15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @sherlockig, thank u Alexz!!

Under the cut bc I got wordy and rambly as per usual lol.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Kind of? In that I more or less named myself after Izzy from our flag lol. Not that I'm going to tell everyone I meet that, but it is a big part of why I stuck with it after trying it out (that, and I've always wanted a name that had the letter zed in it, silly as that may seem.)

One of my middle names (that I had been using as a first name for a few years) is after my grandfather and aunt who also have that name as their middle name.

My deadname was after an actress famous in the 90s (tho tbh my mum apparently didn't choose it for that, she chose it bc she didn't find out my gender until I was Out and then was like 'aw fuck I don't have a name for this situation' and went with the first one she saw in a book of names a nurse gave her. It was only after that she remembered the actress when I was like. 4. that she changed and started telling ppl it was after that instead.)

And technically Holden is after the book character, but mum never actually read that book (and after I described it to her, said she has no interest in doing so lmao), she just liked how the name sounded and that was the one solitary name she for sure had on hand when I was born apparently. Could have saved us all time had she just used that one for me anyway!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Couple of nights ago. I'm doing better abt missing my cat Nisha, but my phone will toss up compilations of pics of her to mark the year/month/etc and sometimes those still get me. It popped up just before I went to bed that night and I was already so tired that I just. broke down. Bc I know she's v loved and looked after w/my mum, but I do miss her goofy lil self a lot. She was my first cat that was given to me and meant to be mine alone, and there's something abt that first pet bond I guess.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope, and it's not a likely thing for me. I've said before that that happening would be in a very specific situation, wherein I'm with someone who wants to dedicate the rest of our lives to raising a child, or god forbid more than one, tho I think I'd max out at two if I managed one at all tbh (and that's not even getting into the very complex for me thing of would I want to actually be pregnant ever (probably not, absolutely terrified of dying in childbirth and don't see myself getting over that easily), we have the funds to make that happen (and give the kid a good life, not just a decent one or 'could have been worse' like my own), and we feel stable mentally, emotionally, and physically (as much as one can outside of Life Happening of course) bc having a kid means putting allll of that first for them, ahead of yourself. Or at least I think it should mean that lol.

But that situation is incredibly unlikely considering my bigger goal in life is to wind up being a third for multiple couples while also fucking any of my friends who are down for it in a big poly ENM sort of thing for lack of better/more detailed definition (I know it sounds unrealistic and maybe it is to a degree, almost definitely is lol.)

I can admit I just. don't want to uproot the life I've been trying so hard to build for myself in so many ways, to have kids. I'll happily help babysit the kids of any friends tho and be the fun uncle that buys them junk food and lets them stay up late to watch movies. I think that's about the level of parenting of any kind that I can handle for now (also tbh I burned out on parenting bc my family admits they parentified the fuck outta me with my three younger cousins. It by far could have been worse, but I spent my teens spending most of my days after school helping look after them from the newborn years and on. Unless my above uber specific scenario happens, then I've probably had my fill of parenting for my lifetime.)

4. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I played volleyball for a few years in elementary school, and we were made to participate in a multi-school track and field thing for most of middle school every year, but I was never amazing at them. Housemate and I have figured out I likely have undiagnosed asthma tho (turns out running or going out in too cold or hot weather shouldn't instantly make you gasp, struggle to breathe, and make you taste iron in your mouth, who the fuck knew? Not me, genuinely) so I think that might have a lot to do with it.

I also enjoy tennis and badminton and would love to try rugby, but I've never played any of those beyond a hobby with family/friends.

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I do! Probably too much and not always in the best situations, but I've been working for years to hone when and where it should be used so I think/hope I'm a lot better with it than I was when I was younger. Tho even then, I did get adults who found it funny when I was sarcastic bc of how adult I seemed to a lot of them (their words, not mine lmao.)

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

I genuinely don't know. Usually I'm too busy running my script for meeting new ppl in my head and trying to maintain Common and Expected Etiquette to really notice much right away. I have found that after a bit of time/after the initial meeting has passed, I tend to notice colours ppl wear more often than others if I see them often enough, or hair colour. But I don't know if it counts towards this question at that point lol.

7. WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Kinda blueish grey? Some ppl say it's too grey to be blue, others that it's too blue to be grey. I had a lady at the ND DOT freak out abt not being sure if I should have blue or grey on my ID a few years back, and she finally just told me to put blue so 'she could stop feeling so confused.' Was a weird day and the first time I realised apparently they really do have a blend of both colours, enough for it to be upsetting lmao.

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I can't choose between the two; I like both! I also like mixing them together when I write (a scary story with a happy ending, an ending that seems happy but is actually terrifying, so on and so forth.)

9. ANY TALENTS?

Writing? Maybe, I always list it bc it's something I know how to do and to (usually) do decently well. I can sort of draw? But not well enough that I think 'talented' would be accurate to describe how I draw lol. I'm not sure of anything else off the top of my head tbh.

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

In California, USA! We were there bc dad was in basic training for the Marines and then just got stuck at Camp Pendleton for years lmao (or that's how he always talks abt it anyway lmao.) Only was actually there until either: a. I was 3 months old, b. I was 6 months old or c. I was actually basically still a fresh newborn. Depends on whether you're talking to my dad, mum, or grandparents as to which answer you get, and at this point I'm genuinely uncertain as to exactly when mum left and took me to North Dakota but 6 months seems the most potentially accurate lmaooo.

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, drawing, reading (not enough but I'm trying to remedy that), napping, watching movies/fave shows, and giffing.

12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Kind of? My cat Nisha had to stay in North Dakota after I moved, so my mum and her bf are looking after her now (and got her a little sister, a kitten who is getting so big already!, named Bella.) I help Housemate look after aer two cats as well, and I'd like to think the boys consider me like their fun uncle lol (aka I bend over backwards for them and let them steal my spot on the couch all the time, and will break out the treats if needed to corral them now and then. In my defense: they are the cutest lil baby boy cats and they deserve the world, even when they're being little gremlins lmao.)

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

Approximately somewhere between 5'3 and 5'4ish? I can't recall the last time I was actually measured, and most of the ppl I've been around were somewhere between those heights and I'm usually either slightly shorter or slightly taller than some of them, so??? I put 5'3 on my ID tho lol

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

English bc it was easy and I liked almost everything we did in that class. All my general and more specific history courses were a close second, and my foreign language classes a close third.

15. DREAM JOB?

Ideally, I'd love to not have to work. But who wouldn't, so that said, probably something in a library or museum. I'd love to be a library page again, or help work the front desk/docent duties of a museum. Working at someplace like Mystic Seaport would be amazing too; I'd be happy to learn how to help repair/repaint ships that come in or just help do tours or look after artifacts and stuff (tbh they could hire me just to type up any random data entry work they need done for any/all depts and I'd say yes to the job offer lol.) Unfortunately there's fairly significant roadblocks to me achieving any of these jobs rn, but I like to keep them in mind, just in case.

Also, if I can have one dream job that would be even more unlikely and is slightly TMI probably but: paid third for a rich couple. I show up, look nice, [redacted], make sure they're both good for the night, then go back home to Housemate (if it wouldn't be a night they'd want me to stay over, which I wouldn't be against but also. That would require some overtime pay lol.) The chances of this one are...so unlikely it's stupid funny, but a man's allowed to have dreams right lmao?

Tagging (if u guys wanna, no obligation if u don't wanna/have already been tagged/etc!!): @starmoonchildfromthebeamsabove, @freebooter4ever, @willowenigma, @turtleduck-tales, @mash1972, @mysteriouslybluepirate, @turtles-on-turts, @cononeillbreastingboobily, @treesofgreen, @dianetastesmetal, @arsenicflame, @gydima, @king-bussy, @p0ochy, @crvwly, and anyone else following me who wants to!

Booky, you’re such a sweet person. I know it’s probably hard for you to be a fan and see stuff that annoys you, but remember that it’s probably happening to other fans with celebs they like.

Those poor Henry Cavill fans - though I don’t even think his gf is that bad. Lol.

And as for the Jeff Conway person…

lol. First of all he’s very very cringe. I’ve rarely seen an interviewer editor be this thirsty to repost his own articles and also be so unbelievably tacky as a grown man. But hey.

That being said, he was the one who wrote the Forbes article for Chris and his jinx thing at the end of December, right?

He was also one of the writers who wrote a people article of them going public. Somebody should check back those archives because I’m almost positive Jeff started following fish the night before or around the time they went public.

He also interviewed Chris the day Chris said his long term partner was his dog 🤣 - I wonder if he told Chris that 😭 and gave him a very cringey shirt “my dog is my soulmate.” A grown ass man.. giving another grown ass man a shirt like that. And then repeatedly bragging about it on twitter. How is he not embarrassed by himself?? (Jeff)

My personal thought is he goes where he has an assignment. I sometimes have to write really cringe social posts for work but thankfully they’re not attached to my name. He was probably instructed to hype her up because tbh, I still believe they’re trying to make her happen.

Think about how the kardashians, TikTok influencers, and other random ass “Celebs” pop up and start being placed everywhere and nobody is asking for them and the comments are filled with hate. But do these outlets ever stop? Really think about it. Step back from the fishbowl and observe the other industry ppl who have basically been shoved into our faces without our desire. I think the media knows Fish is DOA but she’s here and unfortunately here to stay for awhile. I think people can and will continue to ignore her so that’ll be pretty funny to watch.

I’m also sure fish wasn’t rude to Jeff because I doubt she’s like openly a rude person. I’m not trying to defend her because I know people on here will feel how they feel about this girl, but she’s not going to be a brat to everyone just because people want to hate her. I do think it’s interesting that post had Jeff hyping her up and then just mentioning Chris was also there. As if he’s her plus one and not the other way around.

I feel like she’s getting way too much attention for being virtually nothing and a nobody. The general public simply does not care about her.

I think someone just posted up TMZ posting celebs at the parties and they posted Chris alone and cropped her out. If true, LOLLLLLL TMZ 😂

Just Jared has written at least 600 articles at this point and they’re still getting her name wrong.

By the way, in my line of work, we have to proofread our articles before submitting them to post. So does every single outlet just accidentally miss fish’s last name?????

I’m starting to feel like it’s intentional.

🥹 Thank you, Marketing An🫶n!

It must suck for everyone, but it's good to know that what I'm feeling is definitely not just me. Makes me feel less crazy. 🙂

Good Lord, Jeff seems to be overselling and overdoing it, a little. But, as you said, it's a thing that needs to be done.

And you've got a point about celebs we DIDN'T ask for, just popping up. And it causes quite a stir. Which is effective for their reasons.

No, they do not. Hell, she's simply known as Chris Evans' wife. No more, no less. Imagine that as your only title. It's sad.

