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#the one about how the most emotionally repressed person is the one who

randomness-is-my-order · 4 months

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the thing about watching the pjo tv show as an adult after reading the books a literal decade ago is that you realise that percy’s sharp wit and sarcasm has an origin: he wasn’t born sassing anyone who dares to mess with him.

he became that way because it’s a legitimate coping mechanism, a response that spares him from unnecessary emotional burden and hurt. it’s said sometimes that trauma nourishes humor, especially the kind of sharp-edged wit percy possesses. it’s not always about undermining one’s struggles or deflecting but about playing something for laughs as a way to rise above it and percy does this phenomenally well.

like you see the rage, the sadness, the feeling of being helpless and confused all on percy’s face when he’s thrown into situations that harm him, physically or mentally or emotionally. you see it, you know he’s having a tough time of it but later when he’s reacting to all of it, it comes with the sarcasm and sass we know and love from this character.

like compare his reaction to grover’s halfgoat reveal to his nonchalant, sarcastic resignation when it comes to chiron. that humor based response was a consequence–not the first instinctual reaction.

it’s percy’s way of coping. sometimes, it can and does lead to repression but most of the time, as far as i know and remember, it comes from a place of empowering himself and others around him, of easing the tension, of digesting some revelation too heavy to be played serious and straight. and that’s why i love his wit and sass so much because you know why he uses it and why he has fully earned to say or think the words he does. it’s not a superficial thing but something deeprooted, a way for his personality to manifest. (and also, ofc, to say a sanitized equivalent of fuck you to the gods coz they really do deserve it).

all of this to say: i love the show for actually portraying how percy slowly grows more and more disenchanted with the world and its arbitrary order and how his humor is not always just a deflection but something that provides stability to both him and others, against all odds because somehow i never registered this or saw it this way when i was younger and reading the books for the first time.

p.s: walker scobell is amazing (so are aryan & leah, as far as i have seen). we couldn’t have found a better person to play percy jackson.

#pjo series #pjo #pjo tv series #pjo tv show #pjo tv spoilers #pjo tv adaptation #pjo fandom #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy pjo #sarcasm #humor #walker scobell

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arijackz · 27 days

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PICK A CARD: What Will Your FS Admire Most About You?

⚤ “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” - Pablo Neruda

Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates. This is a gender-neutral reading, disregard any pronouns that do not apply to you.

p1 → p2 ↙︎ p3 → p4

✠ Pile One ✠ (King of Cups,Page of Cups,The World,7)

✧ Cards went wiillldddd. You stir up so much emotion in this person, it’s crazy. Your heart chakra is front and center here. You are picture-perfect harmony and universal love to your spouse. Your love can’t be contained, you love them, your friends, your favorite mug, worms out in the rain, strangers, the moon, and all the stars in the sky.

✧ All I see is a wide-ass smile, the biggest, wateriest eyes, and full cheeks. Your spouse thinks you’re sunshine-incarnated.

✧ This will sound corny, but your heart and love for the world and all its diversity make you appear angelic; God’s gift to humanity. The emotional depth you have is nothing shy of divine. Your ability to understand and reconnect your person with their inner dreamer makes you irreplaceable in their eyes.

✧ I feel like your future spouse had to navigate around a lot of emotionally stunted people who left scars that prevented them from forming healthy relationships. Your empathy and desire to make space for peace and unity in this world give them hope that true love is alive and they are the lucky son of a bitch who gets to call an angel, theirs.

✧ I smell salt and hear waves. (I bet you’re tired of the cheesy poetry but HEY, me and your boo are OBSESSED with your energy) You truly are as beautiful and powerful as the seven seas.

✧ You know the Ouroboros, and how it's sometimes depicted as a snake wrapped around the oceans, holding onto its tail to keep the world together? Yea, that. To your future partner, you hold the key to their world. You add so much color and vibrancy. You turn over their inner ocean and awaken so much repressed child-like wonder within them.

✧ Wow. Your spouse loves the depths of you.

✧ Check for water placements, signs, and houses, in your natal chart. Some of you have insane intuition and have clairsenses. Clairaudience to be specific.

✧ Some of you are active in charities or aspire to make a difference in society. Maybe you’re into esoteric practices or anything else metaphysical.

✧ I even have a few philosophers here. Okay, KANT! (somebody please get this joke)

She Excites the Seven Seas

✠ Pile Two ✠ (Ace of Pentacles,8oW,The Emperor rev., “I Want”)

I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me

✧ Of course, you don’t have to be a woman but that TikTok sound SCREAMED at me. Your future spouse is lowkey intimidated by you and they love it.

✧ You have big dreams. Big plans. But most importantly, a million and one ways to get you where you need to be. Your ability to say “I want this,” and then actually go out and GET it?? Your spouse is like the meme that goes “I’m a little scared, but I’m turned on.”

✧ I also see that you’re unconventional. If people have been doing whatever you want to do a certain way for years, you'll find ways to do it differently, just cause. You’re a true trailblazer. Your self-conviction is so damn alluring. Even for the people who struggle with insecurity sometimes, once you get over that hump and decide that you desire something, you fucking get it. Your partner sees you like magic. They are impressed by just how quickly your desires are set in motion for you. They feel that you are powerful and bring a great deal of power to them from just being in your proximity.

✧ You are also the “I don’t take shit from nobody” type. Not from strangers, not from your friends, your family, not even from your partner. In their eyes, you know your worth and have a strong self-foundation that nobody can tear down. There is genuine admiration and respect here. I even get the “I want to be like you when I grow up” mentality.

✧ There is a speediness to you they find very attractive. Either the way you behave, speak, or just stress about time, your pacing holds a special place in their heart. (or maybe, despite all of your responsibilities, you manage to find stillness in the chaos and slow down when necessary)

✧ The way you speak drives this person wild. It's like your voice narrates their thoughts and is the source of all of their arousal. Do with that information what you will...(don't be cruel, you make this person so nervous).

✧ I shuffled through a playlist and E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE!! by Corpse came on and one of the lyrics goes,

She just look into my soul with them Shinigami eye Coke in my nose and a blade on her thigh. Man, I think this girl is really trying to plan my demise

✧ Yea, you put the fear of God into this person, but in a good way! Your presence can be chilling sometimes. Fire energy for sure. There are definitely people here from pile 2 of my first pac, “What are your most alluring qualities?”, check that out if you want to.

✧ Okay, this energy has me needing to take a LAP, bye.

"Man, I Think This Girl Tryna Plan My Demise"

✠ Pile Three ✠ (10oW, 9oW)(no other cards wanted to come out, real stubborn)

✧ Okay so, this feels specific?... and maybe even a lil off topic but I feel called to say this

✧ I sense that you and your person are psychically connected and share the mutual feeling that the two of you are meant to cross paths. The both of you have gotten your fair share of fuckery in this lifetime and this union feels like divine justice.

✧ This sounds a little fucked up, but you guys flourish amid trauma. Dark energy alchmaziers. You best wield your potential while you’re going THROUGH it.

✧ You had to “die” and bury yourself a dozen times to get where you are today.

✧ You are a very evolved individual. Throughout your life, traumatic events and relationships have forced you to bear a lot of weight on your back and it’s like the pressure has forged you into a diamond. With each curveball life threw at you, you stood tall and pushed to make something of yourself, proving your worth after a lifetime of strife and instability.

✧ Scorpio/Capricorn and 8th house/10th house placements. (check midpoints).

✧ A lot of you have tense shoulders, upper back, shoulder, and neck pain from the unease and anxiety your body carries. You have insomnia and may even struggle with nightmares.

✧ This person you’re coming into union with is so healing.

✧ This is something the both of you broke down and prayed for on your darkest days. This is a true partner, the soul that kept yours warm when the world was so cold. You had to put your dreamier side on the back burner to survive. This person will make you feel safe to dream again.

✧ I don’t have anything specific to say because you and your person feel so secretive You two recognize each other’s pain and are the only people you guys trust. Like not even lil ol’ me can really get through to y'all. Y’all ride AND die for each other, in this life and the next.

✧ If you’re into astrology and already have a feel for who this person is, check your guys’ composite chart. Strong Scorpio energy here.

✧ Coming into union with this person will feel like a wish fulfillment.

✧ (short pile, it felt like a quick message for those of you who feel this connection telepathically. This is probably a secondary choice.)

"I Want To Caress The Piece of Me Within You"

✠ Pile Four ✠ (Queen of Wands, 9oP rev., 7oP, 4oP rev., the high priestess, queen of cups, “I will”)

✧ You’re a bad bitch, truly. Your fs isn’t calling you a bitch, buuuttttt she a baddie, she know she a ten! She a baddie with her baddie…. wait a minute…

✧ You may not have a lot of friends? You keep your circle tight-knit because you have been deeply hurt in the past and you guard your peace fiercely. For some of you, your home life was quite tumultuous and you struggle with financial security and inner happiness. It seemed like the world did not want you to feel good about yourself or succeed.

✧ Do you know that viral display of a deer’s ribcage with a spear through it, and how even though an attempt was made on the deer’s life, he managed to survive and lived for years after that event; all while still growing bone marrow with a giant fucking spear through its ribcage?

✧ “A close encounter with a hunter left the deer with several broken ribs and part of an arrow embedded in its body. Remarkably, the animal survived, and bone grew around the shaft and arrowhead lodged in the creature's side."

✧ "The deer lived with the arrow inside its body until years later, when another hunter killed the animal, cut the deer open, and discovered its amazing secret…As the tough tissue formed over the arrow, it acted as a splint for the damaged rib cage, strengthening the deer's injured body.”

✧ I highlighted some words that needed emphasizing. That’s how your partner sees you. They are in complete awe of the resilience and sheer tenacity you hold. They look at you and can’t believe the person before their eyes. The troubling history you usually try to hide from your romantic partners is exactly what allures this person.

✧ You won’t ever lay on your belly and cry about life passing you by. You aren’t the type to victimize yourself and “woe is me” your way out of self-improvement.

✧ You are quite ambitious and aim to push forward, even if the odds are stacked against you.

✧ I get the message that some people in this pile have struggled with self-harm over the years. Your partner wants to kneel down and kiss your scars like a white knight, and vow to protect you emotionally and physically for as long as you’ll have them.

✧ The spear-deer imagery is so interesting. The deer represents virality. It is a symbol of piety, gentleness, devotion, and fertility. Especially with the queen of wands, the high priestess, AND the queen of cups, you provide profound love, passion, and insight to this person. However, even as a deer, you are quite badass???

✧ You are as gentle as a strand of hair but as strong as wool. Dainty but unbreakable.

✧ They have no desire to infantilize you because they know you are already your own greatest warrior. But they don’t want you to feel that you have to fight alone. Whatever burdens are on your plate, they take away as much as possible because they want to be a piece of the paradise you fight for.

✧ This is meant to be a short pac, a Tumblr post won’t do the unbelievable strength in your character much justice. Just know that your fs is so fucking in love with you and wants to spend their life by your side because of just how awe-struck they are by you.

✧ I mean c’mon… will YOU ever forget the story of the coolest fucking deer in existence??

