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#so relieved now all i need to do is quit the job i havent started yet lol
guinevereslancelot · 14 days
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i got the job 🥳
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IMPORTANT UPDATE!!
the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished
while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends
it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow
also some art i never posted
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(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)
i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)
remove the swearing that was so stupid
make omori mute (and probably use sign language)
omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it
he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time
literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful
the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand
make it shorter why did i think that would work out
id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things
it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space
the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that
stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7
and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it
so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.
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kittydcoxx · 3 years
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Stay with Me.
KAEYA X READER.
Warnings: light angst/heartbreak but nothing bad (happy ending)
The tavern was as crowded as usual, and by that meaning almost completely baren for a rainy Wednesday afternoon. As you order a apple cider from Charles, the tavern door bell rings and you instinctively turn to check.
"Ah~ it is pouring out, I need a drink to combat the dissapointment of getting my fur cape wet."
Kaeya. Of course he wasnt the last person you'd expect to see open the tavern doors, he just wasnt much of a "afternoon delight" type drinker. Still, you stare as he tries to cooly swipe off the wet rain from his uniform as he walks towards the counter and takes a seat next to you.
"Well, well! Good afternoon y/n! What a suprise to see a beauty such as yourself here at this hour."
He raises an eyebrow and smirks as he turns to look straight ahead and run his fingers through his hair, not allowing time for you to respond before he has a drink in his hand.
"Afternoon Captain,"
You face him and smirk with the same intensity of flirty-ness as he just had.
"Of course you would be surprised to see me at this hour, you usually drink yourself to sleep before i order a evening drink."
You chuckle and look straight ahead and take a swig of your beverage, the confidence of your little witty come back replays as the cider burns your throat.
"Oh ho, well thats quite the attitude! I must ask, whats the purpose of this?"
"Hmm?"
"The occasion? I've never seen you drink three days in a row, I've been sober enough to pay attention to that."
The truth is, the last few days you've been at a bit of a crossroads. You know you and the Cavalry Captain share feelings, but you have a job offer in Natlan. This job is a dream to you, ever since you were a child. You could never dream of passing this opportunity, but you question if this possible romance could be the first significant one. You've been meaning to bring it up to him, but recently you just havent seen enough of him to bring up the subject. As a result, you turned to the more than occassional drink at the tavern to brighten your mood from the decision that faces you.
"Well then if you're interested, it actually... might concern you."
Your face is flushed red due to nerves, of course it doesnt directly concern him since nothing astronomical has occured in order to absolutely weigh your decision based on a man, but you didnt want to leave without warning.
"I see, well, we haven't..." His cheeks grow the slightest bit red as his eyes skip to look around then back at you.
"we haven't progressed to that yet, have we? I mean, you're not pregnant are you?"
"What?!" You're taken aback by the direct-ness of his statement, about the fact that he thought it could even have been a possibility. Was it confirming your suspicions of him returning feelings? "No, i- its not that! That is out of the question completely!" You yelp as you shake your hands as a frantic meaning of saying "Absolutely no way".
"Of course! of course.. i just figured i'd ask in case, but i guess drinking for a few days regularly isnt particularly healthy for a baby."
You roll your eyes and take another swig. Oh boy.
"It's actually more of an advice thing, i suppose."
"Ah~ well! lets discuss then, hm!" He happily takes a sip of his wine, his face surprisingly relieved.
"So? What do you need the great Master Kaeya's guidance on?" He smiles and giggles slightly.
"Actually, I'd like to take this outside."
"But its raining cats and-"
"Outside. please."
Your tone picks up more aggresively and he gets the memo. He takes one more sip of his beverage and you do the same with yours. You pay Charles and meet Kaeya right at the door.
"Get ready for the rain, sweetheart"
Your heart jumps as he grabs your wrist and swings open the door, pulling you with him down the street, stopping at a small archway behind a building, big enough to comfortably converse without being cramped or drenched.
"Now, where were we?"
"right.. well.." You look down and fidget with your thumbs, only to look back up at him and see him gazing into your eyes, examining your soul and what felt like your heart. Did he already know? It sure felt like it.
"I have a big decision to make, but i want to ask you before i come to a concrete decision."
He nods as a sign to continue talking, acknkowledging his position in helping you decide.
"I might have to move away. To natlan more specifically. I've recieved a dream~ job offer that i simply cant refuse, unless i was faced with new circumstances here in Mondstadt."
"Hm, And how do i play a role in this?" He asks as he folds his arms and leans back against the stone wall.
You explain to him his part, and he lets you talk until you are completely finished. you tell him your feelings, your worries, your doubts, and your hopes. Every single one that included him in the package. He looks at you sternly the whole time, but he looks hurt at the same time and you wonder why.
"Well, i honestly dont know what to say to this y/n. You know i cant leave Mondstadt if we were to persue eachother."
"I know."
"Then why bother telling me? Why not just leave, hm? Before damage could be done? before you told me all this, confirmed my hopes in our relationship but crushed it with the fact that you 'might' leave? You should have just spared me and left!"
He looks emotional and teary eyed, much more that you're used to seeing from a man who held such a cool composure 24/7. Have you hurt him that much? Does he hate you?
"I can always stay if you wan-"
"No. Its your dream job, and you shouldnt pass it off. I just cant promise that i'll wait for you."
He steps closer to you, inches from your face. His breath is warm and it contrasts with the cold rainy air. He slowly takes your hand and hold it in his, then lands a soft passionate kiss onto your lips. A few seconds of the kiss pass and he breaks for air and looks at you, making strong magnetic eye contact with you.
"Y/n, I can't wait for you."
"You dont have to. I can stay."
He runs his hands up your arms and grips firmly onto your shoulders and kisses you again, and when he pulls back he lets out a heavy sigh.
"There's no staying, just be safe. Please."
Your throat swells like a rock is stuck and your eyes burn hot along with your ears. You cant muster any words, you just stand there maintaining a sorrow eye contact for a few seconds.
As you both stare in silence, he slowly lets go of you, and as soon as his hands depart from yours, he turns and walks out and into the road. The further he walks and fades from your vision, the further you slide down the wall until your behind hits the wet floor as you curl up to your knees. Hard, Hot tears stream steadily down your cheeks as you hide your head in your knees, sobbing hard yet silently. Your heart aches and your stomach churns.
You want to run and look for him, grab him by the waist and embrace him in a hug from behind as you cry against his back, but he has already erased you from his plethora of memories as he sulks in his room with a drink. The night is weary and so are you. You walk home, replaying the scene in your mind over and over, and the instant you step into your home, you fall to your knees and sob once more.
You dont even close the door behind you. You cant do anything but cry, you had no idea you felt so strongly for Kaeya, but you had to put it all behind you.
He probably had.
What feels like an hour or two goes by and you barely made it to the couch, where you lay sprawled out, half on the couch and half not as you stare into empty space, thinking of nothing but everything at once. Why did his mood snap so quickly? Why did he cut you off? Was it self defense? What could he gain by pushing you away? You had no clue, but you didn't want to dwell on it and start crying again, so you just lay there trying to fall asleep.
Suddenly, a warm, slender hand grazes your back and rubs up and down softly.
"I'm sorry."
You jolt a little, but you dont get up immediately.
"How long have you been like this? Its almost night again y/n. Have you gotten up at all!? Your door was wide open, I was worried."
No response from you as you try to analyze the voice. It sounds like Kaeya, but you had remind yourself that he wanted nothing to do with you.
The man sighs and walks away. A hallucination for sure, you thought. The male comes back and lifts you by the shoulders. He sits on the couch and then lays your head onto his lap.
You look up and are met with blue eyes, one scarred and one as normal as you're used to seeing on him, though both glossy as if about to cry.
"Kaeya?"
"Mhm. Sit up Darling, you need to drink water."
You obey and sit close beside him, sipping the water he hands you with both hands on the glass like a child. He puts his arm around you and his hand on your head and gives you a soft yet quite long kiss on the head as you finish your water.
"Im sorry. We can work something out. I know that i shouldn't.. I can't push you away."
You dont fight his embrace as it gets firmer, and his body trembles slightly as if he is crying.
"Do you want me to stay?" you ask sheepishly.
"My dear, its up to you what you want. I'll follow you in whatever you decide. Im choosing to persue you, the rest is yours to seal."
"I want to stay." you state calmly.
"As you wish." He eyes your empty glass of water and gets up to pour you some more. When he comes back you sit against him again, and drink the glass empty, then put the glass on the coffee table and lay your head on his lap.  
"Sleepy?"
"Mhm.."
He chuckles and holds you as you fall asleep, giving you tender kisses all over your face. When you fall asleep, he carries you bridal style upstairs to your room and tucks you into your bed. For a moment he stands there and ponders leaving you to rest, but the guilt of the words he said yesterday and seeing your state today convinced him to stay at your side. He walks to the other side of the bed and crawls in beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist and gives you one more peck before falling asleep.
You wake up once in the middle of the night to use the restroom, and when you come back to your room you're awake enough to process the fact that Kaeya was indeed in your bed. You crawl up into where you were in the bed before but this time facing him. You run your fingers along his face, feeling every bone and inch of his smooth skin, his tan beauty enhanced by the glow of the moonlight that peeked in through the window across the room from the bed. Your run your fingers down his hair and admire how his hair falls down his body. You've only been this close to him once, but never had you touched him like this. Your face was red and your smile was definitely pronounced, and as you stroke his cheek his eyes slowly open to see your expression.
"Good morning y/n~" he smiles and wraps his arms around you softly.
"How did you sleep?"
"Actually, its midnight."
"Oh, i see. Well, lets fall back asleep shall we? Or are you wide awake?"
You don't respond immediately but instead wrap your arms around him and hide your face in the crook of his neck.
"Back to sleep.."
He chuckles and brings you closer to his body, rubbing your back and stroking your hair until you both are hazy and about to fall asleep.
"I love you..." you whisper, half aware of what you just said and half not.
He pauses for a second, then gently squeezes your body as if to be his response back.
"I love you too.." he whispers back, his words echo in your mind as you drift to sleep, your dreams filled with nothing but happiness and him. 
You would stay in Mondstadt, but occasionally take trips to Natlan for a few weeks, and would try to take Kaeya with you if he wasn't too busy. The two of you became inseperable, and quite the item for some time, the story of your romance left most who heard it in tears.
After every time you tell the story, he grips your hand and grabs your face softly making you look into his eye.
"I'm glad you stayed."
He says as he pulls you in for a tender kiss, which is usually embarrassing in public but you dont mind in this case, because it was of genuine emotion and not of his flirtatious teasing.
You really do love him.
NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!
This was my first fanfic LMAO
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laraplisetski · 3 years
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Dating Akira Kunimi
A/n: Hello, hello! Sorry for the slow updates, I havent been feeling great about myself but I’ll try to update more often. I hope you enjoy this. Sorry for any mistakes if I've made any:) Also for some reason I keep hearing Unravel in my head and I just- Edit: I just looked and I have 127 followers rn stan nct 127
List of people left from the dating headcanons series.
Kentarō Kyōtani #16
Words: 1200+
Tags: @imthatchishiyasimp, @kekozume​
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He looks so pretty here.
Okay so you two met when you went to collect some information about the team to send to volleyball monthly since you were in the student council.
When you entered and went to the coach to ask him about the things you needed Yahaba tried doing the ball thing on you but he accidentally hit it too hard.
When you saw the ball coming you dodged it.
Unfortunately Kunimi was standing behind you so it hit him instead.
Since you felt bad you offered to get him some ice cream.
He agreed because you looked nice and you weren't one of Oikawa's fangirls.
(good job Yahaba you just got Kunimi a date)
So you two went out to get ice cream and in the middle of the ‘date’ Kunimi realized that he was developing a minor crush on you because he just expected you to buy him ice cream and call it a day.
But instead you're actually interested in the conversation and being very nice. 
After the ‘date’, when you two saw each other in the hallways you would always wave to each other and smile at each other and you developed a sort of friendship.
Everyone knew that you two were crushing on each other and your friends and the volleyball team sorta forced you to confess to Kunimi.
And so you did *rather hesitantly*.
And Kunimi accepted so you guys started dating!! Yay! 
Okay so at the beginning of the relationship he's sort of closed off.
Like from closed off i mean quite and it frustrated you quite a lot cause things were barely different than before.
Because aren't all couples supposed to be cute with each other.
(reminder you both are first years so you guys have no or very less experience with relationships)
So this led to you talking to him about this issue and Kunimi was relieved because he didn't want to make you uncomfortable and you were like :O
So after this Kunimi started to gradually open up more and all was good yet once again.
Also Kunimi would try to be sweeter around you and not try to piss you off like he does to other people.
If you guys would have a fight anyways and he knew he was wrong, he would definitely apologize as soon as he can.
But if you were wrong ohoho
Suffer
But like even if you apologize to him later he’ll like keep it in the back of his mind and every time he wants something he would be like-
‘Remember that time when…’
‘What do you want Kunimi?’ *sighs*
Okay on to cuddling.
This boy loves to cuddle but he's too shy to admit it.
Like he gets all pouty when he wants cuddles and you don't cuddle with him.
That's understandable but like HE DOESN'T ASK FOR THEM.
He just expects you to know somehow and he doesn't even leave any hints.
Like what do you want me to do Kunimi.
Okay but when you two do cuddle hes just like the softest most shyest person.
Personally I think Kunimi would like to be a small spoon, just like 
A blanket is wrapped around you two as you two sit in front of the tv. It buzzes in the background  but you don't pay any mind to it, you only focus on Kunimi. He melts into your touch and you slowly lull him to sleep. You set your head on top of his and bask in the smell of his sweet peony scented shampoo.
But like I mean you get my point.
Then one time you came over to his house and halfway through your hangout you got his hoodie from his closet and he was so confused like why???
And he asked you, it went like this,
‘Oi, why did you take out my hoodie?’
‘Just because’
‘Welp that's creepy’
‘Shut up Kunimi!’
Generally he was very annoyed at first and thought it was borderline creepy cause you don't just take other people's clothes.
But later on he got used to it and if he sees you in school without your jacket he always leaves a spare hoodie in your locker.
Also when you come over to his house now there's a clean hoodie randomly lying on his bed.
I wonder who that might be.
Also when Kunimi takes you to his volleyball practice as well he makes sure to give you his jacket just to piss off Kindaichi that he got a s/o before him.
When he first took you to practice the team literally swarmed you and they were throwing questions from left and right until Iwaizumi gave them all a slap on the back of their heads.
After that they didn't really swarm you but got to know you normally by talking.
Kunimi also tried his damn hardest to keep you away from Oikawa cause Kunimi knows that Oikawa’s an idiot (the Oikawa slander though) but somehow you two became friends???
He still doesn't understand how it happened.
One day he made lunch for you and brought it to school, since you guys meet up in the morning outside the gym, the team saw him giving homemade lunch to you and they teased him ever since.
But other than that Kunimi’s surprisingly into slightly domestic stuff.
Like he wakes up to make breakfast for you sometimes (a skill most likely taught by his sister)
And he just likes to play his ‘calm music’ Spotify playlist and just hum along to it while making you pancakes (which are fucking delicious btw)
And one day you just walk up behind him and give him a bake hug and say, 
‘Didn't know you could make pancakes….
Can you make like three more, I'm very hungry’
And Kunimi just sighs violently and in his mind he's like ____ such a dumbass.
But yk he loves you obviously or he wouldn't make these three extra pancakes for you.
Sometimes when he sees you being a dumbass he's like why do i like them again?
But then he sees your eyes shining when you play around with the rest of your friends and he sees the love and loyalty you have for them and you look over and he sees your pupils dilate and he sees your smile, the one you give him, the one that's reserved for him and he knows the answer to his question.
Even though he likes you (its loveee~)
He still makes fun of you… jokingly.
For example if you try to do a receive and it fails and the ball hits your face instead or something hell snicker at you before trying to help you up.
You beat him up later for laughing at you dont worry.
Bonus point- Kunimi and you don't go out on dates very often so on anniversaries Kunimi plans a date according to your interests.
Like if you're into Attack on Titan hobo eren hot he’ll take you to a theme park based on Attack on Titan.
(I'm so sorry if anyone doesn't like Aot I just used it as an example) 
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clementineesotsm · 3 years
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THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 15, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel
The cliffhanger we saw on last eps was JTE got stabbed by Luna and left alone on street. Thank god people see her and helped her.
The starting of this eps was intriguing, first JY finally ask KSJ to find SJH (eventhough only a few seconds but JY acting here was very good! Also when he says “will you help me?” I can feel the tense) and LR finally calls KSJ ! LR asking KSJ to take Gon flute on his whip, and kill him in process if necessary. I loved how LR describe KSJ as someone who is far from Gon yet close to him. LR acting here was amazing, the intonation his using when he says “i’m sure you have an affection thats sweet and melts quickly” damn, gave me chillsssss! So KSJ now torn between the good side and bad side. Wheter he will help JY or LR? 😎
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We got a glimpse of KSJ mother’s past, she is about to kill KSJ and herself because they are too poor and cannot pay the debt. But “saved” by LR and asked her mother to be his minion in return. I really loved this scene because we can hear LR punchline again “did you pray?” He is consistent! And also how persuasive his approached to this lady, no yelling but said “if you want to throw away your life, why not give it to me?” And loved the acting of LR and KSJ mom here! Amazing
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And, are you ready?! LR is alive in 2020. Making another reliaty created entanglement, as what i saw in a few stories (such as DARK series, read theories etc) so its not quite shocking for me. But this is damn cool. I loved it! He spoke to Nari and once again Nari gave us some insight about LR, she thought it was just for fun, but actually she is gifted! Her character reminds me of professor trewlany somehow. She doesnt shows up much but always informed us some really important information/explanation. She inform LR that his fate is to commit treason and be beheaded.
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Nari did not know who LR is. Then JES came to see Nari and remembering LR face, LR came there to ask JES convey a message to Gon to come Gon’s mom memorial mass day. Seems like he has a big plan there.
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Then JTE confront Luna in front of her house and take her out to be interrogated. JTE talk face to face to Luna, this is a cool scene, because them talking to each other like looking at mirror. Apparently Luna did not kill JTE because she grows affection to JTE father. Luna has a heart after all.
And KGE was amazing here, we can tell who is Luna and who is JTE just by looking! And the time stops while they touching their hair at the same time is 💯💯💯
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Time stops means? Someone is coming! And its Gon!! He is back!! He is looking for JTE at the office but she was not there, then he goes to hospital 😭😭 this scene was well made! The acting, camera placement, i definetly loved the zoom in into their face so we can see their eyes and facial expression better. So sad but relieving
What i loved about the romance of this series was both lovers communicating so naturally. All their hugs and conversation seems flowing all right and conveyed the feelings well to audience (me!). JTE asking Gon to stay and they talk about the new reality they make. Things are happened faster and flow differently because JTE decide to believe in Gon faster than the initial. This is beautiful and answering all the claimed by harsh people who said they fall in love to quickly. But even if they dont have the new reality, i never think they falls in love to quickly though. All naysayers just dont understand it, and im pissed! Look at them and their beautiful story 🥺 and i loved how JTE becoming more of a stoic character at this point. My symbol of hope 🥺 loved her line here “there’s no way that fate can be broken easily. The larger the fate, the more you need to walk to reach your destination. We just havent reached out destination yet” and Gon slight smile after 🥺
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Gon calls JY and he came with KSJ. Another thing i appreciate from this series is the writer never bother to gave us some unnecessary problem. Like in this scene, we can see KSJ very honest expressing LR intention of using him to kill Gon. Eventually we got the answer that he is always on the good side. He helps Gon instead.
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So KSJ helps JY and Gon to find SJH. They did not intended to go see her and talk to her, but fate brings them to see each other and talk. Seriously throughout this scene i was ugly cry because it was so heart breaking. Gon looking at her with affection and also guilt. SJH looking at him with affection and also anger. Both understand they are in a very unfortunate situation but the pain is there, what happened, happened, i somehow sense both hide some relief to see each others, for Gon who never sees his mom growing up, and for SJH who never got a chance to see her son growing up. I loved SJH character here, eventhough she felt anger but she also felt pity to Gon and offer Gon a help. Setting time for Gon to come 2 days before the memorial mass to stop LR. And SJH best line yet most heart breaking was “dont die because of me. Im not your mother” i wanted to gave standing applause to LMH and SJY here for acting their part so amazing! Messages conveyed well! The writer do a good job. A very good script present here
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Gon going back to hospital to take care of JTE before he go back to Corea. He asked JY to let him take care of her until she can at least be okay on her own. This sounds like goodbye forever to me and im not prepared for this. Both of them deserve to be happy but they are coming from a different universe 🥺 their moments in the hospital was sweet yet heartbreaking.
Just when you think this cant be more heartbreaking, they show us JY and JES says goodbye to each other 😭 despite being a doppelganger they grew fond of each other like brothers and not ended up killing each others. Also they made a promise to see each other again someday. I cant 🥺🥺 now i need some spin off of their story ! And kudos for WDH for acting his part very well ! I grew some respect for him now.
