#the inherent comfort and safety in having a divinity | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pallastrology · 10 months

Text

how love flows through the houses

first house - in the first house, love flows through us from the first breath. we aren’t always loved by those around us, or by ourselves, but i believe we are at our best when love is in all that we do, and all that we are. the first house rules selfhood; our identity, instincts and reactions, our outward expression. from birth, we naturally seek out attachment and love, and this need never really leaves us, simply changing shape over the years. the first house asks us to be the loving adult we needed as children. to treat ourselves with the love we deserve as humans. it asks us to be ourselves, radically and relentlessly, and not to shrink or hide ourselves from the world. it asks us to be.

second house - the second house is where we find love in our immediate surroundings. it’s how we value ourselves, how we value those around us. the security and comfort we feel in the womb, and later, when we find our true home. it’s feeling safe in our own skin, nourishing and embracing ourselves, letting down an anchor within that we can always return to when times are hard and chaos rules our lives. the love of the second house is found through seeing the inherent worth we have as human beings. it’s love that comes from enough; have enough, feel enough, good enough.

third house - in the third house, love is expressed through curiosity, communication, connections. the questioning eyes of an eager child, the first time you met your childhood best friend, staying up all night to finish a new book. it isn’t a romantic kind of love, but the love that we have for our siblings, our friends, our hometown. there’s a sense of nostalgia to it; it’s pure and sweet and a little silly at times. life can often shame and sweep this type of love away as we get older and have to conform to ever-shifting goalposts. the love of the third house comes from a deep desire to understand, and a keenness to connect with the world - and people - around us. we feel it most when we communicate honestly with ourselves and others, and allow ourselves to be beginners.

fourth house - love in the fourth house feels like sitting under a blanket while a storm blares outside. it’s safety, warmth, a soft, sleepy embrace. it’s the faultless environment of the womb. the fourth house is associated with family, and its love is unconditional, like a family’s should be. we aren’t always blessed with good relatives, but i believe we find our true families throughout life, and that they will love us truly and simply, with no airings attached. we feel the love of the fourth house when we nurture the small, soft parts of ourselves and treat them with the love they missed out on earlier; when we are with our family, whoever they may be; when we are curled up in a corner and everything is okay for now.

fifth house - in the fifth house, it’s easy to see love; it’s all about what we create, what we adore and admire, what we breathe life into. it’s a light, sparkling kind of love, that fills us with a glow and a sense of belonging. it is a love to be shared freely and enthusiastically, to show off a little. when we create a work of art, when we connect with a person for the first time, when we make someone’s day, when we hold a newborn for the first time and see how fragile and beautiful they are, we are embodying the spirit of love in the fifth house. we can honour it by showing ourselves respect, kindness, and pride, by being generous and passionate, by having firsts and by having fun along the way.

sixth house - now we plant our feet back on the ground and find ourselves in the sixth house. love here is much more subtle, but we see it through service; what we do for ourselves, our loved ones, our environment. i would say the theme is devotion, not necessarily in the religious sense, though religion is a divine kind of love in and of itself; but we devote ourselves through selfless, timeless love, and that is exactly the spirit of the sixth house. why do we tend a garden? why do we take in animals? why do we kiss a scraped knee? it all comes from love. when we dedicate ourselves to living at a kinder pace, to taking the time to breathe, to finding the ritualistic in the mundane and to creating a sustainable way of living for ourselves and our loved ones, we are full of love.

seventh house - the seventh house is all about partnership. it’s one of the houses that is almost always associated with love, because it traditionally rules our marriage partner and is ruled by venus and libra. but there’s more to love than marriage, and that’s why i like to say partnership instead. you could say that love is expressed in the seventh house through one-on-one connections; both romantically and otherwise, this is where we love the individuals we journey through life with. it’s all about that red thread that runs between you and them. there’s an intimacy and uniqueness to each relationship here, where you and they are reflected at each other. the love of the seventh house is most clearly felt in those moments when there is nothing else in the world but the two of you.

eighth house - the eighth house is another one that’s often associated with love, though of a less cerebral type than its predecessor. we generally think of the physical here, and that’s not wrong, but perhaps misses an important piece of the puzzle; the eighth house rules shared resources. our bodies are a resource when it comes to love, but really, what we are sharing is trust, vulnerability, the binding of two souls as one. when we meet in the middle with love at the forefront, we give a piece of ourselves, and receive a piece of our lover. we each become the missing piece of the other, transforming ourselves on a level we may or may not feel. love here can be murky, but it runs deep and wild.

ninth house - in the ninth house, we find a subtle, cool love. it isn’t fiery or romantic, but it is ageless and transcendent. the ninth house is all about wisdom, exploration, religion, travel. love here is best felt when we do what we love; when we are learning, growing, moving. stagnation is no good here, and the ninth house shows us we need to be challenged a little in order to become our best selves. it doesn’t mean we need to suffer, but when everything is easy, we stop learning and we stop really living. being honest, explorative, open-minded and passionate is the way to embody this patient, unorthodox kind of love.

tenth house - here, we find love through legacy. what have we built? what have we become? the fire within that helped us grow through our challenges, that helped us find our place and master it, and allowed us to build something worth keeping, is where love resides. it’s that little voice inside that urges us forward when everything is dark. it’s ambition, courage, patience and diligence. we see it in good leaders, in kind parents. love here isn’t always pretty, but it is real. it asks us to create something to leave behind, to pass our love down. it asks us to take control of our destiny and then to relinquish it to our descendants.

eleventh house - in the eleventh house, love is felt and expressed through ideas. the nurturing and sharing of ideas and ideals is what helps us build community; it’s what allows us to better the lives of who and what we love. love is fostered through collaboration, and the eleventh house, ruling friends, community and the widest of our social connections, is all about collaborative effort. i believe that the eleventh house teaches us that love isn’t always easy. it’s work, it involves a lot of slowing down and showing up, a lot of listening, it can be slow and tedious. but love is about wanting to be our best selves, and share our best with the ones we love.

twelfth house - pure, infinite, unconditional love. it's unspoken, untouched, but ever-present. it follows us from the first to the last breath, and wraps itself around us like a silken shroud as we step into the next life. we often don't feel this universal love, not consciously; it's a part of everything. do we feel the oxygen in the air we breathe? well, we feel the lack of it. but here in the twelfth house, there is no lack of love. like its ruling sign of pisces, it’s deep, far beyond our consciousness, and draws from infinite pools of unconditional, true love. we embody it by being vulnerable, kind, and finding the lyricism in the everyday.

#pallastrology #astrology #astrology blog #first house #second house #third house #fourth house #fifth house #sixth house #seventh house #eighth house #ninth house #tenth house #eleventh house #twelfth house #astrology post

108 notes · View notes

justslowdown · 7 months

Text

My dad's side of the family is from Slovakia, and a very mystical, sensory sort of Catholicism is part of my heritage. That's always felt strange

I was raised by pagan and Daoist influenced agnostics--my first drawing of god was a tree. Then, I was an asshole Dawkins-Influenced Rational Atheist from middle school til early college, bullied both by other students and by teachers in a heavily Christian area.

I hated Christianity and by extension Catholicism, even though I'd never bothered to learn about where it's rooted in my grandparents' experiences. Now I have strong feelings about Christianity for other reasons--a weapon of colonization isn't neutral. I feel that even as I honor and understand how integral it is to many peoples' senses of safety, comfort, and hope, and how it is a lens through which many people experience true divinity.

Now that my grandma is gone, I have so many regrets. She was the spiritual heart of the family even as she was also a rigorously scientifically minded woman. She was a lab tech before she got married, and everyone who knew her agrees she'd have been happier as a scientist than as a mother

She was a force of nature, powerful and strong willed. I don't know how she felt about herself but I see her as a witch from a heritage of equally spiritual, powerful, intense, in-charge women. She fought for immigrant rights, and worked in hospice and in prisons as a spiritual counselor. She didn't feel motherly or comforting--she simply felt like a strong woman with absolute core respect for every human being's dignity.

When I was growing up I couldn't reconcile all of who she was with her burning devout Catholicism. It seemed fantastical and morbid to me. The imagery and the heavy heavy layers of ritual. Now that I'm older and have talked to a lot of my family about her, i know she FELT Mary and Jesus, she didn't simply follow what she was told.

What I'd give to talk to her again. To hear what the rituals and prayer felt like to her. How she melded her curious and evidence-based nature and love of science with her practices. My feelings on Catholicism are still complicated, but after she passed, I have such deep regret for never talking to her about her experiences. They must have been so unique and personal.

I remember her writing a letter for her church bulletin and making my grandpa sign his name to it, because of his inherent social power as a man--about supporting gay marriage. This was 2008. I remember as a hospice worker, how she asserted a right to perform last rites as a woman. How she chose to go on birth control. That she loved my feral genderless self who couldn't stand her church, without ever saying a single word to try and convince me of her faith. So many small stories and moments.

I was so small minded and immature, growing up. Catholicism was just a funny outdated delusion to me.

My dad, a spiritual agnostic, told me that the heavy ceremony and ritual of her Catholic funeral, the smoke, carrying her casket, were deeply meaningful to him. They helped his mourning process along in a way the nondenominational scattering of ashes after couldn't.

I really feel like in this push for "progress" and "rationality" most Americans have lost ritual and trancelike, embodied spirituality.

Lost our experience of metaphor as reality on some level, and our sheer awe for the divine. It hurts my heart that Christianity is the lens through which so many of us translate all of this, but I've matured past a childish hatred for the people who feel it and don't/can't put in the work to pull it apart from the literal framework built into their brains

And I just wish I'd found that sooner.

41 notes · View notes

featherwurm · 24 days

Text

The monastery Tav hails from is one of the largest in Baulder’s Gate, and exists in service to the god of justice, Helm. It’s practice is a blend of traditions, with a structure that both serves religious and martial ends. Like any nearly self-sufficient monastery, it is an institution, and almost a little city unto itself. It is large enough to not only support monk-related religious practice and study (which includes the infrastructural support for people who live there – gardens, baths, kitchens, classrooms, dormitories, libraries), but also training for combat-oriented monks, paladins, and clerics, social services for the city (food and medical care for the poor, orphan and other child-related care and services), educational facilities (with a religious bent, but also considered to be a high quality of schooling), and of course, plenty of functions and celebrations. It is a permanent home to many people, and a temporary one for many more.

This close little group used to hang out between the time Tav entered the monastery and left as a solo wandering monk (ages 12-21) – she still crosses paths with them occasionally. They all like to hang out and catch up as adults. They are not her only friends, but they are her closest ones from her time in the monastery, they grew up together and all know each other’s business. They are the ‘weird kids’ that found each other and have stuck together – knowing each other eased a lot of issues from their younger years.

Descriptions below (age is as of the end of the events of Baulder's Gate 3):

Sahayla Cove (52, F, Human) – Very shy and always a little young for her years, she found comfort and safety hanging out with this bunch of weirdos who thought she was very cool and interesting. Eldest of the group. Artistically talented, currently an illuminator at the monastery and loves it. Schooled at the monastery since primary school, took to boarding there for secondary school. As with Tav, has family in Baulder’s gate but her relationships there are very strained. Found comfort in the monastery and never left – is very theologically loyal to Helm as practice, but likes lively debate on divine topics (tends to view gods as just doing their jobs, and sometimes not doing it well.) (Trans woman.)

Dumah Malekson (50, M, Human… or was anyway) – Pragmatic and kind, intelligent and sensible, generally the ring-leader of the group, unless one of the younger ones got a hair up about causing a specific kind of trouble (he only ever held them back JUST enough to stay out of serious trouble – mischief and nonsense were always fine.) Less the dad-friend and more the NCO friend. One of many children of a large Bauldiran noble family who didn’t stand to inherent anything in the long term and was coaxed by his family into joining the monastery as the proper and right thing to do (both for his sake and theirs – it was… mostly his decision.) Eventually trained as and went to adventure as a Paladin of Helm – and has many of his own stories to tell.

Ceili Meddleweed (48, NB, Halfling) – Thoughtful but strongly opinionated and kindof bossy (occasionally got into some VERY mean verbal fights with Tav). Suffers from an unfortunate condition called “being right.” Very nearsighted, and small even for a halfling. Quite contradictory – orderly but not neat, impatient but kind, has a hand in everything they can reach and a wicked memory, but is only really interested in their own business. Originally entered monastic training to become a monk (and be combat trained,) but lost interest in their later teens, preferring study anything that sat still long enough (which proved no trouble to change in the monastery.) Like Tav they still have blood relatives in Baulder’s Gate they interact with – their relationships are fine. They work as a librarian now in the upper city (not in the monastery,) and are a little leery, skeptical, and gruff, but ultimately very very knowledgeable and eager to share it when prompted. (Might also be a sorcerer but keeps their casting ability on the down low – hold person is a cantrip, right?)

Pareesa Denbek (46, F, Tiefling) – Generally quiet and observant (sometimes to a point of being seen as ‘creepy’), but will speak at length once trusting and happy. Born to human parents, they did try to care for her, but were lost to tragedy (probably Bhallist activity – but no suspects were ever named) – became a ward of the state and was bounced around for far too long in foster care until finding a permanent home in the monastery. Although a little traumatized from her background, she has become one of the head gardeners as an adult, and her favorite topic in the world is plant genetics, hybridization, and the minutia of growing conditions and micro-climates. Also has an ongoing project of selecting the monastery's cats for intense vocalizations, much to some of the other inhabitant’s chagrin (they can’t talk… yet.)

Zatavia “Tav” Felix (45, F, Tiefling) – Chronically cranky with a fierce sense of loyalty and a good punch. Entered monastic training at the age of 12 as a way to cope with terrible internal anger (and also not having her emotional needs met.) Grew up into a wandering monk then turned adventurer. Now the hero of Baulder’s gate or something – off having adventures in Avernus or wherever with her partner.

“Grembo” (45, M, Malkin) – Tav’s “biological identical twin brother” (ongoing joke), more outgoing and a bit lighter-hearted than her, but the two of them have a similar sort of approach and vibe. They do behave much like siblings – the only person who can kill the other one is them. He is the main material component in Tav’s spell “fuck your life, bing-bong” (Material – Grembo, Verbal – “fuck your life, bing-bong”, Somatic – Throw Grembo at it.) Grembo is also a combat-oriented monk, he left the monastery earlier than Tav, and has been off on his own adventures.

Helena Oorstag (43, F, Human) – Fearless, outgoing child, not a fighter or angry like Tav, but always amenable to be the first to poke something, touch something, or go somewhere unseen. Desperate to be important and to prove ‘worth.’ Orphan adopted by the monastery at a young enough age (three or four) that she doesn't remember anything much else. In some ways it doesn't entirely suit her, but she doubled down and studied to become a cleric because she thought that would make her ‘best.’ Became much more reserved and stalwart as an adult, after a short-lived adventuring career as a cleric that nearly killed her – slowly and unpleasantly. Works as a potter these days and has a family in the lower city, just enjoys making things with her hands. Her friends say she’s all very different than when she was a kid, but they still love her anyway.

