Hiii I want to know something about the mcyt su au! The way you assign gems to each person, does their personality influence the choice?? Or are you just going for the visual vibes of he gemstone? How do you choose

honestly it depends! some designs like bdubs was definitely more based on visuals, nephrites are green and have that one big eye so i was like, omg, that's very bdubs so i went with that for his gem.

others i feel are more personality-based, like scar as a spinel. or role-wise with mumbo as a peridot. it honestly depends on what grabs me more.

but the most important thing for me though is that for base designs (non-fusions) i try as much as i can to stick to ONLY canon designs/gems we've seen in the show, this is so i can pretty much directly pull color palettes from those characters and keep it as loyal-looking to the show as possible. it makes them more recognizable as SU designs in my mind, i did this with both gemcyt and gemstuck with only a couple exceptions (nepeta as a cat's eye, docm as bloodstone, etc.) i think a part of the fun challenge is trying to conform with these baseline designs while also trying to make the character recognizable. it's why some troll gemstuck designs have horns, and others don't. it depends on if i feel it was vital for their design aspects as most gems (unless corrupted) don't have horns.

with fusions i'm a lot more free-form with it, but for base designs i like to have at least 1 solid reference to compare the design to so i can try to match the show as close as possible. obviously this means i'm limited on what gems i can make people, and sometimes that puts me in a tricky spot because i also dislike doing too many repeats of the same gem, exceptions in both gemstuck/gemcyt being that i have multiple pearls (kanaya/eridan/jane in gemstuck, joel/pearl in gemcyt)

because let's be honest if we did this only on gem societal roles, the majority of the hermits would be either peridots as redstoners or bismuths/lapis lazulis as builders

so as far as choosing gems, that's sorta my mindset going into it! it's a mix of things but there's restrictions i give myself and i try to work within those when i can! :D

Tbh i kinda favor the god!reader concept, like imagine the player just done streaming and then go to sleep, and then they wake up in Nevada floating with halos and wings for some reasons

Example of how they would look like:

(i headcanon that whenever Phobos pray to his shrine of player, they could hear it, like-they be trynna sleep in Nevada but keep hearing someone praying into their ears and have no idea that person is Phobos

[I also saw the post you mentioned me in, so I'll reblog that with an addition in a moment as well. <3]

Yes! I absolutely love overpowered versions of readers, so you're definitely preaching to the choir with this one haha. :D I like your hc for how the reader would look too, it's giving me biblically accurate angel vibes with the wings, and I love that kinda stuff, so I already rate this 10/10 lol.

To be more specific with this though, I find it hilarious that the Player would be able to hear prayers from Phobos without knowing it was him. I'd imagine that it might even be annoying since having someone speak to you at all times of the day and being unable to get away from that could get grating. It's obvious that whoever it is was speaking about you, as they said your title quite a lot, but you didn't know why hearing them was all that necessary if you couldn't do anything to help them out directly. You can't even speak back (or at least you wouldn't know how to). At least it could be useful for communication with your vessels if you told them you could hear prayers made to you.

I'd also imagine that having new features like that would take some getting used to. Floating wings seem like they might be cumbersome at first, as you'd be taking up a lot more space than you're used to, although the chance possibility that you'd be able to fly would probably make up for that. Gods are also (usually) all-powerful beings, which means that there's no way the Employers would be able to keep you hidden away. It's a clear benefit for you (because you can pretty much do whatever you want), but there's also the question of whether you'd even be able to control that level of strength in the beginning. 🤔 It would probably come naturally though; if you really are a God, it'd make sense that your powers would extend to immediate expertise as well.

Then there's the fact that the Player's new appearance and abilities would prove Phobos' (and Jebus') claims of your holiness and divinity, I mean, it's pretty obvious at this point that others would be able to see signs of it, even if you didn't show off your abilities. It makes me wonder if more grunts would see fit to "worship" you (perhaps Phobos really has a chance at becoming the head acolyte amongst your other worshipers). Such a thing would definitely allow you to become a large force for good in Nevada (which I'm sure those in the S.Q. would appreciate).

ok go swim 1, 7, 10, 12, 19, 24, 42, 57

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS

What’s the lie your character says most often?

"I'm okay. I'm fine." Or "That's no longer me." Literally, anything that pertains to when Sun was...as we like to call it baby faced. He was never weak. Not even when he was under Bentley's orders because his heart was so big and so full and he was golden. That made him brave and strong, but Sun felt that he was weak so...He'd lie and shield that side of himself in any way that he could. That's his biggest lie.

What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

Me? Hmm...I haven't thought about that, BUT I guess if I were in a crowd and I lost my boy, I'd say something like 'HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BABY MONKEY BOY!?!?!?!" That'd get his attention. he'd be so embarrassed. As for his romantic partner or best friend? NEZHA probably would yell out his nickname "FUZZBUTT" or something, right? Sun doesn't want anyone else to know that Nezha calls him that so he'd RUN to Nezha so fast and tell him to 'shut the fuck up.'

What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

There isn't much, really. But when Sun was baby-faced, the most excited thing he'd tell people at every chance he got was...winning in so many caged fights 😔. Because he'd win, he'd do good in his eyes and he'd get praise.

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

Something that makes Sun laugh every single time...SHIT. You know, Sun hasn't actually laughed since, y'know...Well, so in one of my current threads, Sun actually chuckles when MK talks about their first meeting with Monkey King. Know for a fact that if there's anyone who's heard Sun laugh in Current Sun, it'd be Monkey King. Sun's going to run to Monkey King and tell him what MK told him and....he'd actually laugh-laugh. To imagine that whole first meeting and imagine Monkey King getting splat only for him to squeak or whatever, it's actually a funny image!

What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

Stuck in a room that Sun's been avoiding wouldn't really turn out great. But it also depends. Who IS the person that Sun's avoiding. There's a list of people really. It can go one of two ways. There could be a fight breaking out between the two, or just straight up dead silence.

Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

Sun didn't just take a cookie. He took the whole jar and it was an assortment of cookies. So! Whoever wanted some cookies is shit out of luck. Get another jar.

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

The title of this topic would be WHY ARE YOU NEVER HONEST WITH YOURSELF?

The title says it all, doesn't it? This lying mo'fucker needs to seriously be more honest with how he's feeling instead of hiding it behind some prickly, assholery attitude. I'm gonna say this because you know....Monkey King hides his feelings but he's not an asshole....Sun should take a page from his mentor's book tbh

What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

There isn't really much that Sun messes up on that's like a daily activity. Though, in the past, he couldn't eat without making a huge mess. I can picture the people he surrounded himself by here in Spirale would have to wipe some kind of mess off of him. He was also really bad at grooming himself and so that was another thing. BUT now, well...Sun doesn't really mess up on simple activities.

@ringlorn

Oh for sure it'd be really difficult to find somebody who could play the role even half as well as Peter Falk, but I don't like to roll over and say it's impossible to recast the role. One big story problem would be his being a cop. Which uhhhh I don't think that'd fly. As bad as police were then, they are so much worse. A man like Columbo just wouldn't last long. He's too good. One cop murders someone, Columbo'd expose him as is his moral obligation, and he'd lose his job.

The mental image of basically the Martin Landau episode but it's Peter Falk hunting down Peter Falk is such a gonzo idea I'm sure Falk would love it. It wouldn't make a lick of sense but DAMN IT it'd be fun!

two peter falks a la landau in double shock is exactly what i had in mind! itd be so campy that i think it would wrap back around and be good. i could probably talk him into it. now i just need a ouija board...

regarding cophood, i've had that talk on twitter a few times. i wrote a little thread on it here.

i imagine a current-day columbo as likely a licensed private investigator, someone who works in tandem with the law but not as part of the police. that way, he'd retain the legal authority and access to resources that he uses to obtain and interpret information, but without being part of the problematic entity that is the modern institution of american policing.

really, they're incompatible. there's no way in hell a police department in the 2020s would let columbo exist, and i don't think a columbo in the 2020s would want to remain a police officer. i mention in that twitter thread that cops were always bastards, but at least back then a cop was just some asshole with a shirt and a revolver, maybe a semiauto pistol or vest if they wanted to really beef it up. nowadays they're armed like combat soldiers with none of the commensurate training.

SWAT gear? carrying an AR? bullying, beating, killing a suspect into compliance? that's not how columbo conducts business.

pictured: sly, unarmed little elf

in terms of a new person inhabiting columbo, as much as i'd like to see it, i am pretty firmly in the camp of it being nearly impossible to do. columbo was as much peter falk as peter falk was columbo. they're two different men obviously, but as i've mentioned before, falk put so much of himself into columbo that it's difficult to divorce the two entities. they're like dr. jekyll and mr. hyde.

i'd be totally down for something else. maybe an animated series, an origin story, a columbo descendent, or even just a series with an inverted mystery and a new character who evokes columbo but isn't by name (last i heard natasha lyonne is working on something like this with rian johnson, the knives out director). we need more new media and less reboot media, anyway.

but my opinion on a modern revival of columbo proper? ech. it really isn't as simple as "mark ruffalo looks like columbo" or "natasha lyonne acts like columbo". i think a project relying on that is doomed to fail.

i cannot overstate how legendary a show 70s columbo is in almost every regard. it's not enough to merely have curly hair or channel peter falk in a performance; that show was such an insanely auspicious coalition of talented moving parts that i think it'd be nearly impossible to recapture that sheer magic. you would have to have a huge budget, a ton of the RIGHT talent, a strong creative vision, and a lot of time to even have a chance of approaching that baseline of quality, which, good luck getting on netflix or amazon prime or whatever.

but even if you managed a big budget, it'd be dicey. hell, the bar was set so high that falk himself mostly failed to clear it when he brought his own series back. that's the real barometer of success potential for me.

that said, if i'm ever proven wrong, and on this i would love to be proven wrong, i'd be extremely impressed with whoever managed it. i'd even have to give them brownie points for merely trying--as long as they don't try any weird CGI necromancy.

Hold Me Now by the Thompson Twins ethubs

okay, i literally left my overwatch game at the very beginning just to listen to this song. also im honored that you thought to send this to me whoever you are

this is a banger song btw

i think "both of us searching for some perfect world / we know we'll never find / so perhaps i should leave here" is really good. because i think ideally etho is looking for a world where he and bdubs can be okay together, but in the end his hand is always forced and he decides to save himself rather than letting them both die together, painfully, because at least bdubs can live on in his memory, right? he does so much to run around and get lives for bdubs, whether it be through tango or the scar safety net. he'd do anything for bdubs, except die.

bdubs, on the other hand, WOULD die for etho, and he does, somewhat. he's looking for a world where someone will be as devoted to him as he is to them, and nobody realizes that they'd be nothing without bdubs -- ren, scar, etho. but he's always placed in second because of how eager he is to give his full loyalty to people; he's like a dog, always waiting for his owner to come home. he knows that etho will always save himself before anyone else. he knows what lengths etho would go to just to stay alive, the lengths that his self-preservation reach.

"but you know that there's nowhere that i'd rather be / than with you here today" etho even states that he gets tempted by bdubs' offer to be red with him and cause chaos, because he loves being with bdubs, and he loves causing chaos. even when bdubs is red, etho still lets them live together, he still lets his guard down and he still keeps close contact with bdubs no matter their circumstances. he could've easily gone somewhere else, instigated a fight so that he could drive bdubs out, he had multiple connections at that point. but he didnt. because he liked their base, and most of all, he liked being with bdubs. the fence was nothing but a safety precaution, but it isn't like etho thought bdubs would truly attack him anyways, which is secured by the fact that bdubs was the boogeyman so early on and easily couldve killed etho on so many occasions.

going along with that, "you ask if i love you / what can i say? / you know that i do / and that this is just one of those games that we play / so i'll sing you a new song / please, don't cry anymore / i'll even ask your forgiveness / though i don't know just what im asking for" to me represents etho being upset and distraught by bdubs' death, and he would apologize for it given the chance just to make bdubs not feel bad about it, but he knows in his heart that he wouldnt have done it any other way. if he were to apologize, he wouldn't be sure what it'd be for.

i think bdubs and grian's analyses of etho were both correct in their own rights. etho does love and care for bdubs deeply, but in the end, he has to preserve himself. bdubs knows it, yet doesnt want to see that part of etho, because he's is perfect for him in every other way, so if he just pretends hard enough... maybe etho will be as devoted to him as he is to etho.

TL;DR - i made ethubs way more dramatic than it actually is, because thats what i like doing

The Passing of Fortune

Streets of Vacuo, 20 years prior to the Fall of Beacon:

This was almost certainly the most difficult moment of Boone Bailey's life. Just a week prior he was on top of the world. Finally a big shot Huntsman with a beautiful woman at his side and a baby on the way.

Lady Luck sure picked a hell of a time to collect her due, huh?

Losing Nelly had broken something in him, something he didn't know could be broken until now. He was trying his hardest to hold on, for his daughter's sake, but as many monsters as he'd slain, this was something he didn't have the strength for. Not without Nelly. Not now.

He made sure the girl was bundled up tight. Maybe it was a cliche, but the basket he carried her in happened to be the most comfortable thing on hand. She was sound asleep. Probably the most asleep she'd been since she was born. That was good, it'd make this a hell of a lot easier.

He stopped in front of the orphanage. The streets were completely dead, not even so much as a rat scurrying about. Made sense with how late it was. The only witness to his deed would be the shattered moon. Tenderly, he placed the basket down, taking one last opportunity to look at the girl.

"I'm sorry baby," he whispered, knowing fully well that the child wouldn't know what he was saying even if she were awake to hear it. No, this was for him. "I really wish it didn't have to be like this. Hell, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I know this ain't the best place to grow up, but it'll be better than stickin' around with me. I'd probably end up bein' the shittiest dad around without your mama."

