Volume 35 drops on July 4th which means the contents will get uploaded by somebody I’m sure

And I stg if the belly band is Tomura and Izuku casually existing in the same space—I don’t even care what they’d be saying—just if they’re chillin there talking like everything is fine (like the other belly bands usually have), I will never shut up again.

I also wonder what the underneath cover is gonna have on it since it’s usually extra content pertaining to the final cover.

AND WHAT WILL THE BACK COVER BE

All of these things I have to know

Late in the Night | Part Four

Previous part

Prompt: Friends have a bet how long it will take the ship to get together (Content Challenge Day 7)

Pairing: Legolas x Female Reader

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 1602

Warnings: None

Challenge participants: @game-ofthe-company @grunid @themerriweathermage @errruvande @the-reformed-ringwraith @awkwardkindatries

^^ Hey! If I haven't commented on your post(s) yet, it just means I haven't gotten the chance to read them. School has been ramping up, but as I have free moments, I'll be going back and looking at all your challenge posts <3

A/n: You guys...IT'S THE LAST PROMPT OF THE CONTENT CHALLENGE! What?! Thank you so much to everyone who participated and interacted with our posts. I had such a blast creating this past week and getting to know each and every one of you. I think it would be fun to do something like this again in the future, so let me know if you would like to be involved in planning/get updates! 

As always, I encourage you to check out the accounts tagged above and our masterlists! You can find the challenge masterlist here and my personal masterlist here. Okay, enjoy :)

Aragorn waits, keeping an eye on the trees.

The minute his friends from the eastern inn arrive, they will leave town.

He had a pleasant night — private room, hot bath, well-prepared meals — but is ready to get back on their journey. For all he knows, the brief rest he allowed them could have already cost them vital time.

That thought causes him to pace.

“Calm yourself, dear friend, they will be along shortly,” Gandalf councils.

Aragorn tries to heed the wise wizard’s advice. Sure enough, he soon hears the light sounds of feet crushing grass and twigs, and knows they are close.

The four of them break into sight at roughly the same time, and Aragorn notices two things:

One, Legolas and Y/n refuse to look at each other.

Two, Gimli wears a grin bright enough to rival the sun.

Aragorn knows he must speak with the dwarf as soon as possible.

Something has happened.

Merry, who doesn’t get enough credit for his observation skills, notices the oddities too, and elbows Pippin in the side. Their eyes grow wide, and it takes everything in them not to shout guesses as to what this means.

It is a good while before Aragorn, Pippin, Merry, and Gimli have a chance to convene and discuss the new development. All four of them, though of course dedicated to the task at hand, desperately want a resolution to their ongoing bet.

It had started innocently enough.

Merry made an off-hand comment about how well Legolas and Y/n seem to get along. Gimli noticed the lass was a clumsier fighter when Legolas was watching. Aragorn realized his friend seemed nervous around the human woman. Pippin saw how each of them smiled brighter when the other was near.

Somehow or other, the four of them had put together their observations, and the rest is history.

The bet was born.

Each of them had put down fifteen coins and a deadline, losing the coins if Legolas and Y/n did not become a couple by the deadline, and winning coins if they did. Knowing his friend’s shy nature well, Aragorn had given the two the lengthiest allowance — six months. Pippin and Merry recognized the bold nature of humans, and guessed it would only take four months for Y/n to speak her mind and Legolas to reciprocate. Gimli, on the other hand, thought the two were already head-over-heels for each other and wouldn’t be able to keep quiet about it, and had given them only a month and a half.

Each participant, knowing his deadline was drawing nearer, had taken steps to push the two in the right direction.

The hobbit friends moved Legolas’ and Y/n’s bedrolls closer when they weren’t looking.

Aragorn put them on watch together. A lot. To the point where he actually felt bad about the bags under Y/n’s eyes.

But Gimli, perhaps, had been the boldest of them all, and proudly tells his friends so the moment they are alone much later that evening.

“Quickly, they are suspicious why it took four of us to gather firewood and herbs,” Aragorn mutters, darting a quick glance in the direction of camp.

“Yes, just get on with it,” Pippin squeaks, then throws a hand over his mouth, knowing he might alert Legolas with his volume.

“Alright, listen up lads.” Gimli grins and proudly tells his tale. “Boromir and I got to the inn first, as planned, and the innkeeper asked how many were in our party. I said two, and the innkeeper made a comment how it was good we didn’t have more folk waiting outside, as his inn was almost full. Well, that got me thinkin’, so I inquired how many more rooms were available. The innkeeper said two, not including the ones Boromir and I purchased. So I whipped out my velvet pouch and paid for another room, fibbin’ a bit and saying I might have a lady friend visiting and wasn’t sure if she would want to sleep in my room or not after our activities.” He wiggles his eyebrows in response to the stunned looks of his friend.

Aragorn shakes his head slowly, a bemused smile setting in his lips. “So you paid for an extra room just to force Legolas and Y/n into sharing?”

“Right you are,” Gimli grins, placing his fists on his hips. “It wasna even that expensive — I’ll make it back three times over, now that I’ve won this thing.”

“Ah, ah, ah, hold on,” Merry holds up a hand, halting Gimli’s gloat. “You can’t prove they did or said anything to start a courtship, so you haven’t won!”

“They won’t even look at each other and the elf’s as red as a strawberry, of course something happened,” Gimli practically shouts.

Aragorn, reliably a voice of reason, intervenes. “We shall have to inquire then, but be smart about it. We do not want to jeopardize their potential courtship with our game.”

The companions agree, then quickly turn to the forest, gathering firewood and herbs to supplement Sam’s soup and their cover story.

{***}

Back at camp, Legolas sits on a low tree branch, keeping watch over all his friends.

But mostly Y/n.

He cannot pull his eyes from her face. She sits on a rock, staring into the fire, absently cleaning the mud from her boots. Without permission, his mind goes back to the way he held her this morning, tucked against his chest, her leg wrapped around his. It was wildly improper, and he should be ashamed of himself.

But he doesn’t feel ashamed. Because the way they woke up this morning didn’t feel improper, it felt natural. With all his heart, Legolas wants to wake up like that every morning — his favorite person kept safely against his side. He wants to guard her and give her a wonderful life and bring her home and have his people adore her, too.

Legolas’ resolve hardens, because he knows he can no longer keep this to himself. Y/n has a right to know how he feels, because it affects her too.

He pushes himself from the branch, landing on the ground in silence. With four long strides, he stops beside her, reaching down a hand. “Will you talk with me?”

She looks up at him, nerves like she’s never felt before erupting within her. But she gathers her courage, forces what she hopes is a smile, and takes Legolas’ hand.

She wonders what he’ll say.

All day, she had been lost in embarrassment. Somehow in the night, she’d thrown her leg over his and practically attached herself to his chest — who does that?! And he’d said nothing when they woke up, only got up and went about his routine like normal.

So obviously, he doesn’t feel anything for her.

And that’s what this conversation has to be about.

Briefly, though, she allows herself to remember what it felt like to be in his embrace, and knows that she will cherish that feeling forever.

The warmth of his hand in hers helps her hold on to that memory and, to her surprise, when they reach a secluded spot, he does not let go. No, he takes her other hand in his, clutching both tightly.

Legolas nearly shakes with nerves, and he wonders if she can tell? Does she know how he feels like he might be sick? Oh, he has never felt anxiety like this before, and desperately wishes for it to be gone.

So he wastes no time in putting himself out of his misery.

“I want to be with you.”

Y/n blinks. Surely she can’t have heard him correctly? “What?”

Legolas sighs — her reaction gives him no indication how she feels either way. He bolsters his courage, and tries again. “I feel affection for each member of this Fellowship. But whereas I love the others as if they were my kin, I am unable to deny that how I love you is different. Elves live long lives and thus take matters of the heart very seriously. And, well,” he shrugs, all eloquence leaving him the moment he sees the shy, hopeful smile spread across her lips. “My heart is with you.”

Y/n can hardly believe her ears. She thought that he didn’t…that there was no chance of…but rather than dwell on all her miscalculations, or the myriad of dangers that haunt their future, she decides to just enjoy the moment. She throws her arms around Legolas’ neck, and he grips her tightly against him.

She turns her cheek to rest on his shoulder, unable to contain her grin. “You hold mine as well. I love you, Legolas.”

He pulls back only to rest his forehead against hers, head swimming from the joy of her acceptance and at being this close to her. “And I love you.” She lets out a giddy laugh and he closes his eyes, soaking in the sound. But then he focuses again, for there is something important he still must ask. “Will you accept my offer of courtship?”

Y/n can’t help herself from bumping her nose against his affectionately, and it feels so wonderful, so free to be with him this way. She has no desire for her future to continue without him, and so, her answer is found easily. “Of course.”

Relief settles in Legolas’ bones, the nerves finally leaving him and being replaced with happiness.

Just as their lips meet, the four friends break through the tree-line, back from collecting supplies.

Gimli’s triumphant shout can be heard for miles.

“Pay up, lads!”

A/n The end! This is the last chapter of this mini-series! Thanks for sticking with me as I had some fun with this one. I keep tag-lists, so at any time, just let me know if you would like to be tagged in anything. I’m in the planning stages of a Haldir x OC fic, and while I usually stay away from OC’s, I just cannot fathom typing “Y/n” for the length that I’m planning on making that story. So be on the lookout for that! Hope you all are taking care of yourselves and please know that my inbox is always open. Lots of love!

LITN tag list: @angelic-kisses13 @lainphotography @anangelwhodidntfall @sheriffgerard @themerriweathermage @k-llama-llama @hirokosoul @wellfuckmyexistence @ipsychosocial @anjhope1 @my-lotr-obsession-is-unhealthy

Alright boys, girls, and nonbinary folks of the world. It’s 5:36am (1/30 when I first started) as I decide to give up on my attempt to continue to focus on learning statistics, avoid studying for my two upcoming midterms, and put off my two actual essays for two different classes.

Instead we’re going into a dive about ✨ KazuFuuma ✨ . Is this me telling you you gotta ship it? No of course not, you’re entitled to your own ships! You don’t really gotta care about it as a ship. But I do want people to recognize it’s THERE canonically, and how disregarding it is extremely unfair to Kazuki as a character particularly. Also, I’m working on the assumption anyone clicking this at least knows the bare bones about what KazuFuuma (ex. You know they are a ship of Kazuki/Fuuma from Dolce, you know they are childhood friends, you know who Dolce is, you know about Honeyworks, etc.) I’ll be making references to specific things, but I won’t always go into heavy detail. Might just hope you know it or take my word for what it is, and go into analyzing it. Some I’ll put direct references to find, but some I’ll trust you can find it yourself. If you somehow read this MAMMOTH and want reference to a specific thing mentioned, hmu I can help you find it!!

Also I hate tumblr formatting sm if you legit wanna read this 7 page essay but hate tumblr format lmk I'll add it as a google doc link instead too. anYWHO

Before actually getting into the meat of things lemme preface some stuff.

Again it’s like almost 6am so this will be disorganized and very train of thought (and likely long due to the fact when I fly by the seat of my pants I’m known to get unnecessarily extensive). It’s definitely gonna be in large part why it’s important to recognize as a romantic relationship foundation and what about it shapes Kazuki’s character in particular. Maybe a bit of how it’s been built up and its general focus and implications. Dunno yet. We’ll see LMAOO

I say f*ck. Not a lot, just a handful of times. This ain’t something scholarly this is for my own enjoyment so if you don’t like that might not wanna read. And it’s not like spitefully I just curse a lot if you haven’t...read my tags before lol

Again this is through the lens of a Kazuki stan. Of COURSE I’m going to have some level of bias, but if anything that bias may help more than hurt because that means I become FIXATED and think a lot about Kazuki. Which plays into establishing just how important it is that Kazufuuma’s relationship is recognized, especially in a romantic light at this point. Lmfao. 

I’ll have a few more prefaces about the actual content below but to keep this from getting too long if you wanna read come below the cut owo

I have extremely limited knowledge of Japanese just taking a few classes in highschool (so like 3 yrs ago) and live in America. This means a lot of my knowledge is gathered through the english translations of the super duper incredible and lovely people in the Honeyworks fandom who provide translations (delaix and takanenene esp have provided so much for me being able to understand Dolce) and my own limited Japanese paired with Google Translate for things that remain untranslated.

This only will be drawing on information I have come in contact with and have access to and making assumptions based on that, most (if not all) of which is in the public domain. So things like the Dolce Manga Volumes released via Animate, exclusive 4komas, and Light Novels are out of my area for the most part (apart from again snippets of translations thanks to this fandom’s godlike and generous translators).

I will not be drawing on anything from the first Dolce album with the exception of Nade Nade. From a meta standpoint, I consider those songs as songs made as performance media as opposed to character explorations. Nade Nade is the exception because (1) it was released a whole year before the album and (2) you can tell it’s explicitly an exploration of Fuuma and Kazuki’s interpersonal relationship even if it’s in a slightly more performance based context than the songs that came out with the Dolce LNs. Easiest parallel I can make to show this is if you held Non-Fantasy, Yume Fanfare, and Samishigariya up against each other, you could tell the difference in intended audience and intended purpose the same way the Dolce 1st album, Nade Nade, and the songs of the LNs do respectively. Even if there is some basis to ground Kazufuuma, for the purposes of this essay I’ll be acting under the assumption the 1st album falls under the Non-Fantasy equivalent category.

THAT WAS A LOT OF PREFACING CONSIDERING LIKE 2 PPL WILL PROBABLY READ IT I just have a tendency to anytime I do anything analytical lay down ground acknowledgements for myself to work on just...cuz it makes me feel less guilty for any accidental misinformation even if I’m writing towards my future self to read lolll IM SORRY WITHOUT FURTHER TO DO HERE’S THE BRAIN DUMP

First let’s go ahead and establish why it needs to be recognized as an important relationship. Again, I’m a Kazuki stan. He’s my favorite character not only of Dolce but also of the entire Honeyworks series, and as much as I love him for reasons outside the ship, whether you like it or not Kazufuuma is an essential aspect of his character and narrative. Of course there’s the fact that him and Fuuma are childhood friends, so that’s going to in part define their characters and interactions with each other and those around them. They’re both going to be relevant to one another and important to one another’s stories to an even greater extent than the rest of the members of Dolce. But on Kazuki’s side at least, it’s an EXTREME amount. A running plotpoint in Dolce Diary is the sheer amount of dedication Kazuki has to Fuuma and how much his thoughts and decisions are influenced by Fuuma, whether it be how he feels happiest spending time with Fuuma, how he decided to get his piercing to represent he wanted to protect Fuuma, how he doesn’t want to dislike food so he can eat what Fuuma dislikes, etc. Not to mention running jokes about his borderline overprotectiveness and downright possessiveness of Fuuma, how proud he is when Fuuma gets praised, or that one 4koma that literally explicitly states he can read Fuuma’s mind when he thinks motherfucking ‘dirty thoughts’ about his childhood friend (Fuuma). I still don’t know what the fuck to make of that last bit. Genuinely. Or the fact it’s a fucking running joke. As in it’s not a one off. It’s been brought up multiple times. Kazuki what the fuck. 

That’s not to say that he doesn’t have character outside of Fuuma or he doesn’t interact with people other than Fuuma. He’s great friends with Sara, Girisha, and Kippei and is shown time and time again to have fun interactions with all of them, generally acting as the best support friend for every member of the group, not Fuuma alone. For instance how he helps Kippei with his self confidence issues or stays over at Sara’s to protect him from a cockroach (which he fails at lol). Nor is that to say all his interactions involving Fuuma focus solely on his devotion to Fuuma, especially in instances where the manga focuses on Dolce as a group dynamic (though even in that setting there are times where jokes about his devotion are thrown in). He’s kind, he’s stupid, he’s friendly, he’s an amazing character in his own right, and I love him for all those reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact a major part of his character and his character interactions are rooted in Fuuma, and arguably some of his most interesting, eccentric, and notable behaviors and traits revolve around Fuuma (again the mind reading for example).

Hell let’s take it one step further. If you look at the character bios of the Dolce members, you get everyone’s motives for being an idol and interests. Of them, Kazuki is the only one to have another character mentioned directly, not to mention that supporting Fuuma is explicitly stated to be his primary motive as to why he became an idol. Not even Fuuma’s sister is mentioned, though two arguments can be made for this. The first would be that Fuuma’s backstory about wanting to fulfill his dream for himself and his sister was decided later to explain Fuuma’s choice to crossdress though it can be argued it was intentionally done to leave it as a reveal at a later date, to which I would argue I don’t think this backstory was a choice in post. While Fuuma’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra exploring that backstory was released a little less than a year after Dolce was revealed, the preview to set up Fuuma’s backstory was actually the first thing released after the character bios on the Dolce Official Twitter page if you exclude a drawing of Dolce from Yamako. The second argument could be that information about his sister was intentionally withheld to set up the reveal when Fuuma’s extra released to explore it. However, going by that logic (which I do agree with), that would also mean that Fuuma’s inclusion and importance in Kazuki’s character bio also set up his dedicated extra, which I don’t think would be incorrect to assume considering what his actual extra turned out being.

Which brings me to the thing that makes it inexplicable to write off the romantic implications behind Kazufuuma: Kazuki’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra, Suki. I shipped Kazufuuma before even knowing of Suki, sure. But the fact that Suki even exists is a shock to me and drove into me the fact that Kazufuuma wasn’t just my own projection. Again, it’s not a surprise that Fuuma shapes Kazuki’s life. They’re childhood friends, of course they’re going to be important to each other. But this extra explicitly brought Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma under a direct spotlight. At first I was thinking oh, this extra was just to acknowledge the fact that Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship can have romantic implications, but the end of it the conclusion that we got was that it didn’t matter what type of “like” he felt for Fuuma. Originally, I thought it wasn’t anything more than saying there are all types of like, and it doesn’t always need to be explicitly defined, but I appreciated the fact they were aware that they were writing Kazuki in a way that conveyed romantic implications. 

Then I thought about it because, again, I love Kazuki of course I’m going to think about his character extra, and realized...that’s not how these character extras have worked. There are only three character extras out as far as I know and have read: Fuuma, Kippei, and Kazuki. If we look at Fuuma and Kippei’s, each extra had a conclusion, sure, but they didn’t have a resolution. Rather, they were simply setting up explicitly what each character’s primary character arc and conflict were. Fuuma’s extra brought attention to the fact that he’s particularly a crossdressing idol by exploring the motives behind it. His choice to be a crossdressing idol is constantly under fire both by himself and the world around him. He’s not immune to those who consider his crossdressing strange, and a part of his story is both finding people who accept his decision to crossdress and to succeed for himself as a crossdressing idol. It’s an essential part of how we understand and define him as a character and it’s a central part of how he interacts with the world around him. For Kippei, it lays the severity of his insecurity under the spotlight and his journey and motives for improving himself. Again, this isn’t something isolated and resolved in the extra; his extreme insecurity and negativity is constantly affecting how he interacts with practically everyone from his fellow Dolce members to his fans despite the fact in all honesty? He’s fucking insanely talented in his own right, his own brother mentioning how smart he is and how he has amazing reflexes. For Kippei, his negativity is an essential part of how we understand and define him and central to how he interacts with the world as much as Fuuma’s decision to crossdress is to him.

Which brings us back to Kazuki, of course. In his dedicated extra, in the chapter that’s supposed to explore and establish and bring attention to an essential part of his character, the aspect of himself under investigation is how he feels about Fuuma. It’s not just how he behaves around Fuuma, it’s explicitly an exploration of his feelings, on top of the fact it’s explicitly an exploration about whether or not he likes Fuuma r o m a n t i c a l l y. Literally the conflict is spurred on by someone outright asking “Do you like him?” and having to clarify “I mean romantically.” What they decided to focus on for Kazuki’s character and emphasize and establish is that Kazuki’s like towards Fuuma toes the line between friendship and romance. His ambiguous feelings towards Fuuma (if we leave them inconclusive as Suki did) are just like Fuuma’s crossdressing and Kippei’s insecurity in the sense the weight of whatever those feelings may be are seen in how he interacts with the world around him and influences his behaviors. It would be another story if they introduced the potential and shut it down all within the extra, because then his central conflict would to me be less directly open to romantic potential and more simply about how his arc was meant to explore the dynamic of the behavior of an extremely dedicated best friend. The fact that he may be romantically attracted to Fuuma or may be only platonically dedicated to Fuuma is instead something that looms over Kazuki in the same way Fuuma’s decision to crossdress constantly looms over him. It’s what Dolce wanted to point to and say this is Kazuki’s central character conflict and central arc: exploring what type of feelings he has towards Fuuma. 

Sure, it can be argued that there’s only three Dolce Diary character extras, there’s not enough to be sure about that being the purpose of the extras unless we get the other two’s extras. First, at this point I honestly don’t know if or when they’re going to release an extra revolving around Sara and Girisha just because not only has it been over a year and a half since the latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Kazuki’s) was released despite the gap between the first and latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Fuuma’s and Kazuki’s) were within a year of release but also because the Dolce 4komas and comics they’ve been posting to Twitter have decreased (last one being over half a year ago) potentially due to them deciding to focus on releasing Dolce manga content through the purchasable volumes instead. (This is not particularly related to the Kazufuuma argument, just wanted to put out there my two cents on what Sara and Girisha’s extra/focal arc would be. Based on a large part of the Dolce Diary in conjuncture with Can’t an Idol Fall in Love, I’d argue Sara’s would be his journey to regain his passion for performing, and if it’s not that I’d say it’d be coming out of his self-imposed isolation and opening up to people again. As for Girisha, I have less of a concrete idea but I’m assuming it’d be something pertaining to how people often misconceive him whether it be in tandem with his determination, his optimism and sociability, or his stupidity/ability to ignore those misconceptions and work past them. But Girisha is treated like the comedic relief 90% of the time so I’m not entirely sure, but his primary conflict is definitely rooted in misconceptions of him being his roadblock imo. #MoreGirishaContentPlz) That being said, I personally feel like the three are already enough evidence, especially considering it would be honestly even more cruel for Kazuki’s character-centric extra to be focusing on something that wasn’t essential to his character and character arc, anyway. And though it’s not explicitly stated that these chapters are extras exploring a central character, you can kind of tell based on how they are (to my knowledge) the only Dolce Diary updates with cover/title cards each which include their focal character front and center. So working off that fact, the Kazuki-centric chapter established that a pillar to his narrative was his feelings towards Fuuma and that those feelings are still open to romantic potential. 

But if you follow me, this is why up until Can’t an Idol Fall in Love With Another Idol’s release, I was terrified of them writing that off. I would have been ok if it was just an arc that was given attention then continued to actively work in the background, as all the character arcs have been over all of Dolce’s content. The fact that they might be giving Fuuma a love interest and giving Fuuma a love arc while Kazuki’s feelings were still up in the air and were still the primary highlighted narrative for him would have been fucking scuffed. To me, it would be like… why would they make him so Fuuma-centric to the point that even his dedicated chapter was not just focused on Fuuma but focused on the ambiguity and potential of him having romantic feelings for Fuuma, yet reduce him to being Fuuma's designated right-hand man. Don’t get me wrong, friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. But again, rather than conclude Kazuki’s answer in Suki to be that his feelings were of friendship, they left it open ended and allow audience members to be actively aware that Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma still had potential to be romantically coded. It would just be so weird to quickly close off that narrative by giving Fuuma a love interest as opposed to letting Kazuki conclude it himself. It would be fucking beyond frustrating for me, at least Eventually, I kept trying to drive my hopes that they would explore Kazuki’s narrative at all down to the ground because it was a Fuuma-centric novel; maybe if anything they’d explore those feelings in his own novel after the fact. But then they kept having little drops here and there of Kazuki being even the slightest bit relevant and I’d go back to questioning “Are??? They??? Is this on purpose??? Do they know what they’re doing or are they just doing this because Kazuki’s just so important to Fuuma as his best friend that he’s there as his right-hand I genuinely can’t tell???” And um. Welp.

Safe to say Can’t An Idol Fall in Love sold me on the fact that they know what they’re doing LOL. And to anyone who thinks that Kazuki’s feelings can still be read as ambiguous in CAIFILWAI as opposed to explicitly romantic - whether it be due to a fear they may pull the “I like him as a friend” card or due to the disbelief that they have an explicit mlm main character in the Honeyworks series - I’d like to cover any bases that may make you think this way. If you think it’s just Kazuki acting like a protective friend, why do you think he calls Yui a rival? If you’ve only seen the MV and think it’s ambiguous or can be taken as the "likfe" for friend, then does that mean you think Yui’s feelings toward Fuuma are also ambiguous or as a friend? With the way Yui responds, she is trying to rival Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma. She and Kazuki recognize whatever feeling it is that they hold towards Fuuma, both of their feelings are the same type. I don’t think most people would argue that Yui’s confession about Fuuma was one of pure respect and friendship. Plus, if anything I’d argue of the three characters in the MV, Fuuma is the one whose feelings are left the most ambiguous despite him being the central character. It’s heavily implied that he may be forming feelings for Yui, but nowhere is it established either in the song or in the MV, especially if you compare it to Kazuki and Yui’s declarations or if you compare it to Sara’s feelings for Uru in Can’t An Idol Fall in Love. Fuuma’s romantic narrative here is trying to figure out how he feels for Yui, while for Kazuki and Yui they’ve established a rivalry because they both have mutually established they like Fuuma romantically.

If the MV isn’t enough for you and Suki isn’t enough for you for...some reason…??? You can check out the snippets of the light novel which the wonderful takanenene translated: one which revisits the conflict set up in Suki and one that covers the confession scene in the MV in more detail. If the fact that the conflict set up in Suki (aka the lurking feeling of not knowing if all he felt for Fuuma was only platonic or more than platonic) was specifically reestablished in the LN for anyone who didn’t keep up with Dolce Diary didn’t tip you off that it was something important, his behavior in the confession scene as depicted by the LN definitely should have. He’s possessive about his spot by Fuuma’s side. He doesn’t want that spot to be taken by anyone else. Even if he knows that they can help Fuuma, he wants it to be him. And this line: “Kazuki then trails off his words, quietly saying ‘That’s why…’ and then gave Yui a slightly painful smile, his cheeks turning red,” before he declares Yui a rival and states he likes Fuuma. If you can tell me you read that line and are still on the fence about Kazuki’s “like” towards Fuuma being romantic, please message me and I will see how I can get through to you. Like it wasn’t even just a romantically coded confession. It’s just a romantic confession. That “like” is romantic. And I’m so proud that he’s not only come to understand for himself how he feels, but that he’s confident enough to ask the person he sees as a romantic rival to speak in private and not only clarify her feelings for Fuuma but before she can even do that firmly establishes that he loves Fuuma with conviction. Kazuki my boy I’m so proud of you. *sniffs*

And that’s it for establishing Kazufuuma as at least canonically one-sidedly canon and why there’s not only no reason to deny it but also why denying it is a fucking disrespectful move towards Kazuki. He’s a character, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t write off his struggle to come to be convicted enough to say it out loud. This has been something weighing on him at least a year, if not more (all I know is it started when both he and Fuuma were in some year in middle school). And as a character in a piece of media, I’ve been saying this the entire time, but brushing it off as non-romantic is literally chucking a fucking pillar of his character’s story into the gutter. And to those who may be saying Kazuki’s confession came out of nowhere and is pandering reread this entire fucking essay again I dare you to do it and tell me to my face it’s pandering. Again. Writing off the buildup as pandering is disrespectful to him, disrespectful to his character and narrative, and disrespectful to the wonderful people who have been creating Dolce so diligently and have crafted this narrative for us. Saying his “supposed feelings” and “ambiguous confession” is pandering is like saying Fuuma’s crossdressing is pandering which. If you say either of those I will find you and I will shank you in the fucking gut. Even if you’re not fully into Dolce, recognize these characters are actually very well developed and executed amazingly, as per every Honeyworks character that has come to exist. I don’t blame you if you weren’t aware of the weight of Kazufuuma, but now that you read this I hope you are. That’s mainly what I needed to get out there, but as follows will be me more exploring how Kazufuuma has been built up and generally waving my hand off at where it may be going. If you want you can dip, thanks for reading up to here because I know I repeated a lot because it’s just. So important to drill into your head and has been something I’ve been hung up about constantly. LOL

As for where exactly they’re taking it from this point on, I honestly don’t know. In all honesty, I didn’t even expect them to take it the direction they did. But honestly, I think the direction they went with it is really interesting and better than I could have imagined, in my opinion at least. Honeyworks never ceases to amaze me with their storytelling and narrative choices, and I don’t think there’s any that stand out to me as being severely questionable that they haven’t reapproached at some point down the line. And, again, I think they’re treating this with a lot of care and deserved respect. So I’m just gonna be gushing about how smart they set it up and how smart they’ve been executing it and maybe my own hopes on the direction it could go.