"I Yearn To Be the Name You Call Out in Victory"

#pac #pick a card #tarot #tarot reading #astrology observations #pick a pile #arijackz

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videovamptramp · 1 year

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liar liar (i see right through you)

natasha romanoff x fem reader

prompt: “it wasn’t real.” “it was to me.” “did you ever even love me?” “no. i never loved you.”

summary - after your apartment is broken into, natasha realizes she loves you too much to put you in danger. so she breaks up with you.

warnings: mentions of a break-in, smoking, breakups, angst, ptsd mentions, jealousy, mean nat, fluffy ending, happy ending. natasha’s an emotionally repressed idiot.

natasha knew she was in too deep from the moment she met you. she introduced herself, and you had absolutely no idea who black widow or natasha romanoff was. it was refreshing, seeing that little sheepish blush on your face when your friend whispered in your ear, and told you who natasha was. the nervously cute way you played with your fingers, yet you genuinely laughed at everything she said. she fell for you from the moment she had met you at one of tony’s parties. you were a new intern for one of his companies, and tony specifically wanted to introduce you two. natasha was reluctant, until she met you. everything about you seemed to make her heart smile.

you had a witty response for everything, and natasha loved that. natasha loves you, and that’s the problem. in her line of work, love is weakness. love is what your enemies use to torture you. she can’t ever let anything bad happen to you, not even herself. because natasha romanoff is the worst person on the planet, regardless of the starry eyes you give her, or how you don’t flinch away when she touches you. despite knowing her past. the soft touches you leave on her body, along with those delicate kisses. everything about you makes natasha weak, and for a moment, she doesn’t care. that moment lasts a whole year, until you get hurt.

the police concluded it was a home invasion gone wrong, but the intruder didn’t dare try to steal anything. he cut the side of your cheek, and warned you that he’d be back. natasha had a gut wrenching feeling that it was one of her enemies; she knew it was. coming after the one thing she loves the most. he almost had you— he could have killed you. he didn’t, but he could have, and that’s the message he wanted to send natasha. and where was miss romanoff that night? on a mission halfway across the world.

of course wanda and tony had shown up at the station rather quickly, and they comforted you till natasha raced home as quickly as she could. the pure heartbreak in her eyes was agonizing as she saw the cut on the side of your face, and all the little voices in her head told her that it was her fault. she engulfed you into her arms for an hour as you sobbed and admitted how scared you were. how vulnerable you felt. natasha held you that night, as her thoughts ran wild. you slept soundly, feeling safe in her arms, while she felt like some wild beast you were trying to domesticate.

you go to work the next day, despite natasha’s request for you to say home. you insist on going on with your normal routine, and that you aren’t going to let this get to you. you don’t tell her it already has, just like it’s already gotten to her as well. when you leave, natasha’s alone in your apartment, and alone with her thoughts. things she hasn’t thought about since before she even met you. she thinks about your pretty face, and the scar that cuts going to leave. how you’ll always remember every time you look at it; how she’ll always remember every time she looks at it.

she’s waiting for you when you get home. sitting on the couch, sitting as straight as a robot. she doesn’t look at you right away, and when she does she has an inscrutable look in her eyes. “are you okay, nat?” you ask softly, and she wants to scoff at the ridiculous question. you’re in danger; of course she’s not okay. “i have to go.” she says, and your face softens. “on a mission? so soon?” you ask as you make your way to the couch to kiss her cheek. she tenses and you furrow your eyebrows as you pull away and stare at her questioningly. “no. i have to go. i have to leave your apartment. i can’t be here anymore.” she says and your expression turns serious. “w-what do you mean?” you ask uncertainly.

“is this because of what happened yesterday? because i already started looking for a new apartment, nat. it’ll be okay.” you promise, and her jaw tenses as she grips on her jeans. “no, it’s not okay. i don’t care if you get a new apartment, i can no longer be here. around you.” she elaborates and you freeze at the admission. “what?” you ask in a voice barely above a whisper. “this... it’s gone on too long. i didn’t intend to go this far with you.” she utters the words that make you back away slowly; as if the enter place was going to cave in.

“you— you didn’t intend for this to go that far? what are you talk about, natasha?” you ask, and the sound of her name makes her look at you. there’s something in her eyes beneath all that exhaustion. what she’s tired of, you don’t know, but you can’t dwell. too many thoughts are circling in on you. “i mean, we both know i was never the relationship type. that hasn’t changed.” she states, making you flash her a look of disbelief. “of course it’s changed! we’ve been together for a year, natasha! a year! you’ve been a wonderful girlfriend, where the hell is this coming from?” you ask a bit demandingly, and she shakes her head.

“that means nothing. this year meant nothing.” she lies right through her teeth, but the words sound so honest as they hit you. your whole body goes cold, and you wrap your arms around yourself for some kind of comfort, “nothing? h-how could you even say that? what about everything we did— everything you said.” you try, sounding so desperate as your voice breaks. your throat hurts and tears are stinging your eyes. the sound and sight of you makes natasha’s heart shatter in her chest. “it didn’t mean anything. it wasn’t real.” natasha says coldly as she stands up. suddenly this is becoming too excruciatingly real. just yesterday she was holding you in her arms, keeping you safe. just yesterday she uttered those three words. ‘i love you’.

“it was to me.” you whisper.

a tear falls from your eyes as you look up at natasha who’s standing a few feet away. it’s pretty fucked up that all you want is for her to wrap her strong arms around you and make you feel better. she says nothing, all she does is stare at you as if you’re a stranger. as if you’re not the girl she’s been making love to for the last year. you swallow thickly, “did you ever even love me?” you ask, trying so hard to keep your voice steady. the question nearly winds natasha, but her eyes land on the cut on your cheek. the reality sets in. she has to do this.

natasha goes into assassin mode; all of the emotion leaves her face and eyes. “no. i never loved you.” she simplifies, and natasha can see the exact moment she broke your heart. it’s engraved into her mind, and amongst all of the terrible things she’s done, this one makes the top three. your bottom lip trembles, but you bite down on it hard to keep it steady. “i-i’ll help you pack your—“ you try but she cuts you off. “i already handled it this morning.” natasha responds curtly, and your heart sinks. she planned this. she was planning on leaving you. you wondered how long she’s been thinking about leaving; how many nights she’s spent in your bed feeling suffocated by you.

“goodbye y/n.” she says, and as you look up at her through teary eyes, you can see what looks like regret behind her own. why is she doing this? she doesn’t really want to leave, does she? her eyes say no, but she just said all those awful things. you blink, trying to blink the tears away but they fall rapidly, multiplying. she’s walking away now. she’s making her way to the front door, and you know this time she’s never coming back. never.

your voice is stuck in your throat and the words physically crawl out, “please don’t go.” you try to whisper, but it comes out as a pathetic whimper instead. natasha turns her head, but your back is to her. you don’t want to watch her leave. you don’t think your heart could take having that image burned into your mind. tears well up in the assassins eyes as she takes your image in one last time. you in this apartment. you with your work uniform on that you hate. your hair in an unruly ponytail after a long day. it takes everything in natasha to turn towards the door, and walk out.

but she does. she leaves, and as soon as that door shuts again, the haunting realization that it will never be open for her again makes the tears in her eyes fall. she turns back around, she doesn’t want to go. she wants to walk in and tell you everything she just said was complete and utter bullshit. she wants to tell you she loves you so much the thought of anything happening to you because of her makes her want to die. she hears the muffled sobs through the door, and her heart breaks even more than before. she broke you. she broke you, but she will not be the reason you die. you being sad is better than you being dead.

right?

six months. it’s been six months since you heard from natasha. the first few months felt like hell. all you did was cry, or try not to cry. you barely left your house unless it was for work; not to mention the ptsd from the break in. you moved into a new apartment a few days ago. it feels a bit better. now that you live on a different side of town, you feel a bit safer, but a part of you wonders if natasha will ever knock on your old door and be surprised when someone else answers.

you push that thought away quickly as you get ready for one of tony’s infamous company parties. it’s at the avenger headquarters, so you don’t know if you’ll be seeing natasha, but you put on a tiny black dress and curl your hair to be prepared. you’re not going alone; you’ve been casually dating your coworker johnny for a month now. you decided to bring him as your plus one. you don’t really know how you feel about johnny. he’s sweet, and you’re trying to move on with your life without natasha.

natasha on the other hand; she’s an angry mess without you. she spends her days in the compound when she’s not training or on missions. she’s built so much arm muscle in the last six months just to keep herself busy from thinking about you. you and your smile. she isn’t sure if you’ve moved on, or if that smile is directed at someone new. she hopes not.

she keeps a picture of you by her bed, and she thinks about you every day. sometimes, when she’s in town and drives by your apartment, she thinks about stopping by. she thinks about pouring her heart out to you, and telling you the truth. then she thinks about the way you looked at her that night; the words she said to you that she didn’t mean. that evening’s been replaying in her mind since she left you. god, she hasn’t stopped seeing your face every time she shuts her eyes. she remembers how it felt to have you in her arms; or when she’d wake up to you. she hasn’t been with anybody since you, and she doesn’t want to be. sure, she’s gotten offers, and there were a number of women and men in the compound who wanted a piece of her, but all she could think about was you. it was as if you plagued her thoughts twenty-four seven.

natasha romanoff has never been in love before you. she had never really felt much of anything before you other than anger. meeting you was like putting water on a fire that’s been burning for so long. a fire nobody else could put out except for you. there was no more fire though; just a drought.

the redhead glances down at her glass of expensive champagne as she stands at the bar wearing a tight red dress. the room is full of shield agents, and her teammates, along with other various workers who worked for fury and tony. there were a hoard of people she’s known for years, some longer than a decade, yet she’s never felt more alone. just as the widow is standing around feeling sorry for herself, she hears the most gorgeous sound in the world. for a moment she thinks she’s hallucinating. it’s your giggle.

natasha looks up, and her eyes lock on you. you’re wearing a tight black dress, and a pair of matching black doc martens. your hair is curled perfectly, yet your back is to natasha and she can’t see your face. her heart falls into her stomach as she sees a tall man standing beside you, he slinks his arm around your waist, and kisses your cheek. you’ve moved on. of course you moved on, you’re wonderful. natasha frowns as she looks down at her half empty glass.

“need something stronger?” yelena asks, pulling natasha out of her thoughts. the redhead turns to look at her younger sister who’s now holding out a flask for natasha to take. natasha gladly accepts, taking the flask and chugging quickly. the taller woman can’t help but stare at you. you turn your body to the side to look at the man you’re here with. he’s talking about something and you’re listening to every word he says. just like you used to listen to her.

“she looks good.” yelena comments, reaching for the flask. natasha scowls, “she always looks good.” the older woman mutters, making yelena chuckle as she shakes her head. “идиот (idiot).” yelena mutters, and natasha glares at the blonde, “you’re an idiot! three years ago you were calling a seatbelt a strap on!” natasha snaps, and yelena’s smirk deepens. “you’ve been such a bitch lately, and now i see why. did y/n ditch you for him?” she asks with a hint of amusement, yet her eyes linger on your date longer than their supposed to. if natasha wanted to kill this guy, yelena already had five different ways to do it running through her mind. “no. i told you, i broke up with her. it was just a fling.” natasha lies horribly and yelena scoffs.

“a fling is that stupid thing you had with green superhero. what you had with her was different, and it’s gonna take a lot of convincing for you to make me believe you broke up with her.” yelena laughs, and natasha glowers at the younger woman, “and why exactly is me breaking up with her so hard to believe?” natasha inquires, causing yelena to shoot her a knowing expression. “because you’re in love with her.” yelena acknowledges, and the redhead tenses at the words. she knows they’re true. everyone in this damn room except for you knows it.

“she’s better without me.” natasha affirms, making yelena stare at her as if she’s gone crazy. “before we broke up, someone tried to hurt her. they broke in while i was on a mission and cut her face, yel. the police say it was a home invasion gone wrong.” natasha scoffs and yelena raises a brow. “you don’t think so?” she asks and natasha offers her a serious look. “it was a message. it had to have been. it made me realize just how many enemies i’ve made. she’s better off without me, because next time it won’t just be a cut to her face and i’d never forgive myself for it.” natasha hisses under her breath, and yelena purses her lips.

“yes, i felt the same before i let myself be happy with kate. but you have to realize danger is everywhere, right? that guy could murder her in her sleep and we wouldn’t even be prepared for it.” the blonde adds bluntly, and natasha’s eyes widen. “why the hell would you say that?!” the redhead asks with a hiss, and yelena rolls her eyes, “because it’s true. the only way you’re gonna be able to keep her safe is by protecting her, and how are you gonna do that from far away?” yelena asks pointedly.

the redhead looks over at you, and as if on cue, you look up and your eyes lock with hers. time stills as your eyes lock with those emerald green orbs. still as beautiful as ever. your breath gets caught in your throat, and within a second all of your progress in the past six months comes crumbling down. you get lost in her eyes for a split second, before looking away quickly. your chest aches as you swallow whats in your glass, and try to focus on whatever johnny and bucky are talking about.

natasha’s gaze is glued to your back for a good five seconds after that. yelena’s chuckle pulls her out of her trance. “you are both идиоты (idiots).” yelena confirms, and natasha shoots daggers at yelena with her eyes. natasha snatches the flask out of her sisters hands and finishes what’s left, causing yelena’s jaw to drop in offense. “that was the only vodka i brought!” the blonde is borderline pouting, causing natasha to roll her eyes. “i needed it more than you did. i’m getting out of here.” natasha remarks as she places the flask in yelena’s hands before the redhead walks away.

natasha turns her head to look at you one more time, except you’re no longer standing in the same place as you were before. natasha’s stomach burns with jealousy as she thinks about you going home with your date. she tries to push that thought far away as she exits the party, and makes her way to the elevator. now her mind is centering around you, and your laugh. how beautiful you looked tonight. you’re always so beautiful. her fists clench as the image of someone else with their arm around your waist is now branded into her mind. she knows she has no right to feel this way; but she still feels undeniably jealous.

as she steps outside of the building, her eyes lock with yours. you’re smoking a cigarette on your own. natasha freezes in her tracks right outside of the entrance of the building. neither of you make a move, or say a word. you blink a few times, your heart is pounding, and you can’t even bring yourself to say anything. she looks down at the cigarette in your right hand. “you smoke now?” she asks, and a wave of disbelief washes over you. she hasn’t dared to reach out for months, and the first thing she says to you when she sees you is that?

you shrug, keeping your composure. “i picked it up.” you respond curtly, as you turn away from her, and continue to smoke. natasha bites the inside of her cheek hard, refraining herself from saying anything, yet she doesn’t make any movement to walk away. “where’s your boyfriend?” she asks blandly, and you roll your eyes, your back still to her. “he’s not my boyfriend. we came in separate cars, and he left.” you respond simply, and she nods slowly. you’re still refusing to look at her, but she’s practically gaping at you.

