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#the ending songs on the second series are just TOO MUCH! 😂

hollyhomburg · 1 month

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Before I Leave You (pt.68)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Your time is running out. minute by minute, breath by breath, kiss by kiss.

Tags: Angst, Hurt (no comfort yet), illusions to past mental health issues and past domestic abuse, mentions of low-self-esteem, internalized shame and self-shaming behaviors, themes of abandonment, speeding, guns, violence,

W/c: 13.4k

A/N: ahhhhh so here we are! i've been dreaming of this chapter since the very beginning of the series! this is like...the ultimate chapter...thank you for giving me a little bit of extra time to sit with it! we've still got a bit to go! there is a little section near the end where the chapter will prompt you to click on a link to play kate bush 😂 if you feel like you'll be distracted by music in the background you don't need to push it- thats just the song that i always heard playing in my head whenever i heard that part playing.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

Hobi is sitting on the edge of the nest sipping at his ice water when you come back into the nest room. Someone has drawn all of the heavy curtains over the windows and they pool on the floor at the rim of the room. The plastic pulled up too. The evidence folded and put away for later burning. Like a bad memory or a piece of clothing that doesn't fit right. Shoved in the back of the closet.

The rage and fear and panic are harder to put away. The conviction is not so easy to hide. You can’t put it down the same way that people file their taxes or their children's old scribbles.

You- like a child, have not been able to color between the lines. You- like a child, are messy.

You can’t stop yourself from walking over to him. Drawn to him where he sits nursing his injuries like a moth to a flame. You feel every heartbeat spent in his presence; every breath shared sticky like smoke in your lungs. Every second is savored and every second burns.

You want to ask him if he’s alright, but questions like that seem very pointless now.

Hobi’s not alright- but he will be. He will be okay forever if you do what you have to do. Now that you’ve decided it’s all you can think about. You rarely ever get to know that your last day with someone will be your last day, and now because you know- you look at him a little harder. A little longer.

You wonder what he’ll look like in 10 years and in 20. If he’ll get crow’s feet from smiling so much. If the salt water he loves so much will eventually grow into his features and make him look like something ancient.

You wonder if one day he'll get so many freckles that the tops of his shoulders will be permanently a shade deeper than the rest of his skin- Or if Seokjin’s sunscreen will spare him from the simple pleasure of looking like your favorite thing. Hoseok has always been one part sunshine one part everything else.

He looks pale right now. It hasn't been summer in months and you won't get to see him get all freckly and sun-kissed again.

Growing old is a privilege (you don’t want to grow old) and you’re reminded of that every time you look at his throat and see the bruises there (you wish you and Hobi could stay as you are- like this, in this house- both alive and healing- forever) but you can’t.

You can’t.

You touch his shoulder softly and his head jerks up, body going tense and then slack when he sees it's just you.

It’s quiet up here. The others are just downstairs and they’re making a lot of noise. Hoseok turns, setting his glass of water down on the floor, leaning into your hand in the same movement. It would be cute if he didn’t have black bruises crisscrossing his throat and blood in the whites of his eyes. In truth, every blink only convinces you that this is what you have to do. This is what you need to do.

You know that at any moment the pack is going to come looking for you. That they’ll all come and fill the room with their soothing noises and sweet concern. You're not too worried about finding the right time to slip away. Moonbyul’s given you 24 hours after all.

We didn’t get enough time, did we? I’d have liked more.

Hobi tries to speak and you shush him, he makes a frustrated hum of a noise. You sit down next to him when he tugs you, hand vicelike on your wrist. Your heart is beating really fast. You wonder if he can hear it or at least smell your distress. The whole house is a tangle of distressed scents; your rain, Yoongi’s ocean, Hoseok’s burnt caramel. burning burning burning. It disguises your scent. Hoseok can’t smell how you’re panicking.

You smile at him, and Hobi tries to speak again. unsuccessfully.

“Here your phone-” but Hoseok doesn’t reach for it, he doesn’t reach for anything but you. Pulling you closer to him. His thumb pressed to the pulse point of your wrist, where your skin becomes thin and sensitive. Pulling you until your thigh lines up against his.

The nest up here is the only place in the house that smells somewhat normal, still soaked with your sleepy muted scents from a few days ago (How long will it be until your scent fades from the house?) You take a deep shaky breath, trying to savor it. Hoseok bites his lower lip.

Hoseok starts on your thigh. His hand squeezes it once and then he starts to write. It’s slow going. He can only write one letter at a time but-

“D-O-N-T”

His eyes are positively boring into yours as your breath hitches and you start. “Hobi I-” he repeats it again, writing it out faster. You grab his hand squeezing it. But he pulls it out of your grasp.

“N-O”

You huff, frustrated and close to tears but stealing yourself not to show him your true feelings. How hard this is. You duck in low, kissing over one of the bruises on his neck. He jerks back, furrowing his eyebrows at you. And part of you is just begging him to let it go. You’re half sitting in his lap now all so that he can write out his distress on both your thighs.

“Alright- just stop.” You can hear the rest of the pack on the stairs. It’s getting late, they’ve done all of the cleaning they can manage for today. You can hear Yoongi on the stairway talking to Jin:

“Maybe we should just burn the railing, there’s definitely a bullet or two in it still.”

Jin’s reply is near hissed, utterly scandalized in the way that only Jin can sound. “It is mahogany Yoongi.”

Hobi writes on your thigh, a single tear trailing down his nose. He’s usually a little bit better at keeping himself together but the stress of the day wore him through. Polished all of his usually stubborn edges like the ocean polishes sea glass. He’s too tired to properly argue. Letter by letter as he goes.

“P-R-O-M-I-S-E M-E,” he writes across your thigh.

You have maybe a second before they’re upon you. You have to be convincing. Have to, or else Hobi might tell. You don’t think he’ll get in your way. You don’t want to think about what you’ll have to do if he does.

You dart forward, pressing your lips to his in a way that you don’t really feel, in a way that has him pushing you a little off of him. Trying to reassure him in the only way you know how.

You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from crying and he tucks a lock of your hair behind your ear. His fingertips skimming soft across your jaw and your lips. Pressing at the corner of your sad smile like he can peel the fake expression away from your face and have you tell the truth for once.

“I promise, okay? I promise.”

Hoseok is not convinced. He doesn’t believe you all the way. But the pack is up here before he has a chance to write out anything more. Yoongi appears in the doorway, smelling of soap and bleach, a bit of it turning the corner of his shirt yellow where it should be black. His eyes cautious but so loving it takes your breath away a little. He treads softly over to the two of you; like he's worried about spooking you.

The moment between you and Hobi passes when Yoongi's hand curls over the back of your neck and you tilt your face up at him. And he interprets the glassiness there as something else. something more sensitive and more like omegaspace than what it is. you falling through space and time, you dying and drowning infront of him.

He probably thinks Hoseok was just comforting you.

Yoongi’s hand settles softly on the ball of Hoseok’s shoulder too. an equally as tender touch. Long fingers splaying against his collar bones, cradling a bruise there forming. Asking softly, eyes all dark with the anguish and apology of it-

“Do you think either of you can stomach dinner?”

As always, you say you can hot because you want to, but because you know it will make him happy to see you eat. You might not get many more opportunities to make Yoongi happy- you should take this one and savor it.

Yoongi loses that vaguely wounded look in his eyes with every bite you lift to your mouth. His scent sublimating into something sweeter as the night darkens and quiets.

You can tell Hoseok is not convinced of your promises when he stays glued to your side through the whole of dinner. Almost stubborn with how he resists Yoongi’s prodding and Namjoon's. Changing out the cool dressings on his throat and shaking his head at Namjoon’s suggestion that he sleep propped up against the back wall of the nest, where it’s safest. Eyes tracking your movements as you get up and brush your teeth.

His focus remains solely on you, even when Jungkook carries Tae out of the bathroom and places her among the softest things in the nest. When Noodle squirms his way out from under the bed and tries to worm himself in between his legs. Nudging under his elbow with his pink nose.

He wraps himself around you as you get ready for bed. An arm slung protectively around your waist to pull you flush against his front where you couldn’t squirm away without him feeling it and waking up.

It feels like buying time even though you're too distracted to properly enjoy it- the way they try to cheer you up. Everything that they do to try and make things better feels far away like a photograph- a memory just out of reach- the colors a little off.

Jungkook needily wraps himself around Tae and croons soft reassurance into her ear about how pretty her hair looks, how soft her pajamas make her. And would she like some of her skincare routine? Jungkook will do it for her, will pat it across her cheeks, and won't drag it under her eyes to preserve the state of her wrinkles.

Tae answers all his requests with a simple shake of her head. Eyes still frighteningly blank, that 1000-yard stare that you've all seen on your faces at one point or another, that you see in the reflective surface of Namjoon's phone in the nest, discarded and not charged.

Tae's scent is something awful- none of her usual roses and all cinnamon. Does Tae smell more like her old self because that version of her was always afraid? Or was being a boy the first thing she hated and that's why she smells like boy tae now?

You hate it. You can tell the others hate it too. Yoongi drags her close to scent her silly. cheek and neck going all pink from how hard he scents her, and then scents you, and then goes back again.

Jungkook can do little more than cuddle Tae with Jimin, his big hands smooth down her thighs, while Jimin brushes her hair gently- careful not to let the bristles brush her scalp. He's learned how to take care of her over the last few months and he's the gentlest when it comes to detangling. Not like you- who's so used to ripping through your hair without thought.

Up and down their hands go as Jin fluffs the nest around you all. Making the edges of it higher, and more protective of the fragile pups at the center (like fluffy duvets could ever block bullets. In his dreams- Jin’s love is enough to keep you all safe).

Yoongi and Namjoon are only too happy to oblige him with the nest-making and the general fussing. But in between Jin’s request for a hairdryer and another cold cloth for your hands. You catch them watching the door like they half expect some new threat to appear.

Certain things are harder to ignore; like Yoongi sitting on the edge of the nest with a gun balanced across his thigh. Or the heavy thud of a fresh box of bullets, rattling in their acrylic case when Jimin sets them down on the floor. The red shotgun casings lined up in pretty lines- just like Tae’s lipsticks downstairs.

You ask for one of Hobi's sweatshirts and Yoongi puts the gun away to go and give it to you. Hoseok fingers the edge of your shirt stroking over the meat of your hip idly. But every inch of him is taught like he’s going to have to grab you and hold you down. You lace your hand with his and turn to give him a look.

Yoongi’s back with a sweatshirt but it’s Jin who demands to dress you- to guide your fragile and freshly wrapped hands through the holes. Jin pulls it down around your hips with a soft huff before he gets distracted looking at the bruises on your back and side. From getting thrown back into the wall and from an errant elbow. Every time you twist even a little bit- they ache.

A tub of soothing cream that the pack usually uses for the more wanted kind of bruises sits open on the edge of the nest.

The pack moves about in pairs, here and there. Going down to the ground floor in sets of two. Unwilling to let anyone out of sight. There are guns everywhere, Jimin must have let loose his hidden stash of them. A shotgun leans up against the bathroom door. A handgun with an extended stock is always close at hand. There's a larger plan lingering here. You hear it in Jin's soft reassurances. Said hushed over your heads.

"Witness protection isn't as bad as you think it is Yoongi-"

"It won't work- don't you think we know how it works? That won't be safe enough."

"We have at least a few hours, we don't need to make any decisions now."

Jungkook’s scared voice, “Are we really going to have the leave? The house and everything?” A pause. A look is shared between Jin, Namjoon, and Yoongi. Jimin's eyes remain focused on Tae.

“Maybe bunny, we have to wait and see.”

“Do we have a carrying case for Noodle?”

“I think it’s in…” Yoongi trails off, but Namjoon answers for him.

“Yeah, it’s in the basement.”

They set about keeping watch for the night. those of you that aren't nursing wounds that is- mainly Jimin, Yoongi, and Namjoon- Guns remain at the ready and loaded. Jimin will go first, Yoongi second, and Namjoon last.

Jin tries but Namjoon nudges at his chest and growls in a way that has all of your ears perking up. The pack alpha’s commands can’t easily be ignored. Jungkook tries too to convince them too but even Hoseok shakes his head at him. No one is under any illusions of how fragile this peace is.

No one asks Namjoon to leave the Christmas lights on- but he doesn’t shut them off all the way- leaving just one string lit as a bit of a nightlight. None of you are quite brave enough to risk the darkness.

Hoseok stays close by, his hand clutching your wrist more often than not. Even when the pack settles in for sleep. He wraps his arm around your waist and settles in behind you, caging you in.

(Hoseok’s arms are not the prettiest cage you’ve ever been in but they are the cage you’ve liked the most. You think you’ll miss his arms and his hands. They’re so pretty and long, you lean down and kiss one where it’s gripping the nest and he makes a small noise in surprise that quickly gets swallowed by the hungry quiet.)

The quiet is very hungry, every brush of fabric against skin, every slight movement of the pack sets you a bit on edge. You think it will be hard to sleep- wound up as you are.

You don’t think you're even tired until your head hits the pillow and you have to struggle to stay awake. You want to stay up and listen to the sound of your pack, their soft and measured breathing, the sound of kisses shared above your head, the feel and safety of being in the nest. You want to commit the rhythm of them to memory.

Hoseok’s soft rasping breath on the nape of your neck evens out the more that his swelling goes down. It goes from hissing to more of a squeak as the night settles. Tae shakes through her aforementioned panic attack with all of you piled around her. You get your hand on her ankle at least.

Yoongi and Jimin’s shushing is the only punctuating sound in the half-light. Because what can you say besides sweet nothings when you know she has a perfectly valid reason to fear falling asleep?

You savor every little twitch of their trauma-worn bodies as you flit in and out of an uneasy sleep. Every slight sigh and hand on you rousing you. Jungkook, brushing his fingers through your hair. Hobi, pressed along your back like a second skin shifting and trying to tilt his neck to a more comfortable angle.

You get too hot with Hobi wrapped around you like that, eventually tugging at his sweatshirt that you wear and almost purring when kind gentle hands help detangle you from it with a soothing little shush sound so that you hardly have to wake. Yoongi, around midnight.

Yoongi’s thin but strong fingers rub a soothing touch along your jaw. Soothing away a small sad noise you make that has him curling around your front. The sound of Namjoon's low voice as he says something to your mate and then takes his place at the helm of the nest to stand guard.

“It’s okay pup, I’m here- I’m not going to let anything happen to you- not now- not ever.”

It’s unfortunate, but Namjoon can’t let Tae sleep for more than half an hour before checking her pupillary responses, making sure that her brain isn’t swelling. Concussions are no joke and Namjoon does not take chances with his prettiest alpha. He sends her back off to dreamland with a comforting scent mark and a soothing grumble. After the 5th hour when the risks turn nominal, he decides to just let her sleep.

But Hoseok doesn’t sleep, he can’t really. The pain keeps him awake and what with the way that his neck is injured he can’t find a comfortable position. He shifts and settles the whole night. Keeping you close with that arm around your waist every time you squirm so much as an inch away.

He’s restless until Namjoon gets up to get one of Jimin’s painkillers.

He’s resistant even then, half asleep still fighting. Trying to move away and shaking his head at Namjoon. Namjoon mistakes his unwillingness for simple fussiness and not for fear. If Hobi falls asleep it will be substantially easier to slip away- you watch from below as Namjoon props hobi up and pinches his jaw to make him open his mouth, encouraging the alpha to show his tongue with a prod of those gentle hands. His eyes are barely open, exhausted as he is.

“I know it hurts to swallow Hobi but you’ve got too.” Regardless of his shaken head, Namjoon insistently nudges his mouth with it. Soothing his gag with a stroke of his thumb down Hoseok’s Addams apple. A kiss to his lips for being good.

“This will help the swelling go down, you’ll be okay by morning.”

It’s minutes before they take effect. Slowly- Hoseok’s arm melts away from your stomach. His grip on you slackens from the drugs and his breath evens out. You say a quiet goodbye to him in your head and turn around to face him and kiss his forehead.

At least the last time you touch, it’s soft like that. At least the last time you touch him- it’s gentle.

Yoongi, Jimin, and Namjoon trade-off. A gun shared between the two of them. Perched on the edge of the nest. Eyes on the vacant stairway Infront of them. Listening for every creek and whisper met with a held breath and hand tightening around the gun. Waiting for the violence that you can all feel coming.

You won’t let it hit them; you won’t let it into this house again. Not while you’re still breathing.

When you're sure that Hobi is asleep you roll onto your back and stare up at the Christmas lights twinkling in the dark. You remember watching Jungkook hang them for you. You remember. You'll always try to remember; you promise yourself right then and there that you'll never let the memory slip away. No matter what happens.

You look over at Kookie, face so peaceful in sleep, a pillow hugged to his chest belly down in the nest, cheek squished close to the top of Yoongi's head on your other side. His back rising and falling.

Jungkook has always been a pretty omega. You reach over to him to stroke down the stiff bridge of his nose, to commit his face to memory. When you turn back to Hobi, you do the same, touching across the heart shape of his mouth, the subtle roundness in his cheeks everything. You look around at all of them- your pack, sleeping softly- sleeping safely. Namjoon's wide back, his shoulders that could hold the world up. Unaware that you're watching him.

You’ll remember all of it, every car ride, every trip to the beach. Every joke and jab. You’ll store each of the memories like a found thing in your pocket. A piece of seashell or sea glass.

