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misscorn · 10 months

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Day 3 Hospital/Bandaid

Listen. We deserved Nao to just be an idiot friend and not a love rival so that's what I'm doing. The timeline might be a little fucked up to make them teenagers during the time of the events nao is describing but idc. Enjoy lmao @takaritsuweek

Takano Masamune may have misjudged Nao Kiyomiya just slightly. Who he thought was a valiant rival with ten years of knowledge and experience with Ritsu that he himself was missing...

"-and this is when Ritsu and I ended up getting matching casts on our arms when I convinced him to try parkour-"

...turned out to be a massive idiot.

Takano didn't understand how he ended up in this situation. When Nao knocked on his door saying that Ritsu was visiting his parents for the day and that he was ' bored so the two of them ought to take the opportunity to spend some time together', Takano's first instinct was to close the door on his face. However, he hesitated when noticing the photo album in Nao's hands.

"Oh, it's pictures of me and Ritsu! Back in high school mostly. I had a really crappy Polaroid back then, but I thought you might like to see them." Nao had said with a smile.

Takano didn't know what Nao was playing at, at that point, but he would be a fool to let that kind of opportunity pass by him. So, he ended up begrudgingly letting Nao into his home, preparing tea for the both of them (Takano had lied and said he only had black tea when Nao stated a preference for green), and sitting on the couch with him as Nao flipped through the album...which mostly consisted of pictures of him and Ritsu either before or after they had gotten hurt in some way.

"Oh, Ritsu was so mad at me here." Nao said with a laugh, pointing at a slightly fuzzy picture of Nao in a hospital bed, pulling a grumpy Ritsu into frame to take the photo.

"How did you end up in the hospital?" Takano asked, dreading the answer.

"I tried the tide pod challenge." Nao said matter-of-factly as he flipped to another picture.

"...the thing where you eat soap?"

"Yeah. That was the one thing I couldn't convince Ritsu to try with me." Nao said.

Oh my fucking God. How is this guy alive. He has to have brain damage, Takano thought, hesitantly looking at the next picture which featured the two teens, Ritsu looking embarrassed as he held a gallon of milk in each hand and Nao looking excited. "What's with this one?"

"Oh, it was this thing where you try to chug a gallon of milk and not throw up." Nao said.

"Why...would you do that..." Takano was going to have a stroke.

"Just to see if we could. We did it again when that banana and sprite challenge thing was trending for a bit." Nao said.

"And...did you two throw up?" Takano asked hesitantly, not really sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"Oh, yeah, definitely." Nao answered. "Oh, and this is when our arms got burned from trying the salt and ice challenge. I didn't actually think it would work, but wow it really hurt." He said, pointing at a picture where he and Ritsu were both holding up their arms with burn marks.

I don't know what that is but I am not going to ask, Takano thought miserably. "Do you have pictures where you and Ritsu aren't trying to hurt yourselves?" He asked.

Nao got quiet for a moment as he turned through the pages of the album a little more quickly, skimming over them and slowly shaking his head. "Nope! Doesn't look like it." He said, clearly not seeing the issue with that.

How did Ritsu survive his time over seas with this idiot. Oh my God. This moron could have killed him, Takano thought miserably. Now he wanted Nao out of Ritsu's apartment for an entirely different reason.

"Did you ever do stupid things like this as a teenager, Saga-san?" Nao asked. At first, Takano thought calling him by his previous surname was meant to be some kind of jab, but in light of this recent conversation he was starting to think that it was Nao's obvious stupidity.

"No." Takano stated firmly, not even bothering to correct him on his name.

"What? Not even once?" Nao asked.

"No." Takano repeated, trying not to melt into total misery. He could hardly believe Ritsu let himself be convinced to try any of this!

"Oh. Huh." Nao said, as if he couldn't believe that someone wouldn't participate in such complete nonsense. He closed the photo album and looked to Takano with a smile. "Well, then what were you like back then?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

Ritsu, please come home soon to take this idiot off my hands. And then kick him out of your apartment so he doesn't kill you, Takano silently prayed.

When Ritsu walked down the hall from the elevator back to his apartment later that evening the one thing he was not expecting was for Nao to be coming out of Takano's place.

"Thanks for hanging out with me, Saga-san! I had a lot of fun. Let me know if you want a copy of any pictures of Ritsu."

"I do not."

"Aw, why not? I mean, they're not the best quality, but - oh, hey Ritsu!" Nao noticed him and waved with his free hand, the other holding a photo album that documented nearly all of Ritsu's high school shame.

Takano stepped out a bit from his doorway when hearing that, looking toward Ritsu with the look of a disapproving parent. "Onodera."

"Ah, g-good evening Nao, Takano-san..." Ritsu said, standing stiffly. Don't tell me Nao actually showed him those photos, I'll wither away from embarrassment, Ritsu lamented.

"Oh! Takano-san, that's right, damn it! Why didn't you say something? Ugh, I'm so sorry, I keep forgetting." Nao said, the tension going right over his head.

Takano held back a deep sigh. "It's fine." He said.

"W-What were you two doing?" Ritsu asked, trying to sound casual and curious, but his voice was pinched.

"I was just showing Takano-san," Nao smiled as if he were proud of himself, "some pictures from when we were in high school! Him and I are gonna be the best of friends before you know it." Nao said, slinging an arm around Takano's shoulders casually. Takano had an intense thousand yard stare, trying his best not to wish for Nao's immediate obliteration.

"Oh, that's - uh - nice." Ritsu said, hoping for Nao's well being that he would move away from Takano soon.

"How was your visit with your parents?" Nao asked.

"It was fine, but I'll tell you more about it later. I actually need to speak with Takano-san for a bit. In private. Please." Ritsu said. Normally he would not voluntarily put himself in a position where he was alone with Takano - especially when he looked this angry - but he was trying to ensure his friend's safety.

"Oh, okay. I'll see you both later then." Nao said casually, giving a wave before he went into Ritsu's apartment.

Ritsu gave an awkward laugh as Takano crossed his arms. "So...Nao showed you that photo album..." He said with a forced grin. "W-We sure were stupid kids back then."

"You need to kick him out of your apartment as soon as possible. I don't want him staying with you." Takano said firmly.

Ritsu let out an exasperated sigh. "How many times do I have to tell you that there's no need for that? Nao doesn't see me that way, you don't need to be jealous-"

"I know that." Takano huffed.

"...You do?"

"Yes. He's too much of a fucking idiot to be trying to manipulate you or get close to you like that." Takano said. "But he's also such a fucking idiot that he might endanger you again!"

Ritsu slowly processed Takano's words. "I see."

"I mean, what the fuck is the salt and ice challenge?"

"Please don't ask me that question." Ritsu begged, feeling as though ten years had just been taken off his life.

"Is the whole point just to give yourself a burn? Why would you even do that?"

Ritsu wanted to silently face the wall until the end of the time so he would never have to look at Takano ever again.

"Please just chalk it up to the poor decision making of a teenager." Ritsu begged. "But Nao isn't going to try anything like that again, let alone try to convince me to do it too!"

"...I'm coming over." Takano started to take strides towards Ritsu's apartment.

"What? No! Why?" Ritsu stood in front of him, blocking the entrance.

"As long as he's living with you I'm staying over to make sure he doesn't put you in the hospital." Takano said.

"Takano-san, please! I'm an adult! Nothing is going to happen." Ritsu insisted.

I already had such a long day with my parents, I can't deal with both Nao and Takano-san on top of that, even if Takano-san means well, Ritsu thought, determined to stand his ground.

There was no way that Ritsu would allow Takano to spend the night.

"Hey Ritsu, welcome back - Oh - Sa-Takano-san is here too?" Nao said when his dear friend came back in with Takano trailing behind him. Nao certainly wasn't upset by this, just a little confused.

"Yes..." Ritsu answered, hoping he didn't look and sound as defeated as he felt.

"I thought we could all hang out together." Takano deadpanned, but Nao beamed, totally buying it.

"Nice! This'll be fun. Should I run out and get some beer?" Nao asked.

"No!" Both Ritsu and Takano exclaimed. Neither of them needed Nao drunk.

"It's really no problem, I'll be right back." Nao assured, making his way toward the entrance to put on his shoes. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" He called out before he was suddenly gone.

Ritsu flopped down on to the couch as Takano let out a sigh.

This was going to be a long night.

#misscorn #day 3 2023 #onodera ritsu #takano masamune #nao kiyomiya #sekaiichi hatsukoi #writing

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mariellewritesalot · 6 months

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14 Going on 24: To All the Girls I've Been Before

Sometimes I still feel like a teenager in my twenties.

Except not really, because I turn 24 in a few days and I find myself in a small town in Sevilla, Spain with my own apartment just a 6-minute walk from the high school I'll be working in for a school year. I'm doing adult things, like going to the local bakery to order a cake for myself and two boxes of pastries to share with the faculty, paying my own bills, cooking all my meals, booking train tickets for the holidays, and reserving a table at a restaurant in full Spanish without panic. My real teenage self had different dreams fed to her by the innate trophy-daughter urge to please her parents: go to law school, find a nice Catholic boy to marry, and stay in the Philippines forever.

You might have seen it on social media, the teenage girl in her twenties meme. It's a revival of everything we've ever loved growing up as girls together. It's a nice thing, this reclamation of girlhood. An attempt to somehow heal our inner children and reminisce on the times when we were only imagining what it would be like to be an adult. The mythical womanhood. A real 13 going on 30 dilemma. I wish we weren't in such a rush to grow up, but that's the irony of it all. As a grown woman, I often wonder about the girl I was, because despite all this I know I will never be her again.

She was ambitious, naive, too nice, but also a little arrogant it intimidated a lot of people with whom she could have been really good friends. I try to think fondly of the girl I was, and I honor her by preserving some of her interests that will never really go away, even now. I remember every young adult series I was ever obsessed with, alongside the sitcoms with each season I had saved on my netbook. I used to make physical mix CDs and now I curate Spotify playlists. I still get a little excited when a One Direction song plays out of the blue. I hear an indie song from years ago, like now as I type this while Cigarette Daydreams by Cage the Elephant is playing, and wish I could hear it for the first time again. I see old Facebook posts made by teenage me and chuckle at her drama. I unironically consume the Twilight Saga media when I feel a little sad, no matter how cringy people make it out to be. I love pink, books, letters, and stickers. I know every High School Musical song by heart. I have a weirdly specific knowledge of R&B and Hip-hop songs inherited from my brothers. I pray the same prayer at night, the one taught by my parents when I still shared a bedroom with them until I was fifteen.

A little confession: sometimes, despite loving the fact that I am wildly independent, I still miss having my mother around; even if it means having the occasional petty fights. Along with the tiny resentments of never fully living up to the image in her head, failing some of the dreams she also had as a girl, and rejecting the projection. I'm the most stubborn person I know, but sometimes I wish I could crawl under her table at her old office as I did so many times before, and cry before taking that nap I so vehemently refused but always took.

I look at old photos of myself as a teen and wish I was kinder to that girl, so I could unlearn the mean things I think about myself on occasion. One night on a casual doomscroll on Twitter, I read something along the lines of us seeing different versions of ourselves over the years and yearning for those times, how we never fully appreciate the current version until they become another face in a photo from years ago. A memory you didn't know you'd create.

I think about the people I had in my life then: friends, mentors, crushes, classmates, crappy boyfriends (ugh), and want to forgive her for the poor life decisions. She was forgiving to a fault after all, but she still makes me so proud when I remember how she learned her boundaries and stuck with them in the most crucial moments. The ones who were meant to stay are still with me to this day, the others who left have also left their mark on this version of me now, in some way. Some people have already arrived and others I'm looking forward to meeting soon. The growing pains feel especially potent as I continue to learn that change is constant and that sometimes who or what I want isn't necessarily good for me. The universe makes it known too often; I have to learn it by heart at some point.

Ultimately, I'd like to think she'd be so proud of me. Maybe, I turned out better than she hoped. I could also be such a stranger to her, a disappointment; her preparation for the real world. I still have a lot of work to do before I'm the adult she would have trusted and aspired to be, but knowing I'm on that path makes me confident that I can handle my problems like a grown-up. Being in my early twenties is to straddle the line between too young and too old, wanting to always do the mature thing, but sometimes still feeling like I'm a kid playing the role of someone who has it together. I don't. I don't think anyone does, really, not even older adults I know with much more interesting stories and problems. I try not to control everything and let things be because sometimes it's the only thing to do. Plans do fail, but somehow, things always work out for the better.

When I think of that transition from being just a girl to an adult with actual consequences, I remember Rory Gilmore crying in front of her grandfather at the end of Gilmore girls season 5; when she realized that she was no longer the golden child she was, but a young adult that might not be good enough for all of her aspirations.

I think about such tender moments of my girlhood, all the times I was teased for being chubby or having curly, unruly hair that earned me nicknames like Lion King or Hagrid. The first time I ever wore eyeliner to a family Christmas party, an uncle commented with such disdain, thinking I was doing it for attention. I'm weirdly familiar with terms like "malandi" or its English variations, even when I was just being friendly. In my first high school relationship, people gossiped about how my then-boyfriend was only with me so he could get higher grades, not for my looks. I know how they talked about a relationship they knew nothing about, completely overlooking how much I was hurt by this boy they adored just because he played some sport. I remember being a teenager, learning what it means to be attracted to another person romantically, and having a relative tell my mom, "Marielle's so into boys, ano?" even when I was single at the time and didn't really care for anything but starting college. There were weird older men who were creeps, and yet somehow I was made out to be some kind of a mastermind that lured them in. I was just a girl.

The beauty and innocence of girlhood are also marred by these moments of misogyny, sadly looking like a rite of passage every girl I know has gone through--one way or another.

