happy valentine's day everyone! day for you and your loved ones! <33

some body positivity from wingdings for this valentines day <33

(trust him, He’s a doctor!!)

it wouldn't surprise me that, despite sanji being the literal cook of the crew, he had an eating disorder (ofc trigger warning here for eds, child abuse, starvation and, y'know, sanji's background in general).

he experienced the most traumatic years of his life trapped inside a fucking cell, with a metal helmet around his head and only eating when his father let him. which was 'only when the kid needs it', probably. which leads to judge saying 'i couldn't even kill my son' and it can translate to 'at least i kept you alive'. and not to turn this into irl trauma, but abusive parents constantly use the 'keeping you alive and giving you food' excuse (the bare fucking minimum) to guilt trip you into thinking that they're good and that you're exaggerating how bad they treated you because, well, at least they kept you alive, didn't they?

so here, sanji sees food as a form of loving but in the sense of 'at least my dad didn't kill me. that's something'. so his vision towards food remains positive but only because of his mom. only because his love language is acts of service and his mom took everything he gave her, even if it was horrific, as a way of saying 'i love all of you. you're perfect because you tried and the fact that you brought me your food is enough to make me feel loved. you're not a mistake' despite his brothers and his father saying that he was, indeed, a mistake and weak for wanting to give food to others instead of just taking it for himself.

both ideas of 'someone who loves you wouldn't let you starve' and 'offering food to others is opening up your heart' coexist inside little sanji's brain.

so it wouldn't be crazy to think that, although sanji loves cooking and his best early memories of it are that book that kept him dreaming while he was locked up, and his mom's words, has a hard time eating food.

besides, sanji is used to giving, not taking. he's not selfish, but actually extremely generous to the point of forgetting about his own well-being. i don't think he actually thinks about how hungry he is until it hurts. until he needs it. he only ate whenever his father let him so he wouldn't starve, and the only thing that made him feel well about food was the fact that he could give it to the one he loved and needed it.

sanji doesn't have good experiences eating food, but only cooking it. it's a great representation of his personality as a whole, to be honest.

then the whole zeff thing happens, and he actually almost starves to death and learns what hunger feels like. but once again, zeff saves him and he's the one to be hungry for not letting the kid starve. which might seem similar to what judge did, but 'not letting you starve because i couldn't kill you' isn't the same as 'not letting you starve because i don't want you to die'. sanji learns the difference that day.

he didn't know somebody could be that kind. especially to him, someone who doesn't deserve it (he thinks he doesn't) because, in his house, love only came when you earned it.

and, you know, sanji's like that. sanji's selfless. sanji does everything for others. and so the guilt eats him up first. what zeff did is beautiful and amazing and we love him for it, but we don't know about how that affected sanji at a young age. which only makes him even more selfless and more of a better, kinder, generous person. and that might be bad, considering how little he thinks about himself already-

he learns that throwing away food is awful, and that you have to be grateful for being able to eat. grateful for living. so his don't-waste-food policy is obviously a big part of his personality due to almost dying of starvation and also owing his life to his dad (zeff, the real one, of course. fuck judge).

but that can almost be dangerous because refusing to waste food leads to forcing yourself to eat only because of his concept of what food means.

and then we have luffy in wci saying the whole 'i won't eat anything that you haven't cooked' which is precious and something very beautiful to say to your cook, but that only brings sanji back to 'starving is a form of loving' and 'you can't let someone you love starve'. and no matter how much he wants to force himself to push luffy away, he gives him food because he knows his captain will keep his promise.

sanji feels guilty, once again, but he ends up fixing it.

the thing is, after everything i've said, i don't think it would be weird to think about sanji viewing food as something external. something that isn't for himself. something that he only has control over because it's for others and not for himself, and it's a concept, a form of love, and not a need. because he does not feel hungry. when it comes to food, he feels responsibility and guilt and love... but never hunger.

hunger is, by all means, a form of selfishness sanji isn't used to unless his body is about to give up completely. he can eat out of pleasure and satisfaction and love for food, but he does it to train a selfless skill that may or may not also be selfish in the sense of 'wanting to be loved and useful'.

