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trash-soup · 1 year

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Weird and fun and slightly unhinged (and SPOILER FILLED) Stardew Valley headcanons i have:

My cows are transmasc (like Otis from Barnyard) so every time I (the player character) see them i say "Gentlemen" and give them a nod

Maru and I share notes on things we've built in the past few days every time we see each other

M. Rasmodius had two kids with two different women in town (which is why the witch divorced his ass): Abigail (duh) and WAIT FOR IT...Sebastian. We know nothing about Sebastian's father, but Seb himself is very attuned to nature and has the same slight smugness at the beginning as the Wizard. Do Seb and Abigail know they're related? No. Will they ever? Who knows. Do they feel a strong connection between them? Yes. Has it been confused for a crush and will it dissapate into a sibling-like relationship eventually? Absolutely.

Marnie knows she deserved better than Lewis. That's why she's been considering Marlon.

Gil (the monster slayer rewards guy) is Jodi and Harvey's dad.

Lewis siphons money from the town's taxes into various "town _____ funds", most of which he keeps for himself. (gold for a solid gold statue is expensive) the only reason he doesn't keep the agriculture fund is because I moved into the farm.

Evelyn and Grandpa had a long and storied romance before she met George. They were middle school sweethearts all the way through high school, but when they graduated, she left for a job in the city, and he stayed behind on the farm. He eventually met our grandmother, who he married, and when evelyn came back she was a bit saddened but she kept in touch with both of them. Soon after she met George, and that was that.

Pam and Clint are cousins

Gunther is actually running a small smuggling ring with his wife, the Travelling Cart woman (I call her Maureen). They smuggle artifacts and supplies over enemy lines.

"Our beloved Mona" in the cemetery is actually Jas and Shane's Mom, Marnie's Sister. Shane had a rough relationship with her, opting to go with his dad in the divorce, but when dad turned out to be an abusive ass, he came back to mom's. He and Mona got along a bit better and he even started thriving in school. She would make him homemade Jalapeno bacon pepper poppers as a reward for good grades, and threw him a pizza party when he made the Varsity gridball team. After he graduated, she had Jas and named him her godfather on top of being her half brother. Then she had an awful accident about a year and a half later. Shane spiraled, latched on to the addictive tendencies given to him by his father's genes, and began drinking. He asked aunt Marnie if they could crash with her for a while. He's still reeling from his mom's sudden death 7 years later when we move in.

Demetrius is working on secret military projects but can't let his family know, so he wanders off (to the lakeside and to the fountain) to work on them.

Harvey has a shelf in his apartment full of ultra expensive and intricate model planes, half of which were gifts from Jodi

Kent and Harvey have a strained relationship due to Kent having seen the true horrors of war and Harvey glorifying service in the armed forces. They get along but only just.

Pierre's secret stash is not porn, but Money. He keeps a rather large sum of gold tucked away from his family "just in case".

Shane and Alex hang out and talk about gridball more than you would think. In fact, Alex is one of the very few people Shane likes.

Claire (the cashier from Joja) hates Morris. She hates working for Joja. She hates the fact that they're causing problems in the valley. She wishes she could just own her own business here some day. And she does. When the Junimos restore the Joja building into the movie theatre, she gets a mysterious letter in the mail that says "Come bak tu valley, muvee plase is yours" (Junimos had to ask hat mouse to write it)

I have a ton more but that's it for now.

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meowjings-arsb · 2 years

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Absolutely probably not true stardew headcanons. Aka Stardew headcanons on crack probably

Shane is the Wizard’s secret child. How else was he able to make BLUE chickens? 🐓Magic obviously. It’s also why his hair is purple

Jas begged to have her hair dyed purple to match Shane because she looks up to him and it’s her favorite color

Mr Qi’s skin is blue because he drank too much Joja bluu. His hair is purple because he drank too much iridium snake milk

Mr Qi is always actively evading the authorities

Y’know what, maybe Shane just fed his chickens too much Joja Bluu and that’s why they’re blue

In that case, Joja Co is suing Shane for the misuse of the color Joja Blue

The hat mouse made Mr Qi’s first hat and now he considers them like his adopted child

The Hat Mouse is immortal™️ and purposely commits tax evasion, but it’s ok because they’re too cute to arrest 🐭

Mr Qi sends the Adventurer’s Guild letters on how many of what monsters the farmer has killed and that’s how they know for their monster slayer quests

Marlon broke the bus to Calico Desert because all his adventurers were dying in the Skull Caverns

Mr Qi and Marlon were once in a very brief relationship and now prefer not to talk about it 👍

Marlon has accidentally committed arson with the napalm ring before and Gil has banned him from using that ring

The reason why you can’t wear more than two rings at once is because you are legally only allowed to wear rings on your ring fingers, and wearing two on one ring finger will jam the effects

Emily is able to possess an increased effect just by holding a gemstone, like one that you would get from wearing a gem ring, except she’s just holding it

Emily constantly wears a ring of Yoba

Popular to contrary belief, Harvey doesn’t sleep

And he owns a hot java ring ☕️

Sebastian is secretly just a pile of frogs in an emo trenchcoat

Maru is singlehandedly going to start the robot revolution

So y’know how every bachelor has an unobtainable weapon except Shane and Emily because they were made bachelors later on?

