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strawb3rryshortcak5 · 2 years

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When You Wash Your Hair

simon ‘ghost’ riley x fem!reader

Summary: It has been 13 months since Simon has been properly home. The day before he left, the two of you got into an agonizing argument. Not knowing whether or not you will be there when he gets home, he silently walks up to the house.

Contains: SFW, angst to fluff, ooc Ghost (he is a cold man out on the field, but he is mostly a softie for you), descriptions of yelling, arguments, anxiety, abandonment, swearing, crying, anger, and also a bit of kissing, hints of alcoholism but its mentioned briefly

A/N: This is my first time writing a fanfic on tumblr so i apologize if this is shite 🤭 Let me know if there is anything i should improve on. Enjoy this long asf oneshot of our babygirl ghosty 🫶💞 Also!! based on the song ‘when you wash your hair’ by Matt Maltese

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This all started out with you voicing your concerns about your relationship. The feelings of abandonment you felt every time he left for a job and the worry and anxieties that followed after, not knowing whether he was going to come home safe or in a hearse. It scared you, you loved him, but the lack of communication during the time he was away was killing you.

You cried trying to tell him how it felt. You sobbed on the floor of your shared bedroom, telling him that you were growing apart. You never wanted to stop loving him, you didn’t think it was possible. But you could not do this to yourself by staying. It was painful.

It started to get heated when he shut down. He stopped looking at you as he sat further onto the once warm bed you two had slept in together. He grunted, and pushed himself up. Without looking back at you, he slowly marched to the other side of the room. He swiftly opened a drawer on one of two dressers you owned, this one specifically for his SAS attire. It carried his weapons, his private files, obviously his clothes, and some other miscellaneous items he kept hidden. He grabbed the black duffle that sat next to it and started packing. You sat on the floor in quiet disbelief as Simon started carefully folding and stuffing clothes into the bag.

“Simon, you can’t be serious right now.” Your once sad and lonely voice slowly drifted into an angry yelp.

Furious you felt as he continued not responding to you, you stood up and stomped over to him, grabbing what he was holding and tossing it to the side.

“What is your problem!?” You squealed as he stared at you. His face devoid of any kind of expression.

He softly moved from his kneeling position into a standing one. Keeping eye contact with you as you searched his body language for anything you could use to answer your question.

“My problem? What is your problem Y/N? You knew what you were getting into when you got with me, and now all of a sudden its a surprise i have to leave? Get a hold of yourself.” He said, starting to raise his voice.

He pushed past you to grab the pants you had thrown to the other side of the room. Stiffly walking back to the duffle and kneeling down once again. The truth is, he hated fighting with you. He hated seeing you so devastated at the fact he had to leave. He didn’t want to leave, but long ago he had gotten numb to the feeling of homesickness. Of course he missed you, but he clearly prioritized his job over you. Everyone knew this.

Not knowing how to respond to your husbands words, you walked out of the bedroom and practically ran down the stairs to the living room. Sitting down on the couch and putting your hands onto your face, covering it. Thinking over the situation and gathering the proper words to say, you decided when he came back down you would speak to him again.

A couple minutes later he descended the stairs, duffle and work boots in hand and passed your frame on the couch to go straight to the door. All the words you wanted to say were forgotten and what came out of your mouth shocked the both of you.

“If you leave right now Simon, i can’t promise i will be home when you get back.” You said, sternly. Eyes widening ever so slightly at your own sentence.

“This is my bloody job Y/N!” He bellowed. “I have to go, regardless of how you feel. If you leave that is not my fault. Do whatever the hell you want!”

Dropping his packed bag back onto the floor, He twists around to look across the room at your form. You were shaking at his response. Not from fear or sadness, but from what only one could describe as poisonous rage.

“Get out.” The calmness of your voice made the silence that came after it more deafening.

Wordlessly, he tied up his boots, grabbed all of his things he had previously collected and left by the front door, and walked out.

————————————————————————————

He was finally home. Taking a taxi from the airport to what he used to call he private safe house, he sat silent the whole drive. He was nervous. Walking up to his own house feels surreal. The nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach begins to feel painful. Anxiety fills his body, nonetheless he continues on.

The red light of the evening

The cotton that you wear

They cover up your neck this way

Adjusting his baklava and swinging his duffle further onto his shoulder, he digs in his pockets for his keys. Nearly dropping them as he pulls them out, he unlocks the door. He quickly notices that the sound of water running is most prominent in his ears. Thin walls.

“Y/N.” He says quietly. “Thank god.”

Placing his stuff down and removing the rest of his heavy gear, including his mask, he walks towards the sound of what he assumes to be the shower. He starts to sweat as he ascends the stairs. The bathroom door is slightly ajar as he creeps up to it, pushing it open slowly.

Your calm and naked crying

Washing off Chanel

From the edges of your neck this way

You don’t hear the door open, too concentrated on lathering your loofa in soap and scrubbing yourself down. Simon bought you this bath set. It had been such a wonderful surprise when he brought it home to you. Your tears flowing even more as you thought of him. You didn’t leave the house after the argument, but you did call your mom. She told you that it was completely your decision if you wanted to leave and that her advice would not have mattered anyways. So you followed the direction of your heart and stayed.

Paying back attention to your surroundings, you see a large burly figure through the slight transparency of the shower curtain. Adrenaline rushes through your veins as you yelp and pull the curtain back clumsily, enough to see this figure but not enough for them to see anything but your face.

You did some things that you forgot

Drinking wine and smoking pot

You tried to be someone you are not

Simon’s eyes soften at the sight of your surprised but tired gaze. Before he had walked up to see you, he noted the amount of empty bottles of wine laying on the floor of the living room. You had been drinking, quite a bit. This concerned him as you were not a person who drank often. Only having a shot or two when going out and certainly not drinking at home.

“Simon?” You whispered dropping the curtain and snatching the towel you had left next to the sink.

Wrapping yourself up, you step out of the shower. Not speaking a word after that. You stared at him, hard. Searching for potential wounds or new found scars on his face and arms. He doesn’t move. Your tears begin flowing again, faster than last time.

“I am so sorry, my love.” He states, taking a few steps forward and finally actually entering the bathroom.

You don’t know what to say at all. You didn’t want to forgive him. Fuck that. But deep down you knew you had already forgiven him the second he walked out the door in the first place. Covering your mouth as you began sobbing, you look to your side and back to him.

“You are a fucking asshole.” You say, nothing but sadness laced in between your words.

Marching forward you grab your husband and pull him into a tight hug, him returning it immediately. You wrap your arms around his waist and hold his shoulder from behind. He grabs your water soaked head and brings it into his chest, breathing in the scent of your shampoo.

The apology comes out easier than he expected it to. He apologized for everything you thought he wasn’t aware of. He apologized for leaving you alone. He apologized for prioritizing his job over his wife. He apologized for constantly leaving socks on the floor of your bedroom and everything else in between. Swaying you back and forth as you sobbed in his arms.

“Its okay, its okay.” You whispered over and over again as he held you. Interrupting his apologies quietly over and over again until he was done.

Pulling yourself off of him slightly you grab his face with your hands and look up into his eyes. Moving your hands up his face, you eventually run your fingers through his hair and return back down to his cheeks.

Now the morning sweeps you up

You take your evening outfit off

“Join me?” You question, quickly gazing back at the still running shower and then back to his pretty eyes. dropping the towel as you do so.

“Of course.” He whispers lovingly. Silently taking off his clothes as he follows you back into the shower.

You run your shower and lean back your head

He kisses your lips as you close the curtain. Kissing him back with everything you have, you equally as fast pull away. Muttering a quick ‘you smell’ as you move to stand behind him, grabbing the shampoo bottle and squirting some into your hand. He hums blissfully as you begin massaging his scalp. When it’s scrubbed enough, you turn him around and back him into the flowing water of the shower head. Letting the soap wash away from his hair.

“Thank you for staying. Fucking hell, i wouldn’t know what to do with myself if you left.” He smiles a bit as he says this and you are quick to lock your lips once again. More passionately this time, him knowing in his heart that you are his forever. He will always be grateful for you.

I love when you wash your hair

#If this is bad please forgive me i am not a professional fanfic writer yet 🙏#cod ghost x reader #simon riley #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon ‘ghost’ riley #call of duty #simon riley angst #simon riley fluff #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mwii

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callmeklair · 7 months

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okay, i totally forgot to post this chapter and was almost about to post the new update and cause confusion kshakbsn, so with this chap, Tumblr is finally caught up with Ao3 and new chapter tomorrow on both the sites together :D

ALSO i really love how i was able to portray Yui in this chapter, my baby deserves better.

declaration

Chapter four

“and now I'm finally free from his grip.”

Next day Yui walked down the corridors of the school hallway eagerly to reach the special classroom and tell Shin that she will accept his proposal, trying her best to stay composed, but the excitement won’t let her.

Many people mistook Yui as some crazy person as she was happily jumping up and down while walking in the hallway.

I mean who wouldn’t? Yui was always a shut-in, no matter how many people approached her. She rarely ever smiled and today they get to see this precious girl’s brightest smile. They were mesmerised by how delicate and soft her smile was. It was a surprising scene…

"Shu…?" Yui quizzically called out to the blond who suddenly took a hold of her hand, stopping her in mid of her little rendezvous.

"Don't…."

"...huh?"

"I said don't go." His voice was harsh yet desperate, causing Yui to become more confused. The hold on her hand gets tighter and the next thing she knows is that she is in an unknown empty classroom and Shu is hugging her with his head down on her shoulder.

To Yui, all the vampires' behaviour was starting to get stranger and stranger. A lot of emotions were starting to swirl inside her mind causing a knot in her stomach. This is weird and confusing…… and scary. She doesn't know why but the current atmosphere and behavioural she is encountering is making her shiver.

"That tall guy from Mukamis told us about your little hangout today. ha… seriously can't believe he gave you permission without consenting others. and you… it's still dangerous out there for you, have you forgotten? the founders."

".....!"

ah! she knows what it is.

fear.

The sudden change is causing her to fear. Just a few days ago she was considered nothing but a sacrificial bride, blood bag, food, eve, prey. and now suddenly they are….

is it because of the lunar eclipse and the threat involving founders as they are at their weakest now? Their worried nature for her suddenly doesn't settle well with her. until now all the things she has seen and been through with them… due to them, is causing her to fret over even to the slightest difference in their behaviour.

she knows this feeling. the fear exists not because they are vampires but their sudden attitude. she doesn't want to go through it again…. after the truth about her father was revealed.

what if their behaviour is caused by the lunar eclipse? what if they are just being worried because of the founders' threat and their inability to fight during this course of time?

these thoughts always appeared at the back of her mind whenever she saw them being different.

she was scared to make herself comfortable with their new way of behaviour, thinking it will all be over when the lunar eclipse ends or the threat of the founders'.

is that why she might have tried to find comfort in Shin's arms? is that why she is so unguarded around him because for once she wants to enjoy herself without any other thoughts than the moment happening? no fear of being bitten, no fear of losing her blood, no fear of angering anyone, no fear of watching her actions carefully, no fear of causing even the slightest mistakes.

she really was desperate huh

she bitterly laughed at herself, internally, with tears starting to threaten to form near her eyes.

"I have not shu-san"

"then why…" It was the first time Yui had heard him speak with such a low broken voice. this is making her own self cry at his state. why are things taking such turns that she can't even feel safe with their nice way of expressing themselves.

"what should we do then? keep hiding from them? keep running away? Aren't we just helping them by making things easier by doing all these?"

"Shu…" with little confidence within herself, Yui reached out to him and took a hold of his face in her small palms as they made an anguished eye contact.

"If their goal is me, no matter what they're going to hunt me down. even if the new transferred students are founders', we….." Yui didn't know how to comprehend her words. she wants to convey Shu about her strong determination but she falls short on how, as she can't find the correct words to describe her feelings and thoughts.

"I think I understand where you are getting at" his tone was still lower than usual but a little relieved as he started to get what Yui was on about. She is trying to protect them in her own way by finding things herself as she is the main queen connected to all of these.

Yui still remembers, when she returned from the Mukamis and asking Reiji about the details of their plan as she is involved in it but only to be dismissed by him saying that it's none of her concern before getting bitten.

that incident made her realise again how helpless she is in front of these vampires and even if she is involved in something, they won't tell her easily and keep her in the dark.

it's risky but it's also the only way to find the truth herself.

after all, she has already given up on resisting these people as she is completely aware of her powerlessness against them.

"I'll be taking my leave now" Yui politely excused herself without waiting for other's response as she left the empty classroom and rushed to the rooftop to calm her thoughts down.

– At rooftop :

she can't visit Shin in such a state, he will obviously notice the cracks in her voice. she can't be vulnerable in front of him, especially if he is one of the founders', maybe.

deep down Yui prayed miserably for Shin to not turn out a founder so she can keep drowning herself in their small cherishing moments with him.

so that she can finally be a little selfish.

no she is already being selfish by ignoring the dangers and threats around her.

w-why. Yui's thoughts start to become darker. it gets worse when she peers at the forest surrounding the school from all directions, through the metal bars which reminds her of a prison.

Grabbing them, she symbolises how the scenery beyond looks like she is watching it from a cage.

an open cage, yet… it's still a cage.

something small goes inside Yui's right ear and she hears a soft tune calming her down a little. Turning, she sees Chaewon giving her a small unsure smile fearing the blonde woman in front of her didn't want to be disturbed and she went out of her own way and still did it. But Yui was already too exhausted from her frenzy convictions to notice it.

Yui touches the small object in her ear, taking in its shape and realising it's an earpiece. and smiled.

this time, Chaewon again smiled but with certainty.

a moment passed as both of them indulged themselves in the humming in their ears.

finally Chaewon spoke. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. But when I saw you, it looked like you were getting farther from your own self."

"thank you"

Yui finally took in the girl's appearance as she noticed how her delicate features and siren eyes glimmered under the moon. her deep black long hair, which reached until her waist contrasted with her pale white skin. she looked more fragile and weaker than last time she saw her on that day. is it because of her? is it because she interfered where she wasn't?

as if reading her thoughts, Chaewon shakes her head and calls out to her. "No, I should be the one thanking you, for that day. remember? you saved me from my horrible boyfr- no, ex. If it weren't for you, maybe I wouldn't be here and instead inside a hospital or worse. That day after leaving, I immediately filed a complaint against him in the school with the help of one of the teachers"

Chaewon paused to give a teary smile.

"and now I'm finally free from his grip. so, thank you so much again."

For the first time in a while, Yui felt refreshed. a sense of achievement. No words can describe what she was feeling right now after finding that she was able to help someone to get out of their shackles that had bound them down roughly.

"uhm, I never got to know your name. mine is Ahn Chaewon, what's yours?" a new kind of energy was emitting from the girl in front of Yui and she giggled at it as she was reminded of past her. no. she is still her, just crushed between the circumstances.

"I'm Komori Yui" Yui has lost count of the times she has smiled now after conversing with Chaewon.

She has made another friend.

– At special classroom :

Yui was surprised to find the special classroom empty, but soon her expression turned sour as she thinks that she won't be able to go to Shin's house anymore and practise dance with him, if he has not come to school today.

her thoughts were interrupted by echoing footsteps behind her and her expression turned back to glee and turned around.

"What are you doing here?" it wasn't Shin. but instead his older brother Carla. Again disappointed, she tries her best to not show it obviously on her face.

"I-I was looking for shin-kun. I h-had something-g to talk to him about" more than disappointment, Yui was trying her best to hide the overwhelming pressure Carla's presence was causing on her. why does she become like this everytime in front of him?

an eerie silence befell upon the two of them and Yui inwardly begged Shin to show up as soon as possible. As on cue Shin finally showed himself.

"Yui?" the amount of relief and joy she felt just only by hearing his voice. she cried in happiness to herself in her mind.

"Shin-kun!"

"what are you doing here? with my brother?" his voice came out off-note. Yui wondered if anything happened to him, his usual cheery tone was very down.

"I wanted to t-talk to you a-about yesterday." still pressured by Carla's presence, she tries her best to not stammer and get straight to the point.

"oh." his usual smile returned as he beamingly asked if she was ready and she nodded, signalling her acceptance of his proposal.

"what is this all about?" confused, Carla's demands to know what they are talking about as he doesn't like being kept in the dark.

"it's nothing much nii-san, she just wanted to learn how to dance with me" as he explained, Shin came closer to Yui putting himself between his brother and her like a shield.

"hmph. do whatever you guys want." and he left soon after not prying more in their business but not before giving Shin a doubtful look.

– At Tsukinami manor :

"and 1, and 2 and 3. now twirl around by taking hold of my finger"

"like this?" Yui took Shin's finger as instructed by him and twirled.

"yes, very good, but your posture is a little loose which can make you disbalance and fall."

"okay, I'll take note of that!" Yui beamed as she looked around the room once again. She is still in disbelief that Shin lives in such a big luxurious yet classical manor with his brother alone. Isn't this place way too big for just two people? just like Sakamakis' and Mukamis' manors, least people but big houses.

Right now she and Shin were inside a big hall which was totally covered in baby blue and cream white palette with specks of gold. a huge chandelier hanging above them like those she has seen in royal genre movies at her home.

this house is totally giving royal vibes.

She secretly glanced at Shin and noticed how he blends so well with this colour palette, no. this colour palette blends with Shin. the gold lightening glistening over his strawberry hair as his pure golden eye shine with a sparkle and take the spotlight.

his eye…. she has never seen any gold more shining than this. she might have never had any interest in gold before but now she does and he is the reason.

"mesmerised?" Shin smirked as he observed Yui's reaction and her curious stare.

"very… it's beautiful" at this point she didn't know herself if she was talking about the room or Shin.

anguish. contempt.

it's that eye, which has brought her a sense of calmness, relief and freedom in the midst of all the chaos and hell she is living in.

only if she knew, how that eye is also going to bring all the emotions opposite of what she achieved above in some time.

anguish. contempt.

#diabolik lovers #yui komori #dialovers #komori yui #diabolik lovers fandom #shin tsukinami #shu sakamaki #diabolik lovers yui #shuyui #carla tsukinami #shinyui #shin x yui #shu x yui

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spreadyovrwings · 1 year

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My Love, My Life

it’s been about a year since i deleted the tim blog (if any of you remember that) and sometimes i miss the little fandom that got me through a pandemic and an awful time in my personal life, but just as i was starting to regress haha my girl informs me that she saved one fic before i deleted the blog, so, here it is, reposted.

i doubt i’ll ever write about him again but i do think some instance of tim should stay up on tumblr. i’m very proud of the weird little guy we made and so here he is again as a reminder of good times and good friends.

It hadn’t stopped raining all day. It was there before he first opened his eyes that morning. It was there on his walk to work. It was there when he locked himself away in his office, during the weekly meeting, while he was trying to work. It even followed him home.

Now, it was dark outside and water still struck the windows of his little apartment. Tim watched it reproachfully. Rain was supposed to bring life, to wash away all that had gone before. To him, it was just unsettling, cruel and cold.

He usually felt safe here, in the little home he’d built for himself. He could usually just curl up under a blanket and block out the noise as he waited for sleep to claim him. But this was different.

Tim had spent all day trying to figure out why, why the cold anxiety in his chest felt even worse than usual, why it felt like there was a rope tied around his middle, pulling tighter and tighter as the day wore on.

It wasn’t until he passed the kitchen door that he noticed the date on the calendar, hanging crooked by the phone. It must have been sitting in the back of his subconscious all day.

Tim stood in his empty kitchen, watching rivulets stream down the window pane out of the corner of his eye.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t know how he could make himself feel better. He glanced at the clock. Well, there was one thing he could try.

