#so i like to imagine that if for example tim had survived
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If any of the s1 archival team had survived until the very end of the podcast, would they remember the real Sasha? If the fears aren't there anymore, would they have been able to grieve her properly?
#i gust relistened to the s1 finale and im having thoughts about Sasha again#and i dont really remember if at the end the fears leave the earth completely or if they still linger somewhere#but if they're not there anymore would their memories of her come back?????#or is it just already done and the damage cant be undone???#maybe in some point they give the info but i dont remember anything#so i like to imagine that if for example tim had survived#he would finally be able to place somewhere the grief he carried and didn't know where to place#and she would be remembered#anyways#tma
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with all this gotham war stuff (most recently the comic sc you posted on your twt with jason and bruce), can u explain what is actually going on? like, i’m not that far so i haven’t read it, but… like is it actually bruce saying all that stuff about the kids? or is it this zur person people keep talking about?
oh my friend, it's crazy around here, but i will try my best to explain it!
A GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO BATMAN IN GOTHAM WAR:
firstly, the comic reading list to catch up with gotham war is: as of 01/10/23 (the ones in italics are core issues to the story)
for some background on what happens leading up to gotham war:
Batman (2016) #125-136
(Optional) Knight Terrors: Batman
(Optional) Knight Terrors: Catwoman
and then the actual gotham war story:
Batman/Catwoman: The Gotham War - Battle Lines
Batman (2016) #137
Catwoman (2018) #57
Batman/Catwoman: The Gotham War - Red Hood #1
this is everything that is out right now, but from the third of october to halloween we will also be getting: Batman #138, Catwoman #58, Gotham War: Red Hood #2, Batman/Catwoman: The Gotham War - Scorched Earth.
secondly... who is Zur En Arrh.
Zur En Arrh taking over Bruce, Batman (2016) #126
zur en arrh, in the simplest way of explaining, is this alter ego/personality (it's unclear) bruce created for himself should batman (bruce wayne) ever be psychologically compromised or brainwashed. it's not him, but a more sadistic and crueler person that is the "ultimate batman" who doesn't care about anyone or anything but getting the mission done.
during Batman #125-130, zur takes over the role of batman because bruce was losing very badly to the robot Failsafe (which is zur's own creation, that bruce has no memory of making). after getting vaporised by failsafe and sent travelling through dozens of alternate universes, losing his hand and fighting a flying shark (Batman #131-135), bruce returns to gotham incredibly mentally unstable.
During a peaceful dinner with his family, Bruce suddenly imagines the entire world on fire, Batman (2016) #136.
during everything, bruce managed to mentally fight back and kind of... merge their ideals together in order to survive and win in the moment.
and then successfully trapping failsafe back into his mind where he can no longer take over!
Bruce uses some sort of mental technique to lock Zur away in his mind, Batman (2016) #136.
except he didn't succeed! at all!
you see, when travelling through all those universes, bruce somehow brought back every single version of zur en arrh with him. now all of then combined, plus his already deteriorating and weak mental health from the last few years, bruce is currently operating under the impression that he's locked zur away, when he actually hasn't.
zur is the one partly, or even entirely, in control. right now, he's just pretending to stay locked away so bruce continues to do what he thinks is 'right' despite them being incredibly out of character for the run.
During his eight week coma, Bruce sees Zur 'locked away' and he is, apparently, not alone, Gotham War: Battle Lines (2023)
an example is when zur referred to robin as batman's solider, bruce mentally fought back to make it clear that tim was his son. but then, a few issues later, bruce refers to his children as his soldiers and that they've all betrayed him, implying that zur has always had control and isn't locked away.
Bruce and Zur get into a fight inside his mind about Robin [Tim Drake], Batman (2016) #127
so yeah, zur is not bruce! they're both batman, but zur en arrh is like his somehow unimaginably even worse twin. if you're interested more in him, i would suggest giving his character history a read! be warned it gets changed A LOT and is definitely not everyone's cup of tea (personally i hate him and need him shelved for another forty years).
now that that's all done and explained, the current state of gotham war is Bruce (thinks he's okay) fighting everyone else (except Damian) because in his (Zur's) point of view, they're all against the mission and therefore are now his enemies (he's lost his mind). totally not convoluted.
to answer your original question, yes, this is all bruce saying and doing these things but he is being HEAVILY influenced by Zur. we can't tell for certain how much of this is bruce and how much is zur, but we can definitely prove zur is partially or completely controlling him again.
even jason points it out after bruce implants that fear toxin chip into him in Batman (2016) #138:
like we can see the intention is to keep jason out of this, because compared to everyone else, jason was the most directly opposed to bruce. but zur is twisting how this concern gets expressed, since forcing jason into feeling fear everytime he gets an adrenaline rush is hardly the reformation bruce is usually encouraging. the other batfam members also talk about how uncharacteristically violent bruce is being.
"He's out of control." / "He's gone [In more ways than one.]" Batman (2016) #137
as the story progresses we see more and more of zur replace bruce, but because he can't have bruce trying to stop him again, zur is playing along and convincing bruce he's locked away. so really, bruce is at war with not only his entire family, but also his own mind. just another average tuesday for batman. he's being tricked and is unknowingly doing exactly what he was trying to prevent.
to understand what the actual war in gotham war is, give the comics listed above a read! if you find the story boring/ridiculous/stupid, don't worry, it is! the social commentary leaves a lot to be desired, as does most of the characters writings (especially selina's).
bruce and his one sided battle with zur is sort of an overarching story happening alongside it (along with a bunch of other ongoings. i don't even understand how detective comics and batman and robin are going to tie into this once it starts up again).
sorry the answer isn't a simple one, but unfortunately nothing is ever simple with bruce. also apologies in advance if any of the future gotham war comics come out and completely debunk all of this! who knows what will happen in this dramatic family drama.
#bruce wayne#gotham war#dc meta#saki anons#saki comic talks#i have such a toxic relationship with this run#i have nothing but complaints and hate for it#but its so terrible i cant wait to see how it all crash and burns#the most “it gets worse before it gets better” storyline for batman i have EVER seen
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i know you’ve talked a bit about your own version of events that diverge primarily concerning damian’s origin (if i recall correctly) but i’m interested in how you would handle tim? would he still be robin, what would his arc look like, do you think he should’ve been robin at all ? (just cause i know some people believe he shouldn’t in canon)
i actually really enjoy tim's introduction as robin bc (next to jason) it's the perfect example of how ludicrous robin is as an entity. with dick while there's a day-to-day life he lives that we get to see in parallel in earlier comics, a lot of it is taken in jest. bruce and dick's adventures in the golden age and even parts of the silver age are mostly comical and there's little continuity to speak of so there aren't really any consequences to speak of until dick goes to college. with jason's run we only really get to see hard-hitting consequences once he dies, and most of his run prior to that is plot driven with very few moments spared to showcase what his civilian life is like (most of which can be attributed to mike w. barr). what i appreciate about tim's robin run (and what i imagine other people comparatively find mind-numbing and boring) is that it delves into all of minutiae of being a teenager and a vigilante at the same time. the bizarre sudden absences, the sleeplessness, the school situation, the danger, the rift with your parents because they don't know where you are or what you're doing, the pressures of keeping your identity secret from your peers when you're only a kid and you want to have relationships but you don't know how to maintain them. tim being an outsider to bruce's family is precisely what makes his robin run so striking and revelatory. unless it runs in the family (and even then there are problems) it's hard to be a kid vigilante. delusional almost. and this status quo is even more exaggerated for tim bc he happens to become robin at one of the worst period's in bruce's (and consequently gotham's) life. a thirteen-going-on-fifteen-year-old is led to believe he is one of the only pieces of duct tape holding all of this shit together to the point his activities merit his father moving them to an entirely different city for a while. it's crazy! and eventually, it is going to get to him! it literally did! and personally i think it should have stayed that way
tim became robin not as part of a long-form response to trauma (albeit the trauma of what happened to his parents obv factored into some things) but bc of his own misconceptions as to what gotham needed to survive. he was a child, acting like a child, thinking like a child, etc. and albeit along different parameters the same would apply to jason as well. robin was more like a temporary phase for either of them than it was necessarily as a central identity around which to develop themselves entirely (a la dick). it should not have been permanently in the cards, and while the concept of legacy within dc is certainly interesting, this is one area where the compounded history, imo, should have espoused every reason why not to continue the robin identity's existence. every question and concern posed at the onset of tim's transition into robin should have been resoundingly answered rather than forgotten and left to the wayside as he was plunged deeper and deeper into the abyss of vigilante violence and death. he was a kid! he had a misconception about his own place in the world. and little by little he realized that while he would always have an inclination towards saving others he wasn't sure that this was the way he wanted to go about his life. i'm not opposed to tim staying connected to bruce and everyone else, but i don't think he has to remain a vigilante to do that. in fact, that to me is one of the greatest crimes of modern batman canon in general: the idea that every relevant connection bruce maintains has to be a masked villain or hero of some kind. bruce used to be friends with socialites! reporters! doctors! and it's not to say he isn't still but they're certainly more severely peripheral than they used to be. every other major dc hero has a significant civilian cast but for some reason bruce's own collective either steadily dwindled or was recharacterized and manipulated into playing a part in the grand game (think vicki finding out bruce was batman and the whole blackmail and death shtick that happened after)
so. to address your first question. i do want tim to be involved in that time period in everyone's life, but i want him to be involved as tim. not robin. as someone coming to terms with what he's been through and what he can do going forward. kind of like a singular greek chorus if you will. an observer to the party who occasionally interjects with striking gravitas. someone who enters and exits the story at leisure. that guy over at the manor on a saturday while all hell breaks loose in the parlor (they've found damian, they know he exists, what are they going to do, what do they even say). that guy committed to his new life as a boring and ordinary teenager with a video game addiction but also a perpetual itch to scratch who breaks his abstinence rule one night to stalk the red hood and ask what the hell, man? you know bruce still loves you more than anyone, right? while jason (bewildered, bereaved) tells him to buzz off before he puts a bullet through him (he never would). that guy who meets up with cissie the first friday of every month to talk about what it's like to live with this void where they feel like they're doing nothing even though they know the horrors of picking it all up again are worse. that guy who has to sit with this weird pit in his stomach while his girlfriend comes to terms with her own place in the world bc he knows now that he can't do it for her any more than bruce couldn't do it for him. that guy who still visits barbara in the watchtower and does homework while they trade jokes and jibes about whatever gotham's got going on and maybe sometimes he gives a stray opinion. that guy who has to convince his dad that there's nothing out of the ordinary happening to explain why suddenly he's always here, he's answering phone calls, he's showing up for dinner. that guy who finds his old corkboard with photographs and newspaper clippings and pushpins and red string and goes to the store the next day to buy a camera bc hey, maybe there's no reason to stalk batman anymore, but he still likes the feel of a camera in his hands and someone told him last week there's an internship for a junior photographer at the local newspaper with vicki vale. maybe this is how he helps. maybe this is how he feels useful without sacrificing so much of himself in the process
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On Why I’m Still Firmly Anti-John Zee
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I’m not a fan of the Zatanna/John Constantine pairing. It’s not due to one reason but many and a lot of it boils down to erasing Zatanna’s own history, achievements and changing her character to fit her in to the mold of Constantine’s love interest rather than continuing to develop her as a hero in her own right.
One point that I made that folks keep misinterpreting is the one about Constantine’s involvement in John Zatara’s death. This is not even the primary reason why I dislike the pairing so I want to clear up any misconceptions regarding what I said.
What I wrote was, both explicitly and implicitly that Constantine was indirectly responsible for his death. Yes, it was the Great Darkness that killed Zatara and the latter chose to sacrifice himself in Zatanna’s place but they were there because of Constantine in the first place. He put them in the line of fire which resulted in Zatara’s death.
Constantine is a conman and throughout Swamp Thing #49-50 he uses various overt and subtle tricks to get them all at the table. Look closely at his interactions with Mento in the issue for example.
By the end of this he’s driven insane and turned into a villain in subsequent appearances.
In the case of the Zatara’s, he used Zatanna’s residual feelings for him and Zatara’s protectiveness to lure them to the table. He needed bodies to throw at the Darkness but at the same time he was also counting on Swamp Thing to succeed where others have failed which begs the question of what good the seance ultimately did. Anyway, don’t take my word for it, go read it yourself.
I suppose that’s the problem with asshole protagonists, people equate protagonist with hero and subconsciously believe that the ends justify the means or the protagonists sympathetic backstory justifies their crapsack actions but once you start humanizing whom they’ve hurt or try to hold them accountable, it’s a different story all together.
Anyway, I brought this story up amongst many others and it’s not even the worst offender (that would that dreadful JLD: Apokolips movie) or even an offender in any way. On its own I don’t hate the Swamp Thing story, in fact it’s one of my favorite comics, what I dislike is the way the story has been followed up on.
The thing is even though we got several stories set sometime after Zatara’s death none of them really addressed the immediate aftermath or trauma Zatanna experienced from it. Even the 1987 Zatanna Special was more about her searching for her identity. The Spectre story in Spectre Vol 2 #7 was a bizarre body horror story and her goodbye to her dad’s ghost at the end wasn’t really emotionally satisfying and it was more about tying up loose ends from her final arc in the JLA Vol 1. It was also a Spectre story and not a Zatanna story.
So when Books of Magic #2 came out and Zatanna jumped up and hugged Constantine I found it to be quite jarring.
I’m pretty sure if I took my girlfriend and her Dad on a trip that resulted in her Dad getting killed and then I showed up at her doorstep a couple of years later asking her to babysit a kid for me I strongly suspect that her reaction wouldn’t be to give me hugs and kisses.
This is not helped by the fact that after she agreed to babysit Tim Hunter she proceeds to endanger him by taking him to a bar full off seedy magical characters and when they inevitably gang up on her, she is too scared to fight back:
All of this so John Constantine can look cool:
Her reaction doesn’t make sense when you consider that Zatanna has been with the League for several years at this point and had seen everything from alien invasions to multiversal threats and has survived situations with her powers gone or diminished. Can you imagine Superman, Batman, Aquaman or Green Lantern being written like that?
And despite claiming to be over him:
She is clearly not over him:
The writer Neil Gaiman have said that Constantine was his favorite DC character to write so I’m not surprised that he wrote John more favorably than Zee.
Books of Magic is a great book and I recommend reading it. Also, there is no harm in criticizing the things you love. Literally, the only thing I didn’t like about the book was Zatanna’s characterization in it. She had been traumatized by Constantine’s gambles in the past and I found her suddenly being over it (mostly for the sake of plot) and somehow still having feelings for the bad boy and unable to resist his pelvic sorcery to be distasteful. It didn’t feel like an earned moment.
Other than that, it’s a great read. But like beautiful snowflakes that eventually causes an avalanche, it did start a trend.
Like how in the otherwise excellent ‘Zatanna: Come Together’ mini series has Marsha claim that she chooses guys based on how different they are from John:
Like, wtf? Her ON PANEL relationships, as in relationships we saw develop on panel in her published stories were with Jeff Sloan and Barry Allen. Constantine was retconned into her past for the sake of plot expediency in ST #50.
The comic also depicts her bemoaning how she wasn't as good as Constantine in one panel:
Which again, makes no sense in the greater context of her history. Zatanna was kicking ass for 20 years before Constantine was even conceived as a character yet the literal second she is associated with the fan favorite her entire character begins to revolve around him.
Luckily, Dini's Zatanna: Everyday Magic one shot did a much better job at characterizing Zatanna. Her character, relationships and choices didn't orbit around Constantine, she is the one who saves him, she has a life of her own completely separate from him and it was believable that she held no grudge against him but wasn't pining for him either. Her kissing him on the cheek didn't feel weirdly out of place and felt earned within the context of the story.
Dini’s handling of magic isn’t perfect but his handling of Zatanna has always been on point. When John purposefully sabotages one of her relationships while she was out risking her life to help him, she gives him the response he deserves:
And kicks him out:
“Spare you more of the same” what a jerk.
Sadly, despite being an independent heroine for much of the 90's and 00's, the Nu52 rebooted the character and molded her into love interest for Constantine. The only stories that get referenced are the ones with John Constantine in it with ST #50 now serving as more of an origin story than Zatanna’s actual origin story ‘Zatanna’s Search’.
The reason why I wrote posts like In Pictures: Zatannas Arc is in response to stories like JLD V1 #0 where she is treated as little more than a romantic pawn being passed between Constantine or Nick Necro.
Or how John lies to her to get her to join the team during Lemire’s run JLD and the constant cycles of John lying and keeping secrets from her but she has to keep coming back to him because she can’t save the day without him which is just...ugh.
Or how despite defeating the Upside Down Man and declared leader of JLD, she still keeps taking a back seat to John who is written more like a leader than her whereas she is depicted as useless without her magical power and the unnecessary drama of her keeping her possession by the UDM a secret. It’s like they took her flawed characterizations in BoM and made it her default characterization.
Or how in JLD Apokolips animated movie she was fridged to progress John's character arc and her entire purpose in the movie was for him to fulfill his destiny. Yuck!
Maybe some folks enjoy this take but I don't. I would much rather she is portrayed as competent heroine in her own right with her own supporting cast, villains and lore. We’ve only gotten little glimpses of that from the works of Conway, Paul Dini and Lee Mars.
What DC is doing to Zatanna is no different compared to what they did to Black Canary. They took a cool heroine, tie them to a male hero then proceed to weed out everything not related to said male hero and define them entirely by their relation to the male hero and you rarely get to see the female hero portrayed as better than the male one. She exists to move forward the story arc of the male hero whether as antagonist, ally or reward and rarely get a story arc of her own. Even when the relationship has run its course and characters have believably separated DC still pathologically pairs them together again as if they are meant to be forever. Bleh. I say this as someone who likes Ollie and Dinah (separately but not as a couple). With possible adaptations on the way, the last thing I want to see is Zatanna being written the same way as Laurel on Arrow, Lana Lang on Smallville, Raimi’s Mary Jane in his Spider-Man trilogy or even Diana in WW84 (which is it’s own essay for it’s problematic tropes) and I’m already seeing seeds of that in how she’s been written since Nu52.
Constantine isn't any more special than any other character in DC's roster. He's another asshole protagonist propped up by writer favoritism. Zatanna is not his true love. She only appeared once in his 300 issue Hellblazer run. The closest he ever came to having a true love in his own title was Kit Ryan. Likewise, Zatanna is not Constantine’s groupie. Her purpose isn't to comfort his man pain or make him look good and writers should stop making her look small just to make Constantine look good. She has her own world, supporting cast and love interests that she should be a part of.
Anyway, this got long, but I just thought I would clear this up. I started this blog for fun and to give lime light to lesser known stories, serve as a resource and maybe to get people read more comics. The last thing I want is for this place into some hostile shipping battle ground. I’m too old for that shit.
Evah a doog yad.
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Character Archetypes: Part One
hello, hello! hopefully everyone had a wonderful week! I know a lot of people were / are excited for Shadow and Bone on Netflix.
I personally don’t care. I’m just happy I’m playing the Last of Us Part 2 after being so upset about the developers making play as ABBY. Ugh.
PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT OR MENTION TLOUP2 SPOILERS. I HAVE NOT FINISHED THE GAME.
I avoided spoilers for a whole year, I deserve to play the game at my own pace!
whew... sorry ya’ll idk what came over me.
anyways, without further ado let’s dive right in!
As mentioned in a post before:
archetype characters are archetypes or character types or emotions that are very familiar and recurrent across novels. these archetypes are known to create a sense of familiarity among the readers.
it allows the readers to relate to the characters or events without wondering why exactly they can relate.
Every character written in a story has a unique set of traits and characteristics that make them them. They have their own strengths, flaws, and desires which propels your story forward.
Yet despite the differences writers have for their characters, there are foundational and recurring strengths and flaws certain character types have.
That’s where archetypes come in:
1. The Hero / The Warrior:
the character who rises to the occasion and has a plan and of course saves the day.
they have a particular skill set and string will power.
they will conquer the enemy.
these characters often suffer a crisis of confidence at their lowest point.
strengths: Courage, strength (physical or mental), and ability, and honor.
weakness: overconfidence, hubris
examples: Achilles (The Iliad), Luke Skywalker (Star Wars), Wonder Woman (Wonder Woman), Harry Potter (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone), Hercules, Odysseus, Aragorn from Lord of the Rings
2. The Child / Innocent:
morally pure character, often seen as a child. only has good intentions.
often times, not always, the writer can make the child see the world through rose coloured tints until they don’t — facing reality.
of course they child / innocent doesn’t have to grow up. it’s up to the writer and the story they chose to tell.
strengths: Optimism, enthusiasm, imagination, morality, kindness, sincerity
weakness: Naivete, physical powerlessness, rarely skilled
desires: To be happy (or happier)
examples: Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird, Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, Tiny Tim (A Christmas Carol), Lennie Small (Of Mice and Men), Cio-Cio-san (Madame Butterfly), Buddy the Elf (Elf)
3. The Orphan:
these characters are plucked from obscurity and elevated to prominence.
these characters not always are orphans, but are in search of a “found family.”
strengths: Survival instinct, empathy, perseverance.
weakness: Lack of confidence, willingness to please others.
desires: To thrive and connect with others.
examples: Harry Potter, Oliver Twist, Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
4. The Creator:
is a character that is a motivated visionary who creates art or structures during the narrative.
nothing is more important than the need to make something.
in many — not all — the creator is willing to sacrifice their own well beings and relationships in pursuit of a greater goal.
their single minded vision often leads them to pay the price.
strengths: Creativity, drive, the ability to execute their vision,
weakness: self-involvement, single-mindedness, lack of practical skills, personal sacrifice, perfectionism,
desires: To create something of value to cement their legacy.
examples: Remy from Ratatouille, Alexander Hamilton from Hamilton, Dr Jekyll from Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Willy Wonka, Zeus (The Iliad), Dr. Emmett Brown (Back to the Future), Dr. Moreau (The Island of Dr. Moreau), Dr. Victor Frankenstein (Frankenstein)
5. The Caregiver:
A character who continually supports others and makes sacrifices on their behalf.
