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sansxfuckyou · 5 months

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I am denial, guilt, and fear (and I control you)

Summary: there are good nights and bad nights in the mountains, turns out there's a similar cadence to how they show up even after he's back with his brothers

Warnings: angst, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: I went insane over the idea that John wrote songs about his brothers while he was out in the mountains, said idea spawned by the fucking epic @ohposhers who draws lots of good art and you should go check it out. title from Mr. Self Destruct by Nine Inch Nails. hope ya'll enjoy and if you do please consider dropping a reblog or checking the ao3 port

He hasn't exactly written any songs since he left BroZone to go be alone in the mountains, but it's a bad night, and this pit of guilt has knotted itself into his gut once more. He feels nauseated with himself for leaving his brothers and he was sure that stopped many years ago, sometime after he found Rhonda.

Sadly, Rhonda no longer counts to fit that empty little brother shaped space because she's his van now. She didn't really fit that little brother role very good anyways, she's more like his daughter whenever he really thinks about it.

Which he doesn't do very often, think about what he's become and how he adapts. He's usually too caught up on whether or not he'll find dinner, or if he'll catch some sweet slopes after a snow fall. He's usually more focused on keeping Rhonda well fed and making sure she's pleased as punch. He likes to make sure he absolutely doesn't have any time to think about his brothers or his past.

But he can't do anything to distract himself tonight, coming out of a fight with a wild animal that was supposed to be sedated doesn't leave a lot of stuff in your head aside from adrenaline. And the small little patches of pain and scratches that he's disinfecting, those are also on his mind. Otherwise it's empty, not focusing on much of anything and he knows where his train of thought will lead him so he tries to avoid it.

He fails, he fails to avoid thinking of his brothers and tonight he can't just cry himself to sleep because the sun is just barely setting. He'll be up while it's still dark out if he succeeds in passing out which he'd like to avoid. So he pours himself a mug of tea, dried berries and mint leaves, and starts looking for his ash tray. He'll just get a little bit high, that should take his mind off things, or make it so much worse, he's not quite sure. Smoking ring pop dust like it's weed is always a fifty fifty on whether or not he'll come down from his high feeling okay or lost in the mountains unable to find his way back for a considerable while.

He does find it, but all that remains are the ashes and a couple cigarette butts he just knows aren't gonna cut it. He gives this long aggravated sound before throwing open his closet and pulling out a very important memento from the before times. From before he left, from before BroZone, from before Branch was born, the guitar his parents gave him when he wasn't even thirteen. It's scratched, it's banged up, but it still works which is really what matters right now.

"Do I still got it," It's a mutter really, strumming the cords of his guitar, still almost perfectly tuned, but just close enough. It doesn't need to be perfect anymore, it just needs to get the job done.

Before he knows it he has paper splayed out in front of him, words and musical notes written atop them, each labeled with a brothers name. He doesn't know why he's doing this, but he is. It eases the guilt in his core, it takes his mind off the animal attack he just survived, it tears away this sheet of denial. Picks away the facade that he's fine, pulls apart the notions of him being over it, holds open his chest and reminds him he still has soft insides despite the roughness the mountains have conditioned him into.

Writing songs about his brothers, some of the lyrics don't rhyme, most of them don't actually. They just match the advances the guitar brings with the tune, the intensity gathers as it crescendos. He'll have to rename them later, so he can tell himself he wrote them for fun instead of this all consuming guilt and regret. He was sure he killed off said emotions many years ago, but apparently he didn't, and they've returned to rear their ugly heads once more.

So he writes and he plays and eventually he finds himself crying, that tight twist in his in his stomach migrates to his chest until it's unraveling. He hasn't sung in a while either, but he does so regardless, words spilling out of his mouth even though he intended to just write them and never say them. Never let out what's been boiling up for the past god knows how many years, but it's nice, working his voice and just getting it out.

He plays well into the night.

-/-/-/-

It's been three months since John Dory got his brothers back, and they spend most of their time in Branch's bunker (except for Bruce, father of thirteen) and John spends most of his time in Rhonda. He can't help it, old habits die hard, but he does spend the days with his brothers at the very least. They let him stick around for board games and he gladly plays, and even though he loses he appreciates it regardless because his brothers want him around.

But, he doesn't want himself to be around.

He ruined everything twenty years, whose to say he won't do it again? On purpose or accident he doesn't want to lose his brothers again (he doesn't know that despite everything they don't want to lose him either). He'll fuck it up again, he'll do something stupid and they'll leave him unless he leaves them first. His brothers that he just got back, his brothers that he's missed and been isolated for so fucking long that it makes his chest ache just to see two of them in the same room.

He needs to leave before he breaks their harmony again, a harmony of four is still a harmony. But if he's gonna do that then he at least needs to leave them something so they know he's doing it because he loves them. He's doing it for their own good and he'll go rot alone in a mountain for another twenty years if that's the price he needs to pay so they can be happy. So they can be happy without him because he sees it a lot more clearly now, they weren't happy with him all those years ago. He just made everything worse, his need for perfection, his need for the perfect family harmony, his need for the band to work out- he fucked it all up.