Lex picked up after five rings. Tim almost hung up, fearing that she wasn’t home, but just as he moved the phone away from his ear, he heard it click.

“Hey, Tim.”

“Lex-”

“Did Ellie leave her book bag at your place? She can’t find it anywhere.”

Tim squeezed his eyes shut as thunder rumbled cross the sky.

“No, I don’t think so. I’ll check.”

“She had such a good time last weekend. She keeps telling her friends that her uncle is Indiana Jones.”

That made Tim smile, his first reprieve from the noise in his head all day.

“He’s an archeologist.”

Lex sighed.

“She’s seven, Tim.”

“And a thief. Indiana Jones, I mean. Not Ellie.”

“Did you call just to rag on Indiana Jones?”

“I just don’t think he’s a good representative f-”

“Timmy.”

The nickname stopped him in his tracks. No one ever called him that, not since he was a kid. Only Lex was allowed and only in special circumstances, when she was teasing him or when she thought he was talking too much. It was her gentle way of bringing him back to the present. But the present is exactly where he didn’t want to be.

“Do you know what today is?”

She laughed softly.

“Uh, Tuesday?”

“Lex.”

“June 11th, Tim. Why? What does-”

She broke off so abruptly, he thought for a moment they’d been disconnected.

When Lex spoke again, her voice was low and quiet.

“Oh.”

Tim pressed his knuckles into his forehead, hard. He leaned back against the wall, teeth gritted so tight that his jaw ached.

He was an idiot. He was a stupid, spiteful idiot. Just because he was overwhelmed by the memories, that didn’t mean Lex was too. She was happy. She had moved on. He’d ruined everything.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” Tim turned and pressed his head against the wall, trying to keep his breaths even. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, no, it’s okay, Tim.”

“No, you’d forgotten and I made you remember. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”

“I’m glad you did. And I hadn’t forgotten. I don’t think I c-” Lex went quiet for a moment, then she asked, “Do you want to come over? We’re just about to have dinner, I could save you some?”

Tim shook his head, even though he desperately wanted to accept.

“No, no, it’s okay.”

“Are you sure? It won’t be a problem, we can just-”

“Lex, it’s fine. Thanks.” Tim forced a smile, even if there was no one around to see it. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Well, okay. If you’re sure.”

Lex didn’t sound convinced. He wasn’t surprised. She could always tell when he was lying, even when they were little. She could read him like a book. But she knew better than to push, especially on a day like today.

“Ellie would love to see you.”

The thought of his niece made Tim smile again.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He didn’t wait to hear her hang up. Tim put down the phone, keeping his hand pressed against the receiver as he tried decide what to do.

His head was so loud. Memories of the park, of his grandfather, the rain and the mud, swarmed like bees. More thunder rolled outside but all he could see was the flash of jagged teeth, burning yellow eyes, and his sister’s screams.

Tim passed Angela on his way to the door. She watched him grab his jacket, tail waving uneasily back and forth. She gently called out to him as he walked past again, arching her back towards him hopefully, but Tim only scratched her head.

The sound of the front door slamming shut behind him echoed through the apartment.

You were just settling a pot of water on the stove when you heard the loud knock at the door. You frowned, glancing up at the clock on the wall. It was almost ten, who on earth could be hammering on your door at this time?

You turned down the hob till just a tiny flame remained then pulled your old cardigan tighter around your body as you moved through your apartment to the front door.

Heart pounding, you peered through the spy-hole and gasped when you saw who was there. You moved back and wrenched open the door.

“Tim?”

He was dripping wet, rainwater slid down his face and off the ends of his hair. Tim’s shirt was two shades darker than it should have been and he’d left a small puddle on your doorstep. His shoes squeaked slightly as he stepped closer.

“Can I come in?”

You stared, too shocked to move. When you regained your senses, you moved to the side, gently pulling Tim inside.

The warmth of your apartment was almost painful. His skin smarted as you guided him into your living room, leaving a small trail of rainwater in his wake.

“I’m sorry,” Tim’s voice was hoarse, his throat raw. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have- You’re probably busy.”

“Shut up, of course I’m not. I’m never busy.” You squeezed his elbow, grimacing when water seeped onto your hand. “God, you’re soaked. Lemme take your jacket.”

He let you undress him, his eyes unseeing as you carefully guided his arms out of his thin outer layer. You threw it over the radiator, leaving it to dry as you went back to help him out of his shirt.

“Were you working late again?”

“No, I- I was at home and then I realised what day it is and I couldn’t- I didn’t feel- I had to get out of there,” Tim’s gaze flicked between you and the floor, his voice shaking. “And I was just walking around and I realised I was near your place and I had- I just had to see you. I-”

Your voice was gentle as you carefully began to unbutton the front of his shirt.

“Why were you walking around in the rain?”

“I…”

You paused, glancing up at him to make sure it was alright for you to keep going. When Tim nodded, his gaze fixed on you now, you moved onto the next button, carefully working your way down until you could push his shirt off his broad shoulders to reveal the plain white shirt you knew he would be wearing underneath.

“It’s been twenty-six years. Today. Twenty-six years today.”

Tim shuddered as you stepped closer, hoping you’d think it was just because of the cold and not the effect you had on him. It was the most he’d been touched in… Well, he couldn’t remember how long. It was enough to make his stomach lurch as your hands brushed his bare skin.

“Twenty-six years and I still can’t hear the damn rain without feeling like I’m gonna be sick.”

Your stomach twisted. You knew all about the incident. Tim had spoken about it only once or twice in all the time that you’d known each other, but you’d seen his scars, you knew the story, you knew how the fear he felt as a child still had its claws in him, even now.

“Tim-”

He looked down at the floor. He’d left patches of water on your carpet but you didn’t seem to care. His face felt hot, his eyes scratching. Soon, warm tears sliced through the cold water on his cheeks.

“It’s pathetic,” He spat out the words, angry and frightened and sad all at once. “Why can’t I- Why can’t I just get over it? I’m not a kid anymore, I shouldn’t be so scared all the time. I hate it.”

“It’s not pathetic,” you murmured.

There was a pause, just a beat, and then you moved closer.

Tim had half expected you to keep him at arm’s length, just like his parents, just like everyone he’d ever known, but you pulled him into a tight hug. He was soaked through and freezing, but you held him close against you, so close that he could feel your heart beating.

Then you were speaking to him, speaking to him in a voice so soft but so firm, a spark in your eyes, as you held his face between your hands.

“You went through something that no one else can understand. There’s no… Time limit for recovery.”

Your warm hands stung his skin but Tim leaned into them, wanting more, more of your warmth, more of you.

“I just… I wish I could…”

He rested his hands over yours, his long fingers completely covering your own, pressing them tighter against his cheeks.

“I know.”

Your thumb brushed away a stray tear. The thunder still growled outside but neither of you noticed it now.

“I know.”

Tim closed his eyes, taking in a few deep breaths.

He knew if he saw you, he would feel better. There was just something about you, this burning, golden light. It surrounded you, glowing stronger when you looked at him. He could feel it like sunlight on his skin. He couldn’t help but become addicted to the way you smiled at him, the shimmer of your voice, the warmth of your touch.

He could very easily stay like this forever, but he’d interrupted your evening, stormed in here jabbering about his problems, probably frightening you half to death at this late hour.

“Sorry,” he whispered, gently moving your hands away from his face. “I’m sorry, I should go.”

But your hands found his shoulders before he could go anywhere.

“Stay,” your murmured.

It was the most beautiful word he’d ever heard. Tim felt a shiver seep over his skin as your hands slipped down his arms, then around to his back.

“I shouldn’t have barged in like that-”

“Stay,” you said again, firm but gentle.

Tim gazed down at you. He wondered what on earth he had done to deserve you, he wondered how you always knew just what to say. He wondered if this is what love felt like, real love. He wondered if you knew that you felt like home to him, but like no home he’d ever known. He wondered.

“Have you eaten?”

Tim blinked, still dazed by your gentle touches.

“What?”

“Dinner. Have you had any?”

When he shook his head, you smiled and took his hand, guiding him to the sofa.

You left him for a moment to check that the pot on the stove hadn’t boiled over, then disappeared into the bathroom.

When you returned, you had a towel in your hands. You walked around to sit beside him on the sofa, shifting closer until your knee pressed against his thigh.

Instead of just leaving him to it, you began to towel his hair dry for him, moving the soft material around so carefully that Tim almost burst into tears. No one had ever been so gentle with him. You hummed to yourself as you worked, an unfamiliar tune but lovely all the same.

It was such a comforting feeling; he’d never really been looked after before. Tim had to hold in a soft moan as your fingers worked deep into his hair, moving from the roots all the way to the tips until it was no longer damp and he felt a lot warmer.

“Do you want the TV on? Music?”

Tim immediately missed your gentle touches when you stood up, his heart aching. But then you tugged a blanket from the back of the sofa and lifted it up high above his head so that it fell behind him, settling on his back. You pulled the corners around his shoulders, pushing them gently into his hands.

“Music would be nice.”

You left him on the sofa again, turning to run your fingertip along the spines of your CD collection. When you found the one you were looking for, you pulled it from the ranks with one finger, prised open the case and slipped it into the player.

Tim pulled in a long breath, and at last the tension in the pit of his stomach eased. He drew in another breath and another until he no longer felt that fearful ache. Then familiar music encircled his head with the same warmth as the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders.

‘I’ve seen it on your face, tells me more than any worn-out old phrase. So, now we’ll go separate ways. Never again we two, never again, nothing I can do…’

“I love this song.”

You smiled, laughing softly as you slipped the CD back onto the shelf.

“I know you do.”

And there it was. The terrifying, wonderful, strange truth of it all. You knew him. You knew.

You told him you were just going to start dinner but he could stay there, if he liked, in the warm. Tim agreed at first, happy to just do as he was told. But as the soft music soared around your apartment, he felt courage guide his body.

Soon he was in the kitchen with you, gently wrapping an arm around you waist.

Surprised, you turned away from the pasta boiling on the stove, and let out a relieved sigh as he pulled you against his chest. It felt so good to hold him, so good to be held by him, to have Tim’s hands on your back, his chest against yours.

“Thank you,” he murmured, turning and pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

It was just a quick, chaste thing, but it made your heart pound. You were worried he’d be able to feel it as he pressed closer against you.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You did. Trust me.”

Tim moved away but not far, his gaze drifting between your eyes and your mouth. Thunder boomed outside but he didn’t even flinch.

He bent his head forward, his hands warm even through all your clothes.

“Thank you,” he murmured again, letting his forehead bump gently against yours.

Your breath shuddered as your eyes closed, and you bit your lip, embarrassed. Your heart seemed to be pushing against your ribs, pushing you forward against him, guiding your hands as they rose to press against his chest. You could feel his heart hammering under your palm.

“Can I..?”

He was so close now that his breath brushed your lips.

“Would it be alright if I..?”

You smiled.

“Yes.”

First his nose brushed yours, his hands smoothing down your sides to rest on your hips, then his lips just grazed your own. It was so gentle, you hardly felt it, but it was enough to set your heart racing.

You wanted more than anything to pull him tighter against you, but you waited patiently for him to move again. You would wait forever if he needed you to.

But then Tim’s hands pressed in, pulling you tighter against him, and your breath caught, lips parting as his mouth moved against yours, slowly, tentatively, but so, so, lovingly.

Tim found himself forgetting every worry that curled around his heart, every doubt he’d ever had about himself. All that mattered was you, just you and him, kissing in your kitchen on a stormy night.

You were disappointed when he eventually pulled away but he didn’t go far. You felt the tip of his nose brush past your cheek, then his forehead was pressed against yours again.

“You wouldn’t believe how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

He was warm, inviting. You didn’t want to let go. You were so stunned, you couldn’t even bring yourself to open your eyes, and when you finally managed to speak, your voice was small and breathless.

“Probably about as long as I have.”

You were so close that you were murmuring into each other’s mouths.

Tim let go of your hips with one hand, gently holding your face instead. His hands were rough and calloused, you could feel the raised lines of his scars against your skin. All you could think about was how they would feel running down your body, but that was another thought for another time.

Tim smiled to himself as you leaned into his hand, just as he had done to you.

“I came here because you’re the only thing that distracts me, from the rain, from all of it.”

You opened your eyes at last. In the low light, his gaze was warm and soft.

“I think that’s a compliment?”

Laughing softly, he moved closer still, and now Tim could feel every curve of your body against his. He felt a shiver run over his skin.

“It is, promise.”

There was a pause, just a moment, and all you could do was look at each other. Then your hands slipped up to his shoulders, pulling him back to you and you pressed your lips against his, much harder and more desperate than before, pulling at his bottom lip with your teeth, earning yourself a groan.

With a delighted laugh, you slipped your hand into his hair, pulling softly. You felt Tim practically melt against you, and you knew that he knew that you loved him, that he was safe, that everything was going to be alright, that you had him.

Tim groaned as your tongue pressed against his, moaning your own name into your mouth. His voice was so soft, almost like he was praying. He spoke your name pleadingly, quietly, kissing you so desperately that your whole body curved into his.

His hands were everywhere, excited and eager, on your back, pressing under the hem of your shirt, making you break the kiss with a gasp.

Tim took the opportunity and tried to catch his breath for a moment, his forehead pressed against yours again. He pulled in a shaky breath, hoping to settle his nerves but it had little effect.

Instead, he laughed, breathless and hopelessly happy as you pressed kisses all over his face, letting him know that you wanted him, loved him, needed him, whilst the storm raged on outside.

Instead, he just laughed, breathless and hopelessly happy as you pressed kisses all over his face, letting him know that you wanted him, loved him, needed him, whilst the storm raged on outside.

#if this means nothing to anyone then that’s fine #but i thought it would be nice just to have this here as a nice reminder of good times #dr. tim murphy #doctor tim murphy #tim murphy #tim murphy fic #tim murphy x reader #tim murphy x you #jurassic park

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abubblingcandle · 7 months

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Candle's Whumptober Masterlist

Posting this to pin before tomorrow as a tumblr place to keep all the links together

Day 1 - Safety Net

Friend Material - Jamie gets beaten up, lies to Ted about why he is hurt, Dani comes to try and help him feel better but ends up leading a seminar on the magic of friendship

“I do, get that,” Dani began. He kept his voice quiet and soft like he was talking to a skittish racehorse not a premier league footballer. “I prefer to think of it like a safety net. You hope to never need it but when you need it most it is there to catch you. Friends should always catch you when you need it most.”

Day 2 - "They don't care about you."

Snap Chapter 3 - Jane kicks Beard out and he calls Jamie for a drink together to take his mind off it

Day 3 - Broken

A Treatment Room Doors Moment Chapter 1 - What if Roy was the one to see James Tartt Sr throw a boot at his son? It would have gone a lot differently

Sometimes it is the smallest of moments that change lives. That moment could be catching a train or it could be viewed through the window of a Treatment Room door.

In one scenario, an American in London stumbles upon an old protégé in a perilous situation facing down his own blood. The American walks away, that moment is seemingly forgotten but it shapes both their lives in seen and unseen ways.

In one scenario, a veteran of the sport has played his last as the young starlet contemplates his future while faced with his past. One rescues the other, leading to their fates being intertwined.

We've seen how the first scenario plays out. This story follows what might have happened if it had been the second instead.

Day 4 - "You in there?"

Have You Noticed You Are Breathing Chapter 7 - Jamie overexerted himself the night before and struggles to sleep with the pain and whirring of his brain. Ted recruits David Attenborough, Henry Lasso and some cute hamsters to help him make Jamie feel better

Day 5 - "You better pray I don't get up this time around."

Maybe Next Time He'll Think Chapter 1 - Jamie takes in his dad after he leaves rehab but they get into an argument and Jamie hospitalises his dad. He calls Keeley for help and she has to deal with the consequences

The reconciliation between the Tartt men had been a constant worry in the back of Keeley's mind. She compared it to a ticking time bomb. You didn't know when it was going to go but it would and it never let you forget it.

She didn't think that Jamie would be the one to blow though

Day 6 - Recording

Dutch Courage Ch3 - Jamie starts to let other people in and return to life as normal as others realise what Jamie is going through. However a spanner is thrown into the works when Jamie recieves a video from his stalker

Day 7 - Radio Silence

Missing in Play Action - Ted leaves to go play in the MLS after Ted says no to taking him back to Richmond. He cuts off all contact and seems to be a shadow of himself. Keeley tasks Ted and Beard with going and checking in on him

Ted hadn't thought about Jamie Tartt since that ill fated night in the Crown and Anchor where he turned Jamie away. When Keeley wants Ted to check on a friend who is ghosting her while he's over the pond back in the USA, he doesn't plan on mending bridges but it's a good job he always has his hammer ready to go.

Day 8 - Overcrowded ER

Roll Call Chapter 2 - Dani and Colin arrive at the hospital. In the chaos Colin tries to communicate with Richmond but Dani has a bad concussion and needs his friend.

Day 9 - "You're a liar."

A Treatment Room Doors Moment Chapter 2 - Roy deals with the aftermath of his injury. Jamie deals with the aftermath of his altercation with his father. Corwin has to deal with both of them, the poor soul. But Roy and Jamie somehow find some comfort in each other.

Day 10 - Aftermath of Failure

Where the Hell is the Karma? Chapter 3 - Roy panics and tries to hold together the Richmond crew as the police search for the missing Jamie Tartt

Day 11 - Captivity

Where the Hell is the Karma? Chapter 2 - Jamie is taken in the boot of his own car by Bug and Denbo. He is locked in a basement room where time passes and he starts to panic that no one is looking for him. Because surely they would have found him by now ... Right?

Day 12 - Insomnia

One Step Out of Time Chapter 1 - Jamie panics when his dad gets out of rehab. Roy does everything he can try and get Jamie to just go to sleep!

Jamie thought he was rebuilding a relationship with his father. He thought he would be fine when James Tartt Sr was back out into the world as a free sober man. Jamie was wrong on all counts. Now Jamie can't sleep no matter what he tries and why is Roy being so goddamn nice to him all of a sudden?

Jamie explores his relationship with his father, his relationship with his Roy and his relationship with the concept of a relationship all while trying to hold onto his own sanity

Day 13 - "I don't feel so good."

Roll Call Chapter 3 - Sam contends with a dislocated shoulder and tries tog et himself to hospital. Colin struggles with having to be the responsible one and Sam battles the trolls

Day 14 - "Just hold on"

Maybe Next Time He'll Think Ch2 - Jamie is released on bail and ... doesn’t handle it well. Keeley overworks. Beard is the only rational person in this whole house and Doc Sharon sets everyone on the right path

Day 15 - "I'm fine."

Snap Chapter 5 - Jamie calls a meeting but Beard struggles with always being the bridesmaid to Ted's bride after Ted's funeral based breakdown

Day 16 - "Just lie with me and forget the world"

Make Me Fret Chapter 4 - Jamie is released from hospital and has to hide out at Roy's to avoid the vultures. Rupert loses everything but still tries to turn his army of keyboard wankers on Jamie. All Jamie wants is to get back out on the pitch and prove everyone wrong

Day 17 - "Leave me alone"

Like a Black Hole - Jamie's POV of his return to Man City as he implodes

Jamie really feels like he's turned a corner at AFC Richmond and maybe this is his chance to grow like Ted wanted him to.

Then the rug gets pulled out from underneath him

Day 18 - "I tend to deflect when I am feeling threatened"

Snap Chapter 4 - Jamie is getting fed up of being the Richmond whipping boy and wants to be able to snark back ... but he's worried about finding the line between banter and prickdom

Day 19 - "I'm not as stupid as you think I am."