They might be a mother, father, wife, husband, or best friend — whoever they are, they’ll do anything to protect their child, ward, lover, or best bud.
It’s quite rare for the caregiver to take center stage but such is the nature of one so selfless.
strengths: Generosity, selflessness, honorable, loyal.
weakness: lacking personal ambition or leadership, also selflessness: they are open to exploitation.
desires: To protect and help others.
examples: Eva in We Need to Talk About Kevin, Samwise from The Lord of the Rings, Mary Poppins.
voila! here you go everyone! sorry for not posting for the last few days, I needed a break! and yes how rude of me to split this post in two, as I usually do.
like, comment and reblog if you find this useful! also feel free to follow me for part two! if you like to reblog on Instagram feel free! tag me at perpetualstories
Follow me on tumblr and Instagram for more writing and grammar tips and more!
#writing#writing advice#writing tips#original writing#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writersconnection#writersofig#writersofinstagram#writings
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some thoughts on mag 200
i’ve been having trouble articulating this, but i wanted to get some thoughts down on mag 200, and the ending of tma as a whole, now that i’ve heard the finale twice and had some time to process it all. putting this under a cut in case people don’t wanna see it -- there’s gonna be a lot of praise here, but also some legit criticism. this is a way to sort through my feelings more than anything else.
first off, relistening to the finale, and sitting on it for a while, has made me feel a hell of a lot better about the whole thing. the episode comes off a lot better when you’re not vibrating with fear and anticipation, in my opinion. the final statement was very fitting and cool -- not my favorite ever, but i can appreciate it a lot as a final closing for the fears. and i don’t have an ear for soundscaping but the sound in that statement was cool as hell. the jonah magnus gets fucking murdered scene is incredibly satisfying. a lot of other people have said this, but i love that jon finally got his revenge, and was able to lash out against jonah for all the years of manipulation and beng used, and for tim and sasha and everything else. that was perfect. i genuinely thought we might not get a scene like this after 193 but i am so glad we did. incredibly satisfying. the girls made it out!! i am very glad that they’re ok and moving on and seem to be leaning on each other. (By God I Will Wring Found Family Out Of This Podcast If It Kills Me.) and the admiral’s okay. love that
and the jonmartin ending. oh my god. while i was never the biggest fan of the possibility of martin having to kill jon, the way it went down was so painful and good. i loved that final scene. i love the ambiguity -- that they might have died but maybe they didn’t, maybe they’re all right and happy and we can decide for ourselves -- i love that i got exactly what i wanted, that i get to have my cake and eat it too, all the angst of a jmart death and still the possibility of happiness... i am going buckwild. i love it. the longer i spend with this ending, the happier i am with it. i really really loved it
on another note... i do have some reservations about the finale and the season as a whole. i understand peoples’ irritations with the finale, and while i’m trying to focus on the things i did like, i definitely have some irritations. for one, i definitely wish the finale had been longer. i would’ve loved to see more of what wtgfs and basira were doing, and the actual lighting of the archives, etc. and while i completely understand why the scene at the panopticon went as quickly as it did -- it comes off very much as wild, frantic impulse in the heat of the moment where they’re in danger and trying to protect each other -- i do wish it had gone a little slower.
in my mind, the biggest issue in season 5 ended up being pacing. and this might be a personal preference thing -- there’s a lot of things within the show that i don’t personally vibe with, but i don’t necessarily think they’re badly written. but i do think season 5 was slow. and while slow things can certainly work in a certain context (season 4 comes off wildly slow til you listen to 160), i wish more of what actually happened in season 5 had been baked into the end game. the season felt like it had a lot of filler, which drives me mildly crazy, because the end game feels rushed and i don’t think it NEEDED to be. i liked a lot of what season 5 did -- there’s some impeccable episodes, the character interactions are weirdly lighter and softer than they have been in previous seasons, and i wouldn’t trade a lot of the things that it’s given us (all the jonmartin interactions, jon and georgie briefly rebuilding their friendship, martin and melanie friendship, wtgfs scenes and intimacy, backstory, lore, etc) for anything. but i do think it could’ve been structured and paced a little differently. i also think it could’ve given some more screentime to the character stuff we got from episodes like 161, 170, 186, 190, 191, 192, 199... i absolutely love both martin centric monologue episodes, but i hate that we didn’t get anything like that for jon. (or for melanie or georgie or basira...) the best episodes of the season, imo, are the ones that broke from traditional form of domain statement domain, and the ones that focused in hard on backstory, lore, character introspection, character interaction... i wish we had more of this.
when it comes to the jonmartin arc... i know this has been a point of contention with a lot of people, but i don’t hate it at all. maybe it’s just because i relistened to the majority of the season back in january, but a lot of the more grating moments that seemed large week to week (martin pressuring jon to smite people, the disagreements they had earlier in the season, jon using martin as bait in 176, etc etc) come off a lot more minor when you’re binging. personally, relistening to act i made those interactions come off as things they were struggling with through continued support and reassurance. there were absolutely things i wanted addressed, especially with the “kill bill arc” -- the disagreements early in the season, and how it seemed to turn on its head in the argument they have in 194. (i didn’t like martin blaming jon for the kill bill arc and i was hoping it would get brought up.) i also wanted to see a discussion of martin going with annabelle in 194 -- i wasn’t really ever mad at martin for doing it, but i did want to see them talk it out.
but! after relistening to 200, i think i have a better handle on why that couldn’t have happened. martin goes behind jon’s back to go with annabelle and they don’t talk about it; jon goes behind martin’s back to sabotage the plan everyone agrees on in order to prevent the fears from spreading. if they’d had a big talk about trust, and working through martin going off with annabelle, and then jon turned around and did the same thing, more or less... it would’ve completely soured that discussion. jon and martin needed to be in a place of discourse for this ending to work.
honestly, the more i’ve thought about this final JM arc, the better i feel about it. sure, jon and martin are in a bad place, and they’ve gone behind each other’s backs and been somewhat selfish, but i don’t think this ruins their relationship. for one, martin’s break in trust comes from a place of wanting to save jon and the world. and for another, jon genuinely feels he is doing the right thing, making a decision he can live with. (i have my own opinions as to how ethical jon’s decision was, but that’s another post. and i think the muddy ethics of this ending are on purpose -- it’s horror, a genre that often doesn’t offer ethical decisions.) their final decisions and final moments come from a place of love and protectiveness, and they change their decisions for the other. they still love each other, through all of it. i don’t think these late stage betrayals equivalate jonmartin necessarily being doomed as a couple (not that anyone has said that, but it’s worth saying). and i think it’s important to remember that this is still a relatively new relationship. it existed for approximately three weeks before the literal apocalypse, and it’s been under an immense amount of stress, as well as the constant fear that one or both of them would die. (which they did.) i’m not saying that excuses certain things they’ve said or done, but i am saying i don’t think the relationship is doomed. i think, if jon and martin have survived, they’ll need to work through things. they’ll need to talk it all out. and they’ll be able to! they’ll heal from this one way or another. the tragedy isn’t that jonmartin is doomed, or toxic. it’s that these moments of betrayal are what dooms them. and the beautiful undercurrent of it all is that they still manage to come together, and make decisions that mean they stay together. and that wherever they are, they’re still together.
all in all, i don’t think season 5 has been perfect, and i can make my peace with that. (tma’s worst is a hell of a lot better than most shows’ best.) (i also think it might be worth considering how covid could have affected certain aspects of how the season was written -- pandemics are stressful, and i can’t imagine what it’s like to finish an enormous, in the works for years project like this in the middle of that. personally, i’m impressed they’ve managed to finish the show through all of this and keep it to a similar quality.) i think critiques are valuable and worth discussing. and i think plot aspects aside, there are several other critique related things that could be brought up about this season that people have articulated much better than i ever could. but i also, personally, want to walk away from the show feeling satisfied. i tend to be weirdly positive about things i love (the x files finale was horrendous, but i managed to get to a place where i was happy with it, for example), and i think that applies here -- even more so because i really did love so many aspects of that finale. i don’t necessarily want to linger in my own mind over what i disliked, especially considering the show is over. although i did want to air out my thoughts.
i still love this show. i loved a lot of episodes this season, frustrations aside. season 5 will forever be my only live tma experience, and it got me through one of the worst years of my life, and i am very grateful for this. i genuinely did just want to air out my thoughts and get them all down on paper. these are just my opinions -- i don’t want to criticize anyone who feels differently about the finale, or the season as a whole. everyone’s opinion is their own.
i feel a lot, lot better about mag 200, to the point of genuinely loving it. i hope my appreciation only grows as i get further from that frenzied first day and have more time to sit with it. and i can’t wait to see all the art and read all of the amazing fics that are going to come out of this ending (and write some of my own). it’s been a wild ride. i’m glad i was here for it.
#tma#the magnus archives#mag 200#tma spoilers#tma negative#not too strong i dont think but just in case#this might be completely incoherent lol but i wanted to get it down
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Why I Think Albert Doesn't Die in 4B: A Meta Post
Maybe this is me reaching or some really wishful thinking, but i don't think albert is the one who dies, though i think he does get seriously injured (explanation below the cut so hear me out lol)
Based on scenes from 3b, 4a, the 4b promos, and some interviews done after 4x08 about 4x09.
In multiple interviews (one example below ⬇), Tim has stressed that there is going to be a divide between Bobby and Athena because he feels that she's too independent and won't let him in when she has issues. 4b is being set up to build off of last season's attack at the storage unit. Athena has made peace with the attack, so it will take something (encountering the attacker, being trapped while looking for a suspect, a storage unit, or experiencing other trauma) to act as the catalyst to trigger her into needing Bobby's help but refusing to ask. Albert dying will in no way drive or affect this plot line and will only really heavily affect Chimney, Maddie, and Buck and maybe Chris and Eddie.
Tim did a different interview where he said that multiple characters will be in life or death situations ⬇
As far as we know from the promo Hen, Buck, Bobby, Athena, May, Eddie, and Chimney are working the crash and Maddie is shown at work going into labor or having false contractions. None are likely contenders for a life or death situation, which leaves the side characters. Since this involves a massive pile-up, and we already know that Albert is in one car, that leaves three others.
The scenario I see best playing out in term of writing and setting up 4b and going into season 5 is this:
Albert gets horribly injured in the crash and has a long recovery. (This plays into 4a when Taylor said Buck was selfish and has no real friends because he doesn't know how to treat a friend.) If Albert gets injured and has a long recovery, he has 2 options for care. He either moves back in with Madney (but they have their hands full with the baby) or he stays with Buck, who has had to recover from a serious injury before. By staying with Buck, he learns how to really care for a friend unselfishly (tho we're gonna ignore the Buddie friendship for a minute bc the writers did). This also gives them the opportunity to set Albert and Buck up in a friendship so Buck can have friends outside the 118.
OR Albert goes into a coma because the writers are playing with a lot of characters right now and I don't think they know what to do with Albert and how to give him enough screen time for anything meaningful to happen. This way, they can revisit his arc in the future. Also, imagine Chimney and Maddie getting ready to take their daughter home and stopping by Albert's room to introduce their baby to her Uncle Albert 😭 Putting Albert in a coma or giving him a long recovery time is something that could be revisited at the end of the season easily.
I think the 3 others in jeopardy are in one car and I think it is Michael, David, and Harry after going to dinner one night or something and I think they are at the center of the crash.
I think the person who dies is Michael or David, mainly because of this interview ⬇
First, they've brought in David, but like Albert's storyline, they can't fit him in enough for it to really be meaningful. We see them meet towards the end of season 3 and by season 4 they have quarantined together (even though David is on the front lines) and are now living together. Most of their story occurs off screen. The only reason we even saw Michael and David in most of 4a was because it was a storyline attached to Athena and Bobby. Killing off David is less characters to deal with and would affect Bobby and Athena, but not to a degree I would see it driving a wedge in their own relationship. It would affect Michael and encourage him to complete his bucket list he referenced in 4a but it wouldn't have an impact on the whole 118.
Both Bobby and Athena are really close with Michael, though I'm gonna focus on Bobby for a minute. If Michael dies suddenly, that "lighthearted and hilarious" relationship "quickly turns on a dime" and suddenly it "ends up being quite emotional" because Bobby is dealing with losing a friend. This could also dredge up those feelings of having lost his family in a fire and not being able to save them because Michael is now part of Bobby's family. Later in the season, it would be easy to revisit if Harry is mad that his step dad and dad's boyfriend weren't able to save his dad. Bobby would be dealing with his feelings of losing a friend while trying to help Athena (who doesn't want help) deal with the loss of her ex husband.
Shifting the focus to Athena, Michael dying would absolutely devastate Athena. They were married for nearly 2 decades and he is still a close friend and confidante. Losing her ex husband at the site of a crash she responded to would be traumatic. And if you compound that with her unresolved trauma from the attack, now you've got Athena trying to deal with everything on her own and not asking for help. Now Bobby gets mad/sad/distanced because Athena won't ask for help and he needs his own support from her. And maybe she is giving that support but she won't let him reciprocate it and now you have a recipe for anger and unresolved grief that begins to drive them apart.
Focusing on May for a moment, she became an operator because she wanted to make sure Athena was never alone in the field. Though I can't imagine her taking the call for Michael because he is on the line when Albert is injured, her dad dying in a crash she responded to would likely drive her out of the field and into college or another path (1 less character to have around to try to give screen time.)
Michael's death was also foreshadowed in 4a when Athena is concerned he gets the telescope and is spying on neighbors. He talks about having a bucket list that he never got to do because the pandemic forced him into isolation. He also talked about how his only concern during the cancer was preparing his kids for losing him.
Michael's plot is stagnant. He is happy and living with his boyfriend and son. He's cancer free. His whole plot is tied up in a nice bow where they could easily kill him off and the only loose threads to deal with on screen are his family members and friends grieving his loss. This would impact the 118 as a whole.
Honestly, I thought they were going to kill off Michael when he first got cancer and he decided to stop treatments but they bad May talk to him and convince him to go through with the treatments.
Now, by killing off Michael, it is 2 less stories they have to tell, and it is less they'll have to include storylines for Harry as much as they were because he was linked to Michael's storyline. And if they have May decide to leave the field to pursue other dreams or complete her dad's bucket list for him, that is 4 less storylines where they can now focus on the Madney baby, Bathena's relationship, introducing friends for Buck (they mentioned brining back Taylor), focus on ending Eddie/Ana, and establishing Albert as a character (based on a quote from the above article, I think Albert's storyline is going to parallel Buck's 1.0 to 2.0 phase ➡ "If you think about how we ended season 2, Buck being smashed by the firetruck. We knew he was going to survive... I would expect something similar here.")
Referring back to that first article, where it says "Then look for a significant source of agitation for the entire 118."
At this point, Michael would have passed and Bobby and Athena are now having marital problems AKA mom and dad are fighting.
Hen would be stuck in the middle because she is good friends with both Bobby and Athena. She is also facing her own loss of Nia being returned to her birth mom and doesn't have time for their marital problems but still tries to help. She can also pull from her experiences from the season 1 cheating storyline to tell them to communicate or it'll ruin their relationship (yes i too hate that storyline but it would work here)
Buck would likely (nonverbally) side with Bobby, but he sees them both as parental figures, so he gets stuck in the middle like a middle child who is just going with the flow. This would also parallel the Buck Begins storyline where Buck feels caught in the middle after his parents face a loss.
Chimney is raising a baby and (if this theory is right) worrying about Albert in a coma or recovering from a massive injury. He has no time for their marital problems but still lets Bobby confide in him and gives advice (maybe this is just cause i wanna see the bobby/chim friendship we used to get in s1)
Eddie sides with Bobby but he thinks the whole argument is dumb. He can also offer advice to Bobby based on his own experience, but it's going to be something about communication, at which point Bobby will start ripping his hair out because why won't she just tell me her problems and let me help?
Lastly, when have we ever known the show to go ahead and give a major spoiler of the episode 2 weeks in advance? They let us speculate about Daniel for like 8 months and imo it wasn't as big of a deal as they made it out to be. It seems more likely to me that they offered the promo to get the viewers with a twist ending when the show comes back.
Feel free to share your thoughts if you made it this far lol
TL;DR Based on the interviews Tim has done, Albert dying would have little impact on the 118 as a whole, but Michael dying would offer exactly what they need to set up season 5 and finish 4b.
#I should be writing a case analysis for school but instead I'm doing this#Yes that new promo ended me stop looking at me like that#It makes no sense to me that they would kill off Albert unless it is lazy writing#Though I hope ****** doesn't d word#If this doesn't actually happen I may write it in fic form because this is a very detailed outline lmao#The dig at Eddie/Ana wasn't meant to be mean#I saw she was auditioning for other roles so I don't really think she will stick around past 4b#She also barely posts about being on the Fox set anymore#911 spoilers#911 speculation#911 meta#thoughts are being thunk#I do not give permission to repost#<- someone on Twitter keeps reposting metas and other content without credit and I am tired#my posts
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Gonna actually share some 123SMS AU facts bc idk the concept always interests me (when I remember it)
-It’s almost a “Nothing Bad Happens” AU, aka in the AU Tim’s Daughter (named Villa here) survives his attempt to kill her but is naturally left severely traumatized. It doesn’t help that when showing no signs of getting better, her mom abandons her to start a new family as Villa had insane trust issues with her as a result of her trauma
-Nightmare still needed Villa murdered (IDK why, I guess he just didn’t appreciate kids) and so he takes over the Nightmare Puppet (which 100% has an actual name but he doesn’t know that) and brings the first game characters to life/gives them more large and vaguely anthro forms to torment and kill the kid
-Instead. They become found family :) thing still go to shit tho
-There are two Greeters, one is named Greta and Greeter (Male, he couldn’t figure out a better name), they’re twins and reflect the fact I always thought Greeter was a guy 😔 AU!Greeter drank the transgenderism juice tho
-The Greeters and Waiter were siblings and the puppet Nightmare takes over was their dad on Foggel Friends (forgot the canon name), he accepts his role as their dad but that doesn’t mean he’s a good parent!
-The AU was called Save me Street only bc. Villa was saved LMAO
-Of the second game gang, only Screamer was a puppet. He’s the cousin of the Greeters and Waiters and only stays with he rest of the 2nd gang because they’re a “back up plan”, he doesn’t know their goal tho he’s just chillin
-Vengi (Greeter’s Revenge) and Seeker are demons like Nightmare, their natural form is very human like but they pose as puppets to fit in B)
-No one knows how to drive so taking Villa to school is fun.
-In old versions of my AU (which was 100% different to Save me Street) the Hunter (scrapped character from both games jfc imagine getting scrapped TWICE) was originally the Greeters and Waiter’s dad. Now I don’t even think he exists.
-All the puppets have true names that they were given on Foggel Friends, their titles are actually code names the creators had for them. Example: Follower’s name was Florence, but his code name was Follower bc on the show he was a people pleaser and thus did what the others wanted for attention. The puppets (minus Greta) use their code names to differentiate from their show counterparts as they’re not really those characters, they’re their own people now!
-Follower wore the sans jacket.
#123 save me Street#just in case I ever return to the AU more frequently Lol now u know where to find it#long post
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Fuck it. Martin/Eye obviously, they are the true power-couple. Desolation/Gertrude <3. Joshua/The buried. The coffin calls for Joshua, much like it entrances to all its victims. But it's laced with happy sighs and fond yearning. He goes out on walks and the dirt sings to him. Weighted blankets feel like he is being crushed alive, and sweaters press into him like a hug. Sasha goes on a date with a clown who was intending to steal her skin but enjoyed the company. And of course, Jonathan/The Web.
Okay I have a bunch of earlier asks that I am working on but FUCK IT. YOU SPEAK MY LANGUAGE ANON. Time to reveal all my entities/humans OTPs.
Martin/the Eye, obvs. Definitely a strong fave. I mean, I wrote a whole fic about it. Basira/Eye if I had to pick a second place torture victim object of affection for the Eye.
Desolation/Gertrude. Desolation is like what’s sexier than bitter people blowing shit up NOTHING.
The Web/Jon. OF COURSE. It’s always loved him best. Always kept him alive. Always... guided him. :)
The Hunt/Basira. Please imagine the Dasira fics you could do with this. Also I feel like the Hunt would be one of the most interesting Entities to write in “love” because it would be allllll about the pursuit.
Stranger/Tim. As @pensivetense told me--there is a reason it takes everyone he loves!
The Spiral/Sasha. Look. Look. Michael Distortion reacted to the Archivist by stabbing him. Michael Distortion reacted to Martin in Tim by throwing them into Weird Hallway Hell. But Sasha? Gave her a coffee and helped her survive worms. CLEARLY preferential treatment.