He really hates himself for doing what he's doing, but he has copies, it'll be fine. He never wanted them to know about the songs he wrote for them, about them, he wrote those songs over the memory of them and they're so visceral no one should have to read them. But it's the only thing he can think of to leave in place of himself, so they'll have a memory of him in his absence.

He gives brief skims of each sheet as he returns down the elevator of Branch's bunker, guitar slung over his shoulder so he can get a sense of how the chords will sound if they play said songs. They all sleep like bricks (even Clay which is a shocker considering how constant of a vigil the putt putt Trolls had going on), he can get away with a couple strums without any of them noticing and maybe even a few muttered lyrics. He needs to rework the one for Bruce more than any of the other ones, rewrite the name if it ever pops up for starters.

He finds himself sitting on a stool beside Branch's kitchen counter, scratching out words and rewriting them. He's getting too wrapped up in this. This was supposed to be a quick little in and out operation. But nope, he's stuck reworking Bruce's song so it seems sincere, he wants them to have a good memory of him. Not an oddly tainted one like they did for the last twenty years, if he's gonna end up making the same mistakes he'll at least try to avoid that one.

"John Dory, it's eleven PM,"

It's Bruce, the voice is groggy and coming from behind the teal Troll who spins on the stool to face his younger brother.

"It's when I do my best writing," A lie, a partial lie at least, enough truth to make it sound true. His nervousness comes off clear on his voice and it is very clear that Bruce is seeing directly through his bullshit.

He takes a couple steps forward and watches with John's reaction with rapt attent, the scuffle to hide something. He acts like he doesn't see it, "What's with the guitar?"

"Oh, this old thing?" He holds it up very, very carefully, "I got tired, thought I'd strum out some tunes to try and get back in a sleeping mood."

"I thought you quit making music for the last twenty years," Bruce countered with, he'll build to what's on the counter, ease his oldest brother into it. That's how it works with his kids, just calm them down from the panic and they'll tell him anything. He presumes it'll work the same for a fully grown Troll who couldn't emotionally mature past the age of seventeen out in the woods.

"Hard to forget how to play guitar, it's part of me," John said, the anxious edge slowly disappearing. Fucking Bruce, he thought only Floyd had that magical ability to calm people down, apparently not. And if he's unlucky he'll end up pliable enough and tell Bruce everything, by accident of course, not because he's been bottling it up for twenty years and needs someone to hold onto him while he cries-

Hey now, that's a pretty big jump, he cried plenty when he was out in the woods.

"And," Bruce takes a seat beside John before reaching for the papers. There isn't any recoil and he distantly wonders if this is a trap, but it isn't. As much as John Dory can be a dick, he wouldn't be a dick at this hour, "What about these?"

"Songs, wrote 'em while I was in the mountains," He half lied, although he wouldn't call it lying, just telling half of the truth. Bruce already has the papers, he'll know what's actually going on soon enough. John can feel his chest constricting again, he's not making out of this one alive.

Bruce places them back down, he's not gonna violate John's privacy any further, "How was it out there anyways?"

"I- to be honest it was kind of boring after I found Rhonda, my lovely daughter," John answered with, making sure to cut himself short. He gave just enough for Bruce to push further, to pry him open because John sure as hell isn't spilling it without incentive.

"No stories to tell me that you don't wanna subject Branch too?" Bruce teased.

There's this long sigh and the knot in his chest starts to come undone, pressure starting to build in the back of his eyes, "I really missed you guys, I thought I'd never see any of you again I kind of thought some of you might've died. And hell Floyd nearly did die, we nearly died trying to save him," He takes a shuddering breath and he just knows that he's probably crying just a little bit, "What a mess."

Bruce doesn't even know what to say, a part of him was sure John Dory was untouchable in terms of emotional hurt, a part of him knew nobody was untouchable. But he was the younger brother, he idolized John for a short period of time and turns out that he still hasn't beaten it all down. He just spreads his arms, "Do you want a hug?"

John doesn't even answer, he lurches forward, fully slumped against Bruce and just crying. He hasn't cried in the arms of literally anyone in far too long, he can barely form a sentence, it's almost pathetic. But Bruce just holds tight and doesn't let go and it grounds John into reality, into the reality he was planning on running away from.

He can't believe he'd ever do that, run away from his brothers again, go be alone in the mountains ago. It fucking wrecked him last time and now he's trying to willingly surrender himself back to a place where the only control he holds is where he goes. He's never been more glad to have a brother in his entire life, even when he pulls back he's still sniffling just a bit.

"Feel better?" Bruce asked quietly.

John laughed, "Oh absolutely not, it helped but I think a dad hug isn't gonna cut it this time around," He reaches for the papers, the one for Bruce. As much as he wants to shut up and go to sleep he keeps talking because he knows he won't reach this momentum again for a long time, "When I was in the mountains I really missed you guys right? And I was writing songs you know, busted out the old guitar and some pencil 'n paper."

Bruce is handed the paper and he's cautious to read it.

"Wrote songs about you guys, try and take the edge off," John admitted quietly, "They're kind of bad, and old, and I was going to leave so I thought I'd leave them behind 'in my memory' or whatever but then I got caught up fixing mistakes."

