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shreddedparchment · 3 years

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A Wife for Thor Pt.19

The True Heir

03/09/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader Word Count: 5,781

Warnings: angst, depression, pregnancy, marital troubles, pining

A/N: There is very little editing. Forgive me. I’m sleepy. I’ve been up writing all night. I’ve also been hurting, but it’s all good! I’m so happy to get this chapter out. *insert evil laugh* If you happen to reblog, thank you so much for helping me spread my work! it truly means so much, more than you know. xoxo

Sunday

Today you do nothing.

You’d opened up your laptop last night and attempted to scribble a few lines for your next book, but all you could think about was Thor, Jane, the babies to come, and where exactly you fit amongst all of it.

After typing Thor’s name along with a few other random words for the tenth time, you gave up and shut the laptop. You’d crawled into bed, bundled up under your fluffy comforter, and bid goodbye to the world as you caved in to unconsciousness.

The fact that morning is here, you find that your hope for today to be better than yesterday was silly. How can anything ever be good again?

You place your hands on your lower tummy, caressing what feels like a very slight swell. It’s just barely harder than the rest of your stomach. Firm. Despite the happiness that your baby brings you, you stare across the room at your computer and can’t find it in you to get up and work.

Instead you roll over onto your other side and pull Thor’s--that is to say, the one he’d used while he was here--pillow over to cling to.

Thor’s texts are also still fresh in your mind.

Sleep didn’t dull their effect on you or the confusion they raised.

Did they mean that he wouldn’t get an annulment? That’s sorta what you were getting from them. His declarations that he couldn’t live without you and that he would die for you and that he missed you so much at his side sounded like he was also telling himself how he felt. As if he were, not so much convincing, but reaffirming what he already knew.

You reach over and switch your phone on, clicking through to your messages to find that Thor must have stolen his phone back from Loki at some point.

Thor: Good morning, my cherub. I hope you slept well.

Thor: I could hardly sleep with you absent beside me.

Thor: Our bed is too big without you in it.

Thor: Have you seen the doctor yet? You’ll text me as soon as you get a diagnosis, won’t you? I’ll be waiting.

Thor: Loki insists that I give you some distance to rest but being apart from you is torture.

Thor: Would you be very angry with me if I came to see you?

Thor: I have some things I must deal with here before I can go though. Loki is right. I should allow you rest and fix things here before I come to you.

Thor: Are you still sleeping, cherub? I’m sorry if my messages are disturbing you. I haven’t gone this long without talking to you since...I wish I’d met you years ago. When things weren’t so complicated.

Thor: Would you have let me court you even though I am the God of Thunder? Future King of Asgard? Would you have married me when I came back with my people to live here on Earth?

Thor: I think if I had to choose all over again, you’re still the only woman equal to the task of being my Queen.

Thor: And the love that has grown between us is...I will never take it for granted…

As you read that last message, you assume he wants to say he won’t take it for granted again. He’s already let it slip through his fingers, although he doesn’t know it yet.

Thor: Perhaps this can be that break you were talking of. For our baby? Maybe we do need a little bit of relaxation to let our bodies recover?

Thor: And yet, I can’t wait to start a family with you, cherub.

You’re bawling all over again, your eyes flooding with tears as you bury your face into his pillow and sob loudly.

He’d said that he missed your body next to his. You can relate. You want to feel the heavy fall of his chest, the deep breaths that fill his lungs and escape through his lips in a quiet little snore that always makes you cuddle into his side.

Normally, he’d respond by turning to face you and holding you right up against his chest.

The comfort that simple thing would give you right now when your heart is aching so painfully is what you so desperately need. But...you’re so angry too. You don’t want him near you.

The images that flood your mind are torture. Mixtures of pleasant, happy moments now marred by the betrayal and anger that has taken hold of your heart.

You bury your face into the pillow and scream until your throat really does go hoarse. Frustration at the force of change you’ve had to make in the past twenty-four hours.

You’re startled back to the present when your phone rings. You make a small attempt to clear your throat then answer and the absolute gravel voice you use settles any wondering as to whether your illness is real.

“Hello?” you whisper, clearing your throat to no avail.

“Oh, cherub, you sound terrible.”

Your heart panics. How are you supposed to talk to him?

You don’t want to talk to him.

“I can’t really talk,” you say weakly hoping he’ll take the hint.

“Did the doctor see you already?” Thor asks, his worry evident in the quiet tone of his voice.

“Yes, he gave me some medicine and told me to try not to talk,” you lie, surprisingly easy right now since you don’t want to talk.

For your emotional sanity, you need to hang up soon.

“I’m so sorry, love. I wish I could take this illness from you. Where’s David? I’d like to talk to him.”

You panic again, floundering as you cough and clear your throat to buy some time.

“He’s not here. He went to the store to get some groceries,” you hope he buys it.

“I’ll call him a little later then. If you need anything, let me know. I’ll get it for you.”

“Thanks, Thor,” you mumble, suddenly not wanting to hang up.

How can one person give you so much ease and worry all at once? How can he be your source of agony and comfort at the same time? It’s not fair.

“I have so much to tell you, but...now is not the right time. You need to get better first.”

Nevermind! Fuck this guy. Your heart sinks.

“I have to go,” you tell him, hoping he’ll just hang up and leave you be now.

“Very well. I love you, cherub.”

How do you answer him without giving anything away just yet?

“Me too,” you choose. And it’s true.

Even if he’s torn your heart into pieces, he’s still the father of your baby and you still love him.

Whatever madness overcame him when he’d suggested to Loki getting an annulment was the best course of action seems to have passed. Loki must be right about him.

“Bye, Thor,” you whimper.

“Bye, Y/N,” he says your name, making your heart quake a bit.

You hang up and quickly dial up David.

He answers after two rings.

“Hello? How is my favorite girl in the whole wide world?”

He sounds amused by something, or just happy. It’s such a difference to how you feel at the moment that it breaks you and you sob again, renewing your tears.

“Y/N? What’s the matter?” David demands, clearly now beginning to fret over the way you sound.

You tell him everything. Somehow you manage to get it all out minus one important detail and when you’re done recounting the most horrible night of your life, David sighs heavily and you can almost picture him settling into a deep armchair with massive worry weighing on his shoulders.

“Well, the good thing is, if he goes through with an annulment, you’re to be given a monthly allowance for the rest of your life. It was a condition in your contract, should Thor change his mind about marrying you. But he didn’t so it was moot, until now. You will be a very rich woman. More so than the small fortune you originally inherited.

“I know that money is hardly a consolation for the man that you love-” David sighs again. “Perhaps he said it in madness? He must have been very upset. Caught by surprise?” David offers.

“Even if he doesn’t mean it or doesn’t go through with it, I know that for you the point is the thought was there.

“However, I do think we must make allowances for Thor. I’m sorry to say. He is a king and he’s responsible for his entire people. A baby would give them security. Stability. A legitimate heir would tie them to Earth forever.

“We musn’t make light of his choices. This isn’t a common situation to find one’s self in. For either of you.”

“David, I’m pregnant.” You finally explain, knowing that it will maybe just show him a little bit more of what you’re facing. “I went to tell Thor and that’s when I overheard them.”

For a moment he’s speechless. When he speaks again, his voice is heightened.

“Congratulations! I-I knew it would happen eventually. The timing is a little-”

“I haven’t told him yet, clearly.”

Silence again. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I was so happy when I went to tell him and then I heard their conversation and I-I just can’t find the strength to do it right now. Not until I know whether he wants the annulment.”

David breathes in deeply and then exhales slowly into the phone. His breath is light and soft.

“You’re afraid that he will only stay with you because of the child,” a statement.

David knows you better than anyone else in your life. It’s not surprising that he’d make the leap so quickly.

“He’s willing to leave me and marry Jane because of her baby. It’s possible that he’ll stay by my side only because of our baby and I’d rather he do what’s best for our people than to stay with me because of a sense of obligation.”

“It could be that Jane will not want him. She might keep her child away from the Asgardian royal court. Didn’t she refuse to marry him because she didn’t want to be Queen?” David’s voice is pensive. “This might all feel much larger than it is. I suggest you take some time to really think through your actions before making any decisions.”

“I’m not going to never tell him, David. He’s the father of my child. He has to know that he has two and not just the one. I don’t think I could do that to him. I could never keep him from his children.

“Either of them.”

“You are magnanimous, Y/N. More than even I thought you were capable of.”

“Bullshit. I ran away and am refusing to see him until I get my week of space,” you nod firmly. “But David-?”

“Tell me,” he urges you, recognizing your tone of anguish.

“I-I know that I accepted this marriage hesitantly. It wasn’t like I asked for it and you know how I felt before Thor asked me to marry him. You know how s-scared I was about marrying someone who was in love with someone else, and now...now he’s-”

“He’s married to you, Y/N. Not Ms. Foster. And from what I have been able to see, he does love you. Not Jane. This is a temporary setback. If you’re angry at him, be angry at him. Don’t pretend you aren’t. If you’re hurt, show it. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

“Loving someone is one of life’s greatest blessings. Sometimes that love doesn’t last, sometimes it takes a beating. But you must choose whether your love is worth fighting for.

“You’ve also got obligations that you cannot escape from. Duties to your people as their Queen.”

“Assuming Thor doesn’t leave me and take my crown,” you scoff.

“I’m with your brother-in-law. I don’t think it will come to that. I think Thor was a little shocked and thrown by Ms. Foster’s news. Now that he has had some time to think, I believe he’ll do right by you and when you tell him, your child.”

“I won’t tell him until he makes up his mind,” you insist.

“That is your prerogative. Do what you need to. What can I do to help? What do you need from me?”

“Just be prepared for any eventuality. I’m not sure what’s going to happen at the end of this week. Oh, and if Thor calls you--just make something up and tell me what you say. He thinks you drove me from the airport and have been staying with me.”

“Using me as your alibi so that your husband won’t come looking for you,” David clicks his tongue. “How much detail shall I give him?”

“You’ve got a job too, just tell him you’re coming and going. Tony had his staff install some security on the house after the honeymoon. I’m safe here. He’ll believe that I’m safe if that’s all you say.

“Anyway, I need to go. I have two more calls to make before I can relax and enjoy my break from the throne.”

“If you need anything, you know how to reach me. Anything, Y/N. I mean it.”

“Thanks, David. I can always count on you,” you smile.

Just a tiny one. A very subtle curve at the corners of your lips.

“Well, you do pay me,” he jokes, which actually pulls a small laugh from you.

“Right. Bye, David.”

“Goodbye, Your Majesty.”

You take only a minute to think about your conversation with David before you make the most important calls of your week in solitude.

The first one is simple. Just a reminder of doctor-patient confidentiality. He understands what you’re saying even if he doesn’t practice by that mentality.

Dr. Wilson’s phone call is more difficult. She wants an explanation. She wants to know why she’s not allowed to tell your husband, the King of New Asgard, that he’s finally got what you and he have been wanting.

An heir!

It’s painful to talk about but you tell her what’s happened. You tell her that Thor doesn’t know that you know about Jane’s baby.

She’s very quiet as you talk. She assumes things and you can hear her anger when she starts to ask for what she can tell Thor.

“He didn’t cheat on me, Dr. Wilson,” you explain, hoping that this will ease her anger.

You’re angry at Thor because of the annulment, not because he and Jane have created a life from their love. You’re hurt because he’s willing or was willing--you’re not sure yet--to leave you to be with Jane, even if not for love but for the baby growing within her.

You’re hurt because the man you love was choosing his duty over his feelings for you.

Even though you know that he’s right to do it. Even though you know that you should understand because he’s King and you also took an oath to put the people of New Asgard first.

It’s your duty to put their well-being before your own. That doesn’t mean you have to like it.

In Thor’s mind, his only duty is to his child. Jane’s child. He doesn’t know you’re carrying one of your own yet. Even though that would probably make sure that he stays with you because of the baby, you don’t want that to be the reason he stays.

Proud fool.

“Thor slept with Jane the same night he proposed to me. This was before we loved each other, when leaving Jane was the hardest thing he’d had to do. I don’t hold that against him.”

You don’t tell her about the annulment. She doesn’t need to know how messy this all is.

“He’ll probably call for you and Dr. Alric soon. Loki suggested they get Jane checked so act surprised? But please don’t tell him I’m pregnant. Not yet. He’s coming to see me at the end of the week and I’ll tell him myself then. Please?” And it really is a genuine plea.

“I’ll do whatever you need, Your Majesty. I would like to come and check on you. You don’t sound well.”

She’s very sweet and her concern is touching.

“Thor will probably send you to me eventually. He’s worried but he’s clearly got other things on his mind.”

“I’ll make arrangements to head over there tomorrow. Oh, can you hold for one minute Your Majesty? I’m so sorry.”

“Of course.”

There’s silence on the phone for a few minutes before she comes back.

“It was His Majesty. He’s told me about Jane but she’s not available for an examination until later in the week. So, he’s asked me to come to you first. I’ll be there tonight.”

For some reason, the idea of having her with you eases some of the stress you’ve been carrying with you since yesterday.

“I’ll call and have a car sent for you.”

“Actually, His Majesty has promised to bring me straight to you via bifrost.”

“Wait, what?” You sit up in bed, clutching your blanket to your chest as your nerves suddenly fray and panic begins to build up within you.

“Should I come by plane?” She asks, worried by the sound of your voice.

You can’t see Thor. No. You can’t.

“No. I’ll just be going out later tonight to pick up a few things that I need here at the house. Toilet paper, napkins, laundry soap. I just didn’t want you to get here when I was out, but I’ll text you the passcode to get in.”

You’ll just have to make sure that you’re not at home when they come. That’s what you’ll do. This is a perfect excuse to be out since you need to get the stuff you listed anyway.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t just like me to come by plane?”

“No, really. The sooner you get here, the better. The car ride is so long from the airport. I’ll see you tonight, Dr. Wilson.”

“Bye, Your Majesty.”

Even though you know that you have hours upon hours until Thor brings Dr. Wilson here, you force yourself out of bed and abandon your plans to wallow in your feelings so that you can shower, get dressed, and leave the house.

If Thor’s coming, you’re going to be as far away from your house as you can be. You’re not ready to see him again just yet. You only have small errands to run but you’re gonna stay out all damn day if it’s the last thing you do.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday

Thor is at a loss. Completely and utterly lost without you.

If he was ever in doubt as to how he really felt about you--which he never has been because he knows himself well enough to know better--he knows now that you are the light of his new life here on Earth.

His reign would mean significantly less without you at his side.

