#theres people actively doing the killing and i just cant wrap my head around that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bioodorange · 3 years

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||How I See The Pastas||

This was originally supposed to be how they looked but I decided to go for mental aspect and explain why as well PLEASE like, reblog and share your thoughts on this in the comments or inbox

Below the desciptions are images i’ve compiled and some art (if you know the creator please tell me so i can credit them) for a visual

dont forget to like reblog and share your thoughts with me, I spent a few days on this so i’d appreciate this

Jeff the Killer

So lets start with the obvious- jeffs pasty white toothpaste lookin skin

But realistically he wouldn’t be completely covered in scars

It would be blotchy, with pink fleshy patches among the burns

He most likely has contracture scars, third degree burns that turn the skin a pale white and tighten the skin

This explains his gaunt features and skin color

Now we have to take into account the vodka that was splashed on him, he’d probably have worse burns there with exposed flesh and damaged nerves

This would result in gnarly exposed skin, a damaged scalp and maybe damage to his teeth and eyes

Realistically, Jeff wouldnt have burned off his eyelids that alone would have resulted in blindness and death

Than his smile, his signatuure mark would probably be more of a gangly bloody scar mess

Pastas heal faster and aren’t really human, he’d have to recut his smile pretty frequently making it pretty jacket up because ltes be honest hes far from clean

ANd than his hait being chard black is very unlikely because as nasty as he is he s h o w e r s

not very frequnetly given his living situation and untreated burns but people can figure out how to wash hait and not much else

also i think its funny he’d shower with a plastic bag on his face to avoid getting soap in his nasty infected scars-

His hair would probably be dry and cut unevenly, more of a dark brown color with blonde undertones

Not to mention his burned scalp, hair probably wouldn’t grow there so he’d have a cool unintentional side shave

Jeff would also be a tall individual, he cant really eat, snacking on things from his victims homes giving him a more skeletal build

His personality and mindest is about as pretty as his face- but he most likely has a very screwed up headspace

Lacking in self care, maturity and sanity its fair to say he’d be a brash and violent person

Fun Fact: While researching this I learned that some versions of the joker had facial scars in the shape of a smile

Ticci Toby

So tobys age, unlike a lot of pastas, is pretty well agreed on, 19

So unlike when he was first a proxy toby most likely has stronger facial features and facial hair

Because shaving and hygiene isn’t first priority for pastas (gross-)

He stands around 5′7 and has grayish skin

Toby i feel is picky about foods, not only is it hard for him to eat its hard for him to keep food down

He’s malnourished explaining his thin figure and grayish skin

His hait is dark brown and a curlish mess, unkempt but short so it doesn’t get in his way

I’ve always seen him with a small gap in his teeth, because I can

And since toby can’t feel shit I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to eat rocks simply because he fuckin could

So some chipped teeth that are a bit uneven

Along with his CIPA and not eating enough Toby would bruise easily and have lots of scars, from things like cutting his finger on accident or getting mauled by a racoon

I wouldn’t be surpised if some of his joints were a bit screwed up, because whenever theyd beak or fracture he wouldn’t notice, this would probably happen a lot causing them to not heal correctly

One of tobys habits is nailbiting but he cant te;; when too far is too far

His fingers may be abit odd looking, knobby and discolored nails because of how exetreme his habit is

Would most likely have bandages around his fingers frequently to prevent the habit

So theres a lot of debate about tobys cheek was it the CIPA or the car accident, I beileve the accident because his other cheek is completely fine, theres damage from the OUTSIDE to inside and considering his sister died in the accident its unlikely he survived unscathed

Fun Fact: only a small handful of people have ever been diagnosed with CIPA, less than 500 (documented) cases around the world

Bloody Painter

So Helen is often seen as quiet emo painter boy

but uh no <3

Personaly i beileve he suffers from narcisistic personality disorder, exetreme importance and that he is always victorious and gets what he wants

This sporuts from the constant heavy invalidation from classmates, toxic friends and neglect from his parents

He doesn’t hang out with people because he doesn’’t lie them its because they never let him in the past and he beileves he’s better than them

But this also links to deep rooted insecurity and social anxiety/being inept completely

Him being nice is basically so you like him, he wants validation amd admiration not love

Unlike the other pastas he’d be a more clean well kept one a helthy figure and some tattoos bevause he can

I beileve he lives in socity, finding hus victims in girls and men alike who fall for his charm

he uses hhis skill and ordinary appearance to blend in on the streets

From his behavior helen most likely keeps his hair a bit shorter and clean

He always looks his best

Has chapped, and picked at lips because of his anxieties

Aswell as his breakdowns- his identity is completely in his head, he is very unsure of who he is and takes the delusions in his mind as reality

Unrelated but paino fingers-

And finally in order for his art to be as perfect and amazing as him, he has to be apart of it

Thus using his own blood in his pieces and the body parts of those he admires

Covers his scars with clean bandgaes

But his paintings turn brown and dry out, he’s always in need of a new medium

Is most likely anemic from all the blood he looses and has a paler skintone

Clockwork

ahh yes finally someone who knows what self care is-

helen, i love you buddy but you need to stop

But anyway natalie has a stronger, athletic build

She often chases her victims and gets in altercations, relying on strength most of the time

on that same note, this would defintelty cause many scars on natalie

Wether it was a bite mark or scars from a kitchen knife, shes got lots of scars

A few even on her face

Now, for the clock in her eye that thing is like holding her skull together at this point, realistically

She is probably delicate and cares for it becaise 1) it hurts 2) if it gets screwed up that could cause a lot of problems

natalie would be a smart person, I wouldn’t be surprused if she had a few other stray stitches or bandgaes wrapped around a fresh wound

For more visual-ish things uh m u l l e t (credit: @cum-looking-sock-mf in a chat like 4 months ago)

She has one, fight me on it

but also thick and curlish hair so I also riase you

Undershave

just y e s

I can also see her getting tattoos over certain scars on her arm, just to make them look not so ugly

I feel like clockwork wishes things worked out better

Wishes for another chance but knows she’ll never get one

Thus her taking goof care of herself

Natalie throws herseld into her “work”, keeping her body in shape and killing people

Its a way to avoid her life and that it is- a huge, sad mess

Shes an outgoing impulsive individual, confident but questions her actions

She’s also unstable- protective and loyal but explosive and strong

Jane the Killer

Jane is the final one, im sorry I couldn’t do more theres a photo limit and I wanna bash my head into the wall

Now a main different between her and jeff is she had surgery and lie treatment

Janes skin is still greatly scarred but it is greatly healed

She takes care of it and had skin grafts

Her face is disfigured, a scarred smile and burns around

But unlike Jeff she doesn’t recarve the cut so its a cleaner line and a lot healthier

Janes hair took a rather long time to grow back, but it did!

She has a slightly long pixie cut a bit choppy but she doesn’t mind

Her wife definetely cuts it for her and you can fight me over that

I can see Jane having a lot of facial trauma, scars around her nose and cheeks

She was young when she started killing and went for the over the person, pin them down kill which didn’t work out

She switched to a silenced pistol after awhile, you know like a smart person

Janes arms and legs are in alright condition where most of the burn trauma is on her back

She has a leaner but healthy figure but like boobs-

Like clockwork and Helen she takes care of herself

She doesn’t kill as frequently, going after a few of jeffs victims before him and is of course, actively hunting him down

Her eyes are a pale green and she wears makeip to fill in her eyebrows because those bitches take a long time to grow back

fun fact: jeff has no eyebrows, fight me

#jeff the Killer #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #slenderverse #slenderverse headcanons #jeff the killer head canons #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby #bloodypainter #bloodypainter headcanons #clockwork headcanons #clockwork #jane the everlasting head canons #jane the everlasting #jane the killer #jane the killer headcanons

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randomsevans · 4 years

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LATE LIES

Part 2

Steve Rogers x reader

Summary:you have recently decoved that your finance captain america is cheating on you. But there again you could be wrong. But what will happen when your not wrong ?. And your not the only one who has cort on to steve shaddy activitys .

AN : my grammar and spelling isn't the best so bare that in mind .

@nomadevans82

Breakfast was quickly over. No word . No affection. Shown by the man who was ment to love you, the man you are ment to marry , the man you suspect is cheating on you. But maybe your wrong , maybe your brain is just over thinking. This is captain america we are speaking about, man who said your his world , his love , he wouldnt do anything to hurt you , especially in such a way . Would he ?

He wouldnt or so you thought/knew.

'God why cant I think straight ' you mind was racing around and around , question after question , excuse after excuse for him .

Maybe your just overreacting, I mean my spy training doesn't mean I have to be right every time . Nobody else has notice his behalf? Right .but you have and you know him better then anyone . Or so you should. But your not the only one whose notice a change . Nat did , she look like she was about to skin him alive with her butter knife at the breakfast.

You mind racing , your fist rapidly punching the bag , never stop . The training room had blurred form your vision along with everyone in it . You can feel you blood boiling , tight knots in your stomach as you think about steve with sharon . Your temper going just above busting point . You didnt notice you went breathing. You didnt notice your eyes glowing, you didnt notice the punching bag flying off , with a swerling yellow sting glow around it . You just stare at it , forgetting all the people . Nobody would notice anyway , it's not unusual for this to happen , but what is , is the power running through your veins . The very thing , nobody knows, the thing you hide , the thing you run away from , thing you dont want people to know about you , hell you dont even know what it is exactly. You spend all you time hiding it . The minority of the time you cant feel it running though , you normally have hold over it . But when your emotions get to extreme (more like things you dont experience often ) such as a need to cry, or your anger , anxiety. It slips out and your cant control it. And it doesn't help you are feeling all these right now.

You final brought back form your blurred vision with a hand on your shoulder. If it was anyone else you'd push them off , but not this person. Youd no them any way . Ever since it first comforted you when you just a child, in place no child should be , in a situation no child should be , expecting things no child should ever .

You slowing turn your face toward him . Bucky .or james as you knew him as a child . Hes your comfort , the closest thing you got to w father in the red room . This you keep a secret form everyone else , no one apart from nat knows that you were in the red room with her and as she was training and falling in love with james . He acted as a father to , never letting you get near the same amount punishment as the other girls. So when you found he was still alive , when you found he was becoming sane minded again you couldn't be happy. You weirdly felt safe the world again . After you were told just after he managed for you to escape that the red room had killed him .

You have alot of secrets such as people dont know about the fact that the red room trained you , Bucky trained you , or the fact that you two have a father and daughter relationship . Nobody knows not even Steve, to everyone else sheild trained you, you were a good field agent and was giving the opportunity to become an averager under the request of Nat .But at least two people know them nat and buck , they raised you basically, they know you , they know your history. But theres one secret that nat doesn't even know, only james . And that's about your mutation. James found out about it the same time you did .

You were 11 years old , training with james in a dark cold room . The constenced shouting in russian and girls crying was getting to your head missing punishing and kicks , you head was fuzzy, everything was become to quick , to fast . You couldn't handle it , although you go thought it every day . You final get a burst of energy and it shoots thought your veins and bones , the bright yellow light swerling around, pushing James into the wall . He knew what it was , he had heard of mutation before and what happens when the red room find a girl who has one , they either dont last very long or are put into different facilities. He protected you , help you hide it . Still does today .