At 16, all the pain I felt then felt like the rest of my life. A few days shy of 24, I realize that some pains are just too great that they will always stay, faintly, but life is so ridiculously unpredictable that there is no way we'll live on without incredible moments to show for it.

I look back on the year I just had in disbelief because so much has happened, most of them completely unexpected while others were dreams I worked hard to make my reality. I finished my undergraduate thesis on Filipino food and restaurants in the Filipino-American diaspora and graduated Magna Cum Laude from UP Diliman. I was in love with someone who I thought fit me so perfectly and felt the full aftermath of that heartbreak, lamented the impossibility of long-distance relationships, and believed I'd never do better; only to discover more about myself in the next few months and move on to a more beautiful love I never thought possible. I got into the 61st Silliman University National Writers Workshop, on my first (and could have been last, because I didn't know then when I'd be back in the PH) try, and spent two magical weeks in Dumaguete learning more about writing with the most amazing group of writers I now consider another chosen family.

I also outgrew some close friends. I had to process this unworldly form of devastation by going through all the stages of grief a million times over. I've reflected on what I can do better to nurture my relationships, and grown more appreciative of the unconditional friendships I have that continue to withstand time. I kept learning Spanish for two years and moved to Spain to explore more opportunities. It's been one of the most interesting years of my life so far, the emotions rising and falling like waves that sometimes consumed me whole. I've been through so much in year 23 that I'm both thrilled and horrified for the big 24, a year away from my expected quarter-life crisis.

I've always loved birthdays, by the way, and maybe I'll move on from it the older I get. I always look forward to the sweet messages and spending time with my friends and family. I like welcoming another year as an opportunity for me to try and do better. For this year, though, I don't have solid plans. It's on a Monday and I have classes to teach until 2:30pm. I reserved a cake with flowers all around it and a dedication written in Spanish, something the lady at the bakery wrote for me. I might take a few pictures with my film camera, invite some work colleagues for drinks, and cook Filipino spaghetti the way my mom does it. Maybe I'll call her, think of the ending to the movie, Lady Bird (2017). I could take the bus to the city center or enjoy a nice dinner alone with my Kindle. I might take calls from my friends and cry over their messages, miss everyone a little deeper.

I'll never be the girl I was, but she's still inside me somewhere. There's comfort in the growth. How to Say Goodbye by Paul Tiernan is playing through my laptop speakers. Someday, I'll look back to this time and remember what it felt like to anticipate my 24th birthday in Spain: a little lonely, slightly thrilling, and inevitably different.

I'll be changed, but not really--and it will be okay.

#mariellewritesalot #daily life blog posts #24th #birthday essay #girlhood

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thevindicativevordan · 3 years

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On Supergirl

Figured I should put up my thoughts about Kara in the wake of her first film appearance being announced, and the final season of her TV show fast approaching. Short version is: Kara is very cool and DC needs to stop messing with her.

My Introduction to Kara

I was introduced to Kara the way most millennials/Gen Zers were I imagine, via the Loeb Superman/Batman arc which brought the traditional Kara Zor-El Supergirl take into Post-Crisis continuity, after years of DC attempting to have a “Supergirl” without violating the editorial mandate that Kal needed to be the literal “Last Son of Krypton” (an example of one of the dumb ways DC fucked Kara over). Story goes that one day Dan Didio was in line at the Superman ride at Six Flags (I love that ride even though it’s stolen my glasses every time I’ve ridden it, even when I left them in a locker!). The ride had signs that talked about various Superman characters. Didio was reading the entry for Supergirl where it talked about her not being Clark’s cousin but instead some weird merge of alien shapeshifter, angel, and human girl, and he realized how fucking stupid that was, and he went back to the office and told Loeb to bring Kara back.

Years later I would also be standing in line at the Six Flags Superman ride (probably at a different park location but who knows?) as a youngster and would read the new Supergirl sign that trumpeted that Superman had a cousin who shared all his powers, an update reflecting the new Loeb origin. I thought she sounded pretty cool, made a note to see if my library had any Supergirl stories next time I visited, then got on the Superman ride and promptly lost my glasses like an idiot because I wanted to take them off while I was riding and pretend I was changing from my “disguise” into Superman mid flight. My dad grounded me for this afterwards, but it gave me a funny story to tell at family get togethers and isn’t that what Six Flags is all about?

A month later (and with spiffy new glasses), my mom dropped me off at a new library next to where she worked, and they had one of the best Superman collections I’ve ever seen to this day. I was in heaven and while reading every Superman book I could find (I couldn’t check them out because I didn’t have a card, my mom’s card didn’t cover the area the library was in, and my mom wouldn’t have checked them out anyway since comics were “too violent”), I found the trade collecting Kara’s new origin. I read it and I thought both she and Superman were really cool, and Batman was a punk who had to beat Darkseid by cheating, the loser. Turner’s art to my young eyes was the best I had ever seen, and the panels got engraved into my brain.

I still get downright nostalgic whenever I see Turner Superman or Supergirl stuff. I also got my parents to rent the animated movie adaption of the Superman/Batman arc from Blockbuster (remember those?), and that sealed the deal. Seeing Kara hold her own against Darkseid convinced me she was as cool as her cousin. Next time my mom dropped me off at the library next to her workplace, I went looking for Supergirl stuff to read. I found the first volume of her new volume by Joe Kelly taking place after the Loeb arc and dove in.

It was... weird. 5 years later I might have enjoyed it but at the time I was majorly put off. Kara took a secret identity for a day and then ditched it because it was “stupid” and the kids bullied her. She was always getting into fights with Kal, and there was this weird plot that I couldn’t follow about how her dad had sent her to kill Kal, maybe or maybe not? Also she could grow crystals which I thought was dumb, and said she was stronger than her cousin which I couldn’t buy for a second given he looked like he was carved out of marble, and she looked like she relied on sunlight instead of food. I put the volume back on the shelf and kinda gave up on reading the character after that for a while.

I followed her via the DC wiki updates just like I did Superman, and everything I read seemed dumb and convoluted. She was split in two, moped around a lot, made out with an alternate version of her cousin, and basically just flopped about the same way the rest of the Superfamily did during the 00s. Nothing made me think I had made a mistake dropping Kara until I read the latest update to her wiki page.

I was super into what I was reading about the Busiek/Johns era of Superman online. Lex was back and making a big revenge scheme that involved all the other Rogues! Old Superman Rogues were getting revamped and made cool again! Johns reintroduced Brainiac and made him a big threat, with Kal and Kara teaming up to fight him! Busiek was revamping Prankster and telling big ambitious Superman stories! For the first time in a long while, the consensus on the Internet was that Superman was good again. My “home” library had zero Marvel books and no Superman or Batman books, all their DC stuff was Flash or Green Lantern, mainly written by Johns. Insane to think back on now. My hopes that because Johns was involved with Superman, Superman books would show up at my library were fulfilled. They started bringing in Busiek and Johns collections, and someone there also ordered Sterling Gates’ first volume of Supergirl, and I checked everything out since I was old enough to have my own library card, and my parents were worried more about the violent video games I was playing rather than comics.

I read everything and loved it. I also really liked Gates’ take on Kara. She was still an imperfect teenager but she wasn’t insufferably angsty or constantly fighting with Kal. She was going to give the secret identity another try and Lana had “adopted” her. It’s funny remembering how I enjoyed all that given my current thoughts on how Kara should work, but it was great at the time. I liked Gates introducing new foes for Kara, some classic Superman Rogues adapted for her like Bizzarogirl, others crafted specifically for her like Reactron. Gates’ basically rekindled my enjoyment of Kara the same way Busiek & Johns rekindled my enjoyment of Superman.

Of course it ended terribly like everything Superman-related seems to.

I’ve got a whole post I want to do about New Krypton and what came after. In short that is the most blatant example of “hitting the reset button” that I’ve ever seen. All the potential got wasted, and afterwards everything except Lex’s Action Comics stuff just didn’t appeal to me. Gates got booted off Kara for Nick Spencer who ended up leaving himself later, a promising Teen Titans line-up with Kara on it didn’t happen, and the last proper Pre-Flashpoint Superfamily story was a crappy team-up with Doomsday against Bigger Doomsday (thank God for Cornell’s final Luthor/Superman confrontation at least). When news of the reboot arrived, I was honestly happy. The Superline needed an enema.

Controversial opinion time: I liked New 52 Supergirl. It’s weird because a lot of the stuff I hated about Kelly’s run was here, and a lot of the stuff I loved about the Gates’ run was not. This was angry, moody, emotional Kara again, fighting with Kal and not fond of Earth. But I was in my teens at this point, and I didn’t want happy go-lucky Superman or Supergirl. I wanted my heroes angry, scared of the future, ready to go out there and smash some cars. Morrison’s Action Comics was 100% my jam (still is once I really understood the deeper meaning beneath the work) and this Kara felt like a natural fit for this universe. Plus we got Asrar on art and that guy made it damn pretty to look at, lots of cool science fiction stuff going on, even with the dumb H’el storyline.

I loved all the new Rogues Kara got. I loved her new Fortress under the ocean. I loved how traumatized she was by the loss of Krypton, that she wanted more than anything to go home, that her cousin was like a stranger to her since they had been apart for so long. I found all of that incredibly relatable. A lot of the New 52 Supergirl stories might have been schlock but it was my type of schlock damnit, and I enjoyed it!

I kept with her New 52 series all the way through the Red Daughter Saga (which I loved). As someone who grew up on Johns GL (since that was the only comics my home library had), seeing a Supercharacter join a Lantern Corp was the hypest thing ever. I loved the finale about Kara finally letting go of her anger and losing the ring while smashing her foe into the sun, it was incredibly cathartic for me as an angry teen myself. I finally stopped following her series sometime after since I was no longer enjoying the Superline or really DC as a whole. It wasn’t until I heard that New 52 Superman died and the “old” Superman was back, that I checked back into DC.

DC Rebirth & How I Think Kara Should Work

I did not enjoy Supergirl Rebirth, and I think I’ll talk about my problems with it alongside how I think Kara as a character should work since the two are related. A pet peeve of mine that has formed over the years is this: I don’t like it when Superfamily members get turned into Clark clones. Kon wearing glasses and going to Smallville High. Kara going to high school and being involved in journalism. Jon more or less being written as a copy of his dad personality-wise. I hate that kind of stuff because it’s boring. What’s the point of a Superfamily if everyone is just copying Clark? It also doesn’t fit the characters especially in Kara’s case. Why the hell does she want to be a journalist? Were there journalists on Krypton? I don’t remember ever seeing one! Shouldn’t she want to be, I dunno, a scientist? That seems to have been the El family tradition, wouldn’t she have been groomed for that?

This one-off by Shea is honestly the only acceptable outcome for Kara going into journalism for me. She realizes she’s just copying her cousin and switches to something she wants to do. So Orlando copying the show, which already basically turned Kara into an expy of her cousin, just did not appeal to me at all. What had worked for me under Gates way back when was not clicking for me this time. I wanted to see Kara embody the principles of the S-shield in a different way than her cousin did. So I really enjoyed when Rebirth ended and we moved into the Bendis era with Andrekyo relaunching the title as Kara in space.

Kara in space has always felt like a good fit for me. Unlike Kal I’ve come to believe that Kara really shouldn’t be all that fond of Earth. For him it’s home, but for her it’s just where she ended up after her real home got destroyed. I think Kara works well as a sort of nomad, occasionally making stops back home to Earth to check on her cousin, but otherwise? She’s more comfortable out in space than she could ever be on Earth. Out in space she can be Kryptonian (which is what she should think of herself as in contrast to Clark being torn between his Kryptonian biology and human upbringing, and Jon/Kon identifying as human), be her true self, not have to pretend to be human to fit in. Kara founding a moon refuge was one of the best ideas for her that I’ve seen, I would love if DC made her Future State refugee center on the moon canon. I’m excited for more Kara adventures in space with the upcoming Tom King story.

Also love that her and Krypto are getting tied together, if they don’t want to use Krypto in Superman’s stuff, let her have him! Bring on cosmic adventurer Supergirl!

Personality & Other Traits

Kara to me should be more hot-tempered than her cousin. All the Superfamily members should have a temper in my opinion, I see that as the “Deadly Sin” of Superman and his family. But while Kal is like a simmering pot that will explode if it’s left cooking for too long, Kara is like dynamite. Light her fuse at your own peril because she will go off on you.

I also like the idea of Kara being rash. Kal’s got a maturity that came from over a decade of having to live with Lex Luthor constantly getting away with all his evil schemes. He’s patient because he’s been forced to be. Kara? If you ask for her help she’ll give it, but beware because she doesn’t really care about the long term impacts of her decisions. She’s an invulnerable teenager after all.

Really liked that Venditti Annual where Kara got tutored in history by a reincarnation of Hawkman. Kara having a passion for history is a neat trait, would be nice to see her teach Kal or Jon some Kryptonian lore, or have her lead a Kryptonian holiday celebration for the Superfamily because she’s the only one who remembers how to do it.

Sexuality wise I know a lot of people ship Kara and Lena on account of the chemistry between the two in the show. I haven’t watched the show myself but I’m fine with making Kara bisexual, the Superfamily could use some LGBT+ rep, and Lena hasn’t done anything of worth as a villain, so undo that and throw the two together. If we’re letting Harley and Ivy get away with murder I think we can let Lena off the hook too, undo the Ultrawoman weirdness and put the two together. Could be fun seeing the two building that moon refuge together.

All in all I think Kara is a great character who is a stronger embodiment of the immigrant experience than even her cousin in some ways. I hope King does a good job with her, she’s treated better than her cousin on the film side, and that overall the 20s are a better decade for Supergirl than the 10s were.

