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stardew-bajablast · 3 months

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can 2024 be the year we stop calling stay-at-home moms stupid for being ‘financially dependent’ and risking being trapped in abusive relationships, and instead start addressing why there are no social safety nets in place for people who choose to leave the workforce to raise their children

#i’m so tired of the way everyone talks about this issue #like no it actually is really fucked up that doing something which is a net positive for society (raising children)#can put someone in a potentially devastating and life ruining situation #tradwife discourse #stay at home mom #stay at home parent #feminism #anti capitalism #capitalism #star rambles

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xmamaunicornx · 10 months

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#lol #homeschool #ron swanson #ron swanson quotes #parks and rec #stay at home mom #stay at home parent #parenting memes #parenting #i do what i want

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earianne · 4 days

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If I had spent half as much of the time I did numerating about a “beautiful natural, pain-meds-free birth, in a golden hot tub in the middle of a mountain surrounded by goddesses” (as social media will have you believe - more on that later) instead on postpartum, maybe I wouldn’t feel like I’m being “hit by all the things, all at once?” (r. 1) as one does when one has a baby.

Before getting pregnant, I did a whole lot of C-section-Avoidance Preparation. Social Media promises that if you “do this! It’ll only cost you $$ to find out what this is!” and get past all the gate-kept secrets that You, too! can have the perfect, “beautiful natural, pain-meds-free birth, in a golden hot tub in the middle of a mountain surrounded by goddesses.”

Okay, but if you’re broke, you can try and drink this, eat that, practice these meditations, do these stretches, and learn all there is to know about the nuances of maternal medicine so that you can “stand up” to the doctor and nurses who will certainly usurp all power over you! Oh, and if you don’t have this birth, it is entirely your fault or that of your doctor’s.

I had a moment when I did blame myself and my doctor for the way my baby was born. It was hard to accept a major abdominal surgery & birth all at once!

But, as it happened, there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. And it saved both of us from a very dangerous situation.

I’m not saying I followed my doctor blindly - there was indeed a time that I stuck my heals in the ground and it was good I had! However, doctors have years of experience, education, training - and me? Although I know myself and my body and I do have a strong intuition, I am no match against the strides modern medicine has made in maternal health outcomes over the past 50 years. At some point, I had to let go of the Social Media Knowledge I had collected and trust my very skilled, very educated, very trained, doctor.

What I could have spent more time studying and preparing for was the marathon that is having a baby.

A marathon that starts off with no sleep, outside the home, with the need for time to heal and recuperate.

A marathon where, in the place I live, doctors are not keen to be found. Yes, you can seek out help for specific issues, but you don’t have monthly check-ins from an expert like you do when pregnant. You don’t have books and pamphlets handed to you about what to eat or do or what to expect.

It’s hard.

I thought my baby would sleep 12 hours through the night and have 1-3 long naps without me needing to hold her. During that time, I would do what I normally do (whatever that was, months ago). Now, I sit here hurriedly typing my thoughts as a way to journal because I don’t have a free hand to write, pen to paper, anymore. I make the decision to take a rest or read my book while I’m holding my sleeping baby.

My freedoms were so blissfully unaware of their demise.

To be clear: I love being a mother, I just wish I hadn’t social-media’d away all of my pregnancy to a moment in time when I would have to rely on medical professionals anyway and instead spent it preparing to be the mum I wanted to be.

r.1 ↓

#momlife #motherhood #mom rant #moms of tumblr #momblr #moms #stay at home mom #sham #stay at home parent #giving birth #parenthood #pregnancy #pregnant #pregnancy blog #mom friend

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cult-of-artemis-and-athena · 2 months

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Did feminism unintentionally create married single moms??

Feminism isn't one thing. There are many flavors of feminism, some that completely contradict others on points. If your flavor of feminism doesn't promote what I'm charging "feminism" with, then I'm not talking about you, but what I'm about to describe is a rather prominent line of thought across many types of feminism.

Feminism may have painted itself into a corner with respect to family and childrearing.