You’ll take Jungkook’s laughter and store it- a memory to use when you need to remember that it’s okay to be young for a minute more. When you need to look after yourself you’ll remember how Jin did it and follow his example. And when you need to rest and be soft you'll remember yoongi. You’ll remember Tae like a tube of lipstick and see her every day in the color pink. And Jimin-

Jimin has a hard time sleeping. Even when Namjoon takes the last shift. He sleeps with one hand on a gun, spaced protectively in front of Tae. His bad arm unfolded from his sling. Putting his body between her and the staircase. Namjoon’s heart pulses dully with the knowledge of that when he glances back, just to check and make sure that Tae and Hobi are still breathing. You hide your open eyes from him when he turns, going extra still and feigning sleep.

Namjoon tamps down on his instincts; the last thing he wants is for his scent to go sour and possibly rouse them. But in the quiet, Namjoon's mind has too much room to fan out and overanalyze. Panic is a particularly alluring drug, his mind festers in it. Rolling around in bad ideas the way that Noodle would roll around in a puddle of catnip.

If he got the pack together, put you all in cars, and drove you far far away from here would that be enough to keep you all safe from harm? Or would that only be temporary? Is temporary safety worse when you know what you have to come back to? Or should he just try to talk to these people, barter with them something. Would money be enough? How much wouldn't Namjoon give?

You are dreadfully similar to him. Only his planning stays in its infancy stage.

It isn’t all silent. Noises punctuate the night here and there. Namjoon is so on edge that he all but snaps his teeth at the shadows. An alpha on alert.

Namjoon’s ears perk up at every car that dares to drive by your narrow street, the neighbor two houses to the left who leaves for work in the city at 4:05 every morning, right on time. Noodle and the sound of his scrabbly little paws on the stairs, zooming up and down them until Namjoon gets up to scruff him too.

Your freaking cat does not like Namjoon on a normal day, he's only ever loved you and Hobi and tolerated Tae and Jungkook- condemning all the rest to hisses and claws, but Noodle settles with Namjoon's hand on the back of his neck. "See, that wasn't too hard was it?"

Noodle gives one last half-hearted hiss as Namjoon places him gently in the nest where he stays put after curled up around Tae’s head like a fluffy little hat. Purring and licking at her forehead. All but taunting Namjoon with his yellow eyes. Flinty and knowing in the darkness. Bushy tail flailing every time the alpha glances back.

You think you’re being quiet when you push yourself up onto your hands and knees. Untangling Hobi’s arm from around your waist and pulling yourself to the edge of the bed. He's out cold from the painkillers. Barely even stirring.

Noodle stirs however, darting from the nest with a small murr sound as if to say, "see- she's awake so why can't I be?" Tail raised high as he prances to the doorway.

You look striking in the half darkness, a pair of Yoongi’s green flannel pajama pants rolled up several times to fit properly around your hips. A thin white tank top that's almost falling down one shoulder. Namjoon’s heart pulses dully with the need to hold, the need to protect. He makes a soft noise in his throat and your head jerks in his direction.

You swallow, and your lips look dry, eyes glassy and innocent in their tilt when your mussed hair fluffs over your shoulder. Messy from where Hobi was nuzzling it in his sleep.

“I was just getting a glass of water.”

Namjoon wordlessly holds his hand out to help you get out of the nest without teetering or disturbing the others. Noodle dashes back down the stairs with a soft meow. Tae sighs and re-settles, smacking her lips and Jimin’s arm tightens. Your mate turns face up in the nest, chest rising and falling, mouth opening like he can taste your scent on the air.

Namjoon doesn't doubt he can, honed in on you and focused as he always is.

Namjoon doesn’t let go of your hand when your feet find the smooth floor. Instead, he checks the wounds on your hands and verifies that they’re clotting. The margins slotted together properly for minimal scarring (he'd redone the glue-suture after your shower with only gentle scolding). He presses a kiss to the bandages after they're re-fastened. Letting his lips linger there for a second.

Namjoon has always had big hands, warm and steadying as they cradle yours. Small and chapped and scarred.

Instead of continuing on downstairs, you linger for a second by Namjoon’s side. Eating up every breath he breathes, his scent, and the comfort of having him nearby. Something you know you won’t have forever. (Somehow- you know that this will be the last time that Namjoon holds you. You can wait one minute more. You can give him one more minute). He sets the gun to the side and pulls you between his legs.

“Joonie?” You ask.

Your pack alpha wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles forward, rubbing his spiky head across your midriff. Nose nudging the dimple of your belly button and the slight pudge there with a quiet happy growl.

Namjoon will never not be happy that he can see the evidence of the pack’s love on you. Will never not feel proud of you and how far you've come. He nuzzles, resisting the temptation to bite and nip with a breath let out through clenched teeth.

Namjoon feels your quiet laugh against his cheek. Your warm soft skin swelling with laughter. Namjoon’s face is blushing red when he pulls back to look at you in the darkness. Corralled in the safe circle of his arms, fingers digging into your hips and squeezing.

“What are you doing alpha?”

“Just thinking- just-” Namjoon’s voice gets so much lower in the nighttime, it's a gravely growl. A sound that paints pictures of lightning and clouds hovering low like a blanket.

“When all of this is over, I want to go somewhere new.” Namjoon's hands tighten on your waist. fingers pressing to either side of your spine, thumbs sitting on the soft bones of your hips. “-With you. Just you. Just the two of us. Maybe.” Namjoon fights back a fresh blush at the confused cock of your head. “Maybe- like- a fancy Airbnb? Or something? Would that be fun? Would you like that?”

You pause, humming. Indulging Namjoon in this as he holds you, fingers rubbing endlessly up and down the sensitive small of your back. Eyes wide and imploring like a child.

You're only too happy to forget for a second and imagine. What would happen if you didn’t leave tonight? What would happen if you found some way out of this?

It’s easy to go further than just thinking about a simple weekend getaway. You Imagine far into the future; a day that you'll never see. A future with Namjoon and the pack. It hits you with such a profound heartache when you think it that you half expect to look down and see your white tank top speckled with blood. The ache so keen and visceral but-

Namjoon would be a good father.

He’d be kind and patient. He’d never snap. He’d never yell. For a moment that’s all you want to think about- not a stupid weekend but a lifetime. A family. A world where you’re never yelled at, where you don't have to be afraid, where nothing is hard, and even if it’s hard you do it together.

If you had pups, you know Namjoon would treat every skinned knee like it was surgery. Would never tell them to walk it off or say it wasn’t that bad. You know that he’d go through every tea party with gusto and stay up late to help them with their homework. That he’d struggle to say no but that you might never need to. It would be lovely- getting to give something small and innocent so much safety. It would be nice to have pups with Namjoon.

You can’t say you don’t want it, but you know in that moment that you won't get it. You'll never get to see Namjoon be a father- even if the pups aren't yours or are just his and Jin's. You’d love them all the same. What use is it to Imagine things that you’ll never get? What good are dreams like this but to tease you, just out of reach.

Namjoon nuzzles into your stomach again. His nose drawing soft circles just under your belly button.

You’d be a shit mother anyway. Too fragile. Too nervous. Too hurt. Too much of everything. You'd fuck them up just by being you. You'd fuck them up the same way you've fucked up this perfectly good pack. You've brought nothing but destruction upon them. The evidence of your wreckage is everywhere. The bullets in the ceiling, the blown apart door. Your hands and Hobi's throat. All of this is because of you.

You snap back to the present, swallowing down the lump in your throat. You’re gnawing at your own leg to survive. All things that bite cannot resist it. What good does hope do at the end other than to hurt?

You can't resist asking Namjoon for more, curled around you like a protective barrier to keep out all the world's hurts (or to keep you in).

“If we went? Where would we go? If we made it- What would it be like Joonie?”

Namjoon rests his chin on your belly button and looks up at you. Completely unaware of the longing tearing its way through you, of what you’re thinking about. Not just one trip or one year, but ten or twenty or thirty.

“Maybe south, to see the cherry blossoms?”

“We couldn’t go, not without Tae- cuz of the pink, and Hobi- cuz of the flowers”

Namjoon nods, agreeing. “Yeah- she does really like anything that’s pink.” There is a Tae-shaped smile on his face, you can feel it stretching your lips too. But he shakes it off, head bowed before you. Eyes closed against the image.

“Still, somewhere safe and quiet just for us, just for you and I to take a deep breath and-” Namjoon trails off, looking up at you. His eyes sparkle with the idea of it, all the little moments he’s picturing.

A private morning where he wakes up to just you. Where you hog his warm spot and his pillow in the chilly spring air. Your cold toes pressed to his shins with nothing to do but appreciate each other and take your loving slow and intentional. Your body and his body and all the space and laughter that you want in between. An idyllic picture of two young people quietly in love. Gently in it.

After almost losing all of it, he wants the chance to properly appreciate you one-on-one. The others too- but they’re asleep, and sleeping vessels cannot reply to Namjoon’s daydreams. You are the only one awake.

(In Namjoon's fantasy, he'll give each of his packmates a different trip. every one of them even if it's just the ones he's recently almost lost that have him thinking of these particular plans.

Hobi would want just a day trip. Namjoon knows the alpha doesn’t really like to be separated from the pack for all that long, a few hours sure. Maybe to some vintage stores that he’s been eyeing to the city or the botanical garden.

Seokjin he’d take somewhere grand and big and full of adventure, maybe to 6 Flags or something. Jin likes to be reminded that he’s allowed to be a kid again, that he doesn’t always have to look after everyone all the time. That he has Namjoon to lean on.

Tae, he’d take somewhere gilded just as she is, like teatime at the Ritz- or maybe abroad to the castle of Versailles. The hall of mirrors and a million pictures of Tae in pretty dresses, twirling. In Namjoon’s head- he watches her turn and flutter slowly like a top. Spinning and spinning).

But none of that is quite your style. You don't really crave outings or adrenaline or gilded things. Your wants are much more simple maybe- because you've always known how priceless quiet and peace is. Gentleness is all you've ever really wanted- not excitement or acclaim or ego.

“A little cabin somewhere in the mountains, a spot for just us. We wouldn’t even have to do anything, A staycation. A night or two.” As the world spins on, you are who Namjoon craves to be still with.

You swallow hard, lingering, still half leaning over him still. Letting him nose at your jaw and purr.

“That would be so nice Joonie."

You swallow, throat thick with something. You lean forward pressing a kiss- too brief, to his lips, Namjoon’s lips part and he breathes gently. You blink back the glassiness in your eye and hope that Namjoon dismisses it as the light from the moon streaming through one of the skylights. All white and black. Wrenching you through something that feels like film. You commit the feel of him and the sound of his voice to memory and then pull back.

“I really need to get a glass of water.”

Namjoon shifts to get up, to come with you, but you just laugh at him and push at his shoulder, he flops back onto the bed.

“I can go on my own Joonie.” He grumbles but stays put. Nosing at the goosebumps on your arms and leaning to retrieve Hobi’s sweatshirt from where you left it in the nest. It smells like sleeping pups and Jin. Milky and soft and safe. Namjoon’s body shivers happily when he sees you put it on.

You squirm out from between his legs. His palm stays wrapped around the tips of your fingers. They slide out of his a little, and then all the way.

“It’s not safe.” You heave a tired sigh, what he thinks is a tired sigh but is actually you trying your hardest not to cry. You lean over him to grab the gun from where it’s rested against the nesting barrier. Getting your phone while you’re at it and sliding it into the pocket of your sweatshirt.

“Is that better?” Namjoon grumbles but still lets you go. Sitting there on the edge of your nest and guarding the others. You look back at him from the top of the stairs and smile.

The house is quiet, with no creeks on the stairs and no winds blowing across the roof. No sound at all in the house beyond your quiet footsteps that Namjoon listens to as you go down the stairs.

Feeling every second of your distance like the sluggish beat of his heart, thump thump thump. Namjoon looks back to look at his pack. Their bodies curled and resting, so gentle in sleep. After a few minutes, there are footsteps on the stairs, small soft ones.

Thump.

“They’re so beautiful” Namjoon comments to you. Waiting for reply.

The silence gnashes its teeth, still hungry.

When Namjoon turns back, it’s not you standing at the top of the stairs- just Noodle with his tail raised high. His yellow eyes glow almost florescent in the darkness, meowing and hissing so loud it might wake the others.

“Noodle, quiet.” The cat just doesn’t quit, batting at Namjoon’s ankles, claws and all. “Noodle- hush.” He scoops up the fussy cat, but Namjoon’s only reward is some claws to his forearms and some more squirming.

Downstairs, he hears a sound that makes him pause. Instincts going from at peace to on edge.

Thump

The front door opens and closes softly with a soft click of the metal doorknob.

Thump

Namjoon goes to the top of the stairs, holding Noodle in his arms before the cat squirms and falls to the floor with a thud. “Pup?” he calls, hushed. You don’t respond. Only silence greets him, sated at last.

Thump, breath, thud.

Namjoon waits a moment, listening for a response that doesn't come before he goes down the stairs, Noodle nearly trips him on the way down, hissing and pacing back and forth in front of the door. The ground floor of the house is completely absent of you- absent of anyone friend or foe. The room is soaked in the blue darkness of morning that is not quite dawn. The white countertops are unassuming and the plates stay in their places.

Thud.

The couch still has its dark spot from where Jin cleaned it. The tangerines are safely in the bowl back on the counter shining like several small suns or planets. Everything is empty empty empty.

Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud

Namjoon checks the shoe rack. Your sneakers are missing, the same ones that match Hobi's and usually sit side by side with his. The spot where they should be empty.

Thud

Your wallet is missing from the bowl just inside the door.

Thud

Namjoon looks out onto the street and finds it empty.

Thud thud thud

Namjoon does not panic, Namjoon does not head out onto the street and chase you down- maybe he should have. He should have done any number of things. The sun is just barely rising turning the sky into that honey blue-green color and Namjoon just stands there and stares.

Namjoon is frozen. What kind of alpha is he- why kind of alpha freezes instead of fights or flights?

Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud

A few minutes pass and something must tip off the packmates upstairs- either the empty nest or the sound of Noodle yowling and quite literally trying to bite Yoongi's ear off.

The next thing Namjoon is aware of is Yoongi is on the stairs, looking pissed off, looking terrified. almost falling down them with the speed at which he descends.

He takes the stairs down two at a time, colliding with Namjoon at the bottom of them. He looks like a puffed-up cat, hair wild and eyes equally as glaring as Noodles when he shakes Namjoon, just a little. “Where is she? Namjoon? Where did she go? Where is my mate!?"

Is it Yoongi's scent- acrid and angry- that knocks him out of his stupor? Or is it the top of his ruffled head almost colliding with the bottom of Namjoon’s jaw when the beta shakes him again.

Namjoon stutters, panic making him inarticulate. So scared he repeats it twice. "I don't know- I don't know, I- she said she was just getting a glass of water. I swear-"

Yoongi's fists tangle in the front of Namjoon's shirt. He sounds sick with it. Voice twisting in pitch.

"You were supposed to keep an eye on her- you weren't supposed to let her out of your fucking sight.”

There are other people on the stairs, roused by the sound of raised voices. A lone light flicked on sends everyone into yellow chiaroscuro. Namjoon is still staring at the street, heart thundering quicker than your footsteps as you run. The streetlights wink out behind you as you go. Fleeing with the night and bowing under the weight of oncoming daylight. Running as fast as your body can carry you.

Could he catch up if he started running now?

It's Jungkook, his dark hair pushed up at the side where it rested against the nest, who asks, “What happened?What’s going on?”

Tae’s eyes dart between Yoongi and Namjoon, her pink silk dressing gown wrapped tight around her shoulders. “Where’s the pup?”

"Yeah Namjoon, where the fuck is my mate??" Yoongi grits his teeth, shaking Namjoon so hard it almost knocks him off his feet and sends him careening a little into the narrow dresser table that the pack keeps by the door for gloves and mittens and keys and wallets.

“I don’t know, I don’t-"

Jungkook and Tae have just spilled out from the stairs into the entryway when Yoongi’s hands hit his shoulders, pushing and then digging into Namjoon’s skin. He’s shaking so hard he can hardly speak.

“You were supposed to be watching her. You were supposed to make sure she was safe-”

“Yoongi- hey- Stop” Tae’s not shaking anymore when gets her hands on his shoulders pulling him away from namjoon where he simmers. Jin is still asleep upstairs. Hasn’t been roused by all the tense voices. Too tired from yesterday- from staying up to scrub blood with Yoongi.

Jungkook skitters to the door as Jimin and hobi descend the steps. nearly bouncing on his heels as he opens the front door letting in a gush of cold air. “What are we waiting for? lets go."

Yoongi's face crumples. “I don’t get it, where did she go- why would she have-”

Hoseok swallows but talks softly, the swelling’s gone down enough even though the bruises look a million times worst in the sunlight streaming through the window. It’s not even 6am yet. His soft hiss is gentle, but the pack pauses to hear it.

“A deal- I think she made a deal.”

It's the first words he’s been able to speak since the attack. Vocal cords straining with every word. Everyone quiets to listen to Hobi. Jimin’s got the shotgun in his hands. He leans it up against the doorway. The heavy thunk punctuates the shocked quiet- but hobi continues.

“When the man was here- she tried to barter our lives with hers." Everyone looks to Tae. And her eyes lower to the floor.

“She did say that but I didn’t think she was serious, I just thought-”

The conversation is a flurry, everyone talking over each other as conversation explodes. Yoongi's face twists from devastated to enraged. “Jesus fucking Christ- that stupid stupid-”

Jungkook clings to Jimin's t-shirt, “What are we going to do? Hyung- what should we-”

Jimin hasn't spoken a word yet, and softly draws Jungkook's hands away from his shirt. “Where would she even have even gone?"

