#thats happened like at least 10 times
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I have class soon it's nearly over.. how the hell do people make friends this sucks
NO LITERALLY tbh for me i eavesdrop on everyone until i find people interesting enough to befriend and then i make shitty small talk
#☆ apollo answers#hi cookie#either that or people are attracted to me becausr im kind og a freak#thats happened like at least 10 times#onr time someone thought i was cool and tried to talk to me for likr three weeks before i realized they wanted to be friends#LIKE I REMEMBER THEY SAIF THEY COMPLIMENT3D MY HAIR AND BACK0ACK#and apparently all i said was Thanks. or Mm.#and then they brought up a topic i was actually interested in and we became friends
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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i hate the commercialisation of the avengers inside the mcu both bc i find it cringy and meta but also bc it narratively doesn’t make sense.
we spent ten years establishing that the avengers are a contentious presence, civil war was literally about people not trusting them bc of what/who they are and now it’s almost completely erased and everyone loves them now? and don’t even get me started on rogers the musical
the way clint reacts makes it seem like the writers are trying to say it’s in poor taste but it’s less bc it trivialises a literal alien invasion but bc clint misses natasha and it hurts him to see an interpretation of her. not bc people are singing and dancing about an event that got hundreds if not thousands of people killed. the closest american equivalent i can think of is 9/11. people can’t even joke about it without being torn apart and it happened over 20 years ago. the battle of new york happened 10 years ago in the current mcu, the snap happened maybe a year ago, you’re telling me everyone’s chill with a musical about one of the worst days of their lives?
“i can do this all day” being their tagline encapsulates everything i dislike about it. the only people steve said that to were nazis that were immediately killed, tony who would never talk about what happened in siberia and the 2012 version of steve says it to him. no one else would know that phrase and acting like it’s something he crowed from the rooftops is at best a plot hole and at worse, an indictment of how little care the writers are having for the new era of the mcu
#other than the odd thanos was right graffiti the public loves the avengers now#and that spits in the face of over 10 years of established development and world building#even scott writing a book and becoming a celebrity doesnt make sense with his character considering all he wanted was to be a good father#now he wants to be famous and get attention?#to the point of disregarding his daughter? the entire point of his character?#and tony and hulk and presumably the rest of them getting ice cream named after them after civil war? everyone hated you three minutes ago#i already hated professor hulk for killing the hulk then acting like they didnt but him signing things and dabbing during the blip?#why was he being treated like a celebrity?#he and the avengers failed and half the universe died as a result why would people like him after that?#the avengers bringing everyone back shouldve created an ‘it was the least you could do considering you failed the first time’ energy#it should be grudging gratitude not this worship thats happening#which makes the flag smashers even weaker when theyre the only ones not sucking up the avengers ass#of course they hate the new world order theyre villains not getting what they want duh#instead of it being a valid expression#everyone in the world is way too happy and chill with everything when Half Of Everything Was Dead a year ago#it just doesnt follow the careful realistic world building set up over the entire mcu#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#marvelous#talk meta to me#marvel#the avengers#the snap#meta#captain america#rogers the musical#endgame#mcu#phase 4#phase four
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college starts again in two days this is the evilest thing that has ever happened to me
#MG FIRST CS PROJECT IS DUE ON SEP 10 THATS SO SOON. WHAT THE HELL#biggest wince of my life. at least my other eecs class this semester looks chiller.#esha.txt#and the second project is due exactly two weeks after that. so no break? so no break? so#at least this is group projects. however this means i actually have to learn to use git SIGH#i hope u all enjoyed me drawing like a madman for the last couple of months unfortunately that isn’t happening again any time soon. unless
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I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long
#talk post#i love this blog i want to live here#I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg#but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before#WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY#(yelling at a mirror)#seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately#and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week#making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts#and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again#this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row#but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school#and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing#and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year#and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it#like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me#PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE#i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean#i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy”#but things only work for so long#i hate the passage of time#anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff)#walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor#ramble#hit post
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idk what's wrong with rgg studio and why do they need to kill every major antag i mean ?? some of them wasn't THAT irredeemable!!! most of them are just stupid or/and dramatic and i don't know what do THEY think but my HUMBLE OPINION is that half of their antags could have better story ending by NOT DYING and redeeming themselves and being better people !!