"You were going to leave?!" It's a lot louder than he intended and panic is quick to blossom across John's expression.

"Shut it! Or just, be quiet, I've changed my mind," John said, "But, no one else is allowed to know about this."

"They'll be flattered to hear you wrote songs about them," Bruce said.

"Yeah, and no one was supposed to learn about those songs unless I died or disappeared which backfired big time, so don't tell anyone," John practically demanded.

Bruce held out a paw, "I won't tell," he swiped it away when John went to shake it, "If you spend more time with your family."

"Fine, I'll spend more time with you guys," John agreed, Bruce placed his paw into John's they shook on it.

There's this small, comfortable beat of silence.

"Love you bro, we all do,"

John doesn't really believe Bruce, not entirely, but he says it back, "Love you too man."

#trolls #trolls fanfic #trolls band together #john dory trolls #bruce trolls #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #trolls fandom is literally so nice. no amount of fics will ever explain how much gratitude and 'holy shit theyre talking to me' i experienc #and i experience it frequently. like. cool artist/fic writer liek my fic? *spontaneously combusts* but fr tho ya'll are great.

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bloomingbluebell · 2 months

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so mad at the thing in my brain that makes me freak out whenever there is something gorey or honestly just medically gross like. do you know how many games, movies, and TV shows are entirely inaccessible to me because of this? how many i've had to stop watching because they went a bit too hard in the gore/body horror department? how much money i spent on games i'll never play again? (regretfully looks at resident evil 7 and 8 in my steam library. at least 7 was on sale)

#grumpy this morning bc can't play bg3 :(#first of all i'm pretty sure it'll make my laptop AND my pc spontaneously combust so jot that down #second of all there's just a lot of.... violence? and gore?#at least from what i heard from my friend and what i've seen #and i'm so sad about it #i really was so excited to watch birds of prey back when it came out but nope! it's actually really bloody!!#i think this is because of my OCD actually which makes me even more pissed #because people are still like 'oh i'm a neat freak i'm so OCD' meanwhile i'm like #'many pieces of media are inaccessible to me because the sight of someone being killed or injured badly enough makes me panic #to the point of needing to withdraw and stop playing but i can't say that so i'll stay until its finished and never watch this again'#no but fr i don't trust any movie a sociology instructor shows me anymoee #because the first time i watched a movie for a soci class it ended with a suicide #(not graphic but idk it just really affected me)#and i spent the rest of the day in a haze repeating that scene in my head so much i could almost feel it #i tried to explain this to people and i heard 'yeah i think that's common' no? it's really kinda not #and it makes me really upset but i don't know how to get help for this? i know it's not good or healthy #hhhhhhhhhhhg #for some reason written description for the most part is okat #(its the aphantasia it saves me)#vent #vent tw

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grimalkinmessor · 6 months

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Moonrises for the bingo?

I'm guessing you meant Moonriver? I did Moonriver :3

Near is like L in aaalll the ways the chafe against Light and almost none of the ways that gel, but that just makes them more fun >:3 I see it as largely one-sided?? Like Light is attempting to seduce and manipulate for his own personal gain and Near's just kinda like "....⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄ sus" LMAO. Light's actually a lot like Mello (or is it more accurate to say that Mello is like Light...?) so I see Near finding Light fascinating and alluring for many of the same reasons I see him being attracted to Mello—just without the Undying Love™ bits. They're not even really sexual in my brain; they play fucked up psychological horror games against each other that are fraught with sexual tension but never actually go anywhere ✨ Unless they're against a common enemy, of course 🥰 In that case? Run. (⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠;)

#asks #fucked up ship bingo #moonriver #death note #near #nate river #yagami light #fr though WHERE is the content???#i get in a moonriver mood and just spontaneously combust 😭😭

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thormanick · 2 years

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so the. the, um. the letters-

#genshin impact #shaking crying sobbing WELL THAT WAS FUN #alice’s letter was increasingly well-written #no fr just. it’s a temporary event mhy what-#like all the lore on diluc AND his connections #and then Kaeya’s letters???? don’t even get me started #first of all after all THEY ARE STILL FAMILY I- *screeches in found family trope*#second of all #casually dropping the name of the king of Khaenri’ah for funzies in a secret location of a temporary event #look normally I’m very ok with info being temporary/unavailable but like #this is IMPORTANT #not only for character development but for the general lore #but anyways that’s not the point #the point is that I shall quietly go touch some grass and either spontaneously combust because of emotions #or just cry idk #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact lore #afinna explores teyvat

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touyaz · 2 years

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omg which hand do we think shouto jerks off with this is critical information !

