I thought so long and hard about this please clap (x)

DATING SHINee A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Lee Taemin

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Taemin isn’t someone who can talk a lot about his feelings, so he’ll often let his affection do the talking. You can often tell a lot about how he’s feeling just by the way that he holds you or if he decides to give you a bit of space.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

The two of you met through mutual friends as the introverts at the party. Whilst everyone else was loud and boisterous, the two of you tended to just take a seat at the back and watch the others. Throughout the night, you bonded about how much quieter the two of you were, and soon a strong friendship formed between you both.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

A lot of work went into Taemin’s confession, he had a good talk with the other members before confessing to you so that they could give him plenty of advice. They knew he wasn’t as good a talker as some of the others, so they gave him the chance to have a bit of practice. When it finally came to confessing to you, Taemin was incredibly nervous, he didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing and end up screwing things up. Luckily for him, and you though, everything went perfectly, and his confession was smooth.

D ⇴ DATES

Taemin spent a lot of time working on his solo stuff when he wasn’t with SHInee or SuperM, so your dates were usually quite limited. He tended to invite you to the studio for dates, even it just meant that the two of you had an hour together. Taemin loved to sit you down and show you what he was working on, even giving you a few spoilers if he wanted to. You’d usually end up sticking around whilst he continued to work, just to keep him company, tending to fall asleep and leave him to wake you whenever he was done.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

He wasn’t blind to what being in a relationship as an idol meant, he learnt a lot from filming We Got Married that he really put into practice with you. He was very protective of you and wanted to make sure that he kept you safe, he’d seen too many of his friends have their relationships destroyed to allow for the same to happen to the two of you. Whilst he had never experienced a relationship in the limelight himself before, he worked hard to learn from others, so he knew exactly what to do when the time came for him.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

When the two of you argued, Taemin would get very quiet. He wasn’t someone who shouted or raised his voice, in fact, he tended to do the complete opposite and just let you offload on him. If he really feels like he has to stand his ground though, he will. Petty arguments really aren’t his thing, if he thinks you’re being ridiculous or overdramatic, he won’t be afraid to tell you and encourage you to rethink what you’re trying to cause an argument about. He’s not one for games, and even when the two of you argue, he won’t allow himself to be messed around or bashed when he knows that he’s done nothing wrong.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

Finding the time in amongst his schedule to meet his family was almost impossible, so you tended to bond over calls whenever Taemin rang. They loved getting to know you and seeing the dynamic that the two of you had built up together, but best of all, they loved being able to see Taemin’s huge smile with you.

H ⇴ HOME

It didn’t take long for Taemin to encourage you to move into his home. He was like an excitable kid when he started dating you, he wanted you around as much as possible, the perfect relationship. The first morning he woke up without you tore him apart, and he knew that wasn’t something he wanted to go back to now that he had you.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

The first ‘I love you,’ actually came from Taemin in one of his songs. When he told you that he’d dedicated a song to you, you were definitely a little surprised, but as you listened to the lyrics, those three special words were the last of the song. You asked him about it straight away, thinking that you’d misheard, only for him to tell you once again that he loved you.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

If someone was causing him to get jealous, Taemin wasn’t afraid to call whoever the person was out on it. Again, he doesn’t play games, and he won’t stand back and let someone get too close to your or allow someone to try and wind him up. It often surprises you when he gets into one of his jealous moods as he’ll become quite sharp and blunt until whoever is causing the problem has got the hint that they’re not welcome. It definitely brings a smile to your face seeing just possessive he can get of you at times.

K ⇴ KIDS

Just the thought of settling down with you forever was enough to put a smile on Taemin’s face, he knew there was no one else that he wanted to spend forever with. It wasn’t just kids that he imagined with you, he often found himself thinking about how the two of you would grow old together and where you’d live, even as far as where his career would end up with you and your young family supporting him.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

Any day with Taemin is bound to put a smile on your face, he is the embodiment of chaos. He’s clumsy and messy, but somehow you wouldn’t have him any other way. He’ll often hear you sniggering at him when he bumps his hip against a table or accidentally knocks over the glass that he’s drinking from. As much as it hurts, knowing that it’s put a smile on your face will make the pain much more bearable for him, even if he will attack your sides afterwards for ever laughing at him when he clumsily falls.

M ⇴ MISSING

Being away from you is hard on Taemin, it was something he thought would get easier, but actually, it only ever got harder for him. He was away a lot on several different promotions, and as much as he’d try and have you there with him, it wasn’t always possible. When he was away, he’d arrange date nights for the two of you at least once a week, he’d pick a time that worked with both of your time zones so that the two of you could sit and have a call without any disturbances. It was the only thing that kept his mind focussed, having just a short amount of time with you was very precious when he was away from home.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

He loved to just call you ‘love,’ he loved the traditionalism of the word and the smile it always put on your face. For you, he’d often either be ‘tae,’ or ‘min,’ if you ever called him by his full name then he was in trouble.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

Taemin is obsessed with your hands, he loves to be able to either hold your hand or feel your hand tracing around his body and exploring his toned physique.

P ⇴ PDA

If there’s one thing that is a big no for Taemin, it’s public affection. He’s quite quiet and reserved at the best of times, but that is especially the case when it comes to your relationship, he will hate for anyone to have their attention on you, he likes to keep the two of you as private as possible and out of the limelight.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

You’ll often be the one asking questions, as Taemin loves to daydream. You’ll wave your hand in front of his face often to bring him back into reality, and when you ask him what he was dreaming about, he’ll never remember.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

Because you spent so much time at the studio with Taemin, he ended up having a whole drawer in his desk dedicated to you. It had hairbands, toothbrushes, cutlery, everything that you could ever need inside. Whenever you complained that you needed a tissue or some balm, all Taemin had to do was pull the drawer back and reach inside, and then whatever it was that you wanted would coincidentally appear in front of you.

S ⇴ SEX

He’s very much a passionate guy, he loves the heat of the moment and the intimacy that comes with being so close together. He’s not good with words, so he uses this time a lot to physically be able to prove to you how much he loves you. He always takes the best care of you, and Taemin is definitely the king of after care, he’ll cuddle you tightly and always make sure that you’re comfortable and got what you need.

T ⇴ TEXTS

When he’s away especially, he relies on texts a lot. He’ll often send you updates on what he’s doing throughout his day and will expect the same from you too so he can feel like he’s at home alongside you.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

The best thing about being in a relationship with you, for Taemin, was that he always had someone beside him. Whilst he had plenty of people around him, at a distance, you were the one that he let all the way in.

V ⇴ VACATION

If he ever got the chance to go on holiday, he’d definitely make the most of it. Somewhere hot, and somewhere quiet was all that Taemin wanted. He loved to just be able to sit back and relax you for a short while without anyone ringing his phone or anyone at the office demanding that he head down as soon as possible.

W ⇴ WHINING

You’d usually only ever hear Taemin groan when he broke something, he’d cry out in frustration which would only end up making you laugh loudly.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Taemin knew that you were a big fan of his lips, and he would definitely use that to his advantage. If he wanted something from you, he’d use his lips to get what he wanted from you. He’d often come up behind you and press his lips against your cheek, murmuring in your ear exactly what he wanted. As much as you hated that he could push your buttons with his lips, you never turned down a kiss that came from Taemin.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his soulmate, the person that he held closest to his heart.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

He would always be incredibly cuddly when the two of you slept, he loved to have you close. His favourite feeling when he fell asleep was when you’d run your hands through his hair and tug gently through the knots.

---

Masterlist

Oooh heya! Do u think u could do NaraRox? They’re the type that goes “nah we’re not at cheesy” then can immediately be seen cuddling eachother 5 mins later KDFJDKFJDJ for their music taste, Rox enjoys rock music while Narancia enjoys rap

Narancia x Rox (NaraRox) Song Fic!!

“Be My Baby”- The Ronettes

The night we met, I knew I needed you so..

~ @rocksannx

The sound of crunching leaves were heard all thought the park on this autumn day. The weather was chill, not too cold and not too hot. Several couples walked hand in hand together, enjoying their time.

Rox sat on the bench, observing her freshly painted nails as she waited for her boyfriend to come back with the drinks. A few minutes passed and out the door came Narancia, running.

The boy beamed with joy when he spotted Rox, so much so that he hadn't watch where he was going, and ran straight into a pole.

"Ouch!"

"N-Narancia!!!" Rox gasped. He had spilled the drinks, laying on the floor he hurt his knee. The girl rushed to his aid.

"Ah crap! That hurts!" Narancia whined.

"Oh my god, Narancia watch where you're going next time! Are you okay?" She held his leg. She was completely in a worried mood by his clumsy fall, but she started to laugh once she looked up at him.

He was soaked in coffee, with whipped cream and chocolate chips in his hair. Narancia's hair was always messy, but even more now. He looked ridiculous. Rox covered her mouth trying to hide it.

"H-hey! Are you laughing at me?" Narancia was shocked. 'How could she do this to me?!' He thought, jokingly. Her giggles became louder and louder.

"So you think it's funny huh?!"

Her laughs came to a halt as she felt Narancia's hands touch her face, he was putting whipped cream on her! She gasped.

"W-what are you doing?! You'll get my make up ruined!!"

The couple began to play fight, throwing the coffee drinks at each other until there was no more. Everyone in the park turned their heads, giving weird looks to Narancia and Rox. It was an odd sight to see if you were passing by.

They sat there on the ground, laughing at the mess they've made. Rox began to speak.

"Look at us, we're a mess! I can't believe you made me do that.." she giggled, looking away, almost ashamed.

Narancia watched as Rox laughed, her eyes were closed and she had the prettiest long lashes. Even drenched in coffee and smudged eyeliner, Narancia thought she looked beautiful. He only stayed in silence watching her, a soft smile on his face.

"Well, you still have to get me my Starbucks! C'mon, we'll go together this time. At least now you have me to keep you from falling." Rox stood up, picking up the empty coffee cups and straws, she tossed them in the trash.

"You comin'?" Rox raised her eyebrow, the boy was still in a trance.

"Ah! Yes! I'm sorry Roxie I won't spill it this time." He rubbed the back of his head, becoming embarrassed now at his clumsiness.

He grabbed her hand in his, pulling her against him. He was being extra needy today.

"Roxie."

"Huh?" She asked, not minding his clinging at all.

"I love you." Narancia smiled, looking down at her. Rox blushed, that was a random thing to say.

"Oh- Narancia.." The girl became flustered. Her heart leaped in her chest.

"I know we're already dating, but I-I want you to be mine, forever, all the time." Narancia fumbled with his words a bit, he was nervous to be so romantic now, but he didn't care; as long as he got to tell her what he felt.

Rox could feel against her ear how fast and loud Narancia's heart was beating. 'He must be really nervous..' she thought. It was rather cute of him.

She pulled his face down to her, giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Aha. Of course honey. I love you too.” she chuckled, holding him tight. Rox was so happy at this moment. 

Narancia smiled bigger than ever, and kissed Rox several times more.

“For every kiss you give me, I’ll give you three!” They both laughed, butterflies in their stomachs. To everyone else around them, they were a teenage couple head over heels. And it was true, definitely....

~

~

(Hello! I apologize this is SO SO LATE AHH!!! Honestly Im so sorry. I hope you like this though! I kinda see Rox and Narancia as a super loving and cheesy couple haha xD I chose this song because I think this is what they feel for each other, too when they first met! Thank you for waiting<33)

a little jealousy — yoo kihyun

request: hiii! can i request jealousy!kihyun? that song just has me in my feelings lately. maybe smth cute with kihyun noticing reader has been a little close/interested in the other boys (shownu?? hehe) and him trying to be extra appealing and get their attention but reader doesn’t get it until he finally gets all whiny and needy and “please just look at me!”

a/n: just in case i need to say this: being possessive and extremely jealous is not attractive and please don’t treat people like they’re objects you own. this fic doesn’t contain anything like that but i felt the need to bring it up.

word count: 2.1k

content: sub!kihyun, dom!gender neutral!reader, it’s actually not soft dom wow look at me, oral (male receiving), hickies, nipple play, ruined orgasm, you just kinda stare at him a lot and he thinks it’s hot, the first 2/3rds of the fic isn’t nsfw it’s just kihyun being sad :((

summary: kihyun wants your attention, but it always seems like you rather give it to shownu. that changes one night when suddenly he has it all and he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

maybe kihyun is just paranoid, but you’ve been getting way too close to shownu as of late. he doesn’t know if you’ve always been this close, if his growing crush (honestly, it was much more than a crush at this point) was the reason it was becoming more obvious, or if you were doing this on purpose. why do you feel the need to tease and taunt him like this? do you even know what you’re doing?

but… the way you look at him has to be something. you look at shownu with such bright eyes, you seem to lean in closer when he’s talking even though you’re right next to him and you’re literally touching thighs god why do you do this to him—

“kihyun?” you call out, breaking him out of his daze. he glances up at you, worried your gaze can see right through him and read all his thoughts.

“y-yeah?”

“shownu and i are gonna go grab coffee for everyone, do you want one?” you ask. if he didn’t think about what you were saying, he’d be in heaven. you were talking to him and your voice was so soft and pretty and oh my god he was so irresistibly in love. unfortunately, he hears exactly what you say, loud and clear, and it ruins any thoughts of bliss he might have had.

“no thank you,” he mutters, if a bit too harshly. he can’t help the tone, his heart is breaking as he speaks, but he rushes to correct himself when he sees the dismayed look on your face, “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to say it like that. i’m just… having a rough day.”

you soften immediately, “oh, don’t apologize, kiki,” oh the way that nickname rolls off your tongue makes him want to hear you say it forever, “do you want to talk about it?” you ask, sitting beside him with a hand rubbing his back softly.

but this isn’t the kind of thing he can just talk about, not right now, and certainly not with you. he’s both conflicted, wanting all your attention, but before he can even answer, shownu is calling you away, and suddenly you’re already leaving him. you wave, smiling, though there’s still that worried glint in your eyes, but it vanishes the second shownu says something funny, and kihyun is left completely baffled.

—

hyungwon knows what’s up. he always seems to know what’s wrong with kihyun. it’s aggravating, because kihyun doesn’t want anyone to know his pathetic feelings of inadequacy, “i get it, shownu’s taller, more muscular, funnier, nicer, more—”

“i get it, hyungwon,” kihyun groans.

“—but, if you would let me finish, i also think if you would quit being a whiny loser and actually try to woo y/n, at least then you’d have a chance,” hyungwon explains. kihyun visibly loathes where he’s going with this conversation, but hyungwon doesn’t care, “y/n is never gonna notice you while you cry about it to me—”

“but i didn’t cry about it to you, though,” kihyun mutters under his breath.

—

“you look really good today,” you smile, taking a sip from your coffee. kihyun’s startled by your voice, causing the makeup artist to scold him a bit for making her mess up.

“yeah?” shownu smiles back. they were at a photo shoot today, with kihyun was still getting his makeup done when you started talking to shownu. he watches your conversation out of the corner of his eye. when more people in the room start talking, he can’t exactly make out the things you say, but he still sees the way you touch his arm and he still sees the way he looks at you like you’re everything.

because you are.

—

“i can’t believe i’m doing this,” kihyun whispers to himself, pacing back and forth.

to give context, minhyuk had overheard kihyun’s conversation with hyungwon, where he definitely didn’t point out just how much better shownu was. nope. that didn’t happen. minhyuk, being either the gracious friend or the devil that he is, decided he wanted to help, “what’s so bad about it? i think it looks good.”

there’s a lot bad about it. it does look good, to be fair, but seeing himself in this outfit makes kihyun flustered beyond compare, “you know how i was raised, minhyuk! this outfit is too…. somehow it’s both too much and too little,” kihyun yells, “god it’s so low cut. and this jewelry is a lot.”

“kihyun, either don’t do this or stop complaining,” minhyuk says, and kihyun just groans in response. he could just talk to you, like a normal human being, but no. he has to go along with minhyuk’s elaborate plan to capture your attention. this definitely won’t end well.

“fine, but promise you’ll delete the pictures you take afterwards,” he pleads, “this is so embarrassing…”

—

honestly, kihyun was disappointed. you barely did more than a double take— probably because you weren’t used to seeing kihyun wearing such an outfit— but didn’t even question it.

“c’mon, it’s not the end of the world, buddy,” minhyuk rubs his back, trying to comfort him, but it’s not helpful. it’s embarrassing to him to want your attention so badly just for you to give it all to someone else. , “besides, maybe scandalous isn’t their vibe, what if we tried—“

—

and try they did. kihyun really did whatever he could to get your attention, but it just wasn’t enough. you always went back to hang out with shownu, get coffee with shownu, sneak out in the middle of the night to go get snacks with shownu. kihyun was just convinced you were dating at this point, or, at the very least, you had feelings. and it hurt so much, because all kihyun wanted was your attention, your praise, your voice calling his name, and it wouldn’t happen so long as you wanted shownu more. he really tries to not harbor any resentment for his poor clueless leader and friend, but he just can’t.

but here you both are. it’s 7:35 pm, in the kitchen of the dorm, and kihyun is ready to hear ‘oh! kihyun! do you know where shownu is?’. he’s ready to be let down, disappointed, and miserable all night. he’s ready to once again be hit with the fact that you always choose shownu over him, over everyone else, but that doesn’t stop him, ”hey, y/n.”

you hum in response, and kihyun doesn’t know what to do with that. you frustrate him so much, making him want to pull his hair out. your attention is locked on your phone as you type, and kihyun doesn’t want to think about who he knows you’re talking to.

“hey, can we talk?” he murmurs softly, and you look up for a second, before nodding.

“just let me finish this text—”

“please just look at me!” he cries out, and it startles you, but he’s already started so he might as well finish, “i know shownu is more important to you, but please, just once, look at me instead.”

“what does that mean? you’re important to me, kihyun, i just didn’t think…” you trail off, but he’s invested in a response, eyes burning holes into you with their intensity, “i just didn’t think it mattered. you never seemed bothered.”

“yeah, well i was,” kihyun turns around to start pacing again, because god he really didn’t just say that, “i’ve wanted you attention for so long, but no. you always gave it to shownu, you were always with shownu, ‘oh i’m going to the store with shownu, you want anything?’, ‘shownu wanted me to ask you if you wanted us to bring dinner’, shownu this, and shownu that! i’m sick of—” kihyun turn to face you, and before he gets the chance to finish, he sees that you got up from the table seat you were at and are face to face with him. he feel so much smaller and less intimidating when you glare at him expectantly like that.

“you’re so sick of what, kihyun? finish your sentences,” you mumble coldly, and he’s left speechless for a moment, before pulling himself together.

“i’m… i’m sick of not being what he is to you,” he drops his head, because staring at his feet is easier then meeting your gaze. he sees you nod, though he’s not exactly sure why, but then your hands grab hold of his waist, and when he shrieks in surprise, you already have a plan for that. you lean in to kiss him before he makes too much noise, and he begrudgingly pulls back for a moment, “woah, w-what?”

“are you uncomfortable?” you ask, but he shakes his head, “then what’s the problem?”

“i-i’m just confused. why are you…?” he doesn’t even know what you’re doing, all he knows is that he wants it more than anything. he just needs to know why. are you doing it because you feel bad about what he just confessed? do you also have feelings for him and he just severely misread the situation?