Even though the time you’ve spent together has been a short few months, they have been the best months of his life.

If he’d had one of those other women he’d interviewed become his Queen, this life he’s chosen to lead would have felt empty and tedious. Instead of watching his Queen spend her time with his people leading the way in progress.

You’re so eager to be part of the Asgardian populace. They’ve embraced you so fully.

With a sigh, Thor leans forward and buries his face into his hands as he mentally trashes himself for the absolute fool that he’s been about this entire situation.

The fact that he’d even entertained the thought of leaving you.

He wants to cry and tear his hair out in frustration.

Should he tell you that the thought was weighed along with many others at Jane’s news?

And Jane.

Thor groans.

She’s been avoiding him since she told him. He can’t exactly blame her for it. He hadn’t exactly taken the news well.

He had no reason to expect her to be receptive to him after he’d basically accused her of being confused about it. She knew her own body. If she said she was pregnant, what reason would he have to doubt her?

He’s messed everything up so much and he’s terrified to tell you about Jane.

What if you have the same idea he did? What if you decide to leave him in some foolish attempt to have him marry her and legitimize his future child?

It’s something you would do. Sacrifice yourself so that he could do the right thing.

The thought of living this life of rule without you at his side is unbearable.

With another frustrated groan, he gets up and moves to pace the length of the room, ignoring the large pile of paperwork on his desk as his mind moves in circles.

It always comes back to you.

And then you’d been out when he’d gone to drop off Dr. Wilson. He hadn’t expected you to be gone. He’d wanted to see you. To hold you. Touch you. Hear your voice after so much turmoil.

You are his only solace.

Going so close to you and not seeing you has left him with a terrible pain in his chest.

His phone rings.

Thor dives for his phone and fumbles with it as he grabs it off the bed. He almost loses it over the opposite edge.

He literally throws himself towards it and lands with a grunt onto the bed as he catches it.

He presses the button on the screen without looking to see who it is because he only wants it to be you.

“Cherub?” he gasps, his voice an octave higher than normal with the little bit of exertion he just underwent.

“Oh, no. Sorry, Your Majesty, it’s Dr. Wilson. I was just calling to give you your daily report on Her Majesty’s health.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. I just haven’t heard from-” He clears his throat, sits up, and slides to the edge of the bed. “No matter. How is my Queen, doctor?”

“She was asleep. But just woke up. She’s very tired. Her throat is better, but she’s had a fever every morning since Sunday.”

Thor sits up straighter, hand clenched into a fist around the edge of the bed as his heart starts to thrum loudly.

“Is she seriously ill?”

“No, of course not, Your Majesty. But she really does need rest. She has been under severe stress and I’m sorry to say that your constant messages are not letting her rest.”

Thor’s heart drops and buries itself into a hole at the bottom of his stomach. He feels numb suddenly, fearful of what he might be doing to you. The guilt of what he knows he must tell you soon also weighs down on him.

“Are you saying that I should leave her be until she is recovered?” Thor checks, just in case he’s not understanding correctly.

“I’m saying that if you want her to get well quickly, you must give her what she asked you for. She needs rest.”

Thor hates that he can’t be there to check on you. He wants to feel you close. He wants to see you. What if you’re deathly ill and you’re telling Dr. Wilson to lie for you?

You abhor lies and cherish honesty , but he can see you lying in order to spare him pain. Just as he is lying to spare you the worry of all this uncertainty with Jane.

Although he knows that he can never lose you now and even with a child coming with Jane, you are his wife and he can’t leave you. He was stupid to think he could even try. The thought was a sin and he’ll never forgive himself for thinking it.

Loki was so angry with him.

Rightfully so.

The good thing is that you’ll never know how bleak things looked. At least he has found his sanity again.

“Will you keep me informed? I’ll stop contacting her if you will promise to tell me how she fares. If she gets worse, I want to know.” Thor insists, his voice passionate and begging.

“You have my word, Your Majesty. Have you heard anything from Ms. Foster? Do we know exactly when we’ll be running her tests?”

“She’s very busy. As of now, it’s looking more and more likely that we won’t be able to find the time until the week’s end. After we confirm her pregnancy, I’ll tell Y/N. I’m sorry that I’ve asked you to collude in this business.”

There’s a long pause and for a moment Thor thinks that maybe the phone has disconnected but then Dr. Wilson sighs, “I cannot wait for this week to be over. Will you come back for me then? When she’s ready?”

“Yes. I’ll pick you up in the same spot that I left you. My wife wasn’t too upset about her lawn, was she? Only, Stark seems to get irritated with me every time I land on his.”

“No,” Dr. Wilson chuckles once. “She was not upset. Again, there’s little more than her throat, head, and fever on her mind. I’ve gotta go. She’s gone out into the garden for some fresh air but I need to get her back into bed.”

“Please take good care of her, doctor. She’s...well, she’s my wife,” Thor finishes heavily.

