#there’s over 5k people following this blog and i never post!! sorry!!
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[MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]
An important (and overwinded) announcement regarding this blog below the cut.
Hello everyone! This is Rawkin Ghoul/ Tumblr Ghoul/ Tumblrina/ Soda/ etc etc.
First thing’s first: no, this blog is not an official Ghost social media account.
I started this blog in late 2022 when ghost-official started blowing up (I do not believe this one to be real either, and honestly I won’t believe they have a Tumblr until it is linked on their official website) and thought, “wow, I could make a better Ghost blog than that. One that’s way better organized and actually advertises properly for them, and posts regularly!” So I did.
Originally it was meant as just that, a little joke between some friends, and wasn’t meant to really get farther than that. But then I thought, Ghost does have a lot of fans on Tumblr- a lot of exquisitely talented and devoted fans. Maybe I can kinda “roleplay” it for a while, build almost a bit of a portfolio, and then either offer the blog to management or offer to run it for them officially, for fun, if they were interested.
More time passes and more people followed. I thought “xofficial” as a username was a common enough joke/ gimmick that people would realize it wasn’t for real (and in fact, when I first searched the URL, I found that this username was once in use years ago! Sorry, previous owner), especially after posting that April Fools joke post- this was wrong of me to assume. There are a lot of roleplay/ joke “official” Ghost accounts all over the web but I failed to really properly disclaim that I was one of them.
I of course don’t plan to reach out to Ghost anymore and haven’t for some time, for multiple reasons including Tumblr just not being a good website for advertising. But another one is I got pretty loose on here. Tumblr is so different from Twitter and Insta and all that- you guys (and myself! I go here too) don’t want to have someone sell something to you- but you do love interaction and jokes and solving things together.
I think we can all admit it- when Ghost is dormant, the fans can get bored and even agitated, and can start to have a go at eachother. I’m certainly not guiltless there either. I wouldn’t say I’m notorious or even particularly well known in general but I’ve gotten into drama here and there. I figured the blog would be a fun way not just to distract the community, but really engage with it. The blog passed 5k a month or so ago and I started thinking, we could do something really cool with it. Smaller events like fanart contests and zines. But what if we did more? Organizing pre-ritual meetups. Larger community projects like fan-made music videos. ARG. Maybe even a short video game- there are so many incredibly skilled and hard-working Ghost fans and I wanted to try to bring them together because I think our love for Ghost, for whatever reason we love them, screams so loud and everyone deserves recognition (also a reason I started Fanart Friday as a regular thing).
You guys know I do my best to keep up with your tagging and what you’re saying and everything and I’ve seen the people pointing out the blog isn’t real from the beginning- I didn’t want to address it directly at first because I thought if nothing else people enjoyed the mystery.
But, more lately there’s been more and more people who are agitated, disappointed, and even a little scared to hear that this blog is not official.
I want to offer my very sincere apologies to people who I made feel that way. I should have made it obvious sooner- I know so well that there are a lot of very young Ghost fans especially who wouldn’t necessarily surmise that this isn’t real. I’m really sorry to those of you I disappointed.
I will never ask you for money here, or any personal information, or send asks anonymous or otherwise from here or my main personal blog as “Tumblr Ghoul”. I have had one person ask to message me so I messaged them to allow them to do that. If somebody contacts you claiming to be the person running this blog, they are lying. Please block them. My interactions here I aim to keep as public as possible, hence being increasingly liberal with replies and reblogs as the number of people interacting grew.
My only goal with this blog is to advertise for a band that I love and to entertain/ help the fandom when and where I can. I love and appreciate all the fanart and interest in the character of Tumblr Ghoul but I don’t want anybody to feel obligated to me and I especially don’t want to hurt anybody. I started this blog for fun and that how I want it to remain- fun for everyone.
People pointed out when I didn’t post for some time a few months back and it was because I had lost interest in the blog and was going through a rough time- and then one particularly bad day I got on to check it by chance and just seeing your guy’s tags and comments made me feel so much better. I tell people that I found Ghost when I really needed a friend and they fulfilled that for me, but the past few months you guys have done just the same for me. I am so sorry to have betrayed that and made you feel unsafe and lied to in return.
As of posting I do intend to still run the blog as I have been (with a disclaimer added to the bio regarding the legitimacy of this account)- posting about tours, chapters, merch, etc, as well as Fanart Friday. I 100% understand if anybody doesn’t want to be involved in that, so anybody who has tagged me in something and don’t want it on the blog now, I can open messages and you can let me know. I will probably close them again after a week or so if I get a large flood of unrelated messages.
Please do not message me asking me who I am, who knows about the blog, etc. Gaining popularity was never something I wanted from this so I will stay anonymous, for the time being at the very least. A very small number of people know who is behind the blog and to my knowledge only one of them is even on Tumblr and in the fandom.
Thank you for all the support you’ve shown me, Ghost, and eachother. It can be easy to see the bad parts of a community and roll your eyes electing to keep your distance, but since starting this blog I’ve been reminded what good community is even when it’s frustrating sometimes.
Thank you for reading, I won’t hold it against anybody who wants to separate themselves from this blog at this point, and please don’t let my oversight and general dummyness sour your experience with Ghost or its other fans. Enjoy the rest of this tour and whether it’s with or without me, please keep rawking 🤘 Be good to eachother.
Thank you.
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I was (kinda) tagged by @glittertrail, mil gracias jo 🥰🥰🥰
1. Why did you choose your url?:
When i was a kid and on my first social media sites (basically Deviantart and mail accounts) i always used "jackdragon" as my username because of Jack Redfield from Memorias de Idhún, I wanted to keep that theme on Tumblr and I came up with this one I quite like :)
2. Any side blogs?:
Yes, both are dead but I don't really know how / want to delete them lol, they're @skamesptranslations for, well, Skam España clip translations; and @gleespana again, pretty self explanatory, I had a project of rebooting Glee but set in Spain and with Spanish songs and stuff.
3. How long have you been on tumblr?:
I created the account on 2014, but from 2015-2016 I was absent. I came back in 2017 and I've been here since.
4. Do you have a queue tag?:
Nope
5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?:
I honestly don't remember? I think it had to do a bit with the crush I had at the moment, she had a Tumblr and maybe I wanted to have something in common with her? I don't remember us talking about Tumblr tho
6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?:
I wanted an Amira icon cause she's my favourite character from the Skamverse and someone made that really funny edit with the Hackerman meme after the clip in season 2 where Amira dug up all info on Joana and whatnot; so I just took it lol (looking back I should've asked for permission, sorry to whoever it was).
7. Why did you choose your header?:
Kieutou is probably my favourite ship ever so yeah. But after Druck ends my Skamverse era will probably be over and tho I want to keep the pfp I want to change the header; I don't really know what to choose as a replacement tho (I'm all ears if you have any suggestions!!!)
8. What’s your post with the most notes?:
A "put in the tags" post I made a while ago about what would your name be if you were named after the river closest to your hometown. It blew up way more than I could've predicted, last time I saw it I think it had over 5k notes.
9. How many mutuals do you have?:
I haven't counted but I would say around 200? Maybe???
10. How many followers do you have?:
1062 which I think is just insane
11. How many people do you follow?:
601
12. Have you ever made a shitpost?:
Yeah, I've made some lol
13. How often do you use tumblr each day?:
Too much... No but really, I would say, in total, it must be like 2-3 hours? Maybe?
14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once?:
I don't really remember any, no! I've had some hate anons (and non-anons) but there was never any beef I think
15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?:
I don't really like them tbh, sometimes I will reblog it nevertheless (if the cause is important enough to me), but most of the time I'll just ignore it
16. Do you like tag games?:
I love them!!!
17. Do you like ask games?:
Everybody knows I love them, yeah, they're my favourite part of this site!
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?:
There certainly are mutuals that are big in the skam fandom but I don't know if they would classify as "tumblr famous", they are for me at least I guess. I would say @jon-astronaut, @j-purplesunsets-rainydays @fatoudixon (I screamed when I saw you were a mutual hello 😳) @aahelvede and @gotskamstuff are the most well-known mutuals I have. And apart from them, I have an irl famous mutual, miss Hajar Brown herself which honestly makes me loose my mind everytime I remember it lol.
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?:
Not really! I do have a lot of friendship crushes like @ la ganga, @skamesp @claimedbytheearth @minglana @im-too-tired-to-think @espanhois @what-islife15 (my beloved❤) and many more I'm probably forgetting but yeah, none romantic I think (and if I had I wouldn't say it lmaooo)
And I tag basically everyone I have already mentioned (la ganga: @naguaraquerandom @alicechesire @eskamtrash @sarcasmisalifechoice) @looselysealedkrypton @afolksongs @sonechkaandthedynamos (i just realized i should've include you in famous people as well, you're one of the balkan tumblrinas!!!) @gwendolynlerman
#tag#i had a blast making this ngl#also sorry for all the tags i'm sorry if i annoy any of you!#especially the ones i deemed tumblr famous
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Todosibs (and other BNHA) rec list
I started another BNHA fic reclist and it got long so I'm putting it here as I tend to.... on my ATLA sideblog. Don't worry about the logic of this too much, haha. Anyways, a lot of these are pretty well known, but maybe some are new to you! I'm also giving pitches for why I like them geared towards specific requests, and I'll list the original request at the bottom of the post so if you guys have further recs that meet these requirements let me know!
Not all who wander are lost -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/17950646 -- 27k words, complete -- Has probably been rec’d here before, and I was re-reading it today as a treat, I still love it a lot! All four Todoroki siblings run away together after Rei burns Shouto. I love the characterization, and how the author draws on their own experience as a foreigner working in Japan, and how they did their research on missing child cases and child homelessness in Japan (it doesn't go hugely in depth but I appreciate the authors' notes discussing this, even if it's, well, incredibly tragic. There’s more light hearted cultural notes as well!)
make this feel like home -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852745 -- 27k words, complete -- we already rec'd this to you but adding it here for completion. A character-focused Todosibs fic with EXCELLENT portrayal of sibling relationships. I re-read this one A LOT.
Dragon Head, Snake Tail -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/17195510 -- 61k words, incomplete -- Another Todosib favorite that deals with canon and also an AU in which Rei got a divorce and everyone mostly grew up away from Endeavor. I love how the sibling relationships are depicted, but I also love how the author is a huge kanji nerd who fully lean's into Horikoshi's love for punny names and the long authors notes explaining how they came up with every new name in the fic. It's occasionally bittersweet but mostly a fun & humorous fic.
Twin Swap -- https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867879 -- 55k words, on hiatus with 2 complete arcs -- do you want Todosibs AND great villain characterization? (well mostly Fuyumi & Touya, but Natsuo is there for a bit too). Anyways the fic is mostly pretty lighthearted in tone, but it's also not afraid to hit hard in the characterization department, and I really love how this author wrote all of the League members. I re-read this one a lot.
No Such Thing As a Hopeless Case -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806328 -- 14k words, hiatus (and right on a cliffhanger too!) -- All Might accidentally kinda adopts the league of villains? Again, great LOV characterization, and I think you'll like how it explores the societal factors and personal tragedies that lead them to and keep them at the margins of society. also, some really terrible puns, which are my favorite thing
could i but teach the hundreth part -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/12558048 -- 5k words, complete -- a post-canon outsider-POV fic of Class 1-A visiting and taking care of a retried All Might. It’s just short and sweet.
Missing Everything -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/30128547 -- 52k words, in progress -- AU where Izuku doesn't learn of All Might's secret during the slime attack, but manages to befriend him through his civilian identity. Recommending this for the really interesting (to me at least) characterization of All Might and examination of his flaws and the toll of his career, and recently it's gotten into some interesting exploration of the details of the Hero System with the beach clean up.
Q.A.B. -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/27665101 -- 18k words, complete (w/ a sequel just starting out!) -- a really excellent social media fic in which Izuku stays quirkless and doesn't go to UA but does gain a following online for his quirk analysis and hero blogging. Also features great characterization of Todoroki, Kaminari, and some of the Vigilantes crew.
Yesterday Upon the Stair -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/8337607 -- 460k words, complete. You're probably aware of this fic since it's the highest hit count in the fandom, but I really think it fits your requirement and writing and character work! I know some other people who think the writing and character work are mediocre though, which I'm baffled by... but YMMV? The beginning is weaker and my absolute FAVORITE part is the Nighteye arc, which is the last 20% of the fic, but I would say it really starts to hit its stride by chapter 9~10? If you aren't enjoying it by then it's probably fair to expect it won't catch your interest later.
I can't believe no one has written any "self insert as Bakugo" fanfics... - https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662220 -- 70k words, infrequent updates -- I like this one for taking a weird as hell premise and REALLY rolling with it. It's somehow pretty similar to a lot of more positive takes on Bakugo's relationship with the Midoriyas while also being very much it's own thing. The author is NOT "far out of high school" though -- it's hilariously clear from the SI's reactions to certain quirks that the writer started this while taking lower division universtiy physics (and personally I love that). Also appreciate SI!Bakugo's war with Nedzu to get proper counseling and mental health support for class 1-a after all the shit they've been through.
It's Over, Isn't It (it's only yet begun) -- https://archiveofourown.org/series/1269638 -- 66k words, abandoned series with several complete stories -- AU where All Might dies rescuing Tenko from AfO but other than that it's a heartwarming fix-it! Same author as YUTS, very positive portrayal of Nighteye, excellent character writing for many other characters.
Subject: A Comprehensive Report -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/16037609 -- 83k words, infrequent updates -- another very popular fandom staple, but hey it's really good! A social media fic with quirkless Izuku interning with Nighteye as an analyst. Has some very interesting exploration of the legalities of Hero Society and how the status quo developed.
For Fools and Utopias -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/22547254 -- 89k words, updates regularly -- okay grace is the one who rec’d this fic to ME but to anyone stumbling across this reclist on tumblr, THIS FIC IS A MUST READ. Absolutely the BEST, more thought out and gutting portrayal of the flaws of the hero system, and how the different characters struggle with it. This fic GOT to me, hard, I’m still thinking about it a lot. Takes place roughly a decade post-canon, in an AU where Izuku never met All Might or went to UA, and nothing got fixed (yet! they’re trying!!). Features absoulely STELLAR characterization of Midoriya, Shinsou, Todoroki, his sibblings, Ragdoll, and more!!
Here’s the original request:
any of the following in any combination:
- really good writing
- sophisticated character work
- engagements with the ethics of the hero system
- some kind of actually nuanced take on the Todoroki family
- anything obviously written by people who are long out of high school (sorry for being old)
- adults todobaku
- good looks at the villains because guess what I continue to be weak for villain stories
- basically anything that's Really Good
- I like grey areas
(to clarify, I, teashoptiramisu, am not the originator of this request but I’m also interesting in reading more fic exploring these ideas, so if you have any more fic that you think meet it feel free to drop the link(s) in a reblog or send me an ask!)
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Mr. Min
↳Pairing: Min Yoongi x female reader
↳Genre: Romance (all fluff)
↳Word count: 4.7K
↳Rating: G
↳Warnings: None
↳Summary:
Min Yoongi is the asshole boss who keeps you late at work every night. But then you find out why and it gives you the upper hand.
A/N: I hope you guys like it!! Finally wrote something less than 5k. It has been a while for sure. Cross posting this from my other blog @iamtaekooked. You guys have been following me on here even though i am like never on here its crazy. I LOVE YOU ALL. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I AM GOING TO TRY POSTING MORE IF MY LIFE LETS ME.
Your hand begins cramping as you finish writing the report for asshole number one Min Yoongi. Writing a report is easy, but having to write it by hand is what makes you want to strangle him. The tiny blue desk clock strikes 11 pm and once again you lose out on the opportunity to live your life. At this point, you have lost track of how many times you have stayed late at the office while your friends enjoy their weekends with dinners, movies and activities. Sometimes it’s so bad that you video call them just as you’re about to drift off to sleep.
You don’t even bother to hope to go home early anymore. Min Yoongi always finds ways to make you stay late with him. You went through the five stages of grief at first because you felt your life was being taken away from you. You even thought of threatening him with a lawsuit because he couldn’t make you work over 40 hours a week. When you did he was quick to turn the tables by offering you overtime pay-- and not a measly sum. It was money you couldn’t turn away. So, once again you let yourself fall prey to his actions.