So basically Shane’s weapon is “Shane’s Basket of Eggs” and Emily’s is “Emily’s Parrot Perch”

The farmer is just straight up a cryptid with no concerns for their health 👌

Warp and Rain totems only work because some magical being looked at the gremlin of a farmer and was like “Yeah, we should give that kind of power”

The Wizard accidentally killed the farmer with tree poisoning from the drink he gave them because he forgot mortals were allergic to trees, and then he had to quickly revive them before anyone got suspicious… And that’s why the farmer can see ghosts in the mines and Skull Caverns 👻

The farmer is too powerful. They can kill ghosts??? Also are all the ghosts they encounter just adventurers who died terrible deaths and are now just trapped in the mortal plane destined to die again? Is Grandpa trapped in the mortal plane too?? Can you kill Grandpa??? More at 12- 👉👉

That thing that escaped from the Strange Capsule now works for Joja

The truck driver and orange haired cashier at the local Joja live there and don’t have their own names. They are known as the Cashier and Truck Driver employees. No one remembers their old names because Morris stole them

Morris is currently trying to steal Shane and Sam’s names like he did with the other employees but it’s very tricky to do when they don’t work there 24/7 (yet)

Mayor Lewis takes a tax off of everything you put in the shipping bin without telling you

The old mariner that gives you the Mermaid’s pendant died on a rainy day 🌧

The cloaked figure at the Night Market that sells you a farm warp totem warps to your farm at night and dances around after 2pm whenever they visit the Valley

Harvey is gonna propose soon to the Night Market coffee man probably maybe not…… (with the hot Java ring too-)

Slimes are the polar opposites of Junimos

Whenever a tomato enters the valley, they are immediately declassified from being fruits from the sheer power of Robin’s tomato fruit salad hating carpentry aura 🍅

Why does Mr Qi have his own currency, gems, and fruit? Narcissism 🔵👉👉

The entire Valley and everyone who lives in it is cursed to be stuck in a year long (four month?) time loop where no one can age after reaching a certain point and its been going on for so long that everyone is just very tired, and that’s why they let the community center die out and why Morris moved in

Y’know that squeak sound Junimo’s make when they’re jumping and whatnot? That’s them saying Qi because they’re essentially like pokemon and so…

Theory that Mr Qi is just a blue Junimo who gained a lot of power and prestige, got into gambling, learned English, and grew up/evolved 😊👍

The Calico Desert is named so because it’s dry of cats

The farmer is somewhat immune to radiation

Cucumbers don’t exist in the valley solely to spite pickle makers

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studentinpursuitofclouds · 7 months

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saw that one post of yours titled "his gaze softened" and fell in love with it! i was wondering if you would mind making a version with Haley, Claire and Daia instead? (my favs from vanilla SDV, SVE and RSV, respectively). if not, that's alright.

have a great day!

Of course! Have a great day too and enjoy 💖

Haley:

Click, click, click, click...

The clicking had been going on for more than 20 minutes, as Haley couldn't get a perfect picture of the forest lake with her camera. Such a beautiful summer atmosphere: sunny weather, birds singing, fish splashing, flowers fragrant - the girl was ready to sacrifice the cleanliness of her new stilettos in order not to miss and capture such a perfect moment in the forest on the photo tape.

But the blonde girl still couldn't pick any photo - none of the photos fits, everywhere there is some object spoiling the whole picture. Deciding to take a break for a couple minutes from the endless clicking of her camera button, Haley noticed that just as the "that" farmer came out of the door of the Marnie's Ranch. The same Farmer, who still continued to be friends with Haley, despite the fact that in the past she'd made some less than tactful, and at times even rude, comments about their clothing. She would have said something about it even now, to be honest: their worn blue overalls were covered in dust, earth, and grass. However, Haley had been annoyed by this scruffiness at first on the first day they'd both met, but now she thought there was some charm to it. Though it would seem - what charm could you find in a dirty farmer's clothes?

The Farmer held a lump of something white in his hands, and a small basket of sunflowers hung from the bend of their elbow. It wasn't until a few seconds later that Haley realized that the "something white" in their hands was none other than a little cute lamb. Oh, so adorable!

