#that being said i think the main issue here is miscommunication? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pimosworld · 1 month

Note

Hi it’s me!! Since you are open to requests, could you please do a very fluffy smut with Joel where the reader is very insecure about her body and he makes her feel loved and it’s just so sweet?? In need of a comfort daddy Joel 🥺

Pairing- Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary- Joel wants you to see your body the way he does, a work of art.

CW-18+, MDNI, NSFW, A smidge of angst because (body image issues), Fluff,miscommunication, reader is not described other than not feeling herself lately, Soft dom Joel, smut, body worship, mirror sex, fingering, unprotected piv, cream pie, self acceptance, no use of y/n

WC-2.0k

[Joel Miller Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

A\N- My first Joel request and I would say I was feeling inspired by some body issues I’ve had lately. Thank you anon for this lovely request I hope I did it justice.

Clothing optional

There was a war going on in your house. Two separate wars to be exact, although you personally had no idea about one of them.

You’re currently on the frontlines in your room with a pile of mass casualties on the floor beside you. As you stand and face the mirror in front of you it’s unclear who the enemy is. Logic would have you believe it’s the clothes, the clothes that fit not long ago…that much you’re sure of. The cruel part of your brain, the part you couldn’t seem to shut off was telling you the enemy was your body. This body that has carried you through life, through ups and downs, through grief and happiness. Yet you stand here and shame it, calling it the enemy.

This dress, one that you were never really that fond of but could always rely on it fitting was the straw that broke the camel's back. It hugs in all the wrong places and definitely seems shorter than you remembered the last time you put it on. The lace at the seams is frayed a little and you swore you heard a stitch pop when you tried to unzip yourself. Now you’re frozen in fear that you’re stuck in this godforsaken thing and you’ve still not figured out what you’re wearing to impress Joel’s business partners. He was always so put together, what could they possibly think of you by his side.

“Sugar ya in there?” A knock on the bedroom door and Joel’s sweet voice causes you to panic.

You’re not even close to being ready. Tears streaming down your face, makeup ruined and your claustrophobia is aching to get out of this dress.

“Don’t come in.” Your garbled voice is evident all rushed out in a frenzy as you hear the door swing open.

****

The other war.

A war that’s been silently brewing in the house over the last few weeks. Joel noticed something different about you. It took him a lot longer than he’d cared to admit once he realized. He knew your body in and out. Every freckle, every line, every scar or birthmark. He’d made it his mission in life to be able to pick you out of a lineup blindfolded, only tasked with his hands or his mouth.

He was insatiable for you.

He never understood when other men would say that after some time you won’t be as obsessed with each other. After marriage things become monotonous and it feels like a chore. He loved chores, being able to complete a task. If loving you and worshiping your body was a chore then he wanted that duty everyday.

At first he thought he must’ve said or done something to upset you. He knew his mouth could be pretty reckless at times so he gave you a few days to cool off.

When you shy away from him or insisted your shirt stayed on during sex he started to grow suspicious. Maybe he hadn’t told you enough how much he appreciated your body. He thought he did a pretty good job of it but things get complicated when you’re in the heat of the moment. He made your brain go all fuzzy and it was hard to concentrate on what he was sayin’.

He’d had just about had enough when he walked into the kitchen the other day. You were reaching something high up on the shelf. Instead of asking if you needed help he just stood there ogling you as your shorts rode up, exposing the bottom of your ass. He wanted to sink his teeth into it. He wanted to grip your thighs and bend you over the counter. He could just imagine it as he pounded into you from behind while you screamed his name, the ripples from his thrusts dancing across your skin. You looked so startled when you saw him there, his eyes blown black with lust as he stepped towards you. His heart broke a little when you scurried away and returned aggressively wrapping your robe around you.

****

A peace offering.

You knew there was no way he was staying outside at any sign of your distress. He enters your shared bedroom slowly like he’s approaching a frightened animal. You’re sure you look like one in your state.

He’s quite the opposite. Crisp black on black suit, his hair combed back out of his face to show off those beautiful brown eyes. His cologne wafts towards you with hints of bergamot and cedar wood. Just the sight of him has you weak in the knees.

“You wanna tell me what’s got ya all worked up?” He takes a tentative step towards you as you shake your head and wrap your arms around yourself.

He clicks his tongue, hating how defeated you look right now. “Listen sugar, I’m gonna count to ten.” He gently unfurls your arms from you and wraps them around his middle. “And by the time I get to ten.” You take a shuddering breath against his chest relishing in the comfort he’s bringing you. “You’re gonna tell me what’s wrong.”

“One.”

“None of my clothes fit, I hate the way I look right now and I don’t want to embarrass you tonight because I look ridiculous standing next to you in some dress that I hate.” It’s all rushed out and muffled into his chest as he cradles your head and rocks you back and forth.

“Is that all?” He teases as you nod your head. “I’m thinkin’ maybe there’s a little more.”

“Two.”

“Well…the other day.” You let out an exasperated sigh as you look up at him. “You were starin’ at me, in the kitchen. I couldn’t tell what you were thinking, but it didn’t look good.”

He thinks for a moment, back to his thoughts in the kitchen and you must have read him all wrong.

Joel steps back from you briefly as he undoes his tie, letting it drop to the floor. “The other day in the kitchen.” His hands start to work at the buttons on his dress shirt as he shucks it off his broad shoulders. “I wasn’t tryin’ to stare. I was tryin’ to keep my hands to myself.”

Your breathing picks up as he undoes the buckle on his slacks and lets them join the rest of his clothes. He palms himself through his boxers, his hard length growing at the slightest touch.

“Joel, what are you doing?” He doesn’t answer you as his hands grip your shoulders turning you toward the mirror. “We’re gonna be late for the dinner.”

He leans in, taking your earlobe between his teeth as you gasp. “We’re not goin’ to the dinner sweetheart.” Joel’s eyes lock with yours in the mirror as he takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Do ya see how beautiful you are?”

His grip stops you from shaking your head no and you figure you might as well get with the program now, since he’s being so generous.

“You wanna do this your way or my way?” He asks with an eyebrow raised in question.

“Your way?” You shakily answer as he smiles all wide and kisses your cheek.

His hands make quick work of the zipper that was stuck and he eases it down your back. Carefully dragging it down your body, letting the fabric pool at your feet. His hand kneads your breast and soft whimper leaves your lips as it trails down your stomach. “You weren’t plannin on wearin’ any panties to this event?” His fingers dip lower circling your clit just barely teasing you.

“I…I hadn’t gotten around to them yet.” Your voice is shaky as he winds his other arm around you pulling you taught to his chest.

“Well good thing…you won’t be needin’ em tonight.” His words send a shiver down your spine as you stand there, naked as the day you were born trying to stay afloat. “Now, I asked you if you see how beautiful you are?”

“Yes.” You moan out as he slips two fingers inside, chuckling to himself as he works you open.

You cry out at the loss as he pulls them from you, holding them out in front of your face. It’s lewd the way he licks his fingers and his grip on you tightens as your legs threaten to give out at the sight.

“You want me to show ya’ what I was thinkin’ about in the kitchen?” Rhetorical question of course but you're feverishly nodding your head all the same.

He places a soft kiss to your neck as he guides you to the bed. Neither of you trusting your feet to carry you there. “Lay down for me baby girl. Face me.” You lay down on your stomach, resting your head on your arms as you watch him place the mirror near the edge of the bed.

His fingers tug down his boxers and it surprises you every time, the sheer weight of him. His cock twitches at the sight as if it knows you’re looking, admiring as you stop yourself from reaching at the angry red tip to swipe your finger through the bead of precum leaking out.

The bed dips behind you as he straddles your thighs. You can see him in the mirror watching you as you wiggle your ass, that fight part of your brain no longer concerned with the way you look. Not with the way he’s looking at you. Like he wants to eat you alive.

His fingers grip your flesh as he tilts your hips up, he’s rock hard as he slides the tip through your aching folds. You clench around nothing as you try to draw him in.

“Eyes on the prize baby.” You tear your eyes from him as you catch yours in the mirror. He wants you to watch, but not him.

You’re the prize.

He sinks down in one fluid motion and it takes every fiber of your being to keep your eyes open. You both moan in unison as he starts a slow agonizing pace.

Joel watches you as long as he can but he can’t tear his eyes away from the ripple of your skin as he pounds your flesh. Hitting something deep and devastating inside you as you clutch the sheets. Soft chants of his name punched out in his thrusts as he tries to hold off his release. It feels too good and just like his daydream. Having you bent over all fucked out, unable to form a coherent through. The only thought he wants running through that head is how perfect you are.

“Oh fuck…I’m the luckiest man alive, ya know that.” He grits out as he meets your eyes again.

His strong hands haul you up against his chest as he wraps his arms around your shoulders. All you can manage is a head nod as you keen at this new angle.

You can feel the beads of sweat from his hair drip down onto you as you cling to his arms, he growls in your ear as your climax peaks over you, taking you by surprise as you cry out his name.

“This pussy was made for me darlin’.”

He can feel you suck him in and his balls draw up tight. Your front bathed in a sheen of sweat down your breasts and across your stomach as you ride out the aftershocks. His hips slow to a stutter as he holds your prone and pliant body, pulsing inside you as you let out a soft exhale.

You’re completely and utterly wrecked and he thinks you’re like one of those renaissance paintings with the naked ladies. Better than that because you’re real and you’re all his.

It takes you a moment to gather yourself as you lay there, Joel’s hand draped over your body at the edge of the bed. You can finally look in the mirror and see the war that was waging was all on your head.

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

#joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfic #joel miller tlou #joel miller x f!reader #joel x reader #soft joel miller #joel the last of us #joelmiller #tlou imagine #joel miller fanfiction

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faggot-vampire-dies-epicly · 4 months

Text

Under the flashing lights

Summary: You return to your hometown for the holidays and reconnect with Vanessa. | Words: 4.361K

Warnings: Fluff, references of abandonment, some daddy issues, kissing, anxiety, insecurities, a bad break up, miscommunication, guilt. Fem!Reader.

A/N: This was supposed to be short. I'll be honest, I don't like this, I don't think it's good. I'm so sorry this took so fucking long, I'm never writing a holiday themed fic again; this was way too silly to be this hard to write. Sorry for the fuckass quality on the header, lmao.

Main Masterlist | Vanessa Masterlist | AO3

You stepped outside the station, feeling the cold, crisp air fill your lungs. It had been a while since you'd been in your hometown, and you didn't remember it being this cold in December.

You sighed, your breath turning into white mist. It was freezing, snow coating the streets. You cursed quietly, you had told your mom you didn't need a ride.

It was strange, really. How you had let your mother convince you of visiting her and your step-dad for the holidays. You normally would have refused in any way you could, but something was different this year.

It had been a long, tiring year. Your long term girlfriend had dumped you after you had lost your job. Then your cat had died, and you were feeling more lost than ever.

When your mother reached out to you to invite you to spend the holidays with them, you hesitated for the first time in years.

The relationship between you and your mom had always been sort of difficult, and the fact that she remarried almost immediately after your dad left was something you weren't willing to forgive just yet.

But you were exhausted after everything. Something inside you told you that maybe this time spending the holidays with them was worth it.

You shivered, wrapping your coat tightly around your body. The town was like you always remembered it. Dull, gray and frankly, odd. Growing up here was the least exciting part of your life.

You stood outside the station waiting for a taxi to come by, but with no avail. It seemed like the streets were empty aside from the families who were waiting for their loved ones inside the station, their cars parked outside.

You considered asking for a ride when you heard a sweet, almost familiar voice behind you.

“Everything okay?” You turned around, finding a police officer standing right there.

Blonde hair tied in a ponytail, green eyes and a tiny, polite smile on her lips. She was wearing a green wool trucker jacket over her police uniform.

“Oh,” you breathed out, feeling your cheeks heat up. She was really, really pretty.

“I, um. I was hoping to take a taxi,” you said awkwardly, fiddling with the pockets of your jacket. The police officer hummed, looking thoughtful.

“No, that won't do,” she murmured. Your eyes widened.

“Excuse me?”

“There aren't many taxis here, I'm sure you have noticed by now,” she chuckled and you frowned.

“Great,” you murmured. “There's always something with this stupid town.”

The officer raised her eyebrows, “local?”

You remain silent for a moment. “Something like that. I grew up here.”

She nodded, eyeing you curiously. She looked like she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how to go about it. Ultimately, she smiled at you and put her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Well, you need a ride… and I can give you one. Where are you headed?”

You tensed up, turning to face the officer. “Sorry?”

She laughs, “I said, where are you headed? My shift is almost over and it looks like it’s gonna storm.” You gazed at the sky for a moment, she was right.

“You’re offering me a ride?” You asked, confused. She seemed amused at your confusion.

“Yes, miss, I’m offering you a ride.”

You licked your lips. The wind was getting stronger, and you could feel the chill penetrating through your coat. The station seemed to have emptied, and the few people that remained were starting to leave with their families. On one hand, you could always wait under the cold and hope that a taxi showed up, you could also walk, but the snow was already making things slick and the taxi situation didn’t seem to be improving. You took a look at the officer, who gave you a small smile, and you sighed. She seemed trustworthy enough.

Knowing that she was probably your best bet, you sighed. “Alright, I’ll take it.”

She nodded politely, smiling still. “Come, my car is this way.”

She guided you through the parking lot, opening the door for you when you reached her patrol car. Before you could say anything, a gust of icy wind hit you and you shivered. She gave you an understanding look, “We better get going before the weather gets too bad,” she said with a hint of sympathy in her tone.

You grumbled in embarrassment, climbing on the car. She positioned herself behind the wheel, the car rumbling to life with a steady hum.

You gave her your home address, and she pulled onto the road ahead. You sat there in silence, contemplating what you were doing in a stranger’s car.

“You look awfully familiar,” she said, and you snapped out of your thoughts. She stopped at a red light, waiting for it to turn green.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I think I’ve seen you before…” She said thoughtfully, eyes focusing on your features. You felt your cheeks heat up at her staring. She looked at you for a moment longer before focusing back on the road.

"Really now?" You asked after taking a deep breath, you were getting curious.

You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but there was something about her that seemed familiar, too.

A few seconds of silence passed, the car still weaving its way through traffic, the engine humming in a steady, quiet rhythm.

"Wait a minute..." She said suddenly, a look of realization appearing on her face. "Wow, how could I forget!”

You stared at her, mildly confused. “You are Y/N! We went to the same English class in high school. You were always talking about Lord of the Rings.” She said, grinning.

You blushed in embarrassment, “ah, yeah. I… eventually grew out of it.”

She eyed you expectantly as you tried to remember who this woman could be.

She chuckled. “You don't remember me, huh?”

She had said it in an amused tone, but you could see a little flicker of disappointment in her eyes. You tried harder, closing your eyes. Then it hit you, she was the pretty blonde girl who always sat near the window, the one who made you realize you were attracted to girls.

“You're… Vanessa,” you opened your eyes, slightly surprised. “You used to sit by the window. Always wearing a green flannel.”

She smiled brightly. “Yes, yes! That was me!”

You huffed a laugh, it was incredible. You had run into your gay awakening, and she was giving you a ride home. Fifteen-year-old you would have gone into shock.

“I can't believe you remember the color of my flannel,” she said in a teasing tone. You hummed, blushing slightly.