Slowly but surely you began getting used to this so-called “routine”. Gradually, hours started fading into one another until one day you became so habituated with staying late (and to the mind-boggling pay) that Yoongi didn’t even have to come to your cubicle to hand you anything. You already asked him in the morning for your evening assignment. One would think this would be a hint for him-- but no. The man was as clueless as one could be.
Like any other night, you had an assignment, one which Yoongi labelled as important. But then again everything was important. Any task he assigned (or rather you asked for) he classified as important. You wondered if he understood what the word means because if everything is important then technically nothing is. Rather than ask him about it, which wasn’t necessary anyway you did what you were handsomely paid to do.
A sigh passed your dry lips. Once again you grabbed the pen and began writing-- this time going as fast as your wrist would allow. The ink flowed from the pen to the paper in black scribbles, hardly understandable. But you could not bring yourself to care. He would have to deal with it, and that was that.
Having written the last sentence, you capped the pen and pushed back the chair so you could go to his office. Your heels hurt from wearing six-inch pumps all day. No less would do because turns out asshole Min Yoongi had made that provision because apparently, it looked “more professional”. While walking to his office you just imagined torturing him in your mind by making him wear these fucking heels. It was slightly comical imagery but also satisfying, so much so that you could not help yourself from smiling.
You knocked on the opaque glass door as you reached his office. It was customary for you to knock once and for him to not answer. Normally you would slide the documents or whatever is needed under the door because Yoongi had specifically requested he not be disturbed. But something prompted you to stick your head against the glass door and peer inside through the clear margins. You couldn’t see anything so despite Yoongi’s “request” you turned the knob, opened the door slightly and peeked your head inside. The scene in front of you however was not quite something you were expecting.
Min Yoongi was laying back against his very comfortable looking plush leather rotating chair, with his headphones on, legs resting on top of the table and his eyes fixed with a concentration on his laptop. There were empty boxes of takeout at his desk and the whole image conveyed to you that he hadn’t actually done any work. It was an inkling, which means you could be wrong. But you would be damned if you didn’t make your presence known.
You walked inside, standing halfway between him and the door and cleared your throat as loud as you could. There was no response as expected. You walked a few steps and stopped just short of his desk, yet he still did not notice you. You looked at the report in your hand and threw it on his desk, which landed with a thud. He jumped, and finally looked at you. It took a second but the realization dawned on him. His eyes bulged like he had been caught red-handed and you noticed his adam’s apple bob as he gulped hard.
He hastily took off his earphones and straightened in his chair. “I thought I told you not to disturb me”
“I am sorry, did I ruin the fun?” your brows knit together.
“Do you have the report?” he asked instead.
You look at the papers on his desk and then back at him to make him aware of it sitting in front of his eyes.
He fumbles with the papers and picks them up. While he’s busy scanning the papers you take in the state of his desk. One side is completely neat with all the binders and files organized, and the other is just filled with trash. As you’re busy studying the contents of his desk, you notice the name of your client’s company on one of the papers. Curiously you reach towards the file, Yoongi still busy reading your report. You scan the pages and realize without even having to read halfway through it that Yoongi had already finished the report and it was marked with yesterday’s date, which means he already sent it to the client.
“Do you care to explain this Mr. Min?” your fingers curl into a fist around the papers.
His eyes widen once more. “Oh shit” he mumbles-- a deer caught in the headlights expression on his face.
He sighs, dropping your report on the table. “Oh fuck” he rubs his forehead.
“It’s nothing,” he says with a straight face just a moment after looking like he’d been caught.
“It looks like you already completed the report. Why did I have to do it if you already did it?”
“I wanted you to” he’s quick to reply.
“I am sorry Mr. Min but that is not a good enough explanation. I stayed here even though I did not have to. I find it unfair that I have to do work that has already been done-- and that too by you. I doubt you don’t trust yourself with work”
“That’s enough with the questions” he replied curtly.
“Wait a minute” you look back at the pile of papers on his desk and find a presentation he had asked you to make for him a week ago. However, the date this presentation was printed was a week before that which means that once again he made you do something that had already been done. Sensing a pattern you decided to confront him right then and there.
“Pardon my french, but why the hell have I been doing work that had already been done?”
Yoongi sighed once more, but this time he sounded more defeated than the first. “Look, I can’t give you an explanation you will like. There isn’t one. But I’ll tell you the truth”
“Good” you fold your arms across your chest.
“You won’t like this either but I asked you to stay late because I wanted you to be here with me. I never got used to working late at night. Something about being alone always irked me, so I started keeping people around. It’s not right, I know” he’s quick to justify just as he noticed you opening your mouth to speak. “Trust me, I know. But then when Brian left and you joined, I knew that I needed you around. So I started asking you to stay late. Turns out, I liked your company more than I have liked anyone else’s so I even started paying you to stay late, which I have never done either” he finishes, The only problem is he doesn’t sound sincere enough. It’s like he’s telling you for the sake of telling you.
“I am sorry Mr. Min but you are not a child. I can’t be putting my life on hold just so you don’t have to be alone at night. Do you have any idea how many occasions and opportunities I have missed in my life because of this? I couldn’t attend my best friend’s graduation, I couldn’t be there for the birth of my nephew because I was here slaving away. To think it was for nothing is terrible. You should really say sorry” you glare at the man, demanding an apology you know you deserve because it doesn’t matter how much money you got paid. It won’t compensate for the memories you could have made.
He purses his lips. “I won’t” he shakes his head. “I know it’s wrong but I don’t say sorry”
You scoff. “You’re an asshole”
He shrugs as if your remark doesn’t bother him in the slightest. “Be that as it may. I did what I did because I like having you around. In fact, I did it because I like you and I am not ashamed of it”
Under normal circumstances, you probably would have been flattered and even blushed at having been confessed to. But these weren’t normal circumstances and on top of that, it was Min Yoongi.
“How about this-- you can go home early for all of next week” he offers.
It actually makes your blood boil because he thinks he’s being generous. But even if you gave him a wide berth, this wasn’t even cutting it close “All of next month actually” you counter, determined in your own way to make him apologize for his actions.
He considers it. A few beats of silence pass as both of you continue to stare at each other. “Fine” he agrees.
“Good.” you say shortly, before turning on your heels and heading towards the door.
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Yoongi ends up keeping his word for the whole of next month. If it were up to you, you would have asked him that you will never stay late. But after your anger had died down in a week or so, the rational part of your mind convinced you that the money was too good. And it was. So you didn’t try to extend it.
In that one month, however, Yoongi was being awfully generous towards you. You figured it was his way of making up for his actions.
After a week of your heated conversation with him, you found a bouquet of flowers at home addressed to your best friend. There was no name on it. It turned out you did not need a name, because one you knew whose handwriting it was and secondly, the apology was enough for you to know who they were from.
I am sorry y/n missed your graduation. I realize she should have been there with you and it is my fault she was not. I can’t turn back time but I hope these flowers and this small gift make up for it. Congratulations on your achievement.
Accompanying the flowers was a generous gift, one which could have only been given by Yoongi. A full spa weekend with your best friend. It was an all-inclusive offer.
It felt like he was bribing you to forgive him. But even if that were the case, you felt you deserved this and you would be damned if you let it go to waste. If this is how he wanted to apologize, then so be it. In a way, he was giving you the opportunity to spend quality time with Hana.
Hana was ecstatic. “Isn’t it sweet?” she said dreamily.
You couldn’t help but scoff. “It’s not sweet. It’s what he should be doing. Not this exact thing per se. But he needs to be making up for what he did and he is” you reminded her.
“Fine” Hana was quick to give up because even she knew not to argue.
To apologize, at the end of the month Yoongi also ends up giving you the biggest client. This one you feel conflicted about because you can’t discern his intention. So you do the only thing you can. You went charging to his office to demand an explanation.
Maybe he heard you coming but before you could even open your mouth after entering the room he was already speaking.
“I know,” he says as he gave you one glance before focusing on his laptop as he typed away. “I gave you a client because you deserve it. Trying to make up for troubling you is also part of it, but it’s mostly because you deserve it” he explains without sparing you another glance this time. “It just so happens Karla likes you and I think you can understand each other well as women. Not to mention you have great marketing skills that Karla’s company could use” he finishes speaking and the sound of keys clacking stops as well. He gives you his undivided attention. “So” he joins his fingers in a steeple, elbows resting on the desk. “What do you think?”
You don’t even give it a second of thought. “You made a good decision Mr. Min” corners of your lips curve in a smile.
“Of course I did” he reciprocates your smile. “I never make bad decisions” his smile grows into a knowing grin.
You catch the sarcastic play on words. “I wouldn’t be too sure of that”. Your gaze lingers on his a second longer before you nod and turn away to leave.
Just as you reach for the door, he speaks.
“Do your best”
You turn around and give him a curtsey nod. “You bet I will”
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You’re back to working late nights, but this time with Yoongi in his office on actual things that matter.
You and Yoongi have been working on a pitch for Karla’s company to convince them to change their branding. You work late hours into the night as usual. You flirt here and there, but nothing major happens as you both keep it professional(ish). There are a few laughs exchanged, a couple of longing gazes, moments so thick with tension you could practically taste it on your tongue.
You lean over to look at Yoongi’s list of ideas, but unknowingly invade his personal bubble-- that intimate zone only reserved for significant others/spouses. You get caught up in the moment as you look at him, and he looks at you. For a moment you think he’ll kiss you. But instead, he clears his throat. “I’ll be back” his voice is a whisper.
He gets up hurriedly and leaves, clearing his throat all the way to the door.
You watch his figure disappear behind the opaque glass door.
“Keep it professional” you chide yourself with a shake of the head.
You focus back on your notes, flipping through the pages trying to put a concept map together.
A draft of air hits you and you look in the direction to find Yoongi opening the door. He walks in a few feet, one hand hidden behind his back.
Curiosity piqued and you offer him an inquisitive look. “What are you hiding Mr. Min?”
Wordlessly, he brings his arm forward. In his hand is a bouquet of baby’s breath flowers.
“How did you-” you start.
“I know” he erases the distance between you as he stops just shy of invading your intimate space and holds out the flowers.
You reach for them. “Thank you. But how do you know I like these?”
“You said it” he mentions.
“I did?” you look at him puzzled.
“Two nights ago. We were talking about using florals to brighten up the aesthetic for Karla’s company and you mentioned baby’s breath is your favourite flower”
“ I don’t even remember saying that” you shake your head, almost in disbelief that he remembered. “You actually remembered?”
He nods. “I remember everything you say” he replies“ no matter how sharply you put it” he adds with a chuckle.
At a loss for words, all you can do is stare at the man filled with a foreign feeling.
“Thank you” you finally manage to say.
“You’re very welcome” his lips curve into a smile.
He returns to his seat while you place the flowers on his desk as gently as you can. Once he’s seated you take the opportunity to ask. “Mr. Min” you address him.
“Yeah” he looks at you in a way that makes your heart race faster.
“Why did you give me these?” it feels like the incessant urgent know has been satisfied and you feel relieved.
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to” he looks down at the papers in front of him. A few moments of silence pass as you continue studying him while he keeps his gaze downcast. “An-anyway let's get back to it” he quickly changes the subject.
You nod. Under the dim lighting of his office, for the very first time you notice how handsome he looks. His skin looks like porcelain, his eyes glimmer with a hint of golden flecks around the irises. His lips look buttery soft. You bite back on your lip as you realize how much quicker you’re breathing.
“Is something wrong?” Yoongi questions as he looks up at you.
You vigourously shake your head. “I just— I am sorry”
“I caught you staring didn’t I?” he responds but it’s not really meant to be a question. “I don’t mind. I like the attention” he winks.
Your eyes widen. “I— I wasn’t” your attempt at denying it is futile and even you know it. But you have to at least attempt to save face.
“If it helps, I actually think it’s cute” his lips upturn in a playful smile.
You keep mum, considering there is nothing to say. Even though you don’t speak, the smile on your lips says everything Yoongi needs to know.
You hear him softly laughing and you can sense him just shaking his head. Then you hear something and you aren’t sure if you hear it right but it sounds an awful lot like “you’re cute miss y/n”
You end up spending another hour brainstorming ideas. After that last exchange between you, you thought you couldn’t concentrate. But you did. And once more you flirted a little, exchanged gazes, and avoid as hard as you can to pay no mind to the vibe between you.
“I think we should call it a night” Yoongi stretches his arms over his head with a groan. “You’re tired too”
“Okay” you start gathering all the papers into a pile.
“Don’t worry about this” he waves his hand in a dismissive manner. “I’ll do it. Start getting your stuff together. I’ll drop you off”
“You don’t have to” you reply, the burdensome feeling coming on. “I can go home”
“Did I give you a choice?” he narrows his eyes at you. “Just because I got you these flowers, and that spa day and gave you Karla doesn’t mean you get to tell what I have or don’t have to do. Got it” he sounds a little stern, but in a way where he’s being thoughtful more than trying to be a jerk.
“Yes, Mr. Min” the meekness in your voice surprises you. As you stand in front of him you cannot understand what brings on this sudden submissive attitude. But you have already agreed and something tells you Mr. Min won’t take no for an answer.
“I’ll be right there” he motions to the door with his head, indicating that you should pack up.
“Okay” you pick up the bouquet and quietly walk out of his office.
The walk back to your desk is filled with mixed emotions. A fluttery feeling floats in your stomach, giving you the perception that your head is spinning. You almost stumble as you reach your desk. You realize you’re breathless as you grip onto the edges of the desk to steady yourself. “Shit. So much for keeping it professional” you mutter while you grab your bag. You sling it over your shoulder. You gather the flowers in your hand as you wait for Yoongi.
Moments later he’s coming out. “Ready?” he asks.
With a dry mouth and dizzying intoxication brought upon his presence all you do is nod.
“After you.” he says.
Maybe he isn’t an asshole after all.
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The sounds of crickets chirping in the silence of the night help shroud some of your thoughts. But not enough apparently because merely Yoongi’s presence is enough to send you in a tizzy. It’s maybe only been about five seconds since Yoongi stopped in front of your house but it sure feels like hours.
“Umm” you’re the first to break the silence. “Well, thank you for the ride an-and for these flowers”
“You’re welcome” comes his quiet voice.
You unlock the door, one foot already out of the door.
“Wait” his hand on your forearm stops you.
You turn to look at him. “Yeah?”
“I actually brought you these flowers because I was going to ask you on a date” he confesses.
“Oh” is all you can manage. You don’t know what else to say.
“So, will you…?” he sounds unsure as he says these words, almost like he himself doesn’t know.
He sounds sincere enough. But as it stands you have two choices: give in easily at which point you may as well give up any hope in future of asking him for anything. Or you could just play hard to get so he knows it won’t be easy.
“I’ll think about” confidence flows through your voice, and along with a coy smirk on your lips.
Yoongi’s previously solemn expression is replaced by a crooked smile. He studies you quietly, making you wonder what he’s thinking. “I’ll give you five minutes”
“No. If that’s how long you think it takes to figure out whether I want to give you a chance, then my answer is no”.
“Fine. How long do you want?”
“It’s not about long I want Mr. Min. It’s about how long you are willing to wait” and without hearing his response you exit the car.
All Yoongi can do is stare at you open-mouthed-- stunned and in utter disbelief.
You didn’t know Yoongi would wait for two whole months. You didn’t expect him to keep it professional between you either
You also didn’t expect Min Yoongi to come to your desk at 2 pm and ask you to look over the designs for one of your clients.
“You look lovely today y/n” he stops next to your desk, holding out a file for you.
“I always look lovely” you take the file from him, dismissing his compliment because you’re sure he’s just buttering you up into doing something for him. Not that you wouldn’t if he hadn’t said anything.
“I mean it” his voice softens as he recognizes your disbelief. “Blue looks good on you’” he motions to your blue blouse, and looks you straight in the eyes. He doesn’t even flinch-- which means he actually probably means it.