I hope it's intentional, because that's too many typos, and almost (I'm assuming they did this at least once) zero edits... 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thanks for talking with me, Marketing An🫶n. It's really a highlight everytime you're here. So thank you ❤️ and it seriously means a whole lot. 🥰🥹

Until the next one...

hi em! i was gonna make this anonymous but ta heck w tht LOL okay so this is gonna b a long one js bc i wanna b as clear as possible for u but i jus wanna kno ur opinion on this n im sorry if this sounds redundant (given what ur whole acc is abt) but i saw this tiktok that was basically talking abt how ppl who read rp (real person) fanfics r weird , disgusting , and freaks (that one hurt ngl😭) and ig bc i never interacted w ppl who read them i had no idea this was such a controversial thing yk? so it kinda hurt and i got hella defensive bc these fics have helped me thru some hard times n r my safe space (esp ur acc i love it sm ur fics r quick n easy reads but so so good! and i love tht u write wholesome sfw fics i don’t like / can’t read nsfw rp fics) and r good when i need a quick romance fix bc i have none irl (tmi fr sorry!) but honestly it made me feel horrible abt myself bc im like damn am i sick freak for reading this even tho i read the sfw n wholesome ones?? n they were sayin the y/n , self inserts were even worse! 😭 n idk if this makes me ignorant but for the life of me i couldn’t figure out what made it weird! nsfw ones r different but regular romance or fantasy? esp since i never see this take when ppl mention they used to read one direction fanfics or mindless behavior & august alsina ones (these were popular among the black community for context!) like everyone laughs n reminisces i feel like ppl r a lot more critical n harsh on kpop stans tbh but i even thought abt deleting my tumblr bc i felt wrong for doing so it made me question myself for awhile just being honest anyways i’ll get off my soapbox im so sorry this is so long i jus wanted to give as much context and detail as possible! if this is too much please disregard but idk i just wanted an opinion on this take from a fix writer and i assume u read some too correct me if i’m wrong! thanks so incredibly much in advance and i hope we can b friends one day! 🧸🎀✨💌💕🫶🏽

this is so real of you omg ok first of all, thank you for going out of your comfort zone to do this! things like this make me so happy cuz you coming out of your way to do this (comfort wise and time wise since it must’ve taken you a while to write sm, esp considering the technical difficulties 😭) makes it all the more meaningful. and i rlly appreciate you coming to me of all ppl too! so thank you!

secondly, i agree with you on all the things you had to say !! i was once in your shoes, and if i’m being completely honest, a part of me is still navigating this as well. like some things i still question for example is if there is rlly nothing wrong with this, why do i feel the need to hide that i read/write? but for the most part, rn i am definitely set on there being absolutely nothing wrong with this! i can definitely see where these other ppl are coming from if they had never thought much of fanfiction or reader inserts etc. bc it’s probably similar to how i felt before being more exposed to fanfiction. but imo these are fantasies i just imagine in my head anyway and are almost like dreams to me yk? and so imo, they’re harmless. in fact, writing and reading ffs help grow my creativity, which is smth i value. cuz not only am i doing this for entertainment, i’m also doing it for the art (this is in terms of writing more so than reading but can still apply to both). however, similar to you, i do believe that imagines can be taken too far, as that is what aligns with my beliefs, such as nsfw fics (which is not anything personal at all to nsfw writers!). that imo can be harmful for the mind and spirit etc. (sorry if this is getting too deep and personal 😭)

ugh this is honestly so nice to talk about and have someone relate to on this cuz literally the things you are saying describe me !!! and dw, i have and never had any love life,, it’s non existent, believe it or not! so dw, you’re not alone 😭 like we can be delulu tgt 😭😭 and ahahaha yesss like i can’t tell you the amount of times i considered deleting this app or stopping writing/reading. it was challenging to process. but after doing so, i have come to the conclusions i mentioned earlier (how i think reading sfw fics are harmless). it’s literally just a form of harmless entertainment lol so i don’t see why ppl have to be so judgmental about it and can’t just mind their own business 😭 so dw, coming from a fellow reader and someone who has faced the same dilemma, you are not at all a freak 😭 and don’t let anyone let you think otherwise 😤☹️

also i can’t go without saying a huge thank you for all the kind things you had to say about my works :((( <3 that is so sweet of you to say and is so encouraging. it’s smth i’m finding i need a lot of, esp lately, so i rlly appreciate that and it means a lot. this whole ask and talking about this is rlly quite meaningful to me tbh 😭 so thank you for coming to me and being so brave to bring this up! 🫶🏻 also, yes let’s be friends omg !! i’d love that 🥹🫶🏻

hihii !! kurona and / or reo + 2, 5, 13, 30 for the character ask game ^^ ?

hehe thank u for the ask :3c i put it in readmore

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

kurona: it actually took awhile!! i didn't really pay attention on my first read thru (where i usually dont read it that closely) but then i saw fanart of him n was like... wait, he has a braid strand? (the asymmetrical long piece of hair) then i found out he was pink n saw planet hotline and... well here i am. so tldr somewhere around my second read

reo: i don't know why but it's after i drew this, he was just fun to draw and then after that i was like oh wait i kinda like reo now

5. My favorite ship of them

kurona: w isagi!!! my bllk otp forever, they make me so happy 🥹 which i do think is funny sometimes bc i rlly like ships where they hate each other (a lot of my oc pairs are like this) but these two are just soso cute agh, my planet, what the hell

reo: tbh i don't ship him much. nagi/reo is probably the go-to here but i will say it's only when they're divorced bc i like divorced ppl. altho i wouldnt say theyre my fav, its just the most prominent

i liked kunigami/reo for a bit tho

13. Your favorite friendship they have

kurona: raichi, they're shark combi 🥹🥹🥹 ofc they havent interacted much but hey we're all here to be delusional ey. ALSO the times they have interacted? hilarious

this one's even more delusional but i strongly believe in pink braids duo (w chigiri)

also also altho igaguri isn't rlly that present in my mind, i do think its cute that him n kurona are good friends of some kind seeing as they were in the same group n how in the latest chapter he was seen patting his back after he got subbed out

reo: sjdfhksd i forgot what this team is actually called but that trio team w kunigami & chigiri, he's so sad over his breakup and theyre just like no king it's ok we got u

w nagi & chigiris also kyoot

ok so basically the answer here is actually chigiri???

30. The funniest scene they had?

kurona: this isnt even entirely him and u probably wouldnt even find it that funny, but when kaiser goes 'be careful who you follow' and then a chapter later kurona goes 'i'm following you isagi'. funniest thing to me

also this

weeeee

reo: kunigami holding him up by the collar like a sad wet cat when chigiri got taken

I finished re4r awhile ago and it was FANTASTIC.

I feel they really did the original justice. I enjoyed the QOL improvements that were made. Having your knife being able to parry is awesome and very satisfying. It's quite the game changer! The fact that you can use it even against one hit kill bosses like dr. salvador is so neat! While I don't like stealth typically, it's a welcome addition since the game doesn't force it on you. Having the option to pick off a few enemies silently is nice although I feel doing this made little difference in terms of making taking down the rest of the enemies easier tbh. Being able to simply kick and elbow barrels and crates instead of painstakingly having to shoot or knife them is probably an afterthought for others but i highly appreciated this. Crafting ammo and grenades is new feature that saved my ass a few times so needless to say love it lol. And next up the biggest change in the game, you can move and shoot now! Lol. Something I never quite got use to however was the 180 degree turn. In old RE, it was down + x (on ps at least). Now it's down + R1, which feels very unnatural to me. I dealt with it but eh, not very comfortable with this change. Leon overall controls pretty well despite this. I love that you can change weapons on the fly now instead of always having to go into the attache case. I do kinda miss seeing Leon on the side in the attache case menu lol. The merchant returns! With a nice little bonus, side quests! They are completely optional but doing them can net you extra rewards. The shooting range is back and I LOVE that they used 'The Drive' song and remixed it! Especially the way it amps up during bonus time, ugh so good. The fucking nostalgia man. Going on to story and characters now. I love that Ashley feels like an actual character and more realistic this time around. Her redesign is rly cute too. Luis being more present and fleshed out was great too. I have to say I think I actually prefer how his death was handled in the remake. It felt more emotional and impactful. Ok so with Leon. First off, I admittedly am always nervous with how characters are going to look because I'm not always crazy with how capcom handles redesigns and characters' faces. But holy crap, LEON THO. Every version of Leon can get it but Re4 Leon is my fave Leon so needless to say when I saw him for the first time in that reveal trailer, Me = deceased. He looks so goddamn good. I thought I had it bad for him back then, nah. Now, I'm fucking embarrassingly OBSESSED with this man. I want to devour him. It was hard to not stop every two seconds when playing to admire his....assets lmaooo. I think some ppl didn't like that he seems more grounded this time around but I actually don't mind it at all. They found a nice middle ground where Leon is def more serious than before but he still throws out one liners here and there. So his corny side is still very much present but he doesn't seem as cocky as before. Ada looks great and is as mysterious as ever lol. Story beats were mostly the same, a few things tweaked of course but I was satisfied with how the narrative was handled. And omg, was so nice to see certain costumes and weapons plus easter eggs make a comeback! The freaking gangster suit, armor for Ashely, the chicago typewriter and the reload animation, him sitting down on the chair and posing fabulously, etc. I'm just so over the moon for this game. It's one of my favorite games of all time and I couldn't be happier with the end result. I remember hearing when this was getting a remake and being like but why? Re4 doesn't need a remake. But now having played it, it's so well done and I'm so glad Capcom didn't screw it up lol. It was a blast reliving this masterpiece all over again 🥲.

General update for here. Sorry I haven't been on in a long time. Been trying to get away from scrolling, but got sucked into Facebook scrolling cause the drama video excerpts get me. X'D I am jobless. Have been for awhile. I had a really good job for a few months, but it was a contract one. I got a job for four days before they let me go for "no specific reason" i.e. I am close to being diagnosed with lupus, had to sit down for 5 minutes because I was in a huge amount of pain, ADHD, and hated the fact that nothing in a restaurant was consistent. I started therapy for awhile, but new conditions for my insurance fucked me over with my depression/anxiety and so lost that. I have been on meds and will be for another two months at least before I run out. They have been amazing at helping me control my moods. I am still living with my parents and still hate it. Not as much as I used to, but I'm dealing and still want out. My grandparents now also live on the property. My white privileged boomer trump supporting grandparents by the way. They're not bad so long as you don't mention stuff. They know I'm queer, but just ignore it so could be worse. My brother has been useless emotions/social wise, but is being kind enough to help me financially at times as have been my parents. I'm going to try and start a business this week though with my uncle's help. He got a job with the county that gives him grants that he can help ppl take training with and he's offered it to me as I'm the least successful out of his kids and nieces/nephews which I really appreciate his help. My girlfriend and I are doing amazing and communicating lots. I love her more than I can ever express and appreciate her willingness to talk things out with me. :) She's the light of my life as sappy as that is. <3 :D My cat Chroma is doing pretty well socially now. She doesn't run as much if I'm standing over her. My cockatiel Tristan is as noisy as ever and still not ppl friendly, but I love him and he mimics my tone a lot even if he doesn't talk which is super cute. <3 We have a German Shepard we rescued and I get along with pretty well. Normally I hate petting dogs cause of their smell/fur unless it's with my foot, but I can tolerate petting her with my hands. My therapist just before we stopped recommended walking her and spending time with her to get over my social anxiety. My social anxiety btw is suuuper bad. I can't stand being in large gatherings unless there's a lot of space or I can escape as needed. Eating at tables is fine thankfully as there's plenty of space often times. I'm still addicted to Dr Pepper, but thankfully am not diabetic and managed to get away from being prediabetic. So that's a dodge. Part of the reason I mention all this is I am Indigenous so am more in danger of diabetes and other similar diseases. The lupus might also be from my dad's side of the family which is where I get my Indigenous roots from. The lupus is pretty bad. It explains my fatigue and brain function problems that do interfer with my day to day life. It also has caused a big deteriation in my eyesight often causing pain. It was actually an emergency eyedoctor who was the first to name lupus as a suspect and my doctors at the same location as my therapist were able to have me tested and it was positive. I have not been to a specialist so no meds or official diagnosis yet due to the insurance issues. :( My halfsister who my dad adopted had her second child so that's interesting. I'm still hiding from babysitting cause I know I'm not gonna get paid or appreciated and tbh children that young scare me cause they're fragile, messy, and can be pretty mean. :/ Maybe I can get over it eventually, but for now hiding from getting roped into stuff is easier. I'm not rude/mean to the kids tho obvs. That'd be horrible. Sister is at least trying to be nicer as is my brother since they're starting to see now how fucked up I am emotionally and mentally from all I've gone through cause of things they said or did or that our family said or did. So looking up despite all the setbacks. :)

All in all, life is fucking crazy and never know what you dig up. It's going alright though and mentally I'm still bad, but not as bad as I used fo be. Mainly thanks to the meds tbh. I do miss being more social on various websites, but have had to cut that back a lot. Hopefully can get things going again someday soon. :)

Star Butterfly

Send me a Character

First impression

Just thought she was alright at first, didn't hate her, didn't love her. She worked for the show she was in at the time when it was still more goofy and and tbh that made it work great when she was serious for serious moments.

Impression now

Oh star sunk HARD in later seasons, i could go into that for hours but they managed to make her immature, a hypocrite, abusive, obsessive, genocidal, and just one of the most frustrating main characters in awhile.

And that's the sum of things i can say without writing a 20 page essay on what happened with her writing.

Did not help the show was so biased towards her all the time, despite how wrong or bad she was.

They put her through the character assassination shredder HARD.