So when you turned around , you saw the panic on his face, he knew what had happend , he was the only person in the room that saw as always. And he knew something was wrong because you knew let it get the better of . He automatically pulled you into a hug hiding your face from the rest of the world in his chest . It would be so easy to cry , so easy. If you wernt so anger you were shacking .

"Your okay " "your safe " "I got you " " you can calm down " he constantly whispers until you did as you were told and calmed down . You glance up till you met his glaze . His eyes was swerling with fear and empathy for you . "Now you gonna tell me what's got you all worked up ?"he asked pulling the hair out of your face . You just shake you head negatively, he nodded in return , knowing you was going to answer him anytime soon .

"I might have an idea " nats voice stalled you . 'Did she see ?' You become anxious again you dont want anyone to know about you mutions .

"You've go quite the rage and strength, and rightfully to " at this you know she must think you just punched the bag down .

"What do you mean ? What happend ? Do u know what's wrong? NAT tell me ! " buck quietly shouted concerned, pulling away form you , facing nat with his armes crossed .

"Calm down papa wolf , I dont think nows the time , let's calm her down and get a drink in her first , I know she needs it " she glanced at you sympathetically, she knows about sharon and Steve.

"What ! Nat Its 11am the mo...." bucky was cut off by the annocument above.

"Party tonight people. Main floor see you there tonight. Peace out , Iron man ! " Tony said though the speakers .

"Great !" You said walking out of the training room , towards your room , knowing you'll stay there u till the party.

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

Hours had passed and you haven't seen anyone all day , steve didnt come to check up on you like he normal did , you asked friday what he was doing every hour and your were denied access.

You and Nat hadn't spoke about what was playing on your mind , you just spent your day with a few early drinks and tv . It got to the time where it was time to get ready .you sat in that's room with a dress she picked out for you lying on her bed . You sat at the mirror finishing your simple make up nothing to extreme hust enough to add to your natural beauty.

You heard the bathroom door open , you turned to see that Nat was almost ready

"Come on kid , I know parties ain't really our thing but at least they'll be vodka "she joked .

"Thank god " you rolled your eyes and got up picking up your dress and heading towards the bathroom. You were just about to close the door when Nat sighed

"Y/n you .... I..... do you see what i see " she ask clearly neverous .

"About ?" You tried to act clueless but you knew what she was about to say

"About steve "

"..... " you stay silent for a while " can we not.. not right now .. we both could be wronge his the man I'm marrying, the man I love .... i dont want to think about it .... I... we might be wronge "

She scoffed at the thought but she nodded her head . And in you went into the bathroom to finish getting ready .

When you emerged out of the bathroom in your dark blue silk dress that hugged and was lose in all the right placed . With your hair curled and pinned half up and half down .

"Oh my .... you look gorgeous " Nat said with wide eyes . You felt it too as much as you ddint want to go to this party you felt great in this dress almost forgetting everything

"You look stunning as always " Nat just shrugged it off and grab your hand while heading our her door .

When you got into the hallway you and nat both stopped in your tracks.

"There you are ... iv been looking for you ... Tony and his parties eh " Steve laugh making you laugh too . This man put you into a trance everytime you saw him , he was in a dark blue shirt similar to your dress (not on purpose) . He looked as good as ever , you sighed with the biggest smile thinking this man is going to be your for ever soon . But then the voice started to creep back into your head ,instantly your small dropped to a frown

Steve took a step closer to you and kissed you on the check you let out a breath that you didnt know you was holding all day ,

'See everything normal we were just over reacting '

He smiled down at you "you look good " he said but he didnt even look at you the way be usual would , he didnt say what he usal would , it would be more then just good ...

"Good ? She looks stunning " Nat blurted out , you could tell she was staring at him like he was the target .

He just wrapped an arm losly around you , not tight like he normal would, he once said it was to keep you by his side and let everyone know your his . But not now . You felt so stuiped being in his arms .

"Let's go shall we "

◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇◇

You had been at the party for not that long Steve was by your side laughing and joking with everyone around the group . Nat , Bucky and Tony all laughing and joking

Everyone would feel fine if it wasnt for Steve's eyes keep wondering off

You sighed , chucking down your drunk , thinking your the only one that noticed but you forget that you were next to the best assassins you have ever know .

"Hi everyone "

"Oh hi sharon " Tony said

Your eyes snapped to her stunned , everyone eyes fell on her as you all stood at the bar in a circle she had managed to get her way inbetween Tony and steve

" you look stunning " steve said looking her up and down with a smirk , your heart dropped

"You get good and she gets stunning!"

"Thank you " sharon whisper trying not to star at steve but failing as there both keep sharing glances at each other, as a blush creeped on her check .

The music was the only thing filling the silence for a while as Tony sipped on his drink clueless . With steve and Sharom basically eye fucking each other while unknowly to you two very very anger killing mansions were ready to be Roger's down . You just stood there tears threating to make an appearance.

"I'm... I'm just going to pop to the.. " you couldn't finish your sentence already making your way down the hall .

Nobody looked at you are asked if you were okay .

You made your way blindly down corridors in all different directions you didnt know where you ended up, all you knew was you were far way you didnt hear the music and you were safe alone . You let out a quiet sob that lead to a few tears escaping your tear duck as you fought them off . Ignoring the stinging feeling with the tight chest and pit in your stomach .

Some one pulled you into there arms you you could see was a few red strains of hair

"Sshhhhh "

"I dont know why I'm like this.... I might be wronge " you choked out

Nat just gave you a look like 'when are we ever wronge "

"Come lets go back " was all she said you nodded .

She rubbed your back as you made your way through the corridors . Before you turned a corner you heard a quiet bang followed by laughter and giggles . You and Nat quietly laught and slowly made your way to the corner.

You stopped dead in your tracks with nat behind you . You were barely visible as you were still hidden around the corner .you quickly took a step back , pushing Nat backwards , she looked confused but you both listen carefully.

All you could hear was short breaths with giggles and growls

"Stop that "you heard a high pitched giggle

"Hell no ! I wanted to get my hands on you all night "

"You would be able to if you didnt have her ..."

"Soon " The deep voice cut her off "soon I'll be all your okay "

Your heart drop you could help the tears roll down your cheek. As you saw and hear Steve with sharon , it hit you hard , it all become reality and you couldn't take it . Nat griped you tightly clearly trying to calm her anger .

There voice went away and nat looked around the corner

"There gone ..I'm going to kill him " she snapped

You sobs became louder and louder your whole body was shaking

"Why ? Why ? Why ? He said he loved me , said I was his world , I'm meant to be his wife soon why ? What did he mean by soon ? Was he going to leave you?

Your body was shaking as nat stepped back , unknowly to you everything around you was shaking to . You vision blur and lost all connection to world around you and your heart was literally tearing into piece making the unwanted power over come you .

"Uh no nooo no " was all you hear and Bucky ran his way towards you

"Calm down it okay " bucky slowly came near you as the shaking stopped. He quickly wrapped you in his arms

"Calm down !"

There was silence that felt like forever Nat with her anger towards Roger's and shocked by you . While Bucky was staying calm for you

"You going to tell me ? " he asked slowly.

You shook your head no

There both sighed

"Fine I will!" Nat snapped

"No .. no please dont" you begged.

"What ? What is it ? "Bucky asked getting impatient

"No .. don't say it...its not real until you say it " you hiccup on everyone word

"Please " you begged one last time

"Just tell me god damn it "

"Roger's is cheating with carter "nat barked over youf sobs

"What !"

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #steve rogers au #steve rodgers imagine #steve rodgers x reader #steve rogers #steve x reader

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ccsthemovie2 · 4 years

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YUE!!!! yue yue yue

LETS SEE IF I CAN TRANSFER MY DRAFT TO ASK ON MOBILE W/O MESSING UP FORMATTING HORRIFICALLY WOOOOOO

YUEEEEE AN ASK AFTER MY OWN HEART <33 this is, again, super long AND YET NOT THE FULL EXTENT OF MY YUE THOUGHTS, PROBABLY??? this is a fave from a decade back or so this runs DEEP. Why I like them:

yue has just been a lifelong fave tbh. a beautiful and serious anime boy???? AND he’s the moon????? superficials aside, i am always really drawn to characters who struggle with being overly loyal to a sense of authority and deal with figuring out they’re allowed to have individual wants and needs. yue is incredibly ride or die and nearly everyone’s like....maybe don’t die actually!!! and yue says [there was a manga cap here of touya asking yue to take care of himself and yue going >:///.....alright]

it is also really funny how he immediately goes from I WILL KILL YOU to extremely protective i-am-your-angel-dad, both to watch, and to see new friends get into ccs and hear the hype about yue and go oh i cant wait to see your favori-AAAHHH HE PUNCHED TWO TEN YEAR OLDS WHATTT.

Why I don’t:

gotta say it, his clear card hit-fakeout was kinda weird, good thing i have rewritten that scene and can just refer to my personal-writing-folder discord server when need be,

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

JUDGEMEEENNNTTTT AND ALSO THE STUCK IN BIG FORMS EP AAAAHHHHH . episodes ive watched a billion times. when i was a kid i liked judgement bc i was like HES SO COOOL AND MEEEAN YESSS DEFEAT SAKURA WITH HER OWN MAGIC GO GO and now im like HE IS CARRYING OUT A USELESS CEREMONY AND FIGHTING A FIGHT HE CANNOT WIN TO MAKE EVERYONE FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE A CHOICE WHEN SAKURA’S BEEN CHOSEN FROM THE START WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and to top it ALL off sakura telling him she wants to be his friend and him not taking her offered hand? OUCHH... ;w; big forms ep is HILLARIOUS bc its soooooo AWKWARD. the awkwardness of being at someone else’s house... trying to talk to your host when the ONLY topics you have in common are “i know a few things about your dead crush” and “my other self is YOUR crush”. sakura telling him that her dad insists love can last through reincarnation and eriol specifically being like “give up on clow because he’s dead” later, and he’s spying on this whole ep so he must be rolling around laughing right then. the fact that neither of these couples is healthy whatsoever but everyone’s working with what they have to try and lessen the awkward, and oh no its worse now. kero picking up on the clowtime pattern of “i have to do all the work around here” but honestly its just that it’s kero’s house and yue’s awkwardly hovering and sakura really really doesnt wanna make her intimidating guest do stuff. WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE BC ITS SUPER AWKWARD. yue then cleaning the entire kitchen while sakura is cleaning off kero. 10/10 episode.

Favorite season/movie:

sakura card arc!

Favorite line:

when he shows up at sakura’s house and and sakura’s like :0 and hes like get used to it.

Favorite outfit:

the one from that pic i have in my about where he has this light blue hair wrap aaahhhh

OTP:

YUEKITOUYAAAAAAAAAAAA. yukito and touya dating happily and then yue a few years later like OH. I ALSO LOVE HIM. yukito being super supportive and happy of it. yue and touya both feeling like “whats an amazing guy like him doing with someone like me...”. yue going in thinking oh i know what love is and touya raising the bar constantly. its good!!