Cian Cian* (41, M, Half-Orc) – Clever but blunt, former street urchin who tried to pickpocket the head abbot, somehow got talked into joining the order (he’s not quite sure how it happened, honestly). Combat-trained monk like Tav and Grembo, but chose not to wander, instead serving to guard the monastery itself (Baulder’s Gate is an interesting city, and all of the large temples and monasteries know to have appropriate force to maintain their standing.) Slow to warm to the others, but he, Grembo, and Tav were sparring with each other from early on and took a liking to each other’s own gruff composure. Still mad Tav grew up taller than him (they were about the same size when they met – he was a big kid and still is a big guy.) *Didn’t know what to put down as his last name so just wrote his name twice.

Posin “Po” Tailclap (40, M, Dragonborn) – Just a little guy, youngest of the group, bright and curious and full of hell, orphan left in the monastery's care as an infant, grew up into a loyal paladin of Helm. Really good at getting into places he shouldn’t be – even in plate armor these days. Curious, bright, bug-eating menace to society. Has a tendency even as an adult to bully people into doing the right thing by being too cheerful and sweet to say ‘no’ to. Idolizes Dumah, as well as Tav, Grembo and Cian to a degree, and all of them lack a bit of humility, so they just run with it and let him do what he wants. (Trans man.) Knows Karlach from having done various volunteer and charity work in the lower city.

#Tav #Zatavia #Art #Personal #Sketch #BG3 #baulders gate 3

16 notes · View notes

tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 year

Text

Royalism is one of the very few beliefs that I don’t understand at all. I can understand the thinking behind a lot of beliefs, even ones I disagree with, even ones I find reprehensible. Anti-abortion? They truly believe that clump of cells is alive and killing it is murder. Islamophobic? They believe Muslims are violent and/or misogynist and people need to be protected from that. Anti-immigration? They believe there are too few resources in the country, and the people who live there will have less if they have to share. Sexism? They believe the biological and/or social differences between men and women determine what kind of people they are, some of the things they determine are better than others, and people deserve to be treated accordingly. Homophobic? They really do believe that gay relationships are harmful to society. Religious? They’re looking for a way to understand and find comfort in the existential void that plagues us all, who can begrudge them that? People who believe there should be no taxes truly believe that this would incentivize people to work harder and create more jobs and then society would prosper. People who want to get rid of regulations in various industries believe that the money saved from not having health and safety standards would translate to more jobs, better pay, and a better life for employees. I think those people are wrong, and I think people who believe many other things are wrong, but if I try, I can see why someone would think that way.

I don’t get being a royalist, though. There’s no way of looking at the monarchy where it makes sense to believe people are better off on a practical level because they exist. So veneration of the monarchy is about something intangible, like a religion. At least believing in an actual religion means putting faith into something unseen, that could be special and supernatural and unfathomable. But I don’t get walking around in 2023 and putting that kind of religious-type faith into people who are demonstrably just humans.

Obviously the foundational beliefs underpinning royalism are similar to the ones underpinning religious devotion; the whole monarchy is based on the divine right of kings. Most royalists in 2023 would not use the phrase “divine right of kings” to explain their beliefs, but that’s still what it is, it has to be. If you believe the royal family has any right to rule, you have to believe their right comes from that particular bloodline having some natural superiority over everyone else’s. Which is, you know, horrifying for a large number or reasons and the foundational belief that’s caused some of the worst things in history. But if you don’t believe in that bloodline’s inherent superiority, you can’t believe that anyone should get special privileges just for being born into it.

And I know some people do genuinely and unapologetically believe that some bloodlines are inherently superior to others. In 2023, you will find some people who openly declare themselves in favour of the concept of the divine right of kings. You can find some people who will believe in any ideology, no matter how obscure or archaic. Some people in 2023 still worship Odin.

What I don’t understand are all the basically “regular” people, who would not say they’re in favour of fringe belief systems, who still think the royal family are pretty cool. So maybe I do understand royalism as a concept, I just don’t understand how it can be mainstream. How people who would not claim to subscribe to the concept of certain bloodlines being superior, who do not hold devoutly religious beliefs that could justify the ideology, are still fine with putting one family in charge just because they’re related to some people who committed atrocities in the distant and relatively recent past. I don’t understand otherwise rational people who still held unironic coronation parties this weekend (I would argue that even sort of vaguely ironic coronation parties are not great, because seeing the monarchy as an amusing curiosity misses the Disney villain-style horror of basically worshipping eugenics and wealth disparity, but people can do what they like). There’s so much cognitive dissonance going on, like that one belief can be disconnected from the rest of someone’s belief system.

I can understand wanting to keep the monarchy for pragmatic reasons. Every once in a while, the debate comes back up in CBC news about how Canada is still in the Commonwealth, and the Queen of England – now King of England, I guess – is still officially our Head of State. Sometimes something will happen in our federal politics that, due to a weird technicality, requires the queen (now king) to be informed, and that’s just vaguely embarrassing. This is always followed by discussions in the news about how that might be fucking stupid and maybe we should change it.

They’re always polling the public to see if they believe Canada should still be nominally ruled by the British monarchy, to which my personal answer is that I don’t even think Britain should be ruled by the British monarchy, so Canada definitely shouldn’t. However, the monarchy’s role in Canadian politics is almost entirely theoretical and ceremonial, and getting rid of it would require fundamental changes to our constitution, which would be a lengthy and expensive process. It would cost a lot of taxpayer money for relatively little practical impact, and I understand the view that it’s not worth doing that when our government’s resources and efforts are better concentrated elsewhere.

There are so many logistical issues with getting the monarchy out of Canada, and of course it would be much, much more difficult and complicated to scrap it in Britain (though that would solve our problem, because if Britain did the work of abolishing the monarchy altogether, then Canada wouldn’t be stuck with it anymore either). I understand people who don’t think it’s worth going through that process, so we may as well keep it.

But I don’t understand people who actively think the monarchy is a good thing, who have a positive emotional attachment to it. People who see it half as a religion and half as a soap opera. If you want that so much, you can just go watch an actual soap opera, that doesn’t drain taxpayer resources or suspend any protesters’ right to free speech. Or for that matter, be honest about the magical thinking involved in this and join an actual religion.

I feel like belief in the monarchy should be a weird fringe thing, like every once in a while you’d come across someone with this archaic view and say “Wow, it takes all sorts.” It just doesn’t seem ideal for believing in one bloodline’s inherent superiority to be an acceptable mainstream view, to the point where we need a special term like “republican” to describe people who disagree.

Anyway, I have to admit I did make a rare-ish visit to Twitter today, to see entertaining people talk shit about the soap opera/religion, so here, have some Bugle Tweets from this weekend:

21 notes · View notes

rhysdasior · 6 months

Text

closed starter for @witchysethharper.

Given everything that had occurred over the past few days, the last place Rhys wished to be was anywhere containing other people. He’d been comfortable enough locked away in the safety of his office, avoiding any and all socialisation unless workplace requirements demanded it. For a while, it had been easy enough to distract himself with the last few pages of paperwork that needed tending to – followed by a brief flick through the pile of books on his bedside table he’d been meaning to read for months but had found himself too distracted by Roland’s near-constant presence to properly devote any time to – before the guilt and concern grew too large to ignore. He’d been lazy in patching things up with Seth after the events at Cannabites, too proud to be the first one to admit concession and too distracted by Roland’s incredibly sudden and jarring departure from his daily life seemingly overnight. It seemed as if that evening had brought with it a whole host of complications that Rhys really should have envisioned a whole lot sooner. Then again, perhaps this is what he got for neglecting his divination and intuition in favour of pursuing and maintaining emotional connections.

With the festivities in full swing downtown, Rhys knew exactly where he’d find the younger witch and despite his reservations, he pushed his pride aside to make the first step towards putting at least one thing right. Even if he was still unimpressed with how Shade and Seth had handled their side of things, Seth was still someone Rhys considered close enough to practically be family at this point and it seemed childish to throw away that kind of bond when it ran as deep as it did, not to mention the fact that they still had to work together – there was no point in making the workplace environment any more insufferable than it already was on a regular day simply due to working where they did. For a split second, the thought of handing in his notice with immediate effect and returning to London to spend the rest of his days in quiet misery seemed far more appealing than being the bigger person, but if he didn’t fix this now, he likely never would and Seth deserved an attempt at repairing their relationship at the very least. Rhys made no attempt to get in the spirit of things – participating in anything Halloween-related had never once appealed to him, not even as a child – simply choosing to head downtown in his usual finery, following the chord of the younger witch’s inherent magic that always allowed him to keep a vague idea of Seth’s whereabouts even from afar. The club he arrived at was Rhys’ worst nightmare in multiple ways, not just because of its owner and the witch’s soured feelings towards him, but also due to the impact of the jarring sensory overload and the very real threat of Roland’s presence also featuring. If he could get this over and done within a handful of minutes, Rhys would consider it a job well done and he could retire back to the comfort of entirely self-imposed isolation.

Pushing through the crowd with just a little excessive force that was partially a byproduct of his rising discomfort at having to be in such an environment in the first place, it didn’t take long for Rhys to spot his fellow magic consultant and he raised his voice just enough to be heard over the music. “Seth– look, I’m not here to argue. I just– I need to talk to you. Outside. Five minutes, no more. Don’t wanna keep you from…” he gestured vaguely at their surroundings. “…this.”

#int -> seth.#krovs halloween 2023 #( i hope this is okay! lemme know if you'd like anything changed <3 )#( there's no need to match length at ALL. i got carried away as per usual. oopsie )#( please excuse the fact that this blows + there's no gif. my brain is in zzz mode. i promise my reply won't be quite as shit as this LMAO

9 notes · View notes

knightofhylia · 1 year

Text

Ouija Board Guide

I am so tired of people shitting their pants over Ouija boards. I went from using them every day, to hating them, to seeing them as every other divination tool I use. I will take your hand and guide you through every step so that people can stop being so terrified of a terrific spiritual tool.

They are not inherently evil. Just like tarot or runes, it’s just a form of communication.

Not everything on the other side is an evil demon out to get you. It’s like going out at night. You could be standing next to a serial killer or just some stoner kid. Just have spiritual pepper spray.

Is this going to curse my bloodline and ruin my crops? Probably not.

Picking a Board

There are soooo many options for this. Boards don’t have to be fancy, they just have to be usable. Here’s what I take into consideration when picking my boards.

Shape. Boards usually come in rectangle or circle shape with some variations. I’ve mostly used rectangles but this is more of an aesthetic choice.

Material. I’ve made boards out of paper plates and dixie cups and it still worked. I also have a fancy laser cut $100 one. You can make these bitches out of anything. I like wood because it’s sturdy. Cardboard works too. As long as it holds as you move the planchette around and you don’t get stuck on bumps it’s all good.

!!HOT TIP!! If your board is wobbly or sliding, you can either put furniture floor pads on the corners or dab a little hot glue or wax on the underside to keep it still and steady.

Size. I think about where I’m going to be using the board. Am I looking for something that is going to be mostly at home? Or do I need something to take with me? Where the fuck am I going to put it? How much arm work is it going to be getting around? How many people do I intend to have with me?

Planchette. Get something that’s comfortable. Using the board is not the most physically pleasant experience especially with long sessions so get something you can hold onto for a while if you need to. If you intend on doing this with a lot of people, get a big one so everyone has a space.

!!HOT TIP!! Put felt on the underside of your planchette so it glides smooth and doesn’t scratch the surface!

Can I read it? Are the letters legible enough for me to see in weird lighting or positions? Are the replies positioned clear enough away from each other? If you are making your own, it’s better to have it more spaced out so you can tell clearly which letter it is.

The Spiritual Talk

Look kid. I’m going to sit in this backwards chair and give you some advice. I was really dumb about my ouija board use and boy howdy it was not fun. BUT. I didn't die and I didn't curse my bloodline. Everyone is always so afraid to even touch the planchette but it just has a bad reputation. It’s a powerful tool that can be used really well or REALLY NOT. Unfortunately, the board has gotten a bad rap over the years as most of the people using it changed from cocaine-for-your-cough mediums in the 1800s to kids and teens trying to scare each other. Even if you aren’t a witch or magic user and just want to fuck around with it there is one thing I can’t recommend enough. Salt! I did experiments as a kid where I would be using the board and have a friend put salt around it and note the change in energy. It slows down so much, so it’s good to have around if you need something gone fast. This can also be in the form of a saltwater spray so it can be made with moon water or sun water. If you do use magic, casting a circle is highly recommended. This will grant you a little safety bubble! An easy way to do this is to put down a circle of eggshells or crystals like smokey quartz, citrine, and tigers eye.

That being said, the chance of you attracting a 'demon' or some kind of negative entity is pretty low with the right prep work and knowledge. Most of the things that people see as 'demonic activity' is literally just the spirit trying to communicate. You are more likely to contact a spirit that doesn't want to be bothered or a land spirit that's still pretty pissed about the colonization stuff.

Prep

It is highly worth the time to sit down and make a plan for what you are going to do with the board. Think about who you are going to contact and what questions you might be asking. Having them prewritten helps things go smoothly and makes it easier to write down the letters when the time comes. If you are trying to contact a specific spirit such as an ancestor I would suggest coming up with some form of code or sign from them. This could be a code word on the board or a certain song or sound like a bell chime or dog bark. If you are comfortable with possibly being touched by a spirit, ask your spirit to tap on your shoulder twice or knock on a wall. A lot of this relies on intuition, so if you aren't particularly intuitive I would bring someone along. Power is in numbers when it comes to ouija board but if you don't have friends willing to use it you are not alone. I'm not going to tell you to call upon a deity or angel if you haven't worked with them before, but if you do have a rapport you can call upon them to help you connect. If you don't have anyone on spiritual speed dial, you can call upon ancestors or your personal guide to help. Generally if I want a spirit to help me I try to phrase things like 'I call a capable spirit of good intentions to aid me in connecting me with xyz' this way you get someone who can a.) do the job (capable) b.) not attract some random spirit (good intentions) and c.) you are asking for assistance not a favour, less likely to have magickal backlash.

I find it's essential to have a candle with a board session for multiple reasons. Candles are a great sources of quick and pure energy to help make the board session as smooth and as little draining on you as possible. If you can't have candles, battery powered ones work as well. You won't be getting as much reaction, but they still serve as a light/power source. Candles are also great in communication! I look to the flame for clues in it's movement (swaying, flickering, growing, shrinking) and if it pops and cracks. For instance, I had mixed two spirits up, confusing the incarnations for each other and was doing some more research so I lit a candle for guidance. I kept referring to her as Elias when in fact that was her reincarnation. When trying to find her name, I got the idea of 'Elisa' and started looking into different forms of the names and as soon as I clicked on 'Elisabetta' the candle crackled very loud! I mostly take the crackles into context, it's hard to say when it's a yes or no. Crystals are also really good for boosted energy when using the board. I have a Satin Spar tower than I call 'the spiritual wifi' that I hold onto when I do board sessions and it helps a LOT.