Kneeling next to the basket, he simply watched her for a few moments. She was so peaceful, completely unaware of what was occurring. The sweet, unburdened innocence he was letting slip away from him. It wasn't too late to change his mind, but he knew he couldn't do that to the poor girl. She at least deserved the chance at a better life than he could provide. Wearily, he forced a smile.

"You have her eyes, you know that?" It was a sappy line, and he felt his eyes watering a bit as it came out. The Huntsman raised a hand to wipe at the tears behind his shades. "I got a feelin' you're gonna be just like her one day. Got my word on that one. At the very least, I know wherever you end up, you'll do her proud. Do us both proud. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day."

He leaned down to kiss the baby on the forehead, gently, so as to not disturb her slumber. After which, he slipped the note into the basket with her. Already written up, just a simple message to the staff, and gift for his little girl. Then he stood, taking another look down at his daughter. Was this really the best he could offer, just passing her along to someone else? Honestly, in that moment, Boone wasn't sure. All he knew was the best didn't lie with him.

"Take care of yourself, baby. And please, don't be too hard on your new folks. Whoever they end up bein', I'm sure they're gonna love you as much as I do."

With that final goodbye, he turned to take his leave. He made it a few blocks away when he heard the sound of crying carry out over the streets. Glancing back, he saw a window in the orphanage light up. Once again, he forced a smile, sniffing as he tried to hold back the tears.

....

...

..

.

Shade Academy, Team DAWN dorm room, 3 years prior to the Fall of Beacon:

Caitlyn Nash lay on her bed, absentmindedly turning over the black poker chip in her hand. Her life had changed so much in the past few days, and her acceptance to Shade had given her little time to process the new information she'd been given just before her departure from the orphanage she'd called home these past seventeen years.

"Are you going to stare at that thing all day, or are you going to unpack?" her teammate interrupted. Alecto, that was her name right? Honestly, Caitlyn was pretty bad with names, and having only met these people yesterday hadn't made learning them any easier.

"Unpack?" Caitlyn sat up, looking over at the other girl. Uh-oh, she looked annoyed.

"Yeah, Jet, Willa, and I already finished up. You know, over the last couple hours. The others went down to get some food. They left me behind to snap you out of... whatever it was you were doing."

"Oh, shoot, has it really been that long?" She took a look around and sure enough, the other two were nowhere to be found, and it seemed like several personal effects now adorned the room. Whoops.

"Er, sorry about that. I mean, I guess I'm pretty much done unpacking anyway at least?"

"Really?" Alecto interrogated. "What, do you only have one outfit or something?"

"Um, two actually." Her eyes fell, a little embarrassed at the admission. Unconsciously, her gaze drifted back to the chip. Clearly this was something her teammate had picked up on.

"What exactly is that thing anyway, a poker chip? You don't really seem like the gambling type. Is there some kind of deal with it? You haven't stopped staring at it since we got here."

"It's-," she hesitated. How exactly was she supposed to talk about this? Honestly, she was a pretty bad liar. It was probably best to just get it out there. They'd be spending the next four years together after all, it wouldn't hurt to get to know each other, right?"

"It's a gift from my parents. One of the only things they gave me."

"A poker chip? That's got to be one of the worst birthday presents I can think of."

"No, it's not like that," Caitlyn continued, laying back down and facing the ceiling. "I grew up in an orphanage. Lived my whole life there, never met my parents. None of the caretakers knew them either, said they found me on the doorstep one night. But, that wasn't the whole story. Apparently, there was a note too. All it said was to give me this chip on the day I left. That day was when I left for Shade."

"Oh..." Alecto let the word trail off. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"It's fine, it's not like I'm mad or anything. It's just kinda my life, you know?"

"I guess. Still, seventeen years without getting adopted, that had to be hard." She sat on the bed next to Caitlyn. "Well hey, you have us now. I'm sure I speak for the whole team when I say we have your back."

"Oh! Um, thanks Alecto, I really appreciate it. And, listen, I know I was kinda distracted today, but I promise it's not gonna get in the way of me being a team player too."

"Hey, don't mention it, kid. Now, why don't we catch up with the others? I could use a bite myself."

"That's a good idea. Like, a really good idea." She hopped out of bed, making a beeline for the door.

"Race ya' there!" she called back before bolting down the hall, any sense of melancholy completely discarded.

Prove Me Wrong, Darling

who doesn't love a bit of enemies to lovers? :)

You and Agatha had never gotten along. From your perspective, it was due to a conflict of interest. Whereas if you asked her, she'd likely say it was a conflict of intelligence, or something else insulting along those lines. Though the issue you had with the fellow witch wasn't her attitude, rather her underestimation of your powers. It'd started with her massacre of the Coven, when she'd attempted to end your life alongside the others. But to her surprise, you'd been strong enough to defend yourself and escape. Since then, there'd been several instances where your paths had crossed, and you hadn't let her live down the failure yet.

This particular occasion was different, however, as Agatha had asked you for help.

It'd taken everything in you not to immediately mock her. But you knew that she'd leave without further explanation if she felt ridiculed, and you were just dying to know what had made her stoop to your level. So, you'd swallowed your pride and attentively listened to her proposal. It'd mostly featured the repeated phrases "immense power" and "huge source of energy," and even a confession that she was baffled by the cause, which only intrigued you further.

Although you weren't too interested in accumulating anymore power, the opportunity to be on level ground with Agatha was too good to pass on. You confessed this to her upon accepting the invitation, which resulted in an unimpressed eye roll. Regardless of her annoyance, you left that same day, arriving in the least expected location. A quaint town in New Jersey.

"Well," You landed behind Agatha in the middle of a road, surveying the picturesque, colourless neighbourhood. "isn't this lovely."

She pursed her lips, looking round similarly perplexed. "Lovely?" She echoed. "This is like every outdated suburban stereotype rolled into one. Like some kind of picture-perfect movie set."

Her condescending comment jogged a memory. "That's what I was thinking of!" You exclaimed, clapping your hands enthusiastically. "Did you ever watch that sitcom- from the 50s? The Dick Van Dyke Show?"

"From the title alone I'm glad I didn't."

"Seriously, it's practically the same setting." You moved to stand directly in front, forcing her to look at you.

"So, what you're saying is someone used this insane amount of power just to recreate their favourite TV show?" She quirked an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed by your theory.

"Well, wouldn't you?"

"No."

"Anyway." You glanced down at the rather eye-catching ensemble Agatha was currently wearing, then at your comparably casual yet modern clothes. "This isn't going to work." With a wave of your hand, the jeans and jumper combo was replaced by a more period accurate pencil skirt and blouse. Satisfied, you looked up at her expectantly.

Taking it as a challenge, she copied the gesture, managing to both create a new dress and fix up her hair. She smirked, enjoying the chance to show off her superior abilities.

"It's not a competition." You huffed.

She placed a hand on your arm fake comfortingly. "Of course not, dear."

The contact caused you to shiver slightly. It felt as though her touch ignited sparks, though the sensation wasn't exactly unpleasant. Quite the opposite, in fact. But indulging in it didn't feel right either, so you were grateful when Agatha removed her hand.

Her face dropped, eyebrows furrowing. Slowly, she swivelled round to point at a house. "There. Can you feel it?"

Following her outstretched finger, you tuned into the energy, focusing specifically on the house. "Mhm." Unsurprisingly, Agatha was right. An unfamiliar energy was being emitted from whoever was inside. You tried to pinpoint what kind of magic the user possessed, but found no trace of any familiar type. "Shall we go meet the neighbours, then?"

"You read my mind." She muttered, narrowing her eyes and offering an arm without so much as sparing a glance in your direction.

You hesitated, taken aback by the kind gesture. It hadn't dawned on you until then that an incredibly powerful being was residing little over 10 metres away, and that you were both about to willingly walk into their house. Looping your arm with hers created a naïve sense of safety.

Neither spoke as you approached the house with faux confidence, only pausing for Agatha to summon a potted plant. A house warming gift, you guessed. The simple gesture of goodwill brought a smile to your face.

"I didn't expect you to be such a considerate neighbour." You whispered.

"Gotta make a good first impression." She reached out to knock against the door.

---

You sighed. Barely an hour spent in this black and white world and you were already bored. Everything was so tiresomely perfect, so normal that you questioned how you'd ever suffered through those terrible old sitcoms in the first place. Sitting in Wanda's living room, the only entertainment was your partner in crime Agatha, or Agnes, as you ought to say.

She was currently flipping through a magazine, tracing the page with her index finger and reading aloud to help Wanda prepare for her anniversary.

"Any notable date you can remember? Special occasion?" She asked the redhead. "You know, to remind him of good times." She winked suggestively, briefly glancing at you with an expression that only you could decipher. She was enjoying flustering Wanda a little too much.

"Oh...I don't know." She trailed off, untrustworthy eyes darting around the room. "Do you two have any memorable date? Maybe I could steal some ideas."

Had the sitcom spell effected you, this would've been the ironic moment in which you spat out whatever drink was currently in your mouth. Fortunately though, you'd declined the offer of tea earlier, and opened your mouth to correct her.

Agatha beat you to it by nudging you with her elbow. "Oh don't we just?" She laughed deeply until you joined in with a forced chuckle.

Deciding to join in with her game, you hummed thoughtfully. "What about that picnic we had? In Salem, remember?" Judging by the way her eyes flashed dangerously, she knew you were referring to that dreadful night with the Coven, serving as revenge for the sudden change in relationship status. "Agnes decided the best time to go on a date would be at night- and in the middle of forest of all places!"

Agnes threw back her head in exaggerated laughter. "Oh hush! I thought it'd be romantic. Besides, you're the one who got us completely lost, dear." She continued, further adding depth to the altered anecdote. "And I'd say it went pretty well regardless." She turned to whisper conspiratorially to Wanda. "So I'll spare you the dirty details."

The three of you fell into easy laughter, only interrupted by the shrill ring of the telephone. "If you'll excuse me." Wanda stood up to answer. "That's probably Vis."

You took the distraction as respite from forcing such an overly hospitable smile, finding that your cheeks were already aching. For the last few minutes, you'd been aware of a pair of eyes watching you closely, and finally turned to face the witch sitting next to you.

"What?"

Agatha said nothing, her invasive eyes never leaving yours as she took a sip of her drink. You could practically see the gears turning in her head as she thought something through, and dreaded to wonder what she was about to say.

Reaching some form of a conclusion, she leant forward to place her drink down on the table. "Kiss me." She murmured through clenched teeth, momentarily glancing at Wanda, who's back was turned.

"Excuse me?" Out of all the possible things she could've said, this request seemed the least plausible in your mind.

"When Wanda turns round she should see us-" Agatha gestured her hand back and forth as if vocalising what she was implying was too sinful to put into words. Her vagueness was met by your blank stare. "Y'know?"

"No?" You shook your head, unable to comprehend why she'd ask such a thing, untrusting your interpretation of her suggestion.

"Just-" Agatha raised her hands to grasp your face. Hesitated. Then threw them back down into her lap and sighed in frustration. The fact she was struggling to initiate contact was laughable, though eventually you took pity on her.

Leaning forward, you kept your eyes open to watch for Agatha's reaction. You found it amusing that upon realising what you were trying to do, her eyes shut impossibly fast. Satisfied that she was consenting, you raised one hand to cup her cheek and continued to chase after her lips. The kiss was chaste and affectionately mundane, exactly at it should be.

In response, she grabbed your knees and pulled you closer, nipping at your bottom lip. Clearly Agatha wasn't on the same wavelength as you. Her hands shifted further up to your thighs, bringing a startling heat to the kiss. You gasped, virtually melting at her touch. You wanted this. One hand slid to rest on her shoulder. But it wasn't the time or place. You gently pushed against her.

Agatha pulled away, breathless. She scanned your face with pupils blown wide and mouth slightly agape like she'd just reached some new revelation. You were certain your expression mirrored hers.

Wanda cleared her throat somewhere in the distance.

"Gosh, Wanda I'm sorry." Agnes' cheerful voice reappeared as she addressed the redhead without breaking your intense shared eye contact. "But I think we ought to be heading home now." She said unabashedly. Like you hadn't just been caught making out on the neighbour's couch.

"Of course." You could hear the understanding smile in her voice, the slight awkwardness from intruding. "It's been lovely meeting you both."

Summoning an ounce of brainpower, you turned to Wanda. "And you. Feel free to keep the magazine." Then tugged Agatha up and began dragging her toward the front door. For once in her life she went willingly, allowing herself to be pulled along, calling out a last minute farewell to Wanda.

Upon reaching the end of the garden, Agatha wordlessly took the lead. Staying true to her fabricated story, she set a determined course for the house to the right, waltzing up as if she owned the place. A quick flourish of your fingers and the lock was rendered useless. Now the house was yours.

As soon as the door shut behind you, she turned on her heel and pushed you against it. Her mouth quickly sought out yours with a desperation only appropriate in private. Had you known Agatha was this good of a kisser, you would've done this ages ago, but elected not to vocalise the praise knowing she'd never let you live it down. You felt her smirk against your lips, and briefly wondered if she'd somehow infiltrated your mind. You wouldn't put it past her.

As she began trailing kisses down your neck, any concern about the invasion of privacy became inconsequential. You sighed. She rewarded the sound with a nip at your throat. Due to the haze of lust clouding your better judgment, you didn't register the sound of footsteps until it was too late.

"Woah!" A man called from the top of the staircase, presumably the current previous resident of the house. Agatha froze, her lips still pressed up to your neck.

"If you two beautiful ladies hadn't already broken into my house, I would've happily invited you in." The man grinned obnoxiously, slowly continuing down the stairs.

Agatha disinterestedly waved her hand, incapacitating him. The sound of the stranger tumbling down the stairs caused her to let out a short, cruel cackle, before returning to bury her face in the crook of your neck.

"Not big on roommates?" You joked, sliding a hand up and down her back soothingly.