Some of the strains around the second wave were not concerned or actively hostile toward these things. This was either, at best, because they were intended for a politically or earnestly Sapphic audience, or at worst, because they were reactionary and/or anti-natalist and misandrist. There was some controversy in the second wave as to whether a SAHM could even be a feminist, for example.

In my last post, I said the push for women to enter the workforce wasn't accompanied by a complementary movement to bring men into the home.

We go forward two waves to The Current Year, and while there are some feminists who view (voluntary, non-Blood-And-Soil, non-theocratic) tradwifery as a valid choice for women and not "taking women back 100 years", if we're being perfectly honest, I think a lot of feminists recoil at the idea of being a SAHM or view it as a choice for some-women-but-not-me. Secretly they have some contempt for those women. It's framed often as "It's valid and feminism is about choice but personally, I would be so bored. I don't want to waste my potential," (or similar statements) which unintentionally frames being a SAHM as something good for boring women without a lot of aspirations or things going for themselves, but not smart and interesting women with potential.

In the manosphere, I've seen being a SAHM framed as perfect for women because it's intellectually undemanding, and that women are low-intelligence and never mentally develop beyond adolescence, by nature, so they can do tedious tasks and spend all their time around children without wanting to blow their brains out like an Alpha Male would want to because he's too smart and has better, more important things to do.

Sometimes tradcons couch this a bit more gently, that "Why would women rather submit to their boss who doesn't care about them, but not submit to their husband who loves them?" It's still acknowledging that they view this as a one-way power dynamic where one person is important and the other person is not, and the full-time parent is the one that is the lesser. "Women wouldn't be so mentally ill and stressed if they just stayed home and had kids," which is still framing stay-at-home parenting as something for mentally fragile, neurotic people who can't cut it in the "real world".

The same logic is used by those men to shit on men who do chores and childcare in a significant capacity, or those who are or aspire to be SAHDs -- that those men are wasting their potential, lazy, weak, incompetent, pushovers bullied by their wives, etc.

(What an odd thing for them to say...)

Feminists generally perpetuate the same beliefs, albeit couched in different language.

If we're the type of woman to grrr at the idea of being a SAHM, we need to examine what part of that we're grrr-ing at.

Is it because it was de-facto compulsory in the past and we've adopted a sort of inter-generational trauma, so we say "Never again!" and are reflexively avoiding anything that looks like it could turn into a slippery slope?

Is it because we associate it with necessarily being shackled to a domineering and insensitive patriarchal figure who barely treats us like a real person?

Is it because we dislike the lame-ass, square, hokey-dokey, pastel-colored, squishy, cow-eyed - or maybe even cheugy - aesthetics of marriage and/or motherhood we inherited from the Victorians and see reinforced by Mormon and Evangelical influencers?

Is it because some of our childhoods were actually kind of fucked up and something adjacent to motherhood is severely triggering, or we're afraid of becoming our shitty parents?

Is it because we - be honest - think it's a lower-status position, a waste of talent of some form, suitable for someone inferior in some way, etc.?

I think the latter one - between traditionalist and redpill men, reactionary feminists, and antifeminist pick-me's - is how society views SAHMs at an aggregate level. Society doesn't give a lot of prestige for stay-at-home parents -- the less educated, less intelligent of the two parents, they gave up their job because it wasn't worth much in the first place, and if you talk to them, all they're going to talk about is their kids.

If humanity is to continue, people need to have kids, and someone needs to raise them. I think outsourcing this to corporations and the state is fucking inviting trouble, but literally who is going to raise the kids if neither parent wants to do it because everyone from the right to the left has shit on the concept of childrearing for 70 years or more?

I think that was the problem from the beginning of the women's liberation movement. It's created a situation where men entering the home without being seen as lesser is the logical response to women entering the workforce without being seen as lesser, but it's turned into a very hard sell because it comes off as "Come do this thing we don't want to do because it fucking sucks and it's for dumb people."

