#then i noticed that person who tagged me
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so, hi!
i just wanted to say that starting this sunday i'll be blocking all empty blogs. if you don't have a icon, header and at least a couple posts on your blog you'll be soft blocked.
though my fics have a high number of notes, recently i felt like i've been writing into the void. and when that happens i always get the feeling that what i write is not even worth a comment. i'd much rather have a smaller number of notes if it means i'll have more interaction with those who read
i've asked, i begged, and nothing seems to work. this is my last try at this thing
#no one will see this so it's whatever at this point#today i got tagged in a fic rec post and i was happy#then i noticed that person who tagged me#never interacted with that fic#so i get in this space where i think i'm asking for too much#but then at the same time i just go... i just wanted to know if you liked it?#i hate to be this person you know#who needs this sort of validation from others#i hate that people only read if there's smut in it#if it's just the smut then even better#but still no interaction#i'll probably delete this these tags later#i just wanted to vent
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hey it's nanowrimo. i have tips bc i've done it about 34 times.
Don't edit. Ever. Stop it. If you just decide to start a new project half thru this one with all new characters, no problem. pick up and keep writing as if you'd already written the first half of that.
"but i spelled it wrong" whatever. "but the grammar" whatever. make it exist first. no time for sense. think like you're working on a typewriter. no backspace. only forward go.
Don't re-read further than a paragraph or two backwards. "did i mention the gun before?" listen - it doesn't matter. if you need there to be a gun there, the gun is there. put it back in once you finish the book.
"i forgot the specifics of X thing i already wrote" whatever. change it, make a note/comment to figure it out later, and just write what makes sense for the moment. "no raquel it's legit the characters name and origin" idc that character is now reborn as Claudius from Elsewhere. it's fine.
only you see your mistakes. nobody else knows. one of the ways writing and dance overlap - only you know the choreography. nobody else will know if you miss a step, so just keep dancing and pretend you meant to do it like that.
it's an illusion that you need to write linearly - from point A to point B to point C. Nah; that's just timeline propaganda. I've written a LOT of books out of order and just reordered them once i've finished. if you have a scene you'd LOVE to write but can't get there yet because of plot, just fuckin write the scene. I've always found its easier to establish "point F" "point J" and "Point A" and then wiggle my way between those scenes.
write what you WANT to write. 230 pages of smut? of well-researched discussion on bread? whatever. the point is to strengthen muscles however you can.
if you miss a day, a week, whatever. not the end of the world. we all have dry days. also time is a myth so u can do this challenge whenever u want.
as soon as you try to write for a specific audience, you kill your voice. you are writing for yourself. stop thinking about how people will take ur book. it don't matter. what matter is u, enjoying writing. i luv u.
play to your strengths. i have characters talk so much because i don't know how to write a plot if it kills me but i'm really good at dialogue so.
i love a flight of fancy. write a poem in there. shift tactics and write in code. keep it fun for yourself.
see what happens if you shift something major about ur main characters - gender, wealth, superpowers. or if you change point-of-view. or if you kill everyone in a big explosion. do NOT edit anything before this or after it. often these little weird one-off exercises teach me what interests me about what i'm working on. it is never what i thought. plus it is a fun way to add like 1k words.
stretch.
it's for fun and for practice. stop doing that project if it's giving you anxiety. once my nano was literally 50k words of half-started stories. just things i tried and tried and tried and wasn't able to flesh out. oops. but i am now 50k words of a better writer.
add dragons?
read books/listen to books on tape/etc. people often make the mistake of "buckling down" to just write. you need inspiration. you need to like. fill up on words. you need to remember how it feels to lose yourself in a story.
i don't have the time or space to really talk about this in this post but a lot of creative people turn to drugs/alcohol because it can help you be more creative. this is harmful, and walking a blade that only cuts deep. if you notice you and your loved ones are turning more to substances, please know i love you and i hope you are able to get help soon. i feel like this almost never gets mentioned because it's kind of a hazy underbelly to art. you are always more important than the work.
on that note. drink your fukin. water.
don't talk about a story until you've finished it. once you tell the story, it exists already, and isn't about discovery. i usually have a very canned "haha we'll see" response.
grapes :) tasty snack.
i love you be free.