Favorite moment

IDK care what anyone says, that scene of her holding tom while he was in pain in Demoncism is great and i wish we had more scenes that good in s3 and 4.

Idea for a story

Would like more stories where ppl call her out for her actions thanks, regarding tom, regarding the genocide, just....please...more stories where she doesn't get away scot free and get everything she wants.

Unpopular opinion

She had more chemistry with tom then marco.

This might not be unpopular as much anymore, in fact i see a lot more ppl these days admit tom and star were a better and more compelling couple but i'm saying it anyway, they would've been a better endgame in every single way.

Favorite relationship

Again, tom, the fact they didn't take advantage of their dynamic to help her develop and add to the conflict with monsters is a crime.

I also liked eclipsa and her, and marco when they were friends and not being pushed together.

Also, her dynamics with jackie and janna were just...underused.

Favorite headcanon

This might come off cruel but-

She and marco's relationship didn't last at all and she decided she needed to work on herself before being in a relationship and fix the messes she's caused. Basically star properly matures instead of not learning a thing or being rewarded.

i can dream.

((Spoilers for up to chapter 125 of JJK))

I’ve been wanting to tackle this topic for awhile now and have touched on it super briefly before, but I want to explore what kind of dynamic itadori and fushi have, the effect it has on them, and how the events of the shibuya arc will possibly impact them in future arcs. In previous instances I feel I had a stronger ground to stand on in terms of things like “evidence” and things like that, but this time around will have a lot more speculation and personal interpretation than usual.

So, with that being said, let's begin by first talking about fushi’s decision to save itadori in the first arc. We know now that it was a selfish choice fueled by personal desire and it completely ignored the potential consequences that spring up later in the manga. Now, fushi isn’t dumb, he knew exactly what he was doing: right before gojo swoops in the save the day he was readying to kill itadori. But he doesn't, and ends up thrusting itadori into a world where he will be forced to kill people and be bombarded with constant suffering and he knows this. And that’s why it hurts when itadori says that he’s a reliable, nice person. Fushi might have saved itadori, and itadori might be grateful for that, but later effects of these actions are MASSIVE and are a result of fushi’s decision.

The guilt of being the person to put itadori in this position would eat fushi up inside and lead him to want to protect itadori as much as he can, to make sure that him keeping itadori alive isn't in vain. The same goes for itadori but in a different kind of way. Itadori was saved by fushi, so i think it’s only right that he wants to keep fushi safe as well, as a show of thanks and appreciation as well as also making sure that fushi’s actions weren’t in vain. They protect each other and save each other and look out for each other to ensure that the events that played out in the beginning aren’t something that will be a regret later. But they can’t always protect each other, they fail, and it's important to think about how that impacts how they see themselves and one another given that their dynamic is centered around protection. (As a quick sidebar here i think a great example of this sort of “protecting” is when they both lied to each other that they’d meet up again after they parted from their battle with awakasa in chapter 95. Like,,, they both “”died”” and were willing to die during their respective fights, but said those things to each other to protect one another even though they knew that wasn’t realistic). 

 Fushi fails to save itadori which leads him to die. That makes him feel guilty and weak asf and so when he finds out that itadori is actually alive, that makes him want to get stronger so that he won’t lose him again (though he was already working towards that). For itadori, there are a few more layers to this: he failed to save junpei, keep sukuna in check, save nanami and nobara, and kill mahito among other things.  Itadori wants to protect ppl, he wants to save ppl bc that is the only thing he’s good for. And if he can’t do that, then he is better off dead, at least in his eyes. While it pushes him to become stronger, it makes him fixated on the wellbeing of others rather than himself. I think the one thing left keeping him on the ground is what fushi said to him: that he didn’t regret saving him, not once. However, if Fushi knows abt this failure, if he knows abt this mass loss of life that came abt bc of itadori, will he regret saving him then? We can see this fear best towards the end of the origin of obedience arc after the two learn that sukuna’s fingers are resonating as a result of itadori eating one of them:

What fushi asked itadori in the cursed womb arc is extremely important here because they've now become the people in that scenario. Fushi is the savior of a murderer and itadori is a murderer that was saved. I can’t help but just see itadori thinking, “you saved me and this is how i repay you: with blood.” While both parties withhold this information from each other in order to protect the other, I believe it was also to protect themselves in a way. If fushi regrets saving itadori, then that reaffirms itadori’s self-sacrificing tendencies and will make him want to die even more than he already does. But I think it's important to specify the kind of regret that fushi could possibly feel here: he could regret being the reason that itadori has to suffer or he could regret saving someone who killed hundreds of ppl, or both. Of course he could also have none at all, but I can still see a potential tug-o-war in his mind over how he should even feel abt itadori at this point whenever all this information comes to light. In general though I just think this next period will be extremely hard, not just for them but everyone, having to cope with the responsibility, with the guilt of being the reason for others sufferings and struggling with facing those facts. While the blood may be on itadori’s hands, i think they trickle down to fushi’s, too. 

 As much as I’d love for them to have this great sit down discussion to sort all of this shit out, i don’t think that’s realistic at all. In fact, i can honestly see them avoiding each other like the plague after this arc (itadori would probably isolate himself from everyone tho tbh), and if they do talk it will be just as brief, if not more brief than before and filled to the brink with tension. I can also see another argument between the two happening as well, but we’ll just have to wait and see where this goes.

The more I think abt this whole situation, the more complex I realize it is, and I kind of curse myself for not being able to elaborate on it better. I'm sort of just barfing out text and hoping it makes sense and that the message gets across. And the more I write about these two the more I also realize how fucked this all is, like everyone feels guilty, everyone feels unworthy and like scum here, even if they really aren’t and it's completely unavoidable. How do you even patch this up? How do you “get over'' this when the events that lead to the mass killing of hundreds of people are so deeply rooted in one event that built the basis for your relationship with that other person? Jfc, and the fact that this is only a *crumb* of the possible ramifications of this arc and probably doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of the manga just shows how fucking insane the shibuya arc really is.   

So...what kind of horror movie would you write featuring the Hargrove/ Mayfield family? (That you haven't written already lol)

oh boy, u may regret asking me this bc i am indecisive af and i can’t pick just one!

two that i'm actually writing are max as (g is for) ghostface killer in the abcs of neil’s death and also the max + tory nichols werewolf movie fic outlined here. also some more misc gorror junk bc i’m a demon and esp horny for susan wearing blood splatter. but more ideas commence below:

horror movie #1: another creature feature! awhile back @lucdarling sent me an ask abt max + billy hiding smth from susan and her like, playing along, pretending she doesn't know, and one of the scenarios that popped in my head was them keeping a baby bat as a pet. max finds it and she’s only like six or seven, and she thinks it’s going to turn into a vampire. so here is that scenario except horror edition: baby bat is actually a vampire type creature. not rly a vampire like, what’s prolly popping into ur head, like an undead human like dracula or smth, but like a bat monster that sucks blood.

billy being a lil older doesn’t actually think the bat is going to turn into a vampire. he makes fun of max for believing this, but he helps her take care of it anyway bc he thinks it’s cool. susan, like in the non-horror version, knows abt the bat but plays dumb bc she’s feeling a lot of guilt abt max’s difficulty adjusting to the blended fam (as of rn tho, neil has yet to reveal his abusive nature. the red flags are not yet red, more of a brownish maroon, and he is on his best behavior almost all the time, showering susan + max with affection and keeping the swears out of his mouth when he scolds billy in front of them) and knows the lil furry baby makes her happy. she tacitly cleans up after the bat whenever the kids miss a spot (bats poop a lot, dude) and distracts neil, deterring him from discovering it whenever he gets close.

baby bat gets rly big rly fast. and the older it gets, the more it starts to look monstrous. it still has bat features but it’s just like, different. its fangs grow suspiciously long, its hooks grow suspiciously long. its feet are elongated. a dorsal ridge emerges from its spine, spikes at first just flesh but soft fur rather like peach fuzz eventually sprouting. billy catches on that smth is strange abt this animal when it's as long as his forearm after two wks and still growing. he nearly shits a brick when the bat is clinging to his sweater one day and he steps in front of a mirror and only his reflection looks back at him— no bat.

max laughs at him all like, “stupid brother, ofc there’s no reflection. nosferatu is a vampire, vampires don’t have reflections.” 😂

susan catches a glimpse of the thing when nosferatu crawls out of the home max built it in her closet the same wk billy realizes it doesn’t have a reflection, and also almost shits a brick. she doesn’t know what it is, but it’s NOT a fucking bat. not a normal one, anyway! cue a comedy scene where she’s chasing it around the house with a butterfly net and it’s always one flap *ba dum tss* ahead of her, flying just out of reach. she suddenly regrets not getting rid of it sooner, scolding herself for ever allowing her daughter to keep a wild animal.

she can’t catch it. max comes home, susan tells her she needs to get rid of it. max cries, flips her the bird, refuses. billy tho…billy has mixed feelings. he loves nosferatu but he’s worried it’s going to get dangerous. he loves his dad and his dad is dangerous too. he’s stressed out enough, always on edge, knowing that one way or the other, neil is going to hurt him again. he’s already waiting for his dad to hurt him, he doesn’t need the added stress of waiting for nosferatu to hurt him too. and while max is 100% nosferatu’s favorite, it likes billy too. billy’s been handling it since it could fit in the palm of his hand, it trusts him much more than it trusts susan and doesn’t know any different when billy takes it out of the closet when max isn’t around.

billy frees nosferatu at an abandoned farm. there are always bats flying out of the old silo adjacent to the dilapidated barn. while he knows nosferatu isn’t a *normal* bat, it’s still bat like enough that he thinks it might make friends and be happy here…

yeah, that doesn’t stick. before long, nosferatu is feasting on that colony. leeches the blood out of a couple bats nightly. the number of bats increases with nosferatu’s size. meanwhile, max mourns her missing friend. she’s sullen af and won’t speak to susan at all. she thinks susan is the one who got rid of nosferatu. billy never fesses up and susan doesn’t contradict max’s assumption bc she wants the step-siblings to get along.

neil, meanwhile, is getting more comfortable. those maroon flags are slowly but surely brightening to scarlet. he starts sabotaging susan’s plans with her friends, trying to keep her around the house more and more, quietly but steadily eroding her relationships with other people. he’s getting more visibly aggressive when he disciplines billy. he curses him out with a virulent venom that dunks susan’s stomach in ice water and scares max so badly, she runs to susan and hides behind her even though she’s still so mad that susan got rid of her beloved baby vampire.

nosferatu’s appetite surpasses what the bat colony can offer. it’s like the size of a ten yr old human child now. fucker’s big. it doesn’t just have fangs on top, but tusks on bottom. it can’t go out in the sunlight anymore, the sun sears its flesh. it misses max a lot and before, it wasn’t strong enough to fly back to her house. but now it is. it’s extremely strong, actually.

so bc it's hungry, nosferatu grabs a snack along the way. some nameless rando, it swoops down and sucks dry. nourished and much happier, nosferatu makes its way back home. patiently waits outside of max’s bedroom in the moonlight, tapping its hook against the window until she wakes up. initially max is a lil startled— nosferatu looks so different, there’s a beat before she recognizes it— him?? yk, ig it’s male, the og nosferatu was a guy. sure, why not, nosferatu is a boy now.

once she realizes who it is, she is so! happy! max opens the window and embraces her friend. she isn’t freaked out by the blood on its fangs. she’s always known nosferatu is a vampire, albeit, she was thinking he’d look more like dracula than this bat-monster-thingy.

nosferatu moves back into max’s closet. it hangs upside-down from her rod by its weird, elongated feet. we get more shots of nosferatu sucking rando ppl dry at night, tho he remains gentle with max. when max drags billy in to show her he came back, nosferatu is less friendly with him. he’s not aggressive with billy, but he is standoffish. nosferatu’s thought process is somewhere between human and animal. he doesn’t quite cognitively understand that billy took him to the farm with the intent of getting rid of him, but he does understand that the last time he clung to billy, billy left him alone and never came back. max puts two and two together, and realizes it was billy who “stole” her friend. she yells at him a lot, he yells back, she then ices him out.