#supergirl #superman #lena luthor #krypto #dc comics

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universitypenguin · 3 years

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What happened to u? U okay?

Hello!

First off, thank you for your concern. I appreciate it and I needed it after the past two days. To answer your question - I'm doing great.

I don’t have a lot of context about your question, but I’m guessing your concern is due to my recent blocking spree. A day ago, I went through my followers list and found some minors. I’ve previously seen smut fanfic writers concerned by underage people interacting with their posts. Until I had to block a few of them, I wasn’t aware how uncomfortable it would make me feel.

Since the blocking spree, I've had a lot of thoughts. I'm about to spew them everywhere. You might regret asking me if I was okay. Sorry about that. No one needs to read this whole manifesto about my rollercoaster of emotions the past few days. But in the interest of transparency, I'm posting this very long note.

What I want my readers to know is the following:

Tumblr is both a place for fanfiction and a social media site.

When I interact with followers and write explicit content, I have to be careful about what I'm saying and who I'm saying it to.

I don't intend to block or purge my followers in the future.

As long as I appropriately tag and put warnings on my work, that is adequate protection for my blog. Everything I write containing explicit content is tagged.

However, I won't interact with users who don't have an age stated in their bio.

There have to be boundaries, given the content of my writing. But I've also come around to the realization that I'm not capable of policing every interaction. Tumblr is a public forum. Minors following me makes me uncomfortable. But by the same token, my work is clearly labeled at 18+ and so is my blog.

There's a lot of explicit content out there for minors if you really think about it. In my high school freshman English class we talked about the book "The Color Purple." Believe me, that was explicit and we were only 14. Any minor with a library card and a Google browser can access a lot more intense content than what I write. I hope they're all being safe, but I can't have a melt down blocking spree again.

I'm not a cop, I'm not a parent, and what minors consume is down to them and the adult responsible for them. If I know someone is a minor I'll block them, should I notice they're trying to interact with me. Otherwise, I'm not purging my followers ever again. It's too much drama. I'd rather leave Tumblr than do that twice. I'm tired and I'm starting to work on my post graduate classes, I work full time in a demanding job, I'm in the process of editing my novel, and trying to keep up with my personal life. Quite literally, I don't have time to block. Writing fanfic is supposed to be my fun time. Let's keep it that way.

Due to the fact that some people I blocked were later unblocked after I took a closer look at their blogs, I'm posting a full explanation below. A quick summary is this:

After only writing for three months, I'd amassed 500 followers. On Monday I blocked almost 200 of them. Then I reviewed my block list and editing down some people who were prematurely blocked. [I assume the anon is one of the unblocked who had me disappear from their dash. Sorry!] This blocking thing isn't sustainable. In the future I'll run my blog differently as far as interaction goes in an effort to be responsible.

Continue reading for the saga of:

The Great Blocking Spree and Existential Crisis of an Erotic Fanfic Writer.

The Blocking Spree:

On Monday I realized a thirteen year old was following me and interacting with my work. This creeped me out.

*Commence blocking spree*

Then I realized how daunting my followers list was. I had 500 followers prior to Monday. That day I blocked about 200 people (some of them prematurely - more on that later.) So after the daunting task of trying to assume, to check bios for ages, to review blog content and determine the user's age, I was tired. Today, I even took a moment to reconsider if I wanted to use Tumblr. Because if all this is my responsibility, maybe I don't have the time or dedication to manage it. When I can be chill, I try to be. This attitude also affected by blocking. It contributed to me unblocking people. When I was doing the blocking spree, I'd give people with no age in their bio a fair shot by reviewing their posts.

I blocked some bot accounts, then a bunch of blank blogs, some ambiguous people who very well could be of age. For the first 100 followers I was pretty aggressive. Then my attention span dropped off and I was a bit more ambivalent. I realized I was doing a crappy job of moderating and wondered what the point was.

The point was that the thirteen year old interacting with my work freaked me out. When I found two sixteen year old followers, it pushed me to continue the purge.

So on I go, blocking. I'm so responsible for doing this, right? But my methodology is crap. What is context for being an adult? Someone had posted about budgeting advice. I thought the budgeting advice was too good for it not to have come from an adult. But my father's a financial advisor and to be honest, I could have given that level of advice at fifteen just from osmosis. Someone had pictures of themselves entering their marijuana plants in the Oregon State Fair. Okay, you've got to be over 18. I didn't block them. Someone else complained about their stats professor and I didn't block them. But in retrospect, one of my high school friends got permission to take college level math courses when we were seniors. She was seventeen when she had a stats professor. The thought circles back - what am I accomplishing here? Next, I went back and unblocked someone who ranted about her Tinder matches being 60 year old men. I wondered if their post was even real. I've lied on the internet before. Nonetheless, I persisted and worked through all 500 followers. When I was done I had 312 followers left.

Post Blocking Spree Existential Crisis:

I know that all the blocking in the world can't stop a teenager who wants to read smut fanfic. I'm not much for posting on social media and I'm not used to a lot of anonymous interaction online. Honestly, I got rid of my SM accounts during college when I felt it was wasting my time. This is the first time I've really use a social media site to post content since college. My twitter account is unused, my Instagram is for close personal friends only, and my TikTok is for mindless consumption of cat videos. (I've trained the algorithm to feed me only cat videos, it's great and I highly recommend it.) I don't post on TikTok, so I don't consider it full use, just lurking.

Okay, Alice, get back to the point....

Right, being anonymous on social media. My blocks are a fence and it's based on self identification from the blogs that follow me. I have little faith in underage consumers to out themselves. I have even less faith in their honesty or respect for an adult's boundaries. They're at a stage in life where they want to push the boundaries. Telling them no is all but inviting them in. I did my blocking spree because I was worried about backlash from someone's parents. But what reasonable judge would come after a fanfic writer? Come on. Logical thoughts but me emotional distress was still brewing.

Why I am the one responsible for who clicks the follow button on my blog? I've always clearly identified what I write and tagged my work as smut.

That thought snapped me out of my whirlwind of anxious thoughts. So I started looking into the laws. My regular work involves medicine, not the legal profession, so I was lost. I found some state level laws that made me glad I'd gone on a blocking spree. California and Florida have specific language in their laws about 'providing minors with explicit content.' But what exactly is that? What I researched applied to the following activities: co-writing smut fanfic with other people, sexting, roleplaying and online messaging.

I run a fanfic blog with limited interaction. I've never done an ask. I don't roleplay on here and I don't want to.

The blocks weren't personal. They were partly based on the awareness that Tumblr is an interactive site and a place that's had a problem with child pornography in the past. But I'm not the smut police. I suck at blocking, and I doubt I did a good job of purging my followers list. This is when it hit me that boundaries are only what I can enforce. They've never been about how other people relate to me, only how I relate to them. (Wow. I've never sounded more like my mother in my life...) After this thought, I started considering what actions I ought to take if I wanted to keep posting fanfic on Tumblr.

My Post Blocking Spree Clarity...

It's up to me who I interact with. I don't have to reply to every comment and re-blog, but I'd like to. I'm stuck between wanting to write for everyone and handling interactions on a social media site that's mostly anonymous.

The fact remains: I can't be the smut police because I suck at it.

What I've decided is that I'll make it very clear on my blog that this is an 18+ space where I publish erotic fanfiction. Smut will always be appropriately marked. I'm not going to interact with reviews, re-blogs, and messages from accounts who don't have their age in their profile. I won't include them in my tag list either. The internet is a public forum. Just as with publishing erotica, once it's out there online for download, it's done. As a ghost writer and an author, I don't control who buys my original fiction, which is just as spicy as my fanfiction. (Trust me, it's explicit. I once had a romance editor tell me I should dial it back on the smutty parts of a novel because "it's a lot of sex for a non-erotica market.") The key difference on Tumblr is about interaction. And that's something I can control. I can decide when I reply to other users. What brought me around to this was the realization that even after the blocking spree, I can't review every single like I get. That's an amount of time and mental energy that's beyond me. Just the past two days have been exhausting and sapped my will to write. Which sucks because I need to go write the next chapter of "Restitution" before tomorrow.

I think the reasons I went on the blocking spree are nuanced. The thirteen year old freaked me out. So did the other underaged people who had ages in their bios. But it also relates to my work. In my job I've seen some nasty child abuse cases. Early on in my career, when I was a 23 year old new hire, I was working on an autopsy for a child abuse victim who'd been murdered by their parent. It was so terrible and graphic, I had to ask one of my older colleagues to take the case. This colleague didn't like me. But she took one look at my face and took the file. She closed out the review without a question and never brought it up again to anyone. I was very grateful. Where I used to work (and where this incident took place) was a major city that holds the unfortunate title of being the human trafficking capital of the US. And something I learned working there was that most human trafficking victims go with their captors willingly. In two years at that job, I never saw one who'd been kidnapped from a dark alley like you see on TV. They were all groomed on social media and thought they were escaping their families (who were often overbearing, toxic, or dysfunctional) for a get away with friends. It was a fun adventure with their internet buddies, until it wasn't.

In retrospect, the underage interaction I found on my blog made me react because of what I've been through. The autopsy case kept coming back to me today while I was at work and I've finally untangled my emotions enough to figure out what caused my melt down. When I was blocking, I was feeling an anxious motivation that I know can only stem from the stress I deal with at my job. Don't feel sorry for me about this - I know my work in medicine helps a lot of people and it's a tremendously satisfying career.

Our Saga's Resolution & How I'm Going to Deal With This In The Future...

- - - - -

In post block clarity, I offer this conclusion:

I'm writing on a public forum. My work is appropriately tagged as smut. In the future, I will also use the tag #no minors to help with filtering. I've always asked underage people not to interact. And on a public forum, what more can I reasonably do? Going forward I will only interact with those who have their age posted in their bio. But blocking sprees and policing every interaction isn't feasible.

I'll review how I'm going to run my tag lists as well. I need to think it over and let my followers know my decision as to if I'll continue using them. Because tagging is definitely interaction and my current tag list was not screened at all. *face palm*

Finally, to my readers who have blank blogs or don't have an age listed. I respect your right to privacy and I'm careful with my personal information as well. But I've also had an uncomfortable two days. If you've lasted through this venting session until now, you must understand that I'm upset by underage interaction. I'm setting my own boundaries and going forward, I'll own my side of the internet. No interaction from me, unless I know your age. Full stop - no exceptions. I think it is reasonable for me to suggest that you leave something on your blog that signifies you are not a minor, whatever that may be. Someone who I didn't block that stands out in my memory had a bio that said "90s baby." It was simple, direct, and left no doubt they were over 18. No age reveal and not even a name. If you put something like this on your blog it'll help explicit content creators feel more comfortable about their interactions.

I went on a spree this Monday and I admit to being heavy handed and aggressive about pruning followers. I had an emotional reaction due to work stress and I didn't think things through logically. I'm relieved for the chance explain myself and set new boundaries that I'm capable of sticking to in the future. But remember - the block button is on my side of the screen. At the end of the day, you might be unhappy with me for the block, but it's my button, it's my blog, and I'll use it as I see fit.

Thank you for reading.

#tw vent #tw child abuse #tw trauma #tw violence #tw human trafficking #penguin blog update #new rules #i'm sorry #its been a long week #I almost left tumblr over this #blocking spree #clarity #smut #no minors #smut fanfiction #smut writing #smut blog #I talk about my work trauma from medicine #boundaries

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christinesficrecs · 4 years

Note

First off, I love ur blog like. A probably unhealthy amount lol. Second, this virus got me feelin hella anxious so can u rec some cute/happy fics???

Thank you so much!!! I can most definitely rec some happy fics!!

HNWFS - Hot Neighbor Who Fixes Stuff by AsagiStilinski | 6.6K

"Hot Neighbor is coming over!? Why!?"

"To fix our air conditioning! Isn't that great!?"

And thus began the great saga of Stiles, the hot neighbor who's name he kept forgetting to ask for, Scott's never-ending quest to find something else to call Hot Neighbor- because apparently he has a DIFFERENT Hot Neighbor- and the crappy house of crappy appliances that keep threatening to drain Stiles and Scott's bank accounts.

Give Me All the Peace and Joy in Your Mind by secondstar | 6.3K | Explicit

Derek didn't care for the company of people. He'd rather be surrounded by his dogs, alone. Well, until he keeps seeing a guy around town. Everything comes to a head when Derek walks into a bakery to find the same guy, covered in flour, grinning at him.

That Time Derek and Stiles Had to Get Gay Werewolf Faerie Married, and Lived to Tell About it (not that they will) by lupinus,uraneia | 4.8K

To build an alliance with the fae, Derek has to prove he's willing to make a commitment. And that he's capable of satisfying the party he commits to.

Fae marriages don't always take the same way other marriages do anyway, so it's totally fine. Derek can get this over with and then pretend it never happened.

Except the faeries want him to marry Stiles.

One for the memories by DropsOfAddiction | 16.4K | Explicit

“You know? Do I look alright?” Stiles says, gesturing to himself and he turns around, giving Derek the full picture. He might wiggle his ass a little for extra effect.

“It’s an old country pub. I’m sure you’ll be the best dressed there,” Derek shrugs casually, but it sounds a little choked.

“Would it kill you to give me an actual compliment on my birthday?” Stiles jokes, not really expecting an answer.

Derek shifts from foot to foot, clearing his throat.

The Epic Love Story of Wolf and Twister by KeriArentikai | 11.6K | Explicit

Stiles has a tiny adorable hyper puppy. Derek has an awesome huge Malamute mix. They both go to the dog park a lot.

Coaches Cupcake Coffee House by ChildOfTheRevolution | 4.8K

Danny looked at him as if he were crazy, ‘It means he wants to ride the dick Stiles.’ He said slowly, as if talking to the mentally insane.

