I have one thing left from my ex. A few months ago, I took all her gifts, all her love letters, all her jewelry, and I threw it in the garbage,  I’m never getting those things back, and that’s okay, because I don’t want them.  We broke up over a year ago, I don’t need those things.  And now there’s nothing left. Except for this stuffed bunny. She gave it to me on our second date.  She met me at the train with flowers, and I remember thinking about how nobody had ever bought me flowers before.  We had a picnic in the park, played cards, hung out with her best friends, and she gave me the bunny. It’s been two years since that date.  I don’t love her.  I don’t miss her.  But I don’t know what to do about this stupid fucking bunny. I could throw it out.  I could give it away.  But it’s my last connection to the first person I ever fell in love with.   There were so many red flags, but tonight I’m just thinking about the green ones.  The time she stayed up all night sitting on her bathroom floor while I hugged the toilet seat trying not to puke, telling me funny stories to distract me. The night she wrapped me in a blanket, sat me on her lap, and pointed out constellations I had never even heard of.  I had no idea she was breaking up with me just a few weeks later. The time she told me she loved me.  How wide her eyes were, how scared she looked, how I screamed and threw down my bag and kissed her, and she thought she did something wrong until I sat her down and smiled at her.   How I told her I loved her a few days later outside of a truly disgusting subway station. She loved pokemon, and hair dye, and piercings, and for one summer we had a whole apartment to ourselves in Florida for a week, and it was like a dream. It’s been over a year since I last saw her.  She’s had a girlfriend since then.  She’s changed her hair.  I hear she moved apartments and got a new job. I shaved my head.  I’ve gained 30 pounds.  I’ve got a new job too.  I’ve been on dozens and dozens of dates.   We are not the same people we used to be. But I still have this bunny.  This stupid fucking bunny that sits in the corner on the floor of my room that I can’t bear to throw out because I have nothing left of her.  And all I feel when I look at it is anger.  But there’s a part of me, a small part of me, that remembers what falling in love for the first time was like. And even though she forced me out of love, even though it’s been over and will be over forever, even though I’m grateful I’ll never see her again, even though we are completely different people from two years ago, from the day she gave me the toy, I can’t ever forget what it felt like to feel as loved as I did when she gave it to me. And I don’t know if I’ll ever feel that way again. So for now, the stupid fucking bunny sits on the floor collecting dust.  I’ll probably throw it out soon.  I might rip it to pieces for the catharsis.  But until that day, it’s going to sit there, and it’s going to watch me become a person she would never recognize. And that’s going to have to be okay.

Afab people can also develop a gendered subjectivity in response to transmisogyny, whether they've been victims of it or not, just as amab people can develop it as a result of misogyny. So, if transfemininity is also defined by this characteristic, afab transfem also fit into it. Your objection to this fact is just a bias based, at best, on ignorance.

-

It's is a bioessentialist prescription because you're adopting a conception of transfemininity that dictates that to be transfeminine, you have to fulfil to expectation of being male assignment at birth. this is no different from someone who uses the bioessentialist conception of womanhood which require female assignement at birth. Both are form bioessentialism that we should not perpetuate at our level, but rather we should re-thinking these gender categories in a way that doesn't align with bioessetialist conceptions

whoops! you caught me out aha. I forgot that afab trans people have subjectivities shaped by transmisogyny. I also forgot that cis womanhood is defined in large part thru transmisogyny: the fear of being clocky, constant affirmation by distancing from the tranny-object except when it's hot to have a bit of a jawline now, palatability as opposition to the monstrosity of being the shemale. I guess cis women are transfeminine too!

let's remember, while we're at it, that transmisogyny is the spectre that haunts the subject of the cis man. the gendered border policing lest one take a step too close to sissification, the prohibition on behaviour that could threaten to make him a girl—oh! cis men are transfeminine too!

in fact, we're all transfeminine! transmisogyny, as the recognition and attempted correction of the tranny-glitch that undoes the threads of gender, asserts itself against all of us. it is impossible to be a gendered subject without having contours shaped by the domineering pressures of transmisogyny, because that is what demands we all fall in line to the gendered nightmare. oops! all transfem!

but wait. a certain group, deprived now of unique identification, has just lost the ability to describe its gendered situation. it has been swallowed up by the seas of inclusive thinking or whatever. I guess that's okay :) I guess we'll drop our complaints :) we were a nuisance in the first place, weren't we? sorry. so sorry for existing this way.

listen to me. listen to me not as your fucking ephemeral gender oracle telling you what you want to hear before being thrown away, not as your bullshit mouthpiece granting you entrance to this mystical domain you want to claim for yourself, but as a god damn person for once—an impossible thing to ask of the transmisogynistic tranny wannabe, I know, but try!

you cannot escape hegemonic gender and its violent devices with flaccid platitudes about "re-thinking these gender categories" as though by changing the names of things you can change the things themselves. transmisogyny is the bioessentialism, and transmisogyny is why I am a failed man—the faggot embodied—something less than both man and woman—a gender traitor specifically against my assignment itself. and if you cannot recognize the unique ways that transmisogyny is deployed unrelentingly and irrevocably against the ones who will never be able to resort to birth assignment as a defense—against the ones who cannot throw their hands up and say, "I was never supposed to be a man in the first place!"—you have not understood the first thing about the root source of transmisogyny, and it is no surprise to me that you have no sense of transfemininity as a political category, a(n un)gendered class.

