#social media is a bit dumb like the food im making is to EAT not to look at stop making food pretty but not tasty | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sohlaelwaylly · 3 years

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OKAY SO! here's some interesting things that ive learned about sohla on Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness: How Did You Develop Such Amazing Taste? with Sohla El-Waylly

Sohla doesnt like to think of herself as an expert, she just likes to keep learning. [and then jvn told her that she SHOULD see herself as an expert]

Also sohla doesnt think shes cool which is so >>>>:(

Growing up, people thought of her as super weird because she was super into her hobbies, and now her hobbies are seen as cool. It feels as though its changed overnight

Sohla used to be really embarrassed about cooking. Her mom used to throw a lot of dinner parties, and Sohla would always help out, but she didnt want her mom to tell anyone she made anything.

Deep down inside she’s still a nerd (she called herself a loser ah :(( )

Sohla grew up in the san fernando valley

She lived in the epicentre of the earthquake zone ->

When her family had just moved in to a new house just before a major earthquake and the whole house fell down. All the exterior walls cracked, all the windows broke. There are still cracks that her parents havent been able to afford to repair :(

AND her dad had a heart attack during the earthquake, and her mom had to run out and turn the gas line off on her own with the bricks falling on her, and the whole neighbourhood was concerned about them because they hadnt left their house yet and they all came together to help sohla and her family

It was an incredible moment of people coming together in the worst situations 😭😭😭

It makes you realize people are great 💕💞

Sohla was born in 1985

Sohla thinks social media has had too much of an influence and it makes learning how to cook difficult

A lot of people are stunted because of it because they are really concerned with making it look nice

TRY UGLY FOOD! Stews and braises! They’re delicious! And being forgotten

“Social media is killing the cook”

“We are worried about making food look pretty and a lot of delicious food doesnt look pretty”

Try [to make] stuff youre not gonna photograph!

Sohla’s book’s goal is for it to come out next fall but she keep falling down these rabbit holes

She’s thinking about doing a series on her instagram called sohla procastinates where she digs at things she finds interesting when shes supposed to working on her cookbook

I thought these were the most interesting bits but click the read more for some other notes i took while I was listening to the podcast! If you want to listen to it! the top notes(^) are from like the last 20 minutes ish of the episode and the notes under the cut (v) are from the first 20 ish

Jvn has been watching sohla for a while 👀

The History channel had been developing ancient recipes since last summer and reached out to her early this year to host. A lot of the recipes were already researched and planned out.

But! Ancient recipes has been picked up for another season and Sohla gets to be more involved this time. She wants to cook outside… with fire

When she heard about the show she was really excited! Finding recipes that havent changed throughout the years are really interesting

She’s really into weird stuff too lol

ie an aspic (savoury mean jello) structure that has a live fish inside

The 6 Ancient recipes episodes were shot in 2 days!!!!

Sohla really wants to make garam- ancient roman fish sauce that’s just rotten fish sauce (?) and ancient ketchup

Also roast a whole lamb over an open fire but there are permits to figure out first

Sohla doesnt really like raw squid, octopus or raw sea cucumber bc of the chew. She doesnt like thing with a lot of chew

She eat a lot of cheese! A nice washed rind-aged cheese. If you let it temper over night and slice off the top, you get instant fondue!

DONT WASH YOUR MEAT. you are spreading the salmonella everywhere and you arent killing anything!!!!

You can open your meat on a rimmed baking sheet and move it over onto a rack. And also maybe dry it off with a paper towel too

Never wash your meat and always dry your meat

Rice your potatoes for mashed potatoes so you dont over work your potatoes! Also roast them on a bed of salt first

Rigalis foods sells fancy food that can give you the eating out experience but in

Sohla’s dad worked at Taco Bell for 20 years, until sohla was 8

Sohla loves taco bell too lol. The mexican pizza was her standard order. It was a great great menu item

Masa crepe batter? to make that tacobell pizza crust?

#sohla el waylly #podcasts #transcripts #is that what i tagged it last time?#ok anon here u go!!!! sorry its late lmao but maybe if you're in the right time zone its actually perfectly one time ;)#i would definitely suggest giving it a watch i think i am ...... THINKING and crying a bit of course #shush #oh i mean listen not watch of course... yes we cannot watch this which i think is a bit of a tragedy #she talked about her funky cool wall paper but i reckon its the swoosh stuff we've seen before #ALSO like yes to the make ugly food god i love ugly food so much #social media is a bit dumb like the food im making is to EAT not to look at stop making food pretty but not tasty

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whumpurr · 3 years

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Adrien and Sawdust part 6

cw: pet whump, whump recovery, bodily mutilation, self harm, brief and vague mention of past noncon, dehumanization, conditioned whumpee, unreliable narrator, brief mention of dissociation

masterlist

Sawdust was searching for his bag the second Master was gone. He hopped out of bed, punctuated with a fit of dizziness as he got to his feet, and crawled around the room looking for his duffel bag. The bright blue bag was nowhere to be found, and Sawdust wasn’t great at seeing in the dark either.

He started to wonder, to second guess himself. Did Master put the bag somewhere in the room and Sawdust just isn’t seeing it? Is he overlooking it? Did he even have a bag at all? Did it come with him to this new house, or was it left with his previous master? No, no, he remembered seeing it next to his kennel with those other people.

If he left the room now, Master would surely hear it and question him, or worse, punish him for disturbing his sleep. As much as Sawdust wanted his ears back, he just had to trust that Master would return them in due time.

Sleeping was difficult without the familiar squeeze of his headband around his head, but with a full stomach he managed to eventually fall asleep even if it took a while.

Sunlight came all too soon for Sawdust. The light peeked through the curtains and he couldn’t physically sleep any more. He was dreading going downstairs and having to face his master, having to eat beside him. He could only imagine what his master was going to do to him. Would he record him? Bring his friends over and show him how pathetic and stupid he looked eating out of a bowl on the floor? Sawdust shook himself out of his thoughts; he was just a dog anyways, he shouldn’t have enough of an ego to be embarrassed.

He was getting himself out of bed, going down onto his hands and knees when he heard a soft knock on the door, followed by Master’s quiet voice.

“Sawdust?” Master said from the other side of the heavy wooden door. “Come on, let’s go get some food.”

Sawdust got to the door and opened it with his paw, stepping out and following Master.

Master gave him a bowl of dog food once he was downstairs. Sawdust half contemplated asking Master about his ears, but really, if Master had taken them away then it was because Sawdust did not deserve them any more.

“Master,” Sawdust murmured, “Is- is there anything your pet can- can do? To assist?”

Master looked thoughtful for a moment then laughed, laughed at Sawdust.

“I think my work stuff is a bit advanced for you,” Master took a bite of his own food, “I want you to focus on… recovery, for now. Okay? That means you rest up and come get me if you want anything, food, water, whatever.”

Sawdust nodded, “Yes, Master,” before he continued eating, the hard kibble crunching satisfyingly between his teeth. He couldn’t work up the courage to ask Master about the ears or his bag, or where they’ve gone.

Lunch and dinner went similarly, with Master coming, getting his pet, and taking him downstairs to eat. Each time Sawdust couldn’t work himself up enough to ask Master about his ears. The lack of his ears made Sawdust feel… Wrong. Like he wasn’t a real dog, like he was a subpar pet. He wasn’t good enough to this new Master who had otherwise been so kind to him. What had he done to deserve this?

Night eventually fell, and Sawdust did his best to do as Master said and get to sleep. He curled up in the nest of blankets and pillows that his Master had made in the corner for him, and let himself begin to drift off. As he was doing so, he couldn’t help but wonder why his Master was withholding his belongings from him. Nevertheless, his eyelids grew heavy, and he eventually fell into a deep sleep.

Adrien was still getting accustomed to feeding someone using a dog bowl, with dog food, on the floor. It was a strange experience, and doing it made him feel dirty, but it was all Sawdust was going to accept so if it was between that or making the pet starve again, he would have to go with the former.

He was still very aware of just how lost he was in all of this. He searched the internet and scoured his social media for something that could give him some kind of life preserver in all of this. Finally, finally, he found something. A chatroom for pet owners. From the looks of it, it was heavily moderated and geared more towards pet liberation activists, and pet rehabbers, and people who actually cared for their pets. He requested to join and was accepted within the hour. He immediately sent a message to the ‘help’ section.

Adrien: >> Hey guys, I’m a new owner and I didn’t do as much research as I should have. >> Long story short, I didn’t keep as close an eye on my pet as I should’ve, and he ended up not eating because I wasn’t giving him dog food. Is that a normal thing? How can I help him?

It wasn’t five minutes before one of the other owners responded,

1Y4N4: >> oof, thats no good dude.. definitely watch him harder and probably just stick to feeding him what he wants for now. u said hes new right? let him stay in his comfort zone for a little bit probably

Adrien: >> Thanks. I’ll do that.

1Y4N4: >> np, im a bit more experienced as an owner but i dont think mine were as conditioned as urs >> at least not in that way

Zo: >> Bro wtf? You’re the source of your pet’s whole life and shit, you really should’ve done more research.

Adrien sat and watched as this ‘Zo’ person continued to rip into Adrien for his irresponsibility, though the ‘1Y4N4’ user at least tried to defend Adrien. It wasn’t long before Zo quieted down and 1Y4N4 was able to speak up again,

1Y4N4: >> lots of actual dogs eat things that arent dog chow >> maybe show your pet some videos of people feeding their dogs other stuff, maybe hell be more open then

Adrien thanked the user, and used the rest of his evening compiling some videos and researching, finding the outer bounds of what dogs could eat in hopes that he could convince Sawdust. It was far from exactly what he wanted, but he felt some semblance of satisfaction that there was at least a way to progress forwards.

Sawdust finally came up with a plan when he was coming out of the bathroom the next morning. It was before Adrien had gotten up. As Sawdust was leaving the bathroom, he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

His hair was all matted, and the fringe at his forehead was beginning to grow to hide his eyes. He looked lacking without his ears. There were deep circles under his eyes. At least the peaks of his cheeks and his lips were starting to regain some color now that he had a steady supply of food which he undoubtedly did not deserve. The scratched scar across his nose bridge and cheek that one of the other dogs gave him was still there. He looked at that and followed it across his face to his second ears.

His dumb second ears, the ones on either side of his head that his last master hated so much. His previous master had always told him that they made him look less like a dog, less like a pet, when a pet was all Sawdust ever wanted to be. Because if he wasn’t a pet, then he was a toy for both Master and the other dogs, and that was one step above the most reprehensible thing he could be. He had been downgraded to ‘toy’ for a short amount of time previously, and he was eternally grateful that he was never dropped even lower, to being nothing but food for the other dogs.

Master threatened that sometimes, chopping him up and feeding him to the other dogs.

Whenever Sawdust looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t help imagine it. Being cut up and thrown to other animals to eat. He found some part of himself that felt that- even if he could never do anything else right- he could do that right. He tried to halt that train of thought as quickly as he could, before his mind shunted him off to some dark, foggy place where he couldn’t think or feel until the bad thoughts went away.

But at the root of those thoughts, he found the problem, as well as the solution. He scrambled down to the kitchen as fast as he could go, wanting to work quickly before he could stop himself.

He got to the kitchen sink, and stood up on trembling, unused legs. They could hardly support his weight, he had to lean onto the granite countertop with his elbows as he reluctantly removed the tape from his paws using his teeth. He would need his fingers for this.

Sawdust’s breath was quick in his throat, the edges of his vision grew blurry as he tried to focus on this and only this. He had one task and he was not going to fail it. He wanted his ears back. He wanted his master to be happy with him again. Maybe this way he could earn his master’s attention and... Maybe even his affection, if a pet was allowed to hope.

Sawdust’s paws were shaky and clumsy as they took out the biggest knife out of the wooden blog. It was heavy and cold in his paw. With one paw he held the tip of one of his second ears and pulled it as far away from his head as he could.

