#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma
Text
Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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Why Don’t My Children Behave?
Kelly is beside herself. She and her husband are parents of two children, ages 4 and 3. They decided to have their children close together so they could get through the more intense parenting of the preschool years within 5 years.
Both are committed to their careers and work full-time. Both are exhausted by the end of the day. They want to have peaceful evenings and weekends, but the kids act up and they end up acting up, too. They’ve tried everything from the “naughty chair” to letting the kids duke it out to separating them. Nothing works. What can they do?
It’s said that there is no manual for how to raise kids. Actually, there are hundreds of “manuals” on the market. Each book recommends a different technique. Often the suggestions in one contradict the suggestions in another. Kelly and her husband, Jim, have dutifully read and tried out several. They’ve come to me in desperation. They had dreams of a happy family. To their dismay, they find themselves sometimes wishing they’d never had kids.
These are good people. They love their kids. They are trying their best. They’ve bought the books and even read and tried to apply them. They came to me in yet another effort to make their family better. “Is it too late to change things?” they ask.
Not at all. The kids know they are loved. Destructive patterns haven’t gone on for so long that they will be difficult to change. The couple is willing to do some work with me. My basic framework for parent education with couples like Kelly and Jim includes these 4 “rules”:
Rule #1: Ditch all the books.
In their efforts to find the perfect way to discipline children, Kelly and Jim have tried a number of methods. By applying the book of the week, they’ve been so inconsistent the kids don’t know what to expect.
We work together to find one consistent approach they feel most comfortable with. Consistency alone will help. As long as their choice doesn’t support abusive treatment of kids in the name of “discipline” (spanking, shaming, or extended time-outs that leave a child feeling abandoned, etc.) I’m willing to work with it.
Rule #2: Understand that not everything a kid does that parents don’t like is misbehavior.
Sometimes kids are hungry, tired, bored silly, or needing attention. Their ability to cope collapses and they whine or get balky or act up.
Kelly and Jim come home tired and hungry and wanting attention from each other. The kids come home from daycare tired and hungry and needing parental attention. Everyone is on a thin thread. I ask them to make homecoming for everyone go differently. We talk about how they can put aside their own needs for an hour to provide a small snack for everyone, to do a quiet activity with the kids like reading a story, and to give the kids lots of positive attention by talking about the day while snuggled on the couch.
Rule #3: Stop being impatient with the kids and start analyzing.
Kids’ misbehavior is often a behavior that “misses.” It doesn’t get them the positive attention they want and need. When parents don’t anticipate their needs or when requests don’t work, children cast about for something that does.
The most common reasons children misbehave are these:
Attention: One of my best teachers often said that young children need attention like a plant needs sun and water. If they feel they can’t get it directly, they will do whatever it takes to finally get mom or dad to pay attention. Negative attention, even being yelled at or deprived of something they want, is preferable to no attention at all.
Plea for help: A child is so tired or frustrated or upset, they don’t know what to do with themselves. They act up to get a parent to fix it. If a parent meets the kids’ pleas with impatience or ignoring due to their own exhaustion and frustration, the upsets just go from bad to worse.
Figuring out limits: When parents are inconsistent, the kids don’t know when a “no” really means “no.” They’ll keep up a behavior until the parent explodes. “Okay,” they think. “Now I know what the limit really is.”
Problem solving: Children don’t come to us knowing how to engage us or how to solve problems, so they experiment. Some of the experiments win praise and positive involvement from the big people. Some experiments result in broken toys and hurt feelings, which also gets the big people involved but not very happily.
Figuring out how to use power: Little kids want what they want. Stronger kids take the toys away from the weaker ones. Big kids try out intimidation. They aren’t being “bad.” They don’t yet know social rules. It’s up to the adults to teach children how to share, how to get along with others, and how to use their power productively.
Normal separation/individuation: The “no’s” and “why’s” of preschoolers can be frustrating to adults, but they are an important part of normal development. It’s the way a child begins to separate from a parent and find their own identity. When adults react with humor and explanations, the result is a positive step in growth. When adults react by just overpowering the child, the child’s sense of self suffers.