Forgetting How These Things Always Go - Jamie is still around Richmond for Nate's tough love speech and gets teased for being a "weak little baby". He doesn't take it well

Roy doesn't know what to think when the kitman starts roasting the team he works for with the permission of their coach. But the one thing he does know is Jamie does not react to it well

Day 20 - Found Family

It Takes a Village (or a Professional Football Team) - Roy is ill and cannot attend Phoebe's Cup Final. Jamie organises it so that Roy can watch and the whole Richmond crew come down to support her

Roy Kent is sick, Ruth O'Sullivan is at work, Phoebe O'Sullivan has a very important cup final. With both of Jamie's favourite Kents sad, he needs to come up with a plan to make sure this day is the best it can be. This is a job for Uncle Jamie.

Day 21 - Restraints

Where the Hell is the Karma? Chapter 1 - Jamie is kidnapped by Bug and Denbo when they try to rob his house to get money

He had been at Ola’s with Sam. Sam was one of the only teammates that had stayed in London and was just doing admin at the restaurant so Jamie, being the clingy little shit he was, just went to go bless Sam with his presence. It was late when the taxi pulled up and Jamie was tired and ready for bed. He unlocked his door, turned to bolt it and then black.

Bug and Denbo look for an easy pay day robbing the son of their friend and end up with Jamie in peril, none of his friends aware enough to help and no one with a clue how to get out of this situation with their sanity, limbs and freedom intact

Day 22 - Vehicular Accident

Roll Call Chapter 1 - The Richmond team bus is involved in a major collision. Colin is the least hurt of all the first team and has to deal with the aftermath

Colin heard the accident before he saw it. “Fucking idiot,” Jeff cursed from the back of the bus. Before Colin could turn there was an almighty crunch followed by an ear-splitting tearing sound. Colin’s head snapped to the side with a jerk and he felt weightless for a moment. Time slowed. The bus skidded.

AFC Richmond end up in a bus accident on the way to a game and Colin has to contend with the near death of his closest friends

Day 23 - Stalking

Dutch Courage Chapter 1 - Jamie has been dealing with having a stalker. Everyone tells him it is fine apart from Jan Maas who takes him home to keep him safe.

Jan Maas is well aware of the ways his teammates can be idiots but this was a new low. Sitting around assuming everything would be ok when a crazed fan has been following your every moment and apparently knows where you live ... Jamie had lost his mind!

Day 24 - Neglect

Gonna Know My Name Chapter 1 - Baby!Jamie meets his hero Roy Kent realising that he is his best friend's uncle. Roy starts to learn a bit more about Jamie and gets suspicious of his home life

Roy Kent meets a child prodigy at his outreach day at Phoebe's school and is immediately fascinated with his niece's new best friend. When it turns out the young family is struggling, Roy can relate more than they think and decides to lend a hand adding to his small family.

Day 25 - Panic

Make Me Fret Chapter 3 - Roy is convinced by the war room that he is the best option to tell Jamie that his accident wasn't an accident. Jamie panics and takes it badly

Day 26 - "You look awful"

Where the Hell is the Karma? Ch5 - Jamie reunites with his family and friends in Manchester. Recovery is a long frustrating road for all out of Jamie, Roy, Georgie and Simon including steps forward and paparazzi induced set backs

Day 27 - "Let me see."

Dutch Courage Chapter 2 - Jamie settles in to Jan's house. The team continue to be lax about Jamie's safety, the stalker escalates and Jamie ain't no snitch

Day 28 - "You'll have to go through me."

Call a Responsible Adult (you promised) - James Tartt Sr makes an appearance and beats up Jamie while he is looking after Phoebe. Phoebe calls Roy to come save Jamie

Jamie is asked to pick Phoebe up from school while her mother and uncle are working. Jamie's father is released from rehab without Jamie being informed. Together these facts spell disaster.

Day 29 - "I only sink deeper, the deeper I think"

Thuiskomen - Jamie spirals worrying about meeting his boyfriend's parents for the first time

Jan wants his long term boyfriend Jamie to come to the Netherlands to meet his family for Christmas. Initially Jamie panics and ropes in Roy to pull him out of the destructive thought spiral but in the end all he needs to do is take a leap of faith.

Day 30 - "Its ok to say I'm not ok"

It's Not Lost, You Just Don't Know Where It's Gone - Roy torments Jamie on another bike ride confessing that it is the anniversary of his grandad's death and he regrets burning Blankie. Turns out that Jamie accidentally saved Blankie but didn't know this old blanket was important to anyone

Roy and Jamie go cycling again when Roy is struggling with his feelings. Their chat turns to nostalgia and thinking about that ghost fire. Roy tells Jamie about the blanket he regrets burning ... which puts Jamie in an awkward situation for many reasons. 1) Jamie didn't burn the boots his mum gave him 2) And he just lied to Roy about that 3) Roy's blanket didn't burn either 4) And he's just lied to Roy about that as well

Day 31 - "Take it easy"

A Lasso Tartt Kent Jones Sutton O'Sullivan Welton Beard Family Christmas Chapter 1 - This is the first Christmas with all parts of Jamie's family together, and so he has multiple panic attacks about it

Jamie Tartt wants to bring together his new and old family for the festive season. It somehow ends with all the people that have come to care about Jamie coming together in celebration.

Despite that ... Jamie is stressed

#candle writes #candle whumptober #masterlist #whumptober 2023

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angela-the-fox · 10 months

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I feel extremely left out and ignored by my fake irl friends....

I often love to get attention to them and they do the same to me,but they looked like they ignored me when i was speaking to them,they started to faking it,like they don't want to talk to me.My mom always wished that i need attention to be friends.If i have none or nobody,well.........

It really triggered me being ignored being friendless.

Maybe....am i really friendless?Or i did something wrong to make friends or get other friends'attention because i was really clingy to everyone?

I......in the past,i sometimes always got attention from my friends and my parents really wished that my friend would be a really true friend who never left me replaced,forgotten, spreading rumors and saying that "You are such a pick me.Oh pick me,pick me","Omg,you really have on my nerves,go away freak!!","Is it just me?Or did she just want attention starved from us?" or "You are such an attention starve,because you have no friends who want to be by your side!".I sometimes cry in my sleep who wants to get rid of this on my mind,but.....NO!!!!It keeps going.I'm really sensitive that they want to be extremely rude to me.

It really scared me a bit.....i sometimes get nightmares being ignored by them.Such a fakers!!!!!

If.......i looked like i'm a freak, don't see me....and spread rumors about me.If you are like that person who wants to laugh about it.

If not that person..........

I would be really glad.🥲

If you want a virtual hug or comfort,go ahead.

I super wished to get really comfortable with best/close friends spending time together.

I'm not acting clingy to everyone who thinks that i am crazy and wants to spend time.

And a very serious question in honesty is:"Am i a pick me to spend time?Or am i looking ugly to be your friend?"

You know what,i give up not having a true friend who really cares about my mental health.

I feel uncomfortable being on Tumblr for a while.I guess i should spend time with my family more than best friends.

#tw: social anxiety #my blog #tw: spoilers

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downwiththeficness · 6 months

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Shadow and Veil-Chapter Twenty Nine

Summary: Eva Moore’s life was a carefully constructed fiction. Every day, she did exactly what her mother in law, her husband, and his best friend expected of her. No mistakes. And, that was going pretty well for Eva right up until a huge complication literally tried to run her over. Now, she’s faced with trying to keep the pieces of her life from falling apart while attempting (and failing) to keep her feelings for her husband’s new business partner at bay.

A/N: This fic is a sister-fic to A Need So Great and A Need Unleashed. You do not need to have read ANSG or ANU to read this fic, but there are Easter eggs from those fics in Shadow and Veil for readers with keen eyes. This fic is explicit for canon-compliant blood, gore, violence, and sex. As such, it is intended for an adult audience, only. A/B/O dynamics come with their own warning. Anyone under the age of 18 should not interact with this work. I do not consent to reposting this work to other platforms. Reblog only to Tumblr.

Word Count: ~4,200

Start from the beginning Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Masterlist Read on AO3

The cafe was very crowded. Not a single table was open and all the seats at the bar were taken. Stag Nation wailed over the amplifiers while people danced close together. The air was thick with the smell of sweat and alcohol. Above, the air conditioning struggled to keep up with the heat of bodies packed into the room way beyond capacity.

Eva sat between Josh and Alexei in their booth, nursing a glass of sour white wine in sullen silence. Her role tonight was sit there and do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. As far as anyone at the table was concerned, Eva didn’t exist.

Not so long ago, she might have been just fine with that. It served her well to be easily dismissed and forgotten in a crowded room. Eva could do her best thinking when she slipped past the notice of the people around her.

Now...now, she bristled against it.

People were laughing and talking everywhere. Liquor and wine and beer flowed in every glass. No matter where she looked, Eva saw a life she’d barely tasted. A life she would never live if she didn’t get the fuck away from Josh.

The man in question tossed back his drink, “He’s late.”

“He’s always late,” Alexei sneered, “Try to be patient, for once.”

The rift between them hadn’t been mended, leaving Eva sitting in the middle of two best friends who hated each other—which was just perfect. She finished her glass, wincing all the way, and ordered another.

Stag Nation finished their set and Lizzy thanked the crowd for being so nice. She slid off the stage, heading for their booth. As she sauntered closer, Eva wondered how much she knew about what was going on. And, if she did know exactly what was going on, who did she get her information from? Horacio? Or Josh? Both?

She didn’t have a lot of time to ponder the question. Lizzy moved quickly and efficiently through the crowd, sliding into the booth a wide smile.

“Hello!”

Josh, a little less enthusiastically than normal, replied, “Hello, Lizzy. Good to see you.”

With a coy turn of her shoulders, Lizzy said, “Same to you. Hope you’re enjoying the show.”

“The band is in fine form tonight.”

“Aren’t we? Some nights you just fall into the groove, you know?”

Josh hummed, non-committal. Alexei’s attention was on the crowd. Neither of them seemed particularly interested in holding a conversation. The burden, then, fell to Eva.

Feeling awkward, she prompted, “Did you find an apartment?”

Lizzy’s eyes lit up, “Actually, we got a record deal. Can you believe it?”

“That’s wonderful,” Eva replied, knowing that Lizzy was bullshitting her.

Leaning her forearms against the table, the blonde jumped into an explanation that was so smooth and rehearsed that even Eva believed it a little bit, “So, this guy showed up at one of our weeknight gigs. And, the place was dead. Seriously dead. But, we played anyway—its good practice.” She took a breath, “After the show he comes up to us and offers us a contract. We fly out to California next week!”

What a coincidence, Eva thought, with sarcasm, That’s when the warrant will be served.

All the players in a game that had been going on for almost six months were tying up loose ends, including Eva. She glanced around the table—was she the only person who knew all sides of it? Did that make her more prepared or less prepared for the oncoming storm?

Realizing that she hadn’t said anything to Lizzy, she managed, “That’s very exciting. I wish you all the best.”

Lizzy reached over and placed her hand over Eva’s, “Same to you.” Then, to the table, “I have to get back, but it was so good seeing you guys. I’ll send you a copy of our record when we get it pressed.”

Eva smiled, “I’ll look for it in the mail.”

Hands coming up to frame her face, Lizzy preened, “It’ll have this pretty mug on it.”

Sliding out of the booth, Lizzy waved a happy goodbye to them and spun around to disappear into the crowd. Eva watched her go, feeling surprisingly wistful. Even though her entire personality was fake, Lizzy was likable. After all was said and done, Eva thought she might miss her.

A figure moved through the throng of people, parting it wide shoulders and a confident step. Horacio was dressed an uncharacteristically subdued suit (for Diego) that flashed with navy in the lights. His smirk was not at all subdued. Horacio’s mouth curled in an expression of such smug pride that Eva temporarily forgot that she liked the man underneath. Her hands itched atop the table with the urge to reach out and slap him.

She wasn’t the only one.

The scents of the men sitting on either side of her were ripe with anger. Alexei shifted in his seat and she caught the way his hand settled over the cutlery. His eyes were on Horacio and he looked very much like he wanted to kill the man. To her left, Josh inhaled and schooled his features so that he could do what he came here to do.

Instead of sitting in the booth with all of them, Horacio veered off to the side and snapped up a chair that he placed at the far end of the circular table. His posture was loose when he sat down, as if he hadn’t grievously insulted one or both of the men at the table.

He looked good.

His hair was slicked back artfully from his face and he’d shaved. The shadows under his eyes were less distinct and his gaze was clear. Eva inhaled a discreet breath, noting the lack of stress in his scent. Eyes narrow, she realized that he had a plan for how this evening would go.

“Your meeting is in two days. On the phone, of course. My supplier won’t fly to the states.”

Josh nodded, “That’s understandable.”

“Then, I’ve held up my side of the deal,” Horacio asserted, “I expect my money before that phone call.”

Eva sensed Josh’s anger overcome his tight control a fraction of a second before it exploded out of him. The muscles along his arms clenched and his feet pushed down into the floor. His scent swirled wildly with sour fruit and salt.

“I think you’ve been paid well enough!”

Alexei spread his fingers over the knife in front of him, but remained silent. He was, apparently, willing to let his friend vent for the moment.

Horacio’s expression neutralized and he leaned forward, “You agreed to the terms, doctor.”

“The terms were—,”

“Whatever I wanted,” Horacio finished for him. “Whatever. I. Wanted.”

Josh shook his head, “Its one thing to knot the little slut, but you started a bond you son of a bitch.”

Horacio shrugged.

A hand grabbed at the back of her neck and slammed Eva forward. She managed to turn her face to the side in time to avoid breaking her nose against the table, but the blow left her wincing. She sat up and massaged the sting out of her cheekbone.

“Ah, there it is!” Josh crowed.

Eva blinked through her blurred vision to see the facade of Diego slip enough that Horacio showed through. His dark eyes were narrowed blades that cut across his face and the calm had faded from his scent. It left anger in its wake.

“That’s your mistake, Jimenez,” Josh asserted with a pointed finger, “You might have liked her before, but now...Now, you can’t go without her. Believe me, I know. We see it all the time in my line of work.” A pause, then, “You alphas are so confident until you bond and then all you are is an omega’s bitch.”

It certainly didn’t feel like Horacio was her bitch.

He might want to please her. He might do as she asked. But, Eva had no delusions about her influence on him. He would make the decision he thought was best and that would be the end of the story. Full stop.

Horacio tilted his head back so that he looked down his nose at Josh, “Where are you going with this?”

The heavy arm of her husband laid over her shoulders, pulling Eva into his side, “We’re gonna make another deal.”

“Are we?” Horacio asked, his voice low and dangerous.

“Yes,” Josh replied, “we are. Because all I have to do is put a little pressure on this woman,” he dug a thumb into her gland, “and you’ll fold.”

Fuck, it hurt. Eva squirmed in her seat, unable to keep the cry of pain at bay. She reached up and wrapped her fingers around his thumb, pulling it from her skin and holding his hand against her shoulder.

“You’re our errand boy, now,” Josh said, “You bring us product. You coordinate routes across the border. You do as I say, and I make sure Eva is well taken care of.”

Horacio sucked his teeth, “Let’s say I agree. What happens after her heat? After the bond breaks? You have to know this deal is time limited. What leverage will you have then?”

Josh smiled, “Eva hasn’t had a heat in years, Diego. Who knows how long until her next one?”

Even Eva had to admit that Josh had him boxed in. She watched Horacio think about it, watched him calculate in real time.

“I think this is a conversation that we should take to a place with fewer ears,” he said, eventually. “I have a particularly nice bottle of bourbon at my apartment. Let’s have some and discuss our deal.”

Without waiting for a response, Horacio was up and out of his seat. He moved through the crowd and disappeared as quickly as he’d come, leaving the three of them alone to decide if they would follow.

“Its a trap,” Alexei said.

“No,” Josh shot back, “He can’t risk it. Not if we have Eva with us.”

Alexei cut Josh a look, “He could have a whole army in his apartment.”

Josh returned the look, “That’s why you’re coming along. You’ve never lost a fight and you won’t lose one, now.”

“Because I know when something’s a trap!”

“Its fine,” Josh dismissed, “We’ll pay our bill, go up town, renegotiate our terms, and leave him to think about what he’s done.”

“He’s not a child, Josh.”

“No, but he does need to be taught a lesson,” was the counter argument, “And, its time he learned it.”

Eva kept her mouth shut all the way to Horacio’s building, through the lobby, and into the elevator. She remained silent as Josh knocked confidently on the door, as they entered the apartment, as they sat on the couch and accepted drinks.

Then, “I have to use the restroom.”

Horacio pointed to the hall, as if she didn’t know exactly where it was, “That way.”

Eva stood and thanked him with a nod. While she crossed the living room, a phone rang. She heard Horacio excuse himself, felt him follow her down the hall. He passed her on his way to the office, fingers brushing her forearm on the way.

She took her time, not caring what was being discussed in her absence. It didn’t matter and Josh would probably tell her about it, anyways. When she finally opened the door to head back out into the hall, she was pushed back into the bathroom by a firm hand.

“Horacio,” she whispered.

He kissed her briefly, “I need to warn you. I’m about to...up the stakes a bit.”

“What?”

“I need to scare him,” he explained, “Just stay out of the way and everything should be fine.”

Eva’s mouth hung open and she was filled with a feeling of frustration. He was supposed to be on her side and he sounded just like Josh. Stay quiet. Stay out of the way. Don’t cause a scene, Birdie. It was all the same.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she bit out.

Horacio huffed a breath, “I need to focus on this, Eva. I can’t be worried about you while I’m working.”

Brows coming together, Eva glared at him, “Oh, don’t worry, you’re not going to have to worry at all about me.”

She didn’t understand why she was reacting the way she was reacting. All she knew was that she was angry at being pushed aside—told to sit still and shut up—and Eva wasn’t going to have it.

He held up a hand, “I know this has been difficult—,”

“Oh, don’t patronize me, Horacio,” she threw at him.

“I’m not—no, listen—I’m going to have to hurt someone. Bad. I just need you to stay out of the line of fire. Just stand back and let me—.”

Eva snapped, “Stop telling me what to do! You’re not—,”

She cut off a sentence that she knew was going to piss him off. The words were swallowed back, a habit borne out of a lifetime of self-protection.

Immediately, she knew Horacio wasn’t going to let it go, “Finish your thought.”

Eva shook her head.

He stepped into her space and his voice pitched down into the order of an alpha, “Finish it.”

Holding his gaze, Eva said, “You’re not my alpha.”

Of course he was. But, something inside Eva made her want to force him to fight for it. She wanted him to prove that he could be exactly what she needed.

Horacio had her crowded against the wall in a flash of movement, “I’m not?”

Eva didn’t reply, but she also didn’t look away. He would have to rise to her challenge if he wanted her to acknowledge him.

His hands roamed over her body, arranging her as he liked, “If I’m not your alpha, then why do you carry my scent? Hmm?” He tugged up the hem of her dress, “Dime, Amorcita…”

Her breaths quickened with every lingering touch, with every kiss that he denied her. She let him step between her legs, let him guide her thigh up and around his waist. He ground against her, gave her the friction and pressure he knew she liked.

Eva tugged at his suit jacket, wiggling her fingers underneath it so that she could grasp heated skin. She ran the length of her thumb up and behind his ear. It caught on the inflamed gland and the sound he made was almost worth stirring his ire.

Horacio bit down on his lip, letting the flesh slide through his teeth. His hooded eyes focused on Eva’s mouth. She craned her neck to kiss him, disappointed when he pulled away.

“You say I’m not your alpha, but can you feel the way your body responds to me? Do you feel how wet you are, already?”

She could feel it. God, but she could feel it.