Not realizing what she was doing, Haley took a quick picture of the Farmer while they were playing with a farm animal they had purchased. Noticing a flash not far away near the lake, Farmer took a quick step toward Haley. The girl was only slightly startled, thinking that the Farmer didn't like the hidden camera taking pictures without their asking. But they only bestowed the girl with their snow-white smile, gave her a sunflower (her favorite...), and let her play with the lamb for a bit.

After they finished talking and the Farmer headed home, Haley started looking at the pictures she had taken earlier, and stopped at the one where the Farmer, in a straw hat, smiling toothily, was playing with the cute lamb. Her gaze softened at the sight of such a happy person, her friend, her... secret object of adoration?

Okay, she got distracted, still need to take pictures of the landscape. And that picture of the Farmer... Well, she would keep secret, away from prying eyes.

Claire:

Today Claire was lucky that there weren't many customers in the Jojamart, or else her manager would have made her miss half the break time again, because "customers need to be served, and rest can wait." The red-haired girl headed towards the small pond outside the store, the only place that wasn't lined with huge vans and crates with the dull logo of Joja. Just the quiet splash of water, a couple of trees, and silence... She could quietly enjoy a break and delve into reading her favorite book.

No sooner had Claire found a bench to sit down on than she noticed a figure not far from the pond. Birds of various colors were flying noisily around the person. Sparrows, titmouse, snowbirds - the very ones that don't fly south, staying in the Stardew Valley during the winter. The feathered lumps chirped happily around (as Claire noticed after a moment) the Farmer, perched on their shoulders, arms and head, gratefully and eagerly eating the bird food the Farmer had generously scattered. The cashier raised her eyebrows in surprise, amazed as she watched the smiling Farmer and the noisy little birds.

The birds seemed to trust them enough not to be afraid of them at all. Oh, how funny the Farmer looks when the little feather lumps, even after a hearty meal, were unwilling to leave the Farmer, perched on top of them. And how the Farmer pretended to be grumpy that they was going to stay here for a long time, but was nevertheless glad of such attention from the birds.

How Claire's gaze softened at the sight of the fondling birds and such a kind person for remembering to care not only their farm animals, but for the others. And the way her cheeks flushed slightly when the Farmer spotted her and waved a hand in greeting, and Claire could have sworn that the birds that perched on the Farmer also chirped happily as they greeted the red-haired girl.

Daia:

"You'll never catch up to me!"

"I am speeeeed!"

"Hee hee hee!"

The children's laughter filled the entire Ridge, not intending to end anytime soon. After all, Keahi, Trinnie and Blair had just gotten into the flavor of the game when they, squealing with joy and merriment, ran away from the Farmer who had graciously agreed to play catch-up with them. Naturally, the Farmer runs as fast as a cheetah and could have caught someone a long time ago, but that's no fun.

After an hour of playing, they dramatically fell to the grass, and the children immediately went up to the Farmer and fell on the grass too with them, celebrating their victory.

"Hehehe, we overtook you! I told you I am the speeeeed!"

While all four of them were lying on the grass and laughing, not far behind a tall poplar tree stood Daia. A noise in the forest caught her attention and the curious ninja decided to find out what was going on. Her gaze softened and her heart filled with mirth when Daia realized that it wasn't evil spirits that had managed to crawl out of Ridge Forest, but just local kids and that 'cutie farmer' from a nearby town. Oh, she wished she could join the game too!

It was a shame that grumpy Jio would be all over her about the abandoned post, so Daia just smiled again and disappeared into the mist.

#sdv #stardew valley #sve #stardew valley expanded #rsv #ridgeside village #sdv haley #sve claire #rsv daia #sdv headcanons #sve headcanon #rsv headcanon #rsv keahi #rsv trinnie #thanks for the ask!

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star-bear-headcannons · 10 months

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Stardew Valley Sam Incorrect Quotes

Sam: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

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Sam: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!

Sam: *sprays hairspray in their mouth*

Sam: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam: I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood.

Sam: I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040, and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong. And the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404".

Sam: And I actually laughed out loud.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam: Why do I always try to tell people we're cool? We are so very uncool

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These are all more true than Sam would like to admit.

#stardew #stardew valley #stardew valley headcanons #stardew sam

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priya-san · 7 months

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Inktober 2023 - Day 1 JojaMart

I'm going the multi prompt list and multi fandom this year! Basically this is my way of showing I have to many ideas and I can't commit to one, so I'm going to try them all! Will I succeed or crash any burn? Let's find out together!

Prompt taken from the Grapefruit Sky Inktober prompts!