“Well, I can't believe you remember my obsession with Lord of the Rings,” you chuckled.

Her eyes widened a little, her mouth slightly agape. After a moment of hesitation and gesturing awkwardly, she finally managed to say something. "Well, you always stood out to me." Her voice carried a hint of nervousness, a soft pink tint on her cheeks.

You were left stunned for a moment. She had noticed you back then.

“Oh,” you breathed out.

“Sorry, too weird?” She asked, with an awkward chuckle. You were quick to reassure her.

“Oh, no, not at all. I… I noticed you too.” She gave you a gentle smile, almost shyly, before stopping the car.

“Well… we’re here.” Your gaze drifted from her to the window. It was true, you were parked outside your house, you sighed. While you silently removed the seat belt, you could feel Vanessa’s gaze on you. You fought off a smile as you exited the car.

Vanessa lowered the window and asked, "Is there a chance we might run into each other again?" A beat passed in silence, and you finally spoke, your voice soft and your smile sincere. "Probably," you replied, hoping that you were right. "Hopefully," you added, making her smile in response.

“Thanks for the ride.” She nodded and then licked her lips. “No problem, I like doing favors for pretty girls like you.”

You looked away, feeling your cheeks heat up from the compliment. “You’re not so bad yourself,” you flirted back and she scowled playfully, blushing. “Maybe you could give me your number, so I can thank you later?” You leaned against the car.

Vanessa giggled softly, her scowl breaking into a shy smile. “Oh, I’d love to.”

You entered your parent’s house after parting ways with Vanessa. You answered your mother's questions with monosyllables, a small smile playing on your lips. She had asked, of course, but you weren't about to tell her that you had run into your high school crush and she had given you a ride home and also her number. Instead, you just brushed it off as being happy to visit her and your stepdad, nothing more. As you went up to your room, your smile only grew wider. It had been ages since you had felt this way, and you were sure the feeling wouldn’t go away soon.

“Time flies when you’re having fun.” That’s what people always said, you just rolled your eyes whenever you heard it, unable to understand how that could be true.

Until you experienced it yourself.

Vanessa had called, inviting you for lunch and of course you accepted. You didn’t expect to be returning home past midnight. Your mother had asked you to return home early so you could help plan the upcoming Christmas Eve party, but time had slipped away and now you were late, too late. This had been happening since you had arrived in town. She called and you always went. You couldn’t get enough.

You unlocked the door as silently as you could and tiptoed all the way to your room, but before you could enter the safe space, someone touched your shoulder.

You swallowed a scream and quickly turned around. It was your stepdad. You sighed, unsure if it was out of relief or annoyance. He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“My bad, I wasn’t planning on being this late,” you muttered, he just nodded. After a while he spoke up.

“What’s going on?” You tried not to blush.

“I was with, uh… someone,” you explained, a little embarrassed.

His eyes widened slightly. You had expressed a disdain for dating and seeing other people after your ex had left you. “Oh, uhm…” He scratched his head awkwardly. “Okay.”

He turned around and went to his room. You stood there, cursing under your breath. The interaction had made you second guess everything. Were you genuinely ready to start seeing people again?

Next morning, you leaned against the kitchen counter as your mom scolded you for your late arrival, you just remained silent.

“I had to organize the entire thing myself! Could you at least help me decorate the house?”

You hummed in agreement, watching as she stressfully scrambled the eggs.

“Can… Can I invite someone?” Your mom snapped her head in your direction, and you could feel your stepdad lift his gaze from the paperwork, his eyes now drilling into the back of your neck. You shifted your feet nervously, and it took all your willpower not to bolt back into your room.

In the end they agreed, and you had immediately texted Vanessa to invite her. She happily accepted, and you knew you had to give all you had to decorate that damn house.

Christmas Eve finally arrived. The guests started arriving and you had to receive them. You had to hug people you hadn’t seen in literal years.

As hours passed, your excitement to see Vanessa dimed. She hadn’t answered your texts, and she didn’t seem to have any intentions in coming to the party. You quietly opened the front door and slipped out onto the porch, making sure not to attract your mom's attention.

You sighed, resting your forehead on one of the porch’s pillars, the soft murmur of “Last Christmas” filling your eyes. It was cold, too cold for your liking. You considered going back inside and enduring all the loud noises and flashy lights.

“Not a fan of parties?” Vanessa’s voice startled you, and you turned around. Her hair was down, and she was wearing her wool trucker jacket over a beige sweater. You sighed, closing the distance with a hug which she quickly reciprocated.

“I thought you weren’t going to come,” you pulled away slightly to look at her.

She chuckled softly, “Are you kidding? Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You nuzzled your head onto the crook of her neck.

You hummed, staying silent for a moment. “Good,” you murmured against her neck as her soft hair brushed onto your face. “Because I don’t think I would survive this party without you being here with me.”

You heard the way Vanessa’s breath caught and smiled.

“Sorry for being late,” she said softly. “I got called in for an emergency. Some moron was drunk driving, crashed into a light pole, and then invaded a family's house to avoid getting arrested.”

You winced softly at Vanessa’s explanation. "Some nights are just like that," you replied softly, leaning your head against hers, taking in the scent of her shampoo.

"Did they catch him?" you asked as you pulled away from her body and looked into her eyes. They glistened under the Christmas lights, and your heart skipped a beat.

Vanessa's cheeks reddened slightly as you leaned closer to her, and she pulled away slightly to look at you better. She gave you a sheepish smile and you couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked when she blushed.

She softly brushed the back of her hand against your cheek, feeling the heat that had spread across your skin. She stared at you for a moment, a soft look in her eyes.

“Don’t worry,” she spoke softly as she ran her down slowly from your face to your neck. “They caught him before I even arrived at the scene. One of the kids inside the house threw cold water at him, hopefully that’ll teach him a lesson.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. Vanessa grinned.

You stayed in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, just enjoying each other's presence. The voices inside the house got louder, and you checked your watch.

“It’s Christmas,” you said. She looked back at the house, where the sounds of music and laughter filled the air. She smiled, and turned back to look at you. “It’s Christmas,” she repeated softly, eyes lingering on yours.

She grabbed your hands softly and pulled you closer to the entrance door. It was closed, you had made sure of it when you retreated from the party. You frowned slightly, a little confused and she chuckled at your expression.

She gave you an amused look as she pointed up. You lifted your gaze, realizing that hanging from the top part of the door frame was a small sprig of mistletoe. You felt your cheeks flush deeply, all the cold you had felt before disappearing instantly. You shifted your feet, unsure of what to do or say. It wasn’t that you didn’t want, but you felt that sting of insecurity from the previous days return. Were you really ready for this? The last time you had dated someone it hadn’t ended well.

Vanessa noticed your mood change, and her eyes softened. “It’s only a mistletoe,” she said as she brushed your chin with her fingers. “You don’t have to take the kiss if you don’t want to.”

"It's not that, I…" You sighed, looking away from her in shame. "The last relationship I had… Well, the break up was messy." She remained silent, waiting for you to continue. "I don't feel like I'm ready to kiss you just yet.”

Vanessa nodded slowly, her fingers softly tracing your jawline. “That’s alright,” she said softly, hiding the disappointment in her voice the best she could. “I won’t push you to do anything you’re not ready for. We can keep things at your pace.”

Before you could answer, the door opened and your mother came into view. It seemed like she wanted to say something but the words got stuck in her mouth. You felt a shiver of embarrassment run down your spine and you pulled away from Vanessa’s warmth.

“Mom…” You said, sounding exasperated. She mumbled a quick apology, and then introduced herself to Vanessa. You stood there awkwardly while they talked. Vanessa smiled politely at your mom, side-eyeing you from time to time. When your mom offered her to come into the party, she declined gently.

“I have to go home and rest anyway; I have an early shift,” she shrugged, turning her head to face you.

You felt like she was giving you the chance to say something else, but you just nodded, uncomfortable.

She waved you and your mom goodbye and disappeared into the cold night.

"Why didn't you introduce us to your new girlfriend?" your mom asked a little accusingly. "She's not my girlfriend," you said, quickly brushing past her and making your way to your room. You heard her sigh loudly but you didn’t care, there was a lump forming on your throat.

As you collapsed on your bed, you started to wonder if it wouldn't have been better to just have kissed Vanessa instead of letting your insecurities win.

You didn’t hear from Vanessa until a couple of days later. You were lying in bed, ruminating on your poor decision-making when she sent you a message.

‘Sorry for bailing on you.’

You jumped out of your bed, grabbing your phone to confirm that you weren't hallucinating. You read the message one, twice, thrice, and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You hadn’t ruined everything after all.

You quickly texted her back and everything went back to how it was before.

You were still worried of saying or doing something that could push Vanessa away again. Not because she gave signs that it could happen, but because you were afraid that something like what happened with your ex could occur again.

Vanessa was way different from your last relationship. She was more accepting of your personality, your desires, your likes and dislikes, and most importantly, she was patient with you. So long as you didn't do something drastic, you believed that she would accept you. But that "something drastic" was always within the realm of possibility, wasn't it? That nagging thought loomed over you like a dark cloud waiting to rain down on your happiness.

Days passed, the insecurity of ruining things was still very present in your mind, even when you were hanging with Vanessa.

Vanessa could feel something was wrong. You seemed distracted and worried, but she couldn't pinpoint what exactly. She knew that your last relationship had been disastrous, but she had tried everything in her power to make you comfortable.

You couldn't help it. You were paranoid that one mistake could ruin everything. Vanessa's patience was thinning, she wanted to continue with whatever was going on between you she couldn't understand why you were still so reluctant. Maybe it was time to have a conversation. Vanessa knew you well, she knew you had a hard time expressing your feelings. But she also knew how important talking about this for the both of you.

She decided to make a last effort, and invite you to spend New Years Eve with her.

You accepted immediately.

She picked you up at your house, and you knew your mom would make embarrassing comments later with the way she looked at you before you closed the door.

You wouldn’t say it out loud, but you were glad Vanessa had thought you were worthy of spending the night with her. You smiled softly when you got in the car, and Vanessa’s eyes sparked with delight at the sight of you.

“So, where are we going?” You asked while you fastened your seat belt.

“It’s a surprise,” she chuckled, steering the car towards the main street.

She took you to a nice restaurant for dinner, and afterward, you both headed to the town center together.

She took you for a stroll in the park, where you walked in a tree-lined avenue.

You could feel her gaze on you, but you didn’t dare to meet her eyes. “Something is going on with you,” she said, and you took a deep breath.

“What makes you say that?”

Vanessa stopped on her tracks, and you did too. “What makes me say it?” She said, baffled. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you’ve been acting like you need to be walking on eggshells everytime we see each other!”

You winced and looked away. She was right, and you knew it. The past days had been an emotional rollercoaster for the both of you. You couldn’t deny her logic, and you realized she was probably frustrated by your change of behavior.

"I just… I don’t want to make the same mistake again,” you whispered, gaze fixated on your shoes.

Her face softened.

"Sweetheart, there was never a mistake to begin with.”

Her words took you by surprise. She was so nonchalant about the worries that you’d been harboring that you felt like some of that weight was lifted off your shoulders. But not all of it.

“You don’t understand,” you said, a hint of desperation in your voice. “My last relationship– It ended so suddenly. She left, and I couldn’t do anything.” You let out a huge breath and closed your eyes. “I failed.”

Vanessa reached out to you, taking your hands in hers. You opened your eyes, but still looked away. “You didn’t fail,” she said softly.

“It takes two to make a relationship work, it’s not your fault.”

She knew that you thought the way your former relationship ended was all your fault. That you somehow fucked up and that had driven your ex away, but she also hoped that you would see things differently through her eyes.

“You don’t need to be perfect all the time, it’s okay to be yourself. It’s okay to let go.” She tried to convey in her voice her understanding. She knew the guilt and pain you were going through, and she wanted to help you let go of it.

Vanessa’s words felt warm, comforting. Her voice was so soft and soothing. But deep down, you really couldn’t let go of the thought that this could end up just like your last relationship.

But Vanessa was different, wasn’t she? You knew she actually liked you, with flaws, insecurities and all. The pain of being left behind left a deep wound on you, but with Vanessa the pain had started to fade away.

“Are you sure?” You asked, finally meeting her gaze after what had felt like ages.

She smiled at you, squeezing your hands. “Of course. Absolutely.” She licked her lips, thinking for a moment before speaking again. “You don’t need to worry about making some big mistake that will ruin what we have, I swear. You can be yourself around me. You deserve it.”

Her eyes sparkled with warmth, and love and the sudden surge of overwhelming relief was too much. You sighed, and leaned on her, burying your face against her shoulder. Vanessa chuckled as she wrapped her arms around you. It felt like the dark cloud hanging above your head was finally parting after the huge storm.

“So, what do you say?” She spoke softly. “Do you want to officially go on a date with me?”

She pulled away to look at you, “Maybe tomorrow, at that café down the street from your parent’s house?”

You smiled, “why not count this as a date?” You offered, and she beamed.

“I’d love that.”

She brushed a strand of loose hair behind your ear and your heart skipped a beat. She glanced at your lips while licking hers, and finally asked. “Can I kiss you?”

You gave her a nervous smile, and nodded.

It was gentle, but firm, like she wanted to make sure it felt good, that it felt right. It lingered, maybe for a few seconds more than necessary, but you understood. She had been yearning for you for a while, and it felt amazing to be that close to her.

“I assume I can keep kissing you after this?” She whispered against your mouth and you laughed, shoving her playfully.

“You most definitely can,” you answered, rolling your eyes.

She bit her lip, and took your hand. “Come, people are starting to gather in the town’s square.”

“The town’s square? Is that the surprise?”

“Yep,” she gave you a cocky smile and you felt like kissing her off of her face.

You followed her giddily through the crowd. A lot of people were already gathered there. “What is this? New York?” You murmured and that drew a laugh out of Vanessa.

“You’ll see,” she said, squeezing your hand.

You two finally arrived at the front of the crowd, to what appeared to be a huge tripod made of wood, holding a bell.

“A bell?” You asked, incredulously.

“They make the bell ring twelve times when midnight arrives,” she explained as you frowned.

“This didn’t happen when we were younger,” and she shook her hear. “It’s a new thing,” she chuckled. “It’s supposed to attract more tourists.”

You scratched your head, “is it working?”

She turned to face you, giving you a huge grin. “Nope!”

You laughed, leaning onto her shoulder. The square began to get incredibly crowded, so you held Vanessa’s hand more tightly.

The noise and the cheers were starting to get louder as midnight approached, and you both gazed up to the contraption.

Maybe this wasn’t some extravagant New Year celebration like in the city where you lived, but being next to Vanessa, surrounded by her warmth definitely made it feel special. And when midnight struck and they rang the bell, you stood on your tiptoes to kiss her again.

Maybe this year would be better.

A/N: Reblogs are appreciated. Btw I really had a hard time writing this, so I would really appreciate some feedback because I feel like I did really bad on this one lmao.

#fnaf #vanessa shelly #fnaf movie #vanessa shelly x reader #elizabeth lail

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m1ssunderstanding · 4 months

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Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day Four

"Lennon's late again" says Paul, as he walks in late. And sweet Ringo just gently, "between ten and eleven is the time" Which means: "Chill babe. He'll be here."

One thing that always gob smacks me is how bored George and Ringo are watching Paul pull Get Back out of the ether. They literally see him do this shit all the time which is insane to me.