#feminism #manosphere #stay at home mom #stay at home dad #stay at home parent #gender equality #traditional gender roles #gender roles #sahm #sahd #amazon feminism #gender stereotypes #redpill #motherhood #pronatalism #men's liberation

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lapsed-lys · 25 days

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April 7th 2024

Entry #025

Stay-at-home

I grew up with both parents working as teachers, my mother being an elementary school teacher (1st grade a.k.a children around 6 years old). A few times in my life, I asked my mother why she chose this career, and, everytime, she'd answer something like this:

“Children are blessings, and they're fun! Honestly, if I had the choice, I would be a stay-at-home mother.”

And, to be quite honest, I always saw her doing both jobs, being a teacher and a SAHM. She always does her best to maintain the house and make sure our days run smoothly, especially with her excellent cooking. When I dropped college after 3 years of digital media studies, I always knew my biggest comfort amongst the chaos would be my mother, and being able to help her maintain the house.

I think that's something I inherited from her, the love of maintaining a household. I love cleaning, baking, making sure the animals are well, and catching up with the family. Honestly, if I were to be dropped a child to take care of, I wouldn't mind taking care of them as a stay-at-home father.

It won't be possible in my life, due to poverty (my mother herself can't be a SAHM due to the need of more money to keep the house and her 4 children), so for now I only have my utmost respect for stay-at-home parents.

And thank you mom for being my biggest comfort on Earth amongst all the chaos in my life.

#journal du lys #catholic #christianity #catholicism #lapsed catholic #christian #christian tumblr #christblr #christianblr #stay at home mom #stay at home dad #stay at home parent

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melisssg99 · 6 months

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I'd love some help

I'm compiling a little list of New Year s resolutions.

I really want to put a lot of effort in homemaking and homesteading in 2024.

So I'm looking for different things to try out and learn. (Like growing some food, baking bread for the first time etc.)

I'm looking for more ideas!

Any suggestions are welcome!

☺️🩷

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bacchicly · 8 months

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I'm better. Also here's what I wrote over the weekend...it's the reason (in my wip) that Lisa and Luke choose to break up.

I think it rings true...but if you have any "she wouldn't say that feelings..." I'd love to hear them.

Cw talks about Lisa wanting kids and wanting to parent non-traditionally.

It was almost exactly a year ago now… all starting when she had panicked… had lied and said she had been called in to work as an excuse to flee before the housewarming party started… the party she had insisted they hold - inviting only his team...

Almost a year since, after her lie and a meltdown in a random parking lot, Luke and she had spent those days holed up together in their new apartment, hashing out what their future could - should - look like.

Again and again during that time, Lisa’s heart had found its way to her throat. Sometimes it had jumped there suddenly… like when she had let herself imagine getting the call - baby on her hip - that Luke was dead. Other times it had risen like a balloon of bile - slow and acidic - swelling and choking her with the trudging fear that if they broke up, it would probably mean not having this beloved man in her life.

No Luke? Ever?

She could hardly imagine.

For three days she and Luke had held each other and whispered secret hopes - trying on alternative futures - hoping to find one that would fit - make them both happy. Maybe he could leave the FBI or find a safer post? Or maybe they should do counselling to help her get over her fear? Or maybe she could join the FBI?

But again and again, she had found herself askinv “But how would that work for their children?” whereas he… he wasn’t there yet…and as the days passed… he admitted to being less and less convinced he ever would be. They both cried. He assured her he loved her and if it happened he'd surely…

She hated that it wasn’t enough for her.

Lisa remembers the exact moment it become clear to her that - more important than anything - she wanted to be a mom SOON…but a mom and a doctor…and she didn’t want to be alone while doing it and… maddeningly… embarrassingly… she also suddenly knew that didn’t want her children to spend most of their days with a nanny or in daycare…no…

…and she still feels spoiled and guilty about it…

…but in Lisa’s ideal world? She wants her or her partner to be a saty-at-home parent.

Were modern women even allowed to want that?

And worse…since she - like Luke - wanted - maybe even needed - to keep working outside the home… that meant..she wanted to have a partner who was willing to be a stay-at-home parent…a homemaker…and well…she could see Luke as a lot of things…but.. remembering his refusal to leave with her when Jeremy Grant had murdered Phil…she had an unshakable fear that he just was not that that type of person.

