#that few (if any) others can possibly understand
Note
Haii!
How do we feel about a smut with pornstar reader & pornstar Konig? Like- their comments in their vids/twts/etc. always saying to collab w/ eachother and after awhile, they finally do 👀
-🖤
(Also sorry if I already sent this- I forgot if I did😭)
You didn't! I love the idea of being shipped with Pornstar!König. The Austrian with a monster cock🤤
Pornstar!König x Pornstar!Reader (fem)
MDNI🔞
Master List
>cw: fem/afab, p in v, oral
3.1k word count
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König is famous in the adult film world. During lock down he downloaded Only Fans and ended up making his own account. His striking blue eyes, hidden face mystery, and 6’10 280 lb frame of solid muscles weren’t the only reasons he became so famous; he also has a 10-inch cock the size of most women’s forearms.
You, on the other hand, are a cam girl turned OF girl. You are known by your fan base never being scared of a challenge. You use toys that make people's jaws drop. Your body being strikingly stunning along with a beautiful face and kinky appetite for sex, you blew up quickly on the platform.
Because of the material you make, your fans instantly made you aware of another content creator, König. After about the 100th comment, you decide to go on your X account and check out his page. Instantly you notice the mask covering his face and his blue eyes. His bio gives his height and weight, your jaw drops. You continue to scroll and see a photo he’s recently posted. He’s wearing gray sweatpants with no shirt. His body is stunning, but your eyes drop to the outline of his erection in his pants, his dick literally hanging down his leg. You smirk now, understanding why the fans think you two should film together. You go ahead and give him a follow.
◅ ◃ ▹ ▻
König has also seen the comments. After the first one he instantly looked you up. His eyes shot open when he saw the photo of toys on your profile. Scrolling down a few posts he sees you, and wow. You’re wearing a pink lace thong with your breast fully exposed. You have a sweet smile on your face and you’re standing in a field of wildflowers. You look ethereal. He instantly took notice of you, but contrary to his online persona, he is very socially awkward. He has no idea how to reach out to you, or any girl; that’s why he only posts solo. Then while he is scrolling looking at his feed, he gets a notification. You just followed him.
He quickly sits up and smiles. He clicks your profile and begins to look at all the photos you’ve posted again. His heart rate is picking up, he doesn’t know if he should message you or wait. That’s when your phone chimed and he got the notification that you messaged him.
> “Hey! I’m sure you know of me from your comments 😂, but I’m y/n!”
He reads your message probably ten times before getting the courage to respond to you.
> “Hey, ja, I know you. It’s nice to finally talk.”
He hits send quickly and waits for you to respond. He can feel his heart rate picking up. He hopes that you’re messaging him to make content together. He can feel his excitement rising as his leg bounces waiting for your next message.
You sit feeling nervous yourself as you look down at your phone. He responded so quickly it didn’t give you time to think of a smooth way to ask about a collab. You’ve only ever filmed solo or with women, never a man.
> “I was wondering if you’d be interested in maybe getting together? I see you mostly do solo, so please feel no pressure. I just figured the fans would love it.”
König stands and punches the air like his favorite sports team had just won the big game. Now he just has to act smoothly and not ruin this.
> “I’d love to.”
Both of you do a little celebration dance, feeling excited about the possibility of filming together. You both continue to message back and forth and work out how you’d both meet on account of him being based in Austria, but you both work something out.
◅ ◃ ▹ ▻
One week later you post on your social media accounts a photo of a plane at the airport. The comments explode with assumptions and more tagging of König. During the next few hours, you continue to post your travels while König doesn’t post at all.
That is until he posts a photo of a small feminine hand in his and then you post a bathroom mirror selfie with a man’s large arm around your waist. You sit with König in your Airbnb on the living room sofa, both giggling as people begin to realize the collab is about to happen.
König paid for you to fly to him, picked you up at the airport, and paid for your Airbnb. You knew König was 6’10, but seeing him in person actually blew you away. Plus, he is so sweet. In person, his face remains covered by the mask. You have questions, but you leave it alone.
Your first day together you spend the day going over health, boundaries, safe words, and any questions you might have for each other. Once everything is settled, you both plan to film the next day to allow you to get some rest.
◅ ◃ ▹ ▻
König wakes up early and works out the day of filming. He eats a light breakfast and takes a long shower to help with his nerves. He is excited to have sex with a woman that he knows is very capable of taking someone his size instead of having only the tip of his cock in someone. Getting dressed in sweats and a black shirt, he makes his way to you.
You are currently sitting on the floor in front of a full-length mirror to do your makeup. You just do a light natural look for today. You’re wearing a black silk robe over your nude body with two sets of lingerie set out, waiting to get König’s opinion.
A knock at the door, you jump up and rush to the front door. Smiling, you let König inside and motion for him to follow you to the main bedroom.
“Okay, so I have two options for today and I wanted your input.”
He follows you to see a large king size bed with white lush looking comforters and he feels his nerves spike again. He sees one black lingerie set and then a light pink one that looks like the one from the first photo he ever saw of you.
“Pink, it will look great with your skin tone.” König says looking at you with a soft smile behind his mask.
You grab pink and go to the connected bathroom to get dressed.
König walks around the room and sets up the ring lights and cameras for different angles. He stands looking around and waiting for you. Slowly he takes his shoes off when the bathroom door opens and he gets to see you. He’s seen you naked online, but in person you looked even more perfect. He stands and just looks at you for a while before speaking.
“You look lovely.”
“Thank you,” you can’t help but to find his Austrian accent attractive. “Thanks for setting up too.”
“Oh, it’s not a problem.” König reaches for the hem of his shirt and pulls it off.
Your eyes go over his body and smirk at how attractive he looks. You notice his erection forming as you walk to the bed.
“Do you want to film everything? Like role play and all?” You ask in a soft voice, the tension in the air heavy as you’re both ready now.
“Uh, let's film it all. I’d rather have more to edit from.” And also, because he’d want to watch these moments with you later.
◅ ◃ ▹ ▻
König lifts his mask slightly, the first time his audience will be seeing his sharp jawline and his thin soft lips. His lips meet yours in a tender first kiss as his hands begin to roam over your body. His hand squeezes your breast gently as your lips part and your tongues caress each other’s.
You move your hand down his chest, feeling the small amount of chest hair the covers his chest. His muscles twitch lightly at your touch. His penis now fully erect in his pants as he tastes your lips and feels the touch of your soft skin.
He moves his hands behind your back and begins to unhook your bra. Slipping the straps off your shoulders slowly before pulling it away from your body. He breaks the kiss and gently leans you back on the bed. His lips kiss all over your breasts until he finds one of your nipples. He licks in slow circles around it before closing his lips and sucking lightly. Opening his mouth again he begins to flick his tongue.
You let out a soft moan as your hand reaches for the back of his head, pressing him against you, the fabric of his mask soft. His other hand goes down to your thighs and begins to gently move up them, caressing the soft skin on the inside of your thighs.
He pulls away from your breasts and whispers to you, “Is it okay if I touch?”
“Yeah,” you smile at him asking for consent.
His hand grabs your leg and moves it to where the camera can see everything, He moves the thin fabric of your thong aside and begins to rub his thick fingers between your folds. You’re already wet when he touches you and that excites him knowing you’re so turned on. He moves his lips back to yours as he gently rubs your clit. Small moans leaving your lips, muffled into his. He eventually slips one finger down and pushes it gently into you. He feels the texture of your walls and feels how tight you are. He can only think about shoving himself deep inside of you, but he wants you to get off first.
He moves his kisses from your lips back down to your breast before kissing down your stomach. He moves your leg a little more as he rests his head on your thigh, he kisses your clit before flicking his tongue. Your legs jerk and you sit up to look down at him eating you out. He can’t get over how good you smell and taste. He is surprised you aren’t selling your panties; men would pay big money for this.
“Oh, fuck König,” you moan caressing the side of his face.
König slips in another finger as picks up his pace, as he continues to lick your clit. Hearing you moan his name means that he is on the right path to get you to orgasm for him. Your hand grasps the fabric of his mask, making him smirk before he switches to begin just sucking your clit. Your legs tremble as you drop your head back and lay back down. The sound of your wet cunt gets louder as you cum on his fingers. He keeps going for a while before pulling back.
You lie there panting before you giggle and sit up, “Your tongue is amazing.”
He chuckles and goes in to kiss you, making you taste your sweet pussy on your own lips. You move your hands to his chest before moving down to his cock, pulling back you pull at the waistband of his sweatpants. His heart rate began to pick up. The videos of you deep throating your toys comes into his mind and he gets excited. Lifting his ass, König helps you pull his sweats off of him, boxers as well.
