So I just found out that irl!ranpo is gay????

So the story is that I was just scrolling through tumblr for a bit and found a post that say(questioning) that ranpo is gay and I was like

"Wait,Huh? WHAT!??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN IRL!RANPO IS GAY!??"

(Here the link if you wondering)

I was shocked I was completely shocked like my mind was just repeating a sentence

"Irl!ranpo is GAY??!"

So I calm down a bit go to Google and search and found a reddit post kinda explaining the part "irl!ranpo is gay"

So the gist of it was ranpo and his friend name Iwata who was anthropologist that spent years researching the history of homosexuality in Japan, during the 1930s edogawa and Iwata had a competition to see who could find the most books about erotic desire between man.

Edogawa dedicated himself finding books published in the west and Iwata dedicated himself finding books published in japan

But unfortunately, iwata died in 1945 leaving with only part of his work published so edogawa worked to have the remaining work on queer historiography published.

And there was also this too "Vision and Putrescence: Edogawa Rampo Rereading Edgar Allan Poe"(you will also find this in the reddit post link that I put up there) that talk about his sexual indentity and heterosexual love? (Idk know how to explain it though but if i have to sum it up I will take a page from the reddit post and said "A quote verifying that Edogawa Ranpo was almost certainly gay.")

This is why I love irl author fact so much like, they have things about them that we don't know yet and when we find out it just leave us completely shocked

Like seriously iam so completely shocked right now to the point that iam completely ignoring my homework to write this

(Also a reminder iam not a researcher who did some kind of in depth research about this, this post is just me finding some kind of fact about irl!author if there is any misconception then iam sorry also if you want to discuss more about this then feel free to comment in the tag or the comment section but I will not accept any hate comment if you don't like it just scrolled past it this will not affect your life)

P.S: while I was writing this I just remember that I have some post that I haven't finished and edited or post yet but if you curious about it then I could said one is about kinda related to jouno, one is atsushi and one is just random, I might post it if I have the motivation but maybe it will take a while

Hey idk if I’ve asked for this before but can you do nsfw Bakugo x fem reader fic, where you do work studies with him. He’s obviously going to be a little older 3-6 years, and you two have know each other since you were kids and he’s always just been a little nicer to you and cared about you more than others, and when you are working with him you get hurt and he flips out. You’re really confused and your like “wtf why do you care this isn’t affecting your job” and he gets mad your not getting the hint that he cares about you in a “not friendly” way, he ends up tch’ing and just says frick it and confesses that he has feelings for you and you’re just like cool I reciprocate and he’s like “with”... it just gets frisky from there... Idk if this is like a thing you might be interested in writing about, but like it just an idea😃... Anyways I love your work please keep it up🥺(sorry for any grammatical errors I’m writing this at 2:30am)

What Took So Long? - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugo x f!reader

Warnings: NSFW, f!receiving, mutual pining, angst, injury, fluff, cursing, all the good stuff

BAKUGOU”S MASTERLIST

Summary: you and Katsuki have been close friends for forever, how long is it gonna take to realize both your love is mutual?

Growing up, you and Katsuki got along really well. You knew him before he got his quirk so you got to see his non-egotistical self. You saw the him that was kind and caring and he always looked out for you, always took care of you, always was there for you. In your eyes, you thought he thought it was in a big brother kinda way. Oh how that changed once you both became teenagers.

You both made it into UA, of course at different times, but you still kept in touch. You guys hung out like, everyday! It was always wake up, FaceTime, go to school, text throughout the day, and meet and go to either your house or his. It was like there was nobody else in the world except you two.

Throughout the years, you developed a small crush on the blonde boy. What went from a small crush turned into love. To you, it was unreciprocated love. He was 3 years older than you! He had to have seen you as a little sister. It only made sense! When you came to that terribly incorrect realization, you pushed back your feelings. What you had with Katsuki was special! You’re friendship meant the world to you. It didn’t matter if you wanted more, what you had was already perfect, there was no way it could’ve gotten better than this.

—

This. These moments. These memories being made with Katsuki kept you sane. As you both cuddled up and watched a trashy reality tv show in your room on your computer, you both threw popcorn at the screen at the cringe scenes.

“BoooooOOOOO!!” You both said as you threw a handful of the buttery snack. You both laughed at the moment as you settled down again. With you both laying on each other, your head on his, while his own rested on your shoulder, you were sure both of you would get neck pains the next day.

“So,” Katsuki started up a conversation, “how’s your third year at UA?”

“Ugh, don’t get me started. Classes got crazy hard outta nowhere. BUT, lucky for me, I have a UA graduate to help me out!” You said while nudging his arm.

“No way teddy bear, you’re finishing that on your own. As a graduate, that means I don’t gotta deal with that bullshit anymore.” He said as he popped some pieces of the snack into his mouth. With that, you pouted. Something he noticed and thought was insanely adorable. He poked your plump lips and told you, “hey, I’m helping you by letting you do your work study at my agency. You’re very welcome for that.”

“Helping? Suuukkiiii, you barely let me go out and fight. How am I supposed to get experience and actually do my work study if I don’t...you know..WORK?” You whined out. Katsuki had always been avoiding this topic. Yeah, he let you get your credits by going to his agency, but he never let you do any real hero work other than paperwork. Don’t get me wrong, you loved hanging out with him as much as you could, but it was beginning to get boring not doing anything at the agency.

“Y/N, no. You’re getting enough experience. Paper work is a big part in the life of a Pro,” he argued.

“Yeah, well saving people and actually getting out there in the field is a bigger part in the life of a pro.” You rebuttled as you flopped down next to him. You looked at him with puppy eyes and he knew what was coming.

“No.”

“Pleaseee Suki!”

“No.”

“Pleaseee!!”

“Nope.”

“Sukiiiiiii!!” You whined while tugging at his arm. He sighed before answering.

“One job, WITH ME, and that’s all you get.” He said while staring at you with a stern look. You smiled and jumped in the air.

“YESSSS!!”

—

So now here you are, on job number whatever. You weren’t sure how many you’ve actually been on because ever since your first job with Katsuki was a huge success, he let you join him more and more. You were almost like a partner to him now, fighting crime together. Except this time...things went a little south.

As the villain struck you down mid air with his quirk, you fell to the ground with a now burned arm. Katsuki saw red. No fucking way. No way in HELL is he going to let some shit faced freak bring harm to his teddy bear, his world, his best friend, and the love of his life. Yup. Katsuki Bakugou fell for his best friend. But could you blame him? You knew him better than anyone else, you guys got along so well, you were absolutely gorgeous and he was sure he’d give his life for you. 100%. So when this scum bag thought he could try and ruin you, he saw red. Blasting him a thousand times over and once he was sure he was out cold, battered, bloodied, and bruised he ran to check on you.

You were sitting on the ground holding your left arm where the burn mark was. Your costume was tattered and your head felt like it was gonna blow. Katsuki came along and didn’t really help with that all too much.

“YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!” He screamed. Oh, the throbbing your head had only increased with his booming voice.

“You see?! This is exactly why I hate bringing you along! You’re always gonna get hurt!” He said as he picked you up off the ground to help you stand.

“Of course I’m gonna get hurt Dynamight, my job as a hero includes a little beating every now and then for the sake and safety of others!” You replied, raising your voice as well.

“You’re NOT a hero Y/N!” He said as he reached out for your arm.

“Yet! Not yet at least! But I will be!” You replied while pulling away from him. His eyes were shaken and it was clear he was mad. You pushing his buttons didn’t help soothe his anger either.

“NO YOU WONT. Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! YOU ALREADY GOT HURT ON SUCH A SIMPLE JOB, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?!?!?” Bakugou heard the words he said and he thought he was doing the right thing. Granted, he knew the delivery was bad, but his message was in there. He didn’t want Y/N to be hurt. If she died on the battle field, Katsuki wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Y/N can’t be a hero, for her safety and his sanity. He loved her too much to have to watch her take beating after beating. However, Y/N took it in a completely different way.

“Are you trying to say I can’t be a good hero?!” You asked filled with anger and hurt.

“Y/N,”

“It’s H/N, Dynamight. That’s the name you’ll address me as for when we’re on the job. That’s the name you’ll have to get used to because I will be a hero!” You exclaimed.

“You can’t be a hero Y/N! You’re gonna get hurt! You always get hurt! You’d be more of a burden on a mission instead of an advantage! So just stop trying ‘Cuz you’re never gonna make it!” He screamed at you. Is this what he really thought of you. That you were weak and wouldn’t be able to do jack shit? As your eyes began to water, you walked away from him in silence.

“Y/N...where are you going?” He asked you as he followed.

“Recovery girl. She’ll heal me up and I’ll be perfectly fine.” You simply stated.

“At least let me help you,” Bakugou said as he tried to reach out to you, but you only stepped away from him again, which made his heart hurt a little.

“Don’t touch me, Bakugou. I’ll be fine on my own.” You said.

“Bakugou? Who the fuck are you talking to teddy bear?” He said as he got all up in your face. You only rolled your eyes and stepped to the side. You used your quirk to get into the air and travel faster. In the dust, you left behind a confused and hurt Katsuki.

“Uhh....Okay! See you later for movie night!” He yelled out as he watched you fly off. You’d still show up, right? Yeah, you’d show. You always spent everyday together after school and work so it only made sense...right?

—

Well he was wrong. Really wrong. It’s been a week since you last spoke to him, the longest it’s ever been, and he was starting to get into a depressing cycle. Wake up, call Y/N. No reply. Get ready, spam her. No reply. Go to work, text Y/N throughout the day. No reply. Get out of work, go home, shower, eat dinner, do whatever while stalking your social media, go to bed, spam a little more, call twice more, and still. No reply. He misses his teddy bear.

Y/N doesn’t even go to her work study anymore. She’s been doing everything she could to avoid Bakugou, and he’s noticed it all too well. He still gave her the credits, he wanted her to pass of course, but he was also tempted to stop doing that just so she could show up and see him. Thankfully he didn’t.

Now here lies Bakugou Katsuki, watching a movie by himself again, hoping his crush and best friend would show up. But again, like every other night for the past week, she hasn’t shown. The end credits roll in and Bakugou sighs as he looks down, thinking back to all he said.

‘Y/N ITS SO OBVIOUS YOU’D MAKE A SHIT HERO! ... DO YOU HONESTLY THINK ANYBODY WOULD BE WILLING TO DEPEND ON YOU FOR THEIR SAFETY?! ... you’re never gonna make it!’

Bakugou flopped down onto his bed.

“Great idea Katsuki, tell your dream girl she won’t ever reach her goals. That’ll win her heart,” he sarcastically said aloud as he cringed at his own thoughts. Bakugou just let a few tears fall, before rolling over and going to bed. He had patrol in the morning, maybe it’ll get his mind off of Y/N.

—

Orrrr maybe not. Because here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight, following around his 18 year old crush as she walked home after getting some coffee from their favorite cafe. Should he have been on patrol keeping the city safe? Yes. But was he going to take this chance to talk to Y/N to fix this shit? Yes.

Once Y/N made it to her doorstep she heard a voice behind her.

“Glad you made it home safe..Maybe we could pick up on that trashy reality show now that we’re both here,” Katsuki said while trying to joke around. Y/N only rolled her eyes at the hero and attempted to put her key into the lock. Katsuki was quick to react though. He snatched her keys out of her hand before speaking again.

“Y/N please! I can’t live like this! I can’t live without you in my life. You’ve been absent for a week and it’s been driving me insane!” He said while holding onto your wrist.

“Katsuki, give me back my keys.” You calmly said.

“Y/N, just hear me out.” He also calmly said.

“And listen to you say what Katsuki?! That I’ll never be a hero? That even if I was I’d be a terrible one? That I should just give up and stop trying?! Don’t worry, I already have. So now, let me go-“ Bakugou shut you up with a kiss. You were shocked and froze up. He kissed you with such passion and you melted into it, closing your eyes and letting him hold you as he pleased. He speperated from you before speaking again.

“You are not a terrible hero. Y/N you’re one of the strongest people I know. If anything, you’d be a better hero than me...but if you got hurt, I don’t know what I would do.” He said looking down. You turned your head in confusion at his small confession.

“Katsuki?..”

“When you got hurt that day, I was livid. I almost killed that guy, just for scorching your arm. There are so many worse things that could happen to you when you do become a pro and the fact that I freaked out so bad over a little burn is insane! I just want you to be safe. I can’t let you risk your life when I need you hear with me the most...... I can’t let the girl of my dreams get hurt.” He said while placing his forehead on yours.

“When I become a hero, I’d be taking on an oath to put others before my own. And that’s what I choose to do. I’m gonna get banged up from time to time and I understand you’re worried about me, but you have to trust me when I saw I’ll always come back to you. I love you Katsuki.” With that, Bakugou slowly moved in to give you another kiss. This time, you kissed him back, letting your hands travel to his soft, golden hair as he pressed you up against the door.

You heard him unlock your door during the kiss, and as he separated he spoke.

“Let me show you just how much I love you Y/N.” He pushed open the door and continued to make out with you. Kicking the door to close it, he pushed you up against the wall. There he picked you up, and groped your ass, earning a moan from you. With your mouth open, he slipped his tongue in, tasting all of you. He walked to your bedroom, kicking open the door this time, and shutting it the same way as before. He dropped you onto the bed as you both giggled in excitement. You noticed something though. He was still in hero gear.

“Shouldnt you be on patrol, Dynamight?” You asked as he came up to kiss your neck and you pulled him in closer.

“Dynamight has something better to do right now, Teddy Bear. And you know what?” He asked while putting his face right infront of yours.

“Tell me what, hero.”

“That’s the exact name I want you screaming.” He smirked. He tore off his top and mask before taking off your own. He then attacked your breast. He pulled off your bra before taking a second to admire your perfect curves. He squeezed a mound in one hand before taking in the other one with his mouth, biting at your nipple. Leaving hickies all over your chest, he was proud to see the purple marks that now adorn your upper body. He pulled down your pants and kissed your inner thighs. Right at the center was his treat. He pulled at your panties and stuffed them in his pocket.

“Hey!” You said after you noticed what he did.

“My little souvenir. Don’t worry about it princess, I’ll buy you more.” He kissed up on your legs and saw your arousal glistening. He licked his lips as his ruby eyes dialated. He was excited. He took an experimental lick as you moaned at the feeling and he savored the sweet taste. He could help himself, he dove right in for more. As his tongue lapped up against your clit, you moaned out in pleasure.

“Mm...yess Suki! Oh fuck right there..” you said as you pulled on his hair. He smacked your thigh, receiving a yelp from you.

“That’s not my name, princess~” he smirked against your pussy. He stuck his tongue in you and you cried out even more.

“F-Fuck! Dynamight, pleasee...more!” He squeezed your ass in approval as your legs began to shake. He knew what was coming and used his fingers to rub against your bud.

“Fuck..cum for me princess, cum in my mouth and let your hero taste you.” He said as your squirted in his face and Bakugou suck your clit, collecting all your sweet nectar.

“What a good girl,” he said as he came up to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

“You ready for the main event?” He asked while giving you this cocky grin.

“Please..” you whined out.

“Please what, princess? You’re gonna need to be specific.” He knew what he was doing. He wanted you to beg. And you were going to do it.

“Mm..Please Dynamight! Please fuck me with your cock! Please fuck my pussy!” You begged. He smiled and smacked your ass.

“Good girl.” He said as he pulled down his hero slacks and stepped out of the material. Here he was, Pro-hero Dynamight and your now ex best friend completely stripped infront of you. His member hanging out with a hard erection and your eyes went wide at the length. He noticed this and tilted your chin up so your E/C diamonds could meet his eyes. “Don’t worry, it’ll fit,” he kindly said.

“Doubt it,” you sarcastically replied.

“Then we’ll make it fit, Princess.” You bit your lip in excitement. He pumped his cock a few times before placing the tip at your entrance. He rubbed his tip up and down you slit as he spoke.

“I’ve wanted this for so long princess, and now I’m finally gonna make you mine.” He said before he slammed in as you both cried out in ecstasy.

“Oh-oh my god..” you whimpered. He peppered your face in kisses to distract you from the pain. Once you adjusted to his size, you begged him to move.

“Please..more.”

With your permission, he began to thrust in and out of your heat, with hard, slow strokes. Both of you moaning as the sensation. The way he filled you up completely was euphoric. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, moaning into it as he picked up his pace a little more. You could hear his grunts and soft moans as he sped up, enjoying the way your pussy held him tight.

“Mm...Harder, Dynamight...F-Faster..please!” You whined. Katsuki listened, and he listened well. His strokes went deeper, his speed increased, and he fucked you harder than ever as he went up to your ear.

“Yeah...you want it harder?...deeper?....Mm fuck, faster princess? You like it rough? You like how Dynamight fucks your tight little cunt?” He asked while you cried out in pure pleasure.

“Y-yesss. Oh my god yes Dynamight. Fuck me just like this...ahhh!” Bakugou grabbed onto your ass with both his hands as he pummeled into you. You gripped his hair and he moaned at the feeling. He sucked on one of your tits as he looked at you. God, you were gorgeous. The blush that covered your face, you mouth hanging open with a slight smile as moans fall from it, and your eyes looking up like you’ve been fucked stupid.

“Oh..I’m gonna cum! Please, I’m gonna cum!” You moaned out.