Fandom: Stardew Valley Characters: Reshmi Lavari (my farmer), Morris Pairing: N/A Rating: M (CW: Swears, anxiety, corporate burnout, corporate guilt, mentions of a shitty ex)

The warm spring rain surrounded Reshmi, as she stood outside the stark white building on the furthermost corner of town. She gripped her umbrella tightly. Not even the gentle pitter patter of rain hitting her umbrella could sooth her in this state. She’d manage to avoid shopping at the local JojaMart for two months now, but after her Grandfather’s old toaster died this morning, Reshmi knew she couldn’t avoid it any longer.

You can do this, Resh. Just run in, grab the damn thing, and run out.

A cold blast of air greeted her as the automatic doors opened. Reshmi shielded her eyes from the harsh white light that lit up the store. Each JojaMart store was engineered in the exact same way, to get customers to spend as much as possible in the shortest amount of time. After fifty years of operating, JojaCorp had it down to an exact science. A science that Reshmi herself had helped push all across the country thorough her work with the legal team. The generic pop music that was playing in the background was interrupted by DJ Joja to let customers know that there was a limited time sale going on in aisle three. Reshmi watched as customers curiously wandered over, in an almost zombie like state, driven by the desire for a bargain. A shiver ran down her back. She swallowed the guilt she felt bubbling in her chest, and made her way to the appliance aisle.

The toaster was easy enough to find. While she hated to admit it, JojaMart really did have shockingly low prices. Driving to Grampleton and buying this same model at the local homewares store would have cost almost double if she counted the money needed for petrol. As soon as the farm did well enough, she was buying her new stove from a local retailer. She had to. With her new found resolve and guilt abated just a little, Reshmi made her way to the checkout queue. While waiting for the lone cashier to scan through the people in front of her, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“I can help you with that if you like.” A short man with glasses, and neatly swept back black hair grinned at her. He wore a full three piece suit and an obnoxious red tie. Reshmi mentally rolled her eyes, this had to be the manager. She nodded and the man led her to the customer service desk and scanned through the toaster. Reshmi pulled out her card to pay, but the man just grinned wider. “You’re the new Farmer aren’t you?”

Great, he’s chatty. Reshmi nodded, keeping her face as neutral as possible.

“I knew it, you’ve been the talk of the town for a few weeks now.” He held his hand out. “Name’s Morris, I’m the manager of the first ever JojaMart in the Valley.” She grabbed his sweaty palm and he shook her hand vigorously. “It’s always great to get more people moving here, helps with the economy as I’m sure you’re aware.”

Reshmi made a noncommittal hum in return. “Morris, I appreciate you helping me out, but I would like to be on my way.”

“Of course, I’m sure you have a busy day ahead of you. Let’s see here,” Morris rattled off the price and Reshmi tapped her card to pay. While he grabbed a bag for the toaster, she noticed the cork-board behind him. It was filled with news clippings and photos of JojaCorp achievements. One was about the latest mining project they had undertaken, another of the company revenue figures. All boastful corporate language, which was all too familiar. But it was the headline about the Joja Expansion project that really caught Reshmi’s attention. She felt a heavy lurch in the pit of her stomach. Shit. That was her project. Sure enough, underneath was a photo of the whole team, she and Owen right in front. He had her hand around her waist, pulling her towards him, with the both of them grinning for the camera. A wave of nausea threaten to overwhelm her. It was all so fake. So freaking fake. She had to get out of here.

“Done, and I’ve dropped a couple of coupons in there too. As a welcome gift.” Morris winked, he actually winked at her. She had to go.

The coupons were thrown in the trash as soon as she left, with the toaster almost along with it. But that wouldn’t solve anything. Instead she rushed home in the rain, this time without bothering with the umbrella. Relishing the feeling of the raindrops on her skin, forcing her to feel something other than numb. Her resolve grew stronger with every step, and she knew she wouldn’t be stepping into JojaMart ever again. Instead she grabbed her last packet of parsnip seeds, and head out to till the soil. She had more work to do.

Want more Reshmi? You can read my Harvey x Farmer fic here!

#inktober 2023 #priya writes #stardew valley #joja mart #joja corp #stardew valley inktober #sdv fanfic #my oc

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wouldyoustilllovemeifiwasawyrm · 5 months

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Get to know 9 people tag game

big thanks to @spices28 for tagging (and for the very nice things they said about my fic!)

Last song listened to: Low by Andrea Marie

Currently reading: Not really reading anything in particular? But here's my bookmarked series.

Letters to the Stars by osulity - Hetalia, America (non-ship) set in the American Revolution. Written by a friend of mine who used to rp with me way back in the day. We reconnected through a mutual beta and they asked if they could put my old OC into their fic. So this is my godchild-fic now.

Rouse Your Bold Heart by articifiallsatillite - Hetalia, AmeriPan, also AmRev, Kiku gets isekai'd into 1774. Shenanigans ensue.