Seeing his cock spring free makes you smile; his cock is as big as some of your toys. König leans back to support himself on his elbows to allow you room but he still wants to watch.
Grasping his dick at the base, you stroke it lightly as you lick the back of his tip. König’s breathing heavy as his blue eyes watch with anticipation. You move your hand and lick from the base all the way up his shaft, back and forth and a few times before finally wrapping your lips around the head of his cock. You begin to suck on the tip and move your head in a fast motion making König moan out. He reaches down and moves some of your hair out of your face.
“Ah, ja, just like that.” His voice shakes as you keep going.
Finally, you lower your head down the length of his shaft. Your full lips wrapping tightly around him as you take his ten inches inch by inch down your throat. König watches in amazement as he has never had a woman be able to take more than half his cock into their throat. He takes a sharp breath before letting a small moan out.
You feel a bit of pride being able to take someone like him, to make him moan like that. You look up at his eyes as you continue to suck his cock.
“Is this okay?” König asks as his hand moves to the back of your head.
“Mmhhmm,” you respond without stopping.
His hand gently guides you motion as the other one is behind him supporting himself. He lets himself enjoy the pleasure of your skills. Gently lifting your face with one hand he brings your lips to his, lifting his mask and kissing you. He wants you fully now.
Pushing your body back without breaking the kiss, his hands caress your body. You both agreed on no condom but to us the pull out method and since both of you are clean. Slowly pulling away from your soft lips he looks down at you and removes your thong, tossing it to the side.
“Are you ready, Schatz?”
“I am.”
“Gut.”
Grabbing you by your hips he drags you forward. He is such a massive man that he can easily move you. You giggle as he does and he responds with a chuckle of his own.
“Your voice is so sweet.” He tells you as he grasps your thigh as pulls one leg back for the camera view again. He rubs himself back and forth over your folds before he begins to push himself into you. His eyes watch your face to watch for pain or discomfort, yet he sees nothing but bliss.
König pushes himself as far in as your tight cunt will take at first. You moan out, grabbing his arm and the bed sheets. Your sweet pussy welcomes him with a warm wet hug and he pushes in more, a moan leaving his lips as you take him.
“You’re so tight, Schatz.” König speaks with a voice dripping with lust. His hips begin to thrust harder into you, letting his desire take over.
Your lips hug his fat cock as he pumps it into you leaving your creamy cum on his cock. He pulls out and stands to grab one of the cameras. He comes back and points it to your pussy as he slides his cock back into you, recording the way your tight cunt can easily stretch for him.
“Look at that beautiful pussy, you truly take cock so well. So fucking tight.” He picked up his pace, holding the camera in place as you reached down and put your own leg back. Your fingers digging into your own flesh as you moan out his name.
“Please König, fuck me.” You look into his eyes begging for him to get you off again.
König returns the gaze as he fucks you harder. The phone picking up the sounds your pussy is making and both of your moans.
“That’s it, cum for me, good girl.”
Your eyes flutter back as your body tenses, your cunt tightening around his cock. He puts the phone down and fucks you through your orgasm letting the other cameras pick it up. His body leaning into yours as your hands move to his back and begin to drag your nails along his pale skin.
“Good girl,” he whispers to you as he lifts his mask slightly to kiss you all over your neck and face. His hands grasp your body tightly as he continues to thrust into you. His balls begin to tighten and he feels the temptation of just cumming deep inside of you, but he can’t.
Quickly König pulls out and grabs the phone again to record. “Come here,” he grabs your hand to pull you up and sits at the edge of the bed. He points the camera down at you as you scoot closer to his cock.
Moving your pillowy lips up and down his cock, sucking as you do. You begin to lick your own wet from his cock.
“Suck it Liebling,” his voice breathy.
You move your mouth to wrap around his cock again. König grabs your hair in his hand to hold your head steady as he begins to buck his hops forward, face fucking you gently. You look up at him, not breaking eye contact as he looks down at you. He moves his 10-inch cock deeper and deeper as he fucks faster. Your eyes begin to water as you close your eyes.
“Open, look at me. Please.” König moans.
Once your eyes open and you look back up at him, he presses your head all the way down. His cock outline is visible in your throat. You gargle on his cock before he pulls it out and begins to jerk off quickly. You open your mouth and hold your breast up waiting for his load.
He cums on you, letting out loud grunts of pleasure as he does. His milky white seed shoots some on your breast, your mouth, but most on your face. He smiles at how beautiful you look covered in him. You play with it a little for the camera before he stops recording.
You both relax on the bed and pant, relaxing. König looks over to you and gestures for you to come snuggle with him. The other two cameras picked up the sweet moment.
◅ ◃ ▹ ▻
The video blows up on both of your pages. Fans ecstatic to see you get dominated by König’s monster cock finally. The chemistry you both had radiating through the camera adding to the passion. People requesting more and starting to ship the two of you.
You have 5 more days in Austria and König is excited to spend those few days with you. He’s at home, late at night, watching the clips of him snuggling you after sex. A small smile on his face as he watches it over and over. He didn’t want to, but he caught feelings. He wonders if you feel the same.
#konig#konig x reader#konig x y/n#könig#konig cod#könig x reader#konig smut#könig smut#könig cod#könig mw2#konig x reader smut#konig x you#könig call of duty#könig x y/n#könig x you#smut#konig call of duty#cod smut
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Best friends older brother! Anakin x reader Drabble
fluff with some kissing, touching and stuff like that😇
( i have no idea who came up with the bsf anakin idea i read it somewhere , so plspls let me know and ill give credit !!)
also GB/N stands for girl bsf name.
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Friday August 15th
approx 9:25pm
“Ani if you dont place them right , it’ll ruin the cookies” you whine as your (secret) boyfriend wasn’t putting his back into making the dessert you two planned for the movie night as much as you were.
Anakin places cookie blobs on the tray and you shape them to look like actual cookies
“How the fuck do you place it wrong, its just putting them on the tray ” he replies countering your complaint about his skills at baking.
“ugh you don- back up back up, i’ll do it myself. You just sit there and look pretty” you huff and push him to sit on the stool that overlooks the kitchen table.
“see now THAT i can do just perfectly” Anakin winks and lets out a chuckle at his own comment as he sits down on the stool.
as the two of you stay in the kitchen , placing the tray of cookies into the oven , a call comes from your home phone.
You pick up the phone but dont answer , looking at the name you hesitate to answer. The ringing echos for a few minutes, “whats wrong? who is it?” Anakin asks curiously.
“its uh- its GB/N” , He stares at you softly understanding your hesitation. “what do i tell her if she asks where i am?”
he comes up with the excuse of “just say your busy thats all” , nodding at his idea you answer the phone.
“Hey whats up?” , “ah nothing much , just wanted to see if your free. are you?”. “not tonight sorry GB/N, got tons of homework.”
Anakin smirks at your excuse of doing “so much homework”. Suddenly an idea springs into his head, he makes his way behind you and starts cleaning up the baking supplies, waiting for the right moment to pounce.
“ah its alright , we’ll go out another night. Man how is everyone busy but me!? even Anakin went out at 5 and still isn’t back!”
“Anakin still isn’t back and he left at 5? i wonder where he could be” you say trying to make it sound like you dont have a clue where he could be.
This was his moment.
Anakins arm snakes around your waist and travels your whole body , the sudden touch makes you gasp but right away you shut up to avoid suspicions.
“what happened?? why’d you gasp?” she asks on the other side of the phone. You clear your throat and let him continue with his little ruse.
“uh- umm nothing , sorry thought i saw a spider. it was just a piece of lint” you say sounding unsure but you could care less anyways. Anakin was distracting you too much.
His deep chuckle is heard prominently from your other ear as he rests his head on that shoulder.
“ew , but yeah Anakin’s still not back! he said he had some important business to attend to but that just makes him sound like a serial killer” she replies.
Absolutely none of her words registered properly into your head because Anakin kept going on with his little game. His giant arms travelled down to your thighs and just teasing your inner thighs as he takes his thumbs and gently grazes it back and forth.
His lips kiss your neck from behind , slow and one kiss at a time, making you yearn for more on the inside.
“i- i uh wouldn- wouldnt worry much abo- about him. He’s a ye-year old-older thannn uss so he-hes doing teenage boy th-things” you stumble on your words barley able to form a proper sentence. How could you? you were so drunk on Anakin. You needed him more than anything but you couldn’t blow your cover, not this early to your GB/N.
