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forthegothicheroine · 2 years

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January 2022 Reading Report

Read:

The Excalibur Curse by Kiersten White (DNF)

Fuzz: When Nature Breaks the Law by Mary Roach

Beasts of Burden: Animal Rites by Evan Dorkin

The Death of Jane Lawrence by Caitlin Starling

Jeeves in the Morning by P. G. Wodehouse

Maus and Maus II by Art Spiegelman

Terrible Things: An Allegory for the Holocaust by Eve Bunting illustrated by Stephen Gammell

Popular Crime: Reflections on the Celebration of Violence by Bill James

Still reading:

Nobody’s Perfect: Writings from the New Yorker by Anthony Lane

The Many Faces of Van Helsing, anthology

Varney the Vampire or the Feast of Blood* by James Malcolm Rymer (*I will still be trying to finish this book on my deathbed)

Why not try this again for the new year? I read a lot of books, often at once, usually a mix of my owned tbr list and the online Boston Public Library ebook collection.

The Excalibur Curse, the third book in Kiersten White’s Camelot Rising Trilogy, was a real disappointment, but I probably should have seen it coming. The first book had delighted me with its unique portrayal of Camelot as a city built into a mountain, its troubled elfin Guinevere, and its burgeoning love square with steadfast Arthur, untrustworthy Mordred and loyal but secretive Lancelot. The second book started letting me down, as Arthur got very little development and Mordred became a much more conventional woobie bad boy (Lancelot was pretty great, though.) This continued into the third and final installment, and it just didn’t seem worth it to finish when most of what I’d originally liked was gone. I’m a big fan of some of White’s other work, so maybe I’m just too particular about Arthuriana.

Mary Roach has written a bunch of interesting-sounding pop science books, and as soon as I heard the title and premise of Fuzz I knew I had to read it. Between this and last year’s favorite A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear, it turns out I love animal crime! Though not all criminals here are animals- plants also find ways to disrupt human life, it seems. My favorite chapters were the one about Fish and Game forensics guys who determine whether killings were committed by humans or animals (we need a procedural show about this!) and the one about elephants who rampage through farms while totally protected by the law. The line “Why would you kill a god?” has stuck with me ever since I read it.

I’m doing the Books in the Freezer Challenge this year, reading various horror books, and one category to check off was Horror Graphic Novel- searching for a good fill for this lead me to Beasts of Burden, a series about suburban neighborhood dogs (and a couple cats) dealing with monsters and the supernatural. The art is gorgeous and there’s some very clever stuff about familiars and werewolves (I really love the werewolf creature design!) I’m told some of the main characters die in the series, but thankfully that didn’t happen in this first book.

I’m always on the lookout for any books that my store website tags “gothic”, so that’s how I found The Death of Jane Lawrence! It’s a pseudo-Victorian story set in a fantasy world (a trend I’ve been noticing- I last saw it in The Beautiful Ones), which allows the author to make up whatever local history is demanded by the plot. This seems reasonable enough. The plot is a bit of Rebecca and a bit of Frankenstein, and I’m honestly not totally sure what happened at the end. It was an entirely serviceable book, so I’m not sure why I wasn’t satisfied by it. Maybe I want my gothics to be more lurid? Maybe the romance was lackluster?

During a sad day I started reading Jeeves in the Morning, on the theory that you can’t be sad while Bertie Wooster complains about his family. I love the Bertie and Jeeves stories (though I’m not crazy about the tv show- I think they overplay it with the mugging.) Bertie is veery charming in how much he knows that he’s an idiot, and this contains one of my favorite sentences in any book. When an acquaintance of his tries to brush him off, Bertie isn’t having it: “Experts have tried to rid themselves of Bertram Wooster and had to admit defeat.” The plot isn’t much, but did you really need it to be?

Due to the current censorship news, I decided to reread the Maus books, which I did over the course of one rather miserable night. I’d read it in my adolescence, at it’s still just as haunting as I remembered. As a Jewish kid who attended a Jewish school for many years, I’ve read a lot of Holocaust stuff, but not a whole lot about generational trauma. Spiegelman’s depiction of his father, and how traits like caution and resourcefulness that helped him in times of crisis curdled afterwards into paranoia and selfishness from the trauma, was much more complicated than the people on TVTropes seem to recognize.

...and then I read Terrible Things, which I’d heard of previously, after seeing it recommended during discussions about Maus. Like Maus, the protagonists are depicted as animals, in this case woodland creatures enacting the “First they came for the Jews...” story. I don’t think the analogy totally works (in that there would have been a lot more animals cheering when the Terrible Things took away the birds and scrambling to steal their belongings, for instance) but it’s very upsetting and very memorable. It would definitely scare the pants off of children. Is this good or bad? I don’t know, I was terrified when they read The Lorax to us in kindergarten that the world was about to end, and I had to grow up knowing Holocaust stories whether I wanted to or not. This almost seems beside the point, but dear god, the artwork! These illustrations are some of the best horror art I’ve ever seen. The shadows which shroud the Terrible Things grasp and claw and shift on their own, and then the glimpse of a face (Himmler, I’m told) takes the trope of humans being bad guys in animal stories and twists it into a humanoid abomination worse than any creepypasta figure. I keep flipping through the ebook over and over just to stare.

Finally, Popular Crime was an incredibly variable book that rocketed up and down all over the place. I have no idea if I like this book. I have a guilty fondness for true crime- not in the usual guilty pleasure sense of “this is kind of cringe but I love it” but in that there are legitimate ethical questions regarding the field- and this book examines that but doesn’t really come up with any well thought out answers. James is a very engaging writer, and seeing crimes that hit headlines across the last century or so is very interesting in terms of what fascinates us by the era. His speculations about the truth behind some of these crimes varies drastically in its plausibility- he’s definitely convinced me of serious doubt about Lizzie Borden’s guilt, but I didn’t quite buy the idea that the intruder who killed JonBenet Ramsey deliberately tried to frame her parents. And while I’m not the kind of leftist who throws around the term “liberal” as an insult (that’s too vague to be useful!) his periodic “all these problems are equally the fault of democrats and republicans!” hot takes felt a bit forced.

As to the books I started in January, will I finish them in February? Almost certainly Nobody’s Perfect (beautifully written and sometimes hilariously caustic reviews and essays) and The Many Faces of Van Helsing (a fun but mixed bag of stories), but I don’t know if I will ever finish Varney the Vampire, which spends so many chapters with nothing happening I’m surprised serial readers had enough interest to keep up. I have to try, though.

#books #holocaust cw

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wotwotleigh-prime · 2 years

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Thanks for the tag, @murphywilling! :D

Rules: Tag nine people you want to know better.

Three ships: Reginald Jeeves/Bertie Wooster, Aziraphale/Crowley, and my ship of maybe 2-3 other people, Esmond Haddock/Bertie Wooster

First ever ship: Oh boy, I think my first ships were historical figures. But the first fannish one I ever wrote anything about was Data/Picard. It started out as sort of a jokey crackship for me, but I eventually got very fond of the idea of them together.

