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#than like. anything about reproductive health here
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terrifies me sometimes that the US politics I have learnt largely against my will is still regularly more than the amount USians seem to know. like. yeah okay I am a political science student so that doesn’t help the situation. but when I, an anti-US Australian, am able to summarise the recent national security bill while USians are claiming that they’ve never heard of said bill……. what is happening
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I promised you some lions! Let's talk about manes, males, and management.
This is Tandie, the current male lion at the Woodland Park Zoo.
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Notice anything odd about him? He's got one of those hilarious awkward teenager manes. Except... this cat is nine years old.
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I was, of course, immediately curious.
Manes serve a lot of purposes for male lions, including being an indicator of health and fitness - it's actually a sexually selected trait and a social signal. Mane texture / hair quality / length is dependent on nutrition and the body having energy to grow (and carry around!) that much hair! The color is also a signal: males with darker manes have been found to have higher testosterone levels.
In one research report, wild males were much more likely to avoid a lion decoy when it had a longer or darker mane - but the girls really loved a dark mane. It's thought this is because a long, dark mane is an indicator of mate quality. Males with longer, darker manes have higher testosterone and were pretty healthy: meaning they had more energy for fighting, had a better chance of recovering if they got injured, and generally had a higher rate of offspring survival. Manes matter!
So, back to Tandie. He was actually born at the Woodland Park Zoo in 2014 alongside two brothers, to dad Xerxes and mother Adia.
This was Xerxes (rip).
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Obviously, a very large, dark, lush mane on Xerxes here. So where did these blond muttonchops come from on his son?
I asked the zoo docents and got an answer that didn't make a lot of sense. They told me that after the three cubs grew into adolescents, they were moved to the Oakland Zoo together. But living together suppressed his testosterone, and he never grew a mane.
Hmmmm.
Here's a photo from 2016, when the brothers debuted at Oakland. They're a year and a half old in this photo.
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(Photo Credit: Oakland Zoo)
And here's from an announcement for their third birthday.
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(Photo credit: Oakland Zoo)
Okay, so these dudes obviously all were growing manes as of 2017. I think Tandie is the one on the left in the first photo, and laying down in the middle on the second. What happened?
I was just in the Bay Area for a zoo road trip, of course I went to Oakland and tracked down a docent to ask some questions.
It turns out that shortly after the brothers turned three, they started acting like adult male lions: they started scuffling regularly. It's a normal social thing for male lions to live in groups, called coalitions, but according to my lion experts there's generally a baseline level of some social jostling within them. It wasn't quite clear from what the docent said if they couldn't manage the boys together, or if they just wanted to avoid the scratches and small wounds that result from normal lion behavior. Regardless, they put all three of the boys on testosterone blockers in order to be able to keep them together as a social group.
Now, I don't know a lot about the use of hormone alteration as a form of captive animal management, except in the case of birth control. I don't think it's something that's unethical - there was just a webinar on it that I saw go by - but I don't think it's commonly done with big cats. Lions have kind of complicated reproductive cycles, and for instance, we've been learning that female lions can take much longer to come into estrus again than expected after coming off hormonal birth control.
In males, testosterone blockers (or being neutered) means they lose their manes. This is why a lot of rescues will do a vasectomy on their males instead of a neuter - it allows them to keep their mane and the social signals that accompany it.
Tandie returned home to Woodland Park Zoo after Xerxes passed in early 2022, and the docent told me all of the lions had been off their blockers "for while." I'd guess those things happened around the same time, since bringing the trio down to a duo at Oakland would reduce some of the social tensions.
Hormones are such interesting things, though. One of Tandie's brothers has a full mane again, and the other is still totally mane-less.
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As for Tandie, his mane is growing back in, and it looks like he might rival his dad for length and coloration.
He started here, in February:
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Yesterday:
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What a difference four months (and maybe proximity to a girl) makes!
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esmedelacroix · 4 months
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𝕬 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖑 𝕶𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝕴𝖘𝖓'𝖙 𝕬𝖋𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝕲𝖊𝖙 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖔𝖓 𝕳𝖎𝖘 𝕾𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉…
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pairing: crown princess!reader x knight!miguel o'hara
cw: messy period sex, unprotected p in v, size kink, blood, dom!miguel o'hara, fingering, size kink, edging kinda, dacryphilia, slight degradation kink
a/n: hey lovies, this isn't my usual content but I have endometriosis and I hate it. But period sex always helps so here. This is set in sort of medival times. Hope you like it, a like, comment, or repost is always appreciated. Let me know what you think!
wc: 2.5k
꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷
"Ughhhh," "UGhhhH"
"Her Highness has started her menstrual cycle," Archibald, your retiring personal knight, explained to your new personal knight in training, Miguel.
"This is a common occurrence, nothing has ever helped her Highness," Archibald continued.
"Are the doctors not equipped with the medicine needed?" Miguel asked as he heard a high-pitched wail.
"They are but Her Highness has rather odd and abnormally painful symptoms. The doctors can't figure out a cure for it," he sighed.
Miguel bit the interior of his cheek in deep thought and during his break, he decided to go to the library. He sat at one of the desks with piles of biology and anatomy books.
He didn't know any way to make himself useful to you other than to try to study your condition and perhaps figure out a way to help you.
It was hard for him to find much of anything because scientists at the time paid little attention to studying women's bodies and the female reproductive system. It's quite disappointing because women are amazing. They can create life but all male scientists care about is themselves. "What a shame," Miguel muttered to himself as he opened up another textbook.
He didn't take the time to read the cover so he was flabbergasted when he began to read the contents of the book.
He was reading a study about the health benefits of an orgasm when in pain. There are specific chemicals released when both males and females experience an orgasm.
What if these same chemicals can combat menstrual pain, Miguel thought to himself. "Miguel it's time to return to your post," Archibald said as he entered the library.
"I'll be right there," Miguel said as he organized all of his books for later.
"You were studying?" Archibald asked as he led you down the halls.
"Yes, I wanted to see if there was anything I could do for Her Highness but I don't know much about menstrual pain," Miguel sighed.
Archibald hummed in response. "If you want to help the crown princess then you will take her lunch and medicine to her and attempt to get her to eat," she doesn't like to eat or do much anything other than squirm in her bed when she is experiencing menstrual pain.
"Okay," Miguel answered as he opened the doors to your room and brought your food and medicine to you on a tray. Archibald closed the door behind him and wished him luck.
Miguel was content to see that you were asleep and not suffering. You were curled up in a fetal position with a hot compress over your abdomen. Small tears were formed at the corners of your eyes. The pain had even made you cry in your sleep.
Miguel's heart sank seeing you in such a distressed manner. He softly shook your shoulder to wake you up. "Your Highness," he started softly seeing your eyes flutter open.
"It's time for your meal and medicine," he continued. You jolted awake as your eyes adjusted to the light then turned to look at him before feeling your face heat up.
"Who dares enter my room when I am so indecent?" you asked, pulling your sheets up because you were still in your nightgown.
"Where are my manners? I'm your new personal knight, Miguel O'Hara," he introduced with a bow.
You nodded in response, allowing yourself to calm down. You stretched out your arms and sat up against your headboard. Just as you did so, you winced in pain. "My lady, are you still feeling pain?" he asked.
"Yes, I should eat quickly so I can take that medicine," you groaned.
"Yes," Miguel said as he began to cut your food for you and held a forkful up to your lips. You were rather surprised by the gesture but you weren't opposed to it. Archibald never does this for me, you thought to yourself as you enjoyed your food.
There were moments when you had to take a break because of the pain but you finished your meal in record time. After finishing the medicine you were still in tears and extreme pain.
It was enough pain to make you wail. The rumors were true though, you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Your voice was soothing even when you sobbed. When tears trickled down your cheeks they only added to your beauty.
Miguel hated to see such a beautiful woman in pain. Especially when there was nothing that he could do to alleviate it. Well, there was one thing he could do. He could suggest that you touch yourself. But weren't in the state to do even that. I could give her an orgasm, he thought to himself before shaking his head.
"No, that would be out of line," he muttered to himself quietly.
"What would be out of line?" you sniffled, turning to him.
"Um well, there was one remedy for your pain that I was researching. But it would be out of line if I helped you perform it," he explained.
"Please do it for me I'll do anything to stop feeling so much pain," you practically begged.
"I'm not sure if a lowly knight like myself should help you do this," he said, trying to convince you to let it go.
"Just tell me what it is, I'm sure I wouldn't mind you doing please just do this one thing for me, Miguel," she pleaded. Miguel was going to deny once more but once his name left your lips pounding like a beautiful song, he felt he couldn’t say no.
"Well, the remedy my lady, is to give you an orgasm," he admitted as his cheeks flushed.
Your own cheeks flushed when you realized that you were basically begging your personal guard to have intercourse with you. "Oh, that's most certainly not what I was expecting you to say," you said as he averted his eyes when you looked in his direction. You weighed the pros and cons of having sex with your new personal knight. You couldn’t even believe you were thinking of sex with a palace guard.
You put your hand to your chin as you thought about it for a good minute sizing him up out of the corner of your eye. He wasn't too bad looking. He was very big, you wondered if his penis was also big.
And his face, well it was magnificent. He looked like royalty in your eyes with that handsome face of his. You could see yourself having sex with him.
“Dismiss everyone on this floor of the palace, Miguel,” You commanded. Miguel shot you a confused look.
“I’m very loud in bed, chop chop Miguel,” you whispered as another wave of pain hit you. Miguel was surprised how your voice went from a sweet soft soft-spoken voice to one dripping in sin.
He got up and stepped out to the hallway relaying your command to Archibald who had everyone on the floor you were on gone in minutes.
“Now that we have some privacy, come here,” you demanded as you winced in pain.
Miguel walked up to you as you laid back holding onto the edge of his t-shirt bringing him down with you. Your faces are inches apart. Hot breaths fanning each other's lips. "Unsheathe your sword, Miguel," you whispered looking into his hungry eyes.
Miguel stripped himself still hovering over you. The second his name left your lips, it was as if you put him in a trance. He did everything he was asked to do. He then bunched up the hem of your nightgown slowly lifting it above your legs slowly. “May I?” he asked, trying to be as gentle as possible.
You propped yourself up on your elbows letting out an exasperated sigh, rolling your eyes. “You don’t have to be so formal, I need you, to fuck this royal pussy like I’m some common whore at a brothel, that’s an order Miguel” you spat as your face contorted in pain.
Miguel was surprised by your sudden dirty unladylike language. But that went straight to his hardening dick.
He took your nightgown off with a newfound sense of urgency. He was pleased to see that you were almost completely naked underneath, still sporting your menstrual underwear, nipples hardening at the feeling of the cold air hitting them.
He wasted no time pulling off your menstrual underwear and setting it aside. You spread your legs for him to get a better view of your pussy that was now throbbing with want.
Miguel ran his index from your bloody slit to your clit picking up the moisture of your blood and slick. Pressed on your aching bud with his thumb moving it in circular motions. A long moan erupted from your throat. Your hand gripped his wrist tightly as he pushed a finger into your aching hole still playing with your clit with another.
The muscles and veins in his arms flexed and pulsated as he worked your sopping-wet pussy. He added another one of his thick fingers stretching you in preparation for his fat cock. You only looked down for a second when he took his pants off and fear struck the pit of your stomach. He was so big you weren't sure if he'd even fit. That made your sick and twisted mind even thirstier. Wanting more and more of him.
Your hands gripped his arms until your knuckles practically turned white as you tried to suppress your moans as he slipped a third finger into your cunt that was coating his whole hand in your wetness and blood. "Don't conceal it, I wanna hear you, wanna make sure I'm making you feel good," he grunted into your ear as he began to rut against the bed. He lay in between your legs focused on fucking you with his fingers.
Your blood was dripping onto the sheets, but you didn't care, you felt too good. You moaned for him chanting a mantra of his name until his name and the stretch were all you could think about. "Miguel, inside, I want you inside please," you begged.
"Oh yeah? You want this cock in your pussy?" he taunted as a smirk graced his lips.
"Yesyesyesyesyes," was all you could moan out your mind going almost blank as your legs began to shake.
"Tell me how badly you want it, show me how badly you want it," he growled into your ear as he added a fourth finger and picked up the pace.
The pleasure almost completely took you over as fat tears formed at the corner of your eyes. "I need you, inside, Miguel please, need your cock," you moaned shamelessly moving your hips against his fingers matching his speed.
You grip the sheets with one hand, the other holding onto his, as your back arches. Blood and slick gushed out of your pussy as your orgasm approached you at lightning speed. Until it didn't, and you felt the pleasure died down completely. You let out a frustrated whine letting go of the sheets. "Miggy, why," you whined almost sobbing because of the stolen orgasm.
"You said you wanted me in you, you're going to have to work for it, my lady," he said as he lay on the bed and put you on top of him with ease. You straddled him looking down at him with tears in your eyes as he grinned at you.