billy acts out bc he’s upset. runs away, thinks he’s going to find his mom…the cops find him first and call neil. neil is rly embarrassed and pissed abt the whole thing. he breaks down and beats billy in front of the mayfields for the first time. nosferatu smells the blood and it’s time for the main event! we love dead!neil, yes, we do.

nosferatu flies out the closet and right into the living room where billy’s bleeding and teary but biting his lip so they don’t actually fall. susan’s covering max’s eyes but so shocked and tbh, FRIGHTENED, she doesn’t move a muscle beyond that. neil’s got the belt raised, preparing to bring it down again, and nosferatu smashes right into him. neil stumbles, turns back to see this freaky monster looking thing. proceeds to whip the belt at nosferatu. tries to fight him off with the belt and it doesn’t accomplish much beyond pissing him off more— nosferatu, like most classic vampire types, has a healing factor!

max rips her mom’s hands off her face in time to see her pet sink its fangs into her stepdad’s throat. nosferatu sucks neil dry. billy’s a little dazed, not quite frightened. susan is just dead ass frozen, too scared to scream, even. nosferatu crawls over to billy and nudges at him, making sure he’s in once piece and forgiving him in the same go. max darts over and that snaps susan out of her stupor, but she isn’t as fast as our blood-sucking bat monster.

nosferatu stretches his wings out and with a truly impressive wingspan, hugs both of the kids. <3

horror movie #2: a haunting! this one opens with a bang. it’s a tragic horror, beware. we’re in hawkins post s3. billy died at starcourt mall. neil’s obvi had a longstanding abusive mindset and abusive behavior, but he rly takes his grief out on susan and max. mostly susan. she does her best to protect max however she can, whether that means shielding her w her body, sending her out of the house, getting neil’s goat to inspire his ire in max’s place, etc. but sue simply isn’t around all the time and when she isn’t, but max is, well. yk.

one day neil comes home early (bc he lost his job for a violent outburst, tbh) and discovers susan packing a suitcase.

sue fights hard. she rly does. but neil is bigger, heavier, crueler, and to boot, he caught her completely unawares. he kills her. and no, no it’s not some accidental thing where neil makes one bad move rage-blind. he strangles her with his belt. she’s clawing at his arms and making these horrible choked, trapped animal noises. thrashes and twists her body with everything she has trying to get him off but he’s so strong, his grip is unrelenting, and she's growing weaker, lightheaded with the lack of oxygen. strangulation can induce incontinence and when susan blacks out, her piss streams to the hardwood— neil hears that as much as he felt the clawing and heard the noises, even now he could stop, but he doesn’t. he just. doesn’t think his wife has the right to leave him, esp not after his son just did.

neil burns the body and the suitcase in the woods while max is at school. max has been spending as much time as she can (and often with sue’s prompting) outside of the house, so it actually takes her about two days to realize her mother isn’t around. neil tells a pretty convincing story about how susan abandoned them, voice saturated with apology and sorrow. he takes her out for a fancy dinner and promises he’s going to be a better father-- that being a better father is the least he can do now that her mother abandoned her and they are alone in their grief.

max doesn’t know what to think. she’s been preoccupied with her own grief and pain. she finds it hard to believe her mother would just leave her to neil’s wrath. she has a lot of hangups with susan and anger toward her for marrying neil and not getting them out sooner, but she’s also old enough to realize there would be risks involved with that. it’s hard to reconcile the memory of her mother just last wk pinning max to the wall to protect her from neil’s blows with her own bod just abruptly taking off without a word in the middle of the night. but hey, maybe that’s why susan left. maybe she got sick of protecting her, maybe the pain got to be too much and she turned tail.

but also…it’s early october now, abt three months after billy’s death but still fairly warm outside. yet neil is wearing long sleeves. neil never used to button his collared shirts all the way up, and yet. every collar is buttoned. also, mom’s car is still here. why would mom leave without her car?

that ceramic pelican she loved so much is still here too, on the mantle in the living room. it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she would leave behind, she's had it since max was a baby.

max almost wants to believe neil because she’d rather her mother abandoned her than be dead somewhere, rotting in a storage locker or a hole in the ground. under the earth with the worms, just like billy. max has the worst feeling low in the pit of her gut. she thinks she knows the truth. she thinks abt going to hopper and hesitates bc she’s not sure she could handle it if he actually found smth. or what would happen to her if he did, where she would be sent, who she would end up with.

this movie would be more on the ambiguous end of things. an arthouse horror, if u will.

the days turn into wks and neil is crawling in his skin. the viewer isn’t sure if the shadows he’s seeing, always, always susan-shaped shadows, are of a ghostly nature or if he’s just hallucinating out of guilt. but the signs gradually point to the former— that smth paranormal is indeed going on. bc those scratches and bite marks susan left in his skin?

they do not heal. they do not get infected. they do not become necrotic. but they do not heal, either. days turn into wks and the wounds still look fresh, like she just left them moments ago. neil can’t wear light colors anymore because his wounds weep red into the fabric. he isn’t just seeing susan’s shadows either, he’s smelling her.

he washes his sheets and pillowcases a dozen times and the scent of her shampoo, her lotion, it’s like it’s woven into the fibers. he walks into the hallway and chokes on the aroma of susan’s perfume. he wonders if max is screwing with him, if max figured it out and she’s trying to torture him into a confession. one day he stomps off to max's bedroom, furious, adamant on confronting her. he grabs her doorknob, prepared to yank it open and then lets out a yelp, jerking his hand back with a sudden sharp pain.

it feels like a bee sting (which would be esp bad for this fucker in anything i write, bc i headcanon him as being allergic). but there’s no stinger. no injury. nothing. neil is freaked out enough that he backs down.

max, on the other hand, is getting gentler signs. when she turns the radio dial in the camaro, it’s somehow always her mom’s favorite songs that come thru the speakers. when she goes to pull clothes out of her drawers in the morning, she discovers that the things she’d just shoved inside in wrinkled balls are perfectly folded, neat as a pin, exactly like how susan always folded. susan was always fond of cardinals and suddenly max is seeing cardinals, pretty red cardinals, in just abt erry tree and shrub.

neil wakes up one night to his wife’s voice whispering “boo” right in his ear. he throws the covers off and discovers ashes in the bed. he doesn’t smell susan’s shampoo or lotion anymore, he smells the kerosine he’d poured all over her body.

his wounds still won’t heal. whenever he looks in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of susan walking past behind him, peering at him from her peripheral. he whips around, heart hammering, but there’s never any tangible person there.

max is almost certain her mother is dead at this point. neil’s been so bizarrely nice to her lately. she never believed in ghosts but her experiences with the upside-down broadened her perception of reality. she doesn’t know how else to explain the songs, the cardinals, the folded clothes. the way that these days, whenever she does feel fear toward neil, it just fades away. her fear melts like popsicles in the sun, immediately replaced by the sensation of a warm, maternal hug, as if arms she can’t see are trying to reassure her she truly doesn’t need to be afraid of him anymore.

in fact, max feels so unafraid of neil and brave, that one night she calls him out on it. he’s grizzled and unshaven in his recliner, beer in hand. she steps in front of the television he’s vacantly fixated on and folds her arms across her chest.

“you killed my mom, didn’t you?”

quick as a flash, neil leaps to his feet. he brings his arm back like he’s going to strike her and susan’s ceramic pelican on the mantle explodes into shards. the lights flicker, the television program cuts to snow with a static roar. every other knickknack on the mantle rattles and framed photos tumble off the wall.

neil very wisely lowers his hand. he slumps, boneless. he doesn’t say a word. max sees the answer in his eyes. it’s the dead of night and she snatches the camaro keys off the hook, marching out of the house, slamming the door behind her. it’s the dead of night and she doesn’t care. she’s going to blow past every stop sign and pound on the chief’s door until he opens up. and fuck, i just realized if this is post s3 he’s supposed to be in russia. shit. i don’t watch this show, but i know abt russia bc i DID watch the clips of that demogorgon that i rly hope isn’t stuck in captivity!! okay, but let’s pretend that didn’t happen?

it’s an au?? i mean, errything i write is always technically an au anyway, bc when i write stuff susan has an actual personality and billy isn’t *completely* abhorrent. okay, so it’s an au and mr. hopper didn’t blow up and un-blow up in russia. he’s still here. so max drives to his house.

she pounds on the door so hard this guy snaps outta bed, thinking someone’s trying to bust it down. she tells him neil confessed to killing her mom. it isn’t true, exactly, but he didn’t have to. so it’s a helluva grim drive back to cherry lane, this time in the cop car.

but when they go inside, chief prepared to arrest neil, no need. neil’s hanging from the belt he strangled susan with, shirtless for the first time since that night, erry seemingly fresh furrow and bite mark on full display. below his dangling feet is a map, the area he burned susan’s corpse in circled in red marker. did he kill himself or did the ghost do it?

up to u, we soundlessly cut to credits without a concrete answer to that question.

horror movie #3: crossover special! stranger things meets the chilling adventures of sabrina. sequel to that fic i wrote where susan makes out with lilith, queen of hell, and lilith kills neil for her. sue officially joins the church of lilith. bc in this ‘verse the church of lilith actually happens after caos s2 instead of the nonsense that was s3 and the inconceivably godawful migraine-inducing shit-fest that was s4.

killing neil was lilith’s only freebee. susan isn’t a witch, she’s a mortal, so in order to reap the other rewards of worshipping the one and only mother of demons, she has to fornicate with the witches and participate in the sacrifices!!!

this is, uh, well. it’s p much a porno, dude, sorry. 😅

this is just an excuse for susan to have sex with lilith, zelda, marie, hilda, big witch orgies + susan. witches bathing in the blood of their sacrifices, susan so nervous and timid but unable to deny her desire. the witch’s dressing her in their gothic garb.

how does the rest of the fam get it on this?

max joins the church too. she has more age-appropriate conduct with sabrina and the weird sisters, and what have you. just smooches and over-the-clothes groping, and whatnot, even tho the weird sisters, at least, would be interested in going further if given the opportunity.

billy dies in starcourt again, so he gets revived in the cain pit! hilda is the one who goes to him after bc she’s been in the cain pit many a time (i am still BIG side-eyeing zelda for repeatedly murdering her sister since childhood). hilda understands how jarring it can be to come back. suddenly alive!billy is freaking tf out but she brings him inside the mortuary, wraps him up in a big blanket burrito and they have a talk. hilda explains that he’s going to be okay and rubs his back while he tentatively sips the hot chocolate she made.

after billy’s calmed down, she brings max and susan in. max and susan can’t do as much magic as the caos witches— they’re mortals, after all, it’s not in their nature —but they’ve gained some abilities thru being in the church, following the rituals, and being carnally involved with the immortal witches. max happily shows him some of her new magic tricks.

horror movie #4: another crossover with caos. heavily inspired by creepshow episode s2e1, model kid (which i already v blatantly referenced in the last axe snafu update and i’m not ashamed, bc it’s a good series i love v much).

billy picks max up from the byers’ place rly late one night. it’s dark and the weather is bad and okay, yeh, he might be a little high. and a little concussed. he pissed neil off pretty bad the other day and okay, actually he’s defo concussed bc he doesn’t even remember what he did wrong!

needless to say, they take a wrong turn somewhere. they end up in greendale. at first max is pissed. she yells at him a lot! yells so loud hilda can hear them thru the walls of dr. cerberus’s comic shop/diner. she goes outside to see what all the fuss is abt, hilda never rly ignores youth in need. we love hilda, she deserved so much better…i’m getting distracted, okay, back to the story.

hilda ushers them inside. max is like, “ooh, comics? horror junk and comics? nvm, i’m not mad anymore.” she pats billy’s arm and wanders away to go check stuff out! hilda makes billy sit down. caos canon established that she’s psychic, at least when she wants to be. she smells the weed but she also sees his life, his trauma. billy doesn’t remember what he did to piss neil off or the abuse that followed, but hilda sees it clear as day.

he’s rude and cranky w her when she probes a little too much for his liking. hilda gently but firmly reprimands him and gets him a milkshake on this house. then she goes to check on max. she steers max to a v particular section of the shop, the one that sells model kits. now, max isn’t *huge* into model kits BUT they are p neat and she enjoys them well enough. more so when the weather is nasty and she can’t go outside. or when she needs smth to do with her hands (a trait she shares w susan) to distract herself and ease some of the anxiety when she hears her brother being beaten or her mother being shouted at.

max is actually rly impressed by the array of models. vintage ones and newer ones. monsters, slashers, final girls, tiny accessories like knives and bloodied heads. but when she gets to the paint-your-own shelf, her jaw drops to the floor.

there’s one that looks just like neil. unpainted, plain gray vinyl, but undoubtedly her stepdad. the expression on the five inch figurine is one frozen in fear.

