#they still love each other even after all this timw | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

werewolff · 11 months

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I wanna tell a secretttt✋🏻

(anyways I feel like i have mental issue back then but i already stopped doing this since last year so don’t judge me I’m trying to be a better person lmao)

So short story i have this one toxic trait,probably “being manipulative” i already have bf but evrytime a boy approached me, especially on here, i let them talk to me and i gave them attention, motivation and affection, honestly i do that because i just wanted a friend to talked to, I didn’t have any feelings, even though i said to them i have connections or feelings, i lied. plus i love attention they gave to me as well. but once I’m bored with them or if I don’t got what I wanted, i throw them away, i ghost them and cut the connection or if they begging me for not leaving i became so evil and hurt their feelings, that’s why last year i have stalkers because i think some of them still mad at me but won’t leave me alone, some of them threatened me via email or text messages, but I don’t really care fr. Cause they lived so so far away from me.

One time, this boy he dm me trough insta, he lived in another city but pretty close to mine, only took 3 hour driving. I did the same thing to him, we texting, giving each other motivation, it was fun until I realized this bitch has the same personality as me, like broo he sooo manipulative, even i fell for his trapped TWICEE!! in the beginning. I’ve should’ve stopped when I realized it but I felt challenged…LMAO. So I ended up fooled him too i think more than twice.

one time, he wants to visit me after my graduation, i acted up like im happy, but once he’s arrived i ghosted him, and blocked him from insta, I deleted his contact too, he ended up calling me with his other number and when I picked up i said “wait.. who tf is this” and then he’s cried, but he’s not even mad at that timw cause he wants to meet me so bad, afterr that he came to my house giving me a big bouquet of flowers. And I asked him to stay in the city for 1 week only just so I could get free dinner and free riding home and a person to entertain me after a long day at work. After meeting him in real life i know this guy has low self esteem, I’m not even do anything but he’s so nervous. i know how to acted up to make him feel crazy for me, and he fell for it. At the end of the week I felt really done and bored, he also tried to cross my boundaries even though he knows i have bf, this guy is delusional and kinda narcissistic but in real life he’s a coward, he even asked me to meet at the hotel but i never wanted to, lucky me im not that stupid. so short story i dump him I’m telling all the truth, he mad he doesn’t accept what i did, the moment he cursed me, so i said to him he make me feel disgusted and while he still typing I blocked his number. Until now he still trying to get contact to me, he ever msg me he’s sorry and still wanna be friends but nahh i know he prepared for the revenge cause i really fucked him up, he trying to call using different number to call me but i never picked up, trying to follow me using different accounts but i never get bored to blocked him, sometimes I’m scared because after almost 2 months talking with him, i know this guy is kinda vengeful and kinda creepy inside like a psycho, he knows where i lived as well but I swear to god, if he ever approached me ar threatened me, im gonna make him bleed, that’s why i always bring my fabric scissors in my bag cause i love going everywhere alone, it’s stainless steel scissors the tip is not that sharp but enough to hurt someone….but anywayyss ( lol i feel like a psycho sorry)

If u asked me, yea we both wrong. Im toxic too. And if you wondering is my bf know abt this? Yes he is, I confessed everything once I decided to change to be a good person this year, he forgives me and give me a 2nd chance. And no im never do something manipulative or jus using my bf, I really loved him, i think having my bf in my life is the best gift from god, he leads me to a good path and a better person, he’s very patient with me. Now if boys come through my dm with a sexual intention i just don’t reply for good.

But im sure you can picked a lesson from my story, if you notice a person being manipulative, narcissistic… RUN AND LEAVEE!!! Don’t ever beg someone to love you, find someone who loves you the fullest even though you’re not asked for it. And confidence and boundaries is the key so not everyone could use you for their goods

Anyways thank u so much for reading this :)

Wow

First Thing thank u for being honest and u really lucky because your bf forgive u ...if I was him I didn't do it at all but at least u changed and that very good..I wish u stay like that :)

#asks

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mammonswhore · 3 years

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Heyo~ can I get some headcanons for when the brothers' take mc shopping but mc feels guilty or unworthy and think they don't deserve to get gifts or have nice things done for them 😣thank u for being so amazing btw,,

Of course you can! Thank you for the compliment,you are amazing too♥🥺

Brothers react to an MC who feels unworthy and guilty when shopping.

