy to talk to sugar deserves all the love--) and its given me a huge surge of motivation and confidence to post this. And please, my inbox is always open to talk about my aus or my art! Ask questions, send requests, send headcanons or ideas, send fluff angst im open to anything and I try to do all requests sent to me(sooner or later)

Oh oh! and please id you catch any and all the little inspirations or anything let me know

And finally this au is a LAMP au with Remile and Demus on the side

Ahem ahem anyway onto the au!!!

More under the cut so I dont flood your screen too bad!

Ok so!

This Au was originally inspired by @residentanchor‘s amazing fanfic A Lesson in Practicality and also a little bit by @prettyinaccurate‘s fanged virgil au( I’ll get more into that further down)

So it takes place in a (currently) unnamed bigger city I based off San Francisco and Sacramento( because I live in Cali and those are the two major cities ive really visited ya know?) The boys are all in various stages of their twenties when they move into a four bedroom apartment together: Patton Foster is the oldest of the roomies at 27, then Logan Masters at 26, Roman Prince at 24, and finally Virgil Collins at 22. They move in together because it all works out for them really, the apartment is in a good distance to all their current jobs, whether by bus or even in Pat’s case in walking distance and with all four of them it was well affordable and was pretty nice. I mean hey it even came with a little communal balcony ( since theyre on third floor of the building)

Things are understandably a little rocky at first , i mean isnt it always though?

Virgil has alot of anxiety and so he tends not to talk really at all at the beginning unless he ABSOLUTELY had to, mostly communicating in noncomittal noises and soft grumbles, and he was fresh out of collage and barely two years into his job and out on his own for the first time and he wasnt really ready for it either like christ too many people

Patton was bright bubbly and caring. This wasnt his first rodeo with roomies, I mean cmon, hes been sharing a room with his older brother Damian(deceit) on and off almost all his freakin life, nor was it his first time living on his own with strangers(hes lived in two different parts of two when he was job hopping before he settled down in his current part time job)

Roman was extroverted loud and exciteable, he too was used to sharing his living space( he had TWO siblings after all) and before he had moved into the apartment he had tried living on his own and with other roommates while he attended collage, but those just didnt work out well ( he ended up staying with his older brother Remy in his studio apartment across the city while he finished out that semester and searched for a job to keep an income.

Logan was serious minded stern toned and confident, he had a minor degree in teaching that he was slowly repursueing and had been out on his own for awhile before he had moved in. And though cold at first he soon found his group of housemates...enjoyable.

Its about a month into them living together that they learn exactly why despite slowly getting close and getting to know each other Virgil still kept a wide distance: He had entirely sharp teeth.

“ I dunno....I was born with them..theyve always been a sharp pain in my ass...” - virgil, about his teeth

Of course just having sharp teeth wasnt bad enough oh no. You see a few years back when he was about 18 he was young and dumb and made horrifically stupid and reckless decisions under peer pressure and ended up doing something that not only pointedly (haha oh god im not funny) chipped his front teeth but it fucked up his teeth pretty majorly, he went from having a normal overbite to almost having a goddamn underbite and crooked all his teeth, and the only way to fix it( because somehow miraculous for all the damage done it turned out to be mostly reversable aside from the chipping) was getting braces to realign his teeth. So he’s had pretty purple braces over his fangs since he was 18 and they werent expected to come off until he was AT LEAST 25 and he was insecure about them. ( he got mocked for them through his two and a half years of junior collage)

Once the gang finds out they are understanding and helpful and dont make a big deal about it( though virgil gains a significant amount of more vampire related nicknames from roman)

Once they get close and comfortable around each other the apartment is pretty warm and lively!

Virgil works at the art store as an assistant manager and head stocker( a bit of a dream come true since he was an art student)

Roman works as a part time waiter at a family resturant as well as working at a nearby theater( he was of course a lovely theater major)

Patton worked at a nearby cafe and bakery as a bit of everything! He helped wait tables, serve behind the counter, and helped in the back in the kitchen( the owners were family friends and he’d been working there almost four to five years at that point, boi knows how to do everything)

Logan worked at a big name bookstore, and also provided tutoring sessions for highschool students on the side by commision

More FACTS~~

Family ages for the big families go as follows:

Fosters: Damian(28), Patton(27)

Prince: Remy(26), Roman(24, older twin by 10 minutes), Remus(24, younger twin)

Emile is 27 and is a licensed therapist and works as a counselor for young adults that volunteers at the nearby library to ready to children

Remy works as a coffee barista in Emile’s building

Remus does alot of odd jobs, kinda working as an independent for hire and gets a surprising steady flow of work and pay. Hes still a trash man though, but hes a successful trash man( partly thanks to Damian calling in favors with connections)

Damian works at a law firm slowly moving into the position of prosecutor

Virgil doesnt really get along with his family and at some point Emile offers to take virgil in as his adopted brother, with Damian assuring him if he wanted concrete legal papers to start changing his last name, cutting ties with his family, anything needed for it he’d see to it that they’d be providing(something our boi really appreciates)

Remy visits Emile on his breaks since hes literally just...two hallways down and vice versa

Damian and Remus live together in the next, slightly smaller city over because Damian’s work transferred him to a different office in order for him to keep moving up in the ranks so to speak.

Hes also good at what he does.

Family nights happen whenever they can

Patton got to teach them how to cook alot of complicatied dishes from scratch, a bonding time he adores

Roman got Virgil an Espeon hoodie after they all start dating and virgil loves it and wears it alot around the house because its a thicker hoodie and warm( though he tries to ignore the big ears and the obnovious tail

Virgil also loves visiting Roman’s work on what Ro likes to refer to as “ hellish days” AKA kids day which means goofy kid friendly theme days. His favorite was probably alice in wonderland day when Roman was Tweedle Dee

Roman played J.D at the local theater and likes to hum some of the his songs to switch up the Disney

The balcony is covered in houseplants and and a corner of old blankets and pillows to sit and chill on

Once a month Logan and Patton have what is affectionately referred to as the Cat Discourse

After any particularly rough days at work Patton tends to massage Logan’s shoulders and back to make sure Lo doesnt get any really bad stress knots

in return when Logan sees Patton’s head a hard day he makes Patton’s favorite drink and pulls him into a hug and let the older man fall asleep in his arms while they watch movies

Pat and roman sense each other’s bad days and order in some cliche diner food and hole up in pattons room with Pattons computer and relax the shittiness away with comedy specials and movies

Likewise Virgil has a knack of picking up Roman’s bad days and always grabs a couple glasses and a bottle kinda cheap wine and they end up curling up together on Romans bed marathoning Disney movies on Virgil’s laptop

and when Virgil closes himself off more than normal Logan manages to lure him out of his room and they end up sitting out on the balcony quietly talking and stargazing

so loving and fond and soft with each other

you hurt one of them you gonna get BEAT by the others.

Speaking of getting beat, never EVER mess with Roman or Remus in Remy’s proximity

Remy Andrew Prince can and WILL fuck you right up if you hurt his little brothers. He’s protective.

and where Remy will rearrange your face Damian will ruin you mentally and legally if you so much as mistreat a single freckle on his little brother’s face, despite knowing that Patton is fully capable of taking care of himself.

Everyone protects Virgil, dont mess with or hurt virgil or you have the pack coming for ya throat

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand thats all I have for right now! Of course more will be added but now its almost three in the morning and I have work at 1:30pm and im sleepy finally! But I hope you guys like this! And please, feel free to talk to me about it, my inbox is always open!!