The phone goes dead and Thor sits there staring at his phone until he can find the strength to get to his feet and go off in search of Jane. They really need to talk.

~~~~~~~~~~

Friday

Thor is upset.

He’s beyond frustrated by now.

He’s irritated.

It’s a week tomorrow since he’s seen you and he can’t stand the distance anymore.

Dr. Wilson snuck him a photo but you’d been sitting on your sofa, looking weak and withdrawn.

He’s not sure what exactly is making you sick, but he knows that he can’t go another day without seeing you.

He needs to get Dr. Wilson back here and he needs to get confirmation so that he can have something to tell you once he sees you.

He won’t lose you over this.

It was one last time. One final goodbye with Jane and he’d thought she was on her birth control but apparently she hadn’t been so he hadn’t bothered to protect himself from the possibility of getting her pregnant.

Why hadn’t she said anything?! Why hadn’t she told him that she wasn’t on her pill?

He knows it’s wrong to blame her. It took both of them to make this baby, but being away from you for so long is wearing thin and he’s losing all semblance of patience.

It takes some very careful maneuvering. Heimdall is sent first, then Hilde, then Loki.

None of them know why they’re going in to corner Jane in the tower except for Loki. Well, Heimdall knows, but there’s no hiding much from Heimdall. He pretends not to know and that’s good enough for Thor.

Loki is just stepping out of the tower when he turns to look at Thor with a grave almost exhausted expression.

“She’s up there,” he assures Thor, frowning as he shuts the heavy door. “When will this end, Thor? Are you going to keep the Queen away forever?”

Thor says nothing, he’s too upset to speak. He pulls the door open roughly and stomps his way up the steps taking them two at a time until he’s standing on the top floor landing.

He can see Jane biting her lip, pacing the length of the room until she turns and finally sees him.

“Thor…” she gasps, not expecting to see him.

“We have to talk, Jane.”

She looks away, turning her back on him then moves towards her laptop which she carefully closes. She puts her hand up to her throat and turns to face him.

“I will have Dr. Wilson brought in and Dr. Alric to give you the same tests they have been giving Y/N. They will be confirming your pregnancy and once we have that, then we can all sit down and figure out-”

“I’m not pregnant,” Jane gasps, her voice filling the room despite the quiet breath that escapes her pink lips.

Thor’s stomach twists. It’s agony.

On the one hand, the words she’s just spoken are...they’re a celebration. They’re simplicity. They’re peace and a return back to normal where in his life there is only you.

On the other hand, he’s just lost a baby he never had. An heir that he’d been expecting and now can never get back.

He’d made plans for this child. He’s pictured his life with them, the happiness and joy that their birth would bring to the people of New Asgard. The assurance that they would always belong to Earth.

He’d picked names for boys and girls. He’d begun to make a list of nursery items they would need even as he lamented that the baby was not yours but Jane’s.

This baby would have, and had already begun to change his life.

And now this?!

“What?” he very nearly spits.

Jane is so flustered she’s wringing her hands hard, welting them red.

“I’m...I didn’t expect to come here and see you with her and see how fast you just-” she waves her hand as if shooing away some animal. “-moved on. It’s like you were never with me.

“You were both so happy and talking about the future and I just lost it for a little bit,” she shrugs. “I have no excuses, Thor. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you. It was selfish of me and I just loved you for so long. You were mine, you know? And now you’re married, planning to have kids, and your wife is so nice and considerate and even though she has every reason to hate me, she was polite and so damn perfect…

“I’m not afraid to say that it made me hate her. I’m ashamed of it, but not enough to take it back.”

The silence is thick. The air suddenly grows charged and Thor’s eyes shine a bright sparkling blue.

His hands crackle and his eye spits as if full of blue fire.

The sky overhead thunders and the world shakes with the boom. The lightning strikes sharp and fast, shaking the tower so that for a moment, Thor can see how Jane thinks it might topple.

His anger gives way to betrayal and his lightning fizzles out as he takes a step towards her, his brow furrowed, eye full of pain as he stares at her, searching for the joke that this must be.

There is no way that this is really happening.

“You lied to me?” Thor accuses.

Jane blanches, her lips going pale as she takes a step towards him.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie, I just-I didn’t want to see you with her anymore and I wasn’t thinking straight so I just said it before I could stop myself. I know that it was wrong and I didn’t think it would go on for so long. I wanted to tell you almost as soon as I said it that it wasn’t true, but then you just took off and then the Queen left and I wasn’t sure if you told her and maybe that’s why she wasn’t here.”

Thor shakes his head, turning away from her as he paces towards the stairs but then turns back, his anger returning but full of pain now.

“I defended you. When Loki insisted I have you tested I asked him if he doubted you and I assured him that you would not lie about something this important. What reason would you have to lie?” he demands, almost of himself instead of Jane.

“Thor,” Jane begins.

“How long were you going to let me think you were carrying my child? How long were you planning to con me?” he accuses and his words seem to hurt Jane.

Thor can’t find it in him to care too much.

“I wasn’t-that’s not what I meant to do, Thor. Please, you have to believe me. I just didn’t know how much seeing you with her would-”

“You have no right to be upset!” he booms, his voice loud and it startles Jane quiet.

She’s never heard him angry like this. She’s never heard his voice raised.

“I gave you every opportunity to be with me, to marry me, to build a life here with me and be my Queen. You didn’t want it! You flat-out refused to be tied down by me and this Kingdom but now that you see me and my wife happy, you change your mind?

“You have the audacity to raise obstacles between us because you have regrets?”

“Thor,” she tries again, but Thor won’t let her speak.

“Get out,” he says sternly, turning to move towards the stairs.

“What?!”

“I said, get out. You are no longer welcome in my home. Pray no one ever finds out of your treachery. And should you have the urge to return for any reason, don’t.”

Thor storms down the steps, so angry that each step shakes the tower.

He’s breathing heavily as he slams the door shut behind him.

The storm air helps to calm him a bit. It clears his mind at least and the past week zooms by him like an unpleasant movie.

All of that worry and the plotting and planning. The agony that he felt wondering if you’d leave him when you found out about his child with Jane was the most unbearable.

Your face flashes before his eyes and he knows that there’s only one place he can be right now.

He throws his hand out and a metallic whistling rushes closer before his fist closes around his hammer.

He swings it firmly and throws it up into the air as he makes for your home.

Now that he has nothing to keep him here, he’s eager to get back to you. He’ll tell you everything and hope that you can forgive him for lying to you about Jane.

Even though it was a lie by omission, it was still a lie.

“I’m coming, my cherub,” he whispers, so eager to have you in his arms again.

Nothing will ever tear him from you again. He is certain. Nothing. Not a false heir, or a former love, no doubts exist within him anymore. You are the one.

The only one.

#king!thor x reader #thor x reader #arranged marriage au #royal au #a wife for thor #king!thor x reader fanfiction #king!thor x reader fanfic #king!thor x reader fic #king!thor x you #thor x reader fanfiction #thor x reader fanfic #thor x reader fic #thor x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #a wife for thor pt19

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trippy-dejun · 2 years

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 2021 Recap+my moots. 🌈✨

So, idk if any of yall remember when my account had a very soft purple theme to it. I made this blog when I was 17, following a pretty bad breakup in February because I found that writing helped me a lot. My blog changed as soon as I turned 18 because the soft theme wasnt really the right vibe and I wanted to try my hand at writing more smut (obviously I like writing angst and more fluffy stuff now and shitposr constantly). I started my blog back in March (dont remember the date) and since then, I never thought I would have as many moots and close friends like I do now. My lovely moots generally hear from me more and I’m so glad that I have them. I’m so thankful to have all you lovely amazing beautiful, and talented people in my life. I also am SO SO sorry if I forgot someone and if I remember tomorrow I will add whoever I forget. Thank you to every single one of you for making my first year on tumblr amazing!

Now for my precious lil moots 💜

@junjungsunwoo My precious little nana counterpart or better known by my I love our facetimes, especially when we call when I’m sketched out about driving places at night or me bugging both you and your sister on facetime. I dont think you know this but you are seriously someone that makes me feel really safe. Safe unless I try to steal sunwoo (and I wont). I am so freaking glad I joined the crackerz discord and joined so many collabs when I first started. I seriously love you so much and deadass you are one of my closest friends online and offline. Deadass a ride or die. Ps- you’re literally gorgeous 💕

@yuta-senpai sweet and slightly cursed sierra 💜 anothwr super gorgeous and amazing personnnn I miss talking to you so much. You are the only moot to know e x a c t l y where I live. I’m so glad we became friends and I still have a lot of screenshots from our cursed kkt conversations. I seriously cant thank you enough for getting me into oneus and dongkiz. I love you so much. I miss hearing about your fansigns and clowning you about minhyuk. I remember joining the frat boi nct collab and being super excited. I think we got closer in crackerz too but i have the memory of a goldfish so I dont particularly rememvsr how long ago it was. But I love how many inside jokes we have and you’re like another big sister to me. I cant wait to talk to you again!!

@symoneismeh MY CHILD ❤️❤️ PROTECT THIS ONE AT ALL COSTS. I remember when this sweet little baby first followed me and was interacting a lit with my posts. Sy’mone, you are literally the sweetest most wholesome person I have ever met. I love the writing sessions we have on discord and talking about anything and everything. Absolute sweetheart.

@daegalfangirl hello my beloved kaydence ❤️❤️ Absolute sweetheart. Idk why but something about kaydence randomly appearing on discord makes my day and I love showing her how genuinely happy I am to see her. Again total sweetheart and I just love her to pieces

@taemin-jaemin/ @babycheese-6v6 : Sarah babyyyy hiii. Sweet baby sarah. Another one I think I randomly joined a collab from that ended up being a fun person to pester. Seriously, this kid puts up with so many antics between me and @jimineos. I never tell you this much but I love talking to you and wish we talked more. I’m so grateful to have you as one of my sweet little moots. You’re so adorable and sweet.

@yeongwvnhi / @chxngyunie : YUGIYUGIIIIII loml ❤️ absolute sweetheart but like where the fuck did they go. yugi is also pretty dear to me because they were one of the first friends I made here. They are super chill and fun and I love making gay jokes with them.

@jimineos my cursed queen, jules ❤️❤️ I met this absolute baddie through baby sarah and we both found our love for writing completely cursed shit while annoying sarah. I love you babyyyyy I wish we talked moreeee!! Maybe we could make a sideblog of cursed writings one day? Highkey love this bitch so much and every time I talk to her she makes me smile and laugh.

@jeontaeil oh my fucking god. I looked up to Charlie so much when I first started writing again. I am so glad that we’re moots and I love the small convos we have and love simping over jake with her. Literally one of the coolest moots ever!! She was one of the first people I ever followed on tumblr and was lowkey one of the blogs that made me want to start writing again. I can’t thank her enough and I can see us being pretty good friends. Charlie is insanely talented and I’d love to get to know her more. Literal queen.

@jaesspresso another one that I first followed here. I have some of the best conversations with Camellia. She’s a beautiful person inside and out and so so talented. She’s one that is like another sister to me and I’m so grateful to have her.

@teailtime has been here for me for some time and puts up with my bullshit. I appreciate her so much and I’m so glad we are moots. I never proper thanked her so now is a really good time to and I did send her an ask and maybe going to slide in dms and say hi. I miss you!!

@intokook another one I would absolutely love to talk to more. Ivy seems so cool!! I have only talked to her a handful of times but her blog is so cool!! I wanna say she was the first or second person I ever followed here but I dont remember haha

@127-mile was one of the first moots. I wanna say I followed her back when my account was a less problematic soft stan account. Emi was so so nice to me when I started out and I’m so so grateful to have been in collabs with her!

@jenossslut Billie!! Hey I always want to reach out to you and say hi but never know what to say. Youre so chill and sweet and I wanna be friends with you.

@oddlittlefandomist my other partner in crime ❤️ I see you in my notifs all the time and never know how to say hello lmao. I believe we bonded over being theatre nerds at some point. You’re a really cool and funny and I love that you encourage my chaos. Sometimes seeing what you put in the tags of posts makes me smile a lot

@hachanbaecon anna ❤️ love her so much!! She’s another one I met through crackerz and I feel like we have chaotic chats anytime we talk. She is also not only super talented but DROP DEAD GORGEOUS

@trashlord-007 MY BELOVED TANAAAAAAA OMFG 💗💗 She tags me in tag games a lot and fun fact: I have A LOT of tag games in my drafts that I somehow forgot to post :’). I really appreciate it because I like being included in getting to know more people. I love and respect tana so so much

@jaxminskale emoLYYYY oh my god where did you GO I miss youuuuu! Okay but absolute sweetheart again. I miss talking to her on discord and she is absolutely amazing.

#trippy-dejun #2022 recap and moot appreciation #my sweet little moots 💗

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writingwithacupoftea · 3 years

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A long overdue post about the future of my blog *please read*

Hello lovely people of tumblr!!

First of all, I hope you’re all doing well and I’m so sorry about my very long silence. I’ve had an absolutely crazy summer with graduating from uni and turning 21, and just generally working on myself and my mental health (very happy to say that I’m the best that I’ve ever been). I’ve also been spending a lot of time thinking about this blog and deciding what I’m going to say in this post.

I made this blog in the early summer of 2020 on a complete whim. I’d just written my first ever fanfic and thought ‘screw this, I’m gonna post it.’ I was blown away by how well it was received, and quickly got the writing bug. So I carried on writing more and more fics, began interacting with other PB blogs both old and new, and essentially fell in love with this little corner of the internet. This all took place during a major lockdown in England, and I cannot even begin to express how much the community that I came to be a part of helped me through that time, so thank you to you all for being so welcoming - you changed my lockdown experience for the better 💖

Many of you will have noticed that, since the end of that summer, this blog has become increasingly inactive. Originally, it was uni that got in the way. Then, when I finally had time to write, I found that I’d lost the writing bug, despite still having a fair few fic ideas in the bank. That takes us to this summer and this message.

So, getting to the point.

This isn’t a goodbye, but this is me signing off as an active blog (if that makes sense). I may still pop on here and reblog some fics, hell I may even one day just randomly decide to write and post a fic - who knows!? I will never delete this blog, but it is now officially going to be inactive for 99% of the time and you shouldn’t expect to see any new content from me.

I have decided to do this for two reasons.

Firstly, in literally 2 weeks I’m going to be starting my training for my dream job and I want to give it all of my time and energy (and tbh if I couldn’t cope with running a blog during my undergrad degree there’s no way in hell I’m going to cope with it during my training year and onwards).

Secondly, the last three months since I finished uni have given me a real love for life. I’m almost overwhelmingly content at the moment and excited for the present and the future. This blog provided me with a place to escape to during lockdown, however my time and commitment to my online life did have a detrimental impact on my ‘real’ life and relationships. That’s not to say that I regret it, because I don’t. But I knew that, for my own happiness, I needed to choose between these two lives, and I would always pick my ‘real’ life. I hope with all my heart that this doesn’t come across as bitchy, and that you get my point.

And I suppose there is a third reason for making this official: I didn’t want to feel like I was letting people down for any longer. I’ve somehow managed to accumulate 612 followers on this little blog of mine, and I didn’t want to keep putting out these ‘I’ll start writing again soon’ messages when it’s highly unlikely that that will happen. For those of you who have been around for a while, thank you for your support and for holding on all this time. For those of you who have followed me recently, I hope I haven’t come as a disappointment to you.

Before I end this ridiculously long post, I want to give a special mention to some of my moots @theshelbyclan @genyaakostyk @thebloodyday @multifandomwriter56 @vostokovasmelina @smallheathgangsters just to name a few. I know there’s so many people that I’ve missed, but I hope you know who you are. Thank you for allowing me to become part of your incredible community, and it’s been a privilege to write alongside you - I’m in awe of you all and wish you all the best for the future 💕💕💕💕

Okay, I think that’s everything. This feels weird and sad, but I know that it is the right decision for me, and I hope you all understand.

Sending my love and gratitude to you all,

Emily x

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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years

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Along the Seashore

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Lilac Allende) Word count: 2K Warning: Language Summary: A moment between the two of them in a Miami beach, before they kissed and everything changed forever. Series: Open Heart from Ethan’s POV