✒Lucifer

He is the type to spoil his lover in special occasions but he knows when is a good timing to take a break and pamper them for being there for him and loving him despite his flaws.

It goes without a saying he is taking you to a high standard mall for shopping.

He is not dumb so he notices right away you are uncomfortable,at first he thinks it us because of all the glares but then he realizes it can't be that.

So he confronts you about it in a very soft way trying not to startle you.

"MC dear,is there something bothering you?"

He hears you sigh and waits for an answer patiently.

"Lucifer you know I love you but I don't feel good having you taking me shopping. It makes me feel weird spending your money just like that and yeah I know I spend part of your money because I live in your house, eat the food that you buy and..."

"MC,be quiet for a few seconds."

He proceeds to hold your hands and look with his signature loving gaze that he saved for you and you only.

He couldn't believe such a beautiful human could be so thoughtful and precious. He pulls one of his hands out of his gloves and lifts it up to caress your face appreciating your beauty.

"You need to have this type of attention, after all you have been through with me and my rowdy brothers it's quite weird that you haven't asked for anything in exchange. You know that you can ask for anything and I will provide it,don't you?"

✒Mammon

Mammon is the type of "I'm spoiling you because I'm about to fuck things up/I fucked things up already" so you know how things go here.

But his way of spoiling is not taking you to a mall and shop you whatever you want,his way is more about "I heard that you wanted this so I bought it for you when you were clearly not looking."

And this time it was different,he was decided to spend part all of his grimm to spoil you and you were not about letting him do that.

"Honey... Do you really want to do this? I don't think spending this much money on clothes for me is that worthy and maybe you can use this money to pay part of your debt with..."

"Cut it,MC. If I say I'm going to spoil you then that's what I am going to do,don't worry about my debts and be cool."

But he couldn't avoid but to notice the look and your eyes when he used his card to pay for something he choose for you.

"MC I will get mad if you don't start enjoying this,it's not every day that the Great Mammon decides to spoil someone with his own money!" He said half jokingly half mad.

"I don't think I deserve this,Mammon."

Oh no,no no no no. He blushes almost immediately and starts mumbling things about how you changed him and that he is spoiling you because he knows you deserve to be treated differently once in a while since you did so many things for him and his brothers.

After all the mumbling you clearly heard he kisses your cheek and tells you to "cut the crap" and buys some ice cream.

✒Leviathan

Levi does not leave his room for more than one or two hours a day so leaving the house with him is a big deal.

You two were heading to the anime store he usually goes to and he decided that he will spend some of his money buying some things anime related that you will like.

When both of you get to the store he tells you to get some things he might like to make it more interesting even tho it's only a tramp. A cute tramp.

Levi is the type to really listen and acknowledge your words so it was not hard for him to pick things for you.

When both of you got to show each other the things you choose,he noticed the look on your face was not what he was expecting.

"Levi you don't have to buy things for me, spend your money on your own things and not on me please."

His face frowns and he is clearly confused about this attitude and asks you to please explain what you mean.

"Well you know... I don't feel like I deserve this type of gift from you."

"What? MC um... I-I love you a-and I do this because I know you w-will like it so don't start acting like a normie now."

Levi looks away from you when saying this and gets the things you choose for him the cashier along with the things he pick.

Sometimes will remember you that he thinks you are the best and that you deserve to get this type of attention once in a while.

✒Satan

He clearly loves to be spoiled,no one can tell me otherwise. He likes to be spoiled with material things that are small such as keychains,rings or bracelets (even if he doesn't wear them,he likes them because in his mind you said "what a cute thing,it reminds me of my boyfriend" and he loves it) and likes to spoil you with more homemade things likes some sort of baking,writing or reading for you.

Still once in a while he likes to spoil you with things that are not the homemade type. Such as this time,he was waiting for you to pick a piece of jewelry you like. He was quick to realize you were just staying there staring at the several pieces of gold and silver in front of you hesitantly.

"Darling,is something wrong with the jewelry?" He asked with a questioning tone, glancing at you with his green eyes.

"Well I don't quite feel comfortable spending your money like this" You said blushing.

He smiled and softened his expression,he placed a hand on the top of your head and patted softly.

"I can afford spoil you every time I want and you need to know that I would not do this if you didn't deserve it. You do more than what you give yourself credit for so quit this behavior and let me treat you like you deserve to be treated."

✒Asmodeus.

He likes both spoil and be spoiled. His favorite way of spoil you is to take you to shopping sprees while he likes to be spoiled with daily things likes cuddles,kisses and taking baths together.