He leaned his weight into her, “You can deny it, but I bet I could make you come just like this. Time me, if you want. Won’t take more than two minutes.”

Eva struggled to breathe. Her hips rolled against his, working her arousal higher. Wildly, she thought that he might be right.

“Say it again,” he ordered, “Tell me that I’m not yours and you’re not mine.”

She couldn’t. Eva couldn’t form the words, didn’t want to.

“That’s what I thought.”

He pushed away from her and stormed out into the hall, leaving Eva leaning heavily against the wall.

“Motherfucker,” she sighed.

With shaking hands, Eva smoothed her hair and righted her dress. What the fuck had just happened? She couldn’t go back out to the living room like this, all nerves and need. It would set Josh off more than he already was and she knew it would lead to a fight with Horacio that he wasn’t prepared to take on.

Reaching down, Eva ran her fingers over the gusset of her panties. She could smell the sodden fabric, knew the reaction she would get if she sat next to Josh still wearing it. She had to get rid of them. But, how?

“Motherfucker,” Eva repeated as a plan formed in her mind.

Carefully, she opened the door and peered into the vacant hallway. She stepped out of her heels and scurried in the wrong direction, dipping into Horacio’s room silently. Standing in a place where his scent was so concentrated was difficult, but she forced herself to focus on her task.

Gathering up her skirt, Eva pushed her thumbs beneath the waistband of her underwear and let them fall to the floor. She picked them up and, just for good measure, ran them over her folds to wipe them clean. Then, she shoved them under the pillow she knew he preferred.

As she straightened, a flash of color caught her attention. Eva peered at it, smiling when she recognized the scarf she had been wearing the day they met hanging over the headboard. She reached for it, fingering the edge fondly. It never occurred to her to think about what happened to it after she sprinted away from Horacio. And, it sent an odd jolt to her heart that he wanted to keep it.

Eva brought the scarf to her neck and rubbed it against both glands to refresh her scent. Then, she set it back into place and turned to head back out into the hall.

She returned to the living room just in time to hear Horacio laugh. It wasn’t a nice laugh. Josh was smiling a not-nice smile. Alexei was frowning. All around, it felt like a really bad situation.

Eva picked up her drink and sat next to her husband. She drank the very, very good bourbon and pretended not to care that the men in the room were talking.

“You know,” Horacio who was now very much Diego said, “I have a surprise for you.”

Josh’s brows lifted, “Oh?”

“Yes. A guest. One moment.”

Eva watched him stride to the TV room and come back with a man duct taped to a wheelchair. She didn’t recognize him, but she did recognize the look in his eyes. It was the same look Dr. Martin had before Alexei went to work on him.

“I’m not usually a vindictive man,” Horacio said as he spun his victim around so that his audience could get a good look at him. “But, I don’t tolerate disloyalty. Especially not in the men I choose to employ.”

Silence hung like a heavy curtain in the room. Eva decided that she would, in fact, follow Horacio’s request. She stood and made her way over to the island where several bottles of liquor had been set out. After pouring a bit more in her glass, she shimmied onto a bar stool and casually crossed her legs. Whatever was going to happen, Eva wasn’t going to participate.

“I want you to know,” Horacio went on, “that I don’t blame you for trying to get inside information out of my people—I’ve done it, myself, many times. But, I do blame Ivan.” He stopped and looked down at the man, “You were going by Xavier while you worked for me. Which name would you prefer?”

The man, visibly shaking, looked up at Horacio with fear in his eyes. Eva tried not to feel bad for him, but couldn’t help the little twinge in her chest.

“No?” Horacio asked, all innocence, “Alright, we’ll call you Ivan. That’s your real name, anyways.”

He drew back and punched Ivan hard in the face. Eva flinched at the sound of his fist meeting Ivan’s cheekbone with such forced that it whipped the other man’s head to the side. Blood poured from a nose that might be broken and Ivan let out a yell of pain.

Horacio looked at Josh, “Since we’re going to be business partners for a while, I’d like to clear the air between us.” He pointed at Ivan, “Is he yours?”

Eva turned her attention to her husband. From her vantage point, he looked relaxed as he sipped his drink. Beside him, Alexei’s frown had turned into a glare.

“I’ll admit that he gave information to me,” Josh replied in an easy tone.

Horacio nodded, “Thank you for your honesty.”

He hit the man again. Twice. Each blow seemed harder than the last. Ivan’s face was already swelling and one of his teeth fell from his mouth. Eva wanted to tell him to stop. Horacio had made his point and Ivan was barely conscious. She drank deeply from her cup to push the words back down into her throat.

“Now,” Horacio sighed, “we should decide what to do with him. As he is your man, I give you the choice.”

Josh leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, “I take it you won’t be allowing him out of this apartment alive.”

Horacio grinned.

Nodding, Josh looked at Alexei, “I think you should decide. He’s your cousin, after all.”

Oh, you have to be kidding me, Eva thought.

Alexei was quiet for a long while. His spine was straight and his hands were curled into fists. He stared at Ivan, lips pressed together into a thin line. Eventually, he rose and approached.

“I will do it,” he said.

Horacio’s brows lifted, “He’s yours.”

They moved in tandem. The closer Alexei got to Ivan, the further away Horacio was. Eva could see the flash of a pistol tucked into the waistband of his slacks. It hadn’t been there when he met her in the bathroom—she would have felt it. Which meant that he was prepared to be attacked for beating the shit out of Alexei’s cousin.

Did he want the fight?

It was a bold fucking move to not only kidnap and tie up a family member of a known murderer, but to also force them to decide how they died. Was he hoping to circumvent the warrant by drawing Alexei into a fight?

Eva guessed that it didn’t matter. Alexei wasn’t taking the bait. He knelt in front of Ivan and spoke to him in Russian. The words were soft, reassuring. Ivan looked at Alexei with the eye that wasn’t swollen shut and nodded.

After a beat, Alexei stood and rounded the wheelchair. He got a good grip on Ivan’s head and took a breath. Eva closed her eyes against the sound of Ivan’s neck snapping. It turned her stomach, made the liquor in her belly rise up to burn at the back of her throat.

Hands clapped together in applause. Eva opened her eyes to see Horacio congratulating Alexei, “The infamous Zero finally makes an appearance.”

Alexei glared at Horacio and then at Josh, “I’ll be in the car.”

When he was gone, Josh threw back the last of his bourbon and stood, “I have to ask...when did you figure it out?”

Horacio shrugged, “Not many Americans have Russian gang tattoos.” He walked over to Ivan and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, “Especially the manacles. There’s only one other person in this city that has spent time in a Russian prison.”

Alexei’s name echoed in the aftermath of Horacio’s explanation. Josh smooth a hand over his hair and nodded. He set his glass down on the coffee table and headed for the door.

Eva debated refusing to leave—mostly because she didn’t want listen to the two of them bicker all the way back to the house. She wasn’t given much of a choice, though. Josh grabbed her arm and jerked her off the bar stool. Eva had just enough time to grab at the nearest bottle and use it to salute Horacio as she stumbled through the door.

When she slumped into the back of the car, she was pleasantly surprised that Alexei didn’t launch into a stinging confrontation. He sat silently in the passenger’s seat while Josh turned out of the neighborhood and merge onto the highway. Eva stared at the back of his icy blond head, occasionally sipping from the bottle.

Josh pulled to a stop in the driveway and cut the engine. He sighed loudly, head turning to look at his friend.

Alexei looked back at him, “He was my favorite cousin.”

“I’m sorry, Alexei,” Josh replied, “He knew the risk when he took the job.”

Eyes narrow, Alexei spit out a question, “Is this why you wouldn’t tell me about your man on the inside?”

A nod, “I knew you would be upset. But, we weren’t getting any information from our usual sources and Jimenez already knew your face. Ivan was the second best option.”

Eva’s eyes flicked back and forth between them. She kept drinking while she listened to conversation, enthralled by the absolute lack of fire within it. Neither of them were yelling, no one was getting punched. They were just...talking.

“This deal with Jimenez is done,” Alexei ordered.

Another nod from Josh, “As soon as I get the info on his supplier, you can torture him to death. I’ll even buy you some new tools. How does that sound?”

Alexei inhaled as he thought about it, “I want a chain saw so that I can cut him in half.”

Josh smiled, “Done.”

Eva swigged more bourbon.

#Shadow and Veil #Narcos #Horacio carrillo #carrillo #maurice compte #au #A/B/O dynamics

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fourseasonsfigs · 1 year

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I Have Caught You (Kiss of the Century)

The fig maker's original listing for this fig set was so wonderful I saved it (poorly machine translated, as usual):

I Have Caught You - mystery figures, wearing red and blue concert robes. The 5.3 concert was the beginning of all fate. I played the rps of the two of them, met a group of excellent and lovely friends, and did some interesting things. Occasionally, when I feel that I can't persevere, thanks to their encouragement, I can persevere all the way. It was not easy for them to catch each other.

The fig maker didn't make it easy to catch this set either - it was a small run limited to 500, and required proof of purchase of at least 164 yuan (each) of endorsements to prove support for each actor, and Gong Jun's endorsement purchase had to be after 5/4. While I had come late to the party and unfortunately never bought any of Zhehan's endorsements, I had made a donation in his honor for his birthday, which counted. For Gong Jun it was much easier since I had already bought some of his 361 products (which I really like btw, all very nice).

This is such a beautiful set - I love it so much. Of course because it's from the SHL concert, which is always an instant shot to the heart, but also it's just a delightfully done pair.

But first, a few pictures to go back down memory lane, on that first day of the concert on 5/3/2021...

HELP I'm feeling emotional! What a great night. Or you know, early morning Pacific Standard Time, it was 2000% worth getting up at 4am for.

I was going to keep going with the concert pics but I have to stop myself because Tumblr's 30 photo post limit has no remorse, and I need to save some bandwidth for these figs!

These arrived safely, thank goodness, tucked away in their polystyrene cases. I found (to my horror) that this, my most recent sea shipment, had a ton of resin figs I had forgotten to get bubble wrapped before I shipped. AND I shipped these with a literal ton (ok not that literal, but close!) of acrylic fig stands, which sure don't weigh much individually but add up when you buy 300 at a time. And when the warehouse puts the pounds and pounds of them right on top of all these figs in the box. The look on my face when I opened the box and came face to face with the sins of my youth. And I would have only have myself to blame, which is always the worst. But miracle of miracles, all these figs escaped unscathed.

Now I know I've said in the past that I can't stand to see figs cry, and I can't! But I will make an exception for this set, because tears of joy at the end of that concert was entirely acceptable and very welcome.

Their little hands! So cute.

Yes my husband just looked over at my screen where I had the enormous photo of two figs kissing up on my photo editor, and he just shook his head. I just started laughing and laughing! Yeah, I don't know how I became this person either (at my age!), but I have NO regrets! NONE.

[Side note - actually, I know exactly how I became this person. And it's this concert, together with the joint Happy Camp episode, that started launched my hyperspeed journey down the Couple Fan Junzhe road. Before this concert, I would have told you definitively, like I would have bet cold hard cash that there was no way I would ever be so crazy or this delusional. Like I've been around, you have to be pretty tough and cynical to survive in today's business world, and I'm not in the habit of believing in much of anything these days. And yet fast forward and here I am (at my age!), watching Gong Jun post vacation photos from Yunnan and swearing up and down these two are in love and married. I am the tinnest of tin hats and I have NO regrets! NONE!]

I think the hair is beautifully done - look at Lao Wen's beautiful guan (which should be gold instead of silver, but not quibbling here!).

The costumes are just beautiful here. I know fig makers despair over Wen Kexing's gorgeous red costume because it's so incredibly ornate that it's hard to replicate, but this looks wonderful.

I like the motion on the robes too, the sweep of it out behind them.

You can just barely see Zhehan's boots here, which is pretty accurate since his outfit is shorter, and given that WKX's red robes are really, really long.

Coming back around - I love the fig maker's choice to have Zhehan's eyes open and Gong Jun's closed, it's a beautiful call out to the Century Hug in the following day's concert.

Here's an extreme close ups of the beautiful costumes.

And from the top...

...and the bottom! These figs are decently stable on their white booted feet, and their interlocking hands actually holds them together really nicely.

One last close up of the Kiss of the Century!

Material: Resin, and a whole lotta love

Fig Count: 262

Scene Count: 19

Rating: Pure romance

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

#junzhe #cpf #lld #1640 #51129 #word of honor concert #word of honor cast #woh cast #shl concert #shl cast #zhang zhehan #gong jun #i love them #I may be cynical #but I'm still a sucker for something honest and beautiful and pure

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yzzizdump · 1 year

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I posted 23 times in 2022

16 posts created (70%)

7 posts reblogged (30%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/yzzizdump

@/fismoll7secinv

@/rhysdarbytits

@/m-e-w-666

@/king-kal

I tagged 23 of my posts in 2022

#yzzwriting - 14 posts

#poetry - 12 posts

#yzzphotos - 3 posts

#grief - 3 posts

#text to image - 2 posts

#photography - 2 posts

#ok i should stop ranting - 1 post

#this post is making me even more apprehensive to dig into it but i still think i should - 1 post

#haven’t really went back to it for a while goddammit - 1 post

#3 weeks or so ago i wanted to finally learn sth about english poetry and read a few pages of some handbook - 1 post

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#well to be fair i changed a few words in one line so it sounded better bc i was clearly not doing it consciously and it broke in that place

My Top Posts in 2022:

Clouds

**Click for better quality

9 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

Late night thoughts from not long ago

Even after it seems to have healed

-----

Grief is a wound that keeps opening

Even after it scars

Suddenly, it bleeds

It's like living with a hole in the heart

Its existence may be forgotten from time to time

But when you turn your eye towards it

Mercilessly, it pulls you in

You may manage to ground yourself and quickly look away

But if you do take a peek

You see a glimpse of another time

A whiff of feelings from the past

But even if you follow the thread

There is nothing on its end

Cut off brutally and taken away

So you can only backtrack

Crawl out of the hole

And look away towards what's still there

But with a clouded vision for a moment

From the wound that keeps on opening

12 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

poets are so annoying, oh you think you can just barge into my place and grab a childhood memory I barely know of, sprinkle images for me to whiff like a starving addict, as I bite my tongue unable to sing along to the music I understand but don’t know lyrics for? get out

13 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

Underwater city

Text to image generation (x)

16 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I was leaving the doctor and an elderly lady entered the lift after me. I clicked the level 0 button, which flustered her; her hand twitched towards the buttons and hovered over level 1, and she asked, "mine is one, right?". Doubt instantly flowed into my eyebrows, because I think (but am not sure) that the rest of the building is filled with office spaces, but in my confusion I only managed to squeeze out "I... don't know?". She hesitated for a moment, then looked at me directly, "I want to go down?", so this time I answered with reassurance that it should be level 0 then. Her body relaxed visibly and her hand dropped, as she turned towards the door, apologizing and embarrassed, “I get easily confused and muddled”. I said “it’s okay”, but I don’t know if she heard me or not; her eyes fixed on the door and her face became solemn, as she kept quietly talking how it’s the age speaking and what it does to the mind. Her parting words were spoken in the tone which I can’t really pinpoint; on one hand firm and impassive, on the other with a tinge of powerless anger and sadness typical for the late stage of grieving something lost:

“Old age is cruel.”

And that was our farewell.

I don’t fear years adding to my age; I treat life as experiences and growth, which can only keep increasing as we live longer. I do fear, however, the moment when my mind starts slipping too drastically and the body gives up beyond repair, my world falling apart while I am still alive and grasping at straws...

17 notes - Posted January 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #lmfaoo this blog is so half dead (just like me)#but i'll get there eventually #i have so much art to post #but no time to sit down and gather it then post #well will do it eventually #OMG I ONLY JUST NOW NOTICED THAT IT TAGS PEOPLE IM SORRY

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florawjhhhhhh · 1 year

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The Wife's Perspective

When I received the call from my husband’s mother, I was driving to my job interview. I hoped I can get this job. I got married right after I graduated from the university. After I got married, I still did not work outside. My husband kept on telling me that my job was being his beautiful wife. I did not need to worry about earning money or doing housework anymore because he would do everything for me. He not only worked very hard to earn money to give me a higher quality of life, but also found an experienced nanny for me so I did not need to do housework in person. To keep me from being bored at home, he always tried his best to find time to travel with me and visit my parents together. In addition, he told me that I could use his credit card to purchase everything I want. I believed that I was one of the happiest wives in the world because of my husband. However, although my husband discouraged me to work outside, I still insisted on doing so because the pressure on my husband was too much. I wished I could help him share a little.

Source:https://www.tumblr.com/glitchybitchy1996/186477195372/my-life-as-of-late (Glitchybitchy1996, 2019)

However, I received a call from my husband’s mother that my husband was in a severe car accident. His head was hit in the crash, which made him may lose some memories.

Source:https://tokerx55.tumblr.com/post/646303897926909952/classic (T.2021)

Initially, I couldn't believe it was true, but after I emailed the HR assistant to explain what had happened and drove to the hospital as fast as I could, I had to accept the truth.

My dear husband lay pale on the hospital bed, and a young lady is sat on his bedside. To my surprise, this young lady was not someone else. Instead, she was my younger sister.

Source:https://www.sciencephoto.com/media/1182961/view/ill-man-lying-on-a-bed-in-the-hospital (Gorodenkoff Productions/Science Photo Library,2023)

“Who are you? I don't think I've ever seen you before.” My dear husband raised his head to look at me. Unlike before, there was no doting in his eyes. He looks at me as a stranger.

Although I knew he lost memories, I couldn’t help to feel despair.

“I am your wife! Have you forgotten about me?” I rushed to his bed and grabbed his collar tightly.

But he just swatted my hand away rudely. “Tina is my only wife. I don’t know who you are.” I was shocked when I heard this. Tina was my younger sister, who was sitting next to him.

“I only trust my wife. I don’t want someone else to disturb our peaceful life” He said to me by putting his arm around Tina’s waist.

At that moment, I was turning from his dear wife to a thief who tried to break up their intimate relationship. Leaving his room looks like the only choice for me. I walked to the door slowly. I was not sure if I saw the smug smile at the corner of Tina’s mouth when I closed the door.

I found that I had nowhere to go in this city. I had no income and a home of my own. I relied on my husband in the past years. Maybe I should not fall in love with men. I should have my own ability to fly outside rather than falling down at home. “Maybe now is the time to learn flying. ” I told to myself and started to make a phone call to the HR assistant.

Source:https://open.spotify.com/track/1uXbwHHfgsXcUKfSZw5ZJ0 (Beyonce,2011)

Reference:

Beyonce. (2011, January 25). Run the World (Girls). Spotify. Retrieved April 9, 2023, from https://open.spotify.com/track/1uXbwHHfgsXcUKfSZw5ZJ0

Glitchybitchy1996. (2019, July 22). my Life As of Late. Tumblr. Retrieved April 9, 2023, from https://www.tumblr.com/glitchybitchy1996/186477195372/my-life-as-of-late

T. (2021, March 21). TOKERX MUSIC. Tumblr. Retrieved April 9, 2023, from https://tokerx55.tumblr.com/post/646303897926909952/classic

#creative writing #short stories #family #Spotify

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buckyownsmylife · 3 years

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I've Told You Now - Lee Bodecker smut

The one where Lee seduced his sister's babysitter.