aaaand yes i am also salty about aoki i get u man it COULD BE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL STORY ABOUT. ACCEPTING YOUR FUCKUPS AND LIVING WITH THEM. they could have killed sota kume instead if they needed to meet their killing quota no one cares about this mf like whatever
rgg is able to write really compelling characters and villain but they just utterly refuse to commit to a redemption arc. why i dont know but its so frustrating. closest we get is hamazaki but even HE bites the dust and it sucks so much we can't have one (1) redeemed character stick around
aoki's case is the one that makes me want to grind my teeth into dust the most because his death was at the literal very end of the cutscene- there was like thirty seconds left and they just had to fill the quota. ichi had successfully talked him down and had seemingly made a breakthrough to him- HELL, AOKI EVEN SAID HE WAS READY TO TURN HIMSELF IN so for RGG to pull the biggest Go Fuck Yourself is ACTUALLY blood boiling
#snap chats#like come onnnnnnnn#let jo and aoki reunite in prison and let them awkwardly talk abot jo being his dad#it'll be really funny but also Catharsis#someone remind me to do a comic on that cause i keep forgetting#but yeah. 0/10 worst franchise i hate these fuckin games <-- is going to replay them at least twenty more times#like nishiki/ryuji/mine i can take#like. WHATEVER i can accept those just fine#ryuji's was dumb as shit but dead souls rectifies it so fine ill let it slide#i dont feel too strongly about nishiki so . w/e.#tho i still think HEAVILY about that post bout how nishiki became who he was because he was constantly ignored and that happened in the end#like damn. thats a good post#mine is one i can also live with from a tragedy perspective#would have loved to see him stick around and have That Conversation with daigo#but i also like the tragedy aspect of it so yeah im fine#aoki. ouUGHGH MY BLOOD PRESSURE literally fuck that ending so much i hate it#i wish i could ignore it but i cant its so fucking stupid UGH MY RAGE
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okk, I've been at a major blank for the castle infiltration chapters I had been writing. Normally I just write whenever I get the inspiration to, though it's been almost 2 months now and I still have absolutely nothing for that story. I do not think I'll continue that story; if I do, it probably won't be anytime this year. I do have a new hyperfixation and story idea though so that will probably become my whole blog.
I'll start posting about that soon!
hopefully
#i had been so excited for that castle infiltration story but ive been so unproductive on it for so long now#everytime i think of it i just think back to how unproductive ive been in general with life and stuff at the moment#its made me really hate thinking about that story which sucks because i really loved the characters#and i had big plans for the story and everything#this stuff just happens though ig#and at least i have a new story now that i can direct my attention to#that way i can feel at least a little bit more productive#really hoping that i don't give up on that story idea too#i didnt even think that i liked writing that much until i stopped#and realised that it was kind of the only thing i was using to validate myself and feel productive so im not just wasting my days#i guess im probably setting myself up for disaster with that#i seem to have this really big fear of not being productive with my time while everyone else around me is#i feel like ill just wake up one day and ill be like 10 years older despite having accomplished absolutely nothing#only being able to 'show off' things that i did when i was a kid#im trying to break that mindset but it may be a while#for now ill just keep writing#sorry for the massive rant in the tags it wan't supposed to be that long lmao#not writing#castle infiltration#ok thats enough tags
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justt realized that th site i ws using t figure out my salary assumed id be working 56 hours a week when in reality i usually work likee 15 hours a week max . im gonna throw up Lol Lol Lol