But he always noticed that the shopping sprees were less than what he expected them to be. You always have been careful to not let it slip anytime that you were uncomfortable with being treated that way because you knew he loved to do that for the ones he loves. And this time was not an exception.

"Sweetheart,is something wrong?" He asked almost clueless.

"Well you see,Asmo... I'm not fully comfortable spending your money with things only I can use and enjoy"

Asmodeus chuckled a little and took his lovers hands with a soft smile.

"Darling every time I have the chance to buy something for you I get thrilled with the idea of you wearing something I choose for you and you only. Don't worry about my money. You deserve to be treated like the type of person you are and before you say something I mean that in a very good way."

He kissed both of his partners cheeks and pushed them to keep on shopping reassuring them once in a while that he is thrilled with this.

✒Beelzebub

It all started when he was thinking about all the times MC feed him without complaining, all the times they woke up to his stomach growling and the countless times they made something for him to eat before going to bed. He felt sad that he was not giving back enough so he decided to use part of his money and take them shopping.

MC thought that they were going to the buffet Beel mentioned two days before but they were wrong.

"Surprise! I thought you will like to have some time for yourself so I made a reservation for the spa today,Asmo said you might like it."

He was happy and so was his partner but there was something about then that didn't seem right.

"MC,is everything okay? You don't like it? If you don't like it we can go somewhere else I don't mind."

"Beel,I don't feel like spending your money like this."

Beel was confused about his lover's words. He could only think about making the wrong choice when following Asmo's advice and making things awkward.

"It's not your fault I just don't feel like spending your money like this on me,we can go somewhere else and..."

"MC,do you feel like you don't deserve this?" He asked suddenly realizing.

MC just sighed and looked away from him, they were feeling the guilt build up.

"From all the people I know I honestly think you are one of the few who deserves this type of attention and I'm happy I'm the one proving this to you."

Maybe it was his smile,the soft tone on his voice or his long fingers twitching to hold theirs but MC felt relieved and less uncomfortable going to the spa.

✒Belphegor.

For once he decided to not act like a brat and take MC shopping a few days before their birthday. He was going to make this shopping spree his birthday gift from his part and he was also going to give in to the constant protesting about not leaving the house.

It was a perfect plan,he even asked Lucifer for permission to do his chores later and spend some timw with MC.

But the plan was not perfect for his lover who seemed rather uncomfortable than happy.

"You can pick whatever you want,I will just enjoy and pay,okay?" Was what he said when they arrived to the mall.

"Belphie you know I love you but why don't we go back to the house and do something there?"

He was not having it. His first thought was that they were ashamed but he then realized that they couldn't be ashamed of being seen with him or to receive things from him because he already made gifts from them.

"MC,do you feel like you don't deserve this?"

The answer was shocking,the guilt on MC's eyes was clear as water and the sudden wave of guilt made Belphie look away from them.

"Listen I know I'm not the one for the sweet talk but you do deserve this and it's also a gift from me to you since it's your birthday in a few days so... Please shut up and go shopping."

Belphie was beyond flustered and so was MC. Both of them tried to calm down before going shopping.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me scenarios #obey me asmodeus #obey me barbatos #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me mc #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me leviathan #obey me shall we date

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bjornswoman · 3 years

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His bride

Requested by none.

Author's note: Hey guys! It took me a long timw to finish this one, because I wrote it and deleted it then. It just never seemed perfect. I think that it is nice now. I hope you like it. Thanks for your support. Take care and have a good day!

Pairing: Modern!Ubbe x Reader.

Genre: Modern!au, drama, angst, romance.

Summary: Ubbe and you are getting married.

Warnings: None.

You looked at yourself through the mirror. You looked like a porcelain doll. A princess. The white bridal dress fitted perfectly on your body. It hugged your curves like it should do. Your hair was up in a tightly bun and a veil covered your face. The engagement diamond ring was wrapped tightly around your finger and burning was finger. In a day like this one, your wedding's day, you should be more than happy, but there you stood, looking sad and troubled. This wedding was just a covering. A way for both Ubbe and you to get away of difficult situations.