Whether they make Kazufuuma reciprocated I have no real clue or bearings, but to me my gut reaction is they will. Of course, I’m biased, but again if you trace things all the way back to 2018 and step through Dolce’s content and growth from there, I’d say even if they didn’t know if they could execute it like this and see it to fruition, I’d argue that Kazufuuma has been at least heavily implied since the beginning as a relationship they wanted to explore from both sides of the relationship. Obviously I brought up Kazuki’s character bio already, but if you look at the *goes to count* 5th Dolce Diary update already has a joke jabbing at the fact that Kazuki is technically Fuuma’s type (and the way Kippei and Kazuki excitedly react is so cute). The fifth update. And as stated before there are tons of Kazufuuma moments in Dolce Diary, whether it’s played for comedic effect or played straight (and this is post Suki but oh my god I’ve said it before I’ll say it again get yourself someone who looks at you the way Kazuki looks at Fuuma oh my jesus). But song-wise, I mentioned the one Dolce album song I would bring up is Nade Nade and this is where it comes! 

Not only is Nade Nade specifically focused on Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship as opposed to the whole of Dolce despite being the first song, it included the setup/preview of the Fuuma-centric extra prior to the full release of the Fuuma-centric extra itself and was released early as fuck. Literally between the 6th and 7th update to Dolce Diary. Sure, it could be to isolate them as a duo for marketing purposes (they’re very often the two promoted idols together if the whole of the group aren’t included), but the way it’s established as a perspective song as opposed to a general idol duet is what fascinates me. Anyone who didn’t know about Dolce prior and only followed Honeyworks for music would be first introduced to these characters through this song alone, and maybe this is where my Kazufuuma bias comes from but I was one of those people LOL. I thought it was just a cute one-off relationship that they had set up for the purpose of a song and that it was an implied friends-to-lovers story that would never get a conclusion. Also I mistakenly thought Fuuma was a girl oop-. In the full context of Dolce, this song in part helped establish Fuuma and Kazuki more solidly as a unique duo out of all of Dolce, but it also specifically explored through Fuuma’s eyes just how much Fuuma recognizes and appreciates the unwavering support Kazuki gives him to follow his dreams as he wishes. For Fuuma, he loves Kazuki too, though whether it holds any romantic potential in the same way Kazuki loves him has never been explored to nearly the same extent. But Fuuma appreciates how Kazuki’s remained by his side and does everything he can to support him, so Nade Nade explores how his way of expressing his love and thankfulness to Kazuki is by never saying that he needs Kazuki by his side. He’s glad Kazuki’s always been there for him, and his reciprocation takes on the form of being ready to unwaveringly support Kazuki and not ask for more than he already has, even if it meant Kazuki would be leaving his side, despite the fact that he really does wish they could remain together forever just as Kazuki does. The one point he lets himself say something vaguely close to always wanting to stay together, he gets a surprised expression out of Kazuki and says an ambiguous “suki dayo.” Of course, this it much less romantically coded than what we get from Kazuki in Suki and CAIFILWAI, but there is an interesting emphasis put on it nonetheless. Keep in mind, this is all established through the song, which released long before not only Fuuma’s character-centric extra released but also Kazuki’s character-centric extra released, so there is at least a substantial setup for Fuuma’s feelings towards Kazuki’s being strong as well and possibly grow to be reciprocated one day.

I think for me the most fascinating part about Nade Nade is how they tied it back around to Can’t An Idol Fall In Love with Another Idol. Again, without remembering Nade Nade, I still thought CAIFILWAI was brilliantly explored and executed, even if some people would have preferred no love triangle. But honestly, revisiting Nade Nade makes me trust even more the direction they’re taking with this. Whether or not they make Kazufuuma canon mutually (which. Even if they for some inexplicable reason didn’t I’m going down with this ship.), I’m sure they’re putting a lot of thought into the story, because the last bit of Nade Nade directly parallels the misunderstanding that arose from Fuuma mishearing the Kazuki and Yui. Fuuma is resolved to support Kazuki in any area he’s given the chance, and that explicitly includes if Kazuki had some girl he liked, which is what he assumes is going on. The fact that they tied this back around in the form of a misunderstanding was really really smart and Honeyworks is always so good at parallels and references back to their older songs, but for some reason I didn’t expect this. I don’t know how to say why, but the fact that the song that started it all, kicked off both Dolce and Kazufuuma, was directly referenced both visually in the MV with a cameo at the start and narratively despite the central dynamic being predominantly explored in this story in particular was that of Fuuma and another potential love interest and involves said potential love interest for some reason makes me think that (sorry Yui) this is all planned out for Kazufuuma in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I don’t know if me thinking it was planned all along is just me with shipper goggles, but the idea it’s come full circle nearly 3 years later is not shipper goggles and a very very well done parallel in my opinion, whether this trajectory was their plan for Kazufuuma from the beginning or not. Just wanted to gush about that some more. 

There’s more I could go into especially if I went into specific details about interactions or specific implications established in Honeyworks' Dolce content about different characters that would be fascinating to explore in relation to and under the lens of Kazufuuma, but I think this is uh...plenty long enough. Plus, I doubt you'll stop seeing Kazufuuma posts from me so those ideas will probably just be miniposts or somethin.

Back to the overarching point of this segment, idk what they’ll do with this story in the end, but do I think Kazufuuma will canon? I’m used to looking at ships that aren’t explicitly apparent with a sliver of skepticism, but all things considered (as I stated before) yeah. I don’t see reason why they wouldn’t now that they’ve explicitly identified there is a romantic dimension to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like to me, the setup isn’t something that would be written off as unrequited? And this doesn’t have to play into why I don’t think it will canon, my personal opinion on the Fuuyui relationship (again albeit through the lens of a hard Kazufuuma shipper lmao) has it’s own merits and is really cute, I find it cute in the way I found Koyuhina cute. I personally never really shipped Koyuhina, and especially since they slipped Kotarou into Ima Suki Ni Naru I was more curious about who this kid was and how he played into things I didn’t really see Koyuhina as something that would come to fruition. Similarly, there’s more importance in the overall sense on Kazuki than there is Yui (considering he’s one of the 5 original and focal members of this generation of idols, this would be natural), as well as the fact there’s just way more foundation and exploration in Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship than there is Fuuma and Yui. As for how much of a balance there is inside the LN itself, the fact that they seem to have spent a substantial amount relaying the foundation of Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship and re-exploring it (at least in Kazuki’s perspective) at all on top of how much content there is covering their relationship prior to the LN ever since Dolce’s origin just feels like that relationship holds more weight. Pretty much Kazufuuma feels more established as a priority in general. The way I personally hope Fuuyui plays out is whether they wind up holding mutual feelings or not or whether Fuuma doesn’t feel that way towards Yui is they get a relationship akin to Kotarou and Arisa. Albeit, Kotarou and Arisa never viewed each other in a romantic light, but they had mutual respect and solidarity. That’s the type of friendship I hope comes out of Fuyui. And considering there hasn’t been a break-up in any Honeyworks’ canon relationships (nor do I expect there to be… they’re all perfect for each other LMAO) it would actually be interesting if Fuuyui get together but don’t endgame and Kazufuuma is established as the inseparable endgame after some realization or another, though I don’t expect them to go that route nor do I know if that’d be the best way to go about it anyway. Also final point, Honeyworks seems to have a thing for childhood friends trope anyway soooooo owo All in all, don’t know where they’re taking it, just excited to see where it goes. 

TL;DR of this *counts* 7 page essay, stan Kazufuuma. Not gonna proof this. Maybe I’ll edit and repost but yall are getting a confusing clusterfuck of ramblings over 2-3 hr periods of me writing across 3 different days at around 5am each day. Uh. If you got this far like and subscribe and-- jk plz reply to this mammoth anywhere you see fit or tell me if you have stuffs to add or counter or whatnot I like hearing people talk about Kazufuuma ;w; I am Kazuki and Kazufuuma brainrot can you tell after reading this? No? Lemme just remind you I’m K--

James Ironwood, for character ask? 👀

Aaaa thank you so much for the ask ♡ More rambling incoming !! Sorry for the wait btw, I've been both pretty busy and tired ;;

If you hate James Ironwood and don't wanna hear one good thing about him tap out now please ღ

My fav ship(s) for the character

I am not a super big shipper when it comes to James, but there are still some I like more than others soo here goes :

I think Ironwitch is a pretty good one. It's not necessarily a ship I'd search content for but I think these two would work well together ! Glynda is stern and honest and a no-nonsense kind of woman. She has the strenght to stand up to James when he slips or gets too stubborn when faced with the high stakes. At the same time, we've been shown that she cares for him and she knows he's only trying to do what's best for people. She has faith in him but also the ability to stand at his side as an equal. She seems to be the more steadfast of Ozpin's circle : loyal, you know you can trust her, and she will not crumble. This is the kind of personnality that I think James both admire and feel safe with. And the other way around, I think James is a good match for Glynda too. On a day to day basis, he's serious enough to not annoy here, but he's also a softie in some aspects and that's a nice combination to smooth out Glynda's edges.

Ironqrow is a completely different dynamic. The "we're annoying each other" dynamic is not one I'm particularly interested in usually xD But these two certainly had strong & interesting moments so it's a pretty valid ship !! Despite how they might butt heads because of the difference in their upbringing they (prior to V8) clearly trusted each other with their life. Even if Qrow jokes about shooting himself if he had to be one of James' man, when everything goes to shit there is no doubt in his mind that James wasn't responsible. Similarly, while James talks of shooting Qrow for his misbehaviour, when push comes to shove and we meet a tired Ironwood, run ragged by the pressure he's under... the only thing he does is hug him and reiterates how glad he is to see him. So again, they clearly have a lot of faith and trust in the other, and that's solid ground for a relationship.

My least favorite ship(s) for the character

Same spiel as always, shipping kids and adults is a big no from me; so any ships between Ironwood and RWBYJNOR can qualify here. That said, among the less uncomfortable ones, here are those I don't really like

This one is again because I love their relationship but platonically only, I'm talking of Winter Soldier. The reading I like best is not that Ironwood is Winter's Jacques 2.0, nor that he groomed her; but that he was an important father figure in her life. Protective and caring, who tried to help her escape with what he knew. I don't see James recruiting Winter as a way to gain a strong ally. But rather that Winter wanted to detach herself from her family name, and make something worthwhile of herself all on her own. And that the military is what Ironwood knows and understand, so naturally it's a career he'd see as a good path. Just like Winter then proposed it to Weiss. I like to think they care about each other a LOT and they're their own tight family in between the lines, even if professionalism might throw a wrench into it. For short I love them together but not romantically please =)

I don't know if there's a ship name for this, but Salem x James Ironwood would be a big nope from me too... In general, let's just assume I ship Salem with nobody because abuse.

My fav & least fav platonic relationship(s) for the character

Fav platonic relationship would be (have been because we dont talk about V8?) with Winter. Fooor the reasons I've explained above I suppose x) I (again) love the trust they had in one another and the quiet support.

There was also his relationship with Oscar that I really liked during V7, although it has been soured a bit by the (valid) reading from some people that Ironwood sought out Ozpin a lot through Oscar, and given his identity issues it is not ground for a greatly healthy relationship. Their interactions were still very intersting though ♡ I consider Oscar to be the kid who went at trying to appease James' fear or make him reconsider his decisions the best way. There was true understanding and hope for a working relationship here. I do feel that Oscar put in more work than James however (emotionally) and I wish there had been pay-back instead of a gunshot.

For my least fav relationship ? Probably Robyn or Watts ? Robyn was always very antagonistic toward Ironwood since their priorities are so different. And I overall just don't really like her after V7 so there are very few relationships with her I'm interested in (the exception is her ship with Fiona I think it's cute). Meanwhile, Watts is just a petty asshole hell bent on ruining Ironwood because he didn't pick his project. I'm not very interested in hate relationships, and since theirs wasn't deeply explored anyway, it's even more the case here. Their fight was great though, one of my favorite RWBY fights !

My favorite thing about the character

Well this was completely proven wrong by V8 buuut as of V7 I liked that he was a deconstruction of the military general (dictator) trope. Sooo you can guess how i feel about V8 X) In general among RWBY, several of my fav are fav BECAUSE they look like one trope but also have key differences that from the get go make the character stray away from said trope. For example I'm not a fan of the princess tsundere archetype at all, but I loooved Weiss in V1 BECAUSE she was extra-willing to listen and change her mind, and you could very easily tell that it was her upbringing speaking more than herself in most occasions.

Similarly, I wasn't a big fan of Ironwood before V7. I didn't hate him you know and he wasn't lower than most characters in my Tier list but I also didn't particularly care. But you know what ? I've aaaalways had a really soft spot for the "angsty angry traumatized teen". And RWBY made the mistake of extending that soft spot to "tired adults trying their best" (only to repeatedly beat them up/make them villains after making me care about them but what can you do uh)

Soo in general, I loved that Ironwood was trying so hard. I loved that he was tired and in over his head but learning and listening and trying to do good and be better despite his fears. I liked that he told his entourage about Salem and was loyal. I liked that he cared about helping the people above his own image and the way people perceived him. I liked that you could tell this was a terrible situation all around, and his decisions WERE questionnable but we could SEE that he meant WELL and was genuinely trying so hard despite how scared and tired he was.

My biggest criticism for the character

Well this won't be a surprise but in general I just wished he had stayed a morally grey character we were allowed to feel for instead of a cartoon black villain. I didn't need James to be THE Hero or anything like this despite some accusations levelled at those who like him. Him becoming one of RWBY's antagonist is honestly fine by me ! It is interesting. But I'd have preferred they kept him ambiguous and trying in his own way. (And smart because V8 Ironwood was dumb af)

I can be a tad overprotective of his character since he's just... so despised, so I think that I have inadvertently distanced myself from any of his flaws... somehow like "people are already yelling all of them so I don't need to add to this shit show" you know ? skjfkd But I KNOW he has them and it would still have been good to develop his flaws, just... not like that

But yea I'd have liked it if V8 Ironwood DID diverge from RWBYJNORQ and became an antagonist but not an iredeemable villain. LIKE,, we redeemed Hazel and Emerald and IRONWOOD is where the writers draw the line by saying "nope this one is rotten" ?? What ?

When was their writing at the peak according to me (ex : best season)

V7 definitely ! Ironwood carried V7 so hard haha. His character was fleshed out and given nuance and made to struggle and evolve and I loved him in that volume.

A song I think fits them & why

Hunger • Monsters & Men Human • Rag'n'Bone Man Way down we go • Kaleo Beekeeper • Keaton Henson Thistle and weeds • Mumford and Sons Castle of Glass • Linkin Park It's all so incredibly loud • Glass Animals

A headcanon to make up about them

His metal parts impact his metabolism so Ironwood is terrible at holding his alcohool and very little manages to knock him out. He's a workaholic. His low tolerence for alcohool is a great tool whn friends need to put him to sleep.

His joints crack and hurt in the cold, his metal parts as well and they are an hassle in the sand. James like to keep his room temperature warmer than the average atlasian because of this, otherwise he has to spend 30 min every morning simply unwiding muscles to move around efficiently.

He's not a good singer but has a nice low voice for telling stories. If he had kids, he'd probably avoid lullabies but compensate with bedtimes stories.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

As always, I'm kind of reflecting along the way as I write this, and one thing I'm thinking right now is... Doesn't it take away from the atlas arc message ITSELF to just pile up so many "standard bad guy" stuff on Ironwood ? Like, I wanna ask... why do we hate him ? Is he an antagonist because he lets fear get the best of him ? Because he's a classist who doesn't care about Mantle like some fans argue ? Because he's too stubborn and wants to be THE hero ? Because he doesn't listen to others ? Because he abandonned Mantle ? Because he kills peopke left and right ? Because he wanted to bomb a city ? I think you might see where I'm going with this : his status as villain is kind of messy. V8 just kept piling-up flaws and villainous actions onto Ironwood with no concern for whether this was a lenght he would go to (using the certainty that he would go to any lenghts to enact his plans), ,or whether these were one of the initial flaws/failings that led to his "fall" as an antagonist. What lesson is Ironwood supposed to learn ? Personally the very first time I yelled at my screen "No ! Why would the writers choose that ?" is when Ironwood shot Oscar. When answering criticism against medias, many people tend to look at it only through the lense of "well it makes sense in universe" or as if there were no other ways for the story to devolve. But at the end of the way, everything in a story is a choice from the writer even if it is influenced by the characters' personnalities. If I took the scene where Ironwood shoots Oscar, someone might tell me "he's crippled by his PTSD, he COULD do this." Maybe, that's a reading I can somewhat understand at least. But the writers have the power to NOT put his character in such a position. When I saw the wreck that was V7 finale, I ranted to my bestfriend about it and at no point did i say "why did Ironwood do that", I said "why did the writers make him shoot Oscar, the only point narratively would be to make irredeemable" Aaaand that's what they went for and I obviously didn't care for it. So if I had to rewrite it; I would have kept Ironwood's "mistakes" more focused. If he's wrong because he wants to abandon Mantle, because he's (understandably) scared and doesn't want to take risks; then stay focused on that. It's what makes RWBY leave, and out of all his V8 actions that's really the only thing RWBY needed to tell the whole world he wasn't an ally anymore apparently. - Don't make him shoot Oscar point blank, instead Oscar can simply fall because he flinches away from Ironwood's outburst; and a distraught/guilty Ironwood can decide that he doesn't have the time or capacity to help because of the tense situation. (Killing and not saving someone don't hold the same moral weight at all). - Don't make him kill people left and right or bomb cities, maintain the flaw of Ironwood struggling with his PTSD and his fear and not being able to take risks. - Don't paint him as a black villain, and eventually write V8 in such a way that RWBYJNORQ show taking risks might lead to a bigger victory, which was the volume's theme anyway. For example, following Oscar's destruction of the whale, a growth can occur that would bring back together the two anti-Salem factions : Oscar's risk put Atlas out of harm's way, which leads to Ironwood seeing that maybe there WAS a way to save Mantle as well as Atlas despite Salem's presence and he might have jumped the gun too quickly because of his fears. I'm not sure, I haven't thought about this extensively honestly but I hope you see what I mean. I think it would have been more focused & more in-character to focus Ironwood's failings on his fear; and the fact that he cares for the people and the greater good sometimes at the cost of the individuals. The idea that by sacrificing individuals too much you forget the people you're fighting for in the first place, could have been interesting to dig deeper into. Keep to the idea that Ironwood is somewhat disensitized to the individuals suffering for the sake of the greater good, instead of making him just

callous & uncaring.

My guess for their MBTI/Enneagram

I think pre-V8 Ironwood was an unconventionnal ENFJ. Aka, the type of character no one would type ENFJ because they go by stereotypes and Fe stereotypes are just enneagram 2 everywhere (aka nice, kind, helpful) whereas Ironwood has an enneagram tritype very common among xxTJs so that's what he looks/behaves like, but the way he thinks (what's best for the people, ethical values derived from an Atlasian upbringing) align more with Fe cognitively I think I'm going with ENFJ 6w5 1w2 3w4

Starting from V8 though, Ironwood veered clearly into ENTJ territory (types aren't supposed to change but I wouldn't say RWBY is the most consistent media when it comes to characters' personnalities)

One aspect that I think would be nice to delve deeper into ?

I understand why they didn't care to, but it'd have been interesting to get a few backstory hints for Ironwood. How did he lose half his body ? How did Oz recruit him ? Or some pieces about his upbringing ?

10 Dance Vol. 6 Special Edition overview

Volume 6 of the 10 Dance manga was released in Japan on March 18th, 2021. As with volumes 4 and 5, there are both regular and special editions available. In this post, I will provide an overview of the release, including observations on changes that were made to the chapters compared to how they were printed in the magazine, plus summaries and select scans of content from the special edition booklet.

It is often the case that when chapters come out in the manga magazines, they aren't always fully polished, and since I became highly familiar with this run of chapters from the summaries I made, several things immediately jumped out at me as I went through the book. First of all, though chapter 29 was split into two parts and released in subsequent months in the magazine, these two halves were combined into one chapter, with no indication they had ever been separate. I assume that they were always intended to be one chapter, but since the full chapter was not completed before the deadline (and it was a month when 10 Dance was being given the cover image, so not possible to delay its release), it was simply split over two months instead.

For visual changes, the most common alteration was scenes that originally had little or no screentone having it added in:

There were also some instances of either slight panel redraws, or complete replacements with new panels. None of these were from particularly important scenes, so it could just be Inouesatoh or someone on her team didn't like the look of the original panels and wanted to change them. The following example has a bit of both, with Suzuki in the upper left corner being replaced, and his eyes being redrawn in the lower panel:

Personally, the most amusing addition I noticed was when Max was thinking about throwing a party. Originally, we didn't see what he was envisioning, but in the volume, an addition has been made in the background: the New Year's piece Inouesatoh drew with sexy men dressed as cows, except now they're bunnies!

As for dialogue, it appeared to be almost the same in both versions throughout. Some minor exceptions include a spot I found where the dialogue was put in a different order, swapping Sugiki’s lines between this panel and his first line on the following page (in addition to another altered panel example):

As well as in this shot of Suzuki describing how they tug at the thread that connects them through their dance. Whereas before it put the word “dance” next to the part about tugging on the thread to specify what was meant by that, it was deleted in the volume. And while it was originally described as “affirming that we’re connected”, this was also tweaked a bit to be, “affirming our connection”.

There were a couple instances of character names being different from when they appeared earlier in the story. In this volume, two characters who were last mentioned back in volume 2 (Lucas Calvo, one of the champions at the table in Blackpool, and Deeks, who Ernie said hated Sugiki because he "stole" his girlfriend), either from typos or intentional changes, weren't the same as before. Lucas' last name was written with a 'g' sound (ガルボ) instead of a 'c' (カルボ), and this change carried over to the volume. On the other hand, Deeks' (ディクス) name got transposed as Disc (ディスク) in the magazine, but was fixed in the volume.

There was a typo that unfortunately made it through to the volume (but could perhaps be fixed in future printings). In chapter 34, when Norman is testing Suzuki's skills, he flashes back to Sugiki taking the national title from him several years earlier. The text in this scene, written in English, incorrectly states that Suzuki won the championship, rather than Sugiki.

The volume also includes the usual additions that are not present in the magazine, such as the under the cover flap comic, and Inouesatoh’s notes about each chapter.

The cover flap comic (which looks very much like a sketch, compared to previous ones that have had more complete art), features the Shinyas during a practice session earlier on in the series in December, where Suzuki complains that Sugiki’s Latin just isn’t sexy. Sugiki suggests that he can practice being sexy by wiggling his butt around to write a message in the air. Suzuki worries that if he starts writing out “love” or something, he’ll have to run away and escape. Sugiki gets started, and Suzuki calls out each letter that he can make out from his elegant butt bouncing. After figuring out he’s written “M-E-R-R-Y”, Suzuki guesses that he’s writing “Merry Christmas”. Sugiki gets mad that he said it aloud before he finished writing his message, and says he’s going to leave. Suzuki says, “Wait, I love you,” as narrative text says that this somehow turned into a love story in one panel.

And here are some tidbits I found interesting/amusing from the chapter notes:

She thinks readers who are fans of pecs will like Saichi.

She’s not sure if readers will love Max or hate him, but she personally likes him (sorry Sensei, I kinda hate him lol)

As of chapter 32, a portion of the art is now done digitally.

The epic “last dance” scene from 33 was something that she had planned since the beginning of the series, and it ended up being 8 times the cost for a typical chapter.

Special edition booklet:

The special edition comes with a 48 page hardcover booklet that includes a variety of different extras, divided into 8 sections called “heats”.

Heat 1 is a newly drawn, 12 page parody manga. Back in September 2020, Inouesatoh put out a request on Twitter for fans to send in their suggestions for an erotic side story. Putting the characters in a high school setting was the most requested scenario, so she chose this idea as the basis for the story. The title is “And All That Jazz” (the premise makes this somewhat confusing to summarize, so keep in mind that I’ll mostly be describing their actions based on the soul rather than the body, but will use quotation marks if it’s about other characters and who they think they’re addressing. It’ll all make sense, I promise...I think :P)

(The title page actually depicts the ending of the story, so I’ll come back to it later). It starts with Suzuki narrating his introduction, saying that he’s a transfer student to the Standard Academy. He really doesn’t get along with a guy named Sugiki, but for some reason, the two have now switched bodies with each other. Sugiki opens his shirt and inspects his new physique in front of other students, as Suzuki yells out asking what the hell he’s doing to his body. They look at themselves wearing each other’s expressions, Sugiki seeming surprised his mouth can gape open like that, and Suzuki wondering what happened to his body’s facial expression muscles. The bell rings and Sugiki heads off to class, as Suzuki is baffled that he can act so calm about this.

Sugiki perfectly reads a passage aloud in English class, something everyone (including the teacher, who looks like Norman) find unusual coming from “Suzuki”, as they wonder where his usual hearts are. Suzuki makes the decision to enjoy living as Sugiki for a bit, and is shown getting flirty with several girls. He notes that the more serious personality in his regular body is also strangely popular, though with a very different crowd.

A student named Alberko (Alberto in a girl’s uniform) shows up and says that “Sugiki” was supposed to have lunch with her(?) today. Suzuki says that he thought Alberko was going out with Dorou (a masculine alteration to Dolores’ name). Ernie and Suzuki watch as his harem falls apart with Alberko running amok. Ernie comments that both “Sugiki” and that transfer student have been acting weird all week, and he asks if something happened. Suzuki internally reflects back to one week earlier, when he was relaxing in bed in the infirmary. Sugiki comes in and accuses him of skipping class, and Suzuki tells him to mind his own business. He thought this would turn into one of their usual fights, but he can’t believe that actually happened instead...