‘Ride the dick, my dick?’ Stiles asked weakly.

‘Figuratively speaking of course, Derek looks more like a topper to me. And you, my friend, are a twink of the most twinkiest standards, but I’m not one to judge.’

boys will be boys by HalfFizzbin | 1.3K

Schedule a parent-teacher conference with the Hales at your own risk.

A Story of A Selkie & An Unintentional Proposal by ajeepandleather | 4.8K

For the prompt of Person A accidentally proposing to Person B (who is a selkie) by returning their pelt

the distraction by bleepobleep | 3K

Derek stares flatly at the huge bin of condoms in the health center they had set up in the Olympic Village. Their shiny foil packets glisten, as if they’re mocking him.

A almost has-been, a young hopeful, and too much protection.

everybody loves good neighbors by stilinskisparkles | 7.6K | Mature

What about an "everything run-down and suddenly a guy falls through the ceiling; now there's a hole in the ceiling of my bedroom"-AU thing?

Dinner and a Movie | 2.3K

“So,” Stiles says, slumping down in the chair across the cafeteria table from Derek. “You and me. Friday. Dinner and a movie.”

Derek chokes on his lima beans and drops his book.

“Two weeks of epic dating and then the biggest, loudest, most public breakup this school has ever seen,” Stiles barrel on. “It’s perfect.”

How Derek Got His Groove Back by WhoNatural | 4.3K | Explicit

Cora kicks him under the table. “Do you have the hots for the baby lawyer?” she hisses urgently, and Derek blinks at her, feeling his face heat.

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s young enough to be my--”

“Younger brother,” she cuts in, and shakes her head. “Age difference excuses do not fly with me. Are you gonna ask him out? Derek, you need to do something about that.”

#asks #sterek #ficrecs #fluffy fics #happy endings #theypanickedatthewrongdisco

494 notes · View notes

ineffectualdemon · 5 months

Text

You know my mother wanted my sibling and I to fit her image of what she wanted her kids to be. Which meant she never met us

Which is really sad for her because she could have been hanging out with two really awesome and interesting people and she blew it completely

Sucks to be her honestly

#the saga of my crappy parents

98 notes · View notes

leverage-ot3 · 4 years

Text

notable moments from The Stork Job

leverage 1.06

Joe: Where is he? What have you done with him?

Dana: Why haven't you returned our calls?

Joe: Did you think we'd just go away?

Dana: We’ve given you the money. What else do you want? (approaches Irena) What have you done with Luca?!

(thug grabs Dana and pushes her aside)

Joe: Dana!

(Joe goes to help Dana and is stopped by the thug. Joe punches the thug, who then beats him into the ground as Irena and Nicolas walk away. Thug leaves, and Dana crawls to his side)

yo can we take a moment to respect and love these parents??? like technically luca was just a kid they were going to adopt but these two were ready to THROW DOWN for him because even though they didn’t really know each other, he was going to be their kid if that’s the last thing they did

- - - - -

Dana: $120,000. We had to take a second mortgage out on the house.

Nate: Well, we can get the money back.

Dana: We don't want the money. All we want is Luca.

Nate: Right. (looks at picture of Luca)

we love to see the clients being noble as hell

- - - - -

Eliot: Are we seriously considering this, huh? Swiping a kid?

Nate: Yeah, well -- What happened to you?

Eliot (scrapes on his face): Well, how was I supposed to know it was a lesbian bar?

...I bet it was from something fucking stupid

eliot “distinctive” spencer would have known it was a lesbian bar

(edit: I heard that on the commentary for that episode CK got the injury from trying to play football while wearing cowboy boots and honestly what a chaotic fav)

- - - - -

Eliot: How do we even know this kid is an orphan?

Parker: See him pocketing those cookies? He’s hoarding food. That bag on the table -- he keeps his essentials light and portable. He knows he's gonna be taken away at any moment. And there, when she goes to touch him, he flinches. He’s expecting… for her to... Trust me. He’s an orphan.

parker’s Tragic Backstory™ is about to be told in 40 minutes, let’s go

- - - - -

Sophie: Hey, can we -- can we stop off in Paris on the way?

Nate: Uh... maybe on the way back.

Sophie: Cool

sophie loves paris and was so happy and excited im-

- - - - -

Parker: Yes. And she's with someone.

Eliot: That’s never stopped me before

parker, rolling her eyes: bruh

- - - - -

sophie being “princess magda of slovenia” rb if u agree

- - - - -

Nate: You know, just hurry up.

Hardison: It’s not so fun working in the crappy command center, is it? No, see, you're usually off doing your European spy thing. Well, welcome to my world.

(Computer shows facial recognition program working on picture Eliot sent. Hardison offers Sophie a bottle of pop)

Hardison: Orangescu?

even in a foreign country hardison manages to get something akin to orange soda

- - - - -

Sophie: Who was it? -- Dagmar from the car-rental place was a lovely girl, but listen, Irina’s a professional grifter. She's gonna see straight through your moves. She does this for a living. You know, gets people to like her and trust her, even to fall in love with her. She doesn't do this for sport.

Nate: Mm. Sounds like someone I know.

s a v a g e

- - - - -

Nicolas: Beautiful name for a beautiful lady. Tell me, Hardison, what brings you to Serbia?

Hardison: Oh, do my fangs and cape frighten you

hardison being Done™ with a skeevy guy hitting on parker and making jokes to ease the tension 🥰

- - - - -

parker says that sleeping is one of her hobbies and honestly bitch me too

- - - - -

Parker: It’s amazing how far Serbia’s come, but the scars must still be there. I mean, all the families who suffered during the war.

Nicolas: Yes, but history always has its casualties.

Parker: Yes, but those families and those children.

Nicolas: It’s tragic, yes. But the strong, the smart, the... the beautiful, they survive.

[Flashback]

(Joe, Dana and Luca on home move.)

Joe: Smile!

Dana: Smile.

(A young Parker swinging, cuts to Luca sitting in the car that will take him away, cuts to young Parker on a merry-go-round, cuts to Luca being driven away)

Woman: What’s wrong?

(a young Parker in a car holding her bunny, cuts to Nicolas driving the car that takes Luca away)

Nicolas: It’s time to go.

[American Embassy]

Nicolas: Not everyone is worth saving.

(Parker gropes behind her and grabs a fork from the table, stabbing Nicolas with it. Everyone in the room looks in their direction)

parker’s past is developed a lot in this episode and we love to see it + bby you can stab anyone you want

- - - - -

parker fucking yeeting out the window is me after I do anything remotely embarrassing

- - - - -

Eliot: I’m lucky to have you on such a short notice. (takes paper from man) Zhavaliti. Is that right? Zhavaliti? Thank you? See? Yeah? No? Welcome to the set.

Hardison: Fire in the hole!

(Hardison sets off explosion of flame behind them)

Eliot: Yeah, it's exciting, isn’t it?

Irena: yes.

Eliot: That guy's our special-effects guy. He ain't all there.

friendship means gently bullying each other

- - - - -

Parker (sits down near prop truck): This is ridiculous.

Hardison (sits down next to her with fake gun): Tell me about it. We’re supposed to believe these are real?

Parker: This is what he expects me to do, fetch scripts and water?

Hardison: No, it's a trust thing. He just needs to know that you’re gonna go along with the game plan.

Parker: Yeah, yeah. I get it; we're a team.

Hardison: A little more than a team. I’m just saying

this was such a big episode for parker and her opening up to the team (hardison in specific)

- - - - -

Hardison (picks up papers): Sophie, are you -- seriously, Sophie. It was supposed to be a two-page scene between Irina and a boy.

(Eliot grabs pages)

Sophie: That’s still the heart of it.

Eliot: "The heart of it"? There’s like 10 pages here! You have a stunt. You have special effects.

Parker: "Sister Magda crosses and gets a loaf of bread." Wait, who's sister Magda?

(Sophie rolls out dramatically wearing a nun’s costume while ethereal music is playing)

Hardison: Tell me you didn't see that coming.

(Eliot grabs the pages and walks away)

sophie: is dramatic

eliot: surprised pikachu face

hardison: ??? were you expecting something else

- - - - -

Sophie: Listen. All right, look, look -- look at all this. This is my world, okay? You need -- you need someone to, I don't know, crawl through an air duct, you call Parker. Bash her head in - Eliot. Internet porn -- Hardison. If you need someone to take over a movie, then...

Nate: yes, an -- an actor. Right

sOpHiE bRuH

poor hardison, he never gets enough credit

- - - - -

Nate: And... cut!

(everyone claps, Sophie sits up, smiling)

Eliot: She can't act.

Nate: She can act when it's an act.

Eliot (going to Sophie): Unbelievable.

Sophie Really?! Really?!

Eliot: Yeah, really. It was great.

eliot is such a supportive friend because literally his jaw dropped at her acting and literally the first thing he did when they said cut was rush over to her and compliment her

eliot is secretly a hype man disguised in many layers of gruff

- - - - -

Hardison: Just take it slow until she leads you to Luca.

Parker: I can't believe they sent you to babysit me.

Hardison: I’m here on my own

hardison cares about her so quickly I’m soft

- - - - -

parker’s haunted look and glassy eyes when she stumbles into the room with all the children? her heavy breathing? how she has to brace herself on a bed frame so that she doesn’t fall over? heartbreaking

- - - - -

[Harbor]

(van pulls to a stop and Parker and Hardison get out, Parker pacing nervously)

Parker: This isn't just an adoption scam.

Hardison: I know. I already called Nate.

Parker: These are arms dealers, and they're using the orphanage for cover.

Hardison: I already called Nate. Now, look, we can go over this with the others back at the hotel.

Parker: We have to bail.

Hardison: No. no, no, no. What about Luca and the others? We can't leave them like that.

Parker: Why not?

Hardison: You don't mean that.

Parker: You think this is the only crappy orphanage in this place? This is a country full of orphans, okay? We can't save them all.

Hardison: No, but we can save this one. Parker, we can -- we can save this one. Look, I know growing up was tough. I-I know that you -- you grew up in the system. It was -- it was bad. I know. It was, it was worse than bad, but that doesn't mean that all foster parents are monsters. Mine wasn't.

Parker: You grew up with your grandmother.

Hardison: We called her "nana," but she was our foster mom. She, uh... she -- she would cuss like a sailor. The old girl would tan your ass just as soon as look at you. But -- but she fed us, she bathed us, she put a roof over our head. And, oh, she would raise hell if you so much as looked at us crooked.

Parker: Yeah?

Hardison: Yeah.

Parker: Well, you were lucky. No. We’ll put these kids in the system, and odds are, they're gonna -- they're gonna... (trying not to cry) they're gonna turn out like me.

Hardison: I like how you turned out.

(Parker breathes hard, getting control of herself)

Hardison: Let’s go

this whole conversation was a lot meta wise but also this was one of the real defining moments in their relationship in s1. it’s also one of the first times parker starts to open up to the team for real, even if it’s only hardison

also, I personally will never get over the “I like how you turned out”

- - - - -

Hardison: I ran humpty and dumpty through the usual databases. Chechen separatists. Seriously bad dudes.

(Eliot chuckles)

Hardison: After reading their bios, I don't think I’m ever gonna sleep again.

Eliot: Never tell a Chechen his sister has a nice smile. Trust me

eliot is an idiot

- - - - -

Nate: Okay, let's go. (leads Luca forward)

Sophie (in Serbian): Everything’s going to be okay. Do you understand?

Eliot: Maybe this will help.

(Eliot leads Luca over to the Mortons)

Dana: Hi, Luca. Do you remember us?

(Luca smiles, Dana hugs him)

Dana: Thank you.

Joe: Thank you so much. Come on.

(The Mortons and Luca get in their car)

Eliot: I got to tell you, I had my doubts at first, this feels pretty good

and the eliot-being-soft-around-kids saga B E G I N S

- - - - -

parker trying her best to translate but just making the kids giggle

“men will sadden you” same

and what gets the kids up and going? Haagen-Dazs

- - - - -

fierce, determined parker beating up scumbags is my sexuality

parker isn’t violent a lot in terms of being anywhere close to the team’s fighter/hitter, but she fights so hard for the kids in this episode and it’s one of the only times we see her fight fight and that shows just how much she cares

- - - - -

Parker: Shh, shh, be quiet, they have armed guards at that door.

(door bursts open and a man falls through. Eliot stands in the doorway, looking angry)

Sophie: No, they don't

her team always has her back, even if they’re angry at her trying to go at it alone

- - - - -

parker spreading herself out to cover as much space as possible, bracing herself to get shot over and over with the hopes that at least none of the kids will im-

she’s so selfless sksjdnnsns

- - - - -

eliot being all gruff that things happened the way they did but smiling at the exploding building because they did it and the kids were safe

- - - - -

THE FUCKING PROP TRUCK PLAYING SPOOKY AND WEREWOLF NOISES AS THEY DRIVE AWAY JUST TO MOCK THEM

bonus: nate’s “anD CUT”

- - - - -

Parker: Hey, how did you know I’d be at the orphanage?

Nate: Thank Hardison for that. (follows Eliot)

Hardison: You know you could have gotten killed. Did -- did you even have an exit strategy?

Parker: I didn't really think that far ahead.

Hardison: You don't work alone anymore. You know that, right?

Parker: I know.

Hardison: We're a team…?

Parker: We're a little more than a team.

this important conversation but also HARDISONS SMILE

- - - - -

Parker: (gets on the van) Hey, Nate. I have to tell you something.

Nate: What is it?

Parker: We have to stop at Hagen Daaz.

