#sorry about this unhinged rambling I’m currently sobbing into a pillow | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hepataetis · 6 years

Text

right here (.jungkook)

✧ pairing; jungkook x female!reader

✧ summary; tensions are running higher than ever after [y/n] is revealed to be the girlfriend of jeon jungkook, resulting in her receiving constant hate. a heated argument between the two allows emotions to pour and tears to be spilled.

✧ genre; angst, fluff (?)

✧ words ; 2k (2057)

✧ song inspiration; lil peep ft. horsehead - right here +

✧ ji’s a/n; not requested, but idk i felt like i needed it haha. a type of comfort, i guess? enjoy~ i hope i made you emotional!

* spell checked once. finished @ 2:39 AM EST

tell me that i'm dumb, i love to get numb

i know that i’m young but i'm still right here

i don't give a fuck, i love who i love

and girl you're that one so i'll wait right here

The worst part of it all is that he's never there.

(Y/N) dragged her feet down the hallways of her small complex, her eyelids heavy as she was drowsy with exhaustion. Her entire body ached due to yet another tiresome day at work. It was a relief to arrive at her sanctuary.

That's what she'd like to believe.

She froze at the sight of multiple letters strewn across her doormat, and she gulped at the knawing feeling growing at the pits of her stomach. She prayed it wasn't what she thought it was. Crouching down, she rested her keys and purse to the ground before lazily grasping onto an envelope, easily tearing it open to read its content. Her eyes scanned the paper and as she reached the end, the trembling of her fingers grew stronger and her grip onto the flimsy hate letter loosened. She pushed her tongue out to lick her dry lips before pursing them tightly.

The letter softly fell to the ground, and (Y/N) could only remain in place, her body shaking at the emotions sending her into a small breakdown. It had only been a week since she revealed herself to society as Jeon Jungkook's girlfriend, and the hate has already reached past social media to her front step. How long would they continue to torture her? The question lingered in her head as she stared at the pile, her body unhinging, yet the growing lump in her throat suffocating her. Finally, after what felt like hours, she rose to her feet with her belongings in one hand.

Inserting a key into the doorknob, (Y/N) stepped over the pile and weakly pushed herself inside the dark apartment. It smelt of stale air due to her being away all day. She threw her shoes and other things to the side, closing the door behind her and making a beeline for the couch. She could care less about anything at the moment. She collapsed into its soft pillows and released a long sigh.

At least Jungkook promised to visit. It was the small things that counted, right? Sliding a hand into her pocket, she slipped out her phone and she couldn't help but allow a small smile to curl onto her pink lips. Jungkook's bright face was across her screen, making a silly expression with her beside him, poking at his cheeks. He made her heart swell. Even as life becomes more overwhelming, he still manages to remain perfect in every way possible. His smile, his personality, his laugh, and his unending love for her.

She loved him so much.

Yet she couldn't help but wonder how long would she be able to handle this?

Unlocking her phone, she quickly tapped onto Jungkook's contact and allowed the phone to ring for a few moments.

"Babe?" Jungkook muttered into the phone, and immediately (Y/N) felt her chest squeeze in worry.

He sounded so exhausted, his tired voice was evident and she couldn't help but furrow her brows. "Kookie, you sound terrible..." (Y/N) murmured, and received a chuckle in response. "I'm okay, don't worry. I just finished practicing so that's why." He explained, his tone becoming lighthearted, most likely to prevent her from worrying anymore. "Well, it's okay! You're coming over so I can give you my signature massage. I'll cook, too. And we can watch a movie. I'm off tomorrow, thank goodness." As she rambled on about her hopeful plans, she abruptly halted. He wasn't responding. "Jungkook...?" She trailed off, and once again her stomach twisted and turned with a sick feeling. "(Y/N), I'm... I'm so sorry. I can't make it today."

Her heart dropped so fast that she couldn't even control herself. "Why not?" (Y/N) questioned, unable to hide the frustration lacing her tone. "I have to record this song. You'll love it, babe. I'll make sure to show you later." Jungkook let out a dry chuckle, in a poor attempt to relieve her from any negative emotion, but (Y/N) couldn't find any of this funny.

Maybe it had been the exhausting day at work, the death threat she had received, or the bottled feelings inside of her, but his words finally set her off. "Later? When? Next month? Because that's probably gonna be the last time I ever see you, isn't it?!" She exclaimed, yet couldn't stop her voice from trembling. "I- What? (Y/N), please don't be mad. I'm just so busy, but we'll see each other soon." He pleaded softly, but it failed to reach her current state. "I...I need you right now and you can't even be here for me..." Forcing these words out caused her eyes to sting, blinking her tears away. "Did something happen? Talk to me, (Y/N). What happened?"

"Everything. But you wouldn't know that." Scoffing, (Y/N) pressed the hang up button; she didn't have the energy to explain herself. In fact, she didn't even know herself. She didn't know why she snapped. But all she wanted was to be beside him, and he isn't even here to do that. He won't ever be, wouldn't he? A few tears slipped across her rosy cheeks and dripped from her chin. She sniffled, digging her face into her arm to wipe away her sorrows. Once again, she'd have to cook dinner alone, wash her dishes alone, and fall asleep alone. At least she could roll over in bed to the cold spot where Jungkook was supposed to be.

Tomorrow, she'd feel good enough to apologize and continue to endure this pain.

Once again, she wondered how long would she be able to handle this?