“Not yet Teddy bear. Hold it,” he said as he gave your ass a hard smack and pulled out of you. You whined at the loss of his cock and looked at him with begging eyes.

“Turn around princess. I want you on all fours.” He simply said as he continued to pump his cock.” You moaned at the sight of it and smirked to yourself. He watched as you dragged your hand to your center and began playing with yourself.

“And if I don’t listen?” You smiled as you moaned at the way your fingers rubbed at your pussy. Bakugou grabbed your hand and got in your face before you could go any further.

“Then the brat who wants to cum so bad will cum for me 100 times over as her punishment.” He said as a threat but you only took it the best way possible.

“Sounds fun..Katsuki.” With that, he yanked your hand away from yourself and flipped you over before slamming back into you from behind and smacking your ass again and again.

“Ohh fuck...Ah...you think you’re funny, huh y-you brat? Let’s see how funny you are when I fuck you so dumb the only thing you’ll know is my name.” He said as he pounded into you. Your cried were muffled as you screamed into the mattress.

“Don’t do that, princess, I wanna hear your pretty cries,” he said as he yanked your hair, lifting your head up. He grabbed onto your neck and kissed you as you both loudly moaned into it. He squeezed your neck ever so lightly but tightly as he placed his forehead on yours to look down at where you both meet and become one. He sped up at the sight.

“I bet you love this. I bet you love having Dynamight’s cock deep inside you. Can you feel me? Huh? Feel me in your guts? Feel my big dick deep inside you?” He asked as he looked back at you.

“Y-Yesss! Oh f-fuck...ohhh so big!” Bakugou smiled at your comments and felt you squeeze around him.

“S-shit...you gonna cum? Gonna come on this big dick?” He asked as his hand traveled to you pussy, rubbing at your clit.

“Do it! Do it now, cum on my cock!” You squirted around his cock and Bakugou continued to fuck you through your orgasm and you cried out, and your upper body fell to the mattress. His hands grabbed at your waist as he pounded your pussy. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and bit his bottom lip as he threw his head back moaning out.

“Fuck! Ohh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum. You want my cum princess? Can I fill your pussy with my cum?” He asked while looking down at you. You had little tears poking at the ends of your eyes due to the mass amount of pleasure and Bakugou came at the sight. His thrust stopped as his hips met your ass in a final push, while his cum went deeper into your pussy, filling you to the brim. You both cried out as he finished and he kept himself in there for a little until you both caught your breath. He kissed up your spine to your cheek as he pulled out and layed down next to you.

As he pulled you closer to him he could hear your soft voice.

“A-amazing...Suki.” You said as you nuzzled into his neck. He only smiled as he realized you forgot.

“I hope so, cuz we’re not done teddy bear.” He said while smirking. Your eyes went wide as you looked at him in shock.

“Your punishment. Remember? I want you cumming on my cock a 100 times over. I don’t even want you to be able to walk for the next week.” He said while looking you right in his eyes. You took on his little challenge and straddled his waist before pumping his cock a few times and hovering over it. He watched the whole thing and licked his lips at you.

“Fine then Dynamight,” you said as his hands traveled to your hips. “Show me what you got,” you said as you slammed back down on him releasing cries from both you and him. This was gonna be a fun, long night.

—

After rounds 2, 3, 4, and 5, you both lie on your bed completely fucked out as you held onto each other. Bakugou was contempt as he held you under his chin and thought you were asleep. You were only resting your eyes with a soft smile on your face. Bakugou kissed the top of your head before softly speaking.

“I’m so sorry for everything I said teddy bear. You are the most amazing person in the world. I just don’t want you to be hurt. I wanna protect you for the rest of my life. I love you with my everything and I really want you to officially be mine. When you wake up, I’m gonna tell you all of this.” Bakugou sighed. Now it was your turn to speak.

“You don’t have to wait Suki,” you softly spoke as Bakugou looked down at you in shock. “I already heard it all, and I want to officially be yours too.” You said while looking right at him.

“Heh..I thought you passed out,” he teased.

“Well then I guess you’re not as good as you thought, Dynamight.” You teased back.

“You tryna say I didn’t fuck you good enough princess?! Cuz I still got enough for one more round that’ll be sure to shut your mouth real quick!” You only laughed at his little outburst.

“I’m good Suki. Trust me, you did more than enough.” You said.

“You’re damn right. And by the way you were screaming my name, I’m sure of it.” He proudly stated.

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes and softly spoke. You both gently laughed at the teasing and embraced each other once more, but this time a little tighter.

After a few peaceful moments of silence, you heard him speak up.

“So..you’re being serious about really wanting to be mine..right?” Bakugou asked with worry laced in his voice.

“Of course I’m serious Suki. I don’t wanna be anybody else’s but yours.” You said in the cutest voice. Bakugou blushed at the confession.

“Ok then teddy bear. You’re mine now, and I’m never gonna let you go again.” He whispered. “I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too Suki.”

—

“WHERE WERE YOU?!?? A BANK WAS ROBBED, MULTIPLE PEOPLE WERE MUGGED, AND 2 VILLAIN BRAWLS BROKE OUT ON YOUR PATROL MAN!! ARE YOU GOOD?!?” Red riot screamed into the phone.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m great actually, a lot of good stuff happened on my patrol.” Bakugou said as he drank from his glass of water.

“Dude. Seriously?” The red head said in disbelief. What could possibly make up for all the crimes committed on his best friend’s watch?!

“Seriously. Gotta go, talk to you later shitty hair.” Katsuki said as he hung up the phone. As he finished cooking, he brought two plates of food to the couch for Y/N and himself. He had to carry Y/N there.

“What was all that about?” Y/N asked as she took a sip from her cup and turning away from the trashy reality show you both were watching.

“Just another reason why you’d make a better hero than me, teddy bear.” You awed at the compliment and cuddled into him. If only you knew how serious he was being.

Kirishima would know. For he was the one running around like a mad man trying to stop all the crimes committed due to his best friend being absent thanks to his horny desires.

A/N: YAYYY MY FIRST REQUEST! I really enjoyed writing this one and I’m sorry if it wasn’t exactly what you were looking for. I’m hope you enjoyed it tho! Feel free to drop more request for me to do!💗🧸

P.S. New series coming on the way!

gotta know how u think billy would be as a dad with his kids :D

I had so many requests for Dad!Billy headcanons 😭

I hope you're ready for this chaotic ramble.

Please remember this is my Billy I'm writing

-

You know those parents who take like a million pictures of their kid and show them to everyone? The kind that talks about their kid nonstop to anyone who'll listen? Their family, friends, the poor random old lady at the store that just wants to buy some damn milk.

That's Billy.

He's such an unbelievably proud parent, his pride for his kids knows no bounds. It doesn't even need to be some kind of milestone worth celebrating, everything his kid does makes him proud. You better believe when his baby has an explosive crap and ruins their clothes, he's boasting about it the next day to Frank and the guys at Anvil.

-

He's incredibly protective. Murder is a possibility if his kids in danger. He wants nothing more than to keep his kids safe. If they're being bullied, it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the kids ass for doing that to his kid. He's not above picking a fight with the bullies dad though if they don't get their little shit head in check and also making it known to the principle that this shit won't fly with him.

~

"Mr Russo, I don't think you understand how serious this is. Your son broke a kids nose," the principle mutters with a glare.

Billy tilts his head, regarding the teacher with those unsettling eyes that has the old man squirming in his seat.

"You’re damn right he did," Billy replies seriously, a proud tone to his voice. His dark eyes cut to his left where his son is, practically his double. As Billy smirks, unable to help himself, his son wears the same one although he's lowering his head to hide his amusement.

"We don't tolerate that behaviour here, Mr Russo," the principle huffs. Billy's eyes harden then as his eyes narrow, sitting forward in his chair just the right amount to be imposing. The second the man leans back he knows it worked.

"You know what I don't tolerate? My kid bein' bullied. You assholes won't do shit to stop it, so I say let the little fucker get a taste of his own medicine. Serves him right for messin' with a Russo," he smirks wickedly.

~

He teaches them self defence, wanting them to be able to look after themselves if it ever came down to it. Naturally, for their 16th birthday, they're gifted with a big ass knife.

-

Billy as a dad is so stupidly soft.

We all remember the scene from the show, right? Where he's in the hospital with his mom and he says;

"Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you... if you want 'em strong... treat 'em hard."

When he has a kid of his own he realises just what utter garbage this is. The idea of all the shit he's been through making him into the tough son of a bitch he is today is born from trauma that he still hasn't dealt with. The way his brain tries to rationalise what he went though. To make it make sense instead of it being so goddamn senseless.

But if he's honest, more than he'd like to admit, he finds himself wondering just what his life would have been like if he grew up in a loving home. What it would be like to feel wanted and cared for. To rise to the top being helped and cheered on by others instead of clawing his way there with bloodied and dirty fingers, the weight of the world bearing down on him as he's beat down at every turn.

He never wants his kids to feel that way. Not even a fraction of how unloved and unwanted he felt. He does everything in his power to make sure they know just how much he cares about them. There's literally nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. They could turn up at home one day and confess to a murder and Billy wouldn't hesitate to ask where the body is so he can handle it for them.

-

Billy is ridiculously sentimental when it comes to his kids. Drawings go up on the fridge and when a new one takes its place, the old one goes into a box of many others that he can't seem to ever throw away. He has multiple pictures of his kids at his office, even some framed cute drawings they did for him. He's kept all the mementos from the pregnancy, birth and onwards. They're his little treasures.

-

Billy is super supportive of everything his kids do. He makes sure they get a good education but he never pushes them to do something they don't want to do. Despite the large college fund he's got for them, if they choose not to go to college, he doesn't pressure them. Instead, whatever hopes and dreams they have, he does everything in his power to support and help them. Whether that's moral and emotional support, money or even breaking a few jaws of people standing in their way.

-

Let's look a little bit at how he is throughout some of the ages of his kid.

Billy with a baby is a sight to behold. No one has ever seen Lieutenant William Russo so goddamn soft. Once he's got hold of his baby, you've got no chance of getting them back off him. You'd have to fight him. He adores holding his little one close, soaking them in. He's constantly holding them no matter what he's doing and baby carriers and wraps are a godsend to him. You'd heard about them from a friend and told Billy and you better believe by the time the baby's born that he's an expert on all things baby wearing. He's a perfectionist and carrying a baby wrong can be dangerous. He makes sure he knows how to do it right.

Just as he has little affectionate touches for you, he has the same for his baby. His large hand stroking their tiny head and little hair. His finger stroking their chubby little cheek. He's a tactile person and touch is grounding for him. It soothes him to do so with his baby and reassures him they're really there and that they're okay.

He's super attentive. Of course he works a lot but as soon as he becomes a dad, he doesn't stay late anymore and makes sure to have days off. The second he comes home, he's making a beeline for his baby, scooping them up with a grin. He loves to read to them, something that continues as they grow up. His weekends used to be restful or if he was feeling like a masochist, he'd work from home. But now weekends are his time to shine. By the time you wake up on a Saturday morning, he's already up with the baby, making you breakfast as he's got the baby attached to him via baby carrier.

As his baby grows into a toddler, each milestone makes him tearful and full of pride. He kisses any booboos that happen and he's constantly playing with his child. He has a pretty silly side to him that most don't get to see. Making his kid laugh and smile brings him the greatest joy.

He loves taking his toddler to the office with him. Everyone dotes on his kid and treats them like royalty.

When they turn into a small child, he watches with a proud smile and amusement as his kid wants to fight with his men, watching them 'beat' the shit out of them. The guys at Anvil are more than happy to very dramatically go down, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when the tiny Russo grins smugly at their 'win'.

Their first day at school and Billy's a mess. It's such a turning point and he doesn't know how to deal with how fast their growing up. But every achievement at school, even minor ones, and he's showering them with praise.

He encourages them to work hard and as soft as he might be, he is still the boss. He makes sure they do their homework and don't fall behind on their studies.

One thing Billy loves is teaching his kids stuff. Whether that's mundane stuff to help with school or teaching them shit he knows like survivalist things, because you can never be too prepared, right? He loves helping them with school projects and answering any questions they might have about one of the many things he's knowledgeable about.

When his kids moves onto those hard teenage years, the ones where everything feels so dramatic and world ending, he's a little tougher when it calls for it. Billy is no novice to rebellion, he has a rebellious streak of his own and marches to the beat of his own drum half the time. He respects that. What he doesn't respect or tolerate is behaviour that's going to fuck his kid over in the long run or self sabotage. He will be firm and a hard ass if he needs to be to keep his kids on a path where they don't get hurt or ruin their life.

Billy has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. After the shit with his mother, he won't budge on this. If he finds out his kid is dabbling in drugs, they're grounded until they're old enough to move out.

-

No matter what age his kids are, Billy loves them immensely. He wants to be the father he wished he'd had growing up and he pours all of his anguish and pain from his upbringing into it. Channeling it into the purest form of love for his kids. To break the curse that had hold of him. He won't perpetuate the cycle.

Being a father brings him a sense of completeness and peace he didn't think was possible for him to achieve. It fills the void that's been eating away at his soul from his lack of love as a child and he loves every second of being a parent. Even the hard moments.

-

Bonus:

The Russo's and the Castle's go on monthly camping trips together. Billy loves the outdoors, the mild survivalist feelings he gets from it without the real danger. He loves taking his kids there, teaching them everything. In his role as dad and uncle, he sits around the camp fire at night, the light of the flames dancing along his face as he very theatrically tells the kids a spooky story.

You and his kids are his immediate family but the Castle's are his family too. So he really loves it when you all get to spend time together like that.

hi could you please make another alice cullen x fem!reader?? i really really love your last one you made, it was so beautiful <3

||AN|| Thank youuu! I'm happy you enjoyed my last one, also, thank you for requesting!

 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆      ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Pairing: Alice Cullen x Fem! Reader

Summary: Alice with a human girlfriend who’s more vampire-like than her.

Warnings: None? Fluff. Happy Couple.

Word Count: 2,084 words

GIF isn’t mine

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆      ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

You were always the night owl, lived off coffee and good books and you only wear dark colors. Your routine includes waking up at 10 pm, Cooking and eating your dinner at approximately 11:30 pm, Studying until 6 am, Taking a shower, Make your coffee, and be at school at 7:00 am where you meet up with you too-bright-and-jolly girlfriend, Alice Cullen. After school you then either head home to your own house, or to the Cullens household, either way you crash into anything soft and just ultimately pass out, and your cycle repeats. Sometimes your girlfriend would join you in studying even if she didn’t need it, Sometimes you’d do other things with your girlfriend, some of the things you do aren’t appropriate for a house full of vampires with super hearing, and not to mention her nosy brother who had the ability to read minds. 

“Get out of the way before I pummel you to the ground asshole.” You grumbled to the guy who’s blocking your way and was staring at your girlfriend like she’s a piece of meat. You hated that but you couldn’t do anything. One, pretty sure it’s illegal to kill someone even if you’re thinking about all the ways you could and Two, you miss you girlfriend’s cold hand holding yours.

You see him shiver before grabbing his things and scrambling away, his goons hot on his tail. 

“You have the most creative mind I have ever come across. Really? Using his blood as paint after you use gamma rays to blow up his uhm. Yeah. Where would you even get gamma rays?” Edward scrunches his face as they all approach you.

“Pretty sure Carlisle would hook me up with some.” You smirked then kissed your girlfriend’s forehead, You held her hand in yours as she giggled, getting out of her trance like state.

“Carlisle denied.” She kissed your cheek before dragging you inside the school, where they all separated like the goddamn sea in that one bible story.

Safe to say, you were pretty feared in the whole town. Socially isolated, always has a cup of coffee in hand, dark marks under your eyes, a blank looks often settles on your face,always had earphones in, glared at people who made your family uncomfortable, scared people without trying and a student could’ve sworn he saw you drink someones blood which he says was inside your coffee cup. It was beetroot juice since you ran out of coffee but needed something hot to drink, so you made beetroot juice, with lots and lots of sugar. You were dubbed as a vampire or a witch, which was hilarious considering your girlfriend is a vampire. A bright, happy, sparkling vampire who doesn’t sleep in coffins whatsoever. 

“Have a good day baby, see you at lunch.” Alice kissed your cheek before bouncing in her classroom followed by Emmett who winked at you and Rosalie who raised her brows at you and told you to behave.

“I always behave!” You argued with a small pout on your lips, barely noticeable but Rosalie just smirks before walking gracefully into the room, sitting in between Emmett and Alice who just shooed you away. 

“It’s never a good day.” you whispered while walking away, fully knowing that they could hear you.

Lunch came so slow that by the time you sat at your usual spot, you already had thoughts on murdering your history teacher who ‘unintentionally’ spat at your face and drizzled her spit on your face like a waterfall.

“It’s only been half a day Y/LN, You’ll get through it.” Rosalie slides her tray of food over to you while petting your head.

“i don’t understand why you choose to go through this over and over again.” You groaned, laying your head on Alice’s shoulder. They just laughed and proceeded to talk about things that you don’t even bother to listen to.

“You’re coming over today right?” Alice asked you with that bell like voice that you so loved

“Hmm? Oh yeah, Cuddles?” You whispered to her, internally groaning at how soft you’ve become for your girlfriend. 

“Yes please. You’re warm.”