His voice is so so so pretty!!! And he's just so completely in his own world. The hunched shoulders. The twitching. The gibberish. The tapping. The twisting.

Obviously this is a song with the original central feeling being let's go back to before everything went wrong but he wants to make it into a meaningless song with both story bits and almost walrus-esque bits. But why is the first lyric he comes up with about gender? Thinking of @scurators posts on Paul and gender.

Ringo's customary quiet really does add significance to his voice, so him singing along with this so quickly says something I think about his support for the song and for Paul in general.

When John walks in he's greeted with a little cocky nod and smile like "look what I've just done while you were late." And then Paul sings "get back to where you once belonged" directly at him before breaking the eye contact. It's one of those heartbreaking Lennon/McCartney miscommunications because Paul is doing this to get John back, but actually it's scaring him away, you know? Paul thinks he has to prove to John how good he is, but John's exhausted with how good Paul is.

STFU Michael Lindsay Hogg

Paul really does love the idea of being forced out of parliament by cops and honestly so do I. Would've been iconic and might've kept them together.

John's so quiet today and also Yoko is not here. Correlation or causation I wonder.

"They say don't they say charity begins at home?" I love you forever, George. His humor is always so well-placed and so dry (even though he's clearly cracking himself up here). And it steers the conversation away from a direction he was not happy with without poking any bears. In fact, everyone's laughing. Clever boy.

"I've decided that the whole point of it is communication. And to be on TV is communication and we've got a chance to smile at people like all you need is love or something so that's me incentive for doing it." Wise, egalitarian John making a lovely appearance.

And then there's Paul. "I'm here cause I wanna do a show." Lol I love them.

Why do they say "Mr Epstein?" Is it because they're on camera and they want people to know who they're talking about? Does it have something to do with the maharishi telling them certain ways to talk about Brian? Does anyone have any thoughts about that?

Okay so you know how I just said last time how emotionally mature George was? I still think it's generally more true of him than the others, but this right here? This is not it. "I don't want to do any of my songs in the show because they'll all just turn out shitty." Man has issues.

I think it's important to recognize that George and Paul have both said the literal word "divorce" and it's NBD. But when John does it, Paul takes it as "the groups really over and I have to go into hiding and not get out of bed and maybe od who knows." Why? There's another puzzle piece here that we're missing.

"Should we leave you for a while?" "YES!"

On the one hand I'm like "working on Maxwell is the last thing you guys should be doing with this time alone." But on the other thing maybe it's the only thing they can do at this point.

"Mal? You should get a hammer. And an anvil." As he's walking away. Main character in a contrived mad genius biopic. Except it's real.

"Joan" sounding suspiciously like "John" ... And then he goes "fool, Maxwell fool." Aka one of their ~special words~ New theory. John hates Maxwell because he dies in it. And Paul's the killer.

"Take it away Johnny." Even though it was George and John whistling before wasn't it? Did George get cut from the whistle chorus? Another straw on the camel's back.

I LOVE that John just does not know any of his own songs. Across the Universe my beloved!

On the glyn/Paul moment featured below, I have three thoughts. 1. Whore. 2. John Lennon villain origin story. 3. The fact that glyn didn't just tell John is striking.

"I wish it fucking would". "Cause I'm down." This lyric going from a self-soothing reassurance that his people aren't going to leave him that he'll always have this beautiful dream he's created with them. To this? I hate it here.

So there is a big emotional and energy difference between their Beatlemania selves singing "Rock and Roll Music" and their current selves. And part of it is due to the fact that they're just not as happy as they were then. But I think most of it is really just that they thrive when they're performing for an audience.

#Sorry for the scarcity of shitty pics to break up the block of text in this one.#Hopefully the next one will be better #paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #Get back

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starbylers · 3 months

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This is a response to the person who sent me an ask about their doubt last week, just hiding it below incase people don’t want to see that :)

For context this is an in-depth explanation of:

Why Mike’s monologue had to happen

Hi! And yeah of course I can try. I fully understand why the monologue is throwing you off and as someone who doesn’t believe Mike was consciously lying you’ve come to the right place lol. I explained a little more about why I think that in the tags here if you wanted to read more about that perspective. I’ll probably link to a few other posts in this aswell because it ties into a lot of stuff I’ve made Byler analyses about before.

So the thing you said about his arc being ‘does he love her or not?’ is what I think is causing the issue, because that isn’t Mike’s arc. You’re right in that that’s the question that is being posed to the audience at face value, but that’s not his character journey. I have a long post about this here but essentially, the core driving force of a character cannot be another person—Mike needs to, and does, have his own personal inner conflicts which the Byler perspective provides (pressure to perform being grown up which is made incredibly obvious to us in s3, and dealing with the tumultuous process of figuring out that he is not straight in s4—I personally don’t think he’s there yet though, I think the full realisation of why he’s been having all these problems with Will & El is still to come).

The perspective of ‘yes he does’ love her just because he said the words is the crux of the entire plot twist, because it’s the conclusion people inevitably come to when they don’t pay attention to the details. (I don’t mean this insultingly at all btw! The whole thing is very subtle and easy to misinterpret). And ST is all about details, something which has been told to us by the creators and is also obvious in their use of foreshadowing/hinting/referencing in all aspects of the show, not just Byler.

Mike’s arc didn’t finish a season early. This has even been told to us i.e. by David talking about how s5 will pay off big characters including Mike, and Finn himself saying Mike still has a ‘journey’ to complete, and also just the fact that we don’t have the final season means no-one’s arcs are complete because the story isn’t complete. The fact that a “love confession” occurred at the midpoint (s4/5 are basically intended as two halves of one story—post explaining this here) is what makes it extremely obvious that Mlvn is not the conclusion of this tale.

The monologue can probably be said to have many purposes, but here are the main ones to me:

It presents a solution that ultimately ends in disaster, and associates that disaster with Mike and El’s romance. The monologue is so, so important in showing that Mike and El’s love did not, could not save the day. That it wasn’t strong enough—further proof from the script here. It shows that El got what she thought she wanted, only to discover it wasn’t what she really needed. It may have helped save her but it didn’t help her achieve her goals (save Max, kill Vecna). Kind of a metaphor for their entire relationship lol. It’s also supposed to show that not even an ‘I love you’ can fix their issues—they literally don’t speak afterwards. I’m not sure El’s fully processed all this yet, but figuring it out is what’s going to drive her arc towards self-actualisation and allow her to win next season.

It furthers the miscommunication plot between Mike and Will. It’s an indisputable fact that Will’s lie influenced that monologue. (We can tell just by watching but it’s also in the script if we needed even more proof lol. Not to mention: the track that plays behind it is You’re The Heart. The episode is called The Piggyback. Will’s face is right over Mike’s shoulder when he says ‘I love you’—Will is integral to and inseparable from that confession). That is so important, and something we’re supposed to notice. The whole point of the monologue is who’s really behind it (aka who’s really behind the painting & words that drove Mike’s speech), because this sets the stage for the Byler confrontation next season. It’s literally the Benverly poem plot from IT, something we know the Duffers have taken inspiration from.

If Mike hadn’t gone through with it, there would be no movement forward in the story, we’d enter s5 with exactly the same plot we just watched in s4—Mike trying to say he loves his girlfriend for the literal third season in a row. It’s boring, it’s not good entertainment. Mike finally saying it (and yet there still being problems between them & it occurring under questionable circumstances) pushes development in the narrative, sets up new conflict for the next season. Or, if Mlvn had decided to break up because of Mike not saying it in s4, that would’ve led to Byler becoming painfully obvious and ruining the twist they’ve been setting up for literal seasons. Everyone knows Will loves Mike, and if Mlvn broke up in that same season the entire audience would see the ending of the show coming from a mile away. Remember, Byler is being written as a plot twist. It’s very likely tied up with the supernatural plot too.

The content of the monologue itself is supposed to demonstrate precisely why Mlvn are finished, why they don’t work, and should raise people’s eyebrows about the legitimacy of Mike’s “confession”. Like you said…he remembered her t-shirt lol. It’s impersonal, nothing about why he loves her or what he loves about her; he literally, proveably, lies in it and anyone can verify that by watching s1; and he makes comparisons to superheroes which is the exact opposite of what El needs (her whole issue is thinking she’s either the monster or the superhero, when what she really needs is to stop thinking in such a binary, and learn to be El the teenage girl, the sister, the daughter, the friend, the human being, and find her power in that).

And something else they purposefully do this season is give us examples of other love confessions to contrast and show how ingenuine Mike’s really is: Jancy & Will (not my original post! I just expanded on op’s point).

Now as I said before I don’t think Mike intentionally lied. My opinion is that he knows deep down something is not right with their relationship and that he doesn’t feel how he should, but after Will’s speech and encouragement he choses to believe that he can love her, that he can be what she needs (except it’s not what she needs, it’s what Will needs lol). So not lying, but the monologue is basically a desperate attempt to a) grasp at straightness and b) save her life. He’s in denial, and also terrified of her dying. Very bad combo.

So yeah there’s my reasoning :) what you were saying about the potential of a familial ‘I love you’ is true, yeah it could’ve ended the plot line. But that’s the kind of thing that should be a conclusion to the entire story, something that occurs right before victory not disaster. Because then what would the implication be? That El’s family’s love isn’t enough for her to save the world?

And the way they will explain the monologue is so simple. It’s Will. It’s Will’s feelings that inspired Mike. All that needs to happen is for Mike to realise that, and the audience will realise it along with him. Mike: I only said that because of how much Will loves me? Audience: Oh! So he doesn’t actually love her! It’s Will, Will is who he’s meant to be with! It’s a classic ‘the person who was right in front of them all along’ trope. Once people understand that, it basically makes truly romantic interpretations of the monologue invalid.

I can’t say exactly how the ending will play out—I expect we’ll see the cracks in Mlvn shatter rapidly as s5 progresses, maybe more arguing/demonstration of their incompatibility or El asking Mike to say it to her face and he still can’t, Mike and Will simultaneously getting closer and it becoming increasingly obvious that Mike is in love—but I’m choosing to trust they’ll do it justice. Mike’s monologue is just a key turning point in the larger story.

Also just one last thing, you said he seems sincere and I do agree but I think it’s because his fear in that moment is extremely real, and there are truths within his monologue i.e. that he doesn’t want to lose her etc. so that’s where it’s coming from in my opinion :)

#byler #anti mileven #sorry anon I meant to respond earlier but this week got hectic with those leaks lol #anyway here you go <3 #this is very long btw but I wanted to cover all bases

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pinkandpurple360 · 4 months

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im not even a huge fizzarozzie stan, but why are you so obsessed with warping the ship into being this huge dumpsterfire of toxicity that fizz needs to leave in order to reunite with his “soulmate” blitzo?

“Ozzie doesn’t understand him” bruh Ozzie is literally the only person who understands him he said so himself. And even the person who you’re closest toowill be kinda perplexed if the guy you hated for 10+ years suddenly becomes your bestie.

“They’ll be taking some time apart and might take a look at this codependency issue.” - lol no way viv’s doing that lol shes going all in on them being a duo. Like dont get me wrong I think they’re a bit too uwu joined at the hip for me but it’s not this horrible ship where fizz is kept in a gilded birdcage forever.

“I think karma will hit him and he’ll get his own version of what he put Moxxie through. Specifically Asmodeus, Fizz to a lesser extent.” in a perfect world I’d actually hope this would happen but considering Viv portrayed all of Hell as fangirls for them, this is 1000% Not Happening.

”Fizz definitely isn’t his first ever love, if the demonology is anything to go by. The story of Sarah in the Book of Tobit is Asmodeus’ most famous story so to exclude that would be a disservice to the character.” Viv spoils her plot points through Twitter likes, she confirmed Tobit/all demonology stories aren’t canon to Helluva unless directly stated :/ and she’s liked many versions of tweets basically saying Ozzie has never had romantic feelings ever until Fizz and never will again after he dies.

and Blitzø is his own brand of fucked up, even more so than Fizz and Ozzie combined. No way in hell those two would work out without some SERIOUS therapy on Blitzø’s end.

I think you actually clearly are a big fizzarozzie fan? you’re blowing the one time someone criticises the ship out of proportion, getting defensive, and using dramatic words like “obsessed” “warping” and “soulmate” I’m literally the 1% here. There are lots of shipping spaces you can go instead. The way the fandom treats this ship like a fragile gem shows it could do with some looking at. When people refuse to let you critique something that’s how you know it’s hiding some problems.

Who is warping anything by just noticing the events that happen and interpreting them in a way you don’t agree with?

Oz misunderstands him more than he understands. They bicker, they miscommunicate, and in the end they try again. and it isn’t all about blitz, because Oz never understood why he needed to compete in the contest at the start of Oops, he doesn’t notice fizz hiding things from him, he doesn’t listen to fizz when he worries that eyes are around, and confesses his love without Fizz fully agreeing to it. Sure Fizz hugs him or laughs it off but can’t they have some agreement on when it’s a secret and when it isn’t? He doesn’t understand Fizzs identity crisis, his need for approval from mammon, his past, any of it.

Viv also likes Crimson x Chaz fanart, art of ValAngel and Vox being a couple, art of Fizz dying, art of him being immortal, art of characters dating ocs. Art of her own self inserts, art of Blitz shape shifting into a dragon, art of Blitz and Fizz having reciprocated love, art of Alessio being Moxxies stepdad, Etc etc. That’s not enough to go on.

“The first and last time he’ll ever experience love” that is just plain weird. And obsessive. Not to mention bad writing. I’ve never heard anyone talk like that. He’s way too possessive of Fizz. He has to live his entire life with Asmodeus and die in his arms in his tower where’s he’s all alone? I hope not. That’s almost worse than him being made an immortal imp.

“She’s going all in on them being a duo” what are you talking about. Like what does this mean. She also said a main character might die and some of them don’t get happy endings.

What do you mean it’s 1000% not happening? Denial much? It already did in S2E6, with the article, the way the staff negatively react, the fact mammon said he’ll regret revealing it? The people at the show are literally Fizzarolli’s fandom, safe to say they aren’t everyone.

All demonology is not canon is just a straight up not factual statement, she makes constant references to demonology. His design is inspired by it, his apparent disapproval of monogamy is inspired by it, why would his biggest story not be referenced whatsoever? Isn’t it possible that Ozzie had his heart broken before and that’s why he’s afraid? Dang. Chill out.

As for your last paragraph, I think you just hate Blitz, ignore the fact that he’s going through development, and need to chill out. Pump the breaks a lil. Soulmates don’t exist.

#helluva boss critical #fizzarozzie critical

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bookaddict24-7 · 3 months

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REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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24. Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read January 2024

I've been wanting to re-read this series for a while because I never finished it. I remember really enjoying this first book in the series because of the competition aspect of it and I'd say I still enjoyed that!

I also see the foreshadowing for the MC's ability to attract all of the men in her life LOL. While I might not have enjoyed it as much as the first time, I still enjoyed it for the most part. There were a lot of things I forgot about and was delighted to be reminded of. The MC is a badass, but her constant "I could kill him with two moves" comments at the beginning had me rolling my eyes a few times.

Even though I know book two will break my heart again, I can't wait to pick it up. Also, SO MANY clues in this one about her identity that I missed the first time around. Definitely one of those books that is worth reading more than once just to catch all of the little pieces of the overall puzzle.