Keep your first session short, especially if you are doing it alone. My first sessions with a spirit I usually ask basics like what they want to be called, some indication of pronouns/gender, and honestly that's about as far as I get sometimes. If I'm lucky I might get an age or a few words. Although it might be tempting to do everything in one sessions, that is usually where the trouble starts to come in as you get tired and lose focus.

"Rules"

Everyone seems to have their own rules for the board. Personally, I think most of them are bullshit. I'll go over a couple of the more popular ones and give a little from my experience.

1. Never use the board alone!

Bullshit. I do it all the time. It's just very draining and the answers are unclear. I guess you're technically susceptible to malevolent spirits because of the drain, but you're always going to be vulnerable when you're tired.

2. If the planchette leaves the board, or your hand leaves the planchette, you are releasing the demon!

Bullshit. While I HIGHLY RECOMMEND keeping contact with the planchette on the board board at all time, I have moved my hands off multiple times and never had any spirit set loose in my house to curse my family or whatever. It's more a strain on the quality of the connection than anything. It's hard to understand what someone is saying on the phone if they hang up and call again after every word!

3. Do not use it in your home!

Bullshit. I highly recommend having a separate space you go to do any spirit workings, but you aren't going to curse your house for using an ouija board. Just remember to prep and cleanse your space.

4. Do not use it in a graveyard!

Not totally bullshit! Graveyards are very spiritually dense places, so it may be hard to get a clear message, like trying to do a phone call in a mall. But I also think it is a great way to contact ancestors who are buried there! I think it's rude to bother spirits that aren't part of your lineage at a graveyard (unless they reach out), so be mindful and keep with usual graveyard etiquette. Also, in most states, it's illegal to be in a graveyard after dark anyway.

5. Always end your session with goodbye!

Not bullshit! It's just polite.

6. If the planchette goes over the alphabet and numbers in order, it's a malevolent spirit trying to take over!

SO BULLSHIT. Trust me, they are just trying to get a hang of using the board! Remember, it's probably been a while since they've had to READ. Give them time to get acquainted with the English Alphabet.

7. If the planchette is going in a figure 8 form it's an evil spirit!

More bullshit. I've had spirits that just like to move the planchette around or spin it in circles. More likely they don't understand the question or need time to answer.

8. Don't ask the board about your death!

Not entirely bullshit! Not because it's going to make it come sooner, but honestly, most of them aren't going to give that information out for free, and chances are they don't know. Things change too much for one ouija board session to determine your death.

9. Never use the board if you have mental illnesses!

Not entirely bullshit! The better mental state you are in, the better your session will be. If you are depressed the energy is going to be off. Answers may get skewed. Negative energy will attract more negative energy. However, as someone with many mental illnesses, you aren't banned from ever using the board. Just don't use the board during a major episode!

10. Never burn the board!

I mean... I GUESS. If you are trying to get rid of a spirit, just burning the board isn't going to do shit. The board is a tool and MOST times one spirit doesn't possess the whole board (despite what scary movies say). Usually it's not the boards fault either :(. Don't break the phone because you don't like the text you got!

How it works?

My favourite argument about Ouija boards is that 'even if you aren't aware of it, your subconscious is moving your hand so it's fake'. Yeah, my guy, I know. I know I am moving the planchette. SOMEONE HAS TO.

People seem to assume that the ghost is supposed to move the planchette and you just hold on, but that's a serious waste of energy when there is a perfectly good flesh vessel RIGHT THERE. In my experience, there are a few different way spirits use the board:

1. They physically move your hand/arm. This is pretty typical of my clown dolls, especially Hal. I can usually feel their hand on mine, either directly on top or interlocking fingers. They also move my arm sometimes.

2. They channel through you. This is pretty typical of spirit guides and deities. I keep my arm loose and it just goes where it goes. I don't think about the direction, I just follow my instincts. Sometimes I will feel pressure or a pull on one side of my hand, so I move it over there. Sometimes it's just SUPER hard to move the planchette a certain way. It's kind of like those games where one of you is blindfolded and you have to guide the other person through a room with just directions.

If you want to practice the feeling with no spiritual attachment, literally just hold a heavy cup or bottle. See how your arm naturally moves!

My Method and Tips

I am very particular about my set up for a board session but this is how I get the best results.

1. Have the board UNDER YOU. Usually, I sit on the floor with the board in front of me. I lean slightly forward over the board and keep my arm loose. If you are doing this with multiple people, only ONE of you needs to be leaning over it. Everyone else is for support. If you are worried about other people influencing your results, instead of having them touch the planchette, have them touch your back, shoulder, or leg.

2. If you are worried about influencing answers with your thoughts, repeat the question in your head. If a word DOES pop into your head, don't dismiss it right away. A lot of times I will get the answer in my head before it is spelled out, this is a part of clairaudience/claircognizant. It's always good to confirm with the board.

3. Start off with some yes or no questions to warm up. "Do you want to talk" is a good starter!

4. Don't be afraid to customize the board! I used a label maker to add a spot for spirits to tell me when they are too tired to continue. Once you interact with a few spirits you see they use some of the same words. They also use symbols on the board as well. I have eyes on my board and a lot of time they will go over to the eyes instead of spelling "Look". Stickers can work as well!

5. Be lenient on spelling and phrases. Chances are they aren't from the same area as you, or speak the same language, so things might get a little confusing along the way. Ask for confirmation on names and dates after they are done spelling "Is Bob the name you spelled?"

How to know when things are going bad?

Most people seem to confuse 'aggressive' reactions to 'malevolent' intentions. Banging, knocking, doors slamming, and hearing voices are all just ways spirits communicate. Even if the door slams or something breaks, that isn't an immediate DEMON alarm.

Some warning signs:

Vibe change. The feeling when someone you don't like walks in a room. The feeling when you're teacher is about to yell at you. The feeling when someone has been behind you for a little TOO long on your walk home. Gut feelings will tell you a lot. You may get overwhelmed by feelings, but I'm talking about THIS IS BAD NEWS. Feelings of dread or intense fear. A little apprehension and fear is normal, some spirits just have that presence, but if you're too overwhelmed, pack it up. If your energy suddenly drops, then it's. a good idea to close up.

Candle goes out. You aren't going to die, but that's probably a good sign to close up. Whatever is done is done.

Animals start acting uncomfortable. Most animals are sensitive to spirits, but if they seem unusually tense or anxious, it might be a good idea to be careful. Whatever the energy is, it is probably intense or very foreign to this plane.

It violates a boundary. I have strict 'No breaking glass' rules with my spirits because the sound is very triggering to me. If something glass breaks during a session then I close it. If the spirit touches you and it makes you uncomfortable then it's time to be over. Think of boundaries you would have with a stranger. This can also manifest as spirits bringing up triggering emotions, flashbacks, or memories.

It keeps trying to leave the board with the planchette. Rude and not part of the deal. YOU drive the planchette here.

Ending a session for whatever reason:

Say goodbye. Thank the spirit for its time and energy. End the session by dragging the planchette across the goodbye.

Cleanse your space. Incense, salt spray, sound, or crystals work. Cleanse the board as well to clear the energy out. (Make sure the smoke goes out the window!)

Ground yourself. Eat something, drink something, move your body a little bit. Take a nap if you are drained.

Store the planchette and the board so they are not touching each other! Keeps the portal closed and also makes sure your board doesn't get scratched up.

Again, as always, let me know if you have any questions or comments! I would be very interested in hearing others' tips for using the ouija board!

#ouija board #spirit board #divination #witchcraft #magic #spirituality #paganisn #halloween #spooky #paranormal #ghost investigation #ghost hunting #ghosts #ouija #hyah!#I HOPE ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE #bokh dva'

85 notes · View notes

sylvctica · 2 years

Text

HEADCANON // EMOTIONS & TRAUMA

Sylvie is ... a weird case when it comes to emotions; they are a very emotive person and clearly experience them in all ranges, but this is only due to many, many years of observing humans and living among them as one later down the line, as well as just coming to terms that they can experience emotions freely and without restraint.

From their very ‘birth’ and gradual understanding, the role they have taken on ( as a worshipped god ) is one that must be forfeit of selfishness, negative emotions, and must be seen as a strong, infallible figure. Of course, it definitely took a few blunders to get to that point—and hearing stories of the many other gods in Teyvat at the time, including which were seen as disliked, as dangerous, and who were beloved and why. They strived and desired to be one of those seen as beloved and trusting, and truthfully they did and still do love the people that were under their protection.

Positive emotions they embodied from pretty early on, finding that although there will always be an inherent gap between the mortal and divine, people were comfortable around them when they showed things like amusement, joy, happiness, and even cheekiness—to the point where the village children played with them. Although they were consulted for anything that could not be resolved among the people, they were seen more as a guardian figure of the people that loved the people too and guided them in listening to them and offering sagely advice ( the best they could anyway ).

Negative emotions were bottled, often resulting in small moments of isolation deep within the jungle forests before they returned to lingering around among people. The most they indulged in was selfishness in travelling out of old Sumeru and around Teyvat during the slow months of harvest, allowing them to experience a bit of freedom and not being held to the standards of a god.

Their true worst moments reared their head with the arrival of the Archon War, where everyone was fearful, scared, angry—living in constant anxiety from the dangers and death lurking around. In a moment of wishing to find safety for their people, they departed to find gods they could call friends in hopes they could offer a sanctuary, eventually coming to the old area of Mondstadt—and getting struck down.

Their death ( the fear and anger ) and awakening with finding most of their friends dead and history wiped has left an adverse effect on them, shaking their very core and foundation of self to the point they went on a complete journey of self-discovery and dropped their true name to take up a new one.

During this time, they allowed themselves to connect to their own desires and feelings, and to foster a deeper connection between self and humanity in both research and directly integrating themselves among them and living as one—continuing this for well over a thousand years and into the present ( there have been instances of them struggling between differentiating what is a front and what is their true self, but their worries over this have been settled as of now ).

As of now, they do not feel any qualms in expressing their emotions ( and quite enjoy doing it and being vocal about their feelings ), but true negative emotions are harder to come by just due to how they’ve mentally trained themselves ... their age has also tempered their personality and made them clear-headed around most situations, so it’s rare to see them freeze up. When they do happen, it often just culminates in them isolating in their teapot until they wash over, which often doesn’t take longer than a few days at most.

Due to this and their past, they are also a bit blind to their own shortcomings and aren’t the best at introspection, usually requiring a second person and viewpoint to help detangle their own issues and preferring to look at them through a more neutral, detached view—not wishing to revisit what they felt in those moments lest it catches up to them again.

During their time as Sylvie, they have worked through some of their feelings around what happened, but not everything as along with their past self, they’ve also shelved past events as they prefer to live in the present.

The things they have processed include:

Their own death and the anger and fear surrounding it

Their anger in feeling like no one cared for their death and disappearance ( which they’ve come to terms with as they know people did look for them )

Their capability of feeling things like romantic love ( which scared them )

Their grief in the loss of friends ( partially, it still weighs them down a bit )

The things they haven’t processed include:

Some identity issues regarding their godhood ( as there is a divide between Foras and Sylvie, even though they still see Foras as themselves )

Their inherent guilt over feeling like they’ve left behind their people and failed them

Subconscious fear in being seen again as a god ( unknown to them, but it will make them extremely uncomfortable )

Inherently thinking that they will not be remembered by people ( which is false, and they’re still coming to terms with knowing people will remember them and that they do leave marks behind )

Some additional reads about the aftereffects of the archon war on their personality can be found here and here, though some do not apply anymore.

#[ :eww: emoji this is so long LMAO ]#[ its hard to rlly summarize it ]#[ cause sylvie has some layers when it comes to emotions ]#[ and how they present them to ppl ]#[ tl;dr being made to be in a god role fucked up their emotional processing ]#[ to a degree anyway ]#[ cause they treat things like their death and the war with like ]#[ a very casual air like they got a papercut ]#[ they dont mean to its just ]#[ a natural detachment for their own mental sake ]#SYLVIE // TRIVIA.#long post /#ask to tag /

4 notes · View notes

baloolahbear · 1 month

Text

The great darkness

To be honest with you, I have been through the greatest darkness of my conscious existence. It felt like all the light in my periphery ceased to exist and I became wild. It felt like everyone left at the same time, my ex boyfriend, my mum travelling through Asia, even my sister who became a child unable to look after herself. And there was not an ounce of love left to sustain myself. I felt my bones almost creak as I moved and existed, my core a long flame burning up my life source. The numbers dropping rapidly on the weighing scale as I let 2 weeks slip away like another hour of the day. I was certain life became an unpleasant stimulation. My fingers and toes ice cold as my heart pounded at the thought of using the extortionate heating. Unsolicited fears pulsed through my blood as my muscles felt like they were solidifying into my bed. My mum telling me from sunny Asia that I was not cold, was full of anger and possessed pessimistic traits like my father. Even in my torturous but lethargic slumber I felt a deep rage shudder through my existence and all that came out was a heavy tear. It’s something which catches you by surprise being suddenly unable to taste, relish the addicting quality of music or experience life in all its fullness. The world becomes a dull blurry grey with no feeling. They say that humans are the only species which are inherently cruel and I can testify to this. I looked in my reflection and saw someone who starved themselves of everything, of sustenance, of joy, of security. I truly believed I went insane but what mainly catalysed this was my unwavering hope. Hope that someone would come for me and take me out of this hell, wrap me in warmth and sunlight, kiss the small of my back where my despair lived and allowed me to rest my forehead in the crook of their neck. I did not expect to find home and safety in someone else but in my darkest hour I had a raw desire. Can you blame me? All humans need love, to feel loved and to freely give it. But love looks a lot different in someone like me. Love is adopting a good mood when someone does something pleasing and being cold when it’s the opposite. It is fluctuating and unpredictability. It is full of constant goodbyes and awkward hugs, full of things which are deemed appropriate to say. It is inauthenticity and playing roles to fit people’s preferences. It is a 6 year old girl locked in her room dampening an open bible with her tears, her only company. It is claiming that being told the truth is a virtue when all it did was tear down self-confidence and start an impossible war with divine perfection. Love is dangerous. Love is delusion. Love is war. It is a sharp blade with numerous dimensions tearing worlds apart and forming new bonds. One positive for a negative. Is it real or a projection of our relationship with ourselves. Charlie from Perks of being a wallflower once said that we accept the love we think we deserve. I think about this often and wonder if it’s applicable. But I believe I deserve to be loved, properly and fully with no crumbs left. I imagine it’ll feel like golden honey flowing through the valley or the radiance of the sun comforting and constant throughout the day but what do I know? I’m not going to be one of those self-righteous people who thinks everything works out however I do believe that in order to fully appreciate the brightest light you need to experience the darkest nights.