Author’s Note: Sorry that the Miami weekend had to be split into parts. It actually gave me the freedom to write without worrying about the length.

The glittering turquoise waters of the lagoon combined with the gentle breeze sweeping through his hair made it increasingly difficult to remain in a sullen mood after the Declan Nash debacle only minutes prior. It was even more of a challenge to sulk when Lilac strolled by his side along the white beach, looking so beautiful under the Miami sun that his heart tugged with unwelcome yearning. He stole another glance at her without her notice, watching how tendrils of her wavy hair swirled in the breeze. That and the sun kissed patches along her nose and cheekbones made it damn near impossible for Ethan to look away. By the admiration she attracted from others, Ethan was far from the only one to notice.

They had made it several meters down the shore when she finally broke their silence.

“You look hot, Dr. Ramsey.”

He almost froze midstep.

“In that sweater,” she clarified.

Mercifully, he was spared from any type of stammered response when someone whisked him away for conversation. The relief was short-lived when that someone was yet another starstruck colleague, eager to chat his ear off.

By the time he got away twenty minutes later, the young doctor was nowhere to be found. It wasn't until he scanned his surroundings that he found her, being pulled into an outdoor dance floor of some sort at the foot of a nearby hotel. As Ethan approached, he could see the beefy arm around her, belonging to an overly enthusiastic frat boy.

“Baila conmigo, mami.”

“I can't right now, I have work—”

“Then how about later tonight, hermosa?”

“How about never.”

The gruff, murderous words had escaped Ethan before he could stop them.

The cheerful frat boy only laughed, raising his palms in defeat. Probably best, for his sake, because Ethan itched to punch him in his squared jaw.

Lilac, meanwhile, looked mortified as Ethan steered her away.

“Sorry,” she started breathlessly once they had made their way back to the shore. “I know you said this trip was strictly business, but he was so insistent. I wasn’t slacking off or anything—”

Ethan raised a hand to stop her, careful to keep his expression neutral. “Relax, Rookie,” he assured her. “I wasn’t worried about that. I was mostly thinking about you.”

Their eyes met, the true meaning of the words becoming more tangible by the second. Neither the roar of the crashing waves nor the thumping music of the revelry he had pulled her from were enough to mask the tense silence between them.

“You looked uncomfortable,” he blurted out, his voice an octave higher than it should be. The tiny haze was effectively broken with the words.

Perhaps she was uncomfortable then, with him, as he gazed at her with barely controlled longing. He clenched his jaw with the effort, certain now more than ever that she could see just how much he wanted her, and had been wanting her for weeks.

Ethan cleared his throat. “I only meant that even though this is a work trip, you can still enjoy yourself. Particularly when the whole point of being here became moot half an hour ago.” His mind recalled Nash’s triumphant face and Ethan’s fist clenched as a response.

Lilac offered him a sympathetic smile, placing a warm hand on his forearm and scalding him more than the blazing sun above their heads ever could. It took every ounce of strength Ethan had to avoid glancing at it.

“We will figure something out. The weekend is only starting and every slimy Big Pharma exec has his price.”

Ethan knew she was correct about the last part and his desperation to save Naveen made him willing to pay whatever that price might be. Regardless, he couldn’t help but smile at her unwavering optimism, particularly when her hand swept his bicep in comforting strokes. The motion was so comforting that Ethan was tempted to lay down his pride and every wall he meticulously built to bring her closer to him.

With a reinvigorated spark in her green eyes and a smile to match, she said, “What you need, Dr. Ramsey, is a good swim.”

She nodded toward the crystalline waters glittering like a gem. The taunting smirk she failed to conceal, left him thinking she was determined to get him shirtless. Or perhaps it was wishful thinking on his part. With an embarrassing leap of his pulse, Ethan realized he would willingly do it if she commanded it.

“Fine,” he acquiesced, earning him an astonished expression. The way her rosy lips parted in surprise then melted into a satisfied smile made her far more irresistible than she had any right to look. That reaction alone was worth agreeing to something he would normally never even consider.

“Okay. Confession time,” she said with a sharp intake of breath. “I'm not that great of a swimmer.”

Ethan smirked, enjoying the endearing blush on her cheeks. “Then why did you suggest it, Rookie?”

“Because I didn't think you would agree?”

He laughed and though she tried to throw him a sharp glare, the corners of her mouth quirked.

“I'll be fine. I just won't go in that deep.”

Before he could assure her they didn't have to go in at all, she pulled her t-shirt over her head. A furious blush crept up from his neck all the way to the roots of his hair as Ethan hastily averted his eyes. He had not been quick enough, however, because he still caught sight of the smooth expanse of her bare stomach, the delicate muscles pulling taut as she removed her clothing. His eyes also managed to take in the top half of the strappy, neon orange bikini she wore.

Never in his life did he imagine such an obnoxious color could be so…attractive.

When at last he forced himself to meet her eyes, she looked back at him expectantly, looking as though she was about to lose the battle against an amused smirk.

“Are you going in with your cable-knit sweater, Dr. Ramsey?”

Ethan cut her a humorless glare before he removed the aforementioned sweater and all layers until only his swimming trunks remained. Unlike him, she did not avert her eyes. Instead, Lilac's gaze ascended from his abs to his chest and arms, tracing a path so stirring, it felt as though she was caressing him with strokes of her fingertips.

Her eyes met his, her expression frustratingly stoic. “We need sunscreen.”

Thankfully, it was the type that she sprayed on. Ethan would have lost all restraint if her hands had rubbed sunscreen over his muscles. When at last they were in the cool water, bodies swaying in the waves, he was able to slightly relax.

“You were right,” he informed her, peering down at her. The water reached her neck while barely made it past his chest.

“I usually am, but about what precisely?”

“I do feel better.”

He suspected that had little to do with the lull of the ocean or the calming breeze and more with her presence by his side. She gifted him with a smile so radiant, he felt his body gravitate towards hers.

Ethan looked away, searching for change of subject.

“So are you the only person from Southern California who doesn't swim?”

Lilac gave him an unimpressed look. It inspired a chuckle from Ethan.

“Do you think everyone in SoCal spends their days at the beach, loves In-N-Out, and says 'like' every other word?”

“Yes.”

Her nose wrinkled in defeat. “Well, you get two out of three.”

“If you start using 'like' excessively, I'll never speak to you again.”

It was her turn to laugh. “You're a terrible liar, Dr. Ramsey,” she proclaimed. “You couldn't go a day without my pain in the ass tendencies annoying the life out of you.”

“Hrm. You're absolutely right, Rookie. I would miss the five shots I have to throw back at the end of the day to repress your antics.”

Her responding laughter was so captivating, all he could do was watch her with a satisfied grin of his own. Lilac opened her mouth and Ethan had no doubt she had a witty retort at the ready. However, she was brashly interrupted by a swelling wave crashing unceremoniously over her head.

Ethan, being so tall, had easily sidestepped the water. Lilac, significantly shorter, had not been so lucky.

“Rookie, are you okay?”

Lilac only sputtered in response, blinking rapidly against the water dripping down her face. Her brown hair, previously immaculate and flowing in the breeze, now lay plastered against her face. Even completely shocked and sopping wet, she still managed to look entirely too adorable.

Before Ethan could stop it, an unbridled bout of laughter escaped past his throat. Once it was out, ringing around them and earning them quizzical looks from other people, it was impossible to stop. As he laughed—truly, genuinely laughed—a spike of lighthearted warmth shot through him and his stomach muscles began to strain. Ethan could not remember the last time he had laughed so much or so freely. Perhaps not since he was a boy.

“Are you done?” she asked, completely unamused.

The question only made his laughter peak even more. It was soon disrupted by an impressive slosh of water against his face and chest, not from a wave but from the vengeful young doctor before him. Completely sobered up, Ethan blinked.

It was Lilac's turn to laugh, unabashed.

“Doesn't feel so—”

Her words cut and gave way to a small shriek as Ethan recovered and palmed a small wave of water her way, hitting her square in the face. Lilac retaliated at lightning speed and sent a torrent towards him.

“I hope you realize what you’ve done, Rookie.” He propelled splash after splash of water with relentless speed. “You started a war.”

“I can take you,” she laughed, shielding her face from the wall of water coming her way.

Ethan discovered she was correct, proving to be a worthy adversary. It was admirable that someone so much shorter than him could send bursts of water straight for his face. They laughed in unison, the sound teetering on the border of pure giddiness. As the minutes ticked by, their efforts reduced significantly, mostly out of exhaustion.

“Truce?” she breathed out.

“Not a chance, Rookie,” he returned, not ceasing his movements.

Lilac laughed, covering her face to no avail. She attempted a cautionary step back, as if distance would deter his attack, but she seemed to stumble, losing her balance. At once, Ethan stopped his movements, diving forward to catch her in his arms before she sank under the water.

Body pressed close against his, she wrapped her arms around his neck, the movement so natural as though it was second nature. His own arms locked securely around her waist, lifting her slightly off her feet and bringing their bodies even closer together. At this proximity, Ethan was certain she could feel the untamed beating of his heart against his chest. Then again, she could probably see his agony written on his face with how closely she studied him.

Neither moved to break apart, all traces of previous humor gone.

“Dr. Ramsey,” she breathed.

His breath hitched at the low, caress of a whisper. How he wished she would call him Ethan. The mere thought of his name on her lips tugged something loose in his chest.

The longer they stood like that, in each other’s arms, the harder it became to let her go. Could he let her go? Common sense suggested he should abandon the fantasy of her lips against his, vivid in his mind for weeks now. He should let go of Lilac Allende and keep as much distance as a mentor should have. He should let go…

And yet…

“I give up,” he said so quietly that his voice almost got lost in the waves.

Lilac smiled at that, much to his confusion. “Smart man,” she teased. “I told you I could take you on.”

Ethan released her, her body slowly sliding down his. She was talking about their small water fight, which Ethan had almost forgotten about.

“Right,” he said, keeping his voice neutral. It was nothing compared to the chaotic uproar in his chest. “We should go back to the hotel. There’s a reception we should start getting for.”

“A reception?”

“Did I not tell you? It’s a complete waste of time, but we might as well enjoy free drinks on Big Pharma’s dime.”

They walked back to their hotel in a silence that felt too sacred to break. His mind replayed the memory of Lilac in his arms, her body fitting so perfectly against his, her green eyes studying his face so intently, her lush lips so close to his.

He could have kissed her.

Would she have kissed him back?

“Thank you,” Ethan said after a few minutes of peaceful quiet. It was a desperate attempt to stop his mind from veering into dangerous territory.

Lilac looked at him, confused.

“For earlier with Nash,” he explained. “But also, thank you for right now.”

“Glad to be of service,” she returned with a mock salute that made him laugh despite his better judgement. The again, judgement had been thrown out the window the minute he decided to bring her to Miami.

________

Author’s Note: THANK YOU if you read this. The reason I wanted to include this into the Miami weekend was that I’ve been imagining a little scene like this for a while. I’ve been wanting to write it out since before I wrote Lovely and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity. Thank you for putting up with my shenanigans.

The next part is the kiss for sure. I can’t wait to write that :) I was closed to naming it after the actual chapter (Risk and Reward), but I decided to name it after an ABBA song. LMAO!

Thank You @aestheticartwriting for your help with this!

PS: What do you guys think of the new style for the cover moodboard? I wanted to try something new!

_______

@dulceghernandez | @lion-ess24 | @emotionalswift2 | @the-soot-sprite | @angela8756

#Open Heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #playchoices #my writing #ethan ramsey fanfiction #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart fanfiction #choices fanfiction

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lebrookestore · 3 years

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Thank You and Presents?

Welcome to this semi-chaotic, passive aggressive post. I spent a good hour on this, so you mfs better read.

I've decided to combine these two posts, considering they go hand in hand, so bear with me.

I've been here for a month, and I've made so many new friends, read some amazing fics, and actually made friends with some of my writing inspirations themselves, which I cant even begin to comprehend so I won't try.

I've released four fics, two were shorter, but the ones I'm really proud of- Little Princess and Poison and Petals-i still can't believe I sat my ass down and started writing. This year has been a shit one, but never would I have thought I would start writing fanfiction. Let alone the long ass fics I write please.

So hitting 100 followers is even more of a foreign concept, but thank you so much! I'm bewildered that people actually ready my shit and the fact some want to be tagged in stuff, and the fact it's only been a month? What is reality-

And some of y'all see my shit posts and deal with me- to that I say God bless you and your patience. You have to be some sort of heavenly being amen.

Honestly, some of y'all actually helped me through a lot of shit, and some even encouraged me with my first fic, which was the start of these shenanigans( whether this was a good idea or not, we shall never know)

Basically, thank you so much, it means a lot to me, it really makes my day when I see w new follow, or a reblog, or someone liking my shit posts about simping (I am sorry my dude) .

Now, since the year is ending, thank god, I've decided to give my moots presents, since I've seen a lot of people do this (originality went ✨yeet✨) and it's also like a thank you and appreciation message of sorts. Also because I'm nice.

Let the chaos begin:

@alicanta77 my first moot, and literally one of my biggest inspirations fir writing, she was with me when I was writing Poison and Petals, and encouraged me with everytime I hit a roadblock, or was feeling tired with it. She's such a talented writer, and her series are very well thought out. They deserve so much more love, because the effort, the plot, everything is immaculate, and felix, babe, I love you to death.

@danishmiilk my second moot on this hellhole and I hate you but I love you so I guess pemdas cancels that out. She is an amazing writer, her fics too deserve more attention. I honestly don't know what I would do without this bitch, we run the culture cafe together, and I'm such a dumbass at coding, but she does it(even if she does forget to add the https, but we won't talk about that okay) and she matches my chaotic energy perfectly. She's definitely not annoying (I wrote that with a straight face my dude, be proud), and I would do anything for her so yeah ily bye

@astroboy-lele furOU THE 40 YEAR OLD MAN ON FACEBOOK- I'm sorry, not really, oh well. Another underrated writer, her fics are really good too, and she was the one who encouraged me to start the net, and gave me the idea of a dark cafe aesthetic. She helped me with a lot of shit there too, and is a really good listener.

@orange-nimon-cross I scared as fuck of yunha, but I also love her. Shes honest and blunt af and I love that about her. She always gives me honest, actually helpful feedback a d if probably the first person I'd go to for said feedback. She deserves way more credit for her writing, its amazing, and her poetry? They're beautiful and deep and ineish I could write like that.

@rouiyan MISS REE ANOTHER WRITING INSPO AND A GREAT FRIEND honestly I met her and we just vibed tbh. She too helped me with my first fic by encouraging me, and I love her to death too. Very happy ahes back from hiatus, all my fists of love for you babe!

@yvezs mila I have no fucking clue what your posts mean half the time, but I love you anyways okay, you already know so I'm not gonna bother writing a long ass para, I'll annoy you later

@heartyyjeno ALESHA! honestly, she's so sweet, and her asks literally brighten up my day. Her writing is also amazing and just ugh, I love you and get very happy everytime I see you.

@moonbeamsung HANNAH BBY YOU'RE SO CUTE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH OMG you're the sweetest bean ever and your writing is the bomb.com. I hope we can get closer, because you never fail to make me feel better, or brighten up my day with a message or an ask.

@radiorenjun angie my fellow simp and hard stan letS GO- I know she's not always online, but she's always there when I need to simp, or when I need help with important descisions (what pic I should chose fir my lockcreen, for example) she's always there to simp for ten with me and our convos are questionable (she's seen my dark dark gallery man. If that's not friendship idk what it) . If you do want to summon her though, I suggest typing renjun or ten in a message, all caps.

@channoticedmeuwu kai. *heavy sigh* this bitch is honestly one of the best people, like she deals with ny shit posts, replIES TO THEM and even deals with my excessive simping like damn what angel are you (the fallen one, jK-) she also likes simping with me, even called for help once(it failed, but it's the thought that counts. She even tried helping me when my laptop fucked me over, which, surprise, it still is, but we barely even knew each other at the time?? How amazing is that?? But bitch stay the fuck away from taeyong thanks hyuck is the waiting.

@loonacitys I MET YOU TWO DAYS AGO BUT I ALREADY LOVE YOU WE LIVE I'M THE SAME DAMN CITY BYE OMG and she matches my crack head humour *cough* tHe gRoUp *cough* so yes another amazing hooman bean.

@sweetlyjaem she SIMPED WITH ME AMEN-