Taglist: @phantommoonpeople @sweetsweetemo @loganberrysanders

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ultsracha · 5 years

Text

Friends to Lovers w/ Eric (tbz)

Request: Anon - Ok uuuh I’ve never requested before so idk how to word all this but could you maybe write some Eric (the boyz) catching feelings for his best friend and him trying to ask her out ?? And maybe like the other 00 liners making fun of him for being all soft :( I’m sorry I’m trash at explaining stuff <3 Have a wonderful day A/N: Thank you for requesting! im sorry that this isnt the best but i tried ! Warnings: mild angst & swearing

*He looks so teeny tiny in this gif ouchies my heart*

you and Eric had been friends for literally your whole lives

all of your childhood memories had him in them

running around the back yard? Eric was right behind you

Learning how to ride a bike? This dude was the reason you had the courage to do it

So it was no surprise to everyone that all throughout school you stayed friends

Joined at the hip every second you could be

In class you would sit together and help each other with the work

Of course you had your other friends, 11 of them who were all part of Eric’s band they called ‘The Boyz’

They accepted you into their group with open arms

Most nights after school were spent in the practice room with them

Watching them dance and run around

Eric always tried to get you involved but that’s a big, fat, nope

But you literally had the best, best friend

So, like every other day you’re sat at the lunch table waiting for Eric to get out of his class while you sat with Sunwoo and Hyunjoon

“You coming stargazing with us tonight?” Sunwoo asks as he shoves a few grapes into his mouth

“Of course, I’ll bring some food if you guys want as well?” you replied

This wasn’t uncommon for you all, to go sit on Kevin’s roof with blankets and snacks and just look at the stars

“Is Eric coming too?” You ask because let’s face it everything's more fun with him around

“OoOOoooOOOOoooOOh ‘Is Eric coming too?’ oOOooOo” Hyunjoon teases, nudging your arm

“Ah fuck off you know it’s not like that, we’ve been friends forever! I can’t go anywhere without him now”

They both continued to tease and nudge you around until you saw Eric walking over

As per the routine, you got up and met him halfway across the hall for a massive hug

“Hey! What’s up? You’re bright red?” He asks after hugging you

“Ohhh nothing, just dumb and dumber trying to steal my last brain cell” you giggle as you both settle into your seats

Eric draping his arm round your shoulders like he always does

Sunwoo giving you a sly smirk like he a l w a y s does when you and Eric even look at each other

It wasn’t hard to understand why everyone gave you these looks

Most people assumed you were together

Even some of your family had suspicions because of how close you two were

but you could only dream...

This little crush you had started mid teens and had persisted ever since

Now it was nearing the end of school and here you were, hopelessly in love

Honestly it had just become a normal part of your life by now and that was okay, as long as you had him with you being your best friend. It was okay

“You’re coming to Kevins tonight yeah?” Eric mumbles into your ear

Resisting the urge shiver you simply nod and turn away and continue to listen to the bickering of the boys

After that the day goes on peacefully, Eric walks you to class and kisses your forehead before jogging to his own class

The bus journey home you guys sit together and share earphones, taking it in turns to choose a song

“I’ll see you later yeah?” You ask as you both get off the bus at your stop

“Yeah I might be a bit late though, I’ve got some things to get done beforehand” he replies, throwing his bag over his shoulders

“Alright, I’ll see you later then!” you start to wave goodbye and of course, as per usual he brings you in for a hug and to kiss your forehead

and yet again your heart swells and you inwardly scream because why not your lips hm?

Later that evening Sangyeon picks you up, with Sunwoo and Haknyeon already in the car

Sunwoo on the aux playing some random country music to annoy everyone

It’s an amazing night to stargaze, you get to Kevins just at the end of sunset where the sky is mostly dark but a lilac hue still coats the edges of the sky

The stars already sparkling

Kevins roof was your favourite place to be as he lived at the top of a hill, meaning the view of the city below could be seen

As well as the roof itself having a large flat bit for everyone to cosy up together

Most of the group are already there setting up blankets and pillows and the speaker

As expected Eric wasn’t there yet so you just dumped out all the snacks you gathered next to the speaker and went to speak to the host

“Did Eric tell you what he had to do tonight?” you ask, watching Kevin struggle to smooth out a massive blanket

“Yes but I’m not telling you, it’s a secret” he replies

“Why? What is it?” your heart starting to race

Did he have a girlfriend? Was he keeping her a secret? Was he bringing her tonight?

Yes, that’s where your mind goes because, well every girl in the school would be lucky to have him

“Y/N calm down he’s gone to get something for tonight, don’t worry he’s still your mans but not really your mans” he smirks, patting the top of your head and walking away

You just stand there blinking before realising what he even said, leading you to pursue him to where everyone was sat already

“He’s not my ‘mans’ Kevin we all know he’s got every girl in the school whipped for him” you sigh, plopping yourself next to Jacob

who was munching on some chips

“Y/N you’re kidding right?” Sunwoo smirks while Hyunjoon giggles lightly and nods

“No I’m not, I’m honestly surprised he hasn't got a girlfriend already...” you mumble

The sad truth being explained to your friends hurt but it wasn’t hard to see, he wasn’t in love with you

“He has THE biggest crush on you Y/N how do you not see it?”

You look up from your lap to see everyone nodding in agreement

Who knew your friends would play such a prank on you

“This isn’t funny guys, you’re just teasing and it’s painful so please can we just change the subject?”

lets be real it would always hurt knowing how everyone could see how in love you were but how obviously he wasn't

“Seriously, everyday we see him he talks about how cute you look or how smart you are and how he can’t wait to show you this dance because he wants to impress you” Hyunjoon giggles while Changmin over dramatically nods

“and how you smell nice all the time” Sunwoo adds rolling his eyes

“they boy’s whipped for you” Hyunjoon continues

“It’s almost annoying how literally no one exists when you’re around because he’s so focused on you”

Your heart has literally stopped

Because ??? Eric???? liking you????

“Right let’s quit the teasing because we weren’t even meant to tell her so now you’re gonna have to explain to him about this” Sangyeon scolds the younger ones

You just lay back into the pillows still not computing

They have to be lying? He’s never shown any interest in you?

You hear them still laughing about how your face looks when you’re shocked

Jacob leans over to whisper “just ignore them, they’re rooting for you”

You’re just lying on the roof, looking up to the sky with butterflies bursting your stomach and your heart beating like crazy in your chest when you hear Kevins bedroom window open

“Hey guys, sorry I was late” Eric bursts through the window “I was just getting a few things”

Everyone greets him but you stay silent, looking up at the sky because you were just TOO nervous to say anything

“You okay?” He asks you, laying down next to you and propping his head on his arm

“Yeah! Just looking at the stars” your voice betraying your panic

He just nods and rolls over to lie on his back next to you

The night goes on as normal, everyone chatting, listening to music and enjoying the view

You hop in the conversation every once in a while but the others seem to understand why you’re being more quiet

Eric hardly speaks to you but never leaves your side, just lying next to you also in his in thoughts

“What’s up?” You whisper to him after a while

“Just thinking about stuff” He whispers back shifting to lay on his side to look at you

You look into his eyes and he looks,,, nervous?

“What you thinking about?” you ask, shifting to mirror his position

“It’s nothing don’t worry Y/N” He replies shaking his head

“You know you can tell me anything Eric we’re best friends...”

At this he sighs even more and stands up

“What? What did I do?” You also stand

He’s already climbing back through Kevins window

Naturally you follow, heart beating out of your chest at the thought of Eric being upset with you

“Seriously whats wrong? Why can’t you tell me?” You follow him into the room

“Because if I tell you we can’t be friends and it’ll all go wrong so it’s better if I don’t say anything”

“Why? We’re best friends we’ve always told each other everything whats changed?”