"you have so much to do,"

"And I have nothing ahead of me."

Sketch

Alsooo

I made a speedpaint of it if you'd like to see me paint this :>

The song I used it great trust

the way writers have been driven off more than once because of anon asks. do you fuckers have no shame? sending death and r*pe threats? i’m not even going to ask if you stupid fucks would ask this in real life because you wouldn’t even have the brain cells to comprehend the fact that you’d just be regarded as a weirdo and a creep. showing up at someone’s house threatening that they DIE. your high horse is a pile of shit, thinking you’re so brave for sending in an “i hope you die!” ask like you aren’t hiding behind a screen like a fucking loser with nothing to do, simply stalking pages and when they do anything you don’t like, you send in the ask like clockwork.

you people merge the online and real life so much you don’t even know how INSANE YOU FUCKING SOUND !!!!!! NO ONE SHOULD BE GOING AROUND SHOUTING THAT THEY WISHED YOUD GET R WORDED OR THAT THEY SHOULD DIE. but what do i know, right? i’m just a little writer for you to bully and push around.

you lot DO NOT see writers as humans, thinking that anon asks are everything you can hide behind but the fact that you even took the time out of your day to send an ask and then willingly turn on the anon button is hilarious. fucking cowards

A lil rant about my experience with this god forsaken fandom

I made this blog around 2020 when I was 13 years old. This was my first shot at a dedicated fandom blog and I was pretty excited for it, to make friends, draw fanart, post fun stuff and what not.

All fun right? Right, so tell me why was it that literal 20 years olds felt the need to harass me, a then 13 year old girl with a relatively small blog, for the dumbest reasons possible?

What did I do that subjected me to 2 and a half years worth constant daily threats and harassment? Hmm???

You wanna know my crime? Apparently I showed interest in an antagonist character, which is so awful that grown adults felt the need to bully me. And following those adults came young impressionable people my age, that joined the bandwagon of hate against me.

As if other fandoms don’t have people literally dedicating themselves to a villain, no one bats an eye to that. Why did this fandom have such an issue? I also apparently dared to criticise the main character for a few of his flaws. Such a horrible thing to do right? I need to be burnt at the stake for it right?

I didn’t follow the “fixed” standards of the fandom so I was to be sent de*th/r*pe threats daily?? For not following the “rules” I was to be ostracised?

No please someone explain…I’m but a dumb bitch, I don’t understand what I did so terribly wrong to deserve this? Did I start a war? Did I rip open someone’s plush? Did I bully someone for not having the same ideology as me?

No it was but the fandom itself that for some reason found it so fun to bully a 13 year old, send her de*th and r*pe threats all because of not being of pjo fandom standards…let’s go and bombard her with hate!!

Do you realise how fucking stupid…this all sounds? Do you realise how low this is? Was bullying a child so fun? So trendy at the time?

Then came the victim blaming- I laugh everytime I remember people saying I must have done something really bad to get such harassment, that it’s all for attention. What kid wants to get hate everyday of their life for 2 whole fucking years? Tell me?

You know wanna know what I did wrong? Fight back, call the hate anons out for their bigotry. I was vocal about it, that’s what I did wrong right? Stand my ground? People said to ignore it and I did. But I still got bullied daily even if I didn’t respond. What was all this for?

I can imagine people asking why I didn’t simply leave the fandom? Why the fuck should I? I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the characters, they were my escape from real life struggles. It was the bullying I didn’t enjoy. Everyday I’d log on to enjoy posts and a few minutes later when the bigots found out I was active I was sent an anonymous threat.

Many of my oldest friends had to reduce the amount they interacted with me in fear of receiving harassment themselves. The extent of this is bigotry is beyond my understanding.

I did not deserve this much suffering AND ALL FOR WHAT? A STUPID LITTLE REASON THAT HAS BARELY ANY WEIGHT TO IT. Do people even realise the extent of what happened is beyond me. And Idc if I sound selfish, I want a fucking apology from all those bigots. I want compensation for the 2 and a half years of abuse I endured alone. I just want this bigotry to end, which surprise surprise! Still continues to happen.

