#story time with SAS
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The Caterpillar Game
A fun way to fuck up your kids
And me trying to distract myself.
I always kind of wondered when my OCD started.
Was I born this fucked up? (Science says no)
Or was it something else? Something that happened to me?
I have a wedding in about... two weeks? I'll be attending in a dress, unfortunately, which means doing my eyebrows so I look presentable.
During the pandemic lock downs, I had to learn to do my eyebrows myself, and I'm actually really pleased to say that I'm pretty okay at it now?
Having neat eyebrows doesn't do much to help me look more masculine, but it's important, because my OCD really likes to show itself through trichotillomania.
Hair pulling.
For me, it's hair on my face, specifically chin and neck, and I'll pick and pick and pick until I'm bloody. This has gotten worse since covid because unless you're waxing and threading consistently, there's always hair there, ripe for the picking.
But I've managed, and my bank account has thanked me.
It's not perfect, though, so with a wedding looming just around the corner, I've been letting everything grow. That way, a professional can reshape my brows and then I'll repeat for another two years until I make them wonky and I'll repeat this process.
But as I sit here, struggling against every fibre of my being that tells me to pick, I wonder where this started.
How to play
Growing up, my aunt liked to play the caterpillar game.
The rules are simple.
Smack the forehead of people with a unibrow to kill the caterpillar.
There's no winning. Just smacks. Until you die.
The first time I remember this happening was when I was 6 or 7. By 8, I was threading with my mom when she would go.
My cousin, my aunt's daughter, has ruined her eyebrows. They don't grow anymore? They're very, very thin. The style of the time, but something she regrets.
Sometimes, I wonder why she doesn't struggle like I do, and then I remember that she probably is, just in different ways. At least I still have eyebrows, even if my brain wants them gone.
She has her own kids now, but they're both boys, and I hope she doesn't have anymore.
I hope she doesn't have a girl.
I hope the caterpillar game dies with us.
#personal experience#story time with SAS#Trichotillomania#ocd#actually ocd#actuallyocd#actually traumatized#adding just to clarify#this is trichotillomania not dermatillomania#when i say pick i mean pick at the tiny fuzz hairs but they're so short and fine that'll the result looks like derma
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2/2 "gift"
#happy 2/2 people enjoy#[shuts off my phone and opens p3r]#albeit im posting this according to japanese time because im too excited to sit on it more...#this is actually based on a real story i bought a pomegranate two weeks ago and found out it was rotten when i tried to peel it i was so sa#shuake#ren amamiya#goro akechi#persona 5#persona#fanart#my art#comic
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like maybe I am just kooky silly goofy but maybe it's a little alarming how often racist and misogynistic voices uncritically get elevated in fan spaces as long as they agree on TV adaptation show bad. can we think for a second that maybe those people dislike the adaptation for very different reasons than just being really passionate about the core themes of the source material? and that blandly regurgitating rote talking points on a soapbox while uncritically examining who you are sharing the platform with is. Bad.
#like if i have to hear 'they didnt like the source material' one more time#with no examination of a) who said that about the writers and what motivation did theh have#and b) if true what things did they dislike#because 'we disliked that the story had so much SA and want to tone that down' for example hits different#the witcher
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its like if youre gonna use sa as a repeat Thing that happens in your story, thats more or less an inescabable thing for the characters (particularily women) in it then one would hope you as the author would have like something to say about the subject. like maybe a point to make about it or the lasting trauma of it or the process of recovering from it. if the characters it keeps happening to just sort of freak out and then move on OR their struggles with it are off screen while the actual assault was shown in full detail then idk. is it worth putting in there? death and hell on you as a writer
#its like. hmmmm. how do i say this with out people getting mad. im even like more forgiving Personally of stories that do overuse sa and do#misshandle it at times that still OCCASIONALLY or Generally have like something insightful or compassionate to say about survivors and the#aftermath of that trauma. like even something like berserk for example#but when has ARAKI ever ever in his life written something compassionate and insightful in regards to sa. even fugos backstory which is lik#the bare minumum wasnt written by him. like its just a Thing he throws at WOMEN and goes anyway lets move on#the same way he throws idk. getting beat up by bullies at men. like hey i dont think he understands the difference…
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Thinking about how when Zuko walks through the earth kingdom pretending to be as a refugee and some people notice his eyes but honestly they're not the first thing you notice given the scar and the fact he doesn't let many people near him. No while some of the towns have people who sneer most look on with pity. People like Song and her mother, Lee and his family see the scar and see how the fire nation attacks and maims children. And the worst part is Zuko has little to combat that with because it's true but he's not ready to hear that.