The cold edge of the blade rested on his skin, at the valley between his second ear and his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn’t break down now, he couldn’t stop now. He took a deep, sharp breath and pressed down on the knife as hard as his feeble paws could.

Adrien shot out of bed to the sound of a piercing, howling scream from downstairs.

taglist: @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi@neuro-whump @whump-me-all-night-long @cupcakes-and-pain @whumpzone @whumpcreations @dancinglifeboat @pinkraindropsfell @looptheloup @cowboy-anon @meetmeinhellcroutons @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @firewheeesky @maracujatangerine

#whump #whump recovery #pet whump #whumpee #whump scenario #whumpblr #whump community #whump writing #whump blog #adrien and sawdust #my writing #whump fic #whump story #pet whumpee

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9tzuyu · 3 years

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dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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binunus · 3 years

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college bf!jinjin

a/n yes yes yes 100x yes, here's the next installment of the college bf!astro series hehe, hope you enjoy it love 😙

{request: Would it be possible to get a college boyfriend Jinjin too?? I super loved the Bin one you did!!!! Thank you in advance 💜}

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ word count: 3k

_________________________________________

alright theydies

jinwoo–like everyone else in astro–makes me hella hard and soft at the same time so this is gonna be fun

major: music engineer technology

i saw that one ddoca where he was directing all the members for his song and just !!! grr bark bark

literally a fucking sweetie

one of the kindest people you will ever meet in your life

his face is so gentle, especially when he smiles

and then you hear his voice and you're like woah why is it so deep and raspy hey

and then he laughs or giggles and you're like ahh that looks more like you hehe

roommates with university famous dancer!rocky bc i love rap line

such a good roommate and hyung omg

will always make sure rocky eats dinner or takes a shower before going to bed even though he’s exhausted from dance practice or whatever

always shows off how talented rocky (and the rest of the boys) is

very chill

which is a bit of a surprise to everyone bc one of his best friends is literally myungjun

anyway, how do you two meet??

you're a vocal performance major

coincidentally, the same major as myungjun

oh god so you can bet he really played matchmaker for you two

you and myungjun were doing a duet together for one of your final projects during your second year

and you two were joking around like

damn, we should record this, we sound pretty fire

*cue myungjun immediately calling jinjin*

mj: ARE YOU AT THE STUDIO?? ARE YOU FREE RIGHT NOW??

jin: hyung why are you yelling it's literally 6 pm

anyway, it was spontaneous but you and myungjun end up going to one of the recording studios in the music building where jinwoo very often frequents at

you're like a bit shy, like wtf myungjun you didn't tell me that your friend was cute?? you would have worn something better than sweats and a tank

jin's so nice ugh, just imagine him smiling at you as he introduces himself

literally you melted

his fit? bucket hat, glasses, shorts and a tee

it was so casual, but why did he look so cute??

myungjun convinces jinwoo to let you guys record in the studio

it took him just 10 minutes to set up the equipment and everything

you were just looking at him like ooo looks so professional

sksksk im gross

myungjun goes first bc you were nervous

and yeah duh he was a natural, but you couldn't help but admire jinwoo in his prime

he looked so attractive in the producer chair just like instructing mj in the booth

he didn't even know what kind of song you guys were singing, but he directed him so smoothly so that the best parts of myungjun's voice came out

mj joking around: why's your mouth open, y/n? amazed at my voice?

you roll your eyes: sure if that's what you want to believe

your thoughts: ah haha i was totally not oogling your best friend myungjun, totally not

and then it was your turn to go in the booth

you don't know why, but you were hella nervous singing in front of them–or more so, in front of jinwoo

which is dumb bc you're literally a vocal performance major, you sing in front of strangers all the damn time

but you really wanted to impress him for some reason??

okay, you had no reason to be nervous because as soon as you opened your mouth?? jinnie?? literally awestruck

he's heard a lot of singers, obviously bc he's had to record so many of them

but you?? your voice?? a literal siren for him–but in a good way!

your singing entranced him

and then you looked out of the booth to see him just staring at you and your throat went dry

your voice cracked, you've never felt more embarrassed in your life

you: ah! oh my God I'm so sorry, that was horrendous

myungjun's laughing at you, what a nice duet partner

but jin just smiles bc you're whining and hiding your face in your hands

you were so cute??

jinwoo: it's okay y/n, you were doing really good. let's try that again, okay?

he was so sweet about it, ugh you were blushing

you end up recording again, and this time you made the smart decision to close your eyes and just try and focus on the lyrics

and shit, if jinjin wasn’t already a bit interested in you before, he definitely was now

because the way you looked completely immersed in the song and lyrics

his heart skipped like ten miles i dont know

myungjun just knew from the way jinwoo was staring at you

you didn’t get his number from the first meeting

bitch you were too shy, you just squeaked out a “thank you, hope myungjun and I weren’t too much of a bother”

jin: hyung’s always a bother, but you were totally fine

mj: hey!

anyway you leave with a bit of regret, like you should have at least gotten his snapchat or social media or something

or make a dumb excuse to try and see him again

ah but mj was already ten steps ahead of you and jinjin ;)

when you get back to your apartment, there’s a text from myungjun like

“come back to jinwoo’s studio tomorrow for the final mix of our duet”

you immediately jump at the opportunity: okay! what time?

damn could you be any more obvious??

this time you actually tried to look cute, like you were going to see jinwoo again, you couldn’t look like a rat

you get to the studio at the time myungjun told you and you’re like?? oh it’s just jinwoo here?? maybe myungjun’s running a bit late??

jinwoo: oh hey y/n! wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon

you: ???? myungjun told me to come here to listen to the final mix...

jinwoo being shy: he didn’t tell me about that haha

you’re embarrassed, about to turn on your heel and book it

maybe also thinking of murdering myungjun on the way back to your place

but then jinwoo grabs your wrist before you could leave

and you literally felt a spark at his touch, it made you jump a little bit

jin: you can stay if you want–I mean, you came all this way already, I’d be a bit of jerk if I just make you leave

you: I-uh-don’t wanna intrude

he just shakes his head with a smile: you’re not, don’t worry. besides, I’m actually working on your song right now, you can tell me what you think

and that’s how you end up hanging out with jinwoo alone in the studio

you were obviously very awkward and nervous at first

what do you say to him? should you ask him questions? what if you’re bothering him? god you don’t want to sound like an idiot

jinwoo noticed your nervousness––and yes he was nervous too, but he just hid it better than you

he hands you a pair of headphones: here, listen to what I have done so far

you’re like pleasantly surprised??? you and myungjun sound so professional?? like damn put this out on spotify or something

you’re smiling and jinwoo just feels like a huge sense of relief like phew okay you like it so far

and then you two just get to talking while he’s still mixing

you ask him how he got into music and his major and all that fun stuff

you find out that jin’s always loved music and the actual producing aspect of it, he hopes to be a music producer one day and he just flirts with you like

“hey maybe one day you can sing my songs on stage”

and you’re like ??? me???

jin: you have one of the best voices I’ve ever heard, it would be an honor for me

ugh jinwoo stop im blushing

you two end up ordering food and eating at the studio bc he promised himself that he wouldn’t leave until he finished your duet and you didn’t wanna leave him alone tf

you and jinwoo exchange numbers this time hehe

before you leave, he’s like “this was nice y/n, you should come over and keep me company more often :) if...you want of course”

you: i’d be happy to! just text me any time :)

internally you’re screaming like yes !!

you can bet that you start spending a lot of your free time with jinwoo in the music studio

sometimes it’s just you two

sometimes myungjun and their other friends make appearances too

and that’s how you get introduced to their friend group

myungjun to either of you: you’re spending a lot of time with jin/yn lately ;)

about a month after meeting each other, jinwoo asks you out on a date

with the encouragement of astro

it was all expected let’s be honest

cliche first date at the movies, but like you both loved it

wouldn’t be surprised if astro was spying on you two, sitting like a couple rows behind and watching your every move

but shhh if they did, you and jinwoo didn’t notice

the transition from liking each other → going on dates → making it exclusive went so smoothly

you and jin were hooked on each other after the first couple meetings that it just seemed so right

myungjun will never stop saying that he’s the reason why you two are in a relationship

you and the other boys grow very fond with each other–particularly sanha

and that was important for jinwoo bc the guys are like his family and it’s basically a dream for him that his partner and friends are close too

sanha is his child do not @ me

so by osmosis, sanha becomes like your baby too

the two of you literally coddle sanha, it’s cute okay

they all go to you and jin for relationship advice sksksk

bc to them, you two just seem so made for each other :’)

the !! sweetest !! most perfect !! boyfriend

will walk you to class in the morning even if his class is all the way across campus

and you’re like: jinwoo it’s okay, i can see you after this class, you might get late!

jin being pouty: i just wanna spend more time with you :(

im in love with jinjin

loves holding your hand, even when you two are in the studio and he’s mixing something for class or just for fun, he’s still holding your hand

whenever he makes a composition, you’re the first person he shows

really values what you think of his work

vice versa, when you have a song you need to sing, you always ask him to listen to you first

you don’t sugarcoat with each other when it comes to music

will ask you to sing literally all the time

jinwoo gives the best hugs :’)

it’s just so comforting, one of his hands strokes your hair, while the other one rubs your lower back

you know what kind of picture im creating?? yeah

ooooof baby you go with him when he gets his tattoos

you hold his hand through it the entire time even though he probably didn’t feel much pain from it

and like his big ass chest tattoo??? are you drooling??? 1000%

when jinwoo realizes that you get ??? turned on?? by his tattoos, you bet he begins to walk around shirtless in your apartment

is this my transition to down and dirty? yes it is

your first time with him was mmm rough and it’s all thanks to that chest tattoo

you and jinwoo have been steamy before, like makeout sessions and dry humping, and oral (both receiving), but the actual action of fucking? y’all haven’t done it before that night

ofc he’s being a little tease and walking around shirtless

he was always touching you though, not explicitly, but like say you were washing the dishes, he would walk past you and brush his hand passed your waist and he’d whisper in your ear like: sorry baby excuse me

and like he’s done this the whole day so just at one point you lose it and literally push him against the wall and start making out with him

ah he knew you were gonna crack

and god you were so turned on at this point that you were not having any of that soft shit, like you needed him to fuck you asap

jinwoo fucks you so hard your first time together that you couldn’t walk the next day

hehe

oh boy he likes to bite

yes he’s the sweetest, but in the bedroom?? lowkey a bit of a masochist

it’s okay bc you don’t mind a little bit of pain ;)

daddy!! kink!! i dont make the rules

will call you baby girl/boy

he’s the dom, like will very rarely let you dom him

very private with your sex life, you won’t catch him teasing you in public with other people around

and if you try, like say if you whisper daddy in his ear or something while you are hanging out with the guys, oof it’s gonna be a rough night for you

alright but studio sex

has he recorded your moans before?? or you two having sex in the booth?? yes

debatably, studio sex happens more than bedroom sex, but that’s only because most of jinwoo’s time is literally in the music building

jinwoo dirty talk !! with his sexy ass raspy voice !!

ugh jin moaning in your ear what a good girl/good boy you are for him while he’s just fucking you

will slightly degrade you?? like yes you are his cocksleeve

but he also praises you a lot during sex too

ooh you better hope you don’t have a gag reflex bc he’s all into throat fucking

favorite position is actually missionary, believe it or not

he loves seeing you come undone for him

eye contact during sex?? yes

like he will make sure you’re looking at him when you cum, periodt

favorite place to cum is your face oops

also very much into cockwarming

most of the time, your sessions are rough just bc your vibes are like that

but when they’re soft and slow?? and like making love??

literally the most passionate man ever

jin makes it all about you and your pleasure when he’s being gentle

after care is full of kisses and cuddles and I love yous

always makes sure you drink water after having sex

stay hydrated kids

and jinwoo’s back to being the bestest boyfriend :’)

first i love you was when you two were in bed together

you both just woke up and were cuddling

jin was watching the video you sent him of you practicing this one song for an upcoming performance

and you were still drowsy, so you were literally drifting in and out of sleep while he was listening to your video

and jinwoo was just awestruck, he’s always been in love with your voice from the get go, but the way you executed this song? even though it was just practice? his chest was constricting

you’re like mumbling when the video stops: i still need to work more on the bridge, my tone gets a bit flat during it, right?