“you look good.” she adds, breaking the short silence. you sigh as you toss your nearly finished cigarette on the ground. you turn to look at her, a deadly serious look in your eyes and it nearly makes the ex assassin gulp. “don’t do that.” you warn, causing natasha to knit her brows together, “do what?” she questions, and you flash her a pointed look. “the small talk. stop trying to pretend like you care about anything pertaining me. we don’t have to talk. ever. you can keep walking.” you say, gesturing your hand towards the parking lot. you swear a wave of hurt flashes through natasha’s eyes, but she regains herself quite quickly. she clears her throat, “i do care. i care about you so much.” she claims, and she takes a step closer to you. instinctively you take a step back; the hurt in her green, jewel colored orbs clear as day now.

“six months later and you’re still a liar? you know, you should have been an actress, natasha. i guess if you ever decide to quit the avengers, you have something to fall back on.” you snap as you start to walk away. “wait— please don’t go yet. i just wanted to apologize.” she tries, trailing behind you. you come to an abrupt stop, causing her to halt. you turn around, tears are in your eyes yet you look undoubtedly angry. “apologize? for what? for walking out on me when i needed you, or for wasting a year of my life with your lies?” you ask harshly, and her shoulders deflate. “i know what i said that night—“ she tries, but you cut her off.

pure rage flashes through your eyes, “don’t. that night... that night was the only honest night of our relationship. the rest of it was all a lie.” your voice is cruel, and natasha feels herself shrinking. is this how you felt that night? “please i—“ she tries, but you shake your head. “no, natasha. i don’t want to hear it. you’ve had months to try to talk to me, months to explain yourself. i’ve moved on.” you’re lying right through your teeth, but the way her face changes into an obvious pained expression is, in the moment satisfying. hurting her the way she hurt you feels good in this moment.

natasha looks down at her shoes, her throat aches and her eyes are burning with tears. she blinks them away quickly, nodding as she looks up at you. “can you— can you at least tell me that you’re happy? just tell me you’re happy without me, and i swear i’ll leave you alone. i won’t try to explain myself, or ever bother you again.” natasha swears, and you blink, your eyes set on hers. all you can hear are those words she said to you. those words you’ve heard in your head every night for the last six months. ‘i never loved you’. those nights making love to you, whispering how much she loved you in your ear; that was all a lie.

the bitter, furious expression etches itself onto your features, “i’m happy. much happier. thank you for leaving my life, it was the best thing you ever did for me.” you spit coldly, and the moment the words leave your mouth you regret them. the way her face looks; it’s as if you just slapped her. she backs away from you slowly, nodding as she pries her eyes away from you. her hands are at her side, and she’s standing there robotically, kind of like she has no idea what to do with herself. the anger leisurely exits your body, and suddenly, under the pale lighting of the moon, you can see just how broken natasha looks.

“i’m sorry for bothering you. goodnight.” her tone is barely above a whisper, and she turns around on her heels and quickly disappears back into the building. you stand there for what feels like ages; you don’t even realize you’re crying until you lick your lips and taste the salty tears mixed with the faded strawberry flavor of your lipgloss. she hurt you terribly, yet you can’t help but feel irrefutably guilty as you think about how she looked at you after those lies left your mouth just now. you weren’t happy without natasha; how could you be? you’ve just felt so used, hurt, and angry, you wanted to hurt her feelings like she hurt yours. it felt good for a few moments, but now you just feel awful.

you close your eyes and rub your palms across your stained cheeks, wiping your tears away roughly. at least you evened out the score now. who are you kidding? you’d let her win every battle if it meant she’d come back. but she doesn’t love you. why was she even trying to talk to you in the first place?

that night thoughts of natasha plague your mind. what explanation could she possibly have? what more could she need to say? didn’t she say everything she needed to the night she dumped you? you sigh, tossing and turning in your bed. this is for the better. being without her is better than being with someone who doesn’t really love you. regardless of how much it hurts. still, the look she gave you tonight is stuck in your brain.

all of your progress you’ve made over the last half year, seems to be lost. you realize how in love you still are with natasha as soon as you can’t stop thinking about her after that night. as soon as you realize no matter how much you want to, you can’t hate her. no matter how much she hurt you; no matter how used you feel... you still miss her more than anything. if you were being honest, all you wanted was for her to knock on your door and beg for your forgiveness. even though you know she doesn’t deserve it.

the weeks go on, and october rolls by. you break things off with johnny before he catches any serious feelings, and luckily, you get promoted at work so you don’t have to see him every day anymore. your financial life seems to be getting better, yet you can’t help but feel as if you’re living like a robot. living day to day; forcing yourself to eat, work, and breathe. a part of you lives with the constant nagging; that little voice in your head that makes you feel so small. it tells you horrible things.

‘you were never enough for nat.’

‘of course she lied about loving you, who would?’

‘you can’t do anything right today, it’s no wonder natasha left you so easily.’

‘she probably found someone better.’

of course, these thoughts aren’t happening 24/7, but they are getting more consistent. one week it gets so bad you don’t go a single night without crying. you call into work for three days straight before showing up and going right to tony’s office. you knock lightly, and he looks up from his laptop, smiling a friendly smile at you. “good morning, y/n! what can i do for ya?” he asks, and you flash him a watery smile. immediately the older man can see somethings wrong. your skirt and blouse, that are usually as prim and proper as you, are wrinkled. the bags under your eyes are evident, and it’s clear you aren’t wearing any makeup.

“good morning, mr. stark. i-i know i called out for a few days this week, but i have a few weeks of vacation time available... i was wondering if i could use a week of it?” you ask a bit nervously, looking down at your fingers while playing with them. “of course you can. though, you haven’t taken a vacation in years. is everything alright?” he asks, and you look up, nodding too quickly for his liking. “yup! everything’s fine! just planning on visiting my parents.” you lie. you haven’t visited your parents in years due to your rocky relationship with them.

he stares at you, seemingly unconvinced. he nods reluctantly, “alright... well, if you want to start your vacation today, you can. i’ll put it in right now.” he says, and you smile gratefully. “thank you, mr. stark. i’ll see you next week. have a wonderful day.” you muster up sincerely, and he smiles kindly at you. “you too. if you ever need to talk, just remember you’re not alone. you dated one of my best friends for a year, you became my friend.” he reminds and you smile sadly. “thank you, tony. i’m fine.” you lie, and he nods reluctantly.

“well, alright...” he trails off as he watches you walk out of his office. “don’t forget your sunscreen! vegas is sunny, even this time of year!” he warns, and this, earns a sincere chuckle from you.

tony tries to push the thought out of his mind, but he brings it up to pepper that night before bed. “i’m sure she’s just going through a hard time because of the breakup...?” pepper asks and he sighs, “that’s just it; over the last few months she’s been thriving! i even heard she had a thing with that johnny boy from HR. but after that party a few weeks ago things changed. i’m telling you, babe, the kids been a zombie at work. she called out for the last three days, and today she requested a week long vacation!” he admits, and pepper frowns.

“a vacation? since when does y/n ever want a vacation? she loves work...” pepper mutters, and tony flashes her an ‘i told you so’ expression. “was natasha at that party?” the blonde asks, and tony thinks for a moment, before nodding. “hey, you know now that i think about it, i think they sort of disappeared at the same time... do you— do you think they hooked up??” tony asks a bit scandalously. pepper laughs at her husbands love of gossip, “hmm... maybe. i don’t know... did natasha ever tell you why they broke up?” pepper asks curiously, and tony shakes his head.

“of course not. she just came back to the compound one night and asked for her old room back. we put two and two together when we stopped seeing y/n hanging around. i never asked y/n about it because it was right after her apartment got broken into. poor kid had to deal with that huge cut on her face, and a breakup. i didn’t want to pry.” tony confesses, and pepper furrows her eyebrows. “why would natasha break up with her right after that? i know natasha isn’t the most loving person, but we all know she was head over heels for y/n. there was no way she just decided to breakup with her for no reason. especially while y/n was going through that.” pepper points out.

tony makes a face, “i don’t know... nat’s kind of an ass...” he trails off jokingly, and pepper hits his shoulder, causing him to laugh. “i’m kidding. look, i go to the compound tomorrow to help peter train. i’ll ask nat about y/n. i’ll gather some more information for you.” he winks at his wife, making her giggle as she shakes her head in amusement. “normally i’d advise you not to get involved, but somebody needs to get those two back together already.” she huffs.

natasha hasn’t gotten more than an hour of sleep since her last encounter with you. seeing you look so beautiful, so happy without her makes her realize all her insecurities were true. you found someone better, someone who deserves your love and kindness. someone who can tell you how they feel without struggling with their emotions. someone who can hold you at night, and allow you to sleep without having nightmares that wake the both of you up. someone normal.

she’s been living on autopilot since she left you, and she has a feeling that’s not going to change. how is it that she can’t imagine her life before you? it was only a year... a year of your smiles, gentle touches, and delicate kisses. the purest love natasha has ever received. it’s no wonder she couldn’t return it the way she should have. she loves you. more than she’s ever loved anything. but she lost you, and she knows there’s no way to get you back.

“jeez, you look awful.” tony’s voice causes natasha to roll her eyes as she waits for the coffee machine to finish up her drink. she doesn’t even bother looking at the older man, “because you know so much about looking good.” she mutters under her breath and tony steps closer. he gets a look at the bags under natasha’s eyes, and the way her eyes are hard and fixated on her mug. “she’s miserable without you, you know?” tony asks, breaking the short silence. natasha tenses, she knows he’s talking about you. “that’s not what i saw.” she mumbles.

“the eyes can be deceiving.” he reminds, and natasha responds with silence. he sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. “when are you going to stop this? you’re both miserable, and it’s obvious as hell that you don’t want to be here, nat. you want to be with her.” he says adamantly, and natasha slams her mug down onto the counter so hard it nearly shatters. “she’s safer without me, stark!” natasha snaps, and tony looks taken back for a moment.

“you don’t know what it’s like to have so many enemies you can’t even go on a mission without someone trying to hurt the person you love.” natasha’s voice is stern, and her brows are pinched together while her eyes are glossy. tony looks at her for a second without saying anything, “that guy who broke into her old apartment... it wasn’t a robbery gone wrong was it?” he asks and natasha’s jaw tenses before she answer. “no. it wasn’t.” she retorts bluntly, but the way she’s still refusing to meet tony’s eyes shows him just how much this has been eating her up.

“you know, no matter how wrong you think you are for her, nobody gets to decide that but her. i can’t tell you she’s never going to get hurt, and i can’t tell you if that fear of her getting hurt when you aren’t around will ever go away. trust me, i know that fear, natasha. but i also know love, and so do you. you can’t just pretend not to love someone because you’re afraid of the outcome. i’ve known you for eleven years now, and never once have i seen you as happy as you are with her.” he points out, and natasha snaps her mouth shut.

“she’s with somebody else now.” natasha announces, and tony scoffs. “who, johnny from HR? word around the office is they stopped seeing each other last month. right after that party i threw here.” he says and natasha’s entire expression changes. she turns her head to look at him, searching his face for any sign of dishonesty. “w-why?” natasha asks, and he flashes her a knowing look, “i’ll give you three guesses but you only need one.” he taunts, and natasha chews on the inside of her cheek.