Kelly and Jim ruefully admitted that their kids do all of these. Jim admitted he’s especially apt to give in when he is tired so his “no’s” aren’t always solid. They both acknowledged that they have been reacting more than teaching — which brings us to Rule #4.
Rule #4: Teach skills.
The word “discipline” has the same root as “disciple.” It doesn’t mean “to punish.” It means “to teach.” Our most important job as parents is to teach our kids how to get along with others and how to solve problems. Whether we teach skills purposefully or not, the kids learn by watching the grown-ups.
That can be fine when a kid’s parents have good relationships with family and friends and have a calm and effective way to deal with challenges. The children will still need explanations, but they will generally pick up a positive way to interact with the world. However, when parents treat others harshly or respond to problems by getting overwhelmed and angry, the children will pick that up as well.
Three months later: Things aren’t perfect, but they are much better. Kelly and Jim really worked hard to turn things around. The first hour of homecoming is now something the whole family looks forward to. Both are doing their best to be consistent and to focus on teaching, instead of just reacting. They are now feeling optimistic that they can have the kind of family they had dreamed of.
Why Don’t My Children Behave? syndicated from
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Text
Why Don’t My Children Behave?
Kelly is beside herself. She and her husband are parents of two children, ages 4 and 3. They decided to have their children close together so they could get through the more intense parenting of the preschool years within 5 years.
Both are committed to their careers and work full-time. Both are exhausted by the end of the day. They want to have peaceful evenings and weekends, but the kids act up and they end up acting up, too. They’ve tried everything from the “naughty chair” to letting the kids duke it out to separating them. Nothing works. What can they do?
It’s said that there is no manual for how to raise kids. Actually, there are hundreds of “manuals” on the market. Each book recommends a different technique. Often the suggestions in one contradict the suggestions in another. Kelly and her husband, Jim, have dutifully read and tried out several. They’ve come to me in desperation. They had dreams of a happy family. To their dismay, they find themselves sometimes wishing they’d never had kids.
These are good people. They love their kids. They are trying their best. They’ve bought the books and even read and tried to apply them. They came to me in yet another effort to make their family better. “Is it too late to change things?” they ask.
Not at all. The kids know they are loved. Destructive patterns haven’t gone on for so long that they will be difficult to change. The couple is willing to do some work with me. My basic framework for parent education with couples like Kelly and Jim includes these 4 “rules”:
Rule #1: Ditch all the books.
In their efforts to find the perfect way to discipline children, Kelly and Jim have tried a number of methods. By applying the book of the week, they’ve been so inconsistent the kids don’t know what to expect.
We work together to find one consistent approach they feel most comfortable with. Consistency alone will help. As long as their choice doesn’t support abusive treatment of kids in the name of “discipline” (spanking, shaming, or extended time-outs that leave a child feeling abandoned, etc.) I’m willing to work with it.
Rule #2: Understand that not everything a kid does that parents don’t like is misbehavior.
Sometimes kids are hungry, tired, bored silly, or needing attention. Their ability to cope collapses and they whine or get balky or act up.
Kelly and Jim come home tired and hungry and wanting attention from each other. The kids come home from daycare tired and hungry and needing parental attention. Everyone is on a thin thread. I ask them to make homecoming for everyone go differently. We talk about how they can put aside their own needs for an hour to provide a small snack for everyone, to do a quiet activity with the kids like reading a story, and to give the kids lots of positive attention by talking about the day while snuggled on the couch.
Rule #3: Stop being impatient with the kids and start analyzing.
Kids’ misbehavior is often a behavior that “misses.” It doesn’t get them the positive attention they want and need. When parents don’t anticipate their needs or when requests don’t work, children cast about for something that does.
The most common reasons children misbehave are these:
Attention: One of my best teachers often said that young children need attention like a plant needs sun and water. If they feel they can’t get it directly, they will do whatever it takes to finally get mom or dad to pay attention. Negative attention, even being yelled at or deprived of something they want, is preferable to no attention at all.