“kihyun, i don’t love shownu, i don’t even like him like that,” and kihyun lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. it’s like a weight off his shoulders after so long of hold it up, “and you’re prettier, if it makes you feel better,” you murmur, leaning in to kiss his neck, and god he feels so weak. he feels flushed at your compliment, his reaction is so physical that he’s sure you sense the way his body shivers at your words before relaxing with your kisses. your lips against his skin felt like fire and he was dying to get burned.

“oh g-god,” he breathes as you pull him away from the kitchen, into his bedroom. he’s in a complete daze as you kiss him deeply. he kisses back with a feverish intensity, and a soft whine leaves his throat when you pull away.

“tell me if you want to stop,” you mumble, pulling at the hem of his shirt, and he takes the cue to throw it off of him as quick as he can. you immediately make quick work of his chest, making it a beautiful canvas of bruises he doesn’t want to ever heal. he holds you close because god he finally has your attention and he doesn’t plan to give it up now. you kiss his stomach a bit, holding his waist tightly so he can’t squirm even though he’s really ticklish and you know that.

but that doesn’t last long when you’re pulling down his pants and rubbing him over his underwear and god he’s so hard it’s becoming painful. you pull of his pants and underwear until he’s completely naked, and it feels more revealing and more embarrassing because he’s just realized that you’re still fully clothed. however, you seem to read his mind, because suddenly there’s a gentle hand massaging his chest, and though he wants to whimper at the way you’re rubbing bruised skin, he doesn’t, “tonight is about you, kihyun. you wanted my attention, and now it’s yours.”

but he can’t handle this, he can’t handle your intense stare, the way you keep eye contact even when he’s so flustered he has to look away. even as his length disappears into your mouth (he honestly could have cum from just the sight of that), you still keep looking at him. he groans loudly, and he suddenly is aware of how loud he’s been. the others aren’t home yet, but… they will be soon.

any thoughts of the others disappear when he feels a sharp pleasured-pain when your mindless playing with his nipples gets harsh. he could easily cum with just your mouth on him, but you’re doing so much at once, and still staring at him that he’s just left to lie there and take it all. it’s not like you’ve accepted any attempts he’s made to pleasure you at all, so he resorts to just giving in and letting you focus on him, and he swears if you could you’d be smirking right now.

and suddenly, his body jerks, and he cries out loudly. you pull away just as soon as his orgasm is triggered, watching him hump the air helplessly, trying for more stimulation and miserably not getting it. the poor thing looks wrecked already, his hair’s damp from sweat, his hands grasp the sheets so tightly, and he’s babbling nonsensically, “w-why…?”

“oh, poor baby, what’s wrong? you got what you wanted, right?” he supposes you’re right, technically, but that was still so, so cruel, and by the way you’re smiling, he can tell you enjoyed being so mean to him. and the idea that you did was so enticing, “what do you say?”

“t-thank you,” he stutters, and you cup his cheek, cooing slightly.

“don’t worry, little thing, i’m nowhere near done with you and i doubt you’ll be as dismayed as you are now by the time i am.”

—

taglist: @lovingonrepeat @neosincity @sub-hoshi-enthusiest @rosethefae @staranonthoughts @maknaeronix @multidreams-and-desires @mellowriting

song fic idea!!! grow as we go by ben platt?? w rafe 🥺💜 i fuckin love ur writing dude makes me feel all warm inside n shit

oh first of all, thank you so much, that means a lot :)

secondly, i fucking love ben platt and that song makes me so soft and i kinda am gonna do this but also if you think about it, possible wedding song for the ‘you are the music in me’ verse? idk, let me know what you think

Rafe first suggested Grow as We Go as the song for your first dance, and you were immediately on board. It was so soft and encompassed, you felt, how the two of you had changed together over the course of your relationship. You also liked the amount of emotion Rafe’s eyes held when he listened to it, practically overflowing with love.

Sitting on the floor together, leaning back against your bed, legs out in front of you, you couldn’t help but think back over the years as the lyrics washed over the two of you. Rafe reached down and grabbed your hand with a soft hum, bringing it up to press a soft kiss to the back of it.

You say there’s so much you don’t know / you need to go and find yourself / you say you’d rather be alone / ‘cause you think you won’t find it tied to someone else

Right after graduation, the two of you got job offers. The only problem? In two different states. Rafe went west and you went north, fully intending on making it work. And it did, sort of. He didn’t struggle at all fitting in and making new friends, you were always a little more reserved and no one at your new job was making it easy.

Every time the two of you FaceTimed, Rafe was so open, talking about dinner parties and golfing and how much he loved his new job and his new boss. Meanwhile, you felt you were barely staying afloat. You weren’t sure if he could tell (he could) but you didn’t want to bring him down with your personal shit, so you internalized it.

When he’d ask about your friends, you’d sweep it under the rug, “They’re great, we’re getting dinner tomorrow.” Which was never true. And Rafe was starting to get frustrated, you could tell.

It all came to head one night when you zoned out mid-talk of a fishing trip. Rafe cleared his throat, effectively catching your attention, and you raised your eyebrows at him in confusion. He looked a little annoyed and a little amused, “Thinking about something over there, bud?”

“Hmm, just tired I guess.”

“How are things going for you?” he asked, “don’t want to hog all the conversation.”

“It’s good, I like listening to you talk.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, “Why won’t you just tell me the truth?”

Your thoughts flew to the last phone call you’d had with your mom. She was the only one who had any idea of what you were going through, and her advice was to end it with Rafe.

“Baby, you’re holding on to this boy and he’s changing, you need to change too. You aren’t in college anymore, this isn’t just going to end in four years, this is your future.”

“Rafe is my future,” you told her stubbornly, refusing to accept her advice.

“Is he?”

Her words struck you and echoed as Rafe looked at you, frustrated, waiting on you to come up with something.

“Should we break up?” you mumbled, playing with the carpet, refusing to look at your laptop screen.

It was silent for a few seconds before he whispered, “What?” in such a broken voice that you had to look up. His eyes were watering a little and his fingers were tapping on his jaw, something he only did when he was really anxious.

“Cameron, I’m just dragging you down here. You’re flourishing, you deserve to have a good, new life. I have some shit to figure out before I get to be where you are.”

Oh, who said it’s true / that the growing only happens on your own / they don’t know me and you

“Why can’t I help you figure it out?” he asked, reaching forward at the screen, as if to touch you.

“You’re not here,” you told him, looking back down at your hands.

Rafe didn’t have anything to say to that, you were right, but he wasn’t going to give it up. After a few minutes of silence, you were about to just end the call and the relationship, but Rafe had one last card to play.

Music started to softly play through your laptop speakers as he held his phone up. The song made your chest ache you missed him and his songs so fucking much. Before you could stop it, your eyes welled up with tears, running down your cheeks almost immediately.

“Sweetheart,” he started, speaking over the music, “I may not be there in person, but I’m always there for you.”

You won’t be the only one / I am unfinished, I’ve got so much left to learn / I don’t know how this river runs / but I’d like company through every twist and turn

Rafe had a weird relationship with his siblings, especially Sarah. There was a weird competitive dynamic that came from her being the blatant favorite all his life. The two of you had talked through it, for the most part, and Rafe was content to have an estranged friendship with her forever.

And then one evening, she showed up at the two of you’s apartment door, holding two suitcases with tear stains on her cheeks. Rafe had gone to answer the door because you were making dinner and you heard him say, “What are you doing here?” in the most passive aggressive tone he’d used in a while.

Wiping your hands off, you walked to the door to see who was standing there, just in time to hear her tell him, “Dad tried to set up some arranged marriage bullshit and I told him no, so he threw me out of the company.”

Rafe’s mouth was hanging wide open. You weren’t entirely sure how she’d gotten here, neither of you had ever shared with her or his parents where you were living. Rafe came to the conclusion at the same time you did and he sighed, “Wheezie.”

“Don’t be mad at her, I just didn’t know where to go.”

“Not fucking here,” Rafe told her, preparing to slam the door.

You stepped forward before he could, pressing on his chest to push him backwards, away from the door, “Let’s go to our room and talk about this, yeah?” Before tossing over your shoulder at Sarah, “Come on in, we have a guest bedroom over to the left.”

Rafe was tense, pacing, when you finally made it to your room and shut the door. You sat down on the bed and watched him for a few seconds before finally speaking up, “Talk to me, Cameron.”

“I thought,” he paused, “I thought we could have this distant relationship where we could be friendly but not friends. She’s infringing here, I don’t like it.”

You patted the spot next to you for him to sit, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders when he did, “Well, sometimes shit happens.”

Rafe huffed out a laugh and rested his head on top of yours, “What if I don’t want shit to happen.”

“What’s life without a few mix-ups?” you asked, shrugging.

He groaned, “I’m gonna have to let her stay, aren’t I?”

“It would be nice of you, for at least the short term while she gets back on her feet. I’m sure you know how it feels to be on your dad’s bad side.”

“Can we at least charge her rent?”

You snorted and pinched his bicep, “No, you may not. That’s your sister.”

“You’re going to regret that down the line, bud, when we’ve got a freeloader that we can’t get rid of.”

“Right, we’ll come back to this in a few months.”

Rafe put both of his hands on his knees and pushed himself up with a sigh, “Fine, I’ll go let her know she can stay.”

“Proud of you,” you called after him, laughing when his response was to flip you off.

I don’t know who we’ll become / I can promise it’s not written in the stars / but I believe that when it’s done / we’re gonna see that it was better / that we grew up together

Rafe proposed on your seven-year anniversary. You had an idea that it was coming, but you weren’t sure when. Admittedly, you were a little disappointed when it wasn’t during dinner or when the two of you stopped to watch the sunset in an abandoned parking lot.

In fact, he waited until the two of you were back in your apartment. You were both in the bathroom, getting ready for bed, you sitting on the counter facing him, him brushing his teeth and you putting on moisturizer. He was already shirtless and you were wearing one of your old college t-shirts, and both of you were in your most vulnerable states.

Rafe grabbed your foot when you tried to kick him and shook it gently, drawing a laugh out of you. You pinched his side in retaliation and he made a noise, arching out of your grip. After spitting and wiping his face, he grinned up at you, “Such a menace.”

“You love me,” you responded, confidently.

He brushed a strand of hair out of your eyes and smiled down at you softly, “Marry me.”

Your mouth fell open, “What?”

“Marry me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I’m sorry is that a question or a demand?”

He rolled his eyes playfully and poked your side, “It’s a question, sweetheart, will you marry me?”

You gripped his shoulders pulling him closer, “Before I say yes, you couldn’t have asked me earlier tonight?”

Rafe blushed a little, “It never felt right. This feels right.”

And you couldn’t not kiss him for that. Both of you smiled into the kiss and he kept it short, pulling away to grab the ring he’d carefully picked out several months before. You couldn’t help but tear up as he slid it on your finger.

“Perfect,” he whispered, lacing your fingers together. One of his thumbs stroked over the ring band as you wiped your nose with your other hand.

“That was actually pretty soft, Cameron.”

“Only for you,” he told you, pressing a kiss to your cheek before helping you off the counter to go to bed.

You cuddled up to his chest when he flicked the light off and ruffled his hair, “Better be.”

You don’t ever have to leave / if to change is what you need / you can change right next to me

Rafe suggested dance lessons for your wedding. He said, “Babe, we can’t be just spinning in circles, that’s lame.” It reminded him of all the Midsummers he had to attend and that was unpleasant.

And you were on board for that, an actual dance seemed fun. The instructor you found loved your song and was super friendly, helping the two of you put something really personal together. Lessons were fun, but practicing on your own at home was more fun.

Both of you had two left feet and were constantly tripping over each other and stepping on each other’s feet. Several times he had you stand on top of his because, “I know better and at least this way you can’t step on my feet unexpectedly when you’re already on them.”

You shoved his chest, “Don’t be a dick.”

He laughed and kissed you, ending the playful argument.

You can ebb and I can flow / and we’ll take it slow / and grow as we go

It was all worth it in the end.

Fly on the Wall (Tom Holland One Shot)

Part Two of Trapped Banter

Tom Holland Imagine (Tom Holland x Reader)

Word Count: 2,036

Warnings: Language, Fluff

Summary: After meeting Tom while trapped in an elevator, you’ve somehow managed to become friends. As you grow closer, keeping your identity a secret from the media becomes harder. Also hiding your true feelings for him become more difficult especially when he has other plans in mind.

A/N: So here it is, Part 2 of Trapped Banter! If you haven’t read Trapped Banter you do not have to read it, this can be read alone. However, to get the full story I do recommend reading it. I hope you all enjoy this!

If you haven’t already and want to read it, here is Trapped Banter.

Tom walks through the airport trying to ignore the flashes that keep blinding him. He smiles as a few fans come up to ask for pictures. A girl who is probably fourteen steps up first. "Get out of the way little girl," a paparazzi yells at her and she backs away looking shy. "Don't you dare talk to my fans like that. They're the reason I'm here. You get out of the way," Tom spits out angrily at the man. "It's okay darling, you can have a picture," he smiles at the girl and she comes back over and he takes a picture with her along with a few other fans and signs some autographs chatting with all of them happily. "Tom, who is the mystery girl you were with a couple weeks ago?" A paparazzi asks once all the fans have disappeared and Tom is getting into the car. "Are the two of you dating?" "She's a friend," Tom smiles before closing the car door. You were more than that or well at least he was hoping you'd be more than that soon. He remembers when he met you, stuck in that elevator, and you called him Peter up until he introduced himself and you learned his real name. You were so sassy, he loved that. You were also so down to earth and you treated him like he was just a normal person. That was harder to come by these days, since he started portraying Spider-Man. The look on your face when he called you MJ was priceless, he will never forget it and he just knew he had to see you again. So he direct messaged you on Instagram the next day and every day for a week, which was finally when you direct messaged him back. He didn't think you were ever going to, so he was so happy when he got on and saw that message from you. You two got together after that and hung out. That had led to getting together several more times, he got along with you so well. You still teased him a lot though, but he wouldn't have it any other way. Unfortunately, the last time he could get together with you before he had to leave New York for a few weeks some paparazzi spotted him with you and completely ruined the day. It took forever to lose them. The next day the headline 'Tom Holland seen on a date with Mystery Girl' was everywhere. All of them basically saying the same thing. Who is this girl? All of them wondering about your career because you aren't an actor or singer, many thought you were a model. You aren't but he thinks you could be one, not that you'd want that. He's finally going to see you again after three weeks. He pulls out his phone and sends you a quick text, 'On my way, see you in a few.' You ended up deleting your Instagram, you didn't want people to find out who you were and that would have happened with him following you. He was happy to give you his phone number though, he trusted you. 'See you soon,' you replied to him with a smiley face. So far you've been adamant on just being friends with him. He's not sure why, he knows you like him as he likes you or at least he's pretty sure you like him as more than a friend. He really could be wrong, he's just hoping he isn't. Either way he was wanting to get out of the friend zone tonight. *** You get up when you hear a knock on your apartment door, "Who is it?" You call out even though you already know who it is. "It's Tom," you hear him yell through the door. You lean against the door, "Tom?" You ask. "I don't know a Tom, I'm afraid you have the wrong apartment." You grin to yourself. You hear him groan, "It's Peter Parker." "Oh Peter! Why didn't you say so?" You giggle as you open the door. "Couldn't help yourself, could you?" He glares at you as he enters the apartment and you shut the door behind him. "No, I really couldn't." You follow him into the sitting area, "Hey, where is my hug? I haven’t seen you in three weeks," you pout. Tom turns around to face you, "A hug? Do you really think you deserve one after that?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. "Yes," you continue to pout and open up your arms waiting for him to give in. He stands there with his arms crossed a few more seconds before he sighs and wraps his arms around you, lifting you off your feet. You giggle as he spins around once before putting you down. You give him a squeeze before letting him go. Who knew Tom Holland would become one of your closest friends? You sure didn't think that when you met him in that elevator. Sometimes you still find it hard to believe. "Sorry it took longer for me to get here, I had a car following me so I had to lose them before coming here." Tom says as he sits on the couch. You roll your eyes and sit down next to him, "I bet so many people wish they could be a fly on the wall wherever you're at." You grab the remote and turn on the TV, its movie night for the two of you and it's Tom's turn to pick. You hand the remote over to him with a smile. "Yes, especially if they knew I was with you." He starts looking through the movies. "They'd just be bored then," you laugh, "nothing interesting to see or hear. We're friends which is exactly what you told everyone. I'm sorry people are still bugging you about it." He smiles at you, "Nothing for you to be sorry for. Every girl I'm seen with is automatically my girlfriend, didn't you know that? Every time I'm seen with Zendaya, we're dating. It doesn't matter how many times we say we are just friends and costars, it goes in one ear and out the other." He puts his arm around you and pulls you against his side. You can't help how your heart rate speeds up or how your stomach twists every time he touches you like this. Lord knows you have tried so hard not to like him like that. You just wish your heart would listen to your brain and be done with it. He finally picks a movie and even though you know you shouldn't, you snuggle into him. As you watch the movie you notice him look at you a few times and you can't help the warmth that comes to your cheeks from your blush, "What?" You finally ask, feeling self-conscious. "Nothing. Am I not allowed to look at you?" He smiles. You feel your cheeks heat up even more from that comment, "No. I mean yes- I mean w-why would you?" You stammer. "Why would I?" He asks with a frown. "Because you're beautiful." You hide your face in his shoulder, "Stop," you mumble. You feel him start to pull away but you latch onto him to keep your face hidden. He starts to laugh, "Seriously, Y/N. Look at me." You shake your head and that's when you feel his hands go to your sides and the tickling begins. You giggle and pull back to fight his hands off. You don't have to fight too hard, he stops a couple seconds after you pull away from him and he smiles, "That's better." He says pushing your hair behind your ear. You turn away and look at the floor, you know your whole face must be beet red. You can tell by how hot your cheeks are. Why must he always do things like this with you? It makes trying not to like him so much harder. "Tickle me again and I'll find a spider to throw on you," you grin as you finally look back up at him. This is how you deal with your feelings, you tease the hell out of him. He fake gasps, "You wouldn't dare." Then he adds more seriously, "Honestly though if you did that, there is a strong possibility that something in your house will get broken by me trying to get it off." He admits. You giggle and cuddle against his side again, "Then you better be good, you're making us miss the movie." You tell him and feel his arm go back around your shoulders so you relax into his side. When the movie finishes you get up and stretch. As the end credit song starts to play you start dancing, feeling content. "This song has a nice little beat," you say shaking your hips with a laugh. Tom grins before getting up and dancing with you. He takes your hand and spins you around before bringing you against him, "It does have a nice beat." You're laughing as you look up at him but you freeze when you make eye contact, his lips are just inches away from yours and he's stopped dancing too. You watch his eyes move to your lips before he leans in and your eyes close as his lips touch yours. Your arms snake around his shoulders and your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. His arms wrap around your waist and he brings your body flush against his making you let out a gasp. You pull away quickly pushing on his chest to get him to loosen his grip on you. You can't believe you let that happen just now. "Sorry." You mumble and try to get free but his arms tighten around you once again. Damn, why does he have to be so strong? "For what?" He asks, you can hear the frown in his voice but you keep your eyes on his chest. You sigh, "For what just happened." "Mm, I'm not. Plus I kissed you, darling." He places his finger under your chin to get you to look at him. "We can't do this, Tom. It'll never work out." You turn your head away again and finally manage to wiggle free from him. "And why is that?" He asks. "Because I'm me and you're you." You walk over to the couch and sit. "We come from different worlds," you cross your arms over your chest as he sits next to you. "No we don't, we come from the same world. We just have different careers, love." He smiles, "So I don't see the problem if I like you and you like me. That is what matters, right?" "That's usually what matters, but people expect you to date a really beautiful actress, singer, or model. Not someone like me." You sigh, feeling frustrated. "Well screw them, then. I can be with whoever I want and I pick the best of all." He smiles and wraps his arms around your waist, "You, and you're gorgeous." Now why does he have to go and say stuff like that to you? It makes you believe this is possible, no matter how much your brain tells you otherwise, your heart wants to believe his words are true. 'What the hell?' you think. You'll never know if it'll work if you don't give it a shot. You really like him and find it harder to just be his friend the more you hang out with him anyway. Who's to say it'll go to shit simply because you aren't a celebrity? Maybe it will work out perfectly, maybe it won't but either way you're willing to give it a try because otherwise you might lose your chance with this amazing man you've grown to care for so much. "Okay Peter," you grin at Tom. "I'm willing to go for it if you are." "I've been willing to go for it MJ." He winks and pulls you in for another kiss. It’s quick but it makes your whole body tingle. You wrap your arms around him, feeling at ease as you snuggle into his side.