(Alt!pick for the Spiral. Spiral/Melanie. Because who is the most defensive about being potentially gaslit? Melanie. And Who did Helen form the closest bond with? Melanie :) )
Buried/Joshua Gilespie for SURE. Absolutely. He is, unfortunately, very resistant to its charms :(. It may have more success with Karolina.
The Vast/Simon Fairchild. Rare example of a time when the human is the one doing the pursing, and the Entity is the one pursued.
The End/Georgie. But like--with the angle of her not being an avatar for it, unlike in my one fic. Imagine it being fascinated with her defiance, with her experiencing all of the terror of the end and going “No, I will live anyway.”
The Dark/Manuela Dominguez. Look. She loves the dark so much. I think it should love her back.
The Corruption/Everyone. Look. Look. All it wants to do is love you. Why won’t you let it love you? :’(
The Lonely/Elias. Specifically the original Elias Bouchard. Sitting in his own body as it’s puppeted around. Listening as people talk at him but not too him. Knowing that no one will ever know him outside of Jonah. The Lonely finds this Very attractive.
The Flesh/Mary Keay. Or so my friend just told me when I couldn’t figure out a love interest for the Flesh. “Look,” my friend says. “She has a book of human skin.” I cannot think of a better love interest, except for maybe Jared Hopworth who would be more of a vessel than an object of affection. I’m open to further ideas on this matter.
Slaughter/Jonah or Slaughter/Melanie. I can��t decide which one I like better. Both of them have bursts of unexpected violence. Difficult to choose :(
AND OF COURSE.
The Extinction/Adelard Dekker. Look. No one else thinks about the Extinction as much as Adelard. No one else fears the Extinction as much as Adelard. What they have is special.
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Tma relisten Episodes 11-15
So this round already has two other posts out of it about Oliver because he Bae.
These have alot of ideas regarding entities changing around reality, controlling non victims to set the stage, and turning around what people love most to their worst fear. Also insane abilities of the crew to obtain hard to access info and evidence! And some more Jon sass. Enjoy!
11 dreamer
Wow this episode had alot. I made a separate post with a theory about Oliver's statement here and a realization regarding him and Jane Prentiss here. They are alot to unpack
Oliver is so. Freaking. Relatable! Learned economics and hated it. Nearly had a breakdown like him because of it. "going to stay with some of the few friends that had survived my year of stress-fuelled outbursts and constantly cancelled plans." yep. That.
Boyfriend Graham ey? You notebook eating Graham?? Wow that guy is full of surprises.
I love the dream sequences and their descriptions it's a really beautiful thing to try and picture.
Its interesting how he went from passive to desparate to passive again about death. He tries but can't help. I wonder when the dreams started to bother him so much he sought after the silence of point Nemo. Was it when they became so full of red because of the apocalypse coming closer? Hmmm
Another person named John. I guess that makes sense it's a common name. But I forgot how many people are fully named in this podcast. Hundreds of names to come up with! Jonny I'm quite impressed!
He worked with Jane Prentiss in the magic shop! I can't believe I forgot about that! Wow small avatar world indeed.
"It led me to a room, the label of which was still visible, and read “Archive”. I entered to see walls covered with shelves and cabinets stretching off into the distance. These shelves were coated in a sticky black tar, which I knew at that moment was the thickened, pulpy blood that pumped through each and every one of those veins." everything that has to do with the Fears I bet. Full of death and destruction and stolen from the veins to be out on display for the Eye's pleasure.
Yo Jon is scared of this he's seriously considering going to Elias for advice
" I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke" wait. He trusts TIM? Not to do a practical joke? How. Why. Eh?
"died in the line of duty" fuck you Jonah.
Now Jon will get every new statement immediately when it's made. Perhaps this was Elias' intention all along. To scare him into making sure he does not miss any paranormal activity recorded by the institute.
12 first aid
I'm not immune to more Gerry badassery, hell yeah
And we get polish Martin which hell yeah! Even if Jon doesn't believe it. I'm sure he's repressing the fact that he's thoroughly impressed.
I think it's really interesting the effect entities have on people who are decidedly not their victims. Everyone leaving no questions so the entity can set the scene for the scare. Like with Gillespie how no one lived in the apartment building he was in etc. Alot of work into a handful of people being genuinely scared.
Gerry's burns stopped at the neck? How did he manage that. Also it's hilarious to imagine that he's like "yes burn all of me but please. not my goth makeup"
Zippo lighter with eye design!! And Jon has web design! They are brothers (joke but still really interesting)
Liquids were boiling around her and she didn't feel the heat. Also an interesting effect just for the scare.
Gerry got eye superpowers like Jon if he can function while injure and filled with painkillers.
“Yes. For you, better beholding than the lightless flame.” Gerry knew she'd be haunted by a Fear from that day on and realised that perhaps being watched would be easier for her specifically to deal with than the Desolation. I guess that's a way of assessing people. Which fear would least bother you.
Jon is already enamoured with Gerry you can tell. He can't wait to hear more from him. Just you wait Jon.
They really can access alot of information huh. CCTV Interviews files. Pretty impressive for a non-research team. They're so good at it they'd rather do that than actual archiving.
13 alone
The sound editing in this episode is not that great it was a bit to get used to.
We get a glimpse at the Lukases which is... Ugh
Jon is actually trying to be nice. Granted it's not working and she is a bit of a standoffish person herself who just went through a bad time but alot of her reactions are not his fault. He was trying to be considerate giving her space to record but he did stay when she asked.
She had already leaned into the Lonely before the incident it's interesting to see how some of these statements start with a person actually liking the aspect that later turns to fear. Same happens in lost johns' cave.
Evan Lukas sounds like an avatar of the exact opposite of the Lonely. At least to her. That's a really interesting effect from someone, especially a Lukas.
But maybe dying wasn't his family killing him but him not feeding his patron which he tried to leave. Really tragic.
She was in Martin's domain eyyy!
It's got a bit of buried aspects to it with the grave stuff and all.
"My fingers dug into the soft cemetery dirt as I looked around desperately for anything I could use to save myself, and my hand closed upon that heavy piece of headstone. It took all my self-control to keep a grip on that anchor, as I slowly dragged myself away from the edge of my lonely grave." The headstone was her anchor? But it said forgotten. I wonder how it helped her pull away. It probably had to go together with Evan's voice. Like the rib and the tape recorders having to work together! I just wonder what meaning the stone had for her.
"I’d be tempted to chalk this one up to a hallucination from stress and trauma, if it wasn’t for the fact... " God he does believe her heavens. He's not a skeptic!
This is when Jon's dreams start which... Good luck Jon.
14 piecemeal
Rentoul is terrifying sonofabitch and I would never want to meet him irl
I remembered them talking about how he was supposed to be a person who cursed alot and they couldn't do it because of sensor and I have to agree this could have been much better for the story. I tried imagining curses in some places.
LOL Jon reading this is funny. Trying to voice act the bad boy. Doesn't sound right on his voice.
With these kinds of statements happening alot where the person does something bad, the institute has to be in touch with police over them. The nda has to include that.
Hello Angela! I really wonder what her deal is. She scared the bid bully so she gotta have creepy vibes to the extreme.
Another lighter! Hmm do I have to start following the lighter motiff in this podcast. This one has a topless woman on it. Flesh lighter?
Salesa's also appearing that's cool! Noriega was probably looking for an artifact to reverse the curse. Didn't work tho since they left with the crate. The buried crate perhaps?
I'm wondering. Was this written? Because the statement sounds like he's talking. If so, Where's the recording?
Oh Jon your attitude towards Martin is so bad. He works so hard and it's not even in what he's good at, sorting and filing like he knows how to do from the library. God.
What's the deal with all the furniture gone? Did he think it'll help not get injured? He's not that smart if he thought that would help him.
15 lost Johns' cave
Ack a bad statement she was not a good person all around
Another example of the entities setting the stage by controlling others not to interfere with the victim's experience.
Also another example of the person liking the subject (cave exploration in this case. And the dark for that matter) only for it to turn against them.
Not much to say about this one other than its one of the scarier ones for sure. And her recording in the end is really the cherry on top. There is alot of discrepancy between what she believed happened and what actually did which shows how much the fear plays with and changes around reality. That's also how she manages to lie in a statement to Beholding. It wasn't a lie. It was her version of reality and she did not remember saying those awful words.
Taught me alot about cave diving and how much I will never do it in my life.
The Dark was mixed into this as well so it wasn't purely Buried.
Btw Where did she get the candles she was found with?
It feels like she made a choice. Didn't want to spend her last moments with her sister and then didn't want to die. She chose her sister to be taken over her. Her sister called for help and the candle coming closer might have been her! But she just shut her eyes.
How did Tim gain access to the recording?? Wow that's some prime evidence.
Martin is claustrophobic amongst other things huh? Live how Jon just dismisses this as an excuse not to work. At least he didn't push it.
#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#Tim stoker#Oliver banks#Tma hiatus liveblog#gerry keay
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Taylor Kitsch, an actor known for his roles in such Hollywood productions as "Battleship: Battle for Earth" and "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", is starring in the new Canal + series "Defeated". In an interview, the actor reveals what he remembers from history lessons, what connects the series' story with the modern world. He also explains why, according to him, every person should visit the former concentration camp of Auschwitz-Birkenau.
Taylor Kitsch started his adventure in Hollywood as a "hottie" - an actor associated with a great body and beautiful face. All because the first role that brought the popularity of the former model Abercrombie and Fitch was the character of naughty lover Tim Riggins in the cult series "Friday Night Lights".
Kitsch did not avoid tough moments in his career - for example, when the $ 250 million John Carter, his first such big role, suffered a disgusting box office failure. But the Canadian knew this taste already - after coming to the USA, he was homeless for some time before finding a job.
For years, he has been successfully playing in big titles and alongside big names. Oliver Stone ("Savages"), Ryan Murphy ("Heart Reflex"), roles alongside Chadwick Boseman ("21 Bridges"), Michael Shannon ("Waco"), Michael Keaton ("American Assassin") and Rihanna ("Battlefield ), the HBO series "Detective," starring Vince Vaughn and Rachel McAdams. Meanwhile, Kitsch finds his way to charity, especially for children.
From 1 January 2021, we will watch him in "Defeated" . There he plays the role of Brooklyn policeman Max McLoughlin, who in the summer of 1946 is sent to Berlin, which is divided into four spheres of influence. Its task is to support the emerging police structures in the rubble. But upholding order in a space of brutality and lawlessness and clashing political forces - French, American, British and Soviet - will not be easy. Especially since Max does not know that he is used as a pawn in the game to open the Cold War, and somewhere in the maze of Berlin rubble lurks his brother Moritz, a self-proclaimed Nazi hunter who will stop at nothing ...
In addition to Kitsch, the main roles will be: Nina Hoss (local policewoman Elsie Garten), Sebastian Koch (criminal known as Engelmacher, Al Capone of post-war Berlin), Logan Marshall-Green (Max's missing brother, Moritz) and Michael C. Hall (consul Tom Franklin ).
The "Defeated" takes place in Berlin, right after the war. When you decided to play Max McLoughlin, did you have any knowledge of what the situation in Germany was like then?
The seres begins six months after the end of the war. I have the impression that this is a moment that is missing in the educational process - we learn a lot about the war itself, but about what happened immediately after it, for example, I had no idea. The plot of "Defeated" is made up, but our director Måns Mårlind (co-creator of the hit series "Bridge over the Sund") constructed it on the basis of many true stories. I have the impression that fact and fiction are perfectly balanced here. In the process of preparation, he gave us many documentaries and articles that helped to build an idea about the climate of the city from 1946. Discovering the next details of the story was fascinating for me.
Your work gives him a chance to get to know the world, its history, extraordinary places and people. Do you appreciate it?
This is the best part of my job! With each new production, I have a chance to immerse myself in its world and get to know it thoroughly. It could be a war movie like "Survivor", a story about a cult leader ("Waco"), the world of a detective ("Detective") or the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, as in "Heart Reflex". When I was an aspiring actor learning to act in New York, I never imagined that I would be able to live and work like this. Train with Navy Seals or meet Larry Kramer [American playwright, writer and activist for LGBT rights - ed.]. I am very lucky!
Prague, where you shot "Defeated", is a cult city for many Polish filmmakers, due to the famous FAMU school, but also a popular, atmospheric excursion destination. How was your time there?
Lovely. He will refer again to the privilege of working like this: six months in such a wonderful place, it is almost immoral! The only downside was the tight schedule so I didn't discover all the nooks and crannies that I had on the agenda. Fortunately, my driver, a guy in his fifties, was a great-grandfather from Prague, very talkative, and from him I learned the most interesting things - stories about the adventures of my ancestors and friends! Besides, in Prague, if you want to take a history lesson, you go out twenty meters in front of the front door - and it's already getting started. We shot in the summer, before Covid. We had an international team - Czechs, Swedes, Russians, Germans, French ... In use - not only behind the scenes, but also on the set - several languages simultaneously. Really, the only problem for me was my diet. Flour, red meat, stews ... I don't really like to eat like that. At least the beer was delicious, really amazing! In general, I really liked the culture of drinking and eating outside, these gardens, the community ... wonderful thing.
Due to the fact that the film was made in Europe, you had the opportunity to see places related to the war with your own eyes. What made the greatest impression on you?
I was lucky, although it is not quite an adequate term that during the shooting we managed to visit the site of the former Auschwitz camp. Of course I knew, I had read about concentration camps before, but this direct contact with the site was invaluable, it gave me a clear idea of what happened. It is difficult for a man to believe what he sees around him. He's standing right next to him, yet he doesn't quite believe it. The space made a huge impression on me. I did not realize how huge Birkenau was, how perfectly organized the entire extermination was. This architecture, the surrounding houses, barracks. Someone designed it, thought over the function down to the smallest detail, and during my visit, I had the chance to trace how and where the whole process took place, step by step. I was standing there and it felt like I was choking, my whole body ached. Such experiences helped me a lot to bring my character to life. Max did not survive the camp himself, but he appears in a place marked by this tragedy, the tragedy of World War II, it affects him. I wish everyone could visit this place because it is a life changing experience.
Movies set in the past can be a perfect mirror for what is here and now. What analogies do you see between that reality and today's world?
- Division, the dictate of fear, fear of the unknown, of otherness. Different ways to work through your trauma. These are all threads that connect the "Defeated" space with our reality. For my character, especially the experience of trauma resulting from family history, from the relationship with my brother, becomes the key. They both underwent a similar shock, but their reactions were completely different. I found it very interesting. Max is still hoping for a change, Moritz, as the saying goes, "the platform is gone". They have a completely different perception of one and the same event. Again, it is also a very contemporary thread - one event, situation, and extreme different opinions about it.
Your hero comes from Brooklyn, after you came from Canada, you spent a lot of time in New York. What is so special about the atmosphere of this city that gives it such a "mythical" status?
For me, it has always been, I fully agree! Scorsese's "Streets of Poverty" has always been such a cinematic quintessence of New York, with its excellent Keitel and DeNiro. This film is set in the 1940s, which is the present day of Max. He was my point of reference in terms of the accent. Those years were difficult, the inhabitants struggled to make ends meet, and that also had to affect my character's character. Besides, New York has a chic character, New Yorkers feel proud of their roots. It's also something that Max defines.
And you had to transfer this New York feeling to Berlin ...
... to the razed Berlin, which for Max becomes, in a way, another space of trauma, personal again, but this time much more intense.
For this role, you had to master not only a Brooklyn accent, but also the German language. It was difficult?
I had an amazing accent teacher from Berlin, Simone. My rock! Fortunately, Max is an American who speaks German poorly and not a German, because if I had to play a German, I would have had a nervous breakdown! German is a damn hard language, especially for someone who wasn't exposed to such sounds when growing up. I learned everything phonetically. Sometimes I was "suspended" during the scene and then I was saved by Nina [Hoss, a great German acting and screen partner of Kitsch - ed.]. In my career, I have had to play with a South African, Texas, New York accent ... I've learned that there is no such thing as an optimal effect, someone is always dissatisfied. I focus on the vision agreed with the creators and I stick to it. Language is an amazing link between the actor and the protagonist, gives a unique insight into his state of mind and view of the world. I definitely prefer to play the character with an accent than to speak as usual. It's a great transformation tool. The arrangement of the lips, the appearance of the face, and the term are changing. In "Waco" my character, the guru of the sect David Koresh, had an unnaturally high, soft voice, which immediately made the viewer feel differently.
We associate you with American hits, but you are, like Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling, Canadian. Do you feel like an American, or is Canada a state of mind after all?
I started my adventure with the USA when I was 20, I came to school. Now I'm forty, so I've spent half my life here. Madness! Over time, I have grown into this space, I have settled down and I feel at home. I'm talking to you from my home in Austin, Texas. But at the same time, I'll always be Canadian. I go there often, visiting my family and familiar places. Maybe I'll go back one day, who knows?
You've had moments in your career that turned from a promise of triumph to failure, such as the high-budget John Carter, who failed at the box office. Do you have something that you already know: "I'm avoiding this"?
I don't have things that, as a rule, I don't do or know that I will never do. But there are some that I don't like. These include radical weight changes. My dear friend must have gained twenty-five kilos for a small, independent film. The first week was great because you eat what you want, then depression started, joint problems, sugar jumping ... I never put my back, but I lost weight. I lost a dozen kilos for the role in "Waco", before that for the "Bang Bang Club". It's fucking hard and very exhausting, especially the older I get. My body and head hate it! Also, until Scorsese calls with some great proposal, I say: enough.
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Teaching you, teaching me
Four times mother and son learned from and about each other, and one time Tim used his knowledge for evil good.
(Warning: Tim is older in some and younger in others, without order)
(For my babes @the-quiet-carrotcake and @animemangasoul who cheered me up when I was feeling bad, hope this makes you happy as well!
Also, hon tagged me on a ‘five word prompt generator’ thing and I lost the post, so this is my contribution, five words that inspired each part)
Animal
When Jack died, it was sad but they were prepared. He’d been in a coma for two months by then, and Janet had practically been readying both herself and her son for the outcome. Tim had been sad, but it was more because of a possible future lost (he’d never given up the hope of his father changing one day, of Jack wanting to stay and being more present in his life), than genuine sorrow. Or so had the therapist told her.
Janet hadn’t felt bad, not really. Her relationship with her late husband had been cold long before his death, ruined by years of neglecting their son and being absent of their lives, but she suffered for her son, with his too big heart, who didn’t hesitate on wasting his tears on a father that never deserved them, the second she told him the news.
Still, she held his hand through the entire funeral, surprised by the way he held his head on high. When he threw an arm over her shoulders to guide her away, after the service was over, she realized he was trying to be strong for her. The thirteen year old, heart breaking inside his small chest, was puffing it out to make himself seem bigger, more reliable, to comfort a mother that didn’t really need it.
Her beautiful, kind son.
Max’s death, a short two months after, was nothing like that.
The dog had been part of their household for nine, almost ten years now. Bought shortly after the circus tragedy, in a desperate attempt at soothing her son’s nightmares with the company of something fluffy and loveable, Max had grown up next to Tim, been there for any sad or happy moment, comforting him or sharing his joy by turns. The golden retriever had seem made specifically of love, giving all of it to the kid he’d been gifted to, and for that alone Janet had gone all out on his medical treatments, desperate to make him live as long as possible for a dog.
Still, he was gone too soon, taking with him Tim’s smile and leaving ample space for tears. Tim had stayed by his side from the moment the veterinarian informed them of his chronic condition, to the tragic end of it, petting him softly and speaking in low, comforting tones.
Max’s last act before dying had been to lick Tim’s hand, the only thing he could reach from where he was lying on the dog bed, and wag his tail once. Even at death’s door, he’d showed Tim more love than his father ever had. Just for that, Janet would Max more than she did Jack.
It also baffled her, when Tim rejected her offer to bring home another dog a week after the small funeral they held in the backyard, softly closing the book on his lap to give her his full attention.
-You love getting new pets -she felt compelled to point out, because it felt like the obvious course of action.
-I do, but I also know why you are suggesting it now, and it won’t work. You can’t make me forget my sadness over losing Max by getting me a puppy, mom.
-It’ll fill the void -she insists. Almost desperately.
(She can’t stand to hear her child cry by himself at night, his despair breaking her heart worse than anything else ever could)
-It won’t -he says, shifting in the window seat he always choose when deep in thought or in a contemplative mood-. I loved Max, not because he was a dog, but because he was Max. Even if you buy me a hundred puppies, I’ll love them because they’d be them. It won’t make me forget my pain over Max’s death.
She wanted to fight him on it, offer more, whatever it took to wipe the dim and far away look from his eyes, but he glanced up at her, so softly and fond, and she felt her tongue glueing itself to the top of her mouth.
She thought, weirdly enough, of Wayne. Of how, when his first son went away, how he took another boy in. Despite loving Jason, he never stopped missing Dick. She thinks she understands, a little, where Tim was coming from.
(Tim would throw his book at her, if he knew she was comparing the Waynes to dogs, but, if the shoe fits…)
Demonstration
They say watching was the best form of learning, and Tim took it to heart. He analyzed people, going to work, hanging out with friends, buying groceries, fighting, laughing, crying… he saw, and he learned.
The one he watched the most was his mother, though.