Children: Hagen Daaz!!!

after all that they deserve like a billion pints of ice cream

#leverage #the stork job #leverage 1.06 #leverage 1x06 #notable moments #mine #leverage season 1 #season 1

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freebooter4ever · 4 years

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The Thrilling Conclusion to the Naked Snafu Invades Eugene's Apartment Saga, inspired by this and also this drawing by @badgerms - I needed to make Snafu happy

Warnings: nudity, brief mention of Snafu's dick, more goofy intimacy than explicit

"Though after tonight, now that Eugene knows how miserable his couch is, he might have to start saving up for a new one. He can't let Snafu continue to sleep on this reddish-orange, lumpy, prickly thing from the 80's.

Better that Snafu sleep on something reddish-orange, soft, and born in the 80's - like, say, Eugene himself."

Eugene chooses the couch. The minute he lies down, he regrets his choice. The cushions are so thin they almost don't exist. Whenever he moves the damn things squeak. And he swears each individual spring is poking into his body. Even if his thoughts weren't racing in circles trying to understand Snafu's behavior, Eugene thinks he'd still be kept awake all night by this uncomfortable couch.

How does Snafu sleep like this three days out of the week?

It's never three set days - some weeks it's more; some weeks less. As far as Eugene knows, Snafu technically doesn't rent a place anywhere and instead divides his time amongst his friend's couches.

"Semper-fi," Snafu says, if anyone asks.

Eugene never questions it, and maybe that's why Snafu seems to spend more time here than anywhere else. Though after tonight, now that Eugene knows how miserable his couch is, he might have to start saving up for a new one. He can't let Snafu continue to sleep on this orange, lumpy, prickly thing from the 80's.

Better that Snafu sleep on something orange, soft, and born in the 80's - like, say, Eugene himself.

Eugene rolls over restlessly and promptly receives a sharp poke to his ass from one of the springs.

He definitely needs to replace this couch.

If only because the other option - suggesting Snafu share his bed instead - is completely inappropriate.

Eugene opens his text messages and scrolls past the various group chats that take up half his phone storage. Snafu starts these chats with random friends of his and then somehow pulls Eugene into them.

Eugene scrolls and scrolls until he finds Eugene Number Two. He needs expert advice. And there is only one other person in the world who knows more about Snafu than Eugene does. It's only a strange coincidence they have the same name.

Eugene needs to know if Snafu's exhibitionism is equal opportunity or selective. After much deliberation about how to ask this, he decides to go with the direct approach.

Eugene to EugeneTwo 3:45am - 'does snafu ever sleep naked on your couch?'

EugeneTwo to Eugene 2:46am - 'If he ever tried his bare ass would be tossed out into the snow.'

EugeneTwo to Eugene 2:53am - 'Why do you ask? Is Snafu sleeping nude on your couch right now? You have my permission to toss him out. Be merciless. I know how you get when he gives you that kicked puppy look. Don't fall for it.'

Eugene to EugeneTwo 2:54am - 'right now hes sleeping in my bed naked but it started on my couch.'

EugeneTwo to Eugene 2:55am - 'Ok, I do not need to hear about your sex life'

Eugene to EugeneTwo 3:00am - 'no sex'

Eugene to EugeneTwo 3:01am - 'i took the couch''

Eugene to EugeneTwo 3:01am - 'do you think he would though?'

Eugene to EugeneTwo 3:02am - 'trying to gauge my chances here'

EugeneTwo to Eugene 3:05am - 'He's in your bed naked Sledgehammer, what do you think?.'

EugeneTwo to Eugene 3:05am - 'You are both dumbasses though so 0% chance is my prediction.'

EugeneTwo to Eugene 3:05am - 'Good luck.'

EugeneTwo to Eugene 3:07am - 'Use protection. Snafu's backpack, side pocket with the snap. You should have no trouble finding it.'

Eugene Number Two, aka Roe, is studying to be an EMT, so he's always harping about health or venereal diseases or something or other. Eugene never pays attention to any of it. He kinda hopes Snafu does.

Eugene sits on the couch and surveys the room. Snafu's backpack seems to be missing. It's either in Eugene's room with Snafu or as mysteriously disappeared as Snafu's clothes.

Eugene sighs. Sex with Snafu was a zero percent chance for him anyway, Roe said so. And Roe tends to be irritatingly accurate when it comes to Snafu. It's always been a bit of a competition between them over best friend status in Snafu's heart. The other Eugene usually wins. Roe has more history with Shelton - they grew up in the same state, raced boats with homemade dangerous motors in the same swamps, ate the same weird fish.

Except Snafu doesn't get naked when he stays over at Roe's place. Eugene doesn't know if this new development can be considered a win or not.

Probably not. It's just another thing to add to the list of weirdness Snafu knows he can get away with around Eugene.

Eugene opens his phone again and rereads the messages. With noted emphasis on the one telling him to be merciless. He does give in to Snafu's esoteric demands a lot more than is probably healthy. He should stand up for himself more.

It's that thought that gets Eugene off the couch and into his bedroom. He stands in the narrow space at the foot of his bed and stares at Snafu's peacefully sleeping form. All he can see is the top of his curly head. The rest of him is a lump underneath the covers, smack dab in the center of the bed, like goldilocks. There's maybe a foot of mattress space left for Eugene on either side of Snafu's body.

Snafu is sleeping curled up with his head pillowed on his arm, so Eugene struggles with a brief internal debate over which side he should take. He settles on the front - logic being that he's already seen everything there once. He might be immune to the sight now. Quickly, before he can have second thoughts, he slides underneath the bedspread and sheets.

Snafu's eyes pop open immediately. Eugene suspects he wasn't actually asleep. Snafu grins at Eugene, but doesn't move, not even to make more room on the bed. It's an awful tight squeeze, with the three of them on there.

Because sure enough, clutched tight in Snafu's skinny arms, is Eugene's childhood favorite stuffed animal. Eugene thought he hid Minky well enough this time. He put the stuffed animal at the bottom of his underwear drawer and assumed his friends would never dare paw through his unmentionables. Eugene needs to adjust the assumptions he makes based on previous life experiences. Previous life experiences rarely apply to Snafu.

"I can't believe you still sleep with a stuffed animal, Gene," Snafu says mockingly, even while his chin is neatly tucked over Minky's plush shoulder and one of his arms is wrapped around the stuffed monkey's body.

Eugene breathes deeply and resists the temptation to throttle his hypocritical best friend.

"My mom sent him to me," Eugene protests.

"She send you the baby food in your kitchen cupboards as well?" Snafu asks, his grin widening.

Eugene can feel his face getting hot. "She worries about me," he says, "She thinks I'm lonely. I think she's projecting. My dad bought her two giant life-sized teddy bears after I went away for college. They sit at the dining room table when Edward and I aren't there. I think that gave her the idea to mail my old stuffed animal to me. Minky just shares my bed sometimes. I don't cuddle with it. Not like you're doing right now."

"You lonely, Gene?" Snafu asks, turning the words into something far more provocative than they should be.

"No," Eugene says firmly. He swallows with great difficulty.

Snafu's smile disappears. He slides himself backwards in the bed to give Eugene more room. Eugene takes it. But he quickly discovers Snafu failed to move his feet over as well, and his feet are ice cold. Snafu worms one foot in between Eugene's calves, and Eugene bemusedly accepts the fact that if he is going to get the use of his own bed, he is also going to be used as a foot warmer.

"You're definitely the baby in the family, Sledgehammer," Snafu decides.

"I was," Eugene admits readily, unashamed, "What about you?"

"Eldest," Snafu yawns, "More like a crappy parent than a brother."

Snafu curls tighter into a fetal position. His foot migrates from between Eugene's calves to between his thighs. A highly distracting position. But Snafu looks so...sad...that it's hard to read anything into it more than Snafu's constant need for contact. There's a wall up between them tonight that isn't normally there. Snafu holds Minky in front of his body, with his elbows and knees poking into Eugene's space like a barrier.

Eugene is seized with a sudden desire to hug him.

He wonders, if he picked the other side of the bed, if Snafu would've let Eugene wrap his arms around him. If Eugene could hold him, just as Snafu is cuddling with the damn stuffed monkey. To press his hand against Snafu's bare stomach. To feel Snafu's back against his own chest. To kiss his shoulder. To whisper 'I love everything about you, even the weirdness. I don't understand it, but I get it. I see it in myself sometimes, too,' in his ear.

"Are you lonely, Snaf?" Eugene asks.

Snafu is already asleep.

Eugene takes a while longer to fall asleep. It's one thing to have already seen Snafu stark naked. It's another thing entirely to have the same situation play out in this context. Where he can't see it, but he knows it, and that's almost worse.

Eugene reaches his hand down to lightly hold Snafu's ankle where it's wedged between Eugene's legs. He runs his thumb along the knob of bone and the dip underneath where Snafu's ankle connects to his heel. There's dried dirt caked there - of course there is, this is Snafu after all - and Eugene chuckles. He softly rubs Snafu's skin clean.

Snafu smiles, once again not actually asleep though his eyes are still closed, and wiggles his toes.

Eugene smiles back, helpless in the wake of affection he feels, and squeezes Snafu's ankle comfortingly.

This time Eugene does fall asleep.

He dreams of Snafu on top of him, kissing him. It's warm and sweaty underneath the thick blankets, the air cold as sin outside them.

When he wakes Snafu is gone. The first thing Eugene sees when he opens his eyes is Minky's button-eyed face. The stuffed monkey's plastic nose is pressed right up against Eugene's like a kiss. Snafu must have placed him there after getting out of bed.

Eugene reaches out, grabs Minky, and pulls the stuffed animal tight to his chest, hugging it like he hasn't done since he was...well...if he's honest maybe fourteen or so - he was a soft child. His heart aches terribly right now, and he figures that's as good an excuse as any for a cuddle. He burrows deeper into the covers and tries to hide from his thoughts.

Fuck, he hopes Snafu doesn't decide to do this again. His heart can't take it. It's reduced Eugene to this. Lying here while his heart aches. And aches and aches.

Wait. Actually, that might be his stomach.

As soon as he thinks about it, he feels a grumble. And, yup, that pain he feels is his stomach. He might have forgotten to eat before bed last night, what with his living room being too full of a sexy cajun exhibitionist to leave room for anything else.

Still not completely awake, he staggers out of his room and starts towards the kitchen to answer his grumbling stomach. He notices a crop of curls crouched down on the kitchen floor and forces his eyes open wider to see what it is. When he does see, he is momentarily dazed in shock.

Snafu is sitting in the middle of Eugene's dropped pile of graded papers. His face is scrunched tight in concentration as he sorts where one sentence leaves off at the end of a page and where it begins on another.

"You're reorganizing my papers?" Eugene asks.

Snafu looks up guiltily, "Yeah."

"Thank you…" Eugene stutters.

"I felt bad," Snafu explains, "My fault you dropped them…" He lets go of the page he is reading and scratches the back of his head self consciously.

The messy pile surrounding Snafu's bare knees is significantly smaller than Eugene remembers it being last night. As evidenced by the neat stack on the kitchen table beside Snafu's head. Snafu must have been up for hours already to have gotten this far in the organizing.

And menial labor is the thing Snafu hates most in the world. ("I grade tests for no man," Snafu once said when the two of them were locked in a hotel for a week with a whole host of science professors to score the AP exams)

Yet here Snafu is, calm as he pleases, kneeling on Eugene's floor in his boxers and sorting through the most boring essays on cell biology ever written.

Hold on - Eugene recognizes those lime green and orange boxers.

"Snafu, what happened to all your clothes?" Eugene asks.

"That fucker Mackenzie cheated in poker," Snafu scowls, "Hate that guy."

"Are those my boxers?" Eugene asks.

Snafu shrugs and without turning away from his work, says, "Yours are more comfortable."

They should be, Eugene thinks, they're silk.

And fuck, that's the last straw. For some reason Snafu wearing his best - his favorite - underwear is the thing that breaks the camel's back. Eugene is fed up. There is no excuse, not for this big of a breach in personal boundaries. Friendship be damned.

Snafu fails to notice the turn in the tide, innocently shuffling the last few pages around. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say these kids never opened a biology textbook before," Snafu comments, "Gene, half of these essays don't make sense even when the pages are put back in order…" Snafu continues rambling on about the unfortunate state of the American collegiate system and our unfortunate focus on standardized testing over deeper literacy, due to it being more expensive and time consuming to test writing skills and critical thinking.

It's a well traveled train of thought for them, and one both Eugene and Snafu have discussed at length often enough that Eugene doesn't even need to pay attention to know where Snafu's headed. There is a comforting familiarity to hearing Snafu chatter half to himself and half to Eugene while he works. And Eugene agrees on all his points. Normally he would join in. But...

"Snafu…" Eugene tries to interrupt.

"If we just had more bodies in the public school system, instead of allowing people with means to circumvent communal education by paying for elite charter and private schools…" Snafu rambles on.

"Merriell," Eugene says desperately.

When even the use of Snafu's given name fails to catch his attention, Eugene knows for certain Snafu is a lost cause in his train of thought and not about to surface anytime soon..

Thus he is caught unawares when Eugene leans down, pushes demandingly into Snafu's space, and plants a firm kiss smack dab on his lips. Eugene squeezes his eyes shut - his mouth is hard, and the kiss is less romantic and more an act of desperation - to see if Snafu's incessant goading and prodding actually means anything - and to put in his own request for something more. Eugene pulls away quick and opens his eyes to see the answer.

Snafu immediately drops the papers and grabs onto Eugene instead. His large, warm hands slide around the back of Eugene's neck and pull him in. He kisses Eugene like nothing else matters.

Eugene, still standing awkwardly, tips over and loses his balance. He careens into Snafu and knocks them both to the cracked linoleum floor. Their kiss breaks and Snafu is laughing. He cradles Gene's face in his hands, stares up at him with enigmatic eyes, and laughs at him.