#love #Depression

1 note · View note

soulhealingpractice · 2 years

Text

Benefits of Reiki Training

The system of Reiki – Traditional Japanese Reiki –

Uses universal life force energy as a healing modality. By transferring and manipulating the flow of one’s inherent energy to the body of another, this energy can be used to heal, either directly, or by putting the subject receiving the work into a state of deep relaxation and safety, that their body is able to heal itself!

The healing touch of a high experienced Reiki practitioner is said to exude warmth, comfort, and even a tingling sensation within the body.

Here are same benefits, when you receive training by an experienced Reiki Teacher

1. Attunement process with the universe

2. Connection to your spirituality

3. Deep relaxation

4. Health benefits of the body

5. Direction for your life

6. Giving back

7. Perspective

8. Emotional healing

9. Self-development

10. The art of inviting happiness

Attunement process with the universe

Reiki connects you to universal energy, thereby allowing you access to healing for yourself whenever you might need it. Plus, being plugged into the universe means you can balance your body, mind and spirit by spending some time each day devoted to self-healing.

Connection to your spirituality

Reiki brings you closer to your Higher Self, which is an essential part of anyone’s spirituality. The perks of being more in tune with your higher Self, include being more intuitive, helping you make better decisions and giving an overall feeling of wholeness as if a missing piece of your life’s puzzle has fallen into place.

Deep relaxation

Happier people live longer. It’s a fact. Lowering the stress in your life is essential to keeping illness and ailments at bay from your body. Reiki is an excellent tool for keeping your heart and mind calm and connected to an inner peace that be an asset in trouble times. You will gain a sense of real self-purpose and inner clarity that may have eluded you previously.

Health benefits of the body

We put natural wear and tear on our bodies on a daily basis, whether through exercise or simply walking around the office. Between that and the toxins in our environment, our bodies are in desperate need of healing. Self-healing on a physical level helps prevent sickness, whether its one you’ve already had or one that you may have and aids our injuries in healing fully. There is a plethora of ailments that Reiki helps soothe, from mild back pain to even cancer, according to Reiki experts.

Direction for your life

Once again, you are plugged into the universe through the practice of Reiki. Therefore, you will be much closer finding your true purpose and calling though learning Reiki, as you become connected with the divine in your life. Let your mind be opened up through practising Reiki, thus freeing up yourself and your spirit.

Giving back

Ever felt helping people, but you were totally unsure of how to go about this? Reiki extends to more than yourself in its healing. This is a gift that many would count as invaluable in their lives. Imagine helping people be free of injuries that have plagued them for years or giving them, a sense of inner peace! Giving back like this is truly its own reward.

Perspective

Reiki has the potential to turn your whole life around for the better if you Self-Reiki every day and listen to your intuition. Life becomes a whole lot more clear, and you begin to understand what’s actually important in your life, and what is excess and unnecessary. Even things in your life like your relationships come into focus. Who is actually your friend? Who is just there for an easy ride? You’ll find out quickly when you start trying something “weird” like Reiki!

Emotional healing

We all carry some kind of emotional trauma in our lives. No one’s life has been perfect. While we all accept that, we don’t all realise that we also carry energy from these negative experiences. This trauma may be affecting us entirely, in our bodies, our hearts and our spiritualities. Reiki can free us by helping us release the energy attached to the hardships of our past. One this has been achieved, you are finally free to be yourself.

Self-development

Reiki can change the way you deal with life and people in a way that is much healthier for you. It might not happen in a conscious manner, but it’ll quickly become apparent that when someone tries to take advantage of you. For example, you will push back, defend yourself, and demand more respect. Reiki helps you love yourself so that you can learn to love others and ask others to love you, as well.

The art of inviting happiness

The founder of reiki, Mikao Usui, described Reiki as the “art of inviting happiness” does not that sound like something everyone could use in their lives? Often, people do not know what happiness actually is, and seek material gains or the next promotion. But having a really, truly happy life goes far beyond that. Happiness comes from a profound understanding of the universe and knowing your place there, which is exactly what Reiki sets out to do.

Is it hard to learn reiki?

Just like anything new, learning a new modality or method of healing takes time and effort to study and learn the ins and outs of the philosophy. Luckily with Reiki, there are no special abilities needed as a prerequisite to learning the practice, the ability to use your energy for healing is latent in us all.

In general, it’s relatively easy to learn the basics of Reiki, though continuing on a more involved path can require more effort and commitment especially if one wants to learn traditional Japanese Reiki.

How do you learn Reiki healing?

Carla is a reiki teacher based in Australia, Melbourne. She is a qualified Reiki teacher and more importantly she is certified in the practice.

Learn more about Carla Andrea De Grandi teachings by clicking here.

UPCOMING COURSES:

OKUDEN REIKI - level 2 | 22 and 23 of October - Yes! there is still time if you would like to join in!

SHODEN REIKI - level 1 | 12 and 13 of November - Our last course of 2022!

#what is Reiki #energy healing #reiki teacher #reiki practitioner

1 note · View note

isolatedbubble · 3 years

Text

Romance in MXTX, Priest, and SHL

MXTX: Flower, Wine and Dreamworld

The romance in MXTX's works is like flower that grows in ice and snow; colorful, bright and hopelessly romantic, blossoms in misery and hardships.

It features a distinct "us against the world" mindset, depicting love as the only constant in the world. It's an eternal "dreamworld" detached from worldly matters, the perfect escapism as well as a source of strengths in the face of cruel reality.

Both MDZS and TGCF are a critique of mob mentality.

The contrast between CQL and MDZS is very interesting. While the former ends with LWJ taking charge, and therefore changing the world for the better, the novel ends with wangxian isolating themselves from grand politics and focusing more on helping individuals as recluse. It has an essentially pessimistic attitude towards the morality & intelligence of the collective.

TGCF takes a slightly more optimistic approach, featuring the crowd being courageous under the right circumstances. However, both works share a similar undertone: putting one’s absolute faith in the collective is dangerous, whereas unconditional trust and devotion can be only found in one-to-one connection

MXTX herself compares MDZS and TGCF to 花间一壶酒 (A cup of wine among flowers), MDZS being the wine and TGCF being flower. She also compares MDZS to 风雪夜归人, the person returning home from snow and wind, and TGCF to 红泥小火炉, a small red furnace.

Priest: Breezing Wind and Burning Iron

The romance in priest's works is more complicated. It's the most gentle in its normal state, when it is rational and collected, in which case it's like the breezing wind, soothing, sweet and light-hearted. It gives the individuals more incentive to achieve their individual and/or societal vision, as well as more reason to value their own lives & well-being.

In Faraway Wanderers, the most distinct feature of WenZhou relationship is how in naturally sync they are, and how comfortable & smooth their dynamic is. They both have past burden, but it doesn’t matter, because they bring simple joy, understanding and happiness in each other’s lives.

In Sha Po Lang and The Guardian, the ML’s lingering love for the MC motivates them to become better version of themselves, to care about others, and to form a holistic vision about bettering society.

In The Defective, Lin Jingheng(MC) explicitly said that Lu Bixing(ML) is the only meaning in his life. He had little incentive to care about his own life after his revenge plan fell apart. LBX helped him reconnect with his inner idealism, and gave him a reason value his life.

When the passion and fiery energy manifests itself, however, the romance is like burning iron, blood and fire. It isn’t actually toxic or unhealthy, but it's not pure and innocent either; in this case, it strives for something deeper and more intense, never content with the past or the present. The sheer intensity of relationship is like a double-edged sword, walking the fine line between unconditional devotion and dangerous obsession.

SHL: Spring Water and Healing Open Wounds

The romance in SHL is like "spring water"; it's warm, gentle, nurturing. It breaks through the boundary between individuals to bring the couple closer to each other, taking them back to a utopia of their childhood dream, away from social pressure and responsibility. The theme central to their relationship is “salvation”: how love is able to bring people back to integrity.

Both drama wkx and drama zzs have lots of regret about their past sins and wrongdoings. Four Seasons Manor is essentially a metaphor for purity, acceptance and the safety of childhood home. How to make drama wkx open up and accept this safe harbor as his home is one of the most significant plot-lines of the show.

SHL couple is way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive. A significant part of SHL arc is healing the wounds in an open and honest way. They cuddle and confide in each other way more often, talk about their shameful past and even cry about their regrets in front of one another, which is very rare among MXTX/Priest works.

The heat of the relationship sometimes gets too hot and even burns; in other words, there are constant miscommunications, conflicts and misunderstandings in the relationship. However, they can never let each other go, because it's the only source of warmth left for them in their hopeless lives filled with regrets and guilt.

Similarities and Differences

*Note that this is not a SHL/TYK comparison. TYK is kind of an “unorthodox” priest novel; you will know what I mean if you have read 3+ of her works.

Relationship Dynamic & Narrative:

In MXTX’s works, the concept of “romance” itself is divined; and the characters are illustration of the ideal of “undying love”. People are made for one another, to complete one another. Her works use colorful symbolism (silver butterflies, the emperor’s smile, the 3 thousand lanterns, etc.) to depict this romanticized ideal of love.

For MXTX, the romanticization of “destined love” is one of the most recurring themes of her novels. Therefore, the readers look at their relationship through rose-color glasses. Obsession is usually framed in a jolly & romantic light, and doesn’t feature much tension or stress, and has less negative or unhealthy undertone.

In most of priest’s works and SHL, soulmates are not born but made, so they have to figure out how their relationship works step by step. Therefore the narrative is less of a “rosy picture”.

Priest has a habit of using derogatory terms to describe relationships that are mostly healthy, but somewhat “bloody” and edgy, full of excessive passion and obsession. The most common phrase is “爱生忧怖”, a Buddhist term meaning “love results in worry and fear”.

SHL obviously has to be more subtle in expressing love. That said, drama WenZhou are way more emotionally vulnerable and expressive than their novel counterparts, as well as most Priest & MXTX characters. They have a dramatic falling out once in a while, even towards the end. They barely fit the Chinese definition of Zhiji (to know me/to understand one another), but are “lovers” who are buried deep in their passion instead.

Past, Future and Evolvement:

In SHL, characters are encouraged to treasure past impressions that are thrown in figurative “wrappings”, whose luster is derived from age-old experiences (Psychological Types, Carl Jung). In other words, they are encouraged to root their love in a shared past, a Utopia of innocence.

The contrast between The Defective and Word of Honor is very interesting to observe. Both involve long separation, and the suffering and personality changes hat comes from it. SHL narrative frames their innocent childhood as something to cling to and return to. Drama WKX is encouraged to accept his identity as Four Seasons Manor disciple because it was part of his childhood past. This is a significant part of drama WenZhou relationship.

In The Defective, the narrative doesn't encourage the couple to dwell on the past that much. On the contrary, the all-knowing AI explicitly discouraged the MC from “comparing past to present”. They are advised to accept changes, however painful it might be, and build a better, more equal dynamic out of it, evolving from one-sided pandering to fighting side-by-side.

In Priest’s novels, the characters rarely return to something in the past, but look into the future. Change is usually framed as inherently beneficial, albeit usually painful and rocky, the implication being that you need to constantly strive for something better.

Sha Po Lang is a good example of this, with Gu Yun’s changing attitude towards Chang Geng after he as he matures, gradually showing his intelligence in politics. CG starts referring to GY as Zixi instead of YiFu is also a sign of this change---to see him as equal rather than a parental figure & protector.

The Defective is even more obvious in this regard, with both parties uncomfortable with the change initially, but gradually adjusting to the changes during their 16-year separation. The ML also stops calling MC by his surname “Lin”, as a sign of viewing him as equal.

In MXTX’s works, change in personality or relationship dynamic is neither framed as painful or good. It just happens. It’s a natural flow that take place when it does. Their relationships are rarely challenged by change. They are objectively at a better place compared to their past, but it’s merely the result of a series of events rather than a deliberate choice or struggle.

WangXian’s relationship naturally changes over time after WWX’s rebirth, but neither of them really struggles with the change.

Xie Lian doesn’t even recognize Hua Cheng as the someone from his past, so they start out as friends getting to know each other.

Salvation and Changing one another:

Priest herself stated in an interview that she doesn’t believe in the concept of salvation, since people have the inner capacity to be their own savior. Therefore, priest characters usually don’t actively try to change their partner’s morals or personality. Some might be willingly influenced by their partner, but there’s rarely an element of moral condemnation. Even when there is a conflict between different values, the options are 1) to reconcile them by choosing the middle ground 2) to maintain their independence and tackle it with nuance 3) to break up.

On surface level, Mo Du/Silent Reading is about Luo Wenzhou being Fei Du’s salvation. However, as LWZ pointed out himself, Fei Du would’ve been a good person at heart with or without his influence.

In The Defective, when Lu Bixing mistakenly thought Lin Jingheng stayed in the Eighth Galaxy against his own wishes because of their relationship, and that their priorities are irreconcilable, he even thought about breaking up. Of course he was not serious about it, but this showcased that he would never try to change LJH’s convictions.

In SHL, however, the concept of salvation is central to the theme. Some find it strange that SHL make drama zzs the more “moral” one of the two, despite his action being more objectively questionable. In fact, the only reason he get framed as more “moral” is that he admitted his fault sooner, and therefore could guide drama wkx’s path back to salvation: to recognize the goodness in people, make peace with external world, to clear his name in Jianghu, and to follow due process with his revenge plan to avoid collateral damages.

“I tried to change you, but you end up changing me”, said drama ZZS. This relationship dynamic is never present in any of priest’s works I’ve read. Priest characters don’t *try* to change one another.

Does MXTX believe in salvation? Hard to tell. One could argue that Hua Cheng would have be way more amoral and even immoral if it hadn’t been for XL. This is complicated and is a topic for another time.

However, it is certain that MXTX MCs don’t condemn each other morally. “The orthodox one defending their unorthodox partner in front of the world” is a common wuxia trope, but the way MXTX novels approach it is very different from SHL.

HuaLian never had a serious falling out about being on different sides. Even when they disagree, they respect each other and love each other exactly the way they are. Hua Cheng didn’t approve of Xie Lian saving Mu Qing, but he didn’t interfere with Xie Lian’s decision. Xie Lian feels responsible for helping Shi Qingxuan in Blackwater arc, but he is perfectly fine with HC helping He Xuan keep secrets. In several cases where they have different values, they are able to make it work with ease.

LWJ never *morally* condemned WWX for his action, and never once objected to WWX practicing demonic cultivation after his rebirth. In fact, LWJ never objected to WWX’s morals; in their previous life he was worried about his safety, and struggled with what to do about certain situations due to his family background, but difference in morality is not an issue for them.