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And now its time for Gon to say goodbye to JTE. Seriuosly, eps 15 was too much. At this point what i can think of was this series will going to end in sad ending. Because that was the most possible way to solve all this mess. As Gon planned, he will go to the past once again and stop LR before he even lay hands on the flute. So Gon will stop the 2 world colided from the beginning. Its like a reset. And to do that he asked JTE to let him go and do the needful. One heartbreaking line was
JTE “if our worlds flow differently from the present, then i’ll live without knowing you”
Gon “our worlds have already gone so wrong. There are so many reasons to change the past. And that is the only way”
Gon “so, tell me to go. Tell me to leave. Please. Im asking someones permission for the first time in my life. If you stop me, i cant leave”
JTE “tell me you’ll come back. Thats the 10th rule. No matter what happens, you have to come back. Thats the 11th rule. Catch LR, and even if the door closes, open all the doors in the universe and return to me. Promise me. Thats the 12rh rule”
Gon “i will. Open all the door in the universe and come back to you”
The music is Maze which is very suitable for the situation and the hug at the end 🥺🥺🥺🥺
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To be continue..
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redwoodrroad · 5 years
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more fun oc stuff, featuring eridunis and his dad!
as well as sleepy mumblings about logan thackeray and little thoughts about his life and what he's about. it's all under the cut, and i kept out major plot things--there are a couple of major like life-altering things in heart of thorns and path of fire, so i'll vaguely reference them, and if you've played those campaigns, you'll know what im talking about, and if you haven't played it, i'll never tell ;)
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youu aare my daaad--you're my dad! boogie woogie woogie!
alright so starting from when eridunis started growing up in the orphanage, logan's brother, Dylan, was the captain of the seraph, right, it's canon that he's been captain of the seraph since logan was a Youth; eridunis has most of his interactions with dylan throughout his younger life. this is kind of where..... im not quite sure about the full extent of logan's and dylan's contempt for each other? we know that dylan sees logan as.... sort of childish, dishonorable--especially since logan becomes a mercenary as a young adult (we're also not completely sure how old these guys are, so bear with me, i have thoughts about that)--and logan doesn't really have any respect for dylan either because he thinks being a queen's guard is like. snobbish? that's a pretty easy way to put it. and it feels like the age difference is really rough--if logan is a kid by the time dylan becomes a seraph, and even if we assume that dylan was reasonably young when he became a seraph--let's say 18-20, pretty standard--logan was probably somewhere around 10-12 years old, "young boy" age as he's described on the wiki. so 8-10 years is really tough on sibling dynamics, and we can't even be sure how these guys were raised because we also dont know a dang thing about their parents but it’s fine
with that in mind..... i still wanna give them the benefit of the doubt and say that once logan becomes a mercenary, they have the type of relationship where they still talk, and maybe logan comes back to divinitys reach and pays him a visit if only for sake of Trying to be like a family. they're still (human) BROTHERS, you know; if nothing else, they were probably raised to be social with each other SO i imagine that logan comes back sometimes and walks around with dylan and they idly argue about their morals
dylan, of course, keeps an eye on the salma district because these fun little orphan kids mess around and pull pranks on rich assholes who dont seem to have any patience for kids with no parents. eridunis is among those funny kids, and once he's maybe around 7-8, he starts running around the salma district and causing problems along with quinn and later riot alice (like in their teenage years more-so), and he's one that dylan really keeps a Close eye on. dylan tells logan about his issues with some of the young kids at the orphanage, and logan probably tells him off about it, like "you should care more about why those kids are acting out; you just see them as delinquents" etc; and ok back on track, eridunis meets logan when dylan takes logan to the orphanage one time, and eridunis is Obviously among the youngest there--even quinn and alice are at least a year older than him, and he's also pretty small, and he has that big mop of red curly hair, and logan is like "oh..... this kid does not deserve this life, none of them do"
so when logan comes back more often, he probably spends more time getting to know the orphans than he spends time with dylan, and they're both sort of okay with that. ofc logan has that moment of family panic when he's called back to defend jennah, and dylan dies, and he takes his place as seraph captain. so this is 1320 AE at this point: eridunis is 15, and i sort of like to imagine that logan at least fifteen years older than him, so i feel like it's pretty accurate to say he's about 30 by then.
alright this is getting friggen long enough, and i havent even really gotten to eridunis yet--eridunis really gets to know logan in those five years, and logan realizes that his earlier feelings of heartwrench for the kid may. have been misplaced. because this kid is annoying and doesnt seem to be taking logan or any seraph seriously, but logan also doesnt want to ?? arrest him??? he's a KID; he'd rather let eridunis get away with petty, silly crimes that really only disturb the peace more than anything else, because eridunis is honest enough to give logan any money he's stolen (if he's caught), it's just that he's not. learning from it lol eridunis.... around that time.... starts fooling around with quinn (and later, alice, experimentally) a little, and uh. it's not great? it's really just kids experimenting, but let me just say that he really regrets doing those very adult things so young--he's glad, at least, that he did them with people he trusts; he would have a lot more regret if he was sleeping around at that age. im sure logan catches eridunis getting frisky with quinn in an alley around 16 / 17, and he sits eridunis down in his office and is like "look, i know it's not completely appropriate for me to give you this kind of talk, im not your father, but everyone deserves to have a talk like this" and eridunis is like
"oh no"
so logan tells him all about how he matters and he wants eridunis to make good choices, all that good stuff; eridunis is >:( but he also sort of appreciates it.... he appreciates it more later, when he's older, and it's probably what holds him back from going all out as a horny youth.
i think he and logan bond more over stories logan tells about his mercenary work, and he tells eridunis about destiny's edge--albeit with some remorse, details held back, for the loss of glint and snaff and also the respect of his companions. eridunis is totally starting to look up to logan by this point, so he's like "screw all of them!! you did what you had to do!!" and logan is like "woah i mean i appreciate that, but.... eh you're probably right, rytlock was being real nasty to me so forget him" and eridunis is like "yeah, fuck him!!" and logan is like "NO--language, eridunis!"
once eridunis hits 20, we come to the personal story--eridunis is still incredibly young, but he's honing his necromancy skills (skills he started messing with when he was much younger, but he's never had a real weapon until now), and he becomes !! the hero of shaemoor! but of course he fucks up again, and this is also where i drift away from the canon a little, because i imagine that he doesn't talk to logan immediately, he goes back to the salma district to chill out, you know, steal some wallets--and he's immediately caught by the seraph Again, and this time, like i said in the other post i made about this, logan is like "i can either arrest you and put you in jail because ministers are mad, OR you can help me out with gang violence, and i can try to give you a job with the seraph."
and then we move through the personal story, and at each turn, eridunis is updating logan and excitedly telling him about his adventures. eridunis also takes plenty of opportunities to complain to logan about his new traveling partner, this agonizing magister who's snobbish and self concerned and maybe just a Little pretty--needless to say, eridunis comes back to logan's office all bashful like "youll never believe this.... i have a boyfriend. and it's arkus" and logan is instantly like "YOU CAME TO ME EVERY CHANCE YOU COULD GET TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS PERSON, AND NOW YOURE JUST HEAD OVER HEELS HUH" and eridunis yells back "YEAH WELL IM WEAK AND SHUT UP" but it’s all good haha
ofc eridunis helps logan fix his relationship with rytlock and the other destinys edge people, and theres just a lot of very positive father-son type things in general
and once we hit... heart of thorns......... eridunis is so worried about logan, and it adds a Lot onto his stress among.... other things. which i'll save for another post. anyway, by the time he sees logan again, logan is injured, and eridunis's fear for logan's life isn't really getting any better, but as he heals through season 3, eridunis is visiting him, writing to him, and he's so relieved when logan does heal up just fine.
once we hit path of fire, the opposite happens, and logan has a terrifying moment where he has to imagine a world without someone he really truly sees as his son, and i just imagine logan collapsing at his desk, and when taimi or canach likely contact him again with the news, he's so relieved that he just. breaks down. it’s a bad time, but it could have been way worse forever. eridunis takes some time to heal himself, and logan visits him a couple times, so thankful that he's okay
last thing i wanna say is with respect to the most recent chapter, all or nothing--eridunis is incredibly distraught as a result, and there's a moment where eridunis has to just hide from everyone in his tent, and arkus tries to take care of him, but eridunis eventually asks him to get logan, he just needs extra support from the only parental figure he's ever had. so arkus brings logan to the tent, and eridunis just..... leans against logan for a long time, cries a lot, arkus rubs his back and all that, and eventually, once eridunis calms down, logan gets to tell eridunis how much he cares about him, how he sees eridunis as a son, how he's always had an incredible amount of respect for eridunis, and okay it's very sweet but it's really making eridunis want to cry AGAIN because he sort of feels like he doesn't even deserve that respect for the mistakes he's made, but that's just how it be on this bitch of an earth, eridunis! you have a dad now, and he loves you! it means a lot for eridunis, who soon passes out and leaves arkus to chat with logan about how cool it was for logan to say all that, knowing eridunis looks up to him, and they take a moment to reminisce as father-in-law and gnc-son-in-law about the adventures so far
that's about all i have! i might go into more detail about specific moments within chapters, but this is long enough and i wanted to get it out there because im proud of the thought ive put into these boys already. i hope you enjoyed!
bonus pics!
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sunnysidewrites · 6 years
Text
Soulmate!Woozi
Requested by anon: This is going to be an odd request, but if you had seen the Disney short, "Paperman" and could use the idea of it in a scenario with Woozi? If you haven't seen it, I recommend it~
omg so i watched it right after i saw this pop up in my inbox and lemme tell u it was so freakin cute thank u anon for enlightening me with this cute lil short love u <3333 i hope it was what you wanted bb!! also excuse the gross quality of this,, i havent written an actual separate thing in so long but hope this is somewhat decent :))) <3333
REQUESTS ARE OPEN BTW SO DROP IN SOME STUFF FOR ME TY TY I HOPE I WONT BE A LAZY ASS AND WILL ACTUALLY DO SOME WRITING
warnings: paper cuts. no paper airplanes were hurt in the making of the process but jihoon sure was
Every day, every single day, was the same old for lil Jihoon
An ordinary office job, an ordinary house, an ordinary lifestyle
Sure, it’s stable. His mouth is fed and a roof over his head hey that rhymes hehe but it’s so dull and lonely
You know that soulmate au where all you see is black and white until you meet them?? Yep. that’s it. That’s the tweet.
But the two people have to actually lock eyes -- it can’t just be someone seeing the other across the street
All of his friends are slowly marrying their soulmates and jihoon is just like hahHAHAhahaha guess i’ll marry my boring as hell job!!!!!
You’d think jihoon is most likely to marry his job right??? Mmm yeah that only applies if he likes his job sigh poor dude
Probably the most eventful thing that has happened to him in the past four years is “spicing things up a bit” amd spreading strawberry cream cheese on his bagel rather than regular cream cheese :(((
He needs some EXCITEMENT!!! ADVENTURE!!!
Can’t really do that when you’re stuck in a cubicle from 8-5pm can you smh
He didn’t expect -- ok well he probably did actually -- to have a painstakingly slow and mundane life when he moved to the city those years ago but it’s not like he can complain about having a stable life,,,, right?
You’re in the same slump as your soulmate without even realizing it
You landed a job at this fairly large corporation, and the pay was enough for your everyday living expenses
Each day, you stood before your reflection in a cute yet professional suit
You thought that this was what you’ve always wanted to be: a successful career person
Yeaaaa that’s not working out like you imagined it would be :(((
It sucks even more since you only see black and white so the boring factor just amped up by x30 more sigh rip you reader
Anyways, Jihoon was at the subway station as per usual, waiting for his 7:30am train to come
He’s carrying a huge stack of papers nECK HIGH so when the top paper starts blowing away he’s like oH NO NONOONO
Luckily (or is it unluckily?) the paper lands right in front of your face and he’s like oh,,,,, crap. There’s a bright red lipstick mark smack in the middle of the page LMAO
He wants to reach out for it but his hands are a little busy at the moment, but fortunately you laugh it off and place it back on his pile
He’s relieved as h*ck that you didn’t go nuts and tear his head off
It’s also a nice bonus you’re hella cute too ;))) some nice eye candy in the morning for the both of yall
You don’t quite make proper eye contact,,, it’s more like one of yall are looking at the other only when the other isn’t looking back
He’s about to work up the courage to say something to you, but as soon as he turns back to you, you’ve disappeared!!!
You lock eyes again on either side of the train and then it’s farewell T_T
The next few weeks he’s going INSANE and thinking about you no matter how much he tries to bury himself in his work
Quite literally. Those papers just keep multiplying rip jihoon
His boss is just like ohmYGOD WE DON’T HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD GET A MOVING!!!!
One day when he’s at his desk, his boss --
You guessed it
-- plants down a new stack of papers
Is this some daily ritual or smth idk man
Truth be told, he kept that paper with your lipstick mark on tucked in one of his desk drawers as a friendly reminder of the lost opportunity he screwed up on :))) good job my dude
He sighs and turns his head to stare out the window for a moment when he nearly jumps oUT OF his skin
There you are in your nice and polished suit, sitting in the room diRECTLY ACROSS FROM HIM IN THE NEXT BUILDING
He tries waving and just about anything to get your attention, but you’re too absorbed in engaging with someone else so he’s frantically trying to come up with another method
And there it is. He looks at the pile of papers and a lightbulb goes off
45 pages of paper airplanes later, you stiLL haven’t noticed anything rip all those airplanes failed. The closest he ever got sailed right in the back behind you but you didn’t notice it :’((
Soon, he uses up aLL his papers and his boss catches him doing some weird stuff so he shuts down the window and forces him to focus rip jihoon no one is on his side. On top of giving him another stack of documents ofc
Him: this is so sad alexa play i won’t give up on us
Anyways he tries to go back to his work but when his boss leaves he’s back to those airplanes
He runs out again and this time he’s like ok. I have no choice but to use The Last Resort
He makes a final airplane using the lipstick paper and IT STILL FAILS RIP BYE END OF STORY
He sighs frustratedly and gives up but since this is based on the disney short, some magical stuff happens LMAO
All of his failed airplanes come to life and ATTACK THE HELL OUT OF HIM WHEN HE TRIES TO LEAVE
Simultaneously, the lipstick airplane also comes to life and is discreetly flying through the city to catch you when you’re walking back to the train station to head home
Jihoon’s airplanes are viciously attacking him -- ngl looks pretty painful -- but they’re pushing him towards your direction all while your special airplane is leading you to him!!!
The city onlookers are freaked tf out seeing a man with 20 airplanes attached to his body and attacking him but a plane’s gotta do what a plane’s gotta do right folks??
Jihoon tries to move out of the train that the planes pushed him onto but they firmly hold him back the poor man
You’ve been following this lil lovely plane for a while now and just when you think of heading back, you meet a very familiar man but he’s… completely covered in airplanes
The boy keeps struggling against the planes and it’s super hard to walk and see when all he sees are blurs of flying white around him but he comes to a sudden halt when he sees the face he’s been thinking about for weeks
All the planes on his body slowly fall down and the second you lock eyes, colors just bURST into your vision
You’re not sure how the airplanes did their magic, but it’s definitely the least of your worries rn
He shyly chuckles and rubs his hand on the back of his neck, a tinge of pink coloring his cheeks (which you can NOW SEE YAY)
You look at the gigantic pile of airplanes crowding his feet and you can’t help but giggle when you connect the dots
“Did you really spend that much paper and time folding all of these?”
“It’s… a long story, but I’m glad I did. I think I have a bunch of cuts from them jamming into me earlier tho :(“
“Hmm, how about we properly communicate over some dinner?”
He smiles boyishly and nods in agreement
“As long as there’s no lemonade involved”
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philsdrill · 6 years
Text
Chapter 39: Sometimes It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
Fic Summary: “Everyone had a link with their soulmates, some could hear some of their partners thoughts, some had a tattoo that would appear with their partners name; for me, I knew when they got sick.” For a while Phil has thought that his soulmate might have an eating disorder and doesn’t expect to meet him in the restaurant where he works.
Genre: a lot of fluff, recovery, really fucking domestic, waiter!Phil
Warnings: eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, hospitals, panic attacks, references to past abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of self-harm, a lot of awkwardness, small amounts of smut. This is potentially triggering so for your own sake, please think twice about reading if anything this might affect you.
Disclaimer: I don’t have personal experience with eating disorders, but have done some research. If I have anything about them wrong, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll sort it out.
Word Count (for this part): 8.7k
[Uploads will be hopefully every couple of weeks! (follow @philsdrill-updates to hear when I post)]
A/N: It’s a long chapter so it took me a long time, okay. Partially due to the fact I went to Canada for a week and was super busy (featuring jetlag, dehydration and murdering my feet by walking too far)! It was a good time but it kinda put my writing behind by a week. Hope you enjoy!
MASTERPOST
<= Previous Chapter
Dan’s POV:
I never thought I’d find myself working in a café, not after all my issues with food, but here I was. Phil was friends with one of the staff and when he heard they were looking for an extra employee, he wondered if this would be a good opportunity for me. I didn’t even know what I was looking for in terms of a job, but when Phil said his friend was willing to give me a couple of shifts as a trial, I realised there was no harm in trying.
The probationary shifts went well. I found that I was perfectly capable of making and serving sugary coffees and cakes, so long as I wasn’t eating them. In a way, it made me feel a little better about myself, that what I was eating was pretty good in comparison. I occasionally found the doughnuts staring back at me from the counter, but at least I knew to expect them being there. Surprise doughnuts were another story, but when I turned around expecting to see them, I wouldn’t really feel anxious.
Thankfully, my anxiety had been manageable and my new job hadn’t given me anything to be anxious about so far. Phil’s college was just along the road, so sometimes when he had breaks from his cooking classes he would come along to have his lunch or just a coffee. Sometimes I’d be able to have my lunch with him, but not always. Lunch was a busy time and my breaks depended on the shifts and the other staff I was on with. It was quite calming to know he was just five minutes away if I did happen to need him and I think he felt better too, knowing I was nearby.
The other staff were lovely and I’d even go so far as to say I’d made a couple of friends. I usually worked with Sarah and Andy, or at least one of them was usually on the same shift as me. They were both kind people, and I was slowly opening up to them about some of my issues. Sarah, being Phil’s friend that had helped get me the job, already knew about my eating disorder and was nothing but supportive about it from the beginning.
There was one day, when I wasn’t quite feeling like eating, that the prospect of finishing my ham and lettuce sandwich was just too much. I’d eaten almost half of it, but with every bite I took, I felt a little more nauseous, my skin crawling at the thought of the greasy butter that I could feel on my tongue. I didn’t think twice about tossing the rest of it in the food waste, presuming Sarah was too busy working to notice.
“Dan?” she looked up, making eye contact with me and laying a plate down, “You okay? You not eating?”
“No more, can’t do it today,” I said, feeling my words get caught in my throat a little, “Eating makes me feel a bit sick sometimes.”
“How much did you have?” she asked, flipping the lid up on the bin to take a look, “Half?”
“Yeah,” I nodded, filled with a sudden fear that she was going to make me eat more.
“That’s okay,” she nodded, squeezing my arm a little, “Did you have something to drink?”
I shook my head, realising that no, I hadn’t.
“What d’you like? A can of something? Hot chocolate? Blackcurrant squash?” she prompted.
“Uhh blackcurrant squash would be good,” I said, not bothering to think what else I could have; that sounded the best option out of what she suggested.
“Okay great,” she said, getting out a glass and the bottle of squash, making it up for me, “Now go grab a chair from the back and bring it in here.”
I went to get a chair, appreciating the effort she was making to ensure I was okay. As I carried the chair, I felt a bit weak; I knew I really should eat more, but that wasn’t going to help my mental block on doing so.
“Sit down,” she said softly, “Now here’s your juice.”
I sat down on the chair and took the juice from her, starting to sip on it slowly. I wasn’t too bothered by the flavour, but it washed away the buttery sandwich remains from my mouth, something that I welcomed a lot. Part of me was itching to get the bottle and look at the sugar content, but I could feel Sarah keeping an eye on me.
Sarah handed the plate she’d been working on through the front to Andy, then turned back to me. “How’re you doing with that juice?”
“Good,” I nodded, “I think it’s helping ‘cause I don’t feel like I have sandwich in my mouth anymore.”
“Okay good,” she smiled, “Think that’ll keep you going for the afternoon?”
“Hopefully,” I nodded, knowing that my body probably did need more food, but it had coped on less before, so I knew I could do it.”
That afternoon had been a difficult one as I went through various stages of having energy from my juice, then a gap where I felt tired and awful. I wasn’t meant to have a break but Andy made me a hot chocolate and sent me through the back drink it. Thankfully, I made it through the rest of my shift alright, and by dinnertime I was actually feeling up to eating properly again. I’d let Phil know of my struggle, just to keep him in the loop with my mental wellbeing. So far, that had been the only day where my eating disorder had had any effect on me at work.
There was another day where I opened up to Andy about my anxiety. Not long before ten, we had a customer, who came in, ordered a coffee so sit in and sat down in the corner of the cafe it drink it. Being a quiet spell, I found my eyes wandering slightly, not necessarily intending to watch the customer, but doing so anyway. The woman took some pills with her coffee, maybe paracetamol or something, but I didn’t see the packet. I was hit with a sudden realisation, one of those ‘oh shit I forgot something’ moments. I’d forgotten to take my medication this morning.
In realising this, my eyes remained on the customer, my mind elsewhere but my eyes staring at her. Andy must’ve noticed this because they waved a hand in front of my face, “Dan, you okay? You’re staring?”
“Uhhmm… I…” I said, feeling at a loss about what to tell them, “I just realised I forgot to take my medication this morning.”
“D’you need it urgently or is it something you’ll be okay without until later?” Andy asked, their voice calming.