How she smiled oh-so-politely at parties, how she ruthlessly destroyed the person speaking to her with short, well informed facts and dirty laundry. How she did both at the same time.
He went with her to DI, and took notice of the way her hips swayed with each step whenever she needed the room’s attention on her, or made her heels click extra hard against the porcelain floor when she wanted averted eyes.
She waved sweetly to her secretary, and frostily glared at the board member sitting three seats away from her.
She clenched her teeth during a phone call with someone she hated, but kept her voice perfectly smooth, warm even, as if speaking to an old friend.
He knew he would inherit the company one day. And, small as DI had been in the past, it had flourished under Janet Drake’s tender and constant care, blooming into the powerhouse it was today, on par with Wayne Enterprises. It was intimidating, to imagine all that power, all that responsibility, on his shoulders.
Mother, Aunt Nicole, Uncle Lex, Uncle Bruce, Dick, Jay… they all said it, that Tim was too kind, too soft. He would give his hand to someone down without a thought, rather than see if they had a weapon first. Sweet, they called him, and made him blush, because he liked it. Liked that, to all that ruthless, sharp, for moments cruel people, he was a warm presence. A safe, comfortable place to lay worries to rest and smile. He liked being their sweet Timmy.
But he also despised it, because he was a gothamite, and this city ate sweet people whole for dessert, just after finishing with the foolish and naive ones that made for it’s lunch. There was no place for tender people, because that was the best kind to sink teeth into, and Gotham feeds on them. And he can’t die, because who is going to make sure mom and Nicole don’t go off the deep end? Who’s going to help Lex understand and bond with his son, with Conner? Who’s going to make sure the Waynes are getting along, when Alfred himself decides to leave them to their terrible life choices?
So he watches his mom, because she’s a prime example of someone not to be fucked with. Someone who is going to survive this wreck of a city until her drawn out, bitter end, and when that comes, she’ll go kicking and screaming and suing people to the ends of the earth. She doesn’t fear Gotham, and while sure as fuck Gotham doesn’t fear her either, it at least respects her.
So he watches, and memorizes, and adapts behaviours and gestures into his own, tries to mimic the look in her eyes that send people flinching back and laughing nervously.
And, since he’s watching, he notices that she knows. How she’d look over her shoulder, straight into his eyes, as if saying ‘pay attention, I’m only showing you this once’ before she does something particularly tricky. Demonstrates her way of surviving, and lets him learn from it to make his own.
Tim, eleven years old, so tender and soft he’s like a warm, eatable bunny in everyone’s opinion, closes his eyes and breathes in, deeply. When he opens them, the icy blue of his gaze is enough to send the closest board member stumbling back and mumbling an apology (for what, who knows) before scurrying out of the room.
Mom looks back to the rest of the board, but Tim knows (because he watches her all the time, he’s learned her to the smallest detail) that she’s smiling.
She’s proud.
Galaxy
It’s late, and she feels sick and wants nothing more than to go to sleep. She’d basically lived at the office this last week, because of some stupid mistake Jack had made with the one piece of paperwork she needed him to sign (how he manages to screw up from all the way across the world, she can’t quite understand; it surely requires talent), and feels about ready to collapse on her bed.
But, because it’s been a while since she saw him, something in her gut tells her to go look for her son. Tim’s probably asleep right now, it’s almost four a.m, but if she’s silent enough, she could sneak a quick peek through the door, make sure he’s fine, and then go to bed completely unburdened.
Except, when she gets there, she’s treated to the sight of her son, her eight year old son, getting back into his room from God knows where by climbing through his window. Which, by the way, was located on the third floor.
Janet pressed a hand to her chest, as if to make sure her heart was still beating. It was, but the speed couldn't be normal.
Was this a heart attack?
Hidden by the shadows on the hallway, she noticed how he removed his tiny sneakers, that she had completely forgot he even owned, and thrusted them under the bed. They were worn out, full of grim, obviously used often for activities like sneaking out at night and climbing the house.
Yes, she was having a heart attack. And an aneurysm. Simultaneously.
The camera around his neck, she did remember. The one gift he had asked for his last birthday, the only thing he ever begged her for. She hadn’t understand his passion for owning one, but since he never had looked so earnest (and wanting to make up for Jack missing the day) she conceded.
Was it a mistake? Watching the little boy making himself comfortable in his bed, going through the photos in the camera with the most delighted expression ever, she felt like ‘fuck yes’ wasn’t a strong enough answer.
Her first impulse, to jump inside the room and demand answers, was squashed down almost as soon as it hitted her. If she did, Tim would clam up and deny everything. Instead, she breathed in deeply and tapped her knuckles against the doorframe.
Tim almost jumped straight out of his skin, looking at her like a thief caught red handed. It’d be almost funny, if her heartbeat wasn’t still off the charts.
-Timothy, it’s quite late. Why are you awake at this hour? And with your camera? -she made a show of scanning his clothing, as if she wasn’t aware of the jeans and hoodie- Why aren’t you on your pajamas?
She could almost hear him thinking, brilliant mind kicking into overdrive as her prodigious son searched for an answer that would satisfy his mother and keep him out of trouble. Shame no such answer existed.
-I… was outside, mama -he mumbled; calling her like that, amping up the cuteness, was almost overdoing it, but she supposed the situation called for big guns- Taking pictures of the sky. I-I know it’s dark, and polluted, but I heard today was going to be extra-starry, and I thought maybe I could photograph the stars for you?
He was good, she ought to give him that. But years too young to even try to lie to her.
-I see -she answers, calmly walking closer to him. Her face betrayed nothing, and she could see how that was getting into him by the way he was fondling with the camera, almost carelessly compared to his earlier reverent touch.
He flinched when she sat by his side.
-M-mom?
-Well? -an arched eyebrow- Aren’t you going to show me? You did something incredibly dangerous, climbing down your window- no, don’t even try to lie, I saw you climbing back in. Don’t think we won’t be talking about that in the morning. But you did something truly reckless, for those pictures for me. The least I can do is see them.
Quick, trembling hands fumbled a bit with the buttons. Janet was honestly surprised when he turned the camera around, showing actual sky pictures to her. She believed it a bluff. Maybe preventive measures, in case he got caught? She was sure he was lying, because even if they were sky pictures, it wasn’t a particularly nice view, all foggy and polluted Gotham landscape.
She also noticed (though pretended not to) how those angles weren't ones he could achieve from their backyard, which upped her panic levels a few notches. Her baby had been alone, at night, away from home, in this shithole of a city.
-What a pity -she says, instead, giving back the camera, despite her burning desire to search for older pictures to get an idea of her son’s true activities-, those look like the usual sky. I would have loved to see the stars. Well, not your fault, this place is just ugly. Maybe we should move to Metropolis, I’m sure there are stars there.
-Mom…!
-Hush, now, go to sleep. We are talking about sneaking out and bedtimes tomorrow, I’m too tired right now.
She could see his anxiety (at moving away? Why did he love this place so much?), but he must have realized he’d push his luck too far if he insisted, so he kissed her cheek and let her tuck him in.
Despite her bone-deep tiredness, Janet couldn't get a single second of shut eye at all. By six a.m and truly out of ideas, she picked up the phone. Too respectful of Nicole’s boundaries to bother her at that hour (or at least, not desperate enough; had the situation been a little more urgent, she wouldn’t have hesitated to drag her to the manor kicking and screaming), she called Lex.
At the fifth ring, her old friend's voice answered- I have a conference with the president in a few hours and need rest, this better be important.
-Please, your sleep schedule is even worse than mine. I need an opinion.
-And is Al Ghul unavailable? Why are you bothering me, when you two usually ignore my advice and go to each other?
-Don’t be jealous, green isn’t your color. Lavender isn’t either, but well, I guess you can’t win all your battles…
-Bold words for someone asking for help.
-Who said anything about help? I just need a new perspective. And I’m already regretting going to you for it.
-Well, I’m awake now, so might as well. Mercy -Luthor’s voice sounded a little muffled, probably covering the receiver while he addressed his bodyguard slash buttler- I’ll be in the study, bring me coffee.
She gave him a few minutes, twirling one of her dark locks in her pointer finger. Laying in bed, unmade by all the tossing and turning she did for the last hours, she looked the picture of unrest. Luthor would laugh himself sick if he saw her now.
-Alright, I have coffee now. What happened?
-I caught Tim coming back home after sneaking out last night. It looked like he did it before, multiple times; he had specific shoes for it that he hid, and even got some backup-plan photographs to make it look like he was just in the backyard photograpying the sky.
She heard the squeaking sound his chair made as he sat straighter, floored by her confession.
-You should oil that chair. Is unbecoming for your image if it makes that kind of sounds everytime you move on it.
-Sorry, I can’t answer properly to the last part because I’m still reeling for the opening bit.
-Weak.
He ignored her (rude), muttering under his breath- Tim what? No, he wouldn’t… well, he does have Janet’s genes, so maybe…
-So -she cut him off, because if he kept that line of thinking, she would hang up and he still hadn’t given her any advice-, your thoughts?
-Get a bodyguard on him 24-7 who’ll keep him from going out at night -he answered quick as a wip, not even needing to think it through. She huffed.
-If it were that easy, I wouldn't need your opinion, you fool. This is my son we are talking about. Guilt and duty might keep him from going out, if I appeal to those, but brute force and shackles? He’s smart, smarter than you, maybe even than me. If he really wants to go, and finds no moral obstacles, he’ll find a way.
-So, do what you said, attack his conscience.
-I want to keep him safe, not emotionally destroy him.
-Forbid him from going? Like you said, he’s a dutiful son, and very well behaved.
-Which means he’ll make sure I think he’s obeying, but no guarantees he’ll actually do it. Think harder.
A few minutes went by, before the man sighed.
-You said it yourself, if he really wants to go, there’s little you can do, short of locking him up like a prince in a tower. Maybe speak to him, tell him your reasons to worry… and get him some martial arts teacher, to give him a fighting chance if he ends up disobeying anyway.
----.----
After speaking to Luthor and a quick call to Nicole for a favor (namely, get Lady Shiva to accept a work as a sensei for Tim), Janet slept for a solid nine hours. Eating, overseeing some papers and phoning her secretary to clean her schedule for the rest of the week, and she was ready to face her son after having dinner together.
They sat on Tim’s bed, and she held his hand as she spoke to him. About how cold it was, how easy it was, before he was born. How life was do this, think about that, conquer here, throw something away there. Act, consequence, simple as that. Clinical as that.
It was different, she said, when he came to her life, to her arms. Because it was warm, and difficult, and so, so scary. She’d never been so afraid of the butterfly effect before. Now, consequences of a misstep could come to bite her in twenty years, a simple act now could make Tim despise her in the future.
“I’ve never been so afraid in my life”, she told him, baring her soul for the first time in her life. “But I’ve also never been happier, and it’s all because of you.”
“I love you”, she told him, giving her heart away for the first time in her life. “And I can’t lose you.”
Those words were the hardest for her to say. She did it, anyway. Because he needed to hear them, and because they might be enough to keep him from pulling last night’s stunt again.
By the time she was done, Tim’s face was a mess of tears and snot. He hadn’t uttered a single word, holding onto her hand like a lifeline, but his smile was the brightest, prettiest thing she’s ever seen.
-I’ll be careful, Mom -he promised, between wrecked sobs. It had truly affected him, to hear her heart thoughts so bluntly. She ought to do this more often, if he treasured it so much- I.. I won’t go out at night alone, not until I’m someone not even the Rogues can mess with. I promise -he looks at his bedside table, where the camera sits, and looks regretful but determined at the same time. She knows he means it. Whatever feeling he got from sneaking out to take pictures, it evidently wasn’t as strong as what he felt now, holding his mom’s hand and shaking from such strong emotions.
-Thank you -she breathed in deeply, relaxing for the first time since the night before, letting go of his hand to hug his shoulders, pressing him into her side.
After a few seconds of silence, he weaseled out of her hold, raising a hand to halt her when she tried to follow his example and get up- Stay there a minute, Mom, I have something to show you.
With that, he sprinted to the light switch, and turned them off. But a slight, greenish glow remained in the room, and then she noticed the glow in the dark stars sticking to the ceiling.
There were… a lot of them.
Tim came back and sat once again next to her, hand quickly snatching hers.
-You said… you said you wanted to see the stars, so I made you a little galaxy. Whenever you want to see them, you can come here… You’ll also know, that way, that I’m here and not sneaking out.
Thanking people wasn’t something Janet did often. But she had said ‘I love you’ today, and that one was a first, so this wasn’t too far fetched for her.
-Thank you, Tim.
Feedback
A week after showing his mother his multiple closets full of disguises and aliases’ clothing, he was called into her office.
He had expected some questions, maybe even feedback or advice in how to perfect his portrayal of other people.
He hadn’t expected this.
-..and I know I’m not as… adapted to the ever changing times as younger people like you. Me, Lex, sometimes Nicole, we are too set on our ways, but.
She cleared her throat. Tim still wasn’t sure he wasn’t having some kind of fever dream.
-But. It’s important for you to know that I… I won’t ever judge you for something you are. I might judge your actions, like when you accept Todd’s offers for a ride downtown, or Grayson’s requests for a dance, or when you are too dumb/ kind, too kind, towards other people… But I’ll never judge you for something you didn’t choose. Like this.
In the midst of this confusing speech, Tim still couldn't quiet comprehend why mom was gesturing towards the shoes on the desk. They were simple, red heels, not even that high, belongings of Caroline Hill, one of his more successful aliases. It was a wonder how people on the Alley’s clinic hadn’t catched on that their favorite voluntary nurse slash doctor in training was a fifteen year old kid instead of the nineteen year old shy girl they thought, but it was an ego boost when they called him Miss Hill, and a boost to his medical skills when they taught him something new.
-I understand this is an… -a quick glance to the papers in her desk. Had mom… wrote this down beforehand? What…?- age of changes, yes, an age of changes for you. And you are… discovering- no, learning yourself. And I’m honored that you trusted me enough to show me that, and came to me in this… confusing times.
Tim opened his mouth to speak. Mom seemed to panic, as much as mom ever did anyways, quickly sorting through her sheets of… Information? Pointers?
-Not that I think you are confused! I trust that you know yourself the best, and I trust whatever you say to me are your honest feelings on the matter.
-I… I am confused -he managed to blurt out.
Mom winced, and searched among her papers some more. When she seemed to find whatever it was, she pulled it above the others, gave them a quick glance, and kept going- It’s okay if you don’t know it yet, too. There’s more than just… male or female. According to my research, there’s a ‘neither’, ‘both’ and ‘sometimes one, sometimes the other’ option.
Janet seemed lost at her own words. Tim could relate. He wasn’t even sure they were talking about his aliases anymore.
-What I mean to say is -she breathed in deeply, letting the papers fall to the desk and meeting his eyes head on-, I love you. You are my son, daughter, neither, both, whatever you feel, but still mine. My child, and nothing you do about your… identity or sexuality can change that. I’ll always accept you, as you are. And if anyone ever gives you trouble about it, you can always come to me and I’ll set their minds straight, or remove them from the picture.
Tim felt fondness surging in his chest, even as his mind came to an abrupt halt when he finally understood what this was all about.
-You might have to be patient with me, or explain some concepts, as I learn about this, because its all new information to me. But I promise you I’ll always love you no matter what, and I’m willing and ready to do my best to/
-Mom -he finally choked up, torn between embarrassment and profound love- I’m not… I’m a boy. I really, really appreciate all this, but you don’t need to… I mean, the shoes and clothes? It’s because I’m making aliases, so I can learn different things and meet people without it being traced back to me. Like, tools. Caroline Hill, the shoes owner, for example, is a tool to learn about medicine, and practice the way of women in case I ever need to disguise myself as one. Not… not actual representations of Tim Drake.
There was a minute of silence.
-Well, this is… unexpected.
-But -he continued, cheeks warm but hurting from smiling so hard- you are the best mom ever, and this learning you are doing? It’s great, even if not applicable to me, because it… it’s good, for people to understand and accept other people like that. It makes you a better person, and I’m really proud of you.
He got up from his seat and walked around the desk, sitting in the floor by his mom’s chair like he did when he was a toddler, and rested his head in her lap, hugging her legs, eyes going to hers with wonder and happiness. She seemed utterly relieved, both at not having fucked up their chat, and at him not being mad at the misunderstanding.
-Aliases, huh. I can help with that. We can talk about it over dinner, and I’ll give you some suggestions.
-Thanks, mom. And, hum, since you brought up the whole gender and sexuality stuff… this might be a good moment to let you know I’m bi.
Long, sharp nails scratched his scalp softly, his eyes closing almost on instinct. Her laugh ringed in his ears.
-It doesn’t matter to me, Timothy. Boy, girl… whoever you bring home, I’ll…
He smiled, expectant.
-... never accept them. No one, no matter their genders, is good enough for my son.
Ah, there she was, the mother he knew and loved.
Movie
Tim, sitting in his study, didn’t even raise his eyes from the paperwork mom had assigned him (to help make him accustomed to dealing with it for when he’ll have a more central role in DI) when the door opened and closed with a bang. He continued signing contracts with one hand, while the other patted his desk for his phone, shooting a quick text to the butler without looking.
-Can you believe it? -his intruder clamored, walking back and forth in front of Tim’s desk, hands messing through long locks of black hair.
-No -he replied, eyes still not leaving his work- It's amazing, how the stock market dropped on Wayne Enterprises. What is Bruce thinking, with the neon knights? He can’t do that and then go gallivanting around the world alone again, the stockholders won’t stand for such a big inversion without the logical follow up. I need to phone Damian about this, maybe he can ask his brothers to pose as Bruce and/
-I’m not talking about your precious Waynes!
-I know -he replied, hand finishing the last stroke of his signature, raising his eyes to his godmother just as the door opened and the butler brought a tea (and coffee) set, placing it by the little table in the corner of the study-, but I needed a few minutes to finish this before paying attention to you, Aunt. Now, a cup of tea? I’ll be having coffee, but it might not be the best for your frayed nerves.
-My nerves aren’t frayed, you little brat. Show some respect. Where is my cute little angel of a godson? -she complained, sitting as elegantly as ever in the plus couch by the little table. Tim sat opposite her.
-He hasn't slept in three days -and is being asked to meddle into adult’s problems, but he didn’t voice that part, merely mixing ingredients in the steaming cup-, It’s natural to be bitter. Now, tea?
She didn’t answer, but accepted the offered drink, already prepared to her tastes perfectly. Despite her anger, she smiled. Two sugars, no milk, a little lemon, the smallest hint of vodka. Her godson knew her so well.
A few seconds went by as Tim readied his own coffee and downed half. The butler topped the cup for him, and then left just as quietly as he had came.
-Now, want to tell me what has you so mad?
He already knew, but playing innocent was one of his strengths. Bruce still blamed Dick for the incident on the music room of the manor, despite the fact that Tim had been there at the moment and his eldest far away on a secret mission civilian Tim wasn't supposed to know about. That was the true power of a goodie two shoes.
-Your mother, she… You know we were planning on going to the movies today, and she…!
-Ah -he nodded, as if only catching up then- She went with Dana, right?
Nicole gritted her teeth, downing her cup in one long glup to calm herself. Tim merely took the teapot and filled it again.
-Janet doesn’t even like the movies! She hates being around other people. The only reason she goes is to humor me, and now… That woman…
-Dana is a good person -he intervened, because he genuinely liked her. Dana Winters had been in charge of taking care of his comatose dad until his death, and they had spent some time together during his visits to Jack. A lot of his alias Caroline Hill had been based on her. And right now, she...
-Too good -Nicole muttered, which Tim suspects, was the root of the problem.
-Shouldn't you be glad? -he asked, head tilted in his best show of naivety- That mom is trying to get someone kind to be by her side? Dad wasn’t… dad wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t as nice to mom as he could have been. I, for one, want her to be happy.
-Janet doesn’t do nice.
It took everything in him to not answer ‘well, she might tonight’, because that would ruin his innocent image, and he was afraid Nicole might actually stab Dana. Really, refraining himself like that was almost painful. Mom better appreciate his sacrifice.
-The nicest thing she could ever stand was you -she continued, ignorant to her godson’s internal struggle-, and you are her baby.
-I’m fifteen -he felt compelled to inform her, but was promptly shushed.
-To us, you never grew past your chubby stage.
-I didn’t have a chubby stage, and you can’t prove otherwise -he’d know. He was the one who got rid of the evidence.
-Back to the point… Dana is no good fit for your mom. She’d end up tearing off her own hair in frustration in less than a month after countless discussions of morality and ‘doing the right thing’. She can barely resist when it’s you doing the nagging and, again, you are the exception to all of Janet’s rules.
Tim hummed, thinking distractedly how someone as smart as Nicole couldn’t see that Dana’s good heart wasn’t the problem here. Oh well, he needed to be a little more direct.
-And who do you think would be a good match for mom? Someone distant, like dad? Or easily manipulated?
A growling almost came out of Nicole’s mouth. Tim refilled his coffee cup again.
-Neither… those make for good tools, but not partners. Janet needs someone who understands her, who couldn’t judge, who likes her as rotten and twisted as she is.
Should he protest? This was his mother they were talking about. Not that she was wrong, but… still.
Deciding against it, because he needed to get back to work and this conversation was already exhausting, he nodded- Mm, but plenty of people in high society adore her...
-Those fools either don’t know of her true nature, or are too scared of it. None would make for a good life companion.