and he just smiles softly at you even though your eyes are closed and you can’t see him

he thought it was perfect already, you were perfect already

and he just calls your name: y/n

you: hmm??

jin: I love you

and suddenly you’re awake and meeting his eyes

they were so genuine and serious and full of love, you don’t even hesitate to say it back

honestly not the jealous type, he’s so patient and trusting and knows that you’re crazy about only him

will constantly reassure you about any of your insecurities: body, voice, school, your relationship, anything

jinwoo just has such a calming aura around him that you can’t help but feel like, as long as he’s by your side everything will be okay

the two of you have many deep talks together, especially at night before going to sleep, it’s what makes your relationship so solid

jinwoo just knew that he wanted to marry you, even early on into your relationship

there was no one that supported him more in his dreams, no one that he’s ever truly felt connected with, no one that he’s shared all his deepest fears with than you

and like after a year of dating like he couldn’t picture a future without you in it

he’s a romantic :’)

shortly before graduating, he makes a song about you and he’s actually singing in it

ugh main vocal jinjin rise

and he shows it to you in the music studio where you first met

and it’s about how much he loves you and admires you and treasures you

basically a proposal but not really

and you’re so touched, like literally moved to tears because it was so beautiful

and lowkey he was cringing at hearing his singing voice but you still loved it nonetheless

and afterwards, jinwoo was like: I wanna spend the rest of my life with you y/n, I’m not asking you to marry me right now, obviously I’ll propose to you in a better way in the future, but I’m serious about you and I can’t imagine being with anyone else.

you jump into his lap and kiss him and just keep saying I love you in between kisses

and jinwoo’s all smiley and giggly like: do you feel the same??

and you hit his arm all jokingly, yes of course you do

you just sit on his lap and he’s hugging you while the two of you are listening to more of his projects and jinwoo’s just thinking like wow I love this person so much

maybe the two of you do owe it to myungjun for playing matchmaker

i guess mj can be the best man at your wedding

y’all this was so soft??

but yes jinnie’s the best bf/husband material out there

im in love with him

_________________________________________________

2-8-21

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ayzrules · 3 years

Text

10 Signs That You’re in an Ayz Novel/Project/Writing Collab/Rp/~Thing~

tagged by @homesteadchronicles <3! tysm for tagging me - i love these things!!!

1. SILK & STEEL MOTIFS - [ mai, rowena, camila (ish), all of proper young killing machines! ] ever since i was 14-15 and obsessing over book!sansa / book!margaery, and only enhanced by my gail carriger phase. maybe it has to do with the fact that i’m too lazy to ever get into a physical fight myself? LMAO but i love writing snakey political girls who don’t really do ~fighty~ stuff but absolutely are plotting something and will manipulate/backstab their way to getting it. and ofc they hide all of that behind perfect manners & designer gowns & high heels ;D. normally about working with the system & bending it to their advantage for w/e reason (revenge is pretty common lol), not necessarily destroying the system & making something new/better. which segues into:

2. ICE QUEEN TROPES - [ izzy, mari, yinmei ] i first started writing these girls as a direct foil to #1; i would say characters in both of these categories are just as ruthless as each other, but #2 are more obvious/overt about it and v v v blunt. instead of working with & manipulating the system, these girls tend to be the type to just break it apart with a sledgehammer, hahahha. sub-category/spinoff being the too-old/tired-for-your-shit-so-pls-fuck-off kind of vibe ;DDD

3. THE VERY MEAN VERY TERRIBLE GIRL W QUESTIONABLE MORALS IS A MAIN POV AND ALSO MY FAVORITE AND NO I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE - [ tess + camila, kyvana, tselvya aka the murder princess trio of lay them to rest ] ummmmm no excuse except i might be not 100% straight lmfaoooooooo. i just can’t resist ruthless amoral girls in flouncy ruffles & floral frocks ok next (!)

4. TREE-HUGGING SHIT / POETRY IN NATURE - [ verdínqa, dulcifera, of daisies & ddt, a bit of run devil run ] i’m an envi sci nerd & study something similar w my degree program so no surprise :D ever since high school i’ve been into subverting the light = life & darkness = death trope, just after learning about shit like eutrophication & hypoxic waters etc where growth/a surplus actually leads to death, and sort of the belief that death in nature isn’t inherently bad for the entire system (ecocentric holism & alla’ that). and also a point that’s been driven home countless times by lectures, talks, books, webinars, what have you - the earth as just a planet will be fine even w all the anthropogenic shit going on, it’s humans who will be fucked. so that makes its way into my work a ton!

5. REINCARNATED QUEEN BEES - [ jenny, chae ] idk there’s just something so iconic about that aesthetic. zombie girls in chanel & luisa beccaria ya feel. the absolute vanity/arrogance/haughtiness of your typical hs movie rich bitch TM meets oh shit im not really alive and also eating brains is gross (i once googled human brain nutrition facts. quora saved a girl but also my search history is wack lmfao)..... yea! :kermitdab:

6. DITZY PINK SIDEKICK WHO IS ACTUALLY PRETTY BOOKSMART - [ steph, lea, lyra ] to (sort of) go with above, i like writing the bubbly girly girls who can throw front tucks and scorpions and double arabians like nobody’s business but also aren’t your stereotypical ‘dumb cheerleader’ trope; they’re just thought of as ditzy because of how nice/sweet/outgoing they are. also 3/4 times they drive crusty mom vans. yes this is me projecting my own driving experience no i will not change

7. SARCASTIC IDIOT MEME QUEENS - [ chrissy, inferna/vicky, angie ] always obsessed with memes, usually obsessed with food/sbux, kpop, or both. these girls are fun to write bc it’s like, 2 brain cells and they’re all devoted to simping for girl groups or copping free food deals (yes i make them all blackpink fans yes i am basic no i do not accept criticism) which is just #same. usually tend to be pretty scathing & hotheaded, also with a bit of a too-tired-for-this-pls-fuck-off energy ;D and that’s highkey my entire internal dialogue so like..... :kermitdab:

8. GLITTER + GORE / MURDER PRINCESSES - [ robot unicorn attack & its spinoff ‘rua: guts & glory’, proper young killing machines, lay them to rest, this new hyper-girly pokemon yugioh-esque collab w loml <333 ] traditionally “”””””””girly/feminine”””””””” aesthetics meets murder/other very dangerous activities you should not try at home!

9. FACETIOUS REFERENCES TO RL - [ gem quest, robot unicorn attack, lay them to rest, other things im prob forgetting ] basically i’m super facetious and also a clown and i like to poke fun at stupid things in my own life hahahah. gem quest is very modern meme culture meets high fantasy fairyland (& it was a collab with fanfan! so literally just my aes meets hers ;DDDDD) in the way i wrote it (references to twilight, phineas & ferb, kpop, other memes in the fairytale setting basically); robot unicorn attack is allllll about that petty celeb drama (just with a glitzy cyberpunk backdrop & also unicorns) LMAOOO & it does have tons of similarities to the kpop industry! & lay them to rest - aka murder princess aesthetic heaven - has me pulling out shit like ‘picstagram’ and ‘versacci’ (versace + gucci lol i’m so lame). one of the murder-y girls is a social media influencer/beauty guru. yeah!!

& last but not least-

10. MORE AESTHETIC THAN PLOT - [ insert everything i’ve ever written ] look i can NEVER come up with coherent plot lines WHATSOEVER but at least my pinterest is popping & my prose is all overly detailed descriptions of dresses & flowers LOL

tagging: @bebemoon @vampirkaninchen @morningstar1399 @now-on-elissastillstands @atimefordragons @tudorgirl @lend-your-lungs-to-me @bulletgirl @unholieds @artless-whimsy @interluxetumbra @clarienanaberry << sorry i cant splel ur writeblr @n-eusex + anyone who sees this & wants to do it!!! <3 <3 <3

#my stuff #my writing #TYSM FOR THE TAG THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN

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azrielsribbon · 4 years

Text

Quarantining with the Crows!

well two of the crows.

——————————————————————————

“...The Governor’s office has stated that they will be having a live conference, held around five-thirty tonight, addressing the frequently asked questions pertaining—”

The TV correspondent’s voice cut off eruptly as Kaz switched back to his Netflix home screen. This stupid virus was driving him insane. He had been cooped up, in his shared apartment for the past two weeks except for when he went out for groceries.

Beside him, his phone lit up. His brother didn’t know what to do with his time other than annoy him. Begrudgingly, Kaz picked it up to see what he wanted this time.

[Jordie]: I was just thinking. How is that you’ve been inside for two weeks and still haven’t made a single move on your roommate? 3:10 pm

[Kaz]: Because not all of us need to live up to some playboy rule book. 3:11 pm

Jordie is typing...

Read 3:11 pm

Smirking, Kaz went onto his social media. If it hadn’t been for Zenik’s persistence, he wouldn’t have even bothered but he couldn’t get her to shut up about it. But it was mostly the threat she had made about mentioning some things about him to Inej.

Her excuse behind forming a groupchat on literally everything had been something about needing another platform to send them memes. Whatever it was.

The muted Crows groupchat was blowing up, with Nina and Jesper arguing, per usual. Seemingly, the more they stayed inside the more chaotic the chat got.

[talldarkandhandsome_]: look im just sayin nutella crossiants arent that good when you dip em into ur tea

[waffleenthusiastic_]: fahey what would you know about taste?

[talldarkandhandsome_]: just because u got lucky with matty doesn’t mean u can overuse that statement, zenik. i have lots of taste.

[matthiashelvar]: lucky?

[wylanvansunshine]: i s thise ninas way of callings me uglie

[talldarkandhandsome_]: babe did u turn on voiceover again

[waffleenthusiastic_]: wyLan nO. jes is just mad i have proper tastebuds, he still thinks lime green ontop of dark green is a fashion statement.

[talldarkandhandsome_]: kaz stop lurking we have read notif on

[matthiashelvar]: demjin is here?

Rolling his eyes, Kaz left the chat and moved onto his twitter. While he was mindlessly scrolling, someone put a mug on the coffee table. Hot chocolate. No whip cream. His favorite from when he was a child.

He didn’t have to look up to know the person who smelled like fresh spring bottled up. Jasmine and Lavender. Her signature shampoo, the smell of it still fresh in their apartment from her post workout shower.

He wouldn’t admit it out loud but the smell of her soaps and odd candles always put him at ease, especially during the depth of their exam seasons and the odd jobs they took. It was a reminder of how she was always there, present.

“How many episodes did you binge without me?” Inej said as she sat down on the other side of the couch. He glanced up. She was in one of his old shirts that came down to her knees, her leggings underneath them.

“The whole season.” A lie, and she probably knew that too, from the unwatched episodes and the abandoned remote. He never could watch their shows without her around.

She hummed as she took a sip from her mug and swiped the remote from beside him, scrolling around a bit for a show to watch.

He discreetly continued to watch her from the corner of his eye. He was a thief, not just of material but of opportunity. He had never been caught to this day and certainly didn’t plan on it anytime soon.

“Why is the groupchat blowing up?”

“Something about Jesper not liking nutella crossiants in his tea.” He replied, keeping his eyes on her.

“Leave it to them to discuss food preferences when they’re out of things to do.” She mused, finally clicking on a show. “Do you want to order out or attempt to make something without burning the house down?”

“Order out. Mediterranean or Thai?”

“Definitely mediterranean. Your regular?”

“Yeah, I’ll get the number.” He moved to get up but she beat him to it him.

“My wallet’s on the counter.”

She waved him off. “I’ll cover it this time. You got the last couple orders.”

“Use my card, Ghafa, or I won’t eat the food. I will check my account.”