“are you sure your okay?” you sound really out of it” she questions your odd behaviour, concerned about what’s possibly going on , on the other side of the phone.
Anakin takes his sisters suspicions as a loud ringing bell that tells him to continue. His arms move from your upper thighs to inside your shirt. His hands move to your bra and fiddle with the outline of it
“ye-yeah , im uh perfect-ly fine” You gulp half way through what you could finish of that sentence.
“are you absolutely sure cau- i think im not feeling well. ill talk to you tomorrow after i get some sleep?”
You cut her off because you genuinely cant deal with the embarrassment of trying not to make it sound like your enjoying your boyfriend who happens to be her older brother straight up groping you right now
“yeah yeah sounds good , get some rest N/N. love you” , “yeah goodnight , Love you too”.
The call ends and you immediately (attempt to) smack Anakin on the head
“Ani! what the hell was that for. were you trying to get us in trouble ??” you scold the brown haired male for his antics. “At this point i dont care if the world knew we’re together, God i cant stop myself from being near you N/N”
“you dont mean that Anakin” you weakly say as you turn around and look down from his gaze.
Even though you two always liked it each other secretly and then finally fessed up not that long ago. You still had doubts about your relationship and Anakin has tried everything he could to prove himself. Its not that you dont trust him, its that you feel unsure about the whole sneaking around thing.
He pushes your chin up with two fingers “of course i do. i always have meant it” he sternly claims as he presses his forehead against yours.
the two of you stay quiet for a moment.
“Maybe soon okay? i just need to figure out how to tell her” you propose meekly to Anakin hoping he’ll be okay with it, “whenever your ready baby.” he replies with ease.
You couldn’t believe your dating the most perfect man of all time. The man only poets write about , the man women fawn over and men get intimidated of. The man of your dreams is holding you in his arms reassuring you of anything you want.
its a dream come true.
You pull back from the forehead touching and lean in for a deep kiss with him. Nothing could pull you two apart, not now and not ever.
Ding!
well except for the oven and the cookies you two made.
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why was this acc so long omg.
i hope u liked ittt my babes💕
PLEADE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE THINGS JN MY LITTLE QUESTION BOX ANYTHING I NEED SOME SORT OF NOTICE THAT YOUR THERE.
also follow meee , i followw backk🥲
#anime#girlblogging#it girl#just girly things#fanfic#aot#hayden christensen#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin x reader#anakin smut#star wars anakin#anakin x you#anakin skywalker#star wars#sam monroe#sam monroe x reader#sam monroe x y/n#fypシ゚viral#fypシ#tumblr fyp#fyp#mutuals#for you
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Chapter 1
Oh fuck! Oh FUCK! FUCK!
I overslept.
I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago. If I hurried, I could take a shower, throw on some clothes that still needed ironing, and make it there by 11 if there isn’t much traffic.
Or…I could just call in sick.
Having the day to myself would be nice. I’ve taken a day off each of the last 3 weeks and I have to say, I’ve really been enjoying the extra day of relaxation. Not that my job is too taxing, I sit at a desk all day and move numbers from one column to the other, but on days I’m home I get to be free. I get to be me.
My roommate Max is at work until 5. That’s at least 7 solid hours of play time. My mind races with all the possible things I could do. I’m already getting hard just thinking about it. I grab my phone and tune my voice as I dial, my other hand on my crotch, rubbing in excitement.
“HR, this is Kelly.”
“Hey K-Kelly” I say in a terrible excuse for a raspy voice, coughing unconvincingly. “I think I'm getting pretty sick…”
“Again? This is like the third week in a row.” She says.
“Yea, I dunno, some kind of weird viral thing I guess.”
Even through the phone she sounded skeptical. “Hmm…okay well go ahead and take the day off, and bring in a doctor’s note on Monday.”
“A doctor’s note?”
“Yea. You’ve already used all your PTO days for the year, so you’ll need a note from your doctor to have it count as a sick day. Otherwise we’ll have to dock your pay.”
America.
“Okay, well *ehem* I’ll get the note and bring it on Monday.” I say, knowing damn well I'm too lazy to do any of those things. Maybe they’ll forget, or shrug it off, I dunno, that’s future-Jake’s problem.
Today, I’m gonna pamper myself. Literally.
But first I have to shave my legs. I dunno why. For whatever reason it puts me in that mood. Having fresh, smooth legs makes me feel both feminine and infantile.
After I’ve removed any trace of body hair, it’s time to decide what to wear. I have a large divider in my closet that serves as a false wall. It effectively hides an entire section tucked back in the corner. That’s where I keep all my supplies.
I’ve accrued quite a lot over the years. Slowly adding to my wardrobe and repertoire of toys. I rake the hangars along the rod as I search for my outfit of the day, all of them in various shades of pink.
Frilly dress? Na. Too frumpy. Onesie? Too tame. I’m in a particularly slutty mood. I want something slutty.
I decide on my go-to: the sexy Schoolgirl outfit.
Sure, it’s cliche. But there's a reason it’s so common. Nothing makes me feel more fuckable than that skimpy skirt and the crop top. It’ll even show off my new belly button piercing!
I take some time putting it all on, pretending I’m getting ready for a hot date or something, or maybe just a gangbang.
The skirt can’t even hang properly because of how hard my cock is poking out. I stroke it a few times, fighting the urge to do it more. I have to control myself, I don’t want this to end too early.
Luckily, I’ve learned a great way to fix that.
I take a few seconds to decide on a diaper. I end up going with the pink BunnyHopps, for multiple reasons, but the main one being that they’re super cute.
I unfurl the diaper and lay it down on my bed, turning around to position myself over it. The crinkle as I lower myself onto it always gets me going. The shaky excitement from something so simple is something I will never understand about myself. But as I’m pulling the front of the diaper up to tape it shut, I realize I’ve forgotten something. Gotta get a plug. Oh! And powder…
After a bit of grunting and frustration, I work the plug into my ass. I love how full it makes me feel, having it inside and tickling my prostate gives me the heebie jeebies. I powder myself as best I can without getting it all over my skirt, then pull the front flap of the diaper over me and tape it snugly.
Mmmm the way it feels when I sit up, feeling the padding as the plug presses into me is such a high.
I stand up and look at myself in the mirror. Not bad, but it can be better.
I take my shaggyish hair and separate it into two tiny pigtails. I’m getting better at making them even, but I wish my hair was a bit longer. Two little bows attached to each do make it look super cute, though.
I close the door to my room…just in case. I don’t want Max to come home early and find me prancing around like a pretty sissy. I turn back around and get to what I was doing…
Creeeeakkk
I panic. Jumping around, caught in the act, attempting to cover myself as the door swings open.
Nothing.
No one’s on the other side, the door just…swung open on its own accord, and damn near gave me a heart attack. I push the door shut again but it doesn’t click, just slowly creaks back open. It takes me two more attempts to get it to stick and stay shut. I gotta fix that sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Or next week…
I spend the next hour in my computer chair watching make-up tutorials as I learn to apply my own. Trying to contour without making myself look like bozo the clown is something I’m still struggling to learn. I’m pretty happy with what I accomplished though. I bat my mascara’d eyelashes at myself and give a dainty smile to the mirror. I feel so pretty, but I could definitely use some lip gloss!
When I’m satisfied that I look like a proper, fuckable sissy slut. I prance around the room. Well, as much as I can with a plug and pamper between my bum. I love my new stockings and Mary Jane slippers! They really complete the look.
“Oh! Have I been a naughty girl today, Professor?” I say in as best of a sissy voice as I can muster. “Are you going to make me stay after class and be…punished?”
I giggle daintily at my little made up scenario. It’s silly and, admittedly, pathetic, but it’s the best I can muster under the circumstances. Judging by how hard I am in my pampers, it seems to be working just fine.
I go back to my secret stash and rustle around until I find the dildo I’m looking for. The big, fleshy 8-incher complete with balls and a suction cup, a favorite of mine lately.
“Oh Professor!” I say, twirling around with the cock so that my skirt swishes and my diaper crinkles. “Whatever could I do to make it up to you??”
“Well I think you should start by…sucking up to me a bit…” I mimic in a deeper voice, trying not to cringe at the awful line.
I place the dick to my glossy lips, batting my eyes up at the ceiling and putting on an innocent facade, “Like this Professor??”
“Yes you little whore. Now let’s see what you got!”