“And you are freezing cold.” You retorted, stealing some of her fries

“It comes with the package. Now come on, I’ll walk you to your room.” She pats you head while moving away, packing her things. Which low-key made you whine.

“But I always escort you to your room.” You complained

“That’s true, but I figured you wouldn’t be opposed to change.” She smiled, offering her hand which you took.

“Edward?” 

“Nope. Not telling you. I am not going on another shopping spree with that little devil of yours.” He sped walked away, dragging Bella with him

“I think you traumatized him real bad, Ali.” You chuckled

“Good.” She exclaimed

12 midnight, and you just woke up to Alice holding you while reading a book, She smiles at you before tapping her lips, asking for a kiss. You shook your head no, trying to get out of her arms to brush your teeth.

“Nope, kisses first before brushing.” She grips you tighter

“Eww. Morning breath. Alice please!” She just grins before showering your face with kisses.

“There. You can go now, Esme just finished your dinner.” She beamed at you, pushing you into the large bathroom that she has before sitting on the sink.

“Uhm...” You stare at her, confused

“What?” 

The both of you took an hour long shower, you didn’t even need to shower, Alice just persuaded you into doing so. Earning you different looks from different vampires the moment you walked down the stairs.

A suggestive smirk from Rosalie and a laughing Emmett A smirking Jasper A confused Bella with a disgusted looking Edward A smiling Esme holding a bowl of food  And lastly, A laughing Carlisle.

“Oh my God.” You groaned, walking to the dining room, thanking Esme for the food. 

“Really Y/N?” complained Edward who’s cuddling a still confused Bella

“What? Just because you decide to wait until marriage does not mean I have to.” You smirked, winking at Edward who would be blushing if he was human.

“Don’t talk while your mouth is full.” Scolded Esme who’s also trying to keep her laugh in

“Yes Mom. Anyways, Bella I love you, but you look like you’re about to shut down and ready to be pawned like an old computer.” You told her, biting into a chicken leg

“i’ll take her home.” Edward says, grabbing his keys and waits for Bella.

“Why is she here anyways” Grumbled Rosalie, who everyone ignored while you just tapped her head

“Let’s play chess when you get back!” You shouted after him

You finish your food quickly and washed your plates, much to the distaste of Esme, leading your giggling short girlfriend to the couch beside Jasper.

“Jasper~ Wanna watch documentaries of wars and judge everything they did wrong?” You ask Jasper who’s nodding at your request. Alice plopping herself on your lap as she stares at you laughing and smiling with her family.

She’s really happy to have found you the way she did, She reminisced the time when the two of you first met. You were browsing racks and racks of clothes, taking black colored blouses, shirts and button-ups that are your size before walking into a dressing room. While you were in the room, she started to have a vision about the two of you together, having dates and you carrying her shopping bags in this same store, making her all giddy. She was with Rosalie at that time, who just stared at her with a look of slight confusion as she basically bounced to you. You at first was taken aback that someone was actually talking to you, and it was a cute girl at that. Alice greeted you with a smile and a hello before handing you a green blazer and tie, telling you emerald green compliments your eyes and outfit before paying for what you were buying, writing her name and number on the receipt, leaving you dumbfounded at the store

At first she thought that the both of you wouldn’t work out, especially because of all the chaos that recently happened to her family and leaving forks. But you made the effort of always texting her little notes and telling her how your day was, even if she didn’t reply, slowly she felt herself fall more in love with you, letting herself reply and indulge in the visions that she had that involved you. Once she told her family about you, they were a bit skeptical, especially since Carlisle tended to your knuckle wounds one too many times. But upon seeing the love sick look on both your eyes and the loud complaining of Edward at how sickeningly cute your thoughts were of each other, they eventually accepted you as one of their own despite being human. 

And now she stares in awe as you spent about 2 hours criticizing documentaries with Jasper before Edward comes home, and when he did, you played a couple rounds of chess (You always lost, which made Edward laugh every time.) before she decided that she’s bored with you losing to her brother every round and just decided to pick you up and dash to her room. 

“What was that for love?” You ask her when she settled herself in your arms

“I just. I was bored and I realized that it’s been too long since we cuddled.”

“It’s literally been 4 hours since I woke up bumblebee.” You ran your hand through her hair

“I missed you. 4 hours is too long.”

“Awe. I missed you too. Want to pick up where we left off on How to Kill a Mockingbird?” You ask her

“Yes please, I love hearing your voice.” She puts her face on the crook of your neck as you read to her, one of your hand intertwined with hers.

Even though she can’t fall asleep anymore, she loves the way your voice sounds, it calms her down and she could easily compare the “peace” she feels right now to the “peace” she could remember feeling when she was asleep. She really did love you and she doesn’t hesitate to let you know. In multiple various ways. 

Like now, she cut off your reading when her soft lips touched yours. You immediately let go of the book to hold her face lovingly as you put all your feelings into the kiss like you always do. You always felt like your words are never enough, so you always try to express your feeling through physical affection.

As if remembering you need your air, she slowly pulls away, her forehead touching yours as you catch your breath.

“I love you” she whispers, kissing your nose

“I love you too.” You smiled, pecking her lips

Your moment was then ruined when Emmett started banging his fists on the door, loudly exclaiming that you all have to get ready for school. You growled lowly, rolling your eyes.

“Alright! Geez.” You grumpily picked up the book that was tossed to the floor before walking to Alice’s closet where you also keep some of your clothes in...

Only to see that they weren’t there.

“Uhm Alice? Darling? Where are my clothes?” You ask her

She walks to where you are, peeking in slightly before pecking your lips.

“Oops. Accidentally sent all them to your house. Guess you have to wear my clothes then.” She smirked at you, pulling out a lemon yellow trench coat, a rosy pink turtleneck and hot pink pants with a blue belt.

“Baby, Alice. Love. Darling. Bumblebee. Please don’t do this to me.” You pleaded but she just shook her head, handing you the clothes before threatening you with no kisses and cuddles for a week if you refuse.

Your shoulders sag with defeat as you change into the clothes Alice gave you, pouting while walking down the stairs of the Cullen Household. Alice smiles brightly as she hooked her arm around yours. Chuckles and giggles erupted the moment they saw you which made you grumble and murmur underneath your breath as you sip your cup of coffee made by Esme.

“You-” 

“Not a word.” You growled out, blushing furiously as you laughing girlfriend holds your hand while walking through the halls of Forks High school. 

Your girlfriend can be annoying at times, add that to her chaotic family, but you would never trade it for anything. Ever.

Sleep? Never Heard of Her

College is kicking Techno’s ass.

Wilbur huffs, annoyed that his headphones are suddenly missing. Tommy has been out with friends all day and Phil has been at work, so that only leaves one possible thief. Technoblade. Wilbur marches up to his brother's door and bangs once before barging in, “Techno my head… phones…” The middle child’s rage dissipates as his eyes find his older brother. Techno is on his bed surrounded by heavy textbooks and thinning notebooks. There are several pens and pencils scattered on the floor and bed around the usual stuffed animals and a few laminated flash cards fall off the bed. However Techno, instead of having his face in these studying materials, is instead asleep, holding his stuffed pig. His flower patterned pajama pants are rolled up to the knees and the band tshirt has also been pushed up. The heat of the summer has the blankets on the floor, and his long pink hair is tied up in a bun. The bags under his eyes could probably carry the textbooks that caused them. The headphones Wilbur has been looking for, sure enough, are around Techno’s neck, and Wilbur can hear pop punk playing deafeningly loud from them. The younger brother sighs and quietly starts clearing the bed, being sure not to close any books so no page was lost. It seems college is kicking Techno’s ass. Wilbur takes the empty monster and red bull cans from the night stand and throws them in the recycle bin, then grabs a water bottle from the fridge and places it and a bottle of Advil on the nightstand. He’ll text Phil to pick up some healthy food on the way home, even if that means complaining from Tommy. Wilbur shuts the door quietly and jumps a bit at a knocking at the front door. “LET ME IN!” The youngest brother shouts, and Wilbur shuffles quickly to open the door and shush him. “Techno is asleep, shut up!” Tommy instantly changes into a whisper like Wil’s, “Finally? How long has it been?” “Too long,” Wil responds as the two brothers fall onto the couch. “I’m gonna ask Phil to pick up some chicken and salad on his way home.” Tommy whines, “Gross, I’m not eating that! Tell him to get pizza.” “No. Starve.” Tommy punches his brother in the shoulder. Wilbur punches back. They do this for two minutes. Thankfully quietly, knowing Techno would not appreciate being woken up by their fighting, and would probably suplex them both through the coffee table. Even if that meant Phil suplexing Techno through the window. Just a vicious cycle of suplexes. Wilbur delivers the last punch, “What did you and Tubbo do today?” Tommy is immediately distracted from their fight, “Oh it was so fun man we went to the arcade and I beat him at DDR.” Wilbur snorts, “That’s a fucking lie.” Tommy gasps quietly in offence, “How dare you Wil, I would never!” “Toms, you get winded climbing the stairs. Tubbo plays soccer at school. There’s no way you beat him in a very physically draining game.” Tommy huffs and chugs his diet coke he left on the coffee table yesterday. Gross. “I’ll have you know, Wilbur, I am incredibly capable. And I did beat him! Even if that was only because Ranboo and I kept pushing him off the pad.” Wilbur muffles his laugh with his sweater sleeve, “Wow Tommy, teaming with the enemy. You’ve changed, ‘Big Man’.” The offence on Tommy’s face is priceless. Wilbur wishes Techno could see it. 

When Phil comes back from work, he’s carrying a few bags as promised. “Tommy, come help me cook please.” Tommy groans in annoyance as he is yeeted off of the smash bros stage by Wilbur in the moment of distraction. “Fine. I don’t even like this food.” “Uh huh,” Phil says with an amused smile. The two blondes set to work in the kitchen, falling into a pleasant rhythm. Tommy ends up doing most of the cooking since Phil has to keep Wilbur out of the kitchen for fear of a fire, but Tommy’s the best cook anyway and he enjoys it, so it’s fine. On another one of Wilbur’s arson attempts, Techno’s door opens, and attention turns to him. He’s a mess of hair and eye bags. “I’m gonna take a shower, no one use the water.” “I’m cooking though, Tech.” “Sounds like a you problem, Toms.” The two brothers lovingly flip each other off, and Techno grabs a towel from the hall closet. Once the running water is heard, Wilbur turns to Phil, “He’s been awake for like 32 hours and only slept like 3 hours.” Phil sighs, “I don’t even know if it’s stress or insomnia at this point. He has an appointment soon to get better meds because he said his insomnia ones weren’t working and he hates the adderall, but I don’t know what will help.” Tommy waves the knife he was using to cut the chicken around, “I know what’ll help. Going to that college and beating up the professors. But no, no one wants to use the Tommyinnit method.” Phil laughs quietly, “Oh trust me, we want too. It just won’t help.” “What if we knock him out, I steal his clothes and wear a wig, and go for him for a bit?” Phil bonks Wilbur, “You know he freaks about missing lectures, and I know you’ll fall asleep and not take notes.” “That’s not a no!” “Food’s done,” Tommy says, and the shower water sound stops. Fucking psychic, Techno is. Techno is out and dressed as soon as Phil is done plating. “Welcome back mate. Did you sleep well?” Techno shrugs and takes his plate to the couch. “Techno, play smash bros with me! Wilbur keeps cheating!” “I don’t cheat you little shit I’m just better than you!” “No one is better than me. Big Man. Tommyinnit. The legend.” Techno silently grabs a controller, and the other three would be worried at the quietness if they didn’t know how too much time studying fries Techno’s brain too much for him to properly formulate words, and the stuttering and grasping for a forgotten word is incredibly embarrassing to him since he’s usually so eloquent. So the two brothers play a few rounds, Techno taking bites of salad in between kicking his brother’s ass. The plates are cleaned and Tommy reluctantly gives up. Phil talks quietly to Techno, “Are you gonna go back to studying?” A nod. “Can I stop you at all?” Shake of the head. “Do you wanna use us as body doubles?” Another nod. Wilbur chimes in, “You can keep using my headphones too.” “Oh, Techno, did yours break again?” A small nod. “I’ll add a new pair to the shopping list then. Go get your work. I’ll be here if you need help.” Techno drags out his many textbooks and drops one flat on Tommy where he’s laying on the floor. “Ow, what the fuck Tech!?” Tommy receives a middle finger in response which he of course returns. Techno does not need words to bully his brother. He uses Tommy as a table on the floor as Tommy just keeps losing in smash bros to Phil. 

An hour later, the floor bros are asleep, and Phil drapes blankets over them and places pillows beneath their heads. Who knows when they’ll sleep again if he tries to move them and they wake up? Phil and Wilbur climb into their own beds and soon join the two sleepy bois. Thankfully, Techno is still asleep when Phil gets up for work in the morning. He slips a note next to his face, ‘You don’t have a lecture today :) -phil’ That should stop his groggy brain from freaking out, and Phil is off to work. 

everybody | oneshot.

college! au pairing: park jinyoung x reader warning: cursing, oral, unprotected sex words: 2.7k

today, i find myself doing the same usual tasks everyday. wake, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, go to school, come home, shower, sleep. it’s honestly quite boring. at times, i wish i had somebody to come home to, i don’t even have a pet.

college is the same like always. attend my classes, study, continue to get decent grades. it’s a whole cycle in itself. one thing i definitely don’t look forward to is park jinyoung. we have this mutual hatred for each other for no reason, i have no idea what i did to get on his nerves. it shouldn’t matter to him considering that he has the whole school around his finger. i try to avoid him as best as possible. 

“hey y/n,” jaebeom walks up.

“hey jb, how are you today?” i ask,

“you know me, i hate waking up for school.”

“that makes the both of us,” i laugh off. classes start and i again have to hear my chemistry teacher lecture us. i can’t help but feel like someone is staring at me, so i look behind me. my eyes meet with the one and only park jinyoung. he laughs then looks back at his notes. i roll my eyes and continue to listen to the lecture.

“now class, can someone tell me why NaCl has a stronger lattice energy compared to a compared to a compound like BaO?” the professor asks. “yes jinyoung?”

“well because of trends of course. the lattice energy of two ions increases as the smaller the compound is. simply, sodium chloride is a smaller compound compared to barium oxide,” he answers.

“correct! you never disappoint with your answers jinyoung,” the professor continues on with the lecture. jinyoung smirks to himself like he’s this one true powerful being, but he’s not. i look at the clock, realizing that there’s only 10 minutes of class left. the prof looks at his watch and stops his lecture for the day.

“considering that there is only 10 minutes of class left, i will assign your lab partners for next week. next week's lab includes the lab, obviously, and a short quiz you will take with your partner. i advice after i assign everyone, you meet up with your partner and start studying,” the prof says. doing a lab with someone should be easy. i’ll be fine with anyone as long as it isn’t with ass jinyoung. the professor starts to read off the list of names off of a sheet of paper.

“park jinyoung and y/ln y/n”

did i hear that correctly, did he really just say park jinyoung was my partner. this has to be a misunderstanding. the bell rung and the students start flooding out the door to attend their next class. i finish packing my things and start heading out the door before i hear someone call out my name. 

“y/n,” jinyoung comes up from behind. i take a deep breath before turning around and facing him.

“yes jinyoung?” i reply in a polite manner. 

“maybe you could try and cover up the annoyance on your face next time. i don’t want you screwing up my grade for this lab or quiz, so why don’t you come over after classes are over and we can study together?” he suggests with a snarky tone.

“as much as i wouldn’t want to screw up my grade, that would be a good idea. but maybe you could approach me in a nicer way, i wouldn’t have to tell the professor to switch partners, would i? so be mature jinyoung, and i won’t have any problems,” i say. he shakes his head, disapproving at me.

“why would you talk to the prince of the school in that manner? i’m sure the professor or the dean wouldn’t like your attitude towards me. know your place y/n,” he whispers in my ear. he walks off with an evil smirk on his face. 

_______

after a few more hours of schooling, i can finally go home. unfortunately, jinyoung is my partner and i need to study with him apparently. studying isn’t necessary when it comes to the perfect student. jinyoung excels in everything that he does, it doesn’t make sense on why he would want me to come over and study with him. he could just take the test himself to ensure that he gets that perfect score he’s wanting.

i meet him at the spot he told me to. i see him at his car, looking at his phone as he waits for me. while approaching him, i can see why he’s the prince of the school. his appearance alone makes him look so effortless, it’s seen as attractive. jinyoung definitely has some defining features that makes him look like a prince. his jawline, his silky black hair, his stature. it's so infuriating. 

“look who decided to show up,” he speaks up.

“i didn’t know i was on a time limit your highness, i apologize for my tardiness,” i bow at him, mocking his hierarchy. 

“never do that again. get in the car,” he walks to the driver side. i roll my eyes and get in the car. the car ride is silent. neither of us wants to talk to the other. if anything, it builds up more tension between the two of us. 

the car ride wasn’t long, but it felt like an eternity. jinyoung has a modest apartment to himself and only himself. the place felt tranquil, as if there were no disturbances nearby. it is  nicely decorated and overall comfortable. 

“shall we get started?” jinyoung asks. i nod at him and sit at the table he pointed to. jinyoung grabs a few snacks and water for the both of us before getting started. i focus on the study guide the professor posted, getting lost in the calming atmosphere around me. 

“so why do you hate me so much y/n?” the mood drops. 