She nipped at your flesh, a little harder this time. "Trust me, he doesn't want to be here for what I'm about to do to you."

Already impatient, you decided to tease her in hopes it would speed things up. "You're all talk and no action, Harkness."

She all but growled as she returned to your lips. Without warning her hands squeezed your hips. "I don't think you're in the position to be insulting me, love."

"Then prove me wrong, darling."

Lone fae (Yandere Malleus x reader)

To my favorite lonley dragon fae happy birthday!

Malleus had been told about a fae living in a town of humans for quite some time now. At first he had become angry seeing as he was King and someone would dare ally themselves with the enemy. He'd punish them himself. As if any traitor could stand against him and live was a mistake that'd cost them their lives. He told his advisor and guardian Lilia that'd he'd be back after dealing with said traitor.

Only to get to said town and notice a woman with pointy ears, beauty beyond belief, picking berries within the forest that surrounded the town. At first he kept his composure watching for a moment maybe a bit longer considering she acknowledged his presence.

"Ah, hello sir."

She didn't know who he was? That was surprising literally everyone whose anyone knew the Fae King and would tremble at the mention of his name. Yet this naive little fae knew nothing about who she spoke to. How cute.

'A fae in the village? How strange do they not know about our hatred towards humans?'

"Hello." He had his arms crossed and came out into the open.

She noticed the ears and instantly became curious.

"Our ears are similar." She murmured it under her breath, but Malleus still heard it. She noticed his horns too and realized that she must have been a bit different since she lacked them.

'So she hasn't met her own kind before?'

That was how their first encounter went. They chatted for a little while exchanging names as Malleus wanted to test if she knew him by that but got no reaction. Malleus watched her go back all the way to her house in secret of course. From high up in the air. As soon as he saw where she lived he went back home.

'This so called "traitor" would require a bit more inquiry.'

* * *

He decided to find out himself, her background by asking a different question to gain some information.

"Y/n do you have a family?"

"Hm? I have a little brother named Aiden at home but that's about it."

"What about your parents?"

"I can't recall when I was kid all I remember was waking up in an alley with Aiden crying in my arms. There was a- .... lot of blood about the place my dress that was once white had been stained. Anything before that isn't anything I probably want to remember considering that scene alone." She trembled for a second before continuing to pick herbs and berries from bushes. Malleus sided eyed her reaction feeling slight guilt towards it.

"I see, my apologies for bringing up troublesome memories." Malleus wasn't hard of hearing considering how she paused as if she didn't want to recall the gory scene. Yet still she smiled without much effort it was small but it did make him feel some what relieved.

"It's fine your the only person I've told. No one else talks to me in town and I'm not ready to tell Aiden yet with his innocence, I'd rather not taint. He's all I've got and I don't want to lose him."

* * *

He understood quite a bit now pertaining to their situation. He had to admit though, he had become fond of the female fae. Someone so innocent and docile couldn't be a traitor. Lilia saw that the situation was taking longer than expected and decided to accompany Malleus this go around.

He wanted to see for himself if Malleus was being fooled, though he doubted it. Not only that but for the sake of his own boredom in the castle and to satiate his own curiosity.

"Y/n this here, is a comrade of mine." Malleus stood next to his comrade, a short cheerful looking child with bright magenta stripes of hair under the black side. Two pointy ears stood on the side of his head too.

She was happy to say the least to know two new similar people to her at the very least. Today happened to be the day Malleus was going to meet Aiden. She didn't mind Lilia tagging along of course.

"Lilia Vanrouge, Ms. a pleasure." He looked rather young in her opinion but his voice signaled to not be fooled by his appearance. She shook hands with the male who brought a pleasant atmosphere with him.

* * *

"So your Malleus huh? My sister speaks very fondly of you sir. She's been talking about you for centuries!" The little boy exaggerated making Malleus's eyes widen and at first he felt an overwhelming amount of happiness with how he had made a good impression.

Both him and Lilia chuckled to themselves as the girl who had been in the same room blushed furiously from embarrassment. Taking her brother by the arm she glared at him.

"Aiden you know that isn't true, you asked where I had been and I answered." She strained her voice to try and put emphasis on her truth only to receive laughter from the boy.

Lilia came up to him patting his head with a smile.

"Fondly and centuries such large words for a child so young." Lilia had felt a slight connection to the energetic youngster. He thought it'd be fun to get to know him better.

"Sis is teaching me to read and write words from the dictionary! I'm very ingenious!" He was smug about the new words he was learning with a proud smile causing Lilia to laugh.

Malleus had a smile on his face small and affectionate but a few other thoughts came up to his mind upon thinking about the boys words. He looked toward his sister who was now in the kitchen making dinner.

"Aren't there schools about here he could go to?" His concern for the child was showing.

"There are but with his ears, I'd rather not take chances until his hair grows out, not to mention his abilities are still uncontrolled, and we're kinda barely keeping this house, so school isn't much of an option at the moment." She looked down chopping vegetables but was still focused. Until her brother spoke again.

"Look I can do magic!" He was so enthusiastic, but the dread look on his sister's face said it all.

"No! Don't you dare we can't hope to fix the ceiling!" She yelled but Lilia stopped her seeing as she yelled she covered her mouth in realization.

"Worry not my dear, let me see this young lad do magic. I'll make sure he doesn't damage anything." He was calm and collected which was shocked her but she let him do as he wished.

Aiden whose excitement had been on the rise at the thought of showing someone else raised his hand and emitted a large slew of green flames rising fast. Of course it actually shocked both Lilia and Malleus to see the color itself and how big the flames he conjured were.

Lilia had regained his composure for a split second and created some wind to dispell the flames before they could reach the ceiling and burn a hole. Malleus and Lilia looked at each other knowingly for a moment before Lilia showed a smile toward the young boy with his fangs gleaming in the light.

"I see the problem your letting out all of your mana at once young one, still your mind and channel the flow to ignite a single flame." He advised carefully with hand on Aiden's shoulder.

Malleus felt as if he was watching a younger version of himself seeing his guardian teach another. The young fae had followed Lilia's teachings to a tee and a small green flame became lit in front of him.

"Sister! Sister! Did you see I got it! I did it!" He was jumping up for joy at his achievement.

"Yes I see thank you Lilia. You thank him too Aiden." She was happy to say the least, it was as if good fortune was brought with them to have met these two.

"Thank you Lilia!"

"Your welcome dear child you can learn with me anytime. You have a lot of potential that shouldn't be wasted." That made his eyes light up in pure unadulterated excitement.

"Sister did you hear that!"

"I did." She was just relieved someone could teach him besides all her past failed attempts.

"So does that mean you can use magic too then?" Malleus had wandered closer to her without her knowledge it made her flinch. Seeing the anticipation of her answer in his eyes, she answered him.

"Yes though mine's is a bit more controlled. I can conjure wind and green flames. As well as levitate a multitude of things toward me at once but that's about it. I haven't had too much time to practice." She waved her hand with a slight glow and brought a couple of ingredients in cupboards down on to the counter letting them shut on their own again.

Holding put her hand she conjured a small green flame that wouldn't cause any damage over the palm of her hand.

"Seems like your well taught." Lilia mentioned.

"That's only because before we got this house we lived in the forest and magic made things a bit easier, but otherwise while we live here we don't have a use for it. Aiden still wants to learn but my teaching can only go so far as I don't know much on the subject." She looked somewhat frustrated at her own uselessness. Malleus could tell she wasn't lying about what she could do that's for sure.

* * *

After dinner both fae left the home walking out but saying goodbye to the siblings. At first they walked away from the house, but soon to prevent from being seen by any late night walkers they teleported to the castle.

"A pair of fae with royal blood is rare. I do wonder how the both of them ended up in that human village though." Lilia started off by saying.

Green flames were the insignia to regal blood for fae even Malleus knew that fact. Known to be the most powerful of all faes. Yet two were living in a human town right within the heart of the enemy and neither knew.

"Yes but from what I've been able to tell whoever had taken care of them is probably dead. Slaughtered by humans most likely. She said she wasn't able to remember anything before that. I'm assuming her and her brother come from some line thought to have been killed when the war against the humans started." Malleus recalled all he learned about her over the past few weeks he came to know her.

"Such a shame those two don't even know their own kind. Living their life in solitude as outcasts when they could be a lot more free if they lived here." Lilia did actually feel pity for the pair of souls having grown an attachment toward the younger sibling as he had taught Malleus when he was young as well. Those days were reminiscent for him. Aiden just happened to be similar to young Malleus in that regard.

"Malleus, if any humans discover royal fae over in that village they'll be killed. It's only a matter of when." He stated that matter of factly considering he was a general during the aforementioned war and many fae had been chased out of human villages. The ones left had been unfortunate to be victims that were sacrificed.

"I know, I won't let them lay a finger on either of them. Get Silver and Sebek have the staff prepare two rooms in the castle for our guests." Malleus walked away from Lilia without a second thought after saying what he wanted done.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Seems you've gotten attached to her in a different way. Ah, I'm so glad to see you chasing after someone, it feels like ages since you've been small so long ago. I'll have little Aiden to teach all the stuff I once taught you. What a joyous occasion to think someone will finally sit on the throne next to you." Lilia smiled feeling eager and chipper at the future ahead.

He went to go get the two knights that would always await orders from their master. Skipping down the halls all the while humming an unknown tune.

* * *

Something has been different with Malleus as of today. He was fiddling with his fingers a bit more often than usual. He didn't want to meet her gaze at the time either.

"Malleus is there something wrong?" Worry laced in her tone for the man sitting next to her.

"Yes." He replied rather swiftly but ended it there.

"Would you like to tell me what about?" She at least wanted to try and comfort him however she could.

That's what made her different than most fae, most feared him, she didn't of course she and that oblivious little head of hers didn't. Before she could even grasp how much power she could have held it was taken from her.

Malleus had turned his head and looked her directly in the eye.

"You."

"Me?" She was surprised and confused about what he meant by that, lowering her head for a second to think.

Of course it didn't last long, as Malleus directed her chin to gaze at him instead of the forest soil.

"Y/n, my alluring little darling, would you do me the honor of staying with me?"

He said with a gentle smile. The proximity and his words had her face red within seconds. She still had to give him a reply and sadly she didn't want to upset him but she didn't have much of a choice.

"I'm sorry Malleus I can't. This place is all I've ever known. Going somewhere else with all that could happen, ... It's not that I don't like you but my own fears are holding me back." She was trying to come up with the right words so he'd hopefully understand.

It stung, it truly did. The rejection wasn't something he hypothesized but it was still an option. It was fine though, all would be well. That sheltered mindset of hers would just have to broken a bit. She'd come to rely on him, she'd have no other choice afterall.

She hadn't experienced much of human cruelty, he'd just have to show her how cruel they could really be and then she would have to seek his aid.

* * *

Everyone in town today had been on edge it seemed. She left Aiden at home sound asleep, while she went out to go and buy veggies and meat she couldn't get in the forest. As she walked toward a thrifter many people side eyed her. She was the only person to walk with a hood on. In fact many people generations before this one too when asked had seen her.

As she got up to the vegetable thrifter the man in front of her had scowled. She saw this but just thought he was having a bad day. That's when someone came behind her and pulled her hood down abruptly.

"A fae! A fae in the village!"

"She's the one who cursed the crops! If we kill her the curse will end!"

"Someone grab her!"

Before she knew it she ran, someone did lay a hand on her but she pushed them away with wind magic. It wasn't on purpose, but fear overtook her person and magic required self control.

She wanted to run back to her house but with how fast the mob was chasing she couldn't put Aiden at risk like that. Maybe just maybe if she went back to the forest, he'd be there. He could help her, or Lilia either would do.

* * *

She didn't see him. Maybe her words struck a cord. She should have agreed. A stupid decision on her own part, he could've probably taken them somewhere where people like her were accepted. Where magic was used and no worries to be had.

She just narrowly dodged an arrow fired at her. It seemed the mob had caught up. Turning her attention back toward their screeches, what could she do?

In a last ditch effort attempt she called his name.

"Malleus!" The crowd closing in on her arrows knocked and aimed. So this was it huh?

Suddenly something slithers around her body, her waist to be more precise and holds her in a vice grip.

A tail? Of long reach with a purple scales of a dark pigment.

Before it pulled her into the darkness of the forest behind her. Until she felt a chest that placed her gently to the ground freeing her from the grip the of the tail that had once gripped her tightly.

She saw a light emitted from where she had once been, green flames took its place in her stead.

"I do hope you'll accept my offer to stay with me now, my love." Malleus's voice brought her out of her stupor, a frown seeing her in such fear. He didn't want to go so far but he would rather have liked her to willingly agree to living with him as his Queen. She wouldn't have any worries should she live her life on the throne worshipped by everyone.

"Wait! Wait! Please let me bring Aiden I can't leave my brother behind!" She had gripped his clothing turning around desperate tears spilling.

Speaking of said boy who popped his head from behind the fae that stood in front of her, smiled and ran to hug his sister.

"Y/n! Malleus let me up on his shoulders he was so tall! Wait why are you crying?" Her brother's happiness went away for a moment at the tears he saw from his older sibling.

She was shocked, since when had he been here. He was asleep before, she was sure. It didn't make any sense.

"Aiden how, ... why are you here?"

"Lilia offered to teach me more magic! He said it was dangerous to teach me inside the house so we came out here." For a second she thought it was a dream. A bad dream turned good.

"Were you worried? Sorry, I'll tell you next time I promise." Aiden hugged her after finishing his sentence trying comfort his sister from her state of fear. It worked a little having her shoulders relax.

Malleus had stroked her head to sooth her worries as well. A small smile graced his lips at the scene before him.

"Worry not my dear, I'll accept all parts of you. Of course I'd never forget your dear brother. Will you accept my proposal now?" He was awaiting an answer, the same look in his eyes akin to when he asked if she could use magic.