Plea for help: A child is so tired or frustrated or upset, they don’t know what to do with themselves. They act up to get a parent to fix it. If a parent meets the kids’ pleas with impatience or ignoring due to their own exhaustion and frustration, the upsets just go from bad to worse.
Figuring out limits: When parents are inconsistent, the kids don’t know when a “no” really means “no.” They’ll keep up a behavior until the parent explodes. “Okay,” they think. “Now I know what the limit really is.”
Problem solving: Children don’t come to us knowing how to engage us or how to solve problems, so they experiment. Some of the experiments win praise and positive involvement from the big people. Some experiments result in broken toys and hurt feelings, which also gets the big people involved but not very happily.
Figuring out how to use power: Little kids want what they want. Stronger kids take the toys away from the weaker ones. Big kids try out intimidation. They aren’t being “bad.” They don’t yet know social rules. It’s up to the adults to teach children how to share, how to get along with others, and how to use their power productively.
Normal separation/individuation: The “no’s” and “why’s” of preschoolers can be frustrating to adults, but they are an important part of normal development. It’s the way a child begins to separate from a parent and find their own identity. When adults react with humor and explanations, the result is a positive step in growth. When adults react by just overpowering the child, the child’s sense of self suffers.
Kelly and Jim ruefully admitted that their kids do all of these. Jim admitted he’s especially apt to give in when he is tired so his “no’s” aren’t always solid. They both acknowledged that they have been reacting more than teaching — which brings us to Rule #4.
Rule #4: Teach skills.
The word “discipline” has the same root as “disciple.” It doesn’t mean “to punish.” It means “to teach.” Our most important job as parents is to teach our kids how to get along with others and how to solve problems. Whether we teach skills purposefully or not, the kids learn by watching the grown-ups.
That can be fine when a kid’s parents have good relationships with family and friends and have a calm and effective way to deal with challenges. The children will still need explanations, but they will generally pick up a positive way to interact with the world. However, when parents treat others harshly or respond to problems by getting overwhelmed and angry, the children will pick that up as well.
Three months later: Things aren’t perfect, but they are much better. Kelly and Jim really worked hard to turn things around. The first hour of homecoming is now something the whole family looks forward to. Both are doing their best to be consistent and to focus on teaching, instead of just reacting. They are now feeling optimistic that they can have the kind of family they had dreamed of.
from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/31CVJb6
via IFTTT
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Text
Why Don’t My Children Behave?
Kelly is beside herself. She and her husband are parents of two children, ages 4 and 3. They decided to have their children close together so they could get through the more intense parenting of the preschool years within 5 years.
Both are committed to their careers and work full-time. Both are exhausted by the end of the day. They want to have peaceful evenings and weekends, but the kids act up and they end up acting up, too. They’ve tried everything from the “naughty chair” to letting the kids duke it out to separating them. Nothing works. What can they do?
It’s said that there is no manual for how to raise kids. Actually, there are hundreds of “manuals” on the market. Each book recommends a different technique. Often the suggestions in one contradict the suggestions in another. Kelly and her husband, Jim, have dutifully read and tried out several. They’ve come to me in desperation. They had dreams of a happy family. To their dismay, they find themselves sometimes wishing they’d never had kids.
These are good people. They love their kids. They are trying their best. They’ve bought the books and even read and tried to apply them. They came to me in yet another effort to make their family better. “Is it too late to change things?” they ask.
Not at all. The kids know they are loved. Destructive patterns haven’t gone on for so long that they will be difficult to change. The couple is willing to do some work with me. My basic framework for parent education with couples like Kelly and Jim includes these 4 “rules”:
Rule #1: Ditch all the books. In their efforts to find the perfect way to discipline children, Kelly and Jim have tried a number of methods. By applying the book of the week, they’ve been so inconsistent the kids don’t know what to expect. We work together to find one consistent approach they feel most comfortable with. Consistency alone will help. As long as their choice doesn’t support abusive treatment of kids in the name of “discipline” (spanking, shaming, or extended time-outs that leave a child feeling abandoned, etc.) I’m willing to work with it.