"Miguel please, help me," you said as you positioned your slit in line with his bulbous tip that was dripping with precum.
"Uh uh uh, you gotta do that on your own," he cooed as he whipped a falling tear from your face.
"I will be your queen soon," you said sternly.
"But right now you're my whore, now get to work, this cock isn't going to ride itself," he spat as he slammed you down onto him practically impaling you on his dick.
You took a moment to adjust to his size. The stretch was amazing. You had never felt so full and he was hitting a sweet spot. You moved slowly, then faster, then much faster. You heard Miguel let out a moan almost sounding like a whimper.
He grips your hips tightly, surely making bruises as you milk him. His eyes rolled back as he tried his hardest not to explode right then and there because of how warm, wet, and tight your pussy felt.
Helpless moans of his name were spilling from your mouth as your blood spilled onto him staining his skin and your sheets. “That’s it, princess, just like that,” Miguel groaned.
Quickly you felt your orgasm approaching, the coil in your stomach about to snap. Your legs began to feel like jelly and you felt yourself stop moving. “I can’t, Mig, help,” you whined trying to keep moving.
“You’ve been a good girl, I’ll take care of ya’,” he said as she moved your hips with his hands that rested on them fucking himself up into you.
The Lewd sound of you chanting his name and wet skin slapping wet skin filled the room. As he picked up the pace your moans became more and more high-pitched. “You’re fuckin’ me s’ good Mig,” you moaned.
“Yeah? Tell me how good I’m doin’ you,” he grunted as fucked you harder too kissing your cervix as his dick started to twitch in you.
“S’ good, love this fat cock,” you whined as you clenched him hard as your legs shook violently.
“Cum with me baby,” he grunted as he pumped himself into you.
“Cumming, I’m gonna cum,” you whined as you creamed around his cock making a mess of him only being able to think of him and utter his name.
Miguel continued to fuck into you elongating your orgasm as he released his hot, thick, cum deep into your womb. You collapsed on top of him panting and trying to catch your breath.
You slowly slid out snuggling into his side. “Sorry, about the mess,” you started, gesturing to his half-soft member that was coated with your blood.
“Oh, no worries Your Highness, a real knight isn’t afraid to get blood on his sword,” he stated.
“I suppose that is true,” you replied, giggling a bit.
“So how is that menstrual pain?” Miguel asked as he caressed your bare back and planted small wet kisses into your neck.
“Honestly, I forgot I even had it, I guess it’s gone, I mean, you made me feel so good,” you sighed breathlessly.
Miguel slowly got up covering you with your bed sheets. “I’ll go ahead and run you a bath my lady,” he said as he prepared your towel, shampoo, and bath salts.
“Thank you, Miguel, I wouldn't be so opposed to you joining me,” you chirped.
“Oh, I do not wish to impose-“ he started before you cut him off.
“That’s an order, Miguel,” you whispered, with a small smirk playing on your lips. You were nowhere near done and neither was he.
"You little minx," he hummed as he disappeared into the bathroom.
. . .
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974 notes · View notes
yuyu1024 · 4 months
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Twilight
Pairings: Yoongi × y/n
Genre/tags: Arranged marriage
Warning: 🔞🔞 smut/angst, mention of food/eating, cursing, sensual touching, making out, needy/clingy, Pet name, lies, kink, unprotected sex, mention of smoking and drinking alchohol jealousy, insecurity, mention of weight&food/eating, mention of blood/violence
~~~~[lmk if i miss anything]
Words: 5.6k
Disclaimer:
- this story is just made up
- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊
Part 1 - Prisoner
Part 2 - Escape
Part 3 - Twilight
A/N: again thanks for liking this mini series and my simple writing... 🫶🏻 hope i don't disappoint 🙏🏻
****
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[Day 1 into the marriage]
"Here is the wedding certificate and then here are the papers where all the terms of agreement are listed." The lawyer says as he puts down the pens and papers in front of you and Yoongi whilst you two are still in your wedding outfits. "These are final prints... they were revised based from our last meeting." He adds
"Good." Yoongi picks up his pen and signs the wedding certificate. "Thanks for doing this within short notice." And then he proceeds to signing our contract, flipping each page like he's just signing some random deal at work.
"No worries, Mr. Min. We've had clients who have way more pages and things to consider than yours two." The lawyer says
So, this means that a lot of rich people do this kind of contracts. Besides the pre-nup thingy. Meaning, contracts for those who got married just because they had to. What a world we live in.
"Mrs. Min?" Your eyes slowly rises. You see the lawyer handing you the pen.
"Oh." You take the pen from his hand and then slighty move forward from the sofa you are sitting so you could reach the papers.
"Left handed...?" Yoongi mumbles making you look back at him. He is sitting beside you.
"I- I am..." and then you proceed to signing everything. Not missing a page.
"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Min." The lawyer puts everything in a folder and then an envelope and stands up to bow. "Congratulation on your marriage!"
You are not sure how to response as you know what 'marriage' you just entered. But all you could say is 'Thank you' and bow back
Then the moment the lawyer and his minions left the room, you finally relax and let out a sigh of relieved. The wedding is finally over. The day you have been preparing for months. And the acting as a perfect bride is over. Well atleast for this moment. Coz now, you are not just a bride, you are a wife now. A wife of one of the wealthiest and good looking man in the country. The only son of the famous mafia known to man.
"Don't cut your hair short..." he suddenly says cutting you from your deep thoughts
"Sorry?"
You see him staring at you. His legs crossed and his chin resting on his palm. "Maintain that length..."
Then you glance down at your curled hair that is reaching until below your chest. "Ahm.... okay." You softly answer
"Do you have a doctor?"
"Doctor? For what?"
"To monitor your health... and also a doctor to take care of you... reproductive wise..."
"W-what...?" You could feel your cheeks burn up. You didn't expect a conversation like this just after getting married. "W-why...? Like... Do we need to have children as soon as possible?"
He looks away. "The opposite." He then stands up, hands in his pockets and walks towards the door. "Monitor your period...so when I want to have sex with you... we're safe."
Speechless. He's so straightforward and he sound so cold. But atleast he is talking to you now.
"Did you hear me?" He looks back at you
"Y-yes... I will." You answer, clutching onto your skirt, nervous and scared at the same time.
"Good." He turns his back again to you. "You can rest for bit... and when you're done, your car is waiting at the back entrance."
"My... car? H-how about you?"
"I have work. I'll see you at the house."
"Oh. Okay..."
You watch him leave the room and see Mr. Kim his right hand man smile at you to bid their goodbye and close the door.
That's it for your wedding day. The very eventful day ended up to becoming so silent. Because the next time you see him is 2 weeks after. Crazy isn't it.
Weddings supposed to be followed by a trip for your honeymoon but instead you are brought to his mansion and became a prison.
***
You are walking around the mansion, familiarizing yourself with the surrounding with your personal maid that was assigned to you by your husband, when you hear commotions. Everyone are in a hurry and mumbling as they do random things.
"Miss... Master is home." Your personal maid says answering your unspoken curiosity
"Is he..." you softly say under your breathe. "Should I go to my room now and change?" You ask her.
They have debriefed you the whole two weeks your husband is out. They told you all the things you need to know and add a bit of ideas to you what Yoongi likes. More particularly, your hair being braided whenever he wants to have sex.
How funny that even his staffs know these kind of things. During the two weeks time, it made you wonder, what type of person is Yoongi. How can he be so open about his wants especially from a woman. Like woman he fucks.
It also made you question, did he fuck a lot of woman before he was forced to marry? Did he bring a different woman to pleasure him? Will you be seeing other women if you don't give him his needs? Can you satisfy him?
It's been only at beginning of this life and yet you are flooded by question but no one could answer it. You are not allowed to question him or be curious.
The maid nods and bows.
"Okay then..." you are nervous.
If ever he comes to you and he asks for sex, you are worried and scared at the same time. This is your first time. You are not experienced. You never had a chance to have to have sex yet since you are busy trying to survive and work for your family. The only experience you got is kissing and you don't even know if you are good at it. Your first and last boyfriend was the onky experience you got. you two didn't lasted that long and you were young back then so..
"What are you doing here...?"
Both you and the maid got startled a bit. You two looking back, you both see Yoongi standing at the end of the hallway.
"Y-yoongi?" You mumble, almost a whisper that you can only hear yourself.
Your husband looks like he just came from a fight. The corner of his lips is bleeding and his white shirt have blood on it too.
"Master." The maid bows and explains why you are there. "Miss is just roaming around to get familiar with the house."
While you on the other hand, you are shaking but you try your very best to hide it. "W-what happen..." your voice is too weak for him to even hear
"We were just about to go to her room to get ready." The maid adds.
Yoongi's expression is empty. He is just starring at you with those sharp eyes. It is sending shivers all over your body.
"Tell everybody to not set foot on this wing until I say so..." Yoongi orders the maid
She bows and says, "Understood." And then she glances at me and does the same. "Miss..." before she disappears leaving you and Yoongi alone in the hallway.
"What are you staring at?" He asks as he begins to walk towards you. "Do I scare you?"
"No..." you shake your head
"Do I repulse you?" He then stops right in front of you.
You can now see it more clearing. His bloody lip, the scratches on his neck and his scar. The prominent scar on his face that made you curious about him since the day you met him.
"No... not at all..." you answer
He scoffs with disbelief with your answer. "You are just saying that because of our contract."
You feel offended a little because you are being honest. You are scared of the situation but not him. You are afraid that you might mess up your first night but not because of him. He never really scares you which is odd.
Before you met him, people already gave you warning about him. You were worried yes however all of that blew away when you saw him look at you. You know something is behind those empty eyes. He is different that what people know. You don't want to judge him.
"No..." you insist.
"Really?" He then raises his hand and touch your long straight hair.
"Your hand..." you mumble seeing his red knuckles. "Does it hurt?"
"That's nothing." He answers. "I can still use my hand..." then he gently touch your breast. He let his finger feel where your nipple is and then squeezing it lightly.
You inhale sharply as you watch him do it. This is the first time anyone have touched you like this, in a semi public place. You thought you'd be uncomfortable. But no. You like it. That's what your body tells you.
He is also watching you react on his touch. His eyes never left yours. "Are you nervous?" He asks
"A little."
He smirks, "you should be."
Then he pulled you in for a kiss by grabbing you by your nape. You tip toed a little as he is taller than you. You struggled a bit to find your balance but it didn't matter seconds later as you begin to melt the moment he devours your lips. He is holding you tight and basically carrying you.
His other hand skims down your back until it reaches your ass. He's caressing you down back that it pulls up your mini dress.
"I like this." He says in between the kiss as he touched your lace underwear.
Your heart is beating so fast. The sudden thrilling feeling is overwhelming you but at the same time is turning you on. The way he touches you is making you feel you are so sexy even though you know you are not.
"Spread your legs." He orders and you follow. Then his hand goes in to your panty and cup you down there. "You're so wet." He smirks
You are out of breathe when the kissing stops but him touching you down there, it is making you so red. No one has touched you down there.
"No braids today... I can't fucking wait anymore." He then scoops you off the ground and carried you bridal style. "I'll let this one go since we just got married. I need to fuck you right now."
**********
[6months into the marriage]
Yoongi have been gone for two days for business. He said he will back today but told you not to wait and just go to bed. However, after seeing him looking at bit grumpy and frustrated during his call earlier, you can't help but worry for him. Because usually when you see him like that he'll come home with a bloody knuckle again.
Thinking about him the whole day now affects you. You can't sleep nor feel tired. Your brain is so awake and imagining things that might happen to him.
You want to call him or even message Mr. Kim to know how is he doing. But you can't. You're not allowed to contact him unless it is about your schedule or about his parents. Your interaction with him is still very limited. It's been months since you two got married but nothing has changed.
And since you can't sleep, you decided to go down to the kitchen and make yourself a hot milk. It is perfect for the winter weather and also maybe it can help to ease your mind and get you to feel sleepy even just a little bit.
"It's snowing..." you mumble to yourself as enter the kitchen area.
There is a huge window where you could see the back of the house where the mini garden. You say mini since it is mini compare to how huse this whole house is.
The bushes are all covered in snow and you could see how the moon light reflects on them. It's mesmarizing but also dangerous especially if you are out driving.
"I wonder..." you whisper as you stand right next to the window. "I hope he gets home safetly..."
***
After drinking your hot milk and spending a few minutes staring into the world outside through the window, you still don't feel sleepy at all. So even it's already pass 10pm, you decided that maybe going to your study room and to read a book might help to.
However, on your way to your study area, you walk pass by Yoongi's wing where his room is located
You could hear men talking which made you stop and observe from the end of the hall. You see Mr. Kim talking to a man wearing a white blazer coat. He looked familiar but you are not sure. Not until he turned around and talked to a nurse that came out of Yoongi's room.
He is the Min's family doctor. He is also the same doctor that did your health check up months ago.
"Why is he--"
Then a high pitched, piercing cry echoed from Yoongi's room. He's screaming. He is in pain.