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25. Mixed Signals by B.K. Borison--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have a bit of a gripe with this author. While I like a good chunk of the books she writes, the third act breakups are so infuriating. They take away all of those happy feelings that were building up throughout the book because the drama and miscommunication for the third acts are freaking ridiculous.

I was listening to this book last night when it happened--the inevitable "I'm afraid and a coward and let me let you stew in this miscommunication so that it somehow makes sense for me to break up with you because I'm so scared." Listen, as someone who has anxiety and has relegated herself to singledom because I don't want to deal with the messy emotions, I UNDERSTAND. It's freaking scary. BUT. But for the love of god, there are better ways around this. This manufactured and forced drama is so frustrating. I literally wanted to throw the book out the window.

These characters deserve better.

Three stars because I loved them when they were actually functioning like human beings and not drama puppets. Three stars for the small town side characters, who I have loved the whole way through this series (I'd give THEM a higher rating). And three stars for the diversity of a Latine character (even if the Spanish was sometimes questionable.)

Will I read the last book? Of course. I want to read about the other couple, but I KNOW that I'm going to be frustrated as well. Listen, I didn't think I was going to get as annoyed as with the climax of book one (because book two was actually kind of okay with the climax), but oh man. The FRUSTRATION.

Sigh. Moving on. Read this series if you want cute moments and sexy characters, but be prepared for the moments of frustration. This FMC has a lot of things to work through and I think one of the things that frustrates me the most about these third act breakups is that they feel like they come out of nowhere. They're fine in the moment and then boom, "I'm a coward."

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26. Breathless by Amy McCulloch--⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of the issues I have with adult thrillers is that I sometimes build them up a lot more in my head than the story itself. While BREATHLESS kind of suffers from this, it had its interesting and captivating moments.

I thought the mountain climbing aspect of the book was really cool and I wanted the MC to prove everyone wrong, including her awful ex-boyfriend. Granted I know nothing about mountain climbing, but that aspect of the book is probably one of the main reasons why I kept listening to this audiobook.

The mystery was not predictable but also it kind of was? LOL. It's hard to explain--I didn't actively think it was one person, but when it was all revealed, I thought it made a lot of sense. Like I said, I thought the mountain climbing was the true thrilling aspect of this book.

Overall, this was fun and I loved that ending, but it wasn't something I think I'll be thinking about a month from now. It was good, but *shrug*.

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27. Slewfoot by Brom--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I didn't know what to expect from this beautiful book. I purchased it a couple of years ago because all of my friends were talking about it, so of course I fell to the peer pressure. Just like the beautiful and eerie artwork, the story itself is unsettling and straddles that morally grey line of justified vengeance and anger versus a society's portrayal of evil (ie. a woman refusing to be cowed by a male's authority.)

Reading this gave me this odd sense of satisfaction when everything came to a head--especially thinking about all of the women who were accused of witchcraft and murdered. I especially felt this anger when I think about how many people the MC helped and how those people let their fear and hatred guide their actions against her. I think, beyond the cowardice of a man not accepting defeat, that angered me the most--women turning on each other because of a male dominated society's idealism and "godliness".

Needless to say, I loved this and couldn't put it down. I wanted to know what came next, even though I KNEW it wouldn't be something good. I'm just grateful that Brom knew that I would be looking for those satisfying moments of vengeance.

Also, I'd call this terror in the sense of that overhanging fear of what comes next. But even with the gory bits and the blood lust, I'd say the real terror in this book is humanity and how easily they are swayed. It all leads to me wanting to ask: who is the true devil here?

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28. From Dead to Worse by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I can't believe I've made it this far! Although, I have this feeling I have because the deja vu is hitting me HARD.

FROM DEAD TO WORSE had so much going on, but unlike some of the other books before this one, this one actually took place closer to home. I kind of missed reading about Sookie's misadventures near her home. We got to revisit a lot of her relationships with the men in her life in this one--like the cleanser book for any ends that weren't fully cut clean.

I may have been spoiled for who's endgame, so I am totally seeing how Harris starting laying down the little hints here and there. But even so, knowing this doesn't stop certain moments from feeling bittersweet for me.

More things were revealed and Sookie grew even more as a character. I understood why she made the choices she made because she's finally putting her self-worth above those of the men in her life, but I still DID feel a little bad for her beau in this one. But again, I am on her side because she's been dealt some shitty men cards in the last eight books.

Onto the next one!

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29. The Fake Mate by Lana Ferguson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

After trying and failing to read Ferguson's THE NANNY, I really wasn't sure what to expect with this vastly different genre of a book. I'm honestly so glad I decided to give this a shot anyway because THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN.

I was hooked onto the story and I loved the different tropes that were used. The whole grumpy/sunshine thing will always be a winner with me, and I am a puddle for this kind of tension. And don't even get me started on the smut. Omg, this man. The dirty talk in this was *chef's kiss*. This man is hot HOT.

I also really liked how the climax of the story was handled, even if one of my least favourite tropes was temporarily employed. I admire a self-sufficient FMC who can slap some sense into the MMC.

I do recommend this book to romance lovers, but I know that the topics explored in this book may be new to some. Research beforehand might be an awkward time LOL.

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30. Just Happy to Be Here by Naomi Kanakia--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I want to preface my review by stating that I am not a member of the Trans community, so my opinions on this book are from an outsider's perspective.

JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE was an intense read, both because of the clear transphobia and because of the MC's youth/naive nature about the people around her. The number of times she was cut off by those around her, or had such clear transphobic comments and actions done against her and she brushed them off was rage-inducing. I think I know why she does this--especially at the end, when it all ties up really nicely together, but in the moment, I felt immense rage towards the people around her.

Kanakia's novel touches on so much happening right now in society and how people twist narratives to fit their agendas and their means. How some people can see one person as an "object" to further their ideologies.

This book just made me feel a lot and made me so angry, but I know I am privileged in my cis-life. My heart broke for the kids who are in these situations and/or are surrounded by people who just refuse to see beyond their own biases and hatred.

I also appreciate the representation of the complex familial relationship between the MC and her parents--it may have been imperfect, but as an adult, I can see the love there for their daughter.

Between the beautiful cover, the emotionally stimulating and thought-provoking story, and the raw reality of a young character trying to figure herself out, I do recommend JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE. I do also recommend that the TWs be heeded: transphobic language, transphobia, internalized racism, transmisogyny. Read with care--but know that this is a pretty important story. Also, Kanakia has a pretty great author's note at the end!

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31. The Probability of Everything by Sarah Everett--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE PROBABILITY OF EVERYTHING was so much more than what I was expecting and although my heart feels wounded and my eyes are still feeling that aching pressure after a good cry, I'm so grateful I was able to experience it.

Twelve year old me wishes she had this book to read when my world changed so irrevocably, much like the MC of this book.

This heartbreaking novel follows a young scientist-to-be who likes to deal with probabilities in exchange for the anxiety surrounding her world ending. We are faced with a family grieving the end and how everyone handles it differently.

I don't even know what else to say about this book for fear of spoiling it--but know that it is powerful, important, and heart-rending.

___

32. Long Shot by Kennedy Ryan--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read: January 2024

I've been wanting to re-read LONG SHOT for a while, even though it is a very heavy and dark book. I had forgotten just how dark this book gets and while I highly recommend it, I do still super recommend you check out the trigger warnings.

Despite the dark and the abuse, the shining light was the blossoming romance between the two MCs and how, if something is truly destined for you, it'll happen.

LONG SHOT is a book full of emotion, heart, heartbreak, and a bit of magic in the sense that Karma is a bitch and it comes for all. Also, the FMC is one strong woman who did everything she could to protect those she loves. Kennedy touches on the misconceptions that haunt survivors of DA, which I thought was a very important aspect of the book.

Now I want to read the rest of the trilogy, which I never read after the first time I read this one.

___

33. Two Twisted Crowns by Rachel Gillig--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am always wary of sequels--especially when it's for fantasy books I initially really enjoyed. Somehow, Rachel Gillig delivers a sequel that was even better than the first book. TWO TWISTED CROWNS was a delight of a read full of dark moments, high intensity, anger, and a love story I felt more deeply than in book one.

The angst alone between two of the characters I wasn't expecting to see together was better than I could have ever hoped for. This was what made this book even more fun--just me casually waiting for these characters to just cross that line with each other.

Also, I found that TWO TWISTED CROWNS had me reacting more viscerally towards the hateful villains. The way I wanted to smack a bitch in this book because how dare they hurt these precious beings?

And, hi, I wasn't expecting to cry? Imagine that I'm enjoying this darker fantasy novel when all of a sudden, my eyes start to water during an emotional scene.

Let's applaud Gillig for making this a duology (hopefully) and not dragging this in a ten series saga. This whole series was such an incredible piece of fiction. I'm glad I fell into the hype and read these two books.

___

34. Holes by Louis Sachar--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read January 2024

I don't even know how many times I read this when I was a kid. Reading it as an adult now was such an interesting experience. For one, the story felt a lot shorter and quicker than I remember it being. I also remembered everything because I'm not kidding when I say that I read this A LOT as a kid.

Being an adult, I can also see how truly sad this story could get--especially one of the historical stories told throughout the book.

Such an amazing classic and truly a gem.

___

Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

___

Happy reading!

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rekikiri · 28 days

Note

1. Rant to me about a book you absolutely hate!!!!!! (For the ask game)

ahhh I’m so glad you picked this one!! Thanks for the ask!

so I don’t have a lot of books I can think of that I hated but the first to come to mind that I hated (and finished) was She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen (warning that this got super long so I’m doing a see more for it)

let me preface this that it is my opinion and if you like it that is totally fine!! also spoiler warning

okay for starters, fake dating is something I enjoy quite a bit! I really love fake dating, but I’m usually not a huge fan if it is to make someone else jealous tho which is a big part of Scottie’s motivation, so already off to a bad start.

Scottie is the main character here. Her and irene are supposedly enemies, but the events that make them hate each other are just not comparable to me. The reason Scottie hated Irene was LITERALLY A MISCOMMUNICATION. It would’ve been so quick and easy to clear it up but instead she hated Irene and was so mean to her (explained later)

There’s an incident at the start of the series where there’s a small car accident between the two and Irene needs her car repaired. Irene’s mom insisted that she had to pay for it, and to do so she would’ve likely need to quit cheer to get a job to cover it. So in the meantime, they’re carpooling. Scottie and her girlfriend had broken up not long before the book starts so Scottie offers to pay Irene $1000 to fake date her to make her ex jealous (which is just insane, you are 17 years old, a relationship is not worth it if you are needing to spend money to fake date a pretty girl to make her jealous). They only even broke up because her girlfriend was moved to another school haha not even out of STATE just a little bit away.

Scottie talks about Irene being mean but she really isn’t?? Like Scottie is so much meaner to Irene and is super judgmental.

Here are some examples of things scottie did to Irene (using a book review to confirm my info for this because I read this like 2+ years ago and it just has stuck with me so might be some slight inaccuracies)

1. Tells irene she is “too stupid” and that’s why she didn’t get into an AP class

2. Purposefully makes Irene spill her coffee on herself while driving her to school (then does the stupid ‘name three songs’ thing about the Green Day shirt Irene was wearing)

3. Said its misogynistic that cheerleaders always cheered for the boys sports and told Irene that cheer wasn’t a real sport anyways (multiple times) and insists that she didn’t deserve the student athlete of the year award even tho she worked her ass off to deserve it (and damn if that ain’t some misogynistic bullshit if you ask me)

Here’s a quote I found in the reviews that is a big reason why I fucking hate scottie

"It's not my fault you're so fucking insecure about being a cheerleader or that no one, including your own mother, takes you seriously about it."

That’s just so fucked up, I’m sorry. I would never fucking date her if she said that shit to me

NOT TO MENTION

Wanna know what Irene did that was supposedly so awful?

Had Scottie’s car towed. And it wasn’t even malicious! She accidentally had Scottie’s car towed when she was trying to have someone else’s towed to prevent them from driving drunk after a party they were at. Like if I were Scottie id be pretty pissed but like ? Just make her pay the fucking fee to get it back. Don’t need to be a huge bitch about it. She would’ve known it was an accident too if she just TALKED TO HER, but no, decided Irene was her worst enemy ever

And we find out about what happened after Scottie kissed her ex at a party after her and irene are sorta getting together for real, and brings the car issue up when irene is upset with her for it. Like I’m sorry you’re only going to bring up the awful “oh you towed my car” thing when you just kissed your ex when you’re with her??? Nope not comparable whatsoever I’m sorry

AND when she asked Irene to fake date her, Irene wasn’t out!! She was out to her family but Scottie really put her in a shitty situation with her offer. She either had to get a job and quit cheer (which if I remember correctly was how she planned to get a college scholarship!!!) OR she could fake date this mean girl for money and out herself in the process. I hated that and that’s only the smallest of things

Small thing too is that apparently the book was set where I live?? Funny that it even mentions where they are from because I have not a single memory of any specific thing that would make me think it is set here haha

Anyways yeah if you made it this far, thank you for hearing my bitchy book thoughts. I cannot think of a single other book that I’ve read start to finish that I dislike enough to say this much about it (I’m very good at knowing if ill hate a book before I start it and I’m very easy to please as is)

#ask game #yes-I-exist-shutup ask

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autisticandroids · 2 years

Text

anyway SPEAKING! of wildly ooc shit from the carver era. i need to talk about goodbye stranger for a minute. anyway the thing about goodbye stranger is that it's kind of a tragedy of miscommunication that's no one's fault. we the audience see cas brainwashed and forced to murder hundreds of copies of dean, and how traumatic that was for him, and the devotion to dean it implies. because of that we understand that dean matters to him deeply, and when he says "i don't know" in response to dean's "what broke the connection?" he's lying to hide how much he cares from dean, because when dean said "i need you," cas interpreted that as being about usefulness, not affection. on the other hand, dean was just beaten for no reason by his best friend, and bared his soul to him on his knees in that crypt, and then that friend gives a rushed explanation about some kind of brainwashing dean had no idea was even possible, a few incomplete, avoidant answers, and leaves, while dean, though physically healed, is still feeling totally emotionally raw from both the violence and the vulnerability.

basically, it's a situation that's designed to cause maximum hurt feelings which is maximally no one's fault.

now, obviously, people who are bad at watching television find ways to make cas into a villain here anyway. one of the most common bitter deangirl refrains that i see, even from the more reasonable ones, is that cas sucks for leaving after goodbye stranger. to which i say, can't a man take a moment to think after receiving hundreds of lobotomies? can't be be forgiven if he does not immediately swallow his own issues and work on fixing dean's, especially since he has no way of knowing what dean's are?

but also like, that makes sense, because the lobotomy plot is one of the most dean-centric cas plots in the show. like, it's not really about cas' trauma, that's secondary. we never see cas process or reflect on it after the fact. it's not really relevant to cas' character. the main thread of the lobotomy plot is actually dean being hurt and confused that cas isn't there or it acting strange. it's about dean's feelings. even if you look at torn and frayed, which is about the most cas-centric episoode of the lobotomy arc, the beat the episode ends on is the winchesters being kinda like "hey what's up with that guy? he's acting weird. is he a potential threat?" rather than concern for his well-being or anything. like the main takeaway from the episode isn't supposed to be "oh no, cas is suffering!" it's supposed to be "oh no, cas is brainwashed and might be dangerous/Not Himself!" and this is highlighted even more because the angel we see cas kill is samandriel, an angel we care about not because of his relationship with cas - we never see them interact under non-brainwashed circumstances - but because of his relationship (or at least, previous conversation) with dean. it makes sense to just ignore the effect it might have on cas.