After school, Sugiki asks Suzuki if they can go home together today. As they’re walking, Suzuki asks if Sugiki realizes what it was that made them switch places, and Sugiki says he does. Suzuki says that in that case, they know how they need to fix it, and they should go over to his house. Sugiki asks for clarification of whose house exactly he means by that.

As they start to get undressed, Suzuki says that he always thought his mom and sisters were annoying, but after a week apart he really misses them. Sugiki promises that he’ll make sure he can see them soon. Suzuki claims that he’ll be the one making Sugiki come, and Sugiki asks how he can talk like that when he was the one who looked like he was about to cry when Sugiki first touched him in the infirmary.

Sugiki peeks into Suzuki’s pants and wonders if he won’t get hard unless he touches him. Suzuki thinks it’d be weirder if he could get hard while looking at his own face, and wonders if Sugiki has AI in his crotch or something (Sugiki contends that it’s not his body). They fool around with each other until they finish, and Suzuki wonders why they didn’t change back yet. Sugiki suggests that maybe it needs to be just like the last time to count as a complete set, when they went at it until they fell off the bed, so both agree that they need to go for one more round. This then ties back to the title page, where they’ve finally managed to get back into their old bodies, but have now sprouted cat ears and tails.

Heat 2 of the booklet is 8 pages long, and contains short comics and illustrations that were not previously included in the volume releases. The comics include “How to 10 Dance”, a one-page comic with the Shinyas demonstrating the tango. Their privates end up touching, and Sugiki seems highly amused, gleefully asking Suzuki how it feels. Suzuki says that he was the one who got all bent out of shape over that back in volume 1, and tells him to lay off the sadist mode since they’re not dancing Latin right now. The second comic is “2nd Step”, and shows a glimpse of how the Shinyas were with each other after Suzuki gave the go-ahead for kissing. In fact, Sugiki ends up kissing him so much that Suzuki’s lips get sore and swollen. Sugiki then tries to kiss his neck as an alternative, but Suzuki’s not having it. The third comic depicts Suzuki’s first time in a public bath, where he realizes that Japanese people aren’t fully shaved everywhere like he is. Some of the old guys talk to him and slap their balls with their towels, and Suzuki, seeming a bit confused, gives his own balls a slap, too. After the comics are a selection of illustrations that were never used in the volumes, including this one from a Real 10 Dance event in 2018:

Heat 3 is 18 pages, and contains a variety of colored versions of both chapter covers and scenes from the manga, a couple of which I’ll share below:

Heat 4 includes 3 pages of insight from the professional dancers who consult for the manga, in which they explain the moves shown in specific panels.

Heat 5 is a single page look at Inouesatoh’s work space.

Heat 6 is 3 pages worth of advertisements that have been used to promote the series, including things like ads that were posted in subway stations:

Heat 7 is a single page look at the storyboard for chapter 1 of the manga.

Heat 8 is a single page showing the covers for foreign editions of the manga (Taiwanese, Korean, North American, and French).

Finally, there’s one last page with a thank you message from Inouesatoh, including an absolutely precious illustration of the Shinyas in happier times.

And that’s that! This really is an incredible release, and I’d definitely recommend picking up the special edition if you can. CD Japan offers direct international shipping, and I’ve also seen that Kinokuniya lists it as “available to order” currently (though they don’t appear to have stock on hand, so might take longer).

Answering old asks

m(__)m

That is all.

Emojis aside, I really am so very sorry it’s taken me so long to get around to responding to messages since the manga ended, I’ve been extremely busy in my personal life so it was kind of all I could do to cope with the manga ending during that time too, haha. As of now even the last volume and fanbook are already out, but I’ll leave a few comments on the messages I’ve been sent as they were. I’m also grouping together messages that are more of readers’ own comments rather than questions for me and responding all at once, so please forgive me if I couldn’t get around to responding individually!

“My heart pains to seeing the end ahahhhhh ashiya and abeno parted waysI really really really hope for something to come next. it kinda feels sad for meabt this ending”

“Honestly I like the ending but I didn’t like how the author left out information about abeno’s background. For instance, what happen to his parents?, where did he come from?, how did he come meeting Ao?,etc. I really wanted to see all of that, including how ashiya told his mom and sister about sakaes death. Other then that, I REALLY LOVE THE PROPOSAL!!! What is with shouen manga/anime with these different type of propsals like, “I’ll skate infinity with you”, “ I will die so you won’t be alone”,etc. Like COME ON!!! I also want to see a adult ashiya and abeno 🙏.”

I feel the same, I love the ending in its own way but I also expected so much more and I wanted to see more of their adventures. So I respect sensei’s decision but that just means it’s a free-for-all in terms of headcanons after!!

“Now that the manga has ended, I really wish the anime hadn't screwed up with the season 2 ending, so we could have gotten a continuation... I really miss animated Fuzzy running around, Ashiya's screaming and Abeno's "Hah?" (´꒳`)♡”

I wonder what they’d do for a season 3 if it ever came to pass. There are a few ways they could go about it like kind of just continuing down the manga, or they could ignore what they animated at the end of s2 and then keep going (Ao no Exorcist style), or I don’t even know, honestly. No matter how dissatisfied I am with how they do anime, I’d still watch it though. :U

“Wow I can't believe it took me so long to realize this! Recently, I noticed that the dynamic between Hanae-Sakae-Aoi-Abeno and the plot revolving around them is very similar to what happens in the manga Switch (Kai-his dad-Hal's dad-Hal). The relationship between Kai and Hal is similar to Hanae and Abeno's. Kai's dad died and this is related to Hal's dad, who has survived thanks to the death of his friend (Kai's dad). Plus Kai manifests what seems to be his dad's personality when he's in danger.”

“So much tears! I really don't want this to end, but I knew it was too good to be true. Though, the way the way the manga ended felt like a new beginning. Hanae made a promise/vow to Itsuki that he will return, no matter how long it takes, so he hopes Itsuki will wait for him. Also, that picture of Sakae and Aoi on the counter makes me hope that Hanae and his family (plus Sakae in heaven) has peace now. I felt like crying more. Thank you for everything and I hope to see you again!”

“ok rip Abeno's past... rip yellow eyes... rip this cliffhanger ending...“

“Suddenly I see that anon ask about OPs and EDs and partings & separations in a new light... darn. (╯°Д °)╯╧╧”

Fittingly enough, Sensei mentioned in the fanbook that Mononokean has always been a story about meetings and partings too, but still...! More...!!!

“I think this ending is very fitting. Ashiya was never truly part of the youkai world, he was always taking one step in only to step out soon after, and going back and forth between loving youkai and being afraid of them. Ashiya's state of employment has always had a "temporary" feeling to it, including, for example, the fact that he never changed his clothes, and his Mononokean-crest clothes were "borrowed". UItimately, Ashiya didn't seem like he could dedicate his life to youkai, unlike Abeno. (continuing from my previous ask about "Ashiya not being part of the youkai world") It wasn't only Ashiya's feelings on the matter that kept him away from the world of youkai. Abeno contributed greatly to this, as he constantly tried to keep Ashiya away from the Underworld, from danger, from knowing too much, and from youkai themselves, even though Ashiya was technically his employee. If Abeno had tried, even a little, to pull Ashiya into his world, Ashiya would have responded to him, I'm sure. (another "Ashiya not being part of the youkai world" ask) The fact Abeno actively blocked Ashiya from his world was the greatest reason why Ashiya didn't feel like he belonged there. But he still felt connected to Abeno, at least. Rather than dedicate his life to youkai, Ashiya seemed like he might dedicate it to Abeno. Yet this feeling was also met with a wall. By the time Abeno realized how precious it was, having someone who saw the same things as him by his side, it was already too late. (last ask in the series "Ashiya not being part of the youkai world") Ironically, the Mononokean and most other youkai were more open and willing to welcome Ashiya into their world. Still, if and when Ashiya can see youkai again, I hope Abeno will have realized the opportunity he'd wasted. When these two reunite, I hope Abeno won't push Ashiya away again. That's all. I wanted to share these thoughts with you. Please let me know your opinion on the matter. Thank you for reading! :)”

I think you’re right on point with the themes you’ve pointed out and I believe that’s what Sensei was going for too, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s terribly lonely for them to be separated from each other. ___(:3 At least we’re left with a (high) possibility of them getting back together (heh) and even moreso with the fanbook extra content too, so here’s to their continued adventures.

“I am not sure if you are familiar with this anime/manga/light novel series “No. 6” because the end of the Mononokean manga series appears similar to the end of the former in terms of the bond between the two male leads if you get what I mean.”

I know of it and it’s something I’ve always meant to get around to watching, but I have not seen it yet!

“Nooo, I can't believe it's over! 😭 But you know, ever since FNM's ending was announced, I've been looking for something to fill the void this precious story would inevitably leave in my heart, and then someone said "Watch Natsume Yuujinchou, the themes are similar and it's heartwarming". So I started it and, oh boy, I've been screaming at every episode because I'm not used to people openly showing their affection! 😂 So much hugging, hand-holding, head-patting... I'm melting!! (send help pls)”

“Hello Spring! We've reached the end of this wonderful journey, it seems. It's time for a new start. Thank you so much for everything you've done for this fandom, it wouldn't have been the same without you! Seriously, thank you, from the bottom of my heart! 😌 (PS: I forgot to mention, I opened this blog on my old old laptop, with its 1280x720 resolution, and the "ON YOUR OWN, BUT NOT ALONE" strip was right there covering Ashiya's and Abeno's faces, I had such a good laugh! I'm sorry I laughed!!)”

“This ending was really beautiful and yet sad. The promise made me hope but.. it's still so angst that maybe it will take years to hanae be able to see yokais again. I wonder if wazawa-sensei is okay, like, usually when a manga is ending they advertise previously, but the news was so suddenly that made me worry about sensei's health status. I also don't think that the publisher canceled the manga. So, I still don't know if this sudden ending was planned or not.”

Haha when I first made that tumblr theme, I kind of liked the effect that the strip had in covering Ashiya and Abeno’s faces somehow, but it always moves around depending on resolution lol.

In the afterword of the last volume and the fanbook, Sensei touched lightly on their various reasons for ending the manga (which I plan to cover eventually... when I have time...) and while I don’t think we’ll ever know fully, I got the impression that sensei personally seems in good health and even expressed that they would like to make another manga in the future, so as readers and fans we don’t need to worry too much.

“The manga ended well but we are left with unanswered questions : What is Abeno's past ? / Are golden eyes and hair special ? / What about Aoi's face ? / What really happened the day Aoi came back injured ? At this time she wasn't infected but Sakae died trying to save her (something is wrong with the plot) ?! / What about Fuzzy gender and his "human form" ?”

I will just say we got answers to some of those questions in the fanbook, and some we did not. :Y Please hold on for fanbook info!

Hey there. I’ve just read through the last chapter of the Mononokean. What a story. There are still a few questions that left me wondering: (1) What is the origin of the Mononokean itself?, (2) What is the origin of the Influence that flows within specific characters of the story?, (3) If Aoi was able to provide young Ashiya with a part of Sakae’s “Influence,” could it be done again?, & (4) If Ashiya could still see Fuzzy, what do you think this means for his potential abilities?

1. We were told in the first fanbook that the Mononokean was originally a well-loved tea ceremony room, and as we know in the Mononokean universe (also generally a concept in Japanese culture/religion, you can looked up the term “tsukumogami”), things that are used/loved sometimes end up gaining a sentience of their own, and if I remember right that’s how the Mononokean came to be too. (it’s been a while since I’ve reread the first fanbook so if I’m wrong please do correct me). As for any other specifics, we only know that Aoi and Abeno have been the first and second masters respectively, I’m pretty sure.

2. This was answered in the fanbook, which I’d like to summarize eventually! But Influence seems to be a natural power that develops in babies who have been in close contact with yokai before they were born, and golden hair and eyes are also a sign of that.

3. The partial Sakae Influence (lol wording) that Aoi gave to Ashiya as a baby was what Ashiya returned to Aoi to save them. I suppose since they’ve already done it before it’s technically possible, but that’d defeat the whole purpose of what they tried to do already haha.

4. I think it’s as Abeno theorizes, that Ashiya always did have a bit of ability to sense yokai on his own as well!

“I was looking for more FnM content and found out about your fanfictions on Ao3, so I read them all and oh my Lord! They were *so* good!! And I was very surprised and very glad to find out you ship Ashiya x Abeno, I'm especially happy because you ship them in that order, since I was so sure everybody would be shipping them in reverse order! Thank you so much for sharing your works!! (≧▽≦) ♡”

Thank you for your kind comments, I’m always so happy to hear someone loves my fic! I do love writing them even though I haven’t done it for a while and I have so many ideas and WIPs that I’ve still never gotten around to completely, but I swear I will do them someday... While I do think the reverse order is more popular in general, there’s a decent AshiItsu (the Japanese term for the ship haha) fandom thriving on Twitter!

Again thank you so much everyone! Look forward to fanbook info I’d like to get around to posting about soon!

Superposition

a deancas college roommates AU :)

Chapter 11 is up on AO3! Chapter-by-chapter masterlist here. 

Happiness Feels a Lot Like Sorrow

Present

Dean was doing his best to uphold his end of the scotch-induced bargain of Monday night. At the very least, he told himself, it would make the next week more bearable, with Cas lingering in his apartment at all hours.

He’d still been making himself busy. He spent twelve hours at the shop on both Tuesday and Wednesday, trying to catch up on the work he’d missed while he’d been out. Bobby had saddled him with the worst of the lot; Honda Odysseys and GMC Yukons that needed tire rotations or oil changes before enormous families made their Christmas treks. He’d started on Cas’s car, but hadn’t gotten much further than getting the old timing belt off.

By the end of his shift on Wednesday, he was exhausted. It felt good, though, being back in the shop, music accompanying him (at a decidedly lower volume than normal), his hands constantly occupied, mind numb from the easy work.

As he drove home from work, a sign in a shopping center caught his eye. Before he knew what he was doing, he was pulling into the parking lot of a local bookstore. He turned off the Impala’s engine and walked into the store, not entirely sure what he was looking for.

It was by impulse, really, that he picked up a copy of The Great Gatsby. It was a special edition, with extra content bound up at the end. He remembered Cas saying something about that book once. It seemed like a reasonable gift.

Dean almost put the book back on the shelf three separate times before forcing himself to the checkout counter. He paid for the book in a hurry, tossing it into the back seat when he reached the car. Stupid, he thought to himself. He wasn’t even one-hundred-percent sure that Cas still liked that book. He supposed, if he chickened out, he could just give it to Sam, instead.

When Dean arrived at the apartment, Sam announced that he was picking up Taco Bell for dinner. Dean and Cas replied “crunchwrap” at the same time when Sam asked them what they wanted. He raised his eyebrows and the synchronicity, but didn’t say anything, just made a note in his phone. Cas went bright red. Dean stared resolutely at the ground.

Cas was sitting in the armchair with a book as Dean sunk into the couch, exhausted from two long days in a row. The history channel on. Dean wrinkled his nose and punched in the numbers for the Food Network.

“You watch the history channel? By choice?” Dean asked, feigning disgust.

Cas smirked as he closed his book. “I wasn’t really watching it,” he said, “But on occasion, I do like to listen to the conspiracy theorists on Ancient Aliens.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “That’s what you and Sam do all day? Nerd out over crazy historians?”

“Mostly,” Cas said sarcastically. Dean snorted.

“You sure you don’t want Sam or I to drive you home for Christmas?” Dean said. He’d made the offer the day before, but Cas had refused.

Cas sighed. “I’m sure. I appreciate the gesture, but Christmas with my family is the last disaster I want to saddle with myself after…” He waved his hand generally.

Dean nodded. “You still talk to any of ‘em? Your family.”

“Occasionally,” Cas said. “My father called yesterday to ask your same question. I suspect he suddenly feels quite guilty about his treatment of me, considering accountants make quite a bit more than small-town preachers.”

“He’s worried about his retirement fund?”

“Most likely. I do still talk to Anna, though, on a regular basis.”

Dean felt a memory pull at his brain. “She’s the, uh, the therapist, right?”

Cas smiled to himself. “Indeed.”

“I’m assuming you’re spending Christmas at Bobby’s?” Cas asked after a beat.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said. “The usual thing. It’s always a good time.”

A smile tugged at Cas’s lips. “I’m glad.”

Dean drummed his fingers against the side of the couch. “You know,” he started, and he was already regretting it, “Sam wants you to come. To Bobby’s. For Christmas.” He cringed. The words sounded lame, like he’d made the whole thing up.

“He does?” Cas asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, but I told him it’d probably be weird, you know,” Dean said with a shrug. “Big crowds aren’t your thing, and all.”

Cas eyed him. “Why didn’t he ask me himself?” He wondered. “We spend a lot of time together.”

Dean stared at the TV. “I dunno, that’s on him.”

Dean could still feel Cas’s eyes on him. “Is this your way of inviting me to spend Christmas with you?” He asked.

Dean nearly fell off the couch. “What? No,” he rushed out. “I mean, it’s not… Not with me. With everyone. I dunno, if you’re gonna be here anyway…” He cleared his throat. “I mean, Christmas alone is kinda shitty. Especially in this shithole,” he added as he gestured at his apartment. “You can come if you want,” he said finally. “Everyone would probably be happy to see you.”

Cas was staring at him, staring through him, like he always did. Dean turned his attention back to the cooking show playing on the television.

“What?” Dean snapped.

“Nothing,” Cas said, tilting his head. “Déjà vu.”

Dean’s chest tightened at that. “Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat. “What d’ya say?”

“Okay,” Cas said eventually. “I’ll come, unless that would make you uncomfortable.”

Dean’s head snapped up. After everything, he hadn’t really expected Cas to say yes. “Uh, no, man, like I said on Monday. New start.”

“Right,” Cas said slowly. “And you don’t think we should talk about why we need a ‘new start’, as you say?”

Dean glowered at the TV. “Nope,” he said. Did he always have to make everything difficult? It had been three years, and Dean truly wanted nothing more than to forget about all of it. He didn’t want closure, he didn’t need closure. Neither of them did, seeing as Cas would go back to his glamorous life in less than a week, anyway.

He could feel Cas’s eyes on the back of his head, but he ignored them. “If that’s what you want,” Cas said, his voice resigned.

Dean sat up, then, finally facing Cas. “Don’t you?” He asked, unsure if that was a question he was ready to hear answered.

“I suppose, in a way,” Cas said.

“What the hell does that mean?”

It was Cas, now, who looked away. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “Nothing important, anyway.”

Dean wanted to pry, but knew he would be a hypocrite if he did. He got up and moved to the kitchen for a glass of water. He brought a second one to the living room for Cas, who uttered his thanks.

“You ever finish that thing you were working on in college?” Dean asked.

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. “I thought we were on a clean slate. ‘Forgetting about everything.’”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on, that doesn’t count.”

Cas took a sip of his water. “If you’re referring to the pages that are sitting in your bedroom at the moment —” Dean winced “— then no.”

Dean shot him a confused look. “Why not?”

“I… Lost the inspiration,” Cas said carefully.

“Oh.”

Cas regarded him thoughtfully. “You ask me a lot of questions,” he said. “Am I allowed to do the same?”

“You can do whatever you want,” Dean grumbled.

Cas gave him a sideways grin. “I mean, will you become willfully taciturn if I ask you questions about yourself?”

Dean was ruffled at being called out so bluntly. “No promises,” he muttered.

“What has your life looked like the past three years?”

Dean wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Not real interesting,” he said. “Working for Bobby during the days, bartending at nights. Saving up money for Sam’s college. Living here.” He shrugged. “Pretty normal, I guess.”

“Do you still bartend?” Cas asked.

“Nah, I quit that when Sam got his scholarship,” Dean replied. “I make enough at the shop to cover what that money won’t.”

Cas smiled. “That’s quite impressive.”

“I’m just a mechanic.”

“I meant paying for Sam’s college.”

Dean felt heat crawl up his neck. “Not a big deal,” he said.

“I would have thought you were on your way to settling down,” Cas said slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully. “But that doesn’t appear to be the case.”

“No,” Dean said, and this conversation was getting dangerously close to acknowledgement of their history. Dean didn’t dare look at Cas. The fact that he thought, after everything, that Dean would be anywhere close to “in a relationship” was downright comical.

Dean, too, chose his words carefully. “I could say the same about you,” he said. “Unless there’s some guy waiting for you in KC,” he added, realizing he couldn’t possibly know otherwise. “Which, if there is, he’s kind of a dick for not —”

“There’s not,” Cas interrupted.

And that was surprising.

Dean hadn’t realized it until that moment, but he had fully expected Cas to be halfway down the road to marriage by now. The fact that he wasn’t erupted feelings that Dean wasn’t entirely ready to face.

“How’s the eye?” He asked, changing the subject.

Cas put three fingers up to the bruise, which was looking less black and more like splotches of blue and green. “Better,” he said decidedly.

“Good,” Dean replied.

They stopped talking, each turning their attention to the program playing on the TV. Dean had a brief moment of disassociation, watching the scene from somewhere beyond himself. It was strange, he thought, to be sitting in his living room with Castiel Novak, two twenty-somethings living vastly different versions of the same life. Inexplicably, he felt the same thing he’d felt when he was eighteen, lying in the dark, talking to Cas across the room. He felt known, he felt seen, like each and every part of him was open for voyeuristic display. It was nothing Cas had said, nothing he had done, it was just him. The way he pushed and pushed against Dean’s shoddy walls while somehow managing to meet him in the middle, every time.

Dean was grateful for the distraction of food when Sam returned. Dean was quiet during dinner, finding comfort in an observatory role. He wondered at Sam and Cas’s closeness, after only a few days spent holed up together. He rolled his eyes when the two of them began communicating in sign language, because of course Cas knew sign language. When Cas’s eyes flicked to Dean after Sam signed something, and the two of them laughed, Dean huffed and gathered the trash to take it out.

It was a frigid night, his breath visible in the low gleam of the floodlights. He tossed the bag over the side of the dumpster and paused. He dug in his pocket, and, finding both his lighter and a pack of cigarettes, lit one up and leaned against the dumpster.

Dean wasn’t sure how long he stood there, taking long drags until the end of the cigarette burned his fingers, and then just standing, staring into the parking lot.

“Dean?” A gruff voice called, and he turned to find Cas standing across from him, a tan trench coat thrown haphazardly over his black t-shirt and jeans. He cocked an eyebrow at Dean. “What are you doing?”

Dean dug the pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket in answer. “Smoke,” he said.

Cas gave a short nod and made his way over to the dumpster. He leaned against it, next to Dean, shoving his hands deep in the pockets of his coat. Dean gave him a sidelong glance, but Cas was looking straight ahead, deep in thought.

“You and Sam seem to be getting along,” Dean said, his voice gruff.

“Your brother is extraordinarily kind,” Cas said in reply, not bothering to look at Dean. “He talks about you often,” he added.

Dean snorted. “Yeah, well,” he said, but didn’t complete the thought. He hadn’t bothered to throw on a jacket, and he shivered as the wind blew straight through his thin flannel. Cas was standing close, their elbows almost touching, and Dean could have been eighteen again. He could feel it, somewhere deep in his stomach, that same bundle of nerves and excitement that had always come when Cas was just a little too close. He almost shut his eyes against the strength of it, but he willed it away, looking at Cas instead.

Cas still wore that intent expression on his face as he stared off into the distance. “Hey,” Dean said, elbowing him in the arm. “You creating world peace over there or something?”

The ghost of a smile. “No,” Cas said. “I’m just thinking.”

That was vague. Dean raised an eyebrow. “’Bout what?”

Cas side-eyed him. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Dean rolled his eyes and made a motion with his hand that said, go on.

“It’s just strange,” Cas started, wrapping the coat tighter around himself, “That I should end up stranded here, in Lawrence, of all places.”

Dean resisted the urge to pull out another cigarette before continuing this conversation. “I guess,” he said.

“Stranger still that your shop should be the one closest to me at the time.”

Dean shrugged. “Yeah, I mean, it’s kinda weird,” he said. “I never expected… Well, that’s why I hit my head, anyway.”

Cas whipped his head around to look at Dean in confusion. “What?”

And, yeah, this was embarrassing, but Dean couldn’t exactly stop now. He rubbed the back of his neck. “When I heard you talking to Bobby,” he explained, “I just kinda… Well, I was pretty friggin’ shocked to hear you, of all people.”

Cas stared at him. “Oh,” was all he said.

“So thanks for this,” Dean said, aiming for levity as he pointed to the soon-to-be scar on his forehead. He smirked.

Cas faced forward again. “I didn’t mean to shock you,” he said. “Actually, I had no idea it was you under that truck.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “What, even after you talked to Bobby, you didn’t figure it out?”

Cas shrugged. “The life I always pictured you might be living was very different than the one you live.”

Dean immediately felt defensive. “Okay, asshole, my life is —”

“I didn’t say ‘better’,” Cas interrupted. “Just different.”

That shut Dean up. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but he asked anyway, “What did you picture? For me?”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “Nothing very specific. I suppose a girlfriend, a good job, doing something you like, in a place that you liked. You used to speak so fondly of Texas, I thought maybe you’d moved there. You told me, once, that you had thought about engineering. I usually pictured you like that, an office job. A stable life.”

Dean was watching Cas paint that picture. An office job, coming home to some faceless girl and planning his life around the possibility of an okay-marriage and two-and-a-half kids, waking up at forty and wondering what exact point in his life had lead him down this road. It looked wildly unsatisfying from where he stood.

He just made a grunt of understanding. “Well, you were way off, pal,” he said.

Another small smile, like it had almost been contained. “Apparently,” Cas said.

“You know,” Dean said, uncomfortable with the attention placed on him, “You didn’t turn out how I thought either.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well after… You know, I read that thing you wrote. And it was good, Cas, it was damn good.” Something lodged itself uncomfortably in the back of his throat as he recalled the nights he spent wondering where Cas had been, what he’d been doing. He coughed. “I guess I just expected that, by now, you’d have published it. Made a shit-ton of money and bought a douchebag-sized house in, like, Ohio, or something.”

“You make it sound like it’s disappointing that that isn’t the case,” Cas said, and, though he was giving Dean a smirk, his eyes looked sad. Dean felt a pang in his chest at having caused unintentional pain.

“No, no,” he said quickly. “Not… I dunno, I guess… I thought that writing stuff made you happy. And…” And you deserve to be happy, even without me. Dean had the words, they were right there, but he couldn’t say them, couldn’t take that first step in bridging the now-unacknowledged divide between them. “Well, it’s not like I pictured you depressed or anything,” he said instead.

Cas turned to look at him. “Are you happy, Dean?”

The gravity of the question, the look in Cas’s eyes, curious and almost pleading, sucked the air right out of Dean’s lungs. And there was something screaming at the back of his brain, that no, he wasn’t, that he hadn’t been, that he could never be, because the one key ingredient to that happiness was —

“Yeah,” Dean replied in a small voice. “I guess so.”

Cas stared at him for a moment longer, still searching, before dropping his head and turning away.