You certainly don’t regret picking it out anymore. “Thank you”
“You’re very welcome.” he adds with a smile that stretches into a grin. “Oh and can you look this over. Please and thank you”
“I will” you nod. “Question for you”
“Anything” he half sits on your desk as he awaits your ask.
“Did you come here to give me the file or to tell me I look good?”
“I came here to tell you, you look beautiful if what you’re after is my motive” the corners of his mouth turn up in a soft flirty smile.
“I am. But I’ll also look at this” you gesture to the file in your hand.
He acknowledges your response with a nod as he turns around and starts towards his office.
“Mr. Min” you call out and he turns around. “That suit looks great on you”
It takes him a second to comprehend your words, but as soon as he does, he’s back to smiling. “Thank you y/n”
Just as easily he struts away, just as easily everyone around you is stunned into silence. It looks like a comic scene as everyone looks at Yoongi’s retreating figure with mouth’s agape.
“Did he flirt with you?” one of your coworker’s peers over the divide between your cubicles.
You look up at him. “Yes he did”
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At 4 pm, you walk back to his office with your notes on the changes that should be made. You knock on the door once. He doesn’t answer so you take it as your cue to enter.
“Here are the notes” you hold out the file as you stop just in front of his desk.
“It’s already done?” Yoongi is forced to look up his work.
“Yes and yes”
“Okay. You can leave it on the desk” he goes back to his work.
You wait for him to catch on. But he doesn’t. So you start towards the door.
“Wait” he calls out. “Yes and Yes?”
You turn around, feeling giddy with anticipation.
“What’s the second yes for?” he looks at you puzzled.
“I guess you don’t want to go on that date anymore” you quirk a brow.
He closes his laptop and leans back in his chair. “Took you long enough”
“You reap what you sow Mr. Min”
“Is that right?” it’s rhetorical of course but you nod anyway.
He chuckles. “Let’s go “ he grabs his coat from the back of the chair and swings it around and on his shoulders.
You look at him puzzled. “Right now? What about work?”
“First, I am the boss so I make the rules and I say we go. Second, I made the mistake of offering you five minutes of time to make your decision. You really think I am going to give you a day or two for this date”
You can’t help but laugh. “In that case Mr. Min, let’s go”
He heads to the door first as you follow “After you” he opens it and you’re almost out of the door when he shuts the door. “Wait. I have to do something” he pulls you to himself, supporting
you by the waist as he presses his lips to yours.
Maybe time stops when his lips meet yours. But the flutter in your stomach only intensifies. You feel weak in the knees. You hold onto the nape of Yoongi’s neck as your legs begin to tingle. Yoongi’s hands rest on your sides, and gently make their way up to cup your cheeks. You moan into his mouth, as his tongue dances against your lips.
Yoongi keeps his eyes slightly open as he pulls back for air. He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming so he held onto you tighter, causing you to become aware of the contour of his body flush against yours. “I am sorry if I took you by surprise” he’s slightly breathless and flushed. “I wasn’t sure how the date would go and if I would get the chance to do this. If you don’t want to go anymore” he stops to lick his lips. “I would understand” he finishes.
“So you’re not an asshole after all” you look at him through the curtain of your eyelashes.
He raises a brow at you silently telling you to consider your wording as if you're treading on thin ice. “I am still your boss”
You shrug. “You lost the upper hand when you asked me out”
“I knew I liked you for a reason” he says while he takes a tiny step back to give you space and time to collect yourself.
“I think I might fall” your breathless voice takes you by surprise.
“You already have” he curls his fingers around yours.
Hand in hand you walk out of his office, causing ruckus in your wake as your coworkers gawk in disbelief at your departing figures. Because how could Mr.Min be acting like this? More importantly, how could Mr. Min be smiling like an absolute idiot.
I hope you enjoyed it :) Don’t forget to like and reblog! Thank you for reading.
#bts smut#bts reactions#bts x reader#yoongi x reader#bts fluff#bts#yoongi fluff#min yoongi x reader#office au
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group ask for lost fics #32
Hi y’all! Below are a few lost fics that us mods just can’t seem to find. That being said, we’re hoping that you lovely followers are able to help! If anyone knows any of the fics below please reply below or send in an ask with which anon/user and group ask that the fic corresponds with!
Note: previous group asks and all lost fics!
Anon 1 asked:
Hello! First of all thanks so much for everything you do for the fandom! Also, I’ve been trying to find a fic for a while where Merlin and Arthur are both super into each other and Arthur keeps trying to seduce Merlin but Merlin thinks he has to remain pure until the dragon tells him that’s not the case w Arthur and I was wondering if you could help! Thanks so much 💖🥰
Thanks to statistical-nightmare for suggesting Touch Me (Not) by veronamay!
@ohmytimeturner14 asked:
Hey! I'm kinda getting back into the merlin fandom and I was looking for a fic I once read and can't find it. It's a sick fic where merlin gets sick with pneumonia I believe. Can't remember how long it is, at least 3k and most likely under 20k? I think part of it had Morgana offer to read to Merlin when he was sick? I think it was Merthur but I couldn't swear to it. Love your blog, Keep up the good work!!!
Hey! I love your blog. You always do such an awesome job.
I lost a fic, its at least 5K probably leaning twords 20 though. It involves Merlin getting sick, I think pneumonia. I remember that at one point Morgana reads him a book when he's sick, and Arthur almost leaves to get Hunith because he thought Merlin wouldn't make it. May have something to do with a formalwear tunic that made him cold and got sick, but that might be a different one. I also think he was going to go to a party of Gwen's before he got sick?? sorry if this is kinda vague
Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in Midwinter Festival by Miss_Em!
Anon 2 asked:
hello!! yay the ask box is open again!! 🥺 I’ve been going through the asks for a quartermaster/007 thing but I can’t find this particular fic where Merlin was Q, and closer to the end of the fic he gets kidnapped on a train (to be specific.) It’s slash, but not pre-established, happens during the fic. Arthur bursts into Merlin’s apartment and manages to have flashback about the laptop’s password or smth too! Thanks in advance!
Thanks to wiggly-jiggly-higgledy-piggledy and overworked-bookworm for suggesting You Only Live Twice by storyforsomeone (WIP)!
Anon 3 asked:
Hello! I was wondering if you'd be able to help me find a fic. The only thing I remember from it is that both Arthur and Merlin are in the crystal caves and Merlin sees Arthur's death through one of them and completely freaks out and comfort ensues with Arthur. Sorry it's so vague but I'd love to see if you can find it! Thanks again!
@eyra-j-nee asked:
Hi!! I’m looking for a fic that was on ao3, (TW: non con) in it Merlin was assaulted in the stables and he called I think both killgarah and aithusa come and won’t let anyone pass into the stables except gaius and eventually Lancelot. Arthur figures out it’s Merlin and I can’t remember what happens after that. I’ve looked through your hurt and abused Merlin tags and I didn’t see it. I can say it’s not “all of himself” by StormDancer but they are very similar! Any and all help would be appreciated. As always THANK YOU for what you do, this blog and your hard work is a godsend!!
Thanks to fangirl485 for sending in The Fire of a Dragon by ma_r (check warnings!)
Anon 4 asked:
hi I am looking for a fic, it's post canon au and magic is legal, arthur & gwen aren't married though and all the people of Camelot are used to see Arthur and Merlin together or near each other and one time they don't, so they ask merlin who tells them that the king is on holiday today so they come to merlin with their problems and even after the holiday is over they still come to him and start calling him lord and Arthur is very amused and they get together at the end of the fic
honestly I'm a little annoyed that I remember this much but not the name of fic but I can't find it in my bookmarks, so thanks
Thanks to onceandfuturekid for suggesting King of My Heart by illiterateowl!
Anon 5 asked:
hello! i was wondering if you know about this one fic where merlin receives a purple tunic as a reluctant gift from arthur and he worries about it because it's the colour of royalty. i think it was gen? i can't really seem to find it and this is very vague, so im sorry. thank you for all you do!! <3
Anon 6 asked:
Hi I’ve been looking everywhere for one particular fic. It’s pretty dark and modern au. Merlin is immortal, has lost his memories, not thinking clearly, and is suicidal. Arthur is reincarnated and has the urge to kill. They somehow? come to an arrangement, and Arthur “consensually” kills Merlin, and then is filled with regret. But it kind of “resets” Merlin so when he comes back his memories are restored and he’s ok again? Any ideas??
onceandfuturekid asked:
hi I'm looking for a fic where there's a new servant master (?) who is harming servants so arthur disguises himself and pretends to be servant and merlin & gwen take him under his wing,,, also the servant master (?) was a druid I think or atleast banished from them and was looking for power of emrys
Thanks to atlantablack-chaotic and avery28 for sending in The Serving of Servants by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle!
Anon 7 asked:
Hi! I've been looking for this but can't seem to find it and I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could help me. It's a genderbend!Merlin. The story basically follows canon with Merlin becoming Arthur's manservant just that on top of magic she has to hide the fact that she's a woman and when things go "further" Arthur thinks he's forcing himself on Merlin, since he can't "feel his desire". Thank you do much for your help! ❤
Anon 8 asked:
Hi, I've been trying to refind this fic for a while but I'm having trouble finding it. I can't remember much of it which makes it difficult, but I just remember that Merlin gives Arthur a gift, which I think is a ring, and he finds out Merlin had magic and questions whether Merlin enchanted it against him. It's in the canon era where Merlin is his servant.
Thanks to fractalinferno for sending in A Little Roughing Around Never Hurt Anyone by melennui!
@emritz86 asked:
Hi, it's been a while I asked smthng. Caught up with work and stuff. I read a fic where Merlin was a doc and married to Arthur but Arthur didn't like Merlin at first and didn't even let him enter to their bedroom. Later he realised how awesome Merlin was and tried to reconcile but Merlin already thought about filing divorce. Do not remember the name but I'm certain I read it and saved it somewhere. Anything similar would be great too. Thanks.
Anon 9 asked:
Hey! I was wondering if you could find a fic for me where everyone thinks Arthur is dead and then Merlin goes to look for him but the knights are like he’s dead and Merlin says something like “half my soul resides in him. I would feel his death like a wound” ps this blog is literally my life
Anon 10 asked:
I'm looking for 2 kind of similar stories. The first is a canon au where Merlin is actually a dog that Arthur finds in the woods. I remember toward the end they both get injured and Arthur is frantic when he wakes up. Asking Gaius where his dog is.
The second is modern au where Merlin is blind and Arthur is reincarnated as his seeing eye dog. I don't remember much more than that, sorry. Thank you for all the work you out into the fandom. MUCH MUCH appreciated!
Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Familiar To You, Strange To Me by TheYaoiChick for the first part!
@gaylord1027 asked:
Hi,
Do you know of a fic where Merlin was raised by Balinor in the cave after Hunith died and Merlin has some for of mental affliction. It starts with Arthur coming to them for help and then he wants to protect Merlin. Nimueh is in it and she befriended Merlin and died when Balinor lived to keep the balance.
Anon 11 asked:
I was wondering if you knew of the fic where Gwaine and Arthur are fighting to see who's merlin's best friend but in the end they realise it's Lancelot
Thanks to fractalinferno for suggesting Merlin's Favourite by OwlsWithFins!
#other: group asks for lost fics#other: fic find#other: lost fics#mod danielle#sorry for the long post lmao#we have A Lot of asks
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Get to know me tag game
Tagged by @xanthippe74 - thank you! <3
1. why did you choose your url? It’s a phrase from a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke. It depends on the translation, though. I recently found a better translation, where the phrase is “to exercise the heart”. The poem is The Ninth Duino Elegy. It’s long, but worth a read!
2. sideblogs? I do, but none I’m actively using at the moment. I have a seperate art blog, but I just can’t be bothered to split it all up tbh.
3. how long have you been on tumblr? Forever. Too long.
4. do you have a queue tag? No, I don’t really see the point in having a tag for it?
5. why did you start your blog? To connect with fandom peeps!
6. why did you choose your icon? I’ve had the same gingerbatch icon for absolute years and it was hard to switch, but I wasn’t in the sherlock fandom anymore and it started to make less and less sense. So I picked one of Harry instead. It was part of my six fanarts and probably one of the earliest Harry’s I ever drew!
7. why did you choose your header? It’s bad, I need to change it. Don’t look. It’s not lined out properly. I was distracted in the middle of tinkering with it, and forgot about it.
8. post with most notes? I think this Drarry art. I don’t know why that one exploded like it did, I have better ones, I feel.
9. how many mutuals do you have? I don’t know where to check that, but I guess quite a few!
10. how many followers do you have? A little over 5k. As I said above, I’ve been here for a long long time. I think most of them are inactive, porn bots or Sherlock fans who are still following me for Sherlock art (it ain’t happening, sorry!)
11. how many people do you follow? Around 600.
12. ever made a shitpost? I don’t think so?
13. how often do you use Tumblr each day? At least once a day, if only to check on notes. I used to be online all the time, but I’ve been a lot less active lately.
14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? Not really. I did get a bit of anon hate, but it never got bad. I’m not down for any kind of drama.
15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? Not impressed.
16. do you like tag games? Sure!
17. do you like ask games? Yeah, most of them are fun.
18. which of your tumblr friends/mutuals do you think is famous? Can you really be famous on Tumblr though? You’re all stars to me!
19. do you have a crush on a mutual? When don’t I have a crush on a mutual?
Tagging everyone who sees this and isn’t tagged already. Yes, I mean you. Please tag me so I can get to know you! <3
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The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 13: SNAFU
Characters: Captain Syverson, various original minor/supporting characters.
Summary: Sy has some time to think about his past, present, and future while roughing it in the Virginia wilderness which leads him to a revelation about what he really wants…but is it too late?
Need to start from the beginning? Miss an update because Tumblr? Click me!
Word Count: 4.7k
Warnings: Mild language, mature themes, military and weapon terminology, discussion, and use. (For those who don’t know, SNAFU is a term coined in the military. It’s an acronym for “Situation Normal, All Fucked Up.” And since this is from Sy’s perspective, I thought a military term, as opposed to a therapy term would be appropriate.)
Author’s Note: Despite this being the longest chapter, clocking in at almost 5k, it was one of the easiest to write, and came the quickest. I love writing from Sy’s perspective, and the pure love he has for Shane. I’m hoping to be able to write a bit more of his POV before the story is complete. We’ll see. I apologize if it seems like one long rant about Sy’s feelings…I guess that’s what it is, with various activities peppered in. He can be a sensitive guy, and I wanted to show that.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.
Tags:
@onlyhenrys
@cavillryarchive
@summersong69
@titty-teetee
@bloodyinspiredfuck
@agniavateira
@oddsnendsfanfics
@omgkatinka
@thisismysecretthirstblog
@misslaland (apparently deactivated, idk what’s up with that)
@speakerforthedead0
@tumblnewby
@suavechops
@radkesgirl83
@wheretheriversrunintothesea
@heartfelt-pen
@auds24
@geekycanuck (Better late than never, huh?!)
@lunarstarknight
Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)
X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@
Sy was no whimp. That much was certain. Missouri winters had toughened him up more than most men in his battalion and most of the participants in the training he was currently undertaking.
But it was more than that. Sy was uniquely prepared for the elements. He remembered a particularly harsh December night during Christmas break, before he joined the service when he was home alone and had to let the dog out. Fool that he was, he wore no shoes. Greater fool, he'd allowed the door to the back yard to close…and unfortunately, it had a tendency to lock. Which it did. He tried fruitlessly for a while to break back in, but being without a cell phone, he knew he'd have to walk a good distance for help with the lock.
He slipped out the gate and started up to the road, to follow it to his grandparents a few miles away. The county road wasn't the best kind for walking, particularly barefoot in the late fall, but his feet were soon too numb to feel the gravel and whatever else was lacerating the soles of his feet. After about an hour, he made it there, shivering, knocking frantically and waking his frail old grandparents up to rescue him from his own negligence. He'd regret that until the day he died. Not that they were angry about it. They shrugged it off. His grandma cleaned the blood and dirt from his feet and bandaged the shallowed abrasions. They didn't look too bad, considering the area they lived in and the trash that could have been waiting to carve him up. Then she set about cleaning up Sy's messy footprints from her normally immaculate floor. Grandpa looked all over for their spare keys to Sy's and his mom's house, and finally found them. He lent him a pair of shoes, drove him back home, and let him in the house. After that, Sy found himself eager to spend time outdoors during colder weather. As if determined to build up a tolerance to it in case he ever found himself in such a situation again.