#edit: the command not to talk about it is from personal experience!#i have heard Otherwise in the tags so i will edit to say:#if you've noticed that you tend to like Talk A Lot about ur piece but never WRITE it -#consider voice-to-text#also#u might be like me and ... need to figure it out on the PAGE and not OUT LOUD#i am often an auditory processor so i wont tell people specifics but i'll be like#huh. so i have a character who is in love .... and they don't know it#and my friend will be like ''oh they should kiss' and meanwhile#somehow#saying it out loud im like#yeah thank u ur right the dress SHOULD be purple that's what the problem has been <3#idk!!! it's up to you!!! my suggestion is to say LESS until you know for a FACT that saying MORE works better for you#-- always better to slowly unspool in ur exploration of that#than to accidentally talk too much and get Bored Of Project#idk idk idk#i have adhd so every book surprises me bc im like#wait where did any of this even COME FROM#and whatever little gremlin in my brain that writes is like :)#''heyyy girlie.......''#WHICH IS A LONG WAY TO SAY:#i didn't know about Not Talking About It as an option until i'd ruined a few projects!!#but there are people who need to do the other thing!!! and i love us both!!!!#wow brains are so funny!!!!
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Maybe controversial, but on posts about being dumb where girls are like saying ‘but I’m actually smart.’ Like tbh, I don’t really believe them. Like if you’re smart why does feeling dumb feel so good or hot or whatever to you then? I kinda feel like it’s having an excuse to let go of trying as much as you would be when you’re saying your smart. If you’re like really actually smart, I don’t feel like a break from ‘being smart’ would be such a relief or like as appealing.
#if you’re on my blog much may have noticed I’m just having a lot of feelings about this more lately#like it’s okay to not be smart#you can be happier#and like I feel like I sometimes get people who try to call me smart#like there’s diff skill sets#I think I’m still pretty good at soft skills and like makeup stuff#but like I regularly can’t get left and right right or name all the months and so on for lots of things#idk. I feel like dumb doesn’t mean you’re horrible at everything#like you still have value and can make a positive impact but just in different ways#I’m a soo much happier when at work I’m more focused on being someone others really like to work w than like being efficient at my job#and honestly seems like people prefer that#I have too many thoughts about at this lately#really hoping throughing them into the intenrwbt even if it’s more in tags gets out of my head more#personal#also very much not at a 100 notes but for a text post from me it’s impressive so…#100+#little thoughts
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y'all have gotta learn to act normal about other people's characters
just bc you think they're hot doesn't mean the person who made them wants to know if, or how, you'd fuck them. i feel like that's common sense. it doesn't make it OK now just because it's not a real person you're sexualizing. you don't know what they mean to the person who made them, and if you do, well what the fuck, then.
#please excuse me i've just noticed really often lately#the way people will comment nasty nasty stuff on art and i have to wonder like#are you sure that the artist is cool w/ that? are you sure already that the person who owns or made that character is cool with that?#idk i had to watch a couple people oversexualize the characters from a friend's very personal & emotional game they made about trauma#i posted a turnaround of a model i did for a friend in a discord server and someone called it “the boykisser” just bc it was a cat?#like. do you know who the character is? do you know who owns the character? do you understand the context they're from?#if not. why would you say that to/about them.#ik those instances occured on their own and don't really warrant a whole post#but I've been seeing some REALLY uncomfy comments thrown at people's art every here and there#and i think some of y'all are forgetting how to behave for real.#this post & tags are a little half-baked i'm just kinda sick of seeing it. be normal. leave a nice comment or something
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its tc upload day, yippee!
#ough the alt texts krill me!!! i think i changed the way i draw because i anticipate to describe it every time xD#i mean idk no one but one person mentioned it at all so i wonder if thats even... noticed at all? is there people#who read the text? people who find them helpful? hopefully there is! im just worried im doin it wrong and im not aware#but i know a blog that tags a cw white background so im never using a white background again because..... ??? thats a very specific tag 🙈#ethoslab#pauseunpause#vintagebeef#team canada#artstump
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"This is a message to you, who listens. You must trust me, because we are friends. You just don't know it yet. "
(The Road to PARTIZAN 05 : Ech0 & dusk to midnight)
currently halfway through PARTIZAN (making my way towards palisade extremely slowly. see u guys there in a month or two) & this is to date my favourite intro Austin has done. what an great introduction to an extremely cool character
#Partizan#road to partizan#friends at the table#fatt#gur sevraq#ive been wanting to draw something for that intro ever since i first heard it but i didnt. even know who gur sevraq was at that point.#but its been On My Mind#rosa art#im fairly happy with this i had a lot of fun coming up w the composition. it felt like a puzzle bc i knew what i wanted...#the lineless artstyle is something ive been trying out more and it doesnt come easy but it is fun. (so many layers.....)#you can zoom in for details because. ofthe person i am i always have to add little lines everywhere#well i usually write kind of a lot in the tags but ive been drawing for 5 hours nonstop. my brains kind of wiped.#i havent taken my walk yet so. i will now do that#...usually id listen to more partizan but millenium break is. literally not relaxing and i need to chill a bit#might put on the new bluff.#oh one more thing every time i relisten to that intro i do a little ME? gesture i hear that first line. its fun to me#edit: ok i moved the text slightly it was bothering me !#probably noone else will notice.