-So, someone who isn’t scared of her, knows her inside out, isn’t morally upright…
-They should also have similar objectives in life -Nicole interjected, empty cup clattering against the plater when she placed it there-, otherwise Janet might feel the need to remove them to keep them off her way.
-Objectives, like…?
-Staying on top of the food chain of the corporate world, for example. And keeping loved ones safe. Like you, for her.
“And Damian, for you”, he didn’t say. Finally, they seemed to be reaching the end of the discussion. Just a few more lines...
-And they should be strong -she kept on, digging her own grave for Tim’s convenience-, because Janet is, too, which means her enemies are as well, and she needs someone to have her back if she ever needs it.
-I don’t think -he wondered, finger tapping his chin in childlike confusion- that such a person exists. Someone as morally compromised as mom, strong enough to help her achieve her objectives, who knows her and loves her. I never met someone like that… I mean, besides you.
Time seemed to stop for Nicole, who dropped the scon she had halfway through her mouth. Tim knew what having a romantic realization felt like, so he let her deal with it while he finished his coffee. After a few minutes letting her stew, he force a look of curiosity and concern on his face- Aunt Nicole? Are you alright? You went really quiet…
Nicole wasn’t sitting in front of him any longer. Okay, he’ll forgive the rudeness, in the spirit of love and all that. Picking up his phone, he sent Dana a quick text, warning her to make herself scarce.
“Everything going according to plan on my end”
“Ah, okay. I’ll thank Janet for accompanying me, and ask her to just be friends. Then I’ll catch a taxi :) “
“Yeah, let me know once you are back on your house, it’s getting pretty late”
“Aw, you’re such a gentleman. Me and your mom spent all afternoon talking about you, you know. And Nicole”
“You buttered her up to the idea?”
“She seemed to be considering ending this ‘date’ early as well to go looking for her, so I’m guessing I did ;) “
“Thank you again, Dana “
“Make sure they invite me to the wedding, and we’re even!”
“If they don’t elope, that’s it”
“They won’t. That would mean missing the chance to make Uncle Lex miserable by asking him to plan the whole ceremony”
Smiling despite himself, he put his coffee cup down and went back to his desk. Better to get work out of the way before Mom and Nicole came back and informed him of the good news.
Shocked face number three might do.
#Tim Drake#janet drake#Janet Drake au#Nicole Al Ghul (oc)#My writing#lex luthor#dana winters#dana is not involved in the way you'd expect#sexuality and gender identity discussed#janet tries y'all#janet drake is a good mom#misunderstandings#jack dies but we care more about the dog's death tbh
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The Willoughbys Spoiler Review
Kris Pearn disappoints again. After the very mediocre Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, he releases his second major film The Willoughbys. Like Cloudy 2, I thought this looked interesting from the trailer. It had a quirky art style, premise and characters. I was surprised that this wasn't much of a road trip film as the trailer suggested, that was one problem I had with the trailer. The only problem I had with the art was why are some of the characters purple? While this one was a lot more imaginative than Cloudy 2, thankfully... it's still not devoid of much familiarity that drags the film down and can be so weird that it comes off as contrived at times.
The animation, while fine, especially in its unique art style, is excessively over-the-top, reminiscent of a mediocre Sony film (not surprising considering this is the director of Cloudy 2). I think this film should've been a hand-drawn Nickelodeon show since surprisingly, this kind of animation works for shows such as Spongebob Squarepants. The wacky animation was fine back in the 20th century when we had Looney Tunes and Animaniacs cartoons but it's a product of its time now and doesn't work for a CGI animated feature film as technology has gotten better and we now have more realistic and grounded animation.
The story, well... the story is mostly guided by the characters so I'll let them do the explaining. But I'll say this: one thing I don't like about the story was that cop-out ending that you've seen in many other kids films where you think the heroes are about to die but they end up getting rescued for some weird reason. Like, how would you be able to hear soft singing from however far away you are?
Baby Ruth also had an overly zany nature to her that was really annoying and unfunny. I applaud Kris for trying to give a baby personality (that's hard to do without making them talk) but she was just so contrived. Sunny Baudelaire was a better non-talking baby character for still having personality while also feeling like a real human being. Like how is a baby able to survive fire, crawl so fast, jump, and be this all over the place? She should've been a huge, fat, diabetic pig from eating all that candy.
Tim as the main protagonist was obnoxious to the point of causing the melodrama in the film. He and Kris's other character Sequel!Flint Lockwood (and no, I refuse to see that trash of a movie as canon or with the same incarnations of characters) are the worst anti-heroes that I have seen. And it's weird because antiheroes are usually some of the best characters like the other kids for example were better. I can see that Kris tried to complexify him. He has a reason for not trusting the nanny but he was so mean to the nanny, like when she tried to feed him, he was just being mean for no reason. He's a kid so you'd probably expect for him to warm up to his nanny after a little while like the other kids but what does he do? HE CALLS THE ORPHAN SERVICES! They get rid of the nanny but this ends up causing he and his siblings to go to foster care. I don't know how old this character is but considering Jane is probably like 10-12 years old, I'm pretty sure he's like at least 13 and consider his age and the fact that he's a big brother, he should know that he and his siblings need caretakers because they're too young to take care of themselves. That was a moronic and cynical decision of him and it led me to hate the character. The theme of "You Don't Know What You Got Til it's Gone" is an interesting message to send to kids and is different from most other kids films but I've seen it done better in stories such as Conker's Bad Fur Day.
The parents were darkly humorous but they're defining trait is their love for each other. When they're in the room alone, they love, when they freeze in the cold, they love, over the top of a volcano they love, jumping over an acidic lake, they love, taking a shower they love, they love, tying their shoes they love, they love, they love, they love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!! How could you not POSSIBLY take off those lovey-dovey eyes, and worry that you're being taken to all these dangerous locations?
The only characters I liked out of this were Jane, the nanny, and the Lemony Snicket cat.
Jane carries the movie and its themes with her catchy, touching song sung beautifully by Alessia Cara.
The Barnabys had a lot of quirks but their overly zany animation ruined them. Besides, you can't tell which one is which because their personalities are just the same.
The cat reminded me of Lemony Snicket, having some sardonic but also provided some good commentary on the movie while also being part of the cast, which was a nice touch.
Characters like the Nanny and Willy Wonka provided some heart-warming moments for the film but they were kind of a let-down because we really don't see them that much. Especially Willy Wonka. He could've been an interesting character but the kids don't get much of a chance to bond with him throughout the film because we've seen him like once and then they throw him out the window until the end.
What I realize is that this is the same director who made Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 and unfortunately, it doesn't seem like he learned much from the problems of that movie. The over-the-top zany nature, his handling of the tragic hero trope, having few jokes that are actually funny, and contrived storyline are all problems that exist in both of his movies.
The keyword is, I've seen this type of film done a lot better. It's fine for a time-waster especially with this quarantine but I recommend watching something else like Klaus.
The Willoughbys gets a 5.4 out of 10
#the willoughbys#willoughbys#netflix#movie#cartoon#animation#tim willoughby#jane willoughby#spoiler#review
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Mafia au-Part four
Summary: When an unassuming artist saves a man’s life at the shooting at the gallery, he ends up in the midde of the war between two mafias and as he gets dragged deeper into the whole thing, he soon learns the line between the sides and right and wrong blur more than he expected.
Pairings: Luka Modrić/Šime Vrsaljko, Livi/Bruno mentioned
Word Count:
Warnings: mentions of past murder, blood, making out
Notes: Soo it’s finally here, sorry for the delay, online classes started this week and the whole earthquake situation kind of *shook* me(get it? get it? okay, I’ll stop now). As usual big thank you to @lovren-la-vida-luka for editing this. Anyway, enjoy :)
Šime
Šime had a very strong dislike for hospitals, to say the least. The smell of antiseptic, the white, sterile walls, and the general sense of dread they always seemed to give off. His dislike was so strong the word hate was on tip of his tongue whenever he set foot in one, or even thought about it, but he couldn't afford to have such strong feelings about anything in his job.
Deep down, he know that perhaps it was partly because it seemed that every time he walked into one, someone died. And he didn't mean the people he killed. Šime was long past the point when he would regret slitting someone's throat. Especially not someone who wanted to hurt Luka.
He swallowed. The drum of reckless energy was still pulsing through him. The urge to hurt, maim, kill everyone involved in this. He silently vowed that when this was all over, he was going to strangle Luka himself. Why the fuck did he go there – or anywhere, for that matter - without a gun?
He walked casually into the first room he found, unfazed by the way the nurse paled at the sight of him. He could only imagine how he looked, his body and face splattered with blood. He took a gun out, lazily pointing it at her.
"It's in both of our interests that you survive, and that I don't have to use this thing. So, I am looking for a friend. Short, slim, with longish blond hair. Sounds familiar?"
She nodded, and only then did Šime notice that she must have been an intern. Something like regret passed through him, but he pushed it away. Every second longer it takes for him to find Luka is a second spared for someone else to get there first. If the girl was smart, she'd listen to him and it would go smoothly. If not... well. This whole thing couldn't become much messier than it already was.
"Lead the way. If you scream or try to run, I am going to shoot you and show you as an example to the second nurse I'll find to help me. Got it?"
She paled even more, looking like she might faint, but thankfully she didn't. Šime hated hysterical people. They gave him a headache.
"Yes sir. He is in room 206, if I’m thinking of the right person."
Šime signaled her to exit the door. As promised, she quietly led him through the corridor and to the room 206. Šime relaxed a bit, reassured that he wouldn't have to kill her.
She opened the door, and there he was. Luka. Šime's heart squeezed in his chest. The harsh fluorescent light only made him look paler, sicklier. The gauze on his should was soaked with blood, and Šime clenched his fists as he looked at it.
As if he sensed Šime's presence, Luka's eyes blinked open, immediately focusing on him. He blinked once again, and then frowned.
"Well, this is a weird one. You aren't usually covered in blood in my dreams."
Šime took a sharp breath, biting inside of his cheek. Luka's face held such a honest, vulnerable expression it made him wish for impossible things.
It made him wish for a calm breeze on his face from an open window, the smell of coffee in the morning, and being able to just walk through a few rooms to find Luka at any time. To kiss him, right this second, first thing in the morning and any other time he wanted, without having to look over his shoulder.
Šime's insides recoiled as he snapped out of his fantasy, and he mentally slapped himself. What kind of wish is that? He should know better.
"You are not dreaming," he said, trying to make his voice sound as sharp as it did earlier.
He turned to the nurse again.
"Give me the key to this room. And you” - he glanced at Luka - "get dressed. We are leaving."
Šime could feel Luka's burning gaze on the nape of his neck when he turned from him. He didn't have the time to talk to him properly, and it was for the best. For the first time, Šime didn't trust himself to keep his cool. He was one step away from starting a shouting match.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing?! Who are you, and who are your friends, actually? Jesus Christ Ante, you just killed someone!"
By the sound of it, the kid from the gallery shared his sentiment, but not his self restraint. Which was another reason they needed to hurry.
Luka put his torn button-up on, and Šime quietly mourned the loss of it. It was such a nice shirt, and before it was torn and bloodied. it looked amazing on Luka.
The nurse gave him the key and Šime fished out a small bottle from the pocket of his jacket. The nurse swallowed audibly, digging her nails into her palms. Šime smirked, but managed to stifle his laughter.
"Calm down. It's chloroform – but it's not for you. I'm just going to lock you in this room for a bit to buy us some time. Give me some gauze or something to put this on."
She walked over to a first aid box in the corner, never taking her eyes off Šime, and handed held out a thick white dressing without a word. Without breaking the silence, Šime took it with a hint of a smile, and Luka gave him a look. Šime knew that look, it was his "what-the-hell-are-you-doing-now" look. Well, perhaps if Luka didn't consistently prove that his plans sucked, maybe Šime would tell him about his.
Taking the key in one hand and the gauze in another, he exited the room, Luka trailing behind him still looking bemused and more delicate than usual. Šime locked the door behind them, and stared at the key for a moment. Then, after a moment of consideration, he walked over to the first open window he saw and, with a lightning fast flick of the wrist, he threw it.
"Did you just throw the key out of the window?!" Luka asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, Luka, of course not, you must be hallucinating from the blood loss,” Šime replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I actually swallowed the key. Now that's cleared up, let's move."
Luka rolled his eyes but followed him through the corridor. Šime opened the door and slipped inside silently, a skill he had perfected over the years. He braced himself and walked over to the gallery kid, grabbing his shoulder. The boy - or well, the man, he supposed, processing for the first time that he was actually slightly taller and broader than Šime himself - flinched, but Šime didn't ease his grip.
The need for violence burned through him again and he resisted the urge to just knock the kid out with a precise hit on the head. He saved Luka, and that was worth something.
“I am really sorry I have to do this, but we already gained too much attention without you making a scene and shouting Ante's name. Let's hope nobody heard that part.”
And then he pressed the chloroform-soaked gauze to his face. The guy struggled, but it was nothing compared to what Šime was used to, and after a few moments his body went limp in his arms.
Šime didn't miss the way Ante clenched his fists and was obviously resisting the urge to stop him and defend... what was his name again?
“Since you seem so keen on protecting him, you can carry him to the car,” Šime said, almost tossing him towards Ante, who caught him, scowling at Šime.
Šime rolled his eyes.
“And don't think you're getting away without explaining that mess. I am just in a hurry to get out of here. But there will be plenty of time during the ride to the safe house.”
“Safe house?” Luka asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Yes. We can't afford to be potentially followed to the main house. And you-” Šime sharply swept his gaze from Luka's pale face to his injured shoulder, and torn clothes, “need to be somewhere safe. That's the number one priority here.”
With that, Šime turned and walked towards the exit, not checking if they followed him. If they really wanted to die in this stupid hospital, then fine. Šime wasn't about to hang around and join them.
When all three, or, well, technically four, of them finally reached the car, Šime was already nervously glancing around the parking lot. They had been here for way longer than he would have liked.
Livi was waiting for them, of course, his fingers anxiously tapping on the steering wheel. His shoulders relaxed a bit when he caught the sight of Šime, and his eyes widened when he saw Ante carrying someone. Šime should really teach him how to hide his emotions better.
“How do you plan on all of us fitting in car, with Tin unconscious?” Ante asked sharply, but Šime didn't even turned towards him.
“Put him in the trunk, hell, tie him to the roof for all I care. As long as you do it fast.”
He could see the way Ante's jaw clenched and eyes narrowed. Ante was known for his lack of reaction, but for some reason he was slipping... that was the most emotion Šime had seen in his notoriously stony face since he met him five years ago. Interesting.
Šime took the front seat, which left Ante and Luka in the backseat, with Ante arranging... what had Ante called him? Tim? to sit between them, with his head leaning on Ante's shoulder. It looked almost domestic, forcing Šime to bat away his own daydreams once again.
As if he'd read his mind, Luka caught Šime's gaze in rear mirror, his honey eyes trapping him for a moment. Šime pursed his lips, pushing the worry, the anger and everything else back down. There will be time to talk, but it wasn't now.
“Drive. You know the way,” he told Livi flatly, tearing his eyes away from Luka's and looking ahead.
When the car started and they left the parking lot without another incident, Šime turned his gaze towards Ante.
“So... care to enlighten us as to how you and Tim know each? And why he freaked out earlier?”
Ante shifted, turning his eyes to the side window, obviously uncomfortable with Šime's prying. This was nothing new, if they really thought about it no one truly knew anything about Ante, but there was something different about it this time. Instead of cold and indifferent, he seemed... cagey. His look was one Šime had seen dozens of times on the faces of people he was seconds away from forcing a secret out of.
“His name is Tin, with an N, not Tim. And we went to the same high school. But that was in another part of the country. I haven’t seen or heard from him in years, and I genuinely have no idea what he’s doing here.”
Šime shrugged. That really wasn't the part he was concerned about. Tim- Tin - was just at the wrong place and at the wrong time. With too good intentions. Šime glanced to his unconscious face and felt himself warming to him, just a little.
If he wasn't there, Luka would probably be dead.
Šime shook his head, chasing that thought away. He really shouldn't think of that. He couldn't, not if he was to keep up his professional facade while Ante and Livi were around.
"It looked a bit more personal than that to me."
Ante crossed his arms over his chest, and Šime knew he hit a nerve. It was like poking a bear with a stick to get a reaction. Ante was such an enigma because he never talked about anything from the past. But when someone just waltzes in like this... well, things get a little harder to hide.
"Look, while it's great that Tin here saved Luka's life, if you think I will hesitate to put a bullet through his brain if he is the faintest bit suspicious, you are gravely mistaken. So if you want him to live, you better start talking."
Ante swallowed, and Šime let the silence stretch, knowing Ante would break under pressure. If he felt better pretending he actually weighed up both options, Šime wasn't about to break his illusion. But since a big part of his job was to read people and find their weaknesses... he knew he had him the moment he said Tin's name.
"Fine. We used to date. Back in high school. But everything I said is true, I haven’t seen him in years, and he isn't dangerous by any means, I swear. He's just a fucking artist, for God's sake!"
Šime raised his eyebrows.
"That artist of yours knocked out two trained men with guns, without even giving them a chance to fight back. Maybe you want to try that again."
Ante chewed on his bottom lip, deciding how much he could say.
"That's because I trained him in self defense, okay? But there is a reason he didn't try to fight them. If he was any kind of threat, don't you think he would have been able to fight you earlier?"
That was a fair point. To be fair, Šime didn't really think Tin was dangerous, but after all that had happened today, he wasn't about to let any potential threat slide.
"Alright, I trust you, and that means I trust him. But for now, he won't be able to leave the safe house. He saw our faces and until I am certain he won't go straight to the police, he isn't going anywhere."
Ante nodded, but he didn't relax. Šime supposed he was aware he’d be the one responsible for keeping Tin from getting out. Šime glanced to Luka again, the way the setting sun painted his face and hair into red tones and he felt a pang in his heart. He quickly averted his gaze. He definitely wasn't envious of Ante's task.
Livi was quiet during the entire ride, his eyes fixed on the road. Despite the fact that his baby face usually made him seem a few years younger than he was, the look in his eyes was that of a man four times his age.
The rest of the ride was spent in loaded silence, and when the car finally stopped, Livi jumped out as if the thing was about to explode, but Šime stayed in the car a moment longer, just watching the way Ante gently eased Tin out and scooped him up.
Luka would never let him do that, no matter how injured he was. Because his reputation was more important.
No, because he doesn't want anyone to know about you, how he feels about you. Because he doesn't love you. At least not as much as you love him.
Šime grit his teeth and exited the car, making sure he doesn't glance in Luka's direction. He knew Luka would struggle to open the door without jostling his shoulder, but there was nothing he could do. Nothing that Luka wouldn't see as an implication of weakness, anyway.
Ante was already at the door, with Tin in his arms, and Luka wasn't far behind. Livi went to joining them, but Šime stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.
"I am not going to ask you how you knew Luka was going to be in danger, because I keep my word. But if I find out you had something to do with this... believe me, you'll have far bigger problems than Dalić finding out about it. Got it?"
Livi held his gaze, unwavering. Sometimes Šime let himself slip and forget exactly who Livi was, but in moments like this, he would be sharply reminded with perfect clarity of just who he was dealing with... and who raised him.
"Got it. I mean, you were pretty clear. I just find it insulting that you think I would be dumb enough to plan Luka's assassination and then tell you about it beforehand."
Šime snorted, the weight lifting of his shoulders a bit. He was really starting to like Livi. He really didn't want to kill him.
"Okay, you can go see your lover boy now. Ante and I can handle it from here."
Livi gave him an honest smile, and the ancient look in his eyes disappeared for a brief moment. He actually looked 23, young and carefree as he should be. Not that Šime knew anything about that from personal experience.
As he climbed the stairs to the door and made his way to Luka's room, he let his mind wander back, to when he was 16.
The air was crisp and cold, the wind sharply making it's way through people's coats and making them tremble. Šime liked that kind of weather.
It meant people were walking quickly, and paying less attention to their surroundings, eager to get away from the cold. That made his job so much more easier.
Stumbling or colliding into people was his specialty. Supporting them with their right hand a apologizing profusely, making it seemed like an unfortunate accident on his part. A misstep. Nobody ever payed attention to his left hand.
Nobody before Luka.
Šime collided with a short boy with blond hair. He was nothing special from afar - he looked around Šime's age, maybe a few years older but it was hard to be sure, considering his height - but his clothes were nice enough for Šime to try to get his wallet. Or watch. Or both, if he had enough time.
What he didn't expect was for the boy to move frighteningly fast as soon as Šime fished out his wallet, tightly gripping his wrist. Šime's breath caught in his throat. Nobody caught him stealing before.
He stared at the boy, his honey eyes reminding him of the light of a candle. Lighting up a room if used properly, and burning down the entire house if you got too careless.
"I plead not guilty?" Šime whispered, his voice trembling.
The other boy let out a startled laugh, shaking his head a bit. He gave Šime a long, calculating look, before letting go of his wrist.
"Would you like a job? One that could use your... expertise?"
Šime came back to the present, grounding himself with the feeling of a cold steel knob in his hand. He took a deep breath, and opened the door.
Luka was sitting on a chair next to the bed, trying to change his dressing himself. Šime watched him fumble with the gauze for a moment, and then stepped into the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
"Let me," he said, and Luka flinched.