The Promise by zeldaelmo - Legend of Zelda, Zelink, arranged marriage, elopement, Pride and Prejudice but make it Zelda and unhinged. 10/10.

Play with Me: A Musically Romantic Christmas Story by flutefemme - Legend of Zelda, Zelink, modern AU, Zelda is a pianist and works at the mall where Link is a music store cashier, they fall in love over an old piano in front of the store, very sweet

Sweet/spicy/savory: Spicy!

Current obsessions: My own fics, Stardew Valley, Linked Universe, my trash goblin Hetalia rp blogs

Relationship status: single and conflicted about it

Last thing I googled: Iron Bowl 2023 - I needed to know who won so I don't wear the wrong color to work next week

Currently working on: in order of activity 1) A Lullaby for a Princess, 2) Skyfaller, 3) The Body and the Blood (ATLA, not posted anywhere), 4) Washington's Southern Tour

Tagging my lovely friends in a variety of fandoms

@ferdamine, @akira-pink, @jdetan, @zeldastrife, @paperworkanddogs, @ourfairdominion, @torenchao, @zeldaelmo, @runecatwrites

#anyway my other blogs are teableeds and volodidnothingwrong #for those of you confused why a zelda blog is tagging you #it's your pal Fyre back at it again being a huge nerd

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elizaviento · 1 year

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Green on the Vine — Strawberry Wine (Part 12 of ?)

(Stardew Valley — Shane/Female Farmer/OC)

This chapter is rated mostly SFW — 3452 words. Just the tiniest bit of dirty talk.

Note: :)

(FYI: Additional chapters of Green on the Vine — Strawberry Wine can be found in the Stardew Valley Fic Masterpost link in my blog description. Or, you can click the #green on the vine strawberry wine tag in this post, within my blog, to access all additional chapters.)

*****

"Hey, man – your girlfriend just walked in," Sam said, rounding the corner as Shane slashed open the top of a cardboard box with his dulling boxcutter.

"What?" Shane pinched his brow as the younger man emerged through the gloom of the back stockroom.

"Yeah, she's talking to Morris, and she looks, I dunno, kinda pissed?"

Shane sighed, unsure if he wanted to address the girlfriend comment or wonder aloud why Morris would be talking to her. He decided on the former.

"She's not my girlfriend," he mumbled, retracting the blade of the boxcutter and shoving it in the back pocket of his uniform shorts. And, technically, she wasn't. At least, not yet. Payday loomed ahead, Friday seeming like years away instead of days, and he planned to buy the biggest, dumbest bouquet he could afford.

"Whatever you say, my man," Sam replied with a chuckle. "Anytime she's ever come here, it's to find you, so…" The younger man shrugged, a lopsided grin finishing the sentence for him. "Want me to go see what they're talking about?"

"No," Shane responded, pushing past Sam to crack the stockroom door just enough to catch sight of Kristen and Morris standing next to Claire's register. The cashier, as usual, stood glassy-eyed and nearly nodding off while the tense conversation unfolded mere feet away. Shane knew that Kristen had a hand in the store manager's transfer to Pelican Town several years prior, but the stance they displayed hinted at something a little more complicated.

"Think he's hitting on her?" Sam asked. Shane figured it was a lousy attempt at a joke, but the insinuation caused his hackles to rise, and he flushed, overwhelmed by an emotion he couldn't quite name but recognized as a mixture of protectiveness and jealousy.

"It's questionable if Morris is even human," Shane replied, eyeing the man as he loomed over Kristen. "I doubt he has the capacity to love anything other than Joja."

Sam snickered as he approached Shane and peered through the crack above his head. "I think she can take him. Wanna bet?"

Shane scoffed but couldn't deny that the mental image of the farmer socking his shitty boss in the jaw almost had him standing at half-mast. But just when he was about to turn down that hypothetical bet, his walkie-talkie crackled to life, startling him enough to slam the stockroom door closed as if he and Sam had been caught witnessing something untoward.

"Shane Davis, you're free to go to lunch. Oh, and you have a guest at the front of the store. Best not keep her waiting."

"She ain't your girlfriend, my ass," Sam laughed, clapping the shorter man on the shoulder. "Damn, can't believe Morris is actually letting you go to lunch, too."

"Yeah," Shane agreed. "Can you finish unpacking these while I'm gone?"

"No problemo, pal."

"For real this time," Shane amended, narrowing his eyes. "Morris will blame me if he comes back here and finds they aren't."

Sam nodded, well aware that their manager seemed to harbor some sort of a grudge against his co-worker. "Yeah, man. Promise."

Shane thanked him and cautiously exited the stockroom, peering left and right as if he would be ambushed by Morris or a bothersome customer at any second. Finding the coast clear, he made his way toward the front, hugging the outside wall until he reached the row of cash registers and cut across them toward Kristen from the side.

