#its just. a really complicated mess.
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it really truly and honestly sucks that hershel is a bad dad in canon. and you have to wonder how much of that is characterization vs the writing team being like "well this is a normal way to treat girls right?" (flora) or "uhh we need a story for our new game. how can we make our new character's story depend directly on someone else's" (kat) and its honestly sometimes really hard to tell which is which
#i believe that being a good dad is one of the core tenents of gentlemanry#and if not that. then at least the 'be kind to others' rule is applicable#hershel Is reckless at times and he Is kinda stupid. but what started that whole stupid quest was 'buhh i cant be a good dad. Unless...'#and its like? hes adopted. Hes literally adopted and he loves his parents and refuses to acknowledge bronev as his father because he Isnt.#why would he follow in the very footsteps that leon and desmond made when he saw how much damage they caused#its just. shitty writing. its level 5 being too scared to let kat have her own story and being to scared#too*#to let hershel grow as a person#but. we cant forget flora. im sure he spent lots of time with her off-screen but what we Do see is flora just begging to be included#begging to be a part of the adventure and to have fun. and its so heartbreaking#I believe hershel is a good man. I believe that level5 wanted him to be some legendary action hero in the anime and that they shook things#up to make it happen#but i also believe that flora deserved better. that hershel can easily get lost in an investigation and that more often than not the people#around him have gotten put in danger because of it#its just. a really complicated mess.#i guess its just. at least we have that 'hed taken a break from adventuring' line from when kat was 10.#at least we can hope he did his best for al and flora and kat#sighs. its character assassination and its character misinterpretation and its bad writing and its an excuse but its also. the mistakes of#the past but now even bigger. its original trilogy hershel wanting to serve the greater good and forgetting his family in the process#its ungentlemanly. and thats one of the worst things a true gentleman can be now isnt it
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👁️🦎🎯
(crops under cut)
#natsume yuujinchou#matoba seiji#natori shuuichi#horrible exorcists#sorry i couldnt think of a caption i literally sat here for like 2 minutes lol#usually i use a quote from the scene or a lyric from a song but in this scene they're just Looking#anyway FUCK architecture#really though this is csp's perspective ruler's fault. i shoulda just done this by hand#but i made it work. since it wasnt super super complicated lol#ummm i feel like natori looks like a baby ceo but that is what he was wearing at least in the anime version of this scene#and midorikawa's kind of vague about clothes so i made it easy on myself#but why are you rolling up to the exorcist meeting in a navy blazer and tan chinos?#his uniform color is tan so ig the pants could be from that but the blazer......#tryna represent the natori clan in front of the other exorcists ig idk#meanwhile matobas just in his gakuran lol#hes not the clan head yet so he can just be there as a kid#he even gets told off by takuma and called seiji-kun.....could you imagine like.#it's weird for him to not be matoba#anyway. um i completely kind of fudged the architecture because its hard to tell where exactly in the building this scene is and#i had a specific composition in mind#i only realized i messed up how the windows work like 3/4 of the way into lineart soooo#but thats the kind of thing only i would notice probably#btw i was originally drawing a different scene of them but i was faced with the reality of foliage.#and i remembered this romeo and juliet ass scene existed so#i chose architecture LOL#okay last thing. i feel like natoris haircut is too polished and nice but fr wtf is his canon hair#im doing my best LOL.........but boy#OKAY im done
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february mb
#hashtag rant ahead#lol#oooooohhhh guys i’ve gotten myself in a complicated situation and can’t really discuss it with my close friends#oooohhh i’m feeling things for a friend and i think maybe she’s feeling things too and we’ve been living in such tenderness#but si pasará it’d messed up so many things about our friend group and our day to day routine#so i can’t really talk about with anyone and mmm sabemos que sería mejor to stop it now before it’s too late pero literal ninguna quiere#not really so uuuughjskaoqa#i just needed to tell someone on the intenert#its just she kissed the inside of my arm yesterday and i can’t stop thinking about it#anyways hoping for a wiser february …. or just bolder or something#moodboard#visual moodboard#pinterest
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do you ever see someone talk about the lanterns and realize they've never read a lantern comic in their life
#the tangled mess that is the relationships of the lanterns cannot be reduced down to mere coworkers or families#they're siblings in arms they have a duty beyond that half of them are in love with the others its complicated stop reducing them down to#the most flat relationships being a lantern connects them its more like a very toxic religion than a family but like its not just coworkers#who you don't really care about
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As if I need something else to dwell on right now, I'm having a hard time with my orientation again. Like I just.... Idk. I feel like I don't fit in with the queer community because I'm aroace spec but I also feel alienated from the aroace community because I'm demi aroace. And it makes me feel very lost and very isolated.