Both men hurries back in his room to check on Yoongi while you on the other hand, frozen and terrified from afar. Questions like; what happened? What's going on? Is he hurt? Why? Is he okay? Why is he screaming like that?
You want to sprint forward to go and check what the fuck is going on with your husband but you are forbidden to enter his wing. Per his rule.
'Y/N... just walk away. Walk away and pretend you didn't hear anything. That's how its supposed to be...' you say to yourself in your head as you take a step back and try to act like nothing happened.
Just move on. You keep repeating as you turn your back. You know he'll not like it, you being nosy.
*******
[7 months & 1 week into the marriage]
"What is it?" He asks as he flips the page of the book he's reading.
"Oh...S-sorry..." you lower your head again and just continued pretending reading the book you have in hand.
He caught you staring at him. But to be more specific, staring at his injured shoulder. This is the first you guys spent time together again. He was gone for awhile. Their doctor insisted that he need to get an operation as his injury was serious.
Yoongi denied him so many times. Even the doctor explained the danger that it would caused him and the injury really damaging his shoulder. He's very hard headed.
But you are glad that eventually, he said yes to the operation. Everyone is relieved when Mrs. Min, his mom, got to force him out of his dungeon and straight to the hospital.
"Are you even actually reading that book?" Yoongi shuts the book he have on hand and throws it on the sofa he's sitting on.
"Ahm..." your eyes shake. "I am..."
"Okay then... what is it about?"
You lift the book more to cover your face. "A young girl... fell in love with a vampire... but the vampire does not like her... so she tries his best to find a way to be... a vampire too... coz maybe... he'll like her back." You made it up. Sort of. You barely finished reading chapter 15.
"Really?"
"Uhum..." you hum and flip a page to act like you are still reading.
Yoongi shakes his head, "What a dumb book." He mumbles.
"Why do you think it is dumb?"
He rolls his eyes. "Why would she want to be a vampire if the vampire does not even like her in the first place. What would that change? That's a bit pathetic of her and stupid"
You lower the book onto your lap and shut it slowly. "Yeah... I guess you're right..."
His comment about the book sort of hit you in the heart. Since you kind a share the same story of the female lead. You are not in love but you try so hard to be accepted and be liked by him, your husband. Though you know it will never happen. He only likes to fuck you. Nothing more. Nothing less.
"My mother wants to have lunch with you on the weekend. Be available." He says as he is focused on his phone probably reading emails.
'I'm always available.' You say in your head. 'How can I not be? I'm just at home and no where to go to.'
"Okay." You answer as you put down the book down beside you.
He is busy looking down at his phone now. Again. And just like that the room became so silent. You are just literally there to accompany him while he sits down in his home office and do whatever business he do. He do his work at home since he cannot report yet to work.
*beeps*
Your phone blinks as you receive a new message. It is a message from your friend back home, Taehyung. He's asking you how are you and also giving you updates about everything that has been going on in your small town. His simple text and updates every now and then really makes you smile. It is a simple thing that you look forward to every now and then. Since, lately, you have been loosing your smile day by day.
"What's funny?" He asks, not even looking at you
You put your phone down. "N-nothing... sorry...."
********
[11 months into the marriage]
Your wedding anniversary is coming soon and for some reason you are excited about it. You are not giggling to yourself or kicking off your feet when you are in bed alone thinking about it, however, you are really looking forward to it. For some reason, you want to celebrate it. It is a milestone for you. A simple achievement.
"Here you go, Miss." Your maid pulls out this mini plunging floral print dress with long sleeves from the hanger. You bought this online a few weeks ago. You think it is a cute dress to wear today. It is not fancy nor expensive but you like it. "Where to go today, Miss?"
You get up from the chair and undo your robe, revealing a cute pair of undergarment. "Nothing special... I just.... want to go out."
"I'll inform the driver then to get ready."
"Thank you." You take the dress from her hand so she could go on and inform the driver.
You have nothing to do today. Yoongi is out of town again and you have no schedules so you decided to go and visit your friend back home.
***
"Y/N!" Taehyung runs towards you and embraces you the moment you got out of the car. "Long time no see!" He then pats your head and pinches your cheek.
"Long time..." you answer then pulling back a little as you see his little sister running from afar. "Mia!" Bending down so you could welcome the little cutie's hug. "I've missed you! Oh my gosh! You've grown so much!"
"She's now two... can you believe it?" Taehyung says
"Oh dear!" You carry her and kisses her chubby cheeks. "I want to eat your cute little cheeks!" You tease her, making her giggle.
"Glad you had time to visit."
"Yeah... My husband is away so... I made plans."
"Why? Does he not allow you to go out?"
"No... not like that... he's busy and I got busy as well which is... new. And I'm still adjusting..."
It is true that Yoongi does not limit you with going out. It's just that you were and still adjusting big time to everything. The lifestyle, the household and Him. He is the big adjustment in your life right now.
"So, how's married life? I mean... married life with one of the richest man in the country?"
You exhale as smile. "Weird?"
"Weird? In what way?"
A lot of things. The lavish life is very nice in the beginning and exciting but then as time goes by you get very overwhelmed by the new things and items that comes in every now and then. Plus you don't repeat that much clothes which is very icky for you coz every dress and clothing is expensive so you want to wear them as much as possible.
Luckily, Yoongi didn't mind when you told him to not ask his stylists to buy you new clothes every release. You told him you wanted to buy on your own and just ask for consultation when you need to.
"Not used to it yet." Then you look behind you. "Even going around with a maid and a bodyguard."
He looks back and sees the two person standing a few feet away. "Oh... right."
"Play! Play!" Little Mia mumbles as she points at their house
"Play what?" You ask
"Ah, Dad built her a play house at the back. She likes to go their and play pretend house with her dolls." Taehyung explains
"I see.." you kiss little Mia's cheek again. "Let's play?"
"Yayaya!" Little Mia squeals in joy.
***
You spent quite a few hours at your friend's house. You even met a few old neighbors and classmates as well, catching up with their own lives and everything. It was fun. You enjoyed talking with them, finally talking this much again like before. It was refreshing.
However, along the talkings, you find it amusing that most of them got married as well after you and one is already expecting a baby and the other one is excited to go on a trip with his husband. Their stories of marriage is very different than yours. Their stories are very warm and thrilling while yours have a lot of activities yes, but the warmth, you don't have that.
You felt your smile fade away as the conversations continues. You also felt small and be like the other kid that's missing out a lot.
Taehyung even noticed it. He put his arm around you and gave you a 'it's okay' look. He knows what you are already feeling though he didn't asked what was on your mind. He just knew you needed a little nudge.
"Warm bath, miss?" Your maid asks as you both exit the elevator.
You got home already. You were knocked out on the way home.
"Maybe later?" You say.
"Understood."
"Thank you for today... you can go and rest for a bit. I'll just call you if I need you."
She bows. "Miss." And then walks off
You sigh heavily, closing your eyes shut for a few seconds before you decide to go to your study room. You want complete isolation and probably sit down at your favorite spot, the window seat and watch the sunset. Your study room have the best view of the sunset.
Pushing the window slightly open to let the crispy cool air in, then kicking your shoes off your feet as you lean your head out a bit and take in the fresh air.
The small smile you are wearing instantly vanishes as a thought comes in your head again.
Taehyung did talked to you before you left earlier. Besides asking you to visit often, he suddenly asked you if you're happy. Of course you said yes but deep inside, you question yourself. 'Am I?'
"Yah! Yoongi! You promised me that yatch so you should get me that yatch!"
You suddenly hear a woman's voice from afar. You have never heard anyone talk that loud ever in this house. So it made you curious. You peak your head out again from your window and start to look around where it comes from. And then when your eyes lands on the view of the driveway, you see Yoongi walking towards the car where Mr. Kim is waiting, holding the door and then a woman following your husband.
"Hey... don't ignore me!" She runs after Yoongi and hooks her arm to his.
It stunned you. You never hooked your arms around Yoongi's before. They.... look close. Who is she?
You see Yoongi talk to her, making an exhausted face. He looks so done and just want her to leave. But at the same time, it's not like he does not want to talk to her. Actually, he looks a bit relaxed talking to her.
Compared to you. He is strict, always serious and bored.
"Buy me the yatch!" She says again before he gets into the car.
You didn't hear what Yoongi answered. He just waved his hands and Mr. Kim shuts the door and goes to the passenger seat and leave with the unknown girl.
Before Yoongi could turn around and catch you, you instantly get back in and shut the window.
*****
[1st Anniversary]
"Good morning, Miss." Your maid enters your room and bows as she always does.
"Is he home?"
"Master left early this morning."
"Really..." you softly say. You sound sad and disappointed. "Did he say where is he going and what time will he back?"
"Sorry, Miss. Master didn't mention anything nor Mr. Kim."
"Hmm... okay then."
You had your hopes up. How stupid of you to think that he will celebrate with you. Hoping that maybe, even just for special occassions like this he could atleast be present.
It is a tough year for you. All through out this whole year, the only thing that is constant for your smile fading away. Yeah you are a bit light and always trying to be positive about the two of you. But since now its your one year into this marriage, officially 1st anniversary, and he is still like this. Maybe it's better you stop smiling already. It breaking your heart every time.
"Maybe he's with her." You mumble. "She's more of a good company than I am..." you flop on your bed and cover yourself with your duvet.
"Shall I get ready your outfits, Miss?"
"No.... just... sorry... can you please leave me alone for awhile?"
"I'll be outside."
Hearing the door closing, finally you let loose of yourself. For the first time, you are crying because of Him. Sobbing. You don't know why you are but it just felt right. You are disappointed, tired and feel unappreciated. Though you know how this thing between you two is, even you tell it to yourself hundred of times, you can't stop your own self to care and not try. You don't want to be a burden for him. You don't want to take advantage of his money. You don't want to act like you don't give a fuck. You don't want to not like him.
Yoongi is still a person, a man and you are a woman. Though you know that you don't love him you still like him. He is a kind person and giving though he is strict and have tons of rules for you but you don't care. And you don't know why you don't care.
It is very confusing for you. You are not even sure now what you are feeling. You just want him to notice you and just to... care. Maybe? Even just a little bit. ;(
You continue to cry and cry until your heart feels as numb as your eyes. You want to let it all out now to get over with your feelings. He can't see you emotional. He can't see that you care. Because if he did, maybe it will make him change his mind and let you go.
****************
[Day after 1st anniversary]
"Here's your coffee, Sir." Mr. Kim cautiously puts his cup of coffee in his desk while Yoongi is busy talking to his staff online
He did woke up early today even though he finished work late as well. He is already in his home office at 4am and very busy already. He had a few early meetings with time differences to think of.
"Can't you all fucking handle this? It's not like the task is hard!" He is scowling at the two men at the corner of the screen as he take a hit of his cigarette. "I assigned you to collect these because I know you could handle those mother fuckers. What happened?!?"
"Our mistake, Sir." One starts, "We didn't expected him to resist since it's their frist time dealing with us."
"Hmmm." Yoongi smashes his cigar on the ash tray. "Bring in your men tomorrow morning before dawn and show them how we deal with fuckers like him. And tell them this is us being super nice."
"Yes sir."
"Let's end this now. Just inform me when it's all sorted."
"Understood sir."
Yoongi then slams his laptap close and then grabs his cup of coffee to drink.
"What's my schedule for today?"
Mr. Kim then checks the ipad on his hand. "Nothing sir..."
"Nothing?" Yoongi frowns. "What you mean nothing?"
Mr. Kim looks at him and tries to see if Yoongi would realize what day it is today. "I guess you really forgot."
"Forgot what?" Yoongi puts down the coffee and pulls his phone out of his pocket to see what day it is. "So, you are telling me you didn't scheduled any work today because of my wedding anniversary yesterday?"
"Yes."
Yoongi rolls his eyes and leans back to his chair. "We have a lot of collections to do, Mr. Kim."
"I know sir. But one day of rest would not hurt." He says, "with your wife."
Raising his brow, Yoongi does not show any hint of any emotion. Mr. Kim could not sense if he's okay with it or not.
Sighing, "Ready the car." Yoongi orders the man standing by the door.
"Where are you going, Sir?" Mr. Kim questions
Yoongi didn't answer though. He just stood up and started walking to exit his office. He even told his men and even Mr. Kim to not follow him which confused most of them.
"Where do you think Master going today?" The young guard asks
Mr. Kim smiles and says, "Not sure where... but looks like he's visiting his wife first."
And he is right. Yoongi is actually stomping his way towards the other wing of the mansion where Y/N's room is located.
"Master." Two maids who are walking along the hallways this early, cleaning, sees him and greets him.
"Is she awake?"
"No sir. Not yet...."
He stops just at her door. "She's usually up early. Right?"
"Yes, master." One answer, "she do get up early... but not today..."
"Is she sick?"
"No... but..." then the maid pauses and lookd hesitant.
"What is it?" Yoongi turns to see why the maid stopped.