Eugene stares back in panic, beginning to worry he just made the biggest mistake, and ruined the deepest friendship he's ever experienced.

Snafu sits up, not taking his eyes off Eugene, and brings their faces closer together again. Neither of them speak. Eugene hardly dares to breathe.

He calms down a bit when Snafu places his palms flat against Gene's chest. Snafu smooths the wrinkles out of Eugene's pajama shirt, and runs his fingertips across Eugene's initials embroidered into the breast pocket.

Eugene watches all this exploration unfold, trying to pretend he's not heavily invested in the outcome. He adds no commentary either, for fear of changing Snafu's mind.

It tests his patience, waiting. The time it takes Snafu to undo the first button on Eugene's shirt would make a slug seem speedy by comparison. But one by one, the buttons open up, and the shirt comes off, and Snafu moves on to Eugene's sweatpants, painstakingly untying the drawstring. Snafu manhandles Eugene into a standing position in order to get those off. Eugene's boxers are last, pulled down without ceremony. And then Snafu stands with him, and takes a step back.

He draws his eyes slowly down Eugene's form - Snafu's face a picture of concentration as hard as it was when reading the biology papers. Finally, he brings his gaze back up, and meets Eugene's eyes. A knowing smile crawls across his face.

"Wow," Snafu says. The tilt of his head is a little too sarcastic for Eugene's comfort.

Eugene straightens his shoulders, and tries to stand a little taller.

"Got all your clothes off, and I didn't even need to beat you in poker," Snafu says with pride.

Eugene's shoulders slump in defeat. If he had thought Snafu would magically transform into something other than his emotionally-distant, constantly-deflecting-real-feelings self, he was wrong.

"I'm going back to bed," Eugene grumbles. He ignores his painful stomach telling him he forgot to eat again and stomps through his living room.

"Don't you need your pajamas?" Snafu calls after him teasingly.

"Read the sign!" Eugene replies and slams his bedroom door shut to drive his point home.

He dives underneath the covers and intends to stay there for the rest of the day, hunger and bathroom needs be damned.

But sure enough, not too long after Eugene's tantrum, the door of his bedroom opens once more. He is not surprised.

"Didn't you read the sign," Eugene accuses, loud enough for Snafu to understand his muffled voice underneath the covers.

"I did," Snafu says. The bed dips in a way that suggests Snafu is sitting next to him. "And I'm willing to take that risk.".

Eugene flops the covers off his face and looks begrudgingly at Snaf.

Snafu grins. He reaches over and drags his fingers through Eugene's hair. Eugene can feel the static cling crackle against his skin where his hair is sticking out at odd angles.

"Snaf, it's not a risk if you like me too," Eugene complains wearily.

"Yeah it is," Snafu says as he stands and wiggles out of Eugene's expensive silk boxers, "It's always a risk." He pulls the covers back more to reveal Eugene completely, and climbs onto the bed.

Eugene tries to maneuver out of his way to give him room, but Snafu rests his hand over Eugene's arm, and Eugene stops moving.

Until he shivers.

"I turned off the heat, like you asked," Snafu says proudly.

"A few hours late on that," Eugene points out.

Snafu shrugs. He climbs over Eugene, and sits on his stomach with a knee on either side of Eugene's body. His eyes never leave Eugene's face. Snafu is looking at him with a funny little smile, the one Eugene only sees when Snafu is well and truly enjoying himself.

And there - for one minute - there is that face, those eyes, that look, that Eugene can never resist as Roe so kindly pointed out. Snafu looks happy, but in a nervous way like he doesn't trust his own happiness.

Eugene could probably be content simply sitting and admiring Snafu all morning. Except for one small detail that suddenly consumes all of Eugene's attention.

Snafu's dick is hard.

Eugene can both feel and see (if he is brave enough to cast his gaze a little lower) the state of things.

"Did Mac take your backpack too?" Eugene asks.

"Yeah," Snafu says, looking confused, "Why's it matter?"

"Roe stashed some condoms in there," Eugene explains.

"Oh yeah?" Snafu asks with a triumphant grin sitting straighter and cocking his chin, "What you gonna do with a condom if you had one, Sledgehammer?"

Eugene sits up, wrapping one arm around Snafu's lower waist in order to slowly slide him down off Eugene's chest and into his lap. It puts them more on an even level.

"I don't know," Eugene says honestly, "Anything you wanted, probably."

Snafu's devilish grin disappears. He falls completely silent, and lets his hands rest lightly on Eugene's shoulders. Eugene's never seen Snafu timid, until now. He doesn't like it. He wishes he knew how to restore that confidence. Maybe this was Eugene's mistake. Maybe he turned this too serious, made it mean too much. Maybe he wants too much.

"It's okay, Snaf," Eugene whispers and holds him close while trying to read his thoughts through his eyes, "It's okay."

This time Snafu is the one to break the tension. He cups his hands behind Eugene's head and brings their lips together. The kiss is sudden and intense - as if when Snafu finally gives himself permission, he releases all his emotions at once. It's a little overwhelming, being the sole focus of Snafu's unleashed feelings. Like Eugene is holding an uncontainable ball of energy.

And Snafu won't stop pressing closer, and Eugene refuses to take his hands off him - so he responds to every roll of Snafu's hips by pulling him in even tighter. They tip backwards and land flat on the bed, and Eugene relishes in the full weight of Snafu on top of him, kissing him - more vivid and warm and alive and clumsy than any dream could imagine.

Eugene is fumbling, and a bit shy. Snafu more than makes up for it, guiding Eugene's hand to all the right places. They never do find any condoms. Just as well - neither of them last long, rutting up against each other like teenagers brand new to this game.

Eugene definitely is new to this. He technically still classifies as a virgin. On the other hand, Snafu's experience hovers somewhere around expert level. It's cute though, to see all Snafu's experience and bravado humbled in the face of wanting to impress Eugene.

It's also extremely messy, which isn't something Eugene had ever considered. And he is fastidious enough to insist they shower off together. Eugene gives himself a perfunctory scrub down, and then leaves Snafu lingering in the steam filled bathroom in order to go out to the kitchen and make breakfast. Eugene starts cooking bacon - the only food he never ruins - before he even puts on clothes. He fails to consider the hot grease. He learns pretty quickly why some things shouldn't be done naked, so he wraps a towel around himself for safety's sake.

Snafu doesn't leave the warm shower till the bacon is done, and then the two of them curl up together on the couch to watch a movie. It feels like any other slow moving Saturday morning they've spent together. Except this time before Eugene can seat himself, Snafu drags the towel off him, as if nudity is a requirement to this new shift in their relationship. The silly, ebullient grin on Snafu's face when Eugene complies with his silent request is enough to quash any of Eugene's insecurities about being naked in front of him though.

Snafu takes one end of the couch and maneuvers Eugene into sitting between Snafu's legs, with his arms around Eugene's waist and the plate of bacon within easy reach on Eugene's lap. Every so often one of Snafu's hands slides underneath Eugene's elbow, steals a slice, and retreats back behind his shoulder, and then Eugene hears the sound of munching in his ear. In between bites, Snafu places gentle kisses on Eugene's neck, and Eugene knows he'll be smelling like bacon for days.

When the bacon's gone, Eugene slides farther down his seat so he can lean his head against Snafu's shoulder and get more comfortable. Snafu gives a pleased hum and twists his fingers into Eugene's still damp hair - either detangling knots or creating them, Eugene can't tell.

"Do we need to go out on a date to make this official?" Eugene asks.

"Official?" Snafu wonders.

"You're gonna be my boyfriend, right?" Eugene asks, twisting so he can look up at Snafu. He realizes belatedly how childish that sounds. More like a naive, inexperienced spinster too old to be asking or caring about such questions.

"Sure Sledgehammer," Snafu laughs, "You gonna give me your class ring? Get me one of your orchestra letterman jackets that I can wear around? Let everyone know you're mine?"

"I'm not in orchestra Snaf, and it's marching band that gets the jackets," Eugene says.

"Fine then, one of them marching band jackets," Snafu drawls.

"I'm not in marching band either," Eugene says, amused.

"Then what is that thing you get all dressed up for every morning?" Snafu asks.

"The NROTC?" Eugene clarifies.

"Yeah, that," Snaf says.

"That's not a marching band, Snaf," Eugene says patiently.

"Whatever it is, you always look hot," Snafu says, "marching around in that tight little uniform."

Sledge coughs, startled by the compliment and the leer Snafu gives him to go along with it, "Hot? Well. Yeah I guess the uniform can be really sweaty sometimes. Especially in the sun."

"Can I have the jacket to wear?" Snafu asks hopefully.

"No, I need the jacket," Eugene tells him, "It's not like a letterman's jacket, Snafu. It doesn't even have my name on it."

"I'd like to fuck you with the hat on," Snafu comments.

Eugene closes his eyes, as if that hides his reaction to Snafu's words, as if Eugene can't feel his face burning, "We are leaving my uniform completely out of this relationship, Snaf."

"Relationship?" Snafu echoes, sounding lost.

"Yeah," Eugene says softly,

"That what you want?" Snafu asks, disbelief in his voice.

"Of course, Snaf," Eugene says, unwilling to be intimidated out of making this decision. He shifts in Snafu's lap and turns around so he can look his boyfriend in the face.

"Okay then," Snafu says cautiously, "Sure. We can date. If you're serious."

"I am serious, I want all of you Snaf," Eugene leans forward and places a hand on Snafu's hip, " - want to spend time with you intentionally, not only the random evenings you crash here just 'cause you have nowhere else to go."

"That's not true," Snafu drawls dismissively.

"What's not true?"

"That I got nowhere else to go. Burgie and Flo set up their extra bedroom for me. S'where all my junk is," Snafu explains, "I just like your place more. It's comfortable."

"Snafu," Eugene admonishes fondly, "I happen to have first hand experience that says this couch is the least comfortable sleeping couch I have ever laid down on." He leans closer and closer, brushing their noses together, a soppy smile on his face.

"Better not use it for sleeping then," Snafu retorts, in a dangerous tone that really Eugene should be recognizing by now. Somehow Snafu slips out from under Eugene, flips them over, settles himself at the opposite end of the couch, removes the bacon plate from Eugene's lap, and goes down on him.

Eugene lets out an involuntary yelp of pleasure, and snags his hand in Snafu's unruly hair (neither of them bothered with personal grooming after the shower).

No one hears the front door of Eugene's apartment click unlocked.

"Hey Eugene, I heard you yell, so I know you're awake. I just need to borrow a cup of sugar. I'm making pop tarts from scratch and I didn't realize I used all my sugar last week for the apple crumble...HOLY FUCK!"

"Bill!" Eugene exclaims, "Not now!" Snaf's mouth is still on him, but as soon as he pulls off he'll leave Eugene bare to the world.

Eugene's warning comes too late, Bill is already clutching at his face, "Oh, my eyes!! My eyes!" Bill staggers backward and crashes into the wall next to the door.

Eugene's skin is turning hot pink. He's never been this embarrassed. He scrambles to sit up and belatedly realizes he never got around to buying throw pillows for his couch. He pries a cushion from the frame instead and hides behind it. Snafu sits upright next to him and casually reclines against the couch. He spreads his legs obscenely and glowers at Bill, but otherwise is as calm as you please.

"My eyes!" Bill cries out again, flailing desperately.

Fully covered and feeling more confident, especially given his new status as Snafu's boyfriend, Eugene finds it in himself to be annoyed. After all, it was Bill who used the spare key Eugene gave him for emergencies to walk into his apartment uninvited. "Bill, quit acting like you've been shot," Eugene snaps.

"I think I have been shot," Bill complains, "What is this searing pain behind my retina??" He dramatically slides down the wall and flops to the ground where he lies boneless.

"Bill…" Eugene says patiently.

"I have never, ever wanted to see that much of Snafu's ass," Bill moans.

"You would be so lucky," Snafu retorts, still scowling.

"Bill, if youl want the sugar, the bowl is in the narrow cupboard beside the oven," Eugene says, and then glances sideways at Snafu, "I don't think Snafu is gonna cover up, though."

"No! Fuck, I'm leaving," Bill reaches blindly for the door knob and pulls himself to his feet. He hobbles the few steps through the doorway, "Those stark tan lines...they'll be etched in my brain forever after this. Why??? Why me?"

The minute the door closes, Snafu stands. He stalks over to Eugene's bedroom door, rips the warning notice down, stomps over to the front door, opens it wide, slaps the sign on the front of it, and slams it shut.

Eugene sighs. He follows Snafu's lead and gets up to shove the couch cushion back in place. He also goes into the kitchen and finds the sugar bowl. Nudging Snafu out of the way, Eugene opens the front door and sets the sugar bowl down on the welcome mat.

"He'll be back to get it," Eugene explains.

Snafu says nothing, but after Eugene closes the front door for a final time, Snafu pushes him up against it and kisses him silly. At first Eugene's a little overwhelmed by the ferocity. Then Snafu kisses slowly down Eugene's neck, then his sternum, then his belly, then continues to do that which was so rudely interrupted before, and then Eugene is very extremely overwhelmed. In a good way. so good he almost collapses, but Snafu holds him up.

He's pretty sure he makes a number of new noises too, and he desperately hopes Bill returns to retrieve the sugar bowl later rather than sooner.

When they finish and Eugene slumps on the ground and leans against the door - and Snafu sprawls in his lap facing him and leans against Eugene's shoulder with a smile like the cheshire cat - there is a loud rap on the door.

"So Eugene, from the sound of things, I take it you aren't a virgin anymore," Bill proclaims loudly through the door.

"Go away, Bill," Eugene calls back.

"Thanks for the sugar," Bill yells as they hear his footsteps retreat down the hall.

Snafu stays at Eugene's place again that night, and keeps staying every night after.