“i think that one’s calling to you,” hilda prompts her, with the softest smile.

max blinks away her bewilderment altho she still can’t speak. she turns to hilda and turns her empty pockets inside out. hilda just waves her hand. she tells her it’s on the house. that it wouldn’t be fair if she gave billy smth on the house, but not max.

speaking of billy, when he finishes his milkshake, he’s suddenly totally sober and healed!! no more high buzzing in his blood. no more pounding headache or concussion fogging his mind. he doesn’t feel his bruises anymore, rolls his sleeve up, and realizes they simply aren’t there anymore. like they dissolved off his skin.

albeit it’s muttered under his breath, but billy does thank hilda. then he and max are on their way. max shows him the suspiciously familiar figurine in the box. this night cannot get weirder.

max knows what to do with the model kit. she does. she isn’t sure how she knows, but she does. she grapples with it for a long time. neil’s the closest thing she has to a dad these days. and things aren’t bad all the time, ofc.

sometimes neil gives max a ride when mom and billy aren’t available. sometimes he brings her ice cream entirely unprompted. neil’s the one who picks max up off the sidewalk when she wipes out super bad on her skateboard, carries her inside and then later to the car when her cut doesn’t stop bleeding and she ends up needing stitches.

but most of the time he sucks. she can’t rly be herself around him. he's indifferent to her interest at best, scornful at worst. he would hate all her friends. he scares the shit out of her when he’s angry. he doesn’t have a problem belittling her mother in front of her, tearing susan to shreds and making her out like she’s lower than dirt, the most worthless person on the planet. doesn’t have a problem beating billy in front of her or glaring at her with the promise that she’ll be next if she dares to voice her dissent.

max doesn’t always want to do what she knows she’s meant to do with the model. bc she's kind at heart and bc on the good days, she genuinely does have mixed feelings toward neil. never enough to hope he'll be better, he's proven he won't...but maybe enough to hope he won't get worse, either.

then comes the night neil breaks ribs. bad, like we’re talking, a-sharp-spear-of-broken-rib-punctures-billy’s-lung-and-he’s-coughing-up-blood-bad. that’s a trip to the emergency room. in the days that follow, at her next dnd meeting w the party, max places the fully and attentively painted model of her stepdad on the table. normally her pals would protest her derailing the intended game, but they can sense it, yk, that smth is different.

max takes over as dungeon master to the protest of no one, all other mouths sealed as if bewitched and spellbound. she narrators a scene where the demogorgon devours neil and uses the demogorgon piece and the model for demonstration.

when max returns home, neil is strewn across the house in gory chunks and torn wallpaper curls around massive claw marks.

IBRAHIM JARVIS —

IG info/bio: @/OFFICIALRAHIMJARVIS | 130k followers | pro🏌🏿, & yes i was on that dating show...don’t obsess over other people, obsess over water, stay hydrated friends!

22 (23) years old

From Birmingham, England

Pisces sun? + Virgo moon + Cancer rising

Parents are both Afro-Antiguan and Barbudans + migrated to The UK once they were pregnant with their first child

They’ve been married for over 20 years

He gets his height from both of his parents

His mother keeps her hair buzzed short, cooks the best Antiguan food + loves creole seasoning, she’s 5’11, & works as a bank teller

His father is 6’5, works as a substance a*use counselor & does not believe in tough love as a way of showing you care about your children. He learned that the hard way growing up

Ibrahim is a pro golfer & dislikes tiger woods, “he’s a proper arsehole, typical American yeah?”

Got into the craft thanks to his maternal grandfather who was also into golf along with other sports & taught him all he needed to know. At first Ibrahim didn’t like it, found it rather boring & would rather stick to video gaming but his grandfather wanted to break his grandchildren out of staying in the house all the time

It kept him fit and also relieved any anxiety Ibrahim had in life and he had a good amount

He’s got an incredible swing, thanks to his long arms

He’s 6’3

Has three older brothers: Jesse (27) , Keithroy (25), and Reuben (24)

He loves working out and spotting other people, feels likes it’s a team effort & he’s a team player

Drinks gallons of water on a daily and nothing else, it’s even better if he puts fruit in it

Always eating fruit, for breakfast/with or after his dinner. Rather eat fruits than vegetables...yes he’s an adult but he can’t stand broccoli or radishes

Canon: hates seeing other people test their fruit to see if it’s ripe or not. But it’s fine when he does it himself, he just thinks about all the germs that are on other peoples hands when they’re doing so; it physically makes him sick & irritated if he ends up touching the fruit that’s mushy/lumpy

He’s a big fan of comics. Always has been since he’s a kid and has a huge collection of them, his oldest ones are packed away in a couple of crates (in his loft room that he uses as a extra storage room) since he no longer has space in his room. Yes he has no shame (and shouldn’t) of having them on display even tho his oldest brothers clown him for it

Massive fan of black panther & was hyped when it first came to theaters. Saw it three times in one day

Was heartbroken when Chadwick Boseman p*ssed

He’s awkward at expressing himself & sometimes it makes him feel misunderstood & it’s frustrating

Hates people that come up with these ideas of him instead of allowing him to collect his thoughts and speak them the right way

Yet he can be the type of person that wants to ignore issues and hope they go away

He wishes people had enough patience like he did with others in the world

He seeks advice from his dad, since he’s a counselor & everything yet it’s slightly different?

Can be a sweetie & very romantic in relationships

Will do the most (he won’t see it that way) & drop $ on you if he wants to...buying things, trying & failing to DIY, doing wealthy ppl shit, expensive trips— canon: taking his girl to Spain? Was it? Or Italy? I don’t remember... the whole 9

Had 1 gf before the villa. He broke up with her for being too flashy with his things & found that she wouldn’t have liked him if he didn’t have a bit of money

His parents live with him. “They’re basically my roommates until or if they find a house they like.” He didn’t go overboard once he got his first paycheck, he didn’t need a mansion but he did go big enough, industrial style but homey with some minor modern touches for his dream home—he didn’t want it to feel cold or penthouse-like

Isn’t too flashy on the socials but will post something every now & then if he feels the need to show it

Doesn’t post much of his face, mostly what he’s doing in the moment...lots of golfing pics!

Dresses like a dad but it works for him. Loves a good snug polo & plaid trousers/regular that are cut above the ankle, “those are highwaters innit?!” “No mum, it’s the style.” Rolled up jeans, tall white socks & some patterned, baggy sweaters, fancy hats, picks oxfords over sneakers, etc...

Definitely takes the time to iron/steam/press his underwear & socks

Enjoys getting his hair braided, isn’t tender-headed at all (must be nice)

Only grows his hair out during the fall/winter seasons or cuts/gets a shape up

When he posts about his tournaments or time at the golf course, he can always count on Bobby to comment the usual... @/returnofdamckenzie: do you ever have moments where you Reenact troy bolton on the lovely green grass? @/officialrahimjarvis: Idk whether to block u or have a laugh mate, yes i had to look him up!

Dated Jo for about 5 months after the villa until she broke up with him, finding that their lifestyles were too hectic for them to continue, at least that was her public statement to the fans but they really grew apart & the “love” was no longer there

Ibrahim seemed to be more upset about it than Jo in the beginning resulting in snappy replies for awhile, which again stems from him not knowing how to express himself

She checked up on him A LOT, almost as if they never broke up but Ibrahim felt like he needed his space now. They talked it out the best they could over dinner and got closure but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting. He just didn’t think it was needed to be calling each other everyday to see how they were both holding up. If they were done, then that’s what they should be

Jo didn’t see it that way. She still cared for Ibrahim, that didn’t mean that they had to stop talking in her view. She wanted to know how he was coping, and was known for “sticking her foot in her mouth” so that was also a flaw in their relationship

She would say certain things that touched on how she was feeling but didn’t express them at the right times & then there was Ibrahim who didn’t know HOW to say the things he felt which left jo to assume things

Ibrahim was back to the single life and he hated it. He wanted someone he could come back home to, someone that wanted to be with him for the long run. A part of him feels like Jo wasn’t planning to be with him for the long run in the first place and in a way that was okay? Sometimes you don’t know where you’re going in relationships but there should be some sort of goal? Maybe? At least that’s what he thought. Yeah they had fun but he wanted more someday

He was still young he didn’t need to be hung up about it right? Sike. He didn’t know how to take things lightly. That wasn’t how he was built. And to get comments about his ex relationship and have fans dragging him about his choices in the villa A YEAR later!!! Was disheartening

Shannon seemed to be doing well. He thought they would still be friends, at least that’s what she showed before she left the villa. Before he got her dumped. They talked a couple of times since then, jo personally wasn’t a fan of that—Shannon didn’t care but it was clear there was some tension still there

Until he contacted her just to realize she probably had his number blocked but her IG was public and she had a new man & was traveling about

His dad and Reuben were the only ones rooting for them

He had no choice but to be happy for her. Who was he to come in between that? Not that he wanted to but it’s a natural reaction to wonder after a fresh breakup, “what if?”

Talks to Priya every so often now. He seems to find comfort in her, it’s the same for her on her end

His mother has a feeling Priya is the one her son will end up with. Even if she is older...Keithroy also liked her the best

While Jesse seemed to be the only one who supported his relationship with jo

I honestly thought he would have liked Hannah in the beginning but idk if it was him or Gary that said she was too unrealistic when it came to love? I think they both said something along those lines which is odd since it seems Ibrahim has no problem treating his girl like a princess

Probably only has one special dish that he can cook the best & it’s gumbo. otherwise hes out of the kitchen or having his personal chef cook for the family

Goes live on twitch—when he has time, playing many games with the boys from the villa, which pleases the fans

Talks to them all as much as he can

Noah seems to be the first to always text back since Bobby is the one who’ll start off responding in minutes then forget to text back cause he’s off doing handstands or booping people on the nose or some shit, Gary always ends up busy doing something with his nan or for Lottie—but Noah’s always around

They seem to be the closest outside the villa, they mesh well & hang out the most when they can

he likes having his sound on & LOUD when he texts! There’s something so satisfying about hearing the clicking of texting to him

Watches a lot of sports on the Telly, it doesn’t have to be just golf. Usually watching that sport sends him right to sleep while the others keep him active/vocal...yes he’s a tv yeller

Holds sports parties at his home & invites all of his family & mates, he HATES having to clean up afterwards. If it wasn’t for his mum he would save the cleaning until the next day yet he doesn’t mind cleaning his car twice a week

Continues to make his violet man drink & wouldn’t be opposed to someone giving him a endorsement deal for it

Is the “I love everybody!” Drunk

Enjoys yard work over cleaning the house

Has his own customized golf cart that he keeps in his garage

He likes driving that more than his Buick suv tbh

Wants kids some day, not too many, not too little just right— he’ll probably have two but for rn his Doberman pinscher is his bby

Either ends up with Priya with slight insecurities that she’s too good for him or he falls in love with a tennis player, either way I’m fine with both

Crushes/his type? : Jojo Levesque, SERENA WILLIAMS, China McClain, Brie Larson, Victoria Pedretti, Nathalie Emmanuel, & Keke Palmer

Listens to: Aminé, Big Sean, Frank Ocean, Brent Faiyaz, Pink $weats, B Young, Ali Gatie, Russ, Raveena, Jessie Reyez, Rayana Jay, Cosima, TianaMajor9 etc...

Anthem = Lucky Daye, “Buying Time”

Ok, I'll bite: please explain the Roller Derby AU shipping chart emojis XD Admittedly it is less convoluted than I feared once I took a close look but I wonder if it's intentional that between Harley and Talia there's both an "uwu" and a throwing hands emoji.