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Also, in response to the "testosterone making people angrier" myth, I've found that, personally, testosterone has given me the self-respect to recognize and call out when my boundaries are being overstepped in ways that I wouldn't have had the courage (or, frankly even liking of myself) to have done before. This is in addition to me working on my trauma responses, but testosterone was the spark that gave me the will to do this in the first place. When I see people sae that as anger and thus is a "bad thing," I wonder how much of that is just people being uncomfortable with us... having boundaries or enforcing them, and that the response to that overstepping is labeled as aggressive anger.
Frankly, I now actually respect myself enough to care when I am being mistreated. It seems that people sometimes take that as a personal failure on my end because I don't think I deserve mistreatment.
Caveat: Anger is a fine emotion, and it is a worthy thing to recognize and honour. I find that the accusation of trans men* and trans masc* people "being angry" on testosterone is a moot point simply because it is often a false accusation which uses anger as a punishment. My issue isn't that we're "angry," but that our perceived anger is used, often, as a transphobic bludgeon to punish those who either want to transition with testosterone or who currently are, and everything in-between.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#unpopular opinion i guess but: trans man* and transmasc* anger is a fine thing and more people ought to express it without fear#basically i want to start a punk band with some other trans guys/trans guys+ who are Angry and Will Express It#like not going to lie but i had no boundaries before because i HATED myself...#...so it's pretty weird when people almost... miss that they could have taken advantage of me had i not realized my worth#like why does my Testosterone Anger say something bad about me when you MISS that you could have taken advantage of my self-hatred. like. hm#anyway. i let myself be angry now because i have realized that i deserve to express my full range of emotions#i notice that many trans people start asserting themselves way more when they transition gow they want/need to...#...and i think part of it is that many of us start to get out of the rut of feeling Horrible 24/7/365...#...so when people express they 'miss the old [you]' to me that's a red flag...#...because... do you miss that person pre-transition or do you miss their abject misery and passivity?#this might be a generalization because of tumblr's tag character limit#but i have noticed this with a few trans people when they are openly/currently transitioning#this isn't me saying that this is universal but just... something i have Taken Notice Of#and it seems weird to me that this hasn't only just happened to me because. it just feels...... gross
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a lot of the discourse around likes versus reblogs seems profoundly sideways to me in that 1) telling people that liking things is Bad and that they're Bad to do it will not make them reblog stuff. it will make them stop liking posts. and then you will get absolutely no user engagement, and 2) i feel like there is a fundamental misunderstanding of why people don't reblog posts.
this isn't some kind of well-constructed thesis that i can apply to the entire userbase but most people that i've met who don't reblog stuff..... just.... don't want to perform.
curating your public blog for other people's eyes is a performance, whether you tag ramble or not. choosing what content to boost and what content to keep and what content to ignore requires active thought and refinement of that performance. and the performative nature of social media is especially terrifying these days, when posting or reblogging the Wrong Thing can often invite ire or misinterpretation or mockery based on things you never said or meant. that's why there was a time period like five years back when i didn't post on this blog at all for like a full year. too much anxiety surrounding the Concept of Conflict. the mere Potential that i might upset/harm/anger some hypothetical strawman
unfortunately writing "the website will die if you don't reblog, and likes make artists feel bad" doesn't encourage people to reblog. it makes them associate both liking AND reblogging posts with being subject to a stressful set of pre-determined rules that they don't fully understand and will unknowingly violate. so they stop engaging altogether. this is especially common with neurodivergent people who do not do well with sets of seemingly-arbitrary rules!
the truth is that if you want people to reblog stuff, there needs to be a site culture in which they feel comfortable doing so. which means that they need to be confident that their posts and thoughts are not only worth sharing, but also will be taken in good faith. there have been some very good posts to this end! shifting the expectation of Maintaining A Blog & explaining how tumblr blogs are more like corkboards in a dorm room than like megaphones.
but the frustrated and dire-toned posts about Killing The Website are. not helping. content creators are of course entitled to frustration! and entitled to express it however they want! but i'm afraid that mass-sharing these angry posts like they're somehow helpful guides is.... doing the opposite of what people want. like it just instills a new level of anxiety and negativity toward Any engagement
imo with this, as with pretty much any other situation where you want to change people's minds about something, the most effective work is going to involve a lot of patience and kindness and swallowed annoyance and expended energy. not everyone has the bandwidth for this (i certainly don't, at least not consistently) and being openly frustrated and angry and unhappy is much, Much easier. it just. also..... doesn't work for the results you want.