“Are you?” Dean asked, almost defiantly, as if the question had been a test that now he was forcing Cas to take.

“I’m very fortunate,” Cas said carefully. “If I am unhappy, it is of my own doing.”

And that totally wasn’t an answer, but Dean let it slide. It was cold, and his back hurt, and he was tired from a long day at work. Silently, he pushed off the dumpster and began to make his way back to the apartment. Cas joined him, settling into a comfortable gait by his side. The air was languid between them, like it was too heavy to move.

Dean let both of them back inside and Cas excused himself to take a shower. Sam was watching something on TV and raised his eyebrows at Dean’s re-entrance. Dean just ignored him, settling onto the couch, thinking about fate and happiness and whether or not the two might be connected.

---------------

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Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Chapter 7 - Tenjin-ya's Hotspring Manjuu Part 1

T/N: I all, how are you all doing? Thank you for waiting, I did my best but I’m not at my best so if there’s typos.. Sorry, I did minimal beta.. I am doing my best to get to Part 2 over the weekend, please look forward to that...

As always, if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just copy-pasted everything. I even had to build the kanji in Jisho one by one. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.You can rave about this, rant about this, reply, etc. but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in. I’ll prolly do 1-5 once 6-10 has been done, or however long I can manage to translate the raw texts, it can take a toll at times.  As previously-mentioned in earlier chapters, if you stumbled upon this one, the two seasons of the anime covered volumes 1-5, so other than the extra details, you didn’t miss much stuff.  There's more recipes in this chapter, but again, if you're planning to try these, I cannot guarantee your success. The methods aren't exactly precise in the book, and based on my experiences in dealing with desserts, precision measurements are the key to success. So as always, try at your own risk, I am not liable for any losses O_O  Alright here’s chapter 7 now...

P217 "Say, Aoi-chan, is there anything I can do?" "Oh, Kasuga?" After the full moon and so many days, Kasuga came to Yugao. It was before working hours, and while sitting on the counters, Kasuga was wearing a depressed face. "Everyone doesn't want to give me anything to do. They say that since I am the Minister of the Right's daughter, I should just take a break. The Okami-sama just couldn't put so much pain onto me. Gah, I just have too much free time." "Oh, so that's how it is." "Yeah-- Even though until today they were always sending me out to do all sorts of errands. And I had a fight with O-ryo-sama too." "With O-ryo? Why??!" "O-ryo sama, she somehow changed, somewhat. She started wailing and complaining when I decided to get married into the Northern Lands, as well as resigning. Even though I told her that it was out of my hands, she just pouted and ignored me when I was talking to her. I wonder if she's resentful because I was getting married before she did." "..." P218 In O-ryo's case, she's just lonely... But at the end of this month Kasuga's already resigning, it's probably sad if she doesn't get to do some work. "That's it then. If that's the case, how about working here in Yugao? Just about now, we're short of helping hands." "But I'm already here, Aoi-sama--" "Ahaha, Ai-chan hasn't had her public appearance yet." The kitchen trainee-helper Ai-chan who has helped me so much, peeked with a bouncy face. With the original appearance that she made for me, I still don't ask her to serve the customers because she still easily gets sleepy. If Kasuga's going to lend a hand, that's going to be a great help... "But Kasuga, I wonder if you wanted to be a waitress until the end..." "Hmmmm.. I won't say it's what I feel but, right now I have nowhere else to go. I get it now, I'll work at Aoi-chan's place." "That's great! If that's the case, then Kasuga is our new-hire! That being said, you can't leave us now just yet, Kasuga." "What the, don't you make things so serious, Aoi-chan! Even though I said that I'd quit Tenjin-ya, I'll probably come back here again if I failed." "...Is that even possible?" P219 "If that happens, that's a problem. But if anything happens, I don't know." "..." I wonder if Kasuga is worried about something. While propping her chin on her hands, she seems to be only thinking of one thing. "Oh, that's right! Kasuga, won't you come make some Tenjin-ya's hotspring manjuu with me?" "Hotspring manjuu? That squirmy brown sugar-flavored hotspring manjuu?" "No, the new hotspring manjuu by Tenjin-ya that was requested of me. That's why I'm in the middle of its test trials. Come here for a bit. Oh, and the apron's over there." I allowed Kasuga to wear the spare apron, and immediately she went inside the kitchen. We have just finished gathering the ingredients for the manjuu that we were going to make. Home-made rice flour from newly-harvested rice, some sake, and Kimon's specialty product Cassowary eggs. Hand-made red bean paste were made into balls and arranged. There's also products delivered from the Northern Lands such as milk and cream cheese. "Aoi-chan, what are you planning to make with these?" "I wonder if I can call them steamed flour manjuu? We have a pan that's good enough to be used for steaming. It looks like Kasuga's cheeks, it's fluffy and springy and soft." "What, you're saying that I'm a round-faced Tanuki right now?" "No, I didn't say that you reminded me of that..." But it won't be a problem to make it into an authentic Tanuki face... P220 Kasuga puffed her cheeks more than ever. "Aoi-san, good morning. What is the daily special** for today.. hey, it's Kasuga-san?" Ginji came to Yugao to check what meals were going to be served today. Kasuga has been here since morning, and he seemed to be shocked. "Oh, Ginji-san. Uhm, you see, starting today Kasuga is now our newly-hired employee. I explained the circumstances as such and such to Ginji-san. "Oh, I see now. The other waitresses had reservations on Kasuga and probably didn't want to impose. It's important to take care of your body before getting married." "I'm sturdily built, I can do multitasking too..." "I understand, Kasuga-san. Well then, I'll tell them that your days of being a waitress in Tenjin-ya has ended and you'll be our all-around help here. Up to now, with you having worked as a waitress in Tenjin-ya, you've also have a job here in Yugao as a hired help, so don't talk about weird things." "..." Kasuga eagerly nodded her head. Definintely, she wants to work as a waitress until the very end... With regards to O-ryo, she truly had to support Kasuga during those times, and yet why on earth is she sulking? If I meet O-ryo, I really had to ask her about it. T/N: Teishoku=定食=can be the regular set meals or the daily special. A lot of times, Japanese restaurants adjust their menu according to the ingredients available for the day, the week, or even the season. So oftentimes the menu can change up to a daily basis. P221 "Alright then! In anyhow and in anycase, today is hotspring manjuu! Hotspring manjuu!" With a plop I put my hands together, and briskly propped up my kimono sleeves. "Say, Ginji-san, the hell's cauldron in the "secret base", can we use that, I wonder?" "The hell's cauldron, you say? Yes you may, it's not fixed there you know." Alright, as I closed my fists triumphantly. Since we already had permission, we first had to do some preliminary preparations. Food preparation is easy. The steamed manjuu that we're making would be of two flavors: "Egg" and "Cheese". The "Egg", well, it's plain flavored. I'll add the Cassowary eggs, milk, oils and other ingredients, and mix them all until smooth, and to replace baking powder I'll use rice flour, and add some liquor to that. Once the flour bits have disappeared, these will be sufficiently mixed altogether. For the "Cheese", we'll use the cream cheese delivered from the Northern Lands. Once it has softened we'll mix in on a mixing bowl that looks like a goldfish bowl, and mix the dough which was also used for the "Egg" flavor. For those two flavors, I halved the dough with my hands. Because the dough has a high moisture content, it's necessary to put them in the steamer individually. But because there's no cups here like those in Utsushiyo, for the meantime as these steam we'll just use the small bowls as replacement, and only the "Egg" with the red bean paste balls were loaded in. "Aoi-chan, are we not going to put bean paste in the 'Cheese' ones?" P222 "This manjuu has no bean paste, the cream cheese mixed in this dough is going to give out the flavor." The manjuu filled with bean paste is delicious, but what I plan to do today, apart from that it should be a product with an enjoyable taste and texture... "After this we will.. Steam it in hell.. heeheehee" "Aoi-chan's face looks like a demon from hell" "She's a cooking demon, Aoi-san." As expected from a bride from hell, says Kasuga and Ginji-san. No, I didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything. Now then. With the three of us, holding the hotspring manjuu inside the small bowls, we went towards the secret base in the mountain out back. In front of the pampas grass field, Kasuga who was feeling down and depressed suddenly had her moods lifted up. "Amazing! There's a place like this in this mountain behind Tenjin-ya?!" "Even I only learned about this a few days ago." The pampas grass and Kasuga, together, it surely looks like a painting. It reflects the autumn. As expected of a Tanuki. In the middle of the pampas grass field, an open area that has the open-air hotspring pops out like a hole, and beyond that there is a small shrine. Yesterday above that shrine I drank sweet sake, today it's different. In the nearby gazebo with the hell's cauldron, we're going to make hotspring manjuu. P223 "Uwah, it's hoooot." "Be careful, Aoi-san. The temperature of the steam that spouts out is above a hundred degrees**. We arranged the small bowls that we were using on a large bamboo strainer, and we carefully placed those inside the hell's cauldron. After that we closed it with the wooden lid, and waited for the steam to rise. "The steaming takes about 30 minutes. Let's go pick some pampas grass. We'll use those to decorate Yugao with, to make it more autumn-y." Somehow, while we were waiting we started gathering pampas grass. Kasuga's wild instincts awakened, and with a poof turned into a Tanuki, and started running around the pampas grass field. From where I thought she was hiding in-between the pampas she would pop out and appear, and then vanish and pop out her face somewhere, in another place. That cute little Tanuki, how is she already leaving to get married... "..." "While we're at it, is Ginji-san going to run around as a fox too?" "Ehhhh. I'm fine, you know--" Without knowing why, Ginji-san glowed. And I thought I was going to see a Tanuki and a fox playing together in the pampas grass field... "Ohhh, that, Steamed-juu, Steamed-juu**" While leisurely watching Kasuga run around the pampas grass field, with that so good a mood, we have forgotten about it. T/N: This is in Celsius guys, OK? So for Fahrenheit users, that's 100 x 9 divided by 5 plus 32 because 0 degrees Celsius=32 Fahrenheit so that makes it.. 212 Fahrenheit. Yes, even though I don't have to do this, I like doing something like this from time to time lol FOR SCIENCE!

This was shortened from “steamed manjuu” but steam-man sounds weird so I adjusted the translation to make it more appealing lol but hey, I translate the nouns however I see fit lol P224 This is likely a winner. When the lid of the hell's cauldron was taken off, a sweet smell along with the airy and billowy steam came out, and the lovely, fluffy, yellow steamed manjuu came to view. It seemed that it flowed out of the small bowl that it was steamed in, and it has thickly swelled into a round ball. This is somewhat steamed well, the carbs look delicious... "It looks delicious, Aoi-chan let's eat it right away" With a poof, Kasuga returned to her human form, and demanded it so as she pulled my sleeve. If there were aluminum cups or paper cups or any disposable cup that we could use, it's easy to do these... Using the small cups to have these steamed, while taking care of the emitted vapors I cut it into a cross-section and pulled it out using a narrow knife. I divided this into three portions for three people, and while it was still piping hot we took a bite. At any rate, this is the "Egg". "Uwah-- it's fluffy and bouncy!" Spontaneously, anyone could notice that. The fluffy and springy texture, it almost certainly had an impact on the memory. "It's because we used rice flour. Bread as well as steamed manjuu that uses rice flour, that gives off a prominent, bouncy feel.** The Ayakashi living in Kakuriyo love rice, and comparing this to those made with wheat flour, using rice flour a lot better. And particularly, these are made with rice flour made out of Kimon's rice brand, 'Onihonoka', doesn't that give off the vibe of being a souvenir product?"

T/N: Honestly any bread-ish product that uses rice flour is fluffy and springy. I love rice cakes too, they’re kinda like these. T_T P225 "Oh, that's a very important thing you know. Made locally, consumed locally. Isn't that great, the egg's fragrance is also left behind. It goes without saying that the Cassowary egg is this land's specialty product. Its ingredients and the process are but simple, and the basement workshop can make the process of hell steaming easier. It's unreal that souvenir products get mass-produced, it's because it's difficult to figure out how much the cost of production would be." Because Ginji-san has already experienced failures on such in the past, his face got agonized. "Say Aoi-chan, this cheese type that we also steamed, can we try eating it too?" "Yes of course. Well.. Here's what I was planning to do.." I could predict that the popularity of the "Egg" was going to be great. But if it's just that, I worry that its impact as a newly-released product would wane quickly. Aside from that, as cheese it not yet a major product while it's gradually being introduced and spread out, I put my focus on it. A dessert made especially with cream cheese. It was good that there's also some here in Kakuriyo. "I have realized that lately, I have been eating a lot of cheese, but in Kakuriyo aren't there any foods served that are called as such? But here, we're near the Northern Lands where their dairy industry is booming, and I think that I want the Ayakashi living in Kakuriyo to know about the flavors of cheese. Cheese-flavored steamed bread. I used to make a lot of those in Utsushiyo." I was a regular buyer of those convenience store breads. These were desserts similar to cheese souffle. P226 I wonder if Ayakashi can be allowed to receive them? "Uwah... I thought it was going to taste something like before, but this is entirely different. It is rich, and has a bit of sourness, doesn't it?" "It differs from the "Egg" as its taste is mildly more apparent, but the cream cheese's unique flavor has fully dissolved into the dough, didn't it? This tastes good. For sure, this is going to be Tenjin-ya's unique and finest souvenir item. And in spite of becoming like that, that is what makes this thing important." Kasuga and Ginji-san seem to have their enjoyment in eating got stolen. Those two, seemed to be taking in things well. "Nonetheless, this is a big gamble. We're going to divert the attention away from the cheese flavor, so I think it's a good idea to turn it into a limited-edition item." "If you say it like that, it's like an expansion. The dough used for 'Egg' can be the base, and we can serve the flavors of each season. There's plain dough, dough with bean paste, and we can change the flavorings. I think it's possible for that dessert. Indeed, it can be promising. I think we should go for it!!" Somehow Ginji-san seems to feel it in his gut, a while ago he was worried about calculating the production costs and the production methods. Kasuga reached out for the steaming basket with her hands, and started gouging out the freshly-steamed manjuu by herself, picking it out and taking a bite, tearing a part out and taking a bite, she seemed so happy as her mouth was chewing. It seems that she has taken a liking to the cream cheese. "This hell-juu** is delicious, right?" T/N: Hell-juu=hell manjuu= the original was jigoku-man, from jigoku-manjuu, but that doesn't ring a bell, or at least, not in my case. Well, whatever, I translate so I heck this on my own accord lololol P227 "Hell-juu? That somehow sounds like a disturbing name, isn't it?" Manjuu steamed using hell's cauldron, abbreviated into hell-juu. But Ginji-san just nonchalantly acted as if he didn't hear what were being said. "I think that's great! It's catchy, and it sounds uniquely Kimon-y. It also makes it easy to design the packaging for the souvenir's box!" "Y-you think so?" For sure it's easy to roll off the tongue, but I wanted to give off the impression of a cute, sweet little baby chick, I was perplexed at how the naming was ostentatious. But Kasuga making a name for the souvenir product by herself, I just found her so adorable. Kasuga seems glad, and I guess that's good somehow... "Say, Aoi-chan. What shape will you sell this with? For sure we can't sell these still being inside a bowl, won't we?" She bluntly asked the question, which is just as important, I pointed my finger out to think. "That is our number 1 question. We can make them right now using bowls as they steam, but essentially we need to make them using tools such as aluminum containers, thin paper cups and other sorts of shape holders. I think it's hard to get hold of them in Kakuriyo." "..if you're just thinking of one shape, won't the inn be able to make the tools?" P228 "Really? Ginji-san, that can be done?" With a face brimming with confidence, Ginji-san declared "Yes, that's right". "Here at Tenjin-ya, we have a large-scale workshop underground. If it's something that is like an item from Utsushiyo, Dr. Saraku would research about it quickly, and the Iron-mice can make them for you overnight." "Wow, the underground workshop people are amazing! If we're going there now, let's ask them." My plan was impulsive, and as such Ginji-san doesn't have any time to spare anymore. "Even if I was to go with you, from here onwards I can't go to any other department to do my work. Hmmm, but if I let Aoi-san go by herself, I will get worried. You might get lost." What's that? Ginji-san perceived that I easily get lost... "Then in that case I'll take her to Tenjin-basement, Wakadanna-sama. I've gone there a lot due to errands." "Ah, if Kasuga-san is there, then I'll be relieved of worry! Yes, please do take care of Aoi-san." Ginji-san had me under Kasuga's care, and with a quick bow of the head, quickly left the place and left us. "Say, Kasuga, what place is Tenjin-basement?" "Uhm, you see, Aoi-chan, the underground workshop is where everyone here at Tenjin-ya, trespasses into." "Oh, it's that kind of place." Originally, before going to Tenjin-basement, we were going to discuss with and ask Dr. Saraku about the production of the new hotspring manjuu. P229 And for that reason, we were going to give Dr. Saraku some Hell-juu to taste-test.

"Uhm, excuse me, Dr. Saraku!" "Hmmm... Oh, who's there~?" "Uhm, it's Aoi.. From Yugao!" In Tenjin-ya's underground workshop, managing the trespassed Tenjin-basement, the "Development Department Chief" Dr. Saraku, was just coming out of a nap when we came in. Previously when we went to the research room, he was in the corner wrapped in a blanket and looking dead asleep, and we shook him awake. "Hmm. It's nice that you came by, Yomego-cha~n. Oh, Kasuga-ojouchan is also here!" While wearing his black glasses, Dr. Saraku looked at both Kasuga and I to confirm that it was us. Waking up and wearing his lab coat, he gave out a huge yawn. "Could it be that, you have finished making the new hotspring manjuu?" "Yes. But we still have a small problem, we heard from Ginji-san that Dr. Saraku can resolve it, and we thought to give some to you for taste testing as we consult about it." Kasuga opened the cloth covering the steaming basket, and with a "Here you go" took out the small bowls used for steaming P230 the two types of steamed manjuu. "Hmmm. This looks like a Kakuriyo-style cupcake?" "N-no... We didn't have any equipment that's why we used the small bowls for steaming.. And that's our problem." Right away, we explained the choice of ingredients to Dr. Saraku, and we gave him each type for sampling. "Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this very good? This is the exact opposite of the old-fashioned and unpopular brown sugar manjuu! It's light and soft and fluffy. There's so much moisture so an appropriate container is needed, eh? The cheese added to this makes it feel so fashionable as well." "For me, I also reasonably like today's old-fashioned manjuu." "Kasuga-ojouchan, you probably have an attachment to that." While humming, as Dr. Saraku tore from the manjuu and repeatedly ate it, he was thinking on what shape it should be made into. "If we made each of the plain manjuu into a small bite-sized piece, we can fit a lot of it inside a box. Since the chewy dough of the plain manjuu is relatively elastic, it is better to make them small so that they are easier to eat." "Certainly... like chewy bread and doughnuts, it's easy to tear apart, and we probably can make a lot of them when small." "In addition to that, right now its size easily fills in the stomach and it's good that we sell it this way. If the manjuu was bigger, P231 it would be a problem when half gets left uneaten." "Ah, yeah, that's right, that's right." We nodded enthusiastically, Kasuga and I. For sure, with a smaller size it's easier to adjust the amounts anyone would want to eat. "Also, the colors for 'Egg' and 'Cheese' doesn't seem distinct from one another, and I'd like for them to be distinguishable solely by looking at them. It't probably a good idea to change the color of the steaming cups." With a rustling sound, Dr. Saraku fished something out of his research desk. What the, it looks like something sold in Utsushiyo, a paper cup used for steamed bread and cupcakes. "The item that Yomego-chan wanted, is something like this?" "Yes, yes, this is it. But what's with this one?" "This is an item that we developed. It's an item delivered from Utsushiyo. We took it for future use." According to Dr. Saraku, they were producing a paper cup capable of withstanding the steaming process, and that seems to be easy here in Kakuriyo. It's very easy to tear off as well as edible, the inner part is waxed, the outside feels like it was made to look like soft washi paper. The colors were white and red. Right away, it was red and white, the favorite of Ayakashi. Immediately Dr. Saraku started drawing a blueprint. And then... "Uhhhh.. Workshop Manager No. 3, Workshop Manager No. 3, this is urge~nt, go to Saraku's place" "Yes-chu" The Iron Mouse Workshop Manager who was called for heard the broadcast opened the door, and immediately appeared. While wearing work clothes and scurrying P232 it went to us. "Workshop Manager No. 3, can you not make me a prototype of this blueprint of a receptacle? White and red. First of all, it's made out of paper, the inside has a powerful waxy coating. It should have the feel of withstanding the steaming in Tenjin-ya's hotsprings-- that is the most important detail of all. You understand?" "I understand-chu. I'll make it right away-chu." The Iron Mouse Workshop manager received the instructions without any hesitation, and left the research room scurrying out. I thought the assignment's instructions were sloppy but, right now it's somewhat amazing that it was comprehensible. "By the way Yomego-chan, we have to talk about the unavoidable aspect of this souvenir product, do we use preservatives or something, and how? What about the expiry date? Is the shelf-like short, is it long, we have to adjust how many we will sell as well as the flavors, you know." "So about hat, we were planning to ask Shizuna-chan about that. Because we will be using Tenjin-ya's hotspring vapors to do hell-steaming, we heard that it can help the food less prone to spoilage." "Oh... that kind of talk. Surely it's because it's about hell-steaming, for that type of hotspring it's OK to use 10 minutes of time. Shizuna-ojouchan is just below, certainly she is at the 5th level underground research room. It's Tenjin-ya's deep subterranean area where the aggregated steam is used, many researches are done there." After hearing that, we briefly went to where Shizuna-chan was. P233 Tenjin-basement 5th floor. That is where all researches of the collected steam underground were done, and has testing sites for hotspring types for use by the bath house managers. It was a bit dark, and the steam was hot. All around it, it seemed like an excavation site. The researchers wearing a lab coat were surrounding a hotspring that glows a dull, eerie,red-colored light, they were pouring something, churning, collecting, and arranging. Ah, that's creepy. What are they even doing... Shizuna-chan was wearing an earnest face while giving out instructions. "Well now, Aoi-san, Kasuga, what brings you here?" Peeking out and realizing that we were there, she went away from her place, and came to us with a smile. Shizuna-chan in a lab coat looks cute. "Shizuna-chan, are you in the middle of an experiment? We have something that we want to consult with you for a bit." "It's because we're... making Tenjin-ya's new hotspring manjuu." After telling her about it, Shizuna-chan clasped her hands together and went "Wow, new hotspring manjuu?". Somehow she seemed to be interested in it. "Since we're already here, please walk this way." And after that, she showed us around the personal laboratory she was using. "I apologize, it's dirty..." P234 "..." Uh, hm. For sure, it's fairly messy. Dr. Saraku's lab may be staying within the limits, but comparing this place, this looks like it hasn't been tidied up yet, and there were so many stuff in it. The room is also cramped, it seems. Surprisingly, this looks like a girl that couldn't sweep the room entirely by herself. "Oh" On top of Shizuna-chan's research table, placed astutely was a picture of Tokihiko-san. Tokihiko-san was Shizuna-chan's master, and is currently Orio-ya's Chief Bath Manager. Somehow it looked like it was torn out of a magazine, from Orio-ya's special feature edition. It seems that beside him was Hatori-san's face, up to two-thirds of the whole has been torn off... "Well then, what's the consultation about?" Shizuna-chan served some tea for us. From there, while sipping tea, we talked with Shizuna-chan about the situation with the production of the new manjuu, and we gave her some Hell-juu for taste-testing. "Wow, this is delicious...! This, surely this has been steamed in our hotsprings, isn't it?' "You knew?" "Yes, through its flavor and aroma. I know it very well, it is this the hotspring's flavor." P235 As expected of the bath manager. And such and such, we continued our conversations. "So this manjuu, you want to preserve it through hell-steaming, yes? For sure, the hotspring drawn from Tenjin-ya's subterranean areas have sulphur as its component, and it has a germicidal action. The preservation itself is connected to this so.. Aoi-san, how many days would you like the shelf-life to be?" "Oh, that, at least about 20 days, I think it's good enough for a takeaway souvenir product." "If it's for 20 days, using Tenjin-ya's steam, I think it's possible using only the hotspring resources maintained here, that would be effective. It's a natural preservative, and doesn't give the body negative side effects." Based on what Shizuna-chan said, the antibacterial effects of the hotsprings are being used to develop medicine, and it's very much the work of bath managers. "It's not difficult to boost the antibacterial effects of the available hotsprings, Even the employees at the bath management research area also know the possibilities. Indeed, please allow the bath management research team to cooperate with the creation of the Hell-juu as well!" "Wah, thank you Shizuna-chan!" "It's Aoi-san's suggestion, and it's a souvenir item that Kasuga christened. I want this souvenir item to be loved by so many people for a very long time..." Shizuna-chan the nure-onna's smile, the twinkle was starting to crumble. Covering the corners of her eyes with her lab coat, with a frail voice she utters "So sad..." "I don't want to imagine Kasuga eventually leaving Tenjin-ya. Because I wont have a roomate T/N: So basically, they're using steam to sterilize the manjuu. Wow, so science-y.. WAh, this brings back old memories... I miss I old job x_x lol it depends gahahaha P236 anymore, and I'll be alone... It's lonely~..." With those words, even Kasuga's eyes started welling up in spite of herself. I see now. These two girls are more than two roomates sharing the same room. "I, truly understand Kasuga very well. I asked Odanna-sama about it. That is why, I asked how can I help Kasuga with my own hands, even though that's the only way that I can do to help~. Even our room, Kasuga always cleans it for me~" "Shizuna-chan..." Kasuga looks like she's about to cry while smiling, and she gently hugged Shizuna-chan. “Shizuna-chan is such a cry-baby. Even though you're part of the management staff somehow you still roomed with me, and I've thought about that for a long time, because it is what it is, right? Me, I'll still go to Tenjin-ya again. This time as a guest, and enter the baths under Shizuna-chan's management. Surely, I'll be diligently tidying up the room, you know." After a moment, Shizuna-chan eventually recovered and calmed down from her sobbing. Waveringly, she slapped her cheeks impressively. I didn't know, Kasuga has so many strong and long bonds... "Kasuga, I'll give this to you. It's important to take a rest, OK?" Shizuna-chan fished out something from her research desk, and pulled something out. P237 It was a brown, ordinary medicine jar with a red label stuck on it. When it was opened... "Wah, it's the 'SUPER - Sea of Blood Ointment'!" "Really? What is that gooey red thing?!" Kasuga seemed really happy... And I was disgusted by what I saw, it was something, like a blood-colored slime. "Heehee, Aoi-san this is medicine that you apply on your skin. It was developed and made by Tenjin-ya's Hotspring Research, and it's a really effective ointment. 'SUPER' is not for sale, please have one, Aoi-san. Before washing, when the seasons have become harsh, be sure to use it for cracked and fissured skin. Even I apply it every night on my feet and hands." "Eh, that's so helpful! Thanks Shizuna-chan!" Lately, the water used for washing dishes have been cold and stinging, and only Odanna-sama told me that my hands were cracked and worn. This looks grotesque on the eyes, but with this I'm pleased. I'm grateful to be given something that I can use.