"Yes I do, it was my mistake for denying your offer in the first place. I'm sorry Malleus."

He was happy that the situation had caused her to regret her answer. Of course he didn't outwardly show it. But he was internally pleased. His new queen and energetic little brother would make a wonderful addition to the Draconian line.

As they disappeared instantly to where their new home would be, Malleus left behind some what one would call fireflies by the looks of it. They were just traces of his magic to other faes. It was a calling for someone else though.

The town the two faes once called home was being destroyed as soon as they left. Screams upon screams could be heard one after another. Flames of red and orange to destroy and have no one alive to recall the prescene of two royal clan faes.

All done by three, one wise fae, and two knights that served to do everything their master asked of them. It would all be gone while Malleus would help them settle into their new lives, the one they deserved from the beginning, if humans hadn't taken it from them.

Masterlist

TOH Season 2, 4 Theories (SPOILERS!)

So we're only 4 episodes in, and there's a LOT going on. I have 3 theories (and one that's more speculation) that I want to share (that have probably already been discussed before, but I haven't seen them, so here I go), and they're all beneath the cut! I wanna talk about King, Belos, and a third one that might surprise you, but I can't say just yet because ~dramatic buildup.~

MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING!

THEORY 1: King is a Titan

This has been a theory since Season 1, but it's reeeeally getting expanded upon here. It's hinted at that King might have a deeper backstory than he's been given, if those carvings and his memory gaps are anything to go off of.

However, we can find proof in his design and the design in that of the Boiling Isles themselves. They were birthed from an actual Titan, right? We see the Titan's still-beating heart in Belos' throne room. The Isles are his organs and ribcage. His skull sits in the water, eye sockets looking out over all.

Lookit it all. Gross. :)

Now look at his skull specifically. He's got those two horns on top of his head, looking to be a similar-to-exactly-the-same shape as King's, which is even more apparent since his other horn is fixed now.

(Side theory, King's collar is a glyph, look at the design. What does it do? idk, but I think it's gonna be Epic, and perhaps only he or another Titan can activate it. But I have no proof and just wanted to throw that one out there for consideration.)

Different noses, sure, but this Titan is also more mature. And bigger. That could change as King gets older.

If this theory is true, then that means Emperor Belos- who is rumored to be able to communicate WITH THE BOILING ISLES TITAN- is going to want King at some point. If he is able to RAISE A TITAN, that would strengthen the theory that he has this ~special connection~ with the Titan and put him in so much more power. King is easy to please, too, meaning that he might go along with it.

Leading me to:

THEORY 2: Belos is a human

Look at this series of quotes from Gwen Clawthorne from S2E4:

(Starting with when she says "You're not the only human to have lived in Bones Burrow," but image limit, so.)

[Image ID: four screenshots from The Owl House. The first is a picture of Gwen with the quote "there's a rare substance called Titan's blood." The next is Gwen in a different pose, with the quote "it is extremely powerful, and oftentimes causes leaks between our realms." The third is a picture if Luz, with her eyes wide with shock. Gwen is still speaking though, with the quote "but humans... are rare." The fourth is back to Gwen, with her hands up and the quote "my great-grandmother told me about a human who once lived here, but one day, he just vanished." End ID.]

"a human who once lived here, but one day, he just vanished."

Notice the use of he/him pronouns here. I was originally thinking it was whoever wrote the Azura books- and that is not off the table, really- but... the circumstances of him just vanishing are suspicious at best and earth-shattering at worst.

What if he never left?

We have never seen Belo's face. He was breathing hard when we first saw him, implying he's sick somehow, but was better after he Murdered a Man and poured goop in his eyes. He's never actually used magic before that we've seen. The only hint of power is that he's able to "talk with the Titan" and therefore that makes him better.

If he truly is a human, then that would be why he wears the mask. His ears would look like Luz's, not like a resident of the Boiling Isles. He has no magic. Or, if he does, he's channeling it in a way similar to Luz herself. He's been here for a LONG TIME, meaning he's becoming old and frail- or he should be, if it weren't for the Miracle Eye Healing Goop.

This would explain the portal Eda found out in the woods, and why Belos knows what it is. It was his portal. But, because Eda had it by the time he realized he wanted it back for whatever nefarious purposes he wanted that portal back for, he never got it.

But he's living literally right next to the Titan's still-beating heart. If Titan's blood is what allows for dimensional rifts, like Gwen says it can do, that means his throne is located directly in front of Luz's way home. He just needs a way to open the rift, which is where the portal comes in. The portal is there to channel the blood and create a rift on purpose, just like Eda's old portal could.

In fact, Luz probably has the "key" to opening that rift already. She just needs the blood and a vessel to complete the ritual.

Really think about it. Luz comes from our world, pretty much just as it is, and enters the Boiling Isles, where there is no discrimination on the same level of humanity. You can love freely, be freely, and crimes are judged on the action, not the person. Belos would have come from that same world, and saw how free it is here. If he wanted to take control and power, the only way he could ever do so would be to have the witches living here willingly give up their magic. He could not force them. So, he came up with the lie he can speak to the Titan.

Or, if it's not a lie, he used that power for evil instead of good. This leaves the implication that,

THEORY 3: Luz can ALSO talk to the Titan

This one is just speculation, but if Belos can do it, why not she? And if this IS a real ability Belos has, and he's been lying to everyone, Luz could be able to actually speak to the Titan and find out what it really wants. I imagine that it's probably not happy with Belos, but it can't just move or the entire Isles get destroyed. Or, he's physically unable to. Or perhaps, she can find out why the Titan wants magic restrained and find a different way.

If Belos is a human, then he and Luz contrast each other in that their journeys are the same. They both stumbled into this world by accident, they came from a world that wanted to stifle them, they entered a free world, and they wanted to stay.

The difference here is the power. While Belos reached for it, I predict Luz will be presented with a similar opportunity and throw it away. She becomes powerful in that she has her friends behind her, and that's all she needs. Her power comes from her determination and selflessness, whereas Belos' comes from his lies and selfishness.

Though, that story sounds familiar doesn't it? Which leads me to my final theory...

THEORY 4: The Good Witch Azura

I have 2 theories for this one, but they can both be grouped under one, so here we go.

Theory A) The Good Witch Azura was a REAL WITCH.

If these rifts can open because of Titan's blood, then there's a good chance that people like Eda had found the human world, too. And decided to stay for whatever reason.

Azura may have been writing an autobiography, or wanted to share to the human world about the Boiling Isles without directly saying it exists. Maybe she/they wanted to just get away from it, but missed the way it used to be, and expressed that through writing that happened to get popular.

Another mini theory that falls under this one is the idea that maybe someone tried to stand up to Belos early on, a sort of mirror to modern Eda. She/they saw how corrupt the system would become, and decided to flee or find help.

Theory B) Belos WROTE the Azura books

Now hear me out.

Going back to the 'Belos is a human' theory, that means he came from the human world, and for a time, he had a way of going back and forth between realms before he either lost or rejected his portal. Well, I don't know what his plans are, but if the fact that he's trying to get back to the human world are any indication, then I'd say he wants humans to know.

What if he's trying to spread his power and control? He has all the most powerful witches working under him, right? So it'd be easy to declare war on humanity. Just drop in without warning, cause havoc, and leave before they can retaliate. Then, do the same to a different location and leave before they can do anything. Do this again and again at random, and eventually, they surrender.

So why the Azura books? Well, I'm not entirely sure, but he's marketing books that are shockingly similar to how magic works in the Boiling Isles to humans, with messages about cheesy love and acceptance and working together. Humans eat that stuff right up. He may be testing the waters somehow.

I gotta be honest, I don't know why he'd write about those things, and the only episode I have to go off of is the writing/crunchtime episode from Season 1.

Oh, and this.

[Image ID: The same scene with Gwen that was shown before, but a continuation of the quote. Two screenshots this time, the first with the quote "Rumor has it he left something in the library, and- if you can find it-" then continued, "and if you can find out more about him..." End ID]

Luz: "Maybe I could find out how he got here!"

What if that something is the Azura books? What if there's a secret hidden within their pages, asking the humans to seek the witches out? Asking them to be entranced with this wondrous world, just as he was? What if he's asking them to come here?

"Knock knock, human."

Seasons 2 and 3 are gonna be wild.

Crows Headcanon: Wesper Headcanon (Wylan Van Eck and Jesper Fahey)

If you’d rather read this and more Crows headcanons on ao3 here’s the link.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Previous Chapter (Chapter 5)

Chapter 6 (the chapters aren’t related and do not continue the story, each can be read separately)

Wylan

It was inevitable. Their first fight. Of course, they'd fight at some point, living together. It began as everything does, small and barely noticeable. There would be tiny squabbles about clothes strewn about in the room, trinkets never returned to their places. Then it grew and grew, never-ending poisonous vines wrapping around them, strangling them. They spent every moment apart thinking of flaws with the other and every moment together pointing it out.

Just this morning Jesper grumbled about being too warm when Wylan woke up wrapped around him in the morning (even in sleep, his body knows what it really wants, too bad his mind isn't as smart right now). And Wylan knew, he <i>knew</i> that Jesper probably meant nothing by it. But his mind immediately began spewing venom into his heart. <i>You will only ever be a burden. He says he loves you, but he's already tired of you. How much longer do you think he'll stay here when he could have anyone?</i> But he's stubborn and strong and, he refused to show his heart because what else is that but an invitation to stab? So he pulled away and said, "Fine, then. If it's such an inconvenience then I won't touch you at all." And he walked out of the room, tears stinging in his eyes.

Jesper

I know I messed up. I've been messing up constantly. All of this is so new to me. I didn't know it would be this difficult to stay with someone. I've shared so many beds but I've never before shared a room. I didn't realise that it would bother someone else that my clothes aren't always in the cupboard. At first, it frustrated me that he would find faults with me all the time. It reinforced those voices in my brain that told me that I'd never be enough. So I took out those frustrations the way I always have, in cards and drinks and coins.

For a while, it was fine. I thought I'd fixed it somehow. Then, he started noticing more money missing. And he was so so angry. What else did I expect from a bomb-maker, if not an explosive temper? I knew that it wasn't working. I knew it was wrong. I knew that it wasn't truly helping me at all. But it scared me, terrified me that he'd already noticed all the worst things about me, and had to be stuck with that all the time. I realised then that this wasn't going to last much longer. So I gave up. I stopped trying to fix anything between us and just continued to feed the fire. If this is going to end anyway, what was even the point? What would be the point of telling me to please stay, please let me stay? How could I even convince him? He'd seen the worst things, the darkness behind my flirtatious smiles. He's let me stay for months now, and he hates it. He hates <i>me</i>, here. What could I ever do about that?

Even this morning, I complained about being too warm when he'd wrapped his body around me. I'd just gotten up, and for a single moment, I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten that we'd gone from being lovers, loved, loving, to...fighting. I'd forgotten that every word would be taken as a bullet. He'd flinched away from me (it made my heart <i>hurt</i>) and snarled, "Fine, then. If it's such an inconvenience then I won't touch you at all." And he'd stormed out of the room.

I raised a hand automatically, about to stop him. But what could I say? I'd only ever been good at destroying things, not fixing them. So I dropped my hand and laid back on the bed, eyes closed to keep the tears in, not succeeding in the least.

Wylan

It got so bad that even Inej and Kaz began to notice. They'd visit from time to time, either for his help or Jesper's. And naturally, they felt the crackling tension in the air. They never said anything about it, but he could see them exchanging glances, communicating in that way that only they could. It reminded him of the way he and Jesper used to communicate. The gentle brushing of their hands, stray touches on the elbow or shoulder, and he had to stop and take a deep breath to clear the constriction in his lungs.

They were both so tired of fighting all the time that even that had stopped. He never thought he'd miss fighting, but he did. At least then, Jesper was paying attention to him, even if he was smirking thoughtlessly. But now, nothing. They simply avoided each other around the house. He'd enter the kitchen, and Jesper would walk out. Jesper would enter our bedroom, and he'd leave. Even at night, Jesper would stay out so late that they never went to bed together. They did still sleep in the same room, the same bed. They still had that, but he didn't know how much longer even that'd last. So when he inevitably woke up first every morning, he'd stare and stare and stare. He'd caress every inch of Jesper's brown skin that he could see, just with his eyes, hand itching to touch.

He made sure never to get close to him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to let him go. He'd latch onto him and hold on forever.

Jesper

The silence was so loud it was deafening. It made his hair stand on end. He hated this silence, but he also didn't know how to break it. It'd grown so huge, a looming monster growing between them, and he knew no way of vanquishing it. So he let it be. He let Wylan avoid his touch like he had something contagious, and he let him keep as much distance as he wanted, even as his heart shrivelled every time it happened.

The only way he now knew to protect his heart was to stay out of the house. He didn't think that he'd ever need to protect his heart from Wylan. He couldn't believe that this is what it'd come to.

He came home every night, skin chill from the wind outside, aching to sink into Wylan's warmth and knowing he wasn't allowed. So he stared and stared and stared and drank whatever warmth he could from those bright curls and freckled skin. And in his dreams, the only thing he saw, over and over again, were those azure eyes gazing at him like they once did, in love.

Kaz

He'd had enough. What now that they didn't have any problems those idiots decided to make some of their own? He would not let this stand, not a chance.

Inej

She knew that gleam in his eyes. He had a plan, and since it was Kaz's, it was expected that it'd be devious. But, she knew for once that it was with the best of intentions. So she listened attentively when he told her and smiled a tiny proud smile when he was done.

Wylan

It was an overcast evening, and he shivered as he made himself a cup of hot chocolate. Jesper was out, of course, doing whatever he did every day. He didn't know. How could he if they didn't talk anymore? So he took out his flute and tried to practice, tried to ignore his trembling hands. Suddenly there was a loud banging on the door. He dropped the flute and ran for it, only taking a second to check who it was. Inej.