#this is coming from someone who notices almost no user activity except people's reblog tags#and the likes on personal posts from the same core like 8 people who are always around. thanks guys#anyway. this post is not meant as an attack and comes from a place of kindness. u are welcome to disagree with me but pls do in good faith#i also want more people to feel comfortable reblogging ur stuff! we are on the same side here!#tumblr#long post
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warming back up..with silliness.. watching shrek 2 again & Dreams . cause i have a lot of dreams that are weird
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i dreamt qifrey had tattoos and it was scary bc why wouldnt i know that? he's been shirtless in the manga#yet in the dream he had geometric black tattoos on his neck? HOW COULD I NOT KNOW???#i also dreamt today about panels with loads of fire in them like they were in a burning building and tetia's shoes were getting singed#but nobody even cared and nobody in the world noticed the fire except for me only i realise things are on fire#stress dreams..stress dreams about witch hat atelier..i'm not doing well guys#yeah i used shrek dialogue for my orufrey. we're at this level of insanity. i dont even care any more#listen to Holding out for a hero (shrek 2) (10 hour version) thinking of qif & oru & iguin and maybe youll understand#silly personal drawings where ive drawn 'myself' dont fit with my actual art =_= But Once again..who cares any more.
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As someone who used to watch james somerton before he released his helluva boss video (a video that praises a show that has been openly misogynistic, biphobic, and just generally weird about its treatment of queer and other marginalized people, for supposedly being an ICON of queer representation or whatever the fuck) i am mentally writhing like a little piglet in joy at the new hbomberguy video
#hbomberguy#james somerton#and btw this isnt meant to attack or belittle anyone who was a fan of his before the hbomb video#the average viewer had no way of realizing he was a plagiarist#and from personal experience i know it can be hard for a casual fan to notice the more wack rhetoric he uses about some identities/groups#his pretentious ‘smartier than thou’ way of making videos#made it really easy as a young queer person to feel like i just didnt understand points he made that i found suspicous or offensive#until i got a signal that made me reexamine the rest of his work under that lense#bluhhh conveying thoughts is hard#kittyposting#<<this is my original post tag now. btw
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listen i was guilty of this once upon a time too but dawg ppl GOTTA stop calling any platonic dynamic they like “siblings” without any precedence
#there are many characters where there is good right to call them siblings. but ppl have gotten so trigger happy w it#and like theres nothing wrong with viewing a dynamic that way ig but at the same time it makes ppl who may ship those characters really#uncomfortable. bcuz although there is nothing to suggest that those characters view each other in that way by calling them siblings#instantly you've made it weird for anyone who might interpret the dynamic differently#idk this is very nuanced but it just irked me a little bit#absolutely nothing against the person in the tags of my art btw power to you#but. as someone who ships pearl and scar a little it was a bit uncomfortable to see them be called siblings#i dont like ppl making ANY of the hermits siblings. like grian and pearl are a common one i see and i just. i dont get it i truly dont#none of their dynamics read like that to me. idk. again ppl have their own interpretations of things and they didnt mean any harm by it#it just made me feel a little weird#and this is a problem or well. trend ive seen in all fandoms recently#please. people are allowed to be friends and have close friendships and not have a familial element involved#esp with a girl and a boy THEY CAN JUST BE FRIENDS! YOU CAN HAVE THEM BE TOTALLY PLATONIC WITHOUT CALLING THEM SIBLINGS#whatever whatever idrc. just something ive noticed i know other ppl have talked about this before#again this is not a callout or anything im genuinely not mad or weirded out or anything please dont think i am#serena.txt
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three shots in trying to figure out what bradley was planning on doing with his poli sci degree if getting in the navy didn’t pan out
#(as someone who also has a poli sci degree)#he does nawt have the personality of a politician AT ALL#usually w psci majors its either public service or a predecessor for law school#which i can see more but like. bradley would have gotten one semester in and realized he fucking hates it i feel like 😭#mr ‘i have to raise my voice when i argue so they dont notice it shaking’. hes kinda just like me#ik OCS requires at least a bachelors degree but poli sci is so random to make yourself look like a better candidate LMFAOOOO#i really think he was planning on law school as a back up for the navy and probably had a minor in like history or something#he would be the type to take military history and international relations classes.#in my head hes a psci major w a history minor that takes social work classes on the side#which is partially my own self projection but also i think he would make a good social worker with the way he grew up#anyways. sorry for the rambling in the tags (not really)#Hi if you made it all the way down here#i love bradley so much. can you tell.#carolcore
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hmm i wonder if tumblr user ferncloud likes ferncloud...