“Did someone pick her up?” Hobi’s words seem to ring out, even though his voice is so fragile.

Namjoon shakes his head. “No- I was listening, I didn’t hear any car in the road- not for like the whole hour.”

“So, you were listening enough to hear the street but not to stop her from literally walking away from us, great. Good to know Namjoon.”

“Yoongi that is like- the opposite of helpful.”

“There's still the matter of where would she have gone. She didn't take a car-” Hoseok looks up in Tae’s direction. She sees the realization light across his face.

“Hobi?”

But Hoseok ignores her, lurching to the small cabinet by the front door; the pack’s drop-off points for their keys, their wallets and your fuzzy little purse from your first ever date with jimin and tae as well as a good slice of Tae’s collection of little red pocketbooks. They keep their things this way because Namjoon loses his keys at least once a month a nd having a communal spot always helps the general disorder of having 8 people live in one house.

Hoseok scrambles not for your wallet but for his.

He reaches for his wallet. Opening it and searching but-

The train ticket is gone.

Your train ticket- the one that you gave Hobi for safekeeping so many months ago is missing from where he usually keeps it in the last slot. Right next to that folded poem of Tae's and an old gift card. In its place is just a simple folded note, a new piece of paper that hasn’t been worn soft at the edges yet. Torn from the same pad of paper that Jin writes the grocery list on. Hoseok’s hands shake as they fish it out. 5 words that aren’t nearly enough.

I’m sorry, I love you.

You’d never told him that- that you loved him. Not after you’d had sex and he’d confessed. Not in the tangle of moments that followed with Jimin bloody and the pack breaking. You’d never spilled your heart to him that way. In the back of his head, he realizes that there just hadn’t been time.

This is the first time you’ve told Hoseok you love him and maybe the last. Hoseok’s heart beats quick. She loves me. Thump. She loves me. Thump. She loves-

Hoseok shoots off like a bullet out the open door, thundering across the porch slats. Too fast for the rest of the sleepy pack to properly anticipate and follow. Peering out after him, a little sluggish and a lot shocked. His socks skid and slip as he tries to arrest his momentum and almost falls as He doubles back for his shoes.

The rest of the pack stares down at him blankly as he tugs them on, sprawled there on the floor just outside the door. Hands shaking too much for bunny-eared loops. He doesn’t even bother to lace them before he’s lunging for his car keys in the bowl too. Nearly knocking over the table in his haste.

“The train station- she’s going to the train station.” He gasps.

The words you shared that night ring in his head, playing on repeat. Like a record that’s been scratched too many times. He’s replayed those moments too many times. He’s not sure if he remembers it correctly.

“Give me one chance, let me try to convince you to stay and if I can’t- then I’ll let you go, and I won’t tell Yoongi what train you took.”

The countless times you’d joked with him after that, the moment so light that Hoseok didn’t notice the weight behind them.

“You still got that train ticket?”

“Of course I do.”

Hoseok never thought that you’d use it. He thought that the ticket would have stayed frayed and pretty in his wallet until you framed it or something. Until you could look back on it and laugh and say things like “remember that night? Remember how it used to be before we loved each other?”

“No, I don’t, can you remind me?”

This is not that, this is not the future that Hoseok had imagined for the two of you. This abject terror. Suddenly Hoseok is unmoored, suddenly he is falling. Usually, you can see the end from a mile away. Is it worse if you lose the person you love because of circumstance or because they decide to leave on their own? Hoseok never thought you'd actually do it.

Hoseok thought your promise last night meant something. Later when he’s not so scared he’ll remember that he’s angry about that.

The rest of the pack explodes too. Jungkook doesn’t bother to put on his shoes- just heaves Hobi up by his shoulders and pushes him towards his car. Yoongi snatches both of their pairs from the floor and joins them. Cold feet on the small pea-gravel driveway. Jimin darts forward wrenching off his arm sling regardless of Namjoon’s protests.

“I’ll drive” Jimin doesn’t have to wrestle with Hoseok’s keys for long. Even with his hands numb Jimin is still the best driver. He won’t pull corners or care about hitting curbs. He reeves it with a roaring purr while the rest get in and looks at Tae in the rearview mirror. Standing on the porch looking breakable and not all there still. Her eyes on his have that same peculiar weight, the same weight that makes Jimin’s blood sing with purpose.

If there was ever someone that Tae needed, it was you. Not Jimin. He will haul you back from the edge of hell if he needs to, for her. because this is not the ending that you and tae deserve. Jimin will tear you from hell. Teeth and sin and all.

Jungkook has barely shut the door before Jimin peals out, reversing until the tires screech against the asphalt and leave dark lines in their wake. Tire tracks, strings of fate, shoelaces. He shoots off down the street and out of sight, knocking over a trash bin with a clang and leaving Tae and Namjoon back on the porch.

Hoseok knows the name of the station you were most likely to go to but not how to get to it. It's an 15 minute walk, maybe a 10 minute run and it's already been 8 since you left. Jimin points his car in the direction of the main road while he pulls it up on his cell phone.

With every sharp turn Yoongi and Jungkook slosh in the back seat and hit into each other. Some early morning commuter honks his horn at Jimin but he doesn’t even see them. The scenery flickering by and the asphalt melting away underneath the wheels of Hoseok’s red car. The small grey towns melt away, Break lights bleeding less than they should. The engine stutters and engages but no one cares about the uneven acceleration. Hoseok would total this car in a heartbeat if it meant getting you in time.

At the straightaway Jungkook stoops to slip his feet into his shoes, Yoongi holding his shoulder. The phone in between them slides on the leather seat, spitting out its electronic voice, overly cheerful.

"Re-routing!"

“Wait Minnie- go left.”

“Fuck!” Jimin makes the turn just barely, sparks skittering and burning out as he goes over one of those tiny reflective dividers. Hoseok curses every pothole for damaging their momentum and slowing them down.

“Are you sure? Are you sure that it’s this station that she'd go to?” Hoseok’s heart is thundering in his ears, beating furious and fast.

“Almost positive.” Yoongi holds onto the back of Hoseok’s chair to keep himself in place.

“We have to get to her before she gets to the city. Can’t you go any faster?” Jimin jerks the wheel around a flashy BMW. Almost hitting them with how close he gets. Jimin lets the speedometer answer Yoongi's question. Pushing 60 in a 35 and then 70.

Your note is crumpled tight in Hoseok's fist, a tiny bit of yellow paper that he unfolds and looks at before shoving deep within the confines of his jacket.

Yoongi is not looking at hoseok when he says his next sentence. Hoseok's not even thinking about his old pack, he's just thinking about the fact that you love him and he never got to hear you say it. Not when Yoongi pulls himself almost between his and Jimin’s seat and repeats the same to Jimin again, the same only different.

Thud.

“We have to get to her before Moonbyul does, if she gets to her- I don't know what I'll be able to do Minnie- even with the power that I have Moonbyul still has more-”

Hobi’s flinch is visceral, jerking like he's shocked.

He turns around to look at Yoongi as Jimin blows through a stop sign and then a red light. Jungkook winces and doesn’t say anything. Pushing Yoongi’s shoes across the seat. “Hyung- you should get ready to run.”

Hoseok and Yoongi look at each other. Hoseok's turned almost all the way around in his seat to stare at Yoongi- more specifically Yoongi’s mouth. He’s not sure if Jimin’s painkillers would make him hallucinate but that’s the only logical reason his brain can come up with after hearing that name- her name- come out of Yoongi’s mouth.

“What?"

Jimin's voice is deathly quiet. "Hoseok- turn the fuck around. If I get into an accident at this speed you will die if you're not facing forward to the airbag."

Hoseok turns back to face the road. Jimin grips the wheel so hard his knuckles are white. “Thank you.”

The sunlight is just cresting the tops of the trees. Dotting the scenery blue and yellow. Hoseok’s ears are ringing with her name.

Yoongi pulls himself closer to Hoseok, hands still gripping the headrest, the only thing that keeps him from bobbing and moving with the movement of the car. Eyes locked on Hoseok's face in the rearview mirror.

"I said something- I said something and you're having a thought."

"I fucking hope so-" Jungkook's quip goes unnoticed. Unnoticed through the volley of honking horns as the red car tares through the street. By some miracle, they haven’t passed a cop car yet.

Hoseok looks in the rearview mirror, at Yoongi’s face. Biting his lower lip. “It’s nothing just that name.”

Hoseok looks at Yoongi and all he can think about is how he'd never said- he'd never told Yoongi their names. Saying them or even thinking them reminds Hoseok too much of his own begging. What kind of alpha begs for an omega to hurt them- to stay?

Yoongi just about puts himself in the front seat of the car as Jimin breaks hard to navigate around a tractor-trailer. Riding on the shoulder, the rumble strips vibrating all of them hard and roaring just like Hoseok’s blood thundering through his ears.

“Moonbyul? Moon Byul-yi? You know it?”

Hoseok shivers, the reaction of his body route, unavoidable. Jarring. Trauma builds itself into your bones whether you like it or not. Triggers are not so much a part of you as they are a light switch that makes the worst parts of you turn on.

"Yeah- I do. It’s the name of my ex-pack omega.” Now it’s Jimin’s turn to be distracted, and he almost gets into an accident for his troubles. They’re silent for a second, Yoongi and Jimin look at each other.

“It could be the same name.”

Yoongi scrambles for his phone on the seat right as Jimin makes a turn and it goes flying. He finds it underneath Hoseok’s seat, hands slippery with sweat on it.

“Hang on, I think I have a picture of her somewhere.”

Yoongi scrolls all the way to the back in his phone. Switches to Instagram, going back and back and back through time, and then he's sticking it in Hoseok's face.

Seeing her face feels like Yoongi’s slapped him. Her face is on Yoongi's phone. Why is her face on Yoongi’s phone? Her hair is longer than it was when they dated, she must not have cut it since. But it's definitely her.

Hoseok feels like he's spinning, it's been so long since he's seen her face but it's definitely the one from his nightmares, the one he sees grinning and crooning false praises that have stuck to Hoseok's soul like glue. The face that he sees behind his eyes and sees in every criticizing comment only on his bad days. She's standing shoulder to shoulder with Yoongi, both of them in black suits along with a man that looks enough like Yoongi for him to guess that that's his brother, your ex-husband.

Your abuser and his and Yoongi in between them. Hoseok can only hear ringing in his ears, he knows he sounds accusatory when he snaps. "How the fuck do you know my ex-pack omega?"

“She’s my cousin. Are you sure that's her?”

Hoseok feels like he’s spinning. “Yeah, I'm sure.”

“I thought you said your old pack was all omega’s?” Yoongi knows Hoseok’s lore, knows it like he knows the back of his hand. He looks up, hair falling across his face. Hoseok frowns jabbing his finger at the phone.

“I did. She’s an omega.”

The dissonance hits him and Yoongi almost wants to disagree but then-

Hoseok watches the lightbulb go off, Yoongi’s eyes widening imperceptibly as he paws at the phone and Hoseok’s hand. The car sickness lurches in his stomach as he turns to look back at Yoongi, and the g force hits him as Jimin takes another turn Impossibly fast. The seatbelt across Hobi’s chest engages with a click, digging into his skin and the bruises on his neck with a painful jerk.

“Are you sure? Hoseok- you have to be sure.”

“I’m sure.”

This is all a game of leverage. A game of who knows what secret and what gets exchanged for whom. Yoongi spent most of last night wondering about Moonbyul's motivation, and now he knows why.

Hoseok is holding onto Yoongi’s phone, they’re hands gripping it together. “Is this who she’s going too? The one who tried to kill us? Is-” Hoseok has to swallow to get the words out right. “Is Moonbyul the one trying to take her?”

“Yes.”

Hoseok shivers, eyes darkening, scent spiraling wildly. His muscles trembling as he thinks about it. You and Moonbyul.

Yoongi pulls himself around Jimin’s headrest. Hand on his throat, digging into his scent gland. He doesn't have time to explain to them.

Only alphas can lead the family, only alphas can rule. If Moonbyul isn't one- that calls into question the legitimacy of her rule. The families would never stand to see an omega on the throne, she'd be ousted, probably killed for daring to lie. The families would tear her apart piece by piece and Yoongi would let them.

If Moonbyul is the person who hurt Hobi- and now she's going after you- that's two people that Yoongi loves that she's directly hurt. Yoongi is thinking all sorts of dangerous things. But they have to get to you first.

If Moonbyul isn't an alpha then Yoongi's just found his leverage and maybe the whole reason why the pack was targeted in the first place.

A packmate for a secret. Yoongi imagines the worst-case scenario; Don't tell and I won't hurt her. Don’t tell anyone and she lives.

How long had she stewed and festered- knowing that Hoseok was out there- knowing that he knew the secret that could lead to her undoing. Maybe she thought his knowing would never come back to bite her, and had intended on tying up the loose end later. Maybe she didn't know Hoseok had found his way into Yoongi's arms until after the old Don and Beta had died. She probably thought that they’d never put it together- at least not until it was too late.

Whatever her reasons, this has gone on long enough.

Yoongi opens his mouth, but Hoseok’s body is taught like a spring-loaded and ready to burst. His voice a near growl.

“Jimin, I need you to drive.”

~-~

Tae and Namjoon are left standing there on the porch. Namjoon left staring after them as they hurl away from the house. Running his hands through his hair hard. Thinking of what to do until-

Tae tugs on his sleeve, “Your phone- Joonie- you should call her.”

“Right- fuck-” Namjoon goes and gets it, and comes back to stand with Tae on the porch. “Come on- come on pick up.” Namjoon paces back and forth on the front porch, the snowmelt from the roof drips out an uneven rhythm onto the railing. the cold spray hitting his stress-warm skin.

Tae stands by the door. Frozen, a statue of Namjoon’s distress. Inside, Namjoon hears a voice. Jin coming down the stairs, probably roused by the sound of the car screeching out of the driveway and down the road.

“Tae? Where is everybody?”

“Pup’s being stupid. The others left to go get her before she’s like- really really stupid.”

Jin freezes in the doorway, fist rubbing his eye. He sounds smaller and younger than Namjoon’s ever heard him. “Am I having a bad dream?” namjoon's pacing stutters and then starts up again. Jin doesn't need him right now, Jin he can help later.

Tae takes Jin's hand and leads him to the outdoor furniture. The cushions have to be damp but they sit anyway. Tae pulls her knees under her and rests her cheek on Jin's shoulder. “That’s what I thought too at first.”

Namjoon almost sobs when he hears it- the click of the dial tone and a single breath. He can hear the thud of the train in the background, the hiss of pressure against the scratchy speaker.

“Pup? oh thank god, stay where you are- the others are-”

“Namjoon? Joonie stop- I didn’t pick up so that you could convince me to come back. I only picked up because I never said goodbye.”

Namjoon freezes, and he feels like the snowmelt from the roof has just dripped down his back. Growing frigid more with each word. If there was ever a question on if you’d gone willingly or been taken- it was answered with that.

“Pup, come home right now or I swear to god-”

“No! For once you’re going to listen!” You’ve only shouted at him a handful of times and he’s hardly ever heard you sound so serious.

"No- you can't-"

“Namjoon, The second you say anything to try and convince me to stay is the moment I hang up, so what is it gonna be?”

Namjoon goes silent and stops his pacing. Holding the phone so hard it feels like the plastic and metal might break.

Namjoon’s very being hinges on every syllable you say, Like the ocean hinges on the moon. Water tethered and kept from the shore by something as simple as gravity. Tae is right there. Tae is watching the driveway not saying anything with that same blank look Namjoon has seen on your face countless times.

All at once Namjoon is reminded of you in the summertime back when he first met you and trauma had you all quiet. Staring off into space in much the same way. Small and fragile and worth saving. You’ve always been that for him; worth saving.

Jin scrubs a hand across his face, clearing himself of the last little bits of sleep. He holds out his hand for the phone, but Namjoon doesn’t give it to him just paces right by him as he listens to you.

“I only picked up the phone because I have some things that I want to say to you.”

You sound more settled and less angry but just as resigned and convicted of what you're doing. Like no part of you doubts your choices. Namjoon wishes you sounded angry, that you sounded sad, but you don’t sound like any of those things.

“I'm not leaving because I think I don't deserve a life with you and the pack. I’m not leaving because I think that I’m not worth your love. I’m leaving because for the first time I know that I am.

“For the first time I understand why Yoongi left and why he didn’t come back until he knew it would be safe. Because when you love something the way that I love you, you’ll do anything to protect them. Can you really blame me Joonie? For doing what you might have done?”

You continue on like you’re not wrenching Namjoon’s heart clean from his chest. Like you’re not a hurricane on his very being- dark and thunderous tearing through him as impersonal as wind. Namjoon’s heart thuds and thuds and thuds.

“Before I leave you, I want you to know that if I loved you less- I might have stayed.”

Namjoon’s lungs ache, ache and sting and swell with words he can’t say, he can’t breathe. His mouth screwed into a soundless sob. He actually might be having a panic attack. He's never had one before- he's not sure if he knows what one feels like. If it's like this- if it's like this he can understand why people call them an attack.

It's frantic, like he's chewing off his own leg to get out of your words. The panic is so terrible. Namjoon hasn't been this scared since he was a child. At least Yoongi had the fucking decency not to make his leaving so visceral.

Namjoon is bent over, tears dripping down his nose, sagging almost to his knees. “Why are you doing this to us!? To me!”