“What a big baby.” She shook her head. “Then I’ll get groceries when we’re out.”

Kaz didn’t bother to reply. He knew that when it came time for a run to the store, he’d still end up paying.

It’s not that Inej couldn’t pay for things, he just didn’t want her to.

His phone buzzed.

[Jordie]: Don’t get defensive. These playboy rules got me a girl. 3:21 pm

[Kaz]: Let’s hope they help you keep her. I am jealous of Kate, she can get rid of your ugly face anytime. 3:22pm

[Jordie]: Keep saying that, ungrateful brat. You should be praising the looks you didn’t win in the genetic lottery. I’m sure Inej would think the same. What are you waiting for anyways? Some guy to come in and take her away? She’s got looks. 3:24pm

He knew that too. Inej wasn’t ugly. She was far from it, and he wasn’t dumb enough to not notice the looks from guys—and girls, when they were out together.

He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bring himself to admitting that he did like her. He wasn’t ready for that.

Inej came back into the room after a couple of minutes, letting her hair out of its braid. He liked it when she let it loose around the apartment. Ebony waves glossed and complimented her beautiful complexion.

She caught the sight of him. “Have you heard from your brother?”

Kaz groaned. “When haven’t I heard from the bastard? You’d think he’d spend his time trying to seduce Kate.”

Inej let out a laugh. There’s the laugh, he thought.

“I’m sure Kate’s tired of him. When does he plan on finally proposing?”

“Sometime after the virus ends. If it ends. His original plan got postponed.”

Inej opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by the doorbell. “I’ll get it, you rest the leg.”

He watched her until she went out of his view. Nothing could change the way he’d feel for her. But he also knew nothing would change when it came to Inej liking him. He knew that he pressed her buttons very often. She didn’t see him more than a friend.

A friend who you borrow shirts from, a friend you spend your Friday nights with, a friend—

He was ok with friends. The very least, he could love her from afar and not hold her back from anything she deserved. Inej deserved someone who knew how to love. She survived too much to just end up with someone like him.

...

But what he didn’t know was that she was holding back on him as well. Every feeling, every ounce of adoration he harbored was returned.

#kanej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kaz x inej #six of crows #crooked kingdom #leigh bardugo #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #wesper #helnik

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mononyann · 4 years

Text

a while back people requested that i share some of my headcanons for certain bnha characters, so here's some of the characters that i did

Shota Aizawa

- he absolutely has at LEAST 3 cats, he spoils the heck out of them too. that's why he's always eating those gel packs... he spends too much on his cats.

- he really does love his class. and we all know honey??? u haven't expelled any of them. ur soft for them ok.

- he likes to sleep with his cats bc he gets lonely at night... he will not admit it, but he likes having someone/something there :)

- he has reuccuring nightmares about the usj attack and how he could have failed to save his students

- has a very low alcohol tolerance and often ends up getting dragged back to his apartment by mic or midnight when they go out whilst he rambles and whines the entire time

- he hates crying and tries his best to keep his emotions held in, he's only cried in front of a select few people

- he tries not to let others opinions on him rule his life and tends to block it out if someone hates him

- he doesn't know it, but he is the entirety of class 1-a's dad.

- he really likes tea, and dislikes sweets

- as you would expect, he takes his coffee black

Hanta Sero

- he really likes kpop! he stans multiple groups and really wants to attend a concert

- though he seems really chill on the outside, he's actually quite sensitive and has some self confidence issues

- he loves being around people and finds that he gets his energy from being around those he loves

- definitely into e-boy fashion, and he is open about it

- pierced his own ears at 3 am and called kaminari crying about how he screwed it up

- he actually likes to draw a lot in his free time, it's very relaxing. he puts on some nice low-fi music and draws for hours

- he hasn't had many crushes in his life and doesn't find romance to be a big issue currently, but he's open to anything

- accidentally taped his hamster to the ceiling in 2nd grade, he didn't mean to and cried for hours (the hamster was ok)

Nemuri Kayama

- she is a BRO, she likes to crack a cold one open with the boys on the weekends

- she is bisexual and thinks everyone is beautiful in their own unique ways

- most likely talks shit about her coworkers to her classes

- she thinks children are adorable and loves them, often scaring them with her enthusiasm

- very touchy, she loves hugs and will probably not pass up a chance to use you as an armrest if she has the chance

- she secretly worries about aizawa a lot and is scared that he lets the past effect him too much

- did you guys know she has a cat?!

- i like to think she and mic are like... EPIC bros, she loves to paint his nails and do his hair while gossiping with him (aizawa would NEVER let her do this to him lmao)

- she isn't a mom, but finds the idea of having her own children very nice, for now having a cat will suffice

- she enjoys trying to make all might flustered, she thinks his reactions to things are always very cute and funny (it's all in good fun!)

- she's the mom friend! though she may seem very sexual, which she undoubtedly is, she is also very caring and has a very nuturing motherly personality, she's a lot more than just fanservice !!!!!

Todoroki Shoto

- completely oblivious when it comes to love... he doesn't even understand his own crushes

- "of course you can borrow my credit card uraraka" *pulls out endeavors card which he sneakily took*

- would be the person to tell a child that their pet guinea pig didn't go to heaven and be confused when they start sobbing... like "what... don't be honest?"

- allows his friends to huddle up to his warm side when they are cold

- is confused when people show him copious amounts of love and affection

- he would beat up anyone if they tried to do ANYTHING bad to midoriya

- he wants more friends. he really is enjoying meeting new people and having some new friends at ua!

- he gives really good hugs, he doesn't try to hug you too tight, but he doesn't half ass it either, very nice and warm

- he hates his scar. like. a lot. he wants to cover it up so bad but it just doesn't work. he's afraid it'll make other people scared of him.

Shinsou Hitoshi

- loves patd! and fall out boy, a brendon urie STAN

- loves to kiss his kitties on the forehead but dreads human interaction

- he loves to squish his cats' toebeans... he takes pictures of them and posts them to his secret cat social media acc

- he is gay but doesn't know how to feel about it and/or come out, he's really nervous and doesn't trust people to accept him

- he doesn't smile often but when he does it's the cutest thing ever

- he secretly really likes deku and kaminari and is hesitant about accepting their friendship, but appreciates the gestures a lot

- he suffers with social anxiety and doesn't really know how to make friends very well??? like, in middle school people were total dickbags to him so he kinda just closed himself off and decided he was gonna like... not make friends, but now that there's nice people around him he just kind of- doesn't know how

- this is actually canon! but he feels guilty about having to manipulate people when he uses his quirk, during the 4th school briefs book he feels guilty when he overhears midoriya and ojiro talking about him using his quirk during the sports festival, and he's like "i wish ojiro would say something rude about me to show he's angry so i wouldn't have to feel so guilty about this" since ojiro showed no ill feelings towards him

Izuku Midoriya

- "hold on I'll go get a blanket!" *opens closet* *thousands of all might figurines tumble out*

- watches cat vine compilations until 2 am, than freaks out when he realizes it is 2 am

- very good with children!

- used to be very self conscious about his freckles bc of bakugou insulting them; hid them with concealer for a while until someone told him they were beautiful

- loves his momma so muchhh he would do anything for her, he likes to surprise her with small favors to see her happy

- does not understand the concept of letting people handle their own problems

- stays after to class to offer his teachers help

- he has a lot of self doubts and is still struggling to this day to come to terms with the fact that he is worthy of having one for all

- he wants to learn how to cook for his mom and friends

Kyoka Jirou

- she is a lesbian!!!!! she has a crush on momo but is completely convinced that it's unrequited

- struggled with judgmental kids in middle school because of her sexual identity and style

- gets very easily flustered by anyone complimenting her

- that one person sitting at the back of the bus with their earbuds blasting full volume

- was a GOD at guitar hero

- acts like she's fed up with kaminari's (which she can be sometimes), but truly he's one of the people she can trust the most. she secretly appreciates the way he hypes up her talents and how he really helps her through the day sometimes!

- she loves heroes so much... when she was a little girl and didn't know what to do she'd ask herself "what would my favorite heroes do!?"

- she also secretly buys hero merch but hides it in fear of her being seen as sappy

Amajiki Tamaki

- would have trouble standing up for himself but if he sees ANYONE messing with mirio he WILL throw hands

- likes to watch bob ross videos when hes feeling anxious

- he once went to a butterfly museum with his parents and cried out of joy when one landed on his nose

- leaves food out for strays in his neighborhood, ends up attracting an entire hoard of animals.

- he can paint very nicely, he began to paint after he discovered bob ross

- mirio then saw his paintings and showed the entire class to tamaki's dismay, but everyone absolutely LOVED them!!!

- every day he becomes more and more capable and sure of himself, he is still very anxious, but he's learning to open up and embrace his talents <3

- he really loves to listen to music and any time he's not around others he'll probably have earbuds in, gently swaying back and forth to whatever he has on

- nejire loves to try out new hairstyles on him, and strangely enough, tamaki lets her, he loves it when people play with his hair

Shirakumo Oboro

- shares one collective braincell with mic

- that one person that brings EVERYONE valentine treats on valentines day at school

- most likely plays ding dong ditch

- *draws stick figure* "ah yes. just like van goh" (he cannot draw)

- hates to see his friends (and even random strangers upset) and will go out of his way to do dumb things to make them smile

- probably played soccer

- he's a massive flirt and likes to believe he will become a stereotypical anime protagonist with a massive harem

- he really wants to see aizawa come out of his shell more and tries his best to encourage him to see the best in everything

- he has most likely worn a schoolgirl uniform to class once

- he's very affectionate and loves to hug his friends (even if they don't want hugs), it's his way of showing he likes people

Hizashi Yamada

- he lives off of caffeine. he is a teacher, pro hero, and radio show host, im honestly not sure how he does it

- gives out stickers when students get the correct answer in class and has class parties when they are well behaved for the semester

- just like everyone else, he has his own turmoil as well, he likes to stay busy because it prevents him from having a lot of time to dwell on the past

- he gives really good hugs, and loves to feel the touch of others, it's very comforting to him

- was probably pretty troublesome when he was very young while he learned to get control of his quirk

- overall a really happy and excitable guy, he loves being the center of attention and if he can make people happy by being what he is, that's awesome!

- he shows his appreciation for people in odd ways, but he always means good, even if his wild antics can be a bit stressful lol

- he likes to sing a lot and does it a bunch when he's alone, he can also play a lot of instruments

- he can be very serious if needed, he does often put on a persona when he's present mic

- when he's hizashi (out of hero persona) he's even more of a dork than usual, very goofy, awkward and pouty. a manchild.

OK so I reached my image limit, if u guys wanna see the rest I might post some more later PLUS feel free to request some in my asks, I don't really know how all that stuff works bc I'm kinda new to Tumblr but ILL FIGURE IT OUT

37 notes · View notes

tsukidotcom · 4 years

Text

Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

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vldsujee · 4 years

Text

Hello! ♡ Finally introducing...Sujee Eiry ! LARK lead dancer, lead vocalist and rapper! You can check her Public Profile and her Private Profile and I also gave her a Plot Page with some starter ideas! Under the cut there’s a brief of her bio,(the full thing is available here) personality and a small trivia! If you’d like to plot, just click on the heart and I’ll run to your IMs or call me on Discord ☀Sunshine#8115.

Bio Bits

Born in Busan in 1999/01/01 to a low-income family.

Signed up with KMG Ent. when she was 9 in 2008.

Her ‘best’ wasn’t enough for KMG so she ended up locked in their basement for a long time. So long that KMG stans started to make jokes about her absence in any new debut.

The jokes became a gate for free hate, harasment and mockery. She had to delete all of her social media to not see people comment awful things about and for her.

TW ANXIETY | ANXIETY ATTACK | Eating Disorders | Depressive Thoughts The situation gave her a anxiety attack, eating disorders and depressive thoughts, and being the control freak that she is, Sujee couldn’t handle not being able to supress the emotions. She knew she had to seek professional help but was afraid that this could mess up her debut END OF TW.