He yanked open the door. She wouldn't bang it like that if there wasn't an emergency. She looked worried, eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide.

What's happened?" he asked.

"Jesper...he's missing," she said, suddenly wilting. His heart stopped.

"What?" he whispered, his voice breaking.

"Kaz needed him for a job, so I went to get him. I checked all his usual joints, and he wasn't there anywhere," she looked pitying now. She'd definitely noticed the way his skin grew paler. If even the Wraith couldn't find him, where could he be? What-what could've happened to him?

"But," she said and he perked up immediately, "we think we know who could've taken him."

It takes them half an hour to make a plan to rescue him, hoping desperately that they were going to the right place. Inej instructs him on which bombs they need, and they set off.

Jesper

It can't be true. It could not be true. Not again. Kaz just told him that one of his rivals had kidnapped Wylan. They were now waiting for him to come to them and demand the ransom. How could this have happened? Why Wylan? He hoped with all his heart that they were at least treating him well, knowing that that wasn't very likely. As they sat there, a fire burned in his belly. He felt hatred rise like a storm inside him. He would not be merciful with whoever had kidnapped Wylan.

He didn't understand how Kaz could just sit there, relaxed as though nothing had happened. No, he knew that maintaining a veneer of calmness would make it easier to negotiate with the kidnapper. But he still couldn't stop his fists from clenching and his jaw from tensing. He tried to breathe deeply, telling himself that the kidnapper wouldn't kill Wylan because that would get him nothing. Wylan would be okay. He had to be. He couldn't die. He couldn't die, with Jesper not able to recollect the last time he touched him, the last word he told him.

So they waited. Jesper grew more and more jittery, legs shaking and fingers tapping and fidgeting. Kaz somehow grew calmer and calmer, cane resting gently on his lap, utterly in his element, ready to do his part.

When the outer door slammed open, Jesper stood up abruptly, and Kaz gripped his cane tighter. The door opened and in came charging...

Wylan

Finally, they got through the gate, and the soldiers posted outside and entered an empty room. He didn't waste a second. The moment he noticed the other door in the room, he rushed at it, pushing it open. And there he was. He ran to Jesper and hugged him, holding on so so tightly. He was so relieved to find him that he didn't even wonder why Jesper wasn't tied up and gagged.

"You're okay, you're okay," he chanted, under his breath, still unwilling to let go of his sharpshooter. Jesper held him in return, nestling his head in Wylan's curls, speechless for once. After a few minutes, or seconds, or hours, or an eternity, he pulled back a little to see Jesper wide-eyed, looking at him like he was a ghost.

"I'm sorry," they both blurted out at once, and they laughed and sobbed at that.

"No, no, I should be the one to apologise. I'm so sorry for being such a mess. The clothes and my other things and the gambling. Oh, I knew I needed to stop, and I couldn't and then- and then-" Jesper babbled.

"No! Don't be sorry. I'll help you, we'll do it together. Okay? I'm sorry too. It was all so perfect, and it scared me. I was so scared that you'd leave that I nearly drove you to leave myself," he said, staring right into Jesper's eyes so he'd understand.

"Okay. But just so you know, I never would've left," Jesper tells him, looking back just as intensely.

"Okay. That's good," Wylan says, chuckling, suddenly embarrassed.

Jesper tilts his chin back up and gazing into his eyes the whole time, kisses him. Wylan responds ravenously, and well...it all works out. They remind the other that they love them, that they always have and always will. And when they realise what Kaz and Inej tricked them into, Wylan is outraged, and Jesper just laughs and laughs and laughs (Wylan then kisses him, hearing the laughs echo in his heart).

Next chapter (Chapter 7)

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No More Divisions - Chapter Three: The Jacuzzi

JJ x Original Character

I'd like to give a small shoutout to @fangirling-allday for giving me such a sweet comment. You have inspired me to write another chapter so this one is dedicated to you! <3

MASTERLIST

~

If I could only describe Sarah's younger sister, Wheezie, in one word it'd be difficult. I've met her a total of two times and both times she's been difficult. She always has to put her two cents into every conversation and she asks so many questions.

Trust me, I love curious people but Wheezie isn't just curious, she's nosy. She's basically the stereotypical annoying younger sister.

With that being said, she no longer was difficult to me anymore. She was our hero. The cup with the string attached to it ended up being a makeshift phone where Wheezie could hear us from her room.

At first, Sarah was going to try and explain to Wheezie the truth but it was clear that within the first few minutes of talking to her, Rafe had gotten to her first and poisoned her mind.

So, since telling the truth didn't work, we decided to lure her into Sarah's room. Our plan was to get Sarah to fake cry hard enough to get Wheezie to unlock the door to come comfort her sister. When she opened the door, we'd then explain to her that we needed her to pretend to be us in the room as we slipped out the front door.

This plan was foolproof.

That is, until Wheezie asked a question we hadn't even thought she'd ask.

"If John B. didn't do it, who did?"

Sarah and I looked at each other as this child stood in front of us, begging to know the truth. We didn't know what to say. How do you tell a child that their brother was a murderer? Sarah shook her head at me. It wasn't the time nor place. Wheezie would find out eventually but not right now.

"We have to do something first," I say, crouching down to meet her gaze. "But you need to promise us that you'll be here for as long as you can."

Wheezie nodded, furrowing her brows together. I could tell she still didn't understand what was going on but she wanted to help out as best she could.

"Can you do that for us?" Sarah asked, her pinkie out towards her sister.

Wheezie nodded again, this time holding onto Sarah's pinkie finger with her own.

We tucked Wheezie into Sarah's bed and created another "person" under the sheets with a pillow and blacket so it would seem as if Sarah and I took a nap. After we said our goodbyes, we turned off the lights and quietly made our way downstairs.

I was barely breathing as we crept down the stairs, hoping not to cause a commotion even by breathing heavily. Once we successfully made it down the stairs, Sarah led me to the sliding windows in the back on the house. As Sarah quietly opened them, I was the lookout. I could hear the faint distance of talking with the tv drowning out what the actual words between the two people were. I could tell Ward and Rafe were bickering but I couldn't make out what they were saying, only that Ward was mad.

Sarah nudged me softly, getting my attention as she pointed to the open sliding doors. We quickly made our way out of the house before quietly closing the doors again.

After the doors were fully closed, we took off running. Sarah's bike was at the front of her house and now that it was darker, we were sure that Ward or Rafe couldn't see us from outside.

Once we found Sarah's bike, Sarah told me to sit on the handlebars as she rode out of the neighbourhood. She said she had a suspicion where John B. was and wanted to see if she was right. Once we made it out of the neighbourhood, we were swarmed with flashlights and dozens of people looking for John B. Apparently there was a $25,000 reward for whoever caught him and everyone in OBX was making it their mission to find him. People young and old, even children, perused the streets calling out for John B. as if there was any way in hell he'd answer back.

As we rode, we stopped to ask people where they were going. Some were going to the ferry, others were going to the docks where they knew many Pogues hung out but what we found was that no one was going to the Bell Tower, where Sarah believed John B. was. Although I wanted to go with her and make sure she was safe, I knew I couldn't go.

"I can't go with you." I say to Sarah as she peddles forward.

"What?" Sarah asks, holding onto her breaks as her bike comes to a stop.

"I have to go to JJ's house and help them. I'm sure they are doing something for John B. there. They need my help more than you do." I say, getting off the handle bars and crossing my arms over my stomach this time.

Since my clothes were stained with blood, Sarah lent me her clothes. Everything she had was cropped which wasn't usually my style but it was the only option. I had changed into a purple tube top with black ripped jean shorts and although Sarah said I looked awesome, this cropped top made me super self conscious.

"Okay. I'll give you JJ's address and you help him and Kiara and Pope. I'll find John B. We'll meet at the JJ's father's dock at 3pm tomorrow. Okay?" Sarah smiles at me, grabbing my arm for a moment to reassure me. She tells me JJ's address and I repeat it back to her to remember it.

I nod to her as a way of saying bye. "Okay. See you tomorrow. Stay safe until then."

We both smile at eachother and then briefly hug. It's weird that even in a time like this, where our lives are literally in shambles, we still have the time to smile and hug eachother.

"Love you Callie." Sarah whispers to me as we hug.

I pull away from her. "Love you Sarah."

And with that, Sarah is off again. She peddles away from me, not looking back once. I stay completely still until I can't see her anymore. Until she's into the woods so much so that she becomes a dark little speck.

Once Sarah's completely gone, I take off running like a madman. I run on the pavement, my sneakers slamming down on the sidewalk the faster I run. I run down one street and turn and then turn again. I continue to run until I don't recognize the houses as Kook houses but Pogue houses. I run until I get to JJ's street and I count the number of houses I pass until I come upon JJ's.

JJ's house is more like a shack than a home. A home is where you feel safe and cozy. I don't think I'd ever feel safe here. The screen on one of the sides of the house is ripped. It looks like somebody ran through it and I wouldn't be surprised if someone did. JJ had a reputation after all. He got into fights, stole, and hated Kooks. He hated them so much that he'd start fights with them for no reason. This made me question why he was so nice to me. I understood why he was nice to Sarah, but why me? If I was a Kook and he hated Kooks, why was he nice to me?

I decide that since it's so late, not to ring on the doorbell but instead make my way to the backyard and see if anyone's there. Once I get closer to the backyard, I hear people talking and I hear a distinct voice. I recognize it as Kiara's.

"Pope make sure you get two gallons of gas. Not one. He'll need two if he's ever gonna cross the border."

I try to make my way quietly over to them but a stick breaks under the pressure of my foot and it makes a loud noise.

"Who's there?!" JJ yells from his place on the jacuzzi.

Wait. A jacuzzi? Why does his house look like a shack, but he has a jacuzzi.

It was dark when I first arrived but someone turned on the lights and I soon see all three of John B.'s friends much more clearly. Pope is sitting on the floor beside Kiara who is sitting on a chair in front of JJ, who is sitting on the ledge of the jacuzzi. They all look very happy to be with one another, even though something bad is happening to their friend. I guess that's what happens when your only family is your friends; you're always glad to see them.

"It's me, Callie." I say, loud enough for them to hear. I'm only 10 feet away from them now and I can see all of them turn around in shock this time. JJ is literally so shocked to see me he stands up to greet me.

"C-callie." JJ stutters.

"Where's Sarah?" Kiara asks, walking up to me and giving me a hug. I return it with open arms.

Kiara was always so nice to me even if Sarah and her didn't get along.

Sarah always told me not to talk to Sarah but Kiara and I shared the same biology class and our interest in the environment allowed for us to bond. We were never close and rarely spoke outside of school but she was a sweet girl and I'm so glad Sarah and Kiara are friends again. Maybe after all of this is over, we can finally hang out. If all of this ever is over.

"She's looking for John B. She says she knows where he is." I reply as Kiara pulls away from me and I get a chance to greet everyone.

I hug Pope briefly. He was always nice to me whenever he saw me with his father and I think we've talked about four times. Each time he was sweet and very pleasant so I'm glad he's here to help. I can tell he's very on edge about the whole situation and I'm not surprised if I look as nervous as him.

Then there's JJ. I make my way to him and give him an awkward hug. He pats my back and then we quickly move away from each other. I've never talked to him before and I've never heard good things. Yet, all of those bad things were from Rafe and he's not exactly a model citizen. I decide to see how he is now and make my own decisions about his personality.

There's a small amount of silence that passes through us and Pope breaks it by talking. "Did you actually see Rafe kill the Sheriff?"

I nod. Kiara, JJ, and Pope all look at eachother in disbelief. They knew Rafe was crazy but never like this. I don't think anyone could think Rafe could do this, no matter how cruel he was.

I want to change the subject so badly that I end up asking, "What were you guys just doing?" I glance at the notebook on Kiara's chair.

It has all their names on it with different things to do. Pope is supposed to get two gallons of gas, Kiara is suppose to get food from her parents restaurant and JJ is supposed to get his dad's keys. This is definitely a list of things for them to do but I don't know what for.

"We're getting a boat for John B. with food and gas so he can get away." Pope answers me.

I look to Kiara who is not meeting my gaze. "I thought we were gonna clear his name."

I hear JJ scoff from behind me. "Yeah, we tried that. These officers have tunnel vision. John B. has to leave, at least until we can clear his name."

I turn and look to JJ. I could tell he's been observing me since I came. I know he doesn't trust me like Kiara and Pope do. I dont know why but my gut tells me it's because I'm a Kook and he hasn't had the best experiences with Kooks.

"How can I help?" I ask, turning to face everyone. They've all gathered around me now and I'm ready to hear what they have to say.

"JJ is gonna give me a hand with getting all of John B.'s food. You can help. We need some extra hands." Kiara says, grabbing her notebook and writing it down.

I nod. "Okay."

"Well," JJ sighs, looking to Kiara. "I hope you know what you're doing."

Kiara rolls her eyes at JJ and then looks to me. "I do."

~

After each plan is made down to the last detail, I finally feel a little at peace. The final plan is that Pope is gonna take two gallons of gas from his dad's shop and try not to get caught (I hope that Mr. Heyward is not too pissed off). JJ, Kiara and I will get food from her dad's restaurant for John B. for at least two weeks. And JJ will steal the keys to his father's old racing boat. We will all meet at the garage where the boat is at the bring it back to JJ father's dock for 3pm tomorrow.

After everything is written and memorized, we all lay blankets down on the floor and decide to sleep. I take the edge and Kiara takes the other. Pope takes a spot beside Kiara while I get stuck with JJ. I'm not facing him when he lays down so I can't tell if he's disappointed or not but I can imagine he's not exactly thrilled to sleep beside me.

"Night." Kiara yawns before turning over. Pope does the same and before I can reply, I hear their soft snores.