“i don’t,” i reply. jinyoung tries to read me, but no avail.

“now why are you lying to me? i know you do. there’s a reason why you avoid me every chance you get. you didn’t even speak to me in the car,” he reasons.

“why would i talk to a self-centered prick that only cares about himself?”

“there we go, now we’re getting somewhere. go on, i know you have more to say with that mouth of yours.”

“what the hell is that supposed to mean?” we should be focused more about the chemistry lab and quiz and not this banter.

“oh come on, don’t you have more to say? tell me more about how i’m an asshole.”

“you don’t deserve that luxury.”

“the whole school would bow down to me, except you. i think that’s something in itself, don’t you think? the students, my friends, teachers, the dean, everybody thinks i’m perfect. but you’re the first and only one to think differently, isn’t that strange?”

“what does that matter to you jinyoung? if you’re so goddamn perfect, then why should my opinion matter to you? don’t you think i’ve recognized that already?” he gets up from his seat and goes around to me. the immense eye contact that we’re sharing only creates more tension between us. the more i look at him and look at his facial features, the more attractive he becomes. 

“say it.”

“say what exactly?”

“say how perfect i am.”

“never in a million years jinyoung.” his face becomes only inches away from my face. suddenly, i hold my breath. i turn my head away from him, trying to go back to work.

“have i ever told you how beautiful you are?” what?

“where is this coming from? stop lying,” my face begins to turn red.

“you’re blushing, maybe you don’t hate me after all,” he laughs to himself. i turn back at him, not able to understand where this is all coming from.

“maybe this is all a misunderstanding. maybe i actually like you and i did this to get on your nerves.”

“you’re spewing out bullshit now jinyoung. what makes you think i’m going to believe you-” he cuts me off with a kiss. my eyes become wide, and a second later i push him off.

“what the hell are you thinking? i don’t like you,” i say. my face becomes hotter and i can’t even look at him.

“i know you do, so what’s the point in denying it? you’re like an open book,” he says. his hands begin crawling up my legs, up to my waist. my breathing becomes hitched and all of a sudden, i’m at a loss of words. “stop playing hard to get, i can make you feel good,” he whispers in my ear.

“jinyoung, but we’re…”

“we’re studying? now, that was some bullshit i was spewing to get you over here. i could get a perfect score for the both of us on the lab and quiz, why else would you come over?” jinyoung starts to kiss his way down to my neck.

“you…”

“now princess, just enjoy your time.” his tongue makes wet spots on my neck before his lips come back to kiss mine. his hands feel nice and cool against my warm skin. it’s like he’s feeling every square inch of my skin. my hands naturally wrap around his neck, slightly tugging at his jet black hair. his lips make it back down to my neck and collarbone. he starts sucking at my sensitive skin, leaving dark red spots. small mewls escape my mouth as he continues.

he begins taking off my shirt and bra, admiring every part of my body. his mouth returns to my skin, slightly sucking my nipples. jinyoung’s hands go down to my ass, rubbing it. suddenly, he gets up and walks over to the couch.

“sit on my lap baby, i promise i don’t bite,” he grins. I bite my bottom lip at his words and sit on his lap. his hands back on my ass, squeezing and slightly smacking it. he buries his face back into my chest, once again making wet spots and red marks all over. i stop him for a moment so i could take off his shirt.

jinyoung has a very toned structure and you didn’t know until now. his shoulders are wide, rock hard abs, a sight to see yourself. i find myself getting lost in thought while admiring his body.

“are you going to sit there and stare all day, or are we going to have some fun?” jinyoung teases. i roll my eyes at him and kiss him in order to shut his mouth. our tongues dance with one another, each fighting for dominance. eventually, i pull away, tracing my tongue down to his collarbone. i suck lightly, each with a bit of teeth. his hips slightly jerked up as i continued going down to his abs. 

i make myself comfortable on my knees as i kneel in between his legs. the tight pants he’s wearing reveals his boner. my hand makes my way to his cock, he jerks up again from just me touching him. i unzip his pants, becoming impatient, he takes them off himself. i jerk him off slightly through his underwear before he takes them off.

“you’re such a naughty girl, teasing me like that. why don’t you show me what your pretty mouth does?” jinyoung coaxes. he teases by slowly jerking himself off. i open my mouth, tongue out as he slowly slides in. my lips wrap around his bulbous tip, licking around and tasting his pre-cum. looking back up at jinyoung, his eyes are close, clenching his jaw while his head rests on the back of the couch. tiny grunts are heard coming from his mouth. he looks back down at me, his face is flushed.

“do you like the taste of my cock? you have such a pretty face when you’re going down on me,” his mouth is extremely dirty. his left hand pushes down on my head, making me gag on his dick. a loud grunt escapes his mouth, biting down on his own lip. his hips start moving on his own, maintaining a constant speed. all of a sudden, he pulls out from my mouth, leaving me to whine at his actions.

“get up on the couch now, i want your ass up,” his tone is harsh. he takes off the jeans i was wearing, massaging my inner thighs. his fingers make his way to my panties, feeling how wet i’ve become. one of his fingers hook around the lacy underwear, revealing my wetness. i could feel his hot breath teasing at my entrance.

“jinyoung, please do something,” i whine. my begging gave him more of a power trip. he gave my pussy a long, flat lick with his tongue. i bury my face into the pillow next to me before moaning loudly. he takes off my panties and goes back to feverishly licking and kissing me like there’s no tomorrow. 

“you taste so sweet princess, absolutely like paradise,” he says in awe. two fingers tease my entrance before inserting them. he curls up his fingers, hitting one of my most pleasurable senses. his tongue goes back down to my clit, slightly sucking on it and teeth grazing at my most sensitive organs. my hips match his speed, moans filling up the room. i’m pretty sure the whole neighborhood could hear. i become tighter around his fingers, signifying that i’m close. but then he withdraws his fingers and his mouth, leaving me to groan at him.

“jinyoung, i was so close. why the hell did you do that?” i yell in frustration. he just smiles and shakes his head at me.

“i can’t have you cumming before i get my share of you,” he laughs. the tip of his cock rubs against my clit and my entrance.

“just put it in already,” i become restless.

“say please princess.”

“please jinyoung.”

“there we go.” he enters with a strong thrust, making me cry out in pleasure. his hips maintain a rigged speed. with every thrust, he comes practically out, teasing me more. each one becoming harder and harder. his dick was making me delirious, wanting more and more as he continued. i try matching his thrusts, but he grabs my ass harshly, stopping me.

“use your words to get what you want.” 

“please jinyoung, move faster.” with that being said, he starts pounding into me. a slur of curse words starts coming out from his mouth. my moans become even louder than before. his dick feels up every crevice inside me.  he tugs lightly at my hair, forcing me to look up at the wall ahead of us. 

“you feel so good baby, who would have thought you were such a naughty girl.” the words coming out from my mouth spurs me on. his other hand starts playing with my clit again, making me tighter around his cock. fuck leaves his mouth as i continue to become tighter around his member. his thrust becomes sloppier and sloppier. he’s reaching his edge and he wants me to chase it with him. 

“my fingers and my cock are making you tighter and tighter. how close are you baby? i want to release inside you,” jinyoung says in a raspy voice. i could only moan louder at the thought of his arousal inside me. his hand leaves my hair and goes back down to my ass, leaving handprints. 

“Jinyoung please, i’m so close,” i say. he pounds into me harder than before, hitting my sweet spot. with a few more thrusts, i came spiralling down as if i were seeing stars. the clenching around his member sent him and he came. his arousal filled up my entrance. we both came down from our highs and he pulled out.

“well this is certainly a sight to see,” he says. his fingers start messing with our arousal mixed together, and starts to put it back inside me. i swat his hands away considering his touch makes me overly sensitive.

“this concludes today's study session. i’ll run you a bath, how bout the same time tomorrow princess?”

so. basically. tl;dr i ffuucking hate school it sucks and it doesnt. do ANYTHING but make things worse . anyway.

the schooling system like. it sucks for me specifically in a few ways idk abt anyone else. for starters; neurodivergency literally at all makes it so hard to function in a classroom environment. its so loud? idk if anyone else gets that in their classrooms but you can hear my class of 23~ from the bottom floor of the 3 story building and that’s considered quiet. as well as like, i cannot function in a classroom without my friends? im out at school and like.... everyones.. transphobic obv why wouldnt they be, and its not in like a..any avoidable way. if i sit with the guys they’ll refuse to talk to me and deadname me all period adn if i sit with the girls theyll laugh at me every time i fucking breathe idk, but the school still thinks putting me in a classroom with kids that visibly hate me and see me as a CRINGE ENTERTAINMENT IRONY MACHINE is like a good idea? and a good way for me to make friends? i dont know if its my luck or if they’re deliberately doing it, but, next term for example i have drama and cooking as classes. two of my friends also have cooking ....but they dont have me in their class. they’re together. but im not in their class. im on my own because other than them and the girl who already did cooking these past two terms (so she cant do it next term) i have.... no other friends. so im definitely in a class of complete strangers! and the way they have this school, you have no choice but to work with someone else in a cooking class...... you are paired with someone in the same mini kitchen and its a disaster but i digress.

also, like. school goes for 6 hours. by the time you get home and get changed and get settled, its sunset so you can’t go out and do anything. you can’t go to the park or climb a tree. youre stuck inside. your family is like groggy from work or whatever and doesnt want to talk to you. you have no energy to get online and talk to your friends online. or theyre asleep. so basically at least for me i get... no time to actually talk to my friends, for example i havent had an actual conversation with piper in like... two months i swear. we’ve forgotten how to talk to eachother and that actually goes with all of my friends. by the weekend we’re still awkward because we havent spoken in months so we can’t really even talk. and because of this rigid like, routine you have to have to actually be able to go to school at all (wake up 7. eat. get dressed. go to school. come home. get changed. eat. shower. go to bed. repeat), i actually like.... find myself. forgetting Everything. i dont know what it is about strict routine where i cannot be myself (my school has a strict and ugly uniform), but it makes me ... completely forget everything slowly and my memory decays. my time blindness gets worse to the point where i dont know what month it is on a regular basis and like... i ditch a lot? because of this? maybe if the schedule didnt make me dissociate and forget everything i wouldnt ditch constantly and like. actually go to school. but like my attendance is... im not at school 25% of the time because i physically cannot go every single day and attend to that rigid and exact cycle that doesnt even teach me anything

doesnt even teach me anything? i dont ... learn anything from school. they like. reteach the same meaningless part of a subject every single year. every year in religious studies in october i learn about the rosary and we spend a lot of the period praying the rosary and i like. ok. cool. its a religious school yeah but what am i actually learning from this. and every year in social studies we learn abt the waitangi treaty but the way they teach it is so whitewashed and utopian and its fucked and they teach it the same way every year around the same time. and anzac day. and in math im not going to use any of those skills you teach me, i dont care about algebra or anything because thats not really going to actually help me in my life im an artist for fucks sake teach me about managing my own finances! teach me how to do taxes! teach me how to function in the society i live in! teach me the important things that ill sink under or die without knowing i want to actually know important things but by cramming so many unimportant things in my brain all the time i forget the actual important things, i fucking failed basic addition and subtraction last year, i’ve forgotten division and multiplication past the 10 times table, but i can vaguely read an algebra equasion BUT FUCKING ALGEBRA EQUASIONS WILL NEVER UFCKING GET ME ANYWJERE!!!!! and it makes me so fucking angry i want to learn and function and KNOW

and the way they tightly bundle everyone to being one conforming individual who dresses like everyone else, is at the same intelligence level as everyone else, is a catholic like everyone else, does not question authority as everyone else or does not question themselves like everyone else or think like anyone else OR BE DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE makes me want to FUCKING THROW UP. there are so many hopes and dreams that i remember watching from primary school to now sink into a hopeless pit of stereotypes and basic conformity, people who used to be nice are suffocated into being horrible people so that theyre liked by their peers or get anny attention from the school at all, guys who used to respect women (god forbid) suddenly becoming horrible to anyone of any slightly different gender identity but you can actually see on their face how weird it is to them, waves of 11-14 year olds getting nose studs that get infected and they’re forced to have them taken out by the school, kids trying to do their makeup to look like SOMEONE to BE AT ALL DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE are put right back in their place and told to take it all off and their parents are called and if youre caught with the wrong jacket your parents are called and youre told youre too poor to wear what the school provides yet THEY DONT EVEN LET YOU WEAR WHAT THE SCHOOL PROVIDES WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 70 DOLLAR HOODIE FOR WHEN YOU WONT LET ME WEAR IT WHILE IM SHIVERING I DONT SEE THE POINT OF ENFORCING SUCH TIGHT POINTLESS SMALL BOUNDARIES OF WHAT A PERSON CAN BE WHY IS IT SO LIMITED? are we not allowed to do anything? you cant even have one strip of hair dye yet a teacher can have a full head of bright purple hair what’s that about? you can have antisemetic pins on your senior year blazer jacket but the second you put a pride pin on there youre called to the principals office and asked why youre promoting this to kids

you try a speech on trans rights and they dont even pass you and pretend its because you got over the time limit but you didnt, you timed it yourself for your friends you didnt get over the time limit and you know it but you didnt even place in fourth you placed last out of 6 or 8 and you wonder why that is because every year in the past you soared into first so whats that about???? in my speech i said be yourself and dont be afraid to experiment with your gender lightly and they told me to take it out because its seen as too much and i said what the fuck? that’s the most important part of my speech, i want to promote acceptance in others and the self and they said take it out or you cant present your speech. they actively suffocate any sort of self expression or nonconformity of any sort you have to be a plain cookiecutter boy or girl and thats it you cannot be anything else, for nearly 6 months theyve fought me and my mom about my hair but if anyones being hurt by it its me because it draws more attention to the kid you can call slurs, are you hurt because im actually expressing myself? are you hurt by my little sharp stud earrings and my industrial piercing and the embroidered cuff on my shirt? are you offended by the heart on my belt or the platforms on my school shoes because the last time i checked none of these were illegal things to have at school

this kind  of got a lot angrier than i meant to make it but ive been . really angry abt this for the past year idk. i really just wanted to write this because i ahvent spoken to piper properly in months and the way we talk now seems like when we just met but i cannot carry a conversation anymore because school knocked the wind out of me all over again and the sudden inability to talk to any of my friends online makes me want to scream until my lungs give out im so tired

I’m Sorry Pt. 2 Matt Casey x Reader

Warnings: angst, mention of death, child neglect, mental illness, low self confidence, daddy issues

by: @anotheronechicagobog

“You have to know why I’m here.”

“To tell me you’ve realised your mistake and broken up with that firefighter.” I let out a bitter laugh. “Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. You haven’t changed. At all! That stint in prison did nothing!”

“Y/N-”

“No. It is my turn to talk.” Your voice was cold and violent. “I hate myself and it is your fault. I felt abandoned by you and I saw you everyday. Nothing I did was ever good enough, first you put all your energy into Justin, and then Erin. I was the best student in my grade for seven years straight, was that important to you? No. Did it catch your attention? No. I thought there was something wrong with me for my entire life. I broke my own soul trying to impress you. I put myself through hell to try and earn your pride. Late study nights starting years before they should have, I spent so much time with mami trying to imitate her because you loved her so much and I wanted some of that affection to be directed towards me. When she died, I lost the only parent I’d ever had, because you didn’t do jack. The only thing that you contributed to the person I’ve become is making sure that I know that I am worthless. That I am nothing. That I do not deserve love. That the world would be better off without me. That I deserve the excruciating pain that you embroidered into my spirit. When I was 18, I joined the academy. Did you know that? Wait, why am I even bothering asking? Of course you didn’t, when has my life been of any interest to you? I graduated at the top of my class, I broke three records. There were precinct captains fighting over where I’d be assigned. I got assigned to the 17th district. I was asked to take the detective’s exam after six months. I would’ve been the youngest detective in the CPD. But it was during the meeting after I passed the exam, when my captain was telling me how intelligent and adaptable I was, how he was so proud of me, and said that I reminded him of you. I felt like throwing up. All that I could remember were the nights gang leaders would meet in our dining room to “talk business” with you. I remember all the guns, drugs, and money that was stashed in various places around the house. Yeah, that’s right, I knew. I just let it slide when mami was dying. I remembered when you were taking Justin and I home from school and you pulled over to kill someone. I don’t know who they were, but I don’t care that wasn’t nor will it ever be, okay. The fact that I reminded my captain and so many others in the CPD of you made me realize that I needed to get the hell out of there before I became you. I quit on the spot. I left the force that day and never looked back. I joined the military the day after I legally changed my last name, became a medic. I decided to become a doctor to help people, and I didn’t have the money to pay for med school, so the military seemed like the best way to do it. When I was honourably discharged, with numerous awards under my belt, I was a sergeant. But still I’m not proud of my accomplishments, I should be, but I’m not. No, I’m just standing around waiting for the shoe to drop, for everyone around me, including Matt, to realize that I am nothing but the scum on the bottom of their shoes and that I do not deserve anything even remotely simulating happiness. And that is all thanks to you. I love Matt, so much, and I want a future with him so badly, but because of you, all I’m doing is waiting for him to leave. You were a terrible father, and I blame myself for it. I blame myself for all the illegal shit you did, for mami’s death, for Justin’s alcohol and drug problems, for Erin being brought in as my replacement...” Tears had started streaming down you face when you started your rant, but now, when you’d finally voiced out loud your thoughts, you couldn’t hold back your sobs. “I’m sorry.” It was all you could choke out before turning and sprinting to your car.