To save Bill's eyes they start putting Snafu's warning sign on the apartment door in the hallway whenever it's necessary. Which is quite often. And everytime they do, without fail, Bill walks by at least once and hollars, "Congrats on the sex," at them through the door.

("Stop yelling in the hallway," Burgie complains, "Bad enough they announce it with a sign, you needn't act as town crier for the two of 'em. We don't need this, Bill.")

Snafu finds this hilarious, and glows with pride. Eugene's feels a little more awkward about it all, but he is grateful for the privacy the sign offers (he can never remember how many spare keys he gave out to friends, and he knows for sure Bill duplicated the key and gave it to another friend at least once), and he is a little relieved to no longer be known as the blushing virgin of the apartment complex anymore.

Honestly, he doesn't see how it was anybody's business in the first place.

"You can't go through college and remain a virgin, Eugene," is what his brother Edward told him.

Somehow Eugene doubts Snafu is quite what his brother had in mind for Eugene, but he doesn't care. Snafu and Eugene go on a couple dates, just to make it public. And everyone acts surprised - not by them being together but by the realization that they weren't before.

Even though Eugene steadfastly refuses to wear it himself, Snafu does wear Eugene's spiffy Marine Corps hat in bed once. For the next week afterwards, Eugene finds it hard not to get turned on every time he dons his uniform. Nevertheless, Eugene still won't let Snafu borrow his jacket and wear it around campus. As a compromise Eugene pins his extra insignia to the collar of Snafu's own jacket. Snafu wears the jacket daily - despite the humidity of summer afternoons.

After a couple months, Snafu finally officially moves all his stuff from Burgie's place to Eugene's. Burgie buys the two of them a slow cooker to celebrate. At first Eugene is confused by this gift because he can't cook to save his life and everyone knows it. But Burgie just smiles, gives him a knowing look, and says "I'd offer Snafu ours - he uses it more than we ever do - but Florence would have my head."

Snafu's cooking is never conventional, and never includes the same ingredients twice, yet it always tastes amazing. Eugene chalks it up as another one of Snafu's personal mysteries that probably should never be explained. Eugene tries to return the favor by surprising Snafu with dinner one saturday night. He ends up setting the oven on fire.

Snafu arrives home after work and finds Eugene sitting on the kitchen floor, his back against the fridge and his feet stretched out across the linoleum. He taps his foot impatiently against the oven door and stares intently through the glass. Snafu bends down and peers into the oven from a distance.

"That little ball of flame in there our food or a science experiment?" Snafu asks cautiously.

"Our food," Eugene says curtly, "Don't worry, I cut the heat off. And the fire'll run out of oxygen soon, anyway."

Snafu delicately steps over Eugene's legs and then settles next to him on the floor. "Promise me you'll never use my slow cooker?" he asks.

Eugene holds up his hand and sticks out his pinky finger.

Snafu grins wide and hooks their pinkies together, shaking on it.

"Wanna see what I've been working on?" Snafu asks, shrugging his canvas duffle onto his lap. The duffle conspicuously has "Eugene Bondurant Sledge" stamped on it's side, but Eugene lets it go.

"Sure," Eugene says, leaning in closer to rest his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder.

Snafu unrolls the duffle and sticks his hand in. He hesitates, and says, with a teasing glint in his eye, "You won't try to throw it on the fire for kindling?"

"No, Snafu," Eugene rolls his eyes.

Snafu pulls his hand out to reveal a beautiful, meticulously detailed, carved wooden pipe.

Eugene immediately sits up straight and holds his hands out, all his cooking woes forgotten.

Snafu chuckles and drops the pipe into Eugene's outstretched palms.

Eugene gingerly stabilizes it, glaring at Snafu for dropping it like it's nothing. One day Eugene will convince Snafu that his handiwork is worth something. He holds the pipe up and runs his hands across the carvings in awe. The shapes and markings on the intertwined leaves are accurate enough that Eugene can name each plant species.

"Snaf…" Eugene whispers.

"See? I do pay some attention to all that useless bio knowledge you try to cram in my head," Snafu boasts.

"Snaf," Eugene reaches with his free hand to cup Snafu's face and tilt his chin towards him for a kiss.

Snafu goes in smiling.

Eugene throws a leg over Snafu's waist, and Snafu guides him into his lap. Before things get too heated, Eugene carefully slides the pipe onto the nearest counter. And then they fuck on the cold bumpy kitchen tile.

They forgot to put the sign on the door, but thankfully no one needed sugar tonight.

Eugene smokes his pipe for the first time that night while Snafu has his preferred cigarettes. He and Snafu lean over the air conditioner unit on opposite sides, and pretend that the tiny two inch crack of fresh air between the unit and the wall helps their apartment smell less like smoke.

Eugene proudly lights his new pipe, and watches Snafu's eyes and teeth glow with joy as he does it.

For as long as Eugene has known him, Snafu spends nights and weekends working as the foundry and wood shop manager at the college. During most of the year this means he's responsible for keeping students alive and in one piece. Surprisingly, he's actually good at it. Accidents went down by seventy percent after they hired him. Which is why the college looks the other way when Snafu spends most of his summer hours experimenting.

It's where they met, actually. Eugene made the inadvisable choice to take a ceramic paint and glaze chemistry class. What he didn't realize was that he would actually need to sculpt something. He spent many many long nights and weekends in the clay studio, and still ended up with a lumpy blob instead of a self portrait. Luckily, his long hours also meant he ran into an offbeat looking, bright-eyed artist who never introduced himself by name but sculpted Eugene's final project for him anyway. In return Eugene did Snafu's science homework. It became routine, and when Eugene discovered Snafu was sleeping on the shitty foundry couch each night, he offered Snafu the use of his apartment then and there. Snafu took him up on that offer regularly, and the rest is history.

Come to think of it, Eugene still does Snafu's science homework. Although after having tried to sleep on his own couch, Eugene isn't convinced Snafu didn't get the worst end of the deal. It baffles him, why Snafu would've kept sneaking into Eugene's place to lose sleep on a shitty couch.

Till one evening, over a year into their relationship, Eugene is once again reading before bed. This time Snafu is dozing on top of him, stark naked in a comfortable familiar way, with his arms wrapped around Eugene's waist and his face turned in towards Eugene's stomach ("Your gut is softer than your bony chest, Gene"), Snafu lifts his head up, scoots forward, and rests his chin atop Eugene's textbook. He lays there, studying Eugene's face and thoroughly distracting Eugene from his reading for a while until Eugene gives up and looks at him.

"Maybe it wasn't your couch," Snafu admits, "Maybe it's just you that's more comfortable."

Eugene smiles, pulls Snafu in for a long, lingering kiss, and abandons his book to the nightstand. "I put the sign up already, before we went to bed," he whispers to Snafu, trying to make his voice as seductive as possible.

Snafu grins and eagerly drags Eugene's shirt off over his head, "Always on top of things."

"You know me," Eugene teases. He rolls them over to get Snafu underneath him - sweet and precious and butt naked.

Snafu wraps his legs around Eugene's waist and gives him an encouraging kiss.

But instead of escalating, Eugene pauses to bask in the warmth of their embrace. "Merriell," he croons into his boyfriend's neck, "I lov…"

"Congrats on the sex!" they hear Bill yell loudly as he stumbles drunkenly home through the apartment hallway.

Screw the new couch, maybe it's time Eugene got a new apartment.

Snafu starts laughing, but with the way he is looking at Gene there is no doubt in Eugene’s mind that Snafu returns his interrupted sentiment.

#sledgefu #bad germs

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danielleriley04 · 4 years

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I know it's Star Wars Day, but am I the only one still feeling bitter about The Rise of Skywalker? After five months of stewing over it, I have to get this off my chest.

*Warning- spoilers and long rant on TROS ahead*

1. JJ Abrams was my favorite director, but this movie made me lose faith in him because it was SO BAD. And the fact that it's supposed to be the last film in the Skywalker saga makes JJ's failure even worse.

2. Rey's story. The whole Palpatine grandbaby thing was stupid to throw in last minute. I preferred her as a nobody who builds her own legacy, and she could have still struggled with the Dark Side. Also, they set her up with a soulmate (super rare Dyad in the Force, two that are one, etc etc) and then killed him off 5 seconds after they kissed, AND THEN made her go live alone on another barren desert planet, because apparently our badass Jedi doesn't deserve the family/love she's always wanted.

3. Ben Solo deserved better. I wasn't really a fan of Kylo Ren, especially in The Force Awakens. But that's kind of the point, isn't it? He goes through three movies on a journey of development and redemption, loses both parents who believed in him, and finally finds the strength to turn from the Dark Side. We get five minutes of awesome redeemed Ben Solo, then he gets pushed aside by a comical villain and everybody, including the Force ghosts, forgets about him. And when he crawls back to save the girl who just saved the galaxy, the last living Skywalker up and DIES. The end. No last words. No mourning from Rey. No recognition of his sacrifice. Just a happy fun time Resistance reunion montage. Come on Disney, even Darth Vader got a funeral.

4. The plot holes. Palpatine survived? 🤷‍♀️ Finn has a confession to make? 🤷‍♀️ Hux is a spy? 🤦‍♀️ Rey runs off by herself for the third time because reasons? 🤷‍♀️

In summary, the "last" Star Wars movie was a crappy end to the nine film saga, and I still feel insulted when Disney promotes it. Will I still watch the movies? Yes. Will I be excited for future Star Wars stories? Probably not.

#the rise of skywalker #still angry #ben solo deserved better #rey deserves better

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spiltscribbles · 4 years

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10 Different Characters, From 10 DifferentFandoms, And Tagging 10 Different People

I was tagged by the ever lovely soul HMS-Chill and this is so hard but like I think I got a good list? So in no particular order….

Eliza Schuyler Hamilton (Hamilton) » Like idk if we’re suppose to explain, so I’ll keep it short. She is the brightest fucking star of them all, and she is so brilliant and so beautiful and so wonderful!! And I cry every time I think about her because she went through so much hurt and heartbreak but she is an angel and she always got what she set her mind on and truly if you just looked at my tag for her you will understand fjoiaejfoiaer 2. Annabeth Chase (PJO Saga) » Honestly part of my pan awakening, i’ve been in love with her since I was an 11 year old kid LMFAO. She was so tough and her back story with her dad was so heartbreaking and she tries so hard and she loves so much even if she doesn’t show it and she loves other girls and JFC the fact she was the only one of the seven without ~magical~ powers just makes me love her all the more!!!! 3. Adam Parrish (TRC) » It would not be an over exaggeration to say that I would die a thousand painful deaths merely to know that he is happy…. I love him with my entire heart and soul and he deserves every ounce of goodness that this damn crappy world can offer! His story arc in TRC was so heart wrenchingly beautiful and him in the Dreamer trilogy is just, I can’t breathe I love him so much!!! 4. Katara (ATLA) » It’s frankly embarrassing to think about the massive crush I had on her without realizing how gay I was for her fjioajrfioajer She was beautiful and she manipulated my favorite element and she was a fucking loud feminist and she is in touch with her heritage in the tribe and she is my sunflower baby!! 5 Baz Pitch (Carry On Trilogy) » Okay just straight up, I would’ve loved him despite it all, but when Rainbow dropped in the fact he was half Arab, and I got— Representation???? Me????? Holy fuck!!! And she even brought up how his Ma was too dark for other British Wizards to trust her and just, wow I felt seen! Okay but back to my tragic baby! He is snarky and he is brilliant and he has impeccable taste— even if the love of his life is a God damn mess mjfoiaejfoierkdl And God the storyline brought up in Wayward Son, connecting with his vampire identity! I just know that’s finna fuck me up in the last book so just he is my child that I must protect and hide at all costs!!! 6. Amy March (Little Women) » Listen, she is the love of all my days and she is so fucking remarkable! I know I’ve said this about everyone— surprise surprise I’ve got a type— but she is so beautiful and so brilliant and so fucking amazing!! I’m so thankful for 2019 for giving us Florance Pugh who really just breathed her to life in such vivid and remarkable ways and that speech she gives Teddy in the art studio just forever will give me chills! I’ve always said this, I definitely embody Joe, but I am so smitten with Amy, with her shrewdness and her wit and her sense of duty. She was this lovely frivolous girl, which is good and perfect already, but then she grows up into a lady who still loves all the indulgences of life, and is well aware to her status, she wants to marry well because she wants to help her family but she’s always known she would. And she gets what she wants by working within the system, and I think that’s so fucking bad ass! But then she also gets to end up with her first love! Just JFC I’m far to emo about her fjoiarjfoa 7. Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place) » It was so fucking hard choosing between him and Eleanor, because I identified so hard with the latter— especially with some things with her parents— but Chidi is my pure angel child who I must protect at all costs! He was always the sane and truly good one and he was so neurotic and so kind and so smart and JFC him shirtless jfoiaejfuoehrugi Just love this little bean! 8. Prince Henry (RWRB) » He’s this precious and angelic academic, like how could I not be in love??? Seriously, henry just breaks my heart into a thousand little pieces and he’s so endearing and good and he has so much love to give but he also has this sadness that’s just so tragic and so interesting to look into and he deserves so much warmth and love and he got that! Him and Alex you guys JFC talk about making me weak! Okay look I just love him and I will always protect him!! 9. Amy Santiago (Brooklyn Nine Nine) » She’s my top tear sergeant princess!! She’s so funny and neurotic and strong and fearless and compassionate and good! And she can be feminine while being a bad ass and so fierce! And she’s so beautiful!! And I just adore her to bits!! 10. Alec Lightwood (Shadowhunter Chronicles) » Okay you guys know how there are some characters you just latch onto? Like he’s not always great *Cough cough original trilogy** but like he is my child okay! Every time I read about him, or he’s alluded to, or just thinking about him I just smile. That little soliloquy he gives Izzy, I think in City of fFallen Angels? Like when he’s describing the paper cuts, God I still get chills, i related so fucking hard. And he was so afraid in the first couple books but he’s learned to love himself and be open and be proud, and seeing where he is today, with his job title and his family and just all of that— JFC I’m getting chills thinking about it. I just love him so much!!!! 11. Natasha Rostova (The Great Comet) » Okay okay Linda I know! I’m cheating! It’s suppose to be ten!!! But you haven’t taken account, I DON”T CARE!!! I had to include my baby my girl my star child! She was just here to hav a good time okay!! She knows that she’s beautiful and she was horny and it’s such a simple story, but it’s so sad and tragic, like her last song with Pierre makes me cry every fucking time, when he describes her limp arms at her side and you think about he described her as the life of the party when she was younger and society didn’t get it’s clutches on her yet! That just broke me. I think so many girls can relate to this story of being “a ruined woman” and it’s disgusting that our society still has these acts, and just I love this girl so much, and I want to protect her from all of it! And god of course Denee’s heavenly voice and gorgeous face just endeared me to her even more fjoierjfoiaerjf!