Brotp:

him and yukito!! two people waking up in their situation scared and upset and stuck together, making the most of it as only they can. i think a lot of them both being like “noooo i want YOU to be happy and comfortable” and trying to do little things for the other when each is taking their turn being active. yue making yukito tea and getting him out of bed when he neeeds to wake up but just feels sluggish, yukito buying little moon decorations for the house he thinks yue would like....aaahhh yukito getting glow in the dark star stickers omg...realizing that there’s no one they’d rather share a life with like that. i think yukito’s the sort of person who doesn’t like to appear uncertain and takes his time being sure before communicating, and theres a sense of pride on yue’s part that he’s the only person, often not even touya, who gets to hear yukito put his thoughts together and be that sort of sounding board. yukito “growing up” in a big “often”-empty house i think leads to him talking to the air a lot, and now that’s yue!!

him and sakura, too!! slowly taking her up on her offer of friendship!! there’s an amazing bit soon after judgement where just her asking frantically if he’s okay??? if he’s SURE he’s okay???? after getting hurt protecting her makes him stop and stare....the switch flipped he is her dad now. i want him to feel like he can talk to her, especially about the Before Times, weigh the things he thinks are too heavy for a child against the things he wants to be heard, maybe see her face and be like oh boy i got it wrong sometimes. and also the knowledge that this is a friendship they chose for themselves!! that they were Predicted to mean different things to each other, but it would be something inappropriate and draining and a cruelty to carry out. this is an unpaved road!! if i keep going on and on i will go on all day but HIM AND KERO!!! HIM AND THE CARDS!!!! HIM AND LI, AND TOMOYO, AND oh just let him be surrounded by friends!!!!

Head Canon:

extremely touchy. like the first thing he did when he showed up for judgement was grab sakura’s face and i think thats just how he is. i think nobody in the clowsehold had any awareness of personal space and yue got so steeped in it that he is just like that now. big on affectionate hair ruffles esp with the kids and putting-an-arm-around-people that he’s barely aware of. it makes yukito a little sad to know that he and yue can never really connect like that but if he hugs himself yue will feel it so it works out!!

Unpopular opinion:

(gets up on stage) clowyue!! (half the crowd boos half the crowd cheers) was HORRIBLE (the cheering/booing crowd halves switch confusedly) essentially i really like to think about the wreckage and then healing from the sort of toxic imbalanced ambiguously requited never-labeled faux-relationship feelings-yoyo i imagine it to have been. but that means i need to acknowledge it happened. unfortunately most people who make ship content do so because they like it, and most people who dont make ship content do so because they dislike it. can you believe it?

A wish:

go to therapy please

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

DO NOT SEPARATE THEM

5 words to best describe them:

ok he looks very polite

My nickname for them:

moonboy...

#ask #why didnt u just publish ur draft? uhm. because.

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vaguelygeiszlerian · 4 years

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1 to 50

ok i just saw this existed, i live on tumblr mobile where i ignore the activity tab and scroll endlessly, bear w me

Animated character that was your gay awakening? uhhhhhhh,,,....,,,.. if i remembered anything abt my childhood i would tell u, im gonna say rukia from bleach because i want gorgeous short people to step on me

Grilled cheese or PB&J? peanut butter Always... tho if it was a fancy grilled cheese (there is a special preparation).... i would be torn

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? it really depends! i bounce around, i watch a lot of baumgartner restorations, i watch a LOT of nyx fears video essays on horror movies i would never watch, i watch longplays of, like, nier automata bc im still delighted by cryaotic?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? i dont really get to order a lot of drinks at bars, itll depend, if im with friends ill order as many things off the cocktail menu as my money allows, if im with my parents ill order long island iced teas or whiskey and lemonade

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? i literally own like 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being the only pair i can actually safely wear haha.... but my favorite pair is the black red and gold converse that dont fit anymore but still remind me of high school

Top three cuisines? mexican, italian, whomever the fuck invented kasoundi

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? yeah as said above i have no clue about anything about my childhood so idk i think mum said once that my first proper word was just ‘no’ which sounds abt right

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? idk if my last job counts? i mean i used to do all round garden labor stuff until my pain got worse and i literally couldnt anymore so i got relegated to desk work

Look up. What’s directly across from you? oh a container of pesto i didnt like the flavour of and just... forgot to throw out.... i will do that tomorrow

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a rwby poster signed by ray and jack? its p cool

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? preferred right now? wrapped in a metric fuckton of blankets w my partner

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i..... dont like bagels

Brunch or midnight snacks? i live a weirdly scheduled life, midnight snacks and brunch are interchangeable to me now, so both

Favorite mug you own i..... dont really have one? all of my actual mugs that are mine have my deadname on them haha

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? overbrewed black coffee that someone left to go cold before dumping six packs of sugar in

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) ‘ And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me ‘ bc we all love a bit of mitski when we are feeling the self isolation creeping in

Fruity or herbal teas? fruity teas only! or rather i drink fruit tisanes! but if you mean actual tea then herbal, i only drink peppermint tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? fruits basket! everyone watch the reboot

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? all the books i read for class sucked but medea wasnt so bad

Do you match your socks? only when theyre very fun patterned socks, and even then sometimes i will match them to the wrong pair but the same pattern, aka my double watermelon combo (i have a pair of green socks w watermelons and a pair of black socks w watermelons so)

Have you ever been horseback riding? no and i never will because i am fucking terrified of horses

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) uh.... uh i mean im not sure if it counts as a phase but i was stupid into vampires (to the point of me and my friends constructing the intricate theory that our teacher was a vampire and we had to kill her by the time we graduated (she was not and we did not and i hate all of those people now) i was just the weird conspiracy kid i guess, we used to spend every lunch staring across the oval at a house we were SURE an alien lived in (it was just a plastic bag being rustled by a fan)

Have you ever been to jail? bkdnbrb god no

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? im a lazy susan

Puzzles? i cant solve a rubiks cube but give me a 2000 piece jigsaw and ill sit there for 6 hours trying to solve it

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? oh this is tough..... orange juice, the fancy kind but with no bits in it, i used to like the bits but these days i just want a clean juice experience

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? ,,,,,,the ya fiction section, i never buy anything from there but i like to see if series i read as a teenager ever got new instalments after i stopped liking them

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? how to sleep like a normal person

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? uh, it depends! lizzo or my playlist of musicals! (which is literally just starkid/tcb stuff)

Where could someone find you in a museum? i could literally be anywhere, probably in front of some old piece though, just staring for an hour bc im struck by the majesty of it (and my legs probably locked up so i couldnt move anyway)

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? so i have a nice white button up and some really nice jeans i just got, and my suspenders, and my cool blue heels that i know i cant wear bc my legs cant handle walking in heels anymore, but it would look cool am i right

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? i look up at my roof which is almost entirely covered in glow in the dark stars and then stare into the camera (i wish every day that my roof was like the roof of the healthy harold van, i still have fucking dreams of that beautiful ceiling)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? non traditional? id want a lizard that could curl round my shoulders like a leathery scarf

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i dont have any photos on my wall so art by default

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i just want the pensive emoji tattooed in the small of my back so if i wear a crop top everyone has to suffer with me

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with fuck superheroes they suck, can i hang out with jason todd red hood style

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? oceans, i want to go to the beach so fucking bad

Favorite mid-2000s song i dont really have a Big Favorite but like..... i constantly thank god for esteban

How do you dress when you’re home alone? ive been in the same sweatpants and old paint shirt i got from my painting and decorating course for three days

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? armchair closest to the kitchen, perfect to make a quick escape if dad comes in

Knives or swords? knives, i dont have the upper body strength for swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving? oh uh run away with me by crj, *bwoooooooo buhnuhnuuuuuu buhnuhnuuuuuhhh buhnuhnuuuuhhhhh*

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY CERTAIN PARTS FROM EACH OF THEM BC COLLECTIVELY THEY SUCK BUT PARTS OF THEM ARE PERFECT

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? no caption i dont want people to really acknowledge that i post things

Name a classic Vine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQds9PQ7CA

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? hash browns hash browns hash browns ONLY

How do you top your ice cream? god its been so long since ive been able to eat ice cream.... with the reeses peanut butter ice cream shell topping

Do you like Jello? jelly is the pinnacle of our society and i wish i were eating it right now

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? i wish i had a picture of myself and my partner so i could set it as my phone lock screen (that or i wish i had a picture of me and a friend i really dearly miss bc i have pics of her in my phone but not of us together and i want some but i cant bring myself to say so)

How are you at climbing trees? theres a tree in my front yard i used to be able to hang off but nowadays i think id hurt myself just trying to lift my nasty meat sack off the ground trying

#long post #christ that took like 3 hours #i dont know things about myself #thanks for asking though #Anonymous

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years

Text

Natural Born Killers Chapter 8 (Sam x Dean)

Title: Natural Born Killers Chapter 9

Summary: It started as an accident. That’s what it was. But things escalated from there and now the law wants Dean Winchester, one way or another.

Warnings: Language

AN: So, after I wrote this chapter, I realized that same-sex marriage was not legal in California until later. So, let's just pretend this is an AU where it's a little more accepted/legal in the early 2000's.

Present

“Your file says you graduated from St. Joseph high school.” Victor said, looking at Sam.

“That’s right.” Sam said.

“Was this before or after your dad died?” Victor asked.

“Why does it matter?” Sam asked. “I graduated. That’s all that matters, right?”

“I’m just very impressed to be honest.” Victor told him. “I mean, you have to have had at least a hundred schools under your belt. You stayed at St. Joseph for about two years it seems. And then you graduated salutatorian and got a full ride scholarship to Stanford. That’s pretty good for a prime candidate for foster care.” Sam just rolled his eyes. “Tell me about Stanford Sam. What led up to it. All of it.”

****

2001

It was a few days after Dean’s birthday when the envelope showed up. Sam had applied at Stanford, as well as Notre Dame, UCLA, and some various Michigan and Indiana colleges. The trail of letters had slowly been trailing in. But this one was different. And when Sam opened it, he knew his life was going to change.

“Dean?” Sam said into the phone. Dean was at work. He was working a little later throughout the week so he could have his weekends with Sam. It didn’t always work out that way, but since he had proven himself to be such a good mechanic, his boss tried to work things out for him.

“Sammy? What is it? What’s wrong?” Dean asked.

“I have something big to tell you.” Sam said. “I don’t know if I should tell you now though…” Dean’s heart was beating hard. What was wrong with his Sammy? “De?”

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, his voice a little unsure. Sam was smiling, not that Dean could see.

“De, how do you feel about California?” Sam asked.

“What?” Dean asked, confused.

“Well, I got a full ride scholarship to Stanford, so…” Sam said. Dean was silent at the other end of the line. Then Sam heard him yelling and could make out words of excitement.

“Oh my god Sammy! That’s the best news I’ve heard all day!” Dean told him. “When I get home, we’ll celebrate! Fuck, I’m so proud of you!”

****

“I have to live on campus.” Sam groaned as he tossed all his information on the coffee table and dramatically threw himself on the couch. Dean looked up from the movie he was watching.

“Says who?” Dean asked.

“Says Stanford.” Sam said. “The only way I don’t have to is if I have proof I’m living with my parents, there are accommodations that I need that they can’t provide, or I have proof that I’m married or in a domestic partnership.” Sam looked up at Dean. “So I guess I’ll be living in a dorm for at least the first year.”