Now, despite the time of year being only late August, it was unseasonably cool, especially at night, as if Christmas was right around the corner, and Sy was wishing more and more that he had someone to cuddle with during the nights he'd be doing cross country training here at the beautiful Shenandoah National Park. He had packed only the essentials for the expedition, a mess kit, bed roll, canteen, modest rations, first aid supplies, et cetera, plus a rope and a tarp for building a shelter. On his person, he had a compass, a topographical map of the park with checkpoints indicated, waterproof, strike-anywhere matches, a hunting knife, a tactical knife, an M17 pistol, and three .9mm clips. He was also given a flare gun to use in case he got stuck for any reason and needed extraction.
On his first night in the wilderness, he'd taken a lot of time falling asleep. Thinking.
He thought about his last week at home. He wondered how Mr. and Mrs. Stevens were doing with Aika. Shane had offered to watch her, and he considered it. He had appreciated her eagerness to help after her…less than enthusiastic response to hearing about this trip. But he decided since Aika had a close relationship already with Fred and Caroline, and she was still getting to know Shane, they'd better be the ones to take her. She understood, and had offered the second reason that since she worked so much, she wouldn't be able to give her the kind of attention she was used to. That had made a lot of sense. He felt like kind of a bad dog parent for not thinking of it, himself.
He thought about the week he'd been here already at the compound. His first day filling out paperwork, he was asked for an emergency contact. He was used to putting his mom…but she wasn't in the best of health, herself. He had nobody. Nobody but Shane. He put her down, instead of his mom. He thought about the seminars on company approved methods of subduing and detaining targets and combatants. He should have taught Shane some self-defense moves before he left. She could handle herself, and she'd proven so, but still. A refresher, or an advancement on one's skills was always a good idea. But he was sure she'd be fine. He thought about her the most in the torturous policy and procedure lecture. What he wouldn't'a given to have her here with him. She would have made everything fun. And she would have been a way better study partner than Keith. Keith, a Navy vet from Little Rock was a good guy…he just…didn't get Sy's jokes. He was a very literal kind of thinker, and it took extra effort for Sy to communicate with folks like that.
Shane, though…he and Shane wouldn't have gotten too much done, study-wise. They would have been…distracted.
As he hiked along the trails to his first checkpoint, he breathed in the clean, crisp air and stopped at the odd overlook here and there. The park was nestled on the outer edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains, and they were too gorgeous not to appreciate while he was here. He found himself…uniquely emotional. He didn't feel lonely often, but since he'd met Shane, he'd hardly gone two days without seeing her, even if it was for just an hour. She'd love all of this. She'd probably want a tent, and coffee in the mornings, so they wouldn't be able to travel quite as light, but they'd make it work. Maybe one day they'd take a trip like this. Just for fun. No checkpoints. No deadlines. No semi-automatic weapons…well, honestly, he'd probably still bring a gun, anyway. You never did know about people these days, he thought. Of course, that's probably what people think of me carrying a pistol, he also thought…anyway, he was almost to the checkpoint.
Said checkpoint was a big tent, like the ones they sold fireworks out of leading up to Fourth of July. Inside there was a single lane shooting range set up down one half of the tent. On the other half, there were stations set up with dismantled weapons that you had to assemble in a certain amount of time. Someone had beaten him to the range, so he started with the guns. No problems whatsoever. He was familiar more or less with all of the models, or some version of them. When the previous participant, a small blonde woman, had finished on the range, Sy stepped up to the counter.
The attendant reset the target for Sy so he could do a close range shot, then again for mid and long range ones. He shot well, although he still wasn't used to the lighter weight of the SIG Sauer M17s the armed forces switched to back in 2017. They'd offered him an M18 at the compound, but he favored the heaver pistol, instead. Maybe the M18 was more packable, but Sy just didn't feel right firing a weapon that felt like a feather in his hand. If it was up to him, he'd take a Colt Python .357 Magnum Revolver. That, however, was more than just a question of how the firearm felt in his hand. Being out in the wilderness like this made him think back to how it must have been before these lands became civilized and gentrified. Back to the days of the cowboy, Wyatt Earp and the OK Corral. Back when it was just the wild and free land he could pretend it was now. He thanked the attendant, who was writing his name on his targets to take back to the compound along with his graded weapon assembly timesheets, and then was back on his way.
There was an eerie beauty about this unsullied land, he thought, as the dusk fell the second night of the excursion and he began setting up his camp about halfway between the first and second checkpoints, by his estimation. With his fire built and his shelter up, Sy took out some of his rations, cured meat, hard cheese, and some walnuts, and had a light supper before cleaning his gun and turning in while the ground still held some heat from the waning sun, wishing again as the cold set in that his woman was there to warm him.
His sleep was fitful. And he awoke before dawn, from dreams he couldn't remember but which still left him feeling empty. They must have been about her. He was starting to feel regret. The last time he'd seen Shane, he'd said some things that he meant to be selfless. But he didn't mean them. He meant the parts about loving her, of course. But the last thing he wanted was to come home and find her moved on with someone else. He couldn't stand to think about it. As he walked into the next checkpoint area, the range was already set up for close range firing. He riddled the target with .9mm holes and could barely wait until the attendant got the fresh sheet set to mid range before he began firing.
"How about you let me fully clear the lane before you start on the long range target, okay, Syverson?"
"Sorry, man. I'm a little…on edge today. Won't happen again."
The short, sandy-haired buck trotted out to replace the riddled sheet with one more for the long range leg, pulled it down and lacked it in to long range position, then hoofed it back up to safety, sensing the captain's impatience. Sy shot cleanly, but with cold anger, as if the silhouette on the page out there was trying to take Shane away from him. He put two square in the chest, and two in the head without hesitating.
"Man, I've never seen a long range shoot like that! What's the deal, you pissed at an ex, or something?" Sy checked the man's lapel for a name tag.
"Not exactly, Mister…Daniels."
"Call me Jack." they shook hands, and Sy chuckled, questioning.
"I'm Sy. You're name is Jack…Daniels?"
"Yes sir. No relation to the Lynchburg Daniels, unfortunately. Momma wanted to name me after her granddad, and my old man, well, he had no problem with it given his affinity for the spirit."
"A wise man, your dad. Some of my best nights have included Tennessee Number 7." He didn't elaborate, but he was getting very specific flashbacks of drinking games in his kitchen with Shane. And he was gonna have to shake it off before the weapons assembly drill, or else he'd end up putting together an assault rifle backward.
He made it through without any trouble, thank the good Lord. But that didn't mean that his mind wasn't still reeling. He was thinking of Shane and the possibility that she was being courted by Chris Evans look-alikes and young Harrison Ford doppelgangers, and it was making him furious. He was pretty sure that she was about as interested in taking a break as he was, but he couldn't help himself from making the offer under the circumstances. He kicked himself as he made his camp for the evening, not very far away from the third checkpoint, but too far away to get there by dusk when the daily deadline was. He was a shoe in to get there first in the morning, though, if he was reading his map correctly, and he was damn good at maps, if he did say so, himself. And who would bitch at him for bragging out here, anyway. The odd cricket or squirrel? He didn't think so.
It was colder tonight, and he was thankful that he thought to boil some water for his canteen and put it at his feet. He curled his surly, burly body up under the layers of blanket and thermal sheeting. He was almost warm enough…but he still needed something.
His sleep was plagued by strange dreams that he unfortunately remembered tonight. The scene began with Shane in a bright pink dress and matching gloves, dripping with diamonds, like Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. She looked so glamourous and beautiful, but she was getting passed from man to man to the tune of Madonna's Material Girl, which was not the correct song, and he knew it in that moment, but couldn't correct anyone, because it was all playing out on the big screen TV in his basement. When he realized this he turned it off and noticed a familiar head of hair on his lap and stroked it, about to say "Hey, sunshine." until the figure sat up and looked at him, and it was Jordan, the PTA, batting his eyelashes at him, and asking, "You ready for bed, babe?" The therapist leaned in for a kiss, but Sy leaned back, tumbled off the couch and landed on those crutches again, standing right in front of Shane in the lobby of the therapy clinic.
"Hey sunshine." he said warmly. She looked confused.
"I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"Well…I should hope so…it's me. Sy."
"Sorry, not ringing any bells. I'll look you us and see who you're with, though. Usually Heather tells the new patients which therapists they get their first day. What's your last name?"
He felt like he was getting kicked in the gut with a soccer cleat worn by the Incredible Hulk. He answered with defeat.
"Sy's a nickname. Last name Syverson, first name Logan."
"Oh, there you are. Looks like Cory gets to take care of you today. I'll let him know you're ready. As long as you're all done with the secretaries?"
Sy nodded and collapsed to the floor blacking out. When he woke up, his neighbor, Mr. Stevens was standing over him, insisting it was time for him to get ready. He kept handing him things to put on. Pants, a nice shirt, a vest, a light blue tie, a jacket, nice shoes. The whole enchilada. They got out of Fred's car at a little white chapel outside which, his neighbor pinned a small boutonniere of powder blue hydrangeas to his lapel and walked in with him.
"Come on, boy. She'll be here any minute."
Sy was nervous, but excited. He was obviously marrying Shane. But he couldn't remember proposing, or planning the wedding, or an engagement party, or bachelor party, or rehearsal dinner, nothing…but none of that mattered. He heard the first notes of "Here Comes the Bride" and everything faded away, anyway. He began to cry as she got closer. She was moving slowly, he presumed out of nerves. Or perhaps she'd chosen the wrong shoes. It didn't matter. They'd dance the night away barefoot, and make love until dawn. He wished her veil wasn't so thick. He couldn't even see her bouquet. Let alone her stunning face, no doubt smiling as she cried with him. When she stood in front of him, he broke protocol and removed the veil to find Aika in a white dress on her hind legs panting, tongue lolling happily to one side.
"You may now kiss the bride." said the wizened old minister, causing Aika to knock Sy to the ground licking his face until he blacked out again.
This time, he woke to the chirping birds of a mountain morning in Virginia. His campfire long snuffed, his canteen now chilled as his blood. Those dreams…those were traumatic. He didn't want Shane to see anyone else. The thought of seeing anyone else himself repulsed him. Thinking about what his life would have been like if they'd never gotten to work together made him physically ill, and he was terrified that if he didn't act on these feelings, he'd end up with no one but his dog. Why did it take a trip out of state and all these nights of solitude to figure this out? She was all that mattered. He could dig ditches, flip burgers, get a teaching certificate and coach, or teach gym. Whatever. He also liked history. He could think of something if the people at Secure Source couldn't keep him in consistent work. It would be fine. He understood his purpose now. And it wasn't just to do his duty to his country. He'd served proudly for years. He had a new purpose now. And it was her.
He packed up camp in what he was sure was record time and hauled ass to the last checkpoint where the brass should be waiting for finishers. He was the first one there this morning, but he wasn't sure if anyone had made it yesterday. He didn't try to make small talk with the attendant today. He was on a legit mission to get back to his locker at the compound, turn his phone on and call Shane. He fired four shots, but only made two holes on the long range target. One in the chest, one in the head. The attendant was impressed, giving the highest possible grade.
"Man, Syverson. I pray I never do anything to piss you off."
Sy nodded in acknowledgement and went on to the weapons drill booths. Today, there were distracting sound effects playing on a speaker in each booth, and each one was different. Sy ignored the cacophony, pretending it was white noise, and focused on the puzzles at hand, breezing through the new weapons in better time than ever.
As his cards were being scored and turned in for review to Jane Freitag, the administrator over acquisitions and training, he got himself a cup of coffee and a doughnut, and just observed her, tactically, and objectively. She was a redhead with sharp features, freckles, and light eyes. She was slender, but dressed simply, and modestly. The consummate professional. Sy had honestly barely registered her gender, and it wasn't because she wasn't beautiful. She was. Full red lips, lashes for days, and although her clothes didn't exactly accentuate her shape, he could tell he had a decent figure. He just wasn't interested. And would never be interested in anyone but Shane again. Miss Freitag startled him out of his thoughts.
"Mr. Syverson." She beckoned him to the entrance to the tent near her vehicle.
He picked up his gear and coffee and trotted over to her.
"Ma'am?"
"Jane, please."
"Sy, then, for me. What's next on the agenda?"
"Well, you're the first participant across the finish line. I'm very impressed. It seems as though you almost could have finished last night."
"Yes, ma'am, if I hadn't taken a little extra time for sightseeing, I might have made it here by dusk last night. I just haven't had the hustle I had today."
"Well, that's nothing to sneer at. Normally, the deprivation of food, regular water supply, and proper sleeping conditions make participants sloppy. The opposite seems to be true for you, as you've done better at each checkpoint than the one before. Now, let's get back to the compound and get you a proper meal, and a shower, and talk about what's next for you here at Secure Source."
"Yeah, about that. Before we go much further with this, I need to know one thing."
"What's that?"
"I need to know if you'll be able to find me work near enough to St. Robert and the base there so that I don't have to relocate and travel all the time. I've got a life there, and…it's not something I can just pick up and move on a whim, and I don't want to be away for weeks and months at a time. I know I made this trip work, but I'm praying it didn't already ruin everything." He wasn't going to waste time mincing words. He needed to know right away or else this wouldn't work.
"Sy, with your talent…they're gonna want to put you on the high profile cases. Celebrity security. Concerts, movie premiers, things like that. You'll be wasted as a small town rent-a-cop." there was true concern in her face and her voice as she drove them out of the park and onto the main road to Secure Source's compound.
"If there's a need I can fill, how is that a waste? There's lots of talent in this program. Just 'cause I finished first don't mean I did it the best. And I'm sure most of these folks have the people skills to take them farther'n me. And if you wanna gimme first crack at those, I'll hear ya out. Just…let me reserve the right to turn down the out of town jobs. Especially if they're short notice. And if it takes me away from another security job, I want you to send me a replacement a few days in advance so I can meet 'em, train 'em, and introduce 'em around."
"Seems reasonable." Jane said.
"Well, alright, then. I think we got ourselves a deal. I'll shower up in the locker room real quick, then meet ya in the commissary for a sandwich so we can handle the particulars?"
"Sure, Sy." she agreed as they pulled into the parking structure.
They went their separate ways, Jane to her office, and Sy to the quartermaster to return his supplies and get the key to his locker. He practically danced there, he was so giddy to get to call Shane. He did need a quick shower first, though. Which he took, grabbing some shampoo and soap out of his travel bag. When he got back to his locker, towel around his waist, he replaced the products and grabbed his phone. He sat on the bench between the rows of lockers as it booted up.
When it did, it began alerting him as if it's life depended on it. Three text messages, three voicemails, … and twenty four missed calls. That was odd. Maybe a telemarketer had gotten his number.
He checked the texts first. One was a picture of Aika from Fred, his neighbor, the other two were from Shane…two days ago. The day he went into the park.
Hey, hope you have a great first day of Survivor: Virginia! Lol! Be safe! I love you!
OMG, nutty day today! I'm gonna be doing notes for hours! I'll text you in the morning! <3
And then nothing…he chuckled at Survivor: Virginia, but was a bit concerned. Maybe she'd decided not to waste time texting him if he wasn't going to respond? He didn't know. Maybe some of the calls or voicemails were from her. He'd check before calling.
One from his mom, one from the Stephen's house phone, and the rest were from Fort Wood Therapy. That was weird. He was discharged and didn't have any appointments…surely he wasn't missing any…Shane would have said something. He listened to the voicemails. The first one was from Heather.
"Hey, Sy, it's Heather, Shane's friend here at therapy. Hey, give me a call when you get this. Thanks."
Weird…the next one was from Susan, Shane's boss. In the same tone.
"Captain Syverson, it's Susan DeForrest here at Fort Wood Therapy Clinic. Please give us a call when you get this. Thank you."
Again, weird. The last one was Susan again and far less friendly and measured.
"Mr. Syverson. I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but you need to bring Shane back to work and stop screwing around. One or both of you is in serious trouble. Either you're being hot-lined for abduction or she's fired for not showing up for work. The choice will be hers." and the line went dead.