Having finished our consultations, as well as receiving the mysterious medicine SUPER - Sea of Blood Ointment, as Shizuna-chan went "Bye-bye" we left the Tenjin-basement and went back up. "Ah, you're just in time, Yomego-chan, Kasuga Ojou-chan!" P238 "Dr. Saraku" In front of the Development Department research room, Dr. Saraku and the Iron Mouse Workshop Manager were waiting for us. "Look, look, it's finished. A container to use in steaming!" "What, that's fast!" Somehow only one hour has passed, and a sample container for steaming Hell-juu has already been finished. This was some technical prowess. Tenjin-basement's Workshop Iron Mice are magical. And triumphantly with a smug face saying "It's before breakfast-chu", the Workshop manager looks cute somehow. .. "Here, you can try checking the strength of this while steaming Hell-juu. Our workshop has a hell's cauldron that you can use. Also, we have to show the finished product to Byakuya-san. Ochouban-chou will set the price point, and in turn will also do the commercializations." ".. what? Price? Isn't that done here already?" "What are you talking about? The earlier you do that, the better. It's important to be the leader. In some respects, if someone tells you to do it, it's like getting told off twice."** "..." Kasuga and I looked at each other's faces. We were only going to provide taste-testing, but now were thinking how to react. Somehow, isn't the progression fast...?

T/N: Sorry guys, I had no idea how to translate this part so I just did my best.. I mean, it does happen that some words couldn't get any hits in Jisho so.. yeah. Maybe 1% total... But then again, it's Dr. Saraku so... Meh.

End of Chapter 7, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 6   Next - Chapter 8

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations  and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

in love just a little - part 2

Summary: In a battle between head and heart, which will win out? Will you and Steve let down your walls enough to admit to yourselves - and each other - that there might be something between you?

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: angst, self-depreciation, language

A/N: aaand here it is! this is the last part of the fire it ignites, and i just want to thank each and every person who has read, liked and commented on this story. i see and appreciate every one of you!

if the inspiration strikes, i may revisit this story with a bonus chapter or two, but for now there are a few other projects i’d like to work on.

i really hope this was worth the wait, enjoy! :)

Read on AO3 || Masterlist || Series Masterlist

As promised, you met Steve in the gym just before 10am the next day, after - finally - a few hours of sleep. Steve was already in there when you arrived, throwing punches at a punching bag. It was one of the extra-strong ones that Tony had designed for Steve after one too many messes when he had hit them with just a little too much force. 

His back was to the door and, as you entered, you took a moment to enjoy the sight before you; the light sheen of sweat that had formed across his skin, the way his muscles shifted beneath the too-tight t-shirt as he moved. 

The sound of the door closing behind you brought you out of your thoughts, as well as alerting Steve to your presence. You greeted each other with "good morning"s and tight-lipped smiles, Steve unwrapping his hands while you set your bag at the side of the room, reaching to tie your hair back.

Steve couldn't help but get lost in your movements a little. His gaze trailed down from your neck to your back, following the smooth curve of your hips and strong legs. He knew well enough that, despite the softness to your form, you had the strength and stamina to do some damage to any enemies that came your way. He wondered what it would be like to feel that strength for himself, the movement of your muscles under his palms…

He quickly averted his gaze back to his hands when you lowered your arms, already feeling the blush creeping up his neck at even the thought of being caught staring at you. 

You began with some stretches, then completed several rounds of cardio and strength exercises. By the time you were both warming down, the atmosphere around you was much more comfortable, and you even began to joke with each other as you left. The surge of relief you both felt when you parted ways with warm smiles and "see you later"s was almost palpable. Perhaps things would actually be okay between you.

---

You and Steve soon fell into another easy routine. Almost every day - barring those days where Steve was called away on a mission, or either you or Steve insisted you needed a rest day - you would get up way earlier than you had once deemed acceptable and made your way to the gym. Sometimes, Steve would already be there, either going for a few rounds on a punching bag or doing some cardio - depending on the weather and whether he had managed to go for his morning run. Other times, you got there first and did some warm-up exercises until Steve showed up. 

You'd get in a decent mix of cardio (to rebuild your stamina), weights (to restore your strength), and hand-to-hand combat techniques, with Steve overseeing every aspect. As much as you would grumble about the early starts and the fact that Steve never failed to put you through your paces, you soon started to see some visible improvement. You could run faster and for longer, and you were able to hold your own against Steve a hell of a lot more effectively than when you restarted training. You could feel that you were more fluid and nimble with your movements, and Steve wasn't shy about expressing how impressed he was with your progress. You couldn't help but wonder if he was somehow trying to make up for his past animosity towards you. The idea was nice and sent a fresh wave of butterflies through your stomach every time it crossed your mind, but you really wished he wasn't so hard on himself. You had forgiven him for his past misgivings and had no ill-feeling towards him at all.

Except, right now as he insists the move he's trying to re-teach you "really isn't that hard, Y/N." You knew he was trying to be patient with you, but it was starting to frustrate him a little, too. The two of you had been working on this combat move for a few hours now, and you just couldn't get the hang of it, no matter how hard you tried. 

Steve took a moment to calm you both down and walked through the move one more time. You paid close attention, desperately trying to ignore the way his biceps flexed when he moved and allowed the steely determination to wash over you as you started towards him. 

You ran through each part of the process in your mind as you did so, replaying Steve's gentle but commanding voice in your head. It started out great, just as you had wanted, and allowed a tiny sliver of victory to worm its way into your mind. But, as you went into the last manoeuvre, you lost your balance and fell, landing on you back on the mat with a grunt of an exhale. 

Your hands quickly came up to rest against your face, hiding the frustrated tears that were threatening to fall. 

Steve's concerned voice only made it worse, really. "Hey. You okay?" He came to crouch next to you, and you hated how patient he was being. He brushed his fingertips against the back of one of your hands, and you moved them from your face, allowing them to drop limply at your sides as you let out a breath. 

You sat up quickly with a huff, angry tears dangerously close to falling, and swiftly made your way to one of the benches against the wall of the training room. Sitting heavily down, you muttered a curse and leaned forwards to rest your elbows on your knees, trying to calm yourself down.

Sensing your distress, Steve approached you and squatted in front of your knees so that he was level with your face.

"I know it's hard right now, but I promise it will be easier. You've already made so much progr-"

"When, Steve?" You sat up quickly, hair mussed from running your hands through it and met his eyes, frustration seeping out of your every pore. "I can't get this move right, you said yourself that it's not that hard, but I just can't get it!" You had taken to gesticulating widely with your hands, the volume of your voice rising with every word. You sighed and slouched back down again, eyes, trained on the ground between your feet. "I'll never get back to where I was before."

Steve shook his head and shifted closer to you, one hand resting on your knee, the weight of it there a surprisingly great comfort in itself. "You will. I promise, you will." His voice was firm but gentle, and your tied brain had no choice but to believe him and hang onto his every word. Especially when you saw the conviction in his eyes. "Most people might not, but you're not most people. You're so strong, Y/N, and so unbelievably stubborn that I have no doubt you won't stop working until you're even better than before." It felt as if he was staring directly into your soul, his words and tone so sincere that they touched something deep within you, and you felt your frustration being replaced with a surge of a different emotion. Softer, but no less all-consuming. "The team believes in you. I believe in you. All there's left to do is for you to believe in yourself."

Neither of you had noticed that Steve had been gradually moving closer to you, your faces now just inches apart, both of his hands resting on the sides of your knees. He seemed to notice your closeness at the same time you did, and his eyes darted across your face, focusing on your lips for just a second before trailing back up to your eyes. Being this close again, you could see the hints of green in his irises; the almost imperceptible smattering of freckles across his cheekbones, brought out somewhat inexplicably by the recent summer sun; the frankly unfair length of his eyelashes. 

Your lips parted in a barely audible gasp, and you searched his face for any doubt, any sign that this wasn't something he wanted, that you had misread the signs. That he didn't want what you wanted, what you had imagined for countless days.

Slowly, almost painfully so, your faces drew closer, breath mingling, though neither wanting to be the one to take the first step. Maybe it was fear holding the both of you back, and maybe it was stubbornness. 

But all of that faded away when your lips finally met, soft and gentle, and the only thing that you cared about was him. This. 

It was like you were breathing for the first time, like you had been deprived for so many years and had just now gotten your first taste of life. 

Yours and Steve's lips slowly parted, only for the two of you to dive right back in, with a renewed confidence and intensity. 

You allowed yourself to get lost in him, your hands sliding up his chest, one resting at the back of his neck, the other laying flush against his chest, Steve's hammering heartbeat pulsating through your fingers. The idea that you could have this kind of effect on him only made you want to be closer to him, to feel him pressed against you.

It seemed that Steve wanted the same thing, because he slid his hands along the outside of your thighs and across your hips until they reached your waist, pulling you closer together and allowing you to become even more consumed by the other. 

When you finally broke away, breathless, your faces stayed close, foreheads resting against each other, eyes closed, lips almost touching. Neither of you made any motion to move away, perfectly content to stay in your perfect little bubble as long as possible.

The two of you stayed like that - for minutes, maybe only seconds, you couldn't be sure - just breathing each other in, until the sound of laughter outside the gym caused you to jump apart. You felt that familiar shame wash over you, having allowed yourself to get caught up in the moment, again, and screw up your relationship with Steve, again, just as things were going well. 

You tried to swallow around the lump in your throat as you stood quickly and rushed to pack up your things, strategically avoiding eye contact with Steve. 

He tried to get your attention, calling your name softly, even trying to reach out for you as you passed him on your way to the door. You thought you could slip past him but, of course, he managed to grab hold of your wrist firmly, but not enough to hurt. You still refused to meet his eyes. You weren't sure you could handle the rejection you were bound to see in them. You tried to tug your wrist from his grasp, but he wouldn't relent.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" 

Nothing. Everything.

You just shook your head, gaze trained on the floor. "I'm sorry, Steve." Your voice was quiet, tense, and Steve was taken aback by it - so much so that, when you pulled your arm again, he let you go, frozen in place as he watched your retreating form slip through the door. 

Seconds later, a group of agents entered the gym, their lively chatter cutting through the tenseness of the room. Several nodded across the room with a "hey, cap" before returning to their conversations, and Steve couldn't find it in him to offer more than a forced greeting in return before he collected his things and dejectedly made his way back to his room. 

---

Not even an hour later, Steve found himself in the empty kitchen, silently moving around to make some lunch. His mind kept replaying what had happened between you in the gym - the softness of your lips, the feel of your fingertips pushing through his hair - and he tried desperately to work out what went wrong.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear Natasha entering the room, only becoming aware of her presence when she gripped his forearm and shoved him against the wall closest to him. The movement startled him, to say the least, and part of his brain wondered how the hell she had managed to do that so easily. But a more significant part of his mind was focused on the anger on Natasha's face. It caused a particular brand of fear - the fear that only comes about when at the mercy of an angry woman - to spread through him, and he felt his eyes widening and his body stiffening.

"You want to tell me what the hell is going on, Rogers?" She spoke quietly, voice oozing with barely-restrained fury, and Steve no longer felt like he had the body of a supersoldier. Under her gaze, he felt like a scrawny kid all over again, mere seconds away from getting his ass beat. 

She didn't even give him a chance to formulate a response before she continued, "something’s made Y/N upset. She won't tell me what happened, but I know the two of you trained this morning, and she was fine before then, so tell me, what happened?"

Steve knew that he wouldn't get out of there until he gave Natasha what she wanted, so after a cursory glance around the room to make sure they were still alone, he sighed and said softly, "we kissed."

Natasha, for all her stoicism and intimidation, actually looked taken aback for a second. Her face softened, and she took a step back, releasing Steve from her hold. "You kissed?"

Steve relaxed a little at her now softened voice and nodded. He could see the question forming in her eyes. "I don't know what happened, Nat. We kissed, and I thought it was great, but then some agents came in and she bolted."

She nodded once and turned her head to the side in thought. "You need to talk to her. She's obviously confused, you both need to talk and get everything straight. Neither of you will get any rest until you do. You gotta fix it, Steve."

With that, she turned on her heel and was gone as quickly as she had arrived.

---

Steve's first text came a little over an hour after your training session. You refused to look at it, at first, unable to bring yourself to extract yourself from your duvet cocoon. But, when a second chime sounded a few minutes later, curiosity got the better of you and you unlocked your phone with a huff.

Steve: Are you okay?

Steve: Please, Y/N, talk to me

You stared at the screen for several minutes, your mind warring with itself over what to do. When tears started welling in your eyes again, you locked your phone and set it back on the bedside table, before rolling over and burying your head back into your pillows. 

You really wished you knew what to do about all this. It had become glaringly obvious that you had feelings for Steve, but there was no way you would ever admit that to him. After everything that had happened between you, the chances of him reciprocating those feelings were depressingly slim, even if he didn't hate you any more. 

Then again... he had kissed you... or had you kissed him? Surely if he didn't want it to happen, he would have stopped you. Although he could have just gone along with it to spare your feelings - Steve's sweet like that, always thinking of others before him.

But, if he only kissed you back to placate you, then why had he seemed so into it? Unless you had imagined the subtle drag of his tongue against your lips and the way he had pulled you against his solid body...

Dammit, now's not the time.

Regardless of his feelings towards you, though, what were you supposed to do now? You weren't sure you would be able to face him now without breaking down. Not after having a taste of what could be, if only... 

But, somehow, the thought of avoiding him again was even more heart-breaking. It was funny how quickly and efficiently someone could find their way into your heart without you even knowing, turning themselves into an integral part of your life. The idea of that had always scared you, and now you were realising just how much. 

You spent another hour inside your head, going round and round the same arguments. Though somehow, you always found your way back to the cold hard truth that Steve would never have feelings for someone like you. 

Your phone chimed again just as you were about to restart your argument with yourself.

Steve: What happened, Y/N? Please, help me understand

Your stomach twisted with guilt. Steve didn't deserve to be kept in the dark like this. At the very least, you owed him an explanation.

You: Not like this. Not over text.

His reply was almost instant, and your guilt grew at the idea that he had been waiting for your reply. 

Steve: I understand. 

Steve: Will you meet me by the lake at 4 this afternoon? There's a deck on the far side of the water. It's quiet there. We can talk

You debated asking to stay at the compound but quickly realised that everyone there seemed to enjoy walking in on you and Steve's moments together. Perhaps it would be best to go somewhere else.

You: Okay. I'll be there.

Now all that was left to do was to prepare yourself for the emotional upheaval that was bound to be right around the corner.

---

The low evening sun streaming through the trees made for a pretty scene as you made your way through the woods that surrounded the lake. You took a moment to appreciate it, knowing full well that the coming conversation would be anything but calm. 

The winding path you took eventually opened out into a small clearing next to the lake. On the opposite side of the clearing, there was a small dock, and you could see Steve already sat on the edge of it, looking pensively across the water.

He didn’t react when you sat next to him and, if it weren’t for his advanced hearing, you might have thought that he didn’t hear your approach. You sat in silence for a few minutes, both just enjoying the peace of the still water and the slowly setting sun. 

“I’m sorry.” You hadn’t planned on being the one to break the silence, to take the leap into conversation. But there it was. Apparently, Steve hadn’t planned on it either, if the way he suddenly turned to look at you was any indication. You kept your eyes trained on your hands that had settled into your lap, but could feel the weight of his gaze on your face. 

“What are you sorry for?” The confusion in his voice was evident, the gentle softness of it causing emotion to swell in your chest and throat.

You swallowed around the lump in your throat and screwed your eyes shut, heaving a sigh. “For putting you in this position. I know we were becoming friends - or I think that we were, anyway… and I’ve let my feelings get the better of me and screwed all that up.” Steve called your name softly, and you felt the faintest brush of his fingertips against your hand, but you just shook your head, refusing to even look in his direction. “Please, Steve, don’t make this harder.” He moved his hand back reluctantly, and it took everything in you not to reach out and nestle your fingers between his. 

Taking a deep breath, you lifted your gaze across the lake and continued, “You were too nice to turn me down earlier, and that night in the common room… But I need you to know that you don’t have to. It’s okay, I...” You chance the briefest of looks in Steve’s direction, and the deep frown lines on his forehead spur you on. “It’s okay that you don’t want me like that. Besides, we’re from different worlds. You deserve to be with someone like you; selfless, brave. Someone without a chequered past.”

Several minutes passed in silence between you, and you could almost hear Steve thinking next to you. Just as you were about to leave, Steve finally broke the silence.

“What makes you think that I don’t want you like that?” His expression was almost pained when you looked at him, his voice sounding strangely dejected. 

You huffed an incredulous chuckle, shooting him a disbelieving look. Quashing the speck of hope that threatened to break through, you replied, “isn’t it obvious?” Steve stared at you blankly, and you shook your head gently, turning back to look over the lake. “Besides the fact that you hated me for a good few months after we met? You could never be with someone like me.”

“Someone like you?”

“A criminal. And an impulsive one at that. You belong with someone like you… someone unselfish and warm; a hero. I can never be that, for you or anyone.”

Steve bristled a little at that, and his movement caught your eye and pulled your gaze towards him. “But you are a hero.” You scoffed derisively and barely managed to suppress your eye roll. “I’m serious. You put yourself in front of a bullet to save my life. Admittedly, it probably did more damage to you than it would have to me, but you didn’t even think twice about putting your life on the line to save mine, even though I wasn’t completely deserving. There is nothing more heroic than that.”

The sincerity in his eyes was almost overwhelming, and you found yourself - not for the first time - being completely drawn in by the pools of liquid blue that had no trouble captivating you. 

Neither of you had noticed that, during Steve’s little speech, you had once again migrated towards each other, finding yourselves in a position similar to the one you were in that morning. But, this time, you were both determined not to let it end the same way.

“But I was impulsive. I just confirmed that you were right about me.”

Steve shuffled closer to you on the dock, taking your hand firmly in his. “No. You showed me, then, just how wrong I was. Only someone truly selfless would step in like that, especially to save someone who had been so awful to them.”

“You were worth it.” The words were out of your mouth before you could stop them, your voice barely a whisper, but the slight hitch in Steve’s throat told you he had heard you just fine. 

Glancing down at his hand still holding yours, you bit your lip a little, a shy, sad smile forming on your face. “I never meant to appear arrogant, you know?” The smile he gave you was soft, though his eyebrows were bunched in their tell-tale look of concern. “All my life, I’ve had to put on this mask, this facade, of a confident and blase woman, just so I’d be taken seriously. Not many people would have faith in my abilities if I let them see me as soft.” You both chuckled softly, and you squeezed Steve’s hand gently as you spoke, “I guess I was just waiting for someone to look past the act and see… me.”

The world seemed to slow as Steve lifted his free hand to move a stray piece of hair away from your face. “I see you, Y/N,” he whispered, before threading his fingers through your hair and bringing your face to his, your lips meeting in a slow, lingering kiss that ignited a fire in your heart. 

When you separated, you stayed close, foreheads pressed together. After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Steve pulled back just enough to look at your face. “Would you go on a date with me?”

You wouldn’t be able to keep the smile off of your face if you tried. Nodding, you pulled Steve in for another kiss, but your twin grins meant that it ended up being a mess of teeth that made you both burst into giggles. 

Neither of you knew for sure how much time you spent together out by the lake, talking and kissing and laughing, but when you stood to leave, hand-in-hand, the sky was a deep blue, and the moon shone brightly in the cloudless expanse. 

As you made your way back to the compound together, fingers interlaced, Steve listened to you talk animatedly about something and, watching the way your face lit up like a thousand suns, he realised: perhaps he didn’t hate you so much, after all. 

the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]

The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshop’s most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theo’s pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stay—and how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!

[ masterpost for all chapters ]

CHAPTER 5 OF 22

It’s not on purpose.

Theo isn’t intentionally testing her determination or anything of that sort. He just can’t wrap his head around her persistence.

He doesn’t purposefully make himself hard to contact to shrug her off. It’s just that he’s not as fond of social media as the next person. Sure, he does have accounts for the biggest names in the industry—Instagram, Facebook, the works—but he doesn’t use them regularly, or posts on them at all. The easiest and more surefire way to contact him, really, is through the usual, plain old messaging app on the phone, or maybe through a call.

(And he’s not so sure about giving her his number so suddenly.)

He doesn’t give the most roundabout answers to Arthur’s questions to keep her hanging. He just doesn’t want Arthur sticking his nose in business that isn’t his to begin with. He doesn’t find any reason to tell his coworker anything about their book exchange, even if—after Arthur’s admission—this entire friendship began with his orchestration.

He’s not doing it on purpose.

He knows how easily this could lead to understandable frustration. Maybe even the vague feeling that maybe he’s only attending their little book exchange sessions at the Grove because she gets Vincent to tell him. Maybe she won’t have the patience for him. Maybe she’ll just drop it.

But she doesn’t.

And that makes it even more confusing.

“Why are you taking this so seriously?” Theo asks one day, after they’ve handed the next week’s books to one another. He’s looking at her with a stern gaze, as if calculating every minuscule twitch on her face.

She only shrugs her shoulders and looks up at him innocently. “I’m having fun, aren’t you?”

As if the extra steps he’s making her take are not wasted time. As if she sees that she’s already slowly melting ice. It’s not that Theo is shunning her—but it’s safer like this, keeping her at a distance. Theo has his own priorities, and all arrows point to Vincent. The least he can do is make sure the books he lends are good; make sure he has the appropriate insight to bring with him. And she, in turn, sends every pass-the-message text (to Arthur, to Vincent), leaves all the notes in between lent and borrowed books, shows up to every meeting with that unbeatable smile on her face.

And in truth, Theo isn’t sure where this is going. Theo isn’t sure what she’s going to do to him, why they’re doing all this. But for now, he’ll just let her keep on doing this. For now.

They just both have a good feeling about it.

--

There is a certain art of choosing books to recommend to people. There is, of course, the matter of having a certain level of being well-read, as choosing from a hundred books allows more elbow room than choosing from ten.

But she knows better; there is more to it than just that.

If there’s one thing she is absolutely sure about the world, it’s that books—fiction, nonfiction, poetry, name it—all have the ability to bring people elsewhere. It’s magic she wishes she could have in real life. Sneak in between the pages and find yourself transported to an entirely separate timeline of the universe where these things happened. Slip a hand at the center-point and find yourself in a different world, where things are different.

Wouldn’t that be amazing?

But it’s not just about the bringing into, but also the bringing with—what do the books carry with them that will be useful to the reader? Which of its commendable qualities will match the receiver? Is it its storytelling, the way it weaves each character through their growth and journey? Is it the message, the core of it which it carries throughout the text through every plot point that happens? Is it the imagery, the space between the real and the imagined, where the infinite possibilities exist?

This is the tender part. This is the part that feels the most raw.

Romance has never been at the top of her priority list. She’s no newbie to it, but it’s just never been the most important thing in her life. It’s never been on the list at all. Getting into a relationship, the dating scene, being romantically attached to people—she understands the joy of it, she’s definitely dipped her toes into the water, but it isn’t what she wants right now.

She figures choosing books for people is the closest she can get to that feeling for now.

It’s not only Theo, of course—sometimes Arthur asks her for some recommendations too, and sometimes Dazai does, as well. To her it’s nothing more than a way of showing her affection, a little, “I had you in my thoughts,” as she matches a book to its recipient. It becomes more than just another title, not just another author.

She clutches the book Theo’s lent her for the week close to her chest as she crouches in front of her bookshelf to browse her own collection. She thinks, matching their theme to her heart: which book would best suit Theo’s needs? Which things might he benefit from hearing?

Pulls a book out from the shelf and wonders—which one would grace his life with a little bit of stardust?

--

That week, Theo asked her to “lend me the book you wish everyone would read at least once”—and when she answered with “no, that’s impossible, I can’t lend you 39 books at once?”—he clarified, “the one you’re still coming to terms with.” And that’s a really odd way to describe a book you’d want everyone else to read—Theo himself knew that—but somehow it made perfect sense to her, and the week later she hands him the small bound book.

She had passed onto him Neruda’s Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair.

An interesting choice, really, for that book to have fit under the said category, but Theo’s stopped trying to make sense of the surprises she brings up for him at this point. The book isn’t really lengthy—this particular volume is less than a hundred pages long, and it only took Theo a good hour to go through the contents, even while relishing every word of it. (She does the opposite, speed-running every book as fast as possible, because she “can’t be patient about what happens next”, a concept he cannot understand—“The book is not leaving, why don’t you enjoy what is written?” “I can’t wait! I need to know!”)

It’s not a complicated book.

But it sure has complicated feelings.

So he kind of understands why she had chosen that one.

Theo has a complicated relationship with love. Not that he’s had any sort of traumatizing past relationship or a lingering resentment for an ex, but there was just something about the concept of romance that doesn’t sit…right with him.

It’s not that he doesn’t know what it is, he does. There are books he loves—books he is very thankful for having found in this lifetime. There are food he loves, food that fills his stomach with warmth and makes his heart flutter and makes him feel like maybe world peace is achievable, and it’s in a spoonful of this creamy sugary pancake after all. And most importantly, he loves his brother very much; would like to see Vincent do great things in the future, or, if not that, then at least be happy, and live the life he wants to live—that’s what love is, isn’t it? To enjoy something wholly for what it is, and what it does to you. To want the best for a person.

His problem with love is he doesn’t know what to do with it.

In the same way that he still loves his parents even if they don’t understand why he’d go through such lengths for Vincent. In the same way that he still loves the people who’ve left him behind in the past, friends, old lovers, even when his heart was still pouring. And isn’t that what love is? To love something wholly for what it is, what it does to you, to forgive it of its mistakes and shortcomings?

Even when the cost is yours to bear?

What to do with a love that can live in his heart when the other no longer wants it?

Theo reads Neruda’s poetry book once. And then reads it again. And then reads some of his other books for good measure.

--

It’s pretty common to find Arthur walking around the campus with his hands in his pockets and the many eyes of adoring (or maybe loathing) girls on him—for all the understandable reasons. Today was a little different though, because he is outside the Arts Building in the late afternoon, reading some sort of a flyer.

“Arthur!”

He hastily keeps the flyer into his bag as she jogs up to him. “Hello, little miss. Nice to see you around.”

“What’re you doing here?” she asks, trying to peep into his bag.

Arthur, instead, pushes himself off the wall that he’d been leaning on, smoothly slipping his arm around hers. Months of friendship had gotten her used to him being touchy; she lets him. “Labor of love. Walk me back to the bookshop?”

She’s not surprised, but she asks anyway. “Are you on your shift?”

“It was an important errand to run, no need to be so incensed,” he says, half-laughing. “Let’s go back before your boyfriend has more than words for me.”

Pinching Arthur’s arm, she quips back: “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Why, that’s exactly what he told me! You know you don’t need to keep it a secret from me.”

“You’re the absolute worst, Arthur.” The two of them fall into an even pace walking down the sidewalk. She relies on the silence to get them there, but there is something about the biting intrigue that snags her. “…What did Theo say?”

Arthur smirks. Openly. “Curious suddenly?”

“He doesn’t exactly talk to me about things like this,” she huffs. “It’s just books and literature with him.”

“That just means you haven’t cracked him.”

