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#speed keto
ms-demeanor · 2 months
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Going off that post about nutrition and science, I'd love to hear what you think of the 5:2 diet/The Fast 800 and its creator, Dr. Michael Mosley. For context: in order to get an NHS-funded breast reduction (it's a gender thing, but also just a general quality-of-life thing), I need to be a certain BMI, so I've been referred to a weight management clinic. The lady I've been seeing initially just put me on a low-carb diet (130g or less of carbs per day, with an aside from her about how bullshit Keto and BMI limits for treatment are), but now she's said that, if I wanted to speed up the weight loss, I should include the 5:2 diet: 5 days in a week where I eat "normally", and 2 fast days in which I restrict myself to 800kcals. I did a little looking into it myself, and found that 5:2 - which I HAD heard about before - is now being sold as part of "The Fast 800", with Dr. Mosley being the creator of it. I was shocked by that, because I was already a fan of Dr. Mosley's work (he has a podcast called "Just One Thing" that I really liked, and thought contained reasonable-sounding advice), and yet having a diet plan that he's clearly making money off of does immediately make me feel suspicious. I've borrowed his "The Fast 800" book from the library, both to find out more about the diet I've been put on and to see if it's at all backed by evidence, and he does cite a bunch of scientific studies which seem to back up his ideas, but I don't know how valid they are, and I don't just want to accept them at face-value (especially since he's a "we got fat completely wrong in the 80s, therefore we should eat a Mediterranean diet!" types). Obviously I'll go with what my weight management lady suggests, since she's obviously more qualified to talk about it than I am, but I am curious to know what you think, and whether I'm right to be distrustful of all of this.
I am, generally speaking, against any diet for rapid weight loss. They're not sustainable so people gain the weight back (often with more weight getting added on).
There have also recently been findings that suggest that BMI cutoffs for top surgery are detrimental to patients as patients in higher BMI categories are more likely to have minor complications like UTIs or to be readmitted, but are not likely to have major complications or be at risk of significant harm from having top surgery. I don't know if anybody will listen if you bring up that study, and I know that GCS is fraught in many places for many reasons.
I'm also just.
I'm so mad. I'm so fucking mad! I'm so mad about this!
One of my best friends is a guy who was pressured into a pattern of disordered eating and unhealthy exercise in order to qualify for top surgery; since then he has not been able to eat in a healthy way and has struggled with alternating between exercising to the point of harm and other destructive behaviors that make him unhappy and unsafe. And he didn't need that. He didn't need any of that! He needed a very safe surgery that had perhaps a slightly higher risk of minor complications at his size and instead he got top surgery and an eating disorder! I hate it! I'm so fucking mad about it!
Also as near as I can tell Michael Mosley qualified as a psychiatrist in the 90s, spent very little time working as a psychiatrist, and then became a media personality. From what is visible on his website and every biography I've found for him he apparently doesn't have any background in nutrition beyond whatever is standard for someone in medical school (which is NOT MUCH).
Hey I just looked at his website and this is straight-up fucked up.
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Anybody recommending an 800 calorie a day diet for 2-12 weeks in a context that is not heavily medically supervised can fucking choke. That is *ridiculously* dangerous and the website says that this can improve insulin resistance but there are a shitload of studies about people on crash diets like this *developing* insulin resistance (oh hey like my friend who became prediabetic after his rapid significant weight loss).
Also in regard to the studies he cites on the website, the "two years later patients are still going strong in their diabetes improvements" it's really important to put shit like that in context
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at 5 years 13% of the original intervention group were in remission from their type two diabetes; the average weight loss experienced by the intervention group as a whole was 6.1kg compared to 4.6kg in the control group. That's 1.5kg lower for the people who went through a twelve week medically supervised very low calorie diet compared. That's an average difference of 3.3 pounds between "starvation diet" and "no diet" for the Americans in the audience.
Yours is the second comment I've seen that has been leery of the Mediterranean diet, btw, and the Mediterranean diet is fine. It's very achievable and not super gimmicky and is based on very reasonable reassessments of fat, not the hardcore "you are fine to eat 100g of fat a day" kind of attitude that you get from the keto crew. There isn't really one Mediterranean diet and it certainly isn't low carb (which the bits from Mosely's website seem to indicate it is).