Stepping out into the noonday sunshine hand in hand with the farmer felt surreal on a level that Shane had never experienced but also more natural than he could have imagined. Despite his protests that he wasn't ashamed of the townsfolk knowing they were involved, he caught himself scanning the immediate vicinity for wandering eyes and whispering voices. Shame still had nothing to do with his misplaced caution. Well, at least not for himself.

Shifting his eyes to the side as they strolled, Shane attempted to absorb how Kristen's hair shone like fire in the sun and how her freckles darkened ever so slightly. The sway of her hips as she walked, the chiffon of her sundress swishing around her thighs with each step. The red tinge of her lipstick and how it reminded him of lip prints on a shot glass while fat snowflakes coated cobblestones under the moonlight.

"You look really pretty today," he said, glad that the statement sounded as normal as he rehearsed it in his mind.

"Oh… thank you."

She blushed – actually blushed – and Shane was suddenly teleported back to 7th grade, starry-eyed and cooing over the prettiest girl in class. A girl who would ultimately end up his girlfriend but would break his heart weeks later. A girl who would, despite teenage angst, remain his best friend. A girl who would honor that lifelong friendship by making him the godfather of her beloved daughter only months before she died.

When Shane opened the door to the Saloon — holding it open for Kristen so she could enter first — he was relieved that Emily's smiling face was the only one staring back at them. This early in the day, traffic was sparse regardless, but the lack of other patrons meant he could pretend they were all alone.

"Gus is pulling your pizza from the oven now!" Emily said, fetching a couple of glasses from below the bar. "Take a seat, and I'll bring it over soon!"

Kristen made way toward their usual spot, but Shane gently tugged her toward the corner booth instead, heart fluttering when she caught his eye and smirked.

"This is cozy," she remarked, settling in on his opposite side. The plastic bag she'd been carrying crinkled as she sat it beside her, and his imagination soared with what could be inside.

"Uh — yeah," he agreed as Emily approached, sat two glasses of water down in front of them, and left without a word. Shane's eyes briefly followed the waitress until she turned and shot him a knowing wink. "Thanks for ordering the food."

The farmer stared at him for several endless seconds before replying, "Thanks for letting me hold your hand on the walk over here." Her own hand landed on his bare knee under the table, inching slightly upward, nails lightly scraping through his leg hair. Shane flinched reflexively, unprepared and never expecting such a bold move in public. "Last night was so sexy."

Shane's eyes darted toward the bar and then around the remainder of the deserted Saloon, paranoia creeping up his spine like a slithering swamp creature no human had ever laid eyes on. When he found Emily casually slicing their pizza and loading a tray with the pan and plates, he relaxed, if only slightly.

"Kriss."

"Sorry," she said, retreating her hand. Shane found himself regretting such a prudish response when the warm print of her palm cooled almost instantly. He suppressed a shiver even as he noticed the burn again spreading across her cheeks. "I guess something about you makes me feral."

The confession shot a lightning bolt straight to Shane's dick, and he felt it twitch like the fingers of a reanimated corpse in a bad zombie flick. He was momentarily speechless, still astounded that a woman like her could find anything sexy about a guy like him.

"Babe, I'm barely keeping my shit together here," he said, attempting to soothe her silly insecurities. "I'm grateful for the pizza, but uh —" he took another cursory glance at their surroundings, calculating he had just enough time to utter the filth sitting on the tip of his tongue before Emily was in earshot, "— I'd be just as happy eating your pussy for lunch."

"Oh, fuck off," she giggled, covering her face as Emily slid the tray between them.

"One supreme pizza with extra cheese and peppers!" the waitress announced, shattering the sexual tension like she was wielding a sledgehammer.

The remainder of their time in the Saloon was spent with leisurely conversation not unlike what they'd usually shared, interspersed with Kristen bumping his foot under the table playfully, her hand finding its way back to his knee, and the occasional sexually suggestive remark that had Shane feeling slightly delirious. He couldn't recall the last time the buds of a full-fledged relationship had begun to bloom, petals unfurling slowly and then all at once, displaying proudly for all to see. Even while serotonin spiked his brain and giddiness bubbled in his chest, he knew he could just as easily fuck it all up – crush the sprouting bud under his heel and grind it into the dirt without even realizing, akin to stepping on an ant unfortunate enough to cross his path on his routine stroll to work.

"Hmm, you ready to go back?" Kristen asked. Her hand had finally sought his under the table, their fingers interlocked, merged in the invisible void between them.

"Not really. But I'm sure Morris will call me soon if I don't."