TW DRUGS Her solution? Self medicate. She Started to take medical drugs and other type of smaller drugs. The drugs gave her a boost in confidence and stamina and suddenly she was among the best trainees. END OF TW

Her happiness didn’t last long because someone ratted her out to the staff. They got angry and disappointed but it was her first and only strike. However they couldn’t handle having a scandal with a female idol, so they post-poned her debut...again. Got enough of it and left KMG after 7 years in december 2015 (all of sudden!).

Now she has trust issues and thinks anyone in the business is trying to get the other under the bus.

Went back to Busan only to join Summit in 2017.

Now she’s in the lineup for LARK after being a trainee for 3 years in Summit. This time nothing will happen because she learnt that people either fear you or you’ll be a target.

Personality Bits!

She’s a hardworker, control-freak and ambitious young woman.

Perfeccionist and bossy as fuck.

Has cleaning and organization OCD.

Might be a bit mean and bitchy but that’s only because she has trust issues with people.

Hobbies are reading manga, doing DIY stuff, costumizing her clothes and be a MON:STAR fan.

She doesn’t care about money or material stuff. If she was given a designer bag she probably donated it to the animal shelter or to some organization.

Sujee loves attention and praises. That’s why she’s so good at fanservice. Hates doing aegyo tho.

She’ll stop talking/hanging out with you if she sees you as a distraction.

Those few she cares for, she’ll still be her passive-agressive self but softer. She only means well uwu

Likes to think she’s a #baddie but she’s actually a huge #softie on the inside.

Misc Bits

Her little brother became deaf due to miningitis. Sujee learnt KSL so she could talk with him freely.

L O V E S animals (especially dogs). She became a non-strict vegetarian because of it and is also constantly volunteering in animals shelters.

Sujee is a boy group dance cover machine.

Is actually pretty smart and ranked in the top 10 of her school. Mostly with numbers and physics tho because she sucks learning languages (is only good in japanese and her mandarim is passable. English? She pretends it doesn’t exists).

TW: FOOD Is allergic to sacarose found in industrial food so she doesn’t eat anything industrial or bought in stores. Needless to say that she’s a picky eater. END OF TW

Can’t hold alcohol and is a dumb drunk.

Every birthday goes to get a new piercing in a peculiar place since she became 19. First time was her tongue piercing(pic) and this year she got her nipple pierced.

#musing | 𝖜𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖊 𝖉𝖔𝖊𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙 𝖉𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖞 𝖎𝖙 𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖘 #vldintro #howdy #it is I #Zero #btw #tw: bullying #tw: anxiety #tw: drugs #tw: food #tw: body dysmorphia #tw: eating disorder #tw: depressive thoughts

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giireyes · 4 years

Text

hello hello hello, i’m mini from the 6ix ! im a plant based, broke af media student that gets into one too many bus accidents when eating oranges and it’s been a hot minute since i’ve joined an rp this big, so - bare with me. also bare with my shitty gifs since i make them all from scratch. this ended up being a new muse for me so - bare with that too. i’m asking for a lot ! i’m sORRY DKFJGHDFKJGHD

emilia mernes. cis-female. she/her. ／ angel giselle reyes just pulled up blasting nada by tainy, lauren jauregui & c. tangana — that song is so them ! you know, for a twenty three year old influencer/vocalist, i’ve heard they’re really -sarcastic, but that they make up for it by being so +humble. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say karaoke nights with friends, watching the sunrise, and dancing in the middle of the street. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble !

BASICS !

Full Name: angel giselle reyes

Nickname(s): gigi, angie, gi

Age: 23

Height: 5′2 ft

Place of Birth: cordoba, argentina

Date of Birth: january 15th 1997

Zodiac sign: capricorn

Ethnicity: hispanic

Nationality: argentinian

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: bisexual

Religion: agnostic

Tattoos: a black outlined heart tattoo behind her ear

Language(s) Spoken: broken english, spanish

Accent: spanish is her first language, so speaking in english she has an accent.

Family: francisco camilo herrera de luna ( half brother ! )

FAVOURITES !

Weather: summer

Colour: orange

Music: bad bunny, vincente fernandez, camilo sesto, celia cruz, jbalvin

Movies: the princess diaries

Sport: volleyball

Beverage: moscato, or rum

Food: alfajores

Animal: sloths

BIOGRAPHY !

*** . FIRST . tw : abandonment, alcohol, drugs

angel was born in cordoba - no not in spain, but in argentina ! her parents were two teens that weren’t ready for a child, so what did they do ? they gave her away, and they decided to call her angel because she was born in a church. her relatives found this a good thing, maybe it would give her some kind of spiritual help - and in some way, maybe it did ?

through the years, she was passed between relatives, living in different parts of cordoba, until she got into her pre-teens, hitting different parts of south america. at some point she was living in mexico with her tio - and then returned back to argentina, but in buenos aires to live with her paternal abuelito. it’s funny because she knows her relatives, but she never actually ended up having a relationship with her mom and dad. they just sent money, some clothes, but never bothered to call and text. bouncing between places distracted her, but of course it always felt like something was missing.

living in buenos aires, angel started going by gigi - it was a much less masculine name than her original name, and people have already been calling her angie. gigi just fit the cake !

hennyways, she started a youtube channel, posting dancing videos of herself, that eventually led to vine, that went to youtube ---- that eventually led to tiktok. that’s right, she’s a tiktok-er, and she got really famous for being so, not just in argentina, but all around latin america.

at 21, she joined a latin american tiktok group, where they’d post videos of themselves doing dumb isht - not just that, she started posting cover videos onto YouTube as well, so while she was famous on TikTok, she was earning notice for her vocal ability that she got recognized by sony music latin and w.k. entertainment. she was signed and asked to move to miami, florida. this was a step into the american market !!

now, her lito was COMPLETELY against it. he didn’t want her to be americanized. it sounded ridiculous to him since she barely spoke english, and everything she had was in argentina. except gigi had money in the bank - so what did she do ? have this big fight with her lito, and family. she’s ambitious and she’s gonna go whether anyone said yes or no.

because of this fight - her entire family ended up disowning her. literally, she left her home after the fight, and came back to all her stuff tossed on the street. whenever she tried to go to anyone in her family, they all shut the door on her. there was no turning back, and gigi really ... didn’t have a choice at that point. she knew she was never wanted, but it hurt to know it was a reality from those you made a home with.

from that point on, gigi doesn’t talk about her family.

she did go to miami. the first flight out with whatever she could stuff in a couple bags. gigi lived in miami for about a year, staying in the united states on a work visa - so yeah, she’s not a citizen. during her time in miami, she learned a bit more english - though her accent is still very much present and a lot of things are very surprising to her in comparison to back home.

so far she has released one song with ana mena and nio garcia called el chisme. gigi still works hard on all her social media accounts while working in the studio, and constantly networking with those in the same industry as herself - even outside of it !

she moved to LA just before she turned 22, deciding she wanted to know a different place. staying in a place for too long was never her thing, but her manager thinks it’s a good idea anyway.

PERSONALITY / WHO SHE IS !

what you’ll notice when first meeting gigi is that she always smiles - she has this thing about her where even if her life really does suck - some parts of it - she tries her ABSOLUTE best to be positive, and just giving off positive vibes. i mean of course if you piss her off, different story.

if you annoy her, she’s passive aggressive - not even that, she’ll just straight up tell you you’re being annoying or something. it’d take a lot for her not to like someone - actually i lied, if you give off a bad vibe, she’d give you a look, pretend to be nice and walk away DKFJHGJDKFGH

sarcastic brat. nuff said.

gigi isn’t really aware of her “fame” which is so funny. she’ll be out, and if there are people taking photos of her, she’d be very confused, telling them something like “guys im not famous, stop.” even tho ?? sis u r thriving what do u mean ????

she gets brain farts a lot - mainly because she thinks in spanish, and has to speak in english. catch her speaking in spanish randomly forgetting the other doesn’t understand. it’s just in her personality to forget sometimes, especially if she gets super excited.

clumsy ass bitch. NUFF SAID x 100. she is the type to be talking to someone, and then find herself crashing into a door, or almost walking into a busy street.

she’s your go to if you want spontaneous fun - not just partying, but even just to hang out. you’re bored ? gigi will take you to a painting class.

she’s clumsy, not stupid ! which a lot of ppl will confuse. especially in clubs, where people will try to take advantage of her, and gi will play dumb up until she’s the one playing the game on them. a devil in an angel’s costume to pit it plainly.

she has issues, like many people ! especially because of her family. it’s a sore spot, and the only way to really forget is when she’s out in the club at night - and well, you know, all the bad things come out to play during those times. she looks to alcohol and drugs to keep her sane sometimes, even when it shouldn’t. it’s not something she talks about either, and prefers it to stay as hidden as possible due to her image being the sweet girl kinda type.

i really hate that she falls in love 14987348957439 times a day. its cos she tries to see the best in people, and then gets hurt and DKFGHJFDKJGHDF GIRL NO, UR BETTER THAN THIS. it gets her into a lot of drama, i want to push her into a door.

her happy place is by the beach when it’s quiet with a bonfire and maybe strumming an acoustic guitar. that’s where she’d go to get away from everything.

she’s never seen snow, and doesn’t know if she’d like it. so that’s something.

gigi has a fear of seagulls. they’re demons with wings. prove her wrong. i dare you.

she doesn’t like being called by her real name - not even angie. only close friends call her angie since it’s more personal. her brand is gigi, therefore prefers to be called that.

if you call her anything besides that, she may actually just punch you - doesn’t matter if she’s small !!

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW FOLKS !

i’d add a connections part, but im a hoe for everything you got. let’s brainstorm together !

#excess:intro #helloo plot with me #i will give u all the angst and hurt #and fights #and all that #😇#ok imma go make more gifs and watch gentified until then dfjgkhdfkjgh #idk if i love or hate her yet

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taylornock · 4 years

Text

how cell phones made our lives better while simultaneously ruining them

hi fam!! it’s me, again. are you tired of hearing from me? me too. that’s why I’m here to rant about social media / phone / technology. bc i hate it… but in a loving way???

everyone remembers when they got their first iPhone. seriously. why is that such a monumental moment in our lives? i can hardly remember what i felt like freshman year of high school but can pinpoint the feeling of sheer glee unwrapping my iPhone 6 in eighth grade. i have this thing that is attached to me 24/7 - when I go anywhere (even downstairs) without my phone i feel weird. that is f***ing SAD! PATHETIC. i hate feeling that dependent on what is essentially a pocket robot.

for what it’s worth - phones have done INCREDIBLE things for the world as we know it. for example, this quarantine shit has been testing all of us; and our phones are helping us get through it in so many ways. our phones let us see the faces of those loved ones we are missing, our phones provide us with stupid tik tok content to keep everything light hearted, and our phones let us check in on each other. all amazing things! when we are at school, we have instant access to our lives at home . being able to call my mom whenever i want is something i definitely abuse. “mom, I’m on my way home from Thompson right now and i think i have a brain aneurysm but my bio final is at 11am tomorrow will i make it” … an actual conversation i had with my mom at the end of freshman year. needless to say i was medicated shortly after THAT meltdown. I am such a brat that i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t text my dad and have him immediately get me the password again to our Uverse account…… god forbid i miss an episode of the bachelor. i have this phone, and that’s what i do with it? abuse its powers to ask my parents for medical advice or a password i forgot? have we lost sight of everything here?

throughout life and especially throughout quarantine… my phone is the definition of a possession that is a blessing and a curse. I’m so grateful to have the ability to bother my friends - whenever i want! the options are endless! i love keeping in touch with people i thought id never hear from again, and being able to talk to so many people in my life and make my heart swell. now, when a conversation with someone other than my two roommates (shoutout parents) is so rare ⎯ that phone is my weapon and i use it to help flatten the curve: flatten the curve of covid19 and flatten the curve of my mental illness 🙃 [humor is a coping mechanism okay let me live] but like, i KNOW i’m not the only one that looks at my screen time and immediately wants to die. how can i honestly be looking at my phone for that long? picking it up THAT many times?????? my phone is the best distraction and also the most toxic - it makes me feel better but has a tendency to bring up all my issues and blast them into the reflection of my blue light glasses...... its called fashion look it up.