So I just thought I’d tag some people who might be interested:

@averyfosterthoughts​, @artsyle​, @photoshopart15​, @peterisparker​, @rebekkah4766​, @jackiehollanderr​, @myr5heart​, @143amberrose​, @mendes-fan​, @peteparkersdarling​, @jdroman5432​, @stxfxniexreads​, @nightxshadex201​, @literalfsngirltrash​, @livingforbarnes

If you want to be a part of my permanent tag list let me know, if you want to be removed just send me a message. Some have already asked to be on my permanent tag list but if your name has a line through it, it means I can’t tag you. 

“Oh, royal library…? Wow… I can imagine that must be extensive… That must have taken you forever to get through… Huh? Wait, you’ve read books from a royal library, yet you would voluntarily read my work?”

"My lengthy lifespan allows me the privilege of working my way through several novels and tomes of various subjects," he nodded. The pretty blush painting her cheeks proved she thought little of herself in relation to such published works. He shook his head in disapproval of her judgment. "Their placement upon those many shelves speaks nothing of their value. That is for the reader to decide. Am I not a man capable of discerning for myself what is worthy of my attention and what is not? Because, little Indie," the edge of his finger hooked underneath her chin to draw her attention back to his warm expression, "I find you very worthy of my sole focus for the foreseeable future."

His hand fell away from underneath her chin to gesture for the bartender to assist them once again. "I assure you that no harm will come to you in my care should you overindulge."

A brief conversation with the young man who approached with a raised brow, and moments later two whiskeys sat before them. A small selection of large bills pressed into the hand of the bartender with an appreciative dip of his chin ended the swift transaction. "To cover both my tab and the lady's. Thank you."

The bewitching little mortal shifted in her seat, bringing her closer to match his assertive stance, although he still towered above her and would continue to do so should she rise to her full height. The size difference compelled him to protect her, this delicate Midgardian whose trust baffled him to no end. Perhaps it was her intoxicated state that made her so comfortable expressing herself. Whatever it was, he enjoyed it immensely.

“Wait, no, that’s not right. Why would I need rescuing from you? You’ve been fine company thus far.” She playfully poked his chest as she admonished him and made eye contact.

In an instant his hand wrapped around her wrist, stilling her hand, swift and secure but gentle so as not to harm her in any capacity. The halting gesture turned into something almost reverent, calloused fingertips gliding over her smooth skin until he cradled her small hand delicately. Slowly he bent over to brush a kiss against her knuckles, an incredibly forward action with his piercing gaze trained on every minute change of her facial expression. "Haven't you heard that I am not to be trusted? God of Mischief, Silvertongue, Liesmith, all signs point to my nefarious motivations for continuing our conversation." He released her from his hold with a fleeting caress of his thumb over the inside of her wrist, straightening to his full height lazily.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, mister. You’re lovely company.” She offered a warm smile, hoping he’d do the same. She’d love to see him with a full grin. With the small smile he’s hiding, she could only imagine how spectacular he’d look teeth and all.

"Of course I am," he winked, "but those who share your sentiment are few and far between. The same compliment can be truthfully applied to yourself, as my evening is all the better for your presence at my side." Almost involuntarily his smile grew in response to her earnestness. A dart of his tongue wet his lips before he covered his mouth with his glass, taking another sip of the liquid fire scorching a path to the twisting thrill of her company making a home for itself in his stomach.

“I’ll admit, I’m not here alone or of my own volition… My friends dragged me out because they wanted me to get drunk and have fun. I’m not normally a club girl, but tonight it paid off.” She cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow playfully as she looked at him. “And just to be clear, I’m talking about you. You made tonight worth it.” She watched his facial expression, hoping she wasn’t overstepping any boundaries in her friendly endeavours.

A shout of revelry echoed about the bar, clearly originating from his oaf of a brother surrounded by the other Avengers. At least the display did not precede the destruction of property.

"Your friends are nowhere to be seen," he mused thoughtfully, searching the crowd for anyone who might be unusually interested in their conversation. Finding no one to come whisk his companion away, his grin turned mischievous when directed back to Indie. "You are very clear, I assure you." At least he allowed his eyes to dip down to her chest, taking notice of the cleavage presented to him from her position without any attempt at hiding his interest. "And I hope I am as well."

Another barrage of questions spilled from her mouth and he chuckled, taking another drink of his whiskey to compose his thoughts. One finger straightened from the nearly empty glass to gesture at Thor, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, and Sam Wilson drinking and chatting away with a group of admirers. "Our situations are similar. Thor believed it in my best interest to spend time with the others, to improve team morale or my public persona, but my time was admittedly feeling wasted until fate should bring us together.

"And now that I have interrupted the course of your evening and plied you with liquor a bit beyond your level of tolerance, my plans have shifted from suffering their foolish behavior for the far more pleasant and important task of ensuring your safety. I intend to escort you home, if that is agreeable to you." Sincere concern softened the edges of his cool mask. "It would put me at ease to know that you are safe."

-Loki

(Sorry I took so long to reply! Life happened. So, I may have gotten just as carried away as you; I hope it is satisfactory because I also had a blast replying to you!)

Indie blushed like mad when the edge of Loki’s finger brushed against her skin. His gesture was intimate; it made her breath hitch and her heart still for a moment. He was smooth and she was starting to notice.

“...Because, little Indie," the edge of his finger hooked underneath her chin to draw her attention back to his warm expression, "I find you very worthy of my sole focus for the foreseeable future."

If that line wasn’t a panty-dropper, then she didn’t know what was. She bit back a smile and chose not to comment, accepting his compliment.

"I assure you that no harm will come to you in my care should you overindulge."

“Oh, whiskey,” she purred, tipsy and very pleased. “You’re a fast learner, aren’t you, Lokes?” She mindlessly gave him a nickname before sipping her drink. She had the tendency to give people nicknames, especially when she was drunk. This was only the beginning.

Initially, the way he grabbed her wrist frightened her, and in her inebriated state, her reaction time was slow and useless, but he yet again proved to have pure intentions. The last thing Indie expected from a near-stranger (what the heck, she knew his name) in a bar, was being kissed so tenderly to the knuckles, prince-charming style. How gallant, how romantic and how intimate he was. He was making her feels things she had no business feeling. He was an attractive guy and how she held his attention for so long was beyond her, but she’d enjoy every moment while it lasted.

"Haven't you heard that I am not to be trusted? God of Mischief, Silvertongue, Liesmith, all signs point to my nefarious motivations for continuing our conversation." He released her from his hold with a fleeting caress of his thumb over the inside of her wrist, straightening to his full height lazily.

She whined quietly to herself. Why did she always fall for the bad boys and why were they always so damn attractive and tempting? Besides that, why did he keep saying he was not to be trusted when he’s done nothing but be honest all night? She decided to humour him and play along with his self-deprecating shtick. “Well, I have nothing to lose, Mr Nefarious.” She spat the name sarcastically, hating the stereotypes he was branded with. If she had the permission she would have bapped him on the head plenty of times for speaking ill of himself. She wasn’t drunk enough to do it, but she was getting there.

When he mentioned the Avengers, she was a bit too far gone to filter her words. “Oh right! You’re friends with the Avengers! Hey Loki, next time you see Thor,” she paused, feeling the nerves bubble in her stomach, “can you please tell him to take it easy with the lightning and the thunder?” She shivered and pressed her lips into a frown. “I hate thunderstorms. They’re scary,” she muttered to herself, sounding childlike in her request and complaint.

"And now that I have interrupted the course of your evening and plied you with liquor a bit beyond your level of tolerance, my plans have shifted from suffering their foolish behaviour for the far more pleasant and important task of ensuring your safety. I intend to escort you home if that is agreeable to you." Sincere concern softened the edges of his cool mask. "It would put me at ease to know that you are safe."

She pouted and resisted his efforts to make her go home. “Nooooo,” she whined as she propped her elbow up on the bar counter, her head lazily supported by her hand. “Not yettt,” she complained. “You can be my gallant, tall, dark and handsome hero later, I promise. For now, let’s have fun!” She exclaimed, shooting her arms up in the air and throwing her head back. She giggled before taking her glass in hand and sipping her whiskey. Her eye widened mid-sip when a new song started playing in the club. She managed to down the remainder of her drink in one impressive gulp and jumped off her stool.

“Ah! I love this song! It’s my jam!” She exclaimed and grabbed Loki’s hand, tugging him off his stool too. “Come and dance with meeeeee! Just one song, please? I promise you can play bodyguard and take me home afterwards!” She pulled him onto the dance floor, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks, in her body, in her head and in her soul. She felt loose and free.

Come here, girl. (Go 'head be gone with it)

Come to the back. (Go 'head be gone with it)

VIP. (Go 'head be gone with it)

Drinks on me. (Go 'head be gone with it)

Indie danced like no one was watching. Her heart raced as she danced with her handsome stranger; she’s always wanted to do this: catch the attention of a hot guy, drink with him, get to know him, and dance with him. Loki was like her fucking jackpot and she was revelling in every second of it.

Let me see what you're twerkin' with; (Go 'head be gone with it)

Look at those hips. (Go 'head be gone with it)

You make me smile. (Go 'head be gone with it)

Go 'head child. (Go 'head be gone with it)

She looked up at Loki, mouthing the words, not at all internalising the meaning of the song. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her waist, swaying to the music without a care in the world. She lazily slung her arms around his shoulders, bringing her body close to him. Dancing with him was such a thrill.

And, get your sexy on. (Go 'head be gone with it)

Get your sexy on. (Go 'head, be gone with it)...

- Indie

Please Don’t Regret Me - 6. The L in CALM

Please Don’t Regret Me - 6. The L in CALM

Words: 3141

No Warnings.

This feels like a filler chapter instead of what I had intended to be the last. So with that being said, there will be one and final chapter of Please Don’t Regret Me and I hope this one doesn’t suck to much. Thanks!

The early morning’s first rays of sunlight eased their way into Nelle’s LA hotel room. The drum and bass heavy beginning notes of The Black Keys’ Dead and Gone startled Nelle out of her sleep. 

“Fuck” she groaned as she tried to turn her stiff body towards the nightstand where her phone was continuing to play the alarm. Through her hazy and clearly hungover mind, she wondered why she couldn’t move her lower body. It wasn’t until she looked under the covers through groggy eyes to see an arm was holding her down by her waist. Her amber eyes followed the arm to the rest of the body. Luke was turned to her, blonde curls covering his face, light snores excelling from him. She heaved his arm off of her and made haste with shutting off her alarm. Her head was pounding as she got up from the bed. She held onto the nightstand when her body swayed gently, her balance totally askew. It was almost like a Ninja Warrior obstacle course just to get to the bathroom.

Nelle emerged from the bathroom almost an hour later. A towel wrapped around her head, another around her body, her mind now somewhat clearer than it had been when she first opened her eyes. She tiptoed around as she got dressed, brushed the tangles out her hair, and did concealer around her dark circles. Just as she had started packing up her belongings, Luke began to stir in his sleep. She froze mid action while putting last night’s clothes in her luggage. 

She hadn't realized she was holding her breath until he positioned himself into a more comfortable spot. 

Suddenly, Luke startled awake. Nelle jumped and squeaked in surprise but he hadn't seemed to see or hear her. Luke rubbed his eyes quickly, then used his hands to pat the comforter around him. 

"Nelle?" He uttered in complete sadness and confusion, his head hanging down. Nelle cleared her throat and the blond boy in front of her shot his head up so fast he almost hit it on the headboard. He smiled lazily in her direction as he ran a hand through his curls. "Hey." He said. 

Nelle returned the greeting and tried to smile back but she was sure it came out as a grimace. Luke didn't even seem to notice. He was just in awe of the girl who he had spent the night with. Even when she excused herself to gather something from the bathroom, he made sure to keep his eyes on her. It took a few times of Nelle folding clothes and walking around her room for Luke to finally become aware of what was happening.  

"W-what are you doing?" He stuttered. She finished folding a white t-shirt that Luke immediately recognized. She put it down gently on top of a small pile of clothes at the edge of the bed. 

"My flight is at 12. I'm about to head out. Don't worry though, the room is good until two, but if you need it for longer, just call the front desk. My card is on file; It’ll be fine." She said so nonchalantly that Luke could only gape at her. She gestured to the folded clothes. "Change of clothes." She added. "This was still in my suitcase from the last tour."

Luke scoffed. If Nelle heard it, she pretended not to. "I'm returning your Zeppelin shirt too." Her eyes flickered to the white shirt that was on top of the stack. 

When Luke didn't say anything, Nelle took it as her cue to leave. She hated being late, especially to the airport. As she turned to her suitcase, Luke finally spoke. 

"So that's it then?" He questioned, in anger. He wished he hadn't slept naked because he felt this was a conversation he needed to be standing for. He didn't know where his clothes were and he didn't want to seem like a klutz getting out of bed so he stayed put.

Nelle halted just a bit away from the bed and faced the singer.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Isn't that all you wanted?" She knew it wasn’t, but she felt that that was all she could give him at the moment. He was a fucking celebrity and with the release of Youngblood, he was more popular than ever. 

Nelle immediately regretted her comeback as soon as Luke's blue eyes closed and he turned his head away to compose himself. 

"I have to go. I never said I was going to stay." Nelle tried to reason. 

Luke eyed her suspiciously though his eyes looked like glassy orbs through the tears he was struggling to hold in. "So you’re not even going to try to make this work?

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to make work, Luke.” she calmly stated but her hand tightened on the handle of her suitcase. Luke shook his head. “If you have something to say… then just say it. I’m not going to try to figure you out or put words in your mouth.” 

When Luke didn’t say anything, just stared at Nelle with the coldest blue eyes she’s ever seen, she turned away and left.

-----

**3 months later, New York**

The months had passed slowly and drab. Winter always felt so long, so cold, so depressing… If anyone would have told Nelle that after Christmas, New York went from magical to just another cold day, she would have hopped on the first plane to Australia… but no one had and she had missed her chance to visit her family. This wasn’t her first Christmas that she’d gone without spending it with her family, but all those other times, she’d at least had “the boys.” 

She sighed as she waltzed around her kitchen, putting the finishing touches on her and Sasha’s spaghetti dinner. Sasha would come prancing in any minute now from yet another photo shoot. Nelle had kept busy since returning from tour with her online Yale classes, a few small side jobs as a book intern, manager at a coffee cafe, and a PA at several various businesses, but nothing ever stuck. She wasn’t going to lie… she missed the touring. She thought retirement from the music world would be relief. Now all she had was this itch to zoom to and from places, literally schedule everything down to Michael’s next breath, use her customer service voice on asshats who thought they knew better, and best of all, spending every second of her time with four of the noisiest, fartiest, annoyingest boys.

Her thoughts lingered on Luke for a brief moment. She tried not to think too much about him. After leaving him naked in LA, they had shared a few intense, mostly one word, text messages and then zilch. He couldn’t find the words to express his feelings, which confounded Nelle because he was a damn songwriter and had written all these love songs for the band, yet, when it came to expressing how he felt towards her all he had to say was You should have stayed. 

She wasn’t necessarily heartbroken, but she ached for him and his hair and his scent and their late night conversations and Brooklyn Nine-Nine marathons and dumb pranks on Calum. 

Nelle was plating their food when she heard the lock of her apartment door jiggle and then turn loudly. Sasha dashed in, her heavy winter coat already falling off her body as she went through the door. Sasha slammed the door behind her, dropping her purse, phone, and whatever else onto her coat. 

“Hey Hey!” she greeted quickly as she ran towards the bathroom in Nelle’s bedroom. “Sorry! Subway took forever! And you know how I feel about public restrooms!” Nelle heard Sasha call out from the distance. She chuckled as she went over to pick up her friend’s items from the floor. 

Plates full of spaghetti and meatballs, glasses of wine, and the next episode of Gossip Girl was ready by the time Sasha emerged from the bedroom. She walked slowly in a daze and plopped down on the sofa next to Nelle. Nelle grabbed the remote from next to her and was about to start the show, when her friend quickly took the remote from Nelle.

“If you want to watch something else, just say so… I thought we were going to start season four today.” Nelle grumbled before slurping a forkful of noodles in her mouth. Sasha didn’t respond, just reached into the hoodie she’d put on in Nelle’s room, and pulled out two boxes.

It took more than a second or two for Nelle to realize what she was looking at.

“I  wasn’t snooping, I swear!” Sasha began. “I was just looking for a tampon… and I found these.” Sasha looked down at the boxes of pregnancy tests she was holding. “Is there something you want to tell me?” she asked cautiously, taking a quick glance at Nelle’s stomach and back up to her amber eyes.

The brunette sighed as she placed her plate of food down on the coffee table. She sat up straight afterwards facing Sasha, her best friend and closest confidant… 

"I'm sorry." Nelle started, dropping her head. Her waves tumbled forward, covering her embarrassed face. "It was just a scare. I panicked when it was nearly two months since having my period and I might have missed a day or two of my birth control while we were on tour. I bought a ton of tests and took like three of them.

"I got mixed results and I went to the doctor. She confirmed that I wasn't and the positive ones could have been faulty or expired tests. Turns out CVS doesn't always toss their expired pregnancy tests. 

"I changed to an IUD though. So that's a plus. No kids for me for another five years… maybe. But I didn't tell you because it was nothing to worry about. And I didn't want to deal with the reactions."

Nelle nervously looked up, peering through her hair to peek at Sasha. Sasha was still as stone, almost like a Greek statue. 

"My reactions?" Sasha questioned, her head slightly tilting to the right. 

Nelle nodded. 

"Yeah… you know… the mixed reactions of disappointment in whether you are or aren't or happy because you are… or aren't. I came out negative and I was happy. I just… I don't know." Nelle hung her head again, defeated. "I just didn’t think it was anything to tell and honestly, I forgot to throw away the extra tests."

Sasha shrugged her shoulders. Nelle could see her friend trying to work her situation in her head and thought that the subject was dropped when Sasha started scarfing down her food and the next episode of Gossip Girl. 

It was halfway into the episode that Sasha suddenly paused the show and turned to Nelle, her eyebrows furrowed deeply with concern. 

"Okay, I'm fine with your decision to not have told me. I'm sure if you were, it would have been different circumstances blah, blah, blah. I'm curious though. Why would you think you were preggo though? I haven't seen you with anyone in… well… forever. And I know you didn't hook up with that Daniel guy."