plus, if you're thinking about the original draft of goodbye stranger and the i love you, and a lot of people are and do, then cas comes off looking a lot worse. like, in the canon version of goodbye stranger, cas' "i don't know" is logical emotional self-protection. he's refusing to show dean the vulnerability of caring, which makes sense, given that cas has just been, you know, lobotomized hundreds of times for caring about dean, and he has no idea how dean will react (dean seems pretty mad!). but in the "i love you" version, dean has just shown cas extreme vulnerability in a way even cas can't misunderstand, and cas' refusal to show his own in return is somewhere between clueless and callous. that version of cas is fleeing from his own vulnerability, either lying to himself about it or trying to. and that's still fundamentally sympathetic and doesn't make cas some kind of villain. once again i must say, can't a man take a moment to think after receiving hundreds of lobotomies? but it's still way more on cas than the canon version. it's also not that believable, since cas is uh. pretty aware that dean is his weakness and vulnerability at the very least starting in season six.

okay so this has been kind of a long ramble because it's about eight posts rolled into one, but i needed that stuff as groundwork for my point, which is: it doesn't actually make a lot of sense that cas leaves at the end of goodbye stranger.

like, i was talking to @housewife-castiel about bitter deangirls who are soooooo mad about goodbye stranger and she was like "cas was justified in leaving with the tablet because dean hates angels and would have used it for ill" which is like. that's true. that's definitely true. however, i think it's out of character for cas, because one of cas' greatest and most tragic flaws is failing to recognize that dean is a danger to his other loved ones. he sees the best in dean, often to his detriment and the detriment of those he cares about.

and there's not really another good reason why you could see him leaving with the tablet. certainly there isn't one presented. like, when i first watched season eight, i assumed it meant that he had been like, brainwashed by the tablet into serving its own purposes, which isn't really a stretch given that the tablet seems integral to breaking naomi's brainwashing, but is also never brought up so like. i don't think that's what happened.

the only other reason i can think of for cas to leave with the tablet is because he needs some space due to he just got a bunch of lobotomies and was traumatically forced to nearly beat dean to death and now dean is standing in front of him. this, by the way, jives way better with the "i love you" version - if cas is running from his feelings, it makes sense for him to run. but even then, i don't think it's believable, because like... cas is not a skillful spontaneous liar. he does lie sometimes, but it's rehearsed, and he seems so suddenly certain about the tablet that it really scans as genuine.

the real reason cas leaves with the tablet, obviously, is that they don't want to pay misha collins for like the next four episodes, so they have to find some way to write him out. i'm sure that they were planning to justify it later and then never got around to it. but in-universe it just... doesn't make a ton of sense.

#spn

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birlwrites · 1 year

Note

that previous ask didn’t come from me, but that one line is doing things to me, so here i am!

they started missing each other long before sirius left.

see, this, right here, is one of their core issues: there was little to no communication between them, even before sirius severed the last ties of their relationship when he ran away. they constantly missed each other in every sense of the word: in the way they longed for the relationship they used to have, but also they just. were never on the same track at the same time, if that makes sense?

i’m so curious to see how sirius feels about regulus in ttdl, because in tyrant, he outright states that he would always be his brother, but he just chose not to reach out mainly because he doesn’t know how walburga and orion would react to that if they were to hear of it. but, and correct me if i’m wrong, i’m pretty sure you’ve said before that sirius doesn’t feel/think exactly the same in ttdl, so where does that leave him?

like we’ve seen that regulus misses him, even though he never says it, not even thinks it. but most of his internal monologue in the recent chapters where he’s in grimmauld makes it pretty damn obvious that he hasn’t quite adapted to his brother’s absence, even though he doesn’t really realises it, seeing as that would require Emotional Awareness and Feelings Acknowledgement, which are very much not in the Regulus Black Skill Set.

but i’m curious to see if sirius feels/thinks the same way, if he unconsciously just brings up regulus in his own head when he sees, hears or does certain things. which is why i’m very excited for the next chapter, because Black Brothers Interaction, and i’ve also been dying to see what happens since you posted those last few lines of the last chapter on here, like, weeks ago.

anyway, all of this to say, i’m very fond of the black brothers and their particular brand of drama and miscommunication, and i’m really excited to see what you do with them <3

— 💌

re: not being on the same track at the same time, YES ABSOLUTELY - a lot of the time they're almost operating in different universes that play by different rules, and that means they're destined to miss each other

i've probably said at some point that sirius doesn't feel exactly the same way in ttdl afhslgkdhfj that seems like something i would say and it is true - the main difference is that in tyrant, sirius and regulus's estrangement is largely driven by their parents. in ttdl, while that is still *very much* the case, both of them have had enough of a hand in it to feel senses of both blame and guilt for how it's gone

so ttdl sirius has all of that going on, and he and regulus also both have their pride - the question is just who's better at swallowing it (not regulus) and who's better at actually admitting that something has gone wrong between them and they want to fix it (also not regulus)

sirius isn't going to chase regulus down on the train or anything like that, but he's more thoughtful than regulus gives him credit for (because regulus would really like to blame sirius running away on sirius being impetuous) and after the events of the next chapter, the wheels will be turning in his brain

so the reconciliation is an arc more than it is a scene or even a chapter - it's going to be an ONGOING process because it'll take a lot of time for regulus and sirius to work through the. everything. but soon they're going to start talking to each other again and that will be its own point of no return

#should i make an inbox tag #dark lord wip #i want to be clear that like - them reconciling is not quick lmao #there's a ton of buildup #after ch 36 sirius is going to vanish again for a hot second but i swear he will be back shortly afjslghskfjdfd #regulus is just going to have. some other concerns. in ch 37 and 38

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errorsharingiscaring · 2 years

Text

Moon Knight System Relationship Analysis + Other Notes (Episode 2)

Marc and Steven are here! Jake is missing! Marvel BANNED!

Disclaimer: I do not have DID and to my knowledge have never met a system. I will fix any mistakes that people point out.

TW: A bit of Swearing.

<_>

Straight into my heart.

That’s where they go.

I know this is how hyperfixations work but I am so baffled by how HARD these guys have clawed into my heart. I’ve rewatched the entire show beginning to end with full interest, not even wanting it as background noise for scrolling on my phone (even though I was scrolling through the Moon Knight tag) it was just that compelling – Marc, Steven, Layla, Jake, Khonshu, Arthur, just fricking everything like what the fish.

Yeah I’ll get bored of this eventually. This clinical analysis of each moment is killing the interest, so soon this is just gonna become another Marvel show that I remember being obsessed with but forget most important stuff about in like two weeks.

Until that happens, I wanna leave notes for myself when I come back to this season in the future. (istg if they don’t give a season 2 before they have Moon Knight appear in a major movie I’m gonna become a Jake Lockley stan out of pure spite.)

Let’s go!

Starting off the same way that the Alps dream ended – Marc's best attempt to make it seem like a nightmare to Steven. And honestly at any other point it probably would have worked again. Steven’s core emotion is denial, refusing to acknowledge that he may need help, refusing to talk to even his mother about his issues – Marc has probably been making Steven believe that he has the most vivid and wild nightmares in the world for a while.

But this time doesn’t work. Too much has come together, and as I said before, Steven’s “I’m gonna die” was him finally refusing denial and accepting that this is reality. So he wakes up running, with a tired sigh, broken from his own denial illusions, and the first thing he does – getting in front of a mirror and taunting Marc – was where Steven’s transformation from meek, shy nerd to someone who can actually hold his own begins. With sarcasm and frustration and anger, Steven without the lies he tells himself - “You there? Hmm? No?... Yeah [bitch], didn’t think so.”

And I think at this point when he sees Marc fronting at the museum, Steven has only an inkling about their DID. The way he called Marc not real - that was Steven calling himself insane, that he has voices in his head, you know. And while the jackal may have been invisible, Marc appearing on the cameras, very clearly a different demeanor and posture than Steven - “That’s not me” - it’s confirmation that he isn’t insane, that at least Marc is real.

But the frustration doesn’t end – the security camera footage was contradictory, jackal being “not real”, Marc “real”, and Steven, who has lived in denial for so long, can’t make his mind up fully that he isn’t crazy. So he seeks more proof – the storage locker.

Broken out of denial, Steven has no nice emotions to display. He’s frustrated, he’s lost, he’s angry, he is still very confused about what Marc actually is and how he’s affected his life. Added to his very real and reasonable anger is all the illegal stuff Marc has hidden away – all Steven sees are the worst parts of Marc, his country-hopping mercenary work that made him an international fugitive. From this point on, Steven is fully antagonistic towards a very real criminal that should be behind bars (in his opinion, at least), and the guy “that’s behind all of the bad things that have happened in his life” (in his opinion, obviously).

That’s why Steven is at Marc’s throat. And Marc reacts reasonably – how would you treat a person that obviously hates you? Be snarky and annoyed and sarcastic right back to them.

It’s miscommunication, it’s Marc’s main issue – he wants to protect Steven from this life until the very bitter end, when he has no other choice. Steven isn’t an equal partner to him like Layla is. Steven is... Well, we figure out what Steven is to Marc in Episode 5. Until then, the comparison of Marc as oldest brother, Jake the middle brother and Steven the youngest is quite accurate.

And this episode is where the main cast figures out that Steven and Marc are a system, separate alters. The one who figured it out first was Harrow – off-screen, mostly. In episode one, he calls Steven by Marc’s moniker – mercenary, someone that’s gotten in his way. But then in the Alps he meets Steven, a complete opposite of the mercenary – easy to assume that was a temporary act to get him out of a tough spot, especially the “Here you can have it! Oh no my hand has clasped around it!” (Classic taunt)

But finding Steven Grant in the museum he said he worked at changed things. From how Harrow talks to him, we can assume that while Harrow knows of the mercenary, it was probably only his second time actually meeting him – Harrow is trying to reason with a hired gun, trying to appeal to his morality, recruit him to his cult. Perhaps an inkling that Steven Grant and Marc Mercenary Spector aren’t exactly the same, but then he sees the calling card of Khonshu – flickering lights, mysterious wind, and he tries his scales maybe to kill him, maybe to prove a point against Khonshu. But it’s not what he expected - “There’s chaos in you”, scales in perpetual motion. (Which if we really think about it should be everyone’s - how can you know for sure that everything will occur in just the right way to make a person do the evil/good thing that the scales see? The whole concept of Ammit is apparently she knows you so well she can predict your actions in the future – taking in every factor around you, taking in every possibility, everything that can happen to you, heck, she can apparently see how other people around you will affect you, and she can see all of those peoples’ scales and somehow nothing contradicts itself and the future is just that predetermined that she can accurately say that this and this will happen – it’s just the same issue with time travel that MCU avoided with that “Your present is now your past” shtick. How omniscient is she, how far into the future can she see, could she have seen the world-ending events that shaped the Avengers – it would be worth freeing her for that, preparation for destruction- BUT THEN THE PARADOX OF TIME TRAVEL IF YOU KNOW THAT SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN AND THAT KNOWLEDGE IS WHAT PREVENTS IT HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THE EVENT IF YOU KNOWING ABOUT THE EVENT PREVENTS IT FROM HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAA-)

Ammit is confusing. Harrow doesn’t seem to realize that. But he does realize that Steven Grant is not the Marc Mercenary Spector he is looking for. Few people could come to the conclusion of DID that easily, it’s not a common thing that pops into one’s head, but Harrow has some experience in that aspect. He was Khonshu’s Avatar – in a way, he had a Khonshu alter. Maybe the thought doesn’t fully form after he weighs Steven’s scales, but from how later on the “detectives” talk to Steven, it’s reasonable to assume the three of them came to the conclusion that they “should make sure”, hence the dance to bring Steven to Harrow’s community, where Harrow is then 100% sure.

Layla’s first thought seems to be “amnesia”. “You really don’t remember why we’ve been looking for this”, “I know you have the suit, you bring it out”. But then Steven dons the suit, and, subsequently, Marc. The difference between the two of them, how they’ve acted, how they look wearing the same armor – it clicks at that moment. There was her Marc – in his “best feature”. And from then on they’re separate.

So how does Steven come to terms with it? Well pretty much the whole episode people are mistaking Marc for him, and he has to keep saying (and reassuring himself) that it’s not him. The only person that seems to actually believe his dilemma – that he and Marc are not the same – is Harrow. Would be comforting, if it weren’t for the fact he wants to kill millions of people based on poor beliefs in an all-mighty omniscient being that has to transcend every time travel paradox ever created to be a good... god? Judge? Purger of the world? Thanos 2.0? Take out the mass murder and questionable moral standing and... yeah, Harrow’s comfort is comforting.

So does Steven believe he’s not insane? Maybe. Even in episode 4 he is adamant about Marc “disappearing” once he’s done with Khonshu, although that can be taken as just him biting back at Marc. If I had to pick a moment where Steven stopped treating Marc as an insanity-provoked hallucination, it would be post storage locker. At that point, he knew Marc wasn’t just a voice, he could be in control of the body the same way Steven is. And the money, the passport, it spoke to a history that this “voice” could have very realistically had, considering Steven’s frequent blackouts. He asks what Marc is, and even though his words sound ridiculous, there’s been a fair share of crazy these past few days. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard” - has a panic attack because the stupidest thing he’s ever heard is real.

DID is never used as a term in the show, it can be explained as both the showrunners/writers chickening out of an actual conversation about it, and it can be the fact that the system itself doesn’t know the term, nor do most, possibly all of the characters. But Steven listening to Marc in the conversation with Layla, seeming to understand that the two of them are separately in control of the body, is a confirmation for us that Steven is aware of what is happening to him, even if he doesn’t give it a name.

So by the time Harrow acquires the scarab and episode 2 ends, everyone important is aware that Steven Grant and Marc Spector are separate.

A bit of a tangent, Harrow is quite a complicated character. In the most metaphorical way possible, him and the Moon Knight system are the same. Both were abused by a figure of authority (Marc’s mom, Khonshu), both were shaped by that abuse (in different ways), and now are just trying to do what they believe in, seeking penance for what they feel was their fault (Marc remembers every person he killed in Khonshu’s name, even the cities he was in – he's a mercenary, it’s “what he’s good at”. Harrow enjoyed the killing, but was somehow brought out of that high and realized Khonshu enabled his most sinful desire. Marc wants to avoid killing, and is trying to be a hero by stopping a mass-murderer in the making as the only service he can offer, while Harrow wants to destroy all evil from the roots. Marc internalizes his abuse and punishes himself; Harrow wants to punish the world.). It’s tough to say if the only difference between them is the age they were subjected to their abuse, but while they are similar in many regards, they are fundamentally different.