#bc like. on one hand wouldnt the cold one make him lose feeling in his dick and what if it falls off omg </////3 #and then w the other... what if he burns it..... what if he goes too fast and fuckin. spontaneously combusts :(((#this is a trick question he doesnt need to jerk off when my Holes r available 24/7/365 😁#no but fr like.... which one. i feel like he'd hate having to switch between them bc he like momentarily loses pleasure #which hand r we swaying towards #wintext

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phantom-does-a-thing · 2 years

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I love using they/them fr but also people need to start shooting their shot and assigning me more pronouns

#I LOVE pronouns SO much #ohohohohoho #love love LOVE pronoubs even and ESPECIALLY neopronouns #it is in every sense impossible to misgender me with pronouns #unless I'm being forced to lock myself into one gender or pronoun set #then I spontaneously combust fr #but also god pronouns are so <333333 #rambling #phever dreams with phantom

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radically-annoyed · 12 days

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Lmao wtf is the uk government doing now? In this essay I will-

#are they fr trying to get rid of the equality act 2010 #I hope they spontaneously combust #my posts

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pastanest · 1 year

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A/N: just some fun headcannons I thought of for different regenerations of the Doctor with each other’s companions :)

Doctors With Each Other’s Companions

Ten x Clara Oswald

there is only one reason that these two could not spend more than the 50th anniversary special together: the bisexuals would’ve spontaneously combusted

no but fr

if they had one full conversation they’d flirt themselves into an outerspace hotel room in approximately 4 seconds

the tension is palpable

the HEIGHT DIFFERENCE? I have been found deceased in a sewer pipe

no but seriously a show with these two couldnt be PG

Eleven was all flustered and bumbling when Clara flirted with him but Ten?? OH, he is SMOOTH AS BUTTER WITH IT once he’s gotten a bit more accustomed to it

The Oncoming Rizz, if you will

Nine x Donna Noble

these two would probably never get anything done bc they’d be arguing all the time in an epic war to out-sass each other

and Donna would win every time

and Nine would never admit it

if there is ANYONE that could put any Doctor in their place, it’s Donna Girlboss Noble

imagine Nine yelling for Donna like Ten did too, iconic

I’m not sure Nine could cope with Donna for a whole series just in terms of keeping up with her but I think for however long they were travelling together, it would be the funniest pairing in Doctor Who history

Twelve x Martha Jones

first of all, the racism that Ten allowed Martha to experience when he made himself human and chose the time period they’d hide in?? Twelve would NEVER, we saw how he protected Bill!!

second, she would’ve been saved from heartache with this version of the Doctor

Twelve would actually appreciate Martha, in ways that the heartbroken Ten couldnt

the fact Martha is so smart and has such a vast medical knowledge? Twelve is ALL about it

he’d meet Einstein just to say “Martha Jones is smartest person in this room, after me.”

he has no regard for whether that’s technically accurate or not

Twelve has every faith that no matter the scenario, Martha Jones is smart enough to figure out a solution

very biased and does not care

Nine x Amelia Pond

now hear me out, this is an odd combo, but ENVISION IT

Amelia Pond would soften Nine like sun on snow, especially if they had the canon meeting of her and Eleven

he’s more inclined to be blunt, but I think Amy would become his exception in a similar way to Twelve x Clara

like Nine will go on a rant about how stupid the human race is, but then ends it with “-except for Amelia, obviously.”

he roasts Rory to no end, the two of them are the ears and the nose

River Song slaps Nine more than any other regeneration of the Doctor and that’s canon

and if it had been Nine in a Good Man Goes To War, let’s just say his name would no longer be…

Eleven x Rose Tyler

listen listen listen, I KNOW Rose already got two regenerations of the Doctor but it will never be enough for me Im such a whore for Rose’s dynamic with the Doctor I wont take any criticism goodnight

if her relationship with Ten continued with Eleven?? UMM

Rose would be jealous of River to begin with but they’d become besties in no time bc River has obviously heard all about her and is like “You stared into the heart of the Tardis? Slay x”

Eleven and his boyish antics, his bubbling excitement and ridiculous dress sense would have had Rose Tyler GIGGLING

also Eleven could charm anyone, including Jackie Tyler, it’s canon she thinks he’s utterly adorable and actually keeps a supply of jammy dodgers in the cupboard just in case they pop round

Twelve x Rose Tyler

SO CUTE

Rose and her daddy issues, fixed by the lovingly-grouchy grandad that is Twelve? HAND IT OVER RN

also the Scottish accent saying “Rose” would scratch the brain

similar to Twelve x Clara, except with the canon additions of Captain Jack and Mickey Smith

obviously, Captain Jack still tries to flirt with the Doctor and calls him a “silver fox” and Twelve is like >:( but internally he’s twirling his hair and kicking his feet

and he forgets Mickey’s name entirely

forgets he’s there, actually

“When was the last time he said something that showed a shred of intelligence? As far as I’m concerned, he’s a vaguely familiar pudding brain.”

#doctor who #10th doctor #tenth doctor #11th doctor #eleventh doctor #9th doctor #ninth doctor #12th doctor #twelfth doctor #imagine #imagines #headcannon #headcannons #rose tyler #clara oswald #donna noble #martha jones #amelia pond

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captain-lessship · 5 months

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Frozen Over Pt. 5

Content Warning: Insinuation of sex, bruises, alcohol, hallucinogenic cigarettes, partying like how fiction makes college parties seem.

A/n: Tell me why there’s a twinge chemistry between Haymitch and Reader? I fr didn’t have to do that and why did I do that??