"Well...." she lowers her voice. "We heard that... Miss cried so much yesterday."
"Cried?" Yoongi's forehead creases with confusion
"Yes." Both maid answers
"Hmm..." Yoongi then faces Y/N's wooden door and just stayed still for a good few seconds.
"Do you want us to wake her up, Master?" One asks
"No..." he utters as he hold onto the door handle. "Please go ahead and prepare breakfast so when she wakes up at sunrise she could eat...and also... just... leave us alone for a moment..."
Both maids look at each other, surpressing a smile. They know Yoongi is worried about his wife though their master seems to not notice it himself. They find it amusing how their master is... changing. It is very minimal and not really noticable unless you have known him for quite sometime. But it is a big thing.
"We'll let the others know..." the other says, pertaining to not disturb the couple
***
Upon entering Y/N's room, Yoongi finds his wife sleeping so soundly on her queen size bed. Her arms are on her side, spreadout like they are her wings and about to fly. Her eyes, he can see how puffy they are. And her expression, she looks like she really did fell asleep crying. She even fell asleep on the buttom end of her bed.
She's adorable.
"Why did you cried?" Yoongi asks softly as he runs his knuckles on her cheek. "Is it because of me...?" He goes down to sit on the bedroom bench and picks up the book that must've fallen on the floor. "Or is it because... of this book...?" He places the book back on the bed and leans in, to fix her douvet. "I hope it's the latter... don't cry because of me... it's not worth it." He then removes the hair strands covering her face. "also.... I didn't forgot" he then bends over more before planting a soft and delicate kiss on her lips whilst making sure he won't wake her up. "Happy anniversary Y/N..." his eyes scans her face one more time before kissing her again. But this time on her forehead and whispered. "Just wait a bit more..."
***
"Sir..." Mr. Kim bows as Yoongi returns to his home office. "The car is ready..."
However, Yoongi didn't responded. He just walk pass Mr. Kim and go to stand by his office window.
"Is everything alright, Sir?"
Closing his eyes, Yoongi tries to organize his thoughts.
"Mr. Kim..."
"Yes, sir?"
Yoongi opens his eyes, just in time for the a hint of light peaks through the dark sky. "Can you please call my lawyer..."
"Sir?" Mr. Kim wonders why Yoongi suddenly wants him to contact a lawyer. "May I ask, which one?"
Yoongi turns around to face him. "Call Mr. Choi..."
Processing in his mind why Yoongi would like to call the lawyer than made their prenup and marriage contract alk of a sudden. "Okay sir... but may I ask for what reason?"
Yoongi picks up his pack of cigarette and pulls out one stick using his lips. "Just bring him in. I need to talk to him. Privately.... Asap."
"Understood, Sir."
Next: Fate
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fangirleaconmigo · 1 year
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Abortion in The Witcher Books
Would anyone like to come along with me on a deep dive regarding abortion in The Witcher books? Not enough people talk about the fact that Geralt of Rivia is explicitly pro-choice and that the sorceresses are seen providing reproductive care, including abortion, on multiple occasions. So, let's do that.
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There are a lot of things you can say about The Witcher books, feminism, misogyny, and the male gaze. (I am considering doing my first video on this very topic. It is complicated. This is not a 'the books are perfect' post) But one thing we can never say is that they are wishy washy about bodily autonomy, and more specifically, abortion. (In fact, that is the entire point of Ciri and Geralt's arc, which I will get to at the end of the post)
This topic came up awhile back because a 'witcher school' was closed after the owners were found to have ties to far right organizations, including anti-abortion organizations. So, I did a little thread on twitter about it, wondering how you can call yourself a Witcher fan (to the extent that you license a fan activity business!), and miss the entire fucking point. It was my most popular (and ofc hated by others) tweet ever, which was interesting, but I was mostly surprised that so many people were shocked to learn that Geralt of Rivia is, as a character, canonically, verbally, explicitly pro-abortion rights.
So I’m going to put the info here too in case any of you here find it interesting. Obviously there will be spoilers for the books.
TW: discussion of sexual assault, pregnancy, and basically anything having to do with reproductive health.
Before I start, I want to say that the book refers to abortion in reference to rights for women throughout, so that is the language in this article. I want to be clear that I (as an individual) understand that abortion is relevant to other genders and that I support it for trans men, non binary people, literally anyone. Abortion should be safe and on demand for all. But this is not a post analyzing my views on abortion, but the appearance of abortion in fictional psuedo medieval-esque fantasy world of The Witcher books.
Ok, I’ll start with the fact that sorceresses provide reproductive care in the books, including abortions.
In, The Last Wish (p210) Geralt tries to give Nenneke money to help Yen with fertility treatments. (In the books he does not mock her desire to have a child) He knows Yen wants to be a mother, and he wants to help. Nenneke replies that she does not need his money, and that providing abortions pays a hell of a lot better than witchering.
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"You're more of an idiot than I thought." Nenneke picked up the basket from the ground. "A costly treatment? Help? Geralt, these jewels of yours are, to her, knickknacks not worth spitting on. Do you know how much Yennefer can earn for getting rid of an unwanted pregnancy for a great lady?"
Witches as providers of abortion is a very common trope in fantasy fiction for a very good reason. In order to stamp out paganism and polytheism, European colonists vilified the village wise woman as a murderer of children, hence the 'boil them in a pot, stuff them in the oven' stories about witches. Many people interpret this as the vilification of abortion. In the classic 1972 feminist text Witches, Midwives, and Nurses: A History of Women Healers, Ehrenreich and English quote Malleus Maleficarum, the witch hunting manual written by Catholic clergymen in 1487, to show that women providing reproductive healthcare was one of the 'characteristics' of a witch.
The witch that provides reproductive healthcare fits in very well in the witcher world, where Geralt and the witchers are embodiments of the working class who are used as tools and exploited. They are loathed until they are needed. The same is true of abortion providers. They are hated until they are needed, and they are always needed.
It also fits in well with the themes of class. In the Witcher books, it is stated multiple times that it is upper class women who are accessing this care from sorceresses. That is real. It is the truth that outlawing something very very often only means outlawing it for the poor and working class. The wealthy always find a way.
In Season of Storms, the sorceress Coral and her assistant Mozaïk provide reproductive healthcare to "wealthy, upper-class ladies" on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Geralt comes to speak to Coral in chapter sixteen and both of the women are wearing white doctor coats. They have just helped a woman deliver a baby and it is implied that the baby died and they are both upset. They do not want Geralt there, because (it seems to me) they need space to grieve, and they do not expect him to understand. They send send him away, suggesting he go spend time with Dandelion.
She walked over and kissed him on the cheek without a word. Her lips were cold. And she had dark circles under her eyes.
She smelled of medicine. And the fluid she used as disinfectant. It was a nasty, morbid scent. A scent full of fear.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she forestalled him...She looked at him and it was a faraway look, from beyond a chasm of time and events between them. He needed a few seconds to understand how deep that chasm was and how remote were the events separating them.
"Maybe the day after tomorrow would be better. Go to town. Meet that poet, he's been worried about you. But now go, please. I have to see a patient."
After she had gone, he glanced at Mozaïk....
"We had a birth this morning," she said, and her voice was a little different. "A difficult one. She decided to use forceps. And everything that could have gone badly did."
"I understand."
"I doubt it."
"Goodbye Mozaïk."
There are multiple other references to abortion in relation to sorceresses; I won't quote them all. But I'll leave you with one other reference. In Lady of the Lake (pp114), in a very funny moment, Angoulême says she has a 'small problem' and Fringilla replies:
"I understand," nodded the sorceress. "It's nothing dreadful. When was your last period?"
Angoulême is rather put out at the thought of being pregnant.
"What do you mean?" Angoulême leaped to her feet, frightening the chickens. "It's nothing of the sort. It's something completely different!"
So, sorceresses provide abortions and other reproductive care.
But what about the men? What about the heroes?
Well, several of the male protagonists state explicitly in no uncertain terms that abortion is an inalienable, sacred right. That includes Geralt himself.
Here is Geralt taking to Queen Calanthe in Sword of Destiny (p345). She asks him whether he hates his mother. In the course of his answer, Geralt says that abortion is “a choice which should be respected, for it is the holy and irrefutable right of every woman.”
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"A choice. A choice which should be respected, for it is the holy and irrefutable right of every woman."
That’s a strong goddamn statement. There’s no doubting his meaning or the strength of his conviction. And it isn’t just Geralt. Dandelion (Jaskier), Cahir (he is traveling with Geralt as part of the hansa in the books, please set aside anything you think you know about him from TWN), and Regis (Geralts dear friend) all explicitly support abortion rights, quite passionately.
In Baptism of Fire (p317), one of Geralt’s dear friends (my favorite, the love of my life, Milva) shares that she is pregnant. They are on a brutal journey through a war zone looking for Ciri. So it’s complicated. Another friend, barber surgeon vampire Regis has prepared an elixir for her to induce an abortion. So, not only do sorceresses provide abortions, but so do vampire barber surgeons, one of the most lovable heroic characters in the books.
But before he administers it, Regis gathers the rest of the company. Regis knows Milva feels like shit at the prospect of burdening them, so he is worried that she is making the decision under duress. They don’t immediately understand why he is bringing the matter to them.
At first they think he is asking for opinions on whether she should get an abortion. They are baffled. Cahir answers first. He says in Nilfgaard it is always a woman’s right to choose.
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"In Nilfgaard," Cahir said, blushing and lowering his head, "the woman decides. No one has the right to influence her decision. Regis said that Milva is certain she wants the medicament. Only for that reason, absolutely only for that reason, have I begun-in spite of myself-to think of it as an established fact. And to think about the consequences. But I'm a foreigner, who doesn't know...I ought not to get involved. I apologize."
So, Cahir says that maybe it’s a foreigner thing. Maybe it’s different for them. Dandelion (Jaskier) is offended and outraged by the implication that they believe any differently.
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"What for?" the troubadour asked, surprised. "Do you think we're savages, Nilfgaardian? Primitive tribes, obeying some sort of shamanic taboo? It's obvious that only the woman can make a decision like that. It's her inalienable right. If Milva decides to--"
At this point, Geralt cuts Dandelion off. Geralt alone actually understands that there is something else happening here, that they are misunderstanding Regis and further questions are in order. Geralt begs Dandelion to stfu, which the bard misinterprets. He thinks Geralt is disagreeing with him and is considering opposing Milva's right to choose. Dandelion LOSES HIS TEMPER at the thought that Geralt would deny Milva her right.
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Geralt becomes even more irritated and angry at the implication that he would do such a thing.
So, not only do we have witches as abortionists in The Witcher books, we have men, the hero (Geralt) his best friend (Dandelion), my beloved Regis, and Cahir say explicitly that abortion is an inalienable right.
And that should be no surprise.
Bodily autonomy and reproductive rights is at the very heart of the story. You do not have The Witcher story without it. It drives the narrative, the conflict, and Geralt and Yen's character arcs.
There is a criticism I see floating around quite a bit, that having Yen's story driven by her desire to be a mom and to physically reproduce is anti-feminist, or at least a tired reductive trope of women being defined by their maternal instincts.
I get that. I get tired of womanhood being defined by reproduction and motherhood as well. Biological essentialism when it comes to gender is exhausting and regressive. However, in this context, it is entirely clear to me that the point is NOT that all women should want to be pregnant. The point is the bodily autonomy, to be pregnant if you want to, and to not be pregnant if you don't want to.
Look at Ciri. She essentially becomes the main character by the end, and the idea of being pregnant repulses her.
So, in Lady of the Lake, Ciri is being held captive by elves, who want to do the same thing to her that everyone else does--breed her. The deal they offer her is, she does not 'have' to have sex with anyone until she is impregnated, but if she doesn't, she can't leave. (So, if she is to access what every human wants--freedom--she has to. This is still rape. It is coerced sex) She is understandably distraught and enraged. The part of that deal she seems most disgusted by, is the idea that she could be pregnant.
"But I don't want to!" yelled Ciri so loudly that the mare skittered beneath her. "I don't want to, understand? I don't want to! The thought of a bloody parasite being implanted in me is sickening. I feel nauseous when I think the parasite will grow inside me, that--"
She broke off, seeing the faces of the elf-women.
So yes, she is distraught that her bodily autonomy is being taken from her yet again. But perhaps the most upsetting part is the idea that she could be pregnant. It physically repulses her.
Now. Let's put this in context.
In this psuedo-medieval-esque setting with royal families, being used as a brood mare is COMMON and ACCEPTED. IN FACT, Calanthe, Ciri's OWN GRANDMOTHER was marrying her off against her will, betrothing her as a child. No one thought this was weird. It's your duty, right? No big deal. Even Geralt, when he first met Ciri, thought it would be a better life for her. Sure, it's against her will. But it's physically safe and luxurious. And he leaves her behind in Brokilon.