Which is why Harrow thinks he can get Steven Grant on his side (or at least “reason” with him for the scarab) and why he is so wrong. Later on the system sees Harrow as their psychiatrist – he's more knowledgeable in this, he acts as comforting voice, but all while misunderstanding the differences between them so so horribly. Because Harrow doesn’t understand that he and the system actually want really different things, Steven is able to challenge his thinking of Ammit’s untouchability – sure, Harrow seems to understand his struggle and seems to understand the difficulty of having Khonshu as a voice in one’s head, but he may be what the system isn’t - a bit broken, almost crazy to blindly believe the purity that an extreme measure of judgement without trial is promising.

So the scene plays out as it does. And we get to enjoy every second of it.

(Tiny tiny side note – did anyone think that Steven was actually going to say Layla’s name when asked about the scarab? I know Marc is paranoid and underestimates Steven at this point, but… the boy is absolutely enamored with Layla and stopped in his tracks when Marc said “You’re gonna get her killed”, there is no way he says her name, even if he did put some trust in Harrow (which obviously no sane person would, he literally opened with “We want to kill millions of people :D”)

I guess Marc being this jumpy around Steven makes their relationship by the end all the more satisfying. This is where they started – and by god how far they’ve come.

(But Marc pls did you not SEE how Steven LOOKED AT HER he would rather get stabbed than let any harm come to her he is SIMPING.))

ADDED NOTE

Someone pointed out how Steven reacts after Harrow tries talking directly to Marc, trying to discredit Khonshu and turn the entire system over to his cult. Again, obvious failure, but at this point in the show Steven only knows Marc Mercenary Spector, he thinks the absolute worst of him. And the only explanation Marc offered for his existence was “I’m an Avatar of Khonshu, I serve him”. Steven was already doubting Ammit, calling her a weird crocodile lady – he wasn’t believing a word Harrow was telling him. When Harrow was talking to Marc about how awful Khonshu is Steven was listening and seeing Khonshu through the eyes of those that served him – and it just so happens that those are the people that hate him the most. Steven was looking at Harrow - “Trust me when I tell you, Khonshu, is a liar” - and then after “There’s always one last thing”, he looks to Marc, almost asking for an explanation, and Marc doesn’t say anything in response, just shies away from the reflection, like he’d taken a punch to the gut. He doesn’t deny what Harrow implied – that serving Khonshu diligently is just a way to speed up the process of getting rid of him. And in that moment Steven’s perception of Marc changes – and maybe, just maybe, he starts to feel a little pity for him.

Which would endear him to Marc more.

So Steven takes his stance.

Screw Ammit.

(A bit about the time travel paradoxes Amitt transcends – the more I watch this scene the more that “might do evil in the future thing” not being disproven sticks. Harrow is just utterly convinced Ammit is correct and when he questioned her in the past (that strangely quick response to child murder), he found an answer to continue his loyalty. Steven’s first thought is “trusting the judgement of a weird crocodile lady is a bit dodgy” and that stays the general idea about Ammit within the system. So on one side you have a zealot with unshakeable beliefs and on the other you have a little confused but well-spirited guy just trying to do his best. The time travel paradoxes aren’t even considered because I guess no one’s interested in the inner workings of Ammit enough to go past “oh she wants to kill children” and question how and why it isn’t unreasonable to some people?

I get the conflict, I get why Steven is as fired up about stopping Ammit as Marc is who is just there as a servant of Khonshu, but GODDAMIT CAN YOU AT LEAST THINK ABOUT MORE REASONS WHY AMMIT IS JUST THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO FOR A DREAM-LIKE ACHIEVEMENT?!)

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee! My name is Steven with a V!

He is precious. And he’s gaining a bit of confidence (even if it is misplaced). And Marc agrees – “That was a hell of a punch back there” - while also being realistic – “Someone’s gonna get hurt if you don’t let me help” - good big bro, letting Steven test out his limits and realize on his own that he’s not quite there yet, which lets Marc use minimal convincing for Steven to give up the front.

(If I had a nickel for every time Marc looked to someone to tell him what to do in a situation I think he had well under control, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s strange that this first time he’s looking to Layla specifically to reassure/convince her this is him/try to apologize/something along the lines of remembering their bond and the second time he listened to Khonshu telling him to threaten a child with death after two failed attempts at getting crucial dig site information (it’s funny, Harrow misjudged the system’s motivations and now Marc misjudges Ammit’s followers’ loyalty. It’s almost poetic. If it wasn’t for the birb. “I thought he’d talk” - motherfucker your only understanding of humans and their inner workings is 1. A guy you manipulated so hard he literally didn’t see any chance of redemption for himself other than purging the entire world of evil, including himself, and 2. A fledgling system where each of the alters were living in constant denial over each other’s existence, wtf do you, a stupid flightless fucking pidgeon, know about people?

Whatever Marc thought to threaten the kid with was 10,000 times better than HOLDING HIM BY HIS SCARF OVER A FRICKING CLIFF.)

Oh right the relevance with Marc looking/listening to other people in certain situations – specifically, the ones described above. I don’t think it’s that Marc doesn’t trust his own judgement? It would be thematically relevant, with him hating his mercenary work, but then he would ask for advice way more often than he actually does.

I think it speaks to a different part of Marc’s character. And also the situations only have the similarity of Marc thinking he let the person he’s asking for advice from down.

With Layla it’s obvious – that was the first time she’s seen him in months, after he ghosted her. The way he looked at her, the stare they shared – it held a thousand words.

With Khonshu, he failed the mission twice and now for the third time, he actually listens to what he first considers to be bad advice. “He’s just a kid”, “He’ll talk”.

The part with Khonshu can be traced back to his abusive mother – you rarely don’t listen to what that kind of authority figure tells you to do.

But with Layla it may be a type of trust. Like how for someone he cares about he’s willing to put his life in their hands. He knew he needed to get the jackal away from the people, but he still looked to Layla to tell him that. It may just be their dynamic – when the deal at Mogart’s goes wrong, he shields Layla and immediately agrees with her plan. But while he seems reluctant, he does the same with Steven. He trusts his knowledge of ancient Egypt enough to let him front when absolutely necessary, and during that chase at the beginning of episode 3, why do you think Jake was switching in when Marc had the situations under control? Could it be because Marc would’ve actually listened to Steven telling him to stop?

It’s a stretch, I know. But I like to think that Marc chooses to relinquish control to very specific people, as a way of showing them how much he trusts and loves them, when he can’t quite put it into words.)

Anyway, Marc kills the Jackal.

And Steven is claustrophobic.

I mean it’s not said, not even particularly heavily implied, but do you hear his voice in this scene?

“So this is what it’s like?

Being on the inside?”

And how gentle Marc’s voice is?

“...yeah.”

“It’s horrible.”

“It’s alright, you’re alright.”

“...I feel like I can scarcely move.”

“It’s alright just breathe through it. It gets easier.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“...

I don’t know, it’s... a long time.”

“I don’t like it.”

“Long time...”

“I don’t want it. Can I have my body back?”

“I can’t do that right now-”

“Please.”

“-Steven.”

First of all it breaks my heart, second of all this is one of the most compelling scenes in the show (If we don’t count episode five where literally every scene was perfect), this is the first time they both actually talk without the frustration and confusion that this sudden realization of their system existing was. Steven is quiet, nearly on the verge of tears, his hands are almost clasped together as if even in the reflection just a flinch is bringing him pain, and Marc is recalling the moment(s) he felt the same way and his voice is just so soft as he reassures Steven, like he’s giving him a calming hug with just his words.

Maybe he knows that Steven is claustrophobic, maybe it actually is a very difficult thing to change the perception of an eye so much that the reflection is not what it expects it to be. Either way, one of my favorite scenes in the show.

And once Steven accustoms to the feeling of being just a reflection, his usual frustration with Marc comes right back. “You can’t keep me trapped in here” - like you kept Marc trapped?

It’s an endless back and forth the whole series because, again, miscommunication, and because they don’t understand each other. Marc just wants Steven to be his “stress ball”, not involved in any of his mercenary work that he deems “shameful”, and Steven only sees the criminal in Marc, not any of the history or choices that led him there. And they don’t try to talk – I guess in a way they both think the other is ruining their lives at the moment and they just want the other gone. Put up the wall again, stop their lives bleeding into each other, go back into what life was like before – amnesia, sleepwalking, tiredness, denial.

But Steven is never going back into denial. And Marc can’t force him – eventually, he realizes he needs Steven.

But that’s later :)

Until then, Steven will shout the angriest words that, unknowingly to him, cause Marc the most pain, and he, in return, will be the most patient and self-deprecating and self-sacrificial he’s ever been just to try and reassure Steven and ease his anger.

And Marc tries to separate him and Steven, saying that his servitude is the price he pays, in the same sentence he says that they wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for Khonshu.

In an ironic twist of events, Marc, the alter aware of the system, is the one trying to claim individuality, while Steven, the one still quite unaware, is the one saying that one alter’s body count is all of theirs’ body count, refusing individuality and separate weights on their shoulders.

And notice how Marc’s tone changes when the conversation turns to Layla. The person he loves, the person he sacrificed his own happiness for, well, one of the people he’s done that for. However patient he is trying to be with Steven, he won’t let him say that he is being cruel to Layla, that he doesn’t care about her, that he’s a shitty human being for leaving her. It hurts Marc, to hear those words from Steven, who he also sacrificed time for just to convince him he had a normal life, that his fish didn’t die every time Marc had to go on a longer mission, that the accidental wakings during those missions were just bad dreams.

It hurts Marc. And it’s not the first time he lashes out in violence. He is trying his best, as a person who thinks he is undeserving of anything good in life, he is trying his best.

And he doesn’t get appreciation. Not yet.

Not to mention that Khonshu talks to him exactly how a manipulative, abusive parent would. Demeaning him, making Marc apologize, then suddenly acting nice to remind him why he stays in the first place. Pidgeon deserves to be bound to stone for eternity.

And episode 2 ends with a cool Cairo reveal!

The soundtrack slaps. It’s a fact.

Before this I haven’t really sat down to analyze the show, this was a really spontaneous thing. It’s surprising how much is in episode 2- well, after knowing the rest of the show. It’s only 6 episodes and not a frame is wasted!

It’s beautiful.

I love this show.

#moon knight #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #MKSRA #episode 2 #moon knight episode 2 #mk episode 2 #moon knight spoiilers #mk spoilers

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onewomancitadel · 2 years

Note

I noticed that both Jaune & Ruby awaken their special abilities through interacting with Cinder. Ruby awakens Silver Eyes and Jaune awakens Aura Amplification. Whats interesting is the type of powers she awoke within them. A power to protect life and a power to heal/empower the soul. So interacting with this wounded person cursed with darkness, awakened Jaunes power to heal and Ruby’s power to wash away darkness. Why Jaune & Ruby? Why these powers at all if Cinder is to die? -EmperorLuffy

If Oscar Cinder are both Ruby Jaune shadows then logically if Oscar isnt headed for a bad end and will be freed of Ozpin then doesnt it make sense that Cinder will also be freed from Salem as well? I dont imagine Oscar would die so it makes no sense to save Oscar and then kill off Cinder when theyre both victims of Salem/Oz enslavement curse. Ruby even tries to save Oscar in a way so shouldnt Jaune do the same? Its poetic to have Ruby save Oscar while Jaune saves Cinder. -EmperorLuffy

Hi EmperorLuffy, thanks for your asks. (: I hope you don't mind if I just answer this in one post together. You make some great points here and I overall agree.

One thing I wanted to note: I think Jaune is Oscar's Shadow, not the other way around. That's why it's so cute pairing Jaune and Cinder together and it's part of why I think Jaune is a little naughty compared to everybody else. XD (I've written about this more here, but I think one of the major indicators it works out this way is because Jaune and Cinder most literally represent the Salem/Oz relationship problem - as Shadows should do - which is an issue facing both Oscar and eventually Ruby). Edit: I apologise if my tone happened to be dismissive here, I was just worried I had miscommunicated in my previous posts; if you think Oscar is the Shadow, by all means elaborate! (:

But yes, given that Cinder and Oscar mirror each other as vessels for Salem and Ozma respectively, their respective endings are naturally going to say things about each other. Whether this means for sure they'll be same, I can't say, but it does seem organic to conclude they'll say things about each other. But it's sort of like Winter - if Winter gets a living redemption, why doesn't Cinder? If they mirror each other so much? Is it just because Cinder was 'born bad'? Like, in a sense Oscar is 'born right' because he's a similar in spirit to Ozma, but with that comes the curse. So if Cinder is born bad, why can't she be good?

As I have mentioned before, given that the main antagonist of the Atlas arc was pretty convinced Oscar and Ozma were essentially one in the same, or the merge was inevitable - and he was disappointed when Oscar was not like Ozma - then he's probably wrong, the same as he was wrong about solutions to characters like Cinder (put her down) and Tyrian (lock him up). Especially because Ironwood was so genre- and story-inappropriate in his worldview (as I've mentioned a few times before, so I apologise for repeating myself).

I think it's very poetic if the key to breaking free of the curse is being humanised/seen by others, the same sort of thing which frees Fria and humanises Penny. That seems to be a consistent theme and it makes sense to pair Jaune with Cinder given their historic struggles, that's kind of the most absolving solution (as I have said. Too much. Sorry)!!!

On the note of your first ask, yes, it's very fitting that Ruby's eyes would awaken because of the person who will eventually be the living thing she has to use them on, and very fitting that Ruby's eyes alone aren't the key - purifying the Hound wasn't enough to help him (though his stage of corruption was arguably much worse than Cinder). Rather than suggesting Ruby can't help Cinder (as some concluded from this sequence), I'm suggesting that Jaune is also necessary. Again, fitting he unlocked his Semblance because of Cinder, a net of compassion she would eventually be included in.

I love that kind of narrative irony, it's my favourite thing.

I also think that in terms of an unexpected but thematically justified ending, Cinder's living redemption is kind of how you do it. For a little while I wondered if the unorthodox ending would actually be Oscar merging with Ozma to live out his final life, but I think Ironwood is probably the most convincing on this front. The really transformative ending is probably going to come from Cinder and Salem's side, if anything.

To summarise, all character arcs and endings are saying things about each other, and they're not always necessarily going to be the same - as has been debated around here recently, Cinder's ending is not the same as Adam's, but I do think compassion extended to her can retroactively make his better. But the rhyming does matter, and the justification does matter, and it's hard not to compare Cinder to characters such as Oscar and Winter and also see that Ruby's eyes are meant to purify and protect and Jaune's Semblance unlocked meeting Cinder at Haven. If Cinder's meant to die - as a major villain - it would nullify a lot of what's being explored there. She's not like Penny where she's made a thematic statement with her death and agency, especially because Cinder's already under a Dark Curse, and Penny was also a character servicing very specific themes of that volume. I know this sounds like copium and I'm very aware of that, but truly, R/WBY isn't a show that kills willy nilly just to be grimdark, it's all saying stuff about Ozma. It would be pretty gutting for the most literal Ozlem pairing in the show to end up apart, if they commit to Knightfall (and generally gutting for Jaune's story as well as Cinder's, lol).

Also, as I have said before, I'm pretty sure Cinder's the endgame Fall Maiden and she's meant to redeem the power - see previous posts under my #cindemption tag.

But my favourite thing about it is that you get to be thematically consistent and deliver an interesting ending. Killing Cinder is easy and lazy.

#seraphina's asks #user: emperorluffy #cindemption

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moonypadsandprongs · 2 years

Text

it’s yours.

Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader

summary: miscommunication and a lot of unexpressed feelings lead to these two best friends having some issues

word count: 2.9k

warnings: angst, fluff, cussing, mentions of food, mentions of crying.

A/N: this is the first fic i’m posting on this blog and i really hope you enjoy it!!

Maybe there was something about the way he existed. Effortlessly breathing in the world, day by day. He was poetry. Looking at him was like being washed over by waves of salt water, or being hit by fresh air when you’ve been stuck inside for days. Talking to him brought about the same tranquility you’d get from laying down in a forest listening to the ambience. Thinking about him was standing out in the rain in mid November. This boy is and will always be the effort of my existence.

I don't think I started out loving him like this. And I don't think that he will ever love me like this. It’s like he just happened and I was stuck when he did. I walked into a random train car in my first year and ended up meeting four of my favorite people ever. My best friends became so 5 years ago and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. I just wish that I didn’t love being their friend so much. And while that is a rather strange statement, I mean that the main reason I could never outwardly love my lycanthrope friend is our friendship.

As I dawn on these thoughts, as I do very frequently, a certain dark haired friend of mine barges into my dorm room.

“I swear y/n every time I come in here you’re doing something strange.” he says with a laugh as he shakes his head.

“I was just laying here Siri”

“I know. You were laying there. Doing nothing. It’s strange.” he states as I feel my mattress dip on my left.

“It’s not strange, you just don’t know how to sit still.” I reply with a smile

“Very true y/n, very true” he sighs. After a long pause I speak up.

“Alright what's up with you?” I ask as I sit up and cross my legs facing his horizontal form.

“Can I not just come visit one of my best friends at random moments in the day?”

“Oh no you can, and you do…very frequently. But with the way you ran in here, I can tell somethings up” I say.

He sat up slowly, facing me. Sirius has had this look on his face, one I had seen only two other times during our friendship. Firstly, when they told me that Remus was a werewolf and they had become illegal animagi right after he had gotten so hurt during a full moon that he spent three weeks in the hospital wing. And secondly, when he showed up back at Hogwarts and broke down telling me about how he got kicked out and disowned by his parents. So this look on his face changed the mood very quickly.

“Alright look,” he said lowly, “I know this is going to sound strange, it is strange. But bare with me.” he paused and took a deep breath. “Remus wants you to sit out for this next full moon”

I blinked, stunned by his words.

“Look it’s complicated alright, but I need you to trust that it’s for a good reason” he spat out quickly. We sat there for a moment, I stared at him while he was waiting for a response. I was trying to grasp what he was telling me.

“Why?” my voice cracked out. I was holding back tears thanks to a few words, and Godric knows I loathe crying. It seems stupid, like it’s nothing to get upset over, but this means so much. They told me about Remus two months after they started helping him. I spent the next month learning the ins and outs of transfiguration, and I barely slept. It took me one month to be able to successfully transfigure myself into a fox. They would have told me sooner but Rem was so scared he made them wait to tell me, but once he got hurt, they couldn’t hold it in.

But ever since then, we were a family. I couldn’t do life without them. We have been through everything together and helping Remus during the full moon was almost like our glue. It was so personal, so specific to just us that being told to sit out made me feel like I almost wasn’t good enough. Like I wasn’t a part of that anymore. Like Remus just didn’t want me around. And that hurt like hell.

“It’s complicated y/n” he said.

“That’s not an answer” I replied. I looked down at my hands, focusing on steadying my breathing, “What did I do?” I asked as I looked back up at him.

He knew me too well to not be able to see the hurt and confusion that I couldn’t keep off of my face.

“You didn’t do anything I promise” he took a deep breath and sighed, “Look I can’t tell you why, it’s not me that made this decision, and I promised I wouldn’t tell you”

“Why can't he just tell me himself? He sent you to do his fucking dirty work? To tell me to stay away? He could have done it and I would have gotten the same message.” I spat out, looking away.

“No y/n it’s not like that, he doesn’t want you to stay away, he just wants you to stay here for the next shift. He’s still your friend, one of your best friends” He reassured. It didn’t work though. There was no reassuring happening here.

“No it doesn’t make sense, if there is something I did, or something that happened, to make him so uncomfortable with the idea of me being there for the shift and he can’t even tell me about it himself, then i’ll keep my damn distance.”

A tear slid down my face and I stood up, making my way to my door, when Sirius grabbed my arm turning me around.

“Please stop, don’t push yourself away from him, he needs you” he whispered.

“Obviously Sirius, he fucking doesn’t”

I snatched my arm away and marched out of my dorm room.

_______________________________________________________________________

I spent the rest of my Saturday hiding in the astronomy tower until dinner.

It didn’t make any sense, we were fine until this. Nothing had happened, we didn’t get into arguments, we were just fine. And then out of nowhere he springs this on me? Actually he doesn’t even do it, he sends Siri to do it for him. It’s like I just got kicked out of a band.

Walking into the dining hall, I realized that I have no one to sit with. I can’t sit with the boys, obviously. And I would sit with Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas, but they sit with the boys. There is no option here, because these are my friends. No one else.

I stood there, staring at everyone, no one saw me yet as I was contemplating my options. Then, of course, Peter looked up from the table making eye contact with me. Sirius must have told them what I said because the look on his face was solemn. James followed the trail of Peter's vision, and once his head fully turned towards me, Remus snapped in my direction. Immediately, I turned around and moved towards my dorm.

I can’t do this. I care about him, more than anything else, Godric, I’m in love with him. And this is what happens? I can’t do it. Simple as that. I made it halfway to my dorm when I heard fast footsteps running towards me. I spun around and was faced with the scraggly boy.

“Save it Remus, I’m going to my dorm” I tried to turn around when he moved himself in front of me. Staring at me.

He stayed looking at me, guarding me from the rest of my path, not speaking for a few moments. Just staring.

“Please” he whispered, obviously out of breath from his sprint across Hogwarts. “Please just come to dinner”

“No, you had Sirius make it abundantly clear that I am not wanted” I replied softly. I wasn’t harsh, or visibly angry. He is completely entitled to not want me around, but I deserve better than being informed of that second hand.

“No y/n you are wanted, I get that it’s confusing but please, just come to dinner” he pleaded to me.

I averted my eyes, and he bent his knees to get on my level, moving his face in front of mine. I looked at him, really looked at him. He grabbed my shoulders, but I couldn’t do it. I pushed myself out of his arms, his touch, something I never saw myself being strong enough to do.

“Remus, it’s fine. You don’t have to want me there, it isn’t about me. I-” My voice cut itself off. Man this hurt, “I can take a hint, don’t try to save face when the message has already gotten across.” I moved around him and walked to my dorm.

And once I got there, I laid on my bed and sobbed myself to sleep.

_______________________________________________________________________

I didn’t talk to Remus at all for the next three weeks. I cried a lot. Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas were with me most of the time. They all knew how I felt about him. I couldn’t tell the boys, and I never would, but since I realized I liked him in second year they've known about it. They knew this was hard for me. I only saw Siri, James, and Peter in between classes. They made sure to spend time with me since I wouldn’t go near them during our classes or in the great hall. If Remus was with them, I was with the girls. Or I was on my own.

Being alone is a strange concept to me. I’ve spent so much of my career here with people at all times, so it’s weird. I was rarely ever left alone before this, and I can’t say that I prefer it this way.

Remus has tried to corner me, to talk I guess. But every time, I maneuvered my way out of it. I couldn’t listen to him try and make things better when they weren’t. He doesn’t want me around plain and simple. And he won't tell me what I did wrong, and honestly I'm at a point where I don’t think I did. I have thought about the weeks leading up to this, over and over again, and I can’t come up with anything. If anything, Rem and I were closer than we had ever been right before he had Sirius spring it all on me.

If he wants me around with him and the boys, he can get one of them to tell me like he did before. Because I really don’t have it in me to look him in the eye while he makes excuses.

Laying in my bed, pondering my life choices, I wondered why I still loved him. Why despite all of this, I missed him more than I missed having dry eyes. More than I missed my family back home. As I thought about it, frantic knocks found themselves upon my door.

I got up, making my way to the door when they became louder, faster. Then a voice from the other side sounded.

“Y/n open the fucking door. Please open the door” the voice was raw, distressed.

It was Remus.

I stopped short of the door, my hand stopped in the air, so close to the knob.

“I know you’re there, Lily already told me you were here.”

Traitor.

“What do you want, Remus?” I spoke through the wood.

“I’ll tell you when you open this damn door. I could take it off the hinges, I will if I have to” he said.

I paused, contemplating. Maybe I could listen. Just once. I shouldn’t, I should let him deal with the fact that he pushed me away despite everything we’ve been through together. For forcing me out of the family I was always so grateful for. For Making me sob until I couldn’t anymore. That full moon that they did without me was terrible. I have never cried so hard in my life. I really shouldn’t have opened the door. But I did.

All he did was stare at me. He stood there, tall and gorgeous, and he just looked at me. I moved to the side of the door frame to let him in. He walked into the room and sat on the foot of my bed, again, just looking at me.

I felt so vulnerable under his gaze. So open. He could tell so much about me with just one look.

“I think that I should say a few things,” he whispered.

“I don’t know what there is to say Rem” I responded, looking down at him.

“So much y/n, there is so much I need to say. So much I need you to say.”

His voice was so full of desperation to be heard that I didn’t expect him to need words from me.

“What should I say? What is it you want to hear from me?” I asked.

He reached out, his hands grabbing mine as he stood, towering over me.

“I want you to say that you’ve missed me” he whispered.

“Of course I’ve fucking missed you Rem” I pulled my hands from his and his shoulders drooped, “But you’re the one that decided to push me away, I didn’t want this” I exclaimed.

“No, I didn’t push you away, you blew this all out of proportion and took it for something it wasn’t” his voice was raised. He was upset. Upset, and blaming this on me.

“Are you trying to blame this on me? You couldn’t even tell me yourself, you couldn’t look me in my eyes and tell me how you felt. You pushed me out of one of the most important parts of your life and couldn’t do it yourself Remus. And it’s my fault? No-”

He cut me off and yelled over me,

“I DID IT TO PROTECT YOU Y/N!”

I stared at him, shocked and confused.

“I needed you to stay away from me last month. I had this feeling, this really terrible feeling, that something bad was going to happen” he was animated, his hands flying everywhere as he frantically spoke. “Usually I can tell how bad a shift is going to be, you know that”

He paused to catch his breath but he wasn’t done.

“I knew it had something to do with you alright?”

“How? It doesn’t make sense to me, none of this does”

“Thats because you fucking jumped to conclusions and you still have it in your head that I don’t want you in my life. Y/n I want you in my life so fucking bad you have no idea.” his eyes were blown, and he shook his head “I couldn’t stop thinking about you during the last shift, it’s like that side of me knows what I love and it wants to take it from me so badly”

“You don’t love me. Not in the way that would affect you that much, to creep into your thoughts during a shift. There’s no way. You’ve told me before that all you think about is the pain.” I said

“Lately all I can think about is you. Every time, thinking about you makes it better.” he replied softly “How would you know how I Love you? How do you think I love you?” he asked.

“Like a friend. I always thought that you loved me like a friend.” I answered, unable to meet his eyes.

“And what if I told you I didn’t?”

“I would be severely hurt by that, Remus.” I finally pulled my own head up despite the weight to meet his stare.

“No, not that I didn’t Love you at all, but that I loved you as more than a friend?”

There is no way.

“Remu-” I started

“You’re gonna tell me that I'm wrong and that I don’t know what I'm talking about but I do. Y/n I am absolutely in love with you. I always have been, I just haven’t always known it. I love everything about you, your soul, your ambition, your heart. All I can do is think about you, about kissing you. I worry for you nonstop, day in and day out. And the last three weeks have been absolute hell. I can’t pretend like my heart is my own anymore, not when it has made itself clear in telling me that it’s yours. Whether you’d have it or not, it’s yours.”

My own heart has completely fallen out of my chest.

I have imagined him saying these words to me so many times, that this doesn’t seem real. I think he took my stunned silence as an answer as he muttered

“Alright” and he made for the door.

He didn’t even get to touch the doorknob when I grabbed him by his harm, turned him around, and kissed him as my hands made their way to his face.

Once he realized what was happening, his arms wrapped around me and his lips moved with mine and I was melting in his hands.

He pulled away and looked at me. Really really looked at me. My eyes searched his for any sign of what he was thinking.

“Is something wrong? Did I-” I started to say as I pulled away, sacred I had messed this up. But as I moved away he pulled me back into another kiss, this one passionate and desperate.

He pulled away again and I hated it. He leaned his forehead against mine and said,

“I Love you, more than anything in my life, I love you.”

#remus lupin #remus x reader #the maruaders #harry potter #hp #remus lupin fanfiction #angst #x reader #marauders x #remus x y/n

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simplepotatofarmer · 3 years

Text

technoblade: a takedown - pt. 1

(not clickbait)

aka i go over every argument people make against c!techno one by one and determine whether they’re valid, false, or a mixture of both. i rewatched every single stream/video, including those on his alt channel, so i could approach this with the most information possible. i’ll be breaking this up into parts because there’s just too much otherwise. all about the characters unless stated.

techno believes in a ‘dog eat dog’ world - false

this is an argument i see used a lot when people discuss techno so i wanted to address it first. luckily, the stream in which he says this is only his fifth stream on the server. there’s one major reason why this argument falls apart and one minor reason that isn’t objective like the first.

first and most importantly: techno has never acted on this. even at the beginning - which is when this comment was made - he was helping his allies, from building railings to keep them from falling, making a potato farm, and all the gear he grinded for to equip his allies in pogtopia with. moving forward, he’s also helped out plenty of people: giving tommy a place to stay and items, telling phil to reach out to ranboo after doomsday, as well as giving both tommy and ranboo food when asked. there’s more, of course, but the point is he’s never once followed up on this statement. he teamed up with quackity to stop the egg. he spoke to niki about how he was giving anarchy a bad reputation because of the violence and wanted to take a different approach which he has.

when people use this argument to insist that techno is the villain, it doesn’t hold up because it’s merely taking one statement he made and upholding it as a main part of his character when his actions and later statements have shown that he doesn’t actually believe in this randian view point. objectively, i can’t see how this argument can extend beyond ‘well, he said it’. regardless of what he said during the pogtopia arc, he’s said the opposite later - wanting everyone to live free with no oppression or imperialism - and has never acted on it nor brought it up later. this take honestly seems disingenuous and was in fact the driving factor of this post.

second and not as critical, techno mentions multiple times during each of his first streams that he’s not sure who all is on his side. this is a reoccurring point for him. he makes the comment about wanting a dog eat dog world during the red festival stream, while speaking to bad and sam. the first part of the conversation is techno asking about state secrets since they’re (as far as techno knows) on manberg’s side. bad mentions schlatt killing cats and techno launches into a spiel about massive anarchy and the weak being huddled in fear, asking them how does that sound. bad says as long as there’s no cat murder, perhaps. bad then asks techno what his ‘single issue’ is and techno responds that he wants to destroy the government. to me, the context of the conversation, who he’s speaking to and what his opinion of those people is, is an important thing to consider.

techno’s ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ comment means he was always going to betray pogtopia/l’manberg - valid but not how you think it is

i’ve seen people say that techno saying ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ is a clear sign that he was always intending to betray pogtopia/l’manberg which, yeah?

but i wouldn’t call it a betrayal.

he says the ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ line at the end of the ‘eve of revolution’ stream while he’s talking to quackity, ponk, and sam. the conversation is as follows:

techno, to quackity: i’m glad we could get to know each other. i heard you’re on our side now. i heard you betrayed schlatt.

quackity: yeah, that’s right. are you betraying anyone?

techno: no. i would never betray my personal ideals.