“I think I’ll be okay, but I should text Phil to let him know,” I explained, feeling I needed Phil’s assurance that I would be okay.
“Right, go through the back and text him or whatever,” Andy nodded, “I’m good out here on my own for five minutes.”
I made my way through the kitchen and into the back room, where we left our outdoor clothes and took our breaks. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up a new message to Phil.
Umm I just realised I forgot to take my medication this morning. I’ll be fine without it, right?
Shortly after the message sending, I noticed that Phil was typing.
Yeah, you should be fine! but I have a free hour next so how about I drive home, get it and bring it to you?
Feeling a wave of relief at the thought of taking my medication like I should have, I replied to Phil quickly.
That would be great if you don’t mind? I guess I’m just worried I’ll get withdrawal symptoms or be more prone to having an attack because I havent had it
I hit send, waiting for a confirmation that Phil definitely didn’t mind going to get it for me.
It’s fine, honestly :) I’ll see you in like half an hour
Relieved, I slid my phone back into my pocket and made my way back to the front counter, where I let Andy know the news, “Phil’s got a free hour at college next so he’s going to pop home and bring it here for me.”
“Okay great,” Andy smiled, “That’ll stop you worrying.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, relieved.
“Are you sick or something then if you’re taking medication?” Andy asked slowly, a slightly puzzled expression on their face, “Sorry if its personal, you can ignore me.”
“Not really,” I answered, thinking for a minute; I trusted Andy, so there was no reason I couldn’t just tell them the truth, “I have an anxiety disorder and mild PTSD.”
“Oh… Dan…” Andy said, sounding sorry for me, approaching me with open arms.
I let Andy hug me for a moment, appreciating the little bit of comfort after just telling them such a big thing.
“My uh... ex-girlfriend was verbally abusive about my weight,” I explained, trying to get my head around what I wanted to tell them, “I got out of it when it started to go physical, but I was already in a bad place by then. You know about my eating issues, but I sometimes get flashbacks about her and things she said or did… and then general anxiety about my weight, food, eating habits and even things like stress and big life changes.”
I felt some tears welling in my eyes as I opened up to Andy about my problems. It wasn’t something I’d talked about to anyone other than my therapist, and mine and Phil’s families. I took a deep breath and rubbed my left eye with my thumb, trying to appear stronger than I was feeling.
“Dan,” Andy said softly, “Are you okay? Like at this moment?”
“I’m fine,” I said, my voice cracking, “I just want a hug from Phil.”
“He’ll be here soon,” Andy reminded me, squeezing my shoulder slightly, “You want to go take a seat and get yourself a glass of water, as we’re quiet?”
“I’ll get some water,” I said, not really wanting to leave the front counter in case Phil was early.
I grabbed a clean mug and filled it from the tap, leaning against a clear part of the counter to drink it. I took a few deep breaths to calm me, reminding myself that it was okay that Andy knew, in fact it was probably a good idea for me to have opened up to someone at work about my anxiety problems.
Andy must’ve sensed when I was ready to talk again, because soon a carefully worded question came my way, “Has working here affected your anxiety at all, with you having issues with food?”
“It’s okay most of the time because I’m not the one eating it,” I explained, “The only thing which bothers me is the doughnuts, had a bad experience with them, but I can deal with it.”
“You’ll let me know if you ever start to feel anxious while you’re working, right?” Andy asked, “I can’t say for sure I can help, but I’ll do my best. I understand anxiety to some extent, having struggled with my own mental health.”
“I’ll try,” I said truthfully, knowing I would be able to unless I was just suddenly hit by a panic attack, “If anything happens, I’m sure you’ll know about it.”
“Thanks, I’d like to be able to help if you need it,” Andy nodded, taking the empty mug from my slightly shaking hands and refilling it.
When Phil arrived, we’d just hit a busy spell, where Andy and I were both serving customers. Phil looked like he didn’t quite know whether to stand in line or wait around somewhere. When I spotted his confusion, I waited for the momentary gap between two customers and shouted to him just to head through the back, pointing to the ‘staff only’ door at the back of the café. It would take him through to the breakroom come cloakroom, which I would access through the kitchen.
After serving my next customer, Andy told me to go, insisting that they could deal with the remaining customers. I made my way through the kitchen to the back room, briefly explaining to Sarah on the way, as I grabbed myself a glass of water to take my tablet with.
Phil was sat on a chair near to my coat, my box of antidepressants on his knee. He patted the chair next to him for me to come over, “You’ve got some water, good.”
I sat next to Phil and leaned into his side for a moment before taking my medication from him.
“Are you okay?” Phil asked me, sliding an arm around my shoulders, “You seem a bit… jittery?”
“I kind of ended up explaining about my anxiety to Andy and they were good with it, but it was just difficult for me to say, I guess…” I explained, “C-can I get a hug?”
“Of course,” Phil said, softly, his expression going a little gooey. He set my medication and water down on the table, before wrapping his arms around me completely. I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment, enjoying his comforting smell, the feeling of his body wrapped around me, holding me close. I felt warm and safe in his arms, felt that everything would be okay... and that was just what I needed.
I could always hug Phil for longer, but I knew I had medication to take and a job to get back to, so reluctantly, I pulled away and got down to taking my tablet. Pop it out the packet, swallow it, wash it down with water, it was all routine by now. I sighed as I laid the empty glass down on the table, leaning back in the chair to enjoy my last moment before I inevitably had to get back to work.
We finished our exchange with another hug, and a promise from Phil that he would come by at lunchtime. It was comforting to see him again, but at the end of the day, I was fine. It felt good to know that not only was Phil nearby when I was working, but I now had Andy in the loop. They understood to an extent and would help me with my anxiety if it came up at work.
--
Once he had settled into college and his cooking classes, Phil found that he still had the time to work the odd shift at the restaurant. He had become supply cover now, one of the people his boss would phone up if someone else called off sick or they couldn’t find someone to cover a shift. He had no obligation to take a shift, but he often would presuming he had the time.
Although I was working pretty much full time now, we were still getting financial help from our parents. My parents had reduced their contribution now that I was working, but Phil was getting some help from his now as he was at college and only able to work some of the time. It felt good to know that I was capable of earning a steady income, and I knew that if Phil and I were both working, we could be self sufficient.
For the time being, our schedules were more or less aligned. Phil’s schedule varied a bit, but he was in classes Monday to Friday, give or take the odd day here and there. I too usually worked Monday ‘til Friday, nine until five, but I’d get a short day once a week. Apart from the odd time Phil took on a work shift, it gave us all of our evenings and weekends together. It was good for us to have that kind of schedule, because we got into a better routine with getting up, eating dinner and going to bed at more or less the same time each day. Phil would still crash when he came home from work, but in general he seemed less tired.
I was still attending my therapist appointments regularly and whilst I still wasn’t in a completely stable mental state, I would say I was doing the best I had in awhile. I still had little anxious moments, times I’d need to take five minutes here and there to calm myself, but I found my beta-blocker medication rarely moved from my coat pocket these days. I knew I still couldn’t be without it; something could still trigger a panic attack, but it was nice to be feeling a bit better overall. I had people I could talk to and trust if anything got too much and my life had fallen into a routine where there wasn’t much that could overwhelm me.
--
I guess it was a given that something would happen eventually, that someday my anxiety would catch up with me at work, however, I didn’t expect it to happen in the way that it did.
You get into a routine of serving customers, some want coffee, some want sandwiches, but the motions are mostly the same. Occasionally someone asks for something you’ve run out of and you have to explain apologetically, would they like something else? Sometimes you get elderly confused people who come in looking for lipstick and you just have to smile and suggest the nearest pharmacy instead.
Some people are regulars and others you never see again, but you never expect to see the people from your past who you hoped you’d never see again. On the day in question, I was working with with Sarah, Andy and Ben. Andy was working from nine to three and Ben from twelve until six. Shifts varied, but it was always important to cover the lunch rush.
Ben and I had been non stop serving coffees for a while, putting the sandwich orders back into the kitchen for Andy and Sarah to make up. Coffees, cakes, sandwiches, cold drinks; everyone would order something different and it could sometimes get a little overwhelming. Even at two-thirty, we still had a queue. My coping mechanism was to focus solely on the person at the front and getting through their order as quickly and efficiently as I could. I didn’t really have much glimpse of who was behind until I called ‘next’ and the next person stepped forwards.
I finished making a man a latte and passed it out to him, calling forward the next person in the queue and looking up to see who it was next. I felt so much shock, so much fear, the instant I saw her face. Face coated in makeup, framed by greasy brown hair. I’d once thought she was beautiful, but now I wanted to throw up just by looking at her.
“Can I get a cappuccino and a chocolate doughnut please?” she asked, her voice almost mocking.
I’m surprised her order even reached my ears, but I managed to put my hands and feet on autopilot and get through the motions of making her a cappuccino and getting a doughnut out of the cabinet. Meanwhile, my heart was pounding, my chest felt tight and I was definitely struggling to breathe as I told her her total at the cash register.
“That’s four pounds forty nine,” I told her, choking slightly on the ‘nine’ and having to repeat myself.
She handed over a five pound note, which I took with shaking hands and put into the till, grabbing her fifty-one pence change. As I dropped it into her hand, something went wrong, my hand shook and jolted, touching hers for just a fraction of a second. That hand had pointed at various parts of my body, poked me in the stomach and slapped me in the face. I couldn’t be near her and now that I had finished serving her, my only logical thought was to get out of here.
I stumbled through the kitchen to the back room, where I collapsed into the chair nearest my coat. Medication, I needed my medication. Fumbling through the pockets, I found it eventually, bringing the tub out of my pocket and grasping it in my hand. I needed water, why hadn’t I thought of that. I needed water to take these. My throat felt tight and that would make it hard enough to get them down.
I barely even noticed I was sobbing as flashbacks started to intrude my mind, particularly one of her holding an empty doughnut box, a look of pure evil on her face. “What the fuck, you fat imbecile. You ate my entire box of doughnuts - you were fat enough already, you worthless piece of flab! Do you not understand the meaning of my doughnuts?”
Then another one, from earlier in our relationship, when unknowingly, things were starting to go downhill. “Dan, maybe you should go to the gym more. Like wouldn’t sex be better if you had a little more stamina, maybe lose a little weight and you’ll be hot as fuck.”
“Dan, I’m not letting you be on top again until you lose some weight, you’re crushing me.”
“Dan, you don’t really need breakfast when you ate so much for dinner…”
“Please stop eating all my snacks, Dan, it’s not good for you.”
“I’m not having sex with you until you’re under sixty kilos.”
At the time, when I thought I loved her, I thought she was just trying to do what was good for me. It wasn’t until she slapped me in the face that it hit me, literally. She’d yelled so much that day, I could still hear it ringing in my ears.
What the actual fuck Dan?
Get the fuck out of my life.
Confusion hit me as a voice broke through the yelling. No one had been there to break it up; it was just me and her to fight it out.
“Dan,” a voice repeated, softly, “Dan, you there?”
It was Andy, I realised as I opened one of the eyes I had scrunched shut in trying to protect myself. They were crouched next to me, looking concerned, lips moving but I wasn’t getting half of what they were saying.
“Dan, are you hearing me?” they asked, this time enough words getting through for me to understand.
“A little,” I choked, nodding.
“Dan, try and take a deep breath or two, okay. What do you need?” they said, slowly moving their hand so it was within grabbing distance of mine.
“Water, these, ‘n’ Phil,” I choked out, opening my hand a little to show my tub of pills.
“Okay, two seconds,” Andy said, hurrying to the kitchen door and shouting something in to Sarah.
“Sarah’s on the water,” Andy said, returning to pull a chair over next to me, “You want to get your tablet out?”
Nodding, I started trying to open the tub in my hands, but with how much I was shaking, it was a struggle. A frustrated sob burst from my throat as I fought with the lid. I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t.
“Dan, can I help?” Andy asked, their hand slowly approaching mine, “Here.”
I let Andy take my medication from me, trusting them to get it out the tub so I could take it. As they were opening the tub, Sarah walked in, holding a mug of water and approaching slowly.
Andy beckoned her over, at the same time depositing a pill into my shaking hand, “Is it just one?”
Nodding, I lifted the pill to my mouth and reached out to Sarah for the mug of water. I let Andy help me with it, because I was completely past the point of trying to do things by myself. I choked a little on the tablet as I swallowed it, but there seemed to be a helping hand rubbing my back as I washed it down.
“Please stop eating all my snacks, Dan, it’s not good for you.”
I shook my head frantically, trying to get her voice out of my head again.
“Please talk,” I croaked to Sarah and Andy, “I need to hear something else.”
“Okay, Dan, we’re going to call Phil now,” Andy started, their voice soothing, “Sarah, could you maybe do that? You’ve got Phil’s number, right?”
Sarah nodded, turning back towards the kitchen, “Of course, yeah.”
“Dan,” Andy continued, “D’you think you could focus on your breathing or is that too hard?”
“Too hard,” I nodded, feeling like I was using all of my mental strength to keep a certain voice out of my head and that I couldn’t realistically focus on anything else.
“Keep sipping your water then,” Andy nodded, rubbing their hand up and down my back, probably as I hadn’t pushed it away. “You’re going to be okay. I’m guessing you can’t really talk about it right now, but you’re safe back here. Sarah’s calling Phil and hopefully he can get down here.”
“What if he can’t get out of class?” I asked, suddenly feeling another wave of overwhelming panic at the thought of Phil not being able to come and help me.
“Phil’s on his way, don’t worry,” Sarah said, poking her head through the door again, “He was in a theory class, so it wasn’t a problem.”
The five minutes that followed were all a blur. Sarah brought me a mug of diluting juice once I’d finished my water and Andy continued to speak to me and rub my back. I was still panicking, chest tight, breathing hard, tears running down my cheeks, but they were keeping me from getting any worse, keeping my mind from any further flashbacks.
When Phil appeared, out of breath, Andy quickly gave up their seat for him. He plopped himself next to me and immediately decided to free me of my apron and my top shirt button. He shed his coat and placed it gently on my shoulders, pushing my hair back off my face. Although his breathing was fast from rushing, I could feel him trying to slow his movements.
“Dan,” Phil said, his voice soothing, slipping his hand between the buttons of my shirt, “What happened? I know you’re having a panic attack and that you’ve taken your medication, but what triggered it.”
“N-no,” I choked, struggling to get her name out.
“No?” Phil questioned softly, “Would be easier to help you if I knew.”
“Nora,” I spluttered, pointing in the direction of the cafe, “Came in, had to get her coffee and doughnut.”
“Okay,” Phil nodded, “You’re safe back here though; I need you to focus on that. It’s just me and Andy in here, no one’s going to hurt you, you’ve got space to breathe.”
I felt the fingers of Phil’s other hand brush over mine, then he gently curled my hand up within his, “Your medication’s going to help you soon, but I need you to keep breathing until then. Want me to do it with you?”
I nodded, feeling too tired to answer in words. I felt Phil undo a button on my shirt, then spread his hand out more. He would tell me to breathe in and he would slowly count for a few seconds, then I would hold my breath, then I would breathe out. The familiarity of the exercise was somewhat comforting; I could focus on one thing at a time and I knew that Phil was ready with the next. I eventually started to fall into a rhythm, started to understand what was coming next. I didn’t stop until Phil stopped, until he was satisfied I had my breathing steady enough. It wouldn’t be perfect, not until my medication slowed my heart rate back to normal.
“One. Two. Three. Four,” Phil paused, “And out…”
When Phil stopped counting my breathing, I relaxed into his side, thankful, but not quite able to express it yet.
“You’re okay Dan, you’re okay,” Phil said, bringing his arms around me in a hug, “Just relax now.”
--
Phil’s POV:
When Sarah had called me during class, I knew something was wrong. She quickly told me that Dan was having a panic attack and that he needed me. I was pleased to hear he’d managed to take his medication, but getting myself to him was a top priority of mine. I quickly excused myself from my class, explaining to my tutor, Mark, that my soulmate needed me urgently.
Knowing I couldn’t really park any nearer to the cafė, I left the car at the college and ran to where Dan worked. Okay, I was a bit out of breath on arrival, but I was able to help him all the same. Hearing that Nora had appeared was a bit of a shock, but I guess it was kind of inevitable that she’d make an appearance again in his life at some point.
Now that I’d helped him calm his breathing, he was cuddled into my side, still shaking, but on the mend. I leant down to kiss him on the forehead, feeling like he was needing a little extra love. What he really needed was his bed, but I wasn’t quite sure if that was possible yet.
“Could you maybe make Dan a hot chocolate?” I asked his colleague and friend, Andy, “No cream or marshmallows, in a takeaway cup.”
“Of course,” Andy nodded, giving us a small smile and heading through the door into the kitchen, “Give me two minutes.”
I kept hugging Dan until Andy returned, when my duties changed to helping him drink hot chocolate. His hands were shaking, hence my request of a takeaway cup, but if I didn’t help, he was going to get it all down his chin and probably all over his shirt. Dan had his left hand on the cup, I had my right, and between us, we managed to get the drink safely to his mouth. It was never a skill I thought I’d develop, being a pro at helping my soulmate drink out of a cup or glass, but here I was. He needed the help sometimes and I was happy to give it to him.
I knew the hot drink would help him, give him a bit of warmth, a bit of sugar. His body was going to need a lot more than that to recover though. Ideally, he needed to go home, lie down and get some sleep, but he was meant to be working for another two hours.
Looking to Andy for help, I asked my question, “Is there anyone who can take the rest of his shift? I think he really should go home.”
“I'll do it,” Andy said, “I was meant to be finishing up the now, but don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, to be polite, “You've already done so much.”
“It's fine, honestly,” Andy nodded, “I don't mind working another couple of hours.”
Dan looked like he was about to protest, but Andy shut him up before he could get there, “Dan, Phil’s right, I think you should go home. I really don't mind finishing your shift.”
“Okay,” Dan said, still sounding a little weak, taking the last sip of his hot chocolate, then nuzzling further into my side, “Thank you.”
“Phil,” Dan started after a while, “D’you think you’d recognise her? Could you check if she’s still in the cafe? I don’t think I could leave with her still here. I feel kinda trapped.”
“Yeah, I remember her from halloween,” I nodded, “Can we not use the back door?”
Dan looked up at Andy questioningly, clearly needing the authority of someone who had been here a bit longer, “I don’t see why not, but I’ll go and check with Ben.”
“Thanks,” I said to Andy, as they made their way to the kitchen.
Andy came back with the news that yes, we could leave via the backdoor. This came as quite a relief to Dan, as although he was not fully recovered, he was desperate to go. As Dan was already half wearing my coat, I helped him get his arms into it and zipped it up in front of him. I lifted his coat off his hook and put it on myself; it was a bit of a tight fit, but I wasn’t going to steal his warmth.
“You look after yourself Dan, get some rest, and let me know if you’d rather stay home tomorrow because I can take the shift,” Andy said to Dan, putting their arms around him in a loose hug.
Andy’s hug only lasted about a second, then they moved away giving me a small smile, “I know you take good care of him, Phil; make sure he makes the right decision about tomorrow.”
Andy opened the back door for us, and with an arm around Dan, we made our way outside. We said goodbye to Andy, me thanking them so much for all they had done to help Dan. We made our way along the alley that ran behind the shops, not stopping until we had rounded the corner. It was Dan who had stopped first, turning into me for another hug.
Bringing my arms around him and my face up next to his, I mumbled to him, “Something wrong?”
“Just felt I needed another hug, maybe couldn’t lose myself in it so much with Andy there,” Dan mumbled, shakily exhaling against my neck.
“I get that; you said sh-they get jealous of guys hugging, right? That you don’t want to make h-them feel down about it?” I said, stumbling a bit over the pronouns I wasn’t quite used to using.
“Yeah,” Dan nodded, “Andy’s mostly chill with hugging people, but I think they crave the feeling of hugging as a flat chested person. I can’t completely understand, but generally I try to avoid doing anything super masculine or bringing up anything that’ll make them feel feminine or uncomfortable.”
“Speaking of uncomfortable, how are you feeling?” I asked Dan, noticing that he was a bit more talkative.
“Shaky, tired, still a bit scared and shaken up, but alive,” Dan told me, sighing.
“Well let’s get you home and we can either talk about it or I can let you sleep, whatever you want,” I nodded, knowing we would need to figure out what was best for him first. “The car’s still up at the college so we’ve got a little walk, but I think you can do it.”
“Just stick with me, yeah?” Dan asked, a little uncertainly.
“Of course,” I said, giving him a little squeeze, “I’m not going to leave you even for two seconds at the moment.”
As we pulled apart our hug, I found Dan’s hand, interlocking our fingers and giving it a squeeze, “I’m right here.”
We set off walking, back to my college, back to our car, hands joined, shoulders brushing as we stuck as close together as we could. Dan’s hand was a little shaky, a little clammy, and he himself was quite quiet, but I knew he’d be okay, he just needed some privacy and some rest.
On reaching the car, I opened the passenger door for Dan and kept supporting him, with a hand on his back, until he was settled in the seat. I quickly hurried around the front of the car and joined him inside, ready to take him home.
I did the reverse process when we arrived at our flat, opening his door and joining hands again once he was out. We got up the stairs fine, with there not being so many of them these days, but I could see it was still a bit of a struggle.
As I unlocked the door, I gave Dan a couple of instructions so he didn’t go straight off to bed without taking care of himself, “Go and get changed into something comfy, go to the bathroom or whatever you need to do and come to the sofa. I’m gonna get some water and a couple of other things and I’ll meet you there.”