I close my eyes and take the fleshy dildo in my mouth. I hear myself let out a little moan. God it feels so good having something in there. I have several pacifiers to appease my oral fixation, but there’s nothing like a nice big cock, even if it’s a fake one…
I get down onto my knees, putting the dildo on the edge of the bed, pretending I’m servicing a real man. I suck and slurp and try to do all the things the blowjob tutorial videos told me to. I can’t help but rub the front of my diaper with my other hand. My dick is practically screaming at me to cum. I bring myself right up to the edge and–
Thonk!
Oh fuck! Was that a car door? Is Max home?? Oh shit. Shit shit shit shit! What if he sees me like this??
I toss the dildo to the side and bustle over to the window as fast as my plug and padding will allow. I peek through the blinds and heave a huge sigh of relief.
It’s just the neighbor. They must have forgotten something at work I guess.
Phew…close one.
My heart is still beating out of my chest, and my stomach is still in knots from the adrenaline. All of my horniness has evaporated.
Well, kind of. One quick look in the mirror gets me worked up again, but at least I'm not so close to cumming now!
Stopping to take the time to wet my diaper, I hold my skirt up as I watch myself make the padding swell and the tint of the diaper change to a darker shade. I press the front inward, feeling the warmth against my skin. What kind of freak do I have to be to enjoy this shit?
I put that thought out of my mind.
Searching the room for the discarded dildo, I find it in the corner of the room before sitting down at my desk and plopping the rubber dick down on the surface in front of me.
It doesn’t take me long to find some porn to watch. I’ve recently discovered “FPOV” blowjob videos where, instead of it being from the male perspective looking down at someone sucking his dick, you get the girl’s perspective. Which means I get to watch the dick enter in and out of ‘my’ mouth. A front row seat to a big, sloppy blowjob.
I put my headphones on so I can get the real experience. Following the girl on screen as she moves back and forth over the big, black dick.
“You’re such a good little cocksucker!” a woman’s voice says.
Oh! This one has a voiceover. Someone degrading me and instructing me while I suck a dick? Yes please.
“Take it in your mouth! Deeper…deeper…”
I rub the front of my diaper, feeling my absolutely throbbing cock even through the pissy padding. ‘MMmphhing’ all over the dick in my mouth, making sure to keep it nice and wet.
“This is your purpose…this is what you were made for…”
I suck and slurp, the diaper crinkles and shifts. This is so hot!
“Men are going to use you…fuck your little whore mouth for their pleasure…”
“You are meant to worship perfect, huge, juicy cock!”
“Suck him sissy! Suck him faster!”
I moan with the rubber dick in my mouth as I follow the voice’s instructions. The woman on screen was ‘mmming’ and ‘mmmphing’, but I was doing it louder. She spat on the dick, so did I. She stroked it with her saliva. So did I.
“Do you feel like a little slut for him?”
I do.
“His little mouth whore?”
Yessss.
“He’s going to use your lips like a fleshlight.”
Whatever you sayy.
“You want his cum so fucking bad don’t you??”
The girl on the screen was moaning desperately, hungrily. Oh wait…that’s me.
“He’s going to cum! He’s going to cum!”
Oh god…I’m gonna cum. I need to stop–oh! Oh no…
I curse myself as I feel my body start to spasm. A new warmth fills the inside of my diaper. I can feel all my horniness leaving with it.
No! Not yet!! I whine at no one in particular. I had a whole day planned…and now it’s ruined.
I hate how easily it tends to happen. I can��t get far into my regime at all without immediately blowing it….literally.
I feel like crying, but I don’t want my mascara to run. The plug immediately loses all of its appeal. I huff and puff as I rip the tapes of the diaper off, seeing my immense and gooey load making strings when the front flap flops open. I sit up a bit and yank the plug out a little harder than I intended, tossing it across the room.
Plopping myself back down, the diaper feels cool and clammy now. Still, I reason, there’s no sense in wasting it, diapers are expensive, and the good thing about these BunnyHopps is they have the hook and loop tapes, which means I can put it right back on…even if it’s not nearly as fun now.
I check through the window again to make sure Max’s car isn’t out front before I head into the kitchen to make something to eat. I bring it back to my room, closing the door, and then closing it again after it doesn’t stay shut.
Firing up my rig, I pull up League of Legends and start playing a few matches. I feel like one of those E-girls, dressing kind of skimpy and playing video games for boys’ attention. I don’t even have to get up to pee between matches, just get to release it all into my diaper. This is the life.
At around 2 o’clock, I feel the urge to use the bathroom in a different way. I sigh, knowing it’s the end of my diaper time. I head to the restroom to do my business, but stop before I get to the door.
Actually, why don’t I just do it right here? Right now? After all, I am in a diaper. I don’t usually mess because Max is always here, but I have the house all to myself, and this diaper is on its last leg anyway. Why not? I’m allowed to treat myself, even if it's probably the weirdest way one would do so.
I’ve always found it a bit awkward to poop in a diaper. How does one do it? Do you stand? Surely not. Do you sit? That seems messy, but I guess that’s kinda the point…I decide to squat down and handle it that way.
It doesn’t happen immediately. I sit there awkwardly thinking about what someone would say if they saw me in this position.
“D’awwww!! Is the wittle baby making a pushy poo?? Hmm? Are joo making a big ‘ole mess for Mommy?”
The thought of that gives me a stirring in a different part of my diaper. I imagine myself surrounded by a group of beautiful women, forced to dirty my diaper in front of them while they all point and laugh.
“Stinky poo! Stinky poo! Now you’re going doo doo!!”
“Suck your thumb, loser!!”
I put my thumb in my mouth. I suck it while I grunt and push.
“A grown man dumping in a DIAPER!”
“Man? Looks like a sissy slut to me!”
I can actually see myself blushing in the mirror while the diaper sags under the weight of my warm mush that’s filling it.
“He did it! He did it!” the imaginary girls clap.
I can see my penis poking through the pampers.
“And he LIKED it!”
“Show us how much you like it, loser!”
“Sit in your stinky seat!!”
I sit back on my butt and feel the mush spread inside. It’s sickening and feels yucky, but the girls love it.
“Bouncy bouncy baby!!”
I bounce on the floor, squishing the mess even more, sucking my thumb and making pathetic little noises as I slip into little space.
“Goo goo ga ga sissy girl!!”
I’m drooling on my thumb while the other is rubbing the front of my mushy diaper. I’m glad Max isn’t home to hear the ridiculous sounds I'm making.
“I think he wants to MAKE a goo goo in his diapy!” The girls all laugh. Emma Watson, Kate Beckinsale, Natalie Portman, they’re all here. “On the floor! It’s time for dumpy humpies!!”
Someone also tells me to get my ‘big boi binky’. I grab the dildo off my desk and put it on the floor in front of me.
“Sucky sucky while you fucky fucky!!”
I’m a mess in every sense of the word. Drooling all over the dick, wiggling back and forth in my defiled diaper, grinding against the ground, skirt, hair, make-up all disheveled.
The girls are clapping their hands and chanting. Goo GOO! Goo GOO! Goo GOO!
It feels so good, being a dirty little diaper bitch…I’m gonna…I’m gonna…
Beep!
Panic. Was that a car horn? No, a truck horn. Max’s truck. The sound it makes when it’s locking. He’s here.
I rush to the window, my destroyed diaper plopping side to side with every step. I peek through the blinds again, scanning the yard.
Nothing. No one in the driveway, no sign of Max.
Another sigh of relief. It’s hard to enjoy myself when I’m constantly on edge that I'll be caught. Sure, I’m in my room, but the stench alone could probably alert the neighbors. I check to see if I even came.
Oh…yea..definitely did. But I don’t remember the orgasm. Shame. I’m overcome with shame and disgust again, and now I’m walking around in my own filth.
I carefully remove the diaper, trying to make sure the defecation doesn’t get on my skirt. In hindsight, I should have removed the skirt before opening the diaper, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. Now I've got a literal mess on my hands. I use one of my palms to cradle the diaper while using my other hand to keep my skirt from sticking to the filth on my backside. I carefully place the diaper down so I can use both of my hands to unzip my skirt safely and take it ,and my crop top, off, tossing them both out of harm’s way.
Now I have other shit to deal with. I carefully roll up the diaper and tape the biohazard up into a ball. The thing is massive and plump, but still has its pinkish hue. I want to take it out to the dumpster, but being naked with a muddy butt isn’t exactly the right attire to do so.
This is why I don’t make messy diapers. I’m so bad at dealing with the cleanup.