Sy felt his stomach twist into nauseated knots at Susan's words. Shane hadn't been to work. For how long? He had to call them. He didn't want to think about the horror that might have befallen Shane while he'd been away.
"Fort Wood Therapy Clinic, this is Heather, how may I help you?" Heather said, trying to hide the obvious worry beneath the cordial demeanor.
"Heather, it's Sy, what the hell's going on with Shane? What do you mean, she hasn't been to work, I don't…"
"Let me give you to Susan, Sy. I'm sorry." She added the last two words in a whisper. After a brief moment on hold, Susan picked up.
"So, Mr. Syverson. Finally decided to call us back?"
"Cut it out, Susan." He let her blatant ignorance of his rank slide in favor of getting to the point. "Tell me what's going on."
"Shane left work Monday and hasn't been back since. No one has seen her. Apart from you, I presume. I knew letting her date a patient would come back to bite me. I should never have--"
"Shut up! This isn't about you, and it isn't because of you. And you had no right to tell Shane who she could and couldn't date, anyway. I haven't seen her in about a week and a half. I'm training out of state for a job. I've been away from my phone since Monday, and I just got back to it now."
"She isn't…with you? I assumed…"
"Well, you know what they say, Susan. I'm coming back early if I can manage it. See if I can do something to help find her. Thanks for calling me. I know your intentions weren't the best when you did, but ultimately, it worked out. I may not have found out otherwise, at least until… much later."
He hung up before she could respond. He had to talk to Jane about cutting his training short. This was all his fault. If he had just come to the realization of just how important, how vital Shane really was to him before he left…well he never would have gone in the first place. She was his life now. His world. His future, and his whole heart. Tears stung his eyes as he dressed to meet Jane in the commissary. She'd have to be okay with this. She'd have to understand.
As he got closer to the smell of fry oil, seasonings, and sizzling meat on a griddle, aromas that usually made his stomach grumble with hunger, he had to swallow back the bile that crept up his throat. He found her seated at a small round four-top, already eating a salad. He sat across from her, startling her from whatever she was reading on her phone, and again when she looked at his expression and complexion.
"Sy, what's wrong? You look downright green!"
"Listen, Jane, I'm going to have to leave training early." She scowled at him, but he was more concerned with the putrid smells of boiled egg and onion coming off her chef salad. He had to get this over with quick before he wretched in the middle of the mess hall.
"That's a big ask, Sy. Gonna have to have a reason."
"I just got a call that my girlfriend is missing. I need to go home and help find her."
"Oh…yeah, that's…that's some reason. I'm really sorry to hear that. Any leads so far?"
"No, I just got off the phone with her useless boss and all she told me was that she hasn't been to work since Monday and can't be reached on her phone. I have my suspicions, but I wanna talk to the authorities."
"Okay, well. Maybe when things calm down at home, we can set you up with some online courses like we do for our assets who need refreshers, but are on assignment. I'll approve that for you."
"Thanks," he said, gratefully, "I'm also wondering if the company has any…transportation solutions for me…of an immediate nature?"
"Man, what were your letters to Santa like as a child?"
"Oh, you know, a little red wagon, end of poverty, world peace…that kind of stuff." he grinned his most charming grin.
"Why am I not surprised? Okay, but you have to return the favor somehow, Sy."
"How about, one assignments of your choosing, no questions asked?"
"Hmmm, what about five assignments?"
"Three?" he countered.
"Done." they shook hands across the table. "I would have settled at two." she smirked.
"I would have done ten." he winked at her as he turned to retrieve his belongings from his bunk and locker. He had a plane…or perhaps a chopper to catch.
Up Next: Chapter 14: No Call No Show
#Sand Castle#netflix sand castle#captain syverson#captain syverson fanfic#henry cavill#henry cavill fanfic#sigh for sy
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I’ve seen that Disney post a couple times. I admit that I did laugh the first time, but the second time, I decided to actually check out your blog and then I was stuck scrolling for probably over an hour. Then I hit the follow button. Now I check your blog at least once a day. I’m so intrigued by you! I love the perspective you have on things, and I also appreciate your humor! I’m sure mostly negative things have come from that post, but one positive is that I found you! I’m kinda skeptical on the topic of you being real or not, but either way, I think you’re pretty great (I mean there is the whole eating people thing but tbh there’s some people who make the world better with their absence)
Not at all. I’ve gained 5000 followers since that post. I don’t check the notes, nor do I care what anyone is saying. The proof and the truth is there, should they choose to do as you did and stay. I don’t care about the others.
I am too old to care.
To me, it has been most obviously positive.
I have noticed a profound difference between how you interpret data (by you, I mean your generation of humans) and how I do. Anonymous trolls do not trouble me. They are annoying, pesky, like flies, but nothing more than that. I will outlive them. I find the phenomenon interesting. I find all aberration interesting. I find the deviation from the patterns I know fascinating.
For me, a net gain of 5k test subjects (though mostly silent) is positive. So I have to roll my eyes at a few trolls. So what? Who cares? You all get a bingo game and I get more data. I don’t much mind.
I feel sorry for them actually, because there’s much we could likely learn from each other, but it will never happen, due to their odious personalities.
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i need advice, i am a pretty sporadic writer (i was in your fic exchange last fall, under the name ithehellisbucky, its my side blog) i write every day for a week and pump out three stories, and then i get 4 notes total and go radio silent for 5 months. i have done this many times with between 500- 6k words per fic. i never got any recognition, and as much as i didnt want to pressure anyone into anything my main reason for writing is to create a world to feel safe in, and when no one joins you in your world, you feel really lonely. i have pretty bad mental health issues, so i often switch from fandom to fandom (but i loop back around a bunch and am very committed) and i am in need of reassurance. im gonna finish up a request i got a while ago, and then im gonna go work on a series i wrote the first part of. so, my questions are:
should i publish under my main blog with a large following that i dont really want to be the same as my writing, or should i go back to my highly refined side writing blog that gave me 0 notes for 5000 words and 30 followers
how can i help myself write
how can i write better
and how can i grow my following
sorry for the intensity, i just need to ask someone :)
hi again! don’t feel bad, i totally understand needing someone to talk to 💕 i think the best way for me to answer is to just tackle your questions, i’ll do that first
i’ve gotten a similar question before, so i’ll also link that if you want to take a look :)
although i prefer a sideblog specifically for my xreader fics, i can understand why it’s not always the best idea. it’s kinda hard to get to know your mutuals, and replying to comments is always a bit awkward if the person doesn’t know your main blog. what you could do is post the fic to your sideblog and then reblog it to your main, that’s what i did for my first couple fics. this way if anyone follows your main and they also read the type of fic you’re posting to your sideblog, they might drop in and follow it if they already follow your other blog. or, you could make an entirely new blog and start completely fresh.
i would say the best way to get myself to write is to find like random prompt list on here and write from that. sometimes when i see people reblog prompt lists i’ll skim over them and i’ll be like “oh that prompt might work with bucky,” so if there’s a prompt that catches your eye just write it!
i’ve found that getting more comfortable writing allows me to both write more and improve my writing skills. i’m definitely not the person to talk to about time management though, i’ve been telling myself i need to take a break from writing since last october and i still sit down to try to write nearly every day like a monkey dancing for spare change at a carnival
as far as growing your following, the only thing i can think of is time. if your fics aren’t getting any notes, check to see if they made it into the tags immediately after you post, because tumblr has a notorious habit of not putting fics in the tags, and that stacks the system against new writers big time. other than that, events are a good way to get your name out :) i’m still running exchanges, but i’m doing them through tumblr rather than ao3 now because it’s a lot easier for everyone, and there’s just more people on here. also writing challenges are great, because those are normally done for high follower counts, so when the challenge runner reblogs your fic, more people will see it. you could also do one of those posts that’s like “i’m looking for mutuals” and then tag all the characters you write in the tags so people can find you!
also, another thing i discovered is that people don’t necessarily want 5k+ word fics. i’ve found that anywhere from 1k to 2.5k is a nice sweetspot for my writing. don’t freak out about your writing being too short, and as long as you like what you put out, other people will too.
also finding other writers who are in the same boat as you helps so much! a lot of tumblr (whether people want to admit it or not) is give and take, so if you find some people and you all reblog and hype each other up, it just benefits everyone :)
i hope this helped! if you have other questions i’m here 💕
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hi- I’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask, but I wanted to know how to start a fanfic writing tumblr- I mean, I’m just not sure how to start since I’ve never posted anything on my account- I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience-
Don’t worry about it. I’m a little offended that you would think you’re coming to the wrong place 😂.
Imma break it down for you.
BTW this post is long bc I wanted to cover all bases
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First of all, if you’re on tumblr mobile, then that’s fantastic and we’ll start with that first. If you’re on desktop, I would like to suggest getting it on your phone because it’s more accessible and easier to manage than doing it on the computer. The only time I go to the computer is when I’m going to post fics, but we’ll get there.
I know you said you’re wondering how to start posting fics but I gotta give you some advice before that. Because there are just some things I cannot stand when it comes to some fanfic blogs, alright?
Be easy on your color scheme. I wouldn’t put any bright colors because it could hurt someone’s eyes, and sometimes it looks really bad. Going along with that, you should be careful what your second color is on your blog (let’s say that your base color was a maroon, and then you’d choose a color similar to that/darker than that. It’ll be hard to read the things in your bio, and it’s frustrating)
This is obvious, but make sure you have a profile and header picture, it’s more appealing rather than tumblrs default.
Turn ON asks and then proceed to do it for anonymous questions, because that’s the only way you get requests. Some people do it off anon but that’s not as common.
You can do this on desktop and a safari browser. It’s not possible to do on mobile just yet. Open up safari > log in > little person icon in the top right > edit appearance. Scroll until you see “let people as questions” turn that on. Turn on anon, and edit the box to whatever you want. Keep it short
Turn off “share posts you like” and the following one below it. It’s a risky game to play when it comes to what you’re looking at and liking.
No submission posts, normally people don’t submit things anyway. Turn OFF “on blog advertising” and then that’s it. It automatically saves so you can just leave to the next screen imma bout to tell you about
IF you go to my blog on desktop, you’ll see that there’s a theme. My font is different, I have a different set up than most blogs, etc.
If you wanna mess around with that, scroll to the top of page (you should still be on the same page from the anon instructions) and tap “edit theme”
It might take a second to load, but you’ll get there.
THIS SCREEN IS VERY IMPORTANT.
Besides the fact that it lets you edit your theme, this is how you put in a Masterlist, and all other links you might want in your bio.
You said you haven’t written anything yet, so there isn’t a need for a Masterlist just yet. But when you DO start posting, please come back to me and I’ll let you know how to put one in your bio, okay? Nice and shiny for your future followers.
If you wanna change your theme go to browse themes, change it from “all themes” to “free themes”. If you like mine, it’s called “Accesible”. If you just want the font, get out of the theme screen and scroll the screen on the left. Turn ON “open dyslexic
Remember, you can do all of this on desktop too, it doesn’t have to be on safari
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Now onto posting, I have some opinions that might offend my mutuals (oopsie)
I can’t tell the difference, but PERSONALLY, I think posting fics on tumblr from my phone is gross. But that’s also because I’m writing 1000+ words normally and it gets difficult to post
If you want to post fics with more than 100 paragraphs, then you have to go to desktop or maybe safari tumblr (I don’t post from safari tumblr so idk if it works) because tumblr says NO paragraphs after 100 on mobile. There is no restriction on computer
I write in Google Docs, because it’s neater and I’ve discovered some hate for Word after deleting some of the shit I wrote over and over. Plus it’s an app, and you can open it up on computer. Easy to use.
If you use Notes on your phone, or type directly onto a tumblr post, then that’s fine but you don’t know your word count and it’s a little difficult to navigate.
When it comes to formatting, I used to have it be really long. But I’ve narrowed it down to 3, sometimes 4 things.
Summary: this is where I put the request so the anon/person knows that it’s their request. (I copy n paste the entire request in the summary part, I don’t answer asks (requests) anymore because it’s easier to answer them after I posted).
Warnings: my permanent is swearing, and then I add on (what type) violence, murder, suic*de, gore, etc DEPENDING ON THE REQUEST
Word count: and I do this because I write long imagines sometimes and some people don’t want to sit through 5k words of boring shit
And the optional—Note: I put this if I thank someone for their patience on the request, if I say happy holidays or some shit like that. I don’t have notes on every post anymore because they just turn out being the same every time
Apart from that, give it a title (make it unique but not too long!) who it’s for and then copy and paste the fic in
I’m using my own posts as an example right here, okay. But I have the summary and all of that bolder because it’s easier to see, and I want it to be different from the actual post. Most fanfic writers do this.
I also put 2 —‘s between the authors note at the top and the fic to also make a difference there
Don’t have the entire fic italicized, it takes away the special part of italicizing a word
Finally, it’s tagging.
I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT tag things that have nothing to do with the post. It’s my biggest pet peeve and it’s because I can’t comprehend why people tag (for example) Katrina Stuart when it’s a fic OR A RANDOM POST about someone else
Instead, let’s keep it simple.
🌸 STOP 🌸
I forgot to mention this. But choose your username wisely. You can change it later on, but it’s a goddamn pain in the ass when you have 50+ fanfics you wrote and your Masterlist is nice and clean only to realize that you have to RELINK every post individually
Listen, I changed my username on my old blog, and it took me 8 hours ROUGHLY to relink and fix every individual Masterlist. I had to create new masterlists, with so many tabs open to fix it
Instead, change it before you start fics
If you wanna be a colby brock blog, I have a canon url (which means that it’s so fucking GOOD and I’m angry that i realized it was open only a month ago rather than when I created this account) and it’s colbysbrocks (it’s a plural canon url). And I have colbysecrets too. If you don’t like either of those, I have a couple of other ideas that I wrote down if you want them
🌸 okay continue 🌸
This is how you should tag:
(I’ll give an example after this)
Your username first, the person it’s about, the fandom (if it’s not Colby brock, then something like marvel, etc). Then the persons name, imagine, fanfic, x reader, and oneshot. Then if it was requested
EXAMPLE ONE:
Azurebrock, Colby brock, Colby brock imagine, Colby brock fanfic, Colby brock x reader, Colby brock oneshot, requested
Simple, right? You can even use this method for Wattpad too.
EXAMPLE TWO:
(This is Star Wars, im using my own username again)
Kylorenlovesyou, Kylo ren, Ben solo, kylo ren imagine, kylo ren fanfic, kylo ren x reader, kylo ren oneshot, Ben solo imagine, Ben solo fanfic, Ben solo x reader, Ben solo oneshot, Star Wars
Notice that I tagged both of his names. I do this because it draws more people in, and more people will be attracted to it (however, in the Star Wars fandom there’s a difference between Ben Solo and Kylo-Ren, so you would have to specify in the title Ex. Resistance (Ben Solo) or Struggle (Kylo-Ren). It would depend on which persona you’re using
This works for a couple of fandoms, like twilight and shit like that
EXAMPLE THREE:
(Final one, I just wanted to cover this base just in case)
If it’s a request for more than one person. Let’s say Colby Brock and Sam Golbach (like a Polyamorous relationship, if it’s just about a bunch of people, tag the people in it and don’t put the imagine, fanfic, x reader, oneshot after any of them, it doesn’t apply)
If it’s a poly relationship (or maybe more) then do everything you normally do for one person, and then just add on the second;
Azurebrock, Colby brock, Sam Golbach, Colby brock imagine, Sam Golbach imagine, etc
If you’re on desktop, I would suggest putting in a Read More (this goes BEFORE your fic but after the authors note, below the 2 —‘s). The way you do that is press enter, and hover over the new break in the fic.
Off to the right you’ll see a . . . Click that and then you have the read more. I would only suggest using this if there’s more than 500 words, so that if the fic is super long, it doesn’t take up the entire dash for the follower (it takes forever to scroll and it’s annoying
If you’re on mobile, it isn’t possible. Just post and you can go back and edit later if you have a computer
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I’ve just been thinking--it’s about time I make a proper index for my TAZ fics, huh? Also contains: mini-series, ficlets, goof posts, and lyric comics.