Rule #2: Understand that not everything a kid does that parents don’t like is misbehavior. Sometimes kids are hungry, tired, bored silly, or needing attention. Their ability to cope collapses and they whine or get balky or act up. Kelly and Jim come home tired and hungry and wanting attention from each other. The kids come home from daycare tired and hungry and needing parental attention. Everyone is on a thin thread. I ask them to make homecoming for everyone go differently. We talk about how they can put aside their own needs for an hour to provide a small snack for everyone, to do a quiet activity with the kids like reading a story, and to give the kids lots of positive attention by talking about the day while snuggled on the couch.
Rule #3: Stop being impatient with the kids and start analyzing. Kids’ misbehavior is often a behavior that “misses”. It doesn’t get them the positive attention they want and need. When parents don’t anticipate their needs or when requests don’t work, children cast about for something that does. The most common reasons children mis-behave are these:
Attention: One of my best teachers often said that young children need attention like a plant needs sun and water. If they feel they can’t get it directly, they will do whatever it takes to finally get mom or dad to pay attention. Negative attention, even being yelled at or deprived of something they want, is preferable to no attention at all.
Plea for help: A child is so tired or frustrated or upset, they don’t know what to do with themselves. They act up to get a parent to fix it. If a parent meets the kids’ pleas with impatience or ignoring due to their own exhaustion and frustration, the upsets just go from bad to worse.
Figuring out limits: When parents are inconsistent, the kids don’t know when a “no” really means “no”. They’ll keep up a behavior until the parent explodes. “Okay”, they think. “Now I know what the limit really is.”
Problem solving: Children don’t come to us knowing how to engage us or how to solve problems, so they experiment. Some of the experiments win praise and positive involvement from the big people. Some experiments result in broken toys and hurt feelings – which also gets the big people involved but not very happily.
Figuring out how to use power: Little kids want what they want. Stronger kids take the toys away from the weaker ones. Big kids try out intimidation. They aren’t being “bad”. They don’t yet know social rules. It’s up to the adults to teach children how to share, how to get along with others, and how to use their power productively.
Normal separation/individuation: The “no’s” and “whys” of preschoolers can be frustrating to adults, but they are an important part of normal development. It’s the way a child begins to separate from a parent and find their own identity. When adults react with humor and explanations, the result is a positive step in growth. When adults react by just overpowering the child, the child’s sense of self suffers.
Kelly and Jim ruefully admitted that their kids do all of these. Jim admitted he’s especially apt to give in when he is tired so his “no’s” aren’t always solid. They both acknowledged that they have been reacting more than teaching – which brings us to Rule #4.
Rule #4: Teach skills: The word “discipline” has the same root as “disciple”. It doesn’t mean “to punish”. It means “to teach”, Our most important job as parents is to teach our kids how to get along with others and how to solve problems. Whether we teach skills purposefully or not, the kids learn by watching the grown-ups. That can be fine when a kid’s parents have good relationships with family and friends and have a calm and effective way to deal with challenges. The children will still need explanations, but they will generally pick up a positive way to interact with the world. However, when parents treat others harshly or respond to problems by getting overwhelmed and angry, the children will pick that up as well.
Three months later: Things aren’t perfect but they are much better. Kelly and Jim really worked hard to turn things around. The first hour of homecoming is now something the whole family looks forward to. Both are doing their best to be consistent and to focus on teaching instead of just reacting. They are now feeling optimistic that they can have the kind of family they had dreamed of.
from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/31CVJb6
via theshiningmind.com
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8 recommendations on Writing a superb Homework or Test Essay
8 recommendations on Writing a superb Homework or Test Essay
Through your process that is educational will need to compose lots of essays of various types. It doesn’t matter if you cope with an argumentative essay or individual declaration, there are lots of fundamental some ideas on the best way to enhance your writing skills. Ideally, the information below will assist you to be successful.
Carry on Reading All Of The Time
It is maybe maybe not enough to devote time merely to writing. Without reading the information that is necessary you won’t have the ability to protect the subject in complete. With regards to taking care of the paragraph that is next get back to your guide or article and see the part which offers the response to the following concern or an idea to your argument.