You woke up hours later, full moon lighting up your room. All of the house was peaceful. No one was due back til late that evening. You looked to the clock, its face illuminated read a quarter past two, there was no reason for you to be awake. You rolled over, expecting him to be there: he wasn’t.

You felt the bed where he should’ve been, it was long cold.

You sat up, letting the covers fall from your chest. “Finnick?” You called out into the room. Wrapping yourself in the blanket to cover you, you walked to your adjoining bathroom, you knocked on the door. There was no answer. You opened it anyway, there was no one.

You looked at yourself in the huge mirrored wall. Faint bruises were blooming on your neck. You let the blanket drop slightly, holding it at your hips where hand prints also blossomed. He painted you with acts love but yet he was gone.

You couldn’t help but force out a laugh: He really took you for a loop this go around. That son of a bitch.

Despite the mild anger, you felt your heart aching. He could’ve stayed. He wasn’t due to leave til the afternoon, your grandfather was busy with getting everything set up and your sister had gone back to your mothers for a visit.

It was just you and him in this house.

With great shame, you picked your clothes off the floor and put them back on also dressing your self in your robe for comfort. You then exited your room, moonlight following down the hall way.

You walked yourself to the window sill, a lump coming to your throat. He didn’t love you. You couldn’t even bring yourself to cry.

You had carved out your heart and served it to him. He knew he was your first love and he lied.

Rage filled you as you turned and ran back to your room, flinging the door open and marching to your closet. You walked back into it and pushed aside several hangers of clothes.

You yanked the painting of him from the wall and ran out of the room with it. You went into the fireplace that your family lit the fire during a Hunger Games and put it out after it was over.

You took one last look at the painting. Anger took hold of you as you took hold of a fire poker from the rack and stabbed it through the canvas, directly into the painted Finnick’s heart.

You then snapped the wood framing and threw the entire thing into the fireplace. As you watched it burn, you could almost imagine him in the flames, a small figure of him appeared in the flames and you watched him intently, he seemed to be contorting with pain which brought little solace for your own agony.

Dying. Burning. Suffering.

Snow noticed a difference in you the second he laid eyes on you. You seemed colder, not much boyish charm or affection came from you. He smiled at this revelation. Yet a part of him kinda hurt for you, he cared about you deep down in his heart. Snow was not oblivious to the rage and sadness that comes from a lost love. It hurt to see you lounge about as if the life was drained from you. All of what made you your own self was slipping:

You were becoming a spiteful creature and he knew it. He didn’t hate it.

Every time someone mentioned the games, you got a highly irritated look on your face.

Had people seen your face during the Cesar Flickerman interview, they would have half expected the screen to spontaneously combust. You abruptly stood up, tempted to leave the room but something stopped you.

His words.

You turned back to the screen. Had you been just a twinge colder, frost would’ve weaved across the window panes you stood by.

With artic chill, You were stared into Finnick’s eyes. There was a sadness to them. Then you heard the words, he meant it but there was something else. Every other tributes words began to click.

They want out of the games.

You welled up with tears. What were you doing?

There was nothing you could do.

It all began to hit you. How helpless you were. How pointless it all was.

You had been nothing but a replacement for President Snow. You were nothing. How could you ever look Finnick in the eyes again? Would you ever look him in the eyes again?

You began to cry so hard that you started choking on your tears and you were grabbing at your chest, feeling as if your heart was shattering and your lungs were collapsing.

You were a pawn, not a knight.

Then it came to you like peace comes after war. You had to do something.

You walked in like you owned the place, knowing exactly who to find. You strode with confidence through the party hall, many people glancing at you, enjoying your new found energy. But god it was draining. Eventually you found him.

Haymitch Abernathy.

You sauntered over to him, “Mr. Abernathy, I need your help.”

He looked at you, sitting down the drink he was nursing. He wasn’t as drunk as the last few time you saw him.

“And what do I have the pleasure of helping you with?”

“I know vaguely of what you’re planning.” You sat down beside him and leaned to whisper in his ear. “Laugh like I told you a joke. Knowing that we are not supposed to really socialize with each other, we must assume we are being watched.”

He let out a hearty laugh and put his arm around you, moving to whisper in your ear, “What am I planning?”

You chuckled, he reached for his drink, you faced him, “You’re part of a rebellion. So is Finnick and I assume your tributes are too.”

He downed the drink and whispered to you, “I don’t kno-“

“Finnick.” you laughed out loud. You then narrowed your eyes and glared at him. “He mentioned it and I know him well. He wouldn’t mention something he had no interest in.”

Haymitch looked at you, trying to decide whether or not to trust you.

“If I didn’t agree with it,” you removed his arm from your shoulder and made a move to the unique cigarettes in the middle of the that tasted like different fruit flavors, “I would have told my grandfather already.”

As you lit a cigarette, you turned to a waiter who was walking by and took a glass from their tray, thanking them with a smile.

“I guess you would’ve.”

You drank a few sips from the glass straw before sitting it down, “You see, I was planning on not doing anything. Not one side or the other but then I realized that… this is wrong.” You took a deep inhale of the cigarette, the end glowing and sickly blue smoke floated from the end of it.