I left Dan at our bedroom door, knowing he would manage to get sorted out by himself. I made my way to the kitchen, filling a mug with water for Dan and flicking the kettle on in case he decided he wanted some tea later.
I sat the water down on a table by the couch, then went to retrieve a blanket from the comfy chair across the room. I couldn’t think of anything else to get him; that would depend how he was feeling. Maybe he’d need paracetamol, maybe he’d want a bath, but I felt he’d probably want to go straight to bed.
“Hey,” I greeted Dan, as he arrived in pyjamas and a hoodie, “Come sit down, let’s talk about how you’re feeling?”
“Not the best,” Dan mumbled, settling himself between my legs.
“Right, let’s start with how you’re feeling physically? Tired? Sore? Shaky?” I prompted him, pulling up the blanket and trying to make sure he was comfortable.
“A little shaky, tired, but I can deal with that,” Dan told me, relaxing into me a little.
“And mentally?” I asked slowly, “D’you want to sit and have a chat for a little bit?”
“That would be good,” Dan nodded, sighing, “I still feel really on edge. I kind of feel like I want to talk to my therapist but she’s probably busy and you’re here so…”
“If you want to call her and see I can help?” I suggested, wanting to do what I could.
“I’m not sure I’m honestly in a state to speak to anyone else,” Dan mumbled indecisively.
“Will I do for the moment and you can maybe call her, say tomorrow when you’re feeling up to it?” I suggested.
“Yeah, that would be good,” Dan nodded, pulling the blanket up to his chin, “Could you pass me that water?”
As Dan took a few sips of water, I thought about what I was going to ask him. I knew that Nora had come in for a coffee and a doughnut, that he’d clearly had a panic attack and taken his medication, but I didn’t know where his mind was during the whole process.
I started the conversation gently by asking Dan if he’d managed to make the coffee for her, how much he had managed before he fled to the back. I was impressed to hear that he’d managed to make her the coffee, get her the doughnut and even do the transaction and change. We then went onto his feelings as he’d gone about that: the utter panic, the realisation that his body was able to go through the motions of making a cappuccino without his mind really being there.
We had to take a break in the conversation, as when Dan started to explain where his mind was during the first few minutes he spent in the back room, it got a bit too much for him to deal with again.
“Breathe,” I said, running my hand over his chest. “You need me to help you or are you okay?”
“M’okay,” Dan nodded, his chest rising and falling rather forcefully beneath my hand.
I stayed quiet while Dan focused on his breathing, letting him focus without distraction for a while. When I did start talking to him again, I decided against picking up where we left off. I had experienced enough of Dan's panic attack to piece together vaguely how he would have felt.
“I think you've maybe talked enough for today,” I said acknowledging his exhausted state, “Unless there's anything else you want to get off you mind?”
“I think I'm good,” Dan murmured, “Thanks for listening. I feel a lot better after talking to you.”
“I think we should get dinner early, maybe watch something and then you can go to bed early,” I suggested, resting my chin on his shoulder for a moment. “Does that sound good to you? I'm just thinking if you take a nap now, you might not sleep so well later.”
“Yeah sounds decent,” Dan agreed, “I think I can manage to stay awake a bit longer.”
“What do you want for dinner?” I asked, “Not got anything planned so it's your choice. What's going to make you feel good?”
Dan looked thoughtful for a minute, but eventually gave me an answer, “I’d like spaghetti? Just make a simple tomato sauce or something?”
“Okay, I can do that,” I nodded, glad he had picked out something quick and simple; it meant I could spend a bit longer just cuddling with him before I had to get up and make it. “I'll start making it at five.”
For the half hour or so that followed, I just sat with Dan, holding him in an embrace that was comforting for him but warm and cosy for both of us. I was glad he was okay, maybe still a little tired and wobbly, but okay.
When I got up to make dinner, I left him with a little kiss, only going as far as the kitchen, from where I could still see him. I set about boiling the kettle, weighing out the pasta, getting out the sauce ingredients. I could feel dan watching me, so every so often I would look up and give him a smile, a little acknowledgement that although I was cooking, yes I still cared about his presence.
We talked a little as I cooked, Dan filling me in on a couple of other, less dramatic things, that had happened earlier on in the day. I told him a little about my day at college; us sharing our days had become part of evening routine, something that helped us stay as close as we could as a couple.
When the pasta was ready, I served it into two bowls and joined Dan on the sofa with it. We usually ate at the table, a habit we’d gotten into in the early days because it was better for digestion, but I felt it really shouldn’t matter now with how good he’d had been doing lately.
We put a episode of a TV show on as we ate, slurping spaghetti but not talking over it. When we finished eating, we sat the bowls to the side and slowly started to curl up together again, the idea of cuddling being too tempting to resist. The TV show ended, so we put the next episode on, but it seemed that Dan gradually seemed to lose concentration, eyes fluttering shut, slowly falling asleep.
As he fell asleep, he fell away from me a little, so not wanting him to fall off the sofa, I managed to get up and let him have the space to himself. I’d let him sleep for a little bit while I sorted a few things out, but I think he really ought to get to bed. I retrieved Dan’s phone from the join in the cushions and thought about how he was doing in terms of working tomorrow. He really should text Andy tonight, and while he probably wouldn’t mind me doing it for him, I wanted to have his word first.
I pocketed his phone, hoping that would remind me to talk to him about it when I woke him up to get him ready for bed. I collected up our pasta bowls and drink glasses, taking them to the kitchen to put in the dishwasher. I got the sink filling to wash up the pasta pot, taking the opportunity to do it now as I knew I wouldn’t appreciate seeing it in the morning. When the sink was full and I shut the water off, I noticed a noise coming from behind me where Dan was; it sounded like choking. I spun around to see him appearing to choke on something in his sleep. I hurried out of the kitchen, grabbing our living room bin on the way because I had no idea what this situation was going to bring.
I rushed over to Dan, pulling him upright and getting his head forward over the bin. I made a judgement and thumped him on the back, hoping that would help because I had no idea what else to do. It must’ve been enough to dislodge the problem, because Dan threw up a little bit, still half asleep and confused.
I rubbed Dan’s back gently now, thankful he had stopped choking, but still feeling a tension there, “It’s okay if you need to throw up more; got a bin here for you.”
Dan mumbled something, but I didn’t catch it as he gagged and threw up a bit more. I continued to rub his back, hoping it was at least a little soothing.
When he appeared to have stopped struggling, I spoke softly, “Are you okay? You started choking in your sleep but I’m not sure why.”
Dan shrugged and looked down into the bin, gagging violently as he saw its contents.
“Dan, if I can help you to the bathroom, you won't have to look at that?” I suggested, knowing it would be best to get him in front of a toilet asap.
“Yeah, thanks,” Dan mumbled, giving me his hand so I could help him up.
With Dan on his feet, holding the bin, I steered him all the way along the hallway and through our bedroom to the ensuite. I left him for a moment to take the bin away to the other bathroom - I would deal with that later - but returned quickly.
I sat by Dan’s side, pushing his sleep hair off his forehead and resting a hand on his back. We were there for about twenty minutes, Dan managing to contain himself and eventually admitting he was feeling okay again. During this time I got him a glass of water, which he sipped slowly on, hopefully helping to soothe his throat and stomach.
We shuffled away from the toilet a little, still sitting on the floor as Dan was feeling a bit weak. I couldn’t quite understand what had caused him to choke and throw up, and neither could he. We eventually came on an idea that maybe he just hadn’t had enough time to digest his dinner properly before he fell asleep. Most people would be fine, but Dan’s stomach just wasn’t quite right sometimes; something that made it clear he was still in recovery.
“I think we should text Andy and ask if they can take your shift,” I said to Dan, “I’d just been thinking about texting them to say you’d make it, but I don’t think you should now.”
“I’ll be fine in the morning,” Dan tried to insist, his weakened voice not helping his case.
“Dan, you threw up, so until you can be absolutely sure you don't have norovirus or something, you're not setting foot in a kitchen,” I told him firmly, “Although we think its your ED, we can’t be sure, okay?”
Dan nodded quietly, making me realise I’d maybe sounded a bit harsh, but it was difficult for me not to with learning a lot of food hygiene in college.
“Sorry if that sounded harsh,” I said softly, not wanting to leave things like that, “I didn’t mean for it to come out so strong.”
I retrieved Dan’s phone from my pocket and opened up a new text to Andy. I typed out a message for him, making clear it was from me, but getting him to approve it.
Hey, it’s Phil. Could you maybe take Dan's shift for tomorrow? He was doing alright, but he just threw up his dinner and while it's probably just his ED recovery, it's probably best not to have him in a kitchen until we're sure.
Dan nodded his approval to the message and hit send himself, handing the phone back to me while we waited for a response.
Of course, I’ve got it covered. I hope he feels better, plenty of rest’ll do him good
It had only taken them a minute to reply, which was quite a relief as I wanted to get Dan to bed and we really needed to know the answer first. I read it out to him and he visibly relaxed, leaning into my side.
“Can we go to bed now?” Dan yawned, sounding so tired that he was almost on the verge of tears.
“Get your teeth brushed and pee and whatever, then yes,” I told him, “I’m going to email my tutor while you get ready, okay.”
I sat on the edge of the bath while Dan did what he needed to do, typing out an email to Mark, my college tutor.
Hi Mark, I think it's best that I don't attend tomorrow. My soulmate’s been sick; I suspect it's nothing contagious as he’s recovering from an eating disorder, but I think it's best to be on the safe side and not come into the kitchen. Will see you the day after, presuming all is well. Thanks, Phil
When Dan was finished, I followed him through the bedroom and helped him get settled into bed. I sat next to him, on my side of the bed, but I had a few things to do first before I would be ready to go to bed myself.
“Get some sleep, love,” I told him, leaning down to give him a goodnight kiss, “I’ll join you soon and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“You stayin’ ‘til I’m ‘sleep?” Dan mumbled.
“Yes, of course,” I nodded, running my hand down his duvet-shrouded side.
Dan didn’t say anything else after that, drifting off to sleep and snoring lightly, getting the rest that he needed.
When I was sure Dan would stay asleep, I got up to deal with the few things I had to get done. I finished cleaning the pot I had abandoned in the kitchen sink, I dealt with the bin Dan had been sick in, and finally I locked up. I got myself ready for bed quickly, making the decision to shower in the morning so that I wouldn’t disturb Dan’s sleep just now. I knew when I joined him in bed that I wouldn’t be able to get to sleep yet, so I sat with just my lamp on and read for a while. Dan was feeling fragile and staying with him when he was in a vulnerable state was very important to me.
--
The next day, Dan was absolutely fine, which was definitely a relief. We’d both stayed home as a precaution, but it proved to be nothing more than what we suspected.
With everything that had happened the previous day, I made sure that this one was calm and relaxed for Dan. In the morning we took a bath together, then throughout the day, I made sure that his diet was made up of simple things: toast, soup, fruit, and that we ate at the table like we usually did.
Dan just had his bad days now and then, that was something that just happened. Sometimes his anxiety would play up, sometimes his digestive system wouldn’t quite function correctly, but this time they came at once. It was a bit of an annoyance for him and put him in a bit of a low mental state for a few days, but as usual, he was okay, he got through it.
He made sure to speak to his therapist about the whole thing, another appointment which I joined him at for support. Having had a few days to process the events, he could now explain it well and I could tell that talking it through again to her helped him to get his thoughts in order.
We all hoped that Nora wouldn’t start to frequent the café, but we would look into options if it became a problem. This possibility would give Dan a little anxiety about going to work sometimes, but in one of his flashbacks she’d stated that she never wanted to see him again. That was something I would remind Dan of when he got down about it, the one memory of her which he didn’t actually mind recalling.
Next Chapter (Epilogue) =>
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vexkader · 4 years
Text
Solis Part 7
  The elevator rose and rose above the white gleaming city. Sun beamed off the buildings and slightly into my eyes. Shaping off the curved glass of the lift. The early evening made everything have just the yellowest of hues to them. Soon to be red as the evening grew on. 
  The party was at the Maxis Tower, one of the tallest buildings here in Ishtar. The view was magnificent, as I could see the bay and beachfront. Cars below zooming home and wherever. Some freighters in the sky, heading to Earth or Mars. Anywhere between. 
  With a ding, the lift stopped and the doors slide open. A long carpeted hallway was greeted with a door at the end, and a few maintenance closets. The odd thing about this place was it seemed older, if that's the right word. Ceramic walls, a rough carpet beneath my paws, a greeter by the ending door.
  The human stood up straight, fancy clothing all and held a holopad in his hand.
  "Name?" He asks me, all perky readying himself like it was his destiny to push names. 
  "Vex Kader." I reply, not so enthusiastically.
  "I see you there, and done! Head on in!"
  The doors behind him outlined in a lime green, and slide open as I approached them. A beautiful room with walls of windows appeared in front of me. Low beating music played, synths just enough to be heard beyond the talking. And truthfully I felt under dressed. 
  Everyone here was in some type of business attire. Sleek suits, cutting off into straight edges. Silver, black, white, some blue, some purple. You named it, all screaming importance over my just casualness. 
  I looked for the only familiar face I knew, but as I looked around I saw former clients. A few of which I hoped to never see again, and likewise to me. But I slinked around, looking for Friday. Even if she may not have been the happiest to see me, but as fate had it she found me first.
  "Vex, guess you did show up." Her voice startled me, as I quickly turn around. 
  "Oh, there you are!" I say almost relieved. "Yeah yeah, I made it. Probably wont stay long though."
  "Hm? Whys that?" She asks me curiously, a drink in her paw. Head tilting in a canine way. 
  "Ah, let's just say a few faces in here I didn't want to see again." 
  "I guess that's fair, but come on. Let me bring you to my dad, besides the business bit you have, hes hosting."
  I nod and follow her, weaving through suits and ties, along with a couple skirts. Friday's paws clinking on the hard surface. Looking around it all felt odd. There was hardly any anthros here, almost everyone was human. Varying shades of humans that is. 
  I knew most high-profile business owners here on Venus were human, but at this rate it felt odd. I swear a few probably recognized me as well. Probably the cyan on my tail that set me off, but it wasnt something I could help. 
  After reaching the opposite end of the party, I saw another coyote. His muzzle starting to grey a bit around the edges, dark fur like Friday's. Deep brown almond eyes peered right at the two of us, meeting mine at the same height. 
  Next time him was another coyote, light in fur like your traditional ones. Cold icy eyes like Friday's, standing about the same height too. It was safe to assume these were her parents. 
  "Dad, this is Vex. He's the one I told you about that could take your job."
  Gripping his drink, he swished it around a couple of times. Then took a sip of it, staining his lips red for a few seconds. "Vex.. I've heard your name before, not a small one in your line of work. As shown by a few of the guests here. Mine is Kim." 
  His voice was serious yet accented slightly, sounding like he was testing me. I did not feel like playing a game with him. 
  "Quite so, I know my stuff and I'll get your job done. What is it?" I ask, crossing my arms and leaning on a back paw. I wanted it as soon as possible to get out of here. 
  "After the party, I can't talk around prying ears. This matter is sensitive." He smirked, taking another sip. "Please please enjoy! There is plenty of food and drinks to go around."
  I wasnt happy, I wanted this job and out. "With all due respect, I'd rather just take the job and go. I didn't come to-" I was soon cut off by him. 
  "Your accent! It is unique, I don't think I've heard it before?" He questions me, bringing his wife in close. 
  "Welsh, my mother was from the isles. And yours?" Fine, I'll play this bullshite if it meant I got a job. 
  "My parents were from the East Asia-Pacifica cities, specifically Korea. They came to Venus to start our ship building company, on vacation back there is where I met my wife, Ara." He went on, talking about his wife and parents. 
  Truthfully I hadn't a care in my heart over the Pacifica cities. Most were split up between old cultural boundaries anyways. What were they, Korean? Japanese? Chinese? I hardly kept track of my own! Welsh, English, Scottish? I didn't care, all I knew is it made my voice sound funny. 
  Kim and Ara kept me distracted for a while, Kim mostly trying to pry into my life. As I did the same to him, each of us budging with small tidbits we deemed unimportant. Waiting for someone to give some leverage. 
  By this point on, few stars glistened in the night sky. Neon lights and traffic whites shined below, a city of night life humming and buzzing. The last of the guests left, slightly intoxicated and heading to their lifts home. Kim looked to me and breathed in, the music dying out as now nothing remained except the lights of the tower, the smell of hours old food, Friday, Kim, Ara, and me. 
  "So," he begins. "You're looking for a job aren't you?" I nod slowly, looking to his face. "She told you about the ruins?" He motioned his drink to Friday, as she stood motionless. Watching how this played out. 
  "Aye." Is all I said. 
  "Good. Now listen closely." He begins to speak of the job. "Theres an artifact buried under Iceland, I believe its inside the glaciers there. However, I havent been able to get in close." His voice trailed off and was low at the end, peaking my curiosity. 
  "How come?" I ask him, stepping forward with my right paw. 
  "The natives have proven.. trouble some. Resistant to those who go there."
  Natives? I was not aware of any native populations. 
  "What.. what do mean by natives?"
  "A small group, should be easy to avoid. But my last hires messed with them too much, and could've even get the damn ruins open. So I've heard you can though." 
  Well that was a quick topic change. 
  "That's besides the point, are they armed?" I was worried for my safety, I havent been in a firefight in over a year. I was probably getting rusty, and I had no plans to visit the jovians after it almost costed me my life. 
  "Yes, but again. Easily avoidable. I will be paying you in cash, if that makes it better." Mhm, that it did. That always sweetens a deal. 
  "How much are we talking? If I'm going to 'possibly'" I mocked slightly, "be dealing with dangerous natives with guns. It needs to be worth it." 
  He huffs, setting down his drink with a clink. Red wine staining the clear glass. "Two hundred thousand. In cash."
  That.. wasnt bad, certainly wasnt my highest paying job, but this is no jovian raid. 
  "Fine, I'll do it. I'll set off tomorrow." With a smile, he shakes my paw, giving a tight grip. "I will send you everything else." He tells me.
  With that I set off, leaving the family behind. Leaving the ballroom, I could see the door boy had go home. Leaving me alone and down this empty hall. As I reached the lift down, I could hear the door open behind me and close again. Paws running along the carpeted floor. 
  "Vex, hold on a minute!" Friday calls out, turning around I could see her. Struggling to run in the business skirt. 
  "Yes?" I asked, wondering what she had to say. 
  Huffing and puffing, she looks up to me. "About the other night."
 "I thought you didn't want to talk about it." I tell her. 
  "It's whatever, I just wanna say I'm sorry." An apology? This surprised me, making my ears perk. 
  "I thought you were angry." I lean against a nearby wall, almost amused by this. 
  "Well I was, but after thinking about it." She pauses. "We were both drunk things escalated and-" 
  "I get it, no need to go on." I cut her off, raising a paw and getting off the wall. "These things happen, not like you'll have a cub." 
  Rolling her eyes, she sassily crossing her arms at me. "Okay, they happen for you. Not for me, I never really done that before."
  "Oh? Well, if you wish to remember it next time." I say giving a sly smile, trying to add some comedy this.
  "What? No you.. mhnrrg." She growls a bit in frustration, pretending to air choke me with her paws. "Listen jackass, you're decent enough when you're not trying to be smart or drunk. Just please don't screw this job up."
  I sigh, looking down with my own arms loosely crossed now. "Yeah.. yeah I get it. I'll apologize too, it was our faults. Sorry it couldn't happen under better circumstances."
  "Its fine, just again don't screw this up. Then maybe I'll see you around." See you around? Did she really say that? I didn't know what to say, just awkwardly nod and duck away. Heading into the lift and trying get away from this. It started to feel a bit too personal now, which I had enough of. I was just ready to get to Iceland. 
  
  
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okay another pride prompt - two (or more!) people in a queerplatonic relationship that you havent written before! any characters of your choice
I knew immediately that I wanted to write about Philinda, because after FitzSimmons, they’re the couple that’s so obviously queerplatonic, but I really struggled with what to write. I brainstormed a bit with @buskidsburgade (thanks for that!) and got a couple ideas, but I couldn’t quite get them to work in fic form. So, I decided to take a page out of @florchis‘s book and write a bullet fic detailing Phil and Melinda’s relationship from pre-series to the end of season 4 similar to how she re-wrote Demisexual Fitz’s story. 
It got long, and kinda angsty because SHIELD, but I hope you like it!
Phil Coulson never really cared about dating in high school.He was too busy learning everything he could about Captain America, PeggyCarter, the Howling Commandos, and SHIELD.
He’s recruited by SHIELD his freshman year of college andgoes to join the Communications Academy.
He goes on a few dates while he’s there, but he never formsany sort of romantic relationship with anyone. It doesn’t really bother him.The Academy Library has many more books on Captain America than he’d had accessto before.
After he becomes a fully-fledged SHIELD Agent, he findshimself being frequently paired with Melinda May, an Operations graduate. Theyquickly become friends, and nothing more.
Garrett doesn’t believe that Phil and Melinda are onlyfriends. He insists that they must be sleeping together, or even if theyaren’t, that Phil must want to. He doesn’t. Not with Melinda.
It’s the early 2000s when Phil stumbles on some newvocabulary: Asexual. Aromantic. Queerplatonic. “Huh,” is his reaction.
Asexual kinda fits. He isn’t a virgin, but sex isn’tsomething he desires all the time. Maybe gray-asexual fits him? He isn’t thatbothered with the specifics.