“Give me some time.” Dean said. “I’ll make sure you can stay with me baby boy.”

****

The big day came not too long after Sam turned 18. He was one of the youngest in his class it seemed, but he was so excited. He had made friends with a bunch of people over the two years he was there, and even walked with Kaelyn, a girl that was in his photography club with him. He had worked his ass off over the past two years, taking as many AP classes and activities as he could to beef him up to colleges. Him and Dean hadn’t been hunting a lot, but he wanted to make sure they never had to rely on hustling pool or anything like that ever again.

Sam gave a beautiful speech and man, Dean was so ready to jump up and applaud every word that came out of his mouth. Dean hadn’t graduated high school, so he didn’t really see the joy in sitting in a gym for hours while kids talked about following their dreams and such. But seeing Sam in that dark blue gown, standing up at the podium to give hi speech, filled Dean’s heart with so much love.

And then he got his diploma and Dean was on his feet, cheering his blushing little brother.

“So where are you off to after this?” Kaelyn asked Sam as they all stood around, hugging each other.

“We’re moving out to Palo Alto so I can attend Stanford in the fall.” Sam said shyly. He didn’t like boasting about himself. Only a few of his friends knew about the full ride.

“That’s right Mr. Smart Stuff.” Kaelyn laughed and hugged him. “Well, I’ll send you my address when I settle in my dorm at the U of M.” She smiled at Sam, like she wanted to ask him something, but Dean came up and put a hand on Sam’s shoulder and Kaelyn blushed. She had a major crush on Dean.

“Well, I’ll send a postcard to your home address when I get settled up in Palo Alto so you have the address.” Sam said. “I’ll miss you Kaelyn.”

“I’ll miss you too Sam. And Dean.” She said, her face turning a bit redder. Sam and Dean made their way towards Baby. Sam had gotten pictures with his friends and they all promised to send him a copy when they were printed. Dean had a disposable camera he had gotten at CVS and the roll was filled with nothing but Sam at his graduation.

“I thought we could order Chinese and stay in for the rest of the night.” Dean told Sam. “The house we picked out over spring break is ready for us to move in. Dan and Tiffany are sad to see us go. They said we’re the best renters they’ve had in awhile.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Sam said, staring out the window. Dean frowned a little. He knew Sam had been stressing about the housing situation for awhile. If he could prove that he needed to live off campus, the money from his scholarship that would be put towards room and board would be given to help offset a rent or mortgage. Because Palo Alto was expensive. But they had found a cute little place not too far from campus. It was the cousin of Dean’s boss’ place, and he wanted to sell to head east.

When they got home, Dean placed an order at the Chinese place and went to their bedroom to watch Sam change out of the dress clothes he had worn under his gown and slid into some sweats and a t-shirt. Dean wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed on his neck.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” Dean murmured against him. “Go sit down and I’ll bring it out.”

“Mmmm, okay.” Sam said, moving away from Dean and settling himself on the couch in the living room. Dean took a couple minutes but came out with an envelope. Sam looked up at Dean. He had been getting cards and such in the mail from people like Bobby and Jim who wanted to congratulate him for all his hard work. Sam just thought it was one of those.

“You didn’t have to get me a card.” Sam said, taking the envelope from Dean.

“Just open it Sammy.” Dean said. “I called in a lot of favors for this.” Sam raised an eyebrow but opened the envelope and took out the paper from inside.

State of California Department of Public Health

License and Certificate of Marriage.

Samuel W. Campbell and Dean M. Winchester.

“D-Dean.” Sam looked up at him.

“Now you don’t have to live in the dorm baby boy.” Dean said. Sam laid the paper by him and wrapped his arms around Dean, hugging him. “We have an official record in California, and I got someone to change your records at school to reflect it.” Dean’s heart warmed at the smile that spread on Sam’s face. “There’s something that goes with that.”

“What?” Sam asked. Dean grabbed a box he had set on the coffee table and opened it to show two black bands. Two black wedding bands.

“Gotta make it official right?” Dean asked, taking one of the bands and sliding it on Sam’s finger. Sam did the same for Dean. Dean took Sam’s hand and kissed the finger where the ring was. “Mine.” He whispered.

“Yours.” Sam said happily.

****

Two days later, they Impala was packed down with all their boxes and such. They had sold off most of their furniture, and rented a small trailer that could hitch to Baby for the things that wouldn’t fit in the car. They had not stayed in a motel since they rented the house, but they were going to stay in one on the way to their new home. Dean wasn’t entirely sure where they were going to stop off at yet. They had left early in the morning and stopped to get breakfast. But Sam was tired and napped on and off on the way. They finally stopped late in the night for a motel. Dean hadn’t had to pull all nighters to drive for a long time and he was a little out of practice. So he got them a motel room with a king bed for him and the other Mr. Winchester.

“It’s pretty much our honeymoon baby boy.” Dean joked as he kissed Sam gently. Sam just rolled his eyes and let Dean kiss him.

The next morning, he was like a ball of energy. They were so close, he could taste it. He would have about a month or so to get used to the house before he had to attend orientation and then classes. He had plans to do some gardening; herbs and other plants that they could use for protection as well as cooking. He had done a little with their next door neighbor in Michigan, since it was sometimes too hard for her to get done to pull the weeds. It was a great relaxer sometimes. Dean worked on cars; Sam liked to take pictures and work on gardening with Mrs. Tandy.

“We’re almost there.” Dean said as they passed through Sacramento. Dean couldn’t stop stealing glances at Sam. He looked so happy, so relaxed and Dean was so in love. Before they knew it, they were pulling onto Emerson Street in the Midtown neighborhood.

“I can’t believe we scored a house here.” Sam said in almost a dreamlike state. Their home in Michigan was very nice, but it wasn’t theirs. They were just renting it. Of course, their landlords didn’t mind if they painted or anything like that, but Sam wanted someplace that was theirs.

“Remember, it needs a little love.” Dean said, finding the right address and pulling into the driveway. They had visited the house and it’s previous occupants on Sam’s spring break a few months prior. The house had been empty for about a month now. Dean had worked extra hours and done a few kills to get the money to pay for the house, meaning that the extra scholarship money could be applied to fixing it up.

“It’s ours.” Sam said, a huge smile on his face. “It’s all ours.”

****

Two Months Later

“Dean, I’ve gotta get to the orientation.” Sam said.

“Want me to drop you off on my way to work?” Dean asked, buttoning up his work shirt.

“Might be a good idea. I heard parking is a bitch.” Sam said. “And I haven’t gotten the bus schedule down yet.” Dean smiled and kissed Sam.

“And you’re the nerd.” Dean laughed. “Come on. Let’s get you to your orientation.” Sam smiled. He knew how to drive, but he had just never bothered to get a car. Dean drove them everywhere and Sam was happy with that. Occasionally, he would drive out for things, but it was rare.

Dean dropped Sam off at the student center and gave him a quick kiss.

“If you need me to pick you up, call me baby boy.” Dean said. “Love you Sammy.”

“Love you De.” Sam smiled and waved to Dean before heading inside. They were all gathered into an auditorium and went over all the things that Stanford had to offer, financial things, etc. Finally, they broke for lunch. Sam sat a table by the window, looking out over the campus.

“Hey, mind if I sit here?” A kid asked holding a tray of food.

“Sure.” Sam said, looking up at him.

“I saw you at orientation. What dorm are you in?” The kid asked.

“Oh, I don’t have one. I live at Midtown with my husband.” Sam explained.

“Dude, lucky.” The kid laughed. He stuck out his hand for Sam to shake. “Name’s Brady. I’ll be at Florence Moore...I think.” Sam laughed and shook his hand.

“I’m Sam.” Sam said, smiling at him. “Pre law.”

“Business.” Brady said. “I’m gonna be a CEO someday. But I think I’ll need a lawyer like you to help me out.”

Conversation flowed freely between the two of them, and they stuck together for the rest of the orientation. They had a few of the same basic core classes, and they even got them at the same times.

If Dean ever had to be jealous of anyone, it was Brady.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @we-ride-with-the-tide @dekahg @marvel-af @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk @strab0 @sandlee44

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @supernaturalwincestsblog @flamencodiva @sams-serialkiller-fetish @theas-bedtime-stories

Natural Born Killers Tags: @mysteriousharmony @webcraft4eveh @mereka18 @writinginthesecrettrees

#natural born killers #sam winchester #dean winchester #supernatural #winces #sam x dean #sam winchester x dean winchester #fanfiction #jensen ackles #jared padalecki

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scavxnger · 6 years

Text

// Holy shit I guess I wrote a literal novel about this movie. Sweet Jesus. Let me just talk about some short stuff first and under the read more, will be the much more in depth, break down of the movie and certain scenes. I’m sure you all have heard most of it before with everyone doing these.

THIS ALSO MARKS THE MOMENT I’M NOT TAGGING SPOILERS ANYMORE.

The moment where Finn wakes, and asks Poe ‘Where’s Rey?” and the ambient noise + music quiets and it transitions to Ahch-To is beautiful and needs to be mentioned.

Or you know really any transition between story lines during the first half at least

Rey’s eyes mist and her lip quivers just a little when she verbalizes to Luke whats happening, and how it scares her. My poor baby.

The fact that Poe Dameron looking disheveled and dirty is like the most attractive thing needs to be mentioned.

I always forget how precious Rose is when she first introduces herself to Finn and talks with him, I fall in love all over again every time

Poe has not left Leia’s side since Leia was brought back into the ship oh wow you precious mamas boy

Ren’s line when lost in his thoughts, staring at Rey through the force for the first time “This is something else..” is too pure why haven’t we been talking about this guys

I didn't notice till now that Rey’s theme plays while she switches to the saber to train with (AND WHEN SHE TOSSES THE SABER TO BEN LATER FOR A LINE WOWZA), which is beautiful

I noticed after she slices the rock in front of her and it falls, she hides the saber behind ehr back like a little kid mY PRECIOUS BABE

PARALLELS BETWEEN TLJ and Crimson Peak, the “You are a monster” “I am” and “You told me you loved me!” “I do!” scenes, I haven't thought of the significance yet but MAN I love it

I was trying to write down all this while in theater but I got to the point where i just.. forgot to. I forgot the other things I wanted to say. Anyway the rest is long and drown out evaluations on scenes, characters ,and themes that I kinda just word-vomited out. So, sorry if its a bit choppy and all that, it is a mix from my second viewing with changes from my third viewing.

First, how the force is not defined by who wields it is a big theme this episode. Even if all ‘jedi’ and ‘sith’ are gone, the force will live. Its like an air bender saying the air will cease to exist if all the air benders were gone.

Rey over comes her thoughts on the force as I strictly black and white thing. She first thinks it as Ren is dark, he must be stopped. The Jedi and in extension Luke, is the light and thus will create a even balance. I think she has a firmer grasp on how the force works and how it relates to good versus evil, and understand enough that the force exceeds the Jedi and Sith. Of course, I don't think she realizes this entirely till they break the saber after fighting together. He cant let go of the separation of things as much as she cant.

Luke’s line about how its vanity to think that the force’s power lies within certain people really bullet points this. Of course, she looked towards him for his guidance and knows he is right, but her vision with Ben clouds her judgement.