Warnings: smut, dubcon, age gap, innocence kink, dirty talk, loss of virginity, blood

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: This one is a part of my kinktober celebrations. My original intention for this October was to work exclusively around prompts that my wonderful friend @darkficsyouneveraskedfor created for her challenge and dedicate each story to a different friend. My new plan became then 31 days of different kinks, which expanded on a poly relationship with Stucky, as you might know by now. However, some of the stories I started were already truly loved by me, and so I kept on writing them. It worked well because as it turns out, I am fortunate enough to have more than 31 friends on Tumblr, so here is the story I wrote for @slothspaghettiwrites! You were the biggest reason I fell for Lee and it was only appropriate I wrote you this! I only hope it doesn't disappoint! Special thanks to @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog who helped me believe this was good enough to be posted! @sweeterthanthis also has a big hand at this!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I was finishing packing up the toys in the living room when I heard the door slam, startling me into dropping the box of legos on the ground. Looking at the clock, I considered the time before looking back at the hall again. When no one appears from the hallway, I get confused. If the Hendersons hadn’t come home earlier than they intended, who else could it be?

“Waiting for me, bunny?” I immediately straightened out at the sight of Sheriff Bodecker, trying to resist the urge not to flush and keep eye contact, but ultimately failing to do so. I hadn’t seen him since the night he offered to give me a ride home and I ended up with his cock in my throat, his cum in my mouth.

“I-I didn’t even know you were coming.” Silence followed my confession as he slowly approached, eyes never leaving my body while I tried to keep myself up. He’d always had this effect on me. I remembered being a young girl and Sheriff Bodecker being the crush I knew was too old to be mine, the guy I’d never have even in a million years, but that didn’t stop me from daydreaming about him.

If I thought that maybe having him would help this infatuation disappear, it’d become clear by now that it wouldn’t be the case at all.

“And here I was, thinking you wanted me just as much as I wanted you.” The Sheriff tsked, and the sound went straight to my already dampened underwear. I couldn’t process his words very well, given how close he was and how loud my own heartbeat was ringing in my ears. Did he mean to say that he actually really wanted me?

“If that was really the case,” he taunted, circling me like I was some sort of prey. “You’d always be expecting me, wouldn’t you? But it’s alright, honey. You know why?” When I shook my head, he answered his own question, a single finger running down my jaw to guide me to look him in the eye. “Because I think you were expecting me. You’re always expecting me, looking for me wherever you go, just like I do. And there’s an easy way to prove my theory.”

Before I could question it, his arms embraced me from behind, hands slowly running down my stomach until they reached the edge of my skirt. I started sweating in anticipation. I knew what he would find.

“Let me check.” His fingers went over the fabric first, and he chuckled when he noticed how wet it was. “Would you look at that?” I was already trembling when he pulled my panties to the side and ran that same digit over my lower lips, just lightly grazing them. “Soaked already.”

Although I couldn’t see it, the humming sound he emitted after taking his fingers from under my dress didn’t leave me any doubt about what he did with the moisture he collected. Just the thought of him enjoying my taste that much had me weak in the knees, and I tried to keep myself up by reaching for a chair nearby.

Lee’s P.O.V.

I chuckled to myself at how sensitive she was, barely able to keep up with the little I’d done so far. Then again, it was clear I had a particularly strong effect on her. That had been obvious for a while, ever since she started working for my sister, probably - around the same age her womanly features began to stand out.

She seemed unable to look me directly in the eyes, always averting her gaze and biting her lower lip when I decided to stop around here for a coffee or check in on the little rugrat. I began doing this a lot more often after she was hired, but neither her nor my sister seemed to connect the dots.

Her innocence, her beauty just left me so fucking hard. I was hard right then, and I wanted her to know it. So I pressed my body against her back, lightly grinding my member against the curve of her ass.

“I suppose you’re finished for the day,” I speculated, knowing once the kid was out all she had to do was wait for my sister and her husband to arrive. “Guess I can help you unwind…”

She gasped when she felt my hardness, making me chuckle. “Your sister and her husband should be back soon…” She tried to reason, but I wasn’t having any of it.

“We’ll be quiet anyway. Can’t risk waking up the kid.” I gripped her wrist and pulled her on the direction of the guest bedroom, now fully unable to control myself. I was so close to having what I had wanted for so long.

She looked unsure of herself as I closed the door behind us, and I raised an eyebrow in a questioning look. “What’s wrong?” She shifted her weight from one foot to another, fingers playing with the hem of her skirt.

“I-I don’t know about this…” Chuckling, I approached her to cradle her face between my hands and deposit a kiss on those sweet lips.

“Don’t you trust me, pretty girl?” I had caught her now, we both knew it. She’d never risk disappointing or offending me, so when her mouth opened to explain herself and I raised an eyebrow in warning, it was only a matter of seconds until she closed it altogether and nodded, her eyes dropping to her feet.

“Yes, I do.” My smirk was full of victory, and I could taste it in my lips now. It was as sweet as the nectar between her legs I’d only had a taste of.

“There you go.” Approaching her once more, I settled my hands on her hips before leaning to kiss her shoulder. “Besides…” I continued, already bunching up her dress to get rid of it as quickly as possible. “You obviously need me to take care of you and this little wet hole.”

She bucked when my fingers rubbed her this time, dress already forgotten on the floor as I slowly shoved down the fabric of her underwear to join it. Once she was completely naked, I ran my digits over her cunt, verifying that her wetness was already so overwhelming that it was threatening to drip from her.

“So sweet.” I hummed once I wrapped my lips around those digits, tasting her on my tongue again. Yes, I was already obsessed. I think anyone who had the chance to try her nectar would understand my situation - but no one ever would.

She was mine now, and I would never let her go.

“C’mon, bunny.” Patting her ass, I directed her to the bed, chuckling at how embarrassed she seemed, being this exposed to my hungry gaze. “Be a good girl and spread your legs. Be my little angel, won’t you?”

I wished I could have done this somewhere more private - my own house, instead of my sister’s. But I just couldn’t wait anymore. My cock twitched inside my pants. I felt like I was drunk on this, drunk on her.

“C’mon, honey!” I repeated, lightly slapping the outside of her thigh. “I wanna fuck you. And I know you want to be mine, pretty girl. You can’t hide it from me.”

When she finally relented and slowly parted her beautiful legs for me, I nearly melted at the sight. Driven by my desire, I unbuckled my belt and worked to whip my cock out as quickly as possible, smirking at the wide, innocent eyes that settled on my member as I fisted it in preparation.

“Doesn’t it look good?” I teased, climbing on the bed to take my spot between her legs, rubbing the head of my dick against her slit. “I’m gonna have you taste it next time. But for now…”

Resting my forehead against hers, I slowly started to penetrate her tight pussy, slipping only the head at first, even though I was aching to fuck her throughly.

“This is gonna hurt a little,” I warned, not able to stop mid-way to let her adjust but keeping my invasion of her maidenhood slow until I had bottomed out inside of her. “Sh…” I tried to calm her, gently wiping away the few tears running down her soft cheeks. “I know it hurts, bunny. But you can take it, can’t you?”

She managed to nod despite her whimpers, and I brushed her tears away as I warned her, “I’m gonna make you feel so good, honey.”

It took a little while, but at last, she opened her eyes and I waited until she was able to focus them on me again. “You look so pretty, bunny…” I whispered, kissing her while I finally started to move inside of her, stopping only to moan out loud at her overwhelming tightness.

“I’m gonna train you until all you can think about is my cock,” I warned her, slowly pulling out until only the head of my cock was keeping her open.

“I can’t wait any longer.” Slamming my dick all the way in, I felt her nails running down my back, leaving trails of blood behind - trails I wouldn’t mind wearing under my shirt, sting as they might.

“I promise you, honey…” I panted, sweat already dripping from my forehead onto her pretty face. “You’re gonna miss me when I’m not inside of you.”

I kissed her cheek, rubbing my nose against it as she held me tightly against her. “I know you don’t want any of those boys you used to go to school with touching what I’ve already taken.”

She nodded quickly, my pretty little honey. Yes, she was mine already and she knew it. “It’s alright, pretty girl…” I soothed her as she started to whine, her cunt clenching deliciously around me. “It’s alright, cum with me…”

She closed her eyes when she met bliss, but I kept mine wide open so I wouldn’t miss her perfect expression of pleasure. It was almost enough to keep me hard, but I wasn’t as young as I once was.

I never pulled out of her tight heaven, keeping her body snuggled against me. I was happy that I decided to be patient, if it meant I now got to have her like this.

“I hope you know that you’re mine now, bunny.”

#my fics #lee bodecker #lee bodecker smut #lee bodecker reader #smut #lee bodecker reader insert #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker reader inserts

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night-market-if · 2 years

Text

Paper Lanterns - Part Nine

Paper Lanterns is a community based IF game here on Tumblr. I need something to fuel the creative fires while I chip away at The Night Market demo, and I want to give you all a little something in the meantime. Here’s how it will work.

I will post a snipped under the cut every few days. At the end of the post will be three options. Comment below or send me an ask if you would rather be anonymous, over which route you would like to see. I will tally them up and write the majority option and post it in the following days. From there, we repeat the process until we, as a community, have crafted our story.

Please reblog and share this with others. The more people we have participating, the more fun I think this can be for us.

Winning choice: No surprise. Option 3. Continue what you started.

You thought about leaving him in this state. Would have served him right. Even stronger, was the desire to ask him to come with you. To forget the Night Market and the illusions it had to offer.

To run.

But that wasn’t an option for people like you. You could never return home. Didn’t matter how hard you tried, it never worked. So you took comfort and joy when it came, and you tried your absolute best not to hate yourself for it.

Smashing your lips against his own, you bite at his lower lip, your tongue darting out, pushing past clenched teeth to find that perfect heat as you grab roughly at his hair. You kiss him hungrily, feeling him respond in turn. Hands beneath your shirt, he pulls upwards, calloused palms running up your spine until he can tug your tunic off in one tearing pull. The air was cool despite the shafts of sun filtering in. You could see the iridescent wings of small moths and dragonflies, flitting around in the golden light.