Nelle shrugged her shoulders, leaving a confused expression on Sasha’s face. Sasha then looked around the room suddenly, trying to find anything out of place or something that didn’t look like Nelle’s interior style.

“You haven’t had sex in ages… probably since you were in One Direction tabloid news for dating Zayn… Are you seeing someone?! Please don’t tell me it was a roadie guy!” 

Nelle laughed, shaking her head at the same time at her friend’s ridiculous accusation.

“No, it was not a roadie… Honestly, I didn’t think anything was going to happen. We’re so restricted about our feelings, but the tension is always there. I thought before I departed the first time, with us rooming together all the time, maybe one of us would finally spill the beans about our feelings, but it never happened. Then Ash had his party and Luke was just there. Maybe it was the drinking or maybe in that moment… or moments, if you know what I mean, I just didn’t care. But we haven’t really spoken since. I kind of did walk out on him. He wanted me to stay, but I didn’t want to. He makes it seems like I owe it to him to stay and follow him around everywhere; could be because I did that for fucking years… but that was my damn job. It wouldn’t fucking hurt him to do the same for me. He’s just as capable of following me across the country as I am for him.”

Nelle gulped in some air, not sure where the sudden rush of words had come from, but Sasha had nothing to say in that moment. All she could do was gape at her. Her mouth wide open, her eyes almost popped out their sockets. 

With a hand over her mouth, Sasha mumbled “shit” about five times, then let out a laugh. The girl cackled for a minute, making Nelle scoot away from her awkwardly.

“Fuckin’ hell. Nelle… fucking Luke?!” Sasha began, a short chortle escaped her mouth again. “I knew it. You were acting hella weird on the plane ride back. You totally ignored the group chat when Ash sent that pic of those lacy undies asking Who the hell had sex in my laundry room?!. Any time Cal facetimes and Luke is in the background, you suddenly have something to do in another room. You stare at his texts for waaaaay too long before typing something and then deleting it only to answer back with one or two words. I should have paid more attention. Fuck, dude.”

“It was one night, Sash. It was the best fucking night ever. And I don’t know what to do. I’m acting like he barely exists because he can’t tell how he feels about me. I see it on his face, I see it in some of his actions, but he can’t ever just tell me ‘Nelle, I like you… like I like you, like you!’” Nelle felt a hard lump in her throat and tried to sniffle it away. “I lied to you when I said that he didn’t write any songs on Youngblood about me. Calum confirmed half that shit is about me, written and recorded that very day I quit on them.”

Sasha reached over, taking Nelle’s hands in her’s. She pressed on them gently, rubbing small circles with her thumbs for comfort. Her eyes were sympathetic. 

“I’m sorry, kid.” she said softly. “I don’t know how I can make this better.”

----------

**Australia**

It was December and the start of summer. Calum sighed as he adjusted himself on his couch, another episode of some documentary he had on for noise had just begun. He wondered how his girlfriend was faring. He knew New York was cold and he hadn’t understood why she was so insistent on remaining there for the holidays, but he sensed maybe it had to do with not wanting to leave Nelle by herself.

Speaking of Nelle, he had barely talked to her in the weeks since she had left LA after Ashton’s party. She wasn’t cold-shouldering him. He knew there was something keeping her distant, he just couldn’t pinpoint it. He had asked Sasha, but she had no idea herself either. 

Calum looked towards the wall that separated his side of the duplex he shared with Nelle. Another sigh escaped his lips before there was a knock on his front door. Calum lazily swung his body off his couch. He adjusted his basketball shorts before opening the door.

Luke, curls a long, yellow mess, dark circles under his eyes, wrinkled clothes, was on the other side of the door. Calum didn’t say anything, just stepped aside to let the taller fellow in. Calum, like every other day that Luke came over in this state, went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water while the blond made himself comfortable on Calum’s couch.

When Calum returned to the living room, Luke had taken over the couch he had been on, switching the channels on the television. He set the glass on the coffee table in the middle of the room. Luke eyed it, but made no attempt to take a drink. 

This was becoming a new norm for them since they returned to Australia. Ashton still remained in LA and Michael was doing some traveling for another week, not sure where his next stop was going to be.

“How was therapy?” Calum asked, starting small talk, as he took the couch adjacent to the one Luke was laying on. Luke shrugged his shoulders. “Did you even go?” he asked, concerned.

“Yeah.” Luke answered softly, not letting his eyes flicker off the TV. “Same as last week. Doc says I’m in a void since we’re not touring. I don’t know how to keep myself busy.”

Calum raised an eyebrow, letting his eyes roam his friend’s attire. Luke was wearing a t-shirt that he recognized from Nelle’s wardrobe, shorts that were extremely wrinkled, and a pair of converse with unmatched socks.

“Did she also comment on how you haven’t changed out that outfit for two weeks?” 

Luke scoffed. “I washed it, asshole.”

Calum snickered with a shake of his head. 

The two didn’t say much afterwards; they watched whatever sitcom Luke had put on. Luke was drifting into a nap, when Calum’s phone vibrated on the coffee table, startling him. Calum chuckled at him before grabbing his phone to see who was contacting him.

Sasha’s name followed by a pink heart emoji appeared on his screen. He was concerned and confused. Because of the ten hour time difference, it had been a bit hard to communicate between the couple. Sometimes Sasha was barely waking up and Calum was going to sleep or vice versa. It had been difficult to find a time that suited them both. He swiped his phone screen to open the message.

Cal… I figured out the problem.

Nelle and Luke slept together. Ash’s party. 

Calum gulped, a rush of fury came and went so fast followed by surprise, annoyance, and finally calm. No wonder Luke has been acting so weird and always looked at Nelle’s side of the duplex with such damn longing. 

He peered up at Luke from over his phone as he sent a quick text back.

he’s here now. wat do i say?

Sasha’s reply came faster than Calum had anticipated.

You better get him here now with a bouquet of roses and fucking love letter the length of the equator and he better BEG on his hands and knees for the requited love of Eleanor Padilla.

Survey #251

apologies the formatting is fucked up, oof.

How many smurfs can you name? Zero. Have you ever fully eradicated a bad habit that you had? Uhhh maybe? I'm not sure. The radio is playing U2, The Defects, Echo & the Bunnymen, The Pointer Sisters, Staubkind, and Dr. Dre. on different stations. Which band are you most likely to listen to? I only know U2 (and do NOT like them), Dr. Dre, and one song by E&TB; I don't know the others. I guess I'd pick whichever song sounded most appealing. Miracle on 34th Street, original or remake? Never seen it. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you turn the bass up all the way in your car (or would you if you had a car) and blast the music? Ew, no. That shit's obnoxious. What keeps you from being happy? I'm quiiiite sad of an adult. I want to feel worth something, do something. If you could go back in time and talk to yourself five years ago what would you say to yourself (You can only stay in the past for FIVE MINUTES so make it COUNT!)? At that time, Jason and I would still be together, so I'd try to nail it into my head that I can't put my happiness entirely in another person's hands and that I have to have faith in myself and my own strength. AND ESPECIALLY to not give up, to keep trying harder every day. Five minutes wouldn't be enough. What websites are addictive to you? I'd go bonkers without YouTube, and I go through Tumblr binges, but then don't go on for a few days. I have to check KM daily, but it's not really an "addictive" thing, but rather the admin instinct of I have to make sure everything is in order. I check Facebook habitually, but only like, once or twice a day. Who do you never want to end up like? It's... sad to say, but in a lot of ways, my mom. Her life's just been super, super unfair. As a person she's mostly lovely, but as far as luck, happiness, and success goes, sometimes it feels like the whole world's against her. What will you never ever do again? Turn another person into my whole entire universe. What’s the most terrible lie someone could tell you? Something regarding Jason, I'm sure. Probably like, he said he never loved me or something. Even knowing that's absolute shit, PTSD is a ride and I'd. Lose my absolute shit and obsess over "well what if he really didn't." What was the last thing that you printed out? Stuff for my Women Writers class. We print out SO much shit there. I feel like I've alone killed at least seven trees by now, and we don't have a choice but to print the readings out. What do you look forward to each day? M a r k/Unus Annus video boiz. What’s the best song to listen to after a break up? "It depends on the context of your breakup." <<<< This. The radio is playing Poison, Inxs, the Psychadelic Furs, Dio, and Matchbox 20 on different stations. What do you listen to? AHHHHHHHHH Poison, my friends. Do you know what it’s like to take care of someone else? Not really, I guess? But yes to a degree: I've babysat twice, and I assume that counts, and then when Jason had bronchitis, I would barely let the dude leave the bed. Would you rather take care of someone or be taken care of? I don't know, I guess it depends on what's wrong? What is the worst 80’s song in your opinion? You're asking someone who loves '80s music. I'm sure there are some pop-ish/more mainstream ones I don't like, but idk off the very top of my head. What song makes you so happy that just want to dance and dance and DANCE? None. What has been your most beautiful magical memorable cloud nine manic ecstatic incredibly happy bouncy air-light moment of this life??? Slow-dancing to "Stairway to Heaven" w/ Jason out in my yard in his headlights the night of prom. It's the reason I absolutely, entirely, 100% cannot listen to the song anymore, no chance. Do you go out of your way for other people? Depends on the person. What’s your favorite short story? I don't know. Have do you feel about beauty pageants? I fucking hate them. It always just feeds the standards of society and makes both women and men hate their bodies. It also puts far too much emphasis on the "importance" of appearance versus personality. What is your favorite DIY related website? I don't do/watch DIY stuff. Do you bruise easily? Very very, but not the ones you usually see clearly. I don't know how my anemia test came back negative. What kind of bread do you like? Pumpernickel is entirely the supreme type, I love potato bread too, I enjoy wheat... Are your air and water as pure as you want them to be? Idk about air, but I'd suppose so; we live in a rural area. Our tap water, I'm positive no. There's some weird shit with our water. The smell is fucking disgusting, like pure iron, but supposedly it's clean... We've had it tested a few times, but there is SOMETHING wrong with it. Would you ever visit an insect zoo? Sure, if they couldn't get on me. Can you enjoy life without stimulants (coffee, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol)? All of those, yes. Does caffeine count? If so, I'm sure I could, but it'd be very hard. How much thought do you put into your dance moves? I don't dance, so like... zero. What is something you want to improve on this year? Just how much I care about others' perceptions of me, mainly over the most trivial of things. If you could, would you want to stay young forever? No, considering I want to die one day. Immortality sounds ew. What is/was your worst subject in school? Mathematics. Are you a sarcastic person? Oh yeah. What role does religion play in your life? A small one. It helps that my religion (or at least the one I relate closest to, Neo-Paganism) doesn't have the most strict doctrine, therefore allowing a lot of wiggle room varying from person to person. Can you sleep with your eyes open? No. In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? "Broadcast From Beyond the Grave: Death Inc." by Motionless In White. What was the last thing you shared with someone else? I shared some fries with my mom last time we grabbed fast food. While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? I don't care, UNLESS I'm showing someone a new game and therefore I know what to click and such to set the game up; in that case, I prefer to be player one. Otherwise, I don't care at all. What is the most difficult word for you to pronounce? HA, currently, my Biology professor's last name. I obviously won't share it, but I always fuck it up. What did you have to do for the last homework you were assigned? I have to watch a movie - The Suffragette - for Women Writers for when I missed it that week I was away from school. What was the last important thing that you thought about? I think if Mom and I really should stock up on food and TP, but to an actually realistic degree. You hear so many different voices on how bad this pandemic is really gonna be. Personally, I think it's an extreme overreaction, but what do I know. I haven't researched. Generally, do you call people, or wait for them to call you? I wait. I hate talking on the phone. Has anyone ever questioned your sanity? I'm sure, including my gd self. I'm 99.99% sure at one point in the breakup's aftermath, I actually was insane by definition. Especially now that I'm mostly recovered, looking back I'm just like... "hun." How many people do you depend on? Just my mom, really, but to a dangerous degree. How many people do you think depend on you? I feel like my mom does, to an extent anyway. I'm the only person who lives with her and I know she loves me, so I'm company for her. Especially now that she has cancer, she's really gonna depend on me during chemo and surgery. What is the worst color combination? Uhhh maybe like. Puke green and brown? Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? Yeah, but nothing severely. At what age did you develop an interest in the opposite [or same] sex? Idk. I was "ew, boys" until I think... late elementary school. Girls, I had my bi crisis in the 8th grade. Then came the denial and shoving into the very back of my skull. I came out as bi though late '17. Are you or members of your family religious? I think my entire family is but me. Well, correction, I have like a mild connection to religion, but definitely not Christianity like the rest. When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? Good question. It's not something I really bother with anymore. Like, I can curve around things I don't want to share, but I don't fake what I do reveal. When was the last time that you cleaned your room? Actually! I vacuumed and dusted yesterday. Or the day before, not sure. How many hats do you own/wear? Either none or one, in which case it would be a Carolina Hurricanes' cap as a memento I got from one of the hockey games Dad and I went to. Did the last song you listened to hold any special meaning? I actually don't recall what it was. Are you experiencing problems within a current relationship? No. When you’re upset, who do you turn to? Usually Mom. Does winter weather depress you? Noooo! Who was the last person that you called? Me mother. What product was being advertised on the last commercial you saw? I haven't watched TV in forever. When you think about your last relationship, what song comes to mind? "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Van Halen REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Are there any lyrics to describe your current crush/relationship? Eh. Who in your life makes you the most uncomfortable? Probably my sister's husband, really. I don't think he likes me at all. Treats me decently to my face, but I have my reasons to believe so. Do you ever receive comments on your weight? Not unless I'm at the doctor. Occasionally people who know me well comment I've lost weight, but it hasn't really happened lately now that my weight's slightly risen for who the actual fuck knows why. Don't get me started. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Uhhh just for that sole purpose, don't think so. When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Listen to music or sleep. What was the last lie that you believed in? I don't want to focus on it. What band would you most like to meet? OZZY. LET ME SEE MY DAD. What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? Psychology notes. Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? Yes. Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? YES. How many people have you talked to today? Just Mom. We woke up in the middle of the night to screeching tires outside; someone lost control of their car because dumbasses go lightning speed around this cure we live on. When you go camping, do you sleep in a tent or an RV? Never legitimately been camping. What’s one ridiculous thing that you do? Let anxiety ruin a lot of opportunities. Do you feel that you must wear makeup to be attractive? Ehhh no, depending on your taste. Ever done anything dangerous while driving with someone else in the car? I don’t drive. Name someone you wish you could be closer with? There's a handful of old high school friends/acquaintances I have on Facebook I really wanna rekindle relationships with. I think I especially would like to get to know Courtlynn better. We seem very similar. What’s unique about your city or town? Its name is shared with a town in Tennessee. Are you a momma’s girl/boy? I'm very close to my mom. What is your favorite dance to do? *shrugs* What is your favorite song to sing? I don't really sing along with songs, but I suppose "Disguise" by MiW. It holds meaning to me and I also just love the chorus. Is English your 1st language? Yes. Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? I DO NOT know why I remember this, but one time she told me that a boy in her class kept saying the same word repeatedly so many times that it became the only word he could say. It scared me, lmao. Where is the biggest scar on your body? I'd assume at the very bottom of my pelvis where I had surgery. I can't actually see it, but cleaning the area let me know it was kinda long. Do you have a yahoo account? No. Is your mom prettier than you? This is such a mean question, tf. What do you think about guys shaving their legs? You shave whatever you want, boo. Are you a violent person? Not at all, if you don't include my insane nightmares/terrors/whatever they qualify as. Those are always violent. Do you like word searches and cross word puzzles? I do. Have you ever gone to a private school? Yes, my college.

ITS HECKIN TWISTED APPRECIATION WEEK SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS (part 1/2)

“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT I’M GONNA YELL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK LIKE I DID LAST WEEK BC TWISTED IS A GOOD HECKING MUSICAL WITH A GOOD HECKING SOUNDTRACK

(Now with favorite lines! bc why not, right?) (favorite lines either there bc I like the lyrics in that part or I really like how it sounds within the song)

I’m not a professional music person (I’ve been in band for several years and I’m pretty good, but I don’t know anything about music theory or anything abt singing) but AH WELL, I LIKE RANTING ABT MY SPECIAL INTERESTS AND THE INTERNET IS A GOOD PLACE TO FEEL LIKE I’M TALKING TO SOMEONE, SO HERE WE GO

(also there’s definitely going to be Twisted spoilers under the cut (for act one, at least), so watch out if you haven't seen it)

(also also I split this into two parts bc it’s getting late and as you can see by how this progresses, I got sleep deprived quickly plus it got way too long. This is part one with all the first act songs, part two will have the second act songs and should be up by tomorrow.)

OK THE OPENING NUMBER RIGHT?? THE INSTRUMENTALS?? THE HARMONIES??? THE GENERAL SAJKFDASJKFHDSJK???!?!? Like, it literally sounds like a Disney song but they cuss! It’s amazing!! (And all the citizens?? Comedy gold, every one of them, I swear) (AND THE FUCKINGJDSJKJDSKL SOPRANO PART???!? I’M C R Y I N G I FORGOT WHAT HER NAME WAS BUT SHES SUCH A GOOD SINGER THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOICE)

Favorite lines: 

“May the Rats ejaculate upon you!” “Thank you, thank you very much!”

“Why is everyone in the kingdom white?” “Uhh... Jafar?” 

“But ugliness permits a man to use his wits, ‘cause pretty people never have to try”

“UGLY OLD JAFAR!!”

pretty much  the whole song past the line “Why am I the only one who sees things as they are?”

Specifically “I want to be a cat!” “Wha-” “FUCK YOU!”

But more specially “Whistle while you swallow a spoonful of sugar and your dreams will come true upon a star!!!!” bc OH MY GOD IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Everyone listing how they want Jafar to die

ALSO SPECIALLY THE LAST 30 SECONDS BC AHJSAHJKADS (everything at and past the lines “and if we dream a little harder/ our patience and our honor...” etc.)

OK I STEAL EVERYTHING TIME! ULTIMATE CHAOS SONG, AND I LOVE. BE THE EVIL GREMLIN YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Also: the jazziness?? the opening instrumentals??? it’s so good. To the people playing the instrumentals for this musical: ,,,thank you,,,.,. (Also I learned recently that most of Jeff’s songs are in my range so guess who’s gonna try and learn this song?)

Favorite lines:

“Fetch, ya fucks!”

Did I mention the instrumentals?? bc hfhhhjdklsajk They seem simple but they’re also going ham and I love it

“Monkey thought we should just kill you, but I said ‘No, monkey, that’s crazy’ but now I’m thinking, yeah, no more fucking raisins...’“

“Thanks but no, thanks, ‘The Man’“

Honestly every line in this is golden, but I can’t put them all in and that sucks

“You’re only in trouble if you get caught!” “Aladdin?” “I’m in trouble!”

“Just one question, why, man?” “’Cause you stole my daughter’s hymen!” “That’s completely fair, but, in my defense, dude, your daughter’s hot!”

EVERYTHING AND MOOREE!!! SHE WANTS IT ALL AND I’M CRYING BC SHE SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL WHILE DOING SO. (I just realized that there’s 14 songs on this soundtrack and I’m sorry in advance for how long this post A) already is and B) is going to get) This song is so dramatic and that somehow fits the mood of her character and I love it so much and just ahdshjkds. Also it’s just?? So pretty????

Favorite lines:

“But it’s just like, whatever”

“I just want to be free so badly! You slaves could never understand. :(”

“You’re probably thinking, she’s got everything. Well, it’s true, ‘cause I do, but so the fuck what?”