So while she truly believed Luke had it in him to be an amazing father - defend his family to his last breath - but - because he was just like her - neither of them could just walk away and for as long as they were able to do their jobs… neither of them could ever leave the out-and-about-hero-ing to others and feel whole.

So she had tried to logic herself out of the idea. It was ridiculous. She didn't need a partner who wanted and was able to parent full-time…but no matter what direction she came at it she could not shake her conviction that if they did stay together and did have children and he did not stay home with them…meaning either she stayed home or they agreed to both work and find daycares or a nanny…even though she 100% knew it could work and many kids have great lives regardless of having both parents working…. No. She just couldn't shake the idea that living like that would break her - break her just as surely as not having children at all.

And she hated feeling that way but she just wasn't sure it would ever change but worse..worse…she was appalled that I until that moment…she hadn't known. Hadn't know that was what she really wanted,,, not until right then… had always thought of herself as being in the "maybe kids" camp…but she wasn't. Isn't.

She wanted to be a mom.

A mom and a doctor and married to a homemaker. Someone who would be their for her and their kids the way her mom had been for her and her brothers and their dad...the way her mom had confided she had felt lucky to be...

In the end it had been the question of children and never whether they did or didn't love each other that had finally pushed them to make the decision to break up.

#lisa douglas #criminal minds #luke alvez #Whoa!#tw breakup #raising children #stay at home parent #parenting

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kdgclothing · 2 months

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#digital planner #artists on tumblr #printable #digital marketing #planner #stay at home mom #stay at home girlfriend #stay at home parent #study planner #daily schedule #savings #tiktok

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lifeovercoffee · 5 months

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One of the things I noticed when I started working out of the home in 2003 is that my wife, as a stay-at-home mom, never has a day off, seven days a week, and is always on-call. It was convicting, motivating me not to think that my day job was all of my job. Like her, it's a 24/7, always on-call opportunity to serve our family. https://lifeovercoffee.com/biblical-dads-continue-working-after-coming-home-from-work/

#stay at home mom #stay at home wife #stay at home dad #stay at home parent

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aqueencomplexx · 1 year

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For the price of $0.00, I will physically fight anyone who disrespects stay at home parents

#sahmlife #sahmomlife #stay at home parent #stay at home dad #stay at home moms #parents #parent life #mom life #dad life #as someone who is one and as someone who doesn’t take disrespect #I will defend y’all #this shit exhausting #if you want me to hospitalize them #it’s also free #just say the word

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neon-pink-witch · 1 year

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Fed is best isn't just about bottlefeeding and breastfeeding.

It also applies when your sick 5 year old only wants to eat french fries

#parenting #stay at home wife #stay at home parent #stay at home mom #parent #fed is best

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stardew-bajablast · 1 month

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people on this site regularly talk about domestic labor in a way that reads shockingly similar to the way radfems talk about sex work, and it seems like everyone here has just decided that’s ok for some reason

like “it’s bad to force a woman to be a housewife and sometimes being a housewife can lead to abusive/exploitative situations; therefore no one should ever be a housewife/stay at home parent/etc EVER or else they are dumb and don’t understand feminism”

is shockingly similar to terfs saying that because forced sex work is bad and sometimes sex workers are abused/exploited, therefore no one should ever be a sex worker or else they are dumb and don’t understand feminism

like… you’re all just cool with recycled terf rhetoric being barfed up ad nauseum during every single discussion of domestic labor??

#domestic labor #housewife #stay at home parent #stay at home mom #feminism #housework

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i-am-the-quintessential-queer · 1 year

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Y’all know what’s wild? I literally yearn for a life where I can be a stay at home parent, that nuclear family of two parents and 2.5 kids, and taking care of a house with a nice yard and a dog

And that is so unobtainable right now. Like what used to be the bare minimum standard just a few decades ago is now a pipe dream because of how fucked things are

I literally work as a daycare teacher so that I can be around kids on a daily because the idea of becoming a parent seems so impossible to me

#it speaks #text post #depressing #this is so depressing #nuclear family #stahm #stay at home mom #stahd #stay at home dad #stahp #stay at home parent #vent #venting #ranting #rant

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traditionallyuntraditional · 11 months

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Willkommen auf meinem Blog!