Remus J Lupin » Plane and simple, he is the greatest love of my life and that’s just simply on facts and the Marauders era is the reason why I even love Harry Potter as much as I do. JFC he is so fucking wonderful.

Okay wow I went on for SOOOOO LONG!! JFC I need to learn how to shut up jfoairejfdjsoijw

But okay ready to tag some wonderful peeps!!!

•Adverbialstarlight •Tinyarmedtrex •Pastelle-Pvn •Maraudereasmut •Kirito-potter •Celiabowne •omgcmere •TedddyLupin •Saywhatjessie •Oldkingyounggod

#annabeth chase #Adam Parrish #Amy March #Baz Pitch #Henry Fox Mountchristen Windsor #Alec Lightwood #Katara Atla #Chidi Anagonye #Natasha Rostova #Amy Santiago #Len Prattles on #about me #tag game #literally my life

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pearlescent-princess · 4 years

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I must've had the saga of all dreams today. The continuity of it between brief awake states is something I haven't experienced all that often. It was rather fascinating. I will be brief in a few portions for length and memory's sake.

At the beginning of this dream, I had gone to this art museum. It was exactly the same one I had been to before. Just a different season. It was winter now and my pink dress was meant for summer. After the gallery, my parent and I went through the snow to the sculpture garden. There was a tower back here that we went up. It was meant to be a small exhibit. Going in, I saw a box and mirror together. This is where I was struck by a feeling of urgency. That I was told I needed to leave this place, this area, and go elsewhere. It directly lead into the next portion.

I was doing normal stuff at the time. Mostly with my partner and family. It was a little odd since there was an inclusion of lilo and stitch experiments/cousins. Something earlier told my partner and I that we had to move from our current state. It was urgent and we needed to go in a day's time. This saying was merely a reminder as it had happened earlier. We needed an item from one of the cousins and I snatched it away from them. It was ours, a small green gingham blanket. My partner and I went home together. Evading a 3rd party. My family left together in a different direction. It didn't matter as we both ended up at the same place.

My partner and I talked while we were at home. I paced about what we should do. They suggested I start packing all my necessary items. I looked at them and go "So I basically take what I can and want?" They nodded and took my hands in theirs, squeezing them gently. I go to pack and end up leaving without them and instead with my family. My brain decided on Wyoming as the destination. That was the "safe place". I knew I was feeling sad to leave a place I was fond of though.

Small pitstops along the way were mainly filler material. Primarily stopping at a secret witch library with fancy technology. I went in for a while to look for space-themed books and geography items. I did not stay long even if were kept hidden from authorities. Another portion was where it was just my partner and I. At a grocery store that ended up being a religious service in a different area. Really odd since it was set up like a town. They served crappy hashbrowns. The last stop was at a place in another state as we were nearly there. Primarily a department store of sorts but quite rundown. We met someone slightly famous and it got weird.

Finally we made it to this beckoning brown house. It interrupted my dreams within dreams several times. It was where I knew I needed to go. The house itself was frankly shuttered down and ominous. Not a warm welcome. I had gone in first only to find out by someone who did occasional upkeep that it was haunted. It was. I heard but did not see the spirits. Dogs in one area, and people in another. I yelled to keep them in line and they went silent. I thought of banishing them and doing a large cleanse as something icky lurked there. My partner arrived shortly after I entered. We were setting up our new room on the 2nd floor. Apparently an elderly woman who owned the house died in it. Not something great. I spoke out asking if they could be a kinder presence and make the room safe. I did feel a noticeable difference in the energy and talked to my partner again. We chatted about we were in unfamiliar territory.

Towards the close of the dream, I looked outside through an attic window. Much less foreboding than the rest of the wood paneling interior. I could see the sun outside as were surrounded by trees and a few other houses. I didn't think much at the time but felt at peace.

#dreams #monarch's musings #for w/e reason my partner's last name was 'Torqus' & if that is my brain saying 'use the turquoise dummy' fine #odd dream but I did take melatonin since my brain is a quite an ass and doesn't shut off. no thoughts just awake #long post

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winterune · 4 years

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Well, that’s one more anime ticked off my 2019 watch list. I still have...I don’t know how many I have left ^^; Maybe I’ll finish those spring leftovers first haha, then maybe I’ll finally watch the part 2 of Shingeki no Kyojin Season 3 (for which I would need to rewatch part 1) and Vinland Saga. Well, anyway, let’s get into it.

Hoshiai no Sora - Thoughts and Musings

This anime was...one hell of a ride. Okay, maybe not as much as Beastars was (though, Beastars wasn’t really emotional per se, but rather an anime that tackles really heavy topics), but the emotional roller coaster throughout its 12 episodes was really something to reckon with. Honestly, I wish this was a two-cour anime instead of a one-cour, because the 12-episode run doesn’t give it enough time to really flesh out all their characters and give everyone a satisfying ending.

I mean

As long as he’s alive, we will never be free. I’m ending this.

What kind of ending is that??? *flips table* (beware of spoilers)

In its heart, this is a story about trying to find your place in a world that is trying to box you in. It’s not just your average sports anime about a weak sports club trying to gain its reputation back. It’s more than that. We have this cast of seemingly stereotypical characters, but right from the very first episode, we’re immediately given a tease of a dysfunctional family in our two main leads: Maki with his single mother as a parent and his abusive father still terrorizing them from time to time for money, and Touma who doesn’t have a good relationship with his mother for unknown reasons. And it turns out, the rest of the team member has their own issues to deal with.

Rintaro, being a child born out of teen pregnancy and was then put up for adoption. Though he has loving parents, it still doesn’t erase the confusion and incompetence he had felt because of it. (I kind of have issues with how his parents told him he was adopted when he was still only 10? 11? I think that’s a bit too young for him to know he was adopted. I mean, an elementary school kid is suddenly being told that the parents he has always known has never been his real parents. It would get him thinking: why was he adopted? Why didn’t his mother take him? Was he unwanted? Was he a mistake? Huh, I guess that’s why I can’t do anything right. I’m a failure. I was a mistake. I shouldn’t have been born.)

Itsuki’s mother, in, probably, a bout of depression, poured hot water all over his body when he was only 1 year old.

Shingo, who doesn’t seem to have any problems, lives with a step-mother who is only protective over her daughter while dismissive over him. He doesn’t seem to be overly bothered by it. In fact, he adores his little sister. He’s probably learned to deal with his step-mother’s behavior.

Taiyo’s parents are quite overprotective and overbearing, but at least I don’t think they’re doing any real, permanent damage to him.

Tsubasa, though has wonderful relationship with his brothers, has a father with high expectations and will not settle for less, who won’t try to understand why he dropped soccer and took up soft tennis. Who won’t get off his case, saying that it’s stupid, that it doesn’t do him any good, that you’re better off studying instead of joining such a stupid club. And he actually slaps him, right across the face, causing Tsubasa to fall off the stairs and break his wrist, one month before his big game. And yes he looked shocked at what he had done, but he didn’t do anything; he just stood there, he didn’t even chase after him, as if he was justifying his actions to himself. Like, dammit! Don’t you know what you’re doing to your kid? You’re already hurting him emotionally and you slapped him?! I will say that Tsubasa’s story hurts me the most, because this kid, this happy-go-lucky kid who always smiles and laughs when he’s with his friends, cries as he runs out of the house. And can I just say that Toshii’s voice acting was just...spot on? To the point that I think I cried harder because of Toshii’s voice breaking when Shingo found him outside the house, when the doctor at the hospital asked him if he wasn’t pushed off the stairs, when they were talking in that park and Tsubasa hates how his father kept bragging about his time with his soccer team and never listens to a word he says, never sees him for who he is, because he’s not his brothers and he wanted so badly to play in their game.

But then we have Nao, with that kind of negative overprotective, overbearing, emotionally abusive mother and an indifferent father. It hurts. Hearing his mother talk hurts. Imagining myself in Nao’s shoes hurts. There are the kinds like Maki’s father, who knows they’re a jerk by abusing their own kid. Then there are the kinds like Nao’s mother, who, as Maki said, doesn’t even realize they’re abusing their children, justifying their actions by saying it’s for their kids. She’s blind to Nao’s feelings. All she cares about is what she wants. It doesn’t matter what Nao wants, because I’m her mother and I know what’s best for my son. What she doesn’t know, however, is the permanent damage it’s doing to Nao. Sure at the “conclusion” to Nao’s arc, Nao seems to have find the strength and will in him to shut out his mother’s words, but we also see something different. Nao’s mother is only going to let him off the hook this time. Which means she will probably be worse than she had ever been once Nao comes home from the match.

And finally, one of the most important of all: Yuuta’s arc, where he questions about himself, his gender, the role that is expected of him, and how he feels as if he doesn’t quite fit in with the boxes already laid down by the world. Also his desire to find an answer but also the fear of coming to terms with it, not wanting to disappoint his parents but all the while wanting to find a place he feels like he belongs in. Very realistic. Very relatable. I’m not entirely sure how it is seen in Japan, but in my country, due to strong religious beliefs and traditional values, people with “questionable” gender identities are seen as a sin, a violation, improper behavior - some might even call them a shame to the family. So, I really appreciate the director and his team writing quite a realistic portrayal of the lgbt+. I don’t hold anything against his mother, however, as I understand her feelings exactly, even as I would like Yuuta to have the freedom to learn and discover who he is and what he wants to be.

Even Mitsue, whose family wasn’t shown much, says that her parents don’t approve of her drawing. But that’s what she wants to do. That’s what she wants to be good at. She’s not good at studying. She doesn’t have passion for it. She likes to draw, but even people on the internet says her drawing isn’t good (when in fact it’s quite good). She’s not good with people and her classmates make fun of her. She’s haunted by an inferiority complex, social anxiety, frustration that she doesn’t fit in this world.

This entire show is like a How Not To Be A Parent 101. I do think some are stretching it a bit too far, but I understand what the director’s trying to say. A parental figure is important in a child’s life. Even if you have a crappy life, even if you’re bent on pushing your dreams and expectations to your children, even if your spouse doesn’t appreciate you any longer, that’s no reason or justification to “push the blame on your child”, to abuse them, both emotionally and/or physically.

When you don’t have a good parental figure, a good family environment, it will scar your children for life, and these children will start looking for a place they can belong to outside of their families. Whereas Nao’s mother said that the soft tennis club is a bad influence for Nao, I’d say it’s a good thing Nao found his place inside it. With a mother like that, and a father who doesn’t care much about what happens to him, Nao could have done a lot worse. And yet there’s this sports club made up of misfit children, who are hiding all their pain behind their smile and laughter, because this club is the only place where they can be themselves. Where they don’t have to worry about overbearing/indifferent/abusive parents. In this club of misfits, everyone has everyone else’s backs. When one’s down on the low, someone else will try to lift them up.

This club is their refuge, but in a way, I also think this is their sort of escapism. Because once they’re back in their homes, their lives return to being pressured and trapped under the expectations of their parents. Why I think it is an escape is because, neither of them really grow from it, aside from, I guess, Shingo, Rintaro, Itsuki, and Taiyo. They have either learned to live with their families or showed positive development. Nao’s mother is still a problem, Yuuta’s journey of self-discovery is still long and winding, while Tsubasa still has yet to make amends with his father. Not to mention we have Touma, whose mother just basically told him over the phone that she despises him and is getting a divorce, and Maki, who’s bent on killing his father.

This is not a story of self-healing. This is a slice-of-life story that is trying to tell how bad parenting affects children, especially children in those early adolescence years, when they’re just beginning to learn who they are and what they want to be. It’s not a story of how these children can overcome it. The club acts as their refuge, but not a place of healing. And if their psychosocial development took on a negative turn (see Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development), especially like Maki’s case, well you can imagine what will happen next if he’s not given the proper treatment.

As a final note, I would like to say the sports aspect is a bit weak. The soft tennis matches were too easy, too straightforward, as if the staff didn’t really care what happened in the matches. Well, the main story isn’t in the matches, so there’s that. Also, I would like to say that how they dealt with Maki’s father in episode 5 was also weak. I mean, what’s with Touma yelling at him? To me, it was a bit out of character for Maki to let Touma meet his father (I’d thought he was the type to say, no, that’s all right, I’ll deal with him myself, though I think Touma would have forced himself inside Maki’s house nonetheless). And that spontaneous outbursts about killing him? It was very cringe-worthy when I saw it, but now that I think about it, though it was probably Toma’s heat-of-the-moment outburst then, Maki certainly took it seriously with how he was holding that knife in the end.

#hoshiai no sora #stars align #anime #musings #anime musings #hoshiai no sora musings

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