Last song: It Had to Be You. I've been listening to old piano rolls and found such a nice one of that song that I've been thinking about recording a vocal track to go with it: https://youtu.be/09yv29Rg0Vg

I love the idea of piano rolls because they were recorded by real people and preserve their performances in a unique way. There's a strange intimacy about having a musician's performance so physically recreated. Just the idea of being able to put your fingers in the keys and follow along--like playing a duet with a ghost!

Last movie: Gosh, what is the last movie I watched? Maybe Monsters Inc.?

Currently reading: The Psychic Mafia by M. Lamar Keene. I've read it before, but it was time for a re-read. It is an absolutely fascinating exposé of the world of fraudulent mediumship in America in the mid-20th century.

Currently watching: Gradually making my way through Staged season 2 in my spare moments!

Currently consuming: I just finished a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries and a cup of Twinings English Breakfast with cream.

Currently craving: Moooooore teeeeeea. And Good Omens 2.

I never know who to tag with these things, so I'm just gonna leave it open to anyone who wants to respond. <3 I want to know all of you better!

#fandom questions game

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ladykeane · 4 years

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Bertie and Reg dress up for Halloween at Dahlia's!! and the party!!!

To the lovely Nonny who sent this, I profusely apologise if you’re not the massive weeb/animation geek that I am. But this idea stuck, and I couldn’t help myself!

Fair warning, it’s quite silly, most definitely cracky, and completely self indulgent…

There was a lesson given to me by my drama teacher at school, Mrs Irving, that has always stayed with me. The gist of her teaching was that a good actor must have a sort of dual consciousness. I suppose what she meant was that a chap should have the power to transform his mindset into that of the character he plays - and then just as easily slip back into his usual mental space, once the curtain falls. There must co-exist a Bertie-the-Wooster and Bertie-the-Prince-Hal within a single animal. Well, I suppose I have put this lesson to good use in my adult life, as I can attest that Bertie-the-Drone, Bertie-the-obedient-nephew and Bertie-the-seducer-of-certain-Jeeveses manage to be conjured at the drop of a whatsit.

A particularly surprising example of this dual consciousness wheeze occurred just recently, on the night of Aunt Dahlia’s annual Halloween bash. I suppose the lifted veil to the spirit world aided this shift of the Wooster disposish. (Well, the costume probably helped too, not to mention my dear auntie’s insistence that her party guests never drop out of character for the whole of the evening. That can make certain things a tad awkward, such as bathroom ablutions. One must ask: does Superman use the lavatory at all?)

I was given the scoop on the event by my ancestor over the phone, as I sat digesting a fourth-or-fifth slice of Reg’s birthday cake. (This year he had requested a Black Forest, and I have to say that I outdid myself. The leftover kirsch was also a boon.)

‘Super-groups?’ I asked. ‘You mean like the Travelling Wilburys?’‘No, young clot, I mean super-groups like the Avengers, Justice League, and their lycra-clad ilk. The group with the best costumes and most convincing delivery will receive a prize from your Uncle Tom and myself.’‘Ooh! And what is that?’‘For one, a cooking lesson with Anatole. Apparently he owed Reg a favour, and your man generously donated said favour to me.’I glanced an appreciative glance at my beloved, who sat perusing the W.H. Auden anthology I had given him.‘Secondly, a near-pristine Nintendo Gamecube, complete with controllers and a collection of best-selling game cartridges.’‘You mean the one you confiscated from Angela and myself? I still think that was an unfair punishment.’‘I say, it was entirely fair! Do you forget that I got stuck with the bill to clean your old headmaster’s office!? I am told that the stench of baked beans can still be detected throughout the school halls, to this very day! Anyway, I would advise you to get cracking. The competition will be stiff, I hear Angela’s little friends have been working on their costumes since August. Perhaps you and Reg could go as Batman and Robin!’‘Perhaps, auntie.’‘Well, pip-pip then. I’ve got many a fake tombstone and skeleton to haul down from the attic.’

As I hung up, Reg raised his head from his book. ‘I believe Mrs Travers has briefed you on this year’s Halloween festivities?’‘Indeed. She’s never offered a prize for the guests before. They’re real plums, at that. I reckon it would be well worth the splurge to get some first-rate togs.’‘May I ask what this year’s theme is?’‘Super-groups. By which I mean, groups of superheroes. She suggested we go as Batman and Robin! We’re already quite the dynamic duo, anyway. What d’you think?’

As I uttered these words, the Jeevesian brow began sinking south, until the look on his face chilled the lukewarm cup of tea sitting at my elbow.‘I should say not, Bertram.’‘Oh. Well… what about Danger Mouse and Penfold? You could be DM, of course.’‘I regret that I shall be unable to attend this year’s festivities. I have much to do to complete the Earl of Rowcester’s living will.’

Of all the paper-thin excuses! ‘Oh, don’t give me that Reg! What is it? You don’t care to be in the same room as all that brightly-coloured spandex? You fared just fine at last year’s “Stranger Things” soiree, and we were surrounded by a multitude of eighties fashion, at that!’(He made quite the dashing Steve Harrington, actually. Aunt Dahlia cast this Bertram as Dustin, so while I was able to tag after him all night there was an unfortunate dearth of snogging.)‘I am afraid I must insist. I do not care to be dressed in the bright, garish apparel that is requisite of superheroes.’

Given that it was the lowly rotter’s birthday, I held on to the flames that should have escaped from my nostrils. ‘Oh, very well, Reg. Have it your way.’ To ensure that none of my internal invective against him slipped past the Wooster lips, I left the flat for a sullen trudge about Mayfair.

***

That very evening, Bingo Little summoned self and several other Drones to dinner. He was in town with his husband Randy, to look for a property where they could spend their Winters. While the reports given indicated that all was spiffy within their NYC townhouse, Randy wanted to ensure that his paramour did not lose touch with his British roots. And I think I remembered him saying that his next novel was to be set in South Kensington, inspired by the likes of Richard Curtis and Hugh Grant. All rather convenient, no?

‘That Gamecube and cooking lesson with Anatole is as good as ours, lads. I have the perfect idea for our super-group.’ Here Bingo took a long sip of tea, leaving us in a state of eye-boggling suspense.‘Christ and his disciples?’ suggested Stinker.‘The Bloomsbury Group?’ queried Boko.‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?’ asked Gussie.

‘Better,’ Bingo finally replied, a rivulet of tea dribbling down his chin. ‘Do you know “Sailor Moon”?’

‘Sparkly schoolgirl with the pigtails? Yes, I recall watching the English language version with Angela sometimes. Quite a cheesy romp, that.’‘Oh, you ought to read the original manga ,’ said Boko. ‘A perfect blend of costumed superhero action and romantic high fantasy!’