Other assumptions are of course that he's a bastard of some solider with bad luck. That his mother was forced into having him and may the poor woman rest in peace... and later him realizing how true that was of Ursa. What really sets her apart from any of the earth kingdom common women forced into mockery of relationships or forced to sleep with soldiers to stay alive? Maybe the threats were more veiled but it boils down to the same ultimatum.
#atla#anyways i think Ursa gets a lot blame for things she couldnt really control#she was stolen from her home#forced into a marriage and to have children and then forced to see those children hurt#and thats without thinking about how Ozai probably treated her#behind closed doors#read one story where Azula grapples with the fact that Ursa had a lot more trauma by the time she was born and#just the concept of “i dont know how much of it im responsible for... but know it wasnt your fault#ugh gets me#allusions to rape#cw rape#sa#rape#cw sa
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"Will you ever tell me a story?"
He scoffs, a wisp of a shadow flicking across his form. "Why should I?"
The boy grins while tucking himself deeper into the roots, the gap in his teeth on full display. "Well! You must have something to tell!"
"I do not."
"Oh. Are you sure?"
The shadow turns to face Dream with a disapproving look, which does nothing to dampen the younger's smile. Though, he stops pushing and closes his eyes, his thoughts quieting.
When the boy has almost lulled himself to sleep, a hushed voice speaks to the night. "...Once, there was a sacred tree. And for the tree, a guardian to protect and care for it. This guardian was named Nightshade..."
---
Seven Apple Seeds by @calcium-cat
#kickspost#OMIGOFF WE FINALLY GET TO POST THIS#we absolutely didnt forget that nm cant get into the barrier no sir#maybe this is an ending scene#an epilogue of nms tale#thinking about them always#even throughout writing our research paper...#but anyway#SAS#seven apple seeds#dreamtale au#undertale au#papple art#so much to say#so little time#GOSH WHAT IF RIGHT BEFORE NM GETS TO TELL HIS STORY THE OTHER GODS COME OUT#BECAUSE THEY HEARD SOMETHING FISHY WAS GOING ON#gahhhh dont mind me
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his body language is so important to me
#i move like this#and also like. my instinct as a teen was to be effeminate and prancy (in an awkward way lmao hence why i love lucius so much) but then i sa#myself and deemed that everyone around me was just seeing those mannerisms as ~girly~ and i stopped#and i didn't know what all that was about obviously#although it was the exact age when i was maybe the closest#well that's enough about my bittersweet queer origin story#i should make a lucius spriggs having a bad time compilation (pretty sure i'd have half the material already)#lucius spriggs#ofmd#my gifs#buttons
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BELOVED - 1998
#jonathan demme#thandie newton#oprah winfrey#kimberly elise#beloved#toni morrison#underrated af#came out at the wrong time#ahead of its time#plus the trauma in this movie is the heaviest I've ever seen for specifically black generational trauma#the story SPOILERS...#enslaved black woman played by Oprah#named Sethe#murders her infant child born of SA#is later haunted by a haint/ghost/spectre of the child played by Thandie#another spooky black southern gothic movie#that isn't talked about as much as Eve's Bayou#paul newman said it was the best movie he'd ever seen#but it was predictably snubbed at the oscars#tough watch darkly beautiful#A+ aesthetic and performances#halloween reflections of blackness#black american gothic#the book is better of course#but the movie is good
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I don’t think it makes sense to assume that Jason was mocking Mia’s past. At all. The thing that got jason painted as violent back in the 80s was his anger against rapists…how does that turn into mocking a victim? and that entire story was written by winick. Do we honestly think winick intended to communicate that? The same writer who made Jason’s first kill a man who was trafficking children? Who had Jason pause in his mission of madness to make sure those kids were found by the right people so they wouldn’t be in further danger?