Something jiggles the phone, something that makes your voice all warbly- Namjoon imagines you on the train in a window seat. Resting your cheek against the balmy glass while you talk to him. Staring out at the scenery racing by. Hurtling towards your future like a comet or maybe an asteroid (something more destructive- more appropriate for the wretchedness filling Namjoon’s lungs like tar, the desiccated bodies of the dreams he had for you and the plans he made with you in mind clogging his lungs and making it hard to breathe).

Who knows, maybe off between the trees and the road, you see a red car zooming, trying to keep pace with the train.

Namjoon’s heart feels like it’s skipping too many beats.

“Something Jin told me the other day got stuck in my head and I keep thinking about it, would you like to hear it?”

You take his silence for permission and Namjoon does not turn to look at Jin and Tae sitting on the outdoor furniture. They just sit there; they don't do anything. Namjoon wishes there was something they could do or something he could barter for your safe return but you already have all of him and all of him wasn't enough to make you stay.

“Jin showed me this little article the other day- a few weeks ago now. He can tell you it in more detail but basically, it was about these mice.”

Namjoon struggles to say something- unsure where you’re going with this but desperate to keep you on the line. At least until the others get to you. Drinking down your voice, the whisper of your breath, everything.

“They made like- two test groups, they wanted to measure like- willpower- or how long they would try to live before they gave up. It’s kinda dark I guess. I'm not a good judge of things like that you know.”

Your laugh is the prettiest and saddest thing that Namjoon’s ever heard. He wants to record it and save it for later like some hidden track and he never wants to hear it again.

“Anyways- they put the mice and a bucket of water and timed how long it took for them to stop swimming, to stop trying to live. They’d try for a little while but give up pretty quickly. Like- an hour. That’s how much will to live that they had: an hour’s worth of it.”

Namjoon breaks, shouting, “I don’t want to talk about mice I want to talk about getting you the fuck home!”

Namjoon can hear your smile in your voice, And no-no-no you won’t even let him fight- you won’t even let him snap at you and engage with it. Namjoon’s seen you sad, he’s seen you defeated. He’s seen you so hungry you could hardly hold your head up. But seeing you convicted of this punishment is worse than anything.

“Anyway- they just killed the first group for a baseline. But with the second group just before they died- just before they went underwater- They took them out of the water and dried them off.”

Your voice goes hushed at the end. The morning sunlight cuts across the top of the house yellow. The tree too- it’s early morning- Namjoon’s favorite time of day and he won’t be ever able to properly enjoy it again. Won’t ever be able to wake up at this time of day and not think about the morning you left.

“They let them rest and gave them some food.”

Namjoon feels like he’s about to have a heart attack, blood thumping and hitting against his ribcage. Bullying out the flowers and the butterflies in his stomach.

“Cuddled them a little.”

Namjoon stands at the doorway to the pack den. Hands so tight in their fists that they ache and ache. Namjoon’s hands have saved countless people’s lives before, and they’ve saved yours too- but right now they just hurt.

“And when they put them back in,”

Noodle meows dolefully from the door, swatting at Jin’s ankles and then purring around Tae’s. Namjoon’s knees are shaking.

“They lasted for a whole 12 hours longer. Because they thought they might be saved. Because they had some love to remember. They were able to last for a lot longer than they would have otherwise.”

His face is screwed something terrible with how hard he’s sobbing. How is it that just an hour ago you were safe in his arms, talking about getting away from here. Just an hour ago. It's still 5am a time zone away, if Namjoon got on a plane and flew there- would you still be safe? Is there any way to turn back time?

You only get to love people for as long as you get and not a second more. You get what you get and you don't get upset. Yoongi might have been your lifeblood, the air in your lungs and your reason for existing, but you’d still be that fragile creature close to drowning if it wasn’t for Namjoon.

“Namjoon?” You say his name once and then softer, a croon. “Joonie.”

He's sobbing too hard to see, “Don’t-”

“Thank you for drying me off.”

The phone clicks and disconnects.

Namjoon falls to the stairs, ass in a puddle but none of him cares. He remembers the first day he heard you speak, sitting on these stairs while he helped Yoongi fix the railing. Namjoon remembers the summer heat and feeling scared for you for the first time- because the railing felt so rickety and the last thing he wanted was for you or Jungkook or Hobi to fall. Namjoon is the one who is falling, hurtling towards destruction that stops and ends with his heart.

His hands hurt. He remembers laughing with the others and stealing sips of sweet tea. Nibbling on the sour lemons, sweaty and hot and dusty. His eyes feel like they’re going to fall out of his head with how hard he’s crying. He remembers that you’d poked his dimples and called them pretty, he remembers feeling tired after but fulfilled for it.

One scene in summer and the other in winter now. At the beginning of a relationship and now at the end. The stairs still creek, the wind still blows and Namjoon's hands are still sweaty.

Namjoon sobs loudly and it echos across the empty cul-de-sac gut-wrenching. People cry differently when they lose people they love. Namjoon has heard people cry like this after he’s told them bad news, no sign of brain activity. We did everything that we could. I'm so sorry. It sounds different now that it’s coming out of his own mouth.

He actually might pass out with how hard he’s breathing. Teeth dig into his lower lip so hard he tastes blood. He’s still holding the phone to his ear. “Pup- wait- I love you- you can’t do this to us- to me.” But you’ve already hung up on him.

The dial tone tears through him like a bullet. Namjoon should be bleeding, broken hearts don't hurt this much without blood. People don’t hurt this much without actual wounds.

Eventually, something touches his back, a soft furry creature that only makes Namjoon sob harder as Noodle bullies his way under Namjoon’s arm and licks at his fingertips. Before long there’s hands on him. Jin and Tae pull him up and onto the furniture. One hand in his hair and the other on his shoulder. Jin grabs his wrist. Circling it gently before he holds his hands and nudges them until they relax from their clenched fists.

Namjoon cries.

Together they watch the road and wait for the others to return.

~-~

(Hidden playlist ▶ Play track?)

“Shit!”

They miss the first train by just a few seconds. It screeches away from the platform when Jungkook gets out of the car. Standing there for a breath and watching it pull away. The metal thud screech of it drowns out Yoongi’s voice.

Jimin hits the wheel and growls before he revs the engine and turns, almost hitting a fire hydrant with how quick and jerky he backs up and accelerates. Leaning forward through the window to snap at Jungkook.

“Get back in the fucking car!”

Jungkook does, the door barely latching and almost swinging free as Jimin peels out of the parking lot. Slamming back shut when Jimin does a near 180 to accelerate back onto the main road.

“Sorry hyung,” Yoongi doesn’t need to reply- they all know that every second matters.

Jimin almost collides with a car stopped at the light before he drives on the shoulder, spinning around them. The train matches the road at this part of the tracks so it’s easy to follow it. They keep pace with it as Jimin pushes 70 miles an hour and then 80.

Jimin keeps the gas pedal well acquainted with the floor until they're going faster than the train. Weaving in and out of traffic back and forth, getting honked at and almost cut off several times. Leaving his packmates to grip to seats and their handles. Worried about getting thrown off but still- not wearing their seatbelts.

“We’re never going to make it! It’s too fast! We’re going to hit traffic soon!” The closer they get to the city the less likely it is that they'll be able to catch up to you. It's nearly early morning rush hour, another 30 minutes and these roads will be at a standstill.

“Hang on- let me see the map,” Hoseok watches Yoongi look at it.

“If we go to the next station, we won’t make it. But, if we try to go to the one after that and cut it off-” A look around the car says everyone agrees with Yoongi. Jimin steps on it, and there are a terrifying few minutes where Jimin’s driving skills honestly make them all count their prayers and promise things to gods that they’re already not fond of- but when they skitter and screech into the next station he hears it.

“The next inbound train will be arriving shortly, please collect your belongings. And remember-“

Hoseok is hot on the announcements heals. Sliding to get out of the car before it’s really stopped. “If we miss this one just go to the next station without us-”

“-if you see something say something.”

The train is coming- Hoseok can see the lights about a 100 feet down the tracks and it's moving fast. Yoongi almost makes to get out but Hoseok just shoves him back inside. Jungkook gets out of the car too, bolting in the direction of the stairs. “Hoseok-”

“Yoongi- Just go!”

There are maybe three flights of stairs up, then 50 feet across the tracks, and then the same amount of steps down. He and Jungkook book it up them. Making every second count. Hurtling through time and air. Ignoring the sore and tired pulse of their muscles. They’re clearing the top step and the train is below them. A silver bullet careening and destined to do damage but slowing down.

They bolt across the landing past the ticket kiosk and through the push doors. The train is stopping with a hiss of breaks and a screech of metal. A release of pressurized air that billows up to them warm carrying with it the smell of tar and city.

Hoseok’s lungs are burning. Jungkook is usually faster by just a little bit and would be on any ordinary day. They might be roughly the same height but Hoseok doesn't do cardio nearly as often as Jungkook does. Jungkook's the one who runs every day, who does cardio like it's sleeping and marathons like they're mid-afternoon naps. Who works out and hones his body to a lethal edge just because he can.

But he doesn’t run like Hoseok does.

Hoseok runs like his life depends on it- the same way you would run if he was walking into Geumjae’s arms. You’d never let Geumjae touch even a hair on Hoseok’s head and if- if Moonbyul is who you’re going to- then there is more at stake than just your phsyical safety, too much at stake for Hoseok to be held back by his body.

Hoseok thinks of the tiramisu. Of walking with you on the beach. Of making your nightime stacks just the way you like it. Of holding you that one time you almost fell into the water. Telling you that you had to be careful. Hoseok remembers driving out in his car, tugging your seatbelt to make sure it fit snug. Standing with you side by side in the flower refrigerators at work and the feeling the first time you’d rubbed your scent gland to his. Every playlist of his with your name on it, every song that you ever shared. All of that- she’s going to destroy all of that if Hoseok doesn’t get to you in time.

He remembers how small she made him feel. How small you were when he first saw you. He won’t let you get that way again. Hoseok won’t let you disappear.

Jungkook is the one who would win this race on any other day, where the stakes any different, but just this once Hoseok is faster. Hurling himself over the concrete as fast as his body will take him. Hoseok cuts through the air like wind.

They run, feet thumping. Bodies thudding, hearts and lungs delivering oxygen to their needy muscles. Beat-up sneakers gripping the concrete. Down and down the stairs, plummeting. Almost tripping and falling on the slippery concrete steps. The doors start to close just as they round the corner.

By some miracle of blood and sweat, Hobi's the one who overtakes Jungkook. The doors are closing and the train's metal shell is beginning to hum and vibrate as it makes to pull away from the tracks.

In a last-ditch effort, Hoseok throws himself in the direction of the closing doors.

~-~

Please Like, Comment, and Reblog! Every bit of encouragement helps me write the next chapter!

Come tell me what you liked about this chapter!

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~-~

Do i think that hobi could have actually warned the pack what she was planning to do? Yes. Do I also think that he thought he had more time to warn them and really wanted to sleep off his near death experience? also yes. Namjoon giving him drugs obviously didn't help. i honestly don't think he was thinking clearly.

this is one of those chapters where everything could have gone differently if they'd just been given a little bit more- but i digress- we all know life isn't so neat and tidy.

I can't not write thinking about the angsty alternative ending for bily- but you guys should know the namjoon/m/c scene...if things had gone poorly in this chapter- this would have been the last time they spoke or touched each other for 3 years- for those who are wondering about the alternative ending- i will NOT be posting any of it on AO3. Only on tumblr through asks! i'll try to tag the super triggering stuff but yeah.

when i think of namjoon and the m/c and their relationship- i think that what they want most for each other is to just see the other old and happy like- that becomes the foundation for their relationship. thats why it's namjoon who she thanks. it also doesn't escape me that yoongi is not in this chapter very much- this is intentional. just wait for next chapter and his anger! i swear its so fucking hot my god i really wanted them to fuck in the next chapter but i just don't think it's going to happen.

the og version of this chapter called for jimin parking hobi's car on the tracks and literally letting the train hit it- not derail- but just hit it. just to get it to stop for the m/c however i figured that was going a bit too far.

Me writing any part with jimin in it- "what if i added a bit of religious trauma to it?"

the line where namjoon talks about his hands hurting is like- directly related to me, because my hands didn't hurt all the time before i started writing bily but now my Knuckles hurt almost every morning. After writing for more than an hour they hurt. i guess when you love something enough it hurts you lol i don't mind.

the "you want a lifetime with them" lines are mostly a callback to like...grey's anatomy. namjoon's charecter is LOOOSELY based on mcdreamy of course the whole...neurosurgeon thing and i am 3 seasons into a re-watch so~ you will have to tollerate that cringeworthy refrence~

i've always wanted to structure a chapter around the thud and thump of a heart and yeah!! i think did a few back but i wanted to do it again~

i don't think i was very subtle with the hoseok train station and the train ticket parts of the story like- i think i forshadowed pretty heavily that it was eventually going to be used but! i hope you liked the big reveal.

how did you guys like the cliffhanger? should i spoil it for you when i've always said that bily would get a happy ending????? i mean...come on... we all know hoseok's gonna be fast enough right?

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theartfulv · 3 months

Text

The Making Of My Lockwood & Co. Animatic!

Some people wanted to know about the process on Discord (and I’ve said most of this on there though I think this will be a little more coherent) but I thought maybe the lovely folks on here might be interested too!

This will probably be quite long so bare with (it was over a month of my life 😂)

maybe I’ll be cool and split this into sections

The Beginning/ Scripting Phase

Originally I’d planned for it to focus solely on George and the bone glass, so all of The Whispering Skull, and scripted as such.

(If you want to see the first rendition let me know I’ve still got it all saved 👀)

Generally when I approach lyric based projects I copy down the lyrics, separate them into sections and then write a description of what I want to happen on each line with camera angles and any general cinematography or editing notes.

(I will say though I’ve switched to writing on top of my music file so I can describe everything to the beat and see the timing of each sequence)

So after planning it all out, collecting screenshot references, making numerous Pinterest boards and the thumbnail… I scrapped it.

Peak planning on my end. 🫠 So I scripted the second rendition which was a total of…

Yeah…. That’s it. That is all I scripted and just made sequences up as I went along! Though I did take heavy reference from my original script for the bone glass sequence.

As you can see it was to a completely different section of the song and some of it differs from the final, i.e I didn’t end up using a canted angle in this sequence or any shallow focus.

The Boarding Process

Again I made up sequences as I went! So I started with the beginning for once?! Drawing in Sketchbook Pro and editing the frames together using HitFilm.

(FLASH WARNING)

I planned it so I’d spend half of my time on rough boarding and the other half on finalising it, so 8 seconds per day, which is a lot of work and can range from anywhere between 2hrs and 8hrs… commitment 💪

I did the majority of it during my Christmas break but other than that I just worked on it whenever I wasn’t at college.

So this is what all of my original boards looked like!

Anyway! Onto the first dilemma… The Bone Glass.

After boarding about 20 seconds of the start and one Combe Carey frame (the outside of the hall) I decided to work on the Bone Glass section, originally I’d planned for all the 7 spirits the fly into the frame and merge together to create the bone glass that didn’t happen… but I was inspired by kaleidoscopes and thought that’d be cool too. So I attempted to create that sequence and it was so stressful 😂

Somehow I miraculously figured out how to spin all the different layers in different directions and then inverted each one every second alternating! Then I had to export the file and put it into my actual Animatic which HitFilm did not like at all…

Eventually I managed to export it and that allowed me to zoom out/cut outwards whilst the sections were moving and inverting and then I created the second section with the spiral which HitFilm also did not appreciate so I had to make the file much smaller but I think it worked out anyway!

Then I continued to work out of order…

I did parts of Combe Carey (which is actually quite different from the final version) and then got to work on my favourite sequence!

(Or rest of the sequence) George’s section/ The Bone Glass, and just had this image mixing the original papers taped up in his room with a suspect board, I had visions of Roxanne in Megamind working out Megamind’s next plan/ superhero Titan and the intro of A Series of Unfortunate Events.

I think I’m always very heavily influenced by other media and material and thought it’d be a fun nod to some of my previous hyperfixations.

And I think this is when my plan of ‘do the rough half first then the final half later’ failed… because I finalised all of these frames before even finishing the rest of the roughs 😭

At this point it was about the 27th December and I had about a minute of footage.

After that I realised that I actually had total creative freedom and that’s when I did the first half of the Combe Carey sequence with Annabel’s shadow and the Red Room door!

This then led me to take much more liberty with the rest of the animatic including Annabel hovering over Lucy, The Spiral Section of The Screaming Staircase and The Monks!

Throughout this project I studied so many different pieces of concept art and different storyboards, beats and random animatics to gain insight and inspiration which led me to create a new Pinterest board!!! 🥳

Then…

Disaster struck (except it didn’t but it felt like it)

My PC decided to stop working… then… My GPU broke!?!

Yeah… so no drawing for me!

Oh and all of my files turned blue!!!

Somehow I managed to transfer all of my files onto another family member’s PC who thankfully let me draw on it for the foreseeable/ until it was done (absolute legend) but I’d still lost 3 days working time… which at this point was the equivalent of 24 seconds… and it was not looking good for me and the deadline.

In my head I just had to finish it for the anniversary of the show.

But life went on and so did my college work aka. I had exam week… yeah did I revise for it… (the answer is very little but I actually was only 2 marks of an A so I think that I was pretty iconic) and I also planned all of my coursework (due on the 29th… yikes). But I did it!!!

Then I had a power cut…

But it was okay!!! And I finished it (had to do 14 seconds worth of work on the day of but I finished it!!)! There were a lot of sequences that I’d had to cut or shorten which I’m not too happy about but I finished it!!!

And I guess that’s it really!