I decide to set it all down and go take a shower. I make sure to close my door behind me, and step across the hall into the bathroom. The warm water feels good on my clammy skin. I use the sprayer to hose the filth off my bum, finally feeling clean again. I put the nozzle back in its holster above, but it falls with a loud clunk. But even after I caught it, the sound persisted.
Someone was at the front door.
Not knocking. They just…walked in. I could tell by the clatter the screendoor makes when it shuts too hard, another thing I was supposed to fix…
Is that Max? Or is someone breaking in? Max shouldn’t be off of work yet, it’s only 3, and he always works until at least 5.
I listen to the footfalls, turning the water off so I can get a better listen. The steps are hard, like those of work boots. Max’s boots. They stomp down the hallway past the bathroom I’m in, past my door, and then to his.
I shut my door, right?
Yes. I did. I made sure of it.
But what if he smells my disgusting diaper?
In a bit of a panic, I hop out of the shower, grab a towel, and make my way out into the hall.
“Hey,” I say, unable to keep the panic from my voice.
Max turns, a weird look on his face, “Hey.” he replies.
“You’re home early.” I say, sounding like an unfaithful housewife.
He scratches his beard and sighs, “Yea, the guys got what they needed done and we should be good to pass inspection tomorrow so I sent ‘em home.”
“Oh, okay, cool.” It was awkward. We’ve lived together for almost two years now and it’s never been this awkward. Probably because I’m making it awkward.
“Well, I’m gonna go take a nap.” He rubbed his eyes, maybe a little too much.
“Alright then, see ya later.”
“Later.”
He went into his room and closed the door behind him. I hurried to mine, reaching for the handle.
But it wasn’t there. The door was open. Wide open. And all my stuff was splayed across it in full, easy view. The skimpy skirt, the crop top with the word ‘SISSY’ plastered across it, a realistic dildo with my drool still dripping down it and, right in the center of the floor, my big giant disgusting diaper.
…Is there any chance he didn’t see all of that?
To Be Continued
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mental health check-in for reality shifting.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
as we all know, reality shifting is generally neural thing but tends to be glorified & romanized by a select few due to people wanting to have a better situation or a more desirable life.
that in itself is totally fine but this post is created with the intent to make sure the community has a healthy relationship with shifting & if not possible solutions.
if mental health is left unchecked it can lead to destructive behaviors & can worsen preexisting mental health concerns. for me personally, that’s not what shifting is about. you can learn about yourself & grow without even shifting. the expansion of your perspective & becoming more empathetic to yourself is something i believe is extremely important.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
♡ how often do you think about shifting ?
while it’s fun to daydream & think about your desired reality — does it consume your life or take away from other tasks that need to get done in this reality? if you’re somebody who has maladaptive daydreaming disorder (like myself!) it can exacerbate the fantasy-like aspect of thinking about shifting.
if you’re someone whose mind wanders a lot do something productive. this could be finishing some homework that you’ve been putting off for a long time or rearranging your bedroom. stuff like partaking in hobbies while listening to youtube videos in the background may help too.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
♡ why are you shifting ?
is it because you’re searching for something bigger ? maybe you’re looking for friends ? while you probably aren’t going to be able to meet your favorite characters here, you can meet lots of other people & make new connections at anytime. if it’s in person or even if it’s in an online space , i bet there are lots of people in this comment section or any shifting video who would love to be your friend.
defining why you want to shift can do wonders for uncovering more about yourself. 90% of the things people want to shift for are & can be found here & you’re more then worthy of them. just because you want something like love or a sense of belonging doesn’t mean you have to travel the multiverse for it.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
♡ “i want to k!ll myself because i can’t shift.”
while i understand frustration, extremes that result in life altering & ending choices are never good and quite frankly, frightening for a creator to see in their comment sections. most sv!c!des are committed on impulse. we go through so many emotions on the daily & process so much information a day. taking a moment alone to think & break down thought process & long term effects your actions will have is a nice way to come back down to earth.
meditation is also a great tool to calm down. you can even use shifting guided meditations without the actual intention to shift. breath work has also been helpful to me.
i understand these suggestions aren’t long term fixes but if you’re someone who has echoed these words & truly meant it then i cannot recommend therapy & possible taking a break from shifting even more to focus on yourself right here where you are. this may not be the answer you’d like to hear but it’s the one that is possibly needed.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
♡ timing.
there is no specific time frame that you have to shift. both children & adults do hold the capability to shift. if someone tells you, you can’t shift because ___ or that you’ll age out of something its simply not true. things take time & it’s okay if your journey doesn’t look like everyone else’s. there’s no need to stress yourself out. try to enjoy the journey as well as being excited for the outcome. essentially, a large part of the shifting journey is meditation & affirmations which are both beneficial to your mental & physical self. try to sprinkle in some self love affirmations or general positive thoughts too. even if you need to take a step away from shifting & pick it up at a later date, i encourage you to do so if it’s stressing you out or you’re only focusing on shifting or neglecting your life / responsibilities here.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
♡ shadow & trauma work.
answering questions that are meant to make you think & deeply reflect are tools that hi light some issues you may not even realize you’ve had. i have a tumblr post here with some, but for tiktok, ill list some on the next side. these ones are specifically for shifting but i encourage you to venture out to discover some more personal ones to expand upon your answers to these.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
i should also mention, i’m not a therapist so take what i say as non-professional advice & mere suggestions & a starting point to truly expand what shifting has done for you, negatively & positivity. im a huge advocate for therapy & if you feel comfortable enough expand upon these conversations in sessions if you feel comfortable.
i understand my audience is varied in age but i do notice a lot of you are younger then myself. it’s hurts to see people who are so young stress themselves out this much over trying to shift. i really do care about you & want to see all of you happy — with or without shifting.
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.
#reality shifting#desired reality#shifting#shiftblr#shiftok#shifting motivation#shifting realities#shifter
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Honest thoughts on Alicent Hightower?
I have a lot of empathy for women like Alicent Hightower. I know and love quite a few women like her, with similar experiences, and fears, and who make similar decisions.
Some women who align with the system that is oppressing them do so due to their inability to envision the possibility of freedom. Therefore, they opt to join the oppressive system in the hope of gaining some power from it. They sacrifice their dreams to the patriarchy and more often than not, they're fine with this exchange because they can wield power as wives, as mothers and less commonly as daughters.
Which is understandable, sad but understandable.
It is a miserable existence, and they feel resentment when they see other women who do not want to conform to the narrow lane that patriarchy (especially African patriarchy) designates for us. They become bitter and resentful, but they never direct that bitterness towards the men who are oppressing them. They direct their bitterness towards the women in their lives, bucking patriarchal oppression as best they can, instead of the men who are actively oppressing them.
It makes them very dangerous. Women whose entire identity is tied to the men in their lives will gladly set you on fire to keep a man, any man, warm. They'll rarely encourage men to hurt you explicitly, but they'll cheer when they do. They'll tell you that being hurt by the patriarchy is the price that you have paid for stepping out of line. For daring to aspire to more than three predetermined roles that women are destined for.
My whole life has been balancing my love and my anger at the patriarchy princesses in my life. How do you love someone who is in community with people who want you dead? In my experience, painfully and from a distance.
#Adore asks like these#and I tried to answer this as best as I could.#It really made me think about her in a way that I haven't in months#although it became less about her and more a rumination on the women in my life#feel like I should add that this is an exploration of show Alicent only#book Alicent is a completely different beast and maybe one day#I'll write about her#house of the dragon#Alicent Hightower
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𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞
Law uses one of his devil fruit abilities to keep you quiet while you two are being intimate.
originally posted on Mar 23, 2023
Please note that this is an old work and isn't representative of my current writing skills!
You’ve grown restless; it’s late, and you’ve been sitting on the library’s couch for what felt like years, doing literally anything to distract yourself from dying of boredom.
Law was just the type to not give up on his work. And as much as you hated interrupting him, you hated sleeping alone just as much; if not more.
He had many books spread out on the table, you figured they were medical ones as you hadn’t really paid attention. Law had a couple journals out, leaning his head on his fist with his left arm as he wrote down notes with the right, a sour expression on his face.
Laying on the couch, your feet dangling over the edge as you kept looking to the clock on the wall, hoping time would just move faster for once. But it never did, and you’d had enough of waiting around.
Groaning, you sit up so that you can see Law, “how much longer? I’m so bored…”
“If you’re really that bored, you should go join the rest of the crew with their childish drinking games…”
“No,” you whined, “I want you.”
“Me?” Law echoed, not looking away from his work.
“I want your attention,” you clarified. “I’m deprived of your love.”
“Really? Maybe you should find someone better then.”