When the force bond is created-- and yes, this scene is still a favorite Id say-- She is quick to attack. She thinks Ren is doing it, and of course once he wraps his head around whats happening, he calms and we see his gentle, inquisitive side. I melt a little.

Another thing, a side note, more like-- I assumed after the first watch that Rey had some control, and closed herself off to him so he couldn't see where she was. But honestly, we never find out if she can see his surroundings. I can only assume, especially after seeing the hand scene from Luke’s point of view, that they exist solely in each others space, without their surroundings. “The effort would kill you” also helps this. I think their connection was never Snoke’s doing, but the force. We can sorta see the force acts like its own entity sometimes, and since they are opposites to each other, the force brought them together. Snoke senses this and is quick to twist it to his favor. Anyways.

It isn’t till Ben tells her his side of the story of when he turned on the Jedi, she realizes he was just a kid when it happened. that it must have been terrifying to him, to have his own uncle turn on him, and no matter what motivations Luke had, they didn't make up for the trauma he gave Ben. He has turmoil, he is conflicted. I think its a moment of clarity for her, realizing there's a chance he can be changed, that she can be the light to him. She reaches out, and to her surprise he reaches back, in his weakness.

She explodes on Luke. Like in the forest, where she channels the force and overtakes Ren, we see the conflict in her, too. She demands the truth, she fights him for it. She needs to know if Ben is lying before truly pursuing him. And it is, the truth fully explains both sides. Ben’s first thought was his master turning on him, and Luke is shaded by his guilt of even thinking of harming his nephew. When Luke doesn’t comply to help her, she goes off by herself to try to bring Ben back.

At this point, I don't think she cares about where she stands within the force. She has more then just dabbled in the dark side and is a very morally grey character. Her heart is with the resistance, where the people she cares for lie, but her strength, her force power, is more so tied to the dark. I think Ben sees this and he assumes she’ll give in and stand beside him, as he grew being manipulated into thinking power is most important. Rey follows her intuition and heart and thinks Ben will return to the light because she sees a sort of fragility in his heart. I think that's the reason they both took what they saw differently.

Another thing proving that the force is what you make of it is when Snoke sees the conflict in Ben resolve itself and assumes its Ben, choosing to kill Rey. But of course, after seeing all he had done to Rey, the resolve lies in deciding to finally kill Snoke.

The fight scene is great. Even after the third time watching my heart is still racing from the point that he kills Snoke to the saber exploding. just wow. And the saber drop and catch was suuuch a sick moment. You go girl.

After the fight though, you see where their head spaces really are. As Rey runs to the spyglass and spats about saving the rest of the resistance, how he can now just give the command, He stops and stares at Snoke’s body. He’s lost, his purpose and presence in the galaxy was defined by what that man said. Without him, what was he? Who is he? Others have already speculated that he’s now having an identity crisis, and yes, I think he is. He immediately goes towards what he knows, steeling himself to preserve his power, thinking the best idea was let everything else go-- but her. He wants to have her with him, knowing his only light of guidance now lies in her. And she denied him, and he turns to anger, and he just doesn’t know where to turn. His emotions take lead as he takes position as the new Supreme leader, and even after discovering that he let them all get away, he sees her and crumbles, just in the smallest bit. HE was loosing the only one he felt he had left.

Rey is overwhelmed. She realizes, as he holds out his hand, that killing Snoke didn't end the fight, it sparked the beginning of a new one. She’d have to return to Leia with nothing, failing to give the resistance hope. He begs her, and she almost complies. She reaches out, but has a moment of hesitation. She probably thinks of Finn. of Leia, and all the other people she had met. They were good people, there were casualties in any war but they fought for good, the preservation of the innocent, the light in the force. Even if they left it all behind, the light and Dark would still be there. No, that wasn't the answer. So she changes her focus on the saber in his hand, and they fight for it.

She wakes before him. She could have seen him as dangerous, far more dangerous then he was before. But she leaves him there, unharmed. that was a fight for another day.

I think she had no idea Luke was there on Crait, even in spirit. She was worried about finding an exit for the resistance, her focus away from the split entrance to the abandoned base. She uses the force to lift the rocks and free her friends, and left with a better understanding on the force. Even as she feels Luke leave, worry crosses her features more than once. Mostly, for Luke;s safety. Did this mean he was dead? That he removed himself from the force again? was Snoke able to send troops to the island and attack him? She finds solace in Leia.

Once everyone has enters the Falcon, and she sees him again at the base of the loading platform, she struggles. Her hand hovers over the lock. She could leave the rest to find shelter in the ship while she sorts Ben out, but decides, whatever comes from that discussion will come another day. First, she needs to help get the resistance to a save hiding place while they fan the flame. She realizes Ben needs time to sort himself out before the speak again, through force bond or not.

#the last jedi #I've finally pieced this together #Sorry that its so long!#also I'm in maaad need of two things #after the hand touching scene force bond conversation where Ben is panicked and worried if Luke was going to try to kill her like he thinks #luke tried with him #and #a chrimson peak au someone give it to me!#I'll be reblogging that from my wishlist for reference #{ out of parts }

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bolontiku · 7 years

Photo

*not my images*

Avengers A/U

Bucky x mutant reader

“Losin’ Control”

Part 4

Summary: working at Stark Tower has let you meet some great people. Bucky is just your friend…right?

****

You sighed as you begrudgenly followed Bucky back to the elevators and to his own floor, you figured the other had their own as well. Following him in you balked, it was as big as your tiny apartment, bigger! Coming up you had encountered zero people, which was odd since you were used to the hustle and bustle of everyday activities. No one was around, everyone long gone to bed. You really had no idea why he had come looking for you, too emotionally exhausted to think or remember anything at the moment.

“You wanna go to bed or..?” He let the question trail looking towards his bedroom.

Looking at him, seeing the concern clearly written across his face you felt the tears start again. Bucky pulled you down onto the couch and into his arms.

“Shhh, doll. Its alright, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” He whispered. You wrapped your arms around him unable to form words. “Hey…if you go on like this I’ll have no choice but to join you.” He threatened pulling you onto his lap. He didnt know how to console you and it was making him desperate. He just wanted you to smile again.

“What does Fury have on you?” He asked quietly once you had cut back to sniffles.

You shook your head burying it under his jaw, he made you feel safe. He made you feel like you like you weren’t a monster. And the way he effortlessly lifted you onto his lap made you feel as if he would protect you.

“Hey, c'mon, you gonna tell me? Theres got to be something.” He waited, taking in a shaky breath he asked a little afraid of the answer, “you know my background?” You nodded once and he took in a deep breath, “then you know, theres worse that you can do than just raping a persons mind.”

He waited patiently, one hand on your back rubbing small circles till your sniffles subsided. He was going to ask again when he felt your hand on his chest. You were fidgeting with the opening on his collar and couldnt miss his gasp.

Looking up you saw he had his eyes closed. “Bucky?” You asked softly.

He took a breath before answering, “yeah, sweetheart?”

You licked your lips staring at the hollow in his neck. “W-why did you kiss me?”

“I asked first.”

You bit down on your bottom lip, shifting in his arms. “I… I’m from Venezuela.. My government used me. I de-destroyed a lot of powerful men.” You closed your eyes once the memories came back. “I was young and in love with one of the military men there. He…used me. In order to get classifed information. Most of the time the men didnt even know what I was doing.” You let out a sigh cuddling closer to him. Bucky dropped a hand onto your knee. “I uh, found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. He said….well anyway.“

“Fury found me in there. They had me locked away. Told me they would kill my family if I didnt do what they wanted.” You refused to look at him when he craned his neck to meet your gaze. “He uh, garaunteed my families safety along with giving them a home here. I just cant contact them.” You shrugged even though it hurt. It had been over five years since you’d seen them.

Bucky sighed he needed to keep his temper in check, he would go see Fury soon, “you were forced to do it. I know what thats like doll. You have to realize your not a bad person because of it. Hell, I’ve worked hard to realize that myself. You are not your past.”

You fought the tears, but they came unbidden and soon you were crying again. Clutching at him, how had he managed to become the one to anchor you when you felt that you were spiraling out of control?

Bucky rocked you back and forth and soon you were yawning. It had been too long since you could freely talk to someone. Tell them everything you had feared, how much of a monster you truly were, what you had done. And he accepted it. He didnt run away. He didnt want to use you. You were certain he would never want you.

Bucky stood without effort and started towards the room, he looked down when you protested in his arms. “Hush, you need to sleep, when you wake up you can take a shower. I have things to get done, don’t leave. Got it?” He asked tucking you in now, dropping a kiss on your forehead. It reminded you that you needed to ask him something.

“Bucky?” He looked up at you, “thank you.”

He nodded and waited till your eyes were closed and your breathing evened out.

****

Clint doodled on the pad before him bored as it was too early to be getting mission intel, Nat peeking over to see the cartoon rendering of Fury and smirked before going back to listening to him. Steve perked an eyebrow at her, they all looked up as the door swung open. “Bucky?” Steve called as his friend stalked into the conference room.

Bucky paid him no mind as he zeroed in on Fury narrowing his blue eyes, which flashed with firey anger. Fury scoffed ready to sass him as he stalked forwards, Nat and Steve standing suddenly aware of the danger but too late as Bucky caught Nick by the neck in his metal hand and slammed him against the wall. Bucky didnt flinch as his grip tightened around the mans neck, ignoring the gun Fury pressed against his temple almost immediately.

“WOAH!” Nat cried out hurrying forwards only to stop as Bucky glared at her, a warning to all of them. “Use your words Bucky,” she urged him.

“This bastards been using Y/N!” He growled, “and he’s going to stop.”

Steve moved forwards, “Buck, he can’t breathe-” he motioned to Fury who clutched at Bucky’s hand with one hand. He hadnt pulled the trigger but stared at Bucky unflinchingly.

Bucky growled as he dropped the other man and glared down at him. “You’ll let her go,” he pointed at Fury.

“Who said she’s not where she wants to be? Look, so she gets upset a few times, its not as if her life is on the line.” Fury supplied as he stood. The other three watched not sure what was going on. “What she does provides us with intel that we would have to torture to get!” He exclaimed.

Fury flinched as Bucky’s fist went through the wall beside him. “Fuck you, this will be put to an end!” He added threatening as he took a step back, Steve pulling him back now that his initial ire had died down.

Fury nodded, “alright, but if she is no longer on payroll then she’s just a civilian and so is her family. No more protection from us, she’ll be put out and those men that had her locked away will be able to find her again, is that what you want?” He asked. Fury didnt flinch this time as Bucky surged towards him, Steve caught him about the waist and dragged him towards the door.

“C'mon….lets talk this through Buck…Nat-” he looked over his shoulder at the redhead who hesitated a second and followed, Clint close behind.

They found themselves in the common room, Bucky pacing restlessly as he told them everything.

*****

A/N: Wanna be tagged? Leave a comment, send an ask or message! Thank you so much as always for reading my little but of insanity!