As a final thing I thought I’d share a few of my favourite frames :)

That’s All!! If you’d have any questions or thoughts let me know!!!

I LOVE YOU LOCKNATION 😭😭😭

#art #locknation #lockwood and co #fanart #animatic #art process #my brain is melting

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presidenthades · 4 months

Text

Once again, I am doing a series of my behind-the-scenes thoughts for The Golds while I do light edits for formatting, typos, and continuity. Here’s Chapter 2!

(Note: I originally planned to put out these commentaries once a day, but I’ve been recruited for an urgent knitting/crochet project IRL so I might be a bit slow.)

For this chapter’s title, I chose the lyrics for the Father in “The Song of the Seven” because Aegon finds out he’s going to be a dad. 😳

Opening line: I wanted the reader to spend a half-second thinking Aegon was in the middle of a sexual activity 😂. Later in the chapter, both Daemon and Alicent briefly think he’s been out at the brothels, so I wanted to foreshadow that here. But it turns out Aegon just really likes pies.

Gyles and Ronnel were throwaway characters in my original plan, but they ended up being very important to the plot 😅. I took a brief line from Aegon’s letter in Chapter 3 of the Handbook, about him eating pies that were almost better than sex, and created Gyles from that. So Aegon’s been patronizing Gyles’s business for several years.

Gyles rents a small storefront on the Street of Flour, which I presume is where most of the bakers in KL live/work. He’s probably part of the local bakers’ guild, and he’s on the poorer end of the street so his customers tend to be laborers who want a quick hot meal. Aegon stumbled across the shop one day as a young teen when he was hangry, and he’s been coming back ever since.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time researching the history of cheese and barely used it for the fic 🥲. But I want everyone to know I thought very carefully about the type of cheese Gyles uses in his pies! It would be similar to appenzeller, which is a cheese of Swiss origin that uses cider/wine during the cheesemaking process, and it supposedly has an herby flavor (I’ve never had it but I want it). It’s a hard cheese (so it travels well) that melts well (good for pie filling), and it’s from an Alpine region (like the Vale where Gyles is from).

Ronnel barely got a glimpse of Jace during her wedding parade, but he would die for her 🥲.

We get our first glimpse of the Tyroshi, which I tried not to draw too much attention to so readers didn’t get suspicious, but I wanted it in there to set up Aegon’s investigation in Chapter 4. In hindsight, Aegon wishes he just stabbed the man that day…but he probably would’ve gotten beat up or killed in turn by the bodyguards.

BTW I am very proud of the sentence where I describe the bodyguards as looking like chickens 🐔. Sorry, just have to pat my back here.

Author’s nitpick about Maegor’s tunnels! My understanding is the secret tunnels are in the Red Keep but NOT in the Holdfast, which only has one super special secret escape route that book!Aegon uses when Rhaenyra takes KL. I have to remember not to let the characters just pop around anywhere they please using the secret tunnels. If everyone used secret tunnels all the time, they wouldn’t be very secret 🤧. I imagine the passage Aegon uses to sneak in and out of the castle is one that a lot of Targaryen royals have used, so it’s not a HUGE secret.

Daemon heard about the pregnancy pretty quickly after Jace got sick during small council. Nobody is sure where Aegon went, only that he sneaked out (pretty normal for him), and of course Daemon’s first suspicion is that Aegon is out whoring 💀. So Daemon went to the tunnels to catch Aegon on his way back and verify if Aegon was at the brothels or not. If Aegon was out whoring while his wife just found out she’s pregnant, Daemon would probably have done…something not nice 😅. But Aegon was just eating pies so it’s fine!

Aegon is no longer scared of Daemon (he was a bit scared in the first part of the Handbook), but he still doesn’t want to be alone with Daemon in a dark tunnel 👀.

Aegon has excellent zingers in the book, so I wanted give him some very sassy lines in this fic. Hence, Aegon implying Daemon is getting fat 😂. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it, Daemon!

Daemon’s line about “a spate of missing persons in the city” is a reference to the Tyroshi’s doings. The Tyroshi has kidnapped enough “good citizens” (tradesmen like Gyles, as opposed to poor prostitutes) that it’s becoming noticeable.

And yes, Daemon did deliberately make Aegon think something bad happened to Jace as revenge for Alyssa and the early wake up calls.

Originally, I was going to do brief POV scenes of all Jace’s sisters reacting to the pregnancy news, but it got very repetitive so I cut out all of them except Luce. But in the deleted bits, there’s a scene where Alicent asks Rhaena to help find Jace’s premarital nightgowns because the only nightwear Jace has right now is sexy lingerie 🤭. Then there’s a kinda sad bit where Rhaena realizes Alicent thinks she’s helping Jace by removing temptation from Aegon, because a pregnant woman should want reprieve from her husband’s attentions, because that was Alicent’s experience: being pregnant meant she didn’t have to sleep with Viserys. So Alicent struggles to realize that on the contrary, Jace might enjoy her husband’s attention.

Alicent and Rhaenyra have a comedic bit where they synchronize as they transform into Overprotective Future Grandmother mode, to showcase that they’re more similar than they admit. It’s self-explanatory why Rhaenyra is fussy, but this is also Alicent’s first grandchild. And she has always liked Jace, who is basically Alicent’s ideal good-daughter. I also think Alicent is a little jealous that Rhaenyra has Jace; Alicent definitely loves Helaena, but we see her struggling to connect with her daughter on the show, whereas Jace has always been polite, dutiful, and overall “easy” to interact with.

Because Alicent likes Jace so much, she is extra offended at the thought that Aegon might be out whoring. In a way, she still thinks of him as the profligate young prince before the Stepstones (at this point in the story, he’s only been back two months), so she assumed the worst. But it’s obvious to her that Aegon is head over heels for Jace, and she realizes he changed while he was away. So she apologizes, which doesn’t erase the hurt of her accusation but Aegon recognizes it as a big deal since she’s never apologized to him before. And she’s embarrassed about her mean reaction, but she’s too proud to do anything else to make amends.

In an earlier draft of the scene where Aegon learns about the pregnancy, I dragged out the misunderstanding where he thinks he made her cry. There was a whole miscommunication sequence that somehow ends with Aegon thinking Jace doesn’t love him anymore (he tries to give her a new ring, she cries because she knows her hands will swell and she’s worried she’ll be hideous and “I won’t be your pretty girl anymore” or something like that), but it was too melodramatic so I cut it down to a brief moment of pregnancy hormones 😅.

Using her sleeve to wipe her face is a bad habit that Aegon taught Jace because he used to do that for her when they were little and she cried 😭. (He still does it sometimes.)

Another theme in the story: when Jace is nervous, scared, or otherwise feeling negative emotions, Aegon uses humor to bring her out of her pit of despair (e.g. wedding night, during the storm at Dragonstone).

A hennin is that tall cone hat you see in medieval paintings. It was a status flex because it’s so impractical, which means only rich non-working women can wear it. Rhaenys’s hairstyle kinda reminds me of it too 😅. I imagine hennins to be very old-fashioned at this point in time, and maybe Rhaenys made Jace wear a few hennins when she was little and that’s why Jace hates them so much lol.

When I was writing the Handbook, I thought might’ve been the one to come up with the elopement idea. But she’s such a naturally cautious person that now I think she needed nudging first, and Aegon is reckless enough to go for an elopement without thinking about consequences too much.

I also have this idea that Otto has always been a big Jacegon shipper in this universe 😂. It’s the perfect match for his Plan A, B, C, X, Y, and Z. I like to imagine that before Rhaenyra took her daughters to Dragonstone, Otto was telling Aegon things like “bring Jace flowers!” and “wash your hair!” to help the romance along. I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point, Otto straight up told Aegon “you need to marry that girl no matter what” (and it’d be hilarious if this planted the seed of the elopement in Aegon’s head).

Tyroshi purple is basically the real-world Tyrian purple, which was made from sea snails and so expensive that only royalty could afford it. I thought it very fitting for Jace, who’s supposed to be the future queen. The color also reminds me of wine, but I worked so hard to make Aegon not an alcoholic that I didn’t want to mention it in the fic 😛.

When Aegon avoids telling Jace his real, dark thoughts, we get a glimpse of how he tries to protect her from bad things in life. This is a point of friction that comes up again in the fic: Aegon thinks it’s best not to tell Jace certain things, and she disagrees.

Jace doesn’t like naps because she thinks they’re a waste of time when she could be doing work 🥲.

When Aegon is in the Tower with Otto, he notices a petition about thugs extorting money from guild members. This is also a reference to the Tyroshi’s doings!

Otto is a neat freak, Aegon knows it, and Aegon takes advantage of it for fleeting moments of malicious glee.

I also have a whole list of old people habits that Otto partakes in. Here, Aegon references Otto’s daily glass of prune juice, but I won’t go into detail about that 🙈. I also imagine Otto taking brisk early morning walks around the Tower, with his elbows pumping in a very old man way, to get his daily cardio in.

I made Otto’s late wife a member of House Mullendore. They’re vassals of the Hightowers, so it’s an acceptable match for a second son. (The Mullendores sided with the Blacks during the Dance, so I’m headcanoning that Otto had a terrible falling-out with them after his wife died.) More importantly, their sigil is a bunch of orange butterflies (see: Helaena’s embroidery that Otto displays in his study). We all know Helaena loves insects, and I feel like this is an extra reason she’s Otto’s favorite: her hobby reminds him of his wife.

Otto is generally happy with how things are going in this verse. Of course he would prefer if Aegon were the heir, but right now he’s guaranteed to have his blood on the throne even if it’s a few generations down the road, and he finds Jace to be reasonable, intelligent, and dutiful. But Otto is still sneaky, because he’s Otto. When he talks about “a royal grandson,” does he mean Rhaenyra’s grandson (baby gets his claim as Jace’s son) or Viserys’s grandson (baby gets his claim as Aegon’s son)? 🧐

Otto supports Jace attending the Small Council because her fate and reputation are closely tied to Aegon’s. If she does well, that reflects well upon her husband. Otto is also aware that if/when Rhaenyra is queen, she’ll want to sack him and send him away from court. But if he maintains a good relationship with Jace, who would be the Princess of Dragonstone at that time, he’ll still be able to retain influence at court not just through Alicent, who would then be dowager queen and less powerful. And if Jace demonstrates herself to be more capable at governance than Rhaenyra (who is less diligent about attending matters of state), Otto isn’t going to say no to that.

Jace knows that Otto has clashed with Rhaenyra in the past and that he has emotionally and physically hurt Aegon, so she doesn’t like Otto as a person. But she appreciates his skill as Hand and respects him professionally. So she’s willing to work with him, but she isn’t leaping at the prospect of spending time with him. And I think that suits Otto just fine. He doesn’t want to be liked, he wants results.

Sorry I couldn’t resist making a “we forgot Daeron existed” joke 🪦.

I really like Aegon and Aemond’s brotherly relationship, and I don’t see nearly enough of it in fics so I had to make my own contribution. Even in the show canon, where Aemond covets the throne and scorns Aegon, he’s still loyal to his brother and they have that brotherly telepathy moment during the last supper. In this verse, they’re much closer but they are still mean to each other in a delightfully sibling fashion. After his relationship with Jace (and eventually Cheeseball), I think Aegon’s relationship with Aemond is his most meaningful relationship in this fic, and I’ll probably keep tugging on it throughout the series.

Aegon won’t admit it but he’s excited to tell his brothers he’s gonna be a dad 🥰.

Daeron spent the last three years in Oldtown, which is the heart of the Faith, so the sex ed he received was very…censored 😅. And since he spent so long thinking that kissing = babies, you can imagine he has a strong reaction when he accidentally kisses Joff later.

Joff has plenty of older sisters (including Baela), and Rhaenyra and Daemon aren’t very quiet at Dragonstone. Thus, Joff figures out how procreation works as a young age 💀.

Aemond does not tell Daeron what a quim is. He tells Daeron to go ask a maester.

As mentioned in Chapter 10, Aegon knows Baela was/is attracted to Jace, and this is a big source of friction between them. But Baela’s never acted on her feelings, and Aegon feels fairly secure in Jace’s affections, so he doesn’t talk about it out loud. But if Baela ever provoked him enough, he would mention it to get back at her (Aegon still has a mean streak, he’s just better at suppressing it).

Helaena’s three egg-shaped beads are a reference to the children she’ll never have in this verse. I’m of the opinion that her prophecies are very vague and mostly vibes (e.g. “he’ll have to close an eye” = she sees Aemond riding a dragon with one eye closed, like an extended wink). So she definitely doesn’t know “ah yes, Jaehaerys and Jaehaera and Maelor, who are all going to die terribly,” but she has a sense of the children she would’ve loved and lost in another life. So she’s a bit sad about not having those children in this life, but part of her is relieved she’ll never have to endure the horrible loss and suffering her children’s deaths caused.

“Sunflowers should not be watered with wine.” Helaena compares Jace to the sun (“to the sun I go”), which makes Aegon a sunflower that’s always turning to face the sun. He isn’t an alcoholic here, so he’s thriving more.

“The egg is crowned with gold, and all the creatures love it so.” The egg is Cheeseball, of course. He’s crowned with gold because he’ll be king one day, and gold is his parents’ color. The creatures = dragons, seahorses, towers, etc., all the houses with competing claims to the throne but who all agree that Cheeseball is the future king.

“Buzz, buzz. Your hive has gathered.” Jace is the queen bee, but she’s also constantly working like a bee.

“A lovely summer egg.” Cheeseball is born toward the end of summer. Also a reference to how his future reign will be peaceful and prosperous.

“A beloved egg free from sorrow.” In contrast to Helaena’s children/eggs 🥲.

Helaena’s freak out about the name Jaehaerys is 100% a reference to Blood and Cheese. Again, she doesn’t know exactly what would’ve happened in this alternate universe, but she’s getting very bad vibes from the name.

Jace despairs at the prospect of being coddled for the entire pregnancy, which is exactly what happens…

Laenor wasn’t a paragon of fatherhood but he was more present in this universe. The girls being his actual daughters does affect his feelings for them, and I think he likes having daughters. He would have to help educate and train a son, but he can just spoil and dote on daughters. (Pretty similar to Aegon’s attitude in the beginning of this fic.) So Laenor makes a lot more visits to the nursery when the kids are little, hence Aegon’s familiarity with him.

I wrote the interlude because we see almost all the other siblings’ reactions to the pregnancy, but not Luce. I just couldn’t bring myself to delete it with the other reaction POVs so I kept it in 😅. I justify it by telling myself that it’s important setup for the Baratheon drama later lol (even though at the time I wrote this chapter, I wasn’t sure Floris and Sara were going to die, so this is the author retconning).

Rhaenyra made Jace wait until her sixteenth nameday, so she’s applying that rule to all her daughters: no marriage until you’re sixteen. That’s why Luce has to wait. And if the Baratheon stuff didn’t happen later, it would 100% have been a smart move. Luce is very impulsive, and she and Aemond were clashing for so long, it’s wiser to wait and make sure they’re in this for the long haul and not just acting on hormones.

Aemond had visited Driftmark four times in the past month, which means he’s there every week for several days 😂.

I like to think Daemon told Caraxes to tell Arrax to make sure Luce and Aemond don’t have too much fun 🤭. And for some reason, I imagine Arrax looking a lot like a light fury from How to Train Your Dragon. Big eyes and shiny scales.

Earlier in the chapter, we get a monologue about how Aegon would starve to keep Jace fed. Here, Aemond is literally stealing Luce’s lunch 🤣🤣🤣.

Jace knows her sister super well! That’s why she tells Luce to sit down before she continues the letter: she knows Luce is going to have a strong reaction.

Jace loves all her sisters but I think she’s closest to Luce. They’re less than two years apart in age, and Joff was born four years after Luce, so a lot of Jace’s earliest memories are just the two of them as sisters. Just like how Aemond is one of Aegon’s most important relationships, Luce is one of Jace’s most important relationships.

#my writing #meta #house of the dragon meta #hotd meta #fanfic meta #aegon ii targaryen #female jacaerys velaryon #the golds

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hellfirecvnt · 2 years

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Eddie smut please!

I’m thinking a fic based on the song sex from the 1975. Eddie and the reader are best friends and used to hang out every day until she got a boyfriend which Eddie is SUPER jealous of.

💕

Took me a second to get to this one, but I wanted it to be REALLY GOOD bc I love The 1975 and I love Eddie and I love you for being so supportive. 🥺❤ Also let me just tell you, I had SO much written and my phone died so I lost ALL OF IT. But we're back. We're trying again. Fuck.

I decided I love this prompt and I'm gonna make a series of this one specifically lmao. Once again, sorry it took so long. I almost gave up writing entirely after I lost my progress. 😂

She's Got a Boyfriend, Anyway.

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Warnings: smut at the end (+18, minors DNI), cheating, a lil bit of angst- I think, more?

[I take requests]

It was the same routine everyday ever since you two met six years ago. You and Eddie spend every day, after school and weekends together. Aside from Hellfire, you're each other's only friend.

"Do you know Billy? Hargrove, I think?" You innocently ask, not thinking much of it.

"Hargrove? Yeah, guys a fucking dick." Eddie quips.

"I dunno, he seemed pretty sweet to me." You twirl your hair around your finger, watching the trees zoom past you as Eddie drives you both to his house.

"Oh, come on, Y/N. Don't tell me you're falling for that fake pretty-boy bullshit again." He laughs, referencing the fact that you dated Steve and got your heart broken within 5 months.

"Of course I'm not. I'm just, curious. He seems really nice, to me." A smile can't be helped from finding itself on your face.