Your family was the type of family that wanted you or better pressured you to marry. But no any man. A man that would be the right for you. The man who they would choose. That man should be rich, famous, from a 'good' family. You had enough of their bullshit. Well, you had married once due to their pressure. That man was nothing like what you had seen at first. He was a lawyer, a famous one. You thought that he was kind and he would treat you fair, but it was nothing like what you thought. Mason was a drunk. He treated you like you were trash. He had even hit you once and of course that was the moment you divorced him. Your stupid family considered it as an unfortunate moment and tried to find another man that was suitable for you.

You would bear someone like Mason again, so you made a deal with Ubbe who had to marry a good woman for his own reasons. It all happened a night, at a bar. You had never spoken to him before, but you knew him because of his younger brother, Hvitserk. Hvitserk and you were friends and he took his brother, Ubbe, to the bar you used to hang out. That night you were extremely upset with them, because they arranged for you to meet a man. He was sitting on a stool next to you listening to you rumbling about your damned life.

"I just can't relive all this." You had said and downed the liquid that was in your glass. His blue eyes had never left your face. Also, he wasn't bored of your rumbling, he listened to you sipping from his whiskey without interrupt you a bit. You had told him all the story. Everything that he had to know.

"You and me aren't so different us both of us thought." Ubbe had started saying and placed the glass on the table before both of you. "You know my father had built a great empire which me and my brothers have inherited. But there is a little detail that prevents us from taking it. Each brother has to be married in order to take his past of Ragnar's heritage. So to take my share I have to be married and I am not. And you know my mother has to check her, to see whether she's right or not." He continued, shocking you. If he hadn't told you about it, you would have never guessed that he had to marry somebody for taking his share of the heritage. "I am thinking of something a while now." After this he paused for some time. "I feel kind of weird because of what I am proposing to you, but it seems a fair solution for us both. Both of us need to marry for our own reasons. I propose to marry each other for four months. This wedding will be a lie, for me to take my share and for you to gain some money and leave your family behind. What do you thing about it, (Y/N)?" He had asked and drank some of the whiskey inside his glass.

You should have said no. You shouldn't have agreed. But what he was saying was tempting and reasoning. You would be free and away from your family. You agreed and after that night everything happened before you could understand that they were happening.

You signed a contract and for the next two months you fake-dated, but much to you surprise you were going to restaurants or bars and talked. You talked more than him. He liked listening to you. But when you asked him about himself he was hesitated. He wasn't the kind of man who talked about himself. You had only understood he was married before with a woman but he divorced that woman for reasons that were unknown to you. Also, you knew he wanted to have a big family that would have a lot of children. He loved children. Instead of leaving you alone all these two months that you were supposed to date, you were hanging out like two friends would do.

And then happened the worst thing that could have happened; you fell in love with Ubbe. This thing was hurtful, because you knew that Ubbe would never feel the same thing for you. You were desperately in love with him and this wedding wasn't helpful.

Your parents were more than happy because you had chosen a man like Ubbe. Rich, kind, reasonable, famous, coming from such a family. They couldn't see the state you were in. Instead of being happy and blissful, you were miserable and sad. You loved the man you were going to marry because of a deal. This wedding was fake and he didn't love you, but you did and all this thing had become way more complicated than it had already been since the beginning.

You couldn't speak to your famiky, of course, about your problem, they couldn't understand. Only Hvitserk knew the truth, but you couldn't talk to him too. He was Ubbe's brother you were afraid that he would say something to Ubbe.

You sat on the bed and left a heavy sigh. Everything had taken the wrong way. You had fucked up everything with those bloody feelings of yours for Ubbe. The hotel room seemed to be smaller than it was moments ago, when the girls helped you dress and the air started to end. You felt like you couldn't breathe, like this gown on your body tightened and tightened all the time. The ring on your finger made all this even worse than it had already been.

When the door opened you stood up from the bed and forced a smile on your face. Your maids along with your mother and the photographer to take some pictures and get you fully ready for your big day. You wanted to talk to your mother, to tell her how you felt, you wanted her advice but she wouldn't understand you. She had never ever understood you. She took out of her purse a small velvet box, as she did that tears were forming on her eyes. You frowned confused. You had married before but she hadn't given you anything but advice for the first night after the wedding.

"This is a gift from my own mother to me on my wedding day." She told you and take out of the box a necklace. Your mother placed it on your neck and you looked at it and then at her. You were still confused. "I was wrong a lot of times with you (Y/N) and I am sorry. I am giving this to you know, because I think that you deserve it. You will be happy with Ubbe, not because he is a Lothbrok, because he cares for you for real." She continued and you couldn't bear the tears anymore. Tears started streaming down your eyes and she helped you wipe them away. You sat down on the bed again and she told to everyone else in the room to leave you two alone. "Do you want to tell me the reason you cry? Something is wrong and I can sense it. You can talk to me (Y/N)." She continued as she sat next to you. You turned to look at her. She seemed really troubled, like she really cared for your state.