#let’s knock on our skulls and kick our brains back into gear okay?#you can maintain that it wasn’t well executed or that the role mia played here bothers you#but you can’t say jason was mocking her for that or even seriously trying to hurt her physically#he was bsing like 90% of the story with his constant ‘we should all kill anyone who inconveniences us! speedy and GA should try to kill me#if they want to win’ like we understand that yes?#but that last part of his convo with Mia was the one serious part#he was wrong! of course he was wrong about ollie. but this was also Jason’s first time meeting ollie#it was ridiculous and unnecessary on his end and it put mia thru the emotional wringer for nothing#but that wasn’t the Intention. it was a stupid thing done by someone who never expected anything to come of it but still said what *to him*#was a way of offering advice#and as for the ppl who go ‘stop reaching abt jason being a victim and just read Mia instead’#a) there’s more to Mia’s character than her past. anyone who thinks that fits Jason’s past wouldn’t necessarily like mia bc they’re not the#same character#it’s the same way that if jason was confirmed to have been a victim of SA as a kid then all of Mia’s fans wouldn’t love him like they love#her? this is common sense. anyways stop being assholes online and just recommend characters too ppl nicely#b) more than one character can have experienced a similar form of abuse. also common sense#c) it’s not an unreasonable hc#d) it doesn’t hurt you personally. none of this killed your grandma#once again: hate whoever you like but choosing the interpretation that doesn’t make sense just to make up a#‘valid’ reason is serious loser behaviour
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as a CSA survivor and pwDID i found the premise of HZ015 to be kind of mortifying. i don’t know how intentional or unintentional it was, but the imagery of an adult man luring a young girl into an alleyway, wiping her memories/fogging her brain and in the midst of that, stealing something she was wearing on her body, and then pretending to be a good guy and walking off leaving her with amnesia, confused and alone, is like. it’s a lot actually.
and i’m incredibly emotional about liko being able to reconnect her memories through sprigatito, and the adults rushing and doing their best to save her, and the first faces she sees after all of it are roy and dot’s… shit makes me want to cry dude, HZ015 and HZ016 mean so much to me i think about them a lot. seeing liko get help. seeing so many people worry about her. she’s not alone even if she temporarily can’t remember. and then she’s even able to rescue what was stolen. symbolically i just. Sobs in a puddle. this post is getting incoherent
#kiki was here#kiki.txt#csa tw#sa tw#ive wanted to mention this a long time but didnt have the courage#doing it now though#to be clear i dont think its literally a story about sa#not asserting spinel Did That#i just mean i relate to the themes and imagery as an sa survivor#horizons
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It's strange how hated Loghain is in the fandom but how loved Cullen is.
Loving Loghain elicits disgust from most people, while loving Cullen is generally accepted. Even though both of them have committed horrendous crimes. But the difference is that Cullen is constantly coddled by the fans and the devs.
Whereas Loghain is not, you can give him a punishment that fits his crimes. The "best" case scenario for him is getting forcefully conscripted into the Grey Wardens and getting shipped off to Orlais, of all places. The "worst" - well, you get to literally behead him, in front of everyone attending the Landsmeet and no one will oppose you except Anora who just got sprayed by a gallon of her father's blood.
Meanwhile you can't even be particularly rude to Cullen, let alone call him out on his bullshit. And he is never truly faced with consequences for his genuinely abhorrent actions. Also the "redemption" he gets is frankly nonexistent.
Yeah Loghain was a main villain...but so was Cullen...?? Did his fans collectively forget about that?
Yeah Cullen has a tragic backstory...but so does Loghain? Does that excuse their actions? No, but a whole lot of Cullen fans try to bring all that into a conversation when someone criticises their fave.
So allow me a similar luxury. Not to excuse Loghain's actions of course but to get on even footing with everyone trying to wave away Cullen's crimes via invoking the power of a tragic backstory:
During the Orlesian invasion Loghain's family lost their farm due to increasing taxes, essentially making them homeless.
The resistance they put up was futile in the face of the Orlesian soldiers who easily overpowered them and subsequently made Gareth and Loghain watch them violate Loghain's mother before brutally murdering her.
After fleeing Oswin, they were on the run until Maric unknowingly lead the Orlesians into their camp. Loghain ran away with him, however to buy them time, amongst others Gareth sacrificed himself.
Loghain had no siblings and both his parents were dead at this point.