“she doesn’t want to talk to me. in fact, at the shield party she told me she was happier without me.” natasha swallows thickly as she remembers your exact words. tony rolls his eyes as he crosses his arms, “happier? natasha, she spent the last six and a half months throwing herself into work and refusing to say your name. then all of a sudden she sees you at the shield party and she’s missing work, and using her pto?” he asks, and natasha pauses, scrunching her brows together. “she’s missing work? she never misses work, she loves work.” natasha says, more to herself than to tony.

the older man flashes the redhead a look, “i know. which is why i’m worried about you both. you should go check on her.” he urges, causing natasha to shoot daggers at him with her eyes. “go see her?? i don’t even have her new address!” she hisses and he raises his brows. she falters for a moment, “okay... maybe i have the address... but i don’t have the apartment number!” she proclaims, and tony shakes his head, chuckling. “apartment 345. seriously, nat, think about going to check on her. even if it doesn’t mend your relationship, at least you’ll know she’s alright.” he says simply, before stealing the fresh coffee natasha hasn’t even taken a sip of yet.

she glowers at him as he slips away, making her sigh in defeat. she knows she can’t keep living like this. living without you.

it takes natasha two whole days to work up the courage to show up at your apartment. even after she’s standing right in front of your door. she looks down at her boots and sighs. what is she doing? she can’t try to win you back after all those things she said. “natasha?” your voice from behind her causes her to freeze. “what are you doing here?” you ask with a handful of grocery bags. she turns around to see you; you in your oversized flannel jacket and ripped jeans, along with a cropped top. you furrow your eyebrows because she’s staring at you as if she’s looking at you for the first time.

“how did you get my address?” you ask uncertainly, and your face changes. “you’re a spy. you literally are a professional at gathering intel... i’ll stop asking stupid questions now.” you mutter as you nudge her to the side softly to get to your door. you push it open and your greeted with your german shepherd puppy, “hi sweetheart.” you greet her and natasha eyes the dog who comes rushing over to her and starts jumping around her legs.

“that’s winnie. i got her last month.” you admit, and you sigh tiredly as you see a pee stain on the wooden floor. “she’s still learning how to live as a civilized lady.” you admit as you set the bags on the counter and walk over to the mop near your kitchen. you look up and see natasha kneeling down and stroking your puppy’s head, the sight tugs on your heartstrings. “she’s cute.” natasha confirms, and you smirk as you mop up winnie’s mess. “thanks...” you trail off as a silence washes over you both.

“would you—“

“i just came by to—“

you both start speaking simultaneously, causing you to bite your bottom lip. she stares at you, silently offering you to go first. “would you like something to drink? i can make hot chocolate.” you ask calmly, and she shakes her head. “no thank you... i just... i know i promised to leave you alone... but i... i can’t stop thinking about you. i’ve felt like i’ve been living my life on autopilot without you. i’m sorry. i know i shouldn’t be here, but i’ve never felt this way before.” she confesses, standing by the front door, her emerald eyes pouring into yours as she stares at you with an expression you can’t even read. she looks even more broken than when you last saw her.

your fingers are playing with the ends of your flannel jacket, and you stare at her for awhile. “wh-why did you do that? you lied to me for a year. a whole year, natasha.” your voice cracks as you speak, and you mentally curse yourself for it. natasha’s fingernails dig into her palm as she clenches her fists, and she shakes her head. “no. the time we spent together was the greatest time of my life. i lied to you that night. i... you don’t understand, that man who broke in, he wasn’t just an intruder... i put you in danger. i have too many enemies, and i knew you wouldn’t just let me go. so i hurt you, and i’m sorry.” natasha sounds full of shame and regret, and your brows scrunch together in confusion and a bit of anger.

“so you lied?? you said all of those horrible things so it’d be easier for me to let you go?? natasha— it wasn’t any easier for me to let you go! it felt like someone cut a hole in my chest!” you’re nearly shouting, your hand over your chest in emphasis. natasha shuts her eyes, a ragged breath escaping her lips as she tries to ignore the tears threatening to leave her eyes. when she opens them again, you can see the tears brimming in those emerald orbs, “i’m sorry... i’m so sorry, i thought you’d be better without me...” her voice is faint and your heart cracks in your chest at the sight of her. “why would you think that? i love you, natasha. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” you say sincerely, and this causes her heart to flutter. natasha doesn’t even realize she’s crying until she can feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, and falling off her jaw onto her collarbone.

“you love me again...?” she asks in complete shock. you shake your head, your own eyes full of tears. “i never stopped, nat.” you confess earnestly, and her bottom lip is quivering as her tears won’t stop. “i’m sorry, detka. i’m so sorry i left you. i love you so much, i always have.” her hands are shaking and it’s like your body has a mind of its own as you walk over to her slowly. you carefully inch up to her with your arms open, and her heart palpitates against your chest as she gladly reaches for you and pulls you against her.

her strong embrace engulfs you, and the smell of her makes you start to sob. you don’t know how long you two are standing there like this. your arms around her waist and her arms around your neck, holding you to her chest. your tears were surely staining her shirt, but you didn’t care. you’ve missed her so much, she’s all you’ve been able to think about for months. “you can’t just do that, nat. you can’t— you can’t just make decisions for my benefit without talking to me about it.” you say sternly as you push her away, looking up at her with a stringent expression, yet the widow could see the vulnerability seeping through.

“i promise i’ll never leave you again, detka. not as long as i’m breathing.” she swears, as she pulls you in again, kissing your head as she keeps you held tightly. that’s a promise natasha intends to keep.

#natasha romanoff x female!reader #mean natasha x fem!reader #natasha romanoff angst #natasha x fem!reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader angst #natasha romanoff #angst #lgbtq #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x y/n angst #natasha x reader #natasha x you #natasha romanoff x fem reader

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prettyboypistol · 7 months

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How the TF2 Mercs De-stress/Manage Anger

Scout

Actually a stereotypical movie bad boy about it. Cigarette, batting cage, and punching bags his emotions out. Shouts at people and shoves them out of his way, throat closed up in welled up emotions, his lungs refusing to give him air as the tightness of slamming against the metaphorical wall of frustration feels like it kills him inside. You know what? Being so tired you can barely register the world around? It's better than feeling like an elephant trapped in a jam jar.

Soldier

Works out and represses the expressions unless he's in battle. That's actually where he gets most of his energy. He thinks of all the shit that pissed him off or made him feel small and uses that flicker of rage as the start of the firecracker of a soldier on the field. Doesn't talk about his emotions much and doesn't see any need to. Yeah, a few drinks in and he gets sappy, but that's normal. Anger usually gets metal pipes bent or people's faces bashed in. Usually both.

Pyro

Expresses anger and stress as overexcitabiliy and hyperactivity. A constant overstimulation mode. Referencing the comics, Pyro won't hesitate to kill a bitch knowingly if they are pissed off. They're the reason it's called a "crime of passion". High spikes of anger followed by a low simmer of calmness. Actually pretty good about deep breaths when it comes to mild annoyances or daily stress, but the over the top bullshit absolutely gets an over the top reaction.

Heavy

Intimidation and powerplay is the name of Heavy's game. Sharp glares and a clear body message of "I will snap your spine if you breathe near me." This comes from his time in the gulag, when he had to keep himself and his family safe. Looking murderous when upset had a lot of advantages. When it actually comes to relieving the anger, he's an isolationist. Def thinks over the situation over and over again as he distracts himself with one of his hobbies. Usually not reading because his mind wanders off too much to focus on the pages.

Engineer

Hyperactive workaholic. He locks himself in his workshop and doesn't leave until he makes something either revolutionary or a man made horror you could only fathom in your nightmares. Whatever, he can sell it to the Administrator as a torture device. Who cares. Engie isn't much of a talker so much as he is a ranter. He grumbles and shouts to himself in a one way conversation as he tightens that one bolt that gave him trouble. Only once has he dented one of his sentries with his wrench when the energy was too much to comprehend.

Demoman

As is his usual solution, he drinks. He drinks and he talks. It doesn't matter to who or even if people are with him. Talking and bitching helps him to understand the situation, get his feelings validated, and develop more points of view. If that doesn't work, there's always testing his explosives. That release of emotions as he watches the burn pile explode is cathartic in a way. Pyro usually joins in and watches the fire, giving Demo someone to talk to.

Sniper

Also an isolationist, but you couldn't tell either way unless you pissed him off while talking to him. If it's just him, then you wouldn't even know that motherfucker was milliseconds away from starting a fight. Mutters to himself softly, barely able to hear the words himself as he shoots at sodacans and empty food containers all lined up by his van. Long drives while music plays in the background is one of his guilty pleasures when he can get away with it. If you ask what's bothering him he'll have a 50/50 between shrugging and saying a dismissive "it's nothing, just woke up wrong" or will barely explain it, but get the just of it accurately.

Spy

Tries to work through it physically, not emotionally. Man's has never talked about his emotions in his life and you won't make him start now. Usually very bitchy when something pisses him off, and his weapon of choice is personal insults. It's a funny thing really. He needs to feel superior by putting others down because the anger and stress makes him feel weak. There is only one good way to snap him out of a bad mood: casually praise him. "Nice work, Spy." "I knew I could count on you." "Thanks Spy, you're a lifesaver." Are instant soothers. It's nice to be acknowledged.

Medic

Workaholic worse than Engie. This man is really out here about to create an elderitch horror because he stubbed his toe and spilled his coffee. Strained smiles and snide comments are his language when he's had a bad day. If someone directly irritates him, that man is a solid 6'1 minimum and is built. He will and continue to physically intimidate people. Has violent fantasies as a cope.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 sniper #tf2 x reader #fanfiction #tf2 medic #tf2 spy #tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #scout tf2 #tf2 scout #tf2 pyro #tf2 soldier #sniper x reader #tf2 headcannons #prettyboy pistol

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giamee · 9 months

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𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔!

ཐི♡ཋྀ featuring -> blade, gepard

ཐི♡ཋྀ contains -> mentions of depression/low mood, more blade bias teehee

ཐི♡ཋྀ gia's notes -> i kinda based these off of my own experiences with depression, so hopefully it's at least a little relatable. i tried not to romanticise it too much. also disclaimer i am fully aware that the stuff i talk about in here isn't a cure-all for depression, but i did focus on a less severe characterisation of it in this. hope that's ok anon

ཐི♡ཋྀ request -> anon: hi!!! really loved your roommate thing for har, literally makes me smile may i request blade or/and gerard with reader who got depression? even if you don’t like the idea it’s fine, hope you have great time <3

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ BLADE

-hm ok to be honest blade seems rather emotionally repressed

-so it may take a while for him to pick up on signs of you starting to get into a depressive episode

-he’s busy with being a stellaron hunter, and he isn’t exactly the most frequent texter, but he’ll still notice a change in your texting style as the time between your replies increases while the length of them keeps getting shorter

-maybe you were busy? even though it may sting a little to see his last message still unanswered as he’s holed up somewhere on another planet, he still can’t help but worry for you, though he may not outwardly admit it

-and that spurs him on to finish elio’s mission for him even quicker so he can get back home to you

-when he returns, he may be a bit confused due to your seeming apathy

-he had missed you, and he didn’t want to be the one to cave and say it out loud

-but at your mustered smile and hollow sounding greeting, that’s when things start to click and blade may realise what’s going on

-personally i feel like blade’s love language is acts of service/physical touch

-and man’s just come back from a mission

-he’s dirty, he’s hungry, and he’s tired

-so he decides to deal with those issues with you in that exact order

-cue him running a bath and then convincing you to get in with him on the ground of him “getting lonely” without anyone there, making you crack a little smile at his antics

-the warmth of the water and his solid chest against your back is a soothing sensation, and neither of you voice how tender his touches are as he lathers your hair, fingers carefully detangling any knots as he rests his weight against you

-it’s a peaceful affair, and you can feel yourself begin to warm, with the weight that you previously weren’t even aware of beginning to lift off of your chest as you filled the silence of the bathroom with some hushed conversation with blade

-he asks you how your day was, listening to your hesitant recollection with his chin is tucked over your shoulder, his arms encircling you as he listens to your voice and hums occasionally, basking in your presence

-when the water begins to run cold, blade’s offering you his clothes to change into, leading you by the hand to your shared bedroom, and it’s touching to see just how much care he puts into your wellbeing when it’s him who’s just come back from a dangerous mission

-up next is finding something to eat

-the uncharacteristically soft behaviour of blade is continued as he rummages around the fridge, cursing under his breath when he realises that he'll have to make a shopping list

-he still manages to find enough ingredients to make some sort of meal, and though he's not a cook by any means, it's definitely edible and the distant growl of your stomach suggests that maybe you were feeling hungry after all

-you're leaning against one of the counters, watching your boyfriend's back in quiet awe as he continues to cook, the simple black cotton of his shirt stretching across his broad shoulders practically inviting you to wrap your arms around him

-you've never been one to resist such an offer, and you find yourself shyly walking up to him, letting the side of your face rest against his spine

-blade almost immediately relaxes into your embrace, continuing his ministrations while you mumble a muffled "thank you" into the fabric covering his back

-you don't need to clarify what you're thankful for, and blade has always been one to speak more through his actuons than words

-he pauses for a second, turning to flick your forehead gently

-"don't get all soft on me now"

-you feel your eyes well up with appreciation for your boyfriend, squeezing him a little tighter to yourself as he turns back around, feeling his hand do the same to yours where it rests on his stomach

-"yeah, yeah. now let's eat, hmm?"