“I WANT THE MOON! I WANT TO LIVE ON THE MOON! And eat it in a pie! And keep it as a pet! and wear it like a gemstone in my hair!”

“As I laugh in their faces of moonbeam pie!!”

“It’s enough to make me with I were lowly and poor... But like... with money!”

THA GOLDEN FUCJKLCIODIGN RULE. LIKE HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. AND THE DANCING THEY DO WITH IT IN THE SHOW ITSELF??? IT’S THE BEST. THE FIUCUING BEST. I’M CRYING. THE DANCING IS SO  GOOD. AND SO IS THIS SONG. Also, it’s the #1 Starkid song I’d be comfortable showing to my mom, which is a definite plus! (I could also show this to my church pastor and he’d?? definitely like it, so that’s also a definite plus) And everyone’s so nice to Jafar, espically compared to the opening number and it just makes me so sad and let me give Jafar a hug, goddammit. ALSO also please let me meet the saxophone player and shake his hand, I don’t play saxophone but what he’s doing here is amazing. WAIT ALSO ALSO ALSO MAY I MEET THAT FLUTE PLAYER BC I’M JUST NOW HEARING THE FLUTE (AND HOW DID I NOT NOTICE IT BEFORE, I PLAY THAT INSTRUMENT???) AND I’M FUCJKIGDFONG HOLY SHIT JSUT FUCKINGJDSJKL ;BOUNCE AROUND ON THOSE NOTES WHY DON’T YOU I’M SAJDSKCDSJS

Favorite lines:

“Why it’s as easy as a 1,2,3,4!”

“Always treat others like sisters and brothers!” 

all of the lines just sound so good, I can’t choose 

The way Dylan Saunders says “Man” that that first time, like holy shit

The whole conversation between Omar and the thief

[completely monotone] “My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal.”

AND THEN OMAR AND THE THIEF SING THE PART AND IT SOUNDS SO GOOD

The “boop boop bop doop zeep do-wow!” in the background during that part

“Good luck Jafar! And! Re! Mem! Ber!”

And then the whole ensemble sings it and it sounds so good

oh good god we’re not even 5 songs in yet i’m so sorry 

GOLDEN RULE: EVIL REPRISE, OR, AS I CALL IT, “GOLDEN RULE WENT EMO BUT I STILL LOVE AND SUPPORT THEM”. Those dissonant sounds at the beginning? beautiful. All the random evil laughter? amazing. Whatever the heck the saxophonist is doing at the end? breathtaking, give me more. Joe Walker’s voice?? just fucking dhdsfjkfdlashjdsfklhfdsjkl

Favorite lines:

“Lets him rule the land WITH an iron fist!”

“The prize for winning? MORE GOLD, HAHA! And the game begins again!”

[sarcastically] “’Follow the golden rule’? Boy don’t be such a fool!”

“Follow the gold! Follow the gold! Follow the gold!” “AND RUUULE!!”

DID I MENTION THAT FUCKING SAXOPHONE PLAYER BC DUDE FUCKING AHSDJKDFS

the final “And Rule!”

Don’t be fooled bc this one is so short, it’s nearing midnight for me and also this song is really short. In reality, I fucking love this song and it’s one of my absolute favorite starkid villain songs and also one of my absolute favorites from this musical.

A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS IS SOME FUCKINGNDSKLJ; GOOD SHIT I’M. Also, I don’t listen to it enough, so I’m giving y’all a running commentary as I listen to it for the first time outside of watching the whole musical 1) I love accidentals and key changes, and i’m,,, crying just the first verse is so good already, why haven’t I listened to this song enough 2) I’M CRYING I WANT TO KNOW THEIR STORY TOO THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS I’M CRYINGHJFDSJKSD 3) they keep using the word “’twist” and i’m ahsdhjkds bro 4) DYLAN YOUR VOICE. YOUR VOICE, IT’S TOO GOOD. IT MUST BE STOPPED, YOU’RE TOO GOOD, DYLAN 5) “LINGER OVER EVERY PART” OH MAN IT SOUDNS SO GOOD. SO GOOD. AHHHHHHDSHJDSFKLHJK 6) OK I’M LIKE ACTUALLY CRYINGN NOW THEY’RE IN LOVE. THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS. OH  GOD OH FUCK 7) AND THEY SOUND SO GOOD, TOO, WHY HAVEN’T I LISTENED TO THIS SONG ENOUGH AHDHJKLDAS

OK I haven’t listened to this song enough to have favorite lines just yet, also I want to at least get to the end of the first act before I go to bed and it’s already midnight rn, so we’re going ahead and moving on (so sorry!)

IF I BE-FUCKIN-LIEVED. OH GOD. THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS SO GOOD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. THE FLUTE, THE WORDS, THE SINGING LIKE GODDAMN. This one is also kinda within my range so I’m also trying to learn to sing it bc it’s just that good (cons of being a contralto: you get no female songs in musicals, pros of being a contralto: you get all the cool higher tenor songs) The raw emotion in his voice??? I’m crying??? The strength and soul and beauty and just ashjdskl;jdsfkl; it’s so, so beautifully and wonderfully amazing

Favorite lines:

“Science says you’re dead and gone forever! Reason says I’m talking to the air! But something in my heart, some secret, hidden part, illogically insists that you are there! Somewhere!!”

“Perhaps it’s not too late, to change the course of fate?”

“‘Cause after all, I must be pretty great... if you believed in me...”

Again this song is really short and there’s not a lot of lines to choose from and also I love them all and dfhjskdskjl this is just such a good song

I’m still crying

ORPHANED AT 33!!! [insert Peggle 2 gif] CHAOS... T W O!!!! HE’S MR ORPHAN, AKA CHAOS MAN (NOW WITH A MUSICAL NUMBER!) (I’m also trying to learn this one bc let me splurge in trying to teach myself Twisted songs, ok?) He’s being tragic and over-dramatic and it’s a beautiful song! and I also love how in the studio version, he doesn’t mention that they died earlier that year, so it almost comes as a shock when he says “when I was orphaned at... thirty-three” and it just makes the song that much funnier, trust me

Favorite lines:

I know I said this abt most of the other songs up to this point, but can I say all the lines? because all the lines

“[My parents are] dead... that makes me an orphan :’(”

“‘Cause my story’s just too saaad!”

“They call me a jerk off! a burn-out! A punk! But I can’t let that stuff in my head!”

“All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good! I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started s t e a l i n g  a l l  I  c o u l d!”

”I’ll make it through somehow, despite being so sadly and crushingly all alone...”

“I’ll BREAK THE CHAIN!! YOU’LL SEE!!! I’M GONNA L I V E  F O R E V E R!!!!1!111!”

The last “thirty-three” bc Jeff oh my god what is that voice

HAPPY ENDING TIME, HECK YEAH!!!!! THIS SONG,,,, SO, SO GOOD, I’M A FUCKING SUCKER FOR SONGS WITH MORE THAN ONE PART THAT ALL END TOGETHER IN A HARMONY. THAT IS PEAK MUSICIANSHIP AND JUSTHSDHJFKSAD Also someone pointed this out to me, but the way to goes from Aladdin’s weirdly horny lines straight to the princess going “oh Aladdin, you poor, innocent soul :(” is just the funniest thing to me. And how it calls back to thier own solos, I’m???!? OH AND INSTRUMENTALS AGAIN. THE BAND FUCKING KILLED IT WITH THIS MUSICAL, IT’S SO, SO GOOD JUST AHDSJKLAKKFAnd the energy in it?? The excitement for the next act??? I’m pumped!! Are you pumped?? WELL GET READY BC YOU WILL BE

Favorite lines:

Yet a-fucking-gain I love every goshdarn line in this song, it’s just too good

“They’ll throw a parade in my honor, with peacocks and monkeys galore!”

“The people will cheer!” [cool guitar bit]

[Jafar’s relatively calm part ends] [electric guitar starts back up and Aladdin jumps on stage] “I CaN’T wAiT tO bE A RicH DUdE!!!11!1!″

“Stealing is so much easier when you’ve already got tons of gold!”

“I’ve got my eye! On what money can’t buy! ‘cause that princess is OH! Hella tight! I’ll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders! I’ll get my happy ending tonight!”

“My innocent Aladdin!”

Yes i’m fully aware I put pretty much Aladdin’s full part in there, stop judging me, it’s a good part

“It puts a damper on our love if you don’t have a head” 

“So with with your permission, I’d like to bring back your bride!”

just. Jafar’s whole fantasy where he’s happy with his wife. I’m crying again, please just let him be happy

THE ENDING PART WHERE THEY ALL START UP AND BRING UP THIER OWN HOPES FOR THAT NIGHT AND THEY SING THE FINAL”TONIGHT!!!” ALL TOGETHER AND THEN THERE’S THAT COOL LITTLE 2 SECOND INSTRUMENTAL BIT AT THE VERY END IT’S JUST,.,, SO GOOD I’M DSJHDASHJKSDJK

Ok yeah that’s the end of the first act of songs! I should have the next part up by tomorrow, so get ready for more capslock and keysmashes and me generally being excited abt music bc MUSIC HECK YEAH DFFHADSJKHDAS

Rewrite the Stars

Oof, this took forever to write. 😵

@dead4sevenyears

Based on the song Rewrite the Stars from The Greatest Showman

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairing: Logince

Words: 3,628

Summary: Logan and Roman are fighting. Is it the end of their relationship?

Tags/Warnings: angst, sad boyos, anxiety attack, lots of flashbacks

The guitar playing in this fic is based on this youtube video

Enjoy!

Read it on AO3

fic masterlist

like what I do? buy me a coffee or GoFundMe

“I don’t need you!” Logan shouted angrily, face red and eyes gleaming with forming tears. “I don’t need anyone!”

“Good.” Roman replied, face blank and tone flat and quiet, making Logan stall uncertainly. “Because I’m done.”

“W-what?” Logan’s eyes widened, feeling like the floor had fallen from under his feet. All the fight had suddenly left him.

Logan had been coming to this small hole-in-the-wall coffee house every day for nearly two months now. His sleep schedule had been thoroughly messed with, because he was only coming in the evening, but he’d realized pretty quickly that the reason he bothered showing up at all wasn’t there until about 7 pm.

That reason was a barista named Roman.

He’d first met Roman when he came to the coffee house in search of caffeine and free internet away from the noise of his dormmate. He had a paper to finish and with his cohabitant’s habit of blasting music from his speakers, Logan knew he wouldn’t get any work done if he stayed there. Unfortunately, he wasn’t one for coffee, so he didn’t know where any coffee houses were.

He’d wandered several blocks, about ready to give up and head home when he saw the small sign. It hung from a small iron pole, a rather old-fashioned feel to it that extended into the shop itself as Logan curiously walked in. He looked around, finding it nearly empty save for a few college students who’d had the same idea as Logan. There was a small stage in the corner with a microphone, stool, and a guitar on a stand illuminated by a spotlight. Logan sighed, hoping whatever hapless amateur was about to play wasn’t too distracting.

Logan had shouldered his book bag and walked up to the counter, glancing over the menu. The barista – Roman, his nametag said – smiled kindly at him, and when Logan looked ready to order he perked up. “I’ll take a plain coffee. Do I add sugar myself, or shall I include that in my order?” Roman wrote the order on a cup, glancing at Logan from under his lashes with a slight smirk. “You add it yourself. Everything’s over there! Can I get a name for the order?” He gestured – rather elegantly, Logan thought – to a small table against the wall with sugar, Splenda, mixing sticks, and other small things. Logan nodded, “Ah, thank you. Logan.” Roman smiled brightly and nodded. “That’ll be $3.45!”

Logan paid the barista and went to sit at a table, pulling out his laptop. By the time it was booted up and he had his essay open, the barista came over with his coffee and a few sugar packets. Logan gave him a small smile, taking the items. “Thank you… Roman.” Roman seemed surprised that Logan knew his name, so Logan pointed to his nametag and Roman laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, of course. It was no problem Logan.” He walked off and Logan turned back to his laptop, adding the sugar distractedly as he typed with one hand.

Ten minutes into his essay, the lights dimmed just slightly, and someone took the stage. Logan didn’t look up from his laptop, too occupied with his essay to care about who’s playing. Their playing was soft, yet smooth and purposeful, carrying on the air like the scent of fresh-baked bread, lulling and lively all at once. Logan supposed it was pleasant to listen to, a welcome change to the stereotypical young adult playing woefully-written original songs.

And then the man started to sing.

“I close my eyes and I can see The world that's waiting up for me That I call my own Through the dark, through the door Through where no one's been before But it feels like home

They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy They can say, they can say I've lost my mind I don't care, I don't care, so call me crazy We can live in a world that we design”

Logan had never cared for singing. He found it an unnecessary strain on the vocal folds, and a superfluous method of conveying thoughts an emotion. While a good melody could relax even his most anxious friend, singing in and of itself – as a whole – was pointless to Logan. But this was amazing. This was art. His voice drew Logan’s attention, and he found that he couldn’t ignore it’s call for the sake of his paper. He looked up to see who was having such an effect on him, surprised to see the ba- Roman.

Roman’s eyes were closed, his posture and movements relaxed. He had a smile on his face as his fingers deftly plucked and strummed the chords of the guitar as if he’d been born with it in his hands.

“Every night I lie in bed The brightest colors fill my head A million dreams are keeping me awake I think of what the world could be A vision of the one I see A million dreams is all it's gonna take A million dreams for the world we're gonna make

However big, however small Let me be part of it all Share your dreams with me You may be right, you may be wrong But say that you'll bring me along To the world you see To the world I close my eyes to see I close my eyes to see”

Logan felt breathless as Roman’s voice swelled, lips parting around the words, just to fade at the start of the chorus and build up all over again.

“Every night I lie in bed The brightest colors fill my head A million dreams are keeping me awake A million dreams, a million dreams I think of what the world could be A vision of the one I see A million dreams is all it's gonna take A million dreams for the world we're gonna make”

He sang the last line so gently, eyes opening finally and looking right at Logan, that goosebumps rose on Logan’s arms.

“For the world we're gonna make”

Logan blushed as the last note faded out and Roman was still staring. He ducked his head down, going back to his paper – missing the smile on Roman’s face.

Logan had been coming nearly every day since then. He tried to tell himself that it was because his dormmate was bothersome; too loud, always bringing friends over. He tried telling himself it was because he could only focus when the environment was this quiet and relaxed, but honestly Logan could work in the library if he wanted to. No, Logan came there and ruined his sleep for the barista who sang like a god and smiled like the sun.

“Hello again Logan. Working on another boring English paper?” Logan snapped out of his thoughts to regard Roman on the other side of the counter, a look in the barista’s eyes that he couldn’t name.

“Ah, yes, something like that.”

“So, the usual?”

Logan nods. “If you would, thank you.” Roman nods, writing the order and taking Logan’s money before Logan took his usual seat. Truthfully, he didn’t have a big paper due, but what was the harm in doing some e-reading in peace? A moment later Roman brought him his coffee, then left to take his spot on the stage. He grinned and winked when Logan looked up, fingers beginning to play a melody Logan had long since memorized.

“You- you don’t mean that. You’re- you’re lying. Being dramatic. Trying to prove a point.” Logan took a step forward, feeling like he was grasping at straws but desperate to cling to something that would tell him this was a joke.

Logan had been… surprised, to say the least, when he found out that Roman goes to the same university as him. They’d actually run into each other completely by accident, Roman quite literally running into Logan in his rush to get to a class he was late for. The two apologized to each other profusely as Roman helped Logan pick up the papers and books he’d dropped and agreed to meet in the cafeteria after classes to talk.

It would be an understatement to say that Logan was nervous. As much as he… liked Roman, the two had never had more than idle conversation while conducting employee-customer interactions. What if Roman thought he was boring? Or what if he found out Roman was boring? From their limited interactions thus-far, it seemed like Roman was quite the character, but for all Logan knew that was a work persona to help with dealing with customers. Besides, no one actually liked Logan, he was too boring, snobbish, “posh”.

Okay, no. Patton liked Logan. Virgil probably did.

Focus, Logan.

Logan focuses on the lecture, taking notes to drive the thoughts from his head. This only works for the next hour or so, because once class is over he has no choice but to mull over his thoughts as he heads to the cafeteria. He chooses a seat against the far wall, facing outward so that he can see if/when Roman comes.

He appears not five minutes later, striding through the cafeteria with all the confidence and bravado of a man who’s convinced the world worships his very existence. Logan stands as he nears, and Roman looks over, smiling brightly when he realizes who he’s looking at. Roman bounds over to the table, dropping his backpack on the ground and flopping into the chair unceremoniously, slouching in the seat with his legs spread in front of him.

Logan sits back down, back straight yet relaxed against the back of the chair and legs tucked close. Roman speaks before Logan has the chance to form a thought. “So, Logan! I must say it’s a pleasure to finally meet you outside of work!” Logan glances at him and nods, a soft smile on his face. “Yes, I have to agree. It’s nice to see you without an apron on.” Roman laughs, and Logan’s smile grows.

Roman finds out that Logan wants to teach chemistry (“What do science majors do, light things on fire?”), and Logan finds out that Roman is a theater major (“What do theater majors even do? Eat glass? Staple things to themselves?” Roman laughed loudly. “Yes.”). They talked about worst fears and phobias (“I suppose I’m afraid of failure, though a phobia I haven’t been able to overcome is claustrophobia.” “Oh, wow. I was just going to say I’m afraid of horizontal stripes.” “….Of course you are.”). They talked about everything and nothing for nearly three hours before Roman had to go.

“Rehearsal. I’ll see you here tomorrow?”

Logan had been so surprised he almost for got to respond. “Ah… Yes! Yes. I shall see you tomorrow.”

That had been the routine for nearly three weeks before Logan just didn’t show up one day. Roman had been reasonably concerned – if Logan wasn’t going to show, he would have texted Roman – and after twenty minutes of anxiously waiting, leg practically vibrating, he heard something that made his stomach churn and his blood boil.

“Oh man, that was so funny!”

“Right? I bet he’s panicking because he’s going to miss his next class.”

“I love Lo, but he needs to learn to loosen up! Maybe being locked in the janitor’s closet will teach him to relax.”

“But don’t you think we should’ve like… I don’t know, told someone?”

“I’m sure the janitor will come by him eventually. It’s not like he can suffocate in there.”

Roman had been out of his seat before the conversation ended.

He walked with purpose, trying in vain to calm himself down as he searched for the aforementioned closet. He nearly broke into a sprint, and he would have, if not for the fact that if he went running around he might miss the right door. He’d checked the Student Center building first, thinking maybe Logan was ambushed on his way to the cafeteria so he had to be in the building. He wasn’t there, and Roman swore. Logan had to be freaking out right now.

He took a deep breath. Calm down Roman, just think. Think. Where could he be on this giant campus? This campus with dozens of buildings that will take all day to search- Think. What building was his last class in?

Roman finds Logan locked in the closet not even five doors down from his English class.

Roman’s heart constricts when he hears Logan panicking, breaths ragged – more gasps than anything – and crying audibly. Roman tries to open the door, but it’s locked – obviously, you idiot – he takes a step back, speaking over Logan’s sobs. “Logan? Hold on, I’m going to get you out. You’re okay, just breathe.” Logan sounds like he’s saying something, or at least trying to, but Roman can’t make it out. He instead focuses on how he’s going to get this door open.

Should he go look for a janitor? No, that could take all day. Should he break the door in? Yeah right, break his shoulder maybe. If only he could pick the lock, then-

He could pick the lock!