“Will you please stop saying that?” He almost shouts and spins around to face you

You’ve never seen him this upset before

Sunwoo and Hyunjoon were wrong, he doesn't love you he doesn't even want to be friends anymore

“Y-y-y-you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” You splutter out, tears already brimming in your eyes

They were so wrong and they couldn't have said what they did at a worse time, giving you that small bubble of hope in your chest for it to be crushed an hour later

“It’s not that I just....” he trails off, wringing his hands nervously

“Then what Eric?” You burst into tears, heart almost breaking in that moment

“Y/N I love you. Fuck. I’m sick of hiding it and being teased all the time for not having the courage to tell you. I fucking love you”

The tears didn't stop when you rushed over and wrapped your arms around his neck

Standing on your tiptoes to hug him you felt his arms wrap around your waist

You both just stood there holding each other

His erratic breathing indicating he’s crying too

“I love you too Eric, so much, for so long”

You just stayed put in his arms, him stroking the back of your head

“I didn’t believe them when they told me...” you giggle while pulling away to look at him

His eyes just go so wide

“They did what?” He yelped

“Oh they told me all about how you talk about me all the time and how whipped you are” you giggle even more

The look on his face just makes you laugh harder

“I’m going to kill them” he growls and charges back through the window

You just smile and follow him onto the roof where everyone was just laughing and nudging Eric around

“So he’s finally confessed!” Jacobs asks you grinning from ear to ear

“It’s about time, now we don’t have to spend every dance practice brainstorming ways to get him to do it” Sunwoo laughs, earning a slap from Eric

Once the teasing died down Eric joined your side leaning against the wall by Kevins window

“So does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” He asks

And despite the dark you can tell his cheeks are dusted pink

“Of course I will, but what did you need to go get earlier than meant you were late?”

“Oh,” he wriggled to grab a small packet from his pocket “I was going to confess to you tonight and I bought you this”

Handing you the packet you open it to find a dainty necklace

Silver with a small heart pendant on it

“Eric this is so cute but you didn’t have to buy me something to confess to me” you blush, heart feeling so full it could burst

“I know but I thought it would help” his smile is so bright and warm

He helps you put on the necklace and the night ends with you falling asleep cuddled into his arms admiring the view

#tbz #the boyz #eric #tbz eric #eric fluff #tbz fluff #the boyz fluff #the boyz imagine #the boyz fic

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jadecringecomp · 5 years

Text

it took me the longest time to realize this, but jade had only befriended me for self validation abt their abuser, broden. i have screenshots and further information under the cut.

i initially befriended jade after they informed me broden was worse than he had made himself out to be. and so i proceed to block him off everything i had him on. soon after, me and jade became close. however, jade was... incredibly weird abt it regarding broden and would constantly point out how they ‘stole’ me from him. i can only show screenshots to show what i mean.

“[jade] LOL i was going thru brodens whining tag again

[image from broden’s blog reading “You, Jade, are worse than evil. Worse than a cyberbully, even. Rae is blocking me because of you and your so-called ‘act of justice’ against me. Well you know what? You’re the monster made by your own heinous ambition, slowly abusing me to death with threats and insults towards me.”]

[jade] now we’re best friends lol die mad freak

[jade] ‘worse than evil’ takes ur friends anyway”

“broden you know that even if me and rae werent friends they’d still hate you lmao”

“’lose/lose’ idk man im the one who gained a bunch of awesome friends who support me....and you have none....”

“[screenshot of a post from broden reading “There is also no reason to include anyone else in this situation besides you, your boyfriend and me. Nobody else, not even Rae, should’ve gotten involved with this situation.”]

broden you can’t get mad at ME after i gave you like dozens of chances to stop being a piece of shit before outing you to the people you were lying to. and you literally cannot get mad that rae (and everyone) fucking hates you now because you literally make no effort in any of your friendships! anytime anything happens you just completely give up and throw yourself a pity party like ‘well i guess this is goodbye’ or something and put absolutely 0 effort into fixing any of your relationships so the only person you have to blame for the fact you have no friends is yourself. also me and rae are best friends now are u mad? sorry i helped one of your victims broden. die mad about it.”

“broden im sorry im so much fucking better than you, have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and super awesome friends who are funny and i have fun with and dont abuse and that im actually likable as a person“

“if im just stirring up old drama and youre just some innocent uwuwu then why do i have so many friends and support from them and you’re all alone bc youre repulsive...”

“broden are you mad i exposed you to your friend and now we both validate each other as victims of you and i’m a better friend than you could ever dream to be“

“[screenshot from brodens blog reading “anonymous said: so like...why do you hate abuse survivors tho” broden responding “You may be an abuse survivor but it doesn’t give you the right to be abusive. I don’t hate you, I’m disappointed that you are not able to be something else than the thing that you hate. You gazed into the abyss, and the abyss gazed into you... I’m sorry.”]

[jade] this is so fucking edgy like shut the fuck up and stop shitting on abuse survivors you fucking idiot. why dont you explain to @gravecores and @pyjuumun how we’re idiots for standing up to our abuser and how that somehow makes US abusive. fuck off.”

even putting posts i made abt the broden situation into their broden tag which broden does go through (#b)... and sure i did give them permission to rb these but the fact they threw some of this into a tag they have dedicated to broden and they know he sifts through says a lot.

“[me] broden, to me: jade said it wrong i actually only rped rape and pedophilia many years ago

broden, right now on his blog: rping rape and pedophilia

[jade] broden: says fucking anything

me: *fucking sorting through all the proof of himself digging his own fuckin ass grave* mhmmmm go on go on”

“broden… the themes you do in your threads are extremely explicit and to me its genuinely hilarious how you try and excuse your fetishes with “but its fictional!!!!!!” and. its not the fact you rp those themes that makes her call you an abuser. theres so much more to that. the fact you want to sit there and type out how someone is involved in incest and how exactly someone is raped just shows to me that it isnt just some story plot or whatever. if you have the balls to sit there and type that out, it shows me you have rape and incest as some sort of fetish.

trust me broden if it were just mentions here and there i wouldnt think much of it. but in your story ive seen the incest and pedophilia being normalized and ive seen you type out in detail how someone is raped. im begging you to please realize that can only show you have all of these as a fetish or kink or whatever. again, if they were just mentions here and there i would think nothing of it.

broden im literally on my knees and BEGGING for you to realize that your actions are speaking so much louder than your words. ik you like to think jade is on your ass for “fictional rp themes” but! she has a valid reason to be + all the other things youve done to her! im sorry broden you are just. not in the right in this case.”

“[me] idk what kinda fuckshit is making ppl believe “oh yeah the victim is now being the abuser” but im almost sure its because ppl have no idea how abuse works.

[jades tags] #hm i would die for you? #b”

theres probably more to it, but i think you could get the gist of it. jade befriended me for nothing more than self validation and using me to take jabs at our abuser and it really fucking shows. after all during our friendship all they would talk abt was him. we barely had any normal conversations. if it wasnt abt broden, it was abt smth else that was bothering them. so go figure.

so before jade wants to throw out there that i was a fake friend for making a single mistake they never even allowed me to apologize for, maybe they should think this over abt how they used me to get back at their abuser.