@ppangjae literally one of my biggest inspos for writing, I read seven letters and was inspired to pick up little princess again after it was sitting dying in a dark corner of google Docs for three days. Alex is so sweet, she didn't mind my chaotic awkward ass, and dealt with the long ass asks and the dozen of messages I sent her.

@kdongyoung ro is so sweet and chaotic I love it. Her edits are *chefs kiss* and she made my beautiful header which I will flex everytime I get the chance. We've not talked that much, but I still love you okay.

Moots I wanna know better-@jungwooisms @du0tine @moonttaeil @fruityutas @ooyoungs

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU BYE

#thank you!#cant believe it tbh #ots only been a month of me being here #so getting this far is like what #anyways i appreciate all of you

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radiorenjun · 3 years

Text

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

#announcement!#bye bye

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morkyun · 3 years

Note

I already sent this ask on your writing blog but I see that your asks functions is turned on here again so!! Assign a trope and a member to your moots 💛

omgg I already apologized for this situation but again, I'm so sorry you had to come to my side blog to leave this ask sjdjs you're so pure by doing this 💕💕💗💝💗 so *stretch arms* im ready 😌

I wanted to do moots x monsta x at first but I'm gonna do something different this time 👀👀

@valentines-jae [mark, meet-cute!au]

and there she was, at nine in the morning taking the subway to college. it was such a blessing to not live too far away from her school. taking a deep sigh, the doors open to let some passengers step down of the subway. closing her eyes, listening to the music on one of her earphones, suddenly a loud groan was enough to take her out of her mind. looking forward, she saw a boy in casual clothes and a bucket hat being smashed by the doors.

holding a giggle, she saw how the stranger looked at her with a pink tint on his cheeks, obvious embarrassment showing on his face. it was matter of seconds until the doors opened again and the boy stumbled backwards until he was sitting again on his previous seat.

not leaving his eyes from the girl, she smiled covering her mouth with her hand, she always found cute when strangers were trapped between the subway doors because of their expressions.

"you ok?" asked the girl getting close to him. the boy smiled and nodded.

"yeah, that was embarrassing, huh?" his shy smile made the girl giggle not averting her eyes from his.

"don't worry, that happens more frequent than you can imagine." her voice echoed in his ears, making him flash a huge smile. it wasn't soft like the girls he used to listen to everyday, and it was something that he loved. it was so soothing and soft, something he could feel with the tips of his fingers.

"I'm sorry you need to see that everyday." her eyes sparkled as she giggled.

"don't worry, I haven't seen such cool people being smashed by the doors, guess that's a universal thing, huh?" she said on a rather playful tone, which made him feel at ease. nodding with his smile still plastered on his face, he thought how he liked her voice...

"I really like your voice." he pointed, consequence of the sudden adrenaline of the situation. he didn't noticed what he just said, opening his eyes when he saw the blush covering the girl cheeks. both of them started to giggle, and somehow, something switched between them.

both their cheeks got so blushed of the immense chemistry between them, and, little did they know that, the boy lost his stop and now he needed to ask her about directions. just an excuse to spend the day with that dazzling and beautiful smile.

@sarah-simps [jooheon, coworkers!au]

"come on! everybody will know we're missing there!" she said, licking her lips.

"I'm sorry! I swear I'm doing my best!" he replied closing his eyes groaning loudly enough to rumble on the room. "I'm almost there." he said again with a smile looking at her.

"HA!! I WON!" letting a squeak, she got up from her place cleaning the ice cream from the corner of her lips.

"hey that's not fair!!" jooheon pouted with the last bit of his ice cream on his mouth. "you cheated!"

"no I didn't!"

"SARAH, JOOHEON, WHERE ARE YOU?" the voice of their coworker from outside the room shouted loudly for them to listen. getting on their feet, they got put of the janitors room, because yes, this is what they did on a daily basis.

there was this time where they found each other on said room to see who could beat each other on eating or drink fastly, and whoever that won, needed to pay for the food they used.

this day, they decided to play with ice cream, which resulted on both of them with brain freeze but, it was totally worth it.

"I'll beat you next time." he whispered getting his wallet out, not happy to do so.

"aww, honey, you'll do better next time... but not today, so pay! loser!" she said with a triumphant smile ready to take some customers orders.

@kyunsies [changkyun, historical!au]

he's so cute. that's what all her friends said whenever they saw him walking past the window of her home.

changkyun. that was his name. a boy who used to come around her house every thursday to visit his parents in order to take care of his younger siblings. she didn't knew much about him, only that he was a couple of years older and that he was a foreigner, but that's all, and that second one was pretty obvious considering he had feline eyes, comparing to everyone's round ones.

he got all the girls of town sighing, wishing to have a single second to talk to him. but he was quite reserved.

the girl on her side, preferred to admire him from a far, constantly seeing her friends getting rejected by him, but in the sweetest way. he always said he wasn't ready for a relationship and, considering the amount of girls behind his back, it was quite understandable.

her friends used to go to her house every thursday to bake some cookies to sell on fridays and then going shopping on saturday. it was something that became like a ritual with the passing time, but now it seemed like they only came to her house to admire the said boy.

"I'll go get more sugar. please try not to drool too much over him." the girl said looking how her friends almost ignored him. if it wasn't for the low "mhm's", she would've thought she was speaking to the void.

with a smile, shaking her head, she took her straw hat and got out of the house. without much though, she got to the store pretty quickly. greeting the old man who was in charge of the place, her eyes traveled through the aisles trying to find the sugar.

she was deep in thought, when she felt a strong grip on her legs, trapping her on the spot. gasping loudly, she lowered her face looking at a girl with cute pigtails smiling at her.

"mom!" the little girl said hiding her face on the older girl's legs.

squating in front of the kid, the girl was about to ask if she was lost, when a pair of legs appeared behind the little girl's frame.

"it looks like you found my little sister, or should I say, she found you?" that voice. the girl raised her head looking directly at that boy. that same boy that used to take away every other girls breaths.

"looks like it." she said with a smile, looking back at the little girl.

"I'm sorry she called you mom. she gets pretty attached when she sees pretty girls."

the older girl blushed getting up on her place. "pretty, huh?"

"yeah," the boy said again taking her little sister on his arms. "and she never misses..." with a huge smile, his eyes flew to hers once again, and for the first time, she could see his charming smile two cute dimples showing on his cheeks.

@imnameimss [wonho, motorcyclist!au]

"he'll be here on ten minutes, I need to get my makeup done!" the girl said, panicking.

"come on, let me do your eyeliner! I swear I'll do it better than last time!" her friend, who just came over to her house, got closer to the girl touching her shoulders.

"ok, but you better do it better and not make me look like cleopatra!" the second girl laughed, taking the eyeliner from her hands, starting to draw on her face.

after a few minutes, she was ready. "now put some lipstick and you're done."

letting out a sigh, the asian girl smiled at her reflection applying some lipstick on her lips, when she heard her phone ring. with a huge smile, she saw it was him.

"hoseok!"

"come down love, I'm here." he said, his voice soft and, she could swear he had a huge smile on his face as well as her.

"I'll be there in a minute." after saying that, she got her leather jacket and bag from the bed and said goodbye to her friend.

with quick steps, she got to the reception of the building, looking at the man infront of her, laying back on his motorcycle, crossing his arms making the muscles to look prominent under the jacket.

"you look gorgeous." he sweet talked, kissing her cheek.

"when do I not?" with a soft giggle, she got on the motorcycle after the boy, circling the boy's waist with her arms.

tonight it was about them. school was just a month away from being over and she was sure she was going to spend her life with him. but feeling the cold breeze on her face, made her appreaciate the moment, holding tighter his body, causing a smirk on the boy's face.

@kyunswifey [changkyun, soulmates!au]

"a purple flower!" his parents screamt looking at the pretty purple cocoon lying on their son's hands.

the rule of their world was that, when you met your soulmate, the flower could bloom entirely. said flower could appear on the most random places, and apparently, changkyun found it on his jacket after getting back from school.

it was easy to lose the cocoon, that's why he rushed to his house and showed it to his parents, who helped him finding a perfect capsule for he little item.

he was sixteen when he got it, but now that he was twenty two and almost all his friends had found their soulmates, he slowly started to think that love wasn't for him and that his soulmate simply got lost of found someone else, but that was almost impossible as his cocoon was still shining on purple and ready to open.

sighing, he got up from bed ready to do his daily run around the block where he lived. he put on his shoes and opened the door closing it behind him. putting his hoodie over his head, he took a deep breath before starting to stretch his legs.

it was common to be found the streets alone, but not today. he was following his normal route, when he noticed what it seemed like two people fighting. at first, he thought of just running past them, but a loud whimper stopped him from keeping his way.

it was a girl's voice.

following the sound, he found himself minutes later running away with the girls hand on his. her hand felt cold, but somewhere deep in his heart, felt so right holding it.

getting to a convenience store, they got inside ready to buy some water bottles and to make the girl calm down after such adrenaline rush.

"hey," he said looking at her, noticing the glossy eyes she had. she must be so scared yet. "you know how to get back home? you want help or something?" he asked getting his breath back to normal.

the girl nodded crossing his arms around her on some kind of protective shield. "yeah, I just need to call my roommate..."

after a few minutes of getting their breaths back, and of them growing more comfortable with each other somehow, there was time to say goodbye, now that her roommate was outside the store on an uber.

"well, it was my pleasure to meet you..."

"changkyun. the name's changkyun." the girl nodded giving her name too.

late that night, when he was able to go back to his house, he lied on his bed thinking about what just happened that night. sighing deeply, his head turned to his side, looking at the flower... flower?!

"god..." he gasped getting up on his feet running out of his apartment again. without noticing if he had put the right shoes or a thick jacket, he started running where to the convenience store, just to find the girl there, on her pijamas looking anxiously at the close sign of the store. smiling, feeling his heart beat strong inside his ribcage, he approached to her.

"hey... you..."

@lex-iiiii [changkyun, exes to lovers!au]

"I just don't get how he did that to me..."

"once again, you just didn't tried to listen to him. running away from your problems doesn't do any good, and you can notice now that you're heartbroken over the wrong thing!" her friend said sitting infront of her, drinking from her coffee.

"how are you so sure he didn't cheated on me!? I saw him!"

"no, you just saw a glimpse of him talking with another girl and suddenly though your best option was to run away and break up with him, without even telling him!!"

"whatever... it's not like he cares. if he cared he'd be banging his fist on your door day and night to talk to me."

"what are you talking about? of course he does! but you're too caught up in your thoughts, that you haven't noticed." the friend said again with a stressful expression. "please just talk to him, it's been three days! you're damaging the relationship that was just blooming!"

and after her listening to her friend, she was sure she needed to talk to him. but how?

when it was time to get back to home, the door was loudly opened, getting the attention of all of the customers and staff inside the store.

"changkyun?" the girl asked watching his, boyfriend? ex? panting and trying to regain his breath after what it seemed to be running from miles away.

"I need to talk to you," he said looking intently at her eyes. "please..."

"I don't know..." she said closing her eyes tightly, scared of hearing the worst.

the boy took her by the shoulders making her snap her eyes open. "please, let me remind you how much I love you and, if you still take me back, I'd love to express on every way possible how much I missed you these three days..." he said and smiled breathlessly. "damn, that sounds like I can't live without you, which is true, but that's our secret." he winked, getting a smile from her.

"ok, I'm all ears."

@hyunubear [shownu, royalty!au]

knock, knock.

"I told my maids not to bother." the girl said standing from her bed letting her book on the nightstand.

rushing to the door, she opened the door, opening her eyes in shock of not expecting him to be there.

"hyunwoo..."

"princess." he said bowing slightly his head at her. his clothes were pretty basic for someone who worked as the princess bodyguard.

"what are you doing here?" she said nervously closing her arms infront of her chest.

"I saw light from under the door," he said looking at the candles lit up inside of the room. "I know you can't sleep when you get stressed or anxious, want some company?"

his voice, tender and deep, like if they were about to share the darkest secret of the kingdom.

"hyunwoo," the girl said rubbing her temples. "it's past midnight, shouldn't you be guarding?"

the boy smiled. "how better could I take care of the princess than being with her?"

a loud sigh was heard from her side, taking a step back, she opened the door wider for him to come in.

he, gladly, got inside and sat on the bed. they were long time friends, and he used to act all tough infront of her parents, the king and queen, but when they were alone, it was like they traveled back in time when they were just friends not caring about the kingdom issues.

"I've been thinking out my fate as next queen, when are my parents going to introduce the man I'm supposed to marry?" she said sitting beside him. putting her head on his shoulder, he started to rub her back.

"I don't know what's in store for you, what's your destiny, but one thing's clear," he whispered, looking down. "I'm gonna be here protecting you, no matter what."

the girl separated from him, only to find his eyes already on her figure. hyunwoo was sure there wasn't better time than when she was like this, vulnerable and with that hopeful look on her face that made her eyes spark. it reminded him, not of the powerful princess, but of his best friend.

"please never leave my side..." she said lowly, getting slowly closer to him, engulfing him into a hug.

"never, my lady."

@uh0paque [wonho, haters to lovers!au]

"I don't care if you two don't get along, that's how you two were arranged, please behave like the grown ups you are."

grown ups. yeah sure.

"there's no way I'm sharing the same air as you, how am I even supposed to share a whole room?" his voice sounded desperate, as if they had some kind of illness.

"shut up, it's not like I adore your face either." spitting the words, both of them scoffed getting into the room.

finding each other smashing the other trying to get into the room first, there was a noticeable thing inside the room, something they couldn't believe it was.

"fuck no."

"shut up dickhead, it's not like I'm gonna sleep on the floor either."

yeah. there was one bed.

"this has to be a nightmare."

"just for you to know, I'm not sleeping on the floor." hoseok said before getting out of the room. it was just one day. just one day. he kept on repeating to himself.

late that night, he returned to the room, opening the door with the key, finding the other person sitting on the bed on deep thought.

"hey," he said loudly for them to listen. "what are you thinking about?"

"mind your business."

after several not-too-kind words to each other, hoseok found himself lying on the floor with some thin blankets covering his body.

seeing his body quivering in coldness, it was hard to concentrate on even sleeping comfortably. "get up here dumbass."

"no!" the boy denied gripping the blankets tighter to his body, which didn't helped much. proud getting the best of him instead of accepting he wasn't willing to lose his comfort lying on the cold floor.

"stop being so stubborn and get up here!" sending a whispered scream, the boy huffed getting up in his place to lie down in bed beside his partner, but not too close.

"your body keeps trembling." pointing it out, hoseok knitted his brows.

"sorry, I was almost freezing down there." he said looking at his hands.

with a deep sigh and extending a hand infront of him, they made hoseok tilt his head.

"give me your hands! I can't be spelling everything to you." if it wasn't for the lack of light, you could be able to see the pink blush on their cheeks.

hoseok gave his hands, hesitating. wrapping their hands around his, he could feel the warmth quickly running through his skin, making it shiver. "you're warm..." he said with a little pout.

after a few minutes, he could feel them drift to sleep. hoseok smiled at the view. with a warm heart and warm body, he cuddled into his pillow and found his dreams quickly than expected.

@moongaera [jongho, childhood friends!au]

"I didn't expected you to be here so soon!" the boy said out of breath, getting to the girl side.

"why would i be late? this is our tree of all times after all." she said touching the grass at her side, signaling for him to sit beside her.

and he did so. they've been friends since they have memory, but because of him pursuing his dreams as a well-known idol and she studying abroad, they lost complete contact until this day.

their families wanted to do a gathering for christmas, considering both families always got along pretty well.

"I missed you so much when you were gone for the first moths." he said looking at his hands on his lap. she smiled nodding.

"I missed you too when I got down the plane. I thought about how you and I would be together, but we had different dreams and decided to went for them..."