“Law!” You snapped, pulling your legs back and crossing them and your arms with a pout, “is it so hard to cuddle me for just one evening?!”
Your boyfriend sighed, finally moving to face you. “Come ‘ere.”
With a smile, you leaped from the couch and wasted no time planting yourself in Law’s lap, wrapping your arms around him.
“My attention, huh?”
“Mmhm,” you confirmed, “any positive attention… maybe even some more intimate attention.”
“Ohh, now I understand. You wanna get fucked, don’t you?” Law smirked.
You shyly nodded, burying your face in Law’s neck. “Please, Law?”
“Fine,” he sighed, “give me a few more minutes, though. In the meantime, you can ride my thigh, how’s that sound?”
You whimpered at the suggestion, but immediately moved to try and get your shorts off from within his lap. After a moment of struggling, you got them off. You scooted over to sit on his left thigh, holding it tightly between your legs.
Just barely raising your hips, you pushed them down to grind your panty-covered cunt onto his jeans. Your movements were short, but your desperation got the better of you as you moved quickly.
“You’re so pathetic,” Law commented, only watching you for a second. “So needy that you’d fuck my thigh.”
Small noises of pleasure began falling from your lips, your hands gripping his shirt harder as you kept up your movements. You could feel the roughness of his jeans grinding up to your clit, feeling as though that alone would make you cum.
“You’d better not make a mess on my jeans,” Law warned, continuing his work.
But you ignored him, grinding harder and slowing your movements just a bit to feel him more. Your quiet noises turned to breathy moans, getting yourself so worked up you felt the signs of being close to orgasming.
With a loud moan, you came on his thigh, pushing your cunt into him as hard as possible.
“Look what you did,” Law taunted you, “soaked my jeans just after I told you not to.”
“I’m sorry,” you whined, body shaking as you held onto him, “I can’t help it…”
“So pathetic,” he rolled his eyes. “I’ll have to punish you for that.”
The thought alone had you whining, grinding on his thigh again. But before you could go any further, Law picked you up by your waist, shoving the books on the table away and placing you on top.
Now lying on your back, you looked up and watched Law yank your panties off, tossing them to the floor. As one of his hands fumbled with his jeans, the other delivered a smack to your pussy, causing you to cry out.
“Shhh. You don’t want the crew hearing, so you?”
You shook your head, but couldn’t hold back the next cry as he slapped your cunt again. You knew he’d be more rough if you kept ignoring him, but it felt so damn good; and this was the attention you’d been seeking all along, anyway.
Without warning, two of Law’s fingers plunged into you, fingering you fastly with no remorse.
“L-Law!” You shrieked, tossing your head around as you continued letting lewd noises slip.
“You just don’t learn, do you?” Law asked, removing his fingers, only to replace them with his hardened cock.
Another shriek left your lips, hands flying to grip at the ends of the table. Law harshly grabbed your hips, pulling them toward himself as he began thrusting into you. It was impossible to keep quiet when he was being so rough, especially since you were already sensitive from the first time you’d cum.
“Oh my god, Law,” you whined, “please- ohh.”
Law let out a couple grunts as he continued slamming into you, accompanied by the noises of his skin slapping yours each time they met.
“Since you can’t keep quiet,” Law growled into your ear, “r- fuck, room.”
The light tint of blue surrounded you, creating an orb around the both of you. You briefly wondered what he was trying to do, but you sooner realized.
One of Law’s hands moved atop your cunt, driving his finger into your clit, rubbing against it and spitting onto your cunt to wet it more, allowing him to slide his thumb over it with more haste.
You opened your mouth to scream, but no sounds came out. It didn’t matter how hard you tried, screaming so loud your throat began to hurt. He’d silenced you with his devil fruit powers.
“Look what I had to do, just to make you shut up,” he spat, relentlessly fucking into you while grinding his thumb into your clit.
You raised your hips up, feeling close to another orgasm from everything happening; Law’s act of being mean and dominating, how physically rough he was being on your body, and now from the only noises you could hear: wet squelching, skin slapping against skin as Law’s thighs smacked into your ass with every thrust into your cunt, and Law’s noises of pleasure that were typically drowned out by your own moans.
He sounded pathetic now, moaning over your silent body, holding onto you with an intense grip as he lost control. Focusing on nothing but the feeling of chasing his own orgasm, using you to get off.
You tried moaning his name, and still nothing came from your lips.
Your body began to tremble as you reached another orgasm, your cunt spasming around his cock as your juices spilled from your wet cunt.
“Fuck, quit clenching on me… you trying to suck the cum from me, hm?”
Again, your mouth flew open to let out a guttural, animalistic moan, but it was pointless. You were completely silenced.
A moment later of Law continuing to abuse your cunt, his hips stuttered in movement as he began cumming, pulling his cock out and spilling all of his warm seed onto your belly.
Then the blue hue of his room disappeared, and you could finally hear yourself again as you panted, trying to catch your breath.
“Now I gotta clean you up,” Law huffed, still leaning over your body, only his body was much more limp now as he’d exhausted himself.
Slowly, he pushed himself up and away from you, putting himself away into his jeans.
“I’ll have to go get a towel or something. Stay there and don’t make a damn sound. I don’t need anyone coming in here and seeing you like this,” Law said, walking away from your hot mess of a body.
You didn’t have the strength to get yourself down from the table, so you chose to listen to Law’s words and stay there. He returned a moment later, face red in embarrassment.
He spread your legs apart to wipe off your cunt, and then your stomach.
“Why do you look so upset?” You asked, fearing you’d done something wrong somehow.
“Guess who heard you screaming before I could silence you?”
Then your face turned red, and you covered yourself with your hands in embarrassment. “They all heard me?”
“Not sure. But they certainly gave me shit for the stain on my thigh,” Law sighed, turning away to pick your panties off the floor before sliding them back onto you.
Now you were terrified about facing your crewmates. But you’d have to worry about that later, because right now; you were fucking tired. You simply wanted to sleep now.
“Law? Can you carry me to bed?”
“I’m not leaving this room until I know they’ve all gone to sleep,” he denied.
“Ugh, then the couch? Please, I’m so tired, baby…”
Giving in, Law tossed the towel away and lifted you into his arms, carrying you over to the couch you’d been sitting so bored on not too long ago. He gave you a sweet kiss just before placing you down.
“I wasn’t too rough, right?” He asked, concern evident in his tone as he looked you over, searching your face for any signs of discomfort.
You tiredly shook your head, “no… I liked it.”
Law nodded, kissing you one more time before walking away, getting back to his work.
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Some Elf!Tav who knew Astarion before he turned. Usage of they/them/theirs to keep it gn, no descriptions of Tav beyond implied pointy ears bc elf…
this is long af btw. And apologies for weird grammar/spelling.
Tav who knew Astarion two centuries ago. They were both part of minor noble households, both houses fading out of existence after the Spellplague, and were more obligatory friends than anything because of all of that. Tav who soon becomes the only member of her household and no one left to Astarion’s. Tav who enters their adult years alone (Astarion isn’t alone for his, of course, but he doesn’t notice when his 110th birthday hits; plus in most ways he is alone).
Tav who gets kidnapped and upon their first meeting after the Nautiloid crash doesn’t recognize Astarion, but he doesn’t recognize them either. Astarion isn’t incredibly common of a name but it’s also not uncommon enough to alert Tav that it’s the Astarion Ancunín she knew as a child. It isn’t until that night when Tav is staring at him across the fire do they start to realize who is sitting across from them.
Tav who doesn’t say anything for a few days - worried they just took too hard of a hit from the crash. That it’s just a misunderstanding on their behalf. Astarion died. They visited his grave out of respect a few times. The Ancunín line died soon after he did. They saw it happen. They were there. They visited his parents, out of obligation of course, and comforted them awkwardly. Their only child gone.
Tav who continues to deny the truth, until Astarion tries to bite them. Well, a few nights after he first bites them, when he begins to open up. The puzzle pieces begin to fit together now that they have more.
Tav who starts off the subject with a “I’m about to sound crazy” and Astarion rolling his eyes and also retorting that he doesn’t want to hear it.
Tav who asks if he is of the family Ancunín, which he has not heard spoken since those 200 years ago. Astarion’s defenses raise immediately and he demands to know where you heard such a thing.
Tav who explains who they are. That they are of a family Astarion once knew well. It takes Astarion a few minutes to understand what they are saying - and if it is even true. He can’t remember his own eye color, how could he possibly remember a person he only befriended out of obligation.