to give some examples - let’s open up my most used app: snapchat. I go on snapchat with the best of intentions - to see a memory from a year ago that makes me smile. to respond to my friends and see what their mood today is based on the look on their face. to creep on snap stories and see what everyone’s cooking and doing with their lives. somehow, tho, after spending a few minutes on the app.. i end up with a pit in my stomach most of the time. the person i want to respond hasn’t responded in 4 hours. oh god lets overthink this- they don’t like me anymore and are no longer interested in speaking to me and only respond every once in a while out of pity or because they are uncomfortable. everyone hates you. oh and GOD FORBID someone leaves me on open??! I am not funny nor interesting nor worth a reply - suddenly, i have equated my value to receiving or not receiving a photo of someone’s blank stare. this is extreme, and this is dramatic. but trust me —— this is the hamster wheel always turning in my head. I’m not even going to touch on snap maps; that feature is pandoras box and someone better fucking shut it.

second most used app is instagram. i scroll for hours, i have time limits set for the app acting like i’m actually going to listen to them and get off. lmaooooooooo. i love looking at aesthetic stuff and dogs and food and recipes and my friends’ beautiful faces. but you know what i don’t like? constant nudges to compare myself to others. oh look at her having a party with all of her friends even though we aren’t supposed to be. am i a loser for trying to be safe? oh look at her washboard abs, i’m never going to look like that and will never live up to the standard of beauty society has set for me. look at all of these people in their happy relationships. why can’t i have that? it goes over and over and over. its not like i sit there and think of these things just like that, its a precedent in my mind when i stare at everybody else that i am going to size my own life up against theirs. for years i followed every single elite model / VS angel on instagram to motivate me to do better - to start being psycho about what i did to my body so i could be as gorgeous as them. what kind of fucked up mindset is that? i would literally watch their footage of them eating rice and vegetables once a day and try to copy it. i would watch their runway walks obsessively trying to recreate them in heels alone in my house - like that was all i could imagine doing with my life. did i ever stop for a second to look at that photoshoot of gigi hadid and wonder if she was happy? wonder if the constant pictures she saw of herself ever made her insecure? what was i doing? the day i unfollowed those girls was a monumental day in my journey to a better self image. i didn’t realize the people i thought were my “motivators” were actually my triggers. i have grown to a point in life now that i would much rather eat a stack of chocolate chip pancakes that make me dance in my chair like an infant than practice my runway walk and shame my body in the mirror. and i am so freakin happy!

i could go app by app for hours. but moving on to the next thing i hate about cell phones - how they have destroyed our biological methods of communication. you hear about those psychos who think the world is destroyed by technology and we are going to be overrun by robots. but hey, I’m with the psychos on this one. i have this amazing friend, Trevor Wright, who without fail at EVERY dinner announces “phones off friends on” and collects our phones into the center of the table. yes, we are 20 year old adults. yes, we hand our phones over to Trevor and let him yell at us for trying to see if ~that person~ snap chatted us back. i have so much respect for him because of this. there is nothing worse than staring at your phones when you could be having a good conversation about life, about love, about laughter + memories, about “do you think hellen keller is real?” anything, bro, anything. anything but snapchat messaging your hoe of the week or mindlessly playing tetris to twiddle your thumbs. we all need to start loving a little harder, and the first step to doing that is to communicate better. communicate smarter. I’m guilty of alllll of the above, don’t get me wrong. and I am ADD asf and constantly playing mindless games just to stimulate my brain. but i need to stop that! even writing this is taking some time away from the dumb shit on my phone - and encouraging me to communicate how i r e a l l y feel to my homies that will read this. communication - especially body language - is fascinating. I’ve studied it in psych, I’ve learned the neurological bases of behavior and why we do what we do. I’ve learned how much our life experience impacts who we are as a whole...and it! is! fascinating! i also think that’s why i love film so much. because it can capture the raw moments of your friends just being your friends, of you just being the person you are, and the world around you just existing as it exists. i love the raw moments; and not just because indy blue posted one youtube video of her slow mo laughing and now thats the only footage i find myself shooting. 😚

im not quite sure what this post is, lol. but - just a rant on technology. so listen to me:

take advantage of technology + social media! it CAN BE GREAT. for so many reasons. but, don’t let technology + social media TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. stay true to you - know how to communicate with yourself and your loved ones without the use of a robot. remember that feeling when you setup up your first iPhone? imagine if you could feel that again, with your phone nowhere in sight. if you don’t know how to communicate with yourself yet, start by journaling. WRITE! TYPE! SPEAK! do what you want. getting your thoughts down even without an audience is so crucial to understanding yourself and others. if you don’t like to write, reflect. breathe. meditate. make art. do what makes you feel at peace, and do whatever makes you feel like the world makes a little bit more sense than it does.

IF YOU ARE READING DOWN TO HERE, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, SAY IT BACK! LIFE IS A FUCKING HIGHWAY. AND IM SO GLAD YOU’RE ON MY INTERSTATE. <3

xoxoxoxo

gossip girl

#phones #socialmedia #rant #blog #hi #tender #loveme #quarantine #covid19 #cellphones #iphone #followme!#taylor #tiktok #trending #writing

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bo0zey · 4 years

Note

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person???

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!!

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

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hell-bound-stories · 4 years

Text

walk?

It was nearing late afternoon and Azz still hadn’t found a way to get Syd out of bed, or even just smiling. Azz didn’t know why she was so down, and honestly neither did she. Every attempt to ask why was met with anger and frustration, followed by more sadness. “I don’t know why!” Syd would snap harshly, though Azz didn’t take it personally, “I just feel horrible ok, i’m sorry I know I shouldn’t be”. It was just one of those days where everything felt awful, and the overcast skies certainly didn't help lighten the mood. It wasn’t the first time Syd has had a day like this.

Azz tried everything they knew to try and cheer Syd up. Getting her favorite food, watching her favorite show, playing her favorite game, even cuddling for a bit, but nothing seemed to work. It felt like nothing was going to pull her out of this rut.

Syd laid on her big bed, rolled up in a blanket facing the wall scrolling mindlessly threw various social media apps on her phone. You didn’t need to see her face to tell the bags under her eyes were heavy and dark, like she hadn’t gotten any good sleep in days. She wasn’t paying attention to Azz at all, but deep down she did appreciate the effort they were trying to make to cheer her up.

Azz was desperately trying to come up with other ideas to lighten things up. They hated seeing Syd like this. ‘I'm failing’, panicked thoughts started to race through their mind ‘I can’t fail, she needs me’. Azz hopped off the bed and walked around the room. They gazed out the window onto the sidewalk below. The sky was starting to clear with the clouds slowly dancing across it. Below was a nice couple walking down the street with their small corgi. Azz’s eyes lit up, they knew exactly what to do.

“Hey” Azz said, walking back over to Syd in bed, “let’s go for a walk!”

Syd groaned not even looking up from her phone, “A walk?”

“Yeah, it's really nice out, a short walk to the park will be great” They said, sounding as excited as a puppy.

“Mmm, No, moving sounds hard” Syd had barely moved all day, only doing so when she absolutely had to. Her body felt impossibly heavy and hard to move. “Besides, it's getting dark soon anyways”

“Aw come on” Azz pleaded, this time not even getting a response back from Syd, who went back to her phone. “Fine” They stated sharply, “We’re going to have to do this my way” Azz walked back over to the other side of the room, stretching their arms.

“What way?” Syd said hazily, at this point not even paying attention to Azz, ‘whatever’ she thought lazily, and continued scrolling.

A moment later she felt something jump onto the bed and walk over to her. At the foot of the bed was sitting a cute small corgi. Well as cute as it could be in a way. It had black grey fur with purple highlights scattered about. Its nails were a tad too long and definitely too sharp, along with the horns resting on its head next to its slightly bigger ears. More noticeably the “corgi” had no eyes, not even empty eye sockets. The area was covered nicely by fur, like someone had forgotten to draw eyes in. What it lacked in eyes it made up for in extra teeth, some poking through its lips in a cartoony way. ‘Right’ Syd rolled her eyes, ‘that’.

“Walk.” the dog demanded. Its voice was a little distorted but still understandable.

“Ohmygod” she whispered under her breath, “Azz knock it off, I just don't have the energy for a walk, im sorry”, you could tell she felt bad about this in her voice, she really felt she didn't have the ability to do anything right now. Syd pitifully went back to her phone, with guilt written all over her face as she did so.

Azz just sat there, but even with no eyes Syd could tell they were staring daggers into her. “Come on”, she nudged Azz on the side with her foot, “go”.

“Hrmph, fine” Azz said jumping off the bed, “If you wont take me I’ll just take myself!”. In a flash of purple light the little corgi turned into a moderately sized hyena, standing in the middle of the room. Syd turned around and glanced at them. She knew Azz could turn into pretty much any animal, but all the animals shared the same characteristics. No eyes, black/grey and purple fur, long sharp teeth and claws, with small horns placed on top, this hyena was no different.

The big dog began to cackle, “I'm gonna go terrorize old ladies at the park!” they laughed at the top of its lungs. Syd immediately shot up from her bed.

“WHAT”

“You’ll have to come stop me!!” between all the teeth you could see a shit eating grin on their face. Syd watched as the hyena ran out of her room gracefully. Then heard it not so gracefully fall down the stairs, crashing into a potted plant at the bottom making a mess downstairs.

“Im good!!” Azz screamed, getting up to run out to the front door and down the street to the park.

‘Fuck’ Syd thought frantically ‘that fucking dumb ass is going to get himself killed…...again…..wh a t’

Syd didn't have time to think. She had to go stop this demon from terrorizing people. Even though Azz was here to help Syd, she felt that it was her job to stop Azz from, you know, being a demon and stealing people's souls or….other things demons did. She didn't really know what demons did, and she didn’t want to find out today. Syd also wasn’t about to let them get hurt. She pulled her hair up, slipped on her favorite (and only) pair of boots, and ran out the front door after Azz.

The park was a short walk down the road. Syd was there in a couple of minutes after sprinting down the sidewalk. She was a little chubby but that didn’t mean she couldn’t run great when she wanted to. However anyone would be tired after sprinting down a road after a hyena. She got to the parking lot and stopped to take a breath. By the park entrance she saw Azz, still a hyena, Sitting there licking their paw. No one seemed to care that a big monstrous, African native dog was sitting there by itself, in the middle of Colorado. People gazed by it as they walked by, clearly seeing something, but not freaking out. ‘Weird’ Syd quickly thought.

“HEY” she shouted between breaths, “get your BUTT BACK HERE” she tried to sound threatening, but it was hard with a smile on her face.

Azz looked up, looked around and finally found Syd. They cracked a smile, trying to hold back a laugh, but very much failing. Azz did a lil spin and took off into the park, Syd following quickly behind. Well as quick as you can chase a hyena. They ran what felt like around the entire park, finally ending in the middle of an empty grass field.

Syd stopped again trying to catch her breath, “you….piece of SHIT” she yelled tackling Azz into the ground, who was still laughing. As they rolled in the grass “fighting” Azz flashed purple and was back to their “human” (demon?) self, with Syd finally pinning them to the grass. Syd couldn't help but smile harder, and started laughing too. Between breaths she managed to ask “What’s so funny?”

Azz gave her the biggest smile she’d ever seen. ’she’s smiling’ was all Azz could think right now ‘she’s actually smiling’

“You”

Syd tried her best not to blush, but kinda failed a lot.

“OH MY GOD” she screamed, burying her face in the grass next to them.