"you did your best, considering we, indeed, have different dreams." he smiled. "I'm so proud of you. I've always been, I hope you understand how much I've been hoping for this day to come just so I can see your clumsy ass again." he said getting hit instantly by his best friend.

"shut up, you love this clumsy ass."

both of them laughed loudly, and it felt so right to be together again. letting a loud sigh, the girl looked up to the sky with a smile still painted on her face.

"I just wish that, in the afterlife we can find each other."

the boy smiled brightly and nodded. "we will, I'll look for you until we can get together for eternity. I promise."

intertwining his pinky with hers, they promised, to look for each other until the end of times.

@chaotichae [hyungwon, barista!au]

there was him again, getting your order once again with that damned smile and that damned sparkling eyes and...

ah... how you wished to have his number. you found yourself pacing on your bedroom every night trying to find ways of talking to him, but everything you had planned seemed too complicated when you were infront of him.

by now, he knew your usual order and, you didn't know if you either feel flattered or stupid because it's always he'd knew your order, damn, you went to that cafe almost everyday just to see his cute face.

you were doomed. oh so doomed.

and then you though, that you should stop seeking him. you were afraid you were behaving like a psycho and instead of trying to seem friendly, you were acting a little bit too much invested in who he was.

so you stopped visiting the cafe. today it was a whole month before the last time you've visited the place and your legs tickled, wanting to run away to the coffee shop. but just when you were about to do so, your friends or work always distracted you to do so.

today you were on your way on getting off from your work, when unconsciously, your legs moved for their own, and without you could even notice, you were standing infront of the shop.

hitting yourself mentally, you shake your head ready to walk away, when the door opened shocking you.

"hey!" he called and you couldn't help but almost trip on your feet trying to back away from your reality, but he was there! infront of you. "it's been a while, I've missed seeing you around." he said taking his apron and glasses off. you could barely register his words.

"I- uh, I've been busy and... yeah, I've missed you too." oh god, someone take me away from here. aliens, where are you when needed?

he flashed a big smile and held out a hand. "wait here." in matter of seconds, he was back without his typical uniform and you opened your eyes tilting your head.

"my turn is over so... I was thinking we could talk, like normal people and not like, barista and client." he said scratching the back of his neck, making you feel hot on your cheeks.

"y-yeah! I'd love that!"

22 notes · View notes

wuxian-vs-wangji · 4 years

Note

So like you said, in the show they say flat out that Wei Wuxian didn't die, he was injured by the fall instead and the sacrificing curse used Mo Xuanyu's life force to heal him completely (even his scars other than the four slashes). Why do you think Nie Huaisang kept Wuxian in a coma for so long without trying to heal him?

Hum...

First off, highlighting this ask is about the S-H-O-W (that means *not* the novel)

So just to state it a little more clearly:: In Episode 42(?) when Wuxian unsheathes Suibian in the Jin treasure room, Jin Guangyao says he remembers an old scroll written by Wei Wuxian himself showing a spell in which “a severely injured person can be healed” by someone else’s sacrifice.

Making this change has a cascading effect on the story, since Wei Wuxian does not resurrect into a different body but back into his own (thank god, because we got to keep staring at Xiao Zhan an extra 19 episodes). In general what I think happened is that Huaisang was either instructed by Mingjue to stand in wait or that he just was watching from afar when the Battle of Nightless happened. If anyone understands the dangers of out-of-control resentful energy it is a Nie.

The writing was on the wall, they couldn’t stop Wei Wuxian’s death even if they wanted to. He was going to die sooner or later- by execution, suicide, his own magic destroying him, etc.

So the Nie- probably unknown to anyone else- were prepared to contain his soul and the resentful energy therein as they do their ancestors. No other sect deals with explosive resentful energy, it was always going to be on the Nie to handle that one (but not in a way the other sects know about because that would risk exposing the Saber Tombs).

Now, in the NOVEL- putting little clues together- it looks like Wei Wuxian was contained in a Spirit Trapping Pouch, like what Xiao Xingchen’s soul is contained in. He’s bound in some way- no one, not even Wangji, could reach him with any form of spirit inquiry.

So since his body wasn’t destroyed in the SHOW, context clues here say that Huaisang found Wuxian around the same time Jiang Cheng came down the side of the cliff to look for the body. Jiang Cheng has Chenqing at the showdown in Guanyin Temple- so he found the flute. Again, a Nie knows how dangerous resentment is, and they’re EXPERTS at containing spiritual weapons. That Huaisang took Wuxian but didn’t/couldn’t search thoroughly enough to find Chenqing suggests he was rushed.

Wei Wuxian was presumably on death’s door. He burned away the arrow wound to his heart, but I’ll dip to the novel to say that it clarifies that the Stygian Tiger Seal drains Wuxian’s spiritual power VERY quickly. Between that and just how long his attack on Nightless ran, the boy’s batteries were on empty and he probably couldn’t heal a granite belly-flop.

================================

So, Huaisang leaves with Wuxian’s body (probably with Mingjue’s knowledge because Huaisang couldn’t do this all on his own), then what happened? I straddle the line between two schools of thought on this one.

#1 :: Keeping him in a coma was the safest way to contain him

If Huaisang somehow froze Wei Wuxian so that his injuries neither healed nor bled out, it would be like entombing him in his own body. Generations of Nie went insane at the end of their lives and turned into violent rage monsters. Huaisang- and probably Mingjue because, again, you’d need the Clan Leader on board for this- wouldn’t look on Wuxian in the same light as the others because of Nightless. They don’t consider their father/grandfathers/etc. any less because of how their lives ended, they’d understand Wei Wuxian wasn’t the problem, the Yiling Patriarch was.

Wuxian was so lost and so powerful, he was going to be HARD to contain when he died. If that was possible at all. So while they looked for a solution or delayed the inevitable, it is safer to prevent Wei Wuxian’s death at all. If there is a way to freeze someone (that time stop spell Wuxian uses but on a long-term scale), they could pin him at his last breath to buy time.

Then Mingjue disappears, Huaisang keeps Wuxian sealed away, and eventually Mo Xuanyu brings up the sacrificing curse and Huaisang realizes that unleashing Wei Wuxian might be the way forward against Jin Guangyao.

******* Click HERE for my post arguing that Mo Xuanyu might be the original mastermind (Though “Fatal Journey” rendered some of it moot, the overall logic is still sound) *******

I also want to note just somewhere in this whole answer that Nie Huaisang seemed supremely confident that Wei Wuxian wasn’t going to go full Yiling Patriarch when he emerged, either because Wangji was nearby with baby Lan or he trusted that Wuxian wasn’t the monster he was painted to be. Either via a friend’s intuition (Huaisang never seemed to really fear him) or perhaps he had someone playing something like Cleansing over his body to make sure he was calming down. IDK, but the boy doesn’t seem worried in the least. He’s even right next door throughout the resurrection and Saber Spirit Attack, not worried about getting away from the crater in case Wuxian goes nuclear again.

OK, back to my answer---

#2 :: Sometimes they just don’t wake up

Xiao Xingchen had no will to live, even trapped in the soul pouch. Wei Wuxian was very much in the same state mentally.

Physically though, it might not have mattered WHAT his mental state was, he was simply too injured to ever regain consciousness on his own. Even if Huaisang tried from Day 1 to heal him, helped re-set bones and stitch his wounds closed, Wei Wuxian’s body was too shattered.

It is possible for someone to simply sustain too many injuries or suffer too great a trauma to wake up from a coma. It happens IRL too. People will even wake up after YEARS in a coma. So Huaisang might not have intentionally kept Wuxian out of it, he may simply have been unable to wake without massive healing work to re-set the body to where it was when it was first injured (like if Wuxian was brain dead).

I will say this theory has a flaw, IDK how fatal it is though:: Jin Ling isn’t dead yet, but Wangji still reaches his soul via Inquiry in the Saber Tombs. So if Huaisang healed Wuxian and just let him lay in a coma undisturbed for 16 years, Lan Wangji should have been able to reach him. I mean, even if it’s hard and the odds of success are terrible, he played Inquiry every single night for 16 years. Even a blind squirrel finds nuts sometimes (unless distance played a factor, or any other protections the Nie had up, which is why I say this may not be a fatal flaw).

===============================

**I do want to make a note about the Sacrificing Curse as a healing tool that wipes out ALL of Wei Wuxian’s injuries. Watch the Doctor Who two-part episode set “The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances” (from Season 1 of the reboot). Sorry, but to make my point I need to spoil the big twist:: The “monster” wreaking havoc on London during the 1940s Blitz is actually a crashed medical ship with healing drones who find a dead child but aren’t programmed to human DNA, so they create terrifying creatures with gas-mask faces because that’s how they think humans are (they save the child, don’t worry).

At the end of the 2nd part, the Doctor reprograms them with human DNA so they burn themselves out healing the individual people and turning them back to normal. There is a line where a physician is approached by a patient who shockingly says her long-missing leg has even grown back.

It is wrong to say the Sacrificing Curse healing all of Wuxian’s injuries- even his scar- is “convenient” (as some people did on a previous post of mine). I think it’s like the drones in the Doctor Who episode- you tell them to heal, they’ll heal abso-fucking-lutely everything that is imperfect or incorrect. Think about it- Wei Wuxian even got a Golden Core out of the deal. The curse used whatever it needed from Mo Xuanyu to heal Wei Wuxian. No exceptions. If he had a PAPERCUT it would treat it as an imperfection no different from a crushed skull.

A powerful healing spell like that is powerful precisely because it works on a massive scale. Mo Xuanyu was dying to save Wei Wuxian, so he was going to get his money’s worth. Yeah, Wuxian’s burn scar disappears. IDK why that’s so hard for some people to process when they can easily accept that he’s no longer puddle-shaped.

TL;DR:: IDK, but I’ve put a ton of thought into it.

#ask #long answer #Anonymous #mine #nie huaisang #mo xuanyu #wei wuxian #i've actually put very very little thought into this #most of this was off-the-cuff #my brain fills in and spirals out while I type which is useful when I'm writing but not great when I'm trying to answer an ask #in less than 150;000 words

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eloarei · 3 years

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Hiatus’d WIPs: “Touch” (bnha)

I recently had a conversation with a friend/reader about how many unfinished fics I have lying around, and it made me decide to finally make a post for each one; under the assumption that I never write any of them again, I can at least link these posts at the end of the AO3 WIPs for people who are curious how the rest of the story goes. So here we have: WIP and notes for Dekumight fic series “Touch” (including unfinished next chapter) My thoughts: This was really one of my favorites for a while. There was something really fun about writing the sort of non-verbal communication they had going on, and the deep love and also awkwardness. However, the actual story of the fic doesn’t differ much from the canon plot, which makes it a little less interesting to write, and also difficult to pick up, because frankly I don’t remember shit anymore about canon. Under the cut: (8,300 words total) 3,000 words of what would be the next chapter (ending about halfway through), then a rough draft of the second half of the chapter. After that, there’s a super-rough draft/ outline of the next several chapters, followed by a bunch of notes from when I was initially planning. NOTE: Tumblr completely destroyed all formatting, so this should be full of italics, which implies thinking, but instead you’ll just have to puzzle it out. Similarly, my notes have a bunch of bolding and some strikethrough, which probably doesn’t work either. Sorry.

Takes place directly after “Retouch” (chapter 2) :

Chapter 3

It was just a few minutes later that Toshinori was hit with a spike of pleasure that he really shouldn't have been surprised by. He was finishing up some paperwork for UA though and wouldn't be getting ready for bed for a while, so instead of following through with the echo of Izuku's intense sensation, he just took a deep calming breath and willed himself to leave it alone. However, he did take a moment to send Izuku a well-timed text saying simply, | Sleep tight |. He still wasn't sure if the boy was aware of what he was doing to him, but he figured he'd just tip him off a little bit instead of asking outright. Not yet.

Izuku responded with a cute, embarrassed | ^^; you too |, and Toshinori laughed. So he hadn't expected to be called out on it, huh? Well, they could talk about it later; maybe over the weekend, if Suzuki's papers didn't scare him off. (And even then they'd probably still want to talk about at least a few things. Even if Izuku suddenly wanted nothing to do with him, even if they never saw each other again (a chilling thought), they'd still be affecting each other like this for the rest of their lives. It warranted at least a short conversation.)

Most likely, though... Most likely it would be a long conversation they'd be having, if Toshinori's impression of Inko was anything to go by. If it were just him and Izuku, who knew if they'd ever do much serious talking. It was far too tempting to just sit side by side with their hands tangled together and feel. So, it was probably good that Izuku's mother had such a strong hand in the situation-- and it was definitely good for both of them that she was such a reasonable woman. He knew she would probably bring up all the right topics (the things he still hadn't really researched; Suzuki wasn't going to be pleased with his ignorance), and ask all the right questions, and be super tactful about the whole thing, so he didn't fret about it, focusing instead on just getting through the week.

Easier said than done, he'd have told you, if you asked him at any point during those next few days, but eventually it was done, and he was standing outside the Midoriyas' apartment door with a briefcase in one hand and the other poised to knock. But before he could make a sound, the door opened, and Izuku was standing there, looking up at him with the brightest eyes.

“Hi,” he said, the simple word both enthusiastic and shy. His smile was impossibly wide, sending his freckles up into his eyes. “I, um, I could tell you were there,” he answered, before Toshinori could even ask how he'd known to open the door. Without further ado, Izuku reached out and took his hand, leading him into the apartment. They both breathed deep, relieved sighs as soon as they touched. Three days had just been too much.

Inside, Inko was doing dishes. “Oh, Toshinori, hi,” she said, looking over her shoulder. “I'll be done here in just a minute. Izuku said you have some papers for us to look at?”

“At my manager's insistence,” he explained. Guided by Izuku, he took a seat next to him at the kitchen table, their hands still joined, and set the briefcase up where his other hand could find what he needed. He pulled the stack of papers out and set them in the middle of the table.

“How's your week been?” Izuku asked quietly, as they waited for Inko to join them.

“It's been fine,” Toshinori answered, though the emotion rolling around in his chest said 'I missed you', and he was fairly sure Izuku could feel it.

The boy squeezed his hand at the feeling and replied, “Me too,” in response to the unspoken sentiment.

Drying her hands off on a dishtowel, Inko sat down across from them and gave the pair of them an appraising (but ultimately approving) look, before she slid the stack of papers over to her. “What have we got here?” she asked, apparently rhetorically, as she didn't wait for Toshinori to attempt to explain. She read through each page carefully and then passed it over to Izuku, who seemed mildly surprised but also read each one before sliding it over to Toshinori. (He skimmed them again for familiarity's sake, but he'd already read through them in detail with Suzuki a day or two before.)

Other than a 'hmm' here and there, Inko didn't make any comments until they were through the entire stack, which took about an hour. (Although she did stop to tell Toshinori to make himself at home, when she realized he might be thirsty or something.) It was a very quiet hour, and it would have been unnerving for Toshinori if he hadn't still had Izuku latched onto him, feeding him wisps of emotion as he read.

Once they'd gone through the whole stack, Inko started over from the beginning, and began to point out little details here and there and ask questions.

“I think most of it is reasonable enough,” she said. “We're not entitled to any of your income or royalties; that's fine. And we can't talk to the media about you. I'm alright with that. Izuku?”

Izuku nodded. “That's okay. I wasn't going to.”

“But this part here--” She pointed at it. “--says we're not allowed to tell anyone about the situation at all unless we have express written permission. That seems sort of... broad.”

Toshinori looked at the passage that Inko had indicated. “Uh, right. I told Suzuki I didn't think it was necessary, but he claims it's a safety precaution.”

“For you,” Inko said, and she did sound accusatory, but not overly much. “What happens if we break the contract? Suing us won't get you very much.”

“I wouldn't do that,” Toshinori tried to say, but Inko continued on.

“What if we need to tell someone and you're not around to give us permission? Like, Izuku's doctors? It just seems unreasonable. Dangerous, even. I get that you want to protect your status, but--”

Toshinori could feel Izuku begin to speak before he could hear the sound. “It's fine, mom,” he said. “It's not just for him. It's to protect us too. Remember that story a couple years ago? There was that lady who was kidnapped by villains because they thought they could use her to get to her husband?”

Inko pursed her lips, a slightly sour face. She clearly remembered the story, and how the woman had been tortured just to hurt her husband. Toshinori remembered it too; it had made him sick. It would have made anyone sick, especially anyone who was close to their soulmate.