JJ says nothing to me and I actually like it that way. I'm beyond exhausted and I don't want to have to deal with him if he's just gonna be cruel. He hasn't be outright mean to me but he hasnt exactly been hospitable while I've been here so I'm a little scared to talk to him alone.

Five minutes later, I'm asleep and dreaming. Except dreaming is supposed to be fun but this is a complete nightmare.

I see the sheriff on the floor like how I did this morning and I try to rush towards her. I'm calling out to her and running as fast as my feet will take me but she's just getting father and farther away. I am forced to watch her bleed out but I'm not getting any closer. I look down at my feet and see that my feet are stuck in cement and I can't move them. I'm yelling to the Sheriff but she can't hear me. I'm drenched in blood and I see Rafe. He's looking right at me. I call to him and he laughs and lifts his right hand to point a gun at me.

Before I can scream, I wake up. It's almost dawn now and the space where JJ was sleeping is empty. I sit up and look around.

Kiara and Pope are still sleeping. They look so cute cuddled up together. I look around more, trying to find JJ. I finally find him in the jacuzzi.

The water is up to his chest but the jacuzzi is not on. He's just sitting in a jacuzzi that's not on which has to be one of the most depressing things I've ever seen. My heart aches for him. There is something up and I want to make him feel better.

I stand up and walk towards the jacuzzi and where JJ is sitting. He's playing with the water and moving it with his hands. I don't think he realizes he's even doing it. Once I get to the jacuzzi, I rest my elbow on the ledge and JJ finally sees me.

"What are you doing up?" He asks, a little surprised to see me.

"I should ask you the same thing." I smirk, letting one of my hands touch the water. It's hot. He must've just got in.

"I can't sleep." He says. He seems detached and cold, as if he doesn't want to talk about something.

"Bad dream?" I ask. I don't mean to pry but sometimes I can't help it. Especially when someone is feeling sad. I want to help.

JJ nods. He quickly looks up to me but then quickly looks back to the water.

"Same actually." I sigh, my hand now also absentmindedly playing with the water.

"About the Sheriff?" JJ asks, actually holding eye contact with me this time.

I nod. "How did you know?"

"You were yelling her name." JJ answered, closing his eyes for a second to take a deep breath. "This jacuzzi actually helps me with my anxiety alot. Especially with nightmares."

"Really?" I ask, a little skeptical on why he's brought this up.

"Yep." JJ nods, finally moving closer to me. "Would you like to come in?"

I don't know whether I should or not. On one hand, I barely know this guy and he's already indirectly asked to to strip and get into a jacuzzi with him. On the other hand, I bet that hot water would feel amazing on my skin and very relaxing. Even though my better judgement tells me no, I go against in. I might get arrested for aiding and abetting tomorrow so what the hell.

"Okay, but close your eyes until I get in." I narrow my eyes at him, being a little sarcastic but at the same time I'm completely serious.

JJ rolls his eyes. "Please, don't flatter yourself Kook."

I frown. "Just do it."

JJ nods and closes his eyes and then covers his closed eyes with his hands. Once I know he's not peeking, I take off my sneakers and unbuckle my jeans. I lift my tube top over my head and lay it neatly beside all if my other clothes. Now I'm in my black underwear and pink strapless bra. I curse Sarah in my brain. If I knew a boy was gonna see my bra and underwear today, I would've told her to make them match.

I slowly get into the water as JJ sits across from me, hands still over his eyes. It's really warm and my skin starts having goosebumps the more I emerge myself in the water. Once the water gets to my shoulder, I shudder a little. This water feels amazing on my muscles. I've been running around and fighting all day yesterday that I completely forgot what it did to my body. Now, I realize how achy I really am.

"Okay." I say, my hands absentmindedly playing with the water between my fingers.

JJ finally uncovers his eyes and opens them. When he does, there's a smirk on his face. And it's directed towards me which is super surprising.

"Feels nice, right?"

I nod and continue to play with the water. "What's this beauty's name?"

JJ smirks. "Finally someone who appreciates the finer things in life."

I laugh. "I'm thinking Cherry." Cherry was a Kook JJ had slept with last year and I had only heard about it because she had slept outside his house overnight to prove her devotion to him. It was just about the funniest thing ever. Sad to say it didn't work out between them.

JJ rolls his eyes. "Although that is a very good guess, it's actually called cat's ass."

I snorted. "You weirdo."

JJ rolls his eyes. "I think it's weirder you remember Cherry. You obsessed with me or something Callie?"

This time I roll my eyes. "Cherry was the funniest story ever. The day I start to like you JJ is the day of my demise."

"Well, I think this is the start of your demise then."

I don't say anything but I kinda know JJ's correct. Before long there's a silence between us. It's not like last time. This time, it's a comfortable silence. Like we're both just relaxing together and not worrying about John B. or Sarah or the Royal Merchant.

"What was your dream about?" I ask, my eyes closed now. I could fall asleep like this if JJ wasn't here.

When JJ doesn't answer me, I try not to take it personally. Only when I hear the water moving a little too loudly, I open my eyes. JJ is moving towards me and now I'm super aware that I'm basically naked. In an attempt for him not to see my bra, I cross my arms over my chest.

When he finally sits beside me, he speaks, "You don't wanna know."

I scoff. "Oh yeah, sorry my little privileged ass could never handle your mind." My tone is dripping with sarcasm and JJ is smiling as I speak.

"Yeah basically." JJ confirms, only making me more pissed off.

"I know that my demons could never compare to yours, but I have them too." I roll my eyes at him and look to the water, away from his gaze.

"What demons? You're a Kook." I could feel his smirk as he said this.

I look back to him. "Being a Kook doesn't protect you from the bad shit in life. Hasn't what's happened yesterday proved that?"

JJ doesn't answer me. For a moment, he's just taking in what I've said. I don't think anyone's ever done that. I don't think anyone's ever just thought about what I said so deeply as JJ is now.

Finally, he speaks. "Are you still with Rafe?"

I scan JJ's face for a moment before answering. Does he wanna know because he thinks I'm gonna betray them or because he wants to know if I'm taken. I can't tell but either way I'm gonna answer him.

"No, we broke up weeks ago." When I answer, I make sure to see JJ's reaction but he gives me no reaction. This guy is really good at hiding his emotions.

"Cool." I want to ask him what he's thinking but I can't.

I want to look away from him but I can't. JJ is acting so differently from when I first met him that I can't help but start to like him. He's already changed his views on me by talking to me. I know he'll never like or trust me 100%, but to know he respects me enough helps.

There's been a long silence between us and I want it to end.

"So," I say, wanting this awkwardness to stop. "What was your dream about?"

JJ takes a deep breath and looks away from me. We must've been staring in each other's eyes for 10 minutes. It feels like that anyways.

He doesn't answer me again, just stands up from the jacuzzi and hops out. He grabs a towel that was hanging from a wire and dries off his swimming trunks before hanging it back up on the wire. Then I see it. There's purple spots all over his torso. He looks like he just got into a fight and he wasn't the winner. I look for defensive wounds but there's none I can see. Taking a beating and not defending yourself does not seem like something JJ would do. I realize that maybe he didn't fight back because he cared for the person beating him.

As he puts on his shirt, I speak up. "Did your dad do that?" I'm still in the water and I feel a little colder now that JJ is no longer inside.

He looks up at me once he has his shirt on. "We all have different demons Callie. Some are just worse than others."

And with that, he's walking back to where Kiara and Pope are sleeping. And I'm stuck here, in a jacuzzi I don't even want to be in anymore. It's not the same without JJ.

Can you by chance write a fic on where Tohru experiences jealousy when someone is flirting Kyo? I think it'd be interesting for tohru to feel that emotion 1st hand and not knowing how to deal with it and feeling guilty about it. I've seen so many fic where Kyo gets jealous, but very few where it's Tohru. You don't have to if you don't want to, I just thought I'd ask

I like that idea! I came up with this so I hope you enjoy!

———————

She was hit with a heaping sense of nostalgia when they got to Shigure’s house. She hadn’t seen the place in about a year, and along with it, so many memories came to her. She’d never seen it like this though, with all of their old classmates there.

It was a reunion party for her class, and she had been looking forward to it. Yuki had organized the event with Shigure on his property, even though he couldn’t be there because of college exams. She was just happy to have a chance to see the house again, although the party was deeper into the woods. She only saw it at a distance.

Additionally, she was happy to have an excuse to see Arisa and Saki. They lived so far from each other that it was difficult to meet up. She had missed them so much.

They greeted her with hugs when they saw her while Kyo stood beside her awkwardly, only nodding his head toward them as a form of greeting.

“It’s been too long. You gotta fill us in on everything!” Arisa said, holding both of Tohru’s hands in her own. Her thumb ran over the ring on Tohru’s finger. It was small but beautiful just like her. “I still can’t believe it.”

“Me neither, honestly,” Tohru said with a bashful smile. She wrapped her arms around Kyo’s lean bicep and leaned against him. The tension left him as soon as she did so. “I guess the next time I see you guys will be for the wedding.”

“No way! We’ll visit you sooner to help pick out the dress. There’s no way we’re missing that,” Arisa said sternly.

“That’s right. Her dress must meet our approval,” Saki added.

“Ah, if you guys can help me, then please!” Tohru replied, excited for that day to come.

Arisa nodded. “But in the meantime, Carrots has to help you with the rest of the wedding planning since we won’t be there to do it. Although, it’s hard to picture him contributing to such an event with a lack of masculinity.”

Kyo clenched his jaw. “It’s not like I’m going to let her go through all that work alone. Of course I’m going to help her, stupid Yankee.”

“Excuse me,” Arisa muttered, her almost non existent brows drawn together. “I can still whoop your ass if I wanted to.”

Tohru giggled nervously. It was great to think that nothing changed between all of them, even though she wasn’t all for such violent threats.

“Hold up!” said a boy that she recognized as Hiroshi. “Did I hear wedding?”

“Yes,” Tohru answered, a blush tainting her cheeks. “We’re engaged.” Her arms left Kyo’s arm and she held his hand. He looked down at her, blushing as well, but the softest smile was on his face.

“No way!” Yusuke said, now joining their circle. “I knew you guys were close so I should have expected this but...I guess it’s just hard to imagine Kyon-Kyon getting married.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Kyo growled, releasing her hand and clenching it in a fist.

“Just teasing...” Yusuke laughed. “You still get worked up so easily.”

“I do not!” Kyo snapped. But to Tohru, he was being contradictory. She didn’t mind. She found him adorable even when he would get irritated. Not that she wanted him to...

“Whatever,” Kyo mumbled. “I’m getting a drink. You want one?” He asked Tohru.

She nodded, giving his clenched fist a squeeze. “Iced tea, please.”

He smiled briefly, kissing the top of her head before he left to the food and drink table. His kiss was tense, and she knew it was because he was timid when it came to being affectionate in front of others, but she appreciated the effort of the gesture anyway. Overtime, the PDA had gotten easier for them.

“Let’s go mingle. You should join us, Tohru,” Saki suggested.

That sounded appealing to her. She was sure Kyo would catch up to them. She followed alongside the girls, stopping when they reunited with a group of their old classmates, and she greeted all of them.

She saw Kyo out of the corner of her eye getting their drinks, but he wasn’t alone. Three girls flocked to him, and she recognized them. They’d never taken fondly to her, particularly because Kyo always liked her and ended up choosing to be with her. She recalled the scrutiny she got from them soon after they started dating. She knew it was out of jealousy, and it’s not like she didn’t expect it to happen. Kyo was handsome...more than that, he was beautiful. And though most of the girls at their school had their eyes on Yuki, she couldn’t help but notice how a few of them also acknowledged Kyo.

She wasn’t surprised that was still the case. He’d gotten prettier in the past year, bulking up quite a bit due to all the martial arts classes he’d been teaching at Kazuma’s dojo. She wouldn’t have been concerned about girls taking notice of him. She would never want to control who he sees or talks to. It wasn’t like her. However, it was the way the girls acted around him that made her feel uneasy.

One of them put her hand on his forearm, the touch soft enough to not count as evasive. For a moment, Kyo just froze, paying attention to the girl who was chatting with him, until he slowly drew his arm away from her and seemed to pretend like it never happened.

Tohru sighed to herself. At least he didn’t seem to cave to her advances. Not that she would think he would. She knew he was loyal to her, he promised he would be since the day he proposed to her. She was grateful for that.

Still, the nausea she felt seeing such beautiful girls dote on him didn’t fade. It was similar to how she felt when she thought her dad was stealing her mom away from her. Maybe not as severe, but it wasn’t a good feeling nonetheless.

She felt the need to intervene, even though she wanted to give him space and room to talk to whoever he wanted to on his own. She didn’t want to be that type of girlfriend...or fiancé.

She sucked in a breath and went to him, instantly intertwining her fingers through his. “H-hi,” she said to the girls timidly.

They examined her, or rather leered at her. She felt completely vulnerable.

“Oh, hey, Tohru. How have you been?” One of them asked. Although, it didn’t sound like they cared.

“I’ve been well. Especially since I’ve had Kyo-kun beside me. It’s been nice.” She felt the need to mention that last part. But it really just slipped out.

“Yeah it’s been...really great,” Kyo added, looking down at Tohru and finally smiled.

Moments of silence followed, and she couldn’t ignore how awkward it had gotten. The girls clearly still had crushes on him, so Tohru was the bad guy. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“Anyway...we’re going to walk around. It was nice seeing you again, Kyo-kun,” one of them cooed, leaving with the other girls.

Tohru felt the tension leave her. But her feelings still confused her. Was that really jealousy?

“You seemed really tense there,” Kyo mentioned.

She straightened, cringing. “Was I? I didn’t mean to.”

Kyo handed her the iced tea that had been sitting on the table scattered with all kinds of appetizers. “I felt you squeezing my hand. Are you okay?”