Syd looked back up at Azz and went off “You asshole!!! Oh my god, you're impossible, you made a mess downstairs then made me chase you around literally the hole park…” As she kept scolding them, Azz looked up at the sky. They slowly used their hand to point Syd’s head up at the sky too. She immediately stopped talking once she saw the sky. The sun was begging to set and that painted the once dark clouds in vibrant pinks and oranges, set against a blue sky slowly getting dark. Azz could swear they heard her say “wow”, but didn’t mention it.

Syd’s breath finally caught up with her, “you were never going to terrorize old people”

Azz looked at her again, with nothing but a genuine smile, “nope”

Syd sighed, laying down in the grass next to Azz, looking up at the sky. All Azz could watch was Syd. The way her hair fell in the grass and the look of aw and beauty on her face was just amazing to them, they couldn’t look at the sky if they wanted to.

“I did what I had to” Azz admitted “to get you out of the house”

Syd sighed again “I guess you did……….thank you”

“You’re welcome”

They laid in the grass, talking and laughing about everything and everything till it got too dark. Syd never stopped smiling.

“Hey syd”

“Yeah?”

“I think I broke my hand”

“Jesus fucking Christ”

#hellbound stories #syd and azz #sky gazing #depression #oc fanfiction #demon boy #human girl

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hcneymilkks · 5 years

Text

STRAY KIDS Seungmin ‘Likes’

In the 21st century, Social media has taken up our time. The term likes and comments always follow us around. How many likes do we get? Are the comments always positive? To Seungmin, it seems stupid, but as time goes on, he finally realizes how much it can change a person.

Pairing: Seungmin x Hyunjin

Genre: Angst (i think)

Warnings: none

NOTE: may or may not be a little rundown of what a whole book may be about (hehe)

Click.

Seungmin smiled. The light breeze ruffling his auburn hair. It was a cloudy day, rain starting to fall. The post-rain smell starting once again as the droplets hit the long green grass. Seungmin packed up his camera and school books, deciding the day were to end.

Few stops on the train, few bus rides and a little bit of walking, he was home. Home to an apartment he and Hyunjin share. It was fairly spacious. Two bedrooms each with a large closet, the bathroom, living room and kitchen is shared. Rent much less than what other college students pay.

"Hey I'm here." He took off his shoes and placed his camera and keys on the side table.

Hyunjin stared at the auburn boy sprawled out on the couch and giggled. "Rough day?"

Seungmin nodded his head and groaned. "I have an essay due next week, two presentations to do in two weeks and an art project due by the beginning of next month."

"Poor baby. Anyways I have food cooked, let's eat first and then tell me all of your problems."

Both the boys sat facing each other, nothing but chewing and sips heard. The sun had started to set behind Hyunjin, casting an orange glow on his honey coloured hair. Seungmin did nothing else but stare. Seungmin knew he was attracted to Hyunjin. Heck, even most people in his Collage are attracted to him. But Seungmin knew Hyunjin never liked the attention. He was a soft-spoken boy who liked the library and was an introvert. Never really into parties, loved politics, and is a member of the student council. Seungmin smiled. He knew he could never let Hyunjin go.

"Uh is there something on my face?" Hyunjin tilted his head.

Seungmin shook his head, quickly taking a sip of his water. Too much daydreaming.

"Thank you for the food, it's amazing as always. You know, instead of being a Political Science major you can be a cook. They get paid great, you get to try and create new recipes, and you are always in the back, away from people." Seungmin explained in a sing-song voice, the pitch going higher and louder as he emphasized on being away from people.

Hyunjin chuckled and brought his plate to the sink with Seungmin following. "Min, that actually doesn't sound like a bad idea, but you know how much I love politics, science and history. Taking this major is actually making me step out of my comfort zone which I want to happen."

Seungmin stayed silent, saying a simple 'oh' and putting his plate in the sink as well.

"But if all else fails, I will become a chef and give you free food for the rest of your life."

_____________

It was now eight in the evening. Both of the boys had their daily chores done and were now in the living room. One looking for something to watch on Netflix while the other cursing at his computer.

"Goddamn why won't you work?"

Hyunjin sat down beside Seungmin who looked like he was about to explode. "And I thought the younger generation was supposed to know how to work the newest technology."

"Bitch! You're only a few months older than me shut up."

Hyunjin slid the computer closer to him. "What the heck are you doing anyway?"

"I'm trying to upload the photos I took today. I need to post them!"

Hyunjin shook his head. "Give it to me."

The younger obeyed and gave the camera to Hyunjin.

"Okay, so you plug the cord into this USB port here and then plug the other side into your computer. Press select and upload the different pictures that you want."

"Okay...so how do I get them on my phone?"

Hyunjin sighed. For someone who was smart and creative, he was very dumb.

Moments later and the photos were posted, Sungmin smiling.

"Wow you know a lot about computers, you should change your major to computer science or software engineering."

"Nah bro that's too hard. Besides, I don't really like math. Anyways, where did you even post the photos?"

"On Instagram, duh."

"What's an Instagram?"

Seungmin almost dropped his phone in shock. Ten years of knowing this guy and he doesn't know what Instagram is? Oh, how did he fall in love with such an idiot?

"It's a social media app where you can share photos, like and follow content, and make online friends."

"Okay....What's the big hype about it. Why are you so into it?"

"I'm not into it." Seungmin looked the other way and blushed.

"Yeah says the baby who almost cried after he couldn't figure out how to make his computer work." Hyunjin playfully rolled his eyes.

"Hey! You take that back!"

_______________

Ding!

Hyunjin was confused, just who in the world would message Seungmin at this time? Seungmin was a likeable guy but was somewhat picky with his friends.

Could it perhaps be a girl?

Hyunjin shook his head. There was no way that Seungmin became straight all of a sudden. Not even his horrible flirting experience with Jeongin could change his mindset. At least, that's what he thinks.

"Sorry. I should probably put my phone on silent." Seungmin reached out for his phone when Hyunjin put his hand on top of Seungmin's and smiled.

"Don't worry about it. This account must be pretty popular."

Seungmin blushed and smiled. Oh, how easy it was for him to sway with any words that came out of Hyunjin's mouth.

"You should make one. You know, for the experience."

Seungmin stood up and bid Hyunjin a goodnight afterwards, leaving Hyunjin alone with his thoughts.

________________

"Chan how do you make an instagram?"

The Student Council meeting didn't start until half an hour, but Hyunjin decided to be extra early for the sake of some advice.

"Uh? You just make one? What's with all the questions? I thought you vowed not to go back on social media?"

Hyunjin sighed. "I know but I want to run for the next student council election as president and in this day and age people use social media more than ever."

"okay okay there buddy no need to sound like you were born with no internet. I'll help you." Chan was the current president but was graduating this year. To keep the student council running each year there would be elections, Chan had hoped the day would come that Hyunjin would run.

"Chan I still don't understand how to post."

"Ohmygod Hyunjin just do it like this." He took the phone from the younger boy's grasp, much to his complaints. Chan picked the photo they took of Hyunjin outside of the student council room and clearly showed step by step how to add filters (as if he needed it), how to hashtag, and what to caption.

"And I thought the younger generation knew how to use Instagram." A backpack was thrown and someone fell to the floor, groaning.

____________________

Seungmin started to cough violently.

"Hey man are you alright?" The freckled boy, Felix, patted his friend's back while someone was trying not to laugh.

"I-im fine." He said weakly, few coughs here and there. "Just went down the wrong pipe."

"Drink some more water then, it will help."

Both the blond and the aburn haired boys looked at the squirrel-looking boy.

"Are you stupid? Seungmin just almost died from a liquid."

"I'm fine I s-"

"Yeah but that liquid wasn't water Felix. Now his throat is all dry and needs to hydrate it with water."

"Jisung that's stupid, everything is made out of water. Where did you even get that information?"

Seungmin tried to speak louder but the two bickering boys wouldn't stop.

"I'll have you know that Tumblr is a reliable source for information."

"See this is why your IQ is a four."

More bickering.

Heated tension.

All because Jisung said something stupid.

"Guys enough! I'm alive and that's what matters." Seungmin took a sip of water to soothe his raw throat, hearing a ding coming from his phone.

While Jisung and Felix went back to the topic of Fortnite, Seungmin had opened his Instagram to see a new follower.

"No way. He actually did it."

__________________

Two weeks have passed and Hyunjin's following has increased. Everyone wants to know about the boy who came out of his shell to become the upcoming year's student council president.

Hyunjin felt happy, loved, accepted. He no longer was the shy boy in class who sat alone in front who was too scared to ask questions or voice his opinions. He could thank Instagram for the change.

But someone felt that Hyunjin was changing too much, for the worse.

Seungmin believed that too much social media for someone can change their whole demeanour. He didn't realize it would change his best friend.

"Hey Seungmin, do you think M5 or R3 would make me look better?"

It was one of those rare days where Hyunjin stayed back at the apartment. Many parties on campus and Hyunjin wanted to go to all of them. Accompanied by Changbin and Minho of course.

Seungmin had chosen to always stay at home, finishing up an essay that was due in a month.

"Um....what are those?"

Hyunjin looked at Seungmin, as if he was an alien from area 51. "Are you kidding me Seungmin? It's the Instagram filters from the new update. Gotta look good for the gram."

Seungmin rolled his eyes and mumbled a whatever under his breath. Hyunjin sighed and picked M5, posting the photo not a second longer.

"By the way, the student council wants to throw a party in our apartment, are you okay with that?"

Seungmin closed his laptop as he couldn't concentrate any longer.

"Why not throw the party at Chan's house? It's way bigger than here. Plus I hate parties so why should it be where I live?"

"Well jeez Seungmin sorry to hit a nerve. Sucks that my roommate won't even attend a party with me for once."

Seungmin felt his heart break. "A roommate? I'm not even your friend?"

"You stopped being my friend after I realized you're a loner and so boring. Like really Seungmin? Taking pictures of the sky is so creative there are tears in my eyes."

Seungmin stood up to get a glass of water. "No one asked you for your opinion Hyunjin. Let me remind you that I suggested to make an Instagram account for fun, not to change your whole fucking personality."

Hyunjin went into the kitchen and smirked at Seungmin. "Oh I see now, you're jealous. Jealous that I have more followers than you, jealous I'm more handsome than you, jealous-"

"Shut up! You're not Hyunjin. Hell I don't even know who you are. Fine! Have that stupid party here, I won't be attending and don't fucking ask for me. You have gone low Hyunjin. I don't even know who I fell in love with anymore."

Seungmin left the room without another word, slamming the door to his room.

Hyunjin stopped for a moment. "He loves me?"

________________

"Thanks for letting me stay here Felix, I'm sorry about that."

"No worries mate. You're always welcome here."

A ding goes off on Felix's phone and he gasps.

"Chan's throwing a party, wanna come?"

Seungmin groaned. "Come on Felix you know I don't do any of that. Plus the NOD Magazine at the University posts about the parties and posts photos. I can just read it and feel like I'm there."

Felix sighed. "Well if you ever change your mind, you know the address."

Felix soon left for what he called was the party of a lifetime with Jisung, Seungmin curled up in a ball watching Netflix.

A ding soon came from his phone.

Felix: if you change your mind mate, here's the address [Address]

Seungmin groaned, one party couldn't hurt right?

Oh but it did.

As Seungmin opened the door to his own apartment, he was welcomed with the shouts of "KISS, KISS KISS" and two people kissing.

Who you may ask?

Political Science major Hwang Hyunjin.

and,

Journalist Yang Jeongin.

___________

NOD MAGAZINE; BREAKING NEWS

Hwang Hyunjin has won the title of Student Council President for the 2019-2020 year!

But that's not all;

HWANG HYUNJIN IS TAKEN LADIES, TAKEN BY A MAN NAMED YANG JEONGIN.

Sources closest to them have said that they have feelings for each other and have taken it to the next level.

Congrats to the new couple we wish them well!

Seungmin sniffled.

"Stupid Hyunjin. Stupid Seungmin. If only I said nothing about opening an Instagram account he wouldn't have changed."

he could have been Seungmin's from the beginning.

now Seungmin is welcomed to the apartment with an empty feeling.

his heart more fragile than ever.