Tav who helps jog his memory with little stories - the times he knocked over an expensive vase in some other nobles house, the time they slammed face first into a door, the time they were both caught sneaking extra desserts. “Treacle tarts,” Tav had chuckled.
Tav who watches as he has the faintest glint of recognition in his eyes. Astarion gasps quietly, before letting out a quiet “you used to have a green bracelet you wore everywhere. Your eldest sister gave it to you for your 10th birthday. Whatever happened to it?”
Tav who pulls out the broken bracelet from their pants pocket. It had broken many, many years ago so they repurposed it into more of a lucky keepsake that could be attached to a belt.
Tav who treats Astarion like they were never apart. They are still incredibly of his boundaries and unusually perceptive to his discomfort, but Astarion practically begs them to keep going sometimes. Leaning their head against him while retelling a memory Astarion long forgot may be uncomfortable for him, but he wants to sit through it.
Tav who tearfully explains what has happened to both their families since he died. How they are both the last ones left. How she went through most of her life alone. But tries to brush it off in comparison to Astarion’s abuse, only for Astarion to remind them that loneliness is loneliness. Fear is fear. Isolation is isolation. It doesn’t matter how it came to be.
Tav who tries desperately to hold out on any romantic advances. It wasn’t hard for them to figure out that Astarion had been used and abused for far worse purposes than he initially let on. They can tell the idea of intimacy makes him quiver with anxiety even if he hides it well. He’s had the same tell for over 200 years. So it’s mostly gentle touches and playful shoves and
Tav who finds themselves being kissed by a desperate Astarion, both still covered in blood - Cazador’s blood - just outside their room at the Elfsong. Everyone else has gone in and Astarion yanked them back and spun them into a kiss.
Tav who worries over him immediately. Something must be wrong with Astarion. Or a surge of post battle high has him out of his right mind. But Astarion explains through barely held back tears that he is finally free. That for the first time ever, even before he was turned, he feels in charge of himself completely. And as long as they want him, he wants them. And he wants to have sex with them as his first real act of freedom. He feels safe with them. He feels at home with them. He feels like he can use his body for what he wants - and he wants them.
Tav who agrees. They’ve spent the past few months falling more and more in love with Astarion. As long as Astarion is truly okay with it, which is confirmed by the little tadpole squirming in their brains, then they are okay with it.
Tav who, after the brain is defeated, doesn’t even know where to start with the rest of their life (beyond following Astarion as the sun burns him). All they know, and all Astarion knows, is that they both want to spend it together.
#inspired by astarions original backgrounds#including noble and courtesan at points#bg3#astarion x tav#astarion x gn! reader#astarion x gn!tav#x tav#x gn!tav#also imagine tav as a draconic sorcerer and thats why their family started falling#but obvi anything works really#astarion ancunin#ill add more that is more specific to the specific tav im referring to#but this is a blank one for people to interpret/add on to!!
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hi! I've been reading through your blog and you seem to give decent advice, so I figured I'd try my luck at something that's been annoying me recently.
So to start, I'm 17ftm (no testosterone), I have had many mental health struggles on the past 5 years and my parents don't really trust me or take me seriously. And I have never had sex with a penis haver so no possibility of pregnancy at any point.
Okay so my problem is that I never get consistent periods and almost always skip more than a month in between. They actually started pretty consistent when I was 13 but became extremely irregular after I gained a lot of unexpected weight (I was on a high dose of antipsycotics which I believe caused this). I skipped 6 months when I was 14. Since my parents don't take me seriously, they kind of softly assume I'm exaggerating or just not counting the days right ever time I bring it up and it made me so frustrated that last year I finally got a period tracker and committed to filling it out daily. I finally decided to go back and check how long it's been because I felt like it had been forever since I actually bled and uh. Guess what I was right 😬
Since the new year, I logged myself as "spotting" on February 7th and January 22. I marked myself down as "light bleeding" on the 18th. Every other day this year there has been no bleeding. Is this abnormal??? My mom keeps saying things like "I skip months all the time" but it's just really unsettling me I feel like something's wrong. I've also had period-like cramps a few times since the year began and at one point they got really bad, like a 7/10 but again I haven't bled even a little bit except those three days I just want to know I'm not being unreasonable.
I do plan to talk to my doctor, my dad set an appointment for next week (I didn't tell him what it was for & he didn't ask which was nice) but while my GP is usually pretty good I'm worried she'll dismiss me like my mom always does & I'm worried I'll phrase something wrong or not describe things correctly. (I have the kind of autism that gives me psychic damage when people don't understand me hence the multiple paragraphs to explain a fairly simple issue... Sorry about that btw)
Thanks for your time and I hope I wasn't too annoying🪻
hi anon,
irregular periods are pretty typical when you first begin menstruating, but the fact that they haven't leveled out by now could definitely be indicative of some kind of complication in your reproductive system that's definitely best to know about sooner rather than later. I'm sorry your parents have been dismissive of you, but if your GP is generally reasonable I'm sure she'll understand why you're concerned; missing your period for months at a time definitely falls into what's considered irregular and warrants further investigation, and it sounds like you've been documenting your experiences enough to back up that that's the case.
I hope everything goes well and you can find some answers <3
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Genuine question about poly (I've been thinking about whether it's something I'd want to try, with me being ace it's probably my best option for finding a partner-) how do you compromise when it comes to bigger life decisions? Unless you're in a triad or a bigger sort of "closed circle" polycule, and you compromise among each other (which also seems more difficult tbh), to me it seems like poly relationships are like a web that contains many many people because you're dating three people, they're dating a few other people, and so on. So either you have primary relationships where you prioritize each other and don't mind leaving the other ones behind (which seems a bit idk. I would not be the primary relationship because I won't have sex and ace men are very rare from the surveys I've seen. A lifetime of being in the periphery doesn't seem desireable to me.) Or you act as an individual agent and basically have to break up with everyone if you ever want to move which seems horrific and like a massive commitment. I guess you could do long distance but I don't see long distance working if your partner has other partners they can interact with normally..
I mean. There's no one answer here. You're making a lot of assumptions (which may be but are not always true) so let's break this down bit my bit. Buckle up 💺we got stuff to discuss
But if you want a TL;DR: How do you make that decision in a monog relationship if Partner A wants to leave but Partner B has family here? Well, there's a lot of discussion and someone has to compromise on something. How it shakes out will depend on the people and the specific situation.
"the poly web🕸️" While a polycule can spiral into something huge via the "everyone has three partners" principle, its also possible it stays pretty small. Not everyone in a polycule will want to date someone else, not everyone who wants to date someone else will be able to find someone else to date, etc etc. Small polycules are common in practice.
"aces ♠️won't be the 'primary partner'" I respect you hedging your expectations and understand the reasoning there, but the poly community is pretty open to weird relationship dynamics. You could be the "primary" and your partner could have a couple other relationships to get sexual needs met. You could join an ace polycule. Your partner could have you and one other person and see you both as equal.
"Moving💼 means taking or leaving everyone -- or prioritizing" I... I guess it could? But if you know you're wanting to move far away, you're probably discussing that quite a while in advance, and then only dating people who are okay with things being short term or moving with you. Or a lot of poly relationships are already long distance, so one person moving makes very little difference! There's a lot of options there, which leads to point 4
"Long distance✈️ can't work if your partner has local partners" LDRs in poly relationships are common. I honestly see it as easier because you can have your physical needs met by someone else
"A lifetime of being in the periphery🥈" you're never locked down. If you're not getting what you need from ANY relationship, I hope you're negotiating about it or leaving. If being poly only works for you if you're the primary, but your partner can fuck whoever, you wouldn't be the first. Even if you don't want to impose those rules, there are options, and your partner should be working to make you happy. It can be a hell of a learning curve sometimes, I admit, but you can find a weird way of being that works for everyone. Or you can leave! Or they could leave you for unrelated reasons! Or maybe they go to prison for embezzlement and that sort of ends the relationship for you! All sorts of shit could come up.
"this is a poly problem" Bestie. Do you know how many movies have been made on the premise of "my spouse got a job offer far away but I don't want to move"? This is something that could happen in any relationship. I'm not saying having other people involved wouldn't be a variable in the equation, but your relationship with your partner is no different from a monogamous one in this aspect. How that decision gets made is the same to me as how it would get made in a monog relationship where one person has family they don't want to leave. Maybe you do split up, maybe you try long distance, maybe partner A decides not to move, maybe partner B decides they're willing to move with them after all (and then subsequent partners make the same choice). And its not perfect in any of these options, in fact it probably really fucking sucks. But life is messy. This shit happens.