But at some point, Geralt puts two and two together. He connects his trauma with hers. He makes a decision that even if almost no one around him in his culture or on the continent, sees the importance of her bodily autonomy or agrees with him, he's protecting her. Not just against death, but against anyone taking her choice from her. When he is having a mental breakdown in Brokilon, worried about her, he tells Dandelion that he is trying to protect her from what happened to him. He doesn't say, she can't die. Or I can't let her be killed. He says she cannot be alone. She cannot go through what I went through. Here, I"ll let him say it: (Time of Contempt, p240)
"Listen to what?" shouted the Witcher, before his voice suddenly faltered. "I can't leave---I can't just leave her to her fate. She's completely alone...She cannot be left alone, Dandelion. You'll never understand that. No one will ever understand that, but I know. If she remains alone, the same thing will happen to her as once happened to me...You'll never understand that..."
"I do understand. Which is why I'm coming with you."
Honestly, I tear up thinking about it.
And Yen, well, she has a similar arc.
Yen has been abused and used as a tool, and along the way she has accepted that this is the way things are. Yen has even done the same to others. But she looked into that little face, those wide green eyes, and at some point she also connected the dots. There's another way of doing things, and maybe it is possible for a little girl to choose for herself. And even if it isn't possible, maybe the important thing is to fight for it. Maybe Yen can give her whole life to let a child just be a child.
Yen goes through torture and imprisonment for Ciri. She shoots lightning at a god, she shouts at a goddess, she drops through a portal into the sea, she gives up every last shred of political power she has spend ninety years accruing, she WILLINGLY tries to give her own life MULTIPLES TIMES, to save Ciri.
And from what? Death? Not always. At the heart of all this sacrifice is that Yen has made a decision that Ciri gets be a human who is given the dignity and respect of deciding what to do with her own body. To be a kid, not a tool. To be a person. To be free.
So Ciri gets to say, actually, for me, the idea of pregnancy is terrifying and repulsive and therefore, I don't want to do it.
In the end, Geralt, a person whose body was tortured and experimented on before he was too young to consent, and Yen, a woman who was abused and used, and BOTH of whom had their reproductive rights taken from them, decide to love Ciri and protect her bodily autonomy at any and all costs.
That is what drives the story. It drives the narrative. It drives both Geralt and Yen's character arcs. It is, in fact, the entire point.
So it should not be a surprise that abortion, and the right to have an abortion if necessary, is an inextricable part of The Witcher world. No, you cannot analyze these books and find 'perfect politics'. They are not politically correct. And there are many parts I can critique. I mean, we can critique anything. (and I do)
But I find it endlessly interesting that people who are conservative or right wing think that this property 'belongs' to them, and they want to push everyone else out, when all they have to do is pay the most minimal amount of attention and have really only two (2) brain cells to rub together, to see that they are indeed, incorrect.
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asfateentertwines · 1 year
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The Surprise
Okay so trans pregnancy Spider won my poll - thank you to the one person who told me who should carry lmfao - but it was a close tie. Consider this canon to the little universe but I think I'll try to write the incubator baby headcanons too cause it was really frickin close lmao
TW: Trans pregnancy, mentions of sex, medical stuff
So Ningni was not planned to say the least
Penetrative sex for Spider and Rotxo is...a process to say the least
Rotxo is double Spider's size and lets just say biology is proportionate. Hence, the build up is nothing to rush through and with three kids, it's a luxury they don't get often
Plus, with their differing biology, they never really paid mind to reproduction between them
Sure it was theoretically possible but they didn't linger on it all so much
Rotxo may have thought about a baby of their own biology but it was too much a health risk and he was never sure how Spider would do. He didn't ask, wouldn't, but...maybe he dreamed sometimes
That said...maybe protection wasn't always at the forefront of their minds
Spider finds out he's pregnant after Kiri starts getting an odd sense around him, she eventually visits the ancestors for advice and is informed their brother needs to see a Tsahik immediately
They bring Spider to Tsireya first, not wanting to alert anyone with how precarious the situation might be, and she is the one who affirms Kiri's information
It scares the shit out of him
Tsireya and Kiri keep the information quiet but they won't for long - namely for his own health
Abortion isn't really a thing in Na'vi culture - mating is for life, something that means even unplanned pregnancy or teenage mishaps are between a mated pair. Medical intervention occurs but an unwanted pregnancy is nearly unheard of
Children are a blessing from Ewya - while unplanned or untimely pregnancies may happen, it's not often and it's not like it is on earth. One doesn't have to leave everything behind to be a parent.
Still - come hell or high water, no one will take the choice from Spider
Tsireya takes Anea and the boys that night, Spider pulling Rotxo into the water for a late night ride to tell him
Honestly, Rotxo didn't predict shit, homie got blindsided
Spider cries, a mixture of terrified, hopeful, and sick all coiling in his throat, and tells Rotxo that they might have messed up
He tells him of Kiri's odd feelings, how a woman Kiri didn't know told her that he was blessed, that the next generation is growing, and how Tsireya confirmed he was with child.
Rotxo is thrilled but guiltily so, terrified for what it could mean for Spider and for their family.
It's a long talk about whether or not they have a choice here - Spider hasn't even told Norm or been formally checked out - but they opt that, if it can be done safely, Spider will carry the pregnancy to term
It's not an easy decision - Spider wants the baby, at least, he thinks he does, but carrying the child to term could be a painful experience, dangerous to his body but also his mind. Growing up with intersex being the standard meant that pregnancy wasn't a female thing, but he's human, and he knows the difference
the dysphoria of the coming months will be harsh and he knows it'll bother the limited medical transitions he's been able to make
With Norms help, he's more androgynous than anything by human standards and he's been able to become comfortable in himself - pregnancy will send it reeling back
Then, there's the side of how painful and dangerous a pregnancy might become
He knows how different his body is and he knows that this won't be easy
But...Ewya blessed him
It's what he's wanted his whole life and he won't give it up now
Rotxo will be at his side and so he decides to do it
His pregnancy is the scientific question of the ages that Norm thought he discovered each time one of the Sully kids walked in his lab, but an organic Na'vi and human child is more than a little unexpected
The baby is studied closely, the growth an alarming thing when na'vi size is taken into consideration. Afterall, a newborn Neteyam was about the same size as a one year old Spider
Unfortunately for Spider, this means a good six months of bed rest
Fortunately for him, he has three very excited children
Anea tries to find out everything she can about his pregnancy. Given he has to spend it's duration in the hut, she spends most of her time with him where they can both breathe and she can help
She becomes his little helper - gathering supplies so they can prepare things for the baby, getting him food, books, and entertainment, and helping him get around as the pregnancy continues and movement gets difficult
Wialik patrols the hut, much to Rotxo's amusement, and tries to protect his uncle and sisters. From what, he couldn't say, but Rotxo finds it insanely amusing
Wialik also ends up collecting pieces to make beads, working with surprising patience to start their newest additions songcord with his family. He enlists Astayì, Kiri's oldest, and makes little figures like a child born in the Ash clans would receive. He claims it's to help his knife skills but they all know better
Vipeì writes stories and lullabies for the baby
He's little, only about 6, so Tsireya and Neteyam help him with learning songs and teach him stories to tell
He works with Rotxo too to make clothes, both for Spider and the baby
This being the first baby they had real time to prepare for, Rotxo goes a bit overboard in getting things together
He and Vipeì make Spider clothes to help conceal his chest and make new shawls that knit over his shoulders
They also make a frankly obscene amount of baby clothes and blankets, anything that a human-Na'vi child may need - a bed for the marui and one for the hut, clothes for any sort of temperature intolerance, and toys galore
By 6 months in, Spider is bedbound entirely. He's sick, drained, and craving things he can't even eat. His body is beyond heavy and he relies a lot on his family to help him - it's a lot of time spent with his brothers teasing, Tuk's mischief, Kiri's support, and even Neytiri and Jakes care.
Norm monitors him constantly in the last few months before it's decided that intervention is needed - he'll be in serious danger if they let him continue.
Ningni is born 8 months into Spiders pregnancy, something that was a risky decision on all sides. Quite simply, she was too big for him to carry much longer and her needs were difficult to predict when her species wasn't even something they could guarantee
She's a pale blue, appearing a few shades lighter than Rotxo (something her brothers claim comes from them) with tiny blonde curls. Her hair is starkly human, something Spider fears and Rotxo loves. She combines them in the face in a way they're both proud of, but her eyes are big and brown and neither of their own. Paz had to leave her mark somehow
Ningni is tiny for a Na'vi but frankly appallingly large for human standards
Spider is on bedrest for several months and then on limited action after, but Ningni is thankfully born able to breathe both human and Pandoran air
She's clearly blessed and accepted easier than her family thought she'd be (though most of the clan hopes she's the only of her kind)
Her lungs can breathe both her parents air, her body tolerates food of both cultures, she has the extra fingers of humans, the enhances sense of Na'vi, and the flexibility of humans. Her strength is a bit lesser than a true blooded Na'vi, but she's astonishingly well adapted
As she grows, she's sort of an oddball like her Auntie Kiri was
She's in tune with the world around her but rambunctious and mischievous like both her fathers
She's a bit of a jack of all trades - choosing to do everything and nothing all at once
She's the type of kid that need constant supervision and both Jake and Norm smugly say she is much alike Spider was as a child
Due to Spider being with her near constantly in her younger years, she's very close to him but Rotxo is - very proudly - her hero
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frociaggine · 1 year
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General ask:
Have we found plotholes or contradictions you've found the Locked Tomb series? Any that are like, "why didn't this character just do X since they had this power?" or "how could this character have known this information?" or anything of the sort?
I can't find any, but these books are so dense and other people are better at close reading. I've been so impressed with the way things roll out, the fact that rereads are so satisfying because you suddenly know why a character did/said something that seemed odd or just innocuous at the time. for THREE BOOKS and counting (dear jod I wish I was an outliner). It seems impossible there haven't been any contradictions.
OK. I thought about it Long and Hard and could only think of a couple. Well, one for sure, and a couple more that could be plot holes / worldbuilding issues, or could turn out to be planned all along in AtN.
Lyctoral privacy and Cytherea
This is the big one. Lyctors are “black boxes” to thanergy unless they are being touched by other Lyctors, and this is something that should have alerted the gang in GtN to Cytherea’s true nature, much like Ianthe and Harrow figured out Pro was dead all along.
Regular necromancers aren’t able to “perceive” the organisms of the people around them to the degree Lyctors do, but some of the Heirs at Canaan House are powerful enough that they SHOULD be able to sense in some way those around them, and figure out that “Dulcinea” was sus. Especially since Cytherea-as-Dulcie had a couple of moments of fainting dramatically and becoming increasingly sicker (one of the reasons why I think Cytherea had a lot of control over her cancer cells) and several necromancers used aptitude on her to check her health, including Palamedes. They shouldn’t have been able to. Assuming that “touching Lyctors allows you to interfere with their bodies” extends also to non-Lyctors, they should STILL have noticed something was off.
The fact that Palamedes was able to manipulate the cancer cells inside Cytherea’s body to turn it into a bomb is very unlikely, even assuming he was touching her the whole time (I can buy it if he distracted her with sex like in this fic). And the fact that Lyctor Harrow in Act 5 is able to visualise Cytherea’s body and “see” the cancerous mass goes against the canon established in HtN because they weren’t touching at the time.
The smaller ones!
Ninth House demographics: If anyone younger than Ortus died when Harrow was conceived, and Ortus was around 17/18 at the time, this would still leave plenty of young adults of reproductive age. There should be SOME children on the Ninth, even assuming that people were scared to have children for some times after, even assuming that some people moved away (the Houses aren’t aware that the Ninth is dying out so it can’t have been a mass exodus). I can excuse this as Gideon’s melodramatic narration saying that there are no other young people on the Ninth, because she’s 18 and a few dozen kids of ages 14 and under probably wouldn’t register to her, just because to all intents and purposes, she was raised completely alone with Harrow. But look. There should be some kids.
Who are the Cohort fighting? I talked about it a bit here; the population of the known universe just doesn’t seem big enough to sustain a continued war of aggression by the Houses (the implications in GtN/HtN) because what we see of the Empire in NtN seems to be a colonial power who are firmly established in most of their “sheperedered planets” and only have to contend with insurgence movements, not an enemy army. BUT the Cohort seem to constantly be fighting and dying. I'm very curious to find out if we'll discover more.
(There are a couple more things that will leave me ???? if they aren't cleared up in AtN, but they're even more minor)
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imaginebetterfutures · 4 months
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I am officially a cited expert on the history of vaginal anatomy studies! Look mom! I did it!
Okay so here's the story. Way back in ye olde 2014 I was commissioned by The Sweethome (now Wirecutter) to review tampons. As part of my research for that review, I stumbled across some really fascinating old research on vaginal shapes. I wrote about that research for a group blog I used to be a part of, and about the weird little obsession I developed with some long lost research.