#i didnt see this as callout post worthy but #its still real shitty so im just making an entirely different post

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ktrashquotes · 6 years

Text

CHANBAEK soulmates matching tattoos au

they are my parents ok

everyone is born with a tattoo that matches someone elses, some soulmates have identicals tattoos, some have complementing ones, most soulmates develop romantic feelings for each other but its not unusual to see platonic soulmates

chanbaek are born with beautiful colourful shining suns on their right wrists (its rare for soulmates to have the tattoos in the very same part of their bodies)

byun baekhyun always loved the idea of soulmates, he thought it was beautiful and inspiring

until his parents divorced when he was 11

they werent soulmates, they loved each other a lot but not enough to make baekhyuns mom stay after she met her soulmate

baekhyun became afraid of falling in love

he started to always wear a piece of cloth around his right wrist so no one could see his marking

park chanyeol parents were soulmates

nevertheless he wasnt the biggest fan of soulmates, he thought it chained people together

so chanyeol always hid his marking sun

chanbaek met at 13

they went to the same boarding school and were in the same class

chanyeol was loud and bright and funny and baekhyun was loud and bright and funny

best friends at first sight

they have so much in common but were also very different

baekhyun could be shameless in a way chanyeol would never

chanyeol was so clueless sometimes, his friends wanted to hit him

baekhyun was theatrical and dramatic while chanyeol was utterly honest in everything

both of them were moodmakers and playful, both loved music and played the piano

they got called ‘beagle line’, alongside one of their best friends, kim jongdae

chanyeol, being the soulmate anti, never asked baekhyun about his tattoo and baekhyun didnt either

since their friends did, they knew about the other reasons to hide his tattoo

during all their years in school the thought of being soulmates never crossed their minds

they kissed twice, at 14 and 17, a party on both occasions but never talked about it

they pretended it never happened

but they secretly liked a lot both kisses

and yeah theyve always been close

disgustingly close according to sehun

annoyingly close according to kyungsoo

when they graduated at 18 they were still the ever together bros

they never talked about their reciprocated feelings on each other cause they didnt knew it was reciprocated duh

they went to the same college in seoul, majoring in different things

after a lot of considering, baekhyun accepted to share a apartment near campus with chanyeol

none of them ever talked about how natural things were between them, how it felt just right

chanyeol let it slip one day when having lunch with kyungsoo and jongin

kyungsoo uncharactheristically asked what he meant with that and chanyeol just brushed it off

“its normal, we’ve been best friends for almost 8 years now”

he didnt missed his 2 friends who were an actual soulmates couple eyeing each other

he and baekhyun had their affairs throughout the years

some ended pretty badly, but at the end of the day, chanyeol and baekhyun would always be together sharing some snacks or watching a movie or playing video games

all of their friends thought they were both really dense not to wonder if the 2 of them were soulmates

chanyeol would never voice it out but despite not liking the whole soulmates thingy a lot he wouldnt mind being 'chained’ with his soulmate if said soulmate was baekhyun

baekhyun was tired of failed relationships

he wasnt really hurt or heartbroken just tired

one day he said that to minseok and jongdae (they were in a cafe on campus during lunch break and baekhyun had a recent break up and he accidentally blurted out)

“sometimes i wish chanyeol was my soulmate”

the 3 men stood quiet for a few moments

“maybe he is your soulmate” said minseok

when baekhyun looks shocked and they start a conversation about the topic, jongdae looks exhausted

because duh his 2 best friends have been painfully pinning for each other for the past 8 years and fucking finally one them is considering the idea that yeah maybe they are actual soulmates

minseok points out to baekhyun that it is totally possible that they are soulmates and dont know it yet even though they know each other since they were 13 because baekhyun and chanyeol never saw the other markings

“jongdae is the only friend i ever showed my tattoo”

it is true becaeuse jongdae is a little shit that always brothered baekhyun to see his tattoo

baekhyun becomes an emotional mess because what if chanyeol isnt his soulmate

when jongdae and minseok are walking off the cafe hand in hand being the cute soulmates they are, baekhyun asks the youngest if he also has seen chanyeols tattoo

he said he never got the chance and its a lie not even minseok knows about

baekhyun had no clue on what to do so he do nothing, he just pretends everything is okay

chanyeol does the same

nothing is okay

their friends are tired of it because the 2 brats clearly love each other more than they will ever love anyone else

junmyeon and yixing are the comprehensive couple that tried to convince baekhyun he should talk to chanyeol about the soulmates issue

baekhyun is a little shit and says there is no issue

yifan and zitao are not comprehensive just very straightforward

“you always joke that im your dad so im being a dad right now when i say you have to fucking man up and accept the fact that maybe baekhyun is your soulmate and talk to him about it”

chanyeol was surprised people think he and baekhyun can be soulmates

he freaks out on what to do about the possibility

zitao curses because they are literally saying what he should do

its a long afternoon with the 'taoris couple’ and chanyeol is a bit terrified

he never really wanted a soulmate

he kinda realised that at least for the past years the reason he didnt needed a soulmate was because he already had baekhyun

he also realised he never wanted to lose baekhyun, soulmates or not

things between them started to get a bit awkward cause they realised their friends had been talking to both of them about the so called soulmates issue (still they dont talk about it)

chanyeol decided he wouldnt run from all this drama on a very specific night

they were at sehun parents house because he and luhan were announcing their engagement

everyone thought they were very young, too young (sehun was 19)

but they werent getting married just yet, they would wait until sehun graduated and well they were together since they found out the tulip on sehun chest matched the one in luhan biceps when the younger was 15

the whole event made chanyeol think about his future and baekhyun

they were both very emotional that night and maybe it wasnt a good idea to discuss the thing at the moment, but as soon as they set foot in the living room of their shared apartment chanyeol asked baekhyun he wanted to see his tattoo

baekhyun freezed for a few moments, he got so nervous he couldnt even muster one of his witty comebacks

“why this all of a sudden?”

chanyeol didnt answer and for a few seconds they just stared at each other eyes and had that thing they had since they met when they talk trough their eyes and both looked so exhausted

“i can show mine too if you want, i just… have to know” it was almost a whisper

they touch their respective wrists at the same time, untying the cloth, letting it fall on the floor

they never felt more synchronized, going through the same variety of feelings when seeing each other tattoos, the matching suns that never looked more bright and alive

it felt like hours until baekhyun said “now its the moment we kiss and confess our love for each other”

and chanyeol cupped baekhyun face and they kissed and then they made love until the sun was rising again

“i’m really really glad my soulmate is the person i love the most in the universe”

“you are the only soulmate i ever wanted to have”

and things go naturally just like everything between them

they are still the best friends

and 2 years later is natural that chanyeol proposed to baekhyun and its natural that baekhyun said yes

they were bonded

not only because of that identical firy sparkling suns on their right wrists

but also because they fell in love with each other not knowing they were soulmates

that was the biggest proof they were soulmates

“i would search the universe if i had to find you again”

they repeated that sentence over and over again throughout their life together

cause yes they lived happily ever after

#what is this #idk #i love chanbaek sm #and universe is beautiful #im so sorry #exo scenarios #chanbaek scenarios #chanbaek #exo #kpop scenes #kpop ships #chanbaek au #chanyeol #baekhyun #baekhyun scenarios #chanyeol scenarios #kpop scenarios #kpop

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bookworm-2692 · 6 years

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8, 14, 17 for the dnd asks!

thank you!!!!

8: what does your dream dice set look like?

hmmm i’m not sure…. definitely blue. probably that etheral yeti one miho sent yesterday that i fell in love with haha they’re so pretty!!!!!