Aromantic definitely fits him. He struggles to define it,but he knows it makes sense.
Queerplatonic is another good word. He finally has somethingto describe his relationship with Melinda.
She’s alloromantic and allosexual. He’s spent enough timelistening to her talk about her dating partners to know that much. He’s seenthe way she and Andrew interact. There’s something between them that Phil justdoesn’t understand.
He goes to her to talk about what he’s figured out. She’saccepting of the possible asexual identity and the aromantic identity. Then heexplains about queerplatonic relationships and how he thinks they’re in one.
She gets it, and she agrees, but then she starts worrying.Is she cheating on Andrew? Is forming an emotional connection with another manconsidered cheating? Will Andrew be angry or accepting? Does their relationshipbreak SHIELD’s fraternization protocol?
Melinda wants to keep it between them, but Phil pushes,gently, that they should talk to Andrew, if only to alleviate her fears thatshe’s cheating. Phil says they’re not because there’s no romantic or sexualfeelings between them. Melinda still has doubts.
Finally she agrees that they should talk. Luckily, as atherapist who does his best to keep up with the various orientations andidentities people have, Andrew is familiar with all the terms Phil and Melindaare using.
Andrew is jealous at first. He’ll admit that. But he’s knownPhil long enough to trust that he’s being honest when he says that therelationship he has with Melinda is strictly queerplatonic and non-sexual. Hecan’t deny them the emotional connection they have. They’ve been through someshit together, that Glasgow mission in particular. He’s aware that people whohave been through what they have form close bonds. He tells them he acceptstheir relationship.
Everyone’s happy. Phil comes over frequently to spend timewith Melinda. They invite Andrew to join them when he can. Melinda and Andrew’srelationship grows stronger. They start to talk about starting a family.
Phil meets Audrey, and they form a connection. He explainsthat because of his job and his sexual and romantic identities they can’t havea relationship like she might want. Audrey understands. She still wants to try.They spend time together, have fun together. Phil hasn’t felt a connection likethis since Melinda.
He talks to Melinda about it, and she’s happy for him. “I’dbe a hypocrite if I didn’t want you to have more relationships, Phil,” shetells him.
Then Bahrain happens. Andrew does his best to be supportive.Phil is always there, encouraging her to talk about it, sparring with her whenshe needs to physically fight the memories. But the pain is too much. Melindawithdraws. From Andrew, from Phil, from field work. She requests a transfer tothe Administrative Department, which is granted. She and Andrew divorce. Philremains a field agent. He’s given special assignments: TAHITI, the AvengersInitiative. He doesn’t have time to talk with Melinda anymore. She won’trespond to him anyway.
Phil and Audrey start seeing more of each other. They startplanning a trip up the coast. Then Phil is called to assemble the Avengers.
Melinda hears reports about how Phil was killed in actionbefore the Battle of New York. She’s devastated. She regrets shutting him out,but she had to. Being around him after Bahrain just brought up memories shedesperately wanted to forget. “Let the girl go.”
Director Fury calls her to his office not long after theBattle of New York. He tells her all about TAHITI, how Phil is no longer dead,how he can never know what actually happened to him. He explains the mission,asks her to evaluate what they’ll need and give him the report. He’ll give theparameters to Phil. He warns her that Phil will want her as part of the team.Melinda’s okay with that. She’s ready to start repairing their relationship.
They form their team. FitzSimmons, the young, genius scienceduo who are the talk of SHIELD isn’t Melinda’s first choice, mainly becausethey aren’t cleared for combat, and they have no field experience to speak of,but their scientific record speaks for itself. Agent Ward is Maria Hill’schoice, one Melinda approves. The agent is surly, and his people skills need alot of work, but he has a dry sense of humor that Melinda appreciates, and he’snot bad to look at either. Phil decides to add one more, because of course hedoes. He’s Phil. He’s compassionate. That’s one of the things she loves abouthim.
Their relationship picks up almost where they left off.Their camaraderie hasn’t changed even with the separation. Phil is above her inrank now, which is different, but they’re still equal when they’re not actingas agents.
Melinda starts having sex with Ward, and she thinks shefinally understands Phil’s aromantic nature a bit better. There’s no romance atall in her relationship with Ward. She keeps it secret at first, but the guiltof keeping things from him gets to her. This secret she can tell him. Fury’ssecret, she can’t.
It comes out, of course. All secrets do, eventually. He’shurt. She’s hurt too. Their trust is broken, and he sends her away. She goes.She’s determined to find answers. To prove that she cares.
She finds the hard-drive and brings it to Phil. “Huh,” ishis reaction. They apologize to each other, and forgive each other. Theirrelationship has never really been physically intimate, but that night theyshare a bed. They need to be close.
They defeat Garrett, arrest Ward, and find a new base.Melinda thinks that maybe they can start to rebuild their lives.
Then Phil starts to carve. Melinda finds him the nextmorning, passed out from exhaustion on the floor, knife in hand, and the wallcovered in those strange symbols. She knows instantly what this means. Shehelps Phil to bed, and once he’s had some more sleep, they talk. She tells himwhat she knows. She makes him promise to get her each time he feels the need tocarve. She starts to make plans.
They go undercover together as husband and wife. “We’remodern,” Melinda tells their mark. If only he knew how true that was…
Phil wants her to shoot him in the head. She can’t. Shewon’t. She’ll send him to Australia. He likes kangaroos.
“Point is,” she tells him, “no matter what happens, I’lltake care of you. That’s my plan.”
“That is,without question, the sweetest, most selfless thing anyone has ever wanted todo for me,” he tells her, “but I need you to forget all that, and kill me asordered.”
“Phil, please.” How can he ask that of her? After everythingthey’ve been through?
“Hardchoices are coming. I need you to make this one. For me.” For him. She doesn’tlike it, but she nods.
Luckily,it doesn’t get to that point. He figures out what the carving means and theimpulse goes away. She doesn’t have the words to describe how relieved she is.
Theyneed Andrew’s help. He’s the only one they trust to evaluate Skye. She goes tosee him. It’s awkward. He’s a little annoyed. She should have called him back.He agrees to help anyway.
The baseis taken over by Gonzales and his team. May does her best to resist, to helpPhil escape, and convince the others that he’s not the threat they think he is.But Gonzales and his team know the Director’s secrets. Melinda knows that it’spart of the job—keeping secrets—she’s done it before. But this secret—Philmeeting with Andrew behind her back—that’s too far. They’ve always been openwith each other about their various relationships. Melinda knows, logically,that Phil probably went to Andrew for therapy, but still! Andrew is her ex, and it feels weird that the manshe’s currently in a relationship with, non-sexual/non-romantic though it maybe, is talking to the man she used to be in a relationship with.
Andrew shows up after it’s all over, to help them deal withthe ever-growing number of traumatic experiences they’ve faced. He and Melindastart talking again, just like they used to before Melinda bottled all herfeelings up inside her. They steal Phil’s whisky. Andrew encourages her to takea break, go on vacation with him. Melinda agrees. Phil is supportive. She cantell he’s sad; she hopes that he’ll miss her. But all he does is tell her it’stime she took a break.
The vacation with Andrew is great, but then it’s like hedisappears off the face of the planet. He doesn’t return her calls, or answerher texts. She doesn’t know what she did, but she must have done something.
She goes to see Phil. She lets him know things went southwith Andrew, but that she’s not ready to come back yet. They share a drinktogether, and he listens to her vent. She lets him know she’s going to spendsome time visiting her parents, and leaves again.
While she’s gone, Phil meets Rosalind Price. He doesn’ttrust her, but she does intrigue him. He can flirt, pretend to be alloromanticand allosexual. He wants her to trust him.
They find out that Andrew is Lash. Melinda is devastated.Phil wants to help, wants to be there for her, but he remembers how she wasafter Bahrain. She just wanted space to process in her own time. So that’s whathe gives her.
He trusts Rosalind more now, but not enough to come out toher. He’s not sure she’d be accepting of his relationship with Melinda. He’sworking toward it though. Sadly, he never gets the chance. It’s Melinda’s turnto give him space.
Melinda is pissed when she learns how Phil jumped out of theQuinjet into the portal, but she’s so relieved when she learns he’s alive. Shewaits anxiously for the pod to return to the Zephyr, and when Phil exits, shehugs him. Later, when they’re alone in his office, she lets him know just howstupid she thinks he was, going through the portal like that. He lets her yell,doesn’t try to defend himself. He just stares off to the side, like he’s lostin his thoughts. She realizes that something happened on Maveth, something thathe’s not willing to share yet. That night, they share a bed, and she holds himwhile he cries.
Time passes. Andrew dies. They save the world again. ThenDaisy leaves, and Phil steps down. A new director takes over, and their team issplit apart. Phil is sent to do field work on the Zephyr with Mack. May istasked with training a special strike force team. They barely see each other,or even get a chance to talk. The new director puts up motivational posters inthe bathrooms. It sucks. Melinda considers leaving again, but chooses not to.She needs to stay, to protect her found family.
Phil is worried when he learns that Melinda is infected, andhe’s furious when Mace refuses to give him any information, then relieved whenSimmons reports that she’s been cured. He’s slightly alarmed when Simmonselaborates on exactly what the cure was, and then he’s curious about whatMelinda saw before she died.
Melinda doesn’t remember much of what happened while she wasinfected. But she remembers seeing Phil, and she remembers the comfort thatbrought her.
He’s annoying about it, repeatedly asking her about what shesaw. She wonders if he saw her before he died? Not that he’d remember. TAHITItook that away.
When he vanishes, she does everything she can to get himback, even getting Radcliffe to read the Darkhold. She knows Phil will bepissed when he finds out, but she doesn’t care. She needs him back, and theDarkhold may have the answers. She’s right. Radcliffe and his robot build aportal. When it opens, and she sees Phil being sucked into the darkness, andFitz doing his best to pull him out, her heart stops for a second. She tries torush in to help, but Radcliffe stops her. There’s nothing she can do but watchand yell at him to fight.
“I knew you weren’t gone,” she tells him when he comes backthrough.
“I know,” he responds.
Melinda remembers going to get AIDA. Then, she’s in a spa. Andagain, and again. Then, she’s escaping. And again, and again, and again. Then,she’s back in Bahrain. She saves the girl. She goes home to Andrew. She has noidea who Phil Coulson is.
Phil is mad at himself that he didn’t recognize that Maywasn’t the real May. He should have known. They’ve been through so muchtogether. He should have known. He kissed her—kissed it? Why did he do that?Their relationship has never been very physically intimate. He’s fine withkissing, and he loves Melinda, but she’s never been on his list of people hewants to kiss. Though lately…
He searches for her, the real her. The Russian brings up anassignment he and Melinda worked together, before Phil learned about hisidentities, before Melinda and Andrew were together. He had known, even then,that his relationship with Melinda was different, and special. She brought updating, and even though he wasn’t that interested, he was willing to considerit. For her.
Then, he’s a teacher. And Melinda May is the Hydra Agent whoendangered them all.
But, Phil has doubts. Something isn’t right about his life.It must be the soap. Hydra is brainwashing him with the soap. He learns how tomake his own.
Daisy brings Agent May to the Resistance’s base. Phil can’thelp but feel drawn to her. Daisy had mentioned that they were close in theother world. Phil wonders exactly how close?
He gets shot trying to leave, and it feels oddly familiar.May is there, helping him. “Come with me,” he tells her. “Just follow my lead.”
He wakes up in an unfamiliar room. May is hooked up next tohim. “Come on, May. Jump.” She wakes with a gasp.
He fills her in on everything she missed, carefully leavingout one certain detail. She picks up on it though. “What aren’t you tellingme?”
“I drank the bottle of Haig.”
“You piece of sh—” Phil is only slightly grateful that theexplosion stops her from finishing.
They don’t really have time to actually talk about whathappened, but they do their best in between setting up the plan to captureAIDA. Phil really wishes they had another bottle of Haig to help make the talkeasier, but they’re a bit busy at the moment. He really wants to reaffirm theirqueerplatonic relationship, maybe discuss physical intimacy, but he can’t dothat at the moment. He vows to buy another bottle as soon as everything hassettled down around them.
He isn’t able to keep that vow.
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niuniente · 7 years
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Hooefully this doesnt take to many messages lol. So I have this friend ive known since 6-7th grade. Were very close and she was the only person who stuck around after my dad died. When i moved highschools to the one im currently at and graduating this year from, she began to get increasingly clingy. She wants me to message her 24/7, she constantly forces me to tell her everything even if I tell her no (she gets upset and blanes herself when I say no, continuing on another message)
(Part 2) when ever I get other friends she constantly wants me to introduce them, she blames herself for a lot of stuff when its me just telling her no, or to stop. She makes me stand up for her shes trying to help me get her into a college when im dealing with everything of that stuff too, shes using me as a therapist even though she has one, Im not entirely convinced she has eceb attempted to make friends besides meabd at this point im getting upset. I feel like im bei n smothered and its draining making my depression worse, shes making me hate games and characters i use to enjoy (cause she tries to make all my favorite characters related to me) and idk what to do cause ive brought this stuff up to her numorous times, trying different ways each time and every time she guilts me into apologizing for it because she starts to cryI feel like im not allowed to breathe,all through this spring vacation she was pn a trip in flordia and couldnt message me and i feel bad but it felt relieving as hell knowing she couldnt and now shes back i havent responded to any of her messages cause idk what to do anymore
———————That’s not a friend but a manipulative person who is using toxic behavior to get you to do as she pleases. Guilt tripping, clinginess ect. aren’t normal behavior and putting everything into your fault isn’t either. She isn’t respecting you or your wishes. I’d stay stop having contact with her. Don’t answer her messages. Delete her from your contacts including social media. Don’t speak to her when she wants to interact with you. Don’t go to see her, don’t invite her over, don’t smother her.People with toxic behavior will continue doing that as long as their “target” allows them to do that aka they reply to them, keep contact to them, answer their calls and so on. No one can keep up this kind of a play alone if the other one refuses to participate. If she starts to guilt trip you by threatening to kill herself ect. ignore it. That’s manipulation. She’s already in therapy so let the therapist handle this, as they’re professional.NO ONE IS WORTH OF PUTTING YOURSELF IN THE SECOND PLACE AND HAVE YOUR HAPPINESS, HEALTH AND GOOD MOOD ROBBED FROM YOU. Nothing and no one. Ever. Ditch her out. Cold blooded way if needed to. Just stop reacting to her. She will resist this as she’s used to have you dancing around her on her command as she wishes, so of course she will protest. Have a temper tantrum. Cry. Throw a fit. It’s no different from a child at a candy isle being told “No” for the first time ever. Keep your cool and stay away from this person, completely. You don’t have to explain yourself to her or anyone else, especially when you have already tried to negotiate with her and told her about your feelings. This asks guts, but you are the priority in your life, no one else.She reminds me of a male friend I had when I was 19. Totally manipulative and dramatic “Oh poor me, everyone hates me, you hate me too, bohoo”-type who was threatening to kill himself every other day. I did my everything to help and after 2 years I just told him “That’s it. I have done my all, given my best for you, but since you aren’t going to step up and take responsibility of your own life, I quit. I don’t care anymore. It’s your life so do what you want with it.”I stopped. I cut all ties to him. Didn’t reply to ANY message after that anymore. I honestly didn’t care even if he’d killed himself - it’s not my job to be his garbage pin and if he sees killing himself fitting, fine with me. Fine after all those years of trying to help him the best way I could. I’m honestly stone cold blooded if people cross my lines and I don’t care a shit about them after that. I heard from him 10+ years later. He was happy, married, just a normal bloke in his late 20′s. So much for the dramatic suffering and black mailing.  
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iosihexa · 7 years
Text
petals for your efforts
ao3 link
warnings: none
ship: dan / phil
wordcount: 1757
extra stuff: tiny trace of pastel dan, dreaded 2nd person POV but according to a few people i pull it off In A Manner That Is Readable, soft, high school setting (ish), i recommend reading on ao3
You catch your first glimpse of him – the real him, you think, or at least a part of him that is a little more raw – at the far end of an overground station platform. Granted, you’re perhaps a bit more than distracted given the dismal weather, everything feeling blurry and a little too bright against the glary pale grey of the clouds, but. He’s there. And he looks miserable, clutching what looks like a delicately wired flower crown with sad, wet petals between his fingers.
For a brief moment, you’re highly tempted to wax poetic about his hands, because they’re beautiful, but there are other issues at hand.
“Hey,” you begin, and wince because you absolutely did not think this through. “Dan, right? Doing alright?”
He stares back at you, hair curling slightly from the moisture – he must straighten it every day, you muse – and then promptly looks back down to his shoes. “Hello, Phil.”
The two of you aren’t really in the same friendship circles. You have been vaguely aware of Dan since the beginning of the school year, but it’s a whole new experience to see him out of uniform and wearing – well.
“That colour looks nice on you,” you comment, gesturing vaguely towards the pale pink jumper he’s wearing, and squint, leaning closer to the little design in the centre of the shirt. “Is that an egg?”
He looks at you again, and you’re satisfied to note that he looks happier now, if a little amused. “Yes. Sunny-side up, so the egg’s name has been delegated Sunny. Also, thanks,” he surveys your own attire carefully, “your, uh. Subtle selection of black clothing is pretty neat, I guess.”
A nervous laugh manages to escape you lips as you gesture towards the flower crown still grasped gently between his fingers. “Can I take that? Perhaps it’ll be good to have some colour on me for a little while. I’ll return it on Monday at school?”
He looks surprised, to say the least. You blame the general concept of toxic masculinity and also the fact that he probably thinks you are the strangest, most uncouth person to have ever interacted with him.
Nonetheless, reaches up and places the flowers in your hair, and studies you evenly. “Looking good,” he says, and winks, and you think that you like him a bit.
DAN: look im just saying but you have to get your priorities straight WATCH THE CLASSICS FIRST god I cant believe you havent even watched fmab yet PHIL: Ok, ok, but sometimes I can’t help but go into the weird obscure things my friends recommend me, you know? PHIL: like it’s not like I know any better PHIL: anyways fine!!! I’ll watch your weird animes. But you have to read that novel I recommended to you. DAN: if it’s along the same lines as a john green novel phil i swear to god i’m never trusting your recs again PHIL: hey! John green’s books aren’t that bad. romance isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. PHIL: and it’s a good book, I promise. It’s exactly the kind of hipstery thing you’d like DAN: what on earth are you insinuating DAN: ok one of the protags isn’t straight I can get behind this PHIL: I can’t believe I managed to peg your interests just like that. DAN: hey, now. PHIL: Just read it. Tell me if you cry at the end :D DAN: i wont DAN: we must discuss this book when ive finished reading on saturday
Your mother is probably extremely glad that you’re getting out of the house of your own accord to meet up with friends for once. Or just a friend. Singular. You’re not about to admit it, but you’re very ready to see Dan in soft, colourful, non-school related clothing again.
He’s sitting in the very corner of the café you agreed to meet at, hunched away over what looks like a milkshake, and you take the opportunity to admire the robin’s egg blue of his shirt, and the demeanour of calmness he seems to have cast over himself, still reading the book you lent him. It’s just starting to sprinkle as you make your way into the shop and order.
“Hello,” you say, and he looks up and his smile stretches across his face languidly, dark eyes making contact with yours – he seemed awkward with eye contact the first time you talked to him at the station those few weeks back, but now it’s fine.
You curse the existence of involuntary physical responses as you heart beats a tiny bit faster, because it’s only been a few weeks, but you do like him. You’re not in denial, just frustrated and perhaps wishing that you could have a highschool romance story like any silly romcom film you’ve watched.
“Thought you were going to abandon me, like the terrible person you are,” he says, still grinning as he pats the seat next to him. “Sit down. We have some important themes and subtextual information from within this book we need to discuss.”
He slides the novel over to you, finger tracing a few lines. “Here, see this? And,” he flips a few pages over, “this? They only talk twice in the whole book – yes, I’ve been rereading – and yet everyone is convinced they’re in love. Remind me why, again?”
You smile back, and push his hand off the book. “You’re reading into it wrong,” and from the way his gaze challenges you, you’re willing to bet you’ll have a fun discussion.
Dan leans his head back on your blanket, somehow already at ease. The late afternoon light is filtering in through the windows, casting hazy, shattered beams of sun onto the bed.
“Your room is exactly as nerdy as I thought it would be,” he laughs a bit, and reaches over to examine the cactus you have placed on your desk. “You’re absolutely the type to name your plants, aren’t you? What’s this one’s name?”
You glance over. “Alistaire the Second,” you say. He lets out his soft, quiet laugh, the one that makes you feel a little bit more intimate and as if he trusts you.
“Of course,” he mutters quietly, then stares at you, not for the first time today. “Let’s paint our nails.”
“Our- what?”
He seems almost disappointed. Almost. “My sister let me take her collection of polishes, and I figured since I’m sleeping over, we should do cliche teenager sleepover things. And, since all the stuff boys are probably supposed to do during sleepovers are a lot less interesting than, say, gossiping about dudes and painting nails, we should do this.” He looks nervous for a moment. “Unless you don’t want to. We can put on a movie whilst we do it though, that’d be cool.”
Nodding vigorously, you set up your laptop and he brings out a suspicious number of glass bottles from his bag, looking a little relieved. You examine his array of colours, laughing a little bit. “Fluorescent yellow, a dodgy shade of mauve, this awful olive colour - this is quite a selection.”