The “righteous” one does not feel the need to guide their unorthodox partner or to be their salvation with regards to integrity.

*The similarity & differences part is a bit messy and some points are not fleshed-out. Sorry about that.

**I don’t claim to have the right interpretation. The lens by which we see different styles of romance is ultimately subjective.

#mdzs #tgcf #mxtx #tian ya ke #mdzs meta #word of honor #shl #sha po lang #mo du #can ci pin

213 notes · View notes

makingspiritualityreal · 3 years

Text

Numerology Life Path 8 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series

This is a post in my new astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 8. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else.

Introduction

The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience.

A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?”

Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time.

In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number.

If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well.

Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 8 - Strength and The Star

The energies of a Life Path 8 are ruled by the solid, stable influence of Saturn. Unlike the more so difficult association with Saturn in the Life Path 4, a Life Path 8 is a positive expression of Saturn. The vibration of this Life Path Number gives a solid foundation, practical and reliable. Organised and driven, these people have an inherent purity and clarity of vision, generating in a feeling of safety coming from their own unshakeable internal structure. While the 4 vibration is more so about putting in the work in the material world and the cold, tangible results that come from it, being more scientific and material minded, due to the mix of Saturn and Rahu energies, a Life Path 8 is purely about attitude. It is not just the achievements that they have under their belt that matter, but their incredibly inspiring inner guidance system, that makes them pace themselves with perfect, mathematical harmony and approach difficult tasks in a methodical way, by tackling them in an orderly manner, step by step. In this way, these people can make life seem easy, while in fact it all lies in the power of their excellent organisation and understanding of the value of time, and how building smaller things bit by bit will ultimately result in a large-scale success.

The biggest challenge with this Life Path is the pattern of holding yourself back by withdrawing from situations that seem challenging. This can be an issue particularly early on in life, as with Saturn everything improves in time. The internal preference for order, structure and authority may turn into a fear to break out of the mould or a refusal to get outside of the comfort zone. An underdeveloped Life Path 8 feels burdened with their timid nature and lack of courage to step up in new situations. Nevertheless, this Life Path thrives on being challenged, organised, setting goals and accomplishments. If they back down and escape every time, they will never have the achievements they could have otherwise. If they set up a working system for conquering their goals, they can achieve a lot and tackle any problem that lies ahead.

The associated tarot cards tell us about how to best deal with the energies of a Life Path 8.

Strength - Nothing builds strength quite like Saturn. It forces resilience and effort, by making you endure and putting you through difficulties. By enduring many obstacles on the path to their goals and not backing down in face of adversity, this Life Path builds up the resilience, that turns them into an admirable, empowered person. By emerging from their trials victorious, they become a true authority figure and a rock for other people to seek counsel in and rely on.

The Star - With Saturn, after we burn off our Karma, we get a new beginning , a clean slate. That's Saturn's ultimate reward for enduring and doing right by the Universe - purity. A wide, empty, straight path ahead of us. However, it can also be a feeling of emptiness, a feeling of being no one and having nothing. This pertains to the intense, internal self criticism that this Life Path endures on their road to success, the negative self talk that they battle with, when they come up short in the ambitious goals they set for themselves, before they manage to accomplish them, even though others admire them for their progress so much. There is a very high level of expectations for oneself, through holding oneself to that standard of absolute purity, that they resonate with internally, and disappointment, when the physical reality doesn't quite match up that idea due to our imperfect human nature.

The Key Word for a Life Path 8 is Persistence. This Life Path's motivation and ability to stay grounded among difficult circumstances makes them inspiring through their attitude of pure integrity. There is something extremely honest and beautiful about a Life Path 8 in their element, their eyes on the prize, their heart fully immersed in the task at hand. Their focus on improving themselves is unmatched, and their ability to see harmony and infinity of the Universe itself in simple patterns of daily life is the Divine Gift they bring with themselves into this incarnation. No other Life Path number can teach us as well as an 8, that God is found everywhere, at all times, in the smallest of things.

118 notes · View notes

sepublic · 3 years

Text

Eda and Loss

Even if Young Blood, Old Souls helped remedy the pain from Agony of a Witch… It also really added to it too, in a lot of other ways! Specifically, how Eda still insists on being selfless, but is also just sort of resigned to her fate… Because so many terrible things happen to her that to Eda, she figures it must just be her inevitable fate, the way things are. That bad stuff happens to her and that’s just how it is, and all Eda can do is ensure that others like Luz or King don’t have to suffer like her…

Like, Eda barely survives petrification, and realizes she’s lost all of her magic- And her only reaction is a tired, used-to-this, acknowledgement of what happened before immediately moving on! It really saddens me how Eda is just used to this, to suffering and loss… She can’t even take the time to wallow in self-pity and misery, because she’s always got something else to deal with, or this is a step up from what she was resigned to; Even if it’s still a step down from what she once had! And obviously it’s so Eda doesn’t fall into despair, obviously she developed this coping tactic after years of bitter loneliness and ostracization after being cursed, no doubt an intense period of depression- But still.

Eda deserves to feel bad for herself, and to have people comfort her and agree on this- And now she does, she has Luz and King and even Lilith! Eda has the right to scream and vent about the injustice that she regularly goes through, I just want to see a one-shot or even a canon scene where she finally just loses it and breaks down, as it all catches up to her the realization of the unfairness of it all… I want Eda to cathartically soak in those feelings of bitterness and anger and despair, as she just lets it out and admits that she is NOT okay, that this is terrible and she doesn’t deserve this, she deserves better and yet others way worse than Eda get good things in life… And she HATES it!

Eda’s played the bigger person for so long, but you know what? She’s tired of that, what has being mature reallygotten her in the end, things just keep getting worse for her as Eda keeps losing things so what’s even the point, may as well only care about herself, HUH!? Just like Lilith…! And then Luz and King… They comfort and reassure Eda quietly, supporting her righteous anger and self-advocacy. And they tell Eda that she DID get something for all of her efforts, she got the two of them. She got the defense of all those people back in the Conformatorium, and obviously it’s not right that Eda has to actively work for that kind of dignity from others when that’s something she’s naturally due and owed as a person who never did anything wrong… But at least she has it, and Eda DID succeed in getting it. She got that for herself, Eda DOES accomplish things and she doesn’t have to worry about losing them- Luz and King aren’t going anywhere, anytime soon… They’ll always come back for her!

Maybe that played a big role in Eda’s rage when Lilith kidnapped Luz- Eda had been resigned to loss, but then she gained Luz… And when Luz was threatened, Eda decided this was the ONE thing she could not take standing, the one loss she couldn’t bear nor allow- This was the one person she’d hold onto no matter what, she doesn’t care what others say, she doesn’t care if this is the divine order of the Titan or anyone else; Especially since Luz is a PERSON, not a thing! Eda already lost Lilith, she is… She is NOT losing Luz, not if she can help it!

She’s sick of losing people and Eda has gotten enough self-love from Luz to recognize that she at least deserves to have this kid in her life… And then of course the truth of Lilith cursing her shatters Eda’s self-confidence, because her sister already took this happiness and magic from her, Lilith took herself from Eda, and now she’s taking Luz too?! And Eda becomes resigned to her fate, and is just glad that at least Luz is safe… When really Luz insists to Eda that she should ask for Luz’s safety AND presence alongside Eda.

And Lilith, I think the tension between her and Eda would really spike in such a cathartic moment of release, when Eda is allowed to vent about her frustrations in life. But Lilith would AGREE with Eda’s sentiments that she deserves better, and cite how she spent most of her life trying to cure the curse because she thought Eda shouldn’t have to deal with it, shouldn’t have to suffer and hurt. Lilith messed up in many ways, but she DID do a lot of terrible things because she thought they’d be the best course of action for Eda… Lilith, as misguided as she was, was motivated by the belief that Eda was better than her, deserved better than her, or at least deserved better than this- Because Eda is the world to her.

Lilith, who hurt her more than anyone else, agrees that Eda doesn’t deserve this, and… it must be so validating, that this enigmatic curser, their unknown reasons, which must’ve haunted Eda as she wondered why she did this, if there was a justification for her suffering the way Luz or Amity wondered the same… It WASN’T valid, Eda’s reaction and hatred for the curse was 100% right and basically the world is agreeing with her considering that entire crowd and her own curser agree! And it’s scary to consider the idea that there isn’t some divine reason for your pain, that it was all meaningless and unnecessary… But once you get the worst out of the way –and Eda is USED to that- it can really open the avenue for some self-love, and accepting good things for yourself and working for them, too! Demanding those good things, being rightfully entitled to them, and reclaiming your dignity!

So Eda has to admit, get it off her chest this one positive thing, because she’s already unloading these negative feelings… She has to confess to Lilith that her sister’s return to her side means everything to her, that it’s one thing she lost and DID get back, and then the sisters just cry and sob into each other’s shoulders because they’ve messed up, they’ve lost so much and only had each other, and they almost lost that too… But now that bond is back, and if the sisters got their friendship back, maybe they can get MORE back from this world that they’ve lost… And if not, then what they’ve taken back and even received is just fine as it is, because having each other is all they ever needed as kids; Lilith never needed the Emperor’s Coven and she realizes this. And not only that, but they have Luz and King with them, too!

Maybe this sensation of loss plays a role into why Eda collects human trash; She’s materialistically hoarding stuff, not just as a reflection of her Owl nature… But maybe it’s also a way to cope with the losses of the intangible things in life that TRULY mattered to Eda, by making up for it with random trinkets and treasures from another world- Giving herself a kind of compensation to make up for the one she was owed but never given by others. Of course, Eda would never substitute her treasures and trinkets for actual interaction with people, and she maintains her connections with King and Luz well… But it also helps to have that AND her stuff, you know?

So it’s only all the more tragic that Eda ends up losing her human-trash business, because she loses the portal as well; But at least she got back her sister Lilith, and that’s a sacrifice she’s glad to make. Besides, it’s no different than being resigned to being dead, and NOT having anything in life because there is no life to begin with! However, Luz had to lose her way back home, and thus her mother Camila… and I think that’s something that could bother Eda later down the line, as she feels like she failed her kid and couldn’t protect Luz from the loss Eda’s always accustomed to. Eda got back Lilith, but would she have jeopardized Luz and Camila’s connection to do so?

But I think Luz can reassure Eda that not only is she putting too much blame onto herself for something Belos was responsible for –and that’s a recurring theme of abusers making victims feel wholly responsible for things beyond their control- but Luz doesn’t HAVE to lose Camila… It’s not hopeless. Eda thought she lost Lilith, and now she has her back… And it hasn’t even been an entire year yet, Camila and Luz don’t have nearly as huge of an emotional rift between them because of another’s mistakes… Their separation is physical, but it’s not hopeless. If Eda can get back Lilith, and gain Luz and King, Owlbert and Hooty… Then Luz could get back Camila, too- And maybe Eda could get to meet Luz’s mom, too!

Just… Eda deserves to be petty and immature and self-serving after everything life has thrown at her and she knows it… But she doesn’t take this one thing she’s at least due, because Eda’s so focused on giving to others. Eda doesn’t make her resentment Luz’s problem, she doesn’t let her grudge against the system prevent Luz from enrolling in Hexside… And Eda knows that the girl needs guidance and maturity, and so for Luz’s sake, Eda will steel herself and be the mentor she needs! Eda doesn’t want anyone to suffer and lose like she did, she’ll focus on giving things, even at the cost of herself, to others who arguably have it better than her, because they could get even more than what they have, and deserve to! She’s so selfless and strong, and Eda has invested so much into others even at her own sacrifice… So for once she deserves to go feral as a treat, to unapologetically beat up someone who makes a cruel remark about her curse.

Eda has been so resigned, so used to loss that she just focuses more on minimizing her losses than actually keeping what she has, or even getting things back and earning new things along the way… And it’s until Luz comes along that Eda begins to change her stance, that Eda tries to hold onto Luz, even if this doesn’t last and that night ends with Eda sacrificing herself. Eda thinks loss is such an inherent inevitability of her, such a written-in-stone fate, that she basically tries to claim this on her own terms, by deliberately sacrificing things she knows she’ll lose anyway, by giving them to those who actually deserve it- Instead of letting those lost things fade away into oblivion meaninglessly.

Eda is resigned to losing magic, so she figures she may as well lose it by protecting Luz, VS having it just dwindle away meaninglessly. She’s resigned to being petrified, so Eda figures she may as well throw herself into the beam to protect King and Lilith in the process. Eda is resigned to losing Luz moments before her execution, so she gives Luz the portal so Luz can at least go home. It’s like Eda knows it’s better to accept this than to fight it, so then she can take control and initiative of what she CAN change… If Eda accepts loss then maybe she can have a say in how it happens, and how it can also give to others as well. If she thinks that she loses everything and is given only pain in return, then Eda uses that pain to motivate herself to protect others from it.

Maybe that played into why Eda chose to give Luz the Witch’s Wool cloak, initially meant to protect her! Perhaps Eda was resigned to eventually becoming an Owl Beast, to dying or being captured, and having that cloak taken from her… So why not give it to someone else who needs it more than her, a kid who has an actual chance at avoiding misfortune? Give it to Luz, who can make the most of this cloak and her own potential, and has been doing so; Unlike Eda, who had so much magical potential, but never got to properly explore it thanks to the Coven System and the curse.

The worst part is that Eda WAS right- By reserving the cloak for Luz, it wasn’t confiscated with her when she was captured… And with the cloak’s protective abilities, Luz was able to succeed in rescuing Eda! So Eda’s kindness and investment in others does come around, and pay off… And the best part is that she never expects it to, she’s just being unconditionally kind! It’s always a pleasant surprise… Albeit because Eda’s expectations are always lowered, if not outright non-existent thanks to her horrific trauma.

It plays into her cynicism, anticipating/assuming the worst and preparing for it… Such as thinking Luz will ditch her after finding Hexside as an alternate teacher, or after learning about the curse; So Eda tries to avoid getting too attached to this kid. Or when she’s afraid that Hexside will only traumatize Luz, so initially she tries to discourage her… While also giving Luz an out with that Quitter Badge on her first day, no judgment! Eda expects the worst for herself and so tries to protect others from it by offering a support network, a safety net to recover from mistakes and learn from them… So it really means so much more to her when good things happen.

And Luz is such an excellent foil to this mindset… She’s positive, she’s still young and fresh, she righteously demands good things for herself and others and gets them, and Eda does everything to support this! Eda WANTS Luz to know that she deserves to get better things in life, she neither has to accept losses, nor minimize them… Nor just hold onto what she already has, Luz can make things better for herself! And Eda WANTS her to!