#idk how on earth id get that many hours And also if i had that many hours id kill my shellfish#its still gonna be a fine amt of money ill make rent nd everything but im gonna have a lot less t put into savings#im so fuckin stupid idk why i didnt check how many hours itd be. ughhh#bc like. i need at least 2 days off a week for appts + my sanity#preferably itd be 3 days a week off but. sigh#so if im working 5 days of th week and im doing..lets say 50 hours a week thats 10 hours a day thats 20 rooms a day. lmao. lmao#even if i only take 1 day off which i quite literally cannot do thats 8.3 hours a day#which is. more doable but thats still like. 16 rooms? which has only happened to me like..once#th one time i worked 9 hours i genuinely intended to kms abt it. bc i ws in so much pain#n my pains gotten a lot better now but i still dont think i cn do that. Agghhh aghhhh#n if i do th starbucks job. well 1 if i ws in customer service id kms. i hate talking to ppl my hearing is too bad for it i cannot do it#but even if i did ik for a fact that i wouldnt get that many hours.. sigh#whatevr. frows up#ok. doing th math it shouldnt be that bad it will literallly be ok. i just need t calm down#most days at my current place are 3-5 hours#n idk how long theyll be at th new place but i assume theyll be similar..#but. that wuld have me making anywhere from 1002-1670 a month#which is good . rent is 380.. so i should be making likee. anywhere from 2.5 times rent to a little bit more than quadruple rent... both r#good. bc then i cn put abt 300-500 in savings each week and have some left over... okokok#calming down now . smile
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WHY are there still days where it’s in the 80s in tHE MIDDLE OF OCTOBERR
#............climent charnge............... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#it is supposed to FINALLY get like.. a little cooler later this week BUT that's happened before#like a few days of 60-70F weather then right back to 80s#the cooler weather now is projected to start friday. wwhich is october 21st!!!!!!!#thats like over half of the entire month that was spent in the high 70s mid/low 80s still like......HEWWo#It does get cooler at night now at least. like at 1am it's more like 50F instead of only getting down to 68 or something#but... like even in the PEAK afternoon sun hours I just feel like it should never be 85F in mid october#It also hasn't rained in probably 4+ months lol#there was a time like 2 weeks ago that it rained for maybe a few hours lightly. and then I think 3 weeks before that it rained for maybe an#hour. but still weirdly rare#I was promised a cool moderate rainy climate when I first moved here by people I was talking to who had lived here a while#i wonder if they even sell those '~~ oo it's so rainy in oregon~~' type tourist merch anymore or if they've removed it from#all the stores. I used to see a lot of like shirts or mugs that said stuff like that maybe 10 years ago but now all#the merch is probably just like 'dont fucking come here please i beg you dont fucking come here we dont even have a dunkin#donuts and it gets to like 105F+ in the summer now fuck off take this mug and fucking run'#''it doesnt rain here anymore than it does in plenty of other places we are not an outlier also fires are getting worse and we're#uncomfortably close to like fault lines or some shit if you dont get out in 2 years were all going to die in an earth quake#white hipsters with dreads handing you weird pamphlets on public transportation are the least of your worries turn back NOW'#'if youre not a hiking loving SUV having middle class liberal with 5 dogs who loves driving like 2 hours to the plain looking#beach like 10 times a month for no fucking reason and socializes exclusively through late dinner meetings at gentrified hipster foodie bars#with weird gimmics and subpar food then fuck off. take your tourist shirt and get out. youre better off whetever you are now.'#*whereever#ANYWAY..#We better randomly have a fluke winter where it snows like 5 feet + or something or else I'm going to go crazey hhh#something must compensate for the endless summer.. the people need retribution. if the winter sucks at least give every household#like $5000 and free installation of actual central heating and air system as a thanks for staying here lol.
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Man I feel guilty that I haven't written anything in Weeks by this point. But my brain is like 50/50 split between BG3 and my new girlfriend. No time for writing rn
#speculation nation#im enriching my soul or whatever. and trying to get to the point where i can quit my job.#ok thats a good amount of my brain space too. but for time spent. well. that ones actually probs like#90/10 between bg3 and my new gf. during my free time.#ehich seems like a large discrepancy but tbh the fact that shes getting any time at all Let Alone multiple outings a week#is really saying smth. considering how all consuming this grip is on my brain.#oh the hyperfocus. i knew this would happen.#i had today off and i spent all of it playing bg3. again.#sigh....... it's so much fun but that hyperfocus is No Fucking Joke#at least ive been eating. theres that at least.