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ GEPARD

-another emotionally repressed king 😍

-i feel like in terms of noticing that something's up with you he would be worse than blade

-mr landau is a bit of a workaholic, and he's guilty of using it as a coping mechanism when he can feel himself start to slip

-he will run off of denial and caffeine and just force himself to keep working, resulting in a general lack of awareness in spotting when he or others are struggling

-so really, the dots that he should connect with how you've been acting recently take a little longer than they should be

-he's mentioning to serval how you seem to be the polar opposite of him recently, acting a lot more withdrawn and apathetic in general

-and serval is just blinking at him and wondering how dense her younger brother can be

-reprimands him and tells him that this is a conversation he should be having with you, and not her

-and with a little guidance, gepard is sat in front of you and asking if anything's wrong and if so what he can do to help

-and initially, you're not really sure yourself

-you know that you don't feel the same as usual, but you tend to just go with the motions and wait it out

-and gepard furrows his brows when he hears this

-poor guy has no idea how to handle this without direction

-so he does some research and makes some notes on ways he can help you because he loves you

-and next thing you know his late working hours and overtime have turned into getting home before the sun goes down

-resulting in him having enough energy to do something with you and spend some quality time together, whether that be a date night in or just cooking a meal together

-and funnily enough, gepard notices not only a slight improvement in your overall mood, but in his as well

-with all those tips and tricks of maintaining a routine, he was glad to see your shared efforts come into fruition

-he almost felt his heart combust when you told him that being around him makes you feel better

-man is whipped he will walk the ends of the earth just to see you happy

𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 IF YOU LIKED THIS, TRY: fade into you!

honkai star rail masterlist ૮ • ﻌ - ა

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sassykinzonline · 11 days

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when people talk about naruto's repression they kind of miss a crucial element which is that it actually makes complete sense.

firstly from the power perspective, simply put, by its very nature he requires repression to function on a most basic level. this is opposite to the sharingan, which thrives on huge displays of emotion. im going to assume that the reason this is missed is because it runs counter to the personality traits each character is known for: the "emotionless, calm and cool" one actually is constantly accessing and expressing the most powerful of emotions, and the "expressive, empathetic and emotionally honest" one is actually warring with letting true emotions come to the surface. comparatively, when you look at starfire and raven from teen titans, you see that their personalities reflect their power. starfire is bright and expressive because thats how she best accesses her powers, and raven is subdued, controlled and calculated in order to control her powers. this means that contrary to popular belief, naruto isnt starfire-- naruto is raven. there are actually a few moments where you are subtly shown just how calculated naruto's displays of emotion are, and how they are reinforced in such a way (context is naruto being saddened that his request for parental affection was rebuffed):

which brings me to my second point: socialization. this part is straightforward. from itachi actively causing and incentivizing hatred and anger, to various mentors/people of influence (eg. kakashi) remaining silent at clear expressions of violent anger-- these negative emotions are not punished or discouraged when it come to the context theyre in. why? they are beneficial to the agenda of various characters. the revenge plot only starts being punished when its disadvantageous to the state. remember that there is a monetary value attached to the murder of itachi uchiha, and this is actually a common way to earn money. when you look at naruto, there is never a single instance when naruto is encouraged or even tolerated for having these emotions. the only exception who does this leaves him due to their own parallel struggle (side note: this is why naruto distinctly says the reason for his obsession is that this person accepted him more than anyone else, given this person is the only one who saw naruto's pain and anger and actually blamed his aggressors for it). naruto, raised implicitly to know that everyone seeks to be a tool of the state, and that in his case this is not just a choice but a requirement for his humanity. iruka's acknowledgment of naruto comes with an indication of possession, implying conditionality. people like kakashi, hiruzen, and others in positions of influence witness the abuse he faces, and ignore it or groom him into accepting the idea that he should appeal to his abusers for eventual acceptance. naruto meets gaara, someone with the same condition as him, but with radically different circumstances. whereas naruto's condition symbolically papers over his pain over time, gaara's is self-protective and defensive against his pain. gaara also occupies a position of power as the member of a royal family, and has siblings who are afraid of him but do hold some level of affection towards him. gaara's feelings of loneliness, while rational, come from a different place than naruto's. for gaara, he is surrounded by community that he doesnt know how to access. naruto has no community, he needs to find a way to forge one, but even when he does it is superficial. this dynamic is repeated in his introduction to killer bee, who from an early age is granted family and institutional protection. this isnt to say that the treatment of jinchuriki is ethical or healthy, but that naruto's situation is actually uniquely oppressive. kushina is the closest naruto gets to someone who validates this pain, but she cannot truly relate to him because she is never cripplingly alone (again, not to say her life was not difficult or oppressive or traumatic) and the object of her affections returns those feelings consistently and early on. naruto's trauma is thus compounded over and over by the conflict his need for his specific love interest causes: naruto is only tolerated as a weapon of the state, and in order to be an effective one he needs to love and be loved, but his love interest who allows him these negative emotions is an enemy of the state, leading to further isolation/tension from the state and pushing him towards the love interest.

as such, i actually think naruto does remarkably well at balancing this conflict and tension in a way that keeps him functional. though, obviously and eventually the compounding of his trauma and the repression of his pain is something that needs to be addressed. the only person who is capable of doing this in a way that puts naruto's wellbeing first ("when i saw you in pain...i also felt pain" and the subsequent frequent moments of protection and defence) only reunites with him at the end of the manga, so you never get to see that actually happen.

im assuming the reason why a lot of this is missed is partially because through framing this repression as positive through the majority of the manga (aside from naruto's own personal thoughts), the reader is never really forced to decide how they feel about the concept unlike the inherent conflict of the radical revenge plot. the other part is the grander, underlying allegory in the naruto story which is the varied manifestations AND expressions of trauma. through readers' responses and attention to certain individuals in the naruto story, you can learn how they relate to and look at trauma. to me, naruto himself is actually the example of a trauma victim who shows a brave face and thus isnt recognized. naruto is the woman who puts on makeup to cover the bruises to go to work a day after she is assaulted. who tells herself that she must have some part in it, so it isnt abuse. maybe she grew up in a family where no one answered when she cried, so she learned to keep it moving and stop crying.

lastly, on a greater scale, people also forget a crucial aspect of "yin/yang" is that things with a large properties of one, by nature will also come with a small amount of the opposite. thats what the smaller inner dots represent.

a more surface level example of this is that naruto's face is brash, large, and masculine-- these are yang traits and they are predominant in his appearance. however, looking closely at his rounded cheeks and eyes and the soft nature of his eye colour, there are subtle yin elements. naruto's "positivity" or "optimism" is fueled by a certain level of negative repression.

#naruto analysis #naruto meta #naruto #naruto uzumaki #uzumaki naruto #sasunaru #narusasu #pro naruto uzumaki #uh who are relevant characters to tag here #gaara #kushina uzumaki #sasuke #sasuke uchiha #uchiha sasuke #the rest is up to god #i wrote this in one go so typos are expected

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senlinyu · 10 months

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Since ao3 is down, here is a thing that was supposed to be a twitter drabble but it got too long so I forgot about it for eight months.

Dying Wish

//open ended, pining Draco, theomione, Dramione (vaguely), Tragic Theo.

Almost everyone said that Theodore Nott marrying Hermione Granger was unexpected but not surprising. Theo had always been academically insufferable, and Granger was infamously so. The relationship could have almost been called inevitable.

Everyone had stories about the absurdly saccharine workplace romance that unfolded. Coworkers by coincidence, they both showed up for a cancelled meeting, the waiting led to a shared project, and from there a whirlwind relationship.

They were engaged within a year.

A beautiful couple, a perfect match. Despite Theo possessing the near fatal flaw of having been in Slytherin, he compensated for any suspicion held by Granger’s friends by having a tragic life story practically from the moment of conception. A mother who’d died horribly young, and a monster of a father who’d always considered his son a bitter disappointment.

Theo had never taken the Dark Mark, he’d played no part in the war. He was self-deprecating and funny, and knew how to make people like him because he cared about people liking him. The kind of man who was perfectly happy to become ‘Hermione Granger’s husband,’ unlike the previous boyfriends who always wanted her bright but not ‘too bright’.

Draco was happy for Theo. In a very detached and uninvolved way. He wasn’t such a cunt that he would resent his best friend for finding love, even if it was with a person he habitually went out of his way to avoid.

Granger was, after all, a menace with a vicious protective streak, and a known right hook. Draco, in fact, knew it personally. No one was ever going to hurt Theo again, she would make sure of it.

Theo, for his part, had spent his entire life looking for someone who’d let him love them completely. Someone to give his heart and soul to. His adoration for Granger was nauseating, an ocean of unplumbed depths.

The stars seemed to align for them, every piece falling into place to create a perfect match: Two positively revolting swots joined in matrimonial bliss, happy as could be.

No one asked Draco if he wanted to be in excruciating proximity to the entire affair, and yet he somehow was. He helped Theo plan his proposal, and then had to listen to Theo practise his speech over and over without wincing, and then illuminate over five hundred fairy lights , cue a quartet, and then fling a garden’s worth of rose petals into the air, before apparating silently away.

He was the best man. He planned Theo’s stag night. Slapped him across the face when he started hyperventilating, kept the rings from getting lost, and signed as witness to the union.

When it was done and they were off on their honeymoon, he left the reception, and went to Greece for six months in order to detox from the entire revolting affair.

When he finally forced himself to go back, he coddled himself by ignoring most of their invitations, and only accepted the ones where he could arrive late and leave early and barely speak to the hosts.

Eventually Theo stopped bothering him.

After all, it was bad enough to hear how revoltingly happy they were together without seeing them.

Malfoys were emotionally repressed on principle. His father used to say that falling in love was something only poor people did.

If Draco had to witness Granger making cow eyes at Theo, he would suffer indigestion, and his mother had always said he was constitutionally delicate.

He didn’t particularly like company anyway, and Theo’s friends were mostly Granger’s friends, which was not a circle Draco ever felt comfortable in.

His uninvolvement was going swimmingly until he received a short, informal note in shaky writing.

‘I need to see you. Please come. Theo.’

Draco had always been better at refusing formal invitations than personal ones. What the fuck would Theo suddenly want? After all these years?

He tried to ignore it, but the vagueness ate at him, niggling at his curiosity until he gritted his teeth and apparated to Nott manor.

Instead of an elf, or a butler at least answering the door it was Granger herself who opened it.

“Malfoy, you’ve finally come. Theo will be so relieved.”

He swallowed hard.

It had been a few years since he’d seen her in person. Wasn’t she supposed to be blissfully married? Weren’t happy people supposed to glow or something?

She’d been glowing at the wedding. Draco remembered all clearly the way her face had lit up when all the lights illuminated and music started, and Theo, despite Draco’s repeated warnings, was on his knees reciting a poem he’d written for her.

Draco had nearly died from second hand embarrassment.

The memory of how happy she’d looked while Theo compared her to the moon in iambic pentameter before hundreds of people, had been seared irrevocably into his skull. It would probably still haunt when he was a ghost.

She was not glowing at all now. She looked sad, and tired.

“Granger,” he said, even though he was excruciatingly aware that she was married.