She pouts. “You’re not supposed to need to crack people.” She tugs at Arthur’s sleeve, insistent. “C’mon, tell me. He has to have told you something, right?”

Confidently, Arthur says, “Theo tells me everything.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I suppose my information is subpar, then, so why should I—”

“Arthur!”

“Yes, yes, okay,” he says, finally relenting. “He won’t say it to your face, but he really enjoys spending time with you, little bird.”

Her face lights up like a little sun. “Really?”

“Oh, dear. Whatever will he feel, ratting him out like this—”

“Please, we all know you do not care because we are your source of entertainment,” she says, elbowing him. “…I was doubting it, honestly, but that’s a relief.”

“He never stops talking about your book club, actually.”

“No way.”

“Always masked in a complaint, but always about it all the time,” Arthur says, watching the smile grow on her face. “You’re a good influence on him, at least he’s not brooding away in a corner all day long. The customers have enjoyed his new, refreshed presence. All the lovely girls coming in now, what a joy.”

She squeezes his arm as they round the corner. “Why do I feel like this is going exactly according to your plan?” Arthur does not attempt denial. 

--

Theo does not stop asking for poetry books.

Only because he knows that even if she doesn’t voice it out loud, she’d want to lend him poetry books anyway. She, on the other hand, changes genres every week. Poetry, nonfiction, YA fiction, children’s fiction. She jumps from Ariel to A Little Life to The Girl Who drank the Moon to On Earth we Were Briefly Gorgeous. She has so much to say and so much to ask.

It’s just about driven Theo insane.

(It’s a good thing he enjoys her company.)

He won’t admit it, of course, but he shows up anyway. He frowns at every text she sends Vincent but he’s there. Every single Saturday. Reads every stray fast-food receipt note she slips in between the pages of the books she returns. Spends time on the books she lends him.

Ah, what did he get himself into?

Whatever.

Today, he’s brought with him Kerouac’s On the Road because she asked for a book that made him want to go away.

“Why am I not surprised that you brought me a Kerouac?” she asks while taking the book into her hands. She always holds them so gently. “His style is so interesting, though. Is it a shame to admit I’ve only read his poetry?”

“Only a little,” Theo says, but he’s joking because the corner of his lip is curled up ever so gently.

She flips the book to read the summary at the back. “Beat Generation, huh.”

“They wrote about liberation,” Theo says, sounding somehow defensive of his choice of a book. “Gritty and maybe even sloppy writing, but they wrote about freedom. Breaking the norm, finding yourself, facing the reality… doesn’t that fit your criteria of making one want to go away?”

She turns to him curiously. “Have you ever wanted to go away, Theo?”

He doesn’t turn to her. “I’m more the kind of person that stays.”

“Well, being a househusband isn’t bad work,” she comments, to which Theo snorts. “You know, I’ve really found that you have some sort of… classical, helpless romantic kind of aura on you.”

That makes him turn towards her. “What.”

“I mean, the books you’ve lent me—they all have some sort of romantic quality to them, you know? No matter how serious they get. I’m still recovering from A Little Life, you know.” She laughs. “Plus, all you’ve been asking me to lend you is poetry. Have you perhaps changed your mind about poetry?”

He narrows his eyes. “I don’t see how that makes me a romantic.” He sighs. “I didn’t think lowly of poetry, it just wasn’t my priority,” Theo clarifies. “We agreed to let the borrower decide the genre of the book but you’re so insistent on poetry that I’d rather take what you have instead of asking for something else. You’re pretty annoying when you’re insistent.”

She doesn’t deny the fact that she’s always saying about how she already has a poetry book to lend him every week. “I’m not annoying,” she says, pouting. “Geez, Theo, all you need to do is be honest and say you love poetry now and it’s because of me.”

“Is this a cause of yours? Getting people into poetry?”

But then, the banter stops. She falls silent for a moment that feels too long. Theo feels like he has to take back what he says, when, “Yes, something like that,” she says, softly. “They’re like love letters to the universe, I think they’re great.”

“That’s an interesting take.”

She frowns. “Do you not like love letters?”

Theo shrugs. “They’re classical.”

“That’s a non-answer,” she huffs. Holding her palm upward to the sky in a gesture, she says, “I just think they’re neat. It’s like a different experience in every book, every collection. You ever get a feeling that some poems find you, instead of the other way around? Like you were meant to find it at that exact moment?” Theo lightly shakes his head. “Really? Maybe you’ll experience it with some of the stuff I give you.”

He doesn’t know what’s hiding behind that serious expression, that other reason she’s so attached to poetry that she isn’t quite ready to say yet. He can feel it though. He doesn’t have the right to ask yet.

Instead, he raises his eyebrow and says, “You seem awfully confident.”

“I’m planning to make you read hundreds and hundreds of them, so it’s just a matter of numbers,” she says with a grin. “C’mon. Have any of the books I’ve given to you at least had a poem that resonated with you?”

And Theo pauses. Resonated, that’s a heavy word, it carries a lot with it. One could wish what they create would resonate with a lot of its consumers, whether that’s paintings or poetry or philosophies, but it’s not an exact art, and sometimes it’s all just a question of luck. Theo hesitantly shakes his head. “Not that I can think of,” he says. Thinks of the lines he’d copied out of the books to be remembered later. They were good lines, but hardly ones that resonated.

She hums, not sounding too put down by his answer. “Well, that just means we have to keep looking, right? I hope today’s at least gets some emotion in your face, Mister-Statue-Face-With-No-Feelings.”

“Hondje… What did you just call me?”

--

That day, he gives her his phone number.

--

She doesn’t know why everyone keeps asking her about it.

Sure, she had a crush on him, but it was really only entirely out of aesthetics. There was no denying he was hot, but he’s rather rough on the edges and has a rather sharp personality to be someone would want a boyfriend out of. Really, at this point, all she wants is to hang out with him and maybe reads some of the books he reads. Again—she doesn’t have space for distractions right now.

But everyone keeps asking her about it. Non-stop.

When she goes to the bookshop and Theo is at the back, Arthur comes up to her and asks her how The Friendship is going—as if it were something more special than just your regular old friendship. Most of the time she doesn’t know what to tell him, because somehow all he ever says to her after hearing about it is a small hmm like the answer didn’t quite fill in what he wanted to hear. Well, Arthur, sucks to be you, but you’re not hearing what you want to hear, she says to herself. Arthur’s a secret sucker for romance, the playboy that he is, and she’s not giving him a show.

But it’s not just Arthur. Vincent, too, asks her regularly. And considering she spends a good amount of time in the café he works at, the questions aren’t exactly that avoidable. She’ll order her drink and a pastry and Vincent will go, “is Theo being nice to you?” or any other variation of that sentence. (Somehow that feels like Vincent knows Theo is just mean in general, and that’s a kind of relief she doesn’t know how to explain. If his brother thinks he’s regularly mean, maybe that’s really just who he is, and also kind of forgivable.) Of course, she can’t exactly tell Vincent that Theo isn’t being nice to her, but oppositely, Theo isn’t really being mean to her either. He’s tolerating her every attempt to annoy him—or really, not annoy him, just hang out with him—and he hasn’t pushed her away exactly, so it must be going alright, right?

Of course, Dazai is curious as well, despite his earlier misgivings with Theo. (Dazai’s had bad experiences with business majors and romance in the past.) He’s not as persistent as Vincent and Arthur, but every chance he gets—say, an offhanded remark about a book or the bookshop, any little topic he feels he can reasonably steer towards the direction of Theo—he does ask. He asks in the way a friend would be curious of a new relationship—it is one, just not romantic, she insists—all full of worries for said friend. She appreciates this in many ways, because she knows Dazai can give her advice that will be very valuable to her. Still—the attention the thing pulls is kind of ridiculous, to her.

It doesn’t end with Dazai though, and at this point, it’s just going to be a long laundry list of people who are looking for gossip between her and Theo when—there really isn’t any. Despite being a literature major, she’s actually part of the campus’ local astronomy club, because why not? Stars are neat and she can’t quite catch up with the rest of the astrophysics majors that is actually with her, but the stargazing with the telescopes definitely makes it worth it. It’s just that Dazai is friends with their club head for a reason or another—a graduate student in astrophysics, Isaac Newton, and when Dazai knows there really isn’t any much harm, he runs his mouth, so—Isaac’s asked her at least once about Theo as well. Luckily Isaac is more on the awkward side—and they really aren’t that close quite yet, club aside—so he asks once, sees her reaction of despair and exhaustion, and never asks again.

She wonders if Theo gets the same barrage of questions as she does. From Arthur, for sure, but—Theo doesn’t exactly talk about other friends of his. Maybe they just haven’t gotten close enough for him to bring them up. Besides, whether or not people ask him about them or not, he’s sure that he already knows about the little crush—he’s just playing at it. Playing for what, she doesn’t know, and somehow, she’s fine with that.

That was all it was ever meant to be, anyway—a passing crush, a nice face, a sight for sore eyes, something to fall back on to refresh herself after long days of pushing her mind to the limit, working herself to exhaustion.

He was meant to be a breather, not a distraction.

To be friends is more than enough.

She screams into a pillow and grins.

Hold On (pt. 2/2) | Jasper Hale X Wolf!Reader

Summary: It was too late for her. It was too late for him. Love was a game that they couldn’t beat.

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Jasper Hale x Wolf!Reader

A/N: I wasn’t going to make a second part because I was content with the ending so this is still angsty. Shout out to the anon that requested this though!

READ PART 1 HERE

“Breathe. Breathe! God damnit!”

“Paul stop... she’s gone.”

“I’m going to fucking kill him.” The mumbling started getting louder until it became clearer, like your head had just broken the surface of the water you were under. Though you felt a gentle tug, like the water wanted you to sink back into the numbing darkness.

You tried with all your must to snap your eyes open, to move anything. It felt too difficult, you were trapped in your own body.

“Killing the Cullen won’t do anything. We just.. we have to move forward. It’s what Y/N would have wanted.” You hear Emily say somewhere nearby you could almost feel her hand gripping yours.

“Doesn’t matter. Why should Y/N be the only one to suffer.” You hear Jared say

“ Damn right. That’s our god damn sister. And now she’s gone-” Paul’s voice catches at the end, surprising you a little. You and Paul were close but you had no idea he came to care for you so much.

“Paul. Jared. Where the hell are you guys going?” You hear Embry yell followed by two low howls, paws pounding against the dirt.

Suddenly it seemed that someone turned the volume down, the world you almost got back to fading into nonexistence again.

You could feel yourself slipping further. You weren’t dead yet somehow but you were about to be. Fighting with all your might, you try hard to fight against the force pulling you down.

But that was the last thing you remembered before your senses were dulled and you slipped out of consciousness, the water winning the fight. You sunk further down, meeting death’s scythe at the bottom.

Jasper Whitlock was not okay. Lately something hadn’t felt right in his gut. He was going insane. After the day in the woods, it felt like he should have gone back to you and held you in his arms. But he didn’t.

Alice no longer had that bright aura to her, and he could feel her guilt for causing you pain.

‘Jas. I think we should end things. We obviously love each other, that will never change. But we’re just not made for each other, we don’t love each other like that. I think we both also know that. She’s suffering... Jas.. I can’t see her future anymore.’

He recalled those words that she had spoken to him a few hours prior, and surprisingly he felt like a burden was lifted off his shoulders. Yet his ease was short lived as he tried to think of ways to fix things with you.

You imprinting on him had made him question reality. What was real, what wasn’t. Was his relationship with Alice ever real, or was it just a distraction for the both of them.

The Cullen household was solemn, the pack had been extra hostile and didn’t care to stay after the fight, howling loudly and running off somewhere. Jasper hadn’t seen you at the battle and his stomach lurched in circles.

He hoped everything was okay and that you just decided to skip because you were still hurt by his rejection.

The Cullens immediately ran outside when they smelled wet dog approaching fast in their territory. Soon the wolves they recognized as Paul and Jared broke through the trees. They growled menacingly. Dangerously stepping forward, teeth bared.

“Paul? Jared? What’s wrong? where did you go earlier after the fight?” Edward spoke softly, stepping forward.

After a few moments, the wolves growled and nodded in Japser’s direction. Edward’s face fell, his posture going rigid.

“Edward. What’s wrong?” Carlisle spoke, walking up to his son.

“It’s Y/N. They found her earlier. She’s dead.” Edward said stoically, trying to mask his shock and hurt. Everyone in the family knew how close he was with the girl.

Paul snarled loudly, stepping towards Jasper.

Jasper felt like the world had just fallen on him. He couldn’t seem to release the tight feeling in his chest.

No. This couldn’t be real. Could it?

“How?” Esme asked, stepping forward. She didn’t know the girl well but she was one of the friendlier wolves, getting along well with the Cullens during previous run-ins

“It’s the imprint. They said she got really ill after the day of training. They found her on top of a cliff, unresponsive.” Edward said bitterly, tears collecting on his waterline.

Alice looked down sadly, realizing why she couldn’t see the girl’s future anymore. There wasn’t one.

“Take me. Please. I need to see her.” Jasper heard himself speak, his throat dry and scratchy.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Jasper. The pack is up there now. They will kill you.” Carlisle said gently stepping towards his son.

“Let them. I just need to see her one last time.” He swallowed hard, a single tear fleeing from his waterline and down his pale cheek, “please.” He gently pleaded with the wolves.

After a few moments the wolves seemed to make noises of agreement and Edward subconciously nodded.

“Okay..” Edward said firmly before racing off, Jasper hot on his heels. With the wolves’ help they found themselves atop a cliff.

Jared and Paul trotting up first, seemingly communicating with Sam who was snapping his jaws at the vampires angrily.

Once the alpha begrudgingly agreed, the pack moved away and Jasper could faint at the sight of your limp body, laying stone still. Even in death he couldn’t deny that you looked absolutely beautiful. He was clearly wrong for what he had done to you. He couldn’t deny the earth wracking beauty and gentle aura you emitted when he first met you. He was a coward, believing that him and Alice were really in love, even after your confrontation.

He hurried forward, collapsing over you. Edward behind him. He couldn’t get a grip on reality, gripping your cold hands in his. Your limp hands seemed to be the only thing anchoring his sanity at the moment. 

“Please darling. You have to wake up. Please... I’m so sorry. Just open your eyes, we don’t have to be together, I just need you to be alive. Please don’t leave me. I didn’t understand it then, but I’m growing to love you Y/N. Don’t slip away. We can be together, forever, I promise just please.. Come back to me.” He blubbered incoherently, tears streaming down his face and falling onto your cold cheeks. He was bordering on hysterically crying and having a mental breakdown.

Everyone held their breaths, looking at the girl’s body, expecting a sudden heartbeat or for you to sit up alive and well.

But nothing happened, they didn’t know what they expected anyway. This wasn’t some fairytale. His pleas meant nothing, life wasn’t always fair.

Your eyes remained sealed as your heart remained at a still.

The pack whimpered bowing their heads in respect for their fallen member. The Cullens had arrived and were watching sadly from afar.

Nobody could forget the heart twisting cry Jasper let out that evening, gripping you to his chest. He hated nothing more at that moment than the feeling of your cold, dead skin pressing up against his. He just needed your warmth. But it was too late.

Jasper let himself believe he was in love two times in his long life. Both times left him unimaginably broken but worst of all it always hurt the people around him more.

Life wasn’t fair. 

Y/N L/N imprinting on Jasper Whitlock wasn’t fair. 

But fate was a cruel bitch and life was no fairytale.

this is a niche au written specifically for @calumsclifford because she put the idea in my head.  I probably won’t continue it but there’s Potential in this universe so please enjoy the very beginnings of a Raven Cycle au

Luke Hemmings has forgotten how many times he has been told that he will kill his true love.

He grew up with predictions swirling around his household before he could talk.  Most of them are significantly less specific: You will have the opportunity to earn a sum of money, be ready for it.  Something catastrophic will happen tomorrow, possibly to do with the number six.  You have a difficult decision that will not make itself.  Go with your gut.

Liz Hemmings and the other ladies of 300 Fox Way begin each reading with the assurance that “these predictions will be accurate, but not very specific.”  It’s easier that way.  Clients can then believe however much they chose to.  Was the neighbor offering to pay extra to buy their lawnmower a coincidence, or what the psychic foretold?  Was the minivan carrying six passengers that ran into their car bad luck or a fulfilled prophecy?  In this way, it becomes a bit of a game for clients to figure out how exactly each prediction will come true.  Their little house remains a roadside attraction without garnering an inconvenient amount of attention.

Predictions about Luke were never anything but precisely accurate.  His mother knew that he would sprain his wrist on the first day of school.  He could never lie about his grades, because Jimi or Persephone would tell his mom about the content of his report card before he got home.  Calla always predicts what song he’s going to play when he pulls out the guitar even if she’s never heard it before.  Everyone in that house knew he was gay before he ever thought to come out.

The Fox Way psychics do not have a habit of being wrong, whether they’re predicting Liz’s tax returns within ten dollars or humming a song a minute before it plays on the radio.

Luke has had his palm inspected, his tea leaves pondered over, and his tarot cards read an infinite amount of times by every psychic woman to pass through their doors.  Each one of them says the same thing:

If Luke were to ever kiss his true love, his true love would die.

He hates this prediction, because despite it’s accuracy, there’s still so much he doesn’t know.  Does it have to be a kiss on the lips, or would kissing his true love’s forehead do him in?  How long after the kiss would he die?  What type of death would it be?

The thought of him having a true love, someone who is made for him and perfectly compatible like a fairy tale, fills him with warmth.  The thought of being the cause of his death has resulted in various late nights spent crying in the quiet of his tiny room, trying not to be heard by one of the various women he lives with.

By the time Luke turns sixteen, he decides that he’s not going to fall in love in order to avoid the ordeal altogether.  Around the same time, his mother starts having intense whispered conversations with her two best friends, Persephone and Calla.  The conversations always drift off or quickly change when he enters the room, and eventually he asks Persephone about them.

Persephone is the most likely to tell him, because her predictions often leave her mouth without permission and he knows that she doesn’t like secrets in the house.

“Luke Robert Hemmings,” she says, cupping his face with her palms, frizzy blonde hair looking like a halo in the sunset light, “this is the year you will fall in love.”

-/-

It’s cold in the churchyard.

Every year, the 24th of April feels colder than it should to a small town like Henrietta, Virginia.  No one notices, because no one outside of 300 Fox Way thinks of St. Mark’s Eve as a significant day year after year.  There are no decorations to put up, and no gifts to exchange or parties to throw.  No one gets St. Mark’s day off of school, or marks it on the calendar.

No one except the psychics, that is.

Year after year, Luke and his mom drive to the abandoned, crumbling, nameless church positioned on the corpse road.  Year after year, Liz looks at the spirits of those who will die within the year and asks them their names.  Year after year, Luke writes them down for her and tries in vain to catch a glimpse of what she sees.

He never sees any spirits.  He sometimes sees mist, but only if it rained recently, and he always sees the caved-in roof and moss-covered stones that used to make the frame of the church.  He never hears anything, either.  Even crickets and other nighttime creatures tend to stay quiet on St. Mark’s Eve.

Luke spends the time waiting for the future-dead gazing at the stars, clearly visible this far out of town, and fiddling with his lip ring.  They’ve already been there for what feels like hours, but they always come well before midnight and more often than not stay late.  The dead have no need for punctuality.

At least he remembered his beanie this time.  His mom tried to get him to put on gloves, but Luke hates writing while wearing them, and that’s half the reason he’s here.

“Tonight is the night,” Liz says, voice soft and airy like it sometimes gets when she’s making a prediction.  Luke glances at her, ready to start writing names, but she falls silent, looking at the outline of a gate positioned in the wall steadily but without the urgency that accompanies the spirits.  Every year, they open that gate in order to let the dead walk their path to the church.

The cold settles a bit deeper into Luke’s bones.  He’s come with his mother on St. Mark’s Eve since he was too young to properly write, but it does feel different this time.  He’s not sure why, but there’s a heaviness in the air, an anticipation that he hasn’t felt since he was six years old and being brought to this abandoned church for the first time because Liz said she focuses better with him there.  At six years old, he hadn’t always realized exactly what that meant.

While Luke can’t see spirits or predict the future, every psychic in the house says that they can do that better when he’s there, sometimes going so far as to call him in during difficult readings to give them direction.

“You’re like a lighthouse,” Persephone once said.  “You show us where to go.”

“It’s like turning up the volume when you’re in the room,” Calla added.  “We all hear better with you there.”

“It’s something to be proud of,” Liz always tells him.  “It’s extremely rare to be able to enhance a psychic’s gifts.”

Luke has spent a lot of time sulking over being the only person in the house who isn’t privy to the supernatural, on top of being the only boy.  He’s had sixteen years to come to terms with it, but sometimes it still stings.  It stings less when the women thank him for his help with something important and tangible.

During the day of the year when both time and the spirit world collide with their own, Liz always has Luke with her to pull everything into focus.

“Aglionby boys haven’t been giving you any trouble, have they?” Liz suddenly asks, startling him enough that he drops his pencil and has to root around in the freezing grass for it before hopping back onto his spot on the wall.

“No,” he says, frowning at the mention of the private school full of politicians' sons and trust fund babies located just outside of town.  His mom has drilled into his head that they’re more trouble than they’re worth, and should be avoided like the plague.  Every interaction that he’s had has supported that advice.  “Not more than usual, anyway.  They’ve started getting their convertibles out with the warmer weather, but I only ever see them at work when they haggle for more iced tea.  Why?  Are they going to be giving me trouble?”

Liz hums, then stiffens suddenly.

“They’re coming.”

Luke straightens and keeps his pencil poised.  He follows his mom’s gaze, but just like in previous years all that greets him is the darkness of midnight in the country.  He knows by the way her eyes are fixed now that that isn’t all that Liz sees, though.  The spirits of those who will die in the next twelve months are making their march on the corpse road to the church, and they are there to ask their names.

Every year, the believing citizens of Henrietta ask if they or a loved one will die within the next year.  Every year, for a small fee, Liz will tell them who is on their list.

“Who are you? Robert Neuhmann,” Liz begins, and Luke hastens to write down the names phonetically and as quickly as possible.  “Who are you?  Ruth Vert.  Who are you?  Frances Powell.”

Luke can’t hear anything except Liz’s voice, can’t see anything except her shadowed figure a few feet from him, but the names of the future-dead appear in his notebook nonetheless.

It’s a lot of names that would have been popular decades ago, with familiar last names.  Henrietta is full of old families.  Not many people move to town, but almost no one leaves, either.

“What’s your name?” his mom asks.  Then, a bit louder, “Excuse me, what’s your name?”

Luke glances up, then loses his breath.  Where there should be empty air is instead the vague shape of a person, faded and fuzzy but unmistakably there.  He blinks, but the scene doesn’t change.

“Mom, I can see him,” he says, voice shaking.

The spirit wanders forward, almost stumbling.  Luke always thought that the procession of spirits would be orderly in some way, but this one seems lost, scared.  The more Luke looks, the more he can make out other details.  He’s wearing a sweater and slacks, hair soft and rumpled.  His face is fuzzing and faded, like Luke is trying to look at it through a fogged window, features completely indistinct.  Luke wouldn’t recognize him if he passed him on the street tomorrow, but somehow he feels like he would know him anyway.

He’s unmistakably young, not much older than Luke, if at all.

The spirit picks at his sleeve, in such an alive way that Luke feels vaguely sick.  Then he stumbles forward, as if jostled from behind.

“Get his name,” Liz says frantically.  “He won’t answer me and I need to get the others.”

Luke slides off his spot on the wall, heart hammering in his chest.  He approaches on unsteady feet, then asks “What’s your name?”

The spirit doesn’t seem to hear, moving slowly towards the church door in a zig zag, as if he can’t see the path but feels a pull to it anyway.

He doesn’t seem to know that he’s going to his death.

“Who are you?” he asks, stepping closer.  He won’t step on the corpse road, not tonight when spirits are actively using it, but he needs to be sure that the boy can hear him.  Even this close, his face is indiscernible.  Nothing about him suggests that this is a person, but Luke can feel it.  His mind knows what his eyes can’t figure out.

His eyes catch on the raven insignia on his sweater, and his breath stutters.

That’s the Aglionby symbol.  He’s a high schooler, just like Luke, and he’ll be dead within the year.

The boy continues forward, and Luke follows, repeating his questions.  The closer he gets, the colder he feels.  Logically, he knows that it’s the spirits drawing on his energy, but it feels like dread, and it feels like death.

The boy approaches the entrance to the church, and Luke knows that he’ll be gone if he passes through that doorway.  Impulsively, he reaches out a hand and touches the boy’s sweater.  His fingers go numb from the cold immediately, but the boy stops, and for the first time seems like he might notice Luke next to him.

“Please,” Luke says, softer.  “Will you tell me your name?”

“Ashton,” he says.  His voice is quiet, but not because he’s whispering.  It sounds like his voice is coming from far away, tinny like it’s been passed through a radio.  The top of his sweater is wet from a rain that hasn’t happened yet, and Luke can’t stop looking at where his face should be.

Of all the times Luke imagined what it would be like to see the dead, he never anticipated that it would feel like this.  Cold, maybe.  A bit lonely, perhaps.  But not like he’s looking at a grave only to find it staring back and asking why it couldn’t be saved.

“Is that all?” he whispers.

“Ashton Irwin,” the spirit says.  He closes his eyes.  Luke doesn’t know how he knows this, since he can’t see any facial features, but he knows.  “That’s all there is.”

Ashton falls to his knees, hands braced against the dirt.  The black of the church seems to swallow him up, and Luke feels a lump in his throat.

“Mom he’s--he’s dying.”

“Not yet,” Liz says.  Sometime during his talk with the spirit, she finished writing the rest of the names and moved to stand behind him.  She puts an arm around his shoulders, and Luke leans into her, resisting hiding himself because he feels like he has to see Ashton off at least.  He fades into the church, or maybe the church fades into him.  Luke watches until there are no traces of him left.

“Why could I see him?” he asks into the quiet.  It feels loud in the night.  Warmth starts to return to his skin, and in the edge of his hearing he registers the distant sound of an owl and a few crickets.

The spirits have passed on, but Luke feels stuck.  His lungs are unfreezing, but the cold is replaced by an empty feeling.  Grief, or perhaps regret.

“There are only two reasons a non-seer would see a spirit on St. Mark’s Eve,” his mom says carefully.  “Either you’re his true love, or you killed him.”

Adventures in Auditory Agony

So I recently made a playlist of absolutely horrible music to drive around to, and the image of Ronan and Blue terrorizing the others with it popped into my head and refused to leave until I wrote this entirely self-indulgent fic to go along with the playlist. It’s v silly and also my first foray into writing TRC content, but...here we are.

Post-TRK/Pre-Epilogue Bronan friendship and gangsey shenanigans, rated T, read on ao3

In the week following Gansey’s graduation, something strange happened.

He hadn’t wanted to leave for a week, not when he was going to be leaving Henrietta so soon anyway. He’d disliked the plan even more when Maura had insisted Blue couldn’t go with him, that if she was going on this road trip with him and Henry, the Fox Way ladies needed to take advantage of every moment they had with her. Gansey couldn’t begrudge Maura time with her daughter, just as he couldn’t blame his own mother for wanting him to spend a little time with the rest of the Gansey clan before he took off again.