For the next half hour, we were subject to Boko and Bingo giving us a full synopsis of the dratted space opera, complete with character studies, mythological references, and feminist overtones. Now, I have known my fellow Drones to sometimes possess hidden depths, but I was unsure whether this encyclopedic grasp of a Japanese super-girl-group was more of a mild pathology instead.

‘So,’ Bingo announced, ‘I believe I’ve figured out the perfect casting for each of us. I shall be Sailor Venus, of course, the soldier of love. Randy does call me his golden love god, after all.’ (Pause here for requisite retching.) ‘Gussie can be Sailor Mercury, given his general… wateriness. Boko’s love of house plants is perfect for Sailor Jupiter. And due to his spiritual calling, Stinker will be Sailor Mars, the shrine-maiden.’

I was trying to picture each of my chums kitted out in a colour coded schoolgirl costume. Perhaps we would score points for comedic effect, if nothing else.‘And what about me?’ I asked.‘Well, you’ll be our Sailor Moon, naturally.’‘Golly! I must say, Bingo, I’m quite chuffed to be given the starring role. I assume that it’s due to my former experience with drag, not to mention my theatrical prowess and general heroic gravitas.’‘Well… I suppose. It’s also because Sailor Moon is supposed to be a ditzy blonde crybaby.’‘Ah.’The judicious nods that the others gave were a tad insulting.

‘Does this mean that I’ll have to wax? ’ asked Gussie.

***

Now, if you’ve ever seen the much-celebrated cartoon, you’ll know that one of the highlights of every episode is the spangly transformation sequences, where each heroine morphs from humdrum schoolgirl into celestial warrioress. Our first go at donning the famous fuku was much less glamorous.

Boko knew a chap who knew a lass who worked at a highly-regarded fancy dress company. Apparently, many a masquerade-goer and cosplayer has raved about their beautifully crafted goods. As we trundled our way out their HQ on the tube, we were all in high hopes of scoring the perfect outfits. As it happens, the fitting session that followed made me appreciate just how inadequate the standard sizing of womens’ apparel really is.

Bingo and I had the best luck, but the costumes closest to fitting us were narrow in the shoulders and wide in the hips. Gussie managed to squeeze into one of the larger sizes, but resembled more of a wrinkly chicken sausage than a cute superheroine. (The skirt was appallingly short on him, and when he bent over to grab his phone from his bag I was quite traumatised.) Stinker, who is built akin to a silverback gorilla, utterly utterly destroyed the costume he attempted to yank on. I offered to foot the bill for that one, as a vicar’s salary can only cover so many breakages per month.

‘It’s no good, boys,’ sighed the seamstress who had patiently assisted us, ‘you’ll need to get these custom-made.’‘And how long will that take?’ asked Bingo.She put on a brave face. ‘I’ll do my best to get them ready for Halloween, but bear in mind I’ve already got a backlog of orders to finish.’‘Chin up!’ I replied. ‘I can probably ask a favour of the drag queen who did my costuming for “Legally Blonde” - Reg cut her a sweet deal with a new agent at the time. I’ll ask if she can source the shoes and wigs and things.’

A level of relief washed on to the girl’s face at this. I’d feel the same, if I were freed from the task of cobbling a pair of Stinker Pinker-sized red pumps.‘Even so, we’ll be cutting it close with this order. I doubt I’ll be done before the morning of the 31st.’‘Send me the bill for your energy drinks,’ I offered.‘It’s a deal.’

***

Time ticked on, and All Hallows Eve drew near. While I did my best not to harbour any full-on wrath against Reg at his blowing-off of the party, I couldn’t help but act a tad pipped towards him. Were lurid leotards and shiny accessories really so horrid?When he snuggled close to me on the sofa, I scooched away. When he dropped a kiss upon my map, my only response was tight-lipped disinterest. The blighter refused to compromise, so wherefore should this Wooster succumb to his entreaties? I took a lot of cold showers that week.

The big day came, and still nary a costume was yet received.‘5pm, she said,’ Boko told me, ‘and we’ll have to go and pick them up ourselves.’‘Hm, that is cutting it close. Well, bear up, old fruits! Leather Smalls will be along this arvo to do our make-up and hair.’‘Leather Smalls?’‘Didn’t I tell you? She’s part of an all-drag M People tribute act.’

If I can impart to you the experience of tubing it across suburban London in a long blonde, pigtailed wig, a full face of makeup, and masculine civvies, accompanied by four other similarly styled blokes, you probably wouldn’t doubt my claim that it was one of the more surreal experiences in my life. Halloween is not quite the big deal here that it is across the pond, so we got quite the share of wolf whistles, disapproving auntly glares, and ‘yaaaas, queen’s from our fellow travellers.

At last, at last, we arrived at Brinkley Court, freshly finished costumes in hand. The coloured lights, costumed crowd, and strains of ‘Monster Mash’ from within indicated a party already in full swing.As we entered the front door, I grabbed for the first bowl of sweets I could find, given my lowered blood sugar.‘That’s it!? Gawd, Bertie, you could have at least made an effort!’

Angela had grabbed one of the sweets from my hand and popped it in her mouth. I wasn’t quite sure who she was supposed to be, but her costume was really quite the thing.She was caked head-to-toe in light purple body paint, with a long wig in a paler shade of the same colour. A brilliant gem was affixed to her chest, and she wielded a long double-headed whip. I did not feel inclined to backtalk her.‘So who’ve you come as?’‘One of the Crystal Gems, obvs. Anyway, you need to go easy on those. Mum says that some neighbourhood bullies have been stealing sweets from the trick-or-treating kids, and she’s promised to recompense them.’‘What!?’My blood was now boiling - what lowly cad felt the need to scam helpless rugrats out of their jelly babies and smarties?

‘Oh, it’s awful,’ said Aunt Dahlia, swiping the remaining sweets from my hand and depositing them back in their bag. ‘I just saw Captain America crying his poor little eyes out, being comforted by Bucky Barnes. A whole evening’s worth of trick-or-treating swag, stolen from them by three nasty teenagers!’‘She means Thos and Edwin,’ Angela translated.‘What teenagers?’ asked Stinker.‘Some of the nastier upperclassmen from Eton, apparently. Captain America tells me that they have a reputation for bullying even the house masters and head teachers. Great brutes.’‘Rum,’ I said. ‘But, Aunt Dahlia-’‘Who?’I took in my auntie’s costume.‘But, Catwoman, hasn’t anyone tried to pull them up for it?’‘They’ve been too wily. I was told that they also egged the Emsworths’ place, running off onto Ham Common before anyone could catch them.’‘Travesty!’ cried Boko. ‘They can’t get away with this!’‘Too right!’ I said.‘Well? You lot are supposed to be the Sailor Senshi, aren’t you? You fight for love and justice, yes?’‘Er…?’‘You must transform, and thwart the damned villains!’