“That's probably what Mr. Suzuki was thinking of,” Izuku added softly, and Toshinori could tell that he didn't quite believe in Suzuki's altruism (hard for him to, when he could feel Toshinori's own skepticism about the man), but that he did still believe the reasoning was fair.

A bit subdued, Inko nodded. “Well of course we won't go around telling everyone. I... just think it's a little silly to have to get it in writing like this.”

“You're right,” Toshinori said, shaking his head. “Leave that one, then. I'll get Suzuki to take it out.”

It went like that for another hour or so, Inko pointing out things she wasn't sure about and Toshinori mostly telling her to just cross them out, because honestly, Suzuki was going to be pissed, but who cared? There was no one in the world who mattered more right now than Izuku, and that necessarily made his mother pretty important too. Toshinori would do whatever it took to make them comfortable, and his manager could just deal with it.

By the time they were done, they'd tossed out about half of the papers and scratched through parts of most of the rest of them, and were left with a reasonable list of promises that read roughly like this:

The Midoriyas could not talk to the media about All Might, and they couldn't knowingly do anything that would jeopardize his career, and Izuku couldn't act in any way that would hinder All Might's ability to do his job as a hero. That was pretty much it, though the basic meaning was hidden in so many superfluous details that it had their heads spinning.

As for Toshinori, he would not infringe upon the Midoriyas' anonymity, or use his status to coerce or extort them in any way, and he would be responsible for any financial issues that resulted from their connection (including, but not limited to, doctor's bills and lawyer's fees).

Honestly though, they all knew that these were pretty moot points. If Izuku or his family broke any of these rules, there was really nothing that All Might's lawyers could do about it. And if All Might failed to uphold his end of the bargain, the Midoriyas could take him to court for it, but it would be inviting far more trouble than it was worth.

More than anything, though, they trusted each other enough for this whole paper-signing situation to be mostly just laughable. Getting the papers to Suzuki was not a high priority (well, he might have thought so, but he was a failure of a manager if he actually expected such a quick turnaround, after all these years), so Toshinori didn’t hurry off, instead offering to take the two out for lunch. “Oh, thank you, Toshinori,” Inko said sweetly, “but I’ve got some work to finish up. Why don’t you two go out and take advantage of the nice day?” At his elbow, Toshinori could feel Izuku’s slight surprise echoing against his own. Although Inko had only been supportive so far, they still couldn’t help expecting that she was going to try to keep them apart-- though maybe they were just projecting their reasonable fears about society onto the only other person who knew just yet. But whether or not she might be more strict about them seeing each other in the future, she seemed fine with it just now, and they were grateful. “Thanks,” Izuku told her with a sunny grin, while Toshinori nodded in agreement. “Want us to bring you anything?” Inko shook her head. “Just be back before it’s late! And stay safe!” They promised they’d be careful (in every possible way), and left the apartment together, walking close by but with their hands in their respective pockets-- the safest place for them, when they would have wandered if left to their own devices, gravitated naturally toward each other and the fulfilling feeling they provided. “So what did you think of the papers?” Toshinori asked, a relevant icebreaker to start conversation once they were on their way. “I hope they didn’t seem too strict.” Izuku grinned, and drifted close enough to bump their arms together. “They seemed fine,” he said, apparently unbothered by them. “Honestly, I’d sign whatever I had to. It’s already crazy that I even got to meet you. So, whatever I have to do now… I’ll do it.” That smile was an absolute slice of sunshine, and if Toshinori wasn’t warm just by their proximity, it would have done the job.

They wandered for some time, down towards the city center where they might find something for lunch (maybe something other than ramen, so they could expand the list of foods they knew they both liked), chatting a little. The topics were never anything consequential; Toshinori thought Izuku was still a little nervous around him and wasn’t sure what to say. He understood the feeling, even without a physical link, rather feeling that way himself. But Izuku also had the natural anxiousness of the young and quirkless (he remembered feeling that way), so Toshinori tried to guide the conversation in comfortable directions. Heroes were always a safe topic, and one with no end of iterations. They’d walked a few casual miles, keeping their attention slightly on their surroundings in case a good restaurant caught their eye, and were in the middle of discussing Kamui Woods when something else caught their attention. In the distance a block or so, there was a crowd gathered, their exclamations and worried murmurs rising to a concerning pitch just as an explosion shook the area. Many of the citizens shrieked and ran for cover, but plenty of them were still huddled around in a nervous fashion, like people observing either a train wreck or a predator from which prey could have no hope of escaping. Toshinori became aware of Izuku latching on to his arm more than he strictly felt it, the young man’s concern bleeding over into him and mixing with his own. He could feel Izuku’s natural empathy coming strong through the connection, something he’d only glimpsed the times before. There was something happening nearby, something that frightened and worried everyone; should he help? What could he even do? Should he stay out of the way? After all, they’d only just found each other, and to lose Toshinori now would be devastating; to be found out might be even worse! Izuku would hate himself if he ruined All Might’s career by causing a scandal, but he couldn’t just sit back if someone was in danger and, ahh, if only he had powers, if only he could do more than cling and be a burden to his soulmate and-- Oh, Toshinori thought. These were not his fears; they were Izuku’s. It was Izuku’s desire to help whoever might be in trouble, his desire and his desire and that was right, he wanted to help too. Of course he did. He was a hero, wasn’t he? There was only so worried he could be for his own safety and his reputation and Izuku shouldn’t worry either because it would be okay and I am here and it was amazing-- he really was the right one for him. The perfect soulmate, and maybe something more, but that was something he could think of later. The screams were louder now, and the worried murmurs too, and as an explosion shook the windows of a building half a block down they agreed they couldn’t turn away, not when there was a chance they could do something, anything. Even if there was no power left, it was still his duty, and he didn’t have to do this but yes he did. “You’re at your limit?” Izuku asked, glancing up at him through his fluffy bangs, concern bleeding out of him through more than just their physical connection. It couldn’t have been much more than a guess, but from his expression Toshinori could see that Izuku somehow knew it, like an intuition.

He nodded. “Essentially,” he replied. He wasn’t sure how to explain it in detail, but hoped a more nuanced understanding of it would flow through their bond. “I always have a reserve amount, but it’s… not much.” Izuku seemed to get it. “Maybe we can just… go see, if there’s something we can do.” That seemed fair; that seemed like the least they could do. Maybe there was something, some way to help. Inspired by each other, they jogged over to the scene and the crowd surrounding whatever trainwreck was keeping their attention so strongly. Toshinori froze down to his veins when they saw what was the cause of the commotion. It was a mutant; the same mutant he was sure he’d captured just the other day. Yes, he’d been distracted by Izuku’s presence, but he distinctly remembered turning the water bottle full of sludge over to the police before absconding with his new soulmate up to the rooftop. Izuku’s arm brushed Toshinori’s as he stepped closer in a subconscious bid at safety. How had the mutant escaped? Was it perhaps a different man after all? A twin, or someone with the same quirk? Had Izuku done something wrong? Distracted All Might from his task and caused the villain to escape? Was it the police’s fault? He glanced down at Izuku, who glanced up at him, and Toshinori shook his head. It’s not your fault, he said wordlessly, or Don’t worry about all that. And Izuku nodded, back on track after a momentary lapse of focus. How and why the mutant was here was of little concern. They both turned back to the scene at hand. “Okay, stand back and I’ll try to handle this,” Toshinori said, looking down at Izuku in a way he hoped was reassuring, and knowing anyway that he didn’t have to; Izuku could feel his determination, and every little ounce of worry that things might not go as planned. It was a nuance that Toshinori had learned to deal with in his life, and it was something Izuku was going to have to deal with as well. (Though given the boy’s penchant for overthinking, perhaps it wouldn’t be that much of a trial after all.) “Do you have enough energy?” Izuku asked nervously, obviously not wanting… well, all the things that could go wrong if Toshinori ran out at the wrong time. Toshinori laughed in soft self-depreciation. “Probably not,” he admitted. “But I’ll do what I can. That’s what it means to be a hero, right?” With Izuku’s arm still brushing his, he could feel the boy’s admiration, and it doubled in him and gave rise to a heroic rush he didn’t think he’d felt for years. Still, he waited for the right moment. That was another thing about being a hero; you couldn’t rush in blindly (not with his level of experience, anyway). He watched as the mutant swung his head around, like a cornered animal watching viciously for its enemies, and he could just about guess when it was going to let its guard down. Almost… he thought, his muscles tensing in anticipation. But just as he was about to spring forward, he felt a twinge of panic from Izuku’s side of the connection. It was a spike of recognition. Kacchan!

The roughest of drafts:

Izuku freaks out and runs to try to rescue him and they're all surprised when he actually manages to do some slight damage to the mutant; it's not enough to defeat him, but enough to stun him into dropping Bakugo, at which point Toshi transforms and rushes to finish him off. Tl;dr, turns out that a very tiny amount of Toshi’s power has become available to Izuku. (Make some note of the pain aspect, Toshi feeling Izuku’s pain from using OfA.)

Afterward, when Toshi is talking to reporters (and Izuku has managed to avoid at least a little of the reprimanding from canon, due to appearing to have some power) Izuku can feel the discomfort, Toshi’s power draining. Perhaps he plays the fan, comes to shake his hand as thanks for saving him and they're both a little surprised that it eases the discomfort, seems to give Toshi back a little strength. Izuku had just done it as an instinct, but in light of what had just happened with the power sharing, they're both very curious how this whole soulmate thing is going to work.

Toshi excuses himself from the crowd before too long and goes to find Izuku. He finds him being confronted by Bakugo, who knows that something is strange but doesn't know what (and is upset like in canon about Izuku trying to help him). Toshi tries to stay out of sight until Bakugo runs off, feeling that Izuku is confident enough in his ability to handle this. When they rejoin, Izuku explains who Bakugo is.

“[But enough about that.] Are you okay?”

They join hands. Toshi can feel that Izuku is fine but still he says, “It's you I'm concerned about. Do you know what you did back there?”

“That was your quirk,” he said, and Toshi nodded.

“Some of it, at least. Is your arm okay?”

Izuku stretched his arm out, wiggling his fingers. “It aches a little, but I'm okay. I'm just… I've never done anything like that before. It felt… kind of amazing.”

Toshi could tell that it was a little more than an ache, but that Izuku wasn't lying. It really wasn't hurting him much, and he was really feeling exhilarated. He remembered feeling like that when he first took the quirk himself.

Izuku’s side of the connection was curious and Toshi realized he could feel him thinking about his past. He debated with himself for a minute. Was this the right time to tell Izuku about his past? He would have to tell him some time, and there was no reason to wait. “I felt the same way the first time I used it,” he said. “When my mentor gave it to me. I was about your age.”

The feeling of surprise that Izuku emanated was not as much of a shock as he expected, more of a warm melting feeling, a soft realization. “You were ...quirkless? Someone gave you your quirk? But how?”

Toshi tells the story as they head back to the apartment, but they take a detour to sit somewhere and finish talking. (Way before this, Izuku texts his mom to tell her what happened and that they're fine and they'll be home in a while.) It's gotten dark by the time Toshi has finished telling of Nana and AfO and needing to pass OfA on, and they're sitting on a bench in a corner of a park or something.

“It was just an idea before,” Toshi says, “but now I'm pretty sure it's the right one. Would you be willing to take it? One for All?”

The surprise this time really is a shock, and it nearly knocks the breath out of him. “...Really?”

“You can tell I'm serious,” Toshi says with a smirk, and then he nods. “Yes. Really. It's the only thing that makes sense.”

He thinks of the reasons: he needs to pass it on, and Izuku wants a quirk, needs one to get into UA. And he's defenseless without one, a real danger with them together now. And he's already shown that he can handle it, at least a little.

“Should I think about it?” Izuku asks, looking unsure. He's probably thinking about all the things they talked about with his mother earlier, trying to be careful. But Toshi can tell he really wants it, and that's enough for him.

“If you want,” he says. “Take your time.” He knows that Izuku will say yes. (He's less sure if Inko will agree, but he knows that between the two of them, they can convince her.)

He can feel Izuku trembling, and it's with excitement he thinks. “Thank you,” Izuku says, almost breathlessly, and he leans forward and kisses Toshi, softly and quickly, and then looks him in the eyes for a short moment, twists his body in his direction more and leans in for another kiss. This one is a little deeper, lingering, not obscene but less than entirely chaste and Toshi can feel so so much through it, especially as he allows himself to kiss back. They don't take it far; Toshi can feel that Izuku knows there are boundaries, though Toshi is nervous about himself, unsure if he would be able to keep himself from crossing them, to stop when it was time. He's a bit anxious, but he's glad Izuku is reasonable, and he's excited and he's happy and they're melting into each other even though they've stopped kissing and it is finally Izuku who speaks up to interrupt them getting stuck in their twofold thoughts.

“I should get home. I have to tell my mom about all this. Am I… Can I tell her? About OfA?”

Toshi nods. “It's a big part of all of this. I guess she should know. And that'll give you a chance to talk it over with her. Decide if you want it.”

‘I do want it,’ he could tell Izuku was thinking, although maybe not in so many words. Izuku was trying to be patient and make smart decisions. He was doing his best to be worthy of being Toshi’s soulmate, and Toshi was overcome with affection for him. He hugged him close, and even more than the kissing, that was the most they'd ever felt, the most contact they'd ever made. It was less electric than kissing, but like an overblown, overexposed photo. They stayed there like that for a little while before they silently agreed to get up and go back.

The end of chapter 3, more or less.

Chapter four.

Izuku took a week to act like he was thinking about it, but in truth he'd decided almost immediately, and convinced his mom that it was a good idea (or that she should let him do it at least) on that first night, after Toshi had walked him home and said goodbye.

“Izuku! I saw on the news about that mutant attack! You're really alright? And Toshinori, and Katsuki?”

“We're fine mom! Toshinori saved us. But…” A pause. “With dad, have you ever… accidentally used his quirk before?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, looking a little worried. “I can feel when he's using it, but i've never breathed fire myself.”

Yeah, it wasn't anything he'd ever heard of before. Maybe it was because most people's quirks weren't that strong. Maybe it was because he was quirkless. Maybe… well there were a lot of reasons it could be. It didn't matter that much why; it had happened, and they'd both felt it.

“I used it. All Might’s power. Just a little bit of it.”

“Are you okay?”

He said he was fine, he thought, but Inko was skeptical. She remembered some times when he was younger, when he thought an injury was less serious than it was. She convinced him to go to the doctor tomorrow and he agreed, dismissively as he was so invested in telling her about Toshinori’s offer. She's a bit nervous about the idea but it doesn't take long for her to give in.

At the doctor's tomorrow (maybe only mentioned, not a scene) it turns out that Izuku did in fact fracture a bone in his arm. (Is a cast needed for that? Probably not.)

Later that afternoon, Toshinori texted him and asked if he was okay; his arm felt a little off. Izuku responds casually that it was just a fracture and he's fine, and Toshi fusses over him a little, apologizes for putting him in that situation. Izuku really is not bothered by it. Toshi doesn't ask if Izuku has decided and Izuku wonders if he's changed his mind. A week later, he says that he's decided to take OfA, if he's still offering it, and Toshi says that he'd be happy to give it to him, if he's really sure. But! There's no way Izuku is going to be able to handle it in his current state. They begin to train (though not until Izuku’s fracture heals). In the meantime, Izuku continues school, and Toshi continues work, and they see each roughly every weekend. Sometimes they'll meet out for lunch or sometimes Inko invites Toshi over for dinner.

(Cover some catch up. Mention Suzuki being annoyed about the edits to the paperwork etc)

It's a few weeks before they start to train, but of course it's much less covert than in canon. Inko knows exactly where they're going; Toshi has discussed it with them over dinners and such. He doesn't tell them that his plan is for Izuku to clean up the trash on the beach until they get there though.

The next several months are a more efficient training than canon. After Toshi is pretty sure Izuku has grown strong enough, they try the power-share again, and Izuku is able to start using the very tiny percentage of OfA, sometimes. It works if he's recently been in physical contact with Toshi, and fades after a minute or two. It's not enough to do anything very heroic, but it is a significant boost to Izuku’s natural strength, allowing him to move items several times his normal weight limit.