Why do I bring this up now that it’s all over you ask? I’ve actually brought it up once before, but it was swept under the rug, (My deepest appreciation to the very few people who supported me when I first talked about it) I’m just finally being more vocal, because this has stuck with me. For all those 4 years this has stuck with me. It doesn’t mean if it’s over for now that all the trauma doesn’t linger. It still affects me to this day.

In fact I’m still being stalked by one of the people who sent me hate anons. One of the hate anons was revealed to be one of my bestest friends, they had admitted this to me and had the nerve to beg me to still remain friends. They were also the person who groomed me. They have left the fandom scene and I’ve rid of them from my life but they still continue to stalk me.

What do I get from ranting about all this? A bit of solace, a bit of weight off my shoulders. But nearly not enough for me to actually fucking heal. I also want people to realise how bigoted some are and how horrible the mentality of “fixed fandom standards/ideologies” is and that we as a fandom need to fucking change. Heck I know this issues in every fandom. But can we at least start with ours for a change for once?

Along side all of this there’s also a lot of racism and trans/homophobia that still actively prevails. Just look at what Leah went through when her casting was announced. Did she deserve all of that?? “Not my annabeth” do you realise how horrible that is to say to a CHILD? She is Annabeth whether you like it or not. And you are very welcome to leave if you wish to stick to your stupid racist nonsense.

I bet there are many others who have probably suffered the same may it not be for the same reasons, but everyone of them deserve their apologies and compensation as well.

Idc if I’ll get hate for this. I said what I said. I’m just so done.

I’m sososso tired after work today but. You know that trend of asking your s/o to peel an orange for you? That with yanderes…

“I would die for you, I’ve killed for you, and all you want is for me to peel an orange for you? 🥺” (peels the orange, falling in love with you all over again)

“I would die for you, I’ve killed for you, and all you really wanted was for me to peel an orange for you? 😰” (their hands shake as they peel the orange, wracked with sudden guilt and self-awareness over all their terrible actions)

“I would die for you, I’ve killed for you, and all you want is for me to peel an orange for you? Is that really all you want? 🤨” (peels the orange, but wishes you’d ask for more. unimpressed by ‘mundane’ romance, was really hoping they’d get to kill for you to prove their love)

“I would die for you, I’ve killed for you, and now you want me to peel an orange for you? 😐” (grumbles a little, but peels the orange ‘cause they’re secretly a softie for you)

“I would die for you, I’ve killed for you, and now you want me to peel an orange for you? 😐” (doesn’t peel the orange, and resents that you can’t see how much ‘effort’ they’ve already put into your relationship, or that you feel the need to test them…)

“How many? I would peel every orange on the face of the earth for you 😤,” (unhinged and completely serious. Probably rips the orange slices open/squeezes them to bursting by mistake in their enthusiasm)

*twirls my hair* hiii tged fandom :3

idfk anymore im so tired 😭😭😭

Frank Iero in Koyo’s “You're On The List (Minus One)” music video

if bartylus has zero fans it means i’m dead

and my man thank u to my man

So um. I think I missed something on rottmnt Tumbler.

But.

Just wana say.

Harassing people is never OK. And if you follow me and you have harassed someone. Then please leave. I'm not about all that.

I will never be ok with anyone being made fun of or witch hunted. It's just wrong.

I don't know what happened. And tbh idk if I want to know.

But those are my thoughts, and I want everyone to know them.

OK. Love yall. Gn

wrestling fic writers!!

i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months

if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found

and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom

and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways

a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜

nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you

and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)

as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!

101 comment starters

ao3 floating comment box

kudos html

dont know how to comment? easy solutions

a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)

an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers

and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place

i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together

happy sharing and commenting 💜💜

With Baldur’s Gate 3 a little over a week away, this is a reminder to be kind and patient with the mod authors who have been busting their asses making FREE mods for this game. Version 1.0 will for sure break most, if not all mods. I’m sure most of us are completely fine with waiting a while for them to be updated, but there are already people being obnoxious about mods being updated on or quickly after release day. I adore what the BG3 modding community has already done so far with this game, and I’m excited to see what they make in the future. Let’s make sure we’re giving them the courtesy of enjoying the game like the rest of us, without the stress of making sure all mods are fixed immediately.

sassy ass fucking bitch

GUYS I FUCKING WIN I GET TO DIE IN PEACE NOW

thinking about Andrew getting cute aggression and just kinda squishing Neil or kissing him or something when he's actually fighting against the urge to squeeze his head so hard it pops, he deals with cute aggression so badly, like his hands itch to fold his boyfriend in half and rub his palms over every freckle and every mole and every scar, bite him and chew on his cheek or pull his hair but he just settles for kissing him instead with a straight face as if he isn't fighting for his life against all these foreign emotions bubbling inside him