So, no, honestly I don't think much of Mosely and I'm very sorry you're in this situation, that sucks and I hate that they're refusing you treatment until you undergo an exceptionally difficult and potentially harmful weight loss excursion.
I know you're probably stuck with that and it's bullshit and I think it fucking sucks and unfortunately the medical advice you're likely to get is "eat in a significantly disordered manner at least until it is time for surgery" and it blows. That just fucking sucks.
If you're looking for rapid weight loss that you don't plan to sustain (and you shouldn't plan to sustain it, it won't stay off) you may want to look into body building forums for how they discuss cuts. It's still disordered eating and it's still not healthy, but at least they're effective and can tell you what supplements will keep you from becoming malnourished while you prepare for surgery. This is a terrible idea. I don't actually want to give this advice to anyone but bodybuilders are the exact kind of people who know how far and how fast they can push weight loss while having an awareness that it isn't really good for them and it won't stay off.
I cannot overstate enough how much I hate the thought that people are being encouraged to rapidly starve themselves in order to prepare to recover from surgery. I am so sorry and I'm so mad and
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happyk44 · 1 year
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Jasico prompt for @butt-puncher based off this tweet
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Leo peered over Jason's head. "Who's XghostkingX?" His chin came to rest on Jason's shoulder. "Sounds likely a freaky dude."
Jason swiped away the notification and kept watching the dog training video Piper sent with the caption "You" and a pink heart emoji. "Just this guy who sends me recipes." Jason frowned as the video ended and typed a quick rebuttal back at Piper that just because the dog was a golden retriever did not mean it was him. "I don't know him."
Leo's breath went hot against his cheek. "Then why," Leo said, drawing out the "I" sound for as long as his breath lasted. He rolled over, locking his head backwards over Jason's shoulder, face to the curling and finally inhaled. Coughing briefly, he continued, "is he DMing you?" Leo flicked his cheek. "What, he is a potential booty call?"
Jason scowled. "I don't do that, Leo."
"You should," Leo huffed. "I got pegged on Tuesday by a hottie boom-booty and her boyfriend. All with the sweet send of a "You down to clown?" meme."
Rolling his eyes, Jason shifted ever so slightly and grinned when Leo slid off his shoulder and crashed to the ground. "You give all aroace people a bad name."
From the ground, Leo swatted at Jason's ankles. "Just because I don't get the attraction part doesn't mean I don't know what good feels like. And there are some angles only the thick fingers of a college football player can hit, alright?'"
Jason snorted and opened up Instagram. He switched to the messages section and clicked the top one. A link to a recipe popped up. Above it were a thousand other recipe links. No messages, no words, no comments.
Just other people's posts.
Jason didn't know who this Nico guy was. It was spring break in his sophomore year of high school. His step-mom dragged them all out to some meditative retreat that banned all use of electronics. It was supposed to be some kind of spiritual cleanse. All Jason remembered was doing yoga, eating really bland meals, and Thalia sneaking out of their room through the window in the middle of the night and coming back six hours later smelling like weed and wearing someone else's bra.
She had a lot more fun than he did.
But when he finally got his phone back, he had twenty-three messages from XghostkingX, all recipe posts from different accounts. He checked out the account, trying to figure out who "Nico" was. But the account was private. He checked out the recipes too. They weren't weird. Seemed like completely normal recipes. Bread, pasta, Mexican dishes, Indian dishes, pastries, keto, high protein, vegeterian. Pretty much everything except Italian.
Which Jason found interesting. He wanted to ask about it but...
He turned and flashed a sprawled out Leo the messages. "They're just recipes. He started sending them to me when I was on that no-phones thing with my family."
Leo snatched the phone from him and begin scrolling at top speed. "Wasn't that, like, five years ago?" Jason shrugged. Leo stared at him unamused. "Seriously, man? And you haven't said anything?" He shook the phone. "You don't even know this guy!"