Even when Luz lost the portal and her mother, she managed to hold onto Eda and her friends when she could’ve lost them as well- She got back Eda’s regular form, and got the help and companionship of Lilith as well. Luz even got people to protest against the Emperor’s Coven, on Eda’s behalf! Eda and Luz both make the most of a situation, sometimes even expand upon that- Luz is just a lot more hopeful and optimistic in that regard, and she’s got good support from Eda.

It’s ironic that Luz’s name sounds phonetically similar to ‘Lose’, yet she’s gained so much for herself and others… And like Luz herself said; If she has to lose, she can make Belos lose a couple of things himself! Make the losses mutual, to deter them from anyone else who’d want to keep causing them, because they may not be as willing nor mature about handling sacrifice for such a selfish goal. Eda doesn’t have to lose anything, to give, and Luz wants to make her know this; That giving to others can, as corny as it sounds, be fulfilling in its own way, it can lead to one gaining a different kind of thing in life!

Eda gave something as unconditional, as endless as her love and appreciation towards Luz, and Luz returned that tenfold… It’s sweet that Eda is resigned to loss and turning it into sacrifice for others, but Luz is here to remind Eda that she doesn’t have to just accept losing things anymore, just as Eda encourages Luz not to accept the status quo. If Luz can do it for herself and others, among them Eda… Eda can do the same for herself, after doing that for Luz and so forth!

Like I said before- Luz is someone who asks why can’t she and others have it all, instead of just settling for the best option, and/or one of them… And she really learned that from Eda, who was normally resigned to loss, because she doubted her ability to get better things in life for herself, and thought she could only pass this opportunity on to others. Eda has always believed in the question of why can’t people have it all, she just began to see herself as the one exception… But no, why can’t EDA get in on this, too!? That’s something Luz can ask Eda to consider, and override any answer/justification she’s given, because Eda shouldn’t take no for an answer.

She’s always questioning of authority, and been forging her own path, making her own things from seemingly nothing, finding value even in human garbage and creating her own meaning from them beyond whatever they were intended for… Just as Eda encourages others to make their own paths and identities beyond whatever anyone else, be it a Coven System or a Titan’s alleged will, ordains! You’re more than what others make/intend for you to be… Kind of like how the Blight kids could’ve been brought into this world by Odalia and Alador to continue the Blight legacy of ‘greatness and strength’, but the kids can choose to redefine themselves and make their own purpose in life, or how Luz shouldn’t settle for any ‘destiny’ and just make the one she wants for herself.

Eda deliberately looks for and finds meaning in things, and if it’s not there she’ll make it herself; Like Luz’s own skills as a witch apprentice! Eda finds the inherent beauty in nature, and it’s an appreciation passed onto Luz, a philosophy to really pay attention and look, that leads to the discovery and reclaiming of lost glyphs! Eda finds something in rejection, in stuff and people considered outcast and detrimental, and it leads to her belief that fellow weirdoes really need to stick together, because they can find solidarity and happiness there, or create it anyway. People like Eda lost the approval of society, lost family members who rejected them… But from that rejection, they can learn and make a home for others to gain in return, as at least some compensation for their losses- A found family that could even more than make up for the blood family that had been lost! And if you can get back those lost familial bonds; The more, the merrier!

Eda’s such a productive and efficient, headstrong person in regards to handling tragedy… But at the same time, just for once, PLEASE let her be unapologetically selfish! That’s something Eda was always due and owed, and yet she had to earn it… And Eda’s more than earned it multiple times over. I’m sure Luz and the others would be glad to provide, but just once I’d love to see some universal acknowledgement of how much Eda is owed, and actually give her something for once, without Eda having to fight and work tooth and nail for it. Eda doesn’t want others to suffer and fight for good things like she had to, it influences her kindness to Luz… Let her kindness come around to her! Eda is a GODDESS and deserves to be worshipped as such, she shouldn’t take “No” for an answer- Eda should take what she wants and is owed anyway!

#the owl house #toh #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #toh eda #eda the owl lady #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house luz #luz noceda #meta #speculation

59 notes · View notes

omgkalyppso · 4 years

Text

The camp was cold, and the hour was late, and still Étoile was distracted by thought, their meditation offering no true rest as the moon travelled across the sky.

They were always gullible, and they knew this came from a secluded upbringing. Their mothers having instilled in them the value of taking people at their word, and treating them with dignity and respect, and this made it hard to manifest skepticism ... self-preservation ... duplicity.

Even so, they felt justified in assuming Astarion was being truthful of his past. His rage palpable at centuries of indignity. It was beyond imaging, and brought into question his every behaviour. How much of who he was, was learned? Was true to how he had grown or had always been? Or to how he wanted to be? Surely asking any of these questions would be inappropriate, contrary to Étoile’s intention, to take Astarion at his word. Whether this behaviour were his current mask or his truth, he’d done nothing to be treated without courtesy.

Étoile thought of his hands, cradling them just so as those fangs had sunk into them, and rolled their head back to either side of their shoulders. They wondered about their own autonomy, and if it were the same. Whether their brain worm was eating away at their thoughts, feeding ridiculous theories on vampiric desire to some unknown brain creature a plane away. Whether they were being influenced, drawn and distorted, to be thinking about him so.

“Astarion?”

“Yes?”

He turned at the sound of his name, teeth flashing in the firelight. His brow was slanted in the innocence that he seemed to sometimes let slip, intentionally or not, between the layers of pomp and decorum.

“I’m sorry,” Étoile said quickly. “I do not mean to interrupt your rest.”

Astarion brought a fist to the base of his chin, and then the back of two knuckles to the front of his lips, amused. He moved his hand aside to speak, swiping the front of his thumb across his chin as he looked away for a moment, indulging in fantasies of peace and freedom. “If only you were the worst of my problems.”

With a raise and lowering of their eyebrows, Étoile signaled their agreement, letting their gaze be drawn back to the fire so that they were not hounded by Astarion’s cheekbones, or smirk, or brutal, cutting garnet eyes.

“Well?” Astarion prompted, swiping two fingers across his forehead as if to dismiss a flyaway curl, perhaps a single strand that Étoile could not see, and they realized they were looking at him again, already abandoning the safety of distraction.

If Étoile was as bold, or confident, or provocative as their mind seemed to think they were, they might suggest, ‘If I’ve lost my tongue, perhaps you might help me find it?’ But they were not. Not nearly by far.

“I find myself thinking of our problems,” Étoile conceded.

There were many things about Étoile which were extremely elven — their patience, the way they took forever to reach their point in a conversation, their keen measure of attention — but their insistence upon treating their little band as a group, a team, was not one of them.

‘Our problems,’ Astarion was tempted to snort, the prospect that what they were going through was anything but personal, isolating and devastating, should have been a joke. Yet Étoile easily sold him on it, the idea that they were earnest, that they would fight a horde, a hunter, or a vampire lord for him out of a sense of camaraderie in shared-disaster. Was this sense misplaced? Astarion couldn’t guess, whether willingly or no, he could imagine himself easily cutting these ties Étoile sought to bind. All allies had limits in their usefulness, even friends, even family, even lovers.

He imagined Étoile’s need of connection came from their human mother, or perhaps a deep inherent loneliness that those with bleeding hearts often found themselves afflicted with. Few in Faerun felt sympathy the way Étoile seemed to, annoying at times, stopping to save or offer benefit to every poor soul they passed. Astarion might have assumed that these acts of charity could have been influenced by a desire for divine forgiveness or intervention in regards to the looming fate of doom brought on by the mindflayer worms, but knew better now, after time and conversation revealed Étoile for who they were.

Wrapping his hands around his knees, Astarion leaned back to empty air. “Any conclusions worth mentioning? I rather doubt I’m the best to offer comfort, if you’re simply finding yourself distraught with thoughts of oblivion.”

“You don’t need to offer words,” Étoile assured him, and this time Astarion did laugh, too tickled by his companion’s instinct to soothe him for being unable to assuage them, and with his lips still pulled back in a smile of disbelief, Étoile clarified their meaning. “May I sit with you?”

“Come then,” Astarion called, the humor still in his voice, as if it were a thing to be dismissed, and not a danger to the both of them, to be sharing a space with a relative stranger. He exaggerated, laying his hands over his heart, “Bring your head to my bosom that we might will away your fears.”

He watched Étoile rise to their feet, their mollified expression sending some sense of unjust contentment to the pit of his stomach. They were a hulking wall of muscle and honor, a gentle soul of fear and hope, and they were moving to sit behind him so they too could lean back against him, not knowing would touch him; lest the worms were more exacting than Astarion dared to worry.

“Thank you,” Étoile said, their voice a rumble in their chest that flitted through Astarion’s dead heart.

“Mm,” Astarion hummed. “If you feel so indebted as to thank me, what would you do if I sought recompense?”

Étoile tilted their head, long hair tickling Astarion’s bare neck. “A bite?”

Astarion found himself smiling, so readily Étoile had taken to being a prospective source of strength and vigor.

“You really must be less diplomatic if you wish to suffer more frequently of blood loss,” he teased, and Étoile scoffed, an embarrassed and easy laugh that rattled the both of them with the force of it. “We faced a veritable army of enemies today,” Astarion went on, relaxed. “No, I’ve had my fill of blood for the evening … but as for my curiosity? That yet hungers.”

“Oh?” The genuine surprise Étoile had managed in a single syllable was almost insulting, and Astarion wondered whether he’d been too aloof the last time they spoke of personal histories. There had been times in Étoile’s stories of life before the worm where he hadn’t known how to react, and simply hadn’t, or had mocked from the safety of distance and indifference, but he had found himself endeared and fascinated, even before their adventures, Étoile was interesting … alluring. What they lacked in charm, they seemed to substitute with their earnest heart, and the drive to secure the strength they needed to achieve their goals. This must have tempted others, before.

“What would you ask of me?” Étoile prompted, a blush upon their cheeks, worried about how the length of their tales had gotten away from them the last time they and Astarion had spoken.

“Tell me,” Astarion suggested, haltingly, “my dear, of the last lover you left behind?”

A sigh escaped Étoile, a noise of sorrow and regret. Astarion licked his lips, wondering whether, to this, Étoile might object, the prospect of having found a favor beyond their desire to balance every perceived responsibility just as satisfying as receiving an answer.

Goading them, he rolled his shoulders against the expanse of their back. “Surely there must have been someone? More than one? A string of broken hearts behind you?”

“A woman,” Étoile answered quickly, and Astarion blinked in surprise, staring, empty, into the distant forest, ears perked to attention. “A human woman.” They swallowed, nervous and mournful, but when they spoke again their tone was bitter, “It was less disappointing than my first tryst, but still she… Her interest didn’t extend beyond closed doors.”

Astarion’s expression twisted in scorn, having expected something more akin to the joy of youth or a gentle heartbreak. “More's the pity.”

“It was her first time with…”

As Étoile considered their phrasing, Astarion opted to offer a suggestion to ease their tension on the subject. “An elf?”

Étoile chuckled. “That too.”

Astarion pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth, smiling about their circumstance. He hearkened them back to the present. “And I say again: Would that you were the worst of my problems.”

When Astarion felt Étoile begin to turn, it was faster than instinct to spin around onto his heel, facing them before they were anywhere close to looking over their shoulder.

Long, tortuous seconds provided the opportunity to pull away, but Astarion found himself still, except the way he heaved with each breath, except for how his heart beat like a man alive … as if it remembered infatuation beyond servitude, desire beyond subjugation.

Étoile smiled at him, and Astarion felt that he could sink into the earth in shame. ‘Bury me now, for I have seen all that creation has to offer, and the Hells are a mercy when compared to the loss of this moment. You will hate me come morning, and so will I.’

“I could be…” Étoile began to suggest, and Astarion huffed in amusement.

“Be a problem?” Astarion chuckled, resting one hand on his thigh to keep balance, and reaching out with his right to rest against Étoile’s collarbone. “Try as you might…” he mocked.

Their first kiss was slower than expected, Étoile twitching throughout the whole of it, as they considered jolting away, afraid they’d overstepped, afraid they’d misinterpret—

“Try harder,” Astarion whispered, allowing his plea to be covered in the grandeur of desire.

Astarion’s eyes were dark with the threat of promise, and whether by supernatural thrall or the splendor of seduction, Étoile only knew they were obliged to try again, and again, and again.

#my writing #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #oc tag: étoile #astarion #long post #please don't spoil things for me. i'm not done the content yet but after the tiefling party i wanted a first kiss

57 notes · View notes

timeforelfnonsense · 3 years

Text

Lost and Found

Astarion x Dafni

Rating: T

Hurt/Comfort

TW for depression mention

Ao3

I’ve been working on this bad boy for a month and it’s done at last!

An important note: There is some reference to the Lolth Sworn drow in this and I feel the need to clear the air and state that I have some issues with the way WotC characterizes the drow as inherently evil. My house rules are that none of the races are inherently evil because the broad strokes in the source material as problematic af. So while the followers of Lolth might be evil I want to make it clear that doesn't equal all drow are bad. Dafni holds all varieties of elves in tender regard. As an eladrin of the fey wilds and a follower of Corellon she understands that fluid and changing nature of all living things. Life is messy and people do not fit into boxes, very few folks are all bad or all god. Not every elf worships the Seldarine and that’s ok. A fundamental part of Corellon is freedom and choice therefore it would be foolish to insist her path is the only right one. Her issue is with Lolth not the drow as a whole.

The Underdark was a horrid and forsaken place. A shudder ran down Dafni’s spine as she rubbed away the gooseflesh cropping up across her arms. Lolth’s influence hung heavy in the stale air. She would have to step lightly. A cleric of Corellon would be a great prize to the followers of the Spider Queen. She missed the warm sun on her face, the feeling of grass beneath her bare feet. She could feel herself wilting under the oppressive darkness that surrounded them.

Anxiety was a strange and forging feeling. The majority of her 160 years had been spent embodying the playful delight of spring. Perhaps it was on account of her relative youth. Or, maybe it was the influence of Corellon Larethian, whose wild and wonderful influence she had felt all her life. He had looked out for her. Cared for her as a father would his child. Truly, Corellon felt as much a parent to her as her mother, Thesmia did. A meek half-smile tugged at the corner of her lips. He had given her a reason to leave home when the wanderlust became far too much for her to contain. If she was to flourish as both an elf and a divine servant, Dafni would need to truly know herself beyond being Thesmia’s shadow. Absentmindedly her fingers reached for the familiar crescent moon that hung from her neck.

Her feet skidded to a halt, her trembling hand pulled away empty. Her blood turned to ice. An agonizing dagger of guilt pierced her heart and she felt as though the ground beneath her would open up and swallow her whole. Part of her wished that it would. She had carried the holy symbol since she was a young girl. Though she knew in her soul it had been her’s even before that. It had served as her connection not just to her god, but her heritage and primal spirit- The very essence of her being.