"I'm nice to you. Why don't we just fuck in the back of the van right now?" Eddie furrows his brow dramatically, faking confusion for his perverted jokes.

"Shut up, idiot. I'm serious. I need your help picking out an outfit. He asked me out today." The last part of your sentence causes Eddie's smile to fall a bit. He may have hidden it behind an immature joke, but he was being serious too.

"Why would I know what Hargrove wants you to wear? What's wrong with the way you dress?" He questions.

"I don't know, man. I just want to look a little different. I don't want to look like-"

"A freak?" Eddie raises an eyebrow in an I see how it is fashion.

"No, I just want to look clean-cut. A little bit less like all I do is smoke weed and listen to music."

"But that is all you do." Eddie teases as he pulls into his driveway. "And if you want my fashion advice, my first suggestion is to stop stealing my shirts." He points to the worn band shirt draped over you. You roll your eyes and follow him to the front door of his trailer. Eddie's uncle is laying on the couch, looking a little pale.

"Wayne? Take the night off?" Eddie checks in. Wayne explains he's feeling sick so he took today off to recover.

"Hey, let's just hotbox the van. That way it doesn't get all smokey in here while Wayne's not feeling well." Your suggestion earns a thumbs up from Wayne. You've always been considerate like that, something he and Eddie both appreciate about you.

In the van, you climb past the seats, settling into the pile of blankets and various snack wrappers from when you and Eddie camp outside of concert venues for those barricade spots. Eddie follows close behind, eyes fixed on you as you get comfortable, kicking off your high tops and grabbing a magazine to flip through.

"You think Cyndi Lauper is like... Freaky? Like in bed?" You ask, still looking down at the bright red-haired woman's avant-garde makeup.

"She definitely either likes to be slapped around or likes to slap you around." A large, ring-clad hand takes the joint from his mouth and passes it to you. His jewelry catches the dim light of the back of the van.

While you hit the joint, Eddie flips through his many cassettes. He finally settles on Metallica's Kill Em All album, popping it into his radio. He relaxes into the moment, staring at you as he did every day for six years. He's slowly starting to figure out why it's his favorite past time, but for now he's just happy to be your friend.

"Do you think I should take my nose ring out for my date with Billy?" Your question shakes him from his daze and the mention of Billy's name causes his jaw to clench.

"Why would you do that?" Eddie's upper lip twitches in disgust. "He asked you out looking like this, why would you want to look different now?"

"I don't know, dude. I'm really fucking nervous." You cover your face with one hand, dragging it down. You're lying on your stomach, flipping through the magazine while your thoughts race. "He's coming to get me at 6 PM tomorrow." Eddie passes you the joint in a manner that says "shut up."

"Listen, can we change the subject? You're gonna make me sick." His voice comes out a little meaner than he intended, but he's too awkward to know how to fix it. Your eyes widen and you attempt to soften the tension.

"You're right," you laugh. "I tend to ramble a lot." Your face is flushed slightly with the tiniest hint of embarrassment because you didn't mean to get carried away. Noticing your shift, he wants to punch himself in the face.

"Uh, here! Let's smoke two joints and see who smokes theirs faster." Eddie shoves a joint between your fingers.

"You're on, Munson." You wait for him to finish rolling a second joint and you both lean into one lighter so you start smoking at exactly the same time. There were other lighters, y'all just aren't that smart.

As each of you pulls on your joints to get the cherry started, Eddie looks up from the flame, directly into your eyes. It takes a second for you to notice, but you look up, meeting his gaze. He doesn't move or blink, so you give a small smile around your joint. You lower the lighter after a second, having sufficiently lit the joints.

The contrast of the lighter going out shakes Eddie from his trance. The rest of the hang-out was casual and nothing short of your usual day together. Talking about sex, drugs, music, and occasionally DnD. Hours pass before you finally check your watch.

"Holy shit, Eddie. It's 10 o'clock!" You jump up from the soft blankets in the van. "I gotta go, I have to go to sleep soon or I'm gonna look dead tomorrow."

"Hop up front. I'll take you home." Eddie offers as if it's not your only way of getting home. The second you get in your door, you drag Eddie to your room.

"Please help me pick out an outfit, Eddie. It'll be so fast." You tug on the sleeve of his leather jacket. He rolls his eyes and hesitantly agrees. You scramble through your closet looking for something with the least amount of rips and tears. "What about this?" You hold up a dress you've never worn because it's periwinkle and you're not with it.

"A dress? Y/N, seriously?" Again, meaner than he intended. You once again did that thing you do when you're embarrassed and just try to smile the blush away, agreeing with whatever is being said to you.

"You're right, you're right. Um-" It was apparent in your voice that you were getting angry.

"Hey, Y/N-" Eddie attempt to meet your downcast eyes.

"Eddie, you can leave because I can tell you don't want to do this. I know you don't care about the date, and I know you hate Billy, so it was kind of shitty of me to ask you to help me. You're just," you stop to toss your hands up, defeated and dramatic. "My only friend and I like having your opinion on things."

Eddie could explode right now. He could punch himself directly between his own two eyes. No one has ever bitten their tongue as hard as he wished he'd bitten his just seconds ago. He stares at you apologetically, lips pressed tightly together in a speechless, straight line.

"Dude, I'm sorry. Let me help you, I was being a dick." Eddie start rummaging through your clothes.

"It's fine, man. I'm just nervous, I'm sorry." You look at the floor, defeated after your little outburst.

"Shut up, try this on." Eddie tosses you a random top. This is how all of your apologies went, ever since you met. They're almost instant. You've never had a "fight" last longer than a few hours.

You try the top on and it's perfect. Flattering in all the best ways, making you feel hot and comfortable. You pair it with a go-to pair of flared jeans and call it a night. Eddie waves and flashes a toothy grin as he exits out your window. He doesn't even actually need to use the window, he just likes to.

Back at his trailer, Eddie tosses and turns with anger. He didn't care that you had a date, he didn't care that it was with Hawkins's number one womanizer, he knew you could take care of yourself. He was mad because it wasn't him taking you on that date.

The next day Eddie wakes up feeling like he hasn't slept at all. His dreams were consumed with pictures of you, naked on his bed, reading your magazines and getting high. Just the memory of the dream is enough for him to wake up hard.

He shoves those thoughts to the back of his mind and checks the clock. Noon. Not bad for a weekend. Eddie throws the blankets back over his head and falls back asleep, silently hoping for more dreams of you.

Your date with Billy is in just a few hours, so you're getting ready in advance just in case. In case of what, you ask? You don't know. You're just really nervous. Billy picks you up and the two of you head off to the movies.

By the end of your date, you're officially Billy Hargrove's girlfriend. The way he asked was so perfect and romantic, you don't even know where to start. Your first instinct is to call your best friend and tell him everything, but then you remember how annoyed it made him before. So you hang up the phone before dialing and head to your bedroom.

Eddie wakes up, again, and checks the clock. 10 PM.

"Oh, shit." Eddie jumps up and runs to the living room. "Wayne, did Y/N call?"

"Nah, no calls. You sleep all Saturday?" Wayne's voice carries worry.

"Yeah, I don't wanna talk about it. I'll see you later." Eddie calls as he heads out to his van. A short trip later, he arrives at your house. This time using the window because he has to. He taps on it a little before just opening it as wide as possible.

"HOLY SHIT!" You yell having woken up to a dark, broad shouldered figure climbing through your window.

"You should really lock your windows, Y/N. I could've had ulterior motives." Eddie winks in the moonlight leaking through the window.

"Fuck, dude. What are you doing here? It's like 11 o'clock." You rub your eyes.

"It's 10:15 and I just wanted to see how the date went, damn." Eddie drops onto your bed. "So how'd it go?" Eddie smiles over your sleepy face.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend." You gush, blushing and fluttering your tired eyes. "We're seeing each other again tomorrow!"

"That's awesome, wow." Eddie works hard to sound excited for you, but he feels sick to his stomach. Seeing you this happy is enough for him to keep his comments to himself, though. For now.

Eddie turns to look at you, but you've already fallen back asleep. He watches you for a moment, regretting his choice to come here because this news is going to eat him alive when he tries to sleep tonight. Not to mention him already sleeping all day today.

The next day, you don't see each other. The day after that, the same. Billy steals you away every chance he gets. He knows you and Eddie are best friends, and he's hoping to help you realize there are more people to hang around than the local freak.

Two whole weeks pass and the only time Eddie sees you is at Hellfire. It's Friday again and you've arrived at Hellfire before anyone else, except Eddie, of course.

"Hey, man. I'm really excited for this finale!" You beam at him, causing his heart rate to rise.

"I'm glad you've still been able to make it considering you're always so busy." Eddie teases.

"I know, I'm sorry. We should hang out tonight!" Your suggestion catches Eddie off guard. "I'll tell Billy I'm riding home with you."

"Sounds great," Eddie smirks, basking in the idea of you telling Billy you can't hang because you're going to Eddie's. Hellfire club dismisses and you follow Eddie out to his van. Outside the doors, Billy is waiting, leaning against his Camaro.

"Hey, babe," Billy's smooth voice wraps around you like a rope, drawing you into him. "You ready to go?"

"Actually, I'm hanging out with Eddie tonight." You point to Eddie next to his van. "I haven't seen him in a few weeks, so I-"

"But you see him at Hellfire, don't you?" Billy, visibly bothered, folds his arms across his chest.

"Well, yeah. But that's like- it's not like hanging out. We're killing things and he's playing God." You struggle to explain.

"So you're just gonna go over to some guy's house, at night, instead of seeing your boyfriend?" Billy was starting to raise his voice ever so slightly.

"Whoa, man. I've known him for six years." You shake your head in shock.

"Whatever, if you're acting single tonight, I can do the same." And with that, he slides into his car and drives off. He makes sure to squeal the tires as he creates more distance between you. You scoff before shaking your head and walking over to Eddie.

"The fuuuuck was that?" Eddie tries to hide a giggle, giddy knowing he makes Billy so jealous.

"I don't know, dude. But it was kind of hard to watch." You laugh, causing Eddie's laugh to finally escape. The two of you crack up over Billy's little performance before heading back to Eddie's.

"He's literally never done that before. It was so weird. And he's fully aware that we see each other every day, he's never once made it a thing." You pass the joint to Eddie. With your legs extended across his mattress, you propped yourself up on his pillows. Fully occupying the bed.

"That's so fucking weird, man. I've heard he's a little insane." Eddie sits at the end of his bed, practicing chords on his acoustic guitar.

"I don't think he's insane. I just don't understand why he reacted that way." Your eyes remain glued to the page even after you feel Eddie's gaze on you. "What?" You finally look up at him.

"Just... Kinda sounds like you're defending him for no reason. You know, like you did before." He raises his eyebrows.

"Eddie, I-" you start, but you're cut off by car doors outside. You both rush to the blinds to peek, being nosy busybodies, but not giving a shit. That's when you notice Billy's car in the driveway of another trailer that he definitely doesn't live in.

"That's uh... That's Natalia's house." Eddie speaks nervously, knowing Natalia is well known at your school for... Let's just say, stealing boyfriends. As Billy approaches the door, he turns as if he knows you see him and winks at you with a big, gorgeous, evil grin. He disappears behind the door without a word.

"Well, damn." You stare in shock. "Good thing it's only been a few weeks, but damn."

"That was... A lot. You okay?" Eddie places a hand on your shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm not too worried about it." You shrug. Eddie scans your features for any kind of emotion, there doesn't seem to be any.

"Okay..." Eddie draws the word out. "Well, you uh... You acting single tonight?" He side-eyes you.

"Munson," you place a playful hand on your chest as if you're offended. "Feeling bold?" You raise an eyebrow, caught off guard by his question, but you can't deny the excitement it ignited in your stomach.

"Just seems a little unfair, that's all." He shrugs, carefully making his way closer to you.

"I guess so." You bite your lip. Your eyes are locked on your shoes until you feel two large hands gripping your shoulders. You look up to see Eddie gazing down at you with half-lidded, dark brown eyes.

"Let me," Eddie takes a deep breath. "Let me make you feel single." He chuckles into your ear.

"H-How do you plan on going that, Eddie?" You stutter through quickening breaths. Eddie is so close to you, you can barely keep him in focus.

"By fucking your pretty little brains out." His voice comes out in a low growl, sending chills down your spine to the heat building between your legs.

"Slow down, honey." You quip, backing him up and shoving him onto the couch. He stares up at you expectantly, an awe-struck look plastered across his face as he awaits your next move. You keep eye contact with him as you pull your hair back into a messy bun, kneeling between Eddie's legs.

"Jesus Christ," Eddie's voice is nothing less than a desperate huff of breath while he watches your hands slide up his inner thighs to his belt. You focus intently on the handcuff-shaped buckle, unfastening his pants and pulling back his boxers.

Your eyes widen as his erection springs past the elastic of his underwear. Losing all self-control, you grab his length and take him as far as possible down your throat.

"Holy shit," he grabs a fist full of your hair. "Just like that." He throws his head back, moaning into the emptiness of the trailer. You quicken your pace, earning louder moans and involuntary hip bucking.

Eddie pulls your mouth off his cock, tossing you onto the couch, effectively trading your places. He begins eagerly grabbing at your shirt and the button on your pants, but you stop him. You place your hands on his and hold them still, contemplating.

"I mean, we don't have to do this. I don't want to keep you from doing what you were doing, but if we're doing anything, we might as well just fuck." Eddie's words fill you with the most confusing feelings, but most of all, lust. He's right, Billy's at Natalia's most definitely cheating on you, you'll probably be done with him after this anyways. Might as well fuck your best friend.

You wrap your fingers around the collar of his jean vest and pull his lips into yours. He instantly kisses back, nipping lightly at your bottom lip with his teeth. Each gentle bite is closely followed by sweet, breathy moans from your chest. Eddie melts more and more with each high-pitched sound.

Eddie continues undressing you, audibly aroused more and more as you become exposed completely. He bites his fist watching you slide your delicate hand down to play with yourself for him.

"Somebody's needy," he chuckles, watching you intently. You circle your middle finger around your clit a few times before plunging your finger deep inside you. You and Eddie moan at nearly the same time.

"Don't make me wait all night, Eddie." Your low, sultry voice forces his hand onto his cock. He strokes himself, eyeballing the way your hands move to pleasure yourself.

"I think you'll be okay, sweetheart. Keep going." He towers over you, his rough voice cascading down to you like boulders down a hill. You do as he says, continuing to touch yourself while he does the same. You start fingering yourself faster, gasping lightly as your orgasm approaches.

Suddenly, your arm is yanked away.

"No!" You cry, replacing the hand with your other one only for it to be yanked away too. He pins both of your wrists above your head, positioning himself at your entrance. Your orgasm is quickly dissipating with nothing to rub against your aching clit.

"Just... Wait... A little... More..." Eddie hovers over you, one hand holding your wrists, the other sliding the head of his cock up and down your drenched folds. You writhe and squirm, desperate for contact, begging him to fuck you already. "Okay," he smiles deviously before slamming into you, hard.

"Eddie!" You moan as he glides in and out of you, low growls rumbling from his lips. His guitar pick necklace dangles in your face, brushing against the tip of your nose with each impaling thrust.

"You're so God damn tight, Y/N." His words are broken up by small grunts as he fucks you. "It's fucking unbelievable" You can't help but smile at his praise, happily taking all of him despite the dull pain of being stretched out so abruptly.

"I never thought I'd be hearing you say that to me, Eddie. Gotta be frank." You joke, still getting dicked into oblivion.

"I did," he winks, picking up his pace. Your moans get louder and louder, the pit in your stomach doubling by the second. Sweat clings to the curls around his face, securely gluing them to his jawline. Still fucking you, he rises up straight and sheds his jacket/vest before nearly tearing the shirt off his body.

He returns to his position over you, never breaking his stride. Sweat glistens down his body as his back curves and arches as he slams into you. Your breath begins to hitch in your chest from your orgasm building up.

"Eddie, I-I'm gonna-" he cuts you off with a hard kiss. He throws your legs over his shoulders, hungrily grabbing at your thighs as he fucks you over the edge. You arch your back as the waves of pleasure shoot through your core. You drench Eddie's pelvis in the evidence of your arousal, but he doesn't stop fucking you.

Instead, he flips you onto your stomach. He grips the hair on the back of your head and pulls roughly to get you to assume an all-fours position. You follow his silent directions and he slips himself back in your fucked out hole.

"Fuuuuuck," he sighs as he slides into you. "So fucking good." He mewls out above you, fucking harder and deeper into your pussy with each thrust. You try to protest, tell him it's too much, but he buries your face in the cushion and continues chasing his high.

"Eddieeee!" You scream, suddenly cumming yet again.

"Shut up, just a little more." He huffs angrily, stone focused on the way your back flexes as you fight to hold yourself up. You're a weak, fucked out mess by now, still taking his hard cock. High-pitched whines and cries leak past your lips as he continues, very suddenly picking up his speed at the last second.

"Oh my God, Eddie please!" You cry into the cushion. He thrusts a few times more before pulling out and finishing all over your round ass. Your legs finally collapse and you're laying face down, hair a mess, covered in sweat and cum that isn't your boyfriend's.

"Holy shit," Eddie fights to catch his breath.

"Have fun?" That's all you can say through your dicked down haze.

"Yeah," he sighs. "A lot better than I ever imagined it." He chuckles.

"How many times have you imagined it?" You raise, quizzically.

"Lots and lots of times, Y/N." He shines his famous downturned smile and winks. You feel the blood rise quickly in your cheeks.