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When you made it back to your apartment you were worn out. You just wanted to curl up in your bed let the remainder of your tears free. You’d passed the last stair and were met with the sight of Matt at your door. You could feel the dam you’d managed to patch up in the car threatening to burst again at the sight of him. You sniffled and he turned around at the sound. “Y/N? Are you okay?” It only took a couple of determined strides for him to reach you and put his hands delicately on each side of your face. All that you could think about were your own words, and this time you couldn’t ignore them, bury them deep in the recesses of your mind and hope they never resurface. “What happened? Your shift ended an hour ago, where were you?”

“I-I was w-i-ith my fa-ther... and we- I just- It’s over Matt. I-I’m sor-ry.”

“What? No, Y/N, no. Did your father say something? Did he do something? Did I do something? Y/N, please, don’t do this. Talk to me, what’s going on?”

“It’s over, you didn’t do a-anything wro-ng. I pr-promise. You were ama-zing.” You kissed him on the cheek, your having officially become niagara falls, and ran to your door. You managed to unlock it, get inside, and lock it before Matt could process what was happening. He started banging on your door, calling your name, begging you to open your door, to listen, to talk. You slide down to the floor and let all your tears free, your sobs drowning out Matt’s desperate pleas.

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“Why did you break up with Matt?” You woke up on the floor, still in your clothes from yesterday with dried up tears on your face. You got up and decided that a shower and some food would make you feel better, in that order. When you were almost finished eating you were interrupted by Erin calling your phone. “Sorry Erin, I’m still waking up, what’s going on?”

“Y/N are you okay? It’s noon, you’re always up at six.”

“It’s what?!” You checked the time and, surely enough, it was noon, give or take a few minutes. “Um, okay, last night was rough, it must’ve messed up my sleep cycle, hell I slept on the floor... Now, what’s going on? How do you know that I broke up with Matt?”

“You slept on the floor? What? I- you know what? We’ll discuss that later. Anyway Matt is here, at the 21st, yelling at Voight in his office for making you break up with him. So, did he?”

“No, he didn’t. He clearly still wanted me to, but I didn’t break up with Matt because he told me to.” Your voice went quiet, remembering last night clearly, unfortunately.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” Your voice was still quiet, hurt. “I think you should come down here.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in ten.”

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You took a deep breath to steady yourself as you walked up to the desk in the 21st. You started to address the woman who’s nametag said Platt “Hi, I’m here to-”

“Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Yes.”

“Go on up.” You heard a buzzing sound and made your way to the door, not at all ready for what you were about to walk into.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“FOR THE LAST TIME, WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?!”

“I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING!”

“HONESTLY VOIGHT DO YOU EXPECT-”

“He’s telling the truth, Matt.” Everyone turned to you. “Y/N” He choked out, blue eyes pleading and sad. “Matt, let’s do this somewhere else.”

“No. Y/N, what’s going on?”

“I’m not good enough for you, okay? I shouldn’t have let our relationship drag out this long, it was selfish of me.”

“Y/N, what are you talking about? You are more than good enough for me, I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t you. So please, talk to me, how on earth did you come to that conclusion?”

“It’s just something I’ve always known.”

“No, it’s not.” Your father butted into the conversation. “It’s my fault that she thinks like that, that she believes that about herself. I was a terrible father and Y/N’s paying the price. Y/N, you deserve happiness. You... are better than me at everything, but you don’t have the self-confidence to go along with your achievements and that is my fault. You are an amazing, intelligent young woman and I’m the one who failed, Y/N, not you. My biggest regret is the way I treated you and that I chose not to be a part of your life and accomplishments. I’m really proud of you.”

“Do you really mean it? You can’t joke about something like this, dad.”

“With all of my heart.”

“Y/N, I shouldn’t have interfered with your relationship. You clearly love Lieutenant Casey and he clearly loves you. I was wrong, there’s no excuse for my behaviour. I’m sorry.”

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You sat across from Matt in the Mills family diner. You were pushing your food around on your plate, the weight of his stare making you nervous to look up. Neither of you had spoken since you agreed to leave the 21st together, you decided to be the one to break the ice. “I’m in love with you and I’ve never faced anything more terrifying in my life.” You heard Matt splutter, spitting his coffee back into his mug. “I’ve never felt like I’ve been worth much and I just, I love you so much, and after the confrontation I had with my father I just realized that I couldn’t wait around for you to leave me.”

“You mean more to me than anyone else has, the past twelve hours have been absolute hell without you. I’m in love with you too. I have to admit, though, what you think of yourself really concerns me. I still love you like crazy, but I think you need some professional help.”

“How could you still love me knowing that I’m a basket case?”

“You’re not a basket case, everyone has their own issues, I guess the difference with mine is that you already knew about them and that I’ve been going to therapy.”

“I’ll... talk to Dr. Charles tomorrow morning.” Matt sighed in relief and the tension washed out of his eyes and shoulders. He reached his hand across the table and held yours tenderly. “I love you so much Y/N.”

╰    ♡    *    SENTENCE  STARTERS    ─     HEATHERS    !

feel  free  to  change  pronouns  if  /  where  needed  .    trigger  warnings  for  some  nsfw  stuff  ,  death  ,  suicide  ,  etc  .

‘  (   name  )  told me she teaches people real life  .  ’ ‘  real life sucks losers dry  .  ’ ‘  if you want to fuck with the eagles  ,  you have to learn to fly  .  ’ ‘  so you teach people how to spread their wings  &  fly  ?  ’ ‘  you’re beautiful  .  ’ ‘  what is your damage  ?  ’ ‘  i need you to forge a hot  &  horny  ,  but realistically low key note  .  ’ ‘  you don’t have anything for her either  .  ’ ‘  come on  ,  it’ll be very  .  ’ ‘  the note’ll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks  .  ’ ‘  i’ll think about it  .  ’ ‘  don’t think  .  ’ ‘  pilgrims  ,  indians  ,  tater - tots  .  it’s a real party continent  .  ’ ‘  i think i’d probably miss my own birthday for a date  .  ’ ‘  if you’re going to openly be a bitch  -  .  ’ ‘  why can’t we talk to different kinds of people  ?  ’ ‘  fuck me gently with a chainsaw  .  ’ ‘  do i look like mother theresa  ?  ’ ‘  does it not bother you that everyone in this school thinks that you’re a piranha  ?  ’ ‘  like i give a shit  .  ’ ‘  they all want me as a friend or a fuck  .  ’ ‘  i’d change my life  .  new clothes  ,  new haircut  ,  new house  ,  new home  .  ’ ‘  how sad  !  blowing all your cash on two days of trying to be hip  .  ’ ‘  that’s got to be the most spooky ass question i’ve ever heard  .  ’ ‘  this is the part i hate  :  the waiting  .  ’ ‘  i’d say we’re like twenty minutes from major humilation  .  ’ ‘  deep down all teenagers are the same  .  ’ ‘  didn’t you see the breakfast club  ?  ’ ‘  what do i get out of being friends with losers  ?  ’ ‘  i give them a piece of a winner  &  they stain me with loserness  .  ’