Tagging my darlins:

@ryverpenrad @the-great-irene @hellkat2 @magellan-88 @nenyakj @shamvictoria11 @tessab154 @mo320 @dustycelt @wildestdreamsrps @everybodycriesonce @thecupcakeconsumer @thekayceenicole @buckyappreciationsociety @rda1989 @aquabrie @tamianich @learisa @yknott81 @musichowler @thatawkwardtinyperson @toroom19 @lady-thor-foster @thebabewiththepwr @zofty15 @marveldcmistress @lostinspace33 @kelly27crickett @toastmaster94 @mizzzpink @elaacreditava @alyssaj23 @psychicwitchphilosopher @pegasusdragontiger @goody2shoessmut @insideoflit

Hope I got everyone! Let me know if i didn’t!~Tiku

#bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #james barnes #james x reader #james bucky x reader #bucky x reader #chubby reader #clint barton #natasha romanoff #nick fury #avengers #marvel #mutant reader

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trpg-dingusmaster · 7 years

Text

The plot was actually furthered! And a new character joins the party.

I missed a few sessions, not sure how many. Time isnt real.

anyway. a week or so ago, maybe two? The dm for the evening was running 90lbs FineCoal, though nobody knows I call it that.

a few things happened since I was there for this campaign.

- the new guy in the group (who I met during Bassun on the Sea) is playing a gnome pyrotechnic in this game

- the gang/faction we are most at odds with blew up a children’s hospital in what I assume was retaliation for liberating their sweatshop and stealing the rights to the land it was on but I’m not sure.

-new things were added to our base of operations but none of those were new bedrooms or a kitchen upgrade so its still cramped and weird like theres like 6-9 people living there but only 2 bedrooms? I assume this is what my character was doing while I was gone.

this session, as we went into town to restock things and sell stuff we noticed a new faction running around putting up fliers and standing on corners looking official while giving an announcement.

“By the decree of the Templars in one week all citizens will be reporting for a mandatory community meeting. We will be patrolling the streets until then to be certain that everyone attends and that no trouble is caused. Nonattendance is punishable by law.”

we did some investigating on who these people are and found out that they’re pretty basically the military police? they are I think supposed to answer only to the highest authorities but its possible they may not be in full cooperation but maybe thats just me thinking too far ahead. They may also have, or at least at one time had, some kind of agreement with the gang the party is against the most. Rumors say they are probably the reason magic no longer exists in the walled up nation.

time passes and we head to the meeting, the gnome is dressed up and disguised to look more like a child in hopes he’d be able to sneak around and investigate further. Hugo supplies him with some booze, coal, and sawdust/wood scrap to assist in any explodey shenanigans he might need to get up to.

He is however captured, somehow they know right away that he was in disguise. Based on how the dm described the encounter its not clear if its because of the rolls the gnome and healer made to craft the disguise OR if they had some other means, perhaps some magical means, to see through the disguise.

they load him up in an armored wagon to pick up other stragglers to the meeting and he gets a view of just how numerous and well armed the templars are. the gnome, wanting to stall some of them from being at the meeting or maybe bringing them to a trap says that he knows of a factory where the children are still working and are being withheld from the meeting. The templars say theres no time but would like to go there later and arrest the factory workers or something so he did the only reasonable thing and set the wagon on fire from the inside, eventually the wagon stopped and the doors were opened and he weaseled away to rejoin the party at the meeting.

mean while the oh so important address the templars wanted to give was a strange one.

-several books are now banned possession and reading of these books is punishable to the full extent of the law. some of these books were: the complete writing of alexander graham bell, the notes and diaries of nikola tesla, the legions, the crystal eye, history books from this year to this year, historical writings from these authors,

-all crystals, precious, and semi precious gems are now outlawed, ownership and use of any is punishable to the full extent of the law

-immediate search and seizure would begin, no back aly, mine, sewer, or forest would go unchecked

this was an odd because most of the citizens and even the players themselves are unable to read in the first place and are much too poor to own any crystals or gems.

never the less how dare they and Hugo threw a bottle at the speaker. the gnome caught the tail end of this and he, the healer, and the healers sibling set to starting a riot. claiming that these new regulations were going to raise taxes and the seizure of the gems was literal out right theft from people too poor to probably have any of worth anyway, it would disrupt businesses and the searching would be more like ransacking and vandalism.

hugo, the one handed girl, jamie, and the gnome then head off to the library once the riot seems to be getting going and the templars were all distracted. the healer- wearing a stolen high ranking gang uniform meets up with some lower ranking members if that gang and convinces them that increased templar activity would mean without a doubt a crack down on their criminal activity. Sooner or later whatever hold the street gangs have over the people would no longer suit the forces that allowed them to gain so much power. these people spread that word. the people are in a full on frenzy now.

Its also worth noting that a particular new npc was pointed out to us more than once during all of this: a very burly bald and beardless man well over seven feet tall but has otherwise only human features.

the group at the library find several books to steal but not quite enough and certainly not all the right ones. with further searching a secret door doubling as a book self hiding a spiral stair case is found and the one handed girl- being the one who can read the best of the lot is sent down to investigate. the rest stay upstairs waiting to hear her scream for help and to defend their position. the one handed girl finds several more books that the templars had listed as illegal but ALSO one that had a solid black binding and hundreds of blank black pages. upon picking it up she feels a powerful connection to it.

several templars enter the library and a fight begins, but it is quickly ended by the new oddly specific but unnamed npc. the group escapes, calling bruce the cabby to gather the party, drop three of members, healer, healers sibling and gnome head to the ruins hospital to loot. since there would be no one around to stop them what with the mayhem and murder happening. on the way the healers sibling witnesses and exchange between a templar and a higher ranking gang member, an exchange that suggested if the the two factions had any sort of agreement it was probably over/off the table now... but another interpretation could be: shut mouth don’t talk about that where someone could hear/see you. we don’t know yet.

heres where I got confused because the prty split up, at some point during the looting the healer found a strage door that the bombing had uncovered? or made easier to access because it wasnt hidden anymore? with the gnomes help they enter leaving the sibling to continue to loot. there was a long tunnel? and then a strange chamber with strange device that when described was probably a tesla coil. There was also an unusually large person guarding the room about 8 feet tall and very burly. there was also a book in there. I’m pretty sure he was guarding the book, which I assume was the writings of tesla based on context. they gnome and healer question the guardian trying to figure out what he was and why he was there. for some reason a fight begins? the tesla coil is part of some kind of trap system that does some clever stuff but I didn’t catch it. the two kill him and loot his body we didn’t get a description of his face i’m pretty sure it was too messed up from the fight? or maybe I just missed it, but I cant help but wonder if he too was bald and beardless?

when the group that headed to the cabin arrived, the one handed girl had begun investigating the books and discovered a note: unfortunately the note was a prop and the only one who could actually read all of the dms handwriting was me but HUGO cant read for shit, I’m not even sure he knew what books were until that day. but I don’t think the bits I picked out that others couldnt read were that important.

what it amounted to seemed to be that, something happened and it might happen again and they- the templars we assume -could not let that happen. I’m pretty sure I read a bit that said like- ‘we cannot allow ‘them’ to rise again,” but I wont know if that particular bit is important until the rest of the books are examined but even if it is I think think the group will be fine.

there was also a very old bank note worth over 200 coppers but probably needs to be appraised, at least to figure out how old those books are/how long they were in that secret room? idk but I’m sure theres something important there... surely its not just because the dm is concerned the party will starve to death in winter and thought to give us extra money to survive with.

the three who went to the hospital got back to the cabin, I’m pretty sure they stole a wagon.

the plan is, to examine the books a bit, then wrap them in leather and seal the leather in wax to bury them where we will be building something, then also having some decoy holes dug/filled in? and if a templar is like wtf is all this- we explain that were in the middle of construction or something and thats where we’re building stuff?

but I sort of suspect that have some magical or supernatural means of detecting things? so it might not matter... but if winters coming we probably need to have some weapons and defenses anyway because hungry wildlife is an issue we’ve been told.

the only book not getting buried is the black one- that is staying with the one handed girl. to what end? I’m sure we’ll find out.

Hugo is down to 44lbs FineCoal- the cabby requested payment in furs and meat instead of coal and copper this time around.

the ruffian, the noble, and the nobles guard were not present again, I’m pretty sure they just don’t like showing up to these campaigns with the weird rules.

#90lbs FineCoal #huntsman josiah hugo

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[TH] All the Pretty, Shiny Things

The walk home was always nerve wrecking. I constantly told myself that it didn’t bother me, but in reality, the last street lamp on my route plucks my nerves. It flickers on and off, and occasionally burns out, leaving those behind it to cast shadows of demons frolicking on the pavement in the dark. Or maybe they’re trees. I never really stopped to stare hard enough to look.

But I pass it, and make it the half block more. My keys laced between my knuckles, tumbling through my front door until I am once again in the sanctuary of my own home, always panting from the near sprint the last few minutes of the trip.

I’ve never been a brave one.

I hear my brother call out “hello” from the kitchen, and I manage a “hey” back between gasps for air, and drop my keys onto our hall table. I go back to the door and lock the 4 locks and set the alarm, turning around to admire the hallway table. It’s one of my favorite pieces of furniture in our shared house. Tall and slender, the black oak table sits flush against our matte gray walls, adorned with pictures above it. On it. Next to it. Our house is definitely a pottery barn cutout; “settlement money” may as well be plastered on the front door next to the house number. But it’s ours. Bought by us after our parents’ untimely deaths.

I don’t know if we have ever been the same. Tragedy has a funny way of affecting people sometimes. Holden started taking every course he could find on self defense. Weapons. Martial arts. Me? I hid. From my self, from the world, from everything I didn’t consider safe or comforting.

Fight or flight. It’s either in you or it’s not. It is most certainly not in me.

I walk into the kitchen and he’s sitting at the massive, dark marble island, typing away furiously at his lap top with a headset on. I smile at him and mouth “whats for dinner?” And he looks at me and shakes his head. I sigh.

The fridge is threadbare, partially because he didn’t food shop, and partially because he eats nearly everything in the house. Dude is a human vacuum.

I order a pizza, mouthing “pay for pizza” while making the hand gestures to him and I ruffle his hair as I pass. He throws some paper at my face and gives me the finger followed immediately by his award winning grin and a thumbs up. I laugh, and walk out of the kitchen to the sound of his discussion. A shower sounds so good right now.

The second floor of our house has 4 bedrooms and one “extra” room, two of which are master suites on each end of the floor. That extra room is a panic room. Accessible from both master suites, its in the middle of the floor and set to the back. Essentially a metal box, fortified steal makes up the walls on all sides. It's armed with weapons we are both trained and certified to use; cameras, beds, bathroom with a small shower, outside line, it’s own power source- literally any and everything you would and could possibly want out of a panic room. It also has enough provisions to sustain us for a month should we need.

By the grace of god, We have not needed.

****************

I turn off my light and go to bed. My sheets whispering against my skin softly as they wrap me in their cool, white embrace. I always need it cold when I sleep. The night was pretty cool so instead of turning on the air conditioning, I opened my windows. The breeze rolled over me and lulled me to a sweet sleep.

****************

I could have sworn I was sleeping for 20 minutes, but my clock on my phone read 1:57, so I had been sleeping for almost 5 hours when I heard the first sudden crash. I could feel my heart creep into my throat and felt frozen. I reached to turn on my light, and was puzzled for a second.

“What the fuck?” I said out loud, to no one in particular. The switch slid back and forth with soft clicks, but it didn’t turn on.