She slowly sipped her drink. “Yes. I’m fine. I’m just nervous to see everyone. It’s been a long time.”

“If you’re nervous, then I’m terrified,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

She giggled. She loved her shy kitty. She moved her toes up and kissed him, momentarily forgetting that they weren’t alone. But once she remembered, she didn’t mind that. In fact, she hoped the girls were noticing them, and she couldn’t figure out why.

It wasn’t until later, after they got off the subway and were walking the remainder of the trip home, that she still felt unsettled. No matter how hard she tried to conceal it, Kyo would look at her with perplexity.

“Something’s up. And don’t lie to me,” he stated.

She frowned. “I don’t want to bother you with this but...I can’t get it off my mind.”

“Spill it.” He walked closer to her, his elbow bumping hers. “You can tell me.”

And she did because she felt like she could tell him anything and it wouldn’t sway what he thought of her. He’d proven that so many times. “When I saw how those girls acted around you, it made me...uncomfortable.”

His walking slowed as they reached the door to their tiny home that resembled a cottage. He didn’t open the door, but just stood there without facing her. “So that’s what this is about,” he said just above a whisper. “Really? Do you not trust me when it comes to that?”

“No! Of course not,” she said quickly. “I didn’t think you’d give into them. It’s not about you actually.” She wrung her hands together, scrambling for words. “It’s just that...those girls are so pretty. Much more beautiful than I am. They seem like the type that would fit better for you...” She hadn’t realized how much she felt that way until she said it out loud. She found herself so plain. It stemmed from the amount of comments she got from her family about her being boring and dull physically. To a big extent, she thought it was true.

Kyo finally looked to her, his brows creasing together. “What the hell are you talking about? You are insane if you think I don’t find you attractive.”

Her heartbeat picked up. That actually meant a lot, especially coming from him. “I am?”

His expression softened. “You are. You’re beautiful. And yeah, those girls are hot, but I’ll never fall in love with them the way I fell for you.” He took a piece of her hair bound together by her ribbon and tucked it behind her ear.

She smiled as he held her cheek. “You make me feel beautiful, Kyo-kun. Thank you for telling me that everyday.” She held his wrist, as if she was afraid of him pulling away. She really didn’t want that. “I’ve never been that jealous before. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“But it just means you love me, right?” He leaned down so his face was at her level. “Not that I deserve it.”

She shook her head while grinning and met him halfway in a kiss that she hadn’t intended to get so intense, but he took it there, holding her waist and pulling her close until her body was pressed firmly against his own.

When she broke away to breathe, she found him smiling so big that it took away her breath more than the kiss had. “You have my word that I won’t leave you for anyone else. You’re my first love, and you’ll be my last.”

“I’m holding you to that, but I don’t think I have reason to worry. I trust you completely, Kyo-kun.” She opened the front door, pulling him in behind her by his hand with her mind officially set at ease.

Gen 4.1 Planning

Libi: Okay, so my basic premise for who Libi is going to be at her core, WOO; I was thinking about how we said that she is Tess' second (lowkey third but I'll let you live gal) chance at 'getting it right' and raising a child well, which, OBVIOUSLY, she's never told or anything but there's an innate pressure in that that you'd know on some level, likewise her mum AND dad died so everyone would be quick with those comparisons always, this family and Liam's mum when that contact is made because her daughter died as well as; Then that made me think of the pressure Ro felt because you know, bad shit happened to Bea (Edie and Liam in this case) and then she got saved by McVickers and felt like she owed everyone to be great and do great things; so my vibe is that BUT COMING FROM A LESS SELFISH, WEIRD, PERFECTIONISM ANGLE soz not soz Ro, we know what you did; I see her being better behaved as she grows up, far more than her parents obviously but lowkey better behaved than any of the mcvickers or cali kids ever were because she thinks everyone deserves that, her not causing any more problems, but again UNLIKE Ro, she wouldn't be different to a degree of not fitting in because she'd make a massive effort to be there for everyone and every event, be likeable and get along with as much of the fam as possible, obviously some of that is natural charm but it's also putting in the time ahem Rosaline; like, she's a people pleaser, to a fault, and all she cares about is making everyone else, Tess, Fearghal, Ali, JJ etc etc, happy and making sure she's being what she thinks they want her to be/need her to be, and like that is what makes her happy because she is doing it out of love and respect not obligation but she doesn't know she's doing it, you know? Again, it's innate, how she is, but that's where the arc can come in, in realising that she goes with what makes everyone else happy, is who they need, but what does SHE want herself, and what does SHE need? A way I thought we could make this a Bobby/Libi storyline if we wanted (but we do not have to) is if she does have feelings for him, could be any point on his timeline gfs and kids wise whatever, but she lets him go and have whatever gf or do whatever thing because she's like that's what he wants he doesn't like me or want me like that etc, because she doesn't let herself want things selfishly or do anything just for herself Bobby: we should totally have them be together as little bubs because they are and it's like a running joke that they are gonna get together/get married like we've lowkey already said but more so but maybe the vibe is he is really shy how he is and lowkey it's like a my sister and me vibe where she does all the talking and socialising for him and like all their friends are joint friends Bobby: not in a creepy Ro and Ali way but Bobby: and we will let you outgrow that sir Libi: it makes sense because obviously we're learning sign language so simply Bobby can't communicate with most kids by himself, that's facts, and it's easier to have another kid help you than Jimmy always being there, or whoever he has helping him at school, you know Bobby: oh snap maybe I flip reverse what I said and Cammie's mum is the deaf one too and the vibe could be that like Libi pushes him to get some deaf friends as they become like tweens/teens so he can communicate himself so he does and does become more outgrowing that way but maybe he lowkey leans too hard into deaf culture for a while there and she feels like pushed out by it because it's something she can't be a part of Libi: ooh yeah, that makes a lot of sense Bobby: it adds something to Cammie's character as well being hearing but having two deaf parents so that's interesting Bobby: and also makes sense why JJ have to help them so much as well as them just being young Libi: right, there's a lot of shit Cammie would have to do from a young age if not for JJ lowkey 'cos it's just easier for a hearing kid than it is a deaf adult in this world Libi: her mum could maybe be more partial for ease but yes Bobby: and like it makes sense that Libi would push her feelings aside when those two grow closer/happen because she'd be like well they're both deaf that's something I can't give him and something I want him to have Libi: exactly, it'd feel really selfish to wreck that even if you didn't have all the ingrained shit she does around it Bobby: and obviously he actually wants to be with her as well but thinks she doesn't want that and before you now it there's baby Cammie so it's like well now I gotta try and make this work because don't wanna be a shit father like I had Libi: oh the drama of it all Libi: love it Libi: and we've not really got (that I can think of) a never mind I'll find someone like you type deal Libi: because usually it's like JUST SAY IT but it actually makes sense here to pine and long but let him go Libi: hence I'm here for it Libi: So, what I'm thinking right now is, that they're like never officially together, like it just keeps being an in-joke kinda vibe and like we're JUST best friends and then kind of like family, but obviously as they get into tween/teen years it's beyond a stage you can pretend you're just a kid playing at being girlfriend and boyfriend and as you said boo, that will coincide with JJ wedding and kids roughly so then it'd be more obvious like it's not going to happen seriously, then she can encourage him to get deaf friends etc, but I feel like he should only meet Cammie's mum just before or at uni (or whatever equivalent he's doing after school) so then it is quick and not like they were even mates before so it's less of a shock for all, you know? Bobby: I totally agree because I strongly pictured him being best man at the JJ wedding (soz Pete) and her being one of the bridesmaids and all the bants that go along with that and them both being SO 😳 Bobby: and yeah he could live the cliché that Jac was mocking and literally get with this girl freshers week I'd believe it Libi: Right? it then mirrors the Jameson/Cammie thing except they literally are just BFFs and there isn't anything going on Libi: there's actually weight to this but we're just like haha no don't be silly Bobby: and we've literally not done that trope with childhood boy girl best friends before really because baze are probably the closest but they were always so clearly in love and refusing to fight it so it's fun Libi: exactly, because unknowingly or otherwise, we're fighting against all the cliches and tropes that come with this family Libi: like I'm going to not do any of those things that caused drama for everyone and this is clearly too close to home, even though I don't think anyone would actually be that bothered, we've just really internalized and gone with it Bobby: like how nobody cares Jac is gay except Jac herself Libi: right Libi: but obviously she's good at keeping this all internal because no one can or is gonna clock it and be like, babe, it's okay Libi: like JJ might be a bit like oop, keeping it in the family but as long as you're both happy they really don't care, and same for mcvickers even if Tess is suspish of everyone that comes into any gal's life 'cos trauma lol Bobby: Bobby wasn't trying to make deaf culture happen for himself but Libi would have been so excited for him to get out there and do it that he would've been excited too and then it is literally like a new world opening up because who has he ever interacted with that's deaf before Bobby: didn't mean to lowkey leave you behind gal but Libi: it's kinda her own fault, not to blame you but clearly literally what we do like okay he's happy now mission accomplished Bobby: and maybe Cammie's mum is like the deaf equivalent of those gays who make it their whole identity so she's really selling it and so he also thinks okay this is who I should be with Libi: we know the vibe, like it's more excusable but still, I get you Libi: I see it Libi: a bit of a baby gay equivalent like go too hard and you're like I need to calm this down Libi: UNRELATED BUT Libi: think it will please you Libi: Jay is born 32 like Bobby, I'm pretty sure, and I thought Libi and her would also make for interesting content because Jay obviously feels she owes a lot to the fam for not being stuck with Chloe etc etc and the very little we did with her gave off a similar energy to me Libi: and she has her commitment issues in relationships because of her mum situation so they can bond over the shit that holds 'em back even though it's different stuff Bobby: and her relationship with Ava being her mum but also not being is something I feel like Libi can relate to because of how she was raised and the Rio and Buster-ness of it all because they wanted to raise her and obvs they wanted to raise Jay for a while there too Bobby: plus all the travelling she does is something that Libi could potentially join her in doing if she needs an escape so that's nice Libi: 100% it makes for a strong friendship there's a lot of parallels if not total similarities Libi: it makes a lot of sense, it's coming together baby Bobby: if you need to get away from seeing Bobby literally playing happy families, I can offer you that gal because I'm gonna have her go to uni/live in new york probably now that Nancy isn't because her face actually did live there idk if they still do or what but Bobby: we know the vibe is that she goes everywhere and can't settle so you'll have lots of chances to run away in a way that won't upset anyone Bobby: and when she gets her man and it works out we could totally coincide that because she can be like if I can do it so can you Libi: a mood a moment Bobby: all I know is Bobby is gonna be more chatty because neither Jimothy or Jesse are so I must but not to Jude levels of !!! Libi: a nice middleground Libi: which is kind of what I see for her honestly Libi: less in your face than 1. we were as a little bub 2. a lot of the fam but still sociable enough that it jives well with most of 'em Bobby: I'm so happy about all of this and honestly Cammie's mum being deaf makes so much sense in terms of what we were already thinking about her being more distant and working a lot Libi: if she doesn't give up the fight, she could be some kind of advocate vibe Libi: 'cos then Cammie can't even call her out really Libi: like soz this is important, maam your child Bobby: exactly what I was thinking we're in sync rn boo Libi: because it all makes sense, you gotta follow one thread and then the story shows itself tbh Libi: because tying in Astrid too, obviously that makes sense because she loses her mum too, and she'd ultimately be a really good influence because after Ro dies Astrid is kind of freed to do whatever she wants for herself Libi: and how much happier it makes her, how much she improves...well Libi: sips tea Bobby: I LOVE THIS Libi: and who else is taking the autistic girl that seriously and letting her teach you things Libi: love that for you Libi: she's living her best life and we can see that Bobby: she can be in their friend group, I'm happy Libi: ALSO, I feel as if she couldn't lie to Astrid Libi: because she says how she sees it bluntly and we're not going to feel comfortable fobbing her off because of that insistence, so that'll be good for you even when we're hiding it from everyone else Libi: everyone else you've just got to be vaguely like oh no no and it's dropped and like okay Bobby: we're gonna get to show so many different sides of Libi, I'm always here for that Bobby: and however far we go down the Astrid and her gf eating disorder rabbit hole, we''ll have Libi not treating her like a kid which is great Libi: yeah, there's loads we can do with the end of gen 4 for them all it's a mood Bobby: okay so what or who would you like to throw Libi at first Libi: that is the question Bobby: just so we know Bobby is going to Trinity and studying Business, Economics and Social Studies (B.E.S.S.) which is business, economics, political science and sociology basically so he can end up working at that advertising place with Jimothy after he has done this 4 years Bobby: Cammie's mum is there doing deaf studies which is also 4 years Libi: do we wanna do a rough timeline for these people mentioned here Libi: Jay born 32, we find out about her when she's 7 in 39 Libi: Bobby is born 32 and comes into the story 38 Libi: Libi is born 34, Edam die 35, we know this situation, is 4 soon to be 5 when she meets Bobby vias JJ Libi: Astrid is born 35 and Ro dies in 44 when Astrid is 9 Libi: JJ can get married 46, so Libi is 12 and Bobby is 14 Libi: doesn't have to be when we intro the deaf friends to the point of exclusion obvs but it's timed so we never have the 'real' relationship chat of it all obvs Libi: so Bobby would go to uni in 50-51 and Camie is born 51 start of 2nd year Libi: that gives us this good 4 year period before uni to play with, then obviously we know the vibe of when she's born and making that work etc Libi: Hmm, I think it would make the most sense to do a gap year then stay local, like that's the ideal Libi: because I really think she'd struggle being away from the fam Libi: but I'm kinda thinking maybe to be cruel she DOES go away because it seems like something the fam are like yay about Libi: 'cos she'd try really, really hard to stay but they should at least notice that and she can transfer for a reprieve Bobby: that's really nice actually Libi: she should do her first year in Liverpool, the rest at Trinity Libi: okay, so film studies, it was only 3 years in Liverpool but we're changing to trinity and you do years 1 and 2 (aka whilst Bobby is still there at least for year 1 but I need to check anyway) there and years 3 and 4 at Columbia uni in new york, aka where Jay is Libi: **remind me to check the times but we need to give him a solid bday and I'm changing hers up too Libi: this is just roughly Libi: but this way we can be cruel with it lol

To All The Boys I've Loved Before (Part 22)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21)

Dear Veronica,

I don't mind dancing when I'm dancing with you. We should do it again sometime.