He didn't hear him. That was unusual - Luka was always aware of the smallest sounds and movement. It was a rare occurrence for Šime to sneak up to him even when he tried.
Šime pushed away his worry and stepped closer, slowly, making sure not to make any sudden movements.
"I am not some scared animal," Luka snapped, crossing his arms over his chest and immediately wincing in pain.
Šime didn't answer. He stopped behind Luka, and their eyes met in the mirror. Šime carefully brushed Luka's hair to the left side, so he could take a better look at his injured shoulder.
It was more or less a clean wound, or rather two, where the bullet passed right through the shoulder, but the marks were still startlingly red next to Luka's pale skin.
"No, you are not. But that doesn't mean I can't be careful with you. Really, it says more about me than you."
Luka swallowed and kept quiet and Šime took that as his agreement to change his dressing. He wrapped the bandage in silence, even making a conscious effort not to breathe too loudly in the stillness, and when he was almost finished Luka spoke.
"I got distracted. I should have noticed that man sooner, but I didn't. I got distracted, because of you, and it almost cost me my life."
Šime finished wrapping the gauze and made sure it was secured before taking a step back.
"Then tell me to leave."
"What?" Luka asked, sitting up straighter in the chair.
Šime met his eyes, amber and brown opal clashing.
"Tell me to leave. If I am really such a burden, such a threat to your life - then tell me to leave. I can promise you, I will walk out of that door without another word and you'll never see me again. I won't make this hard on you, if that's what you want, say so and I'm gone."
Luka stared, swallowed. Šime almost caved when he saw his lost, desperate look he gave him.
"You know I can't do that."
Šime closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before opening them again, catching Luka's eyes once again.
"Then ask me to stay. Just... just for God's sake, Luka, make up your mind already. Because I feel like I'm trying to reach for smoke here and as much as it would hurt losing you... I feel like I already am. So just make a choice. For both of our sakes."
Luka turned, opened his mouth and closed it. And then nodded.
"Do I... do I need to make a decision now?"
Everything in Šime wanted to scream: YES! We have been dancing around this for years, how much more time could you possibly need?! Just tell me what you want already!
But he bit his tongue, and smoothed his face into his usual calm, collected facade.
"No, of course not. But you should do it soon. Especially considering…" Šime paused, sweeping his eyes over Luka's shoulder and then back to his face, "…these new developments. I'd imagine things will get quite messy soon."
Luka pursed his lips and nodded once again, and Šime turned on his heel, ready to leave.
"Wait!"
Šime spun back around, finding Luka on his feet now. Before Šime could ask what was wrong, or say anything at all, Luka stepped closer and his lips were on Šime's.
Šime gasped, and Luka got even closer, tangling his hands into Šime's messy curls. His breath was warm in Šime's mouth, and unlike this morning he tasted of blood. Šime chose to ignore that, and kissed him back, hard.
It was as if a dam had been broken, and they couldn't stop kissing each other. Even when they parted for breath, one of them would press smaller, quick kisses to the other's lips. Šime because he wanted to make sure Luka was alive, and breathing and okay, and Luka because he wanted to make sure he didn't waste his chance this time around.
Finally, they stopped, their foreheads leaning against each other, and panting for air. The silence was different now – still charged, but no longer uncomfortable. They didn't have to say anything to understand what the other was thinking.
"I don't want you to leave. But I... I don't know how to do this either. I don't know how to keep you safe, hell, apparently I don't even know how to keep myself safe. And you are putting yourself at a higher risk now, just by being around me."
Šime sighed, playing with a lock of Luka's silky hair as he considered the answer.
"Nobody is promised safety, especially not in our line of business. And we'll figure out the rest. As long as we are together."
Luka opened his mouth to say something else, but before he could, Šime kissed him again. It was a quick, bruising kiss and Šime smiled against Luka's mouth as he gasped.
"You need to get some rest. You almost died. Trust me, I'll find out more about what happened by the time you wake up. Okay?"
Luka still looked uncertain, unused to not doing everything on his own. Even when others did things without him, he knew exactly what they were doing. This required trust. Both Šime and Luka trusted very few people, but they both knew that if this was going to work, they needed to trust each other completely.
"Okay."
Šime kissed Luka's forehead, and left without another word. Right before he closed the door, he glanced back at Luka and found him still standing where he left him, looking right back at him. When Šime closed the door with a soft click, he felt as if he lost something precious.
Which was ridiculous. Wasn't it? Well, it was, until Šime's phone rang.
He didn't have the number saved in his phone - that would be stupid for a multitude of reasons - but he memorized that number long time ago. It usually showed on Luka's phone though, not Šime's.
"Vrsaljko," Šime answered, his voice cold, almost robotic.
The person on the other end of the phone chuckled darkly, and the hairs on Šime's arms stood on end. There was something about that voice that never failed to make Šime shudder and make something cold and heavy settle in his stomach.
"Yes, I am aware. I just heard about Luka's... incident. I assume he is alright, since you answered the call?"
Šime hated the fact the other man knew that, if Luka died, Šime would already be on a killing mission. Šime was very much used to being the reader, not the metaphorical book, and it made him uncomfortable that someone could so effortlessly read even the chapters he made an effort to keep glued shut.
"Yes, he's alive."
"Good. I also presume you don't have any information other than what I heard from Livaković and Rebic?"
Šime's breath caught in his throat. Lying to Dalić was never wise. But hell if Šime was going to break his promise to Livi.
"No."
"I need you to do something for me," Dalić continued, brushing off the previous topic, "now that Luka is injured. I am sure Luka won't be out of action for long, but while he is, you are one of few people I trust to be... discreet."
Shit. This couldn't be good.
Šime knew something was very, very wrong. He knew that Dalić was doing this behind Luka's back for a reason far more important than him being injured, even before he said anything.
"I am listening."
"I need you to arrange a hit for me... I just found out who ordered the shooting at the gallery."
Šime could barely hear anything over the static in his ears. His heart was beating wildly in his chest and the gentleness and suspicion bled out of him. Only rage was left. He gripped the phone tighter, until he thought the screen might crack.
"Who?" he hissed through clenched teeth. He knew that Dalić wasn't the type for dramatic pauses, so the eternal wait for the other man to answer was probably, in reality, a split second. Finally, he spoke.
"Danijel Subašić."
And in that moment, as he remembered stories of Luka's stories from his childhood, and him and Suba saving each other's lives before they join opposite mafias, Šime was certain of one thing. Things would never be the same again.
Taglist:
@morska-vjestica
@hetapeep41
@hvnedge
@incelhugochavez
@wordpuddle
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DAS KABINETTE - “THE CABINET”
I’m always very interested in how we continually pass down elements of culture--memes, if you will, though I use that term with the full academic or scientific sense of it in mind. Why is it that some pieces of popular culture and media are absolutely huge in their own time, but then get forgotten later? Conversely, there are works that weren’t terribly well-received in their own time that become cult classics later, or even beloved parts of what we might call “mainstream culture.” A lot of the time, it seems more or less arbitrary, which is a bit confusing or worrying in my opinion. It seems like it would be ideal, or at least nicer, to live in a world where something resembling objective quality or defensible cultural significance and influence were the metrics by which society collectively decided which works were worthy of “the canon.” But it’s often as minor or petty as an old song getting used in an ad or a trailer, and its creator picking up steam from there to become a household name again.
One such work whose legacy is very interesting to me is the 1919 German silent film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. It’s considered by many to be the “first horror film,” as it tells the tale of a mad doctor who has used esoteric arts to turn a sleepwalker into his personal hitman of sorts, selecting innocent victims for him to murder from an early example of the “creepy carnival” trope. The story is a bit on the silly side I suppose, but the film certainly remains a deeply compelling aesthetic experience. Steeped in the melancholic sturm und drang of the German Expressionist art movement, Caligari creates a warped and twisted landscape of crooked houses and pulsating rooftops. In one of the first extensive uses of the “close-up” shot in the history of film, the chilling visage of the monstrous, emaciated somnambulist Cesare awakens before us, with black-ringed eyes carved deep into a ghostly white face.
If that look sounds a little familiar, that’s because a lot of the aesthetics of what we call “Goth” can more or less be traced back directly to Caligari. In the works of Tim Burton, Robert Smith, Jhonen Vasquez, and many other such darlings, the influence of this film runs deep. I mean, that’s interesting and all, but I find it even more interesting that through all this time, the name and specific identity of this film have managed to survive with a vigorous persistence that’s seemingly unmatched. I can think of few other works of popular media this old that have remained anywhere near as recognizable and fondly remembered, aside from the obvious Metropolis.
The early 20th Century, and I think especially the “inter-war period” between the World Wars, is a really fascinating time. It’s sort of what I specialized in when I studied (visual) art history. In a lot of ways, it really was the genesis of many things we think of as “modern” today, from ironic meta-art that insults viewers instead of pleasing and titillating them, to surgeries that help trans people feel more at home in their bodies. And, of course, slasher flicks. I really do think that art and media of this time feel more modern than you might otherwise think, and that that’s a big part of the continuing appeal.
Whether this minimal wave track would sound at home as part of a new score for the film or not, I’m a little uncertain. It’s got a positively throbbing, intense synth hook that certainly creates a sense of excitement, and perhaps a little unease, which is amplified by some filtered vocals that sound suitably menacing. Actually, the treatment makes me wonder if they intended for it to sound like it’s coming from an old, somewhat decrepit recording, a little like a decaying, early film. Perhaps if they had added a little more panning or syncopation it might have sounded more “asymmetrical” to match the visuals of the film...
At any rate, it’s deeply interesting to me that Caligari has been so lovingly remembered, remixed, and reimagined by so many successive generations of artists, dreamers, and dark creatures of the night. It’s hard to imagine a more illustrious legacy for any work of art in any medium.
#das kabinette#the cabinet of doctor caligari#the cabinet of dr. caligari#silent film#german expressionism#expressionism#music#minimal wave#darkwave#dark wave#goth
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Reviewing time for MAG155~~
- It was a very interesting experience because… in the end, what was the thing that made me/us collectively disgusted by the statement-giver? Is there a way we could have felt a bit of sympathy or pity towards her? How come that she felt as loathable (or more) as the spooks gleefully killing for fun that we’ve met before? Why did I absolutely lack any empathy towards her even before she officialised that she had to kill people to stay alive and exactly whom she had indeed killed (the doctor trying to save her life, a helpless old woman, a young homeless man, a baby…)?
I think that in this statement, it mostly came down to the lack of regret and shame, and the hypocrisy regarding Tova’s motivations and her targets of choice: yes, fearing death and sacrificing people to keep living would be understandable as a human trait (and obviously not justifiable), but what made Tova mostly insufferable was how she kept presenting herself as a Good Person all through it, and how her story may be revealing that her so-called “philanthropy” was mostly… empty and only for show. Her “charitable” actions were never really about improving people’s lives or seeing the poor as people who deserved better, but about positioning herself at the centre of things, to think of herself as someone Better and Worth More, while poor or marginalised people were just presented as… things that needed her help, but not mattering much in the grand scheme of things, to the point that she ended up specifically targeting the people who she claimed needed her help (almost presenting it as if they owed their lives to her in the first place)?
(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. We were on the verge of closing a deal that would provide fresh water to impoverished communities in a dozen developing countries; without me, it would fall through…! So I kept moving, senses attuned to what I needed – and I found her, sitting in a park, all on her own. An old woman, frail and shivering, staring out at the ducks over the water, empty bread bag by her side. If only I could’ve explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed…! But I couldn’t talk to her. And I needed to live. […] This time, I sought out a homeless man. Young and strong, though his life was clearly over as he tried to destroy himself through drinking. […] It’s… strange, the maths you do of it all. A full life ahead of it, but… aside from the devastated parents, no real harm to the world as a whole. No good works left unfinished. It was a baby born to poverty, one whose life I thought would… bring it pain. […] I’m 40 now, and I have taken the life of beloved mothers, respected professionals, pillars of the community. But I have done so much good with my life…! I’ve reached further, helped more people than they ever could have!”
And if the point was to spread the fear of Death: the most obvious target should have been someone famous, but as that pretty often comes with wealthiness… it just didn’t seem to cross her mind to target someone from her own social group or higher, I’m guessing?
Tova was so obsessed with appearances, with being acknowledged as “necessary”, with being credited for her ~good deeds~? You would like to hear some honesty from a serial killer, and she didn’t sound like she was providing any because she was still clinging to the image she was constructing for show. What pushed her to give a statement in a first place? Usually, statement-givers had been people screaming for help, or depositing their story because no-one would understand, or people delivering a message through their statements… but it felt like Tova was mostly doing it because she was trying to defend herself against the perception that people could have had of her?
(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “You’ve got to understand: I have so much to live for. Oh, okay, that’s not quite it; I know most people have plenty to live for, but what I mean is that my life does good…! I put a lot into the world. Did you read about that homelessness initiative, that got 8000 people into shelters – that was me! […] And that’s not money from some trust fund…! I mean, sure, my parents loaned me the money to start, but I built my business up from the ground, and we now provide jobs for almost 700 people….! And I know that everyone’s life has value, but I just… need to be clear that my impact on the world is a positive one. My existence does a lot of good. And that’s only gotten more true since all this started; I’ve given more, spent more time on charitable stuff, and… helped more people…! Sorry, I’m just… aware of how this story makes me look. And I don’t want you to think I’m some… selfish monster grinding people up just to extend my own ghoulish life. I’m trying to do good…!”
It’s also interesting how it was a very self-centred statement (lots of “I”s, the insistence that what had happened to her wasn’t “fair” while, hum, her victims could have said the same about what she did to them) and, yet, all of Tova’s reasonings and her entire life felt artificial? For example, it would still have felt wrong if she had wanted to survive because she didn’t want to give up her life and her husband; but no, he was just… summed up in two lines, and felt like an impersonal cardboard standee (“So, when I had an epileptic seizure, the first one of my entire life, the month before my wedding, that wasn’t fair…! […] having my first attack at the top of a staircase, five weeks before the happiest day of my life, that’s just… not fair! […] The church was magnificent, the reception the most fun I’d had in years, and Daven was exactly the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. […] There was no one else around: Daven was on a business trip and I was alone in the house.”). They were still married by the time she gave her statement, I guess? But we didn’t know, and it didn’t feel at all like he truly mattered much to her.
Also, I DO NOT LIKE THIS and/or really hope it’s just how The End feels when it goes for specific people:
(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “But more likely, I thought it would be nothing. No “heaven”, or “hell”, no thought or sensation, just… nothing! You wouldn’t even notice you were gone. But it wasn’t like that at all. I don’t know if I have… words, for it. How can you describe being aware of the absence of everything? Life. Light. Warmth. It was very dark. And very cold. It dawned on me that this might be my existence… forever, there, beyond time, and I tried so desperately to scream, but… I had no lungs or throat in that dreadful place. I couldn’t even cry. […] Again, I found myself in that dark, cold place; and this time, I simply waited, hoping against hope that this time, it wouldn’t be forever. […] Surely, it would see me through to the time I was actually meant to die; that I could go… peacefully into oblivion, not trapped in that… dreadful darkness.”
Because Tim is having a LOVELY kayaking trip and is not stuck in a dark, cold, empty place, thank you very much :|
- So wow, once again, the whole statement felt like it was coming for Jon’s throat re: choosing to feed, still presenting yourself as The Victim when you’re pushed to hurt others in order to survive, the fact that it’s never the right time to die, not wanting to do something or to be responsible for something and doing it anyway.
(MAG155, Tova McHugh) “So, when I had an epileptic seizure, the first one of my entire life, the month before my wedding, that wasn’t fair…! […] Did I have to do it again? The idea… appalled me to my core, but it seemed the only explanation. I had to live, I couldn’t die, not then. […] If only I could’ve explained it to her, I’m sure she would have understood. She might even have agreed…! But I couldn’t talk to her. And I needed to live. […] I made a decision. One I am… deeply ashamed of, but I honestly thought it was for the best. I couldn’t keep living like that in the shadow of death – of what I had to do to keep going. “One sacrifice,” I thought. […] Surely, this would be enough. Surely, it would see me through to the time I was actually meant to die […] I’m not saying how I live is right, or good… but it is the position I have been put in, and a decision I have to make. I never wanted to weigh up the value of a life, to set it on the scales against my own. But that’s a choice that I am forced into. And it is one I will continue to make.”
At least, Jon strongly reacted to that – although he’s still exploring and… waiting, without any answer.
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve been reading nothing but these old, [FLAPPING PAPER] dry statements for so long, I… [PAPER RUSTLING] I feel weak. Like I’m… fading away. Do I restrain myself, keep my appetite in check, even at the cost of my life? Or do I try to rationalise what I am, like… Ms. McHugh? I find myself… hating her, her… callous self-deception. But am I so different…? Daisy’s chosen to resist in her own way, knowing full well it might take her life in the end; Melanie too. I… respect them for it, but I… I don’t know if I can follow their path. I suppose I have a way out, now. One that… wouldn’t even kill me – at least, I hope not. And yet, here I am still… Am I a coward? I just… What if they need me? What if.
Still under withdrawal, as long as it can last, but not exactly firm about the necessity of it at the same time.
(And also: sob that Tova’s “I made a decision.” reminded me of Jon’s own “I’m making a decision. I trust them. All of them.” from MAG117 ;;)
- I do love how a few episodes ago, Jon was Very Intensely claiming that no, he didn’t want to philosophise:
(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: And how can I tell, I suppose? My job is to view people at their lowest, their most fearful and unstable moments. Perhaps there is less change there than I imagine. Certainly… I don’t feel different; I have no desire for pseudo-religious philosophising or… delighting in the suffering of those I harm. … Then again, I suppose I’m hardly in the best position to judge.
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: … What is the value of a life? Is it something that can be quantified, put down as “numbers”, “good deeds”, “bad”? And when your life, your existence, is at the cost of doing harm, what then? I’ve… [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve saved the world…! The whole world! Does that… give me the right to… [SIGH] take what I need to survive…?
… And listen to him now, going for cliché Existential Questions from the get-go. At the same time, not very surprising from Jonathan “I’ve been quit from smoking for five years (which is why I had cigarettes on me)” Sims, it’s just your Typical Jon In Action.
(At the same, kind of worrying that if he goes for philosophising now, he could as well go for ~delighting in the sufferings of those [he] harms~, because what’s left, really?)
I’m still questioning heavily, though, what has been pushing Jon towards this or that statement lately. We know that for Eric’s tape, he purposefully picked one that he was prone to ignore, and identified that resistance as Beholding’s influence. What about the written statements? Since Annabelle’s taunt, we got a demonstration of Beholding being all-powerful (MAG148), hey-hey-hey-the-power-of-“I-love-you”-could-save-someone-from-The-Lonely / “gay love says f*ck The Lonely” (MAG150), Embracing Your Patron Makes You Feel Better (MAG152), You’re Never “Too Smart” To Avoid A Cult And Also Not Embracing A Fear Makes You Feel Miserable and Alone (MAG153); bonus, for all of them, the fact that the Fear(s) at work were quite blatantly sneaking in through people’s own weaknesses, at a time they were vulnerable (was it an invitation to focus on that part of himself…?). MAG155 was once again about an avatar embracing their path, although with a lot of hypocrisy and… technically not a lot of love for their patron. The comparison was very obviously unflattering for Jon (Tova McHugh insisting that what happened to her wasn’t earned, that it wasn’t her time to die, that she was Necessary, refusing to die even at the costs of other people, agreeing that some of her trials and errors were cruel, while still… accepting what she did as fair, and not planning to stop, and not feeling guilty for it), and while a lot of the recent statements sound like Jon’s Life, the question is still open: is it Beholding pushing Jon towards specific statements? Annabelle, to roast Jon utterly? Or is it Jon being drawn to statements that match his own feelings and interrogations?
- … there was SUCH a cruel edge in Jon’s words and snappiness:
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Earlier, when she was still out of it, I, uh… I “saw” some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did, while she was police. I’m not convinced I disagree with her assessment. [PAUSE] Do you want me to tell you?
BASIRA: No. No, I don’t.
It’s what Elias would have threatened to do?! Bad, Jon, bad D: (His tone really changes depending on who he’s talking to? There are so many silences and so much dryness with Basira, while he was frantic with Martin, tends to be very soft with Daisy, and careful and awkward with Melanie…)
- Uhoh… So Melanie is quitting-for-real, Daisy is dying, and Basira is apparently going looking both Julia&Trevor and Annabelle through London. The assistants were supposed to check on him:
(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: We’re… all well aware that with Peter Lukas in charge of the Institute, it’s a very real danger to all of us. We are trying. Daisy, Basira and I, we don’t leave the Institute much anymore – so we do spend a lot of time together. It’s not that easy, though. When everyone has so many walls, so many defences… [SIGH] sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re in the same room. … But it’s better than the alternative. And at least none of us is suffering alone.
(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: Yes, no, I know, I’m sorry, uh– that didn’t… come out right. Honestly: thank you. [EXHALE] It’s been hell, but… I–I did need to hear it.
MARTIN: Oh, hum… Uh, g–good. Heh. Are the others… helping?
ARCHIVIST: Oh! [DRY CHUCKLE] They’ve been keeping a… very close eye on me…!
… but who will do that from now on? It really doesn’t feel like, logistically, Jon is currently being kept under surveillance? ;;
- ONE GOOD THING IN THE WORLD: the fact that Jon told the assistants quickly about that way of escaping!!