Rising to her feet, (Y/N) glanced towards her front door, her mind drifting onto the pile outside. She found herself opening the door again, using both arms to hold the batch of letters and used her feet to close it once more. She plopped onto the couch, setting the envelopes beside her and released a small huff. It felt like it was staring back at her. Taunting her. Fuck it. She grabbed onto one, ripping it open and read the hateful comments. It still baffles me that Jungkook oppa is with you. You're not even an idol. You're not a performer. You're normal. Why is he with you? (Y/N) snorted, wondering the exact same question herself. What did he see in her? Why did he choose her? Maybe if he didn't, she'd be happier. Sniffling, (Y/N) already felt herself becoming emotional once more. Yet she tossed the letter onto the ground, and instead of burning the rest, she continued to read another one. And another one. And another one.

It wasn't until the sound of the doorbell ringing snapped her from her obsessive reading, but she ignored it. It wasn't anyone important. She glanced at the letters. They wanted her to die. They wanted her to disappear. Was it a mistake to fall in love with him? Sobs racked her body weak as she dropped the final letter, allowing her head to fall back. Her crying came to an abrupt halt when the sound of her door unlocking echoed in the empty apartment. "(Y/N)?" Suddenly hearing his voice sent her into practical hysteria. "Why are you here, Jungkook?!" She quickly looked at the ground, messily wiping her face to hide her previous tears. "I was worried about you. Could you please talk to me?" He asked softly, but glanced at the pile of opened envelopes. "What are these...?" His question trailed off as he slightly leaned forward to grip onto a letter, quickly scanning it. Immediately, a sinking feeling hung to his chest and he quickly snapped his head towards his sniffling girlfriend.

"(Y/N), this is... this is terrible... Babe..." Jungkook rushed to her side, swiftly taking a seat beside (Y/N)'s shaking body. "Don't touch me. Leave me alone!" She snapped, turning her body towards the opposite side. "Babe, just look at me. Can't you just do that?" He gripped onto her shoulders, an action he would regret in the next few moments. "I said don't fucking touch me!" She screeched, finally snapping her head upwards to reveal her tear stricken face. Her eyes were red and puffy as snot leaked messily from her nose. She pushed her hands into his chest, forcing him to back away. "Just go away." Standing on her feet, (Y/N) stomped towards the door and pointed a strong index finger towards it. "Leave! I don't even remember telling you where the damned key was." She grumbled.

"I'm not leaving you," Jungkook stated, rising from the couch and taking long strides towards her. "Go away!" She yelled once more, gulping. Her breathing became heavy as her anger increased. "No." He said with firmness, raising his voice slightly. "You're so annoying! Just leave me be!" As soon as he was too close for comfort, (Y/N) violently shoved him once more. He stumbled backward. "Please leave me alone!" Her frustration quickly turned into desperation as she pleaded for her solitude. She almost felt embarrassed for seeming so pitiful. He stood before her, earning him another rough shove. Yet each time he was pushed away, he only came back with his arms wide open.

(Y/N) stood before him, her body numb yet her heart raced. "Why are you still here..." She muttered. Jungkook tugged onto the corners of his lips. "Because I love you." His arms wrapped around her small frame, allowing her face to drop into his chest. His shirt smelt of sweat and laundry detergent because of practice. "I love you. And I'm always going to be right here." His words sent her into an erratic state of emotions. Sobs erupted from the deepest pits of her stomach as it echoed through the still apartment. She practically screamed, but it came out muffled as she began to bury herself in his chest. Tears leaked from her puffy eyes nonstop, dampening his shirt quite easily. Her sobs had become so violent that noise stopped escaping her lips, and instead, there were gasps of air.

"I'm just so tired of feeling not good enough!" (Y/N) cried, her heart constricting as her feelings began to pour out. "I love you so much because you're so amazing." Her throat throbbed with each word she spoke, trying to emphasize her sincerity. "And I'm afraid that one day, you're going to realize that you deserve better. Not a shitty girlfriend who gets mad at you for doing your fucking job!" Her statement sliced through Jungkook's chest, and soon tears had also escaped from his eyes. He gripped onto her body, his nose settling into the crook of her neck. Her chest heaved as she choked and sputtered while sniffling, depending on Jungkook's lean body to keep her from collapsing.

"You're everything I need. You're so perfect, and I truly appreciate you for not leaving me yet. I..." Jungkook sniffled, gulping his need to cry out. "I know I'm not the best boyfriend. I can't be there for you one hundred percent of the time." He spoke, his voice unsteady, yet he managed to firmly grip onto her shoulders. He pulled away to stare into her bloodshot eyes, saddened at her face still coated in snot and tears. "But I will never stop loving you. You... complete me." (Y/N)'s bottom lip quivered as his emotional statement settled in her mind. She'd never forget his expression; the small tears running down his face as he held onto her for dear life. "And I could care less about what anyone says. I love who I love. I'll always be right here. We can talk tonight, you know? We could work on some stuff-"

Before Jungkook could finish, (Y/N) had already pressed her lips against his. His entire body melted. He could taste the saltiness of her tears on her soft lips faintly, yet this only caused him to deepen the kiss. His muscles relaxed as he slid his arms around her waist instead. "I'm sorry..." She mumbled. "Don't ever apologize. I know I'm young, but that doesn't change how I feel about you." His sweet words only urged her to cry even more, but she decided to hold back.

"I know. You'll always be right here."

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