You felt shame because of your huge lie to them, but you had no other choice. They didn't leave you have other choice. You sighed heavy and turned your gaze to your hands.

"I feel like I can't breathe, like this room is getting smaller and smaller, like this dress is tightening and tightening around my body, trying to choke me, is that normal?" You spoke and she smiled. You looked desperately.

"Yes, it is. All of us felt these things on our big day. Just don't think about it. Nothing will change after this day. You love him and he loves you, you will just live together. Only this will change. Now I have to go." She said and caressed your bare shoulder softly. You sighed again.

Only if things happened like this, everything would be easier.

"Ah Ubbe..." You sighed and placed your hand on your forehead. "Why can't you feel what I feel?" You asked desperately.

You stood up afraid when you heard someone couching close to the door. You eyes met two familiar playful green eyes and you smiled. At least you tried to smile.

"How are you best man?" You asked him smiling and wrapped your hands around him in a hug. He let out a laughter.

"I am listening in the bride hoping for the groom to love her, am I right?" He asked. You blushed and looked away. Hvitserk laughed again.

"You - you are and I wanted to tell you, but I was a coward. These - these feelings for Ubbe is mistake and you know the reason. I shouldn't have let myself falling like that. Hvitserk what am I going to do now? How can I live the next four years like that?" You asked and let the tears fall again from your eyes. He hugged you again and caressed your hair.

"You should tell him." He said and you lifted your gaze to look at him. "I mean like real. If you don't talk with him, if you don't tell him your feelings about him, you will never know what he feels for you. Don't act like a teenager because if you dont do it, you will lose him, like real. Just do it." He told you, caressing your cheek. When he finished, he placed a kiss on that same kiss and left you alone again.

Hvitserk was right. You should talk to Ubbe, but the problem was that you couldn't say it. What if he didn't feel the same thing, what would you do?

A knock on the door stopped you from thinking what to do. Your father entered the room with a smile and you forced a smile on your face.

"It's time." He whispered and you walked closer to him. Both of you walked out of the room and went inside the elevator. "If you don't want this wedding to happen, we can stop it. In case you have changed your mind." Your father said again, lookimg at you. You looked at him again. If all this finished here, you would never see him again. Ubbe wouldn't want to see you. You smiled, it was a real smile this time.

"I haven't changed my mind. I want to marry Ubbe." You spoke and stepped out of the elevator with you father next to you.

The car ride was quick. You were tgere in no time. When everyone saw you stood up. Your father wrapped his hand around your arm. Your eyes were to Ubbe, as his own was on you. He looked more elegant than usual. He had always been elegant and handsome, but that day he was more of that two things than any other day. You walked down the aisle next to your father, eyes on Ubbe, hands and body sweating.

"Here, love and protect her." You father said to Ubbe.

"I will." He spoke back to your father and took your hand and looked deep in your eyes. He placed a kiss on your lips. It didn't last as long as you would like, but you could say that he was a good kisser. The best kisser. "I have to tell you something after all this." He whispered to you when he pulled away from you.

But before anything else happen, somebody's voice, a woman's voice, stopped you. Everyone along Ubbe and you turned to look at her. You didn't know her. She was blonde and her eyes were blue, like Ubbe's, but Ubbe's eyes had the most beautiful blue you had ever seen in your life. Nobody had that kind of eyes, only his father, his brother Bjorn and his brother Ivar.

"This wedding can't happen because it's all a lie." She yelled and you frowned. She knew. Somehow she knew the truth and you weren't the one who spoke about it to her, because you didn't know her at all, but even if you knew her, you wouldn't tell. You had told to nobody. So it was Ubbe who told her. You turned your gaze at him. He seemed to know her by the look of his face. He was angry. "Yeah, you heard right. My sweet ex husband and now just lover, Ubbe, is only marrying that little girl because he wants to take his share of his father's heritage and she has her own reasons. Her parents craved to get her married so badly and I can't blame them, look at her. Ubbe, my love, you were right. If it wasn't you, she wouldn't find a man easily." She said and you turned you eyes again to Ubbe. How could you have feelings for that man? He tricked you. He acted all elegand, kind, reasonable, gentle and genuine, but he was just a liar. He was like all the other rich people.