/.\ MAYBE...
#LOL#when i first got this username in 2014 i liked her just fine but in a sort of whatever way#over the years ive grown quite attached HAHAHA i love her shes so kitty of all time#her mother is killed horrifically and left outside her home & she immediately offers herself to lead the dogs which is a near death sentenc#& weeks later she participates in a massive battle to the death with bloodclan... these events r often credited as traumatic experiences#explaining ashfurs terrible life choices but ferncloud went thru the same thangs. & then dustpelt.... was an adult hovering over her through#out all of this. & then she just wants to have kittens & if were reading into it maybe she wants to raise kittens the way she wishes she was#raised but many of her kittens die early or make it to adulthood but die b4 her. & on top of just what we know about her life shes hated by#thousands of readers for being a woman who wants to raise kids. & SHES KILLED CUZ SHES SO HATED...#i notice even now ferncloud is still reduced to motherhood by a lot of ppl#& thats ok its not that deep shes a bg character its nobodys job to think about everything. but she can be so personal & special & emo too#she is to me 💗 im proud to be a ferncloud. if ferncloud has 0 fans it cuz i died 😁#Oh i also have the handdrawn comic page from a shadow in riverclan by james that has ferncloud blushing at feathertail LOL#i am sooooooooo sorry for this miles long tags rant#ask
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The main thing that's keeping me upright is the idea that everyone is loved more than they'll ever know.
Even self doubt can't take that idea bc there's a lot of people whom I love/appreciate/ remember that I never told. If it's true for others, it's true for me. And I love that.
#thinking about it#about my roommate who became my friend bc she was there for me when my ex friends didnt notice#or about that internet friend i just mentioned i reached out to#or the sony sketch friends#one of them calls me Ragny...#'I think of you more often than you'd expect' she said to me (we grew up online together) I... I CAN'T DENY THAT#on here too#to the 3 people reading my posts tagged personal... do you want smt from the gas station?#personal
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Doodles that i made while reading catmik's The Woes of Transmigrating Into a Minor Villain its so good it scrambled my brain
#[art.png]#mdzs#edit: FUCK IM STUPID. I TAGGED THIS AS SVSSS NOT MDZS FUCKKKKKKKK#me while reading this: i need to make my characters worse actually#I LOVE THE LACK OF TRUST THE FRAGILITY OF EMOTIONS THE MISCOMMUNICATION AND THE INEVITABLE BREAK UP#usually it's like 'oh heres some petty reason that they break up' NOT HERE BABEY its the real fuckin deal#and the divorce arc made them realise who they are as a person and who are the other as a person#and not the idealised version of them#i wish i could draw moreee *grasping the soil and burying myself under*#also. wlj hair's bang was wrong 😭😭😭#i didn't notice it until a few days later 😭😭😭😭😭#chengjiao
![#[art.png]](/tag/%5Bart.png%5D){kind=link}
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"The more that I grow, the more that I've come to know; it's hard to be someone and it hurts to be nobody."
#I'm thinking about making a personal tag for all the music I post#something like 'Mel's Mixtape'? I feel like I've already seen that somewhere though so I don't wanna be copying anyone#if anybody has any ideas let me know!#+ that lyric gutter punched me when I first listened to COAP#(bit of a vent/rant incoming so nobody feel pressured to read)#I've spent the majority of my life with anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression#so I got stuck on the idea of being a 'nobody'; a person you never even notice just drifting through It All#but then I got jealous (per say) of people who had big friendgroups and were 'popular' etc and wanted to become 'somebody'#a person maybe even in the public eye#so I spent years trying to make myself into someone I wasn't and spent the whole time suffering#and eventually people realised I was not what I wanted to be (I wasn't like *them* in that sense) and they spent their days making sure ->#I knew it#so yeah#it is hard to be someone but it hurts to be nobody#even so I've found myself a good middle spot with a few friends who know me for *me* a good major and a lot of lovely moots#I ain't someone but I ain't nobody either <3#mel's thoughs#spotify#half•alive#half alive#conditions of a punk#coap#nobody (song)#melitunes
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