Roman takes the bobby pins out of his hair, bending one until it was relatively straight and slipping it into the lock. As he works, he keeps talking to Logan, trying to calm him down. Logan’s stopped crying, but it’s clear he’s still freaking out. Roman finally gets the door unlocked – he can’t believe that worked – and throws it open, revealing a very distressed Logan.

He has his knees pulled up to his chest, eyes shut tight, and is hugging his knees. His whole body is tense and shaking uncontrollably. By the sound of it, Roman doubts he’s getting any air. He quickly kneels at Logan’s side and throws his arms around him, and when Logan flinches he’s about to pull away, but Logan stops him by clinging to him. Roman feels his lungs constrict as he rubs the other’s back, shooshing him softly.

“It’s okay, Lo. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

They stay like that for several minutes and Logan slowly starts to calm down. Once he’s breathing normally, Roman pulls away, holding Logan at arm’s length and looking him over. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

He helps him up, and they walk to the bathroom together. Roman digs through his bag, pulling out a small makeup kit, and Logan looks about ready to run for it. Roman sighs, smiling softly. “Don’t worry, Specs, I’ll make sure no one can see the difference. I am a performer, after all.” Logan reluctantly agrees and sits on the bathroom counter, studying Roman’s face as he goes to work removing the evidence of Logan’s panic attack.

“I do mean it, Logan.”

Roman was talking about some production that was currently in progress, gesturing excitedly in large sweeping movements and talking loudly, a huge grin on his face. Logan had no idea what he was saying, but he loved to hear the other talk. Over the course of a year the two had grown extremely close, and Logan couldn’t be happier to have such an amazing friend. He smiled, resting his chin in his hand as he listened to the sound of Roman’s voice.

Roman looked over at Logan, and suddenly he stopped talking. Logan was starting to get worried over the silence when Roman turned red and suddenly blurted out, “God I love you.”

He seemed to realize what he said as his blush got darker and he floundered to cover his tracks. “I- I mean- I just- I meant as a friend! Well, not that I- That is to say- I do feel that way, but- If you don’t feel the same I completely understa-“

“Roman.”

Roman stopped talking, his mouth snapping shut, and Logan smiled softly. “I… Perhaps feel the same way as well.”

Roman’s face lit up and he leaned across the table like an excited puppy. “Really?” Logan laughed, patting Roman’s cheek. “Yes, really. I… Don’t know how, when, or why, but… I do.”

Roman stood up suddenly, ignoring his chair as it hit the wall and kissing Logan passionately.

“Roman, please, please understand, I-“

“What do you mean ‘I can’t do this to you anymore’? Do what?”

Logan looked at his lap, hands fidgeting with the blanket of his bed as he refused to look at his boyfriend. “I am not blind, Roman. Nor am I deaf. I’ve seen and heard how the other students treat you. How your parents treat you. If you were to break up with me-“

“Screw them! They don’t matter, Lo! We’re graduating in two months and moving in together, then we’ll never see any of them again!” Roman was pacing the room, working a pattern into the carpet between Logan’s desk and his bedroom door. His cheeks were pink with frustration, his eyes betraying the anger and hurt he was feeling. “They don’t matter. What matters is us! Do you love me?” He’d stopped in his tracks, turning to stare down at Logan with an intense gaze.

“W-what?”

“Do you love me.”

Logan didn’t know where that question came from. “Yes, of course I do. I tell you… several times a day, I belie-“

Roman starts pacing again. “Then that’s all that matters! Who cares if our classmates or families don’t ‘approve of our lifestyle’? We can make our own world without them.”

Logan sighs, smoothing out his covers before going right back to fidgeting them between his fingers. “You know as well as I that you cannot simply ‘make your own world’, Roman. In this room we can believe everything is perfect, but you can’t possibly be blind to the world outside that door!” He was ruining Roman’s life; couldn’t the man see that? The sooner he distanced himself from Logan, the better.

“Who said we had to be blind to it to be happy?” Roman had stopped pacing again, but he didn’t seem as agitated. Logan looked up at him curiously, “What do you mean?”

“’Those that mind don’t matter’, in the words of the great Dr. Seuss.” Roman shoves his hands in his pockets – a habit he’d picked up from Virgil when he was feeling particularly vulnerable. He asked the next part quietly, looking at his feet. “So, if you really love me, are you really going to let a bunch of assholes come between us?” Logan shook his head and stood up, walking around his bed to hug Roman close. “No. You’re right, they don’t matter. We can… we can be professional make-believers.” Roman laughed softly at the joke and held Logan tightly.

“You didn’t let me finish, Logan.” Logan closed his mouth, feeling as though he was made of glass as he waited for Roman to continue. “I’m done…” Roman takes a deep breath and looks at Logan with an intensity he hasn’t seen since they decided all those years ago that they were more important than those that couldn’t accept them. “I’m done being needed. I want to be wanted. I want you to want me so bad that you can’t even breathe. That when we’re apart all you can think of is me. That I’m your last thought before you fall asleep and the first thought you have when you wake. I want to be wanted so badly that these thoughts you keep having turn to dust because they can’t get past the love in your heart.”

He takes a step closer to Logan, who’s started crying now. He’s not shaking or making any sound; it’s a silent thing, just water dripping down his face, but Roman can see how afraid he is. “I thought we settled this years ago, love. Please, I can’t do this again.” Logan lets out a shuddering breath, trying to speak and having to restart when his voice quits. “It’s not- … It’s not them, Roman. It’s… It’s me.” Roman frowns and gently takes Logan’s hands, leading him to their bed and sitting on the edge. “Whatever do you mean, darling?”

Roman knew that Logan struggled with some dark feelings. He knew that despite what he said Logan always had doubts, always had voices whispering lies into his ear and convincing him that he was poisoning Roman. Roman wished more than anything that he could simply defeat those thoughts, banish them from his lover’s mind. He loved him more than anything. He just wished Logan could love himself the same way.

“You know what I mean. God, I’ve told you all of this a hundred times before, and yet no matter how many times we talk it over I cannot stop feeling the same.” Roman’s heart breaks at the look in Logan’s eyes; the pain, the self-hatred and doubt. He gently takes Logan’s chin and tilts his head up, kissing him softly before pulling back. He wouldn’t trade anything for this beautifully flawed man before him, as much as he wished he could take away some of his pain.

“You know that as long as I live I will never stop loving you, Logan Barry. Dark thoughts and all. You’re mine.” He leans forward until their foreheads are touching, rubbing the back of the hand he’s still holding. “I will always be here, and I will always love you for exactly who you are. I would rewrite the stars for you.” Logan shakes slightly with quiet sobs and hugs Roman tightly, pressing his face into Roman’s neck. Roman hugs back just as tightly, and the two stay like that for what feels like days before Logan’s finally calmed down.

“My Prince,” Logan murmurs against his skin, using his old nickname for Roman, “you already have.”

How I Learned Japanese

Since Anon asked how I learned, I decided to make a post about it in case anyone else was wondering or wanted to learn too~  This will sort of be a timeline of my journey, so I guess you could call it my Japanese journey, because that doesn’t sound weird at all. >w>   It ended up being longer than I expected so if you don’t want to read everything, just skip to the bottom and I’ll put a short version with all the main stuff that helped me learn if you are interested in learning too.  It’s under the cut~

 -Exactly five years ago, I knew absolutely no Japanese. I didn’t even know sayonara was a Japanese word to be honest until I heard them say it in an anime XD  To make a long story short, I got obsessed with anime when I was about 17, and that is around the time that I decided, maybe I should try learning the language.  It was almost exactly 5 years ago this month.

-I looked up websites about how to learn and they all said learn the alphabets first, so that’s what I did.  I made some charts of the kana and practiced with flash cards until I memorized them.  I then took some song lyrics in romaji and copied them down in both hiragana and katakana, trying not to look at the charts.  I think after about a month of practicing them, I decided to just move on and focus on the language.

-During that time, I also looked up and started watching some Japanese lesson videos on youtube ===> [Youtube Link Here] These were a great introduction to the language.  I had a notebook and I would write down the lessons like I was taking a class. LOL  I watched all the videos and memorized most of what I learned (there are probably way more videos on that channel now than there were back then).

-From that point I just started using a dictionary to learn words.  I would watch an episode of anime and write down words I heard, along with the possible translation from the subtitles.  Then I would look up all those words in the dictionary afterwards.  For example, there was an episode of Karneval where they saw smoke and Tsukumo said “kemuri?” and I read the translation of smoke so I wrote it down.  I looked it up in the dictionary afterwards to make sure it was right and then I would write all the new words I learned on another page that I would review later to memorize them all.  Although there were a ton of words I misheard or couldn’t find in the dictionary, this method helped me memorize a LOT of words.  I still remember the exact moments I first heard some words just like this example, which happened almost 5 years ago.  That is probably because hearing and seeing what’s going on in the anime, plus being able to read it in English, plus writing it down at the exact moment and reminding yourself of it later all helps it stick in your mind.

-I would review these lists of new words every morning and every night.  Studying in the morning helps you absorb it with a clear mind, and studying at night helps you memorize it because it will stay in your head all night.

-I did that and tried to memorize vocabulary lists for several months.  Another thing I did during this time was write down song lyrics in kana, and then write the meaning of each word underneath it.  This helped give me an idea of how Japanese grammar worked because I could visually see the set-up of each sentence along with the meanings.

-After those several months, I realized that I still couldn’t understand much because I didn’t really study much grammar, I only knew the meaning of nouns and some verbs, but didn’t know how to use them. I looked up Japanese grammar books online and found a free guide (or at least I think it was supposed to be free when I downloaded it, but now it looks like it’s for sale. You can still find the old version online if you look it up).  It is called the “Japanese Grammar Guide” by Tae Kim.  This guide actually helped me a lot so I need to mention it.  It took me about a year to learn everything that was in this guide.

-While I was learning from that guide, and it was about a year since I started trying to seriously learn the language, I reached a point where I still couldn’t understand pretty much anything in Japanese without a translation.  I got really upset and stopped learning for a week and wanted to give up because it was too confusing and too much work and I didn’t see any results.  But then I thought, all of this time I spent studying will be wasted if I stop now and I will regret it forever if I continue watching anime, so I HAVE to keep going.  So I forced myself to gain some motivation again and I kept going.

-After finishing the grammar guide, I decided I better learn some kanji too.  I only knew a few kanji at that point and hadn’t been that interested in learning to read Japanese, until I decided that I really wanted to be able to play otome games too.  I’m sure you’ve heard of “Remembering the Kanji” by James W. Heisig.  I found a copy of it online (although I’m sure this book isn’t supposed to be free XD) and started using it.  I would write down each kanji I learned along with the meanings and review them every day.  DEFINITELY get this book if you want to learn kanji, it really helps and there are still kanji I remember learning from it that I rarely even use, so it does work.   You shouldn’t need to use the second volume unless you really want to learn every single kanji, but many of them are rare so I never used the second one.

-There is also an app called “Kanji Stories” that gives stories for each kanji following that book, so this comes in handy when the book stops giving examples for you to use.  I used this app a LOT and still sometimes use it to refresh myself when I forget a kanji.  Although I downloaded it a long time ago on my old Iphone 4 which I pretty much just use as Japanese Dictionary/music player/camera at this point XD  So I’m not sure if it’s still available in the app store.

-I also downloaded another app called “JEDict Lite” which lets you look up kanji by writing them or by using radicals.  BUT you need to learn stroke order first otherwise it won’t work if you draw the kanji in the wrong order.  I still use this app all the time because I still have problems remembering all those darn kanji. XD  [Itunes Link Here]

-I should also mention that I use a Japanese dictionary app made by Bravolol.  [Website Link Here]

-All of these apps were free when I downloaded them, and it looks like they still are, but my phone is super old so I don’t know if they would still work on newer phones.

-So after about 3 years of studying and memorizing stuff, and just getting bored of doing the same thing, I started trying to use the language.  I started playing some visual novels and it was still very hard to read so I would measure how much time it took me to get through each chapter or section.  It started out as taking about 3 hours for each part but after a couple of weeks it would take only 15 minutes to read through the same amount of text.  It was the same thing when I first started listening to drama CDs.  I would have to use my dictionary almost constantly while listening to them and would even have to pause the CD in parts so I could look up words I didn’t know.  Now I still have to look up words once in a while but there are some CDs that I can understand completely without using my dictionary even once.  It is extremely important to jump in and just start listening or watching things without subtitles or translations, because that is what will really help you learn.  It may suck when you get to a part that you just can’t understand, because I know that happened to me a lot in the beginning, but you don’t have to fuss over it, just skip it for the moment and it might makes sense later.

-It’s important to also listen to non-anime/game stuff since normal Japanese doesn’t sound the same.  I listened to some radio shows like DGS and watched videos of live events.  I also got really into stage plays and musicals in the past year, which I had difficulty understanding at first too, but now I can understand them fine.

   Short Version:

-I made kana charts and flash cards, then practiced writing song lyrics in both hiragana and katakana.

-I watched some lessons on youtube ===> [Youtube Link Here]

-I used a dictionary to learn and memorize words I heard in anime, games, etc.

-I reviewed the new words I learned every morning and night.

-I studied the “Japanese Grammar Guide” by Tae Kim.

-I read “Remembering the Kanji” by James W. Heisig and used the “Kanji Stories” app with it. (not sure if this app is still available)

-I use the “JEDict Lite” app to look up kanji, but you need to know stroke order for it to work.  [Itunes Link Here]

-I use a Japanese dictionary app made by Bravolol. [Website Link Here]

-After about 3 years, I stopped studying and just started reading visual novels and listening to drama CDs.

  -So that has led me to the point I’m at right now.  My Japanese skills got better really fast after I started using the language and translating things myself.  I am always still learning and wouldn’t say that I am fluent, but I also didn’t expect to be able to understand it this well, so that’s perfectly fine with me.  Part of the reason I started doing these translations was because my reading and comprehension skills weren’t at the level that I wanted.  It takes another type of skill to translate, so even though I know what they are saying, it is still hard to put it into English, but I’m getting better at it.

-If anyone wants to learn Japanese and wants some tips, I would recommend studying the grammar, vocab, and kanji all at once, rather than how I did it.  My kanji skills are still lacking because I started studying it a whole year or two after I started learning the language.

-My other tip is…… Just have fun!! When I first started learning, I would get super happy whenever I heard a word I could understand in a song or anime.  When I thought about giving up, it was mainly because I was too focused on trying to rush, but you need to remember that it is impossible to learn an entire language overnight.

-I have heard a lot of other people say they learned the language because they studied it in college or used a textbook, but you can definitely learn it through self-study so don’t give up hope!  You just need to find what works for you. ^u^

 -Just a random note, Tsukiuta is special to me because it is the very first drama series I started following each month. Although I couldn’t speak any Japanese back then, I followed it for the music.  When I started listening to drama CDs, Tsukiuta was at the top of my list and I listened to all of them in the several months before the anime came out, so it was the first drama series I knew that got turned into an anime.  It was a super weird feeling seeing the characters animated after only being able to hear them.  The very first live stage I watched without subtitles was also the Tsukiuta stage, which got me obsessed with stage plays and musicals.  Now it has become the first series that I have translated for other people. (Just my own thought here but I’ve slowly been working on some cosplays, maybe I should make my Rui cosplay first too so it will follow the pattern XD)

 -Well that got long but I hope I have motivated someone else to learn the language too!  It is still crazy for me to think that 5 years ago I knew absolutely nothing, but I’m translating stuff now.  I love being able to give back and help other people, especially since I know how upsetting it is when you want to read or watch something, but there aren’t any subtitles.  >x<

-If anyone else has any other questions, feel free to ask! ^u^

hey everyone!!! i’m d, i’m 23, and i use they/them pronouns. super hyped about being here so i’ma just get right into it

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for over 4 years. that being said, he does have a fuck ton of information, so while the bullet points are going to be as condensed as i can possibly make them, you should really check out the appearance section (or you can just look at my sidebar which is wonderful artwork of kai one of my close friends did for me --- give them love on their art blog nialls ok SO talented) of his STATS FRAMEWORK and then if you really hate yourself i have a DEVELOPMENT TAG too with a bunch of headcanons (feel free to RB the rebloggable ones from me btw)

LOUIS TOMLINSON? no ⏤ KAI LANCASTER, the DEMIBOY is TWENTY-THREE and was born with a GOLD soul, and now has a GREY soul. i would describe HIM/THEM as EXUBERANT + BRAVE, yet CARELESS + IMPATIENT. KAI spends HIS/THEIR time PLAYING AT SMALL VENUES WITH HIS ALT ROCK BAND AND WORKING AS A NANNY and has lived in seattle for TWO YEARS.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born a gold soul into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now.

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever – and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place.

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows different and yeah i mean. essentially like.... the most “smudges” on his soul kinda came from his sitch w her bc he was always coming and leaving and dropping her and returning when she needed him and like. he TRIED but he just COULDN’T? anyways

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off, broke the guy’s heart, and made his soul even darker.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering songs on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 20 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to seattle in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. on top of that, kai was homesick and restless and felt trapped because that’s what kai does and it’s not okay and it’s totally wrong and he cheated on them soooo there’s another tick against his soul ig. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family.

he plays live shows at small venues in bars/clubs and still seeks to make a living as a musician but it’s hard out there and plus his soul aint exactly the prettiest to look at any more. i mean he doesn’t have a DARK DARK grey soul, it’s more a lighter grey, not quite silver, but definitely not storm clouds.

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

SEND ME AN IM OR LIKE IF YOU WANT TO PLOT!

Tagged by @andy-arias​ thank you!