The Drones and I shared a look askance. ‘Um.’‘May I remind you, Sailor Moon, of the video games and French cuisine that are up for grabs for the group who best embodies their chosen superheroes?’‘Right ho. Moon Prism Power Make Up, then!’

***

We stampeded upstairs, bottlenecking on the landing, and Stinker stumbled noisily upon the top step. Into my old bedroom, and our everyday trappings were cast off in favour of our splendid, sparkly sailor ensembles.It was a bit of a muddle - the others needed help donning their padded brassieres, not to mention adjusting their skirts to preserve modesty. But after a few fumbling minutes, we were ready to go, as resplendent a team of magical girls as Brinkley Court had ever seen.

I allowed myself an indulgent linger before the full-length mirror. I really did look cute. The big pink bow was quite flattering to my proportions, and the blue skirt and collar set off my eyes nicely.‘Come on, Sailor Moon! We’ve got a contest to win!’With a flick of my pigtails, I was off.

Bursting out of Brinkley’s front door again, we charged into the gloaming. The place looks directly out over Ham Common, and on the great stretch of lawn, it did not take us long to spot the perps.

A juvenile, quivering Wallace and Gromit were surrounded by three of the largest, most grotesque teenage boys that I’d ever beheld. Though a good decade younger than myself, they looked to be twice my height and about four times my body weight. Most ghastly of all were their choices of costume: the ringleader was dressed as Pennywise the Clown, with his two lieutenants cast as Thanos and a zombie version of Napoleon Dynamite. I admit that the hint of rotten green brain showing through his blonde afro was an impressive use of make-up, but it did turn my stomach a tad.

Just before they could rip the trick-or-treat bags from the youngsters, I put a solid, heeled boot forward.‘Leave those beloved icons of childrens’ entertainment alone!’‘Hurrr,’ slurred Thanos, ‘check out the anime drag queens.’‘Wanna come party with us, girls?’ said Pennywise. ‘We got heaps of sweeties for the sweeties!’I puffed out my padded chest. ‘Never! I stand for love and justice! And… by the Code of the Woosters, I shall punish you!’

And so it began. We swooped upon them. Wallace and Gromit scarpered, and we were met with a barrage of large humbugs. When thrown with enough velocity, those things can leave a bruise.

Behind me, Gussie boldly came up bearing a large garden hose. He turned the nozzle on the head, but instead of dousing the monsters, the force of the spray was a bit too much for him, and he clung on for dear life as the hose thrashed about in his arms. He quickly went down in a self-inflicted mud puddle.

Stinker managed to plant a shiner of a right hook on Thanos. The brute staggered away, doubled over in pain. He threw off his plastic infinity gauntlet, upon which Stinker tripped magnificently, going pumps over skirt into the turf as well.

Boko fearlessly leapt upon Napoleon’s back, wrapping his noodly arms about an equally noodly neck. Napoleon bucked about like a bronco with a bad itch. Boko did his best to hang on, but the slippery satin gloves ultimately betrayed him, and the poor soul was flung off into a nearby rose bush.

The three monsters continued running from us. It was just me and Bingo now. We exchanged a silent glance of Sailor Senshi solidarity, as we pursued them towards a clump of oak trees.With a well aimed stomp, Bingo got Pennywise right in the oversized foot, with the heel of his pump. However, before I could back him up, the two lieutenants grabbed my chum and snatched his wig by its red ribbon, hurling it up into the branches of one of the trees.‘NOT MY VENUS WIG!’Abandoning the skirmish, Bingo pathetically began clambering up the branches to try and retrieve the thing. (I mean, it was a nice wig. And if it came back damaged, I would be owing Leather Smalls big time.)

And so, the beasts turned their attention to me. Three cruel grins bore down upon me like vultures on a dying wildebeeste. They looked like they could easily pummel me into a boneless mush, and not even feel it the next day. I’m not too proud to admit that I quivered in my heeled boots.‘What was that about punishing us, sweetie?’‘Let’s hang her from the branches by those stupid pigtails!’‘Yeah! And then we’ll-’

All of a sudden, something sleek and sharp came whistling through the night air. It popped Pennywise’s balloon, and struck Thanos right between the cheeks of his ample bum.‘Ow!’‘What the…’It was a fine, thin blade, attached to a deep red rose.

The four of us whipped our heads towards the source of the floral projectile. Imagine my total astonishment to perceive, perched upon a high stone wall before the radiant moon, none other than Tuxedo Mask. Gosh, he was splendid, with his billowing black cape and aura of general rakishness.‘How dare you blackguards steal from innocent children and assault these brave soldiers. Sailor Moon, I know you can defeat them.’‘But how, dash it!?’

He tossed me a bright pink plastic object. It took me a moment to discern that it was an external hard drive. It bore a little decal of one of those colourful cartoon pony characters.I looked back at the monsters, to find Pennywise agog.‘Wh… WHERE DID YOU GET THAT!?’‘Uhm…’‘Dude… is that what I think it is?’ said Napoleon.‘GIVE IT BACK!’ cried Pennywise.

Tuxedo Mask and I shared a single silent, meaningful glance, and I dropped the thing to the grass, raising my heeled boot above it, primed to smash.‘Well… I might, if you agree to apologise to every last child you terrorised, AND return their sweeties.’‘But we already ate some,’ said Thanos.‘Alright… maybe just give them a few quid, in that case. AND you’ll be cleaning the egg off Mrs Emsworth’s front stoop.’‘Anything, ANYTHING!’ begged Pennywise. ‘Please just give me back my-’‘NIGEL!!!’

A robust, sour-faced Jean Grey was stomping across the grass, her fiery gaze fixed on Pennywise.‘You have a lot of explaining to do, young man!’‘But Mum-’‘I should confiscate your little pony stories this instant!’‘No! Please…’‘Instead, you will do exactly as Sailor Moon says, and apologise to all the people whose Halloween you have ruined! You too, Cyril, Edgar! Don’t think I won’t be telling your mothers what you’ve done!’

The clown was dragged off by his ear to begin his penance, but not before he could snatch up his pink hard drive. Now that the leader had fallen, his two henchmen slunk along in his wake.

The Sailor Senshi had regrouped, and Angela, Thos, and Edwin (sorry, Amethyst, Captain America, and Bucky) had also dashed up to join us.‘You know who that was?’ said Angela, ‘Little Nigel Belfry. I went to St George’s with his big sister Diedre. Rotten little punk. One of the worst trolls in the online “My Little Pony” fandom too.’‘He bullies us all the time,’ said Thos.‘Well, dangle the name “Eulalie” in front of him. That’s his username on all the major MLP forums. Not sure he’d like that info getting out at Eton.’ Here she thumped me on the back. ‘Well done, Sailor Moon, you gave him the punishment that he sorely needed.’‘Oh, but I couldn’t have done it without…’I turned towards the stone wall. Of course, Tuxedo Mask had already biffed off. Probably to go hunt down the Silver Imperium Crystal or something.