14: what inspired you to make your character?

i guess i’ll go through each of them.

norixius kava, dragonborn paladin (out of the abyss). this was my first one and i had no idea how dnd worked haha at all. in the car on the way to my cousins place, i was driving, and my dad and brother were reading through the books and talking about the races and classes and stuff and explaining to me bc obvi i couldnt read them bc i was driving haha. anyway we got to my cousins place and each of them paired up w the three of us to help make our first characters and we rolled for stats and they asked if i had anything i wanted to play and i was like “idk dragonborn sounds really cool” and they were like thats as good a reason as any, and then they suggested paladin would work well w my stats so i was like sure why not and did it haha. she survived the campaign, to level 11

matilda, human monk (curse of strahd). this was point buy system. i had mentioned seeing a homebrew avatar thing, so one of my cousins mentioned how way of the four elements monk is like the avatar, so i read through it and thought it sounded cool. i took the mobile feat, and went way of open hand instead. in this campaign we had a fight where four characters died outright (three deaths due to natural 1s in the death saves) and only two survived, including matilda. the dm mentioned taking the dead people to another room to discuss what to do and i was like “nah brian and i will just move since we’re the only alive one and theres more of you”. they ended up becoming revernants (idk spelling) but i suggested adding a caveat in place where every time you died as a revernant, you lost 1hp from your max, which we did. we then abandoned this campaign after 4 levels bc my uncle who was dm-ing was having trouble finding the time to read the campaign

jamnugget, gnome fighter (arcane archer) (storm kings thunder). this was rolling stats. one cousin rolled between 13 and 18 for every stat, and after race ability improvements got all 14-18…. so he multiclassed all of them and got to level 12 as one of each class it was a beautiful amalgamation (omg i spelt that correctly first try haha). then someone else rolled three single digit stats but was told he wasnt allowed to reroll so he became a druid for wildshape. he had -2 con, so only adding 3hp per level, starting at 6hp. 3rd level before he got double digits. if you averaged the rolls of these two you got normal stats haha. anyway onto my character. my cousin suggested the arcane archer thing on unearthed arcana so i was like “sure ok”. turns out you only got two magic arrows per rest thing and they werent very good so i hardly used them. the sharpshooter feat was way better. the best part tho was bc we were fighting so many giants, at one point someone cast fly on me, someone else cast greater invisibility on me, someone else gave me bless, so then i went in a chased a giant just shooting him on my own while everyone else was doing something else it was great. i also accidentally succeeded on an intimidation check bc an npc was saying “im sure we could handle a giant” when we asked about that and i was like “ive killed 15 myself” (bc we were keeping tallies on our sheets) and the guy panicked bc was technically in an alliance w them whoops. jamnugget survived the campaign. six of the seven original characters survived to the end, my brother went through four characters

maegrakka, half elf barbarian. we were told to make characters for a quick one shot dungeon thing for when storm kings thunder dm wasnt able to make it. so i made a barbarian bc i decided that was something i hadnt done yet and would be easy to just make (no spells. i have a strong aversion to spell casters). i think shes level 3 now???? every time we play this everyones like “wait whats my character again” bc its so long in between haha

nissa, human rogue 1 monk 2. one shot a friend wanted to dm before he moved to canberra. it was very fun. i made a monk bc i was desperate to play again bc matilda had been abandoned. i added a rogue level for sneak attack damage, w mobile feat, it was great

clover, human fighter 11 or 12, monk 3 or 4. level 15 fight to the death situation. i knew how powerful the arcane archer stuff was so i did it here. monk levels were to give me back up in case i got engaged in melee. i shouldve had some sort of healing that was my downfall. my first character to die bc three of them were ganging up on me!!

meredith, elf wizard (tomb of annihilation). we started off playing as commoners, as servants to this lord guy. so i was a librarian and realised id have to be a wizard dammit. i hated the spell casting part haha. she died. its funny bc my dads character died at first level, then we levelled up. brians character died at second level, then we levelled up. they were also sitting next to each other. i was sitting in the next seat along so was worried i was also gonna die… then my brother took that seat and died instead. so i was like there is definitely a curse. i was in the next seat along, and then one of my cousins. then came a fight where my cousin next to me turned to stone and then i died. turns out he could come back to life so the death seat thing continued. we levelled up to level 4 after my brother and i died in separate sessions in the same location. also my dad and brian died in the same location in separate session. so now theres multiple patterns - theres the “someone needs to die to level up” thing, and the death seat thing, and the two characters dying in the same location in separate sessions thing. w my cousin who got turned to stone, i keep on insisting he stays in the death seat bc either he dies (death seat) or he doesnt (he tricked death w the stone thing so is now immune), and if he doesnt die either it skips him and my uncle dies, or no one else dies ever. its very exciting haha. also w this campaign theres a map thing only the og characters can see and we’re joking how now only three characters left can see it and you can see how my cousin the dm is getting worried that we’ll all die haha. also the campaign is about how the og characters lord got sick and we need to find a cure, but once the og characters die then who cares about the random lord? itll be very funny haha

elenoa, tabaxi monk (tomb of annihilation). since i started at level 4 here, and matildas campaign got abandoned at level 4, it felt fitting to play a monk again. no mobile feat yet, but im playing the sun soul monk from xanathars which gives a radiant punch w a range of 30 ft so i dont need to get close to punch and then use mobile to run away.

i havent even talked about where the names for each one came from….. maybe another time if asked……..

17: what is your favourite race?

idk actually. the only races ive ever played multiple times are humans, but altogether ive played longer as a dragonborn or gnome than human so like. theres not super much difference in the races in phb, like its just flavour. the new races and stuff have heaps extra stuff, but tabaxi is the only one of them ive ever played and only two sessions so far. i think humans are cool bc you get a feat at level 1 haha but other than that theres not really much difference in them yknow? races w darkvision make things easier too haha but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

thank you for these asks!!! it took so long to respond haha im gonna be late to uni now (bc still in pjs havent made lunch or brushed teeth or anything and if i wanna be on time i gotta leave in the next 15 minutes so maybe ill just…… skip this lecture lol idk haha

#ask #lebannabell #dnd #thank you so much for the asks tho!!!!

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meloncholy-archive · 4 years

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maybe i do get better

there i was, reading haikyuu fanfiction—

(specifically anything with oikawa. hes a chaotic gay and doesnt know what to do with himself so felt.)

i was expecting enough fluff to get me idealizing my next relationship

(considering my tendency to project my own insecurities into people, the idealization unfortunately comes free with no cost)

or enough smut to get me rutting against a pillow.

(i wish i had an explanation for the pillow rutting but im just lazy and hate being messy with normal masturbation)

unfortunately, all i got was a few soul crushing realizations about my life where at the moment, The Eternal Mood is just: can the ground swallow me whole right now? can the inexorable tide wash over and take my body with it? is it possible for me to drown except not feel the pain of drowing because having water in your lungs is actually a bitch and choking hurts and why tf would anyone want to die like that?

(i want my last death moments to be a beautiful tradegy that you’d think shakespeare would write about. or like hemingway! no idea how that dude writes but hes always sounded fancy and suave in my head.)

(last side note: the funeral should be a Grand Thing because its my time to shine and i hope my sister doesnt steal my thunder, even in death. what a bitch.)

anyway. coming of age.

the realization is as follows:

i dont think i really loved [redacted] as much as i thought i did

i know i dont have to say redacted but its weird saying his name now. not that i still have any sort of attachment to him. even now, i just think he was important to my life but i dont hold any value for him anymore.

he was someone i once called home but ive later on realized my coming of age came moreso after our breakup when i learned to let go of all my stupid kiddie highschool fantasies and started really looking at my life and seeing its worth.

as anyone has probably guessed from an outside lense, we werent fit. like i used to think “opposites attract” but we werent just opposite, you know? it was like as if we were on 2 different planes of thought.... if those 2 planes were from different alternate universes. its like we knew each other but also, did we really.

we spent years together yet i couldnt even get him to fully trust me to just be okay with letting go and telling me whats wrong with him. but in turn, its not like i fully trusted him too. at the back of my head, even from the start, was an almost gnawing, aching feeling of—

“you’re not right for each other” “he’s gonna cheat on you” “you’re going to breakup eventually” “well, might as well enjoy it while it lasts”

i think thats why i had a lot of moments w him where we’d just look at each other and say (mostly in between the lines): should we even still be doing this? are we really just gonna keep holding on like this?

sure, we cared about each other. there was love, of course. and in some very vulnerable moments, i did genuinely think i was undeniably in love there and i think he did too.

but he was a projection of all my self-hate issues and an idealization i had for stability in life. like when the dust settles,

my subconscious would think: at least one (1) person out there loves me. at least i know someone will always listen to me. at least there is somebody out there who would be willing to do anything for me.

but now that im out of it, i realized i loved more the idea that somebody loved me than i actually loved the person. hell, i spent so much time asking him to not let go just yet and be beck and call just to appease him.