#eddie munson imagine #stranger things 4 #stranger things 4 fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #requested #request

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cloudburst-ink · 1 year

Text

Tagged by @hedgewyse . It took me awhile to get around to it but I did finally! I originally stalled because I've only ever been actively involved in two ship communities. But then I remembered... the third one. Which I've never been involved in, but it's still important. 💀😂

three ships

Kim Khimhant Theerapanyakun / Porchay Pichaya Kittisawat

It's the passion. It's the obsession. It's the angst. It's the fluff. It's the flirting. It's the hidden smiles. It's the stalker4stalker. It's the complete and utter lack of communication skills. It's the sweet pathetic boys. It's the bittersweet ending. It's the fanfiction in fanfiction. It's...

... alright well a lot of it's just me simping over Jeff Satur.

Magnus Bane / Alexander Lightwood

This was my first ship. I wrote my first full novel length fic in this fandom, and I even have a tattoo about it! They will always hold a special place in my heart as the ship that sailed me back into my passion for art and writing.

Reylo

So um, here's the thing. I'm not in the Reylo fandom. I enjoyed the movies well enough, but didn't have any particular interest in them beyond "oh, that was fun to see in theaters, I enjoyed it."

Many years ago, however, before I was involved in fandom at all, a friend of mine sent me a link to a Reylo fic on AO3 that she was obsessed with. It's the only Reylo fic I've ever read.

Long story short (I'll elaborate in another post sometime if I'm ever asked), it ended my impending marriage and changed the course of my life.

I have no idea what the fic was called or whom it was written by.

One day I should track that author down and thank them. I mean obviously other factors played into it, I'm not completely unhinged (well, debatable), but it was the spark that lit the flame.

So anyway, these two will always be important to me even though I'm not part of their fandom. 🖤

Honorable Mentions

I'm currently obsessing over KimVegas, KimArm, and ArmKimChay. If you notice a common denominator, shhh no you don't. ✨ I just didn't feel right using them in the three because they're all just extensions of my KinnPorsche the Series / KimChay addiction. 😅

first ever ship

I generally consider Malec to be my first ship, as they were the first ship I was active in any fandom community for.

However, they're probably not really my first ship.

I was baited into fandom as an adult by a friend who lured me into watching The Vampire Diaries. I kind of shipped Delena, but assumed they wouldn't end up together because he was the second / bad boy love interest and that's just not how the formula goes.

Little did I know 😌 that universe is far too much of a clusterfuck to care about formulas and industry norms.

Anyway I did write an Elijah/Hailey fic and post it on FFnet when I first started writing again after years of no artistic endeavors whatsoever. It's still there, but I choose to pretend it isn't. Straight smut is not my forte. 😅 And it's... well, you can tell I was a bit rusty. 😂

last song

👀🤫😇

last movie

I tend to gravitate more toward TV shows than movies, so I think the last one I watched might've been over the holidays. It's a pretty great musical--Mrs. Santa Claus gets fed up with being taken for granted, takes the sleigh on a joyride, and gets temporarily stranded in early 1900s New York. While there she protests for women's suffrage, fights for the rights of child workers, helps to reunite a family divided by an ocean, and repeatedly demonstrates the spirit of acab.

Yeah, you heard me. It's socialist acab Mrs. C here to sing dank tunes and fight for your rights.

Highly recommend 10/10.

It's also on Youtube for free last I checked.

currently reading

The Prince's Poisoned Vow by Hailey Turner.

currently watching

The latest season of Miraculous Ladybug 🥺

currently consuming

I've been making a lot of duck soup lately. I'm a bit of a duck addict, and there's something so satisfying about making use of the whole carcass and watching it slowly turn into rich, wiggly stock and then the most wonderful soup with duck meat and bok choy and bamboo shoots and noodles. ✨

currently craving

a quiet, vibey cafe to write at, and some peaceful time to spend there. the gay donut shop i used to write at shut down. 😭

-----

I'll tag... @staykimchay and @justanothervariant if they haven't done it yet.

#tag game

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dribs-and-drabbles · 1 year

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#BADBUDDYREWATCH

Ep 1

A year ago, I knew I was going to love this show the moment Pran took his headphones out and the music stopped. And then he proceeded to pack away all his pens and stationary before going to help Wai. SOLD.

As much as I love that Korn and Wai are just friends by the end of the series, I also wish we had gotten an enemies-to-lovers arch with them too. Sigh.

Also, we were ROBBED of Pran's dad's tattoos...I see them there peeking out from under his collar...but I want to see moar!

I just realised it cut straight from the Valentine's Day scene as kids back to the fight...almost as if they were subliminally telling us these boys are gonna be in love (I know we knew that anyway but the juxtaposition of it!)

THE SONG. THE FRICKING SONG. OUR FRICKING SONG.

I'm STILL so salty that we never got the two groups walking together as in the opening credits clip. SO SALTY.

Pat's dad, "Back then they (architecture) always hit on girls from my faculty." He's not wrong there...since Pran went on to hit on Pat during their bet 😂

I've often wondered about Pat's shirt here - "turn up the saturation" - I guess it could symbolise how the return of Pran infuses Pat's life again with increased life, colour, happiness...everything really, even trials and tribulations. There's never a 'dull moment' anymore now they're back together.

The Freshy Day music festival started at 8 AM!

I just realised...Pat, Pran and the others must all be in their second year of uni already since they're not in the uniform of black trousers, white shirt, and tie. I'd always assumed they were all in the first year but now I realise that Pat's gone through a whole year of uni without Pran...a whole year of 'fierce eyes' and fighting and mis-directed energy. 🥺😭 Edit: The general consensus is that the show starts at the second half of their first year since the time-skip does say they go into 'year 2' in ep 7.

These young kids were SO GOOD.

Oh...Ohhhh...it's the way Pat and Pran use fists to fight, to fake-fight, and to put on a show of rivalry for others...but also to compromise, collude, and unify in secret. 🤯

Pran's so in love! But he's also so doomed! The dichotomy! 😂

#bad buddy #bad buddy series #badbuddyrewatch #bad buddy episode 1 #lin live-rambles the bad buddy rewatch #I didn't/don't really have time to join/make much this week #so this was the best I could do right now #I'm surprised I still had new thoughts or observations to make after all this time #HAPPY ANNIVERSARY bad buddy fans!

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shori · 1 year

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2022.09.29 Endless SHOCK @ Hakataza Theater in Fukuoka

Posting on my Tumblr so I can delete the thread on my Twitter and it looks better here than a series of 10+ tweets haha. I'm sad I didn't hit for SHOCK 2023 so time to relive seeing it last year. I got lucky and decided to just YOLO by applying for the self guided tour visa before borders opened back up officially like two weeks later lmao. I HAD TO GO since I'm a KinKi and Kisumai fan!

Koichi Zachou is really an oujisama 😍 Loved red hair Mitsu as rival. Wish I could have seen more shows because there's so much happening in all the scenes. Glad I got close seats in the 2nd floor especially to see Koichi's flying scenes in the second act 😭

9/29 13:00 show

I was so focused on Koichi at the beginning and I'm so used to Kochan's stage voice so when Mitsu first spoke I was like who omg it's HIROMITSU

I was very impressed with Mitsu's stage acting and singing just like many fans reported! His singing is very clear & smooth 💯

Matsuzaki & HIROMITSU are too cute as buddies. Zaki telling Mitsu to put his arms around Rika at the rooftop🙈 A few scenes I just laughed at their buddy bro dynamic.

Mitsu in the ❤️ patterned suit is cute 🥰 when he comes in with the bouquet & dances with Rika during It's a Wonderful Day. Man got guts to wear that heart patterned suit. Haha he's so charai just like how he is as idol... watch Kisumai Busaiku! 🤣

I think HIROMITSU is the happy go lucky charai rival that is more on KOICHI's level. He doesn't seem to get angry and is more sly and calculated.

I laughed at the Everybody Go lines 😂 I love the little references/adlibs. For my show since it was the day of Travis Japan's "world debut" announcement. After the rooftop scene they are crossing the stage~

Matsuzaki: There's a group making a world debut!

Mitsu on roller skates: Ehh Tora Tora..! 🐯🐯

Overall HIROMITSU gets along with everyone and have fun in the Company.

The solo for the rival, MOVE ON is such a good fitting song. I felt Shori had the cool youngster brash charisma in the performance. So it's nice to see how Mitsu's version has a different aura that was his own... he totally owned the stage. Dancing & charisma. 💯💯

I need to review the previous rivals and watch more closely but I can definitely see how others say Mitsu's version is different. I felt his version was more calm, diligent, and mature and more of KOICHI's equal. He didn't crumble emotionally and descend into darkness/violence or acted brashly right away...

It was a slowburn but when he finds out, KOICHI is really dead... After the Shakespearean act, HIROMITSU is lying on the floor distraught. The piano melody for Don't Look Back 〜戻れない日々 plays (love this song composed by Koichi! could we get a new OST version with Shori and Mitsu as vocals *biased*). This part always gets me with the rival, KOICHI, and the owner singing. here is where I first started to get sobby/cry a bit. I also cried at the end of Yori no Umi, then and there's HIROMITSU and the cast... The flashbacks of memories with KOICHI is shown...

Shimada Kaho who Koichi worked with in Knights' Tale played the Owner for the first time. She's a lovely lady and has such a elegant presence 😍 she has a softer speaking voice than Maeda Bibari-san but a powerful beautiful singing voice.

As always the second act is just amazing with the Japanese dance and flying scenes.

And the end is just 😭😭😭

Doesn't HIROMITSU look so intense!

Even knowing the general story with the acts and various performances... I understand why people still want to see it every year even tho the general story is the same but how the script changes with the different rival and how it evolves... There's a different atmosphere with each new rival/cast. For me, seeing the cast ensemble makes it interesting to watch with the chairman leading. I really hope to see Endless SHOCK again one day.

Scans by me from digital Weekly TV Guide & TV Guide Alpha

#endless shock #domoto koichi #kitayama hiromitsu

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randomvarious · 5 months

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Today's compilation:

70 Ounces of Gold: Golden Hits, Vol. II 1989 R&B / Soul / Pop / Girl Groups / Doo Wop / Rock & Roll

Pretty sweet, eclectic, and extensive slate of oldies here from New Jersey's Compose Records that gathers together a broad range of hits from the 50s and 60s. This second installment in the label's oddly titled 70 Ounces of Gold series—in which each minute of runtime is equal to an ounce(?)—comes with unmistakable standards on it, like The Kingsmen's pioneering piece of early 60s garage rock-proto-punk sloppiness, "Louie, Louie," which was such a strange song in its time that it even invited an investigation from the FBI into its slurred and barely intelligible lyrics for being potentially subversive 😂.

But there are some less remembered gems on here too, like B.J. Thomas' unfortunately overshadowed "Hooked on a Feeling," which ended up being much more famously covered by Stockholm's Blue Swede, with its iconically goofy "ooga-chocka" backing chant helping to take it all the way to #1 in the US in the early 70s, and its further inclusion on the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack enabling a massive resurgence for a newer generation as well. In my heart of hearts, though, I truly believe that the original B.J. Thomas version from the late 60s, which also happens to include some electric sitar on it(!), is the more superior rendition as a heartfelt pop tune.

And another overlooked oldie but goodie on this CD is The Esquires' "Get On Up," the debut single from this Milwaukee-based R&B group that went to #11 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #3 on the R&B chart. A really infectious tune that features some darling, harmonized male falsettos and also a brief vocal repurposing of a piece of melody from Eddie Floyd's classic, "Knock On Wood," which had only come out the year prior, and was later turned into a tremendous disco hit by Amii Stewart ⚡🌩.

So, just another well put together release of oldies here. Stone-cold classics whose inclusions don't come as a surprise at all, featured alongside some quality songs that haven't received nearly as much shine since their release. It's pretty much all you could ever ask for from one of these types of albums.

Highlights:

The Kingsmen - "Louie, Louie" Gene Chandler - "Duke of Earl" The Champs - "Tequila" The Dells - "Oh, What a Night" Wilbert Harrison - "Kansas City" Jerry Butler - "For Your Precious Love" The Shangri-Las - "Leader of the Pack" Dennis Yost - "Spooky" Mel & Tim - "Backfield in Motion" The Shirelles - "Mama Said" B.J. Thomas - "Hooked on a Feeling" Tommy Tucker - "Hi-Heel Sneakers" The Esquires - "Get on Up" Betty Everett - "It's in His Kiss"

#r&b #r & b #soul #soul music #pop #girl groups #doo wop #rock & roll #rock #classic rock #classic pop #oldies #music #50s #50s music #50's #50's music #60s #60s music #60's #60's music

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felixantares · 6 months

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7 please!!

Hi LT! (I knew you would be here with shrines questions eventually 😂❤️)

7. Where did the title come from?

OH I love this question!! All my titles come from Lord Huron’s Strange Trails album. I went back and forth on giving titles for the future fics, but I’m gonna bc i don’t care about spoilers and also i put too much work into my titles to let them go unheard lmao because who knows how long it’ll take me to finally write all 5 of these.

the series title, build me no shrines, sing me no songs, comes from Way Out There. Specifically this chunk of lyrics: “I belong bodily to the earth / I'm just wearing old bones from those that came first / There are many more flames when mine is gone / They will build me no shrines and sing me no songs” (but honestly the whole song is perfect for the series). The title and the original idea seed sort of came together, but it’s grown into it’s title as I’ve outlined I think. Harry’s doesn’t want to be a saviour. He’s just a kid fighting his hardest in a war that he didn’t start. Also the ‘wearing old bones’ bit is a fun reference to future arthurian shenanigans 👀

the title for the first fic/year three, a sign in the midnight sky, and the second, the heavens collide, both come from Until the Night Turns (“I had a visitor come from the great beyond / Telling me our time in the world is done / And to watch for a sign in the midnight sky” and “I had a vision tonight that the world was ending / And the sky was falling and time was bending / I watched the heavens collide right before my eyes). I won’t say much about the first because I know i said I don’t care about spoilers but that was a bit of a lie, that one’s a very big spoiler lmao but it’s basically just like beginnings and Harry’s world changing. the heavens collide though is Sirius and Regulus!!! they don’t really interact at all in the first fic and finally meet again at the start of the second fic so it’s all about their relationship. plus Harry starts getting visions, so that part is maybe a little on the nose…

into the endless night came from these lyrics from Meet Me in the Woods “I have seen what the darkness does / Say goodbye to who I was / I ain't never been away so long / Don't look back, them days are gone / Follow me into the endless night” which year 5 is a major turning point. It’s really for both Harry and Tom, how they’re both changed by the resurrection, and how there’s no way to undo what’s been done up to this point. Plus it’s a lot of Harry embracing the changes he’s been fighting the last two years.

the year 6 fic, darkness brings evil things, I used The Yawning Grave lyrics “Oh, you fool, there are rules I am coming for you / Darkness brings evil things, oh, the reckoning begins / I tried to warn you when you were a child / I told you not to get lost in the wild / I sent omens and all kinds of signs / I taught you melodies, poems, and rhymes”. I think in my outline this is one of the lowest points in the fic. A betrayal comes to light, the Order is losing, and Harry starts wondering if they’re all going to make it out of the war intact. Also lots more visions this year, so that’s the whole other chunk of lyrics.

the last fic I’ve got planned in the series is tear through the night, and the title comes from The World Ender (“The fair and the brave and the good must die / I seen the other side of living, I know heaven's a lie / I'll tear through the night, and I'll raise some hell / 'Cause I'm the World Ender, baby and I'm back from the dead”) which. just… yeah. I feel like this one explains itself honestly, and I’m not spoiling anything else lmao

That was probably a lot more than you meant when you sent that ask 😅 you stumbled into my secret Shrines title lore, sorry!

ask me things about my fic!

#bmns(smns)#felix talks #ask game

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spinsterennui · 1 year

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I was tagged by the lovely @archetypewriter ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much for thinking of me darling!!! Fair warning, though: you’ve asked *an English lit grad student* to answer questions in a written format. I hope you’ve learned your lesson lol. In my defense, I can’t help being verbose; it’s my nature!!! 😂😭

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!!!

Last song: XTC “Respectable Street”

Last show: Burn Notice

Currently watching: I always have the tv on in the background bc it reduces anxiety for me, but I’m not necessarily watching; it’s like white noise. The shows I’m actually watching are: Burn Notice, trying to finally finish Lucifer (the second half of season 6), and I’m going to try to get to Lucky Hank either today or tomorrow, despite my having a severe issue with large beards due to traumatic childhood parent issues. I honestly can’t decide if it’s a good thing that Bob has such a terrible beard in this show or not 😭 Like the fact that he’s playing an English professor might have been too indulgent for me without the off-putting facial hair lol.

Currently reading: Unfortunately I don’t read much for pleasure at the moment. A lot of this has to do with being so behind in my dissertation, which causes me to feel like I shouldn’t/can’t read anything that isn’t research; consequently, I end up just not reading. That said, I have been reading bits of Bob’s book A Load of Hooey, which is hilarious and ridiculous but is also easy to pick up and put down because it has a lot of very short parts. Books closer to my research: Killer Apes, Naked Apes & Just Plain Nasty People: The Misuse and Abuse of Science in Political Discourse by professor emeritus of anthropology at St. Lawrence University Richard J. Perry (a history and critique of biological determinism that is written for a non-academic audience — I highly recommend it) and, a more theory-based text, The Age of Scientific Sexism: How Evolutionary Psychology Promotes Gender Profiling and Fans the Battle of the Sexes by feminist/queer theorist and Distinguished Professor of critical theory and gender/sexuality studies at University of Toronto Mari Ruti (also fantastic albeit a bit dated as it’s from 2015 — Ruti has a very interesting writing style, but this book can be challenging for someone unfamiliar with theory and/or reading heavily academic texts).