All I could really dig up was a set of studies done in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s by a woman named Paula Pendergrass. Pendergrass published a handful of studies about the shape of the vagina, which she measured by doing plaster casts of willing women. And what she described in her work was actually a set of different vagina shapes: the conical, the parallel sides, the heart, the pumpkin seed, and the least fortunately named slug.
But the thing that surprised me most was that after this one small set of studies by Pendergrass, that's it. There was nothing more. And it's not like Pendergrass had answered the question definitively, her work is full of ideas for how to better measure these shapes, and suggestions to collect more data. Why wasn't there anything else here? Why hadn't she continued this work? Why hadn't anybody asked more questions? I needed to know! So I managed to track her down and cold call her house in Arkansas (because journalists like me have no shame) to ask her why she stopped measuring vagina shapes.
Here's what I learned:
There’s no market for this data. Companies that manufacture vaginal products are looking only to confirm that things like tampons fit inside. They don’t care much about the specifics beyond that. But the big reason she highlighted was the one that made me both sad and angry. When she was doing the work, people were grossed out by it. “It’s off-putting to a lot of people, and I’ve had trouble with it since I started,” she said. “People who were embarrassed I was doing this, They said I was a a dirty old woman doing this.” A dirty old woman. For wanting to know the shape and size of the human vagina.
I wanted to chase this story further, but I could never sell it. In part because it's unclear if it matters clinically what the shape of someone's vaginal canal is. And yet... it's just so... INTERESTING!
But I let it go, after that blog post. (Well, that's not entirely true, I actually ordered a dental casting kit and had plans to cast my own vaginal canal using her study's instructions. But I never got around to it.)
FLASH FORWARD TO TODAY. And I get an email from a friend named Perrin Ireland who is apparently helping someone with a book about vaginas. Did I know that my blog was cited in a scientific journal, she asked? No! I DID NOT!!!
But here it is! Gender Bias in the Study of Genital Evolution: Females Continue to Receive Less Attention than Males, Integrative and Comparative Biology, Volume 62, Issue 3, September 2022, Pages 533–541. The author, Dara Orbach, writes:
When Pendergrass et al. (1996) demonstrated that human females have differently shaped vaginas, their findings were “offputting”, Pendergrass reported being called “a dirty old woman”, and gynecologists did not recognize the value of the research (Evelith, 2016). While a national research center exists in theUnited States ofAmerica for most major organ systems (e.g., National Eye Institute), female reproductive anatomy is categorized under the umbrella of the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. The research environment and social taboos have historically and still continue to hinder scientific inquiry in the field of female genital evolution.
Is my name spelled incorrectly? Yes! Do I care? No!
But truly it's nice to know that even though I couldn't chase this story and really report it out fully, it seems to have made some dent on at least one person who is asking questions about why we don't know more about the internal anatomy of people with vaginas.
If you like this, you'll also enjoy reading the one about how I spent weeks trying to build a replica vaginal canal in my kitchen to test menstrual cups on.
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astral-mariner · 2 months
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My question is a bit weird but do you think that Vegeta knows about menstrual cycle , reproductive health,..stuff like that ?
( I just got my period and this thought just randomly popped out of my mind .)
I have literally thought about this before! Short answer: I think he does in a limited capacity.
I think that, while it's true he was never around any saiyans who menstruated as an adolescent or adult, he's not the sort to remain willfully ignorant about the biology of his own species. (I mean, he probably has to be aware of all different kinds of creatures' biology to know how to kill them, honestly.) Yes, he's really uncomfortable around anything to do with sex and reproduction. How could he NOT be, given that he's painfully aware he's the last of his kind, the only survivors not reproductively compatible with each other? But it's also precisely because of this fact that he'd eventually have to face and understand why this was the case.
There's no way he wouldn't be curious even if he tried to repress it. What other types of saiyans could be like. How their bodies worked. Particularly forbidden and mysterious because all of them were gone. (Something being impossible definitely tempts a fixation if it doesn't create one.) He probably asked in extremely indirect ways looking for answers (he would NEVER address it outright). Nappa and Raditz may have volunteered information or let little details slip. And...as dark as it is, I can imagine Freeza "educating" him about what he's lost. Little reminders or remarks here and there rubbing in Vegeta's face how he's the last of his bloodline.
All of that said, I don't think that saiyans menstruate in the exact same way humans do. For one, their planet and its moon certainly don't follow the same calendar as Earth. So their menstrual cycles may or may not line up with lunar cycles the way human ones do (roughly). Their biology probably adapted to their planet and their warrior lifestyle. I can imagine that a saiyan who trains very harshly or is in brutal wartime conditions might not menstruate at all (just like very athletic humans or humans under stressful conditions can stop menstruating).
On the other hand, though, I can also imagine that, like humans, saiyans generally have to be fertile pretty frequently in order to maintain their population due to the high death rate. There are several ways this can be the case. They can have a longer fertile window in their cycle. Ovulation itself could be responsive to certain kinds of sexual activity/fluid contact as it is with some animals on Earth. Or saiyans could have more control over when they are fertile than humans do, say, via intentional increased food intake that signals to their body that they are in safe enough conditions to risk a pregnancy. While I know it's popular in fanon, I don't think seasonal "heats" are very conducive to population maintenance---again, due to the selection pressure towards frequent fertile windows. A longer, less frequent window results in less fertile time overall, fewer opportunities.
So now with that considered, what does Vegeta know when he arrives on Earth? He probably knows that some saiyans menstruated sometimes. He knows what menstruation is and why it happens. He's aware of the dimorphic variations in saiyan bodies even if he avoided any kind of conversation or media that goes beyond perfunctory, practical details. It's a source of pain and loss for him even if he's not emotionally intuitive enough to understand that. He knows why he can't have children with any of his comrades and the mechanism behind it.
But at the same time, he's not necessarily going to assume that human bodies work exactly the same way as saiyan bodies. He's traveled all over the galaxy and seen lots of different species variations. Some of them humanoid (saiyanoid?) just like Earthlings are (I have a ton of headcanons about this). And their bodies are all a bit different from his even when they are similar.
So, say, if Bulma tells him that she's menstruating, he's not going to be shocked by it. He's not going to be totally lost. But he also probably isn't going to anticipate some of the little details about human menstruation. He's not going to know how long it lasts, for example. (Like, saiyans may have shed the uterine lining in a much quicker fashion when they did menstruate for practical reasons... So I can see him being a little surprised when human menstruation happens more gradually over a longer period.) He's not going to know how frequently it happens until he observes it or is told. He's not going to anticipate how painful and unpleasant the experience can be for an Earthling. He's not going to know any of the social cues around it. It probably wouldn't occur to him that many humans don't like having sex or engaging in certain sex acts while menstruating. He barely knows the social narratives around his own species menstruating, nevermind those of humans.
More generally, I'd conclude that Vegeta knows the basics of sexual health and reproduction. He knows how reproduction occurs for his species. He has a drive for sex and eventually figures out that those cravings and bodily responses are related to reproduction even if he avoids it as much as he can. (Though I can imagine the way he finds out that those responses are sexual might be less than ideal. His situation is fucked up in so many ways.) He'd have to face all of it eventually. He wouldn't remain in the dark about why he was the last of his kind whether because of his own need to understand and/or because it was being rubbed in his face constantly.
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rxttenfish · 2 months
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Vampire hater? I that vampires were objectively perfect metaphors for predators?
I've always thought there was a lot of fun stuff they can be used for. Can your tirade be today?
lol. lmfao. i think vampires remain god awful metaphors for predators the second you know anything about predation or how it happens in nature.
okay lets start with the parasite bit because thats easier for me. parasitism is also a little bit of a... non-definition too, and technically is just another form of predation too (much like how we should probably define herbivores as predators too because plants are alive and just as alive as animals and the actual mechanics of herbivory is better understood that way but Oh Well i cant even get people to understand that reptiles are alive so plants are a no-go), so all im really talking about is disputing a certain idea of how they behave as predators. for the purposes of this, lets define parasitism as a form of predation that consumes prey in units of less than one.
for one, in a significant chunk of media, a vampire preying on a human usually kills that human. im assuming for this that the amount of blood they need is just equivalent to one human, rather than getting into the supernatural weeds of why this kills the human. you could also just assume the vampire is incompetent and dispatches the prey due to not know how to feed on blood and NOT, but thats bad for the species if all vampires do that.
this is BAD for a parasite. parasites do not actually want to kill their hosts. why would they? for most parasites, the host is not only their source of food but their HOUSE, their source of everything in the world. sure, never leaving the host makes reproduction a complicated mess, but thats the price you pay for getting literally everything handed to you on a silver platter. a parasite is not designed to leave the host, or not for long, and usually makes use of intermediate hosts to do so anyways, minimizing non-host time. did you know most parasites dont actually have any adaptations to manage their body temperature? because if they live inside a host body, then they can just use the hosts body temperature in the first place, nice and perfect for them.
high parasite loads in single hosts are not actually good for the parasite, anyways. anything that effects host health isnt good for the parasite, actually, because they run on such a fine line of "host is healthy and happy = even better food and house for me!" and "host cannot be TOO healthy and happy, because then their immune system has an even better chance to kick me out and kill me (at the same time ofc)"
vampires that just... kill their host upon first contact with said host are not being very good parasites. theyre bad parasites actually. why are you burning your own fields. the blood comes BACK.
but this is when you say, ah! but what if theyre like mosquitos and vampire bats and other forms of parasites that dont live inside their hosts body!
one, you still have the issue of STOP KILLING YOUR DAMN HOSTS. stop removing food sources for yourself in the future!!! but also, theres a reason vampire bats are so fucking weird for deciding to become obligate sangivores as tetrapods, and its because blood is a pretty shitty source of nutrition. its high in certain things, sure, but also it is crucially missing several different things necessary for life to Function, and this is a pretty extreme way to live if you cant just find ways around that. ie: is a vertebrate.
lack of detection is also the name of the game here. you do not want your prey to even notice that you are there, you do not want them to dislodge you, you want to get in and get out. why are you being the exact same fucking size as your prey. thats how you get immediately noticed. and you LOOK like how your prey looks???? in a social animal???? good job getting marked as 1. OUTSIDER TO INSIDE GROUP and 2. POTENTIAL THREAT. theres so much back and forth, pros and cons, competition and collaboration, in social species, that you shouldnt get wrapped up in that if you can help it (which you shouldnt, because you are trying to eat these people, not have your own feeding attempt thwarted because they pulled you into their social dramas and now you cant get close enough to any of them without getting noticed or possibly attacked anyways)
honestly the size thing is one of the big things for me. it makes no sense. theres a reason predators as a rule are smaller than the prey that they hunt, and thats because the 10% rule of tropic levels still applies here. you are operating at an energy deficit. the energy it takes to capture and kill and feed and digest (because you have to have energy to even begin eating something!! even if you dont catch it yourself!! digestion consumes energy!!!) something the size of a human will NOT be made up for by the energy you get from that human if you are ALSO the same size as a human. you are so much more likely to get caught and found out (and no i do not care how op your vampires are, getting outnumbered is far more powerful in real life than it has ever been in fiction because fiction solely runs on "rule of cool" and it kills me when people then try to apply it to real life) (see also: STOP KILLING YOUR SOURCE OF FOOD YOU IDIOTS) (YOU DO NOT GO INTO THE FIELD AND START KILLING ALL OF YOUR HERD OF COWS BECAUSE ONE BULL GORED SOMEONE) (YOU HAVE TO EAT TOO) and to have your feeding attempt botched if you are the size of a human. theres a reason all the sangivores we have are all fractions of a size of the animals that they feed on, AND this is already counting sangivores who eat OTHER stuff too (a lot of blood-feeding insects will also be important pollinators who eat nectar!! vampire bats are weird by only eating blood!!!)
theres also the issue of timing. vampires ALWAYS eat way more often than they should. like, okay, blood is garbage food and it has no fat meaning no extra stores of energy to prevent immediate starvation if you miss one feeding. but these are also animals that are taking a little bit of blood from an animal far larger than them who will not miss that amount of blood taken. they can afford to double-dip, because they arent killing their prey. sure, they can kill their prey in massive swarms, but not only does this primarily effect the young/small/weak and less so for the adults (a fair enough price to pay, babies are cheap and animals always seem to have a higher mortality in their early life than adulthood), but also this is a pretty rare situation to begin with and the bust/boom suggested would be beneficial enough alone to make up for the cost of these losses.
but no. vampires are killing their prey, they have to take a large amount of blood at once (one whole human the same size as them), and they only specialize into ONE TYPE OF PREY. yes, i know theres recent talk of vampires who eat animals, but no. im going pop vampire, the vampire that most people will first think of when thinking of a vampire, basic as shit.