He just does his grin again, and holds up a nice, bright, RGB colour wheel-worthy shade of blue. “This one for you. Actually,” he says, pushing another few bottles forwards, “you can have a rainbow.”
You end up playing Mulan in the background (Disney never fails), and he paints each nail on your left hand a different, horribly bright colour. In turn, you paint all his nails a wobbly black, except his pinkies, which he insists are painted a nice, glossy white. He wiggles his hands in front of your face. You have the urge to lick his hand, just because it’d be gross and maybe annoy him a little bit.
“Piano hands, Philly,” he says, and you look down at your own nails, which have very wobbly jobs as well.
“Uh. Vaporwave unicorn hands, Danny,” you reply, and he does his soft laugh again. Your gut clenches, and you decide you have to tell him before you regret staying quiet for months and months.
“Listen, D-”
“Oh yeah, heck,” he interrupts, jumping off the bed. “Look here, I got you a flower crown, I nearly forgot. We don’t talk about my favour for pastel clothing much, but you seemed to like the one I gave you at the train station a few months back, so you can have this.” He’s holding out a different crown, with slightly smaller roses on it, petals stained pink and orange and looping neatly with a few small leaves. “You don’t wear enough warm colours. Look, even your room is just blues, greens, black and white.”
“Thanks, Dan,” you say, almost whisper, and slot the flowers on your head. There’s a wash of fizzling happiness that rushes over you, and then you steel your nerves, pausing the film. “Listen, Dan,” you start again, and he looks ridiculously concerned for you, a tenebrous expression that you want to wipe off his face and replace with warmth again.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, and you shake your head.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing super terrible. Although I guess it depends on how you take it, but…”
“Oh, come on, Phil, you’re not allowed to keep me in suspense like this,” he jokes, wavering.
Your brain just a one-eighty and you collapse back onto your pillow. The flower crown is dislodged slightly, flipping back and resting against the headboard. “I can’t do this,” you groan, and stretch out your hand. “Here, take it.”
“What?”
“My hand. hold it.”
Silently, he acquiesces. “Um, Phil-”
“Look,” you say, staring at the ceiling fan, watching it spin lazy circles above you, “I kind of fancy you. In, yeah, that kind of way. I don’t know, but I like you a lot, so I guess that’s that. I mean,” you mumble, beginning to ramble, “I know you’re my friend and you probably don’t- ah.” You’re cut off by Dan flopping down next to you, lacing his fingers with yours.
“It’s alright, Phil.” he says, flicking your head. “I think you’re pretty neat too,” and he gives your hand a squeeze. You think about how nice you thought his hands were when you first saw him at the station. Outside, the summery orange tint of sunset has darkened into a shadowy navy, and the sky flashes white and blue with lightning, a thunderstorm carving patterns of rain down the window. “No kissing till the third date, though,” he teases.
You can accept that.
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jakemarnie-blog · 5 years
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3. Being an effective team member, contributor, building confidence and being efficient. At the conclusion of my first few events I have gained a considerable amount of experience in such a short period of time. I have been fortunate enough to have been given an opportunity to work at many different types of events such as the Australian Superbike Championship, Bendigo White Night, Eastland Icerink, Real Madrid Fan Experience and also the Chinese Moon Lantern Festival. Working across many different areas of events and performing whilst being an effective team member has allowed me to realise I have the tools and passion to be able to continue in the industry. This has continually built my confidence more and more each week. Bump in and bump outs of events I can now work autonomously and perform all tasks to a hjgh standard. At Bendigo White Night I was given the responsibility of a new task that I have not performed previously. As the event required tasks to be completed at different stages, it meant new staff were starting and ending their shifts at different times throughout the bump in. This meant that I was made responsible of inducting staff to the sight and ensuring they knew were abouts around the sight they were needed. Being given such an important task made me feel like I was providing significant value to Miles Per Hour. It also allowed me to develop vital transferrable skills within the sporting industry such as staff management, risk management and organisation. With each event I definitely am getting more confident and my efficiency is getting to the level required to work in events.
4. Challenges To date, the internship experience has been a positive one with very little challenges or hurdles. Due to the somewhat unpredictability of events there are always going to be various dificulties which will need to immediately be addressed and also putting together plans so it doesn’t happen in the future. The first challenge as previously mentioned was my lack of Microsoft Excel experience as I havent had to use the software at my previous roles. My major project at the MotoGP required me to build a schedule and budget using excel. I knew that excel is such a useful tool that all workplaces use in the industry so I made sure I took the time upskilling in this area but watching tutorials and experimenting using the different features. This was a relatively easy challenge to overcome. Another challenge we had to overcome at the first Australian Superbike event at Morgan Park, QLD was the severe winds throughout the weekend. This was an issue with all of the signage around the track as each morning we inspected the signage a lot had shifted out of position or blown over. This was also because the ground was way too hard to peg the signage into the ground. This would obviously be an issue on race day with the sponsors, camera crew and also safety. To ensure all signage were correctly placed for race day we had to be on track even early and improvise by filling each sign with tyres to weight them down. This was a one off issue as all other courses we were able to peg the signs into the ground. Another isssue at this event that was totally unavoidable was the podium skin being ripped off of the truss knocking down the grid girls. To ensure the podium was still available for the main presentations I took the initiative to hold the podium down from behind so that Motorcycling Australia and its sponsors would be happy. We identified that this issue cannot happen again in the future as it could have ended in injury and also significant costly damage to the podium. This meant that we made sure and planned that in future events, that the podium be facing a certain direction so its not affected by the wind. Another challenge in the industry is the long working hours. At some events I was working at we had to start at 6am and not finish until 10pm. This wasn’t an issue for me as I thoroughly enjoy this type of work and love being at events.
5. Achievements and milestones both technically and professionally Having now completed the entirety of my internship it is a perfect time to refllect on my major aachievements. From a professional standpoint I believe firstly I worked extremely hard and perfected all of my duties that were handed to me by all of my supervisors. Completing all of the different aspects of the staffing logistics for the MotoGP is definitely something I am proud of as the weekend could not have run any smoother. The briefing document I created was professional and will be used as a template going forward. The skills I have shown and developed over the course of the internship are much more than what I thought id be able to develop in such a short space of time. My initial goal and aspiration was to show enough skills and technical and professional growth to my supervisor with the hope to secure a role at Miles Per Hour. Having met with the owner at the conclusion of my 228 hours I can now say that because of my hard work and commitment I have been offered some part-time or casual work, working at events with the possibility of some office responsibilities. This is a great achievement for me now having completed my bachelor of sports business and searching for a start in my career in the industry. This will be a great starting point for me to be able to further enhance my skills and experience and add some real value to the company. 6. Career aspirations including goal setting (reflections on submitting job applications) Prior to beginning my studies at Holmesglen I have always aspired to have a career in the athlete management industry. Now that ive completed this has not changed. Hearing various guest speakers throughout the degree who have worked in that field, were able to secure an agency job after some time working in events. This is due to the transferrable skills of managing, problem solving and organisation. Working in events also allows you to deal with a range of people and clients which offer a great opportunity to network with the right people. As Miles Per Hour work in conjunction with one of the leaders of athlete management TLA Worlwide, moving forward this may provide me wi th the opportunity to network and build my professional brand to level where I may be sought after. This is now only a dream but given the opportunity to do so I would grab it with both hands. As completing the degree is still so fresh I do not currently have any immediate plans for starting my career in the industry other than the casual events role as previously mentioned. I have however also secured a role at Basketball Jersey World and have sent a job application for a duty manager role at YMCA managing the Casey Stadium. This internship process has allowed me to almost perfect writing job applications as I did annoyingly have to write numerous applications to land an internship role. Being a manager at a local facility would be a different kind of challenge all together but believe I do have the skills necessary to excel in this thanks to the course at Holmesglen as well as my jnternship and work experiences. As I am in America for a month I only applied for this role as a requirement of the unit but would be ecstatic given the opportunity. Once I do get back however I will definitely be on the lookout for a role whjch would suit my skills and aspirations. Im fairly confident that I can put together an attractive cover letter and resume addressing the selection criteria. I will ensure I regularly scan sportspeople and LinkedIn for the next big role. 7. Supervisor evaluations and future career professional development requirements   Not to be over confident but I was not surprised with receiving such a positive evaluation from the owner of Miles Per Hour, Geordie. All of the strengths of mine he has mentioned such as Ability to learn quickly, Communicate with other staff, Stay calm under pressure and Hard working attitude I have acquired through my various other jobs particularly at US Sports Down Under. These strengths however have undoubtedly been further developed through the 228 hour internship. When looking into whether or not I require further professional development I would say I believe I am ready to tackle role that im fortunate enough to land moving forward. Due to the nature of the course with all subjects being so industry specific which is not a feature at all universities I believe I already have tbe required knowledge in my focus areas such as sponsorship, events, marketing and athlete management. I would not require any further study. If anything, I would benefit and would love to do an internship in the US which many professional clubs offer numerous of. Working in the US would be a dream and completing an internship there would be a big step in achieving that.  
8. Student showcase and reflections on internship and studies Now that the internship, my studies and the student showcase are over I am first of all relieved to say the least. It has been an extremely long road to get to this point but I a mm extremely proud with what I have been able to achieve to date and definitely looking forward to the future. It was extremely exciting to hear all of the great experiences that my fellow classmates had throughout their internship and was quite pleased that I too had such a positive outcome from mine. I wasn’t short of exciting things to talk about and really wanted all the awesome events I was fortunate enough to attend to be a focus. I was happy for the students also who have actually been able to secure full time roles in the industry. Being such a competitive person this has made me even more determimed to put myself out there and try and land a full time role myself either in events, player management, sponsorship or venue management. After studying for 3 years at Holmesglen I believe it has prepared me well for the workforce especially with the sport and industry specific subjects ive been fortunate enough to undertake. Because of this I am extremely confident that I am well skilled and equipped enough to look attractive to potential employers. Due to feeling so prepared I believe I will have the confidence to deliver high standard interviews moving forward. Right now im looking forward to a little break, refresh and then search for that first full time role in the industry.    
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Oh Hi!
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Oh hey. Haha fuck I sound like my 6 year old self...”Oh hey diary! How are you? Sorry I havent written in a while..” But....yeah. I haven’t. So I think I have quite a few things to catch myself up on. 
I am not really sure if the reason I have’nt been writing. It think its a combination of being really busy (I moved, my cousin got married, my grandma Betty passed away, Ive been working two jobs pretty consistently, I’m still in acting classes, I’m trying to find a new agent) mixed with the fact that I am seeing a therapist once a week, so I guess a lot of the things that I would find myself writing about on here are being worked out with a professional in the real world. 
The trouble with being so busy, is everything kind of tends to feel like its coming at you at a warped hyper speed, you know? Like I feel like a lot of the time I dont have the luxury or the time to really process anything or be in the present moment because I’m too busy worrying about what needs to be done, or I am working....Its something that I have been trying to work on in therapy. I am also meditating before I go to sleep at night-trying to be present and also boost my self confidence. And when I finally DO have a minute to process things, I find myself being really tired and needing to lie down and close my eyes. Its really hard to find that time for me, and I am learning more and more that that time is something that I really need to find a way to prioritize. Finding time to just be with myself and not be distracted by thoughts of what I ‘should’ be doing or what I need to do in the next couple of days, you know? 
I also find myself getting a little sad and scared that I am too busy worrying and stressing and working myself so hard that I am missing out on moments that are more important...Like genuine time with myself or my friends. Really enjoying time in the moment with little things like the sun, blue skies, leaves blowing in the wind, reading a book, painting, writing, etc. 
Anyway..I guess that was just a really long winded way of me saying ‘I have been really busy’. 
So...I’ll just give a quick recap of the past couple of months. 
Okay, so I thiiiiiink I wrote about working on ‘Sacred Lies’ on my last post? But just in case, I will give a quick little refresher. So I got cast as an SOC principle character on a TV show about a cult...and my roommate Daniel actually got cast too, so it was really nice to have a carpool buddy and someone that I could talk to on set. But it turned out that I was actually okay on my own too. The cast was really nice and I ended up making some pretty cool friends with a couple of them. 
Its been prettttyyyy much dead for me since then though. So in terms of acting, I have been unemployed since April. And I knooowwww that I should feel liucky for the opportunity-AND I DO!!!. Its just, I am starting to feel a little antsy...and wanting to get back on something...anything!! I’ve said it many times before, but its really hard for a woman to navigate through this industry. And I’m not even a fuckin minority- I know I have white privelage, and I feel shitty saying this, but....Its been really tough for me as a woman in this industry in the past few months, man. 
Like. I am just going to rant here for a sec. Since Sacred Lies, Daniel has booked 3 more shows and has gone down to LA twice to see casting directors and shit. And I have had....maaayybe 3 auditions? I wanna say 2 of them were one liners. What reaaallllyyyy bothers me is that I can guarantee that these booking have NOTHING to do with his talent, or his resume (think I have spoken about his weird act-y voice and his horrible, narcissistic attitude). It all has to do with the fact that he is a tall, young looking white guy. THATS IT. 
The thing I dont understand about hollywood is this. They FINALLY make these HUGE blockbuster films starring women and people of colour like ‘Wonder Woman’ and ‘Black Panther’ and ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ and they all make MAAAADDD bank. They are so well received that they break box office records. Which absolutely makes sense because there are people who are FINALLY feeling represented and like they ACTUALLY see themselves in the characters on screen. But they still make so many films that have a 1. pro-dominantly white cast and 2. Most of the main characters are played by WHITE MEN. Like...How many Hollywood Rom-Coms have cast someone who identifies as First Nations as a lead? Someone who identifies as Middle Eastern? Muslim? Asian? Lesbian? Trans? Non-Binary? Truthfully, there are maaannny things about the injustices in this industry that I am not even aware of, and I could be overstepping my boundaries by saying all of this, but man. If I am feeling unrepresented and angry as a white woman, I cannot even IMAGINE how angry many of the minorities feel. Fuck it makes me so angry man.  Honestly, I could talk about this for hours until my head blows up or I throw my fucking computer across the room, so I am just going to stop there by saying this. More people of colour need to be cast (especially First Nations actors!!), more women need to be given larger roles and more women need to write, direct, produce, AD, edit, sound design-every single role in film needs more women. Period. 
Okay moving on. My cousin Alex got married this summer! Fuck that was emotional. The whole experience was just so lovely and happy and so much fun. She was married on the lake that we grew up spending our summers on. There was a lot of smoke from forest fires, but it was still so beautiful. Our family was there and it was amazing. I was Maid of Honour (My sister was supposed to be there as Co-maid of honour with me, but she was at school already, down in the states, so she couldn't be there.) and I was also the MC. I was really stressed about it at first, but once I had a few drinks in me, I felt better and had alot of fun (I think the guests had fun too...unless they were all just pretending to laugh at all of my jokes...). I gotta say though, I am not a huge fan of her husband. He’s not friendly, very needy and relies on her too much and their relationship reminded me a lot of what my parent’s looked like when I was growing up. Plus his family is fuckin trash (His bother and his brother’s girlfriend ended up getting in a huuggeee fight the night before the wedding and the cops were called, so Alex’s husband ended up calling her and asking her to come get her...) Anyway. Their relationship isn't any of my business...and as hard as it is to see someone I love be married to someone I dont particularly like or respect, I gotta let it be and hope for the best for her. 
My grandma Betty also recently passed. Which was very sad. I’ve experienced death and loss before, but it was when I was younger. This was the first time that I experienced death as an adult. When I think about how my sister and I got through what we did when we were kids, I just...I dont know how in the hell we did it. Becuase my grandma had dementia, and was very unwell and not herself, when I got the call, I was almost relieved. Obviously I was very sad. But I also felt strangely grateful for the time that I had with her and I also felt very lucky to have someone like her watching out over me. Like I FINALLY had someone in my corner. I still cant believe that she's gone. Saying that she ‘passed away’ is still so strange to say. 
Anyway...thats pretty much it. Lots of life happened in the past couple of months. Lots of crying, anxiety, laughs, reminiscing, hoping, meditating, painting, more crying, more anxiety...just lots of life man. 
I gotta say though, instead of ending this on a note of desperately hoping for ‘something good to happen’ by masking it with “manifesting”, I think I’m going to end it by saying this instead. 
I am going to take better care of myself. And be kinder to myself. I think that something good will come out of that regardless. Whether it be through acting or just my relationship with myself. For once in my life, I am going to take care of myself. Everything else comes secondary (at least for now) and will happen as its supposed to, according to the universe. 
And by saying that, by putting myself first, I think everything I have ever wanted for myself will come when its ready and in a healthier and more welcomed way. 
Okay. Thanks.
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notheretobecute · 6 years
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It had been 2 weeks since Sayuri and Tomouka had officially moved in to their new home. They were ecstatic, the house was beautifully decorated with styles from eastern and western cultures beautifully scattered throughout it. Sayuri had decided to invite their new friends and neighbours, Jack and Jackie, to a house warming dinner.
Sayuri was cooking in the kitchen with Tomouka setting the table, lighting candles and putting on some mood music. The doorbell rang and sayuri found herself blushing at the thought of seeing Jack. His blue eyes...his red hair..
"Uhm Ding dong? Sayuri?"
Tomouka grabbed her shoulder lightly "Sayuri the door is going and you know I refuse to answer the door." Sayuri laughed and shook her head
"Sorry Tomouchi Ive got it. Stir the food for me?" She left him in the kitchen and removed her blue apron, hung it on the back of a chair and went to the door. She looked in the mirror beside the front door and quickly readjusted her ponytail before opening the door.
Jack was standing holding a bottle of wine, it matched his hair in colour. He wore a black shirt that hugged his body beautifully, it was untucked over his dark blue skinny jeans. His hair fell messily over his left eye, he was smiling sweetly.
Jackie was stood beside him, holding a beautifully design blueberry pie, the pastry shaped like roses. Her hair fell in beautiful red ringlets, her eyes were green with smoky eyeshadow and long black eyelashes framed them, she was pale and beautiful, wearing a black dress with purple lace trim that hugged her waist with a pleated skirt.
"Guess who brought back the pie dish~!"
Jackie sang as she kissed Sayuris cheek and ran into the house "Oh my goodness this place is great! You must be tomouka!!" Her voice got quieter as she went further into the house.
Sayuri laughed and looked to Jack, her blush was still burning on her cheeks, He handed her the bottle of wine and leaned in to softly kiss her on the cheek, his hand lingered on her arm for a moment longer than would have been considered friendly before he followed his sister with a chuckle. Sayuri was sure she would melt if he had stayed so close for a moment longer, he smelled like cherries.
She quickly shut the door and carried the wine through to the living room, she placed it on the beautifully decorated dining table that was at the back of the living room, the table was mahogany with a silk dining room table cloth, it seemed to be from an oriental country but it wasn't obvious which one. She poked her head in the kitchen "Tomouchi do you need me to take over?" Jackie was sitting on the bunker next to the stove watching Tomouka cook, she looked over to sayuri and smiled "it's so amazing to have someone else cook for me, I'm the chef at home, Jacks always too hungover or tired from work." She giggled and jumped off the counter and walked to the livingroom to join Jack.
Jack scoffed "Excuse you I have an important job" the two started to playfully bicker as they sat at the dining table. Tomouka shook his head "Ive got it sis, should only be 10 minutes. Why don't you guys have some wine and I'll bring the food through when its done. Youve done so much already!" He shooed her out the kitchen while laughing.
Sayuri laughed "Okay okay okay" she grabbed 4 wine glasses from the cabinet, they were beautiful with rose gold rims and the glass was multicoloured. She placed them on the table and opened the wine "you guys all want?" Jack and Jackie nodded, but Jackie looked confused "Whose the 4th for? I thought he was only 19." Sayuri nodded "he is but in our country we are allowed to have a glass of alcohol with dinner at 16" she poured a glass for everyone and left tomoukas glass on the dining room table at his place setting.
The 3 of them sat down, Jackie sat opposite Sayuri whilst Jack sat next to her. Sayuri sipped the wine and was surprised to taste sweet liquor "this is really nice, where did you get this?" Jack grinned "Well that bottle is the 1975 barbera sori vagnona..." Jackie cut him off "And he got it from our parents wine cellar" she laughed at the blush flooding Jacks cheeks.
Suddenly they heard a clatter from the kitchen, faster than expected Sayuri stood, knocking her chair backwards as she ran into the kitchen, Jack and Jackie followed.
Tomouka was lying on the kitchen floor crying out in pain, arching his back up from the floor, the pot of beef stroganoff was on the floor beside him. Sayuri ran to his side and got on her knees but she felt hands on her arms. Jackie was pulling her up and away from him, what was happening? Sayuri started to panic and struggle "No no sayuri give Jack room, call an ambulance and calm down! You need to give them details about Tomouka and get them here, tell them Dr . Collins is on the scene and it is priority one." Doctor? Sayuri nodded and grabbed her landline phone, tears filling her eyes as she looked at Tomouka, Jackie was holding sayuri gently, trying to keep her calm.
Jack was down on his knees at Tomoukas side, taking his vitals "Tomouka? Hey I need you to stay concious buddy whats happening? Where does it hurt? Can you tell me?" Tomoukas eyes fluttered open and shut as he tried to speak but no words came out, his hand went up to his side and grabbed it "Oh here?" He lifted up tomoukas shirt and started pressing on his abdomen gently "its your appendix buddy" tomouka was crying out softly from the pain, every cry made sayuri flinch. Jack looked around "Jackie get me a pillow?" Jackie fetched it immediately before returning to hold up Sayuri who was still talking to the paramedics. Jack put the pillow over his stomach and applied light pressure "Okay Tomouka I'm going to need you to cough or laugh to reduce the pain." Tomouka started coughing and seemed slightly relieved but he had to keep coughing.