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#me at abt 10 this morning: if i find one more fucking grass in gonna lose it and start stabbing the ground#12 unknown grasses to keep track of. fucking. i am not a plant person. they all look the fucking same. id i track them correctly? who tf#knows but i tried. and the ground here is so weird it doesnt quite work for what were trying to do collection wise. the mosses arent that#bi0crust-y so i might have to use the bryophite chamber on them. and we only have one of those so that will cause me a lot of agony#3.5hrs just looking at plants and dirt and calling out names while doing lunges. my legs are jelly#at least we only had to do 8hrs today and halfway thru i got to do collecting on one side by myself#its a lot more tolerable when no one else is there bc i sing to myself when im stressed tf out lmao#fuck sagebrush tho. it makes my nose run so bad. my nose and mouth r so raw feeling. when i got back my nose started bleeding in the shower#3 more fucking days until we leave and its 2 days of travel#and in theory we have 2 more locations where we're gonna sample#and one is even further away in California. and at the end of all this i get to run these samples#which nearly brought me to full on mental collapse last time. so yaaaaay#as i frequently say. ive gotta get tf outta here and find a phd#im not an ecologist. its good ill have an ecology background but like im more a mechanisms person#the other 2 locations r prob gonna happen later this year at some pt but idk#like i get y the project is important and if u told me abt it blind id b like oh thats interesting#but like in a way where id be fine never knowing. it doesnt make me feel anything. ya kno?#so ive gotta get out before i break my brain beyond repair#unrelated
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My uncle was sharing the fucking Facebook posts of "it's not happy holidays it's MERRY CHRISTMAS SHARE IF U AGREE" and the temptation to just rock up to family jesusmas and only say happy holidays this year is so so strong
#let it be known that i come by my pettiness honestly#there is a non zero chance that my mom is gonna ensure that one member of our family is missing from Christmas and all holidays#bc of drama that happened at Thanksgiving last month 😂#and there have also been other moments of pettiness also related to this side of family christmas#of my oma (step dads mom) asking my mom to tone it down with the gifts to the other grandkids bc she feels shown up#of which i believe my moms internal response and then what we talked about was essentially fuck u imma do it even more now#like my cousins dont care if oma gives them 20 and auntie gives them like 30 or 40 they just go sweet money#but oh man thanksgiving was just drama basically about getting a family picture together with everone bc#'this could be the last time were all together' which resulted in im assuming most of us going ok whos dying in like 3 months??#bc its not like anyone is on their deathbed currently and we all live close to eachother relatively farthest away is just under 2 hrs#and the grandparents are only in young 70s not like theyre 99 and holding on for dear life#like yeah sure accidents happen and people die thats just life but we tend not to bring that up when leaving a family gathering#and then a majority of us grandkids are old enough to look at eachother like 👀😶#im an adult and we got ages 12-16 sequentially for 6 out of 10 and then a like 10 8 5 and 3 make up the rest#anyways ill probably make sure to enunciate at least one happy holidays this year lol#me#my textposts#jesusmas#i think i actually have a tag for that
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I think we should talk to kids more abt common but scary experiences so they aren't scared when it first happens to them
#sorry sorry STILL thinkimg abt the fact my parents never told me what a period was so i DIDN'T KNOW when it first happened#'we thought you'd know about it by now' i was 10!! everyone older was actively avoiding telling me! it never shows up in Anything i watched#im not really upset abt this btw. but like. man it would've been So Nice to have a warning#i was 1am iand i was having blood coming out of a place it shouldn't be in. i genuinely thought i was dying. i cried when i told my parents#about it because i Thought I Was Dying#potato rambles n speaks#speaking of childhood experiences where i thougjt i was dying. getting the wind knocked out of you#i fell off the bars at a playgroumd and couldn't breathe or move or talk#interestingly enough. the one time i was the closest to being in danger of dying i wasnt scared. i mean. i was crying from pain#but i didn't think i was dying. (i was fine btw. only real dangers would've come if i was older when it happened)#(at least thats what the doctors told me)#uhhhh#period#period mention#ask to tag#its been like 7-8 years since the period thing but ill never stop thinking about it
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Intermission complete fifnkfnffkn sweet babey boy Nero and poor poor Sonon 😭😭😭😭😭 and thats sadly a wrap on the remake, but I still have crisis core I have to go back to and finish. I also wanna play dirge of cerberus again even more now. With the new things from remake so far, it makes me suuuuper interested in seeing a remake DoC version of Yuffie and Nero's interactions cuz now she already knows who he is and obviously has a vendetta against him. She wouldnt be so goofy in front of him like in the original. Oh my god, just thinking about potential remake DoC is freaking me the fuck out aaaaaaaaa. But anyway the most important thing here is now I am finally free to watch the old streams and lets plays that Ive been wanting to watch since 2019!!! I can finally enjoy other peoples misery!!!! Yaaaayy 🎉🎉🎉