He had that whole situationship with Rowan that he could not realistically pursue in good conscience as she was betrothed to Maric. This put a strain on Loghain's relationship with them both.
In 9:25 Dragon, Maric disappeared. Loghain tirelessly searched for his closest friend for two years.
Shortly after, in 9:28 Dragon, Loghain also lost Celia, his wife.
I'd say he lived around 80% of his life in utter misery. Not that it nullifies anything vile he has done but since so many people love to bring up Cullen's past while defending him...
So let's not be hypocritical.
Either be hellbent on hating Cullen too- or have mercy for Loghain as well.
#dragon age#dao#da2#dai#loghain mac tir#anti cullen#cullen critical#its not even just cullen pissing me off atp its this weird fucking attitude the fandom has where most people love cullen#even though he has commited literal atrocities#yet loghain is vehemently hated#im not saying he should be loved by all and he has done nothing wrong but holy shit#most people foam at the mouth when its time to kill him yet protect cully wully with everything they have :|#cw: sa#also im not saying loghain got a redemption arc cause like...he didnt but also he was pretty much written out of the story?#save for a possible cameo in dai
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#sas: rogue heroes#sas rogue heroes#paddy mayne#jack o'connell#my stuff#funny story: the first time I missed “used to read Eoin poetry” bit and discovered it after a couple re-watches#paddy x eoin#sasrhedit
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What did you have for lunch aaj??
DRAMA
#(detailed in out trio gc in insta but lemme give short story time hehe)#so I CAME HOME FAST FAST THINKING TO GET TO EAT PASTA I DIDNT EAT IN MORNING#turned around mummy didint knew i didnt ate and gave to to my braother#so me got sad and angy#hangry tbh#plus dhoop and exams and drive aaaaaa#then said ki eat leftovers#or will make that sooji ka chilla types#i didnt want to either eaither#so she got angry said jo khana kha le krke#and few shit#i got angryyhdhfg#lmao#gc has it all#and then#i went bath#mummy brought bread#so i made bread and omlete#then was still more hungry#and got lazy#so ate leftover friend rice garam krke thoda sa#and pani#and coldrink#and ek cupcake#and yep thats it#phir main soo gya#(sSHORT SHE SAID)#raghav<33
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The Dragon and The Reaper, part 2. 🎶
#the ward legacy#the ward legacy: spoilers#simblr#sims screenshots#ts4 story#ts4 alpha#ts4#alphasims#alphacc#Christian Ward#Hayle Ward#the rest of the pose set I was tesitng tbh#and I do like seeing them together like this sa well#with Chris in his merman form#as mentioned#we do not see it all that often#and to have them enjoy some them time#is something I will always enjoy#so you get some more
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"fear and revulsion arent the same thing" not even a full minute into this horror review n i already need to kiss this reviewer like you kiss a chef for making a good meal
#analiceoriginal.txt#like no LITERALLY!!! LITERALLY THATS THE ISSUE I HAVE W EVERYTHING PPL PRAISE FOR HAVING SA IN IT#you can make horror based on the horrors of real abuse!! i can also count on one hand how many stories actually know how to do this#thats my damn issue w b.orrascas ending its pure revulsion.theres barely any horror of reality in it its just a compilation of disgusting#stuff mislabeled as scary.this isnt horror of how awful the world is its just a compilation of 'isnt this fucked up? isnt this fucked up?'#yeah dude it is.specially fucked up this is obviously only happening this extremely bc you cant write lmao.#promise its the last time i talk abt that story.sorry the start n middle r just so good then its so fucking bad
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stan culture has fostered such an incredibly greedy and competitive atmosphere where you’re so desperate for any attention online that you lose any and all basic empathy you might’ve possessed at some point
#im just fucking disgusted right now#we may be dealing with sa allegations and all these fucks care about is stupid fucking stan wars#omg red bulls downfall!!! who the fuck gives a shit right now there is an actual person whose life will never be the fucking same#i feel nauseous bc this isn’t even the first time#you’ll have a story come out about someone being sa’d or assaulted or overdosed or harmed in any way and the internets first fucking#reaction is to meme it? is that really where we are as people#everyone’s scrambling to make tweets or trying to be the first one to condemn someone not because they give a shit but because they want#those likes and retweets#is this how low we’ll sweep for some fucking attention that doesn’t even fucking mean anything
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