so here we have:

seeing food as a form of love because at least his dad wouldn't let him die, but he probably learned to push away the concept of hunger

seeing cooking as the most beautiful way of showing your feelings and efforts and taking care of people

not knowing the concept of hunger due to his own selflessness

scratch the first one, actually starving for others is a form of loving. he will never let the people he loves starve even if it means he dies in the process.

he can't waste food because that would be insulting and disrespectful. no matter the context.

and i'm just saying (and this whole thing is extremely self-indulgent and me projecting again and again) that it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had some issues when it comes to eating and making food for himself.

it's not that he thinks he doesn't deserve food, it's just the thought that he doesn't need it. going back to his past it could be seeing hunger as a form of weakness (not when it comes to others. never when it comes to others), both because of what his family taught him men should be like, and the fact that the manliest man he knows used starvation as a form of love.

so it's seeing hunger as something that makes you weak, but only when it comes to himself because of course, he wouldn't apply the same rules for him as for everyone else. he's just like that.

he thinks about others first, and himself second. always second. and the thought of eating and needing it only comes when it's too much. and when that time comes, the voices in his head tell him that he's weak. and again, i don't think he sees himself as undeserving of food because he has this whole thing about everybody deserving to eat. but he has never played with the same rules as the rest, always a few steps behind, so if he can't fight the thoughts in his head contradicting his morals, that's just how he is.

not to mention the 'don't waste food' part which also would make him feel guilty about not being able to eat if the thoughts of not deserving food and being weak for needing to eat become too much. he can't eat because he doesn't deserve it and because he's weak. and he can't starve, because that would mean wasting food.

so, you know, sanji is out of options here.

if some days sanji just casually decides not to eat- forgets to prepare himself a meal while his crew enjoys his food... that's just the way he is, isn't it? and if he lies about it, it's just another form of love, keeping them away from his problems.

besides, controlling hunger and controlling food is the only way he has to take control of his messy life. when something is out of reach, the unstoppable thing called life he has never been able to control, at least he can choose not to eat. he can choose to starve, this time, with the comfort of knowing he won't. he can choose not to eat this time, not like all of those times when food was controlling him instead.

at least the strawhats will never, ever, starve if he's around. but of course, nobody thinks about asking the cook if he wants to eat. that would be absurd. and it's impossible to think sanji would have some sort of issue with it! sanji, the cook, who keeps telling them not to waste food, not eating? that would be absurd and too selfless to make sense.

that's just the way he is.

hi amber! could i request something about harry helping reader through grief? if it's too heavy or triggers you in any way that's completely understandable and you don't have to write it! i just need some comfort right now, i lost my grandpa a month ago and i'm struggling a lot with it and i feel so lonely and like no one cares, so yeah... :(

thank you so much and i hope you're doing well! <3

Hi lovely, thank you for the request! I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is tough but take your time with it okay? It’s hard but I promise it gets better. I hope this brings you some comfort. And please know you are loved and cared for, sending you all the healing energy. All the love, A. xx

The safety of your arms

©️ please do not copy or translate my work.

Harry was a firm believer of the saying grief was love with no where to go. He knew you often overwhelmed yourself with such a thing, it tore him apart, it truly did. But now he was focusing on the fact that your grief was becoming unbearable… you had become more quiet. Less talkative. More emotional and very anxious. He always told you to talk to him and that if you needed him he would be right there, but you were afraid of bothering him but that morning- you awoke feeling worse than ever, the grief was getting to you, it felt like the weight of the world had been pressured upon your shoulders and here you were knees up to your chest as you stared down at the covers on your bed, tears streaming down your cheeks as your breathing grew heavier and heavier. Your chest was very tight and it was becoming increasingly more difficult to breathe