That was intentional as FUCK IM SO GLAD U PICKED UP ON IT LMAO

Okay, so we’ll divide these by colors and the add the emojis and hopefully no one will call me out for a past fandom I was in but that’s just the risk I gotta take

Also note before I start, I use ship names (no spaces btwn names or with a / slash if I’m unsure of the ship name) for romantic/sexual ships. And the ampersand (&) for platonic/other ‘ships’. Bc Ao3 rlly Did Something and we ought to bring that over here with more regularity tbh

Black:

Harley & Talia - uwu vs ผ(•̀_•́ผ) 

so idk if Harley and Talia have rlly had like, SIGNIFICANT interactions, they didn’t have a lot of direct stuff even in the GCS issues (bc obvsly Selina & Talias whole thing was center stage for that one) BUT. Harley gets on ppls nerves!!! She’s only got like! Two settings and normally the more playful one is out and I can’t imagine that ever being anything BUT annoying as fuck to Talia! And ofc Harley LOVES fucking with ppl so it’s just gonna be a whole continuous cycle of her Ramping Up Shenanigans while Talia becomes the human embodiment of the *arthur clenching fist* meme. Add onto the fact that again, Talias the pivot and Harleys the Jammer and you’ve got a RECIPE FOR DISASTER.

IvyZee - (ง •̀_•́)ง vs ผ(•̀_•́ผ)

I talked awhile ago abt my Social Media Rivals AU and tbh...... there’s not a whole lot there that CANT ALSO crossover to here so!!! I just rlly enjoy the idea of Ivy and Zee fuckin HATING each other and it constantly being a “oh my god just Kiss or Kill each other already” I know some ppl don’t like those ships but LISTEN. Listen if we play the inherent sexual tension of enemies to rivals to begrudging allies to 👀👀👀 buddies right I THINK I can make this work.

Red:

HarlIvy - ❤️

OBVIOUS. I should not HAVE to explain this one at all aksjak (other than the general reminder that I’m gonna try hard as hell to make it slow burn bc 🔥 I need it)

Teal

Zeelina - 🙃

y’all K N O W I’ve got COMPLEX feelings abt them. So this is rlly no different. This is gonna be that On/Off again thing, they’re hot n cold all the time, things get messy and they’ll have Conflicts but ultimately will pull together bc 🙃 well.... there always WILL be that history+chemistry There, whether they admit to it or not

Navy

Talina/DemonCat - 😈

I just think it would be VERY NEAT if they started something together!!! And just 100% organically just mutually dated!! And maybe only find out way later that they both dated Famed College Drop-Out Bruce Wayne lmao anyways. Theyre both hot and I love them and think they should date so!

Talia/Zee - 💅

see above, but also Make It Even More Fashion and there’s Slightly More Distrust At First (bc yeah they got that Mutual Attraction. But also Zee Heard things from B, and Talia’s not so Sure abt where Zee stands in general so!!)

(Side note, yes I also want Talia/Selina/Zee eventually but LISTEN. It’s not gonna happen all at once from the go!!! We gotta try a couple Configurations First!!)

Yellow

Harley & Selina - 🫂 

theyre friends thru and thru and I love that for them and just want good things for them both in that friendship!!! Idk!!! I’m sure there’s probably SOME shippers for them out there but!!! I just love their friendship so much so!!! Friends! They shall be!

Green

CatIvy - 👀

THESE TWO ON THE OTHER HAND THO. okay listen LISTEN. Ivy and Selina’s Arkham City cutscenes live RENT FREE IN MY BRAIN. Theyve DEF slept together at least once or twice! I will accept nothing less! (The green is for mostly staying friends tho so onto these next ones)

Talia/Ivy - 🤝

okay so in canon, technically It’s Like Ivy 🤝 Talia: technically eco-terrorists who for all intents and purposes would be Heroes if their Ways Of Saving The Planet werent Kinda Skewed. So we’re carrying that over to here where Talia is an anthropology major and Ivy’s a botany major BUT they’re both getting minors in poli sci and take some of the same classes and 🤝 bond there before Ivy invites Talia to join the derby team that Harleys trying to form. And maybe they sleep together once or twice or a few times as friends with bennies idk

Harley/Zee - 🤡

listen I loved Harley’s Little Black Book and ESP that one halloween story that Dini wrote for them and basically I think it would fuckin Hilarious if they slept together at least once and then never brought it up again akdjsk so I’m gonna like. Imply it One Time and Never Bring It Up Again and ppl are just gonna have to draw their own conclusions!

Could you expand on your idea of Emily Willows seeing/communicating with ghosts? (sorry for asking so many questions hdhfhhdhf I really like Barbie, especially PCS)

Oh boy, that’s a doozy... I honestly don’t feel like I have very much, as I haven’t had the idea for very long, but I’ll talk about what I do have! (I guess I came up with it last year, but for me, that isn’t really a long time.)

I’ve mentioned before, but I debated for a long time about even bringing Reginald and Isabella back, bc it has a lot of implications about life and death in the barbieverse. I’m currently operating on the assumption that while ghosts can exist, as souls trapped here on the mortal plane, if they ever cross over to the great beyond--that’s it. They’re gone, for good, and can’t ever be brought back.

Now, that goes against Marie’s appearance in Christmas Carol (which I used to justify having ghosts in the first place), since she clearly wasn’t hanging around that whole time... But as I mentioned the other day, Eden is actually a lynchpin in my barbieverse (the Brilliant Echo timeline, specifically). The universe would unravel if she ended up in that bad future, so an exception had to be made for Marie to come back. It was a one-time-only deal, and not something that can be done by just anyone. Certainly not Emily, in any case. (I’m still debating on who facilitated the Marie visit, as it could be one of two ppl. It might end up being both of them working together. But that’s way down the road.)

Anyway, I joked the other day about the possibility of Emily seeing more ghosts, but honestly, I don’t think I’ll end up doing that. Having ghosts at all feels like it raises a lot of questions, and I don’t really want to open those cans of worms, so setting very rigid rules about it seems to be the best compromise. And even aside from that, I don’t think a lot of ppl would even become ghosts in the first place; I really do like the classic rules of sudden/violent deaths and/or unfinished business being the reason they stick around. So she’ll most likely only ever see Reginald and Isabella, and her power will probably never expand in any way. I could change my mind later, but right now, that’s what I’m thinking.

And also, just like... seeing the two ghosts is more than enough drama, honestly.

The way I envision Isabella is very specific, but basically, she struggled a lot with paranoia and she’s very guarded. It got worse after she died, due to her being convinced she was murdered, but she had actually made some progress due to going to a therapist for the majority of her death. (Yes, I send a ghost to therapy. Yes, her therapist knows she is dead.) She managed to get to a place of... not really no paranoia, but much less. And then, she finds out that she was, in fact murdered, so suddenly all of her fear feels VERY justified, and that’s a huge setback. So her 18 years of trying to deal not only with her anxiety but her grief over the death of her child suddenly feels like it was all for nothing. She was murdered and her baby is alive and she missed her daughter’s entire childhood.

On Reginald’s side, he had always tried to support Isabella as best he could, but the one thing he was adamant on was that his sister would not murder them. Like, she’s mean, sure, but murder? That’s a step too far. Especially after seeing her with students, he knows that she can be cruel, but killing her own brother and his family? Her queen? She wouldn’t! She couldn’t! And then he finds out that she did, so not only does he feel duped for believing that she wasn’t capable of it, he feels guilty for not being on Isabella’s side all those years. Isabella doesn’t exactly hold it against him that he didn’t believe her, since she’s well aware--especially after therapy--that her fears were not always rational, but it is kind of an ‘I told you so’ moment that neither of them ever wanted to be true. And obviously, he’d grieved for Sophia, too.

On the side of the living, Sophia is thrust into a role she never wanted and now has a million responsibilities she wasn’t prepared for, and she’s got to deal with all of the princess stuff while also having to deal with the re-opened investigation into her parents’ murders and Dame Devin’s subsequent trial. Her life isn’t her own anymore, it belongs to everyone else. And she doesn’t even know how to feel about Reginald and Isabella. And she especially doesn’t know how to deal with everyone comparing her to Isabella, her appearance, her mannerisms--is anything really her? Is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of her life, being compared to her dead birth mother that she doesn’t even remember? How is she supposed to deal with that?

So when Emily first stumbles across Reginald and Isabella, they’re still reeling. They desperately want to reach out to Sophia, of course, but they know that they’re really in no position to talk to her right away, nor is she ready to see them. Or even if they should reach out to her--would it help her to know that her parents aren’t really gone? Or would they only be serving themselves?

And there’s also the question of if Sophia is the only one they should talk to. Should Reginald tell Delancy that she still does have one family member left who’s good and believes in her capacity to change, that he knows she doesn’t have to become her mother? Should Isabella speak to her father and half-sisters, and tell them that she’s wanted to reach out to them for 18 years? The more ppl that know a secret, the greater the chance that it will get out--altho, in this case, probably no one will want to broadcast the fact that they’ve spoken to a ghost, but still.

And kind of in the middle of this is Emily, who’s 13 and in no position to be moderating this kind of discussion. She wants everyone to be able to talk to each other, for the family to be reunited, but she understands that it’s a multi-sided thing. She offers up the compromise of acting as a mouthpiece, if they don’t want to talk to anyone directly (since ghosts can manifest themselves at will, if they wish; Emily’s special bc she can see them in their state of rest), but even that doesn’t do much good. As far as anyone else knows, she’s obviously never met Reginald and Isabella, so she can’t exactly say with authority that they would be proud of Sophia, or that Isabella misses her father, or anything like that. It would just sound like a platitude.

I don’t even know what side I’m going to come down on, tbh. It’s such a multi-layered discussion, especially with Isabella and her father--he’s already grieved for her, so is it fair to tell him she isn’t (quite) dead? She now knows, firsthand, what it’s like to grieve a child and then to suddenly find out that child is alive and that she’s missed so much--and she would be putting her father in that same position. Is it selfish? Or is it more selfish to never reveal herself, especially with the way that she died angry at him, since he carries that guilt around, even if she ended up moving past it (in therapy). I may end up compromising on that front, and have Isabella write a journal or a letter, something that Emily can “discover” in the palace and pass on to Isabella’s father. Maybe.

As for Sophia... It’s trickier, but I’m leaning toward her finding out. Maybe not for awhile, it might take years, but I think they would eventually tell her. She might be the only one, tho... But then, at some point, does Nicholas need to know? Especially after they’re married, is it a secret that still needs to be kept from him? And, again, I don’t think there’s a single good answer, bc it’s just... such a weird quandary to find oneself in. There’s pros and cons to every side.

So... That’s where I am with Emily and ghosts, right now. And that’s why I feel like just the two is enough, bc it just dominoes out so quickly and becomes a LOT of emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas. As such, Emily will also end up seeing a therapist at some point, for sure, but all things considered, I think she’ll end up being remarkably well-adjusted lol.