#still gotta go back and do the weiss bonus boss eventually tho. i want to see him in all his immaculate hd glory. now with shirt on! sorta.#it just melts my heart that DoC is not forgotten or left behind. and even BC is vaguely included so far!!!!#i just still wonder how they may go about DoC after the end. i think depending on how much of the concepts in DoC are included in parts 2#and 3. it may be best to do vincent dlc perhaps??? cuz its not THAT long. for all the jrpgs i play its not even long period imo#i got through it in like 20 hours and i think 2 of those was bullshitting around??#so if potential DoC dlc content to work with is less than that. then they can totally make it dlc#intermission is only 10 hours anyway. 15 hour dlc isnt too much#i just want something for DoC at least. whether its a full remake or just dlc.#tho i wonder if AC is needed to understand DoC? i mean i guess for understanding what edge is.#iirc thats it???? they can add in an explanation of what happens after 7 then. im sure they will at the end of part 3 anyway#but that would still leave AC out of the equation. welp. time to start begging for playable AC dlc after part 3!!!!#I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FIGHT SONBOY KADAJ MYSELF DAMMIT! LEMME FIGHT BAHAMUT SIN SQUARE!!! LEMME DO IT!!!#PLAYABLE AC 2026!!!!!#personal
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a list of everything ive manifested and what i want to manifest
having alot of friends + also having at least one best friend (in short never being lonely)
people always approaching me first
not living with desired people
instant appearance changes
instant weather changes
very very pretty almond doe eyes and long eyelashes
a puppy
oddly specific tiktoks to pop on my fyp
being "popular" in school
having big boobs and a big butt naturally
being a semi big submaker
my face shape (younger me listened to round shape face subliminals but i had a thin one before)
alot of mcdonalds
bigger prettier lips
alot of sps coming back because i believed in the saying "they always come back"
revising something completely and there being no evidence of it ever happening
long breaks off of school (i feel like since i was listening to ALOT of "cancel school" subliminals b4 the corona break and i've had so many breaks off of school)
soft pretty 3a/3b hair
alotttt of compliments
being seen as very attractive in my own eyes and other ppls
being alot of ppls comfort person everyone tells me they enjoy my company
being right abt random things
manifested alot of things for my old friend
constantly passing classes knowing damn well i didn't do any work 😭 went from a 34 to a 92 doing absolutely nothing
all my teachers liking me enough to bump my grades to passing even if i did nothing in their classes
strangers always being nice to me all the time
people being obsessed with me (i don't recommend manifesting this 😭)
being lucky in games
immediate weight loss
having 300+ absences when the county's limit was 10 a semester and never getting in trouble for it
moving out of houses
being spoiled by people irl and online simply for being attractive
ppl texting me immediately after i think abt them
being able to manifest fast in general
having a high pitched cute voice
+ other tiny things
what im current manifesting
being extremely rich + living in a mansion
knowing how to speak Spanish, Korean, and French
revising any trauma I've experienced
desired baby pictures and childhood memories
having no anxiety and never overthinking
being everyones type + being like kokomi teruhashi
revising that i have close childhood friends
butt length hair
having no body hair
having a vivid imagination
4.0 gpa + perfect attendance + being naturally smart + being good at math
hazel eyes with mostly green
a cat and a pink bird and a bunny + my current dogs but they're all going to be babies and get along well (also manifesting that ik how to manage all of them)
being shorter
desired parents + only one sibling
a lot of rich love interests
desired body and face
old friends coming back
being a huge submaker like roy
bringing certain family members back to life
im manifesting this by affirming and listening to subliminals because thats what i prefer
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it really truly and honestly sucks that hershel is a bad dad in canon. and you have to wonder how much of that is characterization vs the writing team being like "well this is a normal way to treat girls right?" (flora) or "uhh we need a story for our new game. how can we make our new character's story depend directly on someone else's" (kat) and its honestly sometimes really hard to tell which is which
#i believe that being a good dad is one of the core tenents of gentlemanry#and if not that. then at least the 'be kind to others' rule is applicable#hershel Is reckless at times and he Is kinda stupid. but what started that whole stupid quest was 'buhh i cant be a good dad. Unless...'#and its like? hes adopted. Hes literally adopted and he loves his parents and refuses to acknowledge bronev as his father because he Isnt.#why would he follow in the very footsteps that leon and desmond made when he saw how much damage they caused#its just. shitty writing. its level 5 being too scared to let kat have her own story and being to scared#too*#to let hershel grow as a person#but. we cant forget flora. im sure he spent lots of time with her off-screen but what we Do see is flora just begging to be included#begging to be a part of the adventure and to have fun. and its so heartbreaking#I believe hershel is a good man. I believe that level5 wanted him to be some legendary action hero in the anime and that they shook things#up to make it happen#but i also believe that flora deserved better. that hershel can easily get lost in an investigation and that more often than not the people#around him have gotten put in danger because of it#its just. a really complicated mess.#i guess its just. at least we have that 'hed taken a break from adventuring' line from when kat was 10.#at least we can hope he did his best for al and flora and kat#sighs. its character assassination and its character misinterpretation and its bad writing and its an excuse but its also. the mistakes of#the past but now even bigger. its original trilogy hershel wanting to serve the greater good and forgetting his family in the process#its ungentlemanly. and thats one of the worst things a true gentleman can be now isnt it
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