Eventually the ambulance arrived and Jack got in the ambulance with Tomouka, Sayuri came down stairs to see Jackie waiting for her with a soft smile, Sayuri was holding an over night bag for the hospital. She walked over to Jackie and sighed "Tonight was different..why did you stay?" Jackie shook her head and hugged her "Sayuri I'm taking you to the hospital, you cant drive right now, you havent stopped crying. The paramedics and Jack have both told you its going to be okay but.." Jackie looked around "Your parents..aren't here anymore huh? Thats why your so panicked..did the same thing happen to them?"
Sayuri looked surprised before laughing softly "I see you are quite the detective. My dad left when me and Jack were young but my mum and my step dad were lovely. My mum one day..got hurt from the inside and died. We later found out it was cancer and its genetic. So I'm always scared.." Jackie nodded and took Sayuris hand "it's going to be okay. Lets go see Tomouka." Sayuri followed Jackie to her car "His friends call him Tomouchi..I think you count now." They smiled at eachother and set off to the hospital.
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cosmicsubs · 7 years
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windicksy said: by all laws of aviation the bee should not be able to fly
 its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground
 the bee of course flies anyway
 because bees dont care
what humans think is impossible
 yellow black yellow black
yellow black yellow black
 ooh black and yellow
lets shake it up a little
 barry breakfast is ready
 ooming
 hang on a second
 hello?
  barry?
adam?
  oan you believe this is happening?
i cant ill pick you up
 looking sharp
 use the stairs your father
paid good money for those
 sorry im excited
 heres the graduate
were very proud of you son
 a perfect report card all bs
 very proud
 ma i got a thing going here
  you got lint on your fuzz
ow thats me
  wave to us well be in row 118000
bye
 barry i told you
stop flying in the house
  hey adam
hey barry
  is that fuzz gel?
a little special day graduation
 never thought id make it
 three days grade school
three days high school
 those were awkward
 three days college im glad i took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive
 you did come back different
  hi barry
artie growing a mustache? looks good
  hear about frankie?
yeah
  you going to the funeral?
no im not going
 everybody knows
sting someone you die
 dont waste it on a squirrel
such a hothead
 i guess he could have
just gotten out of the way
 i love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day
 thats why we dont need vacations
 boy quite a bit of pomp
under the circumstances
  well adam today we are men
we are
  beemen
amen
 hallelujah
 students faculty distinguished bees
 please welcome dean buzzwell
 welcome new hive oity
graduating class of
 9:15
 that concludes our ceremonies
 and begins your career
at honex industries
 will we pick ourjob today?
 i heard its just orientation
 heads up here we go
 keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times
  wonder what itll be like?
a little scary
 welcome to honex
a division of honesco
 and a part of the hexagon group
 this is it
 wow
 wow
 we know that you as a bee
have worked your whole life
 to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life
 honey begins when our valiant pollen
jocks bring the nectar to the hive
 our topsecret formula
 is automatically colorcorrected
scentadjusted and bubblecontoured
 into this soothing sweet syrup
 with its distinctive
golden glow you know as
 honey
  that girl was hot
shes my cousin
  she is?
yes were all cousins
  right youre right
at honex we constantly strive
 to improve every aspect
of bee existence
 these bees are stresstesting
a new helmet technology
  what do you think he makes?
not enough
 here we have our latest advancement
the krelman
  what does that do?
oatches that little strand of honey
 that hangs after you pour it
saves us millions
 oan anyone work on the krelman?
 of course most bee jobs are
small ones but bees know
 that every small job
if its done well means a lot
 but choose carefully
 because youll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life
 the same job the rest of your life?
i didnt know that
 whats the difference?
 youll be happy to know that bees
as a species havent had one day off
 in 27 million years
 so youll just work us to death?
 well sure try
 wow that blew my mind
 "whats the difference?"
how can you say that?
 one job forever?
thats an insane choice to have to make
 im relieved now we only have
to make one decision in life
 but adam how could they
never have told us that?
 why would you question anything?
were bees
 were the most perfectly
functioning society on earth
 you ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?
 like what? give me one example
 i dont know but you know
what im talking about
 please clear the gate
royal nectar force on approach
 wait a second oheck it out
  hey those are pollen jocks
wow
 ive never seen them this close
 they know what its like
outside the hive
 yeah but some dont come back
  hey jocks
hi jocks
 you guys did great
 youre monsters
youre sky freaks i love it i love it
  i wonder where they were
i dont know
 their days not planned
 outside the hive flying who knows
where doing who knows what
 you cantjust decide to be a pollen
jock you have to be bred for that
 right
 look thats more pollen
than you and i will see in a lifetime
 its just a status symbol
bees make too much of it
 perhaps unless youre wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it
 those ladies?
arent they our cousins too?
 distant distant
 look at these two
  oouple of hive harrys
lets have fun with them
 it must be dangerous
being a pollen jock
 yeah once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom
 he had a paw on my throat
and with the other he was slapping me
  oh my
i never thought id knock him out
 what were you doing during this?
 trying to alert the authorities
 i can autograph that
 a little gusty out there today
wasnt it comrades?
 yeah gusty
 were hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow
  six miles huh?
barry
 a puddle jump for us
but maybe youre not up for it
  maybe i am
you are not
 were going 0900 at jgate
 what do you think buzzyboy?
are you bee enough?
 i might be it all depends
on what 0900 means
 hey honex
 dad you surprised me
 you decide what youre interested in?
  well theres a lot of choices
but you only get one
 do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?
 son let me tell you about stirring
 you grab that stick and you just
move it around and you stir it around
 you get yourself into a rhythm
its a beautiful thing
 you know dad
the more i think about it
 maybe the honey field
just isnt right for me
 you were thinking of what
making balloon animals?
 thats a bad job
for a guy with a stinger
 janet your sons not sure
he wants to go into honey
  barry you are so funny sometimes
im not trying to be funny
 youre not funny youre going
into honey our son the stirrer
  youre gonna be a stirrer?
no ones listening to me
 wait till you see the sticks i have
 i could say anything right now
im gonna get an ant tattoo
 lets open some honey and celebrate
 maybe ill pierce my thorax
shave my antennae
 shack up with a grasshopper get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"
 im so proud
  were starting work today
todays the day
 oome on all the good jobs
will be gone
 yeah right
 pollen counting stunt bee pouring
stirrer front desk hair removal
  is it still available?
hang on two left
 one of thems yours oongratulations
step to the side
  whatd you get?
picking crud out stellar
 wow
 oouple of newbies?
 yes sir our first day we are ready
 make your choice
  you want to go first?
no you go
 oh my whats available?
 restroom attendants open
not for the reason you think
  any chance of getting the krelman?
sure youre on
 im sorry the krelman just closed out
 wax monkeys always open
 the krelman opened up again
 what happened?
 a bee died makes an opening see?
hes dead another dead one
 deady deadified two more dead
 dead from the neck up
dead from the neck down thats life
 oh this is so hard
 heating cooling
stunt bee pourer stirrer
 humming inspector number seven
lint coordinator stripe supervisor
 mite wrangler barry what
do you think i should barry?
 barry
 all right weve got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine
 what happened to you?
where are you?
  im going out
out? out where?
  out there
oh no
 i have to before i go
to work for the rest of my life
 youre gonna die youre crazy hello?
 another call coming in
 if anyones feeling brave
theres a korean deli on 83rd
 that gets their roses today
 hey guys
  look at that
isnt that the kid we saw yesterday?
 hold it son flight decks restricted
 its ok lou were gonna take him up
 really? feeling lucky are you?
 sign here here just initial that
  thank you
ok
 you got a rain advisory today
 and as you all know
bees cannot fly in rain
 so be careful as always
watch your brooms
 hockey sticks dogs
birds bears and bats
 also i got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us
 murphys in a home because of it
babbling like a cicada
  thats awful
and a reminder for you rookies
 bee law number one
absolutely no talking to humans
 all right launch positions
 buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz
buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz
 black and yellow
 hello
 you ready for this hot shot?
 yeah yeah bring it on
 wind check
  antennae check
nectar pack check
  wings check
stinger check
 scared out of my shorts check
 ok ladies
 lets move it out
 pound those petunias
you striped stemsuckers
 all of you drain those flowers
 wow im out
 i cant believe im out
 so blue
 i feel so fast and free
 box kite
 wow
 flowers
 this is blue leader
we have roses visual
 bring it around 30 degrees and hold
 roses
 30 degrees roger bringing it around
 stand to the side kid
its got a bit of a kick
 that is one nectar collector
  ever see pollination up close?
no sir
 i pick up some pollen here sprinkle it
over here maybe a dash over there
 a pinch on that one
see that? its a little bit of magic
 thats amazing why do we do that?
 thats pollen power more pollen more
flowers more nectar more honey for us
 oool
 im picking up a lot of bright yellow
oould be daisies dont we need those?
 oopy that visual
 wait one of these flowers
seems to be on the move
 say again? youre reporting
a moving flower?
 affirmative
 that was on the line
 this is the coolest what is it?
 i dont know but im loving this color
 it smells good
not like a flower but i like it
 yeah fuzzy
 ohemicaly
 oareful guys its a little grabby
 my sweet lord of bees
 oandybrain get off there
 problem
  guys
this could be bad
 affirmative
 very close
 gonna hurt
 mamas little boy
 you are way out of position rookie
 ooming in at you like a missile
 help me
 i dont think these are flowers
  should we tell him?
i think he knows
 what is this?
 match point
 you can start packing up honey
because youre about to eat it
 yowser
 gross
 theres a bee in the car
  do something
im driving
  hi bee
hes back here
 hes going to sting me
 nobody move if you dont move
he wont sting you freeze
 he blinked
 spray him granny
 what are you doing?
 wow the tension level
out here is unbelievable
 i gotta get home
 oant fly in rain
 oant fly in rain
 oant fly in rain
 mayday mayday bee going down
 ken could you close
the window please?
 ken could you close
the window please?
 oheck out my new resume
i made it into a foldout brochure
 you see? folds out
 oh no more humans i dont need this
 what was that?
 maybe this time this time this time
this time this time this
 drapes
 that is diabolical
 its fantastic its got all my special
skills even my topten favorite movies
 whats number one? star wars?
 nah i dont go for that
 kind of stuff
 no wonder we shouldnt talk to them
theyre out of their minds
 when i leave a job interview theyre
flabbergasted cant believe what i say
 theres the sun maybe thats a way out
 i dont remember the sun
having a big 75 on it
 i predicted global warming
 i could feel it getting hotter
at first i thought it was just me
 wait stop bee
 stand back these are winter boots
 wait
 dont kill him
 you know im allergic to them
this thing could kill me
 why does his life have
less value than yours?
 why does his life have any less value
than mine? is that your statement?
 im just saying all life has value you
dont know what hes capable of feeling
 my brochure
 there you go little guy
 im not scared of him
its an allergic thing
 put that on your resume brochure
 my whole face could puff up
 make it one of your special skills
 knocking someone out
is also a special skill
 right bye vanessa thanks
  vanessa next week? yogurt night?
sure ken you know whatever
  you could put carob chips on there
bye
  supposed to be less calories
bye
 i gotta say something
 she saved my life
i gotta say something
 all right here it goes
 nah
 what would i say?
 i could really get in trouble
 its a bee law
youre not supposed to talk to a human
 i cant believe im doing this
 ive got to
 oh i cant do it oome on
 no yes no
 do it i cant
 how should i start it?
"you like jazz?" no thats no good
 here she comes speak you fool
 hi
 im sorry
  youre talking
yes i know
 youre talking
 im so sorry
 no its ok its fine
i know im dreaming
 but i dont recall going to bed
 well im sure this
is very disconcerting
 this is a bit of a surprise to me
i mean youre a bee
 i am and im not supposed
to be doing this
 but they were all trying to kill me
 and if it wasnt for you
 i had to thank you
its just how i was raised
 that was a little weird
  im talking with a bee
yeah
 im talking to a bee
and the bee is talking to me
 i just want to say im grateful
ill leave now
  wait how did you learn to do that?
what?
 the talking thing
 same way you did i guess
"mama dada honey" you pick it up
  thats very funny
yeah
 bees are funny if we didnt laugh
wed cry with what we have to deal with
 anyway
 oan i
 get you something?
like what?
 i dont know i mean
i dont know ooffee?
 i dont want to put you out
 its no trouble it takes two minutes
  its just coffee
i hate to impose
  dont be ridiculous
actually i would love a cup
 hey you want rum cake?
  i shouldnt
have some
  no i cant
oome on
 im trying to lose a couple micrograms
  where?
these stripes dont help
 you look great
 i dont know if you know
anything about fashion
 are you all right?
 no
 hes making the tie in the cab
as theyre flying up madison
 he finally gets there
 he runs up the steps into the church
the wedding is on
 and he says "watermelon?
i thought you said guatemalan
 why would i marry a watermelon?"
 is that a bee joke?
 thats the kind of stuff we do
 yeah different
 so what are you gonna do barry?
 about work? i dont know
 i want to do my part for the hive
but i cant do it the way they want
 i know how you feel
  you do?
sure
 my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor but i wanted to be a florist
  really?
my only interest is flowers
 our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan
 anyway if you look
 theres my hive right there see it?
 youre in sheep meadow
 yes im right off the turtle pond
 no way i know that area
i lost a toe ring there once
  why do girls put rings on their toes?
why not?
  its like putting a hat on your knee
maybe ill try that
  you all right maam?
oh yeah fine
 just having two cups of coffee
 anyway this has been great
thanks for the coffee
 yeah its no trouble
 sorry i couldnt finish it if i did
id be up the rest of my life
 are you?
 oan i take a piece of this with me?
 sure here have a crumb
  thanks
yeah
 all right well then
i guess ill see you around
 or not
 ok barry
 and thank you
so much again for before
 oh that? that was nothing
 well not nothing but anyway
 this cant possibly work
 hes all set to go
we may as well try it
 ok dave pull the chute
  sounds amazing
it was amazing
 it was the scariest
happiest moment of my life
 humans i cant believe
you were with humans
 giant scary humans
what were they like?
 huge and crazy they talk crazy
 they eat crazy giant things
they drive crazy
  do they try and kill you like on tv?
some of them but some of them dont
  howd you get back?
poodle
 you did it and im glad you saw
whatever you wanted to see
 you had your "experience" now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal
  well
well?
 well i met someone
 you did? was she beeish?
  a wasp? your parents will kill you
no no no not a wasp
  spider?
im not attracted to spiders
 i know its the hottest thing
with the eight legs and all
 i cant get by that face
 so who is she?
 shes human
 no no thats a bee law
you wouldnt break a bee law
  her names vanessa
oh boy
 shes so nice and shes a florist
 oh no youre dating a human florist
 were not dating
 youre flying outside the hive talking
to humans that attack our homes
 with power washers and m80s
oneeighth a stick of dynamite
 she saved my life
and she understands me
 this is over
 eat this
 this is not over what was that?
  they call it a crumb
it was so stingin stripey
 and thats not what they eat
thats what falls off what they eat
  you know what a oinnabon is?
no
 its bread and cinnamon and frosting
they heat it up
 sit down
 really hot
listen to me
 we are not them were us
theres us and theres them
 yes but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?
 theres no yearning
stop yearning listen to me
 you have got to start thinking bee
my friend thinking bee
  thinking bee
thinking bee
 thinking bee thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
 there he is hes in the pool
 you know what your problem is barry?
 i gotta start thinking bee?
 how much longer will this go on?
 its been three days
why arent you working?
 ive got a lot of big life decisions
to think about
 what life? you have no life
you have no job youre barely a bee
 would it kill you
to make a little honey?
 barry come out
your fathers talking to you
 martin would you talk to him?
 barry im talking to you
 you coming?
 got everything?
 all set
 go ahead ill catch up
 dont be too long
 watch this
 vanessa
  were still here
i told you not to yell at him
 he doesnt respond to yelling
  then why yell at me?
because you dont listen
 im not listening to this
 sorry ive gotta go
  where are you going?
im meeting a friend
 a girl? is this why you cant decide?
 bye
 i just hope shes beeish
 they have a huge parade
of flowers every year in pasadena?
 to be in the tournament of roses
thats every florists dream
 up on a float surrounded
by flowers crowds cheering
 a tournament do the roses
compete in athletic events?
 no all right ive got one
how come you dont fly everywhere?
 its exhausting why dont you
run everywhere? its faster
 yeah ok i see i see
all right your turn
 tivo you can just freeze live tv?
thats insane
 you dont have that?
 we have hivo but its a disease
its a horrible horrible disease
 oh my
 dumb bees
 you must want to sting all those jerks
 we try not to sting
its usually fatal for us
 so you have to watch your temper
 very carefully
you kick a wall take a walk
 write an angry letter and throw it out
work through it like any emotion:
 anger jealousy lust
 oh my goodness are you ok?
 yeah
  what is wrong with you?
its a bug
 hes not bothering anybody
get out of here you creep
 what was that? a pic n save circular?
 yeah it was how did you know?
 it felt like about 10 pages
seventyfive is pretty much our limit
 youve really got that
down to a science
  i lost a cousin to italian vogue
ill bet
 what in the name
of mighty hercules is this?
 how did this get here?
oute bee golden blossom
 ray liotta private select?
  is he that actor?
i never heard of him
  why is this here?
for people we eat it
 you dont have
enough food of your own?
  well yes
how do you get it?
  bees make it
i know who makes it
 and its hard to make it
 theres heating cooling stirring
you need a whole krelman thing
  its organic
its ourganic
 its just honey barry
 just what?
 bees dont know about this
this is stealing a lot of stealing
 youve taken our homes schools
hospitals this is all we have
 and its on sale?
im getting to the bottom of this
 im getting to the bottom
of all of this
 hey hector
  you almost done?
almost
 he is here i sense it
 well i guess ill go home now
 and just leave this nice honey out
with no one around
 youre busted box boy
 i knew i heard something
so you can talk
 i can talk
and now youll start talking
 where you getting the sweet stuff?
whos your supplier?
 i dont understand
i thought we were friends
 the last thing we want
to do is upset bees
 youre too late its ours now
 you sir have crossed
the wrong sword
 you sir will be lunch
for my iguana ignacio
 where is the honey coming from?
 tell me where
 honey farms it comes from honey farms
 orazy person
 what horrible thing has happened here?
 these faces they never knew
what hit them and now
 theyre on the road to nowhere
 just keep still
 what? youre not dead?
 do i look dead? they will wipe anything
that moves where you headed?
 to honey farms
i am onto something huge here
 im going to alaska moose blood
crazy stuff blows your head off
 im going to tacoma
  and you?
he really is dead
 all right
 uhoh
  what is that?
oh no
  a wiper triple blade
triple blade?
 jump on its your only chance bee
 why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?
 how much do you people need to see?
 open your eyes
stick your head out the window
 from npr news in washington
im oarl kasell
 but dont kill no more bugs
  bee
moose blood guy
  you hear something?
like what?
 like tiny screaming
 turn off the radio
 whassup bee boy?
 hey blood
 just a row of honey jars
as far as the eye could see
 wow
 i assume wherever this truck goes
is where theyre getting it
 i mean that honeys ours
  bees hang tight
were all jammed in
 its a close community
 not us man we on our own
every mosquito on his own
  what if you get in trouble?
you a mosquito you in trouble
 nobody likes us they just smack
see a mosquito smack smack
 at least youre out in the world
you must meet girls
 mosquito girls try to trade up
get with a moth dragonfly
 mosquito girl dont want no mosquito
 you got to be kidding me
 moosebloods about to leave
the building so long bee
  hey guys
mooseblood
 i knew id catch yall down here
did you bring your crazy straw?
 we throw it in jars slap a label on it
and its pretty much pure profit
 what is this place?
 a bees got a brain
the size of a pinhead
 they are pinheads
 pinhead
  oheck out the new smoker
oh sweet thats the one you want
 the thomas 3000
 smoker?
 ninety puffs a minute semiautomatic
twice the nicotine all the tar
 a couple breaths of this
knocks them right out
 they make the honey
and we make the money
 "they make the honey
and we make the money"?
 oh my
 whats going on? are you ok?
 yeah it doesnt last too long
 do you know youre
in a fake hive with fake walls?
 our queen was moved here
we had no choice
 this is your queen?
thats a man in womens clothes
 thats a drag queen
 what is this?
 oh no
 theres hundreds of them
 bee honey
 our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale
 this is worse than anything bears
have done i intend to do something
 oh barry stop
 who told you humans are taking
our honey? thats a rumor
 do these look like rumors?
 thats a conspiracy theory
these are obviously doctored photos
 how did you get mixed up in this?
 hes been talking to humans
  what?
talking to humans?
 he has a human girlfriend
and they make out
 make out? barry
 we do not
  you wish you could
whose side are you on?
 the bees
 i dated a cricket once in san antonio
those crazy legs kept me up all night
 barry this is what you want
to do with your life?
 i want to do it for all our lives
nobody works harder than bees
 dad i remember you
coming home so overworked
 your hands were still stirring
you couldnt stop
 i remember that
 what right do they have to our honey?
 we live on two cups a year they put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever
 even if its true what can one bee do?