***

Now that the drama had wound down, we finally had a chance to mingle. I got to take in the costumes of Angela’s group: Honoria was some sort of giant magenta woman with sunglasses and boxing gloves; Florence looked lovely and delicate in a gossamer tutu, and gleefully swung about a rather frightening spear; while Madeline was surprisingly dressed in drag - some charming little chap by the name of Steven, I think. The craftwork of their outfits was simply matchless, and they were clearly the ones to beat for the contest.

After Time-Warping and Thriller-ing and Caramelldansen-ing the night away, as well as quaffing some questionable looking cocktails with names like Chemical X and Radioactive Sludge, it was time to announce the winners of the costume competition.Uncle Tom (sorry, the 4th Doctor) killed the music, and tapped a fork against his glass of Chemical X to call for silence.Dahlia-or-Catwoman hopped up on the coffee table, to better survey the throng. ‘The door prize goes to Winnie the Pooh, who clearly misunderstood the assignment.’Spode-the-Pooh shuffled up to grab his bag of humbugs, and Madeline-or-Steven applauded wildly.

‘The runners-up are Wario and Waluigi, who regrettably stayed true to their despicable characters all evening!’Claude and Eustace collected their swag of Quality Street and Jack Daniels, fighting over who would get to carry them.

Angela and I exchanged a tense side eye. Could one of us really have been left out?

‘And the first prize… is a joint win, between the Crystal Gems and the Sailor Senshi! Come on down, ladies!’Well, everyone pooh-poohs nepotism until they benefit from it. Angela and I joined hands, and led our respective groups to their shared moment of glory. (And after a little bartering, we agreed to let the girls take the cooking lesson, while we scored the Gamecube. I know that Angela has long been an avid fan of Anatole’s show ‘Cuisine Inferno’.)

***

After a little more merrymaking, the music changed from novelty festive monster songs to the cheesy fodder of slow dancing. As couples began to pair off and pitch woo, a thought occurred to me: where the devil had Tuxedo Mask gone?

At the very least, I wished to thank the fellow. It was anyone’s guess as to how he had picked up on Nigel-or-Pennywise’s little secret, but he had truly been my saviour.

I squeezed through the waves of slow dancers, trying to keep my eyes peeled for a top hat or a black cape. Alas, the only capes I could spy were of bright and garish hues.

I escaped to the quiet of Brinkley’s large, rambling back yard, in the hopes of getting a little air. As I ankled along the gravelled drive in my heeled boots, I couldn’t help but let a little melancholy sink in. Despite my search for Tuxedo Mask, I well knew who I really wanted to spend this night with.I reached the fountain, ornamented by Aunt Dahlia’s favoured statue of Artemis, and plonked my sorry self down upon its edge.‘Sailor Moon… we meet again.’

He emerged from behind the shadow of the trees, and I leapt right up.‘Tuxedo Mask! Ah… I really did want to thank you for your help back there. Awful solid of you, old chap.’

He did not come closer. ‘You are most welcome. I had been charged with organising the family affairs of the Earl of Rowcester. I encountered his youngest son, who proved to possess a most malicious and scheming temperament. I felt the temporary acquisition of the lad’s most prized digital information would prove a useful bargaining chip at some juncture.’‘And right you were, Tuxedo Mask! What a bally stroke of genius you…’

He stepped forward, and removed his eyemask.

‘Bertram, I am sorry that I was so intractable about tonight.’‘Oh… Good Lord… Reg, I hoped so dearly that it was you!’

I flew to his arms. And Angela, the sneaky brat, managed to get a good number of happy snaps of Sailor Bertie and Tuxedo Reg locked in a passionate embrace.

‘Reg?’‘Yes, my moonbeam?’‘Keep the cape.’

#jeeves and wooster #bertie's blog #fanfic prompts #seriously tho this is total crack

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tremendousdetectivetheorist · 6 years

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Thanks @thespiritualmultinerd for the tag! ^^

rules: we’re snooping on your playlist. set your entire library on shuffle and report the first 10 songs that pop up, then choose 10 victims.

“That’s What’s the Matter With Me” - Gene Malin

“My Girl’s Pussy” - Harry Roy & His Orchestra (omg these first 2. XD)

"Songbird” - Fleetwood Mac

"Wild Eyes - Mariee Sioux

"Forget Myself” - Imani Coppola

"Sweetest Revenge” - Kim Fox

"Favorite Color” - Joni Mitchell

"It’s Beyond Me” - Vetiver

"Jokerman” - Bob Dylan

"Make A Change” - Buckwheat Zydeco

who are u dating: anyone who uses the words “I’m no spring chicken” automatically gets dated to being born before 1960 in my mind

full name: .... tremendousdetectivetheorist

nickname: I don’t really have one, but ‘tdt’ works as an abbreviation

battery percentage: 100%

do you miss ur last relationship: ...why u ask this ;_;

ex you would take back: Nope!

crush’s name: Celebrity crushes totally count! Umm, and character crushes. My last real-life crush is a woman I haven’t seen in 2 years and I don’t know where she is these days, and also a guy who inadvertently hurt me but lives halfway across the country now. Better to name Hugh Laurie as Bertie Wooster as my crush! He’s fuzzy and safe. :D Oh and Bunny Manders alsdjfkskf

iphone or android: (ah, the 2 genders XD) Android.

last person i texted: Toni thespiritualmultinerd :D

last song i heard: the theme music from “Jeeves and Wooster”

guy best friend: Name is arbitrary, but I think of him more as a neighbor. He’s always willing to listen and help.

girl best friend: She’s a writer & we used to do journaling stuff together. She appreciates my mind and my goofy jokes and lives 150 miles away, darnit.

biggest fear: idk, dying alone in my apartment probably

favorite color: greens

favorite movie: Velvet Goldmine

favorite food: avocados...so creamy..mmm.

favorite anime: Princess Mononoke

favorite animal: Cats...they were my first fandom! When I was a kid I wrote cat RPF. ^_^ Now there’s a tuxedo cat in my neighborhood who follows me around and sometimes demands entry to my place. I call him Jeeves.

height: I’m 5 inches shorter than Jeremy Brett was. That tall man!

birthday: the same as Django Reinhardt and Humphrey Bogart

dream job: Book repair.

what mood i’m in now: It’s Father’s Day in the US and I feel turbulent about it for personal reasons but also because of how the holiday is treated on social media when compared to Mother’s Day, and I feel a lot of not very good things.

Tagging @jeremyholmes @gb-crumbs @the-moon-loves-the-sea @oscartame @holmesoverture @nibblesofflesh @astronbookfilms @absolute-twaddle @alo-leme @srprincess and whoever wants to :)

#tag game #thanks these are fun #the playlist was interesting. like they came in pairs of songs from similar genres #it bugs me that i can't tag some ppl ugh.#about me

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faithfulnews · 4 years

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Misreading the British Elections

By Matthew Sitman

December 24, 2019

In the weeks leading up to the Conservative Party’s triumph in the British elections earlier this month, there were just enough glimmers of hope to let Labour partisans nurture what, deep down, they probably knew were unrealistic dreams of an upset—anecdotes about surging voter registration, talk of armies of canvassers, a bit of movement in the polls. In the end, that only made the final results more stunning. Boris Johnson will lead a commanding majority in Parliament with a mandate, as his campaign slogan went, to “get Brexit done.”