Hands gripped you tight while you desperately ground yourself against him. You could feel his body shaking, the gasping whimper that emerged from his lips falling around the two of you in a shattered embrace. Heat rose deep within your belly, consuming you, sending you tumbling head first into a bliss that you had long since tried to forget. And all the while, Malcolm held you, clung you just as tight, whispering in your ear secrets that you had never forgotten.

~~~~

You two lay together, you resting on top of his sweaty chest, his legs limp on either side of your hips. Both of you are silent for a moment, unable or simply not wanting to break the soft embrace you found yourselves in. As the sweat dries on your skin, you know you should get up. But it had been too long. This feeling of being held by him was one you had convinced yourself you no longer missed. Now that it was back, it was settling across you as an aching reminder.

When his fingers curl in your hair, you close your eyes. “I can safely say this is not what I expected when I got up this morning.” He was trying to make light, testing you. Neither of you knew where you stood now.

Swallowing thickly, you reluctantly push yourself from him, gathering your clothes. Keeping your eyes adverted, you search for your discarded shirt, spying it near the stained-glass lamp near the bed. The bed you two never made it to.

“You going to pretend this never happened?” He was propped up on his elbows, unashamed of his nakedness. One brow is lifted upwards in question. His leg cocked and spread.

“I haven’t decided yet,” you mutter.

He snorts in a sort of mirthless laughter, rolling his eyes. Sliding off the desk, he grabs his trousers. “Nice, button. Real nice.”

“Stop calling me that.” Though, there is no conviction in your voice.

“You gonna go get the gem?”

“Yeah.” You clear your throat. You had forgotten about it. So consumed by Malcolm fucking Albright, you had forgotten you were on a damn job.

“Alright,” he said, shoving his shoes on. “I’ll take you there.”

“I know the bridge you’re talking about. I can make it on my own.”

As he walked up to you, he leaned forward. He smelled of sex and something woodsy. “I lied,” he whispered.

Somehow, I wasn’t even surprised.

The two of you leave the sunlit home and head back out onto the paper lantern lit streets of the Night Market. It’s quieter at this time of the twenty-four-hour period. You suppose most still fall asleep at their version of nighttime, despite the sun not existing here. You are both quiet as he leads you down weaving alley’s, under small carved out arches within stone buildings, crumbling and forgotten. You arrive at a small river, trickling over flat stones, the sound of crickets nearly deafening.

Malcolm hops over one flat pieces of river rock, kicking at the sediment just at the water's edge.

You see something glint beneath the water's surface as he reaches down, pulling the ruby from the dirt.

“Please tell me that was tied down, and you didn’t just hope it would still be here.”

He shrugged, tossing it to you. You catch it with one hand, feeling it solid and heavy against your palm. You were already late for your meeting with the Baron. You knew that was a slight against you, but maybe if you showed up with the gem, it wouldn’t be so bad.

“You gonna keep coming after the doors?” Malcolm asked.

“It’s my job.”

“And if I asked you not to?”

Voting Closed! Part 10 here

(lie) “I would stop.”

“Please don’t ask that of me.”

“Oh come on. You and I pitted against each other? Could be fun.”

If you want the full NSFW version, or would like me to tailor the MC to your head cannon within that version, please consider commissioning me on ko-fi.

#paper lanterns #interactive fiction #if fiction #community fiction #community fun #how are we up to nine parts already

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

Text

Sparkles - Harry Styles

happy new year folks! this is my NYE gift for all of you, hope 2021 will treat you well and see you soon with hopefully a lot of content! thank you for being here with me this year, 2020 was an emotional ride for me, but tumblr remained my happy place. thank you for all the support you showed me and my art this year, cheers to a new one! enjoy this little soon-to-be-dad!harry piece as celebration

word count: 2.5k

masterlist

Harry finishes up the last touch on the virgin mojitos, adorning his work he did with the sugar-coated edge of the glass, feeling quite proud how he nailed it. He softly hums along the music that’s flowing from the record-player as he cleans up after himself, leaving the kitchen spotless, just when he hears his name called out.

“Harry? Can you help me?” Y/N’s voice comes from their shared bedroom and he is quick to drop everything to come to her rescue.

“Coming!”

He shuffles into the room, finding his very pregnant wife sitting on the edge of their bed, her favorite pair of heels at her feet that go well with the loose dress she is wearing. She has ditched wearing anything tight a while ago, feeling way more comfortable in baggy clothes since her bump started showing. He never tried to convince her to wear her usual clothes, he has read enough to know how much she goes through with her body image during pregnancy, so he just always wanted to make sure she feels comfortable over fashionable. Also, she looks breathtakingly beautiful to him regardless of what she is wearing. Or what she is not wearing…

Her eyes lift up to him as he appears in the room, she is leant back on one arm behind her while her other hand is cupping her bump.

“Can you please help me put them on?” she pouts and Harry is on his knees in front of her without a second thought. It’s not the first time she struggles to put her shoes on, but Harry doesn’t mind helping her do such mundane things, if anything, it just makes him feel involved, like he is able to take just a tiny part of the hard side of pregnancy away even if it’s just as small as putting on her shoes or shaving her legs in the parts where she can’t reach anymore.

“You sure you’ll be fine in heels all night, baby?” he asks, carefully sliding her slightly swollen feet into the heels, but they luckily still fit.

“Already packed a change, don’t worry,” she grins, her hand running up and down her stomach as Harry finishes up the task. Smirking up at her he leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to her bump, cupping the sides in his palms. Though he can’t wait to finally meet their little baby girl in just three short weeks, he gotta admit he’ll miss the bump.

Over the course of this pregnancy, he has grown to love this state of the woman he is in love with. See her go through the changes, experience new things and grow a new life in her own body, it’s been a privilege to be by her side through the journey and Harry can’t wait to see her do it again whenever the time is going to be right.

Standing up he helps her to her feet, she smoothes out the soft fabric of the dress that reaches just above her knees.

“You look amazing, baby,” he smiles, kissing her lips softly.

“Thank you. What time is it, should we leave?”

“Let’s drink our cocktails and then we can leave,” Harry nods. They move out to the kitchen and she squeals in happiness seeing the mojitos she requested from him earlier.

“These look so nice!” she gasps doing a little happy dance as she takes the one Harry hands her. “Is yours alcohol free too?”

“Of course.”

“You know you can drink, right? I don’t mind it.”

“I know. But I don’t want to,” he smiles down at her, clinking his glass against hers. “Cheers, baby.”

She smiles up at him stealing a quick kiss before they both taste the drink.

“Mm, this is amazing, H,” she nods to herself, gulping from the cocktail again and again.

“Yeah? You like it?”

“Yes. Can’t wait to have one with actual alcohol in it,” she smirks making him chuckle. He presses a soft kiss to the top of her head before chugging down his own drink.

Not so much later they get in the car and head over to one of their friends’ New Year’s Eve party they’ve been invited to. Harry was hesitant to accept the invitation at first, knowing well she would be close to full term at this point, but she seemed too excited to go out, something she hasn’t done too much lately. Pregnancy has made her way too tired most of the time to even leave the house, her natural habitat became their king sized bed, wearing mostly Harry’s jumpers with just her knickers.

Upon arriving to the party that’s held in a penthouse, Harry keeps a hand on her lower back at all times, making sure she is okay, whether it’s about needing something to drink, to eat or if she decides to change her shoes. That happens quite fast, barely over an hour into the evening Y/N makes her way to one of the plush couches and Harry gladly helps her get rid of the torturous heels and put on her ballerina shoes.

It’s past eleven when he first lets her out of his sight, only so she could go to the bathroom, though he asks if she needs help with that as well.

“I think I’ll manage,” she smiles at him, hand sliding to the back of his neck to pull him down for a quick kiss.

His eyes cautiously follow her disappear down one of the hallways, nursing the same soda he opened an hour ago. He returns his attention to the conversation they were in before her leaving and barely notices that she is taking way too long in the bathroom. When he realizes that she hasn’t returned, he excuses himself from the little group to go and find his wife. Dodging anyone who tries to pull him into another conversation, he makes his way down the hallway he last saw Y/N waddle away. It’s not his first time here, so he knows exactly where to find the bathroom, however, his eyes fall on something that diverts from his destination.

Walking past one of the many bedrooms, he notices an all too familiar pair of slightly swollen feet propped up on the edge of a bed through the door that’s ajar and a smile falls on his lips right away as he pushes it further open. Lying comfortably on top of the king sized bed, there is Y/N resting on her side, the only position she can sleep these days, hugging one of the giant pillows to herself, snoozing adorably.

Harry knew she would get tired way too early, though she was convinced it wouldn’t be a problem, staying up past midnight, yet here she is, sleeping the night away while the party is still buzzing outside. Her shoes are abandoned at the leg of the bed, purse tossed to the nightstand and Harry swears she probably came in to just lie down for a bit because her back was starting to hurt, but eventually fell asleep.

Walking inside he closes the door behind him, the bedside lamp illuminating the room enough for him to navigate to the other side of the bed as he kicks his shoes off. He couldn’t care less about all the people outside, it doesn’t matter that they probably should be out there mingling, right now he just wants to hold his pregnant wife and have a nap with her, regardless of the fact that they might miss midnight.

As soon as he lies down behind her, his arm circles around her, hand coming to rest just above her popped out belly button and though he tried to be as careful as possible, she still wakes up, blinking at him over her shoulder a little groggily.

“Harry? I fell asleep,” she whispers, partially to herself, rather than to him.

“I know baby. It’s alright.”

“M’sorry, I just came in here to have a breather, but I just felt so tired,” she adds, yawning into her words at the end.

“Don’t worry. Wanna stay a little longer or do you wanna go out?”

“How much time do we have until midnight?” she asks, furrowing her eyebrows before her eyes go wide. “Wait, did I sleep through midnight?”

“No, you didn’t,” he chuckles softly, kissing her shoulder. “Want me to set an alarm for us?”

“Please,” she nods, dropping her head back to the pillow. He fishes his phone out of his back pocket, setting an alarm ten minutes before midnight so they have a little over twenty minutes to rest before they have to emerge from their temporary bedroom.

Dropping the phone behind him to the mattress, he places back his palm to her bump, gently caressing it as she leans back against his body, enjoying the warm embrace of him. They both doze off soon, the party outside is long forgotten as they enjoy some alone time, but those twenty minutes go by faster than they wanted it to and they are shaken up from their shallow sleep by the sound of his phone’s alert.

“Ah fuck,” he slurs, blindly tapping around the mattress behind him until his hand finally finds the phone and he turns it off.

“Why am I so tired?” she breathes out rolling to her back, staring up at the ceiling with sleepy eyes. Harry’s eyes wander down on her body and he can’t help the smile forming on his lips seeing her bump towering high. He is still struggling to wrap his head around the fact that there’s a tiny baby girl in there, his baby girl.

“Because you are growing our baby. That needs a lot of energy,” he mumbles kissing her tummy softly, running his hand up and down on it.

“Do you think she’ll look more like you or me?” she asks excitedly, tangling her graceful fingers through his hair as he presses his cheek gently against the side of her bump.

“I hope she’ll take more after you,” he smiles at her.

“Really?”

“Of course. But like, with a hint of me,” he adds, making her chuckle.

“I want her to have your eyes. I love them,” she muses and reaching out she runs a finger delicately through his left eyebrow, bringing it down the side of his face until it reaches his lips. He turns his head slightly, pressing a kiss to the pad of her finger, tugging her smile wider with the softness of his actions.

They hear the buzzing increase outside, so they figure the countdown is close. Though the both know they should be heading out to be with the rest of the guests, neither of them moves.

“I’m a little afraid though,” she whispers as the smile falls from her lips.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’ll be weird that it won’t be just the two of us anymore.”

“Do you… regret…?” he implies hesitantly, a little afraid of her answer even though he knows it.

“Of course not,” she breathes out with a soft smile. “I wanted this. We both wanted, right?” Harry nods at her question. “I just… I’m a little afraid we will lose… us. You know what I mean?”

“I think I do,” he nods again, pushing himself up before he scoots closer, caging her between his arms on the bed as he holds himself up above her. “And I promise you I will never stop working on us. I’ll try my best to keep these sparkles alive for as long as we live.”

“So you still feel the sparkles?” she asks with a shy smile, hands sliding to the back of his neck as she starts playing with his curls.

“Of course I do,” he smirks.

“Even after spending five years with me, you still haven’t gotten bored of me?”

“I could never,” he chuckles shaking his head dramatically, making his curls brush against her forehead.

“Yeah?” she giggles. “Not even when I’m making you watch Big Hero 6 for the millionth time?”

“Not even then,” he assures her. He could never say no to her pouty look whenever she is trying to make him watch it again, because it’s her favorite Disney movie of all times. If anything, he cherishes the moments when she is all cuddled up to his side and quotes the lines perfectly, eyes shining so brightly. He would do anything to make her happy.

“Ten! Nine! Eight!” The countdown begins outside, yet they still don’t move. Staring at each other, they preserve this precious moment, one of the last ones where they are on their own. Her hands go to cup his cheeks, her thumb running along the soft skin under his eyes.

“I love you. So much,” he breathes out, closing his eyes for a short moment to enjoy her soft touch.

“Seven! Six! Five! Four!”

“I love you too,” she whispers, getting lost in his eyes once they lock on hers again.

“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”

“Happy New Year, my love. I can’t wait to see what this year brings for us.”

“Happy New Year, baby,” she smiles, pulling him down for a sweet and appreciative kiss, the first one of the year.

They drag the moment a little longer, enjoying the sparkles that are still clearly there, before they pull back, grinning at each other like crazy.

“We should head back, don’t we?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Can we leave soon though? I don’t think I can stay awake much longer.”

“Of course,” he chuckles pecking her lips one last time before he scoots to the edge of the bed to get off of it.

“Harry?” she calls out and when his eyes return to her frame, she is still lying in the same position.

“Love, we really shouldn’t stay any longer in here,” he huffs, eyes soft on her, but she shakes her head.

“It’s not that. I think… I think I need some help getting up,” she admits chuckling.

“Oh right,” he mumbles shuffling over to her side to grab her hands and gently pull her up until she sits on the edge of the bed. He kneels down without a second thought, putting on her shoes, making her smile. “There,” he breathes out, helping her to her feet. She circles her arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible with her bump.

“You are going to be such an amazing dad, Harry,” she breathes out kissing him delicately.

“I hope so,” he chuckles nervously, his hands squeezing her hips gently. “Come on, let’s schmooze a little longer so we can go home and sleep.”

“That’s the best thing you said tonight,” she sighs dramatically, making his eyes go wide.

“Oh really? That was the best?”

“Just kidding!” she chuckles pinching his cheek before adding in a mumble: “Kinda.”

“You’re lucky you are pregnant, I wouldn't let this slide otherwise,” he shakes his head, taking her hand as they head towards the door.

“Oh, but you love me too much to get mad at me, right?”

Smirking he opens the door and holds it open for her.

“I do love you a lot.”

Thank you for reading! Like/reblog if you liked it and leave a feedback!

#harry #styles #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles one shot #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x pregnant!reader #dad!harry #harry styles au

1K notes · View notes

robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Text

Polyphonic

Chapter 3 ao3 (alt: tumblr pt 1, pt 2)

Lan Qiren wanted to speak to Wei Wuxian about everything they needed to do, but it would have to wait: the moment they arrived, they were immediately swept up into the political mess that Jin Zixun’s ill-fated ambush had caused.

Jin Guangshan was there in the blink of an eye, despite normally taking his time in seeing anyone, and Lan Qiren didn’t like the way he started making excuses for his nephew’s behavior from the very start. It was to a certain degree understandable, as everyone would first incline towards defending their family, but the haste with which Jin Guangshan sought to sweep it all under the rug was disconcerting, and Lan Qiren thought it was almost suggestive of some level of premeditation. Even more distasteful, however, was how he sought to twist the entire event into being yet another reason Wei Wuxian ought to surrender the Stygian Tiger Seal to the Jin sect: for his own good, of course, in order to avoid being made into a target on account of the disdain of the cultivation world –

“Sect Leader Jin, your words are in poor taste,” Lan Qiren said sharply.

He could hear Jiang Cheng, who ought to be defending Wei Wuxian and was trying his stuttering best to do so, starting to waver; the boy had a pleasant rippling melody by nature, forced into a fierce allegro by his parents’ endless disputes and his later tragedies, and the weak foundation meant that he was too easily buffeted by uncertainty and doubt, as Jin Guangshan undoubtedly knew.

“Let us not speak in abstraction,” he continued. “It was your sect, your nephew, who launched this particular ambush. You ought to be making a formal apology to Wei Wuxian and thinking of reparations to repair the injury to your sect’s reputation, not acting like a thief complaining to the magistrate that his victim failed to hand over his property quickly enough to prevent violence!”

Jin Guangshan’s eyes narrowed in irritation, though he fought to keep the expression off his face as if it could disguise the swell of bitter rotten music that accompanied him wherever he went. “Teacher Lan,” he said, striving for composed and charming but mostly coming off as stiff and wooden. “Come now, I must be misunderstanding you. Surely you are not accusing me of being a thief.”

Historically, as Jin Guangshan well knew, this was when Lan Qiren backed down, mindful of his position as interim sect leader – his sect granted him much of the responsibility but not the full measure of power that typically accorded with the title, and he was conscious, always, that his role was to ensure there was something preserved for his nephews to inherit.

Perhaps Jin Guangshan had forgotten that Lan Qiren was no longer interim sect leader.

“I am describing the facts as I see them,” he said icily, straightening his back and levelling his best teacher’s glare, refined by years of troublesome students. “And they are this: by the agreement of the cultivation world and through his own powers, Wei Wuxian was inviolate and unbothered as long as he remained in the Burial Mounds. Despite this, he willingly chose to emerge in response to an invitation issued by your sect, only to be attacked by your sect – and when he comes to you for justice, rather than grant it to him, you suggest that he hand over his most prized possession to prevent any similar attacks in the future. Unfamiliarity may require me to consult my sect’s texts to be sure, Sect Leader Jin, but only to determine if I should be calling it extortion, blackmail, or outright thievery!”

“Teacher Lan!” one of the smaller sect leaders gasped, even as Jin Guangshan went utterly florid with rage. “You’re not suggesting that Jin-gongzi was involved in the ambush!”

Lan Qiren had been Jin Zixuan’s teacher and knew him well – he had been a shy, introverted boy whose awkwardness came off as aloofness, and would never have done anything like this. Even less so would Lan Qiren suspect such a thing of the man who had been steadied by war and responsibility into an adult with a firm moral foundation.

“No,” he said, and met Jin Guangshan’s eyes directly. “I believe Jin-gongzi’s invitation to have been wholly sincere.”

For a moment, Lan Qiren thought Jin Guangshan was actually going to strike him, his aura lashing out violently like a clash of cymbals, discordant and biting, and he braced himself, but in the last moment etiquette prevailed and Jin Guangshan refrained, although his fists were clenched so tightly that his veins stood out from the backs of his hands.

That was when Wei Wuxian opened his mouth.

Lan Qiren silenced him with the muting spell before he could get out a single syllable.

Jiang Cheng sent him a thankful glance and cleared his throat. “This is a serious matter,” he said. “It requires a full investigation; we won’t be able to solve it all talking now. Both Wei Wuxian and Teacher Lan have traveled a long way – I have no doubt that they need some time to rest and refresh themselves.”

A convenient way to stop anyone from starting a fight, and implicitly excusing Lan Qiren’s rudeness as a mere symptom of exhaustion, resolving the whole thing without losing any more face for anyone. The Jiang sect’s boy was picking up this whole politics business quite well, the poor child.

“I concur,” Jin Guangshan said, recovering a little of his poise. “There are rooms ready for you both.”

Lan Qiren inclined his head as well. “An excellent idea,” he said, and then, because he could now, added, “We can discuss reparations for the ambush later.”

“And what about the curse?” Jin Zixun hissed, clearly done with holding his tongue the way everyone had been so obviously instructing him with their eyes. “Am I to simply suffer while that criminal walks free and unharmed?”

“When I said there would be an investigation, I meant it!” Jiang Cheng snapped. “I doubt your curse is so advanced that it can’t wait another day, and if it is, then you should have brought it up earlier!”

“Why you –“

“Sect Leader Jiang has spoken,” Jin Zixuan interrupted, his voice hard. “Zixun, don’t forget that you must also answer to me as to what you did to my guest in my name without my permission. I think it might benefit you to ‘rest and refresh’ as well. One of the servants can take you to see a doctor.”

Jin Guangshan seemed on the verge of objecting, but Jin Zixuan seemed not to get the hint, already turning his face away.

“In the meantime,” he said, saluting politely, “Sect Leader Jiang, Wei-gongzi, would you come with me? A-Li is waiting to see you both.”

Lan Qiren allowed himself to be whisked off in a different direction to settle down, which in all honesty he did need to do. He hadn’t flown such a distance in years, had been in better health when he’d done so, and he had been tired even before all this excitement; some rest would do wonders for him, even if it did make him feel a bit like he’d become a doddering old man or an invalid. Before he could settle down, though, he heard a sound approaching – a little uneven, sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow – and despite the fact that Jin Guangyao had never been anything but polite to him, he felt his back tense up at the reminder of why he was here in the first place.

“Honored teacher,” Jin Guangyao said, smiling and saluting deeply – more than he should, really, given that Lan Qiren was neither a sect leader nor had ever been his teacher. “Welcome to Jinlin Tower. I regret that your arrival was marred by such unpleasantness, and hope that the remainder of your visit is calmer.”

It’s not Jin Guangyao’s fault that Lan Xichen likes him, Lan Qiren reminded himself. Your suspicions, and your family’s terrible luck at love, are your own burdens to bear. They should not be put onto others.

He nodded to Jin Guangyao.

“It would be good to see a peaceable resolution to today’s events,” he said neutrally. “I appreciate that you have come to check on me personally. It is truly going above and beyond the call of duty.”

“Your nephew is my sworn brother, Teacher Lan. How could I fail to honor you as my elder?” Jin Guangyao said smoothly. “Let me know if there’s anything we can do to make you more comfortable.”

“A bath before dinner would be nice. Has my nephew arrived yet?” Lan Qiren privately hoped that he hadn’t, and was relieved when Jin Guangyao shook his head, confirming it. “Let me know when he does.”

“Of course,” Jin Guangyao said, and saluted again. “I’ll inform the servants; a bath will be made ready for you by afternoon.”

The moment Jin Guangyao left the room, Lan Qiren traced the pattern along the hem of his robes that shook off the dust of the road, returning them to being as clean and pristine as always – not a long-term solution to laundry, but very effective in the short-run, and one that he’d only refrained from doing earlier in order to drive home the point regarding how he had also been victimized by Jin Zixun’s ambush.

It was a profound relief to be clean again.