Haymitch nodded slowly, “Yeah, it is.” You grinned as the smoke seeped out of the corners of your mouth.

You slurped down the rest of the drink, a waiter already eyeing you for a refill. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“A deal?”

“One that is in your alls favor.” You tapped off the ashes of the end of your cigarette, “You see, I have a level of influence. I can get you what ever they could want or need in the Arena. Under one condition.”

“Which is?”

You took another drag from the cigarette before turning to Haymitch, the smoke that came from your mouth outlined him. “No matter what, even if your little canaries from the coal mines die, Finnick Odair will make it out alive. Or…” you grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him to you, “I scorch your rebellious districts myself.”

“You are not nearly as scary as you think you are,” he took the cigarette from you and took a hit of it for himself, “Your threat would be worthless if you weren’t a Snow.”

You took it back from him, taking a drag from it, internally noting that you didn’t scare this man. Typically, there was a slight fear in people who associated with you but here this blonde from twelve was: not even a worried look on his face.

“I appreciate the tenacity. Finnick is planned to get out so settle down.” He moved your hand from his shirt. “We should probably laugh, waiter is coming.”

Both of you began to laugh, holding onto each other like old friends. When the waiter came by, you noticed the pitcher of the electric pink cocktail, “Could you leave that here?” You smiled widely at them as they nodded, sitting it down.

As the waiter left, Haymitch looked mildly concerned. “Stressed?”

“Exceptionally.” You poured the refill into your glass.

“May I ask why?”

You chuckled, “I just- They say a child not embraced by the village will set it on fire to feel warmth.” You stared at the ember on the end of your cigarette,

“What about a child who’s been embraced but there was not a single degree of warmth from it? Am I so cold I can’t feel warmth from it all?”

Haymitch reached for the pitcher and poured himself one, “Well, son. I guess many would call that child a traitor but at the end of the day, it’s still a child. I don’t think you’re intentionally cold, I think you were always said you were or that you should be. They made you a cold child.”

A while had passed, you and Haymitch were genuinely laughing. As you got drunker; your tie left, you unbottoned some of your now untucked shirt and your hair that was once neatly styled was disheveled. You decided to get up on the table, “Ladies and Gentlemen! I am so happy to see you all! And guess what? I am so fucking drunk! You’ll never see me like this again!”

Cheers erupted from them, or loud concern, you didn’t know which. Suddenly, the night was turning into a good time.

You danced around like fool, spinning around and attempting to hop like a ballerina; formal dancing was the one skill you did not possess. But dances your grandfather would not approve of were your forte. Hallucinogenic colorful smoke was your rhythmic ribbon; pink, green, yellow and blue wisps wrapped around you like the leading hands of your dance partners.

Under the lights, you took shots from glasses that were held in-between the bosoms of ladies, gentlemen poured liquor like syrups on you that you licked or let them lick off and other guests knocked open champagne bottles while you let it fall upon you like a child playing in rain.

You finally understood why the capital never slept. All you needed was the right party.

The fact you had to be hauled home by Haymitch was shameful. The only thing more shameful was the state your grandfather found you in.

#fanfic writing #fanfic #romance #x reader #male reader imagine #romantic relationships #male reader #snow!reader #snow #coriolanus snow #haymitch abernathy #finnick odair #finnick odair x male reader #finnick x reader #the hunger games #the hunger games catching fire

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starrishly · 4 months

Text

my thoughts while watching ep 7 ‼️💪

loving the recap AND THE NAIAD IS SO PRETTYYY

YESS CRUSTY'S !!

wait what's going on 😭

HOW DID HE KNOW ABOUT THE BEDS?? WHERE ARE GROVER AND ANNABETH?? AREN'T WE GOING TO DOA ??

that water bed looks so comfy

OH YANKEES CAP

this is so different from the books but im lowkey loving it (wanted a bigger scene with crusty though)

THE DOORRR

"dude dont make me come back out there" help i love her 😭

THEY'RE GOING IN

oooh flashback WITH SALLY !!

i love sally sm <333

THE TRANSITION ???

not how i imagined the underworld but okayyy like i lowkey saw it as this red coloured place. red as the main hue yk but its all good

"not in kansas" "hey focus" he's so gonna watch the movie with her when it's all over

WE'RE NOT CROSSING THE STYX ANYMORE???? BUT THE BATHTUB SCENEEE NO

CERBERUS THE CUTIE PIEEE AWHHH

he's such a good dog man

hold up is the palace upside down 😨

HE LOST THE PEARL. NO WAY.

poor kid ☹️ also off subject but azriel is the perfect young percy fr

is he about to sacrifice himself again noo

I JUST GOT JUMPSCARED.