#like i needed to feel even more like a broken thing...#negativity#demisexual#demiromantic#demi aroace#and not to go all vague blogging in the tags but#its really... [insert big complicated emotion here] to find a character you relate to on such a deep level#and then stumble across some... very strongly worded posts about the Right Way to interpret the character#and that supposed Right Way happens to invalidate your own experiences#specifically the ones that draw you to the character in the first place#and i know everyone's interpretations are (mostly) valid and we all have a right to play in the sandbox#but i can't help but feel a bit of shame alongside that alienation now because i happen enjoy an interpretation of the character#that fans seem to like being very vocally against#and im gonna try to not let it get to me and im gonna put the thoughts aside#knowing ive been up for just shy of 24hrs now and little sleep messes with the brain#but its just... its all too much rn and i feel too broken in too many ways#fox thoughts#tbd
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Processing obbligato by drawing pretty boys
id in alt text
#HiMERU#Tatsumi Kazehaya#enstars#ensemble stars#had a little fun with this one but i really thought that i was leaving the complicated outfits behind with the genshin brainrot#moth draws#manwhorification beam again#the outfit is very pretty but by god i had multiple refs up to figure it out#between this and the romantic date card my friend get some poses where the outfit is understandable#pls im beggign#theres a secret version on the tatsumi one where i just messed up the pose and couldnt fix it but only noticed to late and so its forever#going to remain in my ‟sketch‟ photoshop file that has propbably too many things in it#just Kinda redrew their cards oops :[#I know that I just posted about not wanting to post things right away afterI finish them but hear me out' instant seratonin
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<- could go off on a long winded tangent about the way my sonic feels about eggman but i'd be typing all night jdksf
#🌀 — later guys! i’m outta here. ❪ ooc. ❫#basically... with him being game versed and all#he has this really strange bond with eggman thats like. hard to describe#he cares about eggman the way mortal enemies care about each other kdfjdfd. like he cares and he doesnt.#he doesnt really 'save' eggman because he wants to... a lot of the time it has to do with#eggman proving to be a useful asset in time of great need when there's another even worse threat#but its also like. its sonic. helping people is just what he does.#there's been plenty of times where in the aftermath of a big fight he's left eggman to get out of the mess he made himself#though if it came down to it and he was in a position where he could let eggman die?#he doesnt know what he'd do! and he doesnt wanna think about it either#complicated...
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I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies
Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now#graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated)#now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups)#a Task Manager/Planner#Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect#plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes#our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people??#crunch time is.. so rough..#its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before#i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate??#did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it#could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat#im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha#anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst)#it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room#(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons)#<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday#i just kinda. exist. @:P#i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me)#but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity!#anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh#wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this#i promise im normal#@:|
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how it feels to chew five stickmen. stimulate your senses
#avm#read this if you dare#this doesnt even come CLOSE to explaining everything goin on inside my head#but i guess i can note some stuff#firstly blue is such a little hater because he REALLY isnt cool with people who have hurt his friends#its like they get all older brother about it so thats why they still hate mango's guts#two a lot of the color gang consider red as a younger brother/just a sibling#and three the romantic relationships; purple might've sorta developed a crush on green but he doesnt know that#so he thinks of them as a friend and they dont wanna mess things up so to the friendzone they go#next endie and red have a thing for each other but endie is so dense about it and they dont see each other enough to go anywhere#so they stay friends for now but the others all know endie has a massive crush on red#and lastly vic has given mango the tittle of hot guy i wont shut up about except he doesnt know them so its a bit weird and parasocial#you know the drill#and all of these. arent fully canon in my mind it depends#im not one to genuinely believe in ships in canon unless stated otherwise by the media#maybe purple is the exception cus i see him doing that thing where someone your age shows you a pixel of kindness and you're head over heels#animation vs Minecraft#i actually reccomend doing this even if its not understandable too#its fun to think about#OH and green has a complicated relationship with mango because he isnt sure he's good for purple yet he has to prove himself#but he wont tell him that#on the other hand mango respects him as purple's friend#im not tagging all of these#avm ships#i guess
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"I am fully qualified by my kingdom to speak upon most topics of anatomy as well! Though, I can hardly say I am of the educational type..."
#Glory and Gore || IC#The rumor mill || Dash Commentary#(( this fish princess is technically a licensed doctor and you cant do shit about it#(( dont ask her about the anatomy diagrams#(( (at least not officially)#(( (listen if the other ROs ask very nicely and really want an answer then. then. well.)#(( (maybe miranda's legally not supposed to be sharing this information but its fiiiiiiine theyre friends)#(( (she can entrust government secrets to them)#(( (or even just. the entire complicated mess that is merkingdom politics around this particular issue)#(( (miranda is also not allowed to talk about this in detail either)
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i have so many feelings and i hate it
#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and#and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and#i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me.#i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and#its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine#and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like#be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work#even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much#and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea#and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an#auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them#i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk.#theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk#i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all#i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but#ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u#ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are#i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too#but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and.#urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf#i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc#like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk#i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can#like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and#more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff#i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m#bc i get to decide that :^(#when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk.#theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh
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Having low expectations almost paid off. Nicholas Galitzine was perfectly cast and put his whole foot into this. Taylor was very charming. They have great chemistry and no self-consciousness. I wanted hot guys getting it on and I got it. Zahra and Nora carried the rest of the movie.