Jason reached for his phone but Leo rolled away, spring up to his feet. "Leo, give me my phone."
"Just one second," Leo said, very clearly typing something.
"Do not talk to him, Leo!" Jason shouted, shooting out of his chair and towards his best friend.
"I'm just gonna hit him up!" Leo yelled as he scrambled away on his gangly twig legs. "See what's up!"
Jason grabbed a pillow off his bed and hurled it at Leo through the doorway. Leo squawked loud, without dignity, as it beamed him in the back of the head and knocked him down. Darting through the doorway, Jason threw himself over Leo. All the air fwooshed out of his lungs.
Grunts and grounds filled the air as they wrestled for the phone. Leo curled inwards of himself. Jason rolled him over onto his back. Leo kicked at him. Grabbing at his legs, Jason pinned him down and started tugging at his arms. He ripped the phone of Leo's hands and sat on his chest in retaliation.
Leo spread his hands behind his head and fluttered his eyelashes, before wheezing, "Why, why Mr. Grace, you're so forward."
Jason shoved his foot in Leo's face. Leo shouted and slapped it away with spluttering indignation. "Fuck off and suffocate, Valdez." He turned to his phone. His heart exploded in his chest. Panic induced upwards his throat. "Oh my fucking gods, Leo." He shoved both his feet into Leo's face again, kicking at his jaw.
Ignoring Leo's protesting yells, Jason scanned the string of messages in the chat. The first one started off okay. Yo, who is this? Then they slowly began to deteriorate into complete nonsense. Probably as Jason and Leo were fighting over the phone.
Crap, crap, crap, he thought, as he began typing out apologies.
Sorry for that, it was my friend, he was wondering why you keep DMing me even though we don't know each other. He sent the text and closed out of the app before planting both feet beside Leos face and flaring down at him.
Jason bonked him again then twitched as his phone buzzed. The notification read XghostkingX sent you a message. Leo squirmed under Jason's weight. "Did he respond? Is he telling you why he keeps sending you messages? Is he hot?"
Leo batted his eyelashes Sweetly. Jason bonked him on the head with his phone. "I am going to eat you one day, Leo."
"I don't care what you do to me, so long as I get to come first," Leo said.
Jason swatted at him as he opened up the text.
Haha, no problem. I was wondering when you were going to say something. I'm Nico. Sorry for all the recipes. I was sick with the flu and couldn't remember how to save them to my notes app. I meant to send them to my sister, but I messed up on her username. I'm dyslexic. Powered through it but it does get worse when I can't think straight. Actually using speech to text right now. Filling in the punctuations after the fact. Anyway, you never said anything so I just kept saving there here to refer back to. Kind of easier than opening my notes app all the time to be honest.
Another text popped up. A picture this time. Followed by a series of more pictures. All of food. Jason recognized some of them from the recipes he'd clicked through out of curiosity. The plating was different. A little less professional, but they looked just as good as they had in the videos.
Some of the photos had a cute boy in the background. He presented the plates with a shy look on his face. His dark shaggy hair was pulled back in a few photos.
Some of my successes, the next message read.
Quickly Jason texted back, Is that you?
Yeah, Nico's reply read. My sister took them to send to my grandma in Venice. I usually just photograph the food. I have other pictures on my page. You can follow if you want.
Jason didn't hesitate before replying, Okay.
He clicked Nico's username and hit the follow button before waiting patiently. A second later the page opened up for him. Nico had a lot of pictures of food, dogs, paintings. There were few pictures of him as Jason scrolled mindlessly through his accounts. The ones that did feature him were always flocked by two other girls - one white and tall, with a braid tucked over her shoulder and fierce eyes, the other short and black with a wide smile, typically tucked under one of their arms.
Jason clicked on a picture of what looked to lasagna roll-up but much fancier and sent it to the chat. That looks good. I don't remember seeing a post for it.
That's my grandma's recipe, Nico typed back. It's a chicken cannelloni. Trade secret though. Can't give it to you. There was a brief lull before another message popped up. But I could make it for you, if you're interested. Make up for spamming you these last five years. Laughing face emoji.