Your lower lip trembled, eyes wide, as your hand soon trembled towards your phone grabbing onto it and immediately calling Harry’s number. You and Harry were a couple but didn’t live together just yet, he had offered to stay with you, but you explained the fact that you needed time to grieve and he accepted that. Soft sobs left your lips your eyes squinting as you struggled to calm down “y/n? Hey… what’s up?” Harrys voice came through the phone, voice croaky and slightly raspy proving he had just woken up “h-harry… I-I need you… I-I cant do this anymore.” You sobbed out and the man’s heart instantly dropped into his stomach “oh y/n” he whispered, “hey… darling I need you to calm down. Breathe okay? I’ll be over in ten.” He spoke keeping the phone up to his ear as he threw on a random T-shirt and some navy blue shorts “Harry I cant do this anymore, I’m so scared… I miss him so much… I don’t know what to do. I miss him” you cried out to him your voice cracking over the phone as your sobs only grew heavier and heavier “I know baby… I know… I’m coming now okay? Keep talking to me sweetheart. You’re going to be okay.”

His words barely got through to you, you felt as if nothing would be okay anymore, and so you didn’t respond you just cried. Seconds turned into minutes and soon enough Harry had walked through the front door, hanging up, as he rushed into your bedroom. Your hair was a mess and your face was covered in tears- dry and new. You clearly hadn’t been taking care of yourself. The sight of you made his heart break. “Harry” you sobbed arms wide open, needing him, and he happily but sadly obliged as he got onto the bed beside you the bed dipping beside you, your arms wrapping around his neck as his arms smoothed around your waist pulling you into his chest- he slowly sat down, back against the headboard as he held you in his embrace- pressing soft kisses to your head as you sobbed into his chest your sobs breaking him, fingers curled into the material of his T-shirt your sobs only growing louder. “Shhh shhh… I’ve got you… I’ve got you… oh baby I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His hand snaked up and down your back slowly and gently as he gently tried to sooth you “shh my love… shh… I’m right here. I’m right here.” Your shoulders jerked with every sob that rocketed throughout you before an anguished scream left your lips, the scream muffled by his T-shirt, it wasn’t necessarily a scream- more so a yell of pure agony. You didn’t know how else to deal with these unbearable emotions and so you were letting these feelings out and Harry was allowing you to do just that,

“Let it all out… good job… you’re doing a good job sweetheart… you are… I’m so sorry baby. So sorry.” He whispered holding onto you tightly your sobs growing louder and louder, you were practically inconsolable, and soon enough you began to panic because you couldn’t suck in your breaths properly- hiccups leaving your lips, your lungs contracting harshly as you squeezed your eyes shut, hands gripping onto his T-shirt “I-I-I can’t breathe- I can’t…” you could though, you just felt as if you couldn’t due to the panic and pure grief you were going through. You needed support. “Hey hey… baby… baby…” his hand caressed against your cheek making you look at him “focus on your breathing… hey… focus… you’re breathing. You’re okay. Listen to me sweetheart… hey…” he looked deeply into your eyes before he gently grabbed your hand placing it down onto his chest allowing you to feel his heart before he began to slowly exaggerate his breathing, attempting to get you to follow his breaths, “I love you so much darling. Love you so much… just breathe okay? I’m here for you.. right here…” your eyes, full of trust and desperation, gazed into his eyes fearfully your grief stricken gaze breaking his heart “I-I’m so scared” you whimpered out and he shushed you gently “I know you are but you’ve got no reason to be scared darling… I promise… I’m here. Right here. Shhh.” He ran his fingers through your hair as he gently and slowly rocked you back and forth in his embrace “I-I- don’t leave me… please.” You whispered out and he shook his head “won’t leave you. Im staying I promise.” His fingernails gently scratched against your back in a soothing manner, before he slowly lifted his hand up to cup against the back of your head, scratching your scalp slowly and gently trying to sooth you, your head coming to rest against his chest as he continued gently scratching your head soothingly your sobs continuing but little by little your sobs slowly began to die down,