Good luck on the game today, not that you need it.

Go get 'em, bobcat.

- L

She grins, a big dopey grin; it felt silly how happy a little piece of paper could make her. But it does, it makes her really happy.

She's so distracted by the note that she's taken completely by surprise when someone bumps into her in the middle of the quad and knocks off her books from her hand. She shoots the guy a look of annoyance but he's already blended into the crowd.

Sighing, she bends down to pick it up and then another pair of hands are helping her. She looks up and sees him; Duncan Kane.

She swallows hard, she hates that her nerves are acting up around him again.

"Hey," he offers her a smile, handing her back her textbooks. "Can we talk?"

She stands back up, straightens her posture, meets his blue eyes and nods. "Walk me to my locker?" She asks and he immediately agrees.

There's so much between them but he's foregone any commentary on it in favour of talking about his senior year and it's confusing to her that he's bypassed it all and just decided to be casual about everything now that they've already made a mess of things.

She doesn't know what to say, so she nods and agrees and gives her two cents comments because if he's being casual then she can be casual.

"Everything feels so messed up and confusing lately," he says finally once they're at her locker and she takes in a breath. "All I really know is that I miss my friend and I'd like to have her back in my life, if she'll have me?"

He's leaning against the locker beside her and she's busy with transferring the books in her hand to her locker. And she never expected their reconciliation to be like this but she gives him a smiles and nods, "Of course, Duncan."

"Good," he sighs out in relief. "I'm still worried about you and Logan," he says and she has this incessant niggling feeling in her stomach since he started taking that's gotten stronger the moment he's mentioned Logan's name. "You know he still comes over?"

She freezes momentarily, her heart stops at the implied thoughts and she has to force herself to move, to breathe.

She swallows, desperate for air, and slowly continues to fiddle with the contents of her locker. Her shook heart now beating rapidly against her chest and she tries to calm down.

Everything with Logan felt so natural, so good, almost perfect that a part of herself pretended it was more than just friendship and a fake relationship.

She should have said something to Logan, she should have told him to stop being so nice to her, to stop touching her, to stop giving her notes, to stop caring about her and Heather and everything in her life; to stop making it so easy for her to fall in love with him.

How could she think that Logan had only spent time with her? Lilly's the one he wants. Of course, they were still in contact. Lilly's half the point of their fake relationship.

"He was there on Saturday and I'm pretty sure they still talk on the phone with each other," Duncan continues, the disdain clear in his voice.

Saturday. She doesn't know how to explain the gut wrenching feeling that's wearing her down. She remembers Lilly's mockery and Lilly's invitation to be friends - because Lilly and Logan were still friends, of course they were. She still hasn't mentioned it to Logan because there was no way she wanted to be on a double date with Lilly. There was no way she thought that he'd wanted to be on that date. Was there?

"Yeah, they're still friends," she answers, tight smile and clenched jaw.

"You're okay with that?" Duncan's clearly surprised and disapproving. She knows he wants what's best for her but she knows what she got herself into and Logan's helped her so she's going to help him - even if it breaks her heart.

"I trust Logan," she says and it tastes strange on her tongue now that she's given this unsettling information about him and Lilly but she needs Duncan to believe she's in a happy and fulfilling relationship even if Logan's actions prove otherwise.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt by Logan," he says gently.

She nods her head, understanding the concern but she doesn't feel appreciation for it. She feels upset, she feels betrayed and she feels heartbroken but she doesn't feel like she has any right to be because Logan hasn't promised her anything and she's known that from the start, so why did she let herself be in this position only to get hurt again when all along this was what she was trying to protect herself from?

Duncan's still waiting for her answer and she wants to say Logan won't hurt her and she knows that's true - Logan's given her everything she's signed up for and more - but in a few weeks or maybe even days she's going to look like a fool for ever saying it.

"I won't be," she assures him.

Duncan nods, his eyes lingering just over her shoulder and then she feels strong arms wrap around her sides, holding her tightly against him.

"Hey, Sugarpuss," he whispers just loud enough for Duncan to hear and drops a kiss onto her temple. He looks at the boy in front of them, smirks and says, "Hey man, how's it going?"

Duncan gives him a nod, "Alright, man. Well, I gotta go, don't wanna be late for bio. Catch you later, Ronica." He waves her off and takes his leave.

"So you and Duncan are talking again?" Logan asks, casual tone but looks at her intently, he's loosened his hold on her enough for her to turn and look at him but his hands are still holding onto her waist.

"Yeah," she bobs her head. "We are." She feels tense, agitated and moves away from his hold on her.

He blinks, surprised. He's been holding her a lot recently, touching her every chance he gets and she's never actively moved away from him before. She's even been initiating some of those touches, hugs and cheek kisses.

So he doesn't understand why she's distancing herself from him all of a sudden. His eyes drift back to where Duncan once once and he thinks that maybe he does.

He swallows the anxiousness he feels at her actions and bobs his head like she had seconds ago. "Cool, cool."

He doesn't know why he expected Duncan to never reappear in Veronica's life. Maybe a part of him wished Duncan would sulk in a corner and never show his face again.

"So," she lets out and he's trying to look her in the eye but she keeps avoiding his gaze. "Uhm, I totally forgot about this but you know how Lilly and I are working the band competition project together?"

He nods his head, taking her hand because the bell is about to ring and he's made walking her to class on his list of boyfriendly duties. He feels her tense but he doesn't let go and he finds some relief in the fact that she doesn't either.

"So I forgot about it but last Saturday she invited us out on a double date. With her and her boyfriend."

"Lilly wants to double date?" He frowns. He remembers last Saturday, he'd gone to her house and he'd told her explicitly that they were done romantically. He'd be there for her as her friend but that's it.

There's no denying that he'd loved Lilly but he's always known that she didn't love him the same way. And he didn't believe that he deserved to be loved unconditionally either.

But then Veronica happened. Her letter was filled with childhood memories and unreserved emotions that were just for him so raw and unattached to any expectations. She called him out on things he's never paid attention to and she saw past his facade even then - she saw the real him. (She did back then when they were twelve and she still does now).

Lilly wanted him as who he showed the world and Logan's realized that that wasn't a person he wanted to be.

He knows that Lilly's upset that Veronica's gotten so close to him in such a short time and he'd felt so frustrated because she'd gotten a boyfriend first.

The thing was that before Veronica, he wanted Lilly back even though she had someone else and had only told him after. Then he saw her at the car wash where she looked so damned cheerful and happy - the complete opposite of him. And then all he felt was resignation. He knew in that moment that Lilly and him were over for good.

"Yeah," Veronica says, her voice quite and tensed. "I mean it'd be a chance for you to get her back, right? See what she's been missing."

He feels his body grow still at her words. "Dinner with my ex and her new boyfriend, how does that sound like a good idea?"

It's scary to him that the idea of Veronica actively pushing him to Lilly is worse than the idea of having dinner with Lilly and whoever she'd left him for.

"If you can spend the night pretending you don't care about that then it'll probably drive her crazy."

He wants to tell her that it will definitely drive her crazy but he doesn't care anymore. Only he doesn't know how to say that to her now that he knows Duncan's back in her life the way she wanted without freaking her out and inevitably losing her completely so he takes a breath and lets out, "Okay."

Her body is stiff and she hates that she feels so wrecked over Logan's simple okay but she tries to push it down and repeats, "Okay."

3/3/14

G: don't act like girls don't love it too

A: Depends

G: what do you mean?

A: Girls do love it but it depends

G: onnn

A: The dude. Positions. A lot of stuff lol

G: well what makes you like it?

A: Hahaha guys that can stay hard. Good positions. Rough but not too bad depending on my mood

G: well how's a guy supposed to know your mood so he can know how to be? and really? staying hard has been a problem?

G: what's good positions to you?

A: Because I can usually do what my mood is so then they'll know. Yes that's been an issue lol.

G: lol I'm sorry to hear. idk how that could be an issue. you're gorgeous.

A: Well it has been more often than not lol

G: that's shocking to me.

A: Why?

G: you're gorgeous

A: Doesn't mean anything lol

G: what positions do you like the most since you mentioned that was important?

A: Hah I mean the normal ones? For the back, on top or on bottom

G: well you said that was important. are there like ones you don't like?

A: Nah. Sometimes depending on my mood I won't wanna do a certain one

G: and which one is that?

A: No like depending on my mood I might not like doggy or won't wanna be on too

G: oh I see. well how is anyone supposed to know what mood your in?

G: it could be easy to mistake it as you not wanting sex

A: Because if he goes to move I won't do it haha

A: I guess that's true but idk. I've never had that issue I guess lol. I usually just keep going with whatever it is or I'll move to one I wanna do

A: Like sometimes I feel fat and don't wanna be on top or I don't wanna have my legs up so I'll keep them down. Or if I feel like my ass is too fat or something I won't do doggy

G: what. you have a great ass alex. really. it never looks bad lol. but yeah I understand if at times you don't like certain things. I don't wanna do things that you don't wanna do. honestly, it seems like you don't really wanna do things with me..like this is the first time you've opened up to me about these kinda things. I've always felt like you didn't like doing things with me

A: No I do wanna do stuff with you though. And I mean if you wanna ask me anything than go ahead.

G: it's hard to tell. I mean I guess idk what to ask..you just never have seemed as attracted to me as I am to you. and you never talk about things you like or what you'd want me to do idk. I've always felt like I annoy you whenever I bring it up

A: You're the only one that I've actually ever enjoyed doing stuff with. And the only guy that I've really WANTED to do stuff with. And I don't regret doing things with you ever, even what happened when we went to drew huff's or whoever

A: Obviously I have a different attraction to you that's other than physical and sexual so I guess I might not exactly show the sexual attraction to you all the time or wherever.

A: Whatever

G: well I have different attractions to you too but it just is hard to read you cuz you don't show a lot of physical attraction. but I am glad that you haven't regretted me. I don't regret anything you you ever either. I've always been so attached to you.

A: I guess I can try to show more physical attraction? I just don't know how I guess. I always get soo nervous around you that I'll mess up or something. I feel like I walk on ice with you sometimes. I've always been attached and I don't think that'll change.

G: well I don't want you to be nervous. I'm thrilled to get a chance to hang out with you. idk I guess make more moves..idk

A: I suck at making moves

G: why?

A: Because I can mess up I and look stupid

G: you wouldn't mess up. I'd go with anything.

G: and it'd just be helpful so I know when you wanna do things. It's just nice to know that you wanna do things I guess idk

A: It's probably safe to say that you can assume I always wanna do stuff..I can't say no to you

A: Idk where this is going but I don't wanna have sex. Like I do but I also don't necessarily wanna go through that again..idk if it makes sense

G: why? and I don't wanna hurt you but I can say that I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. there's no othe girls in my life. I'm more worried about you hurting me. you live 2 hours away

A: Why would I hurt you? You're the only guy I've ever wanted.

G: I don't think you'd hurt me but it does suck not seeing you a lot. but I can deal with it. it just worries me that you're away and could be with anyone there and I wouldn't know.

A: I would never do anything to you. I would never hurt you. You've literally had me for the longest time..

G: I know that but it's just I already thought you weren't that attracted to me that much and you don't wanna make moves. idk

G: and it seems like when you're in town you don't wanna hang out that much

G: and now you're saying you don't wanna have sex. it's just hard to know what to think.

A: I am attracted to you and I'm attached to you and just about every way. I do wanna hang with you and see you. I don't wanna have sex because it affects me emotionally and I don't know where it's going and if I can handle that again.

G: where do you want this to go? I'm not going to do anything to hurt you. I'm just as in this as you. you could hurt me too but I don't want anyone else.

A: I wouldn't hurt you. You're the only person that I want and the only person I've really wanted since we broke up.

G: I hope so. if you aren't okay with sex then what is okay?..I don't wanna cross lines. i want you to be able to trust me. an ill trust you.

A: I mean idk. Like I'm okay with it I'm just really afraid of getting hurt again like last time.

G: I don't wanna hurt you. idk how I would. I'm more worried about not being able to see you a lot and I know I'm going to get attached.

G: I mean I don't want to annoy you

A: You don't annoy me at all. You'd hurt me by leaving again or finding someone else.

G: I don't want anyone else. look if you aren't okay with it it's okay. I respect that. you can tell me where the line is and I'll respect that.

A: I'm going to want to in time. And I'm sure I'll probably end up doing it anyways. Like I said, you're hard to say no to.

G: why am I hard to say no to?

A: Because I'm attracted to you and I'm attached to you.

G: as I am to you

A: Yeah. I've never gotten over you. Don't think I will.

G: well same here. I can't ever let you go. I always want you.

A: That's how I feel.

A: I don't want to let you go, either. There's always something that brings me back.

G: 😙

A: 😊

G: 😀😊☺️

A: Haha what?

G: nothing you just make me smile

A: You make ME smile.

G: good :)

A: Of course

G: I'm looking forward to stayin later this week :)

A: Why

G: cuz I'll actually get to spend more than an hour with you lol

A: I know ha. I hope I can figure that all out

G: me too :/

A: /:

G: sooo then

A: Even if I can't stay, I can be over for a long time. But hopefully I can stay once over sb.

G: okay :)

G: goodnight cutie :)

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover 👮🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really  don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive  and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: 🙄 Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand  'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶👧👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I  keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]