NOPE. Book Tag

Source: here

thank you @sunel0 <3

Questions:

1. NOPE. Ending: A book ending that made you go NOPE either in denial, rage, or simply because the ending was crappy.

everything, everything, it has been years since i read that but that twist/ending was bullshit, i have never felt more rage in my life, fuck that book, fuck, i dont remember all of the details of it but in general it felt like shit, it just brushed away all of the stakes and demonized people with mental illnesses and generally felt like garbage, god i am pissed

2. NOPE. Protagonist: A main character you dislike and drives you crazy.

main guy of giovannis room i forget his name because im dumb, first of all, i love that book, i really do, im not saying i dont like it i just want to make that clear dfasafds, but i would kick main guys ass any day of the week <3

3. NOPE. Series: A series that turned out to be one huge pile of NOPE. after you’ve invested all of that time and energy on it, or a series you gave up on because it wasn’t worth it anymore.

this was awhile ago lol but the maze runner books, i loved the first one and then i got part way into the second and realized i hated where the story was going and stopped reading, that was in like middle school and i do not remember what i didnt like but i was pissed

4. NOPE. Popular pairing: A “ship” you don’t support.

idk, i cant really think of a specific one offhand, aside from like obviously gross ones but yeah idk, best i can think of is in trc when ppl ship kavinsky with people, or really like any dream pack stuff, but to each their own, i just dont vibe with all that lol

5. NOPE. Plot twist: A plot twist you didn’t see coming or didn’t like.

can i say everything, everything again? it really pissed me off, i still remember the pure rage i felt reading that 

6. NOPE. Protagonist action/decision: A character decision that made you shake your head NOPE.

every decision made by zebulon in the death and life of zebulon finch, i love those books but he is stupid as fuck <3

7. NOPE. Genre: A genre you will never read.

okay i have read high fantasy before but generally i just don't vibe with it, idk its hard to get invested for me :/

8. NOPE. Book format: Book formatting you hate and avoid buying until it comes out in a different edition.

not super applicable but i CAN’T read ebooks, my brain just does not comprehend, similar thing with audiobooks, i only listen to audiobooks of things ive already read bc i space out a lot and miss chunks lol

9. NOPE. Trope: A trope that makes you go NOPE.

stories that are like super futuristic technology stuff with like tech genius characters??? is that a trope??? does that make sense??? anyway i hate that, i dont think ive read many books like that so ill use the mcu as an example :) it just feels like theres no stakes because everything can be solved by just inventing a new machine! also most uses of time travel, i forgot that one (exceptions would be like bill and ted or paper girls but they are rare)

10. NOPE. Recommendation: A book recommendation that is constantly hyped and pushed at you that you simply refuse to read.

i haven't seen it much recently, but captive prince, just the whole premise and shit that ive heard about it makes me very uncomfortable

11. NOPE. Cliche/pet peeve: A cliche or writing pet peeve that always makes you roll your eyes.

too many pop culture references and shit like that, i feel like i dont see it a lot in stuff i read, but like an example is more recent rr stuff, like it just rarely works and takes me out of the story and i just do not like it

12. NOPE. Love interest: The love interest that’s not worthy of being one. A character you don’t think should have been a viable love interest.

i couldnt think of one soooooo colin greenmantle! he’s a weak bitch who didn’t deserve piper and im glad she killed him!

13. NOPE. Book: A book that shouldn’t have existed that made you say NOPE.

all for the game... its bad

14. NOPE. Villain: A scary villain/antagonist you would hate to cross and would make you run in the opposite direction.

dr leather from zebulon finch!!!!!! why was he like that???? hweee.... fweee..... bitch ill kill you!!!! he was my first thought, idk if hes the scariest but he was fucked up!!! meat etiquette???? people garden????

15. NOPE. Death: A character death that still haunts you.

noah czerny, i do not see it <3

16. NOPE. Author: An author you had a bad experience reading for and have decided to quit.

cassandra claire, i started the mortal instruments in middle school but tbh with just everything ive heard about her and the content of her books... no

okay! now tagging people! i said i wouldnt tag more people but im actually curious so im going to! as usual no pressure! @audikatia @darkadam @pynches @gaynanlynch @adamparrishthot @czernydefencesquad uhhhh and anyone else who wants to! yeehaw!

hola , mamakeishas ! 😍 i’m claire, and we love a good repurposing of intro posts. no but seriously, i’m really excited that this is finally open. i’m also really excited to meet all of your muses & write with youuuu. so without further ado, lemme introduce you to jo. aka my stupid, stubborn child who i love so much.  like this & i’ll swoop into your dms for some plots. 👉👈

☆ . · . cindy kimberly, twenty-one, cisfemale, she/her . · . ☆ JOANNA “JO” VASQUEZ lives in that huge mansion over there! no, not that one. look for PERFECTLY TRIMMED HEDGES and that’ll be it. the ACTRESS has offered occasional glimpses of MAROON walls and an impressive collection of WINE in the background of social media posts, but all of that is nothing compared to seeing the opulence in person. they’ve remained DILIGENT as ever since moving to tercet court FOUR MONTHS AGO, but it seems like they might’ve gotten a little more RESERVED too. maybe that’s why they’re rumored to have such a CAUTIOUS relationship with everyone else who lives on this street.

* BACKSTORY .

tw. mentions of drugs & death.

from  the  beginning  ,  it  was  never  jo’s  dream  to  be  famous.  while  most  girls  were  at  home  playing  with  toys,  jo  was  getting  prepped  for  auditions  by  her  parents.  they  had  ambitions   ————  to  get  filthy  stinkin’  rich  off  the  back  of  their  daughter,  and  for  the  most  part,  it  worked.

jo  landed  a  major  role  in  a  disney  show  (  think  like  hannah  montanna  or  wizards  of  waverly  place,  that  kinda  cultural  impact  ),  and  quickly,  she  became  one  of  america’s  sweethearts.  that  was  a  lot  for  one  kid  to  handle, with  all  the  filming,  press,  etc.  her  parents,  of  course,  ate  up  the  attention  and  capitalized  off  it  fairly  quickly.  brand  deals,  interviews,  anything  you  could  find  a  child  star  on  at  that  time.  it  pretty  quickly  became  overwhelming,  but  she  was  definitely  raking  in  the  dough.  that  meant  she  was  to  continue,  no  matter  how  tired  of  it  she  was.

which  is  where  her  perfectionism  comes  in  to  play,  she  had  a  lot  of  people  relying  on  her  ————  her  parents,  who  she  loved  regardless  of  the  stress  they  put  her  through,  director,  costars,  company,  etc.  jo  was  definitely  a  natural  when  it  came  to  acting.  she  knew  how  deliver  line  after  line,  emote,  and  successfully  pull  off   a  comedic  moment.  on  screen,  she  played  a  charismatic,  social butterfly,  which  was  the  exact  opposite  of  who  she  really was,  a  quiet,  nervous  girl  who  valued  her  privacy  and  just  wanted  to  live  a  normal  life.

which  began  to  take  it’s  toll  on  her.  the  older  the  she  became,  the  less  she  liked  being  seen  as  the  sweet  girl  next  door,  so  she  completely  had  a  breaking  out  of  that  mold  phase ( ala  like  miley  cyrus  or  britney  spears )  around  the  time  her  disney  show  came  to  an  end.  much  to  her  parents  dismay,  she  became  known  more  for  her  off-screen  antics  than  her  onscreen  one  &  definitely  kept  the  paparazzi’s  pockets  fat.  “jo  vasquez  spotted  (fill  in  the  blank  with  something  controversial)”  filled  the  pages  of  magazines  for  a  lot  of  her  17-18  years,  and  she  went  from  america’s  sweetheart  to  probably  one  of  america’s  most  hated lol.  it  had  a  negative  impact  on  her  career  as  well,  which  she  was  happy  about  for  awhile.  that  is,  until  she  realized  that  most  of the  money  she  made  as  a  child  was  collected  by  her  parents  &  not  her.

with  no  money  coming  in  &  the  relationship  with  her  parents  souring,  she  left  home  &  avoided  the  spotlight  for  around  three  years.  probably  lost  contact  with  a  lot  of  people  then  too.  she  thought  a  nice,  quiet  time  by  herself  &  without  paparazzi  following  her  24/7  would  be  healthy.  

&  it  was.  jo  used  the  last  bit  of  her  childhood  savings  to  fund  her  time  away,  but  with  money  tight ,  she  was  a  bit  unsure  of  what  was  left  to  do.  that’s  where  her  great  aunt  came  in.  her  great  aunt  had  gotten  rich  of  her  stocks  in  a  successful  makeup  line  when  she  was  in  her  late  30′s  ( something  that  joanna’s  parents  were  super  jealous  of ).  with  that  kind  of  money,  she  was  able  to  move  to  the  hills  and  purchase  a  beautiful  home.  joanna  had  met  her  only  once  or  twice,  but  there  was  definite  tension  between  her  parents  and  her  aunt.  the  only  thing  she  really knew  about  her  was  that  she  was  wealthy  and  lived  alone,  no  kids  or  significant  other. 

unexpectedly,  her  great  aunt  passed  away,  news  that  didn’t  reach  jo  until  she  got  a  letter  from  her  aunt’s  lawyer,  saying  that  since  her  great  aunt  didn’t  have  kids  &  didn’t  want  to  leave  her  belongings  to  her  niece  (  jo’s  mother  ),  she  had  left  everything  to  jo.  it  completely  caught  her  off  guard,  and  she  considers  herself  pretty  lucky.  

she  knew  that  she  couldn’t  stay  in  the  hills  forever  without  some  income,  and  because  she  feels  like  acting  is  what  she’s  best  at,  she  decided  to  contact  her  old  manager,  and  together,  they  came  up  with  a  plan  to  revive  her  career.

sooooo ,  now  she’s  back  in  los  angeles.  media  has  def  heard  of  her  return  (  apart  of  her  manager’s  plan  )  &  there’s  been  a  small  amount  of  buzz  around  it.  she’s  more  of  a  former  a-list,  so  she’s  really  not  that  in  demand.  however,  she  did  manage  to  land  a  supporting  role  in  a  major  blockbuster  (   something  like  a  marvel  movie  probs  )  so  she’s  hoping  that’ll  change  fairly  soon.

* PERSONALITY .

probably  fake  lol.  let’s  just  be  honest.  kinda  hates  the  celebrity  lifestyle  &  is  cautious  when  it  comes  to  other people  in  the  industry  so  yeah,  she’s  the  type  to  smile  in  your  face  and  then  glare  when  your  backs  turned.  she  knows  how  important  connections  are  in  this  business  &  word  travels  fast  so  she’s  probably  not  “real”  except  with  the  people  she’s  closest  to.  also  the  type  to  be  like  “OMG ofc  i  know  what  that  is. 😍  it’s  my  fave”  but  then  have  absolutely  no  clue  what  the  fuck  it  is  lmaoo  a  tragedy

she’s  a  hard  worker  &  def  a  perfectionist.  everything  has  to  be  perfect,  and  she’ll  do  as  much  as  she  can  to  get  it  right.  it’s  probs  the  reason  she  stuck  with  acting  b/c  the  trial  and  error  of  learning  something  new  would  be  way  too  much  for  her  lol.

but  also  enjoys  time  out  a  lil  too  much  prolly.  is  a  regular  to  night  life  &  partying  (  more  under  wraps  now  than  back  in  the  day  )  &  will  out  drink  just  about  anyone  you  know.  it  makes  her  a  bit  more  brave  &  she  believes   ppl  bare  their  souls  when  they’re  inebriated  so  it’s  easier  to  get  to  know  ppl.  what  a  weirdo.  also  partakes  in  her  fair  share  of  prolly  just  weed.  no  hard  drugs  tbh  she’s  not  the  one

your  average  gal  just  looking  to  have  fun ,  but  could  def  potentially  catch  feelings  that  she  would  deny  til  she  can’t  anymore  or  until  it’s  too late. 🤪  lowkey  wants  someone  to  just  sweep  her  off  her  feet,  but  she’s  blind  to  the  reality  that  she  always  be  making  things  complicated.

behind  the  facade,  she’s  a  bit  stubborn.  probably  also  a  side  effect  of  being  a  perfectionist  &  also  her  need  for  control  ( since  she  lacked  that  when  she  was  young )  so  be  prepared  for  that

* WANTED CONNECTIONS .

ok  but  plots  really  do  be  making  my  world  go  ‘round. 😳 i  love  em,  so  literally  hmu  with  anything  you’re  feeling,  and  i’ll  be  down.  just  wanna  plot  &  write  with  everyone 💕  but  here’s  a  couple  of  wanted  connections  for  y’all.  i’ll prolly  have  a  most  wanted  tag  sooner  or  later  &  i’ma  be  make  a  plot  page  soon. ��

best  friend  /  friend  group:  there’s  no  way  jo  could  function  without  friends,  so  pls  give  her  some  good  ass  platonic  tingz.  these  are  the  people  she  can  be  herself  around,  so  she  holds  them  really  dear.

people  from  the  past:  someone  she  knew  from  the  past.  could  be  friends,  enemies,  lovers,  costars,  etc.  she  didn’t  really  let  that  many  people  know  that  she  was  leaving  so  now  that  she’s  back  it  could  be  like  👀  dramatic.

unrequited love / crush:  these  are  fun.  joanna  doesn’t  really  know  how  to  handle  her  romantic  feelings  so  it’d  probably  be  her  getting  the  cold  shoulder .

hookups / fwb:  past,  present,  future.  fwb  would  probs  get  messy.  maybe  she  caught  feelings  or  sumn.

former  friends:  something  happened  &  they’re  no  longer  friends.  we  can  plot  it  all  out . :^)

childhood  friends  to  lovers  to  exes  that  ended  on  bad  terms:  saw  this  on  a  plot  masterlist  &  it  sounds  fun  so  i  thought  i’d  put  it  here lol.

literally anything  your  heart  desires: a  lot  could  work.  we  could  even  just  start  from  nowhere  &  have  them  meet  for  the  first  time  b/c  jo’s  only  been  back  for  a  couple  of  months.