I sure wish Alex had been in this movie though! However, I forgot that Greg Berlanti's brand is not simply failing to meet standards but actively fucking them over. Kind of want to send Matthew Lopez a fruit basket for the sex scenes and a dog poop for the rest of it. It's one thing for a movie to be sub-par, it's another for it to be two hours worth of sexist and racial microaggressions.
#rachel hilson this movie did not deserve you#started to write everything that pissed me off and ended up with a long rant that just is not worth this level of racist white mediocrity#also wondering whether they gave the movie an R rating because of Taylor's bare ass#i dont really get what the point of that HBO moment was. it wasnt even that funny#I'm very glad they switched out 'your song' because it can remain a FirstPrince anthem unsullied by this mess#but also your song didnt really match the slow angsty vibe of the movie#i literally stopped watching it three fourths of the way through because I was so bored#the final reason i hate this movie is that there is going to be an influx of the most annoying white queers on the RWRB Ao3 tag#which is already choked by Swifties#i wonder whether half these people actually care about Alex or just wants to thirst over Henry through him#and that's with the book alone#movie Alex is nothing whatsoever like book Alex and the people claiming that Taylor played him perfectly just proves my point#god I wish white queers would stop dragging us into whatever they want to fap to just for social justice points#it's so dehumanizing to be used as a prop#it's all progress flag bullshit#it's not representation it's tokenism. it's not inclusion its complicity. it's not diversity its scapegoating#*curls sadly around the Claremont-Diaz siblings* I'm so sorry babies 😔#rwrb movie spoilers#rwrb spoilers#rwrb#white queers#racism#white apologia#anti greg berlanti#anti matthew lopez#queer representation#fandom racism#knee of huss#rwrb negative#rwarb negative
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.
#why is it that every time i come off from a voice chat with ppl who genuinely want to spend that time with me i feel like everyone hates me#like. idk. my brain is very broken#i just feel like i dont really have friends. like i know i do. but also.. do i?#its. complicated. i feel like whining. sorry#im gonna make dinner and try to get back to writing i really wanted to finish this fic tonight mmmm#i just.. feel bad. its hard to explain#and no nobody did anything its me. its all me. it has and always will be me. yay#night is an absolute mess on main
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so hoping cecil rolls up to the microphone mad as all hell next eppy
#ive been thinking about cecil going home after his show#and carlos being weird#but giving cecil a really#long hug and a kiss#bc he loves him so so much but hes struggling so much with everything#idk i just feel like i relate to carlos talking abt things is so difficult and then when people get upset bc ur NOT telling them things it..#feels even worse#and cecil having every right to feel hurt and upset by learning abt carlos’ time in DOW#bc its complicated#and that hurt translates to anger as it does with cecil#also i just want For Once cecil to Be Mad at#at carlos#bc like#he gives me the big energy of dropping fights and problems in fear of losing carlos#but i want cecil to be upset and mad bc i think that shows HIS character growth#to be mad at his perfect husband who messed up without fearing a bad out come#YOU KNOW#i said id talk abt this nonstop and im sorry#its just so deliciously complicated from both angles#they both just need to.. have a long long talk#ugh#wtnv#welcome to night vale
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Hello there, meet my fav oc ever, Victoria :]
I've had her for over 5 years, most of that time she was just living in my head, with an occasional drawing, but I decided to finally take proper care of her design. *Also trying to take proper care of her lore and world, but uhhh that's more complicated*
#i love her with all my heart#and i have so many sketches now I'll post her again soon#but yeah the lore at this point is nonexistent she's just living there#cause i mean it was supposed to be fantasy world and time travel stuff#and every now and then i just think about it before sleep and add ir change something but it all doesnt really makw sense#i mean maybe it does but i also dont have good reasons for most of that stuff i just know it happens but why and how#not really#i am unable to create good plot and this started as a comic idea she was supposed to be the main character#and now she's just kinda my most important oc in this universe and i mean she has special powers and stuff but??#its a mess#i mean i dont mind it being like that in my head but it complicates talking about her#like idk what is canon#so im just not going to say anything and her story will die with me oh well#oc#idk what hashtag i should do for my ocs#thatsitsoocs#idk#original character#art#drawing#krita#digital art#character design#sketch#lineart#also her hair color should be a little different probably but like it looks different on every device so#these clothes are black and white for now cause i couldnt find any colors thatd fit#my baby#itsoocs#my art
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introducing....
CLOUD!!! my newest oc. she's a professional clown, and is one of the head coordinators for the performers.
#fyi this is not the result of the poll.#anyway their prns are she/they and they have minimal trauma.#art#original character#original art#oc art#clown oc#clown original character#ignore how funky proportions and stuff looks#i was bored at school and this is all done on my computer with my finger#btw i have like two/three art styles. number one is what i do on my tablet. like my last post.#this is number two. i do it at school like my last post#the third one i don't do often. its more painter-y. either for really quick doodles or complicated stuff.#just letting you know because this is a very different style i feel from my other stuff. im not a fraud i promise. i have timelapses#just dont show them because i mess up and fuck around a lot#anyway this is the closest thing ill ever come to to rendering#digital aritst#digital art
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