So he acquiesced to his mother’s demand-phrased-as-a-polite-request that he would spend a few days at home, on the condition that he could bring Adam along. Adam was even less thrilled than Gansey at the prospect of leaving Henrietta, especially when he knew Ronan wouldn’t come with them, especially especially when he remembered the last time he’d visited D.C. But Gansey desperately wanted company, and with Henry visiting his mother, Adam was the only option left, and he knew it. Besides, at Gansey’s suggestion, they’d added a few extra days for visiting some of the colleges Adam was applying to.

(Neither of them mentioned that the idea of some quality time together—just the two of them—before they each went their separate ways for the foreseeable future was an appealing one. They both thought it.)

The plan was met with mixed feelings by every party involved, but it went off without a hitch, and four family dinners, three college visits, two breakdowns in the Pig, and one emotional late-night heart to heart later, the two boys had returned to Henrietta.

For a while, Gansey noticed nothing amiss.

The first night back was a game night. As usual, Blue somehow managed to beat everyone at Super Smash Bros. despite passing up actually learning how to play in favor of smashing buttons at random. As usual, Adam was alarmingly good at Monopoly. As usual, Ronan got bored before they could finish a round and insisted on playing Cards Against Humanity instead. As usual, Gansey was terrible at every game but nonetheless seemed to have the most fun.

The next day was spent split off in pairs. Gansey spent some time at 300 Fox Way, helping out around the house and good-naturedly tasting Maura’s experimental teas before Blue got fed up with Orla, who was not in the least deterred from her usual flirtatiousness by the official nature of their relationship, and dragged him out of the house to 1) go for a drive, 2) make out in the back seat of the Pig, and 3) explore a local farmer’s market. The rest of the day was spent at Monmouth Manufacturing, though Adam and Ronan were nowhere to be seen. Ronan had been spending more nights at St. Agnes than Monmouth, though, so Gansey wasn’t surprised. All went as usual.

It was on his second full day back that Gansey realized something had happened during his week away.

After a lazy morning, everyone was gathered once more at Monmouth Manufacturing to go for a trip to the Barns. Ronan had volunteered to drive the BMW.

Adam and Gansey followed the other two as they headed out of the apartment, watching amusedly at the scene unfolding. Blue had thrown herself sideways into Ronan, and despite her size, she’d managed to knock him off balance for a moment.

“Hey, asshole, cut it out,” he growled, mussing the colorfully clipped mess of her hair affectionately.

Blue huffed and attempted to shove his hand away. He redoubled his efforts. She ducked away, but he followed, and it quickly escalated into a chaotic tussle.

“‘M gonna shave it all off,” came Blue’s muffled voice from behind Ronan’s arm, “just to spite you.”

Adam laughed. The sound made Gansey grin.

“I’d shave it for you if you asked nicely.”

“No way. It’s a punishment, not a reward.” By this time she had freed herself and was grinning breathlessly back at him as she jogged up to the Beemer.

Then Blue climbed in shotgun.

Ronan was unfazed by this. He hopped into the driver’s seat, and Gansey saw rather than heard him answering her quip.

Gansey, however, was not unfazed. And neither was Adam, if the slight frown and amused quirk of his lips when he turned to meet Gansey’s eyes was any indication.

Gansey could only shrug and follow Adam into the back seat.

Blue rode shotgun in the Camaro more frequently than Ronan or Adam did these days, and on the rare occasion that any of them ended up in Adam’s piece of shit car, she had as fair a shot as either of the others. But if Ronan was driving, it had always been Gansey or, more recently, Adam in the front. It wasn’t that Blue and Ronan weren’t close—they were just about as close now as any of them, and it made Gansey’s heart feel like it was swelling up three times it’s regular size, like the Grinch’s in the old cartoon he and Helen used to watch every December. But Blue had never attempted riding shotgun in the Beemer if either of the others were along, and Ronan had never asked her to, and something about it felt significant when she casually swung herself into the front seat.

It was practiced, Gansey realized as he buckled his seatbelt. It was easy. What had Ronan and Blue gotten up to while he and Adam were away?

He didn’t have to wonder long.

Ronan wordlessly tossed Blue his phone, and she hooked it up to the aux that he’d dreamt to work in the BMW. This, too, was practiced and easy. Blue even knew his phone password.

Just as they screeched out of the parking lot, some kind of music that Gansey could only call aggressive blasted through the speakers. It wasn’t the murder squash song, which he appreciated, but it also wasn’t all that much better. It was all angry electric music and yelling and loud, so loud, but Blue and Ronan were both yelling the words and head-banging, which he had never seen from either of them. It was so strange, he had to glance over at Adam for confirmation that he wasn’t hallucinating. Adam stared back at him wide-eyed.

For a while they only watched in silence, and Gansey almost felt as though he were intruding on some kind of private ritual until Blue turned and began to teasingly sing some of the lyrics of the next song—a horrible, upbeat electronic sounding one—at him. From the few lyrics he could understand, it was about carrying out a relationship over the phone. It was more than a little pointed, and he found himself blushing at some of the more explicit lyrics.

Some of his discomfort evaporated when she laughed delightedly at him and returned to dancing in her seat, replaced by fascination.

Finally, Adam broke in, yelling to be heard over the music, “Can someone please explain what is going on?”

Ronan met his eyes in the rearview mirror and shouted back, “We’re going to the Barns, Parrish. Where have you been?”

“Or do you just mean like, the state of the world today?” Blue asked, turning to face him. “Because you will not believe what’s going on with climate change.”

“I mean the state of my good ear, which is on the verge of becoming my other bad ear. The hell are we listening to?”

Blue lowered the volume just enough that they could speak without having to shout, warding off Ronan’s dirty look with one of her own. “Our playlist. I wanted to name it “emo to the excreamo,” but Ronan kept insisting on names that were objectively terrible and we couldn’t compromise so now it’s a sad nameless little playlist.”

“For the record, ‘songs to commit crimes to’ is the perfect name.”

“It doesn’t make sense! I can’t commit ecoterrorism while blasting Britney Spears.”

“Not with that attitude you can’t. You probably shouldn’t even fucking bother with the ecoterrorism if you aren’t gonna blast Britney Spears while you do it.”

Gansey’s head was spinning. “There’s Britney Spears on this playlist?”

“Obviously,” Blue shot back over her shoulder. It did not seem obvious to Gansey given that the current song was some kind of angry electric rock and that the playlist had been made by Ronan Lynch and Blue Sargent, but then again, nothing else about their current situation had seemed obvious to him ten minutes ago, either.

“I can’t blast anything as bop-worthy as Britney Spears, or I’ll get caught and then I won’t be able to commit more ecoterrorism.” This Blue directed at Ronan. “You must be a terrible criminal.”

“Fine. ‘Songs to get murdered to’ works just as well.”

Blue punched him in the arm. “That’s insensitive! Gansey’s been murdered!”

Ronan barked out a surprised laugh at that. “Yeah, by you and your kiss of death, Maggot.”

“For the record,” Gansey interjected, “Jane’s kiss of death was vastly preferable to the thousands of hornet stings.”

“What a compliment.” Adam raised an eyebrow and looked from Gansey to Blue.

Ronan snickered. “Congrats, Sargent. Kissing you is slightly better than getting stung to death.”

Blue’s reply was interrupted by the sound of “it’s Britney, bitch,” from the stereo, which sent her scrambling to set the volume to its previous ear-bleeding level.

They carried on like this for a while, Ronan pushing 20 over the speed limit and Blue scream-singing lyrics to songs that almost all had to do with sex, cars, or both. Gansey thought the one about a dreamer in a Beemer seemed a little on the nose, and sentiment Adam voiced moments later.

“I can’t help it if I’m someone’s muse,” came the reply. Blue snorted loudly, and Ronan reached over and pinched her on the exposed skin between the top of her knee socks and her ripped shorts. She slapped his hand and squirmed away.

At one point, Blue sang (if you could call it that, when it was really closer to talking or shouting but set to music) the intro to a song that began, “Hey you lil piss baby,” leaning across the center console to get in Ronan’s face, without missing a single word. In fact, Gansey realized, she knew at least some (if not most) of the words to all of these songs, and he wondered just how many times they’d listened to them together.

The fact that they had coordinated dance moves and established which of them sang specific parts when there were back and forth elements solidified for him that the answer was…many, many times.

This coordination was amusing for the most part. An amused smirk played across Adam’s lips as he watched their stupid dances, and Gansey was just ruminating on how happy and carefree both of them seemed, open in a way he rarely saw from either of them, when their performance jolted him out of his reverie.

Blue was moaning. Loudly.

It was part of the song, of course, the singer’s desire to — like rabbits, with a moan in place of an expletive, blaring over and over through the speakers. Ronan was singing along with the rest of the lyrics. Blue contributed the…interjectory sounds, and apparently took this role very seriously.

When her eyes, glinting mischievously, met his in the rearview mirror, he realized she was doing this on purpose. To mess with him. His mouth finally caught up to his brain, and he spluttered a scandalized, “Jane!”

She threw her head back and cackled gleefully. Ronan fist-bumped her. Gansey’s face felt hot.

“I think you’ve become a bad influence, Lynch,” Adam shouted, but he was failing to suppress his smile.

“If anything,” Ronan shot back, “Sargent’s been a bad influence on me. She’s the one that found most of these songs.”

Gansey wondered at that. He wondered all through the suggestive and outright explicit of the next song as well. He wondered at Blue’s ability to sing along without so much as a blush, all while he tried very hard not to think on any of the images his mind conjured up in response.

But of course, she was dauntless and outspoken in everything she did. He smiled at the mental image of her playing these songs for Ronan, ranting all the while about how women in media are sexualized for male gratification but expected to keep themselves modest and pure, the double-edged sword that is the masculine perception of female sexuality, and raging against the vilification of the women who wrote songs expressing that sexuality while men could objectify women in their song’s as much as they pleased. Gansey wished he could’ve been there for Ronan’s response.

None of that made the upbeat, electronic excuse for music any more aurally appealing, unfortunately.

One song ended with sudden bursts of horrid, metallic clashing sounds at a volume so painful that he, Adam, and even Blue covered their ears. She reached to lower the volume, but Ronan slapped her hand away.

“Come on, Ronan,” Gansey yelled, “this isn’t even music! It’s just…screeching!”

Ronan threw a wolfish grin at him over his shoulder. “I know. It sounds just like the Pig when she breaks down. Does it turn you on, Dick?”

Gansey let out a deep sigh, but before he could defend himself, the song had changed and Blue had let out a little excited yelp.

“I just remembered!” she gasped, grabbing for Ronan’s phone. “Henry gave me a song to play for you. You’re gonna love it.”

Ronan sneered. “I don’t trust Cheng’s taste in music.”

Blue only waved her hand dismissively and fiddled with his phone until a new song, not dissimilar in style to the rest, was playing. A few verses in, Adam began laughing, a full, joyous laugh rarely heard and positively contagious.

“It’s perfect for you, Ro,” he gasped out.

Ronan had to concede that a song about only answering the phone for your boyfriend’s personalized ringtone was rather fitting, even if Henry was the one to recommend it. He didn’t fight Blue when she added it to the playlist, and his threats following her announcement that she was making the song Adam’s ringtone were halfhearted at best.

Looking from Blue and Ronan’s bickering to Adam’s gasping laughter, Gansey tried to take in and file away every detail. He wanted to be able to look back on this moment when they were spread out across the country, to remind himself that the separation was only temporary. His chest felt like it was going to burst.

By the time they got to the Barns, it was his eardrums that felt like they were going to burst.

“Next time,” he groaned, stepping out of the car and into the Virginia summer heat, “I’m bringing ear plugs.”

~Ocean Eyes~ (Benny Weir x Reader) Part 4

Series Masterlist  //  Official Masterlist

Summary: So lover boy Benny stays over at your house for the night. It might’ve seemed harmless and platonic at the time, but when the two of you wake up together on your sofa, it’s a wHoLe other heccing story.

Warnings: None

~

“Here we are, Benny. This is the place,”

Benny looked around the house he had just entered, namely, your house, in awe. “Woah. You’ve got a nice place (Y/n).” He complimented, yourself smiling a little as you set the house keys down and took your shoes off. “Yeah, thanks. My parents had quite a bit of money before they died, and converting demon euros into human currency turned into more money than I knew what to do with.” “Like...how much?” You looked at him for a moment, pondering what you’d say to him before your lips parted. “If I tell you, will you promise not to like...I don’t know, tell other people that I own this certain amount of cash?” You asked, the boy smiling goofily as he crossed his heart with the tip of his index finger. “Cross my heart, hope to die. I won’t tell anyone.” Sighing softly, you smiled a little before intertwining your own hands in front of you. “....Just over three billion.” He’s goofy smile dropped in pure shock. “Are you serious??” He asked, yourself flinching a little at his volume. “Y-yeah. It’s the reason I haven’t got a job, I figured I wouldn’t need one, and it’d make it easier for me to stay on the down-low with the whole hiding from witches situation. It’s also the reason I’ve been able to travel a lot.” You sighed as you turned to adjust some of the books which sat in a white bookshelf beside you against the wall, the boy simply taking a minute to process what you had just told him. “How did you get it converted? Like, I’m pretty sure that anyone who transferred it between currencies, magic or no, would’ve certainly said something.” Benny asked. “The people at home converted it for me before they all went into hiding, they knew why I needed it, they did it no questions asked,” You explained sadly, Benny looking down in slight guilt because of the unfortunate situation you had been put into. You too felt guilty because of the mood you had left in the air. So, to make up for it, you gave a playful smile and a suggestion. “Hey, how about we cook up some extra buttery popcorn and I show you the Dark Crystal?”  Almost instantly did the boy look up and gain a goofy smile once more, nodding as the two of you headed into your kitchen to begin preparations.

~

Once you had all the snacks you required, the two of you sat down on your cozy sofa with a giant fluffy blanket and your greasy and buttery popcorn. Since it was pretty cold, you lent Benny one of your way oversized hoodies while you wore one yourself, snuggling in and waiting for the movie to begin. 

As the movie did play, you and Benny gorged yourselves on popcorn while you watched the fantasy film in complete concentration, being sure to pay close attention to all the little details. You could tell for sure that Benny was enjoying it, the way he watched it as intently as he did with the Star wars film you had just seen made your heart flutter, finally someone enjoyed the same genre as you!

What you hadn’t noticed however, was the way you and Benny had gradually began to move closer and closer, neither of you being able to comprehend it even when you had your head resting right against his chest. The sensation however made the two of you more and more sleepy, until the end credits of the film began rolling and the two of you passed out against each other.

~

Benny was the first to allow his eyes to flutter open, a little confused when he didn’t see the regular scenery of his own bedroom but coming to the realization that he was in your lounge room when he saw you sleeping against himself. He was about to come to a content state, but then he had to do a double take. 

An adorable girl with fluffy (h/l) (h/c) hair had her face pressed against his chest, in a way that caused the chub on her cheek to move to one side. It was you of course, you were the girl that Benny had subconsciously called cute in his mind. Red flushed his cheeks as he simply stared down at you, not knowing what he was supposed to do with you. He was scared to wake you up, but he also remembered that the two of you had school in an hour or so.

Before he could even think of a way to wake you, you shuffled against him and leaned away slightly. The boy felt his heart leap, startled as he watched you stretch and yawn. As you rubbed your eyes, they slowly opened and you became more aware of everything. That was when you realized what was going on, and immediately blushed as you leaned back as far as it was polite, the two of you making an extremely awkward eye contact for a few moments.

When you had enough of feeling super embarrassed, you cleared your throat and gave a friendly demeanor and smile.

“U-uh...Good morning Benny.” You said softly.  “Good morning...Uh, how did you sleep?” He asked politely, yourself processing the question before giggling softly at your own answer which was still in your head. “Well uh, that’s a bit of an interesting uh, what you call it...concept.” You started, the boy tilting his head slightly as he waited for you to continue, “See, demons of any kind don’t technically sleep, we uh...we go into this state of self reincarnation that pretty much means our entire immortality. Like humans, no ‘sleep’ and we’ll die.”  Benny took a moment to process your explanation, nodding slightly as a small smile formed on his lips. “That’s...that’s actually really cool. Is it like how we sleep, like the experience?” He asked, yourself giggling as you shrugged. “Well I mean, I wouldn’t exactly know, since I’m not a human. But it certainly is a strange feeling that you never really quite become accustomed to ever. It’s like...” You began, Benny clearly becoming intrigued as he watched you intently, “...an out of body experience, but it’s out of the body that’s in your body. It’s a very difficult thing to explain, I understand if you don’t get it.” “No, I think I do. It’s like, the you inside your soul is travelling whatever else there is in you, as in spirit. Right?” He asked, yourself slowly nodding as he almost perfectly described what sleep was like for you. “Yeah...yeah, that’s pretty much a perfect description of my sleep.” You said excitedly, the boy smiling more as he looked down a little. “Well, I’ll tell you this much, human sleep isn’t that, it’s either all black nothingness or a dream. But I have experienced something like that numerous times before, like in states of sleep paralysis.” “Wow, sleep paralysis?” You asked, the boy nodding as you continued, “Demons don’t get sleep paralysis, but I’ve watched many documentaries and true cases of it, I take it it’s quite terrifying.” “Majority of my experiences are, it’s usually the scenario of a show person. But not my inner outer body experiences, those...they, ‘magically’ help me find what the cause for any of my mental issues are, and the next day I’m practically a new person.” He explained, yourself smiling as you looked down slightly. “The human body certainly is an interesting formation of atoms with many secrets, I’ll tell you that much.” The two of you shared a comfortable silence, before the both of you realized something once more. You had school that day. However, Benny was the first to put it into words. “Well, that was a great random morning conversation. But we better get ready for school.” He suggested, yourself silently agreeing with him as the two of you got up and did whatever your morning ritual of getting ready for school was.In the very moment you got up, you honestly thought it was amazing how quickly the awkward situation was defused, it was as if nothing had happened in the first place. You’d only known this boy for two days and you were already connecting with him through a conversation about inner outer body experiences. And from that moment, you knew that you wanted to keep him close, regardless of whether he was, by blood, your species’ sworn enemy.

~

“Where the hell have you two been?” At hearing a familiar voice behind you in the crowded halls of White-Chapel High, you and Benny turned to see Sarah and Ethan, the two seemingly confused. Sarah was the one who asked. “Oh, that’s right...I forgot to call you...” Benny said, slightly guilty remembering that he and you pretty much ditched the others for ice cream and a movie. After the small guilt trip, you and Benny looked at each other before he confidently looked back up toward Ethan and Sarah. “Well. Let’s just say everything was sorted, (Y/n) knows that we know, and she’s cool with it. We all know she’s not evil or isn’t planning anything with evil intent, so everything’s all great and dandy.” Benny explained, Ethan and Sarah looking between each other for a moment before they returned their attention to the two of you. “And why did sorting it out take the remainder of the night?” Sarah asked. “Well making her see into her own mind brought up bad memories, so we went out for ice cream until like 10. Then we went to her place and watched a movie. It’d be pretty rude of me not to do that for her, especially with the situation she’s in.” Benny explained like it was nothing, but it was certainly something to Ethan and Sarah since they both smirked. “So you took her on a date?” Ethan asked, the two of you instantly blushing madly. “W-what? No! Of course not! I-I mean, it’s not like I wouldn’t...but I’ve known the girl for two days now, c’mon guys!” Benny tried to defend himself confidently, but ended up rambling on slightly. “Right, right...who’s hoodie is that?” Sarah asked, the boy’s face becoming more and more red as he tried to think of a cover story. He forgot to give you your hoodie back...but he really didn’t want to! It was so big and cozy, and somehow mentally comforting. “Uh-Um I um...It’s-It’s not (Y/n)’s! I’ll tell you that much!” He said almost too confidently, yourself sighing as you covered your face in embarrassment. Sarah and Ethan looked at each other, chuckling quietly before they returned their attention to the two of you once again. “Cute. But all embarrassment aside, we gotta get to class, the bell’s gonna ring any second now.” Sarah said. “Hey, we’re all in the same biology class first up, right?” Benny said, almost completely disregarding the conversation beforehand. Everyone nodded, and he smiled brightly. “Let’s get a move on and get our sorry asses to class.” Benny said sarcastically happy, wrapping an arm around both you and Ethan and pushing the two of you ahead with himself while Sarah rolled her eyes and followed you guys.

Just as you were all about to get to class, a certain flamboyant blonde slid in front of the group, his attention all on you as he excitedly looked you up and down.  “Where have you been babe? We were supposed to have dinner together last night but you disappeared.” Rory asked, giving you the sad puppy dog eyes. You blushed at the way he talked to you, he was certainly a charmer when it came to flustering you. “I-I’m sorry Rory, me and Benny went out for ice cream and I guess we lost track of time.” You explained, the blonde’s charming demeanor dropping as he looked between you and Benny before his eyes landed on Benny, and irritated look in Rory’s eyes. “Hey buddy, you trying to stop me from making a move on my girl?” He asked aggressively, Benny laughing sarcastically before he too became serious. “Please, (Y/n) has class and most likely standards. If she was anyone’s girl she wouldn’t be yours.” He stated. “Oh yeah? You wanna bet?” Rory challenged, getting close to Benny in an attempt at intimidating him, even though Benny was quite a bit taller. “Yeah, I do actually.” Benny replied viciously. Rory immediately turned to you and took your hand, immediately getting to the point with the situation. “(Y/n), my beautiful fallen angel...would you like to accompany yours truly to a movie this Friday?” You mentally cringed at his terminology, since you were literally the opposite of what he called you.  However, you still found it really sweet that he was trying to prove his worth by asking you out, so you smiled as you nodded. “I’d love to Rory.” You said in your usual soft and sweet voice. All three of the other’s had their jaws completely dropped. They didn’t believe your response for even a second, no one would go out with Rory! “What??” They all asked in sync. “You heard her losers! I got me a date with the cutest girl in school!” Rory cheered excitedly as he jumped around, beginning to run off. “I’ll pick you up Friday (Y/n)!!” He shouted back, eventually disappearing into the still crowded halls of the school. Once he did, everyone turned to look at you, absolutely bewildered at your decision. “Why did you say that??” Sarah asked, more than shocked. “What?” You asked, clueless as to why they were acting like they were. “Say that you’d go out with him??” Ethan finished. “I don’t see what the issue is, I was only being polite.” “Come on (Y/n), you could be going out with Ethan and you’d be doing better.” Benny said, Ethan looking back at him offended. “Hey!” He bit, Sarah sighing as she shook her head. “Look, we can worry about this later. But for now, we’re going to be late. C’mon.” She said, everyone sighing loudly as you all walked off to Biology, in a quite tense and awkward silence.

~

The current setting is of two certain geeks playing video games. Namely, Ethan and Benny sitting in Ethan’s room while they played mario cart, as per usual. They had just finished a round too, but just as they were about to begin again, a thought came to Ethan’s mind and he just had to know something, something that he was pretty sure Benny knew.

“So Benny, what’s going on with you and (Y/n)?” He asked, the taller brunette looking at him as he ate a few potato chips. “What do you mean?” Benny replied with a question, some small chip crumbs tumbling out of his mouth as he did. “I mean like, you got really defensive today when it came to her.” Ethan said, Benny giving him a confused look. “How so?” He asked, picking up a can of soda and opening it. “Well, it wasn’t huge, it was actually really subtle. When Rory got all up in your face about taking (Y/n) out to get ice cream, you weren’t submissive about that stuff like you always are, you were actually kind of aggressive.” Ethan explained. Benny took a gulp of his soda before he responded, “In what way?” “If she was anyone’s girl she wouldn’t be yours. Not only is the statement having a go at Rory but also your tone of voice when you said it. Even though he’s annoying, Rory is still our friend, and in a sense you did discourage him and throw him under the bus.” In a small fit of whatever his emotion was in that moment, Benny turned to Ethan and gave him an irritated look. “Look, it’s only natural that I wanna protect a girl from Rory. And either way, (Y/n) isn’t just a girl, she’s special, in more ways than the fact she’s a pure blood demon. You know how I stayed at her’s and we watched a movie?” Benny asked, Ethan nodding before the boy continued, “Well, we woke up in a bit of an awkward situation, we were...a little too close to each other on the sofa.” Just as Ethan was about to intervene, Benny cut him off again, “but not even a minute later did we spark up a random conversation about sleep, and we really connected on an intense level through it. She just...she deserves someone way better than him!” Ethan took a moment to process what his best friend had just told him. When he said connection, that could’ve meant anything. But Ethan was sure he knew where this was going to end up. “Who do you think she belongs with Benny?” Ethan asked softly, placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder. Everything was quiet for a while, Benny looking down as he processed the question that had been asked. He wasn’t even sure himself, or maybe he was but just didn’t want to admit anything that seemed dumb and crazy. Maybe he’d be sure one day, but for now, he didn’t want to have to worry himself about this whole situation.

Picking up his controller once more, Benny started a new level on Mariocart before smiling slightly.

“C’mon dude, let’s just play some video games.”

~

You laid in your room with your back against the fabric of your comfy mattress, many diverse thoughts rushing through your mind as your widened ocean eyes stared straight at your ceiling. You had to take the time to process your day, it was a necessity for your self reincarnation to function correctly. Well, that’s what you believed anyways.

First of all, you had awoken against the oddly warm chest of Benny Weir. It had begun awkward, your face all red and your mouth only managing stammers. But then you had the conversation about inner outer body experiences with him and it just...gave you a really strong connection with him.

Second of all, you and Benny had been embarrassed by Sarah and Ethan when they asked about your ‘date’. You didn’t know why your face got all red like that, or even his for that matter, but it certainly was a strange feeling, not bad, but strange. That was when you remembered that you hadn’t gotten your hoodie off of Benny yet, but you didn’t think you’d push it as an issue since he seemed to have taken a liking to it.

Third and Final of all, Rory had asked you on a date. You had to admit, he was a bit lively and flamboyant for your taste, but he certainly was a huge sweetheart. You found it quite rude when everyone thought that it was ridiculous you had agreed to go out with him, but you were glad he was in high spirit about it. 

All in all, your day was eventful. But the person who had reoccurred in it was Benny. That was strange to you, he had reoccurred in it the past day as well. For some reason though, it made you smile to think about the geeky boy and the special memories you had already made with him. So, without a word, you entered your state of reincarnation, Benny on your mind and a smile upon your lips.

~

“Good morning (Y/n).” You spun around to see a group of familiar faces, standing all together in the, as usual, crowded halls of White-Chapel high. Benny was the one who had greeted you, Ethan beside him with a welcoming smile, Rory beside Ethan, Sarah at her locker and Erica beside Sarah. You liked the smile that seeing them brought to you, it was something that seemed too foreign to be natural. However, you still took it as you approached the group, happy as ever to see them. “Good morning Benny, good morning all. It’s nice to see you all.” You responded politely, Ethan chuckling softly at your greeting. “Man, and to think you wouldn’t even look us in the eye three days ago (Y/n), you’re certainly lively today.” Ethan pointed out, yourself blushing a little as you looked down and smiled wider.  “Well, you can thank this group for that. I never really had friends before now, and as cheesy I’m making this all sound, I’m really thankful for you guys.” You said, everyone smiling sweetly at your statement as Sarah shut her locker and wrapped and arm around your shoulder.  “When you’re with us, I doubt you’ll get any trouble from those horrible jocks. Like they say, there’s safety in numbers.” She said as the group began walking together, Benny to the other side of you.  “Thanks Sarah, that means a lot to me.” You said softly, the girl smiling at you before she took her arm back. “I’m always here for you (Y/n). But for now, I’ve got English. I’ll see you later.” Sarah said before she and Erica disappeared in the many different crowds that were present in the halls.  Rory had eventually separated from you guys and you, Ethan and Benny had started a conversation about who was more superior out of the Hulk and Thor. 