(MAG155) MELANIE: [INHALE] Thanks for… telling me, by the way. [INHALE] I–it didn’t look like it was easy for you.
ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE] I–i–it wasn’t. I don’t think, uh… I don’t think “it” wants to lose anyone, but I thought… you of all people deserve the option.
It could go badly in many ways, but at least, he told them – unlike Gertrude, and unlike what Martin seemed to imply/assume…? So both fighting Beholding and refusing to follow Gertrude’s footsteps here.
Though yeah, Jon admitted that he wasn’t ready to do it himself. But the option that Melanie is going for does highlight that… there is a choice. And one of the Assistants is taking that option – if they don’t follow her example, it just means that, yeah, they’re making an implicit choice to stay, too.
(- Re:Gertrude, I didn’t really have time to ponder about it last week… but what if she did end up gouging out her own eyes, hence the blood in her office and the discrepancy between her two dates of death in March/May 2015? Because if it works to cut the connection to Beholding (I don’t think that Gertrude was as deep in as Jon currently is), then… maybe Elias wasn’t feeling her anymore, until he learned that she was still alive in May 2015…? He “assumed” she was dead the same way that Gertrude “assumed” that Eric had been killed by Mary:
(MAG154) ERIC: … Gertrude, I left the Archives months before she killed me.
GERTRUDE: What?! No, that’s… that’s not possible. […] You… I’m sorry – you “quit”?
ERIC: Yeah! I figured out how.
GERTRUDE: I… I just assum– … How?
(MAG040) ELIAS: On the 15th of March last year, I had a query about a statement one of our researchers was after and went down to the Archives. Gertrude wasn’t there, but her desk was covered in blood. I, I called the police, and there was a huge search, but… there was no sign of Gertrude, alive or dead. She didn’t have any assistants, so there were no witnesses, and no-one saw or heard anything. The police tested the blood and confirmed the DNA matched to Gertrude, though I don’t know why they had her on file. They judged there to be almost a gallon of blood spilled, far more than the human body can lose and survive so, I assumed she was dead and left the investigation to the police, for all that good it did me.
… Counter-point, though: Gertrude recorded MAG087’s statement in April 2015, and it was a written one – so she could still see and/or there was Beholding magic allowing her to read though the statement without physically reading it, and both are not compatible with the idea that sacrificing your eyesight would cut your ties to Beholding…)
- It’s the second time recently (and the third this season) that Jon summarised The Unknowing as that time ~he saved the world~ and still no Tim mention although he squeezed the detonator :|
(MAG126) ARCHIVIST: … I remembered Gertrude’s notebook; we found it alongside the plastic explosives, but it rather got lost amongst the business of… [SIGH] saving the world at the cost of two lives…
(MAG150) MELANIE: Helping it out… even in small ways, i–is in some way… evil too! Every time we try to use it to do good, it just seems to make everything worse, and… and I will not be a part of that anymore.
ARCHIVIST: What about The Unknowing? We, we saved the world!
MELANIE: Did we? I… I mean, I–I think it was the right thing to do, but how many people were killed to do it? We, we weren’t even a neutral party; we did it as agents of The Eye, because Elias told us to.
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve… [DRY CHUCKLE] I’ve saved the world…! The whole world!
(Also, “saved the whole world”: as opposed to what, Jon. Half of the world? … Alright, with Tova’s statement in mind and the idea that ~uwu I’m only taking one life now and then but meanwhile I’m doing so much good!~, that’s fair.)
- I’m a bit ? regarding one of Jon’s comments in passing:
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I’ve been reading nothing but these old, [FLAPPING PAPER] dry statements for so long, I… [PAPER RUSTLING] I feel weak. Like I’m… fading away.
Because Annabelle had suggested that no, Jon hasn’t been able to read statements “silently” lately:
(MAG147, Annabelle Cane) “But think about it, Jon: when’s the last time you were able to read a statement quietly to yourself without instinctively hitting record and speaking it aloud? It is just instinct? Habit? Or is it a compulsion – a string pulled by the Ceaseless Watcher or the Mother of Puppets? Or both?”
And we can’t really say that Jon has stuck to old statements for soooooo loooooong – it’s been what, starting with MAG146 since Manuela’s live-statement (MAG144’s was read by Martin, MAG145 was one of Gertrude’s tapes), and Annabelle left her written statement fresh from the day in MAG147, so… Jon recorded five “old” statements since he was put on withdrawal. That’s… not a lot?
So, what is happening? I already felt that Annabelle might be misleading and over-exaggerating to mess with Jon, because Jon had provided some follow-up right after recording a few statements lately (such as with Eugene in MAG139: there was no static after his reading, and Jon still described the steel plant’s website, so… he had done his research before recording). At the same time, the cases of Jon’s victims demonstrated that the tape recorders hadn’t been recording everything spooky around Jon (the tape recorder only bothered with Floyd) – could it be the same with written statements lately…? Has Jon begun to read some aloud without us hearing them because the tape recorders aren’t clicking on…? If so, what would set apart the statements we heard as “important” enough to get recorded? With Floyd, we could make the argument that it was about Salesa – a well-known figure whose disappearance had long been (and is still) shrouded in mystery – while Jon’s other victims seemed to have been attacked by spooks not belonging to “our” recurring figures. But the statements Jon read which were recorded lately… didn’t deal with recurring figures either. Or are the tape recorders clicking on more or less weekly because, as Jon had put it in MAG123, they’re (independently from Jon) “hungry” too?
Alternative take (and, quite honestly, the one I’m digging the most): Jon Is Over-Exaggerating Again, You Stupid Idiotic Drama King. It’s just been five statements, but naaah, for Jon, it means that he’s been stuck with these old statements ~for so long~, because Jon Is Like That.
- Re: Jon Being Like That, another thing is that, during this scene:
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Not like there’s any shortage of places to lay low.
BASIRA: Hm. London is what, 600 square miles?
ARCHIVIST: 607.
BASIRA: [SIGH] Whatever.
… there wasn’t any static. On the one hand, it could be that the tape recorders are not reacting as much as they used to when Jon knows random stuff, or Jon has been Knowing… a lot of information lately and his actual acquisition of this Knowledge happened before this. On the other hand: I think it’s safe to assume that Jonathan Smartass Sims is JUST LIKE THAT and already knew about London’s exact total area, learning it through regular means years ago. It just screams “stupid precise details that Jon would know”.
This is probably why people already wanted to punch you when you were in uni, Jon…
- Something that has been very regular all through this season: Jon Knowing (with a flourish of static) who is going to enter his office before they do.
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: I just… What if they need me? What if.
[SILENCE]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[STATIC]
ARCHIVIST: Oh. Come in, Melanie…! [DOOR OPENS]
I want to get cautious about that point, because thinking it over, I’m assuming that that is what is happening – Jon is talking, then we hear static, Jon stops and realises something, then invites whoever to “come in” – but technically, could it also be something else…? The tape recorders not reacting to Jon’s Knowing, but to another presence coming closer, every time?
(The idea that it’s a Knowing makes sense, but it’s been so regular, and… almost ritualistic? We got a scene like this every two Jon episodes. Why does Jon Know, every time, who is on the verge of entering his office, and almost every time when someone is close to his door (it wasn’t the case this episode, Melanie had the time to knock, and only then did Jon Know who it was)? Is it because he feels threatened by the outside world? Is it because he’s so connected with the Archives that he’s especially sensitive to when people are approaching? Is it because of his complicated relationship with doors – with his inner “door”, as described in MAG127, adding a few more issues because what’s behind is threatening to “drown” him?)
- When it comes to static… Since Basira asked about that moment, I’m thinking back about Jon’s call to Daisy in MAG153:
(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: This, well… The Corruption at work, if I had to guess, though with unsettling echoes of a… “Fleshliness”. I suppose– [STATIC RISING] … Wait… OH…! Uh… [CLEARS THROAT] [STATIC FADING] [BREATHES FASTER] [RUFFLING OF CLOTHES] [CHAIR SCRAPING] [DIALLING TONES] Yeah, uh, I think, hum, I think you should probably get down here–
(MAG155) BASIRA: Why did you call her, and not me?
ARCHIVIST: Honestly, I panicked. Her name came up first on my phone.
And I wonder. It would be well-contained enough for Basira to ask Jon why he had called Daisy because she’s… a bit hurt, or at least realising that the fact that Jon’s instinct to call Daisy and not her meant a lot: that Daisy is a safe option, that Jon wants to rely on her, while Basira, because she kept snapping at Jon and didn’t show him any tenderness, wouldn’t be the person Jon would turn towards – and it would be enough to hurt Basira deeply when, indeed, she’s been cold and calculative since The Unknowing precisely because she wanted to be in control of the situation, and was dead-set on being the only reliable person around.
But… it’s true that when Jon made that call, there had been static right before. We know that there are influences at work: Beholding has been influencing Jon, Annabelle claimed to not “control” Jon but clearly showed that she could exert some influence, and we still don’t officially know what was the thing which made Martin stash tape recorders around the coffin to allow Jon to get out, but it was clear that it wasn’t only Martin’s idea. Could it be that Jon’s call to Daisy had been influenced, too…? And if so, why…? Because she was supposed to defend Jon? Because it was to tempt her to follow the call of The Hunt again, by putting her in contact with other predators…?
- Whether it had been a spooky influence or not… I’m now sad for Basira? Because it makes sense, on its own, that Jon wouldn’t have called her for help; but at the same time, Basira had been the “closest” to Jon all through season 4. She went to the hospital instead of Melanie, when Georgie called; she was the one who updated Jon on what had happened during his absence, then on Melanie’s condition when Melanie was free from the bullet but absolutely devastated. They went to Ny-Ålesund together and, although I was really fearing that Basira was planning to throw Jon under the bus there, when faced with an actual danger, it turned out that… Basira preferred to leave the Dark Sun alone rather than seeing Jon risk his life. Basira has made many mistakes this season, she tried to be the cold, emotionless, all-rational person who could get them all out alive. And she utterly failed: she cut herself off from Daisy for a while because Daisy was “dead weight” in her current state, and she damaged the friendly relationship she used to have with Jon.
- Jon haaaad a point when he threw in Basira’s face her hypocrisy re:Daisy’s past actions, because… we indeed knew she was a violent cop, and not only with spooks (Daisy hadn’t hidden it in MAG061); and although she was assuming that Daisy was “only killing monsters”:
(MAG091) DAISY: You been following me, Basira?
BASIRA: Didn’t need to. I know what you do here.
ARCHIVIST: [SHAKY BREATHING]
DAISY: He tell you?
BASIRA: He didn’t need to. You’re not that subtle. But I… I always thought you just killed monsters.
ARCHVISIT: [HIGH-PITCHED CRY]
DAISY: I do.
… it was still extra-judicial murders, committed by a member of the police. And Basira was fine with that. Basira, who was also disgusted when one of her colleagues’ death was rewritten to present him as a crooked cop (MAG075). Her sense of fairness/justice has always been very biased, Daisy Being Her Personal Bias, and it keeps showing in the way she still tries to defend Daisy’s actions as something Daisy wasn’t responsible for:
(MAG146) BASIRA: You’re a danger, Jon. A monster. You’re hurting innocent people.
ARCHIVIST: So did Daisy…!
BASIRA: Shut up! It’s not the same thing at all.
DAISY: Basira… [EXHALE] He has a point.
BASIRA: You didn’t know what you were doing!
DAISY: [SIGH]
BASIRA: And since you did, you’ve spent every waking hour resisting. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
(MAG155) BASIRA: And if she doesn’t, she might die.
ARCHIVIST: Something you’re fine with in certain other cases. And something she’s made peace with.
BASIRA: Because of the guilt she feels over the stuff The Hunt made her do…! It’s not her fault.
ARCHIVIST: Earlier, when she was still out of it, I, uh… I “saw” some of the things she was talking about, some of the things she did, while she was police. I’m not convinced I disagree with her assessment. [PAUSE] Do you want me to tell you?
BASIRA: No. No, I don’t.
ARCHIVIST: … You knew, didn’t you? You knew the sort of things she did, and you let her.
BASIRA: No, not exactly. I thought… [PAUSE] It’s not that simple.
ARCHIVIST: It never is. But that doesn’t make it okay.
(Aouch, given how it is answering Jon’s protest from a few episodes:
(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: It’s not that simple…!
BASIRA: No, it is. Or I put you down.
[SILENCE]
ARCHIVIST: … That’s… I mean, that’s hardly…
BASIRA: Daisy has been managing.
ARCHIVIST: Daisy is… [PAUSE] [SIGH] Yeah. She’s managing.
Still, Jon, even if it’s to throw it in Basira’s face, that was a bit harsh for Daisy, although. Yeah. Fair. … ;; I wonder what he saw, exactly…)
Jon went through that phase a bit, too (because it felt better to think that Daisy wasn’t responsible nor to be held accountable for her past actions, since… it would have meant that he wasn’t either), and it’s really poignant how Daisy was able to stay firm with both of them (and Martin), repeating again and again that no, it was her doing:
(MAG132) DAISY: I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. […] [PANTS] Y–you know what I thought wh–when I woke up here? I thought this was hell; I wa–, I was dead, and within hell. And I… eh, I–I knew I deserved it…
(MAG142) DAISY: [INHALE] I’m sorry, Martin.
MARTIN: It’s alright. Wasn’t you. [INHALE] Not really.
DAISY: No, it was. I hate… a lot of what I did back then; doesn’t mean I’m not… responsible for it, doesn’t mean it… wasn’t me.
(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: But it– … What if it kills you?
DAISY: [CHORTLE] Always said I was dedicated to justice…!
ARCHIVIST: Daisy! It’s not… You can’t think like that.
DAISY: Jon. Do you have any idea how much damage you can do if you’re a police officer who wants to hurt people? How much the system will protect you? [SHARP INHALE FROM JON] I managed to keep most of it from Basira, but…
ARCHIVIST: That wasn’t you, that was The Hunt!
DAISY: … [SIGH] We were the same.
[SILENCE]
ARCHIVIST: … You’d never known anything different.
[SILENCE]
DAISY: Because I never wanted to. All that time trapped was good for one thing: thinking. And I did a lot of it. I’ve made my choice.
(It’s also, hum. A bit sad for Jon, by comparison? Because Basira is dead set on defending Daisy, but Jon doesn’t have a “personal Basira” at the moment. Which is probably better, because he isn’t enabled or excused (I’m GLAD that Martin didn’t throw himself into Jon Apologism), but also, aouch, Jon sounds even more alone and isolated somehow.)
- They keep going back to the “people change”, “we (have) change(d)” but in itself, it. doesn’t mean a lot…? Are they improving, bettering themselves, learning from their mistakes? Are they worsening, spiralling, losing sight of other people’s feelings and well-being? In Daisy’s case, I feel like, indeed, she changed for a better version of herself, as she wanted (at least, she stopped doing harm, and she’s holding to it, and she’s tried to take care of Jon a bit, and to act as a bridge between Martin and the others…):
(MAG132) DAISY: But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better… […] I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice…
ARCHIVIST: One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice. Even if it doesn’t feel like one.
Same for Melanie, who developed splendidly; … but meanwhile, Martin, Basira and Jon are… not exactly changing for the best so far? (;; It hurts especially with Jon, since I had really felt like he was changing for the better in season 3… And right now, uh. Except for the part where he’s sticking to trusting the others (… although not enough to tell them re: his victims, apparently), it feels like he’s undone a lot of his previous progress…)
- ANYWAY, YOU HAVE YOUR BIAS BASIRA, BUT BAD, BAD:
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: How’s Daisy?
[SILENCE]
BASIRA: I don’t know. She’s recovered from your little… “confrontation”, but she’s still getting weaker.
ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]
BASIRA: I’m worried she’s–
ARCHIVIST: Yeah.
[…] BASIRA: I’m trying to convince her to go after them. To, er… “Hunt” them.
ARCHIVIST: Why?
BASIRA: Because I’m not going to lose her.
ARCHIVIST: She goes Hunting again, you might anyway.
BASIRA: And if she doesn’t, she might die.
Gooooods I feel so sorry for Daisy… The way she’s described, she felt to me like a wounded animal who has taken shelter in an isolated corner and is mostly waiting for death to snatch her up and release her…? And meanwhile, Basira is encouraging her to lose herself, to give up and give herself to The Hunt she absolutely wanted to quit… I do understand Basira’s position; she lived through “Daisy dying” once and she doesn’t want to experience that again… just like Martin regarding Jon:
(MAG129) ARCHIVIST: … What happened, Martin?
[SILENCE]
MARTIN: You died.
ARCHIVIST: I came back.
MARTIN: Yeah. [OPENS DOOR] I’m not gonna let it happen again.
ARCHIVIST: … wait… Wait! W– [DOOR CLOSES] [SIGH]
(MAG133) ARCHIVIST: You’re not happy she is back.
BASIRA: I didn’t say that, Jon. I would never abandon Daisy and, having her back is… [SIGH] But right now, she’s dead weight. And I need to be able to travel light.
… But still. Season 4’s mood is feeling so sad for Daisy…
There is also the fact that Melanie is leaving and… I’m so glad for Melanie!! It’s what she deserved!! (Although she didn’t deserve what she had to do to be able to quit.) But I’m sad for Daisy given how it had felt like Daisy&Melanie had grown a bit closer, this season, compared to uuuh, their indifferent/rocky start in season 3:
(MAG112) DAISY: Couldn’t find Tim, but he’s gone with Martin and… the other one.
BASIRA: Melanie.
DAISY: Sure.
(MAG136) MELANIE: Well… uhm. Daisy’s been, erm… I’ve been keeping her company. Er, while… while Basira’s busy. She’s, er…
ARCHIVIST: Oh, no, I, uh… I–I know.
MELANIE: W–well, I’ve kind of got to… uhm. I’ve got somewhere to be. Do you mind if, if… she hangs around, with… […] [IN THE DISTANCE] Hum, yeah, he’s, he’s fine with it. So…
[RUFFLING OF CLOTHES] [BREATHES]
DAISY: Alright?
(MAG142) MARTIN: … Are you alright?
DAISY: Yeah. Just a… a bit empty around here. You know?
MARTIN: Not really.
DAISY: Melanie’s out, and… [EXHALE] Jon and Basira’re still off.
(MAG146) ARCHIVIST: … So we’re going with her.
DAISY: [SIGH] Come on, Mel. I’ll see if I’ve got a stab vest in your size.
MELANIE: … Yeah. Sure.
(MAG147) DAISY: Here, Mel.
MELANIE: What even are these? […] [INHALE] Uh, and… and, please, don’t… call me “Mel”.
DAISY: What? Since when?
MELANIE: Always. I’m… [SIGH] trying to be more… o–open about this… stuff.
DAISY: Roger Wilco, Miss King.
MELANIE: Mm! Better.
(MAG151) MELANIE: … Look, I… didn’t come here for a fight. I… just wanted to let you know what was going on. If you need me, I’ll be trying to get Daisy drunk.
It feels like Daisy is losing another “anchor” with Melanie’s departure…?
- Meanwhile, REALLY, Basira sounds very Hunt-y this season, uh? She had been running after leads, she had already managed to find and corner Martin, and she’s still at it:
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Any luck?
BASIRA: No. If they’re still around, they’re staying hidden.
ARCHIVIST: Not like there’s any shortage of places to lay low. […] [INHALE] So, I guess we’ll want to look out for a pair of homeless serial killers now…! I’ll add it to the list.
BASIRA: No sign of Annabelle either.
ARCHIVIST: You’re still on that?
BASIRA: You’re not?
ARCHIVIST: … I–I mean, I don’t know how much she can predict or manipulate the future, but I think she’s proven she can at least avoid us finding her.
BASIRA: Yeah, well. It makes me feel better.
ARCHIVIST: I suppose that’s something.
I’m absolutely worried that she’s STILL TRYING TO FIND ANNABELLE… Because Elias had ~advised~ her to not get involved with The Web. And. Uh. Elias’s advice in the series tends to be a tiny bit prophetic.
(MAG037) MARTIN: Sorry… Look, Jon, I do think we should destroy the table, though. I mean, if it’s the one from Amy Patel’s statement. Just in case.
ARCHIVIST: Elias told me the same thing. Luckily, he phrased it as advice rather than an instruction, so for now I’m more inclined to keep studying it. We’re not in the business of destroying knowledge.
(MAG117) ELIAS: Oh, and, Jon: technically, I can’t stop you, but I would heavily advise against bringing any… rogue… elements.
MARTIN: You can just say Tim.
ARCHIVIST: I will take it under advisement.
(MAG148) BASIRA: Or that we were being stalked by some freaky spider woman. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about that!
ELIAS: Ah, uh, y–yes… W–well… To be honest, I’d… advise you to leave that one – well alone.
BASIRA: Oh yeah?
ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…!
… I’m beginning to expect that if something ends up getting Basira… it will be because she went after Annabelle ORZ ORZ ORZ (And how ironic would it be, given how Basira so desperately tried to keep or regain some control this season…?)