[some chatter from ponk and quackity]

sam: what does that mean? what if the people you’re fighting along [sic] have different ideals than you, though? doesn’t that mean you’d betray them?

techno: listen... we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.

then techno states that he ‘said what he said’ when sam questions him about his choice of metaphor.

he actually uses the same malaphor at the beginning of the ‘revolution’ stream when they (quackity and tubbo) question him again and in that case techno definitely avoids the subject which isn’t a good thing but considering everyone was so worked up about the possible traitor, i can completely understand.

overall, techno is extremely upfront about his intentions. yes, there is definitely some miscommunication between all the parties because none of them were on the same page but that doesn’t make techno the bad guy here nor does it mean he betrayed anyone. he was upfront about his intentions from the start.

in his first two streams, he makes a joke that if they happen to set up a new government/president that he would just take that one down and it would be a never-ending cycle. over and over, he says that he wants to do destroy the government/manberg. when tommy mentions taking it back, techno says, ‘what do you mean, take it back?’ though this kind of gets lost in the middle of everything else - dsmp (lack of) communication strikes again.

the takeaway that i see here a lot is that techno always intended to betray them because he knew tommy wanted to take back l’manberg and knew that he would go against them if they set up a new government. and this is true to an extent! he did know that tommy wanted l’manberg back and he did know that he would go against them if they set up a new government. but wilbur was also telling techno that he was on board with the whole anarchy thing.

none of them were on the same page and that surely led to a big chunk of what happened and hurt feelings on both sides but that doesn’t mean techno betrayed anyone or that he was the bad guy for doing exactly what he said he would do from day one.

techno destroying (l’)manberg was wrong - it’s complicated

the first thing to address here is that for most anarchists, destroying a government isn’t a bad thing. in fact, taking down the government/state is basically our goal. now, i don’t speak for all anarchists, of course, but overall the general feeling is that violence in the name of overthrowing an oppressive government is not inherently bad. there’s no way to do a one-for-one here because it’s minecraft but the general sentiment remains. so while violence enacted against the state is a bad thing for people who aren’t anarchists, techno has no reason to and would not view it as inherently bad.

but it did hurt people and techno himself acknowledges that fact. he’s acknowledged what he’s done when confronted about it. he hasn’t said he was wrong because understanding that it was hurtful doesn’t mean he believes he was wrong. to him, he wasn’t. destroying what he viewed as an oppressive system was the right thing to do, even if it hurt people.

(also this isn’t any kind of meta but i think it needs to be pointed out that wilbur had already set off the tnt and techno summoned two killable mobs which did plenty of damage but he didn’t say wilbur was the great who came before them for no reason.)

again, this is going to be the most controversial part of this post because i don’t believe destroying government is a bad thing and i don’t believe techno is wrong for believing that as well. there are better ways to address the problem and techno is adjusting his tactics but if another government was to be established, i don’t believe he would be in the wrong to destroy it because he’s an anarchist.

the tl;dr of this section honestly could just be summed up with ‘watch less marvel, read more ursula k. le guin’.

‘techno is the villain because he called tommy the hero’ - so very false

this is a take i’ve seen that to this day i don’t understand.

techno calling tommy the hero does not mean he was setting himself up as the villain in any capacity. it was merely pointing out tommy’s habit of putting himself at the forefront of almost every conflict, trying to shoulder everything, no matter how it hurts tommy himself. the speech was directed at that and nothing else. it doesn’t mean techno is the villain, it doesn’t even mean there is a villain; there are more stories to be told than the classic hero-villain and the hero-villain narrative doesn’t always apply to stories. (i’d certainly argue that it doesn’t apply to the dream smp but that’s a different conversation.)

techno is to blame for tubbo’s death - false

i think this one has been done to death but what would a techno post be without it?

no, techno is not to blame.

he said over and over that he was outnumbered and believed that if he had done anything, everyone would’ve turned on him and ‘torn him to shreds’. even if that wasn’t the case, it is what techno believed. he had no reason to think that he could take the entire crowd out until he actually fired the rocket launcher. and remember, he tested the rocket launcher earlier during the festival on niki (who volunteered) and it didn’t kill her. when he realized the amount of splash damage it did, he gives a surprised laugh and then begins firing into the crowd.

as for saying he was under ‘mild’ amounts of peer pressure, techno has a habit of minimizing. not just the things he’s done, but often situations that he’s been in that were stressful. he stated that he deals poorly with high stress situations and one of the cognitive distortions that can come with anxiety is minimization. techno doesn’t actually believe it was ‘mild’ peer pressure - it was a situation that caused him enough distress that he brings it up later at doomsday - but it’s easier to deal with a situation when you downplay it, it’s easier for techno to keep up that calm façade when he’s acting as if whatever happened wasn’t that big of a deal even if it was. again, the way he speaks about it on doomsday was clearly upset and emotional.

the only person to blame for tubbo’s death is schlatt. he was the one pulling the trigger and techno was the gun.

if you made it this far, thank you for sticking it out! i spent so many hours rewatching all the streams, some of them multiple times, while taking notes to be able to do this. i’m extremely passionate about techno and i feel as if a lot of the arguments against him tend to miss the nuance of his character. this project is on-going and i’ll be going over the butcher army/retirement storylines next. feel free to submit any points you’d like to see addressed!

#technoblade #dream smp #dsmp analysis #dsmp meta #tommyinnit #tubbo #quackity #dsmpblr #dream smp analysis #loyal does meta #this......is a lot #i spent so much time on it y'all

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doubleca5t · 4 years

Note

i know you’re not a fan of the citrus anime, but is the manga any good?

short answer: no

long answer:

if you spend any amount of time in the yuri fandom, you will eventually have to contend with Citrus. It’s one of the most popular manga in the genre, so it’s kind of unavoidable. And whenever Citrus comes up, you’ll usually hear from a lot of people telling you not to read it because the core premise of Citrus is two girls, Mei and Yuzu, falling in love shortly after becoming STEP-SISTERS, and the first few chapters involve Mei repeatedly sexually assaulting Yuzu (this actually goes the other way around at one point as well, though that doesn’t exactly make things any better). I am here to tell you that those people are wrong.

Let me explain.

Citrus is an infuriating 10 volume cocktease of a manga. What I mean by this is that reading Citrus, it gives you the impression that it could get really good like any chapter now, and then it just never does. The art is good, the main character, Yuzu, is super compelling and entertaining (and imo I think she’s the reason this manga has such a massive fanbase because she can be a Mood And A Half sometimes), it’s got some pretty strong emotional moments and a lot of good comedy here and there. But this is a situation where the whole is very much less than the sum of its parts. This manga has a lot of elements that are individually satisfying, but they don’t come together into a compelling narrative. I think there are two big overarching reasons why.

1) Citrus does not create and resolve conflicts in a satisfying way

A romance manga like Citrus is very much about the journey, not the destination. You know Mei and Yuzu are going to get together, it’s just a matter of how they get together and what sort of obstacles keep that from happening until the very end. This is why so many romance manga rely on tsundere/enemies-to-lovers scenarios. The harder it is for the characters to admit their true feelings for each other, the more you can stretch out the narrative and the more chapters of manga you can get out of it. A good example of this in the yuri world is Bloom into You, where the main characters have done so many mental gymnastics to convince themselves they either can’t love or can’t be loved that as the audience you’re like “shit, I know these two are gonna get together eventually but how the fuck are they gonna get out from this nonsense?”

Citrus has no goddamn idea how to do this.

A huge chunk of the first four volumes is spent introducing side characters who appear to be potential romantic rivals for either Mei or Yuzu. These characters can be pretty entertaining in their own right, but all the dramatic tension around them falls consistently flat. The solution to every problem presented by these rivals is just talking to whichever girl they were interested in, because said girl (either Mei or Yuzu) was never interested in the rival to begin with. These arcs feel unsatisfying because the way the problem is resolved would suggest, on some level, that these were never problems in the first place. All of this could have been avoided if the characters had just talked to each other.

And this same problem rears its head near the end of the series as well, the worst example being the ending. Mei separates from Yuzu suddenly and in dramatic fashion because her grandfather is forcing her into what is essentially an arranged marriage. The chapter where we learn about this is legitimately emotionally affecting, with the slow build-up to Yuzu learning that Mei never wants to see her again. It gets you in a way that nothing else in this series really does. But then the solution to all of this is just Yuzu proposing to Mei? And the whole family just goes along with this?? Despite them being step sisters???? Like you’d think the problem here is that Mei’s grandfather is very traditional and conservative. Like he doesn’t just want her to get married before she took over the academy, he wants her to marry a specific person from a rich family that he chose. But no, apparently the step sister marriage is a-ok! which means the only real problem here is that Mei didn’t tell Yuzu about any of this shit until it was already in motion, which brings us to the second core issue:

2) Mei does not change or improve

Mei causes a huge percentage of the conflict in this series. And not only does she cause it, she causes it in exactly the same way over and over again. Mei’s big, defining character flaw is that she’s emotionally distant and bad at communicating. Because of this, Mei repeatedly conceals information from Yuzu for, at least as far as the audience can tell, no discernible reason, creating conflict that never needed to be there. This takes the form of the previously mentioned final chapters, the first volume or so where Mei forces herself onto Yuzu rather than just telling her how she feels, that whole nonsense with Sara, and so, so much more. Citrus runs on the logic of a corny 90s sitcom. Every problem is based on a misunderstanding or a miscommunication, so everything can be resolved if the characters just fucking talked to each other. This sort of storytelling can work if you’re writing a farce (like every other Shakespeare comedy was based on a case of mistaken identity) but in a drama it’s fucking infuriating.

It would be one thing if there was an arc where the core problem was that Mei doesn’t know how to communicate, and at the end of that arc, she realizes what the problem is and spends the rest of the series actively trying to improve. That would be fine. But instead, no matter how many times Mei is shown that failing to talk to her step-sister/gf causes nothing but trouble, she just... keeps doing it, either because Saburouta thinks that’s such an important element of her character that it’s not possible to change it, or because it’s a cheap and easy way to add conflict to a relationship where none would exist otherwise.

I think the final straw for me was when I tried reading Citrus+, which takes place after Yuzu’s proposal in the final chapter of Citrus. Within the first volume, Mei goes right back to her old tricks of being moody and evasive and leaving Yuzu to guess at what might be wrong. THESE TWO ARE FUCKING ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED, BUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN STUCK IN THE SAME PLACE SINCE VOLUME 5 BECAUSE MEI CAN’T IMPROVE! At some point, it starts to feel like that line about the definition of insanity from Far Cry 3. You’re just doing the same shit over and over again expecting different results.

So to put it bluntly, it would be inaccurate to say that you shouldn’t read Citrus because it’s about a pair of step-sisters taking turns sexually assaulting each other.

You shouldn’t read Citrus because it sucks.

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belle-keys · 3 years

Text

Reflections: She got better after Clace concerning tropes

(NB... this is gonna be my last Reflections because I've got uni and shit to take on in September 😗)

Okay, so we know Cassandra Clare uses age-old tropes in her books: enemies-to-lovers, strangers-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, the evil seductress, the fearless warrior, the secret special snowflake, etc. However, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, becuse it’s sort of impossible to create written media without using any tropes. It’s how you use the tropes that makes written media interesting, and what I’ve noticed is that Cassie has gotten better at using tropes and paragons since TMI in her books by adding little twists and turns to them to avoid them becoming generic.

Starting off with TMI and Clace for example, we see that Clary is the classic “special teen with hidden powers that discovers a new supernatural world”, falling into that category with Bella Swan, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, etc. Jace is the aloof hottie with a Dark Past, and operates like a modern day Achilles if he made it out of Elysium, lmao. He’s pretty akin to Edward Cullen, Peter Mellarke, Dimitri Belikov, etc. Clace and their character arcs especially in the first TMI trilogy were pretty generic, even at the time they were published. (NB but Jace really is Achilles man like he’s *golden*, has the military-type fighting skills and discipline, powerful daddy issues, best of the Shadowhunters kinda like how Achilles was the best of the Greeks, feared and lauded by everyone, believed he’s destined for tragedy).

But looking at TID, for example, Cassie went with the Love Triangle trope that was especially popular around the time that TID was written, and she was like “oh hell no” and then created the greatest thing in the world known as Herongraystairs *Spongebob rainbow gif*. The late 2000s were kind of a mild time, and the rule of thumb was that the the main girl just had to end up picking one man in the triangle but nawww Cassie decided that Tessa Gray (bless her) would get both of her male counterparts at appropriate times, love them equally AND have it happen without any hostility between them. She completely outdid the Love Triangle trope.

I made a post discussing why Jemma is a great ship and a great spin on the Forbidden Lovers trope already, but I also need to say that Julian is an exceptional character. He, without hesitation, takes on the most traditional of feminine roles in the series yet isn’t feminine at all- he’s a very masculine protagonist. Julian’s more masculine roles (being a leader in a political revolution, being a schemer, being a fighter) are perfectly foiled with the traits which often assigned to female YA protagonists (no sexual experience before Emma, raises his siblings and bakes and shit, isn’t the one who’s snarky and quips or gets violent quickly). In having Julian take on the main parent role in TDA, it allowed Cassie to show a YA male lead who’s secure and doesn’t depend on what others make traditional masculinity out to be in order to dictate his behavior.

Now let’s look at TLH lastly. I’m really partial to this series as you all may know *cough*. The trope here is Secrets and Miscommunication (which I know some of you absolutely hate, but I think some of said miscommunication is actually necessary given the social context of the series but alas, I don’t blame yall for hating TLH because of this at all, lol). See, what works about the whole secrets and miscommunication trope tho is that everyone is not what they seem. Like Matthew’s the Wildean Libertine right, but he’s actually managed to use that branding as a shield from the shame of his guilt (Oscar Wilde’s philosophy laudes beauty and love, yet Matthew himself does not believe himself to be worthy of this coveted love - Matthew’s soul has turned Gothic despite his self-branding as an aesthete). Grace is the Evil Seductress, the Femme Fatale who must be eliminated so the Good Girl can get the guy, but in reality, Grace is inquisitive and inventive and loving when she’s not guarded - the one woman who the world thinks is heartless is actually the one who hurts the most and enjoys hurting the least. Then we have the James who’s the Eligible Bachelor - he’s well read, a leader, good at Shadowhunting, polite, handsome, and desired by the ladies of London. Yet at his core runs Belial’s blood and his inevitable ties to literal Hell. James, who should be the classic charming hero, is running from something very unmistakably rotten within him (even though his heritage is beyond his control). So these societal paragons are all tinged with something unexpected that makes them interesting imo.

So yeah, to conclude: yes, Cassie’s writing uses a lot of generic tropes but I’d argue that her writing has improved to make age-old tropes and epithets interesting and novel as TSC progresses. I think we also could all attribute the creation of the Herondale to Cassie: obnoxiously attractive and poetic young male with a bottomless heart and strong opinions on the proclivities and capabilities of ducks? Yeah, that’s a Herondale.

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