"You still coming over after?" she asked, peeking at him from below her lashes. Shane thought she looked so heart-achingly beautiful just then and wondered how he had ever managed to contain himself since he'd laid eyes on her in this very Saloon over two years ago.

"Yeah, babe." He felt breathless, as if his chest would cave in at any second, lungs deflated. He hated wondering what label to assign to her now. Hated wondering what label she'd assigned to him. They were two grown adults; it shouldn't be this complicated, right? All he knew for sure was that if he couldn't latch his mouth to the soft expanse of her inner thighs again soon, he'd implode. "Want me to bring anything?"

"Just yourself," she replied, releasing his hand so she could root around in a hidden pocket of her sundress. Shane scrambled when she tossed a wad of crinkled bills on the table, attempting to pull his worn leather wallet from the back of his shorts pocket. "Don't! I told you this was my treat. If you're up for it, you can take me out for a real date this Friday."

"Huh?" He was acutely aware of how moronic he sounded as the word left his mouth, still flustered from feeling like a freeloader.

"Harvey got me an appointment with that surgeon in Zuzu on Friday afternoon. Wanna come with? I'd rather someone drive me than take the bus."

"I have to work, Kriss," he answered, rubbing the back of his neck. For some reason, he felt ashamed. A deadbeat stock boy doesn't usually get days off when he has a little mouth to feed.

"You've been full-time at Joja for what, 3 years now? More? You have paid time off, Shane. Knowing Morris, he probably tries to guilt you into never taking it."

"Uh —" he floundered, realizing she was absolutely right and feeling even more imbecilic because of it.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure you get this Friday off."

"Kriss, you can't just run in and start fighting my battles," he said, harsher than he'd intended. Her brow furrowed, and her eyes squinted the way they did when she was about to challenge him. "I'll ask him. Whatever you said earlier might still have him ruffled enough to agree."

Her gaze pitched to the side as she wrapped her fingers around a loose curl that had escaped the braid flowing down her back. Unease blanketed Shane like a shroud, all too familiar with her visual cues of distress.

"Fine," she relented, albeit reluctantly. "But if he gives you shit, let me know, Okay? I mean it."

"Morris always gives me shit. Why are you so concerned about it now?"

His tone had shifted to sharp and accusatory while questions swirled in his mind. Why had she left Joja? And what the fuck was up with this sudden feud with Morris? She continuously dodged the subject, and Shane never felt the need to press because it wasn't his business. But now that she insisted on inserting herself in such an invasive manner, he felt he was owed an explanation.

"I'm sorry, you're right," she yielded with a dispirited sigh. "I'm just feeling protective of you, I guess. I don't like the way he treats you."

Shane sucked a ragged breath between his teeth, the hostility slithering between his ribs swarmed away by a kaleidoscope of butterflies pummeling their tissue paper wings against his rapidly beating heart.

"It's alright." He shuffled in the booth, fidgeting while his mind scrambled to come up with something more substantial to say. "I'll put in the time and let you know."

Figuring that was an acceptable middle ground, he stood and motioned for her to follow, boldly taking her hand as soon as she was by his side despite a smattering of townsfolk who had also wandered in for lunch. He was planning to formally ask her to be his on Friday anyway, so fuck it.

❦❧🍓❦❧

"Shane, we have a truck delivery scheduled on Friday. You can't request time off at the last minute," Morris chided as Shane stood on the opposite side of his desk with a PTO request slip in hand.

"I already asked Sam if he'll cover, and he said yes. What's the problem?"

Rolling his eyes, Morris snatched the slip from Shane's hand and scanned it quickly. "You didn't provide a reason for requesting time off. That's required per Joja policy."

"Uh. A friend needs a ride to the city for an appointment. She can't drive right now," Shane answered. Morris' obvious obstinance for the sake of it was already wearing on his patience.

"Ah, I see. Mrs. Jarret?"

"Who?" Shane asked. He was quickly transitioning from irritated to agitated.

"Oh," Morris scoffed, a smug expression replacing stern disappointment. "I guess you don't know your friend so well, after all, hmm? I meant Ms. Wynand."

"Okay…" Shane hedged, wondering where this little display was leading.

"I knew her rather well prior to my transfer. Perhaps she can tell you the tale sometime. Perhaps on Friday. Your time off request has been approved." With an exaggerated flourish, Morris signed his name to the slip, ripped off the carbon copy on the back, and handed it to Shane, a crooked grin splitting his face nearly in two. "Now get back to work."

The remainder of Shane's shift was spent scowling at cans of artificial green beans and bottles of yellow sports drink suspiciously resembling piss. One by one, he shoved them on the shelves, hardly aware of Sam skirting by occasionally with rock music blaring so loud through his headphones that he could be heard from a mile away. By 5 pm, Shane's jaw ached, and his head throbbed from grinding his teeth for hours on end, stewing over the cryptic bullshit hanging between Morris and his would-be girlfriend like a stationary pendulum. One tap and it would swing to and fro, shattering the illusion he'd caught himself in like shards of mirrored glass.