Once he could no longer hear Jin Guangyao’s familiar chords, he relaxed, which unfortunately these days meant coughing. He rubbed his chest when he was done, sighing, and settled down with his guqin to start playing a little, hoping to ease his nerves. Lan Xichen would be on his way already, he knew, and would probably move even faster once he got word regarding Lan Qiren’s presence. He’d made rather a lot of trouble for his nephew…

The door slammed open, and only years of experience with troublesome children, along with the warning echo of a song free and clear, full of shining righteousness, allowed Lan Qiren to remain unmoved by the cacophonous crash.

“So I have questions,” Wei Wuxian said. “Many, many questions, and I’m going to want answers to…uh, are you all right?”

Lan Qiren ignored Wei Wuxian’s rush, finishing the stanza he was playing and letting his hands still over the guqin. “Sit, and I will answer your questions to the best of my ability.”

Wei Wuxian closed the door behind him and put up a talisman for privacy, like the ones they used to use during the war, before coming to sit across the table from Lan Qiren. He was frowning. “Honored Teacher Lan, your lips are red,” he said cautiously. “Were you coughing up blood just now?”

“An old injury from the war,” Lan Qiren said, unable to resist recalling the memory of Wen Xu’s wild smirk as he’d deliberately smashed his ribs into pieces, grinding his palm against Lan Qiren’s chest to force the broken pieces to pierce his lungs. Nie Mingjue had executed Wen Xu only a few months later, a matter that had greatly eased his nightmares…truly Lan Qiren had to get to the bottom of this mystery as soon as possible; once Lan Xichen’s name was cleared, he could focus on trying to devise a solution to cleanse Nie Mingjue of the spiritual poison. “It can be aggravated by excess choler. Do not concern yourself about it.”

Wei Wuxian looked like he was concerning himself about it. “But you nearly –” Lan Qiren glared until he dropped the volume of his voice significantly. “You nearly got into a fight with dozens of cultivators back at the Qiongqi Path on my behalf! Wouldn’t that have aggravated it even worse than just getting angry?”

“Much worse,” Lan Qiren agreed peaceably. “My talents in battle are not especially notable, although better with the guqin than the sword. Regardless, the effort expended would almost certainly result in a severe backlash later.”

Wei Wuxian gaped at him. “Then why did you do it?”

“Was there an alternative?”

Wei Wuxian’s mouth opened and closed a few more times.

“How are your shijie and shizi?” Lan Qiren asked when it appeared that Wei Wuxian was not going to force any words out of his mouth any time soon. He folded his hands together in an appropriate manner – he, at least, knew his etiquette, and would continue to model it in the hope that Wei Wuxian might one day catch a hint. “Well, I trust?”

“Uh, yeah, they’re great. Jin Ling is perfect, shijie is wonderful, the peacock doesn’t deserve either of them, though he’s gotten better, I guess,” Wei Wuxian said, then shook his head as if to clear it. “And I wouldn’t have been able to see either of them if not for you.”

Personally, Lan Qiren didn’t think one Jin Zixun and any number of his friends would actually be able to stop Wei Wuxian, preplanned ambush or no, so he just hummed noncommittally. “You said you had questions?”

“Yeah, and now I have even more,” Wei Wuxian grumbled, but he seemed to settle down a little. “Let’s start with the fact that you said you needed help on a musical issue, but that it is also somehow an attempted murder. What’s that about?”

Lan Qiren grimaced. “Serve tea,” he instructed Wei Wuxian, and waited until he was midway through the process – and thus not staring straight at Lan Qiren – to start talking. “I have reason to believe that Nie Mingjue has been poisoned with spiritual poison.”

Wei Wuxian nearly spilled the tea, but managed to stop himself in time. “Chifeng-zun? Impossible!” Then he frowned. “I’d heard his temper was getting far worse, of late. Just mentions of it in passing…you think it’s because of that?”

“It may be. The Nie sect is prone to encountering qi deviations; a spiritual poison, especially one that specifically targets choleric feelings such as irritation and rage, would be particularly insidious when aimed against them. Should he die, everyone might be inclined to assume that the cause was hereditary rather than external.”

“A perfect murder. What type of poison?” Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows went up. “Wait – you think – musical poison?”

“My sect is renowned for using musical cultivation as healing techniques,” Lan Qiren pointed out, not sure why it seemed to come as such a shock to Wei Wuxian. “Antidotes grow alongside poisons, and all that can heal can also hurt – anyway, isn’t what you do a type of musical cultivation as well?”

“Good point,” Wei Wuxian said ruefully. “All right, that makes sense. That definitely seems like a real problem…but why do you need my help?”

“My health is poor, and I do not know what such an investigation will require,” Lan Qiren said. “And I cannot ask anyone in my sect to assist me.”

“Why not?”

“Because the primary suspect,” Lan Qiren said heavily, “is Xichen.”

Wei Wuxian stared.

“I’m sorry,” he said after a few long moments of blank gawping. “Please forgive me, honored teacher, but I think I misheard you. Are you saying that you think Zewu-jun is poisoning Chifeng-zun?”

“I hope dearly that he is not, of course,” Lan Qiren said. “In fact, part of the reason for my desire to investigate privately is to assist in clearing him of suspicion –”

“No, no, hold on, don’t move on just yet,” Wei Wuxian said, holding up his hands. “You think Zewu-jun – Lan Xichen! – might be capable of poisoning his sworn brother and, as far as I know, best friend? Your nephew?”

“Yes.”

“You really think he’s capable of something like that?”

“I have done my best to raise him to be the sort of man who would not be,” Lan Qiren said, and thought suddenly of his own brother – their father had treasured him, cared for him, valued him above all else. Would he have ever imagined that he would do what he had done and end up living out his life in seclusion, only to die pointlessly at the hands of the Wen sect? “And yet, who’s to say?”

“Uh, me? All the cultivation world? It’s Zewu-jun! He’s one of the most upright people I’ve ever met! You might as well suspect Lan Zhan – you don’t, do you?”

“No,” Lan Qiren said. He appreciated the righteous crescendo in Wei Wuxian’s voice, particularly when Lan Wangji was mentioned – unfortunate as it might be to find that Lan Wangji’s seemingly hopeless affection might actually be requited, since it remained a terrible idea – but it was a little inconvenient at the moment. “But equally I cannot burden him with the duty to suspect his brother. It would only hurt him.”

Wei Wuxian quieted down at that. “I can see that,” he said, grimacing. “But…why would you suspect Zewu-jun?”

“The evidence is – suggestive.” Lan Qiren shook his head. “To be clear, while I will of course value the truth above all else, I am not looking for evidence of Lan Xichen’s guilt. I am hoping to exculpate him.”

Wei Wuxian leaned forward, now frowning in earnest. “All right,” he said. “I still don’t really believe it, but other people might, and that’s bad enough. Even unfounded rumors can make for real trouble. Tell me what you know about it.”

“My nephew has been helping Nie Mingjue to ease the symptoms of his familial tendency towards qi deviations by playing him one of the strongest and most secret Lan sect healing songs,” Lan Qiren explained. “The spiritual poison I have observed in Nie Mingjue’s body is precisely a variation on that healing song – only instead of the pure version, which is designed to calm and heal disrupted qi, it is intermixed with another song that deliberately encourages spiritual turmoil.”

“All right. I suppose playing for Chifeng-zun gives Zewu-jun opportunity, but that doesn’t mean he’s the only one who could’ve applied the poison song.”

“The Song of Turmoil is a rare import, hidden away in one of sect’s forbidden books. Only very few people have access to that part of our collection.”

Wei Wuxian arched his eyebrows. “And yet you can immediately recognize it?”

“I enjoy studying obscure musical texts as an aid in composition,” Lan Qiren said, mild censure in his voice. “Would you dare claim you do not do the same?”

“…fine, fine, good point.” Wei Wuxian waved his hand. “Okay, fine…still, I’m not convinced. Even if the only source of the song is the Lan sect’s library, there was a lot of chaos these past few years. Someone else could have picked it up, couldn’t they?”

“It’s possible,” Lan Qiren admitted. “Unfortunately, the tune had the same starts and stops that are characteristic of Xichen’s playing.”

As a musical cultivator, even Wei Wuxian had to concede that the unique quirks of playing style were difficult, although not impossible, to replicate, and moreover that one would have to wonder why anyone else would bother doing so, especially in a spiritual poison they presumably hoped would go entirely undetected. He rubbed his forehead, clearly thinking it over. “So, wait, are you saying you heard this musical poison getting played? Were you affected by it? Why didn’t you interrupt in order to stop it or to find out who was responsible?”

Lan Qiren shook his head. “I did not hear the playing, only the effects.”

Wei Wuxian frowned. “I don’t understand. If you didn’t hear it get played, how do you know that the playing had Zewu-jun’s idiosyncratic characteristics?”

“I’m very familiar with how Xichen plays. How would I not notice it? Even if I only heard it intermixed with Nie Mingjue’s own base tone, the sound is distinctive enough to recognize.”

Wei Wuxian was staring at him, looking blank again. A moment later his brow furrowed as if he’d just had a thought that seemed strange to him. He said, “Honored teacher, a question. When I said I wasn’t the one who cast the curse on Jin Zixun, you said that the person who cast it played the guqin, not the flute. I’d been wondering…how did you know that?”

“The curse has the sound of a breaking guqin string, which does not accord with Jin Zixun’s own music,” Lan Qiren explained. “The person who cast it was moderately powerful and very well-trained, although this represents an overreach on their part. I think it is likely that they incurred a backlash due to the casting –”

“You just heard it?” Wei Wuxian interrupted. It was rather rude, but Lan Qiren supposed he’d signed up for that. “You just looked at him and heard the curse that had been placed on him?”

Lan Qiren nodded.

“You can hear what people’s spiritual energy sounds like?” Wei Wuxian was growing pale.

“Not spiritual energy directly,” Lan Qiren said, a little puzzled by what seemed like an outsized reaction. Not only was Wei Wuxian’s face pale, his fists clenched, but his song, normally so free and clear, had become suppressed, tense, tightly strung. “More in the nature of the sound of a person’s spirit itself. Your Ghost General, for instance; he has a very gentle melody, very soft, but the underlying base is harsh, jagged, thick with resentment, less playing than dying – he needs to learn to marry those two parts of his spirit together, or else he’ll have trouble finding peace. That’s why I offered to take him as a student.”

“What about me?” Wei Wuxian asked. He was almost vibrating with the need to know. “What about my music? Has it – changed?”

“It’s gotten a little more sober, which is not uncommon with tragedy,” Lan Qiren said, and felt as though he were on the edge of some terrible revelation. “But no, fundamentally you remain the same person you always were.”

Wei Wuxian exhaled, hard. A trill of relief.

“Something happened that made you think it would change,” Lan Qiren deduced, reaching up to stroke his beard thoughtfully. He watched as Wei Wuxian’s eyes flickered one way, then another. “Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Wuxian looked at him.

“Are you unwilling to return to orthodox cultivation – or unable?”

There was a world of difference between the two: one was arrogance, relentless and unrestrained, looking down at the truths the cultivators of the world and their ancestors had worked so hard to unearth, the other merely a depressing practicality – who wouldn’t choose to cultivate something if the alternative was nothing at all?

And yet…how could it be?

And why would Wei Wuxian be so terrified of letting others discover it?

“That’s none of your business,” Wei Wuxian said, teeth set in a bitter smile that was more of a grimace than anything else. “I agreed to help you, Honored Teacher, but my business is my own.”

“But –”

“Another question,” Wei Wuxian said. “Different subject: I know you don’t lie, and earlier you said…what you said. So tell me, what Lan sect girl has her heart so set on me that you decided to come tell me in person that I wasn’t allowed marry her?”

Lan Qiren blinked. “I only meant to advise you that it was a poor match for you both; it was not meant as an insult to you,” he objected, a little offended. “If you and Wangji insist, I will not stand in your way.”

He shook his head and sighed a little, regretful; he would not pursue the matter Wei Wuxian was hiding any further. He wanted to help, curiosity itching at him, but Wei Wuxian was right – it was none of his business.

“As long as your reliance on demonic cultivation does not impede your assistance in my investigation, I will not bring it up again,” he concluded. “How do you propose we begin?”

“…Lan Zhan?”

Lan Qiren frowned. “I already explained to you why I do not wish to involve Wangji, and that I do not suspect him. Why would we start with him?”

“Not for the investigation,” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, his face bright red. “About the – marriage!”

#mdzs #lan qiren #wei wuxian #jin guangshan #jin zixuan #jin guangyao #my fic #my fics #polyphonic

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downwiththeficness · 7 months

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Shadow and Veil-Chapter Twenty Four

Word Count: ~2,000

Start from the beginning Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Masterlist Read on AO3

Eva leaned against Alexei’s car in the driveway of her childhood home. The sunlight was less kind to the house than moon light. She scanned the shutters that were falling off the side and the screen door that was hanging crookedly from the hinges. Given the level of neglect to the structure, they were lucky that the electrical and water still worked.

She remembered sitting on the porch with her mother, cracking beans for dinner. She remembered hot days that smelled like the fresh laundry that hung on a line out back. She remembered praying every night before she went to sleep. Soft, blurry images that were wrapped in all the love Eva’s parents could give her.

A sense of shame came to her as she realized the house’s poor condition was partially her fault. It would take months for the contractors to bring the house to a livable condition. Eva would never see it restored.

Alexei burst through the front door, “What good are contractors if they can’t keep an appointment?”

She glanced at her watch, “Its only five after.”

“They are late.”

“The house is hard to find,” Eva countered, “They’ll be here soon.”

Alexei hadn’t broached the subject of what he wanted to talk to her about and Eva wasn’t going to ask. She felt awash with information and she didn’t think that her brain could take any more. Whatever the Russian had to say obviously couldn’t be said in front of Josh.

Another secret Eva would have to carry.

Less than ten minutes later, a pick up came barreling up the drive. She straightened and folded her hands in front of her while she waited for the men to climb out of it. A warm handshake. A polite ‘ma’am’. A gentle correction that Alexei was not her husband.

Eva played the part, giving the men a tour of the home and pointing out things that Josh wanted repaired or updated. She smiled when they quoted above and beyond the going rate for repairs, deferred to her husband for the invoices. Ignored the nervous glances towards Alexei.

It was only when she turned the corner to her old room that Eva faltered. Her bed was still sitting there along with the cedar chest gifted to her by a grandmother she barely remembered. The gray-blue paint she picked out for her eleventh birthday was faded and every flat surface was covered in a thin layer of dust.

She felt her chest twist as she thought about the last night she spent in that room. Nervous and giddy, staring at her wedding dress hanging from the door of her closet. The mass of lace and taffeta was stored away in the hall closet, purposefully forgotten among the winter coats.

To his credit, Alexei noticed her discomfort and deftly led the contractors to another part of the house. Eva was left alone in a room she hadn’t set foot inside for almost seven years.

Sniffing back her feelings, Eva knelt down beside the chest and lifted the lid. It smelled the same. Exactly the same. Her jaw clenched against the rush of memories that came with that smell.

Inside, the chest was nearly bare. All that remained was a small swath of cotton. Eva reached for it, pulling away layers of fabric to reveal a brightly colored knit blanket—her baby blanket. The edges were a little frayed from the years she spent dragging it along behind her, but it was still mostly intact.

Eva held it to her chest, an errant tear falling down her cheek. She wiped it away and stood, folding the blanket a few times so that she could carry it beneath her arm. The contractors were good enough not to point it out when she returned to the group. Eva went on with the tour for another half hour, holding the blanket the whole way.

When Eva was sure that they understood the breadth of work that was expected of them, she wrote out the billing address and gave better directions to the main road. Then, she stood on the porch and watched them go.

Alexei waited until the dust settled before he said, “We’re going to take a detour.” He saw the panic on her face, “Relax, Birdie. I just want to talk with you where ears are less likely to listen.”

The place where ears were less likely to listen turned out to be the gun range. Eva followed Alexei’s lead while he talked amiably with the manager and selected a pair of cumbersome ear protection. Then, she followed him to the firing lane.

She was no stranger to guns. Living in the country meant that her father would go hunting when deer season came around. He taught her how to hold a rifle, how to squeeze the trigger, how to brace herself against the kick. She took down her first buck the year before she left the house. They didn’t have money to get it mounted, but the family rationed the deer meat for an entire winter and half the spring.

Alexei fired off a few rounds with a pistol inlaid with mother of pearl. Eva recognized it as a birthday gift from Josh. She stood behind him and to the side, watching the paper target at the far end of the lane. Good grouping. Two to the head, four to the chest. One to the belly. He paused, then fired twice more to empty the clip.

“You want to try?”

Eva shrugged, “Okay.”

Alexei reloaded and handed the gun to her. Eva took her position and fired. Shoulder. She adjusted her grip, fired twice more to the chest. Her aim towards the head was a little off, clipping the target. Another adjustment and she got three dead center. Just for fun, she emptied the rest of the clip near and around the groin.

When she set the weapon down, Alexei was laughing, “You learn that on the farm?”

She nodded.

“Good. You might need it soon.”

Eva turned to him, “Why?”

“I won’t offend you by pretending you don’t know that the feds are closing in. Myra told Josh that you found her trying to get access to the financials.”

There was no use denying it, “I did.”

Alexei crossed his arms, “Its bad. My contacts tell me that the investigation has been going on for over a year and that they are ready to indict.”

A surge of anxiety rolled over her. The knowledge that he had people on the inside set off about a thousand different questions, none of them good.

“You think we’re all going to jail?”

She tried to say it evenly, but Eva could hear how fragile her voice was. The weight of an uncertain future was a heavy burden.

“No,” Alexei replied with certainty, “There’s not enough to pin anything on Josh.”

Eva frowned, “That’s not what I meant and I think you know it.”

His mouth thinned, “You’re very smart, Birdie. You know where this will go.”

Alexei was looking at her meaningfully, and Eva began to think about the purpose of their little field trip.

She looked away, gaze falling on the target at the far end of the lane, “Why would I need to know how to shoot a gun soon?”

“Not a gun,” he murmured, “it doesn’t have to be a gun.”

Eva cut a glance at him, “You’re beatin’ around the bush, Alexei. Just say what you need to say.”

He inhaled, exhaled, then, “Myra plans to pin the embezzlement on you. Josh isn’t going to stop her.”

She knew that already. Eva was well aware of Myra’s regard for her. She was also well aware of Josh’s disregard.

“It’ll fall apart as soon as I’m taken into custody. I don’t plan to be a scapegoat for something that was Josh’s plan all along.”

Alexei’s voice was sympathetic, “They know that.”

They know that.

There was something about the way he said it. Layers and layers of meaning that took Eva a while to dig through. They needed someone to pin everything on, but they also needed someone who wouldn’t talk, who couldn’t be turned against them.

“You think they’ll kill me,” she concluded. “You think they’ll pin it on my and then take me out of the picture.”

He nodded.

Eva sighed, “Fine. I’ll handle it when the time comes.”

Alexei’s eyes narrowed, “I don’t think you understand the severity of what is going on.”

“No,” she countered, “I understand it. Thank you for the warning.”

They didn’t talk any more about it while Alexei reloaded and went about emptying the clip. The not talking about it continued while Eva took her turn, while they returned the ear protection to the manager, while they walked back to the car, and during the entire drive back to the house.

In the driveway, Alexei put a hand on her arm, “Remember what we talked about.”

“I will.”

Eva would absolutely keep Josh’s coming betrayal in mind, but she couldn’t bring herself to be angry about it. She was also betraying him—multiple times over.

Instead of worrying about it, Eva channeled her energy into prepping for what might come the next day, the next week, the next month. She packed up the money and all of her essential items into the duffel and put it in the hall closet beneath several pillows and an old comforter.

While she was looking through every drawer and cabinet in her room, she found the intro to Spanish book. With the afternoon free from meetings, Eva went ahead and took it back to the library.

The librarian, Margaret, recognized her, “Mrs. Moore, I have just the thing for you.”

Eva smiled, saying, “I’m sorry, I’m not looking to check out anything new today. Just returning this.”

“Alright,” Margaret replied as she took the book from Eva, “You know, we have a lovely new calendar coming out for the new year. Why don’t you take one?”

The calendar was a glossy print with puppies across the front. Eva almost demurred, but her inner Southern etiquette wouldn’t quite let her refuse when Margaret was looking at her so genially.

“Thank you.”

“Of course. When you’re ready to pick up volume two of this, you give me a call and I’ll set it aside for you.”

“I will,” Eva said, “Thank you.”

It wasn’t until she got out to the car that Eva noticed the post-it note placed on the top of the calendar. It definitely hadn’t been there before. She peeled it off, wondering how Margaret had pressed it into place without Eva noticing.

You were right. Minor delay. Spend the night with me. Friday. I’ll take care of him.

She read it a few times, memorizing the handwriting and wondering if it was Horacio’s or Margaret’s. Then, out of caution, Eva drove to a fast food restaurant, ordered a milkshake, drank a bit of it, stuffed the note inside the melting ice cream, and threw the cup into the dumpster.

When she got to the house, it was quiet. The lights were out and Josh’s car wasn’t there. She went up to her room and found a small package on her bed. On the top, written in permanent marker, was an oval slashed from the top left down to the bottom right. Wary hands opened the box to find a small hand gun with a full clip inside. The pistol would fit in any small purse. Eva lifted the gun out of the box to find a small holster that could be strapped around her waist.

For many months, Eva had been aware that trouble was coming. The gift from Alexei could only mean that, finally, trouble was here. .

#Shadow and Veil #Narcos #Horacio Carrillo #carrillo #maurice compte #au #A/B/O dynamics

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charincharge · 3 years

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I Don't Want To Wait, forty-six

rowaelin high school bffs au masterlist

AN: We're baaaaack. In case you missed it, chapters will no longer have tag lists (tumblr desktop has decided on limiting the amount of tags to 50 per post, and that just doesn't work for me!). If you want updates, the easiest way is to put this account on notification or subscribe to my A03 page. Alright, without further ado, let's get back to the story!

. . .

Dear Rowan,

Surprise! As I write this, you are in the other room with my dad and Lorcan, trying to do some hundred pushup challenge. And, I had to excuse myself to write this letter to sneak into your bag before you leave tomorrow morning, first because I don’t want to waste a second of time, and second… you might have looked a little too good doing pushups. You’re getting really strong. Do you think you could do a push up with me on your back? I bet after this summer is over you’ll be able to. Sigh. I can’t believe you’re going to be gone the whole summer. I miss you so much already, and you’re not even gone yet. I want to hear every detail of your summer, okay? No detail is too small. And I’ll tell you all about how lifeguarding goes, too. Speaking of, I’ve included a picture of me in my uniform, since you won’t be here to see it in person. I was going to text it to you, but I decided I should print it out so you can keep it next to your bed. That way, any girl who walks into your room will know you are NOT available. I love you, Ro. Write me back ASAP! (I know you can probably call and email, too, but you promised letters!). Sending you a thousand kisses.

xx, Aelin

. . .

Dear Aelin,

Have I told you lately that you’re the best girlfriend? Because you are. Thank you for the letter and the picture. Leaving you in Orynth felt like leaving part of my heart behind, and I love that you thought to send you with me. Plus, that picture? There aren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe how stunning you are. I can’t believe I’m missing a whole summer of you in that uniform???? Feel free to mail more pictures. It’s a good thing you didn’t text because there is absolutely no cell service here. Apparently, we’re right in the middle of some mountain range, and it makes phone use really spotty. So, I guess it’s good we got this letter sending thing started already. I plan on writing as often as I can, although I’m not sure how much that will be. Our first program event is tonight. We’re going to have evaluations of our playing to see how we’ll be split up into smaller groups for the summer. The schedule is pretty intense. Breakfast at six, lunch at one, and dinner at seven. With practice from 7-1, 2-7, and then gym training from 8-10. I’m tired just thinking about it.