‘  i think we should use the money for an end - of - the - world - get - together  .  ’ ‘  we could invite guys  .  ’ ‘  i’d pay madonna one million dollars to ride my face like the kentucky derby  .  ’ ‘  she should be paying me  ,  though  .  ’ ‘  don’t tell me  .  crest would be stained with loserness  .  ’ ‘  a dime increases the time  !  a buck brings good luck  !  ’ ‘  i’m sorry  ?  what are you oozing about  ?  ’ ‘  that episode with the note back there was for all of us to enjoy  .  ’ ‘  you seem determined to ruin my day  .  ’ ‘  we made a girl want to consider suicide  .  what a scream  ,  what a jest  .  ’ ‘  come on you jerk  .  ’ ‘  you know you used to have a sense of humor  .  ’ ‘  a true friend’s work is never done  .  ’ ‘  color me nauseous  .  ’ ‘  geez  ,  don’t listen to them  .  ’ ‘  you know holden caulfield wouldn’t put up with their bogus nonsense  .  ’ ‘  god (name)  ,  drool much  ?  ’ ‘  greetings  &  salutations  .  ’ ‘  this may seem like a stupid question  .  ’ ‘  there are no stupid questions  .  ’ ‘  that’s the stupidest question i’ve ever heard  .  ’ ‘  let’s kick his ass  .  ’ ‘  too old for that crap  .  let’s give him a good scare though  .  ’ ‘  you going to eat this  ?  ’ ‘  what did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to sherwood  ,  ohio  ?  ’ ‘  it seems to have an open door policy for assholes though  ,  doesn’t it  ?  ’ ‘  what did you say dickweed  ?  ’ ‘  i’ll repeat myself  .  ’ ‘  god  ,  they won’t expell him  .  they’ll just suspend him for a week or something  .  ’ ‘  they should throw his ass in jail  .  ’ ‘  all (name) really did was ruin two pairs of pants  .  ’ ‘  can you bleach out urine stains  ?  ’ ‘  you seem pretty amused  .  ’ ‘  i thought you were giving up on high school guys  .  ’ ‘  never say never  .  ’ ‘  did you have a brain tumor for breakfast  ?  ’ ‘  anyway  ,  i can say never to high school  .  ’ ‘  no way  ,  no day  !  ’ ‘  give it up girl  !  ’ ‘  god  ,  that was unbelievable  .  ’ ‘  so tonights the night  .  ’ ‘  blow it tonight girl  &  it’s keggers with kids all next year  .  ’ ‘  so what was the first week of spring vacation withdrawal like  ?  ’ ‘  any contestants worth mentioning  ?  ’ ‘  there’s kind of a dark horse now in the running  .  ’ ‘  will somebody please tell me why i read this spy crap  .  ’ ‘  because you’re an idiot  .  ’ ‘  you going to pull a big gulp with that  ?  ’ ‘  if your nice i’ll let you buy me a slurpee  .  ’ ‘  you know your 7-11 speak pretty well  .  ’ ‘  there’s always a 7-11 any town  ,  any time  .  ’ ‘  the extreme always makes an impression  .  ’ ‘  did you say a cherry or coke slurpee  ?  ’ ‘  he seem to enjoy tearing things down more than putting things up  .  ’ ‘  must be rough moving place to place  .  ’ ‘  everybody’s life’s got static  .  ’ ‘  is your life perfect  ?  ’ ‘  it’s not perfect  .  ’ ‘  i don’t really like my friends  .  ’ ‘  i don’t really like your friends  .  ’ ‘  it’s like they’re just people i work with  &  our job is being popular  &  shit  .  ’ ‘  maybe it’s time for a vacation  .  ’ ‘  throw your coats on the bed  .  ’ ‘  that exam was so bogus  .  ’ ‘  did you girls bring your partying slippers  .  ’ ‘  she loves to party  .  ’ ‘  i want to kill  &  you have to believe it’s for more than selfish reasons  .  ’ ‘  you have to believe it’s for more than selfish reasons  ,  more than a spoke in my menstrual cycle  .  ’ ‘  you have to believe me  .  ’ ‘  so are you a cheerleader  ?  ’ ‘  it’s so great to be able to talk to a girl  &  not have to ask what’s your major  .  ’ ‘  so when you go to college  ,  what kind of subjects do you think you’ll study  ?  ’ ‘  let’s go back to the party  .  ’ ‘  you’re just so hot tonight  .  ’ ‘  i can’t control myself  .  ’ ‘  so what do you say we head up to my room  &  have a real party  .  ’ ‘  that pecker actually scored something on his own  ?  ’ ‘  (name)  ,  ever do cocaine  ?  ’ ‘  ever since phil collins did that anti - drug thing on mtv i refuse everything  .  ’ ‘  jeez  ,  right  ,  then why don’t i do drugs  ?  ’ ‘  hey  ,  don’t run away now  .  ’ ‘  seventeen is the last year mom buys the twinkies  .  ’ ‘  christ  ,  i can’t explain it  .  ’ ‘  i understand i must stop (name)  .  ’ ‘  how’s my little cheerleader  ?  ’ ‘  now i know everyone at your high school isn’t so uptight  .  ’ ‘  i don’t feel so great  .  ’ ‘  i have a little prepared speech i give when my suitor wants more than i’d like to give him  .  ’ ‘  save the speeches for malcom x  .  i just wanna get laid  .  ’ ‘  i just wanna get laid  .  ’ ‘  you don’t deserve my fucking speech  !  ’ ‘  (name) says you’re being a real cooze  .  ’ ‘  i feel awful  ,  like i’m going to throw up  .  ’ ‘  can we jam  ,  please  ?  ’ ‘  i sound like a psycho  .  ’ ‘  let me dream of a world without (name)  ,  a world where i’m free  .  ’ ‘  you stupid cunt  !  ’ ‘  you goddamn bitch  !  ’ ‘  you were nothing before you met me  !  ’ ‘  what’s my thanks  ?  ’ ‘  i get paid in puke  !  ’ ‘  lick it up  ,  baby  .  lick  .  it  .  up  .  ’ ‘  monday morning you’re history  .  ’ ‘  dreadful etiquette  .  i apologize  .  ’ ‘  i saw the croquet set - up in the back  .  up for a match  ?  ’ ‘  no wonder you looked so mangled when i came through the window  .  ’ ‘  i’ve always treated (name)’s teen queen power play as bullshit  .  ’ ‘  but i’m really scared  .  ’ ‘  who am i going to eat lunch with on monday  ?  ’ ‘  i sound like an after school special  .  ’ ‘  that was my first game of strip croquet  ,  you know  .  ’ ‘  it’s a lot more interesting than just flinging off your clothes  &  boning away on the neighbor’s swing set  .  ’ ‘  what a night  .  ’ ‘  what a life  .  ’ ‘  now blah - blah - blah is all i do  .  ’ ‘  i use my grand i.q. to figure out what gloss to wear  &  how to hit three keggers before curfew  .  some genius  .  ’ ‘  killing her won’t solve anything  .  ’ ‘  everybody would be cast fucking adrift  .  ’ ‘  i’ll pray for rain  .  ’ ‘  it was good for me too  ,  sparky  .  ’ ‘  just saying it’s not hard to end a life  .  ’ ‘  there’s a difference between the most popular girl in school  &  dead  .  ’ ‘  i guess i don’t know what the hell i’m talking about  .  ’ ‘  i know exactly what the hell you’re talking about  &  you’re right  ,  you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about  .  ’ ‘  i know exactly what the hell you’re talking about  .  ’ ‘  you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about  .  ’ ‘  let’s just grow up  ,  be adults  ,  &  die  .  ’ ‘  i’d like to see (name) puke her guts out  .  ’ ‘  let's just concoct ourselves a little hangover cure that'll induce her to spew red  ,  white  ,  &  blue  .  ’ ‘  what’s the upchuck factor on that  ?  ’ ‘  don’t be a dick  .  that stuff’ll kill her  .  ’ ‘  pull the plug on that shit  .  ’ ‘  she’d never drink anything that looks like that  .  ’ ‘  she won’t be able to tell what she’s drinking  .  ’ ‘  you’re not funny  .  ’ ‘  we both said a lot of things we didn’t mean last night  .  ’ ‘  how the hell’d you get in here  .  ’ ‘  i whipped this up  .  family recipe  .  ’ ‘  did you put a phlegm globber in it or something  ?  ’ ‘  i’m not drinking that piss  .  ’ ‘  i knew this stuff would be too intense  .  ’ ‘  intense  ?  grow up  .  ’ ‘  you think i’ll drink it just because you call me chicken  .  ’ ‘  just give me the cup  ,  jerk  .  ’ ‘  no shit  ,  sherlock  .  ’ ‘  i just killed my best friend  .  ’ ‘  what are we going to tell the cops  ?  ’ ‘  fuck it if she can’t take a joke  .  ’ ‘  stop kidding around  .  ’ ‘  i’m going to have to send my s.a.t. scores to san quentin instead of stanford  .  ’ ‘  i’m just a little freaked  ,  all right  ?  ’ ‘  you got what you wanted  ,  you know  .  ’ ‘  it’s one thing to want somebody out of your life  .  ’ ‘  it's one thing to want somebody out of your life  .  it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup of liquid drainer  .  ’ ‘  we did a murder  .  ’ ‘  adolescence is a period of life fraught with anxiety  &  confusion  .  ’ ‘  people think just because you’re beautiful  &  popular  ,  life is easy  &  fun  .  ’ ‘  nobody understood i had feelings too  .  ’ ‘  i die knowing no one knew the real me  .  ’ ‘  that’s good  .  have you done this before  ?  ’ ‘  call me when the shuttle lands  .  ’ ‘  let’s talk emotions  .  ’ ‘  i realize now i wasn’t really boring  ,  she was just dissatisfied with her life  .  ’ ‘  (name) was cool  ,  but cruel  .  ’ ‘  the good looks  &  bad manners gave her power but it could not give her happiness  .  ’ ‘  it’s just so unfair  !  ’ ‘  you could actually be digesting food  .  ’ ‘  fuck it  .  ’ ‘  she always said you couldn’t accessorize for shit  .  ’ ‘  i thought she was your usual airhead bitch  .  guess i was wrong  .  ’ ‘  guess i was wrong  .  lot of us were  .  ’ ‘  what a waste  .  ’ ‘  oh the humanity  .  ’ ‘  do i deliver or do i deliver  ?  ’ ‘  hurry up  ,  we’re going to get caught  .  ’ ‘  does this have something to do with menstrual cramps  &  shit  ?  ’ ‘  that was seriously warped  .  ’ ‘  she hated you  !  you hated her  !  .  ’ ‘  what are you smiling at  ?  ’ ‘  goddamn .  will somebody please tell me why I smoke these damn things  ?  ’ ‘  this is a tragic thing  &  sometimes i have a hard time dealing with it  &  stuff  .  ’ ‘  why did you kill such hot snatch  .  ’ ‘  that’s a joke  ,  man  .  people are so serious  .  ’ ‘  hail mary who aren’t in heaven  ,  pray for us sinners  . . .  so we don’t get caught  .  ’ ‘  i just want my high school to be a nice place  .  ’ ‘  did that sound bitchy  ?  ’ ‘  that pudwapper just stepped on my foot  .  ’ ‘  i’m sure your friends are happy to hear that  .  ’ ‘  i hope it isn’t going to be one of those nights where they get shitfaced  &  take us to a pasture to tip cows  .  ’ ‘  oh shit  ,  cowtipping is the fucking greatest  .  ’ ‘  when i get that feeling i need sexual healing  .  ’ ‘  yeah  ,  right  ,  asshole  .  ’ ‘  what is this shit  ?  .  ’ ���  seven high schools in seven states  &  the only thing different was my locker combination  .  ’ ‘  don’t smile like that  ,  jesus  !  ’ ‘  our love is god  .  let’s go get a slurpee  .  ’ ‘  let’s go get a slurpee  .  ’ ‘  this thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth  .  ’ ‘  i’m sorry  ?  i don’t get it  .  ’ ‘  don’t shut up  .  i’d like to know just what i did  .  ’ ‘  i guess my emotions took over  .  ’ ‘  we won’t be using blanks this time  .  ’ ‘  you can’t be serious  ?  ’ ‘  hey listen  ,  my bonnie  &  clyde days are over  .  ’ ‘  now prepare to be a little disappointed  .  ’ ‘  shut the fuck up  ,  all right  .  ’ ‘  lighten up  ,  dude  .  ’ ‘  in those woods is some of the finest pussy in the school  &  we don’t even have to buy it a hamburger  &  a diet coke  .  ’ ‘  so do we just start fucking  ?  ’ ‘  i was hoping you’d rip my clothes off me  ,  sport  .  ’ ‘  did you miss him completely  ?  ’ ‘  i always hear gunshots when i’m high before noon  .  ’ ‘  life’s a crazy bitch  .  ’ ‘  life’s a crazy bitch  ,  don’t try to analyze it  .  ’ ‘  you took the suggestion as an opportunity to play yet another round of let’s laugh at the hippie  .  ’ ‘  you believed it because you wanted to believe it  .  ’ ‘  your true feelings were too gross  &  icky for you to face  .  ’ ‘  i did not want them dead  .  ’ ‘  ah  ,  young love  .  ’ ‘  my teen angst bullshit now has a body count  .  ’ ‘  the most popular people in the school are dead  .  ’ ‘  everybody’s sad  ,  but it’s a good kind of sad  .  ’ ‘  it’s god versus my boyfriend  &  god’s losing  .  ’ ‘  kill the jukebox  .  ’ ‘  i may be a geek but i have my pride  .  ’ ‘  why are you dissing me  ,  (name)  ?  ’ ‘  i’m trying to redefine the high school experience  .  ’ ‘  you’re ignoring the high school experience  .  ’ ‘  people are dead  &  all you can think to do is whip up some warped pity party  .  ’ ‘  if we’re going to ever build respect for each other  ,  it’s gotta be something  . . .  something real  .  ’ ‘  it was chaos  .  fucking chaos  .  ’ ‘  chaos is great  .  ’ ‘  chaos is what killed the dinosaurs  ,  darling  .  ’ ‘  we scare people into not being assholes  .  ’ ‘  our way is not our way  .  ’ ‘  i’m telling it to you  !  you  !  ’ ‘  nothing good can come from suicide  ,  from murder  ,  from death  .  ’ ‘  you can be so immature  .  ’ ‘  we beat the bitches  .  ’ ‘  do you like your father  ?  ’ ‘  never given the matter much thought  .  ’ ‘  in some sick way  ,  we unclogged the sinuses of the school  .  ’ ‘  if we’re going to keep the school healthy  ,  it’s gotta be through something having to with life  ,  not death  .  ’ ‘  whoa  ,  metaphor tennis anyone  ?  ’ ‘  if you put a nazi in a concentration camp  ,  does that make you a nazi  ?  ’ ‘  that’s it  ,  we’re breaking up  .  ’ ‘  you can’t bring them back  .  you must know that  .  ’ ‘  i’m not trying to bring back anyone except maybe myself  .  ’ ‘  to think there was a time when i thought you were cool  .  ’ ‘  if you can’t deal with me now  ,  just stay home  .  ’ ‘  if you can’t deal with me now  ,  just stay home  &  shoot your t.v.  ,  blow away a couple toasters or something  .  ’ ‘  just don’t come to school  &  don’t mess with me  .  ’ ‘  you’ll be back  !  ’ ‘  where did you get these  ?  ’ ‘  what is this  ?  blackmail  ?  ’ ‘  i’ll give you a week’s lunch money  .  ’ ‘  i don’t believe it  ,  i’m winning  .  ’ ‘  don’t get cocky  ,  girl  .  ’ ‘  i know i’m not as exciting as your other friends  .  ’ ‘  your daydreams are a lot better than my realities  ,  believe me  .  ’ ‘  nice guys finish last  .  i should know  .  ’ ‘  nice guys finish last  .  ’ ‘  you’re so polluted  .  ’ ‘  i don’t see what gives you the right to lecture  .  ’ ‘  some people just don’t matter  .  why should those who do carry their weight  ?  ’ ‘  some people just don’t matter  .  ’ ‘  it’s not even your turn  .  ’ ‘  maybe by the time we head back  ,  your tampon’ll be flushed  .  ’ ‘  christ  ,  doesn’t anybody knock  ?  ’ ‘  so i’m a dark horse  ,  huh  ?  ’ ‘  you make me blush  .  ’ ‘  did you come to tell me something  ?  something nice  ,  remotely apologetic  .  ’ ‘  i say it’s about time we got down to doing what we do best  .  ’ ‘  just finish your drink  &  get out  .  ’ ‘  these little programs eat up suicide with a spoon  .  ’ ‘  if we’re not going to watch that program  ,  can i put on my game  ?  ’ ‘  hey kids  ,  make your parents  &  teachers feel like shit  !  ’ ‘  get the respect in death you’ll never get in life  !  ’ ‘  get up off the floor  ,  your dress is getting filthy  .  ’ ‘  everybody cares about youth  ,  not the individual  .  ’ ‘  all we want is to be treated like human beings  ,  not like guinea pigs to be experimented on  &  not like bunny rabbits to be patronized  .  ’ ‘  all we want is to be treated like human beings  .  ’ ‘  i do not patronize bunny rabbits  .  ’ ‘  treated like human beings  ?  is that what you said little miss voice of a generation  ?  ’ ‘  just how do you think adults act with other adults  ?  ’ ‘  adults can be horrible to other adults  .  ’ ‘  when teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings it’s usually because they are being treated like human beings  .  ’ ‘  i guess i picked the wrong time to be a human being  .  ’ ‘  you’ll live  .  ’ ‘  another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people of the school  &  failing miserably  .  ’ ‘  i said i was sorry  .  ’ ‘  you are out of control  .  ’ ‘  (name) couldn’t take the heat so she got out of the kitchen  .  just think what a better place the world would be if every nimrod followed her cue  .  ’ ‘  just shut up  &  turn on the radio  .  ’ ‘  sometimes i feel like i’m on that island  &  gilligan can be just so stupid sometimes  .  ’ ‘  dude  ,  you’ve got to remember if it wasn’t for the courage of the fearless crew  ,  the minnow would be lost  .  ’ ‘  god has cursed me  ,  i think  .  the last time i had sex  ,  the guy killed himself the next day  .  i’m failing math  ’ ‘  the last time i had sex  ,  the guy killed himself the next day  .  ’ ‘  i’m failing math  .  ’ ‘  we’ll crucify her  !  ’ ‘  my whole life is a mess  .  ’ ‘  i was supposed to be captain of the cheerleading team  .  ’ ‘  i can’t get him out of my head  .  ’ ‘  are we going to the prom or to hell  ?  ’ ‘  give me a break  .  ’ ‘  what are you trying to do  ?  kill me  ?  ’ ‘  what are you trying to do  ?  sleep  ?  ’ ‘  suicide is a private thing  .  ’ ‘  you’re giving your life away to become a goddamn statistic in u.s. fucking a today  .  that’s got to be the least private thing i can think of  .  ’ ‘  if everyone jumped off a bridge  ,  young lady  ,  would you  ?  ’ ‘  if you were happy every day of your life  ,  you wouldn’t be a human being  ,  you’d be a game show host  .  ’ ‘  if you were happy every day of your life  ,  you wouldn’t be a human being  .  ’ ‘  let’s knock off early  .  buy some shoes  ,  something lame like that  .  ’ ‘  people love me  !  ’ ‘  color me stoked  ,  girl  !  ’ ‘  people love you but i know you  .  ’ ‘  so some people need different kinds of convincing than others  .  ’ ‘  jealous much  ?  ’ ‘  why can’t you just be a friend  ?  why are you such a megabitch  ?  ’ ‘  why can’t you just be a friend  ?  ’ ‘  why are you such a megabitch  ?  ’ ‘  why are you pulling my dick  ?  ’ ‘  wanna go out tonight  ?  ’ ‘  i knew you’d come back  .  ’ ‘  it’s over  ,  (name)  !  over  !  grow up  !  ’ ‘  i don’t get it  ,  you were wrong  !  i was right  !  ’ ‘  you can’t ever find a place nice  &  peaceful because there isn’t any  .  ’ ‘  get off my bed  ,  you sick psycho  .  ’ ‘  you think you’re a rebel  ,  you’re not a rebel  .  you’re a sick psycho  .  ’ ‘  you think you’re a rebel  ,  you’re not a rebel  .  .  ’ ‘  do you think you’re a rebel  ?  ’ ‘  you say tomayto  ,  say tomahto  .  let’s call the the whole thing off  .  ’ ‘  i usually go for whole sentences myself  ,  but hey this is perfecto  .  ’ ‘  you’re not listening  !  i’m not on your side  .  ’ ‘  this knife is filthy  .  ’ ‘  you don’t get it  ,  do you  ?  ’ ‘  society nods its head at any horror the american teenager can think to bring upon itself  .  ’ ‘  let’s hope she’s rubbing noses with jesus  .  ’ ‘  is this turnout weak or what  ?  ’ ‘  he’s wrong but i’m going to teach him what’s right  .  ’ ‘  i’m going to stop (name) if it’s the last thing i do  .  ’ ‘  i can’t believe you did it  .  i was teasing  .  ’ ‘  sure  ,  i climbed up here to kill you  ,  but first i was going to try  &  get you back  .  ’ ‘  we coulda toasted marshmallows together  .  ’ ‘  hey  ,  why so tense  ?  ’ ‘  sorry tiger  ,  i’m a little busy  .  ’ ‘  get a job  .  ’ ‘  oh my god  ,  another damn pep assembly  .  ’ ‘  may i see your hall pass  ?  ’ ‘  i knew that loose was too noose  !  i mean  ,  noose too loose  !  goddamn you  !  ’ ‘  like father  ,  like son  .  ’ ‘  you didn’t say simon says  .  ’ ‘  live by the sword  . . .  ’ ‘  you think just because you started this thing  ,  you can end it  ?  ’ ‘  you want to wipe the slate clean as much as i do  .  ’ ‘  so maybe i am killing everyone in the school because nobody loves me  .  ’ ‘  you have a purpose though  !  remember  ?  ’ ‘  let’s face it  ,  the only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven  .  ’ ‘  there’s a school that self - destructed not because society didn’t care  ,  but because that school was society  .  ’ ‘  is that deep or what  ?  ’ ‘  i’ll let you put it in your diary  ,  babe  .  free of charge  .  ’ ‘  you know what i want  ,  babe  ?  ’ ‘  you know what i want  ,  babe  ?  cool guys like you out of my life  .  ’ ‘  but don’t worry  ,  these here were ich luge bullets  .  ’ ‘  color me impressed  .  ’ ‘  you really fucked me up  ,  (name)  .  ’ ‘  you’ve got power  ,  (name)  .  power i didn’t think you had  .  ’ ‘  the slate is clean  .  ’ ‘  pretend i did blow up the school  ,  all the schools  .  now that you’re dead  ,  what are you gonna do with your life  ?  ’ ‘  (name)  ,  you look like hell  .  ’ ‘  (name)  ,  my love  ,  there’s a new sheriff in town  .  ’ ‘  my date for the prom kind of flaked out on me  ,  so i thought if you weren’t doing anything that night we could go to the video store  &  rent some new releases or something  .  maybe pop some popcorn  .  ’ ‘  my date for the prom kind of flaked out on me  .  ’ ‘  i thought if you weren’t doing anything that night we could go to the video store  &  rent some new releases or something  .  maybe pop some popcorn  .  ’

Dear Gus,

I turned 38 years old today. I’ll post the detailed account I posted to Facebook of how I spent the day below, but I left out the part about how after talking to Nene, I kept standing out on the patio at Yiayia’s house. I watched you and Mom through the window. You sat in her lap, laughing at whatever she was doing. I’m so happy you and me and Mom all have each other. And that we have everyone else. I’m so happy you are happy.

Dad

North Little Rock, Arkansas. 1.8.2020 - 6.23pm.

PLAY BY PLAY:

I don’t know what time it is when I wake up. The room is still dark. I can just make out enough of the bedsheets to notice that Liz is already gone. She had to be at the hospital by 6:30am for work. I lift my phone off the bedside table. It’s nearly 7am. Gus calls for his mother from his crib, but he doesn’t complain when I open his door, turn off his space heater and his sound machine.

“I want Mama,” he says. His pacifier muffles his words.

“Mama’s at work,” I say, opening the wooden blinds.

“No, she’s not,” he says.

“Where is she?”

“She’s in there,” he says, pointing down the dimly lit hallway.

“Okay,” I say, picking him up. “Do you want some breakfast?”

“I need a fig bar and a banana and a vitamin,” he says. He says it every morning.

He tosses his pacifier into the kitchen sink while I peel him a whole banana, careful not to break it, and put it into the Ziploc bowl with a leftover fig bar. His teeth marks are left from a bite he took yesterday. I add the gummy purple vitamin and hand him the bowl. We walk into the living room and I use the remote to turn the television on.

“I want to watch Dino the Dinosaur,” he says. The show features Dino and his friend Dina, dinosaurs of the triceratops variety, who learn about colors or numbers or shapes in every super-short episode. Neither character talks, but a woman with a soothing voice narrates everything. He loves it. Liz and I can’t stand to watch the show, but it’s better than when he got hooked on Trolls, which has no educational value. Or any redeeming qualities whatsoever.

As I leave the room, Gus erupts into a scream. I know immediately that he has noticed I’ve given him yesterday’s fig bar. He cries and says something unintelligible about it.

“Do you want a new fig bar?”

He says something else unintelligible about it.

“Do you want a blueberry or a raspberry fig bar?” I ask.

He stops crying and says he wants raspberry.

I put the new fig bar in his bowl and take out the fig bar with the missing bite. I start to throw it in my mouth, but remember I haven’t weighed yet. I record my weight every day into a Google spreadsheet I share with my cousin John. We have compared weights for years, but got serious about it in 2018 when we began recording our weights every day in the document, the title of which is “Fat Boys.”

When my grandfather was alive, he must’ve thought his grandsons were all a bunch of lanky, weak kids because he offered $100 to the first of us who could get to 180 pounds. He wanted a grandson that could help him contend with livestock. Zachary earned the money, but now that our grandfather’s gone, we’re all on the other side of 180, trying to get back.

I step onto the scale. It reads 187.8. Down a pound from yesterday. A win. I pop the half-eaten fig bar in my mouth and walk to the back bathroom to take a shower.

I see Gus’s blurry shape through the frosted glass of the shower. I stand on my tiptoes to look at him from over the door.

“I need my milk,” he tells me. We call it milk, but it’s really rice milk. He’s allergic to dairy, so we’ve cycled through all the milk alternatives for the last couple of years. His doctors thought he might also be allergic to soy, so we gave up on soy milk, then we discovered he probably had a tree nut allergy, so we quit almond milk. He wouldn’t drink oat milk, so here we are. For now. Our gastroenterology specialist has asked us to bring in another stool sample for testing. He scolded Liz this week for rescheduling Gus’s scope recently, even though his staff told us to reschedule because of a cold. It was an unnecessary risk, they said. The abnormal results from the lab tests weren’t that big of a deal, the doctor himself said. But when Liz sat in front of him this week, he felt differently. He felt we weren’t taking Gus’s health seriously. He threatened to not reschedule if we were just going to cancel. When she recounted the conversation with me over the phone, I could feel my blood boil. There was a time when I believed in the authority of doctors and could stand to be talked down to within reason, but that time is no longer. Now I need them to recognize the importance of customer service. My instinct was to drive to Children’s Hospital and kick his office door down, but instead I told Liz to write down everything that he told her and the tone in which he said it because as soon as we no longer need him to tell us what is wrong with our boy’s digestive system, I will make sure everyone within earshot understands what an arrogant prick he is. (Stay tuned.)