Jason paused. Then, Does it travel well? Who knows if the USPS will keep it fresh.
My dad lives in the Bay Area, Nico replied with a laughing face emoji. And I'm here for the next couple months. Another brief pause while Jason's mind caught up with the air in his lungs. If you didn't want people to know where you lived, you shouldn't post pictures of yourself at university. Congrats on your win by the way.
A deep heat crossed Jason's face. So Nico had checked out his page? What did he think of the personality Jason exhibited through carefully selected photographs and captions? Did he think he was cool?
Beneath him Leo was still struggling and wheezing. Jason ignored him as he typed. I'd be creeped out, but that cannoli thing looks too good, so yeah, why not?
Nico's reply was a cute smiley emoji. Here's my number, he wrote. Call me when you wanna come over. Takes a while to make the pasta from scratch but I'm sure I can keep you entertained. Another smiling emoji.
Jason swallowed around his rising emotions. Sounds good. I'll let you know when I'm free.
A thumbs up and another smiley face.
Finally, he slid off of Leo's chest and landed on the hardwood floors. Leo inhaled dramatically then coughed rapidly before flipping over to his stomach. He groaned as he pushed himself up to his knees. Jason exited the chat.
"So, you getting that dick or what?" Leo drawled. Jason shoved him back as he laughed deliriously.
"Shut up." He pushed up to a stand and dragged Leo off the floor. "He's gonna make me one of his recipes."
"Ahh, dinner date."
Jason cuffed Leo's shoulder before wrapping him in a headlock. Leo laughed boisterously and didn't fight back. Instead he licked a long line down Jason's arm. Jason rolled his eyes and pinched his ear before letting him go.
"It's not a date." He smoothed down his shirt and began looking through his calendar. "He's just trying to make up for spamming me these last five years."
"Uh huh," Leo said, with a twinkle in his eyes that Jason sometimes loved and sometimes hated.
"Yeah, uh huh," Jason muttered back.
Another notification popped up. Without a second thought, Jason clicked it. A picture of a small cake with elaborate icing work and chocolate drips. Nico was in the background, crouched low so all you could see was his face, flour in his hair, a little bit of icing smeared on his cheek. He was smiling wide, eyes glancing up at the person taking the picture. Underneath the photo were the words, For dessert?
Jason hearted the photo immediately and wrote, Sounds good. It looks delicious.
Leo leaned over his shoulder. "He does look pretty delicious."
Jason swatted him away, cheeks burning. "Fuck off, Valdez." Leo cackled behind him before jogging back into Jason's bedroom. Jason turned back to the photo. Nico did look really nice. Messy in a cute way.
Maybe if Jason played his cards right, he could score more than a free dinner and a cute dessert.
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remcycl333 · 2 years
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define: mental diet 🐞
first, let’s remind ourselves what a “diet” is. say you’re going to do the keto diet: this means you would only eat high-fat foods and you would not consume carbohydrates. a mental diet is similar, but with thoughts: you only think thoughts that indicate you have your desire, and you don’t think thoughts that indicate you do not.
whenever a negative thought pops up, we flip it and affirm the opposite. so, say you’re manifesting money. if you think “ugh im so broke”, you immediately flip that thought and say, “no i’m not, im actually richer than elon musk!” the positive thoughts cancels out the negative one.
on a mental diet, we observe our thoughts and we do not allow ourselves to dwell in the old story.
thinking negative thoughts is a habit, and you can easily break it. the first few days of your mental diet might be a little tough, but as you continue to monitor your thoughts you will see that you will naturally start thinking positively towards your desire, and the negative thoughts will pop up less and less. 
thinking negative thoughts, doubting, worrying, dwelling in the old story, etc, can be comforting and familiar because you’re used to it. but if you put yourself on a mental diet and really work to force yourself to only think positively towards your desire, it gets easier and easier and eventually, thinking positively becomes a habit. and soon enough you won’t even have to try anymore.
a mental diet can really speed up the manifesting process because by only thinking one certain way, an assumption forms quicker because you’re not constantly going back and forth all day long between living in the end and dwelling in the old story.
a mental diet is not required, but it’s really helpful and encouraged!!