Current obsession: I mean all apologies for being interminably repetitious, but Burn Notice (as well as Jeffrey Donovan in Burn Notice because a) he’s an incredible actor and b) he is seriously fucking hot in this role). I’m actually rewatching (yes AGAIN), but mainly because I realized that I hadn’t really been paying attention to seasons 1-2 during the rewatch.

When Better Call Saul ended I wasn’t really ready to invest in a totally new show (except for a couple of shorter ones), because it left me a tad despondent I suppose. I’d watched it from day one, back in 2015, after we’d binged Breaking Bad. So I saw that Burn Notice was streaming and thought “low stakes rewatch” because even though I watched the whole series when it originally aired, it ended back in like 2013 I think, and I’d honestly forgotten how good it is. Despite its flaws, it is such an entertaining and satisfying show. It has an incredibly strong and unique female character, and the way Michael and Fiona’s relationship develops (or re-develops) is fun and frustrating and emotionally rewarding at once. They’re both deeply flawed, deeply traumatized characters who love each other more than they love themselves, and slowly they both grow to realize that they can bring out the good in each other while helping to mitigate the bad. They save other people, that’s the sort of formula of the show beyond the burned spy part, but they also save each other, in more ways than one.

I really love shows that, at their core, turn out to be about something more substantial than what appears on the surface, particularly if that something is love in some form. When a show surreptitiously sneaks in a message about love, that show tends to stick with me so much longer and affect me so much more deeply. Better Call Saul, The X-Files, The Americans (admittedly in a fucked up way), The Glory, Lucifer, Leverage (which reminds me that I still need to watch the new one), or even Bates Motel (or Buffy/Angel in some ways) all, to one extent or another, have an underlying narrative of love (not just romantic, although that’s a fave for me), as well as related themes of identity (and what it means — like both what you choose and what others assign to you and how that affects your ability to be a fulfilled human), trauma and the aftermath, and family (both blood and found). These themes are quite overt in some of the shows I mentioned and less so in others, but in my opinion the threads run through them all. However, in Burn Notice they each are incorporated into the story incredibly well, which is a big part of what makes the show so compelling for me.

Okay, essay over!!!!! All apologies 😫 Anyway here’s a photo of a special birdie friend on my mantle (the spots are blacked out for privacy bc they are photos of my nephews) ❤️

I’m not going to tag nine people but I am tagging @veyzus @yellowginghamdream @tahiri-veyla @darkskywishes (though I haven’t seen them in a while so I hope all is well) and @nissameta1782 (I always feel weird tagging unless I know someone pretty well, which is weird bc I love being tagged by people I’ve never talked to before lol . . . go figure). Please don’t feel pressured!!! Ignore if you want ❤️

#tagged #long post #bc i am long-winded #i love that birdie so much btw #also please know that i’ve been playing no man’s sky on ps5 #and doing some bird watching #but not much photography bc my new camera is kinda hard to learn #and i collect mugs #and enjoy baking #in case y’all think i only watch tv/movies and reblog old men on tumblr dot com #👀😳#btw did anyone else ever watch that show touching evil the us version?#it has jeffrey donovan and vera farmiga #and i remember absolutely loving it but there was only one season??#that’s basically why i started watching burn notice in the first place is that show #bc he was sooooo good in it #sad usa cancelled it so quickly #also why did i feel the need to use italics????#we will never know

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darkerthanblack-666 · 1 year

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About my fic "Frozen"...

One of the posts of the series "no one asked", but I just need to release my thoughts into the void. Beware, spoilers incoming. If you still want to read it, don't bother with this post. Here's the fic if you're interested.

I'm not going to explain why I chose that song as a theme (you can read it in my fic comments if you're interested), because when I talk about something personal I don't like repeating myself (I wasn't in a good emotional state when I wrote it, either... for reasons I won't explain).

The topic I want to talk about is the tarot card I used there, it was three tarot cards in particular. The Fool, The Devil, and Death. The first two are very nice cards, but I'm going to talk about the last one here, because I find its symbolic and the topic it's related to very fascinating (I think it might be my favorite card in general, because I'm the local edgelady lmao).

First, I'll share the image of the card from my deck:

It's of course the death itself above the grave with the remains in it. There's a cat person (because the whole deck is cats) walking away from it.

The meaning of the card is transformation. Something dies, so something else has to start. The cycle of death and revival. NOT the actual death, so if you get that in your reading it rarely means something like that, usually it's the end of something. It has to die for something else to grow. It might be an intense, but beneficial change.

The zodiac sign associated with this card is Scorpio (which I have a huge mental boner for, like everyone knows already, I can never shut up about my Mars in Scorpio 😂) and its number is XIII, so it's pretty cool.

Now, on topic of my fic. The whole transformation into a vampire is literally dying and being revived as something else, something better, right? Your old, human shell has to die in order for a better being to grow out of it. First, Joel dies and Samy gets Taz (who's already a vampire) to revive him as one of his kind. He joins them, because he doesn't want to leave them (or be left alone), he's attached to his friends this much. That's one of the ways Death manifests itself in this fic.

Another one is Joel's suicide. He kills himself because of his broken heart and when he turns into a vampire, he's no more that sweet and sensitive man. He gets cold, humans are just food and sexual toys to him, he cuts himself off his emotional side. It's beneficial to him in a way, because he isn't in emotional pain anymore. Even Samy wants to keep Aleksi away from Joel, because his presence messes with his head. He wants to protect his friend from getting hurt again (especially after Aleksi says mean things about Joel... of course he has good reasons, but Samy knows Joel's past and he's protective over his friend's feelings).

One more meaning of Death is how it changes Aleksi. He's a very carefree, enthusiastic intern at a newspaper, wants to get a promotion and write something amazing that would get him the actual journalist job, so he risks a lot. He's The Fool, who plays with The Devil (Joel), which ends up in his own metaphorical Death when Joel almost kills him after biting him for the second time and drinking too much of his blood. When he wakes up, it's in his warm bed, with Joel being suddenly very soft with him and opening up about the trauma that caused him to become that emotionally "frozen" person.

In the end he promises to try to be nicer. It doesn't end with great love confessions, but with them agreeing to work on their issues together and treating each other with respect. It's a subtle, but very positive ending, because difficult relationships require work, not grand emotional displays and ignoring the issues.

So, that's basically it. I really like this fic and even if it's not popular (idk why tbh 😅), it's one of my favorites. If someone read all of my babbling until this point, thank you 💖

#.text

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eflen-n-reegee · 1 year

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Heyya!

There are some things I want to write (specifically: another Field Museum field trip (featuring stuff I got to see on member’s night) and CG headcanons for Father from the show “Raised By Wolves” - he’s such a freaking good dad!) but I’m probably not gonna get those written until at least June. (I work in a school and I’ve got some end-of-year burnout keeping me from writing.)

But I’ve been feeling smallish, so I thought maybe I’d rave about some of my favorite childhood movies (in no particular order). :)

A Troll in Central Park I swear, every single time we went to Blockbuster, I wanted to rent this movie. I just adored it, and I really still do. It just makes me really happy.

Lady and the Tramp This is one of my favorite Disney movies. It’s so pretty, and I love the characters.

Cats (1998) Is it a “kids movie”? No. Did I understand the plot? Barely. But by gosh, I’d put on a leotard and paint whiskers on my face, and I would dance around the living room like I’d been raised to play one of the characters. 😸

The Rescuers Down Under I actually wasn’t allowed to watch this for most of my childhood because my mom felt like the bad guy was “too evil” - she tried to be careful about the things me and my siblings watched when we were really young. (Although, kinda funny, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” was never restricted. 🤣) But I was able to watch it a few times, and I really liked it.

The Prince of Egypt The MUSIC! My gosh, even when I was too young to really appreciate the visuals, I knew the music was great.

The Muppet Christmas Carol We still watch this movie every Christmas. One year my dad was on the phone with my grandparents while we were watching, and he couldn’t stop laughing at “Jacob and Robert Marley”.

Pollyanna I don’t really know WHY I loved this movie so much - it’s so dialog-heavy and I had (and still kind of have) a pretty short attention span. Still, basically every time I was at my grandparents house I wanted to watch their copy of it.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks I guess some people say this movie was a “Mary Poppins” knockoff? Honestly, as much as I do enjoy “Mary Poppins”, I personally like this more. Maybe ‘cause I like witches.

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1997 English Dub) The characters! The story! The music! AAAAHHH! This is still one of my all-time favorite movies, and it bums me out so much that the 97’ version is so hard to find. (I may or may not have found it online and saved it to my computer so I’ll always have it. XD) I still have the VHS copy I got for Christmas when I was really little.

Homeward Bound & Homeward Bound 2: Lost in San Francisco Everytime I hear the theme music I feel giddy. I like the first one a little more, but they’re both such nice, feel-good movies.

The Lion King 2 - Simba’s Pride … I like this movie more than the first one. 😱😂 The original “Lion King” is great, but I just alway liked this one more. The colors, the songs, the characters (good gosh, Zira is one of my favorite villains ever, don’t even get me started). It’s just really good!

Oliver and Company As a kid this was probably one of my top five Disney movies. It’s not quite so high on the list now, but I still really love it.

Hap Palmer’s Baby Songs This is technically a series and not a “movie”, but this is my list so I’m gonna count it. 😆 They’re mostly original songs, they’re super catchy, and the accompanying videos are a lot of fun. Most of the songs are on Hap Palmer’s YouTube channel; I highly recommend checking it out. (Also: I did not grow up watching “Turn on the Music”, but it’s also really good.)

The Ruby Princess Runs Away This movie is available on YouTube, but please tell me if you ever saw it as a kid - none of my friends had and I couldn’t believe it. This was one of my favorite movies and I watched it so much I can still recite segments of it; a few years ago my sister picked a random scene, played a few seconds, and I gave her the next lines of dialogue. That’s how wild I was about it. 🤣 It’s honestly not a great movie, pretty average and without much of a budget, but I still love it.

#sfw age regression #sfw agere #age regression #eflen makes a list #favorite agere movies

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inkbutterflyuniverse · 2 years

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I was so excited for this new season that I was almost disappointed that there were only one episode, I thought there would began with two...

But anyway, I liked this episode and I have a lot of things to say !

First : Portwell, they are sooooo cute, like really. But I agree with Carlos and Kourt, it's too cute. If it's like this in every episode, I might end vomiting rainbows 😂

Second : I really loved that HSM/Camp Rock mashup, it was very cool!!

Third : Ricky. I need to talk about him. The more the series progress, the less I like him... I hope he will be better this season.

So, about Ricky, when they said he was with Lily I was like "yeah, predictable, I hope he will break with her soon". I'm happy he found the harness and didn't let her come up with some lame excuse! He finally took a good decision! His song was nice, but I don't know why it didn't hook me that much... I thought the rythm was very similar to Let You Go... But I will listen to it again to have a real opinion on this song!

Not sure what to think about his arrival to the camp. He was really like "hey it's me! You didn't see that coming, ah!", plus, as a Portwell stan I didn't like seeing him ruining their moment. I hope they won't break up because of him because I'm already pissed by him, just because of this and the trailer.

In the trailer, he said he didn't even know the names of the male characters in Frozen. You can't try at the audition without knowing anything. He did that with HSM at first, and fir Beauty and the Beast he got the role just because Miss Jen knew him. I hope that he won't be Kristoff with Gina as Anna.

Fourth: I liked the discussion between Miss Jen and Nini, it showed that both of them are in a situation they don't appreciate, but because it's for their loved one, they accept it. For Miss Jen, I think this trip with Mr Bowen will make them realize that liking each other is not enough, and they have too many differences to be together.

For Nini, I don't know if this trip will bring her the spark she's searching for... I just wants her to be happy, after the year she had!

Fifth: I had to talk about the new characters: I absolutely love Maddox/Gadget, she seems very fun! I think Jet is this kid who is because if his parents but will appreciate the camp! For Dewey Wood, I feel bad for him, the joke that EJ made wasn't mean, but I feel like it's something they do every year and he just don't like it. It was bold of him to let a kid direct the show, but it's not like he had other options!

About Corbin, I wasn't expecting him to stay at the camp because he was a guest, but I understand why they misunderstood this! I'm excited to see him again and I NEED THIS DOCUMENTARY TO BE A REAL THING. It would be very cool to have this at an add-on for the series!!

My global review is that I liked this episode, it was a great begining for season 3 ! I can't wait to see the next episode, next week!

#hsm the musical #hsm the series #hsmtmts #portwell #3x01 #happy camper #i don't like Ricky

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residentdormouse · 2 years

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✨🎶💖🧐🤯

Fanfic Writer Emoji Asks

(Original Post)

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Ha! Ummm... (Avoid self deprecating humor, avoid self deprecating humor) I think I'm pretty good at keeping the character voices consistent. At least, I hope I am. Characters and character development are my favorite part of any story, and I want to stay true to the characters I fell in love with (or want to punch in the face - both ends of the spectrum.)

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I have more playlists than I know what to do with 😂. I mostly organize them by character, but I have a full story one for Just Keep Diving Down. That said, I don't usually write with music. I need to hear their voices in my head. I will listen to music as I'm first planning the scene, and while I'm doing revisions before posting.

As for looping a song currently (which I also do more than I probably should):

💖 What made you start writing?

AO3 had no Glen centric fics. None. Zero. Nothing. Every other fandom, I could go to AO3 and read multiple takes for my characters. No worries, I could fnd what I was looking for. But this is a tiny fandom, and the new series didn't really get much publicity. Glen stole my whole damn heart, I couldn't sit by and let this be. @impuretale gave me the encouragement to try, and a few panic attacks later, I posted Spiral 😂 So here I am, pool noodling it in the ocean.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

Another thing I probably shouldn't openly admit, but eh, fuck it.

So as for the Stand itself. I watched the '94 series and read the book prior to watching the '20 series. Didn't get massively hooked, enjoyed it but moved on. But this new series, and Glen specifically. Hyperfix accepted. So I watched it repeatedly. Reread the book a few times, bought the comic series, rewatched '94 (even though their Glen is not the take I attached to clearly 😂).

As for overall Stephen King elements, and Flagg's background... I won't lie, I've been wiki'ing a LOT. So if a Dark Tower series fan wants to come here and call me on my bullshit, they most certainly can.

In regards to general research, I really don't want to know what Google search thinks of me... 😬 Dumbass for some of the words I look up because I question myself and second guess way too much for my own good. Concerning for some of the health and recovery effects I've searched (blame Harold and Lloyd and Nadine and Flagg and...) I'm probably on a watch list somewhere...

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Ok, not exactly 'genre' per say, but coming from the 'Totem of Obscenity', seems appropriate that I answer Smut here 😂 I took creative writing in college, and playwriting, and some workshops. They don't exactly teach that, y'know? 😬 So I tried, because why not, right? It's what would be happening in the story whether I write it or fade to black, so might as well try my hand. But not exactly something I excel at.

#thank you for the Asks!!!#i take way too long to answer these 😂

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rebelwhodoesntknow · 10 months

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Ahhhh my godh I'm so happy seeing someone get this much into Aikatsu this late!!! It's so long it's a little daunting to most people I've recommended it to and a lot of people can't see past the first season's animation quality, so i just haave to hope random new people will just find it on their own

Your thoughts on Ichigo and Akari was the general consensis in the fandom too, most people love them both but Akari didn't have as much luck thrown her way (I am not trying to throw shade at ichigo at ALL I adore everyone in aikatsu and that's that!!!)

I found aiaktsu because the music kept getting recommendeto me and something about the original series music is that, to A LOT of people, they just sound like songs, and not the typical insert songs in anime, so a lot of people enjoy them even if they typically don't care for idol music

the music has stayed in my life for so many years now and it really is so fun to sing 😭💗💗💗 (I will check out your playlists soon, I love seeing which ones people like best!!)

Same about choosing an idol type oh my GOD!!? like my favorite brands are fuwafuwa dream, dolly devil, angely sugar and I would kill to wear all of them literally what type is that 😂

Yeah I really wish I had gotten into Aikatsu when it had an active fandom! It seems somewhat dead now :(. I blame Planet although I haven’t seen it lol. I got into it in a very similar way to you. I liked Precure and kept watching their 3D ending dances on YouTube and then kept getting Aikatsu stages recommended to me.

You’re right about the music, i really like it all despite the fact that I’m not typically into jpop at all! Perhaps it’s the liberal use of brass in many of the songs? Idk but the horns go hard in Aikatsu. I’m also just baffled by how many different genres of music there are! You have goth rock, not rock but still gothic, things that verge on pop punk (Sweet Spice mostly), techno-adjacent, standard idol stuff but really good, and something that sounds like it could be played at a ren faire? In one anime? Like holy shit! (Seriously how did the writers come up with Hadashi no Renaissance like what was in the concept room when they thought that up)

You mentioned how bad the animation was in season one, and yeah… I wish I could have seen Glass Doll in the new animation. so now I have to ask: what’s your favorite cg style of the series? Mine is the og from season 2 onward, with Friends coming in second. Stars’ cg always but a weird uncanny valley for me at certain moments, I think it has something to do with the mouths. But it’s still leagues above the og.

If there were to be a new series I think it’d be cool to explore more of how idol types are selected and maybe have a character without one! Maybe I’m just self-inserting though fjfjfjhdjsk but talking about this is so fun!!

#aikatsu

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