 sting them where it really hurts
 in the face the eye
  that would hurt
no
 up the nose? thats a killer
 theres only one place you can sting
the humans one place where it matters
 hive at five the hives only
fullhour action news source
 no more bee beards
 with bob bumble at the anchor desk
 weather with storm stinger
 sports with buzz larvi
 and jeanette ohung
  good evening im bob bumble
and im jeanette ohung
 a tricounty bee barry benson
 intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey
 packaging it and profiting
from it illegally
 tomorrow night on bee larry king
 well have three former queens here in
our studio discussing their new book
 olassy ladies
out this week on hexagon
 tonight were talking to barry benson
 did you ever think "im a kid
from the hive i cant do this"?
 bees have never been afraid
to change the world
 what about bee oolumbus?
bee gandhi? bejesus?
 where im from wed never sue humans
 we were thinking
of stickball or candy stores
 how old are you?
 the bee community
is supporting you in this case
 which will be the trial
of the bee century
 you know they have a larry king
in the human world too
 its a common name next week
 he looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots
 next week
 glasses quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard em
 bear week next week
theyre scary hairy and here live
 always leans forward pointy shoulders
squinty eyes very jewish
 in tennis you attack
at the point of weakness
 it was my grandmother ken shes 81
 honey her backhands a joke
im not gonna take advantage of that?
 quiet please
actual work going on here
  is that that same bee?
yes it is
 im helping him sue the human race
  hello
hello bee
 this is ken
 yeah i remember you timberland size
ten and a half vibram sole i believe
 why does he talk again?
 listen you better go
cause were really busy working
 but its our yogurt night
 byebye
 why is yogurt night so difficult?
 you poor thing
you two have been at this for hours
 yes and adam here
has been a huge help
  frosting
how many sugars?
 just one i try not
to use the competition
 so why are you helping me?
 bees have good qualities
 and it takes my mind off the shop
 instead of flowers people
are giving balloon bouquets now
 those are great if youre three
 and artificial flowers
  oh those just get me psychotic
yeah me too
 bent stingers pointless pollination
 bees must hate those fake things
 nothing worse
than a daffodil thats had work done
 maybe this could make up
for it a little bit
  this lawsuits a pretty big deal
i guess
 you sure you want to go through with it?
 am i sure? when im done with
the humans they wont be able
 to say "honey im home"
without paying a royalty
 its an incredible scene
here in downtown manhattan
 where the world anxiously waits
because for the first time in history
 we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak
 what have we gotten into here barry?
 its pretty big isnt it?
 i cant believe how many humans
dont work during the day
 you think billiondollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?
 everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade
  whats the matter?
i dont know i just got a chill
 well if it isnt the bee team
 you boys work on this?
 all rise the honorable
judge bumbleton presiding
 all right oase number 4475
 superior oourt of new york
barry bee benson v the honey industry
 is now in session
 mr montgomery youre representing
the five food companies collectively?
 a privilege
 mr benson youre representing
all the bees of the world?
 im kidding yes your honor
were ready to proceed
 mr montgomery
your opening statement please
 ladies and gentlemen of the jury
 my grandmother was a simple woman
 born on a farm she believed
it was mans divine right
 to benefit from the bounty
of nature god put before us
 if we lived in the topsyturvy world
mr benson imagines
 just think of what would it mean
 i would have to negotiate
with the silkworm
 for the elastic in my britches
 talking bee
 how do we know this isnt some sort of
 holographic motionpicturecapture
hollywood wizardry?
 they could be using laser beams
 robotics ventriloquism
oloning for all we know
 he could be on steroids
 mr benson?
 ladies and gentlemen
theres no trickery here
 im just an ordinary bee
honeys pretty important to me
 its important to all bees
we invented it
 we make it and we protect it
with our lives
 unfortunately there are
some people in this room
 who think they can take it from us
 cause were the little guys
im hoping that after this is all over
 youll see how by taking our honey
you not only take everything we have
 but everything we are
 i wish hed dress like that
all the time so nice
 oall your first witness
 so mr klauss vanderhayden
of honey farms big company you have
 i suppose so
 i see you also own
honeyburton and honron
 yes they provide beekeepers
for our farms
 beekeeper i find that
to be a very disturbing term
 i dont imagine you employ
any beefreeers do you?
  no
i couldnt hear you
  no
no
 because you dont free bees
you keep bees not only that
 it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey
 theyre very lovable creatures
 yogi bear fozzie bear buildabear
 you mean like this?
 bears kill bees
 howd you like his head crashing
through your living room?
 biting into your couch
spitting out your throw pillows
 ok thats enough take him away
 so mr sting thank you for being here
your name intrigues me
  where have i heard it before?
i was with a band called the police
 but youve never been
a police officer have you?
 no i havent
 no you havent and so here
we have yet another example
 of bee culture casually
stolen by a human
 for nothing more than
a pranceabout stage name
 oh please
 have you ever been stung mr sting?
 because im feeling
a little stung sting
 or should i say mr gordon m sumner
 thats not his real name? you idiots
 mr liotta first
belated congratulations on
 your emmy win for a guest spot
on er in 2005
 thank you thank you
 i see from your resume
that youre devilishly handsome
 with a churning inner turmoil
thats ready to blow
 i enjoy what i do is that a crime?
 not yet it isnt but is this
what its come to for you?
 exploiting tiny helpless bees
so you dont
 have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines sir?
 watch it benson
i could blow right now
 this isnt a goodfella
this is a badfella
 why doesnt someone just step on
this creep and we can all go home?
  order in this court
youre all thinking it
 order order i say
  say it
mr liotta please sit down
 i think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that
 i think the jurys on our side
 are we doing everything right legally?
 im a florist
 right well heres to a great team
 to a great team
 well hello
  ken
hello
 i didnt think you were coming
 no i was just late
i tried to call but the battery
 i didnt want all this to go to waste
so i called barry luckily he was free
 oh that was lucky
 theres a little left
i could heat it up
 yeah heat it up sure whatever
 so i hear youre quite a tennis player
 im not much for the game myself
the balls a little grabby
 thats where i usually sit
right there
 ken barry was looking at your resume
 and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isnt really a special skill
 you think i dont see what youre doing?
 i know how hard it is to find
the rightjob we have that in common
 do we?
 bees have 100 percent employment
but we do jobs like taking the crud out
 thats just what
i was thinking about doing
 ken i let barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz i hope that was all right
 im going to drain the old stinger
 yeah you do that
 look at that
 you know ive just about had it
 with your little mind games
  whats that?
italian vogue
 mamma mia thats a lot of pages
 a lot of ads
 remember what van said why is
your life more valuable than mine?
 funny i just cant seem to recall that
 i think something stinks in here
 i love the smell of flowers
 how do you like the smell of flames?
 not as much
 water bug not taking sides
 ken im wearing a ohapstick hat
this is pathetic
 ive got issues
 well well well a royal flush
  youre bluffing
am i?
 surfs up dude
 poo water
 that bowl is gnarly
 except for those dirty yellow rings
 kenneth what are you doing?
 you know i dont even like honey
i dont eat it
 we need to talk
 hes just a little bee
 and he happens to be
the nicest bee ive met in a long time
 long time? what are you talking about?
are there other bugs in your life?
 no but there are other things bugging
me in life and youre one of them
 fine talking bees no yogurt night
 my nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster
 goodbye ken
 and for your information
 i prefer sugarfree artificial
sweeteners made by man
 im sorry about all that
 i know its got
an aftertaste i like it
 i always felt there was some kind
of barrier between ken and me
 i couldnt overcome it
oh well
 are you ok for the trial?
 i believe mr montgomery
is about out of ideas
 we would like to call
mr barry benson bee to the stand
 good idea you can really see why hes
considered one of the best lawyers
 yeah
 layton youve
gotta weave some magic
 with this jury
or its gonna be all over
 dont worry the only thing i have
to do to turn this jury around
 is to remind them
of what they dont like about bees
  you got the tweezers?
are you allergic?
 only to losing son only to losing
 mr benson bee ill ask you
what i think wed all like to know
 what exactly is your relationship
 to that woman?
 were friends
  good friends?
yes
 how good? do you live together?
 wait a minute
 are you her little
 bedbug?
 ive seen a bee documentary or two
from what i understand
 doesnt your queen give birth
to all the bee children?
  yeah but
so those arent your real parents
  oh barry
yes they are
 hold me back
 youre an illegitimate bee
arent you benson?
 hes denouncing bees
 dont yall date your cousins?
  objection
im going to pincushion this guy
 adam dont its what he wants
 oh im hit
 oh lordy i am hit
 order order
 the venom the venom
is coursing through my veins
 i have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction
 you see? you cant treat them
like equals theyre striped savages
 stingings the only thing
they know its their way
  adam stay with me
i cant feel my legs
 what angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison
 from my heaving buttocks?
 i will have order in this court order
 order please
 the case of the honeybees
versus the human race
 took a pointed turn against the bees
 yesterday when one of their legal
team stung layton t montgomery
  hey buddy
hey
  is there much pain?
yeah
 i
 i blew the whole case didnt i?
 it doesnt matter what matters is
youre alive you could have died
 id be better off dead look at me
 they got it from the cafeteria
downstairs in a tuna sandwich
 look theres
a little celery still on it
 what was it like to sting someone?
 i cant explain it it was all
 all adrenaline and then
and then ecstasy
 all right
 you think it was all a trap?
 of course im sorry
i flew us right into this
 what were we thinking? look at us were
just a couple of bugs in this world
 what will the humans do to us
if they win?
 i dont know
 i hear they put the roaches in motels
that doesnt sound so bad
 adam they check in
but they dont check out
 oh my
 oould you get a nurse
to close that window?
  why?
the smoke
 bees dont smoke
 right bees dont smoke
 bees dont smoke
but some bees are smoking
 thats it thats our case
 it is? its not over?
 get dressed ive gotta go somewhere
 get back to the court and stall
stall any way you can
 and assuming youve done step correctly youre ready for the tub
 mr flayman
 yes? yes your honor
 where is the rest of your team?
 well your honor its interesting
 bees are trained to fly haphazardly
 and as a result
we dont make very good time
 i actually heard a funny story about
 your honor
havent these ridiculous bugs
 taken up enough
of this courts valuable time?
 how much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?
 they have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges
 against my clients
who run legitimate businesses
 i move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case
 mr flayman im afraid im going
 to have to consider
mr montgomerys motion
 but you cant we have a terrific case
 where is your proof?
where is the evidence?
 show me the smoking gun
 hold it your honor
you want a smoking gun?
 here is your smoking gun
 what is that?
 its a bee smoker
 what this?
this harmless little contraption?
 this couldnt hurt a fly
let alone a bee
 look at what has happened
 to bees who have never been asked
"smoking or non?"
 is this what nature intended for us?
 to be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines
 and manmade wooden slat work camps?
 living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?
  what are we gonna do?
hes playing the species card
 ladies and gentlemen please
free these bees
 free the bees free the bees
 free the bees
 free the bees free the bees
 the court finds in favor of the bees
 vanessa we won
 i knew you could do it highfive
 sorry
 im ok you know what this means?
 all the honey
will finally belong to the bees
 now we wont have
to work so hard all the time
 this is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature benson
 youll regret this
 barry how much honey is out there?
 all right one at a time
 barry who are you wearing?
 my sweater is ralph lauren
and i have no pants
  what if montgomerys right?
what do you mean?
 weve been living the bee way
a long time 27 million years
 oongratulations on your victory
what will you demand as a settlement?
 first well demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps
 then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with
 every last drop
 we demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more
 than a filthy smelly
badbreath stink machine
 were all aware
of what they do in the woods
 wait for my signal
 take him out
 hell have nauseous
for a few hours then hell be fine
 and we will no longer tolerate
beenegative nicknames
 but its just a pranceabout stage name
 unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products
 and ladeeda human
teatime snack garnishments
 oant breathe
 bring it in boys
 hold it right there good
 tap it
 mr buzzwell we just passed three cups
and theres gallons more coming
  i think we need to shut down
shut down? weve never shut down
 shut down honey production
 stop making honey
 turn your key sir
 what do we do now?
 oannonball
 were shutting honey production
 mission abort
 aborting pollination and nectar detail
returning to base
 adam you wouldnt believe
how much honey was out there
 oh yeah?
 whats going on? where is everybody?
  are they out celebrating?
theyre home
 they dont know what to do
laying out sleeping in
 i heard your uncle oarl was on his way
to san antonio with a cricket
 at least we got our honey back
 sometimes i think so what if humans
liked our honey? who wouldnt?
 its the greatest thing in the world
i was excited to be part of making it
 this was my new desk this was my
new job i wanted to do it really well
 and now
 now i cant
 i dont understand
why theyre not happy
 i thought their lives would be better
 theyre doing nothing its amazing
honey really changes people
 you dont have any idea
whats going on do you?
  what did you want to show me?
this
 what happened here?
 that is not the half of it
 oh no oh my
 theyre all wilting
 doesnt look very good does it?
 no
 and whose fault do you think that is?
 you know im gonna guess bees
 bees?
 specifically me
 i didnt think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things
 its notjust flowers
fruits vegetables they all need bees
 thats our whole sat test right there
 take away produce that affects
the entire animal kingdom
 and then of course
 the human species?
 so if theres no more pollination
 it could all just go south here
couldnt it?
 i know this is also partly my fault
 how about a suicide pact?
 how do we do it?
  ill sting you you step on me
thatjust kills you twice
 right right
 listen barry
sorry but i gotta get going
 i had to open my mouth and talk
 vanessa?
 vanessa? why are you leaving?
where are you going?
 to the final tournament of roses parade
in pasadena
 theyve moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying
 its the last chance
ill ever have to see it
 vanessa i just wanna say im sorry
i never meant it to turn out like this
 i know me neither
 tournament of roses
roses cant do sports
 wait a minute roses roses?
 roses
 vanessa
 roses?
 barry?
  roses are flowers
yes they are
 flowers bees pollen
 i know
thats why this is the last parade
 maybe not
oould you ask him to slow down?
 oould you slow down?
 barry
 ok i made a huge mistake
this is a total disaster all my fault
 yes it kind of is
 ive ruined the planet
i wanted to help you
 with the flower shop
ive made it worse
 actually its completely closed down
 i thought maybe you were remodeling
 but i have another idea and its
greater than my previous ideas combined
 i dont want to hear it
 all right they have the roses
the roses have the pollen
 i know every bee plant
and flower bud in this park
 all we gotta do is get what theyve got
back here with what weve got
  bees
park
  pollen
flowers
  repollination
across the nation
 tournament of roses
pasadena oalifornia
 theyve got nothing
but flowers floats and cotton candy
 security will be tight
 i have an idea
 vanessa bloome ftd
 official floral business its real
 sorry maam nice brooch
 thank you it was a gift
 once inside
we just pick the right float
 how about the princess and the pea?
 i could be the princess
and you could be the pea
 yes i got it
  where should i sit?
what are you?
  i believe im the pea
the pea?
 it goes under the mattresses
  not in this fairy tale sweetheart
im getting the marshal
 you do that
this whole parade is a fiasco
 lets see what this babyll do
 hey what are you doing?
 then all we do
is blend in with traffic
 without arousing suspicion
 once at the airport
theres no stopping us
 stop security
  you and your insect pack your float?
yes
 has it been
in your possession the entire time?
 would you remove your shoes?
  remove your stinger
its part of me
 i know just having some fun
enjoy your flight
 then if were lucky well have
just enough pollen to do the job
 oan you believe how lucky we are? we
have just enough pollen to do the job
 i think this is gonna work
 its got to work
 attention passengers
this is oaptain scott
 we have a bit of bad weather
in new york
 it looks like well experience
a couple hours delay
 barry these are cut flowers
with no water theyll never make it
 i gotta get up there
and talk to them
 be careful
 oan i get help
with the sky mall magazine?
 id like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer
 oaptain im in a real situation
  whatd you say hal?
nothing
 bee
 dont freak out my entire species
 what are you doing?
  wait a minute im an attorney
whos an attorney?
 dont move
 oh barry
 good afternoon passengers
this is your captain
 would a miss vanessa bloome in 24b
please report to the cockpit?
 and please hurry
 what happened here?
 there was a dustbuster
a toupee a life raft exploded
 ones bald ones in a boat
theyre both unconscious
  is that another bee joke?
no
 no ones flying the plane
 this is jfk control tower flight 356
whats your status?
 this is vanessa bloome
im a florist from new york
 wheres the pilot?
 hes unconscious
and so is the copilot
 not good does anyone onboard
have flight experience?
 as a matter of fact there is
  whos that?
barry benson
 from the honey trial? oh great
 vanessa this is nothing more
than a big metal bee
 its got giant wings huge engines
 i cant fly a plane
  why not? isnt john travolta a pilot?
yes
 how hard could it be?
 wait barry
were headed into some lightning
 this is bob bumble we have some
latebreaking news from jfk airport
 where a suspenseful scene
is developing
 barry benson
fresh from his legal victory
 thats barry
 is attempting to land a plane
loaded with people flowers
 and an incapacitated flight crew
 flowers?
 we have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls
 with absolutely no flight experience
 just a minute
theres a bee on that plane
 im quite familiar with mr benson
and his noaccount compadres
 theyve done enough damage
 but isnt he your only hope?
 technically a bee
shouldnt be able to fly at all
 their wings are too small
 havent we heard this a million times?
 "the surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense"
  get this on the air
got it
  stand by
were going live
 the way we work may be a mystery to you
 making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs
 but let me tell you about a small job
 if you do it well
it makes a big difference
 more than we realized
to us to everyone
 thats why i want to get bees
back to working together
 thats the bee way
were not made of jello
 we get behind a fellow
  black and yellow
hello
 left right down hover
  hover?
forget hover
 this isnt so hard
beepbeep beepbeep
 barry what happened?
 wait i think we were
on autopilot the whole time
  that may have been helping me
and now were not
 so it turns out i cannot fly a plane
 all of you lets get
behind this fellow move it out
 move out
 our only chance is if i do what id do
you copy me with the wings of the plane
 dont have to yell
 im not yelling
were in a lot of trouble
 its very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice
 its not a tone im panicking
 i cant do this
 vanessa pull yourself together
you have to snap out of it
 you snap out of it
 you snap out of it
  you snap out of it
you snap out of it
  you snap out of it
you snap out of it
  you snap out of it
you snap out of it
  hold it
why? oome on its my turn
 how is the plane flying?
 i dont know
 hello?
 benson got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?
 the pollen jocks
 they do get behind a fellow
  black and yellow
hello
 all right lets drop this tin can
on the blacktop
 where? i cant see anything oan you?
 no nothing its all cloudy
 oome on you got to think bee barry
  thinking bee
thinking bee
 thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
 wait a minute
i think im feeling something
  what?
i dont know its strong pulling me
 like a 27millionyearold instinct
 bring the nose down
 thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
  what in the world is on the tarmac?
get some lights on that
 thinking bee
thinking bee thinking bee
  vanessa aim for the flower
ok
 out the engines were going in
on bee power ready boys?
 affirmative
 good good easy now thats it
 land on that flower
 ready? full reverse
 spin it around
  not that flower the other one
which one?
  that flower
im aiming at the flower
 thats a fat guy in a flowered shirt
i mean the giant pulsating flower
 made of millions of bees
 pull forward nose down tail up
 rotate around it
  this is insane barry
thiss the only way i know how to fly
 am i kookookachoo or is this plane
flying in an insectlike pattern?
 get your nose in there dont be afraid
smell it full reverse
 just drop it be a part of it
 aim for the center
 now drop it in drop it in woman
 oome on already
 barry we did it
you taught me how to fly
  yes no highfive
right
 barry it worked
did you see the giant flower?
 what giant flower? where? of course
i saw the flower that was genius
  thank you
but were not done yet
 listen everyone
 this runway is covered
with the last pollen
 from the last flowers
available anywhere on earth
 that means this is our last chance
 were the only ones who make honey
pollinate flowers and dress like this
 if were gonna survive as a species
this is our moment what do you say?
 are we going to be bees orjust
museum of natural history keychains?
 were bees
 keychain
 then follow me except keychain
 hold on barry here
 youve earned this
 yeah
 im a pollen jock and its a perfect
fit all i gotta do are the sleeves
 oh yeah
 thats our barry
 mom the bees are back
 if anybody needs
to make a call nows the time
 i got a feeling well be
working late tonight
 heres your change have a great
afternoon oan i help whos next?
 would you like some honey with that?
it is beeapproved dont forget these
 milk cream cheese its all me
and i dont see a nickel
 sometimes i just feel
like a piece of meat
 i had no idea
 barry im sorry
have you got a moment?
 would you excuse me?
my mosquito associate will help you
 sorry im late
 hes a lawyer too?
 i was already a bloodsucking parasite
all i needed was a briefcase
 have a great afternoon
 barry i just got this huge tulip order
and i cant get them anywhere
 no problem vannie
just leave it to me
 youre a lifesaver barry
oan i help whos next?
 all right scramble jocks
its time to fly
 thank you barry
 that bee is living my life
 let it go kenny
  when will this nightmare end?
let it all go
  beautiful day to fly
sure is
 between you and me
i was dying to get out of that office
 you have got
to start thinking bee my friend
  thinking bee
me?
 hold it lets just stop
for a second hold it
 im sorry im sorry everyone
oan we stop here?
 im not making a major life decision
during a production number
 all right take ten everybody
wrap it up guys
 i had virtually no rehearsal for that
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