"Get the heck out of here!" He growled and she smirked. His blue eyes met with Hvitserk's green eyes and Hvitserk made his way to her. He tried to take her away from there. She resisted but he was stronger than her.

You didn't know what to say. People were gossiping. Your siblings tried to calm down your parents. You were speechless. Ubbe turned to look at you, but your hand fell violently on his cheek, so hard that his head turned to the said and you hand hurt after the slap.

"How dare you!" You yelled at him and tried to relax for a second. When he turned his head around again, his blue eyes were darker than any other time you had looked at them. Ubbe was even agrier than before but you didn't care. You didn't care at all. "I don't want to see your face even again." You said again and run away from there. You didn't expect him to follow you. After all that you would laugh if someone told you so. But he did.

His strong hand gripped your arm and forced you to turn around and look at him. You resisted, but he was stronger. You spitted on his face and he cleaned himself. You shouldn't have done that, because it only enraged him more than before. You could understand that from the way his grip tightened around your arm.

"Let me go! I don't want to see you ever again! How dare you told her about our deal? And how dare you told all those things for me? You don't even know me! Two months is not a long time, Ubbe Lothbrok! So let me go!" You yelled again. Tears were running down your cheeks without you noticed. His thumb travelled on one of your cheeks and cleaned the tears. Then he did the same to the other. "Don't touch me!" You continued and moved your face away from his thumb, but his strong grip on your arm didn't let you move too far away from him, so he did clean your face from the tears.

"First of all brave enough of you to spit me on the face. It was surprisingly funny. Also, sorry for talking to Margrethe about us. It all happened when I was drunk. Margrethe was my ex wife and it was a mistake that I started seeing her after our divorce, but you have to believe me that I have never spoke shit about you. I enjoy your company." He told you, looking straight into your eyes. You believed him. He was telling the truth. You could see through his eyes that he meant each word he said. Ubbe placed his hand on your cheek.

"Why did you divorce that woman?" You asked him the question that was on your mind all this time. He had told you before that he had divorced his former wife, but he had never really told you the reason and you hadn't asked. You saw Ubbe tensing up, but he didn't refused.

"She wasn't who I thought se was. After our wedding I saw the real face of hers. She is an ambitious woman who craves only money. I did everything she asked. I even shared her with Hvitserk." He answered and you felt disgusted. You knew that they used to share woman, but you didn't know that Ubbe shared with Hvitserk his wife. "Will you forgive me?" He asked again and you sighed.

"I don't know if I can." You started saying. You were going to spill the truth about your feelings. He clearly wasn't feeling the same towards you, but you couldn't keep it amy longer in you. You had to say it, to take out of you. "You betrayed my feelings." You said again and he frowned confused. "I developed feelings for you. I - I can't get you out of my mind. I know - I know that we had agreed no feelings but I can't define my feelings. I know that you don't feel the same, you don't have to reject me nicely. I just needed to tell you to take it out of me. Hvitserk told me to—" You were rambling, but his lips on yours stopped you. You were surprised at first, but you leaned in his kiss. The best kiss you had even had in your whole life. He was kissing you hungrily, bitting your lip. You moaned within the kiss and he entered his tongue in your mouth. "What was that?" You spoke within your heavy breaths, as you tried to breathe normally. Ubbe smirked.

"That was my way to shut you down and tell you that I fancy you, woman." He answered amd you felt confused.

"What?" You asked shocked and he smirked again.

"I like you, pet, like real." He spoke and you smiled. You wrapped his both hands around your waist and pulled you closer to him. "That was what I wanted to tell you after the ceremony." He continued and you chuckled. He pressed his lips on yours again in one passionate kiss.

"And now what?" You asked when you stopped.

"Honeymoon trip?" He proposed and you chuckled again. "Let's get out of here." Ubbe told and both of you sterted walking.

#vikings ubbe #ubbe imagine #ubbe ragnarsson #ubbe #ubbe lothbrok #modern ubbe #ubbe x reader #vikings imagine #vikings x reader #modern au

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peonies07 · 4 years

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Ok so I'm 19. I've been on tumblr since I was 12, yeah I was probably that annoying 12 year old. But at the time I needed it so badly. Tumblr was the reason I knew basically about LGBT before the gay marriage right arguement. Tumblr helped me figure out that I'm not straight.