Rules: Answer all the questions, then add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (I’m only tagging several mutuals)

Tagging: @14tongtx1, @sans-merveilles, @misakarose, @kurolove, @atesan, @ryuzakki, + anyone who wants to do this! Just say I tagged you ;)

(Under the cut bc it’s super long)

1) Coke or Pepsi? I don’t drink much of either, but probably coke 2) Disney or Dreamworks? Dreamworks 3) Coffee or Tea? tea, but I don’t mind coffee either 4) Books or Movies? books, unless movies do REALLY amazing adaptations 5) Windows or Mac? I’ve never properly used a Mac but judging from what I’ve seen, I prefer Windows functions but prefer the Mac display 6) D.C or Marvel? I’m not a fan of either 7) Xbox or PlayStation? I’ve never owned/tried either ;w; 8) Dragon or Mass Effect? I’ve never played neither but I really want to try them out!! They look amazing 9) Night Owl or Early Riser? night owl. I completely ruined my sleep schedule since uni started and now I usually sleep at 5am 10) Cards or Chess? chess! I only know how to play 象棋, 圍棋, and 五子棋 though ;w; idk anything about international chess (nor do I have any knowledge about card games other than uno LOL) 11) Chocolate or Vanilla? both, but I tend to go with chocolate first 12) Vans or Converse? Converse 13) Lavellan, Trevelyan, Canadash or Adaar? what are those o_O 14) Fluff or Angst? I’m a sucker for BOTH. need a healthy balance of both to maintain my shitty life 15) Beach or Forest? the beach! the forest is cool too but the first thing I think of is humidity and bugs and that doesn’t sound very appealing to me 16) Dogs or Cats? both, but I feel more spiritually connected w/ cats so I usually prefer cats to dogs ufeelme 17) Clear Skies or Rain? I either like clear skies or HEAVY RAIN, there is no in between 18) Cooking or Eating out? eating out...I hate cooking it takes too much effort. also I suck at it 19) Spicy or Mild Food? mild food. I can’t stand spicy food, nor do I like it very much, unless it’s wasabi 20) Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas? Christmas; I prefer the mood (+ pretty lights!) 21) Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? a little too cold. you can always wear more layers if you’re too cold, but you can’t...take off your skin...if you’re too hot (sorry in advance for the overly vivid unnecessary imagery) 22) If you could have a superpower what would it be? either invisibility or teleportation. time-stopping would be super neat too. 23) Animation or Live Action? animation. I’m more interested in how those visuals + sounds mix together 24) Paragon or Renegade? is this a Mass Effect thing? I haven’t played it so idk ;w; 25) Bath or Shower? shower. baths are essentially immersing yourself in your own filth...not cool 26) Team Cap or Team Iron-Man? neither 27) Fantasy or Sci-Fi? fantasy, although I don’t mind sci-fi at times 28) Do you have three or four favorite quotes it so what are they? too many to list, but these two have been my favorites for quite a while: [1] "I don't really like people who go around brandishing the banner of justice. No matter the reason, where humans are involved, there is no black or white, no justice or evil. There is only our will." - Oz, Pandora Hearts (surprise surprise, the one in my description) [2] "Happiness is like glass...one doesn't notice it normally. However, it is actually there. If you change the angle you look at it, the glass will reflect light. It will state its presence and existence more eloquently than any other thing in the world." - Suzaku, Code Geass 29) YouTube or Netflix? YouTube, I’ve never went on Netflix save for that one time when Voltron S2 first released 30) Harry Potter or Percy Jackson? I’ve read neither so I can’t say ;w; 31) When do you feel accomplished? finishing a manga coloring and/or spewing out a fluid fic chapter 32) Star Wars or Star Trek? neither 33) Paperback book or Hardcover book? hardcover; I hate how the cover(s) on paperback books bend 34) Fantastic beast or Cursed Child? I’ve read/watched neither 35) Rock or Pop Music? rock. pop is pleasing once in a while, but I can never truly get invested in it 36) What is the most important thing in your life? living life to the fullest at the current moment in life; to not dwell on the past or worry about the future. (at least I try not to) 37) Mountains or Sea/Ocean? both! 38) How do you express yourself? ...I usually scream/rant/vent on twitter and everyone probably mutes/unfollows me since I’m so annoying. :’D 39) What’s the first book/film that really counted to you? WARRIOR CATS. the Warriors series will always define my child/teenagehood. I wouldn’t be who I am today without Warriors. seriously. 40) What’s your element (air, water, etc)? air 41) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Japan again! and Dubai, and anywhere with baroque+gothic architecture! 42) If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? architect! 43) If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? *remembers how in Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Kyouko advised us to use our wishes only for ourselves* *but I also want to help others* actually I’m skipping this question 44) If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? RICE 45) What’s your Spirit Animal/Patronus? deer (x) 46) Would you kill yourself and save your friends or kill your friends and save yourself? depends on the situation. I’d like all of us to live tysm *eyeroll* 47) If you had to become a mythical creature which would you be? haven’t thought about this much, but perhaps a sea serpent? 48) Your favorite song? at the moment it’s “ELECT” by niki

My question: A4 or A5 notebooks?

(You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to!)

Love Like Lava, 4

Notes: As always, big thanks to my wonderful editors Drucilla and Blueshifted!

We finally meet Hera (who, like Zeus, isn't based on any actual Disney character), along with Hermes and Hades! For those not in the know, Fethry is a comics-only duck, Donald's kooky cousin!

Also, for when Minnie finally lays eyes on the mystery man... I like to think an incredibly sappy love song is playing despite not having been recorded for several hundred centuries yet. What do you think it is?

Summary: Minnie meets the Queen of the Gods, the Messenger of the Gods, and the God of Death. Each meeting goes better than the last - but it's the Forgotten God that changes her life forever.

An unknown god – Minnie couldn't ask for a more thrilling mystery! Daisy had declared they would meet up the next day, as she would travel to the Underworld and ask her husband what he knew. That left Minnie with only one fruitless option – asking the narcissistic souls upon Mount Olympus. Minnie had hoped at the very least that such a curious question would strike their interests and get them to actually tell her something besides how grand they were and how beautiful she was.

She had no such luck.

“Never heard of him,” Gladstone answered while looking at himself in a hand mirror and trying to pull on Minnie's hand so her vision would be captured in the reflective glass as well. “Don't we look absolutely amazing? It's like you were meant to stand right next to me. Maybe that's why you were born, to be with me! Am I lucky or what?”

“No idea,” Mortimer replied while lounging around on a soft couch and drinking heavily. “You know what the best thing is after a good drink? A good nap! And would you look at that, there's enough room for two.” He over exaggerated his yawn, stretching his arms out to show how much space there was as if that would entice Minnie to stay with him.

“Who cares?” Ares grunted, sitting on his throne of armor and shields and glaring hotly at his Viewing Mirror. “I still can't find a single decent war around! I have half a mind to go down there and stir things up. Say, why don't we make a date out of it?” He cupped his stubbly chin in one hand, grinning as the very thought cheered him up. “You, me, and a whole battalion of soldiers fighting for no real reason! How's that for a good time?”

Minnie looked from man to man, her shoulders slumped in disappointed disbelief. “Really? None of you are even the tiniest bit interested?” That was far more insulting than simply not knowing the answer. “This is brand new! This is exciting! We should try to find out who it is! We can all learn something together!” The very idea of it should have been appealing, yet they merely blinked at her before resuming their hobbies. “Doesn't it bother any of you that there's something you don't know?”

“Why should it?” Pete rested his arms behind his head, letting his gut flop onto his thighs. “I know all the important stuff, like how many swings of a sword it takes to decapitate someone. 'Sides, all the important gods are here on Mount Olympus. Anyone who lives down there with the mortals might as well be a mortal – they sure ain't as amazing as I am.”

“For once, Pete's right,” Mortimer rolled a grape down his shoulder before popping it into his palm. “The only reason anyone would want to go down there is for a quick party. Whoever this Mickey is, he's gotta be a real loser if he prefers mortals over us.”

If that's what made a loser, Minnie was starting to think she'd prefer being a loser to being a goddess. “So you're all just going to sit here and...and do nothing about this? Nothing at all?” How could they possibly think they were superior to mortals who worked for a living, when these lazybones only partied and fought?

“Awww, she's even beautiful when she's annoyed!” Gladstone cooed, twirling his finger into one of Minnie's curls while she rolled her eyes. “C'mere, let's take a good long look at our gorgeous selves, that'll get a smile back on those lovely lips!”

“Hey, don't bogart the babe!” Mortimer tossed a grape at Gladstone's head, missing it by an inch. “She'd much rather take it easy with me than gawk at you.”

“Don't you start that stupid stuff again!” Pete slammed his fist down on his armrest, breaking it momentarily. “She's my gal, and if she's gunna smile at anyone, it's gunna be me! Don't you forget it!”

As the usual argument began up, Minnie slowly rubbed her hands on her face. Was it just her, or were these silly fights getting quicker to start every time she was around? Shouldn't Zeus put them in their place, before all of Olympus got involved?

But that's when it hit her – Zeus! The leader of the gods, ruler of Mount Olympus, the most powerful being, surely if there was someone who knew anything, it had to be him! As Minnie left behind the fisticuffs over flirting, she raced for Zeus and Hera's thrones.

Unlike many of the rooms that floated and settled on the magic mountain, their thrones stayed in one place, so they could watch over the entire mountain at once. Minnie hadn't gone near it since her first day here, and she slowed down as she saw who was there, and who was not. The massive golden throne to the left was empty, the leader of the gods not on the mountain. Between the seats grew wide, soft white flowers that continuously dripped sweet-smelling nectar that Minnie recalled being served to her many times during her short life. In the golden throne adjacent, sat a goddess that Minnie was mostly unfamiliar with – yet felt instantly intimidated.

There sat a woman ten feet tall, and who would be taller if she wasn't hunched over and drinking from a bejeweled goblet. Though she was dressed beautifully in rainbow silks and endless glittery baubles adorning her skin, her eyes were darker than the harshest winter's night. Her auburn hair spiraled all around her, reaching all the way down to the floor. A yellow circlet hugged her forehead tightly, her skin was pale and weary, and when she pulled the goblet away, Minnie could see that woman was scowling, scowling, scowling as if it was the only expression she was capable of. With her drink empty, the woman began to reach over to pluck one of the white flowers, but when she saw Minnie, she stopped in place.

This was Hera, Queen of the gods, and Zeus' wife.

“Hello,” Minnie squeaked nervously, waving her fingers. “I, um, don't suppose you know where Zeus is?”

Like everyone who met Minnie, there was a few seconds of enraptured confusion as Hera looked upon the smaller goddess. But once those seconds passed, she slammed her empty goblet down on the arm rest, her teeth exposed as she spoke each harsh word with a snarl. “And WHY are YOU looking for HIM, oh lovely APHRODITE?” Her long pink painted fingernails clutched her chair as she bent down towards Minnie, her voice booming across the mountain. “Have his FLIRTATIONS captured YOU? Are YOU now to bear HIS child?”

“W-w-what?!” Minnie backed up, her heart pounding in fright. She'd been so used to everyone loving her instantly that someone approaching her with hate was a brand new experience. She looked behind her, having a small hope that her unwanted entourage that she'd left behind would come to her aide. In the distance they were now brawling, Pete having Mortimer in a headlock and Gladstone using his hand mirror to slap back any tossed grapes. “No, not at all!” Minnie shouted, trying to straighten herself up and face Hera's wrath head on. “I would never be with a married man!”

“HA!” It was less of a laugh and more of a roar, and Hera's shoulders rolled. “That's what THEY all SAY! But if there was someone my husband WANTS, it shall be HIS to have! Even NOW, he is frolicking on the mortal plane, CHASING some pretty thing, while I am HERE! Are you WAITING for his return, so you can BASK in his ARMS?” She threw down the goblet, and it shattered into a dozen pieces, coating the floor in anguish. “Are you the SAME? That because you are so BEAUTIFUL, you may have whatever it is you DESIRE?”

“There's – there's been a huge misunderstanding!” Later on, Minnie would feel very offended that Hera would accuse her of such behavior without even getting to know her. For now, she was too afraid, and tried to walk around the broken goblet pieces, some of them bigger than she was. “Look, I only came here to ask him something...and, well, maybe I can ask you? Please?” Hera leaned back into her seat, arms crossed, fingers tapping along her arms. It wasn't a “no”, so Minnie tried, placing her flat hands together. “Would you happen to know about a god named Mickey?”

Hera's brows knit, and a few creases in her skin gave away that she was actually thinking about it. But when she couldn't come up with an answer, she snorted hard through her nose. “And why should I know EVERY single god or goddess or demigod or mortal or WHATEVER it is on the lands?” With one nod of her sharp chin, the goblet began to reassemble itself – Minnie had to jump in order to avoid being carried by one of the shards. “It is the NATURE of the gods to take whoever they PLEASE – my husband may have HUNDREDS of children, as do the many immortals upon Mount Olympus. The life of ONE god holds no meaning!”

Minnie decided it was official – everyone on Mount Olympus was useless, including herself. “And let me guess, it doesn't bother you at all that there's a god down there you don't know about.”

With the goblet restored, Hera snatched it back up, and yanked one of the white flowers hard enough that its roots came up as well. “Did you long to add another MAN to your collection of ADMIRERS? Every day, we hear your lovers FIGHTING, more and more with each passing DAY!”

“They are not my lovers!” Indignation became stronger than fear, and Minnie dared herself to stare at Hera's face without backing off. “I never asked anyone to admire me! Can't you or Zeus make them stop? I don't want to be with any of them!”

“Why should we deem PUNISHMENT, when it is your own BEAUTY that is the cause of this STRIFE?” Hera tilted the flower downward, the nectar flowed smoothly into the goblet with an endless supply. “You have only YOURSELF to blame.”

Minnie had heard many incredulous and ridiculous things on both the mountain and the mortal plane. She knew in time she would understand them. But this was the most foolish thing she had ever heard of, and she knew right away she would never understand it. “You're saying this is my fault?!” Her delicate hands rolled into fists, and she found the ground beneath her shaking – once again stunning all those around her, as she remained oblivious to why they were stunned. “I don't know anything about myself, or anything around me, or even where I came from! I don't know anything at all! But I do know I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't ask to be born, or to look this way! And when I do ask something, no one wants to tell me anything! That's not my fault!” The shaking intensified, with Mortimer and Gladstone trying to use a bewildered Pete as a shield in case anything else happened, and Hera gripping onto her throne for dear life. “Now I'm going to find some answers, and if you see Zeus, tell him unless he has my answers, then I don't want to hear him whining either!”

Unable to stand being on the mountain for a minute longer, Minnie separated the clouds beneath her and vanished. With that, the shaking stopped, and the palace of the immortals was quiet. Once everyone was quite sure it had gone for good, they resumed their drinking and fighting and napping and other lazy activities. Why should that concern them? It was someone else's problem, at least for today. The trio tried to blame one another, since they'd each been at the scene of the “crime” the last time the shaking had occurred, each theory more foolish than the last.

Hera was silent, no longer drinking, her mind working faster than all the gods and goddesses on Mount Olympus put together. A spurned woman didn't mean a stupid woman.

~*~

Daisy had told Minnie that they had to meet up at a certain place because of her husband's “limits”, but Minnie was still shaking with rage about the entire unfair affair from above. Because of the anger boiling her blood, she found she couldn't sit still and wait for her friend. She stomped away from the clear grassy field and headed forward, not caring where she went. She would have given anything for a distraction, anything to stop thinking about idiotic male pride and foolish female jealousy, and she was so wrapped up in her temper that she didn't realize she'd walked into a mortal village. She would have kept marching onward, when a tiny cry touched her ears.

“Is great-great-great grandpa really going to die?”

Minnie almost tripped over her own feet, and she jerked her head up, seeing a rather large family of mortals standing in and around a humble home that had a cracked door. Many of them were holding lit candles and quietly praying, if not murmuring to other members of the family. The child in question, perhaps no more than six, was tugging on his mother's dress, sniffling back tears. His mother tenderly stroked his brown locks, speaking gently. “It may be his time, my son. He has lived a long life, far longer than any man has, and we must see him off with a smile, all right?” The child tried to nod even if he didn't entirely agree.

It would have been a very depressing and solemn scene if not for the second sound Minnie heard – cheerful whistling. That belonged to the only duck on the scene, casually leaning against the window and checking inside every so often. Minnie recognized him from Mount Olympus, though those times were often only bursts of seconds, since he was constantly on the move. This was Hermes, the messenger god, who delivered important words from one to another. Both his red flopped hat and his loose red sandals had tiny wings on them that flapped endlessly, and his imperial robes seemed two sizes too big for him. With a scroll on one hand and a quill in the other, he tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for something inside. “Dead yet? … Nope. How about now? … Nope. ...Maybe now? … Dang it, this guy is taking forever.”

“What in the world are you doing?” Minnie asked, easily slipping by unnoticed by the weeping mortals. Though she had wanted a distraction, his blasé attitude seemed a little cruel. “Why are you waiting for this poor man to die?”

Hermes glanced up, and was very surprised to see who was talking to him. “Whoa! Aphrodite herself! Didn't know you left the mountain! This is an honor, miss, real honor.” He bowed his head respectfully, even making sure his hat was tipped. But when he returned to a proper standing position, whatever he'd been waiting for happened. “Whoops! I'd loved to chat, but duty calls!”

“Duty?” Minnie asked, but Hermes had already darted inside the house. Whenever she'd seen him on Olympus, he did seem to be sidetracked by every little thing. Anything he was vehemently interested in tended to last for a handful of seconds. But as soon as he was in, he was out, and now with a guest! He was holding onto the wrist of a mortal, one who had clearly seen many decades in his time, with a gray beard that could have been used to make ten sweaters. Yet unlike all the other mortals, he was clearly floating a few inches above the ground, and his skin was a mix of paste white and blue. His eyes were closed, resigned to let Hermes tug him along.

“Come on, guy, up and at 'em.” Hermes clicked his tongue. “The big boss is already pretty upset. He's going to see the wife today, and you're cutting into that time.”

“Big boss?” Minnie repeated while trying to touch the mortal – but unlike Hermes, her fingers went right through him. “Oh! … Isn't Zeus everyone's big boss?”

“Well, yes.” Hermes admitted, kicking his heels together so that his wings would flap much faster. “But this is my other big boss. Second big boss. Co-boss. And I gotta meet him really soon, or else I'm never going to heard the end of it.” As he began to hover upwards, the deceased mortal came up with him. “Catch you later, Aphrodite! Let's do brunch! It's the latest sensation sweeping the nation!” As he began rambling on the merits of doughnuts versus waffles, he suddenly sped off into the air – but not too fast that Minnie couldn't follow after him, which she decided she was going to do that very second.

Coincidences are amazing things once you took the time to stop and think of them. Minnie began to wonder if Daisy was right, and that coincidences were really destiny. Hermes was headed for the exact same spot Minnie was supposed to wait in, landing down on the grass in the middle of the night. Minnie, who had been more or less accidentally led back, was about to catch up and ask what was going on – and that's when the ground opened up, and a fountain of black smog exploded into the area. Gasping back a shriek, Minnie fell on her tail, unable to turn away from whatever that gaping hole was – and whatever was crawling out of it. The being itself was made out of black smog as well, a hulking shape that could tower over any seasoned soldier. Eyes the color of dried blood bored out of the creature, and a hideous rumbling noise echoed out.

“FOOLISH MORTAL! YOUR TIME HAS COME!”

Once again Minnie found herself utterly frightened, and she held her arms over her head as if that would protect her. The sound of this creature chilled her heart, as if bones were being slowly scraped together, and the monster continued to grow in size, heaving in hatred. She wished she was brave enough so she could do something, help save that poor mortal and Hermes -

Except they weren't afraid at all. The ghostly mortal appeared to be dozing off, and Hermes was bored, checking things off his scroll. After a moment, he lifted his beak. “Uh, sir?”

“YOU THINK YOU CAN BEND A GOD TO YOUR WILL? IT IS MORTALS WHO SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL THAT WE CAN DO!”

Hermes sighed. “Sir.”

“TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN'T DEMAND YOUR NEW FORM TO GROVEL AT MY FEET FOR ALL THAT I HAVE DONE!”

“Siiiiiir.”

The monstrosity then shoved itself at Hermes, the smoke coating his white feathers and making the green grass beneath them brown and wither. “WHAT IS IT, FETHRY?!”

“Well,” Hermes – chosen name Fethry, if Minnie had to guess – lightly tapped the quill to his scroll. “You told me to let you know whenever you did that thing and...you're doing it now.”

“...I AM?” The beast drew back slowly, before seeming to look upon itself. “AW, PHOOEY, I AM. HOLD ON.” It appeared to take a gigantic intake of breath, and then in one mighty huff, all of the smoke blasted away like a massive sneeze. The noise appeared to wake up the mortal, but he also seemed to be unfazed by these circumstances, lightly brushing smoke off of his skin.