He expected her to correct him out of habit, and then he’d retort that she would always be Granger to him, and then they would exchange empty banter and it would pass as conversation, but instead she just said, “Theo’s upstairs,” and led the way.

Draco expected to be led to a study, or a horrible mad scientist type lab designed for two, but instead it was a dark bedroom.

Draco baulked at the doorway, and Granger went in. He could hear the hushed murmur of voices and then she came back.

“He’s awake and having a good day, call if you need anything.” Then she left him there.

Draco watched her vanish back down the stairs before setting his jaw and entering the room. Theo was pale as a sheet, propped up with pillows, his face lit up at the sight of Draco.

“You did come, you old bastard.”

“Yes,” Draco said awkwardly. “Is Granger finally poisoning you for your family fortune?”

He’d prefer to avoid greetings or comments about how long it had been, or asking what was wrong. It was clear that something was incredibly wrong. Theo was thin and greyish, everything about him faded, not at all the picture of health Draco had assumed he would be.

That he was supposed to be.

Theo gave a wan smile. “I wouldn’t blame her, but no. My mother, you might not remember, it was a maladiction that killed her. Apparently I inherited it. Another thing my father didn’t manage to beat out of me.”

Draco’s chest clenched. “Theo, I’m—”

Theo shook his head. “It’s fine. I’ve—worked through it. Mostly. There are stages to grief apparently. That’s what the books say. I’ve moved through denial, anger, bargaining and depression. It’s not entirely a linear process but I’m mostly at the acceptance point now. Figured we should say goodbye.”

Draco just stared at him. “You can’t be serious. You invited me here for goodbyes? Fuck off. You can’t just give up like that. You’re married. You have a wife, you can’t die and leave—“

“If there was a fucking cure, Hermione would have found it,” Theo cut him off, his usually soft voice hardening in a defensive way that startled Draco. “We’ve looked. We’ve tried everything. You’d know that, if you’d ever come around. She’s been trying for years. Admitting she couldn’t—she tried so hard.”

Draco felt like he’d been struck. “I—I’m sorry. Of course you did. I’ve been away. Busy. I have responsibilities.”

Theo rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “It’s alright, I know now why you didn’t.”

Theo sat up slowly. His body seemed shrunken, like a breath of wind could carry him away. “That’s why I needed to see you. I wanted to apologise. I’m sorry for not realising it sooner. I should have. Looking back—it’s so obvious.”

Draco forced a laugh. He had no idea what Theo was talking about but he was really not enjoying the conversation.

“Realising what? What’s obvious?”

“That you’re in love with Hermione.”

Draco’s entire body went stiff, something inside him crumbled and died as his heart stopped completely. His voice failed him the first several times he tried to speak. He looked away, clearing his throat repeatedly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. You sound mad.” He fidgeted with the potions on Theo’s bedside table, peering at them. “What kind of potions does Granger have you on?”

Theo slumped back, his eyes fluttering closed, his eyelids looked almost bruised with exhaustion. “I think back a lot. Mostly the years since the war, once my father was gone and things were getting better. I was remembering how much time we used to spend together. You were doing community service for probation, that elves thing Hermione founded. And I was going from one bad relationship to the next like some sad puppy.” He opened his eyes. “I was remembering how whenever I told you about anyone I dated, you always used to sneer and said they weren’t good enough for me, and gave the worst relationship advice ever. You Sabotaged me.”

“You had terrible taste,” Draco retorted, still sorting through the potions and still not liking at all the direction the conversation was going in. “It was a mercy on my part.”

“When I told you about Hermione, that I ran into her, and I asked you what you thought, do you remember what you said?”

“I can’t say I do,” Draco lied.

“You said I’d never be good enough for her. Then the next week, you came around again, and I remember you looked terrible and I assumed you’d had another fight with your parents, and you told me if I was serious, I should get a job at the Ministry, mentioned the rumour she’d had a time-turner at school. She was the only person you gave useful relationship advice about. Looking back, I don’t think it would have happened without you. Any of it.”

“Theo—“ Draco shifted awkwardly, having run out of potions to look at, “—it was just a joke, You can’t assume things like that. Granger? Really? Of anyone I could have feelings for. Your wife?” He exhaled raggedly. “Have you forgotten our history? Unlike you, I was a Death Eater. I was in the war. Even before then, I was awful, and they brought her to the manor and I—“

He’s rambling, he knew he was rambling. He needed to fucking shut up.

“I would never have been able to—“ His voice failed and there was a stone lodged in the bottom of his throat and he just stood there trying to keep from smashing everything within reach.

He needed a drink.

He threw a hand up, suddenly angry and turned on Theo, glaring. “It was just a fucking joke. I don’t even remember it.”

Theo simply nodded. “You were right though. I wasn’t good enough for her.”

Draco scoffed at that, turning away, inspecting the view. “I’m sure you did just fine. I always heard that you two were revoltingly happy. People said you were like some storybook couple. You two were good for each other—that’s really all that—“

He was stammering again.

He cut himself off. “You were happy together. Everyone said you made her happy. And I don’t do happiness, it gives me a rash.”

“Shut up,” Theo’s voice sharpened. “Fuck. I forgot how much you talk when you’re lying.”

He gave a heavy sigh. “You wanted us together, didn’t you? You engineered it.”

Draco gave a long suffering sigh. “Theo, you’re a moron. Just because you claim to be dying doesn’t mean I’m going to put up with a conspiracy theory that I’m in love with your wife.”

“Fuck off. You were my only friend, and you were the only reason I didn’t accidentally sabotage the relationship. All the times I would have rushed things, you stopped me. You were the reason why I managed to pull off all my harebrain romantic schemes. You made it work. And somehow I ended up married with the friends and family I always wanted, that you knew I wanted, and where the fuck did you go? Where have you been since then? Not here, that's for sure.”

Draco glanced out the window. “You wanted a new start, Theo. It was all you talked about once your father was in Azkaban. I was the past. Once you were married, you didn’t need me anymore. I was a hindrance.”

“You manipulated me,” Theo said, looking unreasonably infuriated for someone who’d gotten to marry the love of his life. “You self-loathing fuck. You thought you had it all worked out, had everything puppet-mastered. You nudged me right into her path to love her for you. Pushed us together so you would be alone the way you’ve convinced yourself you deserve to be.” He sounded winded. “Fuck. I’d punch you if I had the strength. And the thing I’m the most pissed off about, is that I was so enamoured, I didn’t notice. I thought it all worked perfectly that time because it was meant to.”

If Theo was expecting a confession he was going to be terribly disappointed.

“Maybe it did. I don’t know what you expect me to say about any of this. Even if any of that were true, what does it matter?”

“It matters,” Theo said.

Draco rolled his eyes.

“It matters because you have to take care of her when I’m gone.”

Draco’s heart stalled for a second time, but he recovered faster. “I’m sure you can get everything arranged in advance so she’ll be fine.”

“That’s what I’m doing right now. I can’t ask her friends to do this. They love her, but they don’t understand how to care for her. She takes care of everyone, but she doesn’t remember to take care of herself. She needs someone to be selfish for her, who will do whatever it takes to put her first. I can’t be your proxy anymore, it has to be you now.”

Draco’s neatly manicured nails were biting into his palm, he didn’t even know when his fists had clenched. “Theo…”

“I have spent so much time worrying about her, feeling like I can’t go because who’d be here to make sure she was alright. I’ve considered everyone, and when I got to you, I brushed you off at first, because you used to talk about how you couldn’t stand her. But eventually I wondered, why did you do so much to bring us together? If you really hated her so much. You always knew what she’d like. You figured things out about her that it took me ages to piece together. And you’re actually a rather shit liar, now that I’ve been thinking about it, if you’d really hated her, you would have been a lot nastier than you were.”

“I still don’t see the point in this conversation,” Draco said in a bored tone. “Granger can take care of herself. Especially with your fortune.”

Theo exhaled, like he was too tired now to fight anymore. “You are missing the point on purpose and we both know it.”

Draco did not know any such thing, still it was difficult to keep looking at Theo and he turned away.

“You did a good job at it. I’ll admit, you are the manipulative person I have ever known, if I weren’t dying, I probably would have never known. But now it’s my turn to be manipulative.”

“Well a good rule of thumb is not to tell the person you’re trying to manipulate that you’re doing it,” Draco said in a dry voice, turning to face him.

Theo was holding up his wand and had a wry smile on his face. “Fair enough. But I do have one final piece of leverage.”

Comprehension slowly dawned on him. “Theo, don’t you—“

“Draco Malfoy, it is my dying wish that you care for my wife when I am gone. Support her in her grief, and help her find joy in her future. Be there for her once I can’t be. Help her find herself again. Do you accept?”

Death Wishes were magic out of old grimoires. The kind that only insufferable people like Theo Nott would know how to perform.

Usually they were curses pronounced as the person died, but a rare iteration was rather like an Unbreakable Vow, if Draco refused, Theo would not pass on after death but instead linger as a ghost, attempting to fulfil the wish himself. If Draco accepted and then broke his word, Theo would come back from the afterlife and haunt him.

Bullshit all around either way.

Theo’s wand pulsed with magic, waiting for Draco’s answer.

Draco stood glaring at him. “I hate you.”

Theo glared right back. “If you weren’t such a self-sabotaging, self-loathing moron I wouldn’t have to do this. You think I want you hanging around my wife? I don’t. But being your proxy was also a shit realisation, consider this my way of getting even. You will make Hermione happy and you will get over your self-hatred and do it yourself this time or I will haunt you and I will make sure Hermione knows exactly why it is that I’m doing it. Do you accept?”

The magic was humming louder, growing brighter and Theo was beginning to turn translucent as though the magic was draining his life from him.

“Fine. Yes! I accept.”

The magic flared out and flew across the room, striking Draco and fading into him. He clutched at his chest but the light had gone.

He looked up.

“Fuck you, you manipulative bastard,” Draco finally said, his heart was pounding.

Theo just gave another wry smile. “You know, that’s exactly what I wanted to say when you walked in.” He sank back into bed, looking winded. “I’m glad you came to see me. I was starting to worry you wouldn’t and I was going to have to come up with a whole extra scheme. You saved me a lot of trouble. All worth it for Hermione though, right?”

Draco turned without another word and headed toward the door, desperate to be gone, even though he could feel Theo’s wish like a brand inside his soul waiting to come alive.

“You should go see Hermione,” Theo’s voice followed him, already threatening to haunt him. “You know, she admitted once to fancying you a bit back when you were volunteering at the charity. She’d planned to ask you out, but you never came around after your probation was over.”

#Dramione #draco malfoy #theomione

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whateversawesome · 4 months

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SxF Chapter 91: Perspective, History, Empathy

Let me start by saying that I didn't think this chapter would make me so emotional. Was it the same for you?

A small side character like Millie, who we saw only as one of Yor's annoying co-workers, turned out to have a very sad backstory and gave us a glimpse of how things are for young people in Ostania.

This chapter talks a lot about people understanding and misunderstanding each other. Millie was just talking about her own experience and feelings, she was explaining why it was so difficult for her to help during an event like this, and that lady felt personally attacked because she saw things from her own point of view and her sufferings.

In no way the story discards any of those ladies' sufferings; what they went through during the war was very difficult, I'm sure. Nevertheless, comparing their sufferings and demanding Millie to act the same way just because they were able to do it, it's not right.

They both had different experiences because their circumstances were different, so they face life in their own way. That's exactly Yor's point.

Here, Yor demonstrates her best quality (and one of the many reasons why her husband fell in love with her): Emotional strength.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; Yor is a very emotionally intelligent character. The way she stood up for Millie displayed all her emotional strength. She called out that woman in such a smart way!! She wasn't rude but her words were true and very wise.

One of the most important things Yor mentions is that we cannot bear the same load because we're different. And I couldn't agree more👏

Also, if we take it as a metaphor, Yor is such a strong person because she carried a very heavy load: as a child and an orphan, she had to take care of her brother. Because of this, a naturally kind person like her had to learn to murder in order to survive.

It was a beautiful chapter. On top of everything, we learned a few important things:

1.Yor did lose her parents during the war and because of the war.

2.Donovan Desmond did NOT start the war. But plenty of young people like Millie don't know that, so it's possible that since he was Prime Minister during most of the war, he gets blamed for starting it.

3.Donovan Desmond is hated by many. That's probably the reason why he's no longer in office. And it also wouldn't be surprising that the majority of people in Ostania who voted against him want to move on from the war.