The issue is that I grew up in rural MN like my hometown had 200 people. And most were Christian Republican conservatives with stereotypes and all.

I have two older brothers. The oldest was my father figure growing up- hes 9 years older than me and honestly was the only person that showed me support and potentially unconditional love. Around the time he left for college my family had to sell our house and move into an apartment the next town over about (2,000 people). I was about 10 and losing my brothers comfort made me start being depressed. While he was home he was the one who would counteract anything that would have made me feel worthless or unloved, he was there to prove my mother's words wrong. My other brother is 7 years older than me and was in high school and angry at the world at the time. I lost the only real support I had. Our dad worked long hours and I barely ever saw him after we lost the house he went to ND to find work and I saw him even less.

Our mom is very toxic and honestly probably abusive? I've been gas lighted to the point where I have no confidence in any memory, thought or feeling I had unless I have someone next to me to tell me 'no that was real it was like that'. So when my brother were old enough to move out or to have reasons to stay away I was stuck with her and it turned into the my daughter is my best friend. But with that came the complaints on how expensive I was and how bad her life was, how she regrets marrying my dad and then last minute remembering to add 'but at least I have you kids'.

Enter finding tumblr and learning that no there's a world outside this tiny town was one of the things that made middle school and high school so much easier. After I figured out that I was apart of LGBT, my older brother came home. In the time of gay marriage and all the arguements. I looked up to him as someone who would always be on my side and then right when he came home, I had to listen or sometimes argue with him and our mom about 'the gays'.

They were obviously against it and it forced me to hide and bury it for a long time. I would come out to friends if I trusted them or if they had shared they were also not straight but never to my family. After middle school, my mom got a new job and moved us about an hour away.

When I started high school, I found Trevor. He became my best friend and was for about 3 months and then of course asked me out. I didnt like him in that way but I also didnt want to upset him or lose him so I said yes.

We dated for 3 years from freshman year to senior year. In that time he took my virginity, we had taken 3 breaks and I had relatively no friends besides Trevor or his friends. He saw on my tumblr page that I put pansexual (at the time I identified with it) he asked me about it, I explained it and he gave a weird look. We never talked about it much after maybe an occasional hey that girl is cute but nothing really to address it? I was the one who started all of the breaks. I knew that being with him wasn't right for me but he was still my best friend and the one I was closest to. He was the one who was there when I cried and I was there for him. By senior year I was heavily depressed and highly anxious. I got a job after freshman year at a fast food chain, where I worked with his parents, and started PSEO classes my junior year. Between the stress of taking college classes, a struggling relationship, no other support network, and working 20-30 hours a week with high school and living with my mom. I started to break down my senior year, I got a different job that had less hours, since in the middle of my junior year I had gotten promoted to manager at 16 at the fast food chain and worked even more. I started skipping college classes and would just hang out in my car in parking lots so I would go home. Mom had gotten a job that worked nights and would leave at 2pm so I would wait until after she left to go home and just lay in bed. If I did it while she was there I would get told how lazy I was and how I needed to get up.

I started seeing a therapist in October, of course I was only 17 and so I had to have mom come in for the first meeting. The first thing she told my therapist was how she thought that I wasn't screwed up and didnt really need therapy and talked a bit about how she was disappointed. I paid for therapy on my own obviously and after a few weeks I never told my mom when I went to therapy to this day she does not know how many times I went. In December I finally broke up with Trevor for good and a bit later I found my 3 best friends, they are my favorite people they are my big supporters and I'm theirs. They have been there for me no matter what and honestly really showed me what having actually friends was like.

Two of them are also in LGBT and the other not but we all support each other. After we graduated I went to a private college 6 hours away in Wisconsin. I needed to be far from my family but close enough for emergencies especially since my dads mother had cancer and we knew she wouldn't have long.

Before college started I had tot get rid of my car, mom told me that she couldn't keep me on her insurance so I gave it to my brother (middle child). I went off to college, in late September my grandmother died and I went to her funeral (my mom told me I couldn't go because college was too important, I went anyway).

By winter break I realized that I couldn't keep being carless. I had asked my dad for help since I definitely couldn't go to my mom and didnt have any other option (forgot to mention they divorced in 2017 after being separated for about 6/7 years). He helped me and bought me a truck that was $7,000.

Now here is the that start of the reason I'm writing this.