MASTERLIST

#stray kids #seungmin #hyunjin #jeongin #i.n #han #jisung #felix #lee know #minho #chan #changbin #woojin #university au #student president

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boy-porridge-vent · 5 years

Text

Day 1

***Trigger Warning for most of this post!*** :(

New vent account, I just have a lot to get off my chest, not right now per-say but in general, a lot has happened and I’m not coping well.

To start off, I’ve relapsed into self harm again

Not only cutting, but nearly everything I was able to get myself to stop doing.

* I’ve begun to cut again, it’s now to the point where it gets deeper & messier each time I have a panic attack/breakdown (whatever the difference is).

* Im scratching & biting a lot more

* Punching myself until I bruise

* Weighing myself constantly, about 3-10 times a day, it’s in secret though since the scale is kinda hidden in my basement ever since my parents took it away

* Ive begun to check calories & count them. Before this past month, Ive never done this before & now it’s almost like a nervous habit! :(

* I’ve relasped into my an*rexia urges again. I’ve been having trouble with my body image & eating since about 5th grade; not to get too personal, but my mom was & still is hard on me, always called me ugly or fat because of an early puberty that made my body change quickly in a pretty gross way. Had a lot of acne since 4th grade;;; anyways, because of all that, and finding Onision, I was obsessed with his UhOhBro channel around 5th grade & took some of his more serious videos related to starvation & self harm to mind and tried it on myself because, despite him having a stone-cold hatred for it, I was a dumb kid and didn’t listen. So yeah, 5th grade I would starve myself or eat very little; 6th grade I kinda stopped but struggled with my clothing choice/identity more; 7th grade I struggled with gender; 8th grade was when an*rexia came back, more severely than ever, but it happened in short bursts over a few months, I also started cutting but very rarely; 9th I was much more happy & settled down just a bit, really figured out who I was; 10th things weren’t exactly the best, cutting came back & began to be more frquent but not deep; 11th was the worst, I’ve now been eating very little ever since school started, first day back wasnt exactly the best & I ended up cutting again for the first time in months moments after I got home.

A lot more has happened since then and it’s only gotten worse. I don’t know what to do anymore

I don’t mean for any of this to make anybody upset or possibly relapse/get urges themselves when reading all this, I get so sad when I see others struggling too, I always try to help any of my friends or even random people online if they post a vent. I love bein there to support & help, even help get people to come out of serious relapses! But when it comes to myself, I tend to feel no pity, like I deserve this. There’s something wrong with me in my head, this has been gong on for years, every year feels worse than before, and yet everytime Ive gone to my dad, principles, teachers, or school counselors, they never help! They tell me off, saying Im fine, I dont need a therapist because therapists are scammers, or that I just need to be more positive & get over it.

Ive been told this for years, so maybe… it’s just me who’s to blame. Im the only one who sees what’s happening because it’s not really a big deal. I just make it seem wore than it is in my head. I have friends who care & ask if Im okay, ask if they can help, but honestly they cant help. They can support & I’ll vent to them but it doesn’t fix anything, I vent but it doesn’t fix my mind or my empty stomach or my hand reaching for my same used razor. Nothing has helped and I’m worried that after a while Im going to end up killing myself, whether it’s on purpose or it happens on accident when I go too deep. I have a lot I wish to do in my life, but at the same time, with all this shit that’s happened and how my life feels as if it keeps getting worse everyday, I will admit that at this point if I DID die, I guess I wouldn’t be too upset. I am scared of what will happen after death, nobody knows what happens, but I know that I am legally an organ donor, and I do have part of my will typed up in the case that I do die suddenly one day, so I guess it isn’t too bad.

I will be honest, Ive never been exactly suicidal before, but these past 4 months I think I’ve been legitamately suicidal and ready to go whenever I have a breakdown. Everytime I relapse I think of just ending it all right then and there, but then pussy out because I think about my few friends, my followers on other social media, my pets, my plants, and other people I wish to change the lives of in the future. I want to adopt a kid someday and give them what I didn’t get, treat them as I wished to be treated, help them grow up into the person I wish I had by my side growing up. They’d be my child, I’d be their parent, but we’d also be best friends. I wanted to start my own show, my own comic, my own booth at cons, meet so many people, get married, do music, so many things

but honestly, I don’t think I’ll live much longer after my senior year of highschool. I’m planning on finishing this year out, trying to finish my senior year, graduate, then I’ll leave this Earth with a bang. Maybe literally, or maybe through some other way of suicide, I don’t know. I might even do it sometime before I graduate. Not to make people sad, not for attention and pity, but because I can’t continue on like this, and I want the people who’ve wronged me to see what they did. I want those who refused to help, even when I was in front of them screaming & begging them to get me some kind of therapy or help, to see what they caused. I want them to see that I wasn’t just some sensitive crybaby that needed to get over himself, I want them to see that mental illness can run rampant in anybody & they need to be open to helping those who really need it.

Ive been through so much. Ive been bullied, made fun of by my own mother, neglected by her, pysically/emotionally/mentally/VERBALLY/and even sexually abused by an ex partner of mine, Ive been literally harrassed, Ive been used solely for sex by nearly every single ex of mine, Ive been manipulated/guilt tripped/gas-lighted/made to feel as if my abuse was my fault, Ive been punished by my school for being abused by my ex! Yet everyone who has ever hurt me in these ways always got away with it scott-free. Why? I have no idea. I like to say that they’re let off the hook because I don’t come to school with black eyes, broken bones, bruises, and mascara running down my face. Abuse is abuse, it doesn’t have to have visible signs. Yet, mine does. I have self harm wounds, not because I blame them for making me self harm (as one of my exes once did), but because of trauma I still deal with that stemmed from their treatment of me. I have nightmares about my ex and her treatment toward me. I get SCARED when my mom comes home. I get nervous walking into school. I hate being touhed physically because it reminds me of so many people from the past getting physical and leaving me in the dirt afterward, even when I trusted them with everything. I hate saying I love you to anybody because of how little it means when others say it to me. Many partners would send hearts & “I love you"s, then throw me out like I was garbage.

I’m so tired of it all.

But maybe it’s all my fault. Maybe Im the problem. Im too quiet. Im too much of a pacifist. I hate confrontation. I hate violence. I hate hating people. If Im hurt by someone, even being abused, I always forgive and let them back in, and I get hurt again over and over. But on the rare chance that I dont forgive, when I do hate them with every cell in me, then for some reason, I can’t get them away, I can’t get them out of my life. They’re always around as a constantly reminder of what happened and how I was used and how I will never change, I’ll never be able to stick up for myself.

if all that is going to happen in my life involves me being used for sex, money, or compliments to make others feel higher about themselves, then I don’t want to be around anymore. But I can’t just kill myself on a whim and call it a day.

I wouldn’t exactly say this is why I self harm, my self harm isn’t a choice, it just… kind of happens. It’s an addiction; scientifically, it has been proven to have addictive tendencies, which is why it’s so hard to stop once you’ve started/relapsed. I self harm because it’s an addiction that I can’t help, and becaue of bottled up, unresolved trauma that gets worse with every new day that I keep it bottled up for.

This isn’t going to get better. Sorry for typing out so much too. I have an issue with piling all my thoughts and how I feel into multiple huge paragraphs, so there’s much more of that to come.

Also to come, weight updates & keeping track of what I eat/how long I can go with no food whatsoever. So far I’ve gone about 1/ maybe 2??? days straight, though I stayed home today so I did have to eat dinner, which caused me to gain 1 pound. But I lost 4.5 pounds in that day of not eating, so I can lose that 1 pound pretty quickly. Plus my metabolism is very very fast, so even if I did eat a lot I’d lose all that weight in a few hours/a day or two, depending on how much I ate.

This is day 1 of my further decline.

September 01, 2019

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pointless-notes-blog · 5 years

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Morning coffee

I’m Oliver, this story would be my first post and story on tumblr so please if I did anything wrong please inform me (in a polite way) and yeah just, enjoy.

Note: this is a short story written about one of my random ocs, they are not from any fandom I just got bored and did it, sorry for the interruption, please continue! :) (contains swears)

I rolled out of bed at 6:00 am, smacking my alarm clock, my lazy hand smacked it so hard it looked as though it were to jump up and smack me back, in a way, it did. I got my usual 3 and a half hours of sleep last night, which didn’t seem like a big deal, but now those 3 hours of sleep slapped me on the face and called me ‘dumb’ in three different languages. I rubbed my baggy, purple eyes, I had such dark circles under my eyes that I wouldn’t blame you if you thought I had a black eye; not that I’ve ever really gotten one but that’s neither here nor there. I stared at the floor contemplating whether it’s worth it to go to school or not today, ‘I don’t mind staying back a year, at least I won’t have to spend another stupid ass year with Megan and her dumbass friends’.

I decided it was worth it, given the fact that I actually want to go to college, I threw on a striped shirt and jean shorts and I picked up my cement like feet and trudged towards the kitchen; ignoring the fly swarming around my practically dead body. My chubby cat screaming at my feet, “please Quito, I know you’re hungry but please, I’ll feed you once I’m alive just hold your damn horses”, I’ve had Quito for as long as I can remember, she’s a calico cat, a bit on the chubby side but she’s the most adorable and loving cat I’ve ever seen; if you call her fat I’ll kill you. Slapping a k-cup into my coffee machine and stumbling into the bathroom, blasting 80’s music. I filled the sink up with luke warm water, checking my social media as it filled; “Oh look little Miss Megan wants to follow me, I think not”, I said this out loud with a stern look on my face, tapping the ‘reject’ button harshly. Megan and I have the same story as any other mean girls story, Megan and I used to be best friends in 3rd garde, until she told everyone a very untrue and strange “fact” about me, the fact was that I ate a squirrel, and for some reason people believed that and they made fun of me and called me squirrel girl, yeah I know that name sounds familiar; Megan and I now go to (town name) high school together and it’s actually a living hell!!! Noticing that the sink was done filling, I wasted no time to put my hair back with a head band and stuffed my face into the water, damn that woke me up fast. I drained the water, yeah screw makeup it’s school not prom, and went to get my cup of coffee. I was drinking my coffee until I spotted Quito looking at me with a disappointed mother look, spitting out my coffee I dashed over to her bowl at the speed of light, scooping up a large chunck of cat food and throwing it into her food bowl, she then gave me a sadisfied head-butt and started eating. I checked my watch, choking on my own spit, “im goNNA BE LATE FOR THIS GOD DAMN BULLSHIT”, with that screaming madness I grabbed my keys, coffee, phone, and backpack and dashed out the door, it’s a life or death situation now and whoever gets in my way might actually die. I stomped on the gas ‘fuck the law’ I thought as I went so fast I could see nothing but blurrs outside my window.

I openend my locker and stuffed my unneeded stuff inside, why in all that is unholy was there a sticker the size of my hand in my backpack? I was getting ready to find my friends but someone else found my first, “ooooooh, look who it is, Miss Mearalie, what a pleasant surprise, didn’t think I would find you, eh?”, Megan walked closer to me, disgust and rage filling my body like a flash flood. “No, I knew you were coming, I could hear your dollar store heels and fake plastic boobs from a mile away”, I informed her with a grin on my face, fists clenching around my coffee. “Wow, you really wanna go there, you’re the one that at a fucking squirrel”, she cackled, soon everyone around us bursted into laughter. That’s was it, I snapped, I snapped like a rubber band stretched thin, I was stretched thin by Megan and her idiot friends; I clutched my coffe shaking, until finally I threw the steaming liquid at her, I watched her as she stood in shock, a satisfied look in my eyes, her makeup dripped down her face. “UGH, YOU DUMB BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!”, she screamed loud enough to break the glass and my ears, with a huge grin that looked similar to the grinch’s, I made eye contact with her and responded, “it was your morning coffee!”

Assuming you’ve read this far, I might make a part two of this, if it’s good, I did write this at 3 in the morning, thanks for reading, have a dandy day!

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