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thelcsdaily · 1 year
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Basil Pork and Zucchini Stir Fry
Speed and taste are objectives. Cooking delicious food doesn't have to take all day. Streamlining the process to allow me to quickly replicate delicious dishes without a lengthy ingredient list.
“One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.” – Luciano Pavarotti
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libertbill · 8 months
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Keto and Vegan diet malnutrition speed run
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cookingfoodsblog · 7 months
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Chocolate Peanut Butter Lava Cakes
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Prep: 20 minutes Cook: 15 minutes Serves - 4
These easy Chocolate Peanut Butter Lava Cakes give the feel of a 5-star restaurant in the comfort of your own home. They’re delicious, indulgent, and shockingly simple! I’ve added another twist – peanut butter – and it’s so good! 
Why You’ll Love this Peanut Butter Lava Cake Recipe:
Intense flavors: Rich chocolate and creamy peanut butter combine to make one decadent dessert.
Easy: They look gorgeous, with a melty middle, but are pretty simple to make. They go from pantry to table in around 30 mins. 
Restaurant quality dessert: Single servings, great for impressing at dinner parties.
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9 Ingredients
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder 5 grams
5 tablespoons all-purpose flour 38 grams, divided
9 tablespoons unsalted butter 127 grams, room temperature and divided (1⅛ sticks)
6 ounces German baking chocolate 170 grams, chopped (SEE NOTE)
3 tablespoons creamy peanut butter 51 grams (SEE NOTE)
1 tablespoon powdered sugar 7 grams
½ cup granulated sugar 100 grams
3 large eggs 150 grams, room temperature
1 pinch kosher salt
Recommended Equipment
Kitchen Scale (optional)
4 Ramekin(s)
Hand Mixer
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Instructions
Step 01
Preheat the oven to 425°F.
Step 02
Spray each ramekin with nonstick spray/olive oil. Mix 1 tablespoon of flour with the cocoa powder. Coat the inside of each ramekin with this flour mixture and tap off the excess.1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder,5 tablespoons all-purpose flour
Step 03
In a medium saucepan, melt 1 stick (8 tablespoons) of butter with the German chocolate over very low heat, stirring occasionally. Once it is melted and mixed completely, take it off the heat and allow to cool for a couple minutes.9 tablespoons unsalted butter,6 ounces German baking chocolate
Step 04
In a medium bowl, using a hand mixer, blend the peanut butter with the powdered sugar and the remaining 1 tablespoon of butter. Set aside.3 tablespoons creamy peanut butter,1 tablespoon powdered sugar
Step 05
In another bowl, use a hand mixer to beat the granulated sugar with the eggs and salt at medium-high speed until thick and pale yellow, around 3 minutes. Turn off the mixer and fold in the chocolate, using a spatula. Blend until no streaks remain. Fold in the remaining flour and salt, and mix until smooth.½ cup granulated sugar,3 large eggs,1 pinch kosher salt
Step 06
Spoon two-thirds of the batter into the prepared ramekins, then place a large spoonful of the peanut butter mixture into the middle. Top with more chocolate batter. Leave about 2 centimeters at the top of the ramekin to allow for the cake to rise.
Step 07
Bake for 14-16 minutes, or until the top is crispy/cracked and the middle is still slightly jiggly. Take out of the oven and allow to cool for about 10 minutes.
Step 08
Run the tip of a thin knife around each cake to loosen. Invert a small plate over each cake and using pot holders, invert again. Carefully lift the ramekins off the hot cakes.
Step 09
Dust the warm cakes with powdered sugar and serve right away. These are also great with vanilla ice cream!
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Becky’s tips
German baking chocolate is already sweetened, so resist the urge to add more sugar to these cakes.
Low-fat peanut butter works fine in this recipe.
Prepare the ramekins as described to prevent the cakes from sticking.
Feel free to use a different nut butter for this dessert.
Make sure to let the cakes cool for 10 minutes before removing them from the ramekins.
Serve with powdered sugar. (Ice cream is also a great option.)