Also, you silly girl, you definitely don’t need to worry about anyone wondering if I’m available. The first thing I did was tell my roommate about you. And there are no girls here. Just an entire floor full of lacrosse-playing dudes. Since the campus is so remote, we’re pretty much the only people here. They’re doing crazy construction here over the summer, so we’re literally some of the only people here. Just us and the construction crew. Haven’t seen another human on campus, and certainly not a female one, haha. But you shouldn’t be worried about that anyway, you know you’re the only person I’ve ever had eyes for. Did you see what I left for you? Your dad promised he’d give the bag of hoodies to you as soon as I left. I hope they bring you a tiny bit of comfort while I’m away. They are ON LOAN, and I’d like them back, though. Okay? Love you a thousand loves. Can’t wait to hear from you. (I want all the mundane details too).

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: June 7

. . .

Rowan! Finallllly. Here I was thinking you’d forgotten all about me. Please ignore my last three voicemails when you get them. I was getting stressed that I hadn’t heard from you, even though Aunt Maeve said you were probably just busy and she’d gotten an email from the program director letting the parents all know about the lack of phone use on campus. I can’t believe you don’t have phone service. Do they not have wifi either? What kind of hack college in this training program at? Sorry to be snippy. I just miss you.

I looooove my hoodies, but they’re already losing their scent. Elide has been making fun of me for wearing them every day (because it’s definitely too hot to be wearing a hoodie), but I need them to survive. (It’s extremely cute that you think you’re ever getting them back – sorry, but they’re mine now!).

It’s only been a week, and I feel like I’m going through withdrawals. Every time something happens, I turn to tell you, only to realize you’re not here and getting sad all over again. I did make a list of the most important things to include in my letter though. First, Lorcan officially started his firefighter training! It’s weird going back to the beach and not having him there, but lifeguarding has been pretty fun. The whistle is the absolute best. How did you not tell me how much fun it is to have a whistle??? Second, Rhoe has started letting me practice driving more, and I’m getting SO GOOD! I’m planning on taking the test at the end of the month. Cross your fingers and toes for me, okay? Ugh, and I had more written in my journal to tell you, but I put my iced coffee on the page and can’t read the rest. UGH! This is what I get for having an extra coffee today. I’m sure I’ll remember by our next letter. I await to hear from you with bated breath. Seriously, tell me everything. You’ll have two weeks to tell me about by the time you get this. How’s the dorm, besides having no phone service? The food? Your roommate? Do you have just one or more than one? What small group did you end up getting into? Is the schedule as intense as you thought it’d be? Paint me a picture so I feel like I’m there, please. I miss you so much. I miss your kisses so much. Where are my thousand kisses, huh? I thought you’d send some back. Sending you a thousand more.

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: June 14

. . .

Dear Aelin,

I’m so sorry for not sending you back kisses. I’m hoarding them and storing up all my kisses to give to you in person. I don’t want to become completely depleted of kisses. What would happen to me then? I’d probably shrivel up and die. Your kisses are the only thing powering me through this week. When they said Lacrosse Intensive, they weren’t messing around. There’s never a moment of the day where I’m not playing, learning strategy or working out. The thought of kissing you is the only thing that keeps me going. Which… all the guys in my group have figured out, and they really enjoy giving me a hard time. It’s my own fault for hanging up that picture of you next to my bed and talking about you nonstop. I should have known better. You look too hot in your lifeguard uniform. It should be illegal. And all the guys know it, too.

Actually, I’d like to send you a blanket apology for ever having to deal with teenage boys. Myself included. We are all disgusting. So, so disgusting. I thought I had a pretty dirty imagination when it came to you, but the stuff these guys say is so much worse than I could possibly have ever come up with. The things that come out of their mouths should never ever be repeated. It turns out living with dudes 24/7 is gross. We’re always hungry or horny, and we smell so bad (the constant training isn’t helping that and the water pressure in our showers is barely a trickle). Please pass my apologies onto Aunt Maeve, too, please.

Okay, I’m sorry to keep this kind of short, but I’ve got to run back to practice. I love you so much.

xoxo, Rowan

PS – Good luck on your drivers test!

Postmarked: June 21

. . .

My dearest Rowan,

You are officially hearing from a licensed driver!!!! Yup, I did it. I passed. On the first try. Everyone is extremely proud of me. (Especially my dad). To celebrate, a bunch of us are going to the drive-in tonight. I get to drive! It’s the Princess Bride. I’m going to spend the entire time quoting it and annoying the crap out of Manon and Elide I’m sure, but I can’t help it. Did I tell you that Manon has started coming to the beach in the skimpiest bikinis I’ve ever seen? She and Elide aren’t back together yet, but if Elide’s staring is any indication, it’s only a matter of time. But for now they’re “friends” who stare at each others’ boobs a lot, haha.

So, you have a dirty imagination when it comes to me, hmmm? I hope you’re taking notes from your camp friends because I wouldn’t mind putting any of that into action. … you are making friends, right? You haven’t mentioned anyone. Should I be worried? know you’re training most of the time, but they’re not all bad, are they?

Speaking of new friends, I’ve been hanging out a lot with Chaol and Dorian? They’re in charge of the snack shack this year, and befriending them has gotten me many a free ice cream sandwich. They’re actually coming to the movie tonight, too. I’ve only really spent time with them in my science classes before now (well, besides that awful Homecoming date with Chaol) – I didn’t realize how funny they are. I know you think Chaol is kind of a stick in the mud, but Dorian is so wild, they balance each other out. And they’ve been friends for just as long as we have, and it’s nice to have someone who understands that. We’ve been having a lot of fun. They’re also the only ones who aren’t sick of me talking about you, too, so I really appreciate that.

Because I talk about you….alllll the time. Every little thing that happens I find some way to relate it back to you. Like, the other day Dorian brought a chocolate pudding cup, and I started laughing hysterically remembering how when we were in middle school you bet me ten bucks I couldn’t eat the whole cup in one bite. I did it successfully, but then you made a funny face, and I snorted and chocolate pudding came out my nose. It hurt so bad, but it was worth it. I can’t believe you still like me after you’ve seen chocolate pudding come out of my nose. Have I mentioned lately that I love you and miss you terribly? Sending you a thousand more kisses (don’t want you to become depleted of kisses!).

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: June 28

. . .

Ace, we’re officially at the halfway mark.

In five weeks, I’ll be back home in Orynth. And honestly, I can’t wait. I didn’t realize how hot the south was. Yesterday was over 115 degrees, and we still trained all day. I fell asleep as soon as I finished in the gym last night. I didn’t even shower (I know, I’m disgusted with myself, too, but I did warn you that this camp was making me more disgusting right?). I did wake up early this morning to get one in before breakfast, but I don’t know why I bothered. It’s already up to 100 degrees and the sun is barely out yet. So… mundane details? The food is pretty solid. Nothing like Maeve’s, of course, but acceptable. Or maybe I’m just so hungry that it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I think I’m going through a growth spurt or something – I’ve never been this hungry in my life. Last night I had three plates of meatloaf. I don’t even like meatloaf!

I laughed extremely hard at your letter. Yes, of course I remember the pudding cup incident. And believe it or not, it made me love you even more. Because you didn’t care about laughing and looking ridiculous in front of me. You’re adorable, even with pudding coming out of your nose. Mm… now I want pudding. See?! Hungry. All the time. I think I have some almonds in my desk. Sorry, that’s not important. Moving on to much more important things.

CONGRATS ON YOUR LICENSE!!!! Can’t wait to have you drive me around for a change ;)

Yes, I am making friends. I actually really like my roommate. His name is Vaughn, and he’s from up north, too. He’s in a pretty serious relationship, too, so we get each other. He’s the only one who hasn’t made a lewd comment about your bathing suit pic. He’s got another friend here from his lacrosse team, Malakai, and we’re all in the same small group, so we hang out a fair amount.

Oh! I forgot to tell you – you’ll never guess who came as a junior coach for the second half of the summer? You really will never guess, so I’ll just tell you. Nox fucking Owens. YEAH! That one. The one responsible for the disaster of last summer. I told him that we were together now, and he didn’t seem surprised in the slightest. He said he always knew you were my girl. Pretty sure I gasped when he said that. Gods, sometimes I think about last year and feel so dumb all over again. Let’s never be that dumb ever again, okay? Pinky promise and seal with a kiss?

Anyway, He played for Rifthold last year, but I guess Antica is trying to recruit him, so he’s testing out their program by helping coach us. I forgot what a good player is. I spent so much of last year irrationally hating him, but he’s actually pretty cool. Shut up, I know you’re laughing at me. I can hear it from here.

So, Manon and Elide are back on? I have to say I’m slightly surprised Lorcan didn’t make a move on Elide when they were broken up. How is he, by the way? He’s been missing from your updates. Is everything okay with you guys? You’re not fighting, are you?

I love you and am sending you back a handful of kisses (can’t give them all away). Halfway, halfway, halfway. We got this. Okay, sending more kisses. I think we both need them.

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: July 5

. . .

Ace, I know I just talked to you today (and I also sent you a letter last week so I’m doubling up), but I had to write to you again. Hearing your voice was absolutely magical. I don’t even care that I missed out on our day at the amusement park (though, I owe Vaughn and Malakai a hundred pushups since I stupidly bet them I wouldn’t be distracted by my phone – I didn’t think there’d actually be service, since we weren’t going that far away from campus!). But, baby, it was completely worth it just to hear you talk. I could have listened to your voice forever.

I still can’t believe you’re driving. Am I even going to recognize you when I come back, seeing you behind the wheel? What car have you been driving? I didn’t even ask. Rhoe’s? Wait, have you been driving my jeep? …I know I said you could, but I kind of meant when I was there so I could see it. The idea of you driving my car is, uh… pretty sexy. And I’d like to be there to see it. Damn it, now I’m imagining it. Yeah. Sexy.

I’m glad you and Lorcan aren’t fighting – although it does kindaaa sound like you’re maybe jealous of him a little bit? (Don’t shoot the messenger!). I think it’s sweet. I know you’re still mad that he grabbed the phone from you, but it was nice to hear him too. It sounds like fire academy is kicking his ass as much as lacrosse is kicking mine. Don’t be too hard on him. He loves you, too, you know. He just shows it in weird ways sometimes… like annoying the crap out of you. It’s nice to know that things aren’t changing THAT much with me gone.

Okay, well, nothing much has happened since I talked to you earlier that I need to update you on. You’re pretty much caught up. I had McDonalds for dinner and feel a little nauseous (it’s been way too long since I had fast food, I forgot how greasy it is, how do you eat that shit?). I hope I’ll be able to sleep tonight, but I honestly feel so wired after talking to you, I’ll probably be up all night thinking about you.

I love you so much, Aelin. I’m so glad you’re having a good summer and not just moping around (I knew you wouldn’t – if anyone around here is going to be moping, it’s definitely me, but I don’t have time to mope unfortunately). Okay, I love you. Did I already say that? Sorry. I can’t help it. I want to say it over and over and over. I love you I love you I love you. Sending you a thousand kisses (I’m all loaded up on your voice so I have extra kisses to send).

Alright, uh… I have a situation I have to go deal with now that I keep thinking about kissing you. Okay, maybe I’m thinking about more than kissing you. Have I told you how much I miss you today? (Kidding, I know I told you about a thousand times).

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: July 12

. . .

ROWAN!!!!

I’m still riding high from hearing your voice today. I honestly can’t believe it – it feels like a dream. When I saw your name flash on my phone I thought for sure I was hallucinating. I can’t tell you how relieved I am that I’m not insane, and that I got to hear all about your summer so far. I’m so glad they finally gave you all a real day off, and I hope you finally went on a few of the rides with the boys instead of letting me talk your ear off. And I know you told me not to apologize, but I feel terrible! You were supposed to have a day off, full of fun!

I love that you are making friends. Vaughn and Malakai sounded extremely nice – you didn’t need to snap at them for giving you a hard time for calling me as soon as you had a bar of phone service. They wanted to hang out with you! I don’t blame them – I wish I could hang out with you, too. Only a month now until you come home.

Lorcan wants me to tell you AGAIN that he’s incredibly offended I haven’t been including him in my letters to you (it’s not my fault that he’s insufferable since he got into the fire academy – all he does is go on runs with my dad and hang out in my kitchen eating us out of house and home! Not the most interesting of updates). Seriously, if someone had told me last year that Lorcan’s new bff would be MY DAD, I would have called them a liar. But they’re almost as inseparable as we are – it’s so annoying. I didn’t ask for an older brother! I’m supposed to be the only child! The favorite! You need to come back and set things right again, okay?

I miss you so much – I didn’t know I could miss someone as much as I miss you. But tonight I’m going to sleep with your voice echoing through my mind, so I know I’ll sleep well. Love you love you love you love you.

SWAK (that means Sealed With A Kiss), Aelin

Postmarked: July 12

. . .

Dear Aelin,

I thought hearing your voice would make me feel better, but getting that small taste of you has sent me into a spiral of hopelessness. I miss you so much more than I thought, and my ability to pretend has run out.

Each morning, I wake, staring at your face, longing for the days to pass quicker, and return to bed feeling even more restless that I can’t smell your shampoo or taste the berry flavor of your chapstick and the faint sweetness of your tongue. I think about all the times I felt your soft skin beneath my fingers, grasping at air and wondering if it wasn’t just some incredibly vivid dream. Your curves live imprinted on the insides of my eyelids, taunting me, knowing I’m too far away to reach them. My imagination runs wild under the cover of darkness, thinking of what lies beneath the thick straps of your lifeguard uniform, and what would happen if they slipped off your shoulder. The memory of your flesh appears and then disappears, the edges blurring until they disappear into a dream-like fog. I’ve lost my grasp.

I am in hell without you – destined to be tortured until the day I can wrap my arms around your waist and pull you against me solidly, and be reassured that you are real, that you are mine. I long to press my lips against the crook of your neck and inhale. When I see you again, I don’t plan on letting you go. Ever.

Three weeks, my love.

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: July 19

. . .

Ummmmm…. Ro, as much as I love your flowery words and sexy poetry (which, I really do, more of that please), I know you. What’s really going on? Sorry for the short letter, but I’m running late to work, and your last letter (though beautiful) was deeply concerning. Talk to me, drama queen. What’s up?

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: July 26

. . .

Ace,

How are you so in tune with me that you can read between the lines and get to my core? I wasn’t going to talk about it (because I’m so fucking nervous), but since you called me out, I guess I have no choice, huh?

We’re in the last stretch of camp – which is awesome. I’m so tired and sore, I can’t wait to go home and take a long Epsom salt bath (or maybe recruit you to give me a massage? A man can dream). But, I’m not going to lie, I’ve also gotten pretty damn good at lacrosse. I mean, obviously. That sounds so stupid to say. But, when we do scrimmages, Coach Sartaq has started putting me in the group of strongest players. Even Nox said he’s impressed with my improvement, and he thought I was already pretty good. I guess I didn’t really think about it, but I’ve always been a pretty good player. But now? It’s like… next level. My speed has increased a ton, and my footwork is second nature now. I’ve never really had anything come easily to me before, and it’s weird how much this game feels a part of me now. I always knew I wanted to play in college, but I never really thought about how it would all play out.

Coach Sartaq sat us down and let us know that for our last week of the intensive, he’s invited scouts from all the college lacrosse teams to have a first look at our playing. That means I have coaches coming to watch me play and see if they want me to join their college team. A LOT of them.

I knew that was going to happen at some point – they told me when I agreed to come to the intensive that scouts would be looking at my playing, but they lulled me into a false sense of security with these long ass, hot days and endless practices. My mind became so numb, everything became so routine, and I became so utterly exhausted that I forgot the whole purpose of this camp. Recruitment for college.

I’m kind of freaking out. I wish you were here to calm me down. I know we’ve talked about college a little bit, but this could be THE moment for me, you know? I could come back to Orynth knowing where I’m going to college, with a recruitment letter in my hand. Which is insane to think about. I thought I’d just be sending tape from last season out to the scouts. I didn’t think that they’d come to see me play now. It’s not like I’ve never been watched by scouts before. They came to a few games last season and the season before, but I never knew they were there until after I was finished playing, so I didn’t have time to get in my head about my playing. Now, I’m so far in my head I don’t know that I can see a way out.

What if no one wants me? What if I fuck up my playing because I’m so nervous and I miss my shot to get recruited? What am I going to do if I don’t get recruited? That’s my one shot at college. The restaurant doesn’t make that much. We’re comfortable, but it’s not like she has tons saved for college. If I mess it up, I won’t be able to afford to go. There’s no backup plan. Aunt Maeve has been banking on this. It just feels like a lot of pressure. And then, what about you? What if I get recruited to a college that you hate? What if that’s my only option? Or one really far away? I don’t know why I didn’t spend more time thinking about this. I’m really nervous, Aelin. I know I don’t usually talk about my feelings that much – I didn’t realize how much I had stored up about this until it became a reality. And now the reality is coming closer and closer, and, yeah, I’m just really freaking out.

They’re coming next week. My entire future could be decided NEXT WEEK. So, yeah, I’m fucking terrified. I’d much rather think about how much I miss kissing you than fucking up my entire future. What happens if I fuck everything up?

I wish I could call you. I wasn’t kidding about hearing your voice. It soothes me. I think you’re the only one who can help me when I get like this. I’m trying to imagine what you’d say. Probably something like – don’t be dumb, Ro, you’re being completely irrational! Am I close? Wait, no – maybe something a little more encouraging to follow that up – like, I’ve worked hard and my playing has never been better, and whatever happens happens and we’ll figure it out. Right? If I concentrate hard enough, I can almost hear you saying it. And I can definitely see you rolling your wide blue eyes at me.

God, I miss your eyes. The picture I have of you doesn’t nearly do them justice (plus, I end up looking at your cleavage a lot more than I should admit – please burn this letter so your dad can never see it). But I miss your eyes. They change color depending on your mood. Did you know that? I can always tell when you’re mad because the yellow ring around your iris gets a little bigger and it flickers like I’m looking at the tendrils of a fire. And when you’re sad, the blue deepens, so it looks almost blue-grey, like a stormy sea. And when you laugh, they’re the clearest turquoise like the tropical waters of the southern continent and the yellow turns almost golden, warmer, like honey. How’s that for poetry? It’s the most I can do right now in my current state of panic, so I hope it’ll do. I promise you’ll get much more in the future. I could wax poetic about you forever.

Okay, I feel slightly calmer just having told you. Thank you for pressing. I love that you know me better than anyone else. That you could tell just through a letter that something was up. Hoarding your kisses until I see you next. I’m going to need them to get through the next two weeks.

I can do this, right? (Lie to me).

Missing you more than I can even say.

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: August 2

. . .

Oh, Rowan, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this all by yourself. I wish I could call you and calm you down, but you did a pretty good impression of me. That’s exactly what I would say – eye roll included.

But I wish I could do more. When I got your letter and saw how many pages it was, I nearly fell off my chair. I love you, but you’re not the most talkative human I’ve ever met, and you certainly don’t share your feelings so easily. I’m glad you got it all out (all five pages back and front!). But I have a little bit more to say, so hold on, okay?

You are one of the most amazing, spectacularly talented humans I’ve ever met. You were the only sophomore who made the Varsity lacrosse team, and you were MVP in your junior championship game. You were so talented that you got invited to a super exclusive, fancy shmancy program all summer, and like you said, your skills have only improved since then. You’re going to knock those recruiters all on their butts. They’re going to be fighting hand over foot trying to get you to go to their college. You’re nervous you’re going to blow it? I’m not. I’m nervous that you’re going to come back with multiple offers from the best colleges in the world, each one better than the last. Because you know that’s what’s going to happen, Ro. They’re going to love you. They’re going to be offering you the world to try and get you to go to their school. Just make sure you don’t forget about me when you’re a top college athlete, okay? I knew you when, and I always knew you’d succeed.

I hope this reaches you before the recruiters come so you know I’m crossing all my fingers and toes for you and sending good vibes into the universe (can you feel them?).

Seriously, you’re going to crush it. I’m not worried about you at all. Just take a deep breath and have a good look at my cleavage (heheh) and let all the stress fall away. You got this. TWO THUMBS UP!!!!

And if you need a bit of a distraction, here’s one – Lysandra’s back. I hadn’t seen her all summer, but I ran into her while I was filling up the jeep with gas (yes, I’ve been driving your jeep, I’m sorry, I swear I’m being SO CAREFUL – I just love it so much, it smells like you and Maeve said it was fine!). Anyway, back to Lys. She was there filling up her mom’s Range Rover and totally avoiding eye contact with me, so I wasn’t going to be the first to say anything. I tried reaching out to her and she made it super clear that I was not going to be forgiven, but get this – as she was finishing, she looked up at WAVED at me before getting back into the car. Can you believe it??? She looked okay. She cut her hair, but it looks healthier. She looks healthier. I don’t really know what to make of it all. That’s a positive, right? That she waved? She could have gone on ignoring me, but she didn’t. I’m taking it as a good omen.

We’re going to go into senior year knowing where we’re going to college and surrounded by the best friends, and it’s all going to be perfect and amazing. You’re coming home SO SOON!!!! And then good luck ever having me let you out of my sight again ;)

Remember – I’m thinking of you every moment of every day, and you’re going to rock your final week of camp.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!!!

xx, Aelin

Postmarked: August 9

. . .

Dear Aelin,

You were right, per usual. You have a habit of that, hm? This is going to be a short letter because I’m about to hop on a bus back to you, but I couldn’t resist sending one more. This letter thing was pretty fun, but I can’t wait until I can call and text you – I’m going to be blowing up your phone so much, you’re going to have to put me on mute. Just kidding, please don’t do that. I’d be really sad.

Anyway, we’re going to have some things to discuss when I get back because I have some pretty big news. I’m not going to put it in a letter, so you’ll have to wait until you see me face to face, but that’s going to happen before you even get this letter.

I’ll see you TODAY in eight hours. (Longest bus ride everrrrr). I’ll be sure to sleep through the whole thing so I’m awake enough to hang out tonight. Promise.

Love you. Sending you thousands of kisses (I’ll collect when I see you).

xoxo, Rowan

Postmarked: August 16

~*~

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