(its pathetic, i know. i talk a big game of independence but LISTEN, im really terrible at it........)

i dont know about him and where his true feelings lie for me but as i have realized for years and never told anyone, he was never someone that was “willing to do anything for me.” he did things for me out of obligation. i think that hurt for me a lot to think too deeply about.

we were really just.. two people that were just seeking comfort in each other and holding on so fuckin tight for that short while there. i deluded myself a lot into thinking hes always going to be there for me and hes the love of my life but you know? we’ve always been passerby’s to each other. we didnt emotionally connect as well as i told everyone. our talks werent as deep as i wished. he couldnt get out of his shell, even with me. hell, i never even fully felt like myself in our entire sex life. i told you. i was at beck and call. hes finished? thats fine. want to just use me and it doesnt matter if i climax? ok, whatever. too tired to top? ok, i’ll do it. skip out the foreplay? ok, thats cool. want to just have me get on my knees? fine, i’ll do it. i’ll do everything.

it was... a moment... in time. we were hanging by a thread. you know before the actual breakup, we actually almost broke up like 3 times? at the end of the year usually. i guess that was us thinking: do we really want to prolong this any longer and for another year at that?

but its weird, right? i knew we’d breakup eventually but it didnt mean it didnt hurt still to have someone leave. leaving always hurts and being cheated on will always be a terrible feeling. but you know whats funny? regarding the cheating thing? i think what came out more from that was my self-hate issues. being with him felt like someone choosing me despite all my imperfections. i wanted an unconditional love, basically. but him cheating on me felt like me still not amounting to anything because big surprise! he chose someone else anyway! he won the breakup! hes the victor! you were always a reacher! he was a settler! you never good enough for anyone!

its terrible. i have a lot of issues.

despite everything, this isnt a post to say “all this time, i didnt love him.” thats not true at all. as i said: hes still someone important and i did genuinely think for a while there that he, for all intents and purposes, was the love of my life. but as i also said: i dont think i loved him as much as i thought i did.

in fact, in all our 3 and a half years together, i actually think i hated myself more than i ever actually loved him (as grueling and depressing as it sounds).

the point of this post is currently at: ???. this really isnt even just me finally admit everything ive realized the past 2 years since 2018. jeez, this isnt even a post to say im fully okay with myself.

ive been good, i guess. and im glad to finally learn to do things purely for myself, be okay with being alone and out of that funk (a bit). im happy to have good friends, the life i have and the existence of menthol cigarettes.

but i dont know, im 21, you know? im starting to realize im so fuckin young and i dont have to have everything figured out all the time. i dont need to rush myself into being the best version of myself because everyday, i’ll always be a little bit better than i was and thats okay, too.

and guess what? ive started to stop thinking of the “what ifs.” the what if i stayed in a relationship w him, what if i took things more seriously than i did at the time, what if i actually listened more and stopped talking during those 3 and a half years.

ive started to take the “what ifs” for the future instead. and god, i have a lot of “what ifs” now for what lies ahead (and this time, im doing this for me).

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coolmiddlename · 7 years

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adventure time season 7 part 1 review

aaaaaaaaaa

we finished the king of ooo arc!!!!!! all the way to the end of stakes!!!

anyway as u can tell from my excitement we had a blast. i think this is one of the most emotionally sincere parts of adventure time, and many of the episodes made me laugh far more than i ever did during season 6, so theyve very welcome. yeah, some eps at the start of season 7 are lacking laughs or visual cues due to lazy storyboarding, but there are plenty of excellent parts to make good for it... and the finale totally gripped me.

lets go through the episodes and try to describe what i found exciting:

Bonnie and Neddy - theres just something really touching about this episode. seeing finn and jake in those armored suits is a little silly but good setbuilding for the king of monarchy the king of ooo is trying to run, and transitioning from finns description about the brilliance of the water to the king of ooo making a scam of it, pretty damn funny. but what was better was the backstory presented in this episode... bonnie descends from the mother gum into a new world full of promise and life, destiny child that she is, whereas neddy experiences terror and overstimulation. and seeing her just... worry about him, get sad when he didnt recognise her but protect him w the song and bring him home, man i loved it

Varmints - i dont think we ever got a bubbline episode THIS expressive before or since, not even in stakes. the humor was SO ON POINT that i was rolling on the ground while the emotional trains of thought the chars were going through was presented so well, there was no ambiguity that wasnt deliberately placed. king of ooo in the costumes was a nice chuckle and also set in place that peebles as a princess had waaaay more power than whatever the “king of ooo” was before to the extent he sees her clothes as symbols of that strength. i swear hes literally named that by his parents. anyway shes in the denial/bargaining stage of grief and falls into the depression stage after her hat is stolen and she remembers everything she lost, also i love this ep cos they were so EXPRESSIVE. probably the best pb ep...ever? at least until season 8′s jelly beans have power. emotion is something deeply missing from stakes, which ill get into in a moment.

the other three eps - i wanted 2 make a paragraph for each of the other three eps but they didnt stand out enough... HOWEVER, over time ive come to enjoy the strangely domestic nature of Dirt Beer Guy a lot more, also i like Mama Said for being a sweet lil Canyon ep that goes into what finn and jake think of their new job... Football was the most standout of all, just something unsettling about seeing bmo argue with its own inner psyche i mean football. enjoyable, uncomfortable, cute.

Stakes - what a heartfelt insight into the past of marceline, her history as a vampire and perspective on the present... lets talk a bit about the strengths and weaknesses of stakes.

I felt that the miniseries handled Marceline’s past as a vampire hunter, as a young girl who had just been abandoned, and as a toddler with her mother.... it pulled at the heartstrings in a way AT rarely does. my favourite part of this backstory was marceline’s relationship with the bunny girl, who weve come to believe is finn’s ancestor.

i also felt it was glorious folowup to the season 6 ending and a pretty good use of having all the characters without any responsibilities to the candy kingdom. they went on a vampire hunting adventure together which was sweet.

my favourite scenes of the actual miniseries were the ones that involved the vampires... ice king not being brainwashed was a funny twist that i saw coming immediately, and marceline’s vengeance on her felt real, as did her struggle the moon was intimidating as heck and finn and jake were so bad at taking her out. the heirophant’s transformations were really cool, thanks emily partridge for that, and the VAMPIRE KING? hooo boy. star of the show. everything he did was just so wackyzany and unpredictable, and yet so meditated that it feels like he may be the greatest thinker in the show. he reminds me of zaheer, talking to a frustrated korra. since marceline looks and acts like korra throughout this miniseries the comparison is strong.

as for other elements, my favourite parts were the ones where pb either did something goofy or morbid or fucked up the king of ooo. if looks could kill... “A MONARCHY IS NOT A DEMOCRACY!!!” BAM. so satisfying. and all the candy people hugging her, and her lil breakdown over marcy while pepbut prepares the magic. PEPPERMINT BUTLER, this miniseries sealed my love for him which only grew after Jelly Beans Have Power in season 8.

the funiest part of this miniseries were finn and jake, and the best episode was Checkmate. the fart speech scene got so many laughs out of me and then peeblles joined in and said it waS EMERGENCY TALK ONLY AND THEN THE VAMPIRE KING HOLDS HIS NOSE OUT OF STENCH and yeah for all the above reasons, the vampire king, the humor, Checkmate is the best episode. All of Finn and Jake’s other scenes were also amazing. they were fucking useless in this miniseries which, apparently, is where their humor shines most.