Storage: 
Store chocolate peanut butter lava cakes in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 5 days. Gently reheat before enjoying.
Nutrition Information
Serving: 1cake Calories: 738kcal (37%) Carbohydrates: 60g (20%) Protein: 12g (24%) Fat: 52g (80%) Saturated Fat: 28g (175%) Polyunsaturated Fat: 4g Monounsaturated Fat: 16g Trans Fat: 1g Cholesterol: 210mg (70%) Sodium: 123mg (5%) Potassium: 398mg (11%) Fiber: 5g (21%) Sugar: 44g (49%) Vitamin A: 1011IU (20%) Calcium: 64mg (6%) Iron: 4mg (22%)
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Keto Diet The Step by Step Keto Cookbook to Gain Ketosis
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Keto Diet The Step by Step Keto Cookbook to Gain Ketosis
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abdi9 · 11 months
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How ccan I get into ketosis quickly?
Ready to Jumpstart your weight loss journey with a keto diet? Download our free keto ebook here
To achieve ketosis quickly, you can follow these guidelines:1. Restrict Carbohydrate Intake: The key to entering ketosis is to limit your carbohydrate consumption. Reduce your carb intake to around 20-50 grams per day. This forces your body to start using stored fat for energy.2. Increase Healthy Fat Intake: Replace the calories from carbohydrates with healthy fats. Focus on sources like avocados, nuts, seeds, olive oil, coconut oil, and fatty fish. These fats will provide energy and support ketone production.3. Moderate Protein Intake: While protein is essential, excessive intake can hinder ketosis. Consume a moderate amount of protein, typically around 0.6-1 gram per pound of lean body mass. This helps prevent the body from converting protein into glucose.4. Stay Hydrated: Drink plenty of water to stay hydrated. It supports overall health and helps prevent potential side effects such as constipation, which can occur during the transition to ketosis.5. Incorporate Exercise: Regular physical activity can help deplete glycogen stores and speed up the process of entering ketosis. Engage in aerobic exercises or resistance training to enhance fat burning.6. Intermittent Fasting: Consider incorporating intermittent fasting into your routine. Fasting for a specific window of time, such as 16-18 hours, can deplete glycogen stores and promote ketone production.7. Be Patient: Achieving ketosis is a metabolic process that takes time. It typically takes a few days to a week for your body to adapt and enter ketosis. Be consistent with your low-carb, high-fat diet and lifestyle changes to increase your chances of success.Remember to consult with a healthcare professional or nutritionist before making any drastic changes to your diet, especially if you have any underlying health conditions. They can provide personalized guidance and monitor your progress.
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dearimasu · 8 months
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wholesome 100 reddit gold certified awesome skibidi toilet garten of banban bfdi mouth pea wojak pizza tower poopy shittime roblox doors rainbow friends gay sex yaoi mpreg elon musk cuteness overload rizz god pibby ohio carrd chrissy wake up oomf proshipper dream not found i’m the biggest bird gyatt griddy blud canon event bing chilling light skin stare grimace shake i show speed skibidi toilet sigma goofy ahh fediblock bombastic side eye toxic yuri fnaf r/aita reddit lost media walten files flamingo chicago lankybox why are you always chasing me tyler the creator falling from the sky okokok lalala cringe based shrek queen elizabeth tiktok keto tbh creature among us in real life among us in real redpilled twitter doge
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The Ultimate Keto Meal Plan (Get Your Keto Meal Plan Book) To Lose Weight Quickly.
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Today, I’ve rounded up 21 of my favorite keto dishes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You’re going to want to bookmark this list, as these recipes are totally drool-worthy.
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ghali45 · 1 year
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thelcsdaily · 1 year
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Portuguese BBQ
One of those locations is The Pit, where the smokey smells tempt you inside to have a look. You'll add their number to your speed dial once you've finished all that BBQ. If you want to try some delicious BBQ or are seeking for a new restaurant to add to your list of must-try locations, look no further. The Pit is your best bet.
“Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It's a grain. It's like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem.” ― James Patterson
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bodyboostbro · 1 year
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askdurianrider · 1 year
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If eating fat makes people fat, as you and Freelee the Banana Girl claim, then why are those on high fat diets such as carnivore and keto able to lose weight and keep it off?
The ones I know IRL are fat as fuck and keep getting fatter each year. The lean ones dont eat high fat. They just do on camera. Look at the speed eating eaters how slim they are. They vomit back stage or when the camera is off.
PEOPLE DO CRAZY SHIT FOR CLOUT AND CASH MAN!
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un-nonymous · 2 years
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Have you ever seen someone in like, head-to-toe (shoulder-to-thigh?) spanx, but without the bra part? It’s like a BYOB (bra) situation? It’s not great.
Anyway, my best friend’s wedding is this Saturday in Chicago and we leave at 6am Thursday. I need 8 more days to be ready for the trip.
It’s been so long since I’ve written over here that I was excited to fill in the “Listening to:” field. That’s … never been a thing here. Livejournal. Twenty (20) years ago. It’s fine. You should listen to this song though.
youtube
I don’t care about no hoes, where is your spouse at?
Red text!
(Personally, I truly don’t care about no hoes nor spouses. In fact I’m very actively trying to become a spouse myself, for fuck’s sake.)
So I’m a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding this weekend and I love her but she did us all dirty with the color of these dresses. It’s like a smoky lavender - the kind that looks good on no one. We were able to choose our own style at least, but they are all relentless and unforgiving. I am wearing head-to-toe spanx (BYObra) and you can see like, the line of the contour? on the thigh? And it’s not because I have thick legs. I mean, it’s because the material of the dress is almost as though it was stuck to you, but it flows nicely in a breeze. I don’t know. I’ve also lost a bunch of weight since June (thanks, keto!) and that honestly helps me feel better about the dress. I took selfies tonight, even! Maybe I’ll post one.
This has been a hard week. Since Friday, I: organized and attended yet another suicide prevention training at work; unexpectedly found myself needing to support a dear coworker towards the end of that training class because he had been struggling with all the thoughts we’d been talking about for 2 hours and needed to step outside to cry and asked if I would join him (a senior general superintendent); attended a coworker’s wedding with another coworker, got drunk for the first time in a while and lost the latter coworker’s sunglasses before raising my voice at a third coworker who was getting mouthy with me; had what would have been the worst hangover of my life Sunday if it weren’t for Amazon’s party patches*; have been running around with my hair on fire at the office for both 10+ hour days I’ve had today and yesterday.
That whole thing was all about work. I’m working on that, but now’s not a good time for progress.
Seriously though, look up “party patches” on Amazon. Slap 2 of them on you (gonna do 3-4 for this weekend’s festivities, I have to be in proper shape for Nine Inch Nails at Riot Fest on Sunday #priorities) and while they won’t always stop a hangover from happening (I mean honestly how do you stop a speeding train, you know?), they will help you avoid an ambulance at least. Ask me how I know. Look for the blue and orange packages. They’re just vitamins, I don’t know what kind of witchcraft they’re about otherwise but they’re like $30 for I want to say 40-something patches? You really can’t put a price on magic.
(Ok here’s how I know: The last time I got that hungover, it was the morning after Matt and I got into a big argument about something stupid in public and I was crying at the table quietly but also pretty dramatically and the server had just approached with the check that I stubbornly insisted on paying. I could not pick my head up off the pillow the next morning and it took us 3 weeks to finally reach the end of the conversation because I was so embarrassed that I cried at a server as a 37-year-old woman for really the dumbest reason. I’m really fun to date. Fortunately he and I were genuinely fine those 3 weeks, we aren’t about grudges which has probably done a world of good for our 5-year run so far. But I was wearing 0 party patches that night. I currently have 2.7 packs for the bridal party and maybe the groomsmen if they’re acting right.)
Matt is standing up in the wedding too and we’re going to walk down the aisle together. I hope at least a couple people throw shoes at him. Gently, because he is a gem, but he needs a kick in the ass and he knows it.
Hope you and yours are loving your adventures lately. 🖤
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celinaroy · 1 year
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