And like, you don't have to try polyamory. There are asexual people out there you could meet and love. There are allosexual people out there who would be willing to give that up to be with you. You could do an open relationship situation where your partner doesn't "date" anyone else, but can still sleep around. Or you can join an asexual polycule!
So how do major life choices get decided in a polycule? The same way major life decisions get made anywhere. Hopefully, everyone says their peace and gets to weigh in. Hopefully the life goals align. Failing that, hopefully there's a compromise that's acceptable to everyone, but maybe there isn't and it forces a break up (or 6). Maybe some break up but not everyone, like so:
Or some of the relationships turn into long distance or whatever. Man there's too many variables. Some people view things as hierarchical and some don't. Some people don't but functionally have only been dating one person for 4 months so they're easier to leave -- or know they cannot live with another person because they're too disorganized so going long distance is fine. You don't know until you're there. I'm losing the thread, but you know what I'm saying.
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Obsessed with the dynamic (not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third thing--both and yet neither) between two characters who knew and cared about each deeply years ago when they were both younger and life was much less complicated.
But then, tragic, transformative circumstances separated them. Assuming that this separation was certainly permanent, because how could it not be?
And yet, somehow finding each other again years later, and sometimes they aren't sure whether the reunion that they once longed for with every fiber of their beings is a blessing, a curse, a joke, or a punishment.
Because they've both changed in the intervening years--largely because of the hellish circumstances that caused their separation. They've both changed completely and irrevocably, even if one of them has changed much more noticeably and dramatically than the other to the point of seeming a complete stranger. It is about leaning to see and appreciate all the things that have changed about the other and all the things that have not changed. It's about learning to reconcile beloved, often rose-tinted memories with the complex, yet-equally-compelling reality of the person those memories are about.
#it's the very particular sensation of loving someone who is both recognizably your beloved childhood partner-in-mischief#while also being someone so different (physically; mentally; and/or emotionally) that you can scarcely see their past self in them#and knowing the feeling is mutual#and also knowing that the only person who can truly understand the full extent of the change in you is each other#because their transformation is linked to your own#forged in and through the unique experiences that you shared and the way you were separated#it's the idealized adoration of youthful playmates/pseudo-siblings#transforming into a very different but no less powerful connection in adulthood#that's what really gets me#it's just#*chefs kiss*#estabalena#nahyupollo#jaydick#anyway this post is specifically about estabalena and jaydick#and to a lesser extent apollo/nahyuta#but it doesn't really matter if people tag and respond with other ships#even the narumitsus provided they recognize that not every post was made for them#it goes double for jaydick and estabalena tho since they each have two (2) shared formative and transformative experiences#that few (if any) others can possibly understand#for estabalena; it's the 41 years of suffering in the dark times and the crystal well magic flowing through ones veins#for jaydick; it's the experience of being "Robin' and feeling that the role and all it means was ripped from you too soon#and then it's the experience of dying and your family failing to welcome you back with open arms#because you didn't come back 'right' or quick enough#and that you 'chose' to stay away rather than circumstances forcing the issue#apollo/nahyuta also has the jaydick parallels in terms of bruce and dhurke#it's recognizing that your very human shared father figure failed you in many ways#even as he simultaneously saved you in others#he made you both the best version of yourself while also creating or enabling all of your worst tendencies#just
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Hey y’all! Do you know of any good sites to learn non-baby ASL for phrases like can I pet your dog, are you okay, do you need help, please help me, or other things like that?
Mostly I just want to be able to communicate with one of my neighbors in an emergency, but also she walks her dogs around the neighborhood and they are adorable and I really want to be able to ask if I can pet them, but googling it is just getting me baby ASL tutorial videos and idk if that’s the same
#the person behind the yarn#ideally I want to learn all those phrases and any other important emergency phrases in every language spoken in my neighborhood#having to evacuate from fires back in california kinda instilled in me a like...you MUST be able to communicate with the community#and you MUST be able to get out in case of an emergency#and I can't drive. so I guess I should also learn#please help I can't drive so I can't evacuate or something like that#my neighbor's parents are long term visiting from India and do not speak like any English at all#so I also want to learn phrases like this (except maybe the can I pet your dog one) in a language they do understand#but idk which one that is yet. I only talked to that neighbor once but I've had a few charades conversations with his dad#nice dude! but I know there are multiple languages it could be and I want to get it right#is this all overkill: probably yet. Would it be better to pick one language and learn it fluently so I could really talk to that neighbor:#possibly! but idk if I can#I do think I can learn helpful emergency phrases in several languages though
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Idk if it's having been stressed for months now or just a really bad few weeks recently but I'm about to lose in in this lecture, I already barely understand anything because I thought it'd be a good idea for me with my "best I can do is basic math" brain to take like, chemistry/biology/materials sciences and nano sciences/pharmacy law classes, and now there's somehow people constantly whispering in that really annoying way that makes it impossible to ignore it and doing whatever on their phones with their screens turned up to 300% brightness and whispering more and the lecture screens are so very bright and it might just be collected overstimulation but it makes me want to commit crimes and run away
#yeah i did not think this through past 'i'll be able to go on erasmus for sure :) so i have to take classes that don't last the whole#semster - what sounds even vaguely interesting? ah yes all these science classes even though i was never good at understanding science :)'#genuinely idk how or if i'll pass any of these classes#i had a talk with a teacher i like yesterday about possibly dropping out and she showed me a few options#that i will not look into this weekend because I'll be traveling to and back from the other uni i'm taking a class at#but maybe sunday. maybe sunday.#don't mind me i'M just venting again#the teacher of this lecture is nice and doesn't just read his lecture off his notes but i can still only focus for half a minute#and law for pharmacists is actually probably the most interesting of the classes i'M taking outside my studies this semester and yet#upset rant posts#mine#if those two don't stop whispering every five minutes I'll be arrested for murder
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the harry styles queerbaiting allegation got a sainthoax post it’s over
#hfghfhgh i can't even escape it#i can't imagine how he feels about this#i hope from what he's been saying that he's learned to know that only a few people matter#alsoo i do not understand the marketed to lgbtq fanbase#bitch where#more like marketed in spite of his stright fanbase#if you mean the 2 vague talk about his sexuality and fashio choices are to go by#most queer harry fans are those who think he's queer#the other queers are clearly not a fan of him because they're the one screaming about it#i say it again#harry styles doesn't owe you any explication about his sexuality or the way he acts or dress even if all his public life was real#because he's a person#you'd be seeing post being like:#yes you should never accue a person of queerbating because each has his own tragectory but harry styles etc etc#i understand hearing the same thing over and over from him when you don't care about him can make it questionable#but you owe him the respect of minding your own business just for the 1% possibility for it to be smtg there
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I finally figured out what I want to do with the imposter wind waker for TBABS.
#So the only reason this character stands out to me so much recently is because I finally understand some of the WW lore#I have never physically played#or looked at any playthroughs of WW#The first couple of times I played PH I just thought the imposter WW was a random dude#I made absolutely no connection between him- his boat- or anything he said as something that would bother Link#BUT NOW?!#Now I can ONLY see how fucked up it is that Link has to see this grown man pretend to be him#Riding around on a fake KoRL#Taunting him in a way by pretending to be him#But never knowing the true extent of trauma and all the shit that Link had/has to go through#And in terms of TBABS#Linebeck already doesn't believe him AND this asshole is pretending to be him?#No#Link would absolutely not let that fly#I've wanted to add that beef for a while but now I finally know where to put it#I also believe that Link would take every opportunity he could to try to beat the shit out of this guy#Especially since the first couple of times you do it- the imposter makes you think he's super weak by only taking a few hits at a time#I think once he opened up to letting you strike him more often#Link would be all over that#Trying to get as high a score as possible- and definitely overexerting himself in the process#Making him more than a bit sore and winded- in other words- vulnerable to people who do not pull their punches#I can already tell that chapter will be very fun to write- especially since Linebeck will be having his own#Separate mental breakdown later in the chapter#And especially in the immediate chapter that follows
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Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.
Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:
She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.
She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.
Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.
She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.
She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.
She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.
We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)
She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)
She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.
She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.
I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.
anyway shout out to my mom for being neat
Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#gale#gale of waterdeep#astarion#gale dekarios#laq talks#I talk#she stares at me real hard after she makes a choice too#like squinting to see if my expression gives anything away#if it was a good or bad call#I keep my face blank as shit it’s hilarious#I have not told her I’m writing fanfic for this game#nor will I ever#jesus christ
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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