Something was wrong. This wasn’t just Holden banging ‘round, drunk on a Friday night. I reached into my nightstand and tapped the secret compartment that slid down from the top to offer me the hand gun she kept hidden. I racked a round into the chamber, and pulled the sheets back. I just have to make it to the safe room. Thats our plan. We don’t fight, we go for safety and assess the situation from there. My eyes trained on my window, still open to the 6 inches I had left it, and I scanned my bedroom, my eyes darting to the darkest corners, my mind betraying me with flickers in the blackness. I moved one foot out of my bed at a time, careful to not make sudden movements, and once my feet hit the floor I began my slow craw to the hidden door in my closet. My body felt like molasses, almost as if I was restrained, my legs and arms nearly immobile as I moved. The sweat was beading off of me now, my skin electric. I could feel it dripping off the tip of my nose and down my chest on to my breasts, slowly beginning to soak through my shirt.

I heard the first cry. I froze.

Unlike anything I have ever heard before, and I was a flood rushing to the door in my closet. Throaty and growling, animalistic. And then another bang. I was at the door now, and I put my finger on the entry pad and felt the gush of air as it opened.

The second. And a bang. What the actual fuck is going on. My hands were shaking. Get in, get in, get in.

I poured myself into it, and typed in the code behind me to seal it for 48 hours, which wouldn’t activate until Holden put his own in. I heard another inhuman cry, and a bang. And I cursed at myself for not being braver.

Fuck, Holden.

I looked around the room quickly, and immediately knew he wasn’t in there. None of the surveillance equipment had been turned on, and all lights were still dimmed. Behind the door, I relaxed a bit knowing I was safe, and began to turn everything on while I pulled on more practical clothing. It takes 2 minutes and 38 seconds for the system to fully boot, which is a lifetime if you’re fighting for your life, or worried about someone who maybe fighting for theirs. We spared no expense, however, and by the time I got my pants over my hips and was lacing up my tactical steel toed boots, I had a full view of the entire house, including his bedroom.

My heart bled in my throat as I scanned the wall of monitors for signs of life. Holdens, and whoever else might be in there. I turned on the sound and listened. The hum of Holdens ceiling fan softly floated through the speakers, and there he was, in bed. Sound asleep.

I felt sick. I frantically searched the rest of the house in the screens, but not one movement, not one thing out of place. No activation of the alarm. No dark figure lurking between rooms. The infrared cameras doing exactly what they were supposed to. I ran my fingers through my hair and over my face and take a deep breath. What the fuck is going on?

This room has its' own power source. My light didn’t work. Those screams. My mind races as I try to figure out what it is that I should do, and I decide that going to get him, that it is the only option. It’s the only way.

I go over to his door and punch in the exit code, and feel a familiar rush of air as it opens; I am so quiet, church mice are envious. The floor feels like quick sand under my knees and palms, pulling me into its abyss with each advance. I can hear my heart beat.

I get to the side of his bed and rise up. I can feel my throat close up, and the pressure build behind my eyes as I gently pull the covers back from him, the sting of tears burning behind them.

“Holden,” I breathe, “Please, Wake up.” I feel his body shift below my hand.

“What, Ryann, what are you fucking doing right now?” His voice is full of sleep.

“Please, please, just come with me. please. I heard something. The lights are out. You need to come, just come please. Reaper protocol.” I’m pretty sure my eyes were more pleading than my voice. He looks at me and I can feel the tears burning their paths down my cheeks, lava down a grass path.

“Oh, Ry, honey, nothings here. I promise” his voice is calm, assured. He slides his hands through my hair, and for a second I close my eyes and its ok. I feel his fingers come to the back of my head, and then pulls the back of it hard. My neck snaps back like an 80’s bracelet, and my vision blurs.

“HOLDEN!” I thrash.

I for a second I think I’m in my childhood home, and then I realize I am strapped to a bed. The walls gray. The frame metal. The bars on the insanely high window close, and thick. The bottom opened about six inches. The sheets white. The room cool. Theres a man standing over me telling me to calm down, but everything is underwater.

He was never there, the man says. This is a dream, he says. Take a deep breath, he says. Please, we don’t want to medicate you, he says.

I begin to calm down. My arms and legs are both restrained and I cant move the hair out of my face, and it’s in my mouth and sticking to me and I need it to stop.

“Ryann, do you know where you are?” The man says. And I just look at him, Is he insane?

“No, I don’t fucking know where I am. Where is my brother?” Calm but then “HOLDEN?! HOLDEN?! LET ME GO, LET ME FUCKING GO!” I could feel myself struggle. Futile. But I tried.

“Ryann, you’re in Letchworth Psychiatric Institute.” He says, gently. “Your brother Holden, and your parents, were murdered 15 years ago. “ he paused. I could feel the sting of salt sliding down my face. There is no way.

“No. Just mom and dad. Just mom and dad…” I trailed, “Not Holden. We live together. He does private security. I work for an attorney. I take the bus because I don’t like to drive. We order pizza because he never remembers to go food shopping.” I shook my head “ Not Holden. Tell me where he is. TELL ME!” I couldn’t tell if I was begging or if I was demanding, or if I was guessing.

The man looked at me with such sympathy, I could taste it.

“Ryann” he said " They were killed the summer of 2005. You killed them by accident. Someone had broken into the house. You were camping in the living room. Ryann, you shot them all, including the intruder, with the rifle your father kept in the closet. You have been here since this happened. Your family came running down the stairs. You didn’t know. You thought they were all intruders…” his voice trailed off. “ I tell you this once a month.”

I just looked at him, the tears stopped.

“I want to see my brother. Please. Just… let me see my brother.” I was calm now. I swallowed hard, and the pity mixed with sympathy in his eyes didn’t change. That’s ok. I was brave now. I’d find him.

You can be brave. Be the bravest you’ve ever been.

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#Blogger #Story

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vr2 · 5 years

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*turn around in shorts that say its time for my fuckin opinion on the ass* hey sweaty read to choke on my bns hot takes for uh lets see here uh ... t-two thousand words....

first of all... im pretty easily entertained so if u fail to do that its so like something has gone horribly wrong. i can enjoy pretty much anything halfway decent and i hate nitpicking on shit. but nitpicking implies small problems and sometimes the problem is the whole fucking thing. but man the direction bns has been going in is like. it really be like that, it really be just the most blatantly boring and uninspired it could go and here’s my fucking video essay that i will not do you the honour of being read aloud since the force of my opinion would crush your skull like a grape if spoken in the real world.

first of all. i generally didnt have a problem with act1 bns story, i honestly thought it had some cool characters, some COOL as fuck cutscenes and as a person that loves lore juice a lot of the characters held a lot of promise and the diary was a fun read despite being the absolutely worst most stupid way to deliver any sort of lore content.

the circular narrative, the tight ending and the callback to all the characters was pretty well-rounded, a little but hammy but adopting the hongmoon kids nad becoming the master of your school was pretty novel. i really felt like there were so many new places to go with this dynamic, like bns could do something new by giving the mc more stakes in other characters rather than being a complete wildcard drifter.

but they keep doing this fucking thing were they repeat story themes in a way thats become incredibly unwelcome. i can understand why npcs would become recurring characters, why certain objects etc are still relevant but the fact that beat for beat the endgame again is divine mandate, mushins there, namsoyoo in danger and someone gets killed off for the sake of idk tragedy i guess.

i think the worse thing is that the game tries to be tongue in cheek about its tropiness and normally id be like ok cool but the tropes are executed just so fucking blandly and soullessly its kind of insulting like. they really absolutely did not fucking try in the slightest for this one. not at fucking all.

ryu saying ‘oh it would be so bad if you passed out form poison at an inconvenient time’ and the obvious death flags from bunah and bunyang are incredibly grating when you have absolutely no fucking stake in the story, know exactly whats coming cause the writing repeats itself over and over and know the exact same beats.

at the very least most people can stand tropey anime, hell you can even ENJOY it if you are absorbed into the world and characters and the tropes are executed well. but this story is wholesale just same fucking shit slightly different npcs. it feels like they tries to manufacture drama in the most blatantly cheap way and it really lets itself down. i could honestly see them killing ONE of the kids for cheap and dirty tearjerking but man all of them leaving you alone again with jsy is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unebelievably lazy. we have entered asian tv drama levels but at least those are fucking interesting. even the dance number in this act was shit.

i think the most annoying thing is that bns is one of the first mmos i played way back when and i still genuinely like the game up to a point and i like the world and characters. im literally always moaning bout how they did fuck all with the eight masters but gave them the barest most tantalizing hints of interesting characterisation in the diaries. but i think that’s all you need. it doesnt need to be 24/7 ballz to the walls worldending tragedy shock tactics to be entertaining. it somehow feels like they played it so incredibly safe that they looped around and made the worst decision possible and i just really wish theyd hire just your random ass average fucking ln writer cause theyd at least make shit entertaining. like the long form story telling of a truple a game thats reaching nearly 10 acts now should definitely be better than this like. what a fucking way to drop the ball.

now. my second bone to grind. tell me why they actively REMOVED? ALL SIDE QUESTS? what kind of game, especially an mmo would fucking remove its OWN lore? why would that make any fucking sense? especially for how lore-light this game is but how vast its world is like sidequests felt like the absolute BARE minimum way to furnish this admittedly underdeveloped world. they at least gave us that slight illusion of depth and some of them were even fun! interesting! i still remember the sidequest where you go on a ‘hostage rescue mission’ to save an npc’s son who was kidnapped by lycandi and the npc who fucking gave you the mission murders his own son in front of you cause he was bumpin with the lycandi like. it’s not fucking riveting writing but it gave some more context to the places you visit, it’s SOMETHING about the supposed people that inhabit the world and it clearly makes some places more memorable than just ‘cool sky desert’, ‘cool sky city’, ‘cool sky village’.

im vaguely aware that this was done cause it ‘confused players’ who thought they had to do blue quests to level up to endgame and firstable idk why bns pushes endgame as the only ‘good’ part when its like in my humble opinion really fucking boring. you know people play mmos for different reasons? not just to reach lvl 100 super tier omega hongmoon thornbuster breakre 5000 and be no.1 in pvp. just looking flashy and good combat isn’t really enough to compete these days. im guessing its a push to the esports scene but also like you really want to serve one side better by doing relateively arbitrary thing that fucks over pve ppl? like?

also there ARE genuinely people interested in the world and content and story as exemplified by all the oc and various comics and even even some official webcomics like i honestly dont think nc at all in any way nurtures that side of their mmo nearly enough especially when you see how healthy and thriving ff14 and other communities are in their oc scene. the sheer fact that people still stuck around despite the experiene of playing bns being patently awfully optimised and an uphill battle in every single way is testament to the fact that maybe some people just genuinely like the game? gutting it is absolutely antithesis to that.

i actually cant wrap my head around purposefully deleting lore cause it makes ‘grinding to endgame’ too confusing like does the story take that low a priority? the fucking ACTUAL game and the story is less important than people mindlessly burning themselves out to endgame, grinding dungeons and buying lootboxes like you cant do in literally every other game anyways? why would you get rid of some of the only shit that makes your game even slightly different? like im not out here saying it was the most revolutionary great shit but at least the side quests TRIED to give a modicum of flavour to bns. like they at least attempted to add to all the zones and make them places rather than set pieces were story happens to you then you leave and never come back. it doesnt even have to be revolutionary amazing writing to do that it just needs to be serviceable to give even the slightest sense of depth.