"souls here are bound by regret." HOLY SHITTT AND THEN ANNABETH GETTING STUCK WHATT

idk man annabeth not being there feels so weird

THE PIT NOPE

the bolt looks way different than i expected tbh

"why are you trying so hard to get rid of me" NOOOO IM SOBBING

im actually so excited to see who they cast as Hades cause i forgor 😔

lets talk about the soundtrack for a moment here cause it slaps

Hades offering them snacks ?? 😭

percy watching his mother trapped just like he was when he sat on that chair im gonna be sick

the way he is so confused about the accusations help

"ask me for sanctuary" MANNNNN

PERCY FIGURED IT OUTTTT

literally what is going on 🤺

"hold fast mom." THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES. STOP

sally deserves the world man she's trying her best ☹️🫶

POSEIDON???

their conversation and the fact that he came as soon as he got the offering AND IT WAS RAINING AS WELL im going to spontaneously combust like WHY

THE DUEL IS COMING UP YESSS IM SO HYPED GUYS

#bathtub scene you will be missed #pjo spoilers #pjo show #pjo series #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #annabeth chase #grover underwood

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hangmanssunnies · 2 years

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16 - needing their cuddles even though they have something else to do 💜💜

House We Share Jake! <3 Predeployment...

"Sit down with me," you had requested in the middle of the end of his preliminary post-workout checklist.

Jake struggled to ever resist giving you the things you wanted. At least things he could give you, oh, he was always hoping it was enough to make up for what he couldn't. There was this small pleased smile that graced your face anytime Jake did something for you. As if he had surprised you or you had gotten a welcome but unexpected gift. That smile was one of his favorite things about you. Last month he caught himself dedicating four pages of his sketchbook to get it perfect.

His feet moved before his brain could catch up. Jake thinks it's nice you have that power. It's similar to how he feels after a good run, wholly grounded in the moment and his body. He goes from circling the kitchen island to sitting beside you on the couch. Answering your smile with a grin of his own. He playfully taps his elbow to your ribs, nudging you. Ignoring your complaint about his sharp elbows when you elbow him back and motion for him to scoot closer to you. While tempted to sink into the couch with you, Jake also had a million things he needed to get done; at every corner he turned, something caught his attention. Patching the drywall, setting up an appointment with the landscaper, checking the HVAC system, and regrouting the kitchen backsplash.

When was the last time the fridge water filter was replaced? Jake suddenly thought to himself, worried. He almost shoots up from the couch. The need to add the filter to his checklist before he forgot it struck him. Before he does, your hands are in his hair, and Jake wants to fall apart. If Jake has an off button for his brain, you discovered it while playing with his hair. Sure, his hair was played with in the past, but no one had ever made him feel like he does when you do it.

"I have so much to do," Jake whines, not wanting to pull away from your warmth. You shush him gently, tugging on his hair harder. He knows you think it's a playful punishment, a reminder to keep him in place. But God, if it doesn't do a million and one things to him. Jake briefly considers the likely hood that he would spontaneously combust. Which would be preferable to the forbidden things he actually wants to do. It's why he can't let himself think about you in too much detail. Details lead to longing and yearning, and obsession. Jake once again reminds himself that being obsessed with your roommate is a creepy thing.

"It'll be there tomorrow. Nothing's going anywhere… not yet, at least."

"Sugar," he groans quietly. "I'll have more stuff to do and less time tomorrow."

"We both know you were stress-pacing for the last 10 minutes. And you aren't doing this by yourself, Jakers," you remind him firmly but still with a kind edge.

"I will help you get everything done. I promise the list will be finished before you have to go. It's all going to be okay." Your words feel like a small weight off his shoulder. You are the most reassuring person in his life. Jake briefly tries to remember how he did this before he had you around. Maybe he didn't do it at all.

"Well…" Jake starts to respond.

"No, wells or buts. Do you know what I need right now?"

"What is that, sugar?"

“I need you to cuddle with me on this couch. And I need you to watch this movie." You say, gesturing to the TV. Jake honestly couldn't care less about whatever movie you picked. Not in a mean way, but it wasn't on his list of priorities to watch.

However, he did care about you, so fucking much. Jake would go to extreme measures to fulfill any want you had any need and desire could fill. Jake stopped walking down that path, considering how he was behaving. In a typical Jake fashion, he was trying to overcompensate for the things he couldn't do. The small but persistent thing he knew, guessed, assumed, hoped, dreamed, prayed, thought you wanted most from him. So, Jake would give you the cuddles you wanted, and he does his damnedest to make sure the house is perfect for you trying to think of and prevent as many problems as he could.

You snuggle closer to Jake, and he takes a deep breath, appreciating your scent. Jake is trying to pay attention to the movie since he knows you want to talk about it later. However, it is difficult to do so because the most captivating thing in the room is you. Having you around already made everything about his deployment worse; having you around makes everything about being home better.

#THank you for the request #these have been fun #Ummm #He is sweet because i say so #He is also stressed #house we share #jake seresin x reader #Hangman x you #house we share drabble #Jake's POV

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pepperonitowerask · 1 year

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Hi I’m completely obsessed with how the story’s going so far it’s got me acting unhinged fr, like this Au is just super interesting and I’m so hype for every update. I’ve got a question bc the brainrot is strong and if I don’t I will spontaneously combust. Take your time ofc!!