The vote tallies had barely been announced when pundits began churning out dire warnings about what this meant for Democrats in the United States: See what happens when you move too far left? In the Atlantic, Yascha Mounk gravely suggested that if Democrats “position themselves outside of America’s cultural mainstream, they may suffer the same dismal fate as Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour Party.” In New York magazine, Andrew Sullivan admonished them to “ignore the woke.” The New York Times rushed out an article about the “ominous signs” centrist politicians like Joe Biden and Rahm Emanuel saw in Labour’s defeat. Roger Cohen, also in the New York Times, published a column titled “Boris Johnson and the Coming Trump Victory in 2020.” His colleague Bret Stephens seemed to agree, concluding that to oppose Trump with “progressive primal screams is to ensure his re-election.”

Not much of this was serious analysis. It’s true that Donald Trump could win again in November, especially in the absence of an economic downturn. But the direct comparisons between U.S. politics and what happened in Great Britain strain credulity. Most of all, Jeremy Corbyn was a deeply unpopular candidate, quite apart from his politics. His approval rating going into the election was forty points underwater. While some of this surely was due to an onslaught of negative press, including charges of anti-Semitism, it’s also true that Corbyn could seem evasive in his answers about Brexit, allowing his position to be tagged as “dither and delay”—during his final debate with Johnson, he refused to say whether he would campaign for or against the deal he promised he would negotiate with Brussels and put to a second referendum. Bernie Sanders, often compared to Corbyn, is viewed quite differently. As Eric Levitz pointed out, he’s “more than 15 times as popular as his British comrade.”

There’s little evidence that Labour’s leftwing agenda should be blamed for their loss. One exit poll found that only 12 percent of respondents cited the party’s economic policies as the reason they didn’t vote for Labour, while 43 percent said it was because of the party’s leadership. Polling on the Labour platform was summarized this way by the Independent: “The public are absolutely not scared of government intervention and quite like Labour's socialist platform. These policies individually range from quite popular to ridiculously popular.” Proposals to raise taxes on the rich and nationalize railways and water companies, for example, garnered broad support. Whatever else this means, it certainly doesn’t prove that Democrats should tack to the center instead of embracing a wealth tax, Medicare for All, or the Green New Deal.

When Trump runs for re-election, he’ll no longer be a blank screen onto which voters can project their hopes, but a candidate who has to defend a record of astonishing cruelty, incompetence, and pathetic obedience to the demands of corporations and plutocrats.

There is at least one lesson Democrats should take away from the British elections, however: rightwing populism remains a potent political force. Johnson’s clear position on Brexit appealed to the same kinds of voters who swung to Trump in 2016—working-class whites from places hit hard by deindustrialization, eager to find a scapegoat for their plight anywhere but among the Tories who inflicted austerity on the country over much of the past decade. Yet even this comparison breaks down. No issue in U.S. politics, not even immigration or “the Wall,” will do for Republicans what Brexit did for the Tories. As Ell Smith recently noted in the Guardian, “of the 54 seats that the Conservatives gained from Labour, 52 of them were in areas that voted leave in 2016.”

Despite their superficial similarities, Trump is no Boris, and the Tory Party is not the GOP. Both Trump and Boris are oafish and untrustworthy, but one is a dolt while the other is too clever for his own (and his country's) good—half Bertie Wooster, half Machiavelli. Johnson has pledged to protect the very popular NHS (true socialized medicine), and produced plausible plans to build new hospitals and hire more nurses, while Trump, not nearly so capable, has tried to kill the relatively modest provisions of Obamacare. At every turn, Trump has showed that his populist rhetoric, especially on economic matters, was just that—rhetoric. When he runs for re-election, he’ll no longer be a blank screen onto which voters can project their hopes, but a candidate who has to defend a record of astonishing cruelty, incompetence, and pathetic obedience to the demands of corporations and plutocrats.

But most of all, the working class in the United States is rapidly becoming more diverse—in a decade or two, half of it will be people of color. Much of the commentary on the British elections has simply erased this fact, treating the aging white population of a small island as representative of our own electorate. Lacking a controversy as galvanizing as Brexit, and faced with the prospect of the United States becoming a majority-minority country within many of our lifetimes, the GOP increasingly relies on undemocratic institutions such as the Electoral College, the Senate, and the courts, as well as assaults on voting rights and foreign interference in elections, to cling to power. If Trump wins again, it will not look like the wave that delivered Johnson his impressive majority. It’s more likely that he’ll win while receiving millions fewer votes than his Democratic opponent—a prospect that reveals a different task for those who want to see him defeated.

Whatever else it might include, that task is to activate U.S. workers of all races who, unlike in Great Britain, lack even the rudiments of a decent health-care system and social safety net, and to turn out voters whom Republicans are desperately trying to keep away from the polling stations. That will not be easy. But it will happen only if Democrats offer a real alternative to Trump—not simply following his lead while promising to be a touch less racist, or to keep immigrant children in more comfortable cages, or to cozy up to billionaires with less enthusiasm. Of course, this strategy means that the election would hinge on whether or not the tens of millions of well-off, well-educated white voters who voted for Trump—not the semi-mythological “white working class”—choose differently this time. Perhaps that’s the hard reality that our elite pundits, who pose as tribunes of the aggrieved masses, refuse to consider.

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educatedinyellow · 7 years

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Meme

@ancientreader kindly tagged me for this get-to-know-you thing that’s going around :) Fun!

Rules: Answer the questions, tag 20 people.

Name: rachelindeed, or educatedinyellow here on tumblr

Nicknames: None. As Sherlock Holmes can tell you, if you try to shorten my name, you only wind up with ‘German for revenge.’

Zodiac Sign: Well, I don’t remotely care about the zodiac, so instead let me tell you the two fictional characters whose fictional birthdays fall closest to mine. I am happy to report that they are Sherlock Holmes and Severus Snape. We are children of the harsh winter :)

Height: I’m six feet tall.

Orientation: asexual, heteroromantic

Ethnicity: German-Irish

My Favorite Disclaimer: Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball

Favorite Fruit: Apples.

Favorite Season: In this part of the world, spring. It’s a lovely time of year.

Favorite Book Series: Hmmm...The Lord of the Rings, the Jeeves & Wooster novels, Sayers’ Wimsey/Vane novels, and Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes series will have to battle it out.