My dad is an alcoholic and has so many fucking DUIs, he should be in prison honestly. But after my parents divorce he started trying to get his license back.

Complicated part is he couldn't stay sober. Or at least not drive while drunk, and with both of our names on the title of this truck I had to get whiskey plates. Honestly I didnt care about the plates but my dad did and told me to try and transfer it into my name only.

We bought the truck in December 2019 and didn't get the title sent to us until May 2020 and if we had gotten it on time this wouldn't be too concerning but sadly not the case. In February he got picked up again and that's the one that cause me to have whiskey plates so I couldn't transfer it into my name if I wanted to. - MN law states that if a truck has whiskey plates it cannot be transfer into a family member or household member, it can be sold but it has to be a fair price no 'gifts'.

And of course its Corona timw and I had to leave college in March- back to mom's house where I got hella depressed again and then had to drop the courses I was trying to take for spring cause I needed to focus on mental health. In May I moved in with my brother-middle one- to his city that is 3 hours away.

It's better but also not quite where I want to be. So since I'm out of mom's and overall just really frustrated with the world I came to terms with wanting to come out to my family, especially my brothers. Earlier this month (August) I did. I told them over dinner since my oldest brother was in town and asking me about my love life and I just said 'I like girls' and they kinda accepted it. Middle brother is hella religious so I knew there was a chance of rejection, all he had to say was that he doesn't quite believe that there can really be a romantic relationship between women, as god intended love to be between a man and woman. But he didnt disown me or kick me out so it's fine. My oldest brother just made a joke about lesbian porn. The next day they followed up a bit with it of hey so you're gay basically. Most of my family is now transphobic instead of homophobic since trans is 'worse'. I dont agree with them but I'm just content for now with not losing my brothers. I've basically cut our mom off and still dont talk to our dad much especially about feelings.

So with this truck that my dad bought me and with the added stress of trying to figure out how to deal with it I decided to trade it in. But went to probably the worst dealership in our area and got conned really. After 8 days of having the new SUV it broke down, the motor through a rod and is basically totaled until a new motor is put in.

And naturally I haven't told anyone in the family besides the brother I live with so about two days after trying to figure out again of what to do. Middle brother calls dad and older brother to help and my anxiety and anger spike. I've never talked about the trauma o went through because of our mom to anyone in the family only the oldest brother but not all of it. Added in the fact that I dont want to accept dads help if hes going to hate or reject me for being gay I am so scared and anxious that I just explode. They came and dad started asking me about why I didnt call him before and why I traded it for the car I did and I'm trying to tell him it's fine well get the truck back I learned my lesson and I'm giving him the truck back, I'll find a vehicle on my own. I am financially able to so he can have to back/sell it.

But he just keeps pushing and then telling me to mellow out and stop being moody. And pushing more so I just scream. And start trying to explain hey I got a bunch of issues and I cant trust you yeah you're my dad but mom made me feel worthless so.

And I'm crying/screaming/sobbing and dads basically at a point of not listening. My oldest brother comforts me and I make him walked away from dad with me as our other brother had come.

I start telling my oldest brother what the h3ll is going on in my head with almost everything. I talk about our mom, how he is my father figure not our dad, how I cant trust our dad and also about my fears with rejection from dad and previous fear of his rejection. I get through most of it and dad and our other brother come to where we are.

Now I have been out to my brothers for about 2-3weeks and my oldest brother deciding to 'help me'? Asks our dad if he would love me any less for being gay. I lose it I get a bit hysterical and start laughing cause for no reason that I can figure out for now really. I hear our middle brother make some comment that I couldnt quite hear but the tone was like an exhausted really vibe to it? And cue our dad saying of course not and trying to talk again about how I should have called and I try again explaining that I cant trust that easily after being alone with mom for basically 8 years and him then trying to tell me that hes not her.

So my family does not understand feelings well but they're there for me apparently and dont hate me ( I still dont fucking believe them). Like they are saying they dont but I haven't really seen any reason to believe that or a sign of unconditional love. I always feel like I'm merely tolerated and on the edge of circles ready to be pushed out at the wrong word.

I still haven't 'come out' to our mom yet and I dont think I'll tell her face to face, she can find out through facebook. I still have so much anxiety about all of this and it's to the point were it's an overall feeling of nothing but with a premonition of something not right or anxiety about something bad happening.

#lgbtq #coming out #gay #wlw #Anxiety #depression #childhood trauma #bad parenting #brothers #family issues #personal

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