(All of the fics are rated G, or T at most for McElroy-appropriate language.)
FICS
I Saw Seven Bounties | Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends, Complete | Mostly lighthearted, episodic recounting of Kravitz and Barry’s rivalry throughout those first twelve years on Faerun. 24K.
-->Extras: Lich Eyes, Fantasy Starbucks, Alt POV for Chapter 1 & Chapter 5, Sorry
They Say Fire Took Phandalin | Small-town supernatural/sorta-haunted-house AU | Fresh out of grad school, Barry Bluejeans takes a job and a house in the rural nowhere-town of Phandalin. And it’s not like he thought fitting in would be a walk in the park, but the people there all act really weird, and it’s almost like they’re expecting something of him, too. 11K/~20K.
What Can’t Be Done Alone (Detective Squad) | Canon Divergent, Found Family, Fluff | AU where the voidfish works a little better, and Angus never finds the Bureau. Instead, he finds a strange lich in a cave, and he most certainly continues to work this case and not gradually get adopted instead. 18K/~22K.
-->Extras: Drangus AU Oneshot
If I Wanted to be Funny I’d Name This Fic “The Time Belt” | Futuristic sci-fi AU feat. time travel | Taako meets the only people in years who recognize the Institute’s name. Known time criminal Barry Bluejeans continues to evade law enforcement. 2K/??.
Overgrowth / Undercurrent | Roleswap AU, Johnchurch, Pining, Twoshot, Happy ending optional | Overgrowth is a oneshot that follows John, the Starblaster’s chief diplomat, through a series of parleys with Merle, the center of the plane-consuming mass of plants that’s been chasing his crew. Undercurrent is a sequel about their post-canon reunion. 4K + 6K.
--> Extras: PLAYLIST by @merle-casts-zone-of-truth
Davenport Remembers | Post-canon, Oneshot | Davenport meets with his crew members to try to reconcile his anger with Lucretia, or to decide whether he should. 1.5K.
MINI-SERIES
AU Where Taako is a Lich - Pretty much what it says on the tin here, folks!
Baritz (ask series) - A fusion of Barry and Kravitz, who took over my blog and answered asks for a while. (He originated in the Gallows/S&S lyric comic.)
Good Adventures (Good Omens crossover) - The Antichrist’s wishes summon the wrong boatful of aliens. Thankfully, it seems they’re apocalypse experts. [with plot-ideas help from @avijohann.]
Omen Zone (Good Omens crossover 2) - Barry is a demon. Kravitz is an angel. Kravitz probably won’t ever admit that they’re friends.
Pokémon: Century Version (Pokémon crossover) - Stolen Century AU where they’re all pokémon trainers. Faerun spin-off: Double Trouble
Till Death, Don’t Let’s Start - Barry fucks up. Kravitz is present.
Very Normal Blog Posts (ask series) - In which Garfield is not at all dangerous, and I am perfectly fine. <alt: chronological link - desktop only>
COMICS & ART
Gallows/Steady and Stronger (Double lyric comic) - Canon-divergent AU where, as the world is ending, Barry gives up to Kravitz. [Image description version]
[Lyric Comics] - Other, shorter lyric comics based on single verses of songs.
Dear Scientist’s Log (series) - Illustrated ship logs from Barry J. Bluejeans.
Movie Madness (Comic) - Barry obsesses over the unforgivable.
Palette Prompts (Arts) - Art from art meme prompts.
Pregananant (goof comic) - You know the one.
REAPER (Comic) - Baritz fuses with Lup.
These Jeans? (Animatic) - Barry advertises jeans.
They’re Both Tessa Thompson (Comic) - Lucretia has a nightmare. Barry reassures her.
War (Goof comic) - prompt: "taakitz with CAT”
What’s bigger than this? - The Red Robe.
FICLETS
Back Soon - Kravitz leaves a note with unfortunate wording.
Bodyswap: Barry & Davenport - During Wonderland.
Casual - AU where the red robe talks like a normal person.
Command - Barry misuses his magic.
Davenport - There’s something unsettling about that butler.
Hangin’ Out - Lup and Magnus.
Harvest - Roleswap AU: Barry is the Hunger.
Healing Necromancy - Merle tries to teach Barry some tricks.
Hope - Barry knows she’s still out there.
How Long? - Taako is frustrated.
In Pieces - The staff.
Liches Forget Too - AU.
Lucretia Forgets - In which there was a mistake with the voidfish ichor.
Lup’s Robe - Gifts from Taako.
Mourning Glories - The flowers in Merle’s beard.
New Years - Celebrations and fears.
Parole - Barry and Kravitz bonding hours.
Phone a Friend - Baritz (the fusion from Gallows/S&S) meets Angus.
Raising the Dead - Barry has to use his crew members’ corpses. [sequel]
Robbie...? - Magnus breaks into the brig immediately after Petals to the Metal.
Second Apocalypse - Based on that one party liveshow. What was the rest of the crew doing, again?
3 Sentence Fics - Pairing + AU prompts.
Smartstone - Lup gets stuck in a Stone of Far Speech, instead.
Stir Crazy - Barry waiting for a new body to grow. Thoughts of Lucretia.
Writing Things Down - In case you forget (again).
You Remember - Taako remembers.
PROMINENT GOOFS
Barry’s Dead - But he’s fine! Calm down!
Character Development - Joke’s on you, DM!
Crystal Kingdom - An absolutely bonkers arc.
Dealer - Merle pun.
Decapitate Me - for making this post
Don’t Care - Taako during the finale. [bonus]
Epilogue - Bracer struggles. [bonus: 1, 2]
Explain the Hunger (Good Omens crossover) - Magnus explains the hunger to Aziraphale and Crowley. They react in varying ways. [with cursed art contributions from @avijohann and @mspainttaz]
Fifteen Dollars - Plus interest. [Bonus]
Fullmetal Kingdom - They’re the same, right?
Gender - And lack of roles.
Gnomes Don’t Exist - They’re all aliens, actually.
Hot Diggity Shit - Been a while.
Icon Confusion - The saga of people thinking my icon is a carrot. [chrono link - desktop only]
Incomprehensible Denim - Jeff Angel’s illegal pants.
In Case it Changes Anything - Taako, Kravitz, and lies.
Irresponsible Teens - Magnus and Lucretia get into trouble.
I Saw Seven Nerds - That’s the post.
Gogurt - Taako’s crimes.
Learning to Drive - i.e. Barry & Davenport Bonding(?) Hours.
Live Shows - The general mood.
Lucretia’s Efforts - A proper meme? On my TAZ blog?
Lup Said No Thanks - That time Magnus was in a tree.
Magnus’ Death - So many close calls.
Nearest Middle-Aged Woman - Clint’s characters’ friends.
Necromancy? - You must be mistaken!
Ned’s Aliases - The Truth.
Pirate Debt - Davenport during that one liveshow.
Punch Squad - SQUAD!
Reaper Cloak - Thoughts.
Relic Names - She probably changed them.
Responsible Necromancy - Good and bad ideas.
Resume - It’s not like they thought it would be relevant.
Schools of Magic - And the Sash was what, again?
Self Care - Respect the dead, please.
Server Shenaniganry (art) - TAAKO THE CAT, NO!
Soulmate AU - Where your soulmate’s greatest enemy is on your wrist. [alt]
Stern’s Truth - You Know.
Taako’s Last Name - Taako’s last name.
Team Composition - The post where everyone wants to argue with me about what qualifies as a wizard.
Third Option - Taako saves the day.
You’re Laughing - End of Suffering Game.
THEORIES/MECHANICS/THOUGHTS
Aloof - Holes Taako refuses to fill.
Barry’s Lucky Possessee - Graphic novel theory hopes & dreams.
Catpiling - Stolen Century thought.
Davenport’s Deaths - Sucks when you always wake up driving.
Death Leaves a Mark - Stolen Century AU concept.
Everyone Else - Some people didn’t get perfect endings.
Fantasy Nonsense - lore about the word “fantasy,” as in “Jesus Fantasy Christ.”
Fragments - Magnus’ memory.
Forgiveness - Old post about the crew’s thoughts on Lucretia’s actions.
Forgot to Erase - Lucretia’s errors.
FULL TIMELINE POST - the Balance timeline.
Gauntlet - (disproven!) Theory about the final relic, from before it was confirmed in the show.
Gnome Nicknames - Thoughts on Cap’nport.
High School AU - Some old headcanons.
Home World Names - The pattern in surnames (or lack thereof) on the IPRE’s homeworld.
Hour - This isn’t a thought so much as an Actual Thing That Magnus Said before the time loops had started, which is absurd.
Idiots in Love - The IPRE’s collective braincell was lost for all of Legato. [2]
Liches, Alone - Being stuck as raw emotion for an awfully long time.
Losing Julia - And subsequent developments.
Love - What was remembered and forgotten.
Love Without Fear - Thoughts on bonds during the Stolen Century.
Memory - Barry actually shouldn’t have remembered anything.
Nickname - Memory of Lup.
Paladin Barry Theory - Converging evidence on Barry’s multiclassing.
Paradox AU - blueprint for 8th, 9th, 10th, etc. Bird AU of your choice(s). (Extra)
Phylactery Mechanics - How liches differ.
Produce Flame - Mechanics of John killing Merle.
Recklessness - THB’s actions recontextualized.
Relic Schools of Magic - They don’t have them!!!
Relicswap AU - Where all the birds get swapped out.
Seven Birds as Gods - Ask-prompt thoughts.
Staring at the Sun - The birds and their light sensitivity.
Story, Song, & Sorcery - Effects on the young population.
Sword Tornado - Magnus Mechanics. [bonus: Time Warlock]
The Good Place AU - A series of crossover thoughts.
Tree Climbing - Davenport shenanigans.
Unique Magic Types - [and combo styles]
What Killed Maureen - hint: it wasn’t Fisher.
#the adventure zone#taz balance#mine#index#there were a fair few in here that id forgotten about too!#god i hope i didnt mess up any of these links
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Nothing But A Name
A/N: i literally cannot believe this
my fic just got deleted somehow maybe i was just a dumbass but whatever
so this is a repost im sorry if you’ve already read it forgive me
Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x g!Reader
Summary/Prompt: You have a secret blog and an enthusiastic fan, but never in a million years would you think it was who it was.
Genre: Fluff, College!au
Word Count: 5k
Warnings: None
-
—Y/N POV—
I shoved my books and pens aside after carefully tucking my (finally) completed Economics assignment, still wondering if the teacher would accept it. The rain pounded down onto the dorm roof harder with each passing hour. I half-hoped we would get a day off because of too much rain.
“I’m only a day late,” I assured myself aloud. “Relax.” I wanted to sleep, I wanted to not get back up for the rest of the week. It was only Wednesday. I had three more days of classes until I could sleep until noon and not have to stay up so late. I pulled my laptop out of my bag and placed it carefully onto the desk. I checked my watch. I probably still had time for a post before I slept.
I opened my blog page, Tristful, and typed away at the keys, making a new post.
It’s raining. Really hard. Rain is always portrayed as a symbol of bad luck, isn’t it? of grief and loss? But I’ve always loved it. It’s beautiful.
It’s tiring, isn’t it? Having to wake up in the morning and do the things that you hate to do? Me? I want to draw and paint and play my music, I want to photograph everything under the sun, I want to read and I want to write. But I can’t. Like a lot of people can’t. I’m so exhausted, with living life. No one on this side of the screen seems to care much.
Loving someone taught me how to sacrifice in vain,
And loving no one taught me to love myself again.
I clicked post and leaned back in my chair, knowing that sleep would soon trap me in its hold. My eyelids were already getting heavy. I stared at the screen, a tiny bit of relief flowing through me, that I had a place to vent; a place to smile and to cry where no one would know it was me. My blog was a complete secret—not even my best friend Ziya knew.
A ping startled me: someone had sent a message. I opened the box and saw, spirit rising, that bubblegum-dimples had replied to my newest post. I smiled to myself. I had no idea who this person was (I assumed it was a she) but she had taken it up to follow me and react to whatever I did. Not in the creepy way, I mean. It was sort of cute, once I got used to it.
Aw its okay things will get better you sound like you need a hug I wish I was there! its raining here too lol
I laughed. thanks Im feeling better already
Then, as an afterthought, I added: what are you up to nowadays?
Soon I got a reply. what else? homework. it sucks being in uni and still having to do hw
ooh uni> me too what subject do you take
I take history and econ. science isn’t for me haha *shrug*
My eyebrows raised in amusement. I take economics too its such a bitch nowadays
speaking of which, I should really get back to studying sorry got to go
okay bye ttyl
I shut down my computer and collapsed onto my bed. I fumbled around for my alarm clock and set it for six the next morning. It’s already two am? I thought, horrified. Damn, I’m going to spend the entire day in bed after I turn in my assignment. My eyelids drooped.
The agonizing buzz of my phone caused my eyes to snap open, mentally screaming at whoever had the audacity to call so early and throw away my sleep. I reached over to the desk where I was sure I had kept my phone, my head still buried in my pillow. Without even looking at the caller, I answered. “Hello?”
“Sorry, Y/N, did I wake you?”
Jaehyun. Jaehyun. Why. Why?? “You sick son of a—“ I sighed, rubbing the drowsiness out of my eyes and propping myself up on my elbows. “No, of course you didn’t. What are you talking about? I’m always bright and fresh at two freaking am.”
I could almost see him wincing on the other side. “Y/N, I’m really sorry. I just needed help on the last homework question in Econ.”
“You expect me to believe that you were up until two doing homework?” I asked incredulously, this wasn’t like him at all.
“You know the professor will kick me out of class if I don’t do my work this time, too,” he whined. “You heard him.” I had heard him. Jaehyun had most consistently failed to submit his paperwork for five weeks in a row and the professor publicly humiliated him, asking him not to take Economics if he had such a low IQ that he couldn’t add two numbers.
I groaned. “Which question?”
“The last one,” he replied, sounding infinitely more cheerful. “Question 20.”
I squinted around and took my book from where I had shoved it aside, rummaging quickly through it for the answer. “Um. Option (b).”
“Why though?” I silently prayed to whoever was listening to help this boy through his troubled times.
“It’s the same exact question as one of the examples in the text.” I voice shaking as I yawned. “Look in the book, dumbass. Quit pestering me so late.”
“The textbook?” I heard shuffling sounds.
“Do you even still have your text?” I teased. “Or did you sell it for drug money?”
“Hey, I don’t do drugs,” he protested. “Oh, I found the question. Thanks.”
“Hm.” I mumbled. There was a pause. I knew he hadn’t hung up because I could hear his breathing.
“Are you okay?” he suddenly asked.
My forehead creased. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing, just…you sound sick?” Another pause. “Oh, right, you were sleeping. Never mind.”
“I’m fine. Goodnight, Jae,” I said firmly, wanting nothing more than rest.
“Yeah. Goodnight. Thanks.” Then I heard a beep. He’d hung up.
Thank you, I mentally remarked. Boy’s been pushing his limits. Jaehyun wasn’t my best friend, no, I had only met him after I started uni last year. But although we had only two classes together, something seemed to stick. My actual best friend, Ziya and Jae couldn’t stand each other. They only did to be civil. Ziya said she was sure he was some fishy guy and Jae said she was stuck-up and possessive. Neither was true. Personally, I just thought they were jealous of each other. Maybe they liked each other? Too much thinking. Shut up and go to sleep, brain.
-
—Jaehyun POV—
I hung up the phone and tossed it onto the bed. Then I got back to work, holding an eye open with one hand and furiously scribbling away into my notebook with the other. I hadn’t been lying. I was doing my homework.
Okay, maybe I procrastinated until ten pm. Okay, and maybe I was looking at my phone half the time. I was still doing my homework.
I finished the answer and literally flung my book and pen aside, throwing myself onto the bed. My hand cradled my phone and I smiled to myself, remembering the post.
Okay, so I had a blog. Nothing to be overly concerned about. A lot of people had blogs. But mine was secret. I didn’t let anyone see or even know about it. They would probably tease the heck out of me. At any rate, no one would suspect that I had a blog that looked like what it did. I didn’t want people to know that side of me. Everyone saw me as goofy and cool and as of the moment, I was okay with that scenario.