...which leads to my CRITICISM: a lack of expression and humor during key scenes. this is mostly related to marceline, but also to bubblegum esp at the start. there were many scenes that held the same angle for to long where they were talking about their feelings, but their faces werent changing, and it was just... visually uninteresting, didnt feel as expressive as it could have been, especially after the brilliant faces in Varmints. marceline is usually such an expressive character, seeing her standing still and rambling was so meh. which is why her flashback scenes - so full of character - are superior to any scene shes in within the present day. i mean, jesus, she literally says she feels love for pb in the most deadpan and blande way. peebles can get away with it, cos she has some KILLER faces later (that one at the king of ooo) and has always been relatively expressionless, also her actions speak volumes. marceline’s strongest expressions (in the present) were when she desperately tried to kill the Empress and the Vampire King, which makes them my favourite scenes for her.

i think Everything Stays is the defining song of adventure time. It encapsulates our experience with the whole show; AT usually builds up dramatic plots, only to anticlimactically return to the “status quo”, but what we realise later is that everyone is still affected, everyone is still changing. the princess has her kingdom back, but she’s not going to take her position for granted anymore, and has averted from her dark path for now. ice king is still the ice king, but he’s now building up some friends and finding genuine happiness in the land of ooo. finn lost his father again and got his arm back (for the time being), but he feels way less burdened by his emotions that he used to, far more grown. and the same goes for marceline... even though shes a vampire again, shes no longer as burdened by her past. she’s come to terms with it.

even though the characters return back to normal at the end of stakes, islands, elements, the things they have gone through will remain with them and shape who they become. in recent times? we have been seeing the effects of Elements on the characters of Ooo. how far they’ve been affected we are yet to see, and im excited to find out.

#adventure time #atimers #stakes #everything stays

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ikkanrana · 7 years

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like honestly i dont wanna sound like the worlds grumpiest old man but just.... i keep seeing all these posts about “if someone shows you a video/sends you a song/starts talking about something theyre in to you Really Should Watch/Listen/Hear them out” and absolutely, like real if you get a song sent for example its not to force it on to you or nothing its just a kind gesture and a “hey this is good maybe you’ll like it too if you wanna listen” kinda thing which is like??? totally fine and what pals do lmao but also personally i feel there is a line where a certain thing just do not interest you and maybe you dont want to listen to that certain song sent or whatever and its not a personal attack or diss against the one sending you the content/wanting to talk to about a certain subject but i feel it often gets taken in that sort of way?? which oki fair enough if youre very in to something and open up and share its a bit personal on some level, but honestly if you say share your fav 20 min long youtube clip maybe the one you sent it too wont find it as funny or just do not have the energy or are in a state to actually sit through it.. you cant force something upon someone which is like.. my entire point lkdagn sometimes you might simply just not have the energy to get involved in a discussion or dive in to stuff youre not super hype about, and there are a lot of those times you politely tell the person that “thats nice tho its not really my thing and i cant really contribute to this discussion” and call it an end there but STILL get bombarded with content that you simply do not have the energy or want to go through at the moment or maybe ever becuse its?? simply just nor cup of tea??? we all have our own fav clips or fav songs or fav whatever like thats just how it is like friends doesnt have to be in to the same fandoms or the same music or shows or books, but theres like a line you can cross and make them uncomfortable with you gushing about something they have absolutely no idea how to respond too, i probably have done it a billion times and i bet you have too it happens if youre very passionate about something sometimes its hard to stop talking about it (believe me i know) but like... what at least personally makes me super uncomfortable are people sending stuff and literally sit around and WAIT for me to watch/read/look at it when ive told them “aw well might not be my thing/not really up for it” because it just puts pressure on you to engage in something and Rate And Comment on stuff you literally do not have the energy or want to be involved in again listen im not saying getting a song sent with a “this is real good :^)” message is like The ENd Of The World thats how you find new good stuff and maybe something you really enjoy and pals who apparently also enjoy it you feel, thats normal human fucking interaction sending each other The Good Content what im saying is (and again i cant speak for anyone else it just rubbed me a little bit in the wrong way reading like five of these kinda posts in a row) if someone isnt interested in the same things you are its not a personal insult or attack on your taste or likes. its the furthest from, and you cant expect everyone to like everything you do because thats just not how it works not even between pals tbh so you cant sit around and literally WAIT for this person to return with a ~review~ of something that they clearly werent very in to to begin with because that is, to be honest, the most stressful shit ever and personally it makes me so so uneasy (and especially when it comes to like.. personal work?? like writing or art or whatever because then its like youre asking me to review something Super Personal and what am i to say if its not up my alley you feel??? if i havent asked to get updated or like “please show me when its done” of course) and the content doesnt have to be bad not in the least but some things just dont interests you and thats how it is if i send someone a vip or whatever of art i never sit around and expect Praise or a Review on it, and like sure i get the want to share stuff youve done with others like of course!!! and you should advertise for yourself and show off your works (most people here have it as their fucking income source so like of course) but idk this turned out longer than i intended it to and its just ramble at this point but OKI summan av kardemumman: dont force stuff on to others, i get that a compliment is nice to get and i get that its nice showing off something youve made or something you like or just the want to share a youtube vid now and then but like... PLEASE dont force it on to your friends, and if they dont want to its not about you its so far away from any form of personal attack its just simply them not wanting/being able to you feel??? keep sharing content with each other and recommend good stuff to your pals but please dont corner anyone in to something theyre not willing to get involved in and on the other hand sometimes take one for the team tbh im not saying you should bat away everything people is willing to share with you, cause thats like... a totally different kind of bleh but yeah and tbh some times it might turn out you actually ARE in to it, so yeah dont be a dick that way either obviously again i can only speak for myself and honestly im not really up for discussing anything just wanted to vent some because there were so many posts in the tone of “hey if someone tells you something about something you should put effort in to researching some and be part of the discussion every time because its terrible being shot down for something youre interested in” which, lmao listen i KNOW how it feels getting laughed at or ridiculed for liking A Thing but again we all have to remember that its not about us all the time, sometimes people just simply do not have the energy to go research space facts or watch your fav youtuber for 22 mins just cause you wanna talk about it at 11pm like... we all gotta be conscious about each other u feel

#personligt #long post

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spobycavanaugh · 5 years

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Chapter 12 of “The Avengers Group Chat” is Up!

Chapter 12 of “The Avengers Group Chat” is now on AO3! Read it Here on AO3!

Chapter is also under the cut.

Clint: oh shit oh shit oh shit

Clint: what the fuck do we do now???

Sam: Maybe we stop texting each other and just TALK since that we’re all RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER

Clint: no way man this texting thing is the only thing preserving my sanity

buckyhampalace: That was a pretty big word for your mouth there Clint

Clint: SHUTUP

Natasha: There’s no way you idiots can handle this. I’m tapping out of the mission and coming back. Fury can send Hill in.