humans are bad prey, okay? this is what all these stories dont understand. humans are really, really bad prey. first of all, we are apex predators to begin with (do not come at me and argue with me about this, an apex predator is literally just one of the largest predators in its ecosystem, can (not necessarily will) eat nearly any other type of animal in said ecosystem, and is rarely predated upon as adults. lions and bears and tigers and sharks are all regularly eaten by other animals when they are cubs. like i said. infant mortality is universally pretty high), so thats a bad call. even in cases of maneaters that exist, theyre nearly all animals that have had their natural form of living interrupted in some way. habitation is the least damaging option (aka why you need to STOP FEEDING THE WILDLIFE), but also if the animal is injured, or sick, or very old, or nursing cubs. aka, all the cases where we would expect an animal to start taking on riskier prey that cannot pan out. the lions of tsavo could not eat their regular prey due to injury and already were feeding off of bodies left behind by the human atrocities of the railroad being constructed. humans both remember and hold grudges. this is a bad strategy, and vampires have made the fatal mistake of absolutely needing to be in absolutely tiny populations just to make the numbers work and also being large enough to actively target. you cannot squish every mosquito, but one vampire already requires such a massive population to support them that you can easily drive them to localized extinction by just killing one.
which is another thing. if you are killing a human every time you eat, and you are eating often, then the humans are not replacing themselves. humans take at least 9 months to make another human, and even that is basically useless without a good decade and a half more of just waiting for them to grow up and get to a decent size which might then be useful for you. if you target the infants to begin with, then thats way less blood, not going to be enough, and youre going to make multiple kills in one night just to make up for that absence, and then some because you need even MORE to make up for the extra energy you just spent obtaining all of said infants. not to mention the time lag itll take for the same humans to make more humans to replace those, AND humans have a limited reproductive window to begin with. this is very bad if you have to eat more than once a week. hell, this is bad if youre even doing the regular predator thing of eating a single large prey maybe once a month (and they supplement their diet with other, smaller prey items to make up for the energy deficit). do you know how long it takes a wildebeest or a zebra to go from calf to reproductive adult? its not 18 years, okay.
and again i just sit here and fume thinking about every excuse made that vampires are using mimicry to look like humans to get close to them. first of all, thats not how most aggressive mimicry works. most aggressive mimicry is looking like something appetizing to your prey item, something it wants to get close to, or something it wouldnt even notice at all. usually if youre looking like a specific animal, its not actually FOR that animal, and aggressive mimicry to begin with is rarer than you think. the only example i can think of is the (small!!!!) fraction of ant-mimicking jumping spiders that do prey on ants, but not only is this rare due to how scary ants themselves are, but it cannot really be just copy + pasted onto humans, who have an entirely different reproductive setup and no queens that churn out hundreds of offspring a day (more than any spider could eat in the one single community of ants) and are mammalian megafauna that have extremely high energetic needs and physical effort required just to kill a single one of those bastards, let alone repeatedly doing it more than once, AND being obligated to navigate space in the same way that they do.
all of this is nonsensical because i am very sick right now so you know. unpolished vampire rant.
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I feel stuck in my head and I need to ask someone: what's gonna happen to us when biden's reelected? What can we do to stop the genocide? What can we do to get roe v wade back? How to we make things okay?
Answering the last question first — how do we make things okay? We get informed, and we get involved.
If you want to change how things work, first you have to understand why they work the way they do. I’m not saying you have to become an overnight expert, but you gotta know the basics. You have to know who *really* makes the decisions about the stuff you care about. And I’m not being snarky here, but there’s a very very very good chance that that person is not Biden.
(long-ish more in depth USA-specific thoughts under the cut)
Let’s look at the two specifics that you mention. Yes, the president may be commander in chief of the armed forces but that “just” (air quotes bc obviously that is hugely consequential power, but it’s not the only power at play) means he’s the guy who says yes or no, stay or go. A more effective tool to address the United State’s relationship to Israel? Money. You know who controls the federal money? Congress. You know which political body has elections twice as frequently as the president? Congress. Look into who your Senators and Representatives are, look into their voting records, look into their hiring choices, look into their public statements and appearances, look into the company the keep.
If you like what you find, let them know, and if you have the resources, donate money and/or volunteer your time to make sure they win reelection. If you do not like what you find, and you think they might be responsive to public pressure, let them know you didn’t like what you found. If you found it abhorrent or do not trust that they will adjust to their constituents expectations, figure out if they have a competitor, and if they don’t, make sure that someone steps up to the plate. That someone doesn’t have to be you, but while we live in an ostensible democracy, these people can lose their jobs if and when we vote them out.
Regarding Roe v Wade, this might be upsetting to hear but you need to get used to the idea that it’s not coming back, and if anything, things might get worse. If voting and the legal system is your jam, I can recommend researching the circuit and district judges that preside over your region. If organizing and direct action are more your thing, there’s probably a Nurse’s Union in your area that can point you in the right direction. If your school district has an elected body where you can run for a seat to make sure that kids in your area are getting appropriately scientific sexual health education, do that. If you feel brave enough to start actively having conversations about sexual health and reproductive rights among your daily/weekly social groups, and maybe even start a book club style study group to learn about the legal and medical aspects most relevant where you live, do that. Even on the most individual scale, if you can make it clearly known that you are a safe person for people to talk to about this stuff, that’s a great step in the right direction.
To wrap this up, I think I’ll just say that I think big picture, if Biden wins a second term, things will be fine. If anything, maybe his administration will be able to bolster the environmental wins in the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) but at a basic level he will probably maintain the status quo and then after the four years are up, he’ll leave office.
Let’s please not pretend the same can be said about Trump.
But in the spirit of ending on a more hopeful note, if you do not want Kamala Harris to be the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party in 2028 (and/or if you want a third party other than the Democrats and the Republicans to stand a snowball’s chance in hell) the time to start organizing is now. We deserve better than the status quo, we can do this, let’s fuckin go 💪
mod dyr
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aalt-ctrl-del · 2 years
Text
it is very concerning how that the general public forgets that the argument on "abortion" and "reproductive rights" isn't isolated to the topic of "baby in the womb doing stuff".
The whole encompassing topic of body autonomy doesn't start or end at "womb" or "fetus". Those are the buzzwords that republicans love to throw around to simplify the morbid truth of this weird control train. It's what republicans prop up like a cardboard placeholder for the submerged iceberg of everything that they want to control on the topic of body and reproduction autonomy.
And this goes for men too. I know my boys like to pretend that they republicans have no interest in the peepee gun. But the republicans also think condoms and male birth control are the devils work, because dem bois are still killing babies. So when they get done with the ladies, they'll be looking at us all.
Which ties to my next point, aside from birth control measures being removed because it 'kills babies'. The whole topic is a mess because republicans idea of saving babies is for women to get married ASAP and start having babies. Messy. Topic. Bat. Shit. Insanity.
What is more batshit insane than gutting production of birth control and contraceptives, is the general focus on anything to do with the uterus or the ovarian things. Because this is the massive, whole encompassing issue here. In red states, it is difficult if not impossible to get sterilization surgery, regardless the reason. Women and people with uteruses struggle to get healthcare in red states, when their biology connected to the uterus fucks up. Even if the procedure is something that will benefit their quality of life, such as the case of Menorrhagia, Endocrine, Ovarian cysts, and various other illnesses that incapacitate or cause general disruption in health in those with a uterus. Some chemical birth controls help with managing these disorders, but sometimes that isn't enough. Some people go for a hysterectomy, but that all depends. But all of this medical hippa and body autonomy is infringed upon by republicans and red states, under the guise of "Saving babies".
These republicans put the quality and safety of a damn organ, above the person mental and physical health. It's bizarre. It's sick. People with uteruses lose full jurisdiction to their body, because by religious and state ordinance, the body is not their own property. Not fully. The uteruses may not be full of oil, but the republicans sure as hell want to stake a claim in it.
The topic is not a clear cut of black and white, regardless how simple the republican smooth brain schemes tries to posture it. It's dehumanizing and frankly, dystopian. Topics of health and wellness should be governed by no more than two people - the doctor, and the person seeking medical assistance for their body. Governors, Supreme Court, House Representatives - none of those people in those districts have a place in body autonomy regarding a singular organ. They HR, SC, Congress, whoever - they can have discussions of healthcare and affordability and the insurance coverage (which is a fuking nightmare). But when it comes to procedures that people seek to amend personal health issues, they cannot be governed by anyone not privvy to that information.
But that's just a reminder to anyone who thinks "abortion has nothing to do with me because I cannot get preggos". You miss the point it wasn't about babies or pregnancy or protecting/saving anyone. It was about controlling body health and emotional welfare.
You go to the doctors one day because you have heavy bleeding, and you get the results back from tests letting you know "there's a large tumor on your fallopian tube and it needs to be removed." It's not a simple case of scheduling the procedure, even if you have the assets to get this done and insurance that can cover it. Because there's suddenly the possibility you're actually involved in a nefarious plan to kill a baby, and everything about this procedure must be approved by your very red state, just to be sure you're not a heathen. Insurance might not even have jurisdiction to cover it, since this is happening in a red state.
But that's the gist of reproduction rights and body autonomy. It's never been about babies or saving unborn children.
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Not original anon but I ran here first with a submission to the questionary:
Eye color: hazel, but if I only wear green clothing around you then my eyes will look green.
I choose the mad scientist method of reproduction b/c I have always wanted to create an abomination against god.
See #2
Children should be monitored 24/7.
I want to be a stay-at-home parent with a cook, maid, and Kurogiri butler so that I can focus all my attention on watching anime and spying on our child.
We should have one child together first so when we adopt undead Yoichi he will still be the younger brother.
I can cook Western food but willing to take classes on Japanese cooking.
Pshaw, forget endings. I'm too lazy to finish the first episode of anything.
Ties are for losers.
Demon King Superiority.
Nope, your love for your family is healthy and normal.
I will put butler Kurogiri in charge of looking after the children you graciously rescued from a life of mediocrity.
All Might: pitiful remnant of a bygone era, probably wears ties.
Spiky-haired people are kidnappers who must be kept away from the children with fatal force.
C you can never have too many bank vaults when their are spiky-heads roaming the neighborhood.
Hero Society gets a rating of -1000000 out of 10.
Both A and C bc creepy old men are hot.
D I will never raise a child who wants to be a hero unlike that Shimura spawn Inko.
C vaults are fun for children.
All of the above.
B disturb my sleep and die, you can rant about how much you hate All Might in the morning.
Hot.
C I wanna be your dark constort.
I'm so goth I make Wednesday Addams look like a preppie.
B as long as your income outweighs your life insurance policy.
I love your extreme mental health issues and even extremer brocon. Every time you call yourself a demon king, my heart goes pitter-patter. I want to listen to you talk about how much yu hate hate All Might for hours. I can make you worse.
Congratulations, just by filling out this questionnaire you have passed the first test. All for One looks for people who are unquestionably obedient, see red flags as positives, and jump through hoops for him.
Your answers were not completely perfect especially your lack of appreciation for trashing All Might as sexy pillow talk. Also you could have praised All for One for longer in #26. However, All for One was impressed by your brilliance in remembering that Yoichi must always be the younger child in the family. Overall you meet All for One's minimum standards but he is waiting to see if he gets any better offers than yours.
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themangledsans0508 · 10 months
Text
Witches vs Humans
Read on Ao3
Summary:
Amity has always been top of her class, not by a lack of effort. Constantly doing extra credit. Then her health class gave her the opportunity to hit three birds with one stone.
Get extra credit
Learn more about human biology
Hang out with her crush
Words: 1609, Oneshot
Warnings: None
Characters: Amity Blight, Luz Noceda
Ships: Lumity
Additional Tags: Human Biology, Witch Biology, girls doing extra credit, Gay Disaster Amity Blight, talk about biological sex, accurate to the best of my knowledge, Pre-Relationship
"At least you guys have a better health class than we do back home," Luz commented. 
"They don't teach you guys basic anatomy?" Amity asked with a raised eyebrow. Luz shook her head.
"They barely teach us about the reproductive system and gross stuff like that." She flipped to another page of her textbook. "Most of it is wrong anyways. Like, I only read fanfiction and I know it's wrong. The rest of our bodies haven't really been mentioned since fourth grade. And even then all it was about was how many bones are in our body and what our stomach, heart, and lungs do. We never really talked about any other organs or what our muscles do or anything. Here everything is so detailed." 
"So you don't know how your body works?" 
"No, I do know. Kind of, at least. Not everything but enough to know that the school is wrong." Amity looked at the papers she had set beside her.
"Well, for extra credit you can do a report on a being with a different anatomy than you. And if it's okay with you I'd like to do you. Not because I'm curious or anything just because it would be really unique," she said quickly.
"Only if I can do you," Luz bargained.
"Deal." Amity ran her finger under the words and read them out loud quietly to herself. "Species name, sex, external appearance, limbs, type of vertebrae, organs, manner of movement, diet, hot or cold-blooded, differences from my species, other notes, and space for a drawing."
"That's a lot of work for some extra credit," Luz observed.
"Eh, it's actually not much compared to what I had to do for history class one time," Amity replied. "Do you have a paper? I might have a spare."