But there was that girl. The girl who posted almost every day and wrote little couplets at the end of her posts. I was sure it was a girl—if it turned out to be a guy, I would be genuinely surprised. Not that guys can’t write poems—the way the person wrote just gave me that instinctive feel. The name of her blog was Tristful and I remember the moment I first saw the blog, I had rushed to find the meaning of the word. Sad, I recalled. Melancholy. She didn’t say anything extravagant. Not many pictures of her favourite singers and actors, no out-of-this-world conspiracy theories, just a simple post about what happened in her day. Not a play-by-play description. Just a note of her mood, and the most relatable things that I’d ever read. Her little couplets were awesome, too. That took effort. Not many people had the patience to think up a new couplet each time they posted something.
She had posted just a few minutes ago. And like the loyal follower (some people might call me a stalker, I swear I’m not) I was, I immediately liked it and replied. It was apparently raining over there, wherever she was. It was raining even harder over here. But today’s post was a lamentation about how she had to live life in a way she didn’t want to. I couldn’t agree more. I was learning history and economics but I wanted to sing and dance and perform. It was frustrating. I felt like everyone was slipping into a boring monotonous life that our ancestors set the blueprints for, and people like tristful19 tried to pull us out and make us see that we could, hypothetically, do what we wanted.
I would never admit it to myself, but I liked her. Even if it wasn’t a her. She made me feel like I wasn’t alone. It seemed weird, but I had developed a sort of crush on her, whoever she was. She must be somewhere far away, possibly millions of miles, and most likely saw me as another girl. But even so, my heart always felt warm when she replied.
I was still smiling to myself as I drifted off to sleep.
-
—Y/N POV—
I entered my Economics class, assignment in hand to see Jaehyun staring off into space with a dreamy look in his eyes, smiling to himself. That’s odd, I thought. He looks like a lovesick puppy. “Yah!” I said, flicking him in the forehead. He snapped back to where I was from wherever he had been, frowning. “You look like you’re in love, what’s up?”
A faint red tinged his cheeks. Was he actually blushing? “Nothing,” he said uncertainly, trying to play it cool. “What are you talking about?”
“Your ears are red, Jae.”
He immediately covered them. “No, they’re not.”
Cut the crap, Jae. “Is it Ziya?” I deadpanned. His mouth fell open.
“What?!”
I shrugged. “Is it Ziya?”
“Why would you think that I’m in love with Ziya?” he retorted. “I don’t even like her.”
“Well, I mean, both of you are always fighting and teasing each other.” I seated myself in the chair behind him. “I don’t know, I was just asking. Seemed to me like the textbook definition of a schoolboy crush.”
“Well, Y/N, if you haven’t noticed, I’m not a schoolboy,” he hissed. “Don’t know why—“ Just then the professor walked in. The class fell silent. Jaehyun turned around after giving me one last nasty look.
We both managed to get through Economics without much incident. I turned in my paper and the professor was satisfied with the homework that Jae submitted for the first time that semester. The only chink in the glass was that he gave back some tests that he finally graded. I walked through the halls to my next class, a C- printed in bold letters on the paper dangling from my hand.
“Hey, at least you didn’t fail,” Jaehyun mumbled as he trotted beside me, crumpling up his test sheet and tossing it into a nearby trash can.
“Hey, Y/N!” I didn’t need to look at Jae’s scowl to know that it was Ziya.
“Athletes are called to the field at nine-thirty,” she panted as she jogged up to us. I groaned. “It’s on the notice board. Get going. You know how the coach goes hard on latecomers better than anyone. I’ll get your notes for this period.”
I handed her my bag, but Jae snatched it away from me, frowning at Ziya. “Jae—?”
“You don’t even take English,” he snapped at her. “How would you take her notes? I’ll take them,” he said, turning to me, “I don’t take my own anyway. Wait up after practice, okay? I’ll buy you lunch.”
“Oh, really? Thanks, Jae,” I replied, confused but smiling sweetly at him. What a nice change. “Stay in love, it’s doing you wonders.” As I sprinted down the hall, I could hear the two of them bickering. I shook my head. Those two would never get along, would they?
Was he in love? I pursed my lips. Wouldn’t he tell me at least, if he was? I wonder who it is…. I shook myself. Are you being jealous, Y/N? No. I’m only mad that he didn’t say anything before. Lies. You’re jealous, aren’t you? NO! I’M NOT! STOP IT!
-
—Jaehyun POV—
“You’re being pretty generous today.” The voice made me roll my eyes and turn around. Ziya. Of course.
“What are you doing here?” I shot back. “Won’t you give me a moment’s peace?” She held her hands up in surrender. I leant back against the brick wall of the building that bordered the playing field. I was waiting for Y/N to come out so we could get lunch, but look who decided to ruin my day.
“I’m not here to see you or Y/N, if that makes you feel better,” she answered.
“Then why are you here?” I asked. I had become curious, even if I didn’t want to admit it.
She shrugged. “None of your business. You’re waiting for Y/N, aren’t you? There she is.” I turned towards the field and saw her exiting the fenced boundaries, but she wasn’t alone. With a twinge of irritation, I registered the lean form of Taeyong, captain of the soccer team. I waved at Y/N, but she didn’t seem to notice me. They were close enough, talking animatedly, and then closer and closer, and then….they completely passed by, not even bothering to spare me a glance. What the heck?
“What is he doing with her?” I muttered angrily, jealously surging up within me, an insatiable urge to rip Taeyong limb from limb.
“Give it a rest, Jaehyun.” ZIya’s voice floated to my ears, temporarily removing me from my thoughts of putting a bullet through Taeyong’s head. “You’re doing the same thing.”
“What thing?” I responded shortly, still iffed at being ignored.
“You’re mad at Taeyong.”
Of course I’m mad at Taeyong—“What? Why would I be mad at him?” Look at him, trying to chat her up like….Jesus, I need to warn her about him—
She snapped her fingers in front of my face, bringing my attention back to her. “Same reason that you don’t like me.” I looked at her; the undertones in her voice had not gone unnoticed. “You’re so possessive of Y/N. You don’t want anyone else but yourself with her.”
Her expression seemed so forlorn that I felt bad. “Ziya, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—“ She stopped me.
“It’s okay.” She smiled. “I won’t deny that I tried hard to get her away from you, too.”
I nodded. “Oh, these are her notes. Give them to her, will you?”
The awkward silence fell. I let out a breathy chuckle when I remembered what happened in Economics. “Did you know that Y/N thought I liked you because we’re always arguing?”
She cracked a small smile. “Yeah, she’s mentioned it a couple times, but you’re not really my type much. No offense.” She brushed her hair aside. “Besides, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say Y/N is the one you have a crush on. You act like it.” Her face lit up, evidently having seen something behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Taeil, one of our seniors walk over. “See you around, Jaehyun.” With a dazzling smile, she linked arms with him and the two walked off.
I was confused. I act like I have a crush on Y/N? Impossible. I don’t like her that way, do I? Is that how people see us?
The rest of the day passed in a daze. I didn’t have any more classes with Y/N, but my thoughts were on her. I won’t deny that I’ve imagined it. What it would be like as her boyfriend. But she’s made it pretty clear that I’m friendzoned! Hasn’t she been trying to set me up with Ziya? That must mean she doesn’t see me that way, right?
-
After scrawling down a few sentences to pass off as an essay for tomorrow’s English class, I lay sprawled across my bed, absently thumbing through my phone. A post in particular caught my eye. tristful19 back at it, huh?
Well, today was a better day! I won’t name names (duh) but one of my friends was pretty nice to me…I wonder if he likes anyone. I won’t deny that I might like him—I did have a tiny crush on him sometime last year….I think I’m not over it yet. He’s attractive, I’ll give him that.
Sometimes I wonder, is it the trail of a dove?
the perfume of a flower? or a hint of love?
Well. If that didn’t make me feel worse, then I don’t know what did. I knew I was being silly, getting upset at the newfound lovelife of a blogger who could be anywhere (as if I even had a chance), but it did. I was disappointed, but still, happy for her in a way. My mind was preoccupied, Ziya’s words ringing in my head. What am I feeling right now? I’m not jealous of Taeyong, am I? Why should I be?
“I like Y/N as a friend,” I said aloud.
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, buddy.”
I shot up in bed, head hitting the edge of my desk. Eyes watering in pain, I managed to spit out, “What the hell are you doing here?”
Mark, a classmate of mine from the room across the hall, waltzed into the room as I swung my legs over the edge of the mattress, rubbing my head.
“Bro, chill, I just needed at clean towel.” He flitted to the wardrobe, knowing where everything was already. “It’s Johnny’s turn to do the laundry and the idiot forgot.” I stood up, arms crossed. “Hey, don’t lend Johnny anything, okay? He needs to learn a lesson.”
“What—what were you saying about Y/N?” I tried to make it sound as if I was only asking casually, but Mark saw right through it. He peeked out from behind the wardrobe door and flashed me a sly smile. My face flushed. I could feel my ears turning red again.
“Dude, you clearly don’t see her as just a friend,” he began, still rummaging through my clothes. “It’s so obvious.”
“What’s obvious?”
“From the way you look at her. It’s obvious that you like her. Everyone thinks so. Even Taeyong came to ask me whether you two were dating or not.”
Fury rose in me. “Taeyong? Why?”
“I think he’s going to ask her out. I don’t know.”
It was like a slap to the face. “What?! And what did you say?”
“I told him you weren’t.” He found a towel and tossed it over his shoulder. “Why are you upset? I thought you only saw her as a friend.”
“Mark…” I growled.
“Bro, you’re in denial. Suck it up and go ask her out.” With a final toss of his head and a smirk, he let himself out the door. What the heck, Mark. You can’t just say stuff like that and then leave.
I took my phone and rapidly typed away, creating a new post.
How do you know whether someone likes you is a question that Google has seen too often. But how do you know whether you like someone? My heart isn’t answering that question.
-
—Y/N POV—
I went to class the next day, feeling a little subdued, for two reasons. One was the fact that bubblegun-dimples hadn’t replied to my post and I felt silly for feeling so attached to them. The second was the conversation I had with Taeyong the previous day.
Once he had walked me to the mess hall near my dorm, I’d paused because I felt that he had chatted all this way to say something important. I wasn’t wrong.
“Y/N, I know this might sound a little forward, but…” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “w-would you want to go out with me sometime?”
Oh. Oh. “I…I don’t really know, Tae, it’s—“
“Is it Jaehyun?” He interrupted abruptly. My jaw dropped.
“J-Jaehyun?” I stammered. “Oh, you know him?”
“Yeah.” Taeyong shrugged. “Best shooting guard on the basketball team I’ve ever seen.” After a pause, he repeated his question. “Is it because of Jaehyun? You guys are together or something?”
“What?” I yelped. “No. We’re not together. I just….” I trailed off. “Where did you hear that we were together?”
He gave a non-committal jerk of the head. “It’s not very subtle, is it? It’s obvious from the way he acts that he’s whipped for you.”
I didn’t know what to say. “Tae, maybe you’re mistaken. We’re not dating. And I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel that way about you.” I grimaced apologetically. “Sorry. I’ll think about it.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he assured, putting on a smile. “Good luck for your track events next month!” He flashed me a thumbs-up and ducked under the door of the mess hall.
Coming back to the present, I sat down next to Jaehyun for English class, Taeyong’s words echoing in my ears. Is it Jaehyun? It’s obvious from the way he acts that he’s whipped for you…
I glanced sideways at Jaehyun, who seemed distant as well. I drew my courage. Dude, it’s just Jae! Your best guy friend, come on! I nudged him with my elbow. He winced.
“Something wrong?” I asked. He shook his head, his dark locks falling onto his forehead. I pressed further. “She broke up with you?” He scoffed at me.
“No, she likes someone else.”
Oh, the poor kid. “Aw, tough luck, buddy. Things will be alright in the end.” I patted his back sympathetically.
-
—Jaehyun POV—
I didn’t know how I was still sitting there with her. For all I knew, she was Taeyong’s new girlfriend and I had totally blown my chance with her. Did I like her? I guess so. What else could explain what I felt?
“Jaehyun-ssi, if you could please read your essay, we could proceed with the class.” The professor’s sharp tone brought me out of my reverie. I glanced regretfully at the few sentences I’d scribbled in my notebook. I sighed.
“I didn’t do it, ma’am.”
The professor pursed her lips. “I thought so. Y/N, please read yours.”
She stood up, the hem of her shawl brushing against my face, setting my insides on fire. What is even happening to me?? I tried my hardest to focus on what she was saying, knowing nothing other than the theme was on the forsaken lovers, Romeo and Juliet. But the sweet lilt of her voice was making it too hard for me to understand what the words were. I was only picturing the mesmerizing movements of her lips. But then she was ending the essay.
“The taste of his lips, the touch of his skin, gave her the feeling of something akin
and she wondered, is it the trail of a dove? the perfume of a flower? or a hint of love?”
My blood froze. The first thing I thought was, she stole that. The second was, Y/N wouldn’t steal. That means…
The class burst into applause and I joined in, two seconds too late. She sat down, face blushing in pleasure.
I leaned over to her and snatched her notebook away from her. Skimming the neat print, my heart jumped into my throat. “You wrote this yourself?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
I pointed to the couplet. “Even this?”
“Of course. What do you take me for? A thief?”
So it’s her? She’s tristful19? How? What—My eyes ran down her writing again and it struck me. When she talked, it wasn’t as noticeable, but….her writing style is so similar.
I handed the book back to her wordlessly. She tucked it into her bag.
“What did Taeyong say yesterday?” I suddenly questioned.
She glanced over at me in surprise. “Oh. He was…asking me out.”
“And what did you say?” I continued more forcefully.
“I told him I would think about it.”
“Don’t.”
Her eyebrows disappeared into her windswept hair. “Why?”
“He’s not right for you.” My palms were sweating. My heart was pounding. Jae, what have you done now?
“What are you talking about, Jae?” she finally snapped, losing her cool. “If you have something to say, say it instead of beating around the bush.”
I stared at her, eyes digging deeper and deeper into hers, absorbing the beautiful color. I remembered the post the night before and my heart sank. So she does like Taeyong. You’ve got no chance, Jae.
I sat straight. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
-
I avoided her the rest of the day, mind too far gone to have any peace.
A ding from my phone later that night told me, by instinct, that there was a new post from her. Can you believe it? She’s tristful19? I opened the post.
It’s so frustrating! For the longest time, I’ve had a crush on one of my closest friends and since the past week, people are telling me that he likes me, too. I even turned down a guy on a date yesterday for him! And today, in English class? He was so close. Staring at me the whole time. I searched his eyes but I can’t tell….I was so sure that he was going to tell me that he likes me, but…*sigh*. I’m waiting so long for him to say it first, but I guess I might have to take charge now.
Oh, how I wish for a world in black and white
no grey, no confusion; just what’s wrong and what’s right.
My heart began to pound. I read the text again and again. English class? ….one of my closest friends…turned down a guy….
“Me,” I whispered, unable to believe it. “She was talking about me.” My fingers hovered over my keypad uncertainly.
maybe he doesn’t know that you like him
The reply was almost instantaneous. not for long
My heart clenched. if he knows, what would you want him to do?
I waited for her response, heartbeat rising in tempo. My phone dinged. run to my door right now, in the dead of night and say it
I couldn’t think straight anymore. I grabbed my jacket, shoved on my shoes and bolted, without even bothering to close the door.
The cold night air was sharp, it stung and woke me up like nothing else. I pulled on my denim jacket as I sprinted across the freshly cut lawns lit only by the moonlight. The wind ripped through my hair and elation filled me to the brim. I thought I would burst. The campus seemed timeless as I dashed across it, not tiring, not stopping for even a moment.
I forced my way through the door to the girls’ dorm and raced upstairs to the third floor. Within a second, I was in front of her door. I drew in a deep breath, vaguely aware that the warden had awoken. I knocked.
-
—Y/N POV—
I heard a knock at the door and I looked up from my laptop, confused. Who would be knocking at this hour? Maybe it was Lisa from down the hall. I lifted myself up, cracking my aching joints and pried open the door.