So @racketballz made a post about how Butch seems to have a hyperfixation in relation to Buttercup. I had a lot of thoughts about this but I didn't wanna derail their post or anything so I cut and pasted the stuff here.

I wrote a long post about Butch's ADHD tendencies awhile ago, and it's sorta related to this one. I'll post the link in a reblog.

Ok, so for my purposes in this Butch + hyperfixation/ADHD post, it's kinda important to understand some of the mechanics behind why we can't focus on some things, yet experience hyperfixation, and what that looks like.

Ppl with ADHD don't have reward centers in the brain that function like neurotypical ppl's. Our reward centers are underactive. This means that it's harder for us to focus on certain things, cuz stuff that might give other ppl just a little feeling of accomplishment to make it worth it, gives us zilch. So when something is fun and interesting to us, we can finally get some of that dopamine and a sense of reward as we work/engage with it and it's easier to do so. When something is boring, it's much harder to ignore other stimuli in order to focus, and our brains go "NOOOOO this is excruciating, do something that makes us feel anything!" This is also why many of us need to listen to music or something in order to focus while doing homework/etc. We can trick our brain by giving it a bit of pleasure, while we do unrewarding but necessary tasks.

When we hyperfocus on something, and work on research or a project for an entire day without food, bathroom, or sleep, it's cuz weve found The Thing that feels extremely rewarding and good. And that's rare for us, so our brains tend to go into overdrive and ignore anything else that's less rewarding (like peeing, hydrating, eating, etc). Hyperfixation often comes with the desire to know everything about the subject of focus, to use all of one's mental resources learning about and experiencing said subject, cuz why would you not want to do that?

So how does this apply to Butch?

When he's not around her or doing anything in relation to her, he's generally bored af. There are times when it gets to the point where Brick considers his boredom dangerous. His interactions with Buttercup are definitely fueled by the reward centers in his brain, and dopamine, making her one of the few things he can really fully focus on, and enjoy doing so. We see this when he first starts trying to get her to fight him. He spends as much of his time as he can trying to piss her off, trying to get a reaction that he knows will make him feel, even if that feeling is just pain and adrenaline. Later, he finds out that other interactions with her (talking, hanging out, etc) also produce dopamine and good feelings, and that becomes a priority for him.

When he felt jealous of Mitch and wanted to know what she was like before the Boys returned, it was largely due to wanting to know the most about her and feeling left out and anxious about that. He realized that others knew sides of her that he didnt at all, and that was really distressing for him.

The thing about hyperfixating on a person that you know, is that their attention is extremely gratifying. In Butch's case tho, when others get more of her attention, it becomes a point of stress and jealousy. Hes also very protective of her and their relationship, as it is a big source of happiness for him (and one of the few non self-destructive ones). When others mess with her or she's in an awkward situation, he's quick to bail her out or rush in to fight alongside her.

I could absolutely see him being able to spend like 10 hours with her without eating or going to the bathroom cuz his brain is just like "nope this is the most important/interesting thing rn, don't do anything else". Like when he went through Mitch's photos and rewatched that video over and over again, even tho it hurt. That was definitely reminiscent of hyperfixation.

Tbh I think he goes further than even Boomer in some ways in terms of attentiveness and adoration of their respective love interests. Boomer is very fixated on Bubbles but consciously, he seems to focus more on how she makes him feel. Of course he wants to make her happy and protect her, but I think he's very much hooked on feeling loved as well. For him, when she's happy he doesn't question it or think about it, he just basks in it. On the other hand, Butch puts a great deal of energy into being sensitive and observant of how Buttercup feels. Part of this is cuz as someone with (headcanon) ADHD, it's hard for him to identify his own emotions and internal experiences. But part of this I think, is cuz he's so hungry for gentle contact and emotional intimacy with her, that he's just scared of spooking her off and ending that interaction. He knows she isn't too big on sharing feelings and quiet touches, so when he gets them, he's very finely attuned to what she wants and is comfy with.

It's so interesting to me, cuz Butch really is highly perceptive of other ppl's feelings and wants. He knows how Brick and Blossom feel about each other from relatively early on. I think maybe even earlier than Bubbles. Due to his (headcanon) issues with rejection sensitive dysphoria (mentioned in my other Butch ADHD post), he's almost always hyper-aware of the (perceived) reactions, feelings, and social cues of the people around him - even strangers. What makes his sensitivity to BC so unique, is the depth of his understanding, but also that he feels she's worth the effort of adjusting his behaviors to accommodate her needs and wants. That's something he doesn't do for anyone else. It's simply not rewarding enough for him to care. He knows what Brick wants from him, and he grudgingly obeys for a finite amount of time to avoid punishment, but he says that disobedience is always worth it. He knows what Blossom wants him to do when she tries to order him around, but he makes a point of doing the opposite. But Buttercup doesn't even need to voice what she needs from him, because he makes the effort to predict those needs and accommodate them. Her comfort and trust is rewarding enough for his reward-deficient brain that he does it without thinking. That's fucking profound.

In the most recent chapter when a guy sexually harasses her, he immediately jumps into throw down mode, even before she does. He reacts as viciously as she does, almost as if he was the one who was violated - except he probly wouldn't even react that strongly on his own behalf. Later that same chapter, only the thought of Buttercup's potential concern could make him stop dangling off the mall's second floor bannister. Racketballz' assessment that he doesn't care that much about himself, that she's his top and possibly only priority is no understatement.

I'm BEGGING you to expand on your hc that Regis and Lambert have adhd whenever you get the time

sorry this took so long anon!! i’ve been in a bit of a writing funk so apologies if this isn’t as robust of a set of hcs as i’d normally provide. but w/o further ado, here are some incredibly self-indulgent adhd hcs for regis & lambert: 

regis: 

perks of being near immortal: an inexhaustible amt of time to focus on hyperfixations!! being a scientist/medic sprouted from his newfound beneficent interest in humans /after/ his uhhh bad blood bender days. mandrake brewing and other forms of distillation came about later as an interest after he read an encyclopedia on brewing techniques & became intrigued™

stimming! we know the big one presented in tw3 (clutching the straps of his satchel), but i could see him having other stims, such as when he was younger & had longer hair; perhaps he played w/ or twirled his hair while pouring over books etc. 

in a modern au he’d 100% be the type to listen to a singular song on repeat for hours, if not days, humming the tune under his breath while doing mundane tasks 

two reading modes: voraciously reads whatever is put before him..... or takes 2 centuries to read (1) book he’s been carrying around. there is no middle lol. hc that he had a few manuscripts on witchers in his possession at the time he was traveling w/ the hansa that he had been carrying around for awhile, but never got around to reading them before his fate at stygga castle 

impulsivity--it might seem more tempered now that he’s older, but he still shows flashes of the brashness of his youth (i mean he did choose to follow geralt & company on an adventure w/o any preamble or explanation in the books so.......)

needs stimulation of some kind; otherwise, he’s prone to bouts of intense boredom. which is never good for higher vampires. at least regis has enough hobbies/general interests to keep him busy tho so he never /really/ feels the urge to fall into more... bad habits. HOWEVER, he also experiences times where he is overstimulated, in which case, he retires to a cold and dark place (hence the crypt) to regain control of his whirlwind thoughts/emotions. he can also be overstimulated by really large crowds, tho he still enjoys traveling to bigger cities since they usually have stores/books/ingredients he needs

chaotic workspace/alchemical bench when in the midst of research. it will seem too messy/unorganized for most ppl to work comfortably in, but it’s organized in a way that specifically caters to how regis categorizes certain ingredients, reagents, etc. 

when he’s having trouble concentrating, it becomes more difficult for regis to retain his usual corporeal ‘human’ form. he tends to shift into his incorporeal/’smoke’ form, if u will, especially when working in his study/lab bc his mind is racing as he makes observations, changes his hypotheses, makes notes, takes stock of ingredients/materials, etc. 

even alone, regis talks to himself. usually as a way to organize executive tasks & to plan them out accordingly. otherwise, he may drift from project to project or task to task w/o any logical progression or find himself distracted by something else in the midst of an important task he currently wants prioritized

passage of time problems. combined w/ his longevity.... regis is definitely the type to forget what month, season, or year he’s in if he gets too engrossed in a topic of study. 

lambert: 

textbook insomniac. he can meditate much better than he can fall asleep, but it still isn’t the same as actual sleep,,, which is bad™ when ur life/livelihood depends on being cognizant & aware of your surroundings 

stims w/ his witcher medallion. the vibration of the medallion against his sternum would usually agitate/worry other witchers, but the feeling/motion of it is actually soothing for lambert as it helps him focus on the task/contract at hand. 

rejection sensitive dysphoria is a big ol’ problem for him. it’s partly why he pushes ppl away on instinct. having someone close to him truly criticize him in a non-teasing or cruel manner? definitely hurts him much more than he’d ever admit or show outwardly. his emotional control/general understanding of his emotions is also quite dulled/poor even compared to geralt bc of his own self-hate (masquerading as narcissism) /and/ adhd, which makes his emotional outbursts even more explosive

a major hoarder. if u think geralt’s bad.... lambert is the epitome of a compulsive hoarder. he logically knows what stuff he can keep, what he can sell, what should be thrown away, but he has difficult getting rid of the stuff that’s ‘in-between,’ so to speak. things that /could/ serve a purpose in certain situations, but said situations are incredibly unlikely to occur. in truth, he may seem like a very well-prepared witcher to say a random peasant or villager due to the sheer amt of stuff he carries on his horse... but 98% of it are things that he will unlikely ever need  

will forget to eat and sleep if in the middle of an interesting contract. executive dysfunction definitely contributes to his ‘prickly’ mood/behavior since most of the time he isn’t eating or sleeping enough. which is why he is much more agreeable/calm when on the path w/ someone he gets along w/ (i.e., aiden in tw3) bc he has someone to remind him to eat or take a break 

textbook reading/academic-style learning is not his forte. he was an awful student at kaer morhen tbh. BUT, anything done by first-hand experience? he’ll be hard-pressed to forget it & can generally pick up new skills/trades much easier than even geralt or eskel. for instance, lambert is actually quite a good smithy/repairer & often does a better job repairing his own equipment than if he were to get a professional to do it.

along w/ this, he’s quite good at remembering personal details of others/things ppl tell him about themselves. he tries to hide how good his memory is in this regard, but for some reason biographical info of other ppl sticks much better in his brain than say a fictitious ballad. non-fiction > fiction, basically. 

physical activity of any kind can usually ground lambert when he needs to focus or wants to meditate/sleep/etc. he might go on a run if he’s stuck on a contract or needs to let out more energy  

has difficulty explaining himself/his actions especially when relating to contracts. he makes wild jumps in logic w/o explanation bc that’s how his brain works (not linearly from A --> B --> C but A --> C w/o the hassle of an extra hurdle). other witchers can usually understand his line of thinking, but when it comes to getting paid for his work... this can be a problem 

also shows passage of time problems but on a much smaller scale. has it been 10 mins or 4 hours since he started meditating? regardless, it’s getting dark now so he should probably stop 

difficult relaxing/always on-edge. drinking and playing gwent can help somewhat, but even if he’s doing something enjoyable, lambert is never really, truly relaxed. [insert image of computer w/ too many tabs open here] it’s something that vesemir noticed when lambert was young and tried to help him find an outlet/hobby to relax him.... which is where fishing ‘the witcher way’ comes in. nothing screams relaxing like throwing a bomb into a lake & diving into freezing cold water to pick up the fish to cook later for dinner, am i right? in vesemir’s defense, he did try & teach lambert to fish the ‘traditional’ way... but that didn’t really keep his attention