Clint: nO you definitely don’t need to come back nat

Natasha: Too bad, someone has to discipline you morons.

Clint: oh fuck shes gonna kill us

Rhodey: Yeah, unless Tony beats her to it.

underoos: haha u guys r so screwed

Clint: bitch…

Sam: What the hell man? You’re the one blasted the hole in the floor in the first place. If anyone here is screwed, it’s you.

underoos: that’s where ur wrong mr rhodes. mr stark loves me so im safe. hes gonna kill u guys for letting me in his lab

Clint: the kid played us dirty

Sam: what the fuck.

Rhodey: That doesn’t matter now. We need to find a way to fix this damn floor.

Clint: i can call a floor guy?

buckyhampalace: What the hell is a floor guy?

scarletbitch: Do you mean a carpenter?

Clint: yeah whatever

underoos: earth’s mightiest heroes, everyone

Clint: FUCK YOU YOU UGLY SPIDER IF IT WERENT FOR YOU TONY WOULDN’T BE FUCKING EATING OUR DICKS FOR BREAKFAST

Natasha: That sounds much more sexual than you meant.

Clint: OH FUCK NO

Clint: NO

buckyhampalace: I DID NOT NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE.

underoos: EWWWWWW

underoos: CLINT IM A MINOR THAT’S ILLEGAL

Clint: I DON’T THINK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL US THAT

underoos: WELL YOU GUYS KNEW IT ANYWAY

Sam: WILL YOU BITCHES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL A FUCKING CARPENTER ALREADY?

scarletbitch: wait do not call a carpenter. civilians will find it very suspicious that a normal man is walking into the avengers compound. Besides will a carpenter really come at this unholy hour?

Clint: that’s usually when people climax, so

buckyhampalace: That’s disgusting.

Sam: Well then what the fuck do you want us to do?

scarletbitch: how am I supposed to know I am not the one who blasted the hole in the floor!

underoos: IM SORRY

Clint: wanda if you just USED YOUR FUCKING POWERS then this shit could have been fixed by now

scarletbitch: I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX A FLOOR. I HAVE A DEGREE IN ART HISTORY NOT CARPENTRY

Clint: WHAT THE FUCK WHY ART HISTORY THAT’S THE WORST KIND OF HISTORY

Sam: WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD YOU WANT A DEGREE IN THAT

scarletbitch: LEAVE ME ALONE YOU UGLY OSTRICHES

buckyhampalace: I have to admit it’s really funny to watch you guys stand in a circle, completely silent while typing furiously on your phones while the kid hyperventilates about the hole he busted in his dad’s floor

underoos: UM

Sam: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA

underoos: MR STARK ISNT MY DAD MR BUCKY WINTER BARNES SIR

buckyhampalace: He’s not?

Sam: NOPE

Clint: its fine dude we all thought it at one point

underoos: YOU DID?

Clint: yeah lmao

buckyhampalace: Sorry kid

underoos: its ok mr bucky sir

buckyhampalace: Just call me Bucky

underoos: ok sir

Clint: HA

Natasha: If you idiots are done discussing who Tony stuck his dick in, maybe get back to solving the problem about THE GAPING HOLE IN THE FLOOR

Clint: YES MA’AM

Steve: Thor is here.

underoos: maybe mr thor can fix the floor!

Sam: Right, because the god of thunder has a college degree in general carpentry

Steve: He brought a guest.

Sam: Well the guest better be a fucking carpenter or else I’m fucking pushing them down this hole

buckyhampalace: I mean, wouldn’t an engineer be more useful here?

Sam: Since when are you an expert on floors, asshole

buckyhampalace: I hate you

underoos: OMG I SEE MR THOR

Rhodey: is that fucking loki with him?

buckyhampalace: Who the hell is Loki?

Steve: Thor’s brother. We fought him a few years ago when he attacked New York City.

buckyhampalace: What the fuck

Clint: my thoughts every day

Rhodey: Why is Loki with him?

Clint: someone get this bitch a phone so that he can text us

Thor: Hello everyone.

Rhodey: …

Natasha: Everyone say “Hi Thor”.

Rhodey: Hi Thor.

Sam: Hi Thor

Clint: hi thor

underoos: OMG HI MR THOR SIJFHIFHDFJSHGERHB

buckyhampalace: Hi Thor.

Steve: Hi Thor.

Thor: I have brought my dear brother with me.

Clint: ew why

Rhodey: Here, let me get Loki a phone so he can speak for himself.

Thor: Why do we not just all talk? We are all in the same room.

Clint: because it’s the twenty first century bitch

Thor: Fair enough.

Loki: Hello.

Sam: does anyone else smell some shit in here?

Natasha: Be nice.

Loki: I am not here to harm you. I swear on my right to the throne.

Clint: but ur not getting the throne. thor is gonna be king

Thor: I am king now, Hawkeye.

Loki: Until I kill him.

Sam: See, this is why no one fucking trusts you

Loki: Relax, you naïve fools. I am not going to hurt any of you. Thor and I need a place to stay for a while.

Natasha: I thought you said you were king, Thor?

Thor: I am. But a series of unfortunate events led to Asgard being destroyed several weeks ago, and now I ask that you provide hospitality for my brother.

Sam: Is that why when you got here a little while ago your hair was fucked, you were missing an eye, and you have no hammer?

Rhodey: I thought we agreed no one was going to bring that up unless Thor started talking about it first.

Clint: well we’re gonna be housing his bitchass brother, i think we deserve to know what the fuck happened to turn them into hobos

Rhodey: Clint, be more sensible.

Clint: fuck that

Thor: It’s alright War Machine. To make a long story short, our Father told us that we have an evil sister who was imprisoned, and she was coming back and was going to try to take over Asgard. Then he died, leaving us to our own devices. Then our sister returned, broke my hammer, sent us to another planet where the Hulk and our personal drunk hero was, we started a revolution and left, went back to Asgard where I lost an eye and brought upon Ragnarok which destroyed our planet and now me, Loki, and the entire population of Asgard need a place to stay.

Sam: What the actual fuck?

Rhodey: So that’s why when you showed up a few weeks ago, you looked like fucking trash.

Thor: Exactly!

Clint: so youre basically house hunting for asgard now?

Thor: That’s one way to put it.

Clint: yeah sorry man i don’t think assgard will fit in the compound or my apartment so

Thor: That is quite alright Hawkeye. I’ve already found a home for Asgard. Canada is in desperate need of more people, so I’ve sent them all there.

Sam: Wow.

Clint: well thor my dude, youre gonna have to ask tony if u and ur edgy brother can stay here because none of us here call the shots

Thor: That makes sense. Where is Stark, anyway?

Rhodey: He’s not here. As you can probably tell by the gaping hole in the floor.

Thor: Ah, yes, I was wondering about that.

underoos: mr thor mr sir can u help us fix the floor???

Thor: I’m afraid I cannot, Spider Boy.

Loki: I believe I can.

Clint: bitch YOU?

Loki: Why yes, I can. I’ve spent years attempting to murder my brother, so I’ve picked up a few things on the way.

underoos: o

Loki: Now if you would be so kind as to give me a few minutes, I should be able to fix your floor.

Clint: uM

Steve: Wow.

Sam: Holy shit, he just fixed the floor.

Clint: damn, wanda this bitch is a better wizard than youll ever be]

Sam: Damn, it looks like it was never broken in the first place.

scarletbitch: shut up you ugly toilet snake

Rhodey: I never thought I’d be saying this, but thanks Loki.

Loki: You’re very welcome.

Natasha: We’ll make it sure that Loki will stay here.

#the avengers gc #buskuta #my fic #fanfiction #marvel #the avengers

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