He/She | (Ex?) Catholic | Canadian / German, French, & Scottish ancestry | 17 | Aspiring homemaker / House husband.

The only “pro European’s moving back to Europe” person who actually has plans to move to Europe.

Tradition ≠ Hate

German tradition ≠ Nazism

Fuck off if you think otherwise.

#pinned post #traditional #traditional lifestyle #traditionalism #tradblr #homemaker #aspiring homemaker #house wife #house husband #stay at home parent #traditional relationship #trad #traditional clothing #germany #france #scotland #canada #canadian #vintage

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melisssg99 · 1 year

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I see so many people complain that they are expected to go to work, study,

spend time with friends,spend time with family,spend time on hobbies , "relax" and also do work around the house.

They complain that it's too all too much to keep up with!

Yet when we choose to stay at home,

be homemakers,stay at home mothers/wifes/ect.

We are the crazy ones???

#thoughts #traditional #femininity #farmcore #egalitarian #homemaker #stay at home parent #stay at home mum #stay at home mom #stay at home wife #sahw #sahm #traditional family #homemaking #inclusive homemaking #personal

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lnholt · 2 years

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A message from the stay-at-home parent:

Let's start by saying thank you for the opportunity to stay at home, allowing us to be there for our children, watching them grow while you provide most if not all of the income for our family.

But let's not forget what we do at home is still work without a paycheck; every day, we are the caretakers, cooks, cleaners, therapists, playmates, and principle for our children. Staying at home can feel like groundhogs day, with some days a diaper blowout thrown into the mix; we wake up most days at the same time because the children are awake.

We cook them food, and if we are lucky, they will eat what we have made, on the plate we put it on and the selected surface. If any of these do not make the child happy, we try again (most of the time). While doing this, we either think about making some coffee, or we have made it, and now it is cold, so reheat or drink it because deep down, we know it will just get cold again.

Then there is activity time and diaper or potty time, running around trying to give our child a fun day, but not every day is fun; there are the tantrums, the crying because we said to clean up, or the anger because we said no candy for lunch, the baby is needing to be fed after they just ate one minute ago to just throwing it all up on you.

Now, after some time, it's lunchtime, breakfast all over again but with maybe a different food, then realizing we haven't even gone to the bathroom yet. We have had to for the last few hours, and we try to go, but either the child who learned to open the door is now in the bathroom with us or the baby is crying, so hurry and get back out there.

Nap time sounds good about now, and maybe make some food for our us to eat; we rock the child lay them down, we know they are tired, leave the room as quietly as we can, go to the kitchen or start to make something or begin to eat what the child has left on the plate to only hear the napping child is not napping and is now crying/ screaming, so lunch break is cut short.

After some time, a nap is over activity again, sit on the sofa for a moment to get pulled into playing or breathe for a five-minute break most of the time while holding the baby. Look at the clock and realize its almost time for you to get off work, see the house isn't clean, dinner is not started, still, need to go to the bathroom, the child wants a snack, the baby is crying for more milk, an exclusively pumping mama has to sit and take the time to pump the milk ( all day long ) or latch baby, or make the bottle.

This day is only one of the many possibilities because there are sick kid days, sick parent days, school work, possible work-from-home jobs, and there is so much more being done with the children than mentioned here.

Incomes the spouse to only assume we have done nothing all day or had plenty of time to cook, clean, or take a shower. When the reality is yes, we might have had an extra fifteen minutes today, but that was used to sit and breathe or take a sip of that stale cold coffee and call another adult for some adult interaction.

Because when you come home, you are tired and don't want to talk, so that takes away from your interaction with an adult; you also want and deserve to decompress.

Still, please remember you got to drive to work alone, go to the bathroom alone, sit and maybe have lunch, drove back home alone, we woke up to our job and never left our job, go to sleep at our job and wake up to start it all over most of the time seven days a week, no holiday or sick days allowed.

Please know we appreciate and love our jobs, but just like you at your job, it doesn't always mean it's always easy or fun to be at every day.

#stay at home parent #stay at home mothers #stay at home dad #tired mom #tired dad #need a break #children #lets be honest

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