You're doing it again. You're trying to sabotage something good by assuming the worst. It's not like they fucked or something.

Determined not to let his sour mood ruin the rest of his evening, he clocked out, avoiding his co-workers, and briefly considered a stop at the Saloon for one beer. Maybe two.

You really want her to taste alcohol on your tongue when you kiss her? he thought, even as his feet itched to take the familiar path toward the Stardrop. Or would you rather get whiskey dick instead? Yeah, that'll be real fucking smooth…

Admitting to himself that he was, indeed, planning to take Kristen to bed as soon as he walked through the door, he recalculated his trajectory — a straight shot from the footbridge, through town, past the bus stop, and right into her arms.

Having something else to focus on, his previous doomsday broodings fell by the wayside, replaced by an old song he'd mainly heard through the crackling of FM radio as a teenager. The lyrics looped in his mind while visions of a girl with mocha skin and glossy raven hair pressed record on her tape deck, imprinting the song on a cassette tape that Shane would wear out over the years. A memory of that same girl donning a wedding dress, dancing to those lyrics with a handsome man on her arm and Shane smiling from the sidelines. Sometimes… sometimes, it didn't hurt to see them again, if only in his memories. Sometimes remembering them felt like coming home.

Uncharacteristically unburdened when he knocked on the farmer's front door, Shane inserted the key into the knob directly after. He figured Kristen would always chide him for knocking when he could enter at any moment, but that simply felt intrusive.

"Hi," she said, catching him off guard. She was standing just far enough from the door that it didn't smack her in the face when he opened it. He first noticed that she looked deathly pale, almost as pale as when he and Harvey had found her semi-unconscious in the kitchen just 4 days prior. Next was that both of her hands were tucked behind her back as if she were hiding something.

"Hey," he replied. Kristen took a measured step back, just enough to allow him room to close the door behind him and stand eye to eye, approximately a foot apart. "What's uh — is everything okay? You look sick."

Her eyes widened in response, her expression resembling a mix of panic-stricken and terrified, and Shane felt as if he were suddenly doused in pure adrenaline, fight or flight gripping him by the balls. Naturally, he was a fighter.

"Well, I do feel like I'm about to barf, so…" She trailed off into a giggle that sounded forced, as if someone were holding a loaded gun to her temple.

"Kriss, what the —"

Before he could finish, she flung one of her arms forward from behind her back, the soft crinkle of tissue paper reminding him of when Marnie stuffed gift baskets and bags with the useless garnish. Only now, it was delicately wrapped around a gigantic bouquet of flowers and thrust inches from his nose.

"I know this tradition is dumb and outdated," she began, voice wavering. Shane gently pressed the back of one hand against the bundle and slowly pushed it to the side so he could see her face, now splotched with red patches as a blush attempted to force its way to the surface. "But, I don't know. I think it's kind of sweet and romantic. I asked Pierre to bring his nicest one, but I didn't realize it would be so big. Sorry. But it's beautiful!"

She stopped babbling then, her eyes locked with his, still holding the bouquet toward him. Shane opened his mouth to reply but only gaped like a fish, literally stupefied.

"What's wrong? Do you hate it?" she asked, face crumpling the way Jas' did when she was two seconds from sobbing. "Oh god, it's too much, isn't it? This is pathetic."

Shane shook his head, still unable to articulate the barrage of emotions beating him senseless. He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to tell her that she was on the fringes of every thought that occupied his mind, no matter how fleeting. He wanted to tell her he never thought he could find true friendship again until she came crashing through his life like a wrecking ball. He wanted to tell her that the mere notion of losing her now or ever made his throat constrict like he'd swallowed a handful of wasps. But instead, he plucked the bouquet from her hand, tossed it on the tea table next to the door, and pulled her into a kiss. Tender yet yearning, his fingers tangled in her hair, pulling it loose from the braid as strands slipped between each digit. The farmer responded in kind, cupping the back of his neck with her good hand while the other settled on his hip.

"Does this mean you'll be my boyfriend?" she asked teasingly when the pair finally parted. The color had returned to her face, filling in between the dusting of freckles that he loved so much, relief softening her features until her eyes appeared almost doe-like.

Boyfriend.

Instead of recoiling from the juvenile term for a romantic partner, he rolled it around in his mouth like a piece of hard candy, allowing the sweetness to coat his tongue. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

"Yeah, babe," he answered, regarding her with adoration in his eyes. "I'll never understand why you chose me, but I'll be your boyfriend. I'll be whatever you want."

***** End Note: (:

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