So say if someone (totally not me) wanted to make an alternate to their own oc, do you have any rules of thumb? IE, does the alternate have to be the exact opposite to the original? Like Vigilante and Outlaw for example. Or could an alternate be similar but different? Like a clown’s alt would be a jester or some other form of comedy centric entertainer? Or does it matter how Peppino *sees* that person as well? Also designing, do you have any rules for yourself?

Thank you for taking the time to answer. :) I can’t wait to be destroyed emotionally next update! 🥳🥰

((OUGH HELL YES OF COURSE!! I would be honoured to help you out dude hell yes!

((It does generally matter how Peppino saw them, since they’re half formed from what he *remembers* of them, but there’s no hard and fast rule that they Must be the opposite to a character! What’s generally a rule of thumb that I’ve stuck to though is they have to be an *exaggerated* version of a character; ie, Vigilante upholding the law vs Outlaw being downright obsessed with justice!!

((General rules while designing is that they have to at least be able to be connected back to the original!! Just making a brand new guy to fight would be decently confusing, given how the rest of this story is going!! Also they gotta be pizza somehow so jot that down/lh

((All in all the most important thing is to have fun with em :-) they are funny guys to me and i love them dearly !!!!

#mod talks #long post

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hopelesslygaysstuff · 7 days

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I just started your Sparkling Scarlet series not too long ago, and I'm about to finish it. I had to stop at chapter 28 because 27 hurt so much to finish!!! It's hard to believe you are just 21! You write like you've been doing it for decades and it's really really good!!

The way you write about love!! And the feelings!! I haven't sat down and actually read anything long form like this since I was in high school, which this time next will be my 20-year reunion lolol Thank you so much for sparking my interest in reading again!! I have mostly been reading romance and smut like this lolol, but baby steps, right?! Lol

I saw you post recently that you'll be graduating college soon, and I just wanted to send my congratulations!! I hope you find nothing but success in whatever comes next for you!! 😊

I sincerely hope you keep writing because you are really good at it! Have you ever thought about trying to write a book and getting it published?! If you can get Wanda smut published and then meet the woman herself!!! I would spontaneously combust from excitedness for you lolol

OMG YESSSSS ANOTHER PERSON WHO LOVES SPARKLING SCARLET TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT (Sorry not sorry for the angst)

Are you fr?? Stawpp :3 That is too sweet of you omg. I'm glad I was able to help you get back into reading!! I've recently discovered some fanfiction recently that has gotten me back into reading too, its always refreshing haha

Thank you!!! I don't wanna be a big adult but i will persevere and find a big boy job but it is SCARY

I do want to publish a book!! The next big multi-chaptered fic I'm writing will be published into an actual book after some heavy editing and changing of names and such haha. Its going to be an expanded version of Reality. I too would combust omg what a dream!

#answered asks #sobbing this is so cute #and nice #i needed this thank u

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transingthoseformers · 11 months

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"He's more anxious than a carrier usually is a sparkling fist appointment, Ratchet says quietly speaking to Baseline Optimus.

Optimus looms with concern; he knew that Megatron and Rodimus had been through quite alot while they were with his alternate universe counterpart. Optimus sighed as he stared into the medbay where Megatron sat looking over at Rodimus worriedly. Megatron did look more nervous than your advrage carrier but it made sense. Optimus didn't know what led to Rodimus extensive injuries but he did know that Megatron was being far more over protective than he needed to. But could Optimus even blame him? Wouldn't he have done the same thing in Megatron's position? Optimus repeated the questions in his head. Primus below, Optimus was worried about Megatron and Rodimus and that felt weird. This whole situation was.

Megatron eventually turned and made eye contact with Optimus the two held it for quite some time before Optimus looked away. The look in Megatrons eyes was almost painful to look at. To see such a protective look in what had once been his friends eyes was heart breaking.

"I know" Optimus finally whispered back. He wasn't sure if it was to Ratchet or to Megatron and at this point he didn't want to.

Weeks later when Rodimus had fully physically recovered it became obvious that he was changed by the events. Rodimus refused to be a room away from Megatron and it seemed like the two were always together. Optimus thought it made sense, they had been captured together of course they wanted to stay close. Perhaps Megatron had become an odd comfort for Rodimus. Optimus couldn't tell but he was glad that Rodimus could

I needed to do a 10 min writing and I was inspired

-FR Anon

Oh baseline Ratty the way you're right

Baseline Optimus would've done the same damn thing in baseline Meggsie's place, oh their megop dynamic is gonna go in interesting directions

The more baseline Optimus learns about SG Optimus, the more he feels ashamed that any version of himself can be like this. That many of the sg mecha still jolt when they see his silhouette or hear his voice. Even though it 100% isn't his fault, part of him feels like it is.

These two? Baseline Megatron and Rodimus? They're connected now. This has irrevocably changed them, which makes sense. Everyone will become accustomed to seeing them together, and Megs would rather spontaneously combust then let this happen again.

#maccadam #transformers #fractured reflections au #fr anon #Optimus prime #Rodimus #Megatron #Ratchet #if you look at baseline optimus and tell me he wouldn't feel guilty for everything sg Optimus prime has done you would be lying #so much angst to be had considering baseline optimus and the sg Decepticons #absolutely fucking lovely

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