"I have one actually. I was going to bribe King to let me do him." She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a paper identical to Amity's.
"Oh, if you want to do it on him it's okay-"
"No! No, it's okay. I'm pretty curious about witches too. So, where do you want to start? Do you want to draw me? I'll do a pose!" Amity shook her head rapidly, her cheeks a furious shade of red at the idea.
"No, no, no, no. I can do that later it's fine. I guess I'll just ask you some things. Like how are your eyes different than mine?"
"What do you mean?"
"You can see those glyphs. When you showed me that video of Eda casting a light spell, I didn't see anything. I can only see them when you draw them."
"As far as I know my eyes are exactly like yours. Maybe it's because I'm human and that's the only way I can do magic. Maybe the Boiling Isles can just sense that. But then how could I see it on my phone… I don't know actually. I'll go with no but don't quote me on that."
"It looks like most of our features are the same, at least on the outside. Besides our ears and hands," Amity stated.
"Wait, our hands? What's different? Give me your hand." Luz quickly grabbed Amity's hand and pulled it up to her face to look at it closely.
"M-my fingers are longer, along with my nails. It's true for all witches. It's for magic because we use our hands for it and our fingers are really the way we cast spells." Luz released her and scribbled something down. Amity held her hand to her chest and tried to keep herself composed.
"What about your ears? Why are they pointed?" Luz reached out to touch them before jerking her hand back when Amity jumped. "Sorry, I should've asked first.'
"It's fine," Amity decided after a few seconds.
"Fine that I didn't ask or fine that I touch?"
"Both." Luz carefully held the pointed tip of Amity's ear in between her fingers. Besides being pointed, it was exactly like hers, maybe a little softer. "I don't know why it's like that. Kind of a little weird I guess, but it could be so that it's possible to tell the difference between witches and humans. Or maybe it's because we're more sensitive to noise." Luz wrote a couple more things down.
"Can they move?" Amity nodded.
"Yeah, but I don't decide when. Some witches can make their ears move whenever they want, but for the rest of us, our ears only move to indicate our emotions or when we hear something. Can human ears move?"
"Yes and no." Luz made a triangle with her hands. "A few people can. Like, ten or twenty percent of humans. I can't. Also, they don't move like yours do. They just kind of wiggle a tiny bit. It's still pretty cool though, but your ears are cooler." Amity's cheeks turned slightly pink.
"Well, human ears are neat I guess," she mumbled.
"Oh, oh! Above your ears! Your hair! Before I forget I wanna ask you about witch hair! Can witch hair come in any colour? I've seen witches with human hair colours, but then I've seen witches with green hair, blue hair, pink hair, purple hair, I don't know if it's natural but if it is-"
"It's natural," Amity interrupted. "At least, for most witches it is. As far as I know, it can come in any colour." Luz pointed at her hair.
"Is your hair naturally brown, or green, or both, or was it brown and now it's green?" Amity ran her fingers through her hair self-consciously.
"It's brown. I dye it green because the rest of my family has green hair." She straightened her back. "Doesn't human hair come in any colour?"
"No. Human hair is naturally blonde, brown, black, red, or orangish. People dye their hair for fun. I've dyed mine before, I might still have an old picture I could show you sometime, but after my hair grew out and I cut it I decided I wanted to stick with brown for a bit."
"Is human hair the same as witch hair?"
"Probably. Wanna find out?" Amity reached her hand out, then pulled it back, then reached out again. "You can touch my hair, it's fine." Amity put her hand on the side of Luz's head. She kept it there for a few moments then took it back. She started scribbling something down and Luz shifted positions, folding her legs underneath herself and clasping her hands in her lap. "Could I touch your hair?"
"Huh? Oh, sure." She batted her hair lightly and giggled.
"I feel like a cat."
"You might be one."
"My sweatshirt agrees." She held her hand in place and ran her thumb over the surface of her hair. "Our hair is the same."
"As far as I can tell. Maybe you could use some of the things you learned in alchemy to make sure."
"I could, or I could check if the library has anything on witch versus human biology."
"That would kind of make everything we're doing now redundant." 
"More information doesn't make previous information redundant," Luz argued. "Okay, that's outward appearances done. This is going to be the hard part. Do you have different organs than me besides the magic thing on your heart?" Amity looked at her for a few moments.
"I don't... exactly know what you have for organs?"
"Oh, right. Well, I can sketch something quickly. Here." She flipped over the paper and drew an outline of a person. "Our heart is here, sans magic sac. Then we have our stomach here, then our lungs up here…" she drew each small part of the body with Amity overlooking and sketching down some rough copies in her notes.
"If that is what your organs are like, then yeah I think so. Except we also have another set of veins. Not technically an organ but that's beside the point."
"Really? For what?" Luz asked.
"For magic, duh," she laughed. She looked at her paper one more time and paused. "I'm sorry for having to ask this, but what's your sex?"
"Biologically female. I guess I have to ask yours too?"
"Same." 
"Okay, obviously bipedal, mammal, wait are witches mammals?"
"Yes, and warm-blooded," Amity explained. 
"What's your diet? Like, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, something else?" 
"I don't really have a choice, I'm an omnivore. What about you?"
"I'm also an omnivore, although I have tried some other diets in the past."
"I think that's everything, I just need to draw a model. Hang on, do you know how to cast a layer spell?" Amity questioned. Luz shook her head. 
Amity drew a few overlapping circles that were different shades. She quickly cast a spell and two of the circles flew above the paper slightly, one going a little higher than the other. Luz leaned forward and looked in between the circles. She turned her head to change angles a few times before smiling widely and drawing out one of her circles. She drew three lines above one another and then a diagonal line over those. She pressed it and the ink on the paper layered itself as Amity's had. She gave Amity a quick hug.
"New spell! What gave you the idea?" She asked, keeping her hands on Amity's shoulders.
"Well, to draw the model you need a layer spell to do the organs, then bone structure, then a normal drawing," Amity explained.
"This opens up a whole new world for art. I gotta go home, I'll see you tomorrow, Amity!" Luz haphazardly gathered her papers and hurried away, leaving Amity alone with a warm feeling in her heart.
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r7iverett · 6 months
Text
vent rant
mAN why do i feel guilty
I had a really good day today, got shit done, yet I feel guilty over saying “please don’t call me best friend”. Just 6 simple words are making me feel guilty for, what, sticking up for myself? Saying I’m uncomfortable with being called that by someone I don’t really like??
Oh, yeah, and I hate two people whose names are similar to mine!! One’s a fucking homophobe AND transphobe, the other one I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. And they’re both Christians. Nothing bad about being Christian, but they’re the “get Jesus and repent” kind. Man, I don’t know if I have religious trauma or what but I actually despise religious talk. Makes me wanna cry. I was in elementary when I was first shamed for believing in no god. ELEMENTARY. I was younger. Less mature. Less understanding of the world. And yet a fucking adult shamed me for believing in what I wanted. A full grown adult.
And now I’m put into a school full of Christians. And I’m the probably only atheist here. There may be one more but I’m not sure. But I feel like the only one. Luckily, I know someone who respects people who are gay and is Christian and doesn’t pressure it onto me 24/7. Because I hate people like that. I hate the person sitting next to me in TSA because they believe that gayness and being trans is wrong.
I hate the people sitting at the table next to me in ela because they’re so stupid and so immature. I hate my classmates in gateway because they’re so stupid to the point where they don’t know what basic reproduction is. They’re so fucking stupid. I hate them so much. I hate them. I hate my health class because people don’t ever listen or do anything except one person, and the people to the right of where I sit, except for one person because she’s actually smart, just don’t care. They don’t care about others. I hate the person who sits a bit ahead of me in health because they think my anger is funny. I hate everyone and anyone who thinks my anger is genuinely amusing. I hate it when people say “I understand you” and yet they don’t.
I hate everyone who says that. I hate anyone who says basic, negative human emotions are funny. How would you feel??? How would you feel if you were angry and people were laughing at you? How would you feel if people were pressuring something on you that you don’t believe in? How would you feel, hm? How would you feel if you were so emotional to the point where you isolate yourself for hours on end without other people’s voices and touch while you have a breakdown? How would you feel? And be honest, people! How would you feel?
People don’t understand. They don’t understand my brain. How I function. Funny how the only person who’s super super close to me (aka my mom) doesn’t understand my feelings. And yet people who I don’t interact as much with, such as one of my friends who’s present online but also an irl friend, understands me more than anything. Funny how my online friends get me more than my parents. My mom doesn’t understand anything. She says she’s the same way and yet she’s not. She’s compared sitting and standing once, saying they’re the same thing. /srs
I think my mom’s dense because they are, in fact, nkt the same thing. And I hate when she says “would you do this in class?”, because, NO. I WOULD NOT. But I’m doing it here, because it’s a non-public space, and no one can see me but myself, my brother and you. And I hate my dad, too. I don’t like him. I love my parents, but I don’t like my dad too much. I hate him more than I love him. He doesn’t believe someone can go by they/them pronouns, and as someone who prefers it when people refer to me with they/them online and partially irl, it makes me want to sob. He makes me feel like I’m pressured to shave. He doesn’t let me have headphones or my tablet at the table because he wants to “have a family dinner / lunch”. I wish you weren’t my dad sometimes. Because I don’t like you.
I feel like I’m too emotional. I cry too easily. I get angry too easily. And it doesn’t make it easier that I pressure myself. I pressure myself to get stuff done sometimes. I hate this. I hate my brain. Why must I do this to myself. And the only way I can relieve this hatred and sadness is either keeping it to myself or talking to people online about it.
I hate this. And I’m starting to hate me.
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topazadine · 7 months
Text
Here talking again
I really don't know how anyone is coping right now except if they are totally, willfully ignorant. I think about almost nothing but Palestine all throughout the day and feel completely ashamed by any minor complaint I have.
I feel bad for every drink of water, even though that it doesn't impact Palestinian. I know the food I eat wouldn't be sent to Gaza, I feel guilty for even having it. Every time I go to the store I compare it to the images I have seen and feel genuinely disgusted that there is so much I could buy.
It's not fair. Not fair at all. It is a heavenly injustice that I, through no conscious effort of my own, was born in a time, place, and race that affords me opportunities, security, and freedom to do just about anything I want.
Every Palestinian, every Sudani, every Rohingya, everyone should have what I do. Even if it takes different forms (which it certainly will), they should all have the right to food and water, to secure housing, to self-expression, to education, to mental health access, to reproductive freedom.
This isn't a radical ideology, no matter what capitalist society will say. In fact, it is capitalism which has taken all those things away from our world as a whole and sold it back to us as a commodity, as a privilege, as something we have to claw back through constant political pressure and, at times, physical violence.
We weren't designed for a world like this. We weren't meant to be like this. We shouldn't have to watch another culture be massacred and scream as loud as we can and for it to make almost no difference, because we're controlled by monsters who don't listen to our pleas.
Genuinely, only three things are keeping me going right now.
The first is the images of my favorite Palestinian accounts sharing their brief moments of peace: meeting other peoples' pets, playing with children, interviewing other Palestinians to hear about their dreams once the massacre is over and they are free.
The second, much as I hate to admit it as a non-violent person, are videos from the resistance fighters. Seeing them repel the invading army through sheer grit and ingenuity is deeply inspiring. I wish they never had to take up arms, but they are doing this for their families, for their friends, for their community. They are doing it to keep their whole culture alive, and that is something very powerful.
Lastly, the third is seeing the enormous groundswell of consistent, continued pressure from people all around the world. I have never seen this much focused attention for such a sustained period in my lifetime, especially as protestors are striking back at the highest echelons of power. The intensity of the protests and direct action is almost unprecedented, especially as it is happening everywhere.
This is the Palestinians' fight, and we are only supporting them as best we can, but their struggle for freedom is going to have lasting reverberations for our entire global society. People are finally awake, connecting the dots, recognizing that we've been betrayed by our governments, fighting back against manufactured consent. It will impossible to put us all back to sleep again; when Palestine is free, we'll continue putting pressure on every corrupt system, standing up and developing a community until we can no longer be silenced.
There is going to be a chain reaction of other groups, both in the United States and abroad, using this momentum to get back their self-governance. We are ushering in an era of neofeudalism, where the locus of power is close to home and we aid other communities but don't interfere. Free communication and respect, mutual aid and solidarity, but a deep and abiding reverance for those who truly love their land.
As agonized as I am by the horrendous, heart-ripping tragedy, I also feel a renewed sense of purpose, a breathless optimism for the future, a surge of energy for a global revolution.
I want this to happen more than anything. I want all of us to be free. We can no longer accept hegemonic bludgeoning and a remorseless hoarding of power. We have never been more connected or more in step with one another everywhere, never been more invested in each others' struggle.
There are many dissenters, of course, who can't tolerate change and who want to cling to their racist, occluded worldviews. But we are stronger, and greater in numbers, and far more dedicated to our cause. Palestine will win. We will win. And this is what makes it possible not to lose myself in despair.
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