My mouth fell open. “J-Jae?”
He was gorgeous. I saw him every day, but nothing could have prepared me for this sight. He was out of breath, his firm chest heaving up and down. His hands were planted on the doorframe. His favourite denim jacket hung off one shoulder over his thin white t-shirt. He looked at me through his hooded eyes and I felt my heart contract.
I found my voice. “Jae, are you okay? What—“
“I love you.”
The rest of my sentence evaporated. “What?” I asked faintly.
He let himself inside the room and closed the door. “I. Love. You.”
Realization dawned on me. “Bubblegum-dimples? You’re—“ I was cut off by his lips.
Kissing Jaehyun was better than anything I could have imagined. The second his lips met mine, a jolt of desire ran through me. His lips were dry but I couldn’t care less. They fit against mine perfectly as if they were made for each other. His hands snaked into my hair and drew me closer to him. My arms found their way around his waist, pulling him impossibly near.
His tongue swiped against my bottom lip and I gasped, breaking the kiss.
He bumped noses. “To be fair, I didn’t know you were tristful19 until today either.” He pressed his lips against mine in a chaste kiss. I buried my face into his chest.
“Will you be my girlfriend?” he murmured beside my ear.
“Why do you even have to ask?” He stroked the side of my face. We were rudely interrupted by a brief shout from downstairs. I jumped.
“It’s the dragon,” I whispered. “You should go, it’s late.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” he asked as I opened the door and looked both ways.
I smiled, kissing him briefly. “Of course.”
He grinned, dimples on display and then disappeared into the darkness. I closed the door with a snap, leaning against it, unable to stop my giddy smile. Bliss coursed through me.
Before I slept that night, I made sure that bubblegum-dimples saw my latest post. It wasn’t much, but it told him what I wanted to say.
The sun and the moon may never meet, they hide from each other in fear—
but twice upon a time, fate draws them in; the inevitable eclipse is near.
-
fin.
#nct#nct jaehyun#jung jaehyun#nct scenarios#nct u#nct 127#nct dream#lee taeyong#mark lee#johnny seo#kpop#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#nct imagines#nct masterlist#nct fluff#secret blog#tumblr
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Do you ship SQ now?
I am so sorry I have no clue when this was sent as my ask box is awful at notifying me but I think I checked about… idk a week ago? So hopefully you haven’t been waiting too long.
There is a long and a short answer, short is yes. and i have been a multi shipper for a few years now (even tho i haven’t been on tumblr in ages prior) I even made a post about it WAY back when which you may have missed, So I will copy and paste it below (bare in mind this was written years ago when I first sort of began multi-shipping) but it still relates to this day for those who might be confused as I was a 100% CS shipper back in the day, they are still my OTP for the record!
I just started enjoying other areas of the fandom too. If you dont care for the long answer no worries I’ll leave it under the (read more) bar and just ignore it, but if you do want to know a little about my experience and feeling with all the toxicity within the f OUAT fandom back then, then go ahead and give it whirl and come back and we can chat
Hellooooo. *blows out breath* Where to begin…
I made a post months ago about fandom negativity and how over time it got to me, I’m going to copy parts of it over here and add some more, newer thoughts since that post…And hopefully if you have the patience to sit through it you’ll understand a little better by the end.
*
I am a Captain Swan shipper (along with many other ships), I have been a member of the CS family for years and have loved it, I have made so many lifelong friends that I talk to outside of tumblr daily, however, there is something I have been…struggling, for lack of a better word, with for a little while.
Negativity. Fandom negativity to be specific.
(I also want to preface this by saying I am not calling anyone out at all, people who are discussing and standing up for their characters and/or actors. People who are having debates, wording discussions in way I never could articulate so beautifully, are awesome. I enjoy these posts and reblog them often. This is not directed anyone in the slightest.)
But there has been a lot of negativity surrounding certain areas of the fandom, there is no reason to beat around the bush, I am talking about anti-sq/anti-regina stuff. I see it on my dash from a few shippers, I see it in the “OUAT Spoilers” tag and on twitter and everywhere. There is literally this dark energy everywhere. This hostile feeling, and maybe I am the only who feels it but I am just going to honest and straight up say, it got to me.
It crept up in a way I can’t even explain…
I am the biggest believer in ship and let ship, shipping is supposed to be fun! It shouldn’t matter what is canon and what’s not, it’s about enjoying characters that you think have potential. It’s about discussing it with your friends and making fanart, and just enjoying. And yet at some point during my time in the fandom something in me changed.
I let the bad apples get to me, I let the hateful people get to me and twist my views on an entire fandom. When I thought of the Swan Queen fandom all I saw was the bad, and became so bad that I’d see a gifset or anything in relation to them and feel physically ill. Like a pit in my stomach, like a uncomfortable twist every time they came up.
I realise this sounds melodramatic, I mean how can seeing a gifset actually cause such a strong reaction? Such strong negative emotions… I suppose it was the accumulation of so much anger and bitterness towards the bad apples (and also seeing my dash constantly with negativity, it is like being in a bubble) that I forgot that they aren’t a entire fandom, that I became hyper sensitive to everything surrounding SQ. It was confusing, I absolutely love ships between women, if anything 8/10 i prefer them, being a bisexual women i’ve learned take/appreciate representation where we can get it or possibly get it. [sidenote: it f* sucks that there isn’t more out there and i could rant about that for daaays] but anyways in this one show something just didn’t click originally.
I get so upset when I see posts about how the CS fandom is the most hateful fandom because there are so many amazing people who have become my family and who literally are like literal sunshine and I think to myself “How can you (sq’rs) judge a entire fandom by a handful of bad?”
But then I know what you’re now thinking… Isn’t that what you’ve been doing, Morgan? Yes, yes it is.
I don’t want to argue about which fandom has done the most wrong, or which is more guilty of hate, I just want to move forward. I want to watch the show again and have fun doing so. I want to watch OUAT and not feel annoyed every time Regina is on screen with Emma (because there is no reason for it). I want to watch OUAT with a lighter heart, like I use too back in season 3.
“I don’t know how, but I’ve simply decided to let go of all my hostile emotions, lets call it my new years resolution. At the very least I am trying to and you know what, I think I am getting somewhere good, I felt a lot better lately, my mood is up. You might have noticed a slight increase of Regina on my blog, I saw a gif of Regina looking at Emma (from 4x12) and thought “oh, you know I can see what you mean about the way she looks at her sometimes…” (tbh she looks at a lot of folks that way), it’s simply Lana’s acting. But my point is, that physical negative reaction is gone.
And I am so fucking happy about that.”
-A quote from my months old post
That feeling has only gotten better and stronger in the months ahead, I have followed a few multi shippers and begun to interact outside of my usual circles, and its going good. There are always days were anti’s irritate me but I think that is normal, overall I am happier.
I am so sorry if this feels fake to some of my friends on tumblr, who I have openly talked negatively about characters/ships with, I don’t take back my beliefs on some of their actions or our discussions, I’ve simply chosen to try and move past it. And look at it from a wider lens…
I don’t know if I have properly articulated myself during this post but I really just wanted to get this out in the open because I love and adore the CS fandom but I also want to open up a little more, I know that although I few of my friends on here wont agree with my opinions on trying to be more regina/sq friendly I am sure you’ll support me because you always have, and thats what friendship is.
HOWEVER, back to the main purpose of this swan-queeen side-blog I understand and acknowledge that this is my change, and my choice. A lot of people don’t have to follow me in it and don’t want it on their dash, I have a little under 5k on my main and I know that they followed for a specific set of content. With that in mind I am putting this kind of content on a separate platform, if you want to join me I’d love that, if not I understand everyone has a right to their feelings/opinions.
Anyways I have so much more to say but I’ll stop here or you will be falling asleep, I am always here to chat and discuss things so feel free to hit up my ask/messenger/etc…
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PSA – on myself !
hi, okay, i’ve had a good night’s sleep and in my dreams and the rest of the morning, i have reflected. and, i’m gonna be honest with all of you, my habit of giving my two cents when it isn’t needed is… stupid, to say the least. i would’ve liked to think i did more good than harm ( especially when it came to my whole slave rp crusade, which i’m realising might be the only thing of value i did for this community ) but that appears to definitely not be the case. i posted an apology for some things said about a year ago though i can’t find it now with my blogs gone. i’m also assuming it was a subpar post regardless.
so, whether you like me or not, i still feel the need to apologise – so if you feel that some of the things i’ve said has had a negative affect on you or the community, then click below.
i won’t bring up everything i’ve ever said because honestly, i can’t remember it all. but i will mention some things that have been mentioned last night.
i. tw pedophilia // i’m not good at words. i’m very bad at them, actually. i have a whole lot of trouble articulating my thoughts and usually, most of the time, it comes out completely wrong. i won’t defend my pov ( like i did last night ) because it is a topic i haven’t thought of in ages and an opinion i shouldn’t have stuck with without proper reconsideration. i’m always quick to defend myself, you know? but in this political climate and the way “ minor attracted people ” ( saying that with the most sarcastic of quotations ) are attempting to be apart of the lgbt community… my previous opinion on the matter is absolutely whack. sure, i think help should be offered by therapists and psychologists and all of the professionals in the world. but my previous point was maybe not crucify people with paraphilias in general areas such as tumblr and twitter and whatever. because it will keep them from getting the help needed, but most importantly, prevent any children getting hurt if they don’t.
but that was wrong. like, completely. clearly, shaming and ridiculing and reporting is the only way to deal with those who see no wrong in their doings. my attention was always shifted towards that do and that was because of a documentary i watched sometime ago. it’s obvious the former, those who think their attraction is valid and healthy, make up the majority of these people. my point of view was skewed based on a singular source and that’s messed up. i realise now that those who know their attraction is wrong will seek help without me coddling them, and my posts would only encourage those who don’t, to be more open & proud about it. i apologise for it seeming that i was accepting pedophiles and their attraction into the community, because that was most definitely not my intention. i have no excuses for this and i will educate myself more, with recent and relevant information, before i ever try and speak on the matter again. especially on a public forum.
ii. ableism tw // i was diagnosed with autism when i was about eighteen years old. that was very late. and up until that point, i was dealing with a tons of misinformation regarding the people on the spectrum and my own shock & confusion over the diagnosis given. and though that’s not an excuse, it’s also not the reason i said what i said. if you know me, at all, you’ll know that i’m very much obsessed with being an individual and getting a rise outta people. way more back then than now. but that’s who i am. i hopped onto a trend i deemed stupid and attacked it from every angle, not quite thinking of the implication behind the words that i said.
i realise, later, that why i choose the autistic example might be because of my own issues with it. at the time. over the past two years, i’ve grown so much regarding my identity and i finally feel comfortable, and proud, in my own skin and with my autism. there used to be a time where i hid it and made comments on how ~ i was different ~ , somehow, and i can gladly say that’s not me anymore. i’m very sorry for what i said because i realise how hurtful that must’ve been to the rest of the community. me being autistic myself is no excuse and i know what kind of effect a commentary like that would have on others. especially those who were struggling with it like myself.
iii. every tw under the sun // i’m gonna be honest with y’all, once again my edginess came into play. my need to open my big fat mouth for no other reason other than i could. that post, especially given just how ignorant a lot of the community is on issues mentioned, myself included on some, is bad. it’s a bad take that is bad. and it’s quite possibly the stupidest thing i’ve ever written/read. i know so many writers who have refused to do research and me going up there and saying “ that’s okay, you can do what you want! ” … no. i still believe there’s freedom to write whatever you want, though – but to an extent. there’s a limit that shouldn’t be crossed and that’s the limit i attempted to bend in the post i made. at the time, i think, i felt entitled to have this opinion due to the minorities i’m myself included in. but that’s also a real bad take. i did see people’s point of views then but i think i failed to apologise once more. i’m bad at that, and it’s something i’m working on.
anyways, to the topic at hand. we need to make people take more responsibility in this community and although i’m getting a whole bunch thrown at me at once, at the moment, i’m a bit grateful for it. i’ve realised thanks to these things being brought back up, that i didn’t apologise and i didn’t take responsibility – and i should’ve. i said things on a public platform that actively reassured people, who should not have been reassured, of their place in this community. racism, homophobia, TRANSPHOBIA, and pedophilia, are among the things that have no place here. i fought so much against the slave roleplays and their opinion on how ~ it’s writing, freedom of speech, and yadada ~ was WRONG. yet, i turned around and wrote a post like that? it was a bad, and hypocritical, take indeed. and one i thoroughly apologise for.
vi. racism tw // once upon a time, i defended a friend’s roleplay without much knowledge other than ‘ it’s my friends, i have to ! ’ i have the lowest of iq’s, if you can’t tell. anyways. i think it was called siouxfalls, or something like that, and we found out that it was the name of a native tribe. i thought, personally as a white little bitch, that it was no big deal. who cared! ( lots of people, but i really only paid attention to the anons i got… which was… stupid ) and thus, i went out of my way to defend a friend of mine. i didn’t read the plot, i barely looked at the roleplay. i involved myself in a situation i had no clue about, and took it from there. i used a large following and a huge amount of traffic on my blog, to shit on people with genuine concern. there’s no excuse for that! i kept this up for hours, and anons swarmed to my inbox to poke fun at it, too. and i thought, hey, if anons are cool with it – that must mean i’m in the right. i wasn’t.
there came a time where the other admin of the roleplay, the one i hardly knew, leapt to their roleplay’s defence. in their, very, long post about the matter – they mentioned that, hey, we aren’t forgetting about natives! in fact! there’s gonna be a plot drop about all of those slaughtered there! and that… was yikes. i backed out of the conversation when that happened. and that also a bad decision! i should’ve stuck around, spoken to this person i actually had access to – and 1. realised my own wrongdoings for the night, and 2. used the audience i had to correct myself and draw attention to an even bigger issue. i didn’t. i let it go, hoping no one would remember. i was in a shitty position of allowing racist subtext into the community and diminishing the concern of people of color, and i sincerely apologise. i was a 15 minute of fame whore and i didn’t bother with the feelings of others. i was, in all honesty, a garbage person. and i take full responsibility for that.
v. no tw because this is more of a general statement // i am sure there are more specific things that i’ve done and that i’ve said, but with the sheer amount of garbage that came out of my mouth, i have trouble recalling anything significant. i would gladly accept receipts and reminders from everyone and anyone. i’m not asking you to coddle me, but i really do wish you’d help me take some responsibility. memory like a goldfish and like 5k posts of bullshit just don’t add up. anyways. since my latest ‘ jayden said something fucking stupid ’ discourse was about a year ago, i feel like i have grown. tumblr, for me, was a very bad place to be in many ways. i’m not saying the community is toxic but it was to me. i like attention and i like getting asks and i like putting my two cents out there. it created a whole bunch of issues and it gave me a bigger platform than i should’ve had. with my absence, which i’m also a bit grateful for, i spent more time on other social medias and i learned more about issues i never even began reading about on here.
i’m not saying i’m the brightest now, either, but i’m definitely smarter. i didn’t come back to the rpc, with the exception of one or two posts, because i don’t feel like i should have an audience to barely formed opinions. and i’m not apologising now because it was all brought up but because it being brought up reminded me of damage i’d caused. i’d be an idiot to think it should be swept under the rug, because it shouldn’t! if it weren’t from the backslash of the rpc, i never would’ve second-guessed my opinions and reevaluated them, and that’s extremely important. it’s important to hold people accountable and it’s important to make sure apologies are made. i’m not asking for anyone to forgive me, because let’s be real, this was long overdue. though, i hope this has made it clear that my opinions aren’t the same as they once were and i genuinely am apologetic for damage done.
i don’t know if any of this was remotely coherent, but i hope it was? the anon feature is back on, and hopefully instead of racist commentary, it can be used for things more constructive. once again, no need to hold my hand, but if you feel like i’ve missed out on anything that should be addressed – please let me know! like i’m not the same dimwit i was a year ago. that’d be too freaking sad. anyways, once again, i apologise for what i’ve said and many lessons have been learned. believe me.
#rpt#rph#all posts / ooc.#tag urself im my inability to write anything#without attaching a gif icon to it#tumblr ruined my ability to write sdhgskg
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