“Did you poop?” I ask Gus.

“No, I didn’t poop,” he says.

“I think you pooped,” I say, hoisting him onto the changing table. I am late and don’t really have time to take the stool sample now, but I want to get it as quickly as possibly so we can get back the lab results.

I strip his pajamas off him and check his diaper. He wasn’t lying. There is no poop.

“Where are we going today?” Gus asks me.

“I’m going to work and you’re going to school.”

“Oh no, school’s closed today, Daddy.”

I glare at him, but he’s committed to the lie—he doesn’t smirk.

At work, my coworkers have hung a couple of “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” banners in my office, which I share with Derek, though he isn’t in yet. They hand me the birthday sombrero to wear and we stand around the small conference room singing happy birthday. My brother-in-law has sent two breakfast casseroles and a large mixing bowl full of fresh fruit. We eat and catch up. We are a closely knit team, but it feels like we haven’t talked as a group since before Christmas, with everyone coming and going. A child has started at daycare. A spouse has gotten a dog. I express my growing anger toward the doctor. A 9:30 meeting breaks up our reunion and we all go back to work.

Derek and I debate where to go to lunch. I pull out my Excel sheet and begin reading off the names of local restaurants. We discuss a future study in which we spend each week only eating one dish, comparing one restaurant to another. We will find the city’s best ramen, the best pizza, the best cobb salad. But for now, we just need lunch. It’s already after noon. We go to Senor Tequila because it’s closer than anywhere else. We each get the special of the day: Bean burrito, cheese enchilada, Mexican rice for $6. We’re both amazed at how cheap that is. Derek quickly does some math on how much money he would save for the rest of his life if he only ate a $6 lunch. The figure is relatively astronomical. But then he surprises me by buying me lunch for my birthday, which would throw his number off, probably.

This morning, Liz tasked me with deciding what I’d like to do for my birthday dinner. She is unsatisfied when I tell her I don’t know. She tells me we can go somewhere, or she can make me something, or her mother has offered to order take-out at her house. I tell Liz I will decide later and text her before she gets off work at 3pm.

As that hour approaches, I am overwhelmed with the mountain of work I am facing at the office. I need the mental boost that comes with being able to scratch anything off my to-do list. Something easy, something quick. I text Liz that I want to go to her mother’s house and eat what we refer to as Korean tacos—chopped salmon and rice wrapped in seaweed. Accomplishing that simple task and being decisive gives me confidence to also ask her to make me a cherry pie, though I tell her it doesn’t have to be today. Just soon.

When she gets off work, she calls to say she’ll make the pie tonight if I’ll go get Gus from daycare.

In my truck I’m listening to Dani Shapiro read her memoir, HOURGLASS. I’ve mostly read fiction lately and Shapiro has reminded me how much I love memoir done right. So right that I feel like I’ve known her, personally, for a long time. Like we have a history that would warrant me picking up my phone and texting her to say, “I’m finally getting around to reading your book, old friend, and it is beautiful.” I wonder if my mother would like the book. I think she would.

I race across town to get to Gus’s daycare in Hillcrest before 5:30pm, but when I get there, I have time to spare. There are only five minutes left in my book, so I turn my truck’s engine off and watch the other parents wrangle their children into their respective cars while I listen to the very end—“This audiobook has been a production…”

I meet eyes with a mother I don’t recognize coming out of the school, and I realize just how creepy I may look, sitting there outside a daycare in my nondescript pick-up truck, no sense of urgency to get out and retrieve my child.

“Daddy!” Gus says, running into my arms when I finally go in and stand in the doorway where he and his friend Luna are the last two children.

“Does someone at your house have a birthday today?” Ms. Cathy asks Gus. “It’s Daddy’s birthday!” Gus says. And I feel incredibly loved by my son. He doesn’t have to love me, I think, but he does.

On the way home, I explain to Gus how the red lights and the green lights dictate when we stop and when we go. He is fascinated. He applies the rule to all the lights he sees.

“What is that yellow light?” he asks.

“That’s a controversial subject, son.” I say. “Some people think it means slow down, but I’m in the camp that just thinks it means it’s time to commit.”

“Oooohhhh…” he says. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I want to go see diggers,” he says. We are in a construction equipment phase.

“We’ll have to keep an eye out for some on the way to Yiayia & Papou’s.”

“Are we going to Yiayia & Papou’s?”

“Yiayia & Papou, we’re coming for you…” I say. It’s a game we’ve played for probably a year. I say the names of the people whose house we are going to and he will say what it is he wants from them.

“We’re coming for you and your toys and your Paw Patrol,” he responds.

When we get there, he runs into the living room for the toys and the Paw Patrol, which are also toys.

“Happy birthday,” Zill says.

Athena hugs me. Liz kisses me. I can tell she is eager for me to see that she is making my cherry pie.

“I didn’t have time to make Nana’s crust, but look at those cherries,” she says.

They are the red of earthy roses, a color not found from a can of cherry pie filling.

Athena pulls two beers from the refrigerator. “They’re both Birthday Bomb! beers, but one is aged in a whiskey barrel!” she tells me.

Liz and I are on a diet that only allows us to drink once a week and this week has already been spoken for.

“It’s a special occasion,” she says. “You should drink them.”

Athena pulls a frozen mug from the freezer and I pour the stout into the glass. I sit with Zill in the living room. We toast that our country has somehow managed to not initiate World War III yet. Athena brings in a plate of large, chilled shrimp, which grabs Gus’s attention.

“What are those things?” he asks.

“Those are shrimp,” I say. “You love shrimp.”

“I need to have them,” he says.

I hold one by the tail as he eagerly bites into it. He wants to take another bite before he finishes the first. He’s ready to move on to the next shrimp entirely, but I regain his attention and show him the meat that is still in the tail. He devours one shrimp after the other. So much so that I look around to see if anyone else thinks I should stop him. Liz is happy he’s eating protein and not carbs, so I let him continue.

My mother calls me and I step out onto the back patio. She wishes me a happy birthday and we talk about my day. We talk about the extended family getting together Sunday maybe to celebrate everyone who has a birthday in January—me, my sister, my grandmother, my aunt and uncle and oldest niece, Caroline, who came within hours of being a February birthday that night in 2008 when we all waited so long in the waiting room at the hospital in Memphis.

“Stop by so we can give you your birthday gift,” my sister texts me. They live less than a mile from us.

By the time Liz gets Gus bathed and I insist on waiting around to see the Final Jeopardy question, which I initially answered partially correct, but then second-guess myself enough to ultimately miss entirely, our family is tired. I drive Liz and Gus home so she can put him to bed, then I double back.

I look through the window and see Laura and Chris sitting in their living room, which is halfway through a remodel and in a state of disarray. I walk in without knocking. The lights are mostly out, but there is a lamp over the new keyboard my mother got her granddaughters for Christmas this year.

“Where’s Liz?” they ask. They prefer their aunt to their uncle.

“She had to go put Gus down,” I say, noticing the paper taped to two chairs facing the keyboard. On each paper is our names—“Guy” and “Liz”—our assigned seats.

Caroline casually walks out of the hallway onto the makeshift staging area in front of me. She holds a cardboard beard to her face and delivers lines she has written and rehearsed, but that don’t quite steer a clear narrative. Her younger sister emerges from the hallway with a similar prop and a less confident set of lines. They ramp up the drama by throwing their cardboard disguises away quickly and each donning a man’s necktie with the tags still on. They go back into the hallway and return with a gift bag for me. Inside, I find a vintage tie rack on which I will be able to hang the ties they have gotten me.

When things settle down, Cate sits at the keyboard. “I tried to learn ‘Happy Birthday,’ but I couldn’t,” she says to me, before playing the first notes of another simple tune from the songbook in front of her. We all clap when she finishes. I hug both my nieces and their parents.

“Did you ever take piano lessons, Gunkel?” Cate asks me.

“I did, but not for very long,” I say. “I could never coordinate my left hand while I was also using my right.”

Like I always do when I am in front of piano keys, I play the recognizable right hand to the melody of Beethoven’s Fur Elise.

“Can you teach me how to read those notes?” I ask Cate, nodding toward her songbook.

She shows me which notes correspond and together we try to play something. I enjoy the time with her, and I enjoy reading the music, even if it’s in such a simplistic form.

Again, I thank them for my gifts, then say goodbye. As I back out of their driveway, I notice a text from the woman who was married to my father when he died. They were married for nearly two decades. She has already wished me a happy birthday and so before I open it, I think hard about what information she might have to give me, but come up with nothing.

“Abbey passed tonight,” her text reads.

My father’s dog. A Jack Russell terrier he got when I lived with them. She was nuts, but also cute and loyal and absolutely fearless. Every time Dad introduced her to someone, he would say, “She’d fight a bear,” and he would tell of the time she came wandering home after fighting a wild animal, her insides dragging behind her.

Now, when I think of Abbey, I think of my father in his hospital bed at home in White County, depressed and ready to die, and in the corner, guarding the window, there is Abbey, standing guard for him, happy to wait as long as she needs to. I will always love her for the happiness she gave him.

When I get home, the lights are out. Liz and Gus are asleep. Suki and I walk to the backyard and I throw the tennis ball for her over and over until she no longer brings it back. I wash my hands and see our family cookbook on the counter. It lies open to the page listing my Nana’s pie crust recipe. I imagine Liz pulling the cookbook out this afternoon. And I feel incredibly loved by my wife. She doesn’t have to love me, but she does.

This is my wonderful life at 38 years old: cherry pies, tie racks, and memories of my father and his dog.

Hey! I seen that you were applying for classes this incoming semester. & I was wondering if you had any tips on when stress/anxiety starts to effect your school work? I’m going into my third year but I’m a little behind because I didn’t do so well last spring semester because I didn’t feel motivated to do anything and I just felt burnt out. So I have to retake some classes 😭 just lmk! & thank you! 💕

It’s perfectly fine love, we’ve all been there and everybody’s journey is different so I guess the number one thing is to forgive yourself for mistakes. They happen and moving on is the fastest way to getting back on track. Also here are a few other things that help me throughout the semester

(Gradewise)- never just let anything go. If you missed a question, even if you’d think you’ll never see it again, ask your professor about it. Trust me they have way more respect for students who missed a question and asked where they went wrong than those who remained quiet (especially if it’s after a quiz/test and it seems like you’re not just there for points). Also it shows a dedication to learn (even if your could care less, they don’t know that lol.) Teachers remember that when it’s time to curve grades.

Know what can break you out of a depression spell and make that into a routine. Feel that depression coming on? Going through a bad depressive state? Do that routine. Doesn’t work the first time? Do it again or have a few back up resort options if that doesn’t work. Mine is I take a long shower, put on make up (even if I’m not going anywhere), clean my apartment, then go to the gym. If that doesn’t work I go grocery shopping and get a ton of fresh fruits.

NEVER MISS DAYS UNNECESSARILY! Ever. I know the internet likes to glorify mental health days but that just doesn’t work for some people. I know personally the guilt of missing one class often makes me feel worse than just going, or it leads me to missing another and another and eventually I just have to drop or fail the class completely. If you know you’re a similar type of person DONT LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THAT TRAP. So that whenever you do actually HAVE TO miss a day, the guilt won’t eat you alive because you know you actually needed it.

Study Groups. Study Groups. Study Groups. Some people physically can’t study alone (I’m one of them) so try to get a study group together as often as you can.

Change study locations often. If you can’t study in your room try the library or a coffee shop.

If you feel you’re falling behind, TELL YOUR PROFESSOR IMMEDIATELY! I find professors aren’t very responsive to students grievances near the end of the course so as soon as you feel you aren’t doing too well in any area, make sure they know.

Make sure your professor knows your face and your name. It helps. Plus it makes you more inclined to go to class because you know they’ll notice if you’re gone.

Watch/ Consume media that makes you wanna be studious/ go to class. This one is tricky because it’s different for everyone but I personally watch college oriented shows like “Dear White People” or College Vlogs on YT to get me motivated. (It’s weird but it works.)

Wake up early and get pretty. If makeup makes you feel pretty, wear makeup. If certain outfits make you feel pretty, wear those fits! If you feel like a boss bitch it’ll motivate you to go to class!

Set a study schedule. Don’t wait til the last minute, study the day you get the material because you’ll be ready for more the next day and more inclined to go to class because you don’t wanna break the flow/ cycle.

Get a buddy in the class. Idk how your school is but I go to a HBCU and black people live to crack jokes, especially towards their professors. Juvenile, I know, but classes that are funny/ fun to go to usually don’t create anxiety because they’re seen as a safe environment.

Buy that expensive stationery you’ve been eyeing. Always wanted that kind of expensive set of pens, highlighters, etc.? BUY THEM. Then you’ll go to class/ take pretty notes just so you feel like you got your money’s worth.

Start. Literally just start. If you’re burnt out, doing a little bit here and their. Even if you’re taking it one question or one sentence at a time goes a long way as compared to not doing anything at all.

Go. Literally just go. I used to be crazy self conscious about my looks and wouldn’t go at all if I didn’t feel cute. Fuck that. Any reason you have to not go (that’s not a REAL reason like being sick or something) just ignore it and go anyway. I’ve gone to some classes and played on my phone the whole time. I still absorbed more doing that than staying home.

Remember that the only person holding you back is YOU. This one is a tough one because sometimes our minds can play games with us and let us think that things are worse/ more detrimental than they actually are. Actively try to shit out all negative thoughts that you can and realize that there’s absolutely nothing between you and that A bit yourself (and maybe a couple hours of studying).

(Bonus) Try your hardest. Sometimes, our minds tell us not to try at all because it hurts less to not try than to try and fail. That’s a lie. It all hurts the same. Try your hardest and put in the time and work so that even if you get a D C B etc, you know it was at least a better grade than if you had not tried at all. And that ACTUALLY DOES make the bad grade hurt less.

I really hoped this helped sis! This is just what helps me and I know when you’re in a dark place some of these might not seem so applicable but I really hope you remember a few and they work for you! And GOOD LUCK ON THIS SEMESTER!!! YOU GOT IT IN THE BACK GIRL!!!!

It’s all well and good to criticize missionary work as the disgusting colonialist bullshit that it is and for the toxic influence it has on communities - even white communities, for that matter! I for one agree. That shit should be fucking banned. But what we should also be talking about is how, at least in the case of Mormonism, it serves as a form of brainwashing for the missionaries themselves. In Mormonism it really is an abusive practice.

Essentially every Mormon man is expected (coerced) to go on a mission after they graduate from high school. They are taken off to a totally unfamiliar place, sometimes even a foreign country, where they are, in a sense, completely closed off from the outside world for two entire years. They can’t contact their family by any means more than once a week, and are very limited in any other form of communication. Every waking hour of their day is totally controlled by the church, and they never have any privacy or personal time. If you look at their daily schedule, you can see that they spend half an hour exercising and three hours doing basic activities like eating and showering. The entire rest of the day is spent studying the scriptures and church propaganda, proselytizing, and praying. The church has a total monopoly on their time for two years, and they spend most of it either reading propaganda or spreading it to others. Think about what that does to a person. They must spend all their time with their partner, who was in all likelihood a total stranger when their mission started. If they start to question the church or break a rule, their partner must report them to church authorities. Their only real contact with the outside world outside of weekly calls of emails to their family is through church and proselytism, both designed to further entrench their unquestioning faith and obedience to the church. Of course, they also spend the entire mission horribly sexually repressed and pent up, since the church HIGHLY restricts their contact with women, forbids masturbation, and hates gays.

The purpose of all this is not just to bring more people into the church, but to break down the missionaries and destroy their personality, molding them into the Good Mormons they’re supposed to be, who will never question or disobey the church. The point is to ensure the eternal loyalty of their propagandists and slaves. Furthermore, all this sexual repression serves to transform them into a horny, sexually repressed mess, so that they will waste no time and immediately find and marry a Nice Mormon Girl (who is likewise very sexually repressed and horny) upon returning home just so they can be allowed to have sex, only to be trapped in a Literally Eternal [citation needed] marriage with someone they may not even be compatible with. They are, then, constantly pressured to make Lots And Lots of Cute Mormon Children and repeat the cycle, delivering more and more Sweet Tithing Money into the hands of the capitalists who run the church, to invest in more shopping malls and reactionary laws like Prop 8. It’s truly a sick and abusive institution.

I’m so glad I got out before I was called. As a trans woman I can’t imagine what that shit would have done to me.

The Asle Life

Waking up early is the very first challenge I have to overcome every single day. Even if my class starts at one o'clock in the afternoon, I still need to wake up at six o'clock in the morning.

The first thing I do in the morning is check my phone. I'm not gonna lie, I spend time on my social media accounts right after my eyes open. Yeah, I know it's not a good headstart for the day.Then, I'm going to make my bed, grab my clean clothes from my closet and go down to eat my breakfast which is usually water or coffee paired with koko krunch with milk. I don't eat rice for breakfast, I only eat heavy meals in the morning if I think I need to. After eating, I'm going to take a very quick half shower because all of my siblings need to take a bath too. They have to go to school and I will be the one who will bring and fetch my youngest sister from her daycare, the reason why I need to wake up early everyday.