but for some reason rather than idk. just tell people theyre just flavour text and theyre not compulsory or just toggle on/off the fucking blue quest markers you decide to fucking? nuke the already translated (which someone no doubt paid for), completely unintrusive, absolutely functional, if somewhat tedious sidequests? making the whole fucking game even MORE barren and lifeless? FOR FREE? what a fucking deal.

i literally cannot understand this clownery this absolute idiot idea could only have been concocted by the specific brand of stupidity found only in corporate sales dept. but like i think its also emblematic of how this game has no creative direction other than make Money which is fucked cause theres genuinely many parts of this game that i enjoy from like characters, music, visuals theres A LOT of promise in bns even if it takes a lot of legwork to get to it. as much as people give htk shit he absolutely made this game what it is visually and thematically, the soundtrack fucking rocks, theres some solid characters and story elements, a lot of the game still holds up visually and som of it dare i say looks fucking good. give bns a try its free to play.

maybe ive just been spoiled by fgo and gbf and literally every other popular game ACTUALLY trying to write good shit. trying to give their readers lore, trying to make things genuinely ENJOYABLE as a game should be rather than a part time job. but man i always forget after act1 bns really reveals why its never broken out from being a midweight grindy mmo

#time to go back to just playing story and sleep #it wont even load for more than 5 seconds wo crashing tho #better delete some more sidequests to fix that yall #if bns hired me it would be exclusively to point a knife at the writers when they try stupid shit #renbns

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greensungnostic · 5 years

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(Grand)father's day

Well, it's Sunday. You promised the old man you'd come for a visit, have a special little father's day with him. It'll be nice, spending time with him outside of his study. You start things off by shuffling sleepily down to the kitchen, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you start up the stove. In a cast iron skillet, you lay down a few slices of thick bacon, a few rolls of sausage, and once they're starting to sizzle and fill the pan with a cheerfully popping sizzle, you crack a few eggs in the to fry in the fat. Next you add some tomato, a few mushrooms, and a strip of black pudding all together, two servings sizzling merrily away in the large pan. You pop a few slices of bread in the toaster, put on a pot of beans to cook, then put the kettle on while you wait for it all to cook up. A Full English Breakfast, his favourite. Once it's all nice and ready, you butter the toast, cut it into triangles, and plate everything up. With a newspaper tucked under your arm, you gather the pair of plates up, floating your teacups along behind you with your powers. You ascend to the second floor on foot, lightly tapping at it with your toeclaws to announce your presence. You call through the door -

grandpa! its fathers day! i brought you your favourite! breakfast in the study!

You finagle his doorknob with your hands full, using your elbow to twist it just enough to pop the latch and enter into the dim, musty room once more. He's here of course, staring long and thoughtful into the fireplace once more, which flares into life when you approach. He never seems to get tired of that trick! You set the plates down at the desk, pulling up the stiff side chair to face it.

oh come on i know you are busy but it is your fathers day breakfast, at least come over here!

He makes no moves from his firewatching vigil, so you roll your eyes and push him over there directly, leaving him standing behind his desk, looking at the pleasant tendrils of fragrant steam rising from his plate. He doesn't sit - never has been one to sit for anything but the fanciest meals. But you do sit, tucking into the hearty meal with a soft smile on your face. You don't go to the trouble of a Full English very often, but it is good. You can see why it's his favourite. He doesn't seem very hungry - he scarcely seems to want to touch it - but you can tell from the twinkle in his eye that he appreciates it all the same.

are you gonna finish that bacon and sausage? no? okay thank you grandpa! hehehe, i know, you dont want to mess up your mustache. it looks very nice today! so sharp, so smart!

You snag his uneaten meats, munching them up, as well as one of his little mushrooms. While you eat, you figure he'd like to hear any new news. You were just here the other day so there's not a ton new, but you can touch on it all the same. It's sweet of him to take interest in his granddaughter's life, after all! You look up at the old man in his Stout Dignity, offering a small smile while you speak.

hmm? no nothing super exciting has happened this week, honestly. just did some more gardening and stuff, you know i love to do that! yes grandpa i make sure im armed. no i dont think every earthworm has a chance to grow - yes i read dune, those dont actually exist or if they do the worms in my soil are not precursors to sandworms!! pffft!

How silly of him, to even think that your garden worms could become shai-hulud.

other than that, ive mostly just been playing this game with some friends! no like an online one! it is called mine craft and it has you... well, mine ores and craft things out of them! theres lots of adventure, monsters to fight, and more! yes im well armed ive got a magic bow and sword! i might be one of the better strife combatants on the server honestly. i run around on a horse named hubble, exploring for resources and building tunnels and quarries and supplying people with stuff! its really fun, id only ever played it alone before recently. you might not like it though, theres no guns! just bows and crossbows. maybe some could be modded in though! or shoot fireworks at people!

He seems interested, though a dourness seems to befall him when he hears there's no firearms. Maybe it's not a good idea, he'd probably kill all the cute non dog animals. At least he seems tickled by your horse's name. Always naming things for scientists, it's the Harley way. You put your fork and knife down, stacking his half full plate atop your empty one to do away with them both - a quick zap of dishes into the sink. You down your tea, then do the same with the cup. You rise up, looking up at the towering old gentleman.

so tonight is a werewolf night so i dont have aaaaalll night unless you really wanna see me go full furry and cavort around like a loon, but i thought you might want to spend some time together outside today? i set up a little shooting range so i can show you my marksmanship! wanna go see how im doing? im on my sixth prestige level on riflekind so you could say im pretty good!

Grandpa doesn't seem averse to the idea. He always wants to make sure you're well armed, well prepared, so showing your prowess is likely to be a good activity! You loop your arms around one of his, green lightning dancing around the two of you before the scene suddenly shifts to a spot outside in the fields. The fruits of your gardening labour, both figurative and literal, sprawl out in all directions to the edges of the ship. The Breeze ruffles through your hair and the looser bits of Grandpa's expeditionary outfit, the smell of flowers and vegetation in the air. Dotted here and there, you've set up little dummy copies of monsters - a papier mâché ogre here, a clay swarm of imps, little rudimentary robotic underlings bobbing and weaving as targets. You can tell Grandpa is surveying the targets, his grip on the Blunderbuss tight. But they're not his to destroy, they're yours. You draw out a stopwatch, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. It's quite a stressor, showing off your skills to your Grandfather. Okay, you're ready. You click the starter....

Strife.

Your spring into action, your GIRL’S BEST FRIEND deploying from within your specibus and into your hands. You fire a volley of pinpoint-accurate shots into a swath of imps, each one perfectly removing the heads in a spray of fine dust. You YOUTHROLL as if avoiding a barrage of attacks, stopping on a knee to switch to the GREEN SUN STREETSWEEPER and eviscerate a mechanical lich. You swap through your rifles one by one, blasting apart the targets you've set up, each shot dead in the middle of the bullseyes painted on them. You slide, you run up a tree and jump off to shoot upside down in midair, you rifle butt a basilisk. For a grand finale you light the papier mâché ogre ablaze with a green sun flamethrower to soften it up, then swap to your LITTLE BUSTER guitar-rifle to first ventilate it, then pummel it into cinders with the base of the instrument. You let out a little cheer and stop the stopwatch, dancing on the spot in celebration. You check the timer. 1:34.62. Just over a minute and a half, not bad. You bound back over to Grandpa, a big grin and a light sheen of sweat on your face. You gesture out over the dust of your destruction, other small bots already scurrying out to collect the destroyed targets, the spent casings.

voila!! howd i do grandpa?? not a bad time for all those baddies, if i do say so myself! do you like the bass guitar? it shoots .45s and also grenades from the headstock and its good for bashing with too! it dual-classes as an axekind weapon too, haha... i converted it from a regular old classic rickenbacker myself!

You hold up the LITTLE BUSTER for his perusal. He looks on with what feels like an air of appraisal, as if inspecting your craftsmanship. You stay quiet for a long moment to just let him see, before he seems satisfied. A glint of approval, what might be interpreted as a smile behind your grandfather's dense moustache. He's never been good at praise, but you can tell he's proud.

haha, thank you for coming out and watching, grampa. it means a lot to get to show you that, and all this too! do you like how the gardenship looks? ive been up to my eyebrows in dirt making it all cute! look over there, you can see rip van maple, just growing and growing! technically its only a few years old but the growth acceleration puts it at like three hundred!

You spend the next hour or so pointing out nearby points of interest, talking about the care and maintenance and upkeep of your garden, your robots, even the dogs. As if conjured by the utterance of his name, Becquerel appears, curling up at his master's feet like he's prone to. You scratch between your direwolf sized hound's ears and sit down against him, still quietly talking to grandpa.

so how has work been going in there, grandpa? oh, right i know, business trade secrets, cant discuss them! still i hope you are not working too hard in there. you always seem so lost in thought... maybe looking out the window once in a while instead of into the fireplace would give a fresh perspective! shhh i know it is the favorite spot but still! you might even see me running around from in there, haha...

You sigh, looking up at the imposing figure above you. The wind rustles his mustache, and he stalwartly gazes off into the middle difference. Maybe, he seems to think. Maybe he'll try it out. You can tell he must be getting tired though, time to get back to work. You lightly grasp his shirt hem, and Bec returns all three of you to the study. This time his perch does seem to be near the window, overlooking the grape vines and the little bench you built for Rose, just offset from the pane to spare himself the excess light and the ominous silhouette in the window. You pull a little box from your sylladex, a gift for your beloved Grandpa. You can tell he's too lost in thought to pluck at all the lavish ribbons and paper you've wrapped it in, so you unbox it for him. Within he finds a few Artifacts - the skull of a monster that you put onto his mantlepiece immediately; a bottle of his theoretically favourite Cognac, which you put on a shelf next to a few similar bottles of brown alcohol. Clink. And last but not least, a loud Hawaiian shirt with a computer woven into the threads. It's bright, it's garish, it's absolutely nobody's style. You set this neatly folded on his desk, where he can deal with it at his leisure.

okay grandpa, i know you gotta work... thank you for coming out with me today! it was nice to spend time with you... ill come visit again soon, okay? i love you soooooo much grandpa!! happy fathers and grandfathers day!!

You hesitate, then scurry over and hug the old man, clinging tight to his sturdy frame. A single tear runs down your cheek and musses his khaki attire, but it's only a small watermark. You gaze up at the lofty gentleman, ears angled backwards for a moment, wishing he'd return your affection now and then. But it's alright. It's tough for old men full of machismo to show their love. You know he cares from the wistful look in his eyes. You hold onto his hand for a moment, squeezing gently, then depart. As you go, you hear the soft chime of a wardrobifier, perhaps triggered by the teardrop. You look back, and he's wearing the shirt you got him. With a soft smile you slip from his study and close the door behind you, murmuring one more time -

happy fathers day, to a wonderful grampa...

#whoops a day late))#had to spend time with actual family irl))#long post #solo writing #solo rp #drabbles #death cw/#guns cw/

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