“That’s it… good… good.” He soothed quietly as he pressed soft kisses to the top of your head “you’re okay… you’re okay…” he held you close to his chest as you whimpered quietly. “I miss him…” you whispered and he nodded “I know darling. I know. You’re allowed to miss him. You’re allowed to be sad. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to not be okay…” he soothed to you gently as he rubbed up and down your back slowly and gently “let me take care of you… okay? Let me take care of you… you don’t have to do anything anymore… let me look after you, yeah?” And as you nodded weakly he pressed a kiss to your head, soothing you lovingly “I-I feel like no one cares for me Harry… I’m so sad… I don’t know how to do it anymore.” You sniffled weakly and he nodded, trying to show you that he understood you “I understand darling… but listen to me… please. Y/n…” he cupped your face in his hands your chin resting against his chest, eye to eye as he looked deeply into your eyes “you are so loved…” he spoke to you quietly before leaning in, lips pressing against your forehead “so loved… I care for you… you have so many people that care for you. I promise you. You’re so important…” he stroked his thumb against your cheek gently and lovingly “you’re very loved.” He studied your eyes attempting to get it through to you that you were loved. That even if it was difficult you mattered and were very important. He soon fell silent just holding you in his embrace, allowing the silence to wrap around you both as he rocked you back and forth in his embrace staying quiet for a while until eventually he spoke to you quietly,

“Want me to run you a bath?” He asked gently and very softly and you just weakly nodded “yeah? Okay sweetheart.” He murmured gently “please don’t let go of me.” You begged out and he shushed you keeping a hold of you “I won’t my love… I won’t….” He held you close to his chest “bath later…” you whispered and he nodded his head “okay darling… okay… that’s okay.” He murmured softly rubbing up and down your back slowly and gently “if you want to sleep you can… I’ve got you… it’s okay. You’re safe with me.” He pressed multiple kisses to your forehead, arms squeezing around you as he held you close his arms tight and loving around you. “You don’t have to do this by yourself sweetheart… please let me help you, okay?” You nodded snuggling into his embrace and he simply held you, loving on you, pressing soft kisses to your forehead every now and then as you began to rest in his embrace. He hummed a soft tune to you, a random tune, no specific tune just a random one to sooth you and it certainly helped. Your breathing became a lot calmer and now you were half asleep on his chest

“Love you so much” you muttered out gently as he stroked his fingers through your hair “love you just as much. Forever and always.” He murmured softly not daring to let go of you and just like he promised: he took care of you. He pampered you and loved on you as best as he could, whilst also getting you out of the house, buying you flowers and chocolates to try and make you smile again. Your happiness was important to him and he wanted you to be okay… it was tough… it always would be… but grief took its time. And he wanted you to know that you had to let it take its time… it was torturous, and exhausting but soon enough it would become easier. It might take years…. Months… or never… but I promise you… one day it’ll all become a whole lot easier.

Be kind to yourself. You matter. You’ll get through this. As Harry would say: we’ll be alright<3

i have this insanely good fic idea but its way past my bedtime.. tomorrow we write

My heart is full of so much love and joy :) feel so much like "i am happy because everybody loves me" by louis wain rn

ari !! ari i hope u are doing so so amazing n vibing and living ur best life, i feel like i haven’t been interacting as much these days so i wanted to stop by n say hi!! :] and hmmm ive yet to read your best friend’s brother fic but it made me wanna think of an unrequited love between best friend!satoru and you where satoru is the one down horrendous instead (and perhaps you’re already spoken for.. mayb with sugu…. this is totally not ari-specific bait) i would love to hear your thoughts on our special little loverboy not being loved back in the ways he wants so bad )): 🫶🏼 side note if i think abt this pining bestie!gojo too much i get so sad i fear he’d never get over that crush on you even if you were already married to someone else… 💔💔💔💔

LOGAN !!!!! ^ this is me @ you rn……. i am kissing you and biting you gently <33333

I’M DOING PRETTY WELL… flowers r starting to bloom over here which is so nice !!! i’m just kind of waiting for summer ….. i have so many fic ideas that i wanna get to but not enough time :’3 not to mention my neglected tbr………

bUT overall i’m doing well!!! i hope it’s the same for you!!!!! it’s so sweet of u to drop by sniffle…. but pls don’t ever feel pressured to !! i saw that post you made a couple days ago n pls just know there’s never any pressure or obligation for you to interact often and stuff!!!! i’m always happy to speak to you whenever, so there’s never any rush <33 (i totally get it too… i’m pretty sure i have the online status thing turned off which takes off a lot of that pressure so!! i recommend doing that if you haven’t already <33)