3.Melinda still wears her wedding ring and, even though she's separated from her husband, she still counts him as an important person for her. I guess, you can hate a person's actions and opinions, hate what they have become, but care about them at the same time...their marriage is complicated.

4.Not only Yor and Twilight fear the SSS because of their jobs. The general population do too because they know rich and powerful people can make them disappear regardless whether they are spies or not. That means arrests and disappearences of innocent people are common.

5.There was a repression during war time. This means the state controls and restricts certain rights of its citizens. When war happens, the state may determine it's necessary to protect their country and citizens. Chances are that policing of others started then and Ostanians got used to living like that.

And now some questions:

Was Melinda being sincere? In my opinion yes (for the most part). Melinda is no longer campaigning for her husband. In fact, she's going there incognito. Since her husband is no longer the Prime Minister and they don't have any elections to win, she doesn't have to support this types of events. If you think about it, once a politician retires from the public eye, their spouse generally goes back to their normal life.

Something that caught my attention was that it was mentioned Melinda has a lot of enemies; probably because her husband has a lot of enemies too. If that's the case, it would be easier for Melinda to move abroad, where she could have a care-free life, yet, she has chosen to stay in Ostania. Why?

Melinda is still a very mysterious character. We don't know her plans or intentions. We don't know why she separated from her husband. My only guess is that she's suffered a great deal and that's why she's able to empathize with Millie, even though their experiences are different.

What do you think?

Bonus (to end on a light note):

This is the Sxf when we see Yor 😄

#spy x family #twiyor #Spy x family manga #Sxf #Spy x family #yor forger #loid forger #anya forger #loidyor #loid x yor #agent twilight #Spy x family meta #spy x family analysis

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atomicradiogirl · 4 months

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The Best House MD Scene

"You'd be surprised what you can live with."

In season 2, episode 6 of House MD “Spin” written by Sara Hess, there is a scene that I consider to be one of the best, if not the best, scenes of House. In the scene, Cameron is talking to Wilson alone in House’s office about how she cheated on her dying husband with his best friend while he was in the hospital. A conversation that is related to Wilson’s adulterous behavior and plethora of divorces. To relate to her story, Wilson tells Cameron that his relationship with his second wife, Bonnie, ended not because she was sick and he needed someone to cling to, but because he met someone that made him feel funny and good and he didn’t want to let that feeling go. Cameron looks at him in understanding. Wilson goes on to say that Cameron isn’t to blame for cheating on her husband since she couldn’t control her emotions, to which Cameron replies “No, just my actions.” When Wilson realizes that she didn’t sleep with him. Cameron says that she couldn’t live with herself if she did. Wilson gives a devilish smile in response, a silence that speaks volumes, and says, “You’d be surprised what you can live with,” and leaves the office.

This scene is so impactful, not because of any angst or emotional weight but because of the parallel and implications of this scene. Cameron and Wilson are characters who both interact but don’t really have a close relationship. This is one of the only instances where they seem to have a genuine emotional understanding of each other. There is also a very strong parallel between them, as they are both emotional and caring people who thrive on being needed by others. But most importantly, they both love broken people and the ultimate broken person, House. Cameron is still grappling with her feelings for House and the lack of gendered language used by Wilson as well as the general knowledge that there is no one else he could possibly be talking about, along with the fact that this conversation is literally happening in House’s office, solidly proves that this “mystery person” Wilson is talking about is House. “You’d be surprised what you can live with” might not necessarily mean that he slept with House, but it definitely confirms that there was at least a level of emotional cheating on his ex-wife with him. Something that is actually proven as the reason his second marriage with Bonnie ended. His being too devoted to helping House after his infarction was a primary reason. House making Wilson feel “funny” could be a way of Wilson saying he fell in love with House, or maybe House just made him feel needed in a way that Wilson couldn’t resist.

Regardless of how you read between the lines, the implication here is clear. Both Cameron and Wilson love House, and both of them are bonding in this scene over not having control over their emotions, especially over House. To me, “You’d be surprised what you can live with” is Wilson saying he can live with his feelings for House and he can live with knowing that he would do anything for him as well as a general acceptance that he could live with emotionally or physically cheating on his ex-wife with House. Cameron says nothing to this statement, and there is no follow-up to this conversation in the rest of the episode or the show. But it alone sets up an understanding in the audience of why Cameron cheated on her husband as well as why Wilson drops everything for House at any whim. It isn’t confirmed until 6 seasons later, but this is the start of the many cleverly placed obvious hints that Wilson loves House, despite his feelings being deeply repressed and seemingly unreciprocated for the majority of the show or throughout their relationship that we, the audience get to see. This scene stands out as a rare moment of cross-character connections that we don’t often get to see in House. From side characters. Yes, it is about House and what he means to both of them, but it delves into the shared inner experiences of these two characters, whom we get pieces of understanding throughout the show. This scene is my favorite scene of House, and while it might not be the most flashy or cinematic, it is the pure example of the show’s outstanding writing.

#house md #s2e6 spin #yes i wrote a whole 800 words about this scene #literal essay posting #in this essay i will #allison cameron #james wilson #hilson #gregory house #my thoughts #this scene makes me lose my marbles

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quasarifxxy · 1 year

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What primarily drew me to Kazurei as a pairing isn't the roommate trope, nor the golden retriever and brood cat trope, or the gay spy x family gag, but rather this scene from Episode 8 (that I'm somehow still not over.)

It's the mutual reluctance to love and let themselves heal, with the exception that Kazuki couldn't stand to see Rei in the same position as him, so he offers to take care of him anyway. Both, who had a rough relationship with love, let themselves confide in each other. Rei, who found comfort and experienced what it's like to be taken care of, and Kazuki, who can't help but to extend care because it's something that's just... natural to do in his position. Kazuki, who is hurted by love that is taken from him over and over again, offers what he'd regard as a bare minimum because deep down, he wants his remaining loved ones (and in this timeline just rei) to feel the love he always desired.

Though Kazuki is seemingly full of emotions every time (enough to almost repress his sadness), his actions are always so gentle and full of warmth.

What makes it more beautiful is how Rei adapts Kazuki concept's, or rather, way to express love to Miri (with the most apparent example being Episode 9) considering Kazuki was probably one of if not the first person he'd experienced and therefore actively saw it from. He initially wasn't able to comprehend how to love and be loved, and only through Kazuki's deeds did he learn how comforting and nice it is to be cared for, so he wanted to extend that to Miri after realizing how much his family meant to him.

Going back to the topic, I genuinely adore how Kazurei is a pairing consisting of two people who weren't given the opportunity to love, and during their time before Miri subconsciously fulfilled each other's emotional needs. Though initially distant, they immediately clicked because they fit together like puzzle pieces. Similar desires but difference in approach and seek what the other has.

While there is mutual understanding between them, being able to read each other, neither of the two had the will to step onto each others' boundaries and address it. It was satisfying to see them grow closer emotionally and form the courage to communicate, with great examples being the last few episodes of the series.

Tl;dr the soft aspect of Kazurei made me complerely fall in love with the pairing and I used to be neutral about it

#buddy daddies #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #kazurei #i did not fuckinf mean to type a long post oh my GOD my apologies for being so obsessed with them #buddy daddies meta #if it even... counts???#idk LMAO #we loving that dash of early codependency 😍#and now they finally stand on equal footing if its to be miri's parents UGH #this probably doesnt make sense and has a lot of errors because im supposed to be doing smth else rn but #kazurei in the brain (they wont get out!!!)#can i be normal about this family for one fucking SECOND

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slasher-dasher · 4 months

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Ummmmm

Headcanons where the slashers end up dating a cute s/o like the COMPLETE opposite of them like their s/o loves to dress in cute clothes and is very bubbly and sweet and caring and the slashers just a murderer- (words are hard)

Slashers w/an Opposite S/O

︶꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷♡꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦︶

Danny Johnson:

He loves horror movies, and doesn't get that scared easily bc of this. You though...

Every time you two have a movie night you cling to him for dear life. He does cover your eyes during more intense scenes so you don't get sick/squeamish from the gore. (You two watch a more lighthearted movie after nights like that)

Loves this, he likes knowing that you want to enjoy his interests even if it's not your thing, and that he does the same. Loves knowing you aren't afraid of him

Also likes how caring you are towards him, especially when he's being distant to prepare for a hunt

HATES how sweet you are to everyone else, but he doesn't let it show unless the other person thinks you're flirting. Danny gets jealous very easily

RZ!Michael Myers:

He's absolutely the creative one out of the two of you, a lot of the house decor was chosen by both of you and arranged by him, along with some homemade items for a personal touch. Many things he makes are on display

He peeked into your closet once to make you a few masks and took psychic damage from all the colors in it. You two are like the black and pink house meme

If he isn't wearing his white mask and coveralls, he's wearing band t-shirts, black jeans or sweatpants, and any of his masks that fit the outfit (usually the orange one)

Doesn't seem to be bothered by your bubbly personality, but when you get either too loud or really hyper he holds your head in his hands to let you both calm down for a bit

Michael is not an affectionate person, but he won't push you away if you try to cuddle or hug him, he just won't initiate

Bo Sinclair:

Angry man who's mad at the world 🤝 the person who makes him soft

Your happy-go-lucky personality does make him melt though, even if he doesn't want to admit it. His brothers joke with him about it constantly

Vincent is the only one who tries to keep the house clean when he's there, but the other two Sinclair's don't really keep up with it. Thankfully, you love to have a clean space, and it stops Bo in his tracks the first time he walks in on you scrubbing every surface in sight

He still has his moments, especially if you've been away from him for longer than an hour. You're taken everywhere he can drag you if he's feeling jealous (as far away from his brothers as possible)

Bo is a very emotionally repressed person, so someone like you who just seems to be an open book is very new for him. Might not want to get too close to you at first bc he doesn't want to scare you off

Billy Lenz:

Oh you are in for a hectic partner with Billy

The first time you pick up one of his calls and hear how vulgar he is you're a blushing mess, and he eats that shit up. No one else can pick up when he calls or your sorority friends start going missing.

You'd think he'd be clingy but he doesn't like to be touched unless he asks, which you forget about sometimes (cue dissociation)

Your softness also caught him off guard. He knew you were easily embarrassed, but he didn't know you would be understanding too

His talking and echolalia are at all time highs around you. Most of your time in the attic is hours of him talking about whatever pops into his mind while you just quietly listen. He likes this much better than talking to you on the phone bc it's just you two (and Claude sometimes)

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buckybarnesss · 9 months

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Bro, the noise I just made. I literally cannot stand the fanon for Stiles or Derek. It is so so soooo bad, I think these people literally have only seen the 2 hour sterek compilation. Every day I am like "who fucking told you people that Derek never smiles and has no sense of humor?"

Stiles gets turned into this big eyed, kitten twink who wouldn't dare to misbehave because he's the sheriff's son (the kid who gets drunk in the WOODS, and gets his dad drunk so he can steal casefiles!!)

Derek like... He is either completely useless and cannot dress himself for a date without fanon!Laura (do not get me started) telling him what to do, or he is so emotionally repressed and damage that he can barely handle someone kissing him without him falling to pieces.

LIKE. Derek smiles. Derek makes jokes!! Derek laughed at Stiles right before the pool scene. Derek knows how to use a cellphone and a laptop. Derek is a goddamn millenial, he knows what grumpy cat is. He knows he's hot, he has a mirror!!