Once the smoke cleared, there stood another duck, although he was a good head taller than Fethry. His outfit was similar to a young sailor, decked in a blue coat over a golden robe, choosing to wear cloth shoes instead of sandals. His face was coated in black and red makeup, though he was vigorously rubbing it off his face with his robe. “Sheesh, every single time I lose my cool this happens...Hand me that quill, will you?” His voice, while a little garbled, was now nothing like the gloom and doom mere minutes before. With the quill in hand, he used it to chop away at the ridiculously long ponytail jutting out the back of his head. “Anyway... where was I? … Oh, right.” With his head free, he ran a hand through his head feathers. “Look, mister Bakkhos.” The mortal blinked upon being addressed. “I really had to haggle with the Sisters of Fate over you. And that's not fun. Ever. But...” He sighed, chucking the quill aside for Fethry to catch. “You can go after you see your great-great-great-granddaughter's wedding.”

The mortal's weary lips smiled, and he bowed as low as he could without his spine breaking – though he was a ghost, so he probably wasn't too worried about that. “You are most gracious, Lord Hades. I can never repay you for your kindness.”

“Yeah, you can't,” Hades huffed, turning his head away with his hands on his hips. “But this is the absolute last time! I don't care how much you cry, next time is your last time! All mortals gotta die! Now, go back home and enjoy the wedding, you stubborn old coot.” He waved a hand, hoping to get rid of them both. “I gotta see the wife. She's counting on me for something big.”

Fethry took the man by the wrist once more, but Bakkhos cupped his chin in thought. “You know, if it's not too much trouble, I would like to live to marry again-”

“GET YOUR OLD CARCASS OUT OF HERE, YOU PAIN IN THE BUTT!” Hades had poofed back into his smog and spooky form, sending any nearby trees shaking with his shout.

Fethry quickly saluted and dragged the man off before any more trouble could be had. But that meant Hades had to un-poof himself, wipe off the make-up again, and lacked anything to cut off the additional spontaneous ponytail. “Doggone stubborn little... Posideon can't control his scales, Zeus can't control his mind, so why do I get the uncontrollable make-over?!” As he fussed over his aggravating appearance, he finally spotted Minnie, who had been watching this entire scene with rapt attention. The usual seconds of shock passed, and then Hades smiled. “Why, a gal that pretty has to be Aphrodite! Daisy told me all about you!” He offered his hand to help her stand up.

The last piece of the puzzle connected, and Minnie clamped her tiny hands onto Hades'. “You're Daisy's husband!” As soon as their hands met, Minnie could feel the love between husband and wife flow through her – devotion, admiration, respect, this was a happily married man who had found true love. Instead of a simple hand shake, Minnie launched herself into a hug, throwing Hades off for a bit. “Oh, I knew those boors on Mount Olympus couldn't be right about you! Daisy would never marry a mean, scary kidnapper!”

“Thanks? I think?” Hades awkwardly pat Minnie's head, trying to push her back. “I don't know what those guys say about me up there – don't really care much either – but any pal of Daisy's is a pal of mine.” He slapped a hand to his chest, sending the remains of the smoke away. “My chosen name is Donald! Named after a really heroic sailor! And yours is... Minnie, right? Suits you, little girl!”

There was warmth and sincerity in his speech – unlike the other male gods, he wasn't trying to butter her up or win her over. He didn't have to, he was already taken. “Yes, but I didn't take my name from anyone. I just...chose my chosen name.”

Donald chuckled. “Sounds about right to me! And I know just what you're looking for. All we have to do now is wait for my better half. She'll be here any second.” Any second turned out to be that second, as a flurry of flower petals flooded their vision, revealing Daisy standing to their side.

Daisy opened her mouth, but when she saw Minnie, and then Donald, she dropped her hands with a whine. “Oooh, I wanted to introduce the two of you to each other! I had a whole big spiel planned! It was going to be so cute!” Defeated, she faced Donald, kissing his cheek. “You were polite to her, weren't you?” “Of course I was!” Donald pouted, offended that he would be otherwise. “I'm always a gentleman! Besides, I knew it was her right away. You talk about her so much, I had her down to the exact detail. The big ears, the black fur, the twinkle in her eye-”

Daisy snapped Donald's beak closed with her fingers, cheeks pinking. “That's more than enough.”

Minnie giggled, at first not wanting to interrupt the moment. She felt she would have been content to watch them talk with each other hours on end even if she was ignored. Watching a real life pair of lovers was fascinating. But her own love for her friend couldn't be contained. “Oh Daisy, I love you too!” That got another hug.

“I didn't say anything like that!” Daisy insisted, blushing deeper in humility without making any effort to get Minnie off. “Donald, you're always exaggerating!”

Donald freed his beak with a slap of the hand. “I've always said you could use a friend!”

“You have never said that! Not even once! Besides, you need friends too!” “I've got plenty of friends! Like... um... ah... er... Fethry!”

“Fethtry works for you, that doesn't count!”

“Ah, shaddap! What do you know?”

“You shut up, I know everything!”

“No you don't, that's why you asked me to find that Mickey guy, remember?”

Minnie blinked, finally remembering the original quest. “Oh! Mickey!” She untangled herself from Daisy, filled with excitement. “Did you find out who this Mickey is? No one seems to know, not even anyone from Mount Olympus!”

“Ah, those guys wouldn't know their toes from their elbows,” Donald shook his head, and then began to look through all the vast pockets of his outfit. “I asked all the souls in the Underworld, but I finally found some dead mermaids who knew the name. I could barely hold their attention for more than a minute, so all that I got is that he's some recluse on this far away island...a-ha! Here we go!” He pulled out a rolled up map, and unfurled it before them. “If I wasn't the god of Death, I bet I'd be the god of cartography.” He grinned in pride, smoothing the map out on his chest. “Now, your man Mickey is all the way over here.” He pointed to an island that was so far from the rest of Greece that it threatened to leave the map entirely. “Nothing and no one visits that place, except for mermaids and nereids... and seagulls, probably. They all have the same sized brain in the end.”

Daisy frowned, tilting her head this way and that. “That's all they know? That he's some hermit in the middle of nowhere? I gotta say I'm kinda disappointed.”

Donald shrugged, handing the map over. “Apparently he makes jewelry for them, but that's about all I could get them to say. Can't say he rings any bells for me.” Yet as he said that, his finger stayed on the map, continuing to circle that one island over and over. No, the name “Mickey” meant nothing to him. The circumstance, however... Could it be true? Did he want it to be true? A hard lump formed in his throat that refused to go away.

“Can we go see him?” The mystery was far from solved, so Minnie was far from satisfied. She bounced on her feet, hands clasped together, nudging Daisy repeatedly. “Please please please? I want to learn something that other people haven't learned! And I don't even know what a hermit is!”

Daisy rolled up the map and lightly bopped Minnie on the nose. “Oh, calm down, of course we'll go. Now that I know where the island is, I can take us there easily.” So far this Mickey sounded pretty boring, but she couldn't deny Minnie's wish. “But don't go crying to me if he's not everything you dreamed of.” Egos were pointless things, but Daisy felt she had to put up a false image in order to maintain some dignity in front of her friend.

Minnie clapped her hands in glee before whipping around to Donald. “Come with us! This is going to be so much fun! And I want to know everything about you two! How you met, your first date, your first kiss, your first time holding hands-”

“Tempting, but no,” Donald swiftly interrupted Minnie's babbling, not wanting to know what other firsts she could inquire about. “I'm cutting it close as is. I've got a strict schedule to stick to, it takes me forever to free up any time. Death stops for no one.” He lightly pat Minnie's cheek. “But it was good meeting you, kid. If you're with Daisy, it won't be the last you see of me.” This time he accepted Minnie's hug with a little less stiffness, and when it was over, he offered Daisy a kiss. “Next time we're together... I want to hear all about this, okay? I mean it.” His voice dipped into a low tone for an unusual seriousness. But he quickly distracted Daisy from whatever that meant. “You be nice.”

“I am always nice,” Daisy said after stomping on Donald's foot, vanishing with her friend.

After Donald rubbed his sore foot, he stayed there for a moment longer than his schedule permitted. What was he worried about? There was no definite proof about who Mickey was. Maybe it was just one of Zeus' children, or some mortal whose fame skyrocketed into false gossip. Mickey could be just about anyone.

But if he was someone...Donald closed his eyes, lowering himself back into the Underworld. He had spent decades checking each and every soul that passed into his territory to see if they were the one, and still hadn't found him. He was prepared to see him dead. He wasn't prepared for what would happen if he was alive.

“Maybe I should've been the god of guilt instead,” he mumbled to himself as the earth swallowed him whole.

~*~

It was early morning by the time the girls landed on the correct island – for all of Daisy's grandstanding, she was not the demigoddess of directions. When they did land on the correct one, they weren't even sure they were on the correct one. They walked along a sandy beach with Daisy holding the map up in the air, squinting at the various lines.

“Why don't we just ask someone for directions?” Minnie asked, collecting seashells as they walked along.

“I don't need directions!” Daisy snapped, a cactus of irritation popping into her hair. “It's the map that's wrong! Or maybe the mermaids were wrong! Because I'm not wrong!”

Minnie didn't want to argue, and to her relief she saw up ahead she didn't have to. “I think you're right.”

“Of course I'm right!” Daisy paused. “...Wait, I am?”

Past the sandy beach and the large jagged rocks, the sun was glinting off a golden figure walking to the cliff shore. It looked like a bizarre mortal covered entirely in gold, and Minnie couldn't help but think she'd seen that face somewhere before. But this figure was clearly female, so it couldn't have been Mickey. She was carrying a wicker basket bursting with accessories and trinkets, lightly tossing them one by one toward the water.

In the water was a gaggle of giddy mermaids and nereids, jumping up to catch their prizes. As Minnie and Daisy carefully continued to approach, the jagged rocks on the beach got bigger and bigger, often blocking their view. As they got closer, they could hear the sea sirens coo the name, “Mickey, Mickey, Mickeeey!”

Daisy found him first, and she yanked on Minnie's shoulder, causing her to drop two seashells. “Hey, that must be him, he's the only guy here!” She pointed at the man sitting on the edge of the rocks, his legs dangling towards the ocean, handing out his own share of bracelets and earrings. His fur was still noticeably dirty, but his smile could be plainly seen. His tunic had gotten several extra tears since his last visit, but this was the least of his concerns.

As the next nereid swam up for her gift, a glimmering anklet, Mickey pulled it back and shook his head. “Oh no you don't, Tallia! I heard about your argument with Lydia! Now you make nice and apologize, or you ain't gettin' nothin'.”

“But that's not faiiir!” Tallia cried, ready to burst into tears, her palms slapping the water. “I want it, I want it, I want it!”

“Not until you apologize,” Mickey said again, shoving the girl away with his good foot. “Bad girls don't get gifts. And she's your sister! You love her, I know it.”

But his single action gave away his not good leg, and Daisy gasped, a hand to her beak. “Look at that!” How could you not? His left leg was twisted like a paper scroll wrung with hard hands, and one could almost see the bone against the skin. “He can't be a god! Who ever heard of a disfigured god? All our injuries get healed super quick because of the ambrosia!” Typically this would be when Minnie would ask what ambrosia is, and Daisy waited for the question. And waited. And waited. And... what was the hold up here? “I said, because of the ambrosia!” She jerked her head towards Minnie, expecting her usual curiosity and chorus of questions.

But Minnie couldn't hear Daisy at all, nor did she care what Daisy was saying. Her eyes were completely on Mickey, who was now applauding as the girls hugged and made-up. Of course she saw his leg, she saw everything about him, including something incredibly, extremely important that she did not know. Something about his chest, and his arms, something about them was – was different from the men on Olympus, different from Donald and Goofy – something that was making her mouth open and her heart beatbeatbeat. Her seashells were abandoned, dropped to the sand. Only then did she remember Daisy's existence, and now it was her turn to yank Daisy so hard that they both fell on their knees, hidden by the rocks. “Daisy!” she hissed in a whisper, hoping they hadn't been seen. “What – what – what are those?!” She flailed wildly, trying to gesture toward Mickey.

Daisy blinked slowly. Minnie tended to ask things in a calm, sweet, polite matter. What was sending her into a slobbering frenzy? She poked her head over the rocks, trying to guess. “You mean his little harem over there?”

“No!” Minnie screeched before saying it again quieter. Mickey glanced around, wondering if there were some sick seagulls about, but he shrugged it off. “No! Not those! It's - it's these!” She slapped her chest and her arms, gestured back to Mickey, slapped the same places again, over and over.

Daisy didn't even try to guess whatever it was Minnie was indicating, mostly because this was hilarious to watch. She'd have to remember this moment in the future whenever she needed a good laugh. Even now she had to pinch herself to prevent any big guffaws. But she finally made the effort to think, and could only come up with one idea. “Muscles?”

“Muscles!” Minnie exclaimed while throwing her arms up in the air. “Yes! Muscles! He has them!” While Mickey's legs were frail, all the years of working with metal and ore had considerably toned him up. “Oh, boy, does he have them.” It was an excellent contrast to all the vagabonds on Mount Olympus who were more flab than fab, choosing to let their godly magic do their work for them. Minnie crouched on the rock to watch Mickey again, her thin tail flicking about. This man was muscles, and sweat, and work, and with each and every passing second, words she didn't know even existed before now came with clear definitions in her head.

“He's – he's dreamy.” Mickey was being introduced to the newest member of the mermaid clan, a youngling who was placed in his lap. Her childhood would be short, at least physically. She'd have a child's mind forevermore. Mickey laughed as the babe tried to grab one of his ears, and he blew a raspberry on her cheek.

“He's marvelous.” Mickey was listening to the various stories being exchanged while noting what new shiny jewelry they wanted next. When a nereid snatched his walking stick to play a game, he said in return he'd have to decide the rules. When they splashed him, he splashed right back, all the while gently holding the child in his arm, pressed close to his chest. The winner would choose the girl's name, and it'd better be a good one!

“He's darling.” Now it was time for breakfast, with girls handing over fresh fish. Mickey bit the head off of a nice plump red one, and pulled off smaller pieces for the babe to eat. He wiped the mess off with the back of his arm and belched loudly before trying to pick out scales from his teeth with his fingernails.

Daisy stared at her friend, ultimately learning that apparently everyone had a type. “Huh. Thought you'd be the more 'loves everyone' kind of deal.” The guy was kind of cute, she supposed. Not better looking than Donald, but then who was? She brushed the sand off of her dress. “Guess he'll be happy to have another female fan. Let's go say hi.”

“NONONONO!” Minnie tackled Daisy down and dragged her back into the rocks' shadow. Mickey definitely heard it this time, but he was so used to his sort of solitude he still blamed the seagulls. He made the girls promise to stay away from the birds since they were either fighting, sick, or sickly fighting.

Minnie pinned Daisy down, which to be honest wasn't very impressive, as Daisy could have easily shoved her off if she hadn't been so startled. “I can't meet him like this! I'm not ready!” Minnie kept her hands on Daisy's shoulder, shaking her for every other word.

“You're the goddess of beauty! You're always ready!”

“Not like this! This is different! I have to look special!”

Daisy flicked her finger to Minnie's forehead. “For goodness' sake, calm down! You're Aphrodite! Everyone loves you when they meet you!”

“Hera didn't!” Minnie countered, refusing to get up.

“Okay, besides Hera.” Daisy snorted. “What are the odds that another god would hate you before knowing you?”

“Broke a rule, broke a rule, broke a rule!” One of the darker skinned nereids was singing, swaying around in song. “Damara broke Mickey's ruuule, ha ha ha!”

“What rule?” Damara the mermaid asked, sticking out her lower lip.

“His 'no talking about Aphrodite' rule!”

Minnie and Daisy paused in their quiet bickering, slowly moving their heads to look back at the once serene scene, both of them mouthing a worried, “Uh-oh.”

“But I was talking about a pretty girl I met that could have been Aphrodite!” Damara sunk lower into the water, but the hidden heroines could clearly see this was one of the very same mermaids that had tried to drown them the day before. “I was talking about Aphrodite, I was talking about someone who could have been Aphrodite! So I'm not in trouble, so I'm not a bad girl, so I'm still a good girl!”

Mickey sighed heavily, his walking stick finally returned to him. “All right, I'll say it one more time, so you all better remember! No talking about that stuck-up, awful, rotten Aphrodite whenever I'm around! You got that?” His cheerful mood was immediately soured, his teeth grinding back and forth. “Getting to be a goddess and all that good stuff, just because you're pretty...Why, if I ever saw her, I'd spit in her eye, is what I'd do!” He even demonstrated, hocking a big one into the water. His audience began to copy his spit, which soon developed into a competition of whoever could spit the furthest.

Inch by inch, Minnie sank down until she laid completely flat on top of Daisy, her limbs lifeless. Having Hera's hate was a bother, but something she could live with. What did she care what a jealous wife thought?

But having Mickey's hate? That came with another brand new word in her love themed vocabulary, one she wished she could forget in that same second – heartbreak.

Tagged by the always wonderful @karasimmons and @owlways-and-forever. Thank you both! ❤❤

A - age: 20


B - biggest fear: pretty sure I have something along the lines of pantophobia 


C - current time: 10:14pm


D - drink you last had: Mountain Dew


E - every day starts with: Exhaustion and dismissing alarms if I remembered to set them


F - favorite song: so many


G - ghosts, are they real: maybe


H - hometown: [you must be at least level 3 friend to unlock my state and at least level 8 friend to unlock the general vicinity of my hometown] (I can message you two and people I’ve talked with a lot if you really want to know)


I - in love with: Killian Jones and Michael Scofield and the Tenth Doctor and so many more fictional characters


J - jealous of: “People who can eat anything they want without getting fat.” Yeeeesssssssss do you mind if I keep this answer too? This is my brother and I so wish I got those genes instead


K - killed someone: nope, but there are several fictional characters I might if I ever went that far and could kill fictional characters


L - last time you cried: Friday night after finding out our old pastor passed away


M - middle name: C.


N - number of siblings: One older brother


O - one wish: to know how and be able to life and be at peace


P - person you last called/texted: my mom


Q - questions you’re always asked: can I braid/touch/play with your hair?? (As they’re already touching/playing with my hair without permission. Yes it’s very long, but it’s. just. hair. No touchy. And it’s not original to hold it to my face like a mustache. (There are a select few people I am close to that are allowed to touch my hair and even fewer that actually ask first.))


R - reasons to smile: I’m gonna go see Wicked in April, I miiiiiiiiiight get to meet Josh Groban if my friend is correct about our university’s Broadway trip of choice and depending on the day and if I can go, Prison Break is coming back, Netflix aSoUE throwing shade at the movie (which I still enjoyed too but on its own and not as a representation of the books), the possibilty of an actual musical OUAT episode, Sherlolly, vine compilations, baby animals


S - song last sang: “These Palace Walls” from Aladdin OBC, and like five seconds of “Fixer Upper” from Frozen bc it was on tv


T - time you woke up: around 8:45am bc of church (service starts at 9:00am; my parents and I were a tad bit late today… none of us woke up on time)


U - underwear color: whyyyy do you need to know this? I don’t wanna tell the Internet! ……..dark blue.


V - vacation destination: Like dream vacation? The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, a Disney park, the U.K., more NYC, and/or more Outer Banks, NC


W - worst habit: biting my nails, worrying about eeeeeverything, zoning out a lot, picking at my skin, experiencing the worst possible turnout of conversations in my head before a conversation even happens at all, etc.


X - x-rays you’ve had: teeth, and I thiiiiiiink chest once


Y - your favorite food: anything edible basically


Z - zodiac sign: taurus

I’m tagging @alys07 @agentmarymargaretskitz @techieninja18 @lightsandmetaphors @party-with-books and anyone else who wants to do it. And as always it’s no obligation. 🙂