Connect your points together by reading that which you have previously written. While taking care of your paragraphs, you could your investment important some ideas through the very first area, so that you have actually to waste time on reading them once again to produce your essay movement logically.
This process helps you to choose the key words for the paragraphs that are upcoming. Saying similar terms may enhance your coherence, however it works just with unique terms and significant words that are english. Articles and prepositions just create wordiness, so they really don’t count.
Pick Your topic that is best Based on Great Tips
IELTS isn’t testing your cleverness. We could state the exact same about other entrance or supporting language that is english. The goal that is main to not ever be smart, but mirror everything you have discovered and memorized by heart.
The candidates whom result from a scholastic history got acquainted with the grading system where these are typically examined with regards to both quality and quality of the a few ideas. When it comes to IELTS or TOEFL, it is real to make 9.0 for the musical organization essay without incorporating key “academic” points.
Spend some right amount of time in placing down all subjects you’re feeling confident with. Select just the idea that is best from the list. Write your essay for a slim question as opposed to selecting an extensive industry.
Discuss That Which You Understand without a doubt
As being a rule, the questions on those nasty tests are manufactured by the teachers and teachers worldwide so you could have a fantastic pool of subjects. You may first work with the free online essay examples if you feel stressed about choosing topics for your homework or examination essays. They have only the most useful tips to talk about.
No matter what good you’re in the field that is specific still utilize collection and internet to get extra information on the subject that you choose. You might miss some essential, up-to-date details. Whilst the globe is evolving dynamically, a lot of the instructors like to start to see the fresh information.
Choosing Sources Sensibly
Whenever you compose an essay, you must prove a certain point out your audience. That’s is just why you should consist of information through the sources that are primary your paragraphs. The dwelling of any essay needs to be complete:
Introduction
Body paragraphs (2-5)
Conclusion paragraph
Bibliography
The final point is also known as Functions Cited or References web Page. If you use the text of other folks, cite them correspondingly in your text you need to include the full guide at the conclusion of your essay (in the final web page following the summary). It should be a page that is separate record of various different sources you found in alphabetical order. It is far better to make notes by means of complete source’s name each time you insert the text of other folks. Then, it could be an easy task to produce a Bibliography by after these records.
To attract the interest of your potential audience because of the very first line of introduction, in addition, you might use citation or interesting reality through the sources you found.
Develop approaches that are different Creating Introduction and Conclusion
Beginning your introduction with all the brand new concept isn’t a great point. It might probably support the terms of other authors, facts, data, as well as a tale. Keep ideas that are new your essay’s conclusion. To go out of a confident impression on your own audience, you will need to share brand new tips and methods to re re solving the discussed problem.
Remember that cheating isn’t constantly the way that is best out. Nevertheless, you’ll enhance your techniques that are cheating reading the time-tested guidelines from smart pupils.
Examples are often Simpler Than Detailed Interpretations
A student faces the need to explain certain terms or events from time to time. It could take a lots of time and efforts to give you a description that is detailed. It is better to avoid this problem by thinking about some vivid examples if you don’t understand certain words. Visitors love examples eve more than information and explanations. It is far better to simply just take examples from https://eliteessaywriters.com/write-my-paper true to life. It is possible to offer a good example from your life that is own if compose an admissions essay.
Try Not to Overload The Paper
Some pupils love composing, so that they show up with pages of worthless information. This is the final thing you should do as your trainer just isn’t taken care of additional hours of checking your essays.
Offer just information that is relevant answers your primary concern.
Stick to the directions: if it states to create 300 terms, usually do not add 350 terms or maybe more. Nevertheless, don’t write less as well.
Keep your time!
Remember the fact that greater quantities of terms can lead to more errors.
Offer your self longer to select the very best terms rather than placing straight down simply every thing on the subject and off topic.
It is far better to go out of more hours to test the essay draft that is final.
Stick to the Essay Construction
Your introduction constantly must start out with the hook and end up getting your thesis declaration (the main point associated with the entire essay).
The human body paragraphs must begin with the always argument which supports your thesis sentence.
In conclusion should restate the thesis, summarize the arguments through the human anatomy paragraphs, and provide a few brand new tips for the long term.
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