“Yeah right, imagine wanting to be some big dumb green guy with anger issues-”  Just as you were about to finished your sentence, you had just brushed shoulders with someone. But it was far from an experience you could just brush off, no. You felt a feeling of dread go throughout your entire body, so intense that your knees went weak and you instantly fell to the ground. Benny and Ethan instantly became worried and dropped beside you, confused but moreover concerned. While Ethan placed a hand on your back, Benny immediately took your hand. Your small hand instinctively clutched around Benny’s bigger one as you looked up to see who you had brushed shoulders with. “(Y/n), are you okay? What happened?” Benny asked, frazzled with the sudden situation. You ignored the question for the moment so you could answer your own. But the moment you made eye contact with the person, an even worse pain that went straight through your chest, one that caused you to gasp and cry out in pain as your breathing and vision became uneven. All of the horrid memories rushed back in an instant and you felt yourself slowly becoming overwhelmed by it just from the feelings you got. “(Y/n), come on, talk to me, what’s wrong?” Benny asked, even more worried when you didn’t respond.  Using your free hand, you pointed to the person who now had there back to you and was walking away from you. 

“Sh-she’s...she’s a witch...”

~

A/N: oH mY gOd tHiS tOoK wAy ToO LoNg tOo FiNiSh iM sO sOrRy YaLL. I was busy with school and everything was just really overwhelming. But I’m done with school for the year, and I’ll have heaps of time to work on this story now! Just please hang in there, I know I suck.

Taglist:

@bisexualprinxexx​ @realityshifter111​ @libellule2001​ @floppytheprofessionalflopper​ @fandom-imagines1​

Rappa (BNHA) NSFT ABC’s

Because this guy doesn’t have enough content and we THIRSTY.

So obvious warning for some smut but you already knew that 💅🏻

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Aftercare? What’s that?

Okay well he’s not THAT bad but that’s after you somehow manage to teach this boy some manners. Not the best but he tries (some times at least).

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

You’d think his arms right? Okay well you’re not completely wrong but his shoulders more specifically. Why? Well because his cute lil’ S/O can’t help but to leave scratches on him and his shoulders he can show them off easier.

On his S/O? Their thighs. Yep you heard me, Rappa is a thigh man. Muscle thighs? Amazing. Soft thighs? Perfect pillow. It’s not just because he can lay on their lap tho if he really wanted to. There’s also the fact that he can fuck their thighs and throw in some dry humping when he can’t do that.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Okay so Rappa’s a big dude, so there’s gonna be a LOT. That stuff is shooting out at you before the last bit is kinda dripping down.

It’s pretty thick and doesn’t taste the best. Tell this guy to get a better diet because his cum tastes like you dipped your tongue in some SALT.

Speaking of taste, this lil’ big shit is probably make you swallow. Yep so how you know how to down some liquid or you might struggle. Not that he minds seeing some dripping down your chin...

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He won’t admit it but he like the idea of having whoever he’s with use their quirk on him (like not shigaraki kinda quirk but yeah). He’ll definitely say something though if he’s not feeling it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

His body count isn’t that high really, like maybe 2 or 3. But those were probably one night stands. The thing is though? He has a good idea of what he’s doing. Sure, it’s probably from a lot of ahem, films, but he knows a thing or two.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Literally any position that puts him in power is a go. Anything that has his partner on his knees is high on his list.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Kinda both? Like he’s gonna tease and laugh but he’s not going to be telling jokes or anything like that. He’s tryna get some so he’s got a goal here.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He kinda keeps everything trimmed? Sometimes he straight up forgets to trim it down a little bit

Curly hair and wild as hell. Like that’s a forest floor not just a bush.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

The only Rappa has for Romance is the “R”. Like he just isn’t that great at showing it. So he uses sex as a way to show it, even if it’s not the conventional way.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Keep your hand out of your damn pants, jeez. A solid FIVE days out of the week and more than likely more than once a day if he can. But he’d rather it be his S/O instead of his hand.

He’s chasing that release like his life depends on it. Fast movements, probably leaning against a wall or splayed out on a bed. Kind of rough with himself in all honesty.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Size Kink. Yeah it’s expected but there’s just something about him knowing that if he really wanted to, he could totally break his S/O. They’re just so damn tiny.

Breeding Kink. Yeahhhhhh, boy is feral. Like he doesn’t want the kid but it’s just so animalistic that he loves it. Also the mess. The mess afterwards is a huge positive.

Overstimulation. Mostly on his S/O. Just watching them squirm around, pushing at his hand and full on whimpering sets him OFF. He’ll want to go another round because of that. On him? He won’t complain but it isn’t his favorite. He’ll growl and let out grunts, jerking his hips, his thighs twitching and gripping at whatever he can.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere or at least, just about anywhere. He doesn’t like to share so as much as he loves the thrill of possibly being caught, he doesn’t want to get caught. He’s the only one who gets to see his little S/O red faced, trembling, and begging for more.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Strength and being able to take a hit. He got so hyped over Fatgum not just flying off somewhere and being down for the count so combine that kind of energy with his partner being his. Like you manage to pin him somewhere? Oh shit, his pants are tight. He sees you fighting and you don’t back down? He’ll be up for some “extra training” with you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Sharing. Nope, your his. Nobody else gets to see you like that. Nobody gets to see how desperate you get bent over a counter. Nobody gets to see how you’re scratching at his back as he pounds into you.

O = Oral (Preference for giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Prefers to receive. Hope you’ve got some stamina and a mouth bordering on a snake. Also don’t be surprised if he grabs the back of your head and starts fucking your face.

He can give though but he’s not up for it. You’re a lady want him to eat you out? He’ll go down on you and he’ll hold you still so he can get his fill. You’re a dude and you want him to suck you off? Hell yeah. Because he’s massive, he could probably take you all the way into his mouth and get some licking in there too. Oh and fair warning, nasty man eats cake.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Man out here acting like Sonic okay bad joke I know but shush. He doesn’t really do slow. He’s going hard and fast. Boy is more of a break your back kinda guy really.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not apposed to it but they don’t happen too often. He likes to go for a while and you can’t really do that in 15 minutes in some nasty gas station bathroom.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Hella. He’s down for a risk. I mean, he’s a villain here. It’s kinda his thing. As long as he doesn’t get caught he’s fine.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Man’s a HORSE. He can for maybe 3 to 4 rounds and lasts for maybe 30 minutes each. He just can’t get enough of his partner.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Not really. He doesn’t have much of need for them personally and he feels that he’s more than capable of pleasing his partner without some silicone assistance.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He’s a tease. Being, during and after. Before doesnt last that long because he’s impatient and just wants to get going. Oh and dirty talk? There’s a lot. Like, Overho would die with how dirty.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s kinda loud but not like screaming loud. Most grunts, groans and growls. He prefers making any noises in his partners ear so they hear just how good they are.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Has definitely thought about getting maybe a ladder or and Prince Albert piercing but never went through with it.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s a big guy so he’s packing but it’s in proportion. But it’s big for most people. Probably around 8 or 9 inches so not super long but it’s built like a Pepsi can. You might need two hands to go all the way around. Curves up and has a big vein on the right side. Lick that.

It’s honestly really pretty? Like it it matches his body in skin tone and gets flushed around the head. It turns are really pretty shade of pink.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

To infinity and beyond! Plus Ultra if you will. Basically, through the roof. But if you won’t let him tap, well. Poor boy gets snappy and the second you do let him (consent is important and he understands that), please cancel all plans for the next few days. You’ll be walking funny assuming you can walk.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Borderline immediately. After he learns how aftercare works and how it’s kinda important, he’ll keep himself awake long enough to make sure nobody’s hurt (like injury hurt) and in a good headspace. Of course, you do have to tell him most of the time but he tries.

IronDad Bingo Fic #4

Trope: Clingy

Tony had been completely minding his own business when it happened.  He was humming along to the low volume of KISS playing in his shop, being completely innocent and unprovoking. The music wasn’t loud in the least, thanks to Peter’s sensitive ears, and they were both doing their own thing. He didn’t even know what in the world had come over the kid to provoke him to do what he did.

So, yeah, he was just doing his own, peaceful, little thing, engrossed into his own little world - humming and tapping his foot to the beat while tinkering on a new robot arm for Dum-E - when he felt a large mass collide into his back. He pitched forward with a misstepped stumble and yelped loudly in surprise as he desperately tried to balance himself with the sudden weight clinging to his back.

In a moment of pure panic, fueled by his instinctual fight-or-fight instincts, he whirled himself around harshly, in an attempt to throw the intruder off his back. It didn’t work, but a round of unmistakable giggles erupting from the added mass of weight helped calm his overactive heart rate.

“Geez kid,” he groaned, voice laced with annoyance, hands busy rubbing down his face as he urged himself not to get frustrated.

Peter’s only response was another bout of giggles as he adjusted himself. His arms were draped neatly over Tony’s shoulder, clasping together firmly above the man’s collarbone, and his legs were wrapped tightly around the man’s waist.

“Kid, you’re gonna break my back. I’m too old for this,” Tony grumbled, turning back down to his project, assuming the kid would cut with the shenanigans and get off him. He usually listened…

“Aw, c’mon Mr. Stark. You’re no fun. You know you can hold my weight.” Peter laughed tightening his arms around Tony’s neck for emphasis as he adjusted himself into a position that wasn’t threatening the man’s sense of balance, which would result in them both keeling over. The genius felt a chin land harshly atop his head and he rolled his eyes at the childish action.

“I’m an old man Pete. I can’t carry the weight of an entire teenager, it’s not good for my bones.”

“Oh please,” Peter scoffed, “you and I both know I’m only like 70 pounds because of my hollowness. You bench much more than that.”

Tony rolled his eyes again and grabbed for a screwdriver lying across the table, finding it much easier to maneuver around than he would have thought with a 70lb weight hanging off his back.

“Plus,” Peter continued excitedly, “I’m conducting an experiment, and I know you can never say no in the name of science.”

“Yet, here you are still attached to my back instead of off doing that very thing.”

“This is my experiment Mr. Stark!” Peter laughed outright, right into his ear.

“So, you’re testing how quickly my patience runs out are ya?” Tony teased back, smiling as Peter presses his face into his hair to muffle the giggles.

“Nope! Shuri dared me that I couldn’t stick to something for a whole 24 hours, and I thought it might be a good hypothesis to test, y’know?”

“Hmm,” Tony hummed offhandedly, not quite piecing it together.

“So, instead of just sticking to a random wall for a whole 24 hours, I thought I might stick to something that moves so that I won’t get too bored staring at the same thing for so long. Plus you don’t like it when I climb on your ceilings so…”

“So you decided it was a good idea to latch onto my back?” Tony finished, arching his brow suspiciously. He didn’t like not being able to see the kid’s face.

“Yeah, Shuri thought it was a funny idea. She double-dog dared me to actually stick to you, and y’know, I can’t turn down a double-dog dare… Plus, she said she’d let me hang out in her lab if I actually did it and I just can’t pass up that kind of opportunity Mr. Stark.”

“Did she now?” Tony sighed, already resigning to his fate. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do.

“Yep,” Peter smiled, resting his chin atop Tony’s head again while he watched him work, “plus I get a piggy-back ride out of it.”

“How old are you?” Tony questioned patronizingly.

“Fifteen!” Peter answered proudly, flicking the underside of Tony’s chin just to annoy him.

“I figured as much,” Tony muttered under his breath, walking a few steps to his left to pull up a holographic screen. “Why didn’t you go stick to Cap? He’s better built for a 24-hour long piggyback ride.” It was a low blow, and Tony could practically hear the disgusted grimace from the kid.

“Na,” the boy answered, “Shuri said it specifically had to be you. She said she wanted to patronize you through me.”

“Figures.”

“Don’t be like that Mr. Stark,” Peter smiled, “this’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, sure, I don’t think so.”

***

It didn’t take much longer than an hour for Tony’s back to start feeling the effects. So, in an effort to keep the Spiderkid pleased, and to keep his back from completely giving out, he set up a weird, two seated stool type thing. He pulled the two stools together, and according to Peter it wouldn’t be cheating as long as he was still using his sticky powers to stay latched to his back, so they did that for another couple hours.

To be honest, Tony was actually surprised at the kid’s resilience. He would have predicted for Peter to have become bored by the two hour mark, but nope… the kid kept firm in his ambition. His legs remained wrapped around Tony’s waist as he sat in the stool behind him, and his arms dropped from his shoulders to circle around his chest as he slumped forward tiredly in the chair. By hour two, Peter’s forehead was nuzzled into the center of his spine as he snoozed, and Tony simply continued on tinkering, finding slight comfort in the small vibrations of Peter’s contented humms reverberating through his back.

By hour three, Peter’s soft snores and rhythmic humming came to an abrupt stop, which was followed by an insistent grumbling from his stomach.

“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter interrupted softly, using one of the arms wrapped around his chest to tap the tip of his finger on the man’s collarbone to get his attention.

“What’s up Pete? Finally gonna give up with this nonsense?”

“No,” Peter answered through a big yawn, “if you’re back’s feelin’ better, ‘m just a little bit hungry… whenever you got time.”

Tony shook his head humorously at the kid’s antics.

“Alright, just let me finish up with this real quick and we can head up for some dinner.”

“Kay,” Peter hummed softly, pressing his cheek back against Tony’s spine. “How long was I ‘sleep?”

“About two hours perhaps,” Tony answered noncommittally, standing from the seat slightly to reach across the table to grab the desired tool. Peter just went right along with him, without an inch of effort on either of their parts.

“Cool,” Peter mumbled, trying to repress the grin, “only 21 more hours to go.”

“You sound rather happy about that squirt,” Tony accused him.

“You are a really comfy pillow.”

***

They were approaching hour four rather quickly when Tony finally hobbled off the stool, with a snoozing Peter firmly attached to his back, and headed towards the elevator.

“The things I do for this kid,” he muttered under his breath, glancing down at the four limbs wrapped around his upper body and rolling his eyes. It was like wearing a ridiculously heavy backpack.

He strolled into the main Living Space, purposefully ignoring the strange looks he received from Rhodey and Sam sitting on the couches as he passed. Sam’s face was priceless, by the way. Utter shock and confusion was always a great combination.

“Uh, Tones,” Rhodey called out pointedly, not quite as surprised as Sam, but just about as confused.

“What’s up Honeybear?” Tony asked offhandedly, throwing open the fridge while Rhodey approached him and Peter from behind.

“Um, well,” Rhodey chuckled, “it looks like you gotta little passenger hitching a ride.”

“Oh yes,” Tony replied sarcastically, “how could I forget the 70 pound weight on my back?”

Rhodey raised an eyebrow at him and soon Sam was joining them in the kitchen, mouth agape as he stared at Peter snoozing against his back.

“Fine,” he muttered, turning to face them, “He wanted to do an experiment to see how long he could stick to something and Shuri dared him to stick to me for 24 hours. He’s bad at turning down dares, and I’m bad at putting my foot down when it comes to science.”

That reasoning seemed to appease Rhodey, and the man shrugged offhandedly before returning back to kitchen, but Sam just stared at him as if he were crazy… and he probably was honestly.

“Hey,” Tony addressed, turning slightly to expose his and the kid’s side to the man, “poke him a bit, would ya? I need to know what he wants for dinner.”

***

By hour six, Tony had found it was easier to carry the kid’s weight as long as he was moving. Peter also found easy ways to redistribute his weight to make the whole ordeal that much more comfortable for both parties. So, Tony just made sure to keep himself moving around his workshop when he wasn’t sitting on the stool.

Then, Peter had somehow convinced him to take a visit down to the gym. ‘Change of scenery’ and all that. So, at hour seven, Tony found himself doing pushups and throwing measly punches at a bag in the corner of the room. It was strange similar to wearing the suit without any the extra strength. Which… wow, made it a major workout for sure. Turned out, adding seventy pounds to your body weight while trying to do pushups decreased your reps by almost half. It was nice having his own personal cheerleader though.

That sucked up about another hour of their time, and Tony was feeling exhausted yet invigorated all the same. It left him sweaty and breathless, and Peter fanboying over his abilities without the suit.

But that led to another problem at hour 8 and a half.

“Peter I have to take a shower. I’m all sweaty and stinky, do you really want to stick to a stinky old man for the next 16 hours? Didn’t think so. Off you get.”

“Aw, c’mon, Mr. Stark. That’s breaking the rules. I have to stick to something for a complete 24 hours.”

“Well, you should have thought of that before you rushed me down to the gym.”

“I was bored!” Peter defended with a squeaky lilt to his voice, “I wanted a change of scenery.”

“Well, you got it. Now stick to something else for the 10 minutes it takes me to shower. It’s not technically cheating your experiment, and I won’t tell Shuri if you don’t.”

“Fine,” Peter grumbled.

Tony rolled his eyes and backed himself up to the far wall in his bedroom. Peter’s limbs slowly detached from him and he pulled away, rolling his shoulders and turned to look at the pouting child. It was hilarious.

“Ooh, feels good,” Tony joked, giving an exaggerated stretch to his free arms and shoulders, “no spiderkid to carry around.”

Peter glared at him, and Tony grabbed clean clothes before retreating into the bathroom to take his shower.

***

Hour eleven rolled around and it was nearly two in the morning. Peter was slouching against him again, and Tony was back at it in his workshop. He was used to long binges with days without sleep, so it wasn’t a very big change of pace for him. The only problem that arose was his need to sit on the dual stool every hour or two to rest his back. He swears there will be muscles he never even knew existed sprouting soon. Pepper was sure going to have some fun with that.

Peter fell asleep almost right at the halfway mark and Tony was only slightly impressed by the spidery powers still going strong. By then he was already used to the constant contact, and he was honestly becoming quite curious as to how long the kid was able to stick to something, and he wasn’t about to give up when they were already halfway through. Peter just slouched against him again, arms wrapped over his shoulders, and chin digging into the space joining his neck and shoulder while Tony was standing in front of the holographic screens. When he sat in the stools, the kid would almost melt down his back. His arms fell from his shoulders and wrapped beneath his arms, across his chest, and his cheek found its spot against his spine.

He slept for a good straight 3 to 4 hours before Tony accidentally woke him with a loud bang. He’d dropped a heavy piece of machinery, startling both him and the kid from his sleep. He scrambled in surprise just enough to have Tony himself pitching forward at the sudden misdistribution of their combined weight. He braced himself against one of his lab tables while Peter calmed down. Then the kid apologized profusely before Tony was sitting back in the stool, coaxing him back to sleep, and soon the soft purr-like humms were back to vibrating against his back.

At hour sixteen, Peter was still asleep, and Tony was ready for breakfast. It was seven in the morning, which meant Steve was up and already cooking. So Tony thought it would be the perfect time to sneak up and steal two platefuls before all the food disappeared.

He opened his mouth wide to release a big yawn as he stepped out of the elevator onto the main floor. Then glanced around at the random placement of his teammates lounging comfortably in the large room.

“Good morning Stark!” Thor boomed loudly, startling Tony out of his wits and causing Peter to stir momentarily against his back.

“Shhh,” Tony urged angrily, pressing an index finger to his lips. “The kid’s sleeping. Hush.”

The admittance drew the attention of everyone else in the room, and they all turned to stare.

He had to admit… it must have been an odd sight. They’d only met Peter a handful of times, and none of them knew about his spider-powers yet. What an odd sight indeed.

“Is that-is that um... Peter?” Steve questioned warily, raising an eyebrow suspiciously as Tony rounded the counter and approached the mountain of food the man had cooked up.

“Yep, he’s testing out an experiment right now. Leave him alone, he’s asleep, and he’s quiet. It’s peaceful.”

“You’re just… um… carrying him around on your back?” Clint questioned from his perch on the counter.

“Yeah. Got a problem with it?” Tony snarked without looking away from the coffee pot he was tampering with.

“Nope,” Clint hurriedly defended, “no problem.”

“Great. Be a pal and fix him a big ol’ plate, huh Cap?” Tony instructed, piling on the eggs and bacon onto his own plate before shovelling it into his mouth.

“Uh-uh yeah sure.”

By the time Steve was done fixing the plate, Tony had already cleared his. He traded with the supersoldier, shoving his newly dirtied plate into his confused hands, and grabbing both the plate and mug of coffee before turning to exit the room.

“Hey, Tones,” Rhodey called nonchalantly from the Dining table, as if the sight of a child stuck to the genius’ back was a completely normal appearance. And considering the odd things Rhodey’s caught them doing in the past, this really wasn’t very outlandish. “When are you free from the kid’s experiment. DC wants me and you for a quick debrief this evening.”

“I’m off at 3:07 I think.”

“Great, meeting at 5 then. Don’t forget.”

Tony shot him a mock salute before scampering over to the elevator with Peter still peacefully asleep on his back.

***

Peter finally awoke at hour eighteen. It was a slow process.

Tony first noticed the wiggling and slight stretching about 10 minutes before he actually awoke. Then, he heard the distinct sound of smacking lips and annoyed grunts as he attempted to stretch his limbs, which led to him knocking the screwdriver out of Tony’s hand a couple times. Soon, the kid was sighing and nuzzling his face into his shoulder blade to hide from the morning light.

“Welcome back to the land of the living kid,” Tony laughed, taking a seat on his stool.

“Hng,” Peter grumbled irritatedly.

Not a morning person apparently.

***

Peter wasn’t fully awake and ready to start the day until hour nineteen. He devoured the food Tony left out for him using one hand and he immediately jumped back into his excitable, talkative self once food was in his belly.

“What time is it now Mr. Stark?”

“We’re still going strong at 19 hours kiddie if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“So, only five more hours then?”

Tony could have sworn he sounded sad, but his ears were probably just playing stupid tricks on him again.

“Yep, five more hours until we’re both free.”

Peter just rested his chin on top of Tony’s head, curled against his back, watching as the man messed around with the holographic images in front of them, coffee in one hand, and his tablet in the other. Peter put in his input where it was needed, and the small project kept them both occupied for another hour or so.

***

By hour 21, Peter was bored again, and Tony wasn’t having it.

“C’mon Mr. Stark,” he whined, “pleeaaasse?”

“No,” Tony snapped with an air of finality, “I’m already letting you cling to me for a straight 24 hours. I am not going to run around like an idiot and give you a freaking ‘legit piggyback ride’. You’re fifteen not five, now shush and let me do my work.”

“Whatever Dad,” Peter sassed, rolling his eyes. He plopped his chin on the man’s shoulder and pouted for a good ten minutes while Tony worked.

“Oh my god. Fine!”

“Yes!”

***

Everyone probably thought he was crazy, for sure. It was time for lunch already, and Peter was fully awake, excited and completely jittery. He was practically vibrating, and Tony knew because he could feel it. The vibrations were reverberating against his chest and he could almost feel himself get a bit nauseous at the constant motion.

He’d admit they were eating lunch fairly late… but Peter had had a late breakfast, so at 2:00, they were both ready for a proper meal.

And it just so happened that everyone decided to be lazy that day and hang around reading, drawing or… apparently playing go fish?

Peter didn’t seem to notice the mass of nosey ears that tuned into their conversation when they entered. He rambled on about his recent science adventures in Chem class and the ridiculous questions that were brought up in his Calc class, and Tony nodded along.

“Still going at it I see?” Natasha smirked, looking up from her book to smile warmly at the pair.

“Woah! Hey!” Peter’s eyes bugged out when he saw the group on the couch. “What’s up guys?”

Tony rolled his eyes and started shuffling into the kitchen, wincing at the uncomfortable pinch that had developed in his lower back. He only had another hour to go though, so he could deal with it.

“Hi Peter,” Natasha responded, her mischievous grin growing along her face. Tony glared at her, but Peter seemed indifferent to it, throwing himself right back into his in depth explanation about Ned’s new Lego Star Wars set. Completely oblivious to the fact that it might be considered a little weird for a fifteen year old intern to be getting what looked to be a ‘piggy-back’ ride from his mentor.

Tony swore the team didn’t stop staring.

***

“3:07” Tony announced quickly, “off you get kid.” He rolled his shoulder a bit for emphasis.

Peter grumbled as he slowly climbed off of the man’s back, and Tony moaned happily at the release of tension.

“Don’t sound so happy about it, geez.” Peter sounded offended as he stretched his own limbs.

“Oh please,” Tony scoffed, “I carried your weight, literally, for an entire 24 hours. Any person would be happy to weigh 70 pounds less.” He rolled his neck around in a slow circle, then bent his back backwards to stretch out the muscles. “You coulda started me out at just an hour or two at least before dumping the entire 24 hour pack on me. Goodness kid, I’m gonna feel this all week.”

“Sorry.” Peter actually sounded a bit sheepish.

Tony turned around to look at the apologetic kid wringing his hands together while he stared down at his socked feet.

“I-I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“Don’t sweat it kid,” Tony smiled reassuringly, “I’d go through a lot more for the sake of a dare… or science.”

“Dare?” Peter asked confusedly, cocking his head to the side.

Tony narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. “Yes… Shuri’s dare… the whole reason you had to stick to me instead of something normal or reasonable... like a wall.”

“Oh,” Peter muttered, eyes widening, “oh yes! Of course! I don’t know how I forgot.”

“Sure,” Tony muttered suspiciously. “Now, why don’t you go skedaddle and go share your findings with your pal. I’ll vouch for you if you need it.”

“Oh! Yeah, okay, sure!” Peter stumbled, grinning slightly as he scampered out of the room with a quick wave and shout of ‘thanks’.

***

Tony didn’t find out the whole truth until weeks later after the effects of the incident had worn off his back and shoulders.

He had called Shuri for some input on his new suit design, and somehow the subject of Peter had come up.

“So, did you feel good sticking a 70 pound kid to my back for a whole day?” Tony joked offhandedly for sake of conversation while he inputted variables into his suits coding.

“Excuse me? What nonsense are you talking about this time Stark?” She questioned incredulously.

Tony blinked and turned to stare at the screen.

“The experiment… the dare,” he responded slowly, studying her face for any flicker of recognition. “The experiment to find out how long Peter can stick to something… a week ago.”

Shuri’s face lit up at that. “Oh that! The one where he dared himself like an idiot? I swear he is such a dork,” Shuri laughed a little before looking back at the screen. “Where did he stick? A wall? The ceiling? I’m curious; he wouldn’t tell me the details.”

Tony slowly processed. Then his face hardened and his gaze snapped over to the overturned backpack slung across the kid’s designated desk.

“That little brat… he coulda just asked.”

So, this one was lots of fun!! Thanks for reading! And thank you again @irondadbingo for the bingo card! :)