When we arrive at my sister's school, I just use my phone and browse through my accounts, I also do my homeworks and projects while waiting for her to finish and come out. I even made friends with the moms and other guardians who are also waiting for their child, sometimes we eat together in a stall that sells streetfoods. When my sister is done, we go home immediately because I still need to go to school. When we're finally home, I still need to help her change her clothes. Then, I will take a proper bath and prepare for my school. After preparing, I still need to eat my lunch because my grandmother will be mad if I won't take care of myself and eat on time. She won't let me go if I don't eat even if I'm already late, I'm getting more late because I really eat slowly like a turtle.

In school, I always get late in my first subject, and I really feel sorry because sometimes, I cannot catch up and manage my time and schedule because I have a lot of errands to do. I can't leave my grandmother alone with the chores because she's already old and there's no one who can help her in our house except me. While in school, I just study and when it's dismissal time, I go home as soon as possible.

Finally, when I'm home already, I eat my dinner and then wash all the dishes. After that, I brush my teeth and wash my face and feet, then, I go upstairs so I can do what I need to do. I don't really have a lot of time to finish all the performance tasks and requirements needed for me to have a good or passing grade, that's why I stay up late just to finish even one school work that is going to be passed the next day. I usually sleep for 3-4 hours and then wake up early in the morning again and repeat the cycle of my daily living.

snow, snuggles, and shitty

Kent Parson/Jack Zimmermann, Jack Zimmermann & Shitty Knight Rated M Tags: Snowed In, Injury Recovery, Anxiety, Coming Out, Temporary Mobility Aid Chapter 1/?  2.1k words 

for @parsebingo​ squares  snowed in, injury, recovery, shower sex, bed sharing.

read on ao3

Before the Aces announce Kent being put on IR, he texts Jack, asking if he could come for a quick visit while his knee rests. Of course Jack immediately thinks of how it would be to wake up next to Kenny again, to just be close to him, but his rational side speaks first.

Doesn't the team need your support? What about training? Kit needs--

Kent fields the questions sufficiently enough for Jack to concede. He books his flight before Jack can change his mind.

Jack isn't worried. Really. Everything is going to turn out fine. None of this is going to cause him any problems. Everyone won't think anything of Kent coming to visit him. The world knows they're friends. His friends know he and Kent are friends. No one will look beyond that.

Okay, Jack's worrying a little. He's talked things over with Kent, who reassured him for the hundredth time that things are gonna be fine, but Jack's anxiety didn't get the memo. He takes in a long breath through his nose and puffs it out through his mouth in a frustrated sigh.

With everyone else out for classes or studying, Jack has the Haus to himself, awaiting Kent's arrival. He’s picking away at the blanket covering the green couch waiting for Kent to knock on the front door. With each passing minute, Jack comes up with more reasons for Kent not to be here. He'll hate the Haus, the couch, berate Jack for using the roof as a room, and so on. He realizes all these passing problems aren't real. Kent wouldn't judge him.

A rapping on the door makes Jack jump out of his thoughts.

“Ziiiiiimms!” he can hear Kent whining a little muffled out on the porch. “I’m freezing out here!”

Jack gets up and jogs to the door. When he swings it open, a gust of biting wind blows into the house followed by a shivering Kent with the help of crutches. He watches as Kent bends down to unlace his boots.

“You’re the one that wanted to come visit me in winter,” he reminds him, reaching out to hold his shoulder when he sees Kent swaying a little with his weight on his bad knee. “Here, let me,” he says in a huff.

He bends down himself to untie the boot himself. Kent looks away from Jack’s ministrations and bites at his lip. If it weren’t for the cold outside, Jack thinks the pink on his cheeks is from the embarrassment of needing help.

“Thanks,” Kent whispers when Jack sets his boot beside the other near the other shoes littering the entrance way. “We, uh, we alone?”

Jack stands up, taking his time to let a smile spread across his lips when he’s looking down at Kent’s hazel eyes. He nods, knowing what’s coming. He throws his arms out to steady them both when Kent jumps forward, grabbing Jack’s face and bringing him down into a kiss.

Immediately, Jack is pulled back into the thousands of kisses they’ve shared over the years. Kent’s hands are cold, but sure holding his face like it’s something precious. They’re chests press firmly together. Jack bends down a little to make the reach easier on Kent with his one good leg. Jack’s chapped lips catch a little against Kent’s, but neither of them pay it any mind.

Kent pulls back enough to smile wide at Jack. He’s familiar with this look--so open and warm. Jack knows he looks the same--looks like he’s brimming with love. He leans in to press a peck to the corner of his smile.

“Thank you for coming,” Jack whispers to him and slips his hands firmly around his boyfriend’s middle--holding him close as he buries his face into his neck to breathe him in.

“Hey,” Kent says, patting Jack’s back. “Don’t mention it. This is a completely selfish trip.”

They laugh for a moment as they appreciate each other’s presence. Jack can’t remember the last winter he felt this warm. Jack’s foot nudges Kent’s bag, making a point and distracting him from the flood of butterflies in his stomach.

“Want me to get this upstairs? I can’t have you eating it trying to juggle things while climbing the stairs with that,” Jack explains, nodding to his crutches.

Kent rolls his eyes. “I got up that hell of a sidewalk all on my own, big guy, with ice! I think I can handle a few steps.”

Jack puts his hands up in defeat. “Alright. Guess you don’t need me to carry you up either, then.” His boyfriend’s eyes go wide for a second and he opens his mouth to protest. “No, no. It’s all good. You can handle yourself.”

“That was before I knew you carrying me was an option. You know how much I...enjoy you lifting me.”

“Or is it why I’m usually lifting you that you enjoy?” Jack asks, walking off into the living room.

Kent hobbles after him, scoffing. "Well, nobody told me that was on the table!"

He collides into Jack with groping, hopeful hands. Jack keeps their balance, again, and wonders if he'll end up getting injured himself before Kenny heads back to Las Vegas. He still wasn't sure how long Kent will be staying.

Like he'd suggested, Jack quickly bends his knees and gets his hands under Kent's ass. He lifts him up to wrap his legs around him, giving him ample time to steady himself without hurting his knee and starts walking up the stairs, duffle bag forgotten by the front door.

“Jackie-boy! You aren’t going to buh-lieeeeve what that white supremacist asshat said in class today,” Shitty yells once he’s inside the Haus, knocking the snow off his boots.

He looks up when he doesn’t get his usual hello. A few feet down the hall is a duffle bag next to a pair of crutches. He toes off his boots without bothering to unlace them and hops in stocking feet away from the entryway in an attempt to avoid wet socks.

Shitty peeks into the living room. Jack’s school stuff is on the coffee table with the TV off. He looks back to the duffle bag and crutches. On top of the bag, an Aces hat is resting upside down. One of Shitty’s eyebrows shoots up as a large smirk pulls up the corner of his mouth.

Before Shitty heads upstairs to put away all his class shit, he picks up the duffle bag and tucks it beside the stairs, out of the way, and picks up the crutches. Since nobody’s down here, whoever needs them is probably going to need them getting down here. Though he’s pretty sure he knows who must be up there with Jack, he doesn’t let himself fully think it. Jack’ll tell him, or he’ll find out eventually. No need to ponder it. He thinks about knocking on Jack’s closed door, but instead quietly leans the crutches beside it and tiptoes down to his door.

Jack wants to thank his therapist for suggesting he focus his schedule around morning classes. He knows it was meant to help him get up and out of the house first thing so he won't have time to dwell and build up his anxiety, still being partially asleep, but if one of the perks is the entire afternoon in bed with his boyfriend maybe he should send her some flowers...

"You sure you don't wanna do online school and come live with me?" Kent asks through his heavy breathing and blissed-out expression, laying naked and half on top of Jack. "I could get used to this."

Jack rolls his eyes and catches his own breath for a second. "You sure you don't want to get traded to the Falconers or something?" Jack asks with a smile, thinking back to all the times they've joked about this. "I could definitely get used to you being here."

Kent smacks what he can reach of Jack's ass and slides off of him onto the other side of the bed. He curses having forgotten to watch out for his leg and readjusts to stretch it out.

"Did you lie to me about the PT guy saying this was okay?"

"No! I would never lie about sex, Zimms."

"I meant coming here in the first place...Wait, did you really ask about sex?"

Kent laughs and nods. "Hell yeah, I did! Gotta ask the important questions: sex, showering, and driving. All of which are completely good-to-go."

Jack pulls Kent to him, letting him rest his head against his chest and places a quick kiss to the top of his messy, blond hair. "Does that mean you're ready to go again?"

Kent kisses Jack’s chest with a smile and licks his nipple in a fast, completely unsexy way. Jack finches away with an unexpected giggle, shielding his other nipple from Kent with his hand. From the glimmer in Kent’s eyes, he knows he’s a goner. Jack has never won a tickle fight in his life.

As the guys trickle on back home from a day of boring classes while they were wishing they were out playing in the snow or even just at home sleeping, the sky gets darker and the snow’s falling faster. When Holster stumbles in past the wind, the snow building in front of the porch is halfway up his shins.

Jack and Kent are warm up in bed with Jack’s laptop perched on his knees playing a cat video Kent insisted they had to watch before Jack could play another YouTube video in some series called Facts You Wish You Didn’t Know About Our Past Leaders.

Kent tells him again with deadly sincerity, “you can only go so far down to YouTube rabbithole before you come up for air and a good ole cat video and restart the cycle or you’ll end up watching some of the weirdest ever made by man at three am questioning reality.”

Jack’s giggles shake his stomach and computer so much the screen tips back so neither of them can see the video anymore, only causing his laughing to increase.

“You goober,” Kent chuckles and moves the laptop to the nightstand after pausing the video. “I think that’s enough of YouTube before we go insane.”

“Goober? Really?”

Kent tries to push Jack off the bed, but Jack grabs onto his arm. They shuffle back and forth for leverage until Kent tips backwards, head towards the floor, with Jack sliding over top of him. They’ve half laughing, half screaming when someone knocks on the door.

“You dyin’ in there?” Shitty yells through the bathroom door.

Jack tries to right himself, but Kenny slides out from under him to the side, causing Jack to slip onto the floor.

“Ow! Told you I’d end up injured! Nah, Shitty. Nobody’s dying!” Jack yells back to him.

He’s about to tell him to come in and say hi to Kent when he remembers their clothes are still next to his door instead of covering them up. He glances up to where Kent is sitting stark naked without a single iota of modesty, legs fully splayed, and stifling his laughter behind his hand.

Along his neck are a few red marks popping against his lightly tanned skin. A few streak trail down Kent’s chest where Jack’s fingernails traversed his body down to his hips earlier to get better leverage. In the back of his mind, he’s glad Kent won’t be stripping down in a locker room full of chirps and interns taking photos for social media.

“Alrighty, brah. What do you want for noms? Dining hall closed early ‘cause of the storm. I’m thinking pizza,” Shitty yells to him.

Kent looks at him expectantly. When Jack doesn’t answer straight away, he nods at him and motions to the door. Jack relents and tells Shitty they’ll be down soon.

“I thought you might want to avoid everybody for as long as you could…,” he mumbles while picking up his pants.

“Why would I do that? Hey, look at me…” Kent says, voice laced with concern. He waits until Jack turns back to him before he goes on, “I love you and am part of your life. I’m not going anywhere or trying to hide from your friends. I know you have good taste, so I’m sure we’ll get along.”

Jack looks away with a nod. The voice of his anxiety isn’t reality. Sometimes, it’s just so hard to separate the two. The nagging feeling that Kent’s just saying things to make him feel better sits in the back of his mind, but he choose to trust what he’s saying. Kent came all this way. He wouldn’t have done that just to hook up.

“Yeah, I know you’ll like ‘em.”

Hey just wanted to ask. What are some of your tips on staying motivated? My exams r just around the corner and I can find 0 motivation to study.

Hey! I have exams around the corner too (sad high five), because of my anxiety I am usually quite motivated to study but I have major troubles focussing, here are some things I do to help:

Plan your day the night before:

This usually means (for me) filling in my bujo with a number of tasks that I need to complete with a side bar full of events that I must attend that day (appointments, lectures etc.)

On busy days, I use a daily plan template with schedule and trackers, I made two: one for unmotivated days and one for days I have low energy (i can share them if you like) but there are also loads of other templates you can find on Tumblr or you could even buy a planner, whatever is good for you (the aim is to keep it simple so if you’re feeling overwhelmed just write a list of tasks

I find that planning my day in the morning gives me an excuse to procrastinate until I’ve planned my day if that makes sense, whereas if I plan my day the night before I have no choice but to get stuck into all the tasks I have planned

Change your scene:

Sometimes I have to change my study location to maximize my focus and efficiency. I know this isn’t the same as motivation but some days studying in the library with loads of other students is motivating and other days it is just an excuse to chat with friends

This could mean studying in your bedroom, the library, a random empty room in your uni, the kitchen or even outside.

If I start procrastinating in one area I find changing my scene helps bring me back to work-mode

Change your mindset about revision:

This is definitely the hardest one (especially if it’s a subject you dislike), but arguably the best for motivating yourself. One of my best friends once told me she loves the revision period because it’s the one time she can review all the stuff she’s learnt and begin to understand the stuff she had no clue about at the beginning of the term.

Remind yourself why you enjoy the subject or if you don’t what improving in the subject will help you to achieve. Take pleasure in the learning process and thinking less about the outcome will make revision more interesting. Often what we are studying can seem boring or tedious when you are stressed but really helpful or cool if you can just appreciate all the information as knowledge

Changing this mindset will not only help you with this set of exams but every future set of exams you have, it can even make you more efficient if you begin to enjoy looking over and understanding your materials.

One way of helping you change your mindset is talking about the things you’ve learnt, with people who aren’t necessarily learning it too and presenting it as a cool fact/bit of information. (e.g. I remember in yr 13 (3 yrs ago) one of my friends told me that the reason we get so drowsy after we eat is because of vasodilation of vessels towards the stomach causing a reduced blood flow towards the brain)

Pre-pack your lunch (or meal prep):

This is a weird one but honestly stops me from getting distracted so well that I had to put it in here

If you go to university/school/the library to help focus better, you definitely want to pack a lunch to save money

Even if you’re staying at home packing a lunch (with snacks for breaks) or even just doing meal prep the night before helps you eat healthier and stops you from faffing around for 2+ hours at lunchtime

You can use the snacks you have as an incentive to get a certain amount of work done (i.e. once I finish this book chapter then I can have my donut)

Get up early:

Even if you like studying later in the day, by getting up early (between 6 and 8:30) you’ll be adjusting your sleep cycle so that if you have any morning exams you’ll be fresh and ready for them (no risk of oversleeping)

Even if you waste 2 hours in the morning you still have most of the day left to work, I usually waste a lot of time getting up and ready in the morning so this saves me a lot of time

You don’t get stuck in a cycle of getting up late and going to bed later. When I don't force myself to get up early every day I tend to get in a cycle where I go to bed at increasingly later times and using that as an excuse to wake up even later (which means I end up working late to ensure I get everything done and the cycle continues).

It gives you time to do all the things you want to do in the day (non-study related), even if you end up studying at 4 o'clock getting up early gives you the time to get all the other stuff done. For me, I always work out in the morning before breakfast, then I might do some chores and then shower, by the time I start working I have still left myself  6-7 hours of studying which can then be broken up to contain reasonable breaks

I lowkey just realized how fucked my schedule is.

It goes a little something like this:

Wake up at 6:10 (5:50 on Tuesdays and Thursdays)

Skip breakfast so I can work on chores (except for on Tuesdays and Thursdays)

Do my chores from 6:10-6:45 (chores include making my bed, cleaning my room, and then cleaning the room I'm assigned. Also on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have to help with kitchen clean up)

6:45-6:50 listen to devotions. (I go to a Christian private school)

6:50 I leave the house to walk to school. Its about a two mile walk and takes me about 30 minutes.

I get to school around 7:20 and I (and a bunch of other people) have to wait for the doors to open at 7:30

Proceed to have school 7:35-2:50

After school I have to do something from 3-4:00 or else I'll get in trouble. (On Monday's I have play practices from 3-5:00, on Tuesdays I have art media from 3-5:00, on Wednesdays I have play practices 3-4:00 and guitar from 6-7:00, on Thursdays I go to the library 3-4:00, and on Fridays I have play practices from 3-5:00)

After that activity is done I walk home and then turn my phone in because my house parents (the people in charge of the student home) don't like us to have our electronics. I usually get home around 4:25 or 5:25 depending on the day.

We eat dinner at 5:30-6:00

Then we do kitchen clean up 6:00-6:30

Then we have study hour from 6:30-8:00 (which isn't an hour, yet its called that. I know, it makes no sense.)

From 8:00-9:15 is the time where we get our showers and are finally allowed to have our phones again. (but most of the time we have so much homework that we don't even grab our phones to get free time.)

9:15-9:30 is our time prepare for bed by brushing our teeth and shit.

And then the house parents force us to go to bed at 9:30. 9:30, who goes to bed at 9:30????

And then the cycle repeats every day.

That's just for the week days, the weekend is just a mess...