Also... the man lived in New York fucking City. He's not afraid of crowds or talking to people or making out, he uses sex to get his way (Erica and the deputy at the front desk!!)

i know.

like, there's a period of fics that are usually from the s1-2 period that lean pretty hard on derek's dark, brooding and grumpiness from season 1 but of course he was like that. he was going through The Horrors during season 1. he was grieving laura, he was being retraumatized by kate and dealing with scott, stiles and fucking jackson.

he wasn't one dimensional though. his anger was a mask for all the fear, confusion and trying to be in control.

do you know how many fics i've read where people have stiles think about all the apparent physical violence derek has done to stiles as if he's always slamming him into surfaces? way too many to count and it's incorrect. off the top of my head i can count 3 times derek did something like that to stiles. the shove into the wall and slam into the steering wheel in wolf's bane both of which had a point to them. whether or not it was a good emotional response doesn't matter. what matters is that they were not random or part of derek's personality. he didn't just shove stiles into things every time he saw him. the wall shove in s4 with de-aged derek was a deliberate call back to that very instance in wolf's bane. it was literally coupled with the whole cousin miguel bit.

fandom doesn't like to acknowledge that derek hale isn't particularly violent over the course of the show. he hardly even wins the fights he engages in and he is often forced into fights knowing he cannot win.

our boy mostly ends up on the fucking floor.

derek also does make jokes. dry ones usually he thinks they are hilarious too. he thinks he's a funny guy. his dad joke game must've been off the charts, sorry eli.

he and stiles trade barbs a lot and he thinks stiles is funny. stiles amuses him and he indulges it a few times. he shows off to stiles too like a loser.

he likes to fuck with scott and stiles and enjoys taking the piss out of peter. he genuinely enjoyed fucking with liam in s4.

he's not a luddite either. he has a cellphone and we see him use it. i bet he plays games on it. i bet he plays candy crush and words with friends.

and fanon evolved to strip away that stiles is an asshole. he a violent little freak. he threatens people, he expresses regularly his desire to kill people or have them die, he cares about a very small selection of people in his life and if you're not in that circle than god be with your ass because stiles most definitely won't.

he loves and respects his father but this doesn't mean stiles respects the law which is why i don't know why the law enforcement route was chosen for him. stiles hates rules and boundaries. he chafes at them.

stiles casually helps kira and scott break into evidence to get her cell phone. he tells scott's fbi agent father to fuck himself. he got his dad drunk to get access to case files. he copies people's keys. he's a nosy shit.

the whole show started because stiles was a nosy punk kid who wanted to see a dead body.

but i digress.

fanon stiles had a lot of scott's characteristics projected onto him so they could bash scott. i know there's a lot of people who don't like scott which is fine or whatever but there are so many that do it so they can make a pinata out of a character they've extracted all the good points from and give to their favorite little white boy fav.

stiles "i will beat you with a bat" stilinski is a freaky little shit who will bite you.

do you know how hard i laughed when in s3 stiles and isaac genuinely just like could not stand each other? they couldn't be in the same room with out insulting one another and it was the complete opposite of stiles being oh so sensitive to isaac's past and history than straight up in 3b stiles the epitome of insensitive says to isaac something about still milking it (his abuse). stiles is a dick.

i also genuinely have umbrage with the pack mom trope that stiles gets saddled with. the way fandom has oft feminized stiles leaves a bad taste in my mouth too.

derek and stiles are both assholes and i love them very much.

#my blog #teen wolf #thoughts on teen wolf #sterek #derek hale

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odyssean-flower · 9 months

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My Yandere Neuvillette and Wriothesley characterizations

I feel like I'm mixing up these two's characterizations in my head so I'll write them down here as reference. These will probably change as we learn more about them.

Please feel free to submit any suggestions!

Neuvillette

He gives off a very paternalistic feeling--he's Father

Authoritative, comes off as condescending and judgy even when he isn't trying to be

Can read you like a book

Big fan of procedures and rules

Doesn't show much emotion on his face, but as you spend more time with him you can see the subtle shifts in his expressions

Super emotionally repressed (turbo virgin)...until he met you

Honestly I think he would be pretty relaxed and chill even as a yandere, not because he values your personal freedom or anything, it's because he knows full well that you'll never get away from him

I think he'd be a bit less relaxed and chill before you become his darling, because there's still a small chance you can get away from him (bonus points if you reject him. Then you will really see him slightly less chill)

Will probably try to court his darling first before trying more underhanded means

Generally acts like a gentleman even as he is keeping you imprisoned against your will

Not the type to get super angry, just disappointed. If you push him too far, though...

He has a lot of patience for your "shortcomings" because fundamentally he sees you as someone who needs to be "educated" and "disciplined"

I think that for him, you're the first person he feels something for, and that simultaneously bothers him and intrigues him--Him? Feeling things for a human??? Huh????

I think even if you get into a relationship with him willingly, he'll still eventually confine you in his house anyways. That's probably where you'll spend most of your time, but he'll take you out to the theater or something from time to time (even all powerful chief justices like to flaunt their darlings sometimes)

Doesn't really dote on you heavily, but he's pretty soft when it's just the two of you. Likes to kiss the top of your head and wrap his arms around you. Would really love it if he

But he also has high expectations for you. He'll make you read and memorize Fontaine's literature and laws, drill you on etiquette, train you on how to speak and act with him. It's not so much he thinks you're uncultured, he just thinks that everyone should be cultured, especially you

Won't use his cane to hit you (unless you really push him too far). Mostly uses it to correct your posture, tilt your head up, etc. (Spankings are a different story however)

If you're a shy and demure person, he will probably be very warm, protective and patient with you. Probably wouldn't even seem like a yandere at all if not for the controlling behavior. (Is this a daddy kink)

If you're more feisty and argumentative, he...will probably kinda enjoy that? On one hand you remind him of a certain archon he has to put up with, which annoys him because he sees you as a sort of refuge away from that, but on the other hand it further stimulates his desire to control everything about you, to tame you, basically. So I think he'll probably treat you more roughly

Wriothesley

Ok this one is harder especially because I really don't know what to make of him after reading his drip marketing description. So I will just write about how he is in my fic A Choice Forged in Blood

So Wriothesley is a lot like Neuvillette in that he's pretty stoic, but the difference is that Neuvillette is like that all the time, while Wriothesley is mainly like that because of his job/reputation. He is much more open with the people who know him well

I headcanon Wriothesley to be more "romantic" than Neuvillette

He knows how intimidating he is, isn't that bothered by it most of the time, but does sigh about it sometimes when he's just out and about and everyone gives him a wide distance

But when he meets you...ooh boy

Depending on whether you treat him normally or are scared of him like everyone else, he will approach you differently

If you treat him normally: *brain short circuits* he doesn't know how to react to that. He wants to approach you but doesn't know how without the fear of scaring you away. Ironically treating him normally only flusters him more. Will probably try to find out everything about you, and try to be around you as much as he can, blushes an awful lot when you're around

If you're scared of him: yeah he expected that and he's sad. Will keep a distance from you, still tries to find out everything about you in order to figure out how to appeal to you, gets really jealous when you smile around anyone other than him, kabedon maybe idk

Will try his best to hold back his growing feelings because of his innate morals, but it gets harder each day. He can't stop thinking about you

When he snaps eventually, oh boy (see: poor y/n from my fic)

Will just take you by force, will feel bad about starting off your "relationship" too forcefully but does NOT regret doing it in the first place

Tries his best to be gentle, likes to sit you on his lap, cuddle with you; will melt if you initiate physical affection with him

Enjoys going out with you (if he can do so without handcuffing your wrist to his) and simply spending time with you

Will be very protective of you, will still get insecure and compare himself to others

Just wants to be loved back and live in domestic bliss with you :(

Will be sad about it but won't hesitate to tie you to his bed if you get too rebellious

#yandere neuvillette x reader #yandere wriothesley x reader #my writing

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necroromantics · 2 months

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TicciWork is a great ship for angst, but what about the fluff?

- Both Clockwork and Toby HATE being touched unless its by each other. Clocks love language is physical touch so she's always holding Tobys hand or awkwardly curling her body in with his. Toby gives really good hugs and its like their bodies were made to embrace

- Toby knows just how to make Clockwork laugh, even on a bad day. She'll be in the worst mood and he'll know exactly what to say/do to calm her down and get her to crack a smile. She'll try to fight it back, but Toby will just push harder until she gives in

- He loves her laugh. Most people think its a bit too loud, obnoxious, but he loves her cackle more than anything. He'd throw himself to the ground just to hear her laugh

- On the other hand, Clockwork gets so embarrassingly flustered when Toby smiles. A big toothy grin, beaming like the sun. She gets all red and butterflies she can't explain. Whenever he smiles at her she has to look away before her heart explodes

- Both of them have their fare share of bad sleeping habits. The best sleep they get is when they fall asleep together

- Toby is the only person Clockwork has told about her trauma. And he's the only person who said it wasn't her fault

- He's also the one who encouraged her to draw again, the first one to compliment her art, call her talented, say its cool and unique instead of weird and inappropriate

- Clockwork doesn't care about much, she's reckless and emotionally repressed, but she worries so much about Toby it pisses her off. She always makes sure he's eating properly, staying safe on missions, looking after himself, etc

- Shes also overprotective of him. If anyone insults him, treats him badly, puts him down, they're immediately on her shit list. Its them against the world, and she's not going to let the world hurt her boy

- Their relationship is very equal effort and they have such a deep care and understanding for each other. Toby has a history of being around people where he has to give everything to keep them safe, but with Clockwork he can finally relax

- The only time Toby has ever felt at peace is with Clockwork

- Toby thinks she's the coolest girl ever, this idiot genuinely has the biggest most pathetic crush on her which he tries to hide and fails miserably

- They have very similar music tastes, they banter, gossip, have fun together. Toby will burn CDs of all her favourite songs, Clockwork will draw him things. Their relationship has a strong foundation of friendship, and an even stronger foundation of admiration and love

#ticci toby #ticciwork #creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #clockwork #ticci toby headcanons #toby rogers #creepypasta ticci toby #ticci toby creepypasta #clockwork x ticci toby #clockwork headcanons #natalie ouellette #ticciwork headcanons

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wing-ed-thing · 6 months

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Annie Leonhart Relationship Headcanons

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns

𓆃 Because no matter how Annie actually feels about you, she's one to keep her distance. Your best bet is to kind of ease into any kind of relationship you can get.

𓆃 Perhaps you might have higher chances if and when you survive the national conflicts, but given her withdrawn and skeptical nature, it's very likely that even post-war, it will take a significant amount of years for Annie to even consider an invested relationship.

𓆃 Or, she'll immediately dive into a relationship and remain emotionally unavailable and aloof. Both are likely depending on the circumstance.

𓆃 Annie is naturally reserved, rather blunt, and calculating. Add into the mix guilt, loneliness, repressed childhood emotions, and Annie's tentative attitudes toward compassion, and you have the perfect storm for an emotionally unavailable partner.

𓆃 This is, of course, not to say that she's one to wait until she's "perfect" or otherwise "healed" to dive into the dating life. Rather, this has more to do about the rate at which she'll warm up to you.

𓆃 You have the best chances being a long-term friend and support and having that friendship evolve into something more. Annie is most definitely not one for fuzzies or touchy-feely things, but you can warm her up to gestures that are more on her level.

𓆃 Your relationship will likely be an unspoken one as well. Don't expect Annie to use labels to introduce you or refer to you. Perhaps you'll get "partner" down the line if you're very close and very lucky.

𓆃 And don't expect large, traditional milestones that other couples may have. Annie hasn't been planning a wedding, picking out engagement rings, or pointing out ideal locations for an engagement.

𓆃 Perhaps you can convince her for an intimate ceremony if you insist that those sorts of things are important for you, but anything that borders on grandiose Annie will certainly consider offensive.

𓆃 She's honestly quite the contradiction, because there's a yearning deep down for deep relationships— she is human, after all— but she's prone to self-sabotage and general aloofness.

𓆃 This may lead her to jump into commitments that she's not actually committed to. She wants your love and attention, but only on her terms because she doesn't feel whole.

𓆃 And maybe you can have a moment just the two of you when she finally reaches an emotional breaking point. Maybe then you can almost build up to a real relationship within your relationship.

𓆃 Annie also isn't one to perform traditional gestures of affection. Don't expect flowers, cutsie acts of domestic labor, or words of affirmation. While she does have a threshold for acts of physical affection, they're executed more like a mundane chore or in times of extreme emotion.

𓆃 Most gestures of affection, you have to squint to see. A lot of them come from her upbringing.

𓆃 Physical activity such as runs, strength workouts, and wrestling is something Annie will willingly bond over and will form an integral part of your relationship. Even if you are unable or unwilling to perform at the intensity that Annie holds herself to, meeting you where you're at is a real gesture of affection for her.

𓆃 She's not a cook but can and will make some cultural foods that have been passed down from her father for you. It's rare, but the cooking is surprisingly solid.

𓆃 Annie is an interesting person to have a relationship with and likely the only one where you can be equally emotionally stunted in and still have a working connection.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

#annie x reader #annie leonhardt x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #annie #annie leonhart #annie leonhardt x you #annie leonhardt headcanons #annie headcanons #aot headcanons #aot headcanon #snk headcanons #x reader #x you #reader insert #gn!reader

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