- Okay, Melanie time: I’m so glad she’s jumping on that opportunity, that this season had been her time to find herself again and to take actions that would match her beliefs. She had already “abandoned” Beholding in a way, by refusing to serve it in any way (even seemingly harmless ones); now, she’s getting an actual way out without dying. There is an obvious heartbreaking disproportion between what it took for her to get trapped (just… accepting Elias’s job offer, signing a form) and what it takes for her to escape (gouging her eyes out and accepting to become blind), but I’m so glad she’s accepting it, that’s it’s not inflicted on her, that it’s her choice and that she has prepared herself to it.
(MAG155) MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting.
ARCHIVIST: Oh… [PAUSE] You’re… sure you’ve thought it through? I–I don’t know if we can look after you, you know?
MELANIE: [BREATH]
ARCHIVIST: A–afterwards.
MELANIE: You don’t need to. I’ve… I’ve made a few arrangements, and… [SHAKY INHALE] It’s going to be okay.
ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]
MELANIE: Ho–honestly. I–I think it is. I, I can’t… be a part of this anymore, and if this is the price, then, I think I’m okay to pay it. [DEEP INHALE, EXHALE]
It really put the others’ decisions to stay into perspective, too: Basira seems to perceive blindness as a vulnerability that she can’t afford, Martin had sounded a bit like Gertrude (can’t do it now, always threats to take care of), Jon… is unclear (he did offer to Martin, Martin wasn’t convinced, and now Jon is not keen on going for it – is it because Martin was right? Or is it because, just like Basira for Daisy, Jon doesn’t want to leave without Martin):
(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: I–I–I don’t know, I–I mean, I suppose? I–i–if your vision comes back, the Beholding probably does as well…! P–probably. But it’s not like it’s easy to only… blind yourself temporarily anyway, uh, I…
MARTIN: Y–y–yeah… yeah, uh… Ha–have you told the others, or…?
ARCHIVIST: No, you–you’re the first.
MARTIN: Why?
ARCHIVIST: … Because… uh, because I–I trust you, I– I’m trying to think about what to do, and I… Well… if I did try this, I… I don’t want to do it alone.
MARTIN: [EXHALE]
ARCHIVIST: But we could leave here. You and me; escape. […] [SIGH] No. No, o–o–of course, this was… stupid, you have your own plans going on, don’t you?
MARTIN: I just… Look, I need to see this thing through with Peter to the end. If–if what he’s saying is even half true, I need to be there. […] You know I can’t do it, not now; you don’t want to blind yourself; you don’t want to die; what you want… is a reason to not do those things. So… you come to me.
ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]
MARTIN: Well… you’re welcome! B–because I can’t follow you on this one.
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: Have you… thought any more about what I said?
BASIRA: Yeah. I don’t think I can. Daisy wouldn’t come if I didn’t, and… I’m not leaving her behind. Besides, both of us being blind would be… [PAUSE] Anyway, being stuck here isn’t exactly her main problem right now.
ARCHIVIST: No, I suppose not.
BASIRA: And with those Hunters still out there–
ARCHIVIST: No, I understand. Just wanted to make sure you… [INHALE] knew you had the choice. [EXHALE] […] I suppose I have a way out, now. One that… wouldn’t even kill me – at least, I hope not. And yet, here I am still… Am I a coward? I just… What if they need me? What if.
We’re lacking Daisy’s reasons – is it because she thinks that she’s dead meat anyway? Because she would like to be in shape to protect the others from Trevor&Julia until the end? Because she fears that The Hunt would find its way into her again if she were to cut herself off from Beholding? Is it because she wants to “see” Basira until the end…?
(MAG132) DAISY: Uh… Scared. I–I’m, I’m, I’m scared. I’ve been scared the whole time here. Not just when it’s, when it’s cr–crushing, when it f–fills your, y–your mouth with d–dirt… I–it knows when to stop, wh–when to ea–ease back, so you don’t… don’t lose it or, or grow numb… L–leaves you terrified for when it s–starts a–again and, wh–when it does, you, you’re s–scared that it’ll… n–never–never stop… I thought, thought I’d… I’d ne–never see the s–sky again, never… never s–see Basira…
Daisy is also a special case in her relationship to Beholding because, contrary to everyone else, she knew what she was signing for. She had decided it was worth it, to get rid of Jon in her nightmares (and regain some control over them), and because Basira&Jon were trapped in the Institute. I can understand that… it would probably feel a bit pointless to her to undo that at this point…
- I’m heartbroken over Melanie, too, but mostly for the PAIN she’ll inflict herself??? I’m really glad that she’s agreeing to becoming blind, but… the way she’s going about it…
(MAG155) MELANIE: [DEEP INHALE, EXHALE] Got, uh… Got one of those awls, from the book repair suppliers, up in the library? [BREATH] If it can punch through books, it can punch through, uh…!
ARCHIVIST: [SOFT GROAN]
MELANIE: Well, it… it should do the trick. No reason to try and make it too complicated.
It’s going to be painful, she’s going to do it herself, and she’ll have to take care of both eyes. She’ll be doing it TWICE. One time, suffering through it, and then ANOTHER.
It’s also emphasising how she managed to regain her agency this season: from getting the bullet removed by Jon&Basira, without her consent, while she was asleep, to free her from The Slaughter’s influence – to explaining to Jon that she will stab her own eyes, with an item she’s carefully chosen, on her own, to get free from Beholding. Even the choice of the awl feels like a bookend (ha): it’s coming from the library, which had been… her initial reason for coming time and time again to the Institute, when she wanted to research ghosts:
(MAG063) MELANIE: Alright, can you not be an arsehole about it? I just need access to your library.
ARCHIVIST: So talk to Diana, she runs the place.
MELANIE: Yes. I don’t exactly have the “academic credentials” you guys demand. So I apparently need someone to vouch for me. And you’re basically the closest thing I’ve got to a friend here.
[…] ARCHIVIST: I’ll have a word with Diana, see if I can get you into the library.
I also love how it feels like she’s finally proving Elias wrong a bit…? He had told her, when she was trying to kill him, that she wasn’t doing it for a greater good but for her own selfish reasons:
(MAG106) ELIAS: You already have doubts, though. You’ve been talking with Tim, and have convinced yourself that–
MELANIE: [DRY LAUGHTER]
ELIAS: –even if I’m telling the truth, I’m too dangerous to live.
MELANIE: Well.
ELIAS: Whatever I’m planning needs to be stopped! Even if it costs a few lives. Including your own.
MELANIE: Well, that’s n–not even–
ELIAS: A rationalisation, of course. A lie, about your own selfishness, that you would rather be dead than trapped without the self-determination you prize so highly. I wish I knew the words to convince you it’s for the best.
And yes, there is still some of it, some of her pride, in her current choice. But back then, Elias had given the impression that her feelings were making her centre on herself; right now, I feel like her feelings and her willingness to denounce what she sees as wrong and horrible make her “expand”, make her inspirational and admirable? Melanie was a stark contrast with this week’s statement-giver…
- It’s also very fitting, for Melanie, of all people, to give up her sight to escape…? She used to be a Spooky Podcast Youtuber. She witnessed her first actual spooks through the lens of a camera. She noticed that Not!Sasha was different through her physical appearance. The first statement she read was about The Dark and someone believing that hiding from the creature’s sight would provide him safety. Elias had threatened to engrave the sight of her father’s death into her mind. She was the one to find Gertrude’s eyeless dolls in the storage unit.
(MAG028) MELANIE: I reached the door and, using the camera, I peered inside. […] In the camera’s small viewscreen I couldn’t see what was there, what was underneath, but it was dark and shiny. I will never forget the sound of the skin coming away from her arm.
[…] ARCHIVIST: You say you recorded video of the event?
MELANIE: Yeah, I’ve given your guys a copy, but watching it back the recording is so distorted that you can’t really make anything out.
(MAG076) MELANIE: Sure. Where’s Sasha, by the way? I wanted to say goodbye.
ARCHIVIST: I’m sorry?
MELANIE: Sasha. Your assistant. I haven’t seen her in a while. You didn’t fire her, did you? […] You know who I mean. Tall, long hair, glasses… She was here when I first came in. Back last April? We had a long conversation about haunted pubs.
ARCHIVIST: No, I… I remember. But that is Sasha.
(MAG106) ELIAS: I’m afraid that’s not really something I can do. I can promise not to make it worse, though.
MELANIE: What…? No…!
ELIAS: You know how your father really died, and I am sure that is unimaginably painful for you, but be aware, if I choose to, I can make you see it.
[TAPE RECORDER HISSING AGAIN]
MELANIE: No… no…
ELIAS: If you try to interfere with me again, in any way, I will drive that image so deep into your psyche. But even if you are right, even if you live, it will be there every time you close your eyes.
MELANIE: No… no…
(MAG113) ARCHIVIST: Found anything yet?
MARTIN: Er… er… Bunch of… eyeless paintings?
MELANIE: [JOVIALLY] Snap! Eyeless dolls. Oh, and. Just a lot of shredded newspapers.
I really hope that her “arrangements” mean that she’ll stay at Georgie’s and get all The Admiral’s cuddles, aaaaah…
- I was already feeling like Melanie was giving her goodbyes in MAG150, and it’s now even more definitive… And a bit like Tim’s last words to Jon?
(MAG119) ARCHIVIST: Tim!! [STATIC] What do you see?
TIM: I see my asshole boss! W– wait… wait…
[…] ARCHIVIST: Tim! [STATIC] What’s in your hand?
TIM: It’s… I don’t… the– the– … the detonator… […] Jon, I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can…
ARCHIVIST: [FAINTLY AND FAR] Tim…?
TIM: I don’t forgive you. But thank you for this.
(MAG155) MELANIE: [INHALE] Thanks for… telling me, by the way. [INHALE] I–it didn’t look like it was easy for you. […] … I, I won’t… be around, after this, but I’ll–I’ll leave details, in case you need to get in touch… [INHALE] Hum… but…
ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … I understand. […] We’ll… miss you.
MELANIE: Wish I could say the same…!
ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. [INHALE] Do you… need any, uh… help?
Grateful for something right that Jon did (giving them a choice, the artefact/information they could work with to make that choice), while still pointing out that no, staying around hadn’t been a great time.
EL-O-EL about that bit:
(MAG154) MELANIE: It’s, it’s the rest of you I’m worried about.
ARCHIVIST: [SCOFF] We’ll be fine. Always have been.
MELANIE: Not always.
ARCHIVIST: No… I guess not.
Jon, You’ve Never Ever Been Fine since you began working in the Archives.
- I’m So Glad About That Last Dig At Elias, he deserved it.
(MAG155) MELANIE: I’ve left a proper resignation letter, on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually. Almost made me wish it was Elias!
ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLING]
MELANIE: He would have hated me not serving out my two weeks-notice, huh! Not sure… Lukas even knows who I am…! … Probably for the best.
(!! About the fact that Jon, too, was cracking up a bit.)
And at the same time, wow: Elias has been away for more than a year, Melanie only got him as a boss for less than six months… and he’s still marked her so deeply that she spontaneously thought about what would upset him. Understandable given that, unlike Peter, yeah, Elias had been the one to trap her, traumatised her and was the overall cause of an added bunch of miseries, but still, aouch that he scarred her so deeply ;;
Also, Oh No, Melanie, Peter does know your name ;;
(MAG120) MARTIN: So what now?
PETER: Well, if you could send Melanie and Basira up to see me, I’d like to introduce myself.
I’m not expecting Peter to do… anything about Melanie leaving, honestly, since he already told Martin he wouldn’t intervene for stuff the Archival staff decided on their own. But he knows her name, that’s probably never good. (… It also means that, even if Jon has had access to MAG120’s tape (which we still don’t know), he didn’t share that one with the class.)
- Things I’m Worried About:
* Peter will certainly not read Melanie’s letter, but Martin, however… And how will he take it? Panicking because he’d feel that Jon was a bit more serious about that idea than he had assumed? There is also the fact that he sold himself to Peter to protect the others, so Basira and Melanie at the time – and now, turns out that Melanie… is leaving. Just like that. Martin doesn’t want to stop The Extinction for Peter or because he’s indebted, quite clearly; but still, there is something very bittersweet in the fact that Martin went through isolation, cut his ties with the others because he wanted them to be safe… and didn’t get anything in return. Peter never lifted a finger to protect them and, now, turns out that Melanie can and wants to leave. It feels like Martin’s early sacrifices were already for nothing…
* Will Melanie’s dreams come back, if she’s not under Beholding’s ~protection~ anymore? (If she’s able to “see” him, will she notice something different in the Jon from the dreams…? How bad are the nightmares, nowadays? Had Jon gone from watching passively to enjoying them…?)
* Jon was hypothesising that Beholding might not want “to lose anyone” and I’m fearing Elias’s reactions a bit?? Will Melanie cutting her ties hurt Elias? Will it hurt Jon? (I also would be interested to hear about Melanie visiting Elias one last time, for the Satisfaction and the parallel with Rayner visiting Robert Montauk in prison?).
* I don’t think this is the last we’re hearing from Melanie, because she wouldn’t be written off like that (especially given how the medium is sound-based). But I have trouble picturing how we could still hear her in happy circumstances. Would she visit the others? Would the others go visit her…?
* Squintsquintsquint that we still don’t know if Melanie’s therapist is an absolutely normal therapist, or a spook. I think that in any case, Melanie was given actual therapy which allowed her to think about herself and what she wanted to do (I don’t think that the bottom line would be that she was ~manipulated into thinking that it was acceptable to stab her eyes~: it would be too iffy, I really believe it was her own choice coming from her actual feelings), but it doesn’t mean that the therapist has to be absolutely harmless and inoffensive on her own.
* …………………….. how come
that
Melanie
was able to say “I’m quitting”
and to write her resignation letter………………..
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: But I understand it’s a big thing. We’ll keep looking. Maybe there’s a–another way we c–
MELANIE: No, Jon. I’m going to do it. [BREATH] I’m quitting.
ARCHIVIST: Oh… [PAUSE] You’re… sure you’ve thought it through? I–I don’t know if we can look after you, you know?
[…] MELANIE: I’ve left a proper resignation letter, on Lukas’s desk. It was quite satisfying to write, actually.
We know through Martin and Tim that “something” was preventing them from doing it:
(MAG039) ARCHIVIST: No… We’re clearly doing a whole heart-to-heart thing and, truth be told, the question’s been bothering me. You’ve been living in the Archives for four months, constant threat of… this. Sleeping with a fire extinguisher and a corkscrew. Even you must be aware that that’s not normal for an archiving job? Why are you still here?
MARTIN: Don’t really know. I just am. It didn’t feel right to just leave. I’ve typed up a few resignation letters, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hand them in. I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. […] It’s just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think. [SIGH]
(MAG065) TIM: You’re firing me?
ARCHIVIST: … I’m offering you a chance to quit. No notice period, I’ll even make sure you get the rest of the month’s paycheck. [PAUSE] Just say the words.
[STATIC RISES]
TIM: I want to.
ARCHIVIST: So do it.
TIM: I… … can’t.
ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Why not…?
TIM: I… I… I–I can’t! I don’t know… Why can’t I quit?!
ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t know. But I don’t think I can fire you either.
So how come Melanie was able to do it even before cutting ties? It is because she was emotionally straining herself away from Beholding already? Is it because Jon has been subconsciously keeping the assistants prisoners, and already knew (and had accepted) that Melanie didn’t want to feed Beholding? Is it because Elias did something, or because he’s not there? Is it because of Peter’s influence diminishing Beholding’s on the Institute…?
- Aaaah… the way Lydia plays Melanie is so… I don’t know how to describe it, but hearing Melanie, I’m often… almost discomforted. There is something grating, unstable, but in a good way – as if talking is painful for Melanie, words rasping against her throat? The uneasiness, the fear, the anxiety, the pain are just slipping through so efficiently? I could only hear the pain in the way Melanie talked about what she was going to do… (The way she simply breathes, too: her inhalation/expiration feel very heavy usually; and in this episode, we could also hear her trying to smooth them up, to calm down a bit?)
- … Okay, so, Melanie is planning to do it now, in the next five minutes, and I’m extremely grateful that we’re not hearing that on-tape:
(MAG155) ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. [INHALE] Do you… need any, uh… help?
MELANIE: [INHALE] No. I’ve got this. [BREATH] But if you, hum… if you could… [INHALE] In five minutes…
ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]
MELANIE: I would appreciate it if you could call me an ambulance.
ARCHIVIST: [SHAKY INHALE] … Right.
… but also extremely surprised that the tape recorder, that nosy thing, hasn’t just followed her and popped up in the room when she’d be doing it, in order to gleefully witness her agony. They did it with Jon when he tried to cut his fingers; why doesn’t it want to listen to Melanie’s suffering, to record someone cutting ties with an Outer God…?
- In advance: poor hospital nurses who will have to fetch Melanie. They’re probably used to it (even unspookily), but I do hope that it won’t lead to more people signing their equivalent of Section 31. Though, if it’s like with the police, things happening within the Magnus Institute are automatically labelled as spook-cases, so they could send staff already in the know…
I really doubt that there’ll be any investigation due to an employee gouging her eyes out in her own workplace, since it’s the Institute, but… I do hope there is none. Section 31 officers used to be searching for Daisy, back in season 3, and Elias had pointed out they wouldn’t hesitate to go for the kill in MAG092. If Melanie’s self-mutilation gives them an opportunity to go back to the Institute, it could go even worse so quickly for the remaining assistants…
- I think I was in the minority who had found the beginning of season 4… not exactly “hopeful” but still leaving place for hope, for an ascending curve. Technically, although the first few episodes were exposing to us (through Jon) how things had become hard and precarious during Jon’s coma (Tim dead, Daisy “dead”, Martin absent and working with Peter, Melanie overtaken by her fury, Basira closed off and distrustful), it was quickly followed by Jon improving the situation, getting the assistants back: removing Melanie’s bullet (MAG125), leading to Melanie being able again to define herself not solely through her anger (MAG131) and seeking therapy to try to get better (MAG136); managing to find Daisy in the coffin and to get her out (MAG132), leading to Daisy staying firm on her rejection of the call of The Hunt (MAG140, MAG142), to the point that she would rather die than follow her “blood” again (MAG153, MAG155). To a certain extent, Jon had also managed to score a few points with Basira, enough for her to open up about her research and her plans regarding Ny-Ålesund (MAG140), bringing Jon with her and not planning to sacrifice him nor being keen on the idea of Jon sacrificing himself (MAG143); same with Martin, in a way – their first exchange (MAG124) was a disaster, but Jon was able to tell him “I miss you” during the second one (MAG129), and as audience, we had heard Martin (MAG126, MAG134, MAG138) and we knew that Jon and the assistants still mattered to him much more than he let on when trying to avoid Jon. Even the reveal of Helen’s occasional presence in the tunnels sounded, at first, like potential good news – The Distortion had helped against Jared’s attack, protecting the assistants, and was keen on helping Jon.
The second half has been souring most of the small victories: first by revealing that, all through this, Jon had actually been attacking people, re-traumatising five persons and trapping them in Beholding’s grasp (MAG142 making it very clear that it’s really, reaaally not “just a few bad dreams”). The Distortion, too, wasn’t actually that benign: Helen had been consuming a few persons, including someone that Jon’s team had been able to contact back in season 1. Daisy’s withdrawal from The Hunt is literally killing her. Basira has been confronted multiple times about her hypocrisy and isn’t improving in that regard. Martin has actually grown “comfortable” with his isolation and he’s both going for a self-sacrifice and unable to communicate with others without it turning dry, snappy and hurtful – Jon included (MAG154).
On the other hand, although it will be with a cost and not without pain, Melanie might be managing to get out for real, which, yay!! … But it also really feels like she is actually jumping off the boat right before it begins to sink…?
(I’m getting a bit of a The Fall of the House of Usher vibe, lately, feeling like things are slowly dissolving and crumbling…? Characters are in standby, waiting; it doesn’t sound like Jon and Daisy can carry on like this for very long, Martin is not planning to come back, Basira is still running into danger. I have no idea what is supposed to happen, what could be the driving forces in the season finale (we know that Annabelle has her own agenda and is keeping a close eye on the Archives, interfering when Jon went astray; Julia&Trevor are back as threats; we can guess that Peter might have a hidden agenda; Elias has proven that he could still be damaging and get what he wanted from afar; there is still the matter of Dekker’s whereabouts; there are still suspicions about Melanie’s therapist…) but, the closer we get to the end of the season, the more trouble I have picturing that season 5 could still take place within the Institute? I don’t know, especially given that the tunnels and the remnants of the old Millbank prison have their importance, I’m not sure that the building in itself will still be standing by the end of the season…? How could Jon, Basira and Daisy keep “living” at the Institute in the same state as now, still fading/dying, once Martin&Peter have made their move…?)
My first instinct for MAG156’s title is Gundam Wing Endless Waltz Gundam Wing Endless Waltz Gundam Wing Endless Waltz “Beholding” again? (The word or variations of it popped up in a lot of Eye statement, and I’m especially thinking about MAG060 and Christopher Meyer’s mirror; it was also used metaphorically by Smirke to describe his relationship to Jonah Magnus.) Or Spiral, especially The Distortion’s corridors? Or Stranger? Or a last Extinction statement before the end of the season…? (Basically: a Coraline episode.) Or Peter Lukas talking alone for 20min? Or Elias monologuing?
When it comes to Archives Drama, I’m expecting introspection again, and/or more pseudo-philosophising from Jon, and/or something about Daisy and Jon… But I’m also thinking about “basically another MAG117 – Testament”, so ;; Could be Martin’s last thoughts before going for it…?
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