(They also find that Izuku can actually use a version of OfA that is more than twice as powerful as his tiny version, only if Toshi is currently in contact with him. However, Izuku hurt himself the first time they did that, so they avoid it until much later.)

They still don't have a perfect grasp on Izuku’s ability to handle it by the time they transfer it to him, but it's better than canon, and they do it earlier so he has more chance to practice. He has at least some ability to use it at half-power before the entrance exam (chapter 5). The only reason he hurts himself so badly there is because he freaked out and wasn't careful.

Training is pretty fun for them. It's more like play than in canon, with Izuku showing off, carrying Toshi around, silly stuff like that. He's moderately less concerned about being a hero, mostly because Toshi is so constantly encouraging so he doesn't worry about it. And he knows that even if he doesn't make it somehow, he's still got Toshi and nothing can take that away.

Aside from training, they still spend a good amount of time together. Events and holidays and such. Izuku meets Suzuki. Toshi invites Izuku (and probably Inko) to his place once or twice, though they still spend most of their time out or at the Midoriyas’ apartment. Inko politely requests that they not stay at Toshi’s place. (She isn't /too concerned, but she just wants them to know that she has some kind of expectations about how they'll handle their relationship. She half expects Izuku to go behind her back in some of those regards.)

Izuku has his 15th birthday not long after they start training (might have to look this one up) or thereabouts. He has mixed emotions about this, and about inviting Toshi to his ‘party’ (probably just a fancy-ish dinner with his mother (maybe dad too?) Since he doesn't have any friends). He wants Toshi there, of course, but he's somewhat embarrassed about still being only 15, and doesn't want to draw attention to it. On the other hand, he's also excited to be getting older, closer and closer to the age that it would be appropriate for he and Toshi to act however they liked. (This birthday scene goes in early middle of chapter.)

More holidays: Christmas, new years, Valentine's day. Maybe just slight mentions of those.

Chapter ends when Toshi wishes Izuku luck at the entrance exam. He kisses him and Izuku is a little shocked because Toshi is rarely if ever the one to initiate that sort of thing. He heads to the exam, excited and confident.

Chapter 5.

Toshi heads to UA (potentially along with Izuku), and goes to watch the exam with his fellow teachers. He's met them several times and they know about his injury and resting form, but only Nedzu knows that Izuku is his soul mate. Most of the others are familiar enough with him to know that he doesn't have one, and many assume that he's one of the few who will never have one.

When the exam starts though, they might be able to tell that he is on edge, excited but nervous. However, they are all focused as well. It's not until Izuku smashes the robot (and everyone is shocked) and Toshi reacts to the pain that they notice the connection between them. He's not incapacitated (like Izuku is) but he is distressed and in pain and having to deal with the commotion from the other teachers. (Choose one teacher to perhaps help him out.)

As soon as he's able, he goes to Izuku. (At some point he calls Inko to let her know what's happened, and she's worried and upset and he has to talk her down until she realizes that he's upset too.) In the infirmary, Izuku is knocked out, which Toshi already knew, could tell because the pain subsided very quickly. Chiyo looks up when he comes in, obviously connecting the dots.

“He made quite a mess of himself,” she tells him, pulling up a chair next to Izuku’s bed for him. She tells him the details of what Izuku broke. “But he'll recover.”

“Thank you,” Toshi says, reaching out to carefully run his hands over Izuku’s arm, laying his hand on the side of his face, thinking about if this was a good idea, etc.

Eventually, Izuku wakes up and they talk. A few people might come by in the meantime. Izuku is eventually clear to go home. Toshi takes him. Izuku asks if he passed, knowing that Toshi was there, and all Toshi can say is that he thought he did a good job, but he doesn't know for sure. (He later finds out that Izuku scored quite well, but refrains from telling him, letting Izuku get the letter from the school.)

He gets a phone call from Izuku after the letters have gone out, and he can feel a sense of excitement even before he picks up. Izuku is crying on the other end. “Why didn't you tell me I made it?!” But he is obviously extremely happy.

Out on patrol or something, Toshi can't stop grinning for the rest of the day. When someone asks him, he just says that he's excited for new opportunities.

Chapter 6

Izuku and Toshi both begin at UA. Izuku has already made friends with a few people from the exam, and of course he knows Bakugo. Bakugo is extra suspicious of him, confused about how he's got a quirk suddenly, and knowing that he's been acting strange the whole past year. He might even suspect that they're both related to izuku’s soul mate, considering the timing.

School is, of course, plenty for them to focus on, but izuku and Toshi are still very focused on each other as well. Toshi treats izuku much the same as in canon, inviting him for lunch and etc, “playing favorites”. But since the other teachers know they're soulmates (at least, some do?) they don't criticize him quite as much for it.

Toshi and izuku continue to progress in their relationship, lightly, balancing their personal and professional relationships. They act very casual around each other and have to be careful not to be too casual in front of the class.

Izuku makes friends, which is sort of new for him. He loves them and wants to be open with them about his situation, but he can't. He's thought about telling, but he knows he can't break the rules they set. It's harder when perhaps the rumor (true rumor? What do you call that?) goes around about how he was affected by the soul link pain when he was little. He can easily tell his friends that it's not bad anymore, but it's hard having to pretend he doesn't know who it is. (Also may have to decide about sub-pairings? Otherwise it will be very hard for any of the other students to talk about their experiences. If they had mates in the class (like most ships) they would likely find out very quickly.)

Most people won't immediately assume it's All Might, even if they spend a lot of time together.

Key point: they hone their energy sharing, as Toshi becomes a bit exhausted some days. Simply being in contact for a while (lunch or something) acts as a recharge for him. When the other staff figure this out, they're much more accepting of izuku hanging out in the staff lounge.

(Need to rewatch to see what the first few weeks are like.)

Maybe include some scenes with Inko.

Chapter 7

This is the USJ incident. Toshi gets caught up in work and is late to help at USJ, but less late than in canon because he feels/hears Izuku crying out for him. Don't have to describe most of the USJ events because it's from Toshi POV, but have to decide when he gets there and if it all goes more smoothly.

The way that Toshi and izuku act towards each other (calling by their first names, extreme familiarity and working together) is what starts to tip off some of the students, though it's not relevant at the time.

The encounter is a little easier this time, with the power-share (this is probably the first time they try it out seriously) and the desperation to save each other (and the others) echoing between them.

Any character who takes notice of their bond and quirk in canon is likely to notice the soul link instead.

After the incident, emotions are running high. This was the first time they were honestly scared of losing each other. They want to hold each other for a very long time. Perhaps they are seen by some of the students (who maybe chalk it up to generic relief over the situation, but would definitely file it away for later). Later, they still don't want to let each other go, and perhaps spend their first night together (not necessarily sexual or anything), Inko having not allowed them to do so before.

Emotional wrap-up; they're scared but calmed by each other's presence. They know they can handle the future together.

END? (of this particular story, probably) Brainstorming, notes, and ideas for further fics in the series

And the notes below: (my shorthand for the characters is IM = Izuku Midoriya, AM= All Might, IMmom = Inko (not shorthand in that case I know lol, I think I didn’t want people reading over my shoulder)) >>>"Touch" sequel

A lot of people actually expressed an interest in this, so let me jot down my ideas-- as well as their ideas.

AM and IM have met, and now keep in touch. How has this changed their lives? Well now whenever they feel a strange pain, they'll call or text each other to make sure they're okay. They're both aware of what their relationship would be, if IM was older, and so is his mom, and so is pretty much everyone else that knows. In fact, most people assume that they're 'together' anyway, and it causes some tension. They try to keep it mostly under wraps, but it's nearly impossible. IM's friends and classmates are sure to notice, and AM's manager thinks maybe they should just come out with it. For their part, IM and AM just want to enjoy each others' presence and keep their moral concerns personal. IM is of course more brave (between the two of them), while AM knows he's 'supposed' to refrain. In public, they're both very good about it.

Some time in the future, after they've really adjusted to each other, and the drama (at least from their friends and family) has died down, they take to being heroes together, as they at some point realize how much more receptive they are when they're together/touching.

Questions! :

--Does IM still get OfA? (I'm leaning towards yes? Most of the rest of the story wouldn’t make sense if he didn’t.)

--How do friends/family react? Some people are jealous? BK particularly? IMmom is as supportive as possible, but she still worries for IM. As time goes on, if IM get OfA, she worries for AM too. (What about AM's cop friend?? I dunno, haven't thought about him much.)

--How do media/people react? Manager wants to tell, because he knows people will find out and it's better to come out with it before they do. But AMIM want to stay private. Perhaps at the tournament, it is no longer possible to avoid media attention. Someone notices AM's discomfort when IM fights TS, notices IM look to the stands for AM before doing something reckless. When they find out, it's all anyone wants to talk about. AM's thin form becomes very useful for avoiding the media.

--Perhaps around then, IM is kidnapped to be used against AM?

--When things are calm, AMIM often text each other just to talk-- sometimes in the night. "I miss you" IM texts. "Is that what you were thinking of?" AM asks, aware that IM is awake and wound up, and winding him up too. This is before they've really worked out how things are supposed to go between them. IM is bold; AM is holding himself back.

-- IM goes to UA, begins to use quirk. -- AMIM work harder at managing IM’s abilities than in canon, because its effects are more obvious on them. -- AM starts at UA as a teacher; AMIM have to hide their link. IM has not told anyone. AM had to tell the staff. -- When the villains attack, AM gets there sooner, as he’s tipped off by their link. Things happen about the same. -- (Should I bother to include that part if nothing is significantly different? Leaning towards no. Maybe just touch on it.) -- At the tournament, that’s when people take notice of AMIM’s link. (IM’s friends have already begun to notice.) -- After that, it’s all anybody wants to talk about. AMIM are in the spotlight, though UA tries to protect them. -- The media begins to gossip about them, some piecing the puzzle together about their quirks. Some guess that IM is AM’s son (and has inherited his quirk). (It’s not unheard of for family to be platonic soulmates.) -- Manager makes them come out with an official statement finally, despite their reluctance. -- IM receives many invitations to intern with heroes. For safety’s sake, they turn them all down, except Torino. -- IM goes to train with Torino, covertly, while AM stays behind to deal with the PR mess. -- Things happen about as usual. Maybe only touch on this part as well? Not super relevant to the AU. -- IM thinks about AM during the fight with HK, and AM wants to get to him, knowing something is wrong, but knows he won’t make it in time. (Remember, “Touch” was 3rd person limited-omniscient. POV can be from IM, AM, and other relevant characters.) -- Would AM be allowed to test IM during the midterms? Maybe gloss over that part. Especially towards the end of Season 2, go more vaguely into the ending, to avoid making it obvious that you have no idea what happens after that. XD; Isolate the emotional core of the story (the emotional drama or problem) to solve in the final scenes, even if it avoids canon entirely. That’s preferable, in fact. Points to write, unrelated to canon occurrences: : -- AMIM want to spend a lot of time together, but they must balance their responsibilities. IMmom is pretty understanding and allows them a lot of freedom. -- Manager (needs name) is less understanding, hounds them to release a press statement. -- Most of their time together is spent in private or secluded places. Obvs, they frequent the beach for training. -- They often text and talk to each other on the phone, nightly if they haven’t seen each other. -- AM is still struggling a little bit with the fact that IM is so young, but he’s impressed by IM’s emotional maturity. -- IM is over the moon about AM, not enduring nearly the moral struggle AM is. He’s not an idiot, and he’s not oblivious, but he doesn’t think that there’s anything particularly wrong with them messing around a little. He’s considerate enough not to wind AM up when he’s busy or they’re in public, although sometimes he can’t help how he feels. (Being ‘turned on’ isn’t really strong enough of a feeling to cross the link; only acting on it is.) -- For his part, AM (at first, at least) tries not to touch himself, or at least only when he thinks IM is sleeping. Eventually they come to the conclusion that that’s not working out well-- and the most logical way to handle it, so as not to inconvenience either of them, is to go at the same time/ at set times. -- That is the most AM allows them to do (hugging/cuddling is totally fine, limited kissing is okay), and even that seems like too much to him, but he compromises with himself because he knows it would be worse if he didn’t. (It’s not as if he’s going to convince a 16-year-old to stop touching himself for 2+ years, and though his own urges are less frequent, it’s been uncomfortable trying to hold back entirely.) He doesn’t allow them to touch each other, and IM is actually pretty okay with this. Well, he respects it, at least. He’s just happy to have AM in whatever capacity he can. Some notes regarding the universe: -- laws regarding consent ages are a bit more lax, given the soulmate thing. AMIM would be more-or-less within their right to do whatever they want with each other, as long as IMmom is okay with it. And even if she weren’t, they could apply to be married, even at IM’s young age, by passing a test that proves they’re soulmates.(I don't think they'll do this. Manager would have a heart attack. ...then again, maybe he'd like the idea…) -- however, there is still certainly a stigma about age-difference relationships, particularly where one party is underage.

Story 1 plot points to mention our resolve:

-- telling IM that his mom already knew

-- AM coming to terms with IM being a fan

-- AM telling IM his real name

-- AM telling manager about IM immediately. (Might be a good point to start with.)

To time skip or not to time skip? I'm leaning towards not. New outline, after I've written a bit.

1. AM talks to manager, Suzuki, and tells him about the whole situation, almost entirely honest. They decide to keep it a secret until AM has a successor. (AM POV)

2. AMIM go on a date, where they talk about both applying to UA. IM wonders what AM is not telling him. They hold hands. AM brings up the paperwork Suzuki wants them to sign, and IM agrees. (IM POV)

3. AM sees something that convinces him to offer OFA to IM. (AM POV)

4. IM begins to train for OfA. (IM POV)

5. IM goes to UA entrance exam. (AM POV)

6. They begin at UA, and try to figure out how to act around each other, after they've had so much private time over the past months. (IM POV)

7. The villains attack UA, AMIM touch-team to beat them, and people start to really put their relationship together. (AM POV)

END S1. Ugh how did this get so long that I have to separate it by season?!

Touch2 titles:

Some related words: Touch, feel, sense, sensation, emotion, Touch, touched, touching, touches, touchstone, touch-tone, aftertouch, finishing touch, retouch, out of touch, in touch, untouched, Touched can mean: physically touched (he touched my arm), lightly mentioned (he touched upon the issue), emotionally moved (he was touched by the story), brought together metaphorically (their lives touched), affected (his life was touched by his decisions) Touch, taste, smell, see, hear

Leaning towards using other ‘touch’ words for different parts of overall story.

Touch - original story

Retouch(ed) - this story

Touch-up - maybe the next part

Finishing touch - the last story (though there might be another in between)

Untouchable - first nsfw side story, before izuku is of age, on the phone with each other, feeling the echoes of their actions.

Untouched - second nsfw side story, when izuku comes of age and they finally get together physically.

Aftertouch - epilogue (years in future, maybe, working together)

In touch - side stories taking place in the timeline of the story

Out of touch - side stories taking place before or after story, or from different character's point of view or about different characters.

Chapter quotes: Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.

-Edwin Hubbell Chapin (Chapter 1, Retouch) The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.

-Helen Keller The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him, a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.

-Pearl Buck Aim for your star, no matter how far, you must reach high above and touch your life with love, you must never look back, but charge on! Attack! See your goal your star of desire, see it red hot, feel it burning, you must be obsessed with it to make it your true yearning, be ready my friends for when you truly believe it, you will certainly achieve it and by all of God’s universal laws you will always receive it!

-Bob Smith We do not do well except when we know where the best is and when we are assured that we have touched it and hold its power within us. (lol god this one is awfully literal)

-Joseph Joubert If you can learn from hard knocks, you can also learn from soft touches.

-Carolyn Kenmore, Mannequin: My Life as a Model When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

-Henri Nouwen And that’s everything I’ve got about Touch/Retouch! I might clean up that third chapter and post it some day, but *shrug*.

#elo fics #Dekumight #long post

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