BUT OKOK. onto the good stuff!!!! logan…. this probably doesn’t come as too much of a surprise considering the fic i posted but . i rlly love the unrequited love trope!!! >:3 i used to be the biggest sucker for hanahaki aus…. still am……. i need to write smth on it at some point bc i think it’s one of the best things ever created (and it’s perfect for toru let’s be real… the flower symbolism)….. SO. scenarios like this are very appealing to me!! and with bestie!satoru too…….. i have many thoughts >:33 let’s see how long i manage to stay coherent hehe

FIRST OF ALL. the ari specific bait…… you little weasel (affectionate) OK BUT . the fact that it’s Suguru in Particular changes a lot i think. i’ll circle back to that later tho trust 🙏

okay so. overall!! and i’d love to know your thoughts on this logan….. i firmly believe that satoru is the type to love one single person for the rest of his life. he never moves on from them. once someone has earned his love and nestled their way into his heart they’re there to stay. (and i’d argue that it’s kinda supported by canon yk… satoru hanging on to his memories of youth/suguru no matter how much time passes :’3)… so!! yeah!!! i definitely think he’d stay in love with his bestie forever, even if he knew fully well his feelings wouldn’t be returned. that’s just my take though!!!

i thinkkkk the tricky part is just. how satoru feels about it. a part of me wants to say that he handles it decently, that he’s happy just to be around you… but i think it’s also natural for him to feel a little empty about it all. bc he truly is!! a loverboy!!! deep down he yearns so badly for intimacy :(((( satoru is just such a pro at isolating himself and i think it gets worse in this kind of scenario. he loves you but does keep a certain distance i think…. to make it easier for himself and also so he doesn’t mess anything up for you. but he can never keep himself away for too long……

ok so we’re circling back to sugu now. i think satoru would handle the situation a lot better if suguru and you were together. my stsg-infested brain just can’t imagine an au where he isn’t at least a little bit in love with suguru…. and i think seeing two people he loves and trusts with all his heart be together doesn’t bother him nearly as much as it would have if you were with a random third party. there’s this One quote i like from . um….. a voice actor. of a character. in… ohshc 👉👈 AND I JUST THINK IT FITS IN THIS SCENARIO OK…….. :’3

I think Kyoya is very much in love with Tamaki and with Haruhi. He’s very much in love with the both of them. And I think it matures to a point where he would much prefer to see the both of them together than him with either one. Because they make more sense together than he makes with anybody else.

i think that’s sort of how he’d feel!!! there’s a kind of maturity there that satoru has imo. and since he’s so close to both of you, he doesn’t have to worry about being pushed out of your life (which might be his biggest worry in a scenario where you’re together with a random third party)…… so. yeah!!! would it be angsty? yes ofc. but i rlly do see satoru as a mature character, and also often selfless!!! he just respects you and your choices so much :(((

……….. what i will say. is that if you happened to get together with someone who didn’t treat you well. he would Shut That Shit Down instantly <3333 we love angry protective satoru !!!!!!!!

You know that post about the sad pathetic wet meow meow pharmacist that's crying cus you're not taking headache meds?

That's me.

About my fics. So it's like....

I can't draw on my phone

the girls that get it, get it

just a small update bc i havent been here in a while !! FATHER !! I AM IN LOVE !! and i have,, written,, love letter,, do you think people still like love letters ??

Ooooh, romantic! Good fer you, kiddo!! :]

But take good care o' yerself an' focus on you first, alright?

boy moms have asked my mom multiple times when we were kids how she could be happy without sons and how could she not still want one. one even asked if they put us in a nice school because they didn’t have boys. how are you not raising a menace to girls when you’re this hateful of little girls as a “mother” and a female yourself?like what are you getting from your son that you think is so special?

.

thank you gamers for existing! happy new year!! May 2023 treat all of you with kindness