Favorite Flower: I like whatever flowers are around, but can’t say I have a favorite. I actually don’t have the knowledge to match up a lot of flower names with their actual appearances. It comes from having read floral descriptions in books far more often than hearing flowers identified in real life. What does a gardenia look like? A rhododendron? A begonia? Someday I should look them all up.

Book Recommendation: Elizabeth Marie Pope’s The Sherwood Ring is a childhood favorite. Smart, funny, with a wonderful romance between extremely competent people who happen to be on opposite sides of the American Revolutionary War. Also ghosts, and snark, and drama over the process of historical scholarship. It’s a winner. There are currently 6 fanfics for this book in all of creation, and I hoard them greedily. A new one was written just a few months ago, so exciting! Five Times Barbara Grahame Smiled (And One Time She Didn’t).

Favorite Scent: I have a terrible sense of smell, unfortunately. But I do enjoy the smell of baking cake or bread or cookies.

Favorite Color: Blue-green. Am also fond of deep purples.

Favorite Animal: I’m not a pet owner, but I think horses are beautiful. I was horse-crazy as a kid.

Coffee, Tea, Hot Cocoa: I’ve never liked coffee. Hot cocoa is fine. I like jasmine tea.

Average Sleep Hours: Never enough. I’m a night owl and my child is a morning person. *shakes fist at sky*

Favorite Fictional Characters: So, so many. John Watson, Sherlock Holmes, Elizabeth Bennett, Bertie Wooster, Frodo Baggins, Gandalf, Lee Adama, Lord Vetinari, Illya Kuryakin, Spike, Methos, the Skywalker clan, Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane, Odo and Kira, Mr. Spock, and many more :)

Number of Blankets I Sleep With: One.

Dream Trip: First the UK and Ireland, then on through Europe.

Blog Created: 2016

Number of Followers: 69

If this looks fun, please join in and tag me so I can see your answers!

#meme

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oscarwetnwilde · 7 years

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Now you all know my secret that I don’t like Pokemon.

I was tagged by @oppan-gandalf-style

Rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you want to get to know better.

Nicknames: Tina

Star sign: Virgo

Height: Around 5'4

Time right now: 12:42 am

Last thing you googled: The Alex book series from the early 90's. I was trying to remember the name of the series that I used to read when I was a kid.

Fave Music Artists: Loreena McKennitt, Zero 7, Julie London, Samantha James, Stacey Kent, Secret Garden

Song Stuck in my head: I mentioned Secret Garden so now Nocturne is stuck in my head.

Last movie I watched: The Edge Of Seventeen. (Great movie and I watched it two days in a row)

Last TV show I watched: The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Old school season from the early 2000's.

What I’m wearing right now: Hello Kitty ugly Christmas sweater, grey shirt, blue jeggings. Disney makeup in the Cheshire Cat colors. (I'm doing a Disney makeup color thing every day)

When I created this blog: Late 2010.

The kind of stuff I post: I post Stephen Fry every day and anything related to him. Oscar Wilde too. I reblog Disney stuff because I'm a Disney whore. And other things that I'm interested in. But mostly Stephen.

Do I do asks regularly?: I don't get messages all the time. Maybe if I did ask memes I'd get more. Who knows.

Why did I choose my URL: Oh boy. The real reason: Stephen Fry linked a post I made years ago back when my name was Fluently-Sucked-By-Stephen-Fry. A few people mentioned the name to him. One woman tried to shame me for it and told him he must be embarrassed to link to that name. (Like he'd fucking care.) So I changed it to OscarWetnWilde. I wanted a nice name relating to him that sounds catchy.

Hogwarts house: None, I'm not into Harry Potter.

Pokemon Team: None. I'm not into Pokemon and tbh I thought it was weird when it came out here. (When I was in high school)

Favorite Color: Blue, pink. Purple. Mostly blue, though. And any color related to blue.

Average hours of sleep: 6-8 I'd say.

Lucky number: 6

Favorite Characters: I've got a poster of the Master of Laketown on my wall so I guess I'd have to include him, Legolas, Lord Henry from The Picture of Dorian Gray, Joker, Reaver from the Fable games. Ted Wallace from The Hippopotamus, Edmund Blackadder, Lord Melchett, Bertie Wooster. Bernard Black.

Dream Job: Librarian or artist.

Number of blankets I sleep with: Two.

Followers: 7,622.

I don’t know who to tag tbh.

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ayliffe · 7 years

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i was tagged by @beallatrix to do this alphabet meme, and for once i’m actually getting around to doing the damn thing.

rules: copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, have fun!

a - age: 22 b - biggest fear: remaining unremarkable and mediocre for the rest of my life c - current time: almost 1339 d - drink you last had: water e - every day starts with: waking up and groaning at the time f - favorite song: lmao idk, i have a few but i can’t think of any of them right now g - ghosts, are they real: nah i don’t think so h - hometown: landaaaan i - in love with: ;) bet nobody can guess ;) lmao you’ll all be shocked when i rev- yeah it’s @boykeats j - jealous of: shit, i can’t think of anyone right now. apart from a sort of vague generalised resentment of anyone with more money than me. k - killed someone: according to one anon, yes l - last time you cried: the other day. i’m not gonna say why. too embarrassing m - middle name: bertram sebastian n - number of siblings: one o - one wish: to write for a living p - person you last called/texted: last called the pharmacy; last texted lou q - questions you’re always asked: “why the fuck are we even friends” r - reasons to smile: bertie wooster people aren’t all terrible. some of them are quite nice s - song last sang: i wanna be yours i wanna be wanna beeee~ t - time you woke up: about half 8 u - underwear color: red v - vacation destination: i want to tour eastern europe tbfh w - worst habit: probably smoking lmao x - x-rays you’ve had: i think i had my ribs done once? y - your favorite food: Mozzarella Sticks z - zodiac sign: cancer. just like this question.

#ask games #about

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prinzenhasserin · 7 years

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Rare Pair Letter 2017

Dear Creator!

This letter is just in case you might want to poke at some more of my prompts/likes. Generally, I’m open to a lot, and I will be pleased with any rating from gen to explicit.

I’m not so much a fan of darkfic, exceptions apply for hopeful/happy resolutions.

Feel also free to include other characters or OCs as side-characters, if they are necessary because of plot reasons.

(If this letter cribs a lot from my other letters, it’s because I’m lazy, and my likes don’t change around that much :D You can find some of my other letters under the exchange letter tag. I hope you have fun creating!)