“I lost it.” Her voice was less than a whisper, stunned and distant. Tears began to well up in her eyes. The world around her was growing colder by the second. “My amulet is gone.” Her breath began to come out in heaves and she began to sob in earnest. “It- It must have gotten lost when the minotaur tossed me!”

Her sharp cry stopped her traveling companions in their tracks. Each of their faces dressed in varying degrees of confusion and concern. Gale began to speak but his words were drowned out but the low ringing in her ears. A dizzy, sickening feeling bloomed in her gut and the edges of her vision began to blur as the darkness she had so feared gripped her soul.

They had doubled back to the old Selûnite fort. The others were still there setting up a temporary camp. Shadowheart hadn’t been able to find anything physically wrong with her aside from the normal bumps and scrapes that were to be expected on an active adventurer.

Astarion felt truly helpless for the first time since he’d escaped Cazador’s clutches. It had been an hour and Dafni had yet to wake. He clasped her hand in his. A soft blue had slowly been spreading over her sage-green skin, creeping its way from the tips of her fingers to the crown of her head. Her locks were shifting at the root from rosy pink to a frosty teal. The flowers that wove through her loose ponytail had all weathered into dust.

He squeezed her hand, “Come on Daffodil…”

Gale had been fairly positive that this was, to some extent normal for the eladrin of the Feywilds. Something about a book he’d read by some notable wizard? Truth be told Astarion hadn’t been paying much attention. He was too busy staring down Lae’zel, who’s paranoia filled gaze had been locked on Dafni’s sleeping form from the moment they’d returned.

He should have been annoyed at her. The loss of some silly costume jewelry had caused her to swoon like a high born lady. He knew she was made of stronger stuff than that. Her little spell had put them all behind and left them without a healer the whole trek back to the fort. Yet, try as he might Astarion couldn’t seem to conjure up the ire he held for those too weak to survive hardship on their own.

He groaned, letting his head hit the wall behind him with a soft thunk. There it was again- That damn sentimentality! By the Hells, he was a vampire, not a nursemaid! What had gotten into him?

“You should rest.” Wyll placed a hand on his shoulder, “I’ll keep an eye on her for a bit.”

His eyes went narrow, a low growl rumbling in his chest. The idea of leaving her while she was vulnerable made his blood boil.

I’ll watch your back and you watch mine…

Her promise echoed through his thoughts. Dafni had held her end of the bargain with unwavering resolve. If he left now it would feel too much like betraying the one person he’d allowed even a fragment of trust in the past two centuries.

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t an appropriate reaction.” He muttered while he whisked away an icy tear from her cheek. “I’m just a bit... Out of sorts.”

Wyll nodded, taking a seat on the dusty floor beside him, “Hey, she’s tough. She’ll pull through, whatever this is.” The warlock gave him an almost smug look, “You really care for her don’t you?”

“I hardly see how that’s any of your concern.” He sneered with a wave of his hand, “Besides, my concern is simply a matter of pragmatism. Our little band of misfits can’t afford to lose our best healer-” Astarion hesitated for a moment before adding, “Don’t tell Shadowheart I said that. We need not add my body to the pile- Should things go poorly.”

“If I promise not to sell you out will you take a break?”

For the first time since she had fainted, he noticed the scratchy dryness in his throat. Astarion scowled, there was little in the way of appetizing food that he had seen but he would just have to make due. He was loathed to leave her side but Wyll was a good man, a better one than him in truth. He would keep her safe.

“What’s this? The legendary Blade of the Frontiers, stooping to common blackmail.” He tried to keep his tone flat but he couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips, “Fine, I’ll take a break. I’m a bit parched anyway. I suppose I’ll try to track something palatable down here. Unless…”

He arched an eyebrow towards Wyll who moved away with an overstated scoot.

“Not a chance, now go!”

Cold.

A crushing, all-consuming chill wrapped its arms around her spirit. Spring had left her. Now she stood alone in the isolating melancholy of winter. She reached out for the familiar warmth of The Protector but here- In this cursed place his influence felt far and foreign. If only she had her holy amulet. It could have served as a compass leading her back to Corellon’s embrace. She would simply have to press on. She had put them behind already and there was no time for sentiment. She wouldn’t be able to cast spells until she found a replacement and the chances of a spare symbol of her god in the Underdark were laughable. Dafni tried to sniff back the tears pricking at the edges of her eyes but it was no use. They rolled down her baby blue cheeks freezing before they could fall to the ground. She glanced up at Astarion, who walked a few paces ahead. While Gale and Wyll had spent the better part of a day coddling her, he had remained distant.

Maybe he didn’t want her like this? Her sadness threatened to consume anyone near her and he had enough grief of his own. He had admitted once that he enjoyed having her near. Whispered in her ear that she was sunlight and happiness made flesh as he took her in a flower patch of her own creation.

The feeling of a gentle hand pulled her from her thoughts. Gale offered her a small smile before speaking, “Are you all right?”

“Oh-” She sniffed, whipping away another frozen tear, “I’ll be alright. I just don’t feel much like myself right now.”

Gale nodded in response, “Yes, I can see that. Perhaps we shouldn’t have brought you here. The Underdark does seem quite at conflict with the very core of your being.”

A mournful laugh escaped her aching chest, “I don’t think we’d have had any better luck with that shadow curse above ground. No, my sorrow isn’t a good enough reason to risk the rest of the group’s safety.” She brought an icy hand to Gale's cheek, causing him to shiver, “I appreciate your concern but really I’ll be alright. We eladrin are ruled by our emotions, a shift of season was inevitable at some point or another. It’s unfortunate for the rest of you it had to be winter. Things are dire enough without my sorrowful presence bringing you all down with me. Perhaps it would be best for all of you to keep your distance.”

She sighed, her eyes falling on Astarion, who lingered just on the edge of the bitter cold her sadness created. While it pained her to say it, she knew he was right to keep away. The others should do the same if they were wise. Gale gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“He’s a funny one, Astarion.” Gale mused, “Wyll told me he had to resort to extortion to pry him from your side while you were out. Yet, today he acts as if you have the plague.”

A small snort of laughter broke past her tears, “Extortion?”

“I believe comments were made comparing Shadowheart’s healing abilities to your own. Wyll offended his silence in exchange for Astarion taking a break.”

“That’s not fair to her.” Dafni sniffed, “She’s not a life cleric, she does her best.”

“You have a good heart, Dafni.” Gale said giving her arm a squeeze, “My point is I think he cares about you, in his own odd way. At the very least he’s far more pleasant when you are around”

“You really think so?”

“I do,” Gale assured, “he’d have to be the biggest fool in Faerûn not to see how wonderful you are.”

Dafni felt a bit of warmth return to her heart. Not enough to thaw her sorrows but it was a start. Gale’s words helped her sort through the chaos of her mind as they had so many times before. He was a loyal and kind friend, as was Wyll. Shadowheart too despite her evasive and secretive nature. Even Lae’zel had warmed to her as best she was able despite their differences. There was a solace to be found in the support of her peers. She wasn’t so alone after all.

The sound of her laugh hit Astartion like a battering ram. She seemed to be in slightly better spirits since arriving in the Myconid Circle. She floated about the fungus folk with an easy familiarity. It seemed being among the vibrant plants and creatures of grotto had offered her some sense of normalcy. He looked over his shoulder to see what had coaxed a giggle from her (no matter how pitiful and melancholy it sounded). A sharp twinge of jealousy ran down his spine as he watched Dafni stroke Gale’s cheek with a somber smile.

He bit the feeling back. It was better for them both if he kept his distance. Gentle kindness was hardly his strong suit. Gods, he was a disaster. How many times had she offered him comfort even when he spurned her? She had given so freely to him, her kindness, the warmth of her bed, the very blood in her veins. And there he was relying on someone else to comfort his lover.

Dafni was a resilient little thing. So optimistic and sweet it made his teeth hurt. It was disorienting to see her so morose. He had learned the boundaries of her emotional aura rather quickly. He had noticed an unfamiliar warm feeling that first night at camp. He found himself lingering near her as often as he could after that. Savoring the tender happiness that radiated from off of her. She had told him it was simply part of her nature. A charming quirk he’d grown to enjoy a great deal. But now he could feel her heavy sorrow as if it were his own and he longed to make her hurt go away.

Damn sentimentality.

He had his own worries. He didn’t need to take on hers as well. She didn’t need him to coddle her. And more importantly, he most certainly was not beholden to her contentment for his own survival despite his halfwit heart’s insistence to the contrary. She was making him soft. It was ridiculous! He was far too old to be fretting over her like a lovelorn sprat.

It must be the tadpole. Her compassion must have wormed its way into his brain somehow. That was the only logical explanation.

He needed to clear his head and get some distance between them so he could feel more himself. He wandered aimlessly about the grotto as he attempted to show away any feelings of softhearted sympathy but it was no use. He rubbed his temples and let out a frustrated huff. He should never have taken that first taste of her. She’d become an irresistible craving from that moment on. It wasn’t just her blood, but every aspect of her that called to him. Inviting him to take refuge in her affections. He could feel himself lowering his guard a little bit more each day despite his efforts to keep her at arm's length. She’d flash him that beguiling little grin, her topaz eyes brimming over with admiration and he would find himself tempted to let her just another inch closer. He’d known she was dangerous from the moment he clapped eyes on her in the wreckage of the crash. He’d prepared himself for a stake to the heart but the infatuation she had inspired in him was infinitely more frightening and possible just as deadly.

He made his way to the alcove where the Society of Brilliance had set up shop. The strange hobgoblin had mentioned something to the party about being a collector of magical items and oddities. Walking had failed to rid him of his frustrations perhaps shopping would.

A glimmer caught his eye as he approached the cluttered stall. There, on the table was a familiar silver amulet. He was going to get it back for her and pray the gesture was enough to curb his need to see her happy. He could swipe it easily enough but he didn’t want to draw trouble to Dafni if she was spotted wearing it. No, charm and a dash of intimidation would be his best shot.

“Excuse me,” He smiled wide allowing for a slight flash of his fangs, “I was hoping you would be willing to part with that necklace.”

“A vampire interested in the acquisition of a holy symbol?”

“Yes, it’s very ironic.” Astarion rolled his eyes. “Now, how much do you want for the damn thing?”

“Well, first time for everything.” the hobgoblin shrugged, “You have a good eye, this is very unique. It’s forged from mithral and inlaId with sylvan moonstones. The holy symbol of Corellon is more commonly depicted as an eight-pointed star these days rather than the crescent moon. Meaning this item is very old indeed! It was brought in just yesterday. I would be hesitant to sell it but my research does require more funding. How does 900 gold sound?”

“I hate to be the one to tell you but ‘very old’ is a relative term when it comes to items of elvish origin.” He kept his tone flat and unimpressed, “Long-lived people do tend to hold onto things.”

“Ah, but you’ll find this is more than your average antique! Judging by the craftsmanship I would say it dates back to the time of the primal elves.”

Shit.

Of course, her necklace had much more than sentimental value. He had hoped for a quick haggle but it seemed he was going to have to work for it. He really didn’t have that much coin on him, nor was he inclined to spend it on something that was not rightfully the hobgoblin’s to sell. He raffled through his mind searching for a thinly veiled threat or convincing argument to lower the price until the perfect mixture of the two dawned on him.

Astarion let out a droll hum as he checked his nails with casual disinterest. He spoke in a low, blasé voice, “You said before you weren’t much for combat? Don’t you think it’s risky, carrying around a holy item of Corellon in the den of the Spider Queen? It would be such a shame if something were to happen to you at the hands of a zealot. Really I’m doing you a favor by purchasing it. I’ve crossed swords with the Lolth sworn before they are merciless and skilled fighters almost as dangerous and bloodthirsty as vampires.”

He let a wicked bark of laughter. A bemused expression flickering across his face. He could smell the fear stirring in the timid merchant. It would seem he hadn’t lost his edge after all.

Blurg swallowed hard before mustering a response, “ Ah- I hadn’t thought about that...”

Dafni sat cross-legged on the ramparts of the fort fletching a new batch of arrows. She’d need more to compensate for her lack of magic for the time being. She’d spent the whole trek back to their camp scanning the ground for her necklace but it had all been for not. She’d just have to accept the fact it was gone no matter how much it broke her heart.

“There you are, darling. I’ve been looking all over for you.”

The sound of Astarion’s voice caused her to jump, tossing her arrow down with a start. Dafni clutched her chest shooting him a sharp look. He only laughed, his infuriating gorgeous face fixed in a grin that reminded her of a satyr who stumbled upon a river of bathing nymphs. He dipped to his knees placing a hungry kiss on her scowling lips. He couldn’t be serious. All-day she had been desperate for his attention and he was completely uninterested but now that he had an itch to scratch he was searching up and down for her. Unbelievable! She shouldn't have been surprised. It wasn’t as if he’d ever promised her his undying love and devotion. Still, she had thought him tactful enough not to proposition her after the hell she’d been through that day.

“I’m not really in the mood right now.” She scolded, “You’ll just have to entertain yourself tonight, you egotistical lecher!”

“That- Isn’t why I sought you out. But, if you truly don’t want my company I’ll leave you be.” He shrugged his tone flippant despite the flash of vulnerability in his ruby eyes.

“I- I’m sorry that was really mean and uncalled for. Please stay.”

Stupid impulsive girl.

She slumped forwards, hiding her face in her knees. She could feel the icy tears threatening to spill over for the hundredth time that day. He’d come to check on her and she’d cut him down because of her own insecurity. The bitterness had gotten the better of her and she had unwittingly discouraged his attempt at compassion.

“If you think the accusation of being a rake is the most heinous insult that’s been hurled at me I’m afraid you’ve missed the mark by quite a lot.”

He sat down beside her, placing a hesitant hand on her back. She could sense his uncertainty. He was nervous and clearly out of his depth but he was trying. His cautious fingertips moved slowly across the expanse of her back, tracing nebulas shapes and patterns as she drew short, shallow breaths. She couldn’t bear to look at him. She just knew he was staring at her with the same wide, gentle eyes he had when she’d offered her neck to him that night in the woods. If she saw him like that the dam would break and she’d be an utter mess.

“I still shouldn’t have said it.” Her voice came out shaky and quiet as she peeked over the top of her knees at him.

“I think I’ll find it in my heart to forgive you.” He leaned in close, whispering in her ear. “I have something for you. Now, stand up and close your eyes.”

She arched a questioning brow but compiled, hopping to her feet. He pushed her ponytail to one side. His touch lingered on her jumping pulse causing a shiver to run down her spine. A warm chuckle falling from his lips in response. The cool feeling of metal draped across her throat, an otherworldly comfort hummed all around her as the delicate weight of a pendant fell against her chest.

“Where did you find it!!” Dafni gasped, “I thought I had lost it forever! You can’t fathom how much this means to me.”

“It’s a gift, to repay you for all the ones you’ve given me.”