Likes:

fake/pretend relationships

arranged marriages turning into supportive partners

loyalty

odd couples

found family, dysfunctional families that nevertheless love each other

historical stories for same-sex pairings that aren't unhappy but that fit with the society of the time (so like, spinster ladies living together; bachelors-for-life)

cultural differences, age differences, height differences

heists, rescue missions

dragons, fairy tales, magical realism, urban fantasy

competent characters

people not realising they’re the most competent at their job/hobby

people failing their way to success

happy endings, earning your happy ending, open yet hopeful endings

cynical humour

mutual pining

suits, corsetry, fancy dresses

Identity shenanigans (secret identities, mistaken identities)

Blatant Lies

Enemies becoming friends and/or lovers

outsider POV

epistolary

orange/blue morality (that is, not entirely human morality)

people not usually found in law enforcement solving crimes

non-verbal expressions of affection

Kinks:

wall sex

shifting power dynamics

semi-public sex

lots of foreplay, drawn out orgasms, edging

sex toys

sex toys in public (though I get embarrassed if someone else notices)

size kink (not only about their dicks but also hands/body/muscles relative to each other)

DNWs:

mentions of suicide

major character death

rape (dubcon is fine though; I’m mainly DNW’ing feelings of utter revulsion on part of the POV character)

infidelity

The Queen’s Thief

Eugenides the God/Hephestia (fanfic)

This is mainly brought to you by the fact that Eugenides and Attolia set themselves up as mirrors of these two gods. I would really like something exploring the chemistry between those two gods — do they have the same kind of relationship? Does the God of Thieves pine from afar and make her ridiculous gifts? Do they start their relationship before or after Attolia and Eugenides do? Is that relationship the push they need to start a relationship? I imagine something along the lines of Greek myths, but any way you want to take this would be great. Small moments between them? A heist for Hephestia's literal heart? Gifting her the trinkets dedicated to Eugenides, and how she feels about that?

I have a thing about powerful women, so if you want to make this about the power imbalance between them, that would be great! Especially with Eugenides being outside of a clear hierarchy.

DNW: BDSM, noncon, character death

Wynonna Earp

Season 2 is ongoing, and I'd be fine with spoilers, but probably won't be entirely caught up, so if you want to disregard canon after the season 1 finale, or at any time before, feel free to. I really like the canon setting, though, so I'd appreciate if you wouldn't change that.

That said, I'm really sad we probably won't be seeing anything of Dolls, because his repressed character speaks to my soul. He could hide all kinds of secrets! (He could appear during the season finale out of the woodwork to save everybody!)

Xavier Dolls/Doc Holiday They really don't like each other when they first meet, and yet there's some great chemistry between them (especially during that fight scene!) I'd love to see that slowly developing into a real relationship -- or just plain sex buddies, if you rather. There's a small step between angrily yelling at each other, and having sex against a wall. (Or so I imagine :P) Drunk sex? Magic made them do it? Wynonna locks them together in a room?

Xavier Dolls/Wynonna Earp I love how careful Dolls is with Wynonna, though she'd probably shoot him if she ever found out. The reluctance (guilt?) to start something with her, and even so, he clearly falls for her. -Wynonna finds out about a secret Dolls was keeping, and he distracts her with sex -"Hey, it's great you survived, let's bang"

Xavier Dolls/Wynonna Earp/Doc Holiday I kind of think they're all equally attracted to each other, and if there was ever anyone who could make Dolls and the Doc work together, it would be Wynonna -- if only to contain her natural exuberance.

DNW: rape, character death

Crossover Fandom

Cher Horowitz/Elle Woods Do they meet in law school? Or before, or after? I want them to be competent, and brilliant, and dazzle each other with their excellent taste in clothes, while bringing down shady people and starting charities. Would also read PWP.

Miss Marple/Phryne Fisher It would be interesting to read them having a dalliance at any point during their lives, and I know they aren't quite the same age, but then again TV!Phryne is much older than in the books. I'd be interested in them at whatever age, even with a larger age difference! Do they meet at the school in Florence where Miss Marple went to? Do they meet at the cypher regiment during the War? Or maybe they meet much later in life, and live out the rest of their years together solving crimes in St. Mary Mead (or wherever)?

Susan Pevensie/Minerva McGonagall Tbh, I'm mad about Susan Pevensie being written out of the Narnia storyline, and I'm mad about Minerva having some sort of tragic love affair; and I'd much rather have them be beautiful and slightly strange but very proper together. They could have met when they were young, being roughly the same age, or later. Would Susan Pevensie be a muggle? Would she be the first muggle to visit Hogwarts?

Thomas Nightingale/Bertie Wooster They're roughly the same age, right, so I would love them to have some hijinks & shenanigans together. Does Bertie stumble across something suspiciously magic, and needs saving? Are they distantly related and Bertie needs some saving from an Aunt, and so he invites himself to the Folly? A short romp around the sheets would also satisfy me :D

DNW: rape, non-canonical character death

The Goblin Emperor

Csethiro Ceredin/Vedero Drazhin

Dashing sword-maiden and a soft-spoken astronomical researcher? Hell, yeah. I'd love to read how they would have arranged meetings when Varenechibel was still alive - did the Women Society cover for them? Or does it only start after Ceredin is engaged to Maya? Does Maya have a hand in getting them together? I'd like him to at least know about the relationship.

DNW: noncon, non-canonical character death

The Three Musketeers

d’Artagnan/Athos

This was my ship before I knew what a ship was. I like their dynamic, and I'd really think they'd be great together. D'Artagnan offers to relieve some tension and Athos takes him by his word? During a military campaign Athos and d'Artagnan share a tent, and they have tomorrow-I-might-die-sex? I'd also love something canon-divergent after the death of Milady, and a different happier ending for Athos. I can see Athos as very dominant, but I have trouble accepting d'Artagnan as subservient, and I'm pretty sure he would have no trouble of persuading Athos of his ways. If you want to play up the catholic guilt, I'm game but I'm very much against feelings of disgust about homosexuality.

DNW: dark ending, character death, rape, canon-typical homophobia

Rivers of London

Peter Grant/Molly Peter is so puzzled by Molly (and also frightened), and he seems like the kind of guy who wanted a partner who could wipe the floor with him, and Molly would do that literally. They could have sex for a magic ritual, warding the Folly perhaps?

Peter Grant/Lady Ty Lady Ty puts Peter under a thrall and has her way with him to break off Peter/Beverly. Only the thralls not working right and Peter is very attracted to her anyway? I dunno. I think Peter just magically attracts powerful women who want to get him into their beds, and he doesn't really mind.

Thomas Nightingale/Varvara Sidorovna Tamonina I'd love more of Varvara -- does she break out of prison, and Thomas catches up to her somewhere more private than an interrogation room, and then their sexual tension leads to something concrete? Or does Thomas need some help on a case, or the wards of the Folly, or dismantling some traps, and the only way to convince Varvara is to have sex with her? (Does he feel guilty about imprisoning her?)

Thomas Nightingale/Father Thames "Negotiating" a new treaty with the Folly? Creating a new river/something else? Magic sex ritual?

Gokusen

Sawada Shin/Yamaguchi Kumiko

How does Shin convince Yankumi to have sex with him? Is he getting kidnapped left and right before they actually get together because all and sundry already think they've been doing each other for years? If they are already in an established relationship, how does Shin deal with Yankumi's students (especially when one of them develops a crush)?

DNW: AU, character death, rape

#rare pair fest #exchange letter

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