It probably seemed a small thing to him but he’d returned a missing piece of herself. Words felt woefully inadequate to express her gratitude. She threw her arms around his neck, sending him staggering back a bit. She hardly noticed. She stood on her tiptoes placing gentle kisses all over him. First over the bridge of his nose and then his cheeks and down his neck. Her fingers laced through his soft curls tugging him close, her lips brushed against his. Astarion’s hands fell to her soft waist, his mouth ever so slightly parting for hers. Dafni sighed, running her tongue along the warm seam of his lip earning her a satisfied purr. His hand ventured to the small of her back gently coaxing her closer. She took in a deep breath, the dizzying blend of leather and patchouli making her weak at the knee. She could have stayed like that forever, pressed safe and content against his solid chest. The feeling was big and terrifying but magical and perfect all at once.

Drat...

She was falling in love with him.

#elf writes #bg3 early access #bg3 oc #bg3 #Wyll #shadowheart #gale #wyll and astarion are besties you can't change my mind #astarion #dafni of gwynneth

22 notes · View notes

demonprosecutor · 3 years

Text

OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS... YOU KNOW THE SONG.

innocence, like all things, succumbs to the touch of death and time - both in conjunction and never not coexisting with each other. it was a difficult pill to swallow at times, but the naivety of childhood could never weather the storm that the real world presented. a sad notion, but a necessary one. your thighs had ached and chafed with the hours of riding upon amydros - you had never ridden this far nor this long without rest. “alright, let’s rest.” you say aloud, pulling on the reins until the horse trots to a stop, towards a bend in the path where you slid down its back, and tied the leather strips around a sturdy branch.

even if winter had always made you nervous on principle (you’ve heard stories of bodies contorted in the throes of winter as lord thanatos had claimed their souls, or of crops failing and leaving a town starving for the next spring), you find relief of the cold on your aching muscles, a brief respite really. By then, your anger had cooled and subdued into a faint irritation. You were never someone who could hold their anger for a sustained amount of time without being weary.

with the edge of the cloak, you brush off gently-fallen snow off of the surface of the flattest rock you could find there, and carefully made sure that the cloak was at your bottom before sitting down. you had always taken your oaths seriously, always taken the truth seriously, but now? amid the snowy emptiness, placing yourself at the forefront of your secret fears of having to traverse the outside world without a safety tether was frightening.

maybe zagreus thought that your inherent fears would force you to remain in the town? that hypothesis makes you flush with indignation, crumpling the cloak between your hands. how dare he?! you weren’t... some... some civilian in distress that needed saving, you were an independent person capable of holding their own in any scenario.

“maybe lord hermes could glean more answers?” despite the distance between the two towns, you found that they held a camaraderie with each other that resulted in frequent trade during the warmer months and therefore, you had managed to catch the information that there was a rather robust temple dedicated to lord hermes. it makes sense, traveller towns tended to venerate that god above all else, well, the aspect of travelling at least. amydros nickers quietly, ears flicking.

“at least you listen.” you stand up before the chill could seep through clothing and onto skin, walking over to stroke the strong flank of your horse. “zagreus never bothered to listen. always talking, always stumbling through conversation like a newborn fawn...” your hands curl into fists, pressed against the warm fur. “--- but he was always so kind.” zagreus’ warm smile came to the forefront of your mind, mismatched eyes twinkling like stars. “always made me feel like i was... like i was an equal.”

by then, a flush rises to your cheeks. “and he is, erm, handsome... and sweet and endearing. like a puppy!” a look up and you see amydros leveling a rather judgemental look. as if to say: really? you were angry at him and now... you’re gushing about him

you slap your cheeks hard enough for it to sting, shaking your head. That was... a moment of weakness! you were still incredibly angry with him and you were going to give him a piece of your mind. Once you saw him. Then you’d hug him tightly because you were worried. zagreus did not know how terrible mortals could be, and you’d feel a lot better with him around.

you are alone....

amydros, to the horse’s credit, does not rear back in alarm at the voice that echoed around the clearing. too much like anura, you hold your steed’s reins close, heart thundering to the beat of amydros’ panicked breathing. even then, the most prominent thought that manages to sluice through the anxiety was: again?!

a nearby tree creaks, a mighty oak standing tall and bereft of its leaves, yet it shifts - the whorls on its trunk shifting into the closest approximation of a face. a dryad, an ancient, prideful one, if you had to guess. but most of all, something within your chest eases gently, unfurling like the drying wings of a butterfly. as though you were a child that had roused from a nightmare and found solace in their parent’s arms. they were good. above all, this dryad was a kind one, you could tell.

the stiffness of your shoulders lowers slightly, the smile upon your lips warm and assured. “gentle dryad, it is... wonderful to see you in spite of this bitter winter.” you never forget your manners and rifle through your bag, extracting a slice of bread that was given by menelaia before you left, and held it out - an offering to a near-god.

the dryad shifted its eyes to peer at the bread before the trunk cracks open with a thunderous sound, a gnarled wooden arm unfolding from the depths of the tree like an insect leg that carefully plucks the offering from your hand and returns. the air warms briefly, a signifier of its delight, its ineffable gratitude at recognition. nowadays, people forgot to thank the everyday spirits that resided in this world, ones that aided the gods and kept the earth and oceans as verdant and thriving as it was. “thank you, sapling.” it speaks in an ancient tongue, one that you should not understand, but with the magic of the divine, you were able to. a language so ancient, and so lost, it made your bones shudder at its strangeness. “you seek someone.”

you nod, eyes downcast. “yes.”

“a precious someone.” they say gently, a rumble of thunder in the distance, and you cannot help the aching smile on your face. “someone you care and adore.” they unfurl your heartstrings and read between the lines like the ancient rings of its home. wise because of its years and kinder because of it.

“yes. how did you know?” sometimes things weren’t meant to be asked, but you couldn’t help questioning this matter of mind-reading. “is it that obvious?”

a branch creaks downwards, a lone green leaf brushing over your hair, “love is the easiest to see, always so bright and vibrant. yet...” it brushes away a tear at the corner of your eye. “you are filled with such a terrible sadness, sapling.”

and you chuckle at that, tilting your head, “since when is that a new thing? are not all living things with terrible sadnesses?” you grab your arms, crossing them and rubbing them as a way to comfort. “he left me behind. to protect me from whatever evil this journey will birth. but i was ready to be there next to him! i was ready to protect him in my own way.” you weren’t exactly sure what that looked like, but you were prepared to sacrifice - after all, it’s not like you had much at stake.

the dryad stares at you, eyeless sockets like the void, but infinitely more comforting. before it sighs, “i will help you--”

“why?” you interrupt, cautious as ever.

“i do not have long on this realm and you were the first being that had shown me kindness, is it not fitting for one birthed from love to return love?” the ground breaks, a root curling upwards, breaking through the winterfrost that made it forest floor unmoveable. upon closer, you see a circle of gold hanging from the curve of the root. “forged from deep within the earths, when i used to boast more beauty than now. it is meant to guide you to your heart’s desire.”

you look at the ring, the metal warm and lovely - as though you held your hands against a flickering hearth. “how does it work?”

it laughs softly, a whisper of a breeze, bringing the smell of spring before demeter’s winter dominates once more. “bring it close to your chest and allow your heart to guide you, the ring will show you the way.” you pull back and offer your gratitude with a smile, a nod, watching as the dryad heaves one more mighty sigh before the trunk seals shut and the face fades into obscurity, once more like the trunk it was before.

you stand there, the ring clutched to your chest, just above your heart. it was strange to speak to a dryad that wasn’t speio, shaking your head to dismiss the cobwebs of memory that persisted. there was no point in sinking into nostalgia, it was better to do so when everything calmed down.

as the dryad had instructed, you closed your eyes and allowed thoughts to fall away from your mind - leaving you with the blissful emptiness that allowed your heart to speak freely, without obstruction. the ring warms, hot enough that you grow alarmed, eyes snapping open and peering down at the metal. it shone like a miniature sun, whispering sweetly before a beam of light shoots forward, between the trees and to the great beyond. “what the---” your brows furrow, as you wave a hand through the beam of light, disturbing it like ripples of water, yet remains steadfast in the direction it pointed.

was this what the dryad meant by the ring showing you the path to your heart’s desire?

suddenly buoyed by the thought of your journey made easier, you grin and untangle amydros’ reins from the branch and leapt onto his back, kicking your heels into his flanks. “follow the light!” amydros tosses his head, kicking up dirt and snow underneath his hooves.

the woods thicken, branches so numerous that it blocked the sn, the darkness illuminated by the magical glow of the ring, casting away the shadows that lingered at the edges of your vision. it was wise to allow the both of you to rest, but wolves prowled about in these woods - that and untold dangers. and you weren’t willing to boast your admittedly-pathetic fighting skills.

you had been following the path of the light, unwavering, wind stirring your hair and breath frosting in the air - but then it veers sharply to the right, into a darker path. “shit!---” you yank on amydros’ reins to halt his run, backing him up until you were in full-view of the deviation of the path. “why here?” the ring is brought to your face, pulsating with warm life, pointing into the darker woods, the branches curling about like an archway. unnatural, yet not.

was this your heart’s desire?

with the reins clutched tightly in your hands, you turn your steed towards the dark void of the path, branches and rotted wood curling about. amydros flicks his ear uneasily, and you stroke his neck carefully. “easy. there must be something there.” with a deep breath and no small amount of courage, you both turn onto the path.

the trail was craggy. interrupted by fallen branches, stones and grooves. this told you that it was a path not regularly traveled by horse or by man, a thought that does not comfort you. after all, danger does not only lie with the mortal realm.

the thought to turn around arose the deeper you went down the path, but considering how tight the squeeze was, it wasn’t an option. trees shuddered, darkness encroaching and stifling enough that you couldn’t breathe. visions of red and crimson flashed before your gaze, screams shrilling in your ears, body shaking and fists curled tightly enough that it bit into your palms.

red and gold, red and gold. only the union of gods and mortal so bold ---- can end this all.

blood flooded your mouth, spilling down your chin, and when you think you cannot handle anymore... you stumble into an open meadow. the air was still, the grass and flowers frosted, yet alive - suspended between life and death. purple butterflies floated about, lingering at your side before floated off. the ring warms, the light pointed towards the figure standing in the middle, draped in reaper’s cloth and scythe held like a harbinger above the hood of lord thanatos.

he looked surprised by your appearance, just as you were by his. “what are you doing here? and... where is zagreus?” lord thanatos looks past you, expecting to see the prince stumble after you, but after realizing that he wasn’t there, golden eyes snap to you.

you slide down with shaky legs, wiping the blood away with the edge of the cloak, approaching lord thanatos and dropping to a knee. the cold immediately sunk into your knee, head bowed. “lord thanatos, i did not expect to see you here.” nor did you expect to have the ring show thanatos to be your heart’s desire, but you kept that fact wisely to yourself, face reddening. “---the prince isn’t here. he left me behind at a town, intent on pursuing his---” you pause, lifting your head before pushing yourself to your feet. was it wise to reveal why zagreus left? or were you going to set things in motion that should not occur.

“well?” he asks impatiently, his features deadpan, yet betraying enough that you knew it was better to speak. besides, zagreus had always spoke about the steadfastness of thanatos, about how he was to be trusted. you quickly pray that he was right.

“prince zagreus went to pursue his missing mother. in a place heavily shielded by magic. lord hermes had given him a map and i intended to follow, but he left me behind. i was given this,” you show the glowing ring, the beam of light disappearing into the darkness of his garb, “and it led me to you. it was meant to show my... heart’s desire.” it was said fast, yet your face warms. “the times are growing stranger, my lord...”

lord thanatos takes everything in, eyes falling shut in thought. “mmm. interesting, this is quite troubling news.” he hovers above the flowers, brows furrowed in a tight knot. death incarnate does not speak for some time, long enough that you shift in place uneasily. "things are changing. things are not dying and ancient evils are speaking within the wells of tartarus. zagreus' mother disappearing is the first step. the olympians will not intervene unless they need to," lord thanatos says this with a curl to his lip, derision evident. "instead they will use zagreus and whatever foolish individual that follows as tools."

(you suspect that he's speaking about you...)

"nonetheless, we cannot leave the fool to die. or meet a fate unknown." his scythe swishes in the air, purple eye blinking at you magnanimously. "i will aid you in your quest, groundskeep." lord thanatos was an imposing figure and to have him as an ally was.... well, it was comforting. there was no figure, no deity feared more, than this god before you. even the olympians feared what he could do; for through his touch, they could find their deaths as well.

"wait--- you're helping me?" your mouth drops open in shock, and this! coming from someone who had threatened you weeks ago....

lord thanatos arched a brow, "was i unclear in my declaration? i'm going to help you find zagreus and subsequently, his mother. it is a pain to have things... not die." there's something in his eyes that told you that there was something more to this, but you don't pry. the machinations of gods were not your concern. "i will speak with lord hermes and see if he could replicate the map he gave zagreus, let your magic ring guide you to him. meanwhile, here." lord thanatos reaches into his chiton, producing a small, little tattered mouse. patchworked with fabric and soft to the touch. it nestled comfortably in the circle of your arms.

"... what is this?" you look up at death incarnate, cocking your head. why... was he giving you a child's toy?

much to your surprise, his cheeks took on a gentle, gold hue. as though he was embarrassed by your question. “his name is mort, use him if you are in trouble, and i shall come to your aid. but! only when you need it, i cannot always come. find zagreus, do not fail me. and, groundskeep? this is between us.” lord thanatos says this threateningly before disappearing in a flash of green light, temporarily causing spots to appear in your vision.

you are left alone, the earth heaving a sigh at the departure of death. the air stirred once more, the darkness lifting slightly and the strange, purple butterflies that danced in the meadows were gone. you looked at the little mouse, large enough to carry comfortably, and soft too! a quick look around told you that you were alone, save for amydros grazing nearby and took a slight sniff of the toy.

it smelled of... lavender. of ash. the two smells of your dead town that dominated your nose. but instead of filling you with grief, you were filled with a strange sense of peace. you place mort at the bottom of your bag, where it wouldn’t fall out by accident and leapt once more onto amydros’ back.

the path that you had entered was brighter now, less stifling. the ring flickered to life and pointed northward - towards the town that menelaia had spoken about. you kick your heels and amydros thundered towards where he needed to be.

yet even with the ache of your thighs, the burn of your lungs, your thoughts went back to the god. what did he mean by things not dying anymore? what evil speaks in tartarus? perhaps these questions would be better answered with an oracle or a seer - if the town had any. “let’s hope we find zagreus by then,” you say aloud, amydros’ ear flicked back at you in acknowledgement.

but you weren’t that worried, zagreus had a way of avoiding trouble.

#hades the game #hades supergiant #thanatos hades #my writing #aku writing

19 notes · View notes